#i just realized that when i finally

[kaikree]

something that isn't talked about much when it comes to healing yourself is that it might end up killing relationships (both romantic and platonic)

and i don't mean that in a way that should dissuade anyone from trying to heal. i mean you are where you are, on a path to try and get better, to do right by yourself and take care of the child inside you and nurture the things that have been hurt and sometimes you look around and realize that the people that you used to stand beside are a half-mile back on the track, so far that you can barely see them

and you want them to be with you still. you know that if they can get themselves up this hill with you that they'll feel better. things can get better and it's hard but you're up here climbing a hill, you know that it's possible and they can do it too! they can climb the hill with you and look out at this great view

but

you can't move their legs for them. and no matter how you wave or cajole or promise that it's not as hard once you get into it, they will not move from where they are. and you can sit there and try to talk to them from afar, but the healthier you get the harder it is to yell back to where they're standing.

sometimes there comes a point that you have to turn around completely because the path they want to stay on will only leash you back to a lower point. and that's... not actually your fault.

and yeah that can get so very frustrating. there have been times in my life where while talking to friends who were in bad spirals i would get frustrated b/c no matter what i said or did it seemed like they were hellbent on staying exactly where they were no matter how much they hated it or how much it hurt them. i could sit down and walk with them through resources and venting sessions and so many ways to to get out of the place they were in and it just... repeated. in a cycle. at some point i had to come to terms with the fact that you can't help someone who refuses to take the first step to help themselves and sometimes sticking around someone like that is only going to keep you tethered to that mental state.

#chinhands #sometimes i wonder if you'd actually communicated with me that we'd still been able to be friends #this whole metaphor makes sense in my head but idk if it translates #and then the awkward sense of feeling like the other person resents you for not being as miserable as they are #or that they resent your successes when they happen #tbh i wish i could say that i chose to end that relationship but i wasn't the one to cut the tie #i just realized that when i finally #finally #told them that they'd done something that was hurtful #that it rebounded and became about how me being hurt was actually hurtful to them #i'd made so many excuses about not telling them when they were out of line or wrong b/c i could handle it #excuses of 'theyre going through things and im privileged so i can take it' #'but if i tell them that this isn't okay then i'll be responsible for what they do to themselves after' #which in hindsight yeah that. probably. should have been indicative of something. #it wasn't something they threatened or anything like that #it was 100% my own fear and knowing that if they spiraled i was thousands of miles away #with no way of contacting anyone near them or getting help if something did happen #relationships can go bad even when everyone has good intentions #they probably think i hate them but tbh i just wish they'd get whatever they need to pull them out of the hell in their own head #they're a good and kind person just stuck in the shittiest kinds of place

[applestruda]

*redesigns my grian the night before the new hc season*

#i threw away my last one #tbh i think i hadnt really realized it but i dont know how much ive ever liiked my grian #i started drawing him like that bc when i joined the fandom i didnt know how to interpret his skin all that much #i just looked at what the fandom did #so uh #finally grabbing him and making him something i actually like #just a more subtle bird guy #headwings are cool but i like a little less creature on this guy #grian #grian fanart #my art #hes not tooooo different #but ive changed up a few features

[royalarchivist]

Pac: I'm not going to say anything to you guys [Chat], I'm not going to say anything to you. I'm not saying absolutely anything, I'm not going to comment. Man, you broke me here, you broke me in 3 parts! I'm not going to- no no no no no, I won't fall for your game, I won't fall for your game.*

Pac's chat allows viewers to make music requests, which led to this very well-timed moment today where Careless Whisper started playing as soon as Pac met back up with Fit.

* [Approximate translation. I'm not a native Portuguese speaker, so as always, please feel free to let me know if there's a better way to translate things!]

#Pactw #Hideduo #FitMC #FitPac #QSMP #December 6 2023 #Edited #in the sense that I had to edit the music back in because Pac's VOD mutes all music #Luckily another fan shared a screen-recording of it so I was able to tell when the music kicked in in the original #so TLDR: I just put music back into this clip since it was muted #I'm so glad I finally have context for wtf that was about because I was watching from Fit's POV #and all of us were like ''??? What's wrong with Pac rn?'' #also I realize that a lot of the recent clips have been Fit or Pac-centered #I've got a little bit of time to add stuff to the queue tonight so I'll mix some more variety in #it's funny because I started posting Fit and Pac stuff more to ADD variety and then over-corrected #lol #Pac #Fit #I can't stop laughing over Pac's POV because he genuinely looked so insane in Fit's POV #I need to go back and pull up that moment now

[jenanigans1207]

I just love the idea that Cas and Dean actually manage to be sneaky in the beginning of their relationship, keeping it secret not because they don’t trust Sam or are ashamed but because they need to feel solid in it themselves before they tell anyone. So they’ve actually done a spectacular job of keeping quiet and not getting caught.

And then one day Cas and Dean are sitting at the table in the bunker kitchen, half asleep while Cas sips coffee and Dean munches halfheartedly on soggy cereal, when Sam comes back from his morning run.

“There you guys are!” He says as he pulls his headphones out of his ears. “I’ve been waiting for you to get up!”

“Why?” Dean asks, dropping his spoon into his bowl and splashing a little milk over the side. “You find us a case?”

Sam shakes his head as he heads to the fridge for a bottle of water. “I think there’s something wrong with the bunker.”

“What kind of something?” Dean asks, casting a curious glance around.

The bunker had seemed fine to him. Nothing strange had happened. No weird noises, no strange smells, nothing creepy or daunting that was outside of the ordinary as far as living completely underground went.

“Well, the lights have been acting weird.” Sam begins, thinking. “And the electricity will just randomly short out. It’s like all the fuses blow at once, or something, even when nothing has changed.”

Dean, still half asleep and only a few sips into his own coffee, doesn’t immediately make the connection. But Cas seems to go incredibly still across the table from him.

“Huh.” Dean says, pushing his bowl away and reaching for his mug. “I haven’t seen any of that. When is this happening?”

Dean still hasn’t pieced it together, but Cas is sending him a solid, desperate stare over the rim of his own mug. Dean’s mind is trying to kick on, to figure it out, and then Sam says—

“Well, most recently was last night. You were already in bed. And Cas— I don’t know where you were.”

And oh. Oh. Dean understands now.

Because yeah, he had been in bed last night. It just so happens that Cas had been in his bed, too. And they were— busy, but sleeping isn’t exactly what they were doing.

Dean purposely does not meet Cas’s gaze.

“Weird.” Dean says with a shrug that he hopes is nonchalant.

“Yeah,” Cas finally manages to agree, his fingers tight around his mug. “That is strange, I haven’t noticed it, either. We’ll have to keep an eye out for it and address it if it’s an electrical issue.”

Sam, beautiful, sweet Sam, doesn’t seem to notice anything amiss. He shrugs. “Yeah, just let me know if you notice it. Maybe it’s just a weird fluke.”

And it will be awhile yet before Sam understands why this only happens when he’s alone in the bunker at night, why it never happens when Dean and Cas stay up with him to the early hours of the morning to research. Sam will live confused but peacefully oblivious for as long as they can all get away with.

#I just love Sam being like #guys all the lights are flickering again #and deans like wow Sammy that’s so strange I couldn’t possibly know anything about that #I also love when Sam finally catches on #and has this horrible dawning realization #and cas as least looks sheepish when Sam figures it out #but Dean makes some comment about how his ass is just *that good* #and then Sam desperately wishes for obliviousness again #destiel #sam winchester #spn #supernatural

[petscoboba]

I know this AU has since died down, but recently it's really been helping me look on the bright, fun side of college, so I decided to draw @spectacledraws's (go check her out!!!) Deltarune college au as if it were a fake manga (heavily inspired by the Yotsuba comics)!

For those curious what the title means (which I hope I didn't royally mess up the Japanese on):

別の伝説 (betsu no densetsu) - Another Legend

DELTARUNEの二次創作 (Deltarune no nijisousaku) - A DELTARUNE side-story

#deltarune #college au #gaster #asriel dreemurr #chara dreemurr #wooo! finally done! #i'm a bit hesitant to tag sprout #i realize sometimes when people's aus get popular they can sometimes get pressured into only doing that #but i hope it wont be taken that way! i just really. really adore this au #it helps to romanticize the mundane but goofy nature of college #and it helps me calm my nerves juuussstt a little bit for when i move out to finish my degree #anyways! enough rambling about me!! i want to add that i changed azzy's design ever so slightly to match the hidden sprite found in #the deltarune files (i added glasses. i added glasses.) #and i mayhaps made him hold certain things to imply there's something more going on with the golden boy....? #who knows! only he does. hopefully. maybe not.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Welcome to the Dungeons of Fear and Hunger.

#Fear and Hunger #D'arce Cataliss #Cahara #Ragnvaldr #Enki Ankarian #Unlike Dungeon Meshi - I cannot in good faith recommend this game to a broad audience. #My background with F&H goes as follows: I am hanging out with a friend. He says “hey try this game I've been playing.” I say “Okay!” #I have never heard of this game. I pick the mercenary. I go through 5 min of character history and background. I am mauled to death by dogs #It took me 4 resets to even get in the dungeon. But I finally get there. I am caught by a guard. He cuts off all but one of my limbs #I am forced to crawl around in a blood and corpse pit until the game tells me 'give up idiot'. #I reset. I am mauled by dogs again. I realize this is not for me but I am intrigued enough to go home and watch some playthroughs #And WOW what an interesting game it is! I really do appreciate games that blend their design philosophy with the theme it wants to set #This is a game about fear and hunger. And persevering. And penis (my god is there a lot of penis) #I recommend this to people who like extremely challenging games and can handle the many *content warnings* within this series #If the idea of Bloodborne/eldenring and undertale having a little RPG maker baby sounds appealing to you - give it a shot #It's made by ONE GUY and it's a great horror game. I am just really bad at it. #My friends just enjoy putting me in situations where I scream and yell. We don't talk about the corn mazes. Or the other horror game nights #Apparently I'm funny when I'm Scared! #As people who follow me on twitter might know; I am deep in the pits of this series right now. I will be back with more art.

[babydarkstar]

i just. i just…FUCK. i just really want harrowhark to go sicko mode when she realizes john has the power to resurrect whoever he wants he just chooses not to and even after learning about his own blood daughter he still doesn’t resurrect her he just makes her a construct. i would be alecto-levels of grief-stricken-enraged if my childhood nemesis/guard dog/whipping girl/codependent lesbian situationship that i lobotomized over/suicide-pact soulmate/only friend was suddenly here but not here haunting her own dead body and the only reason she’s present is because she was made into a fascist killing machine for a man with a power kink, and she’s not even happy about it but she’s going through the motions because all she knows of love is to be useful. (forever your sword.) and if i was harrow and i died and then came back to myself after switching bodies with the human cage holding the earth’s soul and realized all of this, i think i too would be accompanying the earth’s soul on her shoulder to go kill a man with eclipse-eyes and criminal levels of nonchalance. y’know. the one who guarded g1deon but not me, lord. the one who was so sure i had never seen that which lies insensate and with stilled mind, lord, who did not realize i was a lock and there was a key in the shape of a girl, lord. the one who looked me dead in the eye and told me i could never have my cavalier back, lord. the cavalier who came back haunted and empty and incomplete by your hand, lord.

i’m so team ‘harrowhark saves gideon for real this time not because she wants her cav but because she wants her other half’ i might lose my mind about it

#the locked tomb #griddlehark #im going crazy if im being honest #like sorry if this doesnt make sense im losing my mind #also i think so much about kiriona’s jealousy when alecto swears her fealty to harrow #and so many people talk about how theres a chance harrow chooses alecto over kiri/gideon #and yeah. she probably will choose alecto. but not as a supplement to gideon #bc once harrow realized the price to pay she never wanted it to happen to gideon #which is why she was so so upset she literally threw up every day for like a month about it #and lobotomized to stop the soul-bleed from being finalized. #she couldnt swallow one more soul as sacrifice for her own life #let alone gideon?????? she said it all in the pool scene ok. and then the iron fence scene #‘i can’t conceive of a universe without you’ #something something abt making gideons life miserable bc she wished she was dead #and would mever forgive herself for it #etc etc etc #ultimately i think harrow wants gideon. not as a cav or a servant. just as herself #one can dream

[rawliverandgoronspice]

Always a bit puzzled by people saying that anyone who wanted long-term consequences for TotK Zelda's sacrifice are "edgy".

I'm not even particularly in the camp that she should have remained a dragon forever (I think this should have been Ganondorf's fate, it would have been sooo much more impactful than to explode him and move on but anyway). To be honest, I wish the rules for turning back would have been 1) clear 2) active gameplay on the player so that it feels like it's something we have earned, and 3) not make her have amnesia about it and/or at least having her gain some crucial insight because of the experience.

(also: doesn't she crave knowledge? isn't that insanely mean to have her watch over every civilization and every bit of history ever and then take it away from her? kind of dislike how totk privileges the comfort of the player's feelings over what the characters would actually want or need tbh)

To be perfectly honest, I fully expected us needing to turn her back before engaging Ganondorf so we would fight him together, especially since Zelda as a compagnon exists in the game code already (though in a very subdued state). It feels very very strange to me that all of this mechanic of Sages following us existing and yet we never have the very climactic cool Zelda-staple moment of facing Ganondorf or Ganon together (OoT, WW, TP, ST and probably more that I'm forgetting all did this in some way --even BotW had Zelda more involved than in TotK). I'm not sure Mineru was a compagnon that was needed over Zelda honestly, especially given the kind of non-insight she gives us on the zonai (even if the idea of the mecha is cool, it really could have been Zelda using her zonai + sheikah knowledge to pilot one for us or something).

But anyway: yeah, even if this isn't what I would have wanted personally, I think wanting Zelda to remain a dragon is kind of arguably more respectful of her relationship to Link, in a way, that what the game ended up doing. When she enacted this sacrifice, Zelda decided to trust him to such a extent that she lost herself, reciprocated his trust in her and his devotion to her, and now the future of Hyrule exists beyond her and beyond what Hyrule once was, but she trusts them to follow through and be happy and she will watch over them from the stars moving on. It's fine if we manage to save her from that fate, but even if we don't, honestly this sounds like a beautiful story/tragic romance to me, if you want to read it that way. Tragedy doesn't necesserily involve edginess. Fictional pain isn't always mean, or out to get you.

#totk #totk critical #zelda #link #when will my brain return from the imprisoning war... #take it from me: a professional edgelord #but genuinely I was quite disappointed when I realized I wouldn't get to fight alongside Zelda at all #I thought for sure the first descent was a setup for the final descent when we would be reunited #and then confront Ganondorf together #I don't know to me that would have just made sense #she's the one with the most beef with that man Link is honestly just here so she doesn't have to call an über afterward #link doesn't have half as much reasons to want ganondorf dead as zelda does #which didn't help the feeling that I had as much emotional investment in the situation than the friend you call when you get in trouble #ganondorf isn't even directly responsible for zelda returning to the past NOR turning into a dragon! the guy has no idea what's going on! #anyway. this game's plot is very weird.

[crowsgrudge]

fionna's world being represented by a dandelion makes so much sense ... they're weeds. yet people make wishes through them, changing their whole meaning from something meant to be destroyed to something hopeful.

dandelions are also resilient and it makes sense that something associated with them would. you know. perservere despite the destruction caused by the scarab.

but ultimately i think what REALLY made me tear up over this is that dandelions are really boring plants. when you're a kid you blow on them and make your wish but they're not eyecatching or anything but still, fionna's final wish was for her old world to still exist as it was when she left it (> plain and simple. boring even).

like the moment she realized she would lose her friends, and that her friends might forget each other if the world got its magic back, she immediately decided she didn't want it and I think that ties back to the dandelion metaphor so well... like, do you really need magic to be real to find it everywhere? or can you turn something boring into something magical?

#remi rambles #fionna and cake #f&c spoilers #sorry i have many Not Silly thoughts about the finale #i looove fionna she was such a wonderful character .. so well written and real TO ME #shes my best friend shes my everything shes silly she makes me so emotional #like even when simon told her he was gonna wear the crown to get the magic back to her world #< the moment she realized he would go crazy she started to think about it #like she wont sacrifice a friend just to get what she really wants #i really loved her journey through the show idk #going from being so over her routine > finding out magic can be dark too > making her own magical world just by loving her friends #like its so much more than 'the power of friendship will save us!!' #yes she saved the world thanks to the love she had for her friends but it was backed up by a full journey beforehand #i think. the line about having functional toilets (while still being a p good joke) makes the point so much clearer #we have been to the end of the universe and back but we have functioning toilets !!! #like do u get it. do i sound crazy #< crazy person voice #anyway yes im done sorry #live laugh love fionna and cake

[saragapen]

Scorpions from the past

#the Scorpions are a reference to his comics and past trauma #i definitely think that ghost would have triggers or moments where he beeaks down and some of them are during really bad moments #also i post more soapghost on twitter #It's 7am and I have yet to sleep but my mind is only thinking about the next part of the comic #simon would most likely disassociate and ghost would take over #soap would blame himself because he couldn't calm him down in time to not let ghost come out #If he hadn't pressed his mouth closed so hard or bs able to properly calm down #that he wouldn't have to build this wall up again. #i also think ghost would come out especially when he realizes that Simon's directly putting not only soap but himself in harm's way #But the comfort bits where soap slowly softens ghost back up by just spending time near him #telling jokes and getting simon to realise he's safe again so he doesn't need to put up the walls #but soaps inability to help was the final straw that let ghost out so it'll be really rough to loosen his walls again #simon riley #ghostsoap #john mactavish #soapghost #fanart #mw2 fanart

[silvermoon424]

Me not wanting to get in the shower: 😕

Me in the shower: 🥰❤️😍

Me getting out of the shower: 😕

#is this common amongst neurodivergent people #I think it is #btw don't worry I shower regularly lol I usually just have to force myself to do it #I finally realized a while ago that I just hate having wet hair #when I shower with a shower cap on days I don't wash my hair I have a much easier time before and after #personal #hygiene #actually autistic #actually adhd #adhd #autism #1k

[finncakes]

mothafuckin' tanks bitch!!!! 💥👊💥

redraw of photo under the cut

#critical role #bells hells #deni$e #denise bembachula #orym #orym of the air ashari #ashton greymoore #deni$e bembachula #cr3 #I LOVE THESE THREE #orym & the two barbarians that are so so charmed by him #all their interactions have been excellent #that conversation between orym & deni$e is living in my head rent free #and ofc 20 ep later still thinking abt ep 40 boat conversation #pls reach out orym....or ashton check on him :(( #they've been nonstop i feel like team wildemount had like. a lil more of a chance to talk abt their feelings and stuff before uthodurn #anyway realizing there is a likelihood that when they finally scry they will just see chetney stealing #cause they only have stuff that links to him & if it's during the whole thing with umudara (sp?) then he is not with the group LOL #we'll see ! cause i'm sure matt is keeping track of the days and how they're lining up #anyway this is my long-winded way of saying i want it to be thursday already #feel bad that i'm more pumped for this group than i was for wildemount...but look #two out of three of my faves are here. the ship i'm routing for is together. the guests are all my brands (and AMIEE). #there's also no background wondering how the other group is doing and once this is done we're back to the full group #and ALSO high likelihood that hishari stuff will show up....and i have been WAITING #HISHARI I LOVE U #i have so many thoughts swimming in my brian this is where i release them #GOD OK AND ORYM THOUGHTS. SO MANY ABT HIM I AM SEEING MORE PARALLELS BETWEEN HIM & ASHTON THEY NEED TO TALK. #AND ASHTON ALMOST START /THE CONVERSATION/ THEY'VE BEEN AVOIDING ABT THE HISHARI BUT QUICKLY STOPPED #GIRL TALK TO HIM !!!!!!!!! #OK if you read all this thank you i love u byeeeeee

[theonewhowails]

nari goes on field trips :]

#my art #cotl #cotl lamb #cotl narinder #narilamb #in my first full playthrough i was annoyed at the final boss fight still but also was collecting all the follower forms #so i indoctrinated nari but when i saw the 'immortal' trait i went BET #and immediately sacrificed him #and then brought him back the next day because actually tactically having an unaging cult follower could be really useful #and gave him the moon necklace as a HAHA FUCK YOU. now you have to spend your eternal sleepless life worshipping me #also i made him a really agressive magenta colour just to fuck with him #(and then later realized this made him look like animal crossing bob) #and THEN i stopped and went. wait. if hes a follower now. can i marry him? #and then i got the other bishop followers and made them theur own little house complex #and then got really sad narinder couldnt use his because moon necklace #so i murdered him #and looted his corpse #and then i gave him the red crown necklace. also as a little fuck you. #and then by this point the brainworms had fully sunk in and i was like 🥺 nari should get to travel and see the world #and then he died on a mission so i looted his corpse again and THEN i gave him the missionary necklace #my first full playthrough was ...... chaotic

[merakiui]

Absolutely love the possessive ex Scaramouche ramble in tags, please feed us more of that.

Gladly!! :D

(cw: yandere, extremely toxic ex scara, modern au, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, stalking, coercion, obsession, forced marriage, violent/suicidal threats, manipulation, mentions of intoxication/alcohol, implied self-harm)

The two of you were what everyone calls ‘high school sweethearts.’ You met him in the cafeteria when the both of you were first years. Despite the scowl etched on his face, he looked lonely sitting all by himself while everyone was finding tables, old and new friends gathering in groups. He’d ignored you, even scooting further away when you’d attempt to move closer. Even though he seemed so averse to you, you remained, silently eating your lunch. Neither of you said anything, but you did introduce yourself. He scoffed under his breath.

You started to sit next to him for every lunch, and he continued to give you the silent treatment. You never pressed him for conversation, instead choosing to enjoy silence while you ate and admired him from the sidelines. He never looked at you, always facing forwards and toying with his chopsticks, bending them so far until they were ready to snap. Eventually, he seemed to grow accustomed to this routine because many weeks into the semester he turned to address you.

“Why do you always sit by me? Don’t you have anyone else to bother?”

“Maybe. But I don’t think anyone’s as mysterious as you are.”

“‘Mysterious…’ Yeah, whatever.”

That seemed to be the catalyst because, as sardonic as he was, he’d begun talking to you. And it wasn’t long until he started to warm up to you every lunch until the both of you were exchanging lighthearted banter. Your friendship would only grow from this point onwards until, at the end of your first year during a study session to prepare for finals, where you were both pulling an all-nighter at your house, he’d asked you out. And you said yes, and the both of you had gone from best friends to lovers within the span of a year. The both of you were each other’s first partner, so it made doing things as a couple even more exciting because neither of you had any experience with dates or holding hands or kissing.

Kuni wasn’t a bad boyfriend. In fact, he was very loyal and sweet. He’d stand up for you if anyone was being rude to you or scrutinizing your relationship with hateful eyes. The two of you were nearly inseparable. When you weren’t spending time together in school, you were out doing things together. And when you couldn’t meet up in person, you’d text or call, sometimes talking late into the evening about all sorts of things. You were so immersed in him that you failed to notice the red flags slowly raising over time. But looking back there were a few notable ones.

He never invited you to his house. In fact, you’d never even met his parents, whereas he’d been to your home so often that your family practically became his own. He hadn’t mentioned anything about his family, and if you tried to suggest going to his house for dinner so that he could introduce you to them he was quick to change the subject. For a while you’d push this, more curious than concerned, but eventually you’d drop it when it became clear that he wasn’t going to divulge anything on the matter. That had stung, but you snuffed those feelings in favor of focusing on other aspects of your relationship.

The second red flag was just how clingy he became when the both of you were in your third year, having been together for two solid years. You never noticed it before because you loved him, but when friends had pointed out how attached he seemed—and it was to rather unhealthy levels, according to their observations—to the point where you were the only person he’d ever formed a bond with while at school you started to see the cracks in what felt like the perfect relationship. He’d text you every single day, at every single hour, all the time. He’d call you nonstop, even more so when you didn’t immediately pick up.

The third red flag coincided with the second. When you couldn’t make it to your phone, he was quick to blame himself and those around him for being responsible for your deteriorating relationship. Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me? Did those guys bother you again? They probably told you some stupid shit about me, right? Don’t listen to them. Hey, you’re not mad, right? Call me back. I need to talk to you. Just text me when you can, okay? (Name), please don’t leave me. I’ll fix whatever’s wrong. Just promise you’ll stay. Messages of these kinds were what you could expect to receive from him. He’d fluctuate between self-loathing to loathing those around him within seconds, shoving blame onto classmates who’d bully him for being that “weird emo kid with too many piercings” and anyone else who tried to, in his words, “come between you and me.”

By the end of your third year, you started to fall out of love. He was so very dedicated to this relationship, evidenced by how much effort and care he’d put into it, but his clingy behavior was stifling. You’d lost some of your own friends because he chased them away, and it felt like you couldn’t do anything without him breathing down your neck. If you wanted to go anywhere with a friend or two, Kuni had to be there to accompany you. If you looked at another for too long, he’d think you were cheating. If you didn’t text or call him at certain times, if you failed to pick up, or—Archons forbid—you left him on seen, he’d spiral.

Kuni had this habit of sounding dangerously self-destructive when he feared you were being unfaithful or he thought you were going to break up with him, which meant you’d have to sit on the phone for hours convincing him that you loved him, that you’d never leave him, that you’d always be here for him, that you were sorry for not responding, that he needs to calm down and please, please, please don’t do anything rash. Those phone calls were always so stressful. You cried a lot; you’d beg him to put the knife away when he’d threaten to use it on himself, on you, on anyone who might try to take you from him. And, after a few hours of this, he’d be back to his usual self, as if a switch had been flipped. You could hear his adoring smile in his voice when he spoke, when he’d lovingly whisper into the phone, “I’m happy you’re mine. I love you so much.” And you’d shakily parrot the affirmation, too frazzled to say or do anything else.

One of your best friends Rosalyne, who you’d befriended in the midst of all of this, had been so supportive the minute you spilled the truth to her. Kuni hated her the most because she wasn’t afraid of him. Because she’d shut him down when he tried to pull you away from her. Because she wouldn’t approve of any of his toxicity. Rosalyne would take you on shopping sprees, brunch dates, and jogs at the local park. She was plenty of good to outshine Kuni’s bad, and the more time you spent with her the clearer your head would become. The both of you had plenty of sleepovers together, and she let you rant your heart out while she listened. She’d tell you to break up with him, but you’d agonized over how terrifying that would be. You couldn’t bear to tell Kuni the truth—that you wanted to separate because things had turned so rotten—because you were so scared. Scared of him and what he might do.

Scared that if he really did take a blade to himself it would be your fault. He told you that a lot. That it would be your fault if he did anything. That his blood would be on your hands. You believed him every time.

By your final year, you’d already had a plan for university outlined and you’d started applying to a few in advance. You never told Kuni about any of them because you worried he might apply to each one in hopes of going to the same school as you. And when there was the dance for the graduating class and Kuni had asked you to it, you’d told him you were going with Rosalyne and a few other friends as a group. He didn’t like this, as expected, but you’d been so sick of him and his behaviors that you snapped and spilled everything to him. You’ll never forget the look on his face when you told him that you were done with the relationship and that you never wanted to see him again.

He looked as if he could lunge at you and tear you to bloody ribbons at any moment.

You graduated single and so very refreshed, and your summer had been filled with friends. Kuni didn’t message you at all, which was surprising considering you were certain he’d spam you relentlessly after the break-up. But he never did. In fact, you never saw him again. Graduation had come and gone, and now that you could recover from such a terrible relationship he was becoming less of a burden for you. For a while you were anxious. You kept expecting to receive a phone call or to see some news about Kuni, but neither ever came. Rosalyne told you to stop thinking about him. It would only make you even more paranoid and that wouldn’t do your mental health any good. You were so grateful to have her in your life, but most importantly you were glad Kuni failed to scare her away.

Now you’re a second year in college and things have only gotten so much better for you. You and Rosalyne still keep in touch despite going to different schools. She’d gone to a university in Snezhnaya, while you enrolled in one in Sumeru, and you’ve blotted Kuni from your mind. You’ve made a fresh group of friends while attending classes: criminal justice major Shikanoin Heizou, creative writing major Kaedehara Kazuha, musical therapy major Venti, botany major Tighnari, and so many more wonderful people who have all welcomed you into their circles.

So when Venti drags a familiar face to your usual weekend outing, which is really just a retreat to the forest for drinking and smoking, creeping cold settles into your bones. He looks awkward with Venti’s arm slung around him as the more bubbly of the two drags him towards the bonfire, where you sit with the others roasting marshmallows for s’mores, and it’s a look that is so uncharacteristic on him. What’s even weirder is how friendly everyone greets him—as if they all know him—and you’re completely lost when they turn to you and ask if you’ve met Kunikuzushi.

“No,” you lie through your teeth, forcing a pleasant smile and extending your hand for a stiff handshake, which Venti snickers at. “No, I’ve never met him before.”

Apparently, he’s in one of Venti’s classes—it’s a course he’s taking solely because he needs the credits. Tighnari knows him because they usually work the same shifts at the campus café. Kazuha knows him from his linguistics and philosophy classes. Heizou’s ate with him in the dining hall plenty of times now and they’re also taking the same psychology class. It feels so genuine and yet so fake at the same time. Too perfectly manufactured to be a mere coincidence. But you do your best to push past these suspicions, and when he sits across from you, smiling at you and saying how nice it is to meet you, the warping flames paint his face in devilish shadows. That’s what you think he is when he acts like a completely different person from how he was when you dated: a devil who’s good at being kind and outgoing, noisy and abrupt, and always so foul-mouthed, but in a way that makes him charming. Your friends are so enthralled. They love him and his sense of humor. They love his quick wit. They love how fun he is. And suddenly weekends spent in the forest aren’t so enjoyable.

You do your best to overcome your doubts. For a few months you’re on edge. How he even found you is a mystery. Surely he wouldn’t stalk you and enroll in the same college just to get revenge or…whatever vengeance he wants from you. But when he treats you to coffee, when he brings you and the others pastries every other morning, when he invites the lot of you to study at the library, when he tells the funniest stories while crossed and everyone’s giggling like schoolgirls it really feels like he’s…healthier. Like he’s turned a fresh page in his life and is starting anew. Like he’s changed for the better.

Perhaps he just doesn’t remember you. You’ve changed your style over the years, so it’s possible he’s simply forgotten your image and can’t place memories to your name. Eventually, after soothing yourself with these theories, you begin to accept his presence in the group. He fits in so flawlessly, as if he’s a missing piece to the puzzle, and you can’t believe you’re admitting this, but you like this version of Kuni. He’s confident, not cocky. He’s kind, not rude. He gives everyone space. In fact, he rarely texts frequently in the group chat. And he’s funny! He’s so funny. You don’t think the Kuni from your past was ever as funny as the Kuni who regales everyone with lighthearted stories of how he once took in a stray cat that turned out to belong to his neighbor or how his old job had the strangest customers.

Maybe he truly did change. Maybe all of these coincidences really are coincidences. Maybe it’s for the best that you leave the past in the past.

Finals season looms, and the group hasn’t had time to meet up outside of class. Venti has tried to persuade everyone to come study at his apartment. His roommate won’t care (yes, he will. Xiao hates it when everyone gets blackout drunk and he has to wake everyone come morning), but if you’ve known Venti long enough you’ll know there is no studying that happens at these study sessions. This is probably the reason why he’s had to repeat a year.

With everyone’s schedules packed with academics, it’s difficult to find a time where everyone can get together to study. You think you might just be better off studying on your own, but Kuni’s message of you wanna pull an all-nighter for these lame af finals together?? accompanied with a photo of snacks and coffee, any thoughts of studying alone instantly vanish.

This is how you find yourself in his dorm, sprawled on his bed while he sits on the floor, whacking your dangling feet when they get too close to him. His roommate Albedo is currently out tutoring a few students at the library and won’t be back until much later, so it’s just you, Kuni, and a pile of textbooks and notes. You’ve hung out with Kuni a few times and he was great company during each. You’ve also fallen asleep in his dorm before, when you’d come over to binge a show the both of you enjoy, and you’d lost track of time and had slipped into a dream halfway through the marathon. You’d woken the next morning with Kuni looming over you, grinning deviously and holding an uncapped marker. He’d leaned down and whispered, “You drool in your sleep,” and you’d swatted at him and groused about how you were sleeping so peacefully when he just had to ruin your sleep (and your face) with his antics. And then there was that time when you were so drunk at that one party and you could hardly stand, he’d been there to help. He even stayed with you for the rest of that night, offering his assistance when you became nauseous or needed water or a snack until you passed out.

Despite your initial apprehensions, you consider him a friend. He’s no one nearly as close as Rosalyne or your other friends. He’s just a mutual friend, someone you’ll spend time with when you feel like it, but you don’t truly need him in your life. That, and part of you still struggles to trust him after all of the stress and unhealthy obsession he subjected you to.

“Kuni,” you whine, lifting your head from the textbook. “Can you get me some water? I’m thirsty.”

“Do I look like your maid?” he snaps, immersed in organizing his notes. “Get it yourself.”

“I’m picturing it now and you’re in a frilly dress and—”

“Forget I asked.” Setting his notebook down with an exaggerated sigh, he crosses the distance to the mini fridge and withdraws a bottle of water.

Grinning, you slide off of his bed and reach for it with a grateful hum. He smirks and takes a step back, holding it away from you.

“Seriously…”

Rolling your eyes, you lunge for it and he side-steps you with the practiced grace of a cat. You brace yourself against the wall and swipe at him. Again, he dodges, unscrewing the cap and shaking the bottle teasingly.

“I think I’ll take a sip for myself. All of this studying has left me so parched.”

“No fair! That’s mine!”

“Is it?” He pulls it away from his lips to observe the bottle and feigns surprise. “That’s weird. I don’t see your name on it.”

“Look closer!” you exclaim, but just as he’s about to humor you you pounce, tackling him to the ground—there’s a beanbag cushion that breaks your fall—and the water spills all over the both of you in the midst of the tumble. A slew of colorful words stick in Kuni’s throat and your laughter rings out melodiously. You seize his wrist and hold it down while reaching for the bottle in his other hand, where there’s still some water left. He struggles halfheartedly, relinquishing the bottle with a disinterested scoff, and you pull away from him to down what’s left.

While crushing the plastic bottle into a ball, you notice something on your palm—the palm that had grabbed Kuni’s wrist—and it takes a minute before the skin tone-colored substance registers in your mind.

Concealer.

You peer at him and notice that he’s cradling his arm, and confusion sprouts.

“So funny,” he spits with a hollow laugh. “You owe me a new beanbag if this one’s ruined.”

“Hey, hold on. What’s with the—”

“Forget it. You got your water, so let’s get back to studying. Or do you no longer want to be a perfect student?”

Without thinking, you grab his arm as he’s standing and when you look at his forearm you can see where the water’s started to wash the concealer away. Curiously, you scrub at it while he tries to yank his arm away, but when you unearth a dozen scars littering his wrist and climbing the length of his arm that creeping cold from before returns.

And suddenly you’re brought back to those phone calls—the ones where he’d threaten suicide and murder—and you stumble back as if you’ve been burned, half-expecting to hear those threats once more. Kuni’s staring at his wrist, his features twisted in grim disapproval, and for a moment you think he looks…hurt. Or maybe that’s sadness you see. Whatever emotion it was, it doesn’t linger because a quiet chuckle slips past his lips, and the sound is so very frigid it has your blood crystallizing.

“It really hurt when you said you never wanted to see me again.” Kuni peers down at you, and his eyes that had once been so bright and filled with light are dull and dark. “But nothing hurts more than loving you.”

You open your mouth to say something—anything—but the words won’t come. You’re rooted to the ground, horror slinking through your body and rendering you immovable. Your heart is in your throat, pounding so loudly it’s practically a drum, and a cold sweat washes over you.

“Each time I found myself hating you, I thought it was odd because I love you so much. I can’t possibly hate the one I’ve loved all this time.” He scowls. “But loving you hurts. Loving you feels like chewing glass and drinking poison. Loving you isn’t fair because while you moved forward with your ‘friends,’ I was forced to stay behind and pick up the pieces of what was left of you. So for every moment I couldn’t stand you, I tallied it on myself so that I’ll never forget the times I loved you so much I hated you.”

This can’t be happening, you’re thinking, curling your hands into trembling fists. He changed. He changed, right? This isn’t the same Kuni from before. This isn’t…

“And when I saw how well you seemed to be doing without me, I hated you even more.” Without warning, he’s grabbed your arm and hoisted you up. You open your mouth to scream, but no sound comes—not that anything could when he’s pulled a switchblade from his pocket and poised the pointed tip at your jugular. “You have poor taste in friends. Those guys suck.”

Tutting, he shakes his head at you like a parent might when scolding a child, and says, “Do you know how fucking tiring it was pretending? You think I care about pastries and stupid campfire stories? You really think I’d ever want to associate myself with that sorry lot?”

“K-Kuni, please let go of me. I… I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were—I’m sorry. So please just…”

“And then the first time you see me after all these years apart and you had the gall to lie to my face! ‘I’ve never met him before.’ Bullshit. You just didn’t want any of your loser friends to know our history, right? Because you’re ashamed to have known me, right?”

“That’s not it! I… I was just—I didn’t… I was… I just…”

“I… I… I…” he mocks, shoving you down onto the beanbag. It dips under the sudden weight, and you sink further into it when he points the blade at you. “Stop tripping over your tongue. I should be the one near tears! You cast me aside and then forgot all about me. You abandoned me when I needed you most.” His voice cracks at that last sentence, and your heart skips erratically.

“That’s not what happened! We needed space. I needed space. You were being too—” You stop yourself, unsure of how to phrase it. Too controlling? Too dangerous? Too scary?

“Lucky for you, I’m willing to overlook these past...slights.” The blade twirls effortlessly in his grasp, and you heave a relieved breath when he’s no longer pointing it in your direction. “Marry me and we’ll forget all about the past. We’ll start over.”

His demand almost stops your heart altogether. You stare up at him, mouth agape, and mumble a disbelieving, “What?”

“You heard me.” He seems to soften with his next words, and for a moment he looks and sounds like the Kuni who hangs out with you and your friends. The harmlessly fun Kuni who always takes such good care of you. “You’re the only one I’ll ever love, so let’s get married.”

“K-Kuni, I can’t... I really can’t...”

Within seconds the blade has found itself on his wrist, pressing into delicate flesh. Not enough to cut, but if he applies more force you’ll definitely see blood. You choke on a horrified gasp.

“What was that?” He raises his brow at you, challenging you with a calm smile.

Your mind reels in an effort to conjure a plan. What can you even do? If you take the blade from him, will he turn his anger on you? Will you have to wrestle him into submission? And if you do manage to get out of his dorm, will anyone believe you? He’s painted himself in such a pleasant light. Your friends love and trust him! So what can you say? And if there isn’t any solid proof, no one will even entertain bringing the authorities into this mess.

“I’m waiting, (Name). Are you really going to make me add another tally? Do you really want me to hate you again? Oh, but maybe I should start marking you! We can add a slice for each time you failed to love me. That way we’ll both look like used cutting boards.”

You need help, you want to say, but the words escape you.

Instead, you nod hastily and say breathlessly, “Okay, yes! I’ll marry you!” Swallowing your horror, you glance at the blade as it’s lifted from his skin. Thankfully, there isn’t a cut. “I... I’ll marry you, Kuni. So... So please don’t hurt yourself. Please.”

It feels like you’ve been strangled for an eternity, so when he finally pockets the blade the air in your lungs returns and you collapse against the beanbag, chest rising and falling in short, panicked breaths. 

“Good.” He bends down to your height, grips your chin with cold fingers, and forces you to meet his adoring stare. “We’ll look at rings tomorrow. Or maybe you’d prefer bracelets instead? I can be flexible but only for you, so you’d better be grateful.”

You swallow rising bile and nod. “T-Thank you.” You’re not sure why you’re thanking him when he hardly deserves it, but it feels like the right thing to say to ease the tension.

Kuni’s eyes sparkle, no longer a void of endless darkness, and when he leans in to capture your lips in his your heart sinks. You really can’t run from your past, can you?

#genshin chit chat #yandere-romanticaa #yandere scaramouche #scara says he needs you but what he really needs is a therapist first and foremost #adding heizou into the mix!!! he probably takes notice of your change in behavior #and confronts you one on one to ask if everything's okay #and he looks so concerned and his voice is so soft and so you break and spill everything #and he nods while he takes in all of this information before offering to help #he knows the law (he's studying it after all!) so he can help you #but what heizou doesn't tell you is that the law might crush one evil person but it can easily protect other evils :) #especially him who is oh-so-honorable and sweet #you'd never know he wants to be more than just friends #and that he has a journal detailing your every move #but also i like the idea of heizou being a genuine friend and the two of you grow closer while trying to find ways to get scara caught #and taken away from you for good #but yan!heizou just hits so deliciously orz #also also!! adding in rosalyne~~ she went to the same uni as kuni (in snezhnaya) #but when he finally found out where you were he transferred #and rosa only realized they went to the same school when she found out from ajax (who also attends the same uni) #kuni probably worked part-time as a hospital receptionist before he transferred schools #and he's pretty sure the doctor there is a serial killer or he's just on the border of criminally insane (this is dottore after all) #(me looking at every way i can insert each harbinger into this au >:D)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

+3 friendship with Jin Ling: He actively tries to dissuade you from further embroiling yourself in the homosexual allegations.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #jin ling #jiang cheng #nie huaisang #For real though it's so sweet how desperate he sounds when trying to save mxy's face. #Jin Ling genuinely likes this uncle! He's let him into his heart! #Why his uncle is so desperate to make his reputation worse is beyond him!!! #The same uncle who has time and time again proven to be genuine in his intentions and has been there for JL in so many ways! #JL wants to return the favour! Alas it is like holding a dog back from eating the onion chips on the ground. #I sure hope nothing betrays jin ling's trust in this new bond! #(and yes I am keeping NHS and JC's sleep wear in the next scenes. For the whimsy) #In other news - LWJ finally gets a little hand hold. Most likely it was a highfive that lasted a little too long. #But it counts okay? To him it counts. #Speaking of: I went sooooo long in life not realizing the 'hee hee let's compare hand sizes' was a flirt move. #I thought people were just genuinely curious about fingers and hands. But no. It's not that. It's a hand hold move. #I'm here for the science and research. You are here to flirt. We are not the same.

[whynotimtired]

The best part of Will saying he wants forever with Mike so blatantly is that he isn't the one who brought it up, Mike was. In an act of projection he asks "What did you think? That we'd actually get to be together forever? When we're both boys?" and will says yes. He says yes, and Mike immediately regrets it.

#not even going to get into how earth shattering it was for me to make that reference #i didnt even realize that's what i was writing until halfway through #he said yes. he said yes. (it was the worst thing I'd ever done.) #accidentally implying he doesnt also want forever with Will #gonna scream #this is so stupid dkndnd i just woke up #byler #will byers #byeler #mike wheeler #stranger things #mike wheeler is gay #AND KNOWING THAT WHEN WILL MOVED ALL MIKE DID FOR A FULL MONTH WAS LOCK HIMSELF IN HIS BASEMENT AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES #LIKE #IT CANNOT GET MORE BLATANT THAN THIS #will 'i want forever with you' byers and el 'hes my first boyfriend' hopper #also imagine how much white hot rage mike felt when will said 'you called maybe a couple times' when mike called CONSTANTLY- #and will NEVER called him back #i hate the roller rink scenes they both think that theyre being ignored and dropped by the person who they care about most in the world #& the idea that once mike finally got on the right page and understood what the painting & the speech meant. WILL flew to a whole diff BOOK #mikes like holy shit he loves me this is all ive ever wanted & then wills over here like TELL HER YOU LOVE HER CAUSE YOU'LL NEVER LOVE ME #mike 'I thought my wants were something i had to grow out of. i thought i you would never love me the way i do you so i tried to move on- #but YOU want ME?? YOU want forever with ME? Then i want it with you.'