#i know will NOT happen but i just . idk

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[lazylittledragon]

Please please tell me that Tara just loves baby dekarios

oh she’s invested from day ZERO

top 10 pictures taken right before a specimen jar ‘accidentally’ falls off a shelf ^^^

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #gale dekarios #galemance #dadkarios #i haven’t played gale origin so i don’t know her very well yet but i feel like she and tav have a kind of. distant respect at first? #idk about you but with my childhood friends’ partners i’m out for blood if anything bad happens #but like after a while she’s not above an ear scratch and a lap cuddle #also she’s got the mini dekarios to keep safe now!!!! #or cyra is just comfy who’s to say

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

a couple scribbles i cleaned up. also i think i like drawing him in varying states of distress

#i desperately want to know what happened the first time he cried #actually is that something he can do? is he capable of it? #i feel like he wouldn't like it... #since crying is messy and we all know he enjoys/values his appearance greatly #i mean cmon. its an involuntary loss of composure. and especially if he doesnt understand what/why its happening #so in my mind rn hed be idk... kinda desperate to stop crying & act fine? #HES SO FASCINATING. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM <3 #many things probably! #what to do when you're a puppet created as a blank slate while everyone around you already Knows Shit and Understands Feelings #scribble salad #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home fanart #welcome home wally #wally darling #i know there's a lot of Head Empty jokes abt him #but honestly he gives the vibes of thinking constantly #always absorbing information and considering and learning and Forming Opinions #he LOOKS head empty. but he isnt. #i just cant imagine him never not Thinking #unless he really is head empty in which case. good for him. i support him no matter what. hes just like me<3

[twinstxrs]

so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high junior year #fig faeth #ruben hopclap #lucy frostblade #the rat grinders #adaine abernant #kipperlilly copperkettle #watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we don’t even know if he’s guilty!!!! #this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk #like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was #what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice… like oh my god #my comedy brain is having fun but my ‘this is a teenager’ brain is in such deep distress all the time this season #the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands #also with the devil’s nectar i’ve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now i’m curious if they’ve been intentionally- #changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they aren’t guilty. idk #but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesn’t quite add up #they could have another source maybe??? idk i’m just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here #there’s also the strong possibility that they’re aware of what happened but they weren’t the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows #the way you could probably devil’s nectar yourself into believing it wasn’t your fault someone died… CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!! #anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders don’t ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance

[barghest-land]

ata tu corazón, mi amor, y arrástralo por la tierra

#this art hurts so bad #in a way i'd never be able to explain #also it just upsets me a lot because i don't like how i did it:( #idk how to make it better so i'm just gonna leave it as it is #and go to sleep good night #it was supposed to be cool and simple just like that #but in my eyes it's just missing everything and i don't know how to fix it #genuinely thought it was gonna be a good art but here i am oh well. that happens i guess #im sorry javier :(( i'll make more good art i promise #barghestland #art #artists on tumblr #rdr2 #rdr2 fanart #javier escuella

[future-crab]

It's been said before, it will be said again, but it's still worth saying: the fact that art centering on straight romance is allowed to just be bad, but art with queer romance in it always has to be indicative of A Serious Problem With the Way We Tell Queer Stories makes being a queer person making queer art deeply stressful

#just saw smthing about red white and royal blue #and like i never watched/read that one so maybe everything ppl say about it is true #and i never watched heartbreaker or love simon so maybe those ones are also genuinely a sign of a serious problem #but idk. the fact that this happens every damn time makes me think that maybe queer stories are being held to different standards #and it's exhausting writing stuff while having a chorus of voices in the back of my head saying i'm misrepresenting my own identities and #making the whole community look bad by writing mediorcre romance #and knowing that even though i'm neither straight nor a girl there WILL be ppl calling me a straight girl fetishizing queer relationships #lgbt #queer community #writer stuff #idk what else to tag this #asexual #bisexual #nonbinary #venttag

[ghostbeam]

I bet choso is so weird when he’s into u like u go out with friends and he just stares at u and it’s like that for weeks like he just doesn’t say anything to u first ever but he’s just. Always there he doesn’t really know what to do about it but he knows in his brain ur already his and like sometimes he’s next to u in the bar like on guard looking over your shoulder and u don’t even realize it until u turn around and more often than not he scares the shit out of you but eventually u get kind of used to him always being there and you’re not sure what changed or if anything ever did but now your leaning into him and letting him hold his arm across your chest protectively and sometimes he gets this scary look on his face when people look at you but honestly you don’t even mind it

#I think choso and u are dating and u don’t even know how it happened #hes Never asked u out or tried to take u on a date #but sometimes he just happens to be in the same place as u #I just think it’s never like formal #like it just happens #choso Just doesn’t know how to be normal abt it hes like #he’s just always there #and it feels right even if it is weird how he always shows up when ur out somewhere or holds onto u a little too tightly when u go out #and ummmmmm idk👁️👁️ #hes a weirdo………and it’s hot……… #ghost thoughts

[steddieas-shegoes]

AU where Steve has decent parents. They aren’t great, but they’re not bad. They show up for major things and tell him they love him, but they don’t understand him. They don’t get that he needs more than that.

So Steve’s nanny keeps in contact with him even after she’s let go because “Steve doesn’t need looking after” at the age of 10. She checks in with him all the time.

Ms. Munson is always bringing him a dish from her own dinner with her brother and son, making sure he has someone at the awards days at school, makes sure he has gifts at Christmas that he’ll actually like.

But she never invites him to her home and it doesn’t hit him until his senior year of high school that she’s Eddie Munson’s mom, that they live in the trailer park that he was never allowed to go to, that her brother must be Wayne, who took him fishing once when he got his heart broken by his first girlfriend.

He’s a different person now, but not to Eddie.

As time goes on, and he experiences more trauma than any single person should, and he gets Robin as a platonic soulmate, he realizes that Ms. Munson still shows up. His parents don’t bother much anymore, but she does.

And two days before spring break of ‘86, she sends Eddie to Steve’s house with a care package.

When Steve shuffles through the items, he nearly chokes on his own spit when he finds a bag of pre-rolled joints.

Eddie comes up with excuses, brushes it off as just a friendly gesture for someone his mom cares so much about.

But Steve won’t hear it. He asks him to stay and smoke one with him, take the edge off since he’s been dealing with midterms.

They get high on his back patio, talking and laughing late into the night, so late that Eddie almost worries he’ll have to go to school in his clothes from the day before.

Steve won’t hear it, offers his shower and his “most metal” clothes- his only black jeans and a plain white t-shirt with the sleeves cut off- and says he can sleep there for the couple of hours left before school.

Eddie wakes up to Steve making coffee and toast, using the jam his mom had included in the care package and a smile that made Eddie’s cynical heart flop in his chest.

Eddie didn’t think the next time he saw Steve would be when he was holding a broken bottle to his neck, terrified of everything and everyone, but the moment they had a second alone, Steve hugged him close.

“It’s a shit way to be welcomed into the group officially, but I’m glad you’re not alone.”

Steve and Eddie were inseparable while fighting Vecna, both of them insistent on protecting the kids.

When Steve managed to get Eddie to the motel the Munsons were staying in after El managed to get rid of Vecna, Ms. Munson was standing at the door with tears in her eyes.

“My boys.”

She patched them up, better than any doctor probably would have, giving them small kisses on the head when they winced in pain.

And eventually, she tucked them into one of the beds in the room, ignoring how they hadn’t stopped holding hands for the entire night.

She’d been hesitant to introduce them; Eddie, for all his talk of accepting people for who they are, struggled to accept how much she did for Steve, not understanding why he may need it.

But it seemed like she didn’t need to force anything. They found their way together in the end.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #idk idk idk I just think life has a lot of weird intricacies and sometimes we are connected in ways we don’t know until one tiny thing #happens and suddenly we realize #and I think in any universe Steve and Eddie would find a way #headcanon

[the-meme-monarch]

loop my beloved

#i don’t think ​I’m anywhere near being done with this game but if anything happens to any of these characters i’ll bite my hands off #the art gallery #in stars and time #i tried to do some dappled lighting but idk if i like how it turned out 💔 so i included the sketch #EDIT i feel like i should mention i know Full Well shit is going to happen if all the art of siffrin crying is anything to go by. i just kn #i just know that once i actually get there it’s gonna fucking wreck me JXSJSMXJMSSMXJSJ #ans i mean art of siffrin crying as in In The Game. i think it literally opens on an image of them crying ?

[nerdpoe]

Jazz and Johnny got...way more involved that Danny will ever want to know.

And Jazz, very liminal, actually fell pregnant.

She opted to leave for a bit, have the baby, and adopt it out. It was half ghost and half very liminal human, she had no idea what the GIW would do to it.

So she left on an "extended study trip", gave birth, gave it over to the adoption agency, warned them there was a high chance the kid would be a meta, and went about recovering.

Unbeknownst to her, that baby was immediately stolen by one Sheila Haywood for the purposes of tax fraud.

From there, the baby was given to Willis Todd, after Sheila lied and said that he was the father.

From there, the baby was put under the care of Catharine Todd, who died far too young.

From there, the kid tried to steal Batman's tires so he wouldn't starve.

Fast forward, and Jason Todd, now an adult, decides to pay a visit to the new head Psychologist of Arkham to vet the lady.

He ends up staring into a set of eyes that mirror his own, and when he runs the DNA from the hair he stole off of her, it comes back positive that yeah.

That's his mom.

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #phanfic #story prompt #jason doesn't know what to do with this information #this is the second surprise mom he's ever gotten #and it's weird that it happened twice #which means that if willis wasn't his dad #then who the fuck was #idk i just thought “it'd be pretty neat if Jason was literally half undead and that's why superboy prime could rezz him so easily”

[milkbreadtoast]

idk how i want to draw him yet and not ready to make a srs attempt but here's a bad kdj phone doodle lol🚶🏻

#orv #kim dokja #omniscient reader's viewpoint #my art #oh yeah i didnt have ref for this fkdnfn was going off memory of the last (first) time i drew him #i cant do a serious attempt tho bc i havent read the novel so i dont have a clear image of him in my head yet... #(dont want to just copy the webtoon design hastily... if it matches my image thats fine but... idk yet) #my main opinion on the webtoon design is he's too hot/ikemen tho KFJDKDJ (this is what i thought since the beginning) #its like BONES mp100 anime reigen.... kdj is like manga reigen to me /j #but who knows maybe if i catch kdj brainrot i too will start drawing him like a kpop idol out of affection...🤷🏻‍♂️ #like the webtoon artist prob draws kdj pretty bc they love him sm #just like how i draw jys pretty bc of my brainrot... #so who knows maybe that will happen to me too🤷🏻‍♂️ time will tell #my main opinion on webtoon yjh (no one asked): CUTE BUT WHERES THE T1TTY BEL- *voice muffled as i get dragged away* #(copied most of these tags from twit too lazy to retype the commentary) #EDIT: i call him reigen jokingly bc theyre abt the same age but #kdj is also mob core to me.... #in that theyre both protags that dont look flashy and look more like extras/'mob charas' #yet r irrevocably unequivocably the protags of their respective stories #(just as everyone is the protag of your own life! sieze ur narrative! etcetc🖤) #also. both black haired bowlcut havers KJDJS #kdj is reigen coded (derogatory) and mob coded (POS) #hes also a 'con man like reigen..... yep hes def still reigen coded

[beanghostprincess]

I understand Garp, I truly do. But personally if my grandson were about to be executed just for existing after years of asking himself if he deserves to live, idk, I think I would've gone on a fucking rampage and had killed everybody

#i understand garp but i understand garp haters #and then luffy blamed himself for what happened like no baby the one who should've protected you didn't #don't come at me saying he was too deep in the marines and he was being cautious and responsible #'he literally told them to hold him back or else he'd kill everyone' i know i watched it #i'm just saying that i would've liked it if he had tried to kill somebody idk #no hate to garp but also yes hate to garp it depends on the day and how sad i am about ace at the time #one piece #monkey d. garp #portgas d. ace

[brucewaynehomeforangrychildren]

tim!

#tim drake #I have been trying to draw stuff for this blog for months and months it has not been happening #I love small tim and I was trying to draw robin tim but idk this is 15 or 16 y o tim so who knows where he's at #batman #robin #red robin #anybody out there? #I still love batfam it's just taken a backburner yall get it #this blog is FOUR YEARS OLD???? truly insane #love yall #art #fan art #comics

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

you want a new kind of guy, fine, i raise you: the lady i was briefly roommates with in college who once smoked a blunt at a party and then spent an hour confessing earnestly to me that she genuinely preferred reading detailed episode recaps over actually watching the tv show in question

#she sounded so remorseful & i just stood staring like an anthropologist watching their phd thesis spontaneously manifest before their eyes #apparently she would watch the pilot episode to get a feel for the characters #and then just read a bunch of recaps & episode reviews instead of watching future episodes. what fresh steaming hell #this conversation took place like a year and a half after we were roommates btw. i had seen her maybe twice in that time period #i thought she was a standard frat girl but then 18 months later she appears in the wild grass to reveal unhinged character background to me #and i'm just standing there nodding feeling like i missed a weird opportunity i did not want or ask for #honestly thought i was the weirdest person in that apartment situation but now i'm wondering what our other 2 roommates were hiding #not my strangest college experience at ALL but like. definitely top 20 #this wasn't the same person as Aquarium Girl btw but oddly enough they were roommates actually #(not at the same time that Recaps Lady and i were roommates but at different intervals idk) #anyway i probably should have interviewed at more than one apartment before taking over a sublease but summer sess is a weird time u know #oh and this happened in Hong Kong btw

[breadsandwiches]

This is all I have to say. Thank you good bye

#the dragon prince #tdp spoilers #tdp s5 spoilers #the way i almost screamed at this #idk what happens in the rest of the season but just know that this is all i needed best season 10/10 #my thoughts

[maethyslyth]

Would you believe me if I said I actually didn't like him–

#idk what happened #I didn’t care about it him I swear #then I searched for some fanfics/headcanons #just for curiosity #and the next thing I know I was drawing this #help this is mental illness #hes so pathetic fr #how quickly pity leads to love #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #doodles #self shipping #adam x me? #also Lute cuz shes badass #hazbin hotel lute