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kyoryu · 4 years

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i said i wasn't gonna say anything about the su eps (the finale) but me being myself i just Gotta say what i think. please know it's my own personal opinion and feelings, if you even read at all lol

(of course, steven universe future spoilers ahead) (if youre on mobile and read more doesnt work and you gotta scroll through it then sorry)

i havent been... liking suf that much. i tried very hard to like it since it started airing, but i just liked it less and less as episodes came out, to the point i wasn't even excited to tune in whenever new ones came out. i've been a fan since the day jailbreak aired which was march 2015 and this was the first time in all these years that i wasn't excited for new eps

i really wanted suf to be an actual epilogue and resolve things that were left in the air (we never did get the amethyst and mother figure rose episode at all, peridot's send off ep was just about steven, etc...) and when it began and it was just about steven i was like oh, well, i guess this'll do! i trust the crewniverse and it's true he needs his moment of aftermath!

i... "liked" the ending. i do like he leaves beach city, i think it's fitting, and i did feel emotional and etc. and all the unconclusive things can be overlooked, i mean as much as i love this cartoon it obviously isn't perfect and i have never ever glorified it and as much as it means to me (seriously, it's my biggest comfort) i've always watched it with a critical eye. that said, to just antagonize rose like this is unforgivable to me

her arc is told in reverse i get it, she's supposed to be good but everyone forgets this, and apparently not just the fandom. the moment they took down her painting the show itself just straight up finished painting her as the villain

i really, REALLY wanted the corruption to be an opportunity to somehow connect steven to his mother and talk. i desperately wanted him to reconcile with the image he has of pink/rose, and if he did, for ROSE to be there. she wasnt pink anymore when she died, and rose as rose quartz hasn't really been mentioned in forever. which is why we all forget who she really was upon having steven. steven's mother wasn't that bratty child anymore at all.

we are never reminded of the current person she was before dying. still not perfect but the most human she ever was in life. it would've been such a beautiful way to conclude this show, when she was the beginning of everything. when amethyst says "you know who'd be good at this" ("who?") "STEVEN!!!" i really thought she'd say rose instead of steven.

my twitter is on private but ive been talking about how i thought this would happen and i literally said that steven's corruption being fixed through love/family would be underwhelming because family, love and HELP are the very same things he's been rejecting since the beginning.

why does the same thing he's been saying can't help ends up helping? the only difference is that this time they realised he's always been there for them but they weren't. which...isn't true. at all. literally the episode "what's your problem" from season 5 tells us there's at least one person who says she wants to put him first for once. it's just not true that no one's ever been there for him. not even just that episode, like several ones after that, and throughout suf itself. everyone's known for A WHILE that they needed to stop putting themselves first and help him for a change

of course that help and steven ACCEPTING that help are two different things which is why he gets corrupted in the first place. but why is it that when he's corrupted he finally listens? i just can't seem to agree with the narrative here because apparently... being corrupted is what finally made him understand? why, of all things? when he was the most lost? i think it was just...for edginess points, and it breaks my heart. i think it's an interesting concept and all, especially manifesting from the half gem/half human version of ptsd but the resolution seems so lousy to me.

to me at that point the only person who could've understood him and helped him in a way no one else could was rose. she's the one he's been the most angry at. she's the one that made him a diamond. she is the CORE OF THE SHOW. if they could've only talked and he could come to terms with who he is and who his mother was, the fact he finally understands everyone's there for him would've made more sense. the way it was handled just made it seem... unreasonable?

anyways, that's mostly what i wanted to say. if you even read this whole thing, wow, thanks. again this is just my personal take as someone who holds steven universe VERY close to their heart and it just made me asdghgfdsd to see everyone glorifying the ending/show like it's flawless (and also i hate how if there's people who don't glorify it, it's just people straight up being su critical which hey, yikes, get a life)

the show still means so so much to me, but my heart is absolutely broken over the fact the ending was so underwelming and almost meaningless, or at least not as meaningful as it should be, being the CONCLUSION to a show like this. im just disappointed they forgot rose quartz was a character at all.

#steven universe #steven universe future #su spoilers #suf spoilers #val's talking tag #ok to reblog

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bidaryl · 4 years

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okay so u know those AUs where its like……rick wakes up from his coma and its the start of the apocalypse all over again after living through a fair chunk of it!! and its like him correcting mistakes and getting his second chance and shit OR the version where they ALL suddenly just wake up one day back in the modern world zombie free and it was all a dream but they all collectively had it so they find each other and meet up????? thats neat and all and i will read those fics till the day i die but u know what i have not seen and i rly wanna like. cry over?

daryl.

daryl waking up at the start of the end of the world. okay i haven’t put much thought into pre-rick era so like maybe just before rick comes in? maybe when merle and the crew leave for the city???? and its like a post-negan daryl thats waking up here. mayhaps the night glenn d*es and daryl gets taken? OR EVEN better maybe when jesus rescues daryl and its when daryl finally falls asleep for the first time in months on an actual pillow surrounded by certain members of his found family and then he just????? wakes up!!

he wakes up and he’s at the fcking quarry. his bitchass loudmouth brothers nowhere in sight cos as daryl figures out later, merle left the previous day. its the big reset button that everyone kinda wishes they had because they’ve all lost so much over the past 2-3 years but like… never though it could happen.

or! and i haven’t actually seen past carl dying so i’m not positive about things but hmmm what about a version when when rick ~dies. the bridge explodes. rick, for all intents and purposes of the show, /is DeAd/. and daryls a fucking mess becos that was on him and maggie and idk who else was involved in that plot or even if thats actually what happened. but from what ive gathered rick and daryl were kinda on the outs with the negan shit and that bridge scene could’ve been avoided. if things had just gone a bit differently. if they could go back in time just for a second! just one more chance! one more shot at things going differently and daryl could totally fix everything. then the next day daryls waking up at the quarry.

ugh cos THINK about it!! quarry era daryl and saviour/negan+ era daryl are so different? like the heart of him is the same but they all barely know each other at the start and daryls so angry and skittish and runs on fight or flight mode but alexandria/saviour/negan era daryl has like……bleed for these people? provided food and water for these people? led these people to safety? put his life on the line on several occasions for these people? made some of these people smile and laugh by just existing? stepped in as leader when rick has his moments? or like co leader with michonne & co.?

like would he tell anyone?? would he speak up more and try lead them to the farm cos that was a good move they did before? does he keep up pretences and chuck a tantrum over the crew not returning with merle or does he like. go ‘okay.’ and everyones like what the actual fuck. does he go into the prison and head for the cafeteria straight away to get the remaining prisoners out and kill that one bitch that fucks shit up for them??

he absofuckinglutely saves sophia. jumps that fucking guardrail before rick can even get out from under the car properly. carol literally not letting sophia out of her sight for days after daryl and rick and sophia all return like 2 hrs later, wet and covered in dirt and some blood but safe.

then!! if he did tell someone, who would it be?????? rick?? carol?? like how would that even go down. would he tell them maybe later on? prison era maybe. when michonne finally comes and they’re all debating whether to let her in or let her fuck off and stuff and daryls like wow i cant take this anymore rick that is ur future WIFE man. patch up her fucking leg.

or maybe carol. when they’re on watch together and carol casually mentions that daryl was over and into the woods, right on sophias heels, before people even realised which direction she went. how rick mentioned once to her that daryl seemed to know exactly where to find her. even picked up her doll without even seeming to stop. just seemed to know exactly what was happening. daryl just shrugging.

also side note. we, and daryl, do NOT know a butterfly effect. absolutely no ‘oh he saved xoxo and that means them and 2 others are gonna die!’ plots. nope. no way. this is the do-over of all do-overs. a one time fix it and fix it for the better.

THAT ALL BEING SAID this post is me being like hey what if daryl got a second chance whatever but no! what this post is truly about at its core is: IMAGINE a daryl thats lived….lets go with the ricks just died version. daryls lived that long and lost that many members of his family.

and then he hasn’t.

imagine daryl seeing beth for the first time again. the last time he saw her, he was carrying out her dead body to her sobbing sister. then they’re all at the farm again and she’s theres. alive and well and still young and bright and smiling. ‘you’re gonna miss me so bad when i’m gone’ he fucking did. he missed her so fucking much. he like. physically stops himself from like just going up and grabbing her and hugging the shit out of her.

daryl seeing sophia grow up? seeing carol become that mum. the mum that she always wanted to be and become still the strongest fucking women daryl had ever met but also like……..her and sophia. every time he sees them together he just wants to cry. carol deserves this so fucking bad. after everything, if he could save nothing else. he can make peace with himself knowing he gave carol this. this time with her daughter that she got robbed of.

daryl seeing glenn, alive, so so so young it seems compared to the the last glenn he saw. seeing him at camp at the quarry. seeing him talk to maggie for the first time. going from seeing him alive and so so so fucking real then his sleep being filled with nightmares of That night. how long after glenns death did daryl blame himself. would’ve put his head under the bat without hesitation if it meant that glenn could live and meet his son. him and maggie can run hilltop together. and now he’s real and he’s tangible and he’s funny and daryl spent so much of his time remembering glenn and feeling guilty that he never even really let himself miss him? but fuck he’s missed glenn so fucking much. missed having his back out on runs and glenn having his.

meeting aaron and eric again. going to that spag bowl dinner, eating the fuck out of it, just enjoying watching these two gays in love have dinner with each other at the end of the world. thinks about how they specifically invited him over for dinner. erics not gonna die this time round. they’re both gonna met gracie. bring her back number plates. help her put them on the wall, put them amongst all her drawings.

meeting merle again. knowing that merle died for him. them. the whole family. michone. idk if i want merle to live or die idk lets move on.

hershel lives!!!!!!!!! no beheading here!!!!!!!! fuck that!!!!!! fuck the governor!!!!! maggie and beth and glenn do not ever have to witness their father (in law) being killed in cold blood! no! hershel fits in v well with the alexandia community and thrives there. daryl makes damn sure of that.

daryl on that first day they meet jesus? him and rick getting in that car, rick singing that damn song, and daryl realising oh Shit! its that day already?? and then jesus, the fucker, does exactly what he does last time. and daryls just like.......so fucking happy that jesus is HERE and ALIVE and RIGHT THERE that he doesnt even get to outsmart him. show off. jesus pulls the firecracker stunt again and swipes ricks keys and when rick and him are stranded there and jesus has taken off with the truck, daryls just standing there like how the fuck did i let that happen. chases him around the field AGAIN! ‘duck!’ ‘thats my gun!’ AGAIN!!!!!! <3<3<3

the long road of the apocolypse is just as hard the second time as the first but everytime daryl looks around at his family and sees everyone they lost so tragically last time, alive, hes like..................a MESS. theyre alive! and safe! and hes so happy that his family is all together again.

#ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #m #text

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faunusrights · 4 years

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OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG [SPOILERS EDITION] // CHAPTER 16

WARNING: THE SPOILERS EDITION INCLUDES SPOILERS FROM THE ORIGINAL VERSION OF OFFAL HUNT AND GIVES AWAY PLOT IMPORTANT DETAILS NOT YET COVERED IN THE REMASTER. IF YOU ARE A NEW READER TO OFFAL HUNT, DO NOT READ THIS VERSION!

requested by diesel, supported by kc. why am i still here, just to suffer.

firstly: both chapters 15 and 16 touch on cinder’s grimm blood SO MUCH and it’s fucking bonkers how much of it she gets away with glynda “dumbass” goodwitch MISINTERPRETING as her being a faunus, and it hurts me as a reader because I MYSELF am aware of something that cinder IS VERY AWARE OF and watching glynda dodge the truth by a spare MILIMETER is killing me. GLYNDA OPEN YR EYES. GL Y N D A

also, im gonna try and cover all the places i 👈😎👈'd in in the chapter 16 liveblog so hold tight whilst i find all fifty fuckin billion of em

okay so THIS ONE... also ties into what i said BUT ‘shearing parts of their own bodies in a desperate break for freedom’ rly Whacked me over the head because it rly makes me think of when cinder saw lamia in the og version and how she was so soft and human and she was leaning into it SO hard... and we’ve covered this in an earlier chapter in which cinder acknowledges shes being Too Human (what with the dressing up and such) but the fact that shes still. TOO human. trying so hard to fit into her Other Life away from her momma what w/ em and merc and everything and im like woof. glynda. too close 2 home. TOO CLOSE,

also ‘whats sadder than this’? a disappointed mom. u know it,

we had the gay bit where i ceased to fucking exist as a queer and gay because hohoho cinder’s bobbies etc but aLSO

im thinking of the pasta scene. do we remember the pasta scene? i remember the pasta scene. i am thinking of the pasta scene, and i choose to forget,

/claps me little hands

this happened in chapter 15 too w/ a BILLION references to volcanoes but GOD GLYNDA JUST. SHE GETS. SO CLOSE TO THE TRUTH.

SHE SNIFFS THE TRUTH DIRECTLY AND THEN JUST. TURNS AROUND??? GLYNDA COME BACK YOU HAD IT. YOU HAD IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and also the reminder that cinder was one of several attempts that didnt make it, made all the more agonising to know it TOOK A WHILE TOO. ugh the relationship between cinder and her mom and what cinder feels she owes versus how much lamia loves her fucking. it is easily the most tragic part of this whole fic and im not ready to see it happen again. never before have i felt such empathy for the Bad Guy and i can feel it coming. its approaching and im scared.

this post must SUCK on tumblr mobile none of these images will load but im being lazy JKGHDSFGSFD

knowing that glynda is communicating these deep-seated fears of wanting to Be More and cinder knows. KNOWS she is ACTIVELY in this MOMENT trying to take that away from her??? to BECOME glyndas greatest fear??? to leave her nothing but this hollowed shell of nothing????????? glyndas done SO MUCH the be the hero and the good guy because thats what she felt her life was and cinders trying to abuse that to make her the tool of the end of the world and cinder can. SHE CAN FEEL IT. in that instant she has to face being glyndas greatest nightmare and like. fuck. thats SOMETHING huh. IM GOING MENTAL.

“What is your destiny?” Glynda asked, feeling bolder than before.

The fingers brushing hair behind Glynda’s ear stalled. Cinder’s palm laid warm against Glynda’s high, sharp cheekbone. Something stuttered and then leapt between them, and Glynda’s face went hot when Cinder whispered, “You.”

“Me?”

“We were born in the same year. You couldn’t have known that—that we’re the same age.” Cinder paused and withdrew her hand, tucking it against her own chest. “But my mother felt it. I always knew.”

Glynda didn’t begin to know how to respond.

“We were born in the same year,” Cinder repeated, almost as if to remind herself, like swearing an oath. “We’ve always been each other’s destiny.”

“I always thought it was my destiny to die,” Glynda finally admitted. “Just like my mothers.”

“No,” Cinder said, distantly. “No, it isn’t.”

okay this is. the bit. The Bit. sit down a sec whilst i try and sort this out in my brainmeat. like ive actually paused my music this is how serious i am.

this section epitomises the plot of the fic. such like lamia and the witch soul, glynda and cinder are soulmates, but the enemies edition. and this plot -- the arc of offal hunt -- isnt just an enemies to lover slowburn, but how these two redirect the very forces of fate to become the very thing that could not have been, right? born in the same year, destined to battle each other out, the fight of the witch and the Witch, destined to be bound in blood and fire.

and they ARE. and theyre also NOT. because they DO make it their destiny... but in THEIR way. this story ends how it SHOULD -- with them locked in great battle -- but ends how they WANT, being together, bound forever.

and cinder’s last line really does it because in some sense glynda WONT die in the machine, of course. its built off her living... functionally forever, in a sense? but what cinder says is TRUE also with the END because glynda dies... and then DOESNT. SHE JUST DOESNT. SHE JUST SHRUGS THAT SHIT RIGHT OFF.

the story subverts destiny BY FOLLOWING THEIR DESTINY EXACTLY. BUT IN THEIR WAY. THEIR PATH. and thats why this bit HURTS because if we took this in bad faith cinder means ‘yr destiny is not to die (but be used forever to fuel endless suffering)’. but we know as Veterans -- even if cinder probably literally doesnt -- that shes right. glyndas destiny isnt to die. its to be exactly where she belongs.

WHAT IS THIS POETIC CINEMA. I HATE IT.

this final segment was me realising that of course, betrayal is forecasted. this chapter is so soft and tender and paves the way for the ‘--to lovers’ part of this story, but glynda is going to realise that cinders being lying to her this whole time, and when that happens this part of this fic is literally going to be marred by that, u kno? but for now. for not. im gonna enjoy it as is. just a moment of bed sharing and secrets, and also cinders bobbies.

#offal hunt #liveblog #spoilers

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heads-in-the-clouds-spacecadet · 4 years

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When asked to write a daily diary for anxiety management.

Here are a few days example....

Sunday 24th

Mood/anxiety = numb.

Additional meds =8mg of diazipam.

My whole body aches yet it shouldn't. My stomach is growling yet i feel physically sick.

Things i ask myself....

Q.1 Will i leave my safe space, weighted blanket & mountain of pillows?

A.1 NO.

Q.2 Will i manage my yoga routine

A.2 NO

Reasons....Why

I feel exhausted even though ive not been outside since Thursday. I just want the aching to subside the pain to leave. My jaw is clenched closed making eating an ordeal. I know this needs to be done.

The dread of what passive aggressive message/s ill receive today either in person or written either way im struggling to motivate myself to move.

The Internet has been blocked for nearly a wk now. But i just let it slide as the saying goes choose your arguements "wifi is not the hill i want to die on" quote from TBBT. I hear Luke (my brother) is now in his bedroom and his door is closed. He has been banging around the house sending passive aggressive messages (sms) since 4am. My belongings that i left downstairs were thrown into my room. I'm nervous to leave my room till i know he is asleep.

Flashback/negative thoughts....

1. How can my baby brother be an emotional manipulator.

2. Last time i had to justify my everymove i was in Portugal in a very bad relationship.

*****Ways im looking to excuse his behaviour. Find the cause to my sudden crash of low mood aka depression with a nice battle of anxiety.

---Logically i know its not the same.

---Emotionally it hurts the same.

The way he looks at me with disgust, resentment & impatience is the trigger. I realise this. How someone you love can make you feel this way.

Solution: i decide to find a solution to the sudden conflict of money and i know there is a receipt in the car. I go to the normal place the keys are kept and theyre no where to be found. I look in all the obvious logical places they could be and realise theyre hidden by my loving brother. His Reasons, 1-to stop me buying shit (his words). 2. He has decided its his house, his car so therefore his rules. (Its all my mums btw)

As im downstairs i notice the kitchen is a mess. Pots all over from a feast Luke cooked up the night before. Or should i say 2am.

So i feel defeated. Ive basically been cleaning non stop everytime i use a room as per gov guidelines and he just doesnt seem to comprehend the severity of the situation.

I decide i need to eat. So i opt for Shreddies with Oat Milk (Luke has a serious milk allergy to the milk proteins in cows milk so im not fussed about milk and am happy to use alternatives) topped with vanilla soya yogurt, bannana, a few cranberries, 3 strawberries, sultanas and crushed Almonds. My logical brain is telling me eat well as we are not leaving the bedroom again unless desperate.

I send a few messages to the family whats app (Luke refuses to be a part of this) and receive encouraging and support in return. Everyone is struggling in their own way so i appreciate having a small outlet between us all.

After food i sleep finally.

Trying now to Ready myself for round 2 which i know is coming.

My mum calls i dont want to answer but i do. I explain the situation. She knows, she has dealt with his angry behaviour since he was 11yrs old. She stated she is coming to visit Tuesday as per new gov guidelines and we will meet in the park. She then asks me to pass the phone to Luke which i pointblank refuse. Im not ready for round 2 yet. Especially since he has his own phone he is just not answering making everyone worry about him but he just resents it. Its safe to say im proud i refused to do something. Gold star award ⭐

Monday 25th

Mood/Anxiety - still no change from yesterday but i decide i have to force myself to move. Wash, clean and pack the additional things my mum has requested.

Additional meds - i decided against taking anything today as i need to be clear headed for my appointment Tues and obvs my mums visit.

I check the weather see its a nice day decide washing is task 1. I set a bath running (multi tasking saving time from all the free time) and head downstairs to pop the washing machine on. Before i left my room i checked my phone for messages i have one from my mum telling me she has had words with Luke and that he needs to basically deal with the resentment in a more positive way.

This explains all the banging and loud music yesterday early eve. He decided to actually clean.

Anyhow I head downstairs. Kitchen is clean, messages all wiped from the black board.

I decide i must try and communicate with Luke as we cant take the conflict with us to the park it isnt fair to our mum.

I can hear him moving so send a sms message asking if he wants anything in the oven. No response. ***He did finally get out of bed at 3pm so a peaceful day so far.

I decide food is required. I opt for protein soya burgers x2 with Spinach, tomatos, avacado, sultanas, almond pieces and some crumpets. I sit in the garden to eat.

All washing is out and drying but im to anxiety ridden and unmotivated to enjoy the sunshine.

I head back to my room to sort bits for my mum and throw away my origami collection. It was over taking my room and again causing conflict.

Lukes awake!!!. I decide to say hello. So far so good. He decides to make himself lunch and throws a fit because i ate a £0.45 avocado. I walk away as i know he is just venting and i need to not start the circle of negative thoughts or interactions. This is rewarded with resentment. Luke suddenly decides to do his own washing and cut the grass. Which means my washing is in his way. Before he even starts i am pulling in whats dry mainly because i want to go back to bed and need my bedsheets but also because he wont care if my washing turns green or is damaged. To my delight my sheets are dry but my pjs etc need another 30mins so i leave them whilst i go and make my bed.

Im bellowed at about washing as Luke needs the line. So i head down stairs to reteive the rest of my belongings.

Self soothing thoughts...

Im walking on eggshells trying not to provoke the beast and i need to keep going. Focus on my achievements. I left my room. I cleaned myself, my clothing and my pillow fort which has been my safe zone for the past 4days.

Deep down thought i am disappointed as i know isolation and distancing is not a long turn solution as the yrs pass im becoming more and more isolated and lonely.

Im downstairs again and i ask Luke if he wants anything popping in the oven as i was having toast. He requested 2 burgers and chips but on seperate trays as he was hungry. Easy to do popped into the oven. 40mins later chips are cooked he is plating up and all he says is "why have you cooked so many chips, clearly we now live in a household of wastefulness".

This was the turning point for me id had enough for 1day and just told him to give it a rest and went to my room.

Im dozing with Big Bang on in the backround and Luke is banging on my door. Mums on the phone. Confirming arrangements for tomorrow. I say a few oks with the occasional nod.

I start packing the bits n bobs my mum has asked for and carry then downstairs so theyre ready for the car tomorrow am.

Its PJs and bed time. Luke has other ideas. He is awake and up and about at 4.30am. Having a bath at 5am, doing weights after his bath at 6am then leaves in the car at 7am. He is back around 8am banging has a shower then decides to leave again in the car. He is meant to be house-bound until July 1st. This in itself causes me anxiety as i cant handle watching another member of my family die in front of my eyes.

Thoughts...

Yes this is VERY dramatic. STOP IT BRAIN!

Take precautions all will be ok.

Tuesday 26th

Mood/Anxiety = No change

Additional meds = 4mg diazipam but late afternoon as i couldnt stop shaking and fidgeting.

My mum is coming to visit. Im trying not to think about the fact Luke is out of the house.

We are having a picnic social distancing style.

We head to the coop as Luke has decided even after knowing our mum all his life never be on time, we have to be early. I buy Costa coffee, fresh bread, hummus, bananas, diet coke and some biscuits the nature valley ones theyre really good. Luke doesnt go into the shop I think at least he is listening to some rules. He rolls his eyes as i spray the shopping with dettol spray and use the alcohol hand sanitizer for my hands and door handle etc. I just tell him its how it needs to be done.

We find a perfect parking spot under a bunch of trees. I notice that all the trees are trimmed in a very even shelf across the bottom. It looked like it was designed perfectly for people to walk straight onto the park from the car park without having to fight with tree branches or go around. But in actual fact its the deer. They eat the lower leaves this made me smile and relax for a moment. WIN.

My mum is late so im nervous that she is

1. Stuck somewhere (over reaction)

2. Lost (over reaction)

3. Just running late (normal reaction)

Im a tad fidgety as im aware i have an appointment in 2hrs. Hurry up MOTHER...

I ponder about work and whether or not ill still have a job to return too. Had an email this am stating theyre cutting 200jobs from the team i work in. So not sure if thats a good thing or not. But its also increasing my anxiety as ive read the email and now have a burning desire to do the research to see what my probability of keeping my job will be. Before my brain can go on a major tangent my mum arrives.

Shes brought Oscar (her poodle) he is so excited to see me. And the big hairy fluff ball gave me the biggest snuggles. He has a major Covid hairdoo. My mum doesnt hug me which hurts but i know she cant.

Picnic time. We sit in the middle.of a field away from everyone. Social distancing 10/10. My mum has made me my favourite cakes, rock buns. (Apparently these are a northern thing) but im feeling the love. Its fairly chilled only 1 disagreement with Luke over blinkin avocados.

Im clock checking and aware of impending appointment, im a little (understated) nervous because ive not had positive relationships with therapists or doctors in the past.

#mental health #lost #hurting #help #self reflection #finelinebetweenloveandhate #still breathing #GAD #recovery #survivor

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angrylizardjacket · 5 years

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morning light {John Deacon}

Anon asked: do you think you can write more fluff for deacy like a lil “morning after”ish bc i’m sad and i love him

A/N: 1877 words. I’m in sever pain and my ankle Hurt. I just want BoRhap’s Another One Bites The Dust!Deaky to tell me it’s going to be okay so picture him, and also just pretend he’s not married please and thank. Not exactly what the prompt asked for but God i’m a sap.

It’s... it’s weird waking up in the morning, and he’s still there, sprawled out beneath the duvet, morning light peaking through the curtains. Not weird bad, just weird. You didn’t really think you’d get this far; you’d been working as an assistant for the company that produced a majority of their music videos, and somewhere along the way, they’d started remembering you. Well, actually, John started remembering you.

It had started with ‘We Are The Champions’, in which you had the tedious job of being more or less an usher for the audience, though it was just a small crowd. While you were seating a particularly excited bunch close to the front, you look up for a moment to see the band warming up, and John Deacon smiling fondly at the excited audience members, before he looks to you. For just a moment, you share a look, and he gives a single nod of solidarity, which you return, before you both go back to your jobs.

When you show up to the filming of ‘We Will Rock You’, practically freezing your ass off in Roger’s backyard, you debate ever getting in to the music industry, and offer to go get coffee and tea for everyone as something to keep you moving.

“I remember you.” You’re so focused on the warmth of the drinks in your hands that you’re surprised when someone says more than ‘thank you’ when you give them theirs. It’s John, smiling at you, shivering, and holding the styrofoam mug so tightly you’re a little afraid it might burst.

“You do?” You answer, and his smile turns amused, before your brain kicks into gear. “I- yeah, I was there for the last shoot.” You agree. “I’m Y/N. I’d shake your hand but-” You gesture helplessly, both hands holding trays of drinks.

“Well it’s lovely to meet you, Y/N, I’m John.” He says, as if you don’t know, and you have to bite back a giggle. It’s then, when he sees the way you smile, and can feel his answering smile brighten, that he decides he likes you.

“Well, it’s lovely to meet you too.” You nod at him and he thanks you for his tea before you move on to the others, only preening a little bit when they praise you for bringing them warmth on the cold, winter day. ‘I remember you’ plays in your head on repeat; you can’t stop thinking about it, about the way he grinned at you like he’d know you his whole life, and you realise a few days later, when you’re still dwelling on it, you don’t even remember how cold it had been, just his smile.

“We really have to stop meeting like this.” On the set of ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ you’re the one everyone turns to as the go-between for the band and the crew, seeing as how you’d been working with them for over a year at this point. Now, you’re holding out a water bottle to John, pulse a little quick when he fixes you with a surprisingly affectionate grin of thanks, “I was asked to give you guys these.”

“Is that the water I asked for? That was quick; Y/N you’re a bloody legend.” You hear Roger call from behind you, bounding down from behind the drums to snag one of the other three bottles from your arms. John stays quiet as he takes the drink from you, watching Roger with an amused smile.

“I’m parched, thank you, dear.” Freddie takes the second, and after you and John share a look, an endeared smile at the grabby but thankful nature of the others, you turn, raising the final water bottle above your head.

“Brian?” You call, and he looks up from where he’s been tuning his guitar.

“Is that for me?” He asks, and you nod with a smile. He comes to collect the drink, and they all disperse back to their original places.

“We really do have to stop meeting like this; it’s what, the fifth time?” John finally agrees once they’re out of earshot, and you turn back to him, grinning.

“Sixth, actually.” You say, and he nods, making a face like he’s cataloguing the information in the back of his mind.

“Six, wow,” and after a beat, his gaze returns to yours, “six videos and I’ve never seen you at a wrap party?” At that you duck your head with a chuckle.

“I work during the week.” It’s easy to admit; it’s not that you dislike parties, persay, but you’re also not fond of turning up to your day job hungover. John hums, low and thoughtful.

“You should come to tonight’s.” He says, and you hesitate for a moment, looking up in confusion. “You don’t have to drink or anything - ignore whatever Freddie and Roger say - but it’d be nice to have you.” After a beat, he shrugged with a small smile. “But only if you want to, of course.” And you can’t help the small, pleased smile that makes it’s way onto your face as you head back to your station.

You do attend the party, squirrel yourself away on a sofa in the corner of the room, nursing your drink and talking to a revolving door of people who are getting progressively drunker as the night goes on. It’s getting close to midnight, however, when John finally joins you. The two of you had had a few conversations during the night, but he was inevitably pulled away by someone else, and you didn’t like to admit to the sinking sensation in your chest.

He asks you if you’re enjoying it, but your answering smile and nod is unconvincing. Truth be told, you were feeling a little lonely, a little out of place, and a little Cinderella having to still get up tomorrow at a reasonable hour. As soon as you admit you’re thinking of heading home, he offers to join you, to make sure you’re safe, telling you it’s no trouble when you try to wave off his kindness.

Your home is within walking distance, and you’re thankful for the breezy Spring air as you walk through the streets talking about everything and nothing with John by your side. He’s got his hands tucked in his pockets, and at one point you tuck your arm into his; he doesn’t comment on it, but you can see him smiling.

You’re an adult enough to admit to yourself that you’d developed a crush on him, observant enough to know he liked you well enough too, unsubtle enough that Roger had told you to get a move on, though he had been quite drunk at the time. As you walk, you’re not sure what’s holding you back, but you can’t bring yourself to say anything.

It turns out, you don’t have to, at your doorstep, he hesitates after saying goodbye, before quickly leaning in and kissing you on the cheek.

“Sleep well.” He says fondly, turning to leave. You reach out, grabbing his hand and he turns back in surprise, and you step forward to press your lips to his, soft and chaste. He’s actually blushing a little when you move back, seems a little surprised.

“You too.” You tell him, voice gentle and fond, and you head inside, catching his flustered smile as you look back over your shoulder.

He gets your number during the next video shoot, or rather, after.

“I should have your number.” Is what he actually says, voice serious like he’s been musing about it for a long time, despite the fact that he’s naked in your bed, a little out of breath, fingers linked with yours as you both take a moment. You’re heart’s still racing and you’re still in quite a heady state, and all you can do is laugh, warm and bright into the darkness of the bedroom.

You wake up the next morning and he’s still there, one arm around you where you’ve got your head on his chest. There’s an anxiety, an uncertainty in your chest, tension creeping into your muscles due to this change, this development in your relationship. But then he wakes up, voice rough with sleep, giving you an easy grin in the morning light as he greets you.

He’s warm and secure, he always has been, but it’s strange to have such solid confirmation, to feel his arms around you and feel like nothing could move you from that spot if you didn’t want it to.

He calls you, actually follows through and asks you out, and the next thing you know, the two of you are sitting in a fancy restaurant on an actual date. He’s so unwavering genuine, in his smile, his words, in the warmth he gives off; when you talk, you knows he’s actually listening to what you’re saying.

You learn he’s an engineer; he sort of fell into music, but he’s always had a passion for electronics, and after a few weeks, he shows you the amp he built (and then the false one he built for his mini fridge, which delights you). And then he’s plugging in his record player into the amp, puts on some old jazz single you didn’t really think he’d own, and he’s offering you his hand.

Taking it, you do actually giggle at the whole situation, a little bit flustered by the sweetness of it all. You’ve seen him dance on stage, of course, in videos, but here he wraps an arm around you, swaying gently in his studio, the carpet soft beneath your bare feet. As the music picks up a little, he gently prompts you to twirl, and when you’re back in his arms, there’s nothing but adoration in his eyes. You can’t help but kiss him.

The music keeps playing, but it’s like the two of you are frozen in time, the world falling away around you as you kiss him. Still holding each other like you’re dancing, his grip tightens just a little on your waist, his thumb brushes yours where your hands are linked before he lets go, moving to hold steady on your other hip while you wind your arms around his neck.

The song comes to an end, but neither of you break apart. The world feels right, here.

So even now, almost a year later, it’s weird to wake up in the morning, sometimes, and see him there, after everything he’s done in his life, all the places he’s been, and he’s still by your side. He takes your breath away sometimes, when he doesn’t even mean to, like now he’s not even awake but he’s so serene and you woke up holding his hand and you felt like your heart might burst.

“Good morning, darling.” Voice scratchy, he yawns, and you press an affectionate smile against his shoulder, a little embarrassed for still being so sappy after all this time. His free hand is gentle when he coaxes you up, pressing a kiss to your lips, amused and endeared. “What’s gotten you all smiley?” He asked, and you kiss him again.

“I just love you is all.” You tell him, and his smile brightens in the early morning light.

“I love you too.”

#john deacon #john deacon x reader #john deacon imagine #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #bo rhap #borhap imagine #queen #queen imagines #queen imagine #fluff #roger taylor #freddie mercury #brian may #the angry lizard writes

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owakoblack-portspa · 5 years

Text

A Dream of Bethlehem

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Pairings: Knights Hospitaller x Knights Templar; Prussia x South Italy

Characters: Teutonic Knights/Prussia (Gilbert), Knights Templar (Chris), Knights Hospitaller (Giovanni), Kingdom of Sicily/South Italy (Lovino)

It is not a very good day to go to Acre, not a very good day at all, people warn little Gilbert. The deeper you go into the city, the more dangerous it becomes, people say. But I am a knight, I am not afraid, Gilbert braces himself. He has seen blood flowing like a river, he has seen corpses piling up a mountain, but he has never seen a hell like this, right in the heart of the capital of the Holy Land. In the streets of Acre, where Christians fight Christians, where brothers kill brothers, homicide and fratricide become natural, even though themselves are not natural at all--it is not a holy land, it is a wild world inhabited by evils. To Gilbert’s utter disgust, after the fall of the Genoese flag, advance the crimson Hospitaller banner and a group of knights in black uniforms into the burning street. ‘Wait, can’t you spare the citizens’ houses?’ Gilbert stands in front of the charging army, but he is unwilling to draw up his sword. ‘And can’t you see the Venetians are our enemies? Step aside, child!’ a tall Hospitaller waves his naked sword towards the little albino. A heavy sound of two clashing swords--a white knight shields Gilbert from the gigantic man, and a string of blood instantly spills onto the red petit cross embroidered on the chest. Even though his left palm is pierced by the sword, and an ugly, bloody hole appears as his enemy’s sword is swiftly and cruelly drawn away, the knight does not show any sign of fear, and quite on the contrary, his angelic face still keeps on smiling. ‘Brother Chris!’ ‘Christien!’

Two boys cry out at the same time. As Gilbert is lying on the ground and Chris is standing in front of him to protect, Giovanni appears just in time, his handsome face furious and sweaty. ‘Stop! The little one is the Teutonic Knights! Our ward!’ Giovanni shouts angrily to the tall Hospitaller. The anonymous Hospitaller sheathes his sword immediately, despite Giovanni the teenager looks much younger than him. ‘I’m sorry, Your Eminence,’ the Hospitaller now looks pallid and trembles like a leaf, ‘I didn’t mean to hurt His Eminence the Order of the Temple, but...’ ‘It’s nothing.’ Chris waves his injured palm impatiently to everyone, smiling as usual, ‘I love playing the role of a martyr. I am so glad that I protected little Gil, in spite of the fact that YOU are his guardian, Gio.’ Giovanni can tell the satire in Chris’ words, but he is not going to argue with a wounded person--after all, his another profession is doctor. ‘Let me see your wound, Christien.’ Giovanni’s voice becomes softer, but firm. ‘I’ve told you it’s nothing.’ Chris’ face becomes paler as he draws his sword in a position of defence, his flaming purple eyes threatening, ‘If you dare to touch me, I’ll revenge myself on you now!’ Giovanni stops short, staring at the blond with sudden coldness, ‘I won’t if I can.’ Then he turns to Gilbert, and raises up the little boy, ‘Are you alright, Gilbert? I’ve promised the Kingdom of Sicily to take care of you. I hope you’re not hurt.’ ‘Don’t treat me like a child!’ Gilbert’s reddened eyes make him look more like a rabbit, and he jumps high to protest. Giovanni does not take his protest seriously. He simply holds up Gilbert’s clenching hand, and retreats with his army, without casting another look at Chris, who remains standing in silence .

‘Brother Gio, can’t you treat Brother Chris a little better? He has saved me! And of all things, why do you two fight each other? You both are christian military orders!’ At the Hospitaller headquarters, Gilbert enquires. ‘The Knights Templar are stronger than us. If we don’t fight to protect ourselves, we’ll be destroyed by them.’ Giovanni replies calmly. ‘Why do the Knights Templar want to destroy you? Brother Chris in fact is very kind-hearted. Even though he knows I am on your side, he teaches me combat skills...hoops!’ Gilbert just realises that he has leaked the secret between Chris and himself. ‘Gilbert, you know I’m not happy to hear this. I hope you won’t betray me as you’ve developed a good relationship with my archrival.’

It has been a week since Chris was injured, and since that day, Gilbert has been bringing medicine to the Templar castle on Giovanni’s command as a punishment of his ‘betrayal’. What Giovanni requires Gilbert to keep in mind, is that Gilbert must not let Chris know who is actually prescribing medications. However, in the end, Gilbert cannot help telling the truth to Chris, ‘Brother Chris, I really hope you can stop fighting with Brother Gio. You see, he regrets what he’s done to you, and sends...’ ‘I hope Gio is not behind this, otherwise I will not accept medicine from you any more.’ Chris interrupts quickly. ‘Why do you hate Brother Gio so much, Brother Chris?’ ‘I hate him for not sending me medicine, and I will hate him more if he asks you to send me medicine. In sum, I just hate him.’ Chris strokes his bandaged left palm with tender passion, but Gilbert is too young to observe this detail or understand these words.

After this street fight, the two gangs seem to have ceased fire for a while, not only because one of their leaders is injured, but also because the festive spirit is approaching. In the Cathedral of Acre, people busy themselves with the preparation of the biggest event of the year--Christmas. The interior of the church is semi-decorated, and still more flowers and plants are coming. ‘Gilbert, have you understood the ceremony process that I’ve just told you?’ Giovanni bends down to speak in the ear of the absent-minded little knight. Both of them stand beside the alter. Gilbert jumps, and finally turns his attention from revery to the taller knight, ‘Sorry, what did you just say?’ ‘Could you tell me why you can’t take your eyes off the audience seats in the church? Are you expecting someone?’ Giovanni frowns. ‘Brother Gio, do you know if Frater will visit Acre for Christmas?’ Gilbert asks carefully. ‘Yes, the Kingdom of Sicily told so me in a letter. And he will attend the Christmas mass as well.’ On hearing the news, Gilbert reacts dramatically: firstly his jaw drops, then his grin broadens, and finally he raises his hands high up in the air, ‘Hallelujah! What a good tiding!’ ‘Calm down yourself, Gilbert! Shouting is forbidden in the church. And if you don’t want Sicily to be disappointed with you, you have to work hard in preparation, understood? It’s your first time to celebrate Christmas, there’re many things for you to learn.’ ‘I know, I know! I’ll work hard for Frater, and on Christmas I’m going to pay my homage to Frater, and then I’ll become a real knight! I’m so awesome! Everything’s going to be perfect! Kesesese!’ Gilbert laughs happily. ‘Don’t be too proud, Gilbert. You have to work hard to achieve your goal. Remember: no pain, no gain.’ ‘But there’s someone lazier than me! Even though Brother Chris’ wound is getting much better, he never comes to the rehearsal, and he’s going to sing in the choir!’ ‘Christien’s done the mass many times so he doesn’t need much rehearsing, and in fact, I don’t think he wants to see me.’ Giovanni looks at the choir practicing singing in a corner of the church, which is consisted of young boys in white dresses. The most beautiful one is missing, just as he has expected.

The Cathedral of Acre has already been enunciated with devout Christians hours before the bells announce the approach of Christmas and the beginning of the Christmas Midnight Mass. The interior of the cathedral is full of the festive spirit, decorated with myriads of flowers, draperies, hangings, ribbons, and candles, making this spacious sacred place shine with all colours of the solar spectrum. Now the congregation is holding its breath to hear the steps of the approaching holy moment, that is to say, waiting for the mass procession enter into the nave. After the bells strike twelve times, silence remains as if time stood still, so everybody turns their head to the church entrance to look for the priests and professed knights. After several seconds pass, finally, to everyone’s relief, the door opens, and a group of people in surplice solemnly walk in. At the head of them is little Gilbert with silver hair and red-pupiled eyes, swinging from side to side a golden, smoking censer in his hands. The little albino holds his chin high and looks straight ahead, so even the distant audience can tell from his rigid movements and his slightly reddened physiognomy that he is at the moment very nervous. Many in the congregation do know that for this new-born German military order, it must be his first time to perform holy services in such a big event, and accordingly they understand his nervousness and cross their fingers to pray for his success in the debut. Among the understanding, kind-hearted people, is Lovino, the Kingdom of Sicily, who comes all the way from Palermo for this special occasion, and who now sticks his little brown head out from the crowd into the aisle covered with red carpets, which makes him so distinct that even Gilbert’s sweat-filmed eyes cannot prevent the little knight from noticing this great kingdom from afar. Consequently, Gilbert starts short, as if petrified, but Lovino is no malicious Medusa--quite on the contrary, he is the most amiable personage here, so he tries to unlock the magic spell by waving his little hand and smiling sweetly to his little knight, to salute, and to encourage him. However, for Gilbert, this is more like an ignition before an explosion than a mere encouragement, for in response, stuffed of energy, he sets himself off high in the air like a rocket, the censer in his hands swinging like a mad turning wheel, spilling hot incense everywhere. All at once a commotion is caused--people sitting nearby the aisle stand up to run, only to find that within such a dense crowd running is almost impossible, thus some panic is caused as well. At this critical moment, Giovanni, who walks beside the bishop in the middle of the procession, dashes out to catch the censer which now is flying out of Gilbert’s hands, and fortunately, after the catch, he is agile enough to regain his balance in time, and stands upright with the golden censer safely contained in his hands. He makes some effort to restrain himself from panting heavily, and immediately resumes his solemn, imperturbable look to hide his shock of this unexpected episode. Realising what has just happened, Gilbert becomes the most panicked person in the cathedral. He dare not look at Lovino’s face to see his disappointment, so he looks down onto the floor, feeling too shameful for himself to move. Seeing this, Giovanni pats Gilbert’s shoulder from behind to urge him to proceed, otherwise the procession would be blocked even though Gilbert is short and tiny. Accordingly Gilbert moves on, and from now on, he becomes half absent-minded for his sense of guilt, head drooping. Despite this, the following process goes on smoothly, the episode is soon forgotten, the audience watch the performance of the servers quietly, listen to the priests’ sermons attentively, and respond by saying ‘amen’ when their heart is quite touched. However, Gilbert’s tribulations are not yet finished. As a novice, he is to give a speech in front of the holy altar, in the face of the public. It is a narration of the nativity, which should have been already familiar to any christian, so before the mass, Gilbert was so confident that he did not bring the script with him. Now, it is high time for Gilbert’s speech, and for the sake of the sense of guilt he is still sweating heavily as if he had just been fished out from the sea: ‘It was...it was in the year of four before Christ, before Christ was born. (A pause.) On the day when Christ was born, Mary found no place to lie down herself and give birth to her child, so she just...she just lied down on the floor, (some hiss from the audience) and she saw stars shining bright in the sky. Oh, I forget to say, (laugh from the audience) there was an angel coming from the sky to tell her that the child is the savior of mankind. So back to the night when Jesus was born, there were three magicians...(somebody hoots)’ Finally Gilbert’s frustrated voice seems to fade away, and people can hardly hear what the little knight is saying, and neither can they see his mouth moving, for he persists in hanging his head down. Lovino, who sits in the front row for the prerogatives possessed by such a great kingdom like him, clasps his hands all the time to pray for Gilbert, and he even dare not bat his big, radiant eyes lest they would distract his knight, but it seems all his prayers are in vain. Giovanni, who stands righteously and solemnly among the priests and servers, is as anxious as Lovino from the bottom of his heart. ‘Can anyone please do something?’ he asked without producing a sound.

‘--Long time ago in Bethlehem So the Holy Bible say Mary’s boy child, Jesus Christ Was born on Christmas day.’

Suddenly, people hear someone singing. At first, people think it is the ringing sound of a crystal stream, for it is so limpid, so pure; and then, when they realise that it is from above, they take it as the voice of an angel, for it is so beautiful and so unearthly, like a beam of light piercing through thick clouds to warm the earth, to fill everyone’s heart with bliss. While the confused audience are looking about themselves, only Giovanni immediately finds out whence the voice is from--he has heard this voice on every Christmas, and yet he still can hardly believe it--as soon as he hears the singing, he raises his head and looks up to the carved balcony facing the altar where he is standing by, and sure enough, he sees a thin, pale figure stand out of the choir boys, beneath the enormous silver organ. It is Chris who is singing. He is clad in white, laced surplice, his pale countenance becomes more tender in the radiance from the white texture, and his soft, curly blond hair makes him shine like a midnight sun. He is not yet grown up, his delicate human form hardly tells his gender, and therefore he looks more beautiful than any man or woman, and so clinks his sweet, heavenly singing voice. Here he stands, so pure he looks, so angelically he sings, even Giovanni has to admit that on this particular occasion, if Chris were not the messenger from God, he cannot tell who this sweet creature could be. ‘It’s the Knights Templar!’ a little girl cries out happily, and her mother quickly quiets her. Even Gilbert looks up from the floor to the balcony gratefully as if he has found his savior, so continues Chris:

‘While shepherds watched their flocks by night Them see a bright new shining star Them hear a choir sing The music seemed to come from afar.

Now, Joseph and his wife, Mary Come to Bethlehem that night Them find no place to born she child Not a single room was in sight.

By and by, they find a little nook In a stable all forlorn And in a manger cold and dark Mary’s little Boy was born.’

The choir boys standing behind Chris, who are also sweet-looking, though not as beautiful as he, begin to sing harmoniously, and all the people in the cathedral sing along:

‘Hark, now hear the angels sing A new king born today And man will live forevermore Because of Christmas day.’

Now everyone rejoices again, because they take part in such a beautiful choir led by an angel, and has never felt so close to God before.

In many aspects, the midnight mass is as successful as last year, so afterwards everybody goes home happily. However, in a dark corner of the sacristy, Gilbert is found sobbing quietly. Because others are gone, only Giovanni and Chris see him. Chris bends down over Gilbert, beaming innocently as ever, and says cheerfully, ‘Gil, don’t cry, it’s Christmas!’ ‘I’m so stupid, I know nothing of Christmas! I’m not fit for being a knight!’ Gilbert tries to conceal his tearful face by burying it between his crouching knees. Even though Giovanni was unhappy for Gilbert’s failures of performance at tonight’s mass, which he believes are the results of Gilbert’s arrogance and ignorance of his persuasion, his benign heart is touched by the little one’s sadness and frustration, so he attempts to comfort Gilbert: ‘To err is human. If you learn from experience, you’ll be forgiven.’ Nevertheless, Giovanni’s austere tone makes Gilbert feel more miserable, ‘Forgiven? Will I be forgiven by Frater? Perhaps I can’t never become his knight!’ ‘Gio, you frightened little Gil!’ Chris criticises his big rival, and continues to console Gilbert by an even more tender voice, ‘come on, Gil, I’ll show you something. I’m sure you’ll learn Christmas by heart. Don’t worry.’ He winks, stands up, and leads Gilbert to the courtyard of the cathedral. Giovanni does not trust Chris, so he follows them into the cool midnight air. Standing under the purple starry sky, Chris brings out from his pocket a plain stone cup. ‘I’m going to use this to bring us to the night when our Lord Jesus Christ was born. You can come with us if you want, Gio.’ ‘Wait, is this...the Holy Grail?’ Giovanni is astonished. ‘Exactly.’ Chris replies matter-of-factly. ‘I didn’t know you possess it.’ Giovanni says darkly, and quickly makes the sign of the cross. In secret, he feels his stomach aching--how come his rival obtains the most sacred relic in the christian world? ‘You don’t have to know everything,’ smiles Chris. It happens very fast. After a flash of blinding light, the three knights are altogether brought to another time and place. The time is still night, but the environment is changed into a dry, rocky wild land. ‘Look! There’s the bright shining star!’ Chris points to the enormous brilliant star hanging in the eastern sky. ‘What does this mean?’ Gilbert is bewildered by this strange environment. ‘Gilbert, how many times have I told you to read the Bible more carefully?’ Giovanni’s austere look makes Gilbert wince. ‘Relax, Gio. It’s the Holy Night, let’s behold the miracle!’ Chris leads the group to walk in the direction of the bright star. After a while, they see a manger at the top of a hill. ‘Is it...?’ Gilbert is shushed abruptly by Giovanni. The three of them carefully approach the manger on tiptoe. The manger basks in the bright shining star right above, so they can see the scene clearly: Mary has just now given birth to baby Jesus, who is sleeping comfortably in his mother’s arms, and Joseph stands by them, watching the baby with great interest and affection. Noticing people approaching, Mary is alert, but as soon as she sees these people are three good-looking young boys in some kind of cassocks, she smiles and gestures them to come closer. ‘Our Lord Jesus, we’ve come to worship you.’ Both Giovanni and Chris kneel down before the little baby who opens his beautiful eyes to look upon them curiously. After realising who the baby is, Gilbert imitates his brothers to fall on kneels, not without clumsiness. Seeing this, Mary smiles affectionately to the timid little knight, and says, ‘thank you for visiting us in such a bleak winter night. Don’t be anxious, little knight, baby Jesus is very happy to see you.’ Gilbert looks up to see Mary’s smiling face, and sees a mother in her, a mother he has never had, or met, in his life. Suddenly, the albino bursts into tears, ‘oh Mother, Mother!’ Mary pats Gilbert’s silver head, speaks to him in a voice so gentle as if singing a lullaby, ‘little child, you have such beautiful hair. Don’t cry, you’ll be loved.’ It is Gilbert’s first time to be praised by someone for his hair--being an albino, he has been jeered and teased all his life. It is not necessary to describe how happy Gilbert is in seeing the Holy Virgin, and he lays his head upon her knees. Meanwhile, Giovanni finds Chris’ pale face full of tears too. Before the little Lord, the beautiful knight clasps his hands tightly while on his knees--he looks so pious, so humble that he makes this moment divine. Unconsciously, Giovanni wears a smile on his face-- O Silent Night! O Holy Night!

On the next morning, Gilbert is woken up by a familiar voice: ‘Gil, wake up! Are you alright?’ When he opens his eyes, he sees Lovino shaking his shoulder anxiously. Thus he sits up abruptly, ‘Frater! Why are you here?’ ‘Dear Gil! I was worried about you so I came to the morning mass early to see if you’re alright, but I didn’t know you slept in the courtyard over night!’ Lovino exclaims, ‘it is not good! You’ll catch cold!’ His puffing face is on the brink of tears. It is Gilbert’s turn to feel worried too, for his heart will break if he sees Lovino cry. ‘Dear Frater, I’m totally fine, so please don’t cry!’ he holds Lovino’s little hand, faking a smile to comfort him, ‘I spent a whole night with Brother Gio and Brother Chris to worship little Lord Jesus in Bethlehem, you have to know how happy I am! Please don’t worry about me!’ ‘Really?’ Lovino’s watery emerald eyes look into Gilbert’s rubies, and he sees truthfulness in them, ‘good, then. But where are Gio and Chris?’ Both of them look around. Beside the wall of the cathedral, they see Giovanni and Chris lying down there, holding each other’s body closely as if to keep warm and sleep more comfortably. Hearing noises, the two sleepy knights are awakened--it is not difficult to imagine the surprised look on their faces. However, instead of letting out a shriek or kicking each other away, in peace, they exchange morning greetings: ‘Morning, Gio.’ Chris smiles like an angel waking up from his sweetest dream. ‘Good morning, Christien.’ Giovanni blushes. He will never admit that it is Chris’ crystal purple eyes that make his heart beat fast, and he feels a little reluctant to let Chris’ warm body leave his arms when both of them get back to their feet. ‘Christien, wait!’ ‘What?’ Chris quickly turns back to face Giovanni, his huge eyes sparkling. ‘I want to apologise for the wound in your palm. I should have stopped my people hurting you.’ Giovanni smites his handsome brow. ‘It’s not your fault,’ Chris smiles mildly, ‘and I want to thank you for healing me.’ ‘You know the medicine was sent by me?’ ‘Of course, do you forget how long we’ve known each other? And as I’m your archrival, who do you think could know you better than me?’ Smiling mysteriously, Chris briskly wheels around. Without knowing why, Giovanni suddenly feels a special attachment to his rival and comrade, so he instinctively follows Chris’ white robe, which is billowing in the wind like an angel’s enormous wings. Later on, in the Christmas morning mass, people are surprised to see the two long-term rivals stand side by side in the procession, and even exchange friendly looks at intervals during the liturgy. ‘It happens once a year that the two great military orders make a truce. After all, it’s Christmas, it’s time for peace, for forgiveness, and for love.’ Among the audience, some Venetians whisper quietly, and then they shake hands with their Genoese neighbours. As for Gilbert, this time, he has done much better especially in the narration of the nativity. When the mass is done and the cathedral becomes empty, he cautiously kneels down before Lovino, ‘dear Frater, I want to be your knight, but I’m not yet perfect--could you wait until I’m fit?’ ‘I don’t need you to be perfect. Whenever you feel yourself is ready, I’ll be ready to take you as my knight.’ Lovino blushes. ‘I promise it won’t be too long, Frater.’ Gilbert tenderly kisses Lovino’s hand.

(End)

#hetalia #APH #prussia x south italy #prussia x romano #APH Prussia #aph south italy #aph teutonic knights #aph knights templar #aph knights hospitaller #prumano

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midnight-circus · 5 years

Text

another bullshit meme

from sidebloggable

answered for logan and lucius bc i dont talk about my big dumb idiot enough

and im actually gonna answer for their original Fable timeline bc ive been feelin nostalgic recently

Their physical weak spots

Logan - depends on his age and/or stress-levels. He has a fair amount of upper body strength from swinging twin swords around all the fucking time, but it wouldn’t be ridiculously hard to overpower him if you could disarm and get hold of him - however, he’s fast, agile and extremely skilled, and it’s getting hold of him in the first place that’s the issue. In the middle of his reign, on the other hand, his body condition takes a dramatic dive - he’s pretty severely underweight and loses a lot of his muscle tone, and it really wouldn’t take much at all to best him.

Lucius - Lucius is a big, heavy mercenary who fights with a broadsword, so it’s hard to get the best of him in a one-to-one melee fight. However, he’s missing his left eye and is deaf in his left ear - subsequently if you use a little bit of stealth and come at him hard and fast from the left, you’ve got a pretty good chance of getting the jump on him. He’s also into middle-age and despite having decent reactions, a younger man of the same build as him might just pip him to the post.

Their emotional/moral weak spots

Logan - oh god lmao. Logan’s a mess, but his primary emotional weak spot is his siblings - be they his original two (hey queenie and dorian) or Morgan. I think he feels a bond that’s closer to paternal than fraternal, and I think the only way he can really justify to himself the pain he puts them through is telling himself he’s doing it for them. ok honestly, he will do fucking anything for them. at the climax of the revolution, the primary thought running through his head is how fucking proud he is. be nice if he said it out loud every once a while - hell, itd be nice if he’d just asked for some fuckin help before causing the literal death of hundreds of people - but yknow. thats just going one step too far i guess

Lucius - he’s a bleeding heart. when Morgan and his little band of rebels rock up in the Dweller village, Lucius is already there running supplies up and down the mountain to them; he watches way too many kids starve to death, and joins up with the rebels in order to lead them through Mourningwood. then he gets a crush on morgan’s little bitch face and just like. never leaves lmao. He’s easily blinded by injustice and gets worked up really quickly when he sees wrong being done - it can lead him to act recklessly or thoughtlessly at times.

Scars or painful spots

Logan - asides from the obvious scars across his lips (fencing wounds when he was a boy), he took some nasty damage from the Crawler during the three days he was trapped in the Auroran cave - he’s got a network of scars on his back that look a little like lashmarks. they hurt when they’re touched and he Does Not talk about them. he’s also got a few other scars here and there on his arms and chest from miscellaneous scraps and scuffles, and he has a deep puncture scar on his abdomen from an assassination attempt, but the less said about those the better.

Lucius - lmao Lucius is literally missing half his face to scar-tissue. he was attacked by a dog as a boy and it left him heavily messed-up. he’s also a merc, as i said, so he’s got a lot of miscellaneous old wounds but nothing quite as obvious as the ones his face.

Best places to kiss on their body

Logan - oh, the neck, bitch. he’s also kind of a slut for being kissed on the insides of his wrists; anywhere vulnerable, basically. if you could kill him there, kiss him there. freak-ass bitch.

Lucius - dude just likes a nice traditional french kiss man nothing crazy. but also definitely give him a blowjob. i know this question said kissing but lets be real thats kind of a kiss.

Guilty pleasures

Logan - he reads really terrible novels. like…really terrible. he pretends he’s reading something highbrow and intellectual but its actually a shitty romance recovered with something suitably acceptable and nobody can know

Lucius - he doesnt have any ‘guilty’ pleasures tbh, he just enjoys stuff unashamedly. he’s too thick to feel guilty

Their vices (physical or emotional)

Logan - lets be real, he’s probably done, like. an impressive amount of coke. i guess the terrible sleeping and eating habits are probably also a vice but like. it’s mainly the coke

Lucius - he smokes like a fuckin chimney

Their tickle spots

Logan - not only does he not have any, but you would also die for trying. Elrick disagrees.

Lucius - his ribs, but he is uncontrollably violent when he’s tickled so its a real good way to get a broken nose. he doesn’t mean to do it, he just spasms.

Bad memories/experiences

Logan - lmao. I’ll skip the most obvious (the 3-Day Auroran Extravaganza) because i think that goes without saying - it left him with crippling PTSD and damaged his mind heavily and insidiously. he was already pretty traumatised by his childhood and i think being forced into so many responsibilities so young also messed him up a little. it’s more like….rather one one or two specific experiences, its more just a general feeling of Bad that has stuck with him throughout his life. It was worsened by his later experiences, and essentially primed him for failure.

Lucius - yknow i was thinking about how to word the answer to this question and i realised that i accidentally made Lucius into Batman. His family farm was attacked and burnt to the ground by bandits when he was about 12; his parents and siblings were killed, and he only escaped by hiding in the coal-cellar. Later, he joined up with the mercenaries to try and track down the group that targeted them. fuck hes batman. i didnt mean to batman

Humiliating memories

Logan - oh man his father was a pro at humiliation. mistakes or oversights werent just punished, they were fuckin learned from, and he figured the best way to do this was humiliation - generally through public displays of What You Did Wrong and repeated recitations of the mistake in front of the people whose opinions Logan valued. It was kind of the catalyst for his inferiority complex and intense desire to succeed without input from others.

Lucius - again, Lucius doesn’t really experience embarrassment - he’s kind of too laid-back for it. yes, it was embarrassing the one time he fell over carrying two milk buckets and threw them all over himself in front of the handsome boy from the next farm over and the guy started laughing at him but like. you live and learn and the dude turned out to have a really ugly laugh anyway so who cares

Fears/phobias

Logan - he’s always had claustrophobia, but after the Auroran Experience this intensifies to a whole new level, and he also develops crippling nyctophobia. part of this is due to his hallucinatory psychosis - he sees things pretty much constantly, but it worsens in low lighting - but it’s also due to the fact that there may very well be actual Things in the dark and he struggles to tell reality from hallucination

Lucius - dogs. fuckin dogs. he hates dogs theyre literally so scary even the small ones bc the small ones move so quick and you never know when theyre gonna come at you

Bad or petty habits

Logan - oh, he’s just a petty bitch. he’s also outwardly arrogant, even if his internal feelings don’t match up to that. drily sarcastic, too, tho a person only really sees that when they get past the walls he throws up - Elrick is very familiar with it.

Lucius - he’s constantly standing to the right-hand side of people and then he wonders why he cant hear them properly

Grudges and vendettas

Logan - he’d hold a grudge against his father if he wasnt dead. he also holds a pretty heavy grudge against Theresa for not just fucking telling him.

Lucius - at first, only against the bandits that killed his family, but once he deals with them hes kind of at a loss as to where to go next. fortunately Logan starts starving people shortly afterwards, so if nothing else it gives him a kickstart into the rest of his life. Subsequently, Lucius will hold a vendetta against Logan for the rest of his life, even after he has been in a relationship with Morgan for years - he will never forgive him for the shit he put the common people through, and he doesnt really give a shit about the ~pressures~ Logan was under at the time. fuckin excuses, man.

Ingrained habits/forces of habit

Logan - his terrible sleeping/eating patterns. even before trauma and night-terrors made it almost impossible for him to sleep peacefully, he didn’t get more than 5 or 6 hours a night, if that.

Lucius - if something is smaller than him, he’ll protect it. he’ll also protect things bigger than him, if given half the chance. hes basically a golden retriever in human form, which is ironic considering his feelings about dogs.

What it takes to make them cry

Logan - would rather die than cry, quite literally.

Lucius - his heart is softer than butter, he’ll cry at anything. he’ll cry at an injured pigeon on the street.

Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’

Logan - never, ever, ever talks about what happened in Aurora. The details die with him.

Lucius - he doesn’t really have any - he’s not ashamed of much in his life, and he’s never done anything terrible enough to render it a skeleton.

People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them

Logan - L M A O. yes, it affected him terribly, but tbqh however much its affected him kind of plays second fiddle to how much his actions affected other people.

Lucius - has killed a lot of people who deserved it during his mercenary years, and justifies it to himself by being absolutely certain that they did deserve it. sometimes he doubts this, though, and that doubt plays a big part in his eventually getting out of the game entirely

People who’ve influenced them greatly

Logan - Walter, tho he’ll never admit it in a million years and he still definitely kneecapped him right at the start of the game so idk what that says about him

Lucius - Morgan. it’s real gay, i know, but there it is.

#logan1 #lucius1

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witchysleepingbeauty · 3 years

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Hi princess! So imagine this lady who's always ALWAYS being negative abt her kids, never a kind word and only belittling, every other day, like "what did I do wrong really? What kind of kids have I raised? They're bla bla bla" with venom. And worst who doesnt acknowledge how negative + painful she is

When i try to talk to her nd ask her exactly whats the issue with 'me' or how can I help her to ease her burden as she keeps complaining how we're ungrateful or keeps comparing to other 'more acceptable in her eyes" children, she gets defensive nd won't answer properly. She says "ohhh, why don't U know that? arent u old enough to know?' and then starts ranting. when time after time ive begged her to clearly tell me, no passiv agressiveness please! it doesn't work nd i end up wondering why i even bother when im only the villain... Yes this ig is my role in her story that ive writen? confusing 😅

when I can, sometimes i try to help her even tho shes the sort who likes to stay busy so she'll find smth else to do lol, nd inside hope for her to be at least a little NOT negative today.... she either ignores or gets angrier nd goes all "hey, I didn't ask U to do that! How dare u act like u did me a favor! U think ur perfect while im just ur servant right?" when i never even intend that? i effing HATE negative reinforcement nd i feel so damn bad for her, nd shes taught me how negative reinforcement is the worst thing to use, cuz it never teaches anything only builds resentment!!

this is smth i realised that she cant be pleased, she wants to get attention what I mean is, whenever we spend time together, she is perfectly fine when we're talking abt her hobbies nd interests which tbh im NOT that interested in personally but since she likes them i like to discuss them with her nd help her out with projects. not to say "ohhh im so cool i help out with her projects look at me so kind of me! lol" its just it hurts when ur own mother doesn't even rpetend to care abt ur interests. i suspect deep down i carried this feeling of unworthiness ie if even my own mother doesn't care abt my hobbies/projects, no one will . which is why i feel so uncomfortable sharing anything personal to my rl friends cuz im so afraid theyll reject me too :(

By not caring i dont mean I expect her to listen nonstop to me. she has her own life but i mean she purposely zones out, rolls her eyes which HURT SM when i was a child, or even worst she says "im not interested" nd shuts the convo. again, at this point, idec anymore as ive learned slowly to value nd cherish my own value nd hobbies etc which is an important lesson anyway

the only thing i want is to stop her being so painfully negative LOUDLY. Yk I suspect becuz of her dwelling on whats wrong in her life, shes gotten severe numbness nd swelling in one arm? and even the doctors cant detect whats wrong! nd its hella painful nd she can't even lift it up sometimes!!!! THIS GOES ON TO SHOW HOW INNER CONSTANT NEGATIVITY CAN BE REFLECTED IN THE OUTER AKA OUR BODY!! To anyone else who cant help have negative thoughts ONLY, u gotta try to change them! Please! Bcuz my mother's pain in her arm is sometimes crazily too much! Nd this in turn, esp on days where all i hear is her gripe, its worse at night!

Anyway I was compeled to write this as a while ago i went to the kitchen for water nd from her room i heard her loudly complain nd mutter abt how her kids are "socially unacceptable" nd "dear god i pray please please don't let me rely on them in old age, i made a mistake raising them!" She's the sort whos got so many limiting beliefs that initially led to my deep unhappiness w/o knowng it was these beliefs at play eg if you dont become a certain career, youll have no security, or recently she keeps nd keeps lamenting abt not havjng 'enoufh money' (we r having kinda financial crisis due to some rlly terrible decisions by my other parent) or 'oh Im STUCK with this [bad word] family!" when she saw a movie abt someone who went on a trip nd began comparing her own life to it. She's so talented we all ask her to start an online business but she backs away nd says 'how will i ever get capital? im doomed to never have what i want' nd I myself have a bit empty wallet temporarily so i cant help her. Nyway, while im trying to fix my own beliefs, seeing her rage nd let negativity completly take over her is alarming nd worrying to me. it makes me feel negative emotions too. im not entirely confident in mastering my mind ywt. i was that overly sensitive kid at school nd i absorv her energy a lot. Those who u love the most, hurt u the most. nd i agree bcoz while im hurt by her (not that shes intentionally hurting me. THRU her im hurt), i do love her. Nd now thanks to the law ik by changing my beliefs abt things, i can change the world

My reason is i cant change her bcuz she gets hella maddened if i suggest a less negative thought. Nd she instead starts blaming me for my 'decisions in Life' which SHE would NEVERRR make oh no... -_- Nd im not saying i try to be obnoxious abt it hell no! im talking abt getting frustrated at the table talking abt smth abt a random topic, then suddenly listening to her start complaining abt e g. Some kid whos "richer" than i am heatedly! nd if i steer the convo away, nope, she keeps fuming a bit

so since i can only change myself, how the hell do i change my assumptions of her? i affirm having a great mother, happy nd open with her thriving business etc. i affirm this but i cant focus cuz doing so inevitbly makes me sad lol cuz i rmmbr how happy nd liveky she used to be before some unfortunate things in our family that started yrs ago. Which affected us all. Any advice, please? im on a mental diet hwoever the earlier incident of her complaining abt us again caused smth in me to snap. im distancing myself from her but the short times im with her there's only a strong air of disapproval, pain nd misery around her. Tbh i was like that pre-law, not knowing how destructiv my thoughts were, while she was the happy optimistic grateful one. Nd now? Im only slightly more self aware than before ie im NOT saying im able to rise in consiousness SOo much that im 'untouchable' nd buddha-like! Nor is my mom wrong bcuz she's me pushed out! its only her lvl of conciousness nd thats it. its just I don't want to cause or feel more pain or hav any excuse to curse her ,when ego sometimes takes over, anymore. im having some personal issues to take care of too, which is why this is affecting me too much. Sort of like having a weak immune system already?

I want my happy intelligent mom back. ik i got to change me... but the doing is way harder than the saying

🫀anon

Okay first of all imma say it cause I don’t think nobody else will…. Your mom is shitty…. There, I said it. She is abusive and selfish and a bad mom. No parent should ever treat their children that way and make them think they need to fix them.

Other than that yes it’s true she is your manifestation but I think it’s important to let emotions out. Be mad at her for once, stop rationalizing her bad behavior. You have the right to feel mad, angry, sad. YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID.

I know it seems impossible to keep a mental diet when you see the negative behavior you wish to change every day. I assume you live in the same house. My suggestion is to stick to your mental diet and try to interact as little with her as possible. Go out more often or stay a bit more in your room. Every time you see a behavior from her that you don’t like, and you feel like affirming doesn’t help, close your eyes and see her hugging you and telling you all sorts of beautiful, loving things you’d like to hear from her.

You should also work on your self concept. Parental issues often manifest from poor self concept. Affirmations like “I am worthy, I am loved, I am enough, I am respected, I am cherished” work amazing.

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siirkaian · 3 years

Text

Ive been debating how to get the gods into the story for ages, because like........ Its no secret although it would be if this was an actual comic. that Barren and Kindle are Stardust’s grandkids and...... Theyre both figuring out their independent skills, barren’s learning to mindwalk and kindle to fight (but like. not like martial arts fight like Survive fight) and............. it COMPLETELY takes away the stakes to have three of the most fucking powerful beings in the universe be incredibly invested in these two kids bc like.

Ok. so Stardust travels with them, but has reasons not to fight, because hes seen a lot of shit and is traumatised from fighting, but Moonshine and Midnight??? Midnight is more “watch all simultaneously be one with the world”, but Moonshine could come down whenever the fuck he wants because if Stardust can, so can Moonshine??

BUT..................... I think ive fucking got it?? POSSESSION. but like FULL possession, where Barren’s body is morphed into a new form. The gods cant enter this world without a Demos body. So like. A) This scales the power of the gods with barren and kindle, because Barren can only get so much of them for so long dependent on their skill level at the time b) balances kindle and barrens powers because kindle learns to weave fire bc he awakens his ancestry where barren doesnt, so now both of them can fight to a point, and c) allows them to step in when its a life or death situation which is what i wanted WITHOUT the question of “well why dont they just always step in”, or “well why did it become life or death if they could step in whenever”

And like. Ugh, that means i get to work with possession. I mean its a little less known that barren has a lot of me in them, specifically the very terrified and new to spiritual things and submissive part of me, and yeah.

Ive just been thinking about how like............. Reality bending this could be, where i realised it was thinking of when Moonshine would step in to save barren... it takes a LOT to get MS pissed off at all let alone to the point of action, but hes the god of the mind, and since Siirkaia is a creation of siirka’s body and mind........ Well basically, a) MS doesnt obey euclidian rules, b) reality bends around him when he lets it, so if hes pissed...... reality is going to devolve around him into blinding colours, faces dancing in the walls, his people the Higher Demos leaking in through reality trying to reach his energy. and also. Hes no fucking stranger to the terrifying bc as i said, god of the mind, hes every twisted face and strange noise and hallucination and all that shit, so he’d absolutely turn barrens body inside out and morph it in strange ways to take over it and reshape it into his own - uh. and hes like siirka and uren in that. he shapeshifts and in general just shifts

so its like. Its a lot of fucked up shit that is absolutely devastating for the matrix of reality itself let alone those trying to kill barren, and........... Oh man, like. It actually makes Moonshine’s enraged appearance actually scary because like...... hes tearing reality apart......... AND THATS BARREN AT THE CENTRE OF IT..... LIKE HES JUST REMOULDED BARREN INTO HIS SHAPESHIFTING, WEIRDLY REALISTIC, REALITY-BENDING FORM......... THATS Barrens fucking body in the grasp of this god who is literally so beyond the Demos hes breaking all the rules weve had so far of fights and mercy (not the god), like. theres actually fucking stakes there bc boy......... how could barren be ready for this, but if theyre not, then like. everythings fucked

ah. you mayve noticed. stardust. So the gods cant enter reality without a body, but stardust is one of the three main protagonists? YEAH SEE. Stardust is almost like a reincarnation of his old self anyway........ And fucking. his daughter - technically asexually created - Inferno entered reality before he did. So like.......... it already fits. Stardust has already tried to incarnate his energy into a body in the Demos’ world and succeeded??? And hes already basically reincarnated?? Because the god of death Mercy did something to him, I guess sort of killed him? But Mercy, unline his father who is the ACTUAL god of Death, is more a gateway?? ZervaiKa- his dad is death, the void, nothingness, ends, but RahjKa- is more like the reaper-esque death (though he doesnt go around killing people) in that hes Before death. So......... Arguably...... as a gateway............... RahjKa-... involved in the separation of souls and bodies? Is able to i dont know, condense some of Stardust’s energy into a dense Demos-realm-suitable form and incarnate his soul into it?????????

Its interesting bc honestly, I was playing around with the idea of Inferno possessing SD before, never went anywhere with it, but like. OH. YEAH. bc she was supposed to come out to protect the kids, fucking enraged and beyond discussion, tearing SD from his body and taking it over, moulding it into her...... Man, so if the concept is introduced with Barren doing it, to suddenly have stardust be possessed by the ex-queen of fuckin fire (shes known bc shes the only one w power over fire in the world, and she “burned down her whole huge city in a fit of rage”, and shes NOT known as barrens mother, only kindles, bc barren was stolen like a few months after birth) and kindles mother........... fascinating. bc like. kindles relationship w inferno is something i really want to explore, he was taken at idk like age 7 or whatever and remembers the night she burned down the city and is so conflicted between “thats my mother and only family i ever had” and “she literally (seemingly) turned against like several tens of thousands of people and killed them all in fire in a night” and idk. before barrens revealed as the younger sibling........ itd be really interesting. maube. to have inferno take over stardust........... which is now a possibility since i AM bringing possession into it

#i just. idk. theres something i wanna express in like #awful possession. not ooo scary demons possession but like losing control of your body. bleeding. like turning into a werewolf ugly #transformation but not with any pain. completely in a trance. like literally giving your body up to whatever comes through #idk. surrender. becoming something else #it was something i envied in my ex's spiritual practice watching him just be completely taken over by other energies who were just #alien and powerful and then in that moment One with him #i miss it. ugh anyway #lore #highest demos #higher demos

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bigbrothernetflix-st · 4 years

Text

EPISODE TEN

“One hour to go until I find out if people are actually keeping me, or if they're all just being assholes and wanting to blindside me.” - jev

HOH: Brianna NOMINEES: Jev & Kiki POV: Nathan FINAL NOMINEES: Jev & Kiki EVICTED: Kiki (4-0)

JEV

I feel this could be the end for me this week, considering I named Brianna as renom last week and she has nominated me previously it's not looking good for me. However, last week after naming her renom, I did send her screenshots from Nathan of him throwing her and Aria under the bus to me just incase she stayed, so I purposefully threw him under the bus for this exact reason and I'm just hoping the move will pay off and there's even a slight chance she'll nominate him and keep me off the block. I'm also hoping she'll recognise that I didn't consider her as one of my initial noms and only named her as replacement because I was put into a shitty predicament last week by Nathan and his veto win, but who knows. I'm extremely proud of the game I've played but it'd suck to leave at F7 after getting this far.

BRIANNA

https://youtu.be/z8bOEMq9gh8

ARIA

So....its been a bit huh,...sorry about that yall pls just take this anaylsis of everyone left k thanks <3

NATHAN

Looking at the whole of his game this man has been targeted since prejury yet his social connections and physical prowess has kept him safe this long- typically this would lend itself to a very strong underdog story but at the same time his attitude this game has been very rocky as he's threatened to quit or just give up multiple times before which may decrease the amount of respect the jury has for him. At this moment in time he can be categorized as a big player due to his numerous fights which could gain jury respect because it does show that he wants to play but im unsure if its enough. In terms of social connections he presents himself as having limited connections with others as he doesnt talk with kiki or jev but has a mutual understanding between him and joshua as they are both big threats/targets leading them to want to keep each other safe. This does bring up complications when trying to eliminate joshua from this game but thats for another analysis. He's constantly threatened the status quo of the house and if it wasn't for his attitude (and maybe the lack of connections to people like kiki and jev) he could be a shoe-in to win. It should also be considered that he has constant correspondence with emma and somewhat of a connections with bri. It should also be highlighted that hes very good at mending bridges considering hes working with someone he previously attempted to nominate (brianna) and had a fight with (joshua) Honestly he's playing a great game and the bitterness visible from kiki/jev does not reflect the jury- its more likely that he can beat me at the end.

Leaving: f3/4/

Threat: Big/Physical

Winning Chance: 4/5

KIKI

So most players still left in the game perceive kiki to just be coasting along and honestly their win chances are minimal. I think their social game has been slacking as well as they're typically very hesitant to be honest with their game thoughts so they've failed to secure the connections that they need to get them to the end of this game. Their view on the game is also very confusing as they pretended to not know sides to me and no matter what the truth was it was a very bad look on their part. Also on a more personal note they showed that they're willing to snap as seen yesterday in bri's dms and in the live competition channel. In terms of this vote I have hardly any connection to them and if they won hoh next week i know that i would not be safe unlike jev who i've formed a more honest relationship with. I am slightly worried that im taking out someone with no win chance but my first priority will always be house dynamics and to appease the bb gods, they need to leave.

Leaving: f7

Threat: None, likeability

Winning chance: 1/5

JOSHUA

Literally just hand the kid the winning title and pots at this point his control over the game is incredible. He has deals and connections with EVERY single person in this game and I truly feel like he can make the end if we dont take him out here but I can't control nathan at this point. I think he's formed connections to me and nathan through all of us being "big threats" while he has connections to Jev/Emma/Kiki as they were all on the original side and he's somehow escaped the block on someones hoh who he previously put up...this guy is unstoppable wtf. However the entire game IS aware of his skill and its very likely that he gets taken out soon because of this unless he goes on a comp run. I also find it very likely that the jury is rooting for him as he remained respectful with every evictee and had justifications for every eviction beyond just house dynamics and his game has been straighforward with his noms and bold with his connections. Im unsure of how exactly to get rid of him but I believe he thinks we're close (f2 tingz) and I find it unlikely he takes me out although i think hes notices that ive been a bit more closed off this week which is worrying for future endeavors.

Leaving: f6/f5

Threat: Big/Phyiscal/Social

Winning Chance: 5/5!!!!

JEV

Out of everyone left I find it very difficult to think of how Jev is playing, I think he's either playing the most straight forward game I've ever seen or his game has a lot of hidden depths. I mean how I view his game as another player is that he came into this game very unconnected but managed to wiggle his way into stable sides and form good connections where they've kept him safe when possible. Once he gained a side he stuck to it and just played an overall loyal game minus the yelling at nathan when he lied to him. I dont think the jury is very bitter at him but I also don't believe that they're super high on him in comparison to people like joshua. In terms of our own connection I think I might be higher on his trust list due to me being very proactive about using veto on him and voting to keep him- i dont think ill be in danger if he wins hoh but nathan sure will :nicolequeen: There is a chance he can beat me at the end just due to not fucking over all of the jury but the chance we make f2 is very small, he represents the utr social player that joshua might be scared of winning

Leaving: f6/f5

Threat: Balance/Middle

Winning Chance: 4/5

EMMA

Emma's game is very interesting because its similar to kiki in the fact that she's been coasting or just sticking to her side but she's aware of her flawed gameplay and wants to do better and make moves. However the end is closing end and I doubt she has the time to really make a move although she has been very smart about how she presents herself to others this entire game showing high sense of strategy. I think we're fairly close in a personal and game sense (unless shes just buttering me up for the slaughter as her own big move) so I would love to take her very far in this game. Im unsure of how the jury view her at this point in time but i cant imagine it being very high at this time unless shes manipulating things behind the scenes. At the end shes probably one of the only people I can beat because the jury might want a "big" player to win so she's def an ideal f2 choice at THIS time.

Leaving: f3/f2

Threat: Strategic

Winning Chance: 2/5

BRIANNA

First off I love her so much personally she's seriously the kindest person I've met and i absolutely adore her but also her game has been fairly impressive so far. Her actions have been the catalyst for sides to form and big moves being made- however i can say that I had a hand in a series of these moves but received no blowback (or recognition) for them yet and I'm unsure how the jury will view us as a duo or who can lay claim to the moves made. I think some of the jury may be bitter such as Josh c and Nick but at the same time she'll have fans such as joey and jacob so its a very mixed bad and I think we'll be trying for the same votes which is worrying. She's also fairly good at comps and socializing putting her on a similar stage as nathan and joshua although for some reason she never gets the credit :/ Im unsure whether I want her at the end or not but there is a possibility ill cut her...

Leaving: ???

Threat: Social/Comp

Winning: ???

And i think i dont stand a chance tbh, my jury management has been ass but im gonna do my best <3 also sorry if this was mean fsabhfds

JEV

So Brianna has let me know that she is more than likely going to put me up as one of her initial nominees, meaning I've had to plead my case to her and severely downplay my game thus far in the hopes that she'll hear me out and by some miracle will spare me from the block this week, I'll insert the plea I sent to her at the end of this DR. I just hope she realises that there are bigger fish to fry cough Nathan cough and maybe even Joshua, although I respect him as an ally too much to even consider throwing his name out to Brianna like that. Worst comes to worst I'll just have to gun super hard for veto and take myself down, then work out the play from there if one of the other hot girls are put up in my place, but I hope Brianna isn't dumb and recognises that there isn't a drop of loyalty inside of Nathan and that she'd be stupid to keep him around another week.

JEV

So I asked Joshua if he'd save me if he won the veto, and he straight up said he'd use it on Kiki because he'd "feel bad" since he used it on me the last time me and Kiki were on the block together. It's made me feel kinda shitty because it's kinda solidifying to me that he considers me at least 3rd in our alliance, and that he and Kiki are quite likely a duo together. I have to try my hardest for this veto because I for sure leave over Kiki or the renom.

JEV

So... there is a chance, albeit a slim chance, that Nathan may use the power of veto on me. I've tried to butter him up by playing up to his kind of wildcard playstyle by saying that nobody would see it coming and it'd be the gag to end all gags, but who knows what he might do. He said he's considering it and will keep me in the loop just so I know what to expect. If I stay on the block, I know I hopefully have Aria & Emma's votes to keep me on lock, which means I'd only have to convince Joshua or Nathan to keep me, OR sway Brianna to keep me in the event of a tie, which I think is the most unlikely of the 3. Prior to tonights veto, I would've thought I'd have Joshua's vote to stay, but now I think its clear that Kiki/Joshua are a duo and Me/Emma are a duo, so I don't think I'd be able to sway him to save me unfortunately. However the rest of this week plays out, I have a lot of ass kissing to do which I hate but hopefully I can work a miracle

JEV

So... considering Nathan has promised safety to me this week I didn't quite expect him to go off on me like that in his veto speech but... I'm just gonna take the high road and not even acknowledge the video in house chat, as much as it sucks I just have to let Kiki run their mouth so hopefully people remain inclined to keep them around over me.

JEV

One hour to go until I find out if people are actually keeping me, or if they're all just being assholes and wanting to blindside me. As it stands, it should be 4-0 since all four of them have promised me their vote, but I'm lowkey suspicious about Nathan and Joshua, there's just something in the back of my mind telling me to be wary, I hope I'm just overthinking though

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29822U0WqVk&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=11&t=0s

#bbnetflix st

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kyanmaaaa · 7 years

Text

aight heres another dream journal

putting under a read more because this is the most vivid dream ive had in yeaars and i like to go in depth

okay so, my family and i are visiting this cool city type area with my grandparents, its a neat place thats hella popping with people, all the tech is a little outdated so its in need of a rehaul but its kinda cool, on the way to a store i have a stranger talk to me abt shoplifting and i watch someone else get chased down and tackled by a group of men in all black

the entire street of people changes path to avoid that, so we my family and i are at this department store now, its also pretty important to mention i can kind of see faces and hear the actual peoples voices in this dream, rare for one person maybe tops but i think even the strangers had faces in this dream, we dont stay in the department store long and leave to get checked in to the place we’re renting

place seems kinda nice! nice good size, little quieter area, but the whole place is overgrown with plants, and i dont mean like vines growing over the building i mean like theres a literal fucking tree sprouted out of end side and growing into the area above the street, now that i think about it there werent any powerlines. bricks of the buidling where just filled in with well developed flora and the like,

top floor of the building is where we stay but we check out the basement area to the place, i think a friend of my moms or maybe my aunt joins us here? the basement is.... not as in as good of shape as the upstairs

which isnt surprising because the only way into the basement was a set of stares and a ladder right next to the building, the stairs were covered in various plant grime like from when u go to a park thats not picked up as much as it should be. the ladder was just, sitting on the other side of the stairs completely loose , i distinctly remember it being a ladder but it was really more of a tube with no top, all sides of it were covered in extremely soft healthy grass, disturbingly bright in comparison to everything else. I took the stairs.

i can really only describe the basement as decrepid, walls have crumbled away to reveal supports that just look like dust and dirt, aunt/mom friend person tries to pull out a shelf and takes an entire section of a wall. she comments on how she couldnt tell that it was suppossed to be a part of the wall in the first place and honestly? i couldnt tell either. it just feels unnatural and dead in there and i decide to leave immediately. I take the ladder on the way back up and feel refreshed

since we’re all set in we head back into town to explore some more, on the way there we see a a couple dance and play groups and stuff like that performing in the streets, most of the members are middle school age with some adults, we stop at a large one featuring a dance troop performing some thing based on disneys pocahontas, with actual native americans playing the different parts but it still reaaaaaaaally doesnt feel right (i comment on this to my brother)

cut forward to the end of one scene and this dude dressed as a raccoon introduces himself as haaving the very important role of allowing people to kick him in the stomach (he has that cartoon bully voice like, that dude from phineas and ferb or campcamp) and then of course im like WHAT THE FUCK and step the fuck in cause i aint abt to watch this stocky ass little kid get his ass beat

This offends raccoon dude and this next part is really fuzzy, probably because too much happened in this part of the dream and ive been up for abt an hour now so memory of the dream is starting to fade, but during this part one of raccoon kids legs gets broken and i get dragged to the top of a giant fucking dam above where the performance is going to continue. Raccoon kid explains that he has obtained special permission to have people kick his neck instead. He demonstrates this with a drawing of a multicolored striped worm? Like, pointing at one stripe and saying kick me here, (this is played for laughs)

So the dam im on towers above every single building ive seen in the entire area, as even the department store was only 2 very short levels tall, and thats when it really clicks that something is absolutely not fucking right with this area, like, with how many people are here how do they fit in such small buildings?? Etc etc cause it just doesnt match

Before i get murdered or something i dunno, dylan steps in from either the troop or somewhere else? And we fucking book it

Dreams going to be out of order now but essentially what happens is us fucking booking it from a bunch of people, and heres just some bullet points before this turns into a fucking essay

Get back to where i stay thinking im safe

Mom stabs out camera in my phone on accident

Not safe there so me and dylan try to find a safe place in various hotels, every single one we check in this building has people fucking or about to fuck so we book right as those group of men in black break in to try and get us, they arent even in suits or anything theyre really obviously supposed to be undercover but theyre all in black so???? Stick out bad

We leave the city and its the next day by now, next segment of dream is us hiding in various patches of grass and bushes while cops on horses run around trying to find us, (several minutes of this is just them continually jumping directly above where we are, the timing feels like it’s supposed to be comedic)im very scared of getting stepped on, legs are starting to hurt from runninng and we’re getting hungry

Next area is also extremely grassy, less yellow toned as the area before, just feels safe here, i take a nap in a concrete thing, its like.. If u took a drawing of a football and raised the outlines of the shape up like walls, it titled down the hill slightly and ended in water, like a really weird version of the things that we have that let our creeks and stuff pass under roads

Theres two dudes playing football or something nearby, they seem nice and dont bother us except to make sure we’re okay (i dont like jocks so this surprises me)

Im not sure if this next part was real in the dream or not as my dream self was very disoriented at this point, i fed an enderman a marshmellow and almost drown, this is somehow an older womans fault?

So cops catch up again and we waid through a flooded area of something.. Not sure if im underground or in a city its just dark and cold and wet and feels like death, get out of there mercifully quick, need to rest but cant

I lose my shoes at some point during this and comment to dylan that i have to get shoes or im not going to last, legs hurt a lot at this point, running on adrenaline alone

So we go to target!

We get split up

I keep going to the sports section? Somehow manage to blend in the building at different points so i have a bit to rest my legs as four just, normal cashier type guys keep trying to catch me, i kno im going to collapse soon

I put on some shoes and im about to walk out in them calmly as ive realised i blend in at this point, im recognised either by the bright blue shirt im wearing or my face as one of the target workers is a coworker of mine

He comes across as kinda malicious, i dont remember his name atm but hes the guy who thinks its okay to say ret*rded because its uuuuuur fault for getting offended

I get tackled down and give up, legs were going to give out soon anyway, im not sure where dylan is as we got separated ages ago and adreniline kicks back in but im pinned by 4 people so its hopeless

And then i woke up, heart rate was really fast, i thinkk i slept almost exactly 8 hours

so things that stick out the most in this dream, inclusion of real people, the extreme detail and the consistant use of nature as something sinister, like false hope or something

#dream journal

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erizee · 3 years

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I am intrigued by your thoughts on some of the horror movies you've watched 👀 Especially Insidious.

i literally say this ask and said out loud "oh fuck yea" lmao

i havent actually seen That many horror movies but im so excited lol (i also didnt include any of the saw movies since im p sure my thoughts on those are p clear at this point)

Insidious

ive only seen the first one but its really good! so i really want to watch the other ones soon. it was also much more scary than i expected, normally supernatural horror (especially ghosts) doesnt do much for me since a) its hard to do it in a convincing way & b) i watched spn religiously for a p long time and at some point supernatural stuff is just so easy to get rid off its just not scary anymore. BUT somehow insidious still managed to be pretty scary! especially the scene with the weird puppet people in the ghost dimension (the way they were just. smiling & standing still. creepy.) but also just in general the realisation that the ghosts/demons are just Always there. i wont have nightmares about it or anything but Yea. i did watch a "funny movie" (final destination 3 lmao) after it so i wouldnt think about it too much lol. extremely cool & ill definitely watch the next ones soon. the ending (dad possessed by old woman) wasnt exactly a surprise but it worked Really well so im happy with it!

The invisible man (2020)

i watched this mostly because leigh whannell made it lol but it was SO GOOD!!!! idk if youve seen it but its basically gaslighting (thee worst form of it) as a horror trope (? as in thats the horror part). i dont want to spoil too much in case u havent seen it & want to (u should) but its simply fantastic. i also bolded the "not my thing" Because its so good & takes itself so seriously bc that means its artistic & u have to Notice things and its so hard for me to keep paying attention when that happens. but honestly thats 100% a me problem that will probably make me miss out on a bunch of good movies so definitely watch it!

Confessions

this movie!!!!! idk if you know it but its a japanese one about a school teacher and two of her students who accidentally kill her daughter. its been a long time since ive seen it but i used to watch it several times a week its just so good! all the characters are sooo fucked up but somehow u still feel so bad for them because its so well-written. i wont tell u the end but Fuck it sure is something (extremely good). (its been at least 8 years since ive seen it and it was one of the first horror (/thriller?) movies ive seen so i cant guarantee my memory is correct but i only have good memories about it so yea)

Resident evil

ive only seen the first one and its been a long time but i know i didnt like it that much. i think i said this before in the tags but it takes place in an underground lab and theyre experts for whats happening or sth and ill never be in a situation like that so its literally not scary in the slightest. idk i just dont care about it

ive seen more than just these 4 but theyre the ones i could think of (& the ones i could think of sth to say for) from the top of my head so yea! :D

#thanks for asking!!!!!#im not normally super into horror movies bc usually i just watch a bunch of movies from 1 genre for a few months & move on #but since im So into saw atm & theres so little canon content for it compared to the tv shows/podcasts ive been into #my saw interest/obsession/hyperfixation/special interest/whatever is expanding to include more horror stuff too lol #& im just so excited to be able to talk about this stuff most of my friends/family dont like horror so ya

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relationshipadviser-blog · 5 years

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Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

New Post has been published on https://relationshipqia.com/must-see/is-sex-the-answer-to-your-relationship-woes/

Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

Michele Weiner-Davis, the marriage-guidance counsellor, explains why she thinks having sex even if you dont feel like it is the foundation of a happy relationship

Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

Sex

Inner life

Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

Michele Weiner-Davis, the marriage-guidance counsellor, explains why she thinks having sex even if you dont feel like it is the foundation of a happy relationship

Amelia Hill

@byameliahill

Sun 21 Jan 2018 01.00EST Last modified on Sun 21 Jan 2018 09.52EST

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Just Do It. Your partner will be grateful, happier and therefore nicer, too, says Michele Weiner-Davis. Illustration: Andrea De Santis/Observer

How does it make you feel when your partner is cold and distant? Or when theyre critical and prickly? Does it make you want to rip their clothes off, order in a vat of whipped cream and install a chandelier to swing from?

No? Well theres your problem according, at least, to Michele Weiner-Davis, the marriage-guidance counsellor whose Ted talk explaining her unconventional advice to warring couples has been viewed almost 3.5 million times online.

Her advice couldnt be simpler: shag. Do it even if you dont want to, do it especially if you dont want to and, most important of all, do it frequently whether you want to or not. To make it even clearer, shes borrowed one of the most famous advertising slogans of recent times: Just Do It. Your partner will be grateful, happier and therefore nicer, too, she explains from her clinic in Colorado. Its a win-win situation for both of you!

Weiner-Daviss self-confessed zealotry for marriage has its roots in the moment her mother blew her teenage world apart by announcing that her seemingly perfect marriage had been a sham for its 23-year duration. She was 16 at the time, and says she wasnt the only one who didnt recover from the bombshell: her mother never remarried and her two sons rarely speak to her.

The experience, says Weiner-Davis who states that her greatest achievement is her own 40-year marriage was transformative. She became a staunch believer in the fact that most divorces can be prevented; that the relief of a post-divorce life is temporary but the pain of divorce is permanent; and that if couples put enough work into staying together, they can fall back in love and live happily ever after.

Over the years, Weiner-Davis has honed her message. Shes now stripped it back to what she believes is the essence of a successful marriage. Gone is any therapeutic consideration of a couples history; of their emotional travails; of cause and consequence. Now she is entirely one-track minded: no matter how appalling the state of a marriage, she believes that kind, generous and frequent sex can bring it back from the teetering edge of collapse.

Her realisation was hard-won. For decades, I was in the trenches with warring couples, she says. But there were times when I was not too effective. I realised that there was a pattern to the times Id failed. There was always one spouse desperately hoping for more touch and because that was not happening, they were not investing themselves in the relationship in other ways.

Weiner-Davis stopped focussing on the couples difficulties from an emotional angle and addressed them exclusively as sexual problems. that when the so-called low-desire partner who is, she is at pains to emphasise, just as likely to be a man or a woman was encouraged to have sex they didnt particularly want, not only did they end up enjoying themselves but the high-desire partner became a much nicer person to be around.

I heard the same story from my clients so often that I did some research, she said, and found several different sex researchers who confirmed what I was finding: that for millions of people, they have to be physically stimulated before they feel desire.

Armed with this new theory, Weiner-Davis began encouraging her low-desire clients to be receptive to the sexual advances of their high-desire spouse, even if they werent feeling up for it. I found that unless there was something a lot more complicated going on, she insists, there were usually substantial relationship benefits to making love with your high-desire partner.

She rejects any suggestion that shes advocating a sexually subservient, anti-feminist, lie back and think of England approach. In fact, she says this is the embodiment of female empowerment.

Its not just telling women to spread their legs, she insists. This is not just about sex. For a high-desire spouse, sex isnt usually about the orgasm: its about someone wanting to feel that their partner desires and wants them. Im hoping that women will feel empowered that they are getting their own needs met through understanding their partner.

No still means no, she says. But it helps to not just say no. Instead, explain why you dont want to make love, suggest a later date and ask whether theres something you can do for your spouse right now instead. But heres the deal, she adds: There had better be a whole more Yess or Laters than Nos because if the Nos win, it leads to the problems I have been talking about.

Weiner-Davis points out that while its commonly accepted that couples should make all their important family decisions together, when it comes to sex, who ever has the lower sex drive makes a unilateral choice for them both. And, just to rub salt in the wound, she adds, the disenfranchised, high-desire one is expected to stay monogamous. No wonder, she says, they get cross.

I mention Weiner-Daviss theory to some female friends of mine. The overriding response is: Oh God, not another thing for my To Do list! Weiner-Davis is quick to condemn this response. Imagine if, when a woman said she wanted to have more intimate conversations or a date night, her husband said: Its just one more thing on my To Do list! For a high-desire spouse who experiences love through touch instead of quality time, its exactly the same impact. Ive had grown men crying in my office, crying about the sense of rejection they feel from their low-desire wives.

I then regale her with the experience of a friend whose husband had started his own business which quickly went catastrophically wrong. The family finances were in peril and he couldnt cope. His wife stepped in. Alongside her own job and while juggling the childcare, she worked late into the night for weeks to stabilise their security. During this time, she was scrupulous in not blaming her husband, either explicitly or implicitly.

With crisis narrowly averted, the stressed and sleep-deprived wife realised her husband was being snippy and sulky. When she asked what was wrong, he exclaimed: We havent had sex for weeks! Surely, I ask Weiner-Davis, this shows that not all demands for sex should be met with her Just Do It ethos.

Not at all, she says. This woman knew his ego needed to be protected and tried to do that by not blaming him for his mistakes. But it sounds like the bigger statement for him was: Am I still a man and do you still desire me?

But its the selfish, uncontrolled behaviour of a spoilt child, I insist. Weiner-Davis doesnt disagree. Women often say that they feel they have three children instead of two children and a husband, she admits. But the fact that this husband was telling his wife what he was feeling sad about is a really good sign: some people throw in the towel.

Is the deal explicit, I ask, does the low-desire one say: OK, well make love more often, but then you have to turn your iPhone off every once in a while so we can actually talk?

Yes and no, Weiner-Davis says. This isnt about keeping score. Relationships are not 50:50. Theyre 100:100. We have to take responsibility for doing everything that it takes to put the relationship on track even if youre not getting the response you want initially. Thats really hard.

Its about asking yourself, she says, when he or she speaks and acts badly, whether its because you have not had sex for four weeks. Is their anger actually about feeling hurt and rejected? If it is, the low-desire spouse needs to be more sexy even though they will not want to do this. And the other one needs to ask themselves when the last time the couple spent quality time together.

On the other hand, Weiner-Davis admits there is a limit. Id say that after several weeks, if nothing has changed in terms of reciprocity, then the couple do need to sit down and identify whats missing in their relationship for each of them and what they would like to have.

Michele Weiner-Daviss cure for a sex-starved marriage

If you have a low sex drive try to adopt the Nike philosophy and Just Do It!, even if you feel neutral towards having sex at that moment.

If youre the one with a high sex drive, try to discover the way your partner wants to receive love. Its typically through quality time, words of affirmation, thoughtful, practical acts of caring and material gifts.

If you dont want sex at a particular moment, explain why and suggest another specific time – and ask whether you can do something else physical at that moment for your partner instead.

If you have a higher sex drive than your partner, try to empathise with them and accept they might never want wild or creative sex, but see the increased level of intercourse as a gift showing their love.

Remember theres no daily or weekly minimum to ensure a healthy sex life. As a couple you need to work out together what works for you.

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

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mysteriouslyzealouspandalov-blog · 5 years

Text

Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

New Post has been published on https://relationshipguideto.com/must-see/is-sex-the-answer-to-your-relationship-woes/

Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

Michele Weiner-Davis, the marriage-guidance counsellor, explains why she thinks having sex even if you dont feel like it is the foundation of a happy relationship

Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

Sex

Inner life

Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

Michele Weiner-Davis, the marriage-guidance counsellor, explains why she thinks having sex even if you dont feel like it is the foundation of a happy relationship

Amelia Hill

@byameliahill

Sun 21 Jan 2018 01.00EST Last modified on Sun 21 Jan 2018 09.52EST

Share on Facebook

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Just Do It. Your partner will be grateful, happier and therefore nicer, too, says Michele Weiner-Davis. Illustration: Andrea De Santis/Observer

She rejects any suggestion that shes advocating a sexually subservient, anti-feminist, lie back and think of England approach. In fact, she says this is the embodiment of female empowerment.

Is the deal explicit, I ask, does the low-desire one say: OK, well make love more often, but then you have to turn your iPhone off every once in a while so we can actually talk?

Michele Weiner-Daviss cure for a sex-starved marriage

If you have a low sex drive try to adopt the Nike philosophy and Just Do It!, even if you feel neutral towards having sex at that moment.

If you dont want sex at a particular moment, explain why and suggest another specific time – and ask whether you can do something else physical at that moment for your partner instead.

Remember theres no daily or weekly minimum to ensure a healthy sex life. As a couple you need to work out together what works for you.

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

0 notes