#i swear i wanna die | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kin-the-muffin · 4 months

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haha soooo many things happening rn and i feel like i have so much time to do nothing like i used to but when i take a step back sure i have less but i still have a lot but then i remember that theres homework im already ignoring in my classes and new friends to know and be known by and old friends to either dump cuz theyre toxic and i never realized or try in vain to keep ahold of a slipping relationship and im in my senior year now hahahaaaaa

vent below

i auditioned for my school’s musical and i finally got a speaking part and im also technically a lead and that rly cool but it also means im going to have to stay at school for twelve hours almost every day until the second week of march when the play ends

im in my school’s honor choir and its a zero hour so i have to wake up at unheavenly times to get there and sing for two and a half hours

i get to be in a rly big state choir too and thats coming up in february and i havent looked at the music yet and i cant get the remind to work and all the emails are so long-winded and badly-formatted and confusing

and my english class is nearly full of students so thats fun and my school has zero, count em, Z E R O good senior english teachers but im pretty sure i have the better of two devils and i had her last semester so i know her and she knows me but i also know the kinda bs shes gonna throw at us and i just have to hope that she wasnt lying when she said that this semester would be easier because we’re not working on senior papers this time (mine was about mental health in schools not that anyone asked lolll)

i also have the same government teacher as last semester which is both a blessing and a curse because i know what to expect but like none of it is good and he makes us do these stupid unnecessary tiny group projects and why tf cant i just work alone i only know one person in the class and his lectures are so pointless and please just let me take all the tests and be done with this heaven-forsaken class already

then im in studio art which is basically the highest level art class at my school and you have to get permission from an art teacher to be in one of their hours then you work on one huge independent project the whole semester and my art teacher knows i draw on my ipad and said i could make a comic so now i have to figure out what its about then i can hopefully start the ball rolling from there but i have too many ideas and not enough at the same time and none of them are developed enough to make a 22-page, fully edited-and-colored comic

and my choir director is so incredibly passive aggressive but not really on purpose, he just knows he has a rbf and so he overcompensates to make himself more friendly but then when his patience runs thin he yells and i wanna cry and die and quit high school and cry some more

and im trying so hard not to stress over college because i know im gonna take a gap year so i can think about it then but two of my sisters have offered their homes to me and i love them both so much and ive been thinking about just getting an apartment and a roommate but i have to tell them that because one of them is going to renovate their basement with my potential living there in mind and then i end up stressing about college anyways like what major and what minor and what school and what even is my endgoal???? i dont know?!?!??!?!! i dont know what i want to do with my life, not specifically! my biggest dream rn is to be an mc streamer and thats just cuz im back in my mcyt phase and the old pipe dream from my childhood has returned but i know it cant actually work out btu the dreamer in me says it can but i know it realistically has like a .000002% chance of actually happening

and thats all i have the energy to say rn

sorry for the rant

sorry for not posting

ty and goodnight

#kin’s rambles #vent #high school #it sucks #i swear i wanna die #*rasputin voice from anastaisia*#mark my words #me myself and i will die #before i graduate #i want to rest so much and end my bloodline #forever #/j #man i really hope none of my friends and family see this cuz a few follow me on here #its just a question of do they look at it enough?#probably not

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littlebigmouse · 4 months

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"Hey, can I copy your homework?"

"Yeah sure, just change it up a bit so the teacher doesn't notice."

#trc #op #tsubasa reservoir chronicle #one piece #zosan #kurofai #'whoops it's gay now'#listen the amount of parallels between the two duos is absolutely insane #the only and i mean the only difference is that fai doesn't swear #and i guess who loses which body part #they both even get 'if you wanna die you gotta stay alive so i can kill you myself' scenes #kurogane #fai d flourite #sanji #roronoa zoro #apologies for the grainy ass screenshots tho #zoro and kurogane even share the same english VA i am losing my fucking mind here people

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angelixtreat · 5 months

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that one panel of girls being girls!!!! theyre great friends!!! best friends!!! friends that kiss once and awhile!!!!

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ressioo · 2 months

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Once again i am in 'help cannot fuckin draw much of what i want to draw' mood so have these. Accumulated over quite a few days

Peepaw overseer beloved

Peepaw on fucking fire. Dont ask me why. I literally do not know. (Also lil pibpaw)

Sunny! Beloved idiot lizard

#This is all actually 3sig+ propaganda #you think id post anything else #brain rot too strong #3sig+#ill do asks eventually i swear #just been looking at them and going AUGH #because artblock and lazy but i wanna do em #and i literally cannot answer asks without art or ill die #no significant harassment

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frootbyethefoot · 3 months

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the scorpion lives

[ID: two digital drawings of gonta gokuhara, and kokichi oma from danganronpa v3: killing harmony. kokichi is on his tippy toes, covering his mouth with his hand and whispering to gonta. gonta is staring down at kokichi, shocked by what he's saying. the background is bright red. kokichi is bright purple, while gonta is bright pink.

the second drawing shows a bright purple scorpion, sitting on top of a bright pink frog. the background is pure black. END ID]

#drv3 #v3 #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #kokichi oma #gonta gokuhara #joeys art #image described #eyestrain #based on a version of the scorpion and the frog i SWEAR i read at some point #couldn't find it if my life depended on it #but essentially the scorpion stings the frog and lives #leaving the frog to die #its not a 1:1 parallel #but i got this idea in my head before i finished chapter 4 #and i knew i had to draw it #thriving rn i have so much i wanna draw

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books-books-smolderinglooks · 1 month

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#young royals #wilhelm #prince wilhelm #edvin ryding #my gifs yr #yr s3 spoilers #swear to gawd i wanna see happy from now on!! 😭 sweet babe. 💔#would die for him! 💜#wille my most beloved 🧡#as Fish said give Edvin all the dang awards!#gawd dang saddest single tear ever! 😞#him*

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cordeliawhohung · 2 months

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i've had the worst day ever and i want to create and write and just cope but i cannot (: sorry for my absence today i'll get to the stuff in my inbox maybe wednesday we'll see

love you all <3

#core talks #not me learning about the death of a family member from a non-family member while i was at work aha #take into the account that my antibiotics make me wanna hurl #and i've got a massive migraine that just won't go away #and i'm cramping like crazy #i'm taking six different medicines #i'm about to make it 7 because i honest to god need some sort of pain relief #but nothing works for this anyway whoops #and i can't take my migraine medicine unless i wanna actually die because of the zofran so #aha #i'm fine really i swear i just really wish i wasn't conscious rn

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andorerso · 7 months

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sorry but comparing whether Jyn or Cassian suffered more in their life like it's the fucking trauma Olympics is fucking ridiculous

they both suffered the same and it's literally not a competition, hope this helps <3

#let's see they both lost their parents around the same age #cassian was kidnapped and lost his sister #jyn was a child soldier #(and so was cassian if you wanna go by his original backstory but i digress)#both had an unstable childhood #both had to watch their parent die actually (lyra and clem)#jyn was abandoned by saw cassian was in juvie #both went to labour camp #they literally both went through the same things but please tell me how cassian had it so much easier than her i'd like to hear #again it's not a competition anyway #but it's ridiculous to even compare when they went through pretty much the same shit lmao #im fucking tired of this narrative #i swear some of y'all don't even like cassian lmao #shut up sissi #discourse #maybe i'll delete this later #im just fucking tired #stop pitting jyn and cassian against each other #they're equals that's the best part about them!! my god #anyway this is a cassian andor defense account #don't talk to me if you don't like him

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tradingjack · 1 year

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babygirl's babygirl alert

[Edit: updated with IDs for accessibility, thank you @princess-of-purple-prose for the descriptions :D]

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felidacy · 1 year

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The effects of Tim's blood consumption and consequences

Tim scars

Tim compared to every other vigilante in the family has the least amount of scars, but makes up with it in the fact that the ones he has are the most gruesome. The batfamily always wonders how that is possible when in too many cases they saw him getting very badly hurt or almost dying, yet far too quickly he seemed fine again to them. And even when Alfred -- ever strict -- performs check-ups on him, there is truly nothing wrong.

The blood consumption and healing cycle system is nothing complicated. The more fatal a wound is, the more blood he needs to take in. The longer he waits with consuming blood, the slower the healing effect is. It is simple with some handicaps that he learned down the line through trial and errors and causes the dilemma of Tim needing to know when he is safe to drink blood. This is all so Tim has some edge to himself and may seem powerful, but in actuality because of his fears and desire to belong he chooses to hide it away instead. As such, Tim is still a quite human-ish vigilante.

A few examples from the story and what scars he should have

Like in many of my AUs, one headcanon of mine is that the Joker Junior case with Tim is happening here as well. While the joker serum certainly had an affect on Tim, he was also kidnapped for days and hungry. Starved he was more on edge and lost more of his rationality, which is why he shot the joker and nearly killed him. (Jason won't know for a while that both his siblings in fact did kill that awful name and he still pulled through. That even Bruce tried even when he doesn't want to acknowledge it) This causes some new tension with Bruce again, but that gets blamed on the Joker serum later on though Bruce in typical fashion holds that against Tim at times anyway. It gets better with time but Bruce is awful with emotions and a hypocrite. While kidnapped Tim was heavily tortured and with the lack of blood to heal him, I believe that Tim has muscle spasms because of the electro shocks at times and Glasgow smile scars in the face.

Like stated in the previous post, after the attack of Jason and because of the Pit blood Tim will have a scar left on his throat. It took his body a while to get every last remnant of the Pit out of his body again (Vampire metabolism works different than humans one, which is why Jason needed to learn to adapt around the Pit even years later.) and as such it takes Tim longer to heal. It were the months after the attack that got to Tim, not even the attack itself unlike many believe.

When Tim was gutted, he took higher responsibility in saving Pru than to even consider drinking blood from Z or Owen. Honestly, it was because Tim always refused to drink blood from people that he cared about that he didn't (he was called stupid for it by Pru, but they both knew that Tim would have accidentally kill the person then just because he wouldn't be able to stop.) As such, the gruesome scar remained there.

Handicaps

The spleen + Pit Water effect

When Tim became Red Robin and therefore more distant from the family in an act of more independence, he rarely let Alfred check up on him anymore or even just shown much of his body any longer. Or that is at least what the family believes, in reality is far less of the suspected teen angst.

At the time when Tim lost his spleen he wasn't put in the Pit to be revived, however Ra's at that point had an unhealthy obsession with the teen (like in canon but worse because Ra's was able to tell Tim wasn't quite human) and did not want to lose such an interesting new asset. As such a little amount of the Pit was put into Tim.

This does not give Tim any rage-episodes or just in general higher aggression/bloodlust, however because of that Tim does need to consume more blood than before and if he doesn't drink enough, that puts Tim in great pain just like if he were to drink Pit infested blood itself.

Pit infested blood

Tim's invulnerability isn't perfect as stated through hints. Jasons blood has changed because of the pit and at best only puts Tim in more pain. The slowing down of the bloodflow and cauterization that takes place is a high risk play, seen as -- if he can't get blood quick enough the effect sinks drastically.

Blood of the dead

Drinking blood of the ones that are already dead, no matter how long ago that occurred, is never a good idea. It doesn't put Tim in pain or heats his unnaturally cold body up, however it has the similar effect of sickness. Tim is unable to consume blood of any kind then for a long while because his body will violently reject it.

Now, one would think that is easy to avoid especially after Tim learned that. Funnily enough it happens a lot though. (It isn't really that funny, but his siblings would taunt him for that if they knew.) A vampire easily slips into a haze and when animalistic instincts take over it becomes significantly harder to distinguish between the living and the dead, as bizarre and easy that sounds.

#tim drake as a vampire #batfamily #dark tim #tim drake #I will forever have a Joker jr brainrot and I die for any content about it #just some headcanons #I put tim through so much pain #swear I love him very much but I just wanna beat that small boy up anyway #it's been a while since I thought about this AU idea

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lesbianneopolitan · 5 months

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Currently doing a Honor Mode run with friends in BG3 btw

#neo.txt #I swear every single battle and conversation is tense because we don't wanna DIE

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frikus-nom-haven · 3 months

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My love for Death/Puss is just making me imagine Death calling Puss a "snack" or says he wants to "eat" him as an affectionate term, because he doesn't know how to socialize properly and he connects Puss to food (sometimes) because that's how he viewed him when they first met.

Of course, he doesn't want to harm him anymore. He's glad Puss is a changed man and values his life, so Death doesn't intend to take it in any way.

But he gets a little vorey around Puss because Puss is so small and what-not, and Death can't help himself from thinking about the fact Puss is on his last life, so it's like an urge to eat him to both satisfy that nagging instinct AND to keep him somewhere he'll actually be safe for a little while /)///(\

Death has no need to "eat" things, his body isn't "alive". He's not a mortal being who needs nutrients, so he could totally just... Nom Puss up simply to hold him and keep him close. To feel a life moving and resting inside of his very being, all for him and shielded from the world.

#escaping to my v0re blog to share my thoughts dndndndnnd #this is what happens when i let myself look at v0re art and connect it to my favorite ship #but man... the potential makes my heart so soft #to be eaten by Death himself but not to die #instead he wants to protect you and keep your life safe #aaaaa ;u;#i swear i might draw something - I am on the edge #my thoughts #puss in boots #kinda dont wanna tag this too much because I dont wanna bother anyone innocently scrolling the fandom tags #extreme cuddling #endosoma #safe vore #soft vore #deathwolf

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littledragonkana · 4 months

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SHE KILLED MY SECOND FAVOURITE CHARACTER OFF!

ESMOND HONEY YOU DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER! YOU WERE ALMOST FREE! SEVERYN PROMISED HE WOULD FREE YOU OF THE CURSE ONCE THIS WAS OVER!

#how dare you!#i hate when authors kill my faves 😭😭😭#i mean i had a feeling he was going to die since he was introduced in the fiest book #but I still had hope!#I swear if one more person i love dies Im going to burn the entire book series ro ashes #(after i finished reading it of course I still wanna know what happens)#WHY DIDNT YOU GO FOR ONE OF THE OTHER TWO LESS IMPORTANT SOLDIERS???#i know why they are irrelevant but!!!!! he was a puppy of a man! i loved him!#HGGWHHDH3HFJFUUCJFBFKDIOWOQK2KE

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tumblasha · 4 months

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who could be my enemy in NEBRASKA of all places

expand for context:

if u blocked someone on iphone and then get a mac, that block list does NOT transfer to mac. my work laptop is a mac and i added my imessage stuff there.

so when i open my work laptop on my first day back from the holiday break, i see this nebraska number text me “merry christmas”.

NOW NOW i’ve only ever blocked two numbers in my life and here’s what i know

can’t be anyone from high school bc they all have 985 numbers

can’t be anyone from college bc i didn’t really have beef w anyone there (like, if we made it to the stage where i have ur number, i’d likely never have beef w u) ((also i’d remember it bc college was metaphorically yesterday))

the “merry xmas” number is from nebraska (402 area code)

the only person it MIGHT be is my gay high school twitter situationship. we talked a lot in 2016-17 (i thought we were just friends bc i was in my straight era rip) until one of her friends twitter DM’d me to be careful with her feelings bc she’s too “sensitive” and “happy with me” or smth?? then the situationship person blocked me and i counter-blocked her

but having a 2016 ex-oomf text me merry christmas in 2023 is a little … wacky. like, she isn’t even active on twt hmm

tempted to say “who is this” but twt told me to ignore it :/ what do y’all think (if u made it this far lmao)

praying it’s something boring

#looked back through tweets where i mentioned her and i wanna die #over half of the tweets are me saying ‘i love you’ which is NOT something i do just for fun ahdjxiwi #maybe this is why my brain blocked most memories from before i turned 16 #gay people /neg /j #dash rambles #also weird of me to do this when i had a whole bf but I Swear i didn’t know it was something serious / romantic until it ended

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blanketorghost · 1 year

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Weeping Wisteria

-Yuu Fujisaki after his debut performance of Fuji Musume, 10 y.o

I've been slowly working on Yuu lore and how it'd affect the current twst story + his relationships and manerisms.

One of the things I've focused the most on is his childhood as an Onnagata trainee.

I think that to follow up on Yuu's literal " a genius that's god's punching bag" trope, I'd do a couple of retconning to his backstory. Most of these are minor changes, but methinks it will impact how he interacts with people— esp a couple NRC students.

(Base info pre-retcon about the Fujisaki clan can be found here)

To start off, Ataru (Yuu's father) would be laid off right before Yuu was born, meaning Yuu wouldn't have known a life before Kabuki training.

This would serve the purpose of reinforcing Yuu's belief that he himself is a bad omen or a bad luck magnet for people, as his family probably wouldn't have struggled so much if Yuu was not born.

Also, though it's common for women in JPN to be housewives after marrying, Yuu's mom, Kanna (環花), would probably also need to resume working if they're struggling. I think Kotonoha would also start tutoring underclassmen for some extra cash to help her parents out + save for college education. His family adores him and each other, of course. And would try to spend as much time together as possible, but sometimes it just can't be done.

This would change Yuu's upbringing in two major factors:

1. He would have spent a lot more time with both his grandfather and great-uncle, which would mean he'd be inducted in two very different sides of Kabuki + also very different, contrasting expectations of what he should be like.

2. He'd have to learn to be independent fairly quickly.

Hiroshi and Nagisa are complete opposites of each other. Whilst Hiroshi gives indiscriminately no matter how little he has, Nagisa is overzealous of the family's wealth─ both knowledge and resources.

Nagisa may have accepted his grandson back into the family, but he only accepted his grandson. He would pay for his education and help with Yuu's needs with a monthly allowance, but that would be it. The rest of the family would still be left to fend by themselves.

Yuu's not dumb, he would notice the difference. After all, why was he given expensive brand-name clothes and attended a prestigious academy that he had to be taken to and from with a private driver, whilst his sister shopped in thrift stores and went to their local public school by foot? Why did his dad never come pick him up from practice and was picked up by his uncle instead? Why were his parents so stressed about pinching pennies to pay next month's rent when grandpa's manor was full of empty rooms?

He would've caught on quick to his position as a very real bargaining chip to maintain his family's finantial stability.

So, I think that Yuu, even though he would grow to hate performing as an onnagata, would not quit Kabuki as soon as possible. In fact, I think he'd continue until high school, were he'd enter an indefinite hiatus just so he could have a normal teenage experience + focus on university before returning to perfom.

Also, I think with how close he is to his cousin Nagihiko, he would not want him to suffer under the stress of becoming the Fujisaki heir— at least not while their grandfather is alive and imposing such standards. He wants Nagihiko to have the carefree childhood Yuu was robbed of because of family politics.

Because of this fact, I think Yuu would be much more prone to sacrifice his happiness if it brought out a greater good. I don't think it's out of pure selflessness, though. He's very pragmatic about the pros and cons of things— and ifthe suffering of one ensures the happiness of many, he does not see any problem with it. I think he would also see his self value in what he is useful for, hence why he would eventually hone his abilities to the point of polymathy.

Then, there's uncle Hiroshi. God bless his man because he actually tried to give Yuu a normal childhood. Whenever he wasn't at his grandpa's slaving away at different subjects, he would be at his uncle's theater office or exploring the backrooms of the place. Hiroshi was a busy man, of course— he had his own business to run, but he did his best to keep him entrtained with what he could. He also was the one to notice Yuu's academic potential as the little bugger would rather read his uncles dusty finance and politic books than the fairytales and picture books he bought especially for him. Hiroshi would have been Yuu's biggest advocate, and since Ataru didn't have the money or leverage to fight back against Nagisa, I think Hiroshi would take that place instead. Hiroshi is described to be extremely generous to a fault, so, as a result, I think Yuu would've witnessed the various times his uncle was backstabbed and taken advantage of, yet still managed to rise back and continue working on his passion.

That's what Yuu's goal was before he got interloped; he wants to bide his time and keep his head down, so once he has enough strength and leverage himself, he can finally stand up for his family... or at least the side that genuinely cares about him.

Yuu loves and admires his uncle, but he does not want to be hurt as many as he was. So Yuu would end up being much more closed off and stand-offish than his own personal hero. He would be reluctant to have close friends and confidantes, effectively making most his relationships superficial except for maybe 3 or 4 close friends he holds very dear to him. None of which are from TWST. I think he's the type of friend that listens to all your problems and knows so much about you, but when you look back— Yuu's NRC friends would realize they don't know anything about him other than the very rare nuggets of trivia he allows them to have.

Yuu is also observant and patient. Let's be real for a second— Yuu is at an infinite disadvantage. He has no magic, no money, no family name, and his smarts can only get him so far in a world he knows nothing about. He knows he needs to play things safe if he wants to survive NRC and its students— at least until he finds something he can fight back with. Humans are endurance predators, after all. (He's still a piece of shit with a big mouth, though)

There's so much more I want to elaborate on, but much like Galatea, it'll take me a while organize all my word vomit. Either way, Yuu's backstory and family dynamics are something I have so much fun of thinking about, because his life was so rich before twst! He had friends, a family and responsibilities to take care of. It's both tragic and freeing that he got taken just at such a pivetal point in his life, where he would have to make the choice to continue living for others or start living for himself.

#art stuff #fanart #twisted wonderland #yuu fujisaki #twst oc #doodles #twst yuu #this is so fucking long i wanna die #if you reached the bottom you are areal trooper #thank u for putting up with my insanity!! gn <3 #i swear to god if tags dont work this time i will commit a hate crime

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hoffmanstits-enjoyer · 7 months

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Who is your favorite pookie? Schenk, Zeke or Mark?

aw anon no. NO. don't ask me this— also it's a bit hilarious to me that you called two by name and then william is Schenk. it has the same funny vibes of people calling mark Hoffman. to me.

as much as i cherish zeke with my entire heart because he's such a funny, bitter loser that doesn't deserve All That, and how i crack myself up imagining what his interactions with the other homosexuals would be like, he and Peter Strahm(another funny, bitter loser) still come in second place compared to their respective unhinged serial killers.

now shit gets more complicated: Mark Hoffman vs. William Schenk. markie pookie has much more content to obsessively thirst over, but william's canonically romanticizing his connection to zeke with his gay ass villain monologue. mark is much more physically violent on screen because not all his kills are through traps and i personally love that he reached his limit and went feral like that although acab pookie has the best thing about john kramer's character which is the asshole-y mastermind theatrics(especially with his deceiving lines) except he doesn't bullshit it on the murdering, he's saying Let's Kill Cops with his whole chest and i'm 100% about it(something that makes me think that John would not approve of him, amongst other things).

both got their charm and dark humor, pretend to be less skilled than they are, put their special man through The Horrors, have gone through a metamorphosis because of grief, etc etc.

i honestly cannot say, anon. i'm trying my best here to find something that may distinguish the amounts of fondness but there isn't a single thing. i guess they are both Number One Pookie to me at the moment, because yes. they are my absolute favorites in the entire saw franchise.

#i'll die on this hill. they have SO MUCH IN COMMON.#which makes me wanna cry bc there's no nothing about them anywhere. not a single post headcanoning shit. life is misery #but yea. i just? can't put anyone above either of them idk #jdbdjdbdj but it's also very funny that you caught on my habit of calling them pookies anon #it's one of my mutuals' fault. they did it first i swear #sawposting #spiralposting #william schenk #mark hoffman

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