#i think im depressed again

[cr2wqu]

oooough.. when the depression strikes back so nauseatingly that you write stories about horrible things happening to you so that, at least then, you'll have a reason to feel all this

#is this too niche #i think im depressed again #the horrors #bad poetry #vent

[rhosgobelbun]

apparently sometimes just standing in the shower and doing nothing is enough

#today i was super tired all i could do was stand there #i think im depressed again

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

#writeblr #warm up #to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace #but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X' #and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!'' #babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3 #mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES #and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for #than have 1 kid NOT get help #but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here #bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness'' #it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!'' #& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness #but use it to defend THEIR actions #like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell? #you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse? #but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck? #your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross? #HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like #all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like. #anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol

[noname-404s-blog]

#worst feeling in the world #worst feeling ever #this is the worst #i dont want to be alone #i dont want it #please come back #im tryin my best #im trying #sadgirl #sad quotes #heartbreak #tw depressing stuff #depressing shit #sadcore #sad quotation #sad qutoes #falling apart #falling again #i think i need help #i think i need therapy #its getting worse #its getting bad again #and heartbreak image #depressing quotes #sad thoughts #im crying #depressing life

[lunarharp]

eh..random pokemon scribbles i found..I LOVE RIKA

#pokemon tag #RIKA IM FROM HOENN..IM AVAILABLE😭 nah i know she's raising a daughter with geeta #in a WEIRD MOOD so i cant draw atm. but i want to before the next witch hat chapter (way too extreme that it's my birthday =_=) #(well it will be in japan time at least when i read it. but still .) #if orufrey genuinely reunite on that day of mine i wont call myself an aries any more. orufrey star sign. things aligned. #Well. ive never felt so depressed about my birthday before and for my services to orufreyism i think i deserve that but its fine. #even if they just look into each others eyes again i swear i will face this next year ahead in life (sigh) (strained smile) with faith #i swear i will genuinely try to believe in life and this world if orufrey exchange words once more this thursday i swear to my soul.

[whatthefuckisasweep]

one thing i really like abt grimmons is, in a way, the only thing really in the way of it is their rancid communication skills and pathetic inexperience with romance. like, grif and simmons both know everyone else fucking knows. they also do couple-y things and they KNOW it. the thing is they just DONT fucking talk about it. they are ALLERGIC to feelings and talking it out. its NOT a matter of stupidity and ignorance — they just dont fucking know how to even BEGIN to navigate it, and it fucking kills me dead.

i LOVE that. i love how theres this really unspoken codependency that toes the line and breaks both of their brains.

its not quite pining in the traditional sense of the word. but its not like its unrequited. its like mutual emotional twister. how far can we go without directly tackling the issue? how the fuck do we even adapt traditional romance when we’re fucking 40 or something and all we’ve known is war and death and sarcasm? left hand red, right hand orange. LOL

#rvb #grif #simmons #grimmons #red vs blue #dexter grif #dick simmons #Im thinking about them again #ill never escape. the ultimate couple to end all couples #I ALSO LOVE HOW UNSERIOUS GRIMMONS IS #like. Genuinely its so fucking funny the source material is just soooo silly #so you can just mold it to ur hearts content #u can make it as crack-y as u want and its like i could still see it being real #or u can make it depressing missing moments and itd still be perfectly real #they are my favorites. Both of them #ever of all time. ultimate couple

[possamble]

Have you seen that short where Marcille goes to an "ex-dungeon lord support group"?? It's so funny that it EXISTS at all but it ends with her being awkward because everyone there lost something great and she's sitting there like "uh... I lost the will to do my hair." But it's so sweet because her hair is styled in that short by someone who cares for her 🥺

I did!! If I recall correctly, I think Pattadol actually set it up because she wants to help former dungeon lords heal?? It's very sweet and also SO funny.

And kind of tragic. Marcille thinks she got off easy because she doesn't remember how much she used to love taking care of her hair. It was such a huge part of who she was as a person and now she doesn't even remember it well enough to grieve it. She says "oh well, I guess I'll cut it short" like she didn't spend years growing it and taking care of it. Like it wasn't a point of pride for her, like it wasn't something she really loved about herself.

Sure. It's not as bad as what happened to Mithrun and Thistle, who had their entire selves taken away. But the demon still took a fundamental part of her in an active attempt to make her more vulnerable, and she doesn't even think it was a big deal...

#asks #marcille donato #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #sorry this got depressing LMAO #i just. have a lot of feelings about marcille's hair #partially because im growing mine out for the first time in my life and jesus CHRIST #it is so much work. it is sososo much work to keep it looking even remotely nice instead of just Daily Scraggly Ponytail Again. #i know a big headcanon is that falin learns how to style hair just for marcille #and it's a sweet idea #but girlie couldn't. not even the dragon could give her the patience attention span and manual dexterity needed for that shit #i actually think it's probably one of the three girls who were fawning over marcille in the golden kingdom chapter #they'd probably be stoked to do it #marcilleposting

[trainingdummyrabbit]

parents are really fascinating creatures. theyll watch this thing they brung into existence Stop eating Stop cleaning Stop going outside Stop doing much of anything Without being able to explain and theyll go Hm. Clearly This Thing Is A Spoiled Brat.

#like boss......read th room #like its really fascinating. would love to study it. but unfortunately ; #piktalk #every so often i think of that poem. or story. abt the little girl who was heavily depressed; #and her dad drove for hours through the night to get her almost out of season plums. because it might give her the hope to keep living. #because they wanted her to feel loved and safe and seen and heard. #i think about it sometimes. #anyway post cancelled once again thinking abt 'dad why do you have beef with me im 4 i love you'

[milkbreadtoast]

IDK... IDK!!! 🫥

#orv #omniscient reader's viewpoint #omniscient reader #yoo joonghyuk #yu junghyeok #i didnt sketch first or use ref so this is prob wonky af dlcbdmfbdj #my art #alsjdkskd even to my eyes this looks almost identical to how i draw cedric.... i give up.... #i do try to draw them diff but i dont think its v noticeable dkdbff #*mutters* eyebrows shape... i decided i'll give yjh triangle eyebrows (thicker at the ends) & cedric tapered brows (thicker toward middle) #*whispers* im also trying to make cedric's hair curlier... like more than yjh... but idk if its noticeable dkfjd #i need to draw him again #but besides that #THE VIBES R DIFF..... #goes full on shoujo when drawing cedric #but w yjh im like. no i need to show the angst and depression *gives him eyebags and takes the light from his eyes* #<-- this is my approach to drawing dark choco cookie too kdjfnd #cedric... has angst and depression too but. he hasnt been thru the Time Loops™️ #and he can sleep well thanks to his emotional support prince jesse(yeseo)BDNBSBD

[skitskatdacat63]

"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily."

+ process(tw blood)

Also, look at him, bloody little guy 🥹

This drawing was inspired by several matador pics :D here and here:

^ I don't think I'll ever live up to the second one ah. There's several pics of that specific guy just soaked with blood, and I'm uh a bit obsessed with then ITS FUCKED UP I KNOW OKAY! But I've not drawn blood in a while so it was a bit difficult so I added less than I would want to I guess. Also I'm obsessed with how often they kneel in bullfighting?? Like okay who are you arching your back and spreading your legs for-

#ah not 100% sure abt this one but i think i still like it!!! #i was practicing matador poses during the wknd and im like yeah should prob paint one #and then it felt like all the energy left my body djfkkglg i was like ugh how do i paint again????? #mostly: just really wanted to draw him bloody #i love how every time i draw him in ferrari colors its just the most eye bleeding thing ever #my eyes get too used to it on my ipad's display and im like aw this isnt red enough :( #and then i transfer it to my phone and it feels like the red suddenly is hurting my eyes even worse djfkkglg #im glad the blood turned out well. i honestly think it was probably easier bcs the clothes are red already #but yes yes suffering ferrari nando. hes my comfort character atp 😭😭 #perfect catie drawing: depressed ferrari fernando. blood. napoleon quote #anyways yeah lmk! i think it looks okay?? idk i think i just love the first 2 matador drawings i ever did #and its very hard to live up to them. but whatever. we move on #im glad i did a more complicated pose at least ????? #also god i was somewhat annoyed w his face and then i redrew his eye and it was like OH OKAY suddenly good okay #tw blood #<- i would put this drawing under the cut but like. my blog i do what i want and i want to draw blood #i used to draw bloody stuff a lot more but ah idk less opportunities now sjfkkglg so it was kinda nice #catie.art. #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #matador au

[hecksupremechips]

Come back home when you have some sense

You can throw your life away just not at my expense

You’re not the son I raised

#jhariah #this one just rawrrfrrr #and then uh another line thats like ‘tell me did you raise a man?’ #nice #im just listening to the new album to cope with nasty sickness and feeling out of it #god this album is really good it has every emotion in there like this song for example just the part where they scream the chorus its like #hnnnghhh #hm some other moments from the album im liking a lot uhhh i love re: concerns a lot #the part where hes like reading off the complaints and then the part where hes just screaming and its like BAM BAM BAM BAAAM #sasuke is so good and the bit at the end where its like ‘i just want you to know im so so...’ #like hes gonna say sorry but cant seem to say the word for whatever reason and i know nothing about sasuke #but i has to imagine the fan girlies are eating gravel over that one lol it gets me #and theres just that like spooky echoing afterwards #the intro to fire4fun goes SOOOOOOOO hard i was losing my shit its awesome #the entirety of trust ceremony is giving me big feelings but specifically that part towards the end where its all quiet and you hear #its like whistling i think? like a marching band is coming in maybe #but it also kinda sounds like nature too and idk i like got a little bit um magical at that part cuz i was driving down a big hill #and it had been raining but there was a clearing in the clouds and the sun was bright and like at this particular hill #you can just see everything like the land stretches for miles theres trees hills the river farms all that shit #and idk with the extreme stress and depression ive been feeling its hard to have these moments where life seems worth it #and its hard to really feel anything anymore or to feel in the moment but idk i was just going down that hill seeing everything and it was #very majestic so yeah that song is definitely gonna have the same effect as pin eye for me #which i must mention pin eye again its still OOOOGHH very good it came at a pretty good time for me #yeah basically this album is uhhhh whats keeping me somewhat grounded rn i recommend 👍

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

something something a supernova of heartbreak in a cold unforgiving universe etc

#oh look! MORE JADE #she makes me eat drywall. im so normal about her i prommy #my favorite depressed lesbian.... #scribble garnish #dragons #my art #oc #original character #not-fish <3 #i should make a tag for my dragon ocs but i need to come up with a comprehensive one since theyre not all veran.... #im getting attached to this slapdash painting style over messy sketches #i like the look of it And it doesnt take too much effort! #the perfect Combo!!! #hm i think i broke off too little of her horns tho #but then again i do kinda like just the tips being off instead of snapped in half... #we'll see how i feel next time i scribble her at this point in her life

[nuppu-nuppu]

Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again

#pls dont read if you cant handle venting and whining #once again i am here to say that i am the loneliest person alive and i feel like i can’t grasp the basic consept of friendship and do it lol #like idk how to be friends #i feel like i will forever be sad and lonely #and i know everyone will say you can talk to me and i know that but i’ve just been by myself for so long that i don’t remember how to have #actual conversations with people i feel like i am disconnected from reality #i feel like i am an extremely unlikeable person and that’s why i was all alone in highschool and idk i am oversharing on the internet again #because it’s the only place i kind of feel safe doing it #pls take care of yourselves first before comfoting me or anything im sorry i sound very pathetic #how do i start living again #how does one live anyway #im just in my head all the time #this was supposed to be hot girl summer but it’s once again summertime sadness #im so stupid!!! #im so anxious and depressed that i dont know what to do with myself #im so sorry for oversharing i have a therapist dont worry im kind of taking care of myself #but the eternal loneliness just wont let me go #idk how to be a person anymore #i’m just sad #thinking of going to a church and pretend to be a believer so i could have a community again lol

[yellowocaballero]

Been a fan of your fics for YEARS. I was just telling my friend how despite how much I read fics I never actually love them, with some of your fics (especially TMA) as the exception. Felt the need to reread some of them and saw you reblogged some ISAT fanart. So. Any thoughts on ISAT you'd like to share?

Hope you have a wonderful day!! So happy I found your fics again!!

I avoided answering this for a while because I was trying to think of a way to cohesively and coherently vocalize my thoughts on In Stars and Time. I have given up because I don't want to hold everybody here all day and I have accepted that my thoughts are just pterodactyl screeching.

I love it so much. I have so much to say on it. It drove me bonkers for like a week straight. I have AUs. It's absolute Megbait. They're just a little Snufkin and they're having the worst experience of anybody's life. Ludonarratives my fucking beloved.

I am going to talk about the prologue.

The prologue is such a fascinating experience. You crack open the game and immediately begin checking off all of the little genre boxes: mage, warrior, researcher, you're the rogue...some little kid who's there for some reason...alright, you know the score. You're in yet another indie Earthbound RPG, these are your generic characters, let's get the ball rolling.

Except then you realize that these characters are people. You feel instantly how you've entered the game at its last dungeon, at the end of the adventure. They have their own in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They get along well and they're obviously close, but not in a twee or unrealistic way. They have so much chemistry and spirit and life. I fell in love with them so quickly.

But Sif doesn't. Sif kind of hates them, because they will not stop saying the same damn thing. They walk the same paths, do the same things, make the same jokes, expect Sif to say the same lines. They keep referencing a Sif we do not see, with jokes we never see him make and heroic personality he never shows - they reference a Sif who is dead - and Sif can't handle that, so he kills them too.

They become only an exercise in tedious frustration. Sif button mashes through their dialogue, Sif mindlessly clicks the same dialogue options, Sif skips through the tutorial, Sif blows through the puzzles. Sif turns their world into a video game. Sif is playing a generic RPG. Sif forgets their names. They are no longer people with in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They're the mage, the warrior, the researcher, and...some random kid.

I did not understand the Kid's presence at first. I had no idea what they contributed to the game. They didn't do anything. As a party member in a video game, they're a bit useless. Why is the Kid there?

Because Sif's life isn't a video game. Because the kid isn't 'the kid'. They're Bonnie. Bonnie, who the party loves. Why is Bonnie there? Because they love them. There is no room for Bonnie in the boring RPG that Sif is playing. And then you realize that Sif is wrong, and that they've lost something extremely important, and that they'll never escape without it.

Watching the prologue before watching ISAT gave ISAT the most unique air of dread and horror, because you crack open ISAT and you see the person Sif used to be. You realize that Sif used to be a person. Sif used to be the person who made jokes, who gave real smiles, who interacted with the world as if they are a part of it. And you know you are sitting down to watch Sif lose everything that made them a person, to lose everything that made them a member of this world, and turn them into a character in a video game who doesn't understand the point of Bonnie at all.

At the climax of the game, when the others realize that something is deeply wrong and that Sif physically cannot tell them, they realize that there is nothing they can do. So Bonnie declares snacktime. And for the first time they have snacktime.

What is snacktime? Classic JRPGs don't have snacktime. There's literally no point to a snacktime - not in a video game, and not in Sif's terrible life. It's not fixing this, because nothing can fix this. But Bonnie gives Sif a cookie and Sif eats it.

It's meaningless. It's a cutscene. It didn't save Sif and it didn't change a thing. It will make no difference in the end.

But it did make the difference. It made all of the difference in the world. Bonnie is a character who you really don't understand the point of before you realize that Bonnie was the entire point.

ISAT is about comfort media. Why do we play the same video games over and over again? Why do we avoid watching the finale of our favorite shows? What is truly comforting: a story with no conflict, or a story where you always know what is about to happen? Do you want to live in a scary, uncontrollable world, or do you want to play Stardew Valley? Do you want a person or a character?

When I beat Earthbound for the first time (and if you don't know, the prologue/ISAT battle system is just Mother) and watched the ending cutscene where the characters part ways and say goodbye...I felt a little bit sad. I wanted them to be together forever. But that's something only characters could ever be.

#these aren't deep or unique thoughts they're just the specific aspect of ISAT that made it one of the most interesting gaming experiences #i actually like the prologue much more than ISAT for just this reason #its honestly a video game art piece that's created to give the player a very specific experience #that makes them an aspect of the narrative that is told #it's. incredible. #in stars and time #start again start again start again #start again: a prologue #isat #god and there is so so so so much more to say here #what a rich and complex and fascinating game that made me cry like a baby #i dont even kin sif. we arent similar at all. #i cant imagine how devastating this game would have been if i did #but I do have a deep relationship with escapsim #and i write about it a lot #and video games about being video games are wonderful #as are stories about being stories #and why we consume stories. how we use them. how they save us and hurt us. #never played a video game that used its medium so well #i bet undertales also pretty good at that but this is more so i think #stories about stories have to be about why we love stories #and im not an artsy person and i roll my eyes a bit when people talk about the spiritual neccesity of art #i think people need stories because the world is sad and hard and boring and we want to think about something else for a while. #some people need to be anywhere but here #and sometimes if you're Lil Depressed-Ass Snufkin that looks like being here forever #baby cringe-ass snufkin big hat idiot

[cottageivy]

2 onesie recolors for the price of one! ($0)

made these for personal use but decided to say fuck it and release them. theyre not perfect but i think theyre cute!

james onesie:

-3 different patterns, 9 total swatches -each pattern has 3 swatches, each with a different background color -bgc -custom thumbnail -pattern credits to lesyaskripak on freepik -used colors from the historian palette by @serindipitysims / @academiapalettes

un-quilted onesie recolor:

-12 different patterns, 27 total swatches -each pattern except for 4 have 3 different swatches, each with a different background color -bgc -custom thumbnail -HUGE thank you to @spacecasesimmies for dequilting the onesie! i wasnt gonna recolor the quilted version bc it looked odd with patterns, but then i saw their post and got so excited. go check out their recolor here! -pattern credits to lesyaskripak on freepik -used colors from the historian palette by @serindipitysims / @academiapalettes

download and a few more pics of the patterns under the cut!

tag me if you use them in your game! id love to see them <3

james onesie:

mediafire // simfileshare

un-quilted onesie recolor:

mediafire // simfileshare

#ts4cc #ts4 #s4cc #sims 4 #sims 4 cc #ts4mm #s4mm #the james onesie is ofc named after james #ive been dressing up the infant version of him sm (pictured here lol) #for some reason my brain just fixated on painstakingly erasing patterns from the button flap when i got depressed lmao so here #again not perfect but i just think theyre cute okay #myrecolors* #this is my first released recolor since simblreen 2021 so go easy on me lmao #tbf ive recolored some shit for personal use recently #see the camp half-blood shirt i did for a sim that i eventually wanna clean up and post cause im a nerd #also i swear the only color isnt brown whoops #i have blue and green in there too i swear

[medicalunprofessional]

doodler….. the brothers (he heee silly…

#guilty gear #robo ky #thegrudgeGG #for context? eeyahh very au related. #ive been sniffling just looking at this. poor bobo. i think he deserves much more than the shit i put him thru #waaaAAAHHHHHHHHHhhh shsbshsbbsbdffbdbdbfbfbbfbnssansnnrrfff #it is not very silly. that one is dead #by the way things are goijg im gonna be the ‘depressing art of robo ky’ guy in like a month #nightmaretheater #me and the anatomy i do not care about ooooooooooo me bullshitting anatomy again ooooo ignore all the mistakes