#i want them to take care of themselves. i want them to save their spare energy for someone who deserves it. i dont want to be selfish

[weed-cat]

boys im not gonna lie, it really fucking hurts to know that my safety and happiness is no one’s priority 🙃

#i know it's my own fault i know i know i know it #i know that i'm a lost cause #i know that my crisis moments just come and come and come and come and never stop #i know that everyone is numb to my suffering at best and actively resentful of it at worst #but holy fuck #it hurts so so bad when no one cares when i cry or hurt myself or someone hurts me or i want to die again #i know its my fault. you have no idea how much i know it's my fault. you have no idea how much i think about that #i don't expect people to care. it's not fair to expect people to care. it's just me. i know i haven't earned it. #i'm trying so so hard i swear i am. but it's not enough. i know it's not enough. i know that i can't ever be enough. #there's no sense in wasting your emotional energy on comforting someone who will inevitably dysregulate again. #it's just logical that people tune out my pain. it makes me happy that the people i love don't waste their time on me. #i want them to take care of themselves. i want them to save their spare energy for someone who deserves it. i dont want to be selfish #but that doesn't mean that i dont feel so so so so so lonely #suffering alone is so painful. even if it's for the best #and i know that i'm not going to be able to deal with that pain forever. i know that i'm going to take myself out before long. #and like #it's okay. #i've accepted it. #i know that some day i'm going to feel too alone and overwhelmed to keep going and i'll just stop. #it's actually quite comforting to know that i can remove myself once it's too much to handle. #to know that i'm not going to have to live with this for longer than i can handle. it's genuinely humane when you think about it. #obviously i'd prefer if i just didn't have to hurt. or at least if i do have to hurt i'd prefer if i didn't have to feel so alone while i do #but i know that that's not an option. i have to hurt because i can't be fixed. #i have to hurt alone because i just can't let myself ruin anyone else. #but it's not forever. i just have to keep telling myself that. once the weight of existing as Me gets too heavy i can let myself rest. #i think i'd like to rest tonight but i wont. its very very heavy right now. it's crushing me. #but there are just a few too many people who are invested in my continued existence right now. it would be selfish to take it from them. #but they'll tire of me eventually. they always do. and once they don't care anymore i'll do it. #but for now it just hurts. #i just have to close my eyes hold my breath and let it bury me

[reallyromealone]

Back to you

Mikey x male reader

Omegaverse, angst, attempted suicide, depression, mentions of miscarriage

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

(name) was silent as he listened to the saved voice mails of his once fiance, Mikey's warm voice as he spoke about their plans and the soft "I love you" before they ended, he was always so gentle when speaking to (name).

He was always so wonderful to (name).

He worked so hard for (name) especially after the Takemichi incident, he and takemichi actually grew quite close over the years.

"Don't stay up too late, Sanzu and I got business... I love you" Mikey's voice spoke out before the audio clip ended and (name) was left in silence, tears streaming down his eyes as he whispered a watery "I love you" back, body slumped slightly as a sob broke through his body.

He took care of Grandpa Sano till his passing, the house given to (name) when he died and (name) became a recluse, each room exactly how it was left, Emma's room unchanged.

It was a time capsule of broken memories.

(Name) kept everything clean and tidy, taking the spare room as his own and keeping keepsakes of his family now gone, a shrine of his three siblings.

He always put their favorite desserts and foods out for them, shrines in the empty dojo for each member of the Sano family Izana included, photos of each of them.

He hoped they rested easy.

Mikey was never the same after leaving (name), his beloved Omega, his everything.

Sanzu locked his pain away with drugs, guilt filling him for abandoning his beloved younger brother, the only sibling he claimed and valued deeply.

Takeomi pretended nothing was wrong but his heart clenched at the sight of anything or anyone reminding him of the omega.

Mikey didn't eat much, he didn't sleep really either.

He could feel the pain from (name) in the claim mark, he bit (name) during his rut but (name) never got a chance to return it during his heat, Mikey forced to feel it all.

The abandonment.

The suffering.

The heartache.

Every night like clockwork was when it was at its worse, like it started all over again.

And it was all Mikey's fault.

The two had been engaged since they were children, been through the good and the bad and Mikey left (name) with OAS (Omega abandonment syndrome).

Mikey was living in the life of luxury while (name) lived alone and broken.

Mikey kept close tabs on (name), he was obsessed with him-- he always was.

(Name) was perfect.

He had pictures of him, regularly getting updates on every aspect of his life and every little moment he had.

Draken got (name) a dog, it helped a little.

It got him out at least, (name) regularly going out to walk the pooch.

"It's for the best" he would tell himself, it's what all three of them would tell themselves.

(Name) walked with Draken, the Alpha always the big brother figure to him, he was supposed to be his brother in law after all. The tall mechanic decided to give (name) a job at his shop with Inupi, the passive blond never really interacted with (name), Draken explaining his situation and the therapy (name) was going through. (Name) made strides compared to how he was in the beginning, when Mikey abandoned him... (Name)... He... Draken hated thinking about it.

(Name) was good at the job, the consistency with social interactions distracting the Omega and he even laughed once, even if it was only slight.

"Move?"

"Yeah, inupis boyfriend and him want to live together and I offered to move out so they can have the apartment"

"Are you still looking?" (Name) asked softly and Draken grunted "yeah, preferably something close"

"... You could stay with me"

Draken accepted it, (name) and him packed up grandpa sanos belongings, some things spaced around the house but many things out in Mikey's former room (Draken had to put it in as (name) refused to enter that room), Draken moving in the same week.

Mikey looked at the pictures and didn't know how to feel though the mics and cameras in the apartment showed Drakens genuine concern for the Omega, helping him move on from the 'deaths' of all his loved ones.

"You kept these?" Drakens voice through the recording was shocked and almost heartbroken, Mikey leaning into his seat as he watched the recording "I couldn't get rid of them... I have a box of memories as well"

Mikey was shocked as the Kanto and Toman jackets were lifted, they were in perfect condition, Mikey thought he got rid of those...

"I miss him" (name) croaked out and Draken held him close "did you know I was pregnant when he left?"

Mikey froze as he heard this, Sanzu walking in as he heard it "pregnant?" Both Sanzu and Draken said in shock.

"Yeah, a little girl... I hoped she would look like Mikey... I always teased him that he would make a pretty girl" (name) said with a lifeless chuckle and everything clicked for Draken.

This is why he couldn't move on.

"I had a whole dinner planned for telling him, do you think he would have been happy?"

"Yes..." Mikey whispered broken, he would have been over the moon! He would have lifted (name) and carried him around, never letting him lift a finger and and... He killed his baby.

He was the worst.

"I was wondering... If you maybe wanted to go out sometime?" A customer asked (name), the Omega shocked as he fiddled with his fingers "uh... I'm sorry I'm not looking for a relationship right now" he mumbled looking stressed out and leaned away, he had stopped saying he was married anymore.

The concept of a relationship was hard for (name), who would want him? A broken Omega widow?

It also felt like a betrayal.

He was betraying his alpha...

But Mikey was also dead.

Mikey was dead.

(Name) was sitting in his room thinking about this, maybe it was time he go on a date.

(Name) wanted to cry.

His date didn't show up.

(Name) felt defeated as he stood up and left the restaurant, tears staining the nice clothes Mitsuya put together for him, walking down the street with a distant look.

He decided to take an alternative route, wanting to eat some sweets at a bakery he knew stayed open late.

(Name) was in a haze as he walked, staring at the road before him and walking into it.

He stared down a truck barreling towards him when he was ripped away "ARE YOU INSANE?!" a voice screamed at him and (name) just stared off before glancing up.

"Oh I'm dead..." (Name) mumbled as he stared at Sanzu, so broken and lifeless was the man before Sanzu.

"You're not dead! You almost fucking died! Why would you do that?!"

Because he wanted to see his loved ones.

He just wanted to be with his family.

He lost so much.

Emma.

Senju.

His brothers and his beloved.

"I lost it so bad I'm hallucinating..." (Name) laughed to himself as Sanzu looked at his brother in horror, had (name) been that emotionally damaged by them leaving him?

(Name) stood up and began wandering off, clothes tattered and scrapes on his body and Sanzu didn't trust him to be left alone.

(Name) sat on the leather couches, taken to god knows where but he didn't particularly care.

He didn't care what happened anymore.

He was already hallucinating his dead loved ones.

Glancing around he took in the high end building and the large clear window of Tokyo, wandering to look out of it.

He wondered how fast he would die at this height.

"(Name)?" A voice took (name) from his thoughts and he turned to see Takeomi, the other in shock "you're not real" (name) said simply as he looked at Takeomi up and down "(name)... I'm real" takeomi said to his brother who scoffed and returned to look out the window.

Takeomi walked towards him and reached out but got a volatile reaction instead "don't fucking touch me! Is this some sick fucking joke?! Let's get people who look like the poor omegas dead loved ones and emotionally torment him!" (Name) cried out as he stepped away, shaking and just every emotion he repressed came out as he began crying hysterically. He was so angry and just done, screaming his frustrations onto the other and hyperventilating to the point he felt dizzy.

His screaming and angry caught the attention of the rest of Bonten, Mikey stepping out to see his beloved being held by takeomi while struggling and screaming.

"Look! There's Mikey!"

(Name) was sobbing and absolutely furious as he locked eyes with his mate and at this point absolutely lost it, not noticing takeomi putting pressure against his neck before the world went dark.

Mikey didn't leave his mates side, the closest he had been in a long time, he knew he shouldn't have but crawled in the bed and held (name) close in his lap, kissing his temple.

"I'm so sorry... I shouldn't have left you" Mikey whispered, he wasn't going to let him go anymore.

He just hoped (name) wouldn't despise him when he woke.

#tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers x male reader #male reader #bonten x reader #omegaverse #omega male reader #mikey tokyo revengers #mikey x male reader

[sepublic]

No but the way Pucci being Christian is so intertwined with his motives as a villain... He’s every story I’ve heard of the Christian convert who suffered something horrible and senseless, and after drifting through life lost and without a sense of purpose, found hope by believing in God. He’s so many stories of tragedy I’ve seen where people managed to cope by finding peace in the idea that this is all part of God’s divine, incomprehensible plan; It’s fate, it’s his will, and by accepting it they can move on. It’s for a reason, even if they’ll never understand what they’re looking at.

That’s what Heaven is for Pucci; His core trauma is a series of horrific coincidences with no rhyme or reason, and so he latches onto the idea that it’s all part of “his” plan, God and/or DIO’s. That’s why he finds comfort in knowing the future, knowing it’s all in the hands of Fate and removing his own blame and agency, which is why the narrator asks the viewer to judge for ourselves who did wrong, when we see the backstory of Wes, Enrico, and Perla. Pucci made a decision and it backfired horribly, so he doesn’t want to choose anymore.

It’s the way Pucci’s desire to be the messianic hero screws him over and causes tragedy; He’s so devoted to his position as a priest that rather than sabotaging it in order to just tell Perla the truth to her face (thus breaking the rules of the confessional), Pucci relies on this roundabout method so he can have it both ways, only to cause heartbreak and death. Pucci is so desperate to save humanity to make up for his own guilt and failure that he resets the universe, making him the worst kind of evil in his brother’s eyes; One totally oblivious to its nature. Pucci begs to die a martyr from Weather Report and Emporio, rather than just dying here and now.

Ungalo and Rikiel are prepared to die for Pucci once he gives them a sense of purpose to all of the inexplicable misfortune in their lives; Versus is also emboldened by this realization, but chooses to weaponize it for himself. The sons of DIO are people who all went through misfortune their whole lives, they’re ‘children of God’ who find comfort in devoting themselves to something they can actually believe in, that they believe will take care of them in some way; Like many Christians following the path of God, believing Heaven is waiting for them at the end of the tribulation and that it will all be worth it, that it all meant something and mattered and served a cause, like them. 

Pucci and the sons of DIO can no longer bear the pain and uncertainty of moving forward, so they aspire, Pucci especially, for a world where fate will move things along for them. They don’t have to take the first step, especially not Pucci, when Made in Heaven’s reset will compel him and everyone else to do what’s fated, regardless of what they try. 

Pucci fears and admires the courage of the Joestars who are able to step forward and face fate, engage and grapple with it, rather than just blindly accept and surrender in despair. If Diavolo precedes Pucci as someone too resistant of fate, Pucci is the opposite; Someone too resigned to it. Unlike the Joestars who know their fate but can work with what’s written in stone to change the other details. 

It’s why Pucci admires the first human to try a mushroom despite knowing it could kill them; But rather than put in the effort to get up to their level, Pucci would rather everyone stoop to his own, and claims he’s just sparing people noble yet needless pain (He’s only sparing himself by avoiding the reminder that he could and should be braver than this). He says he pities the human who tried a mushroom, adding that they were probably only motivated by hunger and desperation, and had no choice anyway.

I think Pucci is secretly envious of that courage, and that’s why he always downplays it afterwards by suggesting it’s foolishness rather than bravery. Pride, Envy, Wrath... Sloth given his despair, and a bit of Greed with the $800 dollar pants. Then there’s the BDSM vibes of Whitesnake for Lust, all that’s missing is Gluttony, which I guess the cherries and being devoured by the Green Baby account for...?

In all seriousness, Pucci wants guidance; He surrenders himself to God, follows the instructions led by DIO, and relies on Fate to tell him what to do when Made in Heaven resets the universe. Remember that time Pucci got around his brother’s Heavy Weather by removing his sight, and forcing Anasui to guide him? Yeah.

There’s a reason why Whitesnake obsesses with preserving the past, and I think part of it boils down to Pucci being afraid of its counterpart the Future; Which Made in Heaven, not entirely unlike King Crimson, allows Pucci to speed through and glimpse, to get through the worst of it ASAP and lessen the pain. He doesn’t want to accept that sometimes things just… happen.

#jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #enrico pucci #stone ocean #character analysis #meta

[stvrni0lo]

𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠

matt sturniolo x reader (fluff, hurt/comfort)

summary: reader gets stood up on a date, but Matt comes and saves the day

warnings/notes: like one use of Y/N

requested?: yes! number 7 “a telling b they deserve better” and number 24 “if only you could see yourself how i see you" from my actions and dialogue prompt list

> > >

You had been waiting for your date to arrive at your agreed meet-up spot. The dress you wore revealed your legs to the cold air and you pulled it down for the 10th time this night.

Pulling your phone out again, you texted them one more time. There was a myriad of messages from you stemming from “where are you?” to “are you coming?” and even a series of not so nice words.

To be fair you had been waiting for almost an hour and there was still no sign of your date.

Sighing, you clicked on Matt’s contact, listening to it ring before he finally picked up.

“Hey, you okay?”

You picked at the skin of your nails, feeling defeated.

“Not really. I think I just got stood up,” you said dejectedly, your head hanging low.

You could hear Matt sigh, before you heard the sound of him getting off what you presumed was the couch. Hearing his keys jingling, he was in his car in less than a split second.

“I’m on my way - stay where you are,” and with that, he ended the call.

You felt so stupid. You should’ve known something was wrong when Matt pointed out some of the strange stuff your date was doing…

- - -

Matt opened the passenger door for you, smiling as you let out a laugh of disbelief.

“You’re not the one taking me out, remember?” you joked. Although you wished it was him. You had always wanted it to be him - but neither of you ever made a move. You weren’t even sure if he liked you like that.

‘Maybe he does,’ you thought to yourself. Shaking your head you let the idea go.

You had spent too much time pining for him. It was time to move on - which is precisely the reason that you agreed to go on this date.

“I might as well be. I’m the one driving you aren’t I?” he retorted. You knew Matt wasn’t too fond of the person you were going out with, but you couldn’t quite pinpoint why.

You chalked it up to him being upset that your date didn’t pick you up themselves. Although you personally didn’t care, Matt had said it was a red flag that they didn’t confirm your date this morning - AND refused to pick you up.

You should’ve listened to him.

- - -

Matt’s car halted in front of you, and you could see him leaning against the console to open the door for you.

You hopped into the seat, deflating against the headrest as you clicked your seatbelt in. You thew your handbag in the back seat.

“What happened?” asked Matt carefully.

He could sense you were upset, so he didn’t feel like saying ‘I told you so’. In truth, he just wished he was the one taking you out, but he could never seem to bring himself to ask you. The fear of it being too awkward and ruining your friendship was a big factor in why he never made a move.

“They never showed up,” you mumbled against the window. Your head was leaning on the cold glass, your eyes shut.

You lifted your head for a moment, your hand coming to grasp at Matt’s forearm. “Thanks for coming to get me.”

Matt’s cheeks were tinged pink at the contact of your fingers against his exposed skin. If only he had the guts to confess to you.

“You know I always will,” he said.

Putting the car in drive, he began to make his way out of the parking lot. You felt so stupid. It was even worse that Matt had to see you like this; especially after warning you about the date. He was right.

“Matt?” you said, watching as the colours of the sun set reflecting brightly against his pale skin.

He hummed in response, briefly sparing a look at you before paying attention to the road.

“You were right.”

The car was silent for a bit, your words settling in. Of course he was right. He was your best friend, he only wanted what was best for you - why else would he have been so against you going?

“Don’t say that. You couldn’t have known this was going to happen,” he said.

While it was true, he did try to warn you beforehand so you should’ve known.

I mean what kind of date doesn’t pick the other person up? Especially since it was so far away from where you and the triplets lived.

“I should have listened to you,” you replied.

Matt found a quiet spot to park, setting his car off to the side of the road. It was a little car park near a diner. It wasn’t too far off home.

“I was only saying that because-“ Matt paused for a moment, his body swiveling to face you.

“Because what?”

The look he had in his eyes made you heat up. Your heart raced as you looked down at your hands, trying to avoid contact with him. If you stared into his eyes for too long you would make yourself belief that he actually liked you. But he didn’t…right? Although the way he was looking at you said otherwise.

“Because I know you deserve better.”

You scoffed lightly, looking out of the windshield. The sun had almost fully set now, the streetlights gradually turning on one by one.

“I’m serious,” he said, his hand coming to grasp yours. “You deserve someone who sees how special you are - who won’t ghost you or ignore you. Who will treat you like you deserve to be treated.”

Your heart fluttered at the feeling of his hands intertwined with yours. His thumb moved back and forth on the top of your hand, gently calming your nerves down.

“I’m not that special,” you laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

Matt’s eyes softened. He leaned his head down slightly to look into your eyes. Your eyes which were still trained onto anything but him. Lifting your jaw with his free hand, he made you look into his irises for what felt like the first time tonight.

“Oh Y/N, if only you could see yourself the way I do.”

Your heart felt like it skipped several beats. Scratch that, it felt as if it had stopped completely.

His blue eyes were trained on you. His brows furrowed in adoration as he watched you nuzzle into his palm. Your eyes drifted to his as his thumb now caressed your cheek, too.

“And what do I deserve exactly?” you whispered. It would’ve been inaudible if it wasn’t for how silent you both were - or how close your faces were to each other.

Matt’s lips curled into a smile.

“For one, someone who will communicate how they feel.”

Ironic, considering he never had the balls to ask you out.

“So this is me communicating. I like you. I really like you - and seeing you get all dressed up for someone who isn’t me was killing me. I want to be the one to take you out on fancy dates, drive you around. I know your worth, and you should too. Fuck that other guy if he couldn’t see what he was missing out on,” he said.

Your chest filled with warmth upon hearing his words.

You were almost surprised at how coherent it all was. He seemed so confident and sure of what he was saying. Now you felt blind for not seeing it before - of course Matt liked you.

His other hand came to rest on your jaw too, leaving your hands sitting on your lap. Now both his hands were on either side of your face, causing you to not be able to look away.

“Say something.”

Lips lifting into a huge grin, you leaned in slightly.

“If you didn’t want me going on that date you could’ve said so. I’ve been wanting you to ask me out for ages,” you laughed.

His nose nudged yours playfully before leaning his forehead onto yours. Your hands came to wrap behind his neck, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“How about I make that happen, then? Let me take you out, I’ll make up for all our lost time.”

Your eyelashes fluttered against his as you closed your eyes. Matt had always made you feel so relaxed in his presence.

“I’d like that.”

And with those final words, Matt leaned back just an inch so that he could see your face again. His thumb grazed your bottom lip, his eyes never leaving the sight of them.

“Can I?” he asked, his eyes searching yours for an answer.

You nodded before pulling him in by his collar. Thank God you got stood up.

- - -

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭:

@lollibumblebee

@dwntwn-strnlo

@gracietaylorsversions

@20nugs

@thetriplets3

@sunshinewwx

@gwenlore

@gabbylovesreading

@ssturniolo

@opheliaofficial07

@stargirlv0id

#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x you #matt girl #chris sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo x reader #christopher sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets x reader #the sturniolos #sturniolo fanfic #the sturniolo triplets #nick sturniolo imagine #nick sturniolo x reader #stvrni0lo

[goosewriting]

Across the Galaxy and Beyond

summary: some time after the Mantis crew split apart, Cal has an unexpected reunion with reader on Koboh

relationship: Cal Kestis x gn!reader

warnings: spoilers for Jedi Survivor, vague-ish mention of events from the Battle Scars book but i don't think it counts as a spoiler, hurt & comfort, flashbacks, kissing

word count: 8.9k 👀💧 ...i am unwell about this man what can i say

A/N: started writing this when i first started jedi survivor, and finally got around to finishing it now that i finished reading battle scars and the cal kestis brainworms are attacking me again. story doesn't follow the game exactly. also this could be read as a separate story from my wherever you go, i go trilogy, but i like to think it's the same reader and timeline lol so go read that if you haven't c:

Navigation: Part 1 (you’re here!) | Part 2 (wip)

(english is not my first language. constructive criticism and grammar corrections are very appreciated!)

— — — Part 1: Just like old times

After Cal's escape from Coruscant, the Mantis was pretty shredded. The main problem was the gyro, but upon entering Koboh's atmosphere, all systems started failing and the Jedi had to make an emergency landing somewhere on some cliffs. 

It took a lot of climbing and wall-jumping and fighting the aggressive local fauna, but after a couple of hours, Cal and BD finally made it to the outpost where Greez' cantina was located. On the way there he also encountered bandits who called themselves the Bedlam Raiders, as well as old Separatists battleships and battle droids, of all things. Just what has Greez got himself into?, Cal thinks to himself after saving a local from Rayvis, the leader of the Raiders, and outing himself as a Jedi in the process.

When Cal and BD finally enter Pyloon's Saloon, they meet with Greez. Since the Raiders have just been at the saloon (and the place doesn't look all too inviting either), there are no customers, so Cal and Greez catch up at the bar. The Latero is extremely happy to see the boy and his droid in one piece after all this time. Over a drink, the redhead tells him about the last job on Coruscant gone wrong, how only two of them made it out. He expresses his frustration, how the Empire is only growing stronger and everything he does feels pointless. Things haven't been easy since the Mantis crew split up. 

After catching up a little, Greez tells Cal that he has some spare parts and will take care of the ship. He'll send someone to bring the ship to the landing dock behind the saloon. In the meantime, he should take a breather and explore the outpost. Cal doesn't like feeling like he's wasting time, but with the state the Mantis is in, there really isn't much else he can do. 

The Latero shows him the room in the basement, telling Cal he can stay as long as he needs. Greez wasn't kidding when he said he had a room just for Cal: there was a meditation area in the middle of the round room, and even his old clothes and some unfinished tech projects were all stashed away in a big chest. 

They both sit down on the edge of the bed, and it doesn't take long for the conversation to take a direction Cal doesn't like. Not because what Greez is saying is wrong; on the contrary, he's probably right, but the redhead doesn't want to hear it. Not right now. Greez, in a genuinely concerned tone, goes on about how the game is rigged and Cal should walk away while he can, maybe even settle down somewhere. Cal lashes out for a moment, claiming someone has to keep fighting.

— — —

You approach the stable in the outpost riding on your nekko, humming a happy tune to yourself. You're lost in thought, letting your trusty mount walk the last stretch to the stalls by himself, as he knew the way. Once you reach the structure, you get off and start putting away your haul; you just came from a successful hunt. You'd skin and prepare everything later though, so you pack the preys away in special boxes where everything would be preserved for a couple of days. 

“Hello master,” a robotic yet chirpy voice greets you. 

You turn around with a smile, facing the Separatist battle droid you had found and reprogrammed to help you out at the stable.

“Hey there, Connor,” you greet back. You've told him several times not to call you that, but he insisted, saying you saved him and now his purpose was to serve you. You take a moment to inspect his blue and black markings that have started chipping more noticeably; maybe it's time for a new paint job.

“Did I miss anything while I was gone?” you ask, taking the saddle off your nekko and placing it onto the designated wooden beam. 

“Yes, in fact,” Connor replies, placing new food and clean water in the trough. “There's a ship on the landing pad behind the saloon that I've never seen before.”

“Is that so? What kinda ship?” 

“A modified S-161 Stinger, and it's pretty busted up. I'm surprised it even made it this far.”

You stop in your tracks, your grip tightening around the halter you just took off the nekko, which is now happily munching away on its fresh feed.

“Interesting,” you remark, putting the rest of the equipment away and turning around to face the droid. Since you spent most of the day down in some caves, you didn't see or hear anything. “Do you know who was on board?”

“I didn't see who came off the ship, but I overheard some prospectors talk about a newcomer that went one on one with Rayvis,” Connor comments, then leans in closer to you, looking around as if to make sure no one would be listening in on your conversations, when it's clearly just the two of you at the stable. “I also heard Turgle mentioning a Jedi being seen around here.”

“Huh,” is all you manage to say, feeling your heart pounding in your chest. There was no way he was here, right? After all this time? As far as you know, he doesn't even know you're here. So if it is him, he isn't here to see you, but Greez instead. It's probably because of the Mantis; Cal is in need of repairs. This thought immediately replaces the initial anticipation with a strange, cold feeling. 

“Can you believe it?” Connor goes on. “I've never even seen a Jedi. I would love to meet them.”

You take a long look at the droid, remembering the state you had found him in. He had never been in the war, actually. He spent several years in an abandoned Separatist camp, never even getting to be activated. So he only knew his programming: serve the Separatists, fight the clones and kill the Jedi. Yet he had never lived any of it. Reprogramming him had been easy in that regard, as his memory banks were mostly blank. Back then you were looking for a droid companion to help you out at the stables, and even though you know what battle droids mean to the Jedi, you can't help but think that they are kinda cute. The B1 models, at least. The B2 series and commandos are pretty scary. 

So you gave your new friend a name (you couldn't decide between Hank and Connor, but decided to go with the latter as it somehow suited his demeanour better) and a new purpose in life, and he seems content with that. The only fighting program you left in him is for defending the stable and nekkos. First and foremost it is his mission that they are not harmed. You also ordered him not to leave the outpost, for his own safety. You don't want the raiders to find him and get access to his memory bank. They would use the information against all of you at the outpost, and either scrap him or reprogram him to join the raiders. Once they were dealt with, however, you promised Connor you would take him around Koboh first, then show him the galaxy. 

“I'm going to the saloon,” you announce. “Can you take care of the rest?” 

“Roger roger!” Connor replies with a salute, getting to work. 

You find yourself smoothing out your clothes and hair as you make the short trip to the saloon. When you reach the bar you're met with Monk, the witty bartender droid. He greets you with a happy tone and some strange phrase that you don't entirely understand, as he always does. You ask for Greez, and he points towards the door to the side, saying he's in the basement with some old friend of his that just dropped by.

With a gulp and a forced smile, you thank him and head down the stairs. The urge to turn on your heel and run away grows with every step. As you're about to reach the door, you hear voices coming from the other side.

“-to be something more than a lightsaber.” That's Greez, you think. He sounds… sad? “Think of yourself. Settle down, find a home.”

“What home, Greez?” You swear your heart actually stops beating and accelerates at the same time when you hear the voice, his voice. “There is no home. Home was the Order. It was my teacher.”

You've stopped a couple steps away from the door so it wouldn't open and have you interrupt the conversation, but you involuntarily lean forward to hear better what Cal says next.

“It was everyone I lost… Home was the Mantis with you, Cere, Merrin, and–”

The automatic door whooshes open and Cal and Greez turn their heads towards you as they stand up from the bed they were sitting on. 

“I- I didn't mean to eavesdrop,” you sheepishly state after a moment of uncomfortable silence from everyone, approaching him but staying at a distance. “Hey, Cal. It's been a while.”

“Yeah, it has,” he retorts, and you can't really read the tone of his voice. 

You look each other up and down, taking in how different you both look since… Since the last time you saw each other. Since you split up. 

A thousand thoughts go through your head, and a thousand different feelings resurface, making your heart tighten in your chest, like there isn't enough space for everything it's trying to process.

Greez can't take the tension anymore, so he clears his throat loudly.

“Lemme show you something, Cal,” the Latero says as he walks towards a panel on the far side of the room. He presses a couple of buttons and a section of the wall slides open with a creak, revealing a path behind it. “This is an old smuggler's tunnel, you'll find spare parts in there. Just… be careful, I have a pest problem.”

With that, Greez walks by both of you, giving your arm an encouraging pat, before leaving the room. It's just you and Cal now.

“Spare parts?” you ask, trying to make some conversation. “For the Mantis, I take it?”

“Yeah,” Cal replies, looking at the tunnel entrance but not moving from where he stands. “Gyro's fried.”

You two stand there in silence, and you want to smack yourself in the face. You feel like an awkward 12-year-old all over again, not knowing how to talk to your cr– You stop your train of thought before you dare finish that sentence and potentially embarrass yourself further. The heat on your cheeks that refuses to leave your face since you've laid eyes on the Jedi can't possibly have gone unnoticed by him.

“You know, Greez has had this room set up for you for quite a while,” you tell Cal, shooting him a quick smile. “So I take it you'll be staying for a while, right? The Mantis isn't going anywhere.”

Cal shrugs and shoots you a quick, unsure glance, then casts his eyes back down, scratching the back of his neck. 

“I was just about to head out,” you lie. Your plan for the evening was to have a drink at the bar and unwind, but him being here changes everything. “You could join me and I'll show you around if you'd like…”

Cal looks at the tunnel again, weighing the options in his mind. One is going down there to fix the Mantis as soon as possible, then taking off to who knows where. The other… you're not so sure. And if you're being honest with yourself, you're too scared to ask.

“Sure, why not,” he finally agrees with a sigh and starts walking towards the door that directly leads outside from the basement, but you feel like something, or rather someone, is missing. You look around the room, scanning your surroundings for a certain droid, then turn back to Cal.

“W-Where's BD?” you ask, fearing the worst. You'd really hate it if something happened to him.

“Oh, he wandered off somewhere earlier,” Cal says and you release a breath of relief. After calling for him, the little droid comes hopping down the stairs and into the room.

“BD!” you greet the little companion, and he excitedly beeps at your reunion. He comes running towards you and you pick him up in a hug.

“Oh, how I've missed you,” you spin him around a couple of times, then set him back down onto the floor. “I have a droid of my own now, but you're still the cutest. Don't tell him, though,” you add with a wink. 

“You have a droid?” Cal asks as BD climbs onto his back and you all make your way out.

“Yeah, he helps me out at the stable,” you explain, pointing at the building as you reach the end of the stairs. The stable is practically behind the saloon. From these stairs it's a very short trek to reach the paddocks.

“Those are nekkos, right?” Cal questions, approaching the fence and looking at the two animals chilling in the sun. “I met Mosey earlier. She said she worked at the stable,” he turns around to look at you. “But she didn't mention you.”

You're about to retort by saying she couldn't have possibly known that you two knew each other, but you're interrupted by a chirpy voice.

“Master! You're back already?” 

At the sound of the familiar robotic voice, Cal instinctively draws his lightsaber, and turns towards the side entrance to the stable. You hurry to get between your droid and the Jedi; you don't want to see Connor get sliced today. Not by him. Said droid peeks out from behind the archway, and BD beeps repeatedly, alarmed. 

“Wait!” you exclaim, holding your hands up into the air defensively. “That's my droid!” 

“Your- Your droid?” Cal repeats, clearly confused. He puts away his weapon nonetheless.

“He's reprogrammed, and he's never even been in the war,” you explain, walking backwards as Cal starts approaching the stable to inspect the battle droid further, with you still between them. “He was never even activated. He's good, I promise!” 

“Master, who's this?” Connor asks, walking back into the stable to make room for Cal and you. “Is he bothering you?” The droid activates the blaster you had built into one of his arms, and Cal's hand goes to the hilt of his sabre again, while BD beeps in exasperation. 

“No, stand down!” you order, and the blaster immediately turns off with a whirr. “Will everyone please calm down?”

Still standing between Cal and the battle droid, you let out a huff, looking from one to the other. 

“Cal, BD; this is Connor, my droid,” you start introducing them. “My good and reprogrammed droid, whose mission is to protect the stable and the nekkos, nothing more.”

Cal seems unimpressed, still looking at Connor with narrowed eyes. You turn to the droid.

“Connor; these are Cal and BD,” you start. “And you know what? Cal here–” You look at Connor with raised brows and lower your voice. “–is a Jedi.”

Connor brings his hands up to where his mouth would be, gasping in surprise. 

“You- You are?” he asks, quickly going around you to take Cal's hand and shaking it vigorously. “It's such an honour! I've always wanted to meet a Jedi!”

“So you could get up all close and stab me in the back?” Cal retorts, his voice laced with uncharacteristic venom, and pulls his hand from the droid's grasp.

“What? No, I–” Connor starts but you push him to the side a bit.

“It's okay, Connor. He'll warm up to you, eventually,” you comfort him. “Please go get the nekkos ready for us?” 

You've never heard a sadder 'roger roger' in your life and it sends a sting of pain through your chest. 

While the droid goes to prepare your mounts, you turn around to Cal and frown at him. He crosses his arms in front of his chest defensively. 

“Why would you say something like that? He's genuinely excited to meet you,” you explain. “When was the last time someone was actually happy to see a Jedi, hm?”

“Not a battle droid, that's for sure,” Cal retorts with a huff. 

You look up at him for a moment, holding his rather cold gaze. You wonder just what happened these past few years that had him like this. Sure, you understand why he isn't a fan of battle droids. Normally you aren't either. But there's just something about Cal that's… different. He looks older, but it might just be the beard. He also looks more tired, carries himself differently. With confidence like he always did, but also in a “don't mess with me” way that wasn't there before. Gone is the spark in his eyes, that glimmer of optimism and hope, replaced by the promise of not holding back if anyone were to cross him. 

For several moments, you just look at each other, and you're sure he's analysing you just as you are him, and you wonder what is going through his head. 

“The nekkos are ready,” Connor announces, leading both of them out of their respective stalls by the reins. 

You allow the animals to sniff Cal and inspect him, while you give a short explanation on how to ride and guide them. Cal's mount is white with a dark face and legs, while yours is a dark purple and brown. After thanking Connor and waving him goodbye, you both hop onto the saddle and head out of the outpost. You know your way around, taking a route that would keep you hidden from the patrols, both the imperial ones as well as the raiders. You'd much rather deal with the local fauna. And you do come across a couple of rawkas at the river, and a pack of gorgers when heading further up the Southern Reach. But you two make quick work of them.

In fact, Cal has grown stronger, and not only that, but he also has a new array of weapons it seems; now he double-wields his lightsabers, and he also has a blaster, which completely takes you by surprise. 

Once you reach the base of the big silo, you get off your nekkos and climb the rest by foot, getting on top of the structure and sitting at the edge. It's not a super well-hidden spot; if the patrols under you decide to look up they would definitely see you, but it's a good vantage point to show Cal the different places. You point towards the landmarks, explaining them to him so he can orient himself and navigate beyond the outpost. You tell him about the caverns, the mines, to look out for different patrols and what areas to avoid; be it because of the raiders, like fort Kha'lin, or because of bigger fauna like bilemaws, goroccos and mogus. Especially mogus. They are fierce.

Once you're done with your explanation, you lean back onto your hands with a sigh. Cal attentively listened to everything, but he doesn't seem interested in keeping the conversation going, as he hasn't said anything.

He's looking out, scanning this corner of Koboh as far as he could see from here, taking in the view and probably trying to commit to memory everything you've said. You look at him from the corner of your eyes, your gaze falling onto the holster on his hip.

“So,” you try starting the conversation again. “You now double-wield and you have a blaster. Which, by the way, is pretty uncharacteristic for a Jedi, no?”

“A lot has changed, I guess,” is all you get out of him.

“Do you have any other new tricks?” you ask, and the memory of him re-discovering his Master's lessons after his escape from Bracca comes back to you, making you smile fondly to yourself for a moment. 

“Hmm,” Cal thinks aloud, also leaning back and finally tearing his eyes from the landscape to look at you. “There aren't any new Force-tricks, if that's what you mean. But I do have this.”

He brings one of his arms up, showing you the contraption on his brace.

“Grappling hook. Comes in pretty handy,” he explains, showing you some of the mechanisms. Your hands reach up to gently hold his wrist, so you can inspect the device better, and you could have sworn you heard his breath hitch at the contact. At that moment, you realise that's the first physical interaction you've had since he arrived, and you quickly let go. 

“We should head back,” you say as you stand up, dusting off your legs. “It will get dark soon, plus you must be hungry. I know I am.”

“Yeah, I could eat,” Cal replies, getting up to his feet as well, and BD beeps in agreement.

Cal climbs down the silo first, while you scan the area one last time for any patrols. When it's your turn, just as you're almost at the base of the rather unstable ladder, your foot slips and you lose your balance. You hold onto the next best thing, which happens to be Cal. Seeing you're about to fall, his arm reaches around you and he pulls you towards him while with the other hand he tightly holds onto the railing that goes along the walls of the structure. 

“You okay?” he asks, and when you look up at him this time, you're finally met with a pair of eyes that you recognise. There's concern in his gaze but also a certain warmth, amused at how you were a fierce warrior yet managed to be clumsy in small things like these. He found it cute, which you knew for a fact because he would tell you often, back then…

“Y-Yeah, thanks,” you mutter, separating yourself from him now that you're back safe on the ground. Feeling the heat spreading on your face, you can't help a sheepish smile. “Guess some things never change, heh.”

“Guess not,” Cal says with a small smile of his own, and your chest tightens at the sight. 

The ride back to the Outpost is silent, and you wonder if his body is also reacting as strongly as yours; ever since slipping, your skin feels like it's tingling, and your heart hasn't calmed down in the slightest. 

Once you're back at the stable and the nekkos have been taken care of, Connor mentions that Greez left some food for you, and hands you several small containers wrapped with a cloth. 

“You wanna eat at my place?” you find yourself asking Cal, who's scratching behind the nekko's ear. He turns around to you with raised eyebrows in what you assume to be a surprised expression, but he's quick to relax his face back to normal. 

“I have a room behind Doma's shop,” you explain, holding up the food in your hands and you gesture to it with your chin. “And Greez knows this is far too much food for myself.”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Cal replies, calling BD back to him, who was scanning some stable equipment. “Let me help you with that.”

Cal takes the food off your hands, and you say your goodbyes to Connor, who stays at the stable. It's a quick trip past the saloon's entrance into Doma's shop. She's behind the counter organising some of her merchandise, and returns your “hello” from afar without looking. Only when she hears Cal's greeting does she turn around. She shoots you a look and you know exactly what she means, heat prickling again at your cheeks. You give a curt shake of your head, quickening the pace to evade Doma's questioning, heading for the door at the back that leads to the place you have been calling home for the last year. 

It isn't much, but it makes do: one big room, that's both kitchen and a living space, with two doors at the far side that lead to a small bedroom and the refresher. The main room is decorated, you like to think it's warm, cosy and inviting. You even managed to thrift an old couch somewhere, refurbished it yourself, and it now essentially serves as the centrepiece of the room. There are several rugs on the floor, as well as piles of pelts and leather in the corner that you still have to finish working on so you could sell them. These days that's your main source of income.

Cal stands at the door for a moment, taking everything in, and you suddenly feel very self-conscious. The space is clean, but the fact that you can't read his face makes you a little nervous. To distract yourself, you take the food from him, bringing it to the kitchen counter.

“I think the food is still warm,” you say as you start opening the containers, the delicious smell filling both your noses. “Do you mind setting the table?”

Cal and you make quick work of getting everything plated and grabbing some drinks, then sitting down in front of each other at the wooden table to eat. You make some light conversation between bites, catching each other up on what has been going on in your lives recently. He tells you about some of the missions he's been on ever since the Mantis crew split up, and you tell him of your own solo adventures before you came to Koboh. 

When the plates are empty, your bellies full, and the conversation is about to die down, you ask if you can check out Cal's lightsabre. He unclips it from his belt to hand it to you, and you catch yourself being relieved at the fact he still trusts you enough to just give his sacred weapon to you without further inquiry. 

He's changed some parts and the materials, and you hold the device in your hands with the utmost care, admiring the beautiful design and intricate markings on the wooden accents. Rather suddenly, a feeling of regret and shame spreads out in your chest, thinking about how not only this sabre but also Cal himself went through so many changes, and you hadn't been there for any of it. There's so much you want to tell him, about how sad you are that you weren't there for him, about how sorry you are with the way you left, about how you've been thinking of and missing him every single day. But telling him that wouldn't be fair. You have no right to be selfish like that.

“So what exactly happened that got the Mantis in such a state?” you decide to ask instead, reaching the lightsabre over the table to give it back. Cal takes it with a deep sigh, putting it back to his belt, feeling immediately comforted by its familiar weight. 

“A job on Coruscant that went… wrong,” he starts, telling you how his team was gathering intel for Saw Guerrera, and it had all worked out until the very last moment, where everything went wrong, and he lost his whole crew in an instant. Only him and another person made it out of there. In fact, one of his crew members saved his life by pushing him out of the way and taking the blaster shot herself instead. 

You listen intently, and your heart grows heavier by the second; you can hear the frustration in his voice, the voice of a man who's this close to giving up entirely, because he's just so tired, but he can't. He won't. You know Cal took it upon himself to fight the Empire by himself if he has to. A trait you genuinely admire but also despise. After all, that was one of the reasons you left.

Then he mentions the Ninth Sister, and your attention is fully back to what he's saying. 

“I tried to get through to her, I really did,” Cal says, his voice cracking for a second. “But she wouldn't let up. I had no choice.”

“Did you…?” you ask carefully.

“I killed her,” he says matter-of-factly, but you can tell it's been eating away at him.

“I'm so sorry, Cal,” you offer, reaching across the table and placing your hand on his. “That couldn't have been easy. I'm sorry you had to go through that.”

He doesn't meet your eyes, his gaze fixed on his half empty cup instead, watching the drops of condensation slowly fall along the outside of the glass onto the table, staining the wood. But he doesn't pull away either, so you give his hand a reassuring squeeze.

“You look exhausted,” you finally tell him, and he lets out a breath through his nose, as if saying 'you have no idea'. You offer for him to take a shower here instead of at the saloon before heading back, telling him yours is nicer, to which he chuckles lightly, and he accepts. 

He insists you take a shower first while he takes care of the dishes, so you do just that. Once you're out, it's his turn. You hand him a towel and a change of clean clothes, and you can tell he wonders why you have them in his size, until he realises that they're actually his. It's an old shirt and lounge pants that you would always steal from him and had apparently taken with you. He doesn't comment on it though, instead he simply stares at the clothes in his hand for maybe a second too long, deep in thought. Then he blinks a couple of times, as if he just came back from zoning out, gives you a short 'thanks' and gets into the shower. 

While he cleans up, you take a seat on the couch, pulling up the novel you're currently reading on your holopad. Only now that you're sitting with your legs stretched out along the length of the cushions do you realise how tired you are, both physically and emotionally. Out of everything you could have thought would happen today, meeting Cal was certainly not on the list. Still, you can't deny that you're happy to see him. For starters, he's still alive. And you've missed him, much more than you care to admit to yourself. 

After reading the same sentence of your book over and over, failing to focus, you sigh and look at BD instead, who hops onto the coffee table and tilts his head at you with an inquiring beep. 

“Has he been taking care of himself?” you ask the droid, pointing over your shoulder in the direction of the refresher, where you can hear the water running.

BD lets out a sequence of beeps and boops, and you narrow your eyes at him for a moment. 'He keeps himself busy' he said. Is he dodging your question?

“Is that so,” you reply with a hum, and BD shoots the question right back at you. You're a bit surprised at his concern, and for a moment you consider opening up to the little droid, but you hear the water turn off, so you bring your attention back to your book again instead, trying your darndest to focus on what's happening in the story. The washroom door opens with a whoosh.

“Where should I put the towel?” Cal asks, still standing at the door frame. 

“Just put it in the hamper underneath the sink,” you reply over your shoulder, and in the corner of your eye you can see BD still looking at you, waiting for an answer. Then he tilts his head with an amused boop; he's got you all figured out. 

“Oh shush you,” you start scolding the little droid, but Cal appears, walking around the couch to sit down. Except that your legs are stretched across it, so you start lifting them off the cushions and intend to bend them at the knee to sit properly, but Cal gently grabs your ankles, lifting them off the couch to sit down, and places them over his lap instead. His hand comes to rest on your shin, and you can feel the warmth he irradiates seep through the fabric of your pants. 

“You looked comfy,” he points out, his hand gently rubbing up and down below your knee, while with his other hand he props up his head against the back of the couch. 

You swallow hard, unable to answer, and bring the datapad up to your face to hide behind it. Why is he being so nice suddenly? Is it because you aren't outside where others could see? Or is it because he realised he still has you wrapped around his finger so he's just teasing you? You're beyond confused at the sudden sign of affection after he's been so distant the whole day, like he hadn't planned on ever seeing you again. And to be quite honest, you deserve the cold treatment. After what you did, the way you left. 

Feeling the sting behind your eyes, knowing what's coming, you shrink further into yourself, holding the holopad even closer to your face to hide it from Cal's view. He can't see your expression from where he's sitting, so he gives a light chuckle, thinking you're just flustered. The sound feels like a dagger in your gut, and you unsuccessfully choke back sob.

Now Cal's face changes completely to one of concern, and he pushes the pad out of the way only to be met with your crying face. 

“Whoa, wait-“ Cal says, and he retrieves his hands, holding them both up in surrender. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- I thought we-“

“I'm so sorry, Cal,” you croak, crying freely now, as you let go of the device and it falls onto the floor with a 'clunk'. “I'm so sorry for everything, for what I did. For leaving you alone.” Your hands wipe away at your cheeks in a vain attempt to dry off the tears, but they just keep coming. 

After the crew split up, the Mantis felt unbearably empty. After the failed mission on Hosnian Prime, after saying goodbye to Fret and Irei, who had definitely changed the dynamics of the crew (you still weren't sure if it had been for better or worse), everything felt like it started falling apart. 

The first to leave was Merrin, saying she needed to recentre her fire and find herself again, to be able to draw all the power she now knew she was able to use. 

Then, it was Cere and Greez. The Latero trusted Cal and left his beloved ship in his hands, telling him to look after it until he'd be back. Except everyone knew that he didn't really intend to. The loss of his arm had hit him harder than he wanted to admit, and for Greez it had been the wake-up call needed to “leave the game while you can because it's been rigged since the start”, as he would often say. Cere on the other hand took off with new-found determination. Her and Cal's goals weren't all that different: the endgame was to defeat the Empire, one way or another. However, Cal believed in taking action now, while Cere had her sights set on the future, being able to help those who would come next, long after she and everyone else were gone. She wanted to build a legacy, as the 'Jedi's knowledge was far too valuable to be lost to time and circumstance. 

After everyone was gone, it was just Cal, BD and you. 

The Jedi had become irritable, like he had already convinced himself that you would leave him soon too, as did everyone, apparently. You reassured him to the best of your abilities that you believed in what he stood for and wanted to stay by his side. However, now that you didn't have a whole crew to count on, you had to be more careful than ever.

“We have to be smart about this!” you'd plead, seeing Cal running head-first into danger time and time again. 

When the nightmares became too much, you'd hold him tightly, kissing his tears away as he'd cry out for his master, Tapal.

“You were just a kid!” you had yelled at Cal one time, when what was supposed to be a quick run-down of the plan had become a big argument. “You act as if the whole universe is counting on you and only you to defeat the beast that is the Empire. Do you think that that's your destiny? As dictated by the Force? We've had our share of big, successful missions as a group. Now it's time to back down, Cal. We're just two people, what do you expect we'll achieve here? It's time to move on.”

Needless to say, those words had not calmed Cal down in the slightest. Now he felt just as betrayed by you as he did by the rest. More words were thrown at each other like daggers finally let free after being pushed back for far too long in an attempt to keep some level of normalcy between you two. But there was no going back. So you did what you told him as well: you moved on. That same evening, you packed your things and left. 

Your heart bled and tears kept streaking down your face with every heavy step you took away from the Mantis, but at the time, you didn't know what else to do. You'd never wanted to leave Cal, and you hated yourself for doing this to him and to yourself, but what you had going on was no way to live anymore. Maybe, hopefully, now that you were gone, he would understand that. 

You know it had been a horrible thing to do, especially like that. After years of telling him how you'd follow him to the end of the world. After telling him every day how much you loved him. After promising you'd be there for him. The worst part was that being away from him was far more painful than it was with him. He left a void in your heart that only he could fill. You meant to go looking for him many times, but were too scared. You didn't deserve to have him back. Not after what you did.

But now he's here.

Between cries, you apologise over and over again, saying how what you did wasn't fair, that you wished you had never left and worked it out instead, that you missed him so much it was hard to breathe. 

Cal doesn't answer immediately, and you force your somewhat blurry gaze up to meet his eyes, and you see he's starting to tear up himself. He leans forward, lifting you up and settling you sideways onto his lap, enveloping you in a bone-crushing hug. You hold him just as tightly, crying into his shoulder.

“I'm sorry,” The more you say it, the emptier it feels, but it's all you can manage for now, and you mean it. “I really am.”

“I know,” Cal says, squeezing you a little tighter. “I felt it. When you gave me the clothes earlier.”

You remember the countless nights you've cried yourself to sleep in the very clothes he's now wearing, the times when you missed him so much you felt like your heart would rip its way right out of your chest, muttering your regrets into your pillow, as if it could carry your apology and bring it to Cal somehow. You groan in embarrassment; you always forget that your stuff also carries imprints he can feel.

“I'm so lame,” you mumble and pull back to look at Cal, giving him a weak smile that quickly turns into a grimace again as a new wave of tears come rolling down your cheeks.

“No, you're not,” Cal reassures you, one hand cupping your face and wiping over your cheekbone with his thumb. You lean into his touch with a sniffle.

“I've missed you too,” he finally says, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. “And I'm sorry—” He kisses your cheek. “—for making you feel like you were less important than the missions.” A kiss to the corner of your mouth. “You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I took you for granted.” His lips brush over yours. “Can we try again?”

You close the minimal gap and kiss him hard, like Cal was the air your lungs needed after being underwater for too long. He reciprocates just as intensely, pushing you down onto the couch and climbing on top of you. When he finally breaks the kiss, you're both panting. You run your fingers through his hair as he trails kisses along your jaw, and you giggle at how ticklish his beard feels against your skin; that's a new sensation you'd have to – no scratch that, want to – get used to. Your giggles turn into a low moan as he bites the spot over your collarbone, and when you turn your head to give him better access, you're met with BD still on the coffee table, now sitting comfortably, looking up at you two as if it was the most interesting spectacle in the world. 

A strangled sound of surprise and embarrassment comes from your throat and you push Cal away a bit by his shoulders, to which he raises his head and grumbles in annoyance for interrupting him.

“We have an audience,” you whine, hiding your face behind your hands, and Cal lets out an amused laugh. BD beeps matter-of-factly.

“What do you mean 'don't mind me'?!” You turn to the droid and you swear that if he had a face, he'd be wearing the cockiest of grins right now. 

“Some things really never change, huh,” Cal comments with an amused smile, thinking back to all the times you'd become flustered when you kissed in front of BD, saying it was inappropriate or something. If only you knew that Cal often did it on purpose because he loved seeing your cute, flustered face.

“Unlike this right here,” you point out and bring your hands to his face, stroking over his beard, enjoying the prickly sensation. “This is new.”

“Do you like it?” Cal asks genuinely.

“You know I like your scars,” you say, tracing over the one on his lower lip. “As long as they're not covered up, I think I can get used to it. It does look good on you.”

Cal smiles down at you tenderly and for a few moments, you simply enjoy each other's presence, taking each other in. Making sure that this is real and it's happening, that you're back again. Until you let out a hearty yawn. 

“Let's get to bed before we fall asleep on the couch,” you say, rubbing your face, but stop to look up at Cal, who seems very content with his current position and hasn't moved yet. “You are staying here tonight, right? I mean, if you want to, you don't have to. Greez has the whole room thing for you, so I understand if—“

Cal interrupts your rambling with a quick peck. 

“Yeah, I want to stay,” he assures you and finally stands up, helping you get off the couch. 

“Let's go, BD,” you tell the droid to join you as you take Cal's hand and guide them to the bedroom. 

You climb into bed, BD at your feet as he would always do on the Mantis, and Cal lifts the covers to get in as well but stops for a moment when he sees the holopicture on your night stand. In the small frame he recognises Greez, Cere, Merrin, Cal, BD and you in the cockpit, all grinning at the camera. Smiling to himself, he finally gets into bed, hugging you to him.

“I have the same picture of us on the Mantis,” he says after letting out a content sigh at finding a comfortable position. “Guess we still were connected somehow all this time.”

You hum in response, a bit surprised at the romantic implication, as if you were lovers who found comfort in looking at the same moon even though you were separated. But you like the idea nonetheless, and you agree. 

The warmth both on your skin and spreading in your heart makes quick work of carrying you off to dreamland though, so before you can even give a proper reply, you're fast asleep in Cal's arms.

— — —

The next morning, you wake up to BD's beeping. You groan, turning over to cuddle a little longer, except that the other side of your bed is empty. You blink away the sleepiness in your eyes, and pout at the lack of Jedi in your sheets. Your nose is quick to pick up the scent of freshly brewed caf however, and the grogginess is quickly forgotten as you get out of bed and make your way to the kitchen, where Cal is preparing breakfast. 

After a quick meal and lots of stolen kisses, Cal announces it's time to go check out Greez's smuggler tunnel to find that gyro. 

“Be careful,” is the last thing you tell him before he leaves. 

“Always,” he shoots back at you with a wink and takes off. You playfully roll your eyes at that, thinking back to the countless times on the Mantis you've had to patch him up after a mission inevitably went astray from the original plan.

While Cal is looking for parts for the Mantis, you go back to your own things, checking in on Connor and the nekkos at the stable, as well as preparing some pelts and sewing up your most recent leather project. 

Time goes by fast as you skilfully work the needle and thread through the thick material, finishing the piece after a couple of hours. Setting it aside, you stretch your arms and back with a satisfied grunt. You check to see if your comms are working; they are, but there's no new messages. Strange, you think, Cal sure is taking his time to find that gyro. Is he not back yet? 

Suddenly feeling uneasy by your own thoughts of how he might have got lost in the tunnels, or how he may have encountered trouble down there, you decide to go check with Greez yourself. 

You quickly make your way to the Saloon, going down the stairs that lead to the bar with such speed that when you reach the end and see someone standing there, you bump into them before you can stop yourself. 

“Whoa,” a deep voice exclaims at the impact, and you push yourself away from the man's back you just ran into. He turns around slightly towards you. “You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry, didn't see you there” you reply, regaining your composure and walking around him to get a better look. 

He's not super tall, but he has a strong and broad build. Although you already felt that when you bumped into him and it was like walking into a wall. You give him a quick up-and-down, trying to gauge if he's friend or foe, but you can't quite read him. He narrows his eyes at you ever so slightly, probably doing the same.

“A new face, how rare,” you start, walking over to the bar and leaning on it with one arm. Your other hand finds its way to your hip, where you realise there is no holster or weapon; you mentally reprimand yourself for leaving your staff at the stable. 

“Care for a drink?” asks Monk from behind you. 

“No, I'm looking for someone,” the man says. 

“Of course you are,” Monk replies with sarcasm. You give the bartender droid a nod; you'll take care of this. As he wheels back into the kitchen, you hear him mutter something about how his bar isn't a lost and found counter. Before the stranger can go on however, the doors at the back of the saloon whoosh open.

“Who's this?” asks Greez as he enters the main room.

“I was just about to ask him,” you reply, your eyes still trained on the man.

“I'm looking for Cal Kestis,” the man in question says instead, and your hand on the bar involuntarily curls into a fist.

“Who? Kal Restis?” Greez asks as he approaches him. “We don't know any Kales. Listen, if you're not gonna order something, get out of my saloon.”

“No, not Kale”, the man says, getting slightly exasperated as he repeats the name slower, and Greez keeps getting it wrong on purpose. 

Just as you're about to intervene and send the man away, the entrance doors open and in comes Cal, a soft smile of self-satisfaction on his face. 

“Cal!” The man greets the Jedi. You hear Greez mutter “Oh, this Cal Kestis” under his breath as they clearly recognise each other.  

“I found the gyro,” Cal announces first, throwing a small mechanical part to Greez, who's taken by surprise but still catches it. Then he turns to the intruder with a smile. “You made it!”

“Good to see you, Cal,” he replies, and the two share a friendly handshake.

“Greez Dritus, this is Bode Akuna,” Call starts introductions, telling this Bode your name as well. You merely give him a short nod in acknowledgment as Cal continues. “He was on Coruscant. Wouldn't have made it out alive without his help.”

Oh, that changes things. 

You leave your spot at the bar and drop your rather cold gaze to join the group. Coming to stand next to Cal, you take his hand, and try your best to give Bode a thankful smile. He returns it, quickly catching on. 

“Wait a minute. Another one?” Greez quips, looking behind Cal. You were so focused on Bode, that you hadn't even noticed the strange looking droid that came in with the redhead. “Cal, you have a very bad habit of picking up strays.”

“I am ZN-A4,” the droid introduces herself with an exaggerated bow. The design and material she’s made of is something you’ve never seen before. “Humble servant of the Jedi Order.”

What.

“Oh, I take it you haven't broken the news yet,” Bode says to Cal, who sheepishly shrugs his shoulders. 

Cal then brings everyone up to speed, telling you how when he was in the tunnels with BD, they stumbled upon this old chamber where the droid was stuck, so they freed her. Turns out she's a droid that belonged to a Jedi from the High Republic, of all things. Her master, Sandari, had sent her to activate the so-called forest array (that strange building the other side of the river that doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the scenery; you've always wondered what it was but never found a way to get in). However, Zee, as everyone started calling the droid, is in really bad shape, and she'll never make it that far. She looks dejected as she says that if she fails her mission, then the key to Tanalorr may be lost forever. 

At the mention of the name, Greez chimes in, telling the group that there's an old prospector legend about Tanalorr being a world filled with treasure. But treasure or not, the important part is that it seems to be a real place, one potentially beyond where the Empire can reach: a safe haven. 

Zee is delighted and very thankful that everyone seems on board with her mission, and the group is quick to formulate a plan: while Monk gets her up to speed regarding the state of, well, everything, and she gets some much-needed repairs, Bode and Greez will take care of the Mantis. Meanwhile, Cal, BD and you will go to the forest array to check it out. 

As you're making your way to the stables, you nudge into Cal's side with your elbow.

“You didn't get hurt down there or anything, right? You sure took your time,” you ask him. It did not go unnoticed by you how in Cal's retelling of events, he skilfully left out how he happened to find that mysterious chamber in the first place. 

“The tunnels were pretty old and unstable, but we're okay,” Cal deflects, shooting the droid a quick look. “Right BD?”

BD beeps in response, and you shoot Cal a glare accompanied by a muted gasp, stopping in your tracks.

“You fell through a hole the equivalent of several stories?!” You can't believe this guy. 

“It's fine!” Cal tries to reassure you, bringing his hands up to your shoulders. “I promise, it's nothing a stim didn't already fix. So there’s no need to worry, okay? We have a job to do.”

You sigh in defeat as he places a soft kiss on your forehead. You first cup his face softly, then pinch both his cheeks.

“Just what am I going to do with you, Cal Kestis?” you ask rhetorically, taking his hand into yours and resuming the short trek to where Connor is already waiting and waving at you both. 

Once you're all geared up and hop into the saddle, you tighten the strap of your staff, adjusting its position on your back.

“Just like old times, huh?” you ask at no one in particular, scanning your surroundings and taking in the scenery; it just never gets old. Cal's nekko trots up next to you.

“Just like old times,” he repeats, with that boyish smile you can't get enough of, and the glint of adventure in his eyes. 

Your nekkos take off, and the freckles on his face seem to shine in the sunlight. They form the ever familiar star map that you'd follow time and time again, finding your way back to him. Because from the first time you looked at him, you knew: you'd follow this man across the galaxy and beyond.

— — —

A/N 2: if you understand the droid name reference you get a cookie 🍪

A/N 3: in the book Battle Scars there’s a part where BD tells Cal, and i quote, “Where you go, I go”, and when i tell you that i screamed omg (the first part of my “wherever you go, i go” fic was actually called ‘where’ but i changed it to ‘wherever’ when i added more chapters because to me it sounded better asdsdf) BD-1 and me sharing one brain cell obsessed with Cal fr😌

~~~~~

🐥 taglist: [link to join in my pinned post!] @dybynyght, @galaxtic-writings, @kalea-bane, @soka-writes-things, @padawancat97, @riddikulus-obsessions, @optimisticprime3, @starilicious, @ivelostmyabilitytoeven, @alternatescififandomelover

#goose feathers #cal kestis x reader #star wars cal x reader #jedi fallen order x reader #jedi survivor x reader #star wars x reader

[winchester-girl67]

Wild Hearts (Part 5) - Six Years After Dean Left

Summary: It's been nearly six years since Dean and the reader became friends. Now that they finally have a chance to reunite he's desperately hoping for a chance at the love they denied themselves in the past. 

Masterlist

Pairing: AU!Dean x reader 

Square: “All I wanted was a happy ending.” 

Word Count: 3,137 

Warnings: age gap (reader is 21-22, Dean is 26-27), time jump, mentions of physical abuse by a parent/violence/death, pining, a hint of jealousy, protective!Dean, kissing/cuddling, fluffy fluff fluff 

A/N: These two are adorably irresistible together. Ultimately decided to post the rest of this series in the order I wrote it because I feel it reads better. 

_____ 

Six years after Dean left. 

The town you once thought would never feel like home had grown on you since Dean. That’s how you thought of him, as if Dean was a fixture in time, in your past; a turning point. And he was. So you hadn’t stayed in hopes of his return, it had been six years after all since he left. You stayed because it was home. 

Your brother eventually moved to the city, with that blonde you thought it would never work out with, and now you saw him on weekends when they dropped by for dinner and a day at the beach. They didn't have any plans for getting married or having kids though, and that was fine, they were just young and in love, or lust depending on who you asked.

You still lived at home for the time being to save money while you commuted to finish off your final year of college. You liked life by the beach. It was simple and though it could get crowded with tourists in the summer months, you wouldn't trade it for the bustling city life.

Summers were spent working with Cas at his local art gallery. He needed help during the busy season and he lacked the people skills he needed to sell his creations. His family had helped him acquire the place since they were well off and you were pleasantly surprised at his handiwork. He turned out the most beautiful carvings and sculptures from driftwood and found objects he'd picked up from the beach.

You didn't regret taking a gap year to figure out what you wanted to study and you settled on a degree in Business. In your spare time, you volunteered at the youth group in town that you and Benny organized together. He had been all in when you proposed the idea to him and you both wanted to create a safe place for kids -both like and unlike Sam and Dean- to go to for support. Even if that just meant playing board games, making crafts, or taking them sand surfing for an afternoon so they'd have a place to go where they wouldn't get into trouble.

Dean was pretty proud of you when you told him about it and promised to visit back in February. But he never made it out and you lost contact for a bit after that. You guessed life got in the way, but it made you a little sad.

You still loved getting his postcards though and had been on the tips of your toes ever since the latest one arrived a couple months ago. He'd written that he was 'coming home' and 'soon' but he didn't say when. So when your mom handed you a postcard that afternoon, you nearly leapt out of your skin.

There was no stamp so you figured he had hand delivered it and he'd written, '...meet me under our streetlamp...' your heart beat so fast it felt as though it would fly away if it wasn't held in by your ribcage.

You had bought a new dress in the hopes of seeing him after his last postcard and rushed into your room to throw it on. Every time he'd seen you was in jeans and boxy t-shirts and even though you knew he didn't care, you wanted to look nice.

Sure it was a little chilly outside, but the length of the dress reached your ankles and you wore leggings underneath, a light jean jacket overtop and sneakers, because heels take balance. Which you didn't have. Then with a glance in the mirror, you dashed out the door towards your truck, still the same ridiculous burnt orange colour as the day you got it. 

You pulled into the empty parking lot of the pier, instantly spotting the mint-condition, shiny black Impala. You parked beside Baby, but Dean wasn’t in the driver’s seat and the engine was cold when you hopped out of your truck and felt the hood with your palm. You peered inside, not a single takeout bag or ketchup packet in sight. Not that he didn't eat that type of food but he kept her tidy like she deserved. 

Backing away from Baby you noted her brand new-old headlight and the lack of dents in the front bumper. Dean must've finally found those parts he was checking every salvage yard for. 

You turned on your heel and glanced down the lot, spying Donna’s ice cream shop; it was around the same time of year you met Dean which meant the shops would be closing soon for the winter. You smiled and looked across to the bench that sat under the streetlamp. Your spot from that night six years ago. 

A man sat on the bench staring out at the horizon as a sailboat headed towards the harbour in the distance. He turned his gaze as though he felt your eyes on him and squinted, then stood up.

You thought you'd recognize Dean anywhere, but you couldn't remember the last time you video chatted and when you had, the connection was too fuzzy to see anything other than frozen pixels. You stepped slowly towards the man, giving him a squint of your own eyes and tilting your head. Mirroring him when he smiled.

"Y/N?" He called over the distance and you'd recognize that deep voice anywhere. Dean. 

You ran towards him with a beaming smile and jumped into his arms, knocking him back a step. His hands clutched your waist and he lifted you and spun you around as he laughed.

"I almost didn't recognize you. Are you wearing a dress?" Dean chuckled and set you on your feet.

Your cheeks burned, "Well, I remember you were a big fan of the skirt." You teased him about the time he saw you in your school uniform and his cheeks burned just as red. "What's this?" You brushed his jawline with your fingertips, feeling the stubble against your skin.

Dean's neck flushed under your touch, "Uh, yeah. I probably should've shaved again before I came here but I didn't want to take a chance at missing you."

"I dunno, I think it kinda suits you," you shrugged, unable to keep your smirk to yourself. "Your beard was practically nonexistent when we met."

"I don't think you wanna talk about things that were practically nonexistent when we met." His eyes dropped to your chest for half a second.

You gasped and shoved him in the shoulder and he burst out laughing. You couldn't help but notice the natural tone in his muscles and how much broader he'd gotten.

"You grew up." You squeezed Dean's shoulders, barely able to get your hands around them now. 

"I should be saying that about you." He sucked his lip as he looked you over. "Seriously, though. Did you get taller?" 

"Yeah, sure. Let's call it taller," but you knew what he really meant. You grew into your body and you owned it now even if you still dressed like you were a sixteen-year-old tomboy most days, but you weren't afraid to throw on a dress every now and again for special occasions, like today. 

It was a bit of a gloomy day but there was enough warmth in the way he looked at you that you didn't care.

You grabbed his hand and tugged him to sit on the bench with you. "I missed you."

"We text almost everyday, Y/N." He smiled. "And talk as much as possible."

"Not for a while now. You kind of ghosted me after Valentine's day." You said, still holding his hand and playing with his fingers between yours. "I should be more mad at you, but I missed you too much, I couldn't not come meet you if I tried."

"It wasn't fair to you," he squeezed your fingers in his, "I’m sorry, Y/N. If it’s any consolation, I missed you every minute.” He bit his bottom lip like he did often. "But we both know we couldn’t be together back then-”

“All I wanted was a happy ending for you, Dean." You cut him off and waved your hand. "And Sam, and you guys have that now, in California. I'm so happy for you."

"Yeah," he breathed and brushed his hair back, not that he needed to, it was much shorter now. "About that. I'm not going back." You dropped your jaw and pushed your brows together. "With my father gone, there's really no reason to stay away anymore," he grabbed your hand and clutched it to his chest, "And every reason in the world to stay right here."

"But won't you miss Sam?"

"Of course, but he has Jess now and he doesn't need me anymore. I think for once in my life, I'm going to do something completely selfish and, despite some painful memories, I've always loved this town. It's where my mother grew up and had my brother and me. She taught me to ride my bike on this pier, I have the scar on my knee to prove it and I taught Sammy four years later. My friends are here, you're here. I don't think I need much more of a reason than that."

You stared at him and opened your mouth, then closed it, speechless, and he smiled.

"Y/N, when I picture myself happy, it's with you. In this town, with this ocean and that ice cream," he pointed to Donna's across from where you sat on the bench. "I wanna settle down, have a family with you; raise our kids in a house that's a home and have a happy little existence with my dream girl by my side."

"I'm your dream girl?" You blinked up at him.

"You've been starring in my dreams for longer than I care to admit. And now here we are. Same spot as the first night we met. Sam is safe and I don't have to deal with my prick of a father anymore. You're almost twenty-two, I'm twenty-six and the five years between us is just that."

"Um, Dean..." you bit the inside of your cheek and he deflated.

"You're with someone, aren't you?" He asked and you nodded twice, trying to hide a smirk. "That makes sense. You're beautiful and smart and strong and I never had a chance. The timing is always gonna be wrong for us and I shouldn't have expected-" He sighed and rubbed his knuckles like they were split, but this time they weren't. "He better treat you right."

"I love you."

"Huh?" His green eyes flicked up to meet yours and you let the smirk take over.

"I love you." You repeated.

"I don't think your boyfriend would appreciate that, Y/N." He shook his head, his breath heavy.

"Oh, I don't think he'll mind." You leaned into him and let your lips connect in a quick kiss. Dean was so stunned he didn't move and you whispered, "In case you didn't catch on, I'm talking about you."

He bit his lip and laughed silently. "I think you made that painfully obvious, sweetheart. But, way to give a guy a heart attack."

You didn't set out to wait for Dean, but you weren't about to settle for any less either. And keeping in touch over the years kept those feelings alive; like feeding fuel to a flame and you could feel the fire in your belly.

You kissed him again, "You made me wait."

"It wasn't easy for me either," he cupped your cheek and brushed your skin with the pad of his thumb. "And I love you, too, Y/N, more than you’ll ever know.” 

He wet his lips and pressed them to yours. The heat from his mouth warming your skin and his hand tangling in your hair. It wasn't your first kiss with Dean but somehow, it felt like it was. It was the beginning of something real, with nothing to hold you back and keep you away from each other.

A butterfly sprung to life from the fires in your stomach and you drew back, "So, what now?"

"What do you mean?" He brushed your hair behind your ear.

"What happens now? Do you move into your father's old house?" You asked.

It had been sitting empty since him and Sam left and now that John was dead, everything was in their names. It wasn't something that Dean ever wanted to talk about but you'd found out that John finally picked a fight with someone big enough to fight back. 

"I'll burn it to the ground before I move back there." He almost laughed though he was completely serious. You couldn't imagine the painful memories that place held for him; they overpowered anything nice their mother had been a part of creating there. You couldn't blame him for not wanting to go back. "Cas and Benny said I could stay with them, they have a spare room and it'll give me time to sell off the house and find a place of my own. And maybe if I'm lucky, by then I won't have to move in alone?" He cocked an eyebrow at you that held a thousand questions.

"That depends," you sighed and glanced away from him, then back.

"On?" He smiled, knowing you were teasing him again.

"Whether you snore when you sleep, duh." You rolled your eyes playfully.

"I'll buy you earplugs." He kissed your cheek, then your lips.

_____

Four months after Dean came back.

It was cold outside, freezing actually and snowing heavily. If this wasn’t the last of the boxes, you and Dean would’ve waited to bring in the rest. You plopped down onto the floor in the living room amongst the many other stacked boxes. You’d accumulated more than you thought over the past few years, but you didn’t think it was that much until now. Dean set his box on top of the others and ignored it when they started to lean, opting to lie next to you on the floor and risk getting crushed by cardboard and clothing instead.

He rolled onto his side and propped his head on his hand. He gazed at you and reached out to brush the snow from your eyelashes.

You closed your eyes.

It was a cute little two story house that Dean had found with a wraparound porch, no walkway, and a big backyard. The house itself needed a lot of work, Dean saw nothing but potential and thought it was a steal. You had to agree and you weren't opposed to rolling your sleeves up and putting a little elbow grease into the place you would eventually call home. 

When he first told you that your dad had helped him get a job in mechanics at Sandover Bridge and Iron, you were surprised to say the least. You always said you would never date a man whose job took precedence when it didn’t need to and you worried Dean would overwork himself to prove his worth to your father. But your father had figured out his work-life balance since you were a teenager and if he could do it then so could Dean; so you made an exception as if it was ever an option to walk away. Besides Dean always made it home for dinner and honestly without him, your new home together would just be a house. 

What you had with him only came around once in a lifetime, you knew because you never felt the same about anyone else. Not even close. 

You opened your eyes. 

Dean looked at you like he could see your whole future together. Like nothing could tear you apart. And nothing would because you would never give up on each other.

"What are you thinking?" You asked even though you were pretty sure you already knew.

"That it's midnight and we'll very likely be snowed in by morning," he leaned over you and you felt his weight as he kissed you. "And we don't have a shovel."

"Benny could come dig us out," you breathed and he pressed his forehead to yours. "He owes you for fixing up his Jeep anyways."

"Mm," his lips brushed over yours, "I can't believe he still has that thing. Too bad we don't have a way of calling him, though."

"What are you talking about? I have my phone right here," you pulled your cell from your pocket but Dean took it and tossed it out of reach.

"Oops, guess we'll just have to stay stranded." He smirked and you laughed as he pecked kisses to your cheeks, squirming when his lips reached your neck, "Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart."

You opened your mouth to speak but he silenced you with a kiss until you were breathless, then he started working over your neck with his tongue. You giggled and laughed until you twisted out from under him with a red spot on your pulse point. 

This moment was perfect with him, but incomplete. There was only one thing missing to make it feel like home.

"Which box is the hammer in?"

"I think that one," he pointed to the box near the doorway, "Why?"

You pushed on his chest when he tried to kiss you again and he rolled off you, watching you curiously. You jumped up and dug around in the box until you found it and a nail, then grabbed the framed photograph you'd set aside in a box of breakables. He sat up and smiled when he recognized the frame.

It was the gift he'd given you before he left six years ago. The selfie of the two of you during your day of sand surfing. It was the first thing you'd hung on your wall back home and you wanted it to be the first thing you hung up in this house, too. Your home with Dean.

Over the years, you went from loving that photograph to hating it and back to loving it. You knew it was contingent on the way you were feeling about Dean at those times, but you never took it down. Until he asked you to move in with him, then it was the first thing you packed.

You curled your finger at him and he followed you into the master bedroom. You hung the photograph on the wall and dropped the hammer when Dean wrapped his arms around you from behind, swaying you back and forth; he smiled as brightly as he did the moment the photo was captured. 

Dean looked at the photograph with you and dropped his chin to your shoulder. 

"Love you," he kissed your cheek. "You make me stupidly happy, do you know that?" He kissed your neck, making you giggle.

"You make me stupidly happy, too."

_________________________

Part 6

_________________________ Dean: @akshi8278 @laycblack @thoughts-and-funnies @mrsjenniferwinchester @crustycheeks @kazsrm67 @sexyvixen7 @lyarr24 @suckitands33  @eliwinchester99 @yvonneeeee @igotmajordaddyissues @djs8891 @leigh70 @globetrotter28 @backseat-of-deans-67chevy

SPN: @hobby27

Wild Hearts: @justrealizedimmascifygurl @evieluvsjamie @kimberkingrivers @vicmc624 @ladysparkles78

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x y/n #au!dean x reader #dean x y/n #dean x you #dean x reader #dean winchester #spn fanfic series #dean x #dean winchester x #au!dean winchester x reader #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural dean #dean winchester series #spn series #dean series #spn reader insert #wild hearts series

[muffinsin]

how about some angst with no comfort? How would the sisters react to their female s/o dying in child birth? Would they blame their child? Blame themselves because they impregnated her and because the child would be infected with the Cadou because of them?

-rambunctious anon

Some more angst hm?👀 This got a bit more comfort in it tho cuz I know those 3 would still be good mamas! there ya go everyone!🙌

Masterlist 1

Masterlist 2

Bela

She is lost for words when she hears you died giving birth. She can’t even process it

For minutes, she stares off into space as she attempts to process it. She just can’t find words or gather her thoughts

She feels sad, and shocked, when it hits her

Then, anger washes over her

She refuses to see your child at first, but this is almost immediately shut down and exposed as nonsense by Alcina

The moment Bela is handed your child, this view changes entirely

The little thing has your eyes

Sporting your eyes and her blonde-golden hair, Bela can’t help but cry and hug the little one close

She’s careful, as if worried she will hurt the little bundle in her arms

The pain she feels doesn’t go away- won’t, for a long time

She feels this pain every time she gazes into her child’s eyes

Still, Bela wants to be strong for her little one. They’re her priority now

In a way, they are a memory of you. Something to remember you by

She wont allow anything to happen to her child. She is protective as hell and will not part with her precious child for the world

Also, Bela is never hesitant to tell stories of you to her little one

At one point she nearly spirals into a pit of self loathing and depression, blaming herself for it all

Her sisters stick by her side to talk this nonsense out of her

With their help, and Alcina’s help, she recovers eventually, no matter how bad it hurts her

Her love for her little one keeps her going

She takes on nutrients to nurse them, and therefore must eat plenty to keep herself healthy.

She cleans to avoid her little one inhaling dust, and takes showers and baths when she washes her precious baby

In a way, your child, what is left of you, still saves her even when she has lost you

Cassandra

Lost, is the most accurate word to describe her

She can’t believe it

She stands by your side, and desperately attempts to bring you back alive

Deep down she knows it’s futile, but she refuses to think of this

After a long hour, she at last comes to the realisation of being helpless. She can’t change what happened

And she fully blames herself. What was she thinking, impregnating you?! Having you bear a cadou-infected baby?!

Her eyes widen at this, remembering your child

She was so busy trying to bring you back to her, she hasn’t even spared the little thing a glance

Sudden fear fills her- what if she’s lost your shared child too?!

Upon storming out of the room and finding the tiny thing in Bela’s arms, she immediately feels more at ease

She truthfully has no idea how to hold the infant. She feels utterly lost, thrown into parenthood without you to guide her

Bela teaches her to adjust her arms and hold the tiny thing. Thankfully, Cassandra learns very quickly

She develops something of a separation anxiety from your baby. She’s scared the child will too be taken from her if she isn’t with them constantly

And so Cassandra sticks with her tiny one 24/7, feeding them and doing her best to try to understand what random cries mean

Speaking of, she is a full sobbing mess at times. She can’t handle the many emotions she feels upon having to raise this child on your own

As time passes, she recognises you in the tiny one. In their smile, their facial features and expressions. It has her smile and cry at the same time

She too, will eventually heal. Still, you are always a sore topic to her- she can never truly get over what happened

Daniela

She’s gleeful when she holds the tiny baby in her arms, giggling and tapping their tiny button nose

She loves their tiny nose, it resembles her own. And their eyes! Golden, just like hers

Their little hands grab at her and she feels so much joy!

She doesn’t understand her family’s grim faces. Your little baby is perfect!

When asked about you, she is told you need rest. Her sisters and mother aren’t entirely sure about telling her just yet

When a day passes, Daniela demands to see you, and they know the truth can no longer be hidden from the redhead

With Bela keeping the tiny one safe and fed, Daniela is told what happened by the rest of her family

The infant starts crying at Daniela’s loud, pained scream that rings out throughout the castle

She demands to see you, and when she does, it nearly breaks her

She doesn’t understand how this could’ve happened

She doesn’t blame her child, but herself. After all, she hasn’t thought this through in her joy to parent a child with you

Daniela is unable to feed for days. Unable to function

For days to two weeks even, she doesn’t see her little one. She can’t even get out of bed

Only when she hears her tiny one cry in the middle of the night does she rise from her bed and find the small thing in her mother’s room

She cradles them into her arms and takes a stroll through the castle. It feels, grounding, and good to get out of her room

When she sees tiny, worried eyes, she promises the little one to always look after them

She promises you, hoping you can hear her

#cassandra dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #bela dimitrescu #resident evil village #rambunctious anon

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

Not a zutarian, but I don't think bloodbending is evil. It's not a pleasant sight and shouldn't be used lightly, but it is very useful in dangerous situations, so it is strange that Katara is never allowed to embrace that side of herself

The point is not "Bloodbending is never useful" or "Hama using it to escape the Fire Nation soldiers that captured her is as bad as her using it to torture innocent people." The point is "Katara is visibly uncomfortable with the implications of doing something that completely removes someone's agency/bodily automony, and being forced to do it was not empowering to her."

To make things clearer, lets says there's two people discussing the matter of owning/not owning a gun. Person A doesn't like guns and has zero intention to ever use one. Person B knows how to shoot and has a gun in their home to use in case they need to defend themselves from an intruder. They discuss the topic at length, and:

Scenario One: They eventually decide to just agree to disagree.

Scenario Two: Person A eventually decides, of their own free will, to buy a gun and learn how to use it, just in case they ever need to defend their family from an unexpected threat.

Scenario Three: person B leaves, then shows up again with two guns - their own and one they want person A to keep in their house - and constinues to insist person A has to learn to use it. Person A refuses, so person B threatens to shoot their family, and in a moment of panic person A takes the second gun and shoots person B in a desperate attempt to save their loved ones.

The third scenario is essentially what Hama did to Katara. Her student clearly stablished a boundary (not learning bloodbending - and even then Katara wasn't judging/afraid of Hama until she found out she had not used it solely in self-defense), and Hama went out of her way to not only ignore it, but to force Katara's hand.

This is not an empowering moment, this is not Katara's "dark side" showing, this is her desperately trying to survive and to save her friends. She had basically zero agency during that moment, hence her crying after the battle, something she never did after facing any other enemy during the show.

Once again, Katara looking freaked out after using bloodbending on the wrong person and then deciding to spare her mother's killer is her version of "Zuko considered burning Zhao during their Agni Kai, but in the end didn't go through with it." Is the character rejecting the option to be completely okay with inflicting all kinds of violence on people, without care, like it's nothing to them.

Bloodbending could never be a symbol of anything positive, or even neutral, about Katara as person because the very fundamentals of it go against everything Katara stands for.

#anti zutara #katara meta #bloodbending

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Best of QL 2023: Favorite Lines

Okay well, I was going to spare everyone (and myself) from having to choose between all the pre-2023 shows I binged this year, but @twig-tea wanted more pain and suffering so here it goes:

Top Five Pre-2023 Lines that Lived Rent-Free In My Brain This Year:

"I don't want to see him sad." -Oh'Aew, I Told Sunset About You, Ep. 5

Okay so you see, my real problem here is that my favorite parts of ITSAY, the things that stay in my head rent free. No. The things I pay to stay in my head because I love them so much are the things that happen in the silence. Beginning of Ep 3, end of Ep 3, the kiss in Ep 4, the wrestling at the end of Ep 2. Those aspects, those moments are what absolutely destroyed me with this show. But I am gonna be real with you all, when Bas let Oh go like that? I wept. And I do love what it says about Oh that despite how much he has been hurt by Teh, he loves Teh enough to know how utterly devasted Teh is right now, and he cannot bear the pain of seeing someone he loves so hurt. Especially when he and Teh haven't spoken since Teh gave up his seat.

"You're tired, aren't you?" -Mork, My Ride, Ep. 5

If you saw my Favorite Lines 2023 post you would notice that this line is very very similar to my favorite line in Moonlight Chicken. And that is because loving and caring for people is super fucking exhausting. Meeting the world with kindness and grace and radical empathy in the face of horrible things, in the face of people who think you are weak for your kindness, or who seek to take advantage of it is fucking exhausting. And it is honestly quite rare that I see kind characters being asked this question, so I always go feral when they do because it is such a testament to love to say 'i see you' but to grant people enough space and autonomy to decide how honest and vulnerable they are going to let themselves be. I was talking with @ginnymoonbeam about this line a little so I am going to steal a line from her: "have you eaten" = I love and care for you

"are you tired" = I see how much you love and care for me/others

Of course the fact that Tawan absolutely just melts in to a puddle of tears because yes, yes he is tired, so so fucking tired does absolutely nothing to help me stop thinking about this scene. I love my boys!

"Because you raised me this way, that's why I'm not like other kids" || "I had to hate Pran, to compete against him, because of you? That's the reason? -Pran || Pat, Bad Buddy, Ep. 10

I cheated here. I do not care. These lines come almost one right after another and are just the same level of one-two gut punch that makes Bad Buddy so fucking incredible. Pat and Pran have been through so much because their parents were trying to save face. All the pain they have suffered, the lies they've had to tell, the caution, the fear, the secrecy in their relationship. How long Pran has had to keep his feelings for Pat at bay, how much Pat is sacrificing to let Pran maintain a good relationship with his mother, is all because their parents have decades old beef. There are so many good lines in this show, if I were to pick another one it would be "do you want to be friends?" "no" from Episode 5, but I feel like no lines sum up the conflict of Bad Buddy better than Pran and Pat confronting their parents.

"You must be disappointed in me." -Wang, 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us, Ep 7

Ok so I lied about this one, the line that absolutely stays in my head rent free is the line "Mom." Wang sobs after his fight with In in Episode 8 but I had a legitimate 30 minute melt-down over that singular line and moment so I am picking one of the next most painful lines for me. And if it wasn't this it would be the entirety of the 52 Hertz Whale monologue that In gives in Episode 3 because that is the saddest gayest monologue for the saddest gayest man. And if it wasn't those it would be the boy in boarding school monologue Wang gives in Episode 5. Honestly this entire script, and this entire show is with me always.

BUT what absolutely kills me about this line in particular is that Swasimol tries to shake her head no, and can't bring herself to lie, and Wang watches his mother nod in confirmation that she is disappointed in him when he tells her he is in love with In. And that's the part that is truly crushing.

"I know you're hurting," -Shiro, What Did You Eat Yesterday?

GOD. THEY MAKE ME SO. AGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH. Honestly a huge fuck you to @bengiyo for introducing this show to me, this brain rot is 1000% his fault.

There is something just so fascinating to me about Kenji and Shiro's dynamic especially around how they handle and navigate their queerness. Kenji is loud and out and proud and while we don't know if there was time his mother had to work up to it, we know that Kenji's mother is pretty accepting of Kenji being gay. But Shiro didn't have that same experience, and he is quiet, and struggling with internalized homophobia, and decently rooted in the closet. And I think when you have a character like Kenji who rarely seems to take the insults and the jabs to heart, who is just the human embodiment of sunshine you can forget that Kenji is human, and Kenji uses his sunshine as armor the way that Shiro uses his silence.

Shiro never says I love you to Kenji, in the first season he rarely engaged in any level of physical affection, and kept a distance from Kenji if they were walking together in public. But Shiro loves Kenji so goddamn much, so so fucking much, and while he can't bring himself to say the words it is in moments like this one, where Shiro knows despite the fact that Kenji hasn't given any indication, that Kenji is hurt by the fact that Shiro's mother rescinded his New Year's invitation.

Shiro and Kenji mean everything to me.

If anyone is curious about any other favorites (shows, cinematography, pain, etc) from this year, feel free to drop an ask!

#i told sunset about you #bad buddy #bad buddy series #180 degree #180 degree longitude passes through us #what did you eat yesterday? #kinou nani tabeta? #my ride the series #best of ql 2023

[animeismyhappyplace]

Battle Scars and Love Confessions

This is my own work! Please do not repost or translate without permission! Minors DNI or you'll be blocked, thank you!

Tachihara Michizou x Female Reader Smut

Word count: 3,208

Warnings: Pet names, cursing, female and male receiving oral, 69 sex position, probably slight OOC Tachihara

Y/N and Tachihara have been on a important mission for Mori scouting another ability organisation when Tachihara becomes injured trying to save his partner. As she helps patch him up feelings are revealed and it leads to a spicy evening spent together.

Y/N and Tachihara Michizou have been on an undercover mission for weeks scouting out a rival organisation for Mori however it turns out they've been being watched themselves. The organisations ability users landed an attack on the duo which led to Tachihara receiving a cut across his chest while trying to protect Y/N. The pair have finally made it to her apartment where they can tend to his wound.

"Fuck... Can you help me with this Y/N? It hurts so fuckin' bad" Tachihara grunts out as he applies pressure to his chest to stem the bleeding. "Shit shit... One second" She hisses out as she rushes them into her apartment, setting Tachihara down on her sofa as she gets out her first aid kit "I need to clean it alright? So it doesn't get infected" She looks at him for a moment before applying some alcohol rub to a clean cloth and starts to gently dab at the open wound.

The man sucks in a breath through gritted teeth "Shit... Thanks..." He sighs softly as he watches her work, feeling grateful for her help. His eyes wander over her body as she works, admiring how beautiful she was despite being covered in his blood. It made him feel even more helpless than usual. Y/N nods her response trying not to focus on the fact that her crush in half naked in front of her as she focuses on cleaning the cut as best she can without interrupting the start of the healing process "You doing okay? Other than you know... The obvious?" She asks carefully while working "Yeah," He answers honestly, not wanting to burden her any further than necessary. "It's just really painful." He winces slightly as she cleanses the wound.

"I know I'm sorry" She frowns as she finishes up, throwing the bloody rags into a rubbish bag before wrapping a clean bandage around his chest "You need to be more careful next time" She scolds him gently "Sorry" he mumbles quietly, embarrassed by his own brash actions. He tries to ignore the throbbing sensation from his wound, focusing instead on thanking her once again for taking care of the injury. She sighs softly before rubbing his leg gently from her place on the floor "You don't gotta apologise just... Please be more careful. I don't like seeing my best friend hurt" The woman before him smiles sadly "I will" He promises solemnly, trying to reassure her that he will not end up in this situation again.

Nodding she moves to throw away her used supplies "You gonna be able to get home in this state? I kinda feel like you should stay here tonight so you've got someone watching you" She suggests joining him on the sofa "Thanks" he says gratefully as he watches her move around the small apartment "You can take my bed and I'll stay here on the sofa" She grabs and spare pillows and blankets laying them down on the floor "There's no way I'm taking your bed! If I'm sleeping in your bed then you're staying with me!" He protests firmly, sitting up quickly grunting a little in the process at the pain in his chest and grabs her arm pulling her towards him "We both need some rest after our mission and all the bullshit we went through today" He tells her stubbornly.

She flushes at his words "We can't Tachi... You'd see me in a vulnerable state, What if I'm an awful person to sleep beside and I hurt you" She giggles nervously "Aww come on..." He whines playfully, leaning back against the sofa "It won't kill us to spend one night in the same bed" The ginger haired man winks at her teasingly, hoping to ease her worries about being alone with him in such close proximity. "O-Okay if you're sure you don't mind" Y/N gulps down her nerves at being in a bed with the man she's had a huge crush on since he joined the Port Mafia "I think I've got some of your old clothes stashed here somewhere from previous missions".

He nods happily as he waits for her to find something comfortable for him to wear, as he sits there silently watching her search through the closet he tries to ignore how hot she makes him feel "Do you have anything you want to talk about since we're alone?" He asks softly, curious about her thoughts on their relationship, he's never been sure if the woman before he reciprocates his feelings. She finally finds him some comfy clothes to sleep in and let's him change in peace before tilting her head to the side as she thinks once he rejoins her "Like what Tachi?" He smirks at her question, his heart skiping a beat when he sees her looking at him admiringly.

"I don't think I've got anything to ask you, how about you? Do you have any questions for me?" She smiles at him reassuringly. He looks at her blankly for a moment before huffing out a shaky breath "I was thinking about us"

"Us? What about us Tachi? I'm confused" She looks at him with her brows furrowed, he blinks at her confusedly before frowning "You truly don't know?" He clicks his tongue as he watches her nod "Y/N I LIKE you... I like like you" He stutters out turning away from her as he blushes a dark red he didn't think he would have to spell it out for her like that.

Her eyes widen slightly as she lets out a shaky breath "O-Oh... I didn't realise" She mutters as she blushes as dark as her male companion "Well that's good because... I like you too" She looks down away from his eyes as he takes a deep breath before looking back at her "Well that's a relief" He chuckles as he shakes his head "You gonna let me take you out when we're next free, like on a date?" He smiles at her hopefully. Y/N smiles blindingly at him and nods enthusiastically "I'd love to go on a date with you Tachi!". He grins widely at her enthusiasm before nodding "Good! Then we'll make sure to plan something special for our first date~" He winks at her playfully as she giggles watching the man she admires so much "Is it gonna be awkward that we're spending a night in the same bed?" She bites her lip as she looks up at him.

He laughs lightly at her comment "No way, we're both adults after all." He says with a smirk "Besides, who would ever want to sleep alone anyway?" He leans his arm against the edge of the sofa behind them and puts an arm around her shoulder affectionately pulling her closer "That's true I'd much rather sleep beside you" She curls her arms around his neck playing with the baby hairs that sit at the edge of his hair line. His face lights up as he hears this and wraps his other arm around her waist "So what are our plans tonight then?" He asks softly as he moves a hand down to rub her thigh gently while smirking at her "Well I suppose that's up to you Tachi" She grins mischievously at him before pulling his face down to gently kiss his lips.

He kisses her back deeply savoring every second of their passionate embrace before breaking off the kiss and smiling lovingly at her "What do you say we take this to the bedroom" He looks into her eyes to see her reaction "I'd really like that" She kisses him again slowly and passionately as she climbs into his lap to deepen the kiss, Tachihara can't help but release a small hiss as she bumps against his chest but recovers before Y/N can realise she momentairly hurt him. He returns her kiss eagerly wrapping his hands around her waist as they continue making out on the couch until finally he lifts her up and carrys her to the bedroom where he pulls away leaving her breathless.

Tachihara pushes her back into her bedroom wall sliding himself in-between her legs as he kisses her roughly stroking his left hand along her side as his right hand holds onto the wall as she grunts softly at the pressure against her back "Fuck Tachi... I want you" He groans softly at her words as he feels himself start to harden against her "Fuck baby... You don't know how long I've wanted to hear you say those words" Y/N nods knowing she feels exactly how he's feeling and grips the back of his head pulling him back to her lips as she slips her tongue into his mouth while pushing her clothed pussy against his groin, he moans softly as he feels her press herself against him.

Tachihara wraps his hands under her thighs and lifts her off to wall to throw her gently onto her bed "I'm going to have you screaming my name by the end of tonight" He smirks devilishly at her from the edge of her bed. He stands above her looking down lustfully as she beckons his over to her with her finger. Tachihara crawls onto the bed and stops when he's finally on top of her with his thighs caging her own in. Y/N reaches her hands up to his shoulders caressing his soft unmarked skin "I've wanted you for so long Tachi".

He leans forward kissing her deeply before breaking the kiss and staring deep into her eyes "You're mine now, forever." He says firmly before moving lower to kiss her neck gently. She smiles and repeats his sentiment back "I'm yours and you are mine Tachihara Michizou" She tilts her head backwards a little to give him more room as he starts to gently suck marks into her neck in-between kisses marking her as his own while she keens for him. He continues to mark her body slowly making sure that every inch of her was marked by his presence leaving no part untouched or unclaimed. His cock twitches slightly in anticipation of claiming her completely.

Hayley's upper body is now littered with bruising marks and soft bites as she pants softly "Stop teasing me" She whines out to him while spreading her legs open and pulling at her t-shirt, he chuckles lightly biting down on her shoulder blade "Am I taking too long baby?" He teases her playfully as he starts to strip her body of her clothing then removing his own. He appreciates her body for a moment eyes lingering on her pert nipples before leaning forward to take one of her sensitive buds into his waiting mouth

As his lips wrap around her hard nipple she lets out a soft whine at the contact "Please Tachi" She threads her fingers through his hair while he hums happily against her nipple as he licks and sucks at it sending shivers down her spine. Her pussy gets wetter by the second from just having her breasts played with. The feeling of being teased drives her crazy. He pulls away smiling at her "So needy aren't we?" He asks with a smirk stretching across his lips, she nods her head while pouting at him "Just want you" She wraps her arms around his neck, pushing him back on his haunches as she climbs into his lap.

He grins widely as she straddles him wrapping her legs around his waist. He looks up at her capturing her lips in an aggressive kiss full of tongue and heat pushing all of his untold emotions into her through their kiss, Y/N grips his neck to steady herself as she starts to grind herself down against his covered member "I can't wait to feel you baby" He groans loudly as he feels her grind against him. It sends chills throughout his entire body. He reaches up grabbing onto her hips holding them still so he can continue kissing her deeply. He breaks off their kiss panting heavily so he can slide her panties down, giving her needy pussy a little tap against her clit.

Her hips jerk slightly at his ministrations as she rolls his boxers down taking a second to admire his pretty cock springing out to meet her, precum already starting to seep out the head of his cock, his breath hitches as he watches her gaze over his length. A small moan escapes him as she gently wraps her hand around his length giving him a few short pumps "Who's teasin' now Y/N" He grunts as he tips his head back at her light touches, Y/N then suddenly climbs out of his lap to lean down and give his length soft kisses and licks.

Tachihara moans softly as he watches her tease him. He places one hand behind her head keeping her close as he lets out another low growl at her actions "Fuckin' tease" He mutters out as she smirks against his throbbing length, she moves herself back up to face him and gives him a light peck on his lips "I have an idea baby if you'll let me" She bites her lip and waits for his response. He smiles into her lips and nods "Whatcha thinkin' baby?" The woman in front of him smirks as she pushes him down onto the bed leaning over him as she gives him one last kiss before turning over to have her back facing him. She bends herself down as she hovers her pussy over his face while his cock bounches up to reach the edge of her face.

He grins as his hands wrap around her thighs pulling her pretty pussy closer digging his nails into her plush skin "I like how you think babygirl" He gives her a moment to adjust her position before he drives his tongue against her sticky lips, Y/N gasps as she feels his hot tongue prod against her waiting soppy pussy before she's reminded of her position when Tachihara pushes his hips up prodding her mouth with his length.

Y/N lets her tongue dip out of her mouth as she slowly starts to lick against his length teasingly before wrapping her lips around the head of his cock sucking greedily, his breath hitches as he feels her lips wrap around his shaft, he groans loudly feeling himself growing in her mouth "Mmm fuck yeah..." He pants heavily as he tries to keep control of himself from being too eager to please her. His tongue licks quickly against her slit, he licks up the entirety of her pussy before reaching her throbbing clit.

Her body shutters as she finally feels his tongue brush against where she really needs him, she hums lightly against his throbbing head letting the vibrations hit against his skin before she starts to take his length into her waiting mouth, licking against the underside of his cock while pushing her hips back against his face desperately. He moans softly as she takes as much of his thick cock into her mouth as she could he could feel her throat muscles tighten around his shaft as she sucked him off eagerly wanting to please him so badly.

His tongue slides harder against her hole dipping inside before licking up around her clit as he circles his tongue against her little bud making Y/N whine and moan against his length increasing her pace as she bobs her head up and down, the man beneath shudders slightly as he hears her whimper and moan loudly onto his dick, he felt her throat tighten even more around his shaft as she bobbed faster on his cock trying to get every last drop of cum out of him, his hand grips her plush thighs even tighter as he pulls her as close to his face as he can while he devours her sensitive pussy.

Tachihara starts to leave red marks on her pretty skin and he grips her so harshly getting pussy drunk on the taste of her essence, Y/N can hardly handle the sensations as her thighs start to shake from the stimulation. As she slobbers on his length she feels his cock throb against her throat while he thrusts up to fuck her face as best as he can from his position. He groans loudly as he feels her choke on his cock, his hands gripping her thighs tightly as he slammed himself deeper into her tight wet mouth fucking her face hard as he can feeling himself getting close to blowing his load as he pumps his hips faster while she takes it like the obedient little slut she is.

Y/N can feel his cock throbbing harder and faster once he starts to near his end as she realises he's close she feels him suck her clit into his mouth leathering wet licks and sucks to her abused button with determination to make her cum with him. He moans loudly as he feels her body tense up on top him, he knows that if he doesn't stop rocking his cock into her mouth soon then he would shoot his load straight down her throat, but instead of slowing down he keeps thrusting until finally he can hold back no longer and releases his hot sticky seed deep down her throat as she gulps every last drip down her slutty throat, making him moan loudly "Y... Y/N!".

She moans at his taste as she glady licks his sent cock clean, moaning loudly as he works her clit harder and faster as her thighs tremble from at attention "C'mming! I'm cumming Tachi, don't stop fuckin' me with your tongue!" She cants her hips against his face uncontrollably as she grinds her pussy down against his tongue as he works her through her organism, gripping her shaking thighs and slowly licks her throbbing slit as she comes down panting heavily.

He smiles happily as he hears her moans, knowing how much pleasure this was giving her, feeling her juices run over his lips as he continued licking her pussy, tasting her sweet nectar as he felt her orgasm wash over her, squeezing his head between her legs as he licked her cunt making sure not to miss any of her sweet juices, greedily sucking it all up.

She moans as she flops down on top of him while catching her breath "I've never cum so hard in my life" She giggles as she notices her limbs are starting to feel heavy from keeping the position up for so long. He chuckles softly as he pulls away her pussy, gently rolling her onto the bed before laying next to her still breathing heavily while looking at her and smirking.

"You didn't think we were done did you babygirl?" He bites his lip as he pulls her close to his body "I'm nowhere near being done with you" She can't help the shiver that licks up her spine with anticipation as she smiles at her lover.

Tonight was going to be a long one and she couldn't be more excited for it.

#bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd smut #bsd #chuuya x reader #bsd imagines #bungou stray dogs #Tachihara Michizou #tachihara michizou bsd #port mafia #tachihara michizou x reader #bungo stray dogs #bsd headcanons #tachihara x reader #tachihara michizou #tachihara bsd #Tachihara smut #Tachihara Michizou smut #Tachihara Michizou x reader #Bungou Stray Dogs smut #bsd hunting dogs #Bsd hunting dogs smut #bsd x y/n #Tachihara might be a little OOC I do apologise #I lust for this man so fucking much 🔥🥵

[starguardianniom]

The Emodrien and Emonette scene

Ok so yesterday while rewatching this scene something caught my attention, when Shadybug sees it's Adrien Agreste that is Claw Noir, she goes to touch his cheek and sees makeup covering the black veins on his face, and says that she should have known.

Now that is an important detail, because at first I wasn't sure what she was talking about.

Then when she detransforms and tries to make a wish, it fails and she is send crashing against the mirror and we see dark veins that now goes from her neck to her face.

If you noticed though, when she crashes into the mirror, she loses the scarf she has around her neck.

Now when she looks in the mirror she gets a sad look at seeing the veins, but doesn't seem surprised to see them there.

I'm thinking that she also had the black veins showing to her neck hence why she was wearing a scarf to hide them, and with the wish backfiring on her, it spread to her face, and now she can't cover it up.

Probably why she breaks down after that, she realise she is on a close timer and is beyond terrified of dying.

Heck now it reminds me of the line she said earlier when she and Claw Noir were fighting in the street before getting Monarch's attention, she said that she would be the one the Supreme would spare, was it because she thought the black veins were probably gonna kill her and the Supreme told her that she would be saved if she brought back the Butterfly Miraculous?

Like she wasn't aware why of how she got her veins turning black and showing but the Supreme probably promised her to take care of it if she did what she was told?

Given Claw Noir was in a similar predicament, did he put them against each other in order to give only one of them a chance at living? If he ever had any intention of curing them in the first place, which I highly doubt in all honesty.

Also, the implications of why they would get miraculouses when Betterfly outright says the Supreme gives them to those in his closest circles seems weird, until you remember that Gabriel was part of it before he betrayed the Supreme and stole 2 miraculouses, remembered it from reading about it on Tv. Tropes in the Fridge Logic section.

After that, the Supreme probably trusted his close circles less, so he decided to give miraculouses to young teens that would get themselves killed by their powers and nobody would care much, they would be desperate and eager to prove themselves while also being merciless as they were hurt and angry at the world and wanted to lash out about the unfairness of it all.

Perfect preys were Emonette and Emodrien.

Emonette only knew pain and suffering from Chloé Bourgeois and never had anyone in her life caring about her which made her a good candidate to get a miraculous, she would be happy to finally have something to defend herself, power, while also feeling important, but also her having no one close in her life would make sure her presence wouldn't be missed when she would die, apart maybe Chloé missing her favorite victim though I'm sure she would have found someone else soon enough.

Emodrien being the son of Gabriel the traitor and his mother being dead by the Supreme's hand was also a good candidate, punishing Gabriel's betrayal via proxy through his son slowly dying without any of them being none the wiser. If Gabriel hadn't went to the other universe, he might have gone to bury his own son alongside his wife soon.

So now everything falls into place.

Why Emonette and Emodrien are Shadybug and Claw Noir and not some adults like maybe an alternate André Bourgeois and Audrey Bourgeois.

#marinette dupain cheng #emonette #emodrien #emo marinette #emo adrien #ml special paris #ml special paris spoilers #ml analysis #ml angst #miraculous ladybug #ml paris spoilers #ml paris #adrien agreste #ml leaks #gabriel agreste #good gabriel agreste #shadybug and claw noir #shadybug #claw noir #mlb #meta #man this special really brought me a tons of feels and emotions and love and thank you for keeping me alive with it #ml season 5 spoilers #ml s5 spoilers #ml s5 leaks #i love those kids

[loving-jack-kelly]

personally. and this might just be me. but personally. i think that Jack and Race could both have saved enough to move on if they wanted. i think you see it in the things they have: how Jack always has art supplies just a little bit nicer than he'd be able to steal with worrying about being caught. how Race lets himself take pride in his appearance, his vest matching his pants and his pocket square always net and clean.

i think the real thing that stops them from going anywhere is loyalty and trust and the bond that comes with growing up like this. there are always older kids who can spare a nickel for dinner when a little kid has a bad day selling. there are always older kids around to patch up a skinned knee and the torn pants that come with it. there are always older kids around to promise that things will getter better, get easier, turn into something they can handle. Jack and Race both relied on those older kids when they were little, and they know there are little kids who are relying on them. and it's barely even a question, you know?

sure, they could save that quarter for themselves, or they could quietly pay Kloppmann with it to make sure everyone gets inside when it's supposed to snow. they could put those last few pennies away, or they could buy enough food to split with the kids who had a bad day. they could be saving to chase their dreams, or they could go to the doctor and get something for the ten-year-old who hasn't been able to stop coughing for two months and still needs to be out in the cold selling if he wants to survive.

and i think. personally. both Jack and Race talk a big game about it all, love to be blowhards and braggarts and act like one day, just you see, we'll leave all of you behind and find something better. but really. honestly. they and everyone know that there's something to these relationships that makes leaving a lot harder than saving money. so instead they show it in their little ways. Race is a smooth-talking gambler who could win a hand of poker against a politician and talk somebody into spending their last penny on yesterday's news, but he's also been one of these kids since he was young and scrawny and fighting to survive. how could he abandon them when they never abandoned him? and Jack is a charmer who knows just how to push the right buttons, just how to flirt and just how to make up a convincing headline, but he's been one of these kids since he lost everything and didn't know how to keep his head above water. how could he let them down when they're the only people who have never, ever let him down?

and that's why, personally. I think Jack and Race are still here because they care, not because they have to be.

#also btw. london race is the Most valid stage Race. no further questions #ben cook is wonderful. ryan breslin is wonderful. josh barnett understands smth fundamental abt race that idk if I can even articulate #the whole london cast just. they get it. i swear it's like they pulled the newsies that exist in my brain out of imagination land and into #reality lmao. especially michael's jack oh my god. oh my god his jack. anyway #newsies #jack kelly #racetrack higgins #west endsies

[laufire]

tell me more about the Bruce Wayne womb envy theory

LOL. alright then.

tbh this was mostly a joke, born from this post (+ probably influenced by the way one of my mutuals talks about david 8 in the alien prequels but that's neither here nor there xDD)

(david 8 character of all time though. I have mixed opinions on both of those films but he as the common thread uniting them is *chef's kiss*)

(also I don't really believe these men / "men" in david's case want to be pregnant but that's because I can't conceive of anyone wanting to be pregant if nature has spared them the ability to become so whether they choose to or not, but I acknowledge those are MY gender issues. bruce can have others if he wants xD)

but if I was to take it seriously and run with it, I'd relate it to how I can see bruce... wanting to have had his kids earlier in life. seeing them grow, getting to enjoy them in those early stages when they're cute and fully depend on you and don't argue back, etc. that desire would be tinted with guilt in dick's case and to a lesser extent tim's, I suppose. I've always seen dick's parents and the environment in the circus presented as a positive one for dick (I have yet to read any of that court of owls shit lol), but I do think the drake's were neglectful/emotionally distant/not people tim could rely on, just not in the way or to the extent fanon presents. otoh... well, there's an argument to be made that maybe the waynes and the drakes weren't so different, or were around the same place in the spectrum of parenting in terms of good versus bad (source: thomas backhanding bruce in batman #430), and that bruce might've had blind spots with them as a result. I have yet to read any comic where bruce judges the drakes parenting though I wouldn't be surprised if they did exist, cause he's hypocritical like that. either way, I think tim's not in the same place as dick in this scale of guilt vs. saviour complex lol.

meanwhile in jason's, cass's, and damian's cases, that wouldn't be an issue because he'd seen it as sparing them pain / saving them. which wouldn't be innacurate, although there's an argument about whether being raised by bruce would've fucked them up in other ways lol.

and ironically, I think bruce would feel this saviour complex the most with jason, despite his situation with the todds (no matter whether you believe they were shitty parents or just fellow victims of circumstance or something in between) being objectively not as much of a shitshow as being raised the way cain raised cass OR being raised within a cult with the expectation of eventually leading it, like damian.

I attribute this to how bruce's classism always made him perceive taking jason in and adopting as the act of saving jason, both from his situation and from jason's "fate" of becoming a violent criminal himself, while cass and damian came to be in bruce's care under different circumstances. and second, to how bruce perceives jason's abilities vis a vis cass's or damian's. cass and damian were trained, obviously weren't born knowing, but they are "prodigies", if only because of how young they started. bruce doesn't even seem to contemplate the possibility of them distancing themselves from the fight. moreover, jason was trained later and by him, specifically because bruce felt lonely, all of which would add a feeling of responsibility for jason's end. but most of all, due to his death (+ might makes right + just world fallacy + other such fun things), jason's abilities are perceived by bruce as lesser, and as less of an ~inherent part of him.

so, yeah, jason will always trigger his saviour complex in an extra fun way xDD

all of this to conclude that now I have this vision of bruce having a weird dream soon after jason's death where things are happy at home (his parents are alive in the dream, because that's a prerequisite for a happy one), and dick is a much younger kid than he was when they first met (it's sort of implied dick is also biologically his but not outright stated), and he's pregnant, and he knows it's with jason, who's safe and sound encased in bruce's body, where nothing can reach him.

(I wrote a bruce + grief fic very recently already but this idea is also tempting me now ñalsdjfasf)

#talking to the void #replies #kittykatninja321 #can't believe I typed all that. oh well xD #my thoughts #dc thoughts #dc #dc comics #i need to sort out my tags. i always say that but i really need to lmao #continuities and volumes and shit #bruce wayne #bat clan #favourites: you raise sons #favourites: fucked up families #jason todd

[firegirl888101]

i don’t remember if i ever sent something like this but i got an idea (kind of a self indulgent request…)

(set in the insatiable madness series) reader with younger siblings? that y’know… survive? i don’t think i could handle them dying. having to be their main caretakers now that the parents are gone. whew, poor meow meow reader, having to take care of their siblings AND 11 harbingers. esp if said siblings are really young…

maybe they stayed at home during the massacre at the mc donalds and that’s why they haven’t died, and then reader told them to hide in their room before letting the harbingers in so they wouldn’t find out (eventually they are mentioned by reader and are somewhat pestered by childe to meet them…)

I think I'll also answer a frequent question I get along with this so thanks for requesting it! @magica-ren

I've been frequently asked what happened to the children at McDonald's when the harbingers were killing everyone who wasn't Y/N. (I purposefully didn't write/mention children being at the scene for this very reason 😭)

But, thinking about it after so many people questioning it, I'll address it with some extra information that didn't make it into the chapter/view.

(maybe it did, I can't remember. Either way - the information I'm about to spill is canon to the story...)

It was a Friday afternoon, children were only just coming out of school meaning not many children/teens were at the scene. But, for the children that were in there, let's just say a certain 'Father' familiar with children convinced the other harbingers to let them run away.

As for 'The Father' letting them run away, there's a point they brought forward to save the children's lives.

"Let us not shed unnecessary blood in the company of innocent children. They will have close to no information regarding the one we are looking for, therefore, we should spare their lives."

So, yeah. To the question!:

'Reader with siblings in the Insatiable Madness series'

Originally I was going to make Y/N have a sibling or two. But, as I was planning I realised a couple problems with that.

Most readers will most likely not have siblings. (I don't for an example). When it comes to Y/N's, I like to have them as blank as possible for readers to fill in either themselves or their OC's.

The whole point of the series is to emphasise how alone Y/N is. They are pressured to not say anything, yet somehow introduce and care for their kidnapper's. If Y/N were to have siblings, yes, they would have more pressure, but they would be able to talk to someone about their situation and not worry about them being killed.

That's way too many characters for me to remember and attempt to write. Whilst I'm up to the challenge, there's still some characters the reader's haven't met yet. 😉

-

In a hypothetical sense though, I can see the siblings being a strength and also a weakness for Y/N.

On one hand, they are a source of comfort and a genuine sign of normality for the reader. The siblings actually care for their sibling and respect them for taking care of them whilst their mum and dad are 'away'. I think that younger siblings would still be at school so they wouldn't know what happened, if Y/N had older siblings... I guess they'd have to give the reigns to Y/N as they're the only one who knows who the Harbingers are.

I can see the siblings as an option for distraction in case Y/N needs to do something that cannot be seen, such as an attempt to escape to call for help. I can also see them as a venting mechanism, and a second opinion towards their plans if they're old enough. They also most likely keep the reader sane during this whole experience and becomes a symbol of hope to them. The siblings also a reason to be defensive against the harbingers, a reason to not give in to them due to being powerless...

One the other hand, the harbingers can use Y/N's siblings to... make them agree and do things they wouldn't normally want to do. They would be in a lot of danger - and could actually be killed if the reader doesn't obey. If the siblings are young, they most likely won't be harmed. But they will definitely be if Y/N hesitates or acts too cocky towards them in any conversation or act... I feel the harbingers would also threaten the siblings behind Y/N's back, causing them to behave strangely and not talk to Y/N, maybe try to convince them not to do something that the harbingers will get angry at.

Buuuuut, if the siblings are young, perhaps some of the more paternal/maternal harbingers whom are affectionate and used to children can gain their trust. Gaining the trust of Y/N's siblings could get them in good favours with them soooo, if they're yandere or looking to emotionally manipulate them - that's their best way to their heart.

-

Oh yeah, and I think I've mentioned this throughout all of the paragraphs... If Y/N had siblings, they'd be their biggest and most obvious weakness.

There's definitely more to write here, but I've had this ask in my drafts for a couple weeks unfinished now and I want to focus on new asks which include some story involved <3

[everythingloveandanimated]

On this episode of Musing on Murtagh I realized something... Murtagh's relationship with fate is "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished”. (WARNING!!! Heavy feels and Heartbreak below)

Chases away the Ra'zac to save Brom and Eragon. -> Eragon gets broken ribs, Brom gets a fatal knife between his ribs.

Saves Eragon and Arya from Gil'ead, accompanies them to the Varden -> Gets locked up. (which he considers pretty good. He's alive, has a furnished room, gets meals and reading brought to him on command, so 4/5 results)

Fights with Varden against the Kull Army -> Gets kidnapped and tormented on the way back to Uru'baen where the torment doesn't stop.

Swears fealty to Galbatorix to get his soldiers to stop torturing Thorn -> Thorn gets locked in a solitary cell and his torture continues for months

Spares Eragon's life at the Burning Plains -> He and Thorn get maliciously tortured for it

Tries to preserve Nasuada's life -> ordered to assist Galbatorix in torturing her

Helps Eragon defeat Galbatorix -> Nobody (sans King Orik?) is willing to take Eragon's or Nasuada's word that Murtagh is not an enemy

Tries to do right by Thorn by fleeing north to freedom -> Loses opportunity to plead their case in the court of public opinion

Rescues Silna ->Robs Glaedr's grave, injuries and betrays a guard he befriended (using that term loosely) and Thorn torches Gil'ead in a panic attack after saving Murtagh's life

Investigates the Dreamers to get information to report back, motivation to protect Nasuada's kingdom -> gets himself and his dragon captured, tortured, enslavement experience 2.0

And! As a bonus! FAMILY/ FAMILY-ESQUE RELATIONSHIPS

Selena does good by Eragon getting him to safety, then returns to Murtagh -> gets gravely ill and dies soon after

Tornac risking his life to help Murtagh get to freedom -> DIES just outside the city in front of Murtagh

Murtagh does all these life saving favors for Eragon -> Eragon skips off continent and is unavailable to help Murtagh clear his name

Holy Heck! And he STILL wants to honor the role of Dragon Rider by protecting the land and its denizens! (okay it's a little more focused than that. He wants to protect Nasuada and her realm, not the realms of Dwarves and Elves. They can take care of themselves; unless their goals overlap then he'll consider working with them.) BUT STILL!!!! HOW?!?!?! And the scary beautiful thing is there are deeply traumatized people WHO ARE LIKE THIS!!!! They will go out of their way to protect other people they deem worthy of their help!!!

#murtagh musings #murtagh #murtagh morzansson #murtagh tornacsson #just what the heck!?!?!?

[lemonsrosesandlavender]

I cannot sleep so instead I am trying to work out exactly what Rolan, Cal and Lia have been doing all their lives and this is what I’ve come up with (thoughts welcome).

Ages

I’d guess Rolan is in his mid-to-late twenties (27?) and Lia and Cal in their early twenties (maybe 21-22 and 20 respectively?). I feel like there has to be a decent (like 5+) year age difference to explain why he’s so protective of them. Cal seems like the baby of the family.

Family History

So we know Rolan is adopted, but when? I’m definitely not the only one who’s had the abandoned-at-birth thought, given that tieflings rejected by human parents seems to be common in Faerûn. I’d guess he was at least old enough when he was adopted to understand that he was unwanted once, and that explains why even in such an apparently happy family he’s still unsure of his place. He might even have been adopted as a young teenager? He has to have had time to bond like siblings with Cal and Lia. We know that he conjured a cat for Cal when the latter was 8, so that would put him at like 15 max at adoption. But I personally think he was adopted earlier than that, aged 8-12ish maybe.

Not clear on a father figure in the game, but there are lines remembering their mum’s funeral. So it seems there was a good relationship there. From Rolan’s inherent protectiveness and assumption of responsibility, I’d guess that when she died, leaving him to take care of Cal and Lia, he was in his late teens and they were 10-12.

Economic/Social Status

Ok I know this section is titled a trifle ridiculously but bear with me. This is an academic exercise ;)

Although they were more welcome in Elturel before the descent, anti-tiefling racism seems pretty entrenched on the Sword Coast. It runs rampant in the grove, and in the wider lore of tieflings in DnD. And I doubt it sprung fully-formed during the Descent, without prior feelings to inflame. However, I think that although they probably had to negotiate a precarious social status and discrimination, the siblings don’t seem to have been living in severe poverty.

It’s clear that Sword Coast society has very high inequality, with a lot of people extremely poor and at the mercy of the patriars/aristocracy. But there also seems to be a thriving middle class and maybe they were part of it? Rolan certainly complains a lot about the Grove conditions, but then he also clearly wants to emulate his idea of what being a wizard is, and being a picky snob is part of that (sorry, my love). So I don’t think that’s a great indicator of the living standards he’s experienced so far.

He’s also clearly worked extremely hard, and has some money to spare (since he gives you it as a reward), but not a whole lot of possessions (probably they had to leave most stuff behind).

I end up at him maybe taking over a small family business (perhaps reselling books?) when their mum died, and working incredibly hard at that to save money for his future studies, to provide for Cal and Lia, and to save in case of the future that many tieflings dread (and indeed came to pass): no longer being welcome in their own homes.

Meanwhile, Lia and Cal were maybe studying themselves, and helping in the business. Did they know anything about fighting before the descent? I’m not sure. But now they seem fairly competent compared to your average civilian (although not really highly trained).

~anyway this is enough brainrot for now.~

#rolan #bg3 rolan #baldur's gate 3 #headcanon #cal bg3 #lia bg3