#i'm pms-ing ignore me

[theatrevampire]

thinking about how louis and lestat used to sit on their bench and just talk for hours…like they really were friends on top of it all….they really did like each other

#i'm pms-ing ignore me #interview with the vampire #iwtv #loustat #louis de pointe du lac #lestat de lioncourt #lestat x louis #amc iwtv #text post #tp #EP 1 COURTING SCENE YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS

[shane-west]

For twitter being a social media site - why do I always feel like I'm posting into the void on there? No matter how many followers you have or if you try and start a conversation with someone it's like you're posting on there in invisible ink. Does nothing but make you feel shitty and unwanted. At least on here if you get at least one note on something you spend the time making you know it's been seen by someone and appreciated.

#sammie.txt #ignore me i'm being dramtic #and pms-ing #not a good combo

[laurieelaurel]

obey me characters where they accidentally hurt mc and at first they think "this is bad but mc will understand its an accident right?" then mc starts ignoring them, so they panic but turns out mc wasnt ignoring them, they were just out...mc-ing??

You're not mad, are you?

brothers x gn!mc

Warnings: none, kind of crack-y?

Brothers accidentally hurt Mc, and they've been ignoring them for the past day now. Clearly they must be giving the silent treatment, and now they're on a mission to clear things up before it gets worse!

(I'm assuming you meant hurt as in hurting their feelings)

Lucifer

Guess who's saddled with paper work againnn

Poor man stressed out of his mind, gets annoyed and lets slip a few choice words when you tease him a bit

In hindsight, he knows he shouldn't have lashed out at you, but surely you knew he didn't mean it

right?

So then why did you run off? to get his attention?

Fine. Suit yourself. He doesn't need you here anyways.

Except that's a lie because it's now 9 pm and you're still not home and he's pacing around his office waiting for you

Finally goes off to find you himself a quarter past 10 because it's not about the argument anymore - being alone past nightfall is dangerous!

Finds you hanging out with a group of friends in the park, cooing at the hell cockatoos

Your friends see him approaching and quickly assure you it's fine to leave early

With an awkward goodbye to your friends you're left face to face with Lucifer

Neither of you are sure what to say, but Lucifer goes first with a rather out of character apology

You're not exactly sure what he's apologizing about and he can see that

Actually loses his composure there for a second, but manages to play off his confusion to tell you it's almost midnight

Studies you like a hawk the whole walk back

Can't find a single hint that you were ever upset

Playing 4d chess against himself as he tries to probe you about how you feel about what he said earlier in the evening

Might have a poker face on but on the inside he's having a crisis here

Were you upset?? Cause you don't look upset??? But then why would you leave randomly like that??? Do you just like feeding birds???

Mammon

You get a text from Lucifer about picking some papers up from RAD

You were with Mammon at the time and you tell him you needed to go

Your stupid tsundere boyfriend doesn't want you to go, but he obviously won't say it outright

"W-well, don't even think about comin' back then!" he blurts out

Panics immediately after because oh crap you actually left?

Sends a few texts trying to play it cool a couple of minutes later but he is the farthest thing from cool rn

You see them, but only roll your eyes at his overly pompous messages

You definitely know

Being left on read isn't the end of the world Mammon...

So so so obvious to read - one glance over at him and all of his brothers can see he's had a fight with you

Lucifer pities him and drops some subtle hints that you're not actually gone

The others just sit back and roll their eyes at this moron (Asmo told you later on about his little freak out)

You get home an hour later, have a nice bath and when you get up to grab dinner you're immediately met with Mammon at the door

"I left for less than an hour you know"

Mutters something about not missing you at all despite having stood unmoving outside your door for the past 15 minutes

Clears his throat before stuttering out an apology

It's very genuine

The only problem is you've got no idea what he's apologizing for?

So you accept the apology not thinking much about it

Follows you around like a lost puppy for the rest of the week

Levi

He noticed you trying to get his attention but it can wait right? Just give him a couple more seconds - You know you can't pause multiplayer games right??

It's not like Levi ever made it a habit of choosing his games over hanging out with you

And you're usually content with watching him go at it while you aimlessly scroll through devilgram

Levi's just been obsessed with the DevilKart Ruri-chan crossover for the past 2 days

To put it quite bluntly, anyone would get sick of racing games if they had to watch them for longer than a couple hours at a time

So you just went out to get some fresh air

A couple of rounds later, Levi is panicking bc where the hell did you go Mc??

assumes you left because he wasn't paying attention to you

Would like to bury himself in his bathtub and not come out for another decade in shame

But he's resolved himself to find you and beg for forgiveness before that

Finds you chilling out in the garden

You see him awkwardly shuffling towards you out of the corner of your eye

Almost jumps out of his skin when you wave at him

He's like 20 feet away from you at this point but he just blurts out his apology

Please don’t just stare at him like that and answer him it’s taking all of his being not to combust on the spot

You feel really bad for some reason asking him what he was apologizing for because now you’re both flustered

You’ll both be fine, though Levi might need some more encouraging words to get through his embarrassment

Satan

The literal avatar of wrath got angry who could have foreseen this

To be fair, he has spent literal centuries practicing keeping his emotions under control

In the heat of the moment he let out a few insensitive words when brushing you off

Goes off to brood in his own room

When he calms down, he notices you're not around

Sends a couple curt texts about talking again later but gets no response

Paces around nervously, acting almost Lucifer-esque, as it gets closer and closer to nightfall

A bit frustrated because he's already upset he lost his cool and now you're off giving him the silent treatment

Spends a bit too long debating wether or not to go and bring you home himself

Has just convinced himself to go bring you home when the door opens

Your eyes meet immediately and he’s already right next to you

asks “Can we talk?”

And your heart sinks because that’s one of the scariest things you can hear out of a significant other

You both go into the conversation extremely nervous

You mean he's been swallowing his pride to apologize over something you weren't even upset about?

MC you had better make up for this misunderstanding... yes some time cuddling by the fireplace will do

Asmo

He knows very well that you've been avoiding him for the past few days

He also knows that this is most definitely an attempt to get his attention (tsk tsk, how basic of you MC!)

Well jokes on you, Asmo's not gonna chase after you!

Acts a tad bit too smug about the whole thing, just waiting to see you cave and take the initiative to approach him

Ooh the thought of you shyly tugging on his arm to get your attention has him smiling to himself already

Imagine his surprise when a week passes without much interaction between you two

He's getting ready to retire for the night, still hoping to see you seeking him out when he runs into one of his brothers instead

At first he was going to ignore them but then they mention you

instantly perks up at your name

Turns out you've been busy studying for the upcoming midterms (and the responsible asmo has not!!)

It takes him a second to realize how dumb it was for him to assume it was ever about getting his attention,,, he's ignored you for a week over this?

Literally bursts into your room to apologize

Turns out you didn't even notice his attempts to prompt a reaction out of you

why? Oh... yeah you were busy studying for those exams weren't you

Beel

Now I'm not sure how Beel's managed to hurt you but maybe he's just being worried over nothing

Once he's realized you've been ignoring him all day he's mulling over what he could've done wrong

Tries not to get in your way assuming you want some space

Cue the wistful glances from across the dining table

Any time you try to meet his gaze he averts his own, looking away in dismay

Honestly MC is starting to feel a bit ashamed they've made this cinnamon roll of a demon feel bad

It only takes a day for Beel to approach you about it, showing up at your door with his big ole puppy dog eyes

You're both sat down on your bed as he tries to tip toe around the issue

You try to save yourselves both the stress and try to bring it up yourself

please get this misunderstanding resolve asap

Once it's over and peace has been restored make sure to make up for the lost time you could've spent cuddling (and eating!)

Belphie

He was only joking when he said you were being annoying

Well at least half joking

At first you laughed it off, being significantly more quiet the rest of the day

He swears he didn't mean to hurt your feelings and he thought you knew it was a joke but you've been awfully quiet since breakfast and you haven't answered his texts :(

Spends the entire day planning a whole ass apology

And a lot of the day resisting the urge to nap

But most of it deciding on his words

A bit nervous when you still haven't come back home seeing how it's so late out

Hears the door open and he knows all his brothers are in their rooms right now

Catches you trying to sneak into your room and you look absolutely exhausted

It hurts him to see you like this and he can't help but rush out an apology

Except you seem pretty nonchalant about the whole thing which is pretty odd considering you've been giving him the cold shoulder the entire day

Asks where you were, to which you tell him about the nice petting zoo you didn't know the devildom had

confusion

Why weren't you answering his texts? >> was out at the damn zoo

Why were you so quiet?? >> because I woke up early to get ready to go to the zoo??

Why do you look so tired??? >> because I was living my life out at the zoO????

"So you're not mad at me?"

"Never was?"

"Oh."

#obey me satan #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me leviathan #obey me mammon #obey me beelzebub #obey me lucifer #obey me swd #obey me asmodeus #obey me belphegor #obey me headcanons #obey me x mc #obey me x reader

[ruified]

the long awaited review of storm bringer

sorry this took me so long to do i had some stuff happening

THIS ONE WILL BE LONG SO GET READY!!

Bang!

A hollow blast echoed through the street.

Chuuya stood stock-still as numerous bloodlike streams slid down his head-from multicolored party streamers.

"Happy one-year Port Mafia anniversary, Chuuya!" The pool hall rang with the five men's cheerful shouts. Chuuya looked around the room with an annoyed glare.

"..What is wrong with you people?"

first of all i love the flags dearly, i always have ever since i saw the stageplay but the ln really just sealed the deal for me <3

of course, getting attached was a BAD IDEA but anyway

"Now I get it!" His voice was unnecessarily loud. "You thought you could pull a fast one on me, showin' me this so I'd get all weepy and apologize! That's what's goin' on, isn't it?!"

"Hmm? No, actually, we—"

now here we have chuuya not believing the gift from the flags he received was genuine and it makes me wonder how more distrustful he had become since joining the pm :(

Up until a few minutes ago, there were six people in the room... but now there were seven.

"No need to clap," said the seventh man.

I LOVED ADAMS ENTRANCE SO MUCH MORE IN THE LN ITS SO FUNNY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH he’s so silly guys live laugh love adam frankenstein

"Chuuya, you cannot defeat Verlaine alone, which is why I was sent here. He is no ordinary assassin. Paul Verlaine is the king of assassins—and your elder brother."

now i just find it interesting that despite not biologically being related, adam still refers to paul as chuuya’s brother

i always thought paul was simply a self proclaimed brother but adam’s wording suggests otherwise

"Yeah, this is my problem," began Chuuya, standing in front of the closed door. "But if something like this happened to one of you guys, I don't think I could just ignore it. I'd try to help whether you liked it or not; I bet the rest of you'd feel the same way. So, detective, spit it out and tell them, too, or I'm not gonna cooperate."

The group stared at him, wide-eyed and impressed.

"Hey, did you guys hear that?" asked Piano Man.

"I did," Iceman said with a nod.

"I forgot to turn on my tape recorder." Lippmann gave a faint smirk.

"Tsk. On second thought, I'm just gonna handle this on my own."

"No way, man! No take-backs! I'm not letting you out that door."

this was so cute guys, i love the moment of vulnerability and the way they tease him like older brothers

It was Dazai's dark figure. Chuuya tried calling out to him, straining his voice, until he finally regained consciousness.

He was lying in front of that pool hall: Old World. He was no longer focused on Dazai but the inside of the hall. The undeniable stench of blood filled the air.

it’s the fact that he knew to bring him to old world which on the one hand is sweet but the other hand it’s… suspicious

"I'm gonna save you! Hold on!"

It was evident that there was no saving him, even without getting closer for a better look. His abdomen was torn open, exposing his ribcage.

"I'm sorry, Chuuya... He got me. I can't see... I can't even feel my legs anymore," Albatross gurgled in a whisper. His eyes were no longer seeing the world of the living. His legs were crushed from the knees down as well.

"But I saved Doc. I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him out of the attack's way," said Albatross. "Everyone else is dead.

And I'm gonna die, too. But Doc... He needs your help..."

Albatross's right hand was clutching onto Doc's collar like a treasure he held dear. Doc's eyes were closed as if he were sleep-ing, and he didn't have a scratch on his body—his upper body, that is. There was nothing left of Doc from the waist down.

"…"

Chuuya groaned and clenched his jaw tight. He had to consciously fight the urge to scream.

"All right," Chuuya replied evenly, keeping his emotions at bay.

"I'll take care of Doc. He's gonna be okay thanks to you. You always were amazing like that. You should be proud."

albatross’ death actually made me ill so i’m sharing it with you all now

"Yeah, it's true." His voice rang of bitterness. It sounded as if he would have rather died than admit it. "But I can't get in touch with him. Whatever. Hope he's dead in a ditch somewhere."

"I see." I, however, believed that we would be in trouble if we lost an ideal player for the mission. "Can you trust this individual?"

"Trust him? No way," Master Chuuya spat. "He's a real piece of shit. Got a twisted personality to go with it, too. He's the kind of guy who'd try to sell water to someone who was drowning. What makes him even scarier, though, is that he'd actually pull it off. He's sharp in a bad kind of way. But we won't be able to beat Verlaine without him."

i love the way he describes dazai it’s so funny

Those who knew Dazai didn't dare come near his home-not even his Port Mafia subordinates-and not because of how eerie the area was. Rather, nobody knew how Dazai would react when someone invaded his private space. Perhaps he would tear off their limbs and kill them, or perhaps he would welcome them with open arms and a cup of tea. Nobody could understand how Dazai worked.

what a goofy fella

"Charming place you have here, Dazai," came a lighthearted voice. "What frightens you so much that you choose to live in such a dreary place? Real estate tax?"

verlaine says this… we’re supposed to be scared of this guy? BRO IS GOOFY

"Gimme your pen."

"Be my guest."

After grabbing the pen that was handed to him, Chuuya effortlessly scrawled something within the signature column at the bottom of the document. When the detective leaned forward to check the signature, he was met with the following words:

Eat shit.

Chuuya then tossed the pen on the desk, wrapped his arms behind his head, leaned back in his chair, and put his feet up.

he’s such an ass i love him so much

"I see." A self-deprecating smirk played on his lips. "But, detective..."

Chuuya's eyes had clouded over, shrouded in darkness.

"…you should probably save your sympathy for a fellow human."

he was already questioning his humanity despite not having been to the lab yet and it hurts so bad guys :(

"Chuuya's not with you? Good grief. He's even late to important events like this." Verlaine's tone was casual and carefree, even. "I bet he would show up late to a first date, too. You know, as his brother, I worry about him. Sigh..."

verlaine doing shit like this again

"He—Chuuya—was wearing a military uniform I think he stole from somewhere. He was a huge mess. His face and hair were filthy. He wasn't wearing shoes, either," Shirase continued, voice quavering. "We—the Sheep's original members—thought he was some orphan living on the streets. He spoke to us first.

"What's that square thing?' is what he said."

Shirase looked down at the ground as if he was desperately trying to remember every detail that happened that day.

"I had no idea what he was talking about... I thought he was just weird. That's when he said, 'Tell me what that square thing is in your hand. Right now.'"

Shirase lifted his gaze and idly stared into the distance.

"I was holding a slice of bread."

A deep silence reigned over the corridor, eerily so, especially after the destruction that preceded it. Verlaine quietly listened to the story.

"When I told him it was bread, he asked, 'Can you eat it?' Then when I went 'Yeah' and tore off a piece and ate it to show him, he did the last thing I was expecting him to do. He fainted, like he was out of batteries. It wasn't until I went over to check up on him that I noticed how skinny he was. He looked half dead. The others were weirded out and didn't want anything to do with him, but I gave him bread and some water. After convincing the group, I took him with me to the Sheep hideout in the sewers."

chuuya nakahara you are sickening

"Hey, don't look so worried! It'll be fine! I was the brains of the Sheep, and you're gonna have me on your side now, so there's nothing to worry about! I'll help you find the next target in no time!"

My arithmetic operator indicated it was highly probable Shirase was not the brains of anything but simply was useless in every other regard. I immediately shut down the operation. I did not want to know the truth.

I LOVE ADAM SO MUCH HES SO FUNNY

Master Chuuya watched Shirase flail his arms about for a full ten seconds before deeply sighing.

"What are you lookin' at me like that for?!" Shirase demanded.

"Nothing... If I told ya, it'd just make things worse," Master Chuuya said before averting his gaze.

they’re so childish too i love them

"Sigh... Somebody call a wahmbulance for this guy, seriously."

chuuya making fun of shirase again

Verlaine stood in mute amazement for a few moments before nodding as if he had figured out what was going on. "Now I get it. I finally see how you two did it."

Master Chuuya and Dazai stood side by side. There was something surprisingly perfect about it.

Two young men with completely different personalities...

they’re so meant for each other guys it’s crazy

"You messed with the wrong guy, Verlaine," Dazai said with a faint smirk. "I know exactly how to deal with someone who can manipulate gravity. Day in and day out, I've spent every waking and sleeping moment think about how I can annoy Chuuya."

he’s literally obsessed with him

After staring in mute amazement for a brief moment, his lips eased into a smile.

"Show-off."

It was an annoyed yet relieved smile. He then promptly began giving orders into the radio.

"Everyone, prepare for battle. Chuuya is heading toward the target."

why is he as a man amazed by another man

"Incredible," a dumbfounded Dazai muttered as he watched from the top of the gas tank. "So this is the power of Arahabaki."

like he literally is so captivated by chuuya throughout this entire scene, every time they mention dazai it’s like “he watched in absolute awe” or something

"So that's Arahabaki's—that's Chuuya's true form," Dazai muttered feverishly as he stared up from the surface.

he’s so down bad

After limply floating in the air for a few sec-onds, the wings on Chuuya's back vanished, and he slowly began to fall.

Until Dazai caught him.

…

"Sleep well, Chuuya." Dazai faintly smiled at him. "I forgot to bring a pen with me, so I won't draw on your face this time. You're welcome."

down terrible

"Wish you were me, huh? A future king needs a big city to set up base, after all!" Shirase gloated. "I learned something from all this. The mechanical detective that died, the king of assassins— they were incredible. I couldn't believe people like them actually existed. The world really is a big place! That's why I'm gonna use the gemstones I stole from the research facility to set up a base in London! The next time you see me, I'm gonna be the king of an organization even bigger than the Port Mafia. I'll make sure to keep a position open for you, Chuuya."

guys shirase is such an idiot i love him so much

“the world really is a big place!” like no shit sherlock you’re just figuring this out?

"Would you like to hear an android joke, Master Chuuya?" Chuuya stood in utter disbelief, mouth agape in astonishment.

He eventually took in a deep breath—possibly the deepest he'd ever taken. Then all of a sudden, he cracked a smile...

"Ha-ha-ha!"

...and laughed.

CHUUYA CARES ABOUT ADAM AND I SNIFF SNIFFLE EUGHHH

"I'm sorry, Rimbaud," he said in almost a whisper as he clenched his jaw. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't treat you like the friend you were. I'm sorry I couldn't thank you for the present you gave me on my birthday. And now that you're no longer here... Now I'm just so terribly sad."

Verlaine's voice trembled as he lifted his head to the heavens and closed his eyes. He kept still. For the longest time, he remained there facing the night sky.

RIMLAINE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

He had no interest in the outside world. There was nobody he wanted to kill or see. The only person he missed was Rimbaud, but he was gone.

THEY MAKE ME ILL

guys i love rimlaine so much they’re so important to me

anyways those were my quotes hehe hope you enjoyed uhhh GO READ STORMBRINGER ITS PHENOMENAL

#ෆ┊¡ notes from val #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd dazai #chuuya nakahara #bsd chuuya #dazai osamu #bsd stormbringer #rimlaine #paul verlaine #arthur rimbaud #skk #soukouku

[lifeisaboutbeeltits]

☆⸙͎ ೫` A Little Help to The Lazy Demon's ☆⸙͎ ೫`

✁・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

✎ Character: Neutral gender MC, Belphegor Obey Me!

Character and the picture belong to: Obey Me! One Master to Rule Them All

⚠️ Notice: 🔞 NSFW STORY 🔞. Contain smut; anal sex and rough play. Not for minors.

✁・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Belphie yawning in his sleep, slowly open his eyes after a long, good afternoon nap. But he instantly panicked when he can't find you beside him, he trying reassuring himself that maybe you just doing some homework in your own room. Maybe, that's the thing...

But he can't help to think "Why should you leave me alone?" He pouting. Is there is something better than him?

Belphie get up and try to look around, 6 pm. Going to the House of Lamentation living room and passing Satan who's chatting with you in the sofa. He hears something like "Cat... Latte art... Fluffy cream...". He tapping your shoulder and you looking back at him. "Oh, you're awake".

"Yeah... Yawns"

Suddenly, Satan standing up and leave the sofa "Well then, I'm gonna go. I have to finish my new book that arrived yesterday."

"Oh, okay. Take care, Satan"

As Satan stepped away, Belphie whispering to your ears "Did you both talking about something?"

"Heheh, nothing in particular, tho."

Belphie silently tck-ing. Oh, c'mon. Why should you hide it? You smiling brightly when you're talking with Satan about anything-you-both-talking-about, is it wrong to ask what kind of thing that can make you this happy?

Is there is something that only Satan would know? Can't it be with him instead?

Satan is his own brother, of course. But Belphie also know that Satan is a clever demon. He know so much wonderful things that make him so popular among demons, not to mention he's attractive... Enough to make you adore his knowledge

But who care? No matter how amazing Satan is, you're his lover. He can't take you in any way. Why should he being jealous about little conversation between you both?

Or, that's what he thought.

But day by day, that jealousy grow even bigger and bigger. Not only Satan, his other brothers, including his own twins seems too close to you! Belphie glaring at nothing, annoyed and jealous at the same time. Why should you stay around them that much?!

He couldn't stand this, he have to prove to himself that if he wants, he could get anything from you too. You are his girlfriend, so he could make you spend so much time with him, much more than his brother could

But since he's kinda annoyed, he plans a revenge, let's just sleep and ignore you for tonight!

That night, you trying to wake Belphie up, but seeing his innocent face make you can't help but to rub his face gently.

Hey, this feels nice, pat me more, Belphie thought

Belphie fighting in his mind

MC, DON'T BE TOO SWEET

NO NO, YOU IDIOT! YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR REVENGE

But... But MC are too sweet to be ignored now!

Belphie sighing in silent. Why should he feels hesitated? This way, he can't do anything beside admit it,

He open his eyes. "...Dammit, I'm failed."

"Failed what?"

"I'm too lazy to deal with this jealousy"

You chuckled, you're confused but his cute glare is just so cute "The others invite us to join movie tonight at Purgatory Hall. Wanna go?"

Crowds again??? Now even with other exchange students??? But he need some peace here, spend some time together with you! Just with you!

So Belphie grab the edge of your clothes, feeling the angry burn inside him. The unreasonable jealousy of him wanna keep you all to himself.

If he can't deal with his own jealousy, then he will find someone to cure it. And you're the only and the perfect choice, if you stop making him jealous, he doesn't have to deal with it, right?

He kiss the tip of you ears, and breathing very closely there "Fuck the movie, we stay here"

"Belph-"

Belphie kissing your ear gently, a soft kiss then a type of kiss that make you can feel the undeniably hot desires. Then he continue to lick your earlobes, making the juicy sound right in your ears.

"-- haaah..."

His tongue invade both of your earlobe mercilessly, sending a shiver trough the skin.

"Ahhh... B- Belphie..."

"Mhmmm, MC. Does it feels good?"

He doesn't even give you time to answer, he just push you down to the bed. He grabbing your waist up, pulling your back to his chest. He sniffling your hair from your back, while his other hand keep your playing at your nipple.

The sensation of his talented hand playing on the tip of nipple while you still have the clothes on, making something inside yourself roaring for more.

With a loud sound of kissing, Belphie slowly go down to your nape, your back and have his time in your waist. He holds both of your hips while spreading it wider and sucking something in the middle of it, behind that undershirt

You press your face to the bed, it's feels like if you let out a moan, all of Devildom could hear it

"Hmm... Soft... Humnch... It's tasty..." He murmurings.

Belphie is at your back, and the thought of you can't predict what is his next move make your whole body a lot more sensitive.

He suddenly stop, you doesn't know why, but somehow you can feel his gaze, and sense his grin... From up there...?

"Haa... Hahahaha~! MC, that's so cute~ You really give me the reaction I was hoping for. I think I will have a good dream tonight..." He said while watching you pleading under him.

You sneaking to look at him, he's in so much pleasure watching you from up there. You can feel your "things" got wet behind the underwear.

He reach your undershirt and push one finger at that place between your thighs "Forget it, at this point, I wont just sleep and dreaming at all" He poking his finger there without taking off you undershirt, you can feel his finger playing with your things

"Haaah... How could you make me feel this way even though all you do is pleading..."

He reaching your underwear, tucking his finger there, and pull it off, together with every outer you use down there.

Belphie's face blushing, that things now dripping a juicy liquid... You feel embarrassed about it, but when you try to hide it, you can feel a soft fur...

He slightly brushing against your ass with that fur, a jolt and tickles you feel is almost unbearable. He slide something between your thighs up to your belly, you look down and now you can see what is that.

The tail. His tail.

The fur at his tail brushing through your belly, and he pull it, sliding between your thighs. Next thing you know, Belphie trying to brush that things with his fur.

"Hmmh, B- Belphie.. W- what are you doing with... it?"

"I'm just wiping, down here is such a mess, so I clean it" He said, chuckling devilishly.

"I- It's...! It's not!"

"Well, but it's not like what I see"

Belphie inserting two of his finger in your ass

You gasping, and let out a big moan

"Oh, you finally decide to let out your moan? So naughty~"

"It's because y- you suddenly...! Ah...! Inserting your finger... T- there!"

"Yeah, tonight I want you to know how is it feels to be fucked in both side."

He spreading his finger "I'm a lazy demon, but since it's you, I wouldn't mind doing two jobs at the same time"

"There's no need...!"

"C'mon, I don't mind spoiling you with something you obviously enjoy"

You can't stop your own voice, his wild finger sensually dancing inside you, you're at your edge when-

"Don't you dare"

"Huh...?"

Belphie pulling out his dick "Don't cum before I do" He removes his finger and slide his dick in, you can heard his breath

He put it gently, but it's feels so big until you think there is no way it could enter. A tears dropped from your eyes

"Sorry, it must be hurt... But thanks to shallow it all"

Shallow, that's mean all of it is inside you... "Ah...! Don't squeeze it too hard..!"

His voice sounded as if he is also in the edge, he try to move slowly

His hard breath, your moan, the jolt and wet sound, all merges into a noisy yet sexy harmony. Belphie continue to move faster you barely have a time to think about anything.

Your phone is ringing, "Wait, let me take it..." Belphie stopped, but after you click the answer button, he just continue to fuck you, even more harder

"HYAAH...!"

"MC? What's happened?"

"N- Nothing..." Belphie smiling mischievously, this gonna be fun

"Where are you...? The movie is about to start"

Belphie rubbing your "things" with his hand, tickle it with his tail

"S- Sorry..." You try to read the contact name behind your tears "Beel.. I don't think I can go..."

His other hand keep squeezing your ass, make it feels more rough yet so hot

"Why?"

He hit every spot in your ass, and his other hand moving seductively in your "things"

"Haaa... Uh.... I... I'm not feeling well..."

Belphie hit all your sensitive spot repeatedly,

"Oh, no... Are you sick MC? Should I bring some medicine"

This is too much, a pleasure from both ways is just too much to handle

You can't hold it, you reach the climax with a loud lewd noises

"MC... You okay..? You sounds... Weird"

"I... I just need some rest, I- I'm okay..." Belphie hold his evil laugh

"Oh, okay then. Rest well, I will be back once this over. I will call Belphie, he doesn't come too so maybe he can watch over you"

"No worry, Beel. I'm here. I will take care of them" Said Belphie

"Oh, you're there...? Then, please do. Me and the others will be back ASAP"

"Yeah, enjoy the movie"

Once the call is over, Belphie pull out his dick "You get turned on by me fucking you during the phone? Interesting"

"Sh- Shut up!"

"You doesn't seems sick like Beel said, huh? You can yell at me like that... Even dare to disobey my order"

You blink your eyes twice when he raise one of your leg and flip you, now you facing his annoyed yet horny face.

"I don't want to do it again, you just cuming by yourself at the end" He stroke his pre-cum dick. "But I'm too lazy to deal with this things, what do you think you could do MC?"

You gulped, knowing what he mean

"Lazy demon don't do cleaning, you know" He raise your body and put it on top of his body while he leaning on the bed

"I'm done playing with your "things" and the hole, now is your turn to clean the mess" He said, he pull your head to his dick "Do your best"

---

"Morning MC, you feel better?" Ask Beel, coming to your room

"No... My waist is killing me"

"Oh, so last night you scream 'cause it's hurt?"

You blushing immedietly "Y- Yeah"

"I will bring some soup, please wait"

After Beel left, you murmuring to yourself "Glad he doesn't notice it"

"Yeah, Beel trust you so much, so he doesn't think too much about your weird behavior from last night" You jolted, and suddenly find your boyfriend beside you

"So you're really sick this time" He added

"Yeah, thanks to someone who's keep playing some more round even when he said he's done playing with me already last night"

"Well, I'm so lazy to satisfy my jealously, isn't it your favorite activity to satisfy your lazy boyfriend?"

"No!"

"Stop lying, I know you enjoy it when you being the top for the some round last night" He said "I'm happy to know you're such a diligent lover, you clean all my mess that night, 'til the last drop of my c-"

"BELPHIE!"

Belphie laughing loudly when you try to hide your face, that naughty demon...

❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅

Do not repost, but re-blog is allowed. If you want something similar to this you can request it in the comment or ask blog. Enjoy your day❤️

MORE STORY

☏ Spin Wheel Story

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me solmare #obey me fanfic #obey me belphegor #obey me fic #shall we date obey me #obey me smut

[waugh-bao]

Seeing stuff about the new album makes my stomach flutter in a bad way. I don't really know why. It could be that I don't want them to have a new album without Charlie or without Charlie on all the tracks. I thought that list that said (with Watt) were the tracks that Charlie played on and they just forgot the s on his name and I was like 'that's it?'. And then I'm afraid some of the songs are going to be about Charlie and it'll be really sad. Or maybe its just the idea that they will be promoting a new album without Charlie there to stand silently in the background. Its almost like I want to avoid any news about it because it makes me sad rather than happy to hear Charlie on new songs.

Then you post that Mick clip and that is the closest I've heard Mick get to losing it (with the exception of maybe the St. Louis show) and now I'm all bummed. And I keep telling myself its ridiculous. One, I don't even know Charlie and two, he was 80! He had a good life, a happy life and if he was still with us the loss of Shirley would have devastated him (as I'm sure his passing did not help with her health at all). I don't know. Maybe I'm just PMS-ing. lol Maybe I just need to go look at my favorite Charlie pics again.

To be honest, I’ve felt the same way through most of this. I think a lot about how many years Keith spent insisting that Charlie was the Stones and that they could never go on without him, and, while I fully understand why they’ve ended up making the choices they have (evidently with Charlie’s blessing) it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Especially when it provokes all the commentary (which I stand by calling musically ignorant) about how Charlie was old and tired and broken down and they sound so much better and more energetic with Steve. (I’ll refrain from going chapter and verse again about fundamental differences between styles of drumming and why his cymbal work and his chemistry with Mick in particular doesn’t even touch Charlie’s). Keith sort of unintentionally predicted the future in 2013:

As far as the new album, yeah. I don’t really feel I’m looking forward to it so much as holding my breath in anticipation and anxiety to see how much Charlie will be on it and how much will be about him. It’s hard to accept that this is the last we’ll ever hear of him, at least until they sell their catalogue/someone decides it’s time to start putting out collections of unreleased songs and first attempts. It’s also kind of disappointing that they’ve been working on this album since 2012/3, but, because of various issues, including personal ones, it wasn’t until Charlie died that they found the urgency to finish it. And because of that he’s missing from half, or possibly more. At the end of the day that’s not really anyone’s fault, just a sad fact of being human and flawed with limited time.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being sad, either. 80 is a very good number, and Charlie lived a wonderful, fulfilling life full of love and kindness, but he also had something left to give and his death cut that short. But, although I suspect Shirley’s passing had a lot to do with losing him, by the same token I doubt he would have survived more than a handful of months if she had gone first. He just wasn’t made to live without her. So maybe that was for the best, at least for him?

Either way, happy Charlie pictures are always good therapy.

#I could really live without the weird anon hate that comes every time I refuse to act like I don’t have complicated feelings about them #going on without Charlie #or that I’m not a ‘real stones fan’ for not really wanting to see them tour until the end of recorded time #but if someone feels the burning need to still do it #go for it I guess #I finished/didn’t completely fail the final for my Portuguese course today #and got through three diplomatic caixa at Torre do Tombo #there have been worse days for internet randos to call me an idiot or a bitch #the rolling stones #charlie watts #keith richards #old married band #mick jagger #ask response #anonymous

[ave-immaculata]

May I ask something: Is eating too much, let’s say sweets, in a day already considered a sin of gluttony? What or where does the line of gluttony begin?

Honestly, I really am not confident in this and even after looking into it a bit more, everything I found felt pretty vague.

I think it's sort of a sum total of amount, reason, and attitude.

If I'm at my neice's birthday party and there's a lot of sweets involved and while we all sit around and enjoy each other's company I eat a lot of them, and they didn't (a) detract from my participation or engagement with the people around me and (b) weren't eaten past the point I knew eating more would really hurt my stomach/make me feel ill and (c) were not my motivation for coming to the birthday party, then I don't think that would be gluttony.

I'll also say that St. Thomas Aquinas didn't think gluttony had to do with the substance of food (whether it's a candy or a burger or bread with butter or lobster), but with the refusal to regulate their consumption in accordance with reason. It might be reasonable to have a second helping of something that tastes really good, either because I'm still hungry or I know I haven't eaten enough, or I'm pregnant/breastfeeding, advised by a doctor, etc. Other times it may not be (I'm full and eating alone and just seeking to indulge my senses apart from what the food will do for me). It might be reasonable to have cake and cookies and "indulgent" foods because it's a feast day or an anniversary or something that necessitates celebration. We just need to act with reason. I eat a lot of chocolate and snack foods when I'm pms-ing, and I'm sure this has spilled over the line in the past, but generally I view it as listening to my body and acting accordingly. The pleasure of eating is a good thing!

Really, the only times I've confessed gluttony involved the munchies of being high, where, wherever that thin line is, I definitely ran right past. If it's an inordinate seeking of pleasure for the sake of that pleasure, then unfortunately I do think it's a case for sincere self examination and confession, which for people with a history of disordered eating or scrupulosity, can present a challenge. Maybe try doing an examination of conscience once a week or every other week (I'll discourage everyday, tbh) and ask God for the grace to see things as they are, unmotivated by either your tendency to dismiss faults or invent/overfocus on them, and just see how your spirit is pulled about your eating that week.

I think it's good to deal with our sins harshly, and I know this is a really largely ignored place of sin in our lives, but I still would caution to be gentle and let God lead you rather than the stinging and biting of the evil one or the flesh. Maybe incorporate a Friday fast or something similar and see if you find it fruitful!

[campingwiththecharmings]

no, i did not just buy a bunch of chocolate that i’ll be picking up later from target what are you even talking about

#i think i'm pms-ing lmao #maybe that's my problem #ignore me

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from Tori Amos quotes

- Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.

- I think that people who can't believe in fairies aren't worth knowing.

- I know I'm an acquired taste - I'm anchovies. And not everybody wants those hairy little things.

- Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don't fit into boxes.

- I have so many different personalities in me and I still feel lonely.

- The violence between women is unbelievable.

- I'm too wacky for most weirdos. Who am I to judge?

- If they keep crashing stuff into the moon, the moon's gonna get pissed off, and the tides'll change, and all the women'll start PMS-ing together. Then you guys are going to fucking regret it.

- If you really want a challenge, just deal with yourself.

- I don't see myself as weird, I just see myself as honest.

- I see the dream and I see the nightmare, and I believe you can't have the dream without the nightmare.

- Some people are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much.

- Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin.

- On some of my darkest days, Lucifer's the one who comes and gives me an ice cream.

- Most people would rather be sheep than stand on their own with antlers on.

- The sense of loss is such a tricky one, because we always feel like our worth is tied up into stuff that we have, not that our worth can grow with things we are willing to lose.

- When you've got the virgin and the whore sitting next to each other, they're likely to judge each other harshly.

- I think you have to know who you are.

- Get to know the monster that lives in your soul.

- Dive deep into your soul and explore it.

- I don’t want to renounce my dark side.

- The truth has always held an enormous interest for me.

- Healing for me is being able to sit next to the butcher and say 'Yes, I’m sitting next to the butcher now,' instead of saying 'there is no butcher'.

- This is very simple in the world of chicks; some are hoochies, some are not, and some should never try to be.

- We don't often see our own stories. Good artists are the ones that whisper our own stories back to us.

- Music is about all of your senses, not just hearing.

- Again, we go back to the power of words and how they can make you feel. They bring liberation or stagnation, they're chains.

- You don't have to apologize for growing and learning and changing your mind.

- Music has an alchemical quality.

- Certain relationships can just wear you down.

- Containment of your opinion is a must if you are going to nurture an artist's development.

- It's a good thing I'm curious, because sometimes I just research how a soccer player kicks a ball and the impact it has on his foot. I haven't used this yet, but I might.

- But over the years you can cultivate hate for the art you love.

- I don’t believe anyone’s story is boring. Every story has value because it belongs only to you.

- Sometimes I fantasize backstage about how people do their laundry. Woolite? Mixed-color loads? Do they fold? Do they press? Do they Shout it out? And the thing that kills me—do their whites come out dingy?

- Our generation has an incredible amount of realism, yet at the same time it loves to complain and not really change.

- We like our pain. And we’re packaging it, and we’re selling it.

- Festivals or radio shows can be the heavyweight championships of arrogantly detached clusterfucks.

- People who are addicted to power can live on the same street or attend the same school as us or even play on the world stage.

- None of us are this light and dark fantasy. What's dark to you may be light to me and vice versa.

- I don't think that many performers necessarily want to see their audience empowered. I think a lot of performers, no different from priests, need the hierarchy.

- Modern, celebrity-driven entertainment turns the stage into an altar, and so many celebrities refuse to be removed from those altars once they manage to ascend.

- All storytellers, all troubadours worth their salt knew their myths.

- The Sídh's historical myth is the source of the bastardized concept of a fairy—as if anyone gives a rat's ass.

- The problem with Christianity is, they think everything is about outside forces, good and evil. There's not a lot of inner work encouraged.

- Over the last few hours I've allowed myself to feel defeated, and just like she said if you allow yourself to feel the way you really feel, maybe you won't be afraid of that feeling anymore.

- I'm the queen of the nerds.

- Don't give up. Don't listen to these foolish critics that are so small minded they don't get it tonight.

- Sometimes listening to music can motivate you.

- I think even in a good marriage, especially if you stay together long enough, there are going to be events that happen.

- An ounce of breast milk is even more potent than the finest tequila.

- Music is always a reflection of what's going on in the hearts and minds of the culture.

- Many people lock a part of themselves away. It's a bit sacred.

- I've always seen the songs as having a consciousness.

- Our world is a huge mess right now, and not big enough for masses of intolerant people.

- We are all fairies living underneath a leaf of a lily pad.

- That is some funky-fresh, pop lockin' shit.

- If I saw someone destroy a piano I'd fuckin' kill 'em. Wouldn't think twice.

- I experiment with things that are usually an internal experience, because that's just what excites me. And yes, it does sometimes give me visions.

- Some of those trips were eighteen hours long and I'll never forget, once I ended up sitting by the bush trying to ask the flowers why they didn't like me. It's like, Why can't I be your friend?

- You might not like my story because I'm not gonna tell you how it ends yet, and you need to travel it with me.

- I just imagined a huge juicy vagina coming out of the sky, raining blood over all those racist, misogynist fuckers.

- You can't control your popularity

- If you can't create physical life, you find a life force. If that's in music, that's in music.

- I started to find this deep, primitive rhythm, and I started to move to it.

-I held hands with sorrow, and I danced with her, and we giggled a bit

- I usually get myself into situations that cause sparks.

- I love feeling alive, I love walking out in the cold in my bare feet and feeling the ice on my toes.

- For the most part, pianos are female to me.

- Anger is natural. It's part of the force. You just have to learn to hang out with it.

- In our minds, love and lust are really separated.

- I think all the boys that write the screaming stuff would write the best love songs

- When you stop putting yourself on the line, and you don't touch your own heart, how do you expect to touch other people?

- Guys would sleep with a bicycle if it had the right color lip gloss on. They have no shame. They're like bull elks in a field.

- Your worst enemies are made when you ignore people.

- It's as if the horses have come to take us back, to descend, to find the dark side. By dark I mean what's hidden, not necessarily satanic.

- There's room for everybody on the planet to be creative and conscious if you are your own person. If you're trying to be like somebody else, then there is isn't.

- Sometimes you have to do what you don't like to get to where you want to be.

- You know that saying, bad things don't happen to good people? That's a lie.

- I'm not a habit, I'm a lifestyle.

- There are a lot of hidden nerds.

- People who become the front runners often used to be outcasts or loners.

- Um, don't get me wrong because I love boys, it's just that sometimes we don't need you.

- There are only ten ideas under the sun. What makes the difference is how you spice them.

- So I'm in Virginia, and I had crabs--I keep saying that! I had crab sickness, I had eaten bad crabs in Maryland!

- I'm a winter girl; I like coming out when things are desolate and everybody's ready to slit their wrists.

- You can only be you. A lot of times it's never enough for people.

- I've never played the guitar, except throwing it against the wall cause it was pissed off I couldn't play it.

- Truly, I was a sweetheart when I was little, like the Honeysuckle Faery. Sweet-pea. But sweet-peas are not popular after second grade. Sweet-peas become nerds really fast.

- I really enjoy having a giggle with a friend, but then someone crosses my line, then I don't really take it lightly.

- I sometimes forget I'm not 7'2" and a Viking.

- A boundary was crossed. And maybe I drew a boundary, consciously.

- It was a bit violent, a bit sexual.

- When nothing makes sense, music seems to come and bring me a margarita and sit down with me.

- You don't have to justify everything. Being pissed off is just absolutely okay.

- There is a level of the vampire in me, which is OK.

- It hurts me when a woman doesn't come through for me, more than a man.

- I'm a grown woman. I've earned my experiences, my scars.

- What is an angel but a ghost in drag?

- I'm beginning to accept and love the parts of me, of women that I was trained to hate all my life.

- People can be so vicious toward the imaginary world and it saddens me. You kill a lot of little people's dreams that way.

- Even if you don't read history or you aren't interested in anything that happened before the '60s, there are reasons why we think the way we do.

- That's how the story goes but I don't believe the story.

- I would find myself either the lovey-doveyest-woviest sweet pea, or a mad-woman.

- I believe in eating.

- You can't change what happened. And nobody's asking you to forgive.

- Why be afraid of these cuddly, soft, adorable things?

- I have good days. Like if I get really good coffee ice cream with just the right amount of chocolate syrup.

- A lot of people see themselves as victims, even when you have to stand in line for ice cream.

- It's so difficult to be critical of children because they need to discover themselves. We're always telling them, "No, the tree has green leaves!"

- I'm tired of being a rebel. Now I just want to be me.

- When things get really empty for me, empty in my outer life, in my inner life, the music world, the songs come across galaxies to find me.

- Do you know what it's like to be a girl and have blood running down your legs and think that you're dying, just because no one's told you that's what happens? It's horrible.

- An angel's face is tricky to wear constantly.

- Mess with me and you will not survive.

- I think that happiness is when you can let yourself feel every emotion you want at any time instead of being a lying little fuck.

- I'm not into this dieting thing.

- The cross has been used as a weapon, as it has been used against all women throughout the ages. And that's the greatest evil of all.

- I think you've got to find a giggle somewhere in stuff that would scare the poop outta ya.

- A cornflake girl is Wonderbread whereas a raisin girl is whole wheat bread.

- I would like to think I'm a raisin girl, because in my mind they're more open minded. Cornflake girls are totally self centered, don't care about anything or anybody.

- I like butter and the people who like butter."

- I'm known as that girl who has tea with the Devil.

- I'm not afraid of sadness.

- Everybody has creativity and each person has it in a different way. Some people aren't musical, some musicians can't even think about painting or gardening. There's so many different ways to be creative.

- I wanna be burned, definitely burned, like the witches.

- Give the kids tools, so they can go build their own houses; not the blueprint of what the houses should be.

- Look at me now. I'm breast feeding pigs.

- I wish I had more of a sense of humor.

- I can be so hard on people.

- If somebody's being a jerk, I would like to go wee on their head. And then I do that, mentally.

- The people on the internet know more about what I am doing than I do. Like, they will say that I am going to be in this mall on this day, and sure enough, I am there!

- I'm like a lioness who kills her own prey and no one else has to kill for her. But if some other lioness comes to me and says "I just got a good prey, do you want a piece?" I can say "of course" - and the other way around.

- There are things that I would disagree with Jesus about, and I feel really good about that.

- History has recorded some pretty nasty things that have happened to people. I think we remember. I think it's in our cells and I think it can still hurt sometimes."

- I don't believe in the saying that it all happens for the best, it's just not appropriate.

- Of course I believe in past lives, I mean, three quarters of the human race believes this, it's not like a great new thought here.

- I use innocence in my demeanor like a Venus flytrap.

- I do like to talk about things no one wants to hear at the dinner table.

- I'm not interested in being a really nice person; I want to be a creative, responsible person that's balanced.

- Boys are cute but food is cuter

- Do any of you dream about crocodiles?

-I know I dream about crocodiles. I'm obsessed with them.

- If people can't see things from the other side that's not my problem, it's theirs.

- I think I give equal time in my hatred, right?

- Sometimes I'm mad at some guy, sometimes I'm mad at some girl, and sometimes I'm totally loving some guy, so and sometimes I'm loving some girl.

_ Well, Pele is the volcano goddess and I thought of like, um, sacrificing some of the boys in my life to her but then I decided that that wasn't really a very good idea.

- Anger originates from envy and outrage, not being seen, not being heard.

- We don't know where souls go when they die. We don't know a lot of things. We didn't create the planets. We didn't do this all by ourselves. So, therefore, why wouldn't there be a creative force if it can create humans and planets?

- I've been hanging out with some of the Hell's Angels in England. They're some of the sweetest people I've ever met.

- Real friends have to be understanding of each other, and their faults.

- I think I'm really hard to get to know on a personal level.

- Thailand is calling me.

- People I see laughing all the time, check for razor blades in their anal-force underwear, because it's just a little lie.

- I'm not interested in taking drugs. I do hallucinogens once in a while for journey experiences.

- I hear the wine. It's like a structure. I see it as a piece. I hear it before I taste it. It's calling me. And then I start to hear it when I'm tasting it.

- Not that I use crystal suppositories, I'm not New Age.

- A peach tree says, 'Some of me will be juicy and some of me will be dry I'm not growing for you; I grow because that's what I do.' You always hear some person complain about how dry their peach is and the peach says, 'It's not our fault you have no understanding on the proper use for dry peaches.'

- My theory is that women were the Mona Lisas for a long time and now men are Mona Lisas with little goatees. They are our muses.

- If you're gonna tell a story, you have to grow into the head of the rapist as well as the raped.

- He was a lite sneeze, and not the flu. Most boys would like to think they're the flu, wouldn't they? But they're really just a achoo.

- If you call me an airy-fairy new age hippy waif, I will cut your penis off.

- It's a double-edged sword and if you pretend you don't want it you're a liar and that is going to rip your soul to pieces.

- I'm always dreaming that these bulls are chasing me. Half the time I don't get away - I almost get over the fence, and then they gore me.

- I believe in energy, everything is energy. And therefore sometimes magic can be created if somebody is open to letting energy do what it does, instead of being so cynical, that you miss magic happening.

- I feel like a work really has many sides to it when people have such extreme reactions. When a work is greeted with just, 'Oh, you know, it's nice', then it's not affecting people. So love it or hate it, that's okay.

- I am a real believer in looking at pain and taking it out shopping.

- The music is the magic carpet that other things take naps on.

- I just try to strip myself, peel myself like an onion. At different layers I discover stuff.

- Why is the world where it is? It's so deep-rooted, if we really start looking, and we might not like what we find. But I think we have to, we have to ask the questions.

- I'm beyond the fury of youth.

- I love young women who are angry. They're wild mustangs.

- I didn't want her looking and hearing me and thinking, "Oh my God, that's a scary lady!"

- They felt that it was detrimental material for their children and that it was blasphemous.

- They've decided they kinda' have you figured out.

- My nightmares are so bad, that I mostly reject it when my friends want to take me to a cinema to watch a horror movie. Then I say, "No, thank you. I will dream in a few hours."

- I don't know of anybody who's gonna be fulfilled if they get hit by a bus. You have to surrender to that eternal need to be fulfilled.

- How do you know I'm not having a margarita with Jesus tonight at 10 o'clock?

- Let's be honest, religion has not supported women and men exploring all sorts of their sides, their unconscious. It has not been supportive of, you know, go into the places without shame, without blame, without judgment, and just let yourself really see what's cooking in there.

- I think human beings are so much more capable of what they told us we're capable of.

- Anyone can attend yoga, kabbalah classes, church, lectures by the 'Dalai Lama', yada, yada, yada - but can you be present for your life, and live with the way you treat other people?

- Only a few people should have a "greatest hits". I'm not one of those people.

- I feel like our leaders have hijacked America's personality, and taken her to personality plastic surgery school. And they decided this is who she is.

- The playground is the biggest war-zone in the world.

- You have to read visionaries to have visions.

- They squash the baby bird because their bird got squashed.

- I love reading. I'll read the first sentence and if it makes sense to me I pick it up.

- It's ridiculous saying there's only one true faith, it's like saying there's only one map to get you up the mountain. I want to see those other maps, man.

- I kinda have all the aspects of my personality round one table for spaghetti.

- If it's too loud, turn it up.

- I was doing drugs with a South American shaman, and I really did visit the devil and, well, I had a journey.

- There is no passion without broken crockery.

- You have to ask, how could a nation nearly vote in somebody who isn't qualified for the job?

- We're living in a frightening time and I wish people would wake up and realise they're surrendering their civil liberties.

- Who wouldn't want to shag a queen?

#rp meme #rp memes #rp starters #roleplay memes #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #tori amos #tori amos quotes

[mrskurono]

Hhhhh, periods huh mummy :"> I'm still waiting for mine to come, weirdly it's late :"D but the pms makes me feel shitty especially since my fren suddenly went MIA on me T.T it's been a week jshsksb

But good luck mummy, keep hydrated and raid all the snacks from th pantry okie, since I know I just did that and got shit from everyone.

Hhhhhh, that's the thing mummy, when it was still exam week, I can't sleep at all and spend the entire night studying shit that didn't come out during the exam. Felt sleepy at 4AM and then waking up to a teacher calling me cuz I am not online yet ksbsjjsk

- 🍑

Knock on wood mines wasn’t too late nor has been too bad (last month holy FUCK it was like 5 days late and my nerve pain acted up and I was pms-ing something fucking fierce) But I only made myself sad once this time! Drinking and looking at pictures of Kindaichi gave me an emotion v.v

You know....I have heated opinions on friends who like to just ghost people....my “friend” did that after my son was born and just suddenly messaged me two weeks ago....when my son is over 9 months old :l Might have been petty and left that bitch on read bc I don’t fuck with that shit anymore

Bruh when do you guys get like, done with exams??? I feel like everyone’s been doing them forever now??? Back when I was but a wee fool it was like a one or two day thing?? Now it feels like a month worth of exams??? To be fair...I might have been blissfully ignorant to how calendars work....

#fun fact in high school and college summer and spring break always surprised the shit outta me #like wow this is happening again who would have thought #now i live a lawless life only determined by what the weather is doing #no idea what day it is #or month #im but a feral ant living in the city #🍑 #anon #babe ilysm #drink lots of water! #three.talks

[arcenciel-par-une-larme]

Before anything else, I would like to ask my brothers and sisters in Christ, IN ALL HONESTY, whether I erred in any way in the reply which I offered to this original post (there was also an intermediate reply which I did not include into the screenshots; either way it was OP who replied to me). (@ignorant-against-christians @anscathmarcach @doctorbluesmanreturns @bagheadautist @a-quiche-in-med @anotherpointlessargument @strawberry-milktea and anybody else who might need to chime in, please feel free to PM me if you prefer that to reblogging all this mess.)

And while I'm awaiting that, let's dive right into the last reply and give OP a much-needed reality check. (Translation: let's try to set some things straight for anybody who is willing to listen, since OP has already declared themselves sinless, infallible and above reproach.)

Where are my children growing up that you think they’re not going to be interacting with Christians and being exposed to Christian theology on a daily basis? Hell, my children will have multiple Christian family members, as well as several queer Christian honorary aunts and uncles. Also, you know, a Catholic-educated mom.

It isn't all that much of a good sign when literally the first paragraph in your reply is a mile-long appeal to false authority.

First of all, it is completely inane to consider my response as personally addressed to you. I didn't even reblog it from you or tag you.

Secondly, please accept this PSA: Having Christian friends does not make you an authority on Scripture. Nor does having a Catholic-educated (not even practicing Catholic) mum. In fact, if the state of millennial liberal "Christianity" online is any indication, it is very much a possibility that your "Christian friends" might very well be teaching you that "Yeah, basically atheists are right in all that they say about Christianity, but I'm a good Christian and I love Christ and I don't believe any of that outdated stuff that's in the New Testament!" in which case, yeah, the fact of the matter is that you WON'T be getting an accurate image of orthodox Christian theology from your friends, or from your mother who might very well have prayed her latest Rosary when she graduated high school.

You have completely misunderstood the point of this post if you think the above beliefs (which are overwhelmingly held and spread by Christians and ex-Christian atheists, not Jews) have the same negative effects on Christians that harmful beliefs about Jews have on us.

Right. So, in other words, you didn't want to draw attention to and decry anti-[whatever religion] slander and, in the course of that, also spread awareness of common anti-Judaism lies. You just wanted to compete in Oppression Olympics, and to virtue-signal your victimhood. Yeah, how dare I assume that you wanted the former just like any virtuous human being! HOW DARE I assume that you're not an intellectually dishonest SJW! THE HORROR!!!

Also, nice job pretending that you're "fair" and "not bigoted" when you try to blame CHRISTIANS for the ANTI-CHRISTIAN bigoted lies which are commonly propagated.

And again, the only reason that you think I blamed these beliefs on Jews is, as it seems, because you want me to mean that. Because you want to score oppression points. In reality, I made it perfectly clear that it is of no importance whether the person peddling anti-Christian slander is Jewish, atheist or whatever else; but that is something which either you missed entirely or you deliberately refuse to acknowledge.

Christians might not be uniquely bigoted, but you damn well are uniquely powerful in western countries, and with that comes unique responsibility, to paraphrase Uncle Ben.

Why didn't you just go the full "Check your Christian privilege, we live in a Christian hegemony, one can't be bigoted against Christians, a minority cannot oppress a majority, PREJUDICE PLUS POWER!" route from the get-go so we can know where we are standing, then?

This is a perfect example of why I shall always insist that

At the Oppression Olympics, nobody wins.

Because you looked at my response and you immediately saw not a complementing opinion (which it is), but a competing one. You saw an opponent, and in your mind you cannot be anything short of 100% right a priori, because of course it's a competition. Of course oppression and injustice are a zero-sum game.

Only in real life, THEY ARE NOT.

Any rational Christian, and any rational Jew, is horrified both by anti-Christian and by anti-Jewish bigotry. You, on the other hand, insist upon trying to find the "bigger victim" at all costs. And from your reply, it seems fairly certain that you had no rational reason to do that. You just wanted to downplay the injustices and slander which is aimed against Christians. It almost reads as if you vehemently refuse to even remotely sympathise.

By the way, I think that Devin Kelley, Chris Mercer, and Floyd Corkins (among others) might be some names which ought to debunk your opinion that anti-Christian bigotry has no tangible real-life effects.

Oh, but I forgot. "Prejudice plus power"...

I have every intention of teaching my children about different religions, but this reply was obviously in bad faith and just about jacking off your persecution complex as part of the poor, downtrodden 80% majority.

THERE WE HAVE IT!!! THERE IT IS!!! I F***ING CALLED IT. HEAVEN FORFEND IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN ONCE. "A majority cannot be oppressed!!!! PERSECUTION COMPLEX!!!"

At this point, your rhetoric is barely distinguishable from an "AtheiSJW bingo" of sorts, or from the inane hate asks that we get at anti-christophobia...

I don't know why I expected any better. Maybe because I DARED to assume the best about you. Yeah, what a heinous thing to do...

And OF COURSE it must be true that I came into this in bad faith. Of course. Why? Because you say so. Because it's a JACKPOT for you. You've found before yourself the perfect chance to set the scene with me as "Le Mr. Evil Bigoted Christian" and score brownie points, and BY GOLLY you aren't going to let such an opportunity go to waste!! I mean, WHO EVEN CARES about such trivial technicalities such as TRUTH...

..........and in the wake of all this, you have the gall to accuse ME of playing Oppression Olympics???

Can your projection and intellectual dishonesty get any worse?

And the PERFECT FINALE of inimitable intellectual and moral superiority:

Do not interact with this post further.

Classic pigeon chess strategy. No comment needed.

-

Again, for what I have done amiss in this whole story, I apologise sincerely. My mistakes, however, do not bar me from calling out the errors of others and defending myself against unsubstantiated charges or pointing out their bigoted behaviour.

As for the potential few idiots who shall hasten to accuse of antisemitism (for whatever contrived BS reason their sick brains might conjure), do not even bother. Antisemitism is one of the many kinds of bigotry which I have decried in the past and shall continue to decry, and thus I do not automatically become guilty of the same bigotry just because I do not self-flagellate for being Christian and I refuse to bow down to your short-sighted, sociopathic cultural Marxist dogma of competitive victimhood.

God bless you all.

UPDATE: A few mere hours later and OF COURSE another Bingo square was checked off: I have been blocked. Should I pretend to be surprised?

#teamblocked #oppression Olympics #pigeon chess strategy #christophobia #anti sjw #personal post archive #muh persecution complex #muh bad faith

[echoes-of-realities]

hello! this is completely random but i saw in your bio that you have a BA in anthropology. I'm currently trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and anthropology sounds really nice. Are the jobs opportunities good when you graduate? I'm also from Canada! Thank you!

Hey! I’m going to put all this under a cut cause it’s, uh, a Lot of information lmao.

So I don’t know how much you know about anthropology, but the cool thing about it if you’re going into research, is that you can do basically anything with it tbh! At its most simple, anthro is the study of humanity, so that includes literally anything to do with humans. What to study residential school experiences of Indigenous people in Canada? There’s a plethora of research opportunities about First Nations people, usually under the sub-discipline of Indigenous anthropology. What to study the effects of the lack of media representation for LGBTQ+ people? Queer Theory is a huge aspect of modern anthropology. What to study human evolution in the Horn of Africa? Paleoanthropology is a huge field. What to know Far Too Much about projectile points across the prairies? Archaeology is for you. Want to study RV-ing retirees? There’s literally a book on it.

Anthropology is broken down into four sub-disciplines: 

Linguistic Anthropology: Studies relationship between culture and language; everything from language revitalization to how language usage can further oppression. This field is closely tied to linguistics, but is actually very different to it. Linguistics generally studies the structure of language, while linguistic anthropology studies how language can produce/maintain culture, and vice versa.

Biological Anthropology: Sometimes called physical anthropology, it’s the study of humans and non-human primates in terms of biology, evolution, and demography; paleoanthropology and primatology both fit here, as does forensic anthropology. I.e., the TV show Bones, except actually accurate lmao. Don’t get me wrong, I love Bones and it’s actually what got me interested in anthropology in the first place, but literally every time I watch an ep now I’m like “You can’t estimate sex from that. That’s wrong you can’t estimate race. Age estimates range from 24-82 not within two years. You can’t do that!” ff

Archaeology: There’s a Whole Bunch of specializations in arch like bioarchaeology or lithic analysis or pottery analysis; archaeology is kind of….. lagging behind the other subdisciplines in terms of feminist theory and queer theory and treating PoC respectfully. (Especially Indigenous people, NAGPRA exists because archaeologists continually dug up Indigenous graves and then refused to give the Native Americans and First Nations the remains back so……) But! There are a lot of younger archaeologists reforming the discipline and making feminist and queer theory more common in the field. Black Feminist Archaeology by Whitney Battle-Baptiste is the first archaeologists that comes to mind off the top of my head in terms of including more PoC voices in archaeology, but there’s Many others doing good work!

This is totally a self-plug lmao but if you want to know more about homophobia and sexual harassment in archaeology, which is unfortunately rather commonplace, here’s a link to my final project for my Gender in Archaeology class about the topic, it’s a narrative video game and I’ve Very Proud of it.

Cultural Anthropology: Just like it sounds, this is the study of cultures. “Culture” is a Really Contentious term in anthropology and there’s no way I’m getting into the decades of debates here lmao. But essentially, cultural anthropologists study all aspects of different cultures, from the Big Men of the Indigenous peoples in Papua New Guinea to gender relations in small fishing villages in Portugal to homeless drug addicts in urban centres. Often issues of cultural appropriation, racism, homophobia, gender vs. sex (spoiler: they’re Very Different and completely depend on the culture), and oppression fall into this subdiscipline, but they can be explored in every field of anthro.

If you Really want a taste of Cultural Anthropology, watch Ongka’s Big Moka, which I’ve watched no less than seven times because basically Every Intro level anthro class plus second year classes without prereq’s show it. My best friend who’s also in anthro and I joke that we know more about Ongka than we do certain family members, which is 100% true.

So, as you can see based on the subdisciplines, there’s a Whole Realm of possibilities when it comes to jobs. The most common is basically going into research (which includes ethnographies), becoming a professor at a post-secondary institution, or going into applied anthropology.

Research: Research can be done on basically any topic, but anthropological research is rather unique (some sociology research uses the same practices, but not as commonly as anthro). Of course, there’s the research that archaeology and paleanthropology do that falls closer to a “hard science”, but cultural anthropological research is different. Ethnographic research is holistic and includes living in the community for an extended period of time (usually over a year), learning the language, and participant observation (you must participate in the community you’re studying; this is where researchers in “hard sciences” usually scoff and accuse anthropology as being subjective and not objective, which is true, but what most scientists don’t like to acknowledge is that all science is subjective because it is done by imperfect humans).

Professor: In order to become a prof, you need to have a master’s degree (people with masters can teach undergrad, people with a doctorate can teach graduate courses), so you do need an area of research to do your thesis on. Most anthropologists eventually become college/university profs once their research days end, or they teach during the school year and do their research during the summer. One of my fave profs does bioarchaeology in Tanzania every couple summers with some grad students so!

Applied Anthropology: Applied anthropology is probably the biggest area of careers tbh. Technically applied anthropology is just anthro applied to practical problems, so it can technically be anything. Most often, it includes medical anthropology (which is one of my areas of research studies how cultural ideologies of health and wellbeing go into healing, Lots of interesting commentaries on Western medicine and traditional medicine and how one culture’s idea of “healthy” is often Very Different to another’s), work with NGOs or activism organizations, archaeologists, museum or archive work, ecological or environmental anthropology, political anthropology, economic anthropology, forensic anthropology, and so many more tbh.

So yeah, that’s a rundown of anthropology and the ways your career can go. Honestly—and this isn’t me being all “my field is the Best Field” or anything lol—I think everyone would benefit from taking a couple anthro courses. I took The Anthropology of Sex, Gender, and Age in culture my first semester of my first year, and it’s still one of my favourite courses ever, and honestly I think that everyone going to college should take that course. Not only do you learn about how sex, gender, and age all culturally determined (no, sex is not biological because “biological” is culturally determined; most Papua New Guinean tribes have no concept of chromosomes, so “sex” isn’t based on chromosomes for them), but you’re also taught empathy in that class. Same with the Anthropology of Race and Racism class I took. Being uncomfortable is the most important part of unlearning toxic ideologies, and those two classes really embrace the uncomfortable. The biggest thing you need to be an anthropologist is empathy imo. The main goal of anthropology is to gain an emic perspective (i.e., an “insider’s” perspective) when doing research. I was always Really interested in social studies as a kid because I loved learning about different cultures so anthro is basically the “adult” version of that lmao and anthropology is essentially an extension of that.

I will say, that it’s pretty hard to do anything in anthro without at least a masters degree, so you have to be prepared to do A Lot of schooling. As for job prospects after grad, it depends entirely on where you live and what field you wanna go into. There’s far more job opportunities for anthropology in Toronto than in a small town with 7,000 people. And the fields really matter too. For example, if you want to practice forensic anthropology in Canada, you essentially have to wait for the current forensic anthropologist to die or retire, whichever comes first, before you even have a chance at a job. But as for medical anthropology or anthropology that involves working with or researching for Indigenous peoples, especially in Canada, there’s basically always job opportunities because they are in high demand of research or of people who can act as consultants.

Anyways, this is Long but I hope it helps, and btw, this basically only scratches the Surface of anthropology. I didn’t go into anthro’s long, uh, let’s say shitty history, for simplicity’s sake, of racism and colonialism here, not because I’m ignore it but just because it’s Long and I don’t have the time right now lol. But most modern good anthropologists don’t shy away from criticizing anthro and being vocal about it’s past and current issues, as well as advocating for how to fix them. Anyways. If you have any other questions feel free to send me another ask, or just PM me too! I’m happy to give information about anthropology!!

#anon #ask #I'm actually presenting to a high school about careers in anthro next week so this was helpful lol! #basically I'm going to use most of this for that presentation so that's partially while this is so long #the other part is that I Ramble lmao

[rottingpixie]

This boy picked a really bad day to ignore me cause I just realized I'm pms-ing and that's probably why I'm such a fucking mess

#hate this guy fr #hate myself fr #hate pms FRRRR

[keight-a]

01/06/22, 10:50 PM. I feel so pathetic. It's been 5 years and it still hunts me.

I was so naive back then. I didn't care about the hurt. I didn't care about the pain it brought me. I only cared about having him beside me. 6 years ago I found out that he's still talking with his ex and even initiating the conversation. That's considered cheating, right? Pero wala ko'y labot. I did not confront him about it bc I know that no matter what, I will still hold on to him. Confronting him will only make me look pathetic. I gave it another chance. I gave us another chance.

Year 2017 when he broke up with me. I can feel his love slipping away already. Or if naa ba gyud? Or was it just lust? Idk. I am not sure. That same year, his ex transferred to his university. And then nag flashback tanan. And then nag make sense tanan. I don't want to make assumptions now that I am where I am now. Pero... y'know...?? What would I think that time diba? Her transferring to his school, him ignoring me.

Pero gahi gihapon ko'g ulo. I still tried to make our relationship work. And I lost myself in the process. Laag diri, laag didto, inom diri, inom didto. We took a break for some time. Katong mga panahon na wala siya, I asked myself ngano ako lang pirmente masakitan? Ngano siya lang maka-igat2 sa lain? Ngano ko niya ginatrato ug ing-ani? I missed being loved. Our relationship went on and off, and I'm the only one's fighting. Naisip nko na unfair man?? Why don't I try na buhaton iya gina buhat sa ako. Why don't I try talking to anybody else?

Timing, my ex chatted me and we exchanged conversation for quite a while. We were reminiscing the past. We were so young back then, puppy love lang gud, but his whole family knows me and even gave me a huge toblerone and flower during valentines day. His mom would text me occasionally, and he'd sing for me through phone call because he was taking guitar lessons that time. I'm friends with his older brother because we were classmates, and his younger brother would send me random text messages. I know that when he's around me, I feel safe.

So, when P and I broke up, I missed that feeling. I missed being loved, being wanted, and being cared for. But when P found out about us having conversations, P and I broke up again. I was a mess. Gusto rman ko makabalos. Ngano ako man mas nasakitan. Revenge was never a good idea for me.

Mkaahilak ko makahinumdom. Grabe nako ka pathetic. I shouldn't have done what I have done just to get him back. I should've let him go. Pero unsa kaya mahitabo if gipasagdaan nako siya? Malipay ba siya karon? Kinsa kaya unta iya uyab run? Asa kaya ko karon?

Remembering everything that's happened before makes me want to cry. Not a tear for him though, but for myself. Naluoy ko sa ako sarili. Maka trauma. I don't ever want to go through that same situation again. Maybe that's the reason why I feel so paranoid when it comes to his ex. I can still remember those times na siya gipili, ug dili ako. Sakit pero okay ra. Makahilak ko but maybe it's not because of the idea of losing him anymore, but the idea of losing myself once again.

Sige lang. Bawi sa next life.

[thoughtdumpshitposts]

Emotional Breakdowns Lead To Passably Poetic Ramblings

26.06.21

word count: 2.15K

I never write because I need everything I write to be evocative. I need it to be painful. What's the point of writing something if the reader doesn't hurt? It hurt me to write this, and I hope it hurts you to read.

I've always imagined putting my thoughts into words, but I don't know if I want them to be on paper or my phone. Digital is easy, it's good, it's clean. It's easy to edit, to navigate, to save; it'll probably live on forever. It won't erode and disappear like the writing journal I had for six years, eaten away by the same termites who ate my entire closet from the inside. His name was Reggie, and he deserved better. I'd kept him safe in the closet, but I learnt too late that nothing was safe in the closet. Nothing physical, existing is ever safe from the World and it's beasts – Man or insect.

But paper is personal, it's real. It's beautiful. Sure, sometimes my brain and heart think of words faster than my hands can keep up, and the words are barely legible and my hand-writing's not pretty anyway, but that's the beauty of it. That's what makes it mine. But someone I know can stumble upon these words and read the truth of my existence. But maybe I want them to stumble upon it, one day. Maybe I want them to find my words and understand, really understand, who I was and what I am and what I kept locked up inside of me. That I wasn't some selfish, ill-mannered brat. That I really loved them, but sometimes it was hard. My mother always tells me no one can ever trust anyone but family, that even if she screams and shouts and scolds at first, at the end of the day she'll always have my back, and I know that's the truth.

But my cousin molested my other cousins and I, and she cried when she found out after years because she had to hear it from the other side of the family, and she cried because she'd told me so many times that she'll always have my back if something like that happened to me and she keeps saying family and family and family, and trust and trust and trust and how family is my parents and brothers and that's all we can ever trust but how do I tell her that the reason I said nothing when my cousin did it was because I was used to staying silent when my brother did? It's all so funny because I was blessed enough to have been born to parents who would never blame me for being abused in a society in which the blame- and shame-game is prevalent, but what do you do when the victim is your daughter and the abuser is your son – your firstborn, the first "nawasa" in the family, your pride and joy, the prince charming. You've loved him for seven more years than you've loved me. I understand. You don't deserve to suffer the truth. I saw how you were when you found out the truth about the cousin, I remember the things you said about family and trust. I know you have your own issues. You don't deserve to suffer. You don't. I love you all. So much. So so much. I won't let you suffer. I won't let you be the collateral to his sins. I'll protect you, and you'll never know.

And I'm okay, so why would I say anything? When we're happy and whole and great? Why would I say anything when I'm actually, genuinely fine and unaffected? Why would I ruin us? How could I say anything? And I'm fine, I really am. I'm okay. And I know my friends think I'm gaslighting myself when I say that I'm fine and it hasn't effected me much and it wasn't that bad because I was never actually physically hurt, but it's true. I'm used to laughing and loving the people I hate. I'm used to hating the people I love without an ounce of real hatred. I know what it sounds like, but it really isn't that way. It's okay. I'm okay, and no one should worry, even if sometimes I want everyone to worry. Even if sometimes I want everyone's pity and attention and love and sympathy, and I want them to hurt for me, like I hurt for the people I love. Sometimes I just want validation, I want people to know everything so they understand me. But everyone wants to be understood, so that's nothing special. I'm okay, and that is the only thing what matters.

I wasn't raped; I was molested. There's a difference.

I wasn't raped, and honestly I only remember a few instances with clarity. Everything else is a blur – it's all just snippets and flashes of memory spun together to make a vague, dramatic montage. But I wasn't ever physically hurt, and of course I know that it was still terrible and horrible and I didn't deserve it, but understand that it wasn't as bad as it sounds. I'm fine and genuinely, actually okay and I'm only affected when I have a mental breakdown, but that's almost always because I'm pms-ing. And it hasn't happened in a while now. It stopped. I think it's been four years? And it happened for five? six? I was 9 or 10 when it started? And he was 16 or 17? Okay, that – Oh, God oh fuck that sounds bad doesn't it? I'm 18. My younger brother is 10. I couldn't imagine– I can't. God.

But it actually wasn't as bad as it sounds. I was asleep – of course I wasn't asleep (but I think sometimes I must've been? I don't know) – but I was "asleep" when he did what he did. And he did do a lot, to be honest. His hands, everywhere on me. His mouth – everywhere. His–

Why is it so hard to write? I think it's harder to write than it is to think and speak of it.

But I don't know what happened to me. I don't know. I don't remember what happened. I wish I'd kept a better record, but I didn't. Oh, I remember a lot of things that happened, but I don't remember it all. I wish I did but I really don't. I wish I could read and revisit and do a shitty psychoanalysis of him. But I can't, and now he's the only one who knows what really happened, and I'll have to live with it.

There were no words. Never any words, never any pain. So again, I'm fine, and I'm okay. And he's great and fun and funny and I love him and I care about him and I'm always joking with him and he's a terrible person and I hate him and I wish I knew how his brain works and what he was thinking and still thinks and I'll never forgive him, but it's okay. It's really okay. As long as I was the only one who suffered. As long as I'm the only one who continues to suffer for my silence.

I think the only reason I still think about it so much is because I never got closure. I never got an explanation. I never understood why. I don't know if he's an irredeemable monster or if he at least feels guilty. I don't know what he was thinking, because there were never any words. And I'm glad there weren't any words and I was "asleep" because it makes it easier to interact with him and pretend it never happened, that it was someone else and everything's still okay.

But there were never any words, so I don't have anything to work with. Nothing to draw conclusions from, nothing to psychoanalyze him with. I don't know what he was thinking, I don't know what happened. I want closure, I want to understand. But I'm scared of whatever will lead up to the conversation, and the conversation itself. I'm scared of the acknowledgment and how it'll change everything irrevocably. I'm scared of getting closure, but I need it too. I need to understand.

Did you feel bad? Did you think of how it'll hurt me? Did it hurt you? Or were you indifferent to it all? Did you just not care or –fuck–was it some big joke? Was it funny? Was it amusing? Do you feel entitled to me? How fucking dare you? How could you? How fucking could you? You loved me. You were great to me, you still are sometimes. You're my big brother, man. I loved you. I love you. You were supposed to be my hero and I fucking swear to God you were. What the fuck happened to you? What made you this way? How could you do that to me? How could you do that and still look at me in the fucking eye? How? Why? I deserve to know.

But please don't tell me. I don't know what I'll do if I find out the extent of your monstrosity. I don't want you to fall even lower. I like to think you can't, but I know that's not true. Especially after what I learnt about Z- There's always room to fall.

But anyway – Reggie. I'd been brave enough to write a chapter of my life for the first time in that journal. It was the last story Reggie got to know. I'd never been brave enough to actually write about how I'd been hurt. I could never even write his name when I tried to make a record of what I went through – I was always smart (or sentimental?) enough to try and and keep a record, some proof, dated and organized. I was smart enough – but not brave. Maybe because my coping mechanism was pretending he was two different people, or maybe because writing it would make it real; I'd lived long enough without acknowledging it (even more so without understanding it), maybe if I ignored it long enough it would just go away. But the story I wrote in it wasn't even about that exactly. It was an older story; It was about how all of it might've been my fault. About how maybe I was always a fucked up child. But the story also brings me comfort – it reminds me that I've always been me, that the person I am today is because of the person I always was. That there was no influence that made me this way. I am what I was.

The termites consuming Reggie also reminded me of the old Islamic story about how the Boycott of Banu Hashim ended – the parchment holding the banishment declaration by the Meccans had been eaten by termites, except for the word Allah – the name of God. I thought it'd be interesting if this was God's way of sending me some message I have yet to decipher.

But I don't believe in God. Maybe life would've been easier if I did; if I could have found peace in He who I could not see, could not touch. If I could've found the same relief that my friends and family find in His words, His presence.

But I never felt His presence. I tried, I really did (maybe I didn't, maybe I should've tried harder?). During my last try, I made the resolution to offer all my prayers one Ramadan. I thought if I manage to nail down all the worship obligations, actual faith might follow somehow.

I lasted two days. I cried on the prayer mat during Fajr both times, like my mother does all the time, but I doubt it was for the same reasons as her, or lead to the same result. I did not feel at peace, and I did not feel seen and heard by the Creator; I had never felt more alone, more abandoned. My heart did not feel a little less heavy; it had never felt heavier.

I cried because I was desperate the cycle wouldn't repeat. I wanted to believe there was someone who could make it stop, someone who could make sure that others didn't follow in his footsteps. It did stop, eventually. But I think that's just how it was supposed to be – not because some deity cared enough to make it stop. He doesn't care about us, but if you don't agree with that, I envy you. I wish I believed what you believe.

But I'm also glad I don't. So I will just exist, till one day I don't. And you won't remember me, and He won't care, and no one will greet me at the Gates of Heaven or throw me in the depths of Hell, because neither exist.

I hope.

[logicalstansadvice]

Some anons calling his mom dumb and claiming she abandoned him, when he always thx her for providing for him... How can some people be like that? They shit on him, on his life, on his career, on his gf and now on his mom? Wtf kind of fandom is this?

Mods, pls help me understand. Some of you are also in other actors fandoms as well. Do other celeb's fans behave the same way? Because this to me is crazy, aside for your blog all the other ones are full of hateful anons. He has hate blogs not fan blogs.

Is this normal and I am crazy for being surprised? I'm not saying everyone should kiss his ass but all he seems to get is hate and is criticized even for how he sits at a table. I have not seen anything like this until now. But I've only been in the fandom of a singer aside from his, so maybe I'm clueless.

Anon 2: I am so done with this fandom. They actually called his mother dumb and made other hasty comments in regards to her.

Anon 3: I hope his team looks at this blogs and tell him what his "fans" call his mother. I am totally disgusted. We truly don't deserve him.

Anon 4: Maybe I'm too emotional cause I'm pms-ing like crazy, but I actually cried a little when I saw what they said about his mother. These people should have their internet privileges revoked. They are vile and trash. I really hope Sebastian doesn't see that. Some believe him or his team keep tabs on his blogs sometimes. For his sake, I hope that's not true. And if he does see it, I hope he does something about it. No one's mother should end up the trash talk of pathetic desperate fans who judge everything like they are freakin god. I hate this fandom! Sebastian doesn't deserve this.

Anon 5: They are idiots! I'm sorry but I can't anymore. I need to vent. I'm sick of them! Now they go after his family too, cause it's not enough they called him, his dick and his gf all sorts of names. It's the parents turn apparently. Some people should be committed. Seriously. You have to be disturbed to do and say some of the things they do/say. Fans my ass. Wtf are they doing on his blogs, I wonder? Make it make sense. Why come to his blogs if you hate him so much? Why? Why would you wanna even think about someone you loathe?

Anon 6: I am disgusted with this fandom beyond belief. I follow tumblr blogs of other actors too and never have I ever seen such stupidity, entitlement, slander and borderline sociophatic behavior, as in Sebastian's fandom. Some people really need to get their head checked. And all these youngsters judging life by sm posts need a good wake up call. Ffs this is truly getting ridiculous!

Anon 7: When I thought I've seen it all and that nothing would surprise me, I see anons calling his mom dumb and other nasty names. Seb should go get bathed in holy water or smth, to get the "curse" of this fandom of his back. It's like they've gone mental attacking his family, criticizing the way he sits at a table like it's forbiden to sit next to your gf/bf. They are beyond idiotic! I would be so curious to meet these people in real life, just to see how stupidity and ignorance looks like.

Anon 8: Can we make a vaccine to cure stupidity and vile behaviour too? It would be so useful in this forsaken fandom. I am so done. Never thought I'd read something like this.

Vamp - some "fans" believe that Seb has "done them wrong" so they feel the need to punish him until he sees the error of his ways.

Many go around trying to recruit followers to their cause in an attempt to legitimize their crusade and make it appear that hundreds of his fans have taken up arms.

Lady Danger - Ugh THIS FANDOM. They’re trashing his mom now for deigning to want a better life for her and her child by looking for work in a safer place while his family looked after him. Family he loved. God forbid she want to escape communism.

Le Chef - This is privilege through and through. As a person who grew up, at a certain point, with a very young mother who sometimes had to leave me for a few months at a time with a stable grandparent while she got her shit together so she could provide a home and food for a child, this actually pisses me off.

This woman was trying to figure out how to get a child out of communism with nothing but herself. Like, imagine how hard is was for HER to have to leave her child with his grandparents and be with out him on her own in a foreign country. probably barely knew the language. just trying to FIGURE shit out. Like?

He wasn't abandoned. he was with family. family he loved. and who loved him just as much as his mother.

Vamp - I need these people to experience some family hardship and then get back to me. Better yet, go birth some babies, have the father of your babies walk out and be left to raise them as a single parent in an unstable country. Until then they need to STFU.

Lady Danger - With “fans” like these, who needs enemies? The best thing anyone can do is unfollow, block, report blogs like those. Without attention, they wither and die off.

Vamp - Usually it's just a handful of fans who need to go nap and let us adults drink our wine and continue our conversation.

Le Chef - Why don't they ask his daddy why he couldn't come back to Romania and take care of his fucking son and help out so that they could have gotten out without separation.

Heroine - These fans are asking to get smacked. Seb adores his mother & probably would hit them with an immediate block. This woman was in her early/mid 20s, poor, and doing it on her own in a country suffering other authoritarian rule. This was most likely last resort for survival. Anyone with sense would know this is not abandoning a child. If it were his ass still would have been in Romania. Based on stories he told, it sounds like she went back and scooped her baby up ASAP.

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