#i'm still crying ok

[cosimad]

You’re family, Viktor, okay? And there’s nothing -- nothing that would make me love you less.

Bonus: 

#the umbrella academy #the umbrella academy spoilers #tua #tua spoilers #elliot page #viktor hargreeves #allison hargreeves #i'm still crying ok #gifs by rachel #tuaedit #tua edit #this was beautiful #1k #2k

[shadeswift99]

Obsessed with whatever tf Beef and Iskall have going on right now. world's most divorced couple that were never married

#hermitcraft #do i maintag can people be normal #doing it because i want more people to watch iskall and beef they deserve it #also imo if you're a 3L scar and grian enjoyer. just. go check out whatever these guys are up to #real hand in unlovable hand energy here #...ok I'm still watching beef's ep while typing and got to the shoulder to cry on part this is so funny Please go watch Beef hdhfhfhsh

[fyoht]

season 2 + nods to 'crowley was raphael' truthers

#personally i quite enjoy being delulu #golden tooth truther here I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT MEANS BUT I KNOW IT MEANS THINGS. #aLSO. THE PAUSE. WHEN GABRIEL TRIES TO REMEMBER THE NAME. MUSIC SWELLING. #a fakeout if i ever saw one #(you can't) change my mind #and listen i love the 'crowley was a nobody' theory just as much but they threw that one out the window with the file reveal #so. #crowley is lucifer theory is uh fun but i can't get behind it whoops #good omens #crowley #crowley was raphael #good omens 2 spoilers #ok that's too many tags already. if you're still reading PLEASE RECOMMEND ME FICS. #and also if you want a gifset send an ask cause i'm obsessed #also! feel like most of these are from heaven-times. and yeah. more 'crowley in heaven' content @neil gaiman please #crying over the gif quality btw

[fisheito]

collab #2 with @xenole i was given a chibi yakumo and i.. i...... turned it into thiS

#I AM SO SORRY I DREW YAKUMO AGAIN ADFSJEIADKS LOOK OK so xenole gives me the tiny crying yakumo. #says DO WHATEVER YOU WANT and THUS i get to thinking #my immediate thought was #i'm going to make oli breast boobily while comforting him #bc i was determined to draw xenole's fave this time. i swore it to myself. i WILL stop being so self indulgent #but the chibi on chibi comforting scene didn't sit right with me. it was too straightforward. not something i would draw normally #it was hhhh as u say.... not on brand.? it did not inspire me. idea benched.... #so days pass and i'm still pondering ideas on what to do to the sad spaghetti. #configurations of clan members danced in my head. some defending yaku. some comforting. some bullying #the ideas usually involved at least oli or kuya bc once again. xenole bias #then while i'm in the shower i got frustrated with my lack of ideas and thought #i'll jujst eat.him. just. chew on him. i'm tired of him #AND THE IMAGE OF KUYA EATING YAKUMO FOR BREAKFAST POPPED INTO MY MIND #originally it was going to be kuya eating yakuflakes and oli giving him serious side eye but then the brain went #WHAT IF IT'S YAKUMO WATCHING KUYA EAT YAKUMO. THAT IS FUNNY. IT MUMST HAPPEEN #BUT I REFUSED at first. i was angry at myself. this is not a competition to see how you can STILL sHOVE YAKUMO into a drawing. #plus the composition would shrink xenole's chibi down! i would take over so much space by comparison! THE DISRESPECT! TO THE COLLAB PROCESS #but once i get fixated on smth...well. i ended up doing the idea and just praying xenole wouldnt eviscerate me for it #i'm sorry my liege. my grip on the reins was weak. the goofy clown horses went stampeding #so idk now it's the two of em having a peaceful breakfast in kuya's cabin but only kuya is at peace and yakumo's this close to a breakdown #i feel like there should be something in the space between them. a speech bubble or something . something mean is being said #kuya #yakumo #yakuya

[mintypsii]

one piece x steven universe au where instead of being a crystal gem, luffy is sort of a rogue who flies around in a spaceship adventuring through space and making/recruiting friends on different planets and gem colonies, he was inspired by earthlings and now he wants to live freely without the constraints of gem roles and expectations (tagging this with #gem piece)

#ok im leaving these in the tags because I'm still not 100% sure for these but #usopp. obviously bismuth (inventor; touchy hugger and funny; black coding; fight with mc like in w7; rainbow cough gay also he's artistic) #i could keep going on ab usopp but anyways . the second im p sure about is sanji as a sapphire #like u got the whole running away from ur royal duty thing it's crazy . also he's blue #i was talking this au over with a friend and he mentioned how sanji would have 2 eyes and that's why he'd be ostracized which is so real #SANJI'S AN OFF COLOUR #oomf said sanji would be pearl because bispearl (which is so real) and also lapidot works for sanuso which is so 😭😭 CRYING #idk about the others feel free to drop ur ideas and stuff i need to hear em #i have doodles for this au idk if anyone gaf tho 😞😞 bye #oh also the crystal gems r the revolutionary army :3 i think it fits better idr think luffy would be into that stuff #op #one piece #steven universe #su #monkey d luffy #sanuso #usosan #technically because this au was born from a sanuso idea 😭😭😭 #sanji #usopp #gem piece

[toaster-fire-art]

guess who binge read jjk in a night :')

#my art #toasterfireart #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fanart #sorry to everyone #i'm unwell #yuji itadori #itadori yuji #choso kamo #jjk itadori #jjk choso #screaming crying throwing up #the brainrot settled into my bones like lead #ok that started when I 1st started watching it and then everything went down hill and I was like no i have to read it #idk if i like it but i have so so many sketches now you'll see... #i still don't know how to tag for anime fandoms they scare me sometimes #lol

[lilkisara]

#thesandmanedit #sandmanedit #the sandman #dream of the endless #calliope #morpheus #mine[3] #ohhhhhhhhh #I just realized that he probably wanted to touch her before #but he was so obviously holding himself back #for so many reasons #obvious ones and not so obvious ones #but here she initiates the intimacy #this is huge #ok I'm not okay #I'm having way too many feels #couples that were together once and then drifted apart for reasons and still love each other #that's my kryptonite #ok bye world #imma gonna cry now #some more

[spanieltower]

Readthrough with da NezumiVA crew is going strong, we're just nearing the end of episode 3 now, and I think at some point in the last stream I realised that in Umineko, all of the members of the Ushiromiya family are part of the nightmarish soul destroying inner family politics, and most of the servants have been so badly abused they don't even see themselves as human and don't realise something wrong has been done to them. Kumasawa is in a weird grey area because we don't really know her full deal other than in the magical version of events she's a gosh dang witch.

These two on the other hand?

Nanjo is just a doctor. He wants to do his job, and he has a friendship with Kinzo (even though Kinzo also sucks)

Gohda cooka da meatball.

They're simple. They're wonderful. They're just normal people! I made this kind of shitposty art to commemorate that. That in all of this magic fuckery and all this patriarchal bullshittery we have two rocks of normalcy.

(yes I know they might be the culprits/accomplices in one or more of the murders but they're still simple on paper don't ruin this!)

I'm excited to see the conclusion of episode 3 tonight/tomorrow morning/whatever! The plot's in a spot where I'm really not sure what's going to happen next, so it's very engaging. If you happen to see this before the stream goes live or ends, I'd highly reccomend checking it out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99l5xhO0Wos . It's a fun time! Just no spoilies in chat.

Oh also, I figured I'd also add my good friend Daisy's (daisyhrlock on Insta!) and Dante's (dantelorde here and Insta!) treasured input when I posted a WIP of this on our Discord server:

Truly visionaries.

(Oh also I'm gonna post 4/13 art tomorrow and comms are still open OK byeeeeee!!)

#art #drawing #my art #digital art #fanart #fanart friday #it's still technically Friday when I'm posting this OK! #artists on tumblr #nezumiva #nezumivastream #umineko #umineko no naku koro ni #when they cry #umineko spoilers #terumasa nanjo #nanjo terumasa #toshiro gohda #gohda toshiro #beatrice the golden witch #ronove #shitpost

[bruhstation]

the journey of gordon juniperus gresley (and still ongoing)

#thomas the tank engine #thomas and friends #ttte gordon #senjart #casa tidmouth #casa tidmouth act 2 #my everything. godddd I love him so so much #he's like. objectively the best character in the whole series #also I think he and scott were really close as kids #esp. with only one year age difference and how scott continuously supported him despite their family's situation #(imo their rivalry in tgr was one sided from gordon's part. scott's just balling while gordon still wants to overpass him) #like ok. I know this is a post about gordon but I think scott needs some appreciation with how he prioritizes his brother over himself #bro's probably emotionally devastated too with losing his siblings and father. but he still has his little brother #gordon probably felt like he owes scott a lot. but he's bad at words (ALL gresleys are) and he has his own set of problems SOOOOOO #and gordon. even though he lost so many people in his life he still keeps on going. he never gives up because- #-despite how much he complaints and boasts about himself he firmly believes that things will eventually turn out okay for him #aggresive optimist. something like that? you get what I'm trying to say #like a coworker would say ''this is hopeless'' and gordon would just say ''you're being ridiculous'' #anyways enough of me talking. I wanna draw scott's and gordon's railway show designs BUT WHEN? LET'S SEE #(crying at little gordon. it shows from his eyes that he has no idea what's about to happen to him)

[lunarharp]

qifrey's birthday and silly stuff

#witch hat tag #orufrey #excerpt is from my 30k failing eye fic (link in pinned) which has a birthday scene. i revisited and edited it again and it is now 30k :) #kerplunk thing is because of a mysterious game that shirahama has drawn orufrey playing before and to me it looks like Kerplunk. #a kids' game from this 'Real World' which we live in. card game is Cheat from neopets. but it's a real game. i want to play it for real.... #you lie and cheat in it..hence the name..and 'branston the eyrie you are a bold one' classic neopets tumblr post...no....ok then..... #'hey qif i know we're obsessed with witches' kerplunk but we used to play cheat all the time what happened to that??' #'oh. i just..don't like lying to you. i don't like how it feels.' 'oh haha i guess that's a good thing. ok let's play kerplunk instead ^_^' #'mm. *dying inside crying in the rain in my soul*' #i dislike trying to illustrate my writing. i resent myself for having described oru's captivating mysterious smile so perfectly #i can't draw that. i know what it looks like perfectly in my mind and i am right there on that roof but i can't draw it satisfyingly enough #writing comes from a different part of my brain. there's different things in there. i'm glad i wrote out some of what i can't draw. #then there are things that i don't write or draw but which are still a crucial ongoing facet of my orufrey mindscape. #the Written orufrey the Drawn orufrey and the Unspoken orufrey... three faces of a beautiful irreplaceable jewel in my heart... #could a depressed person do THAT.

[pinkcrittertomb]

I, no joke, often dream about a scenario where Sanji realizes he can fight women without disrespecting them. Something happen or someone open his eyes, saying that he "respect" women so much by not fighting them that he is straight up disrespecting women by not seeing them as worth fighters, that may exist women who will take advantage of it (like we see zillions of times in the anime) but there is nothing more humiliating than someone not seeing you as worth to a fight and refusing to fight you as equal

#this text may be all wrong written but i'm too tired to write english properly rn #anyway can you see the vision? i'm so tired of sanji bullshit #he having a Mob like moment when Mob got the talk from that muscular lady #<-- it's been years since i watched it and still makes me cry #ok i will not lie like i don't find it funny when a woman be like “oh nooo don't kill meee i'm a defenseless fragile girl :(((” #because like. that's her problem #but now if a man be like “i refuse to fight this gorgeous female thing because i respect woman by not taking them seriously” #<-- die. see women as equal or fucking die no one will miss you. #one piece #black leg sanji #sanji #woman rights #op

[bytebun]

hey don’t cry. 10 million blorbos from your shows, okay?

#commander cody #obi-wan kenobi #uh. i guess implied #codywan #star wars #bytebun draws #ok on twitter sometimes japanese artists i follow will caption their au posts with 'delusion for those who can accept anything' #(and then explain the au) (or at least that's what google translate tells me) #that's how i feel about this one. #can't imagine a universe where this guy would sit down to play mario cart w his bf's family after an obvious crying jag #but like maybe he watched legally blond or something & got rlly moved #abt the main character finding her own path with an identity separate from her partner without losing the core elements of her personality #and self-expression. and also winning at the law. you know? #au cody can have elle woods as his blorbo. #in my au where he's doing law things re: clone citizenship #but also fuck stylizing crying genuinely hard. idk if i can get stylistically simpler than the first pic & still convey the precise emotion #that i want. i'm cheating there with like some actual shading instead of hard lines... more studying required #it's like difficult to draw people crying bc/ it's one of those emotions that changes the whole shape of your face... the invert of a #beaming smile. the tears aren't the important part... that's why the 'stoic guy sheds single tear trope' is so funny #they're out there w their plastic immobile faces and a fake tear when the important part is all those scrunched up microexpressions #someone trying rlly hard not to cry has the deeper mouth corners & tense brow-eyelid combo & that wrinkle near the nostril #unfortunately all of these lines are also the only indication of old age in most anime lmao so its so so hard to figure out how to draw em #shld do some ch*insawman or g*lden kmy studies probably. those guys r pretty good at funny looking faces

[silenceinternalmonologue]

there are many tragic things about the final lair sequence in phantom of the opera but what gets me the most is the way christine’s kiss--a singular gesture of affection--is enough to change erik’s mind, crumble his motivations, bring down his facade of all-powerful villain. one second he’s making an ultimatum with murder in the balance, the next he’s pushing everyone away so that he can never hurt them again. the first loving touch he ever received was enough to banish all the hate in his heart, except that which is directed at himself.

#phantom of the opera #poto #erik #erik phantom #erik x christine #e/c #i'm going through it ok #i just watched a different version #and i'm still crying #my bad

[thedreadvampy]

The thing is I am definitely not happy or chill in the Immediate Sense lately but I am, big picture, so fucking happy with the person I am.

It's like. My brain was made by and for consistent trauma and since that trauma stopped about 5-7 years ago, it is incredible what the amount of resilience and cleverness and flexibility and thoughtfulness I developed to survive can do when it's not being all spent on surviving. like I had a hundred ton weight on me so I had to get REALLY STRONG to stay in the same place and not get 100% crushed, and when that weight came off I found I can use the strength it used to take to stand up and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

I was talking to my mum the other day and she said, "you've got the 'fuck it' energy at 30 that most women don't find until their fifties at least" and I'm like yeah man. Imagine how unstoppable I'll be in 20 years.

#red said #i don't know that i can express this clearly but it's the most encouraging thing in my life #my mum's always been proud of me but just lately she seems to actually really admire me #like she's genuinely impressed. she thinks I've surpassed her. i don't necessarily agree but it's a really nice quiet joy. #anyway like this sounds super up myself and it kind of is. #but also it's part of realising just how heavy the weight I've been carrying around with me for 25 years was #like not to be ridiculous but i have realised again this week. that it isn't that everyone's been raped that much and doesn't talk about it #i just have been raped an Unusually Consistent Amount. i have spoken to a lot of people who have had much more horrifying things happen. #I'm not sure I've talked to more than a couple of people who've had a similar level of total consistency of abuse from all angles #and the one is not heavier or harder to bear that the other. but. i think i spent most of my life listening to people's awful experiences #and going ok well nothing i went through looked that bad so it's microtrauma #obviously microtraumas build up but still. #then the older i get and the more i have these conversations the more I notice that stuff which to me is a microtrauma #is a lot of people's defining trauma. and they're reacting appropriately which means i am SO SEVERELY UNDERREACTING #told my friend the other day about a time someone who i still like and respect was having sex with me when i paralocated my hip #and then just kept getting really annoyed with me for not being ready to have sex again while i was literally crying with pain #until i caved and just tried to find the last painful position #and my friend was like pal what the fuck that's horrific #and i was like i mean no that's normal I've had sex with like maybe 3 or 4 people in my life who i haven't had similar stuff with #like i am genuinely thrown when i am allowed to say no to sex and have it be the end of the conversation. and not end up having sex #out of guilt or out of physical coercion or through physical rape. and i have had sex with probably like 40 people at this stage? #and I'm not sure it's as many as 4 i haven't had that experience with tbh #so like. I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea #that i may have actually been doing a hell of a lot of heavy lifting. #like i developed a sense of self that can survive being constantly crushed and at this stage is fucking diamond.

[pallanophblargh]

I think part of me expected this burnout would last a long time, but it’s drawing close to a year now. I have a strong reason to suspect medications are prolonging it. Granted: I have no intention of stopping medication, but I suspect I may need to make some changes. It’s been nice not to feel burning rage/crippling despair/panic most of the time, but I also miss being able to actually... act on things! Start things! Feel some semblance of motivation, as fleeting as it is. Mostly my reaction to prompts of any kind are “nah, don’t wanna” or “so what?” which isn’t terribly conducive to anything more than day to day life. (Y’all, I can’t even reliably plan my vacation and that’s pretty terrible.)

I’m saying this in part as a sort of explanation as to why I’ve been so slow to respond to anything, or post any art, or even re-open commissions this past year. I just... generally can’t make myself do anything that isn’t a part of my daily maintenance routine. Knowing that making art (even personal art) takes 3x times as long to complete is a standout reason I’ve been refusing to reopen commissions especially, since I’d be unwilling to make clients wait more than a few months for even something as simple as a sketch. People were patient enough with “Old Me,” I don’t think most would hold out for “New Me.”

Thankfully I’m speaking to my doctor tomorrow regarding my experiences on the current medication, and maybe I can find something that works a little better. I feel like I’ve been pretty fortunate so far, all things considered, and my side effects have been fairly mild. (Though I have suspicions it’s also thinning out my hair something fierce... probably time for supplements for that issue!)

Hopefully I’ll figure it out sooner rather than later? Either way, I’m learning to accept things as they are these days. 

#April rambles #text post #mental health #medication #I know I'm one of the lucky ones but I'm still not discounting my aggravations #like yeah I'd like to think I should be capable of motivation #but at what cost? #and I never thought I'd care so much about hair loss but yikes I never had a lot of hair to begin with #wanting to cry anytime I see someone with a full head of thick hair #guess I'm kinda shallow after all lol #I have some beef regarding my other issues and suspicions but whatever #I can deal with them later #but I still find it hard to believe I've been assigned Just Anxiety instead of low grade well masked ADHD #Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh whatever #I'm a pleasant zombie for the most part are you happy? #I can't be arsed to do really anything are you sure that's just anxiety? #I'm literally masquerading as an apathetic potato most of the time now with meds so yeah ok sure? #we'll get there someday I hope #shit count my blessings it could be so much worse

[rovsstuffs]

y'all.

#falsettos #stephanie j block #brandon uranowitz #the parallels are there #i'm still crying #tony awards #not me flooding the falsettos tag with tonys shit #it's ok guys i know you y'all appreciate it #falsettos 2016