#i'm unlovable

[notdelusionalatall]

It's even more painful listening to their excuses, like honey, I get it. You have your priorities, it's fine.

I don't mean anything to anyone. :)

#meme #memes #painful #i have no friends #no one loves me #i'm terrible #i hate myself #everyone hates me #i know #breakups #betrayal #when your friends make plans without you #“friends” #yeah #sure #gtfo #i'm unlovable #actually #i am very unlovable

[heartlessdevil97]

Sometimes I'm very close to saying "goodbye" forever...

#thoughts #spilled thoughts #deep thoughts #sad thoughts #unloved #i'm unlovable #i'm alone #no one loves me #no one cares #midnight

[brain-dumps-and-other-things]

An Empty Table

Why do I find myself so, unlovable? Because I bring nothing to the table. I can't make people happy, I can't bring in excitement, I can't hold a conversation, I'm anxious and depressed, I can't bring in anything worth while.

I want to be able to give, but all I feel like I ever do it take, even when I'm taking nothing, I'm still taking space. I take, and take, and take, and never give, or at that's what it feels like. Any interests I have are boring, any experiences I want to have are too scary for me to try, skills I have are mediocre at best, and trying to talk to me feels like repeatedly hitting the "A" button in a video game.

I'm unlovable, because I'm nothing, I bring nothing, I give nothing, I'm not Worth loving. I'm not Worth the time or effort. I can't even just sit and look pretty, not even that.

I have nothing to give, that's why I'm unlovable

#depression #sorry for being depressing #i'm unlovable #unlovable #i feel empty #running on empty #i'm so sorry

[misfit-among-the-angels]

I want to feel loved but...

#I'm unlovable #and it's so difficult because I'm too needy #personal

[loveisntnirvana]

The worst of it all is that I know exactly why I'm so alone

I'm fucking unbearable and I don't judge anyone for not liking me

I don't even like myself

But being alone and knowing no one loves you is terrible

#i'm unlovable

[disturbed-barbie]

I’m just so tired…

#self #on my mind #depression #self harm #suicide #unloved #i'm unlovable

[mynameisbillandimaheadcase]

.

#I'm currently spiraling #but not in a completely detached and funny way #I'm unlovable #I'm too much #my self worth has plummeted #I'm trying to do anything else that going to bed #i don't think i will manage staying alone with those feelings

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

#dungeon meshi spoilers #mithrun #dungeon meshi #this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme #half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is #someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality #his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though #he says he tried to see the worst in them. #hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on #wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore. #but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once #snakes #long post #severe problems #meshy

[shesmyevangeline]

not me crying over the ace rep in heartbreak high again. 'i feel like someone's always gonna be making a sacrifice if they'd want to be with me' i mean that shit hits so fucking hard. i've really never had a character i could relate to as much as i do to ca$h

#personal #heartbreak high #heartbreak high spoilers #asexuality #what really made me cry though was his nan being so sweet and kind and supporting him always #like god i know what it feels like to feel unloveable #or like you will never be in a relationship #and to hear those comforting words i'm ❤️ #what this show does to me is2g

[gomzdrawfr]

it's hard loving yourself

#i can't keep lying to myself #how do you love something that is so unlovable #i'm poison. i come from poison. i have poison inside me and i destroy everything i touch. that's my legacy. #i pour alcohol into the gaping hole inside my chest. it does not heal. not today. maybe tomorrow. maybe it wont heal ever #smoke fills my chest . empty it can be #yet so full of your absence #im nothing but an empty husk of what I once was #and a big part of me was already forcefully ripped away from me when you left #hello hi im back with ghoap angst #can you believe its been a whole week since i drew them #anyways #gummmyart #doodle #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #soapghost #ghostsoap #angst #implied mcd

[heartlessdevil97]

"Too lazy for a suicide. I just watch the days pass, hoping to die"

#thoughts #spilled thoughts #deep thoughts #sad thoughts #unloved #i'm unlovable #true lyrics #midnight thinking

[idontwannathinkdude]

31/05/22

just found out my crush has a girlfriend

a week after finding out my other crush has one too

it hurts, because they both acted like i had a chance

i guees i didn't

but most of all i just feel like... maybe there's no way for someone to be interested in me

maybe the problem is me

and i'll never experience teenage love

and i'll just be alone forever

#i'm done #i feel like a problem #i'm a burden #i'm unlovable #please someone love me #depressiv #kinda depressing #no love #i just wanna be loved #i just wanna be held #diary entry #depressing stuff #your typical teenage depression shit

[tzarrz]

to all people who said PART 1 made them laugh - i lov u 💗 this is for u

#look...i know it's been a month but hear me out- #guys don't yell he's really trying okay!! #NOT a mean ww truther bc he really isn't mean like at all #not in an intentional way #he's just stressed and embarrassed and tipsy here give him a break #he's swagless & thinks it's yet another reason he's unlovable (untrue) #dont worry woowoo vash also severely lacks in the swag department #but funny doodles aside i have other more serious art of them already posted + in the works #their understanding of each other ends up being so deep #but at the same time they manage to be so utterly stupid about it #how do they manage? i don't know #they just make me want to tear my hair out #you're important to each other!!!! get!! that!!! thru!! ur! HEADS!!!! #neither of them think they deserve what they want/need #i'm inconsolable actually nobody talk to me (talk to me please) #see using words isn't so hard. stupid fictional men #(she thought she did something with those tags) #times are hard but i stay silly #by that i mean i re-read vol 10 #on the daily. #vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #nicholas d wolfwood #trimax #trigun #tzarrz

[shadeswift99]

Obsessed with whatever tf Beef and Iskall have going on right now. world's most divorced couple that were never married

#hermitcraft #do i maintag can people be normal #doing it because i want more people to watch iskall and beef they deserve it #also imo if you're a 3L scar and grian enjoyer. just. go check out whatever these guys are up to #real hand in unlovable hand energy here #...ok I'm still watching beef's ep while typing and got to the shoulder to cry on part this is so funny Please go watch Beef hdhfhfhsh

[weaponizedducks]

the merlin ending is so heartbreaking. arthur is discovering for the first time exactly who merlin is. morgana is tightly holding on to her last shred of hope, realising all of her efforts were in vain. gwen waits for a husband who will never come home, and camelot waits with her. gwaine dies for nothing, in percivals arms, and percival watches. arthur feels he's been lied to for ten years, and merlin thinks he hates him. morgana dies alone, unloved. we as the viewers are given the last shred of hope, the miniscule belief that he might just lives, but it is in vain. merlins efforts, his life, his destiny, is in vain. he has failed. Arthur dies anyway. gwen and Leon and percival and merlin are the only originals left. merlin spends the rest of his life and many more waiting for arthur, and that is how it ends. on a positive so faint it can barely be heard. it ends with a broken queen and a grieving kingdom and a failed sorcerer and a dead king. it ends, centuries later, with arthur gone and merlin waiting

#morgana does NOT die unloved I love her so much #but srsly I'm in tears #why the fuck would the BBC do this #gotta fucking bone to pick with the bbc #no actually I do love the ending #it's so tragic it means people will talk about it #it's horrible and heartbreaking and tragic and real #merlin #bbc merlin #merthur #arthur pendragon #blue rewatches merlin #blue analyses things

[bunnighost]

#vent edit #worthless #useless #unlovable #friendless #actuallytraumatized #traumacore #depression #loneliness #avpd #actuallymentallyill #i never fit in #i never belong #i'm all alone #so lonely #everyone always ends up disliking me #or get bored of me #they always care about others more than me #i'm never important to anyone #nobody ever cares about me