#idk maybe this will help someone

[weaselle]

RECOVERY

I spent a lot of my life depressed without admitting it to myself and then i spent a year so depressed i could hardly make myself do the bare minimum to keep my body alive, and now it's about 3 years since i got up from that lowest point and while i am still struggling with myself things are objectively a lot better.

and i just want to put a couple things i've learned, both to remind myself of how far i've come, and in case any of what i've experienced helps anyone else.

You can't run from the darkness

When you're super depressed it's easy to focus on how much you don't want to be depressed. When everything is darkness you tend to wish you could escape that darkness.

but you can't. The darkness is all around you. You can't run away from it without running deeper into it.

instead, follow the light.

don't think of it as escaping depression, think of it as seeking joy. Don't run away from the darkness, walk toward any lights you can see.

At first it will be very small things. The taste of a food. The way your favorite color looks. A smell you like. For me one of the first things i could find to remind me of joy was the way a warm shower feels.

I would just stand in the shower and lean into the tiny, tiny joy of that feeling. I would describe it to myself, how it felt good, what about it felt good. It didn't cure me, it didn't make me less depressed, but it was a little point of joy to focus on, to breathe into like a tiny candle flame in my darkness.

I would memorize that feeling, so that later, when i felt like nothing ever brought me joy anymore, i could think, no, that's your depression lying to you, you felt joy, however small, right there in the shower just yesterday. And, maybe there is more somewhere else.

Even today, it's been a hard week, i'm feeling a lot of hopeless and helpless feelings clamoring away at me, but... i have spicy soup. And spicy soup is a NEW joy. I found spicy soup joy as i was following any little light i could out of the deepest part of my depression.

I never put hot sauce in soup before then. But today i am drinking the broth of a very spicy soup and as much as everything else is complicated and difficult and scary and dark, there is a bright mote of joy in this sip of spicy soup. And in the next one. And the next. I enjoy it, i love it, all the more that it is new, and if i had given up four years ago, i never would have known this small joy, this new favorite tiny thing.

Who knows what other little joys i may find?

If you have come to a place in life where you have lost the knowledge of how to feel joy, it is important to remember that feeling joy is like anything else in life. The more you practice, the better you get, the more of it you can do at higher levels.

And there are only so many minutes in the day. The more of them you spend acknowledging what feels good, the less of them will be left for feeling bad.

you can't escape the darkness by fleeing from it, but you can find the light by moving toward it.

Chop Wood Fetch Water

Another thing i learned was a truth about the exercise advice you always hear.

For where i am in my recovery now, common exercise has very little impact. I don't really get the endorphins people talk about, and i don't tend to feel better about myself after i work out unless i already feel pretty okay about myself to begin with. i don't mean to say there is no point in me exercising, but, i walk about ten miles a day holding onto 8 energetic dogs and i do a fair amount of lifting and bending and stuff for my job, and it's fine but it's not, like, doing a whole lot for me at this point in my recovery (tho i do think more recreational exercise will come back into play a stage or two on in my healing process)

HOWEVER

There was a year there where i was only getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. When i was only able to force myself to eat just enough each day to stay alive because i'd made a promise to myself, and that promise was almost all i had left.

and the right kind of exercise is what pulled me out of that.

the RIGHT kind.

See, someone close to me needed help with a physical job. That was an important part and why this method is known historically as some variation of Chop Wood Carry Water -- it's intensely physical, which is important, but also, it helps the people around you. These days our personal communities tend to not need wood copped and water carried the same way. But you can get the same effect helping someone move all their furniture, doing all the yard work for your friends and/or family, volunteering for a charity that builds housing for homeless people, SOMEthing physically taxing that helps people.

In my case, my aging father needed help re-shingling the roof. So i promised i'd help.

So i got up every morning because he was expecting me. And i climbed the ladder because he would see me if i didn't. And i lifted and carried and hammered and worked hard. It took a week of six to eight hour days.

Right away, the fact that it was helping someone else made it not matter so much that it didn't feel like it was helping me at first. I couldn't deny that i was doing something good, that my existence had positive meaning, however small.

But very soon, it changed something fundamental in my state of depression. You can't do physical labor in the sun 7 hours a day without drinking a bunch of water. Without working up an appetite. Without getting very tired at the end of the day.

See, i had been struggling to make myself drink enough water, i was fighting to make myself eat even one small meal's worth of food each day, and i couldn't get a good night's sleep to save my life. And these things all made my depression much much worse. You think you get sad or angry from skipping a meal, consider being chronically undernourished. You think your mental state is worse after pulling an all nighter, think about what never getting a good night's sleep does.

But a couple days into this job with my father, and suddenly i was hydrated, i was eating full meals, and i was sleeping soundly at night.

THAT is what pulled me out of that deepest part of my depression.

So in a way, it was exercise that saved me. But not how people often say "have you tried exercising?" More like pushing myself physically to the point that my body demanded the things that previously i couldn't get it to want for itself.

Instead of forcing myself to eat i was craving food. Instead of staying up to all hours and then tossing and turning, i was physically exhausted and slept early and hard. (and, weirdly, being physically exhausted was somehow a relief from being emotionally/mentally exhausted)

Lastly

Healing often isn't noticeable while you're doing it

"healing is a process" is something you hear a lot, but i think it's more helpful to say something like

"Healing is like growing your hair out from short to long. You can look in the mirror every day and not notice it happening. And even when you can tell for sure it's longer than it was, you still can't really do anything with it, and it may seem pointless. But then one day you can tie it back in a ponytail and you realize how much it's grown and how many options are open to you now and you're really glad you stuck with it"

Now excuse me while i go meditate on the joys of my remaining spicy soup.

#long post #my life #idk maybe this will help someone #depression

[unforth]

The last couple hundred years have seen society, especially wealthy, western societies, increasingly distancing themselves from the visceral, immediate experience of death. Death is to be hidden and shunned, grief to be pushed aside and made brief. This has been made possibly by improvements in health care, but also by the ever-growing emphasis on the nuclear family and the greater space between people and the sources of their food.

On a smaller scale, as we've had more space to store belongings - as homes have grown and the number of people living within them have decreased - it has been easier for people to acquire and retain belongings over long periods of time. This has led to phenomenon where people buy things they absolutely adore...and then do not use them, as they have the space to store them and they've grown afraid of the damage that will be done to their things if they use them.

Though the second is of course on a smaller scale, the lose of a beloved object still involves a grieving process, and therefore is a less severe analogy for the loss of a loved one.

I posit that the two phenomena are in fact that same phenomenon: that a fear of loss of all kinds, the limiting of space for experiencing loss in our lives, and a dissipation of the skills that enable one to grieve loss in a healthy way, have resulted in our current culture where it is safer to ignore death, and safer to preserve our favorite objects unused, than it is to risk loss.

In this essay, I will...

#unforth rambles #idk my wife's favorite pair of slippers died this morning #and i mentioned i was still mourning my favorite pair of boots that i wore out about a decade ago #and my son was like ??? so I explained and he was like oh that's sad #and I thought about katherine who died earlier this month and how weird grieving for her has been #and how little experience i truly have with grieving #and idk i just ended up here because i'd rather use a thing then grieve when it's gone #then just not use it #but i know a lot of people struggle with that #and it got me thinking that in a way those small grievings help me better know how to process #the bigger grievings from the loss of a loved one #idk maybe this will help someone #more likely it'll get five notes and then disappear into my blog past lmao

[songsaboutgirls]

One thing that's really helped my anxiety at work is the thought "I can always fix it if it's wrong." Oftentimes, I'm just overthinking things and I know what to do and how and I know that the anxiety is just my mental illness being irrational because that's what it does. Thankfully, I've been at this job long enough to know that everyone is generally pretty nice and if I make a mistake they are gracious and will simply correct me and there will be no hard feelings! Obviously this kind of rapport takes some time to build, but it's been a really helpful way to get past some initial anxiety that prevents me from starting projects sometimes to just say "I can always fix it later"

#idk maybe this will help someone #or maybe it just helped me to share #idk

[stoopidstapler]

SO IVE BEEN GOIN INSANE SINCE THIS TRAILER DROPPED. JUST. SIMON. SIMON. SIMON.

#simon petrikov #fionna and cake #adventure time #goin insane over him #thers no words to describe how im feelin #i wish i could draw somehtin better but i am goin INSANE #FINALLY. AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. we are being FED. #ALSO?? HOW THEY SHOWED HIM EXACTLY WHEN THE LYRICS GO ''WHATS WRONG WITH ME'. LIKE HELLO??????? #ive seen so many good theories PLEASE GOD WRITE FICS I AM BEGGIN I LL DRAW U FANART BLS HEL P #IDK WOT IM GONNA DO FOR A WHOLE MONTH #SOMEONE KNOCK ME OUT TIL THE 31ST. HIBERNATE ME. HELP. #also i need to put it out there the first thing i thought when i saw this trailer was simon is tryina rewrite fionna and cake #which is why their world keeps changin so much? idk idk #ive seen so many different ideas and they are all so good please help #ALSO GOD. THIS MAN IS JUST GOIN THRU IT. AND ITS ONLY BEEN A QUICK TRAILER. #im sorry for so many tags idk where to put these help #maybe i should make an actual blog for like. whatever. n reblogs. help.

[charlietheepicwriter7]

"Nightwing."

Dick froze halfway across a rooftop, the lights and gunshots of Bludhaven disappearing in an instant. A scowl flashed across his face, teeth clenched and bared, before he forced it back. His face smoothed back out and his voice took on a pleasant, amused tone. "Slade. How did you get this frequency?"

"Nevermind that," Slade scolded. "We have more important things that need discussing, and information to be revealed."

"Is this about Constantinople?" He asked with a lilt, propping one hand on his hip. "Because I thought I told you, those geese totally counted as villains and deserved arrest--"

"I found a child vigilante. What do I do with it?"

"Ex-cuse me?" His fist clenched. "Is this a trick question?"

"No."

"What do you mean, 'what do I do with it?' You know what to do with it; you become its nemisis when their 15 and haunted them for the next decade." His voice was thinly-veiled rage. He couldn't stop himself from shaking. That poor kid, Slade has his sights set on them. He's going to torture that kid, or worse, and now I have to track Slade's trail back to wherever he found this kid--

"I can't do that! He's only eight years old!"

"What?"

"There's this eight year old meta brat running around a Mid-West town in his pajamas while adults shoot at him. There isn't a mentor in sight, and one of the kid's rogues has threatened to skin him. What. Do. I. Do?"

#Dick: IDK man you smelt it you dealt it. congrats on the new kid; i'm sure rose and joey will be happy #dc x dp #dcxdp #dpxdc #dp x dc #c: slade wilson #c: dick grayson #c: danny fenton #child danny fenton #reluctant murder uncle slade wilson #dick grayson's well of unending rage #slade will reluctantly mentor this child #maybe it will help him murder the mayor he was hired to assassinate #Batman: Why did you encourage Deathstroke to steal someone's child!?!?!? #Dick: first of all he's been avoiding child support and custody for over a decade. I'd assumed he'd keep the trend going!

[buggachat]

(random s5 finale musings) tbh I don't think Marinette chose to keep The Secrets™ from Adrien because Gabriel asked her to. I feel like Marinette keeping secrets like that is so consistent with her character; she hates giving people bad news, she hates rocking the boat, she hates upsetting people, she always chooses to keep any 'controversial' information to herself for as long as she can get away with (examples: bubbler scarf, telling Queen Bee she was benched, confessing to Adrien, warning Chat Noir about Scarabella or Rena Furtive, never told Chat Noir about Chat Blanc, etc) that I just totally believe she would've done it either way. She was even already having nightmares about Adrien hating her for finding out she defeated his father, so I feel like Gabriel's request was moreso giving her a go-ahead than it was a primary deciding factor, yknow?

#ml s5 spoilers #tbh half the time when thinking about it I forget that gabriel asked her to do it at all #because it just feels like such a Marinette™ thing to do to me lol #to be fair maybe I'm downplaying it? I do think Gabriel's plea struck some emotional chord with her too and helped push her that direction #but again I. totally believe she'd do it either way #and I do strongly believe that her decision is moreso ''I don't want to hurt Adrien'' than it is ''I want to honor Gabriel's final wish'' #she loves to avoid verbal/emotional problems and hoooo boy idk a worse verbal/emotion problem than #telling your boyfriend that his entire life is a lie and that he's not entirely human and that he was abused and controlled and puppeteered #all his life and also that his father was a terrorist and that she saw his mom's corpse in the basement #I mean. I don't think I'd have the emotional maturity to break that to someone either and I'm not.... FOURTEEN.... LOL

[sea-buns]

captioners you are so valid

#dimension 20 #d20 #mentopolis #brennan lee mulligan #i curse d20 for making me realize idk how the fuck ppl edit without paying for editing software #the last time i did one of these i somehow used ms paint in the process and its a fucking miracle it became anything coherant #this was created via google photos on my phone so maybe we're getting somewhere idfk someone send help #this took so long I COULD HAVE FINISHED THE EP BY NOW. ashamed to be the age i am but so inept at technology #lowkey hate that my phone has more photo editing features than my laptop smh

[caelanglang]

when they started to fall, it never stopped : skk

#idk how to explain myself at this point but #DOMESTIC!! SLICE OF LIFE!! SKK!! #me pushing skater Chuuya agenda mwhehehehehe #okay but I bet Chuuya can skate like maybe he would first use the help of his ability but gets a good hang of it ever soon #*very #belly kisses are soft I’m very soft for it okay esp for Chuuya bc he’s got a stab wound from Shirase there #Dazai becomes extra nice and obedient if Chuuya cooks his fav meals kandhdnddjjssn #they are not fit for spying missions btw /j #bsd #bungou stray dogs #soukoku #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #skk #my art #sketches #someone pls stop me #it’s so messy amsndncndjdj thanks for coming to my Ted sketch /j #fluff #domestic fluff #domestic skk #sketch

[chappellrroan]

which ship dynamic are you?

#enemies to loverswelp #here we are: the infamous enemies to lovers. #you started off on the wrong foot #but learned to tolerate each other until you eventually fell in love. or- you still hate each other #but you can't help but be drawn to them (i like this one better) you probably just want someone to be obsessed with you #(or u like being degraded a little bit i wont judge) #okay not accurate or maybe idk #do this 🤭

[arsenicpanda]

Hell, man, we were hummin'!

#Riverdale #riverdaleedit #riverdalecentral #teendramaedit #Archie Andrews #Julian Blossom #archieandrewsedit #julianblossomedit #julian x archie #arsenicpandacreates #Riverdale gifs #Riverdale season 7 #it's important to me that you notice how Julian looks at Archie's crotch in gif 4 #I defy you to find a heterosexual explanation for this #time to invent a ship name let's see... #jularchie #or maybe #julandrews #idk someone send help on this one

[dreamwinged]

sometimes honestly if you're feeling invalid/anxious/any sort of negative feeling about your selfship , you just have to go back to canon. and i know it seems like such an easy answer but you really do have to. it is always SO comforting to me when i'm feeling bad about things to just see my f/os normally, without any fan interpretation or characterization or opportunities for jealousy involved; to remember why i fell in love with them and that no one can take that specific experience away from me. that other people's thoughts on the character don't matter because at the end of the day, none of it has any bearing on canon and no one can "know" a character any better than anyone else. it really really does work and i wish id realized it sooner

#.mei’s chatter ˚༘⋆ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ #ok maybe this isnt relatable BUT #idk #i'm someone who gets really sensitive about sharing or seeing my f/os shipped with canon characters #yet simultaneously i have a raging inferiority complex #so when i get in a “uweeueuhhh uim not good enough😢😢😢🥺🥺🥺” headspace #this really really really helps meeee #its hard to remember it sometimes but we're all on equal footing yk? like -> #no one's ship or understanding of a character can be better than yours because we're all just operating off the same limited information #i dont Know. i find it comfroting #.fav #<- FOR MYSELF BC I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS NEXT TIME I TWEAK OUT. ifee llike im having an epiphany #f/o #self ship #f/o community #self ship community #.f/o positivity ˚༘⋆ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ #f/o positivity #self ship positivity

[starrysharks]

OK heres zeno coloring tutorial 2.0 !!!! i'm gonna do it kind of in chapters i guess?

chapter 1: choosing base colors

when i'm choosing base colors i always pick everything based on a specific off-white! my 'default' off-white is this kind of very light cyan color but i change it regularly based on character designs/environment/lighting whatever,, examples here!

for callie in this piece, i based everything off of this pinkish color! her skin tone, tentacles, outfit etc are all chosen to harmonise/contrast with the pink color

and with this piece, i used a slightly darker blueish color as they're in space but there's still a lot of light... and the lighter colors in the background (the explosion) make a sense of depth i guess? i used that blue color and chose similar cool colors to harmonise with it!

so i more or less base the tone of the colors in the piece off the off-white! warm off-white = warmer colors (like the nova valentine's day art) and cold off white = cooler colors (like the explosion nova and paro art). but i switch up this formula often !!

chapter 2: coloring specific things

here i'll go over some specific textures and stuff like skin and hair ... skin first !!

for skin, i like to use a variety of tones! there are different ways to draw cooler and warmer skintones that other people have gone over way better than i have but basically for skin i use this part of the color wheel and pick the darker tones of oranges/reds/pinks etc. (for darker skintones, i go to the middle of the color square thingy, and for lighter tones, i usually slide down the upper-right side)

when it comes to shading skintones, it's pretty straightforward, just a darkish-purple and a pinkish color on 100% multiply, and i always add a little shadow on the nose and blush becuz i think it's cute

(also i like to add reflective spots on darker skin tones sometimes because 1. darker skin tones reflect in real life and 2. it's fun)

next up is hair... this is very specific to my artstyle but i like to add 3-6 long oval line thingies to the hair to mimic reflection ! it looks cool, it's a good way to show off different colors in the design and i like to switch it up sometimes based on a character's personality!! (like how the frye pic above has a lighting bolt shaped hair thing, or how my teto design has a wing shaped hair thing to mimic her wings in her chimera form!) (note: it doesn't always need to be lighter than the actually hair color and it usually isn't)

for other materials like metal, screens, etc etc... i just add random X marks lol... and reflections!!!

(also, just a general thing, but adding little saturated lines to shading really adds depth and color imo!!)

i would put more tips with refs but tumbles only allows 10 images per post ;w; so i will simply close off by saying don't be afraid to add overlays and filters to your art!! overlays can really help harmonise colors and filters like brightness and contrast can help colors pop... try not to completely rely on them for color choice tho!!

and that's basically it !!! this is not a definitive 'how to draw/color' post... i am not a color theorist... i just wanted to show people how i choose colors cuz a lot of people say they like my color choices! honestly i don't know much myself but i hope that this and the philosophy of 'do what looks good' will help you all o_ob thank you and goodbye

#long post #ah its so freeing to have zero character limit on this site #i did want to add more pics tho 😭 #i would make a part two but i dont have much else to say #hope this helps people maybe #also idk how to add a cut/'continue reading' thingy on mobile so if someone could tell me how id appreciate it 😭😭😭

[tinyplanetss]

thanks king

(brian david gilbert posted a half-hour long video explaining the basics of navigating privatized american health insurance, which is actually pretty helpful for overcoming the hurdle of acronyms and a terrifying start into that whole deep dive)

#thank god he has such good jokes and gaffs in here <- guy who has to navigate the healthnet website today ToT #talks #bdg #brian david gilbert #health insurance #??? idk maybe if someones desperately searching tumblr for help for some reason. this will assist? #oh also #id in alt

[danhoemei]

Danmei with official Eng licenses

By publishers:

Seven Seas series list

Rosmei licences list

Peach Flower House shop

Chaleuria's complete novels

Via Lactea's shop

Other lists:

Comprehensive list on reddit

Official English Licensed Danmei Carrd

Goodread's list of Danmei Officially Translated to English

A list on NovelUpdates

#made it for myself but maybe someone'll find it useful too #masterpost #danmei news #idk if someone already made a masterlist? would be helpful #danmei

[danothan]

Just reading some comics and saw a panel I thought you might like. :)

ah fuck, characters reminiscing always get to me ;__;

but i will never ever get over that fond way these two talk to and abt each other. especially when they’re poking fun, you can just hear the love in their voice it’s SICK.

the halbarry love language is annoying each other, but even more than that, it’s being each other’s exceptions

#panels #sent to me #halbarry #hal jordan #green lantern #barry allen #the flash #dc #danswers #the halbarry love language/exceptions thing btw is a whole thesis i have in my brain #their love language incompatibilities; their willingness to compromise and make it work; the way they’ve never had a friend like this #hal esp is almost like a completely different person around barry. like he’s still Hal ofc but it’s obvious that he’s never navigated a #relationship like this before. yes i’m talking abt ‘what do you guys see in each other?’ / ‘yk… i have no idea! ☺️’ #hal is so aro-coded for someone i don’t hc as aromantic. and that’s only bc barry came along (another whole thesis o’ mine…) #god literally the rare exceptions to each other #been thinking abt writing a halbarry fic abt their love languages (5 chapters 1 love language for each) #not rly sure what that’d even be abt but i do think abt this often so maybe writing smith would help me process/explore/share my analysis + #interpretations of how that works between them #idk i’m not a writer we’ll just have to see

[nabaath-areng]

Perhaps this is common knowledge and I'm just speaking into the void here, but thought it couldn't hurt to share this trick just in case it might benefit someone else. This applies for Anamnesis on PC.

If you want to use the emotes of another race/gender than that of your character, you can do so by pausing and register the emotes you'd like to use and then apply it to your desired character.

It works pretty well across the board regardless of height or proportions, and the tweaking required is minimal (mostly for facial expressions and general hand/limb placement).

Again, maybe this is common knowledge, but this is my personal go-to screenshot trick nowadays so thought maybe it might be beneficial for someone else.

#idk what to tag this as #anamnesis #ffxiv gpose #gpose #ffxiv screenshot #final fantasy gpose #same glam and general appearance across the board for the sake of clearest comparison #i was debating on whether or not to share this cause for some reason im always like #worried that any tips or tricks i share will either be stupid because there are other better ways #OR that im just spouting common sense #but maybe!!! it will help someone!!! who knows!!!