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#and it got me thinking that in a way those small grievings help me better know how to process
unforth · 11 months
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The last couple hundred years have seen society, especially wealthy, western societies, increasingly distancing themselves from the visceral, immediate experience of death. Death is to be hidden and shunned, grief to be pushed aside and made brief. This has been made possibly by improvements in health care, but also by the ever-growing emphasis on the nuclear family and the greater space between people and the sources of their food.
On a smaller scale, as we've had more space to store belongings - as homes have grown and the number of people living within them have decreased - it has been easier for people to acquire and retain belongings over long periods of time. This has led to phenomenon where people buy things they absolutely adore...and then do not use them, as they have the space to store them and they've grown afraid of the damage that will be done to their things if they use them.
Though the second is of course on a smaller scale, the lose of a beloved object still involves a grieving process, and therefore is a less severe analogy for the loss of a loved one.
I posit that the two phenomena are in fact that same phenomenon: that a fear of loss of all kinds, the limiting of space for experiencing loss in our lives, and a dissipation of the skills that enable one to grieve loss in a healthy way, have resulted in our current culture where it is safer to ignore death, and safer to preserve our favorite objects unused, than it is to risk loss.
In this essay, I will...
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shedobewritingalittle · 11 months
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Let The Light In
Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader
Summary: Glimpses into a life alongside Joel Miller.
Rating: R
Word Count: 3.2k
Warnings: Canon violence, mentions of sex, graphic depictions of violence and death, depressing themes, mentions of miscarriage, mentions of loss
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She knew they weren't meant to last.
She had told herself this every time she snuck out of his bed in the early morning, gathering her clothes as quietly as she could as the sun slowly starts to rise over the QZ. There wasn't supposed to be any feelings attached to this, to these nights that they have together and she repeats that over and over as he snores softly. It's just an even exchange, that's all. A way to let off some steam, a way to get their needs met.
They weren't supposed to be that close. They weren't friends-there wasn't really friends anymore. Her and Joel-well, they were really more like coworkers.
Coworkers that fucked, but coworkers nonetheless.
I mean, it was normal, wasn't it? Before all of this carnage, before the world fell apart, coworkers fucked each other. It was completely normal.
Again, that's what she also told herself.
She'd slip out of his apartment and would see him later on, when their paths would cross during whatever jobs they'd be doing that day. They would acknowledge each other in the moment, but they'd keep it at that. She had tried her best to just keep it at that-at the nights they shared together.  She wouldn't get hurt if all they had together were those nights. Those few hours in his tiny little bed.
But life couldn't be that simple. She knew better than that.
"What was your favorite TV show?" He asks one night, moonlight steaming in through the dirt and grime on the windows of his apartment. The question is out of character for him and they both know it. They don't talk about before, but either way, she gives in. She can't help it, this small tiny slice of domesticity. She's greedy and she knows it.
"Law and Order: SVU. I liked that the bad guy always got caught." She replies, turning onto her side so she can look at him, "However, my mom made me watch Dateline and 48 Hours with her. She wanted to make sure I was never taken, y'know...normal shit."
He can see a shift in her eyes as she remembers those memories. He gets that glimpse into her family, into how she was raised. All that he knew about her family was that they're were long gone, their bodies scattering the United States from California to Connecticut. Now he knew that her mom was paranoid, terrified that something bad was going to happen to her kids. Just like he had been with Sarah.
They'd both been right.
But he doesn't say this, he keeps this observation to himself. He knows he can't stay silent for long, because the longer the silence the more she's thinking about everything that has happened. So he just nods, his arm tucked behind his head. He looks like he's seriously thinking about his answer, wanting to give her the God's honest truth.
"The Sopranos-Tommy and I used to watch it. I paid a little every month for that damn show." He shakes his head at the thought of it, as if he is still annoyed. She smiles, trying her best to stop the almost girlish giggle that almost escapes her mouth. He catches the sound almost immediately, raising an eyebrow at her as the corners of his mouth turn upwards ever so slightly, "You laughin' at me, girl?"
Oh, she was so fucked.
-
Sometimes she'll dream of him.
She knows it's a bad sign-a dangerous one, even- but she can't control her subconscious. And she surely can't control those dreams she has of him and her, a farm somewhere out west, and two little mini-me's that have his hair and her eyes. And she can't control the ache she gets in her chest when she awakes, grieving something that isn't real, something that she can never have.
On the days that follow those dreams, the world is a little colder and Y/N is a little quieter. Joel isn't much of a talker, but he notices. He doesn't pry, of course-it's not his place and he knows it. They carry on with their day and she think about whether or not they should end things, if it was all going too far. Surely it had to be-he was lodged deep inside of her self conscious, he was something she just couldn't shake.
And then the next day, she'd be face down in his bed, his hands gripping her hips, the cycle only continuing. She's in too deep and she knows it, but she just can't stop. She's addicted to him and she just can't get enough.
-
When Ellie enters the the picture, their situation changes.
Gone are their nights together. Now all they get is glances at each other-knowing looks behind the kid's back-and quiet talks when they know she's asleep. He'll hold her when the nights get too cold and she starts to limit her food intake so there is a little more food for both him and Ellie. If he notices, he doesn't say a word.
Their relationship changes after Bill and Frank's, after that letter Bill had penned to Joel. They try to ignore it, ignore the questions that Ellie fires their way after she reads it. Y/N's cheeks burn as she snatches the letter from Ellie, telling her to run upstairs and shower. The teen rolls her eyes at the two of them, muttering how two of them just want to get rid of her so they can suck each other faces. As soon as she is upstairs, Joel grabs Y/N and slams his lips against hers, kissing her like it's the last thing he might do. Her cheeks are wet, but neither of them acknowledge it.
His hand is on her thigh all the way to Kansas City.
Kansas City is where Y/N's motherly instincts-as Joel outs it- seemingly kick in. She's constantly asking if Ellie is okay, and when Sam and Henry join them, she does the same with them. Joel teases her about it, tells her to stop being such a mother hen. She tells him that she'll only stop when he does. He rolls his eyes in response.
She starts to think how different it could be-the five of them, all together. She hadn't thought about life turning into something like...this. To a sort of family. She wonders if it's possible for them to take care of the three of them
When things go belly-up in the motel room, she immediately wraps her arms around Ellie, tears springing in both of their of eyes. She tells the kid over and over to not look, even though they both are. Joel is frozen in place, his eyes going from the two bodies on the ground and to the two women holding each other.
-
The snow is starting to stick to the ground when they reach Wyoming.
A part of her longs for a life in Jackson. Everything seems so...normal. Kids runnin' around in the street without a care in the world, there's even a Christmas tree in the town center.  Joel sees the way she looks away, looking down at the ground and he wonders when the last time she celebrated anything was.
She watches him embrace his brother and she's happy for him, she truly is-but she can't ignore the way her throat starts to tighten. She looks away, finding something to focus on in the distance, her nails digging into her palm. If Ellie notices, she keeps it to herself.
She's surrounded by families, with big happy smiles stretched across their faces. Maria and Tommy are talking, explaining everything about their safe haven, but Y/N doesn't hear a word of it. She just follows them, her hands shoved into the pockets of her coat. She doesn't even realize Maria is taking to her until Ellie nudges her.
"Sorry-What was that?" She asks, looking up at her. Maria offers her a smile, clasping her hands together.
"I was saying that I'm going to show you guys where you're going to be staying while Tommy and Joel go catch up. Is that okay?" Maria tells her and Y/N smiles back, nodding. She stays quiet as Maria gives them a tour of the house. She doesn't know how to quite respond to this whole situation, how to think about it all, how to react. Y/N manages to sneak away from the conversation, hiding in the bathroom under the guise of showering. She turns on the knob and sits on the edge of the tub. Y/N buries her face into a towel and starts sobbing. She doesn't even know what she's crying about, all she knows is that she doesn't stop until Joel comes in and wraps her in his arms.
Her and Joel get into a fight when he tells her that he isn't going to take Ellie to the Fireflies, that he just couldn't do it. It's a true, honest to God fight. She calls him an asshole, he calls her a dumb kid who doesn't know what she's talking about. He tells her that he's scared of how close he's getting with Ellie, of how close he's getting with her. Y/N tells him that just 'cause he's abandoning Ellie that doesn't mean she will. Y/N says that she'll go with Tommy, that she'll make sure she's safe. She tells him not to bother with waiting for her to come back-especially since he's so worried about how close they're getting.
The next day when her, Tommy, and Ellie arrive at the stables, Joel is there waiting for them and the three of them leave on two horses.
That night when they stop, Joel waits for Ellie to fall asleep before he apologizes to Y/N for what he said, for how he acted. She accepts it and when Ellie wakes up in the morning, she finds them fast asleep, curled up next to each other.
On their way to the college, Joel teaches Ellie how to shoot with the rifle. Y/N tells her about how it was before-at least as much of it as she remembers. Joel teaches her about sports, Y/N talks about how different Boston is from where she lived in California with her family. Joel tries to convince Ellie that Texas was far better than California, but the teen isn't convinced. Ellie reads them jokes from her book, making the two adults laugh and groan. Her and Ellie tease Joel the whole time about his dreams of sheep ranches and singing. It's sweet and it gets Y/N's mind off of all the things she was thinking about back in Jackson.
When Joel falls off the horse, Y/N jumps off of hers. His shirt is drenched in crimson and her hands immediately fly to the wound, putting pressure on it. She had known as soon as he had yanked that wood out of him that he was going to bleed out but she-she had just thought that it wasn't going to happen somehow. That somehow, God-willing, this was just going to all workout.
"Joel? Shit..." Ellie is suddenly right behind her, her eyes on the where Y/N's bloodstained hands are putting pressure. The older woman quickly takes her knit cap, pressing it on the wound.
"Don't do this to me, Joel-You can't do this to me." She tells him over and over, tears rolling down her cheeks. Ellie is still calling his name, begging him to get up as Y/N keeps murmuring, "God damn it, don't do this to me, baby."
-
"You need to sleep."
She lays in between Ellie and Joel in that cold little basement. Her eyes watching the fall rise of his chest, making sure he's still there.
"I'm alright, Ellie-Just get some rest." She replies, turning her head for a moment, looking at the kid. She can barely make out her face in the darkness, but Y/N can feel her eyes on her. There's silence for a moment and Y/N hopes that Ellie had finally fallen asleep-
"Did-Did you have kids too?" Ellie questions, her voice quiet as if she doesn't want to wake Joel. Y/N turns her head to look at the ceiling, her hands resting on the blanket covered ground. Her index finger taps against the cold concrete.
"Not when it first happened-I was around your age when it all went to shit." Y/N replies, just as quietly, "There was-I was...once."
"Was it-Was it-?" Ellie doesn't know how to quite say the words as Y/N blinks away any tears that threaten to fall. She doesn't know why she's saying any of this-doesn't know why she doesn't tell Ellie to drop it and go to bed. Joel is so much better at not talking about things, about keeping secrets.
"Yeah. He-I never told him." Y/N voice is just as soft, barely loud enough for Ellie to hear. The words hang heavy in between them and she knows they Ellie is still processing the news when she adds, "Please-Please don't tell him. It'd break his heart."
That night she dreams about what never was-she dreams of Ellie chasing after a little boy that looks just like his father.
-
Her mind is racing when they get captured by David and his people.
Before all this, before Ellie entered her life, she would've done anything to escape-would've fought tooth and nail just to get scot-free, but things have changed. Now she can't do just anything- no, now she has to have a plan, one in which all three of them are okay. So she starts planning-trying to think of what she could possibly do so that Ellie can be safe, so that Joel will safe.
They try to pick the locks, try to unscrew any bolts that might be loose. The window is jammed. Their weapons are gone.
When David starts saying shit with disgusting undertones, Y/N lashes out. She spits and yells at him, calling him every name in the book. She gets beat-her blood splattering on the floor and walls. One of her eyes swells shit after the beating, her lip split. Her chest aches-it hurts when she breathes, making her think that they must've cracked a rib or three. Even then, she makes sure she's in front of Ellie.
And then they see the human ear laying on the floor.
David brings them stew and they both refuse to eat it. Ellie kicks the bowls away and
Y/N tries to rise to her feet, wanting to-needing to protect Ellie, but she can't. The conversation once again takes a turn for the worse, which makes Y/N stomach twist, even more than the cannibalism had.
When Ellie breaks David's finger after his suggestion, Y/N smiles and says quietly, just loud enough for Ellie to hear, "That's my girl."
Yet the pride soon disappears when David and three of his men reappear and once again, Y/N moves to guard Ellie. David opens the cage, shoving the older woman aside in order to pull Ellie away. Y/N quickly gets up, pushing through the pain, yelling at the men to stop, to leave the kid alone, to take her instead. The two slam Y/N into the chain link fence, forcing her to watch as David and the other man force Ellie down onto the butcher's block. The older woman tries to fight back, yelling and screaming, the chain link tearing into her skin.
When Ellie swings the cleaver the man with the beard's neck, Y/N swings her head back, connecting the back of her skull with a man's nose. He cries out in pain as David shoots at Ellie as she escapes. Y/N manages to grab a knife from the injured man, quickly bring it up into his chest before the other man can stop her. One man falls while the other charges at her, slamming her into the wall, making the knife fall from her hands.
But she fights like she's never fought before because she knows that Ellie needs her. She claws at her captors eyes, making him scream out in pain. Then his arm is against her windpipe, cutting off her breathing. She reaches blindly, trying to grab something, anything.
She can smell smoke just as her hand wraps around the blade of the knife. The man puts more of his weight on her neck, spots starting to dot her vision. She grips the knife, the blade digging into her palm as she brings it up and forcing it into the man's head. It makes a sickening sound, an unnerving crunch.
She shoves the body off of her as she gasps for air. She uses the chain link to pull herself up before she limps out of the room.
By the time she leaves the area they were being held in, David is dead and the place is up in flames. Y/N pulls Ellie up and into her arms, hugging her for a second, before telling her they have to go. Their arms are wrapped around each other as they make their way out of the back of the restaurant. The only noise being the sound of their harsh breathing and the fire crackling behind them as it devours the building.
And then suddenly, Joel's there, holding both of them. He presses his lips against Y/N's temple, telling them over and over that he's got them, that they're safe. He calls Ellie babygirl and he calls Y/N sweetheart. Y/N holds onto him and Ellie tightly, never wanting to let go, tears streaming down her cheeks.
-
She's killed for him before, and he's killed for her. It was just apart of their lives, it just happens. If you want to survive, you have to get dirty. But now? Now, there's something behind each kill.
It's so much more feral.
She wears the blood with honor, with a sense of pride. I protected you both, I'm protecting my own. It's the same for him. He mows through people for her, for Ellie, for whatever this little group is. They both do it without a second thought, without any hesitation.
And they destroy that hospital in Salt Lake City together, hunting down every son of a bitch that wanted to hurt their girl. Joel carries Ellie out in his arms, Y/N follows right beside him, her finger not leaving the trigger of her gun until Marlene is dead and both of them get in the car with their girl.
Once again, his hand is on her thigh the whole time.
They lie through the teeth to Ellie. They agree that what she doesn't know, won't hurt her. She's alive, she's with them-that's all that matters. The three of them are still together and that's all that matters.
"You don't have to stay with me, y'know that right?" Joel murmurs to her as they stand next to each other, their eyes on Jackson in the distance. She turns her head to look at him and he meets her gaze.
"What, you tryin' to get rid of me, Joel?" She asks, a small smile appearing on her face. He can't stop the way the corners of his mouth turn upward.
"I would never, darlin'." He replies, smiling back at her. Y/N grins, just as Ellie starts yelling at them to get a room.
In the back of her mind, a little voice tells her that this-their little family, their little life together-that it won't last. She ignores it, shoving it aside as her hand wraps around his, her lips pressing against his scruffy cheek as Ellie makes gagging noises.
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ddejavvu · 1 year
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hii! i'm absolutely OBSESSED with your fairy!reader x hotch fic and i'd like to request a sequel?? perhaps where her house gets properly destroyed and he has to take her home with him so he can make her a new one? and she helps him around the house and he starts to realise he really likes her and doesn't want her to leave?? idk whatever you want to write but i just adore the fairy au so much ugh <3 <3
today is multiverse monday, send me any au you can think of! :)
thanks so much! i love it too <3 I couldn't fit all of that in one blurb but I've gotten many more requests for another part so I'll use one of those for the next part :) / part 1
--
The unsub doesn't come easily. Even with backup, Morgan, JJ, and Blake all surrounding him, he fires one last shot into the forest, triggering everyone else's instincts to shoot. He gets shuffled into an ambulance with a guard, bleeding from his right leg.
Hotch's brain is fuzzy, like it always is after taking down an unsub. Call it a post-adrenaline crash, call it fatigue, call it the fairy he'd seen on the way in, but whatever it was, he trudges back the way he'd come with drooping shoulders and a foggy head.
Then his foot crunches on something that isn't a stick, and he looks down curiously.
It's wood. It's wood with a bullet hole in it, splintered away from other panels. Oh shit, it's your house.
Fear pricks at his heart. Five minutes after he'd met a fairy, and you're dead? But there's no fairy guts that he can see, no pink shimmery blood smeared over the wood, so he looks wildly around at the trees nearby.
"Hotch?" Morgan calls, a few steps ahead, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Hotch pants, a gust of air from his chest that feels tight at your disappearance, "Nothing, I think I dropped my badge in the scuffle. Go ahead, I'll catch up."
He makes back towards the scene of the shooting, and Morgan knows better than to disobey orders, even if he wants to.
Aaron stumbles through the wooded ground, waiting until the voices of his teammates fade into the background. He casts one wary glance behind him, but Morgan is nowhere to be found, and he heads back for your tree. It's easy to find now that there's broken wood around, but you're not.
"Hey," He calls into the woods, voice soft enough so that you can hear it from a nearby tree, but no one else can.
"Hey, are you there?"
He hears a vague sniffle up and to his left, and he turns his whole body with the clumsy vigor of a toddler.
His neck aches as he cranes it up into the tree he'd heard you in. Sure enough, your small, glowing face is peering out from behind a thick branch, arms wrapped desperately around the limb while you grieve your fallen home.
"It's broken," You whimper, and Hotch is surprised he can hear your quiet voice, "I was just getting new bedding, 'cause mine got blown away when my house got knocked down. But then I heard that awful noise, and- and it's gone!"
"I know," Hotch murmurs, voice like silky sympathy, "I'm sorry. I- I can't- there's nothing I can do to fix it. All I have is my gun."
"I don't like those," You blubber, wiping a shimmering teardrop from your eye, "Please don't use that."
"I won't." He promises, "Where will you live?"
"I don't know," You gush, raw emotion shaking your voice like an earthquake, "A little boy made that for me years ago, he was the only other person I've ever talked to. But now- now he's gone, and he can't make me a new one, and all the good hidey holes are already occupied, and-!"
You burst into sobs, and Aaron eyes the lower branches of your tree with apprehension. Slowly, but surely, he grabs hold of a higher limb, testing his weight on the lowest bough.
It brings him just below your level, and you peer down at him through teary, curious eyes.
"Come with me," He offers, after quick deliberation. He holds one hand out, the other tightening around the tree branch as he offers you his palm.
"What?" You rub at one of your eyes, voice pitiful, "Where?"
"Back to my house." He puts his hand even closer to your feet, "A little boy lives with me. My son. He can make you a new house."
"Really?" You peer at him with a hopeful shimmer in your eyes, wings fluttering slightly, "You'd let me come home with you?"
"It's the least I can do," Aaron reasons, "And I'm sure my son will love having a fairy in the house."
That's what earns him the soft pitter-patter of your feet in his palm, then the way you softly flump down into a cross-legged sit there. He lowers you to his chest, keeping his hand pressed there as he then lowers himself. Once his feet are back on the ground, he wonders where to put you. But you've thought ahead, apparently, because you slip between his kevlar vest and his shirt, nestling yourself snugly in his chest pocket.
You're a little squished, but you grin up at him with red-rimmed, grateful eyes.
"Thank you," You lean your head against his chest, and Aaron can barely feel it, "I'm glad I talked to you earlier."
"Me too," Aaron bites back a smile, trudging back towards the rest of his team, once-foggy brain now occupied with the thought: And not just for the directions you gave me.
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002yb · 4 months
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I cried during your whole reply to the late ask. But please consider: Dick can't stand to look at Jaybin bc he feels too guilty and sad and he still thinks its his fault. And little jaybin is sad bc nothing has changed Dick still haces him no matter how much he loves him and Jason goes full mother on him bc a) he gets it, those are his feelings b) its a kid and Jason cant stand to look at a kid sad and c) if no one is looking out for him he might as well do. Damian is very !!!! Bc his position as jasons baby is in danger but also thats Jason as a *baby*. And Jason is just mothering two kids and Dick is taken out at the knees bc Jasons so perfect and protective and omG he wants to cry everytime he sees them. (Bruce is crying ln the corner and staring holes onto them) (Jason confronts Dick about making Jaybin sad and Dick cries)
Im so sorry this is so long but i got thoughts that i wanted to share bc your posts always make me happy<33 hope youre doing good and take it slow and one step at a time<3 love u<3
The angst potential from this angle of the double-Jay!AU, oh dear. It hurts in a different way from this post. But yes, let's explore:
Where Jaybin is so excited to see what's become of the future. He's eager to see how his small family is doing and if it's grown, what all Batman & Robin have achieved - what Jason has accomplished. More than anything, he wants to know that all their efforts have made a difference for Gotham.
Needless to say, Jaybin is left...unmoored, for lack of better words.
Because everything is wrong.
Bruce won't look at him. Dick still avoids him. Gotham is still fucked up. And just - Jaybin is welcome in the mansion, but it doesn't take a detective to realize that future Jason is estranged because everyone hates him, too
And ughhh, Jaybin trying to mend those burned bridges because he's alone and without proper support, but it's like he's a ghost
So, because Jaybin knows that it must be his fault, he singles out Jason. Without really understanding what happened, Jaybin blames himself and tells Jason to fix it.
Because Jaybin wants his dad back. He wants his family.
Jason being blindsided by 'his' upset feelings although they're nothing new. He's sat with them for years. No one understands more than him how fucking bad this grief hurts.
But Jason is Jason and while he feels a compulsion to help, the subject matter strikes him dumb temporarily
So Jaybin grieves because he can't understand what went wrong. Something something, he lashes out and says some cruel things about how they should just die
And that's what Damian overhears and like. This boy does not take kindly to the cruelty.
There's a Damian/Jaybin throwdown that finally snaps Jason back into action. He separates them and sends Damian off with a promise to tend to him later, but for now - Jaybin
With Jason patching Jaybin up. And them having a bit of a heart to heart.
Where Jason hears out everything that's bothering Jaybin and answering as patiently/kindly as he can. Things with Bruce? Can't fix that. Gotham? Work in progress. Bat methods are a joke, so he's trying his own thing.
And Dick?
What about him?
Jaybin kicking out his leg and grumbling about how Dick still hates them. He avoids Jaybin like the plague.
Jason being surprised at that. While it made sense back in Jaybin's timeline (something Jason has begrudgingly come to understand), Dick seems the sort to capitalize on a situation like this. Jaybin is, objectively, darling. And easily teased.
Jason grumbling about how Jaybin must have that crush by this point in time, huh?
Jaybin flustering because what? No. Shut up.
Jason snickering, then getting melancholic and soft. He shrugs and admits nothing comes of it. Better to give it up.
Have you?
It's the biggest call out.
It's not something Jason is dealing with, so he slaps a bandage on Jaybin's face and goes to tend to Damian
Which leads to sleepovers at Jason's flat. Where Damian bristles like a territorial cat because Jaybin is encroaching on Damian's Jason/space/etc. The only reason Damian behaves himself and begrudgingly looks after Jaybin is because Jason requests it of him. Damian definitely isn't happy about it though.
Which leads to a whole other side plot of Damian learning about who Jason was before he grew to be what he is. And Damian recognizing qualities he really loves about Jason in Jaybin, but also the differences. Like how all Jason's jagged edges aren't yet so piercing. Jaded, but not yet wrecked.
And of course Damian falls in love with Jason all over again contemplates his discoveries to Dick. Who is fondly reminiscent because he remembers well and sees it all, too. ;U;
But what's more? Dick recounting stories of the sparse times Jason and he were together. Damian noticing how Dick is so soft and melancholic and regretful.
Which, like - just hang out with him? Jaybin is here. Now's the time to make things right.
Which Dick is adamantly against because he's of the mindset that he'll make things worse. He always does with Jason. And Damian is fully just l: because really, Grayson? Pathetic. He wasn't there before; be there now. If Damian knows anything with any certainty, it's that Dick is unashamedly relentless. Is Damian wrong? )<
More than anyone, Damian knows the importance of Dick just…showing up. So.
Which leads to Dick asking Jaybin to go on patrol with him.
Needless to say, Jaybin, Jason, and Damian are dumbstruck because what
Jason and Damian? Jealous af (though Jason bites his tongue while Damian spits and sputters because he's Robin, damn it). Jaybin though? Starry eyed with the most brilliant of smiles
Commence a lot of Dick and Jaybin bonding as Dick steps up in the way he couldn't before. All while Jason and Damian get all huffy and petulant in the background.
But it's cool because Jaybin invites Dick over for dinner at Jason's one night. Which forces Dick and Jason to spend time together in a domestic capacity. But before that:
Dick being let inside the flat by Jaybin. And Jason peers around the corner to the kitchen because who the fuck?
His eyes going wide because wtf is Dick doing here?
'Whatever it is - it wasn't me.'
Which makes Dick grimace because he's not here on a case, Jaybin invited him
Jason being all wary because that's just how things are at this point. Still, he lets Jaybin have his company. It's fine. It's whatever. Jason was cooking extra anyway.
And yeah, something something Dick watching Jason be a caretaker
Dick minding his own business before Damian kicks him beneath the table and glowers at him because: 'don't get any ideas, Grayson.'
To which Dick is !! because what? No! No, no.
It's just surprising/disarming/sweet, is all. Dick's never seen Jason in this capacity. //3///
And yes. More dinners. Family patrols. Dick being brought more into the loop and Jason begrudgingly allowing Dick into their family unit space. Something something, Dick running errands after work or bringing home food. Everyone going out for some outings. Joint patrols. Just strong family vibes that heal all of them, tbh. ;U;
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pastafossa · 2 years
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A Brief Existential Crisis (Matt Murdock x f!Reader; Fic)
Because this fluffy idea wouldn’t let me go so now you all get a drabble. Set in TRT!Verse but not required reading. SFW. Minor spoilers for ep 8 of She Hulk!
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"She didn't know who I was," Matt said mournfully, staring blindly up at you.
"I'm sorry," you said, radiating as much sympathy as you could while also still kinda distracted by the Los Angeles weather report on the hotel tv. How was 68 degrees considered freezing?
"No one else recognized me either," he mumbled, his chest heaving on a great sigh. "All night. One guy even called me a gold ninja devil."
"Ridiculous," you agreed as he slowly edged his head further into your lap. You forced down your grin, which was especially difficult when his expression was so pitiful, not unlike that of a kitten caught in the rain. "Yes? What is it, beloved husband of mine?"
"You know what I want." He made a sad little noise, arching further into your lap until his head bumped your opposite hand where you'd settled it on your thigh. "Please, sweetheart. I need the dopamine after everything that happened."
You snorted and gave in, running your fingers fondly through his dark hair. You even made sure to scratch with your nails just for the way it made him purr and melt into your lap, his eyes rolling back as his mouth fell slack.
Unfortunately, this particular existential crisis was too great to be struck low but something so minor as your fingers in his hair.
"Is it... the suit?" he mumbled, the words just a little slurred. "Not... mm, mm.... recognizable?"
Honestly, considering the color, he's now recognizable from space.
It was just a good thing he was handsome enough to pull it off.
"You're always recognizable as the only Devil-based hero with any real charm," you said confidently, keeping your thoughts to yourself. You shifted your fingers to his temple, scratching at a new spot. You were rewarded with a blatant moan, Matt's toes curling in his socks. "Trust me. It's not you. It's them. LA is, uh... just... more focused on... its own thing. You know how it is. So fuck em. You're still my favorite even if they don't know you."
"Yeah?"
"Mhm. And think about it this way. You might be less known, but that just means you're like, uh..."
"...I'm small-time," he sighed gloomily. "Just admit it."
"Hang on, I've got a comparison coming." You rolled your head up, narrowing your eyes at the ceiling in thought as Matt rolled over to burrow in against your abdomen with an exaggerated groan of sorrow. But there was no hiding his grin, not once you could feel it. "Don't suffocate yourself just yet."
He mumbled something unintelligible, and presumably tragic and martyr-y.
It took you a minute, but then you nodded. "Ok, I've got it."
He grunted, and tipped his head a little in prompting until you started dragging your fingers through his hair again, this time at the back of his head where the Devil mask always made him sore. The, "Mm?" he let out in response was glutted and thick, like the slurred purr of a cat on its back in a puddle of sunshine.
"You are basically one of those 'best kept secrets of the city' things," you said lightly. "All the tourists flock to the flashy stuff, restaurants that are shiny and get all the attention. But the locals know where the good stuff is, the quality stuff, and they know the best burgers always come from that one mom and pop hole in the wall. They don't tell the non-locals, cause someone might steal the recipe or buy it out. That's what you are. You're that burger."
There was a pause, and then he tipped his face up so you could see his warm smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "That was very sweet."
"Thank you."
"It's also horseshit."
You groaned, rolling your head back as he laughed and dropped his head back onto your lap. "Come on, it was a good comparison!"
"No, no, there's no helping it. I just have to grieve my murdered ego," he sighed, blinking sadly up at you. Or your chin, really, but it was close enough. "There is one thing that might help me feel better, though, and distract me from my wounded pride."
"What's that?"
He hummed, licking his lips as he rolled onto his side, his head still on your lap, close enough for him to nuzzle at your abdomen. "I could eat."
Your brow furrowed. "We literally ate an hour ago. We went through In-N-Out. You were not impressed, you blasphemer."
He hummed, before leaning in and pointedly nipping the waistband of your sweats.
Oh.
"I'm hungry, sweetheart," he murmured, tipping his head down towards your lap as he drew in a slow inhale. "So hungry and empty where all my pride used to be. Can't I just have a little to help fill that void?"
"Oh my god, Matt," you choked out, two seconds away from losing it as he rolled upright to grab your legs and drag you down the bed until you were flat on your back.
"You're the one that chose food for your metaphor," he said with a grin, nudging your legs apart. "I'm just following my wife’s example."
"Oh alright, I suppose I could be charitable just this once. You did get spanked by a Hulk today, after all."
"She caught me. She didn't-"
"Spanked," you repeated gleefully, making him snort. "Want me to kiss the print on your ass and make it better?"
"At least let me eat dinner first."
"Fine. But I expect it as my tip at the end."
"Deal."
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pinknightsinmymind · 2 years
Text
【 mascara - ellie williams 】
ellie williams x fem!reader
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wc: 3.3k
content: angst, hurt-comfort, wife!reader, arguing, swearing, SPOILERS FOR TLOU2, mentions of death and grieving
summary: ellie returns from santa barabra, but she's not the same. you reminisce on how she used to be and where this all started in order to understand what got her to this point.
a/n: i was inspired by "mascara" by deftones to write this bc of the angstiness and moodiness i love angst its so delicious i want to eventually turn this into a full length fic that really fleshes out the whole story so lmk in the replies if you want to be on the taglist for that <333
Ellie had started to change the moment Joel passed away; there was no question about it. However, even after that shattering blow to the girl’s life, it didn’t completely destroy her. Not yet, at least. Joel’s death had fragmented her into pieces, but you could still see those pieces within her. Whenever you looked into those green eyes of hers, you saw her, and you knew she was still there. On the way to Seattle you could catch those glimpses of her every time you looked at her, and when your hands wrapped around her waist, the horse jostling you two as you journeyed, you felt her there. You felt Ellie. During and after Seattle, it was as if that small fragment of her that was left fractured in half. She had lost yet another piece of herself, and it was as if she had shrunk in size. Despite noticing this change, she was still your Ellie, and you’d do anything for her. You knew she was grieving, that she was going through a hard time, but you still did your best to comfort her.
You thought the distance and time would help, but the reality haunted her even in her sleep. Sometimes she had episodes and you’d find her screaming. It was hard to watch her go through this, but you still did everything you could for her. You were her wife, after all, and that’s what you were there for. Ellie had asked you to be her wife after things had calmed down from the Seattle trip. It had been at least a few weeks before she asked, and when she did you took it as a sign that maybe things would change for the better. She said that’s what she wanted. She wanted to change, to move forward, and for a while it seemed like they did. Yet the past continued to haunt her, and you saw the light in her eyes dim more and more.
The turning point was when Tommy meddled in your lives and told you both he had found Abby. You were angry with him for doing that, for disturbing your home, and for putting those thoughts in Ellie’s head again—but once it was done there was no undoing it. Once the cogs started turning you couldn’t stop them. Ellie was stubborn, and no amount of pleading was going to change her mind. She was just like her father. You stayed up late with her that night in an attempt to talk about it.
“Please, just think about this," you pleaded with her. “I need you. I need you here. With me. Don't do this again. We barely made it back last time.”
“And what about Joel? So she just gets to live and he doesn't?"
“Ellie, I miss Joel, too. I know how much he meant to you, but would he really want this? For you to abandon everything for her?”
“He'd want me… to finish what I started.”
“Goddammit, Ellie.” You didn’t know if it was the physical or mental exhaustion, but you were so tired. "Baby, please. Let's just go to bed." Ellie closed her eyes and let out a sigh. She nodded her head and grabbed your hand, leading you to your shared bedroom.
“Let's go to sleep, love,” she said quietly. A wave of relief washed over you as the two of you settled back into bed, her warmth comforting you as you slept. But that only lasted a few hours, because you woke up cold that next morning. You looked everywhere around the house, only to realize that she really had left anyway in the middle of the night.
At first you were angry. She lied to you and left you in the farm house all alone, even after the two of you talked it out. You felt betrayed. The two of you were supposed to be a married couple who worked together as a team, but it seemed she completely disregarded that. Your anger festered for a few hours until it was completely washed away by something else. Once the anger disappeared, it was replaced by fear and sadness. Ellie may have been tough, but she’d be completely on her own. Who knew when she’d come back, if ever, which is what scared you even more. You began to weep after that, the tears cleaning away whatever resentment had been growing initially.
After Santa Barbara is when you felt Ellie change completely. It was like the final piece of her left inside finally disintegrated and disappeared like dust on the wind. It seemed as if she lost herself completely in her mission and fell apart at the seams.
You stared in horror as you saw her coming up the steps. Her messily chopped hair was pasted to her forehead with sweat and Lord knows what else. The tank top she wore was dirty with grime and dried blood. She clutched her side and she walked slowly with a limp. The blood on her clothes seemed old because the only thing coating her skin was sweat and the occasional dirt. What happened out there? you thought. As much as you wanted to scold her, to cuss her out, to be angry with her, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Instead you rushed towards her and pulled her in. She was alive, and she had come back to you at last. She awkwardly wrapped her arms around you, but it felt almost reluctant as she grasped you weakly. You led her inside as fast as you could while she stayed silent. You questioned her as soon as the door slammed shut.
“Where are you hurt?”
“Everywhere,” she said. She didn’t seem to be in a talkative mood right now. You held her hands in yours and inspected her arms, finding a new bite on her and old cuts that were barely starting to heal. You eyed the tattoo of hers you knew so well, the one you’d trace with your hands whenever she held you. It was then that you noticed the two missing fingers on her left hand. How will she play her guitar? you thought. She just stood there as you looked at the old blood and dirt on her body, but the real horror was her side. She winced as your hands trailed down to the darkly stained side of her shirt. She lifted up her top and you saw the dirty bandages wrapped around what seemed to be a large wound.
“Do you want to take a shower?” you asked her. “Then I can take care of these?” She nodded. She walked away from you as if she was in a trance to the washroom. You started to pace around the house when you heard the water start to run. You didn't know what to say to her or what she was feeling. In fact, you couldn't read her at all, not anymore.
Ellie entered the downstairs area of the house in fresh clothes as soon as her shower ended. You hadn’t seen her around the house in months, and it felt almost foreign. It felt strange, almost like she was a guest. She took a seat at the dining table expectantly in front of the first aid kit you had taken out. You slid out one of the chairs and sat in front of her before beginning your work. You pulled up the green cotton shirt she wore and immediately sanitized the wound. Ellie grit her teeth and let out small hissing sounds here and there, but other than that she remained completely silent. Once you were done cleaning the wound you applied ointment and fresh gauze. The silence was killing you. This had been the girl you could talk to for hours about anything, who rattled off corny jokes, who would tell you all about space and her comic books. You didn’t know this quiet woman before you.
“I’m… glad you’re back,” you said in an attempt to fill the silence.
“You are?” she whispered. Her surprise caught you off guard and made your heart swell in pain.
“Of course I am.”
“I thought you’d be angry with me.”
“I was at first, but you getting home safe was more important to me.”
“You should hate me,” she said sadly. “You shouldn’t be this patient. I’m a piece of shit.”
“Don’t say that.” You finished wrapping up the bandages and started to clean up your supplies from the table. The silence hung in the air again, and you both knew why. The elephant in the room—the unanswered question: did she do it? After you finished cleaning the table you looked into those green eyes that you used to know so well. What happened to the light that used to be inside them? They used to feel like the sunlight that drifted into the forest, but now it was as if the sun had set and you traveled through a dark forest all alone.
“What are you thinking?” she asked. She was still as perceptive as always.
“Did—did you go through with it?” You fidgeted with your fingers nervously. You looked at her, and it was as if dark clouds gathered in her eyes.
“No.” You didn’t know why you were shocked, but you were. She hadn’t gone through with it? Why? What had happened in Santa Barbara? Yet, even despite all your shock, you don’t know what you would’ve thought if she did go through with it. “Can we go to sleep?”
“Yeah. Let’s go.” The two of you walked to your old bedroom awkwardly, but when you felt her next to you in bed, it was as if it all melted away. She pulled you in close to her, her arms wrapped tightly around your waist as she breathed in the scent of your clothes. She had missed this—missed you—but she didn’t know how to say that. She hoped you could tell by the way she held you.
Sleeping next to Ellie again brought two fears forward for you: one, that she’d wake up and leave again, and two, how bad her night terrors would be. Ellie stirred a few times in her sleep, speaking and moving around a bit, but no screaming. Your other fear didn’t come true, either, because when you woke up in the morning she was still holding you.
Ellie was a vision when you first laid eyes on her, and as much as she still is, she's different now. Something broken and dark has settled within her, and you don’t know what to do about it. The first few days she’s back home are awkward and quiet. You only spoke to each other when you needed to as the silence made itself the newest member of your family. While you stayed inside the house reading, cleaning every now and then, sleeping to pass the hours, Ellie stayed outside. She tinkered with things that needed fixing around the house, took care of the animals, watered the plants, anything to not be in the house. She would hardly look at you, and the only time she touched you was when she held you to go to sleep. It was like you didn’t exist. In some way you found that to be more painful than having to deal with her absence while she was away. You didn’t know what to do. You felt so hopeless and alone despite having Ellie back. She made you feel like an unwanted guest. She wouldn’t say anything about what happened either. The mystery of those events haunted you. You started having nightmares of all the things that could’ve possibly happened to her, each one more frightening than the next. However, what you wanted to know more than anything, was why she didn’t go through with it. She had made avenging Joel her life mission, and then she discarded it? Why? It’s not that you were disappointed and felt she needed to exact her revenge, you were just confused.
That night you had gone to bed earlier than usual as you stared up at the ceiling lost in thought. You heard her footsteps on the creaking floor before she entered the room, the covers rustling as she climbed in them and tried to pull you close. You pushed her hands away and turned around to face the other direction which seemed to confuse her.
“What’s wrong?” she said.
“Why won’t you talk to me?” you asked. “You won’t even look at me, and this is the only time you touch me. It makes me feel like a pathetic lost puppy just waiting for you.”
“Look, I’m just trying to sort through my thoughts.”
“And that justifies you ignoring me?”
“I’m going through a tough time right now,” she said defensively. You sat up in bed and faced the wall, staring at the chipping paint. You couldn’t believe her right now.
“You’re going through a tough time, Ellie? Really? You’re so fucking full of it.”
“It’s not my fault you’re so goddamn needy. What are you going through, [Y/N]? Huh? Tell me. What is it that’s going on in your perfect little life that’s so bad?” You whipped your head around to look at her.
“You left me in the middle of the night! You left without a goddamn word to hunt down Abby in another state for months. I never knew if I was gonna see you again while I was stuck here on the farm all alone.” You were so angry with her right now. You tried to be understanding, you tried to be there for her, but you could only do so much for a person who didn’t want to accept your kindness.
“That’s your fucking problem, [Y/N],” she spat venmously. You saw her eyebrows furrowed together, and that’s how you knew she was really angry.
“Yeah? What is it? Tell me since you know every-fucking-thing.”
“You are just a stupid lost puppy. You’re not as smart as you think you are and you have no backbone. If you were smart you would’ve left me the moment I disappeared.” You knew she was just saying that to hurt you and get under your skin. She used to do that in the past. This was her way of pushing you away: her favorite defense mechanism.
“I stayed because I love you, Ellie. I couldn’t just leave.”
“That’s your other problem,” she said. “Loving me is another mistake you made along with marrying me.”
“How could you say that?” you asked her. “I just want to be there for you but you don’t make it easy.”
“Because I don’t deserve your kindness. I don’t deserve any of it. Nothing. I’m a disgusting, awful human being and I have no place to expect anything from the world or you.”
“We’ve all done terrible things, Ellie.” You shook your head as you stared at her. Her cheeks were flushed from her rage, but more than anything she looked tired. It hurts you to see her like this. Who was she? Where was the girl you used to know? The reality of it all made you tear up.
“Not you,” she said. “You’re nothing like me. I don’t want to ruin you with how—how dirty my hands are.”
“You won’t.”
“You weren’t there. I don’t know who I was in Santa Barbara; Seattle was just the tip of the iceberg.”
“So why don’t you enlighten me then?” You were tired of the back and forth with her. You just wanted answers, and she slowly provided them. She told you about the Rattlers, about Abby, the fight, how she lost her fingers, all of it. When she got to telling you about the fight, that’s when she broke down.
“And I saw her there, carrying that kid, and she—she looked just like Joel. Goddammit, she looked just like him. All I could think about was how she probably looked the way Joel did when he protected me.” She wiped the tears away from her eyes, but they kept streaming down her cheeks. “And if I killed her? That fucking kid would just come after me. It would be endless.” She broke down into sobs, and it was then that you had enough. You scooted over and pulled her into your arms. She cried into your shoulder as you moved your hands through her hair.
“Shh, shh, it’s okay,” you said to her. “It’s okay. You did the right thing.”
“I know,” she sobbed. “I know. It’s what Joel would’ve wanted me to do. I miss him. I miss my dad.” She continued sobbing, her tears soaking up your shirt.
“I know, baby.”
“I just don’t want to lose you like everyone else. I just love you so much.”
“I know, honey, I love you, too.”
“Please tell me you forgive me. I want things to be the way they were before. I want to be the person you used to know. I know I’ve been so horrible.”
“I forgive you. I always do.”
“Marrying you was the best thing I ever did. I’m sorry I said those things.”
“You’ve always done that sort of thing as a defense mechanism. I saw through you, but you still pissed me off. You’re so hard headed, I bet you’re half-rock.”
“Shut up,” she laughed. “What would I do without you?”
“Be so hard-headed that you turn into an actual rock.”
“I’m gonna beat your ass.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m gonna get you some water, then we’re gonna go to sleep, okay?” You felt her nod her head against your shoulder before pulling away so you could get her water. You took a look at her face and saw how red and puffy her eyes were, but she was still so beautiful. You leaned in and placed a small kiss on her cheek. She closed her eyes and accepted the gesture before opening them as you pulled away. You went down the stairs carefully to the kitchen, grabbing the nearest glass and filling it with water. When you returned to the room you found her still sitting on the bed waiting for you. You handed her the glass, and she accepted it willingly. You slid into bed beside her and rested your head on her shoulder. This time she gave you a kiss on the top of your head.
“Come here,” she said, placing the glass on her bedside table. “I’ve missed you so much.” She pulled you into her arms quickly and ran her hands all over your body. “I love you. Always. I’m so sorry for the mean things I said. You’re so patient with me. I don’t know if I even deserve that.”
“I think you do.”
“I’m tired,” she said, then pulled you to lay down next to her.
“Hey!” you said in surprise. She held you so close like she never wanted to let you go. You shifted to try and lay down in a more comfortable position, but she just squeezed you even tighter.
“No. Don’t move. Just lay with me.”
“At least let me lay down comfortably.”
“Fine,” she said. She let you out of her arms just long enough to get comfortable before pulling you back in again. “Do you remember that night we had that dance in Jackson?” she asked.
“I do. How could I forget?” you replied. Your head may have been buried in her chest, listening to her steady heartbeat, but you could tell she was smiling.
“I thought about that night whenever I needed strength. It kept me going. It’s one of my best memories, and in that moment I knew I was gonna marry you one day.”
“You’re being quite romantic.”
“Happy wife, happy life,” she said. You laughed at that.
“Well, your wife wants to go to sleep now, so good night.”
“Good night,” she whispered, petting your hair to lull you to sleep. That night you slept better than you had in months.
503 notes · View notes
linniewrites · 11 months
Text
Good day ; we can fly off. | Meliodas
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Meliodas x f!goddess!reader
Summary : 
“Good bye, wipe off the tears
Good day, please believe in me
Wake up, the scenery is changing
Hey, we can fly off”
Words : 4,097
Warnings : crying, killing/death, fighting, language (fuck, dick, etc.).
Notes : the music always makes me cry when I hear it so I had to write something with it. i think im going to write a lot of this au where reader is Ellie’s sister, I really like it. I also think I might do modern au for nnt. Once more, let me know if you have any tips to get better. Enjoy <3
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The sound of battle would always haunt you. Be it the sound of swords clashing, pained screams, grieving cries, people strategizing. All of it sounded awful, but no one you knew seemed to share your opinion, apart from your older sister. You had both understood a long time ago that as daughters of the leader of the goddess clan, you’d have no choice but to fight.
“___, look out !” You friend Nerobasta screamed at you, she had launched off towards you and eliminated the demon that had been aiming at you. You didn’t understand why though, it was only a small grey demon you easily could’ve talked off. Still, you thanked her and apologized.
“Sorry doesn’t cut it. We’re in the middle of battle, you can’t just zone off and risk both your life and the life of others !”
“Yeah, I know. And seriously, I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s up with me today.”
“I don’t know either but it doesn’t matter, focus.” Just like that she was gone, off to kill more demons.
“Jeez, what’s wrong with her today ?”
“Maybe Ludociel told her to stop sucking his dick ?” Elizabeth had settled next to you, and had her hands on her hips, eyes looking straight at the pink haired goddess.
“Ellie ! Don’t be so crude !” A group of demons came over to the two of you and started talking about how disgusting goddesses were and how they would bring your heads back to their princes as gifts. You and Elizabeth simply shrugged them off, trying to continue your conversation, if those demons wanted to attack you, you’d fight back, if they didn’t, you’d let them be. They finally decided to attack you, or at least they tried. Two of them went to you and your sister, they seemed pretty weak, one was a short weird ochre color demon and the other one was a taller copper one. You simply set off your feet to avoid them, but copper one tried to grab your feet which only resulted in both his arms exploding from a small Ark you had invoked.
“What, I’m sure it’s true. If someone was following me like that all the time I’d kill them.” Elizabeth closed the palm of her right hand, and with that, the core demon was no more. Literally, not even dust was left from its body. “Oh, look at these two.”
“And look at their friends, somewhere along the way I guess they got in the crossfire.” You pointed at the cadavers that were laying under you, there were about fifteen of them. It was true, you didn’t mean to kill them, maybe they were just so weak that such a small part of your power was enough to kill them.
“These lowlifes…” A demon that had the same appearance as a lion muttered under his breath, stopping everyone that was battling.
“We’re the Six Knights of Black, the most vile warriors of the demon race ! Bend down to us and admire our power !” A tall blue haired one screamed, shaking up the ground. Goddesses as well as demons fled, scared for their lives. Nerobasta joined you and your sister before whispering to you.
“We have to call Sir Ludociel. He’ll be able to help us.” You shook your head, if she wanted to go she could, but you weren’t going to flee a battlefield. Surely you could explain to them you didn’t want to fight them, and they understand.
“There’s no need for that Nerobasta. Don’t worry we’ll take care of it if you’re scared.” You smiled softly at her, you didn’t want her to do anything she didn’t want to, if she found comfort in Ludociel’s embrace than that was okay, but there was no need to drag more people into what was supposed to be a small disagreement.
“I’m not scared ! How dare you say that ! It’s just, he would take care of it way quicker than anyone else would.”
“There’s no need to bring any more people here. Go back to the realm, we’ll take care of this.” Elizabeth swiftly added, stopping Nerobasta who was about to say something else. The older goddess frowned, but left without more complaints, even if she was your friend, she hated that you were both of higher ranks than her, and that she had to respect you a way you didn’t have to do with her.
“Oh, is it only these two small children ?” One that was half man, half made out of what seemed like flesh said in an almost robotic voice.
“Leave it to me then.” The same one that had screamed earlier stepped in front of the rest.
“Nuh-uh ! Bellion, it’s not fair you always get the coolest fights !” The only woman in the group whined.
“Go back to the realm, and have them tell Prince Meliodas I’ll bring him the heirs of the hideous goddess clan.” The five demon complained loudly but with one look from the man, they quickly set off back to the demon realm.
“Wow, look at that guy. So much charisma into one mediocre appearance.” You sweat-dropped at what Elizabeth had whispered to you when she thought the man couldn’t hear.
“You, with the white hair and the foul mouth, you must be Elizabeth, and you, you haven’t said a word yet, so you must be ___. I have to say, it’s impressive to finally meet the bloodstained sisters of the goddess clan.” He let out a humorless laugh and jumped into air to aim at you with his large sword. The two of you easily dodged, which angered him, but not as much as when you ignored him to speak to each other again.
“Ellie, people are hurt. One of us should go heal them.” You pointed at the people on the ground, somehow, humans had ended up here, and although there were other goddesses around, you knew none would decide to help them.
“You think you’ll be okay taking him on ? I can finish off the rest of them before healing anyone.” You nodded at her, concerned, Elizabeth was usually the one that fought, and you’d stick to healing, so why she wanted you to take care of him was a mystery to you. She set herself down and left to finish off the weaker demons as you turned, still in the air, to the leader of the Six Knights of Black.
“You’re Bellion right ? The others listened to you immediately, so I’m guessing you’re their leader. That’s weird though. You claim to be the most vile group, and yet I’ve heard no word of you.”
“You wrenched goddess ! How dare you insult me that way !” He moved his arm, and with that, ruins from the battle flew at you. So he can control things with his mind, you’d have to remember that. You let the rocks follow you, and Bellion almost laughed at how pathetic you seemed, the strongest of all goddesses running away from a few rocks, and then you stopped when you ended up above a lake. With one swat of your wings, you were higher up, and the rocks had fallen down in the water, thus not harming anyone.
“You’ve avoided a few stones, so what ? Death Burn !” He swung his long blade at you and dark violet flames enveloped it before coming at you.
“Jonah’s Ordeal !” A whale made out of light raised from the lake and swallowed up the darkness from the sword. “Actually, I lied earlier, I’ve heard of you. Bellion, the demon that got rejected by his prince. You asked him to be part of the Ten Commandments, and he told you the harsh truth about yourself. You’re so full of yourself, you boast your strength everywhere, and anywhere, but the truth is, even your own race thought you’d be a bother to them in battle.”
“You-“
“Ark !” With a swing of your hand, he was gone, sent back to the demon realm, of course, the attack wouldn’t hurt him too much, it was just to get him as far away as possible. You flew all the back to where you had left your sister and everyone else.
“Ellie ! Is everyone okay ?”
“Yep ! The hurt have been healed, and the demons have been sent back to their realms.” She dramatically said, flying over to check you for any injury. She jabbed her finger on your left cheek, showing a scratch you hadn’t even noticed until now. “What happened to you ?”
“Ellie, it’s a small scratch… I think I got it while sleeping.”
“I told them jewels on cushions was a bad idea, I think I chipped my tooth on one.” You looked down and saw everyone going back home, you were glad, people were going back to their loved ones. “Well, let’s head back.”
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You were sitting at your vanity, dabbing some moisturizer onto your face. Elizabeth was laying with her head hanging from your bed and her legs propped up the wall.
“So how’d you get the weirdo to leave ?”
“I didn’t think he’d listen to me so I fought him.” She stared at you, worried about how it might’ve gone on. “Don’t look at me like that, it was quick, one Ark and he was gone. I told him a bunch of mean things and I think that got to him.”
“You told a demon… mean things ? And he actually got hurt ?”
“Yeah, turns out he’s the one that the elder prince rejected.” She sat up, eyes wide and full of excitement.
“Shit, really ? If I’d known I would have fought him myself. How come you know all of the gossips and I don’t ?”
“Well you’re the one that told me a demon had been rejected by the leader of the Ten Commandments and I remember Nerobasta told me the same story, but she actually said the guy’s name.” You stood up and joined her on the bed giggling at her answer to that.
“Ey, Nerobasta knows all the gossip, I need to have lunch with her more. You did good today, I’ll let you sleep.” You rolled your eyes at how she was exaggerating such a little fight but didn’t say anything because you know she just did it because she cared for you. You stopped her before she could fully close the door.
“I’m gonna go on an early walk tomorrow. You wanna come with ?”
“I would’ve love to, but I’ve got a bunch of juniors to train, maybe when I’m done with that we can have dinner together though ?”
“Yeah, I’d like that.” You haven’t been spending as much time together as you’d like. Your mother had insisted you focused on how to work administrative, deal with which battle was worth looking into, as if they were some sort of game and people’s lives weren’t on the line. Elizabeth however had a training focused on direct battle, she was so good she was training the younger generations. You sighed and got comfortable in bed, turned off the light and closed your eyes, allowing the tears that had pooled up to fall, and sink into your soft pillow. It was so tiring, of course, resolving conflict without violence was amazing, but most of the time, it didn’t work and someone would end up hurt, or dead. You rose up from your bed and grabbed a tissue from your bedside table to wipe your face. You laid back down, and prayed that your night would, for once, be free of those nightmares from the war.
Good bye, wipe off the tears
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Humans have a lot on you, but flying is something you’re so happy to have. It makes you sad that they’d never understand how great it is to feel the breeze raking through your hair, or how small everything feels when you’re so high up. You stopped when you saw someone standing at the edge of a cliff and decided you’d come down to say hello. However, as you got lower, you felt your stomach start to churn, and you head started aching. Your breath got stuck in your throat when you ended face to face with the person on the cliff. It was a young man, with blond hair, and possibly the largest set of wings you had ever seen. Clearly he was a demon, and from the mark on his forehead you could tell he was a very high ranked one. He also seemed to stop for a moment and stare at your face intently. His curious stare turned into a glare when his eyes set on your white wings. He picked up the large sword that he had earlier stuck in the ground and launched at you. You shrieked and decided you probably would be able to avoid him if you flew up, so you let yourself fall a few meters down. To your surprise, that didn’t surprise him at all, and he just chased right after you.
“You goddesses are always here, lurking around, waiting until you find someone to sneak up on.” He spoke with pure hatred and disgust.
“No, I swear, I just wanted to sa-“
“Hellblaze !”
“I don’t want to fight !” You screamed at him, you didn’t want to, but if he continued like this, you’d have no choice but to fight back. When the flames finally caught up to you and burned your legs, you decided you couldn’t not defend yourself. “Fuck, Ark !” The Ark was big enough to engage him and bring him far away, but not enough to kill him.
“Fuck, why isn’t my commandment working on her ?!” He gritted through his teeth, it was loud enough so you could hear it before he was taken away. Commandment ? Blond hair ? Black marks all over his body ? Was this the leader of the Ten Commandments ? The next in line to be the demon king ? Meliodas The Love, is what you heard them call him. How you’d never met him was a surprise, but now he was in front of you, you were glad you hadn’t. Was it your bad luck, just yesterday you were beating one of his comrades, talking about how ruthless he was, and now you were the object of his wrath. You didn’t have time anymore, you felt the cold, hard blade graze your cheek, it was well aimed. He had intentionally avoided hurting you and only left a small wound on your face. Your head was bashed against the cliff and you could feel his angry breathing on your face.
“Move, even just one millimeter, and I will have your cut up body sent to that cursed sister of yours.” At the mention of Elizabeth you froze, and before you realized, you had locked him in another Ark. This time bigger, brighter, stronger. He dropped his sword and screamed in pain, clutching his head, almost ripping out his blond hair. Your palm closed little by little until you couldn’t hear him scream anymore. You directed the Ark to land on the edge of the cliff he had originally been standing and let his now unconscious body fall. You sighed again, now it would take a while for him to wake up, you’d go pick up his sword -that had fallen in the water when he dropped it- heal him and when he woke up you’d explain that you were harmless to him. How he was going to believe you were harmless after rendering him unconscious, you didn’t know, but you hoped you wouldn’t have to fight again.
Getting the sword out of the water was a hassle, it was the largest and heaviest you had ever wielded. It now rested next to the healed man, he looked to be around your age, but he was the demon king’s oldest son, so maybe he was a few centuries older. Maybe once he woke up you’d ask him, you’d also ask him if he had siblings too, if he spent time with them. On cue, the blond groaned, and sat up, rubbing his head with his two rough hands. He didn’t notice you until he looked up and saw your worried face and small smile.
“I’m sorry about that. Your head doesn’t hurt too much does it ?” He was speechless, his head didn’t hurt at all, and he had a feeling he knew why. He ignored your question and apology, grabbed his sword walked away.
“Wait, stay for a moment.” He stopped and for a second you thought he’d turn around and answer you but he only just let his wings out to fly away.
“You’re Meliodas The Love aren’t you ?!” He turned around, annoyed, his commandment wasn’t working so he couldn’t even question you without risking anything. Why were you pretending to not know him ? “I don’t want to fight with you, I was just on a morning walk and I thought I’d come say hello.”
“To me ?”
“Yes, I didn’t really see who you were, but it doesn’t really matter.”
“So you just, walk around, greeting demons for fun ?”
“Yeah.” He flew away. “No, come back ! I’m not mocking you !”
Good day, please believe in me.
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“You met who ?!” She raised her voice, closing the door quickly behind you.
“Ellie, don’t yell !”
“You’re yelling ?!”
“Right, sorry.”
“You met the leader of the Ten Commandments and thought, you’d say hello ?” She was speaking with a mocking tone, because she knew you were the only person that would think this way.
“I didn’t know it was him at first, but that didn’t change anything, why can’t I say hello to him ?” You pouted, people paid too much attention to stuff like race nowadays.
“You can, it’s just, you know how we get along with them…”
“Well if they find out about it, I can just tell them the truth. We fought and then he left.”
“At least you won.”
“Yeah I felt kind of bad, I didn’t want him to hate me for losing his sword or getting a headache. There’s no way he’ll want to talk to me now.” You threw your face onto your pillow, angry that the only time you could’ve had a calm encounter with a demon turned into a fight. She put her soft, comforting hands on you back and rubbed it up and down.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll meet him again, and when you do, maybe he’ll agree to speaking with you. Just be careful, okay ?” You yawned before answering sleepily.
“Yeah, I hope so. And if I do meet him again, I’ll be extra careful, he seriously could’ve hurt me with that giant sword.” She smiled, stroked your cheek and wished you a good night before turning around to get to her own bedroom, but not without whispering under her breath.
“He’s as small as you are, how can you two be so dangerous ?” Still, Elizabeth thoight about you, amazed, you truly were one of a kind. The only goddess that wanted to be friends with the prince of the enemy clan. She loved that about you, when she had those same thoughts, before she understood what was and wasn’t possible in life, she could talk to you without being judged. And you listened to everything she had to say, now, Elizabeth had gave up on those ideas for herself, but you, you were different, something about you was special. You’d change the world, shake up skies and grounds, and show people what real life truly is. Maybe things could actually change.
Wake up, the scenery is changing
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A few days later, you had gone on another one of your morning walks, once again, Elizabeth couldn’t join you, so you decided to keep your promise and be extra careful. You took the same road you usually took, even after last time’s events. You flew past the same cliff you fought with Meliodas and since nobody was here, you decided to lay down on the grass. You set your palms flat down on the grass and let your power seep into the dirt. Flowers bloomed all around, bringing life to the usually dead looking cliff. You smiled and giggled happily, and closed your eyes, feeling the sun shine warmly on your face. Unbeknownst to you, the same demon you had met last time was staring at you from above. What exactly were you ? Since when did goddess try to have conversations with other races, especially demons ? Since when did they use their powers for something so trivial as flowers ? And since when were they so adorable ? He’d never heard one of them laugh like this, usually they were mocking people, laughing at their pain or sadness. He felt a few drops of water on his hair and realized it started raining. He heard you groan and complain about how you couldn’t just go on a normal walk without being interrupted. You raised your head and that’s when you noticed the blond demon that was staring at you, he turned around when you two made eye contact, his face warming up quickly.
“Oh, hi !” You waved hello at him and beckoned him over. “Come ! Sit !” He hesitated before slowly lowering himself onto the ground. “Hello. I’m ___”
“I know.”
“Oh. Well still, at least I’ve introduced myself.”
“I’m Meliodas. But, you knew that, no ?” You nodded and patted the space next to you, hoping he’d sit with you. He walked over to the spot, but didn’t sit, so you looked up at him, and for the first time in his life, he shied away and couldn’t stare at someone’s face. You didn’t seem to understand that he was flustered so you just stood up to stand next to him.
“So, how’s your life going ?” You hesitantly asked, looking around, nervous from his staring.
“I’m not doing this.” He turned around and you thought he was going to leave so you hurried to grab his shoulders.
“No, wait !” You released him, and calmed down. “I’m sorry, I just want to talk.”
“About what ?”
“Life. I just thought, since we both come here, maybe we could be friends ?”
“You want to be friends ?” From his voice, it didn’t sound like he was mocking you. He just seemed genuinely surprised, and also maybe, curious. “With me ?” He hated how weak he sounded, like no one had ever asked him for his company. Before he could stop himself, he continued. “Why ?”
“Of course I want to be friends. I know that our races don’t get along too well but I think it’s nice to know more people. I know that demons aren’t actually that bad.”
“We’ve always been at war, and somehow, you believe that we’re good guys ?”
“You’re saying so yourself. It’s a war, you’re fighting to protect what you care about, and I do the same. I don’t believe there’s a good or a bad in a war. There are just people, who fight for something, or someone.”
“That’s a nice way to think. I guess it suits your character.”
“My character ? You don’t even know me…” Maybe now, he was the one laughing at you, he says he wants nothing to do with you but then he acts like he knows you.
“The whole goddess character. How you guys tend to see the world like there’s nothing wrong in it.” He gestured to you, frowning when your face hardened.
“That’s not how we see it though. I think most of us see what’s wrong first, and then notice the happy things.”
“Yeah ? What do you see first ?”
“Depends, I like to think I see the positive in things. What about you ? I don’t really know what fits the whole demon character.”
“I guess I see bad things first, and then, when it’s too late I notice there are still good things.”
“Maybe, we can try and show each other how we see life ? You’d understand us better and I’d understand demons better. At least two of us won’t hate each other for no reason.” He didn’t know why the clear hope in your voice made him so vulnerable, but when he looked into your eyes, he knew he could only answer one thing.
“Yeah. We can try.”
Hey, we can fly off
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black-aurora-nora · 1 year
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The Lie Above Pt. 1 | Yandere!TMNT (2016) x Teen!Reader
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The TV loudly played throughout the sewer that had been your home for a few months now. The same theme song that you'd now grown to hate played for the umpteenth time and you found yourself unable to watch what was once your favorite TV show.
You huffed, turning down the volume and picking up a word search book. This would be your 20th one, if you remembered correctly.
Flipping through the pages, you huffed again and threw the book back onto the small table.
You hated this.
You hated when your brothers left, but you understood that it couldn't be helped.
The world was ending outside, above the sewers. A couple months ago, an alien species called the Krang began their colonization of the world. Your brothers were some of the only few left that could help in the rebellion.
And though you understood that they were needed, you wished that your life wasn't so dull. Hiding out was incredibly draining.
You missed your old life.
Your mom and dad.
You used to cry a lot when you first found out they were dead. Leo was the one that told you and Mikey would stay behind to watch after you while you grieved.
The both of you grew close during that time but then you got better and they had to start going out to fight the bad guys.
Sometimes you worried about them.
Speaking of the devil, you heard the telltale sounds of your brothers cheering and whooping as they arrived back to the base.
"Wassup, (Y/N)!" Mikey greeted.
You mustered up a small smile, "Hey."
Raph groaned at your lack of enthusiasm, "Oh no," He groaned, "She's in a sour mood again. You run out of word searches again?"
Leo elbowed him, shooting him a sharp look, "Don't."
"What's troubling you, my little sister?" Mikey asked in a silly tone, coming over to sit by you and drape a green arm over your shoulder, "C'mon, you can tell Big Bro Mikey, ignore the big bad Raph."
“There’s nothing to do down here. You guys are gone for hours and I’m stuck here watching reruns and doing word searches.” You explained, “I need something else to do.”
Donnie hummed at that, taking in what you said with a push of his glasses, “Like what? I’m sure we can find something else for you above ground.”
You shrugged, sliding away from Mikey.
An idea popped into your head and you blurted it out, “What if there was a way I could help you guys out during your missions?”
“No.” Leo responded firmly.
You slumped slightly before continuing, “I don’t mean go out with you guys,” you corrected, “I meant what if Donnie taught me how to use some of his computers? I could be the team’s ‘eye’.”
Then you’d never be bored and know that they’re safe. It was perfect.
“No, (Y/N).”
You furrowed your brows, “Why not? I’m not in the line of fire and I’m actually a part of the team! I could be great help as long as Donnie teaches me!”
The three brothers looked to the leader and Leo only kept his eyes rested on you.
Raph crossed his arms, cocking his head to the side, “Do you really think that you’re smart enough to use Donnie’s computers? Or that Donnie has enough time to teach you?”
Those were good questions but you had answers.
“I’m not smart enough now, but I can learn and you guys can’t go out during the day so that leaves plenty of time for him to teach me.” You felt yourself glowing at how well you answered.
How could they say no now?
"Look, (Y/N)," Leo started with a sigh and you felt yourself slump ever so slightly, "Donnie is already our tech guy. We can't waste time trying to teach you what he already knows."
Donnie nodded sadly in agreement, "Leo's right, (Y/N). Plus, we need to rest up during the day. I can't have a sharp mind on little sleep, y'know?" He chuckled nervously.
"So... I'm just supposed to stay trapped down here doing nothing?!" You asked rhetorically, "You guys can go out and fight in the rebellion but I have to sit down here with no one to talk to and three things to do?" Your arms crossed over your chest, "Yeah, that sounds fair."
Raph scoffed at your display of attitude, "You make it sound like we have fun while we're out there."
"It's better than staying down here," You huffed, unable to stop yourself from speaking out your thoughts, "Sometimes I wish I'd died before I'd met you guys."
You felt a release in your chest. It kind of felt good to get that out. But it also felt bad because you knew it would hurt your brothers.
But maybe you wanted to hurt them. All they ever did was leave you down in the sewers expecting you to greet them with a smile every time they came back. It was only fair that they feel a bit of what you dealt with every day.
There was a stunned silence that surrounded you and you almost said more.
"You don't mean that." Leo told you tightly. He sounded like he knew what he was talking about.
A shrug left you, "Yeah, because Leo always knows the answer." You said with whimsical sarcasm. "Leo always knows what's best, so who gives a fuck what (Y/N) thinks, right?"
"(Y/N)-" Mikey reached out for your shoulder but you stood up.
"Let's just get poor (Y/N) some more puzzle books, that'll shut her up. Let's make sure she doesn't get too close to Mikey because I'm Leo and what I say goes, right?"
Despite how visibly upset you were, Leo's fortitude didn't crack.
"You're obviously upset and saying things you don't mean. Why don't you go cool off in your room?"
Without another word, you beelined straight to your room and slammed the door.
The brothers remained silent for a few more moments until Raph spoke up.
"She read you for filth, huh?" He chuckled.
Mikey snorted at the comment, “Yeah, Leo, that must’ve sucked. I’m glad I wasn’t on the receiving end of that one.”
“I don’t know if more word searches is going to fix this.” Donnie thought for a moment, “I can try and get some other TV shows burned on some CDs but who knows how long that’ll hold her over until the next tantrum.”
“We’ll have to talk to her later. Try to help her understand that she’s got no choice but to stay down here.” Leo told his brothers.
“Probably need to make this ‘rebellion’ seem more dangerous than she previously thought.”
With that said, Donnie turned to go to his computers, “Since (Y/N) went to bed early, I’m going to make sure that her parents aren’t still looking for her on the news channel.”
“Good idea. Hopefully they’ll lose hope soon.”
The four brothers went their separate ways and (Y/N) quickly scurried back to her room, heart in her stomach.
What the hell was going on?
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thelordofgifs · 4 months
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Writing Year Wrapped
Thank you for the tag @eilinelsghost - what a lovely idea!
3 Favourite Fics You've Written This Year
the fairest stars (T, 78k, in progress). So much of myself has gone into this fic since I started writing it all the way back in February. I love all the characters (Maedhros and Maglor my beloveds!!), I love how much it's taught me about plot and structure and evil cliffhangers, and I love sharing it with all my wonderful kind enthusiastic readers!
Ilimbë (T, 15k, complete). This was a new venture for me, both genre and ship-wise, but it was just so much FUN. I like writing things that make me feel clever, and this is probably my most unabashedly pretentious fic. But also baby Fëanor is everything to me now.
in the breaking (G, 2k, complete). I used to call this my best m&m fic, although tfs is probably my best m&m fic. But in the breaking is still one of my favourite explorations of their tragic tender codependent dynamic.
3 Fics That Stretched You the Most
Inflection (G, 10k, complete). This one was SO hard to write - getting the first draft out was very much blood, sweat and tears. The nuances of the kidnap fam dynamic are very hard to get right, balancing the canonical love with Elrond and Elros' genuine trauma. I'm still not entirely sure I got it quite to my satisfaction, but I'm pleased with the final result all the same.
the fairest stars. Yes I'm listing it twice. I'm very fond of tfs, but plotting it out can be SO hard sometimes (which is one of the reasons why part 31 is taking a while to write). I just counted and there are TEN separate plot threads to keep track of at the moment, which is... a Lot.
the salt of the sea (E, 2k, complete). Shoutout to my first proper smut! Definitely a new venture for me (I hadn't written this pairing before, either). People were very kind about it, though.
3 Favourite Lines You've Written
Maedhros has never loved anyone without making of them a god – it is all tangled together in his mind, worship with affection, ardour with idolatry. (tfs, part 29)
To love Maedhros, he has long known, is to grieve him. (tfs, part 22)
Fëanor had never been kissed before. It took him a moment to respond, but then he found he was kissing Nerdanel back and it was the easiest, most familiar thing in the world; her messy curls were brushing his face and one of her strong sure hands had travelled down to rest against the small of his back and there was nothing that had ever been more real than the warmth of her pressed against him; she was certainty itself, as solid as marble, no crafted thing to be shaped and changed, but a maker and a preserver and a promise of forever; and her mouth against his was hot and sweet and golden as the taste of a Laurelin-ripened peach. (Ilimbë)
3 Characters You Enjoyed Writing (that surprised you)
Lúthien! I didn't have many thoughts about her before starting tfs, but she's one of my favourite characters in it now, and so essential to the themes of the story.
Fëanor was a struggle to wrap my head around initially: in my opinion one of the biggest flaws of all those that follow, for example, is the way Fëanor only appears at the edges of the narrative, when I could really have stood to flesh his relationship with Fingolfin out a lot more. Writing Ilimbë really helped me gain a much better understanding of what makes him tick, which was very satisfying, and I do think his characterisation is one of the biggest strengths of that fic.
gonna cheat slightly for the third one and say all my little baby OCs from the glassmaker! OC-centric fic isn't something I'd tried before, but I'm very fond of them now.
3 Unexpected Inspirations
Maedhros' hair in in the breaking is this whole important thematic thing, but the truth is. I also have very long and silky hair and it is a PAIN to deal with. You cannot picture the number of times I have sat on my bed at 1am furiously yanking a hairbrush through it and gone "DID it take long hours to brush out to smoothness again? you fucking bet." Sadly I do not have a codependently devoted sibling to tenderly brush my hair for me, so I have to do it myself.
tfs was initally inspired by some tumblr discourse about Beren and Lúthien's motivations in stealing the Silmaril! which I think is kind of neat. It strikes me as very indicative of the collaborative nature of fandom: a couple of people have a debate, and then someone else goes away and writes fic about it, and then people draw art of the fic... and on the cycle goes.
an ancient song is a very small little ficlet, but it was also inspired by some tags on a tumblr post! Always fun when that happens.
3 WIPs You're Excited About in the Upcoming Year
Ooh, now I feel like I'm committing to having these finished in the next year...
The Unburied: the longfic I am very slowly working on, and managed to put 20k words towards in November. It follows Fingon as he crosses the Helcaraxë and Maglor as he rules in Mithrim, ending with the first rising of the Sun. I am excited about this fic, but it's an ambitious project and very challenging! Also my brain can't really handle working on two different longfics at once, so it's on the backburner until tfs is finished, and who knows when that will be tbh.
boats against the current: another rather old WIP that is complicated and difficult to plot out. This one is the "Maedhros doesn't swear the Oath" AU. Still very attached to the idea! Maybe I'll get somewhere with it soon.
sore must be the storm: my shortest WIP! Surely I can sit down and finish it in the next few weeks (I have been saying, for months). Just some (messy and complicated) russingon after Fingolfin's death.
3 People Tagged to Share Theirs
No-pressure tags for
@searchingforserendipity25
@that-angry-noldo
@welcomingdisaster!
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Busy Hands
Well... I finally posted one of the GBA fics in my drafts. :D
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CW: Grief, cursing, gendered listener 
(Ik. So unusual for me O.O But I need to reintroduce gender into my writing for project reasons)
GBA Masterlist
Summary: Just Faithful struggling through the grieving process and trying to raise a kid.
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Faithful’s hands haven’t stopped being busy. Not since that day. Sometimes she still wakes up at night, the smell of the collapsing temple stuck in her nostrils. It takes racing to the bathroom and dry heaving while praying she doesn’t accidentally wake the young girl sleeping in the next room over. Even in those moments her hands are still occupied.
Either with holding back her hair or gripping the toilet bowl as she empties nothing. Eating was difficult those first few weeks. Because despite everything, she lost three people that day. She hadn’t ever really liked her brother, not with the way he constantly let her know she was useless. But the guilt of being glad he was gone had started to dig like a knife into her gut. Devlin had just... left them. Was she silly for believing he would stay? Silly for hoping? 
And then there was... Albus. Thinking about him really did feel like she was being crushed right beside him. Her ribcage locked and it got difficult to even breathe. He told her to continue with her life and not regret. But how could she not? If she had just been faster, or not been so weak maybe she could have found a way to save him. She hadn’t been able to keep her mind from wandering there when she was idle. 
It’s why she had to stay busy. She just... had to. 
Currently, her hands were busy kneading bread. Kerano was running around outside playing some game that her imagination made up and then expanded. Faithful pressed the heel of her palm hard against the dough. They had been inside this safehouse for a little over a couple months if she was counting the passing days correctly. Although with her sleep schedule so tattered and torn she couldn’t rely on that. Plus upon arrival she hadn’t bothered counting the days. 
More often than not she rounded a corner and expected to see Albus leaning against a wall with his patronizing greeting of “Well hey there Faithful.” It took her a while to get used to the silence when Kerano wasn’t in earshot or was staying quiet. At least she didn’t wake up and think she was still on the ship for a few hours.
She grabbed a knife and cut the dough into three equal parts. 
Faithful had once told Albus that she used to bake bread for the children that would run around the temple grounds. It was nothing special and she had tried to downplay it. Albus had let her for a few minutes before telling her that she was a far better person than he was. Devlin had returned from the bridge before she could ask what he had meant. 
She pinched the end of the three strands of dough together before beginning to braid them. 
She was pathetic. She had a child to care for now, and yet she seemed incapable of quieting her thoughts of a dead man. It would have been easier of Devlin had stayed. She thought he would, but he had left her alone. Even after promising Albus that he would care for her. Sure, he helped her get Kerano to a safer place but she couldn’t do this by herself. It was why she had enlisted help in the first gods damn place!
She glared down at the braided dough, jaw clenched and floured hands balled into fists at her side. 
Faithful wasn’t heartless, right? Devlin needed to grieve just as much as she did. Maybe even more so. Her mind still reeled with the secrets of both men that she carried. They might have ended up sharing the secrets to each other after they had all gotten drunk that one night. She doubted Devlin remembered. Albus did and he had told her to forget. A small part of her wondered if she should tell Devlin what Albus had told her. It didn’t matter now anyways? 
Even if she wanted to without a doubt, she couldn’t. She didn’t even know where the Artificer was. The former priestess could feel that kernel of worry start to form under her sternum. Busy. She had to stay busy. She watched as her hands methodically painted the egg wash across the curves and crannies of the braid.
Kerano’s laughter filtered through the open window. The sound had quickly introduced itself as bittersweet. She loved knowing that Kerano was happy and safe from her brother. Truly, she did. But she envied the little girl’s ability to laugh. It made sense of course. Kerano had never had the pleasure of meeting the warrior - he had stopped being known simply as a bastard in her mind - so why would she grieve? Faithful had made sure to explain who Albus was, if only so the young girl would understand why she felt somber. She hadn’t explained what death was, wanting to preserve what innocence she could, so Kerano simply believed that Albus had gone somewhere far away to help fight the evil monsters of the world. 
That was another reason why she needed Devlin here. She needed to have someone to talk to. Someone who understood. But instead she was left in this safe-house with the expectation she’ll have her shit together enough to help raise a child.
I can’t do any worse than Joshua.
It’s a dry thought, and not one that offers comfort in any sense of the word. But it’s true nonetheless. As long as she avoids believing the laughing child to be the god killer and decide to sacrifice the young girl, she’s doing better than Kerano has faced thus far.
Faithful places the bread in the oven and slides down to sit on the floor. If she closes her eyes, she can pretend Albus is right next to her.
“You do know I’m not actually here right, Faithful?” His voice is in her ear. It used to irritate her. Then it flustered her. Now it comforts her. Time does such funny things to perspectives. She nods her head. “Bullshit.” He calls her bluff. Like usual.
“There’s nothing wrong in indulging in a fantasy.” She murmurs quietly, wishing she could convince herself that there isn’t just empty space to her left. Albus always stayed on her left. She didn’t know why and she wished she asked. If only to know more about the warrior who covered up so much truth about himself. 
“’M pretty sure that’s a sin.” He says. Ignorant to the actual seven deadly sins. Or at least just pretending to be. She’s pretty sure it’s the latter now, he was always smarter than he gave himself credit for. Or anyone else gave him credit for, her included. She can feel her face grow hot with shame.
“Only when it becomes gluttony. I’ve resisted this fantasy for a while.” She mumbles. It’s a weak excuse, but she’s weak. She always has been.
“Damn. Faithful’s fantasizing about me. Have I finally corrupted the holy sister?” It’s the expected response. The one that would have had her heatedly denying it and throwing an insult at his face that he would just laugh at. But instead she stays quiet, staring at the glass surface cover of the oven and the bread baking inside. “I’m dead, Faithful. You can’t linger on a bastard like me.” He adds. She shakes her head and grips the skirt of her dress.
“I know you’re dead. I’ll do what I damn well please.” She spits back at him, trying to ignore the burning in her eyes. She wants to cry. She hasn’t actually let herself cry since that day, even as she wakes up on a pillow wet from tears. She’s never felt more isolated. Before, she had a goal. Then she had companions. Even with Kerano here, she feels so empty. “I can’t do this, Albus. I’m useless. I can’t fucking do this.” She whispers into the empty air. She wants to feel his calloused hand on her shoulder, his fingers tipping her chin up to look at him. She wants to hear his voice soften as he comforts her and draws her away from the darker recesses of her mind. “I didn’t pay you yet. You can’t just leave me alone. You promised.” She adds. Her imagination isn’t strong enough to come up with a response from her imaginary warrior. Her champion.
The bread is done.
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local-pr1nter · 9 months
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The Diamond Brothers 💎
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The infamous Diamond brothers, gotta love them.
(mentions of animal passing, a little angsty)
There's a four year age gap between them, which would make Daiya 22 when Mondo was 18. Daiya was only 4 when Mondo was born.
Their living situation isn't implied to be the best - no mention of their father and little talk of their mother.
But onto the general and wholesome headcanons!
Their dynamic is typical sibling behavior- teasing, bullying, yelling, and then acting as if nothing happened and being best buds again.
Before Mondo got big, Daiya would usually rough-house with him, eventually trapping him in a headlock or dangling him by his feet. Now that he's big, Daiya hasn't rough-housed with him in a hot minute - he's a bit intimidated of Mondo's larger structure compared to his.
Before high school, they would both typically play a variety of video games around their city - mostly around arcades. Their favorites were shooters, old-school side scrollers, and DDR. They aren't good by any means, but they still have fun.
Daiya has the highest score between the two of them on "POSSESSION" by Tag Underground (correct me if I'm wrong)
Daiya is a casual theater nerd whilst Mondo is the Theater Kid™. Daiya was the one who got him into that sort of thing once he showed him Grease. It just evolved from there, prompting relentless teasing from Daiya.
They're both really good singers - nothing professional of course, but they're nice to listen to. While Mondo has a smooth, deep voice, Daiya's voice is similar to Leorio Paladiknight from HxH. Idk it just seems fitting. Puberty kicked them in the gut.
They like going to small restaurants around town - the smaller the better. They once found a hidden sushi place and had the best meal they've had in ages.
Speaking of food - Daiya is the designated chef between the two of them. Mondo tried cooking once. Let's just say Daiya will never eat garlic again.
Once Daiya pulled off a heist to steal a live lobster from a sushi place cause he was bored. That became his pet that he spoils for no reason. Big ass tank and everything. Mondo thinks it's the dumbest thing ever.
"Dude female lobsters can live up to fifty years."
"Good she gets everything in my will."
They both adore the fuck out of Chuck. Whenever Chuck isn't following around Mondo, he seeks out the older brother to ask for treats he shouldn't get.
"But he's such a good boy!"
"Those treats are making him fat!"
"Awww good fatso!"
*incoherent scream from Mondo*
But they both adore the fuck out of that dog.
When Chuck passed, Mondo shut down completely. Daiya saved Chuck's collar before retrieving his ashes for Mondo to keep. While continuing to grieve, Mondo would find Daiya and just...hug him. Daiya wouldn't bother to move him so they sometimes fell asleep like that. It definitely helped both of them to cope.
With the gang, their sibling behavior doesn't stop.
They're very competitive and tend to have competitions. Chugging, push-ups, other endurance contests, and of course, racing.
When Daiya was retiring, he planned to keep riding, but only as a way of transportation.
And during their race, Daiya got hit in such a way that his leg was permanently paralyzed. Mondo's never felt so guilty, thinking he almost killed him.
Daiya is just happy it was him and not Mondo. It was all worth it after Mondo took charge of the gang, resulting in his invite to Hopes Peak.
Daiya has never been prouder.
While Mondo is still sensitive about the accident, Daiya does his best to joke about it as a way of coping and to try and comfort Mondo.
They continued to speak on-call as Mondo went through Hopes Peak. Daiya continued to tease him about his friends, either teasing Mondo directly or making off-hand comments.
"So how old is Yasuhiro again?"
"Wha-?"
"He's really cute.."
"What-?! Daiya don't even think about it-!"
"Is he single?"
So on and so forth.
But overall they have that typical sibling dynamic. Lots of teasing and fighting, but at the end of the day they still love each other and wouldn't have any other brothers.
Unless it's Takemichi.
Takemichi is their unofficial younger brother.
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band--psycho · 1 year
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Anthony Bridgerton x Reader- Grief
I'm just gonna say sorry in advance!
Anyway, I hope this helps anyone that needs it! 💛
Warnings: Complicated grief
Grief. 
Everyone deals with it differently. 
Everyone heals from it differently. 
But how do you act when the father that should’ve loved you and instead chose to abandon you, dies? 
How do you act then? 
How do you deal with that loss?
How do you grieve for someone, that for the first five years of your life was the best man you ever knew, but then for the other twenty years was nothing more than a stranger to you? 
Do you cry? 
My mother has been crying ever since she found out. 
I thought she hated him for what he did.
For leaving her.  
For leaving us. 
I thought she hated him like I did, if not more so. 
But seeing her now; I think she’d always loved him, even after he left. 
She always thought he’d come back….
But I was different. 
I did hate him. 
I hated him because when he left I didn’t just lose a father, I lost my mother too. 
When he left us; the mother I had left with him. 
She was never the same once he left.
She was a ghost of herself; occasionally I’d see a small smile on her lips or a little glint in her eyes but that was it. 
For a year, my mother barely acknowledged me…not unless it was when other people were around. 
It got better over time; especially when she became friends with Viscountess Violet Bridgerton. 
They had a mutual hole in their heart. 
Violet's husband, Viscount Edmund Bridgerton, died seven years after my father left.
Had it not been for their shared loss; they probably never would have become friends, or they certainly would not have been as close as they are now. 
The loss that began their friendship was different, but that did not seem to matter. Not to them. 
Violet's family helped her through it as well, her children, they were her rock just as I was my mums. 
That’s how I got to know the rest of the Bridgerton family. 
I knew my mother would have gone to Violets and I knew I probably should have gone with her, to support her, to comfort her, to just be there for her. 
And yes, it was selfish that I stayed at home, I knew that. 
But I just couldn’t go with her. 
I couldn’t bear to be around the Bridgertons; who would all be extremely nice and give me their condolences. 
I couldn’t bear to be around all the “I’m sorry for your loss” 
What loss? 
The loss of a man who left my mother and their five year old daughter, with practically nothing. 
The man who abandoned us without even giving a reason why. 
The man who stayed away for all of these years.
The man who, more than likely, had another family that he actually stuck around for. 
How could I listen to those words and deal with the sympathetic looks when the man that died was a stranger to me. 
I suppose that right there was the difference between my mother and I; she had more memories with my father. 
She had more of a reason to grieve than I did. 
I did not want to cry over him. 
He didn’t deserve my tears. 
And yet; as soon as my mother left for the Bridgertons, I felt this overwhelming wave of sadness unexpectedly wash over me. 
I felt like I was drowning. 
Drowning in feelings I did not understand, nor did I want to accept. 
So I did the only thing I could do; I distracted myself; I grabbed the closest book to me and started reading it. Desperately trying to focus on the words on the page rather than the thoughts that were whirling around in my brain. 
I was trying so hard. 
Then there was a knock at the door and I felt my soul momentarily jump out of my body. 
I ignored it; hoping that they would go away. 
They didn’t.
 They just kept knocking. 
I took a deep breath as I snapped the book closed; before making my way to the door.
Though when I opened it, I did not expect to see Anthony Bridgerton standing there. 
“Did you not hear me knocking?” He asked, the frustration evident in his voice. 
I didn’t know how to answer him at first; so I just moved out of his way slightly so that he could come in. 
I did not dislike Anthony, but I did not really know him. There were six years in age that separated us, and out of the Bridgertons, I was always closer with Colin, given that I was only a year older than him.
So I knew Anthony as well as anybody could know their friends' older sibling.
But it was raining heavily so I could not just let him stay outside in the cold and wet. 
“What are you doing here?” I countered quizzically, my confusion just as evident as his frustration.
I couldn’t quite understand what he was doing here, of course I’m sure he knew about the news of my father, but that still didn’t ease my confusion. 
We weren’t friends. 
In all honesty, we barely even knew each other. 
Perhaps his mother sent him thinking I’d be in a similar state as my mother? Or perhaps he was here because he knew Colin would be, if he was not in Greece. 
“I wanted to see if you were okay.” 
Was that concern in his voice? I could have sworn it was…Or had I just imagined that? 
“I’m fine,” I answered simply, walking over to the table I’d left the book I’d been reading on, “I’ve just been reading.”
His eyes narrowed as he looked at the book, before reaching out and lightly pulling it out of my grasp, “You were reading a recipe book?” 
‘I was reading the first thing I got my hands on to distract myself from the sadness I was feeling,’
But there was no way I was going to tell Anthony Bridgerton that. 
I knew he probably did not want to be here, so as long as I said I was fine, he would believe it, he could go back to his day and I could try and find something better than a recipe book to read.
“It doesn’t hurt to have a skill or two; not everyone can have servants like you.” 
Was it a blunt answer, yes. 
Did it come out a lot harsher than I had intended it too, also yes…
And I could tell it took Anthony off guard; given by how his eyebrows raised slightly. 
He was a Viscount; I doubted he’d ever really been spoken to in anything other than polite and respectful ways. 
“You were distracting yourself,” Anthony pointed out after a short silence had passed between us. 
It was annoying that he was right. 
“I was reading,” I repeated, trying to keep my composure. Trying to keep myself together, Trying to be strong like I had been all day. 
“Y/n/n…” he began, his voice softer than I’d ever heard him talk before. 
The softness in his voice made me want to break; to stop with the facade I had and just crumble..but I couldn’t.
I had no reason to; not really.
Though hearing him say my name so softly was bizarre, I had heard my name spoken from his lips a fair amount over the years that I had known him; but this felt different. 
He seemed different. 
He placed the book down on the desk behind him before turning his attention back to me. 
“I know how it feels to grieve a father,” he continued, meeting my eyes, like he was staring into my soul. 
“Your father loved you,” the words left my mouth before I could even fully process what it was that I had actually said.
I saw the pain flash in Anthonys eyes; memories of his father obviously racing through his mind. 
“My father left me,” I stated, feeling a lump in my throat begin to grow as I held back the tears I wanted to shed. 
“That does not mean you did not love him,”
“I hated him,” 
A sympathetic smile momentarily grew on Anthony’s face as he placed his hand on my upper arm, “I know,” 
“Then why am I sad…?” I questioned, my voice was so quiet I wasn’t even entirely sure Anthony heard it until I felt his hand squeeze my arm lightly. 
“Because you loved him once.” 
And in that moment; everything made sense. 
I did love him. 
When I was little, I thought my father was an amazing man…because back then he was. 
And then he was just gone. 
For the first few years I could not help but wonder what my life would have been like if he had not left…how it would have been different, or at least how it could have been different.
I hadn’t even realised I was crying until I felt Anthony hands cupping my face, his thumbs gently wiping away the tears that had fallen from my eyes. 
“It’s alright,” he breathed, pulling me into him, soothingly  stroking the top of my head as I sniffled against his chest. 
I certainly did not think this was how today was going to go. 
I certainly hadn’t expected to be crying into Viscount Bridgertons chest. 
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, pulling away slightly from his embrace. 
“You’ve nothing to be sorry for,” he assured me, his voice continuing to be soft and understanding. 
“Do not feel like you have to stay, I will be perfectly fi-”
“I shall stay as long as you need me to, Y/n,” Anthony interrupted me, as his eyes met mine again.
And in my heart I knew I did not want him to leave. 
Not yet. 
I do not know what it was or why, but right now with Anthony, I did not feel like I had to pretend to be fine; I did not have to be strong, I could just be myself. Which right now was a mess. 
“Thank you,” I said softly, allowing him to pull me back into his embrace. 
I never really took Anthony as the hugging type of person; but given the events of today, I think there was more to Anthony Bridgerton than I had originally thought.
Tagging:
@xacatalepsyx @yn-ymn-yln @withmyteeth @jeyramarie @freyathehuntress @minami97 @icebabe2045-blog @maddithehugenerd @maximoff-xmen @munsinner @saltedcoffeescotch @alcottsangel @multifandomsw @theonewithallthemilkshakes @wanniiieeee @kajjaka @lustfulseonghwa @turtlefordestiel @qualitybelieverflower-blog @rexit-mo @lawstudentbydayfangirlbynight @lucyythings @whoreforpsychopaths @drabby-abby @sleepylunarwolf @crea-shunned @ifilwtmfc @samanthaofanarchy @awesomebooklover17 @navs-bhat @jessyballet @tinystudentmiracle @tweedlydumbtweedlydoo @lantsovcolors @kianifan @mrsamerica @livy26600 @yogiikyun
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senpiecakes · 2 years
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A Love Not Meant to Be: Zhongli Part 2
Notes: Part two! Idk i put my heart and soul into this fic for some reason. For compensation, I guess.
Summary: Right person wrong time basically + reincarnation.
Warning/s: Angst no comfort, a lot of lore spoilers
Theme/s: Angst, no comfort, angst tropes.
Trope: Right Person, Wrong Time/Immortal x Mortal
(PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE listen to Glimpse of Us by Joji while reading)
Parts: Part 1, Part 3 (end)
“I… I can’t.” Was all you said. “We can’t, Morax.” Zhongli’s smile drops, not into sadness, but a sort of irritated frown as he stands to look at you clearly. He never expected you to reject him. He always got his way with the humans, with him being an adeptus after all. He couldn’t understand why you would be able to reject this form of regard from him.
“Why not?” He prods.
“You’re an adeptus, I’m a human. Your adeptus companions will always be on our tail. They won’t approve.” You reason as Zhongli only laughs.
“Then I’ll disguise myself better, they won’t bother us and you’re wonderful. They’ll love you.” You shake your head and look away, panic setting in your chest as Zhongli follows you.
“We can’t, Morax, not like this.” He notices your discomfort, the fear in your eyes and the way your lips are pursed as you try to make yourself seem as small as possible. In this circumstance, you were. You were just a human in the presence of a god, rejecting their highest offer of admiration. You wanted to flee, but something about Zhongli’s gaze over you made you stay.
“I know that’s not the truth, Y/N. You know you can’t hide things from me.” He says. You close your eyes and adamantly shake your head. The truth is, you didn’t want Zhongli to suffer a pain you knew so well. The pain of grief and endless, bitter longing for someone who had already gone from this world. You knew better than to allow this type of thing to happen, but Zhongli carelessly allowed himself to fall, and you yourself had loved him too. You were initially glad to be able to help him learn the joy of living, but in the end, you fell for him despite the risks, the pain it’ll bring, the devastation the future will cause. Sometimes you wonder if think too highly of yourself to assume you would have such an impact that Zhongli would remember you for the ages- but when you saw the shine in his eyes as he lived each moment with you as if it were a thousand years, no matter how banal it may be… it was clear he held onto things tighter than he should.
“Tell me, do I irritate you?” He asks.
“What? No, of course not!” You argue. Zhongli wasn’t convinced.
“Then why won’t you accept my love? Am I not good enough for you? Would I have to be more than a god to appease you?”
“Morax, please…” you plead but Zhongli continues.
“Allow me to form a contract with you, Y/N, please. Just a promise to have me for a while.” He doubles down. “Why won’t you agree?”
“Because I’ll die!” You yell in frustration. Zhongli was taken aback as he stared at your wide eyes, chest heaving and shoulders shaking. “I am nothing but a mortal! I’m  just a human and I’ll die before you even reach a quarter of your life.” You say. Zhongli was quick to protest but you were quicker in your warnings.
 “What will you do if I’ve passed? Will you move on? Will I just be a lesson to you? An old fable to tell the masses? Will my entire identity surround you and would my life be nothing but Morax’s mortal lover? What happens if you suffer? What happens if you cannot move on? I don’t want to think I’m capable of that influence but I’m just warning you. I don’t want you to grieve for me for a thousand years into the future. You don't deserve that type of pain.” 
He stays silent. Zhongli, as knowledgeable as he was, never thought of what he would do if that were to happen. He forgets sometimes that you were unlike those he kept close in his circle- you were human while they were gods. They were blessed with longevity but departed prosperous and ancient- while you were born to live then die- a simple, transient existence meant to be lived by simple beings. You were, as anyone else, ordinary. You preferred it that way. You bore no special powers or abilities like he had and you would die in silence unless you made something of yourself to be remembered- but you were too important to Zhongli to be forgotten or treated as less.
“Then… I’ll remember you.” He said with confidence. “Only by me, I promise.” You scoff and shake your head.
“That will only burden you more. I’d rather you forget and live out your life right here and now. Erosion comes with a price, and to pay is to forget, but I’d rather your memory of me erode than for you to suffer the consequences of grief.”  You said those words with venom in your tone. “Besides, there are others better than me, they’re more memorable. More remarkable. I’m just a person.” You wanted to drive Zhongli away so badly because you were human. You knew to grieve and suffer the weight of loss. You didn’t want him to suffer the pain of heartache. Zhongli felt angry for some reason; he didn’t think that you would be so unkind to reject his confession. He never thought you brave enough. He understood why you were angry, but he couldn’t grasp why you didn’t set that feeling aside for him.
“You don’t know what’s best for me,” Zhongli spits out. His gaze scares you. He carried the gaze of a true adeptus- powerful and holding such might that it forces mortals to their knees. You were too fearful of yourself to be afraid of him however. You wanted to be selfish and have him leave you first, but he’s unrelenting in his pursuit to stay. As stubborn as you were, Zhongli was worse. 
“Oh believe me when I say I know what’s best for you,” You choke out. “Please, Morax. Don’t make this any more difficult than it needs to be. I love you, but I can’t put you through that type of pain.”
Zhongli notices your shaking shoulders and his look softens. You loved him- they love me. How selfless of you to think about him first. He holds out a hand to have you take it but you rush forward and bury yourself in his chest. Zhongli couldn’t help but relax, even as he felt your tense shoulders under his hands.
“I’ll bear through it,” Zhongli whispers. “For you.” He feels you calm down just a little, enough for him to be reassured that you wanted him to stay.
Zhongli loved you dearly. He never anticipated the day he would lose you. He felt as though time moved too fast for his liking, that one blink and you would be old and withered. Zhongli wasn’t used to this lifestyle nor routine. A day for him felt like a second, but when he started living with you, he wanted it to feel like centuries. He wanted moments with you to be longer, to have your entire being engraved in his mind with each interaction you share- whatever that may be- Zhongli needed to remember everything.
You knew the question was coming. He always tried to sit you down for a conversation but always backed out at the last minute, chalking it up to some menial chore or some ‘other’ thing he needed to do. You’d observe this clueless mountain of a man sheepishly asking the couples of your village for advice, his cheeks turning red as they’d tease him through and through. You’d see Zhongli tripping over things, his hands hiding behind his back as he hurriedly rushes past you and you’d catch a glimpse of parchment in his hands. You’d catch Zhongli hiding behind the doors of your bedroom, mumbling things about ‘life everlasting’ and the ‘highest contract’ he can offer to you. You knew well what this meant, and you were more than elated when it finally happened.
It happened at your favorite spot, of course, during the very early mornings this time when the sun barely broke past the mountain line. You and Zhongli treaded up the path laughing silently as he held you by your hand, a happy and excited smile on his face.
“What are we doing?” You laugh as Zhongli stands by the cliffside. He looked magnificent like this- like a true adepti, save the burst of red from his cheeks and the forced contained smile on his face.
“Y/N, I took you here on this spot, on this day… I’ll spare you the specifics because you know well that I am not very good… with these things.” Zhongli starts. You hold your breath as he looks at you and moves forward. “But I know too, more than anyone, that you can teach me how to be better with these things, and I want my stay with you to last longer.” You blink dumbly at his declamation and can’t help but laugh at his cluelessness.
“Zhongli, what are you trying to say?” You tell him, watching as Zhongli sinks down to one knee, presenting to you a ring forged from gold and amber, glimmering against the orange rays of the sun. And along with it, a piece of parchment ready to be signed by you. 
“I know the hastiness of this and it may be too much to ask of you, but I want this with you, and this contract will oust the one that we have made before.” He says. “I found myself to greatly enjoy the time I spent with you, and I want to prolong that as much as I can, but in order for that to happen, I wish to spend that time with you with an official seal to our relationship.” Zhongli hastily presents the contract to you. “So… if you were to agree, just- Y/N?”
You were staring at him, tears welling in your eyes. All the fears from before flooded through you, coupled with the joy and giddiness in this moment. You wanted to accept, to be with Zhongli till your end of days, but you were also afraid. Afraid of the future and the short time you had with him. But at the same time, you wanted to allow yourself to be happy, live the solemn life of your dreams with someone you loved- and Zhongli loved you unconditionally. 
“Here’s my final settlement with you, Morax,” You say. Zhongli listens, his gaze holding yours intently as tears stream down your cheeks. “I’ll uphold your contract,” He smiles warmly but you stop him. “If you promise me you’ll forget us, me, once I die.” He laughs at first, but when he sees your expression, your slumped shoulders and the way you wrung your hands together, Zhongli’s heart drops to the pit of his stomach.
“That’s… a little imbalanced, don’t you think, Y/N?” He chuckles nervously. “I mean… we’ll marry, I just can’t forget my lifelong partner.” You open your arms and Zhongli, through impulse, sinks right into you. “It’s unfair, it’s unfair.”
“I wouldn’t exactly call myself lifelong now can I, Morax?” You say, lifting his face up to look at him. There was a look of pain in Zhongli’s expression- furrowed brows, a deep frown, and beautiful eyes glazed over with tears. It was supposed to be a beautiful moment- his wonderful appearance against the bright glow of sunrise, and you looking as wonderful as he. But now you both were crying, too early in the morning. It hurt you to see him this way, his strength now gone and replaced by a desperate plea to the inevitable turns of fate.
“But why?” He asks you. “Why do you want this?” You hold Zhongli’s face in your hands and wipe the tears away from his cheeks.
“I don’t want to be remembered, Morax. I don’t want to be written into history nor stories as the human the Prime of the Adepti fell in love with. I've lived my whole life as a simple person with simple dreams, and I’m so thankful to have you in my life to fulfill that but please, please promise me you’ll forget. I want you to move on more than anything. I understand how hard that may be, but all I want is for you to be happy.” The sound of defeat in your voice was enough to bring Zhongli to his knees. Can you imagine that? A human, such as you, powerful enough to bring the Prime of Adepti to your feet. He hugs you by your hips and cries silently as you run your fingers through his hair. He can’t imagine ever forgetting you, let alone you commanding him to do so. But he loved you too much now, he loved you too much to protest. Wordlessly, he nods and you sink down to the ground with him. Placing a gentle hand on Zhongli’s cheek, he melts into your palms and tries his best to atleast have this feeling engraved in his mind. 
“At least allow me to remember you,” He cries, pressing a kiss into your hands. “I and I alone. Please let me remember, I’ll suffer for your sake.” You shake your head defiantly but Zhongli only kisses you, holding your shaking body in his comforting warmth.
“You won’t be happy, then,” You say.
“I’m happier with you in my mind.” Zhongli responds. “Please, at least let me have this.” 
“And how will you move on?” You ask. Zhongli shakes his head. “How will you pass the time?”
“I don’t know.”
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jamiedc-they-them · 1 year
Text
Happiness (Platonic/Familial)
Summary: A guilt-ridden orphan has a chance encounter with a girl who is grieving, and the two find a family in each other. One that lasts.
SPOILERS FOR QUANTUMANIA IN THE SECOND HALF OF THE FIC!!!
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You had been an orphan for as long as you could remember. Just on your own; you against the world. Though, it mainly seemed to be the opposite way around most of the time.
And then the blip happened. You had survived. Lucky you.
Granted, it gave you new places to stay in, but then you saw the pictures of the families either fractured or gone all together.
Just imaging having a family, something to lose, made you not stay in any one place for long.
You couldn’t bare the thought, though part of you was envious and jealous. It was always just a thought to you, of having that to lose.
Still, you felt like you were intruding. You didn’t belong in those spaces, you belonged out on the streets that you ran away to.
But, part of you always did wonder, why weren’t you taken?
You couldn’t have done more to stop this from happening, even if it felt like it. Though, that didn’t help the guilt at all.
You didn’t know the people whose houses were empty, or those who were still left whose houses you accidentally broke into, and yet they weren’t so lucky.
Your brain was never kind to you anyway. But with this situation, it only get worse.
What made you so special to still be alive? Was the recurring theme of your thoughts.
One day, when going through someone’s bin for food, someone talks to you.
But it’s not in that angry tone you’re used to, it’s soft.
“Hey,” she says. You spin around, seeing a girl around your age. There’s mistrust in her eyes, sure, but there’s a softness there too.
“You don’t look too good,” she’s stating the obvious, but you just let her. You nod in agreement.
“I feel better than I look,” you counter, still weary of this girl.
She nods, and her eyes soften a small amount.
“Do you have anyone?” Strange question, but you find yourself being honest as you shake your head.
“I can make you something to eat, if you want?” A silence hangs after this question. Why is this girl who knows nothing about you offering something like food?
“I know it seems weird,” she says, seemingly able to sense your hesitation. Well, either that, or just made an educated guess as you hadn’t exactly moved or spoken since the offer, “but I think we need each other, now more than ever.” She’s earnest, you’ll give her that.
“How do you know I’m not a bad person?” You joke, she smiles slightly, but it wanes slightly.
“I don’t think a bad person would ask that.”
Despite your instinct to say no, to run, you instead find yourself saying something else:
“Ok.”
Her house is nice. It’s clean. You don’t know whether that’s a coping mechanism or not.
“You got any allergies?” She asks, pausing at the now open fridge door, just in case.
“No. No, nothing that I know of anyway.”
She nods, gesturing for you to sit down on the sofa as she makes a sandwich.
“I’ll do this, then be out of your hair,” you assure her.
“Do you have anywhere else to go?”
“Anywhere out there will do.”
She pauses her preparing of the food, turns to you, “you don’t have a home?”
You look to her, shaking your head, “people always found a reason to send me back one way or another. So I decided to take their agency away. I left.”
“I’m sorry that they did that.”
You don’t give a response, so she just continues to make your sandwich. 
“Here,” she says, brining it over to you. She sits down next to you, with her own sandwich.
You eat in silence for a moment, your eyes drift to a photo of herself and who you assume to be her dad. That same feeling returns.
“I’m sorry you lost him,” you say, softly.
She pauses, looking to the photo as well, “thank you,” she says, before she turns to you, “what’s your name?”
“Y/N,” you say honestly, it feels foreign to you, despite it being your true name.
“I’m Cassie,” her smile, despite the situation, is bright.
“Well, thank you for this, Cassie. But I’ll see myself out now —”
“Why don’t you stay?” She blurts out.
“Why?”
“You need somewhere to stay, and we can keep each other sane and alive.”
It’s a nice offer, but a dream you don’t fully deserve in your mind
“I’m a lot,” you counter with
She shrugs “we all can be. It’s ok.”
“Up here,” you tap your head, “I’m not a happy person.”
“That’s ok,” she assures, “we all struggle. Especially now with everything going on.”
“Why are you so nice to me?”
“Because everyone needs someone watching their back. I think you need a friend, and so do I. That, and my dad always said to watch out for the little guy.”
“Was he a ‘little guy’?”
“In more ways than one.” She says cryptically.
So, you stay, for what is intended to be one night, but that then turns into a week, then a month, then a year.
It’s slow going, Cassie is patient with you.
She buys therapy books, trying to aid you and herself where she can.
She tells you about her dad being Ant-man; you help her put flyers out looking for Scott.
There are a few scrapes you both get in; mainly your old habits of survival dying hard. Though sometimes it’s her own sense for justice that gets you in trouble sometimes too. Still, you both get each other out of it.
You become friends. Best friends.
Though for her, it’s deeper. She’s always wanted a sibling, younger or older it didn’t matter, and you seem to fit that bill.
She doesn’t force it own you, she still sees the haunted look in your eye whenever you look at the photo of Scott. You keep it platonic, scared of the familial terms.
Still, you’re good for each other. Going to protests and what not.
You keep each other sane, and alive for the  four years you spend together.
Then, well, Scott Lang turns up at your Cassie’s house. She’s overjoyed, and you’re happy for her, honestly. But those feelings of being an outsider come back.
Scott looks to you, then back to his daughter, “who’re they, Peanut?” He asks.
She spins around, seeing you. You fiddle with your hands, looking between the family.
She approaches you, and takes your hand, giving it a squeeze, “this is Y/N. They’ve been staying with me for a few years. They’re my best friend.”
Doing the opposite of what you expect, Scott smiles, “that’s great! Welcome to the family.”
He gets to know you, surprising you by how easily he accepts you into the fold. Even Hope and her folks. Though hope is more understanding. She understands survivor’s guilt. As does her father.
And before you know it, there’s a “family” meeting where they want to make it official and adopt you. You don’t know what to say, you freeze. But, Cassie knows you, she sees the look in your eyes when you look to her. She nods at the silent question.
“Ok,” comes out of your mouth, but it is more grateful than before.
You have a family now it seems, but also something to lose.
You and Cassie continue on your hunts for justice, being arrested more times then you can count. Though, at least this is for a good thing, like fighting for people who are like you – or, more so, like how you used to be? This was confusing to you, using that in past tense.
And while Scott and Hope are proud of you looking out for the little guy (or, Scott before the books would be), it coming at the cost of your own freedom doesn’t sit right with him.
It is then that you learn about Cassie experimenting with the Quantum realm. You only ever had street smarts, but you got the gist of the thing; send a message, get it back.
You see the genuine delight in her eyes as she talks, so you let your best friend go on about it.
Janet then breaks it, but that doesn’t stop a thing. Whatever she feared, seems it’s found you all.
Cassie, despite her fear, sees you go in, and goes in after you. Scott then goes in after her.
She does not find you, however. She finds her dad, and she’s grateful she’s not alone, but the one question she asks is: “Where’s Y/N?”
Where you are, you don’t quite know, but you see three concerned faces of the rest of the family hovering over you.
“You alright, kid?” Hope asks. You nod, and they help you up. Now, despite the words said before of you gaining that family, it still feels odd. Having something to lose scares you. You just want to find your best friend and get out, but now you are with the people in the family who – by no fault of their own – you aren’t the closest to.
Hank, however, seems to notice this:
“Hey, kid,” he says to you once Janet says you’re in the clear and you get on the move, “how you holding up?”
“About as well as one can in a situation like this.”
He chuckles, “yes. Yes, that’s fair. Still though, has its ups. It is pretty.”
You nod, unable to deny it, “has its charm.”
You both go on a bit, before you can’t hold it in any longer, “I’m sorry,” he looks at you, just waiting for you to find the right words, “I don’t mean to seem…cold, or anything. It’s just, this is all new to me,” in your mind, you sound pathetic.
With his, albeit sympathetic, smile however, he sees it another way, “you’ve been through a lot, too much for someone of your age. It’s ok to still be in that headspace, especially with something as weird as this,” he takes an unsteady breath before he continues, “when I thought I lost…Janet, I almost lost myself. For a while, I just sort of felt like I was floating, on autopilot, like I didn’t…” he quietens his voice down a bit, “like I didn’t deserve to be here.”
That gets your attention, you even look to him, “yeah…yeah, I get that too.”
He doesn’t like that you have, but he knows he has something now, “but I’m still here, and so are you.”
“How – um…how did it happen?”
He smiles, and looks ahead to the two women walking and talking in front of you, “Hope, she saved me. Kept me going. It took time, hell even now I sometimes feel like I’ll just wake up and Janet will be gone again and I’ll be back to square one. And with this whole multiverse thing…maybe that’s true somewhere.”
“Doesn’t that scare you?”
“It does; and, like I said, sometimes I feel like I am slipping back. Good days and bad ones. But, Hope is always there, she always has been. Janet is too, grounding me.”
“Cassie tried that with me. I mean, I am thankful, I think. It just…why me, you know? She could have given someone else the chance. I mean, I am sure no one would’ve noticed.”
“Cassie has always had a big heart. Let her dad back in after he got out of jail. Always been on his side. I am glad she’s brought you into the fold, you’re a good kid. I am glad you have a chance to be one. And, just remember,” he puts a hand on your shoulder, you’ve reached this bar Janet was talking about to meet her ‘friend’ in, “we’ll remind you as many times as you need. We are here.”
You meet him, but you can sense it’s going to go wrong. As the discussion continues, Hope clocks your unease. You’re good at hiding it, but an instinct she has of reading people can see you’re trying to find an exit.
Seemingly reading your mind when it goes to shit, she covers you as you go for the ship.
“Good instincts, kid!” Janet compliments as you and Hope hold off the guards, before boarding your new mode of transport yourselves.
As you go to find the rest…the rest of your family, Janet reveals why she was so scared to come back here. She started the reign of Kang and has no idea on how to stop him.
It’s not the most comforting thing, but at least you’re all on the same page now.
You all get back together, only to be ripped apart again. You’re taken to your own cell, as Janet is taken by Kang.
A part of you hopes for your family to come get you. But you then see the rest of the prisoners.
One, a tall and buff lady, tries to communicate with you, but you can’t understand what she’s saying. You curl up, just wishing you were back on earth, that you had gone into one of the other universes where this hadn’t happened, where you could just be alone. Like you –
“Y/N?” the voice is soft and concerned. For a moment, you don’t think it’s real, but you open your eyes, just in case – and for once, your hopes are confirmed.
It is Cassie. You pull her into a hug, this being the first one you had ever initiated.
She stumbles a bit but hugs you back as well.
“I’ve got you. I’ve got you,” she says.
“I knew you’d come get me,” her heart warms at the words. She knew this was all a lot for you, along with opening up to your new family – your only family – but she knew, they all knew, that only time would help with that. Hell, you barely opened up to her until about a few months before everyone came back from the blip. But still, you are here now.
“Always,” she swears, before knocking your foreheads together, “always.”
She then fishes in her pockets, “here,” she says, holding out a small device to you, “I made you a suit as well. Was gonna give it to you before, you know,” she spins her finger around, “all this.”
You nod, but your eyes don’t leave the device in her hands, “but I don’t know how to use it. I’m not like you.”
She shrugs, “no time like the present. And, besides,” she puts it in your hand, then covers your hand with her own, giving it a squeeze, “I don’t want you to be me. I want you to be you. My best friend. My sibling.”
You have tears in your eyes, Cassie mirrors them.
You put the device on your chest, then activate it. And, before you know it, you are in your own suit.
You are on of those people now. The people who save people. A hero.
Together, you both stand up, “now, what’s our play?”
She sees a spark in your eye, you always were alive when fighting for things.
“Anarchy?”
She nods, liking the plan, “anarchy.”
So, together, you make a call to the rest of this place, starting a revolution.
You’re still getting used to the suit, but it feels good, being able to make this all right.
Cassie can understand what all the aliens are saying, but not you. She remembers you haven’t had the drink she had.
But still, basic gestures of directions and nods are enough, it seems.
Then it comes down to you four against Kang, and it goes ok, before he loses control. But Hank rides in and saves you.
You are about to leave, but you look at the chaos down below. Unlike when the blip happened, you have a chance to save these people, to make it right; to make sure history does not repeat.
But you also know that it would be suicide. You could not be everywhere.
You feel a hand take your own, it’s Cassie. She looks down at the city with you.
You shut your eyes, still seeing the chaos that Thanos brought upon the world, this time subverted, but she also sees you accept that there was only so much you could do.
You look back at her, squeezing your sisters’ hand. You aren’t alone anymore; you can choose to be happy. You know it will be an up and down thing, but she’s grounding you right now. She reminds you that you are not alone. That, highs, and lows, they are there.
You all make it home.
You start trying therapy. It is slow. But you are making progress.
Scott starts making up for lost time, and always makes sure to have you included like that.
He has two kids now, but he isn’t complaining. You are a perfect fit.
He’s glad you’re looking out for yourself now as well. That you’re letting yourself have these good things.
You talk to them more, opening every now and then.
They do all they can.
Cassie is always there. At any protest, or to talk, or for company. She’s a great sister. She’s loyal, and always there to listen. She always makes good on her promise to remind you whenever you need that you matter to them.
You don’t know what’s coming, but you know you can’t control what comes next.
You can only control what’s now. And, right now, you’re happy.
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thetavolution · 1 month
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SHIRLEY
Full name:  Shirley Whiteclaw Evenwood Name meaning:  Shirley: bright clearing; Whiteclaw: self-explanatory  Pronouns: She/Her  Race: Half-Orc Age: 38  Orientation: Bisexual Romance: Undecided  Class: Fighter Subclass: Champion Origin: Soldier  Theme Song: Sweetest Devotion - Adele / I Lived - OneRepublic / You Said You’d Grow Old With Me - Michael Schulte 
Personality Shirley is a single mom with two kids at home and she always puts them first. Her main focus is taking care of her family and working as a sword for hire puts food on the table. She’s a sweet gal, even if her day job involves a lot of killing. She’s not the sharpest tool in the shed, but she’s cheery, friendly, and outgoing. She’s not book smart, but she has emotional intelligence. She’s also a very even-tempered person.
She’s talkative and the kind of person who’ll strike up a conversation with a total stranger like they’re old friends. Being a little dimwitted, she can be taken advantage of. She’s far too trusting for her own good. She is self-aware she’s not the smartest person in the room. 
People often look at her and think, “There’s nothing going on behind those eyes.” She’s basically a Labrador Retriever as a half-orc. 
Background Shirley is the product of an arranged marriage that was created to form an alliance between an orc tribe and the human village of Northwick. Her father relocated to the human village as part of the alliance since Shirley’s mother didn’t want to leave her hometown.
Fortunately, her parents did get along even if it was a loveless marriage. They were able to come together as friends to give their daughter a good life. It gave Shirley an unusual advantage compared to many other half-orcs. Her parents may not have been in love, but they did love her. She was raised in her mother’s village among humans. While she struggled to find acceptance, her good nature helped her worm her way into the hearts of the townspeople. She slowly got people to tolerate her and even won over some genuine friends. 
Her father trained her to be a fighter and she became set on protecting Northwick. She worked as a guard and this helped earn her respect among some of the higher ranking villagers. She even met and married a human paladin, Kayne Evenwood. They would have three children together, Galvyn and Bilga. Sadly, not long after Bilga’s birth, Kayne drowned when he was caught in a current while trying to save a small child who slipped into the river. He was able to save the boy, but lost his life in the process.
Alone, she took jobs as a sword for hire to take care of her children. When a tadpole got lodged in her brain, she had to set out to save herself and her children. While away, the kids stay with their grandparents.
Likes: Her children, her late husband, giving her kids a better life, children (in general), animals especially dogs, giving to charity, volunteering, social events, talking with people, early mornings, and romance novels
Dislikes: Anything that could harm her family, being away from home, criminals, bullies, people judging her based on being a half-orc, loneliness, bugs, hurting people who don’t deserve it, math, 
Fears: She’s afraid of anything happening to her children. Outside of her children, she’s terrified that she won’t be able to protect her village or that peace between the humans and nearby orcs will be compromised. She hates to admit she fears dying alone, too. She doesn’t feel like she should want love again, but she does. On a lighter note, she’s really scared of talking to a room full of people. She hates it.
Quirks: She talks pretty loudly, even when trying to whisper. There’s a running joke amongst her friends that she just CANNOT whisper even in a life or death situation. 
Mental Health: She’s still grieving her husband while trying to focus on her children.
Favorite Food: Minted Pea Soup, Rabbit Stew, Wayfarers’ Cake, and Toasted Cockatrice Gizzards on Rye
Favorite Drink: Moon Mountain Ale, Mint Tea, and Apricot Cider
Favorite Flower: Summer Lillies and Peonies (Peonies was the first flower Kayne ever gave her)
Height: 6’2”
Skin: Sage Tone 5
Hair:  Red Black with Gray
Eyes:  Brown 1
Color Scheme:  She wears a lot of browns, silvers, and blues. She doesn’t really pick her armor based on color, but durability and strength. She never thinks to get things dyed or colored. When not in armor, she leans toward shades of green and blue.
Fashion Sense: She’s a simple woman with a simple wardrobe. It’s all about durability for her. As a woman with two kids, she doesn’t dress up fancy. (Bilga is just going to spit up on it.) She does like to wear nice things from time to time though. In those cases, she keeps it simple and elegant.
Family: 
Nybarg Whiteclaw — He’s Shirley’s orc father. He was offered to the humans for the marriage contract simply because he didn’t really fit in with the other orcs. While he’s not cuddly and sweet, he is agreeable. He doesn’t actually like to turn to violence in most cases and prefers to just let people live and let live. He loves his daughter and grandchildren with every part of his being.
Enid Whiteclaw — She’s Shirley’s human mother. She’s a strong-willed and kind woman. She quickly earned her husband’s respect shortly after meeting each other, mostly because she’s an assertive person. She’s a bit pig-headed and she was definitely the head of the household. She loves her daughter and grandchildren more than anything. Enid and Nybarg are not in love, but grew to love one another as friends.
Kayne Whiteclaw Evenwood — He’s Shirley’s late husband. He was a human and a paladin who swore to the Oath of the Ancients. He fell in love with Shirley’s big heart. He was honorable, brave, and kind.
Galvyn Whiteclaw Evenwood — They’re Shirley’s 5-year-old kid. 
Bilga Whiteclaw Evenwood — She’s Shirley’s 1-year-old daughter.
I slightly ignored how DnD does half-orc aging. I’m treating her more like she just ages the same as a human instead. If you don’t like it, you can fight me. But don’t actually because I can’t fight.
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beckwritesfiction · 2 years
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At Full Dark: Part 1
(18+ ONLY) THIS POST CONTAINS SEXUAL THEMES, MINORS PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT.
Summary: Ellie attends the funeral of her father, and reunites with people she hasn't seen since she was a child. Some have the best of intentions, and others don't.
A/N: I've been getting messages asking me to post the first chapter, and I'm happy to! I haven't hit my word count goal, but I'm putting this up a little early for you guys. I'm really excited about this, and I am hope you are, too! I wanted to read over this more but I'm currently posting this on my break at work.
Warnings: drinking, protected PIV, mentions of domestic abuse, mentions of past death and grieving. Let me know if there's anything you wish for me to add, and I'd be happy to.
Word Count: 4.5k
PART I 
The paper the funeral home had given her and anyone else who walked through the door was the thing she stared at, rather than her dead father in the open casket in front of her.  The church wasn’t very full, but that didn’t surprise her.  In fact, she was shocked she wasn’t the only person there.  From her understanding, her father was an asshole.  And because he never remarried, he left everything he had to her.
Leonard “Lonnie” Belfure passed away at the age of sixty-one in his home located in Wabang, Wyoming.  He is survived by his daughter, Virginia Eloise Brown (Neé Belfoure), and her husband, Weston Brown.  Lonnie took over the Belfure ranch from his father at the age of twenty-six.  Please join us at 11:00 AM on Monday, May 27th at West Baptist Church for the funeral.
If she left him months ago, Wes’ name wouldn’t have been on the paper, and she wouldn’t be thinking about how stupid it was that her last name was still Brown.  She wasn’t even sure she wanted it to be Belfure, either.  While she was supposed to be praying for her father’s soul, she prayed wherever he was, he couldn’t beat women, or yell at children.  And then she prayed a better last name would come to her soon, because she wasn’t using Brown or Belfure.  
The graveyard wasn’t far, so she set out to walk, ignoring everyone in church because she didn’t know them, and she wasn’t planning to.  It was only when Cecelia stopped her on the steps that her face softened.  Her sunglasses and foundation covered most of her black eye.  
She hugged her tightly, the time she took care of her coming back to her.  It was then that she felt like she might cry, and she hadn’t cried once since she found out her father finally died.
“I didn’t wanna pry, but I wanted to make sure you didn’t need anything.  Had I known you were back in town, I woulda helped with—”
“I had someone put this together for him.  It was no trouble at all,” she assured her.  The last thing she wanted was someone as sweet as Cecelia, thinking she’d been crying and slaving away planning the funeral. 
“Are you stayin’ with someone?  Is there anything we can do for you?”  She shook her head slowly, taking in how much Virginia had changed.  There was no indication she was even from Wabang.  She looked like her grandmother did when she came to pick her up fifteen years ago: totally out of place.
“I’ve got a room in town until I get the keys to the house.  Really, you don’t need to go out of your way for me, Missus Abbott.”
“Virginia, honey, please call me Cici.”  When she took her hands, she was reminded of her mother.  It had been three years since she died, and in those three years, she hadn’t been comforted through anything that had happened to her.  
“Call me Ellie, alright?” she said, not offering an explanation.  
Cecelia looked over her shoulder, the rest of her family as well as everyone else making their way out of the church.  “I’m sorry we only get to meet your husband under these circumstances.”
Ellie shook her head, laughing to herself humorlessly.  “Oh, no.  He couldn’t make it.  Bad timing, but death waits for no one, right?”  The rush of the small crowd was enough to separate them.  But Cecelia found her again when she noticed she was going in the wrong direction. “Parkin’ lot’s this way,” she said, placing a hand on her shoulder.  While she didn’t look upset, if she was walking in the wrong direction, she wanted to be gentle about reminding her.  She had been old enough, walking in and out of this exact church, to remember.
“I figured I’d walk.  It’s not that far.”
“No, come on. We’ll give you a ride.”
“There’s no room in my truck,” Perry pointed out as gently as he could.  He was fragile, imagining he’d be throwing a funeral for his missing wife soon if she wasn’t found.   
Rhett, who’d overslept, had driven separately.
“I can,” he offered.  
The walk back to his truck was longer, as he was the very last person to arrive.  He had to park farther away as a result.  “Sorry ‘bout comin’ in late,” he said, unsure of how else to talk to someone he hadn’t seen in so long.
“He’s lucky anyone showed up at all.  You could've stayed home and I wouldn’t have taken it personally.  I don’t even wanna be here.”  Her confession came easily.  There was a chance he wasn’t the kind of person he was when they were little, but something about her memories of him being so fond made her feel like she could be completely honest.  “You didn’t come back just for this, did you?”  She looked over at him, a small frown on her face.  It was the first time she’d looked at him that day, and it was the first time he felt like anyone had looked at him in a while.
“Don’t have to come back if you never left in the first place,” he said, walking between his truck and another, opening the door for her.  He held out his hand for her when she looked like she questioned how to get into it.  She took it, stepping up onto the running board and inside.
When he finally closed his own door, she looked over at him.  He didn’t look like he’d gotten a lot of sleep.  “I guess I shouldn’t take everything from the last time we talked seriously.”
“Maybe some.  I may not be the greatest rider in all of Wabang County, but I’m gettin’ close.”
She smiled at this, thinking back to how sure he was that that’s what he wanted to do, and now he was doing it.  Maybe he hadn’t left town, but small town people sometimes didn’t mind the pace of life that came with where they lived.  
“What?” he asked, finding himself smiling, too, and not feeling guilty now that he knew there was no one around to judge them.  Smiling at a funeral wasn’t usually acceptable.  But in this case, he assumed it was.
“I just think it’s funny how things work out.”
“Why?  You take my advice and write books?”
She nodded as he began to drive.  “Yeah, actually, I did.  It took me a while, but I did it.”  She didn’t tell him how she was supposed to pitch a new book, as she was contractually obligated to, by the end of the month, and she had no idea what to do.  That worried her, but she had a lot going on.  Even if her father’s death didn’t really affect her, her marriage did.  She’d need to file for divorce, and she couldn’t keep dodging Wes’ calls forever.  He was undoubtedly pissed that she left while he was gone that night, but she wasn’t ready to argue about it yet.
As they neared the graveyard, he knew their time together was running out.  “You wanna meet later and catch up?  I know I shouldn’t be askin’ before this is over, but…”
“Yeah.  I’d like that. I’m on Main Street, so maybe the bar near there?”
Her not remembering the name, mixed with how articulate she now sounded, reminded him that she was so far removed from her former life there. As much as he looked at her, standing over the grave as they lowered the casket into it, he didn’t see the bruise on her face.  No one else did, either.  
Before Cecilia could offer one last time to help in any way she could, Ellie was approached by Wayne Tillerson.  No one heard what he asked, but they heard what she said.  “If I decide to sell it, you’ll hear when everyone does.”
“Ain’t really the time, now is it?”  Royal asked, speaking for the first time that day.  At least that’s how it looked to Ellie.  The hostility was unmistakable, and she decided if it came to her getting wrapped up in it, she’d leave the sale up to a lawyer.  
“How long you in town for?” Rhett asked when the bartender brought over the first round.   
Ellie shrugged.  “As long as I need to be.”
“What’s Mister Brown think about that?”
She laughed, seeing how he meant it.  Like he knew something was off.  She thought maybe he’d seen her bare left hand and put the pieces together.  “Mister Brown can go fuck himself, and anyone else that’ll have him on the Upper West Side.”
It was the first time he’d seen her without her sunglasses on, and he thought about how she looked familiar, yet so different.  Her features were sharper, but her eyes were the same.  He never forgot the way she looked at him when they were little because, at the time, it seemed like she was the only one that didn’t look at him in a bad way.  To that day, it felt the same.  When she looked at him he felt seen.  Not because he had a good ride and there was a girl that wanted to go home with him.  It felt deeper than that, and it wasn’t something he’d felt since he was twelve.
“I didn’t realize you wrote those books,” he said, changing the subject.  “I knew what they were.  I’d heard about them, I mean.  But I didn’t realize it was you.”
“You looked me up?”
He nodded, smiling a little.  “Yeah.  I was curious.  Wanted to know what you were writing about.  I thought a lot about what you might be up to.”
“I thought a lot about you, too.  You were the first person that ever told me I should write books.  That’s why I went to Colombia, for their writing program.”
“Colombia Colombia?” he asked, eyebrows raised.
She smiled, nodding.  No one had been impressed with her accomplishments in a long time.  With her mother gone, the only person who really knew her was Wes.  And he didn’t like her being successful, or having friends, or going places without him.  Despite growing up away from her father, she’d managed to marry someone just like him.  Without realizing it, her smile had faded, and she’d been staring at her glass for way too long.
“You were the first person that didn’t think the whole bull ridin’ thing was a phase.”  It sounded a little like an offer.  One for her to continue the conversation and not think about whatever had pulled her out of it in the first place.  “I still have that book you wrote me.”
“What did I call it?” she laughed, trying hard to remember it.  
“Rhett Abbott: The Best Bull Rider Ever.”
“The way people look at you in here, it might as well be true.”
He finished his drink, then leaned forward, resting his arms on the table.  He waved over at the bartender for another round.  Him finishing his made her finish hers.  “I got a few chances left this season to make it come true.  The other stuff in there, probably not.”
“What else did I write?”
“Stuff about a happily ever after.  I’ll blame that on the fairytales you were readin’ back then.”
“Why can’t you have that?” she asked curiously.
He couldn’t tell her why because he wasn’t even sure why he’d said it in the first place.  If he was going to find someone, he would’ve found them already.  At least that’s what he thought.  He blamed it on the town, and on the account of him never leaving home like he wanted to.  
The way he looked around told her he didn’t have an answer.  “Well if you can’t have it, neither can I.  Because I feel like I did everything right and now I’m here.”  He looked back to her when she noticed his wrist.  “What happened to your wrist?” she asked, looking at his brace.
“I fell on it wrong,” he answered dismissively.  He didn’t want to talk about it because then she might be concerned.  He didn’t want that to be all they talked about.
“Will it heal in time?”
“Doctor thinks so.”
“Does it hurt?” she asked, reaching out and running her index and middle finger along the brace.  The way he looked at her then made her wonder why she did it.  Maybe she was lonely, or maybe she just wanted to make sure he wouldn’t stop talking to her.
“If it did, what would you do?”
She leaned back, finishing her second drink with a shrug.  “I’m not a doctor.”
A few more rounds in, and he asked her the real question that he wanted to ask earlier, when he read the pamphlet from her father's funeral.  “What happened with you and your husband?”
After thinking for a second, she shook her head.  “How would you feel if I asked you why you don’t have a wife?” she asked.
“Those’re two very different questions.”
“You answer mine first, if you wanna know the answer to yours.”
He nodded, thinking hard about how to say it without sounding depressing.  It wasn’t, to most people.  He couldn’t be lonely because he could get someone to go home with him every night if he wanted to, and he very often did.  “Just hasn’t happened.”
It wasn’t the answer she wanted, but she assumed it was better than not getting one at all. “Standard stuff, I guess.”  She knew not everyone hit their wives, especially not the day of their mother’s funeral, but she wasn’t going to say that.  Feeling brave, she leaned forward a little.  “It’s only been a few days, but I’ve wanted to do it for a few years.”
He frowned, missing something. “Do what?”
“Leave him.”
He hadn’t realized it had only been a few days since she left, but he figured that was better than her not leaving at all.  “When’d you marry him?”
“Four years ago.”
That didn’t last long and, not knowing what to say, he shrugged.  “Twenty’s young, anyway.  That’s not your fault.”
It was, and she reminded herself that he didn’t know her, even if it was easy to talk to him again.  “I don’t really wanna talk about this.  Ask me anything else, and I'll answer.”
He nodded, looking around the crowded bar as he thought hard.  “What are you workin’ on now, for your book?”
She bowed her head, releasing a small sigh.  “I don’t have anything yet.  That’s part of the problem.  But I’m sure I’ll figure it out by Monday.”
“What’s on Monday?”
“I’ve gotta pitch my next book, and they’ll give me deadlines, and then I'll have to start writing again.”
“Well, I’m sure it’ll be easy for you.”  He didn’t doubt her at all, remembering how easily she used to tell him stories based off of nothing.  And he’d only really spent time with her during what was probably one of the worst weeks of her life.  When it looked like she didn’t believe what he said, he put his hand on her wrist.  “If not, why don’t you just rewrite my book?”
She laughed.  Had he not said that, she would’ve thought too much about him touching her so casually.  “I’m sure that’ll translate well with the adult market.”  The bartender brought over another round, and she continued.  “That would be a change, if I did that, though.  I need dark, and mysterious, probably a little depressing, too.”
“That’s not what I thought you’d be writin’.”
“Well, you haven’t seen me in fifteen years.”
He wondered if that was a good thing.  If she’d stayed, would she just think of him the way everyone else did?
They were there for so long that she didn’t want the night to end, but she also should’ve stopped a few drinks ago.  He was ready to order another round when she stopped him from raising his hand.  “I should stop.”
“You should or you want to?” She laughed a little, shaking her head and then regretting it.  “I mean, I want to remember tonight.”  When she released his hand, her arm felt heavy.  He took her hand, and she met his eyes again.
“Maybe I don’t wanna stop talkin’ to you.”
“Maybe we don’t need to do it here.”
He nodded.  After paying the tab, they left.  When he walked her to his truck, he went to reach for the door, but dropped his keys.  He almost fell getting back up, and she steadied him.  “What are you doing?”
“Tryin’ t’be gentleman and open your door.”
She frowned.  “You’re not driving.”  He didn’t look at her at first, leaning back against his trunk.  He handed her the keys, and she laughed, mostly out of discomfort.  “I’m not driving, either.  But I’m down the street.  Let’s just go there.”  Being on the third floor, and there being no elevator, it took a while to get to her room.  When she nearly fell, he caught her.  When it happened again on the second flight of stairs, and she sat down at the top of it, he offered her his hands.  
“Come on, I’ll carry you.”
This earned another laugh, one that went on far too long and echoed through the corridor.  “You’re not carrying me.”
“You don’t trust me?” He was so close to her, leaning down, that he almost kissed her.  
She shook her head, her nose brushing against his briefly.  “Not on the stairs.”
When they finally made it to the top, his hands remained on her hips, guiding her like they had on the way up.  While trying to find her key in her purse, he leaned against the door, watching her.  He thought her eye looked strange, like her makeup was smudged, but he ignored it, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear when it fell into her face.  He’d wanted to kiss her all night. And now, it being all he could think about, was exactly what he did.  Even though she hadn’t found the room key in her purse yet, she kissed him back.  The handle slipped from her grasp, and she pulled away from him.
After finally finding her wallet, she fumbled with the key for a while before finally getting it inside the door.  It opened roughly, her relying too much on the handle to hold her up.  The noise it made when it hit the doorstop was loud, but it only elicited laughter from them.  He kicked it closed when she put her purse down on the scratched table by the door.
“This is…”
“Shitty?” she asked.  “Yeah, but it’s all there is.”
“You can come stay with us,” he offered. “Mom’d be happy to have the company.”
She turned around, taking off her jacket.  “Would she be happy with the way you’re kissing me?”
He laughed.  “Probably not, not like she’d know.”
“I think she would.  But I’ve got a meeting tomorrow, anyway.  I’ll have the keys to the ranch, and I won’t have to stay here again.” 
He left it at that, sliding off his boots while she started to undo the strap of her heel, one arm bracing against the wall.  She hadn’t sobered up since leaving the bar.  If anything, she felt the full effects now.  He helped her, urging her to sit on the edge of her bed.  He grabbed her ankle, and she laid back.
“I haven’t been this drunk in years.”
“This is just a regular Tuesday night for me,” he said as he let one shoe fall to the floor.  There was a thud, and she brought her other foot up onto his leg.  She laughed, taking what he said as a joke.  
He got the other shoe off even faster, and it prompted her to say, “You’re really good at taking off shoes.  I can’t even get them off that fast.”
“I’ve had a lot of practice.”
Again, she took this as a joke.  He got on the bed, hovering over her.  His hips pressed down against hers, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, her dress riding up her thighs.  The way he looked down at her made her smile.
“What?” she asked, her hand resting against his side.
“I forgot earlier…to tell you how pretty you are.”  His free hand brushed against her cheek.  His hands were rough, and her face was so soft.
When she smiled, he kissed her again.  This time, when she kissed him back, he couldn’t believe how different it felt to him.  No one kissed him this way, and he had no idea that she felt the same way.  He wanted her, and she could feel that from him even before.  It felt good to be wanted, but thinking about that made her wonder if she only wanted him, too, because she’d gone so long without feeling loved.
The second his hand went to her thigh, she shifted beneath him, kissing him harder.  She hadn’t expected him to move further up.  When he almost pulled her underwear down, she reached down to stop him.
“Why are you doing this?” she asked.
He was taken aback, and he frowned. “Cause I want you.”
“You don’t wanna know why I want you?” It felt like a stupid thing to say, and she regretted it the second she said it.
“You wanna tell me?”
“Should I do this if I don’t even know?”
He moved off of her, resting his head on the pillow, but staying close to her.  She followed him, moving so their legs still touched, and her arm rested against his chest.  Her hand was against his cheek as she examined him, conflicted.  
“Tell me what you mean.”  The longer she looked at him, the better he was able to see her face.  Her makeup was messed up, but he realized now, with how close they were to the bedside lamp, that she wore minimal eye makeup.  It wasn’t mascara on her eye, it was a bruise.  Her makeup was wearing off as the night went on.
“It’s stupid.”  She shook her head.  “I’m just thinking too hard about something that should be simple.  People drink to stop thinking, right?  Not me, I guess.”
“What happened here?” he asked, his thumb brushing against the bruise on her eye.  She flinched a little as she closed her eyes, and he frowned.  “If you don’t tell me, I’m just gonna assume the worst.”
She finally looked at him again, nodding slowly.  “The worst is probably right.”
The idea that someone would hit her was hard to think about, but once he pictured it, he felt like he needed to do something about it.  “Does he know you’re here, where you’re stayin’?”
She went to answer him, but he was already saying something else.  “Did he just do this, or has he been doin’ this a while?”
Ellie frowned.  “I told you I don’t wanna talk about it.  He doesn’t know where I am.  I’ve been ignoring him.  When I get a chance, I’ll have someone serve him and I won’t have to see him again.  I’ve got it handled.  I’m just…laying low here.”
“You’re not goin’ back to the city on Monday, for your book pitch?”
“If I wanted to sit and think about all that, I wouldn’t have gone out with you tonight.  I can do it over the phone.  It’s not your job to be worried about what I got myself into.  I just don’t wanna do this with you if it’s for the wrong reasons.”
“I feel like my reasons are right.  You’re beautiful, and smart, and talkin’ to you makes me feel like I’m who I wanna be.  I haven’t felt that in…” he trailed off, hoping he didn’t have to say any more.
“We’re either too drunk or we’re not drunk enough,” she declared, laying down beside him.
“I didn’t come back here for no reason, Virginia.  I—”
“Ellie. Call me Ellie.”  He seemed confused.  “I haven’t gone by Virginia in years, and I don’t want to.”
“Okay, Ellie.”  Saying it felt weird.  But he’d do what she wanted.  Him saying her name made her regret putting so much distance between them.  “I meant what I said; I like talkin’ to you.”
“You don’t know me.”
“I feel like I do.”  She scooted closer to him again, and he wrapped his arm around her waist.  There was something she wanted to say, but couldn’t find the right words.  “What people say when they’re drunk, it’s what they really mean.”
After a second, she said, “You just make me feel…like I haven’t in a while.  And I don’t wanna do this because of that.  If that’s the only reason.  And I can’t think right like this.  I can’t tell if it’s just because of that, or if it’s because I’d do it just because I want you.  I think I would, but what if I’m wrong?”
“Ellie, I’d be happy with whatever we do in here tonight.”  His hand moved over the curve of her waist and to the bare skin of her thigh again.  “Whyever you wanna do it.”
She wanted to feel loved, to not question everything she did, and to have someone sleep beside her that didn’t hate her.  When she kissed him again, she was under the impression that that’s what he’d give her.  It wasn’t as rushed as it had been before and, despite how tired she felt, she didn’t want it to end.  At first, she was on top of him, liking the amount of control she had until she found that she didn’t want it anymore.  She stopped kissing him long enough for him to realize what she wanted, and readjust.  His hand was on her lower back, lifting her so she could get comfortable against the pillow before leaning down to kiss her neck.
While she released a shaky sigh, she grabbed his hips, wordlessly begging him to be closer to her again.  She hadn’t liked sex in so long, as much as she’d tried.  But she liked this.  He matched her pace from before, thinking at first he’d have to deal with what she wanted instead of what really happened.  He liked it because it was with her.  Any other night, with any other woman, he would’ve thought it felt strange, how affectionate she wanted him to be.  But he liked seeing her like that, hearing what he was doing to her.  This wasn’t something quick that meant nothing, and that was all he was used to.
By the time he laid back down beside her, he was exhausted.  He could hardly keep his eyes open as she pulled the covers over them.  
“Will you stay here with me?” she asked as he reached blindly for the lamp, eventually switching it off.  It fell, and he didn’t have the will to pick it up.
“I’d be real sad if you asked me to leave after that.”
 The only reason he knew she was smiling the way she was was because she kissed him again.  She rolled over next, moving back until she was against him, fitting in his arm perfectly.  Her hair smelled so good, and he fell asleep trying to figure out exactly what it smelled like.
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