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the-cannibal · 1 year

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Idk if this is weird.. but can you make what slasher do when y/n having a period cramps? (This is totally so weird..)

WHEEZE- I love this, I get really painful cramps so a slasher comforting me would be heaven.

Wrote this on my phone so I apologize if it gets laid out weird, Tumblr hates me writing on my phone for some reason…

Slashers with a afab s/o on their period dealing with cramps

Reader is afab but no gendered terms are used - you is used

Includes: Lester Sinclair, Jason Vorhees, Michael Myers, Billy and Stu, Bubba Sawyer, and Tiffany Valentine

Lester Sinclair

“Lesssss…” “Yeah hun?” “I’m bleeding :(“

?!?!?!! YOUR WHAT-?

This man. This sweet sweet man. You love him. But he is not the brightest. Especially with things like this. So he’s kinda panicking and thinking your dying-

“DO YOU NEED STITCHES?” “NO! NOT UNLESS YOU WANNA STICH MY CROTCH SHUT!” “OH GOD YOUR BLEEDING DOWN THERE?!”

Please explain to him what is happening. Even though he’s a little clueless, Lester will NOT find this stuff gross, weird, or say that you should have kept it to himself. Dude throws roadkill into a pit in the ground on a daily bases and has murderer brothers. This will not phase him (once he understands that you aren’t dying)

Tell him what products and brands you get and he will happily go get them. He isn’t shy to purchase them for you or ask someone in the store for help if he can’t find what you asked for. Men be more like Lester.

He will cuddle you if you’d like! And if he isn’t home to do the cuddling well you’re lucky he’s got the cutest dog in the world! And she loves cuddles!

If you do chores/housework/cook/literally anything NO YOU ARE NOT. YOU WILL SIT ON THE COUCH OR BED AND RELAX. This man will do it for you :)

Jason Vorhees

This man is also confused. Not as much as Lester, but still confused. He has seen victims have pads and tampons in their bags before, with packaging that says period/menstrual cycle. So he was able to figure out that’s what you needed. But he didn’t quite understand why-? His mom never explained it to him.

Explain it to him if you want, he would listen, probably be a little horrified that you go through this every month, but also kinda impressed? You bleed out your body for a week EVERY month, and you can still function?

“Jason cuddle?” MAN IS RUSHING TO YOU TO CUDDLE YOU ASAP.

He would loot victims bags and get you any snacks you like, make you tea in the mornings. Make you food. It’s pretty great.

One day he found a heating pad and oh my god you practically tackled him to the ground in kisses.

If you get mood swings and snap at him he might look at you like a kicked puppy, but he knows you’re in pain right now and doesn’t take it to heart.

He doesn’t leave camp so if you need to get supplies you have to get them yourself, sorry. But he will be waiting back home at the cabin to do whatever you want!

Michael Myers

Uhhhh…. There there? He isn’t really great at comforting.

You’re bleeding. Blood. He’s good with blood. Do you need anything washed? He can wash anything for you and make it look brand new.

He isn’t much of a cuddler, but for you he makes an exception.

Want candy? This man has TONS of candy. Man has a sweet tooth alright-

If you have mood swings Michael is great to have! He has no bad reaction to you suddenly crying and venting about literally anything, getting mad and yelling, and then crying because you got mad and yelled. He will not judge you!

Man won’t get you products though. The Shape go to a pharmacy and get pads or tampons? He’d rather Halloween he canceled forever.

Overall he’s like a 5/10 with this stuff.

Poly Billy and Stu

“OH GOD YOURE DYING-“ THWACK! “No idiot that’s not what that means.” Thank you Billy :)

Stu is a cuddle whore- he’s practically attached to you as soon as you suggest you are in any pain.

Billy meanwhile is getting you products, snacks, putting on your favorite movie (even if it’s one he hates)

Both boys would rub where it hurts! Ain’t that nice :)

Stu hogs your heating pad until you snap at him to give it back- man is like a lizard, he needs heat. Billy would help make sure you get your heating pad. And if anything he just buys you another. Which Stu would also probably steal-

But other then that they won’t do much unless you ask. If you ask them do do or get you anything they will drop anything they are doing and do it.

Bubba Sawyer

He’s probably the worst honestly- man is just full panic.

You’re bleeding? Why? How can he make it stop? He can’t? You’re hurt?! OH NO PLEASE DONT BE UPSET NO NO NO!

His sweet mama would have to explain what is happening. He still doesn’t understand. So she would probably be the one to take care of you.

He would cuddle you though if you asked!

Overall like a 3/10 for cuddles and being concerned. Just shows he loves you!

Tiffany Valentine

“Tiff…” “Yes my love?” “I have cramps :(“ “oh my poor sweet baby! What do you need hun? You wanna lay down with a hot bottle? Would you like anything to eat or drink? Do you need me to pick anything up?”

She totally understands.

She is the sweetest. She makes you HOME MADE sweets! My mouth is watering just thinking of it.

She would cuddle and rub where it hurts while trailing kisses down your body and telling you how amazing you are

Need anything washed? She’s got it covered!

Would probably make some jokes if you both are on your periods together “omg babe it’s uterUS!” “I hate you.”

BIG CUDDLE BUG. CUDDLES FOR DAYS.

This stuff does not gross her out (obviously) so don’t be scared or embarrassed to go to her for absolutely anything!

Overall 1000/10 she is the best

#slasher x reader #house of wax 2005 #house of wax x reader #slashers x reader #lester sinclair x reader #tiffany valentine x reader #tiffany valentine #bubba sawyer x reader #bubba sawyer #jason vorhees x reader #jason voorhees #michael myers #michael myers x reader #halloween #friday the 13th #cannibals writing requests

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antiendovents · 2 months

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[ Vent Below ]

TWS: Cultural Appropriation, very very brief gun mention

I'm confessing my sins to you, and I pray this never gets traced back to my actual account. I just have never, EVER been able to share this with anyone. Ever. I don't think you will necessarily be a "safe place" either, but this is a vent/rant space with an anon option. I feel very slightly safe. No one in the system community would accept me if they knew what I did, so I'm like "anon vent mode".

When I was thirteen, I ''''''created'''''' [heavy quotes because it isn't an actual thing] an alter who we will call A, since he'll be a reoccurring part of this all. I did not call him an alter at the time. To be honest with you, mod of this account and I guess anyone who reads this, [my first sin] back when I ''''''created''''' him, I called him a tulpa.

We found out later that the professional who diagnosed us with DID [because, yes, we are a medically recognized system] had done so without bringing it up being a possibility up a second time. I mention second time because the first time she had brought it up, she commented that the specialists she talked to said that they would be hesitant to diagnose me [rightfully so]. She, in hindsight, probably didn't mention any of our trauma to them because of HIPPA. i [alter front] personally believe she diagnosed us around this time.

The second time it was brought up, it was actually an entirely separate alter than the one she told about the hesitance to diagnose. The alter at that time was like "I think we may have to consider DID.. It sounds like what I experience...." and she was like "I already diagnosed you months ago, I talked to 3 other alters".

Talk about a surprise pikachu moment for that alter.

When I first joined the system space, I was a semi-newly discovered system. I had already known about several alters-- A and his creation was what made us be able to communicate with as a system, but all communication was slashed when we had a new host front for three years , which was the host who got us diagnosed. So when we were joining tumblr, we were just establishing good contact again, and when I made my blog I was diagnosed for, like, idk a year before [social media scares us, community spaces scare us, and this is our first time using tumblr again since 2013].

We forgot about the whole term of ''tulpas'' because of amnesia, straight up had a different alter eat those memories to keep the system functioning [in hindsight, its beneficial to know about, but also not]. I had ENTIRELY forgotten the actual term for "tulpas" [in quotes bc its not the actual Buddhist practice]. I just remembered it as "oh i made this dude, he was a ball of light and then suddenly he was having full conversations and chose his own appearance and personality, and why did he choose to be a dickhead [a joke at him /lh]".

Up until making my blog, I didn't engage in plural communities. Not even the tulpa community when I engaged with the content. I was a traumatized kid terrified of everyone, i simply learned how to 'create' a 'tulpa', did it and it worked better than I thought it would, and then fucked off. It was the most traumatic period of our life [when I made A], all I wanted to do was have someone to be with me so I wasn't alone with it all. He very much took on a protector role from the beginning, fronting once for 3 days in a blackout amnesia episode because another alter felt silly [he was an anger holder and was very angry, to sum it up].

Then I joined Tumblr. Because of joining system spaces, I have since re-found the term Tulpa, and ffs?? The absolute guilt and shame we feel is so immense. Not only because I appropriated a cultural practice I have no fucking right to be in, but also because I'm also someone made a mockery of the very disorder I have. It feels like I don't even deserve to be diagnosed.

That's why I don't fit completely into anti-endo spaces, but I don't fit endo spaces either.

We were posting to a small audience of 0 notes in system spaces, which felt safer for us. So we were going ham on our blog, enjoying our time, but we got our first ask.

"You guys seem so nice,,, why are you anti-endo?"

I'm like??? anti-endo?? wtf is that??? what's an endo?? oh foolish, sweet summer child,,, I had not put it in anywhere that I was anti-endo, which makes it so much worse to me. I guess this was probably someone testing the waters or something. So we go look it up, look up endos and we get reintroduced to the culturally appropriated term. And it's like fuck. It was a moment where I realized I had gone against my own morals in a way I was extremely disgusted with. I ended up dipping for a whole month because of it, which caused a system uproar and a shit ton a bad stuff happening while we were also going through new tons of new trauma at that time [thanks to our ex-bestfriend, a silent fuck you to nem. already so stressed, tell that to her, and then it flies over nirs fucking head so she beats a dead horse but ANYWAYS].

While I'm gone, an alter takes my place. I'll call him P. and P? Well,,,, P takes my spot as host [im now one of 4 cohosts, P is not one of them]. P sees tulpa, P sees other spiritual stuff in the endo spaces, and P goes, well, gee,,,, spirits and talking to them exists [a belief we do hold, but i would have to explain eons of shit to explain why we do], I can almost see how it would work. P responds with 'we're not anti-endo' [my second sin].

And then I'm back. It's been a month, things have carried on without me and we are an 'endo neutral' blog with more than two followers, and posts that hit more than 10 notes [which,,, I hate public attention. The thought of more than a few people engaging with the stuff I post is terrifying to the point I might puke if I think too hard about it /gen. 3-10 notes is the ideal. Maybe like 5 followers? i didn't think about that, dont want to].

I relearn about endos, I go 'fuck no??? are you fucking kidding me???' but then I remember A. That? Well, That ruined EVERYTHING for me. Suddenly I'm having to figure out how to manage having people perceiving me in a scale that terrifies me, but I also have a fucking turkeyball mix of followers. Endos, Anti endos, Endo Neutral, Endo Apathetic. All while truly standing as an anti-endo behind those good ol' closed doors. Then I have to look down the barrel of the gun and accept i did something that goes wildly against my own fucking morals. I didn't remember A, I didn't remember Tulpas, and now I wished I had never joined any system space. I wish I had never tried to find community. I don't even know how to right what has been wrong, I don't have anyone to tell me how to fix this.

I don't feel like I belong anywhere. There is no space for me with anti-endos because of what I have done, and there is no space for me with endos because of my anti-endo beliefs.

When I made my blog I wanted a space to be me, to be us, but now I don't even want to be me. A's presence was needed to keep me alive, I love him, but I can't even be cocon with him or I end up having a breakdown. Whether it be from the guilt of the shitty thing I did that I can't make up for because he's literally forever going to be there, or the fact that because I can't be around him, and considering I'm a host, he's secluded to his own section in the innerworld. Alone. Literally like how we were when we made him. It's wicked fucked up to me, but i guess it probably shouldn't be, considering his 'origins'. What once saved my life has become something I can't even face.

I feel like shit. I feel like this is a lose-lose situation. The one time I tried to step out of my comfort zone and do something that I think will be beneficial for us, it ends up being the worst thing to do. All I wanted was friends like me, only to find out, no... I'm not like them and I probably don't even deserve the diagnosis I have. On top of that, I engaged in harmful behavior, cultural appropriation. Furthermore, the people I could've engaged with would've been people I entirely disagreed with.

I feel like i should self undiagnose, if that makes sense. Like I do not care whatever professionals said I am, I'm just,, IDK a shitty person?? A cultural appropriator?? I've been diagnosed more than once, but I feel like I still shouldn't even claim being a system. I feel disgusted with myself. I feel ashamed. Cultural appropriation has a permanent scratch in my brain, a permanent mark. I feel like this is something I can never fix.

I'm confused on what to do. How do I fix the wrong of being a cultural appropriator in such a vile way? Even if I actually am a system, which I don't even know anymore, what the fuck would I call A? What do I even do about getting over the guilt? My therapist isn't equipped to deal with this, I have no friends, and the only people I talk to are my abusers. I'm to scared to talk to people online, and considering my circumstances, who would I even talk to about any of this? Am I even an anti-endo if I practiced what the endos preach? I'm just,,, ugh, It's been a lot, but thank fuck for the anon ask on a blog amirite?

Sorry to dump all this on you, and feel free to ignore it/not upload. I've just needed to talk about this for a while, and this felt like a safe space for a lil bit.

this is complicated but i'm going to try give the best advice i can here. cultural appropriation is bad yes, but you were a child. you didn't know what else to call A at the time, it seems. you admit you have done wrong and you seem guilty over it and really i think thats all you need to improve. you are a system, you are diagnosed as one, yes you made a mistake but so have many others. ex-pro endos are welcome in this community and always will be. as long as you have learned from your mistake i do not think you are a bad person. as i said, people make mistakes all the time, it doesn't mean they're bad, they just need to learn better, and by the sounds of things you have. i really hope you find your place in this community or even a different community. if you need help leaving pro-endo and pro-tupla communities i would recommend slowly distancing yourself, unfollowing or blocking some accounts that may interact with you and maybe even announcing you're anti endo if you feel safe (this isn't required, but it does help avoiding them). if necessary i would also suggest maybe making a new blog / account if you feel like you can't fix the current one (even a side-blog might work). good luck anon and i while i don't speak for the whole anti endo community i am sure you will at the least be accepted by most of us.

#tw cultural appropriation #tw gun mention #tw abuse mention #anti endo #actually did #did #did system #plural #endos dni #alters #system #did osdd

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sleepy-shutin · 2 years

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i feel like the tik tokification of CDDs has been so fucking bad and no one really wants to talk about it out of fear of fakeclaiming or whatever but like, i’ve seen a lot of people talk about how they literally can’t get into therapy for system related shit because their therapists doubt them because of how it’s such a trend right now. and because of it, all the “quirky” aspects of systems like switching on camera and full cosplaying your alters and doing little tik tok intros for all of them are so popularized but the actual disorder aspects are doubted or ignored or deemed “problematic”, like having genuine persecutors and not just edgy aesthetic alters who do black and white thirst traps on tik tok to sad boy rap or emo rock. and another thing i’ve noticed from this is people doubting RAMCOA as a whole, or telling survivors that they can’t talk about their trauma or vent because it’s too extreme or “unbelievable” (not a survivor myself but i’ve been reading about RAMCOA systems’ experiences with this). even besides that, system servers in general being inaccessible for a lot of survivors and systems who don’t want to use plural kit or have a system name or whatever. it’s just so! annoying! that i’m so scared to tell people about my disorder or talk about it publicly or even show symptoms of it, because i feel like people are inherently going to doubt me because of how it’s honest to god a trend. and i remember in early 2010s tumblr, it was a trend during that time too, but at least it was relatively contained to tumblr but tik tok is so far reaching. idk maybe i’m an asshole but i just wish people would take it seriously.

i don't think you're an asshole for this. i feel very similarly. i hate when people say "[disorder] isn't a trend!!" when it literally has actually become a trend among people on social media.

people say "DID isn't a trend", but what was that one tag that was trending for a few days straight on twitter? #systemsfordream?

if DID isn't a trend, then how is what's going on online it affecting real world people and their life experiences?

if DID isn't a trend, explain what the hell is going on on tiktok in general.

if DID isn't a trend, explain why all of these people are self diagnosing and armchair diagnosing their friends with DID based on extremely minimal reading and continuing to give genuine self-diagnosers an awful name, and doing anything they can to relate their symptoms to DID.

doubting RAMCOA-related experiences is not new, but yeah--systems that experienced RAMCOA have been shoved out of spaces for having trauma that's "too extreme" to vent about. i hate that shit so much, because people will see people with RAMCOA-related trauma venting about their experiences, and suddenly think these people are playing the trauma olympics when it's literally just their fucking life.

like, sorry some people are trafficking survivors while you survived medical neglect. them talking about their experiences and you feeling uncomfortable with that because it makes you feel like your trauma isn't as bad is not a them problem, it's a you problem, and you need to work through those feelings on your own time. believe it or not, from what i've seen, many survivors of RAMCOA-related abuse struggle with feeling like their trauma was 'enough' as well.

and yeah--tiktok has just. done so much damage to disorders like that. it's not just DID, but also ADHD and autism, both of which they've boiled down to "hyperfixation and special interest disorder", ESPECIALLY when they stomp on and speak over *permanently* non-speaking autistics, or autistics with higher support needs because of their autism, or autistics with cognitive impairments or comorbid learning/intellectual disabilities.

so many syscord servers just fucking suck, because they force you to use pluralkit or have a system name, force littles into one specific chat, etc, but like... bestie how are you going to know a lot of these things if i don't tell you that i've switched, lmao. the normalization of just instantly telling everyone you've switched or when something happens, or over-publicizing your system has and continues to do so much damage to people with DID that have trauma around sharing too much personal information about themselves online, or have had their profiles found by abusers, or similar traumas.

we use aliases online for just about everything *for those exact reasons*.

don't even get me started on the persecutors thing. i've heard more than a few stories about black people with persecutor alters that internally appear white and are racist, but that's "problematic" so people don't like it. i've heard more than a few stories about people with alters that internally reenact abuse in some form, such as an introject of an abusive father that hurts the littles/child parts, but that's "problematic" so people don't like it. i've heard more than a few stories about persecutor alters that try to commit suicide when they front, but that's "problematic" so people don't like it.

the worst part is that these alters aren't given any kind of nuance because they're not treating or understanding them as parts of a whole dissociated consciousness, but rather entirely separate people who are, on their own, wholly responsible for their own actions. people won't look into why a person would have a racist alter, or an alter that reenacts abuse internally, or alters that try to commit suicide, they don't give these alters the benefit of the doubt or think that they might be hurting as well, they just shit on these alters with no reprieve, even when the system is trying to tell them not to do that.

and like, i understand being avoidant towards persecutors and being mean to them because they're reminders of trauma and they're not pretty about it, because they can be scary to see and deal with. but in the end they're just as traumatized as you are, and are dealing with it in unhealthy and destructive ways, and they deserve help, not to be shunned or further abused. even ignoring the fact that that kind of behavior will only make theirs worse, that's really no way to treat a part of yourself who is traumatized and struggling.

i'm just so tired of tiktok and the tiktokification of my disorders, and i'm tired of people acting like it's not happening.

#ask #anon #part zero

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solomons-pact-tattoos · 5 months

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Tw vent cuz I feel like garbage rn.

I feel like shit suddenly. I'm hated in the community I knew it. I didn't even do anything bad and I'm hated. This sucks. Wtf. Are people talking about me behind my back?! Spreading rumors that I'm somehow a bad person and dont interactw me?is that why I get ignored so much?? I knew I wasn't wrong about my iffy feelings ...Maybe it's just cuz people are picky about how I don't got fancy fonts or anything. Or fancy avatars. Or maybe it's just how I write that somehow makes people dislike me.

Idk. It feels like crap to know some rpers literally rather not interact w me and I don't even know why.

I appreciate people telling me ig that they rather not interact w me despite me showing interest in interacting.. I guess.. it still feels horrible to be disliked and I don't even know the exact reason. Why cant people ever like me. Despite flaws. Fucking hell. This stings. I try to be the best i can and be nice yet.. I just can never win can I. I'll always be hated. Always. I'm cursed or something . No matter where I go I'll be hated. No matter the community. No matter where. No matter if I delete my blog and start fresh. No matter what. Hell. I'm lucky I have at least 1 person I can always trust to interact w me. I'm starting to think I should quit tumblr and move elsewhere. I should give up. I should stop trying . Stop hurting myself. Stop getting hopes up for nothing. Maybe if I move to discord I can make my own server with just the few people who actually like me. Who would never hate me. Who likes how I rp no matter what. Yah. Tumblr is sucky.

-mun jax

#jax speaks #tw vent

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thecoolerliauditore · 8 months

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HEY ANON! Idk what it is but im feeling super duper extra forgiving and kind today so I've decided to actually type up a response to that ask but im answering it like this cus i don't wanna subject my followers to having to scroll thru what u wrote 👍

stuff below the cut (heed the warnings in the tags)

this is the context, for those curious

FIRST OFF this is so so so SO not okay to send to anyone but ESPECIALLY not a stranger on the internet. Anon you are so lucky I am as comfortable as I am reading and talking about depression/suicide and (I hope) you didn't send this to someone who it could potentially trigger and that I am as normal as I am and not someone who would respond to this callously.

This is such a jump from "i don't draw good", nobody on this website is your therapist or your parent and nobody owes you the time of day to hear you vent. You really don't deserve a response at all but I am doing this because 1. I am nice and very very bored and 2. I believe I used to kind of be like you so I'm somewhat sympathetic.

That being said re: the 'draw more' comic

Anon not everything is about you or directly addressed to you. The message of that comic isn't to just draw more (if anything, mindlessly grinding art isn't the most productive studying you can do once you reach a certain skill level imo), it's to illustrate your mindset and why it's flawed.

The artist in that comic is frustrated with their own progress and skill only because they cannot see the 100x amount of work their more experienced counterpart put in. That doesn't mean their own effort doesn't matter, it just means they have no sense of scale and don't understand why, when they've done so much, they aren't as skilled as those around them.

It's this mindset that inevitably leads to the assumption that other people are just born more talented or didn't have to work as hard for their skills when they certainly did (this might not have been what you intended to say but using words like "life is unfair" paints a very specific impression). Which is. Frustrating, you could imagine, for those of us who have pushed through that period of growth only to be met with "oh woe is me, not blessed by the art muse like your holiness".

I put that there because your message reminded me of it. The last thing it's meant to be is a direct message towards You to Draw More.

re: learning art

My guy nobody is happy with their art straight away. I wasn't happy with my art for like. 6 years.

Learning art is as much of a mental battle as it is a physical one. The improvement over time chart is something I've tried to keep in mind for years when it comes to those "dip" periods in which it suddenly feels like you suck.

I've seen quite a few people touch on it in recent years but the first time I saw it was in this Sycra video.

youtube

Just like a bad mental health day due to seasonal depression I found it much easier to bear once I could sense a 'dip' period incoming and braced myself for it. I even.. kind of learned to enjoy it and accept it as part of my growth process because it was a sign I was going to improve enormously in the coming month or so. but that might just be me lol.

Eitherway, hope this helps 👍speaking of that though

re: depression/suicide/mental health

Let's be honest with ourselves here there is something much deeper going on with you in your life if Drawing Pictures gets you feeling suicidal.

Art isn't this all or nothing thing, you're allowed to take breaks for years and then come back fresh, you're allowed to start drawing at age 98. There's no expiry date on it. It's not professional gymnastics.

What I'm trying to illustrate here is that art is clearly a symptom of a bigger problem in your life that has you taking this attitude with yourself and the way you talk is doing anything but helping your case. You know what's especially unhelpful tho is venting to faceless block man artists on tumblr about this who don't know your personal circumstances or like.. who you are at all. seriously.

This is a problem you're going to have to fix yourself. "seek therapy" is the stock standard answer that we would all love to accept but that isn't realistic for alot of obvious reasons. I can't say what would work for you but personally I'd advise looking to online free mental health resources (forums like reddit are a last resort but if you can find the right space for that then what works works).

If you want an artsy spin on it I'd recommend literally any number of artists' youtube videos on their artistic journeys and their own struggles with impostor syndrome, insecurities, depression, etc. Off the top of my head I recall Jazza has made a few over the years and i adore these marco bucci videos in particular.

The bottom line is that you're going to have to help yourself, Anon. You can't expect others to make themselves smaller to make you more comfortable, you have to create that space for yourself.

We can all uplift each other but no one's going to respond kindly if you come out of the gate downplaying everyone else's efforts.

#asks #cw suicide #cw suicidal ideation #suicide #depression #cw depression #cw vent #<-- tagging the living shit out of this cus that was so not okay to send to a stranger #art thoughts #discourse #Youtube

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dwn024 · 1 year

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i love uuu im so sorry you had to deal with that guy

thank you anon have i made it explicitly clear that i straight up was only regularly talking to him for maybe about six months before he asked me out and All of our interaction at that point had been within the context of RP or talking about OCs like i barely knew this dude personally and vice versa before he asked me out, then a week later i was like "actually i don't think i'm ready for this and would like it if it stopped" but in response he went "noooo let's try to make it work:(" and then got mad at me when it didn't

he also repeatedly assured me he would be patient and understanding about the AvPD thing but then that was his primary reason for ending it and actually might've been basically the Only reason now that i think about it?? idk i don't have the Fucking Essay he wrote memorized and i don't want to look at the discord DMs in case he sent more shit after i blocked him. also seriously he literally sent a whole goddamn multiple paragraph essay that did not have even the Slightest indication he would accept blame for anything He did wrong too like it was 100% "you suck as a person you are completely the only one at fault for everything going wrong you're childish i can't believe you wouldn't get over a personality disorder for my sake and was too busy with animation crunch to look at DMs for a second"

sorry i don't mean to vent about it so much but i literally have been keeping my mouth shut about how miserable i was with him The Entire Time cuz i was paranoid about him stalking my tumblr and Hey Guess What Happened. also i was mutuals with one of his friends who almost definitely is the one that was like reporting back to him about shit i was posting on my close friends instagram story or posting At All on tumblr so i have had so much goddamn shit bottled up i'm sorry for unleashing it all suddenly right now in multiple paragraph form and taking up the whole dash if the readmore doesn't work i'm putting a readmore beyond this point but tumblr has been breaking readmores lately so i hope it actually works and i deeply deeply apologize in advance if it doesn't

like the INSTANT not exaggerating INSTANT i agreed to go out with him (which by the way i only agreed to because at the time for the first couple days i genuinely did think it was mutual attraction but in hindsight it was Definitely just being happy to have a friend i interacted with semi regularly that's literally it he was just the Only Person i spoke to with that much frequency and 100% of it was talking about OCs or RP) INSTANTLY he suddenly increased the interaction frequency by like 400% and constantly nonstop DMed me every single second he was awake and ALL of it was extremely intimate lovey dovey shit like to an overwhelming degree i was NOT prepared for the friendship to suddenly turn into "actually now i want all your attention all of the time and i am going to message you the instant you pop online or start posting and it's all going to be Way more personal intimate shit than you're used to with me" like i probably overreacted but that shit scared me off BAD that's why i wanted to break it off after a week i had to stop using social media and pretend i was just Not Active for a few days just to get a break from him constantly messaging me and even then he'd still be like "hey i notice you're not online yet today but i'm gonna message you anyway^_^"

like granted he eventually Realized he was probably overwhelming me and agreed to back off a bit but that was in exchange for Not Ending The Relationship Immediately, like i TRIED to break up with him at that point because i got soooo scared but he didn't want to, he Agreed to stop demanding 100% of my attention all the time and said he understood why AvPD might make that more difficult and that's STILL the reason he wanted to end it!!!! because i was too busy with animation crunch to keep paying attention to him!!!! we literally talked about it and he said he was fine with it!!!! if something changed there and he Stopped being fine with not getting 100% of my attention all the time he should have told me instead of getting mad at me for ignoring him when i was fucking working!!!!

and he would always start really REALLY sexual conversations with me in semi-public discord servers that i Was Not Comfortable With granted i totally should have maybe asked him to stop but i didn't want to be the weird one for being uncomfortable with NSFW conversations happening in a designated NSFW channel it was just like. daily, and other people could see the messages DMs exist for a reason i really wish i had the spine to have asked him to not do that it kinda makes my skin crawl in retrospect

there's also the whole "constantly treating my self insert OC like shit in RP specifically as punishment for the OC showcasing AvPD traits that i have explicitly and repeatedly stated are me projecting my own AvPD traits onto the OC" thing. like the worst i've done to that character is made him get forced to eat a lizard and there's a running joke of him getting mugged all the time but my ex literally and unambiguously had his own OC beat the shit out of mine for apologizing too much and being a spineless pushover that got freaked out making decisions for other people and never wanted to state any of his own opinions in case they were the wrong ones, that is all shit i have stated repeatedly i was projecting onto him and my ex's OC berated and again Literally Beat The Shit Out Of Him for. and this wasn't just One of my ex's characters every time my OC had an AvPD moment no matter which of my ex's characters he was interacting with they would Always shit on him for it that does not feel good

i know there's other shit i've been bottling up i just can't remember it at the moment my memory totally sucks in general. uh he asked for my address after like two months of regular conversation and then again when i moved to my current apartment that feels weird i think that's too quickly to ask for an internet acquaintance's address

#again sorry if the readmore doesn't work i'll try to edit after posting to fix it if that's the case

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timeskip · 11 months

Note

6 10 16 17 20 23 👀

6.) speaking of tv adaptations, why would yours get cancelled? (other than capitalism)

GOD. Because my characters are too cool and and gay people who understand my vision are too few in number

10.) if your story is titled, why did you choose that title?

It's not titled 😔 I've thought of the name "Eye of the Storm" but that's suuuuuper generic. And it's just called that bc Storm is a central figure, and that was what I named the file for Tempest's character design art piece. Not really that meaningful. I need a title...

(16 I'm putting under the cut at the bottom of the post bc it got a bit long)

17.) describe the "required reading" to understand your vision. be as pretentious as possible.

GESTURES VAGUELY. I HAVEN'T READ ANYTHING RELATED TO THIS. Ummmm read greek god myths it'll help you understand the god structures a little better. Maybe. I haven't read greek god myths. I based it on the general idea of multiple gods without doing any research I'm sorry ancient greeks...

20.) your ocverse just got a movie trilogy a la hunger games style. how have they horribly mangled your message/theme so that the movies are now a showcase of what the original was condemning?

The movie zooms in on the Realm of the Gods. All the gods are happy here somehow. Mother Nature is Good Actually. They cut out all her manipulative bullshit. Ry leaving was their own choice and it was cool actually because they chose it, they definitely weren't running away from their problems! All the nuance is lost. Storm gives a lame cringey Riverdale-writing-worthy speech about how weird and misjudged they are. idk, I'm just coming up with a horrible vision JFSLGFLKJFD

I did 23 here!

16.) imagine the entire story takes place but in the meantime the characters all also have tumblr. what kind of (terrible) tumblr posts would happen?

I actually have thought about what they'd post on tumblr a long time ago, but never what it would be like DURING the plot...

Pre-canon, Araceli and Storm have a MASSIVE FUCKING PUBLIC FRIENDSHIP BREAKUP but also Araceli mostly just posts aesthetic pictures and the occasional thing about her friends so it's weird that she's posting like this??? And Storm's blog suddenly goes completely quiet soon after. Someone asks Araceli what happened to them. She tells everyone that they died, and to not talk to her about them again.

Tempest and Ry get blogs. Tempest's isn't used much at first, but they eventually do start caring. The two of them don't follow each other, and generally stick to other sides of things. Both of them try to be funny and cool online and not let on that they're gods.

Then Storm comes back from the dead and posts a fucking "I lived bitch" on their tumblr 😭 and everyone is like "WHAT THE FUCK???" and Araceli reluctantly confirms that... well, they never died. (she's lying) And that's all she'll say on that. BUT NOW PEOPLE THINK SHE LIED ABOUT THEM DYING??? And she and the others are kind of tangled together and some of them are mutuals and others aren't. People think they're soooo weird.

Meanwhile Topaz is posting like normal until her villain arc begins when she goes "having a bad time in my life rn I need a break :(" after actively venting about how much she hates humanity (not individual humans, but what they represent) so she uh. takes the break. and goes insane.

Caelestis wouldn't post at all until he's started healing (around the time Tempest starts caring about tumblr) so he and Tempest are kind of off the side of the drama chilling. Except Tempest posts sporadically and never about personal things, while Caelestis's blog is mostly personal posts with the occasional thing he's watching/doing.

Ry eventually goes dark because he got amnesia 👍 his followers worry about him but then post-canon he comes back and goes "no dw everyone I'm alive I just killed my mother but it's all cool now" and may or may not explain ever.

#oc tag

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lino-know · 9 months

Note

heyyy seong

idek if you use tumblr anymore. personally i only used it in like 2020-2021 during my early kpop phases but maybe people still do

anyways i’ll start off by saying that i hope you’re doing good! (can’t believe it’s already 2023) i also hope you’re feeling better mentally, physically, spiritually, and in any other way possible. these past few years have really been tough. idk what it is but after covid everything’s just sped up. life is just going by so fast and let’s be honest, it’s incredibly overwhelming. that’s why i think it’s so important to take time for ourselves and really understand what’s going on in our minds.

i have no idea why i wrote this as if you know who i am and as if we’ve been friends for years. i just happen to come back onto tumblr today and remembered about your story misfits (which i absolutely adore btw it’s the literal embodiment of gold) and wanted to vomit my thoughts out to a stranger

in any case maybe you’ll see this maybe you won’t but thanks for having this page as an outlet for strangers to vent <3

— a random person who had a lot of her mind (and is also kinda wondering about an update regarding misfits now that she thinks about it)

heyyy!! I'm really sorry I haven't replied to this - I feel like I should've earlier lmao but I've been kind of gatekeeping this ask in my inbox because it made me feel warm and fuzzy all over :)

I hope you're doing well in all the ways possible too - covid really has turned the world upside down twice over and it hasn't been easy for any of us, I'm sure. a lot has happened in the time that passed and honestly I don't think I would've turned out the way that I am if it hasn't happened - but I don't regret it, tbh.

don't stress about suddenly popping into my inbox without warning - I've said multiple times that it's open for anything you want to send in and honestly your ask has made my day multiple times over when I log back onto tumblr to read it, whenever my mental health is hitting rock bottom again :)) I'm glad you decided to take time out of your day to send it in hehe. feel free to chat me up over dms, honestly, because I feel like having an extra friend makes our lives better - but I do want to say I'm using tumblr less and less nowadays

an update about my life? maybe? idk if anyone's interested but essentially I started this blog when I was 18 and now I'm nearly done with university. it's kind of insane thinking about how fast the years have gone by - it almost feels like yesterday when I started this blog in quarantine out of boredom, and now it's two years down the line haha

as for misfits, first of all, thank you for thinking about it and I'm really happy that you still remember the story :) I wrote it when I was chilling around and posted it after a tumblr mutual I made after I created this blog told me to - she's no longer on tumblr or skzblr(?) for personal reasons but I look back on that fondly

about updates, I do intend to continue the story just because so many people enjoyed it, even though I'd admit I don't think it's my best work. I still have my old notebook full of notes and ideas for future skz-centric works, but I guess the reason why I stopped was because I don't really pay attention to skz that much anymore. I admire them as a fledgling artist myself, but I haven't been keeping tabs on them now that I'm starting to explore my own artistic ventures (!!). that said, I still have the plot of misfits in my head, but I guess that having started and continued the story with numerous historical footnotes, I feel like I have to continue doing that and keeping everything as historically accurate as possible haha

but yeah, that's pretty much about it, if I'm posting works here, consider it as writing practice rather than excited squeals about skz. again, I really admire them as people, but it's also because of that that I feel kind of weird writing fanfiction about them. I'm not opposed to the idea of it or other people doing it, I personally just feel more comfortable writing filth about 2D characters (and I do have a sideblog for anime-centric works if you're interested!) I don't think I'll shut this blog down ever because I am proud of what I've created here - and I'm really happy that you view it safe enough to send in a ramble. my inbox is always open if you want to talk more :)) hope you're doing well!

#asks #skz #seong speaks

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babysizedfics · 3 years

Text

#i am judt like wondering why for some reason november has been so so so starved of interaction?#like this isnt me complaining this is me trying to apply logic and like my first guess was The Election and like everyone worked so hard #to get to that point and once that victory was secured suddenly everyones burnout hit them?? but thats a longshot #second i thought no content november drove people off tumblr ? but honedtly in no content november i wouldve thought there would be more -#- interaction on blogs who do post? but im thinking maybe people like arent online as much bc theres less to see??#but then idk if that makes sense and honestly? ive been v low mood this month but apparently november is a v common month for peoples mood-#- to drop on account of like the approaching holidays and the reduced daylight hours so it could be that a lot of followers are low mood #which is v sad and i hope everyone is okay #but then i think okay i havent written a proper fic in ages but even then i did ficlets and do concepts a lot and i still get LIKES on posts #a tad less likes than usual but not ridiculously so #but im just getting zero replies and so many less asks thats where my overthinking is coming from #again this is like not me complaining to you who is reading this soecifically #yes i do miss interaction but i know people will have their reasons for not being able to interact as much #i just genuiney wonder what those reasons are #i will tag this as #vent tw #just in case tho #ALSO if you have read this far and are also a creator: have you noticed a similar pattern of reduced inter acc tion this month??#also if youve read this far i just luv u 💕#bee babbles

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maningrey0204 · 2 years

Text

hiatus.

hey, PurpleProse/Grey (on Discord) here. if you're reading this, it's because I've linked this post and you're wondering what's going on, along with why I'd suddenly go and cut off access to my own social media. well, I'm more than happy to explain. I'm going to be giving a lengthy explanation + vent the cut. if you just want the summary, it'll be before that. TL;DR: I have Issues, and was spending too much time on social media to procrastinate + cope with said issues. this has led me to fail a lot in Important Life Things, making my family members stressed out over me. it has culminated-yesterday-in me putting off completing something important. my mom found out about the procrastination and got very mad at me over it, along with my usage of social media in general. she now wants to kick me out of the house in a month. my dad's more lenient, but wants me to cut off all my social media in general, which is what I want too. partly in the hopes that I'm not kicked out but also because I know that it would be beneficial for me to get my Internet usage under control. idk when I'll be back. I'll still be posting fanfiction over on AO3 (my username there's the same as my Tumblr and Twitter), and if we're close mutuals, you can always PM me to hash out an alternative means of communication that isn't social media. in the meantime, I hope you all have a happy & fulfilling 2022. I don't think it'll be too different from 2021, but the world needs more kindness & more people who are willing to fight for that-in terms of their own wellbeing and others'. so if you can, please be more kind. also CW/TW for discussion of mental health issues in general, yelling and emotional distress. this is going to be heavy.

I've had mental health issues ever since I was a kid. I'd much rather not go into a diatribe about them, so I'll just list off some (key word being some-I'm not comfortable talking about all of them) symptoms that I know are affecting me now: lack of focus + motivation, memory recall problems, and excessive anxiety/worrying (especially in particularly stressful situations). haven't gotten professional treatment, but I'll look into that when I know I can afford it. for a long time, I've been using social media & the Internet in general to cope with said problems, especially through procrastinating. this in turn has made me avoid tackling things like driving on my own and being studious in university classes. my grades were terrible before the pandemic and continued to stay that way when it started. that's why I'm taking a hiatus until Fall 2022, actually-my GPA wasn't enough for me to stay in enrollment, and I can't go back to classes until then. my parents are Not Happy about this. especially my mom. they both mean well and have given a lot to help my sibling and I. her way of conveying that isn't great, though? sometimes I'll hear about how keeping us both adds to the finances, for instance, and...there's no doubt that it's true, but it also makes me feel weird. I'm not sure if I'm being overly sensitive when it comes to that. and ofc there's the yelling she did that I'll get to. anyways, yesterday (the 29th) I joined a livestreamer's PowerPoint night (think your usual presentations but of a topic of your choice, so they're infinitely more fun), and I believe it was after my presentation that I had to do Something Important that was basically an obligation for irl-related stuff. to be clear: I don't blame the livestreamer at all for what happened. it was my choice to make slides & present them. the only regrets I have are a) I didn't do the bulk of my work until the last minute, thus spending too many hours yesterday on it, b) my presentation was too long and had to be sped up for time, c) I stuck around for the rest of the stream afterwards, not touching that important task at all... ...and d) that I ended up feeling tired afterwards because of a) and c). my Something Important task had something I figured I'd ask my mom about, despite it by then being late in the evening, she offered to help me on it, even eating some food (to help keep her awake while helping me, I think). I asked if that could be postponed to tomorrow because I was so tired. she ended up getting mad because I'd dedicated too much time on that extraneous activity instead of tackling that Something Important task. completely understandable, especially given my past experience with not doing things. but then at some point she started raising her voice and yelling at me. I think this was when I was struggling to respond to one of her questions, but I'm not sure. whenever I'm put in a situation like that, I tend to block out the semantics of her...rambling? angry tirade? it went on for some time, too, late into the night. granted, I did stay up afterwards anyway, partly because I was trying to process what she'd did, but still. she also told me to come up with a plan before today, but I don't remember what it was for, and it didn't matter, because then she called my dad. they both mainly hashed out what had already been said by my mom last night, but more calmly this time. my mom had told me last night that she wanted me to get out of the house in a month. today, I found out that my dad either wanted me to stop using social media or go along with my mom's plan. idk what's going to happen-it'll be hashed out tomorrow, hence why I'm typing this. I figured there's a bit of leeway for me to explain things and make a goodbye message, so I might as well take this chance. I'm hoping I won't be kicked out of the house in a month, because I don't have a lot of income. things would be tougher for my physical and mental well-being if that happened, even with a month to prepare. my mom thinks that it'll help me see the real world but ik all it'll make me to

is have me more susceptible to less than ideal situations. I don't want to fall into poverty and/or be inclined to be more self-destructive. still, in the event that it happens I have to leave the house, I'll still keep fighting to maintain a sense of well being, even if it's hard to come by. I've been struggling a lot for a while, at times even giving up on myself, but I'm still here anyway. and I think that counts for a lot. and regardless, I need to atone for what I've done, at least. my mom's reactions don't wholly feel acceptable to me, but that's no excuse for me to put off my responsibilities-to not give myself the life I need. I've messed up a lot during my struggles, which has to stop-and that can only be done by me taking accountability. my family & myself deserve that peace of mind, at least. plus, it'll be nice to figure out more about myself, work on writing fics & my other hobbies, that sort of thing. if you have read through this, thank you. again, I don't know when I'll be back, but I'll be posting on AO3 for as much as I can with fresh fic content. I'd also like to thank the friends I've met over the past few years on the Internet, specifically on Twitter, Tumblr & Discord. I've always loved talking with you all, sharing my interests with you + vice versa, and overall being able to be myself in a safe space. it means a lot more than you know.

#prose's ponderings #yelling tw #emotional distress tw #vent #long post

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jinfluffychan · 4 years

Text

The impostors (Kihyun x You) One-shot

Summary: Kihyun and you are in a spaceship with the others members... But, maybe, the things are starting to get a little bit out of control when murders and sabotages start happening...

Pairing: Kihyun x Reader

Genre: fluff, among us au, funny, meme, it’s among us lol

Word count: 1.254

Note: Yes, this is the Among Us imagine I talked you about😌

Please leave feedback! You will help me a lot and I will appreciate it very much! Thank you!

Consider supporting me with my studies in Ko-Fi (open commissions and donations) or in Paypal ♡(◕ᗜ◕✿) (link in the description cause if I put it here tumblr gets crazy idk why)

I was running as fast as I could while I heard someone's steps following mine.

I entered a room and sat in a corner to catch my breath, my breath was agitated not only for the run, but also from what I had just done.

The steps that followed mines stopped and the person appeared in the door threshold.

The tall and handsome figure approached me, kneeling to see me better.

–Did anyone see you? –he asked softly–

–I don't think so... They would have already reported if that was the case –I saw him and smiled– –That's my girl –he unit his forehead with mine– –We need to keep moving, let's get rid of all of them –a special sparkle appeared in his eyes, he smiled and kissed me–

I put my hands in his arms enjoying the moment.

–Lovebirds! –a voice behind him said– Stop that! We need to keep doing missions! –the voice entered the room while Kihyun separated softly– –All right, all right –Kihyun said releasing me with a smile– I just wanted to have a moment with my girl –Well... Cut it off! There's a traitor between us! Go back to work! –Hyungwon said mad, he saw me on the floor and raised an eyebrow– Move, I want to do my mission. –I'm going to continue doing mines –I said getting up and getting out of the room–

As I left I heard a neck getting cracked and then the sound of a vent opening and closing, I smiled and ran.

A few moments later an alarm sounded, indicating that we needed to go to the meeting room to discuss something.

"I hope they haven't seen anything..." I thought while walking to the room.

When I arrived everyone was there, except Changkyun and Hyungwon.

–Where are Changkyun and Hyungwon? –I asked innocently– –They're dead. –Minhyuk said mad– Hyungwon was in the communications room. I don't know where Changkyun is. –Okay, where was everyone? –Kihyun asked calmly– –I was in the navigation room –I said calmly– –I was in the oxygen room, and I saw her working on something... –Shownu said– But it took you more time that it usually is –he saw me with a serious expression– –I don't know what you're talking about, I was just trying to repair it. –I said calmly– –I was in the security room –Kihyun said drawing the attention to him– I was watching the cameras and I didn't find anything suspicious...

We stayed in silence for a moment.

–Wonho's too quiet. –I said looking at him– Something you want to add? –I was on the medbay... I scanned myself –he nodded– –Somebody saw it? –Jooheon asked and Wonho stayed in silence for a moment– –Changkyun... –he whispered– –The dead body that nobody knows where he is. –Kihyun added– –But I swear he saw me and left! He went to the reactor zone! –Wonho said anxious– –Do you have proof? You saw someone else there? –Shownu asked getting close to him– –No! I just saw how he went there! –Wonho get up anxiously and hugged the little hamster that was following him since the beginning– –Everything is too weird. –Minhyuk said– But if we kick him out and he isn't the one doing these things, we're just going to make everything easier to the traitors. –Tsk. –Kihyun clicked his tongue– Let's keep an eye on him and that's it.

The meeting was over and I let escape a sigh of relief when no one was around.

"At least nobody suspects us" I thought, walking to the electrical zone.

I entered the room and gave a look to see if someone was in there, it was empty, so I got close to one of the cabinets, I opened and started turning off some of the switches so everything will become dark.

I got out of there fast and saw from a corner how Minhyuk and Wonho entered the room to repair the electricity.

I stayed in there waiting for one of them to go so I could k*ll the one that remains in there.

I was focused in the entrance when suddenly I felt someone's hands in my stomach, I turned around afraid when I saw Kihyun.

–You scared me... –I whispered– –Someone is near here that you're hiding in here? –he said raising and eyebrow now caressing my back– –Wonho and Minhyuk are in the electricity room –I said and the lights turned on again–

In that moment I saw part of the face of Kihyun that had blood in it, I heard Minhyuk and Wonho getting out of the room, I made Kihyun come closer and united our lips.

Kihyun followed me and smiled when he felt me cleaning the blood off his face, but for the people that passed by would think I'm just caressing my boyfriend's cheek.

We heard Wonho and Minhyuk pass by and smiled.

–Good job, now we have an alibi –he said smiling– Best team work –we high five and took different ways–

In the hallway, I found Jooheon going up and I decided to follow him, "If I k*ll him it will end..." I smiled and started chasing him.

Before I could attack him the alarm sounded.

–Y/N WAS FOLLOWING ME IN A VERY WEIRD WAY! –Jooheon said scared– SHE IS THE TRAITOR! –WHAT?? I WAS JUST GOING TO DO MISSIONS! –I screamed mad– –Shownu was dead. –Minhyuk said– And you have blood in your hands. –I looked at my hands and saw a little bit of blood in my fingers– –I... I can explain! –How? –Wonho asked and I looked at them concerned– –Time out. –Minhyuk said– Let's vote.

Everyone voted and when the results came out I saw Kihyun.

–Kick her out of here. –Minhyuk said– –NO! WAIT! KIHYUN! –I screamed while being dragged to the door–

Kihyun looked at me sad and said a little "Bye..." without a sound, I emulated an "I love you" before getting kicked out.

Everything felt cold and dark out here, I was just floating around until I closed my eyes and let myself go.

I opened my eyes again and found myself on the ship again, "What...?" I thought.

I turned around and saw Kihyun standing in the navigation room looking outside.

"Ki..." I hugged him, he walked away and I stayed there.

–Hi Y/N –Changkyun said– –AH! –I jumped and looked at him– What?! –Yes, we're dead, whatever –he rolled his eyes– Can you move? I want to make this mission so we can win. –Mission?... So we can still do things?! –he nodded and I looked around– Ohh...

"Then I have to help Ki!" I ran to the oxygen room and started sabotaging it.

I kept helping Ki while seeing him k*ll and their fights to find who was the real traitor.

After the last discussion Kihyun followed Minhyuk who was walking alone through the ship, Minhyuk started running when he saw him, but it was too late, a moment later everything became dark.

–WAHHH HOW YOU DIDN'T SAW KIHYUN WAS THE TRAITOR –Hyungwon said catching our attention from our phones– –I'm the best actor –he said happy– and have the best partner in crime –Kihyun kissed my hand– –BEING IN A CORNER DOING NOTHING IT'S NOT THE GREATEST PLAN! –Jooheon screamed– –STOP BEING TOGETHER TOO! WE'RE NOT PLAYING WITH COUPLES ANYMORE! –Minhyuk said while Kihyun and me laughed– –Come on! Another round! –I said happy– –I want to be the traitor this time! –Wonho said happy– –Everyone ready? –Kihyun asked– –Yes! –everyone said and a new game started–

#monsta x #mx #monsta x memes #monsta x imagines #monsta x fanfics #kihyun imagines #kihyun fanfics #kihyun #wonho #shownu #hyungwon #minhyuk #jooheon #i.m #changkyun #imagines #fanfics #fun #among us

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revengerevisited · 3 years

Text

i found this vanqua fic the other day, it’s only a couple chapters but i like it so far. :3 it does have a ‘creator chose not to add warnings’ label though, so please be cautious. also baby-xemnas aka kotbysleep (nsfw) aka nekokat42 (also nsfw) is a much better vanqua artist than me so please check him out. X’D (heads-up those twitter threads are way longer than you think so make sure you see eeeverything~).

anyway, more wip art below the cut, plus my endless rambling (i talk about 18+ topics, just a warning)—

i’m still working on venqua week and i’ve got 2 more prompts to go, one i haven’t started yet and one i’m halfway done with—

~aaand yeah i’m re-using it for a vanqua pic too... X’D am i lazy, or just resourceful? you decide. ;P

but yeah, both of these pics will have an 18+ version as well. i admit i’m super anxious about posting it next week, as i’ve seen just how absolutely toxic fandom is on twitter. like, you thought tumblr was bad? i’ve spent the last few days preemptively blocking literally hundreds if not thousands of antis just so i can feel a little safer posting my content without some asshat calling me a pedo or telling me to kill myself over cartoons. XU i somewhat worry that i’ve accidentally blocked some people who were just joking around and weren’t actually harassing anyone, but it’s just so hard to tell sometimes. if i’ve accidentally blocked anybody here, just let me know so i can unblock you. :3 (idk why that sentence came out so sinister sounding but i’m legit being sincere X’D).

but seriously, idk when fandom suddenly got such a stick up its ass (around 2016-17 from my guesstimate) and decided aging-up a fictional character by a year or two is such a crime, but i guess that’s just the state of things. :T i could draw vanitas as a centaur or make him blond or whatever and no one cares, but aging him by one year? suddenly big problem! yeah, right. XP like, i know i said every character in kh is 17+ as of khmom (ignoring any weird timeline retcons of course), but heck i could make an honest case for the wayfinder family all being adults. hear me out—

it’s been 13 years since bbs, right? and for 12 of those years, aqua was in the realm of darkness, terra had some awareness while being possessed by xehanort, ven experienced some of sora’s life when he was in a coma, and vanitas was almost certainly in ven/sora’s heart as well, so all four of them could be said to be 31, 33, and 29 respectively. it’s not like their character models were any different when they were young teens as opposed to older teens, so can we really be sure they’re not all 30~ by now? heck, since ven is from the age of fairytales i could say he’s 1000 years old if i wanted too! (psst, it’s almost as if these are all fictional characters living in a fantasy world with time travel and whatnot and their ages are completely arbitrary numbers nomura made up on the spot, numbers which he has retconned before! :P).

now i don’t actually think they’re that old, but if people are gonna hassle me over a goddamn 2-year age difference, i might as well say fuck it and have fun with it, right? ;P it’s not like antis even know what the canon character ages even actually are, like when they try to say that skuld is underage when (assuming she’s subject x) she’d be around 28~ by now, or axel and saïx’s age. (maybe i’ll draw some saïx x skuld art and watch the antis lose their minds. ;P it wouldn’t even have to be nsfw to rile them up).

anyway, i do admit i’m feeling a little burned out on art recently. XP i’ve been trying to get one art piece out per week plus venqua week, and yeah it’s kinda taken its toll. i know this really isn’t anything anyone wants to hear, but i’ve been kinda thinking of moving away from fandom projects to work on my own original work. now, i’m not saying i’m abandoning a heart and a half nor anything as drastic as that! but i have spent like 2 years of my life on it just to get to the halfway mark, and i’m not sure i can spend 2 more doing only that.

i’ve got an original story idea that i’ve been working on-and-off on for the past 7 years or so, and i’m thinking of going back to it again (it does need a pretty big re-write). its main pairing is actually pretty vanqua-ish, now that i think about it. like, imagine the realm of darkness but instead of the heartless it’s infested with demons, and the main characters are the demon-slaying duo of a serious yet kindhearted half-angel and a feral, snarky half-demon. i even aged them up from 14 to 18 so none of my potential fans have to suffer the same anti bullshit that i have. XP

what else can i ramble about... oh, i got these super cute pins for christmas! :D the heartless is by xkirakira, and vanitas and aqua are by maxxmerch. they’re just so cute! X3 i hope everyone had a merry christmas and a happy holiday! i’ll see you guys later. ^3^

*looks around sheepishly* ó3ò alright... confession time. spoilers for a heart and a half for the rest of this post—

sooo~ i’ve kinda hinted at this before, but yeah i’ve always planned on adding a sex scene to a heart and a half; when i started writing back in 2018 i hadn’t realized how hostile fandom had become compared to only a few years ago, and it worries me that some readers might drop the fic because of it, or be angry with me over the underage aspect. :(

idk, i could go on about how i just wanted to explore every aspect of a romantic relationship, or how other disney/square enix characters married or had kids young (ariel, sarah hawkins, héctor, claudia strife, possibly jasmine), or how attempting to apply real-world rules to a videogame fantasy setting is inherently silly and pointless, but really it’s just ‘cause i love vanitas and aqua to bits and i just wanted to write a cute and funny mild sex scene between them (this fic is rated mature, not explicit, so much less graphic than confection affection), and at the end of the day they are just fictional characters, after all.

i guess all i can hope for is that i’m a skilled enough writer to pull it off in a believable way, and that my audience won’t be too put off by it. >_> i know vanitas and aqua have technically only known each other for about 2 months so it might not be ‘realistic’ for them to go so far into a relationship so soon, but i think it’s important to remember that ultimately this is a romantic fairytale, and other canon disney couples haven’t seen nearly as deeply into each other’s hearts as vanitas and aqua have (and this video also helped me feel better about it).

i also wanted to finish that nsfw venqua fic i started a few months back, it’s set just before the mark of mastery so yes ven would be 16. i suppose it’s a way of testing the waters to see what kind of reception i’d get (hopefully positive) before i get to that part of a heart and a half. i was also thinking of including some of the uh, ‘keyblades as erogenous zones’ aspect from this terraquaven fic as well... w-why are you looking at me like that?! it’s funny! *sweats nervously* o3o’

in all honesty, i’m probably just overthinking all this (which, knowing me, is almost a guarantee >_<) and i should just *ahem* let my heart be my guiding key, and just write what i want to write without worrying about it all the time. i just get so anxious so easily... buuut that’s not really news to anyone, now is it? ;P well, i think that’s the end of my endless ramble, thanks for reading if you got this far. X’D and i really hope i didn’t actually upset anybody about a heart and a half. ;_; i just felt like i needed to vent a little, but don’t worry about me, i’m doing fine. anyway, i really should stop typing and get back to work on venqua week, sooo... bye! X3

#wip #rambles #rant #tagging just in case

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feralseraph · 4 years

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some thoughts while reflecting on suicidal ideation. just heads up this is really really long lol and i don’t expect anyone to read it i’ve just been jouranling a lot and i decided it was normal and reasonable to share these kinds of thoughts with 2k strangers on tumblr.

btw im fine i prommy im just like venting basically. and pls don’t reblog this it’s embarrassing stream of consciousness crazy talk <3

in the moment when you’re spiraling and feeling completely helpless you can only feel sad. after that moment has passed, it feels like “wow that was fucking dramatic”. it’s like being angry at yourself for thinking that somehow you’re too special to suffer along with everyone else.

a lot of people don’t have it easy. so many people struggle their entire lives why should i be any different? do i think im better than other people?

i just want to tell myself to suck it up. it never works though, inevitably there’s another spiral and im stuck feeling like the saddest little weenie on the whole planet.

suicidal thoughts can seem irrational but it never feels that way in the moment. especially when you’ve dealt with it for so long. half of me tells myself im being stupid and it’s such first world problems but the other half of me is like, it’s always been this way there’s no other way to be.

the annoying thing about suicidal thoughts is that there’s always a little spark of hope. there’s always that devil/angel thing going on where you convince yourself life is meaningless and hopeless and there’s no point in staying but then you’re like well what if this happens and that makes it a little more bearable. for years i would just pray that the dumb little hope spark would just die out already but it hasn’t and it probably won’t no matter how much i’ve convinced myself there’s no point in anything.

it’s human nature to want to survive. your body tries to keep you alive whenever you’re hurt. if you’re bleeding or suffocating or otherwise seriously injured your body is fighting to keep you alive even when you don’t want it to. could you imagine if your body didn’t try to stay alive? like if you got anything worse than a paper cut and you just endlessly bled?

not trying to make it religious. you can if you want, but i don’t really have that belief. what creature doesn’t try to keep itself alive? plants will regrow if a deer nibbles them too much. so yeah if you get hurt your body is gonna try to heal that hurt.

suicide. self harm. trauma. are all hard things to talk about and to hear about. well, everyone always wants the gruesome details but hearing about the thought behind it is way less interesting.

because it sounds really simple that well, people who hurt themselves or who talk about dying are experiencing [quote from the DSM] and yeah but that also makes it seem like they’re being irrational

when you’re really thinking that life isn’t worth living it feels completely rational. you’ve thought of every avenue of trying to live and none of it seems worthwhile and you’re also just fucking tired. it doesn’t seem worth the effort.

life can be really long or it can end unexpectedly. imagining a long life and sometimes you can only see how everything will continue going wrong forever. it’s not just being pessimistic sometimes it’s seeing a pattern in your life where things keep falling apart. sometimes it’s seeing the world around you and feeling like you don’t want to be part of the insanity anymore. and no amount of hand drawn comics with fuzzy blue kittens or memes about all the sunrises you’ll miss can make you feel differently. who cares about the sunrise when you hate waking up everyday? who cares about the sunset when you have nightmares all night?

not saying that there’s no way to help people who are suicidal but that maybe the same approach doesn’t work for everyone. there doesn’t always have to be an approach of trying to find a solution to every concern they have. sometimes if you just let people talk it helps just to say it.

because it feels crazy. you feel like an insane person because who the hell wants to die? who’s that dramatic? at least that’s how it can feel. it’s really alienating and isolating to feel like you can never be honest with anyone because they’ll never see you the same way again. suddenly you’re a fragile little egg and they have to “check in” on you to make sure you haven’t finally cracked. i think it’s possible to keep people safe without making them feel like they’re under a microscope.

obviously it’s hard to listen to someone talk about really heavy stuff and i wouldn’t expect people to always be down for that. sometimes it just helps to know that someone out there even knows that you’re struggling. because it feels so shitty to keep it all inside and maybe you don’t want to talk about it all the time.

it’s not about making your friend group your personal crisis counselors. it always goes back to the idea that it’s not really acceptable to openly talk about struggling and that should change.

it’s a tragedy when anyone feels like they can’t take another day in the world. there are so many things that need to change in order to support people who feel that way because it isn’t always just linked to mental health alone. things like poverty or ongoing abuse can exacerbate it.

people really love true crime. they love hearing ghastly details of abuse and murder. but people can’t face the fallout from things like that. the people left behind after the case is closed who are traumatized. people like to satisfy their morbid curiosity but there’s real people on the other end of that.

there’s no satisfying way to end a conversation about suicide. at least for me idk in the back of my head i’ll probably always feel like life is an opt out kind of experience even if i manage to find ways to make existence bearable. there’s never a perfect answer for everything.

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shadow-of-wonder · 3 years

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I wish I could detach myself from social medias and tumblr itself.

whilst this platform in particular aids me in venting out my feelings through reblogs etc, it also reminds me of how much I have missed out on. how I'll never find love, how unlovable I am, how ugly and fat I am, how plain and boring I am, how annoying I am, how unnecessary I am.

I'm not wanted nor needed anywhere in life not am I necessary existence. it wouldn't fucking matter if I suddenly disappeared bc no one would care enough to notice. I'm a dime of dozen, easily replaceable. the world would be better off without me. I'd be better off not in the world.

I love the ppl that I have met on here who I continually hold close to my heart regardless of whether we still interact or not. I'm a bit of a sentimental person when it comes to ppl, a blessing and a curse in my case.

I don't know why I'm wasting my time posting this bc no one is even gonna read it but idk. I just feel like my time is coming. I'm so tired of barely even surviving and "fighting" for the sake of other's feelings.

I wish I just killed myself back when I was sixteen. it would've made my pain so much less prolonged and intense.

here's to not wanting to be alive 😊😊😊

#tw suicide #depression #self loathing #anxiety #unlovable #loneliness #lonely #unloved #yearning #madd #to be deleted #:(((#i just want to die #c's rambles

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charlie-minion · 3 years

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charlie-minion(.)tumblr(.)com/post/635987979304943616/could-the-same-spn-finale-make-a-little-more-sense Hey Love! Thanks for such an amazing post! It was still hard for me personally to deal with it for many reasons, but when you mentioned "yeah well we gotta work around Dean dying so let’s work around Dean dying then, stay with me" i understood why u went where u went with it. I just wanted to ask your opinion/suggest/question few things if u don't mind. 1) I can see Dean's speech (1/9)

“If we don’t keep living, then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothing” make sense, except in psychlogy grieving and remembering people who died is not the same as not letting go. I feel this point could be GREATLY improved if we saw some memorabilia in bunker around Cas (without Dean paying much attention to them or being sad about them (2/9)

[?Miracle running to him for cuddles with mixtape in mouth and Dean freaking out about how it’s the best dog ever cuz he loves Led Zeppelin or sth, idk I’m making it up as I go with examples, dont mind me?]) and would either see that Dean is still grieving while working on letting go (not bc he can’t let go, but because grieving is a process and IT IS HEALTHY to grieve. Too many ppl are shamed for needing time to heal(!!) while it’s actually personal and normal and we know Dean doesn’t (3/9)

just insta forget (from experience), and grieving has more to do with emotionality and less with not being able to let go). OR we could be shown in some way that more time passed and he did already get to heal from grief. That would save Dean from seeming suddenly uncaring and emotionless (especially while knowing Cas is in super hell for eternity, not just ‘dead whatever it means’, and considering Dean WAS in hell and knows it’s not ‘fun and games’) towards anyone who isn’t his brother. (4/9)

I realize episode is Sam centered, but this picks huge focus on Dean by omission. 2) I feel it doesn’t matter so much whether Sam picked phone to call as that he easily decided to give up on calling while he could still stay with Dean, listen to him and continue to make the call. That death took like 7-8 minutes of the episode. The phone should be left in the car for example, it being crushed during fight is lame and cheap, but any excuse would be better than (5/9)

“Ok I guess I’ll stop calling and let u die, don’t tell me I didn’t try”. 3) That whole “I love you so much” really hit me hard when I was watching, while I fully agree with the point you made, I feel like adding “so much” was just too passionate. As you said, he needs to say it to Sam before anyone else. "I love you, my baby brother” – second part already makes it valuable and emotional. It does no business being passionate. He is dying (for a while now) adding words that don’t (6/9)

need to be there makes viewer question “Is he rly going to die? He seems to have no problem flowering his words” and to me at least felt like going from 0 (unability to say ILY) to million which just took me from the situation totally as I was questioning if I’m watching the right show/character. It’s like if Dean went to Sam in episode 1 about finding his dad, we would be informed just how relations between Dean and John looks like, and next episode they would go for burgers (7/9)

and Dean would be like “Yeah I got bored of looking for him” and show would end… 4) Also MoTW not being from journal would make world of difference. That’s a callback that rly puts the story back to years before and Dean dying finishing his father’s job seems like a joke in rly bad taste. That’s all that crossed my mind I think. What do you think about those? Sorry for a long msg. I can try to send it via phone in one piece if you would rather. I’m really interested in your opinion on it. (8/9)

I know you were trying to fix stuff with as small changes as possible in your post, but I felt those also were just small things that would mean world to fans and story. Thank you so much for giving yself to the fandom, you’re my all time favourite writer since I remember <3 (9/9)

Hey! Sorry again, I'm the anon from yday with that long question. I just felt it was worth adding: "“Dean is focusing on the task at hand. His attitude, as Ackles puts it, is, “I’m not going to think about what I’ve lost. In turn, I’m just going to focus on what I can fix.” That leads Dean down what Ackles calls a “hopeless road.”" (it’s interview about s13). Just to point out hopelessness in stopping yself from thinking of who u lost to forcefully direct yself to the future. :D

Hello, Nonnie! Sorry it took me so long to answer. The post you are referring to is this one: Could the same SPN finale make a little more sense with some additions/changes?

I didn’t write that as the kind of finale I would want. I did it to prove the finale could have been the same: pandering to general audience, w*ncest and destiel shippers alike, while still keeping some sort of logic regarding the build up of the story. It didn’t have to be so bad, but it was, and it looks intentionally bad, if I’m being honest. Maybe it was better that way, because it made it easier for us to simply ignore the existence of it.

Regarding all the points you sent in your messages to me, I’m just gonna post them all together because they seem interesting, but I don’t really want to spend more time thinking about a finale that already hurt me enough. The only two posts I’ve written about the finale were for me to cope, to kinda heal and let it go. Now I just pretend it never happened. I’m glad you had some space to vent and I’m posting your messages so others can read the whole thing and maybe let comments if they want to agree or disagree, but that’s all I can do.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me and the fandom as well. Everything that helps us heal is valid. *hugs*

#anon asks #spn finale #finale what finale #15x20 doesn't exist

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