#im trying so hard to enjoy myself but when others are... just mean cause they cant do the same? well i pity them...

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel #the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule #and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office #classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand. #which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a #mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively #i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when #i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an #office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then #when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low #energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its #like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that #i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my #lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to #convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture #of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing. #the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like #they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha #yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc #i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself #from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode #and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at #like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop #so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd #also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry #bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting #hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that #the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun #unrelated

[flyingspicerack]

I WILL KILL THE ANON HATER imagine being so pathetic as to send mean things to a stranger on the internet... that person doesn't matter and neither does their opinion. Me and a bunch of others love your page because it's stuff that makes you happy and your drawings and writings are made with such love and excitement!! I love seeing you enjoy yourself!! I know it sucks but please don't let these fuckos get you down. Love you Aero, you being you and sharing your passions inspires me to be me every day ♥️♥️♥️

thank u toad ;w;

#sorry thank you #i really appreciate it i just ... ugh i thought i was doing everything right #but here someone with stupid opinons comes in to point out what im most self concious about #so it kinda rattled me #but you reaching out has made me feel a lot better... thank u #and to think that i inspire you is... uwehh like flattering but also embarassing #im trying so hard to enjoy myself but when others are... just mean cause they cant do the same? well i pity them... #but i dont pity them because they shouldn't be using MEEE as their target #bc when you hurt me #thats who ur hurting *i point up at that cat* #spice.ask

[arolesbianism]

I'm starting to see ppl talk abt updating their artfight pages and at first I was like what why it's still months away and then it hit me that by months it was two months and now I'm just silently sweating as my anual side project to remake the eternal gales refs and give them all icons comes back to haunt me

#rat rambles #oc posting #well I mean the good news is that all the staliens are already done and Ive already started on the human kids #the bad news is that theres still 5 more refs for me to remake and 9 icons if I decide to commit to that #the only one Ill probably force myself to do is sprinkles since shes the only stalien that doesnt have one and I dont want to leave her out #the human kids might just not get them tho especially since theres other characters Id like to make refs and icons for too #not as many newbies to the field this year which is a good thing since I do not have a lot of space left for new characters lol #Im probably going to take it easy this year in terms of my goals for artfight since last year I crashed and burned Hard #hopefully Ill have the time and motivation to draw a decent amount but if I dont Ill try not to be too broken up about it #especially since Ill probably burn myself out a bit doing the last minute ref rush lol #its not necessary especially since all the guys who needed the new refs most got theirs but Id like for them to be on the same page #I also went ahead and cleaned up my page a lil bit to make my life easier in the future #I should probably update bios and stuff but I dont feel like it Im too tired #tomorrow Im definitely going to need to clean some more as I have been for nearly every day #I mean guess thats why Im here in part #last week of pet sitting tho so soon Ill be back home again #Im not sure if Im excited or dreading it cause while I miss my family I also have been rly enjoying a house to myself #like its not necessary easy to do all the chores and stuff but it's a lot easier to do said chores when Im alone #and Ive actually been waking up at reasonable times too like not having my mom floating around is doing wonders #its almost making me rethink my insistence that I couldnt live alone but I definitely think itd get to me in the long term I need people #I just wish there was a better middleground since having people constantly in the house stresses me out so bad #it leads to me hiding out all day in my room and that's just not good for me #but its not like I could live by myself even if I wanted to #at this rate I dont think Ill ever move out but lets not think abt how much worse that could be for me thats future me's problem

[floorpancakes]

i wish i was a cat so my flaws were still cute and adorable and i was worthy of recieving love attention and raising back to health and my brain was small enough that the discomfort and fear would give way to simple things like enjoying a little treat and looking good for photos and being loved and held and stuff

#i forgot what feeling 'normal' without pain felt like so long ago its hard to remember remembering #i guess i enjoy a little treat but i cant think of a time in almost five years ive ever felt free #i wish i could be loved in a mutually beneficial way that didnt hurt #i would make a really good cat i swear #i dont know #if i was a cat that was loved and gently healed back to health and treasured and only had to worry about churu id be ok #it sounds so cheesy wanting to be treasured cause i just dont associate that with me #even with my family my closest friends ill never be anyones special person #i shouldnt have thought about this on tumblr cause everyones just gonna immediately think about watanuki arent they #i would write a mean vent fic or two if i could being myself to be focused enough to write it #its difficult these days #dont reblog please not trying to be the fun police im just going through some really bad stuff right now #ill delete later #i need rest but it isnt coming to me and it wont really do me much good #when cats get sick and fat and their teeth mess up and their skin goes all sore and they lose their hair and they get wrinkly and in pain #everyone still finds them just like any other cat #all cats are beautiful and perfect #standards for humans are different and so is living in your own skin when it is hostile and unfamiliar and it hurts and warps your mind #its a cruel and unusual punishment and a cat would just walk it off #cats are worthy of love and i am neither worthy nor able to take it

[freyito]

ᴊᴏʜɴɴʏ ᴄᴀɢᴇ & ᴋᴇɴꜱʜɪ ᴛᴀᴋᴀʜᴀꜱʜɪ + ᴀ ᴛᴏᴜᴄʜ-ꜱᴛᴀʀᴠᴇᴅ ʙᴏʏꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ

this ones super self-indulgent, simply cause im in a bit of a mood and i need comfort. so why not write little drabbles with my HUSBANDS!!!! sorry im still working on requests! my schedule is packed and thursdays are about the only days i get to myself, so im working on them, i swear!!!

for more context, there's a couple different ways people can be touch-starved and how people react. i know some people seek out touch actively, but im one of the people who has an aversion to it. that's why it's written like the reader doesn't quite enjoy it!

also, this was kind of inspired by Kocham Wolność by Chłopcy z Placu Broni

cw: male reader, just fluff really, bonus, proofread

-Johnny Cage

Johnny's flashy, touchy, and over-the-top. Of course he is, he has to be. With his status, he wants everyone to know exactly who you are and show you off. You're all his, and only his, and he needs every single one of his fans to know.

So when you shy away from his touch, dodge away from his hand, or even keep your distance the very first time, his heart shatters. He doesn't quite know how to handle it. But he doesn't go with the same approach. He doesn't give up, either.

He's a sucker for physical touch, and if he's denied it, he doesn't know what to do with his hands. He quite literally looks down at them and wonders what he can do.

His first thought is that you dislike him, actually. That you hate him. He has a deep-seated fear of rejection, and for his beloved to turn away from his warmth and love, it stings. He overthinks, and he reacts as such.

Johnny is a 50/50 with being logical. It depends where he is and what environment he is in. However, with love, where he is completely and utterly vulnerable, giving his all to his boyfriend, logic does not take place with his emotions. He does not think that you do not seek the touch he seeks, he craves.

But, before he can let that vile, horrid, agonizing feeling in the back of his throat take hold, there's slight reassurance. A soft gaze that mends his broken heart, if only for a moment. That's when he finally rationalizes.

You don't even need to tell him at that point, he silently understands. Besides, he has other ways he can show his love for you. Spoils you rotten, tells you all he loves about you. See, he can find ways to make up for the lack of physical touch!

Johnny makes sure to ask you before any physical encounter. He asks to hold your hand, asks to hug you, asks to hold you, asks everything. And each time you say yes, he has the biggest grin on his face.

One night, while you two were sitting on the hood of Johnny's car by some cliff,- like those stupid romantic scenes in movies- you lean over to Johnny and rest your head on his shoulder. Your arms are touching, his shoulder provides a comfortable pillow. You feel safe. Gazing at the very few stars scattered in the sky, the night sky's beauty stolen by the city below (and by you, Johnny says). Johnny's beaming. He's trying so hard not to show it, he's trying to act cool. But he can't. He's almost vibrating because of the butterflies in his stomach. He's proud of you, he's in love with you, and god, he's so happy. He leans his head on yours, and whisper all sorts of sweet things, 'I love you', 'You mean so much to me', 'You're the most beautiful man I know', and 'Thank you'.

-Kenshi Takahashi

Since Kenshi focuses on touch mainly in the relationship, he has to re-evaluate how he goes about this without touch. He doesn't start off with it, like Johnny does. But he slowly builds up to it. And when he tries to place a hand on your shoulder, feeling you completely dodge him almost feels humbling.

He's at a loss. But unlike Johnny, his first thought is the right one. Perhaps you aren't ready, you aren't comfortable. And that's okay. He's going to think of different ways to seek out your affection, even though physical touch is the only way he really understands love.

But, he also understands. He knows what it's like to dislike touch, after years of hollow touch and forced affection. And he understands if you just don't trust him enough, he's empathetic.

He'll wait for you, however long it takes. He isn't afraid to admit it's a bit disheartening, but he understands and he loves you and he will always wait for you. He still cherishes your time together, and it isn't spoiled one bit. Besides, he can tell you just how much he adores you. He doesn't have to rely on touch every time.

Like Johnny, he will always ask. But he does prefer that you make the first move, at that point. Any little touch, he also cherishes. Even if it's your hand accidentally brushing against his while walking. You always catch a small smile from him when that happens.

He's happy as is, really. The lack of physical touch doesn't take away anything from the relationship or from you. Simply basking in your presence is enough for you. He adores you, and he knows you're his as much as he's yours. That understanding is really the only thing he craves in the relationship.

He relishes in every little touch you give him, however. Simply holding hands is the most intimate thing to him. He isn't big on PDA, but he loves holding your hand anywhere in public. Even if Sento offers slight guidance to him, he loves knowing you're there to guide him.

The night you finally initiated contact, he fell deeper in love with you. It was quiet, alone, still. In your room, you lay next to him, simply enjoying the pleasures of the mundane. You reach for his hand, and gently trace the ink on his hands. He's calm, collected, but inside burns a fire so bright, that you can feel his body temperature rise. He slowly turns his hand, opening his palm to you. For a moment, your fingers linger, tracing the creases in his hand, before finally intertwining your fingers with his. He turns his head to you, a soft and inviting small on his face. He breaks the silence, whispering an 'I love you, so much', before the silence lay over you two once more.

-Bonus! Johnny Cage AND Kenshi Takahashi

They both agree not to smother you and take their time with you and your comfort. Since most dates and activities will always center around all three of you, they're specifically gentle with you, and are rather hands off with both you and each other (as hard as that is for them).

Just because they are comfortable with each other and each other's touch, doesn't mean they are going to flaunt it. Kenshi believes the ideal is to slowly incorporate you into events. To suffocate you with the idea of touch is too much.

And they do just that. Johnny follows Kenshi's lead, really. Neither of them can live without your touch, and the idea of turning you away is a mutual fear.

When you found yourself between Kenshi and Johnny, simply "watching" a movie from Johnny Dearest, you ended up placing your head in Kenshi's lap, and your legs in Johnny's. You were tired, that was all. Just so happens you had the most comfortable men to lay on. Johnny gave Kenshi the most bewildered look, before realizing the man was still blind. But regardless, Kenshi almost shared the sentiment. However, Kenshi didn't waste his chance. He places his hand on your head, scratching at your scalp. While Johnny just revels in the fact that you've finally warmed up to them.

© freyito, 2024 | masterlist | queue | kofi DO NOT REPOST AS YOUR OWN OR USE FOR AI/AI CHATBOTS.

#*ੈ✩ freyito #mortal kombat 1 x reader #mortal kombat x reader #mortal kombat 1 x male reader #mortal kombat x male reader #johnny cage x reader #johnny cage x male reader #kenshi takahashi x reader #kenshi takahashi x male reader #johny cage x reader x kenshi takahashi

[ohbo-ohno]

After rotating your non con puppy play ghoap stories in my head non stop, I had a Thought:

There's fleshlights that are short and open ended called quickshots, and maybe Ghost decides one day not to cage his pup for their walk, but instead to be really mean and let Soap get hard, encourage it even, but shame Soap in the process. He slips the quickshot over just the head of Soap's cock where its so sensitive and then uses KT tape to adhere it to Soap's belly. As his pup crawls after him, the stimulation gets him hard and yay he's not caged but oh no now he's hard and his cock is out the end of the toy and on full display and he can't do anything about it and Ghost (or one of the others) comments on how the pup must be enjoying his walk, look his little cock is out of its "sheath". Can't stop crawling after Ghost, can't touch himself, can't stop the stimulation or get soft, just whimpers even more

(If this is too much I'm sorry, please ignore! - 🦨)

this is referencing my lil mini noncon puppy play verse - howling and barking, kinktober 11, kinktober 20, and this oneshot!! go read the triggers of at least one of them, they'll apply to this too :)

okay okay okay hello skunk you've come in with a hell of an ask for your first!!

my day 11 kinktober is (to my knowledge??) my only foray into public sex, and it was smth i did to try and push myself a bit - that day specifically is probably the only piece of my stuff that i felt actually kind of uncomfortable writing, it gets to me for some reason haha. public sex is usually a hard no for me

it also exists in that limbo kind of universe that any heavy bdsm erotica does, which is like "this is not at all realistic or really possible, but we're all horny here so get over it" yknow??

anywayssss

i had to google quickshots (here, for those curious lol) and (1) they will almost definitely be making an appearance in my stuff at some point because you cannot tell me that ghost wouldn't edge soap with that and (2) im obsessed with your vision

smth about soap's dick being taped to his stomach... keeps trying to hump something to get any stimulation but all it does is rub the head of his dick against his abs :( maybe if he works had enough the quickshot will shift just the tiniest bit, but it's never enough to do anything for him

he'll be kneeling beside ghost outside while the other man smokes a cigarette, quivering and just barely shifting his hips, whimpering and whining cause he's so desperate but he doesn't want to humiliate himself further :( inches his hips just a little further up once and yips real loudly, nearly crumples in on himself when he hears laughter

nearly collapses on the walk back to their room because he's so fucking close and ghost just drags him along, nearly strangles him with the leash :( johnny's yipping and barking, trying so hard to crawl fast enough and the way his chest heaves and the way he curls in on himself a bit rubs his cock just right and he's got the really long, really miserable orgasm as ghost drags him along :( hears ghost groan and complain about being tired of having to clean up after his puppy :(

#dark fic #asks and answers #🦨 anon #skunks are so fucking cute #ghoap

[lunerna21]

***I'm going to apologize now this is probably a long post but I just need to vent about this masterpiece of an event!***

I can full heartedly say Glorious Masquerade is giving me life again 😌

JUST EVERYONE BEING SUPER FUNNY AND NICE TO THE MC BUT I CANNOT STOP GUSHING ABOUT EVERYTHING INVOLVING THIS EVENT!!

FIRST OF ALL, I LOVE HOW MUCH OF A SWEETHEART DEUCE IS TO US!

DEUCE SPADE IS SOMEONE EVERYONE NEEDS IN THEIR LIFE HE IS JUST ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE AND I LOVE LOVE LOVEEE HIM

*cough* *cough* Unlike ANOTHER person who is a cheeky asshole who should learn from Deuce (I’m kidding I love you too Ace you stupid bastard)

The Grim and Malleus banter back and forth is fucking hysterical from us freaking out about not knowing who Malleus was previously to messing around ITS SO GODDAMN PERFECT

AND MALLEUS BEING SO INTERESTED IN SPENDING TIME WITH US LIKE ALCHENFIENDJ I LOVE YOU MALLEUS!!

(And Grim being protective of us 🥹❤️)

And Idia trying to convince Grim to sit in his lap 😂👏🏻

SEBEK ASKING AZUL TO SIT IN HIS LAP SO HE CAN BE CLOSE TO WAKA SAMA!? CRYING AT HOW SERIOUS SEBEK WAS!

I’d like to imagine we were sandwiched between Rollo and Malleus MY GOD THE TENSION BETWEEN THEM WOULD IGNITE THE WHOLE TOWN

Also, was anyone else crying and cringing deep DEEP inside when they keep saying so many good things about “The Righteous Judge”!?!

LIKE I WAS SEETHING AT THE FACT THAT EVERYONE COMPLIMENTED HIM AND KEPT GIVING HIM PRAISE

LIKE NO GRIM YOU ARE MORE GALLANT THAN THAT CREEPY OLD MAN PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT

IF ONLY THEY KNOW WHAT THAT MAN HAD DONE I HATE HOW OFTEN THEY COMPLIMENT HIM I JUST WANNA LAUNCH MYSELF THROUGH THE GAME AND DESTROY THAT DAMN STATUE

......But at least they're giving tons of lore, easter eggs and praise for both Esmeralda and Quasimodo (BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY ACTUALLY DESERVE IT)

But Rollo just trying to convince us that there shouldn't be magic or mages....

…..Rollo honey noooooo that’s not how I see it

I mean yes, we’ve been through so much goddamn shit with the overblotters (CROWLEY AND ALSO ADEUCE ALONG WITH GRIM, I LOVE YOU GUYS BUT LIKE WTF) but to the point of subjugating people to potentially lose their magic permanently?!

Something they’ve probably worked hard for? Nah, that’s not okay

I would love to learn more about magic anything beats the curriculum in schools here in the US

THEN SEEING HOW MALLEUS ALMOST PASSED OUT FROM THE FIRELOTUSES!? THAT HAD ME REELING LIKE MALLEUS DRACONIA HIMSELF!? LEAVE THAT MAN ALONE!!

YASSSSS SILVER AND SEBEK! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!! MALLEUS HAS THE BEST GUARDS

BUT ONE FUCKING PART HAD ME ON MY KNEES READY TO FIGHT ROLLO!!

CARD SOLDIER!? CARD SOLDIERRRRR!?!

MY BOI IS BECOMING A MAN

MY BOI IS BECOMING A MAN

MY BOI IS BECOMING A MAN AND I CAN'T STOP BEING HAPPY FOR HIM EVEN THOUGH HE'S IN THE MIDST OF DANGER

…But anyway I’m getting psyched to see the last two parts cause this event is FULFILLING MY HAPPINESS ITS TOO MUCH

And Malleus Draconia….My sweetheart…❤️❤️❤️

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH HE IS JUST TOO MUCH I LOVE THIS MAN!!! ❤️❤️❤️

I cannot wait for the next part of the event, IM DYING TO SEE JAMIL AND RUGGIE BOND OVER USING OTHERS TO KEEP THEMSELVES SAFE!!

Now let me go daydream scenarios with all these lovable people while I wait for the next part, AND FINALLY WATCH THE FIRST PART OF STAGE IN PLAYFUL LAND! (ACE TRAPPOLA I NEED TO SEE YOUR SPOTLIGHT)

Enjoy the rest of your day, everyone~~~!!!❤️

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst #twst event #malleus draconia #deuce spade #ruggie bucchi #azul ashengrotto #sebek zigvolt #twst silver #silver vanrouge #twst rollo #rollo flamm #twst glorious masquerade #glorious masquerade #I DONT WANT THIS TO END #ITS SUCH A GREAT EVENT #MALLEUS DRACONIA LADIES AND GENTLEMEN #I LIKE ROLLO BUT NOT RIGHT NOW

[dearweirdme]

Not relevant to tkk, more about fandom I would say.

I am in my late 30s, married with two toddlers, super busy and successful in my very special field. I am also ARMY, heavily Tae based and following tkk love (?) story. The thing is, both of these sides of me have to remain hidden. I would never dare to mention in stan twitter my age or the fact that I have children cause the first slightly deranged person would call me all sorts of nasty things based on that. "Go feed your children grandma" or something like that lol. And I would never dare to even try and explain to my husband the delulu state im in with tae and taekook. Poor man would think I lost it. He already looks pressed when he hears me and the girls sing Korean and choose our biases lol.

I wonder if other people/women in the fandom have similar thoughts.

Hi anon!

I'm very certain that you are not alone in this. The agism is real! Speaking for myself (41.. yes be shocked everyone who hadn't clicked that yet 😂) I've had the craziest shit thrown at me just because of my age and for having a kid. For some reason there's people who think you stop enjoying music and everything that comes with it after you've turned 25 or something. Sure, life gets buzy.. but that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to enjoy BTS or whatever music or entertainment you prefer.

But I totally get it. While my friends and family know I like BTS's music (I play it a lot, so it's hard to miss) no-one knows about me being a Tkkr, no-one knows about Tae being my bias, and no-one knows about my blog. It's not on purpose, it's just that nobody around me is actually also a BTS fan.. so the topic never really comes up (and I doubt I would ever let anyone in my real life know about my blog to be honest). It's a bit of selfpreservation for me. I just don't like the feeling of being mocked for something I love.

There are many 'older' fans around though and I've been lucky to find some Army/Taekook friends on here. It's so good to be able to scream in someone's dm's about how good Jk and/or Tae looks. And I've really loved sharing last year with so many of my anon's and followers. I think being a bit older (and really... 41 isn't old by any standard) gives us a bit of life experience that makes us understand some things better.

#taekook #fandom shenanigans

[fatyaoi]

your art has literally changed my perception of my body, like it made me realize its hot as fuck to be fat. anyway may i request how you imagine postal 1 dude if he took care of himself and gained some weight from it

um . i spent like a full week trying to figure out how i wanted to respond to this because it is genuinely i think the most touching thing a stranger has ever said to me. i couldn't quite say what i wanted to so i'm just going to say what i can. putting it under the cut cause its a little long and wordy but um. i don’t think you had any idea this would be the case but your message was so so profound and special to me. i am wishing you so well sincerely with my whole heart and i am so grateful to hear that and to be a part of whatever journey you are on. please continue being loving toward your wonderful body and i hope you enjoy the dude <333333

i’ve literally spent my entire life capital f Fat. i can’t think of a time i wasn’t the literal fattest person in any given room. the only way i was personally able to heal from a lifetime of mistreatment was through kink. i have always been deeply and exclusively attracted to fat men, and drawn to other fat people in general- but my own relationship with my body was impossible to fully mend without rediscovering myself through the eroticism of fat. even in my worst moments of self doubt, there is no hatred and i would not change this aspect of my body for anything.

the objective fact is that the fat body is a beautiful, desirable, sensual, and natural state of being. in fact i think it’s one of the best things you can be :^) just about everything i do is dedicated to the love of, and healing through the love of fat. its the reason i draw what i draw. i mean yes its insanely hot when a guy gets too fat for his button up but my experience of pain and heartbreak and euphoria and Love goes into Everything i do. so the idea that the minuscule amount of time i have really been vocal or open has done anyone any sort of good like. i am literally so grateful. i am overwhelmed and so happy and so grateful.

um that was a lot but its been like. swirling around in my head for a hot minute now. again, i think this is probably the most touching thing a stranger has ever said to me. anon im assuming youll see this at least i’m praying you will, but i am sending you so so so much love i’m literally squeezing my eyes shut and focusing so hard on blasting you with big pink hearts ok? please know you are so right and so hot always. showing yourself the love and kindness you deserve is one of the hardest things you can do and i am So proud of you. i am rooting for you. in fact i am rooting for everyone who might be reading this. please know in your hardest most painful moments that i am rooting for you and that i believe in you.

any remember everypony-

#that was a lot. um. heehee <3

[the-kipsabian]

grief, death, funerals, a hint of selfharm, what have you. your triggers, if you will

in a really weird way, all this feels just performative to me now. ive cried today so much i feel strangely numb to it all, but at the same time i still have so much left bubbling inside of me that its hard to find a proper reaction or words for it

saying goodbye to someone youve known all your life, no matter how much or how little, is. still so hard. i havent done this in over ten years. its weird. but its difficult. trying to converse with people with happy memories when yours are so mudded when you havent seen them in a few years due to both personal reasons and a global pandemic forcing you apart from the compromised. when the last thing you remember them telling you is that you shouldnt complain about breakfast foods and asking why you are going to spend the night enjoying an activity thats not typically seen as a "girls thing" in an almost mocking manner, it paints a very distorted image in your mind about how you feel, and how you should feel. it makes things feel so odd, but you cant say anything about it, because this isnt the time to talk about memories you have but dont want to keep. youre supposed to fondly remember the ones we lost and celebrate what they gave us that we can still keep using in this life we have left

i. havent been grieving very well, if im being honest. not only does losing two people in a very short amount of time mess me up even more, but i feel like ive been so selfish in the memories i hold dear and the images i keep in my mind to remember these people by. i know its how i feel and its valid, but seeing everyone else grief with positivity just.. makes me feel. weird. odd. out of place. like im doing it wrong and i dont know how to fix it

i have felt selfish more than anything. i see people around me grieving terribly for these people and while i cant relate, it eats me up inside thinking that i could be causing people this kind of pain and suffering by wanting to die. i know its not right, i.. i dont want people to feel this way if i want to finally feel better one day and see no other choice. it makes me feel selfish that i think i could feel better by making it worse for everyone else. i know this current grief isnt about me, but it has made me think about it a lot. i dont know what i feel. i dont know how i want to live, if i want to live and for how long. but i feel like i have no other option but to go on. and its selfish of me to think that i have to do it. for other people and their feelings, but not for myself. cause i havent found that thing that actively makes me want to keep going. i know it makes no sense but it feels bad. it hurts. everything hurts

you should be able to tell people you love them while they are still here. not whispering it through tears while you set flowers down on a pile of dirt that now homes them. it shouldnt be like that. i dont know how it makes me feel. i. i dont even in the end know how much i really did love them. i mean i did. i think. but its hard to feel like i did. ive been so numb for so long and not tried to mend anything in the past few years and now i cant

i dont know how to feel about anything. i dont think i can feel anything

i just wish it didnt hurt

#night is an absolute mess on main

[flyonthewallmedstudent]

In what finding your passion looks like in medicine. maybe.

I work in IM.

Where most of the time it's a desk job. 80% of my patients can't realy communicate. My notes are often, "pleasantly confused" or agitated.

Plans are "collateral history" which means, call their fam on a phone. At my desk. then taking notes on a computer. ordering labs. ordering imaging. making a referral also consists of logging it in a computer, then making a phone call.

I enjoy my job, but it never makes for great television. There is literally a reality show being filmed in my hospital. And they're never interested in filming anything my dept does. I mean, I wouldn't watch what I do on television. My medical students I'm sure are confused by this job. The new ones anyway. Most of the job is sitting at a computer and looking at numbers. Unless they're really sick, in which case that becomes a code or a terrible conversation with families.

When I try do regular people stuff, like taking calls from I don't know, someone trying to sell me something or offer a service, while I'm at a code, in resus or giving a family bad news. I literally don't know what to say sometimes. The other side will ask, is this a bad time almost out of courtesy - and literally it is a terrible time. So, no I cannot actually carry on a 30 second conversation about an upgrade to my mobile plan while my patient is dying and the fam are here. I know they're doing a job. Not like they realize how extreme my job can be. It becomes a very surreal moment in my life. Or worse, I can't really tell my kids at the age they are, why I'm late to pick them up because literally someone's dying.

In the reverse situation. My junior coworkers freak out about waking up family in the middle of the night sometimes for their patients. I have to tell them, this is a 'new' normal, when your loved one is in hospital you'll want that middle of the night update no matter what, just call and wake them. We work in an abnormal situation all the time.

So when it's bad it's bad. When it's mundane, it's really mundane.

Anyway. Watching youtube/netflix on what the average person makes on the job etc. and what they do. I.e. on Mr Beast, an archeologist makes 100k a year to look at bones outside (sounds amazing by the way).

I think about what I make.

Actually most days I don't even think about it. I go to work. it's busy. Shit happens. It's an adrenaline rush. I go home to my kids, it's busy. After it all winds down I'm vegging in front of youtube again.

what's in a job anyway. if it's about the money, clearly i picked the wrong direction multiple times. I don't know how to describe the intensity of it sometimes.

The time I've left to myself is really used to relax after the highs and lows of work and life with kids.

Or worse. Time left is used to try to forget some of the intense moments that happen. Whether a bad outcome or a conflict with someone at work. Or not getting to the meaningful diagnosis or management issue in time, IM is a constant puzzle and some cases are challenging (these moments make you feel dumb and perpetuates imposter syndrome). It's a lot to take it. In some ways, "you get used to it." Which is the most over used phrase ever. How to to normalize things over time. Other times it's working on getting past it

It's pretty consuming job. When you enjoy something and it gives you meaning. Most of the time anyway. Slowing down to find balance is the hard part. We're not built to be machines that just go to work. You can make a lot of money in medicine if you tried, but you won't have energy or time to spend it. People go big when it comes to vacations now or honeymoons if they can take it. Because sometimes all you can do is take the day off to attend your own wedding. For parents who are not the primary caregiver, often all you get is 1-2 weeks off. Is it really worth any money? lol what's the value. I know a cardiologist who works too much cause they have 4 kids and childcare is expensive. But they love that job.

Is it a job? or a strange addiction.

#medblr #medlife

[aeoneskova]

20 questions for fic writers :)

Thank you so much @ulouism for the tag! <33

How many works do you have on ao3? 7 works are currently available to read on my ao3 :)

What is your total ao3 word count? 569,216 words - i’m honestly flabbergasted

What fandoms do you write for? So far only Harry Potter, though I've been interested in some spiderman or stranger things stuff which I might write for soon.

Top 5 fics by kudos? In order: Honey Honey, Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy, the Funny Tricks of Time, Seven Dials, Just in Case.

Do you respond to comments? The majority of them! I try my best to answer every one, or at least one if you've commented on multiple chapters in a row :)

Which of your fics have the angstiest ending? this is hard, all my halloween one shots are very angsty but which is worse? James and Lily dying, Marlene and Dorcas dying, or Mary obliviating herself? I'll leave that up to debate lol

Which of your fics had the happiest ending? I'll go with seven dials, considering that's the only fluffy fic I've actually finished, though goflb might take that spot once its done :))

Do you get hate on fics? I had an incident a couple months ago where I got flooded with some nasty comments, and I've had a couple things in the past. But so many people here came to my defence, it was lovely to see and I can't thank you all enough!

Do you write smut? Not yet... I get awkward... and scared someone I know irl will see it... but you never know...

Do you write crossovers? I have a couple marauder fic wips which take a lot of inspiration from other stories, like the Martian and httyd, but I wouldn't mark them as crossovers when I post them cause they're mainly hp

Has anyone stolen your fics? Not that I know of, hope it stays that way lol

Have you ever had a fic translated? No but i’d be open to any requests if someone did want to :)

Ever co-written a fic? No and not sure if i’d want to, i’m a massive control freak and procrastinator so I think i’d get stressed

What's your all-time favourite ship? I’ve gotta say wolfstar, my loves <33 though I do dabble in drarry and perciver, I don't think anything will top them

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you will? I don't think I can pick lmao I have so many idea folders and half finished first chapters that I want to write but I can't balance them all. I suppose I'll go with my wolfstar pirate fic That's Life

What are your writing strengths? I think im good with characters and plot, or at least that's what I enjoy doing most and what comes most naturally to me. I waste so much water standing in the shower thinking through things... I'd say im quite a proficient editor too, but idk if that counts

What are your writing weaknesses? I'm gonna say dialogue cause sometimes when I read back over conversations, they don't feel right and I spend ages tweaking it. And can I say procrastination? I struggle so much in starting writing, but once I get into it i’m fine.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language? I don't trust google translate enough to write in another language unless I knew myself it was right, so in most cases i’d find a way around it. I don't mind dialogue in other languages if its for a reason, but if that means I have to translate every other sentence it can get a bit annoying

First fandom you wrote for? A Harry Potter x Percy Jackson fic on Quotev that we won't talk about ...

Favourite fic you've ever written? I have to say I'm most proud of Honey Honey, its the only full length fic ive finished but quality wise i’d say Seven Dials is my favourite

No pressure tags: @arakhnee @pretentiouswreckingball @residentrookie and anyone else who wants to join in :)

#questions for fic writers #asks #tag game #ao3 fanfics #marauders #harry potter #wolfstar #dorlene #marlene mckinnon #my wips

[mangozcat]

— hello dear readers. this story hits a bit closer to home than the rest. this story, while yes it’s a smut for all of you to read and enjoy, is also one for those bigger girls that just don’t feel like they belong. all of the descriptions you’ll find for the oc are descriptions of my own body and how i see it when i look at myself in the mirror. i just want everyone to know, YOU ARE PERFECT! you are beautiful and loved and you shouldn’t worry about if you fit the standards of people around you. if you don’t fit YOUR standards, that’s what matters. if YOU want to cause change, go for it! but don’t allow others to make you feel the need to change, because you are lovely as you are!!! i love your big thighs and tummy that causes a little bulge if you wear high wasted jeans. i love your smile and your messy hair with split ends. i love your boobs!! (that sounds bad im sorry) and theyre NEVER too big or too small. don’t be ashamed to wear extra big bras or extra big clothes and don’t get yourself down. i love you :)

tw: unhealthy body image

w: softer smut (meaning it isn’t entirely complete and has an open ending for ur imagination), praise, big-bodied reader (so the descriptions during smut are to fit her body so it might be hard to imagine yourself as her), jealous reader, you might dislike this reader because she has a lot of insecurities but tbh i find her realistic lmfao, body worship, jaem is like legit hottest painter ever pls, sexual tension is real oml, slow, unprotected bc like jaemin cum inside is so hot i cry every time, very long but it didnt need to be, i havent written in months pls be nice this might be awful

ok just to like clarify, im still trying to get back into smut so this is more of an easing into it? its quite long and most of it is just story + teasing, sorry to leave anyone hanging :( i just wanna kinda ease back into it, but i still think this is pretty hot tbh lmao

jaemin’s good at painting.

you recognized his talent the day you met him; varying shades of pink and purple mixing with the bright yellow shades and orange hues that created a beautiful sunset. you’d seen it on his canvas that he was carefully dragging up the stairs of the sweet and small cafe across from your college.

then, you saw that same colorful piece strung proudly on the wall behind your favorite table, or well, your now favorite table.

your favorite ever since the painting had been placed there.

he’s gifted; has a talent that few have and/or ever will have within their lifetime, regardless of practice. the saying might be practice makes perfect, but you know no amount of practice will make a painter as perfect as jaemin is.

his brush strokes are soft, yet precise, and he blends color effortlessly. in all your combined hours of watching him work, you’ve never once seen him make a mistake. all of his work turns out perfect, breathtaking, and you’re never not in awe of his abilities.

today, however, you’ve discovered a new talent of his.

body painting.

something you never thought you’d be interested in, yet here you are, watching as his brush draws elegant lines across the toned stomach of his model. her breasts are on full display and while you’re fascinated by the scene, you can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy underneath.

her face remains blank, eyes closed in relaxation and body completely still aside from the occasional ticklish twitch. you wonder how she remains so effortlessly composed, even while knowing that such a beautiful man has his hands so close to every area she typically hides from the outside world, and his eyes darting across every expanse of beautiful pale skin.

not to mention, her body is beautiful, and this is something you cannot deny. she has thicker thighs, though still remaining on the smaller side. her arms are small, but laced with some muscle from her obvious workout routine. her stomach has little fat, though still enough to remind prying eyes that she is, in fact, healthy and eating well. she has perky breasts, but they’re smaller and more fitting to her form, with tiny nipples that stand right up every time jaemin’s brush dances over her chest.

and her face- oh, her face. plump lips and rosy cheeks, hazel eyes, deep brown hair pushed back into a low bun that leaves a few stray strands to frame her face.

jealousy.

there’s that twinge again.

the feeling of anger and envy and desperation all mixed into one, laced thickly with insecurity. insecurity because you know- you know you’ll never compare to her model physique.

korean beauty standards are tough, and yet, that girl seems to fit all of them without trouble. however, as you glance down at your stomach, seeing the bulge in your shirt from where the lower half of your abdomen juts out and rests over the band of your jeans, tears fill your eyes. you know you have big thighs, thighs that shake and jiggle and erupt a loud pop! when you slap them. you know you have sunken eyes from lack of sleep and overwhelming anxiety and puffy cheeks. you know your hair has split ends and is unevenly cut at some lengths, and you know your breasts are larger than others.

you wish you didn’t think like this, but when allowed time to think and remain trapped in your own head for long enough, you have no choice. you don’t fit the standards, you don’t fit jaemin’s standards, and you doubt you fit the standards of anyone in the world.

you hadn’t been paying attention for the remainder of jaemin’s session- not that you wanted to- and had begun to drift off. soon enough, when you heard jaemin and his model begin to converse quietly, almost as if they were trying to make sure you couldn’t hear, you figured your mind was slowly killing you and simply murmured out need fresh air, before you were scurrying out of the room.

there was something unsettling about being in love with an artist. someone that could find beauty in everything and anything, and make the best out of the worst situation.

but when being in love with an artist, among several other insecurities, one always lingered longer than others.

could he find the beauty in you?

if jaemin did feel the same way about you as you felt about him, could he find a way to fix the imperfections? could he repair the broken image you’d been looking at in the mirror for years? could he find a way to mend all the pain, close all the wounds, and top off the scars with pretty, punctual bows as opposed to what you had now: ragged and mangled skin?

of course, it’s all hypothetical, and it all comes back to two questions. could he love you? could he find the beauty in you?

could he love someone incapable of loving themself, and find the beauty in something that has been left out to rot and rust? the beauty even you cannot seem to find, regardless of how many times you attempt to.

you didn’t realize you were shivering. the air was frigid and windy, and you were sure your cheeks had turned a rosy pink due to the exposure. you felt a cough bubble up in your throat and hugged yourself tighter, eyes staring up at the sky.

if jaemin were here, he’d call the sky his blank canvas.

too bad he isn’t- too bad his attention is on the girl with a perfectly sculpted body and a pretty face, and an even prettier voice; and you were sure she had a pretty laugh and a pretty personality to top it off.

jealousy.

“i can’t escape it, can i…” you murmur quietly, referring to the burning feeling blossoming in your gut. a feeling that was traveling through your veins like blood and spreading to every place in your body like wildfire- until it reached your fingertips and you wished you could do something with it.

when you heard his voice, however, it practically fizzled out and you were left frozen once again, lips quivering.

“awfully cold out,” he says, that wistful tone to his voice he seemed to always have. you felt a jacket being placed over your shoulders, and your heart further sank at the idea that it might not fit if you were to attempt to actually wear it.

“you should head back inside, don’t want your pretty face damaged by the cold.”

when hd noticed you weren’t returning his stare, he gently, hesitantly, reached a hand out and cupped your cheek opposite of him. then, as softly as he could, he tugged the skin until you were leaning into his touch, finally meeting his eyes.

“what’s wrong, cherry blossom?”

cherry blossom.

the nickname he’d given you once he discovered your favorite tree- and later created several pieces of art that now adorned your bedroom. the pretty pink petals falling down onto the bright green grass, matched with soft handwriting that read a cherry blossom for my cherry blossom on the bottom.

“she’s pretty,” you muttered, almost disdainfully. you felt awful. here you were, hating on a girl because she was pretty. because no matter how sweet she might be, it doesn’t change the fact that she’s pretty and you don’t think you are- envy has you wrapped around its’ evil finger. “don’t you think?”

“who’s pretty?” jaemin asks curiously, a comforting hand tracing circles into your back.

you withheld a scoff, feeling tears of frustration prick at your eyes. your brown eyes; eyes no match for the beauty of her hazel ones.

“the girl you were painting,” you murmur sadly, trying to ignore the familiar twinge eating away at you.

you didn’t want to compare yourself to the girl, but you couldn’t help it. it happened without you even realizing, and once you figured out what was happening, you were far too gone and the feeling had invaded your mind long enough to twist the facts.

jaemin hums, watching your expression closely.

“well yes, she is pretty,” and once your face falls and your eyes drop to your shoes at his confession, he shakes his head, “but so are you.”

“while she might be the art i painted today, you’re the art i admire every day,” he says slowly, tugging you into his chest. you feel pride swelling in your chest and the tears in your eyes soon turned to tears of indescribable happiness.

“don’t let the fact that i painted her get to your head, yeah?” he whispers, “i really didn’t even look at her unless it was to make sure the piece blended together.”

“she’s just so perfect…” you whimper sadly, “and i guess she just made me realize- well i just felt so ugly next to her.”

you felt a kiss on the top of your head, making your eyes close in content.

“you are not ugly, cherry blossom.”

while you weren’t entirely sure if this entire conversation was a confession of sorts or just friendly reassurance, you didn’t want to overthink it. his words pierced your heart in all the right ways- and you really didn’t want to mess it up.

—

you hadn’t seen jaemin do any more body painting work- or even mention the topic- in a month. he seemed so passionate about it, so his sudden disinterest was shocking to you.

of course, you appreciated it considering you were his assistant and ended up watching him work 99% of the time.

but, still, you did worry deep down.

what if you crushed one of his dreams with your own selfish insecurities?

you still remember when he came running into your apartment with a book on body painting, rushing to explain the art. you really hadn’t understood a word he said at the time, too invested in admiring that one look he always adorned when he was obsessed with something.

and obsession that you envied at the time- could he ever be that obsessed over you?

at some point, could you fill his mind like he filled yours? invade his senses like he invaded your own? if you had one aspiration in your entire lifetime, this would be it: wishing to be someone’s- no, not just anybody’s, you wanted to be na jaemin’s obsession.

a feat that definitely isn’t simple or easy, for that matter.

“have you seen my thin brush?” jaemin suddenly screeches, running into the living room of his (practically yours, too) apartment. “the small one with the angled tip and black bristles?”

your mind blanked. you glanced around at the coffee table, the end tables, and the television stand before scratching your head, “not that i can recall, no.”

“shit,” he cursed, scratching his neck anxiously, “need that brush.”

“okay, this might sound stupid,” you begin, your words slow, “but do you have any extras?”

he shakes his head sadly, as if you’ve scolded him for something he promised he’d do, and later forgot about. “it’s the only brush i didn’t buy an extra of. i always keep it on my desk i didn’t think- i didn’t believe i could lose it!”

“hey, it’s alright, okay?” you whispered, raising from your spot on the couch to approach him in hopes of comforting the clearly confused and upset boy, “i’ll help you find it.”

he looked up at you, his chest heaving from panic-stricken breaths and he frowned, “yeah, yeah- okay.”

with one final comforting pat on the shoulder, you set out to jaemin’s painting room to try and find the brush. you knew which one he was talking about with the descriptions, but if it’s the same you think it is, it’s incredibly small- which will undoubtedly make it tough to find.

in the painting room, as you call it, things look… normal. just like any other painter’s workspace.

jaemin has a board to display his sketches; all hanging up by a tack and some of the pieces are scattered at odd angles. his floor is covered in tarps to protect the wood beneath, and you take note of the paint stains adorning the white material that made loud noises with every step. he had a massive canvas resting against the furthest wall, with varying shades of colors being messily thrown against the piece. perhaps that messy feel was the very thing that made it artistic in his eyes. glancing around, you noticed how every wall had little space on it, instead covered with pieces of his own work and the work of his favorite artists. then, he had a giant table shoved against the wall. there was a case laying open on top, showcasing all of his different brushes; and next to it, an array of paint tubes and cans. even more paint was beneath the table, stacked until it was touching the wood. finally, against the other wall, was his desk. the chair was pulled out at an angle, one you imagined he sat at to think, rather than be crammed up against his desk. stacks of unfinished sketches were lazily strewn around, with a few brushes between the pages. you checked each of them in hopes that the missing brush was here all along, yet you came up empty handed.

while jaemin’s desk was intriguing- well, the entire room was intriguing; all messy and yet still organized in a way only he could understand- you found yourself more interested in one of his sketches. it was another body painting sketch, but this one was… different. the figure had bigger hips and thicker thighs, large breasts, a softer circular face, with a slightly defined jawline, and her tummy was jutting out just enough for you to know: she was you.

jaemin was drawing you.

something about it made you happy, yet sad at the same time. he’d drawn all your flaws, hadn’t he? the lack of a thigh gap, the big belly, the bigger than usual breasts; everything that you were insecure about, jaemin had noticed.

in fact, he seemed to have perfectly mimicked the details. something about the situation made your eyes water sadly.

“you weren’t supposed… to see that,” jaemin sighs, eyes darting nervously across the room. you turn your head to look at him, blinking back tears. “it’s just a sketch i had for some body painting i just- i don’t know, i never finished it.”

“i was gonna ask you before that night but then i realized you probably wouldn’t want to do it.”

confidence was something you lacked, in here, standing across from jaemin in this moment, you felt like you could shrink. so it was true, he had been painting you? it was your body he imagined on full display for him as he painted, and it was your body he made adjustments for to fit, to encourage confidence and comfort.

confidence wasn’t your friend, however, jealousy most certainly was. if you didn’t take him up on his offer, would that pretty girl return to be painted again? would the art meant for your body fit hers as well as jaemin had planned for it to fit you? would it perhaps… fit her even better?

“i’ll do it,” your own voice is unrecognizable to you; raspy in anticipation and shaky from fear. “i’ll be your model, jaemin.”

his face flushed pink and he averted his gaze, scratching at the back of his neck nervously. “are you sure? it’s a lot of pressure-“

never again would you let pretty girl be jaemin’s model. never.

“i’m sure,” you said, a bit too eager.

“alright, well, we can plan a date and time, let me just grab my calendar-“

it was almost sinful how badly you wanted to be bare in front of your best friend. the best friend you desperately wished to be your lover, the best friend that also happens to be your boss, and the best friend you couldn’t live without.

this won’t change that, right?

you failed to think any further, beginning to slip out of your jacket and beginning to hastily pull the bow from the top of your blouse. with his back turned as he rummaged through his desk for a notebook, you only had one prayer running through your mind: hopefully jaemin doesn’t hate you for stripping down.

“i have an opening on the 12th, the 18th, and the 19th,” jaemin says, turning around, “the times are pretty close but i can try to move things around and adjust it to your n-“

“ah…”

his breathy little whisper has you frozen to the ground, eyes trained on the blue paint stain on the tarp beneath you. a baby blue, one you could get lost in and pretend as if you weren’t down to nothing but a bra and your fiery red underwear.

nervously, you scratched at the skin of your arm and painfully dug your fingers into the skin. he could see you- albeit not all of you- and you were completely open to his judgment.

“what about right now?” you murmured, eyes flitting up to meet his piercing stare.

they were respectful, remaining trained on your face and only your face- something you realize just how much you appreciated in the current moment. however, his stare was strong, yearning, and you found yourself looking right back down at the ground.

jaemin took a slow step forward, then another, and another, and each step made your body jump nervously and your heart beat erratically. it was only when a shadow cast itself upon that baby blue splotch on the floor did you peel your eyes back up.

at first, you avoided his eyes. you stared at his pretty cheeks, his neckline, his cute nose, and even his lips (which you got far more lost in than you care to admit).

then, as if he had discovered your tactic, he put a comforting hand under your chin and demanded you to look up with one gesture.

his eyes were soft. sweet melodies mixing with cherry blossom trees and their falling petals stared down at you, like a scene brought forth from a movie. it played in his eyes, slowly at first, then with a faster pace, and soon enough, you’d been sucked into the movie he’d created with just a glance.

dark brown met your orbs, swirling with curiosity and fear, before the tidal wave ensued and you felt like you were drowning.

drowning in him.

“can i paint you, cherry blossom?” jaemin asked sweetly, but the sultry tone in his voice had you weak in the knees. you tried not to overthink it, but the question was swirling with meanings unbeknownst to you, and the potential knowledge of it all had you excited for what was to come.

your response came out at a quiet whisper, so low that you worried if he even heard it to begin with, “yes.”

one of his hands wandered down to your hip, comfortingly tracing circles into the skin. his finger trailed up, erupting a flurry of tingles from the point. you shivered at the sensation, swallowing thickly. his finger went up and up until it ran into the fabric of your bra, and both of you stilled.

“can i take this off?” he asked, breath fanning your face. instinctively, your hand came up to his wrist and squeezed, using him as your anchor to earth- so you didn’t float away because of the bliss he never failed to give you.

nodding meekly, you felt yourself freeze when his fingers raised to toy with your bra straps. it was like he was playing with you; him the predator and you the prey; as he pulled the straps away from your skin and let them smack back against you. it was a shock of electricity and you hummed quietly.

once he deemed his toying sufficient enough, his hands finally ghosted over the back of your bra until they found the clasp in the back. he sent you one final look before you felt his hands tug at the back- and all in one motion, your bra was slipping off your shoulders and down your arms.

he helped the piece of clothing to come off, fingers softly pulling the black straps until it hit the floor with a soft thud.

your eyes remained locked with jaemin’s, preventing his eyes from wandering to the exposed skin of your chest- which, at the given moment, you were dying to cover with your arms.

jaemin took a hesitant step back before turning, heading over to his desk to look at his sketch. he grabbed a container of pink paint and reached over for a thicker brush, twirling it between his fingers as he approached you once again.

the tube made a loud noise when he squeezed it (something you actually appreciated considering it relieved some of the ill feeling that came with the awkward, tension-filled silence) and he applied a bit of the pink paint to the tip of his brush.

you expected it to be cold and uncomfortable, but you were pleasantly surprised once the brush touched the soft skin of your stomach. it was a sensation you’d never felt before, but you breathed in a surprised gasp. it was ticklish at first, the uneven feel of the differing bristle length rubbing against your skin and making you shiver.

you didn’t forget about one of jaemin’s hands on your waist. his hand was big, perfectly cupping your hip and you couldn’t help but look at your position as something more. him leaning into you, eyes darting across your skin as he painted colors upon you. one of his hands cupping you, squeezing on occasion, and fingers thrumming to their own little beat.

it was when he began to paint the skin beneath your breast that things got more heated than you expected. he’d switched to a thinner brush now, purple paint glistening on the tip before he put it to your skin. it was the eye contact he maintained while tracing the underneath of your chest; it was the feel of his breath against your face; it was how your stomach churned uneasily every time you thought about him near you- all of it, it all contributed.

you felt like you were nearing a frenzy. the need to taste his lips on yours, the need to feel his hands- not that stupid little brush- on your skin, the need to feel him in an intimate way you’ve only ever dreamed about with him; you were going crazy.

then, he switched to bare hands, and you knew he knew. he had figured you out by now, you were sure.

dots of yellow paint littered his fingertips and he felt even closer to you than you thought he was previously; close enough to touch if you were only to lean forward just the tiniest bit.

“tell me to stop,” he murmurs, finger beginning to trail circles into the skin of your abdomen. trailing upward in swirling motions before finally, his nail began to scratch sensually at your breast, and yellow painted over pink and purple. “tell me to stop and we end this right now.”

it was like he was begging. voice small and quiet, a desperate hint lacing his tone.

“don’t stop,” you said; the first thing you were confident about in months. you didn’t want him to stop, not now, not ever.

passion.

that’s what kissing jaemin was like. at first, his lips had hovered dangerously close to your own, tempting you to just pucker your own and kiss him. before you could do it, however, he had you under his spell and your lips were trapped against his own. his tongue had completely taken over you, molding with your own before he had you twisted in the feel of him, tangled in him like he was a live vine.

he made you breathless, every emotion mixing with the other until you were falling into him, hands desperately clawing at his neck, his cheek, his chin, until you were sure you’d colored him in your own paint of red marks.

“god,” he murmured against your lips, and finally, he pressed you flush against him. you knew you were covering him in paint and you could feel your breasts push up against his chest, but for once, you didn’t mind.

you felt good. he felt good. everything about the situation felt so fucking good.

“so perfect,” jaemin says softly, squeezing the flesh of your hip. he backed you up until you were against the paint table, shoving his collection of brushes to the side (which, considering he was missing one of his most important brushes, was a pretty big deal) and helping you jump up and onto the newly cleared space.

his hands roamed to your thighs as your lips connected once more, and a surprised gasp was swallowed by him once he slapped your thigh gently. lips traveling to kiss the expanse of your neck, he began whispering against you. you could hardly hear him over your own breathy little sounds, but the words went straight to your heart.

“prettiest girl.”

“so beautiful.”

his hands traced shapes on your thighs, “best thighs. love your thighs- god, i fucking love your thighs.”

you whimpered needily, grasping at his hair.

when he pushed you back against the table, encouraging you to lay down, you somewhat panicked internally at the knowledge that you’re actually about to be bare in front of him, on display for him to judge- or maybe admire.

when he doesn’t do either of those, instead leaning down to kiss down your body, a part of you is conflicted. you’re grateful he didn’t stare because that means he didn’t openly judge you. but at the same time, you wanted his admiring gaze upon your body.

however, he did something much better than that.

applying tiny, sweet little kisses to every inch of skin he crossed, including your breasts, he whispered a praise about everything- and, slowly, you felt yourself relax as your insecurities faded away.

“so soft,” he whispered, referring to your skin.

“do you have any idea how much these drive me crazy?” jaemin nearly growls, raising both hands to cup and squeeze your boobs as he dotted the area with soft, open-mouthed kisses.

you were experiencing an all new high.

tears thickly lined your eyes and sweet wispy moans left your lips. everything was overwhelming, and you were acutely aware of every touch on your skin. his tongue that would occasionally dart out to wet your skin (which he would later blow cool air on and make you shiver). his pillowy lips that danced over your body and left purple marks in their wake. his fingers that dug into your hips and tugged you impossibly closer to him, and snuck their way against your panty line to feel the soft material he’d yet to remove.

“pretty little tummy,” he said softly, gently kissing your stomach until you felt like the butterflies were going to eat you alive from the inside out. his menstruations were sinful, yet his words so pure and innocent.

something you had to remind yourself jaemin was far from.

every time he returned to your lips, you could feel his bulge rub against your clothed pussy and you wanted to scream; to grab hold of him and force him to do what you wanted- needed most.

yet you remained as patient as you could, your fingers drumming idly against his shoulders as a form of distraction.

“you know how long i’ve wanted you, cherry blossom?”

the name seemed so sweet prior, now it was laced with something more. something dark and lustful- something you were beginning to like.

you shook your head in response to his question, feelings his lips attach to the skin of your neck. you leaned your head back and allowed access. with his new angle, he began to nip and bite at your neck, taking your breath away.

“so long,” he nearly whined, pressing himself against you, “can i show you?”

“please…” you cried, grabbing him by his paint-stained shirt and taking his lips with your own greed.

you were grateful you had kissed him, you really were. because the boy was faster than you ever imagined he could be, swiping down your underwear with one swift, easy pull. his pants took a bit longer to free him from, but once he finally did, you had never been more excited for something in your life.

with all of his sweet gestures and his prior praise, your body was practically begging for him. arousal pooled in the underwear that lay discarded in the far corner of the room, and it took moments for jaemin to swipe his hard member against your pussy to gather your wetness.

his fingers played with your opening, slowly easing in and out in the hopes of preparing you for him- and damn was he glad he did, because the string of unending noises you let out in response was nothing short of music to his ears.

“need you,” you whimpered, biting back a moan. “please.”

with that begging look in your eye, who was he to say no? he kissed you hard, passionately, roughly- something you’d always dreamed of, and yet, it paled in comparison to the real thing.

and finally, with a strangled groan, did jaemin slip inside your heat.

what a dream come true.

#kpop #nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct smut #nct dream smut #pwp #jaemin #na jaemin #na jaemin fluff #na jaemin smut #body image #jaemin smut #jaemin fluff #nct dream jaemin #nct dream jaemin smut #nct dream jaemin fluff #nct dream na jaemin

[farmerjames]

hi its me again ^^; requesting for a romantic matchup (bachelors only pls. gender neutral with he/him prns as well)

im an introvert, usually very quiet and calm and rather hard to provoke at times. i'm easily irritated and lack patience with people who don't really think things through (though i grow warm over time as i grow tolerant in SOME cases). im very loyal and reliable as told by my friends and act similarly to a nagging aunt of sorts?? i'm rational and rather stubborn in the things i do but i relent depending on the severity of things. im also quite petty in certain cases.

i've been told it's easy to be around myself as a person, and people are really comfortable to be themselves in my presence. generally, i'm very blunt since i don't know how to phrase my words any better and some people (& even friends) at times, take the things that i say the wrong way without meaning to. it sometimes comes of as rude and insensitive. i tend to get along with most people as long as they deal with the same mutual respect back. im also terribly sassy at times and rather petty.

i'm rather sarcastic and tend to tease a lot out of the fun of it. it's really easy to get me flustered, especially with flirts because the first thing i'd do is laugh and try to get out of there as soon as possible 😭 i think use both my words and actions equally since i (usually) follow up with what i say. i have tendencies to be a people watcher and observe people going about their day.

i wouldn't really consider myself the most passionate or enthusiastic person either but i really enjoy listening to those who have one. really makes me happy to see people enjoy the things they do. in a sense, i like when people have the things that i lack (energy, passion etc) i just love seeing it A TON. at times, i also have trouble in wording the things that i want to say so it ends up falling flat at times. so i wouldnt say im the most persuasive person either. i tell corny jokes and i rarely give in compliments unless i think its worth it.

appearance wise, i'm about 5'4 and on the chubbier side of things. i have brown skin, really dark brown eyes and 4B black hair. i have small hands and lots of moles on my body but specifically i have 1 on each cheek. as for interests im really into anything that interests me since i get bored easily. most things that catch my attention are typology, videogames, music and gardening. im also learning to play the bass guitar as well. hope that you have a good night/day!

!! SAM !!

INTROVERSION AND STUBBORN

- Being an Introvert has attracted Sam to you, alongside your bold flare of stubborn traits. It’s drawn him in with an eagerness to know just what makes you tick. To be on of those few that you know you can go to for anything, and to be special to you.

- Your haste paths to irritation strikes something in him, living for those moments where he gets to see you snap. Scolding those that have caused you bitter taste in moments.

BLUNT AND SASS

- Your blunt tendencies have him infatuated, whether it’s directed towards himself or others, the way you don’t seem to realize the tone you may hold is something he’s come to understand and admire. You speak the truth, and you don’t bother tiptoeing facts even if you don’t mean to appear so harsh.

- Not to mention your sass, sarcastic comments and petty behaviours having him head over heels. Quite the friendly boy himself, he’s happy to see someone so.. contrasting to himself. You’re just so.. amazing, acting so bold and confident to the public, but Sam knows better.

FLIRT AND TIMID

- While you may deem yourself quite the joking flirt, the moment tables turn is one that has him coming back. You just grow so flustered and timid with any compliment spared from him, and it’s made it his goal.

- He loves the way you watch others, with such curiosity. It’s charming to see you so engaged with the lives of others, but Sam wouldn’t mind having your focus solely on himself from time to time..

CALM AND PASSIONATE

- Your intrigue in others is perfect for Sam. He’s always wanted an audience of his own, someone so dedicated in his own passion for music.

- Your calmness and, often times, silent behaviour don’t bother him at all. He’ll do the talking for the both of you, he just asks that you’re there to listen and sit with him, he doesn’t exactly have anyone else to do so.

MUSIC AND GAMES

- He’s not new to either, and he’s more than happy to help you learn to play guitar. Maybe you two could have a private little band.

- Your music tastes will definitely begin to blend as well, maybe they’re similar, or maybe they contrast, but it’s clear that there’s a mixture of taste that neither of you care to address, but both love.

- Besides, on the calmer days Sam wouldn’t mind laying back and playing some games with you. Nor does he mind watching, or having you watch him. As long as the two of you are together, he’s absolutely joyful.

APPEARANCE

- Sam obsesses over the height difference, he loves the opportunities to be big spoon. To just hold you all nice in his arms on those quiet days.

- I think that while he loves your hair, he wouldn’t understand the care behind it. But he’s happy to learn anything he needs to in order to help you!

- And your most prominent moles are most definitely his favourite place for casual kisses, one on each cheek, just perfect placement for his love.

Hope this is up to your pleasing!! Have a good one!

#stardew valley matchups #stardew valley x farmer #stardew valley x reader #sam x farmer #stardew valley sam

[carpisuns]

hello! i saw your tags on that ''if you would be so kind as to reblog this if you feel insecure about your writing skills'' post, and i just wanted to say that i love your writing SO much!!! like.. all of your fics that ive read are so good!!!!!!!! whether youre aiming for a more silly, goofy vibe or heart-shattering angst you do it so well and im amazed at your talent!

''tell me something i dont know'' is one of my all time favourite fics and i remember how much i enjoyed reading it (and crying my eyes out at 2 am adjahsf), and ''where roses bloom'' absolutely broke my heart in the best way possible!! And i loved your collab fic with botherkupo, ''two idiots and a hamster'' SO much, i seriously had to try very hard not to laugh ahdjskdhf. OH and im not in the toh fandom, but i did read ''The Death-Defying Flirting Methods of Captain Willow Park'' and i really really enjoyed it!! like i said, you write both angst, humor and romance so well and your writing is such a beautiful mix of everything!

Youre one of my fav writers on here, and i think that no matter what your goals are for writing, they definetely leave a big impact on your readers- your fics have made me laugh, cry and quite frankly im obsessed with them! I know insecurities dont simply Vanish from one ask lol, but i hope you know how much you and your fics (AND your art and just. in general youre such a nice person) mean to me, and all your other readers! <3333333

I kept this in my inbox for a bit bc it’s just so kind and I didn’t know how to respond 🥺 and then I started answering but didn’t finished and saved it in my drafts and forgot SHSJSK anyway. Thank you so so much!!!!

i reblogged that post kind of in solidarity with other writers cause i know insecurity is something everyone deals with. it’s weird because I feel like at all times I’m simultaneously confident and insecure about my writing lol. I have enough experience/training that I know I can like put together sentences and paragraphs lol but I still fret over pacing and style and characterization and stuff like that a lot. the insecurities make me feel kind of silly bc I feel like at this point i should be over them!!! but I can’t help worrying about how my work will be received by the audience. i am always at least a little nervous to post something new, and sometimes I am very nervous! Cause I just don’t know if it’s gonna land the way I intended.

And the most frustrating part for me is when I read something REALLY good and sometimes feel like pouty and jealous I guess lol going “ugh I could never write like that! I should just give up!” I feel like such a baby!! but I get over it quickly and I’m sure I’m not the only one who falls victim to Pouty Little Binch syndrome. (I mean I hope I’m not the only one or that would be extra pitiful 😂)

Anyway it helps me to remind myself that it’s a good thing that I don’t write the same way my fav writers write! we all have our own ways of thinking and expressing ourselves, and even when we take inspiration from someone else, the Us-ness of our work is always gonna come through. If that makes sense. like if my fav writer is So-and-So, it’s really awesome and cool to enjoy the So-and-So-ness of their work and break down why I enjoy it so much and even incorporate some So-and-So-type flavors in my own writing, but at the end of the day my writing will always be full of carpisuns-ness and that’s cool too! I just think as creators we are so close to our own work and we’re so in the weeds about it that we don’t get a clear view of it like a reader does when they’re coming to it fresh, and that makes us sometimes judge it unkindly. More often than not, your work is better than you think it is. Sometimes when a creator I admire feels down about their work I just wish I could let them borrow my eyes and see it how I see it, because it’s really amazing and makes me feel so much!!

Anyway, I probably got off topic lol but I just wanted to shout out to all the writers who are feeling down about their work. You are doing amazing sweetie!! Better than you think. Dont stop writing.

this is seriously such a kind message and it means so much to me that you would take the time out of your day to write this! 🥺💜 people like you who go out of their way to make others feel good are such a treasure. Im glad you enjoyed those fics!! And that u even read one of my toh fics when you’re not in the fandom? aaaa I’m honored! Blowing u kisses

#anon #ask #nice things

[badnew2005]

LED ME TO THE FLOOR EVEN THOUGH IM NOT A DANCER (you showed me how to enjoy life, to do things that made me happy rather than who i thought i should be. dennis vs sinned. introduced me to a whole new life (charlie and the bar) and i couldn’t be happier. still some part of me thinks i should be Someone Else (life with maureen and mandy) but i know i’m happiest when i’m here with you) ASK ME ALL THE QUESTIONS THAT YOUR PARENTS WOULDNT ANSWER (same vein i showed you the way even though i’d never been. introducing mac to the idea that being gay is okay. pushing him to come out. they both taught eachother a new way of life, how to be happy. things that were hidden in their upbringing. dennis loving country mac because he’s out and comfortable with his sexuality)

HOW COULD I DENY A DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH (dennis inventing someone else to blame for creating the systems he lives his life through and the pain they caused. taking his heart out of his chest and making a diamond. following the dennis system should have made him a diamond, that version of himself “should” have made him into a diamond. if he had applied enough pressure. but it didn’t. it left him in pain. hating himself. wanting to die, desperately wishing to be someone else in every sense of the word (never escaping it). having mac think of making diamonds in the pressure cooker. he’s a genius and well loved by the gang now. he’s come out. how could i deny a diamond in the rough? how could i deny myself of you for so long? i’m the best version of me when i’m with you.) YOU LET ME IN YOUR WORLD UNTIL YOU HAD ENOUGH (macdennis making the closet (that hole in the wall) their home. dennis as an unreliable narrator (what’s actually happening what’s actual long being said and done out loud is hard to keep track of. it’s harder when i know the pains all my fault) we were happy in the closet i would’ve stayed hidden pretending to be other people with you forever. but you came out. and it changed everything) YOU KNEW THAT I WANTED YOU TO BEND THE RULES (it’s not your fault. i pushed you out (and stole the parachute) i forced you to come out. i wasn’t clear. i don’t know how i expected this to work out. shouting and begging for you to just come out but wishing against it every day.) HOW DID I BELIEVE I HAD A HOLD ON YOU (i’m sorry. i don’t know what i expected. i think i’ve spent too long pretending to be someone else, making You into someone else. i need to try and live in reality for once. it’s hard) YOU WERE ALWAYS STRONGER THAN PEOPLE SUSPECTED (i kind of hoped you would fail out of the closet. get malnourished without me. (im the invisible man who can’t stop staring at the mirror. i want to make you as lonely as me so you can get addicted to this) we made the closet our home but then i spun you around, blindfolded and stole your parachute before pushing you out of a moving aircraft. i kind of hoped you would get caught in the trees or splattered on some rocks. but you survived. you thrived out there. started creating a life without me) UNDERESTIMATED AND OVERPROTECTED (i’m sorry i make everyone mean to you. i was too scared they saw how much i liked you so. had to introduce poison (like a thirteen year old with a crush. but i guess that’s all i am with you- happy and in love and excited and terrified and Young again). i promise i don’t hate you really. i don’t think they do either.)

WHEN I WENT AWAY IT WAS THE ONLY OPTION (tends bar a glimpse into dennis Being Real. saying Something out loud. frustrated that the gang couldn’t see him. but mac did. mac could see Though him. that was too scary, it’s childish but it’s true. couldn’t handle the truth. the possibilities that could bring. dennis had been fighting for so long he had to run away (finally take flight) there was no other option. he wasn’t as strong as mac.) COULDNT TRUST MYSELF TO PROCEED WITH CAUTION (the thought of you knowing me was too much. i didn’t know what i would say or do. i’m sorry. i’m selfish if nothing else, but i don’t think that’s new) THE MOST THAT I COULD GIVE TO YOU IS NOTHING AT ALL (i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry. i wish i was someone else. someone better. but that’s all i’ve ever done and look where it’s ended up. i had to leave you get that right. it wasn’t your fault, not really. i’m sorry i pretended it was. and told everyone you were horrible and needy when that’s really me. i wish i could just Say something to you, anything real. but i would tell you anything you wanted to hear cause that’s just who i am. i promise me leaving was better for us both. im afraid i would have killed you and myself if i had stayed. a messed up xerox of romeo and juliet i guess.) THE BEST THAT I COULD OFFER WAS TO MISS YOUR CALLS (to separate entirely. give you a wrong number. try and cut off comepletey so i could be someone else someone new. but of course i still ended up crawling back home. maybe you’ve learnt how to live alone but i’m still weaned on your love.)

#TRY TO WALK AWAY BUT I COME BACK TO THE START!!!!!!!! #hot and heavy #maybeeeeee a hot and heavy edit will have to be in the works #sorry i was ab to explode #macden