#im.. not feeling it right now

[crabussy]

IM GOING TO PUNCH A HOLE IN SOMEONES CAR

#WHAT THE FUCK MAN #caps #you're not evil dont worry I love you #BUT WHAT THE FUCK. I feel like sisyphus now #if I just blow my nose again it'll be clear right. right guys. if I get the mucus out I can breathe #IM GONNA BE ILLL IM SO ANGRY

[sealsdaily]

Baikal seal baby😭😭😭 it looks so tired and pathetic

Today's Seal Is: Monday Morning Mood

#Auuuhhhhh how im feeling right now!!!!!!! #seals #pinniped #daily #baikal seal #mod ribbon #asks #baby seal

[bigfatbreak]

adrien in the dad-villain!au is going thru a special kind of bullshit in 100% knowing what marinette's situation feels like, and not being able to tell her so.

#dad villain au #my art #adrien "i know what you feel and also im in love with you but you're a marinette from a new timeline' agreste #is really FUCKING going through it right now

[ao3-crack]

(x)

#archive of our own #ao3 stuff #ao3 quotes #archive of our own quotes #fanfic #fanfic quotes #funny #ao3 #ao3 tags #ive never written romance before #or a kiss #and im writing it for a NICHOLAS CAGE MOVIE #you can understand how I feel right now #nicholas cage #but as the next tags say on the fic #this movie? so good

[inkskinned]

crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.

i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.

in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.

i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.

i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.

plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.

the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.

we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.

i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.

a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.

today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.

loved beyond thinking.

#spilled ink #writeblr #personal #please don't ask me to talk on my experience on the spectrum lol. i hate how ppl talk to me about it #i really try not to write so specifically about it #bc inevitably someone talks to me like im a child #i think this is the first time i've ever openly identified with it but i've been hinting for years #i might delete this. feels big. #the thing is that being on the spectrum actually IS a spectrum #and if u say ur autistic #inevitably someone makes an assumption about ur needs/symptoms #please do not treat me differently than u usually would. like.... we can tell when you do #and like i mention. i do appreciate the effort. i do truly appreciate the effort. #but it still feels like... #when i was blind. sometimes people kind of did the same-ish thing. #they'd find out i was blind and start talking really loudly? #and while i KNOW they're just trying to help. it would be like. i'd be trying to find #the right way into a building (sometimes only 1 door is unlocked and i couldn't see the signs posted about where to go) #and ppl would be like ''OH UR BLIND? YES SO THIS IS A DOOR. IT OPENS INTO THE BUILDING. IT IS LOCKED NOW." #''A DOOR CAN BE FOUND IN MANY LOCATIONS.'' #and it feels like. when i admit to being autistic #someone comes screeching into my life being like THIS IS A DOOR.

[dragonroilz]

IM GONNA LOAD ALL OVER THE PLACE

#risk of rain 2 #risk of rain #ror2 #ror #ror2 loader #my art #yeah sorry guys im a little unhinged right now #yknow that thing where the twilight creator made a genderswapped version of twilight #and everyone was like “i get it now” #thats how i feel with rorr loader #anyways #i hate drawing loader with the exoskeleton #even though i designed this one its no different to all of the other exoskeletons #one day loader will be the character ive drawn the least #for the simple reason that this exoskeleton makes me want to commit warcrimes #and not the fun ones

[haunted-xander]

For what do you live?

#meant to post this a lot earlier but it just didnt... feel right? #and now im like fuck it. woe sciosn be upone ye #i was originally gonna have banana(wol) here too but then the amount of panels would be uneven >:( #so i removed her (im srry bby i love u i prommy </3) #anyway. i love them and seeing them fight for their right to exist in ew despite several of then having had #issues and doubts and all that in regards to their own lives and well-being hit me hard #i mean several of them are implied to not mind dying/not caring about surviving and at least one of them is/was explicitly suicidal! #and yet!!!!!! #OUGH #thancred waters #y'shtola rhul #urianger augurelt #alphinaud leveilleur #alisaie leveilleur #g'raha tia #tataru taru #krile mayer baldesion #estinien varlineau #estinien wyrmblood #final fantasy #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #ffxiv #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art

[torosdottir]

the fact that ur childhood affects ur brain for the rest of ur life is sooooo fucking embarassing. yeah i have all these things wrong with me and i feel kind of bad and weird all the time. why? oh umm well my mummy and daddy were mean to me when i was 5. no yeah i know. yeah and im still living like this. yeah. cringe 😬

#sometimes i literally am like why do i feel like im evil and awful and terrible forever why does this follow me everywhere #oh right its because mummy was mean to me. #um. and does that uhh. go away? now that im older and can be more objective about the world? #no? oh i see. oh so my brain is just shaped like this now? i see. and i have to live like this? ok. amazing.

[keplercryptids]

image description expanded upon from alt text:

A poem by Kai Cheng Thom, as it appears in Queer Little Nightmares: An Anthology of Monstrous Fiction and Poetry, that reads:

ON THE ORIGIN OF TRANS FEMMES

for Meredith Russo

we are the daughters of witches that they could and did burn we are the daughters of witches that they are still burning & you know in my dreams, a woman keeps whispering: keep going maybe in the next lifetime we’ll make it to the water

#kai cheng thom #lgbtq #feeling a lot of queer grief right now and this poem is part of how im processing it tbh

[transphilza]

i love you technoblade

#i love you forever and ever #technoblade #good game king. #i only broke down sobbing twice while i drew this so i will consider that a win #that doesnt count thr sobbimg im doing right now im done drawing it doesnt count #i ddidnt listen ti anything ehile i drew this #i sat in silence and i listened to the birds chirp and my family talk in the living room #i feel so hollow #myart

[australet789]

Characters that have to be happy despite the horrors and trauma because someone fucking has to be, because if not them, then who? Using bad jokes as a copying mechanism because they cant even get the chance to cry or everyone else they love may fall into despair if they do so

#IM HAVING FEELINGS RIGHT NOW #that kel comic made me cry #and i relate so much to that #covering my feelings with jokes or sleeping

[corruptimles]

redraw

2019 art:

#theres something off about my brush settings right now nothing feels right so Im scribbling #team sillyvision au #henry stein #sammy lawrence #batim #batim au #bendy and the ink machine #I dont have a drawing tag #art

[hannahhasafact]

Currently losing my goddamn mind regarding the new D20 season announcement

#ramblings #9.23.23 edit: turned off reblogs because why are ppl still reblogging this is old now #dimension 20 #dungeons and daddies #dndaddies #dimension 20 spoilers #this is all jokes but in all seriousness I literally stumbled when I saw Freddie IM SO EXCITED #but mainly!!! this cast!!! is so good!!!! I’m super excited #like tbh Danielle was like my fave part of misfits she was so funny??? and I feel like she didn’t get much time to shine #and I think Trapp is so fun like he was so good as sokbarr #and Siobhan is always a treat #literally only one person I don’t know in the cast but I’m excited! #also the theme seems right up my alley

[aroaceleovaldez]

Nico and Percy's dynamic through the series is eternally funny to me, because it's just. like.

Percy's having a constant mental struggle between his fatal flaw of loyalty with a promise he made to Bianca to protect Nico, versus his Big 3 kid desire to maim other Big 3 kids / Poseidon descendant urge to totally maim Nico specifically. He hates Nico so so much. He thinks Nico's annoying and weird at best, and creepy/sketchy when he's older. The only positive thoughts Percy has towards Nico are "He's Bianca's brother and Bianca was my friend and I owe her/He's Hazel's brother and Hazel is my friend and would kill me if I was mean to him," "He's a powerful asset and useful ally (if questionable)," and "He's kinda pathetic and I feel maybe a little bad about it." Percy has multiple occasions throughout the series where he strongly considers - and on one occasionally actually goes through with - throttling Nico.

Meanwhile, Nico is following around Percy like a lost puppy. He explicitly can never bring himself to even dislike anything about Percy no matter how hard he tries. He has a whole bit in BoO where he's mentally going "UGH he's so stupid BUT IT'S ENDEARING HOW DARE HE." He's totally smitten. He's making deals with his dad for Percy. He's making convoluted plans to help Percy stand a chance against Kronos. During the entirety of BoTL it's like he's playing tsundere - "I'm helping NOT PERCY SPECIFICALLY with this quest! Me helping Percy would be SILLY because I DEFINITELY HATE HIM." Then he proceeds to show up to Percy's birthday party to basically ask him on a weird date and spend the entire next book scrambling around trying to help him or protect him or impress him. And Percy could not give less of a shit.

Just. That dynamic is so funny to me. Percy is the founder of the Nico Protection Club in that he's the one they're all protecting Nico from and meanwhile Nico is throwing himself at Percy to the point where the literal god of gay love calls him out on it.

#pjo #percy jackson #nico di angelo #Percy shows up at CJ and squints at Nico like ''hm. why do i feel like i hate you? like i just wanna punch you in the face?'' #and Nico just immediately goes ''huh no idea anyways i have to go-'' and jumps into Tartarus #but not before he gives Hazel essentially a detailed explanation of ''this is Percy i cant say much but please dont let him die <3'' #and Nico's whole Tartarus trip was basically a whole ''im doing this so no one else has to'' #only for Percy and Annabeth to fall in like one book later and Nico proceeds to spend the next book internally screaming about it #and then Cupid calls him out on it and the next book #Nico's just like ''at this point im hoping i keel over within the next week just so i can force this dumb crush to chill the fuck out'' #Nico staring pointedly at Will: ''For my own sake i need to form another crush RIGHT NOW so i can finally get over Percy.'' #''this has been so bad for my health'' #Nico's crush on Percy is just too funny to me. horrible pick my guy. terrible job. love that for you. he could not be less interested. #Percy LITERALLY TRIES TO KILL NICO and ditch him in the underworld and Nico is somehow STILL like ''but i love him'' #Percy basically chokes him. beats up his dad. tells him ''go get smited by your dad for me.'' and ditches him. #and Nico's opinions/crush on him DO NOT CHANGE #though also Nico's reaction to Percy beating up his dad + skeletons is SO funny. his jaw is on the floor. he's flustered about it. #he just witnessed Percy be incredibly hot and proceeded to go ''yea i'll do anything for this man. collect reinforcements of 3 gods? sure'' #nico you absolute DISASTER with HORRIBLE TASTE. you can do better. raise your standards. #which tbh is funnier when you factor in sun and the star. Nico just wont stop crushing on guys who dislike him and everything he stands for

[otrtbs]

one thing about me is that i'm gonna make remus and james besties every time.

"oh that's literally sirius' job" you say?? WRONG.

to me, sirius and james can meet at any age. any time. any place. and they'll click instantly because that's who they are. they're cut from the same cloth. they can read each other's minds. they're linking pinkies down the hallway. their souls are made of the same stuff.

but remus and james??? REMUS. AND. JAMES???

they're besties. they are best friends. they aren't cut from the same cloth. it's harder for them to figure each other out but james looks for remus first in a crowded room because he can already feel sirius' presence. it's james' constant "are you okay? do you need anything? i'm here for you" that he doesn't have to do with sirius because sirius just knows. it's remus giving james the steady constant in his life that james gives so many others.

[LOOK AWAY IF YOU HATE JFP AS THE SUN METAPHORS NOW]

james and remus are the sun and the moon people! the sun and the moon!!!! like, the sun is also a star. you get me? this is why james and remus bestieship is so special to me. this is the relationship. this is the way.

#have i convinced you yet???? #anyway this is also 2 me... and in my head... something that peter picks up in canon that goes kinda undetected by everyone else #why he feels like a bit of an outsider in his own friend group even though everyone is just as nice and kind and pleasant to him as ever #it's just....there's something..not quite....right #ESP after wolfstar happens. then peter's like....... im evil now #<- i am kidding about this part #to be clear

[sciderman]

How did your meeting go with the surgeons?

it was memorable

#sci speaks #the sci files #im glad i've done all the research. i feel okay. i feel safe and confident. and the doctors have all been really kind and helpful. #lots of good vibes. and they're moving me through the system so quickly. i'm glad it'll be dealt with so soon. #feels so crazy that this has been going on. right under my skin. and it's all explained now and i feel so much more in control. #i know whats going on!! with my funky body!! no more unanswered questions!! #i feel really good these days. optimistic. i feel like i understand myself a lot more and it means i'm better to myself. #but you'll all have to be patient with me. please be patient with me like i've learnt to be patient with myself.