#is it the random acts of violence by the divine that can never be reasoned with

[poetryqueer]

rotating uvm’s pentheus in my mind always

#transest pentheus I can find recordings of which is sad considering the potential #the audience’s laughter is not so pleasant but there’s this tragedy in their production that you can really let seep into you #this is a pentheus who wants and desires and comes so so close #but agave does as she does all the same #and the question of why is just so palpable #on the level of it as an adaptation it is both an inevitability and also a choice that has been made for so many reasons #and then the text is this wiry mess of reasons #is it pentheus as threat to the bacchants #is it pentheus as threat to dionysus #is it Dionysus’ revenge on thebes #is it the symbolic killing of Dionysus’ mortality #is it the random acts of violence by the divine that can never be reasoned with #is it pentheus’ punishment for acting against the divine (and potentially against gender?) #is the intrusion on women’s ritual an act against the divine or women #and within this version of the text #is this an intrusion because of pentheus’ repression of the bacchant within #and what are we meant to do with it all except for look at the actor bow #glowing in the white dress at the end #this essay will have cohesion I swear

[carveredlunds]

“I won’t be hands-on”: A meta on Jack becoming the new God

“But if he is out there, what's wrong with him? Where the hell is he while all these decent people are getting torn to shreds? How does he live with himself? You know, why doesn't he help?” -- Dean Winchester, season 4, episode 2 “People pray to you. People build churches for you. They fight wars in your name, and you did nothing.” -- Dean Winchester, season 11, episode 21 “I won’t be hands-on. Chuck put himself in the story. That was his mistake. But I learned from you, and my mother, and Castiel, that when people have to be their best, they can be. And that’s what to believe in.” -- Jack Kline, season 15, episode 19

I’ve still barely processed my anger at the end of the Brothers VS. God storyline. The idea of Jack being a “new God” is ridiculous. Not only does it ignore established lore of the universe by reducing Chuck to a human who was (apparently) just filled with divinity which can be sucked out of him like Daniel Plainview drinking his milkshake (yes, that’s a There Will Be Blood reference!), rob Amara of any agency by making her exist inside her nephew (ew), and make Jack (who has always been an OP character) a super duper Gary Stu, but its final message is an insult to long-held beliefs of both of the brothers, especially Dean.

Let’s break it down, shall we?

Ever since the earliest seasons, Dean has had an issue with the state of the world. In season 2, episode 13, Houses of the Holy, he makes the following pessimistic speech to Sam:

There's no higher power, there's no God. I mean, there's just chaos, and violence, and random unpredictable evil that comes out of nowhere, and rips you to shreds.

There are too many mentions of Dean’s lack of faith in God to go through each one, but it essentially boils down to this -- Dean can’t believe there is a God, because the world is so full of suffering and injustice, and no God would allow that to happen. It’s a classic atheist stance, held by a lot of people. But it goes a little further than that. In season 5, episode 2, Good God, Y’all, Dean says the following to Castiel:

Even if there is a God, he is either dead -- and that's the generous theory -- or he's up and kicking and doesn't give a rat's ass about any of us. I mean, look around you, man.

So, what a lot of atheists point out is that not only do they not believe in God, but they often believe that, if there is a God, he is not worthy of worship or praise, because he made such an unfair, pain-filled, evil, world (for a very eloquent speech on this, check out Stephen Fry talking about it.) I’m not going to get into the Problem of Evil, because I’m not a theologian, and that’s not the point of this meta. But basically, that’s Dean’s stance on the subject of God. At first, Dean doesn’t believe there is a God, and then, when he’s forced to accept that there is, his belief changes to “God must be dead, or evil”.

Enter Chuck Shurley in season 11. At last, Dean is able to actually vent his feelings to God, and they have this exchange:

CHUCK: You're frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on. Real hands-on for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being over-involved is no longer parenting. It's enabling. DEAN: But it didn't get better.

Given what we later find out about Chuck, it’s easy to say he’s lying. He was hyper-involved all along, pulling the strings, being the puppet master. This is what Dabb wants us to believe. Even though it literally ignores 14 seasons of established canon which say that God was an absentee father. Even though it ruins the narrative parallel between John Winchester and Chuck. Even though it retcons season 11, episode 20, Don’t Call Me Shurley -- one of the most beloved episodes, adored by fans and cherished by Rob Benedict as his favourite episode.

But sure. Let’s say Chuck is lying. That’s not even the point. The point is that Dean isn’t satisfied with a God who took a backseat, and let humanity stumble along by themselves. He wanted a God who steps in, who is involved, who stops suffering, and helps his creation.

Even Sam Winchester, the one with all the faith, eventually loses his cool with God, and, in season 14, episode 20, Moriah, says the following to Chuck:

Then why don’t you do something? If I had your power, I --

If he had God’s power, he’d... what? Rid the world of suffering and evil? Remove all the monsters? Get involved? Maybe even all of the above, given the context of the whole conversation. But again, the point is that Sam is angry at Chuck’s lack of involvement.

Fast forward to season 15, episode 19, Inherit the Earth, and the conversation between Jack and the brothers.

JACK: I’m already there. DEAN: Where? JACK: Everywhere. SAM: So you are... Him?

This isn’t the first part of the interaction that I take issue with, but I’ll focus on it anyway, otherwise this meta will be 1000 words long. The small gasp Dean gives when Jack says he’s “everywhere”? The almost reverent way Sam says “him”? The wannabe poetic explanation Jack gives to being “in every drop of falling rain, every speck of dust which the wind blows, and in the sand, and the rocks, and the sea”? It’s all supposed to bring the long-since lost mystique back to the character of God. Before he was introduced in the form of Chuck, God was only talked about reverently. Angels talked about his wrath, his power, his Divine Plan. God acted as an offscreen force, putting Sam and Dean on the plane at the beginning of season 5, bringing Castiel back from the dead in Swan Song. He was an unseen force. Yes, he intervened, but the idea of God sitting and playing a guitar? It would’ve been ludicrous in the early seasons of the show. They wanted the mystery of God as an unseen force, working in the world when the plot needed him.

All that to say, obviously that’s what they’re going with now, with Jack. He’s in everything, within everyone. But my question is... was Chuck that way too? If Jack is just God 2.0, if he’s omniscient and omnipresent, then surely, Chuck was too? Heck, we know Chuck was omniscient, because he told Amara he was, just two episodes ago.

Which brings me (in a very roundabout and rambling way) to the double standard here. It is okay for Jack to just “be in everything”, to not answer prayers, to be a “hands-off God”. But it’s not okay for Chuck to do that? It’s okay for Jack to make some speech about how people can find him by looking within, but that they don’t have to pray to him. News flash, kiddo: People are still going to pray to you. So... are you just ignoring those prayers? Jack is doing exactly what Chuck did, but, where Chuck was shown by the narrative to be a villain for stepping back, this is seen as a good thing. Because they played some sad music, and Sam and Dean looked solemn, and Jack talked about the power of human goodness. The show was screaming at us to see this as a good thing, to see Jack as a benevolent force, to be glad that the new Man With A Plan was the three year old son of Lucifer, instead of the ancient deity that’s been doing the job since the dawn of time.

And Sam and Dean do think this is a good thing. They get all teary-eyed, and let their surrogate son walk away in his fancy white suit (which has got to be a call back to both Chuck’s Swan Song appearance, and his final scene in Inherent the Earth, right?)

Everyone is talking about the Death of the Author, and how Chuck had to step aside to allow the boys to be free. But there was no Death of the Author. There was just a change in management. Jack is still fulfilling the role that Chuck once did -- an uninvolved, neutral, God, with all the power in the universe at his disposal, but apparently no intention of using it.

We have no reason to believe that Jack didn’t bring the world back exactly as it was before Chuck vanished everyone. All the murderers, rapists, monsters, abusers, are back. All the evil and suffering which Dean hated so much in the earlier seasons is still happening. The difference now? God is a three year old who looks like he’s in his mid-twenties.

And the most annoying thing? The show itself lampshaded, in season 15, episode 13, Destiny’s Child, how ridiculous it would be if Jack took over the role of God:

DEAN: But if Jack kills her... Kind of a family plan. Then there's no God, there's no Darkness. Nothing out of balance. World saved. SAM: Okay, yeah, but then who takes over? Uh, Jack? [Jack enters, chewing gum. He blows a bubble and pops it, grinning proudly] JACK: I just learned how to do that. DEAN: Probably not.

But now he’s made some saccharine speech about the inherent goodness of humanity, and Sam and Dean have conveniently forgotten how they hated it when God did nothing, and we’re all supposed to be okay with this, because Chuck turned out (over the course of one season) to be nothing like the neutral, distant, God we’d come to know over 14 seasons, but instead, he was a megalomaniacal control freak who apparently sent Kevin to Hell, tortured Sam, and is personally responsible for every bad thing that ever happens in the world, and has happened to the brothers. (Side note: Does this mean that they’ll blame Jack now, when bad things happen to them?)

I could go on about how sapping Chuck of his “powers” doesn’t stop him being God, because being God is more than just being a human filled with God-ness, and Chuck was never canonically said to be possessing a human vessel the way angels and demons do, but this is already long enough. So, sure. Let the Devil’s kid go be the rain, or whatever.

#supernatural #spn #spn meta #spn spoilers #jack kline #chuck shurley #sophie speaks #sophie talks about spn #i am so tired tbh

[bestworstcase]

Okay but what is the general consensus on Zhan Tiri eating Ri Ni’n I would like to know

:D

the general consensus is. there is no general consensus ALKSDFJK

in ye olden times, by which i mean ~500 years prior to the consumption and earlier, the dominant belief in the citir region where ri ni’n grew was. ri ni’n in a protector/guardian role and the... entity that would become zhan tiri (known by various names but most commonly gat as’la) as this... slumbering devourer figure kept at bay by ri ni’n the gatekeeper. really early on gat as’la was considered... frightening but not evil. a force of primordial violence and part of the natural creation/destruction cycle that the abralians, who were the dominant culture in the area at the time, believed in. this mythology began to drift more and more towards malevolence as gat as’la began to “wake up” ie take more of an active interest in humankind. 

then! during the last decade or so before the shattered era begins, gat as’la encounters dione, who survives. no one has ever escaped before so gat as’la spends the next nine or ten years chasing her until that enmity sort of evolves into a mutual fascination. in 0 SE they make a bargain, gat as’la renames herself ẓanti’ri, and dione founds a cult in her name (the host of the rotted vulture). HRV’s characterization of ẓanti’ri has a lot in common with late-abralian characterizations of gat as’la—a cruel, violent devourer—but with the key difference of there being no notion of ẓanti’ri being held at bay by ri ni’n. she’s already here. they coexist. 

(early HRV ẓanti’ri is a goddess of war and vengeance, pretty much, with a pinch of apocalypse death cult thrown in for good measure. it is not a nice organization.)

*deep breath* 

to zoom out a little, zhan tiri’s domain is hunger and she is, to a much greater extent than the average sublime entity, sort of malleable in nature. most gods form when a significant amount of magic coagulates around an anchor point, and anchor points come from widespread shared beliefs or doubts or feelings about the cosmos at large. so, like, cathay for example began to form once sentient races started asking questions about what happens to people when they die. zhan tiri, on the other hand, actually predates the cosmos by a wide margin. she’s an abyssal parasite that crawled out of the dark country eons ago, killed jinarche, ate part of her corpse, absorbed and corrupted a big chunk of her power, and became... sort of a cosmic personification of hunger and sort of a cursed reincarnation of jinarche. and that cataclysm created the current cosmos with the separation between the profane and sublime realms etc. 

ANYWAY THE POINT IS, zhan tiri is what she eats. i mean this in the most literal way possible. when she struck that deal with dione, dione’s soul became... hm. tethered to ẓanti’ri’s sphere of power, so while ẓanti’ri didn’t eat it in the literal sense it still became, in a way, part of her. likewise for the other acolytes of the HRV. so an unintended side-effect of ẓanti’ri being worshipped is that it infects her with little bits of humanity. this had already begun to happen a little bit during her pursuit of dione (and was the impetus for her to choose her name) but it accelerates as the cult took off.

around 420 SE, ẓanti’ri has a divine existential crisis and spends a few years wandering and brooding until she ends up in the peatland of what would become saporia and meets sorchā, who is a young poet and philosopher afflicted with her own ennui. they talk a lot, and sorchā starts to crystalize her own philosophical theories and, in particular, the idea of “choimghē” as an ideal combination of the profane and sublime. (ẓanti’ri also adopts the spelling of zhan tiri around this time.) the concept of choimghē fascinates zhan tiri, who goes to ri ni’n to seek advice or help achieving it. 

(she goes to ri ni’n because, as the cosmic bridge, ri ni’n is of both the profane and sublime realms.)

now! zhan tiri and ri ni’n are not and have never been enemies. their relationship is more akin to the relationship between zhan tiri and huma or turul, i.e. they belong to the same, in a manner of speaking, family. there’s no like... biological relationship because sublime entities do not have biological relationships, but the four of them all developed around the same time and their spheres of power all overlap pretty extensively, and they’re all, like, compatible with each other. if turul is your patron it would be reasonable for you to petition zhan tiri for a one-off favor, for example, that kind of thing. 

which is to say zhan tiri does not approach ri ni’n in an antagonistic way or at all with the intention of killing her, but... ri ni’n a) couldn’t help zhan tiri with this even if she wants to and b) doesn’t want to, because zhan tiri has spent the last several centuries being horrible and ri ni’n, who understands things like pain and fear because she exists on the physical plane and has a body, disapproves of that. so she tells zhan tiri that the only way to get what she wants is through more violence, which ri ni’n will not under any circumstances help her with, and that if she does go through with it she’ll bear the consequences forever. and zhan tiri is like #YOLO and eats her. 

so like i said, zhan tiri is what she eats, so... there is a strong theological argument to be made that rather than ‘killing’ ri ni’n, zhan tiri engulfed and became her—this is the standard doctrine of the modern HRV. in any case she absorbed all of ri ni’n’s power, supplanted her as the cosmic bridge, and (this part is important) grew a body. (said body is a vast blobby mass of random things but she can smash bits of it into more... uh, coherent shapes when she wants to appear on the planet.) and part of having an actual physical body was that it came with physical sensations and real emotions rather than just vague impressions left by all the human souls she’d collected over the years so this whole process was a nightmare alksdfk and sorchā got to deal with this trillion-year-old god having a sensory overload meltdown for several months. 

the point being, in the aftermath of eating ri ni’n, zhan tiri mellowed out a lot. became... gentler. experiencing pain for herself and the realizing she had done that to people herself was horrifying for her. and this is also when her sphere began to really branch and grow into the eclectic monstrosity that it is today, because while attempting to process all these new things she was experiencing her only real frame of reference was ‘hunger.’

( zhan tiri: love is when you want to eat someone but have them not, like, die because of it right

sorchā: no )

so ANOTHER perspective on the eating ri ni’n situation is that it was kind of a last time pays for all type of thing. zhan tiri slaughtered one of her own siblings for personal gain and, just as ri ni’n warned her, she’s going to carry the consequences of that and every act of violence that came before for eternity and the nature of those consequences also mean she now has the capacity to be better. one last shattering atrocity in exchange for her becoming, not an entity driven by the compulsion to take and take but one capable of choice even though she does still feel that urge. this is the framework the thorn syconium teaches. 

then you also get myths here and there where zhan tiri and ri ni’n are understood as always having been one and the same, and their mythological enmity and the subsequent consumption of ri ni’n is interpreted as an individual entity having an internal conflict with itself, torn between its cruel and destructive urges (represented in the figure of gat as’la) and its compassionate and creative urges (represented in the figure of ri ni’n). in this conceptualization, ri ni’n is actually the triumphant half and zhan tiri’s ‘consumption’ of her is representative of zhan tiri embracing that side of her nature and bringing herself into balance. this view is especially popular with the sect of the HRV that resides in antares. 

then of course there’s another perspective that is more grounded in scholarship on the abralian faith, where ri ni’n was this gatekeeper who kept this dangerous, malevolent force of destruction at bay and guarded the wellspring of life and so on, and from that perspective this is a matter of zhan tiri having triumphed over ri ni’n and the world now being in an apocalyptic epoch that will ultimately end in the utter destruction of everything. 

and there’s the, like, demanitus framework, which is based on his writings and accounts of his battles with not just zhan tiri but also other gods, which takes things a step further to suggest that all gods are hostile to mortal life and the only way to avert the growing apocalypse is to cut off the sublime realm’s access to the profane realm altogether by removing the cosmic bridge. which is precisely what demanitus did when he banished zhan tiri to the dark country.

and then there’s the entities of the sublime realm themselves, who have myriad personal opinions on zhan tiri slaying and devouring another god because she felt like it and tend to pass those views on to their own cults. one of the reasons it is nigh impossible to kill one of zhan tiri’s scions is you would need the help of another god to do it, and zhan tiri is the largest, oldest, and most powerful god around, notorious for being extremely attached to her scions, and also a proven god-killer. nobody wants to get eaten. even cathay, however willing she might be to antagonize zhan tiri in other ways, wouldn’t do it. 

and then there’s huma and turul, who as i said belong to the same ‘family’ as both zhan tiri and ri ni’n, and who i think were kind of like “zhan tiri what the fuck” about it. but it’s not like—despite the sibling analogy i keep using—it isn’t equivalent to the human horror that this situation, of one sibling killing and eating another, would provoke. everything ri ni’n was—her power, her magic, her essence—still exists. she isn’t dead, in the way that gods can die (by becoming unmoored from their domain, which shreds them and causes their magic to disperse into the sublime realm itself). she’s just. part of zhan tiri now. so for huma and turul it’s more of a “why in the world did you do this to yourself” sort of “zhan tiri what the fuck” than it is a “you murdered our sister?!” thing. 

...so yeah. the general consensus on this depends a lot on where and whom you ask gjksdjkf. i think the thorn syconium framework is the one closest to zhan tiri’s feelings on the matter, unless she’s in a mood. 

#bitter snow #Anonymous

[sirene312]

i'm back at home

This have to be the first time that the reason I disappeared here was not because I lost my internet, I don't even know how to start the nightmare that these last two-three months have been. What happened to me it's something so horrendous that i need to get this out of my chest now that i have the chance so i don't have to think about this whole experience ever again. sorry in advance but this is going to be a long post. 

Before you read this I want you to keep in mind that I live in a south american country falling apart with many problems (here's a translated thread (x) of the things happening on in my country. here’s the original with images (x) caution some images are distressing) where crazy things like this happen with impunity because literally nothing here works and that includes justice.

My dad passed away suddenly at the end of August, my brother and I went to his house that is on the other side of the city, and when we got there, apparently there were some “friends” living with him: a man, a woman and a child. At the time, since I was distracted by being utterly devastated and my mind was clouded with pain i didn't realize what this could mean, after all my dad had many many friends, but still i thought it was a little weird since we talked to my dad frequently on the phone and he never told us about these randos.

After the funeral, since we still needed to do more legal stuff and wanted to save to give him a proper grave/tombstone we decided to stay and live at my dad’s house (now ours by law) for a few weeks until we took care of everything. and this is where the nightmare starts.

We asked these "friends” of his when they would leave and go back to their place and they never gave us a clear answer, they were very evasive and never told us why they didn't want to go to their own home... and you know why? because they didn't have one. They were squatters. Here they are called “invaders” and you can read in these news articles (x) how they act (x), in our case these squatters were non violent but they did make our lives hell, because since we couldn't get them out we had to live with them or we would have lost our dad’s house and everything inside. 

In this stupid country if the squatters got into your home in a non violent way, you can't just force them to get out. Yes, you read that right. That is why we didn't went to the police, we knew they weren't going to do anything, they only do something if you have money, have contacts in the police, or a bunch of people make a fuss and attract media attention. 

The only thing we could do legally was go to la Fiscalía (I don't know what's the equivalent in English the persecution I think?) and file a complaint and some other paperwork, all that legal process can take years and meanwhile, the squatters can live there as they please and you can’t get inside your home again or get your things out...God...as you can imagine that was definitely not an option. 

After much thought we decided to sacrifice some of the money we had and got a lawyer for advice in what to do, and she said that while she searched for another legal way to get them out asap, we had to live in the house and don't ever leave it unoccupied, always my brother or I had to be there, because otherwise the squatters could change the locks and then there would not be anything we could do to get back in. I didn't want to do that but we had no other choice. Nothing could have prepared us to the things we would have to endure there.

Here are some the horrible things they did while we were living there:

They rearranged everything inside the house. We just lost our dad and I couldn't even keep the memory of how his house was decorated and how his things looked the way he had them. they moved around every little thing. it stills hurts, they had not right. 

They STOLE many things of my dad. They were only old things with very little value, but to me, their sentimental value was incalculable. like for example imagine that favorite chipped coffee mug your mom loves, or your grandpa reading glasses, or that comfy cardigan your granny likes to use when knitting, now imagine that a random stranger took them without permission and is using them as they please, worse because your loved one is no longer here and that is the only thing you had left of them. Now you have an idea of how sad and indignant i felt.

They never wore masks or didn't even wash their hands, they didn't care they were putting us all at risk with their lack of hygienic measures, in fact mocked us because we were super clean and wore masks when they were near us.

The woman pretended to have a serious medical condition and would threaten to report us for attempted murder  if we spoke to her in any way that she wouldn't like because getting “upset” triggered her “condition”. Which is ironic since I’m the one with a heart condition and she could have jeopardize my health with all the stress she and her husband were subjecting me everyday. 

They turned all the neighbors against us! that evil woman would pretend to have “fits” of “her disease” right on the street were the neighbors would witness it to gain sympathy and later tell them that we caused her that, they believed her and everyone on our street hated us, and even all of them signed a bullshit letter to have us evicted from our own house and to let them keep the house. Good thing that wasn't legal and the government office ignored that ridiculous letter.

They used everything inside the house without permission, like our refrigerator, the kitchen appliances, the washing machine, the stereo, our water and food, our frigging clean bed sheets, it was like that was their home and WE were the intruders. that made me so so mad. 

They psychologically tormented us. They took advantage of our emotionally fragile state to do and say things to get us so upset so we would leave the house for good. And they almost got it, my mental health was a mess, grieving and dealing with this was too much but our mom convinced us to stay, she said our dad wouldn't have wanted us to lose our house to these damn thieves.

and speaking of theft...they even tried to steal OUR DOG. The kid one day said “this is now my dog! our new dog, my mom said so!” and i was like wHAT NO! but i just said something like “but we love him we’ll be very sad and lonely if he's not by our side” bc i didn't want to upset the kid. She was very sweet and innocent, she and I actually got along well and played sometimes (she gave me drawings that i still have and i gave her some paper crafts and my childhood toys) it was not her fault that her parents were evil. That horrible man wasn't even her father, he treated her bad, god I hated how he yelled at her and made her cry she was just a little child, i wish i could have had the power to do something.

At this point you must be thinking, why the hell were you acting like a doormat?? why did you allowed them to treat you like this!! why didn't you do something!? oh believe me I was very vocal in my discontent and didn't give them an inch, but the thing is there was little we could do, if we tried to talk to them they ignored us at best, police were not going to help (we at one point did end up going to the police station just to get told what we already knew: that they couldn't do anything), and even when one day i snapped and i told them to leave us alone and not touch our things, they just brushed me off. They knew if things escalated and violence of any kind were used against them we could be in legal trouble (same applied to them, that's why they never physically attacked us). We were alone in this battle, didn't have the support of anyone. What else we could do? our hands were tied. 

We had to endure all this shit non stopping every day we were there. I was saving all my limited phone data for important things like calls and messages to my mom and my lawyer, so my only source of entertainment was the cable TV, I can't believe that what kept me sane was watching old reruns of Cupcake Wars and home improvement shows.

But the more time passed the more this situation was unbearable and we were not doing well, this distressed my mom so much that she decided to pack a small suitcase and go stay there with us, we didn't want her to do that because she is an elderly woman and her health could be at risk but she didn't care and just show up one evening and let me tell you, after months of not seeing her when she walked through that door i was so happy and relieved and emotional that i started crying two seconds flat and we just hug her for a long time. Damn these people for causing us to be apart when we needed our mom the most.

Now with our mom there I think they felt threatened and so those pathetic fools went so far as to make a false document where it said that they were “our tenants” so they could be protected by law and could stay there “legally” for at least a year or two. That stupid stunt would be their downfall. 

We were cited to go to a govt office that deals with rent and housing problems where they were going to present that bogus document, the office needed for all parts to be present there, so my bro, our lawyer and I got there and later the squatters and their kid since they were using the scarce public transport. My mom stayed back at the house alone. I don't know if it was luck or divine intervention (or karma in their case)  that the woman in charge couldn't make it and the audience got postponed for the following month, our lawyer was fuming she didn't want those horrible people to spend another whole month at our house, she called my mom and told her to lock all doors and don't let anyone in, we quickly got into the lawyer’s car and got to the house first before the squatters and we put a huge padlock on the door! That way they wouldn't be able to get in, they only had keys (that were originally our spare keys that they stole) to the front door.

I can't even begin to describe how nerve wracking was all this, but for the first time i felt hopeful because finally things were in our favor, now if those squatters tried to get inside of our private property by force they could get in serious trouble. How the turntables bitch!

And that's how we could GET THEM OUT AT LAST. 

When they realized they couldn't do anything more than pace furiously on the sidewalk they left (the woman tried having one of her “fits” to get people’s attention but since it started to rain she quickly gave up ha!). We thought they were going to stay in any of the neighbor's houses but they left to who knows where. A few days later we changed the locks and we got our uncle to go stay and live in the house while we finish sorting the legal papers. The only thing i felt sorry was for the kid but we later learned that the squatters found another house to take over the very same day we locked them out, so i know at least that poor little girl is not sleeping on the streets. I feel sad every time i think of her, this is not how a child should be living bc of her deplorable parents. i wish i could have had the chance to say goodbye to her in better terms.

I still can't believe all this happened to us when all we wanted was to get through grieving our dad and give him a better grave with some flowers. Hopefully we can finally finish saving and get that done now that we don't have to stress 24/7 over people wanting to make our lives hell.

I would have liked for this insanely horrible experience to end with them receiving punishment for what the did to us, but by this country standards when dealing with this kind of situation we were very lucky, this was the best outcome many people has told us, and honestly I'm just happy that it's over and I'm back at my home with my family and I’m sleeping on my own bed again.

Last but not least I want to thank everyone that took the time during these months to send me their lovely messages and their condolences, and were very supportive and understanding of my situation, although now is when I'm able to read them, they have made me very happy thank you so much for all your kindness.

and now to end on a high note here's Tomy our sweet dog, that belong to us and we get to keep because he’s ours :)

#personal #since i got here all i have been doing is sleep i feel so tired i guess that's how my body is dealing with the aftermath of all this

[meta-squash]

Brick Club 1.5.13 “Solution of Some Questions of The Municipal Police”

Oh man. This one got long.

The spectacle continues. Fantine and Javert do not walk to the precinct alone; they’re followed by all the jeering spectators that were watching the fight. They are still yelling, laughing, genuinely finding amusement in Fantine’s humiliation. Fantine has returned to the mechanical lack of self she had before the fight. In the course of this chapter we’ll see her continuously oscillate between outbursts of presence and self-assertive distress, and moments of frightened distance and emotional shut-down.

“Curiosity is gluttony. To see is to devour.” Hugo keeps reiterating this. One of the worst things, aside from being an actual antagonist, aside from being an actual actor in the ruin of a person, is to be a bystander, a rubbernecker. There are no innocent bystanders, and by standing there, watching, finding glee and entertainment in the suffering of others, you are part of the problem. Curiosity is good, when it’s curiosity in pursuit of a solution or an answer in order to help someone. Curiosity is bad when the interest is purely voyeuristic. (I want to know why Hugo decided to use “to see” (voir) rather than “to watch” (regarder) in this sentence.)

Hugo’s discussion of the relationship between sex workers and cops is so sharp. The police have complete control over what happens to sex workers, who they choose to let go and who they bring in, how they are punished and for how long. I imagine, in cases that don’t include Javert, there’s a lot of “I won’t detain you if you sleep with me etc” type behavior from other cops. (Perhaps this is why Javert is so scary; he can’t be bribed or convinced and doesn’t use his status as leverage like that.) The police can “confiscate at will those two sad things they call their industry and their liberty.” This line just gets to me. The only thing people as poor as Fantine feel they have left is their way of making a living, and their freedom to be alive. Everything is else is on loan or in debt. And the cops can take those last two things at any moment. Not only that, but their industry and their liberty are both intrinsically connected to their bodies. Their industry isn’t something they can leave at the end of the day; they are always existing within the body that is also the main component of their livelihood.

I don’t know enough about legal proceedings of the era, but Javert is judge and jury here, condemning Fantine all by himself to six months in prison. On the other hand, Valjean (and Champmathieu) must go to court at Arras in order to be sentenced. Is this Hugo doing his Artistic Liberties handwavy thing, or could this have actually been done? It seems odd that some people could be sentenced by a random policeman and others have to go to court in front of a jury.

“It was one of those moments in which he exercised without restraint, but with all the scruples of a strict conscience, his formidable discretionary power.” Javert is extremely aware of his role in all of this. What’s fascinating to me about Javert is that he isn’t going around convicting people willy nilly, randomly making up crimes and things to fit a quota the way cops do in present day. With Fantine (and later, with Valjean, and even with the Thenardiers) he sits and he considers and he thinks about what he’s witnessed until he’s sure he’s seen a crime. The problem is, his morals and opinions are so rigid and unchanging that he could probably find crime almost anywhere, because he’s completely inflexible about what things are good or bad. Also, this arrest of Fantine is apparently a “great” (grande, as in big) thing, which I find interesting. Prostitution is essentially legal, so perhaps for him it’s a big thing because he finally has a reason to arrest someone whose legal profession he morally disagrees with? Or perhaps Fantine isn’t registered while most others are? Or maybe it’s big because it’s not just an arrest of a sex worker, but of a sex worker who has committed violence against a well-to-do gentleman? I don’t know.

“He was conducting a trial.” Nearly every time Hugo uses this phrase, when an individual character is conducting a trial of someone or something else, the resulting judgement is incorrect or too extreme. This happened with Valjean’s trial against religion, Javert is doing it here and will do it again at the end of the novel, Marius sort of does it to Valjean after the wedding. Each time a person’s worth is judged by a single person, the judgement falls short.

Fantine is terrified of prison, but part of her fear isn’t prison itself, but the wages. She’s more worried about the welfare of Cosette than herself. This makes sense to me. To her, prison itself probably doesn’t feel like it would be too much more miserable than her current state. The only increase in her misery would be her worry for Cosette and her inability to pay for her daughter’s care.

“Without getting to her feet, she dragged herself along the floor, dirtied by the muddy feet of all these men, clasping her hands, on her knees.” What an intense image. This is the condition of poor women: forced to beg for mercy from men who have power over them, while crawling through all the problems caused by those men’s uncaring and manipulative actions, dirtied by the utter lack of assistance from anyone with the actual power to help, and scoffed at when they clasp their hands and kiss the coattails of their oppressors.

Fantine’s monologue to Javert makes me so sad because she goes back and forth between “I did nothing wrong” and “maybe I was wrong to react the way I did,” when her reaction was so completely right. She asks, “Do they have the right to throw snow down our backs when we are going along quietly without harming anybody?” and I feel as though, in Javert’s eyes, they kind of do, because he disapproves of her profession in the first place. Fantine also brings up her illness here and in her other monologues, never as an excuse or even as an attempt to elicit pity, simply as an explanation. She also says “I wasn’t immodest with him, I didn’t speak with him. That was when he put the snow on me.” She literally tells Javert that she wasn’t trying to engage with Bamatabois in any way, that she was completely ignoring him even as he tried to incite her. The last chapter doesn’t mention how long he was mocking her for, only that her pacing brought her back to his spot “every five minutes,” which means he must have been out there harassing her for quite some time before he shoved snow down her back and she snapped. And yet, here she talks herself in a circle, suddenly turning around and saying “Perhaps I was wrong to get mad.” It’s just so sad that she’s completely in the right and yet she doubts even that.

And Javert doesn’t hear a word of her explanation or her pleas. She realizes this, and instead tries to use Cosette. But this isn’t her using Cosette to save herself, this is using Cosette to save Cosette. She realizes that if she goes to prison she won’t be able to pay for Cosette. She tries to use her “poor starved child,” tries to ask for pity for Cosette. If Javert won’t pity her, a sex worker, maybe he’ll pity her as the mother of a little girl. But considering Javert’s childhood, he probably sees Cosette as equally as bad as her mother, because she’s the child of a prostitute, born out of wedlock, living in poverty with some random innkeepers two hundred miles away.

“I’m not a bad woman at heart. It’s not laziness and greed that have brought me to this; I’ve drunk brandy but it was from misery.” God, this line. I don’t even know who would think something like greed or laziness (but especially greed) could bring someone into this line of work. Maybe if she was, like, a well-known professional sex worker in a Paris brothel she could make good money, but as a random woman walking the streets in a garrisoned town? She clearly makes practically nothing. And poverty like this isn’t lazy at all. Every second not spent sleeping is spent trying to make money, worrying about being able to pay rent or debts or to find food or some way to keep warm or whatever. I hate that even today people still think poverty comes from laziness.

“Great grief is a divine and terrible thing that transfigures the wretched. At that instant Fantine had again become beautiful.” I don’t really know what to do with this line. It feels like a weird fetishization of poverty and suffering?

“She would have softened a heart of granite; but you cannot soften a heart of wood.” Why can’t you soften a heart of wood? Because wood only rots when it gets soft. I do find it interesting that Hugo calls Javert’s heart wooden, but uses statue imagery for him for the rest of the chapter.

Javert declaring that "The Eternal Father in person couldn’t help you now” is a heavy line. The law is above even god here. If god appeared right now and told him to free Fantine, Javert is saying he wouldn’t do it. A page later we see him reluctantly stand down to Valjean, which negates this statement, but it’s interesting that at this instant, he says wouldn’t even be moved to mercy by god. And it’s true, he’s not moved to mercy, ever. At no point is it ever his decision to let Fantine go. He does not bow to pleas for mercy, but he will bow to authority, even if he questioned it a moment before.

Valjean enters without being noticed and watches the exchange. I feel like this is a weird reversal of Hugo’s “to see is to devour” from earlier in the chapter. Valjean is watching, but not out of voyeuristic curiosity. He intends to actually act, to do something about what has happened and help someone who needs help.

Throughout the last few chapters, Fantine has grown rougher with each loss. Her speech and personality has changed, she drinks, she is louder, less polite, and more childish. She’s lost her “modesty” and with that any pretense. There’s no more masking. She’s not trying to fit in, because that’s not happening anymore.

Somehow I’ve glossed over this line each time I’ve read the book, but when Fantine spits in Madeleine’s face, Hugo seems to imply that it reminds Javert of his suspicions re: Madeleine’s true identity. Javert sees this action and makes the connection between convict-Valjean and Fantine, and instead of seeing the sacrilege of a prostitute spitting on a mayor, for a moment he sees an interaction between two outlaws of society: a convict and a prostitute.

I’ve noticed that Fantine talks to herself in reaction to being freed in the same way that Valjean talked to himself when Myriel was first kind to him/when the bishop told the gendarmes to set him free, and the same way Eponine talks to herself. There’s a marked difference between moments when characters “talk to themselves” but it’s obvious that it’s a narrative mechanic of them thinking in their heads, and when they actually talk to themselves while other people are present. For Fantine and Valjean, it’s in moments when they are in great emotional shock/distress that they speak aloud to themselves while other people are present. (I’m not sure what to make of that in terms of Eponine, who always seems to be speaking mostly to herself.)

Fantine starts out this monologue talking to herself, but then she turns it into talking to Javert. It’s interesting that her utter rejection of Valjean means that she’s actually turning to Javert to speak, despite being absolutely terrified of him only moments ago.

Fantine announces that she’s not afraid of Valjean. Of course she’s not; in her eyes he’s done everything to her that he can. He has caused all her suffering and doesn’t have the power to cause anything more. She’s still afraid of Javert because he still has the power to hurt and ruin her. He can fine her or send her to prison, and condemn her for as long as he likes. She doesn’t know anything about Valjean, except that she assumes he doesn’t care. What she knows about Javert is that he does care, only that care is on the side of punishment, not one of mercy. It’s interesting then that she continues to try and appeal to his better nature (one which he does not possess) or to his pity (which he also does not possess). She also continues to try and convince herself that it is Javert who has decided to let her go, not Madeleine. It’s almost as though she thinks that if she can convince herself that he’s the one letting her go, she can also convince him to actually do it.

Fantine’s monologues keep coming back to wages. She specifically criticizes the way that the prison contractors do wrong to poor people by paying them so little for so much labor. Her discussion of her own expenses is also still applicable to modern day. She still owes money to the Thenardiers, but she’s up to date on her rent. This is still the experience of the poor: you deal with more immediate expenses first, and debts come second, even as they continue to rack up.

Both Fantine and Javert are thrown off balance by Madeleine’s declaration. Fantine spends her entire monologue before attempting to leave trying convince herself that it is Javert that has let her go. It is only when she hears Madeleine confirm that he was the one who declared it that she is thrown off-kilter, having to reconcile her opinion of Madeleine with his (perceived) actions. Javert is thrown by someone in an authority position acting the way that Madeleine is; this is the first time we see him actually question authority and refuse to act on an order.

“...that order, law, morality, government, society itself, were personified in him, Javert?” This is the only time, I think, where Hugo implies that a character is consciously becoming a Symbol. The fact that Hugo even suggests the potential for Javert to see himself as the embodiment of law, morality, society, etc is unique, because no other character sees themselves as the embodiment of such big concepts. The closest might be Valjean seeing himself as a Bad Person Forever, but even that is a much smaller concept, in that Valjean is looking at his past self, not at himself as the entire concept of Criminals Everywhere. But Hugo only gives two choices when it comes to Javert: either he is questioning authority for the first time in his life, or he is consciously becoming a Symbol. It turns out to be the former, but both of these things are really extremely significant.To become a conscious symbol, or even to have the potential of becoming a conscious symbol, is a unique level of conceptual engagement for a character, almost like starting to break the fourth wall. And questioning authority is a First for Javert here, significant because it starts the ball rolling and he continues to question Madeleine’s authority from here on out, even if it’s only to himself and not to his face.

“The insult does not belong to him, but to justice.” Okay so Hapgood translates this line a little differently, but WOW I love this FMA version a lot. Just the idea that something as small as an insult doesn’t even get to belong to the person it was directed at, but instead can be entirely claimed by the law. Now, I know that this line is supposed to mean that Fantine’s insult to Madeleine was by default also an insult to justice due to Madeleine’s authority position, but I always read it as the law taking this insult for its own use. Like, “This societal outcast insulted someone, so now we can arrest her, because any sort of social indiscretion from someone like that belongs to the law” or “this insult, because it was made in the presence of police by someone in custody, now belongs to the law rather than her or her target.” (It also reminds me of modern day cops, who arrest or threaten to arrest people simply for hurting their little baby feelings despite doing nothing illegal.)

Fantine goes through a parallel struggle to Valjean here. The man she hated so much (Madeleine) was her savior, just as the religion Valjean doubted and hated had been his. I mean, literally they have the same “two paths, one of light and one of darkness” symbolism, the same angel/demon symbolism, the same conflict about whether or not they must change their whole soul and beliefs, the same absolute terror, and then the final feeling of hope and gratitude. She kneels in front of Valjean the same way Valjean knelt in front of Myriel’s door.

This is also the first time we see Valjean’s benevolence in speech, action, and monetary terms. He rescued Fauchelevent, but we don’t seem him speak to Fauchelevent after that despite the purchase of his horse and cart and getting him a new job. We never see him speak to anyone else that he helps, especially since his usual mode is Reverse Robbery (thank you Mellow for that term btw) rather than in-person benevolence. But we do get him not only rescuing Fantine from prison, but speaking to her, offering her monetary help, offering her pretty much any assistance towards happiness. I wonder if the difference between Valjean’s interaction here with Fantine, and his interaction with Fauchelevent or any other person he gives money to or helps, is that this is the first instance that he feels guilty or personally responsible. Every other act of charity, including Fauchelevent is just that, selfless charity just because. But this, Fantine, is Valjean righting a wrong that has been done. Even though it was without his knowledge, he still seems to feel responsible.

Once again, we have a moment of hope for Fantine that is immediately dashed. Fantine is free, she’s going to get her daughter back, she can leave her miserable life for something better, her debts will be paid, she can be happy. Only she faints, and she spends the rest of her time in hospital until her death.

#les miserables #les miserables meta #brickclub #lm 1.5.13 #les mis #les mis meta

[adventuringsidhe]

A Discovery of Witches Season 2 - I Have Issues With This Season!

Before anyone gets defensive, I do like this show. It’s not my favourite TV show, but I’ve been very reserved in liking a show too much after Game of Thrones. Seriously, that show ruined my way of enjoying a show forever. The last two season, whatever you felt about GOT, in terms of storytelling, it was a disaster and decisions made within it were stupid and non-sensical. But I digress (even thinking about it makes me irritated). 

A Discovery of Witches Season 2 was a long, drawn out bore fest. If I’m to sum it up, that is how it felt. There is one thing that really bothered me more than anything by the last episode and this may seem trivial but it made me dislike the main characters (which I was struggling to like throughout this whole season anyway).

Jack.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, in season two, Diana brings a little orphan boy into her and Matthew’s tudor home, feed him and gives him a place to stay. They then go on throughout the entire season to allowing him to grow attached like family to them (we’re talking months here if not over a year). Give him education, reading, and caring for him at night when he has night terrors etc. Basically adopting him. So, why am I so bothered? Well, by the end of the season, Diana is pregnant, and their going back to the present. So they just say their goodbyes to Jack and leave.

That pissed me off so badly I can’t reconcile with them as characters. It was obvious he had grown attached to them, bonded, and basically like family, even mother and father to him, only for him to be left behind by them. I think that is pretty shitty no matter how you look at it. Whether intentional or not, they brought him into their home and treated him like their own child, but then at the last moment because they’ve to come back into the present era, they leave him. I don’t know, but I just found that whole story line a little shitty. Jack had no family and was living on the streets, stealing because he was hungry, only for this couple to give him a home and only later abandon him again. Shitty.

It honestly reminded me of that Youtube couple who adopted a child that had needs, only to ‘return’ him a while later because they couldn’t cope with him, while giving a sob story and a few tears.

I was struggling to like Matthew throughout this whole season, he acted really shitty towards Diana, which bothered me so much, and it was all played down as ‘protecting her’. Bsht. ‘But look how good he was with Jack?’ Yeah, that was the only good thing about him this season, and then made worse by his easy disconnection when they had to leave by the end of it.

I know some fans will disagree with me and excuse this behaviour because their from the future and Jack is from Tudor times, so blah blah reasons. I get it, you love these characters, but I just didn’t this season, and major flaws in their ‘good’ persona broke through which just weren’t nice at all.

So yeah, I didn’t appreciate them taking in an orphan and making him feel like family, only to abandon him at the last moment because you got to return to the future and you’re pregnant. Kinda shitty in my opinion.

Matthew - Blood Rage.

Never mentioned in the first season, and honestly - it was such a lame thing. Another vampire series where you never see the vampire’s teeth. This is getting boring and kind of childish. A series that has magic, blood, violence, sexual moments, doesn’t have vampire teeth? Boring. Sorry not sorry. The vampires in this world are boring, not scary, not even interesting. Matthew is made out to be a good vampire, who restrains himself, blah blah crap, but honestly - I have more connection to Lestat, Lois, Claudia, Blade, Stefan, Eric, Pam even Bill (William Compton) etc. Matthew though? No, he just wasn’t as good this season. They tried to make him have a ‘issue’ because of the time, etc, but I just thought he was a bit of an dick. Blood rage also was a poor excuse and given a modern plot too, with some character had blood rage, along with Marcus. Anyway, I just didn’t like him this season or the whole ‘blood rage’ excuse.

Diana.

Look, I appreciated the whole ‘’They’re not teenagers’’ thing when it came to this show, same with True Blood. I hate teenage romances or that follow teenagers around as if they have more years of experience than a 30 something. I appreciate the change of audience, the maturity, the complexity, the lived in past, all those things that come with older characters that I can relate too so much more than a teenager. Which is why I like vampire shows like True Blood, movies like Interview with the Vampire, Blade, Vampire Hunter D etc. They are fantastic, deeply complex characters with amazing stories.

Diana though...meh. I was so into the magic thing in the first season, what drew me to it, not the vampires (lost interest once I knew I wouldn’t see the teeth). However, this season, I’m so over the ‘’must protect Diana’’ thing, I just found myself nodding off in parts. She’s treated like a sacred divine being, and the only one of her kind. Those ‘’chosen one’’ stories can be intriguing in some cases like Harry Potter, who, grew over time and had complex emotions about it, and he did suffer immensely for being the ‘’one’’. Diana however, this season - is a bit of a bitch. A know it all. A little too smug. 

I’m also tired of the whole ‘’rich vampire who played a role in major historical things’’. The rich vampire who can give you the world is a nice thought, but I don’t like it all that much, it just makes it harder to buy into the whole secrecy, living in the shadows stuff. It seems everyone in Tudor times knows about Vampire, Witches and Daemons, so...a bit weird honestly.

Diana getting pregnant I knew was coming, as its apparently in the books too (not into the books, sorry). But, it’s another cliché like Twilight. Honestly, this is very similar to Twilight but their older. Yeah. And Diana has magic and apparently the most powerful being on the planet. I get that their these incredibly intertwined lovers who were destined for each other across time and space, which is all nice and everything, but Jesus....is their no one else or anything else important to them at all? I also thought it was cheap as f**k bringing Diana’s dad in at the last moment, as this emotional weight, which just didn’t do it for me at all. It’s really sad to say this but I lost all connection to Diana this season, and to their love story. It fizzled out faster than my lemonade when I leave it to sit in a warm spot.

The Other Characters

Their really wasn’t that much time with them at all to bond with. Marcus’s relationship with the auctioneer woman? That escalated quickly. Seriously, one moment their having a one night stand, to the next, he tells her all the secrets of his world and bringing her to France and meeting Ysabeau. Is he planning on staying with her forever now? Like what is going on there? No interest.

I wanted to know more about this baby born of Daemons but damn they left it so late and gave so little time and by the end it’s hard to care about everything. These stories really need to stop trying to add multiple characters and stories into a just one story. Just make one story. Not several packed into a main one. Flesh it out better, slower with other characters. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love the aesthetic of this world, the design, the beauty of it. Even the magic is interesting, to a point, if a little simple for my taste. I do appreciate what they’re trying to do, but once again the stories fall flat, the characters become distant to the audience (talking of myself, maybe others don’t feel that way), and not relatable at all. This is fantasy, and we can’t related in many ways, but their lives, choices and feelings do make it relatable. I remember watching Interview with the Vampire and seeing how much consequences Lois’ choices caused him, it was devastating because you knew Lois had to make a choice which wasn’t always right and it burdened him immensely. Even as bad as the last few seasons of True Blood were, their were heavy, heavy consequences on all the characters for everything that had happened throughout the show and all the years.

This show just felt very Twilight by this second season, and as much as Twilight is okay back in the day, now it feels outdated in terms of relationships, intimacy, toxicity, danger, and other things important to us in terms of love, romance, family and friendship. 

Another tv show I’ve been disappointed in unfortunately, like Game of Thrones, Outlander (even though the standard is still there, the story has gone off too far not for me to hold interest anymore), are but a few that I was really into and then slowly they veered off course and so did my love for them. Same with A Discovery of Witches, which is only in its 2nd season but already it feels flat.

Anyway, rant over lol! Only my opinion, you can love it or not, just a random opinion on a personal tumblr page.

#a discovery of witches #vampires #witches #all souls series

[kathyprior4200]

Exterminate, Exterminate!

The dark creepy robotic angels of death are used to exterminate the citizens of Hell to not only reduce their population, but to also plant fear. They have silver weapons that can kill any demon, as well as humans. They were made creepy on purpose: to fight fear with fear. They are sent down once a year to purge the citizens at random.

The exterminators were divided into several groups: the Exterminators, the Death Dealer Archangels and the mechanical angels.

Some of the dark angels used to be regular deceased people who couldn’t make it to heaven, but weren’t evil enough for hell. They had done bad things in life but with good intentions (like stealing money for the poor or killing criminals). When they did make it after many years in limbo, they disobeyed orders and took advantage of their freedom. (There was plenty of food and riches in heaven, and they kept much of it for themselves). They fell from heaven and were sent to Earth and eventually, hell when they didn’t learn their lessons.

After they worked hard to redeem themselves in hell, they were sent back up to heaven. To prove their worth, their leaders gave them a test and mission. They were given special spear weapons made of silver, forged from the flames of the sun that could kill any demon and erase any soul. They were sent down to hell once a year to reduce hell’s population by purging citizens once a year.

The only way to be freed from their duties was for them to realize that even killing sinners isn’t right. That everyone should be given a second chance. They had disobeyed God, fell to Earth, then proved their innocence through prayer and being nice (or at least tolerant) to the demons. Giving them special weapons and a direct order was a way to test them: would they choose for themselves what is right, or be willing to obey their master even if what they were doing was considered “evil?” After all, when people and the divine alike possess power, they can become very different individuals.

 Regarding the second group (Known casually as Death Dealer Archangels), other more experienced exterminators were actually archangels, leaders of other angels. Unlike regular angels, they were able to take on the appearance of black bird-like creatures with wings while wearing LED masks to scare off demons. Their jobs were to punish sinners and plan the purges each year. Puriel, Kushiel, Teneluehus, Raguel, Wormwood, Jeheel, Zacheniel, Ababhar, and their leader, Abaddon were the oldest and most experienced at their jobs. In fact, each one of them led attacks of choir exterminators onto one of the nine circles of hell.

 For the third group, there were a few dark angels that were purely robotic. These were mostly used for tests and replacements if the dark angels couldn’t participate in the purge.

 Heaven viewed Lucifer and the larger hell population as a threat, as Lucifer had waged a previous war against them. To prevent the threat, the exterminator dark angels were hired/created.

 There may be several reasons why Lucifer is against the idea of Charlie redeeming sinners and creating the Happy Hotel:

1.   It is part of their family’s legacy to make demons suffer and keep them in line. Creating a Happy Hotel would make the royal family appear weak to their rivals.

2.   If Charlie were to redeem demons, she might be given the opportunity to go to heaven. If that were the case, her father would never see her again.

3.   Lucifer has a deep grudge against God, the angels and archangels for being banished and for mortals being favored over him and the angels.

4.   Lucifer is overprotective of his daughter and worries that she will be harmed if the angels (or other demon overlords) find her. He doesn’t want her to draw too much attention. He calls her a failure because he doesn’t know how else to persuade her not to pursue her dream due to his worries of the previous listed scenarios.

5.   Lucifer worries that Charlie will find out that he was once an angel who punished and killed demons. The thought of her father previously killing “her people” would be too much to bear.

Vaggie remains in possession of a harpoon that can kill demons. The X over her eye is on her left eye, rather than her right, like the exterminators. Unlike many demons, Vaggie values respect and virtues. Perhaps there's an underlying reason why she has these traits?

After Vagatha died in 2014, she became an exterminator, neither good nor evil. Due to her doing evil actions with good intentions, she was put to the test and sent to purge demons every year.

But a certain demon princess caught her attention...the one demon she would not slay. For the two had fallen in love...but love comes with great costs.

But some people are willing to take the fall and brave exile, in the name of genuine feelings for a fellow friend.

  Vaggie, the lesbian moth demon, is Charlie’s best friend and the manager of the Happy Hotel. She is also Charlie’s current girlfriend. She arrived in Hell in 2014 and can speak Spanish. Vaggie has a strong hatred toward men, especially when they attempt to insult Charlie.

 Not much is known about her previous human life, but it’s implied that she likes punk rock music, and Latino music.

 This theory has been brought up before by fans. What if there’s more to Vaggie than meets the eye? If she’s a demon in Hell, why, then, would she have been an angel in the past (or have the potential to be one?)

  How did this theory come about? From similarities between Vaggie’s appearance and the looks of the exterminator angels, sent down to purge the citizens of Hell every year.

 First, there is the characteristic pink X over Vaggie’s left eye. One of the Exterminators seen in the trailer had an X over their left eye as well. A picture of an angel’s face also showed an X in place of one of their eyes.

 Second is Vaggie’s expertise with weapons, specifically the harpoon. Throughout the episode, she is shown holding a spear-like weapon that is capable of killing demons. The Exterminators use these weapons to “cleanse” or kill off the demons to keep the population at a set amount. Sometimes, these weapons are discarded, and are found by other demons to sell on the black market. In the opening introduction, white figures of the angels are shown holding spears similar to the harpoon Vaggie holds; a long weapon with a sharp curved blade at the top.

 It is also worth mentioning that when Vaggie warns Angel Dust about Alastor, her pink bow briefly takes on the shape of horns. The Exterminators themselves also have horns on their heads.

 But perhaps the most convincing point to this speculative theory is not Vaggie’s similar physical traits to the Exterminators. Perhaps it is her personality.

 Based on the wiki, Vaggie is described as “prudent and sensible,” more so than the other characters. She is often seen trying to keep Charlie out of trouble and making sure the hotel stays up and running. One example is when she tells Charlie to stay on topic during her interview and not to sing (though she doesn’t listen.) When a cameraman calls Charlie a “stupid bitch,” Vaggie punches him off a chair.

 Possessing a fiery temper, she confronts Angel Dust after his participation in the turf war against Sir Pentious. She is furious that Angel ruined Charlie’s reputation and that of the hotel. Though Charlie said he was “clean” for two weeks while spending time at the hotel, Angel then decided to resort to violence and drugs.

 Despite Alastor being powerful and intimidating, Vaggie doesn’t hesitate to point her weapon at him, while they’re at the hotel. He warns him not to harm Charlie and even insults him.

  The wiki also mentions that Vaggie has a wide knowledge about Hell, despite having been sent only recently. She knows about the Overlords and how dangerous Alastor is.

 Additionally, Vaggie cannot fly like the angels can but that doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t be a possibility in her full demon form (which has not been revealed as of yet.)

 How does this relate back to the Exterminators?

 While not much is known about these dark angels sent to Hell, it is assumed that they came from Heaven (or were once part of it). They would hold up certain standards and values such as obeying rules, not participating in sinful acts (despite the irony of them killing demons) among others.

 Vaggie is distrustful of sinners and of men, especially. Unlike many carefree demons, she is practical and protective of those she cares about. In one scene, Vaggie protests against allowing alcohol in the hotel, saying that the hotel “is a place that (should) discourage sin.”

 However, Vaggie still displays some so called “demonic” traits such as swearing and a fiery temper.

  The question is, how would Vaggie know about how Hell works so fast? How would she know how the overlords rise in power and information about Alastor’s rampages? Unless someone else told her about all of it, it wouldn’t be likely for her to know all the specific details so easily. It is assumed that only demons in higher positions of power would know about these dark politics.

But if no one told her about it, then how did she gain that knowledge on her own?

 Perhaps this will be explained in a future episode…

 Or, maybe Vaggie got this intelligence from a higher source of power, a group who knows the ins and outs of Hell to keep the overcrowded population from becoming a threat. You guessed it…the Exterminators and the inhabitants of Heaven.

  Vaggie may have been an Exterminator in the past, just after her death. She may have died from suicide or homicide. In her human life, Vaggie may have wanted to get justice on abusers and evil individuals…but went about it in the wrong way (violence or murder). Thus, she didn’t go to Heaven but not to Hell yet. She was tested and briefly became an Exterminator, to cleanse evil “for the greater good.” (Exterminators may have been previous souls who were truly neutral or did bad things that they thought were the right things to do).  

 Vaggie soon became a fallen angel.

 How, then, was she sent down to Hell? Maybe she enjoyed killing sinners a little too much (or not enough to complete her tasks). Or, more likely, her temper tampered with her ability to focus. After all, even dark bringers of death have rules to follow. Fearing that Vaggie was a threat, they sent her down to Hell (burning off her wings) with only a weapon to defend herself.

 Now she faced the ultimate test…survival in her new afterlife. She did remember one part of her mission: to keep the demon/angel Charlie out of trouble…and help her with her destiny to redeem sinners, and themselves.

 For if Charlie convinces demons to be good, they might be redeemed and be sent to Heaven (or become Exterminators), thus reducing the population and making Hell less of a threat…

 Something that the king of Hell and the overlords would not approve of…

List of Angels and Demons in Theology:

From Oberon Zeil-Ravenheart’s “Grimoire for the apprentice wizard” (2004) Career Press

 Chioth Ha Qadesh – Supreme Order of Angels, led by Archangel Metatron (“Angel of the Presence”). Shekinah is his female counterpart. Associated with the infinite divine spirit of Kether.

Metatron is the link between God and humanity. The King of all the Angels and the youngest, he was once the Biblical Patriarch Enoch.

 Auphanim – (Whirling Forces), ruled by Archangel Ratziel (“delight of God”), the prince of hidden things who is called the Angel of Mysteries, holds a coded key to the secrets of the universe.

 Aralim – (Strong and Mighty Ones, made of white fire) Archangel is Tzaphqiel (“contemplation of God”), prince of spiritual strife against evil. Planet: Saturn

 Chasmalim – (Brilliant Ones, justice) Archangel Tzadkiel (“justice of God), prince of mercy and beneficence who guards the gates of the East Wind. Planet: Jupiter

 Seraphim – (Flaming Ones) Avenging Angels of Destruction. Ruled by Archangel Kamael, (“severity of God”), prince of strength and courage, bearing the flaming sword. Planet: Mars

 Malachim – Govern all natural laws and are responsible for the motions of the cosmos and heavenly bodies. Archangel is Raphael (“physician of God”) prince of healing. Planet: Sun

 Elohim – (Choir of Principalities) Archangel is Haniel (“grace of God”), prince of love and harmony, art and creativity. Hagiel (Aphrodite), female counterpart. Planet: Venus

 Beni Elohim – (Sons of the Gods/ Choir of Archangels) Archangel is Michael (“protector of God”) with Raphael as his lieutenant. Their province is art and knowledge. Planet: Mercury

 Cherubim – Guardian angels of humanity (“those who intercede”). Archangel is Gabriel (“strength of God”). It was he who appeared to Mary with the Annunciation and dictated the Koran to Mohammed. Planet: Moon

 Ishim – (Blessed Souls) lowest order of angels, assisting humanity directly, associated with mundane concerns, once living saints and prophets. Archangel is Sandalphon (twin of Metatron) Planet: Earth

 Angel Types:

Archangel (Christianity, Islam, Judaism) “chief angel”

 Bene Elohim “Sons of God”

 Chalkydri (Christianity, Judaism) = Carriers of the sun’s heat

 Cherub (Christianity, Judaism)

 Dominions (Christianity, Judaism)

 Grigori (Watchers) (Christianity, Judaism)

 Ishim (Judaism, Islam)

 Lamassu (Ancient Mesopotamian religion) = protection, constellations, female deities

 Mu’aqqibat (Islam)

 Powers (Christianity, Judaism)

 Principalities (Christianity, Judaism)

Seraph/Seraphim (Christianity, Islam, Judaism)

 Song-Uttering Choirs (Judaism)

 Thrones (Christianity, Judaism)

 Virtues (Christianity, Judaism)

   Angels of Death:

 Azrael

Dumah

Munkar

Nakir

Samael

 Fallen Angels:

 Azazel

Dumah

Harut

Iblis

Lucifer

 Marut

  Christian Hierarchy of Angels:

(Highest order)

Seraphim

Cherubim

Thrones

 (Middle order)

Dominions

Virtues

Powers

 (Lowest order)

Principalities

Archangels

Angels

  Names:

 Abaddon (Christianity, Judaism) = Destruction

 Abathar Muzania (Mandaeism) = The weighing of souls

 Aglibol (Ancient Cannaanite religion) = Angel of the god Baal Hadad

Ananiel (Christianity, Judaism) Archangel, “Rain of God”

 Arariel (Jewish mythology) = Waters of the Earth

 Ariel (Christianity, Islam) = Personification of Israel

 Artiya’il (Islam) = Removes human grief

 Azazel (Christianity, Islam, Judaism) = Archangel, fallen angel, teacher of evil arts, rebellion against God

 Azrael (Islam, Judaism) = Archangel, Angel of Death

 Barachiel (Christianity) = Archangel, lightning, Guardian angel chief “Blessed by God’

 Baraquiel (Jewish mythology) = Archangel

 Camael/Kemuel (Christianity, Judaism) = Archangel, Leader of the Powers, strength courage and war

 Cassiel (Christianity, Islam, Judaism) = Archangel, solitude and tears

 Daniel (Christianity, Judaism) = Watcher

 Dadrail (Islam, Yazdanism) = Archangel in Yazdanism

 Dumah (Islam, Judaism) = Angel of Death, silence, torments the wicked after death

 Eleleth (Sethianism)

 Eremiel/Jerahmeel (Christianity, Judaism) = guides the holy deceased in afterlife

 Gabriel (Christianity, Islam, Judaism) = Archangel, messengers, military, destruction “God is my strength”

 Gadreel (Christianity, Judaism)

 Hadraniel (Judaism, Gnosticism) = Second Heavenly Gate

 Hahasiah (Christianity, Judaism) = Principality

 Hanibal (Ancient Mesotopamian religion) = Angel of the god Baal Hadad

 Haniel (Christianity, Judaism) = Archangel, leader of Principalities along with Archangel Netzach

 Haziel

 Harut (Islam) = fallen angel, sorcery

 Hashmal (Christianity, Judaism) Dominions

 Hamalat al-Arsh (Islam)

 Hofniel (Judaism) = Archangel

 Iblis (Islam) = fallen angel, ruler of lower heavens, teacher of angels, leading angels into battle, (after the fall) tempter and commanding demons

 Imamiah (Christianity, Judaism) = Principality

 Israfil/Israfel (Islam) = Archangel, music

 Jegudiel (Christianity) = Archangel, responsibility and merciful love “Glorifier of God”

 Jehoel (Christianity, Judaism) = Seraph, fire

 Jequn (Christianity, Islam, Judaism)

 Jerahmeel (Christianity, Judaism) = Archangel “God’s Exaltation”

 Jophiel (Christianity, Judaism) = Archangel, wisdom, understanding and judgement

 Kalka’il (Islam) = fifth heaven

 Kepharel (Jewish mythology) = (Archangel)

 Kerubiel (Judaism)

 Kiraman Katibin (Islam) = recorder of human thoughts

 Kushiel (Christianity, Judaism) = punishment

 Lailah (Judaism) = night, conception

 Lucifer (Christianity) = Archangel or seraph, cherub, fallen angel, Bringer of Light, rebellion against God

Morning Star/Venus, wanted to surpass and be “Most High”

Bogomiliam: Lucifer fell from heaven and trapped souls from heaven inside matter which were later freed by Jesus

Jealous of God and humanity

Satan in Christianity

One of the four princes of Hell, ruler of the East and air in Satanic Bible

Morning star, intellectualism, fantasy, enlightenment in some versions

Neopagan: Lucifer as brother and consort to goddess Diana and father of Aradia. (Apollo?) “proud of his beauty and who for his pride was driven from Paradise.”

     Maalik (Islam) = hellfire

 Malakbel (Ancient Canaanite religion) angel of the god Baal Hadad, the sun

 Marut (Islam) = fallen angel, sorcery

 Melek Taus (Yazdanism) = Archangel

 Metatron (Judaism, Islam) = Archangel, seraph, The Celestial Scribe

 Michael (Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Mormonism, Yazdanism) = Archangel, seraph, military, Angel of Mercy, General in God’s army, Angel of Death “Who is like God”

 Moroni (Mormonism) = the Golden Plates

 Munkar (Islam) = Angel of Death, the Faith of the Dead

 Muriel (Christianity) = Dominions, June and Cancer in astrology

 Nakir (Islam) = Angel of Death, The Faith of the Dead

 Nanael (Christianity, Judaism) = Principality

 Netzach (Christianity, Judaism) = Archangel, leader of Principalities along with Haniel, eternity

 Nithael (Christianity, Judaism) = Principality

 Nuriel (Jewish mythology) = hailstorms

 Ophaniel/Ofaniel (Christianity, Judaism) = Cherubrim/Thrones

 Pahaliah (Christianity) = Thrones, Virtuosity

 Penemue (Christianity, Judaism)

 Phanuel (Christianity, Judaism) = Archangel, Repentance and Hope “Face of God”

 Poyel (Christianity, Judaism) = Principality

 Pravuli (Jewish mythology) = Archangel, God’s scribe

 Puriel (Judaism) = examines the souls of those brought to heaven

 Qaphsiel (Christianity, Judaism) = angel of tears, presides over the death of kings

 Radueriel (Jewish mythology) = can create lesser angels

 Raguel/Azrael (Christianity, Islam, Judaism) = Archangel, Angel of Justice “Friend of God”

 Ramuel (Christianity, Judaism) = Archangel, “Thunder of God”

 Raphael (Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Mormonism, Yazdansim) = Archangel, leader of the Virtues, cherubim, healing “God heals”

 Raziel (Judaism) = Archangel, Keeper of Secrets

 Remiel (Christianity, Judasim) = Archangel

Ridwan (Islam) Angel of Paradise

 Rikbiel (Christianity, Judaism) = cherubim

 Sachiel (Christianity, Judaism) = Archangel, cherub, Wealth and Charity

 Sahaquiel (Jewish mythology) = Archangel, guardian of the fourth heaven

 Sabriel (Jewish mythology) = Archangel, Miracles

 Samael (Christianity, Judaism) = Archangel, Angel of Death, fetching souls

 Samyaza (Judaism, Manichaeism) = Watcher

 Sandalphon (Christianity, Judaism, Islam) = Archangel, protector of unborn children

 Sarathiel (Christianity, Judaism) = Archangel, Discipline and Penance

 Sariel (Christianity, Judaism, Islam) = Archangel

 Sealtiel (Christianity, Judaism) = Archangel “Intercessor of God”

 Selaphiel (Christianity) = Archangel, patron saint of prayer and worship

 Seraphiel (Christianity, Islam) = seraph, protector of Metatron, highest ranking seraphim

 Shamnail (Yazdanism) = Archangel

 Shamsiel (Christianity, Judaism)

 Sidriel (Jewish mythology) = Archangel

 Suriel (Christianity, Judaism) = Archangel, “Prince of God”

 Temeluchus (Christianity, Judaism)

 Tennin (Japanese Buddhism)

 Turail (Yazdanism) = Archangel

 Uriel (Christianity, Judaism) = Archangel, seraphim, “God is my light” patron of arts

 Uziel (Judaism) = Archangel

 Vasiariah (Christianity, Judaism) = Dominions

 Vehuel (Christianity, Judaism) = Principality

 Wormwood (Christianity) = war

 Yarihibol (Ancient Canaanite religion) (angel of God Baal Hadad), springs

 Zachariel (Christianity) = Archangel

 Zadkiel (Christianity, Judaism) = Archangel, leader of the Dominions, "Righteousness of God” angel of freedom, benevolence and mercy and the Patron Angel of all who forgive

 Zaphkiel (Christianity) = Archangel, leader of the Thrones, “God’s Knowledge”

 Zedekiel (Christianity, Judaism) = Archangel, “Grace of God”

 Zephaniel (Judaism) = Archangel

 Zephon (Jewish mythology)

 Zophiel (Christianity, Judaism) = Cherubim

  List of Demons in Theology

 Archdemons seven deadly sins:

 Lucifer: Pride

Mammon: Greed

Asmodeus: Lust

Leviathan: Envy (sea monster)

Beelzebub: Gluttony (Lord of the Flies)

Satan: Wrath

Belphegor: Sloth (suggests ingenious inventions will make people rich)

 Demon Kings of the Ars Goetia

Amaymon (King of the East)

Corson (King of the West)

Ziminiar (King of the North)

Gaap (King of the South)

Bael (first king, power to make men invisible, teaching science,

Paimon (obedient to Lucifer, knowledge of past and future events)

Beleth

Purson

Asmodey

Vine

Balam

Beilal

Alastor (Greek spirit of vengeance)

Pazuzu

 Demons in Christianity:

Adrammelech

  Alastor (avenger of evil deeds, specifically familial bloodshed, byname of Zeus, also one of Hade’s black horses, possessing entity like Nemesis, generic term for evil spirits)

Asmodeus

Baphomet

Belial

Belphegor

Demogorgon

Dusios

Gello

Incubus

Succubus

Satan

 Four Princes of Hell (Satanic Bible)

Satan

Lucifer

Belial

Levitaian

#exterminators #hazbin hotel

[pocketgalaxies]

hi bova, quarantine asks: 8, 27, 35, 37, 39, 48 and tell us why!!

hi chassie

8. What’s a goal you hope to achieve while being quarantined?

uhhhhh i’ve mostly been letting myself feel accomplished for not Completely Losing It but it’d be cool if i can manage to read a book at some point before things go back to normal! also i hope to not contract coronavirus

27. What do you like most about the quarantine?

i appreciate that i am literally required to stay in my home now, as opposed to wanting to stay home when people want me to go out and do other things. also in a weird way time feels like it’s kind of stopped, and a lot of deadlines i used to be super worried about aren’t v pressing anymore (but at the same time i’m feeling more overwhelmed than before bc of all the change and the few deadlines that still remain so maybe not)

35. Who was the last person you texted, called, facetimed?

i texted YOU last, idiot!! and i’m facetiming my roommates rn so we can peer pressure each other into doing schoolwork

37. If you had to live in one item of clothing for the rest of this quarantine what would it be?

i have a super soft crew neck sweater from dry goods that i’ve been wearing to sleep but i will gladly wear it during the day too. and a random pair of underarmor sweatpants i found in my dresser at home, they’re also v soft

39. What’s your favorite restaurant? Is it closed?

a cruel question!!!! if i HAD to pick one i’d say bibimbab, a local korean restaurant in michigan. they are closed right now ://

48. What’s your favorite quote?

uhhhhhh whyyyyyyyyy goddammit uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck ummmmmmmmmmmm CAN I GIVE YOU A FEW OPTIONS

“see, god may have / invented blood, but we two girls in love / invented invincibility” - keaton st. james (the Power and the Weight and Truth of love between wlw that allows it to be compared to god’s invention of blood, which is conventionally smth that represents unbreakable bonds and the fundamental nature of being alive. the “but” implies that perhaps two girls in love can equal or even exceed the act of inventing blood by inventing invincibility instead, which to me is a higher-level word that acknowledges the complexities and gray areas of living that blood doesn’t necessarily acknowledge, while also asserting a strength that comes from wlw themselves to fight through that)

“if it’s a crime to bend the line, then we should tear it up” - MADE IN HEIGHTS (this song has always just been one of my favs and this line stood out to me the first time i listened to it. i like the carelessness of “tear[ing] it up” within this simple construct of a straight line of convention/normality. rip it up until it’s virtually unrecognizable, out of individuality and rebellion and the right to unique self-expression)

“i dream of a language whose words, like fists, would fracture jaws” - emil cioran (this quote has been w me for a long time, i think it articulates some of the reasons i love language and writing. the way words can come off the page to have an effect that’s not only emotional but also physical. and i like that the metaphor is violent, it resists the idea that writing is passive and purely descriptive. it is ofc a form of record-keeping but it also has the power to incite violence, and just to get away from the quote a bit it has an underestimated power to change the course of history in general. also i like the idea of dreaming of a language)

“when i met ana i knew: i loved her to the point of invention” - sarah ruhl (i don’t even know what to say about this i think the entire monologue is fantastic and the entire play is fantastic. “to the point of invention” is such a short and simple phrase but it’s this huge and almost divine concept, doing things that have never been done by anyone in history, to make one person happier. and the monologue starts w a real-life example, someone who v truly did something historic and monumental for the person they love!! the whole thing just blows me away, and it inspires me to be that open and determined and to Feel. to love so much that i can change the world)

quarantine asks

#i spent too long on those quotes and i feel like i'm forgetting a huge one!!! #ask #answered #/ #// #ask me things #covid19 #cass tag #attention: this is pda #macasfootstool

[tabletoptrinketsbyjj]

Unique Weapons, 3: Blades, bludgeons and bows of all shapes, sizes and mysterious backgrounds. Heroes and villains across fiction can often be immediately recognized by their signature weapon, causing the weapon itself to be an iconic part of the character. From Perrin’s spiked half moon axe to Roland’s enormous sandalwood revolvers, the jedi’s lightsabers, Arya’s needle, Legolas’s bow, Wolfwood’s Punisher, Detritus’s Piecemaker, the bride’s katana, Bond’s Walther PPK, Robin Hood’s longbow, Jason’s machete or Indiana Jones’s whip, a weapon can even function as a physical manifestation of the character’s personality. None of these weapons are intensely magical in their own right but can serve as the physical basis for family heirlooms, legendary artifacts and magical or masterwork weapons. Alternatively they can be found as loot and become part of a PC’s distinctive appearance, allowing the player to become fully immersed in their character’s look and feel. —Note: Some entries call for the DM to “Roll a Random Weapon” which simply means that the DM can roll from the pregenerated lists on this blog or choose whatever weapon they feel would be appropriate for the situation.

A huge, bloodstained jawbone of an unknown creature that's assuredly been used for acts of violence. The club has dozens of notches on the bone which almost certainly denote the number of creatures the makeshift weapon was used to kill.

A padded messenger bag containing a half dozen fairly inconspicuous looking dinner plates. The dishes are made of a light metal alloy and their edges are decorated with blue webbing and a seedling rice plant. Upon close inspection the edges of the plates are actual razor sharp along the entire rim except for a hand sized area where the plants cross creating a “Zn” pattern. The objects are perfectly weighted for throwing (Chakram statistics) and make a distinctive whistling sound while hurtling through the air.

A collapsible steel baton that can be used as a club. The weapon can be compacted into a foot long metal cylinder and can be extended with a flick of the wrist. The baton is twice as heavy as a normal club but the bearer gains advantage on checks made to conceal it on their person.

A heavy, two handed pickaxe consisting of a bone shaft, topped with a pair of jagged claws as sharp and durable as steel that are bound to the bone with sinew. The weapon radiates a faint aura of ruthlessness and evil intentions. Knowledgeable PC's will discover that all parts of the weapon originated from a singular demon.

A brightly polished steel shortsword whose pommel is decorated with delicate green vines and beautiful flowers. If the wielder ever uses the weapon to kill a member of their own race, the weapon's appearance changes drastically when the wielder next sleeps. After they awake, they will find that the blade's once shining metal has darkened to a matte black with blood red veins running through it. The vines have mutated into thick cords of virulent purple, covered in wicked barbed thorns. The weapon's dark change is only apparent to that wielder (And by extension any others who have used it to murder another of their own species), who is never again able to see the weapon as it was before.   

Roll a Random Weapon: A humble looking weapon that was once passingly glanced at by a minor God of War. When grasped, the wielder is filled with a thirst for violent conflict and armed battle for no other reason than to prove which side is stronger. Despite the extremely limited exposure to the God's general presence, the weapon still tingles with residual divine magic and can serve as a focus for offensive spells (Those that cause direct damage or others subject to DM approval) cast by a true adherent of a God of War.

A sickly pale, leather pouch containing a dozen, granite sling bullets carved from tombstones.

A one-handed mace made entirely of bluish steel, with a handle wrapped in white dragonhide. The weapon is completely covered in a fine layer of perpetually frost.

A greyish-green greatsword with a serrated edge on both sides of its blade and a hilt made of a soft, white substance wrapped around a solid core. The white spongy flesh of the hilt has a heartbeat-like pulse that never matches its wielder's and is fantastically unnerving to hold.

Featherweight Darts, Silver: A small wooden case containing a dozen extremely small, lightweight darts. These fragile darts have barbed needle-like heads made of silver which are too small to deal damage on their own. When a dart hits exposed skin, the thin shaft breaks off, leaving the base of the fine barbed head flush with the flesh and nearly impossible to spot. These darts are specialty weapons used against lycanthropes, devils and some undead as the victim typically doesn't have the time and composure to find and remove the barbed head with tweezers or a needle. The silver head embedded in the victim's flesh and acts as a toxin and when combined with other similar darts and silver weapons, can weaken the creature enough to kill. The barb can be removed without issue in one round with proper equipment and a successful medicine check or by quickly cutting out the barb dealing 1d2 damage. The small darts are meant to be used in both blowguns and wrist launchers but can be thrown by hand or fired from a hand crossbow while suffering disadvantage on the attack roll. ---Note: The suggested damage for an embedded dart in a creature weak to silver is 1 per minute (At the end of each minute) until it is removed. Otherwise the embedded silver could hamper spellcasting, supernatural abilities, lower the victim's damage resistance or lower the amount of hit points they receive from healing. This effect would be compounded with each additional embedded barb and it is ultimately up to the DM to determine exactly how to implement this weapon.

-Click Here for homebrew Masterwork Weapon Bonuses to give these objects even more personality and mechanical benefits.  

-Or keep reading for 90 more weapons.

—Note: The previous 10 weapons are repeated for easier rolling on a d100.

A huge, bloodstained jawbone of an unknown creature that's assuredly been used for acts of violence. The club has dozens of notches on the bone which almost certainly denote the number of creatures the makeshift weapon was used to kill.

A padded messenger bag containing a half dozen fairly inconspicuous looking dinner plates. The dishes are made of a light metal alloy and their edges are decorated with blue webbing and a seedling rice plant. Upon close inspection the edges of the plates are actual razor sharp along the entire rim except for a hand sized area where the plants cross creating a “Zn” pattern. The objects are perfectly weighted for throwing (Chakram statistics) and make a distinctive whistling sound while hurtling through the air.

A collapsible steel baton that can be used as a club. The weapon can be compacted into a foot long metal cylinder and can be extended with a flick of the wrist. The baton is twice as heavy as a normal club but the bearer gains advantage on checks made to conceal it on their person.

A heavy, two handed pickaxe consisting of a bone shaft, topped with a pair of jagged claws as sharp and durable as steel that are bound to the bone with sinew. The weapon radiates a faint aura of ruthlessness and evil intentions. Knowledgeable PC's will discover that all parts of the weapon originated from a singular demon.

A brightly polished steel shortsword whose pommel is decorated with delicate green vines and beautiful flowers. If the wielder ever uses the weapon to kill a member of their own race, the weapon's appearance changes drastically when the wielder next sleeps. After they awake, they will find that the blade's once shining metal has darkened to a matte black with blood red veins running through it. The vines have mutated into thick cords of virulent purple, covered in wicked barbed thorns. The weapon's dark change is only apparent to that wielder (And by extension any others who have used it to murder another of their own species), who is never again able to see the weapon as it was before.  

Roll a Random Weapon: A humble looking weapon that was once passingly glanced at by a minor God of War. When grasped, the wielder is filled with a thirst for violent conflict and armed battle for no other reason than to prove which side is stronger. Despite the extremely limited exposure to the God's general presence, the weapon still tingles with residual divine magic and can serve as a focus for offensive spells (Those that cause direct damage or others subject to DM approval) cast by a true adherent of a God of War.

A sickly pale, leather pouch containing a dozen, granite sling bullets carved from tombstones.

A one-handed mace made entirely of bluish steel, with a handle wrapped in white dragonhide. The weapon is completely covered in a fine layer of perpetually frost.

A greyish-green greatsword with a serrated edge on both sides of its blade and a hilt made of a soft, white substance wrapped around a solid core. The white spongy flesh of the hilt has a heartbeat-like pulse that never matches its wielder's and is fantastically unnerving to hold.

Featherweight Darts, Silver: A small wooden case containing a dozen extremely small, lightweight darts. These fragile darts have barbed needle-like heads made of silver which are too small to deal damage on their own. When a dart hits exposed skin, the thin shaft breaks off, leaving the base of the fine barbed head flush with the flesh and nearly impossible to spot. These darts are specialty weapons used against lycanthropes, devils and some undead as the victim typically doesn't have the time and composure to find and remove the barbed head with tweezers or a needle. The silver head embedded in the victim's flesh and acts as a toxin and when combined with other similar darts and silver weapons, can weaken the creature enough to kill. The barb can be removed without issue in one round with proper equipment and a successful medicine check or by quickly cutting out the barb dealing 1d2 damage. The small darts are meant to be used in both blowguns and wrist launchers but can be thrown by hand or fired from a hand crossbow while suffering disadvantage on the attack roll. ---Note: The suggested damage for an embedded dart in a creature weak to silver is 1 per minute (At the end of each minute) until it is removed. Otherwise the embedded silver could hamper spellcasting, supernatural abilities, lower the victim's damage resistance or lower the amount of hit points they receive from healing. This effect would be compounded with each additional embedded barb and it is ultimately up to the DM to determine exactly how to implement this weapon.

A woven linen quiver containing a dozen arrows whose shafts are a pale honey colour with white fletching and marked with bands of lead behind the points.

A long length of bone fashioned into a quarterstaff with crystal runes embedded into steel rings at both ends.

A quarterstaff made of pale green bone with light purple runes decorating its otherwise plain ends

A leather quiver containing a dozen arrows, each with a strange sigil worn into one side of the arrowhead.

A stone handaxe that emits a high pitched ringing sound whenever it strikes anything.

A banded leather quiver containing five thin, ornately crafted javelins, surmounted by steel heads patterned with labyrinthine twists of narrow bands of light and dark metal.

A sea-mage's quarterstaff made entirely of a six foot long moray eel, whose fang filled mouth lies gaping wide, revealing the sea serpent’s secondary internal jaw. It has been subjected to magical enchantments which perfectly preserve the body and render it stronger than steel.

A pair of daggers whose blades are shards of razor sharp green jade attached to thin, sleek bone handles tipped with Randomly Coloured tassels. 

A battleaxe of obvious dwarven make that sports an iron head and haft inlaid with spiraling geometrical patterns of mithril runes.

A woven burlap quiver quiver containing a dozen arrows whose shafts are a deep black colour with flecks of a sickly green.

A longspear made of calcified bone with a razor-sharp obsidian-tip.

A short bow composed of two, one-and-a-half foot tapering prisms of dark wood which are assembled into a cylindrical central shaft which forms the bow.

A reed quiver containing a dozen iron war darts, whose thin metal stabilizing fins are stamped with the images of bees and wasps.

A rust spotted steel cutlass (DM's choice of shortsword, longsword, of scimitar statistics), with a basket hilt cast in the likeness of a grinning skull.

A composite longbow with five small coloured stones and three silver studs set in a diamond pattern above the handle.

An ash wood longspear with a black, necromantic rune at the base of the blade.

A polished pair of iron knuckle dusters tipped with fine silvered points on each stud.

A shortsword constructed from a large bone of unknown origin. It is coated in a strange black oily substance that never washes away. When the weapon is first grasped, the wielder feels their arm go cold as their warmth rushes towards the hilt of the blade.

A huge two-handed greatclub made of a single piece of worked ivory.

A longsword with a silvered blade contained within an ornate black leather sheath. The weapon's cross guard is in the shape of an eagle whose eyes are small rubies.

A standard longsword sheathed in a scabbard bearing a hidden false bottom large enough to hold a flask, vial or small knife. The barely perceivable catch is accessible from the exterior of the scabbard.

A quarterstaff with a large metal loop on the top end, from which multiple small rings hang from, that chime with the movement of the staff.

A heavy, perfectly usable iron flute that can be used as a weapon (Club statistics). It whistles when used to make attacks, unless its many holes are filled with cork or wax.

A pair of steel knuckle axes which are best described as axe blades mounted on standard brass knuckles. Treat them as standard knuckles that deal slashing rather than bludgeoning damage.

A dagger-like weapon (Dagger statistics, only deals piercing damage), with four barbed spikes mounted in a square pattern in place of a blade. Knowledgeable creatures will recognize the weapon as a quadrens. A wielder who practices with the weapon for at least one hour per week gains advantage while using the quadrens to disarm creatures.

A whip with a series of razor sharp blades and fangs inset along its tip. This weapon is an instrument of torture an mutilation and is commonly known as a scorpion whip. 

A Randomly Coloured scarf with one side that looks like a normal, brightly coloured performance scarf, while the other side has a number of small blades woven into granting the bearer advantage on all checks made to conceal the blades. It can be wielded as a weapon (Dagger statistics that deals half normal damage) by a creature who practices with it for at least one hour per week.

A pallid length of sharpened thighbone is carved into the shape of a dagger, but with tiny holes bored into it at equal intervals and can be played like a flute.

A longsword whose blade is thick and serrated with a hooked barb at the end. It looks almost as if it were crafted by an amateur as its smithing marks are clearly visible. The brutal weapon is caked in blood from its years of killing that no amount of cleaning will remove.

A bone longspear topped with a sharp serrated tooth bound to the bone with sinew. Knowledgeable PC's will discover that all parts of the weapon originated from a singular dragon.

A well crafted longsword, crudely decorated with odd, crude red and yellow runes just above the hilt. The runes appear to have been applied after the sword was forged and their poor application sharply contrasts against the fine workmanship of the weapon.

A small mithril dagger with a brilliant moonstone hilt that sparkles brightly even in low light.

A black machete (Shortsword statistics) made of high quality steel whose pommel was forged in the shape of a jaguar's head.

An elegant green jade quarterstaff, masterfully etched to mimic the pattern and texture of dragon scales. It has been capped at either end with silver resembling a dragon’s head and coiled hindquarters.

A shortsword made of solid mercury, forged in dragon’s breath and cooled in the corrupted black waters of hell. Etched in the blade is the word “Tisis”, the name of the sword in an ancient tongue, which means “vengeance”.

A long spear of fire hardened ash with a gleaming silver triangular spear head, carved into the wood are runes invoking destruction. Two words are inlaid in silver, one "Hate" and the other "Discretion”.

A staff-length oaken shillelagh (Greatclub statistics), with a sizable knob on one end that was hollowed out and filled with lead.

A well crafted longsword with a rose quartz in its pommel and the symbol of a rose in full bloom etched into the grip.

A hide sling trimmed with red fox fur.

A cloth pouch containing a dozen sling bullets made out of pixie skulls with residual dust still clinging to them. When the bullets are shot from a sling, they let out a gale of childish laughter that turns into a warped cackle upon impact.

A collapsible steel pole that can be used as a quarterstaff. The weapon can be compacted into a two foot long metal cylinder and can be extended with a flick of the wrist. The cylinder is twice as heavy as a normal quarterstaff but the bearer gains advantage on checks made to conceal it on their person.

A quarterstaff made of rose wood that sprouts miniature roses along its length every sunrise. The roses sprout in full bloom with needle like thorns which must be pruned before the staff made be effectively used.

A longsword with a hilt is bound in black silk, with dark brown leather showing through small nicks in the fine cloth. The crossguard is “V” shaped, nestling the blade between its arms. The narrow blade is made of a pure silvery metal, which is always cold to the touch. It looks finely crafted, a step far above a simple soldier's weapon despite similar appearances. From the hilt dangles a chain attached to a small silver skull.

A halberd sporting a black leather grip and a gold-inlaid pattern of stripes and sharp angles on its steel blade. 

A pristine shortbow made of a strange white wood that’s been engraved with holy symbols and prayers to the God of Random Good Domain. Knowledgeable PC’s will recognize that the faintly glowing bowstring is actually the braided golden hair of an angel, which twangs with pure musical notes when used.

An elegant light crossbow with a gold-washed barrel that always catches the light. Its maple grip feels pleasantly warm to the touch.

A dented and mistreated dagger which remains curiously sharp. When used to cut mundane material, it only takes half the normal time required.

A mage's quarterstaff consisting of a six foot long snake skeleton encased in a clear glass cylinder. The staff has has been subjected to magical enchantments which preserve the bones and render the glass stronger than steel.

A steel fullblade with a larger than average pommel with a small barely perceivable latch that opens to reveal a hollow interior. The pommel can hold a one-ounce flask, folding knife, small rolled up scroll or other small object.

Featherweight Darts, Cold Iron: A small wooden case containing a dozen extremely small, lightweight darts. These fragile darts have barbed needle-like heads made of cold iron which are too small to deal damage on their own. When a dart hits exposed skin, the thin shaft breaks off, leaving the base of the fine barbed head flush with the flesh and nearly impossible to spot. These darts are specialty weapons used against fey and fairy folk, as the victim typically doesn't have the time and composure to find and remove the barbed head with tweezers or a needle. The cold iron head embedded in the fey’s flesh and acts as a toxin and when combined with other similar darts and cold iron weapons, can weaken the creature enough to kill. The barb can be removed without issue in one round with proper equipment and a successful medicine check or by quickly cutting out the barb dealing 1d2 damage. The small darts are meant to be used in both blowguns and wrist launchers but can be thrown by hand or fired from a hand crossbow while suffering disadvantage on the attack roll. ---Note: The suggested damage for an embedded dart in a creature weak to cold iron is 1 per minute (At the end of each minute) until it is removed. Otherwise the embedded cold iron could hamper spellcasting, supernatural abilities, lower the victim's damage resistance or lower the amount of hit points they receive from healing. This effect would be compounded with each additional embedded barb and it is ultimately up to the DM to determine exactly how to implement this weapon.

A pair of iron claws (Dagger statistics), consisting of bands of metal and leather that wrap around the wielder's hands, leaving several protruding dagger-like blades. The wielder is able to make use of their hands to interact with objects or wield other weapons but the bearer's hands are mildly restrained and suffer disadvantage on any checks involving fine control control such as picking pockets, playing instruments or disarming traps. The claws require a free hand and a full round to don or remove.

A shortspear with a barbed, harpoon-like tip, feathered with bright colours. Knowledgeable PC’s will recognize it as a banderilla, a weapon used by bullfighters to antagonize the animal into continuing to fight without dealing lethal damage immediately.

A steel bladed butterfly knife whose brass handle is shaped to perfectly resemble a spyglass when the blade is hidden.

A small, slick garrote with ebony and red leather grips.

A pike crafted from sandalwood carved with cloud patterns that spiral up its shaft.

A polished black wood club, whose top end is capped with an ornate silver spider

A bastard sword with a curved, black blade that leads into a hilt inlaid with human bones, ending in a large black onyx gem.

A bamboo bandolier containing a dozen razor sharp shuriken carved from Randomly Coloured jade. 

A polished pair of iron knuckle dusters with small raised skulls on each stud.

A steel dagger that points north when held in the flat of one's hand.

A rapier with a handle of green jade carved to resemble a snake. Whenever the blade is unsheathed, the weapon lets out a long, ominous hiss.

A mace forged of black iron, whose head was crafted to resemble a clenched fist, pierced with spikes protruding from between the fingers.

An oddly shaped glaive, made from what appears to be snow-white wood. A blood red leather handle is wound around it, where the wielder is meant to grip it.

A wickedly sharp longspear with a shaft of dark grey metal, covered in an unpleasant oily sheen. The stuff of shadows constantly coalesces and drips from the tip of the spear.

A quarterstaff made of finished golden oak wood. It sports a few carvings inset along its length and a gnarled knot at the top

A shortsword consisting of a bone hilt topped with a giant alabaster feather as sharp and durable as steel that's bound to the bone with a single unbreakable strand of golden hair. The weapon radiates a faint aura of redemption and good intentions. Knowledgeable PC's will discover that all parts of the weapon originated from a singular angel.

A dull iron shortsword that cannot be sharpened but functions well as a club. It produces soothing musical notes when swung.

A standard shortsword sheathed in a scabbard bearing a hidden storage compartment large enough to hold a flask, vial or small knife. The barely perceivable catch is accessible from the interior of the top end of the scabbard.

A dagger consisting of a sharp serrated tooth attached to a bone hilt with sinew. Knowledgeable PC's will discover that all parts of the weapon originated from a singular dragon.

A darkwood longspear ending in a thorn-like head bearing a wide-bladed barb. When the weapon is used in combat, its successful critical hits are accompanied by an unsettling screech, as if some wild enraged beast cried out.

Featherweight Darts: A small wooden case containing a dozen extremely small, lightweight darts. These fragile darts have barbed needle-like heads which are too small to deal damage on their own. When a dart hits exposed skin, the thin shaft breaks off, leaving the base of the fine barbed head flush with the flesh and nearly impossible to spot. These darts are overwhelmingly used along with poisons, as the victim typically doesn't have the time and composure to find and remove the barbed head with tweezers or a needle. The poison is often combined with a numbing agent rendering the head even more difficult to locate and remove, allowing the poison to fully work itself into the victim’s system, causing the victim disadvantage on checks made to resist the poison while the barb remains in the body. The barb can be removed without issue in one round with proper equipment and a successful medicine check or by quickly cutting out the barb dealing 1d2 damage. The small darts are meant to be used in both blowguns and wrist launchers but can be thrown by hand or fired from a hand crossbow while suffering disadvantage on the attack roll. ---Note: The suggested damage for an embedded dart that bears a poison is 1 per minute (At the end of each minute) until it is removed. This effect would be compounded with each additional embedded barb and it is ultimately up to the DM to determine exactly how to implement this weapon.

A longbow made of a strangely soft, white wood and strung with a silk string. Despite the unusual materials the bow is perfectly functional.

A dagger cast from a single piece of black iron, with a gleaming razor's edge and a grip resembling carved fingers.

A weathered cutlass (Shortsword or scimitar statistics, DM's choice) whose bronze crossguard is in the shape of a skull and crossbones. It's leather grip is worn and salt stained.

A greatsword consisting of an opaline glass blade with a deer horn hilt. The milky blade has been magically enchanted to be as sharp and durable as steel.

A well engineered heavy crossbow, inscribed with imagery of storms and plagues, glorifying a daemonic harbinger.

Roll a Random Weapon: A creature who wields the weapon in combat experiences the distinct feeling of being watched from afar by an alien intelligence, as though the weapon has somehow attracted the attention of a scrying mage, extraplanar entity or minor God.

A simple wooden mace that bears the scars and splinters of frequent use and looks like the weapon of a traveling monk or military chaplain.

A vicious weapon consisting of two raggedly serrated blades placed side by side, each ending in a cruel hook (Longsword statistics). This object cannot be mistaken for anything other than an implement of painful death.

A graceful longspear of plainly elven design. Behind the long pole weapon’s spearhead, several short branches project from the shaft at irregular intervals, each angled forward and tipped with a smaller leaf-like blade. The branching blades grant the wielder advantage on attacks of opportunity provoked by movement. The longspear’s design focuses on quick, deliberate strikes rather than powerful, crushing blows and thus the wielder must use dexterity modifier rather than their strength modifier to determine their attack and damage rolls.

A greataxe of orcish design with an oversized head bristling with spikes and a long, thick haft that only barely counterbalances its weight.

An elven made short sword with a blade reminiscent of a long, narrow leaf that is suitable both for slashing swings and targeted thrusts.

A wrought iron quarterstaff spartan and plain in design, its only embellishments being a snarling wyvern's head at the tip of the staff and a matching sharp bottom for the tail. It has a cushioned grip in the center, the ornate velvet wrapping offering plenty of space for hand holds. Beneath, and everywhere else along the staff, are dozens of sharp steel spines, each of which cuts like a caltrop. These spines elongate and shift when in close proximity to anyone but the true owner, and are certain to impale all but the rightful wielder. Those who look directly at the wyvern's head are overcome with self doubt and suspicion of others, making them more open to suggestions they would otherwise immediately dismiss.

A broad-bladed, single edged, bastard sword bearing nine heavy rings threaded through its spine, providing additional weight to add to the force of its impressive chopping power.

A macabre scimitar, decorated with images of shriveled vines and wilted flowers along its blade. Whenever the sword draws fresh blood, the blighted plant life depicted on the blade animates and the thorny vines draw the blood into the blade leaving no trace of the liquid. The creeping, twisting vines gorge themselves on the spilled blood, becoming bloated abominations of nature as the shriveled flowers thrive and blossom into holy symbols of evil Gods. Without a constant source of fresh blood, the plants slowly wither and return to their dormant shriveled state.

A rapier that appears to be nothing more than an elegant basket hilt made of glass or highly polished crystal with no blade, as the deadly length of the weapon is invisible.

A heavy weapon (Longsword statistics) with a distinctive crescent-shaped blade, appearing as an amalgam of sickle and sword. The pommel and blade have a number of holes drilled into them, where charms, bells and holy trinkets have been attached. Knowledgeable PC's will recognize this as a temple sword, commonly used by warrior monks who use it as a focus for meditation and prayer as well as defense.

A large, reinforced leather quiver containing a dozen javelins. The specialized throwing spears consist of a barbed head and long narrow shank made of iron mounted on a wooden haft. The barbs seem to be designed to lodge in an opponent's shield or body so that it cannot be removed, while the long iron shank prevents the head from being cut from the shaft. This type of javelin (Which knowledgeable PC's recognize as an Angon) was designed for the purpose of disabling enemy shields, thus leaving combatants vulnerable, and disrupting enemy formations.

A three bladed dagger with cross-members for gripping. When tapped on a hard surface, the dagger emits of series of musical tones as if it was singing. The knife is lightweight and surprising easy to conceal, making it perfectly suited for disemboweling unsuspecting victims.  

A straight-bladed glaive, tapered to a graceful point and polished to a mirrored reflectiveness. The holy symbol of a God of a Random Lawful Domain is etched in emerald at the base of the blade, and a green tassel hangs from the pommel. The wielder of the blade may gaze at her own reflection in the blade's surface in search of confidence. The wielder's reflection is of themselves at their very best, an image of their own face, with all of their finest qualities writ plainly upon it, revealed through the magic of the blade.  

#d&d #dnd #d&d 3.5 #d&d 4e #d&d 5e #d&d homebrew #d&d 5e homebrew #loot #custom loot #loot generator #random loot table #pathfinder #trinkets #roleplaying #rpg #dungeons and dragons #dungeon master #dm #d&d ideas #treasure #treasure table #d&d resources #tabletop homebrew #d&d weapons #weapons #unique weapons #homebrew weapons

[tejeshvemula]

My atheism..How it all started..?

I used to believe in God(s) when I was a kid. It was not because I had a revelation from sky through divine voice, but because of my very religious mother. As a kid I was very curious about mythological stories, I would not miss a TV serial or a movie on mythology. I liked the wars especially, it was super fun to watch all those shapeshifting arrows and maces :-). I used to ask a lot of questions about a lot of things and the most common answer I would get was “Thats how God meant them to be” and that would be the end of the conversation with me left clueless.

Even as a kid, praying to God didn’t make any sense for me. More often than not the signal wouldn’t come while my favourite cartoons are coming on TV, and I would pray to all the Gods that I knew but my prayers were never answered. At that age God never answered my prayers because he didn’t like me. In retrospect I see this was where I started having questions about the concept of God.

While growing up I started noticing contradictory things people said regarding God. I still remember an incident from my child hood: A person died very young near my house and I heard people consoling his family by telling that God likes good people and takes them early. It got me thinking. Firstly, I wondered why those people were crying if he was taken by God? After all, it must be a good thing! Secondly, old people must be bad as they are still living. By then, I experienced that questions pertaining to God were forbidden. I still was a believer in God but just not sure of his reasons behind his actions.

I vividly remember there was an earth quake in Gujarat when I was in my primary school, and a lot of people were killed. A circular was sent to our class to bring old clothes to donate for the people who lost everything in this violent act of God. Next day, an NGO representative came to collect the clothes and he said that God would bless us for our kind act. I thought to myself, why was God not kind enough for the people in Gujarat?, but I didn’t say it aloud as I knew that would be futile. By this time, I was not sure of the morality of God.

Amidst all this confusion about the God and his role in our lives, I still would oblige my mom and fold my hands and close my eyes as if I were praying but in my head goes, is it really effective to pray? will the God deliberately make me suffer if he knew that I was not being sincere in my prayers? .. I once asked my dad if there is really a God watching us and writing down what we are doing and he said to me quoting some philosopher, “If you believe in God, and if there is one, you are right.. if you believe in God, and if there isn’t one, you are wrong ..if you don’t believe in God, and if there is one, you are wrong and you are making him angry. So why taking a risk?” I was convinced and I decided to go with the flow and not question God.

I was in 8th Standard when Tsunami hit India hard and I saw the havoc it created. There were visuals on television that caused me feel nauseated.I was furious after seeing the deaths of all those innocent people. I still was believing that God existed but I was also convinced that he must be a sadist to enjoy watching people suffer. I started challenging him in my own childish way - I stopped praying, I started making obscene jokes on Gods. And sooner, I realised it was so silly and made peace with myself and stopped thinking of God at all.

When I was in studying intermediate, I started reading stuff on internet. The more I read, the better I understood my lack of understanding of things. It was very interesting to see how we humans tend to prefer some theory to no theory( the very reason why conspiracy theories are very popular). We are beings of strong sense of purpose and it comes naturally to us to attach purpose to random occurrences as well. To state an incident that happened to me as an example; I was once waiting for a train and it got very delayed, and as soon as they announced the train’s arrival, some guy rushed into the station and came running to me and asked if the train had left already. I told him I was also waiting for the same train and the announcement just came. He was so relieved and said to me,”God is there Brother! I would have missed the train, had he not delayed it for me.” Seriously! I then realised that things happen with no sense of purpose but we interpret as we please for our comfort. It occurred to me on that moment that my hate towards God was because I attached a sense of purpose to his actions. I also wondered for a brief period What if God just created the universe never to interfere in between? By the time I was doing my Graduation, I vaguely arrived at the concept of a Non-Interfering God that created a Universe and set up physical laws of nature and set it on a path. I was at that time agnostic, but I wished God to be non-interfering type, if at all it existed. 

Then I stumbled upon “The Selfish Gene” by Richard Dawkins, which changed my perspective on the origins of life on earth or the possibility of life elsewhere. The archeological and biological evidence provided in the book was so compelling that it seemed ridiculous to think of the term “God’s creation”. The more I was exposed to the scientific findings and theories pertaining to evolution and astrophysics, I was more convinced that there was no invisible hand of God pulling strings for us. The awareness of the expanse of the universe knocked me out of Human-centric thinking.  

After graduation, I spent a great deal of free time reading history books as I felt it was important to look into past to understand how things are shaped as they are in present. And It’s startling to know the amount of violence perpetrated in the name of God and Religion. It’s interesting to see how almost all the religions claim to provide God’s revelations and they all can’t be correct at the same time. I am certain by this time that I don’t need any Religion to explain things to me as I have something better to rely on. ‘Science’. I disassociated myself from all the religions. Likes of Bertrand Russell and Christopher Hitchens provided me the deeper understanding of the evils of religion and the need for atheist movement. 

It’s liberating to finally accept that I don’t need God or Religion to validate my actions. Whatever the good I do, I do it cause I am good not because I am afraid of someone. I, as an atheist, have the highest respect for the ability of mankind to be noble without the need for an enforcer. 

Yes, I can’t prove the non-existence of God. I can’t put it better than B. Russell

“..nobody can prove that there is not between the Earth and Mars a china teapot revolving in an elliptical orbit, but nobody thinks this sufficiently likely to be taken into account in practice. I think the God just as unlikely”

No matter how much ever the science advances, there will always be so many mysteries to be solved. Theologists incapable to reason with atheists, always slip into the dark areas where the Science hasn’t shed its light yet. 

When asked, what caused Big Bang? The scientific world answers “We don’t know it yet”. It’s much more convenient to answer “It’s God”. But what will be the answer for who created God that created universe? Theists may say that God is “un-creatable” and therefore eternally existed without being created. If God can exist without being created, why can’t the universe?

#atheism #god #religion

[iturbide]

Grima Backstory

This has been such a long time coming but I’m finally going to condense a headcanon Heroes!Grima history because I need it and I am apparently in the mood to break hearts.

Cut for length and likely extreme angst.

While I will try to keep this to a more broad overview, I’m still going to split this into several general sections for ease of reading.  If anyone wants more details on anything in particular, feel free to ask!  Also I apologize for the inconsistent rambling styles and bursts of random analytics.

Creation and Birth

So we actually have some information regarding how Grima canonically came to be.  Which is pretty great, all things considered, because it gives us a really strong starting point.  We know that the alchemist Forneus acquired the blood of a divine dragon through unknown (but presumably dangerous) means.  Using that as a base, he added several other alchemic ingredients (human fluids, herbs and nectar, etc.) and sealed the concoction within a vial, monitoring its temperature and daily adding some measure of human blood to the mixture. 

Within 40 days, there was clear evidence of a new lifeform in the flask.  It was tiny and resembled a human fetus -- which, all things considered, isn’t a surprise: embryonic development shows some rather striking similarities between a variety of species in the early period, and given that the creation was the size of a jelly bean at 40 days it may very well be that he attributed its appearance to a human embryo because that was the blood he’d been providing I know this isn’t pokemon but the science hat is warranted in this case.  It continued to grow as he provided fresh blood on a daily basis until, at the 80th day, its development finally began to diverge from the generic embryonic form into something distinctly inhuman, with a long neck and tail. 

From the 80th day on, Forneus’ creation began to show some increasingly surprising developments.  While divine dragon blood had been the basis of his experiment, the new lifeform looked nothing at all like one, with six eyes and two pairs of wings in addition to its feathered hind limbs.  But more surprising still to Forneus was the fact that the creature seemed aware of him from within its vial, its eyes sometimes seeming to smile at him. 

For a time he was delighted.  The care and monitoring saw the strange dragon grow to the size of a puppy -- but within its flask, it began to stir, demonstrating the first signs of a power he was not equipped to handle.  But something interesting to note is that Forneus himself described the divine dragon blood in its pure form, prior to his experiment, as having a terrifying power -- so there is absolutely nothing to suggest that Grima’s powers were any more terrible than a divine dragon’s, and Forneus was just coming to realize that he may have gotten in over his head with this experiment, assuming violent connotations simply because the creation didn’t have the glorious appearance of a divine dragon. 

Most surprising and disconcerting to the alchemist as time went by was the fact that the developing creation’s consciousness seemed to reach out to him from within the vial.  He thought he heard it, believed he glimpsed dark, violent thoughts -- but remember, the creation was only a few months old.  Even assuming that another 40 days had passed, Forneus’ experiment was only three months old and had never been outside its flask.  Something so small, so new, knows nothing of the world, of violence -- what are a baby’s thoughts like?  How does it interpret the world?  How much of what Forneus considered to be his creation’s thoughts were just the reflection of his own fears as the tiny being reached out to the only other entity it knew?

Interestingly, the last line of the account is in quotes.  This might be a translating typo, or it could be a clue that the words aren’t the whole truth: that his intent had been to destroy the creation before it could reach adulthood, but in making the attempt he either failed or stayed his hand and let it go, doctoring the final entry in his account before fleeing what he believed to be his mistake and praying it would not come back to haunt him. 

Whatever the case, Forneus’ creation escaped its flask and retreated deep into the Thabes Labyrinth, out of sight and out of reach of any who might do it harm. 

Growth and Escape

There’s a notable gap here between the end of Forneus’ account and Alm’s encounter with the creation at the heart of the Thabes Labyrinth.  We know that a significant amount of time likely passed between Forneus’ final entries and the battle; while the creation certainly grew rapidly (from non-existent to the size of a thumbnail to the size of a puppy over the course of a few months), this might not be unreasonable for a dragon hatchling growing in an artificial eggshell, and even with Grima’s seemingly limitless capacity for growth (just judging by how huge that dragon is in Awakening), it would still take a significant amount of time to reach such a size, and would likely be dependent on the resources available to fuel such growth. 

But let’s take a look at what we do know: while Forneus might have abandoned his creation to the dark, the strange new entity clearly did not perish as the alchemist might have hoped.  Instead the creature survived on what it could find -- insects, lizards, rats, whatever it could feasibly capture and consume as it grew.  

With nothing else to do, once its hunger was sated, it liked to watch the things that lived alongside it in the dark maze.  Their thoughts, when it reached out to them, were simple and straightforward, and while it did not feel remorse for taking their lives to sustain its own, it felt no spite for them: they each did what they had to in order to sustain their own lives. 

Time passed: years, decades, centuries.  Forneus’ creation continued to grow, until at last it became difficult to navigate the narrow passages of the labyrinth. So it retreated deeper, into the wider halls; then deeper still, into the great chamber at the labyrinth’s heart.  In the dark and quiet, it continued to grow, feeding on whatever it could (including other creatures Forneus had likely made in the time before he laid his hands on the blood of a divine dragon). 

And then, much to its surprise, something ad disturbed the labyrinth’s peace.  Travelers from foreign lands made their way down into the dark -- and while the creation retained only hazy memories of Forneus after so long alone, the smell of them awakened its curiosity.  It rose from the depths to investigate -- but the adventurers saw only a terrifying visage, and attacked without thought. 

The shock of their assault made Forneus’ creation lash out in response, which only seemed to cement in the strangers’ minds that this was a monster to be destroyed.  The battle was long and hard, and in the end, the creature vanished -- but it was not dead.  It only retreated into the dark to nurse its wounds.  The scent of the travelers eventually faded...but something lingered even still: a breath of something strange that the creation had no name for.  So when it was sure that the adventurers were well and truly gone, it crept up from the heart of the labyrinth, working its way through the passages it could still traverse...until at last it reached the surface, and for the first time in its life saw the sun. 

It was bright, blindingly so to six eyes so used to the dark.  For a time, it retreated, simply breathing in the scent of the world beyond the labyrinth that the travelers had come from.  And when at last the gentle moon took the place of the sun, it made its way out into the world for the first time. 

Humanity

So let’s take a little peek at our timeline here.  We don’t know when Forneus lived or worked, but we can say with reasonable certainty that Alm and Celica are contemporaries of Marth, who is himself Chrom’s ancestor from 2,000 years prior (Palla, Catria, and Est appear as major characters in Echoes and Marth’s games both, which puts them in a reasonably short time period).  This means that Alm’s group encounters Forneus’ creation 1,000 years before Grima is subdued by the first Exalt of Ylisse.  This also lines up with Tiki’s age, assuming she was somewhere around 1,000 when she knew Marth, since she’s around 3,000 in Awakening. 

Based on all the evidence we have available to us, dragons don’t age the same way humans do.  Fae is canonically a few centuries old, but mentally and physically she’s a very young child, likely somewhere between 5 and 8 years old by human terms.  Similarly, we know that Nowi, Tiki (in Marth’s time), and Myrrh are all around a millenium old, and physically they appear to be somewhere in their early- to perhaps mid-teens (with variable mental ages -- Tiki gets a pass here since she wound up in a magically induced coma for most of her life, but Nowi acts like a bubbly childish teenager while Myrrh is more mature but really no older).  And in Chrom’s time, Tiki’s around 3,000 years old, and has an appearance of a woman somewhere in her mid- to late-20′s or perhaps early 30′s. 

Considering that divine dragon blood was the core compound in Forneus’ creation, it seems safe to assume that Grima would age more like a divine dragon than a human (since the human blood and fluids were accessory to the base dragon blood component).  And given that Fae’s dragon form is still comparatively small at a few centuries old, even with the seemingly limitless capacity Grima has for growth (just look at that dragon in Awakening), Grima is probably somewhere between a few centuries and a millennium of age when Alm’s party delves into the Thabes Labyrinth.  Meaning that, for all intents and purposes, what Alm and company faced was no more than a curious, confused child -- and that even when the first Exalt brought Grima down, the fell dragon was likely no more than two millennia of age, or effectively in their early twenties from a mental standpoint. 

Think about that for a minute. 

Forneus’ creation creeps out of the Thabes Labyrinth and finds a world swarming with humans.  Given that they haven’t exactly had the best experiences with humans, they’re somewhat warier now, but the strange new world is too much for its curiosity to pass up.  Naturally, there are those humans who try to attack, and still more who flee...but eventually, humans begin to approach the monstrous creature.  They doubtless fear at first, but anyone who’s paid attention would have noticed that the dragon didn’t attack unprovoked, and it did not pursue those who fled.  Humans are innately curious, and some of them began to reach out to the strange creature in friendship.  In turn, Forneus’ creation hesitantly responded, reaching out to their minds as they had their creator so long ago...and in that one simple act, things changed -- for better and for worse both. 

They named Forneus’ creation.  They were the ones who dubbed them Grima.  And as word spread of the dragon’s appearance, humans came from all corners of the continent to.  There were those who believed the dragon to be a kind divine, fearful enough to frighten off plague and pestilence.  There were those who believed the dragon to be a weapon, no more than a tool to be turned against enemies. There were those who believed the dragon to be evil incarnate, a threat to all humanity and worshipped by only the most wicked of mankind.  And there were those who believed the dragon to be a friendly, curious creature trying to learn about the world. 

And with so many viewpoints, each treated Grima differently.  Those who worshipped the fell dragon as a divine begged for boons and favors, brought offerings to appease Forneus’ creation, prayed to them for salvation and aid; when they believed their requests fulfilled, they praised Grima...but when they asked too much, for things impossible for any man or divine, and their prayers went unanswered, they cursed Grima’s name.  Those who wanted only to use the dragon’s power for their own devices brought gifts and favors, spoke sweet words to turn the fell dragon to their side -- but as soon as Grima bade their request, they had no more use for them, and abandoned them to reap the spoils of victory.  Those who saw the dragon as evil waged war against those who flocked beneath Grima’s wings, slaughtering any who disagreed with their judgment in the name of beliefs they stubbornly held and vilifying the fell dragon for defending his own, though he never struck the first blow.  And those who reached out to the dragon kindly, who tried to teach them about the world -- those who Grima loved more than any other -- were taken by age and infirmity one by one, while time left Grima forever unscathed. 

Downfall

The good humans -- the open-hearted ones, the gentle ones, who saw Grima as a friend above all else -- were few and far between.  And each loss, be it to sickness or age or violence, robbed the fell dragon of hope in the face of mounting abuses by the swaths of selfish others.  A thousand years before the events of Awakening, shortly before Naga and the first Exalt struck Grima down, there was one human that the fell dragon cared for above all others: they were kind, and gentle, and their presence soothed the dragon like nothing else.  Wanting nothing more than to hold that hope close, Grima forged a blood pact with the human...and they became the first to bear the six-eyed mark, the Heart of Grima (aptly named, as the fell dragon truly loved them with all their heart -- and what a great heart Grima had).  

The fell dragon did not overtake the human’s body, though the bond would have allowed it.  The blood pact was the proof of the bond they had long shared.  They lived their lives together and apart, taking heart in one another’s company in spite of the trials that they so often faced.  The human, in time, bore a child of their own, and shared that joy with Grima, as well.  And the fell dragon was, however briefly, happy. 

But it could not last.  Those who saw Grima as a weapon to turn against their enemies realized that the fell dragon’s favored human stood in the way of their aims -- and so they plotted and planned, and finally set their cruel designs in motion. 

Under the guise of an attack by Grima’s enemies, they killed the fell dragon’s bonded human.  The child was spared, perhaps saved by their other parent, perhaps rescued by strangers and secreted away from the slaughter...but whatever the case, they vanished from Grima’s sight.  And that loss was all that the fell dragon, who had already been so close to devastation, could bear. 

With no one to remind him of the good humanity had to offer -- with their loss as proof of all mankind’s ills, in the fell dragon’s eyes -- Grima set out to destroy all of the wretched, hateful, small-minded, selfish humans it could set its sights on.  Taking control of the body bearing the six-eyed mark, now that the soul had left it, the fell dragon waged war on two fronts, carving swaths of destruction with a form that filled the sky and performing targeted strikes with the body that could pass among humans without arousing the least suspicion.  Those who had orchestrated the attack in the first place had no way to control the dragon’s power, and were left in fearful awe of Grima’s might as the dragon razed all in its path.  

The threat posed to humanity was too great for Naga to ignore, and so she chose her champion, the first Exalt.  With Falchion in hand, they struck Grima’s weakest point: the human vessel that housed a part of their soul.  The holy blade’s power rippled through the connection between vessel and dragon, destroying the human form and laying the fell beast low for a millennium. 

Aftermath

In the wake of Grima’s defeat, the humans who had so inadvertently caused the fell dragon’s break saw an opportunity.  Given that Grima had forged a blood pact with a human, and that human in turn bore a child, there was every likelihood that Grima’s blood had been passed on.  Those who sought Grima’s return for use as a weapon against their enemies called themselves the Grimleal, and over the course of the next thousand years, they sought out any who might be even distantly related to that child of Grima’s bonded human, arranging strategic marriages to any who might have even a trace of Grima’s blood in their lineage.  This, over time, led to Validar, and finally Robin, who at last bore the Heart of Grima...and who, in a moment of weakness after they were forced to take Chrom’s life, succumbed to Grima’s promise of power if it meant being able to take out their suffering on the one who caused it. 

Askr is proving a very good place for Grima, though.  The Summoner calls to mind that last gentle human they had such faith in, and little by little, that has helped to open them up again.  They can do things here that they could not have imagined once (which contributes significantly to their little dragon baby creche).  And once again...they feel that they are happy. 

#fire emblem: heroes #headcanon #grima #i'm pretty sure i missed a whole bunch of stuff #but you know what this sums up the big points #also please consider for a moment: #grima having a range of abilities designed specifically to protect others #not just wreak destruction and devastation #but they've had no reason to protect anyone when they hated humanity #now that they're in askr and building a little found family though #imagine those abilities coming into play as they take care of the dragon babies #and how shocked everyone would be to see it #when grima's been made out as this creature of pure destruction for so long #okay i'm done rambling i promise #tl;dr i love grima a lot

[geraltcirilla]

Okay, so in light of that new clip coming out where Kara Cooper confronts Octavia on her decision to split the Bunker I want to explain why I think sharing the Bunker was a mistake and why I agree with Kara that it ultimately wasn’t Octavia’s decision to make.

First, why the Bunker always belonged solely to Skairkru:

First and foremost, Kara was right when she said Jaha found the bunker so it belonged to Skaikru. The Conclave never should have existed in the first place and Skaikru never consented to it. They only participated because they didn’t have a choice. Trikru held the Polis Tower and would never let Skaikru inside. Jaha is entirely, 100% to thank for finding the Bunker. No one else believed him, no one else even tried. He put in all the work and all the effort with the sole intention of saving his people, not all Grounders. Grounders wanted to reap all the benefits of his work without putting in any of the effort themselves. Which is an excellent parallel to when Azgeda marched on Arkadia with the sole intention of stealing their ship to survive themselves. Grounders are scavengers. They are not innovative and don’t make things themselves. They simply steal.

Secondly, as stated in episode 4x12 by a Skaikru member, Grounders don’t even know how to run the Bunker. When choosing their 100 survivors Grounders got to favor whoever they wanted on their list. Skaikru didn’t have that luxury. They had to favor “essential personnel” and people with the skills to help them all survive for 5 years. Grounders were getting a free ride and Skaikru were the ones doing the hard work, providing, and helping them all survive. That was never fair.

Thirdly, Octavia deceived Skaikru by fighting as their Champion only to turn her back on them once she won. If Skaikru knew Octavia would condemn over 300 of them to death when she won they never would have chosen her to fight for them. She wore the Skaikru dog tags and then turned around and said she was never fighting for them once she won. If she wanted to fight for Wonkru she should have made her own dog tags and announced her intentions clearly from the very beginning. Because of her actions Skaikru actually never had a Champion in the Conclave, and therefore never had a chance. It is deceitful, it is manipulative, it is wrong. Even Luna said from the very beginning she was fighting for death so no one would have the Bunker. She was honest and upfront.

Fourth, it wasn’t treachery for Clarke and Jaha to steal the Bunker in 4x10. They found the Bunker thanks to Jaha, it belonged to Skaikru and Grounders stole the Bunker first. Clarke and Jaha merely stole back what was stolen from them in the first place. It was almost laughable that Grounders had done nothing but steal from Skaikru and then were scandalized and offended when Skaikru finally stole back. Especially since according to the rules of the Conclave the Skaikru champion won so they were entitled to the Bunker regardless, who cares when they moved in? The end result would have been the same.

Second, why sharing it at all with the Grounders was a mistake:

As stated in Point 2 above, Grounders didn’t know how to run the bunker, and when choosing their Survivors they favored warriors. Which in 4x02 will prove to be a mistake, as there will be chaos and violence in the Bunker.

Skaikru had previous experience living in close quarters with limited resources. They knew what it would be like and were prepared emotionally and psychologically for the claustrophobia and lack of privacy. They also had the knowledge and skill to run the bunker as well.

Grounders have clan rivalry and hatred among each other that is almost entirely uncontrollable. Even Lexa who was well respected by every clan and believed to be divinely chosen struggled to keep everyone in line and dealt with mutiny. Instead of sharing the Bunker entirely even with every clan, it would have been wiser to have more people from just one or two clans. For example, Trikru and Skaikru get along well, so just having those two clans live with 100% of their people would have reduced inner conflict within the Bunker and random acts of violence.

Octavia thought she was being fair by splitting the Bunker evenly, but she wasn’t thinking logically or critically. She saw the Grounders as just another tribe. But they aren’t. They are warriors who favor a very violent and bloody lifestyle. Their motto is “Blood must have blood”, they teach children from a very young age to be killers, they practice slavery, they don’t think it’s wrong to kill children. etc. To Octavia it was a Unity Day. But all she did was condemn everyone in the Bunker to be trapped with killers. 

Say what you will about the Ark, but people were still able to be happy and live relatively normal and functional lives. (Albeit in a strict totalitarian sort of way.) Children didn’t live in fear of someone breaking into their room at night to kill them or eat them. The Bunker is a Horror House. The children growing there will grow up in fear and will never know a normal childhood. And based off the trailer and sneak peeks for 4x02 I’m certain that episode will showcase that again and again.

Octavia may be a violent person, but she doesn’t favor death when there’s another way to coexist. If Octavia was forced to implement fight pits just to control her populace it means she had no other choice. Literally the only way for Octavia to keep everyone alive was to introduce Controlled Killings, like the motherfucking Purge.

In the end it works out a bunch of killers are living in the bunker, because they’re going to need those sociopaths to help fight against the Elgius Corporation. (Elgius outnumbers them but the Grounders have been trained to fight their wholes lives and it looks like when the Clans chose who would survive in the bunker they favored warriors. A battle between Elgius and Wonkru would be like the Persians against the Spartans. Elgius doesn’t stand a chance.) This is likely why the writers made the decision to share the Bunker and create a space of death and violence in the first place. It’s not about what was most peaceful, most reasonable, or most logical. (Which would be letting Skaikru keep the Bunker.) The writers were coming from a perspective of “What’s the most interesting way we can do this?”

When I say I think Octavia made the wrong decision and the Bunker is a living nightmare, this is what I mean. When I say I think Clarke and Jaha were in the right in episode 4x11, this is what I mean.

#the 100 lb #liveblog #mytext #mymeta #the 100 meta

[korydwenlavellan]

Korydwen Lavellan

So apparently @ironbullsmissingeye did a great Inquisitor Fact Sheet so Here I am doing it.

Age: 80, yes she’s old.

Gender: female

Race: Elf

Religion: Atheist

1 cute fact about your Inquisitor: she’s a great storyteller and very good at voice impression, though she couldn’t really show it to the INquisition

A picture or description of your Inquisitor’s favourite location: Skyhold’s crypt. There an energy in that cave that feels soothing. She usually goes there and watch the valley through the hole while Dagna and the blacksmith banter in the background.

Who your Inquisitor romanced/would like to romance(can be a picture or description): Solas. She immediately felt that he was older than he appeared (though she never imagined HOW OLD AS BALLS he actually is) and his views on the Fade were a breath of fresh air that was wonderfully fascinating and distracting from the chaos around her. He was also the only one not bothering her constantly about being a somehow godlike figure that she should embrace. On the contrary, it was helping keeping her sanity that he was supporting her in not acting all mighty and “I totally am the Herald of Andraste”. She regularly went on rants to him about people worshipping her after long days. 

Something creative of your Inquisitor(Fic, Art, picture, or another fact):

Info about your Inquisitor’s childhood(was it happy/sad?):

Her childhood was mostly happy and uneventful, although she had some struggles when she realized that her not believing in any gods wasn’t a very widespread attitude. She learned to hold her tongue and to navigate the constant well-meaning pushes from the people around her to make her “believe”. 

When time came for her to choose a Vallaslin, the only one that she could make sense of was Falon’Din’s. Not because she worshipped him but because she was never truly afraid of what would happen after death. Around that time, she became the Keeper’s second of her clan. She also married and had twins, one boy and one girl. Unfortunately her husband died during a bandits attack. She found love again a few years later when the Lavellan clan met another Dalish one during one of their travel. Her lover was a beautiful, although a bit too religious and superstitious huntress. They couldn’t always be together but they had a beautiful and long story. She passed away at the beginning of the 5th Blight.

1 random fact about your Inquisitor: She’s twice grandmother.

Your Inquisitors usual companions: Cassandra, Varric, Cole, Solas

Are they a rogue, mage or warrior? What’s their class?: Mage, Knight-enchanter

Who did your Inquisitor chose to rule Orlais?: Celene and Briala

Who did the leave in the Fade and why? Alistair stayed behind, after learning what happened to the Divine, she had no more hope for the Grey Wardens and Alistair didn’t have anyone else left on Thedas unlike Hawke who had Fenris and Varric.

Favourite advisor?: She immediately took a liking into Josephine and how adorable and avoiding of violence as much as possible she is. She became close to a niece to her.

1 happy fact about your Inquisitor?: She is feeling extremely relieved to have dissolved the Inquisition. She knits to deal with stress and she’s a very fast knitter. She made scarves to her entire paty and she was touched to realize that in his haste to leave, Solas did took the one she made for him.

Did they save The Chargers?: Yes; she couldn’t sacrifice them so coldly, and she had hopes the Qunari could hold their ground..

Do they use a mount? If yes, which one?: ALVAR WAR NUG

Did they chose the Mages or Templars?: Mages, she didn’t see how the templar could be more helpful to close a breach into the Fade than mages, plus templar always gave her the creeps..

Did the disband the Inquisition or not?: Yes. She actually wanted to disband it as soon as she closed the very last breach. Being the leade of a small group is one thing, leading a political army is another. Plus having to be on her toes constantly because of spies made her skin crawl. And using assets that Solas knew all about seemed to be counterproductive to her. But her primary reason was that she wanted to stopped to be worshipped and to get back some control of her life.

1 sad fact about your Inquisitor?: Discovering, too late, that her grandchildren joined Fen’Harel’s troops after their mother (her daughter) died in labor, and were killed. They were barely out of their teenage years and it devastated her. It also furthered the divide between her and her son who never really like that she wasn’t a very conventional mother.

Favourite Dragon?: Mythal’s

Opinion of the Qun?: She listenes to Bull talk about it but most of it makes something recoil in horror inside her. The terrifying imperialistic use of it doesn’t help its cause. She finds it extremely limiting people’s potential.

Opinion of the Dalish?: She always have been thankful to be born in the Lavellan clan as it was one of the most open toward the rest of the world of the clan she could meet. She doesn’t hate them but sometimes, they’re inability to question anything or to try to look deeper into their own culture tires her and frustrates her. She does have some Dalish pride, as in it’s the culture she has been raised in and she loves some aspects of it, but she always was fascinated by all the other cultures her clan encountered and one of her dream was to be able to walk through those without fear and with only wonder. Meeting the Alvar was one of the best moment in her life.

Opinion of The Chantry?: Deep, deep, deep annoyance and exasperation and frustration and controled wrath against it.

1 headcanon for your Inquisitor: The Spirit that Solas sees attached to her is actually a Spirit of Life. And the Anchor rejunevated her body which made her wrinkles disappear through time (which deeply disturbs her)

What did they think of Inquisitor Ameridan?: Deeply saddened by his tragedy and how his lover preferred to die with how heartbroken she was. She was also horrified by the idea of Ameridan being stuck for 800 years and it was a sort of relief that he didn’t seem to realize how long has passed. It did made her more at peace with the nasty things people were saying about her. All in all, it made her accept that history books will most likely be telling a very twisted story about her (if any, that’s why she asked Varric to write it) and that she might very much become hated and reviled in century to come. It made her recenter her mind into the present and not what people were and will be saying about her.

#korydwen lavellan #lavellan #inquisitor #dragon age inquisition #dragon age #inquisitor fact sheet

[carcair]

Long text post incoming!

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

Carcair is their full name. It was heard in the dream and given to him by another Sylvari. To Carcair it means the color that lies between purple and crimson.

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?

Loradair Aman Caillte, Shil Memne, Ulidh Dronach. There is a story behind each title, but it is on Carcair to tell them :>

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory?

His childhood was perfect and awful at the same time. Most his good memories feel bad to him.

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

Carcair has no memory of his mother, since he only ever saw her… from below. That sounds wrong, but he never saw her face or talked to her. He neither hates nor likes the Pale Tree. He feels that she is a hypocrite like most Sylvari despite her good intentions.

Carcair finds calling Mordremoth ‚father‘ ridiculous and thinks Sylvari who do have some serious issues.

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?

Carcair has adopted several siblings during his life. Each relationship is unique and meaningful on a different level.

At the moment Amarylles is his sister, a sylvari alcoholic and necromancer. She is, pardon, a real pain in his ass and his main reason for mental breakdowns.

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

Carcair suffered through most of his classes with much complaining and groaning. He dropped out of his warden training voluntarily after his (glamorously failed) final exam.

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood?

That depends entirely on how you define 'friend'. There were many people who liked him, many people who hated him and many people he used.

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals?

Carcair never really cared for animals, though nowadays he raises an Elonian raptor.

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals?

Carcair is mostly neutral when it comes to animals. He appreciates their honesty but has no need for cuddling. Since he is very aware of nonverbal communication most animals get along with him fine. Some individuals might be intimidated by his brisk demeanor though.

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

Carcair has no idea how to act around cubs of fleshy races. Why are they so stupid? Why can’t they talk like a real person? Can’t you just throw them in a pen where they play with the dogs?

He does get along with most saplings though. They are blunt and lighthearted and fun. He is extremely indulgent with young people (not children) of all races (at least for his standards), brings them candy (yes, some people find that creepy) and protects them when he sees need for it.

Carcair has been mentor for two saplings, which went surprisingly successful.

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?

Carcair considers meat, milk and eggs disgusting but will still eat it when he sees a reason. Also, he has cannibalistic tendencies.

12. What is their favourite food?

Carcair prefers fruit, especially berries. Sweet berries.

13. What is their least favourite food?

Everything bitter, everything smelly.

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?

His last food-related memory is when a friend invited him to the most expensive restaurant of Divinity’s Reach. He usually doesn’t care for food, but that icy fruit and tender meat impressed even him.

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

Carcair does not cook. Never. Under no circumstances. He likes his food raw.

(This is a lie of course. He cooks human flesh like everyone else.)

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it?

Sometimes Carcair collects trophies of his prey, for example krait teeth. He also keeps a list of his headshots and… another, more secret list.

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

There are no photos in Guild Wars 2 and Carcair has no use for holograms. However Carcair would love to possess a big, colorful painting of himself…

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else?

Carcair deems books and music extremely boring. He does go to the theater though from time to time… even though these human plays tend to confuse him.

If he had a favorite genre, it would probably be action with lots of guns and explosions.

19. What’s their least favourite genres?

I’m pretty sure he would hate young adult and teen content.

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

Carcair feels nothing when hearing music. It is like any other sound to him and turns into white noise if he has to listen to it for too long.

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

When Carcair loses his temper it is easily seen by his fastening, red glow. The only occasions I can think of were when something very important was taken from him. Even when he is completely furious he still tries to think about his actions first, but he will take greater risks.

Carcair only loses his temper out of anger. Patience isn’t his greatest strength, but if someone bugs him about something he will mostly shrug and get rid of them. He doesn’t want to waste his time on situations that are no fun, so he usually won’t even try to be patient.

He can however be extremely patient when he is on the hunt. As a sniper and scout he can wait for hours, even days for his prey to show up.

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

Carcair has a strange code of honesty and will tell people to their faces if he doesn’t like them, though he will still talk badly of them when they’re not around. He usually doesn’t use insults since those are too unrefined provocations. If he's angry enough he will spout very coarse insults though, mostly those typical for the Lion's Arch common folk.

Carcair does not consider himself creative when it comes to insults.

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

Carcair’s memory is on the better side, though it works (like for everyone) very selectively. He will forget immediately what he considers boring, but he will remember words of interest for decades… and use them against their speakers, if need be. His long term memory is more remarkable than his short term memory.

Carcair will remember names and their persons easily, so easily in fact that many people who met him once wonder why this random Sylvari knows their name. There is one exception though: humans (and to some extent norn). Their names are too long and bland to him, and he can’t remember their faces at all. If Carcair remembers a human, he does so by their voice and hair.

This is in part because Carcair’s brain, as a sylvari, works mostly with colors, scent and unique features (like thorns or blossoms). Asura tend do be colorful and have strange hair, and Charr have unique fur patterns and horns. Tattoos of norn help to some extent. All this leads to one fact: humans, to him, all look the same.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

Carcair does not snore. If he would, enemies could easily find him when resting in the wild. He also does'nt need much sleep. Usually the night has enough hours for him to catch some sleep.

Carcair adores soft beds and pillows. It is his major weakness when traveling as a mercenary – he hates tents and sleeping on hard ground.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humor? Are they funny themselves?

Carcair loves witty banter. There is not much to add to this, because it can extend to almost everything – people insulting him with style, flirting, creative innuendo, dumb puns.

On a darker side he sometimes finds violence extremely funny. This is highly situational, but he can definitely laugh at the pain of others (especially if he deems them idiots).

People tend to find him funny, although there are enough people who find him extremely unfunny. His way of joking is also not understood by everyone.

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions?

Carcair neither hides his happiness (if there is no special reason for it) nor will he dance and sing. If he is in a good mood his smile will be wider and his interactions more benignant (though he usually is friendly and smiles all the time). If he is really happy he will dissociate with an even wider smile and daydream about his experiences.

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

Carcair has not cried once in his life. He's not even sure if he is physically able to – maybe his eyes just can’t squeeze fluid out? Or maybe it is because the feeling of sadness is a foreign concept to him. He has never felt it and can not truly relate to sad people. Why would someone sit there, cry and waste their time suffering? (Carcair has a personality disorder and this is one of the few ways it shows in an obvious way.)

This is Carcairs answer. What I can add (and he wouldn’t understand) is: He has one feeling that is very close to sadness. When he loses something he truly treasured, without any way to get it back, ever (if there is even the slightest chance he will just go straight to work), he feels completely empty. It is not even an extremely negative feeling, it just is. His emotions fade. He will just sit there, wondering what to do now, but the emptiness drains him of any will.

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

Another feature of his personality disorder is his lack of fear. Carcair can worry slightly and can feel shock, but he doesn’t truly fear anything.

Carcair doesn’t like physical pain and being tortured (who does, though? ... Except everyone who puts up with Carcair, of course). His biggest fear is probably opening up to someone and them leaving him. However, his feelings for such betrayal are hate rather than fear.

When scared (i.e. very concerned) Carcair becomes quiet and will concentrate on thinking his next actions through. When he stops joking and talking it's usually a sign of such (mild) concern.

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective?

As Carcair has few sadist tendencies he usually respects people’s wishes and will not bring up their greatest fear. If those people are his ‘property’ and he considers their fear reasonable, he will protect them. If he doesn’t care much about a person or deems their fear silly, he will tease them. If neither is the case, he just won’t talk about it.

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

Carcair exercises almost every day for several hours. He has a lazy side, but as his life depends on surviving fights he never really gets out of shape. Since he understood that his shadow magic grows stronger the more he hones his physical skills he exercises excessively. For a Sylvari he is rather muscular by now.

Carcair's emotion concerning exercise is simple determination.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

Carcair doesn’t like alcohol, mostly because it makes people smell disgusting and it makes people stupid. He does drink from time to time, usually because a true mercenary is expected to be an alcoholic. If drunk he gets silly and carefree, and not angry at all.

He does like drugs though and consumes them regularly. As long as they smell as bad as booze…

He will tease drunk people and is disgusted by heavily drunk people. When hungover he is very grumpy, but usually he flushes out the alcohol with a lot of water. This is his strategy as a plant.

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

Carcair dresses in his own red leaves or tight leather, mostly coats. Very rarely he goes to a tailor, usually he just looks for interesting clothes wherever he goes. He likes vaguely exotic stuff like norn leather and Elonian fashion.

Carcair is extremely vain and will only wear what he loves, perfectly matched in fit and color.

When he is just chilling inside or sleeping he wears extremely comfy and wide linen shirts and pants. They, still, are always clean and new.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

He wears leaves as underwear, though he thinks of it less as underwear and more ‘decoration for is divine body’. The concept of underwear is vaguely comical to him.

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

Carcair is neither short nor average, but something in between (1,71 m). Since most male RP characters are at maximum height he seems short in comparison, while most female RP characters are at minimum height and he rejoices at the sight of any woman who is taller than him.

I used to describe Carcair as very slender, though not at all petite, and sturdy enough to do his job. But he has been training very hard this last year and by now is more athletic than most Sylvari (at least Sylvari in medium armor). He still is nowhere near a beefcake though.

Carcair considers his body absolute perfection. He still upgrades it with claws and leaves (and prefers not to run around nakedly as he'd lose those upgrades).

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure?

Carcair does not actually do anything he is ashamed of (since he has no actual conscience). He knows that there are some things other people wouldn’t look kindly upon, like drugs, unnecessary violence and his soft spot for antisocial people.

Most things he considers fun are problematic, or at least many people would think so. I think one completely innocent fun activity of Carcair is dressing up and visiting fancy events. He usually doesn't even crash them :>

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

Carcair is good at shooting and smiling (hence his jobs: mercenary and barkeeper, and the hybrid of both: spy). He has few real hobbies since his job is what he wants: kill, break, obliterate people. He spends most his free time exercising for fights as he plans on surviving them. This means exercising with rifles, pistols and swords, climbing, running, sneaking and spellcasting.

I have never heard Carcair sing, he probably never tried it. I suspect he wouldn’t be good at it because his voice is rather rough and soft (not in the good way, in the I-can't-sing-clearly-way!).

His other activities include spying on people, watching people, manipulating people, seducing people and laughing with/at people.

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?

Carcair does not read fiction. He considers it extremely boring – why not live through an adventure yourself? Like most forms of art poetry does… simply nothing to him.

He does read non-fiction though, and is rather comprehensive and fast at it. This is mostly related to his work in the Order of Whispers. Information is everything after all. He still doesn't think it's fun.

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

Carcair admires prowess above everything else. This is mostly related to skills used in combat, though a sharp mind never ceases to impress him. Someone who knows exactly what to do in the heat in battle, if surprised or under extreme stress…

On the other hand, skills like cooking or singing don’t interest him at all. He considers those a waste of time, sign of a weak mind.

There are few skills that Carcair wishes to possess. If he wants something, he works for it until he excels in it. The few exceptions are intelligence – he does not know how to train this, though he considers himself smarter than almost everyone else – and mesmer spells – though he wants those mostly for shenanigans.

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging?

Carcair does not write letters often, but when he does, they mean something. He is able to express some things in text that he would not say. He feels like letters give him a protective distance from the recipient. Also, you can't tell how ironic a text message is...

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

Carcair would never rely on drugs to do his job properly. He hates dependence. He does love anything sweet though.

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

Carcair has no sexuality, though he comes equipped with a rather complex system of attraction. As stated above he adores competence. In addition he easily falls for quip, social intelligence, determination, strength and deadliness. Also he has a rather strange stance on morality of people. His view of ethics is so conflicting that I'll need to write an essay on it separately.

Physically, he adores bright colors, dark skin, a symmetrical face and clear, hard lines. Also he judges people's noses. He does not like soft bodies and overly beefy people (Buff Charr with soft fur are fine though >:) ).

His needs in relationships are primarily these two:

First, his partner needs to absolutely adore him. This is not debatable.

Second, his partner needs to respect him (but Carcair doesn’t necessarily respect them back). Carcair does enter relationships with not much respect from either side, but those tend to last no longer than a few months.

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

Carcair wants to win ‘the game’, the only game that matters: life. He wants to win life. However, this does not mean that he is absurdly competitive in every way (but he is in many ways). Carcair is only ambitious in fields he deems important. This is mostly related to survival, but means in no way avoiding any risk. Carcair does not want to hide, he wants to take everything out of life that is worth living and cheat death at the same time.

This means his goals are mostly skill related. Carcair wants to be better, better than other people, better than himself, better than nature. His goals include becoming the best sniper on Tyria, becoming the best shadow magician on Tyria, becoming the deadliest person on Tyria, becoming the most elegant person on Tyria, living through the most absurdly dangerous adventures and making the most attractive people on Tyria fall for him.

(This list could be continued for quite a while.)

His secret ambition is probably to be a master of manipulation. He wants to control people without them noticing… or even if they notice, they don't care because they adore him so much.

Also, he wants to be in a position where he can kill everyone he doesn’t like. Let’s hope nobody gives him that kind of power.

Carcair would sacrifice anything (except his life) for his rifle, and would sacrifice almost anything (except his life and his rifle) for two or three people whom he considers worthy of this sacrifice.

(He does however almost daily risk his life for friends or even strangers. This is mostly not out of duty and altruism but because of his lust for adventure and being owed by others.)

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

Carcair knows for a fact that the gods exist (Balthazar killed quite a few people) but he sees no point in worshipping them, since they have been ignoring humanity for ages. Where worship is a transaction for favors (like with the Spirits of the Wild) he does see the point, but Carcair’s only deity is Carcair. He would never place someone else above himself.

Worshippers of human gods are idiots in Carcair’s opinion. He does not understand the Eternal Alchemy at all but suspects that the asura have scientific proof for their belief. He approves the religious stance of the charr (and other agnostic people).

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most?

There are no real seasons in the Caledon Forest. Carcair craves sun and warmth. He does not sweat and won’t mind the greatest heat, though his dark skin can become extremely hot in the blazing sun. His favorite season in northern lands might be early and late summer.

Some sylvari hate the cold, some sylvari don’t even feel the cold. Carcair definitely can feel the cold. He doesn't like it.

Carcair complains most about the cold. By far.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

People have extremely varying opinions on Carcair. Some see a insufferable narcissist who hides his insecurities behind loud talk of his grandness. Some see a cruel egomaniac. Some see a moralizer who thinks himself above everyone else. Some see him as a broken individual, wounded by the world and unable to trust anyone anymore. And some see a charming, friendly, loyal, supportive, polite and romantic person.

I guess everyone notices his sharp tongue, though.

It is very difficult to relate these assessments to Carcair’s own view of himself. For example Carcair just doesn’t care if his love for himself, his body, his skills, his mind and his knowledge is genuine or just a coping mechanism. He has heard this accusation again and again, and it doesn’t hurt or even touch him at all.

He agrees with most of the other common sentiments. He thinks he’s a vicious egomaniac, he thinks he’s morally superior (though there are people whose integrity he places above his own), he knows he’s rather suspicious and untrusting (though only to people who don’t deserve his trust! … which is everyone.). He considers himself extremely charming, smart and perceptive. Also he often cannot stand other people’s lacking decency, though he wouldn’t describe himself as a decent person.

There is one situation where he starts laughing (internally) though: When people tell him he had a good heart, he was selfless, kind, caring, he is shocked, flattered and disturbed at the same time.

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

This depends, as stated above, completely on the person he’s interacting with. There are women who’ll throw their panties at him after five minutes of banter and there are women who will try to strangle him with their bare hands after he said a word. It doesn’t depend on social status and race, too; Carcair is flexible when it comes to adapting his speech, appearance and mannerisms.

I cannot at all tell if his first impression and his later impression are the same or completely opposed to others. Does Carcair wear an impenetrable mask or does he not wear any mask at all?

But for most people, I suppose, what they see of him on the day they first met is what they’ll see of him for the rest of their lives. If a relationship is superficial at first, it stays that way in most cases, though there are, of course, exceptions. On the other hand there are people who will get him to talk about more personal things in mere minutes than his year-long friends have ever heard of him.

For Carcair, attraction and chemistry is everything.

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

Carcair loves dressing up. If it was permitted to men he would spend hours searching for the perfect grown and accessories (although he considers jewelry extremely nonpractical, so that hypothesis of me might be wrong).

As for men there are decidedly less options, Carcair only has one or two suits (and one top hat) in his possession. He will still spend his money on some fancy suit if someone gives him an excuse.there wer

When he visits a fancy party the whole thing is just another adventure to him. He can blend in perfectly or crash the whole event – this depends entirely on what he thinks to be more fun.

He does not like stiffness though. He would probably become bored quickly if he had to attend such events on a regular basis. As a mercenary and sylvari this doesn’t happen often.

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend?

Today Carcair is probably more of an organizer than a consumer. He is a people-person and likes social gatherings, so he started creating events himself. He will usually be at the center of the crowd, talking to all acquaintances and strangers in equal measure.

Carcair is always in a good mood at social events. If he isn’t, he won’t show up.

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

In descending order: his rifle, his pistol, his sword. Though Carcair is not usually seen as sentimental, he has an array objects that were gifted to him. He is diligent when it comes to these, even though some of their associated memories are bad ones.

He takes his weapons everywhere indeed.

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

Carcair never travels with more than a backpack. He would take his rifle, sword, pistols, daggers and knifes, maybe some grenades if there’s still place for it. Everything else is optional. Fruit, carrots, water, tents and mats for living. Money. A plate. Nightshade nectar. A gasmask. An aqua-breather.

#oh my god so much text #there were really interesting questions #he is such a dumbass #about carcair #oc prompt #oc asks

[mittensmorgul]

2.13: Father, is that Michael? (Sam points vaguely in Dean’s direction)

aka: It’s not an angel but holy crap that’s uncanny... and what is “God’s Will?”

TELEVANGELIST: You don't have to suffer, you don't have to be lost. The lord is talking to you right now; he's saying, you are my child and you have a purpose! You think God forgot about you? I tell you no! All you got to do is listen! Can't you just hear those angels singing? Isn't it beautiful? It's time. It's time to receive the message he's sending. It's time to listen to the Word of God! Do you hear the glory? I said, can you hear it? I said, can you just hear the glory?

So we start out with Dean having lost his identity, and his ability to hunt effectively, because of the lie Sam told in 2.12. He’s bored and grumpy, obviously. (Magic fingers to the rescue?)

GOOD VS EVIL, and what is “good” and what is “evil.”

Sam, struggling with the fear that he himself is going to “turn evil” under the influence of the demon, is so desperate to believe in something good here. God, angels... anything that might be able to redeem him from what he fears is his destiny.

Dean, meanwhile, fights him every step of the way on the existence of angels, or even God. We learn that Sam has always prayed, while angels are one of the few creatures Dean’s always had on his “bullshit list.”

SAM: And you've got angels on the bullcrap list. DEAN: Yep. SAM: Why? DEAN: Because I've never seen one. SAM: So what? DEAN: So I believe in what I can see. SAM: Dean! You and I have seen things that most people couldn't even dream about. DEAN: Exactly. With our own eyes. That's hard proof, okay? But in all this time I have never seen anything that looks like an angel. And don't you think that if they existed that we would have crossed paths with them? Or at least know someone that crossed paths with them? No. This is a, a demon or a spirit. You know, they find people a few fries short of a happy meal, and they trick them into killing these randoms.

Belief is a powerful thing, though. These people truly BELIEVED they’d been given instructions by an angel. And Dean keeps insisting it’s not an angel, while Sam tries desperately to believe.

(and Dean’s right, it’s not an angel it’s just the spirit of a priest who’d been murdered... but Sam’s also right that there might be some greater force in the universe...)

SAM: You know, we're just happy to be here now, Father. FR. REYNOLDS: And we're happy to have you, we could use some young blood around here. 

(oh gosh it’s a bloodline going back to Cain and Abel, culminating in Sam and Dean Winchester, the youngest of that bloodline... >.>)

FR. REYNOLDS: That's right. The archangel Michael, with the flaming sword. The fighter of demons. Holy force against evil. SAM: So they're not really the Hallmark card version that everybody thinks? They're fierce, right? Vigilant? FR. REYNOLDS: Well, I like to think of them as more loving than wrathful. But, uh, yes, a lot of Scripture paints angels as God's warriors. "An angel of the Lord appeared to them, the glory of the Lord shone down upon them, and they were terrified."

(it’s like the apocalypse encapsulated into its simplest notion right here in three lines)

They learn that Father Gregory had been murdered on the church steps two months ago, and Dean immediately latches on to Gregory as a potential vengeful spirit who could be responsible for these deaths. He would have the “insider information” on the victims from hearing their confessions. But Sam is still stuck on this notion that God could be intervening, because Father Reynolds started praying for God’s help right around that same time.

He just needs so desperately to believe in something greater, to feel like he’s not fighting this battle against “the evil inside himself” all alone. *spends five minutes crying for Sam*

Because he wants so badly to believe, Sam believes he has seen an angel while they were investigating Gregory’s grave. And what the “angel” told Sam when he asked what this person he’s supposed to kill has done wrong:

SAM: Actually I did, Dean. And the angel told me. He hasn't done anything. Yet. But he will.

(sort of like Sam hasn’t done anything wrong yet, he hasn’t gone “darkside”)

SAM: Dean, the angel hasn't been wrong yet! Someone's going to do something awful, and I can stop it! DEAN: You know, you're supposed to be bad too, maybe, maybe I should just stop you right now.

(and there it is, Sam’s biggest fear. Dean’s, too.)

SAM: Yes! Maybe we're hunting an angel here, and we should stop! Maybe this is God's will! DEAN: Okay, all right. You know what? I get it. You've got faith. That's — hey, good for you. I'm sure it makes things easier. I'll tell you who else had faith like that — Mom. She used to tell me when she tucked me in that angels were watching over us. In fact, that was the last thing she ever said to me. SAM: You never told me that. DEAN: Well, what's to tell? She was wrong. There was nothing protecting her. There's no higher power, there's no God. I mean, there's just chaos, and violence, and random unpredictable evil th-that comes out of nowhere, and rips you to shreds. You want me to believe in this stuff? I'm going to need to see some hard proof. You got any? Well, I do. Proof that we're dealing with a spirit.

And there’s the rub. Mary was the one who had faith, but she died. Her faith wasn’t enough to save her from evil. Sam was willing to just let this one go, but Dean wants concrete proof. “That's one of the perks of the job, Sam: we don't have to operate on faith. We can know for sure. Don't you wanna know for sure?”

So when Sam sees the “sign,” the person he’s supposed to stop, DEAN goes after the “evil” guy while Sam goes back to the church to summon Gregory’s spirit. Because Dean’s not operating under Sam’s “compulsion.” He can follow the evil guy without being forced to kill him against his will, like Sam may have been vulnerable to doing while he believed he was acting on some sort of Divine Orders.

Poor Sam has to try and explain to Father Reynolds why he’s performing a seance in the crypt. The stage directions here explain it perfectly:

As FR. REYNOLDS pulls SAM to the exit, a familiar bright glow builds behind them. They turn, FR. REYNOLDS in awe, SAM in disappointment. FR. REYNOLDS: Oh my god! Is that ... is that an angel? SAM: No, it's not. It's just Father Gregory.

Sam’s disappointed, because Dean was right. It’s not an angel. It was the spirit of Gregory all along.

SAM: Father, I'm sorry. But you're not an angel. FR. GREGORY: Of course I am. SAM: No. You're a man. You're a spirit. And you need to rest. FR. GREGORY: I was a man. But now I'm an angel. I was on the steps of the church. And I felt that bullet pierce right through me. But there was no pain. And suddenly I could see . . .everything. Father Reynolds, I saw you, praying and crying here. I came to help you.

He truly believed he was an angel, and was acting to answer prayers. He’d created a similar sort of metaphysical mathematics that Sam had been trying to make for himself, balancing out the “evil” inside himself by saving as many people as he possibly could. (which I mentioned in my 2.11 post)

Gregory truly did believe he was helping people, and doing it on God’s orders. And heck, maybe he was.

FR. REYNOLDS: How can you call this redemption? FR. GREGORY: You can't understand it now. But the rules of man and the rules of God are two very different things. SAM: Those people. They're locked up. FR. GREGORY: No, they're happy. They've found peace, beaten their demons. And I've given them the keys to Heaven.

(this strikes me as similar to the sort of “happiness” Sam thought Dean was experiencing in 12.11. Peace IS NOT happiness. Like this post postulates, heaven is about peace, not freedom. It’s not about “happiness,” which comes from free will-- at least in Dean’s mind it does. What these people experienced was the utter LOSS of their free will. Their “burdens” were taken from them and they’re just left to exist, just like the sort of memories that are conjured in Heaven. NOT happiness, but peace, at any cost.)

FR. REYNOLDS: No. No, this is vengeance, it's wrong. Thomas, this goes against everything you believed. You're lost, misguided. FR. GREGORY: Father. No, I'm not misguided. FR. REYNOLDS: You are not an angel, Thomas. Men cannot be angels. FR. GREGORY: But . . . but I, I don't understand. You prayed for me to come. FR. REYNOLDS: I prayed for God's help. Not this. What you're doing is not God's will. "Thou shalt not kill". That's the word of God.

Yeah, God says a lot of stuff that contradicts the other stuff >.>

While all this is going on, while Sam’s faith is breaking, Dean witnesses something he has no words for. He stops the man Sam had been given the sign to kill, about to rape a woman. The ensuing car chase ends in one of the most awesome things I have ever seen on this show. I totally get why Dean thought it might be an act of God’s will...

And then in 11.20 Chuck’s autobiography included chapters that pretty much explain this situation:

Chapter Ten – Why I Never Answer Prayers, and You Should Be Glad I Don't

Chapter Eleven – The Truth About Divine Intervention and Why I Avoid It At All Costs.

In s12, there’s still this element of doing things for the “greater good.” Preemptively killing people for their hidden “evil” intentions-- even if there’s pretty good evidence that they are actually going to carry out those evil intentions-- is a level of enacting “justice” that’s treading way too close to hubris.

Gregory used humans as weapons to target other humans, predicated on the belief that they were doing God’s will-- even extending to the murder of people who hadn’t yet even committed any crime.

Well, this is exactly like the BMoL killing all the monsters, whether or not they’d committed any crime. And yet again, Sam wants so desperately to believe in the righteousness of that mission, just for very different reasons this time around. He’s long since come to terms with whatever “evil” he believed he’d been tainted with, but now it’s finally about Mary, and in a strange, twisted way, restoring her “faith” that Sam lost long ago, finding redemption, finding peace.

Even if the premise that peace rests on is a misguided delusion like Father Gregory’s was.

#spn 2.13 #spn 11.20 #spn s12 #angels and souls #that's what free will is #the story became the story #hubris is bad #s12 meta rewatch

[heavenly-garden]

2, 6, 16, 21

2: have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?

answer: can I say seth macfarlane? i know he is not a writer of novels and stuff but I love him, we think alike. For actual writers i’d say virginia woolf, her writing inspires me and speaks to me on a personal level.

6: are you religious/spiritual?

answer: more spiritual but recently got in touch with god, had some divine experiences i cant explain, have made peace with myself and the world, i am filled with light and love, i have always felt the presence of angels, spirit guardians, fairies, other magical beings and god himself was always with me and i didn’t admit it to myself until very recently when i had an epiphany, a light bulb turned on in my mind and i said thank you to him for being there and i know him now, like a father who is loving but also helping me grow past pain and suffering into a better existence, a more peaceful one, i feel like i can face any challenge i am given because i know i’m not alone, I never was, he was always there I didn’t recognize him at the time, my heart wasn’t as open as it is now and I know that he loves me no matter what. You’ll never see me in a church or going to religious gatherings, i’m not that kind of person, my beliefs are personal and my relationship with god is personal, he has helped me become more tolerant towards his followers, I don’t feel uncomfortable around them all the time like I did before but also i felt like there was a wedge between me and god, one I created in myself due to pain and anger but also there were people in my child hood, people who claimed to be his followers who used to be cruel to me, calling me a witch girl and demon child because i was born in a pagan/witchy family. I now know those people were acting out of anger, there didn’t like my family to begin with so they assumed I was no better, they jumped to judgement, that is not right and I know god loves me and accepts me for who I am because I was born this way, I am here to help people and magic can save the world, not just condemn it like many believe. People who fear what they do not understand will never be at peace with the supernatural unexplained aspects of life. 

16: if you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same?

answer: Hmm spiritually I am more awakened, mentally I am aware, my heart is open…I feel like I am in a good place and happy to be me but if I had turned out differently I would imagine a person with a healthy brain, not mental illness or trauma or abuse in her past, I would like to imagine myself as amy flemming from heartland, a horse whisperer type who loves animals, especially horses, living on a ranch with a good wholesome family who stays together through hardship. My family fell apart for different reasons,violence, illness, drama…I’d like to imagine a life where my family not only stayed together but are still alive. 

21: do you love easily?

answer: I love lto ove and I do love easily but to me love comes in many forms, it isn’t just romantic love, I already have that with my husband who is also my soul mate and life partner, I also love my friends, family and random strangers I meet who I see suffering and are in need of some love and light in the form of a nice warm hug or simply giving them some of my time and listening to them and offering some kind of support.

#answered questions #reply