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fushiguro-megloomy · 9 months

Text

not in love

a/n: i just kinda pulled this outta my ass, it was also only suppose to be like 1k words but here we are. xoxo // photos are not mine, check masterlist description for header & banner credits synopsis: classic he doesnt realize he's in love with you until your gravely injured trope. wc: 4.2k (i dont wanna talk about it lmao) tags: fem!reader x megumi warnings: not proof read (when is it ever lol), use of she/her pronouns, lots of angst, talk about blood, wounds, hospitals etc etc

In the Jujutsu headquarters, a buzz filled the air as Megumi, Nobara, and Yuji gathered around the table for dinner. Laughter and banter filtered out from his friends, but tonight, Megumi pushed his food around absentmindedly, lost in thought.

The mission was straightforward – eliminate a mid level curse swiftly. Yet, time stretched on, and unease crept into Megumi's mind. Why the delay? It should have taken an hour, two at the most, but you’d been gone all day. He pondered the possibilities, his friends' chatter fading into the background. Megumi's gaze fixed on his untouched meal, his thoughts racing. What if something went wrong?

“Fushiguro? Hey!”

Nobaras voice pulled him from his trance, her and Yuji staring at him from across the table.

“You alright, man?” Yuji inquired, his words carrying a note of worry as he swallowed a mouthful of food.

Megumi blinked, his expression unchanged as he refocused on his surroundings. He looked at his friends and gave a slight nod. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking."

Nobara raised an eyebrow, her skepticism evident. "About?"

A small huff escaped Megumi's lips, brows knitting together. "Just wondering why that mission is taking so long."

Yuji leaned forward, his tone becoming more serious. "y/n’s? You suspect something?"

Megumi's gaze remained steady, his emotions concealed beneath his calm demeanor. "There's a possibility. This mission should have been straightforward. She should be back by now, right?"

Nobara's eyes gleamed with determination. "Listen, y/n knows what she’s doing. She’s dealt with plenty of mid level curses before, this one is no different."

Megumi acknowledged Nobara's words with a nod, his focus unwavering. "I know. It's just unlike her to be gone for this long without a word."

“I’m sure she’s just preoccupied. She probably already got back and just went to lay down. I know I’m always tired after a mission.” Yuji offered.

"True, she's probably just tired," Nobara added, a hint of her usual mischievous grin playing at the corner of her lips. "You're just overthinking."

Megumi conceded with a sigh. They were probably right; you were perfectly capable. Yet, the nagging worry persisted, causing him to steal glances at his phone discreetly beneath the edge of the table. He scrolled through his messages, searching for any unread notifications or missed calls, but there were none to be found.

Yuji, always quick to pick up on subtle cues, noticed Megumi's actions. He and Nobara shared a glance.

Leaning back, crossing his arms behind his head, Yuji spoke in a casual tone. “I guess if I was in love I'd be pretty worried too.”

Megumi's head snaps up towards his friends, a mix of surprise and annoyance in his expression. His attempt at maintaining his composed demeanor falters, his facade cracking just slightly.

“Yeah,” Nobara continued with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. “I can’t imagine if I didn't hear from the person I was in love with for hours on end.”

Megumi's pause is momentary, his raised eyebrow accompanied by a slight glare that attempts to mask his unease. "What are you idiots talking about?"

Nobara leans forward, a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. "You know, just how you’re in love with y/n? It makes sense why you're so worried."

Yuji chuckles, enjoying the playful banter.

Megumi's attempts at regaining his composure fall short as his friends' teasing continues. "You're both insufferable." He said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Nobara and Yuji are grinning, clearly pleased with their successful teasing. Megumi's subtle reactions don't escape their notice, and they exchange knowing looks before bursting into laughter.

"Aw, Fushiguro, don't be so embarrassed," Yuji says, still chuckling. "It's cute."

Nobara adds with a mischievous grin, "Yeah, we're just looking out for you, man."

Megumi rolls his eyes, his exasperation only fueling their amusement. "You two are unbelievable. I am not in love with her. I’m simply a concerned friend."

Nobara's eyebrows shoot up in mock surprise. "Really? Because from what I remember the day Gojo-sensei introduced her to us you’ve been different. Less…” She trailed off searching for the right words.

“Doom and gloom!” Yuji chimed in, earning a nod from Nobara.

Megumi falters, a soft sigh escaping him. "Alright, maybe I've grown accustomed to her presence. But that doesn't mean—"

Nobara interrupts with a teasing grin. "Doesn't mean what, Fushiguro?"

Megumi's gaze narrows at her, but the corners of his lips twitch almost imperceptibly. "Doesn't mean anything more than what it is."

Yuji leans in, his voice a teasing whisper. "You know, they say denial is the first sign."

Megumi lets out an audible groan. "I don't know why I even bother with you two."

"Because we're your favorite people," Nobara quips, her grin unrelenting. Yuji nods enthusiastically.

“I’m leaving.” Megumi states, rising to his feet.

Nobara and Yuji exchange triumphant glances, their teasing having achieved its desired effect. Megumi's exit is met with amused laughter as he attempts to escape their playful taunts.

Megumi made his way downstairs, pushing past the outside door and making his way into the main courtyard. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he checked for any messages again, his brows furrowing in frustration as he found nothing. He jammed the phone back into his pocket, quickly shaking his head. He couldn't let their words get to him. He wasn't in love with you – they were just being delusional. You were a friend, a coworker.

As he reached a bench, he sat down heavily, his thoughts swirling. His mind replayed snippets of conversations, shared missions, and stolen glances. He couldn't deny the camaraderie that had grown between you, the way your presence seemed to bring a sense of calm amidst the chaos of his world. Sure you were skilled, funny, oh and don't forget drop dead gorgeous. But that didn't mean anything. Right?

He sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "This is ridiculous," he muttered to himself. "I'm overthinking everything."

But no matter how much he tried to brush it off, he couldn't ignore the nagging feeling deep within him – the feeling that maybe, just maybe, there was more to his concern than he was willing to admit. His mind wandered back to that day, when Gojo first introduced you to the group.

Final semester, Grad year

“I don’t understand,” Yuji exclaimed, looking at Satoru from his seat on the ground. "We're nearly about to graduate, how are we getting a new student?"

Megumi chimed in, his gaze fixed on the horizon as usual, elbows propped against his knees. "Yeah, it just seems unnecessary."

The white-haired sorcerer smiled, his tone carrying a sense of assurance. “Well, it’s just as I said. One of our sister schools was dissolved. They just didn't have enough students, so they’re being absorbed. Kyoto is getting most of them, but we've also accepted one here since she’s on the same level as you all.”

“She? Oh yeah, that’s all I need to hear. We need more women around here.” Nobara quipped, her excitement palpable. “Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in testosterone now that Maki’s gone!”

Yuji laughed at Nobara's comment, while Megumi's lips twitched into a small, barely noticeable smile. The anticipation of a new student brought a sense of excitement and curiosity to the group.

"I wonder if she'll be as strong as Maki," Yuji mused, his eyes filled with a mix of wonder and excitement.

Nobara shrugged. "Well, Maki was a force to be reckoned with, but that doesn't mean this new girl won't have her own unique skills."

Megumi's voice, typically reserved, joined the conversation. "It's important for us to be open-minded and willing to adapt. We can learn from each other."

Nobara smirked, a playful glint in her eyes. "Looks like Fushiguro is getting all philosophical on us."

His lips quirked up a fraction. "Just stating the facts."

“From the looks of her paperwork she’s quite something.” Gojo beams. “But I suppose we will have to see for ourselves.” He checks the time quickly before looking back to the group. “Speaking of, she should be here any-”

“Gojo-sensei!” A voice calls out from the distance, carrying a hint of sheepishness.

Satoru is quick to spin on his heels, a welcoming grin plastered on his face as you approach. Yuji and Nobara quickly peek over their teacher's shoulders, trying to catch a glimpse, while Megumi remains seated on the ground, staring off into the distance with disinterest.

As you draw closer, a mix of nerves and anticipation settles in the air. Your gaze meets Satoru's warm smile, his playful energy adds to the atmosphere. The courtyard seems to hold its breath for a moment, the excitement tangible.

"You must be our new addition," Satoru says with genuine warmth, extending a hand.

You return his smile, shaking his hand firmly. "Thank you, Gojo-sensei. I'm excited to be here."

There's a pause before he yanks you forward into a hug. “Oh aren't you just adorable! We're so happy to have you!” He exclaims, squishing your cheeks. Your eyes widen in surprise at the sudden affection but you can’t help but laugh.

You nearly stumble as he releases you, smoothing the front of your uniform as you're greeted next by a pink haired boy and a girl with a bob.

“Sorry he’s a little eccentric. I’m Nobara kugisaki.” She says, shooting a look at Satoru. You shake her hand with a grin.

“I prefer lovable.” He says still flashing an award winning smile.

“Yuji Itadori.” The pink haired boy chimes in, butting his way in front of Nobara.

You greet Yuji with a friendly smile. “It’s nice to meet you!” You chirp, nerves settling a little. There's a slight pause.

“Fushiguro don’t be a dick,” Nobara scolds, turning your attention towards the boy with spiky black hair sitting a few feet behind the exchange. “Introduce yourself!”

Megumi let out a sigh, turning to give you a cursory glance. His words seemed to dissipate as he did a double take, one that didn't go unnoticed by his peers.

His dark eyes met yours, and for an instant, time seemed to slow. There you were, bathed in the soft glow of the courtyard, a hint of pink dusting your cheeks. Your presence seemed so warm all of a sudden. His heart seemed to beat a bit faster as he took in your appearance. Your features were delicate and captivating, with eyes that held a depth of kindness and curiosity, inviting him to unravel the mysteries that lay within. Your smile, though fleeting, had an innocent charm that tugged at something deep within him.

To the untrained eye, Megumi seemed unfazed, his serious demeanor never breaking. But his classmates and teacher knew him better than that.

“y/n.” You gleamed, breaking the momentary silence extending a hand. “Nice to meet you.”

He stood, meeting your outstretched hand. Satoru and his classmates eyed him with an amused grin, but he didnt notice.

“Megumi Fushiguro.”

“MEGUMI!” Satoru's voice sliced through Megumi's thoughts, yanking him from his trance.

As he looked over, his heart seemed to stop in his chest. In the distance, in Gojo's arms, was your small form, laying limp.

“Megumi, call Shoko and tell her we’re on our way.” Satorus voice rang in Megumis and for a moment he was frozen.

“Fushiguro, now!”

Panic surged through him, every ounce of his being jolted into action. Without hesitation, he reached for his phone, his fingers fumbling slightly as he dialed Shoko's number.

His voice was trembling as he spoke. "Shoko, it's Megumi. We need you to meet us in medical, it's an emergency."

The urgency of the situation hung heavy as Megumi disconnected the call. His gaze remained fixed on your motionless form as Gojo approached, his shirt stained with blood. You were barely conscious, breathing shallow and labored. Bruises marred your body, stark against your skin. A deep, ugly gash carved into your collarbone and hip. His mind raced as he processed the gravity of the situation.

“What-” Megumi's voice croaked, his throat tight as he struggled for words. He fell into step behind Satoru as they burst into the building, urgency propelling their movements down the corridor. “How did this happen?”

“The job information was wrong.” Gojo stated, his voice deceptively calm. “There was a mid-level curse, but there was a special grade that nobody knew about.”

Megumi's gut clenched. The realization that you had been ambushed hit him like a physical blow. Gojo's calm demeanor grated on Megumi's nerves, the contrast between his nonchalance and the gravity of the situation unsettling. He knew Satoru was always one to keep his cool, even in the most dire circumstances, but Megumi's worry for your well-being was a relentless undercurrent beneath his typically composed exterior.

The doors to the medical unit were in sight and Shoko stood waiting, her expression was a mix of concern and readiness. Megumi's steps quickened, his heart pounding in his chest as he approached the medical unit. As they reached the doors, Satorus gaze met Shoko's, a silent exchange passing between them.

Without a word, Shoko stepped aside, following them in as you were placed down on one of the medical tables. As you were carefully placed down, the jostling movement caused a sharp, pained wail to rip its way from your throat. A small trickle of blood spilled from your mouth.

The sound cut through the air, a haunting echo that stung Megumi's ears and tugged at his heartstrings. He was by your side almost immediately, hands hovering slightly, wanting to take your hand. Wanting to try and give you some comfort yet not wanting to hurt you. You looked at him, with a lidded, teary gaze, reaching for his hand.

“Megu-” Your weak voice started, but you froze, megumi watching in horror as your eyes rolled back in your head, your whole body tensed up before beginning to shake.

"She’s seizing,” Shoko stated, quickly abandoning the medical tray beside her. “Her brain isn’t getting enough blood.”

She gripped down on one of your shoulders. “Help me hold her down, we don't know how bad her internal injuries are. I don't want her to risk causing further damage!”

Megumi's hesitation was brief, his hands quickly finding their place as he followed Shoko's lead, Satoru at your legs. The sight of your body wracked by the seizure filled him with a helplessness unlike he'd ever felt.

As the seizure subsided and your body began to relax, Megumi let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. Shoko quickly assessed your condition, her hands moving with practiced precision. Megumi's gaze remained locked onto your face.

Shoko's voice was a steady anchor in the chaos. "We need to stabilize her. Get her on an IV and monitor her vitals closely." She paused, looking at Megumi and Gojo. “You guys gotta go. My team needs to work and you’ll both be in the way.”

Megumi's immediate reaction was to protest, his concern for your well-being driving him to stay by your side. But before he could voice his objections, Gojo gripped his arm, a silent command to comply. With a final, lingering look, Megumi took a step back before Gojo led him out the door.

Once outside the medical unit, Megumi and Satoru were met with the wide-eyed expressions of Nobara and Yuji. Their questions came fast and frantic, a whirlwind of concern and confusion. Satoru stepped forward, his voice a calming presence as he explained the situation, attempting to reassure the worried pair. But for Megumi, the sounds of their voices faded into the background.

He stared down at his hands, now stained red with blood, your blood. His vision blurred and his ears rang. God, he should've been there. He’d known something was off, he felt it in his bones. His knuckles went white as he clenched his fists. What if-

A hand came down on his shoulder, bringing him back to reality and nearly causing him to flinch.

“It’s gonna be okay Fushiguro.” Yuji said, giving him a squeeze. “She’s gonna be alright. You should go get cleaned up” He said, eyeing the blood. Satoru was already making his way down the hall to get cleaned up himself.

Megumi shook his head, swallowing hard. “No.”

“We’ll all wait right here, until Shoko updates us, yeah?” Nobara offered, smiling weakly and nudging Yuji.

The pink haired boy hesitated for a moment before nodding in agreement, his grip on Megumi's shoulder tightening briefly before he released it.

Time seemed to stretch on, the minutes pushing into hours. Nobara and Yuji had shifted to sit against the wall, lumped together, barely keeping their eyes open as the night rolled in. Megumi, on the other hand, couldn't bring himself to sit. Restlessness gnawed at him, he paced back and forth, his steps uneven and agitated. He stole glances at the closed door, each passing moment felt like an eternity.

Seeing you in such a vulnerable and fragile state had torn through Megumi's heart with an intensity he couldn't ignore. He cared for you deeply, more deeply than he had allowed himself to acknowledge. His steps faltered, and he came to a stop by the window, his gaze fixed on the outside world but his thoughts centered on you. He couldn't deny it any longer. His friends were right. It was so obvious, staring him in the face. How had he just realized?

“You guys were right.” His voice broke the silence, turning towards his friends but unable to meet their eyes. They looked up at him, confused and groggy expressions.

“I’m in love with her.”

Nobara's eyebrows shot up, her surprise evident as she glanced at Yuji before back at Megumi. Yuji's lips curved into a small sad smile, his eyes softening with understanding.

Nobara recovered first, her tone gentle but teasing. "Well, it's about time you figured it out, Fushiguro." Yuji chuckled, nodding in agreement.

Megumi grit his teeth, looking back down at his hands and your now dried blood. “What if she- What if i can’t-” He can't find the words to continue, not wanting to speak the worst.

“Hey, don't say that, dude," Yuji's voice was firm yet reassuring, his eyes locked onto Megumis. "She’s gonna be fine. Shoko's doing everything she can, and we're all here for her."

Nobara's expression was equally determined as she added, "We've faced tough situations before, and we've come out stronger."

Their words were a lifeline, pulling him back from despair. Megumi let out a shaky breath, his fists relaxing slightly as he looked from Yuji to Nobara.

The doors opening pulled them from their huddle, Megumi whipping around to meet Shoko as she came towards them. The blood on her uniform had his stomach twisting nervously.

"Shoko," Megumi's voice was a mixture of anxiety and urgency, his eyes searching her face for any sign of hope or reassurance.

Shoko's expression was a mix of weariness and exhaustion, her eyes meeting Megumi's as she came to a halt in front of them. "She'll live," she began. "We managed to stabilize her condition and stop the bleeding."

Relief flooded through Megumi's veins, the weight on his chest lifting ever so slightly. His gaze remained locked onto Shoko's, his gratitude and worry warring within him.

Nobara's voice broke the tense silence, her tone a mix of concern and curiosity. "But...?"

Shoko's gaze never wavered, her words measured and somber. "She's still unconscious, and there's significant trauma that we need to address. It's going to be a long night." She sighed. “You all need to go get some rest, and Megumi you need to clean yourself up.”

Nobara gripped his arm, giving a supportive squeeze. "You heard her," she said, her voice firm yet compassionate. "We need to take care of ourselves too. Let's go get some rest, Megumi."

Yuji chimed in, his expression mirroring their collective sentiment. "Yeah, she's right. We'll be back here first thing in the morning."

Megumi hesitated for a moment, his gaze shifting from Shoko to his friends. The exhaustion that had settled into his bones was undeniable, and the prospect of a few hours of rest was tempting. He knew that taking care of himself was important not only for his well-being but also for your sake.

With a nod, he finally relented. "Alright. Let's go."

Megumi didn't wake until late morning the next day, the worry had wracked his body with exhaustion to the point he didn't remember falling asleep. He was quick to scramble out of bed, throwing on whatever was nearest and hurrying his way down to the recovery ward.

As he approached he saw Shoko and Satoru outside your room in conversation.

"Shoko, Gojo," he called out, his voice a mix of anxiety and anticipation. "How is she? Is she awake?"

Shoko turned to him, her expression tired. "She woke up a little while ago," she replied, her tone carrying a sense of relief. "She's conscious and stable."

A wave of relief washed over Megumi, his shoulders slumping slightly as the tension that had gripped him began to loosen. Satoru offered him a reassuring nod, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips.

"She's asking for you," Satoru added, his voice gentle. "I think she'd be glad to see you."

Megumi's heart skipped a beat at the mention of your request.

He nodded and quickly dipped into the room. Yuji and Nobara were by your side, engaged in conversation. Your laughter, though accompanied by a wince, was a welcome sound.

“Hey.” Megumi breathed, approaching the foot of the bed. You met his gaze and your face lit up, causing his stomach to flutter.

“Hey Fushiguro, I was starting to think you forgot about me.” you teased, your lighthearted energy a stark contrast to the situation you were in, bandages wrapped around your form and stitches lacing your body. It was refreshing.

A small smile played at the corners of his lips as he took his own seat next to the bed, his gaze fixed on you. "As if I could forget," he replied softly.

Yuji and Nobara looked at the pair of you and then to each other, sharing a knowing smile before rising from their spots.

“We're gonna go get breakfast.” Nobara chimed innocently.

“Yup, yup. We’ll come back in a bit,” Yuji added, a bit more obvious, leaving no doubt that their departure was intentional.

Megumi mentally facepalmed, but you seemed none the wiser. Giving them both a smile as they waved you off and quickly made their exit.

Once you were alone, you looked back at Megumi, giving a sheepish smile. “Sorry I caused such a scare.” You mumbled.

He shook his head, his expression softening. "No need to apologize. I'm just glad you're okay." His voice was sincere, his concern evident in his eyes as he met your gaze. "You had us all worried."

You nodded slowly, looking back down at your hands as they fidgeted in your lap. “I remember you being there before I blacked out.”

"Yeah, I was there," he confirmed softly. Your lips pursed.

“I’m sorry you had to see me like that.” You said, eyebrows knitting together.

Megumi took your hand without thinking. "Don't apologize," he replied, his voice gentle. "It was scary, but it made me realize something important.”

“Yeah me too.” You said, squeezing his hand in response.

“Oh?” Megumi raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. “You first.”

A playful exchange ensued as you hesitated, “No you first.” prompting each other to speak first, resulting in an awkward chuckle shared between you.

“Okay. I’ll go first,” Megumi finally said, taking a breath.

There was a brief pause, both of you struggling to make eye contact, the air thick with anticipation. And then, as if propelled by an unseen force, you both blurted out your revelations simultaneously.

“I’m in love with you.”

The words hung in the air, a powerful confession that seemed to reverberate around the room. Megumi's heart raced, his gaze locked onto yours, his dark eyes reflecting a mixture of surprise, vulnerability and confusion. You stared back at him, your own heart pounding, the admission leaving you both exposed and raw.

“What?” He questioned, almost not believing his ears.

You bit your lip, pausing for another moment before you spoke. “Megumi.. I’m in love with you, and I have been for a long time. I didn't think you felt the same way so I never said anything but almost dying made me realize I would rather you knew and-” The words were snowballing as you blabbered nervously before you noticed a smile curling its way onto Megumi's lips.

He leaned forward, grip tightening on your hand as a deep blush crept its way up your neck. “What are you smiling like that for?” You asked, voice now small and self conscious.

“I’m…” Megumi's voice trailed off, and he shook his head slightly as if trying to gather his thoughts. “I'm so stupidly in love with you too, and I just didn't realize how much until now.”

Another silence fell over the room as you both soaked in each other's words. You bit your lip, looking up at him with a grin, a giggle spilling from your lips. His own grin now plastered across his face in response.

“Well I'm glad we got that out of the way.” You said quietly, sucking in a breath as he leaned in.

“Me too.” He mumbled before his lips were pressing into yours.

©lulusworks 2023

#megumi fushiguro #megumi x reader #megumi fushiguro x reader #jjk #jjk x reader #megumi #i need him so bad #nobara kugisaki #yuji itadori #gojo satoru

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spectralsleuth · 7 months

Note

Saw you were lookin’ for some asks dont mind if I do 👀

To start off, I’m such a big fan of your writing! I genuinely look forward to every single update of yours and find myself rereading a lot of work in the downtime. You are such a good writer!! My never ending praises aside, here are some asks!

-You incorporate OC’s into your fics so seamlessly! They feel so natural in your fics that I legit get excited anytime they show up (srsly can’t wait for Lou Jitsu vs Hidden City, Sal’s my boy) lol how do you find the right balance when introducing and maintaining OC’s in your fics? I feel like that’s a particularly difficult balance beam to tread but you absolutely crush it.

-A previous ask you answered about Cass and Raph in LSoW got me thinking; how do the brothers handle humans crushing on them? Would they be receptive or dismissive? Do they develop crushes on humans- and if so, how is that perceived (by family or the general public)? The drama 👀

Last ask, I promise:

-I absolutely loved your crossover with Empathy is Learned! Got anymore crossovers planned in the future? Oooor if you could do a crossover with any other fic, which one(s) would it/they be??

Thanks for taking the time to even look at this! I hope these are some fun asks for ya :) I hope you have a lovely day!!

Omg thanks so much... I'm so happy people enjoy my writing it's crazy to me. I've written before, but it's always been just for myself so I never really know if it was good or not. (Years of text based DnD is to thank lol.) (Okay I got carried away answering this so sorry in advance.)

On OC's:

I got a lot of comments on LSoW from people who say "generally I don't like OC's BUT-" which is so funny and flattering. Because I am absolutely one of those people who don't care for OC's in fic.

Let me be clear: I LOVE that people write self indulgent self-insert of OC based fic, where they make the craziest off the wall story etc. Every time a fifteen year old writes a story about the cringiest Mary-sue/stu self insert, or non canon character, an angel gets its wings and I mean that one hundred percent. It makes me so happy I literally grin when I see it. I HOWEVER generally filter out the OC tags on AO3 when I'm looking for something to read myself.

So when I started posting LSoW I was expecting to get maybe like, 100 kudos MAX, maybe one comment or so. Which is great! I love writing niche fic just for me, and one other person who I assume I must be drift compatible with. I just could not figure out a way to write the story I wanted without a few OC's- Rise didn't have a big enough character catalog for me to draw from!

When I went to write the OC's, I knew that they had to have a very simple backstory, that was also very fleshed out. (Xander and Sal have full family, Dr. Heo and Carter have full jobs and history together, etc.) For another contradiction I wanted them to be interesting enough that someone reading wouldn't just be skipping ahead to when they weren't present, or just simply plowing through to get past the part where they were doing exposition. They had to be enjoyable! While also forwarding the story!

They also had to be distinct. Anyone who's ever watched a Whedon show or movie (Buffy, Firefly, Avengers-) knows what I'm talking about. It drives me nuts when the characters in a show are constantly the funniest person in the room, with the same personality traits, and the same girl boss/badass tendencies.

(Fandom challenge Impossible: Give a female fan favorite character another trait besides 'girlboss/mom/lesbian'. I'm dead serious.)

(Also a disclaimer: I LOVE making jokes and doing bits. I FANCY that I'm pretty funny, and I love making people laugh. But you can do that without making it a character personality trait. For example: Xander doesn't really crack any jokes in LSoW! He's just funny because we the reader know more about the situation and his thoughts than he does.)

But the BIGGEST THING I kept telling myself while writing the story, was DO NOT TAKE AWAY FROM THE TURTLES. Because the whole point of the story is the turtles! And Yoshi! The OC's are there to facilitate that. It's a hard balance to hit. I have all sorts of touchstones I keep in mind while I'm writing, and that's a big one.

(A SUPER good example of this done super well is @faiakishi 's Bella from Dawning of the Hour. She's a great OC that's super interesting, and a super important narrative element, but she never detracts from the main story. Big Bella fan here lmao. There's also the rest of the OC's/interpretations of franchise characters (TIGERCLAW), but Bella stands out as truly original.)

On the Turtles dating Humans:

(CW: CSA mention, SA mention, non graphic talk of minors dating etc.)

I actually talked a lot about this to @/tangledinink in feverish discord chats lmao.

When the boys were growing up they got a very detailed talk from both Yoshi, and their Doctors. ONE: Because nobody will know better than themselves if something was medically wrong with their bodies, TWO: The boys are all intersex (minus Mikey) and they had to understand that there was nothing wrong with them on TOP of the turtle thing, and THREE: Because Yoshi knew the boys would be getting a lot of attention, and you never know what kind of attention that form will take.

THE BEST WAY to protect children (any child) from being sexually assaulted or abused, is making sure they know what that abuse LOOKS LIKE. You don't have to make them terrified of being sexually assaulted, but them knowing how their body works, and also how to say NO and set boundaries, will combine to help make them safer.

Yoshi didn't know what would happen in the future and in a perfect world the boys would never leave his line of sight, but that's not always how things happen. (In a Short Season, Xander parroted Yoshi's instructions before going out to make sure the boys knew what to do if someone grabbed them (in any way) and it was to bite and be loud.) So the boys grew up knowing their bodies, knowing how to say 'no', and knowing that there was probably going to be people out there who would treat them as a novelty, and who wouldn't be appropriate to them as celebrities OR non-humans.

(Remember Emma Watson having to deal with that countdown to her turning 18? Or any other amount of child stars who had to deal with adults being predatory to them.)

But ALSO THIS IS HAMATO YOSHI. His sons are HANDSOME and HEARTBREAKERS! Leo has dated a lot but never anything seriously, and his inability to be intimate with anyone but family kind of puts a damper on any more permanent relationship. (He is gay.) He's the number one turtle people ask out because he's the most approachable. Because he made himself that way!

Donnie is in a sort of relationship with Kendra. (THIS WILL BE A FIC I'm working up to it lmao.) I have a head canon that Yokai and other empyrean based creatures are capable of having rivalry based relationships. IE Yoshi and Draxum in the canon show, the unhealthy dynamic between Yoshi and Big Mama, etc. (Caliginous relationship) Donnie is in a puppy love version of that with Kendra, while also lacking the context of yokai society to understand why he wants to punch her very badly, but also if anything happened to her he would die. They hate each others guts and also she was his first kiss. She is not a nice person I am not a Kendra apologist she's terrible I love her. (Donnie is bi!)

I know a lot of people head canon Mikey as ace, but he is a thirteen year old child you don't have to be head canoning him as anything. it is the very rare 13 year old who knows their orientation, and even if they DO I bet you donuts to dollars it will change eventually. This is normal and healthy. Mikey in LSoW has had puppy crushes on boys, girls, teachers, Violet, the mailman, Adam, and Rupert Swaggert. (Eugh eugh eugh.)

Raph is absolutely irresistible to the entire student body and is completely unaware of it. He's not stupid but he's face blind and bad at picking up subtext in conversations. He's gone to multiple people's houses and spent the whole day with them, without realizing they were trying to make it a date. (Raph is bi.)

All the boys have considered identifying as girls since their Dad is the martial arts equivalent of David Bowie and Fine With That, but have settled (for now) on being boys (age 10 the last time they considered this) because quote 'Lou Jitsu and Jupiter Jim are boys and they're awesome' unquote.

They don't get any fucking privacy for their relationships, and Leo in particular had a very bad experience that closed him off from dating big time. (Stamps 'THIS WILL BE A FIC' on this as well.) But also, as of the LSoW canon they are like, 12-14 and not doing a lot of dating ANYWAY. They are BABIES.

(Enter Casey Jones)

ON CROSSOVERS:

I have one crossover with my white whale of authors (you know who you are) I have pecked at with them that I think everyone will go fucking nuts for and love, but I won't mention it in case we can't get it off the ground! (A completely okay and normal thing to happen lmao.) I think that one will end up happening though because I am too excited about it, even if it's not any time soon.

I am super open to crossovers and cowriting, especially since writing with Li because I learned SO MUCH it was like speed running improvement.

The thing is it has to fit! There's some crossovers that wouldn't have a lot of substance because there's not really a lot to cover. When it came to EiL for example, there was PLENTY to cover and do, it was so fun! But other fics might not have a lot we could do for each other. (At least, not until I get some more world building done.)

That being said I do love talking crossovers with other creators it's so fun...

If you guys ever want to use my OC's feel free, just ask me in advance! I don't mind pings.

THESE ASKS ARE FUN THANKS FOR SENDING THEM I feel like you just threw a steak into my zoo exhibit. I am recharged and rejuvenated my crops are watered my skin is clear. This felt very pretentious to write I am mortified.

#ask #chealsieseysie #LSoW #rottmnt #tmnt #tmntau #IM SORRY ABOUT THE INFO DUMP #my fic #my writing

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lesferatu · 9 months

Text

I have read a lot of Welcome to Tumblr posts for reddit people and I agree with most of it but something I haven't seen has to do with tag etiquette. I've seen people say "do whatever" and I don't completely agree with that specifically. What they should say is "there is no specific tag for each community, so don't worry too hard about it and if you want to talk in the tags, that is more than encouraged" but there are a few rules

So here's some tagging guidelines:

Only tag what is relevant to the post at hand. If you have specific tags for organization of your blog, then you can use those. If you tag irrelevant stuff, not only is it super annoying and clogs up the tag but you will be reported for spam and that can get you banned. So chat and keysmash all you want but don't tag something that's trending to get more attention and dont mention characters in the thing you are talking about who arent mentioned in the post. The search function barely works as is on a good day, don't make it worse

If you are unsure what to tag, search what you are posting about and look at what other people are tagging. Keep the above rule in mind. You can save your post as a draft if you are in the middle of writing and can't search

If I remember correctly, the first 5 tags count for the search feature and the first 10 tags (? Could be 15) count for filtering tags, which is important for tagging spoilers and triggers, if you do that

On that note: Tag Spoilers for new media

If you do chat (which again is greatly encouraged and is, in fact, half the fun) remember that the person you reblog from and the original poster (or OP) will get a notification and will be sent your tags, so be respectful. You *are* yelling into the void but some of the void can read

I wouldn't use "prev tags" right now, since staff broke the ability to follow reblog chains easily, so it's hard to find what you are referring to. If you must talk to the person you are reblogging from, do something like "prev tags: [insert prev tags here]" or "[insert prev tags here] <- prev tags" in your tags then say what your going to say

And just cause I know this has been a problem in the past, if you are here for minecraft youtubers/streamers, Do Not tag your posts as "minecraft" or "mineblr". That tag is for people who play the game normally to share their builds and the like. Again, you can search the specific youtubers/streamer/smp to get the tag that most people use for that specific community or use "mcyt" to find the general stuff

And last but not least, you do not have to tag! It is a personal choice. It'll get your own posts to the people who might like it, some people like to organize their blog (not me lol,) and tagging spoilers is just common decency, but reblogs dont show in the search, only the og post, and you don't have to tag if you don't want to; the people who follow you/look at your blog will see your post and nobody else

Edit cause I just remembered this one: don't main tag hate. If you hate a ship and want to post about it, don't tag the ship. At least tag it as "[ship name] hate" or "[ship name] discourse" so people who like that ship don't have to stumble across it on the main tag and can filter it. Doesn't have to be a ship, could be a show or a hobby or a book. People who enjoy a thing have just as much right to have a good experience on here as you have a right to hate that thing. Stay civil, it's the only way this place is as chill as it is now (and I say that as someone who's been here since the beginning. Whatever drama you find on here now is Nothing compared to what it was on this hellsite (affectionate) before)

If you can think of anything else, please add, and if you have any questions, just ask!

#reddit refugee #tumblr culture #tagging #how to tag

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hgduo · 3 months

Note

JINX !! tell me why you ship Quackity x Luzu and why you dont ship Quackity x Wilbur I need to know the Lore

Hiiiiiiiii Vin! oh gosh- I'll try to condense this as much as I can OKAY SO...

yeah I don't vibe with tntduo 😭- I already talked about q!tnt so I'll just explain about c!tnt instead:

Why don’t you ship it: The Fandom. Listen I hate saying it but it really is 90% of the reason why- I always try not to let annoying fandom stuff sour my opinions but like... MAN- Because like I actually did really use to enjoy /r tntduo fuck man I was shipping it back in October 17th 2020 after the moment in the button room and especially after the famous Niki's birthday stream like- idk I just liked the dynamic and the chemistry it was fun! I was even still shipping it when I first started getting really into the c!fiances and was hyped when Wilbur and Quackity met up again... but then. IDK- something about the fandom take on their dynamic just didn't click with me it didn't feel like the same characters I enjoyed ESPECIALLY IN REGARDS TO THE WAY C!QUACKITY WOULD GET TREATED- like GIRL- Quackity would not cave and be visibly annoyed or flustered by the first jab Wilbur makes hello-??? or the fanart that would portray Wil as like completely disregarding Q's personal space as this 'teehee funny flirty' thing like I HATED that shit- I also just hated how when I tried to look up c!fiances content I had to filter like 5 million tags to actually find what I was looking for because there'd be so many c!tnt fics that had the fiances tagged in them and 50% of the time it was just so Quackity could break-up with them for Wilbur 😭 I also just like got sick of seeing it everywhere when I wanted to find c!Q content it felt like it was inescapable and that people only cared for my favorite character solely to mischaracterize him in a ship I was quickly growing tired of... yeha I think that sums it up-

What would have made you like it? Um.. All of the above not happening LMAO-

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it? Like I said earlier I DID really like it and I have tnt shipping mutuals who do the dynamic justice even if I got super burnt out on it (shoutout to Thes)

... So anyway uh- SO LUCKITY-

(this will be a lot shorter despite how much I have to say about Luckity I'm just really tired rn SORRY 😭)

This will be about k!Luckity specifically cuz I rly don;t have much of anything to say about q!Luckity outside of finding Arinckity cute

What made you ship it? Started for the fluff and stayed for the toxic ship 😈- GOD Quackity and Luzu fucking outdid themselves with Luckity in Karmaland V like dude it's just so good- like looking back on it the writing was already on the walls that they were so doomed from the very start- like they somehow manage to be both "it's tragic because it didn't have to end this way" and "it's tragic because it was always gonna end this way." if that makes sense. But god at the start it was just so easy to overlook the blaring the red flags because they'd give us just enough hope that it'd end well only for the rug to get pulled during the elections and the whole dynamic get's flopped on it's head but now instead of cute fluff or funny flirting it's this Angry passion and resentment- from start to end they were devoted to each other whether in hatred or in love. The build-up and payoff were both just amazing even if I felt miffed about the ending of the arc at first I've since come to love it because really it's just the cherry on top of their tragedy leaving the possibility they could just end up doing it all over again yeah <3 They were The Moment yeah!

What are your favorite things about the ship? A lot of things but like- I love that they're sun and moon coded <33333 I remember associating them with sun/moon imagery before they took those iconic photos with the sun and moon and like I was so hyped when that happened <3 my toxic sun/moon boys yeah <3

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? Not really no- but HEY check out this web weave I made about Luckity that I'm still super proud of and debate remaking one day: X :3

#vvindication #tntduo neg #ask

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theswordwizard · 10 months

Note

sorry ahead of time if this is a weird Q, i've been a follower for some time! i went to VCUarts but i dropped out when covid hit and for personal reasons i'm probably not going to go back even though i'd really like to, so i've been piecing together my own art education. were there any subjects/projects you were exposed to in the program that changed the way you approach art? one of the last classes i was able to take was a typography class and it opened my eyes to a design world i hadn't considered. you have such strong graphic design skills and it'd be really cool to hear what helped you develop!

Hey, thank you! and not at all - i totally get that, and i love talking about design lol. i rly enjoyed the gdes program but i kinda wish i could take it again now, i dont think i appreciated it as much as i could have when i was there 😭. as is life ig. i think def the biggest thing that i learned was about using typography and trying to develop an eye for it. im bad at the math parts of it but usually i can eyeball the negative space well enough. basically getting used to considering typography as graphic parts of a composition as opposed to just placing text on top of a graphic.

i think whats honestly most helpfully informed my own design work is honestly just trying to look at and collect as much "cool stuff" as possible. i follow a lot of random design instagram accounts (tbh u can just look thru the graphic design tags on insta and pinterest) even if i dont necessarily respect the artist (LMAO) even if they just do one thing rly interesting. also following some more experimental and a lot of art book/publication/zine accounts because theyre def gonna have some of the cooler graphic design work for print format especially.

one thing about insta (and tiktok tbh) thats both annoying and helpful is that with all the promoted posts you end up seeing a lot of whats currently "trending" for design, if ur following enough design accounts. like the truck sticker i just did on twitter is actually using an effect i learned from an insta reel that popped up on my feed lol.

one assignment from a class i rly appreciated was doing "make-a-days" where you basically made an image every day. didnt matter the quality or what it was but you just had to make something. it was good for experimenting and trying new things. also just picking a theme and making fake graphics/posters for my friends comics or something i liked.

i would also say that my personal biggest strength is that im just rly good at the programs, so i can ideate really quickly and its easier to figure out how to get a certain effect i want, and specifically how to copy a style I saw from something cool i saw somewhere :) outside my more bolder lines and compositional style (i dont have enough patience for rendering 99% of the time) i have a pretty flexible style because i usually have an end product or look in mind. also im usually inspired by other artists i follow online a lot too. but honestly just take the time to rly get used to ur program of choice and what effects settings and filters it has.

biggest advice is collect as many cool images as you can find and figure out what you like across them and how you can copy it for whatever ur making.

#varcahs speaks #also sry if u wanted priv lemme know and i can delete it rq #also sorry for rambling lawl. lemme know if u had anything specific u wanted to know elsewise as you can see #i love talking #but in all seriousness graphic design is super easy to learn on ur own

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buckys-black-dress · 3 years

Text

see through

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

a/n: i dont have much to say other than that it's 1 am and i needed to get this out of my system. chapter 4 of play the game is underway, i promise. also, there will be a pov switch in this fic!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. = POV change!

wc: 4.1k words

[ neighbor!bucky barnes x fem!reader ]

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Every Friday night, without fail, you saw the light filter into your apartment.

Notice how you said night?

Yeah, it was almost two in the morning, by the way.

And why was there light coming through the chiffon curtains you had hanging on the rod above your window?

(Great choice on your part, by the way.)

Well, because of your neighbor.

You've seen him a few times, actually. Usually on the street outside your buildings, or just out and about. Never spoke to him, though. He was quiet, kept to himself. Didn't seem very friendly or willing to exchange a greeting if he ever saw you.

But you never took it personally. Maybe he was having a bad day. Every time you saw him.

But that's besides the point. The point right now is that you can see the lights blaring in your room. From the apartment across from yours.

Should it even be possible for light to travel that far? I mean, we don't even live in the same building. You think to yourself as you watch the colors dance in the dark.

You debate getting up and yelling out your window to tell him to shut that shit off or to invest in some blackout curtains. You were tired of sacrificing your sleep every week.

But then you decided against it, because you quite frankly could not be bothered to get up from the warmth of your bed. You'd tough it out for the night, but the next time you saw him, you'd have a few words for him.

The next morning, it was almost ten when you woke up. You didn't have your shift at the coffee shop you worked at until three, so you took your time in making your way out of bed.

You noticed the curtains of your neighbor's apartment were still open, but you could see his figure moving across the room. He was clearly on the phone with someone, and he didn't look too happy. You wondered what could have him so angry at such an early time of the morning. He seemed like a person who could use someone to talk to, someone who he could vent to.

But before you let your thoughts get ahead of you, you turn away from the window, heading back into your kitchen to eat breakfast and get ready for the long day ahead of you.

"Hi, what can I get started for you today?" You ask as brightly as you can muster at the moment. You were halfway through your shift, another three hours until close.

"Uh, just a large black coffee." The gruff voice says, and it takes you a second until you look up and look closely.

It was him.

"O-okay, that'll be $3.27." You say, and he hands you a five dollar note before grumbling,

"Keep the change."

"Thanks, and your name?"

He gives you a look that's asking, 'what the fuck do you need my name for?'

"For the order." You try and salvage your dignity, because it feels like the stare shrunk you to a speck of dust.

"James."

That's all he all but growls before turning back to find a seat.

As your coworker takes over the cash register, you grab the biggest cup and fill it with his desired coffee.

You try to not think about it too much, but the anxiety you feel rising up inside you and just calling his name to give him his coffee feels absolutely ridiculous.

"Are you just gonna stare at the cup or give it to the customer?" The voice of your coworker, Jenna, rings in your ears and you look up at her, snapping out of the trance you were in.

"Sorry, I'm just a little out of it today, I guess."

"Everything alright?" She asks, and you nod.

"I'm fine, it's just... that's my neighbor." You nod your head towards where James is sat, in the corner by the window as he watches the raindrops run down the expanse of the glass.

"The one who doesn't let you sleep?"

"Yeah, but I don't think he'd take it too kindly if I tell him about that. He seems to have a lot on his own plate anyways," You explain, and she just nods.

"Well, that sucks, but you still need ta' give the guy his coffee." Jenna smiles and walks back to what she was doing before.

You gently slide out from your spot behind the counter and walk to his table.

"Here's your coffee, James. Enjoy, and- uh, let me know if you'd like anything else." You tell him while placing the steaming cup in front of him.

He murmurs a thank you that you barely catch, but you don't quite have the time to sit and wait for more of a reaction.

For the next several hours, James sits right where he was. He doesn't do anything in particular, either. He just watches outside, as the rain continues to pelt down on New York City, and as people come and go from where they were.

Eventually, about an hour left until close, you offer another cup of coffee.

"Do you want a refill? On the house." You ask gently, waiting to see if you'll get brushed off again.

"Uh... are you allowed to do stuff like that?" He asks, and you're a bit taken aback at the sudden concern.

"I don't think you should worry yourself too much, James. Free coffee's free coffee." You smile lightly, and grab the cup before filling it up without his confirmation. You could tell he wanted to say yes but didn't want to seem rude.

"You didn't have to..." He grumbles, and you simply shake your head.

"I know, but you've been here a while, and what kind of employee would I be if I let a customer sit here without any sustenance?" Your lips ply into a tiny smirk, trying to get him to loosen up a bit.

He seems so guarded, defensive. Like any moment, he's ready to run if need be, you inspect to yourself.

"You'd just be a regular employee, Y/N." He says, but the way he says your name makes a shiver run down your spine; and you can't tell if it's a good or bad one.

You unconsciously look down at your name tag, pinned to your black apron that's branded with the café's logo.

"Well, I felt like being nice. I hope you can deal." Your voice comes out short, but he knows you mean no harm.

As you walk back to the counter, you see a small smile playing on his lips, but he doesn't allow it to manifest on his face. You take that as a small victory for your last hour of work.

(bucky's pov).・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The girl who works at this café is annoying.

But she's got a nice smile. And she's nice to me, Bucky thinks to himself.

He sips on the new coffee you'd just poured for him, without his consent, he thinks bitterly.

But it was a nice gesture.

Why can't you just take a nice gesture?

Because your brain's been scrambled eggs for 70 years. You don't know what to think about anything these days.

He watches you fiddle with the espresso maker, cleaning it with a rag, which you then dip into a bucket.

You look extremely familiar to him, but he can't exactly pin where he's seen you before.

Bucky closes his eyes for a moment, trying to recall where he'd seen you, but for a moment, he comes up with nothing.

Ever since he's been living back in the real world, he hasn't been outside too much.

He goes on the occasional walk, or goes to the tower to see Steve and Sam.

But other than that, he spends a lot of time in his Brooklyn apartment. He watches movies that Steve suggests, or he invites Steve and Sam over to have beer and watch TV with him.

He hates how lonely it gets, though.

Bucky wishes that he had someone.

Someone who could understand.

And don't get him wrong, he loves Sam and Steve. They fill in the gaps in his days, and they make them better.

Sometimes, thinking about having something to do that day is what makes it. He likes having something to do, something to plan for for when his friends come over.

But it feels like a teeny, tiny part of his life is missing. A person shaped-hole in his heart.

But Bucky doesn't spend too long thinking about it, or it'll send him into a spiral about failure and how he needs to 'push himself to get out there more.'

Or that's what his therapist says.

"Hey, we're about to close, and we usually throw the pastries out at the end of the day. Do you wanna take these home, by any chance?" Your voice rings in his ears, snapping him out of the impending slippery slope of his lack of love life.

He hesitates to answer for a second, looking at the brown paper bag pinched between your fingers.

Bucky can tell you were nervous when you spoke to him. He knew he made you uneasy, and it killed him inside.

He hated that. He just wanted to have a normal conversation with someone. But everyone seems to know who he is.

Who he was.

"Uh, what is it?" He croaks, unsure of what to say at your gesture.

"It's a few cookies and a chocolate croissant."

"Sure, I'll take 'em." Bucky simply answers, watching as you hand the bag over with a soft smile and watches you walk back.

You sweep up the floor and put up all the chairs, except for the one Bucky's sitting on. You leave his table alone, and bid farewell to your coworker who was scheduled to close with you.

Bucky doesn't know what drives him to do it, but he gets up after he sees you walk out the door, and follows you home.

Damn, if you like a girl, you usually ask for her number or somethin'. Not follow her home to make sure she's safe, you idiot. Bucky's inner voice speaks and sometimes, he wishes it would just shut up because he knows he has no game nowadays, but this is all he knows to do.

He realizes the way you're walking is familiar, and not at all of the way he was supposed to be going. That made him feel a little better, less like a creep. He's about half a block behind you, and when you turn onto the same street he lives on, he's really confused.

Did you know he was behind you? Are you trying to play a trick on him?

But before Bucky can speak up or say something, you walk right past his building, and into the one right next to it.

All of a sudden, images of you right on the street in front of your buildings flash through his head. He's seen you because you're his neighbor. Bucky's seen you right there, getting ready to start your run through the neighborhood, or probably on your way to work, now that he's seen where you work.

But he feels like there's somewhere else he's seen you; somewhere familiar.

He shakes his head, wondering why he's so caught up in you. He thought you were beautiful, but he feels a pull to you that he's never felt with anyone else before.

Bucky's hands move to unlock his door, sliding the key in and twisting the lock open.

He enters, staring at his dark apartment. It's moments like this, when he spends a long day alone, that he wishes there was someone.

Someone to come home to, to hug, to kiss, to share dinner with.

Some to fall asleep with at night. Someone to keep the terrors of the dark away.

But there was no one.

And then his mind thought back to you. Your hair, your face, your warm hands that touched his while you passed him the brown paper bag of treats.

Bucky wishes he was man enough to ask you out. Not even that, just to talk to you. Have a normal conversation, to get to know you.

But that wasn't in the cards for him anytime soon, he thinks.

For now, he focuses on taking things one at a time. And right now, all he wanted was a nice, warm shower and to get at least three hours of sleep tonight.

He's in his room, forgoing the lights for now, before he looks out his window.

For a moment, he believes his eyes are playing tricks on him.

There's absolutely no way that you are standing right there, right outside his window.

Well, in your own apartment, of course.

And there's absolutely no way in hell that Bucky is watching you undress right now.

As soon as you pull off your top, Bucky turns around before he could get more than a peek of your black lace bra, and he feels a burn in the pit of his stomach.

He can't tell if it's shame, guilt, or arousal.

(y/n's pov).・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You couldn't stop thinking about James all day.

After yesterday, you wondered why you couldn't shake this feeling about him.

He'd made it quite clear that he's not a people person. Or maybe he just wasn't a you person.

But again, you tried to not take things too personally these days.

Sometimes, you wondered, though, as you looked through your bedroom window to his some nights.

You imagined what it would be like, watching one of those movies with him at night. Making dinner with him. Having coffee in the mornings before work, wondering what he did for a living.

You chastise yourself for your thoughts, thinking that you were crazy for these ideas you were coming up with out of nowhere.

As you pull off your clothes to get ready for bed, you feel the same emptiness fill your heart when your head hits the pillow, and another day has gone by where you're all alone.

The next day, your shift was at ten in the morning so you were up early.

You took your time in rolling out of bed. The warmth of your duvet was holding you down, and you couldn't help take a peek out your window.

You see that the room facing yours is finally housing a body in the bed. In all the time you'd been living across him, you've only seen him on the floor.

You feel a warm flutter at that. Whatever reason led him to actually sleep in the bed last night was, you hope you played a role in it.

You make your way to the café, and although walking in the rain wasn't ideal, you made it, somehow.

You clock in and head to the register, ready to take the millions of orders that come in through the day.

"Hi- oh! Welcome back. What can I get you?" Your tone of voice made it clear you were surprised, but was trying to not let it show.

"Uhm, just the same as yesterday, and... Can I get a chocolate croissant?" Bucky's gruff voice tells you.

You ring him up, wondering if you should say something about him being your neighbor. Although, he didn't seem too keen on looking you in the eye right now, and you wonder if you did something to make him uncomfortable yet again.

He seems to have this issue quite often.

Little do you know, this time, it isn't because of you or anything you did.

Well, nothing you did on purpose.

Nothing you were aware of at the time.

Anyways, you tell James to go take a seat and that you'd be right out with his order.

"Here you go, James," you place the plate and mug on the table, and this time, when you hear him say something, you turn around with furrowed brows.

"Sorry, I didn't catch what you said." You apologize, waiting for him to repeat himself.

"I- nevermind, it was stupid anyways. You probably have to get back to work." He mumbles while looking back down at his pastry.

"James, whatever it is, you can tell me." You offer with a kind smile. "I can come sit with you during my break, if you don't mind?" A hopeful smile crosses your face.

"Uh, I- yes, yeah, that would be nice." He struggles for a moment, but finally nods his head in confirmation along with his words.

"Alright, James. I get off in an hour for my break." You simply tell him with a soft grin, and you can practically feel his eyes burning into you as you walk away.

The blush creeping up your cheeks also stays there until the remainder of your shift.

As you plop in the chair across from James, you inspect him for a moment.

He was attractive, you'll admit.

Okay, he was more than attractive.

"So, James, where are you from?" You ask, your own cup of coffee in front of you on the table.

"Well, I'm Brooklyn born 'nd raised. Never was a time I didn't live here. You?" His lip twitches, looking out the window fondly.

"That's nice. I moved here when I was nine, so I guess I've been here a while. But no matter where I go, there's nowhere like home." You smile.

"There really isn't, huh? This place is irreplaceable." He gives you a crack of another smile, and you find yourself yearning for more from him. Just a tooth, something.

"Well, do you live around here?" You ask, deciding to play coy. You wanted to see what he'd say.

"Uh, yeah, actually. Over on DeKalb and Clinton." He clears his throat, the hint of a smile on his face melting right off.

"Huh, that's so funny. I live on those streets too." You grin, waiting to see his reaction.

"O-Oh really?" James doesn't really know what to say without giving away that he knows where you fucking live.

"Yeah, isn't that funny? Which building?" You're pressing, and you know he knows, but you're having your fun right now.

"T-the uhm... I live in the Washington." He's now making zero eye contact with you, and you're close to breaking.

"What a coincidence! I live in the Oakley!" You're in a fit of giggles when his face drops, you just can't help it anymore.

"James, can I tell you something?" You ask in a coquettish manner.

"Yeah, I suppose you'll tell me even if I say no." He gives a tight smile as a joke.

"I don't wanna sound like a creep, but I knew you lived in the Washington."

"Oh," James releases a breath of relief, "thank God. I knew you lived in the Oakley, but I didn't wanna sound like a stalker either." He says.

You laugh, sliding a hand on top of his resting on the table.

"Y'know, you do this really annoying thing where you leave your movies running on full brightness on your TV, and I can see it through my windows at night." You laugh at the incredulity of the situation.

"Oh... I never even thought of that. I'm sorry, Y/N." He looks genuinely remorseful, and now you feel bad for any bad thought you've had about the man that lives across from you.

"It's alright. No big deal." Your smile does a good job of convincing Bucky that you truly weren't bothered by his actions, but he still felt bad.

"Y'know, maybe I could make it up to you?" He asks, and you feel a blush moving up your chest. "Like, maybe over dinner?" His voice is timid, you can tell by the way he tilts his head down while speaking.

"James," you slide your hand into his this time, your smaller one resting in his large metal one. "I'd love to go out with you sometime."

Before he could react, you stood up from the chair.

"My break's over, but I get off at 3." You lean down and pull a pen from your apron, scribbling your number onto a napkin. "Here."

You walk away before he could say anything, but there's something about him this time that you notice.

He's blushing, too. And he's smiling. A bright, white, blinding smile.

You think of that smile throughout your whole shift, until you see he's still waiting for you when it's time to go.

"So, do you like Chinese or Italian better?" He asks with a crooked smile.

bonus scene:

six months later

You and Bucky are laid across your bed, the TV blaring a movie that neither of you are paying attention to. Your head is resting on his shoulder, leg thrown over both of his, and his hand running through your hair.

"You wanna know somethin' doll?" Bucky asks, and you feel his chest rumble under your head.

"Yeah, everything okay?" You ask while leaning up on your elbow to get a good look at him, trying to gauge his mood.

"Everything's okay, just remembered something." He laughs, his hand moving to hold your jaw in it. You shivered at the touch, but smiled fondly at the action.

"When I first saw you at the coffee shop, that first day when you gave the free coffee and pastries... I followed you home."

Your brows furrow and it's clear that you were confused as to why.

"I wanted to make sure you got home safe, and then it turned out that you lived right next to me. So I went up to my apartment and wondered what I'd done right in a past life to have you live right next to me, and then I saw you lived right across from me." His face was tipped upwards, like he was replaying that night in his head.

"You followed me home just to make sure I was safe?" You asked in disbelief that he did something so nice for you, when at the time you thought he hated you.

"Of course, sweetheart. It was dark out and there 're some real jerks out there, y'know." One corner of his mouth lifts up in a soft smirk. "Didn't want anything to happen to ya."

You lean down and press a kiss to the corner of his mouth, appreciating his gesture.

"I really thought you didn't like me back then, so this is a nice little secret you've been hiding from me." You giggle when he pulls you back in for a real kiss.

"Yeah, well, I don't think I could'a hated you if I tried, baby. You're too sweet. And at the time, I was still getting used to being out in the open without being a national security threat." You both laugh lightly, dropping your head down.

A moment passes where you bask in his words, letting them soak in. And then a thought hits you, and you can't help but become more curious. Now you need to know the answer.

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, hon." Now Bucky's brows are pulled together, and you reach up and smooth out the wrinkle with your thumb.

"Did you ever... see me doing anything in here? Like, I usually keep the curtains open, and even if they're closed, they're pretty see-through..." You trail off, giving him time to craft his response.

You have a feeling you know the answer, considering how he turns red like a tomato in an instant as words leave your lips.

"I... there was this one time, but I swear, I wasn't trying to peep on you or anything, it was the same day I followed you and I just so happened to look into your window, and you were getting undressed, but I swear, I turned away as soon as I saw what you were doing, baby-" He was rambling, trying to save himself from sounding like a complete creep after all he's just told you.

"Did you like it?" You ask, innocently, but he knew what you were trying to do.

"I-I- You were getting undressed, sweetheart, of course I liked it... are you kidding me?" Bucky's grasping for the words, trying to make you understand.

"Well... we could always recreate it, but maybe in the same apartment this time?" You cock your head to the side, your doe eyes stirring a feeling in his abdomen.

"I think that's an excellent idea, honey." Bucky's hands grasp your waist as you slide on top of his lap. "After all, I am a hands on learner."

fin. i hope you enjoyed!

#bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes smut #bucky imagine #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes reader insert #neighbor!bucky #bucky barnes au

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buckmepapi · 2 years

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really need to talk about something real quick but what the fuck?

tw below for seriously fucked up fic writers writing things that no one should be reading

i was on ao3 last night and i clicked the noncon tag bc tbh ive been reading more noncon stuff and enjoying it i think it’s because ive been victim to a non con situation myself but also ive been victim to prolonged physical and mental abuse and have c-ptsd because of it so when im reading a reader fic that features it for me it feels cathartic and i enjoy it bc its like im in control? idk if that’s how others feel but yeah

so any fucking way, im on there searching through that genre because i didnt know you could, so then i discover you can filter it through fandoms and relationships etc, so i couldnt see a reader one at first so i filtered with original characters bc sometimes people on their mark reader as both reader and original characters but when i did that all that was coming up was original work and i was like goddamn it, i scrolled through but i cant for the life of me read original work like that bc it doesnt feature a reader, so it’s not me and so it’s not me in control like it feels fucked up reading about someone else going through it if its not me who WANTS to read it anyway i come across one that had the most disgusting title after i realised what it was about and no im not going to repeat it, i look at the tags and i think is that really what i fucking think its about like????how are you still alive after writing something so vile like you actually deserve to have your head bashed in and so does everyone who even likes it or reads it...

i click on it, because i noticed it had comments, i scrolled all the way down so i couldnt see any of the fic bc honestly no id rather not subject myself to something so heinous like i just wanted to see wtf these people are saying in the comments because this is the first time my new to fanfics reading and writing ass has ever ever heard of this i was not even aware it was a thing at least i hope its fucking not and this was just a one off person who did this, but literally all of the comments were people saying “that’s so hot” etc and other shit, and only 4 sane people obviously seeing it bc they follow the non con tag i guess? and commenting on it saying “what the fuck is wrong with you” , “you should be in jail” and other insults and im just mortified that someone would write about something like this and people enjoy it????

i didnt even read it and i feel ill because i unwillingly saw the tags and title and that alone has made me feel triggered and i just my mind can not comprehend that there is a select group of people in our community that write about this? is this a thing? i actually want to cry like legitmately its upset me

so after that i discovered you can exclude tags, so i excluded the underage tag which i didnt even know was a fucking genre, but this person wrote an extremely underage fic like im talking smut about you know, im not even going to say the word in the same sentence like how is that allowed on ao3????? how are these people allowed to breathe? if you’re writing about that why are you thinking about innocent kids that way??? are you having thoughts like that around kids???? seek fucking help immidiately??????? like why is this allowed on the site????? those tags should be banned because i did not want to fucking see those tags at all

idk im rambling because i cant comprehend this, is this really a thing???? why are these people allowed to live????? who writes about babies, yes babies was apparently what it was about according to the tags, but im not fucking reading it to check and judging by the 4 sane comments i saw it was actually about that

i dont even know what to say, fuck this person who wrote it, fuck the people who read it, and fuck ao3 and its creators for allowing that on the site and those disgusting tags - tags dont work to warn people if the tags themselves are triggering fuck you you horrid cunts

#serious trigger warning #trigger warning #content warning #cw #tw #tw ab*se #cw ab*se #buckmepapi #k;#rant #vent #rantvent #rant post #vent post

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idontlikeem · 2 years

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i saw your post about not tagging the minnesota wild if you're talking shit, which makes sense but i had no clue

im completely new to tumblr and frankly, tumblr etiquette is so fucking different from anything else and i dont get most of it at all

any basic tips so im not being a dickhead accidentally?

hi anon! sorry for my delayed reply here, but i did a little crowdsourcing for this.

there really are only a few basic tenets to Curating Your Tumblr Experience So You Have Fun And Also Aren't A Dick:

-if you're going to trash-talk a team or a player, absolutely feel free! it's your blog, you're allowed to say WHATEVER you want at any time, anyone who doesn't like it doesn't need to follow you. BUT, don't tag those posts with the player's name or the team name, or the team's liveblog tag. that puts that post in front of the eyes of people who like that player and that team, and that's not nice.

-if you are following someone who posts lots of stuff you like, but suddenly they add a team/player you DON'T like, you don't have to unfollow them if you don't want to! filtered tags are your absolute best friend- a good place to start is the team lb tag, the team name, and the player name, and then voila like magic you don't have to read their (wrong) opinions about that (bad) team! :D it's the easiest way to achieve peace in our time.

-if someone posts or reblogs a gif or any other type of post that you want to reblog, but it's not your team/player/whatever, don't say so in the tags. things like 'ugh i normally hate this team but this is cute' or 'fuck [player] but i'd still climb him like a tree' (let's be real, that second one is basically always about sid 🙄) might seem harmless, but the person you reblogged from AND the person who originally made the post is gonna see those tags, and then we're right back to my first bullet point: forcing negativity about something someone enjoys directly in front of their eyes is not the move!

-if you see a post you like, reblog it! there are no algorithms here, your dashboard is always going to be chronological, so if you want something to get recognized for being funny or cool or good, the best way to have that happen is to reblog. the pens fanbase is really good at circulating content, and wildblr is so small that we're all just incestuously reblogging from each other anyway, so feel free to jump in! nobody gets annoyed if you're interacting with a lot of their posts in a row, so feel free to just scroll through someone's blog and go wild.

-related to that....interacting with posts is all well and good, but if you want to make friends, the best way is to reach out through DM. don't be shy! if the friendship vibes aren't there you and the other person will figure it out pretty quickly, but in the meantime nobody's gonna be like 'ew yuck' if you shoot off a message to say hi, or ask a question, or whatever! that's how friendships are formed :)

at the end of the day, hockeyblr is really 32 distinct fanbases in a trenchcoat. there's some overlap sometimes, but you can't assume that because you like team x AND team y that everyone will. everyone is allowed to enjoy what they enjoy, and it has no impact on anyone else, so find people you think are chill to follow, amplify what they post when you like it, and enjoy! :)

(if anyone else has anything else to add, drop a comment! i'm sure i've missed some stuff)

#asks #anon #hockeyblr #hockeyblr etiquette

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incorrectmyhero · 2 years

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hi same anon again. i think there's a lot more room for not tagging it as anti-thing if it's actually meant to be a discussion, it's mostly just posts that are plainly against the thing and not looking to discuss the positives and negatives of it. if it's supposed to be a discussion i feel like tagging it as like both thing and anti-thing might be good? because then you get both perspectives and people who have one tag or the other filtered will still have it appeared as filtered for them?

gotcha. yeah, if people are just hating the content for no reason then yeah, i see it. i personally dont care, but i for sure see the reason for asking. i dont like seeing posts just shitting on content i enjoy but i dont really care enough to do anything.

my post was the ship bingo, where i discuss a ship then share my reasoning behind it. im always up for discussing stuff and i enjoy talking about both positive and negative aspects, whether i enjoy the content or not.

idk if ill tag it in the future souly because if i talk about stuff i do not long it is in the form of personal opinions and asking for discussion rather than just hating something. i understand the reasoning, though i still disagree with it in some ways (besides if someone is just being mean about a topic, then yes, tag it)

i get it, though. thanks for you help nonny!

#not a quote #zi talks

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mebbrrr · 2 years

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i personally like when people tag character crit/neg because some of the takes on this site are just. bad. or wild. i started heavily blocking specific character critical tags back when people were shitting on c!karl (and to some extent cc!karl) all the time, saying his lore was terrible and shallow and had no impact on the story and complaining constantly and saying his character deserved to be killed for everything he was doing. i was literally just trying to enjoy content and it kinda sucks to see people hating on something you enjoy. rather than, like, argue with every single person i saw talking about how tales didn't need to be serious i could just block the c!karl neg tag and not have to see any of it.

i also have some friends who prefer to see character crit/neg tagged because they have introjects of said characters and seeing people say heavily negative things about them or say that they want specific characters dead is very harmful to them and their system.

i personally think it comes down to just...respecting people's space and allowing people to filter what they want to see. i feel like people deserve to come into a fandom space and enjoy something without having to see all of the various critiques for it, not to mention the fact that a lot of character crit or neg can range from something entirely logical to just people being assholes or weird for no reason. i like being given the option to keep my dash a friendly space for me where i dont feel attacked or like my interests are being insulted, and overall i feel like tagging neg just prevents so much conflict.

that seems to be the main takeaway yee. i try to stay in my lane with most stuff, and the stuff i do talk about is generally lighthearted or tagged if its not. think most of yall are used to me wanted to stomp on c!dream (affectionately) at the very least lol

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masonjarsmoments · 3 years

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How to improve your f1umblr expierence

I feel like lately a lot of f1 fans on tumblr are having a hard time and dont feel good. And that makes me sad because f1umblr brought me so much joy and I met so man fantastic people because of it. So I thought about some things that maybe help to make people enjoy it again.

• unfollow people: Tumblr can be really overwhelming when you follow a lot of blog's, especially when all of them post the same stuff 27382 times so sorting out the the list of people you follow can already help a lot. Try to have a good mix. I only follow 70 blogs atm only half of them are Motorsport related. If you think you could miss stuff about your favourites, follow an account who basically reblogs everything about that driver/team.

• filter hashtags: when you notice that posts about certain driver's or topics make you feel uncomfortable or upset you, filter their tags so you only will see that the post is about then but not the post (Tumblr really should change that because when I filter stuff I don't want to read the names all the time) according to that tag your own posts right. Don't tag driver's in it that aren't part of the post. Or tag everything with F1 when it has nothing to do with it. •block blogs: I don't even know how many blogs I blocked by now and I am not talking about bots and spam. There are just some people who like to make drama out of everything and I don't need that kind of negative energy. This is not the real life you are allowed to block people who make you feel bad. Actually scratch that you also should do that in real life.

•spend less time on Tumblr: having a smaller list of blogs you follow automatically means that even if you weren't online for some hours it won't take long to get up to date with what everyone posted. Also I prefer not to be online during a race but that's a personal preference.

• ignore and delete hate anons: I really don't know why there are so many people who send hate anons in this fandom. What even is their point? I don't get it. But the best thing we can do is just ignoring these messages because then they don't get the attention they apparently need so badly.

•treat people with kindness: this is not only a Harry styles thing it should be everyone's highest moral value. Just be nice to others, there is a good chance they will be nice in return. Everyone deserves some basic respect. So please don't hate on people for no reason. • respect creator rights: don't take other people content and repost it as your own or even worse share it on other social media platforms ( it's okay if you ask the creatior and they say yes and you give them credit) • resect others oppinions: don't make others feel bad for the things they enjoy and that makes them happy, just because you don't like something it doesn't means everyone has to dislike it. Just because you don't support a driver for whatever reason doesn't mean nobody is allowed to support them especially when they acknowledge it if there is a reason for why they probably not support this driver because of values and other problematic stuff. It's about being a reflective person. Cancel culture isn't as cute as all of you make it look. It actually can be really hurtful. feel free to add more points.

#maybe this helps people #we all can do something to make other people feel good but also have to look after ourselfs #f1 #f1umblr #fandom guide #long post #treat people with kindness

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wri0thesley · 3 years

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many many anons under the cut bc i didn’t want anyone to feel like i was ignoring them and i wanted to respond to u all! warning for small text too, it was so long i wanted to make it look smaller fgbnjkgkjn

Anonymous asked: NAT... you can write WHATEVER you want! It's your blog, and I hope that rude anons can learn to respect that. I used to be on your blog just for jjba content too, so when you started getting into jjk I was indifferent but eventually you dragged me into jjk so hard!! I already like bnha, so seeing you write for it only made me happier! I hope that you continue to write whatever make YOU happy:) ❤and yes, longer fics certainly doesnt mean it's better, quality over quantity

ahh i’m happy that you are here for all three!! i always feel so accomplished when someone is like ‘your constant screaming made me think about jjk <3′. all three of the fandoms are fairly popular and i tag everything v carefully so i hope people who do use the filtering find that useful!!!

Anonymous asked: Goodness gracious. People really be out there thinking they're entitled to dictating what kind of content you should be making

i think part of it might be that i do take requests so people feel like they have like . . . a certain right to certain kinds of my content? i take requests mostly bc they keep me motivated, i like making content for ppl who cant find what they want bc i’ve Been There, but maybe people think i am a pushover? idk i am just trying to have a good time!!!

Anonymous asked: Hi. I only started following you a few days ago but please ignore that rude anon. People are so fucking entitled towards writers it's insane. I recently had someone throw a fit for "spoiling" something in my fanfic, even though the fic was about a manga-exclusive character, so what did they expect?? Overall I've really enjoyed your writing so random assholes coming to guilt you is just a shitty thing that happens. Keep going with what you wanna do.

ah gosh anon i’m sorry about that :(. i’m always super careful tagging spoilers and stuff but like, if someone clicks on a fic about say, naoya or the steel ball run boys and is mad that i spoil something they havent found out yet . . . yeah thats on them fgbnkjgfkjn

Anonymous asked: That...that anon had the nerve to say "we". The fuck?! No no no anon, YOU'RE the only one talking and you're just talking for yourself, don't you dare try and lump us other anons/followers up with you to make yourself look like you're right. We love you nat and we appreciate you. It's your blog, you're allowed to write about whoever and whatever. This brain dead anon just needs to either go read someone else if they're that salty or write their own stuff if they're that impatient.

gosh i WISH some of my mad anons would just write their own stuff honestly. idk if this anon thought they were talking for everybody but i guess they expected anons to agree with them and not be mad at them. i appreciate u anon ;_;

Anonymous asked: Just want to say that ily and you’re one of the best jojo fanfic writers in my opinion 💗 I don’t think you’re half assing jojo fics and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you being multi fandom. A lot of jojo blogs have started posting about jjk so it’s not as if you’re the only one. I’m not sure why you get hate like this but I think it’s just because you’re one of the popular writers and that makes people bitter for whatever reason. Keep being you and posting about the things that make you happy 💕

honestly after so long writing for jojo - i’ve written well over 200 jojo reader insert fics - sometimes it feels like i’m retreading stuff, and that’s when i take a break bc i dont wanna half-ass stuff!!! i love all of my fellow jojo friends who are posting about jjk too, i appreciate them <3.

Anonymous asked: Hey my dude, ur writing has really grown since the jojo days and its better and awesome seeing u become happier to branch off and write in different fandoms 🤌🤌 those stupid anons are just boring farts that couldnt be bothered making their own content 😤😤 is it possible to block them to ease ur mind?

hello anon!! i run a statcounter for IPs but it doesnt always work for ppl who access through the tumblr app, i don’t think; a lot of the anon hate i get i just use the ‘block’ option, but last night got to me because i’ve been getting that kind of writer a lot which is . . . a bad look for the jojo fandom who are, as a whole from the ones i’ve interacted with, lovely!!! <3

Anonymous asked: People often forget, the person behind art or writing, is just another regular fan. You deserve to be happy with what you create and we should be thankful you share your talent with us. You also have right to change your main interests, and it's very normal thing. Jojo is one of the MANY things that you write for and all you get from that is a like or share. Its not your job. It's your fun thing to do, in spare time. You haven't betrayed anybody. That person was just rude, selfish and bored.

i am just a person doing my best!!! anime fanfic is one of many interests i have and i already devote a lot of time to it honestly, i love when people tell me they’ve enjoyed something i made bc it makes it feel worthwhile but equally it gets to me a lot when people are rude because i am usually trying my hardest.

Anonymous asked: Bro that jjba anon... the entitlement🤮 Fam, you write whatever you want to write😤 -Saturday

dfnjbkjnkgf i find most fic readers are NOT entitled at all and are just grateful but when they are . . . oof.

Anonymous asked: It's funny how people throw "we got you popular" and they think you start apologize and cry. Your writing and passion made you gain few numbers on a follow counter, nothing more. I think I'm too old for stuff like this, we are nothing more, but +1 on a number scale. You ow us nothing, we ow you nothing. Popular... Funny word. You just write for fun of it, fake scenarios about someone's manga characters. It's not that deep. Have fun and don't listen to people like this. I knew it's not that easy, but they are really not that important as they think they are.

extremely fun fact for people who think ‘popularity’ is important to me: i would 100% rather have 10 people who regularly comment, reblog my fics with tags and interact with me than 100 people who read my fic and either leave a like or simply move on. i think this is true for the VAST MAJORITY of writers tbh. i’m glad that people think i am a ‘popular’ blog (i am not in the grand scheme of things, one of my ex-best friends used to run a kpop reader insert blog with like 30,000 followers) bc it gives me an ego boost lmao, but i really just want people to read and enjoy the stuff i write!!!

Anonymous asked: I followed you a while ago for jojo and when my friends started getting into jjk i was like...eh sounds like work...but now that I see you writing for it I feel really motivated to get into it!!! I really enjoy your writing and I want to be able to read the new stuff too!

ah anon i really hope you like it!!! it’s only one season rn if u wanna watch the anime and there isn’t too much of the manga to catch up on either but it is a lot of fun and it’s nice to be in a fandom that’s like, excited about a new chapter and new plot developments every week!

Anonymous asked: Pls dont reply if u dont want to! <3 I'm not sure if this will be of any help to you or not but this is the kind of thing that often helps me and is the only way I know to try comfort others so I wanted to give it a go~

Now im not gonna say 'dont feel bad pls' bc I know that's not really useful but what I do think is useful is just discussing why that anon and many others feel the need to respond that way. As someone who follows a lot of writing blogs myself and have done for a long time, i've seen my handful of favourite writers come and go for different reasons, lose motivation for a while, gain motivation for a while, go from multi to single fandom, or single fandom to multi. Often times as a reader it can be upsetting when things change but it's also important as a reader to understand that some things aren't in anyone's control, I can't control what my favourite writers become a fan of or lose interest of, I can't control things in their personal lives that may motivate or demotivate them to write, but what I can do is support them as long as they're active, and if they move on to do things i'm no longer interested in or i'm the one that changed interests, rather than being upset that they're evolving to do other things or that they're not evolving with me, I think it's important that I still feel thankful for the works that I enjoyed while we were still on the same page and this is how I personally deal with those negative feelings. I think the anons that lash out at you probably just dont know what to do with themselves, maybe they got attached to your works while you were still only a jjba blog and now that you're evolving they're upset, while I understand how they feel, they're going the completely wrong way about it. I've learned to take these things and turn them into something positive for myself or at least something bittersweet that I can move on from but the anons that lash out at you for whatever reason probably haven't learned this yet. Maybe it's because i've moved on and changed interests a lot myself that I know how these things go for both writers and readers but those anons maybe haven't experienced this as much so they dont know what to do with themselves other than complain that you've changed and throw insults at you in an attempt to get you to revert back. None of this is because of the quality of your writing like they want you to believe, it's literally just because you've evolved and while some of your old followers might not like the new content for no reason other than it not being their cup of tea, it's definitely not regressed at all. You are pumping out a lot of content right now but every single thing i've read has just been better than the last. Things that really stand out to me is how well you get characterisation down to a T and all of your dialogue is just on point and from the pov of a reader I think those things seem the hardest to get right so I am such a huge fan of your stuff at the moment and I can tell you're really putting so much thought and care into each and every fic no matter how fast you're producing it, I think the fact that you're also proud of what you're writing at the moment really shines through as well and I just adore the passion that radiates from every completed request as well as in the responses for the subsequent thirsts resulting from these works that appear in your ask box later (I know i've sent quite a few by now~)

Just to be clear i'm not defending those anons in any way, while I can understand what they might be feeling/why they're reacting in the way they are I still believe it's just so immature to be hateful online point blank. Even during a time where I still got upset with writers if they started doing something else I still never targeted that negativity directly to the writer and sending rude or hateful comments whether on anon or not never something i'd stooped low enough to do even when I still had an immature way of thinking, however, I hope that it might make it a little easier to brush them off if we try and understand what they're really upset about, and that they're just putting the blame for their negative feelings onto the wrong thing rather than coming to terms with change themselves.

hello anon!! i appreciate the long message. i do feel bad for people who have no interest in what i’m currently producing and i get that they feel upset about it; i’ve watched a lot of fellow jojo writers move on completely or just stop posting, honestly. this kind of thing is why i was so intense about asking people if it would be better if i made a separate blog but the resounding answer seemed to be ‘i’m just vibing with whatever happens and i’ll block tags as needed’.

i often return to works by my favourite reader-insert writers who no longer write for the fandoms i like (and i read stuff bc it sounds interesting or i trust the person who writes it), but change can be difficult and i guess at this point i’ve - whether u like me or not lmao - been a fixture in jojo reader-insert tumblr for a While so it’s probably kind of jarring.

anyway i really appreciate you and the nice words! <3

Anonymous asked: hi nat! I just wanted to pop in and say that regardless of what fandom you write for, the love and care you pour into your writing and into interacting with followers who care about your work as well is really obvious. you're doing this for FREE and people should appreciate what you've given us so far, since ultimately this blog should be for you, whatever that means to you at any point in time. it's ok to jump fandoms! the important thing is that you feel good about what you're producing and that it makes you happy. everyone else is just a bonus - but, seeing you on my dash certainly makes me happy : ) I hope you feel better soon!

thank you anon! i’m feeling much better and happier today. birthdays are very difficult for me (i did not think i’d be alive at eighteen, much less 25!) so this event is definitely kind of a way for me to concentrate on something else, and i’m a little bit extra sensitive atm. i appreciate you so much, thank you for the kind words!!! <3

Anonymous asked: Hello! I just wanted to say, write what YOU want and make YOUR writings as long as you'd like. 💖 To the anon who is like "We mAdE yOu FaMoUs dOnt HalF asS iT" stfu, let people do what they wanna do. If you think they half do it, write something better and longer you asshat.

this is an open invitiation to that anon to send me a link to their writing blog and i’ll hype them up i promise <3

Anonymous asked: nat i'm so so sorry about that ask please know that your older followers don't share the same opinion :( sometimes people forget about the living, breathing person behind the screen smh. you are not a machine. you absolutely should not restrict yourself to posting about one fandom forever. yes, we're first pulled in by your amazing content, but we stay for your wonderful personality and work ethic. please just keep being you, taking up projects you feel comfy with! <333 bless u

ahh thank u anon! unfortunately i actually am a writing robot, i’m sorry u had to find out this way. my jojo chip has been removed, please send it back so i can continue to not half-ass my jojo work. fgnjkbgjkfn thank you so much angel!!! i appreciate you ;_;.

Anonymous asked: i don’t think it’s fair for other people to say shit about what you choose to write about because on tumblr and other writing platforms, writers are constantly developing how they write and the fandoms that they write for. it’s not fair for someone to criticize that “you don’t care about jjba blah blah blah” because you can enjoy new shows/manga. and like you said you’ve grown so much!! proud of you nat and im glad that ive been able to read your works (sincerely other nat)

i am STILL waiting for you to come and fight me other nat fgnjkbnf. it’s nice to be enjoying different things! i am constantly learning new things and reading new works and making new friends and improving and i think that’s important. i do care about jjba - a lot! but i can care about other things too! <3

Anonymous asked: I may not be one of your oldest followers, but i've been here for almost 3 years. Yes, i started following u for ur jojo content, but let me tell u, ur newfound motivation and enthusiam for other fandoms was honestly contagiuos for me. And i say this as a person who finds very difficult to move from one interest to another. Jojo is great, but so are other fandoms. Please don't let some faceless scum rob u that motivation. This is ur blog and u r always free to write whatever u want.

honestly, i have been there! i am autistic and i have special interests and watching other people move on to stuff i’m not vibing with has made me sad in the past, but i want people to be happy more than anything and sometimes that means new things and change! <3

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I saw that rude anon message & I just wanted to pop in & say that they're wrong. You're not betraying anyone & you should write whatever it is you want to write. I followed you for jojo & I'm not familiar with the other fandoms that you write for, but personally it makes me SO happy to see you enjoying new things! It's always good to find joy wherever you can, so keep writing what you're interested in. There a lot of ppl who want to see you happy and healthy <3

honestly the idea of it being a GRAND BETRAYAL is so funny, i am just writing anime fanfic here and thriving!!! tysm anon! <3

Anonymous asked: Those anons can piss off! They have no right to judge how long or how short your writing is. If they want longer content write it their damn selves. I think your writing has improved wonderfully and I originally followed for Jojo and I'm enjoying all the content period. I don't even watch jujutsu ( not my cup of tea personally) but I love seeing the creativity and the interactions. You write what makes you happy Nat and that's on that! You don't owe anybody anything! I know how hard writing is and when your consuming new content it's hard to make content for something else. That doesn't mean you don't like it any more your just doing something different for a while. Love you and your content and I'm enjoying the love your putting into your content whether long or short. ♥♥💕 Sending love your way!

honestly my idea of ‘short content’ is still over 1k words, i’m not good at reeling myself in! i guess it’s bc they see like, 1.5k jojo fic versus 5k jjk fic but it’s not that i didn’t enjoy the first fic, just that the point and the story came a lot quicker and so did the natural end! thank you anon, i appreciate you ;_;

Anonymous asked: Hello! Just wanted to let your know that I think your writing is awesome, and that you should write for whoever and for whatever you want to! You dont have to stay loyal to one fandom or anything, and your followers shouldn't expect that from you! It's not like they are paying you to write, you are doing this for free, and because you enjoy it and it makes you happy! If they dont like your stuff, they dont have to follow you, they can go to other blogs that cater to their taste, and they definitely don't need to be sending you such hurtful comments, and they dont get to make you feel sad about your writing! Just because they followed you during your earlier stages of writing, doesn't mean you owe them some type of loyalty or compensation! You can write literally whatever you want as long as it makes you happy! That's what your hobby and your blog are for! I hope you know that alot of your followers love your work and think that you are an amazing writer and are down to support the work that makes you happiest! 💖💖

ahh thank you so much anon!!! i am always so bowled over by how many people are nice to me when something like this happens, i am sending you my love <3

Anonymous asked: don’t listen to them!! we love you as a writer no matter what you write, because you’re a good person and a talented writer!! you shouldn’t have to change what you write to please a bitter person, and if they only want jjba, they can go to another blog instead of bringing you down. you’re doing amazing and they should be thankful you grace us with your talents!!

to be totally honest, if i was half-assing or not vibing with content i was making i just. wouldn’t post it. like you’d be able to TELL when i was half-assing stuff just to get words out (source: i have re-read my own nanowrimo works). there are lots of great jjba blogs who could do with more followers n interaction!!! i hope they do find them and i hope they’re nice to them :(.

Anonymous asked: Please don’t pay attention to that anon. People only have that confidence when they have anon turned on. Them looking through your blog despite feeling that way is peak fan behavior and speaks to how addicting your writing is. Naturally, you can’t please everyone and there will be people who are irrational and feel entitled to tell you what to do or what to write no matter what. Trust me when I say they’re a small minority and are more likely probably passing viewers rather than regulars. I check your blog about three or more times a day because I love reading not just your fics but also your takes, banter with other anons, or even random updates. Brainrot posts? LOVE TO SEE IT!!! Desk update? AMAZING!!! With that being said, don’t feel pressured to continue pushing out content for others. Write what makes you happy! You’ve been writing for JJBA for 4 years and it’s completely normal + healthy to get into new media. I’m not sure if it would mean much, but your love for JJK has gotten me excited to start it too!!

anon i really hope you enjoy it!!! sometimes these anons remember stuff i’ve posted and said better than i do tbh, i am living in their heads rent free i guess!

Anonymous asked: I've been following you for a couple of years and honestly it would always be a joy to see when you posted. Your writing has improved and I'm very happy you're enjoying yourself ! I know it hurts hearing and seeing stuff like that but I'm happy you're here. I'm honestly blessed everytime you post. Your writing is phenomenal. I love reading it even if its characters that I dont care for. You capture their essences so well and weave an amazing tale within the prompts and whatnot. You're amazing nat!

wehh thank you so much!!! re: the improvement, i really don’t feel like it has and then i re-read something i wrote when i first started and i’m like oh my god maybe it has. did i really write about jotaro acting like that.

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat. I recently became a follower of yours and I'm really saddened to see you get hate. You seem like a genuinely sweet person with amazing talent! I'm a writer myself and, unfortunately, get the same kind of comments. And when you get those comments, it doesn't leave you feeling motivated. People need to understand that people can and will, at times, grow out of fandoms. (1 Not just that but you're doing all of this for free. Again, I'm sorry you got such a comment. But please know that I'm proud of how far you've come. I'm proud that you're living a life that makes you happy. And no matter what fandom you may find yourself in next, I will always enjoy your writing. Take care of yourself. (2 end

HELLO NEW FOLLOWER I LOVE YOU (i get a lot more a day now than i used to and i feel guilty about not being able to look through so many blogs but i do try and follow back other writers for my fandoms!! ;_;). i’m sorry you get the same kind of comments! i’m always just happy to see people i like enjoying new things, even if i have no interest in it (hello to all of my mutuals who write for hunter x hunter and haikyuu, not interested but i’m sure you’re having a great time and i support you!!!).

Anonymous asked: I'm sure you're getting a barrage of supportive messages now (at least I hope so) but I figured I'd add my voice, because I'm a longtime follower. Your writing is, and always has been, wonderful. I've been so happy to see you and Haz get to a place that works for you both. Idk if it's obvious for everyone, but you seem like you're emotionally in a pretty good place most of the time these days, and it makes me really happy to see that. I followed years ago for JJBA content, but I stayed because regardless of what content you put out, I find your wit delightful. And I'll stick around even if you move fandoms entirely, because whatever content or editorializing you produce is going to be worth reading, regardless of what it's for.

ahh, anon!! thank you for sticking around so long, sorry if you’re old enough to have been around the vore and jorts and spider rohan fiascos! <3 i am definitely a lot more stable than i have been and - barring the Pandemic Related Mental Health Issues - happier! i’m glad that it’s noticeable! <3

Anonymous asked: It actually makes me mad how entitled some people are. Nat, you're not a content creating machine and those who expect you to be are not worth wasting a thought on. Your love for something is not measured in word counts and for you to write every day without getting burned out in the slightest you really must have a burning passion and huge dedication to your craft. If others decide to send hate then allow me to send admiration because I can feel your love and hard work in each post you make!

i try and write every day bc it’s super good for my little ocd/autistic brain to have routines and distract itself, so i’m glad other people can enjoy them because that makes me motivated to carry on! like, i write for myself mostly bc the content i want i sometimes get find, but filling requests and writing for other people also leaves me with happy warm fuzzies too! i appreciate you!! <3

Anonymous asked: If people only care about your writing for the jojo porn that’s on THEM, not you. Your writing was amazing when I followed about a year ago, and it’s only gotten better and will continue to get better! I think it really comes through when you enjoy what you’re writing and it adds a whole other layer of worth to it, because not only are you making free content but you LIKE that content and we can all gush about it together!!! More than just fans, I think you’ve created a community here and we don’t just stick around to read smut, I promise you that. -Reronon

i do miss having a discord community bc it was nice to talk to everyone in real time but it was hard work, i am glad that people feel like they can just come into my askbox and gush! i’m not very friendly in real life and people tend to think i am cold and stuck up so i work very hard to try and seem friendly and approachable online, which is much easier for me because i get to think and re-draft before i type! <3

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I’m sure you’re getting a lot of messages like this right now but I just wanted to say for what it’s worth that, as a person who originally followed you for jjba content and hasn’t watched/read any of the other series you’re currently writing for, I’m honestly still along for the ride. This is your blog and you’re allowed to do what you want with it and put out what content you feel like writing. Sometimes??? People acquire new interests??????? Shocking! I know absolutely nothing about jjk or bnha but out of curiosity still read some of your posts about them and even though I might not Get It, I still enjoy them because I think you’re a very talented writer! Honestly, as long as you’re still writing, I’m still down to clown, and whenever you take breaks (which are important!) I’ll still be waiting for your return or supporting and respecting your decision to stay away longer. Don’t let the entitled assholes get you down. Utilize YOUR blog and YOUR space however YOU choose. Your talent and kindness speak for themselves. Love you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

anon i care about you and i am so appreciative of you and everyone for sending me such nice messages! i am running out of ways to say it but it’s true, it really does mean a lot to me ;_; <3

#nat.txt

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pansyfemme · 3 years

Note

your carrd is completely inaccessible to people with epilepsy, please remove the flashing gif in the back or make a version without moving graphics

hey. lets talk about this. im going to assume these are different people, considering the difference of tone. but this is an issue ive been thinking about for a while. my blog is not accesible. despite this blog being run by a multidisabled person, i underestimated how many followers i would get, and this blog that was originally just like a vent space for me, became quickly something that people found and enjoyed. This is my own fault, im not gonna be one of those people who are like ‘well i didnt except anyone to see it so i dont have to change’ and i am willing to change. but changing will also signifgantly affect how this blog is presented, so i will do that now. My initial insticnt was to just put a disclaimer that this blog is not accessible to visually impaired people, and people with epilepsy. But as it is, i realize that is probably the shittiest way of doing things. The other options are to use the tagging system. Now the reason why i wasnt doing this, was the fact that the vast majority of posts on here are images and gifs. I felt worried that if i tagged every image as undescribed, a visually impaired person scrolling through my blog would just get the same “this post has filtered tags” message over and over and over again. the other option would be to try and id all the images. I dont think i can do that. i try my best to reblog all of the images with ids as possible, but i think that if i attempted to id all of the other images, this blog would rarely update. (which, i suppose is still an option.) Reviewing my options, i will be tagging things going forward as “no id” if they dont have one, or “flashing tw” if it is a gif. i cant promise i’ll be perfect, and this will be going forward, so the posts on my blog as is will stay the way they are. Next, lets go into the carrd problem. I will be making a google doc version of my carrd (or an acessible version) that i will include linked next to my carrd. In terms of my desktop theme, that will not be changing, so i will put a notice to not use that option if you are viewing my blog on desktop. I will also try and put descriptions for my icon and header, and change my mobile header to a still image. Ive thought about this a lot, and i think these are the best changes i can make at the moment, please let me know if they arent enough. Finally, please avoid adressing me in a hostile manner. I have several severe mental health conditions (in which i have been clear about how these dominate my life) and hostile language can cause me to go into a delusional state. I completly understand that you are upset. But seeing as this is the first time that I have recieved any messages regarding this issue, i feel a bit overwhelmed considering this message. please try and either use tone indicators or speak plainly to me. thank you.

#no id

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neversatisfiedwithlife · 3 years

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klaine and brittana are canon ships where the show gives you reasons to love them. kurtbastian and hevans are fan-made ships with no basis in the show. it makes sense to wonder why people would ship those ships.

also, it's awesome that you're generalizing klaine shippers like this when it's members of your kurtbastian fandom that are the most hateful people on here.

go to any klaine or brittana blog and i guarantee that their page will be filled with their love for klaine or brittana with the very occasional anti post.

go to most non-klaine kurtbastian blogs and i bet that one of their top tags will be "lol blaine" or "lol klaine," some of you even have some variation of "i don't like blaine" in your bio, how lame is that?

point is, our klaine and brittana blogs are based on loving something. most of yours (with the exceptions of that one hevans shipper who is super friendly + the klaine multishippers) are based on hating something else to make your ship look better.

that's why we're so annoyed. our ships can stand very nicely on their own. most of you all seem to think that yours require hatred and tearing the canon ships down to make yours look better, which is probably because there's pretty much nothing in canon to support your ships.

do you see the difference?

there's nothing wrong with disliking klaine, and i don't support anyone trying to force them to like the ship. it's also fine to talk about specific reasons that you dislike the ship.

but i draw the line at people trying to twist every single klaine interaction to make the ship "toxic" to prop up their own ships. which many of you do, all the time, even over the most innocuous of actions. i've seen it on your blog as well.

why can't the non-klaine shippers just focus on whatever it is that you do like about your ship, whether it be the "potential" of hevans or the chemistry in kurtbastian (idk, i'm just spitballing here because i don't really know what people like about these ships) instead of having the basis of your blog be about hating klaine? some of you are cool and do this, why can't all of you do it?

p.s. if this is about that one dumbass kurt anon, that's ONE person. not at all representative of us as a whole.

Hi hun💜

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this post out for me.

I will assume you have not actually been to my blog, only seen a few of my recent posts(which is completely okay)

I spend a lot of time, most of my time actually, showing love for Brittana and the non-canonical ships I enjoy. I'd say 97% of my blog is just positive energy towards the things I enjoy.

(I don't have lol Blaine or whatever as my top tags or probably in my tags at all-maybe once-so that doesn't really apply to me. I cannot control what others put on their blogs💜)

I will assume you are oblivious to what goes on on tumblr, many of my fellow Kurtbastian and Hevans shippers are often berated about why they dont like Klaine/Blaine, so when faced with this question of course they will give their *negative* input on the subject at hand. (Dont ask and they wont tell-not saying you are one of these anons)

Also many people have "not friendly to" in their bio, it is not just people who multiship Kurt.

We as humans often block out what we don't want to see or allow our memories to be lethally selective, so I understand you trying to paint your fellow Klaine shippers in a positive light, but the truth is they can be just as toxic towards characters and ships they don't like as well.

Everyone can run their blog as they wish I feel, it can be very frustrating at times, yes. But it is their blog. That is why we tag things, so should others not want to see it they can blacklist or filter out those tags💜

I truly hope that your time on tumblr can treat you well, and I hope that you and everyone else can accept and understand that not everyone has to like klaine/blaine. Just as not everyone has to like Brittana, or Santana or Brittany. 💜

Thank you again for the ask

#long post #anon(derogatory)#<-sorry thats just my tag #anti klaine stans really #anti klaine #anti Blaine

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freebooter4ever · 3 years

Text

i’ve seen the discussion going back and forth on boundaries and sexual objectification, and i don’t have much to add to the conversation other than to say everyone is allowed to determine their OWN ‘lines’ and just because we don’t vocalize them doesn’t make them any less valid. but here’s the limits i set for my blog if anyone feels it is important for them to know (<3):

personally I consider ‘characters’ fair game for anything goes, with ‘public personas’ a little more iffy. ‘RPF’ isn’t new - it just takes on a new more accessible/visible form nowadays. i remember reading my first fic about a ‘real person’ back in my LOTR fandom days - it was a story in first person perspective about the main character meeting orlando bloom on a plane before he was ‘famous’. like a lot of these types of stories, it wasnt so much about the person as it was about the meet cute. the actor was just a convenient placeholder with a handsome face and some personality quirks thrown in to make the romance/dialogue more specific. i personally dont read much xReader fic nowadays, but mostly only cause i’m an old fart who can’t relate to the ‘you’ format. i miss the good old days when people actually created OC’s and then inserted them into things LOL. but also LOL if you think i’ve gone an entire year of quarantine without some imagined personal fantasies of joe mazzello (or steve aoki in the years before)(ramilicious can attest to this. she can also attest to most of these fantasies ending in friendship rather than anything explicit cause that’s just how i roll these days lol). the line i draw is i would never post these types of fics in a place where the subject could accidentally find them - you have to go looking for this stuff on tumblr, most fics are given explicit ratings and under read-mores. with the blacklist tags it’s pretty easy to filter things out. its even easier to add filters to ao3 searches. i am NOT going to do something like message steve aoki and say ‘yeah i watched that movie Ibiza like five times, here is my 1k fic where you’re the dj and i’m the one night stand’. but obviously people still enjoy imagining scenarios like these otherwise movies like Ibiza wouldn’t exist?

for art, i consider anything already on display up for grabs, we all know a certain person’s ass is all over the place...all you have to do is google ‘need for speed’ and rami’s name. HOWEVER, in the case of actors i personally would not draw anything more explicit than what’s already there. i’m not gonna draw full frontal nudity for rami (unless he gifts us with it in a movie, i suppose) or anyone. this is 100% a personal choice for me.

i was a sophomore or junior in college when i volunteered as a figure drawing monitor where i’d time the nude model’s poses and help them set up the stage and lighting and such. there was this one guy in his mid forties probably, a regular who came every week, and i always thought of him fondly till one day (the day after i ran into my Hot Programming TA during dinner and later sent him an email begging him to go on a date with me because i was desperate for kissing experience)(and Hot Programming TA emailed me back within minutes saying yes) this artist guy who i saw all the time and thought i knew fairly well, decided to draw me instead of the model. which would have been fine except he drew me naked. i was NOT naked at the time, i was wearing a shirt, and a bra, and a full prairie skirt with alternating calico and floral patterns. he drew what he imagined was underneath all that. he came up to me after the figure drawing session and showed me his drawings and told me i had been ‘glowing’ and my response was to laugh it off awkwardly and get the hell out of there as soon as i gave the model their pay check. but inwardly i was thinking a) i was NOT glowing for this creepy man twice my age and b) i did NOT give him consent to sexualize my body under my clothes and then SHOW me that objectification. i never said anything to him or anything else, i continued to be the monitor, and i continued to field off creepy advances from him including multiple job offers, but when i finally realized i could just...stop..and i passed the student volunteer monitor job on to my friend naeem, i also realized that what that older male artist did was NOT ok in my book. and it was probably not something he would do while naeem was monitoring.

nowadays im working in an industry that regularly objectifies female bodies. in the past year alone i have had to deal with requests to make breasts bigger, i have been given character rigs that in addition to the usual elbow, knee, and spine joints also have ‘nipple’ joints but ONLY for the women (to make them jiggle for animation), every time i send out a female pose i get it back with notes that push it further into the sexy type of body language reserved for women (twist the spine more! sway the back more! give it ‘energy!’), i have been told to erase wrinkles and fat and pores but ONLY for the women (men you ADD pores bc realism! and manliness!) and this is all me working for a company that is actually fairly progressive in terms of sexism compared to OTHER studios.

like it or not, sexual objectification is a huge part of specifically women’s lives and how we react to that is our business. for me, turning the tables and putting men on display feels like fair’s fair. i cant stop the men from doing it, so if i want to enjoy sexualizing male bodies, damn it im gonna! like dang it, boy do i want to send steve aoki a thank you note every time he posts a video of himself doing those ice baths during the sunset golden hour bc holy shit gorgeous or working out in his gym wearing VERY little clothes, but i dont because i know what its like when someone imposes their personal fantasies on the subject. or, god, there was that time i had to unfollow nicole’s insta for a while bc i had a very explicit dream about her and realized, shit, i need to take a break and get my emotions under control before i can refollow. and god some of the stuff i see dudes sending her during her live videos on mental illness/meditation is TOTALLY gross and not something they should be confronting her with. and she’s not even ‘famous’ famous. or how some fans send their idols explicit direct messages without consent. THAT feels inappropriate to me.

a part of me feels like i shouldn’t have to defend this. men don’t. they’re even encouraged in mass media to sexualize women. but i also recognize the importance of talking about consent. the importance of recognizing that a celebrity deserves to have their boundaries respected. these are my lines in fandom. other people have different lines they won’t cross, and that’s okay to me. i block or blacklist any blogs or tags i think go over the top.

heck, even in fandom-only spaces i still try to keep my own more sexual fantasies off this blog and only in private messages with my friends and mutuals, and i feel like that might come across as unintentionally prudish or judgmental sometimes. i’m not ‘horny on main’ very often. but like...every time i reblog that particular ‘washing machine’ gif of joe mazzello am i thinking about him naked and thinking about how he’s got very loooooong feet, and ‘gee i wonder if that means /other/ things are Too Big for my tastes’ but also ‘gosh wouldnt that make a pretty picture to draw’???? hell yeah.

i dont know who is gonna actually read this essay but yolo i guess :)

#journal shit

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