I'm writing an Inquisitor right now, and I know that the canon name for the Imperial Inquisition is “Inquisitorius”, but I teach Latin for a living and “Inquisitorius” instead of "Inquisitorium" is such a grammatical blasphemy I can’t for the life of me bring myself to use it, even in a fanfiction.
A strange hill to die on, I know, but I’ll die on it nonetheless.
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
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yuuta exhibits such previously abandoned, recently adopted dog behavior. incredibly anxious all the time, even though nobody’s out to get him or leave him behind. waits for you to return home or from school or from work excitedly, just to see you when you walk through the door. follows you around senselessly, hovering in your space just for the sake of companionship. initiates affection in prodding ways—starts off next to you, then a hand on your thigh, then deems it safe to lay all the way down, then slowly pushes his head into your lap. gets up whenever you need to get up, and resumes his position as soon as you’re ready. brings you gifts as a sign that he’s thinking of you, and maybe because he likes the affection it brings out in you, maybe because he likes the gentle affirming touches of a hand in his hair or a pinch to his cheek. rests his head on your stomach or his chin on your shoulder when he’s sleepy, stays there, immobile, and will not move unless absolutely necessary. sometimes he gets surprised when he hears you calling for him, there’s a moment of disbelief as he thinks “me? really? you need me?” but it’s very quickly overshadowed by this compulsive need to show up, to please, to do anything for you, which is why he always answers when you call. he doesn’t realize that he has puppygod eyes, especially when he’s excited or confused, but he does and it’s incredible endearing. very reluctant to share your space or attention after a while, considers that to be sacred and he won’t risk being let go or lost again, so as a safety precaution, he keeps himself right by you, waits for you always.
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my jgy thoughts have been expanding and adapting and roiling and toiling etc etc etc and all of it is coming down to me affectionately marveling at this character. he’s cut-throat. he’s cunning. his kindness leaves lasting impressions. his mercy is what predates his demise. he’s one of the few cultivators who helps those in need. he will sacrifice them if it benefits him. he loved. it didn’t last. it killed him. it orchestrated his downfall. he’s a genius. he’s paranoid. he compartmentalizes. he splits the world into who he would sacrifice and who he would not. people he loves and people he would sacrifice are not mutually exclusive. he’s filial to a fault. it was all for his mother. he is a study in assimilating to survive. the results vary. he manipulates the herd mentality to his benefit. it is turned against him. he is killed for the one thing he didn’t do by the one person he wouldn’t sacrifice. it is still somehow better than what the hive-mind cultivation world would have done. i love this tragic kaleidoscope of a character.
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there’s a tiktok going around of a woman recording herself sobbing directly into the camera because as she says in the text over the video of her crying her relationship of eight years just ended and since she has adhd that heightens your emotions and while this is not the first video of this kind i’ve seen making the rounds on al gore’s internet it is the first where i’ve seen people call anyone who criticizes the video a misogynist and truly genuinely people need to get a grip because from where i’m sitting we should be criticizing this behavior even more it’s so bizarre to me that we don’t more frequently say how weird and disturbing it is that we’ve created a culture where it’s perfectly normal to intentionally record yourself performatively experiencing all of the trials and triumphs of being alive for internet points which has been coupled with individuality culture and the need to pathologize every very human behavior and emotion to create people whose brains have been so broken that everyone now thinks their every experience is unique to them alone and so naturally they are the first person to feel awful after a long term relationship ends but because of a developmental disorder and not just because they’re a person with feelings and it fucking sucks when sad things happen and i hate it so much we need to knock it off stop recording yourself being alive. stop it.
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alright, i'm not sure how much of this is already commonly known but i have been investigating the source of these images:
and this video:
a comment on this blog post suggests that they were taken in sydney:
the upload date of the video also dates the events to before january 2008. we know that tucker rule and james dewees were there. the song they're singing is gloves by reggie and the full effect:
for these reasons, i THOUGHT that the photos and video were taken at the sydney entertainment center on november 30th 2011. reggie and the full effect opened for mcr that night and gloves was on their setlist:
this is backed up by this youtube comment on the dancing queen video talking about fluxuation in sydney (i unfortunately can't find the video it mentions but the channel is here):
tucker talks about playing for mcr in australia in 2007 in this podcast clip:
this was what i THOUGHT. and i was going to post this but i thought i should do a little more research just to see if i could find anything more. and i stumbled across this livejournal post:
every single image on the post is broken. but i'm pretty confident that the pictures we all know and love were in there.
^this one especially seems to line up. they were taken at a bar called the lobo plantation in sydney on november 29th 2011.
the captions of the other pictures make me SO mad that they were deleted. im so fucking curious. well thank you to deleted livejournal user theyoungpretend for (probably) being the one to post these historical images. if anyone knows of any way to access the rest pls lmk (tinypic went down and all the images hosted on there were deleted)
also this picture seems to have been taken on the same night??
here are some more (questionably worded unfortunately. like some of these are really insane) posts which mention what happened:
x (i think this may be from one of the people in the picture above?), x, x, x (hidden in. ryan ross/matt cortez fic?), x, x, x, x, x, x (masterpost where almost all the links are broken). ive saved all of these on the wayback machine in case they ever get deleted.
this iconic ray moment was the day after btw:
if anyone has any more info or any pics PLEASE let me know!!!!!!
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“Can't remember when we walked past the O.R. sign!
(sur-ger-y!)
Can't remember passing out with her hand in mine!
(my-my-mind!!!!)
I remember waking up with my mind repaired.
(A-OK! ^^)
I remember when I realized, she wasn't there...”
Amnesia was her name….. is. so. horrifically. sadly fitting for these two in literally every single line. And I’m gonna NEED ALL OF U GUYS TO GO LISTEN TO IT NOW OK… THIS ISNT A DRILL GO GO GO GO!!!
Anyway… uhh. the fact Betty “blessed” this guy to like. An eternally long lifespan w THIS FUCKED UP OF A MENTAL STATE IS SO SCREWED UP GHGH- Like poor Simon god damn…! u kno he’d rather just keep on not sorting out his baggage and trauma forever too cuz it’d be too complicated… too much… force him to admit things about himself and about BETTY that he really really doesn’t want to… better to just leave it all unexamined.. pack it all into lil boxes so he can just try to ignore it and pretend it doesn’t exist… HE GOTTA LIVE FOREVER W IT THO… *ME BANGING ON SIMONS DOOR AT 3 IN THE MORNING*: “SIMON U GOTTA ACCEPT URSELF!!!! LOVE URSELF!!!! ACKNOWLEDGE N ACCEPT EVEN THE “BAD” PARTS OF URSELF!!!! SIMON PLEASE!!!!! SIMON EVEN PPL WHO LOVE YOU AND WHO YOU LOVE CAN HURT YOU!!!! ACKNOWLEDGE IT!!! ACKNOWLEDGE THE HURT AND ACKNOWLEDGE UR FEELINGS!!!! AND URSELF!!!!! SIMON!!!!” anyway… gGHGH YEA, SRRY. SIMON PETRIKOVS MENTAL ILLNESSES MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IM GONNA EXPLODE. ANYWAY HAVE SOME ART. W a bunch of diff versions cuz I’m indecisive!
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ghosts - batman: haunted knight
[ID: A multi panel sequence of Bruce Wayne as a child on Halloween. He's dressed up in a Mask of Zorro costume and is excitedly running down the stairs while holding two swords, calling out for his mother happily. He tells her that he's ready to go trick or treating. Martha Wayne has her hand on his shoulder and is smiling as she tells him, “your costume looks great!” Bruce replies, “Thanks, I made it myself. Alfred sorta helped. Is dad home yet?” Martha draws her hand back hesitantly and says his name. Bruce already knows that that means there's bad news. He tells her, “don't tell me,” before she continues and says his father called. Bruce has his head down, angrily finishing her sentence, “he's gotta work late!” He looks out the window as if his father will appear and says, “It's not fair! He promised he would take me trick or treating!” Martha soothes that she knows as Bruce repeats, “he promised,” to himself disappointedly. She tells him, “But there was an emergency,” which makes Bruce snap, “There's always some emergency!”
Bruce continues to stand in front of the window as Martha looks at him. Bruce announces, “I'm gonna wait for him. Even if it takes all night!” as he tensely clenches the handle of his sword. Martha reaches out for him sadly and suggests, “Bruce, I could take you out myself. Or, we can call some of the other children at school and go out with them.” Bruce, as an adult, somberly says off panel that, “she doesn't know...” as his kid self stares out the window still. His hat casting a small shadow on his face as he tells her, “There are no other kids to call. I have no friends at school.” Martha says his name again but doesn't know how to comfort him. Instead, she just silently places a hand on his shoulder. We see a silhouette from far away of her standing next to him as Bruce waits for his father to eventually come home. END ID]
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i actually take it back. no one should read the tolling bells by @edsbacktattoo bc it will make tears inexplicably come out your eyeballs, even tho you're a strong, independent woman who doesn't show emotional vulnerability for normal mentally well reasons, and this will inevitably lead to a headache, and then you will spend the next several hours complaining to anyone who will listen that you have a headache, did you know i have a headache? my head really hurts, you guys
anyway, definitely don't read this, it may irrevocably alter your immortal soul in a way that is potent and yet indescribable with the words available to you in the english language. (idk about other languages, i haven't tried)
also, it might give you a headache. did i mention that part already? just sayin'
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