#its the kinda love that u dont need to label bc its just There. its just love !! a love that comes easy

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

you are somebody that i want to keep ; satoru gojo

synopsis; you aren't sure what you have with satoru gojo, but you know that it’s good.

word count; 6.7k

contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, colleagues to friends to something unlabelled, you love each other though!!, fluff, hurt/comfort, very very soft, reader falls first but gojo falls harder, both of u are afraid of intimacy lol, a lil angsty if u squint, satoru gojo cherishing u for ~7k words straight <33

a/n; basically just a collection of moments between you and gojo throughout the years <33 (a significant amount of time has passed between each part!!) hes an emotionally repressed loser but i love him and he is smitten w u.

in the soft luminescence of daybreak, your kitchen looks something like a dream.

tainted with a hazy sunshine, simmering with warm colours and pleasant scents, it almost seems to sparkle in the peripheral of your vision. brimming with that feeling of home, a home you’ve broken your bones building, desperate to shape it into something safe — and you think you’ve done a pretty good job.

it’s soothing, comforting, all of these sensations. bleeding into each other like smudges of paint on a canvas; hyacinths blooming by the windowsill, espresso-flavored steam wafting up to the roof, soft meows stemming from the cats by your feet. absolute bliss.

indulging in a peace yet to be shattered by the strain of the working world, you rub the sleep from beneath your weary eyes. blinking and yawning like a drowsy child.

beyond the translucent glass of your windows, glimmering with the light of a sun soon to rise, the world is painted pink and indigo — save for that one hint of gold, a streak of honey slathered across the surface of the sky. fluffy clouds drift through the chilly air, melting in the wake of a new day, and you think they look a little like tufts of cotton candy. soft enough to sink your teeth into, if only the glass wasn’t in the way. keeping the cold out.

it’s a new day. a pleasant morning, sitting comfortably on the brink of dawn, before the city has a chance to rouse from its slumber.

a kind of solitude you so rarely get to bask in. 

a false solitude, really. because, for once, there’s another human being in your home — one you don’t know nearly as well as you’d like, for him to be fast asleep on your couch, cheek smushed against the leather. snoring softly. 

satoru gojo.

like this, he looks very… human. vulnerable. hair just slightly tousled, from tossing and turning on your not-so-comfortable couch, blindfold only covering one of his eyes and close to slipping off entirely. his expression has melted into one of something vaguely resembling relaxation, as close to unguarded as you assume he can physically get.

even in his sleep, he looks a little stiff. not entirely at peace; like a stray cat sleeping under the hood of a car. 

(you’re curious. fascinated, maybe, by the loneliness that clings to the strongest person in the universe. by the paradoxical innocence of his grin.)

honestly, everything from last night is kind of a blur. you remember accompanying the strongest sorcerer on a mission, one long enough to leave you completely and utterly spent, fatigue nestled deep into your bones. remember gojo getting a sudden migraine, so earth-shattering that you thought he was going to keel over and throw up in the middle of the street.

then you remember bringing him back home with you. very hesitantly, only after he begrudgingly accepted the fact that he didn’t have much of a choice. because you were fucking exhausted, and so was he, and your apartment happened to be conveniently close. you remember him practically passing out on your couch, still somehow managing to crack a bad joke you can’t recall, while you went to collapse into the comfort of your bed.

and now you’re here. dyed in half-transparent sunbeams, caffeine bubbling in your veins, gazing at your sleeping coworker from your spot by the kitchen table. waiting for the world to open its weary eyes.

it’s still early. some part of you expects him to sleep a while longer, but you can’t say you’re particularly surprised when gojo begins to stir.

a splotch of sunshine splatters across your living room window, staining the floorboards, falling over the contours of his pretty face. in the light, he looks positively holy; white lashes, pale skin, plump lips. like a goddess.

when he opens his eyes, it’s even worse. a single iris cracked open, pooling with unbridled brilliance. eyes so blue they seem to cut through the stillness of the air.

(— and the world wakes up.)

a little groan slips from his lips, barely audible. with groggy movements, he brings a hand up to his face, obscuring the grating light of the sun flitting in. you think you can almost see the gears of his mind turn, as he takes notice of his surroundings, remembering what transpired just hours before.

faster than you thought, he regains some semblance of composure. huffing under his breath, as he forces himself into a sitting position. 

it feels a little wrong, to see the closest thing this world has to a god act so human. be so human. morning-fatigued, just like you, wearing droopy eyelids and a soft, sleepy pout. a little disheveled. groggy with lost dreams.

when his gaze meets yours, you can’t control the breath that hitches pitifully in the back of your throat. a meek skip of your heartbeat, like you just saw something you shouldn’t have. oops.

gojo cracks a grin.

“.. watchin’ me sleep?” he calls out, cheeky. paired with a drowsy yawn. composed, unbothered, but there’s something almost performative about it, something you’re sure you’d miss if he wasn’t still in the process of collecting himself. 

“good morning,” is all you offer him. ignoring his teasing remark. he doesn’t push it, to your surprise. “sleep well?”

a hum. absentminded, jovial. one of his large hands goes to adjust his blindfold, the other to fluff up his hair. kicking off the blanket you just barely had the energy to throw over him last night. your fluffiest one, warm enough to protect him from the chill gnawing at the windows. hopefully.

“like a log,” he quips, stretching idly, muscles straining under his baggy uniform. they must be sore, after that mission. or maybe he’s above such things.

choosing not to comment on his obvious lie, you put your lips against the ceramic of your cup. sipping from the bitter brew, a tinge of hazelnut on your tongue. letting him gather his bearings without you scrutinizing him. a little favor, one liar to another.

“thanks for letting me crash,” he grins, lazy. toothy. stumbling to his feet with a low groan, gaze flitting around the room — looking for the exit. “i’ll get outta your hair,” he mutters, and you raise a brow.

“not staying for breakfast?”

gojo stills. your question rings out, bouncing off the walls of the kitchen, into the living room.

his smile twitches, ever so slightly, in what you think must be surprise. then it’s back to normal; like putting on a mask, not allowing a sliver of weakness to slip through the cracks. he exhales a raspy chuckle, a sound that flows through the air and crawls down your spine.

���generous, aren’t you?” he hums, voice rich with amusement. dappling sunlight licks at the white locks of his hair.

you shrug. “i wouldn’t mind the company.”

the words climb up the walls of your throat, a little reckless, eager to catch a glimpse of the miracle before you. satoru gojo, framed by the simplicity of your home — somewhat hard to let go of. sunkissed skin, restless hands. a little out of tune. shifting from foot to foot, eager to get away.

(a little like a frightened fawn, you amuse yourself by thinking. he’s really more like the fox who scared it.)

you think he must be bit uncomfortable. forced to spend the night in a coworker’s apartment, one he doesn't even know that well, one he probably doesn’t have any intention of getting to know. still trying to politely excuse himself. persistent, stubborn.

maybe he didn’t expect this. maybe he was convinced he could sneak away, before you had a chance to wake up. maybe he thought you’d be all too eager to let him leave, and never speak of this again. maybe he’s not used to being wanted. 

“ha… i’m flattered, believe me, but —“

“what do you usually eat?” you ask. cutting him off, gently, tapping your fingertips against the edge of the table. “for breakfast, i mean. i’ll whip something up.”

a chuckle slips from his lips. you can’t put your finger on it, but something about it bothers you. “really, there’s —“

“if you’re worried about inconveniencing me, don’t be.” you pause, unsure of what to say. but the words end up spilling out of your throat, oddly honest. ”it’s been a while since i had the chance to make breakfast for someone else.” 

it’s strange, really, how intent you are on seeing this through. how much effort you’re putting into making him stay. you barely even know him. actually, you don’t know him at all — all you know is that his smile makes you happy and his strength makes you envious. that you aren’t afraid of him, even though you probably should be.

something about him just feels safe.

“i’m pretty good at making pancakes,” you hum, a small smile playing at your lips. polite, jovial. pale light flits in through the window and slips into its curve. ”do you want some? before we go to work.”

(something in his fingers twitch, when you say that tiny word; pancakes. a little tell. you just barely catch it, before it sputters out. before he reels it back in.)

a moment passes. slow, drawn out, a rubber band bound to snap.

gojo stands there, a very subtle contemplation etched into his features. behind him, your cats begin to scratch at the couch, but you don’t scold them. just waiting for something to happen. beyond the glass of your windows, the sun unfurls in the sky, stretching its arms to envelop the world.

he grins, suddenly. soft light reflecting off the white of his teeth. cocky, composed. not quite performative, a little more natural.

“well, if you insist.”

he strolls over to your side, just a tiny bit sluggish, lazy steps and comically long limbs. he must still be tired. but he takes a seat, right across from you, plopping down on the chair with an effortless air of confidence. lighthearted, leaning his elbows on the table, crossing his legs under it. comfortable. settling into his role.

you’re pleasantly surprised.

“how would you like them?” you ask, and you think some of your excitement may have spilled out with the question. if it did, gojo doesn’t comment on it. ”your pancakes.”

“with chocolate chips, please!” he shoots you a sweet smile. “and whipped cream on top.” 

so demanding. for some reason, it makes the corners of your lips quirk up. kinda like a bratty younger brother.

“got it.”

the smell of dark chocolate hangs heavy in the air as you get to work, shuffling around the open space. all while gojo waits, patiently, tapping his foot under the table and staring out the window. leaning his jaw on the heel of his palm. listening to the humming of nightingales on the branches of the apple tree down on the ground, and the buzz of your old radio.

the kitchen fills with motion, sounds, smells. life. splotches of sunlight, crinkled cartons of orange juice. the clinking of plates. two tired adults, seated at the same table, indulging in a fleeting peace and the promise of something new. something almost concrete.

a small, precious moment. enough to make your fascination shift into something you know must be fondness. or close to it. 

gojo grins at you, mouth full of pancakes, eagerly telling you about something the kids did last week. wolfing them down, chocolate smeared over his bottom lip. you laugh, and suddenly the world feels a little safer than it should. a little more intact.

you wonder what it means. where it’s going to lead. this feeling of something wonderful beginning, something you couldn’t stop if you wanted to.

a budding connection.

the city lays blanketed beneath a layer of thick snow. blurry pale dots dancing in the wind, obscuring the sky, frost engulfing every building in a bone chilling hug.

with a slight shiver, you dig your hands into the comfort of your pockets, seeking the fleeting warmth you find. admiring the frozen landscape before you, the hustle and bustle of people going about their day. the saffron light of the lamp posts, the glittering snow by your feet, the skeletal apricot trees and their bare branches. this monochrome city you find yourself in.

gojo exhales. strolling cheerily down the street, in tandem with you, a frosty breath to your left that scatters and melts into the open air. it smells minty.

today, he’s wearing black shades — like he usually is when you meet outside of work. it’s kind of nice. when you angle your face a certain way, you can almost see the blue pooling in his eyes, the white of his eyelashes. 

he’s beautiful. he always has been. but like this, you think his beauty is simply unfair, highlighted by the winter wonderland you find yourselves in. mesmerizing, the red flush of his cheeks, how he hums along to some jolly tune playing from a little corner store further down the street. all bundled up, in a stylish overcoat and a nice scarf, untouched by the snowflakes fluttering about. 

protected by his infinity, always. the silly god you call a friend.

he looks content, despite the cold that keeps nipping at your bare skin, smiling widely. blabbing on about the movie you’re about to watch, how he saw it back in high school but never thought it’d get a remake. how his friend thought it sucked but that friend always had bad taste so his opinion is irrelevant. how he has faith that you’ll like it.

(cute.)

distracted by the pretty man so close by, close enough to touch, you don’t look ahead. maybe just a little bit entranced. which would be fine, if you didn’t happen to be walking on the right side of the street — 

crashing straight into a lamp post.

”owch!”

it’s sudden. and it’s a harsh collision, enough to leave your nose stinging, an ache that makes you whine. cursing under your breath as you take a couple steps back, hands reaching for the part of your face that took the brunt of the hit. 

and gosh, is this embarrassing. you dance on the edge of death for a living, and here you are — whining over walking into a fucking lamp post. because you were too enamored by the beauty of your own coworker to pay attention to your surroundings. 

a coworker who is currently looking at you, silently. having failed to warn you in time, stuck in his own memories, caught up in his in-depth, spoiler-filled review of a movie he’s been waiting to watch all week. 

for a moment, all he does is blink. long eyelashes fluttering, like a dove flapping its wings. 

then he starts laughing.

scratch that — gojo is downright cackling, thoroughly amused by your clumsy mishap, like he just saw the funniest thing in the world. laughter ringing out into the cold air, white breaths to compliment the red of your burning ears.

asshole.

with a harsh furrow of your brows, you attempt to look angry; but before long, your lips are curling up. infected by his joy. a soft punch to his shoulder is all you manage, biting back a little puff of laughter. you’re embarrassed.

(so embarrassed you don’t even notice how he puts his infinity down.)

”don’t laugh, you piece of shit!” you hiss, grinning even still, flushing and trying to ignore the curious glances you get from passersby. ”it really hurt!”

but gojo doesn’t stop. doesn’t even attempt to. you think he just grew even more amused, if anything, practically bending over from how hard he’s laughing — clutching his stomach.

”sorry, sorry — ’m just…” he tries to speak, taking deep breaths in between bursts of giggles. ”how the hell — how’d you —” 

he stops trying. laughing, again.

and it’s a genuine laugh. a little wolfish, spilling out from his pretty parted lips, showing off his sharp teeth. from the very bottom of his gut, clear and bright, deep and infectious. melodic. shades close to slipping off the bridge of his nose, eyes tearing up behind them. trying to collect himself, muffled giggles turning to soft vapour in the cold air. dimples visible on his rosy cheeks.

and suddenly you can't think, can't speak, can only look at him and wonder how a human can be so very beautiful. how it’s metaphysically possible. like a crushed cluster of stars was given human form, a body of celestial light.

he looks so young, like this. a millenia younger, no weight on those broad shoulders, no immovable wall to separate you both. he looks like one of the guys you used to hang out with in middle school, running through corridors and play fighting and holding back shared laughter in the library. before the bite of the world left a mark in your skin.

he looks like himself. like someone pulled the mask off, and all that’s left is the human. none of the godhood he was saddled with at birth.

while you’re busy staring, gojo finally finds his composure again. wiping at his glassy eyes, a chuckle slipping out here and there. distracted by the breathtaking sight, you begin to forget the sting of your collision — until you feel something warm trickle down your chilled skin. 

searching for it with the pads of your fingers, you feel a trail of wetness beneath your nose. and when you bring them down, to get a look, all you see is red. 

”ah.”

gojo moves closer. maybe just a little alarmed, by the blood dripping from your nose, staining the white of the snow beneath your feet. a chilling contrast, one you’re frighteningly used to. it’s almost comforting. blood on your skin, that sting of pain clogging up your nose, enough for you to get lost in. colours melting together, memories rising to the surface —

when suddenly, something touches your cheek. 

one large hand goes to keep your jaw in place, gentle. smooth leather, sneaking under your chin, lifting your face up ever so slightly. warmth trickles from his fingertips through the fabric, and you can smell a hint of his perfume. strawberries and vanilla.

gojo looks at you fondly. wiping the blood from your nose, smudging his expensive gloves. from this angle, you can see his eyes, a blue shimmer in an evening painted white and gray — the sole flicker of colour in this monochrome city. they’re crinkled at the edges.

he looks awfully amused.

(you stay still, not breathing, like any slight motion could have him pulling away.)

”careful,” he croons. so low you barely hear it, almost a purr. the word has a soft underbelly, something you don’t need to dissect to feel.

a sentiment that seems to simmer in the air around you, drifting past the little corner store, a dog tied to a lamp post, your reddened cheeks. past the blue of his eyes, a peripheral that stretches to cover the city before you. words too heavy to speak aloud.

stay safe for me, silly.

then he’s letting go. sudden, the bite of the air replacing his hand. it lingers on your skin, like a memory, like the ghost of a memory. but it’s there. strawberries and vanilla, leather and warmth. something kind. warm.

and it stays there, even as gojo takes a step forward, no longer facing you. walking confidently, the wind bending around his tall stature. long legs and large steps, leaving an imprint in the snow for you to follow. a northern star.

he turns his head, and grins. hair tousled by the breeze, white locks glittering with snowflakes. ”you coming? it’s starting soon.”

a moment passes. 

”or do you need me to call shoko?” 

you puff out a breathy laugh, at that, stumbling forward. reaching up to wipe more of the blood sticking to your skin. sniffling, but smiling, teeth peeking out between your lips.

”yeah, yeah,” a roll of your eyes. ”’m right behind you.”

gojo’s eyes crinkle, disappearing behind his shades when he straightens his back and raises his head. moving forward, while you follow; his back turned to you, snowy hair melting into the white all around you. like something out of a painting. 

with a pep in step, you catch up to him. eager to hear more of his voice, his memories. still basking in the warmth of his hand on your jaw.

a touch from the untouchable.

gojo’s lying on your couch.

he usually is, to be fair, so it shouldn’t be surprising. kicking his legs up, watching tv — or sleeping, snoring loudly, like the couch belongs to him. like your home belongs to him. like he pays rent, and doesn’t just laze around and devour all the sweets in your kitchen cabinets.

(he’s there so often that you’re starting to wonder if you should give him a copy of your keys, or something. but you have a feeling that’d be just a smidge too intimate for him to ever accept.)

this time, however, gojo is doing neither of those things. 

he’s on your couch, but he isn’t manspreading, or draping himself over the leather with a lazy grin. he doesn’t have that air of effortless confidence. and it’s palpable, in the air, the open space, enough that you can feel it. an itch on your skin, a lump in your throat. you could practically feel it as soon as you walked through the door.

he isn’t wearing his blindfold, or his shades. he isn’t even smiling. and gojo is always, always smiling.

you think he might be having a rough day.

even the cats are noticing that something’s off. jumping up in his lap, trying to comfort him, brushing against his legs. purring, when he cradles them close — always so gentle with them. hands petting down their backs, softly, the same hands he uses to rip out the throats of curses and curse users alike.

then they mewl and run away. and for once you wish they wouldn’t, wish they could keep clinging to him like they always do. just to make him feel better. right now, in the state he’s in, you wouldn’t even mind gojo’s usual smug declarations of how does it feel to know they like their papa best? 

you can’t help but feel unsure of yourself. gojo isn’t doing anything, and he isn’t saying anything. he’s just lying there, on his back, eyes closed. letting the darkness of the room engulf him. drowning in his own thoughts.

he must know that you’re there. he must have heard you come in. but he isn’t saying anything, and you wonder if that means he wants you to leave him alone.

you’re reminded of that one morning. when he woke up on your couch, and looked more human than you’d ever seen him. how you wanted to avert your eyes, how wrong it felt to see a god rouse from its slumber. 

(but you know better now.)

hesitantly, you begin to inch closer, step by step. quiet, floorboards barely creaking beneath your weight. tentative, as you settle down on the couch. brushing against the infinity between you.

gojo’s eyes flicker open. like an old tape beginning to play. they still shine with that same brilliance, they always do, but now you think they look just a little dull. a little red.

a moment passes. agonizingly slow.

before you can properly think it through, you’ve done it. almost on instinct, jumping the gun before he has the chance to cover everything up with jokes and laughter. opening your arms; a silent invitation.

gojo only stares. 

his gaze moves down to your outstretched arms, and then up to your face. your pursed lips, nervous eyes, worried crease between your brows. one second passes. two, five. you stop counting.

for a moment, you’re almost certain that he’s about to get up and leave. that he’ll flash you a smile that doesn't reach his eyes, walk out the door and then never return. like you flew too close to the sun, just another icarus too mesmerized by the glow of his grin to notice your melting wings. like you stepped over the fragile line that separates his bones from yours, his heartbeat from your greedy hands.

— but then he sluggishly gets into a sitting position, and doesn't look at you.

when gojo collapses into your embrace, you’re so surprised that you almost forget how to breathe. almost forget your own name, forget whose home you’re in, why your arms are wrapped around a pale man. all you can think of is how warm he feels, how he’s like a weighted blanket against you. how he trusts you enough to come so very close. 

cheek pressed against your chest, arms loose around your waist. no infinity, no barriers. just a single touch shared between two damaged human beings. 

a brief inhale gives you the composure that you need. air flowing into your lungs, your brain, as you settle into a comfortable position. no words leave your lips; you just continue to hold him, one hand on his back, testing the waters. letting him hear the echo of your heartbeat. unsure, the both of you, but something about this feels right. close to right. almost there.

gojo is stiff. when you strain your ears, you hear a sharp intake of breath, and a full body shiver courses through him. a tremble of his spine. like he’s itching to run, like he doesn’t quite know where to put his hands. so painfully unused to a proper embrace. 

(a little like a frightened fawn.)

a tender something unfurls within your chest, and you feel almost devoured by the fondness rooting itself into your beating heart. delicate, as you begin to brush away his tousled bangs, leaning close. pressing a kiss to his forehead, glistening with sweat. letting your lips linger on his skin. 

he’s pale, shining in the bleak moonlight cast from the translucent curtains of your living room windows. pale like a ghost. and there are dark crescents beneath his dull eyes.

nightmares, you surmise. they haunt him too, don’t they? of course they do. 

eyes brimming with emotion, you gaze at him; quiet as a mouse, closing his eyes. leaning into your touch, ever so slightly, breathing out a sigh tinged with pure exhaustion. and a certain realization washes over you, akin to a tidal wave, sudden and inevitable. so obvious it’s funny.

you’re not a god at all, are you? 

a coo slips from your lips. barely a sound, more like a soothing breath. warm against his cold skin.

you’re just like everyone else. just as fragile.

one of your thumbs goes to smooth over the puffy skin beneath his eyes. so, so gentle. like one wrong touch could have him crumbling into little grains of stardust, spilling out over the worn leather of your couch.

there are so many things you wish you could say to him. so many things you’ll never be able to say, because you’re afraid that if you give him too much it’ll scare him off. like love could burn him if it were to leak out too fervently. like it’s burned him before. 

so you don’t say anything. but you think it, you repeat it inside your mind like a prayer, and some part of you thinks that’s enough. i’ve got you — a whisper that you don't dare to voice. 

one gojo still manages to hear, somehow, if the way he tugs you closer and snuggles into your neck is anything to go by. a shaky exhale brushing against your collarbone.

(if you feel something wet touch the skin of your shoulder, you don’t mention it.)

you simply hold him, and don’t even think the thought of letting go. even though it takes him hours just to fall asleep, hours you spend anxiously wondering if he’ll change his mind and pull away. but he doesn't leave, even though his body may want him to, and that's enough, and you don’t let go. not even once. he stays cradled to your chest the same way you’d hold a tiny puppy, something fragile. something you need to handle with care.

and when his heartbeat finally mellows out, when you hear little barely audible snores flow from his lips, you finally begin to relax. melting into the couch beneath you, watching him get the rest he deserves. praying that any nightmares of his will be given to you instead.

sleep comes, eventually, to the both of you. tangled up on the couch, him on top of you, comforted by the flutter of each other’s heartbeat. by the warmth of another human being. safe in each other’s arms.

(the next morning, through hazy sunshine and the clinking of coffee cups, he teasingly tells you that just satoru is fine.)

it’s barely daybreak when satoru wakes you up.

a rude awakening, to say the least. he pulls out all the stops, intent on not letting you sleep even a second longer; poking at your cheek, pinching them when that doesn’t work. tickling you, blowing cold air into your ear, flopping down on top of you like a big dog. anything to rouse you from your deep slumber.

and he just will not give it up. no matter how hard you try to ignore him, no matter how many times you swat him away with your duvet pillow or turn to bury your face into the sheets. that’s how satoru always is, how he’s always been, how he hopefully always will be — an absolute pain. one you wouldn’t trade for anything else in the world.

so, when he starts whining for you to just wake up already, voice tinged with a sadness that tugs at your heartstrings, you find yourself opening your tired eyes. all while he murmurs on and on about something unintelligible, still trying to bribe you.

”i’ll make you coffee, okay? just get up. c’moooon.”

”… what time is it, satoru?” is all you mutter, voice leaving your lips in a raspy, disgruntled fashion. stirring a little at the promise of coffee. 

he cracks a grin. ”don’t worry about it! just come with me.”

despite your grumpy attitude, and the ungodly hour at which satoru shakes you awake, you find yourself letting him scoop you up and set you down on the kitchen counter. placing a hot cup of coffee in your hands, made just the way you like it, before grinning mischievously in a way that has you feeling ill at ease.

and ten minutes later, you find yourself on top of a hill. overlooking the woods, and a big lake below you, no city lights visible no matter where you turn — god knows where he’s taken you, but it’s pretty.

breathtaking, even. all frost and wildlife and peace, sweet solitude, tiny flowers blooming on the patches of grass around you. a murder of crows takes flight in the distance, scattering into the indigo of the sky.

gojo grins, boyish and bright, excited breaths turning into vapour as he speaks. awfully proud of himself. 

”i can’t take you on vacation, but —”

he drags you with him, arm looped around your own, plopping down on the ground. not before taking off his jacket, to cover the ground beneath you. grass tickles the skin of your palms, as you comfortably spread your legs, making sure to sit as close to him as possible.

and your heart softens a little.

because he’s mentioned it, before; how it’d be nice to go on a road trip, someday, just the two of you. all around the world, wherever the wind takes you. basking in that feeling of freedom. it’s no more than a fever dream, though, with how busy satoru is, the responsibilities you both shoulder.

so this’ll have to do. that’s probably what he’s thinking.

”the sun’ll rise soon. it’ll be pretty, i promise,” he beams, so close that you feel his warm breath on your skin. that you can see the dimples on his cheeks, his barely visible freckles.

”oh, so that’s why you woke me up so early.” 

his smile widens. ”nice, right? i wanted to surprise you. d’you like it?”

a smile blooms on your lips, in tandem with his, honeyed and content. indulgent. gojo looks at it, and immediately knows your answer.

”yeah. it’s really pretty out here,” you face forward, taking a deep breath, fresh morning air entering your lungs. cool and crisp, stirring your sleepy mind. ”kinda nostalgic.”

satoru hums, and follows your lead. looking ahead, admiring the beauty of an empty world.

the big lake looks like a mirror, from here, glittering in the peripheral of your vision. the sun licks at the frozen sky, not quite breaking through, not entirely ready to rise — but it paints everything a rusty gold and you can almost feel spring shining through, taste it on your tongue, that promise of something better, something more concrete. a warmth you don’t have to question. 

a warmth that’ll stay with you for a long time to come.

it takes about ten seconds for the man by your side to start speaking, again, shattering the peaceful silence. but you don’t mind. his voice is nice, a mellow melody to your morning-fatigued brain.

side by side, you wait for the sun to rise. sharing hushed whispers and laughter, like two kids having a sleepover. like nothing exists but the space that cocoons you, wraps you up in a nostalgia so palpable the entire world feels like a fond memory.

(it makes you feel a millenia younger.)

satoru giggles like a child, telling you about something shoko said, or something megumi did, and you don’t miss a single word that spills from his glossy lips. hanging on to every word he’s willing to give to you. 

he looks so unbothered, like this. eyes crinkling, humming some tune you don’t recognize, like a little nightingale ready to take flight into the skies.

you part your lips, admiring his features. every patch of skin you can see. words making themselves manifest, hungry to see inside his brain, to know more about him. a fascination that’s never quite left you — though now you think it may be better described as love. ”hey, satoru?”

at the sound of his name, he turns to you. the weight of his eyes feels so light, like this. those blessed eyes staring into yours. he tilts his head, a smile playing at his lips. ”mm?”

”if you could go anywhere you wanted, where would you be right now?”

satoru blinks.

he looks at you, a mild surprise flitting through the lines of his face, as he takes you in. measures the weight of your words.

then he smiles, again. lopsided, almost a smirk, rich with amusement. a hum buzzes in his throat, like a butterfly itching to break out.

”.. you teasing me?” 

a huff fills the air. ”it’s a genuine question!” you insist, moving your leg to nudge his own. ”c’mon. anywhere in the world. i’m just curious.”

another hum. he narrows his eyes, playfully, biting at the inside of his cheek to hold back a chuckle when that makes you grumble. pouting softly, tilting your head. he’s amused, you can tell. 

but he closes his eyes, lashes fluttering, glimmering with morning dew. and you can tell he’s taking you seriously. tasting the question on his tongue.

something shines in his eyes, when he opens them again; crinkling at the corners, soft lines of crows’ feet. you can almost see that burst of aquamarine, breaking through the black glass of his shades. like the laws of physics can’t contain it. and he smiles, as always, a smile so beautiful you wish you could live on the curve of his lips. flimsy, no teeth peeking out, no dimples to admire. but sweet. slathered with honey, as sincere as can be.

his voice comes out a little raspy, tainted with a tinge of fatigue, a smokey residue that sticks to the walls of his throat. but it's genuine, like he just woke up, like he's too sleepy to be dishonest. like every word he says can be no more or less than the absolute truth.

and when he turns to face you, tilting his head enough for you to see that shade of blue you love so dearly, his eyes shine with an honestly so palpable you feel like you’re being devoured.

satoru parts his lips.

”right next to you.”

a moment passes. silent, endless, no sound to be heard but the beating of your own heart.

at last, the sun breaks through that layer of frost, peeking up from the boundary of the world — and the morning begins to thaw. streaks of sunlight cascade down the contours of his handsome face, painting him a mellow gold, and it’s almost enough to distract you from the warmth of his hand finding yours. 

for a moment, satoru looks unsure. smile shifting in the light, into something slightly stiff, and you know that means he's nervous. silent, as he wets his glossy lips. pink tongue tasting strawberry chapstick. 

then he’s leaning forward. 

it’s chaste, the kiss he plants on your forehead, soft as the flutter of a butterfly’s wings. but it lingers, even after he’s pulled back — a warmth on your skin. a silent declaration.

he doesn't have to say anything. when you look up at him you can see the red flush of his ears, and when you strain your ears you can hear all those unspoken whispers. the sentiment neither of you will ever have to say out loud, because you know. it’s there. and it means everything. 

and you know that for as long as you live, you’ll both have this. one single thread of normalcy, in your unorthodox existences, one single glimmer of something almost entirely good. something that heals, something that isn’t a blessing and a curse all in one. something soft to the touch.

there’s no need to find the right words for it. there never was.

”kinda looks like melted ice cream.”

the words pull you out of your stupor. satoru’s looking at the sky, and you follow his gaze, watching the sunrise in tandem with him. 

it’s beautiful. soft clouds melting into pinks and oranges, dappling sunbeams lapping at the trees, a saffron shade washing over the empty world in front of you. a world that may not be so empty, after all, because you hear crows in the distance, and someone’s fishing by the lake, and you think you spot a squirrel in the tree closest to you. 

and you have someone, right next to you, right by your side. someone who won’t ever leave.

sometimes, loving satoru gojo feels a little like strolling on the edge of a cliff. like one wrong step could have you tumbling down, a mess of broken bones and unspoken words. but if you do stumble and fall — you know he’ll be waiting at the bottom of the precipice. arms outstretched, wearing that same innocent grin, ready to hoist you both back up.

so you know it’ll be fine.

swallowing down a bout of fresh laughter, like a flower unfurling in your chest, petals brushing against your ribcage, you give in. opting to bask in the moment, in his presence.

”yeah,” you puff out a chuckle, head slumping against satoru’s shoulder. he makes a little noise of approval, and your grin grows. ”it does.”

he doesn’t say anything. smiling, wordlessly, admiring the way the sun kisses up your collarbone. lighting up your face. and you bask in his warmth, how right it feels to be tucked into his side. how safe he feels, even now. how safe you make him feel.

you look at the man to your left, and he looks back at you, and that wonderful unnamed something unfurls inside your chest again. and, without having to speak it aloud, you know it will continue to do so.

many, many years later, he’ll still be satoru, and you’ll still be you. the distance between you will be what it always was; breachable.

and that will be enough.

#someone sedate me i giggled while writing this. im so in love w this stupid weasel #this is rly just my attempt at writing a more canon-aligned gojo and the kinda-sorta relationship i could see him having in canon #i firmly believe that he’d feel most at peace w a love that sits somewhere right between platonic n romantic !! #”me n the bestie <3” (selfie of u wearing matching rings) #its the kinda love that u dont need to label bc its just There. its just love !! a love that comes easy #im happy w how this particular gojo turned out i think!! :'3 hes my lil baby #in other news hes so bambi coded ☹️ i need to nurse him back to health #listen to capable of love by pinkpantheress btw its so gojo to me #jjk x reader #jjk #gojo satoru #gojo satoru x reader #jjk fluff #gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #jjk x you #jjk x y/n #jjk x gender neutral reader #gojo fluff #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru x y/n #jujutsu kaisen x reader

[p0th]

ik im probably rlly late to the party but what is objectum, like is it a role play thing, is it a coping thing? I need someone to explain it to me like im 5 bc i genuinely just don't understand what it is lol

So the literal definition of being objectum is someone who's attracted to inanimate objects, whether that be platonic, romantic, sexual, or somethin else. However, looking at it with only its literal definition doesn't really account for the intricacies that such a label brings.

I just want to point out that while some people see objects as alive (the label for that being POSIC), others dont. Animism is also a similar term for where people percieve inanimate things as having souls. Personally, I dont see my object as alive, but do sometimes use gendered terms to describe them and feel comforted by their presence. People can also be objectum and be attracted to actual people too.

Being objectum is also more common in autistic people. Object personafication is a common trait seen in autism and other disorders and i can see how that can lead people to being objectum. Though I have never been formally diagnosed with anything, i am probably neurodivergent & maybe that has a part in me identifying as objectum idk!! Theres a study on autism in objectum ppl here if u want to glance over it: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-56449-0

For me, I started using the objectum label coincidentally around the time I started finally figuring out that i was aroace and not attracted to real people. I realized that the love I feel for my friends is equivalent to the love I feel for my hobbies and interests which was also the same love i felt towards certain objects. I drew this out cuz i think its a lil confusing how im saying it LOL. Theres also a thing called "conceptum" which is the attraction to concepts which I think i actually fall more into, but I just go by objectum because it is more general.

You know how people will swear they have this great relationship with nature? How they feel so so connected to plants and how they love watching the ocean and how they wish they could live outside forever because the forest is a part of their flesh and blood? How they feel more alive feeling the earths fresh air and how nature teaches them things they never even knew about themselves? okay, so, why is this normal to say but once u turn it around into something that’s an object it is insane talk!! I feel like there's this interesting dynamic where its okay to be super attached to nature but kinda weird to be super attached to inanimate things but i think i am rambling & getting off topic!!!

Personally, I dont really have objects that im attracted to in the same way I would be attracted to a human. It is very broad for me. Others though, have certain objects that they really like and thats fine. For me, going by that label just makes me comfortable even if i dont fit into the literal definition. I like computers in general, not just my own personal computer. Objectum for me is just another way to say that my love for inanimate things can be just as great as my love for animate things. Theres just so much complexity and nuance in it that it is hard to describe unless you've experienced it yourself.

As for it being a coping thing, I've heard some people say its a result of not being able to trust people due to past trauma, but i dont believe that's necessarily true for the majority of people and not too good to generalize. Ive grown up surronded by friends and in a loving environment and am able to maintain relationships with living people, but also use the label of objectum because it makes me comfortable.

I can very much see how someone can look at someone saying theyre attracted to objects and just cringe a little bit and thats okay LOL. At this point, I have been exposed to so many concepts -being online so much and surrounded by so many diverse people- that i just dont even pay it mind. But, I know a lot of people have literally never heard of this label before and are just weirded out by it. I think honestly people need to think about the limitless potential a relationship can be when in the hands of such a complex being as a human. At the end of the day though, it doesn't hurt anyone but its also okay to be a lil unsure of it as an outsider. Just be kind to others!!

Im sorry if this is a bit of word vomit, if u cant tell i got a lil too into it & my thoughts tend to be rlly scattered LOL. thank u 4 the ask & plz let me know if u need any clarity on anythin cuz i know i am very hard to follow at times !!!

#ok to reblog #ask #objectum #os/or #WHY DID I WRITE SO MUCH #i didnt proof read this either so plz ignore any mistakes ToT #just know everyones experience is different #also sorry if u have like. no background on this stuff i kinda just presumed u knew the basic idea </3 #also also i did not know what u meant by roleplay sorry!!!

[joejoeba]

What are we 🤔

I dunno, something great, I bet! 🤗

Ramble (personal) (warning) ⬇️

So I dont like disagree with any kind of interpretation of two mafia boys who hang out a lot. Yeah, they're really brotherly! Yeah, they're besties too! Yeah, they could be a little more intimate than that at the same time! But people act like you have to choose just one dynamic, and it excludes the rest kinda? And idk how to feel about *that*. (Yeah obviously these two are just a vessel for my complex thoughts rn bear with me lol (or not, u can leave I wont blame u).

THE PERSONAL feel free to skip

I have people in my life who I consider family, who still dont fall into a traditional family dynamic (and especially not *my* actual biological family dynamic). I also have ppl that I love a lot that still wouldnt be considered "traditionally romantic", which is kind of an inevitability since nothing about me is traditional anyway, and I can't really help that. I've already struck out on most of these category qualifications (no attachment to biological family dynamics, non-monogamous, non-sexual) so I'm never gonna understand or fit in those super defined boxes.

UNPERSONAL AGAIN

Also thinking about on one hand, "non-American views on intimacy" and "non-modern-Christian-nuclear family dynamic". As in, firstly, just because you are physically affectionate with someone doesnt mean its inherently romantic if that's not the intent behind it. A lot of cultures are much more physical than what you see on (largely americanized) TV and the internet, and people are way too quick to put a sexual/romantic label on ANY act of physical intimacy. Secondly, found family is the best, but that doesnt mean it has to follow the traditional western family model (I'd argue that it shouldn't). Two boys who see each other as family despite only knowing each other for like a year wouldn't act the same as two boys who grew up together from day 1. Why would they? Why would you put the same lens on both? I have a specific distaste for "haha REAL siblings are constantly mean to each other youd know if you REALLY had siblings" because no?? Your experiences are not universal???

And like man, isnt Bucci Gang specifically about being the people on the fringe of society who don't fit in with the common understanding? I know the jokey view is Mom, Dad and 3 rowdy sons but it's never gonna be that clean-cut with people like that. Its defined by literally nothing but themselves, bc no one else would ever really get it, and no one else has to. That's queer found family culture BABEY.

So idk, I like my boys in a specific dynamic that doesnt really have a label, nor does it need one?? Cant they just be the way they are without needing other people to understand it fully? Interpersonal relationships are way more complex than 3 categories. And I'm sure everyone gets that, I am by no means galaxy braining right now, but sometimes you just gotta ramble about the unexpected inspirations you get from badly animated anime boys.

#Naramis #All I'm tagging this is way too rambly lmao #Sorry about thoughts but actually not. It's ok to think about life (yours) imitating art (your silly boy drawings) sometimes #Ok bye dont look at me again

[pup-pee]

*presents u my dick grayson hcs like ur @ my garage sale* (dick hcs #1?)

♡ this

♡ hes a passenger princess(no this is cannon whoopsie)

♡ dick is like the first girl 2 b killed in a slaughter movie, but just as a 27-ish yr old adult man

♡ draws on a beauty mark in a different spot everytime & gaslights any1 who asks about it -"hey wasnt ur beauty mark under ur other eye?" -"idk i cant see my own face"

♡ hes always losing his hairties bc he keeps shooting them @ ppl -& rubberbands 4 that matter

♡ we dont talk about the skin grip example -it involves a lot of falling & a lot of crashing -if ykyk

♡ dick usually has a twix in his pocket, but in order 2 get it u have 2 guess if its a left or right twix -he also respectfully keeps the left twin in his left pocket & the right twix in the right pocket

♡ he never believed in santa claus but is terrified that watermelon will grow inside him if he swallows the seeds

♡ not rlly a hc but hes vry mcdonals girl toy coded

♡ says "fuck it we ball" b4 jumping in2 a drug ring

♡ the hardest hes laughed in a while was @ a bucket falling over

♡ "masculine but in a peacock way" quotes,,,,,

♡ makes hot chocolate in a pot -refuses 2 make it in a mug it HAS 2 b done on the stove or its not the same

♡ knows how to do his make-up but doesnt know the name of the product he uses -foundation? no thats just my face paint

♡ if u ask him 2 draw, hell say "i cant even draw a straight line!"

♡ dick; *pulls out sticker sheet* *puts mlp sticker some1s face*

♡ swallowed grapes/blue berries whole as a kid bc he didnt know better -didnt chew them*

♡ dicks fav turtle is leo

♡ fixates on tinkering w/his bits & bots

♡ wears crocs -"y do u wear crocs?" -dick; kicks in their direction so the croc hits theyre face

♡ eyeballs measurements(like cooking) -until it comes 2 clothes, then its ultra mega super duper whopper popper deluxe edition focus

♡ h8s grippy socks -the textures weird + attracts halys hair(as if all socks wouldnt but-) -prolly h8s socks in gen

♡ had 2 have snorted pixie stick as a kid -i am such a believer that every kid has done this so he will 2 -as a dare @ LEAST

♡ when hes angry he plops 1 of those sweet cough drops in his mouth 2 chew on just so that he doesnt go off -any hard candy works 2 -he needs 1 of those chewie chewables

♡ biting/chewing hcs bc it needs a separate category @ this point -keeps chewing on earbuds -h8s biting his nails actually -no pen or pencil or eraser is safe -loves biting but h8s when his food is 2 chewy/has 2 bite harder than usual -has more than 1nce caught himself about 2 chew on electrical wire -bites ppl he loves 2 show appreciation/love nom -(i will defend this goddamn hc till the day i die)

♡ pizza bagels -if ur confused, come see me after class

♡ titans have basically banned horror movies from movie nights bc dick would complain about the gore/physics/traps/mo/literally anything 'inaccurate' -"dick its just a movie" "U DONT UNDERSTAND."

♡ has the most social media followers out of batfam but only posts 1nce a month(sometimes not) -its just a picture of his half eaten cereal captioned "beautiful day today"

♡ titians walked in on him doing a backbend & thought some1 murdered him(not 4 vry long though cause oviously he was alive i just like the thought of some1 like roy when he 1st joined the team walking in & doing the most dramatic gasp ever)

♡ listen, i like contortionist dick -its fun & silly

♡ takes 'cringe' as a compliment

♡ "ur mature 4 ur age!" dick; "let me fix that real quick"

♡ hair grows vry quickly

♡ h8s functioning labels(i mean we all should but yk)

♡ skilled in bingo

♡ over buys treats 4 haly -& toys

♡ insane internal clock -kinda ties in; tells ppl specific times -"meet me @ 2;37 pm" as an example

♡ comic sans enjoyer(literally stole from ttg but shhhhhh)

♡ more invested in presidential gay love affairs than WW1 or 2

♡ hes about yay high

♡ hyperfixates on languages istg

i literally could go on 4ever bc my brain is that highway in germany but i wont i regret nothing

pt 2 <- if i make 1 lol

#the amount of times i wanted 2 write “y? bc i say so” after a hc was crazy #my worst fear is that i make hcs off of a hc'd dick from another hc'd that was based off ao3 from some1 whos never read the comics #dyinf on the biting hc hill #dick grayson #dc #puppee hcs

[florenceisfalling]

ok wait i gotta ask bc i got like,, a real tiny mushy pea brain but do u have some kind of masterpost for ur ocs and stuff? i wanna learn abt them but im unsure where to start kinda thing !!

hey anon sorry this took me forever! you do not have a tiny mushy pea brain, and even if you did peas are yummy. not that your brain is yummy, though i bet its scrumptious. we at florenceisfalling dot tumblr dot com advocate for cannibalism ^_^

anyway!

i am so honored u asked and again im sorry ive taken foreverrrrr. but the best place to start right now is the website im currently working on :D

the website includes trigger warnings for everything !!!

i am an insane person and have been doing it all via carrd pages even tho thats a horrible idea.

it's a work in progress still, but the most complicated one (love and war) is nearly done! i just need to add the raiders and farmers to the people tab, and draw icons. its best viewed on desktop! my favorite part is that on places, theres an actual map, and you can click on the labels to learn more about the place - i recommend following the trail from the cabin, it tells some of the story.

i also have kiddo! basically complete, except for the image refs (theyre just picrews for now).

however i still have yet to add the other stories so here's a tl;dr for those :"D

extra-normal: almost everyone has a third eye on their forehead which allows them to see into a physical manifestation of their mind called the "second sight." vonnie is a nurse who works in a hospital ward dedicated to third eye injuries, and is particularly attached to a patient named avalon who is blinded and trapped in her second sight. she also works with a few regular volunteers, a trio of young friends (or perhaps lovers???) - daisy, who has no third eye; august, who is blinded in one of his normal eyes and thus has hallucinations and seizures related to his second sight; and tripp, who believes she's able to see into other people's minds.

living dead: the plot on this one is still not really my focus right now. theres a cool tv head oc named jacob, though. and a currently unnamed mad scientist.

pressed flowers: currently remaking this whole concept so anything ive posted here before is pretty much outdated!! now the story is this: theodora and oliver were childhood sweethearts, until teddie washed up dead on the beach. oliver still saw her ghost for a few years, but now that he's grown up and finally healing and dating a new girl named jessica - teddie shows up again and reveals that she was actually murdered. and the killer is on the loose, hunting again.

the mermaid's blade: this one i'm not gonna go into because i'm literally gonna try and film a lot of it next semester so y'all will hopefully be seeing it in that format soon enough 👁👁

you can find all of my story and character tags, as well as my general oc tag on my navigation page! however ive been posting for a long time abt these guys and the stories have all changed a lot so like.. dont trust the posts the further you scroll back lol

ty again for asking sorry my shit is so longwinded and complicated >_< lemme know if u have any questions or want more info on a specific story!

#my ocs #love and war #the mermaids blade #pressed flowers #kiddo! #extra-normal #second sight #living dead

[pansyfemme]

Hi Jude! I'm so anxious about my first appointment... stuff came up and I had to change locations and providers (still informed consent but not planned parenthood anymore). But! Otherwise I'm really very excited.

Your drink sounds really good. I love lavender in all forms but I've never drank it :0! I wish there was a cafe close to me! Alas. Country boy pretty much right now.

Has your day been good? I hit post limit? How are classes? (I assume they've started back up for everyone by now?) Find any new music? I found a song byyy The Ooze(s)? I think. It's short but SO good and loud and I could play it on repeat for HOURS!!!

Hi elias!! i saw u hit post limit, i admire ur devotion to #cecilsweep but you have killed my dash today oh my god 😔 /j (ily keep doin what ur doing, but holy shit dude) im so excited for you to start t! im sorry about the rearranging, it was the same way when i started- its always difficult to set stuff up at first!

I adore lavender in pretty much anything. My family are absolute freaks when it comes to how much tea we consume so we order several flowers and herbs in bulk, lavender being one of them and i make lavender syrup all the time when im home. It’s rlly tasty in coffee, but has a reputation of its own for being the east coast gay drink lmao, and is often overpriced. i live within walking disatance from four local coffee shops so im a bit spoiled lmao!!

my day’s been good, i woke up at like noon as most weekends start for me, i have some observation hw to start on (i have plenty of time tho.) but im pretty excited since i adore the professor im taking observation II from and he is nice enough to allow me to use color in all my assignments <3 Usually ur supposed to just do b/w charcoal but thats so fucking boring oh my god and this professor is a huge fan of my color work so he knows how much a chore b/w is for me. I’m thinkin of maybe drawing my hrt? idk i have to think abt it but i thought it would be fun.

as for music, on my way up to college on tuesday dad and i listened to the one pansy division cd we have like 3 times in a row and i havent rlly gotten over it yet and have been listening to their cover of liz phair’s ‘flower’ on repeat ever since. im honestly surpised we dont own more pansy division, my dad’s seen them a few times and theyre on one of his fave labels (lookout!) so it’s kinda odd we only have the one cd. but yknow, streaming is a thing, im just a snob and like physicals a bit more. I’ve been scouring bandcamp as usual for more twee and have been rlly digging a band called the harriets from osaka i believe, who have all of three songs out but i really like. I also bought a few of the max levine ensamble’s albums on bandcamp, theyre available on streaming but bandcamp doesnt have the sound limits other streaming services have and that band is best heard LOUD thru headphones. (i think some bands sound better when u can barely discern the sound LMAO) Theyre a pop punk band from dc that i started listening too exclusivly bc one of their members (spoonboy) is genderqueer and i wanted to hear more genderfuck type music. (tho pansy division is fufilling my every need for more songs abt gay male femmes rn oh my god. Listen 2 their cover of femme fatele, it makes me grin so hard. ) I’m on an honest search for queercore thats not like. how do i describe it? like neo-hardcore? like yknow, the very harsh and almost electronic hardcore thats popular rn but doesnt totally resemble older hardcore. I found a few bands i liked (DUMP HIM is pretty good, i also like yonic boom, which i searched for hours to make sure they weren’t terfs and can confirm they have at least one trans member if that helps a little👍) i also have learned that trying to find music that isnt hyperpop or death metal in the transcore tags on bandcamp is pretty impossible, tho i keep trying! what can i say, im a dude driven by horrible production quality, lts wild to me how polished some hardcore sounds nowadays when the main reason i like it is bc its grainy and harsh and hard to listen to. My love for twee but disdain for modern indie follows suit with that, if it doesnt sound like it was recorded on a budget of one dollar i dont want it!!! (with a few exceptions, i still cant shake my power pop infused childhood.) oh god that last paragraph is probably unreadable but yknow. autism

thanks for sending me an ask ily💖💖💖💖

[anosci]

(256-270 albums etc that I’ve listened to this year, copied from twitter) (now with art. [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19])

names and thoughts below cut

256/ BLÆRG - Solace Vertex (2016) feel a little like a groovier kind of chrome cylinder. unfolding perhaps. "The Dodecahedonist" ez standout. love the spacious vibes.

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257/ VA - Nocturnal Edge 3 (2023) this. is trippy. psy without the trance. check out the bass in "Reina"! the dist in "bizarre invention" god damn "yag si urowak" will rinse your brain. it feels a bit like how breakcore felt when the genre was new to me.

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258/ Juggernaut - Immortal (2023) some mixtures of adjacent clubby genres honestly pretty cool even if it doesn't entirely vibe with me. the one track that really stands out to me is "Invoke", for how it brings the guitars. its kinda like an alt reality retro infected mushroom

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259/ Super Shrimp - Popcorn Shrimp (2023) (listening first track) oh this is silly. yeah its a playful little thing. imo there are two reasons to tune in: "It's So For You" for a bit of a juke throwback and "leaves" for its soft beauty. that one's my favorite, ez.

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260/ VA - Atelier Tunes vol.5 (2023) a variety of clubby tunes. "condemnation!!" stands out to me. nice vocaloid tune with the DISTEST BEAT. good shit! i admire the plucky flavor that "Angelic Mirage Field" brought to (ostensibly) dnb

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261/ C-Show - C-Show House Collection Vol.1 (2023) houzzzzzzzz "Let It Drop" touches all the fun bases: M1, sax, wob. that's prolly my fav track but its all around good vibes in here

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262/ icesawder - 新生生活DREAM (2023) i love the attitude in this. it's loud. it packs a punch. the coring of my breaks in "axex" :') the massive chords in "abrandnew…" !!! the push-pull in "dori-min" :O this whole album is a standout among M3-51 imo. banger after banger

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263/ Phasma - H-N Label Sampler (2023) this brings some 00sidm-ish clicky beats + floating pads rly not what i was expecting from "hype nation" but it's lovely "AxSQ" like cmon. this could be from merck. "New Pattern (Phasma Remix)" sounds like smth youd hear on warp today.

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264/ VA - Aquarium (2023) lush tunes with a smooth future sound. the mix of soundscapes (plinky arps, big bass, orch stac, and pitched vox) in "Wastmundia" stands out as a sweet fav to me. even tho dnb lol "Orca" has a really cool vibe. fresh. "Challenger" is… fzgx if i may.

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265/ 7mai - Colorful Palette : Gray (2023) rly shiny and bright tunes! "Pearl" is so good. SU vibes in a cool cool way. piano & midtempo beats. ez fav of the bunch "CUTE-Mythology" is a close second but like. u cant beat that sweet piano sheen

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266/ Aice room - IT's U (2023) the last two tracks here are where its at. "Miss U" clicks with me idk why. its good ok lol but then "Need U" goes hard. also specific shoutout to the mingling of the chord textures and melody at 34s

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267/ Current Value - Beneath the Sonics (2023) challenging my "i dont like dnb" stance with rly good sound design and nrg. "Monster" god damb also…. whatever tf you call that wonky vibe in "Against". A+ fav

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268/ Nathan Micay - To The God Named Dream (2023) really weird: this reaches into trance vibes (and timbres) that i just dont like. but only sometimes. "Fangs" is very much my personal highlight: cool vox! call and response! breaks! "It’s Recess Everywhere" runnerup

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269/ Aphex Twin - London 19.08.23 (2023) 3 new tracks out of nowhere! "Soog E" is simple but effective at grabbing a sort of analog afx feel. analord feel? fav. "Body Pads" is wacky for its tonality, close 2nd fav. that only leaves 1 other track lol. its alright. a lil empty imo

---

270/ SDEM - IIRC (2019) "i want more like autechre" and this delivers while being its own thing. kinda wish "Kaelie" weren't so high pitched bc its good otherwise "Pranging" is def my fav here, despite "Usens" being the bangeringest.

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next page

#media thread

[guideaus]

ok i finished princess jellyfish

#personal #princess jellyfish lb #dont read princess jellyfish #just kidding... kinda. #it felt like the girls version of a shounen where it feels like things happen but also nothing happens #not a single character got any sort of development but the end celebrates 'our characters metamorphized!' #through making dressed that can literally change but ditches all the previous real concerns of cost/creation/if it even worked/etc #the series is basically 'neets dont know anything abt fashion/arent confident. tsukimi is the mc and she meets kuranosuke' #so u expect they might become confident through fashion... but no #and the series does kinda touch on topics surrounding fashion but not in a deep way #and it doesnt need fashion bc thats just kuranosuke's interest but it doesnt delve into the other girl's... what feels like a hyperfocus #or how it has them interact with the world (tsukimi mentions being left behind bc she was too into obsessing over jellyfish) #shuu outright thinks shes more interested in that than him. hes 100% selfless to a fault and its not adressed #kuranosuke is also into transforming people but the series makes it solely about tsukimi almost in an unintentionally toxic way #she also doesnt develop at all through out the entire series. shes still labeled princess like having no agency (is saved by everyone else) #the entire manga teases romance and love but then doesnt do anything w it or intentionally subverts anything #it just felt pointless but superficially 'happy' ?

[cimicherrychanga]

labels are so complicated why do i need a name for my identity

#shut up dave #i know i dont NEED need one but its like. bothering me #a while ago i realized im probably (???) aro-spec but its like COMPLICATED #I always lose romantic interest in people if we date and also?? #the diff between havin a platonic n romantic relationship w some1 is just the name u put on it right #bc u can be intimate n close n kiss n do all that stuff w friends too #so whats the fucking difference besides that u call them ur partner #and like i am Certain i have felt actual romantic attraction towards 3 maybe 4 ppl in my life?? #and either it kinda faded after a year or 2 of dating them or i just have absolutely no desire to b in a relationship w/ them #on god theres this guy ive had a crush on for YEARS and the thing is i know he aint shit the guy fucking sucks man but i cant get over it??? #he also kinda? seems to b an egg but thats none of my business #bitch has to sort out their own internalized things before anything else #anyway this ramble started bc ive been considering the akoiromantic label i also love the flag #and it would be an ironic little full circle to that one oc i made abt 7 yrs ago whos always had this id and is the oc i project onto most #but also its like. nooo that isnt right. #theres Probably some microlabels or smt out there that fit whatever ive got goin on but i dont think id be comfortable using one that #ive never even heard abt before bc new things scary

[bnha-butterfly]

Hi! Aaaaa it says reqs are open so? Dbdbbff could i pls request the twins suna and kita with a trans male autistic s/o? Like headcanons on how they interact with him or whatever u want really tbh jdndfnn just ignore this if i did it wrong and sorry if i was specific enough. Ty in advance!

 Kita, Suna, Atsamu, Osamu with an autistic trans male s/o

Hi hi random ask again fnfnf so u said u prob might take a while to get around to my request so i figured if i sent this ask in to give further detail it wouldnt like really screw with anything bc u havent started working on it yet? Presumably? Hdhdhf when i sent my req in i didnt really have anything specific in mind outside of general autism but! I did think of more details that i havent seen really talked about in general (in all kinda autism content and discussions ngl) so uh what do u think about adding to my request "low functioning" s/o like cant go to school or get a job bc its just so stressful and s/o cant cope type stuff (bc whenever theres autism representation its always the more "higher functioning" end of things which is like not everyones autism? Like its like that very one dimensional type of autism rep when theres so many different ways it affects ppl and - i am not going to go on a rant in an ask jesus christ im so sorry djdhfh) and dealing with some rejection sensitivity dysphroia/rsd?? Bc these are topics that dont really get covered and all fnfnfn its ok if u dont want/cant add this to my req tho im sorry for just randomly springing more details on you dhdhfb also sorry this is really long and wordy and if its hard to understand i tried to write it in a way thatd make sense dnfjf i just wanted to send this for your consideration ok ty! Sjdjfh 💚💚 💚

A/n - Just as a heads up I try to keep my blog as functioning label free as possible cus they lowkey make me uncomfy (don’t worry I didn’t have it in my rules so it's okay!) I’ll explain why they make me uncomfy/ why I hate them in a different post if anyone wants to know why. 

Kita Shinsuke

  This man always has a stim toy. Realistically he probably has a little pouch in his book bag that he carries with him everywhere that is just full of stim items. There’s a stress ball , a fidget cube and a few other things

Whenever you feel dysphoric he will literally remind you about how handsome you are. I mean like stand you in front of the mirror and point out all of his favorite parts of you

Definitely reminds you to be kind to your body and your brain cus they’re doing the best they can

If he has to cancel plans with you he always makes it up to you and tells you that he’d rather spend time with you.

Kita is so understanding and caring. He understands that school and work aren’t really an option for everyone for different reasons and he definitely understands that both are designed for neurotypical people.

Suna Rintaro

Rin keeps an extra pair of headphones on him at all times for if you get overwhelmed 

If you ever mention to him that you’re going to sleep or if he sending you a good night text he always reminds you to take off your binder

Sometimes he wants to hangout with the team and has to turn you down. He knows RSD can make turning down spending time together feel like a kick in the face so he always promises to spend time with you later and tell you he loves you

If you ever have a low spoons + dysphoria type of day he’s coming over and spending time with you in bed. He’s bringing some of your favorite snacks/drinks/food and one of his hoodies that still smell like him. 

His love language is quality time so he probably takes you on a lot of dates. Especially if they have something to do with your special interest or hyper fixation

Miya Osamu

He learns how to cook all of your safe foods just the way you like it.

Every morning you are greeted with a kiss to your temple and a sleepy Osamu grumbling a soft “good morning handsome” to you.

He understands that work isn’t really for you. But, sometimes he’ll take you with him to the onigiri shop with him to keep him company. 

This man would move heaven and earth to see you happy everyday without hesitation. 

He’s super responsive to all boundaries you have. Don’t want to be touched or cuddled a certain way? Okay. Need him to give you space after a meltdown/shutdown or on extremely dysphoria days? No problem.

Miya Atsumu

If you are nonverbal/semi verbal he definitely made you communication cards. He gave them to you for either an anniversary or your birthday and they are super well done. They’re laminated their color coated and they’re just lovely

He’s such a good listener. He could listen to you talk all day and never get tired. Whether it’s you just talking about insecurities while in bed together or him listening to you talk about a hyperfixation/ special interest you know he’s always willing to listen. 

Insecurities who??? Not with Atsumu around. If he is not kissing away your insecurities he’s making you “laugh away the bad vibes”. 

He always reminds you how much he loves you. He literally will not leave for practice until he gets a kiss and tells you he loves you, it’s gotten him in trouble for being late a few times but he always says he’d do it again. (and he always ends up doing it again)

#kita shinsuke #suna rintarou #atsumu miya #osamu miya #haikyuu!! #kita x reader #Suna x reader #atsumu x reader #osamu x reader #kita x y/n #kita x you #Kita x male reader #osamu x y/n #osamu x you #osamu x male reader #suna x you #suna x y/n #suna x male reader #atsumu x y/n #atsumu x you #Atsamu x male reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader #Autistic reader #trans male reader #male reader #morpho talks #morpho writes

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

(tw mentions of trauma, no details of it)hi i need help i think or at least info dump if u dont mind :(

currently i identify as pan/biromantic because i love everybody (leaving sexuality out for now bc i think thats a bit more complicated) but recently i started doubting. i dont know if its bc im traumatized and i just have a hard time getting close to people enough to feel love or if i just dont do it at all? recently some1 im in a qpr has confessed their (romantic?) love for me and i loved them the best i could but i dont think it was enough. idk if it was a love language thing or if im not capable of showing the love they were talking about. i dont think i romantically like them (thats a whole other issue) but like what if i dont actually feel romantic love at all? i love my friends and i believe in platonic love and sometimes the line is blurred (like qprs). for example i have one friend who i really like (platonic?) and for me it is sometimes blurred but idk if its just a deep platonic relationship (qpr???) or if its a romantic type but i am just too scared to think that im romantic to him bc hes my friend and i dont want to ruin what we have. bc dont friends still hold hands and stuff :( i think abt stuff like kissing but im also scared of intimacy (trauma tingz) or maybe thats an aro thing??

i want to love romantically i think but like what if it isnt what i think it is? i realized im not sure what that feels or looks like anymore all i know is what ive seen in the movies--aromantic people are not broken!!!!! i truly believe that :) - but i feel broken?? like theres something wrong with me and i cant feel the same love like others. i dont understand whats happening or why im feeling this is :( maybe im on the aro spectrum? or maybe this is something to work out w a professional? im just so confused

any help or thoughts is greatly appreciated 🥺🥺

please take ur time w this ask!! i know its kind of,, a lot i kinda info dumped on u :( im so confused about myself

So let’s break this apart a bit.

First of all a lot of people have trouble distinguishing what is romance or not, or romantic attraction or not. And it’s really hard to define and explain, even by people who know they’re experiencing it. And for some people the lines are blurred or they genuinely can’t tell at all. So it’s hard in general, even without trauma making it difficult. 

If you’re interested, the faq for this blog goes into some detail about distinguishing romantic/platonic/alterous attraction. So that may be helpful for you. But honestly my biggest advice is to just check out aro forums/blogs/media etc and seeing if it’s relatable and taking your time, sometimes it needs to time to marinate before you can really tell you’re not experiencing an attraction, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

For the trauma, it can be really hard to separate out what’s trauma and what’s just how you’d have been anyways. And honestly, you don’t actually have to and that may be helpful. One way I like to look at it is if you match an experience or find a label useful, does it matter if there’s a cause? Also there’s always a cause, just is it the trauma specifically or some unique interaction of genes and other experiences that lead you to be this way? And the other thing if trauma is a factor could things change down the road? And the answer is maybe. But maybe someone else has a fluid orientation and it changes for them later too, it doesn’t make it less valid in the moment. 

So yeah maybe the reason you think you could be aro and you’re having trouble connecting to romantic feelings/attraction is trauma. But it doesn’t mean if you think aro woud be a useful label for you that you can’t use it. And it doesn’t mean you can’t keep healing and exploring either, but it’s up to you to decide what feels right. 

Remember that there is a different between feeling broken and being broken. And a lot of people when they’re first realising they could be aro feel broken, and it’s something a lot of people go through. It’s OK to have those feelings early on, but try and remember they’re feelings, and that doesn’t make them fact. Also one thing a lot of people have found have helped with those feelings is connecting to other aros and the aro community, and seeing aros who are cool people or happy or good with their identity can help a lot to feel less broken, and even if you decide you’re not aro in the end this can still be helpful and help take the pressure off when figuring out your label. That you can find happiness either way.

I can’t tell you how you should handle the situation with your qpp, except to say don’t be afraid to take the path that feels right for you. We live in a culture that really teaches a one way to happiness and to dealing with these situations, but there isn’t actually a wrong choice here, if you should try a romantic relationship or not. And honestly there’s risks either way, so it’s best to let your own feelings guide you. Sometimes we may make the wrong choice out of fear as well (and either choice could be that), but if that happens the important thing is you learn and you’re more ready next time a similar situation comes up. 

Should you get help from a professional? You absolutely can, and some people do find that helpful. Make sure you find a therapist who is open minded about aromanticism and aro identities and won’t push you towards allonormativity. And remember you can switch therapists or fire a therapist at any time if they’re doing that. Identity is really complicated and personal too though, so I wouldn’t say it’s necessary, but they may be able to help you navigate the trauma side of it better. But it’s up to you what path you think is best for you.

This is a lot of text, but to sum up, take your time and explore, and slowly things should start to make more sense, but don’t rush it. And try not to panic or be afraid of whatever identity ends up feeling right for you in the end. 

All the best and good luck!

#Anonymous #trauma cw

[acespec-ed]

hi!! I was wondering if u could help me? I’m alloaro and I just discovered the term aromid… and it makes me question myself. I’m very unsure if I’m on the asexual spectrum or if I just experience sex repulsion sometimes? I’ve looked at so many acespec labels and cannot find one that actually fits me. literally I’ve seen them all. I haven’t really felt comfortable calling myself ace and I do enjoy saying I’m alloaro but I wonder if I’m actually on the ace spectrum as well… how do I differentiate between sex repulsion and asexuality? For one, I’m hypersexual and feel the need/pressure to be sexual or I’m not good enough… and I do want sex I think? I fantasize about it and I enjoy smut and some art .. but when I visually see nakedness or irl sex… it makes me feel very uncomfortable and I don’t enjoy that. I enjoy the thoughts and fiction and when people are only partially clothed…. but I just have this feeling of repulsion and fear of actually doing it irl (what if I hate it and it makes me uncomfortable?) and when I think about it I do imagine myself and this other person but it’s also hard to actually see us and not just faceless non existing people… and idk how much of me wanting sex is just pressure from hypersexuality or me genuinely having sexual attraction … idk if I really have much of a libido or want for sex?? would I be able to call myself alloaro AND aromid.. as in I’m alloaro but possibly SOMEWHERE on the ace spectrum?.. or maybe I’m just sex repulsed and fully not ace at all? I feel like my situation here makes me unable to call myself alloaro but I AM alloaro and I love being alloaro… I don’t wanna stop saying I am but it also feels like there’s more to it?

same anon from before! I read a post of yours about the umm “allos see ‘cake’ and immediately know they want to eat it” and it confuses me … idk what I experience? I see fictional characters and I can go “they look sexy I am attracted to them maybe if want to have sex with them?” I see people and ??? idk sometimes I get unwanted thoughts of having sex with friends when I don’t actually want to or find attractive…I can see people and think they’re sexy/attractive .. but idk if I’d think “yeah I’d have sex with them” I mean it depends bc I think someone can imagine having sex with someone and enjoy it and want it but would they actually wanna seriously have sex with that stranger without having any connection with them…? Sex is scary so I’d need to know and trust them maybe… be scared to show my body..but I don’t think I’d be comfortable calling myself demi? Idk I don’t get this .. do I look at someone and immediately think whether I’d want to have sex with them or not? I really don’t know … also.. so…. Libido is just wanting sex in general and sexual attraction is wanting specific people?… how do I differentiate all of this it’s so confusing! I guess MAYBE I do look at peopl and go “wow they’re pretty/sexy id want sex” BUT I DONT KNOW LIKE IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT… am I not allo WHATS going on here .. can you explain what it would be like to be sex repulsed AND allo instead of ace? and the difference between that and being ace and sex repulsed? thank u

~~

I’m so sorry I’m saying so much I just have no one to talk to :C … but um… someone told me “if you’re sex repulsed .. you’re still allo unless you feel like u don’t relate to being allo anymore” and I’m honestly so confused because…. do my weird feelings towards sex influence my sexuality? do I still feel connected to being allo? personally I feel like these feelings are ones allo people don’t typically have ..plus I’ve always felt bad for not being sexual enough or feeling the same sexual feelings as people/ (also why do I have sex repulsion I don’t think I rlly had much sexual trauma going on.. some little incidents but still??) and if I told allo people these feelings… they would not relate and would think I’m weird for it ..but an ace person might relate and would understand … I feel like it does influence how I see my sexuality/attraction and complicates things…however.. I feel like I can’t call myself acespec bc often I want sex (even with a specific person.. although they look different when I imagine them and also don’t exactly have a Look/face/body in my head..same with me) often and I’m hypersexual so I like over sexualizing myself …plus I like saying I’m alloaro and don’t want to let go of it… nor do I want to ID with a specific ace spec label.. I’d like to just say I’m ace (just like how I call myself aromantic even when I’m specifically gray romantic) why can’t I just be ace and not ace at the same time or in between I don’t know 😭…. what do allos experience how is their life like with sexual attraction and how is someone’s life like without sexual attraction … I don’t get it at alllllll

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I saw you sent three asks and decided to combine them all in this post to make answering this easier. Just reading these asks are making my head spin, so I can only imagine how confused you must feel. And it's fine that you're sending so many asks- I know what it's like to have no one to talk to about things.

I'll start this off by saying you can call yourself whatever you feel most comfortable calling yourself. And if it's alloaro, then of course you can keep calling yourself alloaro. You do sound like you could fit somewhere on the ace spectrum, but I couldn't tell you where.

A lot of what I'm about to say you might already know, since it sounds like you've been doing your own bit of research, but here I go.

Whether or not you desire sex on its own doesn't determine if you're asexual. If you've never felt any urges to have sex with anyone specific, then you haven't experienced sexual attraction. So it's helpful to remove your interest in sex itself, along with libido, when questioning. Focus it all on if you've wanted sex with anyone in particular. If the answer is no, or very rarely, it's likely you could be on the asexual spectrum. You mentioned you've experienced it towards someone specific, so it sounds to me like you'd be in the gray area, if on it at all.

I will say, it is totally normal to be nervous, and even scared, of having sex at first. A lot of allos are able to get over this fear- possibly because of sexual attraction. I first felt sexual attraction towards my boyfriend, and though I was repulsed, I wanted to do sexual things with him so bad I was able to get over the fear and disgust through slow exposure. So I think sexual attraction on its own is a huge motivator to "get over" sex repulsion and go for it.

Of course, you should never do anything you are not comfortable doing. And never force yourself into doing any sexual activities. A lot of aces have ended up with trauma over that sort of thing. The reason I went for it was because I naturally became comfortable with things escalating as time went on. Kinda like exposure therapy, I guess.

I'm not sure if you already saw it, but I did write this post on an experience I had where I was sex-repulsed by someone I was sexually attracted to. So it is possible to be sex-repulsed and sexually attracted to a person, but I understand how hard it can be to tell for sure.

I can't tell you what it's like to be allo. But other than the few times I've experienced sexual attraction, I lived my life with a libido directed towards no one, fluctuating between being sex-indifferent and repulsed, and occasionally getting a crush I had no sexual attraction towards. 

As for what it’s like being sex-repulsed and ace: I can’t imagine having sex with anyone. I just can’t. Every time I get a crush, I try to imagine sex with them, and my brain just shuts that off. It wants nothing to do with those thoughts. Sex-repulsed with sexual attraction: It’s only happened twice and the first time (with my bf) I had no idea wtf was going on and it was 10 years ago so I can’t remember enough to tell you aside from what I’ve already said. The other time though, I wasn’t 100% sure if it was sexual attraction at first- but my body became aroused at the sight of him, and the arousal went away when he left. But when I thought of sex with him, I was grossed out. But I kept forcing myself to think of sex with him, and grew more comfortable with the idea. And the more I thought about it, the more I figured, “hey, maybe I am sexually attracted to him.” 

Every person is different though.

I can totally understand your confusion because some of your experiences sound like you’re allo and some sound like you could be acespec. I honestly don’t know what else to say or what answers to give. I will say this though: I strongly doubt any allo has had to question their allosexuality as much as you are.

But circling back to what I first said: you can label yourself as whatever you feel most comfortable with. It’s okay if you don’t fit the exact definitions of an identity 100%. Every person is different, even those sharing the same label. And if you decide your experiences are just too complicated for a label, you don’t need one either. 

Sorry if this was all over the place, but I hope it was somewhat helpful!

#asks #side note but if you have any follow up questions i probably won't get to them until tomorrow evening cuz work

[pansyfemme]

i’m also a mspec (bisexual specially) gay guy who is too scared to (fully) come out so i also wanna also say thank you for your support, you’re someone i kinda look up to honestly so seeing you support mspec gays makes me feel a little more confident about my identity :-)

im proud of u for telling me! I dont think myself as someone to look up to- but thats the (positive) consequences of having a small following- thanks for saying that! In my opinion- it would be a pretty boring and annoying world if we got to decide that people werent things just bc we dont understand them- its one of those issues where the opposing party does 0 research and expects for their arguments to hold up- kinda like my experiences as an aromantic person. Theres no ‘solid’ argument against us- just that we ‘dont exist’ like damn, why do i then? The modern community is so obsessed with specific, hard labels and also against them. Why people will write nine page essays abt what a lesbian can and cannot do to be valid but also cant believe that microlabels might help someone understand themselves. Things r fluid- ive said this a lot, but sexuality isnt like a set of rules. Im a gay man and I’m binary gendered. But there are trans women who are also gay men. There are nonbinary people who are gay men. And like you said, you’re a bisexual gay man. trust me, with my dad (as you know, a gnc, flamboyant bi man) im well aware that bisexuality isnt like the magical free pass against discrimiation that some ppl think it is- people dont stop being homophobic towards him because he also happens to be attracted to women. As for you, your experiences as a gay man wont magically stop because you happen to have some other attractions. While i get that just the words ‘bi lesbian’ or ‘bi gay man’ might seem odd at first look to those uninformed- its just really a lack of understanding of how the community functioned before we were public enough to be able to nail down precise labels. Same reason some ppl seem to have a vengance against me being a femme even though its commonly used in the gay male community as well- they just need to learn their history. I love you a lot, thanks for reaching out💞🥰

[mrfutureboy]

@rovermcfly tysm for tagging me and sorry this took 5ever!!

why did you choose your url?

i wanted a bttf url last summer when i got back into the fandom, and i wanted it to be specific to marty bc i love him but i also want to be him. im like, obsessed with the nickname "future boy" that doc gives him in 1955, and the url futureboy is taken, so i am mrfutureboy bc i am marty (kinnie shit)

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

i literally only have a handful for url-saving purposes. @rhodeystark and @masloki are my most notable old urls so i wanted them for safe keeping. i also have @goodnightfutureboy bc that was one of the bttf urls i was considering and i never got around to deleting it (if by chance anyone wants that lmk)

how long have you been on tumblr?

I think i joined in 2010.

do you have a queue tag?

back when i blogged a lot on desktop, xkit worked for me, and i actually queued shit for my blog it was “since queue been gone” bc i thought i was clever. i still think its clever tbh i just dont really queue anymore

why did you start your blog in the first place?

Iirc, an irl friend of mine heard about tumblr thru an upperclassman she was friends with, so she was like “sonny we should sign up for tumblr!” and i was like sure why not. first url was miss-math bc thats my deviantart username

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

im obsessed w mjf but im also a kinnie /j. i specifically love his look in that interview and also i own a very similar sweater now so. it me. also im basically aromantic even tho i dont really use the label so yeah i put that behind his pretty face

why did you choose your header?

skfkdksk its because i kept fucking dying in the stuart little 2 gba game. I havent played in a while but im stuck on the level where stuart goes into the sink drain to retrieve the wedding ring that isnt even in there

what’s your post with the most notes?

Feel free to fact check me, but im 90% sure it’s a screenshot of gwen and trent from tdi that i took, where gwen is like leaning on the table all miserable and trents got his hand on her back, captioned “rb if you agree” bc i thought they were really cute. i still get fucking notifications for that post i think its at over 500 notes now

how many followers do you have?

i dont particularly like sharing this since this is the only site that doesnt make that public, and it’s nice to not feel intimidated or make other people feel intimidated or ashamed, like how it kinda makes you feel bad when you have fewer followers than your friends on insta. but i’ll play, and as of right now i have 1065 followers im very grateful for <3

how many people do you follow?

240. ik my ratio is bad i promise im not being an asshole abt it

have you made a shitpost?

Ive been on tumblr a long time. Of course i have

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

I get turned off by those posts a lot but i do be reblogging shit sometimes ill admit. but not blindly like i have to actually read it and care about it. But if its a 10 mile long post where everyones adding how necessary it is that its rb’d, forget about it

do you like tag games?

yeah!!! it just takes me a long time to finish them lol

do you like ask games?

I dont play them v often or receive them but i do!

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

@chloezhao, period. also @jedflah and @lonepinetimeline were some of the big names within the bttf community that i kept seeing last summer and i remember being like “omg they followed me”. (Well. Actually with theo i didnt recognize his main blog so for an embarrassingly long time i didnt realize we were mutuals slfksk. he would like my personal posts and i was like “wait who is this” and i felt like a huge idiot when i realized it was him! our 1 yr friendaversary is coming up love u cowboy <4)

do you have a crush on a mutual?

no but @biathelstan and i are cowboy soulmates

Tagging: @biathelstan @thereisnosafetythistime @anakins-rattail @mahourobotto

#original entry #i straight up stole ur formatting rover but thank you for tagging me <3333

[aro-aizawa]

ty so much for your response hehe!!

yeah when i was younger ppl would be like, oo who do u have a crush on? and i dont think ive ever had one? sure theres been people i find attractive but id rather have close friends?? (qpr please 🤲) idk what crushes are even like too,,,,,,,, r u just obsessed with them??? want to spend time with them????

when my friend confessed his feelings i just kinda. blank screened. i didnt want to really date someone or anyone? friends was better. so the rejection was. Rip.

idk. in an "ideal future" there would be at least one person i love and we live together. to be best friends -- isnt that what the ideal marriage thing is anyway? but i squirm away from even the concept of dating anyway. for you, what do would u like, ideally?

also.... this is kinda funny but for a while i also id'd as asexual panromantic! currently i like queer bc its so versatile and it sums up so much of my (question marked) feelings towards sexuality and gender lol. ooh and also im getting a diagnosis for adhd !!! (same hat! ) (will the drs ever get in contact after the first questionnaire... *stares off into the distance*)

o)-( idk !! i think ill be experimenting for a while heh

(and im glad u liked the question haha, i hoped it wouldnt be crossing any boundaries)

ALSO with allo fandom reminded bc ur url... i really like fics which are focused on family ties!! when fics are always so focused on a single pairing, it doesnt interest me that much. like just caring abt one person and forgetting ur family/ found family also exists (when good family) is kinda... hm. Hm. Hmmmmm.

thank u again for ur rlly good response!! 🥰🥰🥺🥺💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

right???? i mean when i was younger i did have “crushes” but honestly, when i look back at them the ones i had in primary school was either a) a popular boy that all the girls had crushes on or b) a guy who i could potentially befriend and he was so cool i wanted to know him. at the time i didn’t even have anyone pestering me about who i liked bc i had One (1) friend at the time who didn’t care what i thought lmao but i told myself i had those crushes bc i wanted to fit in w the rest of the kids.

and yikes that sounds hard. like, honestly i really do not know if someone confessed that they had a crush on me. i’d probably be flattered on some level? but i’d also be HELLA nervous, probably decide that i’ll at least try it but eventually they’d get disheartened because i never initiated anything. (oops that sounds like how my literal one relationship happened that i never count bc we didn’t have a crush on each other at first until my friend told him that i had a crush on him when i didn’t. and he asked me out bc of it.)

honestly that’s a mood??? i feel like that’d be completely ideal, because as much as i love being on my own and i’m pretty independant, financially that’s not stable at all. i’d love to have a QPP that i can just,,, relax with. decide that i’ve had enough of being on my own and need to lay on top of someone like a cat decides to curl up with another cat. wouldn’t want to share a bed tho bc i can never sleep when sharing lol

nice! and hnkk yeah queer is deffo a good label. personally, not for me. i like calling the community the queer community instead of the lgbt+ community because it’s more inclusive that way but personally i feel like if i ever label that myself people will assume that i’m alloromantic because we live in an amatonormative society, but it’s a v good term. lol what are the odds! i’m not currently on track to receive a diagnosis of adhd just yet, it’s smth i was considering officially getting pre-covid times and then doctors are like “medical emergencies only” and so i’m just kind of,,, waiting for covid restrictions to ease before officially getting that diagnosis on the way. but like. on the down low bc even though my cousin got diagnosed w it, i’d feel like i’m attention seeking by telling my family i have it without an official diagnosis. but yeah rip it’s gonna take me forever to get it.

HARD SAME. i am. just so WEAK for family focused fics, they’re just. god i love them so much. it’s just. why does the allure of romance compell people so much when you can read about this gruff adult taking one look at this hurt child and think “time to find those adoption papers”???? like FORGET the shipping. i’m gonna get sucked into the 940th found family fic i’ve read ever.

(tho i do actually like some ship fics, they have to be well written and not involve the characters i headcanon as aromantic though, otherwise i will close out of that fic so fast. an annoyance in the mha fandom when 85% of the fandom views aizawa as gay and married to his best friend,,,, they just love to shoehorn that side note in there when it has no revelence whatsoever,,,)

#anonymous #aromantic #thank YOU for the good response #this time you get me running to my computer to respond #bc my laptop was being slow and laggy whereas my brand new computer could start up in like 40 seconds lol #Anonymous