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#jay is morose
sisididis · 4 months
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I might be giving away my age here, but one of the first games that got me into Greek mythology was Poptropica. (I did say that I might be giving away my age.) I haven’t played it in ages, but the Mythology Island quest was truly top-tier. And that mission where you have to rinse off the graffiti on the entrance to Hades’ realm?
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“Hades is a deadbeat.” 
After reading the Percy Jackson series, I can honestly say that out all the gods and goddesses, Hades is the least deadbeat parent. On the contrary, he might be the best parent out of all of them, at least according to godly parent standards. 
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feline-evil · 7 months
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As someone who, due to life factors i don't wish to detail, had turned to social media years ago as his only way to find any kind of social interaction or ability to find others like himself i find the slow, disgustingly pitiful deaths that capitalism is causing to major sites not only incredibly aggravating but also deeply sad and worrying. The internet is getting more and more sprawled out and disconnected and there are both more and more sites and yet fewer and fewer places that really feel like you can congregate on and easily find things you're into and people who are into them too, it feels like community is harder and harder to foster; and lets not even get into how hellish this is if you are a fulltime independent artist online who has yet to create a large enough fanbase to support you and follow you to wherever you have to go when the next site inevitably becomes unusable or hostile to you. And i know we like to encourage people to touch grass and go offline and make connections out in the real world and i agree that that is incredibly important, but i do feel like there's this elephant in the room of the fact not everyone can; the circumstances i have existed in have shut me off from socialization and i HAD to turn to the internet for it, and i KNOW i am not the only person who has lived their life in this position! People who are broke, disabled, live in areas hostile to them or simply devoid of community and without social events; sometimes the internet IS your best bet at socializing and i really do worry about people like this, like me, as the internet slowly rots as it is lately.
The internet was also for me, and i'm sure many others, the only place i could explore my queerness and learn about such concepts as being trans; if it hadn't been for social media sites like this one (as occasionally well meaning but clouded by discourse as it was) i would never have even known trans men existed nor that i could be one. I would have had no idea what was 'different' about me or that i could choose to be something other than that which was slowly destroying me with the grief i felt for having to be it. I never would have met my boyfriend either, nor my friends; you can scoff if you like but genuinely the amount of life changing and life saving things the internet have provided me with have ensured i am still here today. I don't know, i'm just mournfully watching as the year slowly erodes what little i've had over the years in terms of people seeing what i make or having spaces to talk to one another and I'm worried about how bad this is going to get. With every death of a social media website that's become The One we congregate on we each spread off into a million different smaller, harder to find each other on ones, and who among us can really say they have the same time to give 5 different sites that they give to 1. My world was lonely before the internet became a thing i could access, and so was many other peoples i'm sure. I'm worried about it becoming that lonely again for people.
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deadsetobsessions · 4 months
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DCxDP Writing Prompt
He haunts the streets of Gotham. These days, Robin, Jason Todd, son, solider, finds himself at a loss. He's doomed to an eternity of wandering his beloved city but to never truly touch the stones that made up Gotham's poorly paved streets. Jason's cursed to only see but never be able to help.
Until he met Danny Phantom, fellow ghost and teenage vigilante, who gave him a shot of ectoplasm to make him tangible again. He needs to talk to B. Immediately.
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"I- I can't eat the cookies."
"I... I am sorry, my boy." Alfred moved to hug the ghost of his grandson.
"Well, if you will it as an offering to the dead- to Jason specifically, I think he'd be able to eat it." Danny said, cutting into their moroseness.
"That is simple enough. I shall try, right now."
"OH MY GOD COOKIES!"
----
"Hey, Jay?"
"What, Danny?" Jason looked up from his book.
"You're getting pulled back into your body. Don't panic. I'll get Bruce and we'll dig you out as fast as possible."
"Dig- wait, what?"
Jason felt a tugging in his core. Oh. That's what Danny meant.
"Don't dig me out, idiot! You have intangibility!"
----
"YOU HAVE HUMAN FORM??"
"Uh. Yeah. You too?"
Jason screamed incomprehensibly, diving across the couch to strangle his dumbass brother.
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gallusrostromegalus · 8 months
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Okay but given that crows are ready to Throw Down with eagles at the slightest opportunity, I have to know- 1) are there crows in the Seireitei and 2) how much of their Daily Enrichment is causing problems for the 11th Division on purpose?
There absolutely are crows and jays and even ravens in the Seireitei and very nearly all of their daily enrichment is causing some level of mayhem at every division of the Gotei-13,
...except the 11th.
See, Zaraki has the distinct advantage over most eagles in that he is also a human, with a canny eye for social dynamics, and he's worked out a deal with the local corvids. He noticed the pair of ravens on the roof of the 11th the first afternoon he was there, made a note of them, carefully folded it up, and put it in his mental back pocket for later.
The ravens didn't actually notice him that much on the first day because there was an entire bisected corpse of the former Kenpachi and the medics were delayed in retrieving it for some reason so that meant lungs and liver and a spleen and gallbladder and a special course of freshly exposed brains before an eyeball each for dessert while some poor wretch from the 4th completely failed to chase them off with a broom. They did very much notice him in the middle of the afternoon on the second day, when he returned from the early morning captain's meeting they had slept through, on account of yesterday's food coma. -But even still sluggish with guts full of guts, they still sat up and took notice of a man wearing, loud, shiny and extremely steal-able BELLS.
A-ho, A-ho! Called the first raven from the middle boughs of the pine in the courtyard as the new Kenpachi sat down on the porch that surrounded the small and rather pathetic little garden, sighing deeply. What's this that jingle-jangles in like a jester and sighs and settles like a corpse at the bottom of a lake?
A great way for your mate to lose her beak if she gets any closer. He growled back, and the raven on the roof behind him startled, flapping away out of his blade's reach.
A-joke! A-joke! Don't hiss and rattle so! She huffed, joining her wife on the pine and ruffling her feathers.
It might be amusing sport on another day, but I have no humor to speak of. He clattered, turning his patch-covered eye to them in apology. I have suffered a bereavement.
A-no! A-no! Who is it who has died? Asked the first raven.
One who granted me the knowledge of letters, and further so, the wisdom of tales- in telling, and moreso in listening. Thrice blessed by her I was, and only now do I learn of her demise, fifty years too late. He explained, rubbing his temples and shaking his head, trying to soothe himself.
A-woe! A-woe! cooed the second raven in agreement. Any who teaches is a living saint, and their passing the most terrible loss.
A-woe, A-woe! the first raven cooed in sympathy. She didn't leave clutch or wife for you to look after?
She had a husband, but I do not know his name, and he is apparently deceased as well. The Kenpachi frowned. Her brother yet lives- he is my colleague even, and how I learned of this. A wretched way to meet someone she spoke so highly of- but you are right, he needs looking after. He is... unwell, and was never thriving to begin with, but the same sort of saint of words as she, and much braver than his body should allow. Of course, I will look after him for her, as is right.
A-woe, A-woe- A wretched meeting but the right and honorable thing to do. Nodded the second raven.
A-woe, A-woe, but this is not the source of your miserable sighing? asked the first. No, his care does not worry me- The Kenpachi shook his head, folding a leg up and resting his elbow on it and his cheek on his hand in turn. It's that I am left to wonder- If I had known sooner, or even before this catastrophe, if there was something I might have done. But you are interesting company so I will divert myself from useless morose- what do you call yourselves, carrion queens that live beneath my roof?
I am Mun-Yin! Declared the second raven, that spoke only in statements.
If she is Mun-Yin, might I then be Hau-Yin? Asked the first, who spoke only in questions.
You might. The Kenpachi nodded.
A-so? A-so? Who might you be that wears the shredded rags of a dead man like a pauper, but speaks with the grace of a prince? Hau-Yin asked, hopping from the pine to a closer boulder, cocking her head at him.
A-ho! A-ho! It may be your house that supports our nest, but we live above your roof, not under it! Mun-Yin laughed, hopping closer as well.
I am Zaraki Kenpachi, Captain of the 11th division! He smirked at the birds who rolled their eyes at him.
A-no! A-no! Pouted Mun-Yin We didn't ask for your NAME!
A-no! A-no! Sulked Hau-Yin Who ARE you?
The Kenpachi regarded them for a moment, then lifted his head from his hand and leaned forward, a conspiratorial grin on his face. Would you like to know a secret?
A-yo! A-yo! We love a secret! Said Mun-Yin, bouncing in excitement.
A-yo! A-yo! Do we not spend all day learning all the secrets of the city? Giggled Hau-Yin.
Then I will offer you a trade- The Kenpachi grinned, beckoning then closer. -I'll tell you who I am if you promise to leave my hair-bells alone.
Hmmm... the ravens considered, then shook their heads.
A-low, A-low, those are some very shiny jingle-jangle bells, and that's but one measly little secret. frowned Mun-Yin
A-low, A-low- Agreed Hau-Yin. That's not much of a trade is it?
On the contrary, it's a very good secret! Maybe the best secret in all of the Seireitei! The Kenpachi wagged his finger at them. Nobody knows it but me and my daughter, so it's very exclusive! And the risk is all on my end- some secrets are dangerous to know, but in this case, it would grant you great advantage- it would be DEEPLY embarrassing for me if any of the humans -and whatever Komamura is- were to find out.
Hmmm... the birds considered again, and nodded this time.
A-Quo! A-Quo! Very Exclusive and Deeply Embarrassing Secrets are The Best! We will take very good trade! Agreed Mun-Yin
A-Show! A-Show! Who are you, that we will leave your bells alone? asked Hau-Yin, hopping closer and bowing her head, looking up at him with a mischievously glittering eye.
I am Zaraki Kenpachi, Captain of The Eleventh Division, Father of Yachiru, Great Sword Bastard of the North 80th District, and most relevant to you- Youngest and Most Beloved Son of She Who Rules The Sky.
The ravens stared blankly at him for a moment.
What that fuck? Asked Hau-Yin.
Didn't realize we were speaking to ROYALTY. Muttered Mun-Yin
See? It's a VERY good secret! The Prince Kenpachi grinned, leaning back and lounging a bit- someone like him could make even a bare wooden porch look like a throne. -Also, you see how you DO SO live under my roof! He added, pointing up at the clouds.
The ravens shuffled a bit nervously, reconsidering him.
A-so? A-so? Hau-Yin asked, cautiously, shuffling a sideways to him.-How does Your Highness come to be a Shinigami then?
A-so! A-so! nodded Mun-Yin. Your Highness and We alike are strange enough birds for taking Names, but to take a JOB is unheard of!
It has it's benefits... The Prince Kenpachi shrugged. Alas, I may be Her Majesty's Son, but I did not inherit my mother's wings and guts, so I cannot live on the wind and whatever I might find by the roadside alone. Still- like a Name, a Job both restricts and offers opportunity- I am bound by duty, but I also am gifted a dry and sturdy nest and all the meat I may eat in exchange. And better still- My daughter now has her choice of tutors and scholars to learn greater Wisdom than I ever will.
A-sow! A-sow! Mun-Yin considered. You do reap well in that exchange!
A-though, A-though- considered Hau-Yin. Would you have the chance to reap in such fashion had you the wings of your mother? Are you perhaps Blessed in strange Human fashion?
The Prince Kenpachi laughed. Perhaps I am! Perhaps you may be even more blessed than I- you have wings and carrion-guts, but you are not bereft! I can offer you similar employment, if you should find it agreeable.
A-ho! A-ho! You are in a fine humor now, My Prince! Chirped Mun-Yin.
A-ho! A-ho! What is this Job you have in mind for the like of us? Asked Hau-Yin, intrigued.
I am in much better humor now, thanks to you both. The Prince agreed, offering Hau-Yin an outstretched hand and patting his knee to indicate Mun-Yin should join him too. There is naught you may do against death, but you may yet ease my bereavement- I am am saddened by the loss of my friend, but it's the lateness of the news that worries me. You say you spend all day learning the secrets of the Seireitei, and that you greatly desire Shiny Jingle-jangle bells?
A-so! A-so! Mun-Yin bobbed excitedly, hopping onto The Prince's hand. All over, all over from the high pillars of the execution grounds to the lowest grates where the sewers open up, we fly all over all over My Wife and I! And we see and we hear and we remember all the secrets of the city!
A-stow? A-Stow? You poses yet more shiny shiny bells? Hau-Yin clicked with interest, hopping onto his knee.
I happen to have two such golden bells, even bigger and louder than these, and will happily give them to you- with a Doll's shiny ribbon so you may wear them if you so desire- and other shiny and noisy things as I find them, if you tell to me all the secrets of the Seireitei.
Hmmm... the ravens considered.
A-yo, A-yo- It is a good deal. Nodded Mun-Yin. -But sometimes the winter is cold or the pickings are lean, and there is only so much comfort a shiny jingle-jangle brings when it is so.
A-yo, A-yo- Agreed Hau-Yin. Maybe sometimes a secret is worth a night out of the storm or a scrap of meat instead?
You are both very wise. The Prince Kenpachi nodded and the ravens preened with the praise. I am amenable- The ribbon-bells for all the secrets you know right now, and we can work out what payment is best in the future, when you discover more secrets for me?
A-Yo! A-Yo! crowed Mun-Yin, flapping with excitement. Your Highness is as generous as he is wise!
More, I hope! Laughed The Prince Kenpachi. I promise, I am a colossal fool!
A-Yo! A-Yo! crowed Hau-Yin What secrets would you like to know first? And may I have a Pink Ribbon?
I would like to know all you know about- hm, that's a tricky question actually.- There are so many things I wish to know! He considered, rubbing his chin, then jumped to his feet, making them hop, an Ancient Bird Game. Let me go get your ribbon-bells first, and make up my mind!
A-ho! A-ho! the Ravens laughed, hopping down the hall after him.
---
"Hey Boss, I found the payroll forms but fuck me if I can make heads or tails of- what's wrong?" Ikkaku called out as he came into the courtyard half an hour later, only to find Yumichika standing in the doorway, frowning pensively with his hand over his mouth.
"I'm not sure anything is wrong, per se-" Sighed Yumichika, waving at the scene before him.
Zaraki was seated on one of the boulders in the courtyard, delicately fastening one of Yachiru's shiny pink hair ribbons around the neck of an exceptionally smug-looking raven in an elaborate bow with a large golden bell in the middle. A similarly adorned Raven perched upon his shoulder, chattering excitedly between fondly preening where his eyepatch parted his hair.
"-but I can't help but think I've seen this scene before..." Yumichika muttered.
"They look like they're all having fun?" Ikkaku shrugged as Zaraki finished the bow and the raven ruffled her feathers into place, making it jangle and Yachiru giggle and applaud from where she sat on her father's knee. The Newly-belled raven hopped around to croak and click at him as well, flapping excitedly, and he put a hand up to stop her, asking her something in the shrill hiss and click of his native Aquiline tongue.
"You ever get the impression The Boss is way more articulate in Eagle than he is in Japanese?" Ikkaku frowned.
"Darling, he learned his Japanese from Bandits and Buskers and in Brothels, his Eagle has GOT to be better than that." Yumichika rolled his eyes.
"-ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Zaraki suddenly bellowed, shaking his finger at the raven in his lap.
Both ravens cawed in objection.
"-THIS IS NOT UP FOR NEGOTIATION! SO LONG AS YOU TWO LIVE UNDER MY ROOF, YOU LEAVE KANAME AND HIS EYEBALLS ALONE." he growled.
The Raven on his shoulder tipped her head, speculating.
"-He is TOO using them, they're there to keep his eye sockets and brain from getting infected with gods-know-what flesh-eating bacteria or whatever. NO. PECKING."
Both Ravens hunched up their wings and turned away, pouting.
"What's-His-Ass in the Fifth? The faintly greasy one that looks like a sad mop? His glasses are fair game, if it will amuse you." Zaraki relented, and both birds perked up. "-Might be worth a bag of potato chips if you can bring me a pair intact." he offered.
"Oh Gods, he's not gonna make me try to add a pair of BIRDS to the payroll, is he?" Whimpered Ikkaku.
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lookismstuff · 9 months
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Reaction to Ep 465
SPOILERS ALERT
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While one encounter ended on a positive note, another presented a dreadful possibility.
Once in a very morose mood, Zack asked his mentor Gongseob whether or not he should change his name (note: his Korean name "Jinsung" implies that he was expected to be calm and dignified to conquer his own demons and any challenges presented to him--WHAT AN IMMENSE BURDEN TO CARRY, WAY TO GO PTJ ZACK'S PARENTS).
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Gongseob, quirky that he was, was ready to rebuff all that nonsense out of Zack. Zack had to believe in himself, had to live in the present, because the past already happened anyway.
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But Zack had so long been dwelling on his insecurities, and the most persistent manifestation of these was Johan.
In sympathy, Gongseob admitted that genius was often a matter of genetics (in the case of Gapryong and James Lee), and was the fate for a legend. Since Johan was not the son of Seong Hansoo (goodbye fan theories)'s and therefore not related to Seong Taehoon of Viral Hit/ How to Fight, then the answer was simple: Johan was a genius that would spark the birth of his own legend.
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Basically, all that Zack had to do was to accept this fact. That even though Johan was a genius, Zack must still persist. Even when Johan's attacks were fast and unpredictable.
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But it's true that our efforts won't betray us. Zack could now see Johan's attacks, enough to parry them. It provoked Johan to see Gun in Zack again (surely we remember that Gun once wanted to recruit Zack too had Daniel resisted, right? Zack was another brilliant talent).
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Zack finally landed the final blow on Johan, the way Gongseob landed the final blow on James Lee all those years ago. Surprise, surprise, James actually wanted to learn from Gongseob but the latter spurned the red haired genius, saying that he'd never take a disciple (whoah congrats Zack, you won him over).
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Johan woke up and was all confused, but Zack simply cut him off by saying that yes, he came to save Johan. And Johan thanked Zack for that. (YASSSS! Good job, the two of you!).
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Somewhere else, Jay found the person whom he'd been searching for: Big Daniel. Robbed of Little Daniel's conciousness, however, he was an unknown, monstrous entity. And Jay began to realize this bitter truth...
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Overall, I'm really satisfied with how Zack vs Johan's fight was handled. Johan had to lose and Zack had to win for their narrative to move onward. Like I said before in that rant post : they could either salvage this friendship or abandon it, and it seems that they chose the former. I'm sad that Jay had to find Big Daniel first before anyone else did, and in that state. But I love the excitement that it would bring me as a reader.
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Nine Lives
CW: discussions of suicide and suicidal ideation. The Sandman fanfic, Fix-it for the Wake, ergo cannon divergent. Dreamling feels, but Hob is at the ren-faire with Gwen, and Death of the Endless gives him a present. I have used up my whole year's supply of cuteness on this fic.
Read here on AO3; or here:
If Morpheus is the King of Cats surely he has Nine Lives
Hob sighs as he nurses his too good beer. He’s been morose, passive aggressive, superior, and short with Gwen. She deserves better, she deserves to be with the man she thinks she is dating, Robbie, educated, moderately wealthy, emotionally aware, attentive, and born in the 20th century. Hob clutches the pint mug with both hands and tries to scry its depths. He is nursing not only a pint of beer, but a case of despair, both of which—or at least the despair—he should set aside, and instead find Gwen and a fine old time. But if he goes out there he will need to not be an arse at a Ren-Faire that has little attachment to accuracy. No one believes him though. He is here for Gwen and she didn’t bring him here to make a fool of himself. Best to keep a handle on how much beer he drinks. The beer is better than it was those years ago. But while the beer is smooth and sweet his thoughts are bitter this evening, and lonely enough that he wishes for the piss that passed for ale that evening. There is a different Dream now, or so he thinks. It’s not the same. He’s not the same. Hob is lonely for his friend and homesick for 1389. He takes a swig of his too good beer, and then startles.
Death looks lovely. She always does, but more so this afternoon. He thinks of taking her hand, asking for a last dance, it would be a good way to go out, dancing with a beautiful woman. They would find his body here later, a tragedy, they would call it, dead at only thirty-two! That should raise a smile. It doesn’t.
Hob doesn’t remember Dream’s - Morpheus’ - wake clearly, but he knows that he damn well could have. He should have been told, properly, that Morpheus was gone. Morpheus should have told him about how bad it was getting. Hob knew something was up. He didn’t ask Morpheus, he didn’t want to cause spook him again, have him run off again. Morpheus should have told him what was happening. Hob should have said more, been direct, blunt, overly curious. There were an awful lot of things that should have been properly said. No one told him, he was left to his own suppositions. Could he ask her if Morpheus were as dead as he would be should he ask her for her hand? She looks lovely today
But he needs it confirmed. “It’s true? Isn’t it?” Hob says to Death, “he’s gone?” He can’t help the question in his voice. Hob knows Death, so he has said, he knows what she will say.
Instead, she rummages in her shoulder bag. Then her face lights up, and with two hands she reaches in, she smiles brightly and broadly, and she pulls a small black blob of fur from the depths of her bag, and hands it over to Hob. He doesn’t have time to refuse
It is soft, it is small, it is rumbling with purrs and life and Hob holds it gently cupped in large strong immortal hands. He raises it to his face, not kissing noses of new acquaintances be damned, he is over 650 years old, today his heart just won’t stop breaking, and he’s damned if he’s not going to give a little love to a little cat fluff. He has plenty of spare love, love that was meant for Morpheus, best that love find a new home now. Hob is looking at the soft new thing, knowing that he will keep and protect it for as long as it lives, and his heart is already trying to break again.
Then the little thing opens its eyes.
not the blue of seas nor the blue of skies, not the blue of cornflowers or topaz, or bluebells, nor lobelia, nor flax, nor hydrangeas, not bluebirds, or Lourie birds, or blue-tits, or blue jays or herons or swallows, or tanzanite or opal or sapphire
Hob runs a hand over the kitten’s little fuzzy black head, rubs a finger along its puffy cheek, he smiles at it, touches a finger to its nose briefly, and then plants a kiss on the top of it’s head. The kitten purrs, giant whirling purrs. Happy purrs.
blue of the night sky lit with hope
There is a moment in this world and Hob and a blue-eyed cat are in it.
Hob brings the kitten tight against his chest, hopes it will be comforted by his steady heart. He doesn’t know how long he has been standing there. He should go find Gwen, she will be looking for him. But for now he just holds the kitten tight. Forever, he thinks, forever.
Fin. Thanks for reading!
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This is part two of Jason crying over Bruce, but this time centering around his childhood. To note: All but one of these Jason's crying moments here are in relation to Bruce rather than Bruce actively going out of his way to make Jason miserable, but isn't that part of the parent-child relationship experience? adjacently fucking up your kid emotionally?
[part 1]
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Starting off strong with Jason's pre-crisis adoption arc! This is the arc where we get Bruce saying he'd literally give up all his possessions and money to be able to keep Jason around when he and Natalia are going full divorce parental rights mode over the boy. So, Jason's been put in an orphanage for the time being as the whole legal side gets sorted out and both he and Bruce are heartbroken. Jason spends a lot of time crying and being morose over the fact in the orphanage (panel one: being taken away. Panel two: no tears, but he misses Bruce a lot. Panel three: Jason's covering up the fact that he is crying) Wild arc. Bruce almost throws hands in a court of law. Jason is very unsure of his place in people's lives, is kinda shy & sensitive, and even has a slight stutter to match his apprehensiveness at times, but he loves being with bruce and calls the manor home. Also interesting to note, this arc comes in two halves. The introduction of Nocturna then a break where Jason becomes robin to which we then fall back immediately into Natalia now including a complicated custody battle.
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this isn't a crying photo, but it's important to me. In this arc we're also given this panel of Bruce and Jason hugging and look at their size difference :( baby :( makes me think about, if comics wanted to hurt me more, how when bruce hears Jason's voice he naturally looks down sometimes instead of remembering that they're almost at eye level AND HE CALLS HIM HIS SOOOOONNNNN AND DC ACKNOWLEDGES ADOPTED PARENT_CHILD RELATIONSHIPS THST:S HID FATHER whhhhyhyhhyhyhyyyy sorry that got away me, way too much pathos, but also, come on!
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Moving on to more robin days, still pre-crisis, but it's that weird mix of turning into post-crisis, it's almost right on the line, we have Jason breaking down in tears over fear toxin which makes him see hallucinations of Bruce yelling at him about how "Jason failed him". It's So Sad that in this story Bruce's greatest fear (which he used to overpower the fear toxin) is Jason dying and Jason's greatest fear is failing Bruce and then both ended up playing out in comics years later (Jason dying and Bruce believing Jason is a "failure" Bat's words, not mine). lots of feelings over it. See, what modern writers try to do today with Jason's robin years will never live up to the OG. What I mean by that is the entirety of Jason's pre and post-crisis run is soooooo foreboding and Jason has a lot of near-death experiences (usually due to Bruce's own short sightings that modern writers try to emulate through the trope that Jason isn't good enough to be Robin). What makes it so heart-sinking-to-your gut in his OG run is that in these comics, the idea for Jason to die, isn't an actual idea yet. And, now, looking back, it's this sickening accidental foreshadowing that modern writers lay on too thick, too "obviously he's going to die:/" when No, He Wasn't. Here: it's not an idea; Nowadays, it's the actual canon therefore it doesn't have the same effect as we already know the tragedy. It interferes with modern stories as they focus too much on his demise rather than his character.
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here's one of Jason's near-death experiences. This is the arc before we fully switch to post-crisis!Jay. Bruce accidentally contributes to shooting Jason, in park row, a few blocks away from where they'll soon meet again once more by two stray gunshots.
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No, Jason's not crying, but I think he would be if he wasn't half dead on the ground. Like the last part, this one's more implied. Anyway, the irony of Jason's almost dying in park row where Bruce's parents did by the same weapon, also to the chest, but this time the roles of parent and child are reversed though Bruce is still the only sole survivor *mwah* Art! Furthermore, the irony of Jason being reborn and rebirth in the alley mirroring his rise from the grave ~20 years later. Jason's entire existence can be encapsulated by full circles, foils, and parallels. I love it.
Moving on to older Jason! In Lost Days, Jason has a lot of breakdowns. He is very much not okay at all during the arc. Here, he's around 16 years old and this is after Talia's conversation with a catatonic!Jason where she tells him how Bruce misses him very much and loved nothing more than him and his older brother. It's an incredibly significant moment because the tear once again confirms that Jason is somewhat aware of his surroundings. Another moment would be when Jason fights all the League warriors but doesn't defend himself against Talia meaning he is aware of who he's fighting and has trust held for the woman. But, even then, he didn't have any emotional reaction to being slapped, he just took it without argument. The tear is significant because it's the first emotion Talia has seen this shell of Jason express, one of sadness, one over Bruce. Even in this state of a waking coma, Jason still has a deep love for Bruce and it hurts so much to hear that the man missing him.
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Continuing the Lost Days theme! Jason has taken his swim in the pit and is coming to terms with all the missing time. The first two pictures are one right after each other where Jason finds out the Joker is still alive and Bruce continues the cycle of just putting the clown in jail
The third photo is of Jason having a mental breakdown on his way to Gotham over the fact that so many others died after him--He Was Dead--and it meant nothing, the joker was still killing
Jason's an angry crier! We see it here! We see it in UtRH! We even see it in the webtoon! It makes me think of that tumblr post, wet anger is terrible because it shows the other person that they got to you, and you cared--Still care. Shows you have a stake in the conversation, in the relationship, of what happened Really Fuckin' Mattered to you and Really Fuckin' Got to you. All of which links back to the sensitive side of Jason as well as how he tries to push down the fact that he cares for others and has a stake in the survival of the world (emphasized clearly in him saving the entirity of London and making sure the Arab students didn't get racially targeted and blamed even though Jason says he doesn't care about the world). Here though, it's the overwhelming emotion that he believed he mattered and Jay feels as though he's been sold a lie. He's angry. He's upset. He's hurt. He's miserable. He feels used.
Jason died when he was 15, was dead for 6 months and then was catatonic for another 1.5(this changes a lot bc sometimes he's catatonic on the street for 5-6 months, other times it's a year and then was catatonic in the league for another year). His last memory was of him dying, his next is his grave, and the third is the pit. For what takes over the span of 2.5 years for everyone else, happens to him in the time span of approximately 10 hours for him. Shockingly functionally for being whammed by some of three of the worst things to happen to him ever. And he still gets his throat slit soon after at the age 18 (I have the math written down somewhere, but canonically he came back to Gotham a couple months after his 18th, but even then he's technically 6 months younger than he should be due to 6 months dead and just know maybe the most streamline timelines aren't important and we should just read the stories without thought of precise age and time but I've never done it simple). damn. Someone, please ask him if he's okay. He's not. But it's the taking the time to care and ask that counts.
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And, finally, to conclude Lost Days, Jason's reaction to Talia telling him that there's a new Robin.
What I've always found particularly obnoxious about how fandom treats Jason and Tim's relationship is how so many believe that Jason was absolutely seeing red, spitting blood when he found out there was a new robin, but really all he did was like...lay down and cry. That's kinda Jason's thing if you've gotten this far and haven't noticed. This also falls pretty in line with Jason's robin characterization. He's insecure about his role as both robin and Bruce's son. Even when Jason's 15, he fears he's always at risk of being replaced and being kicked out. When he finds out about Dick, Jason's first question is wondering if the older will want his role back. He never got the full support and help he need, no matter how much others did or didn't help, so when Jay's PTSD finally came knocking for its due, it's as if Jason never actually left the survival mode he lived in the entire time before Bruce. So hearing that Bruce "moved on" with a new robin, coming into the spotlight within six months of his passing (and Jason went through robin training, he knows how long it takes. He knows that that kid would've had to pop up within weeks of his murder (not to suggest Bruce wasn't hesitant about Tim going out so soon after Jason's passing), it solidifies that ever-present insecurity he's had his entire life that he's never been good enough for anything or anyone.
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This one randomly hit me while writing meta, and I debated adding it because Jason isn't crying but Wow, is Bruce deliberately trying to be a dick. This one is a retcon with the age-old "You're not my dad" trope except, in a shocking twist, Absolutely shocking twist, the roles are reversed and *Bruce* says the "I'm not your father" line (something Jason has never said, mind you, towards any of the people he considers parental figures) (link here to my meta on that topic). I chose this image instead of the usual single panel because it's so much worse within the context it surrounds. When placed within its page, we, the readers, learn that this is one of the last conversations Bruce and Jason have before he runs off to Ethiopia to find his bio-mom. This is one of the last things Bruce ever tells Jason before the boy is murdered. Again, this is the retcon thing that I mentioned in the first part, these sorts of retcons don't make me feel bad for Bruce. This makes me feel bad for Jason. No wonder, after looking for a family for years, Jason would jump at the opportunity to have more. When the man he calls his father doesn't see himself as his father, Jason's desperation becomes palatable. The need to feel safe and wanted is overwhelming, especially with Jason's history of being rotated out for something "better" or "more important." Jason's relationship with Bruce is fundamentally different from all the other children because he started off by looking at Bruce as a father figure. And Jason constantly sees Bruce as Bruce first rather than Batman or compartmentalizing his own and other people's parts like Bruce does. Dick didn't want Bruce to be his father when he became his ward. This is important to their later years, when Bruce started acting like a parent, the two began to clash horribly. Tim wasn't an orphan when he became Robin and literally forged family members so he didn't have to be in relation to the Waynes. Steph would rather die than consider Bruce her dad. Cass was a grown woman compared to a child when she joined the bats. And Damian, DC believes Bruce and his father-son relationship is built in due to blood (that whole "I have one son" thing ugh). But, as seen in earlier panels, Jason did come into the manor looking for a father within Bruce (and Bruce, a son within Jason). You can ignore this retcon. Or you could not and read it as Jason being absolutely crushed at the thought that he found someone who wanted him as his kid only to hear he has been lied to this entire time. A la: like Shelia. A la: His worth lies in how well he is a "good solider"
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obligatory elseworld: Once Again, Batman: White Knight! this time the original run, not the spin-off. This is the world where Bruce manages to "cure" the joker allowing him to go back to leaving as Jack Napier. The world's a little more realistic in the sense the joker's more a crazed fanboy who tortured Jason out of jealousy rather than a genocidal terrorist. On this Earth, he tortures Jason brutally in attempt to get him to reveal Bruce's identity. He's in pure misery. It's like a softer version of Arkham Knight where instead of being murdered, he is tortured (though here for substantially less time, a couple months as opposed to like 1.5-2 years in the arkhamverse), and instead of returning to the manor, Jason leaves Gotham. (It's later revealed Jason does actually go back to the manor, but he sees Bruce training the second robin (on this earth, he's the first) and feels utterly violated and replaced). So, here we have a crying Jason, tortured so thoroughly he's brought to tears over his relationship and involvement with Bruce that he reveals the bat's identity leading Jason to his freedom.
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Anyway, Jason's overall character of Robin, OG run, retcons, and post-robin depictions, is characterized by heavy emotion, naivety, and hope. Personally, I feel Jaylovers would've been more lenient on DC's victim-blaming around Jason's murder if it did center more around his tendency to get overwhelmed in high-tension situations as well as how, throughout most of Jason's OG run, he is heavily portrayed as a lonely child desperate for love (his OG run says so itself. Again pulling from the introduction of Natalia arc, the narration box reads him "impatient for more love"). Though we know DC never would have done that as that makes Jason look too sympathetic. Saying "he died because he wanted to be loved" does not carry the message "he died because he was reckless" of which DC wants to re-write.
@tumblingxelian, I'm so happy you liked the last post and hope you enjoy this one too! If I've missed any panels* between Jason crying over Bruce within these two parts, please let me know, y'all. My "crying Jason" album, though extensive, is ever-growing. Again, these are just the crying in relation/because of Bruce panels sprinkled in with some of my "maybe Bruce shouldn't be a father" from my general "comic panels" album.
*I didn't add the Cheer panel because I refuse to acknowledge the story's existence I really don't agree with Jason's characterization within that story arc and believe how he got to the dream world situation is not based in his true character. The story fundamentally does not read like Jason as many aspects of, what I believe are, his core character traits are missing and I can't in good faith add a panel that reads like an OC (to *MY* interpretation of Jason). I also have a hunch that I did miss one panel from RHatO V1 when Jason's having his fever, literal acid dream, but I'm not sure. This realization is literally just hitting me now. I, for sure, missed a few BftC panels where Jason's having a mental breakdown over Dick showing him Bruce's will again. He's So Fucked up in that arc. And even though that arc doesn't read like Jason, the author admitted to wanting to write Jason as irredeemable as possible, as well as is one of the only confirmed (by the author) cases of pit mad!Jason, I say this with my chest, I like BftC better than Cheer because at least in BftC Jason is competent. Not to say I want that to be Jason's characterization, or even that I enjoy him written like that, but at least he despises the corrupt police force Bruce tries so hard to impress and that counts for something. I completely blanked on that arc and may do a follow-up part sometime in the coming weeks to see if I weed out any other panels matching the afformative guidelines.
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torreshalstead · 1 month
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On a crowded street in 1944 - bonus chapter
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Summary - The four walls of Upton’s General Store were all Hailey knew although she longed to see what else life had to offer. When a handsome soldier walks through the door, she thinks he might just be the answer to the life she wants to have. But it was 1944 and the country was at war. Would fate smile on her or would her heart be another casualty of the war?
Chapters - 16/16
Notes - and with this chapter, this story has come to a close. Thank you all so so much for reading along and I hope you enjoy this final snippet ❤️ AO3 Link
He knew he had been cheeky, pushing the boundaries of what was acceptable in society by asking for her to send a photograph. They had only been on one date, had only shared one kiss. It didn’t matter that he knew he loved her, knew he wanted to marry her and to make her his, he still felt like he might have crossed a line.
In his response he had apologised and said he hoped he hadn’t caused offence and that night he had prayed twice over that she would forgive him and respond to his letter just as quickly. It was her letters that were keeping him sane over here. The things he had seen, the things he had to do. Well, dreaming of her blonde hair, her pretty blue eyes and the way her cheek dimpled when she smiled - those are the things that Jay chose to focus on instead.
Those were the things that were going to keep him safe and let him keep his promise. His promise that he would come home to her and she would someday be his wife.
As Jay lay there, or more accurately, sat with his back propped against the densely packed mud, his friends tucked in close on both sides, he realised he hadn’t actually told her that he planned to marry her if, no, when he returned to home soil. He had thought it was a given. He wasn’t the type of man to kiss a girl and then not want to follow it through. He’d never kissed a girl like that before in his life.
Sure, in school, they had played spin the bottle in the school yard, tucked behind one of the old classrooms that was never used. So Hailey hadn’t been his first kiss. That had been a slightly mousey girl called Ally, and their lips had barely touched. But he intended for Hailey to be his last kiss.
He smiled morosely at himself as he realised that no matter which way this war turned out for him - that statement would be true.
When he closed his eyes and tried to ignore the sounds of the bombs or the echoes of the screams of those who would never make it home to their sweethearts, pictures in their pockets or not, it was Hailey’s face that swam through his dreams. It was her lips that sang him to sleep.
—————————————————————————
Post deliveries were both a highlight for the boys in the trenches but could also bring heartache.
There would be those overjoyed that a loved one’s letter had finally arrived, and those whose eyes would fall to the ground when told there was no post for them. There were those who had brothers, dads, uncles or friends in other platoons or other battalions who were waiting for news, and those who would receive a photo from their sweetheart and beam from ear to ear looking like a love sick puppy.
And then there were those who would receive the letter no one ever wanted too. The ‘Dear John’ letter.
One of the boys, Isaac, who usually bunked down a couple of people over from Jay and his buddy Mouse had received one two weeks prior. They had all read it, he’d passed it on as soon as he had read the words. It was curt, blunt, and broke the man's heart in two sentences flat. Isaac had barely spoken since. Jay prayed he would never receive one, that his and Hailey’s love could overcome the distance and pain that war would bring.
Today’s mail package looked a little smaller, fewer letters and fewer smiles on their faces. He wasn’t expecting a response from Hailey just yet, he doubted she had even received his letter yet. That didn’t stop him being hopeful that his name would be called and an envelope shoved into his hand.
It wasn’t his turn to smile however, it was Mouse’s. And as much as he was desperate to read Hailey’s newest thoughts, he was pleased for his friend. If they didn’t share in each other’s joy over here, well, it was one of the quickest ways to spiral.
‘She wrote me back!’ Mouse exclaimed as he tore the envelope open. ‘I only wrote on the off chance.’
‘Told you she would,’ Jay said with a smile as he thumped him on the back. ‘It’s the uniform, the ladies love it.’ It was a forced joke, an old tale with only a hint of truth to it. If any of their ladies could see them now, they wouldn’t nearly be so smitten.
‘She said she’s been thinking of me,’ Mouse muttered as his eyes skimmed quickly down the page. ‘Said the street’s not been the same without me.’
‘I bet it’s a hell of a lot tidier without you loitering on the corner,’ Jay scoffed but Mouse was too enraptured by the words on the page to hear anything Jay was saying.
‘She’s been thinking of me,’ Mouse repeated, his eyes glazing over with a love struck shine as he clutched the letter to his chest.
‘Better get you home in one piece then Mouse,’ Sergeant Platt said as he walked past them. He was a stern leader but he wanted the best for his men and Jay would follow him into battle come what may.
‘Preferably as good looking as when I left Sarge,’ Mouse chirped as the rest of the team laughed. It was easy to forget where they were when they were laughing and joking, they could have been boys in a school yard. But later that day when the fighting would resume, there would be no forgetting it. Jay didn’t think he would ever forget it. This was was becoming a part of him whether he wanted it to or not.
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‘Halstead!’ Jay turned his head quickly, it was mail call and his name being called could only mean one thing. ‘Letter for you.’
Jay accepted it with a small smile. He was normally over the moon to receive post, it was always from Hailey but this time, after his possible overstepping, he was concerned for what it might contain.
‘Is it from your girl?’ Mouse asked from his usual position, on Jay’s right hand side. They stuck together like glue now. Their unit was smaller now, Isaac hadn’t put his helmet on when they went over the top. Jay believed he might have forgotten on purpose but he kept that thought to himself. He wouldn’t taint Isaac’s memory for his family with a hint of cowardice. Although Jay thought it had more to do with the letter he had received rather than the horrors of the war. A battlefield wasn’t a place for a boy with a broken heart.
‘Yeah,’ Jay breathed out, his fingers brushing over the now familiar loopy writing of Hailey’s pen.
‘What are you waiting for you muppet,’ Mouse nudged him.
‘Nothing,’ Jay said, delicately opening the envelope so he’d be able to slide the letter back into it.
As he unfolded the writing paper, his heart skipped a beat. There, looking back up at him was a smiling picture of his love, his Hailey. Frozen in time in a black and white image, but her eyes were just as bright even from the page.
‘Damn Halstead,’ Mouse puffed, glancing over Jay’s shoulder. Privacy and the trenches were two things that didn’t go together. ‘How’d you get a girl that looks like that to agree to walk out with your ugly mug?’
Jay ignored him, focusing on Hailey’s words instead but his gaze kept dancing back to the photograph.
My dearest Jay,
There was no offence taken at all, I simply had not found a way to get a photograph taken, but with a little help, please find it enclosed. I hope this is what you wanted and it makes you smile.
Of course you have my heart, I hope it keeps you safe over there.
I miss you more than I ever thought a heart could miss someone.
I pray each night that you’ll come home safe, to me.
Yours forever,
Hailey.
He hadn’t offended her, and she had sent him a photograph.
It was the greatest gift he ever could have received.
‘Look everyone, Jay’s girl isn’t imaginary after all!’ Mouse exclaimed loudly and for once Jay was grateful for the layer of grime that coated his face to hide his blush.
There was a chorus of cheers from his friends and neighbouring units - a moment shared.
Jay knew it now, he knew in his next letter he needed to lay it all out. Tell her that he intended to marry her. He couldn’t keep it within him any longer. A girl like Hailey deserved to know how he truly felt.
He lifted her picture to his lips and kissed it softly before tucking it safely into his breast pocket, right atop his heart. It was where she lived anyway. Who’d have thought the girl he met in the general store would go on to mean so much to him. Someday that girl would be his wife. He tucked that thought away with a smile, when he got home, he would ask her in person to marry him. And if her letters were anything to go on, he didn’t need to pray she’d say yes. He already knew it.
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jmagnabo92 · 9 months
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PM 90 May 29 FOG
@prongsfoot-microfic
Sometimes, Sirius struggles with a mind fog that only James' kiss can get him out of.
AO3
***
Sometimes, Sirius isn’t sure what day it is.  He doesn’t know what the time is.  He can’t remember the last time he spoke to anyone.  All he knows is that he feels like he’s in a fog. 
A fog that overtakes him for hours, days, weeks at a time, and before he knows it – he’s staring into the concerned eyes of his best friend and lover, who’s trying to snap him out of it.  
One sure fire way to lift the fog is a kiss, and James doesn’t hesitate to kiss him passionately until Sirius finally feels the fog dissipate and kisses back.  
When he pulls away, James can’t help teasing, “True Love’s Kiss always seems to do the trick.”
Sirius hums.  “Maybe I just like kissing you, nothing to do with some magical kiss.”
“Sure feels like it at times.”
“How long was I out?”
“Just a few hours, I think Molly and Snape triggered it at this morning’s meeting – they were both giving you a hard time about everything and then there was a fight with your mother’s portrait, so…”
Sirius nods.  “Does that mean Harry saw me like that?”
“Our kid knows that you are going through a lot here,” James deflects.  “He’s struggling, too.”
“He deserves better than a parent that gets lost in the fog,” Sirius states morosely.
“Don’t do that to yourself,” James states.  “You were amazing last year, and he loves you for it.  Believe me, he doesn’t hold this against you, even if others do.  You’ve been amazing given everything.  If only I could’ve come back sooner.”
Sirius shrugs.  “I know you don’t hate me for my failures, but I definitely feel like I don’t deserve your grace.”
“Too bad.  You’re putting enough pressure on yourself.  You need my grace,” James states.
Sirius knows that James is being completely serious here, as he’s been assuring Sirius that he deserves better for ages.  “Thanks, Jay, I just – I’m struggling.”
“I know, but you’ll always have me to help you, okay?”
“I know,” Sirius assures him.  “Thank you.”
James grins and gives him a kiss. 
“Now, why don’t we go play a game with our kid?”
“Sounds brilliant.”
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Text
500 Miles (Chapter Twelve)
Summary: This is Part Nineteen of my series A Herrmann/Halstead Production. It is an AU where Christopher Herrmann's mom had an affair with Pat Halstead resulting in a baby. The series follows this OC character (Rebecca "Bex" Herrmann) as she grows up and gets to know her brothers and the various Chicago teams. It is very much an AU, just to underscore that. It doesn't follow the same timeline and characters will follow different paths.
Click here for the Series Rundown where you can find the links to read all of the previous installments (which I highly recommend you do so that this one makes sense.)
Rating: Teen and Up
Relationships: Christopher Herrmann & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Original Female Character, Will Halstead & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Will Halstead, Greg 'Mouse' Gerwitz/Original Female Character, Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes, Assorted OC Couples
Warnings: Angst, Emotional Conversations, Dealing with Past Trauma, Swearing, Discussions of Past Drug Use, Discussions of Addiction
A/N: To underscore my previous note, this is an alternate universe so things have unfolded differently. This will not follow the canon arcs exactly by any means. But I hope you'll still enjoy it!
Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Wednesday, August 12th
***
Bex
Bex stared at the calendar in the kitchen. Saturday the 15th was circled in red with ‘Emery’s move-in day!’ scribbled inside it.
Three more days.
Well, more like two and a half since today was well into the late afternoon.
Footsteps entered the room and then Emery’s arms were wrapping around her as she rested her chin on Bex’s shoulder. “Are you sighing at the calendar again?”
“No.” There had been no sighing. Not yet.
“Ah, just staring at it morosely then,” Emery said, letting her go as she went to the counter and put the kettle on.
“Meditatively, not morosely,” Bex corrected her. She grabbed a couple of mugs from the cupboard, ignoring Emery’s pointed look. “I’ve mostly come to terms with it all, but I reserve the right to have the occasional moment.”
“That’s fair.” Emery nodded. Though she still dug out one of the hidden cookie stashes to have with their tea. She could read a vibe.
The two of them caught up over their drinks, the week having already been jam-packed considering it was only Wednesday. Bex filled Emery in on her latest training session with Hailey and Julie. Jay and Sam were still helping out, but they’d had a special guest yesterday.
“Antonio,” Emery said slowly, wracking her brain. “That’s…Gabi’s brother?”
“Yes, good memory!” Bex had told her about everyone often enough, but her gang was pretty expansive. It was a lot of names to keep track of. “He hasn’t been around much since he took that job with the State Attorney’s office so it was great to see him. Plus, he had a ton of tips for me and exercises to help work on my speed.”
Emery raised her eyebrows at her over the rim of her mug. “Sounds like you’re gonna be pretty lethal soon enough.”
“Lethal is pushing it,” Bex scoffed. “I’ll settle for semi-dangerous. Enough to make someone think twice, you know?”
“That’s a solid goal,” Emery said. “Did you end up smacking this Antonio guy around as much as you have been with Jay and Sam?”
Bex laughed. “Yes,” she said. “And he had a great time, thank you very much.”
“Kinky,” Emery whispered and Bex threw a cookie chunk at her.
“He said we’re having way more fun over at the precinct than he is with a bunch of lawyers,” Bex said. “I think he wants to come back.”
“Going off of some of Jay’s stories, they do seem to have abnormally high levels of excitement over there on a daily basis. And that’s not even counting your fight club.” Emery rose and took their mugs over to the sink, rinsing them out. “Let’s get going. I don’t want to be late.”
They had a band practice tonight. They’d been trying to fit more in so Isaac could really get comfortable as their new bass player before they took on any new gigs. Emery had taken over from Ben as manager of their band and she was taking her duties seriously. “Come on, come on,” she said as she steered Bex out of the kitchen. “Grab your stuff!”
Very seriously.
They were the first ones at their rehearsal space by about twenty minutes, but Bex didn’t mind. It gave Emery a chance to get herself organized and Bex took the time to do some stretches. This training was still leaving her a stiff, hurting unit. She needed to limber up if she was going to bounce around, singing and playing her guitar.
Sam, Devon, and Isaac arrived next followed by Kira and Malia. Emery gathered them all in a circle for their band meeting.
“Check in time,” she said. “How’s everyone feeling about how practices have been going? Ready for any gigs yet? I’ve got a lead on a few, but no pressure.”
Isaac shrugged shyly. “I feel like I’m getting the hang of things, but you guys are gonna be a better judge of that than I am…”
“You’re doing great, babe,” Devon said, leaning in to kiss his cheek while Sam gave him a squeeze from the other side.
“Definitely fitting right in,” Kira agreed.
“We’re gelling for sure,” Bex said. Their last rehearsal had been pretty tight. “If everyone’s cool with it, I think we could start booking again?”
The rest of them nodded and Emery’s eyes lit up as she made some notes in her phone. “Awesome,” she said. “I’ll put some feelers out and let you know what comes up.” She tapped her phone against her knee as she chewed on her lip, eyeing them all carefully.
“Spit it out, girl,” Malia said, tactful as always. She reached out to prod at Emery with her foot, poking at her until she caved.
“I’ve been doing a lot of research and checking out the different venues and types of bands playing for what rates,” Emery began. “I know this started as a fun way to make some extra cash and it’s simpler to be a cover band, but I was wondering…” She looked around at the six of them, a hopeful smile growing on her face.
“What do you guys think about actually writing your own music?”
Everyone’s eyes went wide and then Bex coughed, slowly raising her hand.
“…is this a good time to say I might have some stuff to share?”
***
Thursday morning
***
Connor
If Connor had to name his favourite part about staying over at Casa Herrmannstead, aside from spending time with Will, it was probably this. Getting to join in on the Will and Bex runs.
It was like watching his very own morning show.
“It’s so earlyyyyyyyyy.”
“It’s a pretty normal hour for those of us who weren’t out late at band practice,” Will said, shaking his head at Bex and sharing a grin with Connor.
“Why won’t you just let me live, Will?” Bex whined as she trailed after them down the path.
Will turned to face her, jogging backwards slowly. “You haven’t been out for a run in ages—”
“Because I’m training and doing weight-lifting crap and going on walks,” she exclaimed. “The human body is only intended to endure so much.”
“We’re doing one circuit,” Will countered, blocking her way when she started to veer toward a bench. “That’s nothing.”
Bex groaned for longer than Connor thought should be possible without taking a breath. “This is cruel and unusual—”
“We’re getting pancakes after,” Will said, rolling his eyes at her antics.
“Oh!” Bex perked up. “Why didn’t you say so?” She picked up her speed, blowing past both of them. “Come on, slowpokes!”
Connor bit back a laugh as Will nearly tripped over his own feet as he tried to turn around and chase after her all at once.
“Did she just—Bex!” Will took off and Connor followed easily enough. He kept pace enough to stay close, but far enough back to make sure Will would beat out Bex for the final race.
That was his favourite part of the show after all.
***
Bex
She almost cried when she read the text from Mouse.
Could they push their walk to later this evening? Abso-freaking-lutely.
Pancakes had not cured everything that ailed her after all and Bex had a date with her ice packs and then the tub. Or possibly the other way around. Or both at the same time.
She hadn’t decided yet.
She’d actually had a great time with Will and Connor this morning despite the freakishly early hour. Will was right—it had been way too long since they’d been able to go on a run together. However, it did add up to way too much exercise in her life.
Even if it was self-inflicted.
But yes, an extra couple of hours to get body and soul back together wasn’t something she was about to argue with. And then she got to see Mouse which was an extra win.
“Okay, Bex, you can do this.” She tried to hype herself up before getting up off of her bed and then whimpered at the twinges it set off. She looked over at Kol who was lounging beside her. “I don’t suppose you could somehow piggy-back me to the bathroom?”
He snorted and smushed his face back into the mattress.
“Fair enough.”
***
Mouse
Mouse had been half hoping that Bex would suggest rescheduling their walk for another day when he texted her about pushing it back. Voight had asked him to stay late to set up the new computers that just arrived in Intelligence and it felt like a last-minute reprieve. He texted Bex.
Crossed his fingers.
And sighed when he got her chirpy reply of ‘No problem! It’s summer, we’ve got tons of daylight to work with. See you at 7!’  
Great. So, he still had a few hours to try and figure out how to have this talk. The one they had to have, but…a recap of his history with addiction wasn’t exactly something he could easily slide into a conversation.
It was time though. They’d reached the point where he couldn’t let them get any further without laying everything all out for her. It just—it wasn’t right otherwise.
Mouse bit back another sigh and focused on his work, futilely trying not to keep one eye on the weighted countdown of the clock at the same time.
He finished up by quarter after six, managing to get home to freshen up and leave in time to meet Bex. She’d suggested a new spot around the other side of the park that apparently had a path that led down by the water for a nice view. Hopefully that meant benches too. He’d sit her down before they got too far from the exit, tell her everything, and then…if she wanted to leave, at least she was close to the parking lot.
She and Kol were waiting when he arrived; Kol doing his little ‘ready to go’ dance. “Hey,” Mouse said as he walked up to them.
A slow grin spread across Bex’s face. “Hey! Glad you could still make it,” she said.
“Yeah, I, uh, I got worried I was cutting it close when I had to keep explaining to Olinsky that his new unit would still have solitaire on it,” Mouse said, huffing out a little laugh. Took ten minutes and a full demonstration to convince him.
“Man’s got his priorities,” Bex said, nodding sagely. She started toward the path before halting and narrowing her eyes at him, letting out a quiet hum. “You look like you could use some maintenance.”
Some maintenance—what? Oh. Right. She held her arms open with a little smile and Mouse—he couldn’t even fight it. He stepped into the hug, wrapping his arms around her and sinking into her when she did the same. There was a weight against his legs as Kol leaned against him.
The tension in his shoulders began to melt away and Mouse was beginning to think that Bex had a point about this maintenance thing. He held on for as long as he thought he could get away with before reluctantly letting her go.
“Wait until you see this spot,” she said, eyes bright as she got them moving. “Kol and I have been there a few times and it’s gorgeous.” Kol boofed his agreement. He pulled Bex forward, dragging her along by the leash and she reached with her free hand to grab Mouse’s.
He was going to talk to her soon. He was. But for now…
He held on tight.
***
Bex
Mouse was being weird. She was trying to suss out exactly what flavour of weird he was being, but she hadn’t managed to narrow it down yet. Was he quiet because of the long day? Or because he was gearing himself up to talk to her about stuff.
She wished there was a way to make this all easier for him, but it was really one of those things where the only way out was through. He had things he needed to tell her and the best thing she could so was listen.
Which she would, when he was ready.
In the meantime, she could at least show him this cool spot and hopefully make him smile. She and Kol hadn’t been on this path at this time on a Thursday, but Bex was hoping that their surprise guest was a creature of habit when it came to their own walk schedule.
They’d made it down to the path by the water and were walking along, enjoying the quiet. Well, Bex and Kol were enjoying the quiet. Bex had her fingers crossed that Mouse wasn’t just silently panicking beside her. She was contemplating breaking the silence when Kol froze.
Right on cue, he tilted his head to the side, eyes staring off into the middle distance.
“What is it, boy?” Bex crouched down beside him. “Wolves?”
“Wolves?” Mouse snorted above them. Bex looked up to see him fighting back a smile. “Bex,” he began and she held up a finger.
A lone howl came piercing across the water.
Bex grinned as Mouse’s eyes widened. Kol tipped his head back, letting loose a howl of his own and within a few seconds, the first howler returned his call.
“What is that?” Mouse peered out at the path, face scrunched up with confusion.
“There’s a husky who always walks here around this time and sings the song of her people,” Bex laughed. “She and Kol made friends. They do this back and forth—” She pointed down at Kol who howled again. “—until they meet up on the path.”
Mouse smiled at the slightly louder howl that came back at them.
“It’s fun,” Bex said. “Come on, try it.” She cupped her hands around her mouth and howled as loud as she could. Then she waggled her eyebrows at Mouse until he caved and joined in.
They howled until they were out of breath from laughing so hard.
Kol’s friend and her owners had become visible on the path a few moments ago. Now they were close enough that Kol was tugging at his leash, trying to get close enough to say hi. Bex let him drag them forward and did the introductions while the two dogs were busy sniffing and tussling.
“Anya, Carol,” Bex said, gesturing toward the older couple. “This is my friend Mouse. Mouse, this is Anya and Carol, keepers of Ms. Brigitte.” She pointed at the young husky who was currently kicking Kol’s ass at their play fight. He didn’t look like he minded.
“Sounded like Bex and Kol roped you into their shenanigans,” Anya said to Mouse with a knowing smile. Carol gave a not-so-subtle thumb’s up to Bex at the same time. “I swear, I keep waiting to see articles questioning whether or not Chicago’s got a new wolf population.”
“We can’t help it,” Bex exclaimed. “Brigitte brings out our wild sides.”
“Something tells me it doesn’t take much coaxing,” Carol laughed. She looked over at Mouse. “You better keep an eye on this one.”
Mouse held his hands up. “I’m just along for the ride.”
“Smart man,” Anya said, nodding approvingly. They let the dogs play for a bit longer before breaking up the love fest and carrying on down their opposite sides of the path.
Kol took the lead, walking at a more sedate pace this time. Mouse was quiet once more and Bex reached out to grab his hand again.
“What do you think?” she asked and he turned to her, startled out of his thoughts. “Wanna run away? Join the wolves?”
His lips quirked up at that. “You? Living in the wilderness?”
“Hey, I could forage,” Bex argued. “For example, I spotted a new food truck by the parking lot that had donuts. We could see if it’s still open when we get back.”
“Would we call that foraging?” Mouse squinted at her. “And don’t wolves hunt?”
“Foraging, hunting, semantics, whatever.” Bex shrugged. “It’s food located outside and there’s trees out here so we’ll call it the wilderness and I found the food, technically, so yes. I’d be fine.”
“…I have so many questions about that entire statement,” Mouse said, looking half-horrified, half-fascinated, and thoroughly entertained.
They debated the different ways they could make it out in the ‘wilderness’ and who could join their wolf pack and before they knew it, they were back at the parking lot…
Where there was indeed a donut food truck.
Bex dug out her wallet and handed Mouse Kol’s leash. “Excuse me while I go provide for our pack,” she said, smiling at his soft chuckle behind her as she went over to the truck.
A delicious amount of donuts later, they were walking back to their cars. Mouse had seemed fully relaxed before, but sometime between finishing their snack and getting to their cars, he’d tensed up again.
“Hey,” Bex said, getting his attention. “Thanks for still making time for a walk today. It was fun.” He nodded, smiling his little smile, but his eyes had gone distant again. Bex reached out and gave him a gentle hug. “We need to work you up to your daily quota.”
Mouse huffed a little laugh against her shoulder, patting her back before pulling away. “Building up my tolerance?”
“I told you,” she said, reaching up to smooth away the little furrow on his forehead. “It’s all very scientific.” She opened the back door of the Tin Can to let Kol hop inside. “I’ll see you on Saturday?”
“Mm, right,” Mouse said. “The big move-in day. Yeah, I’ll be there with Ed to get things set up.”
“Thank you—again—it’s so great of you guys,” Bex said. She opened her own door and gave him a little wave before sitting down. “See you then.”
He waved back, waiting by his own car and watching until she’d made it out of the parking lot.
“I think that went okay,” Bex said, peeking at Kol in her rearview mirror. He was already asleep. What a bum. Oh, well, she could debrief with herself. They might not have talked about anything tonight, but she’d gotten Mouse to come out of shell or funk or whatever and they’d had fun.
“Yeah, I think that was good.”
***
Mouse
Mouse dropped his hand to his side as Bex’s car drove out of sight.
He was a fucking coward.
***
Bex
Friday night, Bex had volunteered to cover the bar with some of their back up staff so that Chris and everyone could go to Shay and Tay’s housewarming party for their new place. It had been super hard for them to co-ordinate schedules so part of Bex’s gift to them was taking this shift so they could have this moment. She’d go and have a little mini-tour of her own down the road.
Of course, a fair chunk of their gang ended up back at Molly’s before the night was done and lined up to show her all the pictures they’d taken so it was kind of like she’d been there anyway.
What a bunch of dorks.
God, she loved them.
***
Saturday, August 15th…MOVING DAY
***
Emery
Emery took a deep breath as the flurry of activity swirled around her.
Today was the day. She was officially moving in to her own place. Standing on her own two feet. It was a little bit terrifying, but mostly…it felt freaking amazing.
“Coming through!” Devon made a ‘beep beep’ noise as he swept past her carrying a part of her bed frame.
“Babe, make sure you put that part against the wall so it’s out of the way,” Sam called out as he followed behind hefting another piece of frame.
Her tiny house was tiny bit crowded right now and Emery was loving it. She dropped the box she’d been hauling on the kitchen counter, smiling to herself. A few months ago, she never would have believed she could be this lucky.
She had a new start and a whole gang of friends helping her grab hold of it.
Devon, Sam, and Isaac had shown up along with Malia and Kira. And Bex, of course, with her gang in tow. Will, Connor, and Jay were unloading the truck while Mouse and his friend Ed were hard at work on her slightly intimidating new security system. And Lexi had offered to help, showing up with a smile and willing arms. Emery had been a bit surprised by how well the two of them had clicked, but enjoying the growing friendship between them.
She had to remember to set up a coffee date for the two of them with Kira and Malia before the day was done. Take a page out Bex’s book and blend the friend groups.
All of the unloading and unpacking was going way faster than Emery had expected—although most of her calculations had been based on her doing most of this stuff on her own after everyone left. She hadn’t really expected them to stick around and set stuff up and build what needed to be built and organize things.
It was a little bit overwhelming, honestly. In a good way, but still. An arm dropped over her shoulder as she swiped at her eyes and a tissue appeared in front of her face.
“Ask me how I know you let Bex help you pack,” Will said, smiling down at her as she accepted the tissue.
Emery was almost afraid to ask. She loved Bex, but the girl was both notional and easily distracted. “How?”
“I found the tissues inside of a box marked emergency moving supplies,” he said. “It also had a container of cookies, socks, a fork, a tampon, dog treats, my toothpaste, a twenty-dollar bill, a pack of gum, what I am ninety-percent sure is one of Connor’s travel mugs, and a package of underwear.”
“I mean…” Emery waved a hand as she laughed, touched and a bit teary all over again. “That covers a lot of emergencies.”
“Yes, it does,” Will said. “Bless her heart.” He gave Emery a squeeze before letting her go. “Come on, this place is starting to look pretty amazing. Let’s finish getting it in shape for you.”
They left the kitchen and came across Connor creeping in with a box that Emery knew she hadn’t packed up. It didn’t have Bex’s scrawling hand-writing on it anywhere either. She peered at him. “What did you buy?”
Connor’s eyes went wide as he tried to hide it behind himself and shuffle down the hallway. “Nothing,” he said. “Just a thing. It’s tiny, really—”
“Let me see.” Emery tried to get around him and he took off running. “Connor!” His cackles echoed down the hall as she chased after him.
***
Ed
Ed had been trying to find an opportunity to talk to Mouse and see how things were going with Bex, but the whole day had been too busy and full of people so far. They’d had passengers in the truck with them on the ride over and now at the house, every room and hallway had someone either carrying something or unloading it.
“Hey, guys!” Bex popped her head into the hallway where they were working on setting up the control panel. “I’m taking coffee orders. Want anything?”
“Just a regular would be great,” Ed said and Mouse nodded. “Thank you.”
“No, thank you,” she said, leaning against the wall. “What you’re doing here? I can’t thank you enough.”
“We’re happy to do it, Bex,” Mouse said quietly. The two of them shared a look and yeesh, Ed kind of felt like he was intruding a bit. Okay. He was definitely cornering this kid to get a progress report because that was not a ‘there’s been no progress’ kind of look.
But it also wasn’t a ‘we recently talked about your addictions and have a new understanding of each other’ kind of look.
Hmm.
He found his moment when they went out to the truck for some more tools. Mouse headed for the flatbed and Ed grabbed his arm, yanking him all the way around to the other side, away from the house.
“Ed, wha—”
“How’s it going with Bex?” They didn’t have time for small talk, not when they could get interrupted at any moment. “You talk to her yet?”
Mouse gave him a flat stare and then dragged a hand down his face. “No,” he groaned. “Okay? No, I have not talked to her yet. I’ve tried—I plan it all out and then, I just, I can’t do it.”
“You’re working yourself up again,” Ed said and Mouse gripped the side of the truck bed.
“It’s worth getting worked up about, don’t you think?” Mouse snapped at him. “Kind of a big deal. We’ve talked about it and you guys have all of these suggestions and whatever, but none of you actually know how she’s going to react. These last few weeks—” He cut himself off, jaw going tense.
Ed leaned up against the cab and waited until Mouse met his eyes. “What about ‘em? Tell me.”
“They’ve been—they’re making me greedy,” Mouse said, voice tight. “I want everything. With her. And yet I can’t stop thinking about what being with me will do to her.”
Two steps forward, three steps back. That was the constant dance with Mouse. No wait, that wasn’t fair. It was more three steps forward, two steps back. Kid had come a long way to even be trying for something with Bex. To be allowing himself a glimpse of happiness.
Now Ed had to figure out how to stop him from closing the door.
“What are you worried it’ll do to her?” Ed asked and Mouse just gave him a look. Right.
Everything they’d all been worried about with their own partners. Ed knew all that, he just wanted Mouse to say it so they could talk it out. Brainstorm and all that. But they both knew there was really only one person for him to talk it out with to truly set his fears to rest.
Ed clapped a hand on Mouse’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Communication,” he said. “It’s the only way through all of this.” He held Mouse in place before he could shake him off. “I’m serious. You go over all of the worse case scenarios with her and get it all out in the open. Make a plan if it makes you better. You know as well I as do that nothing’s a failsafe, but there’s some good options out there.”
Setting Bex up with a support group of her own would be a good start. He made a mental note to ask Chuck if he had any recommendations.
“Make a plan,” Mouse repeated softly.
“Talk it out, okay?” Ed patted him a few times before letting him go. “I think Bex might surprise you.” He’d been impressed with at the Grudge Match and honestly, combined with every thing else Ed knew about her…he had the feeling she could handle whatever Mouse threw at her. She had so far.  “You and her…you’ve got something good,” Ed said. “Something that could be great. Don’t let it slip away, Mouse.”
“I—yeah, I, uh, I know and I’m really trying not to,” Mouse said. He nodded and then turned to start grabbing what they needed out of the truck. “Thanks, Ed.”
“Anytime, bud.”
***
Mouse
That night, Mouse sat working on his latest needlepoint project, thinking about worst case scenarios and plans and options. Turning every painful edge over in his brain.
By the time the sun came up, his project was done and he had an idea.
He just had to convince Bex it was the right one.
***
Bex
Mouse was waiting when she and Kol got to the park on Sunday afternoon. They were back at their usual spot—she was kind of loving that they had a usual spot—and he was pacing a bit in front of the entrance.
His hair was a mess, like he’d been running his hands through it and he was playing with something in his hands, flipping it over and back again. Hunh. He definitely seemed a bit…frazzled.
Bex’s stomach did a little dip. Maybe today was the big talk day.
Okay.
That was okay.
They could get through it. They’d gotten through worse, hadn’t they? She honestly didn’t believe that Mouse could tell her anything about his past that would make her walk away from him.
From them.
So. Okay. She squared her shoulders and got out of the car. If today was the day, she was ready. Bex got Kol out from the back seat and headed over to Mouse. “Hey!”
He startled a bit, stopping in his tracks. “Hey, Bex, hi, welcome.” He winced and shook his head. “Um, this is for you,” Mouse said, thrusting his hand out.
She accepted the round object and realized it was a little needlepoint in a round frame with a hook on the top—oh, an ornament! He’d made her an ornament. Bex brought it closer for a better look. It had Mouse and her and Kol as little 8-bit characters howling, with a stylized ‘awooo!’ stretching toward the moon in the top right corner.
It was amazing.
“Mouse,” she said softly, meeting his eyes.
“I know how much you like Christmas,” he said, scratching at the back of his neck. “And I just, I thought, you know…it’s a good memory.”
“It is,” she agreed. “Thank you.” Bex gave him a hug before giving the ornament one last look and setting it carefully in her bag. She was about to ask him what had prompted that and when he’d had time to make it, but he was already turning toward the path, ready to go.
Maybe ready wasn’t exactly the right word.
Determined. Braced.
Not really the vibe of their previous walks, but again, the only way out was through. She followed him and they stepped onto the path. Kol trotted ahead, doing a great job of powering through the awkwardness. Mouse swayed a bit in her direction, his hand twitching like he wanted to grab hers, but he stopped himself. Bex closed the distance and took his hand instead.
There was the barest hitch in his breath.
Then he squeezed her hand once and kept a hold of it while they walked. He still didn’t start talking though until they’d been on the path for about five minutes and came across an empty bench in a shady area. He led her over to take a seat.
Bex sat down.
Mouse did not.
“So, I have to tell you some stuff,” he said, starting up his pacing again. “And I need you to just listen at first, okay?”
“Absolutely,” she agreed. “I’m here.”
“Okay.” He kneaded his fingers together for a bit, pacing some more before he came and sat beside her. Kol whined softly; resting his head on Mouse’s knee. Mouse huffed out a tiny laugh and scratched behind Kol’s ears. “Okay,” he whispered before finally looking up at Bex.
“You know I’m an addict,” he said, diving right straight into it apparently. Bex nodded and Mouse continued on. “It started when I was in high school,” he said. “Not so much alcohol as party drugs. Pretty much anything I could get my hands on and forget about my life for awhile.”
She remembered him touching on that part of his life briefly when he told her about his parents. Bex found her heart breaking all over again for a young and lonely Mouse.
“I kept telling myself I had it under control, you know.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair again. “I mean, I got into school and then I made it into the Rangers and had it together enough for that. Was totally sober the whole time I was enlisted. Made me think I could pick it up and put it down whenever I wanted to, but that—that wasn’t how it went.”
Mouse focused on petting Kol for a bit before he started up again. “When we got discharged, there had been so much shit over there…things we’d seen and done…it was like, as soon as I stopped moving for a second, it all hit me. And I was back to wanting to forget for awhile.” He shook his head. “But it took more and more to forget and I spiralled. Bad.”
He looked up suddenly, blue eyes piercing into her. “I was doing hard drugs. Anything I could swallow, snort, or shoot. And I was doing anything I could to get those drugs. I committed crimes,” he said. “I fucking stole money from Jay. More than once.” His lips twisted as he took in her face. “Never told you that, did he?”
“I think he considers this your story to tell,” Bex said carefully. Even when Jay was trying to warn her off, he never crossed any lines like that. This was for Mouse to share and Mouse alone.
“He still helped me,” Mouse said. “It cost him, but he did it. Brought me clean needles, checked up on me, brought me food. I’m insanely lucky that I came out of that time without any diseases, but Jay was also a big part of that. I—I probably would have died if he hadn’t been around.”
True or not, Bex could hardly stand to think about it. A world where she’d never had a chance to know Mouse? A world where Jay lost his best friend? She couldn’t stop the soft noise that came out at those thoughts.
Mouse scanned her face, every line of his own pulled down with unbearable sadness. “It cost him and it hurt him,” he said. “And I never forget that. I hurt a lot of people. People I don’t even know and who I’ll never be able to make it up to. That’s something I’ve got to live with.” Mouse sighed. “You know I work on it, with my group and I’m trying to let some things go.”
Bex nodded encouragingly. God, she was so proud of him for that. For sticking with it and trying and finding such an amazing group of people and letting them in. It was such a huge thing. Sometimes she thought he didn’t even realize how huge it was.
“I need you to know all of this because my past is part of the whole package here,” Mouse said. “There’s always a risk that my past could become my present again.”
She knew that. It wasn’t like Bex was walking into this completely unprepared. She’d been doing research and educating herself. She wasn’t sure if she was still in the just listening part of this conversation though and she’d promised. She reached out to take Mouse’s hand instead.
He turned her hand over, holding it in both of his. “I’ve been thinking about all of this stuff a lot,” he said. “And about us.” Mouse sighed, bringing her hand up to give it quick kiss and touching their joined hands to his forehead before setting hers back in her lap. “I want this to work, Bex. I want us to work,” he said. “Everyone keeps telling me that it’ll be okay and to go for it, but all I’ve been able to see are the worst-case scenarios.”
That sounded…not like a direction she was hoping for. “What are you saying, Mouse? Do you—do you want to stop? Or—”
“No,” he said immediately. Firmly. “That’s the last thing I want, but at the same time, how—how can I build a life with you knowing there’s every possibility it’ll be destroyed?”
Okay, that was—Bex couldn’t just let that sit. “Mouse—” She took a breath and slowed down so she didn’t jump all over that. “You relapsing is one single possibility that could affect our relationship. One of us could get sick. One of us could get in a car accident or be shot or have an aneurysm. Do we not go forward because we don’t know what the future holds?”
“No,” Mouse said. “But we can make a plan. People have medical instructions in place and I think we should have a plan in case I relapse.”
That made a sort of sense. “What are you suggesting?” Bex asked, thinking maybe it was something involving his group, like people she could contact who could offer support or—
Mouse took a deep breath. “If I relapse,” he said. “I want you to walk away.”
Bex shook her head, sure she hadn’t heard that right. “You want me to what?”
“Walk away,” he repeated, like he wasn’t asking the most impossible thing of all.
***
Mouse
It was the only thing that made sense. The only way he could be sure that she’d be safe and not dragged down into whatever mess he might get himself into. She had to see that—
“What the hell, Mouse?” Bex shot to her feet, fury and betrayal flying through every syllable. “Walk away? Like none of this—like you mean nothing to me? I can’t do that.”
“I’m not saying it would be easy, but for the best.” The fact that it would destroy Mouse couldn’t be part of the equation.
“The best for whom?” Bex cried, throwing her hands out. “For you? I don’t think so. And I don’t know how you could think it would be the best for me—how I could even do that?”
Mouse tried to explain, but she sliced a finger through the air at him. “My turn,” she said. “Think about what you’re saying, Mouse. If you got cancer or some kind of permanent injury at work, would you expect me to walk away from you then?” She took one look at his face and scowled. “Oh, jesus christ, don’t even fucking answer that,” she said. “Okay, turn it around. What if something happened to me? What if I got sick or hurt or developed an addiction? You gonna take your own advice and walk away?”
He couldn’t meet her eyes, couldn’t say it—they both knew the answer.
“What makes it different?” Bex sat down beside him again and grabbed his hand, making him look at her. “Why should I deserve care and compassion and you don’t? God, forget about the romantic side of things for a minute—you’re my friend, Mouse. First and foremost. Even if we weren’t…us, I would do everything I could to help you.”
“That’s the problem,” Mouse blurted out, desperately wanting her to see the core of it. “I feel like there’s a part of you that thinks that if you lo—if you care about me enough, that’ll see us through anything.”
“It’s gotten us this far, hasn’t it?” Bex gave him a hopeful little shrug.
“When I’m in the middle of it all, I’m like a black hole,” Mouse said, pulling his hand back, trying to keep a bit of distance so he could think—so he could say it right. “You’d be pouring yourself out until there’s nothing left.”
“That would be my choice,” she said. “You can’t make it for me.”
“I have to!” He scrubbed a hand over his face, willing her to understand. “Because it’s for me too, Bex,” he said. “If I spiral and somehow manage to make it through to the other side again, I’m not going to be able to live with myself knowing you had a front row seat. Knowing I hurt you.”
“You think I couldn’t hurt for you at a distance?” Bex whispered. “That it wouldn’t be worse not knowing what was happening?” She swiped angrily at her eyes. “And why—why are you talking about this like it’s inevitable? It might not ever happen!”
“But it could,” he said softly. “It could and we shouldn’t pretend otherwise.”
“You let Jay help you last time,” Bex sniffed as she shot that back, grasping at things. “How would this be different?”
“Jay—he would never follow me down to the very bottom,” Mouse said. “That’s what they teach you with all that first responder stuff, you know. Can’t save anybody if you’re gone too.” He sat back and stared out at the trees. “There’s not going to be a magical combination here of things that can be present in our relationship to make sure I don’t relapse—”
“I know that, Mouse,” she snapped, twisting in her seat to face him. “I’m not—I’m not completely naïve here, okay? But I am having trouble processing you making decisions for me, again, and asking me to do something that I find abjectly horrible. How could we go forward like that? How could we build anything with that ‘plan’ hanging over us?”
“I don’t know, Bex.” He stood up, dragging a hand through his hair as he turned to face her. “Maybe—maybe this has been fucked from the start and I really, truly have no business being with anyone.”
“Stop,” Bex demanded. “That’s—you know that’s not true. You deserve everything.”
“Well,” Mouse shrugged, hopelessly lost as to where to go next. “That’s what I was trying to do here and I can’t think of any other way to do it.”
“I can’t walk from you. I won’t,” Bex said. He closed his eyes against the despair in hers. “There’s got to be another way.”
“Let me know when you think of it,” Mouse said.
Then he did what she wouldn’t and left.
***
Bex
She slid off the bench and sat on the ground beside Kol, burying her face in his fur.
“What the hell just happened?”
Click here to read Chapter Thirteen. Click here to read Chapter Fourteen. Click here to read Chapter Fifteen. Click here to read Chapter Sixteen.
[Author's note: LISTEN! I KNOW! I KNOW, OKAY?? BUT PLEASE TRUST ME. I SWEAR ON ALL THINGS HERRMANN THAT THIS STORY HAS THE HAPPIEST OF ENDINGS WITH ALL THE RESOLUTION, OKAY? I'M SO SERIOUS.]
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thatseventiesbitch · 7 months
Note
Idk if you're taking fic requests but could you make Dad Eric comforting Leia after something like a broken heart or an argument 😭i love dad eric!!
Thank you for the request! I too love Dad!Eric. For the record, I am still working on fic requests and accepting them, but at a slower pace because I am focusing on more long-term projects. But if you have a request, you can submit it here!
Eric knocked gently on Leia's bedroom door. He was carefully balancing a full dinner plate in the crook of his arm, and he knocked again when there was no response.
"Leia? I'm coming in," he said through the door. "I brought up your dinner."
Leia's room was dimly lit, and she was curled up in bed clutching her favorite stuffed bunny. Some music was playing softly from the boombox on her bedside table. A pile of used tissues was next to her on the bed.
Eric's heart sunk at the sight.
Leia had been depressed and withdrawn for days now, ever since she got back from Wisconsin. She'd visited for spring break, and Jay had broken up with her. It had apparently shattered her heart.
He walked into the room further and set down the dinner plate on her desk, pulled up her desk chair next to her bed gingerly.
"How're you doin', kiddo?" he asked quietly.
Seeing her this way hurt Eric to his core. She was clearly in emotional pain, and Eric remembered what that was like. When he was a teenager, after his break-up with Donna, the promise ring... he'd stayed in bed for days. His head had been a mess for months. And his heart was a mess until Donna was back in his arms on that beach in California, almost a year later.
He knew what heartbreak felt like. He knew what it looked like. And Leia was clearly going through it.
It made him want to absolutely murder the Kelso kid.
Leia didn't answer him, she merely sniffled and reached for another tissue. Her sweet little cheeks were stained with tears and her nose was red and blotchy from hours of crying.
"I brought your dinner up. It's chicken. Some mashed potatoes."
"I'm not hungry," Leia mumbled, morose.
"You should eat something, Leia - "
"Dad. I said I'm not hungry - "
"Okay, okay okay," Eric put up his hands, backing off. "I'll put it in the fridge. You can have it later if you want it."
"Okay," she said dully. "Thanks." Her face barely peeked between her pillow and her covers, but her eyes finally darted to his. "Is that all?"
"No, I - " Eric trailed off as he realized he didn't know what to say. How to say it. Only that he wanted to say something.
He thought back to his and Donna's promise ring break-up again, to the surprisingly kind way Red had responded to his own teenage heartbreak.
"I know what it's like to have your heart broken," he found himself saying. "It's, ah, it's one of the worst feelings in the entire world."
Leia glanced at him quickly, and then looked away again.
He cleared his throat. "So it's gonna take you some time to heal, and to feel like yourself again. If laying low, and staying in your room helps you with that, then I'm happy to keep bringing you your meals and stuff okay?"
Leia squeaked a small noise of affirmation from under her covers.
"Take care of yourself," Eric continued, gently. "But that means you need to eat," his voice had turned more stern, fatherly. "You need to hydrate. You need to take a shower." He cleared his throat. "Don't forget to do those simple things, kiddo. They're gonna make you feel better. I promise."
Leia nodded at the dinner plate he held again.
"You can leave the chicken," she said, grudgingly.
Eric smiled, and handed her the plate first, and then the napkin and silverware set he'd brought.
"Dad?"
"Yeah, Princess?"
"Thank you."
Eric kissed her on the forehead wordlessly.
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januaryfirstreads · 7 months
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a holiday party scene
Harry spluttered. “So you’re just hosting these lavish parties so you can - what, have company?”
“It’s very Jay Gatsby of me, don’t you think?” 
Harry didn’t know how to respond to this, so he settled for scrubbing a hand through his hair. The snowfall was leaving a dusting of powder over the rooftops, turning London into a story book scene. Malfoy seemed caught up in the view too, because there was something wistful in his gaze. “It’s a little sad, if I’m honest.” Harry said finally. He realized too late it sounded a bit mean.
Malfoy heaved a sigh. “Yes, well. I never did care much for spending time alone.” He turned his head slightly to Harry, offering a sardonic smile.  “I can be a bit morose, you see. A bit of a flair for melancholy.”
“I didn’t know that,” Harry said, nonsensically, because there's no reason that he should have known anything about Malfoy.
“If you had ever cared to ask, I would have told you,” Malfoy replied drily. His eyes flicked up to the heavens, as if asking for the patience to get through this conversation with Harry. Harry immediately colored. 
“It’s not as though you know anything about me, Malfoy,” he said hotly. 
“I rather think that there’s lots we don’t know about each other,” Malfoy replied, and there was something about the way he spoke, soft and somehow open, that killed any retort Harry had been about to offer.
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finniestoncrane · 1 year
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i dunno if this has already been requested or not but im on my hands and knees for No.10: The Staunton Lick with btaa!scarecrow 🙏 (love your work btw finnie you’re so talented!!)
🎀 No.10: The Staunton Lick 🎀
give me a character and i'll make a mini playlist for them a/n: oh good LORD i had the most fun with this so thank you so much for that and for the sweet compliment ;-; 💚💚💚 1k milestone info! 🔞minors dni🔞 • kofi • tag: finnie1k
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i think jonathan's music choice would be accompanied with a brief lecture on how important it is in relation to how much fear and horror it can provide. for a song to be on his "enjoy" list, it has to either be jaunty enough that he can imagine it playing as he goes about his business or just magically creepy enough to evoke a sense of absolute terror when he hums it quietly 💚
perfect day - lou reed
there's so much melancholy in this, but it's also so beautiful, so it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth that's kind of enjoyable. also, reaping what you sow, it's a good message
eagle rock - daddy cool
used perfectly in the soundtrack to wolf creek, it's an absolute joy when a song so filled with joy can become so synonymous with the dreadful feeling as we fear what's to come after it's finished playing
wonderful, wonderful - johnny mathis
used perfectly to denote the arrival of fear in a particular episode of the x-files (season 4, episode 2, "home") the smooth romance lends itself nicely to that creepy feeling that comes along with nostalgia
main titles (beetlejuice soundtrack) - danny elfman
this is the perfect "driving to work/crimes/drug deals" music. it just gives any journey an added bounce! and isn't that michael keaton just super hot when he's betelgeuse? far more than he is in any... other... roles
twilight time - the platters
there's nothing more romantic than the dark of night, the shadows, the cool air, the all-consuming black, or calming purples and morose blues? this is the kind of thing he would dance to at a wedding
in dreams - roy orbison
if you can get past the imagery of the clown at the beginning, this song is actually far more terrifying than first glance might suggest. the loneliness, the desperation, losing someone and only having them in your imagination? absolutely deranged and unhinged romance
music box (the candyman soundtrack) - philip glass
if he were ever cursed to be responsible for a child, somehow, god forbid, this would 100% be the lullaby that played for the little cretin. it would set them off right in life
just - radiohead
is this really just wishful thinking? maybe jon isn't as much of a jigsaw-esque villain as he'd like to think. sure, people choose to take drugs, and sure they choose to sell them, but is it really a choice if the alternative is dying, starving, desolate and threatened?
i put a spell on you - screamin' jay hawkins
this is the kind of song he would listen to if he was really feeling it, like this is in his house on a saturday morning, eating pastries in his pants kind of music. absolute joy with a hint of wild attitude and the threat of control. very much jonathan crane
we've only just begun - the carpenters
i think jonathan is a sucker for nostalgia, for soft, romantic songs that can be manipulated and distorted and changed to make them send chills down your spine, which is what happens with this in the movie 1408
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fang-revives · 10 months
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Sunday Six
Bit I am working on for the Finjay fic! Tagging @nagdabbit @perchtdont @elphantasmo @shinakkyo @jaimehwatson if you feel like sharing some stuff!
Finlay leans against the wall, his sometimes tag partner Kushida cocking his head inquisitively behind him.  “Your friend?” Kushida says in accented English. “Yeah.” Finlay replies. Just that. Not his girlfriend, like Jay likes to joke, not even his tag partner except for a few staggered trios, these days.  Finlay swallows the morose bitterness that wells up in his throat. Tagging with Kushida is good for him, probably. Even though it makes him feel young, clumsy on the syllables of Japanese he tries to meet Kushida in the middle with. He is young as a tag wrestler, and he shouldn’t forget it.  Young as a singles wrestler too, even though his record for that isn’t much.  The bell rings, and with it come cheers of Jay’s name, shaking Finlay out of his reverie. A smile finds Finlay’s face in spite of himself, seeing how quick and serious Jay is going for the lockup.  Omega brays, "I thought you were good, Jay!" Raggety and obnoxious as he slaps, and something stirs in Finlay’s chest. Jay is fucking good. Omega better know it.  Jay gets a slap on him, and Finlay laughs. That’s right. That’s fucking right. Worth the obnoxious spit Omega does in his face. 
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ransomnote · 4 months
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sometimes i go back to sleep in between my morning ramblings and today i did. i had a nightmare about my stats and methods professor (who i adore) dropping a ream of paper each in front of us with "EXAM" printed cartoonishly on the front and he went up to the front of the classroom with the most morose look on his face and just said "if you haven't studied for this exam, why? i implore you, why?" and it shook me so bad i had to check the class schedule and then also shoot him an email like "jay..... jay i know it's six in the morning....... but we just have lab today right" and he responded within 10 minutes with "yes!" and a picture of his dog scarfing down a bowl of what looked like red beans and rice
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BLUE BEETLE (2023)
Starring Xolo Maridueña, Bruna Marquezine, Adriana Barraza, Damián Alcázar, Raoul Max Trujillo, Susan Sarandon, George Lopez, Elpidia Carrillo, Belissa Escobedo, Harvey Guillén, Jorge Jimenez, Eyra Aguero Joubert, Gabriella Ortiz, Vicente Ydrach, Modesto Lacen, Oshún Ramirez, Brianna Lewis, Tahj Vaughans, Dante Gonzalez-Abreu and the voice of Becky G.
Screenplay by Gareth Dunnet-Alcocer.
Directed by Ángel Manuel Soto.
Distributed by Warner Bros. Pictures. 127 minutes. Rated PG-13.
I’m not going to lie. I’ve never heard of the character of Blue Beetle before this film. When I first heard of the title, I thought it may be a movie about a Volkswagen. I asked my nephew, who is more up to date on comic book characters, what I should know about Blue Beetle, and he explained that the version of the character in the film (who is apparently the second Blue Beetle in the comic saga) is “just your normal teenage ‘relatable’ superhero.”
And yes, this Blue Beetle is sort of like a DC version of Spider-Man with a different insect and more alien tech. Beyond the Spider-Man connection, Blue Beetle also has certain connections to Iron Man (the high-tech armor suit) and Venom (symbiotic connection to the alien).
Still, I’ve got to admit, while there was nothing all that unique about the overall story of Blue Beetle – other than the fact that it is strongly grounded in Hispanic culture – the movie was a whole lot of fun. In fact, it was probably the most purely enjoyable DC film since the similarly low-key Shazam! (The first Shazam! movie that is, the second one kind of stunk.)
After the recent calamitous popular and critical crash and burn of the much higher profile The Flash (which I have to admit, I mostly liked),the new DC needed a low-key charmer like this to get back on track.
And speaking of low-key charmers, the film certainly scored one in casting Xolo Maridueña – previously best known as one of the lead characters in the series Cobra Kai – as the hero. Maridueña has the type of every-kid sense of wonder which is necessary for a character like this to work. As his uncle says, “He’s like Superman of Metropolis or the Flash of Central City — but not as good.”
He is also surrounded with an interesting and varied family unit, particularly Adriana Barraza as a surprisingly able Nana and George Lopez adding comic relief as the conspiracy theory spouting uncle.
In lots of ways, Blue Beetle is typical superhero fare – the alien trinket with unimaginable power, the evil corporation headed by a megalomaniac tycoon (Susan Sarandon) desperately trying to get her hands on the item, no matter who it hurts. (She often says the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, even though she is personally never one of the few making these sacrifices.)
However, it is not the story that makes Blue Beetle so good. It’s just so upbeat and good humored that it’s hard not to embrace, with enough off-the-beaten-path quirks to capture even someone who is getting a bit of superhero fatigue – which can be said about a lot of us at this point.
Blue Beetle is a fine reminder of why the word “comic” is part of the term “comic book.” After way too much of the DC movie universe has been dark, moody and morose – we’re looking at you Zack Snyder – it’s nice for some of these stories to just be good old-fashioned fun.
Jay S. Jacobs
Copyright ©2023 PopEntertainment.com. All rights reserved. Posted: August 18, 2023.
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