Time for my kinlist omg it's so cliché but it's healthy for me, to help understand myself better after my coming out-
So, I think I can classify my current kins in two categories : the dragon side of me, the man side of me and the woman side of me (ah yes, the three genders)
PART 1 : The dragons
Zhongli (Genshin Impact) : Because contracts, skilled in economy, tea, good teacher...etc...
Dan Heng / Imbibitor Lunae (Star Rail) : He REALLY looks like the kind of dragon I see myself. Yes, on that point, I don't see myself low- /s
PART 2 : The men (You'll see a pattern among the non-dragon kins)
Momose Sunohara (Idolish7) : Still the top, my #1 role model, idol, gay, extrovert...etc...
Hajime Hinata (Danganronpa 2) : A remnant of my previous character, I still love him, because I love my Nagito kinnie <3
Haruhi Fujioka (Ouran High School) : Yes, I put HIM on this list because trans and because it's MY post so I do whatever the fuck I want. He helped me understand my gender
K1-B0 (Danganronpa V3) : Same as Hinata, but for my Kokichi kinnie <3
Basil (OMORI) : Anxiety, anxiety, photos, flowers, gay, flowers, nature, anxiety. Yes I had interests for photos and flowers when I was a child, and I want them to come back because I know that now, in 2023, I won't be laughed at anymore
Lyney (Genshin Impact) : We have the same "kind" of clothes (partially), we do magic (I don't remember many but I will !), and the mischevious side <3
Nazuna Nito (Ensemble Stars) : Cute and angwy, I like being cute and angwy even if I try not to be angwy)
Niki Shiina (Ensemble Stars) : Food, hungry, vore, food, cooking for everyone
Leo Tsukinaga (Ensemble Stars) : Literally my current biggest, zoomies, random, clingy. That's me.
Chiaki Morisawa (Ensemble Stars) : Same as Leo, but more opened to others, motivating...etc...
Sora Harukawa (Ensemble Stars) : Clingy, video games, feet, and we have some similar autistic traits (although I'm not autistic, just anxious)
Reki Kyan (Sk8) : Gay, energetic and colored (although I'm a "tired e-girl" since the beginning of 2023)
Hanako-kun / Amane Yugi (Toilet-bound Hanako-kun) : Mischevious ghost, clingy, pranky, that's me.
Maou Sadao (Hataraku Maou-sama) : Demon King, I love them, they are hot, so I kin them to keep them to myself.
Bachira Meguru (Blue Lock) : He's weird, cute, clingy and has ABANDONMENT ISSUES LMAO
Many men in Horimiya because they are so perfect and complementary.
PART 3 : The girls (You were waiting for it, I'm sure of it-)
Ruby Hoshino (Oshi no Ko) : Determined, magnetic, like her mother but I can't really kin Ai because she doesn't have enough development-
Akane Kurokawa (Oshi no Ko) : Anxious actress, someone absolutely perfect to look up to.
Mem-Cho (Oshi no Ko, yeah again, but this anime initiated the changes) : Older but as energetic and magnetic as the others
March 7th (Star Rail) : I love her, I love her colours, her mood, she's so great and energetic, I want to be as cute as her!
Kyōko Hori (Horimiya) : Okay she's giga biphobic but my Hori isn't, the me-Hori isn't! But she has social issues, she's strong, I want to be like her, and she has a kink about hot men being rough with her ////
Princess Syalis (Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle) : She sleeps. And her love interest is, to me, the Demon King
Chiho Sasaki (Hataraku Maou-sama) : Okay not really a kin but Maou's love interest, so I'm in.
Honestly, I found them but I forgot some-
Seriously, don't mind me, I try to embrace the cringe but it's hard ;_;
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WTF 2024 ???
Okay so.
In September, I did a post with my kinlist (that got 25 notes, that's insane omg), and I was happy to show my feminine character kins: I wasn't that into my gender questionning...but now...
Listen (no, read), I really started to admit that I may be kind of transfem at the end of 2023 (the last two weeks): I had a big breakdown during the last work week, and I felt that it was...very open. Like, I was really able to tell how I felt. Even if it was a breakdown, so something bad, I felt very understood by my partner and their boyfriend (yes, poly couple) and I started getting transfem / femboys videos on TikTok some days later. The holidays were great and I felt better and better about my gender, even if it's still in questionning, I feel more at peace and ease.
The last argument came on the 29th because I told how I felt about my partner's relationship, that I felt left behind. It brought a crisis, but still...I'm extremely relieved that it was not exactly jealousy I was experiencing: a kind of jealousy but not the one I thought it was. I'm extremely happy to still have my partner, even I know I'm also happy to have their boyfriend by my side. He's not MY boyfriend because we don't match enough, but he's still important to me.
Didn't feel down since then (okay, school has not beaten me up yet, let's wait for it-), didn't take any medication since my big breakdown. I know things are going to change, and I will feel down again sooner or later, because of my work, my exhaustion... But I know it won't last, and I will always have people beside me.
BUT SINCE THE BEGINNING, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT WHAT I WANTED TO.
MY KINLIST.
January means new season for anime. And this season, I watch 4-5 shows (unlike these 10 lasts seasons when I watched 2 shows maximum-).
...And I'm getting attacked. I often get kins. I use them to understand me better and to have role model, to tell to myself "this character acts like this, it could fits you well, you should try". yeah, neurospicy things, thanks anxiety.
Look, NO READ, before, I kinned nearly only male characters. Sometimes, the simp and the kin mixed together but welp, it is what it is. Now...There's Ruby Hoshino, Kyoko Hori, March 7th, Princess Syalis... AND YOU NEED TO ADD THESE ONES BECAUSE WHY ART THOU ATTACKING ME LIKE THIS????
SHE COULD SELL HER SOUL FOR FOOD. SHE CAN BE BOUGHT BY GOOD FOOD. OF COURSE I'D LOVE HER
Okay, you'd say "basic", but yeah, it is. But I love her. It's not reaaaally a kin, it's just some relatable things that sooth me, and she has ikemen around her (especially Ise)
Okay, not a kin at all. I'm just simping a lot on his demon form. As a "cute demon queen", I need demon kings for me. I'm still waiting to see more of Maou-sama and I want to see Beelzebub from "I'm the villainess so I'm taming the final boss" again. In fact, give me hot demon kings.
2024 really started greatly. Maybe because I feel like I'm starting over something, on good basis. I really hope it will last, because I love feeling like this. I never was a sad person, I'm rather a tired person, but my tireness can give me big down because my brain cannot follow everything when its tired or hungry.
I'm really meaning it. @kittyfeli and @problemskinnie , thank you so much for being here for me. You don't know how much you helped me, especially these last weeks. Everyone else too, but you two really are special. <3 <3 <3 <3
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