#like is it not infinitely more fun to be able to put in wild guesses. is it not wildly more fun for me to be able to go

[sleepy-stitches]

the everlasting desire to create a gauntlet of a quiz about my interests and then sit my friends down to take it vs the fact i know they would all hate that

#i just think it would be funny. google form with ten different sections of questions #i dont think i would even want it to be multiple choice either. maybe some of them. but i think multiple choice cuts out so much nuance #like is it not infinitely more fun to be able to put in wild guesses. is it not wildly more fun for me to be able to go #ehhhhh close enough ill give you that. sure #the answer is fun for me but i think everyone would hate it #alas #original post placeholder tag

[robininthelabyrinth]

Good Help - chapter 2 - ao3 link

-

Despite the circumstances of their first meeting, Meng Yao mostly appreciated A-Jue for his quick mind and fearlessness – and, yes, occasionally for his towering height that made grabbing books from high places infinitely easier – rather than his muscles, however impressive they were. In fact, after the first few weeks, he had very nearly forgotten that A-Jue was a guard of the inner hall.

The assassination attempt put an end to that oversight.

It wasn’t that Meng Yao hadn’t anticipated such an attempt, nor that he hadn’t taken precautions. He was careful to take his meals in the communal kitchen at unexpected hours and tested even the snacks he kept with him before consuming them, and naturally avoided any unsupervised hallways or attempts to lure him outside, but he had underestimated the enmity that greeted his appointment: he had not thought that they would launch a direct attack.

The perpetrators entered his office as petitioners, posing as clerks for an influential merchant, and launched the attack just as they were settling into the rhythm of negotiations. They were hoping to catch him distracted, which they did, but Meng Yao had always had good instincts; he realized what was happening the first moment they moved. He was out of his chair and reaching for the flexible sword he stored around his waist almost at once, already calculating how many injuries he could incur and still be able to fight back enough to preserve his life – he just needed to survive until the guards came in, unless they’d somehow gotten rid of those, in which case he needed to run –

The calculations proved unnecessary.

By the time Meng Yao’s hand reached the hilt of his blade, A-Jue was already in front of him, catching one assassin the chest with a vicious palm strike and knocking him into the path of another, turning fluidly to slam an elbow into a third.

He didn’t even draw the saber that hung low at his waist, just knocked aside the assassin’s swords and daggers with his bare hands and then beating them with his fists and feet.

Meng Yao stood there for a moment, blinking, and by the time even his quick-moving mind caught up with everything the assassins all were unconscious or paralyzed, the merchant was on his knees begging for mercy and swearing to his ignorance, and A-Jue was standing there, frowning slightly at one of the still-twitching assassins like he was considering going in for more.

“Why didn’t you draw your saber?” Meng Yao asked, both because he was curious and because it was a better reaction than saying I forgot you could do that or I thought I’d be facing them all on my own again, or, even worse, thanks.

“I thought you’d want them alive to question them,” A-Jue said, blinking at him – he had the same expression of good-natured puzzlement as he did any time Meng Yao corrected him, whether as to his calculation of accounting errors or underestimating the malice inherent in mankind, which remained a subject of recurrent disagreement. “Was I wrong?”

“Not at all,” Meng Yao said, and felt once again the thrill of power when A-Jue nodded and called for other guards to enter and remove the bodies, although he crouched by each one first to check them over for any suicide pills or arrays that might interfere with an interrogation. His professional detachment and efficient resolution of events was truly suitable for a guard of the inner hall, the finest of Wen Ruohan’s soldiers; there could be no complaints.

There was something truly delightful about having a powerful man at your beck and call, Meng Yao reflected, and wondered briefly if A-Jue had been sent his way deliberately as a plant to infiltrate his confidence. It seemed unlikely, given the random nature of their meeting, and certainly A-Jue didn’t fit any of Meng Yao’s known pre-existing preferences, other than in terms of bedpartners. And yet he grew suspicious, if only because A-Jue suited him so very well, just right in every way…

Meng Yao spent the next three days conducting a series of covert tests to see if any information was being leaked from his office through A-Jue, but there was nothing. Ultimately, he was forced to conclude that A-Jue might actually just be – like that.

Straightforward and blunt, fearless in both speech and action, decisive and capable and yet willing to take orders from Meng Yao, never judging him for his birth but respecting him for his abilities…

Good help, he reminded his suddenly over-active libido. Hard to find. Don’t ruin a good thing.

It was hard to remember, though. A-Jue was just the sort of man Meng Yao liked when he went for men: handsome and powerfully built, well-born or rich or both, stern and unyielding in demeanor, the sort of man for whom life generally went the way they wanted. The sort could easily get a girl, even one of good breeding and appropriate lineage, merely by snapping his fingers. The type of man that might tempt even a practiced whore.

Meng Yao liked to break those types of men.

It was a trait he shared with Wen Ruohan, and one of the ways he had managed to get the Emperor’s attention – that first job he had taken had been in the Fire Palace, the Emperor’s torture chambers, and he had worked out a considerable portion of his anger and anxiety through the torment of his enemies, defined liberally as anyone who insulted his mother. He’d matured since then, growing calmer, but he still liked to put proud men on their knees and make them service him, to rub their faces in the fact that he was the one with the power, to make them crawl and plead and cry for him. Though he supposed for someone like A-Jue – he wouldn’t need to break him, really.

It’d be enough to see him bend. Willingly, for him.

And yet, if Meng Yao did that, wouldn’t A-Jue start to flinch from him and turn away from him – seek to preserve his injured pride by fleeing Meng Yao’s presence, the way so many others before him had? It would make working together much more annoying, and A-Jue was perfect the way he was.

Almost irritatingly so. If only A-Jue were more inclined to make errors, Meng Yao would feel freer to take advantage of him.

“Have you ever thought less of me because of my parentage?” Meng Yao asked one evening, apropos of nothing, when A-Jue was already exhausted and more than a little wild-eyed from having to review every single one of the reports on wheat yields in their northern provinces as part of Meng Yao’s random audit of the files.

“I mean, Jin Guangshan’s a waste of space, but you’re nothing like him, so not after the beginning,” A-Jue said automatically, then scowled at Meng Yao when he started laughing. “What? Give me a break, I didn’t know you then! How was I to guess that you’d actually be competent? Or – not awful?”

“I was,” Meng Yao said with dignity, even if his lips insisted on twitching, “referring to my mother.”

“But you hate it when people talk about your mother,” A-Jue said blankly, then shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry, is this some sort of mind game? If so, can it wait until tomorrow? I’m going to dream in wheat prices.”

“It can wait until tomorrow,” Meng Yao agreed, pretending to be solemn. He wasn’t sure if he was more amused at A-Jue’s ridiculous perspective on things or the fact that he seemed to think Meng Yao was not awful simply because he’d indulged him a few times when he was being especially insistent on doing things the soft-hearted way.

“You’re making fun of me again,” A-Jue grumbled. “I don’t know why, but you are. Fuck you.”

The next day, Meng Yao asked A-Jue if he’d ever been to a whorehouse.

“Yes, while on campaign,” A-Jue said, blinking rapidly as if he were trying to hide something, or more likely not think of something. Either he’d had a bad experience or he thought Meng Yao was going to cut off his balls for admitting it.

Which he wouldn’t, of course. There was nothing wrong with the better sort of customer, and Meng Yao felt certain that A-Jue would have been that sort, could imagine him sitting in the corner with a jar of wine and a blush until he was coaxed upstairs and then paying too much for the privilege, after...but it was cute that A-Jue worried about such things.  

Meng Yao put a friendly hand on A-Jue’s shoulder – the man flinched, briefly, but quickly mastered himself, just as he did any time anyone touched him – and said in his best sugar-sweet sympathetic tone that he hadn’t had to use on anyone in ages, “Did she touch you in a bad place?”

“The honored viceroy can go fuck himself any time he damn well pleases,” A-Jue said, and he had no idea how much Meng Yao would like to ask him if he’d prefer to do the honors himself.

“Do you know any other curses, or is it just variations on the term ‘fuck’?” he asked instead, thinking good help, good help, good help. “I know at least three dozen involving farmyard animals, if you’d like to learn.”

A-Jue’s laugh was in no way like a braying donkey, no matter what Meng Yao pretended to insist.

-

“Have you considered the benefits of a regular routine of physical exercise?” A-Jue asked.

Meng Yao glared at him.

“I’m just saying,” A-Jue said. “It would make your life easier.”

“Shut up and help me get down from up here,” Meng Yao hissed – A-Jue had taken care of the vicious snarling creatures that had somehow gotten loose, an obvious follow-up assassination attempt now that the poisoning he thought he’d identified in a late-night dessert had been demonstrably unsuccessful, even if A-Jue had insisted that they were just “sweet little puppies” and Meng Yao was “overreacting”.

“I’d be happy to help train you, if you’d like.”

“I’m far too busy,” Meng Yao said with what little shreds of dignity he still possessed. “I do three times as much work as you do, I don’t have capacity to running off to go wave a stick in the air multiple times a day like some people.”

A-Jue grinned at him, utterly unmoved, and Meng Yao huffed, rolling his eyes at him.

“If I agree,” he said, with no intention whatsoever of agreeing, “will you finally show me your saber?”

If there was innuendo in there – well. He was only a man, after all.

“Perhaps one day,” A-Jue said. “It’s not a privileged I give to everyone.”

Meng Yao tried to parse whether that was flirting. He couldn’t quite tell.

“Well, your saber is very large,” he said, probing. “Maybe you should take it out more often.”

“When I take out my saber, someone dies,” A-Jue said, and – probably not flirting, then. “I wouldn’t want to accidentally skewer you.”

Possibly very strange flirting? Meng Yao wouldn’t put it past A-Jue.

“Yes, well,” he said, straightening his robes and settling back into professional mode. “You have fun with your exercise, but leave me out of it.”

A-Jue escorted him back to his office first, conscientious as always.

Once he was gone, Meng Yao rang a certain bell and summoned Sisi, whose freedom was probably the best investment he’d ever made – she’d merged into the palace staff without leaving so much as a trace behind, acting as though the other girls were her sisters and she’d been there forever, and she was more than willing to report on everything she learned.

Also, she’d retained enough of her looks that everyone thought that Meng Yao only summoned her for sex, making A-Jue’s occasional disappearances for training purposes the perfect time for Meng Yao to meet with her without suspicion – he’d given up most of his paranoia surrounding A-Jue, but that was no reason to share all of his tricks.

Besides, he wasn’t sure he actually wanted A-Jue and Sisi to meet.

“When you’re done fucking him, can you share?” Sisi asked after she put down the tray of snacks – buns and a pot of tea, all of which she sampled before his eyes in the name of sharing food. “Man like that deserves to be common property.”

“I’m not whoring him out,” Meng Yao said, a warning in his tone, and Sisi sighed dramatically.

“Tell me you’re at least having a good time with all those muscles,” she said. “Someone ought to be.”

Meng Yao rolled his eyes.

“Where’s the trouble coming from this time?” he asked, deciding to elide the issue entirely. “I keep hearing whispers and people look nervous, the way they do before some sort of trouble, but neither gentry nor merchant class seem to have produced anything out of the ordinary, and I can’t imagine it’s the farmers again after last time.”

“You’re looking out, you should be looking in,” she said.

“The Emperor’s court?”

That could be a serious problem. Any political turmoil that happened within the Nightless City would have ramifications well beyond it.

“His harem,” Sisi said, her face alight with the pleasure of gossip. “Word’s come back from the south – turns out that the Emperor took one of the Imperial Consorts with him for his trip.”

Even Meng Yao’s eyebrows raised.

“And with the Empress in seclusion, well…”

It wasn’t as though the Empress had a strong maternal family as a backing – no one even knew what her surname was – but she’d been there for years and years, practically part of the décor. Replacing her with one of the Consorts would be…a change.

The Nightless City hated change.

“Could you ask to see her?” Sisi asked. “Just as proof of life…”

“I could,” Meng Yao said, because technically he had authority over everyone, “but I won’t. Why would I invite trouble for myself? I’d have to explain to the Emperor why I interfered with his harem.”

“Good point,” Sisi said, although she looked disappointed.

“Which Consort?”

“The rumor says A-Sang,” she said. “The one that likes to carry scholarly fans.”

“A-Sang? Really?”

“I know! We all thought that the Emperor didn’t even like A-Sang – everyone agrees that A-Sang never got any imperial visits before this; the Emperor never spent a night in A-Sang’s rooms, never even shared a meal, nothing. But why else would he take A-Sang with him on a months-long journey?”

Why indeed. The Emperor remained as unfathomable as ever. Meng Yao wondered briefly if Wen Ruohan really had murdered the Empress in her seclusion, faking her presence with a note…still, it seemed implausible. Why would he bother?

“I heard a rumor once,” he said instead. “About A-Sang.”

Like all good spies and shit-stirrers, Sisi was immediately at full attention – she knew that Meng Yao was not inclined to gossip for the pleasure of it, the way she was, and therefore he would only volunteer information if he intended for her to spread it.

“A-Sang is the Empress’ family,” Meng Yao said, and Sisi’s eyes went wide. “Younger sibling.”

Younger brother, he thought, though he didn’t say anything – he didn’t actually know for sure. It was hard to tell. Wen Ruohan didn’t lock away his wives the way some men did; on the contrary, he enjoyed bringing them out for celebrations to show them off. But the Empress was invariably veiled, swathed in silks without a hint of skin showing, always seated in her chair as if she were kneeling in penance, never moving; Meng Yao, who only saw her from a distance during the celebrations, sometimes almost thought she might not have legs. In daily life, she sometimes attended the Emperor’s court, but always remained seated behind her veils and sometimes even a screen, little more than a silhouette from which, rarely, notes emerged but no voice ever did.

Naturally, if the Empress preferred to be veiled, that meant the other wives had to at least pretend to follow her lead. And that meant veils and concealing clothing, even if some of them interpreted the concept rather loosely, with sheer veils and even sheerer clothing, meant to entice – A-Sang fell somewhere in the middle of that spectrum, wearing a veil that revealed his eyes and clothing that allowed him flexibility of movement without too much restraint, and while he was slender and delicate, Meng Yao was moderately certain that he was indeed male.

Not that it mattered.

Wen Ruohan had never much cared about that.

“Amazing,” Sis breathed. “So all these years, the Emperor has been refraining from touching A-Sang out of respect for the Empress, and now the little sister wife has finally made her move…”

Meng Yao had said none of that, but it served him to muddle the waters a little, mostly to see who would try to clear it up. Not that it could be, as his information about their familial connection was accurate – gleaned from a careless comment by Wen Ruohan himself, no less – but it interested him to know who would try regardless.

“Go,” he said, and Sisi left, all but floating, and it wasn’t long before A-Jue returned, all shiny with sweat and exertion, looking incredibly fuckable.

“You worked near the harem, right?” Meng Yao asked him, mind still focused on the bubbling little scandal that he just knew would become an issue that could wreck his thus far successful regency. “Do you have any connections there?”

“Not really?” A-Jue said. “Most of the wives are scared of me.”

Typical.

“Is there something you’d like me to find out for you..?”

“No need,” Meng Yao said. He’d never met anyone less well suited to be a spy than A-Jue. “But it may be an avenue of future threats, so keep it in mind.”

“I’m not going to let anyone from the harem harm you,” A-Jue said, oddly fierce. “Not anyone. Don’t worry.”

#mdzs #meng yao #jin guangyao #nie mingjue #nieyao #my fic #my fics #good help

[klbwriting]

Unexpected Allies - Chapter 6

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: future Kaz/female!Reader

Summary: with the carriage crashed they must continue on horseback

Note: this one is shorter, I wanted to have some nice bonding with Jesper done before we got back to the regularly scheduled story

Taglist: @mcntsee​

              Kaz had felt the weight of the carriage change a moment before they went into the ditch.  It gave him time to get ready so that when they fell, he was able to land on his side instead of his head.  His hip throbbed but he was able to stand quickly and noticed that Y/N hadn’t been so lucky.  Curse his stupid mouth for saying something hurtful to her before this.  He knew brushing off her confessions was callous, but he had been annoyed with her for pulling her legs away from him.  He knew he was petty but that was a new low and now he would have to win back her affection.  Why did he want her affection anyway? O right because his heart was working for once.  Damn.

              He stumbled over to where she lay unconscious and looked around the carriage, finding a way out in the floor.  Must have been a carriage for smuggling, complete with emergency exit if you were caught, smart.  He kicked open the trapdoor and then looked back at Y/N.  He knew Jesper would come in and get her but Kaz wanted to be the one who got her.  He tossed his cane out the door and took a deep breath, focusing on getting Y/N to safety, and picked her up into his arms.  He carried her outside, laying her down in the grass nearby.  Once she was safe the thoughts of dead bodies and Jordie’s face roared into his mind and walked to the edge of the woods and vomited, holding himself against a tree.  When he was finished he turned back to see that Jesper was checking on her, his arm bleeding.

              “Are you hurt?” Kaz asked, walking back over to them. Jesper shrugged before standing next to him.

              “I’m fine, just a cut” he responded, tearing off his shirt sleeve and wrapping it around the cut, tying it with difficulty. “Can’t offer a hand?” he said to Kaz, smirking.  Kaz glared. “You saved her, carried her out here, you like her, you big softie.”  The look Kaz sent him wiped the smile off his face.  It was a long time before Jesper mustered the courage to speak again.  “Its alright you know, to have feelings about someone, you can still rip out hearts and then go home to someone.”

              “That’s enough Jesper, I don’t need a lecture from you about my feelings,” he snarled, hearing Y/N start to stir.  She blinked open her eyes and sat up quick, gripping her head. She looked around, then at the two men in front of her.

              “How did I get out of the carriage?” she asked. Before Kaz could stop him Jesper spoke.

              “Kaz carried you out,” he said, smiling big. Kaz’s blood was boiling at the betrayal. Y/N looked at Kaz silently.        

              “Thank you Kaz,” she said softly, standing with Jesper’s help.  Kaz nodded quietly, looking away.  He was going to have to admit sooner or later that Jesper was right, he did have feelings for her, but he would admit that later.  He still didn’t know what he could do in a relationship with someone anyway, who would want a broken bastard?  

              By this time Jesper had brought the horses over and even had found a spare saddle in the carriage storage bin.   Y/N dressed the horse, getting on ready to ride.  

              “Kaz take this one, I’ll ride with Jesper on the other,” she said, holding the reins.  Kaz wanted to argue but knew he couldn’t possibly ride a horse with someone else, not even Y/N, for the amount of time they needed.  The Permafrost was still over 2 days away, he would never survive. He climbed on the horse with difficulty, ignoring the help the others offered.  Once astride he slid his cane into his belt and heard a giggle.  He narrowed his eyes at Y/N and once again found that she wasn’t the least bit afraid of him.  He both admired and hated that about her.

              “You look like a general in those old school books, saber at the ready,” she said.  Kaz rolled his eyes and looked away before anyone could see the red that flared on his cheeks.  “But you’re much better looking than those guys.”  Kaz had expected a compliment, she seemed to like teasing him and then stroking his ego to win back his favor.  He hated that it worked.  He watched, a little annoyed, when she joined Jesper on the horse and they started riding north again.  

                Y/N could see that Kaz was struggling, not with his horse, but his emotions.  She had to admit, his feelings were probably harder to tame than a wild horse and she still didn’t know if it was worth it.  She realized that his jab about her secrets the night before had been out of anger. She wasn’t sure what he was angry about, but him carrying her out of the carriage proved that he cared about her in some way.  She would take that and work with it.  

              “You like him don’t you?” Jesper asked, him also noticing how Kaz couldn’t look at them for more than a moment before he looked away again, the jealousy clear on his face.  

              “Yes, I more than like him,” she answered. Jesper was easy to talk to, Kaz should send him out to gain secrets, with his laid back attitude and fun demeanor anyone would get loose lips with him.  He nodded and looked ahead again but she noticed the frown on his face.  “What has you upset?”

              “I…I miss Wylan,” he said softly.  It was almost like he was just admitting it to himself and she felt her heart break a little at the sad look on his face.  “Stupid merchling wormed his way into my heart and won’t let go.”  

              “I guess we both have men who are unreachable at the moment.  I’m sure we will find Wylan at the resistance camp, if he had the strength to deal with both you and Kaz I can only imagine how strong his will is.  I’m still debating on shooting you both,” she teased. Jesper let out a chuckle.

              “If you find you want to shoot Brekker you can use my guns,” he answered making her laugh this time.  

              “You two seem chummy,” Kaz called, riding to walk his horse closer to them.  He looked so put out by their interactions that Y/N almost laughed at him.

              “Don’t worry Kaz, I’m not trying to steal your new girl,” Jesper shot back.  If looks could rip someone apart the look Kaz gave him would have done that and more.  “You see Kaz here almost ended up with Inej…” A loud crack rang out and Jesper let out a strangle cry of pain.  Kaz had snapped his cane out, smacking it hard against Jesper’s knee.  

              “Don’t start talking like you know anything Jesper,” Kaz said, voice menacing.   Y/N looked at him.  This must be Dirtyhands, the supposed bad guy buried in Kaz, the one who liked to rip out eyes and maim men for saying the wrong thing.  She was impressed by his vicisousness but she didn’t want this aspect of Kaz to be out and about right now.

              “Kaz calm down, this is all in good fun,” she said. “I know you don’t know how to really have fun but I promise this conversation will never be shared with anyone, right Jesper?”

              “Right,” Jesper wheezed out, still trying to move his leg.  “Did you break my kneecap?”

              “Just disabled your lower leg for a minute, you’ll be fine.  God knows I don’t want to carry you if you break your leg,” Kaz responded.  He looked at Y/N and she smiled at him, wanting him to calm down.  She saw him take a deep breath and relax some.

              “So are you going to tell me about Inej?  I have heard the stories about her leading the refugees north, she sounds amazing,” Y/N said.  And she sounds infinitely better than me for Kaz she thought to herself.  Inej was supposed to be strong, a leader, someone that could gain secrets by knife or by charm, and apparently Kaz had once wanted her.   Y/N didn’t often let insecurity eat at her, she was Grisha who could do anything, why should she think less of herself?  But the idea that Kaz would desire her over Inef Ghafa seemed laughable.  

              “No one is going to talk about Inej anymore. What I felt for her wasn’t real,” he said, a pleading look in his eyes.  This whole conversation was making him squirm it seemed, too much talk of feelings and emotions that he didn’t want to visit.   Y/N nodded, feeling a little better that he seemed to be telling the truth.  Inej was a friend, a second in command, but it appeared that she was just that and nothing more.  Then again, Y/N was just a Grisha, someone to get them back to their crew and nothing more. Suddenly she didn’t feel any better.

              They rode on for another hour, the sun getting hot above them as they passed midday in silence.   Y/N was hoping they would get at least halfway to the Permafrost today but she felt her heart stop and her blood go cold as a voice called from behind them.

              “Little puppy, seems you found some new friends,” the Darkling said.  Jesper whipped the horse around and all three stared as the man approached alone, looking ready to kill.

#six of crows #kaz #kaz brekker #jesper fahey #kaz x reader #kaz brekker x reader #unexpected allies series #kazbrekker

[shadeswift99]

hello it is i, from ao3. as promised, i come bearing gifts (questions)

what's the demon realm like? is it like the overworld, just populated by demons instead of humans/hybrids/etc? or is it more like the nether or end, or something different altogether? what about culture, society? how do they live together? is there some sort of social hierarchy? typical family constelations? are there any traditions demons have?

is communication between the demon realm and the primary plane possible? if so, how? can you travel from one realm to the other, or is it only possible through summoning?

how did team zit meet? when did they decide to summon impulse into hermitcraft with them? was impulse ever on the primary plane before? aside from impulse (and mumbo), are there any other demons on hermitcraft (that we know about)?

if not, then i wonder how impulse will react after finding out about mumbo. maybe he'll get excited about having another demon buddy on the server with him?

i have other questions but. i thought maybe all of them at once would be overwhelming ._.

Hello!! I haven't once stopped thinking about the Red Thread AU since I came up with it...less than a week ago, so the excuse to ramble is very much appreciated!

That being said: I'm afraid the answer to most of this stuff is either "spoilers" or "not really thought out yet". However, I will answer what I can! Long-winded Red Thread nonsense under the cut :D

The Demonic Plane is mostly nether-esque, but not always...fire flavoured, in all places. It's a space heavily themed around pure elemental energy (put a pin in the idea of "elemental" for later) and what you might call chaos magic, so the composition of different areas as well as the normally predictable laws of things like gravity vary. It gets a little amorphous and difficult to describe to humans at times, but the demons who try tend to speak fondly of it, so I guess it's a pretty good living environment for them!

Alrighty, what else out of that can I actually answer...family. Demons are born of elemental magic and are capable of independent survival from birth, so they don't really have families, but I think they often end up living in large groups based on location or shared interest. There isn't really a set hierarchy or firm borders between groups - their social structure is loose and ever-shifting, much like their home. Age, size, and demonic type (there are many) are the only real deciding factors in terms of difference between them. Fun fact: age and size are very linked! Demons operate on lobster immortality! And by that I mean: they have an infinite natural lifespan (aside from illness and injury) and the only thing limiting their size is age and available space + resources. Extrapolate how you will. :]

Interplanar travel! And communication. You'll See. Yeah that's about all I can say there. What I can tell you is that communication between the Primary and Demonic planes specifically is patchy and requires travel. There isn't a (known, advisable, or permitted) technological or magical option for remote communication currently.

And, ZIT. Yeah. There are threads in there. Big, long, red ones. I think a lot of your questions will be answered or able to be guessed at once Impulse and Zed start getting involved in the plot (only a few chapters left to go!) but I want to tread carefully around extra information for them, since they both end up being key players in their own special ways. Tango is also pretty important, he's just also...a regular human dude who's very much Actively In Space for the majority of the action, so he's a little backgrounded for the time being. I can tell you that ZIT did meet up before Hermitcraft, with Zed meeting Impulse first, and that Impulse was suppose to spend only a few weeks on the Primary Plane but ended up liking it so much he stayed! And I can definitively confirm that there are no other demons on the server aside from him and Mumbo. The others have their share of weird and wild going on too though, don't you worry. I can't wait to get deeper into all their complications and how they all interact....

Shaderamble complete! Thank you so much for your questions, this is honestly my favourite part about a story/universe/project/Thingy like this, just the way the flexibility and scale lets me bat around ideas and info when I'm not writing. Feel free to ask more, if you'd like to spin the "is that a spoiler" wheel again!

#ask #red thread au #haven't super solidified imp and zed's meeting yet but I do know it happened on Not The Primary Plane so there's that! #that's a thing that is for sure! #I've been doing a ton of writing lately and I've got uuuh...counting.... #...five. five unposted updates written. #but very few of them are actually adjacent to each other in my planned order #hence why unposted #haven't written zed and impulse yet technically but boy do i have ideas #i think they're going to be great in the area of 'humour and reasonably effective communication' #real breath of fresh air compared to the dumpster fire everyone else is huh - #of course they're nerfed by natural himboism but when are they not #love it for them <3 #right. never felt better about using the #shade rambles #tag #i will shut up now! :D

[the-golden-ghost]

Things you said prompt number 17? Feeling like reading a bit of Jigoe angst 😁

17. Things you said that I wish you hadn’t

A lot could change in two months.

Jigen had been living wild since Lupin’s last supposed death (drowning, no body discovered, all of them far too jaded with him now to believe he was truly gone). In Jigen’s case, he probably wouldn’t have believed it even with a body. He knew how conniving Lupin could be. But there’d been no word from him, nothing but rumors of his continued existence on the mortal plane, and now they’d been summoned to one of their most secluded hideouts - not by him, but by Fujiko.

Jigen damn well hoped she knew something he didn’t, because he wasn’t going to work for her. But because she really might know something - and because Jigen was a damned idiot who didn’t know what was good for him - he was here.

It was one of their nicest places, too. Small, on a lakeside, hidden behind some big grassy hills and surrounded for miles by woods. A good place to rest. When they’d been up here together last, Goemon had hung wind chimes and the four of them had planted a garden which was now, as Jigen could see, overrun with weeds, but the chimes were still singing.

He parked his car and sat for a minute. No idea who’d be inside. There were no other vehicles he could see but that didn’t mean the house was empty. He just wasn’t sure he was ready to face any of them.

~

Two months ago Jigen had gotten the news and buried his grief because at this point he was numb to it. Lupin liked to screw around like this - he was magnificent and selfish and saw his own life as a stageplay that the world watched with baited breath. When he died - truly died, he’d assured Jigen long ago - it would be spectacular, the kind of death that shook the world to its core and that people would immortalize in song and story for centuries upon centuries to come.

Drowning wasn’t it, so Lupin was coming back. Probably. Either way that wound had cauterized itself long ago, for Jigen. It wouldn’t do any good to grab Lupin by the throat and demand what he couldn’t give. It didn’t seem to matter that Jigen got shaken to the core every single fucking time but Jigen was just one man, and he didn’t know how to write stories. So on it went.

Goemon was different. After the news came they’d stood together with their bags packed, ready to separate for an uncertain amount of time, and Jigen, shaken, had turned to the one man he loved who he was certain was still breathing and offered himself. What did a samurai need with a partner? Apparently nothing, because Goemon had refused his service and left. And it was that simple refusal that had been grating on Jigen since they’d seen each other last, because somehow, in his infinite stupidity, he’d thought Goemon cared enough about him to want to stick together. Somehow he’d made that mistake.

But no. Jigen was a man who faltered without someone to ride beside, but Goemon worked just fine alone.

~

After two months living city to city in and out of dives and the seediest motels money could buy, it was strange to be in a place with wind chimes. It felt like a waking dream, like none of this was quite real, or maybe it was just the scotch messing with his head. Didn’t matter. The door was unlocked and Jigen walked in with a rush of apprehension.

Nobody. The place was clean and empty and abandoned.

“Fujiko?” he asked to no one. She’d called them, so she should be here. But apparently not. “Lupin?” he called, more hesistant now. If Lupin were to truly just show up like this, casually, as if Jigen’s life were just an intermission he could stroll into whenever he felt like it - Jigen would probably shoot him dead right there and just get the inevitable over with. But he was still gone.

“Goemon?” He wasn’t here either. That made it easier. He shuffled off to the kitchen to get himself another drink and then slumped on the couch for a nap. The drive up here had been way too long.

~

Jigen awoke with a start in the early evening to find that he was no longer alone, that there was a shadow hovering by the window. He scrambled up; taking in through his dazed and blurry vision who it was. “Goemon?” he asked.

“It’s me.”

In spite of the rage and bitterness that he’d been clinging to for the past two months in a desperate bid to keep from collapsing, Jigen’s heart still pulled towards Goemon. Soft as he was, he would have forgiven Goemon for that abandonment. He would have forgiven him for anything.

Anything except for what he did a moment later, which was to recoil when Jigen approached him. “Jigen? Where have you been living?”

“Around,” Jigen said, taken aback by the reaction, his anger slowly rising. Damn him, he didn’t even want to go through a proper greeting? Even now? “Why? Do you care?”

Goemon studied Jigen for a long moment before looking away. “You look terrible. I would not doubt you haven’t even been trying to take care of yourself. Why didn’t stay in one of the safe houses? Lupin would not have denied you that.”

In truth, Jigen hadn’t stayed because it would have been hell on earth. Living day to day, alone in one of those empty half-homes with way too many memories per square inch but no people in sight. He couldn’t take it. Jigen needed cites; that impersonal human contact where no one knew you from Adam and didn’t give a shit in hell about you but where you were never isolated, never cut off from the world. There was security in living like a rat in a wall.

He didn’t say any of that to Goemon, though. Instead he decided to opt for something much nastier. “Maybe I just like living in filth. Guess we can’t all be as honorable and perfect as you, can we? Where were you? Wait - I can guess - training yourself up so you can get a better gig and stop associating with mangy dogs like me.”

Goemon’s gaze flickered angrily but he kept calm. “I have been training,” he said coolly. “And you are drunk by the sound of it. Not that I’m surprised.”

Jigen’s rage flared up again, in full force. “What the hell’s that supposed to mean? You’re not surprised? What, you want to fight me? I’ll show you how fucking drunk I am.”

Goemon didn’t move, nor did he make a motion to draw his sword. “I did not come here to fight anyone, least of all you. I came here because Fujiko sent for me.”

“Yeah? Well fuck Fujiko. Fuck her and fuck you. I’m out.”

He made it twenty miles back towards where he’d come from before he realized he hadn’t put gas in the car, ran out, toyed briefly with sleeping in the ditch on the side of the road, thought better of it, and began the long hike back to the house. He made it in by 1 am and collapsed onto the couch, too exhausted for words.

~

In the morning Jigen wasn’t mad anymore. Mostly because he felt like he’d been run over by a truck. Just didn’t have the energy, but more than that, he felt guilty about taking his losses out on Goemon. It wasn’t Goemon’s fault Jigen couldn’t survive two measly months flying solo without having a complete breakdown. Goemon had tucked himself away in the bedroom and wasn’t coming out. Fujiko was nowhere to be seen, still, and Lupin... who knew.

Jigen sat around for a while and smoked and wished he hadn’t come. But he had come, and he’d screwed things up, so. Over to the bedroom door he went, and knocked.

“Hey,” he asked hoarsely, opening the door a little. “You still mad?”

There was no reply, which meant the answer was probably yes.

“Cause... look, man, I’m sorry. I’m sorry about every stupid half-assed thing I said to you last night. And I didn’t mean a word of it. I just wanted to fight somebody and you were the only one here.”

Still silence.

“But that doesn’t make it right.”

No response.

“I’m comin’ in,” Jigen said finally. He wasn’t immediately sliced in half, so that was a good sign at least. Goemon was sitting on the bed, facing away from the door, deathly still and silent. “Goemon? Please look at me.”

Goemon did not. For all that, Jigen might have been invisible.

He took a step closer. “Look, I don’t care what you say to me,” he said between shaking breaths. “I don’t friggin’ care, Goemon. You can cuss me out if you want. You can say whatever you want to me - you can call me the lowest, dirtiest, most pathetic damn bastard you’ve ever met in your entire life. I don’t give a shit, I know what I am, I just - “ he broke off, pleading. “Just hold me, Goemon, for fuck’s sake I just need you right now, and -”

The words struck home. Goemon turned, looking startled, and reached out to Jigen. For a long while they clung to each other, squeezing tight, Jigen burying his face against Goemon’s neck, twining his fingers through his hair, and Goemon gripping Jigen around the waist and running a hand down his back, over and over.

“Did I hurt you? Bad?” Jigen asked finally, settling down on the bed next to Goemon, who, by some miracle, didn’t pull away, even when Jigen leaned against his shoulder.

“Nothing that I cannot survive. I’ve been training, remember,” Goemon said softly. “And you’re sure you’re all right? You don’t look well.”

“I feel like shit, but it’s just part of the territory. I’ll get better,” Jigen said.

“Good. I was worried about you, you know. While I was alone I was able to improve myself - I hope to be strong enough now to keep you and Fujiko safe at all costs. But I knew that the price was that I had to leave you alone for that time.”

“Well, I’ve been alone before,” Jigen said nonchalantly. “It’s okay. I’m used to it. It was kind of fun not having to do the dishes or listen to Lupin’s chatter.”

“I miss Lupin’s chatter,” Goemon replied.

“Yeah,” Jigen said sadly. “I do too.” They sat for a moment, united in loss. “Hey, Goemon?” Jigen asked after a minute. “Can we forget about yesterday? I’d rather just start over.”

Goemon sighed. “Yes, I think that would be best.”

The rest could come later. Fujiko’s plan, Lupin’s revival. For now, the two of them simply rested, side by side, for the remainder of the morning. They had a lot of catching up to do.

#Lupin III #my writing #me: this'll be short #it: isn't #anyway sometimes I think about how Lupin's penchant for treating his own life like a Grand Performance #leads to him inadvertently using his friends as unwilling extras and how that's going to affect them #I touched on that here but that's also not really what this is about I just think it's fucked up but in an Intriguing way #anyway I hope this passes inspection! you said you wanted angst so I went for it #Jigen and Goemon sometimes badly miscommunicate. they're rather guarded emotionally (but who's NOT on this damn show) #but they're also pretty willing to forgive and understand each other #so I gave them a softer ending

[spritewrites]

Breakfast Threats (Squealing Santa 2k20)

Fandom: Haikyuu

Characters: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou (Kuroken)

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: This is my submission for Squealing Santa 2020, organized by @ticklygiggles​!! My assignment was @secretleeblogging​, who requested lee!Kenma wake up tickles. I LOVED doing this assignment, Kenma’s my favorite character and especially soft sleepy Kenma is everything to me. Happy holidays, hope you enjoy!!

Kozume Kenma was absolutely, 100 percent certain that the sun was a malicious force of nature specifically designed to ruin his day. No benevolent fire orb could ever be so rude as to burn into his retinas with that much intensity. It had to be the work of some evil spirit; maybe a demon, maybe a homophobic ancestor, who could say? Definitely something out for vengeance, because whatever was coercing the cosmos to shine all their light directly through his window at all hours surely sought his demise.

He scrunched his nose, wincing, and tried to explain this phenomenon to the lanky lump of messy black hair and volleyball muscle beside him. Tetsurou would understand.

Unfortunately, between the sun and the pillow and the muscle, the best language he could manage was “Time s’it?”

Beside him, the lump moved. A long arm reached over Kenma, fumbled, and grabbed a phone. Kuroo Tetsurou, in all his bedhead glory, blinked blearily at the screen. “Eight.”

Kenma groaned, turning onto his stomach and burying his face in his pillow. “S’too bright.” He heard Tetsurou yawn, and selfishly peeked one eye open to catch a glimpse. His boyfriend was sitting up, shirtless and glowing in the early morning light, all tousled hair and red lips. Kenma hid his smile in the pillow.

“Need coffee,” Tetsurou grumbled. “Want any?”

Kenma shook his head, pulling the blankets further up around his shoulders. Artificial energy was the last thing he needed; what he really wanted was more sleep. He was dimly aware of the weight next to him on the bed disappearing and soft footsteps making their way out the bedroom door, accompanied by mumbled words that sounded suspiciously like “More for me.”

With a sigh, Kenma relaxed into the plush sheets. Mornings, especially mornings after he’d been up late playing games, were never his thing. Bright mornings like this one were extra trying on his vision, which was nearly nocturnal after years of gaming. Still, the prospect of being able to fall back asleep and wake up later to a hot breakfast from Tetsurou was too delicious to resist. Already he could feel himself drifting off, slipping back out of consciousness and into the soft embrace of sleep. 

It didn’t feel like a moment had passed when something was shaking his leg. Somebody was speaking, but it didn’t really matter who, not when his bed was as warm as it was. Just a few more minutes, he thought to himself.

“C’mon, kitten,” Tetsurou insisted, sounding equal parts annoyed and fond. “You got an extra two hours, it’s time to get up.”

“Mmf,” Kenma grunted eloquently, shoving his face deeper into the pillow. Another shake of his leg made him squirm, irritated. “Little longer.”

“You’ve had long enough; our breakfast is cold.”

There was a brief pause as Kenma formulated and internally executed an elaborate multi-pronged argument, which ended up finally exiting his mouth as “Microwave.”

“Okay, fair,” Tetsurou replied, and damn him, Kenma could hear his smile. How dare he tease when the stakes were this high? Extra sleep was pretty much a matter of life and death. “Guess I’ll have to make you.”

Kenma still wasn’t entirely conscious, but some tiny alarm went off in his sleep-addled brain. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to make him furrow his brow and curl his toes beneath the sheets. “…Can’t make me.”

“Oh?” There was something in Tetsurou’s tone that Kenma couldn’t put his finger on. Amusement, maybe? Mischief?

Suddenly, he felt the warmth of the blankets tugged away, leaving only Kenma in his pajamas on the bare mattress. He curled in on himself, whining in protest. “Hey!”

“See?” Tetsurou teased, holding the bedding teasingly out of reach. “This is how your breakfast feels. Cold, sad…”

“Give em back,” Kenma groaned, aware of how petulant he sounded but too exhausted to care. “Lemme sleep!” 

“Sleep is for the weak.” The mattress creaked, and Kenma felt a soft weight settle on his legs. “And you’re strong, aren’t you, kitten?”

Before he could reply, Kenma felt Tetsu’s presence on his legs shift and move closer to the head of the bed. Cold fingers snuck under his hoodie and waltzed up his spine, sending goosebumps racing to follow. He tensed, clutching the pillow. Oh.

“Tetsu—”

“Mm?” Tetsurou replied, all innocence. His strong body slid up Kenma’s, easily slotting into place on top of him and letting the weight of his body drape over his boyfriend. Kenma twitched as Tetsurou’s strong legs straddled his hips – soothing as the feeling was, he was also hyper-aware that he couldn’t squirm away. The fingers on his back spidered back down, effortlessly light in their touch.

Kenma took a shaky breath. “W-what’re you—”

“Told you I’d make you.” Tetsurou’s smirk pressed up between his shoulder blades, and Kenma had to stifle a gasp. “You’re not ticklish, are you, sweetheart?”

“I—” The fingertips changed direction again, trailing back up his back, but skating dangerously close to his sides this time. Kenma gritted his teeth, fighting an inevitable smile. “You – you know the answer! Tetsu—”

This time, when the touch on his spine reached the nape of his neck, it stayed there, circling the soft part of his back where his neck met his shoulders. With a squeak, Kenma’s shoulders hitched up by his ears.

“Don’t you dare,” he hissed.

Tetsurou’s reply was so close to his ear that it was barely a whisper, ruffling his hair and making Kenma absolutely shiver. “You brought this on yourself, kitten.” 

With that, Tetsurou’s fingertips curled, prodding carefully into the sides of his ribcage, and he began to press smiling kisses all over the back of Kenma’s neck. Kenma, for his part, did not fall into laughter immediately; rather, he let out what could only be described as a squeal and began kicking wildly. Fortunately, his ribs weren’t so bad that he couldn’t hide the laughter building in his chest. Unfortunately, the sleepiness that still clouded his mind had left him weak, soft, and seemingly even more ticklish than usual. Still, it wasn’t until the kisses migrated north to his ears, nosing into the gaps in his hair, that his squeaks turned into real giggles, high-pitched and sweet and absolutely delightful to Tetsurou.

“You’re so cute when you laugh!”

“Please, please, I – enough with the ears!”

“You have the cutest ears; I can’t not kiss—”

“You—” Kenma snorted into the pillow— “you obsess over ears?”

“Hmmm…” The kiss that Tetsurou pressed into the nape of his neck was whisper-soft. “Only yours.” 

Kenma could feel his face burning, but didn’t dare lift his head lest Tetsurou see the redness on his cheeks and tease him about that, too. His concern didn’t last long, though, as the tickling in between his ribs moved to become squeezing at his sides, and he nearly gave then and there.

“Monster,” he gasped through his laughter, trying to kick. “Absolute menace, truly–” 

“Now, Kenma,” Tetsurou chided, giving Kenma’s hipbones a squeeze and relishing the cackles that the action produced. “I don’t think you’re really in a position to be throwing around insults, are you?”

While his point certainly held up, Kenma wasn’t exactly in a rational place mentally. He was lost in laughter, hardly able to think through a haze of ticklishness, and his usual line of defense against attacks such as these (wild thrashing) was being significantly hindered by Tetsurou’s presence on his back. He tried kicking once more, but it was more of a flailing than anything else, and his boyfriend’s strong legs easily countered the attack.

“Careful,” Tetsurou teased, reaching back to give one of his knees a quick squeeze (and producing a delicious howl).

“I cahahan’t,” Kenma wailed, burying his face once more in a pillow that was now wet with tears of laughter. “Please, Tetsu, please–”

“Are you going to get up?” asked Tetsurou, who had just found a wonderful spot on Kenma’s waist that made him hiccup.

“I—I—” Kenma giggled helplessly. He could feel his cheeks started to ache from smiling, but something in his pride kept him from giving in. “You’re teasing, I—Oh, not there, Tetsu, plehehease!”

“Please what?” came the reply, but Kenma was laughing too hard to answer. “Please tickle you more?” 

“Wahahait, I can’t—” 

“Can’t what?”

Kenma snorted, twitching under his boyfriend as a rogue fingernail found its way into his underarm. As merciless as the tickling was, the relentless teasing was almost infinitely worse.

“You’re—that tickles, Tetsu—”

“Does it?” asked Tetsurou, amused. “Almost enough to make you come have breakfast with me?” 

“I—ugh, fine, yes!” Kenma finally shouted between bouts of giggles.

Grinning triumphantly, Tetsurou pressed one last ticklish kiss to his boyfriend’s ear and rolled off him. Finally, Kenma turned over, blinking in the morning sun, face flushed and streaked with tears of laughter. His ribs heaved with the effort of replacing the lost oxygen, but he couldn’t seem to wipe the smile off his face. 

“That… that was rude.”

Tetsurou reached over to boop his nose, earning a swat and a weak chuckle. “Just be glad you surrendered when you did, kitten. Your toes were next.”

Kenma tried his best not to curl his toes at the thought, but Tetsurou’s knowing look told him that he’d failed. “You can’t—stop making fun of me, alright, I was asleep and you practically tortured me.”

Tetsurou hummed thoughtfully at that, brushing some of Kenma’s hair out of his face. “Never told me to stop, though, did you?”

Crap. Kenma froze, face burning. Tetsurou, on the other hand, burst into laughter.

“Aww, does my little kitten like being tickled?”

“Shut up,” Kenma hissed, but Tetsurou was practically rolling with giggles.

“That’s so adorable—”

“Enough teasing!”

“Oh, come on,” Tetsurou smiled, giving his boyfriend’s forehead a quick kiss. “You’re just bitter that I won.”

“M’gonna get you back, you know,” Kenma grumbled, rubbing the last of the sleep from his eyes and revealing a competitive shine. “Except a billion times worse.”

Tetsurou snorted derisively, but Kenma would have to be blind to miss the way his eyes widened. “I’d like to see you try – hey!”

The finger that had wedged itself just south of Tetsurou’s ribcage gave an experimental wiggle, and Kenma’s lips quirked at the sound his boyfriend made. Flushing, Tetsurou wrapped a hand around the intruding touch and pushed it away, playing up his puppy eyes to his full ability.

“Can it at least wait till after breakfast?” 

Kenma raised an eyebrow. “You have two minutes.”

“Two?!”

“Better be quick, sweetheart. One Mississippi… two Mississippi…”

Tetsurou was out of the room in a second, socks slipping on the hardwood and leaving Kenma snickering into his hoodie. After a moment, he plucked a blanket from where it had been discarded at the end of the bed and pulled it up over him, sighing and wiggling his toes in the warmth. Hmm.

Maybe three minutes.

#squealing santa 2k20 #tickling #tickle fic #haikyuu #kozume kenma #kuroo tetsurou #my fics #secretleeblogging #hope you like it!!!

[byunbaekby]

One Day (PM 01:27)

Pairing: Reader x ex!Doyoung Summary: You’ve never been able to let Doyoung go. He remains in your heart though you can’t erase him, your memories that you can’t let go of. He lives in your books, though you try to ignore his presence. And now, he stands before you to remind you of that time you’ve lost. Word Count: 2.6k Author’s Note: Please enjoy this t h i n g that I wrote at one in the morning because Replay (PM 01:27) came on, and I’ve always loved that song. I’ve always felt like, although it’s kind of disco-y and upbeat, it had a deeper sadder meaning. So here is my word vomit, inspired by one of my favorite NCT 127 songs :)

-

Your break-up wasn’t supposed to be a break up.

Initially, it was just a break.

Fresh out of college with your undergrads, drowning in debt and lacking in love, you told your boyfriend of three years, Kim Doyoung, that you needed a break. You had simply grown apart, and needed time to reprocess your relationship. Being the understanding man you knew him to be, he obliged.

You had expected it to last a week or two, maybe a month. But Doyoung had packed his necessities from your shared apartment and, with a kiss on your forehead, left for Taeyong's place, promising to be back whenever you needed. But he never came back.

You didn’t really know what it was that kept you from calling him.

Perhaps it was that you were a writer. Your head in the clouds and your emotions always running wild, you constantly overthought every single detail of your relationship. You would keep telling yourself you needed more time away. That time grew from days, to weeks, to months, until it had been over a year since the last time Doyoung pressed his chapped lips to your skin in a chaste kiss.

Perhaps it was that Doyoung, as a law student, was far too emotionless and had no qualms giving you your infinite space, even as your relationship silently disintegrated. He respected your space, told you to reach out to him when you were ready. But you had never been ready.

Perhaps it was just that in your time apart, the love faded. You both came to realize this.

-

I can't move an inch, I’m still here. Afterimages of you dig into me like vibrations. At the end of the scene of longing that always circles my head. I heard a familiar sound.

It’s been two years since the last time you set foot on Korean soil.

After your break-up with Doyoung, after you came to terms with the fact that you would never collect the courage to pick up the phone and tell him that you made a mistake, you left your home for greener pastures. In other words, the States.

You had minored in English Literature anyways, and felt that you had a greater chance to kickstart your career in a different country. In some ways, perhaps you needed to get away as well. Get away from the craziness of Korea, from the reminders of Doyoung and the life you once shared together that was no longer attainable.

It’s all a lie, for your heart has been in the same place all this time.

Though it’s only been a mere three hours since you’ve stepped off the plane, your luggage tucked away in your hotel room somewhere negligible in your mind, you remember why you never wanted to return. If not for the release of your first Korean novel, you would have never come back.

Because Doyoung is everywhere.

You see him as you turn the corner, thinking you catch a glimpse of that ugly old car he had always insisted on keeping.

You feel him as you walk down the crowded street bustling with people in the afternoon, clutching your hand tightly to prevent losing you.

You taste him as you walk past a bar the two of you used to frequent, alcohol on his lips as you tugged him home with giggles on your’s.

And now, as you stand at a crosswalk surrounded by tens of commuting passerbyers, your hands tucked into the pockets of your Burberry trench coat, you hear him.

“Y/N?”

Except you turn and discover that he is real.

-

Between the passing people, your melody scatters. Just like then, we're facing each other.

“So… How have you been?”

He is first to break the awkward silence. Your hands, cold from both the air conditioning and your trembling nerves, clutch tighter at your cup of tea. You can see it now. Just four years ago, in the comfortable phase of your relationship, you sat with him in the same cafe, in that corner over there and helplessly in love.

Now he offers a tight-lipped smile to you.

“Fine.”

“Seems like you’re doing more than fine. I… I’ve seen your name on the news. And writer’s lists, your work is doing really well.” You would have never thought that he’d seen your writing. It was all in English, a language you didn’t remember him being too proficient in.

“I guess,” is your response. To anyone, you would have sounded indifferent, uninterested in a conversation with your ex.

A pregnant silence grows between you. Now, it is not Doyoung who is emotionless and stone-faced, but you. He had always been the rock in your relationship—you were infinitely falling apart in emotion and he was always putting you back together. Now, you are stone cold and he is reaching out to you.

“You still don’t drink coffee.” No, you don’t. You had always despised it.

“And you still drink your cafe latte with caramel drizzle.” This brings a soft smile to his face, as if amused by the fact that you could still recall such memories from your mind. What he doesn’t know is that you had spent almost three years away from him trying to banish these thoughts from your mind. You didn’t want to remember, yet he forever remained like an echo in your brain.  

“Yeah,” Doyoung starts. “Some things don’t change after all.” Oh, but they do. Everything has changed, except perhaps your preference in drinks.

Another silence.

He looks healthy. He doesn’t look like a man who had been blindsighted and left in the dark by his long term girlfriend and lover. His face is more defined, no longer softened by the image of youth. Shoulders broadened. Hair done. He dons a suit, pricey as you can recall the brand. But he’s still Doyoung, the man you had been in love with since you laid eyes on him at eighteen years old.

“I’m a lawyer now.” You hadn’t even thought to ask him about his whereabouts. How rude, you scold yourself.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Finished law school a year ago. I didn’t really want to but… Taeyong encouraged me to finish what I already started. I work at Jaehyun’s dad’s firm now.”

“Oh. That’s… nice.”

You wonder fleetingly if you sound uninterested, because you’re not. It’s quite the opposite.

You’re amazed.

Unable to prevent the river of memories that hit you, you relish in it instead. Doyoung hunched over his books for hours; Doyoung stressing over his law school applications, even though you had assured him multiple times that he would be accepted with flying colors; Doyoung always debating with you over the simplest topics, and you laughing to tell him that he’d make the perfect lawyer, always so argumentative. The only time he hadn’t argued was when you told him to leave.

Another silence, except this time, it is you who breaks it.

“I’m proud of you.”

A softness falls over Doyoung’s eyes which are typically always so guarded.

“Thank you.”

-

Old memories, frozen times. Songs we listened to together. You and I, it's clear like it was yesterday.

“You hate it!”

“No… I never said that, baby.” You stare at him with narrowed eyes and a pout on your lips. The two of you are sitting on your bed in your PJs, it is nearly two in the morning. In his hands, your boyfriend holds the first draft of your first short story.

Though he tries to keep a straight face for half a second, he soon bursts into laughter, tilting his head back. With an indignant grunt you snatch the papers from him.

“You’d be a horrible lawyer, you’ve got horrible resolve,” you frown, clutching the papers close to your chest with a pout.

“Baby,” he says, remnants of his laugh from earlier still present in his voice. “It’s not poorly written.” As he speaks, you tuck the papers into the drawer of your nightstand and instead tuck yourself into his arms. “It’s just cliche, I mean, her parents are dead from a drunk driving car accident? She falls in love with a boy after they get paired for a project together? This is K-drama central.”

“It was the best I could do,” you mumble into his chest as he pulls you close in bed, resting his chin on top of your head.

“Thank you for your best.” Even when he is making fun of you, you feel the sincerity in his words. He never means to hurt you; that is Doyoung. He is brash and serious, sometimes too serious to the point where you don’t know when he’s joking, but he never means to cause you any pain. “But I know you’ll be better one day. And one day, I’ll read every single one of your books. I promise, and you know I’m a lawful man!”

One day. One day with Doyoung, you can see it already. “Yeah, one day when you’re the top lawyer at the firm and I’m a famous author.” You grin, tearing from his chest to shoot him a bright smile. “People will pay you billions to have you protect them, and I’ll be picking out stars for my first movie… Song Joongki will do.” This brings a giggle from your throat.

He presses his lips to your forehead, a trademark of his.

“Sounds like a plan, love. One day.”

-

We were so perfect and it hasn’t faded. I want to turn back time.

Though the two of you are standing in the middle of the sidewalk, surrounded by a bustling crowd of people and noise which never seems to cease, the silence is overwhelming.

It’s the same silence that lingered between you for years following your “break,” because neither of you were willing to smash it. Smash the wall between you, one that had been erected without either of your knowledge. The two of you have changed, have grown, have become adults. Yet it seems you are still both afraid.

He walks you to the crosswalk that you had earlier met at. As you are waiting for the light to turn green to allow your journey across the street, Doyoung produces something from inside his suit jacket.

It is your book, the first with its phonetics written in Korean, your mother tongue. It had only been released yesterday.

“I just finished reading this, on my lunch break, when I saw you.”

Does he know? Does he know that it is your story? A story of love, of the love that never asked but never ended. A question mark on the end of a seven year long story, never to have an ending? A couple that falls in love, falls apart, and moves on. Life doesn’t have happy endings, after all.

“You read it?” “Of course. I promised I’d read all your books.” The thought makes your heart lurch, but rather than lean away from him, it reaches out to him.

“Thank you for today. I know it was sudden, but thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to have coffee with me.. Miss famous author.” You look up to him and he has a slight smile curving on his lips.

“Any time, Doie.” The name catches him off guard, but he tightens his lips and smiles. You mirror it.

Yet another silence grows and you almost wish you could live the rest of your lifetime without ever thinking, writing, or experiencing that word ever again.

The look that Doyoung has on his face is stoic. You want him to say it, you know he has something unsaid. It almost feels as though he has dug it from within him after three years. You know it. Say it, you want to urge him in your head.

“Have a good life, Y/N.” It is a goodbye, a final closing on your story which had been left open-ended for so many years. The thought makes you want to cry. Just hours ago you had stepped off the plane, thinking that you were perfectly content in this new life you had grown without Kim Doyoung. Now, the thought of living without him causes your heart to tighten painfully.

“You too, Doyoung.”

The light turns green. You turn your back to him.

Like Doyoung had done at your request a number of years ago, you walk away.

-

Our hearts that connected one by one. Our hearts that beat toward each other. In this moment, we want the same dream.

You’ve counted twenty steps when you can’t walk any further. Frantically you turn around, and search for his disappearing head in the crowd of people.

No, you can’t allow him to walk away. Not again.

“Doyoung!” You yell, but he can’t hear you. The silence is deafening.

Though the light on the crosswalk has now turned red, you sprint across. You cannot lose sight of him, you cannot allow yourself to lose him once again.

“Doyoung!” Please.

You have found him. He is walking, his eyes to the ground and your book in his hands. You have to find it—the courage, the voice within you to call out to him.

You love him.

“Kim Doyoung!” He stops. He’s heard you.

Doyoung stops in his tracks and turns over his shoulder, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. You were supposed to be gone, you were supposed to walk away on the crosswalk back to your hotel and out of his life once again. But no, you were standing here before him with panting breaths and tears in your eyes.

“I’m sorry.” There, you have said it. You are sorry for letting go. You are sorry for allowing your relationship to dissipate into thin air and nothingness. You are sorry for running away, and for never being able to say it until now. “I love you, I love you so much. I’ve never stopped loving you. I tried to ignore it and pretend I didn’t, and pretend that I didn’t care when you never came back from Taeyong’s. I pretended I didn’t care when I threw out the stuff you left behind, I pretended it didn’t hurt me when I stepped on that plane.” Your tears are free-falling now, and suddenly you feel Doyoung’s large hands on your cheeks, cupping them as your book falls to the ground. How foolish you must look, crying in the middle of the day in the midst of the city, but you don’t care.

“I pretended that I didn’t miss you, I pretended my heart didn’t do a thousand and one flips when you called my name today, I pretended that everything would be okay eventually if I kept ignoring the fact that I couldn’t live without you, because I thought it would be okay one day.”

One day.

“But I don’t want that day to come. That day where I can live without you. I want our one day. The one day where I’m happy and you’re happy and we can live out our dreams that we’ve planned since we were stupid kids in love in college. The one day where we can be okay again... Doyoung, I want you. I want your one day and the rest of your days.” Your voice catches in your throat. To be able to admit aloud verbally, to both him and yourself, it makes you cry even harder.

You hadn’t noticed until now that your tears were matched by his. God, you love him so much.

“Okay,” Doyoung manages, voice low as his shaky breath touches your lips. “Today.”

Cause I just want to be, I just want to be loved.

#nct #nct 127 #doyoung #kim doyoung #nct doyoung #doyoung fanfic #doyoung imagine #doyoung angst #doyoung fluff #nct angst #nct fanfic #nct imagine #this turned out a LOT longer than i planned #but whooop

[decretum565]

Dear Madoka Magica,

I didn’t really know how to write this letter, as my feelings towards you are too passionate and complex to simply describe in words. You’ve been such an influence on me in so many different regards, and I guess I’m going to attempt to explain how. I first discovered you a couple years back, when you made a top ten list that popped up in my YouTube recommendations. Naturally, it was THE scene that everyone knows was on there, and I was speechless. My reaction was akin to “D-Did she just—Her head—Did she . . .” And you get the idea. That’s where it began, but it didn’t end there.

So I looked into the show a bit more, and there was something disturbingly fascinating about it. I’ve never cared very much about spoilers, but even so I barely understood all of the plot details. Something about you was so mysterious, and I was a bit nervous to discover more. Eventually, I stopped looking for information, as my interests shifted to other things. But I never actually forgot about you.

Fast forward about two years, and I sit down and think about what anime I should watch. I wasn’t very deep into the rabbit hole at the time, and all of a sudden you crossed my mind. I tried to consider other options but you stuck out to me, Madoka Magica.

And so I watched all twelve episodes. I cried six times.

I’m absolutely serious. I adored you from start to finish. As soon as I was able to, I watched Rebellion, and thoroughly enjoyed it as well (though not as much as I do now). I was obsessed, to put it likely. A year later, I rewatched you, and had an even greater appreciation and the spark rekindled. I tracked down fan-art, fan-fiction, analysis videos and internet posts . . . I loved you.

I loved your narrative. The way that everything pieced together, how you were able to be so complex and dark and yet still so hopeful. The way some scenes were directed and written blew my mind, and every episode felt like three minutes instead of twenty-three. I loved the twists and turns you would take me through, as if I was in an actual Labyrinth. I loved your pacing and symbolism and everything in between. I loved your dialogue, with philosophical conversations that felt believable and analytical and just so incredible.

I loved your characters, so, so much. Madoka and Sayaka were two characters that have many aspects I deeply identify with, and even so I still adore them. I was reminded of younger me with Madoka, how inadequate she felt and awkward she was. Sayaka is still one of my favorite characters in media. She had so many layers to her, with her depression and rambunctiousness, optimism and nihilism, just everything about her was incredible. I loved Kyoko to the same amount as Sayaka. Her introduction scene was fantastic, and she just kept getting more and more complex as time went on, leading to one of the most heartbreaking outcomes with her and Sayaka in episode nine. She had such a personality, and her dynamics with the other characters were a lot of fun to watch. I loved Mami, and her desire for companionship, which added so much background to how she responds to others, how she trusts others until they interfere, and one small mistake can cost her dearly. I loved Homura, how she never gave up, never stopped fighting. How she wasn’t all good or all bad, just traumatized and detached to a scary degree. I loved how you thought of her as strange, scary, mysterious, and then the truth is revealed and everything you thought you knew is recontextualized. And, yes, I loved to hate Kyubey. He’s one of my favorite antagonists for a reason.

I loved the art, the animation, the design and the style. How one moment you could be in a normal anime setting, and then use horrific imagery in the Labyrinth scenes. I loved how they differed from one another, based on themes and strategy and tragedy that you can theorize about infinitely.  I loved your music. Yuki Kajiura’s soundtrack gave such emotion and beauty to the series, and I can’t even list all of the tracks that I adore (Also sorry for misspelling, I tried). Serena Ira, Decretum, Conturbatio, Symposium Magarum, Absolute Configuration, Confessio, Sagitta Luminis, Innevitabilis, Puella in Somnio, Incertus, Encounter, Mada Dame Yo, Credens Justitiam, Venari Strigas, Nuquam Vincar, Surgam Identidem, Salva Terrae Magicae, Pugna Infintia, and so, so many more. And, of course, who can forget Sis Puella Magica! ClariS and Sho Watanabe, I loved Connect, Luminous, and Colorful. And Yuki Kajiura and Kalafina, I loved Magia, Mirai, Hikari Furu, Misterioso, and Kimi no Gin no Niwa. They were all so incredible and I will always love them to bits.

And, finally, I loved your ending. I loved the hope, the bittersweet nature, all of you. How you inspired me to keep going, keep fighting through my own struggles, just to make it to another day. To manage to keep moving forward, no matter the hardships that might come. It was absolutely beautiful.

To say that you have changed my life seems like an understatement. I wouldn’t have the same taste in anime without you, let alone characters and movies and novels. I wouldn’t have played Magia Record or immersed myself in the fandom before it shut down. I wouldn’t have found Yuki Kajiura, who is without a doubt my favorite musical artist and composer ever. I wouldn’t be who I am today without you.

It’s been ten wild years since you first aired, and a lot has changed. Politics, Anime, Literature, Music, just everything keeps going around and around without any end in sight. Some changes have been good, some have been bad, but you’ve survived and been remembered by quite a lot of people. Madoka Magica, you once told all of us that as long as we remember her, the one fighting for us, that we were not alone. That there was a light at the end of the tunnel. And with all of that said, I’ll end with this: Thank You, Madoka Magica. Thank you with all of my heart.

—Decretum

#madoka kaname #homura akemi #mami tomoe #sayaka miki #kyoko sakura #madoka magica #yuki kajiura #puella magi #Madoka Tenth Anniversary #magia record

[staggeringsmite]

HELLO! just finished properly listening to your (amazing!) corruption arc playlist! I have many thoughts, and so I wanted to ask you about specific moments and/or characters that you associate with songs (as mentioned in your tags), as I am simply SO intrigued. (did you have certain songs that were added for certain character(s)? were any songs for specific what if's? etc.) also, please consider this a free pass to ramble about anything related to the playlist that you wish. it is SO excellent!!

AHHHH!! thank you jade (both for the compliment and the free space to yell about my thoughts here because when i get playlist brainrot i get it Bad <3) // the playlist in question

i think i'm genuinely going to do a song-by-song thoughts below the cut, but here are some overview thoughts/associations if you don't wanna read all of that or don't have the time!

overall this started with athena by nova twins! i thought the sp*der imagery and overall vibe was great for a more sinister look at the wacky (mostly) chaotic neutral party as they are, just going full lolth. i wanted the pacing to be semi-slow and then drop into the more rock-heavy reckless villain-y section before moving into a (?) bittersweet? i guess? end that feels a bit more like a question mark of if it was worth it.

i think this party is full of extremely interesting motivations to side with an evil power for their own gain/the benefit of the people they care about, and each one of them has a very complex relationship with that so things spun wildly out of control as a thought about this.

for songs i associate with specific characters here's an overview, but you'll notice there aren't a lot for fy'ra rai or orym which i get into a bit more in the song-by-song:

all: i come with knives, into the spin, steady/steady, control, bad dreams / lolth: million years, athena, diggers / dariax: diggers, plenty, hollow / dorian: athena, grenadine, dangerous / fearne: plenty, you should see me in a crown, black wave / fy'ra rai: home / opal: home, grenadine, black wave, you should see me in a crown / orym: i'm not calling you a liar, dangerous

song-by-song >:)

1. i come with knives (acoustic) - this song, zoowee, so i went with the acoustic version because i think it's a nice slow but sinister start and it very much gave me the feeling of whenever you begin as a character to question taking this kind of power, that is a Source yes that you can do whatever with but is rooted in temptation and associated with evil, is there any real justification for that which is not in some part selfish. "i come with knives and agony to love you" if that isn't the chosen ones to a T in their overall reasoning for even considering a deal with lolth. and as much as that may be rooted in care, and wanting to be strong and powerful enough to protect the people they care about, it is a painful way to love when you really choose that path once and for all.

2. into the spin - this one is based on "slow climb but quick to descend" and i love the instrumentation as a part of the overall vibe, but it's about sowing the seed here. planting even a hint of consideration in accepting the power of the circlet and lolth's words is going to need time for the person to mull it over, but once it's on it is On baby.

3. million years - this is what i mean by All In Baby, and while it isn't the playlists narrative point of anyone actually accepting the power for good, it is a glimpse intended to shake things up after an 8 minute slow start with the first two songs, and this is all about lolth who is a Chaotic Evil entity, who is a reckless and hauntingly destructive force <3

4. home - "everything you made will end up broken" i think this song to fy'ra rai is more of an omen, of everything that she cannot fix but wants to, knowing that she cannot make choices for the group and seeing the potential path they could wind up on and knowing that fundamentally if they go that way it is their decision no matter how much it will hurt her - for opal there is SOMETHING about the tone of this song that feels very much like her, and the complete lack of care it seems to have to rattle off mundane things to the intimate drama of the place, to omens, to demands/declarations i think it shows her personality well and how that pairs with a chaotic neutral entity being offered something like the power of the circlet

5. steady, steady - idk if this is necessarily everyone but the mix of you know when you're ready and i am ready to be the one, this is the song about taking the leap and grabbing for power and/or fy'ra rai and orym's feelings of diving in with them or resisting/leaving them

6. diggers - for lolth this is just the consistent "i've been waiting for you" in the bg which i found fun and disconcering but also i think this is the perfect party and perfect storm for her to convince someone to use the circlets power >:) - for dariax! it seems with what we know he doesn't really know that he is a divine soul sorcerer? unless that is a show he is putting up. still, i feel like him carrying the circlet is Very interesting as someone with a divine bloodline who is in a way being given/chosen for that type of power holding onto this artifact born from evil and perhaps being tempted by it & i think this song works as an interesting back and forth for him with the strange double-entity grab for him in a way

7. athena - truly just a banger that fit the vibes wayyyy too well and started this whole thing, it's loud and reckless and out for blood babey <3 - i think i associate it with dorian mostly because i also associate it with lolth and he is the closest to really taking that leap in canon (and also probably the first one the go if we're following this playlist like a story with everyone/most everyone going corrupt, though it can be read truly infinite ways these are just compiled songs) i think it has a certain flair and appeal that just makes me Feel like it's the song that would play the second dorian puts the circlet on (which! fun fact! decreases your charisma by 2! have fun beloved bard!) - i think it's a very intense conversation

8. i’m not calling you a liar - okayokayokay it's orym thought time bc there are sooo many worlds and routes for orym here and i truly have no idea where he would even end up in this hypothetical. do i think that orym loves these guys and wants to protect them? yes. do i think that he may genuinely take the pain of loving them and keep his morals by walking away and/or turning on them if they all go evil? maybe. do i think he also might love them enough to throw that away? maybe. in a party of all chaotic neutrals besides him without fy'ra rai he is surprisingly the wild card here. while they have each other and no one else, he has the teachings and wisdom of the voice of the tempest and a moral compass that does not align with theirs at all. so, something has to give! dorian's slide into chaotic neutral was natural, but i think orym would be giving up Much More of himself to let himself slide from neutral good to chaotic neutral. i have no answers only sad, sad hypotehtical questions and scenarios so i will just, leave you with "and i love you so much, i'm gonna let you kill me." - this song also comes here before the storm of the 3-5 because whatever way he goes i think orym sees it all happen before anyone else does.

9. grenadine - Do Not Tell Me You Couldn't Hear villainous opal and dorian say the lines "what a big heart i have, i'll be your savior now. what a real catch i am, all the more to pull you down." - i see this song as playful but more genuine for dorian in terms of Truly Really believing any action he does to protect his friends is justified and good to him in his eyes whereas this is a very playful song for a villainous opal - they both give off this vibe strongly though (could see this one for fearne as well but don't have a good a justification)

10. black wave - helloooooo my favorite druid and warlock?? going apeshit with power? more so than they already are on a day-to-day basis (esp given episode 6 combat)? that's what this song is about. "stumbling down the street i swear to god you don't wanna test me" - i also think they both have an interesting question with "what do i believe?" with fearne being of the feywild which is a place of considerably different moral standing to exandria and opal being so young that she doesn't have the world figured out at all <3 terrifying and upsetting when you get into those questions on a corruption arc <3

11. you should see me in a crown - okay i knooooow this one is on the dorian playlist BUT vibes for my brutal babes <333 something about opal’s whole personality and fearne confronting the mirror self But eventually choosing/heading down the path anyway?? impeccable i love it there’s very few other thoughts here

12. control - OKAY not only does this song Fuck but i put it as party wide because i think it transitions nicely into the end of the mix which is more of the “questioning this decision after going all in but not being able to turn back/was it all worth it in the end?” part - i mostly love the “though i like the idea of providence... i’m in love with control” repeated because! i think the circlet is very interesting in that it has been iterated many times over that though it has connections to lolth and she has some claim/twisted abilities with it, it IS just a power source. so, the idea of going all in and accepting this power is an incredibly interesting dilemma of “who’s in charge here? did you really put it on/would you have without these dreams and lolth’s influence? are you really in control?” i think this song really represents that admission/delusion of control in this situation.

13. plenty - okay this song in any context is just my Feywild/Faerie Vibe song so i think this trails back to my feelings about fearne leaning into that different set of fey morals along a corruption arc, and as for dariax i think this is about abundance! following through that mixture of divine power source and chaotic evil god origin over dariax and his chaotic history of vast and varied experiences in emon, i think this very much befits a corrupt version of him.

14. dangerous - this song makes me insane, and the first reason i put it on the mix was the “the dead are true believers. rest assured. we are all believers” really just made me think of a terrible and cinematic moment of them discovering the circlet with the dead aboard the ship ESP in the context of this playlist’s narrative where that was the point they were destined to claim its power and go through their corruption arc - “how does it feel to be your own deceiver?” is the main reason and feeling as for why i made this a dorian song as well in line with “don’t worry i would do anything for my friends.” bc i personally find dorian’s corruption arc to be disillusioned with his own intentions and takes a lot of convincing himself that taking this power for his friends is noble in the scope of this group’s collective morals and self-interest in keeping each other safe and prosperous so <3

15. hollow - woowee dariax corruption, at least in this scope, i think is very frightening to me in that i think he’s going full maximalist, abundant, greedy, impulsive chaotic evil if we’re realllly leaning into a villain arc but still many of those things if we’re just going “this group is the only thing that matters and i’ll do anything for them no matter the cost” - i also think this song has a tone of resentment towards this? apprehension a bit? recognizing that this is how the person singing is but not entirely enjoying or feeling justified in it? as impulsive as dariax is, i think he cares A Lot, and is even a character i could see pulling a reverse dorian and going chaotic good in a different story than we’re in? “so simple when i was younger” and “i’d be a dancer of a different tune” really give me angsty dariax vibes in the height of his corruption arc

16. bad dreams - “don't you worry about your bad dreams cause I'm not in them. don't you worry about what change brings cause you can't stop it.” WOOF i don’t know that this one really needs to be explained but it’s the climax and the descent all in one of the party/corrupted individual being too far gone in their decision to step back or be saved. i think the tone of the song lends itself well to a mixture of uncaring but also giving some question to if they regret it or not based on the narration of the crowd against them.

#cheep cheep #ask #jadeandquartzes #this is ridiculously long i just <333 get so lost in the playlist sauce <333 all the time <333 #if you read all of this i am kissing you on the cheek <3 #spider ment #spider tw

[lady-divine-writes]

Good Omens - I Was Given Four Rules to Follow ... I Broke Every One: Chapter 3/3 (Rated PG13)

Summary: When Warlock Dowling is summoned to the old South Downs cottage of Aziraphale and Crowley to help clean out their attic, presumably after their deaths, he is given four rules to follow.

... He breaks every single one.

Read on AO3.

January 15th –

He opened his eyes!

He opened his eyes and looked at me!

After hours of waiting in the dark and in the cold, despairing every second and wishing I was dead myself, he opened his eyes.

But it came close to being all for naught because I almost died myself right then and there.

It was good to see him with his eyes wide open, but the golden eyes I loved so much are gone. 

These new eyes are white on white, the pupils infinitely dark, the irises torn. They stare without blinking. They look into me, into my soul, it seems. They connect to the love that runs deep within me, to every touch he has ever left on my skin, to every promise we both made. 

But they do not recognize me. 

Am I, at all, familiar to him?

I don’t want to reject him, whether he knows me or not. But those eyes unnerve me.

There’s so much about them that’s innocent and frightened.

So much about them that’s desolate and dead.

We literally spent the morning just looking at one another.

I would give anything to know what’s going on in his mind. 

What does he see when he looks at me? 

I want to reach out and touch him, but I’m afraid. I know it won’t be the same. He won’t be warm, won't be comforting. What could be worse than a dead copy of a once alive and loving creature? I don’t know. 

But whatever this is, it might be. 

He won’t smell like Crowley. He won’t have his cheek, won't have his soothing voice. It’s almost as if I adopted some wild animal and decided to make it my husband.

What have I done?

***

January 16th –

All day long, he tried to move, grunting with the effort of struggling to stand up and get out of bed. He didn’t speak words; he just groaned. I wanted to help him. I wanted to pretend that he was simply convalescing after a horrible illness. I wanted to bathe him and dress him. I wanted to sit him down in front of the television, prop up his feet, and feed him brandy and ice-cream. I wanted to put this chapter behind us and get on with our lives.

I wanted to make believe him dying had never happened.

But I’m not that good an actor.

He behaves exactly the way the old woman warned me he would. He reminds me of a child.

I never wanted children.

This is the ‘in sickness and in health’ part of the marriage package, which I agreed to without hesitation.

Never mind the ‘till death do us part’ portion.

This comes with my vows, and I will honor them.

My love will help him. I know it will.

…

Can I really do this, or am I fooling myself?

***

January 17th –

I’m trying my best to take the bad with the good.

I managed to get him to the living room sofa. His legs were stiff, and he couldn’t seem to bend his knees.

He had been declared dead-on-arrival because of the injury to his neck. But I wonder if anything else is broken. I wasn’t really paying attention to the doctor when he went over the extent of Crowley’s injuries. After I heard the word dead, I tuned out.

I should get a copy of Crowley’s hospital records.

But if his legs are broken, how will I deal with that? Will the potion magically fix everything? It brought him back to life. Could fixing broken legs be more difficult than reanimating a corpse? What is the extent of the potion's effects? Do I need a secondary potion of some kind to repair internal injuries?

Maybe I should call the shopkeeper back and ask.

We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

He stumbled numerous times and fell on me. I did my best not to cringe at his touch or accidentally drop him. But those eyes, so close to mine, were like looking into a nightmare. I could see through them to the veins and arteries behind, the blood inside them black and unhealthy.

The fourth time he stumbled, though, I got the feeling that maybe he was falling on purpose so that I would be forced to catch him.

I even thought I saw the shadow of a smile cross his lips.

I watched him as he sat in front of the TV and renewed his passion for The Golden Girls. That show had been one of his favorites since he was a small boy.

He sat so still. 

He didn’t swallow. 

He didn’t appear to breathe.

The only time he moved was when he looked over to where I sat, I think, to make sure I was still there.

He sat for hours and watched TV. 

There was nothing else for him to do.

I fed him salad for dinner, let him stay in front of the television instead of making him go to the dining room table. I didn’t see any reason to move him. He leaned down and sniffed the cold lettuce leaves, but he did not eat.

Neither did I.

***

January 19th –

After a full day of limping him around the house, Crowley is surprisingly steady on his feet. He can make it from the bedroom to the living room sofa by himself. It takes him a while, but he can do it.

His body is still in rigor, but he seems to be getting more comfortable with it.

I should be jumping for joy at his progress. The more mobile he becomes, the less dependent he will be on me. Every day that he improves, even a little, he is closer to becoming the man he was.

But I don’t know how comfortable I am with that anymore.

***

January 21st -

He doesn’t sleep. And now that he doesn’t rely on me to get around the house, neither do I. I know he sees me as a parent-figure, so he won’t hurt me. But he’s such an alien creature. Not like the old Crowley at all.

It’s strange having this version of him around the house.

When Crowley was

Before the accident, Crowley was so independent. He didn’t need me, didn’t need my help with anything.

But now, he needs to be near me all the time.

I understood there would be a change in our dynamic, but it’s such a striking change that it’s difficult to get used to.

I took a shower for the first time in days. I left him in the living room watching TV, but when I finished and opened the curtain, there he was, standing there … staring.

I fell asleep for about an hour afterward, and when I woke up, he was kneeling beside me, again staring at me.

He’s always staring.

What does he think about doing when he stares at me?

***

January 22nd –

I finally broke down and gave Crowley a shower. He didn’t stink, but there was something about him, something that smelled … well, I can't seem to find the words to describe it. 

I just wanted it gone.

I’ve seen the injuries to his chest numerous times, but I haven't paid much attention to his back.

When I saw them, I almost threw up.

And he noticed. 

He heard me gag. 

I gasped, held in my urge to be sick.

He turned to face me, and for the first time, he had an expression on his face different from his blank one … but also different from that smile I thought I saw when I was helping him walk around the house.

He looked hurt.

***

January 27th -

Each day that he improves, I debate telling our friends that he's here. I know they miss us terribly. But in the end, it would be too cruel. He’s not himself anymore. He never will be. Most days, I curse myself for doing this to him. My motives were selfish. I wasn’t thinking of anyone but myself when I made the decision to bring him back. 

I wasn’t even thinking of him.

Our lives are unrecognizable. We’ll never travel the world like we'd planned. Who knows if I’ll make it back to my bookshop? Should probably shut it down and have my books transported here. The way things look, the rest of our days will be spent in this cottage. 

I have to be okay with that.

But what about Crowley?

If you asked rational me if I think he wants to live this half-life, with no potential to be anything other than a human puppet, who only barely resembles the man that was Anthony J Crowley, I would have to say no. Absolutely not.

But I can’t turn back now.

What am I expected to do? Poison his tea? Smother him in his sleep?

Would attempting to kill him even work?

And what about his soul? 

If there is a Heaven, I surely pulled him out of it with my cock-eyed plan. What if there is no going back for him? 

I can only hope that my love for him is enough to keep him from hating me when he’s able to comprehend what I’ve done to him.

***

February 1st –

I’ve finally gotten him to eat – bits and pieces mostly, bites of vegetables and corners of bread. It doesn’t seem like he likes it, but he eats it, and that’s good. He eats because I tell him to. It shows that he trusts me.

He’s more self-sufficient now. 

He showers and brushes his teeth on his own. He picks out his pajamas and dresses himself. Sometimes he tries his hand at making the bed. He is attempting to be more vocal, but he has yet to say a single thing that isn’t a grunt or a moan.

I’ve been looking up the subject of speech delay on the Internet, trying to find ways to help him learn. I came across one website in particular with fun, creative ideas. I started making flashcards of consonant blends and one-syllable words. I felt so accomplished, so hopeful, like I was actually doing something positive toward the goal of moving us forward. I felt confident that after a little work with them, everything would be all right. I was so excited to show them to him, but then I realized …

… I have no idea if he can read.

***

February 3rd –

I tried calling the old woman at the antique shop in Soho to ask about the effects of the potion, but the phone has been disconnected.

I guess they went out of business after all.

It doesn’t matter. Nothing appears to be broken. Or maybe it’s that he doesn’t feel pain.

I was teaching him how to cook, hoping it would bring a bit of the old Crowley back. We used to cook together all the time. Honestly, we weren't all that good at it, but that didn't stop us from trying. We had just gotten the hang of a decent souffle before ...

Anyway ...

I started him small. 

I had him grating cheese. 

Seemed simple enough. The grater stands on its own, so not much to juggle. But he pressed too hard, ran the grater over the backs of his fingers, scraped off skin. He didn’t so much as flinch. I think it bothered me more than it bothered him. I bandaged it up and, without thinking, I kissed the wound. I looked at him in utter shock …

… and he smiled.

My heart leapt.

It’s so nice to see him smile again. 

I never thought I would.

***

February 4th –

I took off Crowley’s bandage, and his wound from the cheese grater is gone! There’s not a trace of it left!

I guess that answers that question.

I should be relieved, but it bothers me, and I don’t know why.

***

February 21st –

Today was the most unexpectedly intense, depressing, and wonderful day all at once.

It started when Crowley woke this morning. He got up before me and tried to make me crepes. I had no idea why. He hadn't tried to cook by himself before, didn't even show an interest in cooking without me. He burned them, himself, and the stove all in one go. The fire alarm woke me, blaring in my ears. I managed to get to the extinguisher in time, but poor Crowley looked heartbroken over his ruined pan of blackened food.

Then, before lunch, he wanted to go outside. I think he was trying to sneak out, but I caught him jiggling the front doorknob (he has yet to master the bolt - thank God). When I caught him, he slammed his hand on the door in frustration and sprinted for the back one. I followed him, knowing it was locked and that he wouldn’t be able to open it. When I reached him, he was trying to wedge his way out of the old cat flap. (Note to self - board up the cat flaps! I don’t know why we kept them. We’ve never owned a cat.) 

I patted him gently on the shoulder and asked him what he needed. He stood up and groaned, moving his mouth and wiggling his tongue, making nonsensical sounds. When he couldn’t say what he needed to, he pointed out the window to the garden. I assumed he wanted to check on his dahlias. I’m a disaster with flowers, and, unfortunately, I haven’t been able to keep them up the way he could. 

Of course, it's one degree outside. The poor things are frozen solid. They're not even flowers any longer, I don't think, but the frigid remains of what they once were.

But he’d had yet to show any interest in them, either, before today. 

I shrugged, repeated that I didn’t understand. He pointed more forcefully, jabbing at the window with his index finger.

“I don’t know what you're trying to tell me, my dear,” I said. “Do you want to go for a walk?” 

I've taken him walking around Soho a few times. I've been trying to tie up loose ends, decide if selling the bookshop is the road to take. I wrapped him up in a full-length coat and scarf with just his eyes peeking out. I guess he enjoyed it, but he’d never asked to go outside. He shook his head and pointed again, this time at the dying rose bushes that I hadn’t had time to deadhead. I didn’t get it. I shook my head, and he stormed off to the bedroom.

I followed him there, but he blocked the door.

I could hear him inside, moaning. It was horrible. It sounded like pain and embarrassment and frustration, all rolled together. And I couldn’t help him.

He wouldn’t let me.

I tried to lure him out several times, but he didn’t come out till dinner time.

And when he did, he was dressed in a black Bergdorf suit.

Crowley has dozens of expensive black suits, and he looks stunning in all of them.

But this suit.

This suit in particular.

This suit had been hanging front and center in his closet.

Because it was the suit I had planned on burying him in.

It threw me for a loop, dragging me kicking and screaming back to that day I found out he had died, before I’d decided to try bringing him back, before I knew that I could. I took out the suit to air it. I guess I hadn’t put it back with the others because there it was, standing before me with the living corpse of my husband inside.

The sight took all the air out of my lungs.

“Take it off,” I said quietly, trying not to alarm him, but how was I supposed to explain to my somewhat dead husband that I didn’t want to see him dressed in the suit I had planned on putting him in the ground in?

He looked confused and shook his head, opening his mouth and groaning.

“Please, Crowley,” I begged, hoping he would hear my anguish and understand, “take it off.”

He stomped his foot and shook his head, the way a petulant child would. It should have been cute, but I couldn’t handle it. I've had issues getting used to his looks lo these many weeks, but for the first time since he came back to me, he looked dead.

“Take it off!” I screamed. I ran at him, grabbed the lapels, trying to tear it off his body. He held me, pinned my arms, and I could feel his renewed strength. I hadn’t really let him touch me before, but now I knew that if he wanted to, he could probably hurt me.

I stared up at him, realizing that he was hovering above me, and I was lying on my back on the floor. My heart stopped. He had never looked menacing before. Even in death, he seemed so innocent. But now, he looked like a monster. He had a piece of paper balled in his grasp, and he tried to make me look at it, but I couldn’t take my eyes away from his face – pale and cold and lifeless, regardless of the fact that he was my Crowley.

He stared at me, trying to speak.

It hit me like a pile of bricks.

Speak.

That’s exactly what he was doing. 

His lips were moving in exaggerated, grotesque ways that shouldn’t be able to turn sound into words, but they were.

“A … Az … Azi …”

Crowley blinked and shook his head.

“Azir …”

“Aziraphale?” I asked in awe that he was trying to say my name.

Crowley laughed. It was a glorious, hollow, frankly frightening sound, but I couldn’t help smiling when I heard it. He put his fingers to my lips. 

I guess he didn’t want me to steal his thunder.

“Azzzir-uh-phale,” he said, smacking his lips. “I … lo … I lov …” Crowley swallowed again, closing his eyes, trying to make the words in his head match the movement of his lips. “I … love … you … Azzzir-uh-phale.”

Crowley tapped again at the paper on the floor. This time I did what he wanted and looked. He had torn off the current page from the calendar and was poking at a box circled shakily in red. I peered down at it.

I could have cried.

“Our ... our anniversary?” I asked, looking into his broken eyes. He sighed, nodding.

It was our anniversary.

He’d wanted to make me breakfast in bed … for our anniversary.

He’d wanted to get me roses … for our anniversary.

My husband had wanted to do something nice for me … for our anniversary.

My husband had spent all day teaching himself how to say, “I love you, Aziraphale,” because there was nothing else he could do for me.

My husband remembered our anniversary ...

... even when I had not.

***

June 4th -

Five months-ish later…

I can’t believe it! 

I cannot believe it!

Five months later and we’ve made it! Despite the odds. Despite the difficulties and the heartaches. Despite every time I thought about giving up, here we are.

Happy.

Together.

We spend our days wrapped in each other’s arms. We watch TV. I read books out loud - he sits and listens. Crowley is re-learning how to drive, and I’m on the hunt for a new Bentley. Our lives might not be what they were before, but they’re perfect for us.

We’ve managed to go to the city more, spent a few glorious nights at our flat in Mayfair. We've even interacted with one or two of our old friends. It's a wonder what some foundation and blusher can accomplish! I told them it was a medical miracle, and they believed me.

Because that's what Crowley is.

A miracle!

Okay, maybe I am tempting fate. But maybe fate needs to be tempted from time to time! 

His vocabulary has expanded immensely, and a hint of his old suave confidence has come back, along with the muddy accent I so often teased him about.

I am finally at a point where I am optimistic about the future.

Because I’m beginning to think that there might actually be one for us.

***

August 13th –

I woke this morning to a strange squealing noise. At first, I thought it might be the smoke alarm again - odd since we got the cooking situation sorted, I thought. The longer I listened to it, the more I realized it wasn’t the smoke alarm. It didn’t sound familiar at all, so I didn’t worry too much about it. As long as an errant sheep didn’t get hit by a car, there was really no reason to jump out of bed and investigate. After a few minutes of listening to the goings-on outside, I determined that wasn’t the case, so I considered going back to sleep.

But then I noticed that Crowley wasn’t laying beside me in bed.

That isn’t too unusual. He’s normally the first one up on any given day. I just curl back into a ball holding his pillow to my chest until he returns.

He always returns.

The squealing wasn’t really that weird. I’ve thought for the last few months that we might have rats. Or squirrels. Or possums. I’ve heard that same squealing a few times before. But seeing as I can’t find any evidence of rodent-caused destruction anywhere in the house, I haven’t been too aggressive about hunting it down.

My stomach began to growl. I guessed I had been asleep for longer than I thought. Instead of returning to bed, I decided to make some waffles for breakfast. So I got up and went out into the kitchen.

That’s where I found Crowley.

He was crouching on the floor …

… covered in blood …

… biting into the spine of what used to be a raggedy old Maine coon …

I looked at him.

He looked at me.

He grinned his old, sly grin, licked his bloody lips, and said, "Hello, Aziraphale. Can I get you a cuppa tea? I know just how you like it."

He winked at me, and my heart stuttered.

…

I may have a problem.

***

Those are the last words on the page.

A page where the ink is smeared from tears, and the edges crusted in blood.

I haven’t seen Aziraphale or Crowley in decades. They used to send the occasional letter, but those stopped a while ago, and they never call. But something tells me neither of them ever left this house alive.

I’m afraid my time, too, has run out. I came to this house alone. But huddled in the darkest corner of the attic, I hear footsteps coming closer, a sour voice on the wind calling my name …

Ka-thunk …

“Warlock …”

…

Ka-thunk …

“Warlock …”

…

Ka-thunk …

“Warlock …”

…

KA-THUNK!!

***

“Warlock Dowling!” Crowley calls, barging into the attic, footsteps heavy on the worn floorboards. “Are you recording another one of those Clip-Clop thingies again?”

“It’s TikTok, Nanny,” Warlock replies, rolling his eyes, “and no. I’m reading a story for my YouTube channel.”

“Well … you done getting a costume together or wot?” Crowley asks, changing the subject, saving face that he actually understands anything Warlock just said. “Adam and his hooligans are gonna be here in a minute. Aziraphale is gonna have kittens if you’re not ready to go Tricks or Treats!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Warlock says, gathering up his camera. He loves Halloween with a passion, but he’d been eyeing this one journal in Aziraphale’s bookshop for some time now. This video he’s been putting together promises to be epic - the crowning achievement of his burgeoning story channel. Most horror story channels get their material from the Creepypasta Reddit, but he has a unique source of original material … when he can get out to Soho, that is. “I’m coming.” He pulls the lapels of the leather jacket he’s borrowing for the evening together in front to tighten it up. 

It’s slim fit as it used to be Crowley’s from back in the day, but thirteen-year-old Warlock still swims in it. 

Warlock marches to the door under Crowley’s watchful eye. Before he can make his way through, Crowley stops him, slipping a hand underneath the jacket and rescuing an extraneous prop - an antique journal.

“Have you been snoopin’ through Angel’s old manuscripts again?” Crowley asks, wiping the cover clean. “You know how he feels bout that.”

“I know,” Warlock admits sheepishly, “but my audience loves them! I get thousands of hits off his stories! Besides, I put my own twist on them, freshen them up a bit.”

“Do you now?” Crowley asks with an unamused eyebrow notched.

“Why didn't he get them published?” Warlock shifts gears before the lecturing can start. “He’s an amazing writer!”

“He had his reasons,” Crowley mumbles, flipping through the pages. After skimming a passage or two, he puts it down on a pile of similar journals, a shiver sliding down his snakey spine. “Oof! Those things’ll give you nightmares.”

“They should terrify you. He’s murdered you in every single one!”

“Ah, but he does it with love.” Crowley grins wide enough to swallow his whole face. “It’s an honor.” 

#good omens #good omens fanfiction #tricketyboo2020 #ineffable husbands #ineffable lovers #aziraphale #crowley #crowley x aziraphale #aziraphale x crowley

[coltonslim]

SAVE A HORSE, RIDE A COWBOY → COLCEY

TAGGING → Colton Slim & Lacey J  L'Horloge ( @laceyjean )

TIMELINE → September 1, 2021

SETTING → The ASU stables

SUMMARY → The adrenaline starts pumping during a simple horseback riding lesson when the student, Colton, goes headfirst into a river, leaving his teacher, Lacey J, to try and make sure he doesn’t die. They get wet, will they get wild too?

"Yee haw!" Colton yelled, his hands gripping the reins of the horse he was as they trotted a little behind Lacey J and her horse at a leisurely pace as she guided them around the stables. He knew that Lacey J was probably rolling her eyes fondly at the cowboyism but he couldn't help himself! He was too excited to be there, actually on horseback. It made him feel like even more of a cowboy, which wasn't easy to do since he was constantly wearing a flannel and jeans and boots and his signature hat. How lucky he was to have a friend who knew how to ride horses and didn't mind teaching him. Learning didn't come the most natural to Colton, but Lacey J was a smart lady and that made him feel like she couldn't steer him wrong.

"How do I get this here pretty boy to go even faster?" he asked her, adjusting his hat to shade his eyes from the sun better. "Come on, little lady, I survived getting on the horse and getting him to listen to me! It's time to step on it!"

Lacey J quickly glanced down at her watch as soon as Colton started to yell. She’d been making predictions on how long it would take for him to yee his first haw ever since they’d agreed on riding together and Colton had actually outlasted her earliest prediction by a good couple of minutes, mostly because she’d guessed that he’d have started up as soon as his butt hit the saddle but after he’d managed to do that without screaming head off, she was surprised to hear him do it before they could even move on to the fun part of riding.

Even though Lacey J took her teaching seriously and wanted to make sure Colton knew what he was doing on his horse before they moved past a trot, she hated going slow more than anything in the world and was more than eager to speed things up. So when Colton asked how he could make his horse go even faster, Lacey J didn’t even bother to think about it before turning her horse around to show him what he was supposed to do to make the horse speed up.

“I know I’ve told you not to call me little lady.” She reminded him as she maneuvered her own horse to be right next to his so that Colton could see everything he was supposed to do. Once she was finished demonstrating what he was supposed to do, Lacey J looked over at Colton looking to see if he seemed like he understood what she had been talking about. “You got all that, right? Because if you fuck up so bad that he ends up throwing you and then trampling all over your head, I’m just going to laugh because you’ll deserve it.”

The fact that Lacey J could expertly maneuver her horse right next to his wasn't lost on Colton. He found it mighty impressive, the way she'd clearly tamed something so untamable. He was admiring it so much in fact that he almost missed her calling him out on not using her name or whatever and he shrugged, a big smile on his face. "My apologies, ma'am. You're lucky I'm not calling you 'cowgirl' with how natural you look on that filly."

With that, he focused himself on actually paying attention to what Lacey J was trying to teach him instead of just appreciating her on general, and he nodded, not because he was sure he'd understood it all, but because he wanted to get it right on the first try and impress her. "Got it! Don't worry yourself over my pretty head, ma'am. I'm a cowboy, after all." Colton winked at her as he said that, screamed out a YEEHAW, and lifted his hat before following her instructions to make his horse know it was time to run!

It was something that would've been infinitely cooler if he clearly didn't do it wrong. The horse sped up, all right, but erratically, as if being chased by a serpent or something equally insane! Colton held on to the reins as tight as he could, his thighs clenching onto to the horse in a desperate attempt not to fall as his YEE HAW had trailed off into a wordless yell. He was enjoying himself still though, almost, despite it all. He was still smiling as he spotted an upcoming river and he pulled the reins as tight as he could to avoid a watery fate.

Unfortunately, all that did was cement it as the horse finally had enough and bucked Colton off into the rushing body of water, his cowboy hat not serving as much of a helmet as his head hit the rocks.

Lacey J could barely finish rolling her eyes at Colton’s stupid cowboyisms and yeehawing before realizing something was terribly wrong. She tried to take off after him, but even as she started to catch up, she knew the best thing she could do for him would be to make sure he didn’t die when he inevitably did get thrown off. A thought that instantly made Lacey J feel a sharp pang of guilt as she recalled the last thing she’d said to him before he took off. Even though Colton never took her mean words seriously, it wouldn’t matter that much if he actually died.

But before Lacey J could dwell on that thought even longer, Colton was going head first into the river. Dismounting as quickly as possible, Lacey J made sure her phone was out of her pocket before jumping in the water after him.

It was a rough rescue considering that it was a quickly moving river and  Lacey J didn’t have any real rescuing experience outside of the lifeguard certification she’d gotten freshman year of high school as a class requirement, but she’d remembered enough about head injuries to hope the entire time she pulled Colton (and his stupid hat) out of the water that maybe having one would be the least of his worries. Lacey J wasn’t confident enough in her head splinting abilities to think that if his injuries extended down to his neck or  his spine, he wouldn’t be completely screwed.

Once she got him on land, Lacey J checked for breathing before going into what she hoped would pass for effective CPR because at some point between chest compressions and breathing for him, she’d started to panic cry and could barely see him through her blurred vision. “God Colton, just fucking wake up already.”

Colton had grown up with a dad who hit him on the head any time he said something stupid, which according to his dad was basically every time he talked, so the sensation of his head hitting the river was nothing too crazy or new. It did make him feel weaker though, and it was already hard enough keeping up with the rushing water; he'd never learned to swim, so it wasn't long before the river pushed him down and held him down until he couldn't really see or think anymore. Even that didn't feel so bad. It was almost like falling asleep, to sweet dreams about horses and cowgirls and candy and riding into a giant sunset, before it all just kind of went dark.

And then it was light again, all at once. There was still water weighing his eyelashes down but he saw a blurry Lacey J above him, rising up and away from his face, and for a split second, the memory of everything they'd done that day so far came rushing back to him and a smile washed over him. Then the water he hadn't realized he'd swallowed came back up and he turned as fast as he could to the side so he could cough it all out without getting any of it on her. It took a while but when he was done, he wiped his mouth with his soaked sleeve, not realizing that didn't make a huge difference, since he was covered with water everywhere.

It wasn't the first time Colton had lost consciousness because of some accident or another, not by a long shot, so he wasn't too freaked out by it all, but Lacey J didn't seem as cool and collected as she usually did, so he wondered if it was her first time dealing with something like that. He reached out almost without thinking to grab one of her hands, kind of as a way to thank her, kind of as a way to calm them both down, and smiled. "Well now, who knew you were some kinda superhero, Miss Lacey Jean?" he almost laugh, his voice hoarse still from coughing. "Something tells me I did that last part wrong, huh?"

Lacey J’s relief over Colton’s survival only lasted about as long as it took for him to be able to talk again and basically confirm that he wasn’t a quaddruplegic since he could at least grab onto her hand. Something about his ability to joke about it so quickly made Lacey J really angry and kind of embarrassed for getting so upset, which only made her even angrier.  Lacey J wrenched her hand out of Colton’s before picking up his soaking wet hat and starting to hit him in the chest with it repeatedly, her rage completely replacing her previous concern for his spine.

“SOMETHING TELLS YOU? You’re kidding me right? You literally almost drown in front of me because you just couldn’t listen to me and do things right and now you can make jokes!” Lacey J was mostly missing more aims at Colton than making any actual contact, so she was mostly just splashing him but she wasn’t actually that concerned with the violence so much as just making her point. “What is wrong with you!?”

Colton blinked and all but missed the split second it took Lacey J to start hitting him, but he didn't mind it too much. He knew that scared people acted out more than non-scared people did, like his dad who felt all small and weak once he was put on the Isle, and Lacey J had definitely been scared just now. He'd seen it in her eyes. And besides, it's not like it hurt; it was mostly having water sprinkled on his face and a few hits, and after almost drowning, it really felt like nothing.

It did start eventually getting annoying though, and he didn't quite feel like using his voice to tell her to stop, so one of Colton's hands shot up and gripped Lacey J's wrist. "Nothing's wrong with me!" he said maybe a little too loudly, looking right at her face. "Nothing's wrong with me because of you! You saved me and I was just trying to make you laugh because I didn't want you to be scared. After you made sure I was okay, me making sure you're okay is the least I could do, ma'am. My apologies!"

Lacey J was a little taken aback by Colton grabbing her wrist and then a LOT aback when he started talking. When Colton started joking as soon as he regained consciousness, Lacey J had taken it as another stupid boy thing. Like Colton was just being so dumb again that he couldn’t even take almost dying seriously. She hadn’t considered at all that he had been joking to make her feel better. After all who does that? Almost DIE and immediately try to make someone else less afraid? But it wasn’t that hard of a question to answer. Of course Colton would do that! As empty as his head always seemed to be, it was exceedingly obvious that his heart was more than big enough to make up for double the space.

Lacey J opened and closed her mouth a couple times to try and formulate a response to that, but after the third time of trying and failing to produce one word, Lacey J did the next best thing her brain could come up with and leaned down to press her lips against Colton’s. She didn’t know if she was doing it as a thank you, an apology for trying to beat him with his own hat, a weird amount of latent and rather inappropriate horniness or some bizarre combination of them all but she wasn’t trying to figure that out now.

Once she’d finished, Lacey J hopped up, wiped some of the excess river water off of her mouth and semi calmly walked back to where the horses were waiting without trying to help Colton up too. “I think we should just walk them back. I don’t really have time to save you from the river twice, Okay?”

Colton didn't usually yell at people, and Lacey J seemed like she got mighty mad at him even when he was being his regular pleasant self, so he kind of expected her to slap him or something, especially with how much her heart was probably still racing after that rescue. What he definitely didn't anticipate was a kiss, but just because he didn't anticipate it didn't mean it wasn't welcome. He was a healthy, hot-blooded Auradonian young man, and Lacey J was prettier than a cow's eyes, after all. He'd have been hungry for this kiss even if he hadn't almost just died. It took no time at all for him to drop his grip on her wrist and move his hand to the side of her face, guiding them both into a deeper kiss.

He let her pull away, his head almost as light again as when he'd originally been pulled from the river, as a wide smile cracked over his face as she started walking away. Colton pushed himself to his feet and wondered if there was something wrong with him for being semi-hard after nearly meeting the reaper, but then cut himself some slack as he followed her. "Sounds good to me. I'm thinking I've done enough riding for one day anyway," he chuckled, nearing the kind critter who'd bucked him off earlier and stroking her mane before gently grabbing the reins and leading her away. "Though if that's how you save my life every time, it's not that bad," he added, unable to help himself.

“That is not how I’ll save your life every time.” Lacey J rolled her eyes even though she was blushing hard enough to give away that she wasn’t as unaffected by the kiss as she was trying to pretend she was. She led the way back to the stables in silence for a little while before speaking again. “As nice as that last part was, I don’t want to have to save you again. We’re going to have to practice a lot more before I let you attempt so much as a trot.

"Mighty shame," Colton drawled, trying not to get too cocky and failing miserably. The truth was he was all hopped up on adrenaline and whatever other chemicals were released from kissing a girl that was finer than a hog's hair split four way, and her being all pink in the face got him blushing too. He walked after her quietly, which just let him hear how hard his heart was pumping blood all over his body. He wondered if Lacey J could hear it from where she was and found himself hoping she could. Maybe then she'd know how much he liked all this.

"Yes, ma'am," he complied, all but glowing from her calling that last part 'nice'. Nice. It was such a short word but it went such a long way with him, and Colton was sure he'd be smiling all day after this till he fell asleep and maybe even after then because of it. "I can handle a lot more practice, so long as it's with you. Don't know if you've noticed, but I really like you, Lacey Jean. Being round you's a treat and a half for me, no matter what we do... or don't do."

Lacey J did not expect Colton to say anything that came out of his mouth other than the first ‘Yes, Ma’am’ and it practically took all the strength in her body not to let her jaw drop in response. She had NOT noticed that Colton really liked her. She knew he liked her fine enough to let her teach him things and not be completely put off when she was being bitchy to him and she knew he liked her enough to kiss her back without complaint after she basically jumped him. But enough that hanging out with her was a ”treat and a half, no matter what they did”  and he had to specifically spell it out for her? That was enough to send a thrill through Lacey J that was strong enough that she was sure she actually shivered a little.

“I really like you too, Colton.” She answered back with an ease that genuinely surprised herself. She didn’t usually admit to liking anyone much outside of like her best friends, Neil deGrasse Tyson and any animal ever. “And um.. when I said I wasn’t going to save your life like that again, I didn’t mean I don’t want to kiss you again. I just meant we could do that without you having to die first, if you actually were interested in doing that again ever, I mean. If you didn’t, I’m more than fine with not doing things ever again too!”

If she couldn't hear his heart before then, Lacey J probably could now, because when she said she liked him too, that damn organ started pounding like a drum. Colton knew in his heart that she had to like him some to spend time around him or talk to him at all -- he wasn't the brightest or best at nothing, so anyone who chose to be around him had to appreciate something -- but he never thought she'd say so, especially not so openly. It made it impossible not to smile wider than a buffalo's backside. "Woooooooo doggie!" he whisper-shouted to himself in celebration, biting his grin so it didn't grow so big that it swallowed his face.

There was no way to avoid the pain of a too-big smile though once Lacey J continued. The red on his face deepened as the blood rushed back up to his head and he had to hold himself back from dropping his horse's reins and taking Lacey J in his arms right then and there. "Lacey Jean, I couldn't be more interested in doing that again. Now, I meant it when I said I'd be fine never doing that again, because hanging with you is good regardless. That said, I also mean it when I say I'd do that or even more anywhere, any time with you if you wanted. Matter of fact, I haven't quit thinking bout doing that or more since we stopped."

If Lacey J could’ve blushed even harder, she absolutely would’ve when Colton whisper shouted like she wasn’t close enough to have heard him clearly. It was such a shockingly nice moment that Lacey J just had to surreptitiously pinch herself just to make sure she hadn’t fallen off her horse and knocked herself out somehow while they just had been trotting around the stables and had been dreaming everything since then.

Even after the pinch it felt so unreal that all Lacey J could offer as a response to everything Colton said was a stupid grin and an even doofier sounding “Good to know!” before she said anything else that would probably make her feel like even more of a simp over a boy that had literally just gotten himself thrown into a river for riding improperly.

As they approached the stables Lacey J felt strangely electric as she anticipated what might happen after they were no longer holding on to their respective horses. Now that she knew that Colton hadn’t stopped thinking about kissing or more since the kiss had ended, Lacey J couldn’t stop thinking about it too. Especially the more part.

Colton felt a surge of confidence rush through his body, warm and prickly like lightning, at that smile of hers. Dang, that smile. Pretty girls were going to be the death of him but damn it if he wasn't going to die a happy man. "Good to know," he echoed, letting it sink in that she didn't seem to have any problems with where his mind was. Maybe that meant hers wasn't too far off from there too. Now, Colton didn't consider himself a smart man by any means, but one thing that he thought he was pretty good at was knowing if the mood was right, and right now it definitely wasn't wrong.

Once they were both in the stables, the fun thick tension between them got even stronger, and he was full of a real jittery energy as he walked his horse back to their stall. It was the kind of energy that came from possibilities and knowing anything could happen. He couldn't just rely on that energy though, not if he wanted to give Lacey J the experience she deserved.

"So..." Colton started, "when I said I'd do that again anywhere, I meant anywhere. A stable included. So unless you'd rather save it for somewhere else, let me know right now, or else as soon as I let go of this critter, I'm picking you up and I'm not putting you down for a good, long time."

Lacey J’s jaw really dropped that time. She was about three thousand percent sure that she’d never heard anything sexier in her entire life and considering she wasn’t above reading all kinds of erotica, that was really saying something.

“Fuck, that was so hot. Why was that so hot?” Lacey J spluttered, as she tried to quickly unsaddle her horse on weakened knees. “But yeah, here works. Here would be great!” As eager as she was to let Colton make good on his words as soon as possible, she could never let a poor horse get neglected in the meantime.   Besides, it didn’t actually take THAT long to do, it just felt long because she was much more interested in undoing Colton’s pants than the buckle of the horse’s reins.

Before Colton could tell her that it was so hot because she was so hot, Lacey J had already agreed and it made him speed up the process even more. He'd never unsaddled a horse before but it was almost like a horniness-induced super power that his fingers were able to work fast enough and make quick work of it. In what felt like both no time at all and too much time, he'd left his horse comfortable in her stall with the door closed safely behind him, which meant he was able to focus on more urgent matters. He'd genuinely loved riding the horse but he had a feeling there was about to be an even better kind of riding happening any second.

The horses were both taken care of, which meant he and Lacey J were ready to go. He looked at her and really took a moment to appreciate her as she stood in front of him, all wet and wild and beautiful, before tossing his hat to the side and rushing up to her, confidently recapturing her mouth in a kiss. It felt like it'd been forever since he'd been this close to someone, and his hands worked their way down the curves of her body, relishing in the feel of her and the sparks flying between their bodies as he pulled them closer together.

He pulled back for a breath and started kissing down Lacey J's neck instead as he reached between them to unbutton and remove his flannel he'd been wearing on top of his tank top. He wasn't sure exactly how far they were going to go but he knew he wanted to let her know that if she wanted clothes to come off, that'd be more than fine with him. "Reckon it's a good time to get out of these wet clothes," he sighed against her skin.

With all the time she felt like she’d been taking, Lacey J was surprised to find that she and Colton had finished with their horses in roughly the same amount of time, but she didn’t have much mental bandwidth left to figure out out how that happened because the way Colton looked at her before rushing up to kiss her quickly pushed any thought that WASN’T about how much she wanted him into the background.

Even though she had to stand on the absolute tips of her toes to meet his lips now that they were kissing standing straight up, Lacey J easily melted into the kiss and the feeling of his hands on her body. Colton was such a good kisser and she really could’ve spent the entire afternoon right where she was in his arms, but before she got too comfortable Colton stopped kissing her to make a suggestion that was much more exciting than what was already arguably the best kiss of her life.

“Oh yeah.” She agreed, nodding like it was the most casual thing in the world and her heart wasn’t absolutely leaping from her chest with anticipation at what might come next now that clothes were coming off. “Cold water drains body heat up to 25 times faster than cool air and paired with the fact that you almost drowned in a river with who knows what kind of germs in there, you’d be lucky if you don’t wind up dead anyway.” It wasn’t the sexiest thing in the world she could’ve said, but it was definitely on brand. But before she could completely kill the mood, Lacey J pulled her wet t-shirt over her head, revealing her simple green bralette before she started working on the buttons on her shorts. “But I can think of one way to get you all warmed up before you croak.”  

Colton's brain had a hard enough time keeping up with someone as smart as Lacey J on a regular day, but right now, with all the blood rushing down south, she could've been saying damn near anything and it would've sounded hot. He thought she said something about being lucky though, and he chuckled against her neck at what an understatement that was. They pulled apart long enough for her shirt to come off and his eyes widened at the sight of it. "Shoot, lucky's right" he whistled lowly, shaking his head as he peeled off his wet tank top, his muscles beneath glistening with leftover river water. "Look at you. I'm the luckiest boy in the world!"

His fingers fumbled with his belt buckle, hurrying to get it off so that he could pull his pants down as quickly as possible. He couldn't be more excited to be ready to kiss every part of Lacey J his mouth could reach, hold her tight, and show her exactly how wild she drove him. "If that's the way I go, I'm going to die a happier man," Colton promised, reaching down and lifting her up as easily as if she weighed nothing, holding her high and tight as he ravenously kissed her again, fully determined to stay attached to her in one way or another for the next however long he could.

#para #lacey j #para: lacey j #para: save a horse ride a cowboy

[electricaddict]

A Note To Parents

I originally wanted to elaborate on each sentence and turn them all into paragraphs explaining about each main sentence but I'm not too sure thats going to happen (to all of them at least), but I mean if I get to it I get to it. The thoughts will come to me at some point.

Kind of a backstory for this. I saw something on pinterest about parents treating their kids wrong (not the first time) and I had to go on a tangent for a whole day because I couldn't stop thinking about it. This is basically a guide I'm making for people, I guess parents, to remind them that their children are people too. They aren't stupid and they do not deserve to be treated any less than you would treat someone your age. I say this is called A Note to Parents because others can use this but I kind of want to shove this in my parents' faces. I know I could never do that so here I am, writing it out, for all of wattpad to read. Enjoy :)

Dear Parents

Children deserve love. They do not deserve to be tossed aside as unable and stupid. Even as babies, at a certain age you should still have fun with them and allow for their imaginations to run wild, but they do not deserve to be treated like they do not understand what a rock is.  The early years of the mind should be used as a time of learning and growth, obtaining a grasp on the world and how to handle situations, along with expressing their imaginations and enjoying themselves. Children do not need to be strong, they need to be safe.

Their premature years should be cherished and nurtured to assist in the development of the new generation. They are vulnerable little minds that wander the biggest things, or constantly ramble about the paint spot on a shirt. Minds are impressionable and should be supported and framed into an empty canvas. Be their easel. Provide them with the love and care to give them the confidence to ask questions and live independently when they are ready. Set up the paints and give them the brush, let them mold their own opinions and ideals to become the person they strive to be. They do not owe you anything when it comes to who you want them to be. You may dream of them becoming a lawyer but if they do not want what you want for them, do not lash out at them. Support them in their decisions.

Teach them to love one another for who they are and not what they look like. Covers should not be the source of judgement. Everyone should be appreciated for who they are and not what they look like. The image of people in the eyes of society are so twisted, if you judge your own child and hold them to the standards of what the public thinks, you disgust me. The idea of self image has been lost in the desire every person has to look all exactly like the same skinny, tan girl with a perfect complexion or the toned muscle guy with great abs. No person is going to be exactly the same. Everyone has something different physically. They need to learn that their hair is perfect the way it is, their body is their choice and they deserve to decide what happens to it. The only time any sort of action should be taken is if the child is not healthy due to their physical shape. If they are perfectly healthy, but are a few pounds more than other people their age, remind them that you love them how they are and they do not have to meet society's expectations. The ideas of the public eye are unreasonable and are not required to be met in any way. Prove to them that scars and imperfections are okay. Embrace the acne or the eczema; flaunt the imperfections your body has and give them an example to follow.

Show them to problem solve and ask for help when finding an issue in daily or academic life. Give them respect, their minds are brilliant and infinite. Their knowledge is not defined by the grades they bring home from school. Every person in the world does not excel in STEM classes. If they need help, reassure them that it is okay to ask for help and there is nothing to be ashamed of. Embarrassment might be an obstacle, but show them that not everyone is perfect, and not understanding something in science or english is okay.

Speak with them as if they have a brain; they are not dogs. Young minds are brilliant. There are children who think of solutions to any world problem but they are not listened to due to the fact that they are a child. Listen to them. Give them a space to vent or speak their mind and listen. Have a conversation with them about their thoughts and ideas; assist in the expansion and development of their thoughts so they can grow into strong individuals.

Praise them for fixing even the slightest inconvenience or performing the simplest task. Show them that they do not have to be scared about the mistakes they make. Remind them that people are human and they are able to make mistakes. There may be consequences, but be there with them to handle the problems. Give them options to decide on how they want to fix the problem and provide them with the proper knowledge to deal with the situation.

Allow them to explore the world, along with its problems and dark alleys.

Counsel them, provide them knowledge with substances or situations to avoid. Your child should not be scared to confront you or ask you about something going on in their life. If they are, there is something wrong and you should strive to fix it. Do not leave them in the dark, help to prepare them for situations to come, whether they be good or bad. Assist in experience and bring them to places; give their mind space and time to reflect on your words and let them work on themselves from there.

Comfort them in times of stress, let them know it is okay to cry. Do not tell your boy that it is not good for him to cry. Everyone is allowed to be upset and vulnerable. Make sure they are aware that their home is a safe place and that

Encourage them to stay strong and stand for themselves and what is right. Do not agree with the idea of sitting down and avoiding standing up for themselves. Their voice deserves to be heard by you and all others, help them to project their voice and allow them to state their own opinion. Go against any negativity towards others, each person comes from their own teachings and lifestyle, do not criticize someone until you know their backgrounds. If your child decides to stand up for something, provide them with the materials they need to get their voice out there. Permit their ability to receive criticism and see the views of the public; let them see for themselves how others think and act.

Support them despite their decisions, their mind will not be the same as yours.

Love them for who they are, whether it is your opinion or not. A child is an individual. They have their own thoughts and emotions, you both do not have the same expression view or sexuality. If your daughter comes out as trans, congrats! Its a boy! If your daughter comes out as gay, do not call her a dyke and assume she just goes and has threesomes with random people. Respect who they love and who they want to spend their life with. All that should matter to you is that your child is happy. Take them to pride parades, pay for their gender therapy, support your child for who they want to be, and support their happiness.

Provide them with the tools to grow into healthy and happy adults.

Expect for them to make mistakes. No child is perfect and you should not feel obligated to put pressure on them. They are not adults and they do not deserve to be thought of as your second chance to do something right.

#mentalwellness #parents #living #wellbeing #coming of age #selfcare

[fyexo]

200924 SuperM Talk 'Super One' & Finding Unity In The Covid Era

Last year, K-pop group SuperM made history when their self-titled debut EP premiered at No. 1 on the Billboard 200 album chart. A miscellany of a boy band featuring seven cornerstones from four different acts signed to South Korean company SM Entertainment, the newly formed act’s star power and the virality of their immensely memeable first single "Jopping" made them a must-watch act of 2020. Now, they’re back with their first LP, Super One.

Out on Sept. 25, SuperM's first full-length album features 15 tracks, some that listeners have heard before, like pre-release singles "100" and "Tiger Inside," and B-sides like "Dangerous Woman" and "With You" that the act has performed in the past during concerts and televised performances. Split almost evenly between songs that are performed predominantly in either English or Korean and fronted by the lead track "One," a blend of two B-sides, "Monster" and "Infinity," Super One is all about meshing different elements together, whether it’s members of SHINee, EXO, NCT 127 and WayV into one whole, or running the gamut of different genres and languages in ways that are all at once familiar and innovative for members of some of K-pop's biggest acts.

Throughout all the multitudes of Super One, however, is one overall theme—serving up a soundtrack perfect for the age of corona. "I think we tried really hard to unify the messaging through the lyrics and through that bring a message of hope and unity to our fans and everyone who listens to it," said Taemin, the most senior member of the group, active in the industry since debuting with the group SHINee in 2008.

Coming out since the world first began reeling from the changes and ongoing impacts of the global COVID-19 pandemic, Super One spends its length motivating listeners through a freewheeling medley of energetic, vibrant electro-pop anthems and mellowing out to offer up lackadaisical, breezy moments on hopeful tracks. Whether it’s the optimistic, sweet bounce of "Better Days" and "Wish You Were Here" or the hint of separate-but-together partying euphoria on "Together at Home" and the smooth sexiness of the groove on "Drip" serving up the type of confidence that comes with good times, SuperM have delivered an album that is oh-so-very 2020 but will live long beyond December.

This interview was edited for clarity, and conducted in both English and Korean.

You’re about to release Super One into the world, following the release of "100" and "Tiger Inside." How does it feel to be sharing your first LP after last year’s debut EP?

Mark: We feel really thrilled to let the whole world see it. We’ve prepared a lot for it. “100” and “Tiger Inside” were just the singles that only lead up to the main album, so we’re pretty excited.

Taeyong: Because we’ve been working on this first full-length album for such a long time, we think it’s that much more meaningful for everyone. We were really thinking of our fans when we were putting this all together. Because we released two singles ahead of the release, we hope our fans and everyone will have the same and rising expectations for “One.” We hope everyone receives a lot of strength and positive vibes through this album.

What is the meaning of Super One to you?

Mark: We believe that it is very appropriate for the situation that the whole world is going through, the message that we have. Not only are we trying to say that we can overcome all of our problems and all these difficulties as we work together, we also believe that—if you see in the album, there are a lot of songs in the playlist where it has an encouraging message. We just want to spread positivity around the world and really bring hope to the listeners, saying, "We can overcome it all." With that positive message, we really want to bring everyone together. That’s pretty much how we, SuperM, were brought together as well. Though we may be all scattered in different ways, when we come together we become very super. I guess that’s the main message and the aspiration also of Super One.

Your first album debuted at No. 1 on the Stateside Billboard 100 chart, so expectations must be high for this album. What sort of response are you hoping for now that Super One is going to be heard by the world?

Lucas: I just hope that, throughout this whole worldwide pandemic situation that we’re all going through, listeners and fans will receive strength and hope through our music.

Why is "One" the perfect single for SuperM to release Super One through, following the earlier releases of "100" and "Tiger Inside"?

Mark: We always thought that having "100" come out first, then "Tiger Inside" leading to "One," that whole picture was a strategy that we thought would be best because we wanted to build up as much anticipation as we can. We wanted to build our fans’ expectations a lot as well. Having "One" come out as the final product was something we knew was right because the song itself has a lot of power in it, it holds a lot of what we can sing and rap about. The potential of the song holds what SuperM can really express. I feel like "One" was one of those tracks we really wanted to explode with. It’s a song that represents the album the best way.

You mentioned that you were sharing a unified picture in releasing these trio of singles one after another. What were you trying to relay through this trilogy?

Mark: I feel like each is great in their own way, but they all are connected as well. They’re all very different. Even if you just see “100” and “Tiger Inside,” the concept, the visuals, the pictures, the sounds, they’re all really, really different. But if you see the whole playlist of the album, they’re actually quite connected because all the songs have one central message on the album. “100,” we really wanted to give our 100% power and energy for fans to receive. “Tiger Inside,” the message was to not hide your power, to not hide the inner wildness you have inside and really release it out. And “One” is to bring all that energy together to overcome something we think we may not be able to but we can if we work together. It’s all about overcoming and collaboratively working together to overcome something we all want.

“One” is a blend of two songs, “Monster” and “Infinity,” how does it feel for you to be blending these songs together?

Ten: I think the concept that we put two songs and mix it together is very new, but also SHINee’s [2012 single] “Sherlock” is a mix of two songs, “Clue & Note.” With this album we think it’s a good idea to put the songs together because both songs, “Monster” and “Infinite” are very strong, they’re both ear-catching. That’s why I think it’s a very good idea to put it together, and I think the fans are going to love the mix too.

Speaking of… Taemin, firstly, congratulations on the release of your new album Never Gonna Dance Again!

Taemin: Thank you!

You’ve done this blending of songs into a single before as SHINee. How does it feel revisiting this creative style again with SuperM?

Taemin: I personally think that this is one of K-pop’s biggest strengths, the fact that there are so many different styles of music and genres that can be mixed into one song and they’re all so catchy. Since we [already] did this with “Clue” and “Note,” it was really cool for me to see that creative process happen again. If you think of K-pop in general, it includes so many different styles of music. Even in one song, you’ll see multiple genres, multiple drops, multiple tempos, key changes, etc. I actually heard that when the producing team was making this song, it was really hard to make it sound really seamless and natural, making sure the key and tempo and everything matched when they mixed these two songs. But I personally think it was really fun to see this all come together and happen. Seeing a more creative and fun kind of music production process is always what makes K-pop new and exciting all the time.

The album is bilingual, and split pretty evenly between English and Korean tracks. How do you feel about showing this duality? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think it’s ever been done before in K-pop, splitting an album with different language tracks quite in this way.

Taeyong: When I’m recording [in English], it’s very fun but it’s like English studying, a little bit. It’s because English pronunciation is important. I think our fans like our English songs a lot. They and our Korean songs are really good. They’re really dope. Really a bop.

Several songs, like “Better Days” and “Together at Home” seem inspired especially by the global corona pandemic. Why was it important to you to share these sorts of songs with listeners?

Mark: We structured the entire album to appropriately fit what’s going on in the world right now. So that’s why we thought of this entire message. “Together at Home” and “Better Days” are the songs that really represent that feature the most in a way. Taeyong and I actually wrote some of the lyrics for “Together at Home.” When we received the message of the song for us to get the inspiration, they were talking about how we can talk about the Beyond Live [concert platform] that we used. We could think of that as a way for us to get inspired so we can think of ways to write about ways we could reach our fans at this time. So we actually wrote stuff about that on the song. We really wanted to put that in there. That’s why if you see the lyrics, we’re talking about how we’re always indoors but still kind of connected in a virtual kind of way, however we can [be]. Stuff like that really fits what’s going on right now, so we hope the fans can relate.

Is there a song that any members feel particular fondness for?

All: “Wish You Were Here!” [Members sing.]

Mark: I guess we all like “Wish You Were Here” the most. [Laughs.]

Lucas: Yeah!

Mark: It’s so catchy. It’s easy to listen to and so catchy. That’s why I like it.

Kai: I like the chorus. It’s very bright so I can get uplifted by it. I think it suits the album a lot.

Taemin: It would be great to hear fans’ covers of that song. I think it’s a song people will want to cover, and it’d be cool to collab with someone on it as well.

You’ve been together as SuperM for a while now, but who surprised or impressed you while recording and preparing this album?

Mark: We’ve been together quite a while now and, more than discover an aspect we haven’t seen of each other before, it’s more like, "Wow." For example, I knew Baekhyun was good at singing, but like… It still surprises me to this day, if you know what I mean? There’s stuff like that. Something that I didn’t know was that Baekhyun is good at art.

Baekhyun: We were together, and when we were in LA living together, from the beginning [as SuperM]. As time passes, we feel more like family and I feel every one of us is growing more into our roles as individual members of the group.

Were there any memorable moments from the creation process of this album?

Baekhyun: We actually shot a reality show together. Obviously, the album production process itself is always memorable, but in addition to what we’ve always done – preparing for performances, practicing together, recording the songs, etc. – outside of that, we had a chance to be a part of these shows that will air soon. These shows were where we got to spend a lot more time together, and we could showcase our chemistry to our fans and viewers. Those memories were really fun because we got to travel and do stuff together.

Transportation and speed have been themes that carried throughout your songs and music videos, where you regularly are seen traveling in different types of vehicles, whether it’s space ships or helicopters. At a time when people aren’t able to travel, what do you feel this represents?

Kai: If you look at our past music videos there are motorcycles, there are tanks, there are a lot of cars, and I think that goes well with SuperM’s concept as a group. That’s why they were featured in our music videos and past songs. We can’t really travel right now because of the pandemic and everything that’s going on, but we hope that, just like these modes of transportation can take you somewhere, our music and this album can be a mode of transportation that takes you to a place of hope and takes you to that higher place where everyone can enjoy themselves and be happy.

What are your favorite lyrics on the album?

Mark: For me “Wish You Were Here”’s, “After all these years, I wish you were, wish you were here” is my favorite. Because the melody is really cool.

Taemin: In “So Long,” there’s a chorus where Mark sings “차가운 표정으로 맞이하는 절정 (An ending with the coldest face*)” I like that part. It’s really addictive, that part in particular.

Mark: I don’t know if he’s teasing me. [Laughs.]

You’re all part of different groups under SM, so what do you think makes Super One a distinctly SuperM album?

Taemin: If you listen to our first mini album, there were songs that were like unit tracks. It wasn’t every member on the album on every track. This album is different because every member participated in all of the tracks, and I think that it’s distinctly SuperM just because we were kind of able to create this album with one unified messaging. There’s so many types of songs, types of genre, on the album, but I think we tried really hard to unify the messaging through the lyrics and through that bring a message of hope and unity to our fans and everyone who listens to it. I think that makes it distinctly SuperM.

What are your goals for the rest of 2020? What do you hope to achieve with this album?

Lucas: The biggest goal that we want is we really want to be able to meet our fans if possible in 2020, because we miss them so much. If that can’t happen, another goal that we have is that through the Super One album we bring a lot of strength and hope to anyone who listens to it.

Ten: We might have more online events, like Vlive [livestreams] or Beyond Live [concerts]. Maybe those kinds of things can happen. We’re still thinking of ways to get close to fans even though everything is far apart nowadays. We’re going to find all our fans. So don’t be sad, don’t worry, just have fun. Hope you guys stay strong during this period. We’re going to do our best to meet you guys.

Baekhyun: That’s right.

*Translation provided by SM Entertainment.

Tamar Herman @ GRAMMYs

#exo #baekhyun #kai #t: interview #album: super one #200923 #e: interview

[westallen-world]

Eric Wallace Talks ‘The Flash’ Season 6B: Iris Entering The Mirror Dimension, Crisis Changes, Gorilla Grodd and The Return of Wally West

Eric Wallace has previously written for DC Comics on titles such as ‘Mister Terrific’ and ‘Titans’, as well as several episodes across Seasons 4 and 5 of ‘The Flash’ TV Series. Heading into Season 6 of ‘The Flash’, Eric Wallace was promoted to showrunner after Todd Helbing exited the show to helm ‘Superman and Lois’. Our interviewer Michael Slavin talked to Eric Wallace about what has come so far this season on ‘The Flash’, what to expect following ‘Crisis on Infinite Earths’, and what to expect in the remainder of the season.

MICHAEL SLAVIN: To begin the interview, what has your thoughts been on the reactions from fans to The Flash Season 6 so far?

ERIC WALLACE: Uh, what are the reactions to The Flash Season 6 so far? (laughs) I actually really don’t go on the internet.

MICHAEL SLAVIN: Oh really?

ERIC WALLACE: I’m the kinda guy who y’know does the work and I hope folks dig it, and if they don’t that’s okay too. I do believe everybody has the right to their own opinion, and I tell the staff “Don’t tell me anything unless it’s somebody who liked it” as a joke.

MICHAEL SLAVIN: I mean everything I’ve seen has been positive so that’s a good sign I’d say.

ERIC WALLACE: Oh good! I know everybody thought Episode 6×07 “The Last Temptation of Barry Allen Pt 1” was freaky (laughs), y’know with the black goo coming out of their mouths, kind of a very different episode for us. And I think that what was great for me was talking to Grant about that episode in particular and how much he said to me he enjoyed acting in that one and making it, y’know how it challenged him in the best possible way and I think that’s what you see on screen, you just see an actor going for it. The director, Chad Lowe, I thought did a terrific job and I thought Sendhil did such a great job as Barry’s adversary, we got really lucky and blessed with someone as wonderfully talented as Sendhil Ramamurthy in Graphic Novel #1, which people I guess don’t know because we use the graphic novel format for our seasons now but every graphic novel does have a name, I just can’t tell folks until the season’s over because the titles are so spoilery. But that last season, Graphic Novel #1, was titled “Blood and Truth”. That’s the actual name of Graphic Novel #1 and we’re starting now with “Marathon” in 6×10, we’re starting Graphic Novel #2 which also has a name that I cannot reveal because it’s so super spoilery, and very metaphorical, because I loved English and English class when I was in High School a little too much. And very often in the writers room I’m the one calling the “theme police” on us to keep us on it.

MICHAEL SLAVIN: Right, Perfect. So now I just want to pick up from the last episode at the moment. So we saw Iris enter the mirror dimension and I was wondering how this affects her character in the second half of this season?

ERIC WALLACE: Iris will grow in ways she didn’t know she could, and I mean that emotionally. Being sucked into that mirror will push her to the edge and a little bit beyond. It will literally test her sanity, which is really great because it’s given Candice as a performer a wonderful opportunity to just give some of the greatest performances she’s ever given on the show in my opinion and just knock it out of the park. One of the things that was important to me as a storyteller was, we spent a lot of time with Barry’s emotional state leading up to Crisis, while in Graphic Novel #2, which is the second half of this long season, it’s not necessarily all about Barry, we wanted to focus equally on Iris in the back half. And that’s what getting sucked into that mirror believe it or not, is going to allow us to do. Who knows what lies behind that mirror but I guarantee you it’s a different place. It’s a place that will affect her in a way that she will have to examine who she is and what makes up Iris Allen-West in all of it’s different facets and if that’s a good or bad thing.

MICHAEL SLAVIN: It was interesting when I was watching Crisis on Infinite Earths the scenes with Iris were always really interesting because she was tying our perspective back into these superhero characters so it’ll be really interesting to see where you take her next. Obviously you mentioned Crisis on Infinite Earths and it’s still a huge discussion point with the multiverse reset allowing for a blank canvas per se, how has that experience been for a writer in terms of being able to introduce and change major parts of the show and kind of do whatever you want going forward?

ERIC WALLACE: Liberating. That’s the perfect description. The best thing that ever happened to this show was Crisis on Infinite Earths, the crossover, and moving past the end of our pilot. Way back at the end of the pilot of Season 1, we see that newspaper and it’s telling us what we’re driving towards, so in a sense, the first six and a half seasons of this series have been driving towards a predetermined point, and that can be a little limiting from a story point of view, especially from a writing point of view. Now, we fast forward to Graphic Novel 2, our six and a half way point, who knows what’s going to happen now? and that’s the fun part. We can take all of the best of the past, keep it, but we can add in ways. I said to our writers in the writers room, I said “Who are the villains from the past? From previous seasons, 1, 2, 3, 4, whomever. We have the opportunity to tweak them now, just a little bit” and put on a fresh coat of paint. I use that term a lot now to describe our methodology. And you’re going to see that with several villains from past seasons, you might also see that with some heroes too, maybe one or two, who are from the past. And that’s great, it’s very liberating, very exciting, it keeps it fresh for us as writers, and I think when we’re feeling the excitement for the freshness of the stories we’re telling, hopefully that’s translating into what you, the audience, sees. It feels like the best of all worlds, it feels like the show you know and love, that feels familiar, but also maybe it just has a new coat of paint. Specifically it’s painted with a new main title credits. That is something I planned from Day 1 when I took over on the show. I said “When we get to post-crisis, it’s a brand new world. What’s the best way to visualize that for the audience and send them a literal message that says this is the line of demarcation between the previous seasons of the show and the show from this point on going forward? Well… it’s just a card that comes up with some lightning, what happens if we do 15 seconds of awesomeness” which the composer got excited about, Warner Brothers got excited about, who did just a terrific, bang up job on the title for us. And now that is one reaction that might be one of the only times where I was actually curious as to what people thought and thank goodness there seems to have been a real positive response to that and, I know this sounds kind of strange, but in a sense it’s kind of the message that sort of opens the door for everything else, so I’m glad people are kind of seeing that. And they should look for more changes, in the characters growing in ways we haven’t seen them grow before, in the story this season in the back half, not just Iris’ story but Barry’s story too, Killer Frost’s, everybodies kind of on a really wild journey that takes them to new places, and that’s on purpose. There are no rules like there used to be, pre-crisis, for stories.

MICHAEL SLAVIN: So that leads perfectly into my next question, which is what characters and locations can we expect to appear in the back half of the season that have changed or came about following Crisis?

ERIC WALLACE: Oooh, how do I answer that without spoiling anything? That’s a good question… I gotta think about that one because there is one set that goes to crazy town but that’s a spoiler, I cannot say that.

MICHAEL SLAVIN: Can you hint towards it at all or?

ERIC WALLACE: Uh, no. It’s so huge of a spoiler. I will say there is an episode where the West house, not the loft, but the house that Barry and Iris grew up in, there is a scene where that house undergoes a, shall we say transformation of sorts that’s really exciting. Our DP did something really special with that episode in general. The director did something special, it’s actually quite a special episode. That’s an example of how we can look at the same set and they’re a little bit different. Other than that though, other than this one obvious way which I can’t tell you about it because it’s so spoilery, the sets don’t really change. It’s more the characters changing, the villains changing, the scenarios that happen being a little weirder and as an example of that I use, at Comic Con I pitched out to the world what Season 6 was really all about, it was the season of Thrills and Chills. Well, Part 1 ~ Graphic Novel #1, was the chills. Literally we made a horror movie. Now, in the “new” season, Graphic Novel #2, the back-half, this is the Thrills section of the season. This is the section of the season that, and this is great because you’re DiscussingFilm, I’m a film buff. I watched a whole bunch of 1970’s paranoid thrillers to get in the mood to prepare for the back half.

MICHAEL SLAVIN: Is there any one film from that genre you’d say that has directly influenced the rest of the season?

ERIC WALLACE: Ooh, I can give you three. Parallax View, Three Days of the Condor, and All the President’s Men. Those are three examples of literally if someone were to watch those three movies and then go watch all 12 episodes in Graphic Novel #2, they would see some similarities. They are hard to find unless you really study those films, but they’re there. The tone of it, that’s really what we introduce. You guys saw we introduced Joseph Carver, and what’s he up to, right? Well, I can tell you right now it ain’t good, and somebody’s gotta investigate it. And Iris in investigating it has already gotten into a lot of trouble because she got sucked into a mirror. What does that mean for her? So that’s the investigation, I’ll use thee words “paranoid conspiracy”, that’s the kind of world that’s going to be opened up here in this back-half. So it’s The Flash’s version of a sci-fi thriller. Does that make sense?

MICHAEL SLAVIN: Yeah, yeah absolutely. So sort of jumping ahead a little bit, we know that Wally West is going to be returning this season, and it’s obviously highly anticipated, we’re wondering what you can reveal about what his return will bring to this season?

ERIC WALLACE: When Wally comes back it’s not the same old Wally. Being in Tibet will change you if you embrace the tenets of tibet (laughs), he’s going to come back a little older and a little wiser, and this is a spoiler I don’t mind saying, he might just have a new ability or two, and that’s part of the fun. Sometimes abilities don’t have to be crazy and intense, sometimes they can just be darn fun. That’s another thing that Keiynan said to me when we were talking, I don’t know last week or the other week, I was chatting with him and I said “Well you know, how are you feeling?” and he just said “Wow. This is the place I always wanted the character to go, I’m so happy with what we’re doing here, It almost feels like I’m a rebirth a little bit.” And that’s exciting for him, and I literally think this is the best performance of Keiynan on this show. I think when people see this episode they are gonna love it. There’s specifically a truly great Barry and Kid Flash scene, where they really get their act together in a way they haven’t been able to do since I think Keiynan’s first appearance on the show way back in Season 2. So it was really kind of an honor to bring back that special magic between the two of them and explore how their relationship has been changed because y’know Kid Flash… his name might still be Kid Flash but maybe he’s a man now. Maybe he’s grown up a bit, and that’s what’s exciting. So look for that in that episode, I think it comes out in a really unique way that I don’t think the audience is quite going to see coming because it works into the plot and the villain of the week, so it’s really fun but it does bode very well for I think the future of Kid Flash and I’m very hopeful that this isn’t the last time we see Kid Flash. I’m anxious to see what the audience thinks, I hope they enjoy it, we enjoyed writing it and making it.

MICHAEL SLAVIN: Yeah. So you mentioned how Kid Flash sort of ties into the latter half of the season, so what storylines are you excited to explore in the back half of the season?

ERIC WALLACE: Well the main ones I think would be Iris’, you know? What happens to Iris in the mirror? We wanted very specifically to get that out of the way in the opener and I’m not one of those people who like to tortue the audience, I don’t think that’s fair, I like to play fair with them, so you will find out next [episode] what is on the other side of that mirror. We’ll get exploring, you will not have to wait eight episodes and all that stuff. The first three episodes very quickly get into what’s up with Iris and what happened and what will be her journey this season. I’m extremely excited about that. I’m also excited to go exploring more of Team Citizen, which we introduced at the end of last year. It was very important not to just have Team Flash, because that investigates meta crimes and whatnot, it was very important to also have Team Citizen be an equal part of the storytelling. Allegra, Camilla, and Iris as human beings investigating real truths in the world. Let’s face it, I think we live in a time where truth and journalism has never been more important and I want to make sure that gets left even in the smallest way in our fantastical stories.

MICHAEL SLAVIN: Yeah so obviously All the President’s Men that’s a clear influence from what you were saying earlier.

ERIC WALLACE: Correct. Correct. Those thrillers that I mentioned had a influence on me when I watched them in college and I hadn’t seen them in 15 years or something like that and kind of “poach the best” or “pay homage” right? (laughs) So yeah I’m very much looking forward to that, I’m looking forward to Kid Flash’s return and what that’ll mean going forward for the show. I’m very excited about exploring new facets of old villains, I’m kind of obsessed with that. So you will see at least two, I’ll give you a number, at least two old villains from the past in the back half who maybe have changed in the post-crisis world. And that’s gonna be really exciting I think for people.

MICHAEL SLAVIN: So yeah obviously a synopsis was actually released for “Grodd Friended Me”, an old villain, and what can you tell us about that coming episode and what it means having Gorilla City on Earth-Prime?

ERIC WALLACE: How can I answer that without spoiling?

MICHAEL SLAVIN: Ah don’t worry about that just say whatever you want

ERIC WALLACE: Right, sure you want me to do that. Well first of all, not a ton of people know this, everyone around here does, but Gorilla Grodd is my favorite flash villain. And I don’t mean that just in the show, even from the comic books. I am obsessed with Gorilla Grodd and have been since I was probably, y’know, eight years old. I just think that a talking psychic gorilla might just be the coolest thing ever invented. OR maybe I watched too many Planet of the Apes movies. I remember, I think subsciously, there’s an influence of Beneath the Planet of the Apes running through that Grodd story. It’s hard to see, but now that I’m thinking about it, I think that must’ve been in the back of my mind a little bit. I take the movies that I loved as a kid or in college and they go into this crazy mill of The Flash and weird things come out, so they’re not always recognizable. I was a huge planet of the apes fanatic as a kid. So I think for this “Grodd Friended Me”, I’d tell the audience without spoiling anything, look at the title. Look at what it means, I think you should take that title literally. And if we do that, you might see something in Grodd you’ve never seen before. And that’s exciting. So yes you’ve got that old villain coming back but obviously he’s not the only one.

MICHAEL SLAVIN: In Episode 1, there was a slight feature of Godspeed and we were wondering if we’ll see a payoff of that in this season? You’ve been mentioning old villains quite a lot is that what you’re perhaps hinting to or?    

ERIC WALLACE: Let’s just say there will be more Godspeed coming. Who knows when or where but it will come.

MICHAEL SLAVIN: Can we expect any more Barry and Iris team-ups in regards to going on missions and solving mysteries together? You’ve obviously mentioned quite a few times All the President’s Men and will that feature into them sort of sleuthing together?

ERIC WALLACE: Yes, you will literally see that in the very next episode. Without giving any plot stuff away. And it’s one of my favorite episodes. It’s so great getting to see Grant and Candice working together to solve a mystery, it’s one of the joys of this season. I hope the audience enjoys it as much as we do.

MICHAEL SLAVIN: Final question, and thank you so much for your time today by the way

ERIC WALLACE: Sure, sure.

MICHAEL SLAVIN: This question comes from sort of the audience members of DiscussingFilm have asked this quite a lot and most notably asked by sort of a friend of the show named Anthony, who just keeps asking us to ask you, will The Flash’s gold boots from the comics ever make an appearance in the future?

ERIC WALLACE: Yes. They will. Eventually. But not this season. I too am a fan of the gold boots, Grant is a fan of the gold boots, but not this season. We will eventually get there, I would ask for patience.

MICHAEL SLAVIN: Right, so that’s us done, would you like to shout anything out in regards to The Flash or anything else you have going on?

ERIC WALLACE: Ah nah I’m too busy doing this man (laughs) this is sort of an all encompassing hobby as it were, but I do just want to thank all of the fans for their support, for continuing to come back every week, with whatever platform you’re watching on, it’s still greatly appreciated, and we have you in our minds and hearts when we write this episode, we might write them in a vacuum, but literally I tell my writers all the time “If you were watching this show, what would be cool to see this week.” And I hope folks enjoy the cool factor because this is the season of thrills and there will be a few, I think big surprises, that thrilled us and we hope you are thrilled too. So thank you for watching and keep watching.

https://discussingfilm.net/2020/02/11/eric-wallace-talks-the-flash-and-what-to-expect-in-season-6b-workingtitle/

[featherxquill]

Fics Wot I Wrote in 2019 (and the 2010s in general!)

So it’s the end of a decade, and I wrote some fic this year! I am going to do the usual list, but I thought I might modify the end-of-year meme into an end-of-decade meme, and have a bit of a look back at the fandoms I’ve written in and the fics I wrote throughout the 2010s, because it’s certainly been a more diverse decade than the last!

So, here is the list of Stuff From This Year:

January 28: The Witch of South Kensington - The Infinite Bad - G - Cornelia and Sebastian and a weird, well, infinitely bad sort of domesticity

April 7: to beckon me in languages i’ve never learned - James Bond - Bond/M - E - M decides what bendings of her will she’s willing to forgive

October 18: If Not Me - Arc of a Scythe - Curie/Faraday - T - Faraday fishes Curie out of the water, and they make the long road-trip back to Conclave together

It’s been a bit of a transition year for me, but look! I have been writing! And there’s one more fic I have completed this year but not yet posted, and it’s a long bastard, so I am quite happy with myself.

And here is the little meme thing, though I’ve modified it a bit to reflect on the decade, because I thought that might be fun.

Fandoms I have written in during the 2010s: Harry Potter, Sanctuary, Scott & Bailey, The Infinite Bad, James Bond, Arc of a Scythe. There are few other things I wrote for Yuletides past, too, but I wouldn’t specifically call that participation in those fandoms, so I’ve left them off.

First fic of the decade: An Interesting and Difficut Woman (HP, Muriel/Ollivander, E)

Last fic of the decade: If Not Me (linked above) or, really, the unpublished monster-fic that is now awaiting beta

Longest fic of the decade: One Time Thing (S&B, Gill/Julie, E). This is my longest fic of all-time, actually, and will remain so even when I publish my new thing. 50K. How did I even. I had a full-time job in 2015, though I do remember starting it before that job happened.

Shortest fic of the decade: Was a Yuletide treat drabble thing about Robot Unicorn Attack, but I’m going to go with a thing I am actually still pretty proud of, Burning, which is 173 words of slightly dark Albus/Minerva, that it turns out I’m glad I posted to ao3, because the LJ comm it was originally written in a comment on has now been deleted and purged.

Something I learned while writing in the 2010s: That I am capable of moving on to new fandoms, though probably not being truly multi-fandom. I have learned that I am serially monogamous, fannishly. Apart from Yuletides past, which have always been a bit of a holiday deviation, I rarely go back to back to writing in a fandom once a new one takes hold of me, something that sometimes makes me sad, but the muse wants what it wants, I guess. I think I move on when I am ready to. I started the decade still firmly in HP, where I had been since roughly 2003, and by now I have cycled through several new interests, which can be happy or melancoly depending on the way I look at it (I am generally not sad to move on to new ideas, but I am sometimes sad that moving to new fandoms sometimes means losing touch with friends from old ones).

Something I’m surprised about when I look back at my fic over the decade: That I can look back at my first fic of the decade, and really most things I have written in the past ten years, and still be damn proud of them. I think part of it is age and maturity, but an even larger part of it is that in about 2008 I started regularly using a BETA, and ever since, I can look back at the things I have written and be proud rather than cringing. Seriously, a good beta is worth her weight in gold, and I have known a few. Hold onto your betas, peeps, and if you don’t have one, GET ONE. Your future self will thank you.

Something that I miss: The comment culture of LJ, and the general tight-knit-ness of my little corner of fandom there. Fandom is now definitely a diaspora, and I have made many wonderful connections in the years since I moved to tumblr/twitter, but god do I miss the comment culture of things like LJ fic exchanges in particular. That might also in part be me missing being a part of a fandom that was LARGE even within its niches. But the muse wants what it wants, lol.

Something that makes me happy: The friends that I have made in my fandoms of the decade - shit, I mean, @incandescent-justice and @girlonabridge and @aubrys and @little-brisk all became proper Real Life Friends of mine when I lived on their continent, and @picardcrusher and @sapphoshands and @moocowmoocow thanks for also screaming about lady detectives with me. And I am so, so pleased that being into Sanctuary helped me meet @troiings and audio drama fandom put me in touch with @lothiriel84 and @mifhortunach and just. yeah. There are probably more people I’m going to feel bad about forgetting but like, FADOM FAMS it means so much to me!

Strongest memories of writing from the decade: Writing ‘Scenes From a Very Special Friendship’ in a notebook in 2011 while on holiday attending DiaCon Alley in the UK, teasing it to the person I was writing it for and talking about it with @kiwi-collideoscope. Writing ‘A Sexual Awakening in Five Acts’ in the breaks at my retail job, sometimes skiving and taking hella long breaks on the steps outside the store and sometimes writing smut in the breakroom while trying to keep a straight face - I think that was the first fic I really wrote large chunks of on my phone, a practise that I have continued, and continues to make me happy. Writing a scene of ‘Be Here, By Me’ in which Julie Dodson smokes a cigarette with the sun on her face while doing exactly the same thing myself. Sitting in the restauarant/bar of my hotel in Berlin with my evening cup of tea (because German hotels don’t have a kettle in the room? idek) writing ‘Warrirors’, which was my first Infinite Bad fic, and the first fic I had written in two years. Starting to write ‘Tethers’ in the taxi in Manila on my way to the airport after my stopover on my way home to Sydney in 2018.

Something I wish I’d written: I wish I’d been able to get on the Berena train, fanfic-wise, but it was such a wild explosion that I couldn’t keep up with it, and the fact that canon never stopped really threw me, too. I really wish I’d managed to write that fucking Yuletide assignment in 2016, though, because none of the NYR prompts have grabbed me since.

Where I think the 2020s will take me: i honestly have no idea, but it might be fun to speculate for the future. Into new fandoms, I think is a safe bet - probably fandoms with Awesome Ladies. I hope this Arc of a Scythe thing can carry me a bit further, but after that, who knows? At the start of the decade, I had no idea that Scott & Bailey existed, or that I would fall for Sanctuary as hard as I did. I had no idea a wild and crazy RPG podcast would be the thing to pull me out of a two-year dry spell, or that I would finish a fic that had been sitting in my WIPs for two years (that’s ‘to beckon me’, btw, thanks, @tayryn, for helping me do a thing I never thought possible and take something OFF the backburner!). But yeah, whatever my 2020s fannish journey holds, I bet it has Awesome Ladies in it - particularly older ones.

#fic year-end-review #angie writes fic #fic year end #end of a decade #new meme who dis

[diaryofavampiristicvirgo]

This shall be one, of many, rantings of mine to come on this tumblr page that I’ve now declared a diary, a glimpse into my mind, slightly terrifying but hey, fuck it. As this is the first of those rantings I feel it’s only right to give a small introduction, even if there is never a single soul to read this, or anything I write here for that matter, still, personally I like to start things like this with an introduction, one without of course revealing any sort that could truly identify me, because as one with a detectives mind (thank you, Scorpio 3rd house), I know too well how easy it is to find someone. You’d probably think, why would someone write personal things on a social media site in that case, and that’s where the not-able-to-identify part comes in rather helpfully, and because I don’t want to burden those I know and care about with my thoughts.

Let’s see, I could just throw my life story thus far right out, but what fun would that be in all honesty. This may be a diary but I could never truly write everything there is about myself, some things deserve to stay unknown by others, for now at least. With that all said, I’m a 5’3” 17 year old that survives off listening to metal and making dirty jokes. I’m really fucking shy and anxious when I first get to know people or am in a new environment, but when I warm up to it all I’m an incredibly energetic gremlin who just wants to love, protect, and go on adventures with you.. Even if said adventures is just hanging around a local coffee shop, or skating in an empty parking lot. I guess that’s where my Aries moon really shows, very protective, very sensitive, and very energetic... Yep that’s me. I say sensitive, and I truly am, but I will kick your fucking ass while crying, sensitive but not weak. I of course can’t go a single post without mentioning astrology, but hey it’s true.

Something I can say that I’ve found to be pretty funny is, while I’m a decently corrupted person who knows and has experienced some pretty fucked up shit, some of which was on purpose but thats a story for another day, ((haha eDgY, yeah no, I’m not the most corrupt person, at all, and I’m still very innocent in a lot of ways, but I do think almost everyone is corrupted to some degree by my age, and it’s not a damn competition, but fuck it that’s the best way I can think to put it)), but anyways, my energy.. or vibes you could say because why not.. and when you’re around me is just purely really playful and innocent, despite the rest, and with that, my voice being what I’ve been told is very baby, and being a rather petite person.. I’m sure I could easily fool you, but don’t let it fully, because I will In fact gauge your eyes out.. as a warning of what more is to come if you don’t fuck off.. If you so much as hurt or lay a finger on someone I care about, and then I will find a way to make an inappropriate joke about it. But, if you don’t cross that line, i can promise you I am one of the most empathetic and caring people you’ll meet, and if you’re one of the very few that’s gained my trust and you’re someone I care about, it’ll take a lot for me to truly get angry towards you.

With that all said, I think I’ve written more than enough for this first post, truly the amount I could go on is rather Infinite, but I will end it off on this note. Be gay and do crime, fuck shit up and feed the bodies of your enemies to wild hogs.