#like it feels like that; delayed for valid reasons but also even with an opportunity to catch up there's a weird barrier psychologically

[utilitycaster]

tbh it does feel like the early setup for Bells Hells was a cool experiment but ultimately had some ongoing drawbacks because I do agree with Matt here that there has been time for watch conversations - there were plenty of opportunities for that or for just regular conversations in Whitestone, the Shattered Teeth, the Feywild, and their most recent long rest - but it's just not something the party got into the habit of doing because of the early pacing. It's just not a party that naturally falls into easy conversation with each other for the most part, and I think because he's never had to do this in prior campaigns, particularly this late in the game, Matt hasn't been very obviously laying out "anyone want to have a scene now, during downtime" the way one might with newer players.

#i'm actually thinking about this bc like. i moved to where i currently live shortly pre-pandemic #and as a result i keep having to like. forcibly tell myself it's ok you do not have the knowledge of someone who's been here 4-5 years #like it feels like that; delayed for valid reasons but also even with an opportunity to catch up there's a weird barrier psychologically #cr tag #this isn't a bad thing incidentally; i think that organically developed found family stories are good but not every story has to be that

[skeletinmoss]

The curse of the Dark Phoenix

Chapter 2: under dark wings

Previous | Next

The bird was big. Easily the biggest bird Roman had ever seen in person.

If it stood at its full height, it probably would reach up to Roman’s hips… If Roman were standing next to it rather than being pinned underneath.

It’s cold, piercing gaze had him terrified, but he also couldn’t help but feel in awe of it’s beauty and power. As Roman met its gaze he got a strange sense that the creature was eyeing him not with aggression. Rather curiosity, caution…

Roman’s heart pounded in his chest. Given the way this creature appeared before them, it could only be one thing.

“A dark Phoenix,” he muttered in disbelieve. Even with the claws pressing into is chest it felt unreal.

“A real phoenix!!!” Patton whisper yelled, barely containing his excitement but not wanting to scare the creature away.

“Astonishing,” the prophetic mage breathed.

It had been a point of debate among them on whether phoenixes were ever real, rare or extinct. And now a real one was sitting on top of Roman.

“But why was it locked in a box?” Logan wondered as he carefully approached to get a better look.

Phoenixes, dark or otherwise, were considered good and pure creatures, with incredible magic and a strong sense of loyalty. There should be no true reason to keep one in a box.

“Maybe the mage was working on getting him out but got interrupted?” their shifting fighter suggested.

“Like maybe all that was left was the chains but something urgent came up and then he disappeared?”

Meanwhile, Roman was still locked in prolonged eye contact with the mythical bird.

“Guys!” Roman hissed finally losing his composure. “That’s a very good question and a valid theory. But can I get a little help? I’m getting a little freaked out here and… Huh?”

With a pensive tilt of its head, the bird jumped off Roman’s chest. Which was a lot better for his ability to breathe. He was still standing over Roman and inspecting him carefully, but now Roman felt he could move. If he dared.

“Can i…Can I get up or…?” he asked the creature feeling a little stupid, but he had moved when Roman said he was freaking out so…

And indeed the bird did a few steps back and let out a cry that Roman felt was meant to be a confirmation. Finally the phoenix looked away, taking in his surroundings.

Roman got up and looked at his friends. Logan’s eyes were sparkling with fascination. “It’s like he can understand us…” he whispered pensively.

“Aw, it’s a smart birdie,” Patton coed adoringly.

They all stood back and observed the bird inspecting the forest surrounding them and then the tower and the garden surrounding it. There was no doubt in their minds that the bird was actively assessing the situation.

“He’ll probably want to go home,” Patton sighed sadly. Roman nodded. That would be understandable. It was a devastating loss of opportunity to learn about him but they couldn’t force him to stay and they could not delay their mission to chase after the creature either.

Maybe if they kept in mind which direction it flew they could go on a search once they succeeded in this quest.

The bird turned back towards them and took each of them in. And then… Roman could almost swear he let out a tired sigh. The type his parents used to make whenever he’d gotten carried away and there was nothing they could do but clean up the mess left behind.

Then the phoenix eyed the tower once more and then, with breath taking force, launched himself in the air and took to the sky. Watching him fly off was a bittersweet delight.

“Aaand, he’s gone,” Patton said, a little saddened as they all were. Chances were they’d never fully understand the why and how of this creature and the box. But at least he was free now…

“Oh no wait!” Patton called out as they realized that the bird halted his ascend near the roof and flapped his wings, creating a gust of wind so strong they heard a window shatter and then he did a loop, flawlessly making his way inside the study.

“He’s going to hurt himself,” Roman gasped.

“Or destroy a clue,” Logan added while following the medic back inside and up the stairs. From the sounds they expected an even bigger mess upon arrival, and that was the case… But also not.

The phoenix had pulled out several scrolls, but none seemed torn. Not only that, but he’d opened several hidden compartments in the floor, the cupboards and the desk.

“Is he trying to be helpful?” Logan wondered as he gathered the selected scrolls and started reading them.

“Oh, such a good boy. Good birdie, smart birdie,” Patton coed.

“Wouldn’t do that Pat,” Roman warned, practically feeling the annoyance radiating off off the creature. “How would he know what we are looking for?” he pointed out inspecting the revealed space in the desk. “We didn’t even mention our mission here.” He found a box with what seemed to be random junk. Dried flowers, pieces of fabric, marbles…

Strange. Mementos of childhood maybe? The arch mage was rumored to be older than some towns… So maybe he kept this here for sentimentality sake? The space was rather big for just this small box… Roman was pretty sure the box the Phoenix had been held in could fit in there as well.

“I think you are right Patton. He must’ve left here in a hurry. I am almost certain I found where he usually stored the box,” Roman mused. If it hadn’t been an emergency, he would have put the box back where it would be safe rather than leaving it in the open.

“These scrolls are written in code or else using a jargon lost to time…” Logan mused, sounding frustrated. “It’ll take a while to decipher them in either case. But from what I can gather this was still a work in progress. The last thing he was working on before disappearing. Somehow the phoenix has selected the most recent scrolls out of boxes and boxes of them,” he pointed out, glancing at the bird in question in awe.

“We gotta figure out what to call him if he’s sticking around,” Roman noted.

The bird let out a cry that seemed to agree.

“Tiny?” Patton giggled, letting out a yelp when the Phoenix jumped in front of him and spread his wings in a very clear “fuck off” gesture.

“He doesn’t approve,” Roman translated, just in case.

“Oh, sorry birdie, didn’t mean to upset you,” Patton offered still kinda in that baby voice.

“I’m telling you Pat, I don’t think he appreciates the baby talk,” Roman insisted.

“Besides a pet name sounds… A bit beneath him?” he pondered.

The way the bird straightened himself made Roman feel like he was on the right track.

“Then maybe a human name. As he seems to have close to human intelligence, maybe Vincent?” Logan offered.

The phoenix cocked his head.

“Better but not quite… Maybe something cool… Like Reaper, or Midnight, or Storm… Oh,” Roman looked down at the phoenix who’s interest seemed piqued.

“You want us to call you Storm?” Roman asked.

The Phoenix, or rather Storm, let out a confirming cry.

“Well, okay then Storm. Thank you for helping us out. Not sure how you knew what we were doing here. But it probably would’ve taken us a lot longer to find all those compartments on our own,” Roman said.

“Do you think he used to belong to the mage and that’s why he knows his way around?” Patton suggested.

Roman didn’t even need to look at Storm to figure the answer to that. “I don’t think he’s the domesticated pet kind of Phoenix Patton,” he stated.

“You seem exceptionally good at interpreting Storm,” Logan pointed out. “From where I’m standing he looks mostly… Grumpy and annoyed. No offense,” he offered sincerely.

Roman didn’t immediately have an answer for that. He knew that it wasn’t just him interpreting body language. It was more like he could almost feel the emotions radiate off of Storm. Not constantly. Mostly when Storm was trying to make something clear… Was this an imprint thing? Like baby ducks thinking the first living thing they see is their mother? Had Storm chosen him as his ally just because he was the first he saw? That didn’t sound quite right. He hadn’t trusted him when he first appeared. He’d taken his time inspecting him before deciding Roman was safe to be around.

“Storm, no! Let Roman at least make sure these are safe to eat,” Patton scolded, pulling Roman’s attention from his musings and towards the present where Patton was keeping a box away from Storm.

“Ah yes. I’d imagine he would be hungry after being reborn,” Logan mused.

Roman approached Patton and Storm. “The tower has been abandoned for a while Storm. Whatever you found is probably long spoiled. I wouldn’t use any of these herbs even for the simplest of spells,” he offered as he took a look at the Box Patton had retrieved from one of the floor hiding spots.

There were already a few boxes with amulets of all kinds in them. One with old letters, those should probably be left alone unless Logan’s magic deemed them essential.

And the one Storm was so interested in that contained…

Roman paled. “What’s wrong Ro?” Patton wondered.

“These are all level 5 or higher,” the herbologist explained. Logan and Patton froze. You didn’t need to be especially well studied to know that only level 1 and 2 herbs were considered safe to use. Level 3 existed in a grey area. 4 ran a definite risk of lasting damage and form then on the risk only got more severe. Ashes were an 8 by example, the highest category. Protocol advised against even touching the stuff. And considering how easily Storm’s ashes had reacted to Roman’s magic without him even meaning to that was a wise decision.

Roman closed the box carefully and put it down. Nudging Storm away. He really wanted to get to that box. “Those are not going to be good for you Storm, trust me on this,” he pleaded.

Storm looked at him and again, Roman felt like if the creature could sigh he would. It was more an ‘I think this is stupid but if it makes you feel better fine’ sort of sigh.

“Thank you,” Roman said relieved.

“Ahm, Ro, I’m a little scared to open the last box now…” Patton admitted showing him another box that looked identical to the one with the extremely restricted herbs in.

Roman took the box and opened it, relaxing instantly. He’d been sort of ready to find a fossil or something intense like that.

“This seems to be ah… More recreational in nature,” he informed the others as he closed the box again.

“Oh,” Patton said, a little embarrassed that he made a big deal over nothing.

“Why are there still high level herbs in here?” Logan wondered concerned. “Surely the arch mage knew better than to keep them around.”

They all thought on that. “High level ingredients still hold a lot of power… He might have been holding on to them in case something big came up.

A last resort…” Roman suggested.

Storm screeched unimpressed by the gravity they put on the situation. Intelligent or not, Roman didn’t suppose he could expect a bird to really understand these kind of things. A plant was likely a plant to them. Or maybe a phoenix had nothing to fear from high level plants. Maybe to them it was just food… Speaking off.

“You know. I think Storm isn’t the only one who should eat. Let’s settled down for a minute, have dinner and then we can start on trying to see if we can find a lead today.

We are to touch base with the consulate at sunrise tomorrow and as cool as ‘we found a phoenix’ would be… I think we better focus on the mission we came here for,” Roman surmised.

His friends agreed and together they settled on the floor, all sharing a bit of their provisions with Storm who chirped in the most pleasant way he’d done all day. It would seem he appreciated the food.

Once they were done eating, they all went back to work. Storm had been a great help but they should double check to make sure nothing was missed. Roman was trying to get something shiny that was stuck under the desk when he noticed Storm was sticking by his side, observing him.

“You really have no were better to be huh? I’d think you’d want to get back to wherever you are from as soon as possible,” he mused as he finally got his hand on the cool round thing that had been evading him for an annoying amount of time.

He sat back up and looked at the phoenix. “You know… It’s kind of special to me to meet a phoenix. Not just because you are rare. I have… A connection with your kin, so to speak,” Roman tried to explain. And while he didn’t think he was doing a good job, he felt as though Storm understood him just the same.

Suddenly Storm perked up and looked at the destroyed window.

“The sun is setting,” Roman noticed, wondering why that had Storm’s attention. Maybe due to its coloring it was safer for him to fly at night… Was that what he’d been waiting for?

Roman felt a little disappointed. He still didn’t know for certain what this strange connection was he felt with Storm, and if the creature left, he might never know.

Still he wasn’t going to keep him here if he had other places to be.

Storm hopped himself over to the desk, flew up to the window, let out a cry -that strangely didn’t feel like ‘goodbye’ but ‘be right back’, and then flew out. Maybe he was going hunting? Roman supposed no one knew for sure what a Phoenix would eat and Storm was a very big bird so he might need something more filling than the nuts and fruits he’d accepted from them earlier.

“Aw, did Storm go home after all?” Patton said disappointedly.

“I think he might have gone hunting…” Roman offered.

“I would be more skeptical but you haven’t been proven wrong in your translations yet,” Logan allowed… Reluctantly?

“Logan, are you jealous?” Roman teased, laughing as his friend flushed.

“No!” the bookish mage insisted.

Roman just laughed and went back to studying the little round stone. There were inscriptions in it he wasn’t familiar with, but he had that feeling where a word was at the tip of your tongue. As his fingers caressed the stone he familiarized himself with the composition of the stone the way nature had beat against it. It had come from a beach somewhere, it had been taken from it’s home a long time ago, 80 years maybe? The engravings dated back to that time too.

There was magic in it, obviously. Old magic, it felt impatient, from disuse maybe…

Suddenly Roman was pulled out of his musings by a chocked gasp from Patton. It had gotten dark but outside something was glowing.

Roman got up and rushed to the window.

Storm was sitting in the grass, looking up at the rising moon. The silver light somehow reflecting on his feathers in shades of teal and purple.

Storm spread his wings and a mix of shadows and light swirled around him. It was mesmerizing yet terrifying.

Logan and Patton stared at the display along with Roman, unsure what to do.

The mass of shadows and light started to take some kind of shape and to the trio’s shock, turned towards them.

Before they could react in any way the half formed mass moved. It was at the top of the tower in an instance and rushed past them, leaving them all shaken by the feeling of so much uncontained magic moving past them.

As they stood there frozen in shock, a light shone from the room behind them and a deep, hoarse voice spoke.

“Hello there.”

#sanders sides #virgil sanders #ts virgil #roman sanders #ts roman #prinxiety #logan sanders #ts logan #patton sanders #ts patton #the dark phoenix au

[nylwnder]

i love you, grumpy | cale makar

gif by gabelandeskog

a/n: this a special fic for @gravestrain as part of @antoineroussel ’s winter fic exchange 2k23!!! sorry for the delay, apparently life had more planned for me than i would have liked, but better late than never! i must say i’ve never written the grumpy/sunshine trope before nor had i written for cale yet, so this was a really fun challenge for me! i hope you like it, elle!!! enjoy bb, hugs and kisses <333333

warnings: sunshine!cale x grumpy!reader, when the grumpy breaks >>, some swearing, just fluffy

word count: 3.1k

you couldn’t help but gain a great attachment with the small, kind and rosy boy in your kindergarten class. you were very socially anxious, which is valid considering you were being forced to submerge yourself in just the beginning of an insanely toxic social structure. and for what?

he made everything better. he was so sweet with you, it’s safe to say even too sweet. he almost always focused his attention on you, and you never understood why. when you felt like you didn’t belong anywhere, he would quite literally grab your hand and drag you everywhere with him. you always wondered why he wasn’t like all the other stupid boys playing soccer and bothering the other girls. why he always, at any opportunity, chose to spend every minute of his time with you. he invaded your space everyday with his blaring sunshine personality and even if you bothered him whenever you could, you knew you needed him.

so you and cale grew up together, and you two were always learning every possible thing there is to know about each other. that also meant that you two were going everywhere and experiencing everything together. you could list every single shitty thing that's happened to you so far throughout your life, but then you can also list everything cale has done to help you through it. and it goes both ways. cale often shares his gratitude for your ability to take him out of stupid situations, or help avoid them all together. he can be quite naive sometimes, which always makes you feel the need to defend him because you couldn’t possibly see him not have that fluffy ass smile plastered on his face.

he has come to know you aren’t necessarily the most exuberant person, which is also supposedly a reason for your incapability of keeping relationships (per a handful of stupid assholes). but cale, unlike the others, never minded. he always told you how he loves the way he can break you. since he has, making his favourite sight in the whole world: a smile creeping up on the end of your lips — it’s absolutely picture perfect if he miraculously gets a giggle too. if you must say so, nobody has had a higher “breaking y/n count” than cale himself. he just adds it to all of his other impeccable stats.

once cale left for umass, it was embarrassingly obvious how you began spiralling, and it presented you with an epiphany. the main point: you are a complete simp for him and it’s honestly disgusting. you can’t even say the exact day you fell in love with him, because there wasn’t a day that you didn’t. so in conclusion, cale is the only person you need by your side, because you are entirely positive you would go insane if otherwise. even if you sometimes act like that’s not the case.

so you drove to massachusetts one day to go visit him. that night, you two headed to a campus party where cale ended up quaffing far too many drinks. dragging his mumbley ass to his room, he slumped down and laid half on the bed and half on the floor. you gave out a small laugh, not without rolling your eyes, as he was trying his very best to tell you a story he could barely make out.

that was until he started muttering things about you. you stopped fixing his room and sat on the floor beside him. he turned to look at you, his head dangling off the bed now. “i wanna tell you sm’thing” you nodded, “what does your blabbermouth wanna tell me now?”

he giggled, before he spat out everything he wanted to say, all at once. telling you how he can’t get you out of his mind, how he misses someone waiting for him after games and practices, or the way you make fun of him, and your laugh, “oh that fuckin laugh you have it kills me y/n, in the best way.”

“i think the blood is rushing to your head.” you said, almost instinctively and you didn’t know why. your self-sabotage started to seep in, and you hated how you always made yourself feel as if you aren’t worthy for someone like cale to reciprocate your feelings.

but you were so grateful for his slurred confessions, as it eased your worries of looking like a total fool when you end up telling him what you came to say. he stared looking at you, waiting for your reaction. “do you hate me now?” he asked.

“no.”

“i should’ve just shut up. oh fuck no i messed it up, im s’stupid. ugh you’re always so right i'm such a dumbass. fuck-” he began mumbling, as he sat up and rubbed his face.

“cale stop.” you demanded. “you’re not stupid. you’re stupid for thinking you're stupid.”

“thanks” he said, softly. a pinky shade started to itch up on his face.

you turned to him and looked into his glossy eyes as he nipped on his lip. “okay. i miss you. i need you. i need you so much. i always knew that but i tried so hard to act like i don't. but life’s shit with you over here” you said, while you internally cursed yourself for the incoming wave of tears.

“nobody’s ever made me feel the way you make me feel. i’m not this bitchy, grumpy asshole when i’m with you. you don’t piss me off, not like you might think. no, i love you too much to think you're annoying.” you ranted.

you heard cale sniffle, as you looked up at him you saw tears falling down his face far more than yours — predictable. you laughed at him, reached for his hand and pulled him down to sit with you. “i love you, s’much” he said, as he pulled you in for a tight hug. and you loved it, feeling like you could just finally melt into him after discarding the weight off your shoulders.

cale felt the same. he thanked the far too many beers he had to give him that push. it didn’t end up going as he had rehearsed for years, but he didn’t lose you and he was so grateful about that. “it’s been a privilege that you let me accompany you through everything, all these years. i gotta say it’s something so very special to see you, you, oh you, let yourself be, you, with me. the really you.” cale told you, his head buried in your hair. you smiled, he wasn’t really making sense but you understood.

just as much as he’s always understood you.

—

it’s an average frigid and snowy day in colorado, and you find yourself cuddled up on your couch, watching a show on crave. you were wrapped up in the custom made quilt your now boyfriend gave you when you were both in middle school. it might sound corny, but god it was comfortable.

the freshly decorated christmas tree lit up the dim apartment. it was already mid-december when you were semi-forced to set it up, despite the fact cale originally wanted to put it up in november. cale was in the kitchen cooking up dinner for the two of you. you could hear him humming tunes to himself, something he often did which you love cause he always made sure to remind you, you weren’t alone. even if you teased him that you appreciated his absence when he was on road trips, he knows you always missed his stupid humming or his frequent whining, and yeah even his heart warming hugs that he would always refused to end.

he walks over with the bowls of food in hand. organizing the plates on the coffee table in front of the two of you, he can finally accompany you in finishing what you were watching. not forgetting to gently kiss your temple as he sat down beside you. and you may or may not have devoured his “classic home cooked meal, made with love” faster than cale himself, which he immediately laughed about since you had earlier mentioned you weren’t “that, that hungry”.

your pleasantly snug state started to diminish when cale mumbled the plans for tomorrow. “what? absolutely not!” you quickly stated, as cale made his way back to you. his team was hosting their annual family skate, which you often tried to dodge since cale always seemed to somehow embarrass you in front of everyone with your lack of skating abilities. and now, the catch this year? it would be in a huge outdoor rink.

“oh come on, everyone’s gonna go. it’s gonna be adorably decorated and… don’t forget you still need to learn how to actually skate,” cale says, booping your nose. “and, look, we already finished watching everything on our list, so we gotta make a whole new list and we can do that sunday.”

“no. no, look how cold it is outside! and i don’t recall being chilly in the cozy comfort of my own home.”

you fall back when cale tries to reach his hands out to grab yours. “i’ll give you the warmest hoodie i have so you can add it on top of the 50 layers you already habitually put on. i promise, baby ” cale reasons, as you try to fight him off so he couldn’t pull you up. you shoot him a look as he pouts at you, “you love hot chocolate, with whip cream. and i’ll make sure they have marshmallows too, of course.” he continued trying to convince you along with his sweet smile.

rolling your eyes at him. “fine.”

“fine? yes? perfect! oh honey, you’ll have fun, i promise. don’t worry baby.” he says, pulling you into his chest and kissing you everywhere. you scrunched up your face, trying to move the opposite way of his attacking lips. “you let me fall, makar?” you say, sternly pointing him down and giving him a warning look. he throws his arms up, his cheeks beginning to blush naturally, “i won’t, i won’t. never would. you know that.” you scoffed, “you better say that.”

as you made your way to grab some juice, cale sneaked up behind you. “wanna go to costco?” cale suggests enthusiastically, before snuggling his nose into the crook of your neck while wrapping his arms around your waist. you shook your head, “cale, you do know you’re literally the only one that loves going there. not me.”

“lies, you love their selection of snacks and you always eat allllllll the ones i buy. if you didn’t love costco, you wouldn’t eat their — well priced — stuff either.”

“i still prefer sam’s club” you unhesitatingly denote.

cale gasps, dramatically holding his chest as you look up at him. you moved your head down to pour the juice into a cup, and you couldn’t help but break into a tiny smile. he was such a kid.

“y/n, take that back” he whiningly utters. you walked to him, mockingly booping his nose “no”

but you couldn’t hold the smirk back, and cale knew you were just teasing, like always. even if you did hate going to costco, especially because of the impeccably large crowds and the fact that the promoted samples never seem to actually be ready to grab, cale loved it. and you know you always want cale to be happy.

—

the following day, you did not hesitate to grab the hoodie cale mentioned you could use from his closet. as you stand in the mirror, what’s accompanying the sweater and your puffer jacket, is a “heat tech” t-shirt, a thick long sleeve, some long johns below your fleece sweats and your long and fat scarf wrapped around your neck. you also quickly yanked cale’s favourite beanie from his drawer which was a compromise he was willing to make despite having to dig for another hat to wear.

cale couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of you struggling to put your thick boots on with your million layers. “i don't have to put them on, you know.” you taunted him. “no i’m sorry, i’m sorry. let me help you, here” he said, as he got on his knees to loosen the laces on each of the boots.

when he held one out for you, you snickered. “what? what happened?” he asked innocently, looking up at you. “i like it when you’re on your knees. specifically for me.” you say, running your hands through his hair and tugging just a bit. his reaction was predictable, his cheeks immediately turning flush as he cleared his throat and proceeded to tie your laces back together. you often take much enjoyment in getting him all flustered with your suggestive comments. he just looks really cute.

—

once you arrived at the outdoor rink, you found out it actually wasn’t as cold as you made it seem, but you weren’t going to let cale use that against you so you stayed with every layer you had put on. even if a part of you admits that you admire his cheeky smile whenever he knows he’s right.

before heading towards the ice, cale asks you if you want some hot chocolate first, as you noticed many other couples were heading to the little hut. you said you were fine, preferring the idea of smudging whip cream on his face after skating just in case he does end up dropping you.

sitting on the bench, cale helped you put on your skates before his. a few of his teammates were happy to see you. ej had a mischievous grin on his face as he greeted you. “just let me know when you wanna gang up on your boy.” he whispers in your ear, making you smirk and nod. ej was a gem, he always liked how you would affectionately bug cale. and he was always ready to help you.

“you better look like a stanley cup champion out there.” you tell cale as he grabs your hand. he laughed, “oh i will!”

gripping on his forearms, you finally step onto the ice trying to not immediately slip. cale starts skating backwards, as he lightly pulls you in to follow him, in which you do at a seemingly better rate than the first time he took you to a rink. continuing with the movements, and gaining more confidence on the ice, you mimicked some of cale’s skate tricks seeing where it would take you. you simper as you learned how to take a long stride and break on your own with a ‘t-stop’. and then again but with a ‘plow stop’. though, cale catching you before you could fall.

“see, you are having fun.” cale mentions as he smiles, turning to skate beside you again. “yeah yeah. whatever. i mean it’s more fun when you don’t fall.”

doing laps around the rink, you catch ej looking over at the two of you. so you tilt your head, signalling he could start to fool around. but before he could even make his way over to you or cale, your skate gets caught on a dent in the ice making you swing your arms, sending cale falling back.

he fell on his back, his head didn’t touch the ice — but you didn’t know that. “oww” he whines. you turn to him, softly chuckling at the sight of his sprawled out body. but then he closed his eyes, and held his hand to his head, groaning. “oh shit, cale!” you yelp, falling to your knees to look at him. “did you hit your head?? fuck i told you they should give out helmets here.”

“mm god my head is pounding.” he mumbles, trying to get up. “don’t get up, you could have a concussion. you should know that.” you tell him. he groans once again so you start to internally panic. you just pushed, and potentially injured, your boyfriend who has to go back and play in a couple of days. “shit. cale don’t die. fuck don’t die you have a game in four days and i can’t have your coach hating me for this.”

nate comes around, “hey cale, you okay?” he asks. cale doesn’t move, nor says a thing. you shake his arm, and nothing. “cale!!” you call out. he’s limp.

“oh god i killed him, nate. fuck i’m screwed. no cale wake up. please wake up. come on you rosy cheeked sunshine boy. fucking get uuuuup.” you whine at him, shaking his entire body as much as you can.

“BOO” cale yells, jolting up and grabbing you. you let out a tiny shriek, scrunching your shoulders and closing your eyes. he was in a fit of giggles. “CALE DOUGLAS MAKAR NEVER FUCKING DO THAT.” you cry out.

“i got youuuu” he mocks. you smack his shoulder, not as gently. he smiles, “it’s cute that you thought i died.”

“that’s not funny. i thought you smacked your head.”

“it’s kinda funny.”

“no it’s not.”

pulling him up, everyone else laughed at you two. ej truly surprised cale turned the tables on you. nate patted cale’s back before you started heading over to go get hot chocolate.

“two please.” cale orders before shaking off the snow on his pants. the lady hands you both your cups and you head over to the bench. “so you didn’t hit your head?” you asked cale quietly, looking at him with soft eyes. he smiled, “no, and you didn’t see so i took advantage.” you sneer at him.

as cale blew his hot chocolate, you scooped a bit of the whip cream and hid your hand. “hey, it’s pretty h-” cale began saying before you took a small sip and acted like you burned your tongue. you whimpered in pain, shutting your mouth. “hot it’s pretty hot. are you okay?” he asks, wrapping his arm around you to pull you closer.

that’s when you lifted your hand and smeared the whip cream all over his face, cale gasped. “y/n!!” he exclaimed, wiping off what fell on his eyes. you started laughing at him.

“how dare you. i didn’t even let you fall”

“it’s funny.”

he laughed, despite the way he was still cleaning his face. “it is funny.”

“glad you think so.”

he grabs your cup and moves it behind him with his own, “that’s enough for you.” you still had a smile on your face. he moves his finger and dabs a bit of whip cream from his face onto yours. so you grab his blushy cheeks and pull him in for a kiss. his lips were warm and soft and you couldn’t help but feel all lovesick inside. “i love you” you murmured. “i love you more, grumpy”

[ join my taglist if you enjoyed reading! : click here <3 ]

#the winter fic exchange 2k23 #cale makar #cale makar fic #cale makar imagine #cale makar fluff #cale makar x reader #colorado avalanche #colorado avalanche fic #colorado avalanche imagine #nhl fic #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagine #nhl fluff #nhl x reader #nhl writing #hockey fic #hockey fanfiction #hockey imagine #hockey x reader

[hyperlexichypatia]

Other people have written about how being childfree by choice is not an excuse to be ageist against children. Children are a marginalized class who deserve to be liberated from ageism, and choosing not to create any yourself does not absolve you from your obligation to support children's rights, existence, and opportunity to thrive. I would also like to add: Being childfree, or choosing to delay having children, is not an excuse to be ageist against young(er) parents, including your own parents, if applicable (how warped is societal ageism that people are infantilizing their own parents?). Young parents are also a marginalized class (though not nearly as much as children are) who also deserve equal acceptance for their reproductive choices. And as people get more and more mask-off about supporting things like forced sterilizations, forced abortions, and eugenics, it's more important than ever to affirm this. Completely reasonable, valid statements that we should respect:

"I don't ever want to have children."

"I don't feel ready to have children at this point in my life, but I might some time in the future."

"People in my social circle are having children, and I'm not, and I'm having some feelings about how I fit into that social circle now."

"Now that I'm the age my parents were when I was a child, I can look back on the events of my childhood with more empathy for my parents' perspective, and I can now understand my parents as whole, separate, complex, flawed individuals, in a way that I couldn't when I was younger."

Harmful, ageist statements that we should absolutely not respect:

"I can't believe it's acceptable for people MY age to have children! We're too young!"

"It's so sad to see these poor young girls throw their lives away having babies."

"My friends are giving up their ambitions to have babies? I thought they were smart?"

"I can't believe my mom had me when she was only [age]. Just a child. Just a baby. I'm [that age] and I'm much too young to have kids! So sad!"

See the rather glaring difference? I'm not naming the specific ages I've seen this discourse around, because it doesn't matter -- ageism against parents of any age is always wrong regardless -- but I will point out that this is the kind of rhetoric I grew up hearing about "teen moms" (also not okay! teen moms are awesome!) now being applied to people in their 20s and even 30s.

#ageism #parenting #reproductive autonomy #reproductive justice #young parents

[jerzwriter]

Hey, everyone. I want to take the opportunity to say something that's been percolating in my head for the past two days. There are several reasons I've put it off, but it's important, so I can't continue to do so.

As some of you may know, some artwork was shared recently that included a character that I'm familiar with. It's a character I know and love. In the art, the character was undoubtedly whitewashed, and while I didn't reblog it on my personal blog, I did like and comment. Further, I reblogged on CFWC, which, in my opinion, is even worse. CFWC is a place for the whole fandom where everyone should feel safe, and I failed at my job to make it so. I fucked up, and even worse, I didn't even realize until it was pointed out to me. Honestly, that's messing with my head because it was obvious... how did I not see it?

Racism is not something I take lightly, and I do my best not to tolerate it in my personal life. I come from a mixed-race family, on both my Latine and Mediterranian sides. I understood at a young age how my light-skinned cousins and I were treated much better than my cousins with dark skin. Not only by strangers but by our own freaking family. Once I was old enough to understand why, I tried my best to break that pattern and be a better person. I think I've succeeded in many ways, but I know damn well that I have also failed on more than one occasion. Racism and white supremacy are so intrinsic in our society that sometimes I didn't even realize the shit I was doing was racist and wrong.

But in this case, I know whitewashing is wrong, and no matter how disappointed I am with myself, I can't deny the truth. I know what whitewashing is. I know it's racist. I know it's wrong. I know it hurts people, yet my actions supported it. I've spent a long time wrangling with my thoughts, trying to understand how I could have done it. Was I just so blind and privileged that I didn't see it? Was I just rushing through notifications late at night and not paying attention? But at the end of the day, the reason is irrelevant. It doesn't matter how or why it's done, the bottom line is it hurt people, and I need to take responsibility.

I want to profusely apologize to those I hurt. I don't have to question if... I know I hurt and disappointed people, and saying I'm sorry doesn't feel like enough. So I give you my word, my promise to do better and not repeat this. I will be more cognizant of the content I'm engaging with and do my part to foster an environment where everyone feels comfortable and welcome. I failed at that this week. If I could undo it, I would, but I swear, I'll do better.

I'm sorry it took me two days to address this. There were valid reasons for the delay, but I couldn't ignore this any longer. This is difficult to talk about and hard to admit, but it's nowhere near the difficulties and pain that pervasive racism forces BIPOC people to live with every day. I am so truly sorry.

#racism #whitewashing #apology

[teslacoils-and-hubris]

stop holding back, talk about your oc

Anon you're playing a dangerous game telling me to talk about any of my ocs but especially ocs for the fandoms I'm currently obsessing over

So because most tf2 ocs are mostly just self inserts that don't play around with the whole joke of their characters designs (totally valid and I also do it), I wanted to play in the space and make someone that i could reasonably see ending up in tf2 in a different world, hence my anti violence hippy who somehow ended up as a merc using chemical weapons to kill people! Everything about this character is at its core an attempt at being funny that is probably only funny to me lol. The rest is under the read more cause it got long

Anyways meet the chemist! I imagine he's functionally sort of a cross between demoman and pyro, one weapon being a sort of delayed fire trap similar to demos stickybombs but instead of bombs they're aerosol gas weapon canisters that create a sort of poison cloud that gives damage if you run through it that adds up the longer you stay in a cloud. His second weapon is basically a recolor of pyros flamethrower except chemical/acid spray instead of fire, it has a certain time it gives damage for similar to afterburn. I haven't figured out what his meele weapon is yet, but I imagine he does have a two person taunt where he puts a flower in their gun

Backstory wise it's basically what I said before, he was just a weird hippy hitchhiking around, making and doing drugs, and getting suckered into newage spiritual cults. He found he was pretty skilled with a chemistry set and started playing around making highly illegal chemical weapons for fun and probably used them at some anti violence protests he was at, which eventually got him scouted by miss pauling to avoid legal charges by moving down to New Mexico and putting his skills to use. He thought he was being pulled into a new cult and just went along with it and was honestly pleasantly surprised to find out it wasnt another cult. Nice change of pace :)

Personality wise he's pretty chill. Susceptible to suggestion and 100% believes in aliens but isn't so into the whole new age stuff that it's apparent until you get to know him and he mentions off hand that he was abducted by aliens and told the secrets of the universe one night. Firmly against the idea that aliens built the pyramids or had any real role in human civilization until roswell because the aliens told him so. I imagine he talks like Bill and Ted. This is critical he may be anti violence but he has absolutely no moral problems about fucking people up and even killing them. His problem was doing it as a job but he was totally cool beating up assholes for free. He had a bit of a clash with his new job at first, but when told he could do his damn job or leave in a body bag he got over it pretty quick

When it comes to the other mercs, there's plenty of opportunity for chaos as always. I imagine he gets along well enough with engi and demo, talking about engineering and chemistry needed in all their jobs and just hanging out. I imagine a sort of running gag with scout where scout complains about his lack of game to chemist and chemist, who is a freak and a weirdo and looks like a wet rat, regales him with some story that somehow ends with him getting laid despite all odds and scout being angry/jeleous/confused/come on?? This guy?? About it. Spy hates him cause he's gross and weird and all to touchy Feely and constantly tries to get the group to be emotionally open. Smokes with sniper in the woods. Honestly kind of creeped out by medic I don't have a reason I just feel it in my bones it took a while for them to warm up to eachother. Running joke were soldier calls him a hippy and he just shrugs and agrees and makes soldier even madder

Anyways I'm not happy with my design for him yet but have this first draft design that I do like but doesn't feel like it fits the aesthetic of tf2 enough for me, the half visible emblem is based on chemical hazard information symbols and will also probably get reworked at some point

#asks #my ocs

[alyjojo]

Gift Ideas For Your Libra - December 🛵 2023:

What they want: 4 Swords & Ace of Pentacles

What they need: Ace of Cups & Knight of Wands

The thought behind it: Queen of Wands & 6 Pentacles

Main Energy: King of Wands rev

Gift ideas for Libra:

Some of your Libras are fresh out of shitty relationships, not all. Some are dealing with financial issues, needing to save money and pull back from spending too much. Some are simply lacking in confidence right now, possibly hiding away or being hermity, there’s a valid reason for all of it. I also see possible illness here, if so holidays with them could be postponed or delayed. You love them, and want them to feel powerful, confident, and beautiful/attractive, because you feel/know that they are. Cheer them up! 6 Pentacles is here showing an equal give & take, like a have-to thing, or they’d probably bow out of it, gift giving for them is a forced thing this year, for many. Go cheaper, or smaller, but still nice/good quality. Or agree to this on both sides, let them know “no pressure”.

1. Ulta, the makeup store, has all sorts of expensive perfumes/cologne, skincare and beauty products, but they also have cheaper “sample” sizes that Libra could try out some of and maybe like or maybe not, you could throw together a DIY basket of sorts with little things for self care & beauty, especially if it’s something you know is great 💄

2. They need a wingman, a friend, some need a new love interest, an opportunity to shine & flirt, whether they actually end up with someone or not. You could just offer to go out and split the bill on admission/drinks etc. Or you buy now and they do it next time, but make it a thing, like Friday night Girls Night, essentially giving them a reason to get dressed up & feeling good, searching for something new & getting them out of the house, because that’s what they need. The gift itself would be more “inspiration” or encouragement even, friendship, than an actual gift, unless you’re buying. Little gifts can be incorporated.

3. Anything that makes them feel good, you know your Libra. Some of them might like fuzzy gloves, some may like silk, others may like leather, clothes & accessories are what I’m getting the most. A spa certificate. Getting their nails done. Spray tan. Anything that makes them feel attractive, alluring, and confident inside, because for whatever reason, they’re just not feeling it right now, or they’ve taken a hit to their confidence and it’s hard for them to get out of that mindset. They would rather skip out on holidays, but might come around for fun, self-care, or the possibility of something new around the corner. Hype them up 🙌

4. I’m hearing a separate story for health/mobility issues specifically, something that helps them move around their day-to-day easier. These may not even be actual “gifts”, but more DIY things to help them around the house, like handles installed on something by the side of the bed to help them stand up, or IKEA shelves at waist height if they can’t bend down low. A walk in shower. A grabber for things like produce at the bottom the fridge. Still helping them feel more confident, just in another way.

#Libra #gift ideas #December 2023 #astrology #zodiac signs #gifts #holidays #shopping

[impostoradult]

I finally figured out why it feels like Supernatural murdered a unicorn (AKA why you need to STOP telling me to watch Black Sails)

I’ll start by saying, everything everyone else has been saying CERTAINLY bothers me: 

- the queer-baiting - the bury your queers - the undermining of Dean’s character arc  - the wasted opportunity for a certain kind of overall narrative closure - the flat out disrespect to Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles

 All of that bothers me tremendously. 

But there has been something else rather ineffable about this that has left a horrible taste in my mouth that I couldn’t quite pin down until last night. Bear with me, if you will, because this will require some set-up. 

*** This is not the first show to ever disappoint me in a spectacular fashion, nor will it be the last, I suspect. And one of the ways I’ve always coped with that disappointment was to remind myself that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right. (”It” being any number of things from just pure narrative emotional coherence to not burying your queers to not stringing along your queer audience and then yelling fuck you to them on the way out) 

But somehow that assurance -- that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right -- has rung particularly hollow in this instance, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why until yesterday. 

I kept asking myself, why do I still have this feeling, deep in the pit of my stomach, like something was lost here that can never be recovered? 

Because something was lost here that I am doubtful can ever be recovered, and I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else talking about this aspect of it at all. 

***

A few months ago, TV critic Maureen Ryan did a great interview piece with Mike Schur (of Parks & Rec/The Good Place) discussing the death of long-form TV in the streaming era. They explore how the longer seasons and longer runs of traditional broadcast/cable TV provided an opportunity to tell particular kinds of stories that you simply can’t when seasons are 8-10 episodes and series typically run 2-4 seasons (thanks Netflix).

One key thing we’ve all lost in this new era of highly condensed TV storytelling (and of prestige TV narrative styles)? The traditional (several season’s long) slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance. Not only is there simply no longer the time or space to write such romances, it has also come to be seen as hacky, manipulative, cheap, artistically impoverished, low-brow, a embarrassing vestige of the era before TV became art™. 

Everybody is trying to be Fleabag now. No one wants to be Frasier. (”It’s really more like a 10 hour movie” they all like to brag)

Obviously TV still has romances, even ‘drawn out’ romances. But ‘drawn out’ in 2020 is like 2-3 seasons, maybe. More commonly it’s like half a season. Take Schitt’s Creek. The number of episodes between when David and Patrick first meet and when they first kiss? Seven. Seven episodes. Half a season. If you watched it live, it took less than 2 months for them to move from introducing that dynamic to consummating it. And I’m not bagging on Schitt’s Creek; I think the David/Patrick’s story is very lovely and well-written. 

But Niles & Daphne (Fraiser) had to wait 7 years and over 150 episodes before they finally got there. Josh & Donna (The West Wing) had to wait 6+ years, and 145 episodes. Mulder & Scully (The X-Files) had to wait 7 seasons and 143 episodes. Booth & Bones had to wait...you see where I am going with this. 

And my point is (and I can’t believe I never realized this explicitly until now): there has NEVER been a queer slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance of that type on TV ever. EVER. 

I’m going to say that again, because I think it bares repeating:

There has never been a queer, slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance that fits the 100-150 episode paradigm of delayed gratification on TV. 

Not ever.  

I can’t think of ONE example  Not a single, solitary one. And I know queer TV pretty well. Arguably the closest we’ve ever come is Legend of Korra, and that ran 50 episodes, a THIRD of the length of old school will-they-won’t-theys like Booth & Bones or Josh & Donna. 

Queer people have had a fair number of canonical romances on TV by now, even fairly long running ones. But we never got a primary/front-and-center romance that you had to root for for 100+ episodes before you got any kind of canonical consummation.

That is a particular kind of TV experience that queer people and queer characters were just 100% shut out of until it was too late. And because of how the TV landscape has changed in the last 10 years, I don’t know that that opportunity will ever come back around in our lifetimes. 

***

Dean and Castiel are/were a legacy of an earlier era of TV, an era that still contained the possibility for a will-they-won’t-they of that particular mold. There were other shows that could have also filled this gap at one time - Rizzoli & Isles, OUAT, House MD, etc. But one by one all of them were killed off, their queer romances unrequited, until Supernatural was the only one of its’ generation left standing. 

And they should have acknowledged that they were a species about to become extinct. 

There are plenty of other valid and compelling reasons Supernatural should have gone full Destiel, don’t get me wrong.

A) It would have been the most emotionally satisfying ending to the series and to those characters (and that would have been reason enough). 

B) It would have stopped the manipulative queer-baiting of the (disproportionately queer) fanbase (and that would have been reason enough). 

C) It would have been queer representation of middle-aged men, of bi men, of queers who came to their queerness later in life (and any/all of those would have been reason enough). 

D) It could have been a glorious subversion of the bury your queers trope, considering how often they’ve died and been resurrected (and that would have been reason enough). 

But point E) on this list is the reason this one hurts in a singular way that no one even appears to be acknowledging. 

Almost all of the other wrongs and missed opportunities contained in this Supernatural debacle have the possibility of being rectified (at least to a degree) elsewhere. I can and I likely will get more bi male characters from TV as time goes on. I can and likely will get more middle-aged queer characters. I can and likely will get more queer characters coming to their queerness later in life, and starting queer romances later in life. I can and likely will get more queer characters who aren’t killed cheaply and prematurely. I can and likely will get more genre TV shows with sprawling myth arc plots that are resolved in a coherent, satisfying way. I can and likely will get Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles involved in other projects that value their work and their talents. 

All of those other things are at the very least POSSIBLE, and many are even likely. 

But a queer 100-150 episode slow-burn romance a la Mulder & Scully or Niles & Daphne or Booth & Bones? That is the one baton Supernatural dropped spectacularly that no one else even has the possibility of picking up again for the foreseeable future. (They don’t even write those types of romances for heterosexuals anymore!) 

Seriously. It was a TV unicorn. And rather than letting it run wild and free, they stabbed it with a rusty nail. 

***

Given the monumental shifts in the TV landscape that have occurred in the last decade, I don’t know that TV will ever go back to the slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance spanning 100-150 episodes. Today it is a miracle if you can get ANY show to last longer than 50 episodes in the first place. 

And that is the piece of this that makes it feel (to me) like they murdered a unicorn.  

Because queer people have gotten a lot of things from TV, and they will get a lot more as time goes on. But that one? That one could very well be a totally extinct species.

That is the larger missed opportunity here that has left this feeling especially hollow and destructive. That is the thing that makes me balk when people tell me to go watch Black Sails or Pose or whatever other prestige TV show is doing this representation ‘better.’ Because that’s not really the loss I am mourning here. I KNOW there is ‘better’ representation elsewhere.  

But the will-they-won’t-they/slow-burn romance is a qualitatively unique thing that queer people literally just never got. Ever. There is no substitute, no alternate, no other show I can turn to with that kind of build-up and pay-off for a queer couple, and there probably won’t be in my lifetime. Not unless the TV industry undergoes another monumental evolution similar to the streaming revolution that shifts the incentives back to telling those types of stories again. 

All those shows you want me to displace Supernatural with? None of them can give me the one thing I uniquely wanted (and could have gotten) from Supernatural. THAT ALTERNATE SHOW DOESN’T EXIST. It doesn’t exist. And I have no reason to hope it will ever exist in my lifetime. 

So stop telling me to look somewhere else; you don’t understand what made this one a unicorn. 

***

Addendum: The only other possible show that could perhaps fill this gap is It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (re: Mac/Dennis). But I’m hesitant to say it exactly meets that criteria, for a number of reasons:

1 - It’s far less serialized relative to Supernatural and (except for a handful of stand-alone episodes) very little of the story is grounded specifically in Dennis/Mac’s romantic dynamic (unlike SPN, where it is absolutely central to much of the narrative)

2 - IASIP is fundamentally satirically in nature/tone which makes it much harder to have genuine romantic pathos (not impossible, but harder) 

3 - All the characters on IASIP are fundamentally crummy people who you aren’t exactly supposed to root for. Which doesn’t mean a romance between two of them can’t have its value/charm/worth but it’s not the same as when it is between characters who unequivocally deserve nice things/happy endings

#Supernatural #Destiel #queer representation #sorry this is long

[aboveallarescuer]

#that happens even when the person isnt trying to argue that shes a mad queen/villain but that she has both 'good' and 'evil' in her#and is meant to fail#(e.g. that meta about how dany is a tragic shakespearean hero; which annoys me more bc it sounds convincing when you don't remember what#happened in the books very well...

Can you talk more about your problems with that essay? I thought that it sounded plausible... I don't want those things to happen to Daenerys, but I don't trust GRRM either.

Anon, thank you for this ask and sorry for the delayed answer. I was already planning to write several posts as a response to the arguments of “Daughter of Death: A Song of Ice and Fire’s Shakespearean Tragic Hero” (which you can read here), but I couldn't find the time or motivation for that lately, so thanks for giving me the opportunity to counter-argue it in a single answer. I tried to be brief by summarizing some of my notes and by linking to a lot of metas instead of repeating all of their points, but the response unfortunately ended up becoming long anyway.

In the context of that essay, Dany is considered a Shakespearean tragic hero because the writer thinks she fits five requirements: 1) Dany’s chapters contain supposedly deliberate references to Shakespearean plays; 2) Dany is “torn by an internal struggle”, namely peace versus violence or companionship versus rulership or home versus the Iron Throne, all of which also drive the external conflicts. Choosing the second options will lead to her demise; 3) prophecies and “influential accidents” - that is, events that “have roots in a character’s motivation”, as well as “the sense of ‘if only this had not happened’” - will “heighten and exaggerate [tragic flaws that] already [exist]” in Dany; 4) Dany will (according to the essayist’s speculations) take actions that produce “exceptional calamity” and her demise will be “her own choice and doing”; 5) Dany “[rose] high in position” and is “an exceptional being”, which sets her apart as a character that fits the mold of the Shakespearean tragedy because her reversal of fortune will highlight “the greatness and piteousness of humanity”.

I would argue that the points that the essayist made to justify how Dany supposedly fits these five requirements are all very skewed.

1) When it comes to requirement 1 (Dany’s chapters contain supposedly deliberate references to Shakespearean plays), the essayist is conveniently cherry-picking (as they often do throughout the meta). Bran Stark wants a dreamless sleep just like Dany: “Sweet, dreamless sleep, Bran thought.” (ACOK Bran I); “That night Bran prayed to his father’s gods for dreamless sleep.” (ACOK Bran II). Indeed, @marinabridgerton argues that that’s most likely tied to the fact that they’re the two characters most heavily associated with prophecies. Even Sansa is said to have a dreamless sleep: “Sometimes her sleep was leaden and dreamless, and she woke from it more tired than when she had closed her eyes” (AGOT Sansa VI). And yet, where are the essays about how these quotes are teaching the readership to interpret Bran’s and Sansa’s characters, storylines and trajectories based on Shakespearean tragedies?

2) When it comes to requirement 2 (Dany is “torn by an internal struggle”, namely peace versus violence or companionship versus rulership or home versus the Iron Throne, all of which also drive the external conflicts. Choosing the second options will lead to her demise), the essayist is right to point out that those dilemmas exist. However, they portray Dany’s struggles in a way that makes it seem that 1) there are “good” options (peace/companionship/home) and “bad” options (violence/rulership/Iron Throne) for Dany to take and that 2) choosing the latter ones will lead to Dany’s downfall. There is a lot to question about these assumptions.

2.1) When it comes to Dany’s conflict between peace versus violence, the essayist takes everything that Adam Feldman’s series of essays “Untangling the Meereenese Knot” says for granted when it shouldn’t be. I’m not going to delve into all the problems/inaccuracies/double standards with those essays. For our purposes here, it’s enough to say that they: 1) dichotomize Dany’s identity into mhysa and mother of dragons to argue that the former represents her desire for peace and the latter her violent impulses; 2) assert that the peace was real; 3) conclude that, by rejecting the peace, the Dany of ASOS is gone and from now on she’s going to be a very different person because she will have chosen to follow her violent impulses.

As already argued before, though, 1) Dany’s character can’t be dichotomized in that way because these facets - mhysa and mother of dragons - actually complement each other (as @yendany made clear in her most recent meta). Because Dany was the mother of dragons, she was able to act as mhysa way before she was hailed as such, which we see, for instance, when she kills the Astapori slave masters to free the Unsullied. Both of these identities manifest Dany’s fierceness when faced with great injustices. This is why, in ADWD, locking her dragon children prevented Dany from properly defending her human children… She needs to integrate both parts of her identity to be able to protect them. But Feldman couldn’t recognize that because 2) he accepts the peace deal that Dany made with the slavers as valid. Doing so would mean, however, ignoring the re-enslavement and suffering of thousands of marginalized people, which GRRM continually emphasizes in Dany's and Tyrion’s final ADWD chapters (read more about this here and here) to hammer home that the peace is false for prioritizing the slavers over them. Finally, 3) Dany is not a violent person nor does she have violent impulses. Feldman decontextualized the moments in which Dany uses violence from the standards of her time and place (read more about this here and here and here and here) to portray them in a more negative light than how they are actually meant to be viewed. Additionally, he conveniently left out all the moments in which Dany chooses to be merciful, from when she spares Yunkai and most of the Meereenese slavers (she didn’t do the same in Astapor because she was outnumbered and needed to protect her retinue) to when she doesn’t punish people who threaten or disrespect her to her face (such an envoy who spits at her face, a boy who tries to attack her, Xaro after he says he wishes he’d killed her), to give a few examples (read more about this in @rainhadaenerys's comprehensive meta). I would argue that Dany’s conflict is less about peace versus violence and more accurately about her tendency to be merciful versus her desire for justice (which, especially in the particular context she finds herself in, is unattainable without violence). In fact, I would go further and say that it’s distasteful to characterize Dany as someone “violent” or with “violent impulses” when, so far, she’s only used violence to a) defend and protect victims of (physical and systemic) violence and/or b) in circumstances in which her actions are no more problematic than those of any other leader of her world. And yet, the essayist portrays them as if they were (“To choose indiscriminate destruction over peace tends toward the evil”).

It’s also convenient that the essayist only talks about fire negatively (“Dany wields unmatched power that can “make or unmake at a word”—Dracarys—villages, armies and kingdoms”, “in the words of Maester Aemon, “Fire consumes.””) when it's also connected to life, rebirth, healing and enlightenment. And dracarys in particular is explicitly associated with freedom by the narrative while Dany frees the Unsullied (her decision, in turn, is associated with her future actions in the War for the Dawn). But acknowledging these things would make it harder to portray Dany as a Shakespearean tragic hero.

2.2) When it comes to Dany’s conflict between companionship and rulership … Again, the dilemma exists, but not in the way that the essayist presents it. What I mean is that they go out of their way to make it seem that Dany’s loneliness was the main factor driving her decisions, such as the liberation of the Unsullied (“She feels for the forced loneliness of the Unsullied, and it is loneliness that convinces her to commit violence in the plaza to free the slaves—just as it is in loneliness she chooses violence amidst the Dothraki Sea.”)... And not, y’know, her compassion and sense of justice (“Why do the gods make kings and queens, if not to protect the ones who can’t protect themselves?”), which are rarely acknowledged in this essay even though it’s arguably the main aspect of Dany's characterization. Why does the essayist do that? Because, since they are arguing that Dany is a tragic hero, they need to present Dany’s loneliness both as the reason why she achieved greatness and as the reason that will lead to her demise when she (supposedly) starts distrusting people, closing herself off and choosing violence (“the moral conviction she feels for her abolitionist crusade is part of the greatness that is also her tragic trait [...] She feels for the forced loneliness of the Unsullied, and it is loneliness that convinces her to commit violence in the plaza to free the slaves—just as it is in loneliness she chooses violence amidst the Dothraki Sea.”). As I said, however, doing so requires downplaying Dany’s compassion, as well as ignoring the fact that she does not close herself off to people in ADWD, nor is there any sign that this was seeded as a serious issue for her in future books (especially considering that her governance is meant to be contrasted with Cersei, the character who actually does close herself off to people. But more on that below when I talk about why Dany doesn’t fit the essayist’s third requirement).

Also, singling out rulership in particular as a reason for Dany to feel alone is conveniently selective (“Returning to Westeros means ruling Westeros - and ruling means loneliness”). All the major characters have reasons to feel lonely and isolated in their society because GRRM chose to focus on the underdogs. Their social standings are already enough to make all of them feel alone. As he said, “Tyrion of course is a dwarf which has its own challenges. Dany is an exile, powerless, penniless, at the mercy of other people, and Jon is a bastard”. You can also throw in Arya for being a young girl struggling to adhere to gender norms and Bran for being a disabled child. And that is just one example… There are a myriad of reasons and situations for various characters to feel lonely and isolated, but the essayist specifically chose to talk about how rulership causes that for Dany. And, considering that the essayist thinks that Dany’s rulership -> growing isolation and loneliness -> her ultimate downfall, it really feels like they’re punishing Dany narratively for acquiring and wielding power. Which leads me to the next point...

2.3) When it comes to Dany’s conflict between home and the Iron Throne, I would argue that that’s not really a conflict. Dany (like any feudal leader) believes she needs to retake the Iron Throne to stay in her homeland just like the Starks believe they need to retake Winterfell to stay in their homeland. Whether Dany finds herself at home in Westeros or not is irrelevant to that fact. And yet, the essayist only presents the former as being in the wrong for fighting for her birthright. However, as it's been already explained before, the Starks’ claim to the North isn’t morally righteous. They only have dominance over the North because, for thousands of years, their ancestors fought against, drove away and killed most of its indigenous population (the Children of the Forest), as well as multiple families who were also vying for control over the region. With that in mind, Dany fighting for her birthright isn’t any more problematic than the Starks enjoying the lands and privileges obtained with conquest and bloodshed, as well as the labor of peasants. One could argue that GRRM may have a double standard against Dany in this case (though it's been argued before that he doesn't intend to present the Iron Throne as a source of greed and evil like how fandom presents it) because of the order of the events and depending on whether he holds Dany accountable for more problems for waging her war than the Starks for having done/doing essentially the same thing, but that’s not what the essayist is doing. Instead, they a) take for granted that Dany is doing the wrong thing for fighting for the Iron Throne ("To delay the call of the North and continue to divide an already weakened realm is to give into dark desires.") and b) center all their speculations about her eventual demise based on that belief.

Ultimately, I would argue that none of these three dilemmas - peace versus violence, companionship versus rulership, home versus the Iron Throne - come with easy answers. When it comes to the first conflict, it’s important that Dany prioritizes the lives of the slaves over the privileges of the masters, but that causes more war and bloodshed. When it comes to the second and the third conflicts, it’s worth noting that the first options (which the essayist presents as the “good” ones) are actually the selfish paths for Dany to take. After all, she would rather live a normal life with a husband (companionship) in the house with the red door (home) - “She would rather have drifted in the fragrant pool all day, eating iced fruit off silver trays and dreaming of a house with a red door, but a queen belongs to her people, not to herself”. But, as the quote shows, instead of choosing these selfish goals, Dany accepts the burden of rulership and the fight for the Iron Throne because of her duty towards her people and ancestors. And, while this path leads to war (either in Meereen or in Westeros, though the former is morally righteous and the latter, while not inherently justified, is not any more problematic than Robb fighting for Northern independence), power is also the means through which Dany can make changes that benefit the common people.

With all that said, it’s ironic that Dany fans are often accused of flattening her character or her choices when it’s actually her detractors or “neutrals” (like the essayist) who do so - they are dead set on portraying Dany’s available options as either “good” or “bad” and on speculating that choosing the latter ones will lead to her downfall, but the text actually gives her conflicts in which all the options have their pros and cons.

The essayist also makes a mistake that isn’t really up to interpretation or difference in opinions. They say that, in AGOT Daenerys III, “after admitting this difficult truth [that Viserys will never take back the Seven Kingdoms], Dany assumes the goal for herself (and at the time, her son)”. That is incorrect. In AGOT Daenerys V, moments before Viserys’s death, Dany says she would have allowed him to have the dragon eggs because “he is my brother … and my true king”. Jorah doesn’t think she should still acknowledge him as such, but she tells him that “he is all I have”. So no, Dany hadn’t assumed the goal for herself at that point, she only took over his campaign in her son's name (not hers) after Viserys's death. But the essayist needs to exaggerate Dany's ambition to justify her demise, since they speculate that “in that hurt and betrayal, all that will be left - she will think - is the crown”.

3) When it comes to requirement 3 (prophecies and “influential accidents” - that is, events that “have roots in a character’s motivation”, as well as “the sense of ‘if only this had not happened’” - will “heighten and exaggerate [tragic flaws that] already [exist]” in Dany), the problem is not in cherry-picking or in double standards against Dany, but rather in the essayist’s lack of knowledge about Dany’s characterization. It’s simply not true that Dany’s distrust of people grows to the point that she closes herself off to them. Instead, I would argue that Dany is actually portrayed as someone with a healthy distrust of people. We know from the books (1, 2, 3, 4) that she finds it unlikely that Barristan, Grey Worm or Missandei would ever betray her, but that she doesn’t think she can rely entirely upon Reznak, the Green Grace, the Shavepate, Hizdahr and Daario. Do Dany’s doubts about these people’s intentions lead her to, as the essayist says, “push people away”? No. Through almost all of ADWD, she (wrongly, though understandably) believes that "until [freedmen and former masters stand together, Meereen will know no peace". Accordingly, Dany is willing to listen to the counsel of all of her advisors (both the ones she trusts and the ones she distrusts) to ensure that she makes informed decisions. To give some examples:

Dany allows “well spoken and gently born” people (i.e., not the typical condition of most former slaves, who are glad that Dany freed them) to sell themselves into slavery and imposes a tax each time men chose to do so like how it happened in Astapor (ASOS Daenerys VI). By making this decision, she agreed with both Missandei and Daario.

Dany employs the Unsullied to ask the Blue Graces if someone showed up with a sword wound and to ask butchers and herdsmen who’s been gelding goats (ADWD Daenerys I). By making this decision, she disagreed with Barristan.

Dany chooses not to punish any noble in response to the murder of Stalwart Shield and only increases the amount of gold for whoever gives information about the Sons of the Harpy (ADWD Daenerys I). By making this decision, she agreed with Reznak and disagreed with the Shavepate.

Dany gives up on banning the tokar and wears it herself (ADWD Daenerys I). By making this decision, she agreed with the Green Grace.

Dany (rightly) refuses to reopen the fighting pits for a while until she later relents in the name of the peace with the Meereenese nobles (ADWD Daenerys I, II, III, VI). By making this decision, she disagreed with Hizdahr, Reznak, the Green Grace and the Shavepate and agreed with Missandei.

Dany delays the choice of a husband until it becomes necessary later (ADWD Daenerys I). By making this decision, she disagreed with Reznak, the Shavepate and the Green Grace.

Dany chooses to pay the shepherds for the animals that they say their dragons ate (ADWD Daenerys I). By making this decision, she disagreed with Reznak.

Dany pays Hazzea’s father the blood price (i.e., one hundred times the worth of a lamb) for her death, lays her bones to rest in the Temple of the Graces and promises to pay for his children each year so they shall not want (ADWD Daenerys II). By making this decision, she disagreed with the Shavepate.

Dany allows the Shavepate to torture the wineseller and his daughters for information about the Sons (ADWD Daenerys II). By making this decision, she agreed with the Shavepate.

Dany imposes a blood tax on the noble families to pay for a new watch led by the Shavepate, takes the gold and the stores of food of any nobleman who wishes to leave the city and keeps two children from each pyramid as hostages instead of letting the nobles go unpunished after nine freedmen were killed by the Sons (ADWD Daenerys II). By making this decision, she agreed with the Shavepate and disagreed with Reznak.

Dany has Barristan and Groleo and his captains and sailors to inspect Xaro’s ships (ADWD Daenerys III). By making this decision, she agreed with Barristan.

Dany chooses not to go to Westeros despite being offered ships to do so (ADWD Daenerys III). By making this decision, she disagreed with Barristan.

Dany doesn’t kill her child hostages despite the Sons’ ongoing attacks (ADWD Daenerys IV). By making this decision, she agreed with the Green Grace and disagreed with the Shavepate.

Dany agrees to marry Hizdahr if he’s able to give her ninety days of peace in Meereen (ADWD Daenerys IV). By making this decision, she agreed with Hizdahr, the Green Grace and Reznak and disagreed with the Shavepate, Barristan, Missandei and Daario.

Dany refuses to gather the masters and kill them indiscriminately (ADWD Daenerys IV). By making this decision, she disagreed with Daario.

Dany doesn’t allow the Shavepate to continue his tortures due to their unreliable results (ADWD Daenerys V). By making this decision, she agreed with Hizdahr and disagreed with the Shavepate.

Dany refuses to use her dragons in battle (ADWD Daenerys V). By making this decision, she agreed with Reznak.

Dany decides not to take the field against Yunkai (ADWD Daenerys V). By making this decision, she agreed with the Shavepate and disagreed with Barristan.

Dany brings the food to the Astapori refugees instead of sending someone else to do it (ADWD Daenerys VI). By making this decision, she disagreed with Reznak, the Shavepate and Barristan.

Dany burns the dead among the Astapori refugees, bathes an old man and shames her men into helping her (ADWD Daenerys VI). By making this decision, she disagreed with Barristan.

Dany refuses to allow Hizdahr’s mother and sisters to inspect her womb and to wash Hizdahr’s feet before he washes hers (ADWD Daeneerys VI). By making this decision, she disagreed with the Green Grace and Reznak.

Dany decides to marry Hizdahr by Ghiscari rites and to wear a white tokar fringed with pearls (ADWD Daenerys VI). By making this decision, she agreed with the Green Grace and Reznak.

Dany allows Hizdahr to reopen the fighting pits (ADWD Daenerys VI). By making this decision, she agreed with Hizdahr, the Green Grace and Reznak.

Dany goes along with a peace agreement with the Yunkish slavers in which she’ll let Yunkai and Astapor reinstall slavery if they leave Meereen intact (ADWD Daenerys VI). By making this decision, she agreed with Hizdahr.

Dany holds court in order to, among other reasons, meet the Westerosi men that came over from the Windblown (ADWD Daenerys VII). By making this decision, she agreed with Daario.

Dany doesn’t accept Quentyn’s marriage proposal because she doesn’t want to abandon her people (ADWD Daenerys VII). By making this decision, she disagreed with Barristan.

Dany doesn’t ride a horse in a tokar to meet Hizdahr (ADWD Daenerys VII). By making this decision, she agreed with Missandei.

Dany decides not to sound out the Company of the Cats (even though she wanted to) because Barristan says he's untrustworthy (ADWD Daenerys VIII). By making this decision, she agreed with Barristan.

Dany attends the reopening of the pits (ADWD Daenerys IX). By making this decision, she disagreed with Missandei.

Dany allows the Brazen Beasts to guard her because she wants to show that she trusts them so that her people can trust them as well (ADWD Daenerys IX). By making this decision, she disagreed with Barristan.

Dany prevents Tyrion and Penny from fighting against lions with wooden swords. By making this decision, she disagreed with Hizdahr.

I didn’t include all of Dany’s decisions because she makes many of them on her own and/or without someone explicitly supporting them or opposing them (in fact, many of the ones above were made without any advisor giving her their feedback, but I listed them if they’re seen agreeing or disagreeing with her onpage anyway). That being said, note that Reznak is the one that Dany is most suspicious of (because he perfectly fits the description of one of the treasoners), but that five of her decisions follow his recommendations, in contrast to Barristan (the knight who she actually trusts and who keeps all her secrets) only having his advice followed twice. Also note that Dany “trusted Skahaz more than she trusted Hizdahr”, but she agreed with the former three times and disagreed with him eight times, in contrast to having agreed with the latter four times and disagreed with him twice. The list clearly shows that Dany listens to everyone’s feedback (including from people she distrusts), considers it carefully, makes her own decisions and handles dissent extremely well. Her actions reflect her own words (“A queen must listen to all. [...] One voice may speak you false, but in many there is always truth to be found”, “It seems to me that a queen who trusts no one is as foolish as a queen who trusts everyone”).

There is, however, one character who is seen only listening to people who agree with her and who distrusts and closes herself off to almost everyone - Cersei Lannister. And it’s especially worth noting that Cersei is meant to be “directly contrasted” with Dany, that the author was “doing point and counterpoint” with them and that each of them is meant to show “a different approach to how a woman would rule in a male dominated, medieval-inspired fantasy world”. In other words, Dany and Cersei are narrative foils, but Cersei’s traits are being transferred to Dany in this essay.

Also, I could just as easily create an entire narrative about how Sansa will end up closing herself off to people based on what we see on canon. She thought she could trust Joffrey, but she ultimately couldn’t. She thought she could trust Cersei, but she ultimately couldn’t. She trusted Sandor, but he left her. She tried to trust the Tyrells, but they ultimately disposed of her after she was no longer necessary. She tried to rely on Dontos, but he was a disappointment and was ultimately murdered. She doesn’t trust Littlefinger, but she needs to stick to his side because she has no better option. She considered telling the Vale lords her identity, but she doesn’t trust them. All of this feeds into Sansa’s distrust of others and will lead to tragic consequences. Indeed, as Sansa herself says, "In life, the monsters win". I bet that the essayist would find this whole speculation biased considering that they favor Sansa's character. But then, why is only Dany singled out as the one who is going to meet her demise even though it’s made clear that she continues to trust people through and through?

The essayist needs to say that Dany starts distrusting people to an unhealthy degree (“As Dany gains more power, [...] her focus on the treasons causes her to push people away, widening the gap between rulership and companionship”; ”The more power she gains, the greater her isolation and likely her fear of betrayal. The fear of betrayal is, of course, human. But GRRM has stated that he likes to turn dramatic situations up to 11, which is necessary to create the Shakespearean tragic hero. Dany’s fear must be larger than life.”), as well as to judge her campaign to take back the Seven Kingdoms based on double standards (“Dany’s great sin within the story’s moral order will have been focusing on the war for Westeros against Aegon VI before she turns to the enemy of the North”) compared to the Starks. If they didn’t do so, there wouldn’t be a reason to justify Dany’s demise. If they didn’t do so, the entire speculation that she’s a Shakespearean tragic hero falls apart. But saying that something is true doesn’t necessarily make it true, you need to provide the textual evidence (which they barely do … They assume that the reader will take almost everything they say for granted. After all, since there’s a prophecy foretelling that Dany will be betrayed three times, of course she’s going to distrust people way too much from now on).

There’s also another aspect of Dany’s relationship with prophecies that the essayist portrays inaccurately. They say that “the effect of this prophecy on Daenerys is multifaceted” for “[promising] greatness” (which, along with the also inaccurate statement that “part of Dany’s pursuit of the Iron Throne is born from a sense of destiny”, implies that Dany wants to be great or that she thinks of herself as great, none of which are true) and pushing her “further from the people who surround her”. I already questioned the latter statement, and the former is inaccurate too. After all, Dany has doubts that there are men in Westeros waiting for the Targaryens to return. The birth of the dragons has to do with the fact that Dany was able to put two and two together with clues from dragon dreams and Mirri's words, not because she thinks she's exceptional. Dany is not really sure that the red comet was meant for her. She followed its direction because the other paths weren't reliable and, even in Qarth, she's unsure that it was meant to guide her to success. Then she never thinks about it again. I'd expect otherwise from someone who thinks they're exceptional. Dany is surprised when told by Quaithe that she's the reason why magic is increasing in the world and never thinks or brags about it after their interaction. I'd expect otherwise from someone who thinks they're exceptional. Dany doesn't think she won any victories in the House of the Undying, she credits Drogon for burning the Undying Ones. She only allows Jhiqui to add a bell to the end of her braid because "the Dothraki would esteem her all the more for a few bells in her hair". Dany refuses to sit on the throne inside the Great Pyramid's audience chamber and chooses to sit on a simple ebony bench that the Meereenese think does "not befit a queen". Dany refuses the offer to have a statue in her image to replace the bronze harpy in the Plaza of Purification. I'd expect otherwise from someone who thinks they're exceptional. Dany is highly self-critical and, later in ADWD, thinks that she "was as clean as she was ever going to be" after taking a bath because she holds herself accountable for the upcoming slaughter in the opening of the fighting pits. I'd expect different from someone that thinks they're exceptional. Dany doesn’t think that the people who came to the reopening of the pits wanted to see her - “it was my floppy ears they cheered, not me”. I'd expect different from someone that thinks they're exceptional. Most of Dany's titles (the Unburnt, Mother of Dragons, Mhysa, Azor Ahai, etc) are given to her by other people, they're not self-proclaimed (not that there's a problem if they were, I'm only saying it to reiterate that Dany doesn't think she's exceptional). The ones that she assumes on her own are the ones that anyone who believes in birthright (i.e., everyone in her time and place, regardless of family, regardless of whether they're Targaryens) would assume.

4) When it comes to requirement 4 (Dany will (according to the essayist’s speculations) take actions that produce “exceptional calamity” and her demise will be “her own choice and doing”) … Well, we now enter the realm of speculation. It’s not impossible that Dany “will feel like a villain to the Westerosi, as she burns their villages and crops ahead of a hard winter” in the future. The problem here, once again, is in the double standards. Look at the way the essayist describes the likely reascendance of the Starks in the upcoming books - “With the death of “good” characters like Ned, the injury of innocents and moments such as the Red Wedding, ASOIAF as a story is not concerned with justice. But as the story progresses, we see that the way Ned ruled his people and raised his children contrasts with characters like Tywin and his methods. Much of the North seems to continue to rally behind the idea of the Starks, some with less “honorable” methods than others, while Tywin’s legacy begins to fall apart. Like in Shakespeare’s tragic world, there appears to be an order that arcs towards a higher idea of goodness that instills a dramatic satisfaction”. Like I said above when I questioned requirement 2, the Starks’ claim to the North is no more justified than Dany’s to the Seven Kingdoms. They have the advantage of having had their rule normalized throughout the thousands of years they ruled the North, but it doesn’t change the fact that, because they’re feudal lords, they still maintain a system rigged in favor of the nobles that promotes social inequality and extreme lack of social mobility. It doesn’t change the fact that there's no righteous form of feudalism. But only Dany is criticized in that sense by the essayist - “By nature, power breeds inequality, when one party has the ability to decide the fate of another. That inequality creates distance. As a queen Dany wields absolute power over the rest of her subjects and her court”. Which is pretty infuriating not only because the Starks are also morally grey in the sense that the essayist describes, but also because GRRM specifically mentioned that Daenerys is the ruler "who wants equality for everyone, she wants to be at the same level as her people". Additionally, if Ned left a legacy that motivated his people to fight against his enemies, so did Dany with the former slaves. But the essayist needs to ignore all of that to paint Dany as a Shakespearean tragic hero.

Even if we don’t take into account what TWOIAF reveals about the Starks’ ancestors, the main story itself often paints House Stark’s actions in a negative light. We see a peasant spitting at the mention of the Starks and saying that things were better with King Aerys II in power. We're told that Northmen looking for Jaime on Edmure’s orders burned a village called Sallydance and were guilty of rape and murder. It’s no wonder that the High Sparrow mentions the wolves along with the lions as threats to the septas. Also, thousands of soldiers died indirectly because of Robb’s decisions, as well as lots of people who remained north and became vulnerable to raping and pillaging due to his inability to hold Winterfell. And finally, when winter comes, the smallfolk will be affected by the actions of the northmen, who (like Dany might do in the future) already helped to disrupt the harvest and to leave the continent short on food. And yet, why is their future success framed as “an order that arcs towards a higher idea of goodness”? Why is Dany the only one who is said to be “giv[ing] into dark desires” by “divid[ing] an already weakened realm” when the Starks (framed as the heroes in the essay) did the same thing? This double standard gets infuriating when one remembers that Dany is the one fighting a war in the name of the disenfranchised (even though she is not connected to them by blood or lands or oath of fealty and doesn’t gain anything by helping them), while the Starks are (and will be, if they want to retake Winterfell) fighting a war because of personal injury (which, sympathetic as it may be, doesn’t justify the damage that they caused to the smallfolk). It gets even more infuriating when, as @rakharo pointed out to me, one remembers that, while Dany is trying to right the wrongs of the Valyrians by ending slavery in Slaver’s Bay, none of the Starks have acknowledged, much less tried to make amends for injustices perpetrated by the First Men against the Children of the Forest. It gets even more infuriating when one remembers that Aegon the Conqueror united Westeros in preparation for the War for the Dawn (something that GRRM himself confirmed), while the Starks’ ancestors conquered the North solely because of their greed. That's why Dany’s story can’t be effective as a tragedy: she’d be punished for starting to do what everyone else was doing after doing more than almost everyone else was doing.

5) When it comes to requirement 5 (Dany “[rose] high in position” and is “an exceptional being”, which sets her apart as a character that fits the mold of the Shakespearean tragedy because her reversal of fortune will highlight “the greatness and piteousness of humanity”), again, we’re in the realm of speculation. But there are some things to question as well. First, the essayist validates the criticisms that Dany “too easily ascends to a position of power” by using them as proof that she’s a tragic character. But that’s not really true, which becomes clear with a few comparisons: the Starks lost their father, mother and older brother throughout the story because of the Lannisters, which Dany also did; but her losses go beyond them: she also lost another brother, her first husband and her first child. The Starks had their direwolves given to them, Dany had to use her intuition and then literally walk into a fire to birth her dragons. Aegon the Conqueror used dragons to take Westeros, Dany conquered three cities without barely using hers. Jon Snow’s conflict in ADWD involves conciliating the Free Folk and the Night’s Watch after he makes decisions favoring the former group, while Dany’s involves conciliating the freedmen and the slavers after she makes decisions favoring the former group, which has a worldwide impact; Jon’s conflict has relatively low stakes (because it hasn’t involved the Others so far), Dany’s conflict leads to “half the world” wanting her dead. As these examples show, Dany suffered more losses than the Starks. Dany had to do a lot more than the Starks to find her animal companions. Dany became a conqueror primarily because of her military strategies and resourcefulness without relying on dragonfire like her ancestor. Dany faced greater opposition than her male counterpart Jon so far. As we can see, gaining power and retaining it has not been easy for Dany at all. Every single one of her accomplishments has been earned. But it sure is interesting that Dany’s supposed future tragedies must stem from her actions, but that her victories aren’t given the proper credit and acknowledged as being a result of what she also did as well.

And then the essayist declares something even more inaccurate: that Dany “overcame each obstacle that came her way” and that “Robb and Jon paid for their mistakes while Dany did not” (which, to the essayist, is evidence that “Dany’s fall is meant to stand in contrast as something grander than just one slip-up”).

First of all, Dany clearly did not overcome every obstacle that came her way. Saying so means ignoring all of her ADWD storyline (and it’s funny how Dany's detractors go from saying that she’s overpowered and hasn’t suffered consequences to accusing her of being a bad ruler precisely because she dealt with the negative consequences of her choices, lol). To recap, Dany had an indirect part in the wars outside Meereen because she left the Yunkish slavers’ wealth intact, which leads to terrible consequences - multiple city-states and sellsword companies joining forces against her, Astapor’s fall, the pale mare’s outbreak, the emergence of refugees from Astapor outside her city and the upcoming Battle of Fire. Dany had an indirect role in the wars inside Meereen because she left most of the Meereenese slavers alive with most of their wealth intact, which leads to terrible consequences - the Sons of the Harpy’s attacks and dozens of freedmen’s deaths. Additionally, Dany had an indirect role in Hazzea’s death because Drogon was allowed to roam freely and she had no way to train him or her brothers. All these problems culminate in Dany agreeing with a peace deal that, as already explained here, was inherently unjust for prioritizing the slavers over the freedmen. Dany had to learn that, as much as she wants peace and to plant trees, there are situations in which she can’t be merciful because violence really is the only way to achieve justice for the disenfranchised. (On the flip side, that’s one of the reasons why I’m critical of the theory that Dany accidentally burns King’s Landing. When she was merciful, as I just listed, great tragedies occurred (which is fine, it was a realistic exploration of what happens when you abolish slavery and try to do good). When she used fire and blood, great tragedies will occur too? Even though she would be acting just like the Starks or any other feudal lord by fighting for her birthright? The theory narratively punishes Dany in a way that it doesn't do with the Starks, which is why it's no wonder that it was created by someone with Stark/Stannis biases. Additionally, it validates the common belief that Dany is only meant to be a wartime queen, even though she’s already showed that she’s a good peacetime ruler.)

Second, is dying the only way to pay for one’s mistakes (considering that only Robb and Jon are listed as examples of characters who did)? I don’t think so. Consider Sansa. Didn’t she pay for the mistake of going to Cersei to tell her of Ned’s plan? I would say she did. I would say the author agrees - “Sansa was the least sympathetic of the Starks in the first book; she has become more sympathetic, partly because she comes to accept responsibility for her part in her father's death”. Similarly, Dany had to accept her indirect responsibility for the tragedies that I just listed (Hazzea, forgive me; No marriage would ever bring them back to life, but if a husband could help end the slaughter, then she owed it to her dead to marry.; “I should’ve gone to Astapor. [...] I am the queen. It was my place to know.”; “What kind of mother has no milk to feed her children?”). I would argue that Dany and Sansa both paid for her mistakes, which were acknowledged, made them suffer and influenced their character developments. But the essayist needs to say that Dany didn’t pay for them (or that she had an easy rise to power) to help to paint her as a Shakespearean tragic hero.

6) Now that the essayist’s five requirements have all been questioned, I would also like to mention positive prophecies and speculations related to Dany that are never brought up in this essay.

First, Dany is AA/PTWP/SWMTW. That was heavily foreshadowed (read more about it here) and built up to and, if it doesn’t happen, it frankly would be bad writing. After all, haven’t readers praised GRRM for the foreshadowing of Ned’s death (e.g., a stag having killed the mother direwolf in the beginning of AGOT)? Haven’t readers praised GRRM for the foreshadowing of the Red Wedding (which we see from Tyrion’s to Theon’s to Dany’s chapters)? And yet, the essayist thinks that Dany’s death will cause “the forces [to] become more even, making victory less sure, or the Others surpass the side of the living in strength” and that “the White Walkers gain Drogon, becoming one-on-one but with the White Walkers having the larger dragon.”

Second, Dany and Bran both have dreams in AGOT leading up to their magical awakening. Bran needs to fly to escape from the “cold” of the darkness below, while Dany needs to run from the “icy breath behind”. Both of these dreams culminate with Bran and Dany learning to fly and accepting their magical destinies, which will be important in the War for the Dawn. And yet, the essayist thinks that “by understanding that the concept of warmth is tied to companionship, we can understand that the cold, “icy breath” must represent the opposite: loneliness” to justify Dany’s demise. Instead, it's clear (especially considering the parallels with Bran) that "icy breath" is an allusion to the Others. But they can't acknowledge that Dany will have a crucial role in the War for the Dawn, otherwise their entire speculation falls apart.

Third, Quaithe was presented as the third of the three Qartheen envoys (after Pyat Pree and Xaro) that came to find Dany in Vaes Tolorro, which heavily implies that she breaks the norm and is the one person that Dany can trust. And yet, the essayist takes for granted that Quaithe’s “narrative connection to betrayal is already established”.

Fourth, Dany might as well be the prophesied betrayer, not the one who’s betrayed by three people (after all, she’s already been betrayed by more than three people - Jorah, Mirri, Pyat Pree, Xaro, Brown Ben, the person that gave her the poisoned locusts, etc). It would fit with the pattern of Dany being an active participant in the prophecies rather than a passive one (e.g. Dany is AA/PTWP, not the one who gives birth to the AA/PTWP or the one who dies as a sacrifice to AA/PTWP) even though, at first, the readership is expected to think otherwise. And yet, the essayist takes for granted that Dany will be betrayed because otherwise their entire speculation falls apart.

Fifth, Dany is foreshadowed to have a positive relationship with Jon because “the blue flower” from the “wall of ice” filled the air with “sweetness”. And yet, the essayist needs to say that Dany "[will push] Jon away [...] from fear of betrayal and hurt” and from worries that he might be a “usurper” (nevermind that they are mischaracterizing Dany as someone overfocused on retaking the Iron Throne and who closes herself off due to prophecies, none of which are not true, as I already showed above) because otherwise their entire speculation falls apart.

7) Finally, I would also like to ask: what’s the point of giving Dany a storyline like this? Not only because it would be unearned due to the double standards and the changes that would have to occur in her characterization, but also because Dany has a special place in the narrative. She is 1) one of the two women (along with Asha) claiming power in her own right and the only one that we actually got to see rule, 2) one of three Chosen Ones (along with Bran and Jon) and the only female one, 3) one of two POV revolutionaries (along with Jon) and the only female one (and the one whose storyline arguably has the most political messages since she’s fighting against human slavery), 4) one of two POV female rulers (along with Cersei) and the only one who’s been depicted as competent (because she subverts the Good Princess Evil Queen dichotomy), 5) one of two Targaryen conquerors (three, if Young Griff does indeed take Westeros) and the only female one - “Aegon the Conqueror with teats”, 6) the only major mother who isn’t sure to be doomed and/or hasn’t gone mad, 7) one of two Targaryen queens regnant (along with Rhaenyra) and the only remaining Targaryen woman who gets to have power after a long line of Targaryen women - Rhaenyra herself, but also Rhaena, Aerea, Rhaella, Daenerys (Alysanne’s daughter), Rhaenys the Queen Who Never Was, Baela, Rhaena of Pentos, Daena - who were disempowered. GRRM already has a terrible history with female leaders in particular. If he causes the downfall of another one (especially one who is also one of the five main protagonists) for such unearned reasons like the ones that the essayist laid out, there would also be sexist implications. It would make the only she-king that we saw wielding power onpage overly defined by violence and destruction in a way kings don't have to be depending on their actions, it makes the only competent POV female ruler look incompetent in comparison to the other POV male rulers and it makes her conquest a disaster while the other male Targaryen conqueror (two, if Young Griff takes Westeros) gets to succeed. And yet, death by childbirth is the only speculation that the essayist calls out as problematic (“death by childbirth is a uniquely biologically female phenomenon and would be punishing Daenerys for her sexuality”).

8) What I find insidious about essays like this one is that they pretend to be unbiased (I do not argue for the death of Daenerys as a judgement on her ethical/moral goodness as a character nor of the world she inhabits. I argue it on the strength of her characterization and story, that she should be able to encompass such intensity and greatness as to be considered as complex as all these other single-name headliners in literature.) even though they really aren't. To recap, the essayist portrays Dany as someone with "violent" impulses even though she's a merciful person in general, accepts the peace deal with the slavers as valid even though it prioritizes the slavers' privileges over the lives of marginalized people, only talks about the negative connotations of fire, downplays Dany's compassion and sense of justice, argues that Dany is losing her ability to trust others even though she isn't, says that Dany is negatively affected by promises of greatness even though she isn't, argues that Dany had an easy rise to power and didn't pay for her mistakes even though she did, paints Dany's campaign to take the Iron Throne in a negative light without doing the same with the Starks having dominance over the North and ignores Dany's foreshadowing as AA/PTWP, as well as her special place in the narrative. So it’s not that Dany stans are unable to accept Dany’s mistakes and flaws, it’s that people who dislike her can’t understand her characterization or acknowledge the double standards against her or accept her particular place in the story. At the end of the day, an essay like this one is no better than jonsa metas mindlessly hating on Dany because, just like them, as @semperty and @niniane17 made clear, it also creates speculations with the intent of making Dany self-destruct and become irrelevant to pave the way for their preferred characters. The only difference is that it's more successful at appearing "neutral" to someone who doesn't remember what happened in the books very well, especially because Dany has become a polarizing character for a variety of reasons and it's easy to buy into the Appeal to Moderation fallacy.

Also, as I said before, the fact that these Twitter 'neutrals' all misunderstand Dany's characterization, downplay her struggles and judge her by different standards actually makes me somewhat hopeful that she's getting a better ending, because how can their speculations come true if they don't know Dany at all? But then, it's hard to trust GRRM.

#daenerys targaryen #asoiaf meta #answered

[luna--reading]

[PICK A CARD] WHAT IS THE NEXT UNEXPECTED BLESSINGS COMING IN FOR YOU?

Hello lovelies~ ♡

This is a pick a card reading for “what is the next unexpected blessings coming in for you”. This is a timeless reading and you’re meant to see this right now! Please do find peace if it doesn’t resonate with you~ ♡

So take a few minutes to mediate on these 4 piles:

Left to right: 1 - 4

Once you’re ready, just scroll below to find the reading that you have chosen!

You can always leave a comment or simply like the post if it resonates with you, thank you so much~ ♡♡♡

Pile 1:

Tarot: The Star, The Fool

Oracle: A YEAR FROM NOW // FEELINGS – Emotions want to be felt. You really can’t surrender something until you deeply feel it. Allow me, dear Divine, to offer all emotions to You, feeling them fully so they no longer hold me captive! // TRUE LOLVE – Your wholeness and safety lie within, not from a partner. But this sovereignty actually leads to the deepest intimacy for you to stop using others. Let me stand on my own feet, dear Lord, and know True Love!

Okay, darling, I feel like this blessing or in fact, these blessings, that I see is going to come in continuously. It’s a continuous effort, I feel and I do feel that it’s going to be consistently flowing in for you within this one year. I do feel that there is a very strong love message here, so especially for those who are worried that you are not going to find a partner, or someone who is going to love you, the angels want you to know that yes, darling, you will get into a relationship. And I do see for most of you, it’s going to happen over the next 1 year. I do feel that this is someone that you’ve been manifesting, or it’s a wish fulfilment and I do feel that this new journey it’s going to be exciting and one that you’ve always been looking forward. The angels want you to know that you’ve been working on yourself, and they want to reward you with this major wish fulfilment, especially if love has been significantly on your mind. I do feel that this person is a true love and I do see a long-term commitment with this person. Be more patient, darling, is what I’m hearing. Over the next 1 year, you’ll start to see all of your manifestations coming together and that is because the angels are rewarding you for your hard work, so please continue working on yourself!

For another group of you, I’m also seeing a message of self-love. I feel like if right now, love is not something that you are looking for, then this blessing is that over the course of the next year, you’ll soon start to heal from past wounds and traumas, and love yourself again. Healing is going to take place over the next 1 year and I feel like you’ll find yourself back again so that you can start on this new journey. I do feel that you are asked to really get in touch with your own emotions and understand why you are feeling in a particular way. Only by understanding your true emotions, can you then allow yourself to heal from all of these past hurts and traumas. You are your greatest supporter, darling, and only by loving yourself first can you then attract the same energy back to you. Please start loving yourself more, darling, the angels have got your back and they are always here to protect and guide you!

Pile 2:

Tarot: King of Wands, Ace of Swords

Oracle: IF YOU BELIEVE // CREATIVE BLOCKS – If you are an artist of any kind, you can offer all work to the Divine, making it God’s alone. I offer this for the Highest Good to benefit the planet. Release me from any blocks and restrictions. May this serve all who need!

Okay, this is definitely my creative pile here! Darling, I feel like this blessing that is coming in for you is the surge of confidence in your own talents and gifts. Some of you may be an actual artist, a dancer, or just in any forms of creative fields. I’m also hearing motivational speakers for some reason. And I feel like maybe you feel like you’ve hit a road block recently, or just your talents and gifts don’t seem to flow as much as you would like it to. The angels want you to know that you have to have trust and faith in your own talents and gifts. I do feel that there is going to be an opportunity for you to shine again on stage, or in public, or just somewhere for you to allow your creative energy to flow again. But firstly, you have to regain that confidence again. You have to tell yourself that you belong on stage, in public, or even just through your daily work. You have to tell yourself that you are as talented and as gifted as others and you can definitely achieve your goals and dreams. I see you having that boost in confidence and allowing yourself to believe in yourself again. Darling, challenges and blockages are compulsory on our journey, but it’s how we overcome them to take in those important lessons. That energy is always within you, darling, but you’ve been fearful of allowing them to flow because of these challenges and blockages. Release those fears, darling, you are talented and gifted and everything will start to flow once you start believing in yourself!

Pile 3:

Tarot: 8 of Swords, 2 of Cups

Oracle: IT’S UP TO YOU // IMPATIENCE – My life is unfolding in Divine timing. All delays are beneficial. I’m always at the right place at the right time.

Now, darling, I feel like you might have been isolating yourself, or just wanting to be all alone recently, or even currently. There is this sense of you withdrawing from your social connections and just simply wanting to be alone. And I feel like this could be because of certain experiences that has resulted in you feeling like, you are being isolated from the rest. And it’s kind of like the energy of “I’ll isolate myself first before you can, so that it’s less hurtful to me that way”. You get what I’m trying to say? I feel like there’s a lot of unwanted thoughts that is causing you to create this barrier between you and your social connections and I feel like that could be due to anxiety or certain overthinking. Now, your thoughts and feelings are all valid, but I do feel that sometimes, you might be very stuck in your own thoughts and it’s just a downward spiral, resulting in this negativity that is around you right now. I do feel that you actually do have a lot of supportive, caring and loving relationships, connections around you, darling. But you aren’t seeing them, are you? I feel like if certain things didn’t unfold the way that you wanted it to (especially when it comes to social connections), you feel like people just don’t feel the same way as you do. So, this can be maybe a romantic interest and you thought that maybe that person doesn’t like you the way that you do. Or this can be a friend who maybe has rejected you on something and you feel like this person doesn’t treat this friendship the way that you do. But I feel like a lot of such rejections does have a story behind them. Maybe it’s not the right time, maybe this person doesn’t have the capability to do so, and so on. I feel like a lot of times, you tend to look at things from your perspective, because to you, you would do the same for others even if it isn’t the right time, or even if you don’t have the capability to do so. But darling, that is not healthy because firstly, you are not setting healthy boundaries for yourself and secondly, you should always put yourself first and not others. I feel like this period of “rejection” kinds of comes in as a lesson for you that you should always know how to set those healthy boundaries, and that only when you set those healthy boundaries, you can then attract the same energy back to you as well. You are not alone, darling, you do have a lot of people who are willing to support you. They love and care for you and those “rejections” from previously, they are here to protect you. Some things are not meant to happen, and maybe this is the angels’ way of telling you, you don’t have that capacity and capability to help everyone, it’s time to take a break. It’s time to free yourself from your negative thoughts and I feel like your blessing is that you’ll soon realise that you do have these people around you, but it’s really up to you if you’d accept this as a blessing into your life!

Pile 4:

PTarot: Knight of Pentacles, The High Priestess

Oracle: GET MORE INFORMATION // COMPANIONSHIP – When you fully bless and embrace your aloneness, you’re ready for the ones who are meant to be with you. May I welcome this solitude knowing it will open the way for all healthy relationships. // EMPOWERMENT – When you ask the Divine to take over, you get pulled into your own authentic power. It’s a force of inner love that WANTS your wholeness and magnificence. Unfold my true and radiant self, dear Lord!

Darling, I feel like there is some message or news that you’ve been waiting for and the blessing that is coming in for you will be this! I do feel that you’ve been working on something. This can be in regards to a work project, or an opportunity in the financial sector, or maybe even in regards to love and self-love. There is something that you’ve been putting in the work and effort and that I feel like as much as you trust the process, you might just feel that there is something that is still not revealed to you. Or you just feel that there is still certain information that is being hidden. I do feel that the angels want you to know that certain information that is being hidden from you now is to protect you and it’s just not the right time. And while there isn’t a clear timing of when this information is coming in for you, I do feel that it’s going to come in at the right time. And the angels want you to simply just trust in the process right now and continue working on this thing that you’ve been working on for so long. It’s really trusting that your angels have your back and that they are always here to protect and guide you.

I do feel that there is also this message of boosting of your self-confidence as a blessing for you. I feel like maybe you aren’t exactly seeing clear results or the results that you wanted in something that you’ve been working on and you are wondering if this is eventually going to work out. Angels want you to know that yes everything is going to work out and you have to trust in yourself. And empower yourself so that you can continue working on this thing that you’ve been working on for so long. These results are coming in slow but they are the most grounded and stable energies. Information, news, messages are all going to flow in for you soon darling, and most importantly, I see you taking back your power. Throwing away all fears and doubts, I see you being confident and empowered soon, darling!

#pick a card #pick a card reading #tarot reading #tarot #love reading #love #career reading #career #blessings

[iamanartichoke]

Why would Loki believe what Mobius tells or shows him? Frigga's death-film could be faked, Loki's responsibility for it might false, saying he always fails and causes death etc. ... where's the proof? Yes, the segments were selected to manipulate his emotions and align him with the TVA, and there's self-loathing, but he's also supposed to be smart and familiar with how lies work. Maybe he's playing along to escape and do what every Loki who ever existed and created a variant did: what he wants.

[please blacklist spoiler tags: #loki tv series spoilers, #loki series spoilers, #loki spoilers]

Well, here's the thing.

(under the cut for spoilers + length)

Objectively, I agree with you - that is, I fully recognize and agree with the characterization of Loki being intelligent and also manipulative (and therefore more than familiar with the art of lying), and I agree that it would be really, really hard to manipulate Loki without him realizing what you're doing and figuring out how to counter it and manipulate you in return (and you won't figure it out as quickly).

However. I don't think Loki is impossible to manipulate, or that his intelligence and innate capacity to lie (often and well) mean that he's immune to falling prey to someone else's schemes, when those schemes are rooted in/relying on all of the rawest vulnerabilities that Loki, as a person, possesses.

Loki's tragic flaw (or one of them, in my opinion) is that his emotions can and often do get the better of him because they are the result of how thoroughly and bone-deeply he hates himself. In Thor 2011, for example, Loki's initial plan evolves from trying to delay Thor's coronation into trying to simultaneously destroy Asgard's greatest enemy (and, presumably, destroy the monster within himself) and trying to prove his worth as a prince and a son to Odin. Were his plan to succeed, the only thing he would ultimately gain is validation that he has equal value to Thor. (Certainly he knows that Odin will wake up and Thor will eventually return; like, there are no long-term goals for keeping the throne here.)

Point being, everything he's orchestrating becomes motivated by emotion over logic and, ultimately, he doesn't really lose so much as he gives up because Odin rejects his plan - and, therefore, rejects Loki - and it hurts him so badly that he attempts to kill himself. He literally can't live with the pain it causes him.

So, I mean, we already know that Loki is deeply emotional and immensely insecure. We know that he's felt inferior and out of place his entire life, only to have those feelings validated by the revelation of his being Jotun and the rejection of his effort to prove himself as worthy as Thor.

We also know that a literally suicidal Loki ended up going through an extremely traumatic experience with Thanos and, furthermore, he has now failed pretty majorly in "taking over" Earth. Loki's in bad mental shape and, I mean, there's his proof right there that Mobius is right and that he always fails and causes death. He failed in Thor 2011 (and caused death). He failed in Avengers (and caused death). He believes himself to be worthless, deserving of rejection; he is emotionally unstable and has untapped reservoirs of pain under the surface.

He is, in other words, in an absolutely ideal place to be manipulated by Mobius. He doesn't seem to believe what Mobius tells or shows him at first - asking where Frigga is being kept, not believing the events that haven't happened to him yet, arguing back against every point Mobius makes, etc. But, as the scene wears on, you can tell he's becoming less and less sure that it's a falsity and more and more uncomfortable and upset because Mobius is unrelentingly digging at everything Loki's ever feared about himself.

That's the state Loki's in when Mobius selectively shows him the most painful scenes from his future.

Not to diagnose Loki, bc I am not qualified to do so, but to project a little bit - as an emotionally unstable person myself, who has struggled with mental health for as long as I can remember, I can very easily see how Loki would believe Mobius at that point.

It's like, imagine that you have all of these fears about yourself and they color the lens through which you view the world. I mean, Loki's experiences have definitely contributed to his poor self worth, and his family and culture have fucked him up - no imagined slights here - but when you hate yourself enough, it can alter how you perceive every little thing.

You may blame yourself a little harder for things that aren't your fault. You may too quickly assume that someone else thinks the worst of you when they may not think anything in particular about you at all. You may feel completely and utterly alone and hopeless about that ever changing because why would anyone want ever want to love someone as worthless as you?

Now imagine you've done some really bad things and, deep down, you feel guilty about them. You didn't enjoy doing them, but you did enjoy how powerful they made you feel, and that makes you a bad person, too. You weren't even wanted as a baby, for fuck's sake; you were literally abandoned for no discernable reason besides possibly being a runt, aka being born wrong.

These are all things you feel, and then here comes this person who is showing you events that have happened that he shouldn't know about, he's telling you information about yourself that he shouldn't have, he's showing you that he's got the resources to figure you and your life out and then he tells you to your face - while showing you even more failure and death in your future - oh hey, everything that you fear and everything that you feel? Yeah, that's all valid. You are irredeemable. You are responsible for death and destruction. You are unwanted, both by your family and by existence itself. You're only here so that others can have someone to stand on while they climb to the top. You killed your own mother because you're so selfish and vengeful! God, how do you even live with yourself, you destructive waste of space?

I mean, again, call me biased and paint me as projecting my mental illnesses on Loki but if it were me, no amount of intelligence or experience with lies would be enough to not believe every single word Mobius said about me (and about the situation).

It's certainly possible that Loki is playing along to escape; I mean, we know that he does eventually escape, though whether he gets captured again or not remains to be seen. But I think that, at the conclusion of the episode, Loki has just been broken down enough by everything he went through that day (it was a really rough day for Loki) that he's like, yknow what, just - okay, fine, tell me what I have to do bc I'm all outta options here.

(Actually, to be completely honest, I think there's both going on - Loki is resigned to being stuck with the TVA but also he probably recognizes that, at some point, he's going to get the opportunity to escape and might as well play nice until it comes along.)

So, yeah - I completely buy how that scene went down in regards to Loki believing Mobius.

#thank you for the ask! #asks #charlotte replies #loki tv series spoilers #loki series spoilers #loki spoilers #loki pokey artichokey #i will never be over loki #mobius dick #tw mental health #tw suicide attempt mention #tw suicidal ideation #tw depression #tw gaslighting #tw psychological abuse

[fruitless-nonsense]

Hello again! A bit of a delay I know, had some personal life stuff, but I’m back babey!

Firstly, I want to say Happy Pride Month! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 I myself have only recently come out, but to all my peeps in the lgbtq+ community I wish you a month of celebration.

For the topic, I chose one that has been circling in my brain since some asks last week gave me a revelation: I will be discussing kolvina, and more specifically the direction the writers chose for a one Davina Claire.

This ship has always been an anomaly to me, like when it was happening on my screen I was in denial that it was happening at all, and the perceptions on this site have only fueled that feeling. I’ve been watching these communities for a few years now, and the general consensus is people both love and hate this ship, and both sides seem to be equal in numbers. So what is my opinion on kolvina? Well after much deliberation I have decided that.... I don’t like it, and here’s why!

First thing’s first, I want to say I understand this ship better than any other ship in both shows, honestly if the characters acted differently it would’ve been a lot better. The dynamic is there (and I know how important that is to people), not just a trope, but between both characters it works! Let me explain, starting with Kol. Season two goes into depth on his insecurities with his family and how lonely it made him feel over the years. I mean, the show always potrayed the big three: Klaus, Elijah, and Rebekah with the strongest bonds and while Finn chooses to exclude himself (for valid reasons tbh) Kol even in the vampire diaries wanted to be a part of that. The problem is (for some reason that is never explained) his siblings don’t care about him. The easiest example is how they reacted to his death, Rebekah was upset for a minute and Elijah didn’t even seem affected at all, the closest I can say is Klaus was angered and didn’t forget for a while, but as soon as the originals started nothing. Then we have his second death where Klaus takes the only opportunity to bring him back off the table and the only one who seeks to try is Rebekah, meanwhile Elijah is nowhere to be found in this department. This finally brings us to Davina. As much of an issue as this is (and we’ll talk about it later), Davina seems to be the first person to ever put Kol first. When he dies a second time, Davina’s number one priority is his resurrection and goes to incredible lengths to do so. I know people say it’s unrealistic for Kol to take interest in a mortal, but it makes sense to me, she’s a witch. From what we learn, Kol has a soft spot for witches cause he yearns for the power that was taken from him by his mother, which doesn’t even go into Davina herself being a rebel like him who paved her own way. Onto Davina’s feelings towards him, Kol’s the only person in her life that is there unconditionally. I know Marcel loves her, but his loyalty to his family clearly comes into conflict with his loyalty to his other family, including her. Klaus either ruins her life or demands things from her. Cami was there for her, but they scrapped that relationship after season one. When Kol is by her side, it’s not cause he needs things from her, nor is he there as some kind of protection. In season two, Davina had a plan and Kol’s response was “okay, I can assist you with that.” Side note, I really liked their friendship in season two before they of course made it something more. Regardless of the past, all of this material would’ve made for a pretty great relationship, but it fell flat, why did that happen?

I have two reasons for why I could never get on board with them. The first is the most obvious: it’s the age difference for me. I know we had Damon and Elena and Klaus and Caroline, but for kolvina the vibe was weirder. Perhaps because Davina acts more childish than them in season one, or because our image of her was young and sweet. It might also have to do with Kol referring to being Kaleb as the body of a teenager making him seem way older than he probably is. I know by season three Davina is 18, but that feeling never goes away for me. This was my hesitance in season two, but as a friendship those two were pretty fun together (might be an unpopular opinion). The problems start in season three.

The second reason is something that the community has kind of dipped into, but not enough. I don’t know if I’m not looking hard enough, but every complaint for kolvina in season three talk only about how insufferable Kol was, which yeah definitely, but honeys he’s only half the problem. Not even halfway through season two Davina stopped being a character. Remember her in season one? A bright spitfire who wasn’t afraid to speak up at the injustice of the Mikaelson’s even if it put her at risk? The girl who showed up Klaus on multiple occasions? Who stood for Josh, Marcel, Cami, and anyone else being pushed around by Klaus? The girl who was powerful, yet kind? A powerhouse set up on a warpath against the Mikaelson’s for season two? I remember her! She was one of my favorite characters because of how badass she was while still keeping her agency. I don’t blame you if you forgot she’s never talked about, and that’s because of what follows. Season two starts off well, with Davina standing her ground against the wolves and keeping Mikael under control showed she wasn’t completely in over her head. Her plan is to find a way to de-sire Klaus’ sireline so she doesn’t kill Marcel and Josh which shows she’s smart and thinking ahead. Then she meets Kaleb, and it goes downhill from there. I get that Davina is supposed to be a naive teenage girl, but that doesn’t excuse after she finds out Kaleb is really Kol. After her Mikael plan fell through her backup plan is to just sit around until Kol shows her the room and tells her about the dagger. With what she’s trying to accomplish it’s a smart plan, but that doesn’t mean her sudden trust in Kol is any less stupid. Her first thought when he’s gone with the stake is to assume he took it and left, so if she thought he was capable of that, why did she drop her guard in the first place? Gets me frustrated. When Kol dies Davina also completes the dagger and for the rest of the season does nothing with it, she does nothing period but whine about Kol with everyone she interacts with which is annoying considering how much she was a part of in season one. That was bad, but the worst is yet to come. Season three gives her a storyline as a ruler of the witches before immediately ending it, and when you look at what they threw away it’s even worse. So Davina gets Hayley to kill one of her detesters and it ends in a bloodbath and the son vows justice for his mom (which is completely valid), and Marcel hints at her turning into Klaus. This is promising, in this scenario Davina is Klaus holding power over the powerless, and Van Nguyen is Davina taking a stand. Very interesting, until she gets shunned in the seventh episode. What was the point? The next time we see her she is distraught at her current predicament, but not because she’s cut off from her people and her ancestors because now she doesn’t have the power to bring Kol back (of course it’s for no other reason). I just don’t understand why Davina was relegated to a side character in the later seasons after all she did in season one. They couldn’t have cut anything else from 3a (Tristan and Aurora perhaps, they were so boring)? Finally, we have her characterization after she resurrected Kol, nothing. She does nothing but wait in the wings for Kol to finish helping his family, a family she hated and had every right to. She either does nothing, or is only around to help with Kol’s sudden curse, and yet Kol is supposed to be worse. I know, I know, the big bad Kol Mikaelson became a lost puppy chasing after Davina, but so was she. They were just as bad as each other, two puppies chasing the tail of the other. Then she died, to push forward the plot around her. If you think that’s treating her like a plot device, let’s fast forward to season four. Davina Claire, harvest girl, rebellious teen, former queen regent of New Orlean witches, is a piece of leverage to control Kol. I’m done. There’s not much to say about season five, she only shows up to spout information and that’s about it.

It’s a sad end that Davina doesn’t even get an epilogue in the finale (I mean I have many problems with the finale regardless but I digress). Our only conclusion is that she lives happily ever after with her immortal boyfriend. Oh yeah! They never explain that caveat. She’s a mortal witch who will eventually die of old age, and he’s an original. I’m either supposed to assume Davina becomes a vampire (which would be the most out of character thing for her to do considering she hates vampires and loves her magic), which would mean women making personal sacrifices while the man doesn’t have to give up a thing (such a wonderful lesson we keep telling young women), or Kol became mortal by maybe also taking the cure with Rebekah (which makes a bit more sense since we know Kol misses doing magic). The point is, we don’t know, cause they don’t explain anything.

Look Davina wasn’t the perfect character, but she deserved so much better than what she became, and the worst part is this is barely talked about. Like I said, when people hate on kolvina, they approach it from “they ruined Kol!” And not really mentioning Davina. You’ll notice I mention Kol’s characterization, but I’m not going in depth. That’s cause you can easily find a more articulated response on how they did Kol dirty without having to look too hard, but Davina? She needs all the shoutouts she can get. Cami is overhated, and Davina is ignored. That’s two female regulars in the cast being treated terribly by the community and I will not stand for it! I wanna see Davina Claire deserves better cause she did.

To wrap up a very long post, we need to talk about Davina more, when I said season three was better than tvd I wasn’t referring to 3a, justice for the women of the originals, happy pride month, I’ll try to post more frequently.

#davina claire #anti kolvina #kol mikaelson #the originals #season 3a is wasted opportunity period #Davina Claire deserves better #she really does #women of the originals #klaus mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #rebekah mikaelson #finn mikaelson #the mikaelsons #marcel gerard #wasted female friendships

[winderlylandchime]

I'd like to know your opinion about Ethan "Ian" as a character and his storyline in general. Aside for all the cheating plot, how long do you think Justin would have stayed with him? I feel like the writers took the easy way out here. Also I would've preferred it if Brian hadn't interfered with the "there's nothing noble about being poor" speech. It seemed a little ooc. I was so proud of him until this little thing.

Hi there! Sorry for the delay in answering! I got my second vaccine two days ago and yesterday I was a miserable pile of achey joints and fever (to be expected, far better than covid, would 10/10 do it again, will still be wearing a mask and distancing...)

Ahhhh season 3.

First off, can we discuss the writers and how the Jewish characters they wrote (Ethan/Ian and Melanie) were not anyone’s favorites? Ick.

Secondly, I see so much potential in this arc. Justin, at 19, should have the opportunity to experience monogamy, to experience someone who uses their words in a traditional sense to express affection, to experience a more traditional relationship with someone his age and at his life experience. I wish he could have experienced all that and then rejected it because it wasn’t him. (would have saved us all the season 5 heartbreak too)

But no, the writers chose to do two things that spoiled this: gave Ethan a career making contract that require he remain closeted and then had him cheat on Justin. The contract was really the game changer. That Ethan didn’t value his identity enough to turn it down for himself but only for Justin set up a super unhealthy dynamic (Justin forever feeling guilty for taking this chance from Ethan, Ethan eventually resenting Justin when he doesn’t get another big break). I think Brian pushing Ethan to take the contract was more to demonstrate that Justin couldn’t go back into the closet, for Ethan or anyone. I didn’t see it out of character for Brian, who is always working behnd the scenes to do things for (in his view) the good of the people he loves (e.g. getting Melanie to return to Linds, saving Ted from Stockwell, throwing the birthday party for Michael and outing him to his coworker, getting Emmett to forgive Ted, even paying Justin for the Carnivale poster). What did seem OOC is that Ethan, the proud descendent of a Holocaust survivor, would sacrifice his identity for success.

And the cheating. Ethan cheating on Justin just muddied things. Sure it demonstrated to Justin that words are cheap and that Brian never lied to him but it made it so he didn’t experience true monogamy. so Justin didn’t leave becasue he decided monogamy wasn’t for him. He didn’t leave because he couldn’t be with someone who would ask him to go back into the closet. He left because he was cheated on. Not that that isn’t a good and valid reason to leave! But in terms of character growth, all Justin gets is Brian never lied to him.

In terms of fics that deal well with the whole Ethan thing.

I really like this reimagining: Homecoming by LaVieEnRose (M, 14364 words) I know I’ve recc’d it a million times but it’s so well done and it’s one of a very few fics that doesn’t treat Ethan like a cartoon character villain.

And this one has Justin and Ethan breaking up for other reasons (I believe she wrote it after season 2 so no one knew how their relationship would play out) and the difficult journey of Brian and Justin reuniting. Of note, the link leads to another tumblr post with Myrna’s 4 part series linked there and in order. Because it’s not on AO3, I don’t know word count or rating, but it’s so so so well written.

This is a WIP by @lostcol that also deals wonderfully with the Ethan arc! (M, 27864 so far)

#thatajthings answers #dear anon #qaf discourse #queer as folk #ethan gold #justin taylor #brian kinney #fic rec

[thecandywrites]

Blood For Gold Chapter 13

Wooo! It has been a while dearies. Let's see, my baby sister's husband, so my brother in law got diagnosed with Lupis which at this point is a relief that it's not his cancer coming back so there's that. My parents rushed down to AZ to be with my dying grandparents and are trying to let them pass from the comfort of their home without having to go into a nursing home, hospice called us and said 'you should come down and say goodbye while they still know who you are' so we all rushed down to do just that and I just came back from a week down there doing that which was emotionally draining and devastating. My other sister's dog tore a ligament and needs a 5k surgery to fix it. This particular sister has no kids and her dogs are her kids, which is perfectly reasonable and valid. And my Chron's Disease is flaring and trying to kill me for the...I've lost count of how many times it's tried to kill me for the 25 years I've had it, (I'm 35, just to put that into perspective) and I have an emergency colonoscopy on the 6th that I need to prepare for.

So sorry for the delay on updating this story, I've been meaning to update this for A VERY LONG TIME and mentally I knew exactly how I wanted to write it, I just had no time, energy, drive or opportunity to write UNTIL TODAY. So you are getting this hot off the presses and I want to pick up and GO GO GO before my life completely falls apart.

Again so many thanks to @kriskukko for letting me use her still gorgeous, still amazing, still epic REGENCY ERA ORC ART. Just...still in love with it.

Thanks to @punkhorse96 for all your amazing feedback. Now, we get into THE DANGER ZONE. Much plot, so sex, big TORN. Enjoy. *evilly cackles*

Blood For Gold

Chapter 13

Your family completely monopolated your time the moment they came and wouldn’t let you out of their sight and you couldn’t get a moment’s peace or solace, except when it came time for the masquerade ball at the Midnight Peacock, then everyone seemed to disappear and leave you alone to change and you couldn’t hardly wait for tonight, Axal told you that The Red Velvet Rope was hosting this particular masquerade ball so all of the brothel’s workers would be there along with almost all the other moura individuals in all of London would be there tonight.

It was going to be your first time going and you had brought out your new masquerade dress that you had made in your “widowhood” because while you recovered from your mourkatilli addiction, and healed from the other trauma and abuse, you needed a project to keep you occupied.

It was a special one, it was reversible with a twist. It was really four outfits in one. A skirt with two different layers, and each layer was reversible and a top that was sewn and embroidered in such a way that it was four tops in one, each one to also coincide with one of the layers of the skirt. So if you wore it “normally” and “inside out” and “right side in” on each layer, you would have four unique outfits and you had embroidered all four layers in two of the styles of tops, when not being worn on the outside would roll up and give you something of a push up bra, so that it would appear in such a way that it would look like one scene one way and in the reverse, a completely different one but still in the same shapes in an elevated double embroidered piece. It was some of your best work to date. And you had a fabric mask pinned into each skirt so that the masks you wore changed with it, and you wore your hair in such a way that it could change, from up, to half up and half down to fully down and in a variety of ways and Axal had told you that Ramsey had confided in him that the place had “changing” rooms where you could change your outfit as needed, in case you needed to change yourself throughout the night. So you left the Palace of Windsor in one of your more “flashy” and luxurious facets, complete with a cape that was also reversible with your family.

Once at the place you immediately left your family and “changed” into the most simple and understated of the four, a black embroidered top and simple black skirt with no embroidery, it was simple yet elegant and began looking for Demsey Draft, because you needed to warn him about the other mouras that had come as well break off any connection with him so that you couldn’t be implicated later because the last thing you wanted was for Duke Demsey Voyambi to know that you had ever set foot in a whorehouse. You wanted him to feel and know that if the attraction you had to him was returned by him, that you would be loyal to him and he would have your complete fidelity and you would leave Mr. Demsey Draft where you found him, in your hopefully long forgotton past. A woman was allowed to go a little wild in her mourning right?

Meanwhile Demsey had done the same, only he didn’t have any reversible outfits, instead he went straight to the “coat room” and “rented” a change of clothes, he had to find Audra Draft and break things off with her, and solely pursue Sultana Audravienne.

And like clock work, only moments after going around the place, looking for Mr. Draft, when you found your prize, coming out of the changing room, dressed how you thought he’d be, simple, rather plain but dignified.

“Mr. Demsey Draft?” You asked once you found him.

“Miss Audra Draft,” He smiled in relief that he found her, or rather, that she had found him although why she insisted on calling his last name of Draft, maybe she was trying to give him a pseudonym to protect his real identity as you were thinking the exact same thing, although tonight would be the last time you would ever answer to such a name as your moura marks lit up like fireworks again, practically glowing and pulsing through your clothes and on your skin as Demsey flushed with desire because that was going to be one of the many things he was going to miss about Miss Draft.

“Might we have a word?” You asked, even though your heart was screaming for one last release with him before you cut things off with him completely.

“Yes, by all means.” He agreed as you took his hand and led him away to a private booth in the little restaurant side of the place as most had gathered in the dance hall and were already beginning to dance the night away.

“Before anything else, I must tell you that after tonight I must break all contact with you, you see, I’m going to be pursuing a very wonderful woman, and I can not do so with any prior attachments or engagements, she is the kind of woman who deserves whole hearted and whole souled devotion.” He began as your heart was relieved and happy for him but broke at the news as your moura marks stopped pulsing and flashing, instead, simply faded to a rose gold then stopped which broke Demsey’s heart to see as he recalled how the Sultana's marks flashed rose gold when she was upset or sad. It still must have been a universal moura thing, he supposed.

“Well isn’t that a coincidence, I came to find you to tell you something similar. I also found someone, a wonderful man actually, who I wish to pursue whole heartedly and without reserve.” You replied.

“So...The Red Velvet Rope is no longer…” Demsey began.

“Part of my life? No. Never, you?” You asked.

“Same, I will never set foot into it again.” He professed.

“Probably for the best. So, I know you wish to probably keep certain things private, and I don’t expect you to tell me who it is that has captured your attentions and affections, and whoever she is, I can only hope and pray that she is worthy of them.” You offered, feeling much more than a pang in your heart, much more than you were expecting anyway, the whole day you had prepared yourself for this moment, rehearsing what it was that you wanted to say to him. He was, after all, just a manwhore in a whorehouse, you shouldn’t have any real emotional connection with him and it should be easy to walk away, but now that it was happening, your heart, soul and body screamed for the reverse. It felt like it had been too long since you got to hold him in your arms, kiss his sweet mouth and marvel at the way his body seemed to always meld and mold to yours and bring you the sweetest of releases.

“Thank you, and likewise.” Demsey graciously offered.

“Out of curiosity, you don’t have to answer if you don’t wish to, but the woman you are going to be pursuing, is she an orc like you?” You asked curiously.

“No, she’s actually, um,” Demsey began before he cleared his throat awkwardly.

“She’s moura.” Demsey confessed.

“Oh, well in that case...I know...or rather, I have heard.” You rephrased, not wanting to tell on yourself too much as Demsey smiled sadly at you as you cast your gaze away from him guiltily as you felt tears prick your eyes as a strange panic seemed to grip your chest.

“I have heard that there are many mouras here, and new ones have come into England fairly recently. Please beware, there are some mouras who are not “typical” and perfectly lovely and good people and others who are actually true to the typical type cast. Surely you have heard the saying that “a moura’s beauty is always outmatched by their greed for wealth and power.” There are some who prove that saying false, and some who prove it true. Please beware of the latter and make sure that the woman who has caught your eye is the former, for only ruination follows the latter’s footsteps.” You tried to gently warn him, fearful he had seen Benny and fallen in love with her like any other orc male had.

“I will, and if you will do me the same honor. Would you tell me what kind of man has caught your attentions and affections?” Demsey asked, even though part of him didn’t want to know and part of him was wishing it was a proper moura, so she would be with her own kind who would understand and sympathize with her and treat her the way she deserved, which was an invaluable treasure, whether she was "tainted" or not.

“He’s an orc. Although I do not know if he leans more towards the old orcish ways and culture or if he will hold true to the English ones although I guess there are some things that are similar in both cultures. I am at a loss as to how to pursue him and what will reach him and prove that myself and my own intentions are true, and how to prove to him that I’m one of the atypical moura’s unless he has already judged me to be typical then I am at a loss for I know at least one member of his family already has but I’m hoping he does not share their views. Because first impressions are usually the most firmly set and hardest to prove otherwise, no matter the word or deed.” You confessed and Demsey felt his rage begin to flare, the moura before him was clearly not the power hungry type. Anyone with half a wit could discern that about her, much less see it with their own eyes.

“Is he….is he a commoner or is he gentry?” Demsey asked, feeling actual panic whirling in his chest, he knew his brother had gone to The Red Velvet Rope and if Sierge had found her, he could be charming and could talk his way into any woman’s knickers if he really tried but Sierge would no sooner bed her before he shamed her for doing so. Sierge was his brother but Sierge was also a rake and downright dangerous to any woman’s honor.

“He is in the gentry. That’s why it gives me pause, so far he has been a dream, a perfect gentleman and he comes from a good family and noble business. There is nothing about him that gives me hesitation except that I do not know if he shares the attraction. He may just be very polite and friendly and I’m reading too far into his gestures or he may already share his opposing family’s views of what a moura can typically be. But...he’s worth pursuing if he does share the attraction, I was hoping I would find him tonight and I could feel him out for it, if not, there are others that are pursuing me. And...I don’t know how much longer I can hold out, or if...if I should just forget all of it and be better off alone.” You confessed as your own panic settled in that you would never see the man across from you in this tiny little booth, barely big enough for two, ever again. It was like you were magnetically drawn to him and you were helpless to fight against it in his company.

“But in any case, I will miss you, and I will remember our brief moments together with fondness.” You offered as you fought the tears in your eyes as your gold moura marks faded to a dull brass color, Demsey had never seen anything like it before, it gave him the most worry, since he had almost become accustomed to reading the Sultana’s marks like her facial expressions.

“You are too good.” Was all Demsey could say, his own heart breaking that he was going to lose, forever, the one other woman he felt any real connection to.

“So are you. Whoever she is, if she ever gets to bed you, she’s in for a treat.” You tried to tease with a grin but the bittersweetness in your eyes cut him to the core.

“Goodbye Mr. Draft, may life treat you well and may the woman who captured your attention be worthy and return it and show you the same loyalty and respect you will surely show her.” You offered as you did your best to get out of the small booth to get away before you cried your eyes out right there at the table as you damned yourself for being unduly attached to a manwhore in a whorehouse rather than Duke Demsey Voyambi who you were sure was probably a much better man but still, your heart already ached at Demsey Draft’s absence.

He seemed to take your cue and got out of the booth as well as you curtsied in place as he bowed respectfully before you turned on your heel and tried to get away.

But you had barely taken two steps before Demsey quickly took three steps to catch your arm in his hand which caused you to stop and turn and turn right into his other hand that framed your face and brought it to his own as he gave the hottest, most soul scorching kiss of your life and you’d be lying through your teeth if you tried to say that you protested. Your body betrayed you as you kissed him back and glued yourself to him as your marks revived and started to pulse and flash again.

“One last time?” Desmey pleaded when you broke for air.

“One last time.” You readily agreed before you grabbed his hand again, saw along a far wall a room with the words “pairs dressing room” above the doorway and quickly ran with Demsey following you, his hand tightly grasping yours, weaving through the crowd and pushed a five pound note into the abbess’s hand and took the last available “pair’s changing booth” which was really just sex booth with a bench in it as you pushed Demsey to sit down as you readily straddled his lap as he undid his pants as you hiked up your skirts and stripped out of your Dorierran panties and seated yourself onto him and began to ride him in earnest as he partially undressed you, undoing your top and tossing it aside, still marveling at your moura moura marks as they pulsed and glittered even in the low light as your eyes practically glowed gold as well in the lower light of the darkened closet since there was only a lone candle burning in the corner as his hands went under your skirts and grabbed good handfuls of your arse and helped move your pelvis over himself so that your ground down deliciously before reattaching his mouth to yours and kissed you for all he was worth, pouring every ounce of his heart and soul into it before leaving hot, lisentious kisses on your neck and chest, capturing those oh so precious pulse points as you undid his collar so you could feast on his own neck and chest and once it was revealed you bit down his neck as he growled dangerously and hissed in pleasure and moaned when you soothed your mark with your tongue before inflicting a second, a third, and fourth and losing count after that as your mouth then moved to his collar bone and his very sensitive nipples, which he did appreciate your attention to as he did the same to you, because for this brief moment, you were his, for the last time, he was going to leave evidence that you were his, for this all too brief, but glorious moment, that nothing else mattered but your pleasure and once you shuddered and keened as your legs shook from the first orgasm as your moura marks lit up the room and glowed like soft sunshine as the orgasm seemed to flood your senses, he was picking you up and pinning you against the wall and driving up into you almost mercilessly but you loved every bit of it as you clung to him.

“Please Demsey, my dearest, darling Demsey, please, cum in me, fill me.” You pleaded desperately into his ear as you were near tears from how amazing and spectacular this was.

“Not yet.” Demsey cooed in your ear.

“Demsey please.” You begged as you felt another orgasm approaching and he still would not stop and that one nearly made you black out from pure ecstacy as the room lit up even brighter because that orgasm was bigger and more intense than the last and then he set your practically limp body down on the bench and went to his knees and replaced his cock with his mouth onto your already overly sensitive sex and ate you out like it was his first real meal after months of fasting as he settled your legs over his shoulders as the light that continued to pulse and glitter on your moura marks on your thighs and legs and lower belly provided all the light he needed as you laid back onto the bench as your pelvis rested in his hands as he moved you how he wanted you and you were powerless to stop him as a third orgasm bloomed in your body and lit up the room like a fire had started inside it as you did your best to hold onto your very soul so that it would not leave your body completely as you cried out in almost painfully blissful ecstasy as your hands gripped the edge of the bench pitifully, your knuckles going white, not caring in the least who could hear you and that’s when he finally relented and had you sit in his lap on the floor, with your bare chests touching and caressing the other and there was so much love and tenderness in his desperation to fuck you senseless as he held you fast to him and drove up into you and upon the fourth orgasm, the biggest and brightest of them all, did he finally relent and fill you so full it overflowed and you spent the longest moment just clinging to each other, neither of you wanting to let go of the other as you both basked in the ever so intense afterglow as the light from your moura marks slowly faded to nothing as once was desperation, was replaced with tenderness, softness and sweetness was you ran your fingers through his hair, feeling the waves and subtle curls in his thick, luscious locks as your fingertips scratched ever so deliciously on his scalp as he scratched your back in turn, savoring every precious second of having you in his arms, trying to commit every detail to memory, not wanting anything to go missing when he would want to recall this later. Whether it would torture him or bring him fondness or joy, only time would tell.

Soon though, there was a gentle knock on the door.

“You two alive in there?” Came the abbess’ call.

“Yes, we’re almost done. Just a moment please.” You answered back as you reached around him and adjusted your mask back into place since it had become slightly askew so that he would not discover your true identity as he seemed to do the same before you reluctantly untangled from each other and helped get each other get redressed and recomposed.

“Goodbye Mr. Draft, it was always a pleasure.” You offered as you took his hands and kissed his knuckles tenderly before you left the small room and quickly weaved your way through the crowd to the other end of the Midnight Peacock to get changed into another side of your outfit, this time, one of the lighter, more luxurious ones as you took a vial of perfume that was in your necklace and put some around your neck and chest to cover up any “evidence” of Mr. Draft’s presence on your body even though you had taken a moment to savor the scent of it one last time as Demsey seemed to do the same, changing out of his “rented” second outfit and back into his original one that he came in wearing and didn’t care to notice how the outfit seemed to be given to another orc who had come in, this one, more bluish in color who quickly changed into it to enjoy the party himself once Demsey had traded it in for his old clothes at the counter.

“Is there a bar here?” He asked the person overseeing the single dressing rooms once he came out redressed in his original outfit.

“Yes, it’s right through there, you can’t miss it.” She answered as he followed her direction to find a young lady, dressed is discrete luxury already sitting at the bar, drinking absinthe.

“Sultana Audravienne?” Demsey took a chance and asked which perked you up as you turned to see him.

“Duke Voyambi, I thought you would be dancing.” You offered, even though, your legs were still jelly from Mr. Draft’s endeavors.

“Usually, yes, but um, tonight, I’m not...I’m not really inclined to dance.” Demsey confessed because he was worn out but also he just let the greatest lover of his life so far slip through his fingers and he was in no mood to dance.

“I’ll be honest, neither am I, would you like to join me?” You offered.

“Yes, I’d love to.” He readily agreed.

“Well it seems since we both seemed to guess who the other is, there is little point of these then is there?” You asked as you pointed to the second mask you had pinned into the top you were currently sporting.

“No there isn’t.” Demsey readily agreed as both of you took off the masks and set them neatly on the bar as he got up onto the barstool next to you as you had already taken your hair down, letting your thick braid lay down your back.

“Absinthe?” He guessed, looking at the glass you were drinking from and recognizing the green liquid that filled it.

“Yes,” You readily confirmed.

“May I have one?” He asked the bartender who nodded and poured him a small glass of it, letting it pour over a cube of sugar and offered it up to him.

“Is this your first time drinking it?” You asked him.

“Is that obvious?” He asked as he took a few tentative sips.

“Absithe is the only “dangerous” drink they have here.” You answered.

“What would you prefer to be drinking right now then?” Demsey asked.

“Cyanide.” You answered without hesitation before he practically choked on his drink.

“Cyanide?” He repeated as he wiped his mouth with a handkerchief.

“Mouras are immune to poison, remember? Cyanide is to me what wine or whiskey is to you.” You explained.

“But absinthe is still just a little poisonous right?” He asked.

“So is tobacco, but yet that doesn’t stop anyone from smoking it.” You shrugged as you looked out over the already cloudy room, filled with smoke from other patrons practically smoking up like chimney’s.

“Touche.” He had to chuckle.

“Do you like tobacco?” He asked.

“No, although hashish is popular back in the stables, if the sultanate states were still open, alcohol is illegal but hashish which is like tobacco but not quite since it comes from a different plant- is perfectly fine. But both can be hard on your lungs and mouras can be very sensitive to both, but here in England, it just depends on what’s fashionable at the time.” You reasoned as Demsey seemed to nod along with that sentiment as he took a longer sip of his drink.

“True.” Demsey agreed.

“So how are you liking it now?” You asked as you nodded to the drink.

“It’s growing on me.” He admitted.

“Yeah it does. Anything sweet usually does.” You grinned before you heard a cheering boom behind which inclined you to turn around to see what was going on to see Ramsey and Axal flamenco dancing with each other, their feet stomping very fast and rhythmically on the wood floors as Axal was wearing his matador masquerade outfit, it’s bright pink color and bejeweled state catching everyone’s eye but not to be outdone by Ramsey’s equally impressive baby blue one as well as Yalin and especially was cheering her son on while your mother and other members of your family were around cheering Axal on as well as you just shook your head, two peacocks flaunting their feathers at each other as Demsey looked on and just shook his head as well, having already exerted his own herculean amount of energy and spent it on Ms. Draft, wherever she would find herself now, although a quick scan of the crowd, he couldn't see anyone that looked even remotely like her. But he was with who he really should be spending his time with and now that he was with her, it was a different kind of comfort and happiness, but it was sadly tainted by guilt and strangely disappointment that didn’t make a bit of sense. Wasn’t this exactly what he was hoping for? To be with Audra, the real, authentic Audra, somewhat privately and all to himself? Then why, when he looked at her, he kept seeing glimpses of Miss Draft and why was he wishing that he was actually sharing this drink with her? What had happened in that room to change his mind? This morning he had been so sure that Sultana Audravienne was the one for him but something in Miss Draft had him hesitating and it didn’t make any sense at all.

But the way you were looking at Axal and Ramsey, caught his attention, you were...disappointed, or disinterested and clearly unimpressed as you just shook your head and turned back around and finished off your absinthe and got a menu as Demsey asked for one as well before you went ahead and shared yours with him.

“So what sounds good?” You asked him as you looked it over, already picking a few things out in your mind.

“Uh the lamb kebabs sound most appetizing.” Demsey answered before you grinned. It was a Medetteranian dish and right up your alley.

“The lamb kebabs it is then, the portions should be good size too, let’s share.” You suggested.

“Absolutely, I’ll defer to you, order whatever sounds best to you.” Demsey offered which got you to beam happily before the bartender came back and got your order as you went ahead and ordered everything that sounded good to share with Demsey and before you knew it you had taken up a good portion of the bar and had begun sharing a surprisingly good and wonderful meal together.

But what surprised you was how Demsey was correctly eating each dish.

“What?” Demsey asked as you paused in eating to watch him eat.

“It’s just, you’re the first Englishman who has known the right way to eat this. Most have no idea you’re supposed to use the bread instead of a knife and fork.” You explained as you copied his movements, using the bread to dip into the different sauces, scoop up the rice and the bits of grilled meats before bringing it to your mouth.

“Uh, well…” Demsey stuttered as he flushed with some embarrassment, because it had been Miss Audra Draft who introduced him to these dishes and had shown him the proper way to eat them. But he couldn’t tell you that, for fear you would think less of him for visiting a whorehouse, because the thought of you thinking less of him was worth than anything else he could imagine at the moment.

“Uh, there’s some orc dishes that are similar in how they’re eaten, it just...seemed natural and the right way to eat it?” He supplied, hoping you couldn’t see right through him.

“Some things just make sense I suppose.” You shrugged, having thought you’d have to explain everything but instead both of you had just dived right in.

“They do.” Demsey nodded as he quickly tried to stuff his mouth so he wouldn’t say anything else.

“So um, you obviously know much more about this cuisine, what can you tell me about it?” He asked after he swallowed.

“Well since you asked…” You grinned happily before you went through it again as Demsey was struck by how similar Miss Draft and you were, so similar in voice and mannerisms and gestures. It was almost like he was sitting next to her again as his heart almost strangely ached for her. But that was not fair to you. You were not her and she was not you. But the dishes themselves must be common knowledge among all mouras, he supposed.

But you couldn’t help but notice that while Demsey was still watching you and listening the best he could, the look in his eye and in his expression, it was like he was missing someone and you began to fear that there was perhaps another in his life, someone he had known before you ever met him. Someone his sisters did not know and maybe before Kate Whitesale. But one who clearly knew the Sultanate Quarter or Hanging Garden Quarter rather, of the stables because that’s where these dishes came from. What if the only reason he liked you, was that you were the legitimate copy of what he really desired? There were so many more mouras here in England than you realized and more than a few were a striking resemblence to you and most of whom, were actually commoners. What if you were the gentrified version of what he really wanted?

That would make sense. What if he came here, looking for her and couldn’t find her and instead settled for your company?

“Are you alright?” You asked.

“Yes, I’m perfectly fine, just...I think the smoke is getting to me in this room too.” He tried to excuse, damning himself for not being completely present with you.

“Can I get a bottle of spiced rum please?” You ordered from the barkeep as you started dumping and piling everything on the largest platter as Demsey took your cue and followed your actions until everything was on the large platter before he paid the tab at the bar before he put the lid over the large platter as you grabbed the bottle of rum and followed you through the place where you found a staircase and climbed up it as Demsey followed you before you found what you were looking for, a balcony on the roof of part of the first floor. And on the balcony is where you found Calla and Tzane already sitting at one of the tables and eating something similar.

“Audra!” Calla called you over as you happily went over and pulled out two chairs before Demsey sat the platter down onto the table.

“I thought you two would be dancing.” Tzane noted as he sat next to Calla, the two of them practically sitting thigh to thigh and as close as could be without actually sitting in the other's lap.

“Not in the mood to dance tonight.” You confessed as you sat down as you noticed that Calla and Tzane had also foregone their masks that were on the table as well as you sat yours down as well as Demsey's since his hands had been full carrying the platter.

“But always in the mood to eat.” Demsey grinned happily as he took the lid off the large platter.

“Oooh, that smells really good.” Tzane praised.

“The Hanging Garden Quarter has some of the best food in all of Dorierra,” Calla grinned.

“Well I think this is too much for the two of us, if you want some, have some,” you readily invited as Tzane and Calla didn’t need to be told twice before they got their plates and loaded them up before they dug in themselves before Calla walked Tzane on how to “properly” eat it as the four of you fell into very easy and wonderful conversation before Calla noticed movement in the balcony of the second floor and her eyes went wide as she grabbed Tzane’s hand under the table and squeezed it hard which got him to look over to her before he followed her line of sight to see Ramsey and Axal making out on the edge of the balcony on the second story as he started to choke on his food.

“You ok?” You asked as Tzane punched Demsey in the leg under the table and subtly pointed in the direction he wanted Demsey to look before Demsey gave the direction a curious look just in time to see Ramsey finish kissing Axal before he went down to his knees and undid Axal’s pants and started to suck him off right there on the balcony and choked on his own food as well before you reached over and pat his back.

“You ok there Demsey?” You asked, concern clearly written on your face and in your voice before you head Axal groan a moan which caused you to turn your head just as Axal seemed to notice who was around and moved so that Ramsey was between himself and the balcony that looked down over the first balcony so that Ramsey was hidden from the view from below.

“Hey Axal,” You waived happily, pretending to be oblivious as Demsey, Tzane and Calla looked in horror at each other.

“Hey Audra.” Axal waived.

“Getting your cock sucked by the son of Pharoh?” You asked in Arabic since you knew Axal well enough to know that pleasured look on his face and didn’t want the rest of the table to know that you knew what was really going on.

“Yes.” He confirmed.

“Well enjoy the night air, it’s a nice night tonight, keep everyone out of my hair, I’m with who I want to spend the evening with.” You called back in Marinai as Calla tried to recapture her composure.

“Will do!” Axal called back with two thumbs up.

“Uh...what...what did you say to him?” Demsey asked you as he tried to keep composed himself as Tzane was trying to gulp down the rest of the wine he had gotten for himself and Calla, down from the bottle.

“I asked if he was enjoying the night air, and when he said yes, I told him to keep enjoying it since it’s beautiful weather we’re having tonight.” You answered sweetly, continuing to act oblivious.

“Yeah, he’s enjoying it alright.” Tzane coughed into his fist as Demsey glared at his little brother as Calla just flushed as she drank down her glass of wine as well.

“Aren’t we all?” You asked with a scheming grin.

“Well, yeah, maybe not as much as he is though.” Tzane answered as he kept his gaze down at his plate before he tried to fill his mouth with food to keep himself from saying anything else as Demsey glared dangerously at Tzane before Benny and Sierge came out to the balcony as Benny was taking her hair down from its original style as the two still had that giddy, love drunk look with each other as it was clear that a tryst had just transpired between the two.

“Oh hey guys.” Sierge greeted cheerfully, as he came over before you scooted closer to Demsey who also scooted closer to Tzane so that Benny and Sierge would have room at the table.

“Oh good, you guys already ordered food, we worked up quite the appetite on the dancefloor.” Sierge said as he grabbed unused plates from the next table over and gave one to Benny before he helped himself the spread on the table.

“Among other places.” Benny cooed with a playful wink to Sierge who ducked his head and grinned bashfully as you simply smiled knowingly as you gave Benny a meaningful look and she gave a subtle nod that had you nodding along with her.

“Good.” You simply noted as you happily dug into your own food.

It wasn’t until the bluish orc came out, still wearing the rented suit that Demsey had been wearing earlier with Audra’s essences on it- came onto the balcony too with another lady with him before Sierge sniffed the air, turning his head and sniffing the air deeply in his direction.

“What does your bloodhound nose smell now? Does he have better food or what?” Benny teased Sierge.

“Uh, no, uh, I’ll tell you later.” He told her with a meaningful look as she looked intrigued as he sniffed that scent again before he turned back to the table and began sniffing again before his nose seemed to land on you before he quickly turned his head to stare at the platter of food as his eyes went wide for a moment before he seemed to try to be recomposed.

“Yeah, this food smells the best.” He tried to play off casually but he still gave you a weary look as he looked at Demsey who was staring at him in confusion as Sierge pointedly looked at Demsey, then at you then at the bluish orc then back to Demsey pointedly as Demsey just looked at him in complete confusion but sadly, your parents found you and pulled you back inside because they had requested the Hanging Garden Official Dance Anthem and felt you should dance too just as Ocearian found Axal only moments after Axal had cum down Ramsey’s throat and had gotten redressed and adjusted as you let your mother take your hand and lead you away as Calla and Bennie followed as Sierge grabbed Demsey’s arm to keep him from following along too.

“What?” Demsey asked.

“Audra, the Sultana, she has a lover, he’s that blue orc over there.” Sierge accused.

“What?!” Demsey balked.

“My nose doesn’t lie, I can smell her all over him.” Sierge insisted as Demsey looked from his brother to the orc in question.

“Find out for sure.” Demsey said before he left and quickly tried to catch up to you to see you already on the dance floor, surrounded by family as you all danced the danced in synchronized steps.

“Good evening sir, can I talk with you for a moment?” Sierge asked the gentleman.

“Uh, in case you couldn’t tell I’m kind of busy right now?” The guy answered.

“I’ll give you five pounds for five minutes of your time.” Sierge offered.

“Excuse me, I’ll be right back.” The guy immediately told his companion before he got up and followed Sierge a short distance away.

“What?” He demanded.

“First, what’s your name?” Sierge asked.

“Robert Wainsright.” He answered.

“And your orc name?” Sierge prodded.

“What does it matter?” He protested.

“Ok fine, who have you been with tonight?” Sierge asked.

“Her! That’s the only one I’ve been around all night! Why does that matter?” Robert demanded.

“Because the scent on your clothes says otherwise, now tell me again, have you been intimate with anyone tonight?” Sierge demanded.

“What are you the fucking coppers? What business of yours is it who I’ve been with?” Robert protested.

“Because the smell on your clothes implicates you.” Sierge growled dangerously.

“Implicates me in what? A fucking murder?” Robert demanded angrily.

“You know what, fine, if you say you haven’t been with anyone other than the lady at the table, then I have no choice but to take your word for it, who is she by the way?” Sierge asked as he took out his wallet and began going through his bank notes to find the right one.

“She’s one of the workers for The Red Velvet Rope, she works in the kitchens.” Robert answered as he took the bill from Sierge’s hand.

“Thank you, that’s all I needed to know.” Sierge grinned triumphantly before he left and went back inside to see Demsey watching appreciatively as you danced with your family, with a bright happy smile on your face which brought a fond one to his own hands.

“And?” Demsey pressed Sierge.

“The guy’s name was Robert Wainswright and he claims the only one he was with was the lady he was eating with.” Sierge reported.

“Ok, well maybe your nose is wrong for once.” Demsey nodded and went back to watching you dance and enjoying yourself as Sierge fought with himself whether he should tell his brother or not but now was not the time or place and when the dance ended you ended up pulling Demsey to the floor to dance with you as Demsey, despite previously having no stomach for it, was suddenly all too happy to try to dance along to these strange dances with practically hypnotizing music but the best and yet the worst part was, to see your moura marks on your skin flow, pulse and flash like fireworks was both amazing yet, plagued him with guilt that he, once again, was forced to recall Audra Draft’s marks and how they would do the same thing. He needed to get over her. Maybe it would have been better if he had not seen her tonight and not been drawn in by that vixin's siren's call. Because then he would have focused completely on you. You deserved his undivided attention and affection and having you compete with any other would be a crime against the gods.

But he did feel kind of smug that if Ramsey got any closer to you, he had his own ace up his sleeve, to know that Ramsey was actually having intimate relations with your brother no less, you had told Demsey yourself that you were the jealous type and would not share your partner with anyone, much less a family member and when and if you ever found that out, you would immediately rid yourself of Ramsey for good, all he needed to protect himself from now on was his own implications with Miss Draft and he was as good as gold and as long as you never found that out, he was sure to win your affections honestly and wholeheartedly. Miss Draft had just been a bad mistake, made...thrice, but only thrice and no more.

Demsey didn’t care if he looked ridiculous, he was dancing with you, almost holding you on the dance floor and being so close to you, to have you smiling up at him like he was the only man in the world you had eyes for had his heart soaring and his pride beaming and his possessiveness over you almost insatiable. In this moment, yet again, he was overcome by his gut telling him that you, were the only woman in the world for him and that Miss Draft would from now on, only live in his past, never again in his future.

#Blood For Gold #Blood For Gold Chapter 13 #Wooooo #regency era orc drama #orc romance #orc boyfriend #monster boyfriend #exo #exophilia #whew #the plot thickens

[wafflesetc]

Chapter 19: An Unexpected Meeting (previously)

Claire Beauchamp is a second year medical student. Due to many late nights with her clinicals, and studying for her pharmacology class, she’s at wits end. One Friday night she decides not to join Joe Abernathy and her other friends out at Church, their local hangout spot, but instead winds up in a dive bar close to her flat with a very nice whisky selection. In fact, one of the best one she’s ever seen. When the bartender calls her ‘Sassenach’ and pours her a double, Claire gets a feeling in her chest she’s never felt before.

A/N: I *know* it’s been... A while. I could give you every reason under the  sun why it has been that long. My excuses are valid and reason enough, I still want to apologize for the lengthy delay. I never intended to go a whole year between updates. I promise it won’t be that long again. The revival of this fic is long owed to @happytoobserve​ who has been one of its biggest cheerleaders since day 1. To @walkinginland​, @kkruml​, and @missclairebelle​ who held my hand during this process of getting my legs back with these two, I owe you indefinitely.

And most importantly, to the readers who even after A YEAR are still excited for what is in store for these two, I hope this was worth the wait. 

ALL MY LOVE, WAFFLES

PS- This is a bit angsty. I just ask that you trust me, okay?!

“Joe, I will call you… Later.” I crossed my arms and gave my friend a knowing glance, one he’d seen before and knew I needed space for a bit. 

“Ok, Lady Jane.” He gave a nod in the direction of John and found his way out of the building. 

I took a breath and turned my attention to our guest. “There’s a courtyard just outside the building. Is it okay if we talk there? I have another class in about 45 minutes.” 

“That is fine.” He agreed. I gestured towards the doors and we slowly made our way.

“How are you?” John asked, politely. I could feel he was trying to ease the palpable tension between the two of us. 

I was trying to be pleasant and cordial, but whatever reserve I had would quickly fade away.  “All things considered, I am doing just dandy.” We rounded a corner and I sat down on the first bench that I saw. “Finals are coming up soon, Jamie’s healing just fine, and I have an amazing opportunity in Paris.” 

“That’s wonderful.” John said earnestly as he sat down next to me. “I’m really happy for you. I must apologize for coming to you while you’re in classes… But this is rather time sensitive.” 

“I have one question, first.” I closed my eyes and took a breath. “I think you owe me that much.” 

John stifled a laugh and put his hand on my knee. It startled me for a moment, but after a quick glance at his face I could tell how honest he was trying to be. “I have turned your world upside down, basically overnight. I think a question is reasonable.” 

“Does Jamie know?” I could feel the tears rising to the surface. “Does Jamie know about William?” 

“No.” John took a breath and released it. “As far as I know, he doesn’t.” There was a sincerity in his voice I couldn’t point, but something in me knew he wasn’t lying. 

“I am going to need you to elaborate on that one.” I was being honest. The last bits of strength that I had were hanging by a few fine threads, ready to be cut at any moment. 

“Jamie and Geneva… They went to high school together. Their families were very fond of each other. My future father-in-law granted the Frasers the land that Lallybroch thrives upon. Jamie comes from a good family and has a good head on his shoulders.” 

I turned my face towards him to find him looking about the courtyard. There were a few students sitting on benches and blankets, presumably studying, however they were all scattered on the opposite side. We were alone in many respects, no one to hear or interrupt us. John stayed silent for a little while. I could see the small film of tears in his own eyes. Surely, whatever he was about to say was going to change things for me.

“But unfortunately, we are all human at one point or another and make mistakes.” He sat back and looked around the garden once more, staying silent for a minute. I could tell he was gathering his thoughts, trying to tell me a story I wasn’t sure I even wanted to hear. Carefully trying to thread together a story that was neither his nor mine, yet that we had been somehow woven into.

“Isobel did not go on at length, but the summer before they were going away to university is when it happened. Geneva never gave her family the details, and when her parents realized what was going to happen in a few months' time, they sent her to England to live with her aunt and uncle.” 

I wiped a tear and waited for him to continue. The reality of what he was about to tell me started to sink in. Those fine threads were about to be cut, I could tell. I didn’t want to cry over a past that was not mine, but Jamie’s past was putting kinks into our future- a future I had planned with him.

“She stayed there and raised him, but about three years ago the crash happened and Geneva died.”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. It put a small smile on John’s face. A sense of relief flooded through me, I did not want to dislike this Geneva, but another woman who knew my Jamie, intimately, well I was not prepared to handle any issues of jealousy. Was it selfish and morbid I was relieved I didn’t have to meet or try to measure up to the mother of his child, but also regretful over the fact the poor boy had lost his mother? Probably, but having lost my own mother as a child, I knew first hand how hard it was, and no child deserved that sort of pain. Nonetheless, it didn’t make the current circumstances any easier and I did think I was allowed to  be a bit selfish when it came to my future. 

“She left the care and trust of her son to Isobel- but at the time Isobel was still young herself, finishing university with plans of graduate school. Their aunt and uncle were rather fond of William, so they allowed him to stay with them. England is all William has ever known, and he is very attached to Edith and Mark.” 

I must have been crying more than I knew because John handed me a tissue. 

“Shall I continue, or is that enough?” I saw a helplessness in his eyes. This news was life changing for me, yet in many ways it had been for him too. 

I sat motionless, not knowing what to do or say. I didn’t know what I wanted but something must have urged him to go on. 

“Mark fell very ill last year, and he isn’t doing well. That’s when Edith contacted Isobel asking what they would want for William, should something happen. Life has a funny twist of fate….” He let out a small laugh at what I presumed was his so-called twist of fate.

“Because Jamie and I met during our years at university- I had no clue he was acquainted with the Dunsanys. Isobel and I met during graduate school, and when I mentioned a story with James Fraser, her mouth dropped. She told me about William only a few months ago though, and that is when I started trying to call Jamie.” 

“And now, I’m pulled into your so-called funny twist of fate.” My words were short, and I could feel something brewing in my stomach. 

Truth was, I wanted to like John Grey. He seemed to be an honest, respectable man. It wasn’t his fault for the events that had happened in the past, yet he was here and seemed to be wanting to talk about this, even before he told Jamie. This was all confusing in so many different ways. This- John Grey- a long time friend of Jamie’s, was really someone from my boyfriend’s past I was sure I’d enjoy his company, but given the current circumstances, I didn’t like the news he was bringing me. My reading on him was all over the map. 

“Yes, you are.” John gave me a soft smile. “I’ve been coming to Edinburgh for business lately, and I knew I would find Jamie here. We talk, not all that often, but we are old friends. Always able to pick up where we left off.” 

“Mhmm.” It was all I could muster. Mentally and emotionally, I was just drained. This was too  much for one conversation, but I had to try to hold myself together. Just for a little while longer at least. 

“I had wanted to tell him the first time I was in town but when we met, he was so excited to tell me about something that had happened to him…” John reached across and took my hand in his, giving it light squeeze. 

“It was me, wasn’t it?” Jamie and I had happened quickly. I hadn’t been looking for a relationship, especially after Frank and I had ended just shortly before. Yet Jamie had fallen into my orbit and was something that held to me like gravity. He had seamlessly fixed himself into my universe and just fit. Even I had a hard time explaining it to anyone.

“It was,” John smiled at me. “I had never seen him smile the way he did when he said your name. And when he started to tell me about you he’d never been so proud of anything in his life. Even his bar. Claire…” He gave my hand a firm squeeze this time and smiled so wide I knew that deep down whatever he was about to say he meant it with every fiber in his being.

“I hope I am not about to overstep a boundary, especially because we don’t really know each other, but Jamie loves you and is planning his future with you in it. Whether you are aware of that or not- I have seen it in your eyes you feel the same way. The news of William will rock the foundation on which he has lived his life since his parents died.”   

“Yes, it will.” I agreed. 

“It’s complicated, in many ways. And Geneva should have told him, or my future-in-laws should have too. But I think they all wanted Jamie to live his life rather than doing what was right at the time. It stunned me when Isobel told me about it, so much so, I questioned whether or not to continue with the engagement…”

“But you did.” 

“I did, and I do not regret my choice. When Jamie told me about you, I made a vow to myself I would tell the two of you together, so he had you to ground him. But I am glad I told you first. I think it would be best for you to know so we can tell him together.” 

“Together.” I whispered either to myself or to John, I didn’t really know. “You want to do it together so I’m there to comfort him, right?

“I think I have taken up enough of your time, and I have surely given you something to digest.” 

I laughed at that, and I saw a small purse of his lips. 

“Yes, I have.” He chuckled at the look on my face, “But Claire… I am telling you as a long time friend of Jamie’s, you either stick with him through this or don’t. He has already lost so much in his life. I cannot stand for it to happen to him again, so whatever you choose to do, I hope you make a wise choice.” 

“What do you mean?” I felt the pit of anxiety raising in my stomach. 

“I told you he sees a future with you. If you don’t think you can handle whatever relationship William is to have with Jamie, then you should leave him now. Don’t help him through this and leave him later… He… Would never recover.” 

With that he stood and handed me a piece of paper. “Here is my number; Jamie doesn’t know I’m in town yet. I made reservations for dinner for you, me, Jamie and Isobel for tomorrow night. You can tell him on your own if you’d like tonight since it appears you have a glass face, or we can tell him tomorrow...But please, think of what you want with him, with whatever choice you make.”

John gave me a small bow and left me. I felt the buzz of my alarm going off alerting me that class was starting in ten minutes. I wouldn’t be going. The last thing I could do was sit in a lecture hall and pretend to be interested in pharmacology.

Hastily, I reached into my bag and typed an email to my professor.

Dr. Glassman, I have had a small family emergency arise. I will not be making it to the lecture. I will get notes from Joe Abernathy and follow up with you after the next class. 

Claire Beauchamp 

The whoosh of the email sounded in my ears. I shoved my phone back into my bag, rising to my feet. 

I had already made my choice. Long before I had even known about a man named John Grey. 

Jamie had told me we had room for secrets but not for lies. And I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt he had no clue what was going on. Jamie was an intuitive man, so I knew he could sense John had life changing news for him, but what the news was, Jamie surely didn’t know.

I didn’t know how I was going to tell Jamie or what my plan was, but I knew he would be seeking my forgiveness for this- for all of it. Truth was, I’d give it to him. I’d already forgiven everything he had done and everything he could do long before today. 

For me that was no choice, that was falling in love.

#Outlander #Outlander fanfic #Jamie x Claire #Jamie Fraser #Claire Beauchamp #Closing Time AU #myfic! #craigh na queue

[battle-of-alberta]

OCtober: Cal and Ed

It’s finally over. I’m sorry for the delay but stuff has been Happening. If there’s a tourism site that attracts you more to one city or the other, let me know.

Calgary | Edmonton

Below is some meta stuff about the ‘research’ (if you can even call it   that, it was more of a vibe check) I did for re-doing the profiles. Read  on, if it intrigues you. And I gotta mention there’s a bonus rabbit hole I went down for Calgary’s self-image that is. Well. A Lot.

Major Cities: Calgary and Edmonton

We made it team, the heart of the Battle of Alberta, the major city rivalry that defined generations. Calgary is the largest city in the province and the centre of southern Alberta, a young, fast-paced major city that oscillates wildly between boom and bust and is attracting both attention and employees from the traditional major cities in Canada. Edmonton is the capital of the province and the the most northern major city with a metro population of over one million on the continent, a little older and more blue collar, somewhat more stable economically, and quickly rising to meet the challenges presented by open data and sustainable urban planning. And, as we know, they've been antagonizing each other since the 19th century, but collaborating as well.

Website Round Up Premise

While I was revisiting these character profiles, I took a look at how cities represented themselves on their municipal sites and tourism sites rather than how cities were represented in the news or in stereotypes, as the latter already tend to live in the back of my head. I was interested to see who the target audiences for each city were, what they considered their strengths, and how much effort each city put into putting its own identity on display. I was also interested into what ideas sort of fed into any pre-existing confirmation bias I had about each city's personality as well as interested in what narratives might be used to counteract negative stereotypes.The first thing I tended to notice was the overall information architecture of each city's website. How easy were they to navigate? What kinds of information did they have? How did they organize it? How did they communicate that information?

Out and About

There's a sharp difference between the websites of major cities from other cities. They are very careful to separate the corporation of 'The City of' from the cities we might know, and therefore both websites have a much more business-like tone and more distance from their civic identities. This means no traditional "About" pages as other cities might have.

At the time I'm visiting, Edmonton's page has some ADORABLE art of a nuthatch that's making me very homesick. Calgary has a seasonally appropriate snowy skyline.

Calgary does have an "Our Organization" tab which describes the City as a corporation, and likewise Edmonton has a "City Government" tab that performs a similar function. Edmonton's is in alphabetical order which is only a little annoying and Calgary's reads like a very perfectly chunked business portfolio that doesn't... really say as much as it looks like it does, but it does get bonus points for vision/organization/accessibility.

I have never seen a more concise history of Calgary in my life. It's literally three bullet points and a couple of bracketing sentences, but it does do the job. Calgary is, more or less, what it says it is (although I do take slight issue with its self identification as a trading post - it may have functioned that way but that was not what it was founded for and in fact the trading companies gtfo'd asap in those early days). It goes on to paint a very good sketch of the city in as few lines as possible in the text, and there's a little video at the end that feels like it was voiced over in 1988 even though it's clearly not.

Edmonton's City government page is even vaguer. Let's make a more dynamic and resilient Edmonton shall we, the page suggests. Resilient against What Exactly, I wonder. Winter? The boom-bust? Calgary? who knows. The majority of the sub pages are even more mysterious and essentially paint the picture of a city. It's a normal city. Trust us. We do city things. Here is exactly how government works and how to raise and lower a flag. In Edmonton, which is, in fact, a city.

I'm begging you if you think Calvin is hokey and annoying please read the Our Culture page and see it's EXACTLY how I intended to portray him because it's eXACTLY what it's already like. "The Four C's of Our Culture" give me a break.

Edmonton offers me a picture of the skyline and says "City of Opportunity: City of You". I suppose this is true. I don't know what it means. I fear slightly for its intentions.

I keep seeing "Calgary: A great place to make a living, a great place to make a life" and it's like. Stop! I won't go! You can't make me! (and again the Strong and Resilient Calgary. these kids are always catching colds because they don't eat properly.)

Although Edmonton makes literally zero attempt to define itself (outside perhaps the official symbols page hidden under Facts and Figures), what strikes me is that it is portraying itself as a very future-oriented city, which, when I was growing up we really never were. We were an inward city constantly wishing we were somewhere else which is partially still true, and we were a city with such an intense nostalgia (that unlike Calgary we failed to really capitalize on) that grated roughly against a complete failure to preserve history. It does kind of make me glad that the city is looking towards the future and just like, acknowledging basic realities (like snow) and trying to involve people in urban planning more (and throughout the website the city LOOOOVES to share data which I also called, haha). There's also an adorable animation of the city road map in its strategic planning pages. It's interesting that for a city that leaves itself up to your own interpretation, it does have a LOT of information about itself collected and available.

Tourism

Oddly enough, neither city has substantially changed their tourism homepage to accommodate COVID-related staycation plans, although each does mention that many things may be closed or unavailable as a result of the pandemic.

CaLGARy, Be PaRT of THe EnERGy!!

I like how Edmonton's self-presentation is "original" and "we do things differently". It's like a Keep ___ Weird thing but in an understated self-assured way that makes me laugh a little. Like yeah, I guess we are kind of different, I guess we're just not used to seeing that as a good thing.

In the tourism guides there isn't much to say about Calgary's that isn't just "oh, classic Calgary" but I do think the fact that they have "quick facts" to explain what timezone it's in and what currency they use is adorable to say the least. also the title of the guide is CALGARY (and the canadian rockies) and that sums up Calgary pretty well, which I'll elaborate on more.

I actually can't find Edmonton's guide, if it has one, but that's ok. The website hits all the buttons that I would and I actually use exploreedmonton quite frequently because it has a nicer event calendar than the city website does, which is important in a place nicknamed Festival City. I really appreciate how things are organized by month/season and even down to "what's happening today/tomorrow/this week" because it makes planning trips for my visitors easy, so now you know my secret : ) I wish I could just beam this site directly into people's brains when they mention "oh yeah thats where the mall is" when I say I'm from Edmonton.

Interestingly enough it's Calgary's turn to be vague, which I can only assume is part of its "exactly what it says it is" charm. This desperation to find a shred of self-description outside of things to do and places to stay led me down a rabbit hole I will elaborate on in a moment that truly showed me I Knew Nothing about how deep Calgary's branding goes. Otherwise, the website is very practical and functions more like an answer to questions you had about the what and the how and less so the why.

Also, the "Locals" page on Calgary's site has tips on hosting friends and family from around the province safely during the pandemic which is kind of cute. Edmonton doesn't really have a local page (i guess because if we had a hashtag like #loveyyc we'd ruin it)

Bonus: The Rabbit Hole

I wondered why Calgary's tourism page, which I expected to be the most in your face description of the city possible, fell kind of flat. I learned this seems to be because tourists are not the target audience that Calgary wants to attract. It's companies and corporations, and they get their own page.

Boy oh boy do they get their own page

This led me down this frightening path of getting validation like being repeatedly punched in the face by what On Brand Calgary truly means and I'm frankly quite speechless about it - all I can say is that you need to see it for yourself.

The tourism site gestures to a Billion reasons why you should hold your next meeting in Calgary and here is where the self definition as Big City Energy and Western Hospitality starts kicking the tires and lighting the fires. Likewise with the media-oriented page. Suddenly stuff like the Calgary Bucket List starts popping up and I can't help but go hang on, why not suggest this to tourists?

"It's cowboy spirit, but also refined and cosmopolitan" [sighs into hands]

Suddenly all the "Calgarians love visitors! Calgarians love the outdoors!" stuff is spilling out like water from a dam here. "Where's Calgary?" [Link that reads FIND US].

Like i literally feel like the tourism side on the left is the Kids Menu, it's the corporate stuff on the right that I'm actually finding the type of information I want on. Eventually, I somehow make my way to Calgary's Destination Strategy which is trying to make Calgary a place that... well, people go. Like, internationally. Like the Olympics but MORE of that.

Then I find the Brand Evolution. Then I find Calgary's Economic Development site. The poetry about rocky mountain prairie skies and "where a handshake still means something" starts to reach its peak.

Then back through the tourism site I find the video. And the video makes me shake because it suggests the premise of The Powerpoint.

The Powerpoint. I cannot summarize the powerpoint in any meaningful way or how my emotions were a rollercoaster further and further up and down the longer i scrolled. Everything I know and suggest about Calgary seems to be unequivocally true, including the sense that Calgary as a person is the sort of person who makes powerpoints about his own identity crisis because that's precisely what this is.

And then I get to the part of the powerpoint that suggests I imagine what kind of person the city of Calgary might be (and implied: does that person think about anything other than the mountains???) THEY EVEN DID AN OCEAN PERSONALITY TEST FOR THE CITY I KID YOU NOT

Hi, City of Edmonton, hire me to take an OCEAN test for our fair city. I'm begging you.

#aph oc #hetalia oc #hws oc #projectcanada cities #battle of alberta #aph edmonton #aph calgary #pc: edmonton #pc: calgary #edward murphy #calvin mccall #traditional art #boab meta #OC tober #OC_tober #ink #watercolour #mixed media #hapo art #ITS FINALLY DONE