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#like she already feels like she's failed her children because she can't even begin to remedy the scrutiny they're going to face purely by
halfyearsqueen · 1 month
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one thing about her is she's very petrified of failure
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romancemedia · 2 months
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Balto and Jenna's Love Story Clarity
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I'm feeling in the mood to watch Balto tonight and while I'm at it, I feel in the mood to clarify a few things about the movie. All the time, I read about how people have different views and ideas about the circumstances about Balto and Jenna's relationship in the movie, but I think the situation itself it pretty clear.
Fans of the movie often wonder/believe Balto and Jenna first met each other at the start of the film and fall in love right afterwards, the typical root of a movie love story, but that's not it. Balto and Jenna already know each other at the start of the film. They are friends and at that point, they are already in love with each other. Balto is well known around town as the wolfdog that nobody likes or trusts from both humans and dogs, so how could Jenna not know about him?
Jenna is one of the only dogs in Nome that is friends with Balto, alongside her owner, Rosy and as it shows when Balto retrieved Rosy's hat, they are already well acquainted with each other.
By the time the film had begun, Balto and Jenna were already friends and already smitten with each other. Like any other couple, they are simply just shy and nervous in expressing their feelings.
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And as it shows, although Balto and Jenna maybe shy in admitting how they really feel about each other, it's obvious everyone else... especially to Rosy, Boris and Steele! Both Rosy and Boris are supporters of Balto and Jenna's romance, teasing and encouraging them to be together.
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On the other hand, Steele is against their blossoming relationship! Although Steele is a pure husky and is beloved by all the humans and dogs in town, he is jealous of Balto! Balto is the faster dog since he outran Steele at the beginning of the movie and Jenna, the most beautiful dog in town is in love with him.
Steele is aware that Jenna loves Balto and makes a remark about her feelings for the wolfdog early in the film after his failed attempt to ask her on a date.
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Steele prides himself. He is the town hero dog, who is the best, most popular and supposedly to be the fastest dog. He has it all and because of that, he believes he should be with Jenna. He has it all and wants it all. Those are Steele's beliefs that he is better, proving what Jenna said was true, Steele is a glory hound who can't handle when he doesn't get his own way or what he wants. This results in Steele bullying Balto, sabotaging his efforts to join the sled team and tries to steal Jenna away.
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Balto and Jenna become closer and their feelings stronger after the boiler room scene and that's when things take a shift: Balto and Jenna begin to express and be more open about their feelings! The key moment to prove it is when Jenna's friends confront her about the event and Jenna practically admits her feelings!
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Even better, Jenna cheers for Balto during the race to determine which dogs will be joining the sled team!
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Gradually the events of the movie continue to bring them closer than ever before as both are amazed by the other. Jenna is moved by Balto's efforts to retrieve the medicine to help Rosy and the children while Balto is in awe of Jenna's bravery; Not only did she follow him, but she fought to protect him from the grizzly bear.
The ending is what is especially sweet and heartfelt. Jenna continues to have faith in Balto's return by seeing through Steele's lies and uses a special trick Balto previously taught her to help lead him and the sled team home... which Balto happily sees and lights up!
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And by the end of the movie, Balto and Jenna are reunited and FINALLY Get Together!!!
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realreulbbrband · 9 months
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!BARBIE MOVIE SPOILERS!
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I don't see anyone talking about the pink pantheress song "Angel" , well more specifically how the song is used in the film.
The song was what I was most interested about when the soundtrack came out. Being my favorite song, I thought it would take place when Barbie and Ken got separated in the real world.
However, the chorus of the song is utilized when we first meet Sasha, and my interpretation is that this is how Barbie views Sasha.
Long post below.
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'(s)he could be the one to make me never freeze again,'
Sasha chose her from the shelves and took he out of the box, she played with her and gave her a story. Barbie loves Sasha, she's her girl, and at least to Barbie, I believe she'll always see Sasha as the little girl she needs to inspire the most.
'Cause one day, One day, my baby just went away My angel, You're what haunts me now that you're away'
while Sasha grows out of playing with Barbie, this doesn't diminish Barbie's feelings towards her, especially when she first arrives in the real world. Sasha can be seen as Barbie's angel, someone who bestowed purpose and life upon her when she was just a doll. The part about haunting her could easily be applied to the start of Barbie's existential crisis she has in the film. She and Sasha are connected, but that connection was lost when Sasha grew out of her Barbie phase. as often happens when young girls begin distancing themselves from traditionally girly things intentionally. Barbie's attachment to Sasha echoes the sentiments felt by many parents, such as Gloria, who experience a bittersweet mix of pride and nostalgia as their children grow and change. Barbie's emotions mirror what Gloria goes through when her daughter starts distancing herself from her previous interests.
'You won't check your phone so you can't tell me you're okay, because Jo̶h̶n̶n̶y̶, my baby, did it always have to end this way? '
We know Barbie went to the real world because of Sasha and believing she's going through something, but when they're meet up doesn't go well and Sasha calls Barbie a fascist. Barbie already thinks she's failed. It's why when Barbie is talking with Sasha she keeps going over what she's supposed to represent and how she's supposed to make Sasha happy and powerful.
When Sasha berates her, Barbie doesn't snap back. she tries to laugh it off but she's hurting inside and she asks to be excused. She cries and then she leaves Sasha, she leaves with the Mattel people because she doesn't believe she can change Sasha's view on her. (at least not right now)and she's convinced girls hate her. Going to Mattel is more like going to a place of comfort and possible reassurance after feeling like she's failed. That things are destined to end this way with her and Sasha. But Sasha does learn to appreciate Barbie after getting to know her better and going to Barbieland. Barbie is her doll at the end of the day and that's why even supposedly when she's about to leave she asks what Barbie's ending is. Even outright refusing the one she doesn't see as *her* ending. So no it didn't have to end that way and it didn't.
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Anyways I think they're underappreciated and I love them <3
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(source)
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sardonic-sprite · 9 months
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Dad!Tim AU pt 3
Part 1 tw for referenced rape
The first few weeks are a challenge
They have to teach Eira how to eat/drink from the bottle, and it's nowhere near as simple as Tim would have thought. She just doesn't seem to know what to do with that tiny red mouth, and so she barely gets the food in, then she cries and cries and CRIES because she's hungry, and Tim starts crying too, because he's failing at this already. Steph's the one who finally cracks the code, and though she grins and tells the astonished batboys it was magic, she quietly murmurs to Tim that her Baby struggled too. Tim finally hugs Steph then, and they just sit together in the nursery for a long time
Diapers are another mess. Tim feels like he must be sick in the head for this but he just. He can't. Dick's the one to sit him down and tell him its ok, he's not sick, trauma gets processed in hella weird ways and he's not fully surprised. He pitches in, and so does everyone else (except damian. He is above soiled diapers thank you) and slowly Tim goes from being in the room, to watching how it's done, to doing it on his own. It makes him feel better about himself, even if he cannot wait until they can get through the "potty training" thing
But when it comes to calming her to sleep.... this, THIS is where Tim finally feels like maybe he can do this Dad Thing after all. Being such a new baby, Eira wakes up A LOT in the nighttime. And despite there being several people off patrol to help be caretakers, Tim is without fail the first to wake up and leap across the hall (if he wasn't on the nusery couch already) and scoop Eira up and hold her gentle and close against his heartbeat and murmur sweetly to her. But Not sweet nothings. Becuase theyre not nothings to Tim. When he says "It's ok, I'm here..." and when he begins to add, "I love you" he says it because he MEANS it. And as if Eira understands, she calms. She clenches her tiny itty bitty fingers in his shirt like Tim really is her only liferaft in a storm, and her squinched little face smooths out, and she'll give the most precious soft sigh he's ever heard before she's asleep again
To spite her being sentenced to death for her gender-based "uselessness" by Ra's, Eira becomes the most prized little princess that has ever joined the batfam, and that is SAYING SOMETHING
It has been close to forty years since Alfred has held a baby and godDAMN he's missed it. He is very good about sharing though, and is watchful for Tim's sake that she's away from his arms for long enough but not too long, remembering how downright feral Martha and Thomas could get when other people held Bruce without giving him back. Actually, plop Eira in his arms and Alfred will tell ALL KINDS of stories about Baby Bruce. Bruce is mortally embarrassed but the kids LOVE it and will literally forfeit their own chance at baby cuddles to hear Alfred detail Bruce's show-stopping discovery of his own toes.
Bruce had a month in a PICU ward during med school, so he knows ABOUT babies but he's never had one in his family before, but OHMIGOD BABIES ARE THE BEST FUCKING THINGS EVER OH GOD SHE'S SO CUTE OH FUCK HE WANTS ONE TOO-- he's very excited to be able to hold and care for one :) there's messy emotions in there too tho, both on the side of realizing that he never GOT to see any of his kids as babies, even Damian, and that kinda makes him sad, and then also.... this is supposed to be a miracle, he thinks. Sometimes its like they all forget, when they hold Eira or see Tim hold Eira with that loving awe on his face.... that she's only here because of something evil. Something cruel. And that's not her fault and it is good and right in many ways to disconnect the tragedy from the miracle.... but he also privately warns his own children every so often to tone down certain jokes or comments
Dick’s right there with him. Every so often, looking at Tim and Eira, he can't help but wonder what if Catalina...? Would that have helped or made it worse? Or would he have ever even known? And then he has to just Stop before he drives himself insane. He'll refocus on playing baby games with Eira, or changing jason's ringtone to Baby Shark, or ordering Tim to take a nap gdi there are 8 other people in this house and any one of them can give Eira her bottle
Cass has appointed herself Eira's personal body guard. She hovers like a mother hen, is constantly on watch (its hard to even get her to come on patrol) and scolds anyone who's holding her wrong or taking too long with a bottle or diaper. She won't confront it, but she knows it comes from her guilt. She didn't protect Tim, but she'll be DAMNED if she can't protect Eira
Babs has never interacted with babies, really. But wow is Eira cute. She's also super cuddly, which adds to the adorableness. Babs does a fuckton of research and privately keeps an eye on Eira's developmental progress, making sure her arduous first few hours post-birth haven't fucked her up too badly. So far so good. She also tries to keep an eye on Tim to make sure he's not running himself into the ground. So far... as good as can be expected.
Jason is still slowly trying to burn the league to ashes and salt the remains, but HOLY FUCK HE HAS A BABY NEICE WITH TINY TOES AND THE CUTEST FUCKING GIGGLE OH GOD WHY IS SHE SO CUTE THIS IS UNFAIR HE CANNOT FUCKING DEAL. He is constantly volunteering to help, and also constantly marvelling over the fact that he's ALLOWED to. Hes killed people. He nearly killed Tim once. But Tim trusts him enough to lay this tiny sweet little baby girl in his arms with a yawn, and say he won't bother to tell Jason to take care of her bc he already knows he will. Its honestly the most wonderful feeling in the world. (But hes still got an immortal bastard to murder. Yknow. After baby snuggles.)
Steph... is ok. Totally. Truly. Shes not at all thinking about her baby, who she never named, because she gave it away. Shes not thinking of the agony of labor, or the wonder of seeing the small, living and breathing human that was made inside her body. Shes not wondering how in the world any mother who birthed her child could ever stand to let it be buried in the snow to die. .... shes lying. Tims 17. Hes still just 17 and hes doing it, raising his kid. Hes not that much older than Steph was. But then she reflects, hes got a house of a dozen people to help him, with ANYTHING he or Eira might need. Steph didn't have that to give her Baby. She has to still believe she did the right thing.
Damian is slowly adjusting. Something shifted between him and Tim that first night in the nursery, when Damian all but named the child born to replace him for a role he no longer wants anything to do with. The two aren't friends by any stretch, but there's something calmer and respectful between them. The words they speak don't cut. The jibes they make are light. Damian's not sure if it's something to do with Tim himself, or with the infant almost always clutched to Tim's chest, but his brother seems wiser now. Not so foolish or flippant. It makes Damian respect him more, but he can't help but feel guilty it took trauma to get them to such a point. But its ok. They'll work on it.
And Tim... Tim. He loves his kid. He knows that. He loves that little girl more than he's loved anything in the world before. So whatever happens, he can get through it. For Eira.
Edit: part 4
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2oosterr · 6 months
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▰▰ lt. eastwood [pg 2] ˎˊ-
ENHANCEMENT
[GRADE 2] Individual's physical strength increases with every injury sustained. Note that the severity of the injury affects the increments in which the individual’s strength increases.
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PERSONALITY
MBTI type - ESFP-T;  Extroverted, Observant, Feeling, Prospecting, Turbulent.
A comedian through and through, Eastwood will never pass up an opportunity to make herself and others laugh, even in the most dire of situations. She takes a lot of joy in annoying others and pressing their buttons, something which her observance allows her to do very effectively.
The one thing Eastwood values the most in others, and herself, is courage – and in turn, those who are cowardly will always find themself on her bad side. It is her belief that if you can't stand up for what you believe in, you may as well have no beliefs at all; complacency is for the weak.
Beau follows her own path in life, regularly disobeying rules and her superiors in favour of doing what she believes to be right. Despite this, she is incredibly loyal and would do just about anything for the people she cares about. She has a strong sense of justice, and is willing to do things that are considered immoral to get to the outcome she deems to be 'right'.
Her capacity for empathy is limited by her antisocial personality disorder, which sometimes leads her to take things too far, but she isn't too egotistical to avoid apologising when she is in the wrong.
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BACKGROUND (tw; sa, child abuse & suicide mention)
September 17th, 1987, Beau was born to Carl and Ida Eastwood in the small town of Encampment, Wyoming, the second of their three children. From the very beginning, she was a problem child; always getting into fights with her older sister and her peers, being uncooperative with her parents, and being generally argumentative.
As she grew older, Beau noticed the way her mother would favour her older sister Carrie, and while her father was much less obvious – perhaps only because he was hardly ever home – it was clear that he too preferred her more well behaved sibling. After her brother Everett was born, when Beau was six, it became obvious that it wasn’t just a case of her parents not liking her, because they showed the same disinterest for Everett too. She disregarded their authority from the get go, but the favouritism made her lose any lingering respect she had for them. Deep down she knew it was her fault they didn’t like her, but she retaliated because of her brother.
Tensions between them only grew as she got older. Beau didn’t do well in school, her limited attention and frustrations with her home life leading her to become a troubled student, which predictably made things worse with her parents with every failed report card she brought home. Carl was a Governor, and her mother was very concerned with his reputation, and having a child with such poor performance reflected badly on him.
When she was ten, and had a GPA of 1.0, Ida hit her for the first time. At first, she didn’t fight back; part of her believed she deserved it, she already knew it was her fault they didn’t like her in the first place, but another part of her bottled up all the anger she felt, over and over again until it inevitably exploded a year later.
When Ida made the mistake of hitting Everett, that’s what pushed Beau over the edge. She fought back this time, attacking her mother with every ounce of pent up rage she’d been stifling for her whole childhood. It was bad enough to leave a scar on Ida's face from how hard she scratched her, but they kept it quiet – just like Beau thought they would. With how obsessed her parents were with keeping up appearances, she knew they wouldn't breathe a word of what happened to anyone, not even the doctors.
After that, her mother left her alone. Where before she had an intense dislike for Beau, now it seemed she feared what she had created. She uses this to her advantage, of course, leveraging Ida's fear to get what she wanted; be it a note to skip school, or cigarettes and the keys to the truck as she got older, and most importantly, protecting Everett from their parents' wrath.
She lost her tooth when she was 16; got into an argument with one of the school's football players and it escalated from there. He may have knocked out her tooth, but he went home with a broken arm and a bruised ego. Though it mostly remained unspoken, everyone in Encampment knew what Beau was capable of. Her classmates saw her bloodied knuckles, and while they didn't know who she was fighting, they knew to stay away from her.
It carried on like that until Beau graduated highschool – barely, with a 2.0 – and decided she was going to enlist in the military. What she wasn't expecting was for her parents to try and convince her to stay in Encampment; She assumed they just wanted to pretend they had some semblance of control over her, but it also made her think about Everett and how she couldn't just leave him alone with them. After a lot of arguing, they eventually managed to convince her to stay, compromising by promising her a job at the sheriff's office.
For three years she worked as an officer, taking up night shifts to minimise not only how much work she'd have to do, but also how often she'd encounter her parents, seeing as she still lived in their house. She didn't know when, and she didn't know how, but one day she'd use the money to get out of this town, and she'd take Everett with her.
It was 2008 by the time anything changed.
There was a girl, Anna, in the same grade as Beau. They'd never spoken, but Anna was known around town to be the kindest soul there was – quiet, but compassionate. She volunteered at the church in her free time, tutored the younger kids who had a hard time with school, fed the stray cats, the whole nine yards. Anna didn’t graduate, though, she killed herself a year before and nobody knew why.
Eastwood found out, through gossip from their coworkers, that it was Officer Steven Cline's fault. He'd assaulted Anna and the whole precinct knew, yet none of them ever did anything about it. They swept it under the rug and let an innocent girl die to protect their colleague.
Beau had always been an angry person, but this was on another level; where was the justice? Where was the fairness? Cline – all of them, they were cops, they were supposed to protect the community, not abuse their power over it. She decided, the day she found out, that she'd take justice into her own hands, since nobody else was willing to.
He was dead four days later. They found his body outside the sheriff's office, a bullet hole through his skull and his blood staining the sidewalk.
Eastwood didn't stick around to find out what they did about it. The same day she killed him, she returned home, left an envelope containing all the money she'd made in her three years of working in an envelope with her phone number under Everett's pillow, took the keys to her dad's truck, and skipped town.
After 21 years, she was finally free of that town. Free of her parents, free of everyone who thought they knew her, and though she regretted not taking Everett with her, she wasn't sure how he'd react to his sister being a murderer. She left him her number, so he could contact her if he ever wanted to; and she left him her money, so he could be free too.
It was only when she enlisted that she finally found out she was enhanced. It was a shock, both to her and the medical team running her tests, that she found out this late in life. Eastwood wasn't sure what exactly it meant at first, but she was just so excited to finally be doing what she wanted, the implications of the term 'conscription' went completely over her head.
It only hit her when they told her she'd have to be sterilised how serious it actually was. But this is what she'd always wanted, it didn't matter if she was conscripted, she would've joined the army anyway. So she took it in her stride and shipped out to the Marine Corps with her head held high.
She met Bianca 'Vantage' Roh not long after she joined. Of course, she'd gone around telling everybody she was enhanced, before she knew it wasn't a widely celebrated thing, so naturally Vantage sought her out as the only other enhanced member of their unit.
The two became fast friends, not only because of their enhancement, but because they were easily the best of their unit and both of them took great pleasure in making sure no-one ever forgot it. They were so similar in personality, good-humoured with the inability to take anything seriously, it was inevitable that they would be friends. Beau was a lot happier, and a lot less angry, now that she had a real friend.
Beau enjoyed the military like she thought she would, even with all the orders she had to follow, which she surprisingly had little issue with. She figured that since she was conscripted, that meant they couldn’t discharge her, no matter how insubordinate she was. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence for her to get disciplinaries for talking back or disobeying orders. She completed her objectives with ease, but she would always stray just far enough to put a few more grey hairs on her commanding officer's head.
A year goes by in relative normality before anything happens.
2010, she was taken as a prisoner of war. None of them saw it coming; one minute they were driving a convoy, the next they were waking up in a basement in god knows where. She could handle the dark, the cold, the pained cries of her comrades, but it was the waterboarding that broke her down. They held her face under a running stream, left her gasping for air, and submerged her head in a trough over and over and over, never leaving her enough time to recover before they'd start again.
Three weeks went by like that before she was able to escape. How she did it was a mystery to her at the time, but looking back, it's obvious it was her enhancement. She really though she was going to die that day, with water in her lungs and barely enough energy to function; but it's thanks to all her injuries that she managed to break the shackles that restrained her. Eastwood fought her way out of that basement with nothing but her fists – alone, because her comrades succumbed to the torture long before.
Those three weeks left her with PTSD so severe she couldn't even get her face wet in the shower without having flashbacks. It was difficult, going back to normal after something like that. Vantage helped her as much as she could, but there's only so much talking they could do before it stopped being helpful.
Everett called her for the first time two months after she got back. She put him down as her next of kin, so it makes sense that they contacted him when she was declared M.I.A.
He was angry at first, understandably, because he didn't understand how she could dissappear like that without saying anything, not even goodbye. Beau was hesitant to tell him the real reason she left, but she would rather he heard it from her than anyone else. It scared him, she could tell, but he didn't outright disown her, so she took that as a good sign.
They talked for hours that night, about everything she'd missed since she left. Everett used the money she left her and got a place in Jackson, he got a job at the theatre and he got free tickets sometimes, that he shared with his boyfriend, and he thought Beau would really like him.
It hurt, missing watching her brother grow into himself, but she was so happy for him she burst into tears on the phone.
After that, things got better again. It was easier knowing her little brother was doing okay, and that he still cared about her despite how she left things. 
In 2011, the base their unit was stationed at got a visit from a decorated Navy captain. It's the most interesting thing that's happened in years so of course, everyone was talking about it from the moment her helicopter touched down. She asked for Eastwood and Vantage by name, and at first Beau thought it was because they were in trouble, that maybe what she did in Encampment finally caught up to her, but those worries were quickly put to rest. The captain introduced herself as Orca, the commander of a PMC for enhanced individuals, and offered them both jobs. 
Eastwood liked the captain from the moment she first opened her mouth. She could tell they were kindred spirits from the way she insulted their commanding officer in the first sentence she spoke to him. She didn't take more than a second to take the offer, she didn't even bother to read the contract before she signed her name and handed it back. Vantage easily followed suit, and within the day they were flying back to Texas in the back of Orca's helicopter.
The OSOD gave them more freedom than Beau imagined she'd ever get. They didn't have to follow grooming regulations, so when finally dyed her hair like she'd always wanted to; And Orca, she was just as much a friend as she was their Captain. Perhaps Beau was thinking too wishfully, but the OSOD felt more like home – more like family – than anything else she'd felt in her entire life.
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FUN FACTS
She can play the entirety of 'Free Bird' on electric guitar, including the solo – and she will take every opportunity to show this off.
She wears both the mask and the goggles for aesthetic purposes only, not because she wants to hide her face. She just thinks they look cool.
She was emo in highschool (she still is, she just doesn't look it anymore).
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hanako-san · 8 months
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Hanako kun killed Tsukasa, but it was ruled a suicide for both of them, so we can't be sure if the parents also died voluntarily after finding the twins dead. They could be already dead or the mother could have gone crazy and decided to commit family suicide by killing her husband and then decided to kill the twins when they got home, failing to kill both of them and accidentally dying, or Tsukasa trying to protect Amane killed her, thus showing your true power. Can you tell me your theory?
Anon-san, it's going to be a lot of chaos, but I hope I can explain it well.
Tsukasa confirmed in Chapter 91 that after Amane's murder, he committed suicide. At least that's what we know so far. I used to think like you, but now I have a different point of view and I'm not sure about anything. Only the matter is more complex and complicated in my opinion. One thing hasn't changed, Anon, is that I have a feeling that the Minamoto family may have had something to do with this tragedy, and I'm thinking about it even before revealing the Minamoto's dirty deeds.
I'm still considering this option. As for Yugi's family itself. I would consider the mother and Tsukasa's relationship. She knew something was wrong with her son, I suspect she was the first to guess, but she didn't get help. After getting no help, the mother pretended she didn't know anything? She pushed Tsukasa away? What were the relations between them? Have they cooled down? How their family suffered? Amane, I also find it odd that he was fixing that clock. Why did he want to control time? for yashiro? although this seems unlikely to me as it is shown that he didn't remember her when she jumped in time, Does it have to do with Tsukasa personally and what was he supposed to choose Amane "You can't have two. Decide" Is it about him and her? Why can't he have them both then. I'd like to be wrong that it was about yashiro. But Tsukasa's last action leaves me in no doubt that it could be. But Amane's reaction in chapter 101 at the beginning shows that there may be more to it. Amane killed Tsukasa and himself, decided to be lost with him, accepted his suffering and redemption and at first he said that he had a really special reason and maybe he learned something? Tsukasa is the most important person in Amane's life, so I believe that killing him would really be for a special reason. Beating him for a short time must have made him think of murder. What must happen that the boy who got a second chance from his brother decided to end it when he wanted to live? This is weird and it must be about something important, really important! Therefore, I am able to agree with the opening words of Amane.
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"Very special reason " Exactly!! Even the reaction on his face, his piercing eyes and sweat show that he was forced to do it and is saw on both Amane as Amane and Amane as Hanako. I think his motivation is similar to what happened to Aoi. Amane agreed to this to save yahsiro's life. I think it was kind of the other way around here, Amane wanted to protect Tsukasa and still does, protecting him like his yorishiros and out of love, but it really would have to be a really serious and special reason to go that far, but as Amane has shown, he's willing to do it for the people he loves. So I believe Amane was forced to take his little brother's life for a very special reason. Amane must have also seen about his brother's connection to the supernatural world. I think so, and repairing this clock is a clue to that for me. if what happened in that house, there were actually '4 people' there, I suspect it's possible that Amane killed Tsuaksa at school, and if at home the newspaper lied and I wouldn't consider it because they were talking about 'suicide' and Tsuaksa was killed. It's possible that the parents killed each other after what happened to their children. I don't rule it out in any way, but I think there were more reasons for it After the sacrifice, Tsukasa talked about the family that is still in this house, I doubt he would talk about his family since he was really surprised that Amane would kill him at the age of 13 and that's why he decided to come back and misses his brother despite everything and that 'they' won't let him go out. Who are 'they' and what really made wishes come true? This power is related to twins. This power comes from God? I don't think God hunted the house where the twins lived and where Tsukasa was imprisoned and which power the twins possess. I believe Amane calls it God because Tsukasa once told him that 'god'' living in his house, but it could actually be something evil and powerful that Tsukasa has in his body and Amane did that thing with it. And if it's really God, what deal did they make? Amane is for following the rules, Tsukasa for breaking them. Even Teru said that the 7 mysteries in the school are very special. The ground is cursed where the school stands, maybe the mysteries have something to stop something bad? Instead of sacrificing the girls, a system was created that was divided between the supernaturals and they share the care of what shouldn't get out or something. I find it strange that the power that the twins have with the thing that lives in the red house. It is possible that the power was taken and divided to weaken the evil that was there.
Parents… They could kill not necessarily together, but separately, for reasons of losing their beloved sons, and something more. It's possible the twins' parents are still at home. It's possible they may have gone insane too. They are Yugi's family, it's possible that they were so close that they couldn't live without each other. I suspect that the parents did not cross to the other side until their last journey, and in the red house, despite the passing years, the soul does not disappear.
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Father of twins or someone else? The house has always been cursed, and it's possible that something has contributed to this family's tragedy as well. It's possible that this family was the first victim of this thing that's been living in this house for years. Tsukasa was years later the first victim to sacrifice for his brother. In every era, someone has to sacrifice themselves and give their lives, whether for the sake of the inhabitants or for the person they love. I truly believe that it wasn't just love that was the cause of this family's suicide and murder, but something much more sinister and dark. Maybe because the father killed himself, and then the mother, unable to bear the fact that she had lost her beloved family, or as I said earlier, went crazy for some reason, not just because of the twins. I also believe that the twins were the main reason the parents decided to commit suicide. It seems to me that despite everything that my mother suspected about Tsukasa and it is not known what their relationship with Tsukasa was after and whether it affected the family, I believe that they still loved each other very much.
There are so few threads on this issue, and so many possibilities for what could have happened. Personally, I'm curious and I'm waiting for AidaIro to reveal it. I hope you understood anyway Anon, my choas on this matter that I have. I also wanted to include the twins because I believe they are the core of this case, and I believe that Tsukasa's murder and Amane's suicide weren't 'just like that'
Edit: I forgot regaining true strength suits Tsukasa, not Amane. It's Tsukasa who has it, it's Tsukasa who was able to kill number 3 on his boundary, it's Tsukasa who is able to move when time is stop. I I would doubt Grandma Minamoto's words I did I don't trust this family. They're so fake and has dirty deeds and teru is the same like them.
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sroop · 8 months
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guided (iii) - discont.
Reyza turns back to him to listen. Briefly, though she couldn't see it, they smile at each other.
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A/N: also a little warning for death and violence, and also a little heads up that I started this assuming it would be a one chapter sort of done deal, but it's grown from there. The next bit will start in season 1 of the show
Summary: Din wants to believe in her. He does believe in her. Sometimes, it feels like it goes a little beyond faith.
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Din made her freeze the body in carbonite, and Reyza imagines he'd done it so he could watch for a reaction, scanning for clues as to why she'd acted so uncharacteristically. Reyza knows she acted uncharacteristically. She also knows that Din knows she acted uncharacteristically. But the truth is hard to admit to herself, much less out loud to that towering metal man. When she imagines herself staring him in the eye, explaining that, yes, her emotions really did get the best of her like he said they would, her mouth clamps shut.
She wonders if that would be any easier than telling him why she'd done it. More accurately, why she couldn't stop herself. There's no fast, painless way of saying that man pushed children so hard they died and the rest of the survivors and I spent the rest of our lives under his sorry thumb, so sorry you had to shoot him to pieces.
Reyza bit her cheek hard to stop the flood of memories. Just in time, because Din comes into the cockpit and sits in the pilot's seat heavily.
"You failed."
Reyza can't find it in herself to refute him, so she nods.
"Yes."
"I warned you about this."
"I know."
Gods, he was really making it hard for her. The explanation claws at her throat, begging to be heard, but she already knows that she'd sound like nothing more than a small child making excuses. She needed - wanted - to prove she was more than that.
"We've lost time and money because we don't get paid for a dead body."
This is maybe the most challenging issue. Without the credits, they were running on nearly bone-dry funds, and the Razor Crest needed repairs for damages done by a ravinak while grabbing some bounty on a frosty planet she hadn't bothered to commit to memory. It really was all her fault.
"I'll earn it back. I'll ask Karga for extra pucks, even direct commissions," she says as coolly as possible. Din grunts.
For a while, the flight back to Nevarro is silent and tense. Din is growing tired of it being so kriffing uncomfortable between the two of them, from days before when Reyza had chosen this cursed bounty to now, on the trek back. So he leans back in his chair and offers her an olive branch.
"What was it about this one? You know better," he begins. Even before, when they'd been on Nevarro to collect pucks, he'd noticed the way she'd balked seeing this one. And then the way she'd snatched it before Din could even consider it. It had always meant something to her. He sees Reyza forming the words in her head, trying to work out how exactly she should answer. Silently, he turns to the systems information display to give her the privacy of thinking.
When she does answer, it sounds careful. Like she's navigating her way around land mines.
"He was Polaris. One of the... handlers for newer agents." She clears her throat. "When you join the society, you start off in a group of kids and you change handlers, until you reach their standard. Sometimes, the kids don't survive but by then they're like family to you." Reyza tries to stop herself, but the word family is out there now and it's as though it had held hands with all the other words she was trying to hold back, pulling them out without her permission.
"We grew up together, we were all we had, and it was like he wanted us to suffer. I used to think that maybe he enjoyed being the reason why we..." Reyza shakes her head and shrugs. "By the end of it, three of our ten lived. We got our stars."
Din turns to watch her thumb at her necklace.
"Where are they now?"
"Dead. We're all dead. The people still out there aren't Polaris, not really at least. It's just lost pieces of the star now."
Din wants to ask how they'd died, but he knows he shouldn't.
It strikes him how similar the two of them are. Taken as young children, raised to fight in wars, belonging to weakened factions barely a shade of their former strength, and now bounty hunters. The truth was that she was never really his apprentice. She never needed to be. On paper, in one of Karga's neat little datapad files, that's what it says; but it was really just a cover for his fear. I've got fresh blood, Mando, but this one's tricky. I don't know if I can trust her.
So he'd taken her on, if only to help a friend feel things out. In the past year they'd been traveling together, she'd been a worthy ally. She could do things Din just couldn't, in his heavy armor and heavier weapons, like scaling walls that he's sure has no handholds or slipping in and out of view without so much as a trace. He knows it's not magic, but sometimes he swears it is. How else does she disappear? Gone even to the tracking lens he has beneath his helm. Din was reluctant to admit it, but Reyza was also good company to be in. Bounty hunting could be burdensome, and she was competent and even kind sometimes.
He looks at her again, once more curled in her seat and tilted away from him. He wants to ask how old she is exactly, and when her birthday is. Instead, he settles for this.
"Foundlings are raised in coverts. We have groups of kids around the same age too, and you start training with..."
Reyza turns back to him to listen. Briefly, though she couldn't see it, they smile at each other.
The streaks of passing stars in hyperspace light the dim space the Crest cradles them in, and when Nevarro lurches into view, Din resists turning back to look at her again. Reyza is quiet, and finally, it feels warm.
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thanks for reading, any feedback appreciated!
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witchwitha-b · 2 years
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So another try to get this part of the collaboration with @paigenoelchas-blog and other writers to upload 😮‍💨 Maybe this time it will work, if it worked the parts are split! I know it's annoying and I wanted to do it completely but there seems to be no other way😑 I got inspired by movies like Pride and Prejudice, little women and musicals like Hamilton and Cyrano for this part! I hope this works 🙏
I hope you like it! Have a great day<3
PS: I listened to a playlist while writing to get me in the mood 😅 I will link it for you on the other part.
PPS : if this works thanks for the help @x3kristax3
Dusty Rooms and Poetry (somewhere in America 1840)
Hospital - Jake
I'm walking through the white room, restless as I watch her still sleeping figure in the bed. She looks so small in it, as if she could shatter into a million pieces any second. My skin itches just to think about her never waking up again, my head hurts I should stop thinking altogether. My phone rings constantly, it's mostly Lilly and Hannah worrying about me and her, sometimes the other try to contact me as well but I just can't stand to text them. Not yet. Not right now. I shut off my phone and throw it back onto the small night stand beside her bed. I'm restless but tired, I'm nauseous but hungry, I'm dehydrated but I'm still crying somehow. I sit down on the chair that became like a second bed to me, like support when my legs failed to do so. Her hand is warm but it's not enough, I brush away her hair, put a little streak behind her ear and caress her soft cheek. "Hey there, my love." I say and do something that I started since we arrived here but never did before. I pray and hope to whoever might hear that she can feel and hear what I do and say. "I remembered that one movie you forced me to watch with you. And I know that I looked bored but I actually really enjoyed it and I enjoyed how much you fell in love with it. Like I fell in love with you. And I couldn't stand to see you cry because of the ending but I guess I have to get used to it, right? You are a emotional person and I love this passion about you. I remembered the movie because I was thinking too much again then I started to have this poem in my head. Maybe I write it down, read it to you. I'm sure you would love it."
I would love to hear your poem... It makes me happy... I think before I slip into another unwanted but needed sleep
Somewhere in America 1840
"MC wake up! Wake up!" I open my eyes and at that exact moment my Amme opens the heavy curtains of my room. Light floods every corner and I close my eyes once more to not become too overwhelmed. "Come on get up my lovely child. You have a big day today." I open one eye and look at her. " Big day?" She takes my arms softly and drags me into a sitting position, her brown eyes wide with shock. "Have you forgotten already? You are going to meet the bankers son!" I roll my eyes and push away the duvet. "What if I don't love him? You know what the people say...he is bizarre." My Amme pushes me off the bed and drags me over to the bathroom, sits me down onto a chair and begins to clean my face and body with a wet cloth. Her rosé dress swings carefully with her movements and the white bonnet is secure around her head. "Since when do you care about the talk of the people? And apart from that even if he is as bizarre as the people say, he can provide for you. Give you a good life, my sweet child." I close my eyes against the cold, wet cloth in my face which does not keep me from speaking. "I'm frightened, Amme. Frightened that I will not love him." She stops for a second. "My dear....children need love. Adults need a secure future and women need a safe, provided life. There is no need to fear as long as you have one of those things. Now let's get you dressed, my dear." We stand up and walk back into the bedroom. She began to dress me for the day, starting with my undergarments and the corset, then the under petticoat, the crinoline and then the over petticoat. Next came the camisole and we finished everything with the dress and the shoes. It was pale yellow with black features, I did not pick it out but I loved it immediately and was very grateful to have my Amme. " Now let's eat and then he will arrive." Amme starts to rush towards the door but I stop her halfway through. "I don't think I can swallow a thing, my dearest Amme." Her brown eyes look back at me and I know exactly what they say. "You will still try, Catalina put a lot of effort into your food as she always does." I huff quietly before I nod and join her.
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themountainsays · 2 years
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Julieta and Bruno stopped dating something before/after Mirabel was born in the dad Bruno AU, right? Because that makes me kind of curious about how their relationship would be in the present...
Like, I'd imagine the stress of having an accidental incest baby that they had to hide probably made their break up a lot more sour than it would've been normally, right? And I can't imagine they relationship got any better after the rest of the family found out. So maybe bitterness has festered over the years, especially with both of them commiting mistakes when raising their daughter. I can definitely see them getting into a screaming match at some point, each pointing out how the other has failed to protect Mirabel in some way over the years.
Ahh Julieta and Bruno's relationship in this AU would probably be VERY complicated and have a very long history (50 years of history in fact). So much that it's actually a bit intimidating to think about 👉👈 i feel like i'd need a whole other fanfic in my head to serve only as background.
I think that... they might have discussed the possibility of ending their relationship for some time before Julieta met Agustín. At this point Pepa was probably involved with Félix and planning to marry him soon so Julieta and Bruno kinda saw her and thought... "damn we could never have that, ever." The more I think about them, the younger I want them to have been when they first got together. I'm thinking late teens? So, okay it was a good thing at first. They loved each other. They made each other very happy. And sure, it was one thing when they were younger, but I guess they always knew, in the back of their minds, that there was no way to make it work long term. Bruno was always too scared to see something painful if he looked into their futures. Still, they knew they couldn't get married, thought they couldn't have kids... and they weren't thinking about life as husband and wife when they were nineteen, but now they're nearing their thirties and they're beginning to realize their time is over.
They start to distance themselves, but they don't officially end things until Julieta begins to become involved with Agustín. She realizes they work very well together, and she knows she'd fall in love if she allowed herself to, but she had Bruno, yet both she and Bruno knew they couldn't keep it up forever and Agustín was such a great man, he could offer Julieta a real family and a real future. Bruno had nothing good to offer her.
In the end, I think he was the one who encouraged her to go after him. There was no fight, and they broke up in the best terms possible considering their situation, but it still broke both of their hearts.
Now don't get me wrong, Julieta truly does love her husband, and she doesn't regret marrying him in the slightest. By the time Isabela is born, she's certain that she made the right decision (even if it hurt. Even if it was hard). But... I think her true feelings for Bruno never fully went away. She just learned to tuck them into a little box and hide it in a corner of her heart, so she could make space for her husband and daughters. But they were still there, and they captured her attention if she disturbed the box too much, and Bruno's case was the same, only he had no spouse or children to distract him, so they probably tried to keep some cordial distance, while still turning to each other for appropriate comfort and support when they needed it, but I'm sure Pepa was always their first option, because they didn't want to risk disturbing the boxes. I imagine Bruno might have tried to fill in the emptiness in his heart with his love for his nieces, for his mother, and... he probably tried to love his sisters equally, but he couldn't help feeling the way he did for Julieta. He may or may not have tried to overcompensate by becoming closer with Pepa, but Pepa kinda ended up hating him in the end, and his nieces already had parents of their own, and his own mother thought he was a disappointment, so... pulling away from the one person he felt at home with was very painful for him, even though they were both trying to be mature and smart and move on responsibly.
He might have tried to meet other women. It never worked out. He could only think about Julieta.
I imagine they couldn't fully let go of each other. I imagine they might have shared a shy kiss here and there, something that made them feel young and rebellious again... and that always left them with a bitter sense of guilt afterwards. I imagine they shared a bed more than once, telling themselves it was innocent. And, yes, one time, one, they slept together again.
They regreted it so much, that they didn't speak to each other for weeks. They didn't look at each other. They avoided each other. They were genuinely scared - Julieta was horrified of herself for cheating on her husband with her own brother, for falling into temptation and for making such an immature, irresponsible mistake. She was 35, not 20. She felt herself drowning in shame and becoming closer to her husband than ever, doing her very best to forget about the little box in her heart and, when her belly started to grow, she nearly fully convinced herself that the child was Agustín's. Bruno, on the other hand, hated himself for ruining Julieta's life. He was certain it was his fault. He hurt the only person who loved him - she wouldn't even look at him these days. This is the first time Bruno considers the idea of disappearing.
Mirabel is born. She has a terrible eyesight, and Julieta takes that as a sign that she's Agustín's child. She's so happy, she doesn't even consider fixing it. Bruno wants to be glad but he can't help but be suspicious - the date matches perfectly. 40 weeks. He hates himself for feeling suspicious. He tells himself he only wants a kid, like the ones his sisters have - that he wants something to share with Julieta - that he wants something to keep Julieta chained to him. He shouldn't think something so horrible about his sister's baby. In reality, he's just scared. He still doesn't try to have a vision.
Mirabel grows up. She takes perfectly after her mother and looks nothing like Agustín, save for her poor eyesight. Bruno hates himself for wondering if she has any Agustín in her at all. Mirabel seems to instinctually imitate some of Bruno's body language. Bruno hates himself for wondering if "imitating" is the right word. Mirabel doesn't get a gift. At this point, the fear and shame becomes too much. He confronts Julieta about it. She may or may not confess that, if they calculated the weeks of her last pregnancy, everything points to Bruno being the father. I suppose that would be the only way to know for certain, dunno. But the point is that... now they know. Mirabel is their kid. They had a kid together. They did everything wrong and now they have a kid. Mirabel hears, everyone finds out, they have the horrible reaction you'd expect, shame drives them further apart, Bruno is not involved in Mirabel's life at all... it's bad.
This is where they begin to resent each other. Julieta takes Bruno's departure as abandonment. For the first time in her life, she's alone, and the one person who could stand by her side - her brother - her old partner - her daughter's father - has left her. And if anything makes her fall out of love, it's this ultimate betrayal. This is the case regardless of whether Bruno leaves in the same way as he does in canon, or if he just retreats into his tower, only leaving to ocasionally get some food (always Julieta's food, of course, which only angers her more - she keeps him alive and he won't even leave his tower to try to defend her from their mother). She doesn't want to think he's a coward, she knows she didn't leave because he didn't want to face the consequences of his actions - he sees leaving as the proper punishment. Leaving is the consequence. She knows him. She knows he thinks he has nothing good to offer and that removing himself from the situation is the only good thing he can do (and she's right: that's exactly what Bruno thinks). She tries to be compassionate and forgiving but... she also knows Bruno is fucking wrong, and that his own self-loathing is making him a piece of shit rn. She tried to tell him and show him a million times that not only he had good things to offer, but that he had a responsability to make up for his mistakes, and no, "disappearing because everyone else would be better off without him" isn't what fixing means. But he never listened. In that sense, she does think he's a coward: he could never fight his own demons. He's not scared of standing up to Alma. He's scared of standing up to himself. And as a result, he abandoned his sister when she needed him the most.
This is when Julieta gives up on him. She's willing to forgive him, one day, if he comes back, apologizes and accepts to fight for her and their daughter, but she's sick of going out of her way to look for him, save him from himself, fixing his problems and worrying herself sick over his lack of self-esteem. Old resentmnets come back to the surface: she tolerated his cowardice when they were younger, but not anymore. She could put up with the way he relied on her when she was barely older than a child and thought that taking care of everyone was her responsability, but she's beginning to realize that Bruno never really stood up for her. Not when it came to them. He never had the courage to say "hey, why can't we get married?" And oh, he still had the gall to go look for her after she'd married someone else? No. She didn't deserve this. She never deserved this treatment. And now it was too late. Her husband miraculously forgave her and protected her and stood up for her and tried to be an actual father to Mirabel, even if Alma wouldn't let him, even if he never succeeded. At times, Julieta even wonders what the hell she was thinking in her youth, to waste her time with her own brother when she could have been with Agustín all along. She starts to resent herself for her decisions. She begins to resent not only her and Bruno's relationship as partners but also their decisions as siblings. Add Alma's shaming and the abuse the family puts Mirabel through because of her origins, and Julieta's shame over her incestuous relationship with her brother only grows. She regrets everything. She regrets bringing Mirabel into this world the way she did, she regrets loving Bruno, she regrets putting up with him, she regrets everything, everything, everything. And, because she is so compassionate, she can never bring herself to blame Bruno entirely. In her eyes, they share the blame. She's guilty, too, and now their daughter needs to pay the consequences.
She still loves him, of course. This is a hatred born out of love. I'm sure they could repair their relationship one day, even if only as sibilings. With time. Lots of time, patience and forgiveness. Bruno has a lot of apologizing to do.
Though he doesn't see Julieta as an angel, either. He sees the hardship and pain that she allows Mirabel to be subjected to, and he grows frustrated. He may or may not intervene, once or twice, but never enough to make a difference. He only manages to piss Alma off. It only cements in his head the idea that he can't really do anything for Mirabel, other than disappearing from her life. So he just... resents Julieta for not protecting their daughter better. I imagine Julieta doesn't stand up for her daughter as much as she should because she's ashamed of her. Sometimes, she still sees her as an extension of her crimes with her brother, rather than a scared child to love and protect. She feels like the punishment Mirabel faces is punishment Julieta deserves, and she finds herself unable to defend Mirabel without coming across as defending herself and her decisions, so the best thing she can do is to just... keep Mirabel out of her room during the bad times, so she won't take the brunt of Alma's anger. Julieta's constant failure to hide her shame from Mirabel ends up giving Mirabel the message that she herself is something to be ashamed of. She becomes ashamed of herself, even when she did nothing wrong. Bruno can't forgive Julieta for that. Not now at least. Though it's not like he can say much, because he's not doing more than her to protect Mirabel. They are terrible. Completely unable to protect their kid. Ocasionally having shouting matches in which they tell each other just how wrong they're doing everything, what a terrible parent they are, how they should both be ashamed of themselves. They hate themselves and each other. All little Mirabel hears is that everyone would be better off if she'd never been born.
The thing is that Mirabel's existance feels to them like a reminder of their crimes haunting them, shaming them, punishing them... when in reality, this is a little kid who needed her parents' love. Until they understand that Mirabel needs them to move on from their shame, they won't be good parents to her.
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protect-namine · 1 year
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(oshi no ko manga spoilers ahead)
aqua hoshino is such a mess of a person but the thing is. gorou was already doomed to never having a normal relationship with ai from the beginning. before he meets her, he already felt guilty over his own mother's death, and later he was was so affected by the death of a young patient that he started watching the idol ai in her honor. when he meets ai for the first time, it is not as fan and idol, but as doctor to a young mother. and while the beginning of the manga and anime frames his desire to protect ai as an extension of his idol worship, which isn't untrue, ai is also the ultimate second chance that the universe gives him. if he can't protect his mother, or his young patient with a terminal illness, maybe he can at least do it for this young mother who still has a bright future ahead of her. she is who sarina wanted to be like, and her desire to have children to care for without compromising her own dreams and career (meaning she'll never see her children as a burden, because she chooses to have everything, she CAN have everything) is something that personally touches gorou as someone who, just like sarina and ai, never had a mother to love.
and he still couldn't do that!! he dies, gets reincarnated as aqua, and has the chance to protect ai again. his and ruby's existence allows ai to experience and recognize for herself genuine love, while the kids experience what it's like to actually have a loving family. all is well, this is literally the happiest years all three of them has ever experienced. and then. and then!! aqua fails to protect ai, again!!! not only that, but this time, he has survivor's guilt to boot!!
like I cannot stress how much ai was everything to aqua. he cannot be normal about her. she was his idol, she was the mother and family he never had, she was sarina's hope and who sarina could have been like if she was healthy, she is the reason he even has this second life to begin with. she symbolizes every loss and trauma aqua has had since he was gorou even before he met her. he's like four years old when she dies in front of him. ai is everything to him and is central to aqua's reason for being in his second life. like, no wonder he's having kaneki-esque brain conferences when his ptsd acts up. if there was a person that he feels he should have been able to protect, it's her!! he had the medical expertise, he had a second chance, he even knew about the stalker.
alas, there's not much a toddler can do, but that won't stop aqua from feeling guilty about it!!
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lilyevanstan1325 · 4 months
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🥀 Falling Apart 🥀
Chapter 8
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Steve POV
My hands grip the edge of the sink with so much force that I hear the ceramic screeching tightly between my fists, creaking for mercy.
I look at my reflection in the mirror and I don't recognize myself anymore.
A destroyed expression distorts my features, shining eyes and clenched jaw.
Her expression.
The only thing I can see reflected in the mirror is her expression when I told her I still love her.
A sad smile peeks on my lips.
What did I expect?
I shake my head grabbing it in my hands.
I already knew it and yet having her confirmed was far more devastating than I had even remotely imagined.
I feel my heart beating furiously in my chest and my breathing speeds up, speeds up until I find myself panting heavily.
I turn my back on my reflected image and lean towards the shower, turning on the water and within a few minutes the room begins to fill with steam.
I turn back to face the mirror and with a quick movement I take off the t-shirt letting it fall into the sink.
I pass a hand on the mirror removing the steam that has deposited on it, forming a patina and tarnishing the shiny surface.
As soon as my image is clearly visible again my gaze immediately falls on the necklace around my neck.
Her engagement ring stands out bright, as if to mock me for keeping alive, all these years, the hope that she could still love me.
Making fun of me for deluding myself.
What a jerk I've been.
Instinctively in a fit of anger I grab it but when I try to tear it away I can't.
I try again, fixing my own eyes firmly in the mirror, but I fail again.
It is as if an invisible hand prevented me from doing this.
Because in spite of everything you love her and you cannot separate from her.You'll never be able to, dude.
The voice of my conscience is right.
As hurt and humiliated as I feel, I can't hate her.
How could I?
She suffered, just like me.
We are both victims.
Victims of ourselves, victims of things greater than us.
Both of us in our life have lost all the people we loved.
Our parents, our friends, our children.
We are both just two empty shells with the only difference that she made an effort to move on.
She has started living again.
And how can I blame her for that?
I too would do anything to move on, to get better.
To no longer feel all this damned and fucking pain that slowly, day after day, corrodes all that is alive left in me.
I loosen my grip around the ring and slowly spread my fingers letting it go.
This is certainly not the solution to get better.
Hatred, anger, resentment are never the right solution.
I sigh trying to regain some self-control and quickly finish undressing, then I enter the shower and immerse myself under the hot water jet.
I place my hands on the tiles in front of me while bending my head forward I allow the water to flow along my entire body.
It's over.
I have to deal with it and surrender to this new life.
To this new life without her.
I will look to the bright side to succeed.
I'll get my children back, I'll get my best friend back and slowly, step by step, I'll make it.
I will get up and live on.
As I always have.
I will continue to survive as I always have.
I will find the strength to do it.
I'm not saying it will be easy but I have to at least try, I mean seriously try.
I have responsibilities in my life.
I am Captain America.
I am an Avengers.
I am a father.
I can't let myself go like this.
I am a point of reference for many people and I cannot afford to disappoint them, any more than I have already done at least.
I lost Peggy.
I lost Lily.
Maybe I'm just doomed not to have a woman by my side.
It won't be that hard, right?
I lift my face, letting the water wash away the few tears I allowed myself to shed when suddenly the door opens violently, banging vigorously against the wall.
The noise reverberates throughout the room making me tremble.
Immediately I turn my gaze towards the source of the noise and find myself in front of two dark eyes full of anger, light orange veins adorn the pupils creating intricate weaves.
"Why did you say those words?" Lily asks me in a decidedly pissed tone.
I feel panicked.
I try to cover myself with my hands as best I can, a warmth blazes on my face.
“Elisabeth!Could you get out?" I stammer embarrassed.
"No.Tell me why you said all those things” she replies crossing her arms over her chest.
Her thin, sharp gaze is directed straight into my eyes.
"We can talk later?I'd be taking a shower.I'm naked”
Lily snorts.
"There's nothing I haven't seen before, Steve" she says, rolling her eyes.
Yeah, nothing she hasn't already seen…it's a pity that her presence, a few steps away from my naked body, does nothing but tease the sleeping beast inside me.
That beast that scratches unstoppable to be released.
The same one that keeps telling me to grab her and fuck her.
To take back what's rightfully mine.
"Lily, I think..."
"Tell me why did you say that"
"Told what?" I burst out, tired of all this.
Defeated I let my arms fall to my sides, right now I can't even worry about being naked under her gaze.
"What are you talking about, Lily?" I ask, exhausted, running a hand over my face.
She continues to keep her arms crossed, her hands clenched in fists with even more force revealing her knuckles as white as salt to my gaze.
I return my gaze to her face.
Her hair is all messed up, as if she ran her hands over and over again.
Her eyes burn.
Her lips are a hard, thin line.
“You told me you would do everything to make our life go back to the way it was before but then instead you acted as if I didn't exist, you avoided me as if I were a contagious disease.And now...now you go out with this bullshit that you still love me?What the hell is your problem, Rogers?" she yells at me visibly pissed off.
I keep watching her as I try to find the words to answer her.
Really she doesn't understands why I did it?
"I did it to protect your relationship with Loki.I admit, I was wrong to tell you that I still love you but I couldn't help myself.In fact, do you know what?"
I answer by pointing a finger at her.
"I am tired.I'm tired of holding back.I'm tired of always trying to do the right thing for the others.I love you and if this is a problem for you and your beloved Loki, well...it's none of my business"
"What the hell does Loki have to do with it now?" she bursts, rolling her eyes.
I look at her dazed...
I thought I was the one out of my mind but apparently she is the one who has lost the reason.
"Are you serious?He's your perfect fucking new boyfriend.He is my problem!Oh God, it's all so fucking absurd.You, me, this story” I laugh joylessly.
Lily stands looking at me in silence.
Her eyes study me carefully, they move from one eye to the other, even lingering on my lips a couple of times.
But then something changes in her.
Her eyes slowly return to normal, losing that disturbing but extremely fascinating shade of orange.
The anger that boiled in her seems to fade until it disappears completely.
"Why have you avoided me these days, Steve?"
Again this question.
Why does she wants to know?
Why does she wants me to humble me to the last?
Why does she forces me to lose even my last shred of dignity?
I sigh wearily.
“Because I realized that near you I risk losing control.And I don't want to put you in a position…let's say uncomfortable.I don't want you to have problem with Loki.When I told you I didn't mean to intrude on your new life I was serious”
Lily lowers her gaze, torturing her delicate fingered hands.
She moves uncomfortably, shifting her weight from foot to foot.
“Why don't you love me enough?Or why am I not worth it?" she whispers faintly leaving me completely speechless.
Disappointed.
Incredulous.
I shake my head even though she can't see me.
“Because I love you too much and I don't want to get you in trouble” I sadly admit.
Yeah, I love her so much I'm willing to bite my tongue until it bleeds rather than get her into trouble with Loki.
Lily jerks her head up at my words and catching me totally off guard she moves towards me until she enters the shower.
I instinctively step back, freezing only when I perceive the cold tiles behind my back.
A shiver shakes me, I don't know if it is from the cold tiles or from hers proximity.
Now Lily is under the jet of water that quickly soaks her hair, her clothes.
While my heart beats at the speed of light I try to look at her eyes groped to understand what is happening, but I do not find them.
I can't find her gaze because her eyes are fixed on my chest.
And without needing her to say anything, I know exactly what she is looking at.
Her engagement ring.
I observe her, holding my breath, as her hand rises and delicately rests on the small gold and diamond ring hanging from my neck.
Her shy and frightened fingers follow its contours.
The water continues to pour over our heads, filling the silence around us with its constant murmuring.
"Have you always kept it with you?" she asks in a whisper.
Her voice trembles and in my stomach a million butterflies take flight.
"Always"
A single word that vibrates with emotion.
Lily raises her head, pointing her big dark eyes at me, immobilizing me like a predator does with his prey.
And it doesn't matter that I'm twice her size, right now her gaze can make me feel so small and helpless.
"Kiss me" she whispers trembling, violently bringing me back to reality.
My eyes widen in amazement.
In my head thousands of thoughts collide chaotically.
My instincts tell me to grab her and give her what she wants but, even though I said earlier I'm tired of holding back, I try to make reason prevail.
I can't disrespect her like that.
"No" I try to say.
Can a simple no drain me of all energy?
Apparently it can.
Lily's hurt gaze hurts like a stab right in the heart.
"You can't really ask me this, Elisabeth"
"Why?"
"Because Loki..."
"What the hell does Loki have to do with it?Could you just forget about him for one fucking moment?"
I open my mouth to say something but then close it again, unable to answer her.
"But he..." I insist.
"He's just a friend, Steve" she snaps, interrupting me and leaving me speechless again.
"What?"
I think I did not understand.
My confused look prompts her to give me an explanation.
“Loki and I are just friends, over the years we have become great friends.He has been my point of reference in the chaos of my life.We helped each other.Without him…without him I could not say with all certainty that I would still be alive today”
Slowly Lily's words take on a meaning.
Just friends.
My heart resumes the desperate race in my chest and the blood runs frantically through my veins, sending me high.
An unstoppable frenzy takes hold of me but I force myself to remain calm.
"I see how he looks at you, for him you are more than a friend..."
Lily surprises me with one of her crystalline laughs.
With her hands she brushes her wet hair away from her face, smiling at me definitely amused.
"He just does it to piss you off"
I knew it.
And Tony calling me paranoid.
“Loki has lost a lot because of Thanos, he has also lost someone very important…someone that neither I nor anyone else can ever replace” adds Lily, looking at her feet and then slowly returning her gaze to my face.
A few drops of water lie embedded on her wet lashes, like pearls lying in a shell.
On her lips, red as sin, now a very sweet smile opens up.
"So...are you kissing me now?" she asks taking a step closer and raising her hands until they rest gently on my chest, right above my heart.
I am sure that under them she can feel my crazy heartbeat.
I close my eyes enjoying the sweet sensation of her hands on me, where her fingers pass my skin is covered with shivers.
New yet familiar sensations ignite my senses.
Rushes of pure adrenaline bring me back to life.
I can finally feel alive.
Again.
Each beat, each breath suddenly becomes sharper.
Again.
With emotion I raise my hands and place them on her face, incredulous and excited to be able to touch her again.
With my thumbs at first I caress her cheekbones, basking in the sensation of her soft skin under my fingertips and then, without being able to help it, I caress her lips.
First the upper one, then the bottom one.
They barely open while a moan rises from her throat that has the power to make even my last faint hesitations collapse and so...
So a moment later my lips are on her in a sweet kiss full of unspoken words.
A kiss that tastes like a welcome home after a long and exhausting journey.
Our lips brush without haste.
Only with the knowledge that we have finally found ourselves.
Finally together again, united again.
Again we against the world.
Her hands shyly go up to my neck, clinging to the back of it.
Gently massaging it.
I kiss her tender lips one more time.
And one more time.
But now it's not enough for me anymore.
Continuing to hold her face in my hands, I kiss her forehead first, then her cheeks and finally the tip of her nose, snatching an amused chuckle from her.
When I finally lower myself back to her lips this time I trace the contours with my tongue and without any effort her mouth opens inviting me to deepen the kiss.
My tongue slips eagerly into her warm mouth, colliding with her velvety tongue that immediately surrenders to me letting me dictate the pace of the kiss.
My hands go down her neck and exerting a little pressure with my fingers I invite her to bend her head back in order to have better access to her mouth.
Her hands go up towards my head, squeezing some strands of my hair between them, pulling them when I passionately bite her lower lip and then suck it with devotion.
A faint moan arises from her throat that has the power to sweep away any fear, any inhibition.
I step forward using my body to squeeze her against the shower glass.
The erection in the midst of my things grows and in search of relief I rub it against her abdomen still covered with too many, far too many, layers of fabric.
My fingers go down to her breasts in search of the buttons of her shirt and after finding them I begin to unbutton them.
But at the second button I lose my patience, I am too excited and high to waste time with these damned tiny ones, so grabbing the two ends of her shirt I jerk it violently making the buttons pop.
Lily starts violently.
I move away from her lips, deciding to open my eyes to enjoy the show in front of me.
Lily gasps furiously, her eyes bright and her lips red from the kiss.
Her chest rises and falls quickly.
I grab her shirt and slide it off her shoulders.
The vision in front of my eyes becomes more and more exciting.
She wears nothing under it.
Her large, voluptuous breasts are a breathtaking sight.
Her belly isn't as soft as I remembered.
Now it is more toned, defined but still extremely sensual.
I would waste hours looking at her perfect body but at the moment there is only one thing I want to do.
There will be time for gentleness and calm.
But not now.
And in her eyes I can see my own urgency.
I finish taking off her shirt which ends up under our feet.
I dive back on her lips, devouring them like a hungry man.
Her fingers trace imaginary paths on my chest, on my abdomen, following the same path of the water that continues to wet our bodies.
Unstoppable.
Unstoppable like the animal fury that seems to have taken possession of us.
I gasp violently when I feel her fingers wrap around my erection and a shiver runs through my spine.
I bite the delicate skin of her neck and a growl of pure excitement leaves my lips.
With frantic gestures I tear off her leggings followed immediately by her panties, leaving her completely naked.
I grab her ass and squeezing it hard I lift her up inviting her to tie her legs around my waist.
We both pant like we're running a marathon.
As if we have already reached the orgasm.
Lily sensually rubs against my pelvis sending me to heaven.
We kiss for a few more minutes, just tongues and teeth, and then unable to restrain myself I grab my cock with one hand guiding it towards her warm and inviting fold.
She trembles in my arms.
"Steve" she whimpers making me stop.
I try to catch my breath, just enough to be able to speak.
“I can stop.If you don't want to…if you don't feel like it we can stop” I whisper on her lips, kissing her again.
Slowly.
Lily shakes her head.
Her lips rest on my collarbone.
She acts as if she wants to say something but she is ashamed of it.
"What's going on, honey?"
Her black eyes streaked with orange lift from my chest, returning to focus their attention on mine.
A shy smile spreads across her face.
"You called me that again.I had missed it”
I smile at her for her sweetness as I kiss her forehead.
"If you will let me I will continue to do it forever" I whisper on her lips kissing her again, sinking my tongue back into her welcoming and submissive mouth.
"I would like to ask you to make love with me but..." Lily whispers after pulling away from my lips.
"As I have already told you if you want we can stop.I don't want to force you to do anything.I don't want you to feel compelled to do something.I don't want to…”
Lily covers my mouth with her hand.
“Don't interrupt me” she scolds me.
We smile at each other.
"As I was saying, I would like to ask you to make love with me but that's not what I want"
I feel a hint of disappointment inside me but I can't blame her.
It's been five years and I can't expect she to feel ready for all of this.
"Steve, look at me"
I didn't realize I looked down until her bewitching voice calls me.
We stare at each other intensely, eye to eye.
Blue and black that merge.
With an exhausting slowness Lily interrupts our eye contact to bring her lips to my ear.
Her warm breath tickles me sending a rush of pleasure straight to my cock.
"I don't want to make love with you because I want you to fuck me.Hard.Fuck me until I forget my name” she whispers sensually.
My heart skips a beat.
And that is enough to make me lose my reason.
Now it's just flesh and instinct.
I turn so that her back is pressed against the shower tiles and returning to grab my dick, I guide it towards her pussy.
I move it up and down, rubbing it against her inviting cunt and then with a decisive thrust I penetrate her.
Lily moans, her moan mixed with pleasure.
I remain motionless inside her warm and enveloping body to give her time to get used to my violent intrusion and I take the opportunity to observe her as I have not done for a long time.
For years now.
Her head is slightly tilted to the side, a half-open mouth and a distorted expression.
It's hard to tell if it's pain or ecstasy.
Her hair made even darker by the water sticks to the sides of her face.
"Are you all right, honey?" I ask her, forcing myself to remain still even if moment by moment it becomes more and more difficult.
Her warm and enveloping sex tightens rhythmically around my dick making my toes curl in pleasure.
“Never been better, Rogers” she whispers as she digs her nails into my shoulders, ripping out a hiss of pleasure from me.
This is the pain I have longed for.
This is the pain I like.
Slowly I begin to move inside her, slipping easily through her wet folds.
Continuing to squeeze her ass hard, I push my hips forward, penetrating her with long, slow thrusts.
I bury my face in the hollow of her neck by running its length with my tongue, going down to her collarbone and then going up and stopping behind her ear, kissing that small portion of tender skin right behind her lobe.
As I mercilessly sink into her body I can't think of anything but her.
Her sweet wildflower scent soothes the wounds of my soul.
Lily gasps moving her hips, meeting my thrusts.
Within a few minutes, I feel the orgasm begin to build up inside me.
I let my hand slip between her legs, right where our bodies are connected, and with my thumb I massage her clit with small rhythmic gestures.
God, how much I had missed touching her, kissing her, fucking her.
She wraps her arms around my neck throwing her head back.
“Oh Steve…fuck!Oh my God!Don't stop” she gasps shamelessly.
And so guided by her plea I push even faster, I penetrate her deeply almost with ferocity.
"I'm about to cum, my babygirl" I grunt with a grimace of pleasure to alter my features.
Lily screams my name one more time and soon after I feel her muscles milking my cock spasmodically and at that moment I lose control.
My testicles harden and my leg muscles tense with the effort until I pour all my pleasure into her womb.
Panting out of breath, I keep holding her in my arms, never leaving her body.
Lily rests her head on my shoulder, I feel her lips tickle the wet skin of my neck.
My legs are shaking as if they are made of jelly but at the moment I just have to grit my teeth because I have other things to think about.
I need to make sure that my sweet Lily is okay.
Passing an arm behind her back I ensure my grip on her body, with my other hand now free I finally close the jet of water and being careful not to slip I exit the shower.
With Lily in my arms, still naked and dripping, I leave the bathroom and without ever detaching ourselves from each other we lie down on the large bed with white scented sheets.
Lily lies beneath me, her beautiful legs spread wide to accommodate my size.
I rest my weight on my elbows and with my fingertips I brush her wet hair from her forehead.
"Are you ok?"
She nods without speaking but continuing to look at me with such intensity that my soul vibrates.
Who knows what she will be thinking about.
Will she be repentant?
Did she do it because she really wanted it?
Did she just wants to have sex?
While I rack my brain with a thousand paranoia, her melodious voice brings me back to reality.
"Steve?"
"Tell me"
"I love you too.I never stopped” she whispers, her eyes is full of tears.
Smiling softly, I caress her face.
Now everything is perfect.
Now I am sure that everything will be fine.
Why am I sure?
Because Lily loves me and that gives me enough strength to be able to face everything to come with much more optimism.
"I love you too, my sweet Lily"
I kiss her again, sealing this new beginning.
Lily POV
Despite my eyes still closed, the light coming in from the windows annoys me.
I whimper turning on my stomach and grabbing the pillow I put it on my head.
Something bothers me, besides the sun I mean...
I feel irritated and confused but the real reason for all this escapes me, preventing me from understanding what triggers my nervousness.
"Good morning" murmurs a sensual voice at my side, voice followed by a kiss on my bare shoulder.
And still another in the center of the shoulder blades.
I smile and magically the bad mood disappears.
I push the pillow away by turning my heads to the side.
My lids just flicker before they open fully.
In front of me are the most beautiful eyes of all creation.
Steve smiles at me, a slight hint of beard covering his practically perfect face.
"Good morning to you too" I murmur yawning.
Steve keeps smiling at me and I feel my heart melt.
He too lies on his stomach, his big muscular arms hidden under the pillow on which he rests his head.
The sunlight coming behind him gives him a celestial aura.
He literally looks like an angel who came down to earth.
Blond hair like ripe wheat and blue eyes like the summer sky.
I rub my face with one hand and yawn again.
"It's late?"
The man in front of me shakes his head.
"No.We still have one hour" he smiles, biting his lower lip.
He smiles slyly at something only he knows.
"Have you been awake long?"
Another sign of denial.
"A couple of minutes"
"Why didn't you wake me up?"
Steve shrugs.
"I wanted some time to observe you"
And despite what happened a few hours ago, his words have the power to embarrass me.
I roll onto my back and, pulling the blanket around me, I sit up trying to cover my still naked body.
Steve immediately notices my change of mood and with a sigh he sits up.
"What happens?"
This time I'm the one shrugging.
The minutes of silence go on.
Why am I embarrassed?
And above all, what is this feeling of discomfort I feel?
"Lily?"
I get out of bed quickly looking for something to wear.
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Steve's shirt on top of the chair and grabbing it I wear it as quickly as possible and then walk away and take refuge in the bathroom.
I open the water and rinse my face, I'm sure the cold water will help me clear my mind.
What happened?
A few moments before waking up a weird feeling of anger and discomfort darkened my heart but as soon as I heard Steve's sweet voice I immediately felt good, immersed in a state of serenity.
I feel good.
But all lasted a few minutes, immediately after all the magic disappeared leaving me with a feeling of discomfort again.
"Hey"
Steve's voice wakes me from my thoughts.
I turn to that melodious sound and find him leaning on the threshold of the door.
His arms crossed in front of his muscle and damn sexy chest and looking down…thank God he had the decency to wear a pair of boxers.
"Everything is alright?"
His worried look studies me carefully.
“Yeah…yeah, it's alright” I lie, trying to smile convincingly.
I wipe my face as I feel Steve's gaze burn down my profile.
I quickly get out of the bathroom, carefully avoiding his gaze.
"Are you regretted?" he asks me point blank.
I stop at his question, turning to him.
He doesn't look angry, just tired.
Am I regretted?
Of course not, how could I ever be?
But there is still something that worries me and that I can't give a name to.
It is as if while I slept something, in my mind, had teased old wounds.
“Don't be ridiculous, Rogers”
“Then why are you cutting me out?I know you well and I know what you are trying to do"
"Really?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.
"Do you really know me that well?"
I keep getting defensive.
Steve nods smiling.
"I know you enough to know that there is something troubling you"
An image goes through my head.
It looks like one of the old images that haunted my nightmares for years, with the only difference this time the woman in Steve's arms isn't Sharon Carter.
No, it's not her.
This time it's Peggy Carter.
Suddenly I remember the dream I had just before waking up.
I smile sadly.
"I want you to be honest with me, Steve"
He approaches me with slow, measured steps until he is just a few inches from my body.
"I always have been, you know" he replies as his hands seek mine.
I watch our fingers as they caress and intertwine.
"What happens?" he asks me again.
I sigh trying to find the strength.
I am perfectly aware of the fact that with what I am about to say there will be the risk that I will blow up our feeble and wavering reunion.
But I have to do it, it is an insecurity that I have been carrying with me for too many years now.
And I'm tired.So tired.
"Now we are aware that there is the possibility of moving through the time" I begin.
I feel my heart explode in my chest.
His answer to this question of mine will be fundamental for our future.
“Have you ever thought about going back?From her I mean” I continue.
"Going back?"
“To Peggy.Do you ever think about her?Would you like to try to have that life that was taken from you?"
Steve watches me without saying a word.
His gaze slips away from mine and in that precise moment I feel my heart breaking.
I clear my throat.
"I understand" I whisper, letting go of his hands.
He immediately brings his gaze back to me.
“No, no Elisabeth.It's not what you think”
His tone is nervous.
He runs his hands through his hair and takes a deep breath.
"I'd be lying if I told you I didn't..."
I look away, turning to the window.
I can't stand and watch him while he confesses to me, indeed he confirms me, one of my greatest fears.
After all, I've always known this, I've always been ready for this moment.
So why does it hurt so fucking bad?
"But..." whispers his voice behind me making me jump with fright.
I was so focused on not drowning in my pain that I didn't even realize how close him was.
Steve remains behind me as his hands rest on my arms, caressing them with a disarming sweetness.
“I thought that if we failed to bring everyone back I would have no reason to stay…but then I stopped to think and an awareness hit me with all the devastating power of it.I realized that even if I didn't get the children back, I would never be able to leave you.Just the idea of losing you again takes my breath away" he whispers in my ear.
I feel a lump tighten my throat.
Every fiber of my being would like to believe him but inside me there is always that tiny part that fears that I will never be enough.
"I can't live without you, honey" Steve whispers as he kisses the top of my head.
Frightened, I turn around and find myself squeezed in his arms, his face sunk in the hollow of my neck.
"I can't live without you" he murmurs again.
I place my hands on his chest, pushing him just enough to get him away from me to be able to look him in the eye.
"Swear it"
I know I look like a spoiled stupid little girl but I need to know.
I need his confirmation.
"I swear"
His promise is so solemn that I can't help but believe him.
“I'm sorry” I murmur before a sob shakes my body.
"I'm sorry to be like this" I repeat sinking my face into his chest and letting myself go to a liberating cry.
Steve holds me tight against him.
“It's okay, you don't have to apologize.You never have to be ashamed of who you are” he whispers softly with his lips pressed against my hair.
With my tears I let go of all my worries, my fears, the last five years.
Steve continues to console and pamper me, his sweet words help me regain some of my self-control.
I wipe my eyes using the sleeve of my shirt making it dirty.
"Sorry" I giggle pointing to the stain on my sleeve.
Steve joins me with a laugh.
“I love you, Lily.This is the only certainty I have"
His immense baby blue eyes shine with pure joy.
I raise myself on my tiptoes, gluing my lips to his.
His arms tighten around my waist while I with mine around his neck hooking my hands to his hair.
The kiss immediately becomes deep.
Our tongues caress, chase each other, in a dance of the senses that leaves us both breathless.
Never leaving my body, Steve leads me to the big bed making me gently lie down on it.
From my position I observe his massive body, it is so powerful that it occupies my entire field of vision.
I smile at him and he leans towards me, first leaving me a light kiss on my lips and then going down my neck.
Immediately I dip my hands into his short hair and gently massage the nape of his neck.
Steve's lips meticulously scour every inch of my neck and then linger curiously and eagerly on the delicate skin between the breasts.
I feel his lips touch me with a delicate kiss while his hands, this time with unnerving slowness, unbutton the buttons of the shirt I am wearing one after the other.
Once he get to the last button, he lifts off my body just enough to help me take it off and within seconds I'm naked again in front of his fiery gaze.
But it's not like tonight in the shower, no...now there is calm in his gestures, attention.
Now he's not fucking me, he's loving me like he used to.
Taking all the time he needs while giving me all the pleasure he can in return.
He is loving me as he used to do all those years ago.
In the light of this awareness, my heart tightens in a grip of tenderness and the emotion immediately pours into my eyes.
"Are you crying?" he asks me while with one knee he makes space between my thighs.
I spread them out shamelessly, allowing him to settle down comfortably.
"I'm happy.I feel happy.And that scares me” I whisper.
Steve in response gives me a smile full of love.
"I am too, honey.I mean scared and happy.It's normal.But now I just want to focus on the present, on you” he murmurs and then lowers his head back to my chest gently taking a nipple between his lips.
I close my eyes, accepting with joy all the pleasure that comes with it.
My back arches as I feel his teeth clench the tender, receptive flesh of my nipple.
I surrender completely to his touch as he worships every corner of my body.
It is a mixture of teeth, tongue and lips.
I gasp with my mouth open, my throat parched with pleasure.
I open my eyes only for a moment, just in time to see Steve's head go down, where all my pleasure is concentrated right now.
He hasn't touched me yet but I already feel totally wet and ready for him.
But knowing him will not immediately give me what I crave.
"Steve" I whimper closing my eyes again and sinking my head into the soft pillow.
I lift my knees by placing the soles of my feet on the bed.
“Not yet, my babygirl.Be patient” he murmurs with his lips against my inner thigh.
His short, bristly beard scratches my delicate skin deliciously painfully, abrading it as he passes.
He is marking me.
I should find it disgusting, sexist, patriarchal…and instead I find myself wanting it to.
I demand that he do it.
I want to belong to him again.
His tongue teases the skin behind the knee, leaving a trail of saliva that runs down to the ankle.
A trail that burns as if it were molten lava.
I move my hips, looking for any friction that will give me a minimum of relief.
"Don't move"
His hoarse voice scolds me as he devotes himself to my left thigh just like he did a few minutes ago with the other.
A faint moan disperses in the air starting from my parted lips.
Steve's guttural laugh reverberates on my skin causing the pulse between my legs to increase.
I dig my hands into the blankets beneath me, squeezing them tightly.
His lips now rest on my belly, his tongue goes to tease the navel making me arch my back again.
"Steve, please"
"Please, what?"
Even though my eyes are closed, I can say with certainty that there is the shadow of a smile full of malice on his lips.
“Please, do what you want with me”
“Something is still missing, my babygirl.Come on...I know you can do it"
Now I smile too.
I raise myself leaning on my elbows and staring him straight in the eye, I tell him what I'm sure he's waiting for impatiently.
"Please do what you want with me, daddy"
His expression changes abruptly and unceremoniously grabs my thighs placing them on his shoulders sinking his face between them.
An excited scream escapes my control as I collapse with my back on the bed.
I plunge my hands in his hair pressing his face against my pussy, slowly rubbing my hips against his mouth that experienced and hungry feast on my flesh.
His tongue stimulates the clit.
He licks, sucks, squeezes it between his teeth.
His hands rise along my belly and I leave his hair to go to weave my fingers to his.
He fucking me using only his tongue.
And he does it like a god.
The orgasm mounts inexorably inside me, taking me at the top to reach the highest peak and then...darkness.
At the exact moment that my body surrenders to this sweet torture is as if my brain go haywire making me forget even as breathe.
I collapse on the bed exhausted and shaken.
I open my eyes and watching Steve that with his fingertips collects the moisture that pours between my thighs and than bring to his lips, licking it in an absolutely sinful way.
I feel weak legs, as if they were made of jelly and when Steve is makes room between them I surrender submissively accepting it and although I still feel shaken by orgasm I'm waiting for this moment for a long time.
With only one slow push Steve enters my body, his dick slips nimbly filling me completely.
I wrap his hips with my legs and start to move and meeting his thrusts.
His hands sink into the pillow where lies my head, his muscular arms are crossing from large veins.
I close my eyes enjoying the wonderful sensations that only this man can make me try.
Steve grunts increasing the pace of his thrusts.
With my hands I cling to his chest, sinking my nails in his flesh.
I open my eyes, enjoying the wonder in front of my eyes.
Steve has his eyes closed and lips slightly parted, his features are contorted with pleasure and a light sheen of sweat begins to get wet his forehead.
While I am lost in the perfection of this face from the devastating beauty, Steve opens his eyes blinding me with his blue.
"Your eyes..." he pants while he keeps pumping inside me.
I know what he is seeing and full of shame I turn my head to the side denying my eye.
"Elisabeth, look at me" he commands and I, unable to resist, obey.
We look without saying anything.
Steve rests his weight on one elbow while with his free hand he grabs my knee and lifting it, opening more my legs, and pressed it against the mattress.
He starts to fuck me eagerly.
"Your eyes are beautiful.I want you to look at me when you cum, will you?" he asks.
Although his words sound more like an order.
I nod.
"Use your voice"
"Yes, daddy"
"Good girl" he pants smiling.
This is my Steve, the Dom, who continues to fuck me draining me of all my energy.
And when the second orgasm arrives, I ride the wave letting myself go to my instincts.
The temptation to close my eyes and fully enjoy the bursts of pleasure that cross my body is great but I hold back and keep my gaze fixed on him.
My muscles contract rhythmically around his sex.
Steve swears and grabbing me by the throat, squeezing his big fingers around it, he sinks in me a couple more times and then cum too.
Flooding all over my womb with his warm cum, I feel it dripping out of my body sliding obscenely down my trembling thighs.
Steve collapses on my body just the time of one breath, then rolls away from me inviting me to lean my head on his chest.
In this position I can perceive the heart of him beat at an inconceivable speed for a normal human being.
We both remain silent, waiting for our breaths to return to normal and our beats return to their rhythms.
"Can I ask you a question?" Steve asks while he plays with my hair as I lie lazily with my head on his chest.
I have always found his heartbeat comforting, much faster than any other normal person.
"Of course you can"
His hand touches my neck, slowly descending along the back where he stops resting right over the curve of my ass.
"Your eyes...what happened to you?"
I close my eyes sighing.
I was sure that sooner or later he would ask me.
Who knows if he still looks at me with the same eyes when he knows the truth.
"I..." I stammer nervously.
Words seem to be stuck.
I lift myself sitting down, Steve imitates me by remaining silent and leaving me time to find the words.
“Five years ago too many things happened, too many negative things and all at the same time.Thanos, my dad, the kids, you...all this has changed me.Really changed, I mean”
I stop to take a breath.
I feel my heart literally explodes in the chest.
I lift my knees wrapping them with my arms.
The breath accelerates.
I feel panic coming.
"Lily, if you don't want to talk about that, that's okay.You don't own me any explanation" he whispers placing his big hand on my shoulder.
I turn my face in his direction and his beautiful eyes look at me full of sweetness.
Full of pain.
He feels bad for me.
I smile sweetly.
"You know, this is one of the reasons that made me fall in love with you" I reply.
"Your empathy.You've always been good at reading people, Steve Rogers"
Steve shakes his head, smiling.
"I'm good at reading you"
I smile.
We remain staring into our eyes for a few long seconds.
"All that pain has awakened something in me, Steve.Something dormant but that is with me from the day I was born.The magic of chaos.A powerful magic, dangerous"
I stop suddenly ashamed.
The magic of chaos is destruction, a dark magic that allows me to alter reality and control various forms of mystical energy.
Many of my magical abilities I have always attributed to the Time Stone instead they came from the magic of the chaos that was in me.
Such as astral travel when I was unconscious.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg.
In these five years I have found to have amazing abilities but frightening.
Such as the elemental manipulation.
The manipulation of reality, of the emotions.
A shiver shakes me.
"It is difficult to control...but I'm trying"
Steve was silent.
I observe his profile while his gaze seems light years away from me.
What he must be thinking?
"You are dangerous?" he asks a minute later.
I feel the magic flowing through my veins, pinching my bowels.
I feel it bubbling under my skin desirous of being freed.
Am I dangerous?
"Yes"
"But you don't want to be"
His is not a question.
"Of course not.I'm training, I'm doing everything in my power to live with this power without doing any harm to anyone"
Steve wraps his arm around my shoulders, his lips are placed gently on top of my head.
"I should be with you.I should help you" he whispers, blame him, with his lips pressed on my hair.
Another shiver shakes me but this time of terror.
I move away far enough to look into his eyes.
"Oh my God, no.Thank goodness you were there.I...I almost killed Loki in the beginning.This power is...I don't know how to explain myself" I puffed nervously.
I remember the time when this power has showed itself.
I remember how surprised us unprepared.
It was a simple workout and Loki was teaching me to manage my magical knowledge, but something went wrong...instead of a simple spell aimed at weakening him I began to absorb his energy.
Moment by moment I felt stronger, more powerful.
I saw, felt, Loki's life slipping away from him and feed me.
I could feel the life leave him to merge with mine.
I was witnessing the death of him and could not stop.
It was horrible.
Since that time, with the help of Wong and Layla, we were able to understand what was happening to me.
I sink my head into his chest as my hands cling tightly to it.
"It was hard.And it is also one of the reasons for which I was afraid at first" I admit without looking up towards the man who at this moment holds me in his arms.
"What do you mean?"
"By the time I realized that I'll could have again the kids I was afraid.And if it was too dangerous for them to stay with me?If I'll unintentionally hurt they?Maybe I'm not a good mother anymore" I admit for the first time out loud.
Steve stiffens, I understand it from the tension of his muscles.
He moves away from me looking at me like I had two heads.
"Are you crazy, Elisabeth?"
I shrug.
Steve shakes his head.
With a quick movement he grabs me by the wrists, forcing me to sit astride him.
To divide our naked bodies only a thin cotton sheet.
"Listen to me.I never want to hear you say bullshit like that, okay?You could never do harm to anyone.Especially our children.You've always been a great mother and you'll be even.You understood?"
Steve spits out the words through his teeth.
With anger.
I look down.
A moment later two fingers pressed under my chin making me look up.
Waiting for me I find a smile full of love.
"You're a wonderful mother.A wonderful woman.And I love you"
His hands, warm and gentle, enveloping my face.
A soft caress that warms my soul.
"Together we will overcome this adversity, Lily"
My eyes fill with tears.
He not only loves me, he loves even the monster that lives inside me.
I nod scared.
"We will face it all together" Steve blows on my lips before kissing me.
A slow, gentle, sweet kiss.
A kiss that has the value of a promise.
Timidly I wrap his neck with my arms, burying my face in his neck.
"Thanks" I whisper, my voice trembling.
His hands gently touching my back, with slight movements like feathers.
"Don't thank me.I chose you, I always chose you.I will always be by your side, Lily"
"Forever?"
"This time, only death can keep me away from you, miss Strange"
"Six Stones, five teams, one chance" exclaims Steve while we arranged in a circle on the large metal platform that will serve as a launching pad for our time travel.
We wear a white and red suites, the silver A stylized on our chest reminds us of who we are and why we are doing this.
We are the Avengers, and nothing and nobody can stop us.
I let my gaze wander between the men and the women that today will risk their lives to restore the world, the whole universe, to their former glory.
Nat and Bruce smiles, they will go on Vormir for the Soul Stone.
Natasha beautiful and determined as always winks at me before turning back to Bruce.
Then there are Rhodey and Nebula, who will retrieve the Power Stone on Morag.
Nebula has insisted so much in being part of this mission.
She is still convinced that she has something to be forgiven, she still feels guilty for what her father did to the universe.
My gaze slips on the two Asgardian gods.
Loki looks at me, his mischievous smile make me roll my eyes.
Obviously we got to talk a few minutes this morning, more than a chat was a real questioning at the end of which I shamelessly admitted what happened last night between me and Steve.
Confession which obviously came to the ears of everyone and especially impossible to deny after Steve in the middle of the kitchen kissed me in front of everyone.
I am more than sure that he has done it for Loki, his smile pleased was the proof.
Now the two brothers, so different but so similar, are talking to each other.
They will return back in time to Asgard and together they will try to bring back the Reality Stone.
Steve and Tony instead will recover the Mind Stone.
Tony knows where to find the Stone but he refused to tell us where.
As far as Steve has told me, he doesn't know anything about it either.
Tony set the space-time GPS of both of them without giving any explanation.
We have to trust him, we cannot do otherwise.
And finally Layla and I will recover the Space Stone and the Time Stone.
My gloved hands sweat profusely.
Mine is not fear for the mission, my fear comes from the people that I will meet to get the Stones.
My parents.
Layla grabs my hand clutching my fingers between hers.
"It'll be okay, Lil"
I nod, trying to smile even though I'm sure that what came out is a grimace of pain.
I sigh and bring back my attention on my beautiful captain.
His blond hair is perfectly combed, his face clean shaved.
When this is over we'll have to sit down for a long talk.
Though Steve Rogers is always damn beautiful and perfect I can't help but I prefer him more nomad, so I'll have to persuade him to regrow his hair and beard.
My gaze slips on his lips and then go down on his chest, his shoulders already muscular seem even more massive forced into this new suit.
My gaze falls on his hips, on his mormoree thighs.
"Hey, little Strange!Pay attention"
Tony brings me back to the Earth snapping his fingers in front of me.
I feel my face on fire.
Damnit Stark.
And stupid me for getting caught staring at Steve like a sex maniac.
Steve lasciviously looks at me as he traces my body with his lustful gaze letting me know that we're both on the same wavelength.
I give him a wink and blow a kiss towards him.
Natasha chuckles amused along with Layla.
"Okay, okay.We are all delighted that the golden couple have ironed out their differences but now we try to concentrate" says Tony trying to get our attention.
Steve smiles at me one last time and then brings his attention to each person present.
"Five years ago, we lost.All of us.We lost friends.We lost family.We lost a part of ourselves"
Steve's eyes stopped on me.  And again we are on the same wavelength.
In our faces, in our eyes, in our heads, in our hearts we are etched their names.
Sarah.
Sophia.
Natalia.
James.
Our children.
And then all the others, friends and family members.
Sam.
Bucky.
My beloved father.
"Today we have a chance to take it all back.You know your teams, you know your missions.Get the Stones.Get them back.One round-trip each.No mistakes...no do-overs.Most of us are going somewhere we know, that does not mean we should know what to expect.Be careful, look out for each other.This is the fight of our lives...and we're gonna win.Whatever it takes" concludes Steve.
"Whatever it takes" I repeat leaning forward with my closed fist.
"Whatever it takes" repeated Natasha approaching her fist with mine.
In a few moments our fists brush against each other in a promise.
The promise of making it and to come back with the Stones.
Clint, with instructions issued by Bruce, activates the control panel.
Him, with Lang and Rocket, will be here to control that everything is working.
The noise of the machines around me begins to hum in the air, pure adrenaline rush in my veins making me vibrate.
I am looking for Steve's gaze but I find him already staring at me.
"Back in one piece, Rogers"
"You can count on this"
"Be careful.I love you"
"I love you too, honey"
The time has come.
We'll going to change forever the future of the entire universe.
But above all we'll change our future.
Please comment, share and rate ❤️
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emptymanuscript · 11 months
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Alright more The Child Thieves.
I got: When a Witch kidnaps children, the Knights are hired to find them but when the Witch sends her servants to erase everyone's memories, they'll have to stop her child sacrifice without a job to back them up.
And the question is can I intertwine that with making the story feel like a small, episodic, character driven conflict that is easing the audience in a slow burn toward a greater eruption of feelings and the wider universe of Knights of Day?
So now we're screwing with Character and Theme and subtext (a little)
We're coming off of H&M. H&M has James and Zephyr able to get along and JJ at the point that she's going for more subtle division rather than "Run, Zephyr, Run!" Essentially, they're at the point: we can work together.
So what's the midpoint between that and where I need to get to? I think it's important to distinguish that I'm not actually working on "Romance" in Eshu. There's something slightly disingenuous about stating it's about them becoming lovers. It's about them getting to the point where hooking up is a real potential. It's, ok, I can maybe deal with the fact that I want to fuck you, not that you make me feel twitterpated.
Which means I don't think I'm stepping up from acquaintances to lovers, I'm stepping up from acquaintances to friends with benefits. Possibly even just 'with benefits.' Part of the fundamental problem of Knights of Day's emotional metaplot is that the characters don't like each other that much. They're ill suited to one another. That's kind of the point. James and Zephyr are soul mates and that's their curse, not their advantage. It's what they're working against.
So I think The Child Thieves would be them stepping up into companionship. Them preferring to work together rather than them preferring each other. Under the idea that a companion is the first person you call when you have a particular job to do - they're the one who you know you'll work well with. As opposed to a friend who is the person you call to be with and then talk about what to do later. With a companion, if they can't, you find someone else and do the same job. You simply have a preference for them. With a friend, if they can't, you don't actually plan anything because the point is to enable the two of you to be together. The activity is incidental. You might even change the activity to enable the two of you to be together.
Which means the emotional journey from beginning to end would be moving from "Not him, please, God, no" to "Please, I need him to make this work." Which in some ways is the standard buddy plot. They have to work together but they don't want to. They stop working together because fuck that guy! They realize they need each other and decide to work together toward how they make each other stronger.
In the, "On the verge of a Stasis = Death moment, a flawed protagonist Breaks into Two; but when the Midpoint happens, he/she must learn the Theme Stated, before All Is Lost," this motion is "he/she must learn the Theme Stated." James and Zephyr must learn that they are better together.
The problem is that they've already seen this. That's the end of H&M. They win by working together. So we're starting in the awkward place of them not having learned the lesson of their victory. This is the problem that The Force Awakens has. The story in some ways negates the finale that came before it instead of following it. And anyone who is attached to that ending is going to be pissed.
So how to save it from that? Take it from a different point of view. Lessons don't have to be binary in the pass/fail sense, the character(s) learn the lesson or they don't. They can be binary in the sense of correct/incorrect understanding. It's not that the character(s) didn't learn the lesson, it's that they learned the wrong lesson from what they did.
What James needs to have learned is that he absolutely does need Zephyr for certain tasks and realizes that Zephyr is good for them (learned the lesson). BUT James doesn't realize that he is better himself with Zephyr to help him (missed the point).
Zephyr, I think, would learn the opposite lesson. It's less that he needs James for certain tasks and more that Zephyr himself is better when James is around. Which will of course piss JJ off.
And the other part not filled in, "verge of a Stasis = Death moment" would in this case be the results of them learning the wrong lesson. What does it mean for them to have missed the point? That's harder. Again, things did change. Ignore that at your peril. It's changing the answer that pisses people off. However serialization is a thing that makes things feel episodic. If the characters reset to a normal - loneliness for example, even though it's an improvement over isolation, it will give that serial feel. It's not negating, I can carry over all that meaning, but I can have them return to stasis.
SO: When a Witch kidnaps children, James Rathbone and Zephyr Wayne are hired to find them but when the Witch sends her servants to erase everyone's memories, the only way to stop her child sacrifice without a job to back them up will be to finally learn that they're better with each other than alone.
The last thing is the achilles heel - the flaw in the heroes. What stacks the probabilities against them learning the lesson they need to learn. Well, it's the wrong lesson, isn't it? James thinks he doesn't need anyone except for the occasional piece of help. Zephyr thinks he is better already so he needs to learn that he needs to help James. So James is reclusive. While Zephyr is clingy.
When a Witch kidnaps children, the reclusive alchemist James Rathbone and the clingy medium Zephyr Wayne are hired to find them but when the Witch sends her servants to erase everyone's memories, the only way to stop her child sacrifice without a job to back them up will be to finally learn that they work best as a team.
Best is also much stronger and more definitive. It suggests the reset but also that we'll get farther in connection than we got last time. It will build.
And... yeah, I think that's a possibly workable idea. So probably more tomorrow.
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Party like it's [Sim Year Undetermined]
I counted at least 5 New Year mentions, but there was that gap from January to April, so there might be a few more. Feels weird that these guys have only had 5 New Years but whatever.
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There are numerous New Year's party posts on here, but I like throwing them, and my Sims like parties, so I'll keep doing it.
So here is the actual New Year's Eve party, and also when Trigger could (mournfully) introduce himself to his family. For some reason he aged up with the moodlet of mourning Moira, even though she died when he was very much a baby, which is annoying. I didn't know Moira made such an impact on him despite literally never seeing him.
Before the party began, the day was already chock full of small things, such as Buck beginning to teach Trigger to talk (dude just grew up but go off I guess), and comforting him on a loss that he did not know.
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I honestly like when the party first starts and I see the Sims begin to pour in.
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The mood was jovial, and everyone seemed to have a good time (except maybe Rich, as his arms were clipping through his torso when he was sitting down)
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To make up for his clipping issues, he tried flirting with Laurie, but she absolutely was not having it. Every time I have a party where Rich and Laurie are invited, Rich tries to flirt with Laurie, and every single time without fail, Laurie immediately shuts him down, and usually berates him for even having the notion that he could do so.
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When it came to the final countdown, it was a little glitchy, so I don't have any celebratory pictures, which is so unfortunate. I caught Ali hugging Trigger, and I am endlessly sad that I didn't get it in time to take a picture. It was so cute. Ali is already a fantastic aunt for Trigger.
Throughout the whole party, Trigger was not having a great time. Between him being tired, mourning Moira, and having stranger danger, he wanted nothing more than to just go to bed. Buck read him a bedtime story at like, 3 in the morning, an hour before Buck and Mary Lu went to bed themselves.
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Like, you see the light from the windows? Despite the party being finished around 1-2am, some Sims stayed to chat for hours, while Mary Lu and Buck cleaned up the house.
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Ali, sweetie, just because it's Sunday tomorrow doesn't mean you can stay up this late. (I suppose it's kinda but not really fine, as her mom and sister are also still there)
The next morning (or afternoon, really), Ashlee Landgraab called Mary Lu to tell her that someone in the household (probably Ashlee, I can't see Malcolm having anything to do with children) adopted a toddler, and so Mary Lu went over briefly to meet him.
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His name is something like Adolfo, and he has the fussy trait. Nice to meet you, little dude. You will grow up in the lap of luxury, but also with Malcolm Landgraab. Sorry. Maybe by the time Adolfo is fully grown, Malcolm will be dead. One can hope.
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She promised me
Annie x reader
hehehe felt a little evil with the beginning of the last half looming over us all so enjoy!
<3
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The night Reiner had returned to Liberio had been cold and rainy, his hulking frame simply a shadow among the Marleyan soldiers who accompanied him. Zeke and Pieck were there as well, their familiar faces coming into view as they walked away from the port, along with a girl with cropped hair who walked with her head down; the look in her eyes was nothing different than any other prisoner of Marley you'd ever seen before, but still she intrigued you.
Not enough, however, to realize that Annie wasn't with them as they stepped off their ship.
Beside you, you could feel her father's presence in the dark, the two of you watching the stormy water that lapped against the docks while the minuted ticked by. With every breath you felt your unease mount, terror growing and slithering like adders in your chest, winding their way into your lungs until you could barely breathe.
Reiner will tell me where she is, you thought, trying to keep calm. Still, it unnerved you to see him return.
He was alone.
When he'd gone, Marcel and Bertholdt had been with him along with Annie; running after him in as he walked tiredly through the dark, rain slicked streets, you could feel yourself panicking more and more as your shoes thundered against the stones.
"Reiner!"
Hearing his name startled him from his thoughts and sent horror streaking through him in sickly shades of yellow, making him freeze under a glowing orange streetlamp while you caught up to him. Turning, he realized no amount of preparation to face you would make him ready. Your eyes were still hopeful, the only things that had remained the same since he'd been gone. Since then you'd grown, left behind your childlike softness, and yet you retained that hope. He loathed to be the one to break it.
"Y/n," he acknowledged, "nice to see you again."
"Nice to see you home," you replied. "Where's everyone else?"
There it was, the question he'd been dreading to answer since he stepped off the island, since he'd agreed to leave Annie behind until they could take Eren, and then as he realized there was no way to win.
You could see it, even in the the darkness, how his eyes grew even farther away then they were. How he refused to meet your eyes, how he shifted uneasily like he wanted to run.
"Reiner," you demanded, "where are Marcel and Bertholdt? Where is Annie?!"
By now he was shaking his head, making your hysteria worsen while he tried to find a way to explain.
"I can't," he choked out, "I can't I can't I can't.-"
"Can't what," you cried, taking his hands between your own as the rain poured down around you. "Reiner please, I need to know what happened to her."
"I was weak, y/n, please, forgive me. Before I tell you anything I...I need you to say you won't hate me."
"Reiner," you whispered, horrified already though he hadn't said a word. "Tell me."
"She was taken," he finally gasped, "captured after a battle to take back the founder. She wanted to leave after Marcel was eaten but I- I made her keep going. She said she needed to get home because she promised her father she would make it home; she said she'd promised you, too. But I told her we needed to stay and she was captured because of me.
I'm so sorry, y/n."
By now your eyes were wide with distress, your hands clawing at your skin as you took in the news. You walked away without a word, leaving Reiner in shambles as he walked the rest of the way home.
You couldn't say you were faring so well.
Soaked to the bone you sat, cold and miserable in an alley with your head between your knees and your heart at your feet.
She wasn't coming home.
For the first time since you'd met as children, she had broken a promise to you.
And it hurt like hell knowing you wouldn't see her again.
Somehow you'd found your way into her heart so long ago, hiding there and becoming a friend to her where so many others tried and failed. You'd learned what it was like to have her care about you, and she in turn learned to trust you. When she left for the island, amidst the cheers and screams of the people, you stood quiet as you watched your best friend vanish over the horizon.
Back then, you'd found comfort knowing it wasn't forever; that she'd be back.
Now, you cried knowing the last words she'd given to you were a promise that would remain empty.
You'd thought you had more time, at least. It was bad enough that her days were numbered since inheriting the Female Titan, but you were still fooled by fate into thinking you could take your time. Now it seemed like you'd have to be content never knowing what became of the girl you loved as so much more than a friend; she matched your mind and you her heart, even as children spending hours passing boredom through your words. You didn't know how long you would mourn her; how does one measure time that way?
All you knew for sure was that out of any promise for her to break, this one was by far the worst.
So that night you said goodbye, letting the rain wash you clean as you began the rest of your misery waiting to see her again.
Beginning then, you made your own promise:
That you wouldn't give up hoping you'd get to hear her voice again, be reunited with her in this life or the next.
Because if it took you a thousand lifetimes, you swore then that her vow wouldn't go unfulfilled. That she would come home to you.
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julemmaes · 3 years
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The One Good Thing
Rowaelin Month, Day Two
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A/N: again, I'm gonna fail all my exams because of this stupid app, I'm sure. Also, I miss the off campus boys so much I kinda made Fenrys one of them and I love the idea of the tog men as hockey players so yeah, enjoy;)
Word count: 2,581
Aelin would have killed for a second of silence.
She daydreamed of that almost noisy quiet that makes you feel every deepest thought hidden in your brain that exists only at 3 a.m., when every soul is resting and cars can't drive around the campus. And there are no children screaming at the top of their lungs or parties going on all night long.
That was what she had been promised, the flyers she'd been handed during the open days, when she had come to visit the college.
That was how it was supposed to be.
Aelin had tried so many times to ask her upstairs flatmate to hold his Twitch live streams strictly in the afternoons or mornings when she wouldn't be home, but when Fenrys Moonbeam had first opened the door to his place, the girl had known immediately that she wouldn't be able to change his mind even by paying him.
Especially since his live streams were followed by such a large audience that Aelin couldn't even begin to understand how he had managed to build an empire so big in just under a month. Surely it had something to do with the long blond hair, different from her own but just as beautiful, and the arms covered in tattoos so colourful they blind you. They had their own charm. Add to the pile the fact that he was the goalie on the hockey team, and he was the perfect mix for the guy to marry.
From what their common friends had told her, he was already earning enough to afford an off-campus home, but that he liked the comfort the college dorm gave.
A comfort that Aelin, after three years in those filthy rooms and shared bathrooms, had yet to find.
When yet another howl of celebration at yet another victory that everyone expected pierced through his floor and her ceiling, nearly drilling her eardrums, Aelin gritted her teeth so hard that for a moment she feared they might shatter.
She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and trying to whisper, "Shut," failed miserably to keep her tone under control and shrieked the second word, "up!"
A booming laugh rang out upstairs and a millisecond later a message lit up her phone screen.
From Lys: Girl, maybe you should take a chill pill, I heard you on the live stream. Are you still studying?
She tossed the phone to the side, pulling her hair up and pinning it back with a pencil.
"Fuck off." she muttered under her breath.
Lysandra was one of the few in their group of friends who never missed a Fenrys broadcast. Whether it was at eleven at night or five in the morning, she was always one of the first to join in.
Aelin often wondered if she was just doing it because Fenrys was helping her sponsor her YouTube channel, but then she remembered that Lysandra would do the same for all her friends.
She got out of bed, taking all her books and notes in her arms, pen in her mouth and holding her phone between her pinky and ring fingers. She threw open the door to her room and found herself facing a wall of muscle, slamming into her roommate's chest.
Rowan's hands snapped forward and kept her from falling backwards and when Aelin looked up at his face, she almost lost her balance again.
His face was sleepy, only one eye open as he suppressed a yawn. The imprint of the pillowcase on his cheek just another sign that he had already been sleeping.
"Are you okay?" he asked her in a hoarse voice, stepping back and letting her through, "I heard you screaming. I was coming to check on you."
Aelin grimaced, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
He shook his head, moving a hand in mid-air, "Don't worry about it." then his gaze snapped to the ceiling as another laugh from Fenrys cut through the thin material dividing their quarters. He frowned, lowering his gaze back to her, and it was at that moment that he noticed the books in her arms.
If possible, his frown deepened even more.
He closed his eyes, gently grabbing her wrist and leaning against the wall behind him, pulling her towards him.
Aelin let herself be tugged, arranging the books so that they didn't poke at either her or him in that uncomfortable hug, but she positioned her head against his chest, letting his fingers expertly massage the nape of her neck.
"Baby." he sighed into her hair. Her toes curled.
It had only been a few weeks since they had decided to start dating, a few weeks since Rowan had confessed to having feelings for her. They had exchanged a few kisses in secret from their friends, wanting to enjoy that first phase of their very fresh relationship in privacy. They hadn't done anything too steamy yet, and Aelin had more than agreed with his decision to take it slow, but one thing Rowan hadn't held back in the slightest from the first second she'd agreed to go out with him had been the pet names he'd given her whenever they were in the safety of their dorms.
Baby was definitely her favourite.
His hands slid lower, down her back, and she looked up, resting her chin on his chest and fixing her eyes in his. His gaze softened, still clouded with sleep. "You shouldn't be studying at this hour."
Aelin grunted, smacking her forehead against his chest, "But I have a test tomorrow."
Rowan sighed again, pushing her away and taking the books from her arms. "Precisely why you should be sleeping." He walked towards the common room, speaking softly and hoping Lorcan wouldn't hear them. They both knew their roommate suspected something, but he didn't have enough worries in the world for him to actually give a shit about their possible relationship, and they also knew he would never say anything to anyone. Maybe to Elide, but neither of them would bet on it. "I left you alone tonight because you needed to rest, not stay up until morning melting your brain."
She followed him like a lost dog, dragging her feet on the ground, finally feeling that visceral fatigue get the better of her.
"I can't leave the study half done."
Rowan dropped the books on the table, turning around just in time to block her before she bumped into him again and slipped the pencil out of her mass of hair, letting it fall around her shoulders.
"You're not leaving the study half done," he told her as he rubbed her arms to keep her warm, "you've spent the last five weeks studying this stuff and I'm sure you know it like the abc. You need a break." he told her.
Aelin looked up at him from under her lashes, a little annoyed that that was true, but completely distracted by the lines his fingers were drawing on her arms. She took a deep breath through her nose, puffing out her chest and thrusting out her breasts, catching the attentive gaze of her almost-boyfriend for a nanosecond.
He smiled wearily at her, "Are you sleeping in my bed tonight?"
Aelin just nodded and took both of his hands, pulling him down onto her. Rowan squinted his eyes and placed his lips on hers in a quick, chaste kiss. She hummed in satisfaction as his hands slid under her bottom and wrapped around her thighs, pulling her up. She tied her legs around his hips and rested her head on his shoulder as Rowan made his way into their tiny flat.
He lowered her onto the bed, pulling the blankets out from under her body and laying down beside her before covering them both. Aelin moved as close to him as she could, pressing her back against his chest and her butt against his crotch, tangling their legs together.
Rowan's arm wrapped around her waist as the other slipped under her head and his hand found hers under the pillow.
The second they were settled, every bit of their bodies touching, Rowan left a soft kiss on her shoulder, pulling her even tighter against him.
She smiled weakly, in a drawling tone, "Thank you."
He hummed against her skin, "That's what I'm here for."
"Don't let me die around finals time?" she asked in a teasing tone.
Rowan chuckled softly, making her back shake, "Exactly."
Aelin tried to turn towards him, wanting to trace the pale freckles that were starting to sprout on his nose now that the days were getting longer and the sun kissed his cheek every afternoon, but his arms blocked her.
"No, it's not fair for you to be the big spoon every night. I'm fucking sick of it, I want to hold you today." he muttered, the chains of sleep already dragging him towards that blissful unconsciousness.
She huffed, stopping struggling against his grip, relaxing and feeling her muscles scream with pleasure after being tense for hours on end while she studied.
She hadn't realised she'd stayed up so long, but she was terrified of failing this last exam. If she failed it she would have to wait months before she could retake it and the idea of it was getting her down more than perhaps it should have.
She started thinking about the various questions the professors might ask her the next day, repeating the answers in her mind, closing her eyes as she thought.
"Baby," Rowan grumbled, "you're talking out loud."
She hadn't realised she was biting the cuticles around her nails until his hand came to rest on her arm, pulling her hand away from her mouth. He took a deep breath, helping her turn to face him.
When she looked up at him from under her lashes, she saw the way he was fighting sleep. And she felt terribly guilty. If she was having trouble sleeping the day before an exam, that didn't mean he had to stay awake for her too.
She was about to speak, tell him to close his eyes again and let her go into the living room so she could finish going over the last few pages and then return to his room, but he put his hand on her cheek and in a soft voice asked, "What's bothering you?"
She bit the inside of her cheek, shaking her head, "Nothing."
He tried to hold back a yawn again, but couldn't this time and Aelin's guilt grew immensely inside her. "If you tell me right now what's wrong, I could help you fix it sooner. And we could get at least three hours of sleep before we have to go to class." he pointed out in an exhausted tone.
She blinked once, twice, searching for the right words.
"It's Fen. If he'd stop playing so late every night-"
Rowan quickly cut her off, closing his eyes, almost as if he could no longer physically stay awake. "Ace, Fenrys never really bothered you. You've always managed to study and ignore it. What is it that's bothering you?"
Aelin let go of a shaky breath, "It's nothing, really. We'll talk about it tomorrow."
He only opened one eye, watching her carefully as she hid her face against his chest and wrapped her thin arms around his torso.
His hand began to slowly massage her back, "If we don't talk about this now I'll be up all night worrying."
She huffed, knowing full well how true those words were. For the love of the other, she began to ramble on about the real reason she hadn't been able to focus on the textbooks.
"I don't want to tell anyone we're together yet," she confessed under her breath.
Rowan opened both eyes then, fixing them on her and giving a small nod with his chin to keep her going.
"It's not that I don't want to tell the others," she said, referring to their closest friends, "but the second they find out, the news will become public knowledge and there are some people I really don't want to let that information get to."
He nodded, understanding perfectly who she was talking about.
"We don't have to tell anyone," he kissed her forehead, continuing to talk in that position, his lips brushing against her skin with every word he spoke, "it'll be our little secret for some time more, until we figure out how to get all the puck bunnies off our backs."
Aelin smiled, lifting her chin and kissing him.
Being the captain of the hockey team, Rowan didn't exactly go unnoticed on campus. Not many people approached him during the day, especially when Lorcan was at his side, knowing full well that they would receive nothing but a rude invitation to leave, but their friend couldn't spend his life attached to Rowan's hip, and the few times the two of them had gone out alone it had happened that a horde of fans had overwhelmed them. After those afternoons, Aelin had found herself the victim of not so nice threats from unknown numbers, as had happened to Lysandra when she had first started dating Aedion.
With Manon's help they had managed to track down the senders and Rowan had been unpleasantly surprised to discover that it was one of the girls he always partied with after the games. A girl he'd always considered a friend.
Rowan had taken all the blame, feeling responsible for those attacks on Aelin and it had taken months to convince him that he had no part in the insanity of others.
They'd started limiting the dates they went on as a pair, even when they were just friends, to prevent similar things from happening again, but Aelin felt trapped.
And she knew it was the same for Rowan.
She wished she could get a place off campus, where she could retreat with him, away from the prying eyes of the world, but it didn't seem right to bring up the topic of 'let's move in together' after not even three months of dating.
Rowan rested a hand on her cheek, moving a strand of hair behind her ear, "It'll be fine. And if anyone finds out and the threats come back, we'll do something about it."
She nodded, not entirely convinced and not at all reassured.
He knew instantly, "Aelin, whatever happens, I don't care what others think. I've waited years to finally have you. I've been on the sidelines all this time, watching you go on date after date with everyone and never with me-"
"You never asked," she mumbled in annoyance.
Rowan continued as if she hadn't spoken, "I would have preferred not to be the talk of the town all the time, but I'm not going to let public opinion take away the one good thing in my life."
She opened her mouth wide, "What about hockey?"
He shrugged, looking at her, "Hockey is just a sport."
"If Lorcan could hear you right now..." she shook her head.
"But Lorcan's not here. And you won't tell him," he made her silently promise.
They exchanged another brief kiss, before they carried on talking about all the worries she had and every word that came out of his lips acted as a sedative for her fears, killing one at a time, until she fell asleep in his arms, lulled by his soft breathing on her neck.
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thessaliah · 3 years
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Could you please summarize Pepe’s backstory when you get to it? ;_; (i think it was in section 8-9)
When I read your ask I was scared because I assumed Pepe would get flashbacks (flashbacks = instant deathflags), but is not flashbacks, but actually just told info-dump. I think we’re safe for now. So that was a huge relief! I finished this part recently, so I can talk about it while it's fresh. The scene if in Act 9, after you battle the Golems in Count Peperon's (Pepe's new alias) land. It's Fake Vinci who takes the initiative to ask Pepe about their past. Cut for spoilers:
According to Fake Vinci, Pepe is someone the Mage Association hired to do all their dirty jobs (so a mercenary like Kiritsugu). Marisbury found them and had Pepe join the Celestial Bodies Faculty before transferring them into Chaldea. The previous life outside that is blank. After pushing a bit, Pepe agrees to tell her about the past. It doesn't exist because there's no record. They “cleaned up” everything before leaving Japan. Clean-up means that they killed everyone in their family and left no traces behind at all, as Fake Vinci realizes and asks their reasons.
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So a bit of backstory (which Pepe clarifies is not a very interesting tale of a man called Myorenji Arou), Pepe's a descendant of the founder in a clan that practices a Tengudō 「天狗道」 branch of Shugendō 「修験道」. Their philosophy is to be as evil and fall as a tengu or something like that. The founder of the Myorenji Temple was a special one-generation magus who developed a unique circuit he couldn't pass on to his descendants. He had fallen into "Tengu Path" and contracted a mountain "Demon King" 「魔王尊」 but also trained his body to be superhuman without needing this power. Despite not inherited this, the clan continued and keeping up this practice of kidnapping the children of villages and the outside world to subject them to their training. Something they could do easily in the past. Pepe isn't very detailed about the training, but it sounded like was not different from child soldiers' gruesome routines. If those kids failed their training, they were throw away from the mountain (to their deaths being quite clear), and you got locked up even if you succeeded. Horrible people overall whose philosophy was to be evil.
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In the beginning, the family regarded Myorenji as a rare genius. Because (as Pepe clarifies later), Myorenji mastered three of the six Abhijñā when they were ten years old, and only by achieving one was considered a tengu (they are described in LB4 already, so check out that to know the names and effects). But Myorenji had no interest in evil or family duty, rather liked beauty and just wanted to be themselves, so they were "excommunicated" (Pepe does not detail what that implies in some child kidnapping and murdering cult). Anyway, because they were hopeless in general, Myorenji killed them all before leaving the mountain and Japan. Pepe adds that because they were blood-related to them that they had to eliminate them. If they were strangers, they could have ignored them, but because they weren't, they had to "take full responsibility." In this Pepe concludes that is why they could cooperate with Chaldea so many times. They are someone who prioritizes beauty/cleanliness (however you want to translate it) over feelings as a family member or Crypter. After hearing all this, Fake Vinci comments that Pepe is a stronger person than she had assumed they were. Pepe asks her not to share this with anyone.
I clarify that, unlike their family, Pepe is fond and has a personal attachment to the Crypters (as noted in LB4, he can't leave them). They remind Chaldea they are cooperating to defeat Beryl. However, they still will be their enemy and a Crypter because Daybit is still around, so their loyalty is naturally to him first. Of course, this  goes unsaid, but it also means that if Daybit does not quarrel with Chaldea, Pepe will fully become an ally if they survive this Lostbelt. Bonus in this aspect for Pepe fans, Fake Vinci, when she asks about their past, ignores Pepe's attempts to be the shrewd, potential foe that she shouldn't trust, and calls them blatantly 「仲間」 aka nakama, so of course she wants to learn about them!
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