#longingly look at handsome men through a screen

[wrestling-is-for-the-gays]

RAW November 24 2008 vs. RAW December 1 2008

#wwe #wwe raw #raw #cody rhodes #randy orton #wwe legacy #manu #they're doing what i do all day #longingly look at handsome men through a screen

[treedaddymcpuffpuff]

Beneath Miles of Stone - Part three - John Wick x Plus Size Fem Reader

Summary: John has been in prison for nine months. He’s content to stay if it means appeasing the high table and keeping peace between the owners of each continental. However, he meets someone who erases that willingness. Peace be dammed.

TW: bullying ; asshole security guards ; mentions of traumatic pasts ; heavy drinking ; suicidal ideation ; depictions of suicide

She vaguely wonders when she had become such a cry-baby. 

It’s her second favorite activity. The first favorite is drinking alone, although enough liquor and she is immediately crying anyway.

She takes another sip of the vodka in the glass, puts her head in her other hand, lets tears drip onto a scuffed kitchen table.

These tears are from the fear that eviction could soon be in her future. Her new job, although awful, pays well, and she’s been picking up as much overtime as she thinks is safe.

She would be taking more open shifts if there wasn’t a hulking security guard out for her blood.

Her mind, clouded by alcohol, remembers that yes, she does get paid well, but that paycheck isn’t for another week and rent is due today.

She tries to rationalize through the misery, but her brain can only sooth with thoughts of disaster, and eventually she always ends up giving in to things like this, so she does that, and lets herself sob for a long while.

Yearning for an actual mother she can call and ask for advice, she picks up her phone and stares at the screen longingly. Maybe a dad would be better for this situation, but she doesn’t have one of those either.

It’s times like these when the thought of slitting open her wrists in the bathtub sounds like a lovely escape. Her eyes catch the glint of scattered kitchen knives on her counter, but she doubts they would be sharp enough. She could walk to the corner store and buy a razor blade, but the fact that she is too lazy to do that right now tells her that she’s not yet fully committed to the idea of suicide.

Sure, it sounds great in theory. Kill yourself and make the pain disappear. Grow up with enough religious trauma, and the thought gets less appealing. The hell of life is nothing compared to the biblical one, at least not from what she’s learned about it, and although she has no belief now, the eternal damnation and fire-brimstone combo still sticks inside her brain and scares her.

When she had told her landlord she didn’t have enough for rent, they had hung up on her. That action alone was enough to interpret as a 30 day eviction notice.

So here she is, nothing to live or die for, head on the table, unpleasantly drunk, crying on her poor raw cheeks. Three cups of ramen left for dinner, a fourth case of pop in the fridge, salt and pepper and a bottle of ketchup and expired mustard, half a bottle of cheap vodka, and eight dollars. And too cowardly to even kill herself.

She remembers John telling her something about taking shitty care of herself, and he’s absolutely right. Out of line, but right. It’s funny how a guy that’s known her for a week can see her better than she can see herself. Her vodka brain suggests asking him for advice since he seems to care so much. She thinks about it for a minute, the irony of asking an inmate for life directions, decides it actually is a great idea. It surely has nothing to do with her wanting to talk to or spend more time with him.

He is very handsome, even sporting that long, unkempt facial hair and prison jumpsuit. And of course she would find a prisoner attractive because he showed her the tiniest bit of non-negative attention. Yes, he’s convicted, but they’re not all bad. Some are in for stupid shit. Maybe he just pissed off the wrong person.

But he is good-looking. Anyone with a functioning brain can see that. Unless they hate tall, dark, broad-shouldered men with muscles. Not obscene muscles either-

She catches her wandering thoughts, screams into the thick wood of the kitchen table, vows to stop thinking about how hot her patient and convicted felon is, because crying is better than jumping down that terrifying rabbit hole.

She reaches for the bottle of vodka, drunken brain convincing her that she doesn’t have to look because she knows where it is. However, her brain is very wrong, and instead of gripping the bottle, she ends up knocking it over.

Before she can rectify the situation, there is already liquid all over the table and floor. The bottle is empty. She tries to look on the bright side because she doesn’t want to cry anymore. At least it would disinfect everything. Less cleaning that she had to do in the morning. It doesn’t work and she’s crying again.

—————

She feels like an idiot creeping into the break room to search for cameras. Of course, there are none. She doesn’t keep her drinks or food in here anymore and she decides that this will be the final time she visits altogether.

Benny can’t get to her if she’s always in the open. The most he can do is scowl at her and make stupid comments, and these things she can live with.

She is at the desk doing her paperwork when she sees him again. Immediately, she wants to run, especially since he is walking her way. She stays put, though, determined not to let him see how scared she is of him.

He slides up to the counter and looks down at her, grinning. “Hey kid, nice shiner.”

She doesn’t look up.

He continues. “I forgot to get your number for the camping trip, mind giving me your phone for a minute?”

“I don’t have a phone.” The lie could have been a better one, but she’s still proud of herself for coming up with it under pressure.

Benny laughs, leans more toward her, his bulging shoulders hunched in and squeezing his cheeks. He reminds her of a school bully. “Bullshit.”

She sighs and puts her pen down. “I really don’t,” she says, “I broke it a week ago and I can’t afford another one.” She hopes the square outline of a smartphone in her pocket isn’t visible once she stands up.

His smile dissipates. “You better not be lying to me.”

That registers as a threat. She tries not to shrink, holds herself steady.

Diane, the other, older female nurse, comes through the swinging door of the nurses station.

Benny backs off the counter and leaves, scowling.

She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

She should have told him off, explained to him that she would rather jump into a ravine full of crocodiles than give him her phone number. She at least likes crocodiles.

She’d like to think she’s never felt this helpless, but she’s wrong. Growing up in  foster care, she had met plenty of men like Benny. It grew hair on her chest, so to speak, formed her into a protector for those who needed one. But all those traumatic experiences never made it easier for her to stand up for herself . If anything, they made it much harder.

She can’t focus on the paperwork, not when Benny is here and she hates herself for not telling him to fuck off. So, she decides to round on her patients - one in particular she’s very worried about.  Although he did cross a line, the line was already breached anyway, and she can’t convince him or herself that she’s mad at him for it. First of all, because that would be admitting to him that he can get under her skin even further than he’s already burrowed, and, second of all, because admitting she’s angry at him would be establishing that she has some sort or relationship with him outside of the professional one. In a provider patient scenario, it’s often the case that the patient feels weak and helpless, especially if the provider is weird towards them. If John finds out she feels drawn to him like she does, he will probably hate her and think she’s a creep. She doesn’t want to put him in a position where he has to tiptoe around her.

Trying to lie to herself, reasoning that this is her job and John is her patient and she needs to check on him periodically anyway, she stands up and pushes her chair in. A bunch of people have been discharged over the past few days, and her case load is light tonight - light enough to be boring. She only has three patients including John. The other two sleep soundly, both with only one wrist cuffed to the bed. One has an IV running fluid, the other a broken arm.

She knows that John won’t be sleeping.

She’s right, he’s not asleep, but he’s got other company tonight. Mike stands beside his bed with his phone held to John’s face. The blue light of the screen illuminates John’s attempted smile. It’s a polite, slight upward turn of his mouth for Mike’s benefit, but when he catches her eyes, it turns genuine. 

She smiles back.

Mike doesn’t notice her, flips through his phone pictures. John has seen at least twenty photos or more of his grandkid’s since the janitor began talking to him tonight.

“And that’s my daughter-in-laws little girl, Ashlee.”

She almost steps back out to leave them to it, but John catches her with his voice. He says her name and Mike turns around, smiling wide.

They both greet her, and she greets back. Mike shoves his phone into his pocket and looks at her apologetically. “I suppose she’s here to do her job, and here I am slacking off,” he jokes.

She chuckles. “How dare you take a break, Mike, you know we don’t get those.”

“Right, right,” Mike sighs, sarcastic, “must have forgotten. My age is finally getting to me.”

“You’re like 30,” she tells him, waving a dismissing hand in the air.

“Aw, I love this girl,” Mike giggles, looking at John. “Best nurse in the building, you’re lucky to have her.”

She rolls her eyes, flushing, still smiling. “If you keep lying, you’ll go to hell.”

“Well, I hope so. I already bought my ticket.” He nudges John with an elbow softly, winking down at him. “I’ll leave you kids to it and get back to work.”

Mike starts to walk out, mop bucket in tow, but stops, addressing John, the surprisingly awake guards, and herself.

“Why did the chicken cross the road?” He asks.

“Why?” She grins wide in preparation for the punchline.

“Nobody knows,” Mike sighs. He looks off into the distance, adopting a dramatic, grave expression. “But the road will have its revenge.” With that, he is gone.

She’s the only one that laughs, but one of the guards snorts. John’s smile perks.

She focuses her attention on the man cuffed to the bed.

“I don’t need anything,” he tells her before she asks. “But, I’m glad you came in.”

“That’s my job,” she shrugs.

“I really am sorry,” John says, looking like he means it with his droopy, apologetic eyes. It makes her heart seize to see him moping like a dejected dog.

“Don’t be sorry because you’re right,” she says, past the point of giving a shit what she talks to him about or what he knows about her. Maybe this is her way of living dangerously because of a shitty existence. Some people choose meth, she chooses alcohol and alluring prisoners. We all have our vices.

“Maybe not,” he says, “you’re alive, that’s saying something.”

She laughs without humor. “But I can’t pay my rent, and I can’t afford food.”

She waits for him to say something mean like ‘you clearly look like you can afford food ’, but instead, he thinks critically on her situation for a moment. “Do you have a partner, children?”

“No.”

Then who hit you. “Get a roommate.”

It’s so simple, and so easily slides from his mouth, and she can’t believe she didn’t think about it before. A roommate could help her afford rent, especially in New York where it is obscenely high. And she could ask for first months, which would give her half the payment she needs while waiting for her own supply of money. Perhaps a portion would delay eviction.

She stares at him. “That’s actually a great idea.”

He raises his eyebrows. “I have those.”

She laughs again, but there’s humor back in it. “You shouldn’t be in prison, John. You should be an advice counselor.”

“That’s what I keep telling them, but I don’t think they’re listening.” His dry humor makes her giggle harder, enough that the security guards glance over at them curiously.

“No, really, you’re a genius, thank you for that. And I forgive you.”

He just hopes she can pick someone who’s not a scumbag, but based on her judge of character so far, that’s highly unlikely. Maybe he shouldn’t have suggested it.

“Good. Now I can live with myself.” She thinks he’s joking but the only funny thing about it is he’s really not.

#john wick fanfic #john wick fanfiction #john wick x plus size reader #john wick x reader #john wick x you #keanu reeves fanfic #keanu reeves fanfiction

[love-archon]

A Poem For You

Fleeting romances in the court of the Raiden Shogun, whose reign stands eternally still...

Spring - 春

"In Naniwa Bay, now the flowers are blossoming. After lying dormant all winter, now the spring has come..."

-Wani of Baekje

• The old tales warn of kitsune: yokai that take on forms of handsome men and beautiful women to play tricks on the unsuspecting humans. When they are careless, however, their disguises slip, and one can see a tail or two poking out from under their robes.

• Or, in the case of your soldiers' archery instructor, Gorou, a pair of large, fluffy ears emerging from his hair.

• There are whispers of a general in the rebel army far in the mountains, who has the features of a fox spirit and the slyness to match. Thankfully, the army lacks valuable intel to proceed, and cannot move forward without the use of spies.

• You blink and, in a shimmer like dust on sun-baked earth, the ears are gone. The gentle afternoon breeze rustles the leaves, and he nocks his arrow and lets it fly.

• Perhaps you were simply imagining things?

• Gorou, who guides his trainees with a strong, reliable hand, steady as stone,

• Gorou, who splits arrows in half as they fly, vowing to protect you always,

• Gorou, who smiles fondly at you as you walk through the gardens of your estate, holding your parasol to veil you from the sun, would never betray you or the great shogun. Would he?

• One warm spring night, where the dew still drips from the sakura flowers, he sits with you on the rooftops. His round lazuli eyes meet yours, and he tells you, truthfully, that he'll be leaving soon. Won't you join him?

• Your heart stirs to agree, but you respond that you cannot abandon your duties to your family, or to the shogun. He looks disappointed, but gets up from his seat, telling you that he accepts your decision. “If you ever change your mind,” he begins, but stops when the look in your eyes makes it clear you can’t.

• But you didn't know that "soon" meant now.

• Papers stolen from your family's most secret rooms are rolled up in his hands. His plain clothes melt away to reveal the uniform of the rebel army. The foxlike ears you thought were a dream now rest on his head, clear as day. 

• Most striking of all, however, are the nine tails shimmering behind him- the mark of a fox spirit that’s accumulated centuries of magic.

• Your eyes can’t quite catch the way he leaves, and you’re not sure exactly when you became alone in the night with the flowers.

• Or if you’d imagined the saddened way he said goodbye.

Summer - 夏

"The spring has passed, and the summer comes again;

For the white robes are spread to dry on the Mount of Kaguyama."

-Empress Jitoh

• You do not know who keeps sending these letters, despite your best efforts. Only that they must be a refined noble of high status and excellent taste.

• Each cut of paper, beautifully bound, is dyed the right color to match the season. They are appropriately adorned with fresh sprigs of plants from the sender's garden, or tied with a luxurious ribbon of patterned silk. Lavish scents drift off the pages in a perfume that's sweet and light.

• Oh, and the words.

• The appearance of these gifts pale in comparison to the contents. The mysterious admirer has learned the alphabet borrowed from Liyue, and the complex brush strokes are applied with just the right deftness that each kanji character shines.

• Your beauty is eternal, they proclaim, like unmelting snow on summer mountains, and strikes the heart like a bolt of lightning. In your luminous eyes, the ideal of your god has been met- a thousand times over...

• As dizzyingly romantic as it is, one thing gives you pause, as you lift your own brush to write your reply.

• "Your god," it says. Not mine.

• Who would know the secret etiquette of the court so intimately, to the point that other suitors' letters paled in comparison... and not worship the immaculate Raiden Shogun, much less take an interest in you?

• Then you are sent in your clan head's place to deal with the troublesome Fatui that have slipped past your nation's defenses, and you find your answer then. Their leader wears the traditional attire of a traveling nobleman, and wields his weapon with aristocratic grace.

• His underlings fall rather quickly under your hand, but he himself is annoyingly persistent. He darts out of the way of your attacks, but it takes all your power to stop his from striking true.

• You do not get his name, only his face- fair and clean and luminous, with delicate features twisted in cruel amusement. 

• It’s a shame that you must marr it with your blade, but what can be done?

• Then, he glides past you, close enough to whisper in your ear, and completes the poem no one has seen but you. 

Autumn - 秋

"Even in the age of almighty gods unheard of;

The waters of Tatsuta are dyed in crimson red."

-Lord Ariwara-no-Narihira

• It is time for the great procession- an event of fanfare and decadence, where you and your family must travel from your ancestral home to the domain of the immortal shogun to display your wealth.

• Despite the excitement surrounding the occasion, you know quite well it is nothing more than a way to maintain control over the lords of Inazuma.

• But no expense must be spared if it means preserving your reputation. If it means that no other family dares question your wealth. Not in travel, not in housing arrangements, not in entertainment, not in the hired guards to protect you on your long and arduous journey.

• And so, after you pay the Kaedehara clan the exorbitant sum they demand, they give you twenty able-bodied samurai under their command... including Kazuha, their youngest son.

• The servant girls- and some of the boys- traveling with you blush when he passes, observing his lithe form and gentle eyes and striking, pale blond hair. One streak of red is visible there, calling to mind a sole maple leaf in autumn.

• Kazuha does not join in the other samurai's revelry. While they cheerfully indulge in the food and drink provided to them on the journey, and boast of their prowess when the time comes to fight bandits hiding on the path, he remains silent and alone, his eyes only on his collection of handwritten poems.

• (And, when you aren’t looking, they shyly flit to you before looking away.)

• In the end, however, Kazuha is the only one who actually bests a bandit in combat.

• Late at night, when the others are sleeping off the wine, large shadows flit past the trees. The bandit clans in the area thrive during this time, like hunters when beasts migrate in droves. They're confident that this traveling party will be easy prey.

• But one thief approaches too rashly, too quickly, and one crimson eye opens to meet him.

• Kazuha drifts from one opponent to another like a leaf falling from its branch, carried by strong winds. And yet, none of them can touch him. One after another, each man collapses with a sharp cry, only their silhouettes visible in the darkness. 

• In the morning, the traveling party awakens to see fifty-some criminals tied up and piled up in a heap, and bursts into laughter. As the other samurai are still hung over, it’s clear who was responsible for this.

• Yes, Kaedehara-kun is a wonderful samurai. Skillful, composed, brave. And an excellent companion to have by one’s side, if one is lucky enough to have met him.

• It was quite the shock to learn that he would later flee the islands, sailing onward to the Land of Contracts aboard the ship of a pirate lord.

• But if anyone had the strength of mind to defy the gods- wouldn’t it be him?

Winter - 冬

"In winter, the early mornings. It is beautiful indeed when snow has fallen during the night, but splendid too when the ground is white with frost..."

-Sei Shonagon

• Lady Ayaka is one of your closest friends, with your families being in a partnership for centuries. You have fond memories of playing together in the snow, with cranes flying overhead in the white sky.

• You know her secrets, and she knows yours. Nothing is kept between you- this is how you survive in a court of treachery and lies.

• So when she passes by in a sunlit hallway, you hear a whisper that shocks you to the core. Smooth silver hair floats past your sight, quiet as snow, and just as fleeting. But you must collect yourself quickly, for spies may lurk behind any silken screen.

• You will be betrothed to Kamisato Ayato, your dear friend's older brother, in ten day's time.

• As close as you are to Ayaka, Ayato has always been a shadow flitting in the corner of your sight, being too busy with his duties to see you. So his visage- to you- is as featureless as a field of snow.

• After all the romance novels you've read, it's difficult to accept marrying a man you've never spoken with, but... what can be done? You can only hope that Lord Ayato is kind and treats you well.

• But... what if he isn’t?

• Lady Ayaka would never speak ill of her brother. In fact, no noblewoman would even consider such a notion, even if it were true. Good appearances, on every level, are more important to nobles than gold. 

• But all the same, you’ve seen the ladies of the court who are trapped in loveless homes like birds in cages. How their smiles are painted on, how their laughs ring hollow and empty, how they glance longingly to the world outside, beyond the lavish court that hides them here.

• Your gaze drifts towards the harbor, where the water shimmers with light. You could run away, too. To the eastern mountains, where your former archery teacher hides with his fellow rebels- although to do that would invoke the shogun's wrath. Or, riskier still, follow Kazuha's path to the harbor, and chase him on to Liyue...

• “Young Lord Kamisato is waiting for you,” a servant says, breaking you from your thoughts, and bowing hastily before you can meet her eyes. The servant across from her does the same as the paper doors slide open, and they do not rise as you walk through.

• This room is airy and spacious, of course. Wind from opened windows seems to sigh as it passes over you and beyond, and you can smell flowers from the garden carried in from the breeze. How strange... even a garden that you played in countless times seems completely new and unfamiliar.

• Gracefully, soundlessly, Ayato emerges from behind his ornate screen. Power and elegance flows from his every movement. And at last, you dare to look at what you have never seen before.

• You look at his face, finally revealed before you, like translucent ice giving way to the land beneath the white...

• And gasp.

_______

Author's Notes

Wani of Baekje: Each opening quote is a poem by a famous Japanese author, but Wani was a scholar visiting from Ancient Korea!

Great procession: Known in Japan as sankin kotai. Powerful lords were forced to spend massive amounts of money to travel from their homes to the shogun's castle and back; in this way, the shogun was able to keep them on an efficiently tight leash.

#genshin impact x reader #kazuha kaedehara x reader #scaramouche x reader #gorou x reader #inazuma

[everlastingdreams]

Lucifer Morningstar x Reader : Invidia   Chapter 1

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Notes: Please know that I haven’t watched season 3 or 4 yet. It’s 4am here so sorry if there’s a mistake. Let me know what you think :) 

Summary:  Maze sends you on a date with another guy to help you forget about your feelings for Lucifer. Lucifer soon starts to act stranger than usual.

Chapter: 1/4

Trigger Warning: None I think.

Word Count:  1973 words

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

After he had called you, requesting help with a case he and Detective Decker were trying to solve, you had droven all the way to Lux in the crappy weather. He had given you approximately five minutes of his attention before his eyes had wandered off to some women on the dancefloor. He had excused himself, said he would be back in a minute. But you knew Lucifer by now, you knew that 'minute' would be way longer then 60 seconds. You sighed as you rested your elbows on the bar, tearing your eyes away from Lucifer surrounded by a mob of beautiful women all trying to get his attention. You couldn't blame them, Lucifer was incredibly attractive and that worked like a magnet on both men and women. It definitely worked on you. Sadly you had no such luck getting his attention unless it involved police work. Sure he had flirted with you when you two met but you knew him. You knew it was how he was around everyone he found interesting. You had brushed him off, mostly because you had only just met him and you wanted to be professional. Later you brushed his flirting away, accepted that it was just how he communicated. You two had started to spend more time together, he often helped you out with your own cases. Brought you to Lux, where you had met Maze. Showed up at your doorstep either early in the morning, when you were still wearing your PJ's and bed head. Or late in the evening, when you were tired as hell after a long day. Needless to say, none of those moments were flattering. Somewhere in those moments you caught yourself falling for him. The sight of him was enough to make a smile grow on your face. Sure he was handsome, but it was the moment he started to open up about his past, his family issues.. that really drew you in. He never lied to you even if the truth was rough. You knew he really was the actual devil, he had looked at you with fear in his eyes as if you were going to run away from the piano you were sitting at with him. You just listened to him as he told his story. That was the day you truly fell for him. He still flirted with you, it was harder to try not to blush when he did. You just laughed awkwardly and ignored it. But on the inside it was killing you, your feelings for him had continued to grow and now his casual flirting was becoming painful for you. You didn't want 'casual', you wished he would feel the same way about you as you felt about him. But you knew that Lucifer was....Lucifer. You didn't have the guts to tell him how you felt, you feared it would change everything and the last thing you wanted to lose was your friendship. So you sucked it up and locked your feelings away. And to be able to do that you had tried to avoid seeing him outside of work lately. And even when you worked on a case you tried to keep the focus on the case. Turning down his usual invitations to grab a drink at Lux. You just couldn't deal with being around him while you worked through your issue. You were here tonight because he needed some information about a case and that was what you talked about. You glanced in his direction again, some of the women were dancing seductively around him. You snapped your eyes away from them. A glass was pushed in front of you and you looked up at Maze who was looking at you with a knowing look. You shook your head as you pushed the glass in her direction again “I didn't order anything-” “Yeah, I know. You look like you need it.” she tilted her head in your direction as she pushed the glass to you again “On the house.” You let out a sigh before you took the glass in your hand “Thanks Maze. At least someone noticed me.” She poured out a glass for herself as well and raised it up a little as she leaned on the bar close to you “Cheers.” “Cheers.” you replied and took a big swig from the drink. She raised her brows and let out a chuckle “Wauw. Crappy day, huh ?” You scoffed quietly “More like crappy evening.” Her eyes wandered to the dancefloor before she looked back to you “ I hope your talking about Lucifer and those chicks and not me.” You let out a chuckle, placing the glass back down “You know you are the light in my life Maze.” you said sarcastically. She rolled her eyes trying to hide the smile growing on her face “I probably should have given you something with less alcohol.” “Like you would do that.” you smirked at her. She gave a nod “Look, maybe you should just tell him. I mean, he's been going soft for a while now.” she pulled a disgusted face and you swallowed your laugh because she was serious “ Maybe even the devil himself is able to get.... feelings.” You tried not to laugh at the way she seemed uncomfortable at Lucifer being more human “This is hard for you isn't it ?” She groaned “I am only telling you this because I like you. Well I like you better then one of them..” she tilted her head in the direction of the dancefloor again. “And at least I wouldn't have to deal with the women anymore after they are finished with-” “Okay. Okay. Too much information.” you stopped her from finishing the sentence. “But I can't tell him Maze. He'll start acting weird if he would know. You know how he is.” She let out a deep breath “I am not going to be stuck watching you looking at him longingly then.” she tapped her fingers on the bar for a moment before she pulled out her phone “If you're not going to tell him and just ignore him, then maybe I have an idea.” she smirked as her eyes were glued on her phone. You furrowed your brows “Uuuh.. Maze ?” “Mhm.” she hummed as she kept her eyes on the screen. “What kind of idea are you talking about ?” you watched as a grin now appeared on her face. She held up the phone in your direction now and motioned for you to look at the screen. There was a picture of a guy, clearly taken at Lux. Your eyes went from the screen to Maze a few times before it clicked, your eyes widened “No. No way. Maze I-” “Too late. He's picking you up tomorrow night.” she explained, clearly enjoying your reaction. “You gave him my address ?! Maze I'm not going on a date with a guy I never even met before !” you were terrified at the thought. She just rolled her eyes “Relax. It's just a date at a restaurant. All in public, if you don't like him just call me or text me and I'll come to your rescue.” You groaned in annoyance “Damnit. Alright fine ! But he'd better not be a serial killer.” She scoffed “Yeah. You mean like the ones you hunt down pretty much every day ?” You opened your mouth but couldn't find a witty reply. She was right, you had worked on enough murder cases. “He's sweet. That's why I'm setting you up with him. Too nice for me.” She took a sip of her drink. “That's a relief at least.” you sighed in defeat as you drank some more “What's his name ?” “Mike. He's a lawyer.” the corner of her mouth twitched. You nodded and looked at the dancefloor one more time, seeing how Lucifer had an arm around the waist of one of the women. “I guess I'll be seeing my lawyer then.” you smirked at Maze earning a wide grin from her. What harm could it do ?

OoO oOOOOO OO oOooOOOoOOOo o o Oo o o o oOO Oo  o OO oO oo oooOoO oooooooo

Picking clothes out for a date wasn't one of your best qualities. You hadn't met the guy yet but you kept an open mind and maybe it could be something. A real something, not a secret crush on your friend. You held two outfits in your hands, both hanging on their clothes hangers as you held them in front of you while checking yourself out in the mirror. You threw your head back and groaned. You didn't know what to wear, it had been a long time since you had actually been on a date. The long days at work were to blame for that. You put the clothes down on your bed as you digged in your wardrobe again. The doorbell rang and you bumped your head against one of the shelves when the sound suprised you. This evening had started of well. You rubbed your head while you walked to your front door. You had expected it to be Maze, it would not have suprised you. You opened the door and your eyes were met with but all too familiar brown ones. Not who you were expecting. “Lucifer ? Hey. I wasn't expecting you today.” not when you were getting ready for a date with another guy to forget him. "Hello, (y/n). I was wondering if you had vanished from the face of the earth." it was a lighthearted comment. You avoided his gaze. It hadn't been easy avoiding Lucifer, but you had to do it. Seeing him flirt with beautiful women sure as hell made a dent on your self esteem. "Lucifer.. sorry.. I've just been really busy." You didn't want to hurt his feelings. It wasn't his fault that you had feelings for him that he could not return. "Oh, I see." He looked at you like a kicked puppy before his eyes fell to your hands "What's that ?" You looked at your hand, realising you still had the dress in your hand that you were going to try on. "It's a dress. I uhm... I'm planning my outfit for tonight." the words fell from your lips, too fast to stop them. A smile grew on his face again as his eyes sparkled with mischief "Oh ! We're going to a party then ?" This was going to be awkward to explain to him. "No, not a party. I-" you started but Lucifer interupted "OH ! A ball then ? It's been a while since I've done one of those." he got more enthusiastic. You bit your lip “No, Lucifer... I have a date tonight.” “A date ?” he looked at you as if you just told him you could turn water into wine. You were a bit insulted at his reaction “Yes.. Date. I am going on a date. Tonight.” He stared at you for a second before he snapped out of it “Oh.. I see.” “So, I am sorry, Lucifer, but I need to get ready for tonight.” as much as it hurted you, you wanted him to leave. You wanted to focus on the date and it would be hard if Lucifer was in your thoughts. His usual smirk found it's way back again and he brushed past you as he walked inside your house. You closed your eyes and sighed before turning around to face him. “Who is it ? Do I know him ?” Lucifer asked as he poured out some fresh orange juice you had made in a glass. “Make yourself at home.” you said sarcastically at his lack of manners. “I will, thank you.” he didn't get the hint.

#Lucifer Morningstar #lucifer x reader #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer fic #Lucifer Fox #maze #mazikeen #reader x lucifer #reader x lucifer morningstar #reader!lucifer #reader!lucifermorningstar

[today-we-will-survive]

Disney Jin

BTS au one-shot

Jin x Reader Y/N

Fluff

Word Count: 2,919

A/N: This one and Indiana Jimin belong in the same au and are meant to be read in the order they’re posted.

gif made by me

“I'm sorry, I have to cut the line off here,” you say and watch as the many excited expressions of the guests in line staring up at the ferris wheel are replaced with looks of disappointment. “We're closing early tonight for a special event so if you all could make your way toward the exit, we'll be open again at eight o' clock tomorrow morning.” You can't help but feel a bit bad as you watch the line slowly shrink away, parents pulling their saddened children along and irritated teens muttering under their breath.

It's not my fault BTS chose this evening to experience Disneyland and California Adventure for the first time, you think to yourself. 

Who could blame them for wanting the whole place to themselves? You don't even want to imagine the awful things that would happen to the boys if Big Hit allowed the public to be there with them. You shudder at the thought.

It sucks that everyone has to leave but it's definitely better this way. Being a Disneyland/California Adventure cast member has its perks, especially being an ARMY.

You've only been a fan of the K-pop group since hearing last month that they were coming. Heck, before Youtubing their music video for Blood, Sweat & Tears for the first time, you'd never even heard K-pop before. But ever since that fateful night as you sat in your car in the employee parking lot, face lit up by the glow of your phone screen, watching these men that most certainly have to be ethereal beings in disguise, you haven't been able to listen to anything else but their mesmerizing voices and their addictive songs.

Soon after that, you discovered the amazing community of ARMYs on Tumblr and Twitter and have never looked back. You see all of these posts about people fawning over their biases and bias wreckers and whenever you stop and try to choose just one of the boys to love the most, you can't bring yourself to do it. Each of them are special. Each are so talented and adorable and amazing and to pick just one would be the death of you. No. You are an OT7 stan through and through.

“Alright, everyone—” the general supervisor's voice crackles into the earpiece in your ear, “—security will be doing a sweep for the next two hours before our special guests arrive. You're all free to take your lunches and breaks and then please return to your stations half an hour before their arrival so we can do a few run-throughs of each of your rides.”

***

“Alright, cast members, our special guests have entered the park. I'm sure I don't have to tell you all to give them your very best to make this the most memorable experience possible for them.”

Your heart hammers in your chest. BTS are here. In the park. Breathing the same air as you...kind of. But then your shoulders sag and you look longingly at the entrance to Pixar Pier.

With all of the rides in the Disneyland park and other areas of California Adventure, they probably won’t even make it over to your area. Who would want to ride a Mickey Mouse ferris wheel when you have the Incredicoaster and Radiator Springs Racers and Grizzly River Run? Not to mention Space Mountain, Pirates of the Caribbean and all of the other classic rides in the other park.

You let out a heavy sigh as you look up at the ferris wheel, Mickey Mouse's giant face bright and shining like a moon hanging over Pixar Pier. This is going to be a long night.

“Hey, Y/N!” You rip your eyes from the ferris wheel and turn around. One of your fellow cast members, Jada, waves at you from her post in one of the many little shops along the walkway. “Isn't BTS, like, your new obsession?”

Your mouth curls into a shy grin and you shift on your feet. “Yeah,” you say with a chuckle. “You could say that.”

“Why aren't you more excited then?”

“I'm trying not to keep my hopes up. We're pretty much anyone's last stop when they come to the park. I doubt they'll make it this far before my shift is over.”

Jada shrugs. “You never know,” she says then gets back to straightening the display of Inside Out plushies next to her.

***

A few strands of hair have slipped out of your ponytail and are tickling your nose. With an irritated huff, you manage to blow them off your face, then watch as they slowly float back down to reside on your nose again.

It's been over two hours and there still hasn't been any sign of the boys. How long could it possibly take for the seven of them to ride all the rides? It's not like there are any lines or anything.

“Y/N!”

You look up to find Jada standing in front of her store, well, maybe standing is the wrong word. More like, jumping up and down jabbing her arm in the direction of the entrance to the pier like a crazy person. You recognize the excited look on her face and immediately you race up to the walkway, scrambling over and under the rails, cutting the quickest path to the entrance of your ride. By the time you make it up there, you catch just a glimpse of a white t-shirt and a tanned arm before it disappears from view into the entrance of another ride. You run across to Jada, your hands clasping hers tightly as the two of you jump up and down squealing.

“Which one was it?” you ask excitedly, craning your neck in the direction the member disappeared, even though you know you won't be able to see him.

“There were four of them,” she says. “They were kind of far away so I couldn't really tell who was who but I think it was the rappers and the oldest one.”

Your shoulders bunch up by your ears and you squeeze your eyes shut. You can't believe it. This is really happening. BTS are here in Pixar Pier, just on the other side of the lake from you. You let out a sigh and open your eyes again to look at Jada. “Well,” you say, “I only have about forty minutes left of my shift anyway and they probably won't get to this side of the pier by then.”

“You're such a negative Nancy,” Jada scoffs giving your hands another squeeze. “If they come this way, I'll direct them to your ride.”

You smile and throw one more glance across the water before letting go of her hands and making your way back across the path to the entrance of your ride. To pass the time, you weave slowly through the elaborate line leading to the loading area, humming the entirety of BTS’s Love Yourself Answer album in order. You've made it about halfway through Trivia: Seesaw before you hear voices traveling on the warm breeze.

Loud voices.

Non-english speaking voices.

Shoot.

Again, you find yourself scrambling back toward the entrance, stumbling over the last rail just in time to make eye-contact with Mr. Worldwide Handsome himself, Kim Seokjin. The straw from the soda he's holding sits wedged between his lips and when he gives you a warm smile, you see the tip of it trapped between his teeth.

“Hello,” he says with a small wave.

You open your mouth to respond but only manage to let out a pathetic squeal. The three members of the rapline have their backs to you as they make their way slowly into Jada's shop. Your eyes flick to her for just a second and she looks back at you from her post, eyes wide and smile wider.

“Can I ride?” Jin asks pointing up at the big ferris wheel.

At last you find your voice. “Of course!” you crack and immediately you feel your face getting hot.

Jin gives you another grin and a nod before walking past you into the maze of barriers. You clear your throat and take a deep, shaky breath as you try to calm down enough to not act like a crazy person in front of this beautiful man. The last thing he needs is to be harassed by another fan.

He's just a person, Y/N, you tell yourself. A beautiful, perfect person...

“Would you like a stationary carriage or a swinging one?” You ask once the two of you have made it to the loading area. You gesture with your arm to the two choices. One carriage is attached to a track so it swings as it goes around while the other one is attached to the ferris wheel itself.

Jin bites the straw on his cup thoughtfully as he looks between the two cars. Then his eyes trail down to the image on the front of the swinging one. “Wah!” he exclaims. “Lightning McQueen!”

You giggle as he jumps into the carriage with the Cars character on it. Then he looks back at you and your stomach drops.

“What's your name?” he asks, his brown eyes fixed on yours.

“Uh.” You gulp loudly. “Y/N,” you say.

Jin nods and holds out his hand. You take it, your clammy palm sliding against his own soft one. “Nice to meet you, Y/N,” he says giving your hand a small shake. “I'm Jin.”

I know, you want to say. “Nice to meet you,” you say instead. “Uh...please keep your hands, arms, feet and legs in the carriage at all times.” Then you carefully close the carriage door and latch it securely.

Jin gives you a thumbs up before taking another sip of his soda. You push the button on your control panel and the ride lurches into motion. Jin grabs the edge of his seat and looks at you with wide eyes before letting out a laugh. You watch as his car starts making its way up and around.

You still can't believe it. You honestly didn't think when you woke up this morning that you'd actually get to meet one of the members of BTS. You knew they were coming. You've known for a month. But the parks are pretty big, especially in comparison to seven people. Seven perfect people, but people nonetheless.

You keep your eyes glued to his carriage, his yell cutting through the mechanical sounds of the ride as he starts to swing on the track.

“Hey Y/N!” Jin callls when his carriage rushes by.

You're eyes lock on his as he waves at you, the ferris wheel continuing its cycle. He passes you again.

“What noise does toaster make?”

Shell-shocked you just stare, jaw slack, eyes still following him as the ride makes another go round. Once again, he waves his arms to get your attention then cups his hands around his mouth and shouts “Bread!”

What?

The joke runs through your head several times as you try to connect it with the punchline but no matter how hard you try, you can't figure out the pun. Even from where Jin sits at the peak of the ride, his windshield wiper laugh can be heard all the way from the ground. You press the button on your panel to slow the ferris wheel and then watch him still with your dumbstruck expression as his car slows and then comes to a complete stop in front of you.

“That makes no sense,” you finally say as you watch him step carefully out of the cage and roll his shoulders.

His shining eyes are drawn into slits from the amused smile still plastered across his face. “It does in Korean,” he says with a shrug.

You can't help but smile and shake your head. Everything you've heard about him is true. He's an absolute ham.

“Jin-hyung!”

You and the oldest member of BTS turn your attention back up to the boardwalk where RM stands with Suga and J-hope. Ugh, how do they all look so flawless? The leader yells something down to Jin in Korean and Jin turns to give you a smile.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N,” he says, touching your arm gently. “Thank you for the ride.”

“No problem,” you whisper even though he's already weaving his way back up to where his bandmates are waiting for him. “My pleasure,” you add under your breath.

Since the seven boys are the only guests at California Adventure—unless they suddenly decide they want to ride the ferris wheel all night—you're in for an extremely uneventful rest of your shift. With a heavy sigh, you turn and look out across the water toward the Little Mermaid ride. The air is still muggy even though the sun has set and a breeze is rustling the leaves of the expertly shaped trees lining the walkway. You tug at the stiff collar of your polyester uniform before glancing down at the work sanctioned Mickey Mouse watch on your wrist. Only twenty more minutes until eleven o' clock. Twenty minutes until you can make your way back down into the underground grid of tunnels made up of employee parking garages, break rooms, locker rooms and other corridors considered Disney's “backstage” area.

“Hey!”

Your head snaps back around to find Jin standing back at the entrance to the ride up on the boardwalk. You can't help the smile that spreads wide across your face. “Hey!” you yell back.

Jin holds up his wrist and taps his finger against it. “What time?” he calls.

“What? Right now?”

The boy drops his hands and lets out a dramatic sigh as he turns his head first to the left then to the right. “RM!” he yells.

Your eyes dart farther down the walkway to where RM has stopped on his way to the Incredicoaster. “What do you want?” he yells in English.

You giggle at the exchange. It's even harder to contain your laughter as Jin goes on to yell back something in Korean, his voice cracking from the sheer exertion he's putting it through as his words have a lot of ground to cover. His face has turned an amusing shade of pink and you can see a vein bulging in his neck.

At last, you hear a defeated cry before RM comes jogging into view. He stops just in the corner of your eyesight and waves down at you. “Jin-hyung wants to know what time your shift ends!” he yells.

Now your mouth falls open again as you glance between the two members. “Uh, well, the park closes at eleven so in about twenty minutes.”

The leader turns back to the older and relays what you said in Korean before Jin gives you a big smile and says something back to him. With an animated flail of his arms, he points at you, urging RM to translate again. RM rolls his eyes but the smile on his face says he's not actually annoyed.

“He wants to know if you'd like to join him over at Disneyland after you get done.”

You let out a laugh. “What?” you ask. “Seriously?” Then you look back at Jin and he gives you a nod and another smile. “I mean, I look kind of gross right now and I don't really have anything cute to put on—”

“Oh, Y/N,” Jin says with a thumbs up. “You look good! Very beautiful!” Then he presses his palms together. “Please come!”

The butterflies in your stomach have flapped themselves into a whirlwind and you can feel heat blooming in your already warm cheeks. Did Kim Seokjin, Mr. Worldwide Handsome himself, really just call you beautiful? Better yet, did he really just ask you to hang out with him for the rest of the night?

“Please?” he asks again.

You nod vigorously, making sure there's no possible way he could misinterpret the gesture. “Yes, I'd love to!” you say back.

“Yah!” he exclaims throwing his hands in the air in victory. “Okay! Thank you!”

“I'll meet you at the entrance in thirty minutes!”

Jin looks to RM again and the leader quickly tells him what you said.

“Oh! Yes!” Jin says. “See you then!” Then the two boys disappear back down the path again as you stare after them in disbelief.

Your hands fly up to hold either side of your head. “No way,” you whisper to yourself. “No way, no way, no way.”

“Y/N!” You look up again and this time it's Jada standing at the entrance to your ride. “What just happened?” she asks.

You're still standing there, hands on your face, your mouth gaping open. “Kim Seokjin just asked me on a Disney date,” you call back.

Jada squeals, clapping her hands together excitedly as she jumps up and down. “Are you serious right now? Holy crap, he’s cute! Are you okay? Are you freaking out?”

“I think I just died.”

“Y/N!!!!!” she cries as she continues her victory dance.

“I gotta sit down,” you say and slump against the guardrail.

Jada runs down through the line until she reaches you then grabs your shoulders and shakes you as she continues her excited squealing.

“What just happened?” you ask.

“Kim Seokjin of BTS just asked you, Y/N Y/L/N, to hang out with him in Disneyland.”

“So, I wasn't dreaming?”

“I heard the whole thing,” she says.

“Holy crap.”

#bts #bangtan #bangtan sonyeondan #bts fanfic #bts au #bts fanfiction #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction #bts kim seokjin #bts jin #bts x reader #bts x disney #disney #disney fanfic #disney au #jin x reader #kim seokjin x reader #bts one shot #bts fluff #fanfic fluff #jin one shot #seokjin one shot #bts rm #bts suga #bts jhope #fanfic #fanfiction #bts scenarios #shays masterlist

[gwynne-fics]

Silent Scream

part 13

one. Rachel growled in frustration as her phone went off with the Jaeger pilot call because it came right before she orgasmed and she hated being interrupted. Hyo-Shin kissed her once before rolling off of her and sprinting over to her purse for her. He pulled it out.

“Category Three. They’re going to airlift you and Eun-Sang to Silent Scream. The helicopter is on its way. They are backing you up with Tsunami Trick and…” He paused and his eyebrows lowered. “Secret Melody? It says it’s Rangers Oh and Lee.”

Rachel sighed and got out of bed. She pulled out the duffle bag with her Jaeger suit and started putting it on. “Oh Hye-Won has been trying to get Lee Sung-Jae sponsors but I think my mom is blocking her. They’re cute. Kind of like Mind Reader. This configuration makes me nervous. Eun-Sang and I are too new, Tsunami Trick hates each other, and Secret Melody has never been in a real Jaeger together.”

“I’ll make some calls. They shouldn’t be beholden to your mother.” He started pulling on his clothes, too, and Rachel frowned. He came up to her and kissed her softly. “I have to go to a shelter. That requires clothes. There’s one in the basement. Once you win, I’ll rejoin you back at the Shatterdome.”

She didn’t like that answer either. Rachel closed her eyes and hugged him tightly. “This was supposed to be a honeymoon.”

“I married a hero,” he teased. “I think it’s in the contract that our honeymoon gets interrupted. I know we’ll hurry back towards each other.” He kissed her again and patted her ass before hurrying her to finish getting ready.

Eun-Sang and Young-Do met them out in the hall. She tried to smile at her sister but Eun-Sang just shook her head because she obviously knew how annoyed Rachel was that the kaiju dared to interrupt her honeymoon.

The ride up to the roof was quiet and went they stepped out, Rachel looked up at the night sky and wrinkled her nose. Eun-Sang noticed her gaze and nodded. The weather is already changing. It’s coming in this direction.

Rachel turned to Hyo-Shin as the helicopter techs came and took their remaining gear. “Please stay safe. I would hate to be a widow. I’ve already lived that and I didn’t enjoy the experience.”

He smiled at her and cupped her cheek before kissing her. “I’ll stay in one piece. I would never embarrass you by dying on our wedding night. Kick its ass. I love you.”

“I love you.” She hugged him tightly before swallowing that ever present fear she would never see him again. Eun-Sang took her hand and nodded solemnly before breaking out into a grin. Rachel knew why.

They got to get in a Jaeger and fight kaiju. They ran out to the helicopter and strapped in. Tsunami Trick was already there and Heung-Soo gave her a fist bump. Then he gave one to Eun-Sang before signing.

Nice dance moves. We’re jealous.

Eun-Sang flushed and wrinkled her nose. Why?

We don’t get to dance together. Rachel was a little surprised at how good they were. She hadn’t known that they were practicing, although sign language was perfect for times like this--when it was too loud to speak clearly and when they didn’t want the entire Ranger Corps to hear them. Eun-Sang looked at her but Rachel quickly held her hands up.

I didn’t stop them.

Let’s hold a party where everyone can dance with everyone. Eun-Sang said it so fiercely that both men actually tried to hide their grins behind their hands. She slowed down when Nam-Soon looked a little confused. Bo-Na wants to do something fun. We can collaborate.

Okay. We’re coming up to the drop. She tilted her head at the four shadows pelted by rain and waves.

Rachel always liked the physical challenges that came with the Jaeger program. Her parents hadn’t encouraged athletics the way they did with Young-Do. She liked the adrenaline rush of watching Eun-Sang leap to Silent Scream’s shoulder, caught and steadied by the techs putting their Jaeger into place.

She didn’t hesitate on her turn. She landed perfectly and laughed over the sound of the ocean and storm starting to twist around her. They were quickly put inside the apparatus and for the first time, going into the Drift, completing the neural handshake, settling into their Jaeger wasn’t difficult.

“Sound Off,” Commander Jung said briskly.

“Silent Scream, ready.”

“Tsunami Trick, ready.” It was Heung-Soo.

“Secret Melody, ready.” Ranger Lee’s voice echoed in their helmets.

“Mind Reader, ready.” Ranger Jang’s voice sent a silent screech into Rachel’s head as Eun-Sang mentally freaked out for a few seconds. Rachel raised her eyebrows but Eun-Sang just giggled helplessly as her heart rate sped up.

Calm down or everyone is going to know, including Mind Reader. Eun-Sang stuck her tongue out at her but her heart rate calmed down about a minute later.

“Mind Reader will be taking point,” Commander Jung said. “Secret Melody, this is your first drop, only engage under Ranger Jang or Ranger Park’s orders. It is our first category three. I would rather go for overkill and no civilian casualties than risk Seoul and Busan again. All shelters reporting full and CCTV says there is no one in the streets. You are clear to engage.”

“Silent Scream, Tsunami Trick fan out. It will breech in front of where you’re standing. We want the four of us to surround it and go for the brain plates. Sending coordinates.” Ranger Park flung up their positions onto their screen and Rachel moved them into place.

You know they earned their call sign when no one questions them, Eun-Sang whispered through their neural handshake.

Wait for it, Rachel murmured back right as Nam-Soon came onto the comms. Tsunami is cantankerous.

two. “It’s more likely they will--”

“This one has features similar to Atticon,” Ranger Jang cut in. “Reassess your assumptions, Tsunami. If this formation doesn’t work, you are still in place to hinge back with the sonic cannon and Silent Scream can use their swords to vivisect it.”

Rachel tried not to audibly giggle as Ranger Park said, “We will come down on the head with our signature move.”

“Your signature move hasn’t been working as well,” Heung-Soo said softly. “We just want you to take that into consideration. It wouldn’t do to get our rookie killed during their first drop. We learned to be very mindful of kaiju tails during our altercation with Atticon.”

It’s coming, Eun-Sang said as the proximity meter lit up their screens. She was a little annoyed by the talk on the comms. Maybe this was why the Ranger Corps liked to only send one Jaeger at a time against the kaiju. Drift Compatible Teams could pilot a Jaeger but they couldn’t get a lot very well with other teams. We need to stop fighting each other and fight it.

“Agreed,” Rachel said out loud. “Eun-Sang is eager to kick kaiju ass. Here we go.”

When the kaiju breached, it really did look like a larger Atticon. She didn’t blame Tsunami Trick for their half second of hesitation after the kaiju reared up. But they were in the right place to go for the hindbrain, while she and Rachel went for the center, and Mind Reader took the head.

It almost worked, but the shelf that they stood on was too deep to take the kaiju completely down and their blade glanced off the hard skin that shielded the neck. It didn’t get off a death keel, but instead used its remaining energy to go for Secret Melody. That was probably part of Mind Reader’s plan, to use the rookie as bait. Eun-Sang felt a little panic as the top half of the kaiju started running towards them.

But Secret Melody was up to the challenge. With a hard right hook to the head they put the kaiju down in the water and followed it up with a sword to the main brain through the open mouth. Tsunami did the same with the bottom half and nailed it to the shore.

Whoever was running the operation at command said, “Confirmed kill goes to Secret Melody and Tsunami Trick. Nice teamwork. Marshall Pentecost will be pleased. Fastest kill on record for a team. You know how he feels about that.”

I miss Young-Do’s voice, Eun-Sang said in their connection as they started their way back to the Shatterdome. He’s better at this. I’m glad we had Mind Reader. Their experience made up for it.

Are you going to ask for a signature when we get out?

Eun-Sang felt herself blush as the helicopters attached cables to Silent Scream and lifted them out of the ocean. At least Rachel seemed to think it was reasonable to want something if she got to actually talk to Ranger Jang or Ranger Park.

I don’t have a pen or paper.

She thought that was the end of it until the disembarked an hour a later. They had to go through a medical screening with all of the teams and tried not to look longingly at Ranger Jang and her cranky poise as she glared at the medical team.

“Your last fracture hasn’t healed completely,” Ye-Sol snapped at Ranger Jang. “There could be consequences if you reinjured it. You shouldn’t have gone out.”

“I’m fine. Nothing hurts like last time.”

“That is not how it works!”

Eun-Sang tried not to laugh but she covered her mouth with her hand just as she felt someone come up beside her. She looked up and stopped breathing. Ranger Park was just so tall. He grinned down at her. “She’s been looking for an opportunity to get back in a Jaeger. She’s not ready to give up fighting and go to teaching. I am and she thinks I’m lazy.”

“You are lazy, Park Soo-Ha!”

“I love you so much, Jang Hye-Sung!”

Eun-Sang felt so frozen as she watched the two banter. Her jaw was a little slack because Ranger Park was so handsome and charming and tall. “You clearly have a type,” Rachel teased as she joined them. “Ranger Park, my copilot can’t speak, but she is dying for your autograph. Can we get one from you later?”

Ranger Park looked a little surprised as he glanced down at her before he nodded. Eun-Sang just felt like her mind was babbling a mile a minute and she was grateful Rachel knew what to say. He reached onto his sleeve and yanked off his Ranger patch with his name and callsign. Then he went over to Ranger Jang and did the same with hers. He kissed the tip of her nose before coming back over. “Here. This will probably go better with your collection, Ranger Cha. Good work out there. We need more battles with several teams. They are adapting to us and it doesn’t make sense.”

Eun-Sang barely managed a bow. Thank you.

You’re very welcome, Ranger Cha. She was shocked he could sign it. Maybe it was true that all the pilots were learning sign language. Eun-Sang watched him go over to Ranger Jang and start trying to mediate between her and Ye-Sol.

Eun-Sang tilted her head and frowned slightly before turning to Rachel. Do you think he looks like Nam-Soon?

three. Rachel tried not to pace. It was difficult in her small room. She had to clean it up in order to manage it. Eun-Sang sat on her bed with her knees pulled up to her chest, curling and uncurling her toes, as she watched Rachel.

They had different reactions to coming out of a Jaeger, whole and with all of their brains intact. Rachel couldn’t stop moving and Eun-Sang went entirely still. Part of it had to do with the fact it was taking hours for Hyo-Shin and Young-Do to return to the Shatterdome.

Eun-Sang abruptly waved her over to the bed. She had her phone out and she looked a little pale. Rachel joined her on the bed and when she saw the headlines for the trending news articles, she gasped.

Corruption in South Korea’s Jaeger Program!

Zeus Hotels Raided By Prosecutors!

Chairman Seo Pil-Won of SeoHan Arts Foundation Arrested!

Jaeger Program Administrative Staff To Be Questioned For Embezzlement Scheme!

Rachel grabbed her phone and called Young-Do. She was relieved when he picked up. “Can you talk?”

“Not really.”

“Tell me you got whistleblower protections and immunity before you did this.”

“This wasn’t me,” he said and it sounded strained. “Someone else tipped off the prosecutors. Commander Jung has ordered me to return to the Shatterdome tonight but her power only goes so far.” He swallowed audibly. “You remember Go Nam-Il?”

Her panic subsided. “Is he helping you?”

“Yes.” Young-Do paused as someone called his name. “I’ve got to go. Your husband and I will be home in a few hours. He’s been questioned, too. I got us both different lawyers. Tell Eun-Sang I love her. I love you, too, little sister.”

He hung up before she could tell him she loved him, too. Rachel stared at her phone as Eun-Sang put her arm around her shoulders and they both began to cry. All they could do to cope was to read the breaking news articles. Rachel never thought she would be petrified to watch her parents’ empire fall. She never believed it could be done so quickly. It looked easy as she scrolled through the news articles.

Eun-Sang tapped her arm about thirty minutes later. Rachel looked up and found her fighting to smile. Your mom’s name isn’t in any of this. Neither is RS International. How long until Young-Do’s father turns on her?

Rachel sighed and wiped her eyes. They probably needed to eat dinner. “At least three days. Maybe sooner. I want them here. Now.”

Because it is impossible to extradite a member of the Ranger Corps. Do they have those protections?

“Let’s go talk to Commander Jung.” Rachel climbed off the bed just as there was a knock on her door. She went to go answer it as Eun-Sang began hunting around for their shoes. She opened the door to Ranger Park and Ranger Jang. They surprised her enough that she let them both in. Ranger Park had a large food container in his hands that he set down in the middle of the floor and began unpacking. Ranger Jang closed the door. “What’s this?”

“The Shatterdome is worked up with the scandal. Commander Jung asked us to keep you in here to avoid any fights. You don’t hang out with us so no one would follow us here and harass you. Soo-Ha pointed out you probably haven’t had dinner yet.”

Rachel felt imprisoned until Ranger Park handed her a set of chopsticks and a spoon. “Commander Jung is putting the legal protections into place that Choi Young-Do and Lee Hyo-Shin will need to weather this scandal.”

That relaxed her and she glanced over at Eun-Sang. Will you be able to eat with them here? You look ready to hyperventilate.

“We don’t bite,” Ranger Park said and held out chopsticks to Eun-Sang. “Well, I don’t. No promises for my sourpuss girlfriend.”

Somehow, that managed to pull Eun-Sang out of being so starstruck. The rumors are true? You’re together?

Ranger Park answered before Rachel could translate, surprising them both. “Is it that unbelievable? There are plenty of lovers who are Drift Compatible.”

“Soo-Ha,” Ranger Jang said quietly. It was so completely different than how she spoke to anyone else. Rachel immediately believed that they were not only lovers, but in love. “You’re doing it again. You’re going to scare them. He’s a little sensitive about our age gap.”

Do you understand sign language? Rachel had heard about this aspect of Ranger Park but she knew experiencing it was different. This time, he waited until Rachel translated Eun-Sang’s words.

“We’re getting better,” Ranger Jang answered instead. “It was a fun hobby while I was in rehab. He’s just good at guessing the end of the sentence or thought. He’s even good at it with kaiju which makes killing them easier. We used to hold the record for fasted kill.”

You still hold it, Eun-Sang said. Our first kill was a team strike.

Mind Reader distracted them for nearly three hours. They didn’t seem bothered by all of Eun-Sang’s fan questions, nor were they annoyed when Rachel and Eun-Sang got the texts that Young-Do and Hyo-Shin were at the Shatterdome.

Ranger Park cleaned up their dinner and put it back in the case. When Ranger Jang moved to help him, he shot her a look. “I will abandon you in the rehab center if you break your arm again. You have not been cleared.” When she rolled her eyes, he said, “I’ll call you noona.”

Ranger Jang huffed but didn’t get in her copilot’s way. They are really cute, Eun-Sang said, her hands out of the way so she wasn’t overheard.

“We’ll keep the hallway clear,” Ranger Jang said. “Do you want to wait here, Ranger Cha, or meet your friend in his rooms?”

“Go,” Rachel said softly. “It’s right next door. Don’t forget your phone.”

Eun-Sang grabbed her shoes and phone before the team escorted her safely to Young-Do’s room. Rachel cleaned up the pillows they used to sit on and wiped off the small coffee table before folding it up and storing it. She thought it would be enough to keep her busy until Hyo-Shin came home.

What should’ve taken him fifteen minutes, took nearly forty-five. Rachel knew Eun-Sang was going stir crazy, too, because she texted Rachel twice. Then the door opened and Hyo-Shin wearily stepped inside. Rachel didn’t care. She threw herself into his arms and hugged him tightly.

He grunted and winced. She pulled back and had a new reason to panic. He had the remains of a bloody nose and some bruising around his jaw. “Did Young-Do do this?”

Hyo-Shin grabbed her hand before she could stalk off to yell at her brother. “I love how protective you are, but no. It was your step-father. We were down in the shelter together and his goons had some fun. It’s not as bad as it looks. Young-Do took most of it.”

“Ye-Sol needs to look at you. You’re not fully recovered from the coma and the other fight you got into.” She cupped his cheek and fretted. “Let’s go.”

“Ye-Sol says I’m fine. She gave me some painkillers and ran some tests on my implant. Come lay down with me. I need cuddles.” Hyo-Shin rarely pouted at her so she gave in and put him to bed after he took his medicine. She curled up against his side and put his arm over his waist.

“For better or worse is not supposed to be the tagline of our marriage. It always seems worse.”

Hyo-Shin kissed her temple. “Tell me about the fight. I was too occupied to watch it. All I know was that it was fast. What was it like? Working with Mind Reader?”

Rachel almost smiled. She briefly closed her eyes. “Ranger Park looks a little like Nam-Soon.”

four. Eun-Sang tried to nap when it was clear that Young-Do wouldn’t be able to get to his room any time soon so she missed him coming in. The door closed quietly and her exhausted body just did not rouse until the bed dipped and he tucked her hair behind her ear. She blinked herself awake and rolled onto her back so she could look up at him. He smiled down at her and took her hand and kissed her palm.

“Congratulations on your kill time. There were no casualties and no injuries. We may not know why this is happening or when it will end but our world is in good hands.”

Are you okay? He didn’t sound well. There was something off in his voice and he was moving weird. She sat up so she could get a better look at him. His knuckles looked bruised and there was a tiny scratch over his eyebrow.

“I’m fine. Really. It’s just been a long day. I was able to get a few sponsors to meet us here at the Shatterdome to discuss contracts before I left. Once you and Rachel are feeling up to it, there will probably be another interview. Mind Reader is notorious for not taking interviews and--”

Young-Do. She put her hand over his mouth so he would listen to her. What’s wrong? It isn’t nothing. Let’s talk about it. Do you think I’m too fragile to handle your pain?

His expression softened and he shook his head. “I got into a fight with my father. It happened before the raid of Zeus Hotels. He was upset that I gave legitimacy to Rachel’s marriage. He went after the Asshole and...I don’t want to dwell on it. I would rather focus on you. That’s all.”

Eun-Sang considered him and wondered how much she should push him to be open and honest with her. She knew how important respecting words was so she decided to nod and kiss him. He made an interesting little sound as his arms came around her waist and he pulled her closer. She shifted so she could wrap her arms around his shoulders and he stiffened.

She immediately stopped kissing him. And she remembered the scars on his back.

Eun-Sang sat back on her knees and tried not to cry.

Young-Do ran his hand through his hair. “It’s not that bad. He didn’t break the skin this time.”

I love you. If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to. But I don’t want to inadvertently hurt you. The way you don’t want to hurt me. It’s late. We’re both tired. Let’s just safely cuddle. I can launch my sexy times offensive another time.

He covered his mouth with his hand and raised his eyebrows. She had effectively distracted him. “Sexy times offensive?”

Eun-Sang swallowed and told herself she had nothing to be afraid of when she reached down and pulled her shirt off over her head. She was still wearing her sports bra and sweatpants but she was more exposed than she’d ever wanted to be with a man. She didn’t look away but she did smirk when his jaw went a little slack and he just stared at her for a few seconds before blushing.

I know most plans don’t survive most engagements of the enemy but...she shrugged helplessly. You’re always taking off your shirt. Turnabout is fair play.

“It definitely is,” he said hoarsely. You won this round. However, Young-Do paused as he bent down and kissed her in the way romantic dreams were made of. It was soft, slow, and purposeful as he got her to lay back on the bed. He put his hand on her bare waist and she didn’t freak out. It felt like a victory. “I am not your enemy.”

It was her turn to blush as they returned to kissing each other. She avoided touching his back and he kept his hands over her clothes (where she had them) because as beautiful as this was, they were still tentative with the other’s boundaries. Eun-Sang still surprised herself when she willingly opened her legs so she could pull him closer because not touching his back was hard. She wanted more than whatever level they were at right now but she didn’t know how to ask for it. She pulled back and stared up at him.

Eun-Sang was grateful when he shifted and redistributed his weight beside her. “Yes,” he said, making the sign for it. “No.” She nodded in reply when he put his hand back on her waist. “I would like to kiss your stomach.”

She almost giggled at the absurdity of it but she knew why it was so important for them. Yes. Please. She did giggle when his lips touched her skin. He made a point not to hold onto her hands but she couldn’t resist running her fingers through his hair. After Drifting with Rachel, she had a little bit more of a context for what was happening between her legs and what it was that she wanted to experience with Young-Do.

It felt like he’d kissed nearly all of her stomach before he lifted his head. “I would like to go down on you. Is that okay to try?”

Yes. Her heart raced so quickly that she fumbled with scooting off her sweatpants and panties but they were finally to a point where neither of them were putting on the breaks. I will pull your hair if I need you to stop. There are plenty of blankets to grip if I need that.

He kissed her stomach again before he pushed her pants all the way off. She was glad he took a moment to look at her because she nearly panicked at the exposed feeling before she reminded herself that this was Young-Do. She loved him and she wanted to do this with him, especially since this required so little from her.

She needed to be able to accept this tenderness from him in a sexual context and she was grateful he waited for her to be able to do that. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply for a minute before she nodded. She curled her fingers in the blankets beside her. Okay. Yes.

Eun-Sang flailed a little when he kissed her inner thigh because she could feel the warmth of his breath against parts of her that were incredibly sensitive. She became so entirely focused on what he was doing that she accidentally kicked her leg out when his lips and tongue, for lack of a better word, kissed her. She felt like it was mirrored in the way he kissed her mouth and uncurling didn’t describe the sensation building inside her.

“Oh,” she said when it happened and all she could do was stare blankly at the ceiling. “Oh.” He abruptly stopped and when he moved she just curled her body into a ball. A few seconds later, he curled around her.

“I heard your voice,” he said a few seconds later. “Did I finish you or do I need to go back and work harder?”

Eun-Sang almost laughed as she rolled over so he could hear her. I’m not sure whimpering counts as my voice but I definitely...ah...finished. Tell me how to touch you. I would like to try.

“It is a lovely voice.” He kissed her forehead and she was glad he didn’t try to put her off. “Let me put on a condom. That’ll make this easier to clean up. You don’t have to look at me.” Her eyes stung because that meant he really did see what Tan yelled at her during the attack. He kissed her forehead again and wiped his thumb under his eye. “You--”

I want to. Feeling selfish, after all the care you just took with me, to share such an amazing feeling with me, would just be worse. I’ll stop if I freak out. I know, you know, it isn’t about you.

“I do,” he agreed. Eun-Sang tried not to be impressed (and jealous) he was able to get the condom on so quickly. He carefully took her hand and put it on his arousal and then moved his hand away so he could return all the control to her.

He didn’t feel like she expected but he certainly was larger than she expected. She almost made a joke until she looked into his face and saw that he’d closed his eyes and was breathing heavily. She didn’t really know what she was doing and she was a little afraid she might accidentally hurt him.

Like her own climax, his surprised her a little, because he put his hand against her back and bowed his forehead to her shoulder before he grunted and then relaxed. He went smaller in her hand and she pulled it away. “Thank you.” His voice was rough. He opened his eyes and kissed her. “I really needed that after today. I’ll be right back.”

Eun-Sang watched him get out of bed and go over to his sink. She couldn’t exactly see how he removed the used condom and threw it away before he washed his hands and brushed his teeth. She found her panties and put them back on before joining him. He let her borrow his toothbrush and she just felt warm and full.

She felt like she imagined she should feel like after an intimate encounter with her boyfriend. She tugged briefly on his belt loops to get his attention. Can I stay here tonight?

#silent scream

[bbybucky-fics]

six feet under — part four.

summary: you meet him at church, he might just be satan | au

pairing: biker!bucky x reader

word count: 2385

warnings: smoking, mentions of religion, swearing

a/n: this is more bucky’s pov and a glimpse into his life and the storm to come. tags at the bottom!

previous parts: part one | part two | part three

A man’s ego is just as fragile as a woman’s heart, a dejected man is a man to be reckoned with and Bucky is no different. He’s seen a lot, been through a lot and the leather-clad handsome stranger is not going to let you slip out of his tight grasp not without getting into a fight first. Bucky’s had enough fights to know although he may be a little bloodied and bruised he’ll come out on top. His cockiness always shines through even despite the silent feeling of rejection he felt when you walked past him into the church where light seemed to blind everybody but him.

He’s a patient man who leans up against the sleek American muscle behind him, one hand digging into his pocket for another cigarette whilst the other flickers his lighter on and off. Bucky’s ocean blue eyes seem grey now in comparison as they gaze, almost glare at the entrance of the church only seconds away from his spot in the parking lot. Bucky knows he shouldn’t, he knows the kind of trouble he’ll get not only you in but himself in for doing this but he can’t help himself. The fire in him only burns brightly when you are around and he craves to see the wild embers illuminating your soft features.

You’re the girl that drives him crazy and Bucky would love nothing more for than you to drive him insane.

Bucky’s smokes his cigarette without a care, plumes of smoke billowing in the air as the addictive taste of nicotine hits him hard and fast. He needs something stronger to take the edge off but it will do for now as he waits patiently to see the girl who makes him lose all sanity. Bucky’s halfway through his second cigarette that’s eroding quicker than normal when a noise other than his own grunts and the sound of birds chirping rings through the ear. “Fuck,” he lets out a mumbled deep groan before discarding his cigarette to the ground and fishing his phone out of his pocket.

The name on the screen reads ‘Steve’ and Bucky sighs even deeper than before. “I’m busy,” he grunts into the phone as he shoves a hand into his pocket. The person on the other end of the phone laughs not caring at all at Bucky’s words.

Bucky taps his foot impatiently as he waits for his reply. “I bet you are, I heard from Sam Y/N’s looking real pretty today,” Bucky growls causing Steve to laugh even harder on the other end of the phone.

“What do you do want Steve?” Bucky grits out trying his hardest to hold back a growl from tearing itself from his throat. Steve is like him, they’re practically brothers and because of that he knows how to push Bucky’s limits and is doing so just for fun.

“We need you back at the bar, Scott was talking around to some people and all I’m gonna say is shit’s about to go down. We need you, Buck.” Bucky grimaces at the nickname his head jerking to the side as his face shrivels up in disgust despite Steve not being there to see his facial expression.

Bucky thinks deeply for a couple of seconds and as he goes to reply suddenly a hoard of noises fill his ears. His eyes dart quickly to the church entrance where dozens of people are spilling out, content smiles on their faces and halos above their heads.

The leather-clad man’s eyes roam around the crowd for you and when he sees you walking out glowing like the sun itself he smiles already thinking of approaching you again. “I’ll be there in a bit, I got this thing to do,” Bucky replies and he knows there’s no doubt Steve is smirking widely on his end of the phone.

Steve chuckles, “You better not smell like sex when you come back Buck,” he says and Bucky rolls his eyes.

“Fuck off Stevie,” Bucky grumbles into his phone not missing the stares and gawks of the town’s people who despise sinners like him.

Bucky sees you coming closer and the fire inside of him sparks again, soon the flames will roar and reach so high they’ll meet the sun - you.

Bucky doesn’t wait for Steve’s reply and instead quickly hangs up on as his eyes connect with yours across the parking lot. You can’t help but look at him longingly because every part of you craves whatever sinful plans he has for you. You know you shouldn’t feel the way you do, he ruins people and just for fun but parts of you want nothing more than for him to take control, to use you for his own desire. There’s just something about Bucky that makes you and you’re sure every woman want to bend to his will.

Your breath hitches in your throat as he looks upon you, is that affection you see in his eyes? Or is it desire? Either way, you love the way he looks at you as if there aren’t a bevvy of girls he makes fall to their knees. You find yourself not being able to move as your heart tells you to lurch towards the man, to grasp the lapels of his faded leather jacket and moan his name softly as his lips bruise your neck staking his claim on you. Your head, however, tells you he’s no good, that being with him will end in nothing but your unhappiness.

You don’t know whether to move or not but the decision is made for you when your mother reaches you placing a strikingly cold hand on your shoulder. “Sweetie, what’s going on? Why are you just standing in the middle of the parking lot?” She asks full of questions as her eyes search your face for any kind of distress or wrongdoing.

You don’t reply too consumed with your conflicting emotions and thoughts to care about anything else other than whether or not to let Bucky ruin you right here and then in the parking lot. Your mother frowns at your silence and lets herself follow your eye line till her aged eyes land on Bucky whose own eyes are staring at you with what she hopes is not affection. Your mother’s eyebrows crease in confusion, here is where he shouldn’t be he should be far away from you and with the group of thugs he calls friends, he calls family.

“Sweetheart get in the car, I’ll be there in a second,” you don’t have time to think as your mother pushes you in the direction of your car perfectly located on the other side of the parking lot away from Bucky.

You’re too focused on not trying to embarrass yourself under Bucky’s intense gaze that you fail to look at the hardened look on your mother’s face as he looks upon Bucky. You go to the car missing your mother walking over to Bucky with a look of pure hell on his face and he would know after all he was the devil himself.

Your mother folds her arms across her chest and before Bucky can say a word or laugh her off she speaks with such fury and rage any grown man would be scared. “You don’t know when to quit do you Barnes?” he looks at eyebrows raising in confusion.

“Stay the hell away from my daughter, I’ve heard those rumours about you two and you better hope they aren’t true because if they are you and your little motorcycle riding friends will regret the day you came riding into this town.” Your mother finishes her eyes locked on Bucky who stands silent not knowing what to say.

Your mother walks away thinking Bucky won’t reply.

She’s wrong.

“I’m not going anywhere until I have my babygirl by my side,” Bucky remarks with a smirk when your mother’s face flashes with anger.

The dive bar Bucky calls home is silent upon the moment he enters, all heads at the table turn and eyes born into his own blue eyes. Bucky rolls his eyes playfully at the men seated at the table and doesn’t miss the way Steve smirks at him as he sits down beside him.

A chuckle emits from someone’s lips and they say, “Barnes how’s your girl, that sweet little thing from church?” The voice belongs to Sam Wilson sat across from Bucky, Sam loves to rile Bucky up and ever since Bucky laid eyes on you weeks ago in that parking lot his slight obsession with you had been the source of all Sam’s material.

A chorus of eye rolls surrounds the table before Clint Barton next to Bucky says, “Wilson this is serious.” Sam merely chuckles again eyes fitting onto Buckys.

“You know I miss the days when it was all driving on the open road, getting drunk and fucking random girls at bars,” Sam says eyes crinkling at the image of the life everyone at the table used to live before things changed.

“Don’t we all,” Steve mutters silently shaking his head.

Bucky sits silently at the table eyes glaring daggers in Sam’s direction holding back a growl, Sam merely laughs at the look on his face. Bucky tries to push his thoughts of beating the crap out of Sam back and when he’s done so, he leans forward and says, “what’s going on boys?”

A series of sighs fall from everybody’s lips even young Peter at the table who looks incredibly uncomfortable. No one says anything waiting for their fearful leader to speak up and then he does from the head of the table, “Hydra.” Steve says.

Bucky’s jaw tenses at the mention of their name and he has to do everything to suppress the fire inside of him burning everyone and everything. Bucky’s blue glassy eyes cast down on the table, his fist clenching and unclenching as he tries to calm himself but the bad news keeps coming.

“They’re the ones who killed Tony and you know what that means.” An eye for an eye, it meant Bucky and the rest of the men on the table were going to get revenge, retribution against Hydra.

Bucky’s not the only one whose uneasy at the thought of going against Hydra - they’re one of the most powerful biker gangs in the country with power unparalleled to Bucky and his gang of ‘thugs’ everybody at the table had their fears. Peter taps his foot nervously against the varnished hardwood floor eyes moving rapidly back and forth trying to comprehend Steve’s words. He’d been in the club since he turned sixteen but he had still not gotten used to the rules that they lived by, there was a code they had to honour. And there was nothing neither Bucky or Peter could do about it.

Steve doesn’t let the silence linger long instead he stand up at the head of the table tugging slightly at the lapels of his own sleek leather jacket and saying, “I know this isn’t what any of us want but it needs to be done.” Steve’s eyes connect with Bucky and he knows then that his speech is directed at Bucky more than anybody else.

“What’s our plan of attack?” Peter asks timidly and worriedly from the other end of the table.

Steve looks at him smiling slightly at the kid and replies, “As your father would say, as Tony would say - attack.”

Clint laughs from beside Bucky at Steve’s words, “Tony always was an idiot.” His tone is nostalgic and lighthearted remembering the once leader of the club, now that role had been filled by Steve who would do anything for the club.

Chuckles surround the table, nostalgia in the air replacing silence’s place happily. Bucky sighs deeply, however, all eyes on him as he does so.

“Is this about Hydra or your little girlfriend?” Asks Sam who refuses to wipe his signature smirk off his face every time he mentions you around Bucky.

Bucky glares at Sam before replying, “does it matter?”

Everyone at the table shares a knowing look prompting Clint to say, “Barnes we told you to stay away.”

Steve chuckles, “Like that was gonna stop Buck from being smitten with Y/N.”

Bucky shakes his head not liking the topic of conversation at all, he was used to the teasing from Sam, he didn’t need it from everybody else. “I’m not smitten and this not about Y/N,” Bucky says fiercely, too fiercely that no one, not even the impressionable Peter believes him.

“Look Bucky just be careful, especially now everything with Hydra,” Steve says and Bucky’s a tiny bit thankful Tony’s no longer the leader or he would have made some sort of joke that made Bucky’s skin crawl about you.

“I will but I can’t keep any promises,” Bucky says smirking slightly as images of you run wild in his head distracting him from Hydra and the impending and inevitable confrontation.

Steve shakes his head eyes full of laughter at his friend’s antics, “Now that we’re done discussing Bucky’s love life let’s get back to business. We need to prepare, tell T’Challa we need him, Clint reach out to Natasha and Wanda tell them they need to come home early. I’ll call Scott tell him we need him but that’s all we can do till they make their next move.” Steve says, orders as his turn hard and serious all playfulness gone instantly.

Everybody around the table nods and Steve smiles, “Good now, let’s get drunk and listen to Bucky pine after his girl all night.” The table erupts in laughter as Bucky glares at Steve who only rolls his eyes in response chuckling slightly at his friend.

Tag list:  @sophiealiice @ssweet-empowerment @marveldcmistress @spnhybrid @junkyardbell@coley0823 @thevillainway @buckymetalarmbarnes @softwhispers   @sebashtiansatan @marvel-fanfiction @red-writer13 @kimmyyryan @supernatural-girl97 @lowkeysebby  @cevans98   @zombiewerewolfqueen @vmullcrush @brokenanxiety @vanillaicecrusher @samwise99468 @sophs-the-name @330—whiplash @raisedxbythexwolves   @glassheartandconcreteflowers  @whyhello-there @babybunny000 @sullyisgrunge @whyhello-there  @ravismorgue @gallifreyansass

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky barnes smut #marvel #marvel oneshot #marvel imagine #Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan smut #biker au #biker!bucky #six feet under

[my-emotional-self]

It Takes Three (Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Pairings: Steve x Reader, Bucky x Reader, Polyamorous Relationship (No Stucky)

Word Count: 3,484

Warnings: Swearing, Fluff, Smut, Dom!Steve, Sub!Reader, Sensual Bucky, Smut

Rating: NC-17 (Mature, 18+)

Summary: Reader is in a polyamorous relationship with Steve and Bucky.  Practically Porn with Plot!

A/N: This is my first time writing another character besides Steve/Chris.  I hope I did good!  Depending on the amount of love I get from this, maybe I will add another part in the future……

It didn’t take long to fall in love with the two super soldiers after meeting them that one fateful day in the bakery in which you worked.  You usually worked behind closed doors, decorating the cakes, but on that day, it was as if something pulled you to the front and that was when you met them; Captain Steve Rogers and Sergeant James “Bucky” Barnes.  The minute you laid eyes on them, your breath was stolen from you.  

Working just down the road from Avengers Tower, you knew all about them.  Tony Stark especially ordered many specialty cakes from the bakery; you in particular decorating them.  You took their orders and they were ever the gentlemen you had read about.

They had left you a big tip that day, along with their numbers.  After getting the courage to finally call Bucky one night, the three of you went on your first date.  

Yes, that’s right, the three of you went on a date.  You knew how fond both Steve and Bucky were of each other from the very beginning. When you had talked to them over the phone, they made it clear they were interested in a polyamorous relationship. You were very open minded of things, and decided to give it a go.  

That was one year ago, and things were still as magical as your very first date.  You had a great schedule going on, which made things much easier.  Mondays and Thursdays were reserved for you and Steve; Tuesdays and Fridays were for you and Bucky, Wednesdays and Sundays were for your own time with family and friends, while Saturdays was a date night with the three of you.  

The one thing that made you the most worried, was the one thing that luckily never happened.  There was absolutely no jealously at all between the guys and you.  Guys being guys, you were afraid they would get jealous on the nights they didn’t have you, but you soon learned that just wasn’t the way your gentlemen were.  They loved each other, were brothers, and they made it clear that you had completed their circle.  There was never any intimacy between the three of you together, only one on one.  

One thing did however shock you, but you weren’t complaining about it.  You thought Steve would be the more shy and reserved one in bed, knowing he wasn’t a womanizer back in the day like Bucky was.  Oh no, you couldn’t have been more wrong.   The rolls were definitely reversed in the bedroom.  Steve, your strong dominant Steve was rough with you in bed, many times leaving bruises but fuck did he make you scream and bring out the wild side in you.  Bucky, he was your sweet sensual fellow who charmed you and made love to you.  

~~~

Trudging up the stairs to your apartment, your feet screamed in agony.  Today was unquestionably one of the worst days of work you had.  The first cake you were working on, you had ended up dropping when trying to move it.  The second, your pride and joy cake that you had been working on for almost three days, was knocked over by a careless employee when slamming open the door. You thanked the lucky stars that it was Friday, ready for the weekend.

Stripping your clothes off, you went straight to the bathroom and started the water in the bath. Bucky would be coming over soon and you couldn’t wait for your relaxing night with him.  He always knew how to calm you after a stressful day of work.  

You threw in some lavender salt into the tub as the water continued to fill; your hair now up in a messy bun before sinking into the steaming water.  Your head rested back on the towel and you shut your eyes; your muscles easing instantly.

You must have drifted off, because the next thing you remembered was being wakened by strong hands massaging your shoulders; a soft moan escaping your throat.  

“Feel good doll” Bucky rasped into your ear; his voice shooting electricity straight to your clit.

“Mmmmmm, don’t stop Bucky” you cooed back in a sensual tone.  

Bucky continued to massage your now relaxed shoulders, his cool metal hand doing wonders on your heated body.  

His right hand slipped lower, connecting with your breast as he tweaked a nipple.  “Fuck” you whispered out at his expertise.  Bucky’s lips trailed kisses all over your neck; your left hand reaching behind to tangle into his long locks.  

“Rough day today?” he asked as his fingers left your now hardened nipple and trailed south down your stomach.  

“Mmmmm” you moaned out, “the worst.”  His hand splayed on your stomach as your aching nub begged for his touch.  Turning your head, your lips connected with his in a soft kiss; his tongue quickly invading your mouth as you granted him access.

“Please Buck….I need you” you whispered as you pulled back, staring lovingly into his eyes.  He gave you that show stopping smile that you adored so much before his hand finally cupped your sex, causing you to moan out against his lips.  

“Is this what you wanted doll?” he inquired as his thumb pressed to your clit; pleasure immediately coursing through your body.  Biting your lip, you nodded at him eagerly as you closed your eyes.  “I’ll take good care of you princess.”

Bucky quickly inserted a finger into your core as he silenced your moan with a hungry kiss.  He pumped in and out of you with ease as your legs were parted just for him.  He inserted a second digit as his palm hit your nub perfectly and within minutes, you were coming hard on his fingers; his mouth drowning your screams.  

“How’d that feel? Better?” Bucky asked, his charming smile causing you to giggle.  

“I’ll feel even better once you make love to me” you mewled; your gaze darting from his lips to his eyes.

Bucky held out his hand for you and you graciously took it.  Lifting you out of the tub, he wrapped a towel around you and made haste of drying you off.  

The towel dropped from your shoulders as Bucky hoisted you up; your legs instinctively wrapping around his torso as he carried you to the bedroom.  Placing you gently on the bed, he made quick work of taking off his clothing.

Bucky removed his pants as his erection sprang free; your mouth practically salivating at the site of him.  You slipped off the bed and onto your knees as you gently stroked his member; a soft moan escaping from his throat.  

You licked the pre-cum off his tip before fully taking him into your mouth; your hand gripping his base where your mouth couldn’t meet.  As you continued to slowly bob your head and hollow your cheeks, Bucky’s metal hand softly gripped your hair.  

“St-stop doll.  I don’t want to cum just yet” he said as you pulled away from him with a “pop”.  

Bucky bent down and lifted you onto your feet, his lips joining yours in a toe curling kiss.  Once again, he hoisted you up and you wrapped your legs around his torso.  You felt him move onto the bed before he put you down, your head on the pillow.  

“Are you ready doll?” Bucky asked as he lined himself up at your entrance.  With a quick nod of your head, he slowly pushed into you as you both moaned in unison.  

He stilled, giving you time to adjust to his massive size before you gave him the “go ahead” look. Bucky gently started moving in and out of you as you reveled in his slow sensual pace.  He suckled on your neck as you scratched lightly on his back, both of you shuddering at each other’s ministrations.  

“You feel so good inside me Bucky” you breathed out; his member hitting all the right spots deep inside of you.  

Without warning, Bucky flipped you over so you were on top before he moved to sit up himself.  This was one of your favorite positions with him; the closeness of you two in this position made making love that much more magical.  

Placing your hands on his shoulders, you started to ride him up and down as he splayed his hands on your hips; helping you move.  

Before long, Bucky was meeting your thrusts with his; your moans echoed throughout your bedroom as your skin slapped together.  

“Cum with me doll” Bucky begged as you felt your orgasm reaching its peak.  

A few thrusts later, your walls constricted around Bucky’s member as you each cried out in ecstasy. You clung to him as your high invaded your body; Bucky’s seed filling deep within you.  

You gazed longingly into Bucky’s beautiful eyes, a smile plastered to your face.  “I love you Buck” you said with love.  

Bucky’s bright smile lit his face, “I love you too doll.”

~~~

It was your typical Saturday, your date day with your handsome men.  The three of you were splayed out on the couch in the living room of Avengers Tower; The Little Mermaid playing on the big screen.  You were, of course, the pickle in the middle as the popcorn sat on your lap.  

Steve cleared his throat before he spoke up, “We’ve got a mission tomorrow sweets.”

Your heart dropped as he spoke; mission days were the worst for you.  You never knew if the missions would go good or bad; if your boyfriends would ever make it back to you.  Your head hung low in sadness before Steve lifted a finger under your chin and tilting your head towards him.  “It’ll be alright Y/N.  It’s the same type of mission we’ve done a dozen times before.”

You shrugged at him, understanding where he came from, but it didn’t hurt any less.  “I know, it still makes me worry though.”

Bucky’s hand gripped your thigh in encouragement as you turned to face him.  “Everything will be alright doll.  You have nothing to worry about.”

You gave each of your men a weak smile.  “When do you come back?”

“We’ll be back by Monday morning as long as everything goes according to plan” Steve explained before he stuffed his mouth with popcorn.  You laughed at him doing so; giving him a quick peck to his cheek before turning your attention back to the movie.  

As your date night ended, Steve and Bucky walked you back to your apartment.  Reaching your door, you pulled them both in for a tight hug.  

They each placed a gentle kiss to either side of your cheek at the same time.  “I love you Stevie.  I love you Bucky” you stated as you looked at each of them.  

“I love you too doll” Bucky replied with a smile.  

“I love you sweets” Steve stated with a wink.  

~~~

Sunday you were a nervous wreck like you normally were during their missions.  You had minimal contact with them, and you usually found yourself pacing your apartment.  

Exhaustion soon took over and you passed out on your couch.  

When you woke up, you had a text from both Steve and Bucky saying they made it back safely to the tower; your heart leaping in joy that they were alright.  You decided to call in sick to work that morning as you barely got anything done around the house Sunday since you were in such worry.

You started cleaning your apartment hastily, not knowing when Steve would show up.  The dishes were all put into the dishwasher and the laundry was soon folded and put away.  You were now vacuuming when the door to your apartment burst open; Steve charging in before shutting the door.  

You saw the look on his face and immediately knew what it meant; the mission didn’t go as smoothly as he wanted it to.  He was after all Captain, and when things didn’t go the way he planned, let’s just say he didn’t take too nicely to it.

“Bedroom.  Now” he demanded and you quickly turned off the vacuum.

“Yes sir” you replied before you rushed to the bedroom.  

As you entered your bedroom, you stripped your shirt and pants, leaving you only in your panties. You decided to go braless earlier seeing as you didn’t go to work, and you had a feeling Steve wouldn’t like that. Kneeling on the floor, you placed your hands on your thighs as your head was bowed.  

You heard rather than saw Steve enter your bedroom; you could tell by his bare legs that he had already stripped himself of his clothes.  

“Why aren’t you wearing a bra?” his voices husked out.  

“I called in sick to work Sir, so I didn’t put one on” you spoke softly; your eyes remained glued to the floor.  You had to admit, dominant Steve turned you the fuck on to no end.  Of course you loved the sensual side to Bucky, but this way, you got the best of both worlds.

Steve started walking towards you; his finger lifting your chin up to meet his gaze.  His lust filled eyes bore into yours as your pearl throbbed; wanting his touch.  

“Have you been a good girl while I was gone?” he demanded as he held your gaze.  

“Yes sir” you replied quickly, not taking your eyes off him.

He wrapped his hand around his hard cock and pumped himself a few times.  He gave you a curt nod and you knew exactly what it meant.  

Taking your smaller hands, you wrapped it around his member; licking a long strip up the underside.  His guttural moans turning you on even more as you took him fully into your mouth.  His hand gripped your hair tightly as he maneuvered your head at the pace he wanted.  You worked him as best you could, chocking on his cock when he went too deep but you didn’t care, you loved this side of him.  

“On your feet” he barked as he pulled you off his cock.  You stood in front of him; your panties wet with your slick.  

He nodded his head towards the bed and you obliged.  Facing the bed, you bent down so your top half was lying on the bed.  You felt him come up behind you and you shuddered, knowing what was to come.

Steve ripped your panties off you and scoffed without thinking.  “Those were my favorite pair!”

A loud smack thundered throughout the quiet bedroom as you knew what you had just done.  

“Did you just sass me?” Steve demanded as he slapped your other ass cheek.  The stinging sensation went straight to your core causing you to whimper out.  

“I’m sorry sir” you cried out as his hand connected with your ass again.  Damn, you knew your ass was beat red by how hard the slap was, but this was a kink you definitely were into.  

“Here I was thinking that my sweets wouldn’t be punished tonight.  But I guess I was wrong.”  With no warning, Steve plunged a lengthy finger into your dripping core making you cry out in pleasure.  “Fuck baby. You are so ready for my cock” he growled into your ear.  

“Yes sir, I want your cock sir” you cooed out as he continued to finger fuck you.  

Your walls were starting to tighten but he released his finger all too soon.  “No no my sweet Y/N.  You don’t get to cum before I fuck you.  You know the rules.”

You did in fact know the rules, rather well.  If you were being punished, you didn’t get a pre-fuck orgasm.  That’s what you get for not having a filter on your mouth around Steve.

“This is going to be fast and hard baby” Steve said and you nodded at his response.

He plunged his thick cock deep into you with one thrust; barely giving you time to adjust before he started thrusting hard.  

“I want to hear you scream tonight Y/N” he urged and you silently sighed in relief.  Sometimes he didn’t want you to make a peep, other times he wanted to hear you scream; you were happy tonight was the latter because you were so turned on in this moment.  

“Fuck Steve….faster….harder” you panted out between breaths as he rapidly thrusted you from behind; another smack to your ass causing you to gasp out.  

His thrusts became sloppy as your walls started to tighten around him as he gripped your hips tighter; bruises will be evident tomorrow.  

Your toes started to curl as you screamed out his name; your orgasm ripping through you.  “STTEEVVEEE!!!!” you cried out; your vision going black from one of the strongest orgasms you’ve ever had.  

“FUUUCKKKK!!” Steve screamed in unison with you as he still his motions; his hot seed coating your inner walls.  “I fucking love you sweets.”

A small chuckled escaped your lips as you leaned back to look him in the eyes.  “I love you too Stevie.”

~~~

The following Saturday you were getting ready for your weekly date night with both your gentlemen. They made sure to tell you it was extra special, so you were standing in your closet as you continued to sigh.  “What the fuck do I wear?” you yelled out to nobody but yourself.  

You were starting to get frustrated as you took in your fancy dresses before you finally landed on one that would be perfect.  It was a little black dress that jutted out from your hips in a more 50’s style. Lace covered the bodice and went straight down the arms.  You thought it was the most elegant thing you wore, and you wanted to impress your men.

You curled your hair in soft waves before applying very minimal makeup; both Bucky and Steve telling you that you looked beautiful when you were natural.  

Placing your feet into your high heels, a knock on your door alerted you that they had arrived. Grabbing your purse, you opened the door to see Steve and Bucky dressed in suits; your mouth hanging open at their appearance.  

“You look beautiful doll” Bucky gushed as his eyes roamed your body.  

“Gorgeous as always” came Steve’s reply.  

“Me?  Have you seen the way you guys look?  Damn am I a lucky gal!” you shrieked before turning and locking up.  

The three of you walked down the streets of New York hand in hand before making your way into Central Park.

Your brow furrowed, not knowing what was going to happen.  “What do you two have planned?” you asked as you looked at each of them.

Both Steve and Bucky just grinned at you as they kept their mouths closed on what was going on.  

The three of you continued deep into Central Park before you came upon a small table; twinkling lights lining the trees above.  

Your mouth hung open as you gaped at the beauty of what was before you; tears threatening to spill over and onto your face.

“Come on doll” Bucky urged before they pulled you closer to the table.

They both held out a chair for you to sit in and you sat down graciously.  Steve sat down to your left as Bucky sat across from you; a waiter came by and sat down three champagne glasses in front of each of you.

“Am I missing something? Is it our anniversary and I completely forgot??” you questioned as your eyes rose with worry.

“No sweets.  You didn’t forget our anniversary” Steve said in a calming voice.

You nodded at his words before taking a sip of the bubbly champagne.  Throughout the night, the waiter kept coming back to set down magnificent dishes of food.  Your belly was soon filled with so much delicious food, you felt as if you were going to burst.

Gazing between Steve and Bucky, you noticed they were looking at each other, smirks appearing on their faces.  

Before you knew it, both men had risen from their chairs, kneeling down on either side of you.  

“Doll”, Bucky began, “You have made us the happiest men in the world.”

“Since the moment you came into our lives”, Steve continued, “Both of our hearts have been filled with love.”

You looked between Bucky and Steve as they both reached into their pockets.  Your breath caught in your throat as they opened the black velvet boxes, each showing a single band with diamonds.  

“Will you marry us” they said in unison; your hand coming up to clasp over your mouth.  This couldn’t be happening.  The loves of your life were both asking for your hand in marriage; to bind you with them forever.  It was your absolute dream come true.  

With tears in your eyes, you reached out your hands, cupping each of their faces, before nodding your head.  A shaky “Yes” leaving your throat.

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[imspardagus]

Living the dream

This piece is about how men think. If you are a woman and think it ought to have been about you too, I am sorry but I just don’t feel qualified to speculate about what goes through your mind when faced with the life of Jeffrey Epstein and others of his kind.

Not that I am particularly qualified to speculate about how men think, either. I only truly know about myself (or think I do) and though I have listened to a lot of men’s conversations, I haven’t undertaken any proper field studies to gauge how good a match I am for the generality of my sex. I am on a hiding to nothing. If what I am about to say was at all flattering to males, I might well be accused of arrogance by associating myself with it. As it is, I expect I will be roundly criticised, told I am atypical (and unpleasant, to boot) by a chorus of “not in my name” men.

So be it. I come neither to bury Epstein nor to praise him, but to expose a flaw in the way we have been brought up that seems to me to allow Epsteins to flourish and makes us – us men - at the least inadequately resolute in the face of the harm they do.

All I am seeking to do here is to put forward a thought that may provoke a discussion. I am doing so in the hope that the discussion might help us understand our ambivalence a little better. And perhaps that might in turn help us change our way of looking at things. And maybe that might eventually help prevent another Epstein from having his entitled way.

It’s a simple question. Why, when we encounter allegations of gross affronts to human standards of decency made against privileged males, instead of simply being able to condemn such behaviour wholeheartedly and throw our weight behind rooting it out, do we men find ourselves in a dilemma. We should not be in a dilemma. But we are.

We should respond with horror and disgust, of course. Some of us have no trouble with that, though some do so with such gusto that one finds oneself echoing Hamlet: “The lady doth protest too much, methinks” (in this context perhaps that should be “the laddie”).

Some of us, however, take the other public highway, openly and vociferously defending the accused. Few in Western societies will claim outright that he had the right, ceded by his wealth, his position or simply his manhood, to behave as he did. But we are prepared to turn on his victims (okay, to be strictly accurate, his alleged victims), accusing them of lying, of bandwagon jumping, of money-grubbing, of blackmail, of “asking for it”, even of having willingly engaged in prostitution. 

Why do we do that? The vast majority of us will have no personal knowledge of the situation, just the sensationalising reports of the media. Why do we feel the need to take up the cudgels in favour of someone with whom we have no bonds of allegiance, and no apparent common cause, against someone about whom we know little more than that they have accused a man of egregious behaviour? We know, as men, that lust is real and that sexual abuse up to and including rape and sexually motivated murder does occur. We have no rational grievance against the accusers and they are not attacking us. And as to their veracity, we have no evidential basis for doubt.

Those of us who do this do great damage, making it hard to retain the level of objectivity that the criminal law needs in these circumstances. That very word “objectivity” will raise hackles in this context but I will not apologise for it. The accusations are of vile conduct. The consequences of them being proved to be true will (unless, like Epstein, living as he did in a very corrupt country, you can afford to buy your way out of them) be loss of liberty and ignominy. To deal justly with them, the law rightly requires proof to a high standard. But that no more justifies us in vilifying the accusers and witnesses than it justifies assuming the accused man’s guilt without examining the evidence. The two assumptions polarise the situation, limiting our chances of reaching an informed judgment, limiting, in the wider context, our chances of uncovering behaviour that dishonours us all. And in the process they leave genuine victims of abuse stranded and unaided, insult heaped upon injury.

So it is this question that bugs me: in tabloid terms, the question why we feel so vehemently defensive of the super-rich playboy and his decadent lifestyle.

One possibility is that the allegations trigger fear that the same fate could await us. I don’t buy that. Okay, the phenomenon of “copycat” offending is well-documented: that a particularly lurid or exciting crime will provoke a spate of similar crimes by those anxious for public notoriety. There is even some evidence of copycat victimhood: that a desperate need to belong and to be afforded public sympathy will lead someone to cling to the coattails of an accusation with unfounded claims to have suffered the same.

But if you are living an ordinary, basically decent life of the kind we mostly do, one in which the women around you are also decent and not known to be predatory or vindictive, why would you be triggered by accusations made against a man whose life bears little or no resemblance to yours into believing that there but for the grace of God (or the Devil) go you? That requires more than empathy. It requires paranoia.

The real answer to the dilemma phenomenon is, I believe, cultural. Not one overarching culture but two.

In some older cultures, men have had instilled in them from an early age that they are not simply entitled to lord it over women, entitled to a woman’s subservience to the satisfaction of their drives, but duty bound to do so. From what I have observed, these are cultures mainly governed by religion. It may seem paradoxical that religion, supposedly that which keeps us on the moral strait and narrow, invites and even dictates the entirely immoral subjugation of one half of the human species but that appears to be the case and from an atheistic standpoint it is not surprising that one form of irrationality should spawn another.

Even within these oppressive cults, there will be many men who privately do not like this edict, who have grown up to respect their female associates, friends and partners. But religion is a powerful force and a deadly enemy to make. And so these men will acquiesce, publicly at least.

But in the West, the noisy lunacy of American “Christian” fundamentalism apart, we have become mostly secular. We do not have the excuse for mistreating women that it is God’s will.

What we do have, however, is a very powerful secular religion. It is called Consumerism and we have been brought up to worship at its altar since midway through the 20thCentury.

Other religions may extol virtuous behaviour. Consumerism has only one commandment: envy. In its name thou shalt indeed covet thy neighbour’s ox. And his lawnmower, flat screen TV, stupidly large and expensive 4x4 and, while thou art about it, his wife and kids. Envy breeds dissatisfaction with one’s lot. Dissatisfaction can be harnessed to fuel buying. Buying makes profits for those who are selling.

Consumerism would fail if we were all satisfied with what we had. So it has to ensure that we are never satisfied.

But it can’t be left to chance. It can’t depend on us looking longingly over the fence at our neighbours’ meagre piles and wanting to be like them (or to have what will make them want what we have). It needs to be constantly feeding us the image of a life that is “better” than ours - richer, more fun, more free. A life with all the trimmings and trappings. A life designed to make our own feel mundane but a life that also is desirable and, importantly, purchasable. We have to be able to dream that this could be us if we spend enough.

Advertising is the answer. But not just the gaudy billboard or the 30 second shout out that this washing powder washes whiter. We have to be shown the life and the people leading it, shown that they are having a great time. That is what the cult of celebrity is designed to do. That is what Hollywood and TV are designed to do. That is what they have been doing – doing to us – for decades. Rich, “handsome” men have been getting off with “beautiful” women in luxury hotels and apartments and driving off to expensive meals or glittering casinos in shiny limousines and phallic sports cars, wearing tuxes and long, revealing gowns, Rolexes and jewels before our eyes. In flickering celluloid, and more recently in glorious HD, pretty young women have been raised from shop girl and chorus girl to luxurious, ornamental indolence. And we have lapped it up not realising that this escapism is simply escape to a land of longing and disenchantment.

“… all the pretty people

They're all drinking, thinking that they've got it made

Exchanging all precious gifts”

Bob Dylan, Like a Rolling Stone (1965)

But then it spills out into real life and turns really ugly. Branson with his island made of our money. Bezos with his $165m mansion bought with a small part of the fortune he made by crushing the lives of his employees.  The squat, portly figure of Sir Philip Green waddling around his £100m yacht paid for by exploiting working people while selling them cheap take-offs of the clothes celebrities wear. An over-cooked turkey on stubby human legs, nobody surely could find him attractive except the assumedly bought trophy tottie that seem always to surround him. Weinstein. Epstein...

We see people like these and we tell ourselves they are “living the dream”. If we had any judgment we might be saying, “No, they are living a decadent and empty fantasy at our expense”, and some of us do, only, ironically, to be told that we are the ones engaging in the politics of envy. Because who wouldn’t want to be them if he or she had the chance. We have been brought up to aspire to their way of life and, if, as most of us have no chance of doing, we cannot emulate it, to envy, rather than deprecate, it.

But there is an even darker side to this. The old Hollywood of glitteringly empty lives was for a while quite prim. Fred Astaire just wanted to dance in a top hat and tails with Ginger Rodgers. Cary Grant just wanted to win back Kathryn Hepburn. Rock Hudson charmingly conspired to win over Doris Day. But then some bright soul realised that sex sells. Most of us live fairly restrained lives in terms of the satisfaction of appetites. But that is not because we have small appetites. And someone worked out that this was a very potent motherlode of repressed envy just waiting to be added to Consumerism’s engine. Look, they said, if you are very, ostentatiously, rich, women will actually want to let you do sex on them.

Think for a moment about the term “playboy”.  What a clever euphemism, the association of “play” – harmless, fun activity - and “boy” - a young and carefree male. It sounds like something you would want to be. In reality, it describes a wealthy male who leads a debauched life centred around the careless demeaning and objectifying of women. What a good marketing effort the creation of that word was. By dint of it, and all the drooling publicity they get, we see Epstein and Weinstein and their like and feel not distaste but that frisson of envy for all that they have, not just the baubles but the bodies too. Our cynically stimulated frustrations want what they are having. We do not want to know that their way of life is actually shot through with depravity.

And that is my answer to the question I posed: “… why we feel defensive of the super-rich playboy and his decadent lifestyle…”. It is because Consumerism has instilled it into us. we have been brain-washed into believing that this conspicuous consumption, of property and people, is what we really, really want for ourselves. And that in challenging him, in holding him to account, a killjoy society is tearing down our own hopes and dreams. Because that is what we have come to believe they are. We would rather deny the reality and keep the dream, even if it costs his victims their happiness, their peace of mind, their reputations and in some cases their lives.

If only we could open our eyes and see that, so far from “living the dream”, the super-rich playboy is perpetuating our own nightmare.

#epstein #depravity #Consumerism #living the dream