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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 4 months

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Don't Speak 35

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, stalking, manipulation, reclusive behaviour, disordered eating, dissociation, allusions to abuse, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Reader is a reclusive loner who ventures down to the library on a simple mission. Her task is complicated by the man she meets there. (f!short!reader)

Character: librarian!Andy Barber

Note: we got that xmas hangover.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. Take care. 💖

You get to the bottom of your glass before you’re even done your sides. You pick at the white meat and smear it into the puddle of gravy that floods the plate. Each bite is better than the last, easing that tenuous knot in your stomach. You haven’t eaten like this in weeks.

“More wine?” Steve offers as he grabs the bottle again, topping up his own glass before gesturing to your own.

Andy clears his throat as you look up. For a moment, there was only you and the plate. A soft fog limns the edges of your vision and dampens your worries. You peek around as Amber leans in from your other side.

“I’ll take some more if there’s enough,” Amber shifts her glass over, a mouthful still in the belly, “it’s so good. I’ll have to take a picture of the label.”

Her arm touches yours. She’s giving you permission, more so encouraging you. Is it so bad to enjoy yourself? Even Andy said today is special. A little bit of wine isn’t so bad. You barely feel any different.

“Sure, I’ll… I’ll have a bit more, please.”

Andy sniffs but you refuse to look at him again. You caught the glint of his disapproval before. He’s never happy with anything you do unless it’s… that. Steve pours the golden wine into your glass, then Amber’s, only a small amount left in the bottom as he sets the bottle down.

You chew on a gristly portion of meat, the clink of cutlery filling the strained silence. Amber sighs and takes a drink, carefully placing the flat base of her glass on the table. She swallow as stirs her mashed potatoes.

“So, you said you were almost done your painting?” She begins, “I’ll have to check it out after dinner.”

“Mm,” Andy grumbles, “garage gets pretty cold this time of year.”

“I’ll put a coat on,” Amber shrugs, “I’d love to see what you’ve been working on. You know I always love your art. Actually…” you can tell she’s rambling, out of nervousness, but more to fill the lull, “I was hoping you might make me something, if you have the time.”

“I could…” you begin.

“She can give you a quote,” Andy intones curtly. Your eyes flick over to him, surprised. “Can’t make much off a hobby.”

“Oh, of course, I wouldn’t presume,” Amber says, “materials plus work.”

“I hate to overstep but I’d love to have a look as well,” Steve says.

Your eyes round and you nod, cheeks hot at the prospect of showing them. Your work is always so personal and this piece feels even more so. Your first major commission and it’s almost done. It’s a real accomplishment, how did you not see that before?

“Sure,” you gulp.

“After the banana pudding of course,” Amber insists, “save some room, bub.”

You smile as your stomach squeezes tight. If you eat much more, you won’t have room for dessert. You reach for your glass to wash down the stuffing. The wine makes you feel hollow, it gives you room for more.

“Lot of sugar,” Andy comments.

“It’s Thanksgiving,” Amber shrugs, “what’s a few extra calories? Besides, it's tradition.”

“Your tradition,” Andy snips.

“Well, if you don’t want any, more for us, right, bub?” She nudges you gently with her elbow.

You nod, “it’s my favourite.”

“Bub?” Andy scoffs, “she’s an adult.”

Amber sits back sharply and hovers her fork over her plate. She stares at Andy as he glares back. Tension roils between them.

“And I’m so proud of her,” her words drip with venom, "she’s come so far. Steve,” she looks at the therapist as he watches with arched brows, “thank you so much for all you’ve done for my sister. I see how far she’s come.”

“She’s a strong woman,” Steve leans on an elbow and lifts his glass, “she’s doing all the heavy lifting.”

Your chest flutters as you kick your legs in giddiness. The smile he aims at you takes your breath away. It feels good to have someone proud of you, but him? It’s amazing. You feel like you could do anything, that he truly believes that you can.

“Thanks,” you squeak and take another drink.

Andy huffs and sits back. Your gaze meets his as you swallow and pull the crystal rim away from your lip. You lick away the glisten of wine as he watches you. Your glee quickly dissipates as the heat of the alcohol mingles with the blaze of his chagrin. You’re almost annoyed by it.

Why can’t he just be happy? Everyone else is.

🕊️

“Good job,” Amber preens as you slice fresh banana, “whipped cream is ready.”

She lines up the four clear bowls on the counter as she stands beside you. She pulls close the bowl of banana pudding and spoons it into each. You can smell the banana-ey goodness. It makes your wine-coated stomach growl.

“Then some cream,” she dollops some of the whipped cream onto each, “and then,” she slides a bowl your way, “you can add as many slices as you like.”

You arrange five slices on the first bowl; one in the center and four around the edge. She passes the next bowl and you do the same. She adds a spoon to each and spins one in admiration.

“Alright, we’ll get it on the tray,” she declares.

You nod, stifling a yawn. Your eyes are itchy as the large meal weighs down your stomach. You could nap right then and there. The wine’s glimmery effect doesn’t help your state as you feel slightly off kilter after two and a half glasses.

She loads up the rectangle tray with the bowls, then pulls over a round one. She places the full teapot beside the coffee urn, then stacks four cups on it, alongside some spoons, the sugar bowl, and a small jug of dairy.

“You got that,” she gestures to the pudding.

You grab the tray and slide it to the edge of the counter. Your fingers loop through the slots in the side and you lift it, focusing on keeping it all steady. You smile as Amber balances the tray of drinks.

“You feeling okay?” She asks.

“Yes,” you chirp, “I’m excited for the pudding.”

She laughs and shakes her head, “always were easy to please.”

She leads you into the front room. The football game buzzes on as Andy sits with his chin in his hand, elbow on the armrest, and Steve stands by the mantel, playing with the signed baseball. It’s stolidly silent beneath the drone of sport commentators.

“Coffee, tea,” Amber places her tray on the low table, “and my famous banana pudding. Well, she did most of the work.”

She turns and smiles at you. You look around as you falter. You just stare dumbly, unsure of what to do next.

Steve makes you flinch as he approaches, “may I?” He waves a hand towards the tray in your arms. You nod and he takes one with a thanks. “Mmm, smells and looks delicious.”

He backs away, cradling the bowl with one hand as he stirs the spoon around. You turn awkwardly and march over to Andy. You offer the tray and his dull gaze drifts to you. He sits back and lets his arm fall straight over the armrest.

“I’m full,” he says.

You wince and look down. Oh. You just stand there.

“Here,” Amber comes up and touches your elbow, “let me get this.”

You spin, startled, and the bowls slide over the tray. One flips over the edge as Amber catches the tray and the pudding splatters onto the carpet around your feet. You squeak and look down as your sister takes the tray from your grasp. She sets it by the coffee and tea as you step back and gape at the mess.

“Jesus…” Andy sighs as he leans forward to take in the mess.

“Accidents happen,” Amber takes your hand and guides you away from the pudding, “no big loss…” she gets down to scoop up the globs with her bare hand back into the bowl, “you’re not having any and nothing broke.”

You look between them. Andy scowls as Amber is unbothered. She gathers up the sticky mess and stands.

“I’ll go grab some paper towel,” she says.

“That’s gonna be hard to get out,” Andy glowers at the carpet.

“I can get it out,” Amber assures, “don’t let me ruin dessert.”

She strolls out and you hear her clinking in the kitchen. She appears again with the roll of paper towel and a bowl of water. She gets down and starts her tedious work of trying to sop up the remnants.

“You know, it didn’t get too deep,” Amber says as she works.

You watch her and sway, putting a heel back to keep yourself steady. You cover your mouth and swallow a burp. Your sister looks up at your looming figure.

“Have some pudding, bub.”

You murmur, something indiscernible. It’s hard to move as you feel Andy watching you. You know you messed up again. That he’s upset. He won’t eat the pudding and now you’ve gone and made a mess.

You tremble as you feel an ache inside. For an instant, you feel smothered, as if you're being held down.

“It’s good,” Steve encourages as he shows half a banana slice on his spoon, “thanks, girls.”

You try to smile at him but can’t. Instead, you claim a bowl but your excitement is gone. You flop onto the couch, catching your spoon before it can tip over the edge, and rest the bowl in your lap. You’re going to be good and eat your pudding. You can’t get in trouble if you focus on that.

“She’s drunk,” Andy accuses as your spoon clacks loudly on the side of the bowl.

“She’s fine,” Amber insists as she wets the paper towel, “really, she had two glasses, she’ll survive.”

“She doesn’t drink,” he retorts.

“What number is that?” She glances at the green bottle by his elbow, “three? Four? You said it yourself, she’s an adult.”

He snarls, “do you always come into people’s houses and argue with them?”

She tuts and shakes her head. She says nothing though you see her response clenched in her jaw. She continues her work, drying up the patch with a folded square of paper towel before standing. She disappears into the kitchen and returns.

She grabs a bowl and sits between you and Andy. She leans over as you stir your pudding but don’t taste it. You’re embarrassed and your appetite is gone.

“Come on, bub, it’s your favourite,” she coaxes.

You sniffle, only then feeling the prick in your eyes. Andy’s right, you’re drunk. You don’t feel good. You’re dizzy and tired and you just want to hide.

“I’m sorry…” you babble.

“Aw, bub, it’s okay. You can always save it for later,” she assures you, “do you need some water?”

“I told you, you gave her too much wine–”

“Andrew,” Amber snaps as she whips her head around, “she’s fine. We’re fine. I got it.”

“Don’t talk to me like that. In my home,” Andy girds.

“Everyone, chill out,” Steve puts his empty bowl on the tray, “you’re both stressing her out. That’s all. She’s fine,” he nears the couch, “how about we get some fresh air, huh?”

Amber looks up at Steve, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t meaning to–”

“No, don’t be,” he assures as he gently takes the bowl from your hands, “it’s part of therapy. One of her exercises. She gets overstimulated.”

“Oh?” Amber looks at you and back to the doctor, “yeah, she… does.”

“I suggest the both of you take a few breaths as well,” he chuckles as he helps you stand, “we’ll be a couple minutes.” He touches your arm as you get to your feet, barely feeling your own body move, “hey, how about we get your coat on and go outside?”

Your eyes flick up and you nod blankly. You don’t really understand what he’s saying, you just know he wants to get you away from this. You wish they could just get along. You wish you didn’t cause all this trouble.

“I’m sorry, bub,” Amber says.

“You two,” Steve points at your sister then Andy, “talk this out.”

Silence, sweltering and suffocating pervades the room as the doctor leads you out. Only the television continues to blare as he stops you in the entryway and pulls a coat onto your shoulders. He gets down to lead your feet into your boots and then puts on his own.

He opens the front door and shuffles you outside. The autumnal air sweeps around you and you pull the coat snug against the shiver that rolls through you. You look down as a swell of woodsy scent tickles your nostrils. It’s his coat. It’s loose on you but warm.

You look up at Steve as he stands, unaffected in the thick wool of his sweater. He puts his hand on your shoulder and squeezes, “tough day.”

“I… I am drunk,” you admit.

“That’s fine,” his hand trails down your arm, “you’re allowed to indulge, sweetheart. And a day like this, who wouldn’t?”

“He’s mad,” you say.

“Let him be.”

“But…”

“The both of them are too stubborn for their own good. They both love you but they can’t see past that. They shouldn’t be fighting for your love, they need to share it,” he runs his hand back up as you teethe your lip. He touches your cheek, the warmth of his fingertips making you shudder, “but I can’t blame them. You’re a special girl, who wouldn’t want all of you?”

You bat your lashes up at him. Huh? You don’t know what he means, but it feels good. Everything he says is just so wonderful.

He smiles at you, his fingertips dancing along your jaw. You gaze up at him, hypnotized by his deep blue eyes. In that moment, you feel drawn to him, magnetized by his touch. He steps closer and you quiver again. His eyes fall to your legs as you rub them together, the cold wind gusting up your short skirt.

“Oh, you must be freezing,” he drops his hand back to your shoulders, “you’d be much cozier in one of your cute little sweaters huh?”

You nod, dumbly. You can’t speak. You can only think about the weight of his large hand on his shoulder. You think about the vibrator in your drawer…

“Here, you need this,” he surprises you as he pulls you close, embracing you against the chill, “it’s amazing what a good hug can do.”

You stand stiff and stunned. His scent rises from his sweater and from the coat around your shoulders. You’re consumed by it and the heat rippling off of him. You let yourself sink into him, bending your arms slowly to hug him back. Something you’ve never really done with anyone but Amber.

“It’ll be okay, sweetheart,” he coos as he rocks you, “you’re doing really good. Don’t let them ruin all your hard work.” He pets your head and nuzzles your hair, “you’re a very good girl,” he purrs, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Dr. Kemp,” you press your cheek against his chest and close your eyes, a smile dimpling into your cheeks.

“Alright, so you keep being good for me, sweetheart,” he strokes down the back of your neck, “when we go back in, you’re going to be strong, right?”

“Yes, doctor,” you murmur.

“Good girl,” he praises again, gently releasing you and leaving you even colder than before, “I know you care about both of them but remember, you can tell them no.” He drags his hand around you frame your face, “I think they need to hear it.” He drops his hand, turning his palm up as he turns halfway back to the door, “ready?”

You reach for his hand and squeeze it, facing the suburban facade, “I’m strong,” you repeat, “I’m gonna be good.”

#andy barber #dark andy barber #dark!andy barber #andy barber x reader #steve kemp #defending jacob #fresh #au #library au #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #don't speak #series

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drdocttor · 6 months

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my only hobby is media consumption, so yes i finally watched bullet train it was amazing i liked the part where tangerine and lemon existed. whoever did the casting definitely had me and only me in mind

#bullet train #bullet train fanart #tangerine #lemon

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mask131 · 1 year

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Thinking about it, I do believe that the big misunderstandings of the Greek gods on the Internet today (or in media recently) is due to a problem of... let’s say “character VS personification”.

People have grown too much accustomed to the consumption of Greek myths and legends as... not so much “stories” but... as fiction. Which leads them to treat the Greek gods as characters of tales and stories. Which leads people to treat them like... well, like people. Like full humans. Thinking about their actions only in terms of human/social/psychological reasons and consequences. And people forget the very essence and nature of the gods...

The Greek gods are personifications. They are allegories, and their actions always reflect their actual nature as a part of the world or a human phenomenon. It is true that when you read the Greek myths as they reached us today, you will read what seems to be stories about super-humans, because said stories were given to us through epic poems and theater plays. But there was a whole theology and religious thinking behind those myths (to the point some of the ancient litetature of the Greeks was criticized by religious authorities for deviating from their actual beliefs) ; and there was an entire philosophy surrounding those myths. Literal philosophy - with Ancient Greek philosophers not only re-reading and interpreting the myths in the lights of their teaching, but also inventing their own “philosophical myths”. The Greeks had time to read and rewrite and discuss their own myths and stories for centuries and centuries - and thus these stories ended up with numerous layers of meaning and interpretations woven through them.

Which is why to fully understand a myth, one must look behind the simple story. A god in the story is never just a character, but always something else. Poseidon is a grudge-holding, monster-birthing deity prone to mood swings which place him alternatively as an ally or an antagonist - but it isn’t just because “he is like that”. He is like that BECAUSE he is the god of the sea, and the Greeks, as sailors and explorers and island-dwellers, knew very well that the sea was a changing and treacherous thing, the sailor’s best friend and worst enemy at the same time. The fact that Apollo is at the same time the god of truth, the god of beauty and the god of art isn’t just because it’s his hobbies - it is because for the Greek all these concepts were inter-connected, art being beauty, the truth being beautiful, the best art being the truthful art, etc... And as a result myths are always about something else than their own story. The most famous case being Persephone’s abduction. People keep treating it as just being a love story - forgetting that, beyond the story of a guy in love with a girl and a mother worried for her missing girl, it is actually also a fable for the brutality anf unfairness of death striking young people, and how a mother can deal with her grief. It is literaly the story of “Kore” (which isn’t a proper name, but just means “maiden” or “young girl”), being ravished by Hades (whose name is ALSO the name of the Underworld), of a young girl plunged from the world of the living to the world of the dead, and a distressed mother crying for her disappeared daughter...

I can list on and on the examples, but I think you get my point. Yes, it is nice to know the story. It is better to try to understand them. The topic came when I read something about Zeus recently... It talked about the gods embodying “order” - and it listed Zeus, for after all he was the ruler of the cosmos, punisher of wicked ones and fighter of monsters, the god of justice overseeing all oaths and the basic principles of Greek society... But this text added that however, his behavior character wise was “much more chaotic”. Notably pointing out towards Zeus’ wild behavior around females of all kinds. It is true that a serial cheater with a HUGE number of lovers of all kinds, and lots of “bastard children” everywhere seems to contradict his role as a god maintaining order and morals... But again, the key is looking beyond that. Yes, Zeus is massively unfaithful on his wife and seemingly can’t keep his thunderbolt in his pants - if you pardon me the expression. But the question that nobody asks is... Why is he like that? Why does he do that? Just because he is a horny guy? That’s the superficial explanation, that’s the joke explanation. That’s not what the Ancien Greeks would have answered you. This precise topic is one I like to reuse frequently because it illustrates perfectly something that feels natural to those that read about Greek mythology from experts, and yet can seem like a sudden mindblow for those that only know Greeks myths from popular fiction.

I do not recall where exactly I read this explanation - but I am certain it was in one of the books about Greek myths written by famous French experts, so it was probably from Jean-Pierre Vernant or Pierre Grimal, or someone of those waters. Why is Zeus such a horny dog? We have to think about his titles. “Father of Men and Father of Gods”. It isn’t just a nickname or a title, it describes what he does: he birthed most of the major Greek gods, and he birthed many ancestors of humanity. It also makes you think: what was Zeus’ first action when he became king of the cosmos, when he took over the world after fighting the Titans? He married, several times, and had numerous lovers, with which he birthed some very important gods. Through sex he actually created important elements needed for the world. Not counting the other Olympian gods, he gave birth at the beginning of his reign to the Arts (Muses), the Seasons (Horae) and Fate itself (the Moirai), basis for the civilized world and an ordered, stable cosmos. And who are the other children of Zeus, all those “bastards” children he got out of being unfaithful? Heroes. Heroes who build principles of civilization, heroes who destroyed monsters, heroes who threw down criminals and tyrants. Good things. That’s the thing with Zeus: he constantly lusts after women, yes, and he constantly has sex, yes... but most of the time, if not always, it is to create something good. He keeps procreating beings, things and people needed for the universe to form itself, for civilization to form itself, for the world to get better and evil/chaos to be defeated. Herakles and Athena and Perseus... Even through his unfaithfulness, Zeus keeps creating new agents and champions of order, law and justice.

It is in fact quite interesting to look at Tumblr here, because on Tumblr there are favorite deities who are depicted right because people love them enough to go dig into their symbolism and their religious festivals and their philosophical meaning. Dionysos is the one that comes to mind. And then other deities whose deeper meaning gets thrown out of the window.

A good counterpart to Greek mythology, in the approach of “character vs personification”, is Norse mythology. Because the Norse gods, as depicted and represented in mythological texts such as the Eddas, are actually “characters before the personifications”, the reverse of Greek gods which are “personifications which were given character”. I am not saying that the Norse gods aren’t personifications, that would be a stupid claim. But what I am saying is... Often people try to enter Norse mythology asking “So, this god, what is he the god OF?” because they assume Norse gods are like Greek gods, defined by their field of action and what they represent or rule over. When in truth, the Norse gods are defined by who they are, not so much by what they are. Odin is the one-eyed wanderer, and the eight-legged horse-rider king of the Aesir, and the cunning rune-master ruling over Valhalla. Thor is the very strong god, and the hammer-wielding jötunn killer riding on a goat-chariot, and the red-haired hero of Asgard who fears nothing and fished Jormungandr out of the sea once. Everybody knows today that Thor is the god of thunder and lightning - but it isn’t said, or explicitely spelled out in most of the Old Norse texts. It is not like Zeus who is explicitely said to use thunderbolts on his ennemies - Thor’s hammer doesn’t have lightning shooting out of it. To get this, to get what a Norse god is the “god of”, there is a work of research that needs to be done. For a Greek god it can be obvious due to their attributes and names (Hestia for example - her name literaly means “hearth” and she started out as the hearth being venerated, before being personified). For a Norse god, to get the “what” of the deity, you will need to look at the archeological remains of the religion and cult of Norsemen, you will need to theorize based on the etymology of the deity’s name and its relationships, you will need to collect the kennings and local expressions and other folk-sayings and interpret them. It is a para-characterization that isn’t obvious, or sometimes doesn’t even appear, in the Norse texts per se. Because in the Norse legends as they came to us, the gods are mostly defined as characters - by their function (guardian, warrior, king), by what they do (power to see far-away, power to know the future), by what they look like (missing one hand, or golden hair)... For exampe, for a very long time it was thought that Loki was the god of fire. It was a strong, popular and famous interpretation - but research and experts have proven that it is a late re-interpretation of the deity, who originally probably didn’t had anything to do with fire and was just mixed up with other fire-figures (like Logi) with time, the same way Loki was mixed with Utgard-Loki as a “master of illusions”.

This phenomenon of inversion can be summed up quite easily. In Greek mythology, we have TONS of secondary and tertiary deities who are basically personifications without any kind of legend or myth to them, uncharacterized allegories that sometimes are just a name appearing in a list of concept. In Norse mythology, you have tons of secondary and tertiary deities without myths or legends, who are just names in a list - but this time, we have their names, we have a basic characterization, we know who they are, and the problem is that we don’t know what they are supposed to represent. You have tons of small Norse gods about whom people keep asking and searching “What did they embody? What did they personify?”. The character without the personification.

#greek mythology #norse mythology #greek gods #norse gods #poseidon #zeus #persephone #thor #loki #dionysos

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ace-of-gay · 1 year

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Its okay to be small

Doctor strange x little reader

1,158 words

Edited to the best of my ability

Warnings: age regression, little one feeling anxiety, little names like pumpkin, cartoons and stuffies

Pronouns: none

weight mentioned: none

No skin color or hair type mentioned

You are responsible for your own media consumption especially when theres warnings, dont like it? Dont read it, age regression is a therapist reccomend coping mechanism if you have an issue with it than ignore it.

《~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~》

With abilities similar to his and Wanda’s but not physically the same you found it better to stay in a building that was safe for your well being where you could openly use your abilities at free will without any repercussion.

Originally you and strange were just close friends but after several years of living with one another his hear found something more in you now that he had freed his mind of Christine, of course he was happy for her but it was finally his time to feel happy with someone.

He felt so much more himself when he finally got the courage to ask you out, since than everything has felt perfect… well mostly perfect.

You desperately wanted him to know about your coping mechanism but past relationships had ended specifically because of it, thankfully he was a very respectful and understanding person so when it came to your personal room he never entered knowing there want anything important in there for him to know about, he just assumed it was a quiet space or a hobby room, if he really wanted to know he would just ask.

That is until today.

He had left for a four day mission, its only been two so as it was you still have two days where you can openly regress around the sanctum with no question, as Wong was on a little mission of his own.

While the fox and the hound play on your tv to fill the silence, you sit on the floor with your collections of build a bears and other stuffie’s akin and all the bear clothing you’ve collected sprawled out on the floor, dressing and undressing them making each one look perfect, paring them up with one another making buddies, friends and significant others, you were originally just gonna play dress up with them but that got put to the side when you imagined them at an avengers like party, lucky you have avengers outfits for your bears so its perfect, taking your favorite teddy’s you make them look like captain America, iron man, black widow, and a few of the others, not having all of the costumes but that’s okay.

You pick the meanest looking teddy, you have him walking around in the collection of all the others when he gets big and mean, you imagine him yelling and than in comes all the avengers quickly getting everyone to safety, the bad bear is trying to hold his side but the avengers taking him down easily.

After that the game was basically done so you pick up two of your favorite stuffies who are always paired together making them fly around the room, the room being fairly large you had plenty of space to walk around as if you’re chasing them.

You had no idea strange was home early, he had called out for you several times, walking around the main rooms looking for you, when he finally heard your giggles and trills and the soft murmur of a movie in the background.

You making sound effects, you were so lost in your world and it intrigued him, he had knocked three different times and you apparently hadn’t heard it so he opened the door just enough to check in on you, what he saw didn’t entirely surprise him, he knew you had trauma from several places in your life especially abandonment so it made sense that being here alone would need coping mechanisms. He knows exactly what age regression is, a smile big on his face and his heart swelling with love as you walk around your room following your stuffies as you make them fly, with a flick of his hand their movements were now in his control.

Flying them wildly around the room causing you to chase them around the room trying to get them back.

Surely your stuffies had grown minds of their own and were actually playing with you, that was what you thought until your foot caught the edge of the rug and sent you falling forward, pulling your arms to your chest and your eyes clenching shut, this is why you don’t want to be an avenger, you freeze, when you’re in danger your mind blanks and expects the fall. Why haven’t you fallen you question, opening your eyes you see an orange glow surrounding your.

Looking over to the door in a panic your body rushes cold, this cant happen, he cant see you like this.

He uses his magic to carefully set you down on the center of the rug as he steps further into the room.

He sees the panic in your eyes and the silent tears running down your cheeks, you’re curling in on yourself, he picks up one of the two stuffies from the floor bringing it to you, you scooting back, your mind clouded with everything that has happened in the past when people found out about your regression, his demeanor meant nothing in the face of admitting what you’re doing.

“I’m sorry” you mutter, he bends down to you, sitting on his haunches, going to place one hand under your chin, your eyes clenching shut until you feel the gentlest touch, the slightest tremor lifting your look, “my love, its okay, there is no need to hide or fear from me”

He moves to put the stuffy in your lap, taking both hands to wipe away your tears, moving to sit down on the floor, pulling you into his lap, holding you close, hushing your whimpers, slowly but surely soothing you back to a calm sense.

Looking up at him once again, feeling slightly bigger than before but still small, “how d’you know bout it?”.

“Pumpkin, you’re not the first little I’ve met, its very common for people in constant high stress and trauma to cope by regressing, its especially common with mental illness and chronic pain”.

“S’that why you so nice right now?”

Chuckling to himself shaking his head, “my love, that may be one of many reasons but its not the big one, the big one is because I love you, there is nothing of you that would upset or bother me, if being small is what helps than I support you ten fold”

A smile slowly casting Its way across your cheeks, turning into him, wrapping your arms tightly around him, it was finally okay to be you, you can finally feel completely and utterly yourself.

“Thank you” you whisper. “There is no need to thank me my love. Can you tell me how old you are?”

Shaking your head than letting it rest upon his shoulder “dunno how old, m’ jus small but not tiny right now”.

Nodding while rubbing your back, “that’s okay well figure it all out together”.

The rest of your day was filled with plenty of cuddles, cartoons and nap together.

This felt entirely like a new possibility of happiness.

《~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~》

Thank you so much @hera4venenosa for letting me write this for you! <3

And thank you @shiny-purple-pizza-eater for helping me make decisions on where they live and what theyre doing <3

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rollercoasterwords · 1 year

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your fanfic doesn't need to be Content

ok so thanks to this lovely anonymous message i've been motivated to organize my thoughts on the increasingly common phenomenon of fanfic writers treating their own fics like Content for consumption, the way an influencer on social media might (all of this is in the context of the marauders fandom specifically -- no idea how or whether it might apply elsewhere)

what i mean by that is, essentially, instances of fanfic writers playing into the idea that fanfiction is a product created for the consumption of readers (and thereby the idea that fandom is a community that can be clearly divided between "producers"/writers and "consumers"/readers).

some examples i've seen: people "advertising" their fics on platforms like tiktok, sometimes even before they've started writing said fic ("hey guys i'm going to start writing a fic with x y z who's interested??"), or making posts asking outright "if i wrote a fic with x y z would people read it??" i've also seen people share concerns that if they write a certain thing they want to write (i.e, heavy smut, heavy angst, etc) then it will make their fic less "accessible" to a broader audience ("i want everyone to be able to enjoy my fics!")

another recent example that comes to mind is the "jegulus strike." while i'm sure it was largely well-intentioned, a strike is a form of protest tied inextricably to a consumer economy, and positioning writers as laborers who are standing in opposition to readers demanding that labor reinforces the framework of a consumer economy in which fanfiction is a product for consumption.

something i want to make clear here--i'm not saying that any of these behaviors are like....Moral Failings deserving of Ridicule. i think we are all very much conditioned by late-stage capitalism + algorithmic social media to view everything, even our hobbies, within the framework of a consumer economy. this is just me observing some of the ways i see that mindset creeping into fandom spaces.

like. i think there's this unspoken assumption that art is only worthwhile if it has an audience; that creative pursuits only matter if you can profit from them. if people are applying this mindset to fanfiction, then it makes sense to see this impulse to advertise fics the way authors advertise their books on tiktok, or twitter, or whatever. it makes sense for writers to become preoccupied with audience perception, perhaps changing their stories to make them more palatable for a certain audience or even going into the writing process with the audience already in mind--an overhanging and ever-present anxiety, asking yourself "how will this be received?"

the problem is that fanfiction doesn't fit into this model. it has always been meant for a niche audience, never the mainstream, and it has always existed outside the profit economy. trying to turn fanfiction into broadly consumable content is antithetical to the medium itself, and, in all likelihood, will fail. the vast majority of fanfiction is never going to be read by hundreds of thousands of people. if you go into writing it with an audience as your end goal, you will likely be disappointed.

what makes fanfiction so wonderful and unique is that it is meant to be written, first and foremost, for the writer. fanfiction as a medium grew out of personal joy in creation, out of individuals who thought "I want to see this story for myself" and then wrote it. because fanfiction is specific, catered to individual tastes and niche audiences, it lends itself to a unique sort of community in which your work attracts other people with that same niche taste, making it easier to strike up a conversation or start a friendship by saying, "hey, i love this story you wrote for yourself! it just so happens to be the exact sort of thing i wanted to read."

so i guess at the end of the day, my question for other fic writers is: if nobody was ever going to read this, would you still want to write it?

and if the answer is no...i think that's something that calls for reflection! where is your motivation rooted? is it rooted in a desire to create, in the joy of creation? or is it rooted in a desire to be seen, to be validated? wanting to be seen and validated is entirely natural, and it is by no means a bad thing. oftentimes, both these impulses--creation and validation--will be part of the decision to write + post a fic. but if validation is your primary motivation, and if you have internalized the idea that validation means getting as many people as possible to look at the thing you're making and click a heart button, then you will probably end up disappointed. you will probably end up feeling like your writing isn't good enough, no matter how many people end up reading it--because no audience will ever be big enough to validate you if you aren't able to take pride in your creation independent of any metrics of consumption.

i'm not saying that you should never share your fics on social media. like i mentioned above, community is one of the best parts of fanfiction--but are you posting in search of community? or are you posting in search of an audience? i know the line can get blurry sometimes, but i do think those two things look different, and i do think it is productive to look inwards and ask what you are truly seeking when you throw your writing into the void of social media posts. and i think as writers it's important not to fall into the trap of acting like our fics are a product intended for audience consumption, because to do so contributes to the deterioration of a fandom culture that is separate from the profit economy. plus, i just think all of us would be happier if we started trying to actively unlearn the idea that art is only worthwhile if it manages to amass a huge audience.

#art is worthwhile because it's art!!!#creations matter because the act of creation holds value!!!#anyway. this is something ive spent a lot of time reflecting on personally #and i think it's a good thing for anyone writing fanfiction to reflect on!!#like it's completely valid to want people to read ur writing #but if that is the DRIVING FORCE behind why ur writing....it probably won't be sustainable in the long run #ranting and raving

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imslowlydisintegrating · 3 months

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take a step into the diner...

welcome to evvy’s diner! here you will find tasty morsels and sweet tea ᵔᴗᵔ

my name is evvy (full name evangeline) but i love nicknames of all variety, and do be aware i am a minor! i'm sapphic, asexual, genderfluid and use they/he/she pronouns.

^ pronouns page linked above

the owner is...

scatterbrained & forgetful - he might forget to answer when you ask something

open to being tapped on the shoulder for a little game

searching for the artists & writers & musicians of the world

get to know the owner!

favorite shows/movies: adventure time, arcane, scott pilgrim takes off, spider-verse(s), bullet train, jurassic park/world franchise, blue eye samurai - she's generally a big film enjoyer ❤

now playing on our screens: static.

favorite books: ace of spades (faridah àbíké-íyímídé; stand alone), sakamoto days (yuto suzuki; manga series), the watchmaker of filigree street/the lost future of pepperharrow (natasha pulley; novel duology) - they don't have a lot of favorites, but they do love books ❤

now reading: the raven cycle - maggie stiefvater

favorite music artists: javi vera, caleb von, the oral cigarettes, nova twins, sarah and the safe word, jhariah, rina sawayama, dominic fike, kali uchis, sir chloe, pinkshift, sate, rabbitology, sofia isella, hozier, paramore, marina, janelle monáe, towa bird, declan mckenna, skindred, turant fu, memi, allison russell, solene, justin nech, mitski, ginger root- can you tell how gay he is yet? ❤

evvy’s radio stations: tyme & taji ishida, save me soft late night showers, the eridani nebula series (nephn, xicen, rari & neno)

hobbies: painting/drawing, writing, reading, learning geography, listening to music, playing drums, watching movies - she's quite the homebody, eh? ❤

assholes and bigots have no place in this diner! we're here for a nice meal and live music, not a debate ✧

the owner stands with Palestine and believes in a peaceful solution and end to the genocide of Palestinians. the owner also believes in the safety of Jewish, Muslim, and Arab people worldwide who are suffering from the actions of Israel and Hamas.

it can be hard to find your way around the diner! follow these signs and soon you'll be navigating like a pro ❤

#evvy is typing - sometimes they like to share their writing; here's where you can find it

#evvy speaks - if he does answer your ask or join your game, you can find it here!

#evvy still uses wired headphones - she likes to talk about music, just follow the sign and you'll be there soon

#evvy talks to the void - they talk about everything and nothing sometimes, things that don't fit in the other tags, to themself or the void - or maybe you, if you're lucky

#evvy engages in media consumption - he doesn't only ever talk about music or writing - you can find whatever else he talks about here!

#rene arcenoux - a lovely person that comes through here every once in the while - they shares a striking resemblance to the evvy you know; it is strange they can shoot webs from her wrist, though... (my spidersona)

#innocent sin - he has an unoffical band with their dear friends @bassguitarinablackt-shirt @literatureisdying + @gently-decaying-flowers; sometimes you can hear them playing if you find your way over here

the frequenters

below are some lovely people who often frequent the diner, or you can find evvy in spaces of their own!

@literatureisdying(#attie 🎶), @gently-decaying-flowers (#prince 👑), @littlebookworm69 (#cami 🐛), @gregbradmanliestman (#wren 🪶), @luvrli (#sun-li ☀️), @shadow-of-tea-and-tea (#teamaker 🫖), @lordcatwich (#finn 🐈), @bassguitarinablackt-shirt (#asher 🎸), @holdmyteaplease (#tea ☕️), @mint-mayonnaise (#anvi 🌝), @xoxolvve (#x 📸), @buffporcupine (#helena 🦔), @finleyforevermore (#finley 🥝), @iwouldkickahorse (#innocent sin’s no. 1 fan), @rapidlydecayingcorpse (#decay 🪦), @beomgyutruther (#taro ☂️), @annotated-catastrophe (#ann ⭐️), @catinasink (#cat 🌸), @hyperfixatingdumdum (#queenie 🐝), @talesfromtheunknowable (#anuli 🌿), @thetruearchmagos (archie 🗺️), @edenexxe (#ed 🧿)

some of the finest patrons you could ever find ❤

the WIPS

evvy doesn't have many projects, but when she does have one, she's very passionate about it

made of our own storms (#mooos)

the premise: so the world kinda ends in 2023 and takes everyone by surprise because i don't think it was supposed to do that. but basically like a bunch of absolutely horrible natural disasters happen globally and the population is obliterated and the story takes place 100 years later and follows a group of mentally ill, sad, gay teens over the course of like two decades but i'm obsessed with it and i love my blorbos so freakin much content warnings: gore, death, violence, self-harm, sui ideation, swearing, depictions of panic attacks, descriptions of dissociation related tags: mooos, art o'cahan, arun nidhi, cy segal, daya da silva, azi tyali, domi larieux morais, naia zorita

way down on the river (#wdotr)

the premise: in a steam-punky world very similar to ours, a group of serial killers cross paths on the traveling steamboats of the new orlean’s bayous, used as an efficient form of transportation. on the week long trip to the port of cairo, illinois these killers all decide to attempt the murder of each other. some fail, and some succeed. all they know is it’s easier to kill someone when there isn’t a detective on board (cough cough HERCULE FUCKIN POIROT) content warnings: gore, graphic depictions of violence, depictions of panic attacks, blood, death related tags: wdotr, anastasia marie, cheli malviya, sam malviya, zexi malviya, malviya triplets, akachi moriai, moriai toyoko, the brides, ruhi arana, don nekvasilová, ash vanich

thank you for reading this far, customer! hope your belly is full and your tea is cold, and you enjoy your visit to evvy’s diner

#intro post #pinned post #evvy is typing #evvy talks to the void #evvy speaks #evvy still uses wired headphones #innocent sin #evvy engages in media consumption

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dukeofankh · 1 month

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The discourse about whether romance novel fans are porn addicts is dumb and hilarious. Like, are the books deeply pandering escapist fantasies that usually veer into deeply horny fuck scenes? Yes. Are they PORN though? Oh, absolutely also yes.

The issue isn't whether it's porn. It's that porn addiction isn't real, and getting mad at women for reading porn makes even less sense than being mad at men for watching it, considering at this point the people aren't even real so it's not even like there's a risk of exploitation.

Does it make someone an addict to consistently read books that make them feel good? No. Might not be the most challenging or enriching thing ever, but who gives a shit. People don't have an obligatory quota of deep existential thought that they're shirking by reading thinly veiled Reylo fanfic. Reading words isn't something you can be addicted to. That's not what addiction means. Just straight up. Even when it's compulsive or self-soothing behaviour, that's still not the same as an addiction and you need to stop acting like your youth pastor and/or favourite sex-negative tumblrista knows better than a field full of people with PHDs in neurochemistry, who consistently maintain both the conclusion that the only aspect of porn consumption that is bad for you is the shame some people feel for consuming it, and also that since people can develop compulsive relationships to anything including eating hair, laser focusing on that happening with porn specifically is pretty clearly just a basicass moral panic.

If I could watch movies about a cool awesome guy that everyone thinks is the coolest, and all the dudes are like "oh no here comes the coolest dude ever, I lose and you win" and the girls are all like "but you only have one penis and me and my gorgeous frenemy each have several holes how are we going to figure this out?"...I...would? And I do? Its not hypothetical. I am a dude. That's what a lot of media aimed at dudes has, historically, been. Wish fulfillment. Ladies should also get wish fulfillment.

Like, is it cringe to see people geeking out about their porn in public? Yeah. I don't tend to do that, personally. I think that since people tend to see women's desire in a toothless and objectified way, there's a tendency for some people to overlook how broadcasting it can put people off in public spaces. But that's more of an issue of social media cramming everyone into the same space and destroying the barriers between niche hobby spaces and adult spaces and people's public news feeds. The women reading the porn is fine. The women liking the porn is fine. The women talking to other women about how they like the porn is fine. Something annoying you or disgusting you is fine, but then that's kind of all that can or should be said. There isn't a step two. There isn't a step where you should shame and smear people until they never annoy or disgust you.

At this point society's morals are pretty broadly varied. Theres only a few things left you can call someone that are received with the scorn and shame you meant them with in any consistent way. And that's why everyone spends all of their time calling people they don't like either pedophiles or addicts. It's getting tiring.

#me writing stuff #booktok #puritanism #tw: sex mention

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jennifersblog-en · 7 months

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Would you rather call it cottagecore or self-sufficiency? A short essay on rural life and self-reliance.

Good afternoon!

I originally intended to write about cottagecore, which is pretty much what surrounds me in this rural region. However, I have a love-hate relationship toward these social media aesthetics, which are first and foremost photography aesthetics and themes with ugly names. This said, in a context of domestic abuse, I mostly count on myself for many of my needs. It is true that self-sufficiency and food self-relience tend toward the Cottagecore sub-culture, and it is tempting to go in that direction, but it would be first and foremost lying to myself, and then to others. Therefore, I prefer to face my own reality by talking about my life journey, rather than to sweeten my speech.

I prefer to be clear, in a situation of abuse, when somebody else is controlling the budget and poverty is a reality, complete financial and material autonomy is more than a fantasy, it's a need.

Facing reality: you don't need to aim for complete self-sufficiency

In fact, to be honest, you'll never make your own medications. What is complete self-sufficiency? A myth.

This said, my aim is to improve my self-reliance, which relies on a few hobbies, such as gardening, and I invite you to do the same.

Although my production of food is far from being all-year-round, or even enough for canning and preserving, my first attempt has provided me with fresh fruits and vegetables almost every day of Summer. In terms of fruits, I have only grown strawberries and raspberries, as well as the old apple tree planted decades ago by the late owners. I have grown a wider array of vegetables, such as tomatoes, peas, snow peas, and yellow and green beans. A little bit of my protein intake came from lima and borlotti beans, and I had five fresh herbs to choose from. My biggest failures have been my onions, garlic bulbs and radishes; they were disappointingly lost to rot and drought before harvest.

Overall, this was not bigger than a balcony garden, which proves that you don't need a lot of space to feed yourself if you aim for a percentage of your plate, rather than the usual message of the internet, which is complete self-sufficiency.

Growing food can be the cure to food trauma and insecurity

If, like me, you've been traumatized by food shortages and a lack of financial freedom, growing your own food can be the necessary cure, and at relatively small costs.

At the very least, you'll control some of the food you'll have later in the season. If you're lucky, you can make preserves, or meal-prep and freeze.

Baking and bread-making

This is something I was already doing, and there is something special about having a dessert or a slice of fresh bread, still warm from the oven.

All winter long, I try to do something inspired by the Swedish fika concept, and use these months to plan ahead for Spring.

Needle arts are far from dead

From cosplay to insta-worthy embroidery, the needle arts are far from dead, despise their temporary rejection at home, as shopping malls and hypermarkets became my own parents' stress-relief and boredom-killing hobby. From a personal point-of-view, their consumption habits were far from my values, and I have come back to sewing and knitting to supply a percentage of my wardrobe. I've also tried to make very simple jewelry.

The initial cost is not always cheaper to make your own, because you will possibly choose a thicker, high-quality fabric, that will hopefully last longer, which is where you can really save.

I often like to remind myself that this is not child labour, but my own labour; and it makes a world of a difference from a moral standpoint.

♫ These boots were made for walking, and that's just what they'll do ♬

When I have decided to get back in shape, I didn't have the financial means to pay a subscription at the gym. However, did you notice the free sports you can start doing today?

I have started walking almost every sunny day, and it has greatly improved my cardio-vascular health, as I was enjoying the scenery and leaving my problems at home, behind a closed door.

When bad weather forces you to stay inside, there are still many Youtube channels to watch, and I have even found a few workout television shows on major channels. They tend to be at 6am, though, and they have to be recorded to watch them as a hobby, instead of a morning chore.

Which comes to a conclusion: dis I really ever intend to write about the Cottagecore movement and its photography aesthetic, or simply about real life and self-care? I'd say the latter, for this is what feels better, and always will.

#lifestyle #self-sufficiency #food self-sufficiency #clothing self-sufficiency #cottagecore #cottagecore aesthetic #garden #gardening #baking #homemade baking #needle art #sewing #knitting #self-reliance #jennifersblog

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viviennelamb · 4 days

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Hello Vivienne. I just finished your book after purchasing it for my kindle yesterday. Finding your writings has been in direct accordance to my souls path to enlightenment, it came at just the right time. I just wanted to let you know how much your writing has already impacted many others and is going to lead to the healing and awakening of numerous women. I thank God for allowing me the opportunity in this life to level up my consciousness and escape the matrix that has been plaguing me since I was a small child. Besides adorning praise onto you, I did have a question.

In some of your past posts and book, you mention hobbies and exercise. Would these things still be in alignment with one’s path as long as they were still putting God first? I know healing is possible when raising one’s consciousness, but I used to indulge in degeneracy such as unhealthy eating and a lack of movement. I now do strength training in order to prevent further injury to my physical body. If I do so not out of vanity or a mental escape like a rush of endorphins, is that okay. With hobbies, I’ve always been drawn to art since a young age. I would imagine that your take on it would be that it’s okay as long as it’s accordance to God and used as an outlet for beauty instead of degeneracy. I was curious on your thoughts about this. Thank you for all that you do :)

Wow @ you finishing it so quickly. I have another book I'm editing so you won't have to wait long for the next one. Every compliment you give is ultimately to God. ❤️

There is no fulfillment in aimless hobbies. I found it's typically a way for people to avoid their purpose because they're too intimidated by doing something real.

All hobbies are mindless consumption. Something like knitting is a trade because its purpose is to provide warmth, but most people call it a hobby because technology has advanced to create knits faster.

Hobbies are consumption activities such as anime, gaming, music and internet surfing which an individual drowns themselves in and doesn't inspire them to do anything better. It's as if the individual is a paralyzed zombie. Hobbies are intended to be addictive. The exception lies in whether you watch/listen to look for a particular message that aligns with your purpose. Media is useful for communication in this manner.

Any endeavour that isn't centred on God leads to emptiness, burnout and being highly sensitive toward the outcome. The second you know you are acting for God, you've already won and you won't care about the outcome or the logistics of how to get there.

Personally, I was addicted to video games for a good decade even though I knew it wasn't good for me, I felt like I wasn't in control of my body. The ego wants to be anchored in something, and it chooses something to identify with. Since I didn't believe in God, I believed in video games instead. It's a serious downgrade to identify with anything but God. Hobbyists also say to never make your hobby your career because even they know hobbies are soul-sucking.

For exercise, if you're doing it just to move, that's fine, but it's even better if it's for a Godly purpose. What has God put you here for? If you know this, then you must be in good health to carry out that purpose, so exercise would be for God.

Remember, your soul is God who has arrived to do one thing, so don't place God too far away. You need to become present to know who you are and stop rejecting/suppressing your role so you can finally become calm. Notice how there's somehow something wrong with everybody and we all must fix something about ourselves, but people rarely believe that one aspect of ourselves is meant to be our purpose? This is the matrix and makes us hyperfocus on something imaginary.

You can only be aware in the present moment and you're only actually present when you think of God. This is the thing that will bring you limitless happiness, but anything that society has told you to do will bring you misery. Once you remember to think of God, all of your negative feelings will wash away. All you have to do is make thinking of God, or being present, a habit. Once centred on God, your perspective on success will radically change and you will never feel a negative emotion or boredom again. Nobody will ever hurt you again as well.

I used to be addicted to exercise. Strength training didn't get me anywhere, cardio didn't increase my lung capacity and stretching didn't really do shit for me because I was mentally fragile. Any time I did feel like I was making some progress, all it took was a week off to place me back at square one.

I was very disciplined and consistent ate perfectly and never cheated for 9 years, at one point I went to the gym twice a day every day. I remember I was driving home and thought about how I would have to do this for the rest of my life for "health." Like... is this it?

I thought I was losing my will, so I looked into upgrading to a more expensive gym, but I saw the people who went there and they looked weird. They were extremely vain, on a supplement program that cost hundreds of dollars a month if they weren't on steroids and carefully monitored macros. I wondered why I was doing it and it was because I was told doing all of these things was healthy and I realized I don't even like exercise. I have no interest in becoming obsessed with my physical appearance either, that realm is just way too toxic for me.

The next day I went back to the gym and looked at other people who were doing the same thing as me and they were stressed out, anxious and depressed and I was on my way there too. I finished my workout and asked the dude at the counter to cancel my membership and never looked back. No joke, the pandemic was announced a week later and people were complaining about their gyms charging them even though they couldn't go lol.

I don't exercise minus walking and my pre-meditation energization exercises and you know what's interesting, now I have muscle and can maintain it sustainably, I'm not as reliant on breathing, and my body is miles more flexible and the body feels very light, nimble, and like liquid because it's becoming aware it's molecules. It's less likely to get injured in this state, so don't worry too much about injuries. Don't worry about anything tbh, just focus on doing what makes you happy and keep doing it regardless of what your material circumstances show you. If something is fruitless, or places you at highs or lows, don't do it. You should always feel calm.

The mind that is centred on God through meditation will allow you to become the soul and leave body consciousness behind. Otherwise, we would all be in the gym forever. Oh, and unhealthy eating is a non-factor, as you meditate your desire for anything unhealthy goes away naturally over time. Yogis have a saying that if you put in sincere effort, even 20%, God will take care of the rest. It's hard to believe people take the gruelling route when God is waiting to take away all of our burdens and worries for free. God's mercy cannot be expressed, especially as you become smarter and see the bigger picture and you'll see how God works.

#ask #gonna write this one because I don't speak of God.

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