#might touch these up eventually I'm just happy to See them they're so pretty

[egglands-worst]

tonight was Very Beautiful

#went outta town and away from light pollution for this and everything #(though i found out later that the photo i took from my apartment balcony #you could actually very faintly see the aurora in it #couldn't see it with the naked eye in town tho) #photography #aurora borealis #might touch these up eventually I'm just happy to See them they're so pretty #it was so pretty. ohhhh my gosh #i always thought those videos of them were like #sped up or something for the effect. NO they are not they really do just move as fast as that #and there were points the ribbons were flashing and pulsing in brightness it was so cool #AND. NOT ONLY THAT. but i ALSO saw a handful of shooting stars!!!!

[meanbossart]

A long over-due ask compilation (Art & Music)

It's vaguely based on a short story from the book "The Consumer" by Michael Gira, specifically "The Boss". I think it came up in conversation with a friend or something when I was picking a new username, so that's how we arrived at it - this was almost a decade ago so, my memory on it is a little hazy!

{MORE UNDER THE CUT]

HAHA thank you so much!!! Glad you enjoy what I do 😎🍻

I BELIEVE this little guide I put together over here might be helpful to you, also! I touched on pretty much everything you brought up.

As for reference material when it comes to facial expressions, I have a mirror next to my desk which I glance at often and make weird faces at LOL and for consistency, it's really a matter of learning to dissect and remember facial structure. It's just something you end up developing an eye for when you've done it for long enough! Naturally, if we're talking about drawing existing characters, it's always helpful to just look at some pictures of their mugs and take a minute to define what features about them make their faces recognizable - I touch on this at the link above as well!

I do plan on making a "drowstarion" (love that, by the way LOL) playlist eventually, life's just been kicking my ass and I hardly have the time 😭and when I do, I just wanna draw.

Otherwise I don't have any other playlists floating around at the moment, BUT the one my boyfriend made for his Vellioth comic can be found here, and it might scratch a similar itch!

Thank you! I believe this was in reference to this post. Something like that takes me about... An hour??? If we're talking just the colors, at least. Though that's a really rough estimate because I take a lot of breaks, so my sense of time when I work ends up pretty skewed. Even if the application of the colors themselves took less than 20 minutes I probably spent 2 hours just staring at it LOL.

My friend, I have no idea. I'm in a constant battle between "I want to draw more realistically" and "I want to simplify my art so I can draw more/faster". What you see is the result of that ongoing brain-tug-of-war.

Also, just the way I assume everyone else develops theirs - they see stuff they like and emulate it until their art is Frankensteinish enough to be it's own unique thing!

I'm far from a Type O Negative buff, BUT I'm happy to share some of my favorites with you! They're quite scattered across a couple of their albums so I'm not sure I have a favorite, but I would say October Rust is a good starting point.

In no particular order, these are my most listened tracks of theirs: -Love You to Death -Black N.01 -Haunted -She Burned Me Down -Can't Lose You -I Don't Wanna Be Me -Be My Druidess -September Sun -Tripping A Blind Man

Alas, I was one of those people who was already drawing in kindergarten 😅 though I would say I only started taking it seriously when I was around 15-16 years old. As someone who has tried their hand at several other hobbies since reaching adulthood, I get what you're saying that it can kinda feel like... You missed the wagon? I've felt that way about all kind of things lol

That said, I've seen adults managing to develop their art skills extremely fast and effectively before. Understanding where and how you need to improve, and how to follow lessons/guides best is something that is vastly improved by maturity and knowing how to best hone your time, attention, and resources - and those are skills we completely lack as children. So, I sincerely believe that as long as you commit yourself, you can definitely get to a point that you're happy with in a couple of years if not less.

JUST DO IT BUDDY we are all just people looking through a screen and you won't ever see, talk, or meet 99% of the folks who ever clap eyes on what you post. Whenever you start getting nervous about sharing something, take a minute to ask yourself why you're nervous, and if none of the reasons have any genuine substance besides being afraid of what people "might think", just go ahead and post it. You're no mind-reader after all, and if you are, I doubt you can hear what a guy from Argentina or wherever is thinking about the art you made.

Point is, nobody online can touch you 🤷and if someone doesn't like what you do, they can simply choose to not interact with it, and if they do you can block and move on. There are zero reasons for you to feel "bad" about putting up a doodle when our experiences on the web are so easily curated nowadays.

#ask compilation

[factual-fantasy]

25 asks :}} MERRY CHISTMAS! 🎄🎄🎄

Jevil and Seams world still exists, its just so horrible that they don't ever want to go back to it..

Grillby and River persons AU were both destroyed/de-stabilized..?? Their worlds don't exist anymore.. they cant go back.

Goner Kid's AU still exists, but another version of her already exists in it. Its like a duplicate..? Of her was created when she fell into the void. When she tried to re-enter her AU, it was hurting the other Goner Kid. In order for her to go back, someone would have to kill that other Goner kid. But that Kid has a family, real memories, emotions.. she's a person too... no one had the heart to kill her. She cant go back..

Spamton's AU still exists, but he doesn't want to go back. There was nothing for him there. He had no friends, no family, he hated his life. And being in his own world for some reason causes his pain to be more extreme/less tolerable. So staying away from his AU brings him some relief..

Asgore's AU still exists, but he cant go back. Or else he will continue turning into dust and eventually fully die.. staying out of his AU is the only thing keeping him "alive"..

@abaroo

I don't know if their boss status really played much of a role.. mostly their friendship started with Jevil helping Spamton, and then sparked into something more by them having a similar sense of humor. :00

As for the phone person? I haven't decided if my Spamton had that phone guy or not.. but if he did, I might make it so they're different people. Or maybe the same person but from different aus..?? 👀👀

The group might not keep in touch consistently. But I can see them occasionally returning to this AU to seek shelter, knowing that they're safe here.

Like imagine they got in a wicked fight and some of their toughest members are all beat up. They retreat to this AU and hide out in the forest to rest. Some of the Queens guards find the group and bring them to her. She's surprised to hear that they've been living in the woods.

"Why did you not return to my castle?"

"We didn't want to intrude or overstay our welcome..."

"Nonsense! You are always welcome here."

Now as for Seams relationship with her? I imagine its complicated.. Of course he thinks she is wonderful and very gracious. Having freed him from his chains and continuing to welcome them into her castle..

But Seam can't help but be afraid of her. She is the same species as the Spade King. He cant help but be reminded of the king when he looks at her and feel uncomfortable or intimidated..

Seam is probably stressed and uncomfortable being in her castle, despite how kind the Queen is.. Everything just reminds him of the King and all the horrible things associated with him.. its just.. man, its complicated.

@tanileaf

WAAHAHRHHDHF THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING!! 😭😭💖💖💖

@mishishiwritings

Aw its ok! <XD Don't worry, it really is mostly a design choice now. But to go over the story again..

When I was designing my sona I wanted something to be on my hands. Gloves? Different skin color? I didn't really know.. Now at the time my fingers/knuckles were covered in band-aids due to dry skin and cat scratches.

So I thought hey! I can give my sona edgy bloody bandages! And I can call them my weathered artists hands! XD And so I added them.

Although my hands still aren't in the best shape today, I'm pretty hard on them- the bloodied hands don't have any darker or concerning origin. Just cat scratches and dry skin. I appreciate the concern though! 🥺💖💖💖

Also thank you! Happy holiday and a happy new year to you too! :}}

@taizarack

Yeah, my sona is kind'a all over the place <XD for funsies I made this little chart that might help explain the strange forms I take XDD

Basically, the drippy-ness and blood is when I want to emphasize my exhaustion and/or emotions is some way..?

And the "stable" version is usually seen at the start of comics before I've consumed any energy. Or in posts with 1-2 drawings that don't take much time/energy to make. Also being a drama queen is fun. Does that make sense..? <:D

@purplelordscp035j

THNAK YOU SO MUCH!! :DDDD

I'm assuming you're talking about the ruin mask? If so, that would be very bizarre.. they wouldn't know what to make of it. How is this thing even possible?? <XDD

@lizard-queen-things

Wow, 2020? That feels like forever ago-

And well I just kind'a lost interest in tfp. <XD I never even finished the show due to lost interest- such is life :/

@citrusfruitman

XD You're the first person to ever send me that I believe. Season's Greason's indeed :}

Nooo, <:/ I had already planned out my AU before the Ruin DLC came out. No room/reason to add prototype Freddy.

@starrypaint09

Fank u! :}}}

Here's a link to my FNAF master post! (Its also in my pinned post <XD)

I got an ask about this recently, :0 I'm sad to say that I'm actually unfamiliar with this game.. sorry! <XD

Part of me thinks it would be very foreign to their (probably cruddy) Fazbear brand pizza. <XD Chica would love it though!

This is a really good question! :0 I had to think about it for a sec XDD

For Freddy and Glamrock Foxy I imagined their vice would be the same, hoarding. They would try to latch onto things and objects that make them feel better. At first it would start with collecting certain posters of event that they had a good time at. Or if someone gave them a plush they would hide it from employees so that they could keep it. But then it would quickly spiral into something worse..

They would both start stealing from the other animatronics. Taking things that they see as valuable and worry the others might throw away. Or if they had a nice time at a kids birthday party they would try to collect souvenirs. Like the present wrapping and bows. Trash and plates with food still on them.

Freddy would collect all this trash and stuff and hoard it in his room. The food would get moldy and make his room a hazard. But Freddy would become very protective of his room and his collection. The employees would try to clean if but Freddy just wouldn't have it. They would have to clean out the worst of it little by little so Freddy wouldn't notice..

Foxy would be the same except once his room got too full, he would extend his collection to Pirates cove. Parents would complain about Pirates cove being dirty and about there being trash all over the floor. But just like Freddy, Foxy would be very protective of his collection and it would be a hassle to clean..

For Glamrock Bonnie however, his is harder to describe.. but I imagine he is completely opposed to change. Maybe OCD you could call it..?

I can see Bonnie being hurt by all the change in his life. When Freddy and Chica died that was a huge change. When the glamrock era began and they threw out everything familiar to him.. it hurt. It was a big change.

I can see Bonnie hating change. For 5 seconds, he wants everything to just, stay the same. This might manifest in Bonnie not allowing any employees in his room. Becuase he doesn't want them moving anything around. He wants to come back to his room after a stressful day and have his room be exactly the way he left it. This would mean Bonnie's room gets very dirty/dusty but he wont allow anyone to clean it.

Not sure how this could spiral to something that effects other people.. Maybe he doesn't like the new songs that they are told to sing. He just wants to sing the same familiar songs he already knows. This could cause problems for the other animatronics because Bonnie wont cooperate? Things like that. :0

I suppose anyone who doesn't have a river person in their AU would be spooked yeah <XD Poor river person :(

XDD Yeah "Mommy look! A Kangaroo!"

Bonnie:

Yes, Seam is absolutely devastated with guilt. Not a day goes by where he doesn't feel horrible for what he did to Jevil.. And despite your point, Jevil holds nothing against him. Not anymore, and here's why.

Jevil was there when the king threatened Seam. When the king commanded him to lock Jevil away. It was very clear from the situation that the King would hurt or even kill Seam if he did not obey. Seam was torn, tears streaming down his face. He was shaking.. He had no choice. It was lock Jevil up, or face the Kings wrath. He had to.. if he didn't, both of them would probably have been slaughtered..

He doesn't resent Seam for locking him up. He knows he had to. But after years of being down there.. Jevil did develop a bit of resentment over Seam never visiting him. He always expected Seam to sneak down to the dungeon to see him.. but he never did.. that he resented a bit.

But as soon as he escaped, and found out why Seam never visited.. that resentment all vanished.

Seam tried to visit Jevil. But he was caught. And what was his punishment? His eye was gouged out, his mouth stitched shut, and heavy shackles clasped around his neck and wrists. He was told of he ever tried to visit Jevil again. The king would kill them both.

How could Jevil hold any resentment after that? There was nothing else Seam could have done..

I think it was the opposite. Jevil saw the danger of the situation. It was clear that if Seam didn't lock Jevil up, the King would likely kill them both.

Seam was extremely hesitant. He was crying, he didn't want to lock him up..

Instead of begging the king for mercy, knowing the king would not listen. Jevil probably just tried to comfort Seam..

"Seam.. i-its ok... j-just.. just do it... just do what he says.."

I don't think I ever gave them claws.. I suppose if the situation calls for it they'll magically have them XD Not sure about scratching post though, they'd more likely just want to use a nail file :0

I sat on this ask and thought about it for a while.. and every time I think about it I picture the same scenario..

Asgore comforting a neutral route Undyne..

@beryl-shade

I'd like to think that Bibi can because he's very cat-like. but Cici? Mayyybe not? <XD She's more mouse-like to me.

@britneyt

WOAH HANG ON!- I cant make THAT many arms! XDD

Also thank you! Good night/day to you as well! :}}}

Oh yeah, it likely happens a lot. :( And you know Jevil is either gonna deny it, or curl up under a blanket and refuse to let anyone touch him in an attempt to not spread it..

#my response #undertale #deltarune #seam and jevil #seam deltarune #jevil #tw descriptions of gore #fnaf security breach #factual fam

[thrandilf]

do you have a guide as to the extra materials for The Dragon Prince? i keep seeing stuff about comics or books but idk where to start

Not on hand but I can make one here! :D

There are two, soon to be three, canon graphic novels.

Through the Moon takes place between seasons 3 and 4, like a little season 3.5 It isn't Necessary to read it before watching S4 but the story is cool and the extra information is neat. It feels like we might get more info regarding what happened to Rayla while she was gone later in the show

Bloodmoon Huntress takes place when Rayla is a child around when her parents leave. Lots of Runaan and Ethari, also introduces Kim'dael who will be in S5. Again, not Required reading but a fun extra story.

Puzzle House is coming out August 1st and is about Claudia and Soren as children, and we also get a look at younger Viren and other people. Harrow's father, King Atticus is still king in this one so interesting Katolis lore, SUPER hyped for when we get to read all of this one. The Scholastic link has a 15 pages preview if you wanna take a peek.

There are novelizations for Dragon Prince Season 1 and Season 2, they add a bit of introspection and small extra details. Viren in particular gets more of his internal thought processes laid out and for me it just Confirmed a lot of things. Season 3's novelization is coming out April 2nd, 2024. I'm sure all 7 seasons will eventually have novelizations.

Tales of Xadia is the ttrpg book and it's gorgeous and is probably the most lore heavy supplemental material as far as world building goes. The system also looks fun! The website has a character builder too for OC making. As a writer, it's been a great help as far as seeing some aspects of the world laid out. The system looks fun and there are videos of some of the cortex(?) team playing ToX official tales/campaigns but I haven't watched them yet. The campaigns are also available to look at online too.

I think that ToX is getting an expansion at some point since the base game doesn't touch much on Ocean or Star magic, I imagine due to spoilers for the seasons we're coming up on.

There's also a tabletop game called Battlecharged which I haven't personally played and I don't think it Adds lore but I've heard it's fun.

Also, it will likely be a long time before we see it, but there's a video game in the works as well that's in alpha testing right now called Project Arcanum. Wonderstorm is pretty busy!

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE

The Free Stuff:

Reflections are official short stories hosted on TDP's website and all of them are excellent and provide little extra scenes. Some of them are quite impactful, and the ones in this second batch are promising an absolutely wild S5. The first batch was released pre S4 and the second batch is being released now pre S5 as we count down to the new season. They aren't Required reading since the most key information from them will be in the show (going by the S4 ones) but I highly HIGHLY rec reading them all. Banger after banger. As of posting this there may be one more coming.

There's also little 4 panel comics called Everyday Xadia that have been also released during countdown mode and they're just fun/cute. Volume One and Volume 2 (still coming out). Sometimes when people say comics they might mean these, or the graphic novels lol.

Thank you for the ask, I'm always happy to share the TDP love and I hope this was helpful to you and anyone else who'd like a ref!

#tdp #the dragon prince #tdp netflix #puzzle house #tales of xadia #ref #reference #feel free to rb/save!

[talesofesther]

Hey! So... I really need some hcs about Max as a gf pls 🙈

My thoughts on what it would be like to date Max Mayfield;

Masterlist

⋆* ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

I'm pretty sure that when you and Max first meet you won't exactly see eye to eye;

be it because you beat her score at the arcade or because she thinks you're too prissy;

Max never thought she'd like you, let alone fall for you;

but it happened, and when Max first realizes it she kind of freezes;

you'd be at a place like a skate park;

you with your rollerblades and Max with her skateboard;

and the sun was setting, making your hair shine and pulling Max into a trance;

Max almost falls off her skateboard whilst looking at you;

but you managed to catch her holding onto her arms and now you're so close and 'oh god', Max is whipped.

I ended up wanting to write this scene lmao, you can read it here.

after Max comes to terms with the fact that she's very much in love;

she won't tell you right away;

she'll start by giving you hints, for example;

buying you ice cream, pushing strands of hair behind your ear, holding onto your hand longer than needed while teaching you to skate;

honestly, she'll always find an excuse to be touching you;

and when that doesn't do the trick, she might turn to words;

"I kind of have feelings for you or… Whatever."

"me?"

"yeah, I mean I was trying to show you, but you're so damn oblivious it was driving me insane."

Max is not the best at expressing her feelings verbally;

you won't hear an 'I love you' from her every day;

however, she's always showing you how much she loves you;

and when she does say it occasionally, you can bet she damn well means it.

dates with Max consist of going skating, her being insistent on teaching you;

or going to the arcade, or cheap dinners that stay open until late hours of the night.

Max will 100% always be your partner in crime;

you wanna sneak into the teacher's class to copy some answers? She'll be distracting them;

you wanna pull a prank on the boys? She's got your back.

you and Max will go shopping together, she loves trying on the most ridiculous clothes with you;

and you will be stealing some kisses from each other in the fitting room;

you would be just pulling off your shirt as Max opens the curtain from your fitting room, quickly walking in with you before anyone sees;

you would be a giggling mess as she gently pushes you against the wall, giving multiple pecks to your smiling lips;

because Max's love language is action, touch.

she loves to show you off, bragging to everyone how you're hers and hers only.

you're the one she trusts the most with her secrets and insecurities;

she'll go to you whenever she has a nightmare or feels down;

you know just how to calm her down.

Max can be pretty jealous at times;

if the wrong person is giving you the wrong kind of attention she won't be quiet for too long;

most likely walking up to you and making up an excuse to drag you away;

sometimes you have to kiss her pout away.

movie nights all the way;

Max loves to stay home with you or go to the cinema and watch your favorite movies together.

the rest of her and your friends catch up with your relationship eventually, and they're happy, because now they know the reason why Max has been happier.

you make Max laugh as no one else can;

you make her the happiest.

⋆* ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Max’s taglist: @milkiane @bookfrog242

Let me know if you wanna be added to her taglist.

#max mayfield x reader #max mayfield #max mayfield x female reader #max mayfield imagine #strangerthingsedit #stranger things #max mayfield x you #imagine #fanfic #fluff #angst #max mayfield fanfic #maxmayfieldedit #sadie sink #stranger things x reader #st #my story #max mayfield headcanons

[nakedmonkey]

Hiiii! Could you please do the otp headcanon asks for ShivLina and/or ShivLisa?

3 

I would say 11 except we all know it’s Gerri  

18 

22

31

:3 :3 :3 thank you!

skjghd OMG thank you for these! I feel like all I want to do is talk about Shivlina right now, so I appreciate it!

3) If they got to pick what one another wears for a day, what would one another wear?

(let's say this is for a date cause it's fun)

Shiv definitely picks out something formfitting and/or low cut. Like a nice low cut dress, or a silk button down for Karolina (unbuttoned as far as Karolina will allow cause Shiv is a boobs girl). I think Karolina is a butt girl, and i think she noticed Shiv's ass before she noticed her (stunning) face. So, naturally, she picks something that enhances her um, features. Remember that dress with the low back? This one?

So does Karolina.

11. (you're right, it is Gerri) 18) What small quirks do they love about each other?

I think Karolina finds Shiv's ability to ramble on and on pretty charming. Like. If it's late at night and they've had a few glasses of wine and Karolina's kinda sleepy in that really nice, end of the day way, and Shiv's pacing around going on and on about whatever, running things by her, she's happy to just watch her walk and talk.

I think Shiv likes that Karolina talks with her hands (Shiv loves Karolina's hands okay). It's one of the first things she noticed about her and it can be very distracting.

They spend so much time just talking, and they're both, by nature, focused on communication; body language etcetera, that instinctively, the way they talk and their mannerisms were things they picked up on upon first meeting, and they became things they observed in one another as their attraction to each other grew and their relationship evolved.

22) Favorite canon moment of theirs?

I'm gonna have to go with this one:

Because what on EARTH. The body language, the shared looks, the touching. I wish we'd gotten to see them actually strategizing because it's obvious they had been. It's such an intimate little moment and I love it. I love it so much.

31) How do they say ‘I love you’ without actually saying it?

Shiv doesn't know how to like, be a human who cares about another human and be sweet and attentive without cringing. BUT I do think, eventually, when she wants to make an effort, maybe when they've been apart for a while, or when she's with Tom but would rather be with Karolina, She'll have a flower arrangement sent to Karolina's home--just a "I'm thinking of you" gesture that isn't a huge declaration but makes her hands all clammy and makes her feel all weird for a while after. Until Karolina texts her a thank you and it then it feels kinda nice. (I might change my mind about this later idk we'll see)

Karolina shows her love by calling Shiv out on her shit when it's necessary. Shiv is very good at walking all over her partners if the situation calls for it, and not that she's done that to Karolina, but Karolina is very clear with things needing to be straightforward if they're going to do what they're doing, and unfortunately, Shiv often jumps straight to manipulation even in the most insignificant situations. Karolina's not afraid to tell Shiv when she's not jiving with anything. And it's uncomfortable for Shiv, oftentimes, her instinct is to fight back, but eventually, she gets it, and Shiv's not about to admit it, but her non-relationship with Karolina is the healthiest relationship she's ever had. Turns out some boundaries are good, actually.

#succession #otp headcanons #shivlina #shiv roy #karolina novotney #shiv x karolina

[symbioticsimplicity]

I just remembered Billy Hargrove existed and I'm about to make it everyone's problem.

Okay, so first of all, I've only seen like bits and pieces of season 2 and none of season 1 so if I get things wrong, that's why. (I'll fix it eventually when I'm less sick and miserable.)

But Billy struck me as a lot of wasted potential. He was a foil for Steve, I get that, but I feel like they could have kept that up while still bringing him back around instead of killing him off.

Like yeah, he's got anger issues like a motherfucker, but they could have kept that while just giving him something to take it out on. Give me this big, pretty, asshole seeing his sister in danger (the sister he claims not to like and isn't very good to) from a nightmare monster, realizing his endless reserves of rage could save a life instead of take one.

Give the Party a goddamn berserker.

Like sure, he's not soft and motherly like Steve and none of them would ever go to him for life advice, but hes sure as shit made sure they didn't die often enough for them to at least tollerate him. Maybe he's even maimed a monster in a cool enough way for one of the kids to give him props for it. Imagine if that was the first time someone told him he'd done something worth being proud of.

The praise becomes the thing he lives for, even if its from a bunch of dumb kids. The kids who are all a lot smarter than anyone really wants them to be, who take notice of this. So they start praising him more.

They might not know what happens to him at home, but they know that kind of rage doesn't come from nowhere. Or, most of them don't know. Will and Jonathan who both survived an abusive father, clock him immediately.

Billy doesn't take kindly to pity though and he's too hurt and raw to really get close to. So they don't address it directly, they just keep giving him what they can and he keeps protecting them when its go time.

Billy and Steve have probably the weirdest relationship out of all of them. Steve is too mouthy to keep all of his thoughts to himself and he won't just let Billy be mean to the kids either. They nearly get into it whenever they're nearby each other if there isn't an immediate threat. Billy thinks Steve is spoiled and too soft and will take any excuse to throw hands with him. They're a mess.

It becomes common Party knowledge not to leave them alone together, which works right up until they get stuck together during a plan gone wrong.

They bitch at each other the whole time because it isnt the time or place to fist fight. Some harsh words get thrown around until a dig hits a little too close to home and forces some emotional honest out of Steve first. He snaps about how his life isn't the happy place people assume it should be, would he even be here if it was? He rants about how the only truly good thing he has going for him, the only real love he gets, is from those kids. That’s why he's still there, why he always will be, and why he'd die to protect them.

And Billy who's slowly been tamed down by their kindness and weird affection, he gets that at least. He doesn't say it, can't, his throat closes up whenever a real feeling comes over him, but he gets it.

After that he's not as hostile as he used to be. He's still sharp around the edges and he's still hurt, but he doesn’t want to cut every single person who touches him.

By the time season 3 comes around, he's the Party's big attack dog. Can be pet only by Party members and if anyone so much as looks at them wrong, he's ready to throw down.

He makes an effort with Max too. Tries to be more like a brother, and he finds out that he actually likes Max beneath the resentment for their circumstances. He figures out he wasn't really mad at her, but everything else. They bond over surprisingly similar interests and personalities. He loves her sharp wit and envies her ability to say things that could turn a person to ash on the spot. She's kind of a bitch and he can respect that.

When he gets possessed, the Party focus more on fixing him than just defeating him. El uses their own connection to help lend Billy the strength to fight back when she goes into his mind. He remembers that his life isn't a hopeless void anymore, that he has people to protect, people hes come to love as loathe as he is to admit it.

He fights with everything he has and frees himself from possession. It was hard on him and he passes out, spends a few days in the hospital unconscious, but he pulls through.

The kids are there to meet him when he wakes up. Max cries and hugs him and for the first time he feels like maybe he's worth a shit, like maybe he's worth loving.

#billy hargrove #stranger things #IT WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE GUYS #i cannot tell you how badly i wanted to see him get redeemed #i want him to be the angery older brother who would kill a man over his sibling and her friends #steve shouldnt be the only character to have gotten a redemption arc #and I'm sick of this show making interesting characters just to kill them off #also i would have loved to see him Steve and Eddie all having to function around one another #like please

[buckybeardreams]

Ahhhhhh hello friend! Hope your day is going well! I just wanted to say I just finished reading the latest chapter of totally platonic and it was amazing! I also saw in a comment you said Eddie was gonna introduce buck to pacifiers next chapter and I can’t wait! I’m so so curious to see how well that’s going to go over lol. I feel like with little buck it might not be that bad? Daddy has worked hard with his baby after all and is getting much closer to his perfect happy baby boy. Big Buck though might still have some work to do 😅 lol. He’s getting there as well but I can see him still having trouble accepting things like pacifier’s and, I’m sure eventually bottles and diapers which I’d imagine aren’t to much farther off. He just needs to fully trust and accept that his daddy Eddie fully knows what’s best for his baby boy. He’s never steered him wrong yet after all 😉

Eddie is definitely going to introduce Buck to pacifiers in the next chapter and I'm pretty excited about it! I love baby Buck so much and pacis are legit my favorite, like I wrote the cutest little snippet of him sleeping with a paci that I've just waiting to be able to use, and I think I'm gonna be able to fit it into this chapter! So I'm like stoked about that!

Lol yeah, little Buck would definitely be more open to the idea, and the littler Buck feels, the easier it is for Eddie to introduce him to new things, especially the kind of things that would normally make Buck blush bright red and stammer in embarrassment.

Eddie knows that, knows Buck would be absolutely horrified by the idea of using pacifiers if he just brought it up. So, he purposely waits until they're playing to bring them over, but when he initially shows up, Buck is not as little as Eddie was hoping he'd be. He still makes it work tho, cuz Eddie's always got a plan lol

I'm actually working on this scene rn so I'll give you a sneak peek 😉

--

Eddie chuckled when Buck tried to peer into the bag he was holding, ever curious as always.

As much as he'd been mortified when Eddie brought him a teddy bear, Buck eagerly, if sometimes shyly, accepted all manner of toys from his daddy now, and he was very eager to see what Eddie brought him this time.

Eddie was eager to show him, but also cautious, noting that Buck wasn't currently in quite as young of a headspace as he sometimes was.

It wasn't necessarily an issue, didn't mean Buck would reject infantile items… but the chances were certainly greater, so Eddie knew he had to tread lightly.

So instead of offering up the gift right away, he settled on the couch, setting the gift bag aside in favor of pulling Buck into his lap.

Buck was still trying to nosily get a look in the bag, but Eddie guided his eyes to his until Buck was able to pull his gaze away from the gift bag and focus on his daddy.

"That's it," Eddie murmured. "That's my good boy."

Buck whined, shifting in his lap and pouting when Eddie cooed at him.

"Daddy wants to play, baby."

"Play?" Buck repeated innocently, confused because they were already playing.

Eddie nodded, hands shifting to Buck's ass, squeezing him through the thin layer of his Ninjago pyjama shorts, the action more direct than Buck was used to Eddie being with him, but it was the next thing Eddie did that really shocked Buck.

"Yeah, baby, Daddy wants to play," Eddie agreed, one of his hands slipping in between Buck's thighs to cup him.

Buck gasped, squirming under Eddie's touch, his eyes wide with alarm because while he was used to his daddy casually touching him now, used to Eddie bathing him and helping him go potty, Eddie had never touched him like this before.

In fact, Eddie had always been very adamant that he wouldn't touch Buck, that it wasn't sexual because Eddie didn't touch him.

But Eddie was touching him now… and Buck's poor little head couldn't wrap around what that meant.

And Eddie, well, he hadn't exactly been planning to do it, but he found that half of the time he was very methodical in his approach to training Buck. But he was also selfish and greedy, and had this way of acting on a whim or out of anger.

He wasn't not thinking things through when he specifically did the one thing he'd told Buck he would never do, the one thing he'd told Buck they couldn't do platonically.

It wasn't exactly acting on a whim, he thought of it more as quick thinking because Eddie knew he had to adapt to new circumstances and unexpected situations. He had also known when he came over here that there was a chance Buck wouldn't be little at all.

So Eddie had a back-up plan already in place, and yeah, it did include fucking with his little boy's head.

It wasn't that Eddie didn't know he was doing something contradictory, but rather that he wanted Buck so well trained that he would accept anything Eddie said as true, regardless of whether it makes sense, regardless of whether it completely contradicts the last words out of his mouth.

He wanted Buck to be malleable, wanted to be able to mold him to fit whatever role Eddie wanted him to play that day.

Right now, Eddie wanted Buck to trust him completely, knowing full well that Buck didn't understand what was happening.

It didn't matter.

He didn't have to understand.

Eddie didn't want him thinking too hard about anything, let alone about why Eddie did the things he did the way he did them.

He wanted Buck to be mindless, to follow him without question, to trust him blindly.

Eddie wanted to be the god of his world, ruling over and controlling every little part of his life, and he wanted Buck to give him each part gratefully, wanted his name to forever grace Buck's lips.

That's what Eddie wanted.

He wanted to own Buck so completely and so wholly that Buck would never even consider worshipping another.

Total devotion was what Eddie was looking for, and he knew with each step they took together, Eddie was backing Buck into a corner.

The poor little boy just didn't know it yet.

#buddie #asks #daddy eddie verse

[whoscherrycoke]

i've been thinking of cherry and marcia SO MUCH i wanted to share my hcs of them in here ü

first of THEY'RE GIRLFRIENDS no it's not up to debate this is just a bunch of headcanons of them as girlfriends bc i'm Obsessed

maybe i just have this specific image of cherry and marcia on my mind based of what i've read in the book, seen in the movies AND pure delusion so i'm sorry if these are a bit out of character

that being said

sunshine marcia and sunshine protector cherry (marcia is so protective over cherry too, but overall she's like this ball of energy and joy, and she's happy and laughing all the time, i know you're seeing my vision)

cherry was the one to fall in love first, but she thought that marcia probably wasn't into women, so she just tried to get over it and hide her feelings

.. but cherry is SO BAD at hiding how head over heels she is for marcia

so marcia eventually walks to her and it's like

marcia: hey cherry, you like women?

cherry: ... yea

marcia: yea i noticed, me too

and somehow after that they begin dating

marcia is so open about her feelings, she's laughing at every single joke and blushing and kicking her feet the second she gets back home from a date

marcia's love language is Mostly physical contact and words of affirmation, so she's love-bombing cherry all the time and she's used to being the one who begins the touching

AND MIND YOU bob has no love language AT ALL (sorry he hasn't grown on me yet) CHERRY IS OVERWHELMED

ao3 tag: cherry valance is bad at feelings (there must be a tag like that BECAUSE SHE IS)

and sometimes it's hard for her to tell marcia she loves her, so instead she shows her love mostly by doing acts of service and giving her gifts based on little details she notices

if marcia says she wants to eat brownies, the next day there are brownies on the table for breakfast

I can imagine this specific situation of marcia LOVING this shirt, it looks good on her and it makes all out her outfits so cool, but she hates the feeling of the fabric it's made of, it makes her skin feel bad and by the time she's home the first thing she'll do it take off the damn shirt. and cherry HATES to see marcia feeling uncomfortable, so she goes through hell to find a shirt that looks exactly like marcia's but made with a different fabric that's comfortable for her

cherry has trouble sleeping, she knows it, marcia knows it, everyone does. but actually sleeping with marcia helps a lot

because marcia is so warm and careful when she cuddles with her, she keeps cherry hugged against her chest, to let her hear the sound of her heartbeat. marcia is gentle as her fingertips go through the red hair, she might even humm this song she heard on the radio the other day, and it doesn't even take five minutes until cherry's asleep

cherry feels so secure and relaxed when she's with marcia :-(

they're everything to me i'm gonna throw up

totally unrelated to the ship itself but marcia has curly hair but she doesn't like it so she straightens it, so she's not a big fan of having her hair touched ?? if that even makes sense

but she adores any other form of physical contact

not only hug and kisses

but for example cherry is a pretty big fan of doing her skincare before sleeping, it always helps her feel clean and relaxed. so she asks marcia "hey you wanna tag along?" AND OF COURSE SHE DOES

cherry does two cups of tea and grabs the things, she asks marcia to keep her hair out of her face and then sits down in front of her

marcia adores to look at cherry as she stops focusing on her for the smallest second to open the package of a product

and the way cherry is sooo gentle and so focused as she spread it over her face. marcia loves the feeling of cherry touching her face She adores it

it's the only way cherry will Not feel shy about physical contact

but moving on from that little detail

marcia just takes those seconds that cherry isn't fully focused on her to drop a comment like

you know, your eyes a blue but there's a bit of green in them, it's like van gogh painted them

and cherry's cheeks turn red as she just makes this face that marcia loves so much because she has that look on her eyes that goes like: "you're such an idiot. but you're my idiot. and i love you so much"

ok that's it i can't do this anymore i'm gonna stop before i truly want to kill myself good night guys

#★ andrew's silly thoughts #the outsiders 1983 #cherry valance #marcia #headcanon #KSSJASISBSISJDOQNWOWE #crying and screaming #i'm sorry if this doesn't make sense my brain is a little dead right now #!!!!!!! #>_<

[fo-enjoyer]

🌻🌼🌸

Okay so you didn't give a name and I think people usually just choose or do all if they have a small amount and I have a small amount so I guess I'll do that.

🌻 - How would you describe your S/O physically

Shrike: Well starter she's a moth she's like uhhh Emerald moth or something. Like antennas, wings, and all. She has fur on her neck, some on her wings too. It's pretty soft- Well when she decides to brush it. A jacket, shirt, sweatpants. Honestly amiga, they're not really much interesting other than she's a moth.

Fantoccio: Well she's a cat with soft smooth black fur, and 2 big yellow spots on her right ear, and eye. One on her chest too, but you usually can't see it beneath her jacket that she never zips up. It's a dark blueist-green jacket with white stripe going down the sleeves. Also has a little pride flag keychain attached to a pocket. Even with not much to her looks she's the most beautiful person in the room usually other then maybe myself. Even if others don't see it. She's always has a happy look on her face that could light up even the most blackest of darkness! She's a pleasure for anyone to lay their eyes on!

Little dramatic ain't it

🌼 - How would you describe your S/O personality?

Hmmm. Well Beebs alway said me and her are very similar. I guess I see it. She can be adventurous, going with a lot of my plans! She's kinda stubborn, gets bored easily, and also stupid according to Beebs. Other then that tho. She's a cábron especially to me yet with Beebs she's sweet as sugar! Also a clean freak too, if you're "unsanitary" near her you might as well consider yourself muerto. Even with all this tho she can be caring...To some degree. She cares about what people think about her, and just want to have a good impression even if they're just some perra.

She a visionary like me, and quite a creative one at that! She has a lot of ideas, of course some of them need a little touching up, but with my expert help it could be perfect! I even let her revise my scripts sometimes. She's also very kind and sweet when she not teasing me. She'll constantly joke about my hight, and how I get flu- I mean embarrassed by her attempts at flirting. *looks around cautiously* Amen! But I digress. She's just a beautiful person inside and out!

🌸 - How did you meet your S/O?

Funny story technically we first met when she stole the last fuel tank from Beebs as we were shopping. But we didn't really meet until we had a babysitter her for a few days since her ship got destroyed by these part thief guys. She had to live in our ship by Beebs's request till her's got fixed. Then we started talking... kinda. It was more like passive aggressive comments at each other, but we got there eventually. Clearly.

First introductions aren't everything since ours wasn't the best. She came in my humble abode, and started going through my stuff! I'm not sure how long she's been there before I notice her. At first I thought she was a fan maybe! Maybe Billie actually brought up my show to someone, but no she was just snooping around since she thought no one lived there. Which I guess is forgivable since it's an seemingly abandoned theater, but at least you can make your presents known! *sighs* But I say that's all behind us now. I'm somewhat thankful she came even with the rude introduction. We are now together, and probably never would have happened if I didn't met her that day. I would have write her off as just a person not worth my time.

#ask #f/os #f/o tag #romantic f/o #f/o #s/i #f/o x s/i #f/o takeover

[achaiapelides]

Kit's Diary

Chapter 3

Dear Ty,

I enrolled in a school today. Tessa and Jem suggested that it would be good for me to get in contact with some mundanes in our area, so I could find some new friends. I actually didn't want to, but they seemed to think that this was a good idea and were so happy, so I didn't want to disappoint them and agreed. It's a pretty big school, because all the kids in the area go there. I had some problems finding all the rooms first, but I guess I'll get a hang of it eventually. I had to elect advanced courses. Tessa told me history is quite interesting, English too. She knows this because she apparently attended the school a few years ago because she got bored, as you do as an immortal warlock.

First I got my timetable and a tour of the school with Tessa and Jem by the secretary, an older, very strict looking lady, but she was actually not that bad. She looked at my hand weirdly though, as if she could see my rune, Tessa assumes she probably is a mundane with sight. Afterwards I had my first class. Obviously maths. Ugh. But the teacher, a young man about 25, is very nice and actually managed to make me understand the stuff he explained. He even uses some new technology called IPad and beamer and made videos for us to watch at home so we can understand the topic better.

Since I know you're interested in that and Livvy is probably too, I'm going to explain it to you now. An IPad is a bit like a computer but you can, like on your smartphone, touch the screen so you don't need a mouse. But it's bigger than a phone, so you can write on it too if you have a pen that is connected to it. I don't quite understand how this works, I'm bad at physics and electronics okay? But I'm sure you can find that out by yourself if you want. A beamer is a device that you can connect to your IPad and project the thing you see on its screen onto a wall with light, like in a cinema.

So maths wasn't actually that bad. The only problem was a girl in my class, I think her name is Leo, who looked at me really weird, but not the same way as the secretary. She probably has the sight too and can see my runes. I fear she might ask me about it, so I guess I have to come up with some story, how I got them. I'm going to ask Jem and Tessa later.

After two hours of math, where I surprisingly did not die of boredom, I had history. They talked about Henry VIII, you know, the English King with the many wives. The teacher, Mrs. Addams is pretty strict, but still quite a good teacher. You have to imagine her a bit like a young Professor McGonagall from Harry Potter. If you don't know Harry Potter, you should read the books immediately, there's pretty good, even though the author is a bitch. But back to history: It was also quite interesting, especially the history of Henry's wives. Especially Anne Boleyn and Catherine Parr are very interesting.

Afterwards we had English with the same teacher. Apparently she kind of connected both subjects because we're reading Shakespeare in English class. She decided that we're going to read different works of him in groups. My group consists mostly of girls, who of course chose "Romeo and Juliet". I'm kind of bummed because Shakespeare has so much more interesting works but, I mean who can blame them, when Leonardo Di Caprio plays Romeo in the movie.

There is another boy in my group, his name is Sam. He has light brown skin, dark brown hair and is definitely straight. Not that he said that, my gaydar is just like "nope, don't even try". He does look a bit like a male Livvy, but more tanned. Quite attractive, but not my type... that's you. (Ok Kit, stop simping about Ty, you were writing about school!) Leo is also in my group. She does look a bit like Hazel, but white, blonde and definitely not a werewolf. But they kind of have the same face. Maybe they're related or something. She was eyeing me the whole time though. But not like a "fuck me"-stare, more like a "you're very different and interesting"-stare. Kind of the way you're looking at animals you find interesting. Okay, she will definitely ask me about the runes sooner or later. I really should come up with a story for that.

After English, my day was over and I walked home. Yes walked. The school is really close to Cirenworth. I told Tessa and Jem about my day and when I mentioned Shakespeare; Tessa jumped up and ran up the stairs, only to come back a few minutes with really old editions of his books. She told me, that Will, her late husband from the 19th century, bought them for her on her 21st birthday. Both she and Will and their children read them, maybe their daughter and son in law, too. Afterwards they stayed in Cirenworth, which was her daughter-in-law’s home, until today. There are even notes from all the people who read them in there. Tessa even allowed me to bring them to school for our next English class. Also they wanted me to invite Sam and Leo over because "you need some friends". I promised I would ask them. Mina was also very interested in the old books, and even though she can't read, she flipped through the pages very carefully and looked quite pleased. It was sooo cute.

I wish you could meet Mina. I just know you would love her. She's so interested in the little things that easily get overlooked, just like you. Speaking of you, I wasn't as sad about us today. In fact I was the happiest I've been in a long time. I still think about you almost every time something happened, but it doesn't hurt that much anymore. Maybe I'm starting to heal. Maybe one day I can meet you again without breaking into pieces. (Did you understand that expression? It's what it feels like when you see something that triggers your sadness and it gets so overwhelming that you literally feel the same pain as if you were breaking into pieces.) And look at that. I just noticed it but I even write as if you'd actually read those diary entries. But you won't. At least not now. But I always hope that someday we will see each other again. And that we maybe can understand why we did the stuff we did and forgive each other. Even if it will take a long time, today was the first time I actually believed in it. That maybe, just maybe, you completely misunderstood me and actually love me as much as I love you. (Okay. Stop it Kit! You're simping again... you gotta let a man dream though.)

For real though, I love you still, and I always will

Always yours,

Kit

Happy December 12th, everyone!

#shadowhunters #cassandra clare #the dark artifices #the shadowhunter chronicles #the wicked powers #christopher herondale #christopher jonathan herondale #tsc #kit herondale #kit x ty #kit's diary #ty x kit #tiberius blackthorn #ty blackthorn #ty herondale #tiberius nero blackthorn #kitty advent calendar #advent calendar

[maya-matlin]

Out of curiosity

How do you think Tori reacted to things like Zoe coming to degrassi and being best friends with Tristan since west drive was her and Tristan’s favorite show, how she reacted to Zaya living together, Zaya eventually dating, Zig cheating on Maya, Zig Tristan and Maya being in the bus crash, Tristan being in a coma, and Maya’s suicide attempt?

Oh wow, that's kind of hard to answer. It all depends on the person Tori would have become during her last three years of high school and if Maya and Tristan were keeping in touch with her the entire time. I do think she loved her friends and would hate the thought of anything terrible happening to them. My gut is that Tristan is more likely to have kept in touch with Tori than Maya. Simply because Tristan was Tori's childhood best friend while things got complicated between Maya and Tori over Zig. It was easier to be friends in the aftermath of Cam's death with Zig not really being part of the friend group. But once there was some distance between them, it's hard for me to imagine the two maintaining much of a friendship. Even though Maya was overall a good friend to Tori, the betrayal with Zig would realistically still linger on some level. Of course, I don't know how the writers would have handled it had Alex Steele chosen to stay. Sorry. I typed a lot, but answered none of your questions.

In the case of Zoe coming to Degrassi, I imagine Tori would have been psyched and kind of starstruck from afar, insisting that Tristan give her every detail about what Zoe's like. But because Tori wouldn't physically be around to get to know Zoe, any positive feelings would probably be replaced by anger and dislike once she finds out about the cyberbullying. If Tori and Tristan are still in contact when he and Zoe become good friends, I'd assume Tori would have mixed feelings. It's just difficult to know whether she'd call Tristan out on being disloyal or take more of a neutral stance. As for everything Zaya, I doubt she'd be entirely happy about it. Zig was Tori's boyfriend first. Just because Tori was aware there was an attraction between Zaya even before the cheating doesn't mean the double betrayal didn't hit hard. So, definitely mixed feelings. Tori wouldn't be around to continue her friendship with Maya or see how Zig has evolved, so I imagine her feelings towards Zig would stay about the same. She'd know he's overall a good guy and be glad he's treating Maya right. Until he doesn't, and then there's probably some "once a cheater, always a cheater" thoughts. If Tori continues to be friends with Maya and Tristan from a distance, I doubt she'd ever be super pro Zaya even after they're back together for good.

I have no idea how Tori reacts to the bus crash, Tristan's coma, and Maya's suicide attempt. Badly? I imagine she'd be pretty fucked up over it if she knew, though there's only so much that can be done unless she visits. I'd assume she at least saw Tristan at some point during his coma. I feel like Tori would try to reach out to Maya after the bus crash, but Maya's depression would have prevented their contact from getting very far. I doubt she'd make keeping in touch with Tori a priority. Zig might get a text if they still had each other's numbers, but I think it would basically be "I'm glad you're alive/Thanks, I appreciate that." Maya and Tori might renew their friendship somewhat after Maya's suicide attempt, but both would be in their senior year and about to go in different directions. They'd probably be friendly, but their relationship would never be what it once was. I hate that I sound so negative about the Maya/Tori friendship. I just feel like the reality of only being close for a year and the way Zig came between them before means they wouldn't have much long term potential as close friends. With Tristan, there's a better chance of consistent communication if he stuck with it. I don't feel like Tristan ever felt the same resentment and complicated feelings towards Tori than he did with Maya, so I feel like their dynamic as old friends would stay pretty pleasant.

#Anonymous #suicide tw #Long post #I have no idea how this ended up being so long

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary146

2/7-8/2024

wednesday - thursday

off tomorrow, and tonight is my friend's birthday.

my friend, the girlfriend of my other friend. i'm not going though. it's just not a good time, i guess. i feel bad about it, like pretty bad, i hope she's having a good time, but too much is going on rn, scary or whatever, i need to keep everything stable for myself, if i don't work will get worse. i'm just nervous at these early stages, idk what i can really get away with.

anyway, i'm really in love with this music video:

it might be smarter than the song, it's a really good bit of filmmaking honestly, i love the script, the bit where the lusty cameraman goes "how many girls you been with," and the subject goes "a bunch..." and then the guy is like "lucky ladies," and the way the obvious lust and the subject interact, it's not a clear cut relation, there's a strange giving and taking, it's very dirty and weird, and the sadness passing over/through the man being objectified, it's so strange. it feels pretty unique to me.

did something weird, i just listened to the whole cocoron ost, i haven't thought about this game in a very long time. i discovered it because of eversion, an early internet horror game, it's like an nes platformer with BLOOD and DEATH and it's actually really cute and good, i think the game is super awesome actually, it really inspired me as a kid, when i watched a playthrough of it. anyway, that game lifts the cocoron ost, and i watched a playthrough of cocoron as a kid, i wanna play it now kinda, might be good. nes music rlly is cool, sometimes, they tried a lot of weird stuff, it makes sense a lot of people heard that and decided to make it like, grindcore/punk eventually, the noises are so piercing at times, it kind of begs to be screamed over, + the inherent sarcasm in doing that, and then it also sorta overlaps w/ the whitebelt stuff, weirdness of tones when creating music, weirdly colorful sounds for fucked up loud music.

for instance:

i've posted this before i think but this song is great, i love it so much. and i love the color. a perfect aesthetic touch point for me.

another fun one:

i also started looking at spritesheets tonight, just cuz it seemed fun, in the cocoron ost desc the uploader linked a site w/ sprite rips. reminds me of when i was ripping stuff out of ps1 and dreamcast games. i got a lot of stuff out of one game, sengoku turb on dreamcast, i should put some of that here, really cute artstyle i think, one of my fav looking games ever:

crazy looking game, i'm glad it has a sequel out there, also on dreamcast, they seem like pretty obtuse and random games, i miss the whole feverdream thing that could come out on consoles, illbleed, stretch panic is another similar game to me, even katamari on some level, though it's also way indebted to some other stuff, and killer7 is also in the maybe similar but i understand its particular history way better i think, the angura movement in japan offering a kind of springboard for the game's design i feel like, where it absorbs old forms and sticks them right beside the 'new,' as many of those plays had done, to channel something strange, to bring forth the negative and inconclusive, or maybe not inconclusive, just concluding things positivist works could not arrive at.

after finishing wiseblood i am unsure what to begin reading, i have discipline & punish beside me now, the foucault book, but maybe i need to stick with fiction, and just do agua viva by lispector. that might be good... we'll see. also quibbling over if i should try mixing a bit tonight.

also, we finally have real wifi, and it's like the old place, i am happy with it, it's pretty fast and stuff, so that's good.

all the videogame and nes music talk is making me think about how loud i've made the chip synths in my songs, and if i want them to be more prominent or not. it shouldn't be too big a deal, as long as they're there enough, you know.

now i am looking at closet child...dangerous, cuz i will get my heart broken over something i don't get but idk.. soon i really may be able to buy something, and then i will be sooo happy.

i am opening ableton now, i should do my night routine now and try and get the mix right quickly and just go to bed.

i did it, and there's just a couple things that i think i'll end up having to do to that song, cut some lows in the vocals, just a tiny bit more, and drop by 1-2b, raise the left channel guitar up by 1 db, and then maybe cut some of the low lows in the bass. that should do it on that song i think, but i might decide to just come back to it after the full listen w/ the rest of the songs to hear it in context. that leaves 3 more songs on this list, i should try and get them as right as possible, and then listen to the album, w/ some of the new songs i've got with vocals laid down, which there's a few, actually, and then i will see what i need to do, if any songs should be cut, anything like that, and if there's room for anything else. what there isn't room for, or even whatever there is, i need to go and write down the names of the project files i need to finish, just so i can mess with them sooner or later, maybe an ep of stuff i'm still attached to, and stuff.

but i am beat now,

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tropicalrpg]

28 i'm not exactly questioning post 27 but i'm having a hard time feeling peace and love right now. i was happy earlier today, truly genuinely happy

i know this post won't be long, but it could be. i have a lot of thoughts on the topic that's troubling me. there's a soccer game soon on the telly—a football game. i should deamericanize myself. i feel like shit. a pain, a loneliness in my chest, and if my team loses i have no fucking clue how i'm going to get out of the house tomorrow. though i guess the thing i'm going out to do will cheer me up.

i have this faith in my heart that my love life would be tremendously easier were i cis, straight, or both. were i into women at all. the fact that i'm ftm and gay is a big stressor in my life, is my point. my love life. being trans doesn't really affect my everyday life anymore, not really, not past passing anxieties. (not passing as in passing, although yes that too, but passing as in ephemeral.)

if i were a cis girl, a lot of my attributes would have ended up attractive, not incongruous. i would have more control over them. even if not ideal, they'd be less frowned upon. not in the sense that women are put up to less of a standard, because i'm not stupid, but in the sense that they're seen as attractive, still. women are prettier than men. women are easier to find pretty than men. i don't know. there's so much fucked up about what i say, what i want to say, what i feel and might be incorrect, but i need to say it. if anyone even reads this, my vent with its scary title, feel free to, i don't know. dm me. i have no friends on this blog. i kind of wish i did. i wish i had a friend i could be completely honest to. instead i have this fucking thing and a therapist who i don't have the time to say all these things to.

and if i liked women, i wouldn't be as deeply scrutinized, because gay men fucking suck. they aren't going to be attracted to me for years. no fats, no fems. there i go. women have been into me. several. not that i'm bragging, i'm not, i really hate myself for being unable to reciprocate and find joy in my life. no boy has been interested in me in years, i don't think. and i've been fooling myself.

yesterday i was flirting, or trying to flirt, with a guy who my friend fucked in a party bathroom last year. a guy he kissed the first night they met. i didn't kiss him yesterday, i think we barely flirted. our legs touched underneath the table, our arms touched on top of it, and my touch starved self (i haven't kissed anyone in three and a half years; in 2018 alone, i kissed twenty people) was so pleased with that, i despised myself when i made him scoot over. i want to ask him out tomorrow, but the last boy i asked out ghosted me. again and again. he makes me feel good then like shit.

there's this boy i used to kiss. we kissed every time we met. and i thought maybe he'd still want to kiss me now. but i have no way of meeting him, and i fell into the trap of situationship-adjacent instagram flirting, delusionships, whatever, and god. i just wish i could see him in real life and get this shit sorted. i wish i had ever talked to him, and had the power, the strength, to dm him like i did joão and like i'm going to do to marcos tomorrow.

and the worst part of me considers someone else. someone i don't want to kiss, but someone who, in my heart of hearts, would always want to kiss me. which is mean to him. X; i've been so mean to him, i never even wrote out the promise of his story. i wonder if he would want to kiss me still. his life has changed so much. he and that same friend of mine fucked at another party. this friend of mine whom i love deeply but who shatters all prospects of my joy. because who can compete with a tall twink with blond hair and blue eyes? not a 5'3 overweight trans guy with hair everywhere; too young to be a bear, too small to be a cub, too unattractive to even kiss someone. the utmost failure of a gay guy.

i hope i find love eventually. i hope, and like to believe it is to come; if i say it's not, my sister will bring out the stats to prove me wrong, and she'll argue that i find myself unlovable on the grounds of my body or identity. i don't find myself unlovable. i just know i'm hard to love, because i'm the opposite of everything anyone has been taught to love. boys are taught to like girls; boys who don't are taught to like twinks or jocks; boys who don't, or who aren't, are taught to like big, burly, manly. not a tiny guy with a pussy. (though i know this is probably appealing to someone, somewhere, that someone is hard to come by in my current circumstances.)

i'm just frustrated. alone. horny. alone. sad. i wrote a letter to a friend today and came up with some hypotheses as to why loneliness is a universal human experience. i don't think i listed my own, the one i think would explain why i feel so gutturally, fundamentally alone. i'm not sure i've come up with it yet.

23 07 17

#anonymous #writing exercise #nonfiction #confession

[aetherarf]

I NEED TO SAY YOU MADE ME A BRAIN ROT FOR SCARA SO MUCH I'M DROWNING SGSKSGDNGDJDDHJDJXDHDJDH When there's comfort, there's always angst-- I demand a Scaramouche x Reader //can be the chubby one too (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ where Scaramouche had a small argument them, then later the reader gets hurt someway another (you decide--) which made Scaramouche regretful for arguing with them then save them from whatever they're facing. Angst/Comfort HC/fic TYSM IN ADVANCE

Just going to say I'm going to go with my normal, as-vague-as-possible reader just because there's not much reason to fit in specifically talking about chubbiness since it's a more angst based prompt than Reader getting loved u know

[[ WARNING: ANGST, ASSAULT, DEATH [of unnamed characters] ]]

[[ Summary: Arguments happen, and sometimes they get nasty. After a few insults gone too far, you decide you need time to cool off. He couldn't have meant it, could he...? Oh, but who could resist taking advantage of such an opportunity?

Word Count: 1'376 ]]

"Scara, I'm leaving... I don't want to say something I can't take back."

"Don't come back then."

You knew he didn't mean it, always a sharp tongue and quick wit with him, any insult, to you at least, was just him puffing up and trying to look scary.

But that's why you were so upset. He was... distant, like he was afraid of you. To get close enough to him that he's call you darling or love was agony, but it was worth it. It was like sitting in the cold for hours at a time, setting a piece of fish out to the kitten who hid under the garbage, and then coming back the next day with another piece, putting it just a little bit closer to you. And then a little closer. And a little closer.

Until, eventually, it would eat from your hand. Then eventually you could pet it. And eventually it would curl in your lap.

And while you had him curling in your lap, he would still hiss, afraid and unsure, despite everything.

You didn't have to lure him out anymore, so you needed to find another way to help him, to make him show love, not through thinly veiled insults.

He seemed hesitant--which was expected, there was a reason he was this way, even if he didn't talk about it and vehemently insisted there wasn't anything wrong, there wasn't anything he was hiding. Other than what he said while sleeping, and what he told you, you knew nothing about him. He was reserved and skilled at keeping his past hidden.

But you couldn't bandage a wound if he does not expose it to you.

In the cold night, you walked alone. You had been, for a few hours now, just to avoid talking with him, you needed to think. Eventually, you found it got dark, and you were far from home. You wondered how late it actually was, with how the bitter cold nipped at your skin and how you could nearly see the stars in the sky from the all encompassing dark.

He's going to get upset over this, you thought, exhausted. Maybe you were assuming the worst?

You might as well make your way back home, you wouldn't mind getting a hotel room just for the night, but you didn't bring enough money for that, you didn't think you'd end up this far, anyway.

Walking, you watched your feet, only lifting your head to read the signs to guide you back... and eventually, you found you had gone in a circle.

How? You thought you went in a straight line... but... maybe you really were just too out of it. Spotting a person leaning beside a building, you opted to walk over, asking directions to a place you could navigate back home from.

However, they stared at you... oddly, for a moment. "You look familiar." They said, taking a long drag of their cigarette, all but blowing the smoke into your face rudely, making you cough and try to dust it away.

"Well, uh, I'm sorry but you don't look familiar at all." You replied, all stiffness and worry. "If you don't know where that is, you can just say so."

The person stood up properly, no longer leaning.

"You're one of those... Fatui. The Balladeer's little toy, right?" They asked, and you took a step backwards, but you then bumped into something solid, and seeing a tall, solid man staring down at you with the eyes of a corpse. You nearly screamed, scrambling away desperately, landing on the ground and turning to be on your back, looking around desperately for a way out, but it wasn't that simple--it was like the wolves circling around a wounded deer.

"The Boss would pay a pretty price to have you under his thumb."

You shook your head, tears in your eyes--no matter your strength, weak or powerful, you couldn't overwhelm this many people like this. You doubted you could even scramble away and run.

"Please," you sobbed, not knowing what you were asking for, "Please, don't."

They closed in, slowly...

And, briefly, you were blinded by a flash of white and purple--and deafened by screams of agony.

As the ringing stopped, and everything slowly came back, you saw Scaramouche--he stood there, back facing you, and as he turned back to look at you, blood covered his face, his arms... his clothes. You pushed yourself up to your knees, Scaramouche going down onto one knee, not looking at you--

"I'm sorry," he said, voice low and soft, "Did they hurt you?"

You hesitated, "N-No, no. I only fell in panic." You admitted, looking around--But he grabbed your jaw, making him look at you,

"Don't look at them, I don't want you to see what I did."

You had an idea, if the blood on him was any indication, but you just nodded, holding his wrist so his hand wouldn't leave your face so soon, it moved to cupping your jaw lovingly.

"We should go before someone sees," Scaramouche said plainly. While he wouldn't get in trouble, and as soon as an investigation went underway, they'd drop it as soon as they even had a thought it could have been the Balladeer...

But if you two stayed at the mess, the scene of the crime, that was harder to deal with.

He held you close as you walked, in complete silence. You were tired, the cold sapped all the energy from your body, and while you were on the adrenaline high... you ended up just exhausting yourself instead of doing something with it. Not that you could, but...

The two of you walked inside, and you could smell...

"You made my favourite?" You asked, softly... Scaramouche sighed.

"I did, but it's cold now. I'll reheat it and make it properly tomorrow," He said, though he didn't let you out of his grasp, gently helping you sit at the table, while he was near, working on it.

"That's... sweet. But... That won't fix everything, you know."

The gentle click of silverware, "I know," he said, softly, "But I knew it made you happy." And I like seeing you happy. "Then you didn't come home." And I got scared, so i went out to find you.

There was a moment of silence, and he set down your food in front of you, he just sat down next to you, his hand on your leg... just wanting to make sure you were there.

"We need to talk about this."

"I know... But I don't know how... to."

He was still afraid, like a kitten with his ears folded back, but he was not hissing or snapping... a moment of vulnerability while he waited for an answer.

"I want you to say what you feel," You said, poking at your food, "Don't insult me and assume I know what you meant. Tell me you love me, tell me you got upset or angry. I don't like this guessing game."

He nodded.

"I... Cannot promise it will... be perfect, but I will try." He explained, and you nodded.

"All you can do is try." You reassured, leaning over and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "And maybe go get clean, I don't want you going to bed with blood on you."

He reached up and touched his cheek, half-dried blood on his face.

"Right," but he didn't leave yet... as though he just didn't want to.

You rested your hand on top of yours, and he closed his eyes...

"Scara, were you..." You could see how tired he looked, and the faint stains on his cheeks--so slight you could only see them in the bright room, when he was near motionless, "... Crying?"

He opened his eyes... and sighed.

"I don't like it when we fight."

"Well, we don't have to fight. We can just talk about it, okay?"

"... Okay."

"Now go get clean, I want to finish eating and go to bed. I'll see you then?"

"If you're not in bed I'm going to commit another atrocity," he said, joking, a small smile on his face. You lightly pushed on his shoulder, and he groaned dramatically, before finally getting up.

Things would be, gradually, getting better now.

#genshin impact #scaramouche #genshin x reader #genshin scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #angst #angsty bark #hurt and comfort #bark writes #// summary sounded way r@pier than i intended #// weird wording u get it #// i meant he like had enemies and #// ppl wanted to fucc with him #// somehow i felt like i fucked this one up

[o-wyrmlight]

hello there, i wanna say sorry abt this ask bc normally i really don’t like writing negative asks, but i wanted to know what you thought abt this. there’s a relatively well known user who makes a lot of dark choco and dark cacao content who regularly mocks and berates dark choco while making excuses for dark cacao. obviously this user can think and say whatever they want abt fictional characters, but what really got to me and made me have to avoid their content is how far they go about it, saying things like “if dark choco hates his situation so much he should just leave CoD and go better himself” or calling him a spoiled brat for not considering dark cacao’s trauma more when he was a child, or comparing his trauma to dark cacao’s and minimizing it, saying he doesn’t have a right to be as broken as he is currently. fiction aside its just so beyond victim blamey and gross. they accuse anyone pretty much sympathizes with dark choco of “woobifying” him, as if his fans don’t just, want him to escape his abuse and be happy lol. what makes it worse is that they’re an adult too, i just can’t believe that they confidently put him down all the time like this, even going as far as to imply he was a bad child

Note: I am going to be discussing abuse in a fair amount of detail.

I wonder if this person has ever heard of the Cycle of Abuse. In order, it goes like this:

Rising tensions lead to an explosion. An explosion leads to placation. Placation leads to calmness.

To take Dark Choco's situation as a literal example, let's look at it during the Cookies of Darkness. Dark Choco is confronted by Pomegranate about his loyalty to the Cookies of Darkness. Dark Choco tries to placate her by saying (and trying to convince himself) that he does. Explosion happens when Pomegranate forces him to relive a traumatic memory that breaks his mental and emotional psyche down. Fearing it'll happen afain afterwards--and perhaps almost believing it himself--Dark Choco stares with more conviction that he is loyal.

Enter the honeymoon/calmness phase, which is the phase that makes the abused question whether or not they're overreacting in terms of how they see their situation. It's calm now, they've reconciled and everything seems to be fine. Everything seems to be okay. So surely they're just being... Paranoid. But eventually the rising tensions begin again, and the victim knows what's coming and is willing to do anything in their power to stop it.

I believe that this logic can cleanly define why Dark Choco is staying with the Cookies of Darkness. It's a horrible place that he surrounds himself with, but as far as he knows, it's also the only place that has accepted him with open arms. He feels like it's the last place that he has the option to go to, so he essentially feels trapped into putting up with whatever emotional and psychological abuse they're putting him through. And that's not even touching on what the sword might be putting him through on a daily basis. I'm sure it's a cause of absolute mental fatigue that makes it hard to think clearly.

It really isn't as simple as just 'leaving' the Cookies of Darkness. For better or for worse, the Cookies of Darkness have become his home, the only place he can rely on to be there for him. He doesn't have anywhere else to go, and when Gingerbrave and co offer a place among them, he's already managed to convince himself once again that it's 'not so bad'.

As an aside, we don't actually know what kind of trauma Dark Cacao really went through as a child, so we can't draw any comparisons from that either. This isn't to minimize the trauma that Dark Cacao himself has probably gone through, but it's just. A fact.

Dark Cacao and Dark Choco are just as valid characters as each other. It isn't fair to compare these two with the purpose of demeaning them. What is it about Dark Choco that makes him worse? Is it the fact that he fell victim to a cursed sword? That he nearly killed his father? That he's half-convinced himself that his dream of being a hero is an impossible flight of fancy? That he probably thought for the longest time that he killed his father--his caretaker, his trainer, his idol, whom he wanted to be like--and it tore him to bits and pieces?

People deal with trauma and abuse in different ways. Not everybody is made different. I know that I usually tend to try to avoid the situation when I feel the tensions start to rise up, and Dark Choco himself probably tries to face it head-on and declare it invalid. Or maybe he tries to simply placate the situation in the hopes that it won't spiral into an explosion. Hell if I know.

It's just... So victim blamey. Think about it in real life. If you're a teenager who lives in an abusive household, where the fuck are you supposed to go? You have food. A roof over your head. A warm place to sleep. Where else are you going to find that, when to leave means you will probably be brought right back to them if you're found? Yeesh.

TL;DR: "If Dark Choco hates his situation so much he should leave CoD and better himself" yeah and homeless people should stop being homeless and just buy a house. Glorious insight.

Edit: Sorry for any misspellings or whatever. I wrote this on my phone.

#dark choco cookie #dark cacao cookie #crk #tw: abuse