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sociallyawkward--fics · 9 months

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hi xy time for what is becoming my annual checkin! how are u! i feel like since its been abt a year i have to infodump abt all my character development hold on i'll speedrun it. my pronouns r it/its zhey/zhem or (less preferred) they/them. and i have settled on those. it/its is the only one thats ever given me gender euphoria, took 4 years but i got there. ummm realized i have autism (undiagnosed). love the stimming and the being insane abt fictional characters the rest isnt that great. got anxiety meds!!!!! oh my god xy!!!! life is so good now antidepressants r a girls best friend. also. hold on ur never gonna believe this. i have adhd meds now. the crowd goes wild. was like yea doc idk i just think the anxiety meds r not improving my ability to focus what was that u said abt adhd^__^ n she was like hmmmm ok i cant diagnose u but i can give u this adderall u dont need a diagnosis for n if its like glory hallelujah we'll just assume u have it and GLORY HALLELUJAH. ive cleaned my room like more times in the past few months than i have my entire life im WINNING. i cant rly feel if its working but i'll sit down to write or smth n i wont get distracted every 5 seconds n the mental block that keeps me from doing things is gone!!!!! life changing stuff just wish i had it before my grades fuckin woooo splat. um my gpa is 2.2 weighted im like. ok well now that i have adhd meds im working on it -H (i feel like. ok i think tumblr made it so ur asks can be longer but fuck all those liberals n their woke agenda (joke) i am all abt tradition babey i'll be back for a pt 2 rq)

ummm rly into books love books. "thats old news h everyone knows that" but like im being wonderfully unnormal abt them<3 there was this one series the ascendance trilogy n i was fucking OBSESSED w it when i was younger n i learned there was a 4th n 5th book recently so like. the trilogy thing was a fuckin lie. but i obviously had to reread the series so i could read the new books n im still so obsessed w the series its so banger for a middlegrade series. got so unnormal abt it i made a 7hr playlist for the main character bc everyone elses sucked so much ass i just had to. still in the process of rereading but yeah. also theres this OTHER series the raven cycle i read recently n im also obsessed w that these series r all like my ideal books they hit all my favorite tropes. yeah just being rly unnormal abt books thats my current obsession. also. drawing. im so good at it u wouldnt believe. next fuckin van gogh right here. n honestly i dont even care abt going off anon it just bothers me bc my ROUTINE. the TRADITION. its just not the same. but i'll go off it just for u to show u some of my banger art. at a stage where im pretty frustrated at my limitations but that doesnt mean i cant recognize that im fucking awesome ok hold on again -H but yea ok to finish up what have u been up to! tempted to just ask what shows/game/etc uve been into but also i am exerting a little of my brain power to realize some ppls lives dont revolve around those. so just liek what have u been spending a lot of time doing. how is writing going! wait what r ur drawing skills just out of curiosity draw smth for me (if ur comfy ofc n dw i completely understand if it fuckin sucks taht was me just over a year ago) -H (when i was younger i used to think that ppl couldnt be good at writing n drawing they had to choose one. exerted my baby brain power to be like. it takes too long to get good at them u can only do one. then saw a book w the cover art credited to the author n i was like woahhh this is fuckin crazy living my younger selfs pipe dream)

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The way I have had a reminder on my phone to answer these asks for MONTHS but my executive function has been GARBAGE i am so sorry my friend it was not intentional to leave this sitting for so long i am so sorry!!! (also between the two of us this got Long so i am putting a read more so i don't take up a big block of people's dash in my return from the dead lol)

thank you for pronouns update! congrats on meds!! i gotta get me some of those so i can Detroit: Become Functional lol. I am rooting for you with your GPA!!! Also lol, love that we are following tradition of multiple asks still even with the tumblr updates letting asks be way longer now lol, it is just Familiar To Us

I will have to look into the ascendance trilogy!! My sibling is also obsessed with the raven cycle, but i have not read it yet (still debating if i want to or not, have been for YEARS lol, because i keep hearing "author problematic" and then never remember Why because i have Goldfish Memory). I will not post your off-anon ask with the artwork unless you want me to (want you to feel comfy on the blog and sending asks and I know you prefer anon!), but i will say that your art is AWESOME, my friend!! you are SO good and you're only going to keep getting better! I am glad you enjoy it!

Also bestie. This is a neurodivergent space lol, my life also revolves around shows/games/books/etc. they are the only thing that make the monotony of life and job-having under a neurotypical capitalistic society bearable lol. I actually have been getting back into reading ACTUAL BOOKS lately which feels GREAT (because reading Actual Books when i am so tired and Non-Functioning all the time is Hard lol), i am finally going through my seemingly-endless TBR and also have reread some old faves this year. Games-wise, the only thing i ever think about is still the Dragon Age games, Alistair is the love and light of my life lol. Show-wise.... i am in Limbo because of the Exhaustion, tragically, and also just waiting on new seasons (OFMD). Witcher has a new season out, but i have not watched it yet because Energy and also i have no motivation to because the last season they put out was so bad (even if i hear this one is good, i have lost trust lol)

Writing is. Not quite going lol. I have not finished a fanfic in ages, and also have made little to no progress on any of my original work attempts either, tragically. Hopefully things look up for me soon cuz I wanna get stuff DONE again lol, this blog has become so quiet and near obsolete because i cannot FINISH anything and it is TRAGIC.

Also, I have little-to-no drawing skills, but I also unfortunately do not have much energy to apply to drawing you a picture atm :(( maybe someday. Sometimes I can draw something that makes me go "omg i am not Awful, maybe I could actually put thoughts and energy into learning this as a skill" and other times it is like "i will never put pencil to paper (or stylus to screen) ever again" lol. Maybe someday when i am doing Better again i will hopefully have the energy to draw you something!!

#ask #anon #H anon #oh also fun fact i am teaching myself like. how do you say it in a way that makes sense lol. like how to make resin crafts n such

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evelyn-d-art · 3 years

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somni fratrem

#the raven cycle #ronan lynch #the dreamer trilogy #the dream thieves #chainsaw trc #trc #the raven boys #celtic knot #celtic art #artists on tumblr #procreate art #digital art #pynch #more raven cycle art! it's the only thing i can draw now

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vkelleyart · 2 years

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Hi! I just wanted to let you know your work is hanging on my wall!

also! wanted to ask how your reading list is going? have you gotten to more of TJ's books (The Extraordinaries? or Tales From Verania?) or another one I recommended All Kinds of Other by James Sie. OH! I hope you get to read The Raven Cycle or Half Bad series before they make them into TV shows (because I know you don't like to do art of books that have movies/shows) any ways! love seeing all you're up to looking forward to seeing what you do next (oh! you ever get to see Skam and/or Druck?) I love watching you find a new cool book and you're original work is amazing!

Batboy!! Oh, how lovely! I'm so honored. 🥰 Thanks so much for sharing this picture!

As for the reading list, it's going better than expected! I did finish the first in the Tales From Verania series recently, which I loved (among the things I gave TJ was a quickie sketch of Gary, the gayest unicorn I've ever drawn, LOL) and am hoping to start Extraordinaries soon. Right now I'm in self-editing boot camp, so much of my reading has been instructional, BUT, I have finished some fun reads lately and can recommend a few back to you! The theme appears to be Asian/Asian American:

A Light From Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki: A trans girl named Katrina Wen runs away from home with nothing but her violin, only to meet up with Shizuka Satomi, world renown violin teacher and collector of souls. As a violinist myself, this book made me SO HAPPY. There is also a very funky donut shop of interest and a queer romance plot line. Highly recommend. (TW: abuse, sex work, rape, depictions of racism)

Gearbreakers by Zoe Hana Mikuta: This is the first in a... series? Duology? I can't remember. But it it's basically Hunger Games meets "Pacific Rim" with some very intense action between Godolia's mechanical "Gods" and the Gearbreakers who take them down. Of note is the sapphic romance between the two main characters, Eris Shindanai, the leader of the gearbreakers, and Sona Steelcrest, a Valkyrie pilot for Godolia hell bent on taking them down from the inside. Art for this one is coming. :) (TW: violence, death, blood, genocide...)

The Watchmaker of Filagree Street by Natasha Pulley: This one was a dense read, but beyond a certain point, the book reveals its genius to you. Set in the 1880s, Thaniel Steepleton must investigate a lonely Japanese immigrant, Keita Mori, after a pocket watch Mori has made basically saves Thaniel from a bomb blast. I can't say more without being spoilery, but it's queer and Victorian and very cerebral. I'm hoping to draw a bit from this one as well! (Thanks again for recommending it, @singerofsimplesongs!) (TW: Victorian attitudes, mysogyny, violence, blood)

So yeah, slowly but surely, I'm getting through the TBR list! I haven't watched Skam or Druck yet, I'm afraid, because December has been incredibly intense so far, but hopefully I can do some binging over the holidays!

Thanks again for all your excellent recommendations. Looking forward to getting through more of them! ❤️

#asks

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carriagelamp · 3 years

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Since it’s Pride Month, I decided this year I wanted to raid the library for a bunch of different queer books to read. Mostly graphic novels in this case, because I’ve had a hard time settling into much reading lately... thought hopefully now that it’s summer and I finally have my second shot I’ll be able to relax a bit more and dig into some heavier novels again. For now, enjoy some light, queer reads that I indulged in this June.

A Wolf Called Wander

A beautiful novel I had been hearing lots about. This story follows the young wolf Swift, who grows up knowing that he and his pack are the mountains, and the mountains are them. It’s in those mountains that he grows and learns and loves… until disaster strikes and he finds himself viciously torn apart from his family and forced out of the mountains that have always meant home to him. Forced to survive on his own. Swift then begins a gruelling journey that makes him face injury, starvation, and the everpresent danger of humans as he seeks a new place he can call home, and new people with whom he can form a pack.

This is all based on the true story of a tagged wolf known as OR-7, following the unbelievable route he took through Oregon and northern California! It was a very neat read, and I’d definitely recommend it if you enjoy stories told from an animal’s perspective because this book is a master class in it.

Bloom

I decided for June to try to read a handful of different queer books, and this was one of the first graphic novels I picked up. It is a super sweet story and the art is lovely. It’s about Ari, a boy who has just graduated high school and is now desperate to move away from his small town and his family’s struggling bakery, to join his band in the city where they hope to make it big. An agreement is finally reached: Ari’s father will let him leave, if he can find someone who can replace him in the bakery, which is how Ari meets Hector, someone who sees artistry and peace in baking. For anyone that’s read Check, Please, it gives off those types of vibes!

Boule et Bill: Bill est Maboul

Another book of Dupuis comics, because I can’t get enough of them! This one I just stumbled across and ended up reading on a whim but it was very cute. Geared younger than the others I’ve read, but still quite funny. It’s the charming hijinks of a young boy, his dog, and the family they live with. Each page or so is a different stand alone joke, a bit like Calvin and Hobbes except expanded beyond a single strip.

Chicken Run: Chicken Pies for the Soul

This was a ridiculous urge I got and had to follow. I recently rewatched Chicken Run (which is, of course, one of the best movies ever made) and felt the need to see if it had ever been novelized. Well, I found something better than a novelization! This is a chapter book with “advice” and stories written by the various characters, post-movie. It really does a good job with grasping the different characters’ voices and making something simple and funny out of it. It was very cute (and available on The Internet Archive if anyone else feels like reading something ridiculous!)

Doodleville

I picked this up on a whim and honestly, I shouldn’t have bothered. It was not very impressive. Very mediocre, awkward feeling artwork, and a story that only slightly manages to redeem it. The concept was kind of neat, and I did like how the ending came about, the rest was rather… plodding. I did not like the main character at all, her friends felt very Intentionally Quirky Aren’t We Cute :3 in a way that just tries too hard, and… yeah. Meh. It technically gets the “queer graphic novel flag” but it’s so in-passing that it feels rather excessive to give it that.

If you are interested, it’s about a world were doodles actually exist as living creatures that can be drawn into existence (the rather unsettling implications of which is never fully explored). This is all well and good, until the main character draws a monster and takes it with her to her art club... where it begins ravanging not only her doodles, but those of her friends. Together they need to work together to figure out how to stop this menace.

FRNCK v4

Phenomenal. I adore the FRNCK series, and book four wrapped up the first “cycle”, revealing several of the big secrets dogging the series so far, and changing how things are going to be able to run in the future.

If you haven’t seen me talk about it before, FRNCK is a graphic novel (a franco-belgian bande dessinée) about a young orphan, Franck, who’s chafing under the constant parade of uninterested foster parents that visit the orphanage he lives in. Determined to learn about his mysterious abandonment instead, he flees the orphanage… but finds himself tumbling through time, landing among a family of cave-people who rather reluctantly take him in and ensure this modern boy doesn’t die in the strange, dangerous new surroundings he finds himself in. You can get these ones in English as e-books, so if you want a really kickass graphic novel series to read please try these.

Haikyu!!

I’ve heard so much about Haikyu!! that I finally gave in and picked up the first book from the library. And I gotta say, it’s well worth the hype! This series really does capture the best parts of a good sports manga -- which is to say the team is filled with interesting, enjoyable character who all need to learn to pull together, boost each other’s strengths, and cover for each other’s weaknesses. Love me some found family tropes and this series oozes it in the best possible way. And then you also get some very cool action scenes as it makes high school volleyball seem like the most intense thing on earth. I can’t wait to continue it

Queer Eye

I haven’t been keeping up with Queer Eye but I was watching it ravenously when it first came out, and this seemed like a very cathartic book to read… and it really was. It had the same gentle, loving encouragement as the show. It doesn’t expect you to change your entire life, but to learn to embrace who you are, and take small steps to enhance those things. There a segment written (presumably) by each member of the Fab Five, explaining the mentality behind what they do on the show and how you can grow in those areas too. It’s very zen.

Spinning

I got this graphic novel out at the same time as Bloom, but it was the one that interested me less of the two... though that’s just because I have less interest in “real world” slice of life as a genre and this one is meant to be autobiographical. If you’re into that, you’ll probably love this because it really is stunning. Very pretty, and the format and pacing is all really well done. It’s a coming of age story for Tillie as she grows up dealing with a crosscountry move, complicated friendships, a burgeoning attraction to girls, and attending competitive figure skating classes.

This Place: 150 Years Retold

A stunning and heart-wrenching graphic novel told by a collection of different First Nation’s authors/artists, recounting oral histories about the 150 years since the colonialist formation of the country known as “Canada”. In other words, this is a post-apocalypse story, but one that really happened and that entire peoples are still fighting to survive. It’s very eye opening and beautifully told. Very strongly recommend the read, especially if you’re at all interested in history.

Torchwood: Serenity

Whoops, not technically a book. I had thought these were technically audiobooks at first, but rather they’re audio dramas that were played on the radio. Still, I decided to include one because I’ve been listening to them like a person possessed and they’re too fun not to at least mention. Let me indulge in my obsessions.

If you don’t know Torchwood, it’s a BBC series that spins-off from Doctor Who, focusing on the enigmatic and flirtatious Captain Jack Harkness, who is running the covert organization known as Torchwood, which is tasked to protect humanity from and prepare them for alien contact. It’s goofy and campy but also more adult and heavy than Doctor Who tends to get, so it is (in my opinion) a really fascinating series. Though it also has content warnings coming out the wazoo so maybe make sure it’s for you before delving in.

Serenity specifically is possibly one of the best Torchwood stories I’ve ever experienced. The Torchwood team concludes that there’s an undercover alien hiding in the idyllic gated community Serenity Plaza, and so that means it’s up to Jack and Ianto to go undercover as a happily married couple and flush out the alien without being discovered first. Even if it means being sickly sweet together, pretending to care about the local neighbourhood barbecues, and actually caring a bit too much about the Best Front Lawn competition. What is truly magical about this one, is that it manages to make it a Fake Dating AU despite the fact that Jack and Ianto are actually dating in canon. But they’re both used to dating as a pair of alien hunters with insanely dysfunctional lives, and who now need to figure out how to deal with domesticity. It is marvellous.

Wilderlore: The Accidental Apprentice

A middle grade novel that felt a bit like a cross between Harry Potter and Pokemon. It’s about orphan Barclay Thorne who wants nothing more than to be accepted in the rule-bound village of Dullshire, and live up to his apprenticeship as a mushroom farmer. He certainly wants nothing to do with the fearsome Beasts who live beyond the village, deep in the Woods or the sinister Lorekeepers that bond with them. It was, after all, a Beast that had killed his parents all those years ago. But when he finds himself at the very edge of the forest, hunting for an elusive mushroom, he is suddenly unable to avoid any of that. Not when a wild girl and her bonded dragon appear to summon a horrible Beast and end up getting Barclay bonded to it instead. Now, if Barclay ever wants to be welcomed back into his home, he has no choice but to venture into the Woods and find a way to sever the bond imprisoning him to the massive, monstrous wolf now imprinted on his body as a living tattoo.

I honestly can’t decide how I felt about this one. I feel like it’d be a really fun read for maybe a grade 5 to 7 student? I was a bit more meh about it. It was fine, but it was very hard not to draw unfavourable parallels to Harry Potter. But for a kid who’s never read Harry Potter? Or even an adult that has but is looking for something different to scratch that itch, this might be a good book to try. I’ll probably try reading the second book when it comes out.

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amphipodgirl · 3 years

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Writer Tag Game

Thank you for tagging me @captain-aralias !

I tag @sillyunicorn @omgcmere @carryonsimoncarryonbaz @palimpsessed @aristocratic-otter as well as the people I mention in my answers below -- but only if you’re in the mood.

how many works do you have on AO3? 20, split between two accounts (one nsfw, one sfw)

what’s your total AO3 word count? 151,533 since March 2020

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they? 4 that I’ve really written something for -- Carry On (the vast majority of my fics); For Real by Alexis Hall; the Arden St. Ives series by Alexis Hall; and Docile by K.M. Szpara. There are also two that I’ve only tagged in crossovers -- the Book of Exodus and Mark Steel’s in Town.

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Parent-Teacher Association

Soul Bands

Bonfire Night

Coffee

Mi Chamoca (Who Is Like You)

They’re all SFW Carry On fics.

do you respond to comments, why or why not? Almost always! I love love getting comments and want to at least thank the person for taking the time. Sometimes they say something more detailed about my fic and then I get to natter on for a while, which is fun. My favorite thing is exchanges of detailed comments and responses, whether it’s my fic or someone else’s. I have a lovely friendship that started with me writing thousands of words of comments on someone else’s fic as it came out chapter by chapter.

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? I only write happy endings.

have you ever received hate on a fic? No, I’m glad to say!

do you write smut? if so what kind? Oh yes! There’s almost always a D/s element of some kind. The biggest exception is my recently-published What Love Sounds Like -- canon (Docile) is almost all non-con and dub-con and the fic is all about the characters trying to build a functional, equal, consensual relationship and even consensual D/s would be very challenging for them because of their history. Most of my smut is pwp, but I’ve recently starting having more of a story. Serves Me Right had some plot, though it was still all about the relationships. What Love Sounds Like has a tech/business plot thread and some family and friend relationship stuff in addition to the smut and the romance plot thread. It’s my longest fic to date and I’m very proud of it. Tasting Menu is my favorite PWP.

have you ever had a fic stolen? not that I know of

have you ever had a fic translated? Not yet.

I will add a question here:

what about other related works (podfics, spinoffs, remixes, art, etc.)? When I wrote I’ll Melt With You, @xivz did a podfic and @kirito-potter did art at my request -- it was a group birthday project for @peachpit-gabe. @knitbelove wrote a fic inspired by Mi Chamocha and @knitbelove and @super-duper-twelve both did unsolicited art for it. I’ve also commissioned art by @peachpit-gabe for a few of my fics. I highly recommend commissioning art if you can afford it -- it feels so good to have your stuff made into pictures, and it’s a good way to support fan artists. It can draw new readers, too.

have you ever co-written a fic before? No, but I’d be open to it.

what’s your all time favorite ship? That I’ve actually written? Right now I’m all about Alex/Elisha from Docile. I also really love Arden/Caspian from the Arden St. Ives books, but even though I’ve written a fic for the series, it wasn’t those two. I’ll always have a soft spot for Snowbaz; Carry On was my first real fandom. I love love love reading Pynch (Raven Cycle) but haven’t written any. And I’ve adored Spuffy for decades.

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I’ve started a sequel to PTA called The Longest Time. I really love that AU and their story cries out for more, but Carry On is really not my focus any more.

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I could do small amounts in a language I knew (Hebrew, French, and maybe Spanish) but honestly I don’t see the point -- most readers won’t understand it.

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written? God, that’s a hard question. If I *have* to pick just one, I guess Mi Chamocha? But I really love What Love Sounds Like, PTA, Soul Bands, Serves Me Right, and Bonfire Night too.

I’m gonna add another question because I want to answer it:

Do you ever make anything else for your fics? (art, playlists, moodboards, banners, etc.) I’ve done moodboards for a couple of fics, and I do banners for most of them. I’m not artistic or musical enough for art or playlists. I did detailed author’s notes for Mi Chamocha.

And I’m adding this mostly to see my friends’ answers:

What fic was hardest to write? Mi Chamocha was my first really long fic and had some thorny consent issues that gave me writer’s block for a while. And I thought that the double fake-dating plot in Bonfire Night was going to make my head explode -- but then I bought Scrivener and things got easier.

#tag game #fan fiction #docile #arden st. ives #for real #carry on

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chibimyumi · 4 years

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Hi there! So I've been meaning to ask this for a while after realizing it, but don't O!Ciel's, Doll's, Alois', and Lizzy's color schemes kind of reveal their past and future a tad bit? I've know Alois outfits are bold yet kind of gothic colors like violet emerald green black and brown which all in the world of art are color forms of different emotions depending how you work with them, green being envy or disgusted but he hides it with royal purple, black means wounded which are his shorts & tie

Dear Blackbutlerfandomnerddomain,

While colour symbolism is popular, I personally don’t think the colours in Kuroshitsuji’s costumes are supposed to deliver any meaning other than aesthetic value. Especially with O!Ciel and Lizzie we can say with some certainty colour symbolism is not within the intention, because they change clothes in every single illustration, and every time they wear different colours. Yes, these characters do have tones they tend to wear, but that’s how real people dress themselves too. Somebody who likes calm colours is slightly less likely to have a rainbow assortment of neon, for example.

This is simply the way I understand Yana’s style, there’s not really ONE correct answer here. So feel free to read as much into the colours as it pleases you. But as I personally see it, Yana’s style of using symbolism tends to rely on objects rather than colours. Allow me to briefly analyse two artworks to illustrate what I mean and how I came to my understanding.

Case One

One of the most famous artworks is the front illustration of the second illustration book. Many colours including green, red, blue, white, gold are all present here.

One could make arguments for the black and white of the Earl’s attire being symbolism, but this meaning is quickly overshadowed by the ravens emerging from the Escher patterns. Red is the most eye-catching colour in this illustration. One might say O!Ciel’s gloves being red means to symbolise his hands being blood-dyed, or his shoes red because he walks a bloody path... but then how do we explain the inside of the drape or Sebastian’s waistcoat?

The setting is a place that appears to be a type of greenhouse; a place built to maximise the function of sunlight. And yet, while the illustration seems to suggest it is daytime, the sun is failing miserably in face of the heavy clouds. Rather than painting the sky ominous red or just dark, Yana uses the unsuccessful sun to set a mood or convey symbolism. “Is the white light against the dark clouds not also a type of colour symbolism?” Yes, it may be, but then one should also ask the question: "why choose a greenhouse then, and not any other setting that could have conveyed the light/dark contrast?”

Case two

Another famous piece is this 2014 artwork. The overall tone is gloomy and is mostly lacking in colours. Though held back in terms of colour, there is a lot to be unpacked here!

The first thing that catches the eye is indeed the overwhelmingly sombre palate of this illustration. Black can symbolise many things, but when 70% of the illustration is black, one could say this illustration is either incompetent in conveying symbolism in it being over-saturated with “meaning”, or that the black is merely here to set a tone.

Instead, we can see white lilies in O!Ciel’s hair as well as one stem carried by Sebas. Rather than colour symbolism, Japan has a long history of flower-symbolism (花言葉・Hanakotoba), and Yana herself is big fan of this style. When Western culture was introduced to Japan, black and white lilies were accepted as symbols for death.

The composition of the artwork leads the eye from the bottom left corner to the top right. This guides our vision to the empty plate at the top of the table, where a bright white saucer lies with a conspicuous bit of red sauce.

Red might symbolise blood here, and it is befitting. But more importantly we also need to consider this choice from an artist’s point of view. How many different colours of edible sauces are there? There’s chocolate sauce and other dark sauces, but that would just blend in with the rest of the illustration. Yellowy sauce is certainly a thing, but that’d be overpowered by the golden details. So red is the only bright colour that would make the empty saucer pop out. The Empty saucer has a fork placed diagonally on top, meaning that somebody had consumed food and is now finished. Rather than the colour of red, I think it is the now-empty saucer that is supposed to symbolise Sebastian’s goal of consuming his master.

Next to the saucer is the skeleton of a bird; presumably a crow judging from the size. Skeletons universally symbolise death, but it has nothing to do with the colour.

In Japanese native culture the topic of ‘death’ is big taboo. In older Japanese buildings for example, the 4th floor would often be skipped because ‘4′ (四・shi) is a homophone of death (死・shi).

In the past when Buddhism was introduced, the Japanese embraced this religion with open arms because finally there was something else that would deal with ‘death’ while native culture could stay in its comfort-zone. It was a bit like: “we do we... Hey, Buddhism, can you take care of that thing we’re too afraid of for us? Thanks dude!” Since the introduction of Buddhism, images of skeletons came to not just mean ‘death’, but more specifically ‘impermanence’ (無常・mujou). Impermanence is one of the core teachings in Buddhism, reminding humanity that everything will eventually come to an end, be it good or bad. With Buddhism introduced, skeletons were no longer only associated with pure fear, but instead gained an additional meaning of acceptance of change and the cycle of nature.

The origins of the meaning of skeletons have blurred through the years, many Japanese people probably don’t even know why things evoke certain meanings in them (just like in other cultures, I presume). But fact remains that though still macabre, in Japan a skeleton is now assumed to symbolise the naturalness of death.

That the skeleton of the bird is preserved in a glass dome is interesting. Glass domes’ function is primarily display. Out of all things, Yana chose to specifically display the symbol of impermanence and death, meaning that within this artwork that skeleton is the key object of display. In human subjectivity death is finite and fearsome. To a demon like Sebastian however (from whose perspective we view this artwork as he’s the only one awake here), he probably views death more akin to the way Buddhism views it; as just impermanence. I am NOT saying that Sebastian subscribes to a Buddhist philosophy, but I am saying that he must view death a lot more neutrally than most humans do.

Most Japanese people are not raised consciously religiously, but everyone is always influenced to some extent, Yana included. And therefore it is no surprise that Yana might have been inspired by the neutral view towards death (for at least Sebastian), even if she might not know where this inspiration comes from.

The casualness of ‘death’ in this illustration is further indicated by the coffin that is set up as a dining table. There is no respect, no ceremony, objects are scattered on top and around. The message is rather straightforward so I shall waste no more time explaining the obvious here. But I do wish to point out how this gives further evidence for how the meanings of this illustration should be considered from Sebas’ perspective, just like the crow’s skeleton as explained above. What is finite to us, is just a fact of nature to Sebas.

Conclusion

Yana has created many illustrations. Not all include symbolism, but the more elaborate pieces are usually packed with them. Of course I have only analysed two illustrations, and I would not blame anyone for calling this post insufficient evidence. But... I could just go on and on forever, and I need to draw a line somewhere, right? What I can say with confidence however, is that if you were to grab any artwork by Yana and see it for yourself, rather than colour, item symbolism is stronger.

Also, the way Yana uses colour is just not very symbolism heavy; she has a much stronger tendency to use colours purely aesthetically. Take any of the inside covers of this series, and one would quickly find out there really is no pattern to be found here.

In a nutshell, Yana’s colouring style is mostly aesthetic and used to set a tone for her illustrations. What carries the symbolism instead is in the objects.

Again, this is merely how I personally read Yana’s illustrations and an elaboration of how I came to this reading. There is not one correct answer to read illustrations, because art is subjective in its core. So if the colours do mean more to you than they do to me, please do enjoy doing so by all means ^^

#Kuroshitsuji #Black Butler #Art #Illustration #art analysis #analysis #I did study art for a bit and it shaped the way I look at art #but the core lesson of art analysis class is that art is always subjective #ALWAYS #symbolism

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concussed-to-pieces · 4 years

Text

To Tell You The Truth Part Three

Fandom: Prospect [2018]

Pairing: Eventual Ezra/Prospector!Reader

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: Good morning, good evening! I hope you're all doing well. Enjoy!

Tag List: @huliabitch @renegademustelid @wrestlingfae @zombiexbody @sporadic-fics @rzrcrst @lackofhonor @the-feckless-wonder @arrowswithwifi

Part One

Part Two

[!TRIGGER WARNING!: This installment contains graphic depictions of gore and allusions to previous abuse. Stay safe!]

Bakhroma loomed massive and pinkish-tan on the horizon ahead as you bent double, hands on your knees while you struggled for breath. No doubt you had pushed your filter carbon far past its limits with your headlong sprint heats through the Green. A quick look confirmed your suspicions; the indicator blinked sluggishly at the bottom of the red lines.

You bit your lip, barely reining in the panic threatening to engulf you yet again. You had no idea where you were. Damon was the one with the map, and Ezra...he was the only person alive who might be able to help you. Your heart dropped as you realized that all your running had really done was prolong the inevitable.

You sank to the ground, staring up at the planet that dominated most of the sky in front of you. The hazy atmosphere around it was bright orange, fading into the navy blue of the cosmos backdrop. Checking your watch, you saw that the first cycle had kicked into the second several hours ago, though the light level didn't seem to have changed at all. The cloying, overbearing vegetation around you abruptly made sense. This moon was not only humid, it was also bathed in light for much longer than the standard twenty-four cycle.

Moving robotically as your legs began to protest, you lumbered stiffly back to the treeline to suss out the spring you had passed by. You would need water. Even if you weren't in the right headspace to be thirsty, dehydration was not something to sneeze at.

You knelt in the mud alongside the spring, the coolness welcome on your overworked knees even through your suit. Pumping and purifying water always took longer than it ought to, and you found yourself staring blankly off into the distance as you filled your first jug.

You were working on the second when your helmet earpiece suddenly crackled to life with a shrill whine of static.

"-llo...hello to the Green."

Ezra?

You swiveled your head wildly to look around and the static increased with the motion, making you slow to a stop. It was a stationary transmission, then. Your helmet must be picking up a long range somewhere nearby.

You rose to your feet while rushing to stow the jugs of filtered water in your day pack, tilting your head and mentally begging Ezra to keep talking. He did not disappoint, his drawling voice and the bursts of intermittent static your compass through the tangled overgrowth.

"...one or two pearls...that I will be willing to part with for well under the peakest commercial rates. Nothin' funny."

It sounded like he hadn't managed to get what he needed to fix the drop pod. Your eyes burned with tears.

"Just a desperate man tryin' to make a bad deal with the right holdout."

Brick red flickered through the Green's lush verdancy and you realized after a moment that it was canvas. A tent solidified out of the thick brush as you advanced, the roof coated in a generous layer of amber-yellow dust.

"...anyone is out there...don't hesitate to click on." The signal was nearly free of static at this point. This tent was the obvious origin of the broadcast. But now the question was...whether that message was prerecorded or not.

You hid beside a large, gnarled tree and pondered your next move. Sure, you had the pistol. If it did you any good was an entirely different animal, but you definitely had it.

It felt sturdy in your hand compared to the flimsy Boscelot thrower rifle. Solid.

Maybe...maybe you could reason with Ezra at gunpoint. Strike some kind of new bargain. You had nothing to put on the table this time, however. Everything had been in that pack, and you highly doubted the other prospector was interested in your sketchbooks. It would have to be at gunpoint. He had the resources, but you had the gun.

Just like Damon.

You hated yourself in that moment, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath. Then, you darted across the space to the tent, ears straining to catch any noise from inside the structure. You couldn't hear much through your helmet to begin with.

After a quick prayer, you unzipped the tent and cautiously ducked your head to enter, leading with the thrower pistol clutched in your hands.

Someone seized your arm like a steel trap and you were ripped through the doorway, the pistol getting knocked out of your grasp in the process. Your plan effectively destroyed, you succumbed to panic, thrashing and attempting to claw at your assailant even with your gloves on. You twisted your head around to try and catch a glimpse--

And those bloodshot blue eyes seemed to loom up at you from the dimly-lit interior, making you scream out in terror, "No, no, Damon please!" as you struggled to get free.

He all but wrestled you bodily into one of the tent bunks, grunting in pain when you beat your gloved fists into his ribs. You weren't sure if it was just because of the adrenaline or if it was due to how long you had been separated from him, but you had never fought him this hard in your life! You had always just accepted, given in, bowed to his demands. Where had this tenacity even come from?

"Not again, not again!" You sobbed, futilely kicking your legs to try and throw him off of you. "P-Please, please, please--!"

"Gentle soul, if you do not cease tenderizin' my ribcage in this most belligerent and unneighborly manner," a familiar drawl met your ears through your thick helmet, "I will have no resource but to employ far more drastically militant tactics. Be still."

That voice! You froze, your hands still bunched up to tear at the fabric of his exosuit. Ezra.

His large form seemed to solidify in the exceedingly-dreary tent lighting now that you weren't fighting for your life, and you realized with a rush of embarrassment that it hadn't been Damon's eyes you saw, but the distorted reflection of the whites of your own in your helmet's dome. That, coupled with your imagination...

Damon was dead. How could you have forgotten? Damon was dead. It was just Ezra.

Does that make it any better?

You released him without a word, scrambling back as far as you could and drawing your knees to your chest in a defensive stance. Ezra stumbled upright, reaching overhead with his left hand to press a few buttons. The tent's air scrubber rattled sluggishly to life. "You can take off the helmet." He muttered.

You did so almost immediately, taking a greedy inhale of the dubiously-clean oxygen. A bit bar hit the threadbare bunk webbing by your feet and you ripped the colorful wrapper open, tearing chunks out of the crunchy substance with your teeth. As you devoured the bar ravenously, you realized that Ezra was utterly silent.

You dared to flick your eyes up and found him studying you, his expression pensive in the sickly orange twilight of the tent. You gulped down the bite of Calori-paste that now threatened to choke you. "I...I'm sorry." You apologized thickly. "I shouldn't have-"

"Be quiet and finish the bar, gentle soul." Ezra instructed softly. He sounded unsettled, of all things. Like he expected you to turn on him any second. "I believe I have unfortunately deduced the answer to the mystery I had pondered earlier, though I wholeheartedly regret opening that proverbial Pandora's box." He shook his head.

The Calori-paste sat in your stomach like a block of lead. You struggled through the last few bites, washing them down with swigs of plasticky water from your canteen. You held out the other bottle that you had filtered as a sort of silent peace offering and Ezra accepted it without hesitation, the older man proceeding to gulp half the bottle in one go.

"I know you may not be overly inclined towards listenin' to me at the moment," he gasped out, wiping the moisture off his mustache. "But I'm afraid my situation has grown even more dire than previously implied." He raised his eyes to meet your own. "I...I need your help." He confessed.

You took another drink of water to give you the time to collect your thoughts. You were certain your disbelief was plain on your face; you had never been gifted in the art of hiding your turns of expression.

Ezra snorted, lowering his body to sit on the far end of the bunk. "The Saders were not exceptionally keen on barterin' with me once you made your timely departure." He held his arm, wincing and no longer looking at you. "I managed to convince them to swap me some of their ambrosia for supplies, instead of-" He halted, his shoulders going rigid before he carefully continued, "I cannot excise the infection without assistance, and if I do not remove it with an exceedingly low degree of error, I will lose the whole arm."

You swallowed hard, clenching your fist so tight that the handle on the water jug creaked as you asked, "Were you going to give me to them?"

You knew that all Ezra had to do was say exactly what you wanted to hear. But you could live with the prettier lie if it got you off the Green. You could pretend to trust, pantomime the partnership.

His eyebrows drew together in a dark frown and you watched his jaw work sporadically before he finally exhaled a singular, monosyllabic, "no."

You waited for the rest of the sentence, the emphatic declarations of I would never! or what kind of man do you take me for?, but he remained silent, staring at the tent floor. Weirdly, the lack of long-winded antics made his answer feel more honest somehow. He was obviously a gifted liar, tailoring his technique to his target.

You sighed heavily through your nose. "Okay."

You told yourself that the bewildered gratitude in his eyes must have also been part of his ability to tell falsehoods.

Ezra prepared the sparse surgical supplies from your kit with a somber, almost funereal air. He seemed to be already convinced that his arm was a total loss. Maybe he knew better than to put much stock in the abilities of a battered floater.

You were seized with the uncanny urge to prove him wrong. Your need for validation was what had landed you in this mess with Damon all those stands ago, you reminded yourself, but you couldn't shake the habit so easily. "Did I hurt you? When I...when I hit you?" You asked before you could think better of it.

"No more than the average lighthearted dig dust-up would, gentle soul. Do not trouble yourself on my behalf." Ezra replied dully. "I offer my most sincere reparations for givin' you a fright."

"I spooked myself. I...I saw the reflection of my own eyes in my helmet and I thought…" you trailed off, nervously sipping your water.

"That man, Damon." Ezra hesitated, struggling to secure the band around his upper arm. "I know it is rude to ask after personal affairs, but did he-"

"Don't." You said softly.

To his credit Ezra stopped immediately, busying himself with the tourniquet. After he had completed that arduous task, he bit the cap off of one of the porta-surge syrettes, spitting it out to land neatly in the lid of the field kit. He jabbed the needle home in his shoulder with a poorly-muffled gasp of pain, nearly crushing the tube with the force of his motion before dropping that into the kit lid as well. "The lid is for sharps." He informed you. "We lack a tray or a proper sterile environment, so keep your hands clear."

"I'll cap that once I get gloved up." You assured him. "I'm not leaving a sharp in the field kit. Knowing me, I'd forget it was in there and wind up accidentally pricking myself or something."

Ezra nodded, swallowing convulsively. You took the Ralon scalpel from his slightly-shaky hand. "You ever used one of these?" He asked, his voice gone a bit reedy. His breathing in general seemed poor, off-tempo. He was afraid. The knowledge that he was just as scared as you were made you feel more sure of yourself, for good or ill.

You shook your head in reply to his question, explaining, "I've never used this model before. The one I have for harvesting is much older."

Ezra reached over, flashing you a disingenuous smile. "It's easy."

He pressed down on the side of the scalpel battery pack, activating the laser blade. The whole handle buzzed in your grip, feeling uncannily like your handheld stitcher.

"There's five levels of intensity. Use two for flesh. Four for bone." Bone?! You jerked your head up, meeting his terrified gaze. "You got it?" He choked out after a second.

You nodded stiffly. If he wanted you to know the bone setting, then by Kevva, you would.

His eyes softened and for a split-second he looked like he might cry. "Thank you." He rasped, blinking rapidly and then glancing away.

You rummaged around in the porta-surge for the tiny, standard-issue penlight, immensely thankful that the battery still had enough power to work. The tent was poorly illuminated, outside light barely able to filter through the thick material. "Will this...when I start, is it going to hurt you?" The sterile glove packet made an ungodly amount of noise, crinkling and crackling in your hands as you fought to tear the seal.

Ezra scoffed, demonstrating the sensation that his right arm currently possessed by slapping his limp hand a few times. "I won't feel a thing. Hack away." His breathing was still too fast even as he continued to prattle, "quick, confident strokes are best. Try to go full circuit on the first cut."

You nodded again, one-handedly scooping the syrette and pushing it against the side of the lid to shove the cap back on. Then, you disposed of it in the trash bag by the door. Holding the penlight between your teeth, you smoothed your gloved hand down his arm to pin it securely in place. You were really going to do this. Well, if he wasn't able to feel it...

You had peeled multitudes of aurelac gems in your mining career. You were exceptionally delicate when it came to skinning the pearls. You couldn't recall the last time you had punctured one of the blisters and ruined a pull. Surely...surely this wouldn't be much different.

"I've never had to use these syrettes before. Kinda' nice. Tingly." Ezra commented as the scalpel buzzed to life. "Almost like it's…" With something that might have resembled quick confidence, you began your excision. The laser blade whirred through his epidermis with enviable ease, smoking slightly. "Oh shit. Oh shit." The older man muttered over your head, his whole body gone tense.

"What?" You asked around the penlight. Ezra started panting, his chest heaving violently underneath his threadbare waffle thermal layer. "Does it hurt?"

"No. N...h--I-I don't know. Keep goin'." He stammered. "You're doin' great, k-keep goin' until you think you've got it all." His left hand was clenched so tightly that his knuckles had gone nearly stark white beneath the layers of ground-in dirt. "Once y...once you finish, dump the juice into the wound and th-then cream it a-all sh-iiit, shut, shut." He continued to instruct you through gritted teeth.

You nodded, wholly focused on your task. At least it wasn't difficult to spot where the infection had reached. It turned the tissue and muscle it consumed to a sinister purple-black. You tried to keep your brain separated from the fact that this was a human arm you were methodically carving a chunk out of, a human arm attached to a living person who, despite his incredibly convincing big talk, could definitely feel what you were doing. You deliberately narrowed everything down to being as rapid and thorough as possible, like when you had to harvest in a poor environment. Every extra second you spent was a precious resource you could ill-afford to waste, literally. Thank stars that he had the tourniquet wrapped so tightly, even if the blade did it's damnedest to cauterize as you cut.

Once you were as certain as you could conceivably be that you had removed all the infected matter from the wound, you sloshed some of the Sader's juice from Ezra's canteen onto the exposed area. It hissed and steamed like boiling water and Ezra buried his face in the crook of his left elbow, biting down on his sleeve and screaming into the fabric.

Your hands finally started to tremble as you loaded the patch gun and listened to him dry heave, but you doggedly kept at it. Just a little more to go. It felt like it took an eternity for the stupid cream to expand. The reload was probably years past its expiration date.

And then it was over.

You carefully gathered up the grotesque little pieces of your handiwork that had fallen on the floor, balling everything into your fist. The gloves squeaked wetly when you stripped them, turning them inside out as you did to keep the blood and organic matter contained. They dropped into the waste bag by the door, plopping sadly down next to the spent syrette on a bed of bit bar wrappers.

You shakily switched off your penlight and took a step back, reaching for one of the tiny antiseptic wipe packets. Despite your best efforts, the skin of your wrists was spattered here and there with blood. You scrubbed at the rusty fluid silently.

Ezra's whole body was shuddering with every groaning retch, saliva hanging in thick strands from the bottom of his slack mouth as he rocked his way through the pain and clearly fought down the urge to vomit. Moved by the admittedly-pitiful sight, you tugged loose your bandanna and wiped off his chin. "It's done." You informed him softly.

He caught your wrist before you could pull away and you were shocked when he pressed a sloppy kiss to your knuckles. "You are Kevva-sent, gentle soul, never let anyone t-tell you otherwise." He grated, "Divinity incarnate; a damn valkyrie in floater's clothing, decidin' my fate on the battlefield."

You squinted at him, down at the grisly mass of expanded foam and then back at his face. "I don't know if I would count this as a battlefield, Ezra."

"Martyr's malfeasance," he swore, his voice cracking, "you can attempt to dismiss it but I will never forget this kindness, gentle soul. Not even in the next life."

"Don't...look, let's just hope I did everything right." The insanity of the task you had just performed struck you anew and hysteria bloomed in your chest. At the same time, his heartfelt proclamations of gratitude settled low in your belly, a flickering flame of pride that you wanted to shelter and nurture. You sat down hard on the bunk, pulling your knees up again. The still-smoking scalpel gleamed at you in the dim light of the tent. "I'm probably gonna' be sick." You warned him faintly.

"You are far from alone in that camp, gentle soul." Ezra replied dolefully. "We'll be spewin' in the same trough shortly, I imagine. I have always been a man...afflicted by the trials of sympathetic vomiting."

"Oh no!" You found yourself caught between laughing and gagging, settling for a retching little snicker. "Come on, don't say stuff like that, you're gonna' make me hurl."

After several queasy moments had passed, he spoke up again, "I know you are just as eager as I to continue on to that mercenary camp, but I must insist on a short reprieve. A burge...burgeoning cloud of exhaustion is relieving me of what little sensibility I possess." He tucked his wounded arm against his chest as he curled up in his bunk. "And I will need time for the syrette to wear off, lest I be rendered an incompetent, staggering buffoon."

"We have to go to them, don't we?" Your voice was tiny.

Ezra sighed. "It would appear so. We will have to throw ourselves upon their proverbial mercies and hope that they are willing to acquiesce in exchange for our harvestin'." He cocked his head to look at you curiously. "Do you actually believe that it's the Queen's Lair they've stumbled upon entirely by chance?"

"Does it matter?" You asked. "Damon thought it was legitimate enough to throw the both of us across the universe in a trashy rental pod. I would say that must count for something, but…" You shrugged, propping yourself up against the end of the bunk.

"I understand. Still though, we will need rest if we are to successfully tackle this conundrum." He drowsily watched you as you dug around in your suit pockets to locate your sketchbook. The current iteration was a beaten memo pad from the pod rental company, each page stamped with the letterhead of Dasha Landcraft Rental.

This was a familiar ritual to you. Turning your brain off whenever you needed to rest was a difficult thing to manage. In your mid-teens you had begun sketching before lights out and found that for some reason, the activity emptied your thoughts enough to allow you to sleep much easier than you had ever managed without it.

You unwound the twine that kept the pages closed and flipped to a fresh one. Trying to recreate the scenery you had witnessed earlier, sketching Bakhroma hovering imposing on the Green's horizon.

"An artist, now that I did not anticipate." Ezra commented. You flinched, realizing how close he had leaned in to watch you. "What else have you drawn, gentle soul? Might I peruse your work?" He requested, his hand extended.

"I'm not--!" You floundered, tilting away and clutching the pad protectively to your chest. "I-I'm not...I'm not an artist. I just…I can't sleep without um, doing. Something like this." You tapped the notepad nervously. "It helps me relax."

Drawing is a waste of time, you should be spending that time cultivating skills relevant to your field.

"No harm in that." Ezra replied agreeably, his words striking a sharp contrast against the echoes of Damon's belittling in your head. His hand remained outstretched, patiently waiting.

You let out your breath slowly, rooting around in your hip pocket for the previous pad you had filled. That one you had pilfered from the Jata Bhalu processing facility, it had an actual hard cover and a loop for a writing implement. You tugged it free and hesitantly passed it to him, stammering once again that you weren't an artist, this was just something you did.

Ezra was devastatingly silent as he leafed through your tiny sketchbook. For someone that you had come to expect to talk, the stillness that permeated the tent made you unnaturally fearful. Your fingernails dug into your memo pad. What if...what if he was judging you? Some of the sketches were tired and messy, some of them smudged from your environment. Tea and coffee and tears blotted the pages. What if he didn't like them?

This was why you didn't show anyone your drawings, you-

"Have you ever considered acquirin' one of the draw-pads? I am no artist myself, but I know that the digital method saves precious space in pods." Ezra suggested. "And a single rainy day could ruins months of this hard work you have stockpiled."

"I...I want one, of course. It's just...they're so expensive and I could never justify it." You murmured, a little sad as you thought back to standing outside the pawn shop of the last freighter and gazing down at the battered box in the window. Out of date models alone were well removed from your price range. You could only imagine how much a brand new one would set you back.

"Puggart Bench West! I'd recognize that dock anywhere." Ezra exclaimed suddenly, wiping his hand off on his leg before he tapped on the page. "West dock is a real hive, isn't it?"

"Oh, y-yeah." You stuttered.

"And this one...a deep space miner? Thing looks at least Fringe kestron grade." Ezra continued, squinting. "Not quite Testin, but it'll do in a pinch. I had a few stands on one of those. Food was shit."

"That was...um, it was just a ship that went by the transport freighter that I was on. Out in the Fringe." You shrugged, grimacing. "I didn't know what kind it was." You reached over with your pencil. "How do you spell 'kestron'?"

"K-e-s," Ezra paused, his brow furrowing, "t-r-o-n. If I'm not mistaken. Hell, it might be t-r-e-n." He admitted. "I'm uncertain, gentle soul. It has been so many stands since I've...since I've seen…" he yawned widely, then set off on another tangent. "In the Pug, there was this...vendor, you follow me, in this mercado." He rolled the 'r' in the unfamiliar word, like he was luxuriating in being able to say it. "They had--shit, it was some sort of...treat, the name is eludin' me. Drizzled honey, cinnamon, that fancy sugar dustin'…"

"Little pillowy things?" You supplied. "When the place made them fresh you could smell them all the way down the block?"

"Kevva, yes, now you got my stomach beggin'." Ezra groaned. "What were they called though?"

"It started with an 's', so...pa-"

"Sopaipillas!" He erupted, his eyes lighting up. "I swear, gentle soul, my heart just skipped a beat." He chuckled dreamily, "As much as I bemoaned the drudgery of it when I was there, I'd love to be back on the Pug right about now. Bench was a eternal shit hole, but at least I could breathe." He lolled his head to the side, looking at you once more. "When you and I escape this Green hell, I insist that you give me the pleasure of your gracious company on an expedition to that hallowed mercado." The older man slurred, his eyes sliding closed. "We will devour countless treats in safety and stroll the docks. A heavenly concept, you must admit."

"That does sound nice." You replied wistfully.

"It is settled, then." He held out his left hand to shake yours and you obliged, feeling childishly hopeful about the whole thing. "Now, set the alarm on that platinum chronometer of yours. Maybe...four hours or so? Kevva knows I'd love longer, but if we hope to arrive with adequate harvest time, we'll need to manage ourselves with caution." Ezra squeezed your hand, his smile weary. "Rest well, gentle soul."

Part Four

#ezra (prospect 2018)#ezra prospect #ezra prospect x reader #ezra x reader #ezra prospect imagine #pedro pascal #pedro pascal imagine #slow burn #eventual romance #prospect 2018 #prospect film #prospect fanfiction #I love one man #also take care of your sharps ffs #canon-typical violence

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syrupa · 3 years

Note

Hello! can I request a matchup? My name is Yumeji, i’m gay and go by he/him pronouns. My personality type is INFJ. I have short brown curley hair and i’m 5’4. I’m chaotic af, I swear 24/7. I stub my toe? I swear. I do something dumb? I swear. I do literally nothing? I swear. At first i’m pretty quiet though, I need to actually be friends with this person to show my chaotic side. I love PDA, i’d probably be following them anywhere while saying the most random shit. I might just yell CHEESE or something like that for no apparent reason. I act all happy and cheerful, but it’s all usually a facade. I like to act all cheery so people don’t worry about me, but i’m reality I have serious depression and anxiety. My thoughts spiral out of control a lot and I really need a hug to snap me out of it. My hobbies are art, singing and animating. I like cats, star gazing, daydreaming, listening to music and talking with close friends. I dislike good ol father dearest, when people interrupt me while I daydream my life away and vegetables, I don’t like vegetables. Anyway, thank you, I hope I did this right.

these can be seen as platonic or romantic

I match you with...

Momo Yaoyorozu

The two of you met at the park. You and a couple friends decided to meet up there since you all had know idea where to go or what to do. All you guys knew was that you were bored and should do something. Waiting at a bench, thoughts began to spiral around and you couldn't stop them. Luckily for you, a nearby hero-in-training spotted you and your situation. She wanted to help you any way she could. But she didn't know exactly what to do. Momo hasn't really helped anyone stuck in your situation. That didn't mean she was going to stand by and do nothing.

"Excuse me sir but are you alright? Do you need anything? Are you sick?" She asked, rubbing your shoulder. The sudden gesture surprised you and you thought it was one of your friends. Turning your head, you soon realized that wasn't the case. You saw a girl with her dark hair in a tight pony tail and she seemed worried or at the very least least concerned.

Putting on your facade, you smiled and responded to the young girl. "I'm alright ma'm! Thank you for the concern." With a stoic face, she shook her head. "I'm sorry for pushing on the matter but I can tell something is wrong. Is something troubling you? If there is then you can rant about to me, I'm listening." This shocked you a bit. You didn't think some random person would treat you with such kindness. You didn't know how to respond. The young girl seemed to notice your shock. "I'm Momo Yaoyorozu! May I take a seat?" You nodded your head.

"If i am making you uncomfortable, i'll leave whenever you like. I just want to lend you an ear to talk to." You don't know how it happened, but you vented out everything to her. Maybe your feelings were getting too overwhelming? Maybe it was just the spur? You weren't quite sure. But the polite lady comforted you through everything.

"Thank you for... this." You quickly said, trying to wipe away your tears with your sleeve. The girl gave you a genuine smile and offered you a napkin. Wait since when did she have a napkin? "My quirk allows me to create objects." Oh. "Thank you again." You said standing up. "No need to thank me, do you want my number just in case you need someone to vent to again?" Her kindness once again shocked you. "Uh yeah actually, that sounds nice." She swiftly made a pen and notepad to write down her number.

Your interaction with that Yaoyorozu girl never left your mind. She really saw a complete stranger zoning out and said, "Ima change this persons entire day." You stared at the number on your phone. Today you just really needed someone to talk to and you didn't know who. You scrolled through your contacts until you saw hers. The dark haired ponytail girl who comforted you about your problems despite not even knowing you.

Her kind words played back into your head and you found yourself texting her for comfort. Almost instantly after you sent the message she responded, asking if you wanted to vent through a call or just text. Choosing text, you began sending her mountains of text messages, just ranting about life. And she listened. She listened to every single word. She comforted you, gave you amazing advice, and offered you encouraging words. She was so good at this, it was like she was your therapist.

A little after that incident, you thought about how unfair it was for her. She had to make time out of her day for you, some guy she met at the park, just to hear you rant about your dumb problems. You should do something for her, you should give her something in return! Wait she offered to do this, why am i feeling bad? Yeah it was her own fault. Still maybe i should do something for her.

After basically fighting with yourself, you decided you'd ask to meet at the same park you met at to treat her to some coffee. To make it less awkward, you'd invite a friend. You sent her a small text saying, do you want to get some coffee with me and a friend tomorrow? Her response wasn't as quick as it was when you sent the text asking to vent to her but it was still rather fast. ofc! where and when? :) You gave her the information and turned off your phone, heading to bed.

The next day, you got up and got ready for your little hangout. You met up with your friend and headed to the park. At said park, you saw she was already there waiting. You wanted to ease the tension and said. "Well you're early." No shit Sherlock you uttered to yourself. Momo nodded her head with a smile. "Let's start heading off to the coffee place." You and your friend agreed.

The whole thing was surprisingly fun. You mixed well together due to the huge difference in personalities. It wasn't awkward at all and it felt like you were simply hanging out with another friend instead of some random girl who comforted you at the park. After that experience, you started to invite her to more hangouts with your friends. Instead of only speaking to her when you were sad, you began speaking to her on a regular bases, having full on conversations about whatever was on both of your minds. You two had gotten very close and the relationship you built was extraordinary.

The dynamic was basically: Mom and Chaotic Child. I think you already know who is what role.

She's gotten used to the foul things you say. You'll be latching on to her arm and saying the weirdest stuff and she'll just stand there like it's an average Tuesday. (it is for her) Jiro wonders how she hasn't lost her mind by now. Momo will say something about it if your around certain people though. Just making sure you don't get your ass kicked.

Momo has a deep appreciation for art. When you show her your animations, she's so proud of you. Praises you so fucking much it's crazy. If you ever need someone to help you visualize certain poses, she's always up for it. She'll make time out of her day to do it. If you draw her specifically, AAAAAAAAAAA. She'd be so happy and have a huge smile on her face.

Just like how she is with your art, she's super proud of your singing voice. Talks about your voice a lot whenever the topic of music is brought up. She only has good things to say about you. If you write songs, she'll be so supportive of all of them. And if you ever need help with said songs, she'll talk to Jiro and ask her to help you with whatever you need. Momo isn't confidant in her own skills, especially in music, so having someone like Jiro helping you would be more useful in her mind.

It'll take some convincing but if there's a specific role in a song you need her to do then she will do it. Deep down within her she'll be bursting with joy that you chose her for the role out of everyone. Just please help her improve her confidence. She really needs more.

Makes sure no one breaks you out of your daydreams. If they come up to ask you a question whilst you're in your fantasy world, she'll shoo them away and tell them she'll ask you later. Basically Momo will tell them to fuck off in a kind way whilst whispering. If it's something really important and she has to snap you back to reality, she'll speak in a very soft and comforting tone.

One night, Yaomomo felt like crying. Mistake after mistake, every second she felt like she was the biggest failure in the world. Everything felt so overwhelming. It felt as if she was drowning in a lake of sadness. Every single time she tried to climb out, another round of waves hit her. The ruthless cycle left her feeling pathetic, helpless even. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes, but she bit her lip. Momo put on a tight smile and began walking forward.

You and her had arranged a small hangout under the cherry tree in the park you met at. She wanted to be happy for you. She wanted to be happy for her friends. Momo swore to herself that she wouldn't cancel on you. Even if she was at her lowest, she wanted to be there to help and support you.

Her smile was, to you, clearly forced. The girl's raven hair was a mess, seeming like she was pulling it a moment before. The dark eye bags was a dead give away she was tired. Her hands were balled into fists. And if you looked closer, you could see her thumb digging into the soft skin of her hand. Momo was clearly not okay and you were not going to allow that.

"Yaomomo, everything alright?" you said in a tone that made it obvious you were being serious. She simply nodded her head, taking a seat beside you. "Yaomomo I could tell when you're not okay." Her lips formed a straight line as she closed her eyes. It looked like she was thinking hard about something.

You wouldn't push her to talk about whatever was troubling her but you would try to take her mind off it. You took her hand in yours and rubbed circles into her knuckles. Usually you were on the side of being comforted rather than comforting. But you had to be there for her, exactly how she was there for you. Her kindness blew you away the first time you met and now it was finally the time to repay her for not only that kindness, but all the love she's shown you for the amount of time you've known each other.

The simply gesture snapped her out of her thoughts and her eyes darted down to your hand. Momo's lip then turned into a small smile. Tears began forming in her eyes and she pressed her head into your shoulder. Although you couldn't tell exactly what she was thinking and why she was crying, you were glad you could give her some peace of mind. Not a word was said during this interaction.

You sat in silence as you both watched the stars in all their glory. Choosing to ignore the tears that were running down the girl's face, you shifted slightly and turned your head to face hers. "Do you want to lay down on my lap? I think that would be more comfortable than the position you're in." Momo responded with a simple nod and smile that was enough to melt your heart.

After repositioning, Momo's breath turned even again and her tears soon faded. You both began cracking jokes whilst watching the stars. Laughs and giggles filled the cold night's sky. Exchanging a look you both thought the same thought. I would do anything for you.

#mha matchup #bnha matchup #anime matchup #momo yaoyorozu matchup #syrupa-matchups

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the-last-airbadger · 3 years

Text

My 2020

Hey y’all. So 2020 happened. That was a thing. Apparently. I know for a lot of people this year was uhm… pretty shit… but it was still a year that happened so it’s time for my annual reflection post (probably the only time I still post about myself on tumblr lol) and maybe we might even find some good things that happened this year!

The Beginning of 2020 vs Now

So, a lot has changed since the start of the year. A pandemic happened, for one. I can’t believe that a year ago I could still go to class every day and see my friends and now I’m pretty much stuck at home every day. The year started out pretty normal and then march happened and well, you all know what happened next. The worst part about the pandemic for me personally was probably the fact that I barely see my friends anymore and I can’t go to class every day. Some people may not think that not going to class is that bad, but I really enjoyed university more than I ever enjoyed school and I was really happy going there every day, and I was already sad I’d only have 4 to 5 years to spend there, so when that period got even shorter it made me kinda sad.

On the other hand, I do think that mentally I’m in a much better place than I was last year around this time. Being home this much really gave me time to reflect and work on my issues, and because my sister was stuck in our house for a couple of weeks I got to talk to her a lot which really helped me feel better. I think in general my entire family (my brother, sister and mom) have become a lot more open with each other which I think is great! I guess quarantine can have some benefits.

The Best Things about 2020

Okay, here’s is where we’re going to get even more positive and go over all the good things that happened (to me) this year! To be honest, most of the year was a bit of a blur so I probably will forget quite a bit, but I’m going to give this a try anyway. At the start of the year (when things were still normal) I was super excited to get into the next semester, as the one before had,,, kinda sucked, and those 6 weeks of class I had at the start of the year were really great. I remember me and my friends having a competition of who could get mentioned the most in our teacher’s powerpoint presentation so those classes were always interesting. I also finally got to dye my hair for the first time with the help of my friends. I’ve been wanting to do that for so long, and I’m so happy I finally got to do it! I even know how to do it myself now, and my hair hasn’t been brown since the start of march! Then, at the start of march, my dad and stepmother moved away and I permanently moved in with my mom. Before, I used to live with both my mom and my dad and I got really really sick of switching houses every week, so to finally live in one house and have all my stuff in one place was a bit of a relief to me, and I’m still really happy with it. After that, things become a bit blurry. I remember that at the start of quarantine in … April? I watched Sex Education or the first time, which is now not only one of my favourite shows ever, but also taught me a lot and helped me with some of the issues I was dealing with. We’ll skip over the subsequent sexuality crisis I had (I think I might actually be straight??), and skip straight to the summer, when I started watching I-Land. I watched every episode as it aired live, and because of this show my Fridays really became the highlight of the week. I don’t think I’ve ever been so invested in a survival show XD. The rest of the year was mostly just me spending time with myself. It got a bit lonely sometimes, but I also don’t think I’ve ever written as much as I have this year, and my drawing has significantly improved (if I may say so myself)! Especially towards the end of the year, when I started making a planning every day to prevent myself from wasting away all my time on youtube, I got super productive, and I wrote a lot, and made a lot of art, and I really felt good. I even started (gasp) working out. Yeah I know. Shocking right.

There was also a lot of good music that was released this year, and, to close this section on a great note, through one of my classes I finally found a group of friends to play D&D with! We haven’t actually played yet, but we will, and I’m so excited to play the game and get to know these people more! They all seem really kind!

My Resolutions for 2020?

Now, here’s the part where we check whether I actually reached all the goals I set myself for 2020. As usual, I have no idea what my resolutions were, so I honestly have no idea how I did. Let’s see, shall we?

Express my feelings more (as in I get really awkward in any sappy or mushy situation but I would like to be able to tell people I appreciate them without cringing) – UHM way to attack me on the very first resolution jeez. I did get more open with my family but I still can’t tell people I care about them without cringing so this is a fail lol

Again, learn to depend less on other people’s opinion and trust my own – I’ve been working on it, I think I’ve gotten a bit better? So win?

Get my sleeping schedule back on track – did that! It’s a bit whacky again now because of the holidays, but October and November were a big success regarding this resolution

WRITE MORE. This time I’ll make some concrete goals: Either I’ll get my story’s first draft done, or I’ll write 100 pages on a single project – okay, so here’s the thing. I don’t think I did any of these particular things, however this time I am 100% sure I wrote a lot more than the past years. I cannot count all the files and pages and notes I have now, but I wrote a lot, so I’m counting this as a win

I want to try NaNoWriMo (not necessarily in November, but at some point) – yeah, didn’t do that oops

I want to read a lot again but maybe not as much as this year because I want to focus on writing too. 40 books? – 49 books babey

Read all my current unread books (Aru Shah 2, Skullduggery Pleasant 9, Gemina, The Mistborn Trilogy and Call Down The Hawk) and finish my reread of Heroes of Olympus and the Raven Cycle) – Did all of these except Skullduggery Pleasant 9 (the start was so boring I decided not to read it all) and The Mistborn Trilogy (I am about halfway through the first book I think?) so I’m counting this as half a win

Finally read a book by V.E. Schwab (I’ve been wanting to try one of her books for ages) – Did that! Read a whole trilogy. It was good but not as great as I expected them to be. I think my expectations were too high though

Finish Playing Twilight Princess (I promised my brother) – Did that! I’m really proud of myself and so is my brother

Go. Swimming. Seriously. It’s scandalous that I still haven’t done that after waiting so long to be able to – IT’S BEEN 5 YEARS SINCE I LAST WENT SWIMMING WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I did buy new swimshorts but I still haven’t actually used them… shame on me

Try to worry less about school and not overwork myself – kinda?

Maybe try another drawing challenge somewhere this summer? I haven’t done any of those in a while and I feel like my art needs more attention – okay, so I didn’t do that, but I did at the start of the year make the resolution to make portrait/photoshoot-like drawings for my 8 main oc’s, and I did actually manage to finish that, and they are some of the best drawings I’ve ever made, so though I haven’t actually done a challenge specifically, I did do something

I want to try a 24 hour readathon – Yeah, didn’t do that oops

I kinda want to learn a piano piece as well, but I already have so many hobbies I want to focus on so I don’t know if I’ll have the time ☹ – yeah my dad sold our piano so… fail XD

Expectations for 2021

Now, after last year I think it’s safe to say we can never really know what to expect. But! I’m going to guess anyway because it’ll be really fun to see next year whether I got anything right.

The first thing that I think will probably happen this year (if I don’t majorly mess anything up) is I’ll be writing my thesis next semester, and then in the summer I’ll get my bachelor’s degree. Honestly I can’t believe how fricking fast those 3 years went, but I guess I’ll just have to roll with it lol. Corona vaccinations will also probably start happening next year, and hopefully this will mean that going outside and seeing my friends will be possible again next year – at least a lot more than it was this year. I hope 2021 will be the year of hanging out with friends and getting to live a little again. Maybe even get to go to class. That would be great.

On to more minor – but no less exciting – things, 2021 will probably bring us a new season of Sex Education! I’m sooo excited for that holy shit. And, in a similar vein, I have high hopes for kpop releases now that SHINee is finally back, and it looks like Haseul is also returning to LOONA! 2021 will also be the year in which ENHYPEN makes their first comeback, and some of the other I-LAND contestants will also make their debut, and there might even be a new season of I-LAND as well in the summer? So there’s a lot of things to look forward to. Oh, and I almost forgot, Dan Howell’s book will be released in May, and there will be a new Grishaverse book, and the Shadow and Bone show will start airing, which I am really curious about. Again, lots of things to look forward to!

2021 Resolutions

I’m not feeling as ambitious as I was last year, but there are a couple of things I want to try and do, so let’s jump into the resolutions!

I just came up with this today, but I think I want to try and build a bit of a skincare routine? The skin on my nose is kinda flakey, and I think it couldn’t hurt to try and take better care of my skin

Keep up with my daily workouts. I want to work out every day, except when I’m at my dad’s or when it’s a special day, like Christmas or something.

Be able to do either 50 push-ups on my knees, 25 normal push-ups, or both

GO SWIMMING

Keep up with planning daily! It’s a really good way to balance all of my 3195 hobbies and it helps me to not get stressed about school

Write (almost) every day. I need to make it a habit

Draw at least once a week, every other day if possible

Go outside at least once a week. That doesn’t seem very hard but with corona I did not realise how little I go outside if I am not forced to. Sometimes I spend 3 weeks without going out and I don’t even notice it. That can’t be good for me lol

Try to make healthier food choices. Maybe follow the lunch meal plan of the guy whose workout videos I follow.

Get my bachelor’s degree

Grow a beard. I’m getting closer… I know I’m getting closer…

Meet with my frIENDS and give them the alBUMS I have for them

Be more careful with my money, maybe even save a bit of money

Spend less time on social media

Read more educational books

I think that’s it! I can’t think of anything else right now so these will have to do. I wish that 2021 will treat all of you much better than whatever mess 2020 was! Happy 2021!

Last year’s post: (x)

@the-official-pentacorn @asiandutchgirl

#personal #my 2020 #this year was a wild ride #here's to a better 2021

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littlemisssquiggles · 5 years

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So I don't now if you've already answered this question or talked about it but I' the guy that asked you about the part in the Vol 6 trailer where someone is floating and you said it was Ozma. So there was a tweet from Neath Oum saying some big things were cut and I was thinking it was that scene and that it had something to do with Oscar unlocking his Magic Powers, through flash backs. Sry if my spelling and Grammar is bad English isn't my first language and I'm really tired as I write this :-)

Your grammar is actually fine, Fuzzy.No worries, fam.Alright the point about the mysterious floating person from the V6 trailer NOT being Diggs (Ozma 2.0) is something that’sbeen brought to me more than once before. I’ve been informed by folks who wentto the premiere screening of V6 that concept art was shared that hinted thatthis person is indeed a new character thatwas allegedly supposed to appear last volume but never did.

Alright, no offense to the folks who havecorrected me on this, I just have a hard time believing this mysterious personis a new character. For me, it makes more sense for me to believe it’s Diggs(Ozma 2.0) in a flashback as opposed to an entirely new character. I actuallyshare your theory Fuzzy about the floating person being the former Ozma 2.0 ina flashback dream that Oscar unknowingly experiences.

Like imagine if…Oscar starts having dreams about all of hispast lives coming closer to the Merge? According to Ozpin, when theMerge occurs, he is changed but his memories stay with him.

What if…as the Merge draws nearer, Oscar startsexperiencing the memories of all the past Wizards of Light in dream sequenceswhere he lives through them as if they were his own?

I actually quite like this idea because it’s a noted chance for us fansto get more insight to the lives of the former Wizards that were omitted fromJinn’s rendition of Ozma’s past. Of all the Wizards, we still haven’t seen thelifetimes Ozma lived as Isaac (the Hermitwho created the Maidens), Phadrig (the Kingof Vale who ended the first Great War and founded the huntsmen academies) andlastly Ozpin (the previous Headmaster of Beacon Academy).

I mean granted we technically do know Isaac andPhadrig’s stories respectively through World of Remnant. However, we still don’tknow what Phadrig looks like. At least in the Four Maidens, we saw Isaac’sface. But Phadrig is still a mystery and I’d actually be interested to learnmore about Phadrig’s lifetime especially with how it leads into Ozpin’s story.

I think this idea is most likely to happen. Atsome point, I have a feeling Oscar will be forced to confront Ozpin within hismind especially in the event that he starts being bombarded with memories ofthe other Wizards, Ozpin included.

The piece of the puzzle that has yet to be revealed is how Ozpin died. Imean we know he was killed by Cinder Fall but we never got to see what happenedduring that fight. My reasoning for wanting to know this is because I,personally would like to see what happened for Ozpin to be paired up withOscar.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, Oscar is special. Special in the sense that he is by farthe youngest incarnation to be paired. There has to be a significance to that.Another untoldstory. Let’s not forget the fact that everyone who knew of thereincarnation cycle seemed to be genuinely shocked to see Oz return so soon asOscar.

In V6, Tyrian made the questioning comment ‘So soon?’ after Hazelreported that Ozpin is back. It was the same reaction with Lionheart as well.He too reacted surprised to seeing Oz resurrected so quickly. There isdefinitely more meaning to that. This makes me think of my theory that Oscar ismeant to be the last life—the true incarnation of Ozma. His original form rebornin Modern Remnant awaiting the Merge so he can be made whole again. As always,this is just my speculation but dagnabbit, I’m sticking with it.

Anywhozzits, I have a better chance at believingthat the mystery man in the trailer is Diggs/ Ozma as opposed to the latter ofit being a new person purely for the reason of…how? How is it possible for thereto be another person with that calibre of magic in RWBY when it’s beenestablished that Salem and Ozma were the only remnants of the old era of magicand secondly, why? Why would the Writers introduce someone else with magicalpowers? How would they tie in that into the narrative?

I mean it could easily be a Maiden but…thesetting showed a forested area? The one place in Remnant we’ve seen so muchgreenery is in Mistral and as far as I know, we’ve already established thatRaven is the Spring Maiden so…

I dunno. To all the folks who tried to convinceme that this is a new character, I’m sorry m’dudes and dudettes but this squiggle meister is stubbornly finding it difficult to believe thatthe mystery man isn’t Ozma in a past memory?

Nevermind that concept was revealed. From myunderstanding, concept art doesn’t really reveal much of anything to me. Forall we know it could’ve been scrapped concepts. An old idea they wanted to playaround with?

I’m sorry guys but I just don’t buy into theidea of it being another person. I’m sticking with my guns that mystery man isOzma during his lifetime as Diggs until some new RWBY content proves meotherwise. I share the same stance as you Fuzzy where it I believe this is aflashback—a blast from the past that Oscar will probably have to see or livethrough as a sign of him either unlocking his magical prowess or his inevitablemerge with Oz.

That’s my stance on that.

~LittleMissSquiggles(2019)

#squiggles answers: rwby #oscar pine #professor ozpin #oscar and ozpin #rwby theories #rwby v7 #rwby volume 7 theories #fuzzydazedelusion #pinehead headcanons #squiggles pinehead headcanons

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fallynephemeron · 5 years

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I was tagged by @angrymagicgirlmarsette . Thank you for tagging me!

What genre(s) you write

Betwixt would be difficult to really pinpoint into a typical genre, and considering it’s not going to be printed in book format, I feel it’s not as necessary to try to conform to one.

Breaking new ground here with some combination of web series, episodic fiction, fantasy novel series, with a nod to the long-running format TV soap opera but in written form.

If we’re really talking genre though, I’m drawing heavily from Urban Fantasy, Gothic Romance, Supernatural Horror, with an adequate dose of High Fantasy Epic and Dystopian Adventure for good measure.

What’s on your reading wish list

One thing that’s caught my eye is the Raven Cycle. I’ve loved other things Maggie Stiefvater has written. I’ve read Lament probably 6 times, the imagery draws me in every single time.

Finding the Terry Pratchett Discworld series books I’m missing is kind of high on the list. I’ve read all of them, but some were read over 20 years ago and I want to revisit them. I used to be a voracious reader, but kids happened, trauma happened and my ADHD diagnosis showed me why I have to be really careful getting sucked into novel world because the real world stuff really truly suffers when I do. So unfortunately reading has taken a back burner for far too long.

Your favorite character from your current WIP

This is the hardest question, but it’s all about the character arcs, baby. I simply cannot choose between these four. (edit: i got really carried away, but I was on a roll, and ... well...) (edit 2: i use too many adjectives, i’m aware of the problem)

Rivet ... my brown force of nature with too many tattoos, vacillating between boundless rage and weary sarcasm, doing her best to keep the ones she swears she doesn’t give a shit about on the correct path with her fractured clairvoyance and haphazard approach to magic. She’s been more and more aware of some kind of upheaval on the outskirts of the mundane world. She’s had run-ins with the unpredictable Fae in the past, A rune covered baseball bat, a dog eared tarot deck, and an intimate knowledge of the secret paths of The Nowhere have been the tools that have kept her alive so far.... but will they be enough now that she’s somehow become responsible for the safety of one boy-crazy half faerie that just might be the answer to all the questions?

Xavier ... my precious one, batting his long lashes, swooning all over anyone he has half a hope might love him, if only for a night? He’s been abandoned, used and abused, pulled back from the brink of destruction. He wants to put all that behind him and move on, exploring the glittering, gritty, rainbow oil slicked nooks and crannies of the city he’s fallen in love with. But between the men that see him as nothing more than a plaything or a possession, the darkness in the surrounding woods that seems to want to devour him whole, the eerie figure he can’t quite see at the edges of his vision that seems to be spying on him, and the dark eyed, sharp tongued woman built like a cage fighter that definitely is spying on him “for his own fucking good”, what is this too pretty, pale, little, gay, shimmer goth, faerie halfling, supposed to do? Stay home? Not on your life

Wynter…my innocent, red cheeked, much too tall, awkward, nearly mute from anxiety, loyal to a fault, doormat. He should be a fully matured werewolf by now, so why hasn’t he had his first change? But that’s the furthest thing from his mind, if only for this moment. What’s the difference between childhood best friends and boyfriends and does love always have to hurt so much? And does it always have to include the awkward sex stuff that always makes him feel like he’s going to vomit? And now he has another problem. A terrifyingly alluring faerie problem with big green eyes that he keeps catching staring at him. What is he doing here and why is Rivet being so secretive about it?

Jaq ... my brilliantly talented fuck-up. How can someone be that innocently naive, and that criminally minded stupid at the same time? His lack of impulse control, a filter, any sense of self preservation, his messed up backwards sense of right and wrong... at what point do the people that love you say “enough” and refuse to be hurt by you anymore? But he’s lost in the battle between his realities, the shit he sees that isn’t real and the shit he sees that is real but no one else can see, it’s a wonder he’s survived this long in a world he can’t make sense of, filled with people that often can’t make sense of him. His art is his way of sorting out the mess inside his head. Wynter has always been by his side, like the welcome mat you wipe your feet on without thinking about it too hard, so why is he hanging out with her so much? He hasn’t been able to trust her, since.... the incident when they were children. Maybe he’s just paranoid, but he’s pretty sure they’re hiding something from him.

Some writing tropes you like

Pretty much anything involving two people that don’t know each other or don’t like each other, forced into the same space with no way out. Arranged marriages, elevator breakdowns, etc. etc.

The story behind your WIP’s name

Betwixt feels like magic and hexed and I like X’s. Hence why Xave’s full name is Xavier Alexander Maxwell. And it means between, and that is everything my work is exploring. What it means to be between. Between a rock and a hard place, having a grey morality, living on the edge of the mundane world, with a foot in the magical realm. It’s going to explore the vacuous chasm between wealth and poverty (not talking about the middle class suburbs lol, though that is a between) Right and wrong. And the thin line between salvation and destruction.

Are you a pantser or plotter?

Naturally? I’m a pantser. For Betwixt I’ve had to become a plotter. It’s too big and too complicated to just freewheel it.

Do you post your work somewhere?

I’m going to. The plan is to publish on WordPress on a regular release schedule. Hopefully weekly. But we’ll see how well that plan holds up as we get closer to publication.

Do you also read/write fanfic? If yes, for the same genres as what you write?

I’ve had a really hard time writing fanfic, but there are some I really enjoy reading.

Your favorite dessert. Because why not.

Also Pie! Pie is the best. Seriously.

Tagging @emdop cause you’re the only other writeblr I really have talked to besides the one that tagged me.

#writeblr #ask thing

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findteenpenpals · 7 years

Photo

Hello there! My name is Chantel, I’m 18 and I’m a mean, lean, meme loving machine.

I’ve posted on here before, but unfortunately the mail that is sent my way is sometimes lost or some haven’t been able to respond (Which I completely understand, sometimes things just happen, no judgement.) What I’m looking for is mainly someone I can send Snail Mail to; I’m open to internet friends but I’ll be honest, I suck at replying straight away, especially If the conversation goes dry. I’m not bothered about age or gender or where you’re from, as long as you’re chill and we can get along.

If you’re the type of person who loves to talk about anything and everything, then feel free to hit me up! I want to know what your favourite colour is, whether you think pluto is a planet, what you’re favourite conspiracy theory is and much more. I want to be able to discuss with someone about their interests as well as mine, whether their similar or completely different. I want to know your deepest secrets so I can store them away and sell them to the government, but we’ll save that particular one for another day.

I’m pretty average; I like to take crappy photos and pretend that I keep art journals when really I just buy books that I never end up using. I use to paint, draw and basically do anything arty when I was younger, but I don’t have as much time now (so if you’re good at art, show me and I’ll gush about it to you.) I’ve only been abroad once to Spain, and it was absolutely amazing! I’m also a fan of gaming on the PS3 and PS4, and recently finshed Dishonoured, Oxenfree and Life is strange.

I love to pretend that I write, as I often get a tiny idea, write a page then hit a block. But hey, if we were all meant to be authors, there wouldn’t be much point to it now would it?

I’m a lover of books, and a hater of reading. Sometimes finishing a book can be difficult for me, but I still do it nonetheless. My favourites are We Were Liars, A Monster Calls, and The Raven Cycle. (Please please message me if you enjoy the last one, even if you don’t want to be pen pals!)

TV and Films are definitely a conversation starter if you’re wondering how to start a conversation (I’m currently studying media and hoping to specialise in film.) I love a lot of programmes including; Orphan Black, The Office, Teen Wolf, BoJack Horseman, Gilmore Girls, The Blue Exorcist, Red Vs Blue, My Mad Fat Diary, Yuri!!! On Ice and Pretty Little Liars. For Films, I enjoy stuff like A Clockwork Orange, Kingsman Secret Service, Hacksaw Ridge, Dredd the remake, Kill Bill and basically anything by Laika. (Paranorman, Coraline, The Box Trolls, Fantastic Mr Fox.)

Feel free to contact me!

http://we-can-be-perfectly-imperfect.tumblr.com/

#pen pal #pen pals #penpal #penpals #pen pals wanted #letters #snail mail #Internet friends #friends #17 to 18 #submission

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floralgothpersephone · 7 years

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5 Things Meme

I got tagged by @jaygirl987 (thank you!)

1. 5 things you will find in my bag/backpack -My map notebook that pretty much contains my brain and everything I need to keep track of (which includes my detailed todo lists for all my projects). -My pendrive with all my data and research projects -My little monster pouch that his mouth is a zipper to where I keep my chapstick, nail clippers, tissues, and moleskin patches. -My wallet that is decorated with the red-haired fox lady in the purple dress (<3) -My dance shoes for ballroom

2. 5 things you will find in my bedroom -An embarrassing amount of Teen Titans Merchandise -An embarrassing amount of plants (The pothus I saved from a trash can 3 years ago has swallowed one of my bookcases and about a 3rd of the room). -An embarrassing amount of artwork (my walls are a patchwork mosaic pattern of framed art that I have collected from different art shows... some original drawings of Raven done by both fanartists and some professional comic artists from DC) -An embarrassing amount of candles. -An embarrassing amount of pottery.

3. 5 things I’ve always wanted to do in life -Travel... experience the world, find places that challenge my perspectives and maybe find a place that I feel like I belong. -Glass Blowing, I’ve taken a intensive course but I want to continue with it and do it more. Maybe do a little bit with a torch too. -I want to have kids, god I want to have kids so bad. I want a family, I want to prove that I can do better and break the cycle. I want to be a good mother. - Man this is hard. I’m the type of person that when I want to do something I go out and make sure I do it. I wanted to learn different dances, I did that, I continue to do that. I wanted to build my own pottery studio, I did that. I don’t wait to do something, i’ll loose my interest.

4. 5 things to on my to-do list -Finish editing the JSON and adjusting the javascript for my crowd source map for pedestrian infrastructure (just one step in my continuing research). -Create some 3D models of the witches tower in minneapolis from the lidar data I’ve been processing. Hopefully get a 3D print ready to go by the end of the week. -I need to redraw the Renaissance Festival Map and finish it up for submission for the Mapping Prize at the end of this month. - I need to grade my students maps for their 8th and 9th exercises. - I need to get tickets to go see Wicked for the Broadway tour in Minneapolis right now.

5. 5 things people may not know about me - ??? I have a habit of oversharing, this post case-and-point ??? -I am super gay, like so gay, but started dating my bf before I quite figured that out and really value that relationship and I’m not willing to throw it away even though I’m just not into dicks??? - I actually hated plants all growing up. My dad would force me to help him in the garden and I hated every moment of it (I still did it, but I didn’t like it). I got my first plant when I moved out of the house and couldn’t have my cats with me in the apartment. (I needed something to take care of) I fell in love with plants over the next several years and now I’m addicted and have a problem. - Food and I don’t get along. I suck at eating, food rarely tastes good for me, its just a nuisance I need to do to survive. I think I am the only person in the world who can watch food shows and not want to eat any of it. - I barely spoke when I was a toddler, my teachers thought I was mute (my parents were concerned because I talked to my sister all the time). I went through the majority of school never talking if I could help it. I always wished I could be snarky and witty. I wanted so badly to banter with people. My bf trained me into witty banter, since thats the only way he can communicate. Now in my GIS department everyone thinks I’m the snarkiest person in the world. I don’t know how I fooled them. Um I will tag @ruleofexception @nebluus and @vivianwisteria

#Becca does a meme #And overshares #Sorry for the long post #A bit about me

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hishotandhaywireheart · 7 years

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Survey from Esther~

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? Janina Gavankar - Don't Look Down The Irrepressibles - Two Men In Love The Irrepressibles - The Arrow Flor - Warm Blood Shearwater - Animal Life Bastille - Laura Palmer 2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? I'm overwhelmed by this question and can't pick a single answer, sorry lol. This is like asking me what my favorite Pokémon is. 3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. I'm in a dog boarding facility's kitchen at the moment, no books in sight, I'm afraid. But I am reading the first book of the Raven Cycle series in audio form, if that helps 4: What do you think about most? What a question. Art? Animals? 5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? It's my boyfriend saying he's going to sleep :3 6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? *Gamagoori voice* I sleep in the nude 7: What’s your strangest talent? Even though I am not a smoker [unless you count a couple of hookahs per year], I can tell the brand of a cigarette by the smell of the smoke. The smell on someone's clothes, I know immediately what brand it is. Mixture of childhood exposure, sensory sensitivity, and the jobs I've worked lol. 8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) Girls are powerful. Boys are powerful. 9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? I dunno. Maybe? 10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? Uhh. Not a thing that occurs to me to do, to be honest lol 11: Do you have any strange phobias? Big phobia of hypodermic needles, or generally anything like a splinter, tiny shard of glass or hook getting underneath my skin. Phobic of getting pregnant. I guess those are weird. 12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Uhhh probably? 13: What’s your religion? What a complicated question lol. Simple answer: I'm pagan. But there is literally nothing simple about my endless thoughts about spirituality 14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Taking a walk in the woods, or sitting by a stream or body of water [water sources are especially sacred parts of nature for me] 15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Both. But I love taking photos and nobody really takes any photos of me. So I guess behind. Especially when it's behind a Polaroid. 16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Shearwater. Honorable mention to the Irrepressibles. 17: What was the last lie you told? Fuck if I know 18: Do you believe in karma? Not really. But as always I believe in the awesome power of the brain. 19: What does your URL mean? It's my name with "Irrepressible" after it, in the style of Jamie Irrepressible, the vocalist of, well, you can probably guess which band. 20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? Weakness - I'm extremely prone to gaslighting and self doubt about my own reality. Strength - I might not be a fan of abrupt change, but I am very adaptable, given time to adjust. 21: Who is your celebrity crush? None 22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? No, sadly. Remember what I said about my irrational fear of stepping on hooks or sharp objects? Interferes with my sacred need to swim in every lake I see. 23: How do you vent your anger? Ideally, art. Drawing, writing, even recording myself ranting to my microphone about it. 24: Do you have a collection of anything? I collect retro Pokémon merchandise and certain old video games. :> this makes me sound like a massive genwunner but rest assured, it's just an Aesthetic™ 25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Text, to be honest. Us auties generally do better communicating in text based media. Skype calls are useful at times but I've always found them too awkward with delays and such to use reliably. 26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? Hmmm. Tentatively, yes? 27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? Sound I hate: male voices shouting. Sound I love: music bouncing off walls and becoming ethereal and far away. 28: What’s your biggest “what if”? What if I don't understand what this question is asking me? 29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Ghosts, no. I talk about them a lot though because the idea of them is dear and important to me, but literally, no, I have no belief in some vaporized version of your personality that goes on after death. Aliens, I assume are a matter of inevitability. But I don't believe we will probably ever find or meet them in the foreseeable future. Humans think they are much more fascinating than they actually are. Aliens are not crawling all over themselves to build technology just to come fly over to our house and meet us. Sry 30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. Air both times lol 31: Smell the air. What do you smell? The heat coming on at work because morning is here. Faint dog poop smell. Gonna have to tidy that up lol 32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? Buttfuck nowhere, West Virginia 33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? East Coast, if we're talking america 34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? I don't have an opposite gender 35: To you, what is the meaning of life? To create something meaningful and beautiful, and to enjoy myself to the fullest while helping others whenever possible 36: Define Art. If it makes you think about whether or not it's art, then it's art. 37: Do you believe in luck? Uhh. Like as an actual outside force that decides whether good or bad stuff will happen to me, no. 38: What’s the weather like right now? Coldddd 39: What time is it? 6 am. Time to get off work! 40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Yes, I drive, don't love it but glad I am able. No, but I did run over a bin once 41: What was the last book you read? A book about the history of heterosexuality as a concept, fascinating read actually 42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? As a kid I liked it but it's kinda gross now 43: Do you have any nicknames? Many 44: What was the last film you saw? Can't remember a film rn but I am currently watching The Story Of Film which I CANNOT recommend enough, it is a documentary series about, well, the history of cinema and even if you don't care about movie making... It will absorb you completely and make you not only care but be totally fascinated. I adore it. 45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? You know, I've been really lucky. Never broken bone or needed stitches or even like, been to the hospital, lol. I think I chipped my shin bone on a brick stair once. And a couple years ago I missed a stair going down and sprained my ankle, and my work refused to let me spend any time off my feet so I was crying from pain in front of customers lol. But it healed fast once I had a brace. No problem. 46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? I dunno. I was taught as a child that if you touch their wing dust even a little, they will lose their flight and die. So probably I haven't. Even though I now know this isn't quite true. 47: Do you have any obsessions right now? The Story of Film, some bands, getting sucked back deep into my lifelong love Pokémon again lol 48: What’s your sexual orientation? Pansexual, or: Why Are Gender And Genital Shape Our Main Social Indicator Of Romantic Or Sexual Preferences, Of All Things, That's Really Weird And I Can't Relate, Please Save Me From This Bizarro World 49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? Oh yes, plenty back in school 50: Do you believe in magic? Ahh. I believe in the power of will. I believe in the ability to make your own life full of magic via willpower. I believe in the harmless use of willpower to try and cause a change in your environment. I believe the force exercised by children known dismissively as "imagination" have incredible power to influence the mind and soul. I have no belief in a metaphysical force in the universe called "magic" that could describe basically anything and everything unknown to current science. If you ask me flat-out, I will say yes, I believe in magic. But this is more of what I mean. I don't believe in "magic", except that I do. Adamantly. 51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? I do not tend to forget. Forgive is a matter of situation. But I don't forget. And I am quite the talented ice prince when it comes to freezing someone entirely out of my life. This includes immediate family. I only speak to my little sister out of my entire family. 52: What is your astrological sign? Taurus-Gemini cusp! 53: Do you save money or spend it? Spend :T 54: What’s the last thing you purchased? Bread, milk and a couple very cheap, very pink, very glittery nail polishes. My weakness. 55: Love or lust? Yes. 56: In a relationship? Yep 57: How many relationships have you had? Uhh... Many? Serious, deep romantic relationships, which I suspect is your real question: three. 58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Nope 59: Where were you yesterday? Home, and briefly out at the store. 60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? My nails are pink and glittery. 61: Are you wearing socks right now? Yep. I wear two pairs to work because my super comfy work shoes are just the tiniest bit too big. 62: What’s your favourite animal? You asked the impossible question. Today, your answer is: praying mantis. Specifically praying mantis godmothers. Ask me again in two hours for an entirely different answer. 63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? Sorry, too socially awkward for this prompt 64: Where is your best friend? In bed, it is very late and/or early. 65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. Don't really have favorites? Just people and stuff I like. 66: What is your heritage? Whitey white. Scots Irish, English, a bit of German, and like everything else you can expect from a family that's been in America about as long as a white devil could possibly be. My mother is a hobbyist genealogist, so this isn't just typical white folks bullshit, I'm vaguely more educated on my roots. I am in fact a distant cousin of notable American politician of the 19th century, Henry Clay. 67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? Playing Pokémon Blue! Beating the game for literally the first time ever! 68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? Uh. Um. Oh god, I don't know lmao 69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? Yes, everyone has, normalize it 70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Hmmm. Yes. 71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Lose my job bitches, and maybe hope to go viral and boost my chances of getting a new job for doing this thing lol 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? A-Maybe. At least a few people. B-Travel, make good art, write my will, get my affairs in order. C- Yes, for a while. 73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. Trust obvs 74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Many. First one that comes to mind is Empire by Jukebox the Ghost 75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? Nope 76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Being best friends and trying to understand one another and willing to be open and honest, no ego in the way 77: How can I win your heart? Buy me sushi. 78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? Yes. 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? To not have children. 80: What size shoes do you wear? American size seven in men's, nine in women's. Sometimes half a size up or down. 81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? No idea. I should get thinking on that. 82: What is your favourite word? Don't really have one favorite tbh 83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. Glowing lights, core imagery 84: What is a saying you say a lot? Hell yeah 85: What’s the last song you listened to? Maxiimo Park - Going Missing 86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? Long story short: indigo. 87: What is your current desktop picture? Some Pokémon, I forget which. 88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? A random white supremacist, maybe, but honestly, I probably wouldn't press it 89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? No idea rn 90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? I'd be quite disturbed because I cut my teeth on Ocarina of Time and was very creeped out by ReDeads 91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Shapeshifting. Always my answer. Covers being an animal, or being a child, or flying, or swimming. 92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? First thought is a marching band performance from high school. Second thought is back in that car in the vast moonlit Utah desert. 93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Bad math teachers. Gave me a complex about math and didn't improve me as a person in any way like most of the others did. 94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? No interest 95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Japan motherfuckers 96: Do you have any relatives in jail? Not that I'm aware of but I couldn't care less tbh 97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? If I have, I must have been very small. 98: Ever been on a plane? Yep, just twice. 99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? If they actually absorbed what I had to say? Love yourselves. Love each other. Endeavor to understand each other. Try to figure out what you were taught wrong about yourself and your fellow humans, and unlearn those things. Embrace humanity in all its diversity. Open up and be vulnerable.

#Surveyz

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lucasalexanderhall-blog · 6 years

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Cycles

My mind moves always with the revolving seasons. In Spring and Summer, my soul is elevated by the rising odours of the warm, soft earth. My thoughts rise and flutter with the birds whose superficial joy is mirrored by my human joy. The wind which in Winter bit is gentled by heat and caresses the limbs. My entire self is freed from the torturous prison of “comfort-thoughts,” and, in this mood, it becomes highly optimistic. My head seems to be lush and comfortable, like the rich glowing canopy of a summer oak. But the leaves begin to wither. The wind finds again its coolness, and every bit of my being rebels against what Fall portends. All my accumulated passion floods out, as if it wishes to stall the coming barenness. I am, at this time, ripe, as it were, and I find that in the Fall I am most creative, energized, gregarious, open, curious. My intellectual and artistic power finds it peak. And then the leaves fall—and I fall with them. In Winter I become a despicable beast. The jagged crags of skeletal trees’ forms finds a brother in my thoughts—both conform to icy gusts and the general frozenness. Driven indoors by this perpetual rudeness of weather, my mind, like my vision, is restricted by walls and ceilings—and my movement is hardened by floors. The lazy bit of my soul moves in a slow, terrible procession towards the crumbling castle of my vigor, and usurps. And then I become a despicable creature—low-minded, crude, stupid, insipid. I tire of Winter and of my weariness, and then the sun strikes us more directly, and the snow melts, and the streets run with water, and the ground begins to soften again, and again the odours rise . . . “Nature always wears the colors of the spirit,” Emerson wrote in “Nature”. (Emerson 552) But my spirit, it seems, always is clad in nature’s colors. In Spring and Summer, I am like Emerson—serene and noble and spirited. In Fall, I am like Whitman—wild and hungry and wide-eyed. And in Winter, I am like Poe—bitter and scornful and gloomy. Through a pseudo-philosophical, pseudo-aesthetic comparison of these three authors, I hope to illuminate these seasonal affects and their relative merits, and the things about each author that prompted me to associate them with those affects. As a somewhat idealistic young man, I am attracted to Emerson. There is something in his writing essentially noble. He has a sense of high-spiritedness that in the U.S., a nation which is, in principle, fundamentally democratic and thus tends to be wary of the kind of elitism Emerson seems to represent, is uncommon. In Emerson a sensitivity and an intellect, both of the highest degree, are united. This is indeed rare. And rarer still is his deployment of these powers in contemplation of the soul. In our age, an age in which serious talk about “the soul” has been almost entirely done away with, replaced with talk about “the mind” and “the brain” as the harbors of our identity, there is something refreshing about the earnestness with which Emerson addresses the soul. In “Nature”, he divides reality into “Nature”, i.e., everything that is not human and “the Soul”, i.e. humans or some fundamental part of them. He adds to this the minor category “Art”, which he takes to be syntheses of Soul and Nature—“a house, a canal, a statue, a picture.” This intellectual trinity, which Emerson takes to constitute all, is elegant and beautiful, but it also seems to reek of hoity-toitiness and naivete: therein lies both the charm and fatal flaw of Emerson—that his expositions are simultaneously clear, precise, straightforward, as well as ambiguous, vague, and all-over-the-place. He is a writer who both illuminates and obscures experience. He illuminates it by presenting his reader with a flood of passionate insight. He obscures by drowning his reader in that flood. In the Spring, it is quotes like this from “Nature” that I love to nibble on, given that, as Winter thaws and Nature unfurls its tapestry of life, I am apt to turn away from my long, cold, modernist-esque considerations of various people and towards more primal notions: "As when the summer comes from the south the snow-banks melt and the face of the earth becomes green before it, so shall the advancing spirit create its ornaments along its path, and carry with it the beauty it visits and the song which enchants it; it shall draw beautiful faces, warm hearts, wise discourse, and heroic acts, around its way, until evil is no more seen." This is precisely the spirit pulsing through me as nature shakes off its white rust. The snow-banks here can be taken as metaphors for the accumulated inhumanity of one Winter: all the pessimism and mystery and chaos of a dead season are put to rest by their resurrected kin: joy and the apprehension of order. All that which I “carry with” me—perfectly proportioned landscapes adorned richly with green tassels of foliage, gatherings of bronze skin, the sun’s heat on my closed eyes—all of this suffuses “my way” until, around midsummer, I find myself wholly enchanted with life, and—whether it be good or bad—the “evil” which permeated Winter “is no more seen.” Emerson was unique in his civility. When we imagine Whitman, the figure who represents the culmination of Emersonian thinking, we see that the impulse towards Nature had by then, simultaneously, become an impulse away from civilization. We have Emerson, the thoughtful, meek, spiritually acute, New England aristocrat—well raised, well-educated in the classics, and so on. And then we have Whitman, the wild, emphatic, yet also spiritually acute, common man—of relatively average upbringing, deeply unschooled in the traditions of poetry, etc.. What makes both Emerson and Whitman hard to read for extended periods is this: they never seem to stop saying the same things, page after page. The individual is sovereign; nature is glorious; America is unique and thus needs a unique orientation to everything. But what prompts me, over and over, to return to them is that they say it so well. Just the same, the pleasures of Summer are quite concrete, easy to enumerate: an abundance of sunlight, heat, and greenery. Yet in the intellect, there is a great gulf between the signs and signifiers of Summer. For example, consider the word “tanning” or even the slightly more expressive “sunbathing.” What are these words next to the experience they evoke? The pleasance of that warmth on your skin, the sound of lapping waves, the sand all hot beneath you, and so on . . . The words which form the centers of Emerson’s writing—freedom, nonconformism, “the Soul”, “Nature”—these are ideas whose expressions in reality are similarly hard to corral into their abstractions. Just as it is difficult to imagine Summer in Winter’s depth, it is hard for the unfree to imagine freedom. But that is what the intellect does—imagine. All we have in Emerson is an imaginative intellectual expression of freedom and nonconformity. For that expression to pluck a chord, it must be relatable. Just as poetic descriptions of Summer seem to me, in the depths of Winter, to be hopelessly romantic and annoying, in the Summer they are simply mirrors of reality . . . In the Spring and Summer, then, I find Emerson’s writings, flowery and high-minded as they are, to be perfectly natural. As Summer ends, my noble enjoyment of it is simultaneously enriched and corrupted. My subdued, somewhat neo-hellenic way of seeing things is berserked by a barbarous passion for life. A torrent of adolescent religiosity is overlaid atop my refined hedonism, and Whitman begins to echo in my soul. Lines like, “I hear and behold God in every object,” which would in Spring and Summer seem just delightfully immature (and in Winter would seem a worthy target of scornful laughter), ring as naturally in my ear as Emerson does in Summer. During the Fall, my mind is heat-swirling and overhot with expansive metaphysical and spiritual speculations, whose best possible expression would be the kind of aggressive, triumphant strophes that Whitman piled into “Song of Myself”, strophes like: My tongue, every atom of my blood, form’d from this soil, this air/ . . . you shall possess the origin of all poems/ . . . the unseen is proved by the seen/ . . . Maternal as well as paternal/ . . . Seas of bright juice suffuse heaven/ . . . I believe a leaf of grass is no less than the journeywork of the stars/ . . . a mouse is a miracle enough to stagger sextillions of infidels. Stupefied amazement seems to be the mood, as if, while he is saying these things, he hardly can fathom how it can be. In Whitman, apprehension and wonder are coupled. His preachiness insists that he understands nature, yet his humility insists it is fundamentally mysterious. His eyes are childlike—and, as Summer fades and with it goes its enlivening spiritual colors, mine become so too, seeking, with willful ignorance, affirmations of my august spirit in beastly haste. That this spirit deserves affirmation—that belief is Whitman’s beauty. That it must be affirmed so tastelessly—that is his ugliness: and mine too, in this season. They fall—the withered, crispy leaves. One by one they fall, rocking themselves down on the wind. Softly to the ground they fall, where they are crushed and shredded into the dirt, which later freezes. And with them fall my passion, slowly and unconsciously. It dies and falls, and all my activity, once directed by a rich, overabundance of heart, is now impelled by an emptiness. Away goes the sun, and when it comes, its angle is weak. Away goes the grass, only mud and dirt left. And away go the people, into their homes: the cold, empty sidewalks are busy only with the traffic of tunneling hateful icy winds which whir around like ravenous wolves. My spirit, which, fed by Spring and Summer and soiled by Fall, is cold and alone—and the radical independence that seemed the height of nobility reeks of ascetic inhumanity. And then the frozen ground is covered by sheets of fallen snow. All the dumped-out optimism of three seasons is covered up with misery, harshness, hatred, and so on. But even in these depths I find a companion, and he sits across from these giants, Emerson and Whitman, thumbing his nose at them: Poe. Poe, for me, represents that aching suspicion that transcendentalism is a joke, that no one who takes themselves, human affairs, art, even religion, seriously could ever earnestly subscribe to. And I feel bad for the way Poe was treated by his contemporaries as a madman. When you read “The Philosophy of Composition”, you get the sense that you are in the company, more so than in Emerson and even Whitman, of a genuine artist—someone who has, like I suspect Whitman did, a natural, innate understanding of the ends of poetry—, but someone who also, probably more than either, understood the means as well: the toolbox, the vast reservoir of classical symbols, the techniques, the styles, etc.. The last thing he seems is mad. Consider the depth of poetic knowledge he displays in this one paragraph: "Of course, I pretend to no originality in either the rhythm or meter of “Raven.” The former is trochaic--the latter is octameter acatalectic, alternating with heptameter catalectic repeated in the refrain of the fifth verse, and terminating with tetrameter catalectic. Less pedantically--the feet employed throughout (trochees) consist of a long syllable followed by a short: the first line of the stanza consists of eight of these feet--the second of seven and a half . . ." . . . and so on. The point is, these are not the ramblings of a depraved madman. They are refined, intellectual thoughts. And this kind of logical-formal thinking is what phase into during Winter. The frenzied passion for life fades into a detached indifference, and, though my sensory experience is less pleasant, my intellection is sharper. In Whitman and Emerson (and this is part of their charm) you get the sense that you are in the presence of something inhuman or beyond human. “Song of Myself” has none of the delicacy of “The Raven”, but the power of reading it comes from the fact that is like a natural disaster. It seems to overflow off of the page. In Poe you can return to the unabashedly human—murder and delusion and guilt: a host of experiences that are not seriously treated in Whitman or Emerson, but which anyone who has lived can say constitute a big part of being human. In fact, if any of these three writers could be considered “mad”, it would no doubt be Whitman, whose writing is often like that of a rabid dog. Winter, with its hateful cold, forces me indoors. This restriction is conducive to rumination. Hours I might have spent on a footpath or at a beach are spent “[pondering,] weak and weary,/Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore.” A deficiency of the sun’s vitamin D contributes to the weakness and weariness, which make me want to sit, and, sitting more often, I read more: too fatigued to exert my body, I use my mind. And the lack of exercise generates an insomnia, most of which is spent reading, and which I combat with marijuana, the use of which, in turn, makes me wearier. Fighting all of this contributes to a general misery which makes me, like the weather, mean and nasty . . . In “The Raven”, Poe writes, “ . . . distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December/And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.” The ghosts of those embers are like the fallen leaves of my autumn passion. Once proud and beautiful, then weak and withered, now entirely transformed: They become their own inverse. But, as the heart cools, the wit and the intellect again have their day. These ghosts have their own ideas, and they too are interesting. But Poe also obscures, obscures the very things that Emerson enlightens—and vice-versa. He treated Emerson and his whole troupe with flippant scorn, perhaps displaying that he was unwilling to even consider the kind of atemporal, universal perspective expressed by Emerson and Whitman. And in Winter I tend to regard my Spring, Summer and Fall nature’s, my heedless joy, as hilarious and contemptible. But however over-the-top Emerson and Whitman are in their promotion of this perspective, there is something to it. Considerations of “eternity” enter into Poe only in convoluted psychological guises (the narrator of “Ligea”, for example, who wishes to transcend time through a kind of impossible love). This is not to say that Poe’s way of considering eternity is not interesting or valuable, just that he could have taken the other view a bit more seriously, and perhaps it would have brightened the grimness of all he wrote. And my Winter thoughts too, though they masquerade in all sorts of conceits, are desperate, hungry for sunlight. You sense that what Emerson and Whitman didn’t like about Poe was his vulgarity, the fact that, through his art, he represented all that was base, vile, filthy—all that, in their art, they tried to escape. And I think that they were right in many ways to be averse to these things. But you also sense that Poe’s hatred of the naive optimism of the transcendentalist is equally justified. There are--as banal as it this to express, it seems true--things to sympathize with in all worldviews. And so maybe this perennial revolution, something I have tended to loathe for the whirling confusion it engenders, is good. It is not an instance of progression and regression. It is something natural: a series of cycles. Maybe the seasonal phases are allies, not enemies--and maybe, just as the top of a plant longs for light while its roots hunger for darkness, so too my Summer soul lives on its heights, while it's cold counterpart scours the same soul’s depths--yet these opposites are always secretly yearning for each other. My progress is an outward spiral. Yes: each descent goes lower, each fall is more crushing--yet every ascent goes higher, and every rise is more triumphant.

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