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itsonlydana · 1 month

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"passenger princess" | final chapter

the hobbit | a modern!AU by itsonlydana

❱ pairing: Thranduil x fem!reader

❱ wordcount: 7,5k

❱ summary: the rules of a man keeping love from himself and the girl who broke them

❱ warnings: mature language

❱ an: so, here it is. The last chapter. This was originally 24k on ao3 and now we hit 42k and around 148 pages on google docs. This has been unbelievable and i'm so glad to have added this and that and posted on here <3 thank you all for every comment & kudos & repost and just all of it🩷

general m.list + series m.list

🌿 reposts and comments are appreciated, they motivate me a lot - especially with longer projects <3

CHAPTER NINE: WHISPERS

The drive was a lot quieter than usual.

The radio still played classical music, the soft piano music filtering through the stereo and cradling you in welcome melodies. Instead of the usual chatter, you opted for silence, preferring to listen to Thranduil as he talked to you about his day in the softest of voices.

Once or twice you huffed out a wet laugh through your nose at something he sayed, a quip against one of his coworker or a joke he thought off, nearly soundless but Thranduils lips quirked up nevertheless.

He proved to be correct about the weather forecast too; shortly after the car departed from the city streets and ventured onto the highway, the skies opened up.

Initially, the rain descended in a gentle pitter-patter, small droplets defiantly challenging the windshield wipers. The lights of passing cars transformed into watercolor circles, providing a soothing spectacle that eased your eyes and calmed your nerves.

And not once left Thranduils hand your leg for longer than necessary.

You were watching him, looking at his side profile as he drove you through the night and quietly chatting. Giving you time. Not pushing you into telling him why he had to pick you up crying and had to hold you while you were crashing down a cliff.

He'd done it without a second thought, picking you up this godless hour like he hadn't been in bed already and abandoned sleep for you.

Thranduil, who waited for you to be ready to tell him what happened, throwing his evening plans for you overboard, once again coming to get you and comforting you with his touch; the spark inside your heart soared.

If this wasn't love, what else could it be?

By the time you arrived at the Oropherion home, the soft drizzle of the rain had turned into merciless streams of water crashing down to earth, obscuring the view out the front window as soon as the ignition died and the wipers came to a stop.

The seatbelts clicked loudly.

"I forgot an umbrella."

You turned your head from the shape of the house you could make out through the water streaming down the window to Thranduil. He had leaned forward to be able to look out the window as well, head tilted sideways and his mouth curled downwards at the sides.

"I guess we will have to run," you said softly.

"No. I will run, grab one of the umbrellas in the entry hall and pick you back up."

You let out a snort and your hand all but flew to your mouth.

"What?" Thranduil asked but you shook your head. "Why did you laugh?"

Your hand fell back into your lap, down to Thranduils one. "You don't have to run and then come back only for me to be dry. That's really unnecessary," you told him, biting your lower lip as you felt a smile blooming inside you "Though it is appreciated that you would do that for me."

He mirrored your smile and it's so heartful and warming, the way his lips changed from the frown and lifted up and you could see the smile reaching his eyes, his eyebrows relaxing as well as his jaw.

"Then let us run quickly and hope we are fast enough," Thranduil agreed, leaning towards you and opening your door, then his. He looked at you. "On go?"

You nodded.

"Three."

"Two."

"One."

"Go!"

Both of you jumped out of your seats, slamming the doors shut and then you were off. The rain poured down relentlessly as you and Thranduil dashed through the downpour towards the entrance of the house.

Within seconds you were completely soaked, wet from head to toe and your clothes clung to your body when you stumbled up the steps to the door, Thranduil close behind you.

So close, that he nearly crashed into you, as he took two steps at a time and stopped just a few centimeters from where you leaned heavily against the entrance, trying to wring out some of the water out of the sweater.

His hands landed next to your head with a thump as he stopped himself, the momentum of his halting resulting in his hair following his body, smacking against your face like a lasso. Not with much force but it still had you spluttering to get a few of the strands out of your mouth.

Thranduils face contorted in embarrassment as he realized what had you smacking your lips and huffing out a cough and he threw his long hair back over his shoulder. "Don't grin at me," he groaned while pulling his keys out of his pocket "I will die of humiliation if you ever speak of this in front of Legolas."

"What of?" you teased, "That you nearly ran me over with your tall body or that I got a taste of hair because you can't control that tall body?"

"Neither!" he growled, then yanked his keys out and jammed them into the keyhole. Before turning it, he stopped, locking down at you, flattened between him and the door.

His perfect thick eyebrows raised almost in a hesitant question in themselves. "You won't, right?"

Knowing he had been an – involuntarily – witness to many of the evenings Legolas and you had spent in their living room wearing your cutest pajamas and face masks that had scared him more than once, while you painted each others nails and gossiped like you would get paid for it by the minute, you understood the underlying fear in Thranduils voice.

Chuckling, you raised a hand, and curled your fingers around one of the few strands that clung to his drenched sweater and glistening jaw.

"I won't," you said but the eyebrows rose higher at the light amusement in your voice so you reassured him while brushing the strand behind his ear, following the curve of it to the pointed tip and felt him shuddering under the light touch.

"I promise! Pinky swear that I won't tell Legolas anything that involves your hair or your body," As soon as those words were out of your mouth, you grimaced.

Thranduil did too.

That didn't came out like you had wanted it to.

Even the simple thought of telling Legolas anything that involves anything private with Thranduil... no– you're sure that this would never happen.

You had tried talking to Legolas once more about the matter, checked in with him to ask what he thought of the progress you and Thranduil had been making after the cabrio conversation, and he had simply given you his permission if he wouldn't have to call you "mother"; a compromise you had rushed to agree to.

"Ew," you murmured, teeth being close to chattering as the wind slapped a fresh wave of rain your way "Never mind."

Thranduil nodded quickly. The one hand pressed against the door slid down and to your waist, leading you into the entrance hall after the key had turned and the both of you were stumbling into the safety of the house.

Inside, water dripping on the dark hardwood floors, Thranduils other hand found your waist as well, as he led you through the dark house from behind you.

You didn't bother with turning on the lights, you trusted Thranduil with finding his way through a house he had lived in for his whole life.

It almost ended in stumbling, especially given the trail you left behind, practically begging for a "caution: wet floors" sign. Thranduil was so near that you could feel not only his hands but occasionally his chest too, particularly when rounding corners or ascending stairs.

Somehow though you found yourselves in front of a closed door on the third floor with no injuries except for that ache in your heart that while being number than earlier, seemed to be a constant companion for the time being.

You knew in an instant what was behind said closed door.

It's quite an accomplishment to know what was behind it, looming, if you would have to be specific.

There were a lot of doors in the Oropherion house: the kitchen had three, there was a pantry door, Legolas bedroom door, the guest room doors, the library doors, the door to the cellar, and if you were in the right state – beer pissed if there was no other option but preferably wine tipsy – there was no telling where you would end up.

Well, the chances of you crashing into a storage room when you were aiming for the guest room you always stayed in were pretty high, high enough Legolas – or Thranduil nowadays – would accompany you up and save to the door, making sure you slept in the bed rather than a makeshift situation out of aprons and rags.

How easy it would be to lie and say that only happened once…

But no matter the level of alcohol in your blood and head, you never dared opening this door.

This was the only door you never touched, never even stopped in front of.

Sure, in your mind you were a regular visitor but that was between you and the fantasies coming alive ever since Thranduil had picked you up from that bar the one fateful night!

In reality, notably, a reality where you were much closer to those fantasies now than ever, there had never been an opportunity to come up to the third floor.

There were only three rooms up here.

The study behind the last door at the end of the hallway was where Thranduil would sometimes disappear into. You knew he hoarded some very special editions of books that you two had discussed.

The first door was to the old nursery, now no longer used but for an empty threat Thranduil held in his hands if Legolas dared to ignore the very few rules they had. If the threat was that Legolas would move back into the nursery or if Thranduil would bring out whatever was in there was not the matter, it was enough to bring Legolas back on track if needed.

And of course…

The master bedroom.

Thranduil's bedroom.

The one Thranduil was currently opening before you, his hands on your waist and his breath hot on your neck as he steered you into the room.

Unlike you, he didn't seem to give the situation a second thought, much less a third, fourth and from the way he kissed you on the back of the head and then walked to a door on the right side of the room, he wasn't on the verge of a nervous breakdown either.

You, on the other hand, could only stare at the room unfolding, exchanging the images of it you had drawn in your mind.

The bedroom you had imagined had been clinically tidy, in no more colors than grey, white and maybe he would be crazy and had thrown some black in there, and he would've had few pictures and books but just the barest minimum to have it look like this wasn't a furniture exhibition and not too much that the room could mess with the image of the cold, serious, stern and intimidating lawyer he put out for strangers.

For once, the walls were painted a beautiful dark green with gorgeous panels that graced them from the dark wood floors to the high ceilings, similar to the bay windows that reached the ceilings as well but had a slim bench.

The windows were framed by long rusty colored curtains. These windows would surely flood the room in the sunlight whenever the weather wasn't dark and gloomy like today.

Right now you couldn't even look out, but you knew from the guest room one floor under you, that this room had the perfect view of the garden that stretched behind the house and Thranduil would be able to look out right into the cherry tree.

There was a giant king-sized bed pushed against one of the walls without windows, the sheets midnight blue and most certainly silk, the pillows propped against the wooden headboard, and there were enough of them to make it look like the perfect place to disappear into sweet dreams.

Two nightstands were on either side of the giant bed, both had a simple lamp and some burned-down candles on them, as well as a book and a picture frame that was facing the bed.

On the left side of the bedroom door was another door left ajar, allowing you a small peak into the en suite bathroom, because of course Thranduil had his own private bathroom and you nearly snickered thinking of the many hair and skin products that he would hide in there.

On the window-side of the bed were two floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, filled to overflow with books, many of which you recognized even from afar. There was also a comfortable-looking old wing chair in front of the shelves, a wine-red blanket thrown over its arms.

Your eyes wandered to the right side of the room, to the door leading to the walk-in closet where Thranduil was currently pulling out some clothes.

Next to the door was a small desk with another bookshelf. Papers lay scattered on the surface in front of a dark computer, around them opened books and even more picture frames.

The room shocked you in the best way possible.

Everything looked so… well lived in.

From the pictures on the wall, shelves and every surface that they fit onto in an aesthetical, home-y way, to the phone cable next to the bed (you would tease Thranduil about that later; after all was he the one always bickering with Legolas that he shouldn't sleep with his phone in his bed), and the used cup with a coffee stain on the side next to one of the many books next to the wing chair.

He had some potted plants as well, tall ones in between the windows and smaller ones on shelves and the benches, and they didn't even look close to dying.

Not like the little cactus in your room that you would forget to water and if you remembered you would throw in whatever you were drinking that moment into the pot.

You could even spot a pair of socks next to the bed. Next to the unmade bed.

Thranduil had said on the phone that you'd called him when he was about to retire to sleep but seeing the rustled sheets and a thrown of pajamas right before you made it all so real.

This was Thranduil's bedroom, littered with pieces of his personality and you were standing right in the middle of it…

… dripping on what was probably a very expensive carpet.

With that realization you took a step back, whipping back and forth on your heels, eyes landing on Thranduil.

"Okay, I took the liberty to pull out some clothes for you," Thranduil said and stepped out of the closet, a gray sweater and what looked like black shorts in his hands. "You can change in the bathroom over there, through the door next to the bed." The clothes landed in your hands, you carefully held them away so as to not get them too wet and Thranduils smiled at you. "If you need anything, yell, alright? There should be some towels in there as well and I have a spare toothbrush under the sink."

You just nodded.

Entering the bathroom was another shock, considering it was as big, no definitely bigger, than the whole of your room and you could have sworn even the curved bathtub was bigger than your bed.

Right then, it looked more comfortable as well.

You switched on the lights and instead of one big light, many smaller ones lit up and bathed the room in a somehow quiet light. How light could be described as 'quiet' was beyond explanation for your tired mind, it fitted nonetheless.

Peeling the cold and wet sweater off pulled more on your heartstrings than on the synapses in your brain that would normally scream because of the fabric clinging to your skin most unpleasantly.

You hoped you could wear it again another time. You carefully draped it over the edge of the tub and the dress you had put on followed regardless of how dry it had been thanks to the sweater.

You couldn't get it off fast enough.

Certainly, you were aware that you had it on; you could feel the fabric stretching over your curves.

However, the encounter with it in the large round mirror above the sink was a startling surprise. Before you knew it, your mind was replaying the events of the evening right before your eyes.

Quickly and trying to avoid the breakdown winding its way up your body you scrambled for a towel, drying off the rest of the rainwater on your damp arms and legs, as well as wringing out your hair in an attempt to at least stop the dripping.

Then you all but jumped into the warm clothes Thranduil had given to you. The sweater that now pooled over your hands was long enough to reach your thighs and as inviting as the thought of ditching the pair of shorts was, you felt the slightly cool air nipping your legs.

But not even the soft fabric and nice smell, pines, and laundry detergent, could hold off the impending tears that came up when you brushed your teeth with the promised toothbrush and stared at yourself in the mirror.

You were able to wash off the makeup with some wipes and now there was a red, puffy face that pulled the same grimaces as you, the evidence of your crying as clear as the hurt in your eyes.

After spitting out your toothpaste and washing your face once again, you turned off the lights and stepped back into the bedroom.

It was dark there as well, the room illuminated by the lamps on the bedside tables, their glow casting golden hues on the face of the man standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

Your lips were automatically drawn upwards at the sight of Thranduil, especially now that he wore the dark blue pajamas. His hair was thrown together in a bun at the top of his head, some strands framing his face perfectly and lining up with his jaw.

His tongue swiped over his lips, cerulean eyes watching you intensely and you didn't miss when they raked over your body and how they lightened up.

"Did you find everything?"

"Yes, thank you."

More silence.

Thranduil took a step towards you, stretching his hand out in a wavy indication to the bed. "Uhm–" he cleared his throat "I don't want to impose but do you want to stay here tonight?"

Your jaw fell open at the invitation which prompted Thranduil's eyes to widen in shock. "You don't have to if you don't want it! I can bring you back downstairs to your room if you prefer some solitude after today–"

"No–"

"I wouldn't be mad, love."

"Thranduil," the second his name fell from your lips he shut his mouth.

"I will never get enough of that," he said quietly and you tilted your head in question. "Before you, my name was such a strange sound on the lips of others. Now.. now I fear that nothing I'll ever hear will sound as beautiful as my name when you say it."

Your face flushed hot at this admission, spoken so honestly that you knew it to be true.

"Well, uhm, Thran– Thranduil, I wouldn't mind… sleeping here, I mean," you rambled on, the thoughts in your brain scrambled like eggs or flown away like the leafs on the cherry tree outside; his words were a strong wind shaking your composure to the point you adverted your eyes in the fear of proclaiming all your love all of the sudden.

What came out your mouth instead, was a long yawn.

The exhaustion of the last two hours (how it had been only two and not more since the party) was rushing to your head now that you were finally in warm and dry clothes and additionally in Thranduils company, your body aching for rest.

Thranduil ultimately smiled, nodding once before he placed his hand on your lower back and turned you around. "Then it would be my absolute pleasure to have you here with me this night and every night you wish. Now, hush hush to bed or else you'll fall asleep right there"

Your cheeks turned another shade of pink and you wished the guest room a swift goodbye, not once feeling bad about abandoning the room next to your best friend if it meant you could sleep next to Thranduil.

That one morning you had awoken on the sofa was the sweetest of memories, especially the feeling that his tall body hugging you close to his chest had awoken.

He was someone that could protect you.

The moment you climbed onto the bed – and yes, climbed; the bed was high enough to have you move with one knee first and then try to gracefully jump the last part – the fabric of the sheets drew you in with their soft and light feel to it.

Thranduil joined you, slipping under the sheet on the right side of the bed and arranging the pillows in his back to his liking.

You observed the action, the routine in the movement of his hands as they pulled out the hair tie that had held his hair back and now removed, let the silver strands fall down his back and sides.

He grabbed his phone after he discarded the tie on the nightstand, the glow of the screen in the dark reflecting in his eyes as he switched to his alarm app and turned off the one single alarm that he had.

You snorted at that, pulling his attention to you.

"Sorry," you quickly said at his raised eyebrow "I didn't want to snoop. It's just funny that you have a single alarm while my phone in the morning rings nearly at a one-minute tact."

Thranduil chuckled and looked at his phone before turning to you. "Oh, I wondered why the hell you were getting calls in the morning when you sleep here. Not even my line in the office is that busy. And you still oversleep with that awful noise blasting your eardrums," he teased and you rolled your eyes at him.

"I do not oversleep!"

"You don't? My love, I can hear those appalling ring tones for what? An hour, two?"

"That's not oversleeping," you retaliated and lifted your nose into the air "I simply set my alarms an hour before I have to wake up so I can get that sweet sensation of being able to fall back asleep again and again," you sighed, reminiscent of the moments your head was being pulled back into the world of dreams

"and again..."

"You can't possibly fall asleep in those five– no two minutes that your phone is quiet before the next alarm screams out," Thranduil looked at you with disbelief.

"Of course I can, I'm a student. I will even accept the five minutes I have when Professor Baggins is making himself a cup of tea"

The sole look on your face told Thranduil you were serious and he shook his head, laughing to himself.

"It's been a long day," Thranduil said and you stifled a yawn. He chuckled, leaning over the small gap between you and breathed a short kiss on your forehead. "Let's sleep, my love," he murmured against your skin there and kissed you again. "You need the rest and I do too. We shall not wake with any alarm, you will sleep as long as you want."

"Uhm, then I would never leave this bed. Ever," you said and grinned, leaning against his lips in an attempt to get another kiss out of it.

He complied, laughing while doing it and the hot air of his breath caressed your face nearly as intimate as his hands on the side of your face.

You smiled but feigned a serious voice, one that could sound threatening if your smile wouldn't have shone through it: "I mean it! I will never ever get out of this bed, you will have to deal with me being here until I've worn out these gorgeous sheets."

Huffing, Thranduil sat back, a grin wide on his face. "Oh, how terrible that sounds! Most unfortunate... for your friends and university. I shall call them right in the morning and tell them Sleeping Beauty has fallen into her slumber and there was nothing I could do against it."

The sheets rustled as you giggled and wiggled down until your head rested comfortably on one of the pillows.

He looked down at you, the grin fell to a dramatic frown as when he reached over and stroked your cheek. "This fate must be so hard on you; staying here with me for all eternity."

You copied the dramatic sigh of his and tilted your head to face the ceiling. "The journey will be hard, but these pillows are soft enough to even it out. Besides, I'm sure there are worse possible outcomes for my future than sleeping here and waiting for a pretty prince to kiss me awake"

Grinning a Cheshire cat-like grin you snuggled deeper into the covers, pulling the sheet up your chest and inhaled the very masculine smell of them.. Thranduils smell.

"Maybe you can send Legolas up here to try"

A low blow, yes, you knew.

But Thranduil simply raised his eyebrow, he was so good at that, you envied him and wondered if he was born with simple talent or if he had worked for the perfection of the timing and the arch, and pushed the hair that had fallen on his chest back behind him.

"I would lock the door before allowing that," his lips curled in amusement.

Looking him up and down you pinched your lips. "Now that you say that, you do have an astonishing resemblance to Mother Gothel," For a moment you pondered "We would only need to dye your hair black, a shame, but– oh look! You even have the same scowl!"

Thranduil did indeed stare you down, cerulean eyes glaring until you saw the tiniest twinkle of mischief not just in his gaze but in the corner of his mouth as well. "I fail to see a resemblance between you and Rapunzel but if you exchange the Adam Sandler look you are wearing right now with a white nightgown I could see you as a slightly more obstinate Berta Manson," He reached over again and poked a long and slender finger into the pout of your cheeks. "And look at that, even the third floor fits!"

You gasped out loud at that, feigning hurt across your features whilst crossing your arms in front of your chest.

But before you could think of anything to retort, a yawn took over for you, breaking the teasing.

Thranduil promptly dropped his act as well, not fighting the besotted smile as he gave you another kiss, this time to the cheek. His hair tickled you when he leaned down and you scrunched your nose.

"As much as I would love to hear what comparisons you could up with," he started and his voice was low, deep, rolling through your entire body in pleasant waves "I believe sleep is in order. Good night my darling, sleep well." He leaned to the side and grabbed the cable hanging there, connected it with his phone, and set it down on the table, turning off the lights while he was at it.

Without making much noise Thranduil settled into the pillows again and his legs brushed yours under the covers.

"Excuse me", he said softly and drew back.

The rain was still heavy against the windows, supported by a low rumbling in the distance and the howling of the wind that shook the trees outside the house.

Nature was loud with everything, from the brewing thunder to the raindrops collecting in a puddle on the window sill in a constant drip drip drip...

The silence inside the room was unbearable loud for you. The rustling of the sheets when you moved even the tiniest bit was as loud in your ears as the roaring ocean waves crashing against the shore, hell, you even thought your swallowing and blinking would make enough noise for Thranduil to hear.

Just as all the lights had gone out, something had settled over the room.

You couldn't put your finger on it, didn't know what it was exactly that was now present but you could feel it in your stomach.

It wasn't awkwardness.

Not like you had sometimes felt it after one night stands when the guy would stay in your room and it would suffocate you to have this person next to you that you really didn't want to have there.

Not like you had felt it the first time you had to crash at Aragorns and he you had fought about where you would sleep and he'd made the argument that you both were adults and could sleep in one bed after twenty minutes of back and forth.

You had kept your distance to him that night and it was like every bit of friendly affection was put on hold for the six hours you had tried not to move and accidentally brush against him.

It wasn't like that now.

It wasn't discomfort either.

It was more pressing, eating away at you and crawling it's way up your body, from your stomach where it fluttered similar to nervousness, biting down in your chest and had you taking a deep breath until you felt it in your throat.

You tried to swallow only to found your mouth full of words that pressed against your teeth and lips, urging to be said out loud into the silence of the room.

You slightly opened your mouth, wettened your lips as the words formed each other to a sentence.

A statement.

A question.

"You never asked what happened tonight."

A whisper.

And then, the rustling of sheets.

Thranduils voice was hesitant at first: "It isn't my place to question it. I figured you would either tell me when you are ready or not at all and I would be fine with it either way." While he talked you could hear and feel him moving, sitting up against the pillows again. "I was worried, god yes and so much, but as soon as I knew that you were safe– safe with me, then I gave you the choice," he talked quietly, concern etched into the words when he seemed to remember the phone call.

The answer wasn't enough to satisfy the restlessness that harbored your body, it seemed to fuel it further and you had to sit up as well to try to calm a few of the nerves. "Yes, but wouldn't you want to know?" you asked in the direction you could make his face out. "I had you driving to the city without telling you anything and you did it. Without question."

"Are you mad at me for doing so?" he asked, the frown audible in his voice.

Your frustration grew and you felt the childish need to kick your legs or cry again. "No!" you said, far too loud and immediately lowered your voice, "No, I'm not mad. I just can't wrap my head around it. If I had written any of my friends they wouldn't have let go until I told them anything and then try to strangle whoever is responsible."

In a second the lights were switched on again and you saw a horrified look on Thranduils face. "Whoever is responsible?" he repeated, the words strangely choked "I– sweetheart I believe you if you tell me you are alright but if there is anyone out there that hurt you I promise you I can help."

You lowered your head as he talked but soft and cold fingers on your chin forced you to look at him again.

His eyes wandered over your face with the same precision of taking everything in and he fixed you with a worried expression. "I care for you, very much so and I know this day was exhausting for you so if you want us to go back to sleep I'll rest but you worry me. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Could you hold me? Please?"

It took a lot for the words to come out, the question not an easy one but you found yourself being tugged over to Thranduil, the man pulling you without as much as a question or hesitation, and struggle.

You landed on his lap in seconds, your knees digging into the pillows at either side of him and you fell into his chest with a deep sigh.

Almost instantly his arms wrapped around you, pulling the sheet up to cover your back and him with it and you rested your head on his shoulder, your arms holding onto him with the same eagerness to hold him close as his.

"There was an argument at the party," you began, whispering the words into his shoulder loud enough for him to hear them.

"My roommate wanted me to meet a guy, the brother of the guy she had been hanging out with; and at first I made a joke about her with these two guys, brothers because she had been joking too but then she told me one would be there for me."

Pausing, you took a deep breath. Your hands had wandered, twirling starlight blonde strands between your fingers. It calmed you, grounded you.

"And I was shocked, really shocked and annoyed because why would she invite a guy for me to make out with as if I didn't have a say in it? Who does that? I have told here before that that's not something I do, especially not now…" your voice trailed off, "Not since you."

"She got angry so fast. In one second she was laughing about making out with two guys and in the next she said these really hurtful things and I stood there, listening to her yelling at me at a party I originally didn't even want to be at and she didn't stop, didn't pause, just throwing every negative thought she had about me on me like our friendship had meant nothing. Well, it wasn't really a friendship."

You were two identical puzzle pieces that had somehow pressed into each other when you had met in your shared apartment in the dorm three weeks before the start of university.

A friendship, much more based on forced harmony and the desire to desperately know someone in this new place than matching preferences.

The rest grew around the shared space, shared experience and somehow you found things you both enjoyed, partying mostly, before you concentrated on the friendship with the boys.

"She was so mean, Thranduil," you mumbled, hands continuing their work on braiding his hair absently minded. "I had to get out of there, it became to much too fast and I couldn't look at anyone anymore. The people there must have heard everything... there were some guys I knew from Saurons class– I don't even want to think about what they think of me now."

Thranduils hand stopped the reassuring movements on your back and they moved up to your neck, guiding your head to look at him.

"I am so very sorry that happened to you," he started and his eyebrows drew together over the cerulean eyes filled with concern.

"Firstly I think however she thought she was helping you with inviting that boy, she should've checked with you and accepted whatever answer you gave her. I don't want to defend her in any way but maybe in her mind that was how she wanted to spend the evening with you." He worded his opinion carefully, ever the lawyer and you could imagine that he had quite a bit of practice with Legolas as well.

"Yes, she did. After I moved into the dorm we went out.. a lot," you abandoned the finished braid and moved to the next few strands of hair, right behind his ear. "And sometimes she would bring a guy home and I did too, once or twice. It didn't made me happy, not really. I think she was jealous because I have Legolas and Gimli and Aragorn and with them I don't need some guy and alcohol to tolerate a party."

"But jealousy isn't a good enough explanation for hurting you, nothing is," Thranduil moved his head, giving you room to pull out some of the long hair from behind him before settling again. "Do you want to tell me what she said?"

You froze, hands still in his hair, thin strands slipping between your fingers like water.

'Do you know how disgusting it is to see you being driven home at night by a man as old as my father? Not to mention it's your best friend's father'

'At first I really believed you were sleeping with Legolas since you were always with him and god I would have understood that'

'Is he paying you for sex? Or what does he want from you of all people?'

It was like you were confronted with them for the first time, your body reacting to remembering the tone, the venom and you tensed up.

Thranduil felt it inevitably as your thighs squeezed around his legs and started to pull in to your chest.

"Hey," he whispered, leaning forward to press his forehead against yours "Breathe for me, darling. Everything is alright, you are here."

"No it's not," you let out a breath as instructed, sitting up on Thranduils lap. "It's not and it's not fair that she can say these things and here I am, stupid enough to believe them.. or not doubt them. Stupid–"

"You are not stupid!" Thranduil said, his voice taking on a stern tone "You are far from it."

"Then how do you explain that it takes a simple 'no one really wants you if you're not fucking them' to have me crying on a curb in the middle of the night?"

You nearly didn't dare to open your eyes again, not when the tears were starting collect in them like the rain drops on the window sill but then Thranduils hands cupped your face fully, hands on your cheek and his thumbs followed the curve of your trembling lips.

"Look at me. Please, look at me," he whispered and you couldn't not follow.

The sight of Thranduil was blurred until you blinked a few times, sniffing to fight the tears from falling.

Thranduil's face was so close to you, close enough to nearly feel the words he was speaking. "You are a wonderful woman, my love, and these thoughts are poisoning your mind. If she said these things she doesn't know you as I do," He paused, holding your gaze and his heartbeat thrummed in your chest.

It beat in the same tact as the rain against the window.

Building up as your hand slid down from his hair to his chest, halting right above his heart.

"You never kiss me," you said in nothing more than an exhaled breath and the beat under your hand stuttered.

His eyes flickered down to where his thumbs where swiping over your mouth, hesitation in them when he looked back at you. "I know, I know. I wanted to, god I wanted to kiss you every time I dropped you off at your dorm and hated myself for letting you go with that look in your eyes that waited for me to do so," his voice trailed off into a sigh, his nose nudging against yours "To be honest with you my love, I was scared of how deep I would fall if I got closer to you, that I would lose myself. Ever since the night you stood in front of that painting, I could feel myself losing control over the rules I had set."

"Rules?" you interrupted, too confused to let that conversation drift away from that specific point.

He sighed again. "Yes, rules. Stupid ones really. When Legolas started talking about you I was intrigued, glad he found friends, yes, but the more time he spend just awing about your wit and how smart you were, helping him through exams, forcing him to study the more curious I got."

Thranduil's hands followed the curve of your cheekbone, continuing to talk as he caressed the skin in gentle movements that kept your head steadied on him.

"And then imagine my surprise when I picked you up that night at the bar–" He kissed the tip of your nose, "and here you were, not only smart, polite and so nervous but beautiful as well. And then you came over more and more, spending the night, reading more books in my library than I could count and you started these discussions at the breakfast table"

Thranduil huffed at the memory, shaking his head minimally.

"Politics, literature, oh even that one morning when you convinced Legolas to not skip class and he went out of the house with his night wear just because he wanted you to stop talking! I knew that if I didn't hold myself back I would move through hell and back if you asked me to. So I thought of these rules."

"Not touching you, not staring at you in awe, not lingering in the living room when you were over–", he counted on his finger of one hand.

"You did a good job at that," you whispered. Thranduil huffed out a laugh, his whole body heaving under you.

He nodded, "Yes, I may have failed sometimes–" You stared at him "Okay often! All that fell away after the moment at the painting. I knew I would never rest peacefully if I didn't try to find out what your true feelings were after you stared up at me."

"That's when things moved a lot faster. Why you were all hot-and-cold. " you concluded, your head feeling all fuzzy after listening to him.

All of it fell into place then, the hesitant touches, the disappearing into his study.

Have you two been suffering for much longer if you could have just talked to each other? But then, the teasing and the tension had been utterly electrifying.

"And, please tell me if I'm wrong, the night you asked me out, to the concert I mean, were you sure then? That this could work?"

Thranduil nodded, nose once again brushing against you. His hands fell down to your waist, which you gratefully leaned into. Your face had grown considerably warmer with his fingers stroking your lips.

"It was either the concert or Netflix and chill," he responded in such a wishful tone that had you laughing out loud.

"That wasn't my proudest moment. I swear you asking me out on a date was unbelievable. I missed the whole lecture from Sauron the next day because all I could think about was if you had been serious"

"Of course I was serious, the evening is all planned out in my mind. Frankly, I had planned it when I got the tickets and still had to ask you if you wanted to go. But I think we are getting of track here," You stared at him, thighs shuffling nervously around. You saw him swallowing, adams apple bobbing in his throat as his eyes darted down to your lips.

"I think," he started with his voice an octave deeper than before "I would very much like to kiss you now– if you'll still have me"

All you could do was nod and then Thranduils lips hovered over yours, his eyes searching your face for a final permission and when you gave it to him in a barely audible "please," his lips finally touched yours.

The first kiss was soft, almost just a brush. It was the catalyst, the lighter for the fire sizzling inside you.

You closed your eyes and let yourself fall. Hands fisted in his shirt you leaned closer, closing the gap between you for another kiss, this one more daring, lips starting to move against each other in a hurry.

Thranduils hands grabbed your waist more forwardly, bunshing the fabric up, fingertips ghosting over your heated skin and you gasped into his mouth at the feeling of the cool and smooth digits.

He used it as an opportunity and licked over your lips with his tongue, crashing every thought you would ever had into a mess.

This was not like other first-kisses, this was not some fumbling around and trying to get into a rhythm.

Thranduil's lips moved with a purpose and directed urgency reflecting the hundreds of thoughts you both shared individually about this moment.

A deep and rumbling hum of appreciation vibrated in his chest and his hands spread all over your hips, holding you close to him as if you would ever think of leaving again.

When you broke apart, gasping for air and chest heaving, you could only stare at him. Thranduil's gaze was wandering over your face, dilated pupils hushing right and back, taking you all in in a way, gaze so pure and open with all of his feelings pouring out of it, that your heart screamed and her bones ached.

It was then and it was right.

There was no more space, no more shadows, just you and him.

"Again"

taglist [still open]: @mushroomemeralds, @mssuguru, @solartoge, @12134z03, @fruitymoonbeams-blog, @lady-of-imladris , @finallyforgotten , @123forgottherest @tomhockstetter7-111 @marshymallo @emily-roberts @howlerwolfmax @tigereyesf @seththetinydemon

#📁files: passenger princess #thranduil x reader #lotr x reader #thranduil fanfiction #thranduil x you #the hobbit fanfiction #the hobbit x reader #lord of the rings fanfiction #thranduil oropherion #thranduil

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hearts-hunger · 5 months

Text

home for the holidays — chapter three

Read on AO3 | Masterlist | Cabin Fever Masterlist

Series Summary: The Cabin Fever gang spends Christmas in Frankenmuth. || Chapter Summary: Jake has an important question to ask you.

⮡ part one | part two

Pairings: Jake x Reader, Sam x Danny, Josh x Baby | Genre: holiday fluff | Word Count: 3k | Chapter Warnings: none!

A/N: I'm finally updating this fic can you believe it!! Everybody blow a kiss to the sweet nonnie who asked if I was going to write more for this fic, because their encouragement and interest gave me the motivation to write this chapter that I've been daydreaming about for year now. I hope you like it, and nonnie, this one's especially for you! ♡

You woke gently to the strains of a crackly Christmas vinyl and your boyfriend’s soft voice singing along, snuggled in blankets that smelled like him and blissfully content. You opened your eyes but stayed still for a moment, enjoying the peaceful, comforting air of Christmas: you felt the afternoon sun shining all golden over the snow-covered windowsill, smelled cookies baking from the kitchen, saw your boyfriend’s childhood bedroom in all its cosy clutter. You also saw Jake, sitting on the floor as he sorted through a wooden jewelry box, leaned against the bottom bunk you were curled up on.

“What a wonderful feeling, watching the ones we love,” Jake sang with the record, his voice quiet to keep from waking you. You had to agree with Ray Charles; you loved to see Jake back in his parents’ house, comfortable and settled among all his boyhood memories. He sifted through the jewelry box, and the necklaces and bracelets jingled musically as he untangled them.

“Hi Jakey,” you said softly.

He turned, a sweet smile lighting his handsome face.

“Well hi, sweetheart.” He reached a hand to gently brush your hair back from your face. “Did you have a good nap?”

“Wonderful,” you agreed, stretching a little under the warm blankets. “Thanks for letting me sleep.”

He chuckled. “You’re welcome, honey. You were almost asleep at lunch. You needed a little rest, huh?”

Your early-morning flight from Nashville had led right into a trip to downtown Frankenmuth where you visited some of the old holiday haunts; and though you’d loved being back in your hometown with your little family of Jake’s brothers and their partners, you’d all needed time to recharge before the rest of your planned Christmas Eve fun.

Jake turned back to his jewelry for a moment before he pulled out a well-loved Atocha coin necklace.

“Here,” he said, handing it to you. “I forgot I had one here. Now we can match.”

You smiled and cradled it in the palm of your hand. “You could have wrapped it and given it to me tomorrow,” you said.

He shrugged, a little bashful. “I guess I could have. Consider it an early present.”

You closed your fingers over it. “Thank you. I love it.” You liked it even better than you would have liked a new one, knowing it was one he’d worn and loved for a long time before you were together and wanted to share with you now.

He angled his body closer to you for a kiss, and you brushed your fingers through his hair as you gave him what he asked for so gently. It was a little awkward with him still on the floor and you on the bed, and you giggled as he made his way onto the bed with you without breaking the kiss.

“Are you sure we’re gonna fit on this bed tonight?” you asked, scooching over to make room for him, even though there wasn’t a lot of room to be made. The twin bunk beds he and Josh had had since childhood were comfortable enough for one each, but two adults had to squeeze if they wanted to share.

He hovered over you and kissed your neck. “It’ll be nice and cosy,” he said, his breath warm on your skin. “Don’t you think so?”

You laughed and tucked your necklace into the pocket of his jeans, freeing up your fingers to comb through his hair. “Yeah, I think so.”

He kissed you for a long while, loving and lazy and humming along with the music as his hands wandered over you. You relaxed completely under him, thankful you were spending this Christmas and every one to come with the man you loved and the family you had together.

He groaned a little when the alarm on his phone went off, indicating it was time to start getting ready for another round of holiday fun. You, Baby, Danny, and the Kiszka boys were going to walk around downtown some more; later, when the sun set, you were going ice skating before you went to the local pub to watch Papa Kiszka’s set with his band. You were looking forward to it even if you were reluctant to leave Jake’s bed, but Jake buried his face against your neck as you started to get up.

“I’m not letting you up,” he said, wrapping his arms around you and pressing kisses to your jaw. “Let everybody else go bust their asses trying to ice skate. We’ll stay nice and warm right here in bed.”

You giggled. “Jakey,” you cooed. “You can’t be a Grinch on Christmas Eve.”

“Oh yes I can. My brain is full of unwashed socks or whatever.”

You laughed out loud, and he beamed at you like it was the prettiest sound he’d ever heard.

“It’s his heart that’s full of unwashed socks,” you told him.

“You’re the boss,” he said. He kissed you again. “I love you very much, you know.”

“Enough to go ice skating with me?” you teased.

He gave you a wry smile. “Yes, and that’s saying something.”

You smiled. “Aw, Jake. I love you very much too.”

—

“Jake, it looks wonderful. Quit fussing.”

He didn’t answer you right away, tongue caught between his teeth in concentration as he tried to get the placement of one particular clove bud just right. Though you’d thought the soy candle making at the Frankenmuth Historical Society would be a fun little diversion, Danny and the twins had turned it into a competitive sport. Each one of them had painstakingly attended to every last detail in a way that seemed totally unnecessary and amusing to you, Sam, and Baby.

After a few moments, Jake stepped back when he’d arranged the cloves and pieces of dried orange just the way he wanted them on the top of your candle.

“There!” he said. “I know I was driving you crazy, honey. Sorry. But it had to be done.”

You smiled and looked over the candle you’d made together — or, at least been together for while Jake made it. He’d done the lion’s share of the work, not because you’d been unwilling to help, but because you had figured out five minutes into the process that he was going to be particular about it.

He’d let you pick the scent, though, and you were happy enough with that as he poured the last layer of wax over the top to set the decorations. Besides, you had to admit that it looked beautiful. You tied a festive piece of twine around the ring of the mason jar, and you stifled a laugh as you saw Jake’s face.

“Does that look okay?” you asked, a little too innocently.

His expression was pained with stress at the crooked bow and an intense desire not to upset you. He reached his hand out to the bow, stopped short, and reached out again.

“Don’t be mad,” he said, glancing up at you before he quickly straightened the bow. “It’s really nice, honey. It was just a little crooked.”

You laughed, not unkindly, and kissed his cheek.

“I’m not mad,” you said. “I know you just want it to be perfect, and that’s okay. Is it perfect now?”

“Yes,” he said with a grin, holding it up to look at it more closely. He met your eyes. “It was a good idea to come do this, sparrow. I know we had to kill time before ice skating, but now we have a beautiful Christmas candle.”

You gave him a slightly weary smile. “I’m glad you liked it.” It wasn’t as relaxing an activity as you’d thought it would be, but hey, he was right. You had a lovely Christmas candle to show for it.

Jake showed off your creation to the others, graciously buffing up your contributions to the creative genius, and you got to see the candles Danny and Josh had been fussing over while their partners looked on with amusement. Josh’s was eucalyptus and grapefruit, decorated with dried lavender — not exactly Christmassy, but it would fit nicely in their home. Danny’s was warm and spicy with star anise and cinnamon sticks on the top, and it was perfectly him.

Jake, Josh, and Danny started examining the other’s candles, and they quickly started coming up with ideas for other candles they could make. The rest of you coaxed them out of starting their own candle business with the promise of a stop by the popcorn shop, and as soon as you got their masterpieces put safely in the car, you headed down the street for their prize.

You all perused the selection of flavored popcorn at the sweet shop, enjoying the warm, sweet air and the strains of festive music piped through the rows upon rows of treats.

“I’m gonna get some of the salted caramel,” Jake said, taking a sample from the tray and sharing it with you. “I know you’re not big on caramel, but just try it.”

You did, and it wasn’t terrible, but it wasn't your favorite. Jake smiled when you handed the little cup back to him.

“Which one do you want?” he asked.

You walked a little further down the display, perusing your options.

“Oh, never mind, I know which one you want,” he said sweetly.

You grinned up at him. “Oh yeah? Well, if you’re so smart, you get it for me.”

Jake did, getting a bag of the caramel and another of the Oreo flavor for you. He handed it to you with all the confidence and pleasure of a man who knew he’d picked exactly which popcorn his lady wanted.

“Aw, Jakey, you did know which one to get me,” you said happily.

He shrugged. “I’m a genius, what can I say?”

The six of you walked down the darkening streets of downtown Frankenmuth, munching your popcorn and enjoying each other’s company as you admired the Christmas lights and sparkling decorations. Eventually you made your way to the ice rink, taking a moment to ooh and ahh over the twinkling lights draped overhead and the beautiful Christmas tree in the middle.

“Isn’t the tree beautiful?” you asked.

“It’s very pretty,” Jake agreed. “And I’m glad you like it, because you’ll be seeing it up close the whole time we’re hanging with the slow skaters in the middle.”

You smiled, and as you got your skates, you noticed that Jake kept glancing at the ice with more and more apprehension.

“Are you sure you want to skate?” you asked. You thought it was kind of charming and funny that a man so graceful and skilled on stage in front of thousands of people was worried about a little ice skating. “I don’t mind sitting this one out, honey. We can get some coffee and just watch.”

He frowned. “But you want to skate, right?”

You shrugged. “I want to be with you,” you said simply. “And I don't want to make you do something you're not comfortable with.”

A slightly bemused smile crossed his face, as if he couldn’t quite believe you were real, and he studied you with that loving gaze you knew so well.

“What?” you asked, feeling your cheeks warm.

He shook his head. “Nothing. I don’t know.” He smiled. “You’re something, aren’t you sparrow?”

You pressed closer to him on the bench, remembering another time he’d said that to you.

“Something good or something bad?” you asked.

He grinned and kissed you. “Something good, for sure.”

After a few more kisses, he knelt in front of you and helped you out of your boots.

“You don’t have to, Jake.”

“No, I want to. See, this is one part I can do.”

He set your boots to the side and ran his thumb over your ankle as he grabbed your skates, loving you without even having to try with his absent, comforting touch. For Jake, showing you love was as easy as breathing, and you felt your heart squeeze at the gentle way he cared for you above himself.

“Thank you,” you said softly.

He smiled up at you. “You’re welcome, sparrow. It’s my pleasure.”

When both pairs of skates were laced, you took his hand and led him onto the ice. He took your other hand too, almost immediately unsteady, and you leaned close to kiss his nose.

“Thanks for skating with me, Jakey.”

He gave you a rueful smile. “You’re welcome. You sure you don’t want to do a couple laps without me?”

“Nope, I want to be right here with you.”

You skated together for a long time, holding hands, managing to keep him upright most of the time. You watched Baby and Josh skating gracefully, his fantastic agility on the ice making up for her slight clumsiness; Danny and Sam were slow but steady, attempting tricks and laughing when they went awry. When the crowd thinned, you, Danny, and Baby raced each other while Josh and Sam tried to keep Jake steady; all three of them ended up in a heap, and you three came back to your partners and laughingly helped them back up.

“Go skate for me,” Jake said when you’d gotten him safely to the wall. “I want to watch.”

You did, flying across the ice, loving the feel of the cold air stinging your face. When you finally came back to Jake, you were breathless and flushed and very happy.

“You’re beautiful,” he said, brushing your hair back from your face. “Like the sugar plum fairy or something.”

You beamed and kissed him. “Thanks, honey.” You took his hands again. “I missed you, though.”

Back near the tree, you skated slowly as a light snow started to fall.

“You did that whole loop without falling!” you said. You moved in front of him and skated backwards, holding his hands and leading him. Though he’d gained some confidence, you felt a new sort of nervousness come over him, something more like excitement than anxiety, and felt yourself start to get excited too without even knowing what it was for.

“I want to try a trick,” Jake said. “Since I’m getting so good.”

You laughed. “Are you sure?” You weren’t convinced you’d make it out of this attempt without a few bruises, but you were willing to try whatever he wanted.

He grinned and squeezed your hands. “I’m sure. Absolutely sure.”

“Is it a trick for both of us, or just you?”

His brown eyes twinkled with mischief. “Both of us, if I have any luck. You ready?”

You nodded, still holding his hands and watching as he slowly lowered himself to one knee in front of you. You couldn’t imagine what kind of trick this was, but you held off asking before he’d shown it to you.

He let go of your hand and reached in his pocket. “Sparrow, will you marry me?”

You blinked. “Wait — what?”

He laughed, big and bright, and for a moment, all you could think of was how handsome he was. His soft brown waves were dusted with snow; his face was rosy with cold; his smile lit up his features until you felt like your heart might break just looking at him.

“Will you marry me?” he asked again, patient and attentive.

You looked from his handsome, bashful smile to the little black box he held. Inside was a beautiful ring, all rainbows in the rosy glow of the Christmas lights, and you couldn’t think of a single intelligent thing to say. Something tight and wonderful felt close to breaking apart in your chest, and you tried to keep from crying, but all of a sudden he was blurry and the lights were a swirl and there was nothing on earth but the feel of his hand holding yours.

“Jake, are — are you serious?” you managed.

His smile was so tender as he looked up at you with nothing short of adoration.

“I’m serious, sparrow.” He squeezed your hand. “I love you, sweetheart, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”

And oh, there it went. The most fragile part of your heart shattered into a million shiny bits, making room for a flood of emotion you couldn’t have held back if you tried.

You fairly threw yourself at him, and it was his turn to keep you steady as you put your arms around his neck and kissed him like you’d never kissed him before. He laughed and hugged you tight, joy and wonder coming off him in waves.

“Of course I'll marry you,” you said, and your voice was wrecked, and you hadn't even realized you’d started to cry. He pulled back just enough to see your face and tenderly brush the tears from your face.

“My sparrow,” he said, just for you to hear. “I love you so much, Mrs. Kiszka.”

You’d never heard anything more wonderful. You cried harder and kissed him again.

“Aw, sweetheart,” he laughed. “Don’t cry. Are you happy?”

“I have absolutely never been happier in my whole life,” you said with a joyful, watery laugh. “I can’t believe you. What on earth am I going to get you for Christmas that could top this?”

He grinned. “Just you.”

You cradled his beloved face in your hands and tried to stop crying, but you loved him so much, and he was looking at you like you were the most wonderful thing in the world.

“I love you, Jake.”

He kissed you, and everything was right in the world. “I love you too, my little sparrow.”

gvf taglist:@malany-gvf@spark-my-nature@eearevee@madneedshelp@demonrat444@josh-iamyour-mama@honeyandsweettae@mydarlingdanny@gretavandann@sacredjake@myleftsock@joshskittytickler21@hellowgoodbye@watchingovergvf2@fearfulspirit@mywaysoon@carbondancingthroughtime@caprisunsister@eraofstardustchords@sacredthefran@shesawomaninadream @serendipiti @demonrat444@wildflowerxx-x@tearsofdanny @iluvjoshkiszka @jordie-gvf-admin@demolitionndann@hi-hi-hello11@wildbluesorbit@nessie-glorpa@laneygvf @jazzyfigz

@gvfrry@ohhey1293@the-chaotic-cow@mountain-in-springtime@xserenax-13@stardustjtk @brooke-gvf@weightofdreams-gvf@jakeydoesit@gretasmokerising@hayley1623@doodle417@finestoflines@brokenbellz@bowievanfleet@s0livagant@strugglingtodoshit@s-u-t@kay-jordan@gretavanfleas@jakeyboiiiiiii@gretavansteph@gretavanbitches@myownparadise96@luverleaver@weightofdreamz@greatervanfleet@maedesculpaeusoubi@jakekiszkasbestie@pineapple-photographer@baguettejuliette@alexxavicry@levi-wants-ur-bones@carlybubs@cowboysamkiszka@dannyandthekiszkas@jordierama@slutforsteve@starshine-wagner@quartzzzzzzz@edgeofdreams@writingcold@lostoverseer@catharu77@mackalah@jaketlove @haileygvf @blacksoul-27 @ur-m0ms-blog@hi-hi-hello11@wildbluesorbit @nessie-glorpa @laneygvf@madneedshelp@dreamsingxld

#never give up hope on a fic that's my motto 🫡#hehe but anyways i hope you like this chapter! i'm hoping to write at least one more <333 #jake kiszka x reader #gvf fanfiction #cabin fever fics #maddie writes stuff!

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plutoccult · 4 months

Text

HAIKYUU X THE OFFICE AU — EPISODE FOUR: OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY

pairing: sugawara koushi x female reader

description: it’s the holidays, and that means it’s time for the annual office christmas party where everyone participates in secret santa. much to sugawara’s delight, he has picked your name for secret santa this year and plans to make it count.

word count: 5.6k

also available to read on my ao3 here

author’s note: hello and happy holidays! i will admit i’ve been struggling to stay motivated with this series, but i have to remind myself that i’m mainly writing this for MY enjoyment at the end of the day. i’m the ultimate sugawara warrior and it shall stay that way. anyway, it’s christmastime, so of course i’m writing a christmas episode! i strayed away from parts of the episode quite a bit. this definitely has more focus on sugawara than the reader this time around, but i’m not mad about it. it’s nice to see an angsty, pining suga 🤭 i almost thought this would have to be split into two parts, but i’d rather keep it as one. i also made a playlist for sugawara and the reader a good bit ago, so here’s the link here (i am very much open to song suggestions)! i’m so excited to get closer to my favorite episode ever, and i hope you guys enjoy!

tags: @toorubobatea @cowgirlikets @dragon-slayer5 (ily ty for hyping me up) @femme-lune @kazuchaos @bakagun1312 @beingbrokenfitsus @mumblepingu @daedaep69 @darthferbert @intheewrld @msbyomimi @sukxma @akari-fujikawa

taglist form here

christmas was always the best time of year for the office. the holiday spirit was at its peak, everyone loved being a part of it, especially your boss, ukai. he took christmas more seriously than everyone else, even kiyoko who primarily handled planning the annual office christmas party each year. ukai took it so seriously that he chopped his own tree and brought it to the office building, dragging tanaka along in his shenanigans towards festive greatness.

tanaka huffed and puffed as he let go of the bottom half of the tree, ukai holding the top half. “ukai, i don’t think it’s gonna fit.”

“that’s what she said.” ukai joked, resisting the urge to snicker. it was like he was a child in a grown man’s body. plus, that joke aged like milk. only he found it funny.

“no, like, it’s really not gonna fit.” tanaka said.

“again, that’s what she—”

“WE CAN’T FIT THE GODDAMN TREE THROUGH THE DOOR, UKAI!” he yelled at the top of his lungs, completely frustrated with his boss. you could hear tanaka from your desk inside the office, but it came out muffled, so you couldn’t quite make out what was being said. you assumed it was idiotic activities as always.

“i’ll make it fit.” ukai insisted, the spirit of christmas granting him all the determination he needed.

“lemme guess, you’re gonna say that’s what she said, right?” tanaka let out a sigh.

“don’t make me fire you, tanaka.” ukai threatened.

“should’ve just got a fake tree.” tanaka rolled his eyes. yeah, that definitely would’ve worked just fine, but this was ukai here. the man was crazy. he would never do anything the normal way.

“i guess that would’ve worked…” ukai said as he pondered over how he would get this tree through the door, quickly thinking of his idea of the best way to do it. “alright, on three, we’re gonna shove this through and hope for the best. got it?”

“i guess?” no. tanaka didn’t get it, but he had no choice.

“too bad. one… two… THREE!”

with one big push, ukai and tanaka burst through the doors of the office. the tree toppled to the floor, bringing them along with it. the sound startled just about everyone, having been doing their typical duties. to you, it just felt like any other day, and you didn’t bother to help the two men.

tanaka fell face first into the pile of pine, aggressively coughing as he wiped any pine needles off his face. “i think i swallowed a pine needle.”

“well, merry fucking christmas.” ukai said enthusiastically. he seriously needed to be scolded over his cursing.

“ukai!”

•••

in the first time in, well, ever, suga was actually excited to be doing an interview for the documentary crew. why? because of this year’s secret santa.

“so this year, for the first time ever, i got finally y/n for secret santa. i’m pretty excited about it, and i really wanted to do something special for her, so i got her this teapot. as much coffee as she drinks here, y/n is way more of a tea person—i would know—so with this she can make tea at her desk.” suga said excitedly, showing off your gift for the camera.

“but i also stuffed it with some inside jokes, that’s what makes it so special, you know.” he continued, carefully digging through the teapot to show off said inside jokes. “like, this is my high school volleyball photo. she saw it fall out of my wallet on my first day here, and it really made her laugh. not sure why, but i’m letting her have it now.”

with the biggest grin on his face, suga dug through the teapot for more, pulling out a wasabi packet, but it wasn’t just any ordinary packet of wasabi. this had a story behind it, one that had meaning for suga.

“ooh. this is a wasabi packet. she put this on a hot dog a couple years ago because she thought it was relish.” he explained. “i thought it was really funny, so i kept the other two.”

after telling the wasabi story, suga held up a mini toy of a chili pepper with a kawaii face, but made a squeaking noise when someone squished it. poor sound guy jumped when it almost blasted his eardrums.

“this is actually a toy for dogs or babies or something, i don’t know.” suga shrugged. “but i saw it, it was cute, and it reminded me of awards night, so i thought; why not?”

but the most important gift of all—one that outsold everything in that teapot—was a card suga wrote just for you, detailing his feelings towards you all on paper. “and then, uh, this is a special card i wrote for y/n… because christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.”

oh, the documentary crew was going to eat this up.

•••

kiyoko and yachi were put up with the task of decorating for the party, forcing many of their coworkers to partake. they also had to deal with ukai’s hack job of a christmas tree. the two girls tried their best to salvage it, throwing as many ornaments and tinsel on it as possible, but it was a losing battle. it was just going to be an ugly tree, so they put the rest of their effort into decorating the conference room.

when it seemed like they were done with everything, kiyoko made her rounds, examining each decoration, but by the end, she wasn’t a fan. “i don’t like it.”

“you… don’t?” yachi questioned.

honestly, it was the perfect scene; red and green decorations perfectly put together, all strategically placed, but if kiyoko didn’t like it, then it simply meant that more work needed to be done.

“we need more lights.” kiyoko said. “i need someone tall.”

“count me out.” tsukishima, who sat down while drinking a soda, spoke up. he had been put through enough, he was tired of decorating.

“i wasn’t asking you, tsukki.” kiyoko rolled her eyes.

“only yamaguchi is allowed to call me that.” tsukishima said.

“whatever.” she scoffed. “uh, who’s super tall and buff…?”

kiyoko and yachi share a look. they instantly knew exactly who to find.

“asahi.” they say in unison.

not only were the two girls on the same page, they knew exactly how to rope asahi into this mess, and it was all up to yachi to get the job done. “asahi, help! i’m dying!”

“dying?! who’s dying?!” asahi bolted into the conference room, only to find no one was actually in trouble.

“i’m dying… for you to hang up these lights for us.” yachi said with a grin as she held up a roll of christmas lights.

he didn’t have much choice, so asahi let out a sigh before ultimately giving in. “okay…”

•••

“i found that asahi will do pretty much anything for me because he’s afraid i’ll be a scaredy cat around him again.” yachi spoke confidently to the camera while the party preparations were happening behind her. “he’d probably commit murder for me, who knows?”

asahi, who overheard her, yelled out in defense for himself. “that is NOT true!”

“keep hanging up those lights!” she yelled at asahi, who immediately went back to work, further solidifying her point. “see? he totally would. he’s the best.”

•••

right before the party was about to start, ukai exited his office dressed like santa. you immediately laugh and try to mask it with a cough, but ukai caught you anyways. “something funny, y/n?”

“yeah, you look ridiculous.” you snort, covering your mouth to muffle out your laughter.

“that’s the point. this party is supposed to be fun.” ukai said sassily. “i want everyone to let loose. i want this party to be reminiscent of my frat boy days.”

“you were in a frat? what was it called?” you ask him, intrigued to hear his answer.

“beta schmeta—” yeah, he wasn’t actually in a frat. “whatever. all i’m trying to say is i want everyone to get lit!”

you cringe at ukai’s use of outdated slang. “that is so seven years ago…”

“yeah, and i want it to happen anyway.” he said.

“your way of getting lit is drinking, and we’re not allowed to have liquor in the office, so...” you reply. you were always one to follow rules. well, for the most part, at least. it was hard to have any sort of structure at an office ran by someone like ukai.

“don’t… don’t remind me, dammit.” ukai cursed. “stupid corporate losers. like booze ever killed anybody.”

you always found your boss was painfully stupid at times, and this was definitely one of those times. but even so, you tried to combat it every time, always failing no matter what.

“but booze has killed—” you began to say.

“anyway!” he cut you off, tired of this conversation and ready to party. ukai then waved tanaka over to him so they could get the party started. “tanaka, let’s get this show on the road! announcement, everybody! listen to tanaka because he’s a better at yelling than me, as shown earlier when he yelled in my face!”

“yes, everybody listen up!” tanaka yelled out. “you better have your presents wrapped up and ready to go under the tree because we will not wait for you and you will be disqualified from secret santa! don’t be that guy! nobody likes to be that guy, so don’t be him!”

you let out a groan as you grab your present for secret santa from under your desk, eyeing the camera on your way to put it under the tree.

“please, don’t let this party suck ass.” you whisper to yourself. you hear tsukishima snicker behind you, an “ow!” soon following, assuming it was yamaguchi smacking him on the back of his head.

•••

“i love christmas. christmas is fun. it’s the best time of the year besides my birthday.” ukai said, still dressed like santa, knowing this would be seen on television one day. “why do i love christmas, you may ask? because i get free stuff, and who doesn’t love free stuff?”

•••

everyone gathered around the tree, placing their presents underneath. one could compare it to christmas morning with your family. some may argue that this office is like a family, while some may think otherwise, but regardless, it was nice for everyone to be together in harmony.

after daichi and tanaka argued over who would light up the tree—mainly because daichi didn’t trust him with outlets—tanaka was finally given the rein, or, well, extension cord.

“everybody ready?” he asked, a mix of nods and “uh-huh” in response.

“okay, and…” the tree is lit up, but it’s quite dim. “yikes.”

silence plagued the room. no one expected the lighting of the tree to be so anti-climatic, especially since the office makes such a big deal out of christmas every year. kiyoko practically wanted to die of embarrassment given she was responsible for the decorations, even if yachi was the one who brought in the lights from her apartment.

while no one said a word, you were the one to speak up, praising the tree for kiyoko and yachi’s sake. “well, i think the tree looks quite nice.”

“thanks, y/n, but you don’t have to lie.” yachi frowned.

“no, it’s a lovely tree.” ukai insisted. “let’s do secret santa now, okay? tanaka, pick who gets the first present.”

tanaka walked over to the tree and picked up a random present, reading who its intended for. “and it’s… tsukishima.”

“oh?” once handed the gift, tsukishima ripped away the wrapping paper to unveil a dinosaur plushie. much to everyone’s surprise, he was delighted by the gift. “aw, this is actually really nice.”

“oh, thank god.” nishinoya let out the biggest sigh of relief one could take. “that was from me.”

“wow, thanks, nishinoya.” tsukishima said with a smile. someone may as well pass out from shock now. christmas truly brought all types of miracles.

•••

“that is literally the nicest thing tsukishima will ever say to me!” nishinoya exclaimed. “i’m serious! i’ve officially peaked at life!”

•••

secret santa rolled along smoothly so far. suga ended up getting a card, which contained a twenty dollar bill inside, the limit for this year’s secret santa. kageyama claimed he didn’t know what to get, but suga wasn’t all too phased by it. who doesn’t like free money? besides, he was too eager for it to be your turn. luckily for him, it was happening right now.

“y/n, you’re next.” suga perked up once he heard your name, knowing your present would be from him.

you take the box from tanaka with a grin before opening up your gift. inside was the teapot suga spoke of to the documentary crew earlier, although you weren’t aware of its secret contents inside just yet, especially the card. you show off the teapot to your coworkers, and suga was notably the only one excited to see it in your hands. it made you wonder who your secret santa happened to be…

“wow, thank you very much, santa.” you say slyly. “whoever you are, you did good.”

“there’s a little more to it.” suga leaned over and said to you quietly.

oh. so your inkling of a suspicion was right, after all. now you were itching to see what was inside, but the office had to keep the show rolling, which completely distracted you from the anticipation.

“alright, next. asahi.” tanaka threw the present to asahi, which made ukai freak out.

“jesus, tanaka!” he yelled out. such a reaction instantly gave away that ukai was the one to get a gift for asahi. “easy, easy!”

moving on from ukai’s sudden outburst, asahi unwrapped his gift, shocked to see what was inside. “an ipad?”

yeah, ukai got asahi an ipad. asahi was just as shocked as everyone else, and he was the one to receive such a gift. clearly ukai felt he could bend the rules, but no one was happy about it, and it would surely be known soon enough.

“woah. wow. jeez. somebody really got carried away with the spirit of christmas...” ukai said, acting all nonchalant before he revealed himself as asahi’s secret santa, but everyone figures it out anyway. “that was me, i got a little carried away.”

“i don’t even know what to do with this…” asahi said to himself.

“ukai, you got way more than carried away.” you scolded your boss. “you spent god knows what on that thing! we had a limit!”

“okay, well, who cares?” ukai shrugged. “it doesn't matter what i spent. what matters is that christmas is fun, right?”

“it’s kind of unfair.” you cross your arms, but ukai could care less about your irritation, although everyone else was in agreement with you.

“whatever.” he rolled his eyes. “who’s next?”

“you are, ukai.” tanaka said.

“i am? great.” ukai was handed a small bag, opening it up and finding mittens inside, which he wasn’t happy about whatsoever. “really?”

“i knitted them myself…” yachi said shyly. she knew she should’ve knitted a scarf instead.

“mittens? pft, okay.” ukai then proceeded to walk out, confusing everyone.

“uh… did he just leave?”

•••

“these mittens? pathetic. i gave asahi an ipad for christ’s sake. i spent my hard earned money while yachi just did some fucking knitting.” ukai complained, unbothered by his cursing for the umpteenth time. “censor me, i don’t care!”

•••

left to their own devices, the employees of japan pulp and paper weren’t sure if they should continue secret santa without their boss. thankfully, ukai returned with a solution, although not a great one.

“i got it!” he burst through the office doors as if nothing happened. “we are going to turn secret santa into yankee swap.”

“what’s yankee swap?” suga questioned.

“one person chooses a gift, then the next person can either choose a gift or steal that person's gift. if your gift gets stolen, then you can steal somebody else's gift or choose a new gift.” ukai explained. it was confusing coming out of his mouth, but you were just going to roll with it anyway.

“yuck, why are we doing this?” tsukishima questioned, wanting absolutely no parts of ukai’s typical nonsense.

“because it's better, more special.” ukai replied. “duh.”

tsukishima wasn’t the only one who didn’t like this idea. kiyoko was practically fuming about it, especially since it spawned from ukai’s strong dislike towards yachi’s gift. “it’s mean, ukai. that’s what it is.”

“it’s not mean.” he said. kiyoko couldn’t believe how much of an ass he was being right now.

“yes, it is.” she argued. “you’re only doing this because you hate your present and you’re bitter yachi didn’t ball out for you like you did for asahi, which no one asked you to do, by the way.”

“no, it’s not.” ukai argued back. “just give it a shot.”

“i’d rather not, actually. i’ll be taking my present, which is…” kiyoko picked up a card with her name on it and opened it up. “a gift card for coffee. thanks, takeda. and whoever doesn’t want any part of this nonsense can take their gifts and hang with me in the conference room. yachi and i made sugar cookies and they’re very delicious.”

as kiyoko and yachi went to the conference for some real fun, suga followed, much to ukai’s surprise, including yours, although your boss was more vocal about it. “really, suga?”

“yeah, you guys have fun.” suga said before disappearing into the conference room.

“i’m coming too.” tsukishima stood up, clutching onto his new plushie. he couldn’t believe he and suga were on the same page for once. “for the sugar cookies, obviously.”

“yeah, okay.” suga snickered. well, not totally on the same page.

“shut up, sugawara.” tsukishima scoffed before dragging yamaguchi with him to the conference room.

as you watched suga leave with the others, part of you felt guilty. you wanted to follow him, but at the same time, you didn’t want to seem like a little puppy dog following its owner. besides, you were itching to get that ipad too. the teapot is just a teapot, right? you didn’t think there could be anything that special about it, but you couldn’t be more wrong right now.

•••

“why didn’t you opt out of yankee swap?” one of the crew members asked you, stirring the pot—or teapot—for the sake of the drama with suga.

“i don’t know. i thought it’d be fun.” you lie with a little shrug before revealing the whole truth. “plus, i kind of want to get the ipad. i can binge watch my shows with it while ryo hogs up the tv.”

this was totally ruining the crew’s spicy plans right now.

•••

while ukai’s yankee swap commenced, suga obsessively watched the events unravel from the conference room. he didn’t even try one of kiyoko and yachi’s sugar cookies yet. the man was a mess, hoping and praying that teapot wouldn’t fall into the wrong hands. it was meant for you and only you, why would you chance giving it up? suga knew it had to be the ipad. he never hated ukai more than he did right now for buying that stupid thing.

the others sat around quietly playing christmas music, snacking on cookies and chatting in the midst of suga’s lovelorn crisis. kiyoko decided to go talk to him and figure out what was up with him, but she had to do a bit of warming up first.

“hey, suga.” she said, forcing him out of his trance. “who did you get for secret santa?”

“oh, um, i got y/n.” suga replied.

to be honest, kiyoko was shocked that suga was capable was picking out something so sweet, but then again, this was suga. of course he would do that. “aw, cute. i really like that teapot.”

“i put little inside jokes inside the teapot.” he added. “plus, um, a really personal card.”

“saying…?” she raised an eyebrow.

“nothing. it’s not important.” suga shook his head. such a terrible lie.

“i think it is, sugawara.” kiyoko said.

suga hated how kiyoko was catching up to him. why did he have to mention that the card was really personal? it was more than just personal, the poor sap poured his feelings out to you in that card. he read it over a dozen times, making sure there were no spelling or grammar mistakes whatsoever. his brain felt like mush by the time he felt the card had reached its best version. this gift had to be perfect, but it never stood a chance at being that way, it seemed.

he had to get the attention off his back before kiyoko fully got the picture of the gift’s important, and thankfully, he knew exactly where to push her buttons. as suga once said, manipulation at its finest.

“shouldn’t you be worried about tanaka giving up the gift you got him?” he questioned. yeah, he heard a little bit from the grapevine about that.

“how did you know?” kiyoko gasped. she knew someone had to snitch. “yachi, was it you?!”

“no, never!” yachi exclaimed.

“actually, daichi told me.” suga smirked.

“that bitch.” kiyoko cursed. it was one more reason to want to slap the shit out of daichi. “whatever. i don’t care what he does with my gift anyway…”

suga let out a chuckle knowing kiyoko was playing off her crush on tanaka—one that was much more innocent than how he felt about you, an engaged woman—but his laughter quickly faded when he looked back at what was going on outside. “oh no.”

“oh no, what?” kiyoko questioned.

“hinata has the teapot.” suga replied. he then let out a loud groan, one that caught the attention of tsukishima who was trying to figure out why suga was acting more of a weirdo than usual.

“oh god, he’ll break it.” yachi said with a quiet gasp.

“i can’t watch.” suga turned away, covering his face with his hands. this was too painful for him to bear.

“y/n took the ipad.” kiyoko spoke up. as if hearing that made this any better.

“please don’t commentate like it’s a football game, kiyoko.” suga whined.

“sorry…”

tsukishima furrowed his eyebrows as he watched suga wail in agony, then gave a look to the camera. he had a weird feeling about this.

•••

“i’m just going to throw a theory out there.” tsukishima said plainly. “you don’t have to say anything, but i can read your faces. sugawara has feelings for y/n, doesn’t he?”

the documentary crew was unsure how to respond, but tsukishima guessed it right instantly. they knew, one by one, slowly but surely, the whole office would figure it out.

“that’s what i thought.”

•••

yankee swap continued, and it only got worse from there. your teapot was passed around like a hot potato, and it was torturous for suga to watch it all unfold. the sparkling cider kiyoko brought just wasn’t sparkling enough for him to dull this soul-sucking ache in his heart.

“i have to get that teapot back.” suga said. “if y/n doesn’t want it, then no one else should have it…”

it’s true. not even because of the card, but because it was specifically catered for you. outside it was just a teapot, but inside was a plethora of memories from your years of friendship. suga may be hopelessly in love with you, but your friendship meant the world to him at the end of the day.

“that’s…” yamaguchi paused. there was only one way to describe this. “really depressing.”

“it’s cause he has feelings for her.” tsukishima blurted out. everyone turned and looked at him in shock. did he really just say that right now?

“do not!” suga protested.

this was suga’s worst nightmare. was it always obvious? did anyone else know? did you know already? the questions swirled in his head a mile a minute. he was absolutely freaking out. from you giving up the teapot to this fiasco, the holidays simply couldn’t get any worse for suga. he just couldn’t catch a break, it seemed.

“ha, you so do! i figured you out, sugawara. you’re in love with y/n.” tsukishima smirked, almost finding joy in his suffering. actually, he found joy in everyone’s suffering, so this wasn’t much different, but since it was suga, he found it much more thrilling.

“what do you want? money?” suga asked desperately. it was the only solution he could think of so this secret wouldn’t spill anywhere else.

and since he mentioned it, tsukishima wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity. “yeah, gimme that twenty kageyama gave you.”

“suga, wait.” kiyoko stopped him. “do you really have feelings for y/n?”

ignoring her question, suga quickly handed the money to tsukishima. kiyoko couldn’t believe it. he really did have feelings for you, and now everyone in the room knew it. “oh my god…”

“this secret doesn’t leave this room.” suga demanded. he bought tsukishima’s silence, but luckily for him, everyone else didn’t need to be convinced with money. at least he hoped so...

now that he got that out of the way, suga checked in to see what was going on at the party, and it seemed like yankee swap had ended. worst of all, your teapot was nowhere in his sight. “wait, they’re dispersing. why are they dispersing?”

“ukai probably did something stupid and ruined the party even more.” tsukishima scoffed.

“who has the teapot? who has it?!” suga asked frantically like a madman.

“i think i see tanaka with it.” yachi said, pointing to him with what seemed like the teapot in his possession. it was worse than hinata having it, honestly, and suga needed it back now.

“NO!”

suga bolted out of the conference room, scanning the office floor to find tanaka. however, you walk up to him, holding the ipad in your hands. “hey! ukai left to get booze. he said screw the rules, i guess.”

“oh, really?” he asked. “great. i’ll need it.”

“yankee swap was kinda chaotic, but look who came out on top?” you say excitedly, showing him your new gift.

“that’s nice.” suga said quickly so he could get back to his mission. “uh, where’s tanaka?”

“break room.” you reply.

“great, thanks.” suga swiftly walked past you, abruptly ending your conversation. you found it a little odd, but ended up shrugging it off and heading back to your desk.

in a flash, suga walked into the break room, finding tanaka right where he needed him. “hey, tanaka. i need to talk to you. it’s about the teapot.”

“nuh-uh.” tanaka shook his head. he knew exactly what suga was up to, but he didn’t quite know the reason why, he just knew suga wanted that teapot. “don’t even, suga. this is mine.”

“really?” suga sighed. he had to get it back, someway, somehow. “look, it has sentimental value, tanaka. can i buy it from you? i’m willing to pay a lot.”

“no. i want it. i'm going to use it.” tanaka held it close to his chest like it was a baby.

“you don't even drink tea.” suga said.

“true.” tanaka shrugged. “but it lowkey looks like i could make a bong out of it.”

oh god. this was definitely way worse than hinata having the teapot.

•••

“to think that my gift for y/n will be used for that…” suga began to say, taking a deep breath, almost overcome with emotion. “it’s just too much for me.”

•••

suga walked out of the break room, absolutely defeated he couldn’t get the teapot back. even worse, he found you showing off your new gift to ryo, crushing him even more. despite the pang in his heart, suga couldn’t help but overhear your conversation.

“this is awesome.” he heard ryo say.

“i know.” you reply. “look at the quality on this thing. i can watch stuff in 4k on this.”

“yeah, i was gonna get you one of these for christmas, but now i don't have to since you got one for free.” he said happily, thrilled at the thought of not having to spend that much money on you. it made suga want to barf. “i'm gonna save a ton of money.”

“so what are you going to get me instead?” you ask him.

“i don't know. probably like, an ugly sweater or something.” ryo shrugged.

you look to the camera in disgust before their attention turned to ukai coming back to the office with bottles of alcohol. as if you needed more of that in your life after what happened last time you drank.

“ho, ho, ho!” ukai greeted everyone, on theme with his silly outfit. “santa has come with spirits, as in booze.”

“we’re really not supposed to serve alcohol, ukai…” takeda said, trying to keep his job by the end of the day.

“no one cares, specs.” ukai scoffed, typical when it came to talking to takeda. “it’s a party and it’s christmas! if i can't throw a good party for my employees, then i’m the worst boss ever, and that contradicts with my world’s best boss awards! so, who wants a drink?”

practically everyone raised their hands instantly.

•••

“if i’ve learned anything from my time at japan pulp and paper, it’s that alcohol solves all your problems.” ukai grinned. what terrible advice, the crew thought. “everyone’s having a good time, and why is that? alcohol. i’m such a good influence!”

•••

despite the whole secret santa fiasco, everyone seemed to be having a good time. at least now you could all have fun, even if it was with the help of alcohol. well, plus the food too. that too always helped.

while christmas music blared and many of your coworkers danced on the office floor, suga found you sitting behind your desk, wondering why you weren’t partaking in the festive shenanigans.

“you know, you don't have to answer calls during a party.” he said cheekily. “just thought you should know.”

“oh, i know.” you say, revealing the teapot to suga, showing that it was now yours once again. “i was just checking out my new teapot here.”

“what?” suga gasped. “but how?”

“well, it ended up with nishinoya after tanaka traded it for kiyoko’s gift, so i didn’t have to do much convincing to get it back.” you explained to him. “i figured, you know, letting it go was really stupid of me because what should matter most is that the gift is from you, so i went to get it back. i hope you’re not mad at me...”

it was a christmas miracle for suga, even if you simply just made a trade with nishinoya. of course he would give it up for the ipad. thank god he did, and thank god you were willing to let go of such a lucrative gift for one made with love instead. words couldn’t describe the relief suga felt right now.

“i’m glad, actually. and not to be totally biased right now, but this is an amazing gift because it comes with bonus gifts.” suga said. “look inside.”

suga’s reassurance put you at ease, and as directed, you look inside the teapot, pulling out his infamous volleyball photo. you had never been so happy to have that teapot. if only you knew before. “oh my god. no way.”

•••

you proudly hold up your teapot for the documentary crew, a huge grin on your face, one that only suga could bring out of you. “yeah, i think i made the right choice.”

•••

you looked through the rest of the contents in the teapot, and while you weren’t looking, suga stole the card he wrote back and shoved it in his pocket. he just couldn’t bring himself to let you read it. maybe someday, but not today. the timing is just wrong.

“is this a chili pepper?” you ask as you hold up the toy.

“yeah, cause you’re banned from chili’s. look, it makes noises.” suga squeezed the chili pepper, accidentally ghosting his fingers over yours, and you jump from the squeaking sound coming out of the chili pepper toy. totally not from his soft touch either.

you felt like an idiot for giving this up before. it helped you learn to not judge a book by its cover. you knew that’s something you learn as a kid, but sometimes you have to learn something all over again as an adult. at least you came to your senses. there was still so much for you to figure out.

“you’ve outdone yourself, suga.” you smile and look into suga’s eyes.

“it’s about time i got you for secret santa.” suga replied. god, why did you have to be so beautiful?

“yeah, it really has.“ you say, holding your gaze before gulping when you think you’ve been staring at him for too long. little did you know, he wouldn’t have minded looking into your eyes a little longer. “merry christmas, suga.”

if suga has learned anything about christmas, it’s that it’s definitely not the time to tell people how you feel. he knew that now, no matter how much it hurt. in his eyes, if you had to take some time to come around to fully accepting the teapot, then you had to take your time accepting a life without ryo, potentially in favor for a life with him instead. the only question now was when? it was only a matter of time before suga will grow impatient.

sometimes suga felt like he was better off shoving his feelings down his throat, and you felt the same way. what you have is beautifully complicated, but suga swore that one day he’d tell you how he felt. it just had to be the perfect time.

“merry christmas, y/n.”

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olderthannetfic · 7 days

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One thing that's recently occurred to me - and I wonder if you or any of the other followers of the blog have noticed this or if it's just me or if I'm completely off base - is that sorts of 'Ship AUs' (i.e. take the ship and put them - and usually other characters - in a total AU, like 'Coffee Shop AU' or 'Superhero AU' or 'Election AU' whatever), while not unknown in pre-Ao3 fandoms, seem to be a lot more common and prevalent, as a percentage in fandoms where the source canon is younger than ao3, or rather, younger than when Ao3 started to attract more wider attention from fandom? Like, older fandoms had their share of High School AUs, but apart from those, I can't think of such total changed universe/context AUs being super prevalent pre-Ao3's popularization - and even on ao3 today, those older fandoms still don't seem to have as many AUs like that as the newer ones do.

Is this something anyone else has observed, or maybe it's just a function of what fandoms I've been in? Or just me drawing assumptions - I haven't run the numbers after all.

Offhand, I think it's a function of which fandoms you're in. I have noticed that some fandoms are just more or less prone to AUs.

I recall being fond of all the J2 AUs. RPF fandoms of yore had the same tendency of current ones for using the cast basically as faceclaims for original writing.

For tv series and such... I wasn't really looking for this type of AU, so I don't remember a lot, but the popular but relatively rare SF AU has always been a thing. One of my favorite Starsky & Hutch fics is Pigs in Space.

I guess... if there is a pattern (and there might not be), it could be that fandoms with tons of newer writers and people participating just to participate have more 'make it easier to write' AUs like shoving ancient wherever-istan characters into an American coffee shop.

If you go back to the heyday of zines, there was more gatekeeping of what fic saw the light of day at all, and I do think there was a bit more of a divide between Writers™ and people who weren't vs. now when anybody might want to sign up for a fest even if they don't count writing as a primary hobby.

(That said, writing for zines was a good way to get free zines, so it's not like the motivation to participate was ever absent.)

Another possibility is that on AO3 specifically, the oldschool fandom content is people importing one biased slice of their greatest hits from back in the day. Meanwhile, the recent fandoms are what much larger groups of people have organically posted.

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lavendertales · 2 years

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Kinda like it—Javier Peña x f!reader

Chapter 2 of the Unholy series

summary: Javier tries to persuade you to leave in order to maintain the peace, but you vehemently refuse, deciding instead to step up in the Escobar case.

word count: 2.6k

gif: @katronautt

series masterlist | AO3

Over the next week, Javier had to sit idly by and watch you get acquainted with the rest of the team, exchange smiles, pleasantries and stories about your training and motivations behind your DEA career. Each additional word that rolls down your sharp tongue does nothing more but annoy him further.

How the hell can everyone be so blinded by your apparent charm that they don’t see how troublesome you can be?

He gets the allure, though. He’s not that narrow-minded. You’re intelligent, cunning, creative and awfully entertaining, but beneath all that, Javier knows there lie other traits. Traits that your rivalry always brought out of you, and respectively him. Maybe that’s why the others don’t see it. There’s no race between them and you, no reason to bicker and argue and strive to be better than them.

He remembers college very well. Or rather, he remembers how college was a huge race between you and him, speeding against each other to see which one of you would turn up better.

It seems that 13 years later, it’s still a tie.

So far, Javier did everything in his power to avoid you as much as he can. And when he couldn’t help it, he made sure to spew some sarcastic comment at you so you’d know you were still on his territory. You only laughed in return, going about your day.

You made Javier irrationally angry when you did that.

To the untrained eye, it could be stated that Javier was craving your attention, but the truth was far from that. He couldn’t care less; all he wanted was for you to recognize that he’s the one in charge here.

“Swear to God! I couldn’t believe my eyes till he was right there in front of me!”

He hears you laugh wholeheartedly. Then, he sees you at the table in the break room, sharing a cup of coffee with Steve. Anger travels fast through him, mind racing with too many thoughts at once to be stopped. He enters the break room to pour himself some coffee, not making eye contact with either of you.

“College will do that to you, I guess,” Steve laughs as well.

“Spilling venom so early in the morning?”

Javier’s voice reaches you and Steve and you both turn to look at him, you stifle a chuckle, concealing how much you’re into seeing his old teenage persona begging for attention.

“It’s 7:30. The day doesn’t officially start till eight, so I have plenty of time,” you reply.

“Relax, she was just telling a fun story,” Steve adds.

“From college, yeah, I got that.”

“If you’re worried that I’ll spill some unknown facts about you back in the day, don’t be. I plan to spend my time wisely, and talking about you isn’t included.”

Steve leans in, though his whisper isn’t smooth at all. “But you could say what Javi was like back then, right?”

You smirk at him, then wink. “Oh, the things I can tell you.”

Javier reaches a breaking point. The more he processes your words, soaks up your presence there, in Bogota, the more he feels like he’s going to explode.

“Murphy, can you leave us?” he asks.

Intrigued, Steve nods, taking his cup of coffee and leaving you two the break room all to yourselves, in spite of his adamant curiosity.

“Ooh, all alone in the break room with Javier Peña?” you say slyly. “The girls from our class would be trembling with envy.”

Javier tries to compose himself, organize his thoughts in a certain way. Though looking at you, it is no easy task. You raise his pulse, make his blood boil, everything that he wishes not to feel.

“Cut it out, you know they didn’t give a shit about me back then,” he replies.

You shrug, observing him carefully.

“But seriously, cut it out.”

“Talking to colleagues?”

“Don’t play coy with me. You know what I’m talking about.”

At this point, you cross your arms, and stare at him with utmost interest.

“I don’t need you sitting here, telling stupid stories from our stupid college days,” Javier continues. “We’re here to work, to catch the most prolific drug dealer in the world, not gossip over coffee.”

“Well yes, sir. What else am I supposed to do?”

The subtle sarcasm in your tone is driving him mad with rage.

“Ideally you wouldn’t even be here in the first place, but since I can’t get a word in, I guess you’ll have to do.”

That’s when you start to feel that all-too-familiar rage bubbling inside of you. It goes farther than just competition: it’s everything that brings out the worst in you.

“’I’ll have to do’?” you smile devilishly. “What am I, a piece of furniture?”

“No. You’re a thorn in my back.”

“I got bad news for you, Peña. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Alright, what are you trying to pull here?”

“I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me? Sounds like you’re full of ideas on this fine morning.”

You cross your legs and stare at him, waiting for his reply. Knowing him, you’re willing to bet it won’t be short of bombshells.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Javier nearly growls. “After college, we were supposed to go our separate ways and never see each other again. That was the extent of it. Your know-it-all attitude won’t help you here. This isn’t academia, this is real life, where people get killed and they risk their lives on the daily basis. It would help if you wouldn’t be here when we try to get our hands on Pablo Escobar.”

You scoff, a wicked smile residing on your face. You were absolutely right; this was as surprising as you would’ve thought, if not more.

“Are you saying I’m a distraction for you, Peña?”

He grits his teeth, trying to find another way to get his point across.

“I’m saying you could be a liability to the case,” he answers.

“So you expect me to pack my things and head back to America.”

“Would be ideal, yes.”

It’s only then that you stand up, slightly more angered than before. It’s just something about the way he looks at you, like he’s ready to jump at your throat and choke the life out of you, like it’s the world’s slowest, deadliest and weirdest foreplay ever.

“Let me get this straight,” you start, “are you seriously this insecure to think that I traveled across the globe to track you down, infiltrate your workplace to tell stupid stories about your stupid ass back in college and steal your thunder?”

He doesn’t respond. He simply fails to do so, and it kills him on the inside because he knows you’re perfectly aware of why that is.

“My transfer here has nothing to do with you,” you clarify. “I couldn’t care any less about you, Peña, and I would sure as hell not be jealous of a man whore.”

“You sure sound like it.”

A loud chuckle escapes from your mouth, filled with sarcasm. “Jealous? You don’t even exist to me, baby.”

Javier gulps. Much to his own surprise, he gulps. Your words are no intimidation technique, nor do they serve as punishment, yet Javier still feels taken aback for some odd reason.

“No way in hell I’m leaving without making an actual contribution to this case. And watching you be so displeased over my presence here is just a bonus. Hell, not even catching Escobar with my own hands would feel as satisfying as watching you crumble.”

Javier chuckles mockingly. “You won’t get to see that, princess.”

“I don’t know, it seems that having me around brings that ugly side out of you.”

“And you think I don’t bring it out of you? Don’t be delusional, it’s not a good look on you.”

“What is a good look on me, then?”

He gulps. Again. He feels like he’s losing this particular battle and boy, does he hate this. He’s pretty sure you notice it too, yet he finds it surprising that you don’t think to mention this. Certainly you’re not this kind when it comes to the rivalry between you two.

“We’re grown adults,” you say as a closing pledge. “In college, we fought to prove who the best student was. Sadly, it was a tie. I won’t be fighting with you to see who the best agent is.”

Javier makes a face, and you catch it just in time for your nerves to stretch to the limit. You reckon he’s on the verge of declaring this a war between you.

“Is it because you don’t wanna lose?” he seemingly challenges you.

You smirk, shaking your head in denial.

“I don’t have anything to prove to you,” you instantly retort. “I know I am better than you. Even Murphy knows, and I’ve only been here a week. Imagine what I can do in a year.”

“Fine. Name the terms.”

“I won’t humiliate you by saying ‘first one who catches Escobar will be the best’ because that’s ridiculous. But I will say, first one to find a way to get close to him will be the best.”

Javier weighs your words carefully, searching for a catch or a hidden meaning. Once he determines that there’s nothing to hold him back, he nods once, thus agreeing.

“You’re going down. Just like you did back then,” he smiles.

“You won’t see me on my knees before you, Peña. You wish.”

You grab your cup of coffee and head out, failing to remark how outraged Javier looks behind you.

“Not enough money in the world!” he groans.

Cause who would want that imagery infiltrating their brain?

Definitely not him.

“First order of business, updates. What do we know?”

Noonan’s eager voice surprises the team, but Carrillo is the only one who doesn’t let it show. He stands up from the table and goes to the front of the conference room, exuding nothing but confidence and determination. All eyes are on him, even Javier’s.

He’s found it harder to concentrate now that you’ve officially been integrated in the DEA department and in their little team, simply because he’s stiffer than usual. He’s gone back in competition mode, whereby his every move is controlled, careful and precise. He knows, deep down, he’s got nothing to prove to you, but now that the unofficial bet has been placed between you and him, there is no going back.

“Escobar has eyes and ears all over Colombia,” Carrillo says. “He has men infiltrated in the police, Special Forces, and civilians as well. He’s really ramping up his business.”

“So he’s bribing people to be on his side,” Noonan concludes.

“Unfortunately, yes. It’s getting more difficult to find a trustworthy organ of the law.”

“Have we managed to identify anyone from his inner circle?”

You raise your hand and immediately speak when Noonan looks at you.

“Yes, ma’am. Three of them.”

Kiss ass.

While Javier refrains himself from rolling his eyes in front of his superiors, he does so in his head. Though what he cannot disguise is his astonishment at your revelation.

Carrillo does a hand gesture to have you join him to the front, and you place a few pictures on the whiteboard, writing names underneath.

“Blackie, Quica and Limón. They’re essentially his most trusted men. Armed, ruthless, and devoted to Escobar like you wouldn’t even know,” you say.

“Well done,” Noonan smiles at you. “Finally some good intel! Been here only a week and you’ve made more progress than any of us in weeks. Excellent job, agent.”

You nod as appreciation, and Javier looks away. His heart is racing though, and it’s fear that makes it run so wildly inside his rib cage. How the hell did you manage to acquire that information in such a short period of time? Were you really that good? Had he done the grave mistake of underestimating you yet again?

“Which one of them do you think it would be easier to get our hands on?” Colonel Wysession interrupts.

“Honestly, I believe Limón is our safest bet. The other two are simply ruthless when it comes to carrying out orders from Escobar, but so far, Limón has been the tamest,” you reply confidently.

“Do we have a last known location of him?” Noonan asks.

“Yes.”

You write it on the board, right beneath his name, and Javier finds himself staring. He’s not sure at what, exactly. Could be your neat handwriting, the swift precision with which you’re sharing information, or just your work ethic. He hasn’t seen you outside of class halls, truth be told. He doesn’t know this side of you, professional and devoted to your work. Curiosity strikes him, a vague interest that hasn’t been awaken inside of him in years.

“Then we send out a team there to keep an eye out,” Carrillo concludes.

“Good. If he shows up within the next twenty four hours, arrest him,” Noonan adds.

“Alive, preferably,” Colonel Wysession reminds Carrillo, who nods.

“Great work today, everyone. Be safe out there.”

Javier doesn’t feel like he’s part of those congratulatory words though. He feels left out, useless. All he did was sit in that chair and listen. Which isn’t bad, per se, but he’s not used to being sidelined like this, and certainly not by you.

Okay, maybe there is jealousy roaring in his chest, but not the type one might usually think of.

No, this is professional jealousy, a thirst for affirmation that hasn’t been quenched since his college days.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Steve pulls him aside after the meeting.

“I’m sure you can.”

Steve looks around, ensuring no one else was in their earshot. “What’s up with you two?” he points subtly with his head towards you as you’re conversing with Trujillo.

“We were in college together, that’s the extent of it. Rivals, all that.”

“Yeah but what’s with the staring?”

Javier frowns.

“Dude, come on,” Steve continues, flabbergasted at his partner’s inability to recognize his own behavior. “Throughout the whole meeting you were staring at her.”

“The hell I was. I was just surprised she had this much information already.”

“She is a damn good agent.”

“Please. She’s doing this to annoy me.”

“Yeah, annoying you is definitely far more important than putting an end to Escobar’s reign of terror over Colombia.”

“I’m not sure if I like this side of you.”

Steve chuckles, patting him on the back. “Did it ever occur to you that she’s no longer that student you once knew? That she’s grown up?”

“Trust me, she’s the same mean, sarcastic and competitive college girl. If not more.”

“Is this what you’re gonna do now? Turn the hunt for Escobar into some silly rivalry?”

“Arguably so.”

Steve huffs. “Wouldn’t this mean giving her exactly what she wants?”

Javier stops, pondering over that idea. Indeed, it would seem he had just agreed with you, for what appears to be the first time ever, and given you what you wanted: he surrendered to you and your desire for a good ol’ challenge.

But he can’t turn his back on it now; that would also give you what you want, and that is his acceptance of defeat. Hell no.

“My priority is still Escobar,” Javier reassures his partner. “Her presence here isn’t changing anything. Trust me, the way we work, this will be good for our manhunt.”

“If you say so.”

Steve doesn’t seem convinced, but Javier doesn’t bother telling him otherwise. He knows himself better than anyone, and he knows how he is around you. He knows the impact you have on him, how you unconsciously make him want to fight more, overcome his limitations. In a way, he supposes you’re one of his greatest motivations to be better and move forwards.

You can never know that, of course.

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#Javier Peña #Javier Peña x reader #Javier Peña x you #Javier Peña fanfiction #Javier Peña fic #javier pena #javier pena x reader #javier pena x you #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena fic #narcos fanfiction #narcos fic #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fic #unholy series

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mountedeverest · 9 days

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ASK GAME - MULTIPLE 911 WIPS

Hey guys !

So I've recently started having loads of free time, and I'm working on multiple 911 fics. I've been seeing a lot of people posting fic games here, I guess since it gives motivation to write, and so I was wondering if anyone would be interested in partaking?

So, here goes, drop an emoji in my ask and I'll post an unreleased short snippet OR write something new for the corresponding work in the list below!

BuckTommy

🌟 Maybe you do know me (M, on AO3)

🚁 Helicopter at Madney wedding (might integrate in above fic, extension of a drabble I posted here not too long ago)

Buddie

🥾 Steps (Currently M, will move to E, series of steps in Buck and Eddie's growing relationship, feelings realization, fluff)

🪽 Sin Miedo (del Amor y Otros Demonios) (E, album fic based on the album of the same name by Kali Uchis, you can even request a song!)

🩼 Injured/convalescing Eddie (M, whump+fluff, friends to lovers)

🕺 Canon Dancer Eddie (E, humor, catholic guilt)

🥵 Accidental boner (E, crackfic, feelings rewalization, humor, fluff)

🔫 Street gang/hustler AU (E, violence+drug use)

💗 Bi Buck Realization (Buck/OC, eventual buddie, I wrote this before s7 lol)

You can also drop a 💌 with a prompt of your choice in my ask and I'll write a lil sumthn ;)

No pressure tags : @tizniz

#fanfiction #bucktommy #evan buckley #buddie #911 abc #tommy kinard #buck x tommy #buck x eddie #eddie diaz #911 fanfic #ask game

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crackinthecup · 7 days

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

@gardensofthemoon thank you so much for the tag! It was super interesting reading your responses :D <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 51

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 465,678

3. What fandoms do you write for? Bold to assume I write at all I've always mainly just written for the Silm BUT I have recently become obsessed with The Locked Tomb series so miiiiiiight do some writing in that universe. At some point. Maybe.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Yield to the Moment takes the cake here, which is not surprising given that it's a 300k Angbang modern AU slowburn beast of a fic.

Then we've got Strange New World, set in my Swords 'verse, which takes a look at Melkor and Mairon post-Dagor Dagorath through a mental health-y and relationship/character study lens.

Third up is A bond once called fealty, also in the Swords 'verse.

Then there's The Metal Cage, which is shameless Angbang PWP focused on chastity play.

And finally A quiet sort of introspection, also part of the Swords 'verse, a bit experimental in the sense of taking Melkor's POV in second person.

5. Do you respond to comments? Always! I feel it's only fair if someone's taken the time to share their thoughts with me. Plus it's often such a fun, creative space where you get to bounce around ideas with the commenter.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Not entirely sure, actually. Don't think I tend to write particularly angsty endings. No Other Choice, maybe? It's about the Fëanorian attack on the Havens and the choice Elwing makes when she jumps into the sea.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably YTTM. I'm pretty pleased with the ending actually; feels like it pulls together a bunch of narrative threads and highlights all the amazing growth the characters have done. Also, it's a wedding at the end of a very long, very bumpy slowburn.

8. Do you get hate on fics? I have, yeah, years and years ago, around an abusive take on Angbang; but generally I find that the Silm fandom is very lovely and very welcoming.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I do! Quite a lot of it haha. I think, for me, the appeal isn't so much the physical act in and of itself, but what's going on for the characters behind the scenes as it were, emotionally/psychologically. Especially with a ship like Angbang where they spectacularly fail at talking to each other so a lot of juicy unspoken stuff gets acted out through physical intimacy.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Nope, never written a crossover, nor do they hold much appeal for me personally.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? I have. Sadly those fics had been written around 2015-16 and I deleted them a few years back at a time when my mental health was... spicy. I couldn't say whether the translations are still out there somewhere.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yep! YTTM started out as a co-write.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Angbang. There's just a lot of layers to their dynamic that scratch an itch in my brain. Power imbalance. Fucked-up-ness. Possessiveness/protectiveness. Worship. Loyalty.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I've got a WIP from almost ten years ago about Celebrimbor in Gondolin and I'm not sure if the interest/time/motivation is still there for me to ever pick it up again :')

16. What are your writing strengths? Hmm I tend to put a fair amount of thought into characters' emotional experiences and I also enjoy playing around with fun ways to describe things.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I guess there's a flipside to focusing on emotional experiences in that sometimes I might humanise characters like the Ainur too much and lose some of their eldritchness. I also tend to be quite disorganised with my plotting, and by disorganised I mean that I just sit down and start writing without a plan or outline and sometimes I can end up scrambling to tie everything together and make it make sense and I'm not sure how effective that is. Also also, I don't find endings very easy to come up with.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Sure, if done purposefully in a way that furthers the plot or tells me something about the characters.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Harry Potter, I think! Those fics are not on the internet anymore and that is probably for the best haha.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? Ohhh see, I don't actually like my own writing very much (cheers, perfectionism) and I very very rarely re-read it. But I do think some bits in YTTM are fun, and my latest ficcy that I've written (Reason to Try) which is a ficcy of @tarmairons' ficcy kinda shifted something in my brain for the better and I revisit it sometimes on bad mental health days.

Let's see which lovely people to tag: @markedasinfernal, @elevenelvenswords, @undercat-overdog, @lvsifer, @foxindarkness and anyone else who sees this and would like to have a go (if you want to! zero pressure)

#meme things #thank you again for the tag!#this was fun :3

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hyperfixatedbastard · 2 months

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Hi, I'm Elliott (they/he) and I write shit sometimes! I'm a trans guy in college that's trying to get back into writing. I'm also super neurodivergent (Autistic/ADHD/prob other things idk), so I like writing fics that are inclusive to queer and neurodiverse folks :)

Please send in prompts or requests! Fair warning that I am a full-time college student that struggles a lot with procrastination and motivation. Thank you for all the love and support! <3

NOTE: NEW WORKS/PROMPT FILLS WILL BE TAKING A LITTLE LONGER!! I'm a full-time college student that's currently going through a very short-notice move, so writing is not one of my top priorities at the moment. I will do my best to get new stuff out, but fair warning that they will take longer and might not be as long as my previous works. Thank you for understanding!

Below are links to my Masterlist, details for Prompt Requests, a form for being put on a Taglist for my writing posts, and my AO3! Please read the rest of this post for rules and info about my blog. I'd appreciate it!

Masterlist

Prompt Requests

Taglist Form

My AO3

I might write NSFW in the future! Minors are allowed to interact with my regular SFW content, but NOT the NSFW. While I can't stop any of you from doing it anyways, this is a personal boundary. I don't want to get in trouble because people don't have common sense or self control. If I see that you interacted with one of my NSFW posts, I will check for an age in your bio. If your age is below 18 or is not listed at all, then I'll block you. (I won't check ages for everyone that follows me, only those that interact with the NSFW If you don't feel comfy putting your age in your bio, either don't interact with those posts or DM me, I guess. I just want to be cautious!)

As for proshippers, I honestly just don't want to deal with that whole can of worms, so as long as none of you ask me to write proship content or anything like that, you're fine ig. I just don't want to go through the effort of actively blocking people and checking accounts for that kinda stuff.

I DO NOT SUPPORT VIVZIEPOP. I like writing with characters she's made and I enjoy consuming content of Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, but I do my best to avoid monetarily supporting either series. I don't expect all of you to do the same; I just wanted to make that clear.

Also, FREE PALESTINE. If you support Israel, get the fuck off my blog and reevaluate your worldview.

The headers are created by me, but the dividers used in my posts are made by @saradika-graphics!

Credit for my profile picture goes to pepperjackets' picrew here!

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bearhugsandshrugs · 21 hours

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Bearhugsandshrugs Update – April '24: Discord, beta reader match ups, WIPs, book writing!

Hey all, it's been a while since I shared an update!

TL;DR: Updates on fics, community things, and my life!

Last time I told you about the book proposal I wrote for my agent, and I managed to complete that and submit it! Even better news was that she liked it. So I will refine parts of the story I wrote to incorporate her feedback, and then in a month or so it'll go out to publishing houses in the hopes that someone buys it! Keep your fingers crossed for me so your girl gets published :)

Admin: Discord Server, Community, Pinned Post

In case you missed it: I launched a discord server where we hangout to talk about Gort and writing. Last week we finished the first writing buddy match up, where I paired six writers with a buddy so they can beta each other's fics. It made me super happy that the community came together in that way!

There will also be a super cool event coming soon that @littleplasticrat came up with, I'll share more on that next week when I have more headspace to give this the hype post it deserves. Just teasing a bit: it does involve Gorty and fashion :3

I also published a new lore & theory masterlist for BG3 and I'm working on compiling the drabbles and headcanon lists, too.

WIPs

In March I already told you that I was moving all WIPs to May, maybe even June. Since I'll be traveling in May, I might or might not have time to work on the WIPs.

Worthy Chapter 3: Structure is drafted. ETA hopefully in May

Folie Chapter 7: I scrapped the entire structure. While I'm motivated to write Raph and Haarlep again, I'm not particularly fond of my original idea so I have to redo the last chapter, ETA probably June

Durgetash series (concept linked) and Raphael series (concept linked): on hold for now. Neither of them grabbed my attention long enough for me to do more with it.

There's one fic/art trade I'm going to write for @tatterings and it's likely either going to be Astarion or monster fucking. So keep an eye out for that.

Series

Both MAD and Gorsimp are continuing! I'm sketching out Act 3 for MAD which we're about to enter. Due to life stuff I changed to posting schedule to every two weeks for MAD, while Gorsimp continues to update 1-2x a week (mostly thanks to @bloodlessbhaalbabe's incredible discipline on keeping us on a schedule).

And in more MAD news, I made a playlist for that fic! Give it a listen if you want to cry.

Other stuff

I'm slowly coming back online after a few really bad months of physical and emotional health turmoil. I'm okay for now and I've been taking care of myself, creating some distance from the fandom to protect my peace of mind, and I'll probably continue to take it slow for a while.

Last time I said I'd do another giveaway when I hit 1k followers. Since I've barely been on I haven't made much progress – it's about 50 followers or so away, but this blog isn't really growing right now. Guess I'm getting a much needed break from taking on too many WIPs :D anyway, I just wanted to say it's still on my mind, but I don't particularly feel the need to promote it because it'll happen when it happens.

Something cool to celebrate in the meantime: Folie à Deux hit over 1,000 kudos on AO3! Crazy to me!!! Thank you all so much. I can't believe that many people pressed the kudos button on my unhinged monster fucking fantasies <3 And to give you a peak behind the curtain here are the non-public stats for that fic:

Last but not least: If you do want to show me some love consider tipping me on Ko-fi? I promise for every coffee you buy me I'll share a pic of that beverage on here or the discord!

Hope you all take care of yourselves!

– Em

#bearhugsandshrugs #pinned #bearhugsandshrugs update #m.a.d.#gorsimp #my writing #worthy #folie a deux #fic writing #bg3 fic

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letstalkwhump · 11 months

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Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump, a series of interviews that spotlight the amazing people in our whump community! I’m Malice and I’ll be your host today.

Here today to talk all things whumpy is the brilliant @whumpcereal!

It’s great to have you here! Let’s start with a fact or two about yourself like your favorite color or favorite animal?

My name is Kay, and I’m a high school teacher in my 30’s. Besides whumping unsuspecting gentlemen, my hobbies include reading a lot, belting out showtunes, cooking for people I love, hitting up new bars and restaurants with friends, and traveling. And since you asked–and as a teacher, I hate unanswered questions–I’ve recently realized that orange might be my favorite color, and I love gorillas.

What does whump mean to you?

It’s the sort of pressing-on-a-bruise feeling that is wrapped up in watching someone suffer and then be comforted. It’s the need for vulnerability and human connection. It’s watching Prince Philip get chained to a wall and not understanding why you find it so magnetic, but you do, haha!

How did you find the whump community? What made you want to join?

I was writing for the Newsies fandom (I know) during the pandemic, and one of my favorite authors tagged her epic work with “whump.” I clicked the tag on tumblr, and I found @lonesome--hunter’s Ezra almost immediately; I fell down the rabbit hole and never came out. After Ezra, I spent a good long time with @ashintheairlikesnow’s Danny and then @galaxywhump’s Wren. I realized that a lot of what I was putting in my own writing could be classified as “whump,” but I wasn’t sure how to join in the fun. I lurked for a while and then beta-ed for @darkthingshappen before I got brave enough to post my own stuff. But part of what motivated me to start posting was just how supportive and welcoming the whole community is. On AO3, you can get tons of hits but almost no real engagement; with whump, that’s totally different. It makes my little dopamine receptors ping.

The whump community is amazingly supportive! Do you think your view on or the way you consume whump changed since you joined?

I am definitely a hurt/comfort gal. I can’t do the hurt without the comfort, and I need my whump to be strongly oriented in the characters’ feelings, whether we’re talking whumpers or whumpees. I struggle when a character is just getting the shit kicked out of them endlessly; I want them to have some relief, even if the relief is bittersweet or painful in its own way. I also find it easier to whump an OC than I do a fandom character, just because if they’re mine, I can build the kind of backstory that makes the whump reasonable.

And your favourite whump trope?

I do like noncon. Whump is a genre where I’ve really been able to explore scary things that have happened to me, and when a whumpee has an honest (and not needlessly gratuitous) nonconsensual experience, I gravitate toward it, especially if they’re allowed to explore the aftermath and how it makes them feel. I also love a mute whumpee–probably because I watched The Little Mermaid too many times growing up. Something about the helplessness of being trapped in your own body and at the mercy of others–hey, whumperflies! Captivity whump too, especially anything in the BBU. The BBU was one of my favorite discoveries when I found the community. It provides such rich opportunities!

Captivity whump is so good! Would you mind sharing a favourite piece you've written? (the following pieces may contain non-explicit nsfw references)

Ooooh. Well, I guess I’ll choose one from each of my series. For Jack, my first and forever whumpee in Behavior Modification, and his caretaker, my wish-fulfillment fake husband, Joe, it’s this piece with their little girl. It’s something that I wrote in basically a single stretch one afternoon last summer, and I’m proud of it because it shows both how far Jack has come in his recovery and how much everything he’s gone through is still affecting him. It also shows how fierce of a protector Joe is, even though Jack’s got strength of his own. Plus, Hallie, their little girl, was super fun to create. She’s a feisty little thing, and I liked the idea of looking at such a dark, violent system through a child’s eyes.

For The Kennel, it’s this piece which immediately follows my boy Will after his best friend Tommy is forced to assault him. It’s got the aftermath of noncon, plus it includes a lot of world building for my scary whumper, Doc, and his particular set-up. It really sets up the horror of the situation in which Will and Tommy have found themselves and also emphasizes the stories of other whumpees whose stories I’d love to explore (Justin and Tony, I’m looking at you). Plus, it gives Annie–who’s technically the caretaker in this story, even though she’s been abused herself–a chance to think about how she’s been raised and the way her father treats people. My favorite moment is when Will just breaks down completely, because we haven’t seen him do that yet. It’s a human moment, and he’s feeling so much less than human that it’s almost cathartic.

And then, honorable mention to this piece where I crossover my two stories and let Jack help Will as his post-rescue counselor. I had so much fun with that reveal!

Oh wow, I love the Kennel piece! You’ve broken my heart with Justin and Will! Would you like to share your writing routine with us?

I’ve actually been riding a bit of a block lately, but typically, I am an evening writer. No drinks or snacks, but usually movie scores that match the mood of what I’m writing. On good nights, it’s big blocks; on others, it’s just a sentence here and there (that’s been where I’m at lately). I try to write a little every day, but again, it’s been rough lately. Being a teacher at the end of the year is just as hard as being a student, haha.

I can only imagine! Are some things easier for you to write? Anything you struggle with writing?

I have an easier time writing recovery than I do straight whump, which is sometimes a bummer, because the whump community doesn’t seem to like recovery quite as much. So, I’ll pour myself into a recovery piece I have big feelings about, and then it won’t get quite as much traffic and engagement as when I’m roughing up the boys. I am very careful about how I write noncon. I think I do a decent job, but I try to approach it from a place of sensitivity to the person who is suffering versus engaging through violence alone. That can take a lot of time and thought and big feelings.

And is there anything you're working on at the moment?

I do have a fantasy crossover miniseries with Jack, Joe, and Ivan and @oddsconverts’ Josh and Felix that I’ve had a really fun time working on. I need to write a little intro before I post it. I need to go back to Jack and his intimacy consultations at WRU, and AU AU Joe and his reaction to the Drip. Poor Will and Tommy are in desperate need of attention; I need to get Will sold away so all the drama can increase. Maybe during summer vacation?

Do you have a joke or pun you would like to share to spread some smiles today? I am only funny on accident. Just ask my students. ;-)

Do you have any writing advice you’d like to share?

I’m great at giving advice to others, but absolute shit at following that advice myself. For instance, write for you. Don’t write for hits, likes, reblogs, etc. Just write what you want to read. Write as often as you can. During the pandemic, what got me back into writing after years of thinking about it was trying to write a little every day. Find you some writing friends who will get excited with you when there’s something you can’t wait to write about.

Finally, would you like to give a mention to some of the amazing people in the whump community?

I already mentioned some of my favorites, but shout outs to @hold-him-down (whom I was lucky enough to eat very expensive risotto with this spring and whose Leo is one of my very favorite whumpees), @peachy-panic (58 Days is one of my VERY favorites), @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump (whose Wyatt has my whole heart), and @squishablesunbeam (I mean, Jesse? Come on!). My first friends in the whump community were @darkthingshappen (creator of my Benny baby), @oddsconvert (whose series are all so beautifully written that I can’t choose a favorite–she even made me like vampire whump–and who is my wonder twin forever), and @sparrowsage (go check out his new stuff!).

Thank you so much for joining us, @whumpcereal ! It was a pleasure to have you here!

And to all you lovely folks at home, have a whump-derful day!

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lurkinglurkerwholurks · 4 months

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do you have any advice for writing long fics/series??? I have so many I've been wanting to write but the last times I've tried I always lost motivation, so now I'm scared to try 😭

Ohhh, been there. Okay, so I've done it two different ways, and odds are high that you've only tried one, so maybe whichever you haven't done before, do the other?

Method 1: Write it all, then post one chapter at a time only once complete. That's how I wrote my early multi-chapter series. I was so worried I'd get bored or stuck and bail before I did what I wanted to do, I made sure all of my chapters were written before I posted anything. If you're addicted to the serotonin of feedback, that's fine, find a writing buddy who will read your WIP so you're still getting some of that spark along the way, but don't put up anything public until you're all done and ready to rock and roll.

Side note: This is also a pretty good way to build a bit of a following on AO3. If you promise people up front that everything IS done and written and it WILL finish and you give them a regular posting schedule—a chapter every Tuesday or whatever—they'll subscribe and happily follow along because there's no risk. Short of you getting hit by a bus or something, I guess.

Method 2: If, however, you've tried the above and that's where you're getting stuck, do the opposite. Maybe sketch out some rough notes to yourself on where you want to end up with the fic, just so you know you're heading in the right direction, but then let go of the need for control a little and post as you go along. That's what I had to do for my two biggest fics because they took literal years. Actual literal years, plural. The fear of leaving things dangling might be more motivating than you realize.

Some things to remember:

It's okay to start small. Like, it's tempting to dive right into a mega-sprawling epic of a fic with 100 chapters or whatever, but it's also okay to... not... do that. Try a fic with a few chapters instead. Build that muscle. Get used to writing beyond oneshots. Pre-built structures like 5+1 might help you build that muscle as well.

Sometimes you just gotta... do it. Like, that sucks, I know, it would be nice if there were an easy trick, believe me. Like, the fic I am procrastinating on is not a long one, but it's kicking my butt and it's so frustrating. But I'm getting it done a literal line at a time—for every ask I answer, I make myself hop over into my doc and write another line. Some nights I'm literally messaging Audrey like "I just want to get one sentence done before bed." And I stack one sentence after another until it's done.

It's okay to procrastinate a little. Emphasis on little. It sounds like you get stuck, procrastinate some, then don't stop procrastinating, but it's okay to give yourself a little break. My two biggest fics spawned so many other fics because I would hop from the chapter I would be working on to my distraction fic... until I needed to be distracted from that fic and then my chapter was the distraction!

It's also okay to combine the above methods. For Nature and Nurture, my first big fic, I used Method 2 allllll the way up to, like, the last three chapters or so. I was so scared of fumbling it all at the end that I switched to Method 1 for the last chunk, made myself write it ALL, and didn't post anything else until it was all written.

You can do it!!

#I need a general ask tag #fanfic writer problems #writing advice

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murphy-kitt · 9 months

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Yoooo! Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💚

Thank you to @darthfrodophantom for also tagging me in another post! :)

I have 69 (nice) works on AO3 so there was quite a lot to go through.

1. red in tooth and claw (that’s your fatal flaw)

Summary: Everyone finds out Wes was right in the worst way possible.

Reason: This was the first fic I wrote in phicphight ‘22, my first year of participating for the event. I remember loving writing this in the moment and beginning to flesh out Wes’ character in my style. It was the first time he had a main POV in my fics. It definitely took me out my comfort zone as I had to take Wes, someone who wants his discoveries to be known, and reduce him to this subdued bystander facing the realisation that although he did want to reveal Danny, he never thought it through or considered the impacts.

2. lie like a tombstone (yet secrets will bloom)

Summary: Valerie finds a body in the park thanks to some ghostly flowers, and she never would’ve guessed that it belonged to Phantom. Only, the context around his death sounds.. concerning. Because he died alone. And no one ever reported him missing. But that just barely scratches the surface of Phantom’s secrets.

Reason: This fic is so self indulgent it’s actually ridiculous. 35k+ (and ongoing) words of a corpse au and no one knows au mashup with me trying to keep the mystery up as long as possible. I’ve been working on it for two years now, it’s seen me through college, and who knows how long forever more. I appreciate this fic a lot, because it’s a massive motivator for me to keep writing and reminds me that I am capable of longfics outside of one-shots. The Val and Wes team up was unexpected when it began but honestly one of my fav combinations of characters to write. Of course it’s also a big favourite because it’s a corpse au ❤️🤌.

3. Mask

Summary: Danny never really took a minute to consider what he looked like in Phantom form. He didn’t need to, not really. It wasn’t as if he was scared of what was under the mask. No, not at all.

Reason: another self indulgent fic. It was Ectober 2021 and I saw this prompt and went “yup it’s danno has a HAZMAT hood time”. I loved writing the reveal scene in this the most, when the Fentons and Val realise that Phantom is just this kid with no evil intent (best genre of fics imo). Also the opportunity for a sequel is prevalent—although I’m unsure if I’ll go ahead with that. I put a lot of work trying to get the build up and reveal done smoothly.

4. Forest Fires

Summary: 1967. Nine-year-old Madeleine Walker watched her older brother Daniel Walker die in a lab accident. Years on, she’s certain that Danny Phantom is the ghost of her dead brother. But she’ll never know now, having thrown away the opportunity in a fleeting moment of anger. Meanwhile, a confused Danny sets out to uncover what happened to the uncle he didn’t even know existed. Only the truth is much more than just a simple lab accident.

Reason: although only one chapter and two prequel one-shots at the minute, this AU/series is something I’m very proud of. I’ve planned a lot out for it and I can’t wait to get all the mysteries set and unravelling. Maddie’s portrayal of character I feel satisfied with considering the turmoil over her brother and having to deal with Danny’s changing behaviour. Excited to get this one going again. Also love it because I get to include my OCs 😁.

5. beyond false pretences (we search in plain sight)

Summary: Danny Fenton disappeared without a trace. Soon after, his family followed. Five years on, Sam Manson is determined to figure out why.

Reason: This was my third phicphight fic in 2022 (I seemed to have really liked my fics that event 😆) and I saw the prompt and ran with it. I particularly love writing mystery and suspense so this was very fun to do. Unfortunately it’s not finished but I like what I’ve done so far. I loved putting the easter-eggs within the fic and seeing if readers could spot them. And it was great fun to see people theorising on what they thought had happened to Danny.

I’m going to tag: @jadenoryuu @kawaiijohn @dp-marvel94 @jackdaw-sprite @cleanlenins

#danny phantom #tag games #corpse au #no one knows au #danny fenton #fic rec

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mwolf0epsilon · 6 months

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The Umbaran Pathogen - Day 31: PTSD/Crying

Summary: The war is coming to an end, and the vode's lives are ready to truly begin. It's not going to be easy for some of them to climb back out of rock bottom, however. Still, better to have hope than to give in to despair.

Warning: Mentions of a violent death via shotgun to the face (Palpatine never saw it coming) & a brief mention of an attempted suicide (I'm sure you can guess who tried).

Twitch belongs to @gaeasun

Here's what Tup and Dogma currently look like!

Prev / END

[In which the events on Umbara are worsened by an unknown pathogen taking hold of both the 501st and 212th. These series of drabbles will follow a non-linear timeline based on the AI-less Whumptober prompt list for 2023.]

THIS STORY IS ALSO ON AO3

---

"Hardcase, be more careful!"

"I AM being careful!"

A lot had changed in a month, but honestly that hadn't really come as much of a surprise. After departing from Umbara, both the troopers of the 501st and 212th had been prepared for things to never quite be the same ever again. Had all anticipating that their surrender, would bring with it both terrible consequences and many alterations in the order of things.

That said, they hadn't really foreseen something quite like the spectacle that had gone down between the Senate and the Coruscant Guard...

Now, If anyone asked Kix for his humble opinion on the matter (which, much to his chagrin, people rarely did), it honestly felt like what transpired had been something that had been a long time in the making. And, the more he thought about it (the more he really dug through his brain), the less certain aspects of GAR to Guard relations felt like mere happenstance...

Not one singular clone trusted a politician as far as they could throw them. Were fully aware that natborns in positions of power were often wont to abuse said power with reckless abandon, unless they were simply just made different (like senator Organa for example, a man so surrounded by wealth and yet so humble and kind, that it left you scratching your head).

Yet, many a time while on leave, there had been some rather bizarre exchanges between frontline and homefront troopers. Accusations of luxurious pampered lives that boggled the mind. Ideas that came from seemingly nowhere and that caused strife between the GAR soldiers and the Guardsmen.

Transgressions that had caused a rift between vode...

No one had ever really stopped to think about who had started those baseless rumors. No one really felt the need to, because shore leave on Triple Zero was rather finite, and at the end of the day it was better to just party until you didn't have time to party at all. Live a little.

Now that the proverbial rose-tinted glasses had been lifted off their faces however, they were suddenly more than a little aware that it had not been a vod who'd started the dispute between the GAR and Guard. No. The real culprit behind that had been the Sith Lord that Commander Fox had brutally murdered during a Senate Meeting.

Caught the bastard by surprise with a sawed-off shotgun that he'd confiscated during a drug bust. The footage was both shocking and quite glorious to behold, especially considering Palpatine's brain matter had splattered every single prissy senator that had been arguing over this or that at the time. Their pods in range of the gory splash-zone.

Unsurprisingly, Commander Fox had been apprehended and taken to prison. His own men had come to take him away, simply requesting that he give up his weapon and present them with his hands, so that he could be cuffed and leisurely strolled past all the shocked and hysterical natborns with almost smug satisfaction.

The Guard had been in no uproar about the death of the head of state. If anything, they rejoiced over it. Even if they had to keep up appearances and drop their commanding officer in prison, until someone came in to look for a motive for his rather unexpected act of treason.

The piles upon piles of damning evidence, as well as some kind of mystical shift in the Force itself (or whatever), had certainly been enough to more than justify the Marshal Commander's actions. Not enough to get him out of prison immediately, but enough to substantially reduce his sentence by a crap ton of years.

All things considered, 3 months for murdering the Chancellor wasn't too bad. Commander Fox even seemed to snort at the humor of it all. Had graciously accepted his first ever vacation with a gleeful grin.

Things were honestly better now.

With Palpatine revealed as the Sith Lord that had been playing both sides of the war, General Kenobi expressing the absolute importance of strengthening mental health care among the Jedi and troopers, and General Skywalker finally relenting and accepting a trip to the Mind Healers after he and General Kenobi had a heart to heart, the lives of many had definitely improved.

They had a new Chancellor that strongly believed in a more diplomatic approach, rather than prioritizing securing power for himself, so the war was nearly completely wrapped up. Many members of the Senate and CorSec were undergoing sackings and sanctions, after an extensive investigation revealed corruption, abuse and even quite a fair share of illegal endeavors. The GAR and Guard were being permitted a deliciously extensive shore leave so that they might all recuperate properly. And General Ti and the Alpha Class were currently working on moving every single trooper, cadet and tubie off Kamino into various Jedi Corporation locations, after they'd won a very tense legal battle that would ensure the freedom of all vode.

Life was impossibly good.

"Kix, tell him to stop!"

"Hey, don't drag Kix into this!"

"Then stop trying to stride like you're not as wobbly on your legs as a newborn fathier!!!"

Rolling his eyes, the medic smiled fondly as he watched Dogma try to keep up with Hardcase, who'd recently been allowed to move around without the aid of a hoverchair. Provided he used crutches.

Hardcase being Hardcase, had taken to over-swinging to take bigger and faster strides than what he should. His balance still not quite what it used to be, but his confidence remaining virtually untouched by his harrowing experiences. And that caused the mutated sergeant a fair bit of anxiety, considering he was currently taking a few modules to properly help around the medbay (seeing as he spent so much time in there anyway to keep an eye on Tup, they'd decided he'd make a fine reserve medic).

"Casey, stop scaring our kih'vod..." He chastised lightly, doing nothing to really stop his batcher. When Hardcase was full of energy, it was often better to let him get it out of his system, than to try to force him to sit still.

"I'm not trying to! I'm just glad to be able to run around again!" Hardcase whined, giving the medic a mighty pout unbecoming of a decorated soldier. "The hoverchair was nice and all, but my skin felt like I was on fire just having to sit all day..."

"Your skin felt like it was on fire because you're covered head to toe in burn scars." Dogma huffed, rolling his head to the side to show that he was actually rolling his eyes.

He'd begun to use more obvious body language to compensate for some of his physical alterations. A suggestion Twitch had made once it came to light how difficult it had been for him to approach other vode. Especially after what had happened on Umbara.

"Badass burn scars you mean." Hardcase grinned.

"You're smiling right now, but once you have to put on your cream, and start complaining that you're constantly cold, it won't feel nearly as badass..." Dogma grumbled and stamped his foot, his gaster and wings briefly twitching as a result of the sudden movement. "Although, that said, at least the sweaters and loose pants work on you... We still haven't found a material that won't pinch on Echo's cybernetics, and that won't irritate him because of the texture..."

"I still think they should use the same stuff they got for our buggy vode's clothing." Hardcase pointed out, motioning towards Dogma's heavily modified clothes. "Least then the join issues would be sorted."

Another thing that had recently happened had been Echo's discovery and rescue. The details were a little vague, but those who asked were told that a whistleblower had sent some rather incriminating footage of one of the Techno Union's projects. A project pertaining the conversion of a POW into some kind of algorithmic weapon.

To put a long story short, Echo was back. Changed, traumatized and not exactly in one piece. But back. Fives had been nothing if not a wreck of emotions since, and was now helping his twin through a much more steeper hill of recovery while he himself tried to process his own feelings over the matter.

The PTSD that Echo suffered alone, would be a massive challenge to overcome. But it was one he wouldn't be forced to endure on his own.

And Kix was honestly grateful for the medbay to be so full of movement that did not involve recent injuries. Fives, Echo, Hardcase and Dogma's semi-permanent company, gave him something to focus on and work with instead of stewing away in negative thoughts. Especially about things he was nowhere near qualified enough to handle, but that both he and his fellow medics were working around the clock to educate themselves on and further improve treatment plans...

The shrill beep of his comm startled Kix out of his thoughts.

Looking down at his comm unit, he hummed in slight surprise as he read the name of the contact. Twitch was calling him. He wondered what the younger medic needed that he'd call him through comms instead of coming to get him instead.

That was a little unusual.

"Kix here, what's--"

"There's a situation!"

Almost immediately his good humor plummeted. Things had slowed down considerably in terms of medical duties, yes. But that didn't mean they didn't get the occasional incident. And if Twitch was calling him sounding this stressed, then something bad had definitely happened while he'd been accompanying Hardcase and Dogma to the mess hall.

"How bad?" he spared no time with formalities. He had to know what he was going to walk in on.

"It's Tup!" Twitch cried out. "He's woken up! But something's wrong Kix, he went crazy and bolted!"

"Tup?!" Mentally cursing Dogma's improved hearing, Kix barely had the time to rush over to Hardcase to grab a hold of his brother before the mutated sargeant darted off, knocking him slightly off balance.

"Dogma's on his way, I'll be there once I drop 'Case off."

"I'll comm the Captain. He's probably already on his way from visiting Commander Fox." Twitch gulped. "I'll... I'll comm Pitch and Sponge too. To warn them! They're still very skittish around Dogma. Seeing Tup back on his feet without prior warning might freak them out!"

"You do that. Kix out."

Dogma's heart was racing as he tried to track down his wayward brother. Cursing himself in at least three different languages as he sprinted down the hall on all six legs, for having been gone from the medbay as long as he had.

He'd stood vigil by Tup's bedside from the moment he'd been told his brother was in a coma. Watched over him day after day while awaiting patiently for the moment he might finally come out of it. To think Tup had indeed woken up, and that he hadn't been there when he'd needed him most...

It made him feel awful.

And selfish too, since he'd recently been spending time around the other vode. Focusing on bonding with them rather than sitting with his slumbering twin.

He still spent the great majority of his time in the medbay, of course. Was even making himself useful and learning to be a proper medic too! But a part of him had still longed for the companionship that Tup had temporarily been unable to provide him.

After all he hadn't been much for conversation in the past month...

Still, guilt-ridden or not over this slight mishap, Dogma didn't have the time to continuously kick himself over what he could have done better. He had to find Tup before he either hurt himself or scared someone half to death.

To tell the truth, he had no idea where the other might have gone. They were twins, sure, and they did know each other better than the back of their own hands. But that didn't mean they were mind readers. In fact, they were very different from each other and had very different ideas of what was or wasn't a fun time, and which places were the best for them to hide in when they were overwhelmed.

But, even if they didn't spend a day or two together, they always found their way back to one another. Full of tales to tell and chatter to fill the void as they relaxed.

Dogma's fingers deftly untangling his brother's long locks, and braiding them into interesting configurations. Tup's soothingly soft voice calming him as he recounted what he'd gotten up to in his absence.

No matter where Tup had gone, even if it were somewhere unexpected, Dogma would inevitably find him.

Luckily he did have something to work with that he hadn't had before, when he'd been fully human. An astonishingly acute sense of smell and a scent trail that he could follow so long as it was nice and fresh. And, given the fact Tup had only just woken up and come through, the trail was indeed very fresh.

It just bothered him where exactly on base it was leading him to...

There was no way in sith-hells that his brother would have stumbled into the firing range on accident. Especially if one were to take into consideration Dogma's own reaction to waking up after his parasite had been removed.

He just hoped the weapons lockers had all been tightly padlocked.

"Tup...?" pausing at the door that led to his destination, Dogma grimaced as he noted something quite jarring.

In his haste he hadn't really noticed it before, but there were scratches all over the duracrete and walls. Scratches that looked suspiciously like uneven numbered claw marks. And both the door to the firing range and the keypad were in pretty bad shape. Like something had tried to bash the former down before simply destroying the keypad.

When that hadn't worked, whatever (or rather, whoever) had attacked the door had simply smashed through the wall like it wasn't made of dense sturdy building materials. Although, given the nature of their alterations, to them it really wasn't that big of a deal anymore.

Dogma braced himself for the worst before climbing through the hole in the wall. And, fortunately, he hadn't walked into a bloodbath. Although the situation was still not ideal. If anything, it was heartbreaking to see his twin in the state he was in.

"Oh Tup..." Dogma's antennae drooped, expression pinched as he approached his brother.

The other was curled up on the floor, long tail coiled tightly around himself as he tried to look as small as possible. All around him were several blasters that had been smashed to pieces. Likely because his pincers were simply too strong to hold a weapon with so many delicate parts anymore. The few destroyed vibroblades that he'd also tried to take a hold of, hadn't fared any better...

It was lucky that, in his state of despair, Tup hadn't thought to use his own in-built weapons against himself. Otherwise Dogma really might have just been walking in on a cooling corpse.

"Tup..." Kneeling down before his weeping brother, Dogma tried to reach for his face to dry some of his tears like he used to do when they were cadets. Only to be pushed away in response to the attempted contact. "Tup please..."

"N̸O̸!̵" Coiling himself even more tightly (if that was even possible) the long-haired mutant wailed pitifully. His tail beginning to thrash erratically as he tried to will himself into invisibility.

And wouldn't that be a useful ability right now?

"Tup it's ok..."

"N̵O̸ ̴I̶T̶'̵S̷ ̵N̷O̸T̶!̵ ̶I̸'̴M̵ ̵A̵ ̶M̴O̵N̵S̶T̴E̷R̸!̸" Tup screeched, his clumsy limbs fumbling slightly as he tried to push himself away from Dogma. Away from any efforts to comfort him. "I̶T̷'̵S̴ ̸N̶O̴T̷ ̴S̶A̶F̴E̷ ̶T̶O̴ ̷B̵E̶ ̶A̵R̸O̷U̷N̷D̶ ̸M̸E̴!̷"

"You're not a..." Dogma shook his head, trying to keep his face neutral in spite of Tup's words. "It's out. You're not dangerous anymore... The parasite's out."

"U̸R̶G̶H̵!̶ ̸Y̴O̸U̵ ̶D̸O̶N̵'̶T̶ ̶G̵E̴T̵ ̶I̴T̵ ̵D̴O̶ ̴Y̶O̸U̸?̶!̴" Tup looked up. His face wasn't blotchy like it used to get when he cried. The scales on his face didn't change color like regular skin, and the mandibles at the side of his mouth and fang-like scale plating made it difficult to read his expressions. The way his brow was furrowed and his eyes shone with pure anguish was all Tup however. Very familiar to him. "A̷l̵l̵ ̷o̵f̶ ̸t̶h̷a̸t̶.̷.̵.̸ ̴A̶l̶l̷ ̸o̷f̸ ̴t̴h̶o̵s̵e̶ ̵t̶h̵i̶n̸g̷s̷ ̵I̵ ̸d̵i̷d̶ ̷t̴o̶ ̸y̷o̴u̶,̶ ̷t̸o̷ ̶e̸v̵e̶r̷y̵o̸n̴e̵.̸.̶.̴ ̵I̸T̴ ̴W̵A̵S̶ ̴A̷L̷L̸ ̷M̶Y̴ ̶F̸A̸U̵L̷T̸!̴!̵!̶"

"It wasn't."

"I̵T̸ ̵W̷A̶S̷!̶ ̵I̵ ̷L̴E̶T̴ ̵T̵H̴A̶T̷ ̴T̴H̷I̵N̷G̸ ̴U̴S̷E̵ ̴M̷E̷!̴!̴!̵" Tup roared, jumping up into a proper standing position and using his height to tower over Dogma with ease. "̷I̷T̴ ̶F̶E̶L̴T̴ ̶G̷O̴O̴D̸!̴ ̴H̴A̴V̷I̷N̶G̸ ̵A̶L̵L̶ ̴O̶F̷ ̷Y̸O̸U̵ ̴U̵N̶D̵E̷R̸ ̷M̵Y̴ ̶C̶O̶N̵T̸R̷O̴L̶!̶ ̸A̸S̶ ̸M̶Y̸ ̶S̶E̶R̸V̷A̵N̶T̷S̷,̵ ̴M̸Y̴ ̵P̴L̷A̸Y̴ ̸T̸H̸I̴N̸G̴S̷.̵.̶.̸ ̶I̴T̴ ̴F̵E̷L̵T̶ ̴S̵O̶ ̷K̶A̸R̷K̵I̸N̵G̸ ̷G̷O̵O̶D̶!̵ ̵I̶ ̶W̶A̸N̶T̸E̶D̷ ̸I̷T̷!̷ ̷I̸ ̵W̷A̵N̸T̴E̵D̷ ̸M̴O̶R̶E̵!̵"

"No it wasn't!" Dogma stood up as well, refusing to be intimidated even if his heart was starting to race once more.

The fear, sorrow and anger he could smell coming off of his twin in waves, making it so hard for him to concentrate on his own actual emotions.

Despite no longer being under the parasites's control, Dogma's body was still wired to respond to Tup's emotional responses. Karking pheromones...

"I̵T̸ ̷W̶A̶S̵!̴!̶!̷!" Tup reared up suddenly like a startled fathier. Standing on his two back legs and kicking the front ones slightly. Dogma backed away immediately, afraid the other might hit him accidentally on the way back down. With how upset Tup was, lashing out was not out of the question. "A̴L̷L̶ ̷T̷H̴A̵T̷ ̵T̸H̶I̵N̸G̵ ̵D̶I̵D̵ ̸W̸A̷S̸ ̴B̵R̶I̵N̸G̵ ̸I̶T̴ ̷O̵U̷T̸ ̵O̵F̷ ̷M̶E̸!̵ ̷A̴L̶L̴ ̷T̷H̸E̶ ̵B̷A̸D̵ ̷T̶H̶I̴N̵G̶S̷!̶!̷!̴"

Oh, that certainly wouldn't fly. No one was allowed to slander his brother. Not even the stubborn idiot himself.

"STOP LYING TO YOURSELF JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL GUILTY OVER SOMETHING YOU HAD NO CONTROL OVER! I KNOW IT WASN'T ALL YOU BECAUSE I KNOW YOU TUP! BETTER THAN YOU KNOW YOURSELF, APPARENTLY!!!" Dogma roared back, letting his temper rule him for once if it meant his much more vocal vod might actually listen. "I don't know if you remember this, but I was also under that stupid thing's control! I tried to fight it, I knew what it was trying to make me do was wrong, but it felt... It felt good to give in. I didn't want to do any of the things it made me do, but I still did them... Because it made me feel amazing!"

Tup stood there, tense and shaking. Staring at him with fury and something else. Something he couldn't quite discern since it was just so many emotions in one. Since he didn't say anything else however, Dogma carried on.

"I didn't want to ambush and capture any of our vode. I didn't want to infect anyone else. I didn't want to hurt or kill the medics. I certainly didn't want to eat them!" Dogma paced, his wings twitching uncontrollably while he clenched and unclenched his fists repeatedly. Tried to do something with them, otherwise he might try to gnaw on his wrists to feel something other than the whirlwind of emotions that were threatening to choke him out before he knocked some sense into Tup's thick skull. "I didn't want to hurt anyone... What I did want, was to make you happy. Because your happiness meant a lot to me... I wanted to be useful. And to protect everyone... Because Umbara was awful, and Krell was awful, and feeling sick and out of my depth was awful! And that thing it... It twisted it all up! It made me obey you without question, and rewarded me for making you 'happy'. It felt so good Tup... Making you happy felt so good, even if deep down we both knew what was happening was beyond our control... And that... And that we would live to regret it..."

Tup's expression shifted. The anger slowly melting away.

"I'm... I'm not good at this. I'm not good at explaining what happened back there, or how I feel about it, or even how you should feel about it but..." Dogma sighed. "It wasn't all you. The parasite used something you wanted against you... It tried to make you into a monster. But you're not. None of us are... Even if... Even if it's hard to believe after we did what we did..."

Tup continued to shake before he dropped back down onto the floor, trying to hide his face behind his pincers as he crumpled into a sobbing mess. Dogma wasted no time in sitting back down next to his twin. Ready to comfort him if he were allowed.

He was infinitely relieved when the other mutant didn't pull away, instead wrapping his tail around them both. Letting him in.

"I just wanted to protect everyone..." Tup cried as he buried his face into Dogma's shoulder. Tiny and vulnerable despite having become so much bigger and so heavily armored in this new form of his. "We were all dying... I just wanted to help!"

"I know..."

"I never wanted this! I just wanted everything to be ok!"

"It's ok now...I've got you."

"I̷'̶M̴ ̶S̷O̴ ̷S̴O̶R̷R̵Y̵!̸!̷!̸"

Dogma let his brother continue to cry. To let all of the things that had bottled up to near exploding point, rush out uninhibited. There was no one to judge him.

Really, he understood what Tup was feeling even if it was hard to put to words. He'd been just as horrified over his own actions once the parasite's spell had been broken. Still woke up crying sometimes, when he dreamt about the ambush. Still felt the guilt clawing away at his psyche whenever Coric, Pitch or Sponge flinched at the sight of him.

It would get better one day.

But for now Tup would just need to cry it out until he was done crying. And diligent that he'd always been when it came to offering his twin some solace, Dogma was there to dry his eyes. Just as he hoped he'd always be, now that the war was slowly coming to a halt It's what good brothers did.

#Eps Writes #star wars #the clone wars #whumptober #Umbaran Pathogen AU #clone trooper dogma #clone trooper tup #clone trooper hardcase #clone medic kix #clone ocs #clone medic twitch

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