#no 'see results' option you either have an opinion on my thought exercise or you don't get to know what anyone else said | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tweedstoat · 3 years

Note

Hi! Just wanted to pop in and say how much I adore your fics. The Elia, Rhaenys, and Aegon tags are nearly impossible to get through. 95% of the fics don’t even feature them prominently and of the remaining 5%, either they’re horrible people bullying faultless Lyanna and Jon 😒 or wonderful angels (unlike that awful witch Catelyn Stark 🙄) who exist to be Jon and Lyanna’s cheerleaders and absolve them of any guilt.

Also I wanted to commend you on your Rhaenys and Elia characterization. Especially Rhaenys! I think a trend I sometimes see is that female characters are only allowed to be happy after they’ve rejected any femininity and taken up weapons and become brash and daring and loudly opinionated. And those girls deserve happiness for sure! But it’s so nice to see a Rhaenys who does lean towards soft power. Who isn’t only a horse and weapons and wild sex enthusiast because she happens to be Dornish. Because that kind of characterization doesn’t really ring true to me for someone like Rhaenys who is in the spotlight a lot. Who’s actions and personality are going to reflect on her abandoned mother who lost out on the throne. I’m so glad characters like her and Elia and Rhaella get to be the heroes of a story while still performing femininity (and frankly using that as their weapons).

And I think you handle the Lyanna situation very well. Personally I’m ambivalent towards Jon and am not fond of Lyanna. But I also don’t like overblown animosity that feels cartoonish. There might be negative feelings directed at them by certain characters, but they aren’t acted upon in any uncharacteristic way. Those two feel more like afterthoughts to Elia and Rhaenys. And while I very much lean into the drama of it all (because it’s so rare for Elia to win this much) I can very much appreciate the reality that Elia and Rhaenys aren’t spending every waking moment thinking about Jon and Lyanna. They have lives to lead and it’s pointless keeping a scoreboard of who got what win over the other. There’s no need to compete, but there’s also no need to be friendly and accommodating is the vibe I’m getting from your story and I really love that. (But I also like that negative feelings exist because let them be human and relatable!!!!!)

Sorry for the word vomit 😅 but I really love your writing and it’s one of the only things I look forward to in this fandom anymore tbh. Thank you so much!

this is so sweet oh my goodness and I’m in a crappy mood today because of uni stress so this really made my day thank you for sending me this

I’m glad you find Rhaenys and Rhaella exercising soft power interesting. I think you’ve got the right take on Rhaenys! She is someone who would love to be able to be loud and brash and is quite opinionated (see: her outright telling her father she would marry anyone to get away from him) but in the red keep where her every move is scrutinized she doesn’t have the option to do that. She has a complicated relationship with the way she presents herself which is also heavily tied up in the fact that she is the only visibly non-white member of her family and she faces scorn for obviously being half-Dornish.

I think the whole “I’m not like other girls” vibe of only letting girl characters be cool and better when they dislike girls who behave in “traditionally feminine” ways is just as shitty as painting girls who don’t behave in traditionally feminine ways as “masculine” (and trying to say they have male privilege – like what?). The truth is that even though some traits are ascribed by society to one gender or the other – there aren’t any traits that are more inherent to one gender than the other. And quite frankly in a society like Westeros women are going to have a complicated relationship with their performance of gender regardless of how they perform it.

I also really enjoy women in old stories using the small tools available to them as women to undermine a system that disregards them because it’s fun!

Thank you for saying that my handling of the Jon/Lyanna situation is realistic! I once got accused of bashing - which I don’t want to do so that was a bit of a blow. But I don’t think I’m bashing them to have my characters think negatively of them or disliking them. I did some investigation (mainly by reading r/relationships lmao) into how people feel when their parents break up due to affairs and the common thread I saw was a LOT of pain and resentment and yeah some jealousy and dislike of half siblings who resulted from those new relationships. And that’s in our society where we have stuff like divorce and no one’s starting wars over kidnapped fiancées. Imagine how much more resentment there would be in a situation where not only did your father leave you but that also 1. Put your life in jeopardy 2. Put your inheritance rights in jeopardy 3. You can’t just leave and tell him to fuck himself because in this society the family you have grants you saftey and power. Honestly Rhaegar’s lucky someone hasn’t snapped and stabbed him yet.

You're right to say they aren't accommodating or friendly, saying that Lyanna and Jon are an afterthought is probably right. Rhaenys Rhaella and Elia have approached something like tolerance with Lyanna – they’ll leave her alone if she leaves them alone and that’s the way everyone likes it. In an everyone lived situation I simply don’t think it would be realistic to approach it in any other way. And because Elia and Rhaenys are more on the “winning” side of this I dont think they would spend every waking moment dwelling and brooding on Lyanna.

I think this tendency to have Elia and Rhaenys approve whole-heartedly of Lyanna and Jon is caused by 4 factors

1. The misguided need to have them be good or to “give them agency”. Making a character a flat nobody who doesn’t have any emotions towards a situation that would be dangerous and deeply personally humiliating to them isn’t making them good or giving them agency its making them boring and unrealistic.

2. Not wanting to “pit girls against one another”. Look i hate this trope of 2 girls catfighting over a guy as much as anyone else but I have noticed that sometimes people say “don’t pit women against each other” when....2 girl characters don’t like each other for totally legitimate reasons. Elia doesn’t dislike Lyanna because she loves Rhaegar and Lyanna was a homewrecker who stole him. Elia is understandably angry because the whole realm is destabilized, her children’s lives and futures are in danger, and she’s been nationally humiliated. Let female characters be as complex as the male ones. No one bats an eye that Ned and Jaime despise one another because they’re men and we don’t expect male characters to be beautiful angels who never have a bad thought about anyone.

3. To have them be good to contrast “bitchy” Catelyn. Cat isn’t a bitch and I will die on this hill. If you want to look at who was primarily responsible for the whole Jon situation Rhaegar and Ned are right there.

4. Being unable to conceptualize non-white characters as having motivations (and negative emotions) that are either directed towards or separate from a (usually white) fandom fav character like Lyanna or Jon.

#ladies rebellion verse #Anonymous #asks #also i find it funny that the fandom has seized on horse riding as being proof that a girl is special and cool and nota dumb girly girtl #when horse riding was one of the common forms of exercise noblewomen took part in

20 notes · View notes

hearthandhomemagick · 3 years

Text

Cottage Witch Journal Entry

Good Afternoon, Everyone!

It is chilly outside, and my nose has been red since the wind hit it. A warm air is wafting over my body like a blanket in my cozy little office, making me feel comfortable. My mind is filled with daydreams and thoughts of what is right and what is wrong. My center seems to be no where in sight, and yet I am calm.

I want to tell you all how my journey has been so far since my last journal entry.

Just to recap, I set some goals for myself last time. I wanted to be more aware of my eating habits, forming a work out routine to do everyday, and learn to do a split by the end of the month. These three goals are small, and have almost no real direction or layout for how they were to be conducted.

And yet, it worked. At least a little bit!

You see, I’m training my mind right now to see tracking my eating as a fun habit. I have a theory that I overthink my weight a lot of the time and completely miss the point of weight loss in general. I still get to this state of mind where if I feel as though I should feel bad for feeding myself. And this can be induced by small things people say around me. With my mind using hyperbole to hype up what they are saying, it convinces me that my eating habits are the reason they feel the way they do.

I never used to be a jealous girlfriend, I never used to be insecure, lithe in personality or even submissive. I used to be extremely dominant, defensive, independent and confident with my steps. Hell, I joined singing competitions because in my head, I knew I’d do great. But now, I bail on musical rehearsals simply because my energy isn’t right. And after last nights episode, I fucking guess I get jealous of video games now, too! Fucking stupid.

So imagine, I’ve been on this awareness journey with my eating habits. This goal being the main one I wanted to focus on this month, and have sufficiently lost a couple of pounds simply from changing the way I eat. With that being said, I’ve still felt ill about myself. So, while my boyfriend was playing Cyberpunk 2077 last night, he mentioned he loved and wanted to marry Judy because, “She’s a version of his High School self.” (as seen above. A bad bitch tech wizard who is literally the definition of independence).

Judy is a bad bitch, I’d marry her too!!! I love how sure of herself she is and how she wants a revolution. But, for some reason, this comment didn’t settle with me correctly. Regardless of my mental efforts, an actual war was going on in my head. Negative thoughts popped up about how tiny and lithe she was in stature, while being confident, distant and strong in nature, while I was a big girl who was shy, quiet and submissive/passive. I was comparing myself to a game....a game character I related to, for that matter?! I had just taken a bite of food when he said he loved her, but I stopped chewing all together the moment he said it.

The food sat in my mouth for what felt like hours as I contemplated whether it would be acceptable to just spit it in the trash, but my grandmother who lives 45 minutes out of town drove it to me because she knew it was my favorite...smoked salmon. The thoughts running through my head included, “If you don’t eat this bite, you could get skinny like Judy faster.” & “Spit it out, pig, he’s trying to tell you something.” I ended up spitting it in the trash after thirty minutes of holding it between my gums and cheek and hating on myself.

Thankfully, I STILL HAVE SALMON LEFT OVER AND WILL NEVER QUESTION WHETHER TO EAT THAT BITE OR NOT EVER AGAIN!!!! Rationalizing myself in the moment, though, was almost impossible. My boyfriend didn’t notice much because I was simply staring quietly at the TV, his voice coming in and out every once in a while followed by my curt response.

Now, this is not his fault. Him and I had a discussion a while ago regarding this and I openly said it was okay for him to talk like that in front of me about other women. I’m a feminist and love seeing women do awesome and bad ass things. I also love talking about bad ass women! He had my consent, and knows nothing of what is going on in my mind right now, so genuinely this is not a him problem.

This is a me problem. This is a me problem I have had for a very long time regarding my body issues, my mental health and my willingness to be open about it. Which I’m not. I never tell people what’s going on because not everyone is a therapist, which is what I need and cannot afford. It’s easier to not say something.

So going back to Judy. After my moment of absolute self hatred, my boyfriend mentioned something to me that seemed to pull me out of this waterfall of feelings and thoughts. He started talking to me about things we were wanting to do together.

I realized that he wasn’t thinking as hard as I was about Judy. He simply loves and enjoys the character and the interactions he has with the character. That type of woman is the type he admires. But she’s a made up fictional character. That’s when the thought hit me, “He calls you a bad bitch all the time. You guys mirrored each other quite a bit in High School. You were independent before him. Carly, you’ve started depending on an approval he doesn’t realize you are expecting. And that’s something you should be expecting from yourself.”

I put weight in the words of a man who thought his sentence was light as a feather. Things started clicking and I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped my mouth. I had just spit food out over a situation I had created in my head. I would be Judy today if I were in a post-apocalyptic world, had I not put so much weight into depending on others for things, I would probably be Judy in todays Rona Revolution! The point is, Judy is a set of characteristics dressed up and made pretty for the success of a video game. No one is exactly like her because she isn’t real.

But I am. And personality is a choice. No, I won’t change myself, but I want to be more myself. I want to be the me uninfluenced by others opinions of me. I want to be the me that can alternate from being prissy to being tomboy. So, I want to make a list of things that make me truly happy. I want to lay out the part of me that I love, and I want to strive to accomplish more of the things I love.

1. Fixing my own car. I was told in High School that shop class was a boys class. It was my first option as a recreational hour, and they decided to put me in something else. I slowly lost interest in vehicles as a whole and pushed it to the side, depending on everyone else to fix my car for me. This is bullshit, and I want to fix my own fucking car from now on. It won’t get done otherwise.

2. MMA Fighting/Boxing. Like my piano career, this dream stopped once my teacher stopped showing up. I want to defend myself and be physically strong, I also want to say I went through something rigorous without giving up. I want this for me, myself and I. I’m tired of calling people in parking lots at night when I’m scared.

3. Yoga. I brought this up in my last post, I bring it up again because this a priority of mine that goes unnoticed frequently. I need this physical practice for my mental health, I always feel happier and healthier when I can do yoga, so there’s no excuse for me to NOT invest in this.

4. Independence. I don’t need anyone, who is in my life is here because I want them here. I don’t need anyone to make money for me, I’ll work. I don’t need anyone to tell me I’m beautiful, I know. I don’t need people telling me what to wear, it’s my choice. I want to be myself again, not everyone else collectively.

5. Music/Art. This is a part of my soul that heals with the hit of the play button. It should have never stopped being at the forefront of my life.

6. Reading and Writing. I don’t give myself time to do this, yet I have plenty of time to do everything. I don’t know what I’m waiting for, but boredom ain’t it sis! This is how I process my thoughts and organize my mind, so it should be imperative.

7. Self-Love Rituals. I want to start putting effort into rituals that mean something to me and my craft. This includes bath rituals, cooking or baking rituals, or even smoke rituals. Either way, it’s a portion of my craft I neglect, and shouldn’t.

8. Go places by myself and face my anxiety. I always shoved my anxiety to the side and trained my brain to replace it with excitement. It worked for a long time, and then I lost my confidence and Independence. I need to focus on myself to accomplish this one. But I shouldn’t be nervous or scared going into public to get shit I want or need. Period. No one is focusing on me, so why should I focus on them?

9. Sing in my car. I was recorded while singing passionately in my car twice this year. My anxious mind claimed they were making fun of me, and one was indeed laughing at me. BUT FUCK IT. Who cares if they record me or make fun of me or not? Why am I stopping my happiness because you think it’s funny? Fuck that, I’m too bad of a bitch to be worried about people who waste their time in that manner. I’ll give them a show next time. I refuse to be the victim anymore to anyone, including myself.

There is nothing stopping me except myself from pursuing the things in life that make me happy. Being aware of my own state of mind helped me realize this. And typing this out has helped me truly start the process of change for the better.

As for my actual monthly goals; they are still in tact! Again, making myself aware of my eating has forced me to be mindful of the things I put into my body, including drinks. As a result of better habits forming, I’ve dropped a few pounds. Losing weight is not the goal, but the result of accomplishing my goal. As for exercise, I have started small by working on my legs and glutes. I have been doing up to 20 Jump Squats every day or every other day. This, of course, isn’t a routine, but it is progress from where I was doing nothing. As a result, my booty and thighs have been looking good and my number of squats has been going up! I haven’t created anything yoga wise yet, but anticipate on forming something sustainable once I have gotten into the habit of my squats. Saving $100 was not the best goal to set for the month of December (not the wisest move of a notorious over spender on gifts) BUT I still want this to happen, so! Rather than worrying about saving $100, I will focus on making sure I survive this month without over drafting. I already have and am in the negatives by 80 something dollars, but for the rest of the month, and into next year, I will shut down my checking account with that bank, keep my savings, and start using that as my emergency debit card.

I’m doing better. I’m noticing progress. It’s small, but worth the tiniest amount of effort. I still struggle, and I will in the future, but right now I’m doing well. I will continue this journey with pride.

I also want to learn more in regards to shadow work, and incorporating my craft into my workout routines, so if any of you actually reads this and has any ideas, let me know! Being healthy is the main goal!!!!!

I appreciate those who read this or support it or even relate to it a bit. My last entry received a nasty comment, explaining how I was a basic bitch who needed to be educated and needed to stay out of the thinspo tag. For anyone who feels compelled to do that, just know you are much more emotionally invested in it than I am at that point. I simply don’t give 1, 2 or even 3 types of fucks about it. I’m doing this for me, if you follow then thank you, but if not then thank you for kindly leaving me alone.

I want to be me. Me alone, me without help, me with me. I still want to be with my boyfriend, and I know I have his support here, but this is my battle and I can’t rely on him to fix me or make me feel like me again. I am responsible for myself.

I’m doing better, and will continue to do so! Just let me know you guys’ thoughts, ideas or even experiences you may have went/are going through like this. I appreciate you all!

13 notes · View notes

woman-loving · 4 years

Text

@eiriee replied to your post “@butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker replied to your post “I hate to say it, but...”

Do you have any posts on your thoughts regarding Bi: Notes? It's been on my shelf for years & I've read some of it but not finished.

I do, but they’re older and mostly rambling. The trouble I have with the book is that there’s so much content and framing that I disagree with that it’s hard to hold it all in my head and draw out a structured criticism for it. It’s been quite a while since I looked through it, but here are a couple of things I discussed in my older posts.

So, you know how some people will say that hostility toward women-loving women or woman-woman couples that’s expressed in the language of “lesbians” or “dykes” isn’t really about bi women? Eisner pulls a similar move to put bi women and biphobia at the center of harassment against WLW. They have a section on Sexual Violence in Chapter Four where they talk about men pressuring bi women (and also lesbians) to engage in threesomes or “perform bisexuality” by making out with other women. They then say (bolding mine):

At this point, some of you might be wondering why I consider these types of violence against bisexual women [men harassing women who make out in public, men asking if “they can watch,” etc] as biphobic rather than lesbophobic, since lesbians are often harassed in very similar ways to the ones I described. This is biphobia, however, rather than lesbophobia because this type of harassment is based on biphobic beliefs and perceptions even when they are aimed against lesbians. As explained throughout this chapter, the logic of this type of sexual violence is that bisexual women are “actually straight,” or only performing their bisexuality for male pleasure. When lesbians are harassed in the same way, they are first presumed to be bisexual, and then attached with the same biphobic notions used against bi women. What happens here is a combination of lesbophobia and biphobia: Lesbians first have their lesbian identity erased, and then are presumed to be “actually straight” as a result of being presumed as bisexual. Thus, biphobia constitutes the center here, and remains biphobia even when it is aimed at lesbians.

What we can see here is that this type of biphobia not only harms bisexual women, but also monosexual women, as it is also aimed against them. As explained above, lesbians often receive the same type of harassment as bisexual women when being affectionate or sexual in public. Heterosexual women are often also subject to pressure by strait men to perform bisexuality (privately or publicly) for their pleasure. In many communities (especially ones that consider themselves "alternative," "open," or "liberal"), performative bisexuality might be a standard that all women must meet. This means that in those communities, women are expected and pressured into being sexual with other women for the satisfaction of straight men. Although this mostly harms bisexual women (who are presumed to want this simply because they identify as bisexual), it also works against monosexual women.

What all of this means is that biphobia against women is not only the concern of bisexual women, but of all women regardless of their sexuality identity. [...]

This differs from the “misdirected lesbophobia” discourse, because they’re arguing that all women can be negatively affected by biphobia, and present this as a reason that people should take biphobia seriously. The people who argue that expressions of lesbophobia toward bi women are just “misdirected” are more often emphasizing a disconnect between the effect it has on bi women versus lesbians, and want to see this hostility as “really” only about lesbians (so that “dyke” as a politicized identity is the cultural property of lesbians exclusively). So Eisner’s not being as stingy with the centrality they claim for bisexual subjects in this type of harassment, but it’s still a shit move and denies a lot of ground to what can be considered “about” lesbians.

Ironically, I think Eisner and the “misdirected lesbophobia” camp talk about lesbophobia in a similar way, where the subject of “lesbophobia” must be understood--even by homophobes--as a woman who is exclusively attracted to women. The “misdirected lesbophobia” camp say that “a woman who is exclusively attracted to women” is what’s really on the homophobe’s mind when he calls a woman “dyke,” and therefore the insult can’t be about bi women, while Eisner presumes that a man harassing a woman to perform for him must believe that she’s genuinely open to men and therefore cannot really see her as a lesbian.

I think both sides misunderstand the slippages that occur when people see expressions of woman-women eroticism. I would argue that homophobia against women (which I would just call lesbophobia) often involves a denial that woman-woman eroticism is real/final, and that any women should be permitted to have sexual relations and identifications outside of particular heterosexualities. In other words, it’s possible for someone to know that there are women in the world who call themselves “lesbians” and claim to only like women, and to believe that this phenomenon is bad, without believing that “women who only like women” actually exist. If such a person argues that “lesbians” are just women who can’t get a man (an argument which presumes they want men), this is still a message about what self-identified “lesbians” are like, even though it totally dismisses their own understanding of their lesbianism. But going further, this message isn’t just “about” self-identified lesbians either, because it’s implicitly a message about all woman-woman eroticism and identifications, including bi women’s identity and desire toward women. Arguably, it’s even about women more broadly, in that it suggests that getting a man is a central preoccupation for women, and that perceived rebellious from women can be dismissed as a petulant reaction to failure in this area, rather than a reflection of agency and goals beyond patriarchal expectations.

In any case, it’s inaccurate to claim that this kind of harassment can’t really be “about” lesbians. Eisner’s logic isn’t consistent here, as you’ll notice. If a lesbian is treated as though she were open to men, they reason that actions toward her are reflective of attitudes about bi women specifically, not lesbians. But when a bi woman is treated as though she were “actually straight,” they don’t conclude that actions toward her must reflect attitudes toward straight women, not bi women or lesbians. There also isn’t an option for lesbians to be directly perceived as “actually straight,” even though this isn’t uncommon. Any suggestion that a lesbian might be open to men automatically moves the topic to bi women, meaning that there’s a whole huge area of lesbophobia that fundamentally has nothing to do with lesbians. (I think this move is cruel and outrageous, even if it’s a reversal of a move often used against bi women.) I also think they make the mistake of presuming that men only pressure women whom they think will be open to their advances. While the idea that women might eventually “like it” can be used as rationalization for this behavior, I think the behavior is rooted more in a simple lack of concern for women’s interests and boundaries, when men expect that they can get away with ignoring these.

Eisner makes similar moves in other places. Here they are talking about “lesbian” porn:

Following all of this, I think it would be more accurate to discuss “lesbian” porn in terms of bisexuality. If we follow from the sexual acts performed by the women appearing in these types of scenes, it would be very hard not to notice that bisexuality is here at work. The women in scenes titled lesbian have sex with each other, as well as with men. Even in scenes where no man is present at all, the logic behind the activity is still bisexual, since the women are perceived to be performing for a cis straight male audience.

These representations of bisexuality, in turn, contribute to the cultural construction of female bisexuality as we've seen it in the media depictions above. The media take up on the pornographic logic of bisexuality and send the same messages, but in covert ways. Thus, looking into pornographic representations of bisexual women might help us shed light on social and cultural treatment of female bisexuality in general.

Instead of recognizing the possibility for slippages in meaning, or that there can be inaccurate messages about lesbians as well as bi women (e.g. lesbian sexuality can also be regarded as a performance for men), Eisner finds in these representations an essential and exclusive bisexuality. Now, I do think that media representations of “lesbians” also inform attitudes toward bi women, that looking at them can be useful, and that representations of “lesbians” can simultaneously be representations of bisexuality. But I think it’s a silly exercise to claim that “lesbian” porn is only depicting bisexuality, as if the (fictionalized) dynamics depicted in media have their own independent and singular reality which can be empirically determined. Just a couple paragraphs above this, they obverse that “[t]he women's sexuality is irrelevant since the definitions are not about them but about the men fucking or watching them.” They should have gone a little bit farther with this idea, in my opinion!

While there are times when it makes sense, I think there can also be a danger in treating bisexuality as a singular expression, encompassing same-gender and man-woman relations, when these relations have very different positions in society. I think Eisner tends to treat bisexuality as a singular, marginalized expression that needs protection, including from gay people, in a way that can end up aligning with heterosexism. I don’t remember if this idea featured in their book, but they once made a post saying:

All gay and lesbian readings of mainstream movies and TV are based in bisexual erasure. Because in order to read characters as gay or lesbian, it is necessary to erase the character’s different-gender attraction and relationships.

It’s telling that they’re talking about “characters” having different-gender attraction, because of course these sexually-unmarked, mainstream “characters” are actually imagined, depicted, and normally received as straight. Eisner is again employing some weird media analysis where characters, even across individual imaginings (i.e. from the original creator’s depiction to a fan depiction), seem to have an independent reality. So interest in man-woman relations is an essential part of the character, always. Then, when you want to imagine that the character is interested is same-gender relations, you can only add that as an additional fact, thus making the character bisexual. And then, by becoming part of a (hypothetical) singular bisexual expression which is uniformly marginalized, canon man-woman relations now need protection against gay readings that would “erase” them. Even though these are actually straight characters in heteronormative media. The end result is that we’re meant to always uphold man-women relations as integral to a character’s (or anyone’s?) sexuality and identity.

In general, my impression when reading the book was that Eisner solely wants to look at identity or group belonging as the site of oppression, and doesn’t want to give any attention to the ways that man-woman relations themselves may be relatively valued, legitimized, and enforced over same-gender relations. I can understand the reluctance to look at those processes, since bi people’s potential engagement in man-woman arrangements is often used to deny their sexualities and the possibility that they could face any problems, or even an intensification of problems in some areas over lesbians or gay men. But these processes are still an important part of patriarchal gender systems, and need to be part of the analysis. I don’t have a good quote for it, but this one might suggest a bit of that line of thought:

The idea of passing as an act of disguise presumes an essence of identity. Without a "true core," a disguise becomes impossible, for the very meaning of disguise comes from the discrepancy between what one "is" and what one is "seen" and "understood" to be. However, instead of being an essentialist notion, passing can subvert these presumptions by showing, in practice, that appearances--including one's very body--are no guarantee for the "truth" of one's identity. From this point of view, passing becomes particularly useful in demonstrating the way in which all identities and appearances are socially constructed, the way identities are written into our very bodies, and the enormous fragility of these constructs themselves.

In the case of bisexuality, we might look at society's insistent attempts to naturalize both homosexuality and heterosexuality, appealing to bodies, genes, hormones, and brains in order to establish that "this" (the sexuality in question) is inborn, natural, and immutable. Under this logic, one is either "born" gay or "born" straight, and thus any performance of their desires is "true to its nature." Being in a same-gender relationship presumes homosexuality, and being in a different-gender relationship presumes heterosexuality, because one's relationship choices are understood to reflect one's inner essence. Bisexuality— and bisexual passing—short-circuits this circular logic by showing that “acting gay” or “acting straight” does not necessarily equate with “being gay” or “being straight.” It allows us to distrust visual presentations and to deconstruct claims of inner essences. In this way, bisexuality may again be one way out of rigid identity constructs, a way of resisting both the lines of separation imposed by them and the hierarchies built upon them.

That’s nice, but you actually don’t need to imagine that same-gender acts stem from a different innate character in order to condemn them, or to institutionalize heterosexuality to the detriment of other pursuits. You don’t need naturalized concepts of essential heterosexuality and homosexuality in order to have a “hierarchy” among social arrangements and practices. In fact, ambiguity between subjects and the inability to finally “prove” that a person is one way or another can actually be beneficial to oppressive systems. When there’s ambiguity, more people can come under scrutiny and face demands to continuously prove themselves by conforming to gendered expectations or distancing themselves from marginalized subjects and practices.

That goes back to my original complaint that bi theorists focus too much on minority sexual discourses. Man-woman sexual relations and kinship can be institutionalized (while same-gender ones are stigmatized or denied) without any reference to “heterosexuality” as one of multiple sexual orientations. It does NOT need a corresponding “homosexuality.” The “gay-straight binary” is not a crucial linchpin within systems of gender. These discourses on sexual orientation do exist and do have more institutionalized backing now, so that more people are now forced to engage with them at some points. But I still don’t see them as really universal or fundamental to gender/patriarchy overall. I think the exclusive focus on discourses of “sexual orientation” leads to distorted analysis, because there’s just more going on in society.

There were just so many things they said that I objected to, and I really just don’t agree with their whole approach.

Although, I was originally complaining about another paper I was reading, which seems to be a Master’s thesis (although that’s hard to believe, because it’s so bad). It’s “The Bisexual To Be Corrected: Interrogating The Threat And Recuperation Of Women's Femme Bisexuality,” which can be found here. This was one part that I thought was especially... lackluster:

As several women I interviewed point out, heteropatriarchy needs people to be monosexual, or attracted to only one gender, in order to neatly hierarchize. It is rather difficult to maintain the disenfranchisement of a group if that group is incoherent, with its members presenting in different ways that shift, slip, and take on a variety of meanings. The notion that women can be attracted to men, women, and other genders simultaneously is a threat, because it points to the fact that perhaps masculinity and femininity, men and women, are not such polar opposites at all... and if men are not the powerful, aggressive, dominant opposites of women, why should they be at the top of the hierarchy? If masculinity is not the opposite of femininity, then perhaps all men are more intimately related to femininity than they would like to think. This line of thought destabilizes the patriarchal order, so monosexism and biphobia punish bisexuals for their attraction to multiple genders—and more specifically, for destabilizing the gender binary. Bisexuality must be erased, invisible, and invalid because it threatens core values of patriarchy that organize and define our culture. [...]

Again, this relies heavily on the idea that clarity between groups is necessary for hierarchy, and that ambiguity is automatically destabilizing rather than beneficial. (Like, not only does ambiguity extend the circulation of the power-effects of these discourses among more subjects, as Storr would say, but it also provides a measure of flexibility to the system: if you can’t condemn and/or recuperate something using one approach, you can try a contradictory approach.) Even beyond that, the idea that you need “facts” and “consistency” in your oppressive ideology is obviously baseless. The author’s understanding of heteropatriarchy is again focused only on categories of people, even though behavior itself can be regulated (and categorized), and everybody’s behavior is subject to regulation within systems of gender. While I think that gender dualism is very relevant to how bisexuality is understood, my thinking is more that bisexuality won’t be a non-issue until gender dualism is undermined, and less that the very existence of bisexuals inevitably results in the undermining of gender dualism. This paper also seems guided by the goal of uncovering intrinsic and maybe unilateral subversiveness in certain groups of people, and I’ve grown kinda w(e)ary of that.

#biphobia #lesbophobia #shiri eisner #bi notes for a bisexual revolution

24 notes · View notes

stickyartisanwhispers · 3 years

Text

A Scientific Approach

The other day, I was watching a science clip on whether sufficiently advanced robots should've the same rights as humans, or not. Some might say - it's only a piece of metal, it shouldn't. The presenter's opinion was that in such a case, if humans & robots have different hardware but the robot's software is about the same as a human consciousness - then they should've the same rights as humans do.

That reminded me of something. As a kid, if anytime I saw an inefficiency or an error in a system - I'd point it out to my parents readily. They frequently thought of it as an attack on their authority (or their ego), I physically got beaten down for pointing that out. I thought to myself - ok, that didn't work well. I better live a double life apart from them, from here on.

On party days, my elder sister will get all dressed up & do some makeup, then come to me & ask for my opinion - hey, how do I look? If one is naturally cute, trying to be cuter by additional means, sometimes doesn't suit well. That red lipstick might look provocative & one might look like oneself is available in the market. I'd tell her the truth directly as such.

Pretty sure many of her party nights got ruined because of me telling the truth directly to her face. I thought - ok, that didn't work well either.

At school, we didn't have mic for teachers. Most of them compensated for it by speaking louder. One of them had a relatively quieter voice (or maybe he didn't like the physical strain of speaking louder). So he'd just come, sit on a chair in front of the class - and just take the class in his quiet voice.

What often happened in the process is that only the front few rows could hear him. Most of the back rows would first try to hear him - but couldn't, so then they just started gossiping or playing games with each other, or some just fell asleep.

I noticed that on a few occasions. In the absence of a mic (or a tin mic), or avoiding the hassle of shifting half of the class in rotation continuously, or to avoid putting others in the physical strain of standing for an hour to come gather around him & listen to him, probable options were -

a) He sits at about the midpoint instead of in front of the class, making some space by shifting the benches a bit, so that both the front half & the back half of the class can hear him equally.

b) He can take the class in a moving manner, walking (instead of sitting) across the aisles among the bench rows, shifting continuously so ensuring a fairer distribution of his lecture to all parts of a class.

(He was a bit bulky, so a bit of exercising in the form of walking would also serve him better in terms of physical fitness/cardiac health)

When I proposed him the solutions - suffice it to say he wasn't happy at all, I was lucky that I didn't get any physical punishment. I thought - ok, that didn't work well in any setting.

Eventually, I learnt to just remain silent in almost every setting of life & just get used to murky water. My belief got enforced that maybe a double life remains a probable solution.

But I don't think the world is operating in an ideal approach. Other approaches might be possible.

Say, my last experiment on sensory deprivation didn't work well. Perhaps the salt concentration wasn't right, or it wasn't dark enough, or maybe 5HT receptors need to be tapped in conjunction too.

To fix whatever the issue is that resulted in a failed trial, first I've to be able to identify the underlying issues accurately of why & where it went wrong, much like in a scientist mode - then make the necessary changes there accordingly, to increase the likelihood of making it work in my next attempt. Say by trying different salt concentrations, or adding nightcaps on top of it, or utilizing 5HT receptors in addition in my next attempts.

If one can't gauge his mistakes accurately & honestly first - he won't be able to make the appropriate changes to make the experiment work in successive trials. Likelihood is he'll just decide midway - well, the process just doesn't work in itself. While the truth is the process actually works, but he isn't ready to identify & make the changes necessary himself.

I tend to think of life & the world as a giant experiment too (maybe nature itself is experimenting all the time). Ok, I made this errors (or mistakes) in my earlier trials so it didn't work. Instead of getting upset or angry about why it didn't work, I can use that data to make the necessary changes to my experiments (or myself) to make it work in my subsequent trials. If I don't give up, do this continually, keep experimenting, keep making changes - eventually, it can work.

If the world operated in this manner - it'd be a much simpler & easier place to live.

I get that telling some things to someone might be rude, like how someone's bald spot is growing (as how it was rude of me to tell my sister directly what didn't suit her well). But in some contexts, telling him about that might be ok (sometimes even necessary) -

a) If he doesn't do team playing/working well with others (say women), or avoids working with others as much as he can, perhaps 'coz of a self-consciousness about balding or sometimes even a reality (originating from a self-limiting thought of how he's not suited for some situations).

b) He isn't fully confident or mindful during his presentations, or meetings, or while dealing with his clients. (sometimes if his performance is suffering in a public setting 'coz of that)

c) He's suffering in his dating/personal life ('coz of one issue), in consequence, the frustration (& extra energy) is causing him to sometimes lash out on his colleagues - or take it out on employees working for him (subordinates). Both of the instances, in turn, might be ruining their collective work mood/performance. Which, in turn, is affecting the whole organization's net output in terms of work/performance/quality.

(These days, there're multiple treatment options available so it's not much of an issue anymore, or shaved head can also be a good style for men)

If it's rude to talk about it openly & directly, talk about it in person or privately. Or dial it down during the conversation. Or do it in an affectionate manner & present solutions first. Or talk about it some other time when away from the work, maybe in a casual setting - in a mild, gentle, affectionate manner and presenting solutions & benefits first (instead of addressing it directly).

In a dialed down mild manner, in a cause & effect way, allow him see how a boost in his self-esteem can make his dating life better (then presenting the solutions) - which, in turn, will also make his work life for himself & others better. While how doing nothing about it (also in a cause & effect way) might be affecting his/colleagues'/subordinates' work performance.

(One can be a colleague/boss in work life, but it doesn't mean that one can't be a friend in personal life. If you make someone better in his life outside of work, it's likely his work life will get better too. The best way to that is to make it a habit of genuinely caring about others, makes it easier to see their problems & solutions naturally)

I like the idea of radical transparency quite much. From a scientific perspective - it makes perfect sense. It used to be my default mode in my earliest life. But childhood & life experiences with more people (in relevant culture), made me realize perhaps in general people aren't fully cut out/ready yet, for this way. For the most part (in relevant culture), they seem to prefer a dialed down version of it.

Perhaps, it's time to wake up.

#science #openness

1 note · View note

nerdygaymormon · 4 years

Note

what do you think about the new handbook?

In January 2016 I received a calling that gave me access to the Church’s Handbooks and I was surprised at the amount of specific things in there on which I had never considered the Church having an official position. I imagine a lot of people are having that experience this week.

I’m glad the Church made the Handbook available to everyone, it’s a move towards transparency. Before this, people were being held to standards or facing processes that only their leaders could access.

I appreciate that in some areas there’s better framework and clarity, but am sad that it often came in the form of being more restrictive or not in line with modern science.

I’m going to outline the changes and add a few comments. ’ll put my opinion about all of this at the end, so if that’s what you want to see, scroll to the bottom.

—————————————————————

Miscellaneous

The Handbook covers a lot of information, so I’m certain in the days and weeks ahead more new things will be discovered. But for now, here’s some assorted policies.

Sacrament

We’re supposed to take the Sacrament with our right hands

The wording that young men are encouraged, but not required, to wear a white shirt and tie is gone. All males who pass the Sacrament are asked to be clean and well groomed.

For a long time, which hand to use has been considered a personal choice, and some associated special meaning by using their right hand.

In February 2019, Elder Oaks saw some youth take the Sacrament with the left hand and he gave a short lecture that went viral telling these kids they were wrong, and now it’s official policy in the Handbook.

Dress Standards

The Relief Society Presidency is to teach dress standards to the sisters so their appearance and clothing show reverence and respect at Church and at the temple.

These are adult women!!! They can’t figure this out for themselves? It mentions ostentatious jewelry and casual clothes without any examples of what this means. I’m afraid some leaders will enforce their personal opinions, such as pants are verboten.

Also this section included a comment about ostentatious jewelry. What is that? Having 2 earrings in 1 ear?

—————————————————————

Discipline

Disciplinary councils have been renamed “Membership Councils”

People no longer are disfellowshipped or excommunicated. They have “formal membership restrictions” or “withdrawal of membership”

Does away with the unequal disciplinary structure for adult men vs adult women.

Before, men who were endowed had a disciplinary council at the stake level. Everyone else had a disciplinary council held by their bishopric.

Now anyone who is endowed and likely to have their Church membership withdrawn will have a stake membership council. Everyone else has a ward membership council for serious sins & actions

At the ward level, membership councils still function the same (the bishopric holds a council with the person whose membership is at risk).

At the stake level, the council now is similar to the way it works at the ward level (the stake presidency meets, without the high council also being involved).

The individual’s bishops can sit in on the council. The individual can also choose for the Elders Quorum or Relief Society President to sit in on the council.

Same-sex marriage is no longer apostasy

Apostasy has been removed from a list of reasons to hold a membership council. Instead it is on a case-by-case basis.

The stake president can place informal membership restrictions on the person and the stake president counsels with the Area Presidency (which are Seventy) about anything more than that, such as a membership council

The language is softer but the results are the same.

I like that men & women are treated equally in this new system. It always struck me wrong that most men in the church automatically had a council of 15 men and women had 3 men.

The reversal of the 2015 Policy of Exclusion finally made it to the Handbook.

—————————————————————

Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Same-Sex Attracted

Families & members should be sensitive, love and respectful of people who are gay, lesbian & bi

Sexual activity with someone of the same gender is on the same level as an unmarried sex.

Membership councils are optional in these cases, based on the leader’s discretion.

As long as an LGBTQ member is “striving” to live the law of chastity, they’re allowed to hold a calling and temple recommend

“Sexual cohabitation” used to be forbidden, now it’s “cohabitation”. So I guess gay people living together is a problem regardless of whether they have sex. I do know of a few couples who live together, but have given up sex in order to be temple worthy. I guess that’s no longer an option.

The mormonandgay website was done away with and some of the items moved to a new page titled “Same-Sex Attraction.”

Most of the links on this new page don’t work. I’m sure this will get fixed

Most of the “resources” from the old page aren’t on the new page.

The last 4 video stories of members from the former site are on the new site.

Credit for finally making this page available in languages other than English.

I wonder if it will still say it’s okay to identify using the terms gay, bi or lesbian.I know President Oaks prefers the phrase “same-sex attraction” and a lot of his influence is seen in the new Handbook changes.

The best section of the previous site was a collection of 17 members who are gay, bi and lesbian (well, 2 of them are parents of gay kids). Hearing them tell their story in their own words was powerful. Most of them have asked for their video to be removed.

The only stories remaining are 2 people in a mixed-orientation marriage and 2 parents who have a gay son. Each of those 4 members now has multiple videos (Laurie, Laurie’s husband, Laurie’s bishop, Laurie’s friend).

The experience of most LGB people in the Church is now absent from this page, which again confirms for me that this has been a site for leaders & family, not actual members who are bisexual, lesbian or gay.

—————————————————————

Transgender

Preferred names can be noted in your membership record and Church leaders are encouraged to use them.

People can also to ask others to use their chosen pronouns

Elective surgical or medical intervention (which I believe means hormone treatment) for the purpose of transitioning, and social transitioning will result in membership restrictions.

These restrictions include not getting to exercise the priesthood, receiving or using a temple recommend, and receiving some Church callings

Even if the hormone therapy is prescribed by a medical professional to ease gender dysphoria or reduce suicidal thoughts, membership restrictions will result

Transgender people who don’t transition can have Church callings & temple recommends

Gender is defined as “biological sex at birth.”

This is recorded on Church records and determines whether someone can receive the priesthood and how they experience the temple ordinances

Transgender people & their family are welcome to attend Sunday church meetings and social events

There is now a page for transgender people, just as there has been for LGB people

This whole section of the Handbook makes me sad because it reduces these members to being a mistake and they need to choose a side. Nevermind they were born this way and have complex lives, they need to look and act like a cishet member.

I’d love if the church leaders could show scriptural backing & the words of the Savior to justify their views on trans folks other than the Family Proclamation.

Credit to the Church for switching from “transsexual” to “transgender

While trans people are welcome to attend the 2nd hour of church, no guidance was given about if they can choose either Relief Society or Elders Quorum

It’s problematic to define gender being as your biological sex at birth. If gender is eternal, why is “at birth” needed? A doctor or nurse assigns a biological sex at birth by taking a look at the newborn’s external genitals. This is only 1 of 5 markers of gender. A doctor or a nurse is not God.

5 components of biological sex

external genitalia

inner reproductive anatomy

sex hormones

chromosomes

gonad differentiation (gonad secretions cause sex-specific patterns in many other tissues & the brain)

This section of the Handbook still speaks of gender as binary–you’re either male or female and trans. Genderfluid, nonbinary, or any acknowledgement of a spectrum doesn’t exist.

To say a trans person will face consequences for social transitioning is really troubling. What does “social transitioning” mean? Do pronouns count as “social transitioning?” Long or short hair? If people must dress according to gender stereotypes, then it seems like leadership is more concerned about the feelings of the 99 and not the health & well being of the 1.

Why is it only transgender members who have a ban on these surgeries? Lots of breast enhancements, reductions and mastectomies take place every month with not a whiff of interest by church leaders, but if it’s done to affirm one’s gender identity, then it’s forbidden, even if it’s life saving.

It did make me feel queasy to read that even if medical or surgical intervention is prescribed by medical professionals to deal with gender dysphoria or suicidal thoughts, too bad, we’re still going to punish you. What kind of monsters came up with this?

—————————————————————

Intersex, aka People Whose Sex isn’t Clear at Birth

The Handbook says the incident rate of intersex is extremely rare

Questions about membership records, priesthood ordination and temple ordinances for youth or adults who were born with sexual ambiguity should be directed to the Office of the First Presidency.

This is the first I’ve seen Intersex given their own section in the Handbook.

While policies about LGBT people are listed as “moral issues”, the section on intersex people is under “medical and health policies.” That’s a good sign, it means that the medical profession determines what is best, not a church leader.

I appreciate that church takes this out of the hands of local leadership. It’s a complex issue that untrained people shouldn’t get to have say over.

The Church assumes that surgical & medical intervention is needed for this group of people. Unfortunately it implies the default is to do so in infancy or early childhood when current best practices would be delaying, if possible, until the individual can weigh in on their body & identity.

The idea that intersex is rare, well that depends on what they consider rare.

The rate could be as high as 2% of the population or as low as 1 in 2000.

If we think of that in terms of Church congregations, it suddenly seems not so rare.

In North America, a ward must have 300 members. If 1%-2% are intersex, that’s a couple people in each congregation.

If we go with the lowest rate of 1 in 2000, consider that in the US & Canada a stake requires a minimum of 3000 members. So 1 or 2 members per stake would be intersex.

—————————————————————

I think these changes show that the Church is willing to include queer people up to a point. We can feel & be the person we believe ourselves to be as long as we don’t actually act in a way that affirms who we are.

We are to be loved, respected and welcomed, however these homophobic and transphobic policies remain in place. Love & respect is more than smiling & being nice to someone.

The policies of the Church regarding queer people is out of line with science. As science continues to advance and confirm that gender identities and sexual orientations are real and biological and not changeable by will, the tension for the Church on these topics will continue to grow.

“The only clear line I draw these days is this: when my religion tries to come between me and my neighbor, I will choose my neighbor. Jesus never commanded me to love my religion.” -Rev. Barbara Brown Taylor

Considering Jesus admonishes us again and again to love each other and that we are all alike to God, I can only guess that Jesus wept. Again.

#handbook #tumblrstake #queerstake

108 notes · View notes

cristalknife · 3 years

Text

On Comments, feedback anxiety on both the writer and the reader’s side

If one could look into my WIP draw, or take a glance at the fics I’ve actually posted, it becomes clear misunderstandings based on miscommunication is something I seem have a thing for. In all honesty is more of a lifelong study and recurring theme I keep stumbling on or consciously walking into. Preface: I am only human and mistakes can happen, but usually I try to handle the detailed label (also referred as Read the Tin or as written on the tin) of major warning with my writings that is usually missing in any other aspect of life, sort of a lovely user manual/preview so one could know to walk away before getting invested or worse triggered.

Or at least know exactly what they signed up for.

Is it perfect? No but at least it’s there, as a writer I did all I could to avoid unpleasantness, the rest it’s up to the reader’s discretion. Which leads me to the heart of this post: comments, feedbacks, criticism, politically correctness, manners and the anxiety they produce in both the writer and the reader.

The picture is big so I’ll divide in sides, but remember that people are made of multiple sides, and sometimes those sides are at odds or outwardly warring against each other. That’s pretty average for any irrational human being with emotions.

From the POV of an overthinking anxious writer:

1) Ao3′s Kudos are sort of like a watered down thumbs up, after about 4-5 fic posted (or ~15K words of stories out there to be consumed), they became the kind of anxiety triggers feeding thoughts of why so many people/guests left a kudo but the story wasn’t good enough to warrant the time of a comment/review 2) Comments are lovely reminder someone found something in your words that made them react so strongly they felt like sharing that reaction with you was worth their time.

2.1) Comments are also the cause of anxiety about their content before you have the courage to read what they says...

3) Criticisms and feedbacks can be a wonderful tool to improve your writing for the next story. But not if they are laced with insult, personal attacks in that case they are the kind of black hole that pushes people to stop writing all together, or at least stop sharing what they write.

4) single emoji (♥), 2 char long (<3) comments takes years of effort and a lot of conditioning to remember to slip in reader mode and appreciate the effort it took to stop and do even that, instead of allowing doubts to gnaw at the back of your head with waaaiiiiit that’s all? was it good? was it bad? arrrghhh what does it even mean???

5) Statistics and numbers, those are the evilest of the most buggering things and the most vile tempters that will push you to compare your stories against others (a futile exercise in frustration and pointless reason to shred one’s own self confidence to the tiniest of pieces for literally nothing)

5.1) Especially when you have two writing mind frames:

writing the stories you want to read (and usually it is either a niche where you’ve already consumed all you could find so you write it because duh, more content might ignite back the fire please, or you haven’t found yet someone to say it how you want to read it) vs what I simply call

exorcism writing (the kind of free therapy exercise when something is bugging the heck out you and not leaving your mind so you put it down to words and then let them fly free, instead of trapping them on a diary you’d just return to read and start the vicious cycle all over again)

5.1.1) and your exorcism stories become more popular than the stories you want to read, because at the end of your raw ranting exorcism you managed to write something that would end up falling within mainstream tropes. Which just makes you sad because those were not the result of love and planning and endless hours of writing and editing that you put in your other stories.

6) I’m not writing fan fiction to be an educator, it is possible that my day job is being an educator, but unless I’m there writing textbooks, as a writer it is not my responsibility to teach the reader something that has to be authentic, realistic and a good practice. I’m just here to tell a story. Or are you really telling me that you watch superheros movies and series and expect them to appear outside your window? If you just laughed then why are you looking at fanfic smut with the expectation of finding a more interesting and alternative way to have a sex ed lesson? If you subscribe to the school that a story has has to make sense... Let me ask have you ever read some of the greatest literature works like Frankenstain, Moby Dick, The Hobbit, Journey to the center of the Earth, Alice through the looking glass, Aeneas, if you did and subscribe to “fiction as to make sense” then please please enlighten me I’m rady to sit back and hear all the points you can make how any of those are realistic representations of how things go. If you says that those are just stories told oh so long ago... Lets pick more recent ones, the Harry Potters books, Goosebumps, Twilight, The Shadowhunters Chronicles, 50 shades of , all those are listed as fiction which yes sadly too many used as a portrait of theme touched in there as realistic because the story was not set in a fantastical world and made the mistake of treating a work of fiction as a documentary... Sorry people I’m a writer, choosing the right words matters, words meanings and definitions matter please learn to think critically, and learn your words, there is a difference between fiction and documentary 6.1) At the same time it might be that I am the kind of writer who loves to add factually authentic things in my writings, someone who actually had spent hours and hours on research to make sure that what they have been writing is not utter and complete made up rubbish, and that’s ok too. I do not expect readers to assume it is correct or that it is purely made up, and if someone is curious they could use the comment to ask a question, I’ve never turned out a curious question, even when it was difficult to answer it

7) Just because I am writing about something, it doesn’t mean I support it... Again those are stories, not a scientific report on a lab experiment, I can write about abusive relationships, doesn’t mean I support them, I could write about self harm or depression, doesn’t mean I am encouraging those behaviors, in fact those usually come with a Trigger Warning, why? because a reader should have the option to walk away from what should be just a moment of pleasure and relax, not finding themselves triggered because I didn’t want to spoil the surprise of what was going to come in a story posted on the internet... 8) This far I’ve personally chosen to not push for comment, no beg necessary, I decided years ago to be the kind of self centered bad ass who writes for themselves, who’s not going to dangle the promises of more chapters in exchange for comments, I dislike the practice, and I find too exhausting shouting left and right hey hey I’ve written this read it read it... So I do get why my stories do not have such a large audience, it doesn’t help I’ve actually posted way less than what I’ve written over the years. I do welcome comments, though I have no clue on how to respond to short ones, or a single emoji/<3 to all chapters to those I end up answering only to the most recent one of that person and thank for their support. Longer comments are easier to answer because it gives me something to say back or comment/thanks for, though it becomes weird for me when someone speculate on future developments in what they wish to see, and since I’ve recently adopted the policy of posting only completed stories (even for the chaptered ones that will not be posted at the same time, the number of total chapter is not an estimation it is exactly the number of files I’ve divided the story into for reasons) because I do know whether something of that sort will happen or not, and I don’t want to put someone out of my story if they are too invested in see what they imagined happen... Though as I do write stories I’d like to read I’m quick to encourage aspiring writers to feel free to take that what if and work with it, just to please mention that my story inspired theirs and that I’d love to see what they come up with. Constructive criticisms, I do not have a beta for most of my works, I do not work too well depending on other people’s time, I confess even in the past I received criticisms that were not constructive if we push the boundaries and call those criticisms rather than just plain old complains, which is sort of the reason why I stopped explicitly encouraging communication. Because I do expect respect, you don’t know anything about me or what I believe in, you might make some guesses from my profile because I haven’t been shy and pretty open on them, but I won’t accept being personally attacked or talked to in a disrespectful manner just because you didn’t like what I wrote. I have no problem accepting criticisms, as long as they are criticisms and not just whining. You cannot come to me with “I hate your story” and leave it at that, you already took the time to express your opinion instead of simply walking away, the least you can do is explaining why... Otherwise I seriously don’t get why you wasted both of yours and more importantly my time and energies... From the POV of a spoonie reader who barely has the energy to read: 1) Ao3′s Kudos are a life saver that allows you to show your appreciation (even if you are allowed only one as registered user) with only a click (and some times even that click takes so much out of you) instead of relegating you to invisible reader, barely visible number (*coughs*ff.net*coughs*) or forcing you to make a story a favorite/followed

2) Comments are the source of anxiety, because you might want to show support but would they get that or would it sound strange? will the author understand that a a ghsafdgsakdjfh (read: key smash) happened with excitement and love and you’ve no other words to express it? 2.1) also trying to put your support in words when you are in your pj cozily being a blanket burrito and reading from your phone in bed because there’re no more spoon left for the day it’s hard

3) The author asked for R&R, or welcomes comments and constructive criticism. You loved the story enough to spend energies to

point out things that were plain plot hole or downright inconsistency or lose ends, pointing out botched translations from your own mother tongue and offering correction that were not google translated, in ao3 case pointing out lack of some appropriate tags, which would have 1 improved your story’s visibility and 2 allowed the reader to choose whether they wanted to read it or not both points that would have benefit you as author...

Only for the author to react:

- badly with a why are you such a nitpick hadn’t anyone told you that you should just stay silent if you have nothing nice to tell me? - Excuse me you’re the one asking for my opinion not my adoration, I gave you exactly what you asked for, if you cannot handle your work being nitpicked or the holes in your plot being publicly poked then there’re fabulous people called Beta reader who will give you the needed dose of though love in private get one..

- badly with a don’t like don’t read - legit reader’s counter point is I wouldn’t have read it if you had given me a way to know then what I discovered now [personal addendum, on a not that well low energy day it takes me less about 3 mins and half to read 1.5K words don’t came at me on your 1k long story and tell me I could have stopped reading when I noticed it wasn’t that good for me...I was done with it before I could get any warning]

- dismissively because a meet cute clearly is an AU - Bless your heart if you need me to point out to you that there is a difference between an Alternative Universe (AU) and a Canon Divergence and the fact that meet cute is a trope which in fandoms usually implies different circumstances within the fandom’s canon world of the first meeting between the characters in the main relationship but doesn’t automatically include different premises for the character example:

in canon: characters from a magical supernatural fandom one a wizard with magic, one a fighter with superhuman speed and holy weapons, in their first meeting the fighter saved the wizard’s life.

in a meet cute: a wizard and a fighter with superhuman speed and holy weapons meet in the middle of the forest where the fighter was hunting for food failing miserably and the wizard took pity on the fighter and offered to share their dinner, if the fighter dared to step inside the wizard’s home

in a No Power/Human AU meet cute: where there is no magic, one of the two is a barista who uses flirty coffee jokes lines to call the other’s person order, and finally discover they are an accountant so instead they start using math puns to get the accountant’s attention.

Those are all valid stories but as an author don’t came at me believing that just because you mention a trope that is enough to distinguish between the 2° and 3° examples, or that having mentioned the trope gives you the standing to look down at me if I do have my own reasons that you do not know about for wanting to read only stories like the second pitch and get upset but still tell you in a polite way that there are missing tags in your story, especially when you’ve falsely advertise your 3° like pitch as if it was a 2° one and I get upset and let you know about it and do so with the curtesy of signing it with my name rather than leave an guest/anonymous comment

- shrugging off issues with the tags with a Oh but I’m bad at tagging -

then I have 3 things to say to you buddy one) that’s not an excuse if you haven’t learnt how to do it yourself get a beta, get a friend, read more and compare what your story tells with a similar one and how that one is tagged, there’re ways Ignorance is not an excuse;

two) you can’t claim you’re bad at tagging but then refuse to listen when someone is pointing out to you more tags for your story, dud learn how search engines work, searching by tag is basically having a filtered search, the more tags your fit your story the more venues your story can appear in reader’s search for something to read... which means visibility for your work, are you really telling me that you dislike to have that and would prefer less people reading what you post? then sorry but I think you’re doing it wrong and should get a diary instead, not post them on the internet.

addendum: still claiming to be bad at it after having posted over 40 stories and all posted in recent times in the span of a couple of months, just suggest you lack the intelligence to learn how to do things. Which only encourages me to never ever get close to your works, certainly to never promote or share them if not actively discouraging my friends from spending their time on them.

three) and guess what? there is a frikking I'm Bad At Taggingtag for that too!!!

As a reader I might be ranting in this post, but the long effect of those is a growing apathy and increased unwillingness to spend my energies for commenting unless I’d really really really really liked or loved a story, or I have something more than a one liner to share, which while I intellectually know it might be unfair to let the whole pay for the disrespect of few, my own survival instinct is glad I’m not spreading myself even thinner...

truthful disclaimer: in all fairness it has been my experience, that those reactions usually come from authors with already quite few stories or a decent word count out there.

New authors are still very much enthusiastic and happy about even the smallest crumbs of recognition or encouragement, which in return is lovely because it recognise that my own time and energy as reader are worthy, that it does take effort to share an opinion or encouragement or suggestion.

4) The author might never know how that day I posted that single emoji, or two character <3, it was one of those bad days when even opening a small water bottle to swallow down the painkillers was too much, when using a finger to scroll down the page to reach the end of the story had wiped out more energies than I could really afford and yet I still pushed myself to leave a sign that I was there and appreciated their story

5) readers should be allowed to have the “if you thought writing was hard, try commenting other people words” tag... because sometimes especially on older platforms (yes ff.net I’m looking at you) as a reader I can’t find the energies to wipe up something to say so I become a silent invisible reader. And sometimes it’s really that I am able to stand only stories with certain characteristics, personally for example I do not have the emotional fortitude to read more a certain amount of Work In Progress at the same time across multiple fandoms because my brain can’t recall all the details and I might not feel to rereading the story from the beginning every single time there is a new chapter... 6) Maybe it’s because I’m way out of my teens, maybe it’s because even in my teens and before stories were my safe place, my escape, I do not expect things to be factually correct in stories, but I am a logic driven person, I will see those plot holes and I might even poke through 'em if I find your story good enough that I feel it would be a pity not pointing those things out. You cannot tell a classic vampire story (not the twilight kind of sun sparkling vampires but the sun burn me to ashes kind) and have your group of vampires prancing about at noon of a clear summer day without some sort of reason for that to work. I promise you, I’m not picky, I will accept ridiculous reasons like they were standing under and umbrella covered from head to toes and none of their skin was exposed to the sunlight, but do put the effort to give me a reason why I should believe it was intentional, or do not cry and complain if I do decide to point out dude you’ve normal vampires that are sunbathing and did not become piles of ashes that’s not plausible... 7) Stories are just that, something to listen to, they don’t have to have a moral for them to be worthy of being shared, they don’t have to be a mirror of your thoughts, or they could be a mirror of your beliefs, and if I am commenting on them I’m commenting on the story itself not your connection to it. And I do need you to advertise in advance if there’re things that might be triggerish, because what might be just a mental exercise of stepping outside your shoes, if not done might result in me walking into a panic attack while maybe I was just recuperating for one and trying to find comfort or a distraction. While I as a reader cannot know you author and where you come from, unless you want to make an ass of u and me do not assume you know where I am or what path I’m walking in my life as a reader. 8) I despise people telling me what to do, especially if I didn’t ask for an opinion... If someone (who doesn’t have an economical or authorative position over me) demands me to do something the chances I’ll be do it, especially if I was going to do it before, become nil instantaneously. I’ve been running and lurking in writing circles and fanfictions for closer to three decades at the time this is being written, and from the very beginning I found disgusting and deplorable the practice some authors adopted of bargaining reaching certain numbers of comments/kudos in exchange for the next chapter. I can respect an author saying I don’t want to get this or that, but the final result is that most likely I would walk away without commenting even if it would have been a story I would have otherwise supported. There’re few authors I do know personally, at least superficially through other channels, that have this kind of disclaimers and I still comment. But that’s because I have an appreciation and will to support the person themselves who also happened to be authors.

#long post #LLF inspired #LLF Comment Project related #comments and feedbacks #personal rant #listing differences #between what I write and what I believe #between what is fic and what is reality #between writer and reader mentality #between writing the stories you want to read and exorcism writing #talked about with a pinch of humour #ok maybe dark humour #have I spent hours and probably more spoon on this than it was healthy?#probably so #but it was worth it #or so i hope

2 notes · View notes

dancinginadaydream · 4 years

Text

ANGSTY DRACO AND HARRY HEADCANONS ((TW))

so im writing this with caution. these are some *really* sad and possibly TRIGGERING headcanons for some. but they've been bouncing round my head for days (i fckn thrive on angst and sad shit) so i wanted to share.

triggering themes to be aware of before reading ARE:

alcohol abuse

drugs; cocaine misuse

eating disorders; anorexia

self-harm; cutting

suicidal ideations

imprisonment

hints at abuse

rough sex

if any of these topics trigger you, i urge you to use your own judgement and exercise caution. please do not read these headcanons if you fear they will trigger you and/or you cannot read things like this. i have given you all these warnings so they don't just appear out of the blue. I have added the keep reading option so that nobody sees them accidentally. The last thing I want is for people to be triggered by even having to scroll past and catching a glimpse of it. Please take care of your mental health!

most of these are headcanons for draco because i just fckn love draco and think about his life more than any other characters.

ive put a lot of thought into these. ofc i accept constructive criticism and would be happy for healthy debate if anyone disagrees with any of my hc's!

DRACO MALFOY:

draco suffers from anorexia. as a slytherin, he desires control over situations (particularly his own). however, his entire life has essentially been mapped out for him and he has lost a lot of his control over his life. as a result of this, when he was around thirteen and had a little more control over his outward appearance, draco started to obsess over his body image. nothing was every quite right. he decided to take control over that and make it to his vision of perfect. so he didn't eat unless he absolutely had to, or he was in important company and his father told him he had to keep up appearances, and even then he would go for a jog and feel ultimately guilty for it afterwards. this ended up worsening during his sixth year of school. all draco wanted was to have some control and often it felt that the only control he truly had was his body image,

draco was imprisoned in azkaban for a year following the trials and the war. it doesn't sit right with me that the malfoys got it lightly, they still did wrong. but draco was only imprisoned for a few months to a year to set an example and to teach him a lesson. he then spent two years on probation/parole. of course he knew that he'd done wrong, he accepted the punishment and it nearly destroyed him,

following his imprisonment in azkaban, draco pretty much changed his entire perspective- he smeared the feared malfoy name according to his father. draco became an activist for muggles and muggleborns, supporting hermione in securing more rights for them. he had intense amounts of guilt for what happened and his imprisonment made him realise that. he had a lot of time to reflect on the man he knew he should become,

after azkaban, draco essentially looked like machine gun kelly. he got a nose piercing, he covered himself in tattoos (mainly to distract from the dark mark on his arm) and he tended to kick about in muggle clothes (like a baggy jumper, hoodies, skinny jeans, doc martens, converse etc). of course that would all settle down as his anger towards his father and family settled. it was an initial act of rebellion to what his family stood for that he didn't agree with,

despite trying to do good in the world and support hermione in her multitude of causes, draco was still haunted by the ideals he grew up with. so he turned to drug abuse, namely cocaine, to distract his mind and still feel a buzz instead of depression. the cocaine addiction also becomes part of his anorexia, leaving him without food because he feels he doesn't need it,

throughout school, draco was a self-harmer. he would cut his thighs to have some form of relief. the reasons for this were almost always depression, but were triggered by individual events such as; not getting a perfect score on an essay (fear of punishment from his father), the issues with his body image, the forceful nature of his parents, the rise of the dark lord, dealing with his sexuality (i see draco as exclusively gay, but tries to be heterosexual for his family's sake and that has a lot of issues within itself). the self-harm subsided after azkaban and when he'd discovered the effects of cocaine (which could be argued that his addiction to coke was in itself an act of self-harm).

basically, no one punishes draco more than himself for his role in the war

HARRY POTTER

harry's never had a normal, easy life. he's either been abused by his aunt and uncle, or he's been fighting the dark lord and his goonies for the entirety of his school career. so after the war, things are settled for him. he's famous, he's being handed things for free, he's got the job he wanted, but he's not happy. because most of his formative years he was constantly fighting to make the wizarding world a better place, the sudden calm and quiet post-war has caused him some major depression issues. this it not to say harry wasn't depressed and anxious before, it's merely been amplified post-war. after the war he experiences feelings of worthlessness and paranoia. he's both ready and not ready to fight again. the world isn't the same and he's not settling well into the new way of living, the calm. his feelings of worthlessness accumulate and harry's friends and family are essentially on suicide watch for a few years post-war. they're worried that harry is going to kill himself. not only is harry suffering with feelings of worthlessness, he has survivors guilt. so many people died in the war and he blames himself. he should have been the only death, in his opinion. he's stubborn so won't believe any of his friends when they say that it's not his fault they died. he's attempted suicide a few times when the survivor's guilt gets too much and due to this he cannot live alone, his friends always have someone with him,

harry becomes an alcoholic post-war. its his way of dealing with things. he rely's heavily on alcohol for the feeling of numbness. it started out, in his opinion, as harmless fun but he became reliant on it. it becomes a problem and on top of his suicidal ideations, his friends are unbelievably worried. they eventually manage to get him into rehab and he becomes sober, but then he turns his self-depreciation onto something else,

sleeping with draco began as a way of releasing anger and sexual tension. they started sleeping with each other after meeting at a wizarding club - draco was coked out and harry was drunk (probably on something too). their sex started in club bathrooms, anywhere dirty and messy because they just didn't care. then when they eventually went somewhere with a bed (hotel room, one of their flats), the sex became angry and was extremely rough (choking, spanking, scratching, slapping, hair pulling). the type of sex they had was bordering destructive as a result of their pent up anger at the world and each other. but after both of them became sober from their addictions, they continued seeing each other and it blossomed into something special and caring. of course they still had rough sex, but they had plenty of aftercare instead of a rough fuck and go,

not entirely related to the headcanons, can be separated or go hand in hand, but transgender harry potter. imagine harry growing up known as "the girl who lived" and it caused a lot of dysphoria growing up in a world being reminded that he wasn't cisgendered. he came out and the majority of hogwarts was accepting (even draco, he may be a dick but not that much. he would stop bullying harry using she/her pronouns and then use he/him). imagine harry constantly being reminded that he was the girl who lived. after the war, they started coining him as the boy who lived, but there were still pockets of people who refused to accept him as trans.

basically, the reasons i have these headcanons is because i don't think draco or harry would be entirely okay afterwards. they suffered a lot of trauma in the years leading to, during, and post war. that would have massive effects on their mental health and there's no way they would continue being arrogant and cocky - internally at least. they could be that way externally as a result of their trauma, anger at the world, and the need to make people believe they haven't been affected as much.

#draco malfoy #harry potter #draco #malfoy #harry #potter #angst #drarry #wizarding world of harry potter #punk draco #suicidal harry potter

18 notes · View notes

concerningwolves · 4 years

Note

I'm really sorry for this question but I kinda need an opinion from a writer. Basically I've wrote this story and it's basically finished. I edited it, re-read it, polished it. Generally speaking it's finished: the story is consistent, the pacing is okay, the characters work. Everything should be fine, but I find lots of gripes with how it's written, with the style itself (except for a few scenes which I think are okay). So I want to ask: in a situation like this, would you rewrite the story?

Hey Nonny, there’s no need to be sorry! I am a writing blog, and I never mind giving advice :)

WHEN A FINISHED STORY FEELS UNFINISHED

Rewriting it again is one option - and if that feels right, definitely go for it! But a very real problem with writing is that everything exists inside your own head, and it’s difficult to work out how it feels to approach it as a reader. When I find myself in this situation, I like to follow one or all of these three steps:

rewrite or recreate your story in a different format

Take a break and work on something else

Seek out beta-readers

To expand on these points:

1) REWRITE/RECREATE IN A DIFFERENT FORMAT

Taking your story out of its original context helps you to get a new perspective on it, which is exactly what’s needed if you want to work out what doesn’t feel right. This can be anything from drawing a story-board to rewriting in a different medium. If I originally wrote the story by hand, I type it up; if I wrote it on a laptop, I rewrite it by hand. But that’s just how I like to do it. You could also try breaking down the scenes you’re unhappy with into a script or as a dialogue-only story. Since your gripes are more about style, this method might not appeal to you so much - but it gives you space to think about the story without worrying about your writing style, which is extremely liberating. Sometimes you just need to separate your storytelling from your writing style and that’s okay.

There’s also this idea that if you rewrite something, rewrite it entirely or not at all. This method has its uses, (I find it great for moving on to second drafts of longer pieces), but sometimes it’s only one section or one scene that you want to meddle with. Drafting several variations of the same scene is a totally valid way of rewriting - which is also why I like to use different formats when rewriting. Back when WDWW was just a collection of short stories, I re-drafted one of them as a flow-chart, because that was a versatile medium and let me work out what I wanted to change and what I wanted to keep without cutting into the story I had already written.

This is also supposed to be a fun exercise: you don’t have to recreate your story perfectly, you just need to get it down so you can see how it all comes together. You might make a sketchy story-board with stick figures and realise that the order of events is wrong, or you might write out the dialogue and realise it doesn’t fit with the action. Try different approaches and find out what works for you.

2) TAKE A BREAK AND DO SOMETHING ELSE

The key to a successful rewrite is a clear head. Period. You can’t force yourself to keep working on a story when you’re completely saturated with it and expect good results. This is particularly true of the finer craft details like your writing style and word choices. Working on some other creative endeavour for a bit lets you come back to your story later on with a clear head. It also stops you getting burnt out, which kills a story faster than anything else.

How long your break is is entirely up to you. Stephen King, in his book On Writing, says he leaves his novels for at least a month and does the first draft of something else. Granted, he was talking about how he wrote so many novels, (not just how to write them well), but it’s solid advice. I usually leave short stories for at least two weeks. If you come back to your story after a break and you still feel like you can’t get a good persective, then you may either want to

a) repeat step one

b) try step three, or

c) extend your break.

It’s also worth mentioning that printing out your story (if it isn’t already written by hand) and attacking all the bits you’re not sure about with a chunky black marker is very satisfying. Don’t think you like the word “that” in that sentence? Black it out! Feel like the simile you chose is too cliche or sounds wrong? Black it out! I use this method for rewriting my opening paragraph(s), but it’s fine for all sorts of writing.

3) GET BETA-READERS

Asking people to read your brain-baby is a scary, but hugely worthwhile, experience. As I’ve already said, stories get stuck inside your head; you need to work out how to tell them to other people. An outside perspective is crucial.

“How” and “Why” are probably the most important questions you can ask: beta-readers will think critically about your story, and then you need to think critically about their answers. Ask them questions about HOW certain story aspects made them feel and WHY they felt that way. If their answers catch you by surprise, that could show you what isn’t working in your story. I’ve always found with beta-readers that when a beta’s comment makes me go “Wait, you thought WHAT??”, it’s like my eyes get blown wide open and I can see exactly why I was dissatisfied with a certain passage or scene. Sometimes it didn’t convey what I thought it conveyed, and sometimes it was extra information that added too much clutter to the narrative.

Remember that a beta-reader’s comments will come from personal opinion. This isn’t a bad thing - you want their opinion. It just means that their comments aren’t going to magically fix your story. You need to weigh their opinion against yours, and decide what you want to do about it. Betas also shouldn’t get too critical of your writing style, but they can point out anything that makes little sense, or that reads confusingly.

Once you’ve mulled over what your betas think, either use step one or plunge straight into a re-write, keeping their feedback in mind. Their fresh perspective’s might be just what you need to work out how to finish your story.

Happy writing!

[Ko-Fi | FAQ | Patreon]

#Anonymous #writing advice #writeblr #drafts and revisions #editing your stories

50 notes · View notes

bbq-hawks-wings · 4 years

Text

There are times when we get caught up in black and white, either/or, and all or nothing. We forget sometimes to breathe, step back, and find the gray in between. Sometimes we recognize that those hard lines in the sand are drawn more out of habit than any concrete reasoning we can immediately muster, and that there isn't really a justifiable reason to place such great emphasis on separating the thing in question in the first place. Opinions on evaluations of fictional characters are held in extremes as marks of character and points of contention within fandom far and above what they usually should be.

For many, fandom is a form of escape above mere entertainment. Comfort characters garner a following of people who often share enough commonality to bolster each other and bind them together in support as they cheer on and vicariously live through each and every one of that character's victories. Occasionally, though, these characters can end up having the exact opposite effect.

Even putting my personal feelings about Takami Keigo aside, I've always been fascinated by what he objectively is as an anime character. Though I fully recognize that removing myself from the equation is difficult, if I had to put my impression of what he is in the industry into words I'd say he feels like lightning in a bottle. It's not often in anime I find a character with such an appealing and striking visual design within his own series and next to characters of any other series, alongside such an endearing and clearly defined characterization in the way he's written and the way he acts - the whole combination of which is more powerful than the sum of its parts is something I can only describe as plain and simply "appealing" - and the mundaness of the word betrays the profound extent to which that definition applies. Almost anyone in the world could look at that character with no prior knowledge and say and say, "I like him." Almost anyone who might venture to look a little deeper would probably say at the very least, "Yup, I can appreciate that character exists" even if it stopped there.

There's likely far more of these kinds of characters in anime than I give them credit for, but Hawks has struck a chord with me in particular that resonates far more than most other examples I could think of. He's done the same with many more, I know. I am not the only Hawks-centered meta/analysis blog on this site alone by any stretch of the imagination. I wouldn't be surprised if my own more-often-than-not, self-indulgent interpretation of events has however many more rolling their eyes at my work. I experience the same thing myself on occasion in regards to content I disagree with (all in good faith, please understand - we all have different tastes and viewpoints and that's a good thing), but in this particular context I find something exceptionally bittersweet in it.

For some, it's simply bitter because they place an emotional stake in the ultimate fate of Takami Keigo far above what I do - something that's much more personal and valuable than I often realize; or maybe I do, but those reasons why simply strike far more deep and personal for others than I can personally relate to.

From the very beginning Hawks has been framed in the moral gray of the greater context of the My Hero Academia lore. He is not all good but not all bad. The way he interacts with others comes across as cold and calculating, but his inner thoughts betray a warmth and depth that's deeply endearing. The contrast of the massive good he seeks to do despite the profound wickedness of his upbringing has captured the hearts of many and has them thinking more or less the same thing, "This character has such an undeniable amount of good in his heart that he deserves to end up happy after all the pain he's been through."

"He deserves to be free. He shouldn't have to be alone anymore. He should do what makes him happy, not anyone else." Every single Hawks fan I've heard from has echoed these same core sentiments, though it's taken many forms.

Herein lies the near paradox of his fanbase, ironically befitting his ambiguous nature: the very traits that endear him to individual fans are often the context and lens by which they define the key to the ultimate happiness they want for him, and that spectrum is a wide one to the point of having one of the most diverse dedicated fanbases to a single character I've ever seen.

Just as an easy example, for someone who latched onto the fact he was used like a literal tool for others' gain, they may see the key to Hawks' happiness in rebellion - kicking the system, fighting the man, going apeshit for once next to people who also are tired of being trampled over.

For someone who recognizes his unwavering desire to do good and help others despite his developmental environment may see him being handed the reins of his own life back to him as his ticket - to have the choice of saying yes or no, to be able to keep going or just fly away merely because he wants to.

I have to pause and emphasize that they key to understanding both perspectives is catharsis for the audience in question, and while I have my own opinions as to which is more befitting to the character as written, I am placing equal emphasis on both interpretations as valid reasons to root for the ultimate outcome in each scenario.

This is all in response to comments I've received thanking me for being so steadfast and vocal in my insistence that while Hawks' formal allegiance may change, his heart and the way he feels towards heroes in general will not. I may have my personal preference and own interpretation of what that will look like in the end, but the key takeaway is that I don't see him bucking the entire heart of the hero movement in hopes to get back at the Hero Commission.

However, that isn't to say I don't understand or look down upon those who either genuinely have come to a different conclusion or would just rather see it happen because it would be more satisfying or interesting for them in particular. I also wouldn't be sore if it ended up coming to pass assuming the buildup to that point felt appropriate and genuine as I don't see it as an impossibility for his character. For me, it doesn't have to be a point of contention driving a wedge between different Hawks fans.

So if you ever feel frustrated or upset at the amount of support in your preference or lack thereof in your desired direction, don't let it get to you. While others have their own reasons for wanting the ending they want, the overall result they want from him is more than likely the same as you.

I asked a completely informal poll giving people an either/or ultimatum for where fans personally wanted him to end up, purposely leaving out a potential third option; but the replies I got overwhelmingly echoed the same one regardless of the false either/or I intentionally planted, "I have my preferences for where I want him to end up, but really all I want is for him to be free and do what he wants in the end because it's what HE wants to do."

That's amazing!

Simply by virtue of my own audience or the way it rippled through the community it could be biased in any direction, but when at least HALF of the total responses say, "Neither" in some capacity regardless of a forced preference I think it's safe to say that we all have a lot more in common regarding this character than we often realize, and he isn't even real!

Hawks was always gray on purpose, and I really hope at the end of his arc we get something that pulls together and unites the other characters in the series as well as the fans because I think that's the point of his character to begin with. I doubt everyone will be completely happy with the outcome off the bat, but as long as it's genuinely satisfying from a character development standpoint I hope we can pull together in support knowing we can't always get what we want, but it was a good run - plus there's always fan fiction for when the author got it wrong!

For real, though, let's get excited together. Find your corner, but follow the character not the crowd. You don't have to think of them as perfect, and sometimes the characters that even end up disappointing us the most stick with us longer. We can always dig a little deeper to find out why they did what they did, or why we want something so badly for them, and even just acknowledge when we just want what we want because we want it. That doesn't make us bad people or bad fans. Fiction is usually written to be enjoyed - HeroAca definitely not an exception to that general rule - and tastes in entertainment vary far and wide. Any one series with that variety of expectations aimed at it just can't satisfy everyone so I'd personally rather it stick to the story it was trying to tell from the beginning instead of succumbing to a popularity vote, even if I didn't get the ending I wanted.

I just hope this was a comfort to some of you and an olive branch to others in case you were feeling down about how others viewed your comfort character or just caught up in another ultimately pointless fandom war because it happens. Maybe we can even use it as an exercise to see things from another viewpoint to understand their perspective and realizing it's okay to agree to disagree. I don't want to put this in the character tags because I think there are plenty that don't need or want this content but still those that do who will find and share it in confidence. This isn't about sides or even being right. Let's enjoy our favorite character together and watch him be happy in the end, however that ends up being.

#she speaks

13 notes · View notes

lizzybeth1986 · 5 years

Text

Quick Thoughts on TRH Book 1 Chapter 4

• Hello guys! I’m trying to finish this early because I’m shifting house (not too far from where I’m already living, and closer to kiddo’s nursery! 😁). Fingers crossed I can finish it prior to us shifting.

• Before I begin, I feel I must apologize for neglecting to place a trigger warning for discussing infertility, considering I posted screenshots of Hana’s scene referencing that last chapter and spoke at length about it. The people who have discussed it on my posts have been unfailingly kind and sensitive in their approach to speaking about it, and I failed to display the same sensitivity. I will make sure I don’t repeat that mistake in the future.

Content Warning: The end of this QT will feature a discussion on last week’s Hana scene in the doctor’s office, so TW for discussions on infertility.

• Screenshot Credits:

@pixieferry for Hana + the Abhirio YouTube channel

@thefirstcourtesan + the BizzysChoices YouTube channel for Drake

@boneandfur + Abhirio YouTube channel for Maxwell

• I’m also halfway through a QT for Book 1 Chapter 5. Thought I’d revisit the original series while I was at it. What do you guys think?? If you’re interested do mention if you want to be tagged! You can check out my QTs for the first four chapters from my Masterlist, linked on my bio 😀

• Short chapter, this. I’m pretty sure all the deep digging into history etc will happen idk in Texas. Coz Texas is where Drake’s maternal home is and this entire series - TRR Book 2 onwards - has just been a massive Drake’s-ass-kissing exercise for the writers, let’s be honest. But at least right now, we will get a feel of what the rivals who want to corner us into an alliance look like, sound like, and want.

• Title: Courting Crowns

Does this chapter alone need an alternative title? Does it really?? You might as well rename the entire series no, since just one LI seems to matter. Call it The Grumpy Commoner’s Pub Trail instead (@callmetippytumbles came up with this phrase in an ask on Lily Spencer once).

• I know I sound bitter but how else do you expect me to sound when the writers are THIS blatant about their favouritism. And tbh they’ve been doing that Book 2 onwards.

• So the chapter begins where we left off - the MC meets up with all the LIs in the solarium. They confirm that the people responsible were the paparazzi, and the angle they’re trying to spin is that the Queen of Cordonia/Duchess of Valtoria is an irresponsible woman who is somehow magically pregnant (even in a Hana playthrough!) AND being careless. Thank you Cordonian paps, I’m sure you know my body better than I do.

• Madeleine speaks of doing “damage control” while Bertrand “gallavants away” to Texas as if we were never busy doing damage control for her during the Unity Tour.

• LMAO @ all the responses to “I’ll show them how serious I am about producing an heir”. Especially the Maxwell MC 😅

(Screenshots: @pixieferry for Hana, @boneandfur for Maxwell and BizzysChoices YouTube channel for Drake)

• Liam we know that shy retiring gentleman act is the biggest sham there is. I’ve read your diamond scene.

• Alright so now we prep for the Ball. MC will oversee party arrangements, Drake will check with Mara on security, Hana will help with decor, and Maxwell will make sure there is plenty of bubblyyyy, wiggly letters and all. No idea what Liam is doing. Mysterious King things, I suppose.

• It’s now the night of the Ball and Hana (thank God) is helping us get ready, having already gotten ready herself first. What’s interesting (and not in a good way) is WHAT she’s wearing:

To your left is a screenshot from my playthrough, where Hana is wearing her beloved handmade traditional outfit. To your right is a screenshot from a playthrough @thefirstcourtesan did, in which Hana wears the understated LBD she wore for the MC’s bachelorette in Vegas (whether she was the bride or not). The interesting bit is that I bought the scene where Hana got her outfit back, and @thefirstcourtesan didn’t do it for that particular playthrough.

What’s more, is that I noticed in the previous book…that while the outfit on the left was an option during her wedding, it definitely wasn’t an option for the final ball in Book 3 if you didn’t pay to secretly take it from Lorelei - Hana pretty much chooses her costume gala flower gown in that case.

Are you telling me that if I don’t buy to get her own handmade outfit back, you’ve basically taken it out of her hands???

I’ll get into why this could actually be so messed up later.

• Even if Hana doesn’t have this particular outfit, why does she have to go for something so toned-down?? This is something she last wore (by default) to a bachelorette party! Why couldn’t they choose to put her in her Costume Gala gown instead? That would have worked for such a huge formal ball. At the very least it would have worked better than her LBD.

•

Not gonna lie, this annoyed me a fair bit. One, could it really have been that hard to do some of the work for this, MC? Like I said in my previous QT, the MC still doesn’t seem to take much effort to read up or ask questions about what’s going on, however powerful a figure she is. Two, I am done, done, with how much work Hana has to be doing on the MC’s behalf without getting much credit in return. She’s been doing this since Book 1. In the first two books I could somewhat understand - the MC was new, she had no idea where to begin looking, Bertrand and Maxwell weren’t exactly the most efficient support system to integrating into Cordonian society, everything was unfamiliar. That’s now not the case. She is a powerful, influential figure who has all the resources possible to understand the situation if she really wanted to. But she is still waiting on people to spoonfeed the information to her, and a friend like Hana tends to get very, very little in return.

• When I first saw this scene on my Liam playthrough, I was wondering how the Hana equivalent would look. I mean, she was dealt with a pretty heavy emotional blow the previous day. Would it still weigh on her? Would the MC check in to find out how she was doing?

Nothing of the sort happened. It was the same scene, except perhaps for a reference to Hana being a duchess. So I thought, well, maybe since it’s a heavy conversation, they’ll probably integrate it into the diamond scene, right? After all, I’d just seen a Drake scene that dealt with his reasons for agreeing to Liam’s request. Surely Hana would be given a similar courtesy?

• Okay so Hana’s research yields these results regarding our guests:

- King Bradshaw and Queen Isabella of Auvernal: Bradshaw is the kind who likes to get his way, apparently, and Isabella likes people with a sense of humour.

- Queen Amalas of Monterisso: is mysterious. That is all.

- Other Leaders: from distant countries, basically just coming to the part to have a good time.

• I think this is interesting in terms of the sheer variety of people we’re needing to handle in one party alone. All of them with different personalities, aims and agendas. Unlike Cordonia, which operates on particular codes of conduct that we are now used to, we have to pick up the subtle cues Hana gives us to figure out what works for which royal. We’re definitely being kept on our toes this chapter, and I like when that happens.

•

Ooo blingy. Very nice. Green and gold is an amazing combination, the applique on the gown is beautiful, the illusion neckline is nice, and I like seeing small pearls weaved into such a fancy outfit! Honestly we should have had something similar to this in Fydelia last book, rather than being expected to waltz in that green minidress. The only downer is that Hana’s free outfit COULD have been just as opulent but they opted to dress her down instead. And that’s not the first time they force her to dress down for occasions where she could dress like a star.

• The guys are dressed up for the occasion too. Liam in his official outfit with the medals and sash, Drake in his grey suit, Maxwell in his formal black suit sans tie. Only if you’re with Hana, do you not see your LI in their full regalia at the stairs (since we already took a good look at her at the boutique). Whichever LI you are married to (if male), you will greet at the stairs, entering the hall with them.

• Following your entry, you and your LI split up to meet and talk to your guests separately. There’s not a lot we see of our LIs’ interactions, as this chapter is mostly focussed on the MC’s first impression of these royals.

•

So you have three characters established as the most powerful (Bradshaw and Isabella, and Amalas. I recognize the sprite for Amalas as being similar-ish to Vasquez’s girlfriend in The Senior, but with different hair and styling. I read somewhere that Bradshaw’s sprite is also from another character in another series?), one character that’s there as a nod to another series (Princess Marguerite from The Heist: Monaco, who I like to believe is living her best life and happily romancing Miranda), and the other ��distant kingdom’ characters for which they used sprites from other books (Erin from HSS, Khaan from PM, and Scarlett from VoS).

• Rather than going chronologically, I’m going to first go from the royals that were added more for extra flavour and a party atmosphere, to the royals the narrative actually focuses on:

- King Eirik: Very easily to please. Just remember the guy’s name. I’m not exactly sure he’s used to that (or Khaan Mousavi is on the run from Eros again and wants to make sure the MC won’t suss out who he really is).

- Lerato and Lesidi: So you can choose to please either sister, because each of them have different opinions on what matters. (I’m guessing Scarlett decided to give her brother in Washington some tough competition. “You’re contesting for a Senate seat? Well sucks to be you because I’m going make myself a goddamn princess!!” At the very least I know she upgraded from Tanner). Lerato can’t stand Constantine (like normal people), and is appreciative of efforts that better the lives of Cordonians. Lesidi is younger (you’re supposed to be in school Erin!!) and really just loves a good party. So as long as you move away from the chest-beating “Cordonia’s strength” response, and opt for either a noble cause or just plain good fun, your royal reputation will be fine.

(Honestly the least PB can do is replace Scarlett’s S necklace with something else if she’s just going to be a convenient sprite. Or give all her doppelgangers S names, idk).

- Marguerite: She is an out-and-out romantic and that’s definitely the vibe they’re going for here. She’s also amazing and sweet with the MC, unconditionally offering friendship and advice. You don’t get reputation points with her since she’s lovely to you anyway, but you do get to ask her what her opinion is on either Bradshaw and Isabella, you and your LI as a couple, or the other royals. The answer to the first question seems the most important, hinting at a future role perhaps. She warns us to be careful around them.

- Bradshaw and Isabella: The approach for these two is interesting. I hated the characters (esp Bradshaw, which I’m sure was what the narrative wants me to be doing) and their acting like I’m PANTING to marry off my unborn child to one of their twins - but the overall scene with them I found interesting. Bradshaw seems to operate on extremes - either you grovel in front of him or you aggressively push back, he likes both approaches. He doesn’t seem to have an appreciation for diplomacy and would you fight with him rather than give him a neutral response. Isabella likes seeing a sense of humour in people, and seems to enjoy it if you tell her that “when no one’s trying to kill me, this place isn’t so bad”. In any case, the only way to keep up with both is to take turns choosing answers that will interest them. I found the guessing quite challenging and fun, not so much the insinuations that I would arrange my child’s marriage before they’re even conceived.

- Amalas: Perhaps the most intriguing, and that’s probably on purpose. They’re clearly highlighting her as the underdog in this court, the mysterious Queen no one knows about (although the Black Widow reference does hint at her at least being suspected of killing her husband? Since the female black widow spider is famous for eating the male after mating). She makes a persuasive case about how Monterisso and Cordonia are “cut from the same cloth”, are both small (how many climates and landscapes does Monterisso have) countries with amazing wealth, that Auvernal wants to push into an unequal alliance with the promise of their military prowess. Amalas’ suggestion is to join hands so they can find strength together and push back against the kind of intimidation Bradshaw is showing them.

• Queen Eleanor was from Auvernal? So Liam is half-Cordonian and half-Auvernese? That must be interesting. I wonder if we will possibly see more about these foreign relations during Constantine’s time and what it must have been like. Also why do I hear practically nothing about Constantine from this exchange? They mention Eleanor, but refer to only her - especially when they’re talking about her hospitality and treating them with respect. There’s nothing much to make out of it yet (though you have at least one other person openly expressing a negative view of him), but it’s an interesting point to note nonetheless.

• QUEEN ESTHER NOW HAS A NEW CORGI!!! Since the first was named Joy, I thought I’d name the lady corgi Hope xD

• I know the narrative is writing Amalas as this mysterious, seductive figure (it’s working on me, okay! 🙈) the underdog and the cool person that everyone wants to know and be friends with - but all said and done, she advocates these bizarre ideas to make kids have betrothals on their cribs too. She’s just a little more persuasive and a little less heavy-handed about it. So I have my doubts still.

• It’s also kind of interesting that there is no specified sex given for Amalas’ child? Is customization possible for both her child and ours?

•

(Screenshots: Abhirio’s YouTube channel for Hana and Maxwell, BizzysChoices YouTube channel for Drake)

Aww @ all the LIs’ reactions to the new corgi!

• So…the MC comes out of these interactions with multiple nobles and royals either exhausted, frustrated or worried, and the LI comforts her in whatever way they can, reassuring her that things will go well. She can either feel majorly annoyed about having to deal with so much royalty, be weirded out by the kind of attention the baby she hasn’t even (possibly) conceived yet is getting, or she’s afraid the alliances won’t happen. Either way, the LI is there to help her, and suggests they sneak out and spend a little time together before dealing with the guests again.

• The basic format for this scene is very, very similar for three LIs: Liam, Hana and Maxwell. The MC agrees to sneak out, the LI takes her to the bedroom (or in Liam’s case, they have an tiny extra scene where Princess Marguerite is passing them while they’re making out in the corridor). They begin a fun, sexy game of their choosing, which the MC enjoys and which eventually leads to them sleeping together. This is followed by a short conversation after which the LI and MC go back to the hall.

This is the breakdown for each LI:

- Liam: After almost being caught red-handed making out in the corridor by Princess Marguerite, Liam and his wife make it to the bedroom. Liam plays Twenty Questions with her, quizzing her on details about the rulers she met. For each answer she gets right, he gives her a kiss (well…he kisses her even otherwise because she is impossible to resist). Once they’ve slept together, the couple then briefly discuss both their honeymoon period and then the decision they will need to make regarding alliances. The last bit is spoken about in an extremely vague manner.

- Maxwell: Immediately after the MC accepts, the two enter their bedroom and begin to do a little roleplay. Maxwell pretends he came into the bar where the MC worked alone, and that she isn’t a waitress (the player gets to choose her role: a spy, a museum curator or a jewel thief). Once they’ve slept together, they chat a little before going back to the guests, and one of the things the MC can opt to mention is that Maxwell “will be a great dad” even if he’s a fun uncle type. Oh, like that conversation Maxwell and his MC never got to have back on their honeymoon? 🤔

- Hana: Immediately after the MC accepts, the two enter their bedroom and do what the MC calls “an ice-cream strip game”. Either one has to taste an ice cream and correctly guess the flavour, and if they don’t get it right, they have to shed an item of their clothing. This includes fun flavours like bubblegum, rum-and-raisin and lemon sorbet. Hana then heats things up by running a little ice cream down the MC’s neck instead of letting her taste. Once they’ve slept together, the couple chat for a bit, after which the MC thanks Hana for everything she’s been doing for her. Hana is sweet and humble and the MC can optionally tell her how incredible she is but somehow the events of the previous day never come up (again, more on this later).

(Screenshots: @pixieferry for Hana and @boneandfur for Maxwell)

• HOWEVER, not only is the format of Drake’s diamond scene different, but so is the location! Drake’s diamond scene begins with the couple wanting a moment alone - the MC even takes a bottle along and there is some light hearted teasing about how he isn’t the only person in the relationship who drinks. This is followed by a four minute long makeout scene somewhere in the foyer (to give you an idea of how much time that took - Liam’s corresponding makeout scene lasts barely a minute), and the MC - to get them real privacy - takes him to that HUGE kinda dilapidated area that we once took Hana to, in Book 3…presumably to ravish each other and then watch the sunset. Which is exactly what they do.

Shortly after this, Drake and the MC enjoy the sight of the sun setting, and then discuss their future and one important aspect of Drake’s past - his changing attitudes towards nobility. The MC at this point gets to ASK him why he agreed to Liam’s proposal. He has this to say:

(Screenshot from @thefirstcourtesan)

I mean…that moment wasn’t exactly OOC only for Drake. Hana and Maxwell pretty much would have had the same questions too, but there hardly are even given the space to ask those questions. Yet somehow the team had the time and the energy to delve into just one character?

Drake gets to expand on what seeing Savannah’s family makes him feel. Drake gets to speak about his loyalty to his friend and his changing attitude to the nobility. He is lauded by the public and the press for doing and saying the bare minimum. And now, he gets an LI scene that allows him to speak at length, while the other LIs are restricted to maybe a few lines.

• I really do feel conflicted about Drake’s big scene about his loyalty to his best friend,and his issues about nobility, happening in an undercroft where Hana was once supposed to have her own big scene about family and selfhood, last book - one that we never got. Because the writers didn’t care enough.

• We now return to the Ball, and after mingling for a while, the MC gets to see what almost everyone else is doing.

King Bradshaw is bemused by Maxwell’s love for dance offs and desire to be a court jester (I know Brad but that’s basically what the writers reduced him to).

Kiara LOVES Queen Amalas’ pantsuit because it is “elegant, yet bold” and a pleased Amalas tells Kiara she should try wearing one (I’d love to see how that looks honestly 😃).

Marguerite is talking to Drake and Hana. Drake isn’t very happy that someone besides him is monopolizing this conversation and Hana is LOVING IT (same, sis, saaaaame).

•

@ Drake: This is literally your life now. You knew you would have to deal with a press meet last chapter and you knew there would be a goddamned ball where you’d have to do networking this chapter. Be prepared from now on and stop complaining, Jesus.

@ Hana: I love it when Hana trolls people, and I feel it she doesn’t get to do it often enough. Remember her impressions of Drake in Fydelia during Unity Tour. They should let her do one for everyone in the group. Please let Hana troll people more. Let her troll all of Cordonia!!

• The night winds down, and we get to see who we have impressed and who we haven’t. As I’ve mentioned earlier, Isabella’s attitude towards you hinges on your sense of humour, Bradshaw on your ability to push back and fight for what you want. Amalas on your uniqueness and that je ne sais quoi feel that seems to set you apart from the others. The other royals on different aspects: either your ambition and desire to serve the people, or the ability to let loose and have a good time! We get to know all of this on their way to the door.

• I’m glad Olivia didn’t show up here. Can you imagine just how mad she’d get if she heard all this nonsense about having marriage alliances done before these children were even born?? She’d suffered in a situation very much like that, and I think she’d be damned to let what happened to her happen to another kid. You’d need to hold her back from using an axe against these people.

• Whatever the outcome is, the MC expresses her worries to the LI, the LI comforts her and then suggests they make a road trip to America since Savannah and Bertrand are getting married there (another trip…seriously??? Please for the love of God just stay in the country/duchy and properly RULE it for once!!).

• Next set of chapters is clearly going to be taken over by the Walker family, and we’ll talk and hear about nothing else for the next couple of weeks.

General Thoughts:

• …why is no one asking where the paparazzi came from? Our paps? Their paps? Which magazine was it. Why are you so intent on making your characters look so stupid PB. They’re so stupid. My head hurts.

• Why are they saying I was in a hot tub I never saw a hot tub in that villa.

• I know some questions should be unanswered for future plot…but…you don’t think a SINGLE person would be wondering who sent them in the first place? Considering the last time photos of us were taken without our consent it was pretty much from someone who had an agenda?

• So…over the weekend I tried to do a fail playthrough of my own for Book 1 (I was dying guys I was dying. So much secondhand embarrassment. How did I survive that 😭). And since I was doing this so soon after I finished this chapter, I kinda ended up making parallels between Queen Regina’s first meeting with the suitors in Chapter 5 there, and how especially the Bradshaw/Isabella/Amalas meetings went here.

I remember distinctively that displaying a “sense of humour” was actively discouraged (Regina even says “fools use laughter to cover up their own ignorance” in the same tea party), and how highly qualities like stoicism and diplomacy are held in esteem. Bradshaw and Isabella are the antithesis to that (Bradshaw also shows slight similarities with Regina in terms of liking a challenge. During the croquet game in Book 1, Regina makes it clear that she “detests those who don’t have the stomach to stand up to me”. Bradshaw, too, seems to have more respect for an MC who stands up to him…but in perhaps a more patronizing way)

Interestingly, if the press has labelled you “Mystery Woman” in Book 1, Regina points out that “no one can remain a mystery long when they’re a public servant and must attend to the people”. Yet it is almost impossible for Hana - whose research skills are clearly on another level - to find any information about Queen Amalas.

• Tbh I kinda love that shift. By branching out and navigating through the landscape not just in but around Cordonia, the MC gets a broader view of what politics is like around this area. She gets to read the other person’s cues and behaviour, compare it with the information she has been given, and make an informed decision on what would work right with them. I hated the overall presumptuousness from the main players, but I definitely enjoyed the dynamics.

• I wonder if we will see Regina again at some point! I'm doing my Book 1 playthrough and she's kinda growing on me this time.

• The diamond scene was good on its own…until I started checking the other routes. And that’s been the case more and more often with TRR. You start out thinking “great, a nice love scene with teasing and seduction and your LI showing you just how good they are in bed, with some tender moments afterwards”. Then you look at other playthroughs and realize (if you’re a Liam stan) that their scenes were shorter and there was less to talk about. THEN you look at a playthrough like Drake’s…and find a completely different backdrop, a completely different format and an issue that his fans were complaining about being addressed. In detail. I’m a Liam stan, there is at least a little more I know I’m going to get (besides my LI being happy and not making stupid decisions in a playthrough where he is single). Hana and Maxwell get practically nothing, the writers aren’t even pretending to scrape the bottom of the barrel to give them content.

• If they’d really bothered to even this out, they could have used the end of these scenes to answer important questions. Liam could maybe tell us exactly what his experience of dealing with these kings and queens have been like, since he has had more experience with them in terms of diplomatic relations. He could speak about how it feels to have these sort of powerful, invasive figures make constant demands on him, and how that would weigh on him. After all these are the kinds of people he might have had to work with ever since Leo abdicated. Or what about Maxwell? In the livestream the writers claimed that he “grew into fatherhood”…How? Where? Why was this journey not worth showing? This diamond scene could have focused on what his turning point into that growth was, especially since Drake got that space to talk about it.

• I got two very, very bitter reminders of that horrid scene they gave Hana in Book 3 Chapter 15, in this chapter itself. One was - as I told you - the fact that if you didn’t buy this scene (that wasn’t even worth TWO diamonds, much less the 15 you could spend on it), her handmade outfit disappears after the wedding. She doesn’t have it as an option for the ball in the finale, she can’t wear it this chapter and is instead made to dress herself in a very muted style (which honestly kind of reminds me of how she was constantly treated like the “wedding planner” or “bridesmaid” rather than the bride, at her own damn wedding).

I assumed, this entire time, that even if you didn’t get the outfit in Book 3…the improved relationship with Lorelei shortly after would mean she’d get her dress back (since the reason she had to take away Hana’s clothes from her didn’t even exist anymore). Why would a Hana who HAS this outfit (at least up until the wedding) be coded as no longer owning it or considering to wear it if you didn’t buy that scene? I see no reason why it would be around and she’d not want to wear it. Her love for that outfit wouldn’t lessen just because she wasn’t running all around Valtoria to retrieve it.

So what should I assume? That Hana and her parents maybe made peace with each other but Lorelei still took her most precious item of clothing anyway? And now Hana doesn’t even get to wear it now for special occasions to represent her other home? She has to opt for an outfit she wore for a bachelorette while her wife/friend is (optionally) dressed to the nines? Just so you can stroke your ego about how this shitty diamond scene from the last book will now be of some use?

I mean…just the fact that getting back together with her parents but not getting stuff that is HERS back…I don’t even know what to say.

• TW: I speak about Hana’s scene with the doctor from last chapter again here.

• The other reminder of what a trainwreck that scene was, was definitely Drake’s diamond scene, which takes place in the same secret spot. If you didn’t buy the scene, then this was a place the MC just discovered, and if you did, she mentions seeing this place with Hana. I recall, while buying this scene, waiting and waiting for Hana to say more about that grandmother who made her dress with her, or about how her views on her parents have changed…or literally anything. But nothing much actually happened rather than a very shallow conversation and a kiss if you were her fiancée. Now in the same spot, I see Drake get a special scene with special dialogues exploring facets of his journey (and by now I’ve completely lost count of the number of times I’ve seen this happen). In the meantime, Hana gets a scene where her MC does the barest minimum - saying ‘thank you’ for all the preparations Hana’s been making the last few days. Which brings me to my next point.

• You can’t expect me to believe that two women who love each other, and who are supposed to have supported each other through difficult situations (this is true for Hana, and for the MC on the few occasions the story allowed her to)…would simply return to normal? After receiving the kind of news Hana got in the previous chapter??? That the woman going through this painful experience wouldn’t struggle with it? That her partner would not bother to check on her? (and at no point does the MC do so in this chapter). One could always argue that perhaps they could leave such a discussion for future chapters…but, as I said in detail the previous QT, the writing team has had a track record of choosing to never address very serious issues related to Hana’s own story, to the point where they were on the verge of encouraging a possible romance with someone who harmed her in her single playthroughs. If they were able to make Drake’s scene so different, why couldn’t they do the same to Hana considering her own, self-confessed, emotional state last chapter in her playthrough? Instead in that particular scene, she thanks her for everything, even referencing the same doctor’s appointment where they got this news - and it sounds patronizing considering the fact that Hana’s pain is (again!!) seen as not important even to speak about. Why couldn’t the MC at least ask after her and see how she’s feeling, and comfort her in this scene?

And if that wasn’t going to happen - why force that situation on Hana at all??

• One thing we need to keep in mind is that even when one DOES NOT want children, being told that you don’t even have that choice, or option, can be painful and in many cases traumatizing as well. I had two incredible reblogs last chapter that spoke about this in detail, from people who experienced similar situations, and I feel that unless a writer is ready to commit to that storyline and route, unless they’re prepared to write it sensitively rather than brush it under the carpet, they should not place that character in that situation. This is extremely offensive given their track record.

• This is why, when they say bullshit like “oh we would have preferred to do separate books for each LI but ended up with no choice but one book” (I’m paraphrasing), I find it so hard to believe the team. No one was forcing them to create the issues for Hana that they did. Those were narrative choices they made…and when you make such choices it’s YOUR responsibility to resolve them properly, otherwise don’t go there! Don’t have Madeleine bully her - or Olivia still mock her after they’ve become friends - if you’re simply going to allow these white (let’s never forget this. The white women in this book get away with all kinds of bullshit) women to get away with it with little-to-no pushback from Hana herself. Don’t force her into an emotionally abusive parent-child relationship if your only resolution for that is they say sorry a couple times and still have the same toxic expectations of her. Don’t rob her of her choice to physically carry a child if in the next chapter you will force her to act like nothing happened. I doubt ANY of these writers would care enough to actually write separate routes/books for anyone other than the LI they’ve always been pandering to.

• Apparently 3 writers in the team claim they would date Hana. Mmhmm. Sure. I can so see that in the way you write her, team TRH, I can so see that.

• I…love some of the characters in this series, and they’re the reason I’m still sticking around and trying to make these write-ups. But I won’t lie that it is exhausting, and frustrating, to keep highlighting these issues and barely be heard - and if the series keeps this up…I might not be able tho sustain the energy to keep writing these. I hope that doesn’t happen…but it is a very real possibility and I think I should let you guys know in case things do go that way.

• Fingers crossed that doesn’t happen - but if it does, I’ll still be working on my Book 1 QTs (my failplay brought up some insights that I found interesting!) and there’s plenty of fanfic ideas that I’d love to get back into. Let’s see how things turn out!

#long post #the royal heir #anti the royal heir #trh quick thoughts #trh qts #infertility tw #bullying tw

76 notes · View notes

sylleboi · 5 years

Text

𝕮𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖔𝖘𝖈𝖔𝖕𝖎𝖓𝖌 | 23/10/19

During the morning we went to the photography department of the school where we would start the day off there by filming our own footage to rotoscope later on. There were no restrictions as to what we were allowed to do in front of the camera and green screen, but we had to move from one side of the screen to the other. I decided to go for a gun man or James Bond type of vibe. I didn’t want to just do a simple walk or run cycle, but instead I wanted to challenge myself a little. I did this by sneaking into frame, holding my hands up as if I was holding a gun (this added a prop that I would have to draw form scratch during the process of rotoscoping) then doing a turn and running back out the frame. When recording the clips in the green screen room, I also decided to turn around and then turn back while moving to add to the difficulty of animating everything together. This is how both of them turned out:

I decided to go with the first of the two clips for my rotoscope. I did this simply because of the turn being slower and therefore making it more challenging to animate the gun to follow the movement in such a way that it won't look “out of place”.

I didn’t find the time during college hours to actually do the rotoscope for this, so I did it at home using my own program (Krita) and my drawing tablet.

The process was relatively simple; I took the video and took a screenshot of each frame as I went, dragging the screen grab onto the canvas and began tracing my figure. As I went, I also drew in the gun for each frame, lining it up with the position with my hands.

To keep the appearance of the gun consistent I copied most of the frames, up until I came to the part where I had to change the perspective of which the gun is seen from (during the turn).

Once I had finished the whole rotoscope this is what I was left with:

The finished amount of frames came to 66. Quite a high number for such a short animation, but I didn’t want to take away from the fluidity and smoothness. Now I could have just left it here, but I wanted to do some more experimenting. I tried out filling in the clothes with some texture to create a more interesting looking sequence, but half way through I decided to go back to the original linework since I just wasn’t happy with how it was turning out, but here was that in motion:

Instead I did a bit of brainstorming, thinking about what I could do to improve what I had already made. Here’s the mindmap of the brainstorm that I did:

So as you can see, I ended up wanting to experiment with depth, leading me to be doing something to the background. Most of the mind map is based off visual language. I found using this as the root for my brainstorm really useful due to the way you can interpret each term differently to whatever the context is. I will definitely be doing this again and experiment with it further in the future.

I had also settled on wanting to keep it monochrome (misspelling in mind map) and more specifically drawing towards the style of the classic black & white manga comic book style. Based on this, what immediately popped into my mind was this program I recall trying out years and years ago called Medi Bang Paint Pro, or as I think it was used to called; Medi Bang. I was probably around 12 or 13 when I first downloaded it, but I didn't know what I was doing what so ever, so I quickly gave up. For a long time it wasn’t compatible with Mac up until recently; so I decided to take a shot and download it again. The program is free; but that wasn’t the main reason to why I wanted to try out this program again in particular. It has a lot of great tools for drawing and building comic pages, and I thought “What would it look like if I made a background inspired by traditional manga?”- so that’s what I did.

I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to pull it off at first, so I did a little test run beforehand and I really liked the result:

So the way that I did this was by taking a picture (that I unfortunately have lost now) and then proceeding by changing the levels of the picture, playing around with it until it’s primarily just blacks and whites. With a brush tool I began cleaning everything up a little by either erasing unwanted bits or adding additional linework just to emphasise on the subject and shapes within the drawing. I added leaves and other vegetation with some pre-made brushes that came with the program. The last step was to add a screentone of a clouded sky to add a bit of texture, shading and general interest to the whole piece, and voila! Done. This technique is super quick and efficient for creating backgrounds for comics of this style, though I still prefer when everything is painted by hand. The screentone has a very recognisable style to it and is quite often used in manga’s. One of the ones that come to mind for me is Berserk. I have always loved the artwork of that comic series; it’s the kind of art that you could stare at for hours on end and not get bored with. When looking at the artwork from the series, you can clearly see the technique of screentones are being used to create a lot of additional detail to each panel.

Here are some examples of some screentones:

In this example, it has been used for the background. A screentone with blobs lightly shaded has been added to almost create some sort of mist, changing the whole mood and feel of the panel very effectively.

Like mentioned before, in Berserk, the screentones are mostly used as an extra bit of atmospheric detail, rather than being used for any of the shading which is all hand drawn. In this example, it has been used for the lettering/type and again for the background. It creates a gritty and sort of dirty effect, emphasising how he is in a battlefield with monsters around him; definitely not a place you could call “clean”.

In this example, different kinds of sceentones have been used in each panel. In the panel to the left, the opaque stripes are a type of screentone very often used to indicate either speed, focal point or action of some kind. Not only that, but at the bottom of the panel a softer pattern of screentone has been used to create the look of dirt or sand, again with a gritty texture to emphasise on the fact that the character, Guts, is inferior at this moment.

In this super epic and intense illustration, you can again see the great use of screentones, most notably used for the background yet again. It really helps to create a strong feel to each illustration. The use of tone is especially important in manga or comics, since it so often is done in just black & white, so you have no use of colour; this is where screentones come in as a great tool to use for just this.

So, with all of this brainstorming and researching done, and by using the same technique as I did when doing the “test”, I began drawing. I used this picture which I recall taking somewhere on the border to Germany as the base image:

I chose this because it has that “street” vibe to it, which I thought could be cool with the whole theme of “gun man”. Very edgy, very edgy indeed.

This gif above shows loosely the process of the piece from start to finish. It was mostly just me playing around and figuring out all the tools of the program, but it was quite fun to put together.

With the background now complete, I put it into my rotoscope, went over each frame and painted the shape of myself in the animation white and was finally finished with the final rotoscope; being the third version or option that I did.

I am very happy with how it turned out in the end, and I have definitely learnt masses with this exercise of rotoscoping something that that I have filmed myself. I think if I were to further improve on this, I’d definitely consider animating the background itself (birds flying or leaves rustling), or maybe even try shading the subject somehow, taking inspiration from manga’s such as Berserk or any of Junji Ito’s work.

I decided to try out asking a few of my peers in the class what their opinion was on the final rotoscope. The feedback that I received was purely positive; the people I asked said they couldn't think of any particular way of improving the finished product. They said it both looked great as well as it answered what the task was questioning and challenging us to do.

To me, this really shows and proves that the work I have done here is successful work that I can be proud of and take what I have learnt through doing this task with me for the future, without doubting if what I have learnt is of quality.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

As a little extra note, here are the same frames (frame 23) in the three different versions:

4 notes · View notes

joannaofportugal · 4 years

Text

JOANNA DE BRAGANZA / / CHALLENGE 004

eleven tests completed & eleven explainations wrote out.

SOUL TYPE TEST | the sage

A Sage soul is one whose role in life is collective expression, communicating big ideas with as many as possible. Natural extraverts, playful expression is fundamental to the Sage’s nature, though they are more adept at entertaining an audience than in coming up with original ideas. They are born attention-seekers, very much at home in front of an audience, taking centre stage. The bigger the audience the better, but any audience will do. The natural goal of any Sage is to express the highs and lows of life for all to see, sharing lifes lessons in an appealing way to create shared understanding. All soul types can manifest positively or negatively in any given moment, as the individual chooses. When manifesting negatively, Sages lapse into ORATION, i.e. hogging the spotlight, loving the sound of their own voice. The positive manifestation is COMMUNICATION, being on the same wavelength as the audience. Famous Sages include Mae West, Oscar Wilde, Bill Clinton, Jim Carrey

NOTE: reading through the soul type was very on-par with joanna’s very person, i would class her as a YOUNG SAGE who chases fame as nowdays celebraties do. she hogs the spotlight, the loves the sound of her own voice - what else could she be?

MBTI TEST : entp-a ( the debater )

The Debater personality type is the ultimate devil’s advocate, thriving on the process of shredding arguments and beliefs and letting the ribbons drift in the wind for all to see. Debaters don’t do this because they are trying to achieve some deeper purpose or strategic goal, but for the simple reason that it’s fun. No one loves the process of mental sparring more than Debaters, as it gives them a chance to exercise their effortlessly quick wit, broad accumulated knowledge base, and capacity for connecting disparate ideas to prove their points.

NOTE: i was surprised, i thought her mbti would come out as something a little more dramatic rather than chasing knowledge or logic in it’s most intense form. i’m not too agreeing with the result, but maybe i can use this information to strengthen her person - and i like the ‘devil’s advocate’ side to it.

CREEPIEST THING ABOUT YOU TEST: your possessiveness is really uncomfortable

It’s obvious to everyone around you that you feel the need to keep everything just the way you like it, and that insistence often borders on obsession. Your persistence, materialism, and sentimentality can prevent you from ever letting things go, and the more you care about them, the more stubbornly you defend your right to own them forever. Sorry to say, but there are some things, like memories and loved ones, you simply can’t own, and trying to stake your claim over them just makes you seem unbalanced and creepy. It probably wouldn’t hurt to quit being such a hoarder, too - none of your guests enjoy trying to find a seat in a room piled high with reminders of everything you refuse to let die.

NOTE: this is quite onbrand but wouldn’t be the creepiest thing to me when it comes to joanna - though she is posessive i don’t agree that it’s overwhelmingly disgusting.. i’d say it’s her rudest, or need to be right all the time.

TEMPERAMENTS TEST: sanguine 23/24 choleric 18/24 melancholic 05/24 phlegmatic 05/24

Your temperament is sanguine. The sanguine temperament is fundamentally spontaneous and pleasure-seeking; sanguine people are sociable and charismatic. They tend to enjoy social gatherings, making new friends and tend to be boisterous. They are usually quite creative and often daydream. However, some alone time is crucial for those of this temperament. Sanguine can also mean sensitive, compassionate and thoughtful. Sanguine personalities generally struggle with following tasks all the way through, are chronically late, and tend to be forgetful and sometimes a little sarcastic. Often, when they pursue a new hobby, they lose interest as soon as it ceases to be engaging or fun. They are very much people persons. They are talkative and not shy. Sanguines generally have an almost shameless nature, certain that what they are doing is right. They have no lack of confidence.

NOTE: this is a much easier answer for me to digest, though joanna isn’t evil she certaily has a rudness that can come across as evil to some people - or perhaps she truly is just a bully. and the last quote, ‘they havae no last of confidence’ is right on the target! though of course, as a young girl there may be bouts of insecurity.. which may evolve into humility or down-right foolery.

LAWFUL ALIGNMENT TEST: chaotic neutral

A chaotic neutral character follows his whims. He is an individualist first and last. He values his own liberty but doesn't strive to protect others' freedom. He avoids authority, resents restrictions, and challenges traditions. A chaotic neutral character does not intentionally disrupt organizations as part of a campaign of anarchy. To do so, he would have to be motivated either by good (and a desire to liberate others) or evil (and a desire to make those different from himself suffer). A chaotic neutral character may be unpredictable, but his behavior is not totally random. He is not as likely to jump off a bridge as to cross it.

NOTE: in terms of alignment i think this is the safest option to describe joanna, she is no hero but she is no villain either.. she looks out for herself more than anthing else, though most choices come at random and at various paces.

GREEK DIETY TEST: poseidon

He was god of the Sea and other waters; of earthquakes; and of horses. In pre-Olympian Bronze Age Greece, he was venerated as a chief deity at Pylos and Thebes. Poseidon was protector of seafarers, and of many Hellenic cities and colonies. He is noble and powerful, and is recognized as a figure of leadership.

NOTE: like what happened when i took the same quiz for marius, i lost my first results. my first was aphrodite, which i didn’t necessarily agree with - then came poseidon. i’m happier with this result because poseidon was such a crass and awful man who made hell a lot worse than hades ever could’ve - he killed many whilst at sea, and in my opinion, was one of the most powerful gods of greek mythology.

ENNEAGRAM TEST: type 7 / 7w8 ( the enthusiast )

People of this personality type are essentially concerned that their lives be an exciting adventure. Sevens are future oriented, restless people who are generally convinced that something better is just around the corner. They are quick thinkers who have a great deal of energy and who make lots of plans. They tend to be extroverted, multi-talented, creative and open minded. They are enthusiasts who enjoy the pleasures of the senses and who don't believe in any form of self-denial.

NOTE: she is certainly a pleasure seeker and planner for distraction and i think this is the closest i’d get to describing joanna though i wouldn’t call her creative due to the fact that she has little skill to anything!

SEXUALITY TEST: 40% heterosexual 30% bisexual 20% asexual 10% homosexual

this needs no description though i will write that of course she hasn’t had sex with anyone yet due to her position? it would be wrong for her to do that as a princess and thus has not experimented with anyone either than taking a few kisses from princes and noblemen. also, she has yet to be awoken to the sense that being attracted to girls is normal, so this quiz is entirely random to the point that it’s made for modern day human beings, not ones from 1455.

POKEMON TEST: flying type

The Flying type is all about the self. You possess traits that are often sought-after: Confidence, self-respect, and bravery radiate from your being. You are a very self-aware individual, and that knowledge can be employed to great use both alone and socially. Remember, however, to not get too big of a head, Flying-type: Your confidence is good, but empathy is better. Often, you may find yourself at the whimsy of society. You are honorable, but also constantly worried about your self-image remaining pristine. If you allow yourself to become too wrapped up in what others think of you, you may become too flighty and scattered for your own good. Remember to relax, and let your spirit soar!

NOTE: though i find it hard to relate joanna to a pokemon the description is pretty good and i can fit joanna into it - though i’d rather see her as a spoilt and messy jigglypuff.

TEA TYPE: hibiscus tea

You’re a *lot*. But that’s not a bad thing! You’re unafraid to take up space and make your voice heard. You love being the center of attention and are willing to cause a scene to swivel the spotlight toward you. You’ve got a sharp tongue (you’ve probably been called sassy at least once in your life) and you can use that for good or evil. Your tartness might not be for everyone, but those who get you love your larger-than-life presence.

NOTE: once again it’s pretty lose to joanna’s character and i particaly like the line ‘your tartness might not be for everyone’

BIG FIVE PERSONALITY:

of course i wasn’t going to pay for this quiz so i only have a little information to share: OPENNESS 52% CONSIENTIOUSNESS 10% EXTRAVERSION 100% AGREEABLENESS 21% NEUROTICISM 33%

NOTE: extraversion is a funny one, and i really like the look of this type of quiz but alas i’m poor and i’m not gonna spend money on a made up character!

and as i did with marius i ended up making a birth chat for her, who was born 29th may, 1438 at 17:39am.

#ofc i put too much time into this lmao #crhs.challenge #// seja a princesa vermelha ou morra ! ( JOANNA BRAGANZA )

2 notes · View notes

matildsdsnook-blog · 4 years

Text

Don't turn to wrinkle reduction surgery until you try some

The new wrinkle correction creams on the market. Botox and collagen injections re painful, to say the least, but they also cause some negative side effects.

My older sister has had numerous injections around her eyes and lips. As a result, she now has a permanently sagging eyelid. The doctors warn you about the possible side effects, before they test you for allergic reactions.

Most people ignore the warnings because the thought of effective wrinkle reduction is so appealing. Buy NeuroBloc Botulinum online But, there are ways to effectively reduce wrinkles, sagging and fine lines, without taking the risk.

Did you know that Botox is the deadliest naturally occurring poison on earth? Did you know that collagen is extracted from cowhide and only fattens up the deepest layer of the skin? Did you know that Botox paralyzes the facial muscles, sometimes permanently? Did you know that wrinkle correction by injection is only temporary?

Knowing all of these things, I'm not sure why anyone would choose injections. But, I think it is probably because most creams on the market are ineffective and really don't provide any wrinkle correction, at all. Luckily, we have new options.

KERATEC manufactures safe and natural materials that cosmetic and personal care companies can use in their products. The latest is called Functional Keratin. The active protein peptide is so popular and effective that the company is no longer taking new orders.

Only distributors that have already contracted to purchase the product regularly will still be supplied. Lucky for us, we can still order creams and lotions that contain it. But, the companies that hesitated, which includes all of the major cosmetic companies, will not be able to get their hands on the ingredient.

What does Functional Keratin do? It provides the most effective wrinkle reduction that anyone has ever seen from a topically applied cream.

It provides wrinkle correction by increasing skin-cell proliferation. It has antioxidant activity, healing ability and naturally reduces inflammation and redness.

If you read some labels, you will see that a number of products contain "keratin", but the ingredient has never been truly effective for wrinkle reduction, because before KERATEC, no company could extract and process the protein without denaturalizing it.

The harsh processing basically destroyed the function of the protein. Using patented technology, KERATEC is able to deliver keratin that is fully active. The skin cells literally soak it up, using it to create new fibers and elastin.

You see immediate wrinkle correction because the material refracts light, making the skin look smoother than it is. But, you will also see long term results and the longer you use it the better you'll look.

There is nothing else on the market that actually stimulates the re-growth of collagen and elastin fibers. But, the most important thing, in my opinion, is that it's completely safe.

The best creams combine Functional Keratin with an assortment of other safe and nourishing ingredients that provide guaranteed wrinkle reduction and healthier skin, in general. Give it a try, before you resort to more risky solutions.

Sweating is a part of a person's natural body mechanisms and is a way for the body to regulate its internal temperature. There are many ways to control sweating and we discuss only a few methods in this article. The nerves that control sweating depend upon a chemical transmitter called acetylcholine which is a molecule produced at the very ends of the nerve fibers. Individuals troubled by excessive sweating often do not respond adequately to antiperspirants, and they may not respond to (or be willing to tolerate) systemic medications, electrical treatments on the areas of excessive sweating, permanent destruction of the nerves which control sweating, or surgery (in the armpits) to either scrape away the sweat glands or to cut out the areas of excessive sweating.

Drugs taken by mouth, such as phenoxybenzamine and propantheline, sometimes control sweating, and injections of botulinum toxin into the affected area diminish sweating. Botox can be used to control sweating of the underarms, hands, feet, forehead, and other body areas. The most common option used to control sweating is to use an antiperspirant. Modifying your behavior and your psychological environment (at home and at work) to lessen excessive stress will help you to control sweating. Meditation is the best way to control sweating if not cures it completely. It is hoped that as more is learnt about the systems in the body that control sweating, better ways of controlling it will be found.

Condition

It is a condition that affects both men and women and usually begins during childhood or at puberty, but improves spontaneously for many people in their mid-twenties or early thirties. Profuse sweating that occurs at times other than in hot conditions or after exercise is usually due to a rare disorder called hyperhidrosis, marked by perspiration produced in abundance by overactive sweat glands. In addition, it may be helpful for you to avoid conditions of excess heat, and stay clear of diets that are too high in sugar, caffeine and alcohol, because all of these may also contribute to your problem of sweating.

Control

The reason why some people sweat more is not yet known, but it is known that sweating is controlled by the Sympathetic Nervous System. Get your nerves under control and your sweating will diminish. Most of the times you don't want to stop you're sweating; you want to control it from getting out of hand. Excessive sweating can be controlled to some degree with commercial antiperspirants. It seems that gel deodorants (Mitchum/Soft & Dry) are the only products that will control sweating, the odor for more than one hour (not long enough). While a deodorant masks odors, antiperspirants actually reduce and control the perspiration and sweating. Conventional antiperspirants contain ingredients like aluminum chloride and aluminum chlorohydrate to control sweating by plugging up your sweat glands. Check the label; you'd be surprised at how many people think they're using an antiperspirant/deodorant, a product to help stop you from sweating, but are actually using only a deodorant, a product that only helps prevent odor--not control sweating.

Botox, the popular injectable wrinkle remedy, also can be used to control sweating; injected into the skin, it temporarily paralyzes the sweat glands in the treated area. If drugs are not effective, a more drastic measure to control severe sweating is surgical cutting of the nerves leading to the sweat glands. These nerves respond to different kinds of stress: emotional stress like intimate social situations or public speaking, or physical stress like the increased body temperature that comes with exercise or hot and humid weather. Inspirational books, soothing music, scented candles or bubble baths; anything that helps you to relieve stress is ideal for you to control sweating. Proper hygiene plays an important role in helping you control excessive sweating.

Treatments

While only a doctor can prescribe or perform certain hyperhidrosis treatments, there are things you can do to help make excessive sweating less of a burden on your everyday life: bathe daily to keep the amount of bacteria on your skin in check. Stress is known to enhance sweating and it would help you if you take regular distressing treatments. Once you have received your treatments from the dermatologist you can purchase the equipment to give yourself treatments at home from that point on. To me it makes sense to start with the easiest thing and work your way up to the harder, more intensive treatments if you don't get results. Frequent treatments are usually necessary to control sweating. Bring the questions and your answers to your next doctor's appointment, or use them as evidence of the seriousness of your condition if you need to convince your health insurance plan to cover your treatments.

Excessive sweating can be treated by: simple treatments, such as roll-on antiperspirants (e.g. driclor); a type of electrolysis (called iontophoresis); medication, e.g. beta blockers or probanthine; injection of botulinum toxin; surgery (sympathectomy). Simple or medical treatments of excessive sweating might not control the symptoms, or they might induce intolerable side effects. Consult a neurosurgeon if sympathectomy is necessary in severe cases of hyperhidrosis that are refractory to all other treatments. The treatments available are still far from perfect but do give hyperhidrosis sufferers an alternative to just putting up with the condition. Non-surgical treatments include medications, Botox for palm sweating, anti-perspirant, and iontophoresis. A number of different treatments and products are available to help people with severe underarm sweating. If you are suffering from excessive sweating problem, then make sure that you bathe daily and couple this habit with any other method you'll use to control sweating.

Antiperspirants are known to control sweating to an extent and its effect depends on how bad your case of excessive sweating is. A fan or an air conditioner will definitely help you to control sweating. In some patients, these symptoms require therapeutic intervention such as dose reduction, antidepressant substitution, antidepressant discontinuation, or addition of an agent to control sweating. The researchers in this study think that sage may work to control sweating because it has astringent properties. Could an anti-perspirant (such as Drysol) be used on the forehead to control sweating. Destroying the nerves that control sweating in the feet also affects sexual responses, a price that many would think too high to pay. For the feet, aluminum chlorohydrate-containing antiperspirant sprayed onto the skin can help to control sweating. However, there are a number of different things that you can do in order to naturally reduce or control sweating. There are many natural ways and also many counter products that claim and do help to control sweating.

Information

Information and interactions contained in this Web site are for information purposes only and are not intended to be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Statements made regarding the products, ingredients and general information have not been evaluated by the FDA, or any other health authority, and should not be seen as health claims. Consult your doctor and get some information on what type of counter products will help you to control excessive sweating. There is also plenty of information about different topics that pertain to control your sweating.

1 note · View note

getting-rid-of-anniex · 4 years

Text

An (Un)Healthy Check up

This is me, probably about 6 / 7 years old...?...(looks like I’m busy burying a vampire I’ve just staked?)...what I would give to let that little girl know that she really is enough, and to never let the world get her down so much so that she questions herself.

Fast forward 31 years and I’m now on a quest to try and get back to being as much like that carefree child. The most stressful thing I had to think about then, was whether I would get some sweets at the weekend and if Barbie and Ken would like the salon I’d made for them out of toilet rolls and a load of old boxes.

The unfortunate thing about ‘LIFE’ is that - ‘LIFE HAPPENS’(!) and the person you become is built up of many moments and experiences. In my case, my moments and experiences ended up helping to construct someone lacking confidence and overflowing with anxiety. I started dieting from about the age of 15 (and since then the weight only went up!) Friendships became toxic and I ended up having to build myself a new peer group. I developed a pattern of using food and drink to both celebrate and commiserate. I overindulged on happy days, sad days, sunny days, rainy days; to plaster over a stressful situation, and gee myself up when I needed some dutch courage. My health took a battering, developing asthma, bad knees (at one point the doctor did say I had arthritis...later on rescinding this?!?), IBS and depression. I’ve gone through stages of going totally bonkers with exercise, from running every day, to not at all and just lying on the sofa eating crisps. I tried so many times to follow weight loss programs - if only I’d saved that money instead. After repeatedly falling off the wagon I’d restart another program with so much excitement, only for the hard work to start and the realisation that this wouldn’t be a walk in the park, to hit. I’d throw in the towel and unhappily stuff my face (self sabotage anyone?) My stomach was in a constant mess resulting in time off work (and increased time in the loo!). I tried gluten free, but again after a month or two of symptoms easing and feeling good I’d then decide it wasn’t as bad as originally thought and devour everything in sight, only to go shooting right back to the beginning. As well as feeling like crap because my stomach was in agony, I’d also be mentally berating myself for not being able to stick to anything AGAIN. Why didn’t I have the ability to stick to anything? Especially when all the things I was doing, I was doing in the hope of helping myself?

Appointment no.1

After realising finally just how much I was hurting myself, and how much I was struggling, and after crying on the shoulders of some very amazing friends and family (I really hope you guys know who you are) I decided to see the doctor. To help with my IBS, anxiety and stress (which was a bowlful of Catch-22 IBS related loveliness!!!) I was prescribed anti depressants. Whilst these helped initially, they didn’t touch my inner demons. Self destructive patterns were repeated and the only thing I learnt, was how better to hide things from others.

This must stop!

Back in 2018 my body finally had had enough. After feeling like utter shite for months on end, monitoring over the course of a few weeks how my heart would start racing (just sitting at my desk) and having increasing episodes of hot flushes, I knew I needed to get in contact with the doctor. This time I really wanted to do something...and I was scared. The ball got moving though earlier than I’d planned.

Sitting at work my heart suddenly started to race. (There were no harsh words/emails, up-coming meetings/reviews, and I hadn’t eaten a heavy or spicy meal, there wasn’t anything in fact that could explain why this was happening). It felt as though I was having a panic attack (although never having had one, I couldn’t say for sure?). Luckily I was able to get an appointment with the doctor (another one) later that same day. I feel forever grateful to have been given an appointment with this particular doctor. For the first time ever I felt listened to, rather than just hurried along with the explanation for everything being the bog (pun intended) standard ‘gluten intolerance’. This went so much deeper. I was booked in for blood tests (and stool samples - yuck!) to check for any intolerances (also checking for Crohn’s and Celiac disease)/vitamin deficiencies, given leaflets on the FODMAP diet (although I do feel like this isn’t the full answer for my stomach issues, it definitely helped to fully monitor what foods were triggering my IBS symptoms). We also had a bloody good talk. I didn’t feel like I was just another foot through the door and that the clock was being watched; I really could have hugged my Doc. I left feeling so positive (for most probably the first time in years). Even if we couldn’t rule everything out straight away (there would be a lot of trial and error in the up-coming months), it felt as though someone was on my side and wanted to help. Someone had finally just sat and listened (I’m not including friends and family in that comment - believe me, they definitely have done more than their share of hand holding and listening. This just meant so much, having someone from the health profession listen rather than assume.)

Blood test results

Well the results came in: B12 deficient and lacking folic acid. (I did have to have a further round of blood tests to rule out Pernicious Anemia, but this came back negative.) I also had to provide a ‘sample’, but the only embarrassing part about this was the idiot monkey behind the reception desk deciding that she needed to shout out across the waiting room that my little tube contained pooh (ground please swallow me up!!!)

Diet

B12 and folic acid were tackled with supplement vitamins and a controlled diet (at the time I was going through the FODMAP diet - which was so hard to navigate. So in the mean time I’ve knocked that on the head, but have tried to limit certain foods and just be more mindful about what I am putting into my body - for example I don’t eat apples as they really don’t like my stomach, I have to be careful how much beetroot/coffee/chickpeas, nuts and chocolate I have and I do try to limit bread/pasta. I was put on a list to speak to a dietician....I’m still waiting to see them!)

I have also rejoined WW online (but if being truthful, I’m still struggling with this. It’s still that bit too easy for me to not track all foods). It’s definitely a work in progress. The recipes are fantastic - I just need to be more honest with it if it’s going to work. One positive with this app though is that it has helped learning to track my weight only once a week (I used to have a day ritual of weighing myself).

I’ve cut right back on alcohol (to be another post soon, as this is a whole other story in itself). I’m already feeling the benefits, and some of them in unexpected ways - my skin has never felt/looked clearer (and from someone who is obsessed with studying the wrinkles on her forehead, this has been a fantastic bonus).

Fitness

I’ve downloaded some fitness apps to try and increase the amount of exercise I do (sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day does not help with general fitness!)

ZR5K: I’m currently doing a 5K training app (learning to run whilst escaping from Zombies - I’ve not used this app when it’s dark, I think it would unnerve me too much).

Race at your pace*: I’ve signed up for ‘Race at your pace’ (it was only £10 (medal only option)...and I get a medal at the end - as long as I complete my target of 25 miles run through out January). This has been a real motivator - I love the idea of getting a medal at the end of the month. This has also been mega easy to implement - I just track at the same time as escaping Zombies! *£10 for a medal - more if you want a Race at your pace top. **mile target is set by yourself and you can complete it by either running/walking or swimming for that particular month. MapMyRun: I currently use this as well, to track where I’m going and how long it’s taking me. It’s been a brilliant tool for monitoring average pace, and I’m hoping as the months role by to see this improving. Yoga: I’m also starting to implement some yoga into my daily routine too. I find that as well as it helping to stretch and loosen my muscles after a run (very slow shuffle), it also helps me to unwind and switch off.

Mindfulness

Breathe: I have downloaded a relaxation and meditation app. As with all the apps I’m currently using, I’ve gone for the free option so with this particular one, I don’t get the longer/more specific meditations, but there are still a great range to select from. They have been really helpful unwinding before bed. I just need to get into a better routine of using this daily.

Supportive networks

The hubby, friends and family have all been invaluable to me getting to where I am now. My husband is an amazing man (also a pain in the arse, but hey - I’ll forgive him that) and I absolutely cherish all he does in order to help me on my journey to being a better, happier human being! I cannot stress enough, how you need people around you who (may not have the answers but) will listen - without judgement. I feel so incredibly lucky to have the people around me who I know I can talk to, cry on and ask opinions of. I’ve been incredibly honest with my boss. Luckily he is someone who I know I can talk to and he’s been very understanding. After worrying about time off work due to sickness (stress/IBS/depression issues etc) I opened up completely about everything - food, health (mental and physical)....and I’ve even asked if I can set my health goals as part of my personal development target at work. (Being proactive about helping myself can surely only have a positive impact on my work/life balance. A happier/healthier worker will have a better attitude at work and (I’m hoping) a more productive output???)

Other ‘things’

I’ve also tried to absorb anything and everything that is supportive, positive that will help shore up my personal goals on my journey to self improvement.

I’ve downloaded healthy living podcasts, listened to audio books on being alcohol free and been reading ‘self help’ books - such as ‘The Happiness Equation’.

So this is me - minus the fringe and wondering if I should have curled my hair (see, I’m still a stress head). I’m not 100% healthy or happy but I’m trying my hardest to get there. I’ve got a lot of things to figure out but this time I’m willing to try. I may not be a little six year old happily sitting on the beach, but I’m determined to approach life with that same open and curious mindset...and vampires beware, I’ll still stake and bury you, no questions asked if you try to bite!

______________________________________

That’s all for now folks.

Along the way Annie X came on the scene. I’ll explain my relationship with her in the next ‘session’.

Thanks, be kind to each other and I’ll see you next time R (and Annie X) x

#health #mental health #health & fitness #self improvement #getting rid of Annie X #getting healthy

1 note · View note

omgktlouchheim · 4 years

Text

Word Vomit Wednesday - Romanticizing Rejection

Welcome to Word Vomit Wednesday! A series of blog posts where I attempt to process thoughts and feelings around a specific topic or current events that I, and sometimes the rest of the Internet, ruminate obsessively about. All thoughts/opinions/experiences are my own (unless otherwise indicated); I don’t claim anything that I write to represent anyone other than myself.

Recently, I’ve made some more deliberate efforts to create community and meet people now that I’m more settled and steady in Tucson. This need to venture out and start testing the waters led me to sign up for a three-month virtual community that was being beta-tested by my life-coach. The calls were scheduled to happen once a month for two hours with a max of up to 30 people. They began with an exercise to ground us and any anxieties we might be bringing into the call, a brief ice-breaker to get acquainted with one another, then a specific topic that the majority voted for would be presented, either by my life coach or a volunteer from the group that we would build a conversation around. On the last call that we had in November, the topic was about rejection. Mostly around intimate or romantic relationships, although we also got into the ways we’ve felt rejected by others in often small, subtle ways that resulted in big impacts on our lives. Other than discussing those smaller moments I admit, I was not interested in the topic. I couldn’t quite figure out what was so compelling about rejection.

Then, as I do, I started thinking about it. I read a Refinery29 article that talked about the man who invented “Rejection Therapy,” a game where the aim is to get rejected by others to build resilience to the fear of rejection, and watched a TedTalk where another man who took the game and challenged himself to vlog getting rejected for 100 days and how it changed his life for the better. As I thought, and read, and watched I came to an understanding that underneath the blanket of “rejection” seems to be where the issues actually lie. Fear of putting yourself out there. Not wanting to open yourself up to potentially painful situations. Anxious/avoidant/dysfunctional attachment issues. Asking for help or for something that you want or need. Tapping into your own creativity. Setting a boundary. The rejection itself doesn’t seem to be the actual issue. The underlying issue is showing up in the world fully as yourself and the reality that you may have to make some tough decisions regarding your relationships when certain people are not so accepting. Sometimes the fear of rejection is also about how a rejection is relayed. Humans are notorious for responding to others in a multitude of fucked up ways. Ghosting, public humiliation, abuse, torture, condescension/belittling/minimizing, interrupting, ignoring, attacking, defending, stonewalling, projecting/deflecting, lying… the list goes on and on. Given all of this, I feel like rejection and the ways it can be demonstrated is more telling of the source and is imperative information to have for our own health and well-being.

Pain, in and of itself, is important. Not in the bullshit “no pain no gain” way, but in that it is a part of the human condition in the same way that joy, sadness, excitement and other emotions and sensations are a part of the human condition. When feelings come up for us, they present us with data based on internal and external stimuli and it is our job to interpret that data as accurately as possible to then take any action that may be required of us. We can have a tendency to have difficulty when thinking about our feelings this way because in this society we are essentially conditioned to cut off communication between ourselves and our emotions and other physiological sensations our bodies use to relay important messages to us. It can make it very hard, scary even, to retrain ourselves to listen to ourselves. Instead we choose to ignore feelings when they come up, maybe become annoyed with ourselves when uncomfortable feelings arise, binge eat to try to physically shove discomfort down, shop compulsively because we think something external will quiet or “fix” the internal, and develop a variety of other coping mechanisms because we don’t know what to do with them and probably had never been given the space to safely explore what they could be trying to tell us. When pain gets activated either physically or emotionally, it usually means a major boundary has been crossed, or something is wrong and needs to be checked out right away. When we stub our toe walking into the couch going from one room to the next in our house, we learn to pay more attention to our surroundings and adapt. When we’ve been running around from errand to errand all day and our body begins to ache, we know we’ve reached our limit and need to take a break. And when we come down with some illness and are coughing so hard that it hurts to even breathe, we go to the doctor. Because we feel pain, we are able to take charge and make any number of possible necessary changes to our lives. It can become trickier to know what action to take when our feelings get hurt (because it’s both a physical and largely internal response), but really the same principles apply. When someone says or does something that hurts your feelings you figure out what nerve that hit and determine if this is a person you keep in your life and to what extent based on your particular boundaries and needs. Easier said than done, I know.

On the flip side of this, and as the title of this essay indicates, we are not only a society that teaches us to fear pain and any “negative” feelings but we are also one that is OBSESSED with suffering. Everything from our narratives about tragic “starving artists,” the 24-hour news cycle, the internet, the romanticization of drama in our relationships, violence permeates almost every aspect of our culture. There is a huge difference between pain and suffering though. Pain, like I said before, is there to relay a message to us that we then interpret, take action on, and release. Suffering, on the other hand, is something we do to ourselves. We replay old narratives on loops that keep us trapped in emotional purgatory and we take our issues out on others instead of tackling them head on and making difficult but necessary changes in our lives. And sometimes we even allow and cause the suffering of others because we benefit from the exploitation of others. So, it’s entirely possible that it may not even be pain from rejection we’re all trying to avoid, but all pain because we’re already so overloaded with so much pain AND suffering. We are so desensitized to pain in a variety of forms, no wonder our relationship with it is dysfunctional. We may honestly, be too tired to even think about engaging with it. Unfortunately, when we ignore it we allow injustice to flourish and we lose out on so much. Not only do we not see all the choices and opportunities laid out before us, or take risks in relationships, we are so used to fear that we end up rejecting ourselves. Our worlds become so small and we do this to ourselves. And this is the main difference between pain and suffering. Pain releases when we recognize it and take action, suffering is what we do to ourselves by choice even when there are so many other options available to us.

We will often choose to reject and betray ourselves before stepping into the unknown. I am no stranger to this myself. There have been so many times that I had an inkling to do that thing or talk to that person or allow myself to want something and I never would. I would make up some excuse or other and not give myself a chance. “Well, if they’re interested they’ll say something. I don’t want to bother them.” “That sounds like a really cool job, but I don’t think I’m qualified.” “I’m not going to submit this project for the competition, I probably don’t have a shot at winning.” This year I’ve been recognizing many of the ways in which I reject myself, often so subtly, that I barely even know I’m doing it. Because it’s typically modeled and learned behavior and unless we start doing healing work, rejecting ourselves just seems normal. It takes a lot of work just to hear the whispers: “Don’t go out tonight, everybody sucks so it’s not like you’d meet anyone decent anyway,” “Don’t speak your truth because everyone you care about will abandon you,” “You have to hustle or you’ll never be worthy of success or love.” There are probably millions of examples and they’ll show up differently for different people. Not only do we adopt these behaviors and narratives, we let them drive everything we do because we believe they are part of our identities. It’s a lie. The fact is, you get to decide who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world. It takes practice, work, and a lot of self-discovery. We also face many obstacles and various forms of systemic oppression that are so much larger than any one individual, which can also be another reason why showing up as yourself can feel dangerous. As difficult and scary as it may be, it’s also worth it even if you don’t initially know how you’re going to do it or where it’s going to take you.

There’s this game I really like to play on my phone called Flow. It’s kind of like a connect-the-dots puzzle. You have a shape with multiple pairs of dots inside that you have to connect without impeding the other paths of the other connecting dots. What I like most about this game is that once you get one path, the other ones start to become more clear. Flow is all about taking that first step on one path and connecting the dots as you go. The paths are not always linear and straightforward. Sometimes there are twists, sharp-corners and backtracking. But once you start toward something; an idea, goal, etc., worlds you never knew existed start to open up. Toward the end of my studies to get my certificate in audio engineering and production the faculty held a competition for the post-production projects we’d been working on. I hadn’t planned on submitting mine even though I loved it and was really proud of the work I did and how it turned out. The moment I was aware of the competition I heard a whisper that said, “It’s probably not as good as other people’s.” Flash forward: I won first place. After seeing my project, a friend in my class said I should submit it. For whatever reason, I decided to internalize his belief in me and my talent and I went for it. Had I not done that I would have missed out, not only on winning the top prize, but on being asked about my process and being celebrated for something really cool that I did and integrating more self-confidence and the message that I deserve to be in the running for the things I want into my psyche. What I learned from that and other experiences since, is that on the flip side of rejection is courage.

Katie Louchheim would like to wish everyone a very Merry Impeachmas!

6 notes · View notes