You know what's truly devastating?
Jiang Cheng raised Jin Ling. Jiang Cheng doted on him and helped him and punished him and taught him and loved him–
Jiang Cheng loved him. He loved him so much that the boy may as well have been his own son. He loved him with a ferocity that burned brighter than Zidian's spark. He hovered over him constantly, he showed up on the boy's nighthunts.
He knows, now, what a parent's love feels like, because he feels it for Jin Ling with every breath he takes.
Jiang Cheng now also knows, really knows, that his father never loved him at all.
It's a bit of a surprise, even considering everything, but it's the truth. You couldn't be that indifferent to your child if you loved them. Jiang Cheng would never even consider treating Jin Ling the same way.
I wonder when, during the years he spent raising Jin Ling, did Jiang Cheng have that "oh" moment of realization.
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MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Lady Mo au?
a continuation of 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
Oh, A-Cheng.
Jiang Yanli's eyes burn but she doesn't let the tears fall through years of long practice.
When she'd woken and they'd told her that A-Cheng had killed A-Xian, she'd laughed.
It doesn't feel like a joke anymore, except for one where maybe she's the punchline.
She knows that he didn't mean to do it. She's not even sure that he did do it - the idea that shoving A-Xian off a cliff would do more than lead to some bruises is laughable. Maybe if he'd been exhausted, as he probably was, he could have broken something. There's no way, even at the height of A-Cheng's rage and grief when he thought her dead, that he'd meant for his blow to kill. That he would have thought that it could have.
Jiang Yanli reaches for her brother's wrist, feeling the strong thrum of his golden core under her fingers.
When Wen Qing told her what she'd done, Jiang Yanli almost regretted saving her, nearly ended her life herself.
It was only the knowledge that Wen Qing would have let her that stayed her hand.
When A-Xian went over the cliff, he didn't have a golden core. He hadn't had a golden core for years. Because he'd tricked A-Cheng into taking his.
For the first time, Jiang Yanli had hated him.
Still, Wen Qing had admitted that even without his golden core, she doubted the fall could have killed him. He'd endured worse without it and survived.
However. He hadn't lost quite so much then. He hadn't thought her dead then. It's possible it killed him because Wei Wuxian let it kill him. She'll never know if that's true. She hopes it isn't.
They never found a body. A-Cheng clings to that still, but there'd been plenty dead during the war that never left bodies behind. Besides, if he was alive, he would have come back. He would have heard that she was alive and came back to her even if he was convinced that A-Cheng never wanted to see him again.
He never came back. The only answer is that he's dead.
"Okay, A-Cheng," she says softly, patting the top of his head like when they were children. She wonders who he saw that reminded him of A-Xian, if someone laughed a little too loudly, if they were a little too rude or a little too bright.
"He did," he mumbles, turning into her hand. "But not even to us. Asshole."
"I know," she says. He'd most of the way asleep already. He probably won't notice if she starts crying too.
It kills her, but she'll never tell him to stop, never tell him why all his hope is wasted, why he'll never find A-Xian no matter where he looks.
She's never told A-Cheng the truth about his golden core and she never will. It would break him, to know that all that's left of their brother now sits in his chest.
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I am feeling the urge to write an AU where Jiang Cheng finds A-Yuan instead of Lan Wangji. And he’s conflicted and grieving and angry, but this is a toddler. Maybe a two or three years older than little A-Ling.
And because A-Yuan wasn’t hidden out in the elements for days like he is in canon, but this is relatively close to the battle itself, he isn’t as sick. He’s scared and confused and he’s crying silently for his Xian-gege, and when Jiang Cheng finds him, he looks terrified at the stranger and just starts wailing.
And Jiang Cheng is angry and grieving and this child is a Wen, and the Wen murdered everyone he loved, and the Wen are the reason his brother left him behind, but this is still a sobbing toddler that wasn’t even born yet when the Wen attacked Lotus Pier, a sobbing toddler who is crying for his Xian-gege to come save him, and as angry as he was, and as with as many people as he killed (because he was a soldier in a war, he’s killed many), he never killed a child and he wasn’t going to do it now.
So he awkwardly tries to calm the boy down, and when he cried himself to sleep, Jiang Cheng scoops him up in his arms and carries him off to Lotus Pier.
And it’s rough. Because the only acceptable way to go about this, about taking this boy in, is giving him his name. Making little Wen Yuan into Jiang Yuan. There is something wrong about it. About someone who belongs to those who took everything from him, having his name and his home.
He wonders if that’s how his mother felt, watching the son of the woman who took her husband’s heart run around her home.
There is something wrong about watching that child play and seeing the ghost of his brother, seeing his brother’s smile on his face and hearing his brother’s laughter from his mouth
He wonders if that’s what his father felt like, looking at Wei Wuxian and seeing the ghosts of the friends he loved.
And a realisation dawns on him that it doesn’t matter, because even though this child has the blood of his family’s killers, he can’t fathom the thought of hitting him with zidian. It makes him sick, to think of a child under that thing, or the many other punishments his mother found for them. For Wei Wuxian.
The boy calls him uncle Jiang, and Jiang Cheng remembers another voice calling that name excitedly across the piers, and wonders why his father, who everyone said loved Wei Wuxian, didn’t give him the protection of his name.
Jin Ling doesn’t grow up as alone, here. He has his big cousin Jiang Yuan, who is bright and confident and loves him a lot, and who he follows like a little duckling as he grows up. It’s only when they both grow up a little that they start finding things a bit odd, like how Jiang Yuan calls Jiang Cheng his paternal uncle, yet no one ever speaks of the man having a brother.
So they set to find out.
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