#nothing happened to cause my disability. i'm just like this. no i can't change it. what the fuck do you want me to tell you?

[databent]

why the fuck is it that some people cant seem to acknowledge that people can just... be disabled. not through any fault of their own, not because something "happened" to them, just because, you know, sometimes people have disabilities. like, come on

#.pdf #rd #kd #just a warning these tags are long. like. really incredibly long. i had thoughts. #sorry for the vague ass post i'm just upset about some stupid shit my dad said yesterday. #namely: outright telling me that he doesn't believe i have non-24 (circadian rhythm disorder). #and that even if i do he doesn't believe it's possible for it to actually be a lifelong and disabling condition. #*also: this post isn't meant to imply that disabilities that did have some inciting incident are more accepted or anything. #it's just that i'm frustrated with the “you're disabled? why? what happened?” sentiment a lot of people seem to have. #nothing happened to cause my disability. i'm just like this. no i can't change it. what the fuck do you want me to tell you? #i'd guess it probably has to do with society's focus on work and productivity and career-mindedness above all else. #and when someone comes along that doesn't fit in with the way things are structured it just doesn't compute. #because the idea of people who can't dedicate their entire lives to working is so fundamentally contradictory to their view of... i don't- #-know. meaning in life? fulfillment? that they feel a need to reject the possibility altogether. #this is mainly when dealing with invisible disabilities from what i've seen. because i think there's a tendency to view visibly disabled- #-people as belonging to a different category altogether. which of course is its own issue but i'm not visibly disabled so i don't feel- #-like it's necessarily my place to speak on that. #anyway. i just want my struggles to be acknowledged as real. because they are. and i need people to understand that I Have A Disability. #albeit one many people don't even believe could be real because there's a sort of belief that circadian rhythms are purely a product of- #-external forces like sunlight so “you can't possibly have yours be different and have you tried just going outside more?” sigh. #sorry i also just remembered my dad telling me he doesn't believe i can have something so rare because the chances of having it are too low. #which is some ridiculous logic to me. rare doesn't mean it's impossible. some amount of people have to wind up with it regardless. #i just lucked out i guess. #n24 tag

[nothorses]

TW: descriptions of ableism

More SpEd input, but this time from disabled students (US based, I have a 504 plan, my friend who is helping me write this has an IEP)

Especially needs to be more education about disability in rural/poor areas. Our district has very little funding, and most of what we get goes to sports. And while that's important (sports scholarships are one of the only ways some kids graduate) it leaves the other departments with nothing.

One of my teachers (not in SpEd) had a fundamental misunderstanding of what autism even was. He didn't understand how my autism caused me to not talk sometimes or need different instructions, and tried to deny my accomodations. Friend has been told she couldn't use the elevator while sitting in her wheelchair. Told to use the stairs in her wheelchair. The SpEd teachers are working overtime trying to educate their coworkers but aren't getting anywhere cause "that's not what I learned in school".

Side note: education not only about disability but how to include them/treat them better for both teachers and students. The full-time SpEd kids in my school are kept so separate that people have asked if we even have the program. I only see them on the way in/out of the building, or I hear them from down the hall. I don't know where their classroom is. I don't know their names. They clean the lunch tables for us after both lunch periods. I don't think they get a say in that. And that's fucked, they aren't free labor. I've heard their teachers talk badly to them. Say "calm down or you can't see your friends". That's also fucked. We're literally encouraged to not interact with them for some reason. And they're kept so away we can't. They don't look happy.

Sorry, got angry. tl:dr is more education training inclusion efforts and money needs to go to disability stuff in poor areas who don't usually get that. I think what my school does shouldn't happen.

That is incredibly fucked, I'm sorry. And unfortunately also not super far off from what I've heard, even in less rural areas- that kids enrolled in special ed programs and kept out of "mainstream" classrooms tend to be isolated & often mistreated by their teachers, and that there is very little oversight because of how "niche" the field is viewed.

There is unfortunately an issue of just, like, basic societal ableism that impacts how schools operate on that front; individuals are not isolated from broader society, and they're gonna absorb and bring into their jobs and schools the biases they learn from the people around them.

This is an issue in progressive areas as well, but you're absolutely right that the smaller and more rural districts often lack the resources, support, and education that larger and more urban districts benefit from.

I will say, though, that there is a pretty harsh racial divide here as well; even in large urban schools, the schools that are majority-BIPOC are still going to be underfunded and under-supported in comparison to the white schools in wealthier areas, with higher property taxes and, subsequently, more income to the schools.

Equalizing funding a little more would do a lot to this end, and so would better oversight. And also, it's a complicated and nuanced issue that needs attention on all fronts. You make a great point that some people just aren't going to "get it", even with better education; many of them would do better with more support, but a lot of what we need is in policy changes and how we educate future educators, too.

#education #disability #granted modern education of teachers is like. doing pretty fucking good #there are better programs than others FOR SURE #but damn I applaud the hell out of mine

[boliv-jenta]

Charlie SNL x f!reader

Warnings: Smut. Angst. Domestic violence. People being assholes about disabilities. Adjusting to disabilities.

Previous part | Masterlist

WC:3.7k

Moving On

"That's funny because I called your office. They said you were taking a personal day….." Daniel's words hung in the air.

The food that smelled so delicious before turned your stomach. "I…."

"You were with Charlie." It was a statement. His tone was the same as if he'd informed you that you were out of milk.

This scenario had played in your head a million times. In your head, he'd been angry, he'd be upset, he'd never been calm. With Chloe's words changing your outlook on your relationship, the calmness of his demeanour began to unnerve you. With no point denying it you spoke up "Yes." The word was strong yet you couldn't bring yourself to meet his eyes.

In your preferal, you watched him pour you both a glass of wine and begin eating his dinner. "It's okay. I'm not mad."

That brought your eyes to his. "You're not?"

"No. It was a mistake. We've all made them." It was stupid, hypocritical but your gut twisted at the implication that he had cheated on you. "But you're my wife, not his. We'll get past this."

"I don't want to get past this. I'm sorry, I should have told you. I didn't want to hurt you."

Daniel carried on eating as if this was just a normal evening meal, like you were just telling him about your day. "Like a said I'm not mad. It's done. There's nothing to be hurt about."

"Daniel. You're not listening."

The crash of his plate against the wall caused you to jump to your feet. "No. You're not listening. We're married. You're my wife. You're not going to leave me for some cripple. You're staying." He bellowed.

The side door was just a few feet away. Everything in you told you to run. Daniel always had a temper, he'd never hurt you before but you'd never left him before. Shaking, you took the slightest step towards the door. Daniel was round the table and in front of you before you could take another. Your whole body trembled. As he raised his hand you flinched. The hand came to the side of your face before cupping your cheek.

"Babe. No. I scared you. I'm so sorry. You don't have to be scared." He pulled you into a hug before peppering kisses over your face. "It's all okay. I still love you, let me show you." His hands moved to your hips dragging you against his obvious erection. The thought of him being able to get hard while screaming at you, sickened you.

Pushing down your fear, you placed your hands on his shoulders. "Daniel. No."

He stopped kissing you. His eyes bore into yours before he reacted suddenly, by dropping to his knees. "You can't leave. I'll be different. I know you're on the fence about having kids but we could have a family. Let me give you a baby." He nuzzled your stomach, pressing kisses to it. His hands gripped your hips tightly.

"No. That's not going to happen. Daniel. Please. Let me go." You tried to sound braver than you felt.

Pressing his forehead to where he pictured your future baby growing, he bursted into tears. Sobbed wracked his whole body as you peeled him off you.

"I'm sorry." You meant it as you backed up towards the door.

Thankfully, Daniel left it open while he was cooking. You were almost through it when your plate hit the wall next to you.

"I hope you'll be fucking happy helping him wipe his ass rest of your life. He probably can't even get it up to fuck you any more. You deserved each other. His body's broken and your fucking brain must be broken. Dumb fucking bitch…" The plate had scared you so much you froze but his furious tirade had you slamming the door and running to the neighbours house.

"...I just frozen. Then I knew I just had to get away." Exhaustion pulled at you when you finally sat in Chloe's living room recounting your day. "To think I was worried that having a cop as a neighbour might make us a target. If Tony hadn't been home, I don't know what I would have done. He went back to the house to get my purse. Daniel packed me some clothes, he insisted. Tony said he apologised over and over all the while. He told him to tell me he wanted me back."

"Fucking psycho." Chloe muttered as she poured another glass of wine.

"Tony then drove me to the station. He told me to make a report of Daniel's aggressive behaviour. The officers that took my statement told me to keep any evidence of anything further. Just in case I have to take him to court. I can't believe it. I know he could get angry but I've never been scared of him. I suppose I've never cheated on him before…"

"No! It doesn't matter if you cheated, there is no excuse for his behaviour. No excuse, you hear me?"

"Yeah. I know you're right. I'm just so tired. It's been a long day. Spending the afternoon with Charlie…"

"Which you will be telling me all the details of…" you yawned loudly as she spoke. "...tomorrow. Go to bed. I'll take tomorrow off. We'll stay in, binge a show, eat some junk food."

"That sounds good. Thank you so much."

"You've been here for all my break ups. I'm just returning the favour."

"Hey, Shirley. Hey, Miles." The rehab facility became a second home. Needing a fresh start, you'd quit your job. Taking one with a company that had been after you for a while. The gap between you leaving date and your new start date gave you time to sort your life out. Chloe was still letting you stay with her. It was touching how much she cared. The friendship between had always felt more like a familial relationship.

It was a relationship you were extremely thankful for as Daniel had made it his mission to make you the bad guy to your family and friends.

Strangely, he failed to mention his outbursts, his stalking behaviour or the restraining order you had to file against him.

Sadly, the members of your family that believed him would probably explain that all away. You didn't have a large family. It was mainly your mom and her sisters that raised you after your father died. You had a few cousins and that was it. Being the good God-fearing folk they were, you were instantly the bad guy who had to make it up to her husband. The words 'a baby will bring you closer together' were mentioned several times.

Luckily, you had Chloe, and with the support of Tony you managed to get all your things from your home. Tony had offered to stand guard while you two packed things up while Daniel was at work. It was strange trying to condense all your belongings down. There were so many things that you had bought but they had been for your home with Daniel. It seemed strange to take them with you, with no home to take them to, as a reminder of your home Daniel. In the end you were left with your clothes and a few boxes of personal stuff.

"Hey, Roberta. How did Charlie do today?"

Roberta was in charge of Charlie's physical therapy. As well as having to deal with all the bullshit in this world as a black woman, she was also born with Phocomelia, her left arm was only half formed. Woe betide anyone that tried to tell her they couldn't do something. According to her, if she could adapt to her situation, then her patients could give her one more step. Although, you didn't exactly agree with that outlook. We all have our own mountains to climb. We all have different ways of coping. There was no way you were brave enough to tell her that. The woman could wither you with a look.

"Hey, Sweetie. Charlie did well but…."

"But what?"

"Nothing, it's not my place to say. I'm here if you need anything."

The hairs on the back of your next stood on end. It had to be bad news, rushing along the corridor, you found Charlie sitting at the table by his window. The table was cluttered with small plastic pieces, some tools and little pots of paint. A few Warhammer figures sat on the window ledge. It had taken Charlie over a week just to make the first one. The next two were a bit quicker. The use of his hands was improving. They trembled less and were becoming stronger and more dexterous each day.

"Is everything okay?" The words flew out as you crossed his room.

"Good afternoon to you too." He chuckled rolling his chair back from his table.

"Hi." You left a quick kiss on his head before sitting down next to him. "Roberta made it sound like something was wrong."

"Oh, she did, did she? Well, she just tanked the Trip Advisor review I was leaving for this place."

"Charlie!" You sighed. Usually you loved his sense of humour. After his good looks, it was the next thing that attracted you to him.

At work there was always a buzz around Charlie. He gave off such an effortlessly fun energy. He never tried too hard or made jokes at anyone's expense. He knew when to leave a joke alone. His wit was razor sharp. It was his humour that had carried him this far. The rehab was taking a toll on him. The little reward for so much effort was weighing on him. He was making progress in becoming more self reliant. Transferring himself from his chair to his bed or the shower became a lot easier for him. The doctors still didn't know if he'd walk unaided again but that didn't stop Charlie putting the effort in.

"The company let me go. They found a way to accuse me of risking the family friendly reputation the company has with my affair."

"What?! They can't do that!"

"They can, Honey."

"Well, screw them. When you get out of here you can walk into any job you want." Part of you cringed at your choice of words.

"Yeah, I know I can roll right into a few jobs." The little laughter lines around his eyes crinkled as smiled. "The thing is…" he began letting his grin drop. "...my medical insurance runs out next week. My savings won't cover me for that long."

"Move in with me."

"What?"

"I was keeping it quiet until it was all done but I've bought a ranch house in the suburbs. We could easily get some modifications done. I can work from home while I get set up in my new job. I can be there if you need help."

"I know that your heart is in the right place with this. I'm just going to need some time to think this through."

"Of course, I…" His rejection choked you a little.

"Hey, hey, hey. Don't. I would love to live with you. To wake up with you everyday and just be with you whenever I want. I just can't help feeling bad that this isn't a choice we'd be making for those reasons and that I might have to rely on you for a lot of things. Just give me some time. Okay?"

"Of course."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"You wanna go for a ride?"

When you looked at him quizzically, he clarified. "On my lap. To the garden. No funny business. I'm getting stronger now. I could do with the challenge."

"Adding my weight would be a challenge?" You did your best to look mock offended but you couldn't help the smile at seeing Charlie ready for a challenge again. He was also so driven and determined. The clients always loved how he would go about and beyond for them. He'd do what they asked and then some. He was the same with you. He was never content to just go through the motions. There was effort put in and attention paid to everything he did for you.

It used to break your heart to see him do the same for Morgan but not get the same care in return. That's what had finally prompted you to open up to him. To tell him that you wanted more than just sex with him. You adored him and he deserved to be cared for as well as he cared for others.

Charlie held his hand out before bowing his head solemnly. "A challenge I would gladly accept, my love."

Carefully, you sat across his lap and wrapped your arms around his neck. Charlie had it all the way to the main desk before Roberta caught him. "Charlie! What do you think you are doing?!"

He stopped in his tracks at the sound of her voice behind him. Miles, a retired football coach, getting on his feet after a hip replacement, was still sitting doing his jigsaw. "You go for the end zone, I'll run interference."

Shirley, a nurse herself, who was hit by a car, sat opposite him finishing a scarf for her nephew. "Do you know how hard that woman's job is? I do." Charlie and Miles both hung their heads a little. Shirley then leaned in to add. "I also know she made me do two extra circuits yesterday so you be as big of a pain in her ass as you like."

Charlie took that at his cue to make a break for the door. The path was clear, everything was looking good except for the fact that Charlie didn't take into account that hitting the ramp outside at speed was like hitting a speed boost in Mario Kart. Hitting a rose bush, head on, at full speed was very much akin to taking a red shell to the face. Luckily, you were able to put your feet on the ground to steady Charlie and his chair.

"Whoa. I got you."

"I know." The grin that bloomed on his fave was far more beautiful than the blooms you nearly found yourself in. "You know I might need someone to keep me from totaling this thing. Maybe moving in with you would be the responsible choice."

"And you are nothing if not responsible." A smile spread across your face as you wrapped your arms around Charlie's neck.

Roberta's death stare was burning a hole in the back of Charlie's head as leaned in to kiss him. When you pulled back her gaze had softened. The softest look you saw on her face was when Charlie left the facility ten days later.

The house had been ready for you to move into. It was an open plan, single storey. The adjustments needed for Charlie were easy to make. Within a week you'd settled in together. Charlie was regaining his independence. He still had his physical therapy, your insurance cover him now that you lived together. His therapists were all impressed with his progress. He was strong enough to transfer himself everywhere he needed. Sometimes you worried he was overdoing it. Every night he was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He'd have his therapy, workout, do chores around the house. He didn't seem to rest. It was as if he constantly needed to move.

With the first full day off you had, a plan formed in your mind. A day on the couch binge watching John Wick before the new one came out. The snacks were bought, you were going to order takeout. There would be no reason to do anything but chill out.

There may have been an ulterior motive for your rest day. Since you went back to work and Charlie was busy all day before crashing at night, the physical intimacy between you had almost evaporated. There were a few kisses and hugs, when you left for work, when you came home, when you got into bed. That was it. Charlie was always so physical with his affection. Even just sitting with you he would keep a hand on you, or just the barest touch of his finger tips, just to keep contact with you. It was his love language. That was kind of how this whole thing started.

With one movie down, Charlie asked if you want to start the next. "We don't have to stay in all day you know?"

"I know. I want to. I've missed just cuddling you. It's been a long time since we just cuddled." It sounded pathetic when you said it out loud. With everything that you both had going on you were upset that you hadn't snuggled for a while.

"Oh, Sweetheart. I'm sorry. I guess it has." He pulled you even closer to him, where you had been tucked into his side now your knee was over his legs. You were fully pressed against his chest. As the movie played you traced patterns on it. He was warm and firm under your touch. This was the longest you'd had your hands on him in three weeks.

Even when you were sneaking around you never went that long without touching. The longest was nine days. Then he'd followed you into the copier room before locking the door. He'd taken you hard and fast, bent over a desk. One of his hands over your mouth, holding back all your moans. One had furiously worked your clit so you'd follow him quickly over the edge. He'd bitten into the material of your blazer at your shoulder to muffle his own sounds. The ones that escaped sounded like a chant of your name.

The heat of him next to you, along with the memory had you squirming in your seat.

"Exciting movie?" Charlie teased. As you looked up to answer him his lips met yours. They barely parted over yours and it only lasted a second but it was enough of a taste to have you panting for more.

"Or is there something else you've missed?" With his newly gained strength, he lifted you to straddle his lap like it was nothing. His lips returned to yours as his hands cupped your tits. He held the weight of them in his hands before stroking your nipples to peaks. Once he felt they were ready, his lips travelled downwards. He sucked and bit at them through your oversized t-shirt.

"I've missed you, too, Baby. Lemme see you." Charlie's hands left your chest only to help you with the shirt. The warmth of his hands soon returned. "Fuck. I've missed these pretty tits." His words tumbled out across your breasts, along with kisses. He took his time alternating between licking and sucking your aching nipples and rolling them between his fingers.

"Charlie. Please." You weren't sure if that was a plea for him to stop or give you more.

He decided to give you more. One of his hands massaged the tit he was sucking on with the other trailed down your stomach to the waistband of your leggings. The time it took him to push past it and finally touch your centre felt like an eternity.

"Charlie!" Even with that single touch you felt like you were close to coming. His finger dipping inside you to spread your slick over your clit pushed you even further.

"So wet. You missed me that much?" He muttered against the curve of your breast.

"Yes. I've missed you touching me." A flash of guilt crossed his handsome face at your words.

He opened his mouth to speak, only to close it and slip three fingers inside you. He kept them shallow. The stretch was pleasant, not too much, it was still overwhelming to have him inside you again. It was your turn to open your mouth when he started rubbing your clit with his thumb. It slid side to side with ease. It didn't take long at all for you to start fluttering around his fingers. A toe curling orgasm worked its way through your body. Your pussy clenched around his fingers. Your thighs clamped around his. Your fingers clutched at his curls. "Oh god. Charlie! Charlie." You all but sobbed at the waves of pleasure washed over you.

"There you go. I've got you." He soothed as he gently kissed your flushed flesh.

That should have satiated you, all it did was stoke your hunger. As soon as he removed his hand you dropped down against his crotch. Kissing him deeply, you ground your soaked cunt against him. It took you a while to feel it, or rather not feel it.

"Fuck." Charlie gripped your hips to stop you before dragging his hands down his face. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." You covered his hands with yours.

"No, it's not. It's…" a frustrated grunt punctuated his sentence.

"It's fine. Today was perfect."

"It has been. I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated." You eased off his lap. "It's like I take a step forward then two back. This whole time I've been thinking that this is just temporary. What if it's not? I've been working so fucking hard. What if I don't get back to how I was?" Tears welled in his eyes.

"I'm here for you. We'll deal with it together." At that point he started to shift towards his chair. "Charlie?"

"That's just it though we can't deal with it together. This is my problem. I'm the one who apparently can't get his dick up. I'm the one that couldn't beat the shit out of your ex when he was scaring you. I'm the one that needs help." His voice was breaking as it all came out. Just as the tears started flowing he backed away from you.

Tags @kirsteng42 @prolix-yuy @thegreenkid2 @hquinzelle @fangirl-316 @gracie7209 @jedifarmerr @doommommy @scorpio-marionette @sturkillerbase @harriedandharassed @aynsleywalker @mswarriorbabe80 @quica-quica-quica @rise-my-angel @adancedivasmom @graciexmarvel @kinda-nobody @movievillainess721 @munsonownsmyass

"Charlie." You had nothing else to say. How did you not realise that he'd been so optimistic all this time because he thought this was just a problem he needed to work hard to solve? You had always accepted that this could be a new way of life for both of you. Since Charlie seemed to accept it too, you had just gone about setting up your new life together. Now you had no idea what life held for you as you watched him leave.

Next

#pedro pascal character fanfiction #charlie snl x f!reader #charlie snl

[fallenwhumpee]

Hello! I’ve been rereading recently some of your stories and I must say that I really like your writing :)

So… if you don’t mind…👉👈 I have a small writing request for you (It’s cliche but I don’t care, cause I love this prompt):

Two characters are given an important task: they should steal something from a well-guarded facility. The thing is, these characters aren’t really doing well together. One of them is a little slimmer and shorter than their partner (they are also the cocky one) and they have to crawl/get into the place where the item is contained. So, the item is successfully stolen, but on the way back, the cocky character gets shot with a drugged dart or something like that. Maybe they don’t really notice at first.

The other character has to carry both the item and their not-feeling-so-well partner :3 Or will they finally use the opportunity and leave that annoying little bastard at the hands of their enemies? It’s up to you :)

Hi Anon! You flatter me <3 And please don't be shy. I love requests! (Also, let's be honest, we all love cliches. It's only a matter if its done well or not. I hope I can be on the former part.) Please enjoy my short try.

Idiot

• Masterlist •

Warnings: Drugging, abandoning.

Whumper was furious.

Whumpee was the most ridiculous, most annoying person ever. Their cockiness knew no bound (Whumper ignored that they sounded like a hypocrite— they always did).

"Are you even listening?" Whumper snarled.

"Yes, well, we have been looking at the plan for hours. It's not changing today, and it definitely won't change when I get in, too." Whumpee smiled arrogantly.

"Don't forget that the disk—"

"The disk is in a cylinder that is covered with a drug that is absorbed through skin, and we don't know what that drug does. I'll keep my gloves on." Whumpee said with a bored voice.

Whumper glared at Whumpee. This attitude was going to he the end of Whumpee. "Yes. Remember it well, idiot, or I'm leaving you there."

Whumpee smirked. Whumper wanted nothing more than wiping that arrogant smile from their face.

In less than five minutes, the black van dropped them a hundred meters away from the building. Whumper moved to the big maintenance tunnel. Though, worryingly, the space got smaller and smaller until Whumper's bulky shoulders started to touch to the sides.

"Here ends your plan," Whumpee chuckled.

"Just shut up and get the flash disk," Whumper grumbled.

Whumpee disappeared from their sight. Meanwhile, Whumper occupied themselves with exploring the other vents— they stopped just over the meeting room. When they realised that it was empty, they opened their computer and disabled the cameras there, connecting to a port as they closed the security system around the cylinder.

"Ugh. This place is so filthy." Whumpee whined.

"Stay focused." Whumper returned.

"Can't you be more understanding?" Whumpee snarled as an opening sound came. "I'm in. Just need a password."

Whumper hacked into the system again, from backdoor they left this time. It took a few minutes to find where it was stored and another few minutes to crack.

When footsteps came, Whumper left the security system as they used the table as a step stool and got back into the vent, closing the grille. Whumper let out a nervous breath when the room filled with people, but no one remarked on a change.

"Perfect." Whumpee grumbled.

"What happened?"

"The otomatic glass on the cylinder closed, and now my right glove is stuck under it. You did a perfect job, Whumper."

"It's not my fault that I had to disconnect. I'm not getting caught for your sake. And stop whining. You can get out with one glove."

Whumper heard a sigh before they heard Whumpee climb back to the vents. They meet in the middle, Whumpee carrying the cylinder in their gloved hand. They left the cylinder on the floor as they slumped and leaned to the wall of the vent.

"See? It's not a big deal." Whumper said through their gritted teeth.

"That glass could chop my fingers!" Whumpee shouted.

Whumper immediately closed their mouth, voices under them continuing to chatter undisturbed.

Whumper took the cylinder, pushing it to Whumpee's chest and snarling a shut up. Whumpee held the item with both hands before taking it with their right hand and crawling after Whumper.

They went in silence for a while before Whumper was pulled by their leg to demand attention.

"What's it again?"

Whumpee was staring at them, eyes glassy and dazed. Whumper immediately took the cylinder and helped Whumpee to lay down.

"I told you so." They murmured as Whumpee lifted their hand and failed to hold it. Whumper swore. "I'm not carrying y—"

The ground of the vent couldn't carry their weight.

Whumper groaned as they blinked, their body aching, especially their head. Whumpee was lying on the floor, unmoving.

A loud alarm wailed.

Whumper didn't think. They had told Whumpee that they would leave Whumpee there.

They grabbed the cylinder and ran.

#hi im not dead #whump #whump writing #ask #tw drugging #abandoned

[eloquentornot]

Remember this post and how I assumed that I wouldn't be able to tell if there had been any mysterious notes left for False because it's just the world download and not the server itself?

Well.

I was wandering around near fWhip's area, and I decided to have a look at the Fae villagers in the mushroom circle, see if they still had their custom trades, and as soon as I crossed the threshold of the circle, something popped into my inventory! Allay sounds with no allays in sight! Aaaaahh!!!

(Perhaps it is worth noting here that, when I first opened the world download, I spawned inside Gobland itself. I presume this is just because that's where fWhip logged off for the last time when he was preparing the world for download, but it's quite interesting that I should receive a note intended for a member of the very empire I just so happened to start in!)

A note presumably for fWhip, then, asking for a fresh modern day version of the ancient creeper skull the Fae got Jimmy to get them that time, most likely. Perhaps this was made for fWhip before he decided not to get involved in the Fae storyline, or something?

Still though, the fact that whatever caused these notes to appear is still active in the world download after all... I suppose maybe there never was anything set up for False, at all? Or perhaps she or someone else did activate it, and it was never shown?

The Fae still have their custom trades, by the way.

But still, this is the same mushroom circle where other quests took place. I wonder how the command blocks knew which players to give which books. Maybe it was a combination of command blocks and admin invisible players, for the more complex interactions?

...Was this intentional, for the world download? Were we meant to be a character from Gobland, getting this note? But I was put into creative mode by default, stuck in that mode with commands disabled, I had to "open to LAN" to enable cheats and get spectator or survival mode, so it can't have been intended for a survival experience! (Unless I somehow messed something up? I didn't change any settings at all, though. I'm playing in 1.20.1, if that could make any difference.)

I got a creeper head from the creative inventory and placed it, and dropped one on the ground, but nothing seemed to change, so I picked them up again. (I've been trying not to change anything in the world so far, and if I do ever make my own build in it I'll make sure to take screenshots of how the area looked before.)

But I did notice when I placed the head, particles of a sculk sensor. I enabled cheats again and went into spectator, finding one command block, the source of the allay sounds!

But, I looked around some more, and I couldn't find any others. I'm still not totally sure how that book got in my inventory. Maybe there's an even more well hidden command block somewhere else. Maybe there are things hidden under the plant I found near Cogsmeade that I couldn't see in spectator mode, solid blocks with no air between...

I'd have to totally dig the areas up to be sure, and I don't want to do that just yet.

Even though I was flying around in creative mode, it was such a shock to suddenly get a Fae note, to hear the sounds!! This is amazing, and I'm definitely looking forward to finding even more secrets next time I explore!

(Contents of the book under the cut.)

Page 1:

Hello Tiny Creature

What is it you do all day in the caverns of Gobland that you so rarely visit the surface?

Perhaps you are counting your trinkets and polishing your treasure...

Page 2:

We have a proposition for you, tiny creature.

A small favour for us in exchange for pure raw gold!

All we ask for is a creeper skull. A fresh specimen for us to study...

(Page 3 is blank.)

#empires smp #fwhip #empires smp fae #empires world download exploration

[mdhwrites]

There's something I don't understand... since the Collector (or one of his siblings) trapped the owl beast in the scroll, but couldn't the Collector remove Eda's (and by extension, Lilith's) curse and free the owl beast from her body since he's basically a young god? Even if they insist on treating the curse like a chronic illness, it wouldn't have hurt to mention it since it just seems like a plot hole.

So the only time this would matter would be in the epilogue. Otherwise, the Collector is never on Eda and Lilith's side and so doing a kindness of that sort for them wouldn't make sense. Maybe taking it away to depower them while the Collector is ruling the Isles but that's frankly more work than just turning them into a puppet. Should he have done it at the end? Eeeeh. I think the creators reasonably decided that Harpy Lilith would be a flashier way that more fans would want to see as a resolution to the curse than simply getting rid of it. It also allows those who see it as a disability or chronic illness to not just have a god whisk away those issues but instead see how these characters are thriving in spite of it. Not that I'm too happy with the allegory in the end with the Harpy forms, I'd rather be rid of my own disability frankly than pretend it's a superpower but *shrug*.

I wouldn't call this a plot hole though. Nothing is actively contradicting this point or is missing from the logic of the show's events to justify it as one. That's what causes plotholes after all. When something actively goes back on what it has shown or done or blatantly changes the rules of reality for what it wants to do. I would personally argue that TOH's biggest plotholes either go to A: Why the fuck was Belos able to make a portal out of a stone arch and Titan's Blood and LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE and it worked better somehow than the explicit instructions that he himself left on how to make a portal door? There's just a LOT of levels of bullshit and contradictions that we're never going to get an explanation for. B: "How do we stop this draining spell that kills people by feeding on their magic?" "I know! Let's mix it with a curse that turns people into monsters by feeding on and corrupting their magic!" And then everyone should have just stared at whoever offered that idea before immediately moving on with the meeting like nothing had happened and that person hadn't said anything. And yes, it's trying to play off of Eda's Requiem but in that, I never got the feeling of "This weakened the spell," I got the feeling of "OH! This made it so she has a disintegration spell!" because let's face it: Her and Raine's spell was not WEAKER than anything else Raine could do. Not if it was their only option to nullify, stop and then murder two coven heads who were actively trying to find them.

God this show's writing got stupid. Then again, in both cases you have plot holes that exist because, well... The show wrote itself in a corner. The show spent so much time on Belos' backstory and on Hunter and Lumity in S2 that they hadn't actually come up with a real way to stop The Day of Unity. Even if you do want to use Eda's Requiem as an excuse, they also have to retcon in that same scene the fact that Darius, Eber and Raine can't just sit out the ceremony anymore like they had previously established, making the one way they HAD established to beat it not matter anymore, even though Odalia could have just told Luz about an off screen raid that was happening on the CAT's hideout and effectively nothing changes except Eda doesn't lose an arm. The other is of course the portal. The portal not working immediately is a cool idea but one they don't explore AT ALL. And it presents the obvious problem of "Okay, what was the missing piece?" Yes, Belos theoretically knows that piece but even his Isles door looked like it needed a lot of extra elements to function and work properly that let you assume that what Luz had gotten before was a prototype door, not the real thing. But... Then it's literally just a stone archway and liberal application of Titan's Blood because Belos is a monster and can't have gotten the materials for a proper door anymore. What leads to these moments in both cases aren't bad ideas but they're also stepping away from the fantasy genre without knowing why the genre uses these tropes. Why can't you just remove one of the things necessary for the villain to win is a common problem for a lot of fantasy stories and most are just smart not to EVER BRING IT UP because of it. Magic working on the first try may not make sense but it means that there isn't further experimentation that's required, or the spell only works once before devouring itself or the like, a trope TOH even played into because suddenly the door required more Titan Blood every time it was opened and yet the key isn't fully drained after probably hundreds of years. It's all a part of that feeling of TOH wanting to be smarter than it's writers are. At least for this genre.

#The Owl House Criticism #TOH Critical

[merlions]

Ok so Can I Just Ask rhetorically into the air (unless someone has an answer lol I would not say no if anyone offers insight here, im just not specifically asking for it cause i dont know for sure an answer even exists i guess) but when everyone tells u to "feel your feelings" likeee....then what?

Like I keep getting the advice esp in recovery that I gotta "feel my feelings" and "recognize your feelings" but then when I'm like ok. Im doing it. I'm having a panic attack and throwing up from guilt and shame. What do I do about that. And they're like "oh no just feel them!!!"

(Also "shame is bad but guilt is constructive" OKAY. SO JUST feel DIFFERENT feelings? Than the ones I have. Hrrrghhh)

Like I feel like I missed some regular human memo here like there's supposed to be something I Know what to do but I don't know what it is.

Tbh it's the same feeling I get when people keep telling me to like believe in spirituality things or else I won't be able to stay sober. I keep being like so...how do I do that? Like how does it matter to me if there's a god, if also there's literally no guarantee that god won't do something terrible for some "greater purpose" and i cant change that? Like you want me to feel safety from that? All this bad stuff was planned by someone? How does that make it feel less bad? (What sort of sicko- )(sorry lmao I didn't realize I had anger issues w god til I was told I have to actually believe in one)

I keep asking people to describe to me what exactly it means to believe in something spiritual, to them, as if I am a human being who was born blind and never seen color, and they need to describe why some colors are "happy". Or like i'm an alien who has never eaten food and you gotta explain how something can taste "salty". I know that's not the best metaphor and is kinda appropriative of other disabilities that I don't have, but I just mean like can someone try to get SORT OF creative with trying to put this in context for me??? Cause just saying "just do it!!" absolutely does nothing for me! It doesn't make sense. Teaching a human being how to fly by saying "just move your body through the air to where you want to go". Honey. I do not know how. And I cannot learn how via this method. It is not going to work no matter how many times you say it. You are going to have to try something else.

Anyways some shit happened that's ultimately fine and I know WHY I'm having bad feelings and it's not a resolvable situation really, the thing has happened and it can't un-happen, and like I know I'm getting angry cause I'm embarrassed and upset w myself, and that they're not at fault and ultimately it is really truly for the best and actually makes my life better in the long run and I was nice about it and so were they. But like...I'm still angry and sad and embarrassed. Knowing why I feel bad doesn't make me not feel bad, it just makes me angrier with myself for not being able to control it.

And I don't want to feel it cause it hurts and there's nothing I know how to do about that besides drink. Which I am not gonna do, to be clear, but I think is understandable in a recovery space, that we are all alcoholics cause we never learned to deal w feelings any other way. All the advice from my counselor and sponsor and everyone these past 9 months of recovery has mostly just been "try to identify your feelings and feel them". Like I do literally nothing but hyperfixate and ruminate on feelings if im not numbing them and trauma splitting...if I'm not supposed to numb them out I'm Just Going To Need A Bit More Information. Yknow?

#emetophobia -/ #personal -/ #idk yoooo what are feelings. we just dont know #vent post -/ #hrgh ask me to tag i think i missed stuff #ed -/ #kinda

[blue-kyber]

I'm looking for another job at a different restaurant.

In one application, they ask why I left my current job (which I haven't. I'm still there until I can get another job).

This is what I wanted to say:

--------------

I was forced to sign a warning accepting responsibility for something I didn't do. I was told - and I quote, "I'm sorry, but your best isn't good enough." I'd worked there for two years without an issue like this. They said accepting responsibility for something I didn't do builds characters. Which it doesn't. I've done that all my life, and all it did was harm my mental health and turn me into a doormat once others found out I wouldn't fight back out of fear and hypersensitivity. Then they said I was lucky they didn't take the mistake out of my paycheck - which they are not allowed to do by law and had no right to threaten me with that in order to gaslight me think they were doing me a favor. I know my rights. I saw right through it. They also tried to gaslight me into believe I was the one at fault. I refused. That only angered me more, and them, since their attempts failed. I couldn't leave that table until I signed it despite pleading my case. I am a sensitive person with RSD (rejections sensitivity dysphoria), so I had difficulty arguing my case due to my history of being a whipping boy, and my effort going into staying strong. I cried later, and felt raw and beaten for the next few days.

This is 100% not the first time this has ever happened. Yet I get up, and keep going like nothing happened. They know I am an ADHD autistic person. They know I work my hardest at giving my customers a good experience while facing more problems than a neurotypical person. They know I am managing it through medication and CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). I always get my work done with little to no accommodation (like taking a few minutes from sensory overload, or having understanding that some things are just harder for me to process. What they did do was let me keep my silent fidget toy, and agreed to letting me work 4 days instead of 5 so I have time to recover for the next week.) Battling an overload, burnout, or shutdown, or all-of-thee-above simultaneously and still mask takes a large amount of energy. But I still do my job with a smile and give my best customer service. Both of what I struggle with daily are state recognized disabilities. I can support myself, but it's harder for me. It's very energy draining to constantly mask, which is why I can only work 4 days a week - by my doctor's recommendation to help avoid burnout and meltdowns/shutdowns. To be told "Your best isn't good enough" invalidates the hard work and effort I put in to doing my job. It shows me that they don't care. Someone's best changes from day to day. I am a firm believer that there's always room to learn and grow, and take opportunities to go above and beyond to give my customers a good experience. What that warning and statement said to me is that they don't believe I understand these concepts. Being ADHD and autistic doesn't automatically make me an idiot with no ability to reason or conceptualize. I can't work for someone willing to throw away my two years of accomplishments in favor of one customer having an issue that they aggressively blamed on me to avoid admitting they were wrong. Since it's my word against the customer's, and my employer believes in the outdated and incorrect 'the customer is always right' rule, I - an employee they know and trust, with no record of delinquency, who has never lied about what happens at work, and admits when I did make a mistake, and works to avoid repeating that mistake - was forced to take the fall without an iota of understanding.

I am not a problem employee. I actively avoid causing drama. That negativity literally hurts me. If someone else is getting reprimanded in front of me, I feel it. I stay away from it. I work to keep the environment either neutral or positive.

I was punished by way of having my tables limited to 4 for 3 weeks, two 5 hour shifts switched out for 3 hour shifts, and one 6 hour shift switch to a 3 hour shift. In the 6 hour-turned-3-hour, I was taken off server duty and delegated to handle to-go orders. (they gave me 2 tables, which my coworker tries to seat people at, but you know customers - they will sit wherever they want). All of these changes heavily affected my finances, and now I'm struggling just to make rent. As of last week, they began alternating sections for the servers. I won't be surprised if they say they'd always done that, and I'd been assigned to one section that whole time. Before this incident, my coworker and I swapped off every other table to make it as fair as possible, and would offer tables if the other was lacking. Immediately after I had to take the fall, I was confined to one section. I wasn't even allowed to help my coworker when they had to handle two busy sections on their own - which was not only unfair to me, but unfair to them, and the customers. They got a frantic server while I had 4 tables, and all I could do to help was run food, make drinks, and get supplies ready so my coworker wouldn't have to take extra time for that.

If they had written me up and left it at that, I'd be mad about being wrongly accused, but I would have eventually let it go. A coworker said this happens to other servers there, too - it happened to them - and to just accept it. And I would have had they not added on that punishment. Adding that punishment is what pushed me to look for new work. It's very sad, because I honestly do enjoy working there. I love the crew, the food is delicious, and the customers are cool. I love my regulars. But I can't work for a company that forces their employees to take the blame for something they didn't do, and sabotages their employees' income as a punishment.

----------------

It may be a little long winded. But hey, they asked. And my neurodivergent ass gave them the exact reason.

#service industry #restaurant work #server #work problems #life #ADHD #autism #hardships in the workplace #What do you guys think? Too much? How can I condense it to remain concise #and still give the full picture. #See what I mean when I say it's hard for me to write short stories? :)

[churgercheemz]

What is the point anymore?

Theirs always gonna be somebody better than me

WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT IF I HAVE NO SKILL NO TALENT AND NO KNOWLEDGE?, I'M A FAILURE

A FAILURE

I can't do nothing right, I can't even kill myself because I'm to weak for that 😄

Fuck you Morals and beliefs ^^ without you I'd be dead already and all this shit would be over, everything would be better and I wouldn't be here to waste space

Nothings even WRONG with me, I ain't got not disabilities or mental shit besides depression, I just happen to suck, I just happen to be a disgraceful peace of shit, a disgraceful idiot who can't even make it a day without a suicidal breakdown, why do you guys even bother to help me?, sure I appreciate it but you know it's gonna be short lived before I do it all over again, I'm a lost cause and their nothing no one can do not even myself can do to make all this at least a little easier

"Try harder" DOES NOBODY REALIZE HOW HARD I TRY?, AM I JUST THAT PATHETIC?

So pathetic that it's like I'm not trying? Does it just seem like I sit around and do nothing? Am I that worthless that you all think I'm nothing? NEWSFLASH BITCHES, I'VE BEEN TRYING MY FUCKING HARDEST!!!!

I'm failing school and theirs no hope to fix it :D, two trimesters of f's are unfixable, I can try all I want but I can't even last a full week at school, I can't even last 3 days straight ^^, I'm pathetic and dumb

My mental health is fucking non existent I'm lying here unable to sleep typing a fucking rant cause I have no better way to share my feelings

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE!!!

I've been masking and copying so long I don't know who I am, I'm just a fucking failure trying to exist and get better though all of my effort is in vain, I can't even express myself without getting ridiculed, I'll never be a real girl or a real anything CAUSE I'M NOTHING, I can't help nobody, I can even provide comfort, all I do is hurt, if I'm being honest I get a sick sense of joy from it, I want to make somebody hurt like how I hurt, I DON'T WANNA BE LIKE THIS, I DON'T WANT TO HURT PEOPLE 😁

The worst part is nobody can make me feel better nobody can tell me it'll be ok without lying their ass off, I want to get better and I want to be able to help people BUT THAT'S JUST ONE OF MY DREAMS, MY FARFETCHED UNACHIEVABLE DREAMS

All my dreams went away when my dad died, the dream I counted on the most was shattered, I don't know why I love him, he hurt me more than anyone else, all I wanted was to please him and to be there for him, all I got was a beating while he went to screw the neighbors and take care of their kids, and he'd come back drunk or stoned ready to beat you for looking at him wrong, he sold all mine and my brothers toys and Skylanders for drugs, after he left I got a second chance but I fucked that up to :3

I was a brat I can't lie but I never wanted him to leave, I thought he was good but he had to go and comit one of the worst things you can do, get taken to jail and eventually prison, and I still love my stepdad, my step family doesn't like me to much anymore despite being close before they were taken away for some shit their dad did, they're right to hate me, everyone I right to hate me because I'm useless, just a sack of flesh rotting away after every day

Most of the time I feel stuck in my own damn mind unable to change anything while I'm trapped in a body i hate as a person I hate, I don't see how anybody can love me, when I ask why they say I'm cool but what have I done to deserve it?, I've just existed and failed to help people 😀

I'm worthless

My opinions don't matter, my thoughts don't matter, and my feelings don't matter. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I can't do anything

[thegeminisage]

tng update time. a day or more ??? ago i watched "the outrageous okona" in several bits and pieces, and then last night i caught "loud as a whisper."

the outrageous okona: this one is...fine? i think it seems better than it actually was due to being in the first two seasons in tng

i liked okona and i really liked the plot twist about him not actually doing any crimes whatsoever but instead playing messenger boy for his buds. that part was good. appearances deceiving etc, and he pulled a very clever stunt to get them to admit the truth. unfortunately by the time i started liking him the episode was over. so.

did NOT like the "data can't be funny" plot...like, he did define a joke in an earlier episode, and it frustrated me that he seemed to have forgotten the definition and NO ONE would explain it to him. they just kept going "you gotta feel it bro"

personally, i think if data was told the definition of a joke, and had the concept of comedic timing also explained to him, he could master the art of TELLING jokes, even if he himself never felt or even understood the urge to laugh. it's just ai learning. i guess in 87 they just hadn't conceived of it.

i did like the part where guinan was like just bc you cant laugh or make other people laugh doesnt mean you're not human...it was kind of the narrative to want to be accepting of his differences...but at the same time the whole premise felt so terribly unfair to him it's not enough to save it

also, the jerry lewis moment has uh...aged. a lot of those jokes aged

speaking of data, he had several good ace moments in this episode. "sexual attraction is not a part of my programming" and "i don't believe it's true that the act and emotion of love are the same thing" etc etc. i don't know if i believe in ace data because again you cannot be making the robots ace but i do deeply respect people who do and i'm happy for them that this was in this episode. if stuff like this keeps happening you could win me over maybe. MAYBE.

loud as a whisper: WWWWOW 10/10 EPISODE.......a rare win for early seasons tng......

first of all, that one guy speaking through those other people was COOL. like at first it was a bit creepy, are they his thralls or what, are they ok, why does he keep flirting with deanna in the workplace, but after it was explained that they were interpreters and after riva got angry that picard spoke to them instead of him it was like. YES. this is the shit. his interactions with deanna became a lot less skeevy once you realize his interest is genuine and benign and he's not some megalomaniac psychic nutjob

his conversation with geordi...like yes it's a little on the nose to be like "my disability is part of me and i like who i am so i like my disability" but this was 87. some people hadn't gotten it yet. i mean hell a lot of people still haven't yk

offering geordi a cure out of nowhere when they previously said it was impossible is wack BUT I DID REALLY LIKE that even though geordi's condition causes him chronic pain he still didn't leap at the chance to have his sight restored. like that's his way of existing and being alive and nobody would choose to change it on a dime unless it was causing them nothing but abject misery...like it's such a nice way to communicate that geordi values the different way in which he sees the world

not to be like sooo personal on a fucking tng liveblog post and definitely not to be like "being blind is exactly the same as x" bc it's absolutely not but things like being ace or having adhd/a multitude of other mental illnesses have caused me so much FUCKING grief over the years but if someone came along and offered to magically fix me like...it's such a fundamental part of Who I Am and how i experience being alive that if i was fixed i might not be me anymore and you can SEE THAT like you can quite literally see the gears turning in geordi's head and it's so fucking good. i love geordi so much he's my best friend

today i still have to do "the schizoid man" and "unnatural selection" hopefully before 730pm where we will finally do "a matter of honor" and "the measure of a man" together. AUGH

#personal #star trek blogging #tng lb #breakneck pace on these tng episodes here on thanksgiving eve. fuck.

[keagan-ashleigh]

I have some new followers so I guess it's time to do another little presentation post 😌

About me

Hi! My name is Keagan, but also Clémentine (my birthname - you can use both, you can call me Clem too). I am currently 34, I live in France (in the south), and I am a graphic designer and illustrator - and hopefully in a couple months aspiring web designer 🤞

I am a proud bisexual & greysexual (I'll often just say "ace").

And I am nonbinary: I think genderfluid - I identify as woman sometimes but many other times this just makes me feel like it's not really me, it doesn't quite fit. I identify sometimes as a woman - I identify with what women experience also, I am a feminist and my experience is one of a woman, and although I don't identify as woman most of the time I feel to be part of it - and most of the time as nothing at all.

Edit, I forgot the pronouns : she/they (elle/iel or ael in french); I don't have preferences, but I've been called "she" all my life and very rarely experienced being addressed with "they" so I'd really like people to use it more. 😊

Also I am disabled: I am autistic - not diagnosed yet but I have just started the process of getting it diagnosed. I also have dyscalculia, and chronic pain (my squeleton is sliiightly crooked, not much but enough to cause me immense pain 🥲 - in knees, back, and hips) - I also have generalised anxiety disorder and depression. And I am short-sighted and I have tinnitus, and a couple other things.

I have been touched by a bitch of a fairy at birth I tell you 😂

I am very open about all of this so if you happen to need someone to talk to about those subjects, I'm here, I can't provide answers but I can share my experiences.

About my blog(s)

I have a blog for my art here: @keagan--ashleigh ; both are me, I've just put an extra dash as to not confuse people when they see 2 usernames interacting with them 😅

I have been on this blue hell since 2012, at first I had an aesthetic blog but it very quickly became a social justice blog, and I created a side blog (this one) for fandoms, at first mainly spn, then BBC Sherlock, and although I kept the title and decorum it returned to its multifandom/multisubjects state.

I also talk about other subjects occasionally, it's not a one-subject blog, I often blog & reblog funny stuff, social justice, etc.

I occasionally post in french but I have associated Tumblr with english strongly - I will maybe introduce a bit more of french in here idk.

I usually liveblogs Eurovision, the past years I have been doing that on Twitter bc it's hard to livetweet and liveblog at the same time but if twitter goes down I'll come back here lmao. And on twitter I also sometimes livetweet Top Chef in french but I might to that in here as well if I can't on Twitter idk - is there an audience for that here idk 😅

Most of my french specific stuff where on twitter, like I said I have associated tumblr with english and international stuff, and I don't know how I'll gonna get my french internet experience back in tumblr, we'll see but maybe you'll see more of my french specific stuff in the future, or I'll make a third side blog idk yet.

Worth to note I have a tagging system on both my blogs - and I tag the spoilers (unless for some reason I forget).

I often vent in the tags - it was, in this regard, better when ops couldn't see the tags in their notifications :o) I feel exposed now 😭

My ask box is always open.

About fandoms and opinions

My fandoms are: BBC Sherlock, Supernatural, Marvel, Our Flag Means Death, What We Do In The Shadows, Good Omens, Doctor Who, etc

My favorite ships: johnlock, destiel, Aziraphale & Crowley, lokius, nandermo, gentlebeard, 13th & Yaz, etc

About opinions and discourses:

I am a ship and let ship kind of person but that doesn't mean I approve of everything. I will never use the terms proshipper/anti because those words have been bastardised and the definition changes everytime I see it show up - so it's better if I just tell you what I like and don't like: I do not like incest ships, I do not like pedo ships, I am not against the fact of writing about those things but I don't like them being romanticised and glorified even. And no I don't think "it's ok because it's fiction" - whether it be fanwork or else what is written or shown in fiction has an impact on the real world, always, in a positive or negative way.

I will not engage in discourses about that though because it is tiring and useless.

I will not engage in ageist discourses either because - yes I think it's stupid to say fun has an end for people when they reach 30 but time will prove ageist people wrong and it's just sound stupid to me to have fights with literal kids over this. I'd rather enjoy my shit in my corner and not bother or be bothered by any of this.

I see a lot of ageism and condescendance from older people as well and I don't like that, being young doesn't mean people's inputs and opionions are wrong. About the fact joy must end at 30, yes, but cutting the discussions short (on various subjects) with "young people are so prude now / they don't enjoy anything/ yadda yadda"... no. No let's not do that. Times are changing and maybe some things we thought were ok then are not ok now and before we shut them up I think maybe we should listen and question what we think is true, let's not become the boomers of this generation ok, let's keep our minds open and be critical of ourselves first, we might at worst expand our worldview. And of course it goes both ways. Respect goes both ways.

At large, I will mostly enjoy my stuff and not engage with negativity, i do not have the mental health to deal with that, if people are wrong let them be wrong in their corners. Not saying I will never engage in any sort of argument but I'd rather stay away from most (especially those 2 I mentioned). I will never stop criticise mofftiss and Sherlock s4 though 😂

I also do not like ship hate.

I am uncomfortable with shipping real people but I am not against it of course do as you please as long as you don't overstep & be rude with the real people you're shipping.

And also, if I see someone implying a real person is "queerbaiting" because they appear queer & bully them into coming out I will virtually slap you in the head, ok, real people don't queerbait, period.

Last thing: I stand with the L, the G, the B, the T, the A, and all the other letters of that beautiful acronym so if you don't include trans people and ace people: please begone. :)

And also I try to be inclusive, I will not overstep and speak above other communities but I will try my very best to listen and forward those people's voices. I will not engage in discussions/arguments I am not meant to be a part of. I will try my best to take my part in making bigots feel unwelcome.

This blog, and all my accounts here and elsewhere are meant to be safe spaces for LGBTQIAP+, POC, disabled people, etc.

About me (again) - hobbies & creation

I happen to make fanarts, and I write fanfics and ficlets, I also do fanplaylists. Writing is one of my hobbies beside drawing, I also do photography, and I have recently started sculpting too. I love creating stuff so I often make little things, like I can sew, craft stuff, I do bullet journaling, etc.

Like I said I'm a professional artist, you'll find all the infos on my other blog but basically : I draw fantasy art, mostly women and feminine people.

I love science (astronomy and astrophysics in particular), arts, cats (I have 4), animals in general, I love music (I have eclectic tastes, I like rock, metal, classic, pop, jazz, etc...), I love to read & watch movies and shows (also eclectic but I love SFFF and horror the most).

---

Voilà, I guess it covers the basis of who I am and what this blog is. Welcome and I hope you enjoy the ride (if you don't it's ok, just don't be rude). 🥰

#about me #know your blogger #presentation post #my posts

[troglobite]

alskdjf

v fun not realizing exactly how much my back wore me out yesterday and continues to wear me out today

until a candle basically causes a meltdown

i'm literally still shaky. i managed to blow dry my hair brush my teeth and do everything else i needed to do and now i'm dry and in pajamas etc

but i need to eat even though i feel sick

and i can't go out there bc if i do i'll have to do it while wearing a mask

and if my mom sees me wearing a mask she'll just get more upset

so i have to sit in my fucking room w nothing to eat feeling tired awful shaky and sick

and not being able to do anything abt it, including just wanting to sit on the couch to help my back feel better

bc my mom's in a bad mood

and bc we live in fucking Nothing Square Feet

it's literally inescapable

i'm so glad that this all started literally just bc my fucking aunt couldn't be fucked to check where the power cords connect on my grama's recliner so they had to call my mom like the chair stopped working :((( and in those 25 mins of clarifying to them that there is also a power BOX under the chair that has to be plugged in and that was all that was wrong, which happened LITERALLY ALMOST SIX HOURS AGO NOW, my mom is just in a horrible fucking mood

and bc we don't have any fucking space or sanctuary in this godforsaken fucking house

there's nowhere for me to run and hide

i can hear EVERYTHING on the tv loud and clear

can't leave to get my headphones from the other room bc she might see me wearing a mask

can't go out and sit w her bc again, mask

and then she'll ALSO get mad at me bc she'll want to watch something that "[i] won't want to watch so [she has] to change it" even though she literally doesn't and idgaf

and i can't go sit anywhere else in the house bc the only place w remotely ANY back support for me is my own bed and the couch and the couch is off limits

and i'm just fucking at my breaking point

what's more is she left the fucking candle on yesterday too

i just.

why.

fucking WHY.

i'm so tired.

and this house is SO FUCKING STUPID.

her bedroom and bathroom will kinda smell like the candle, yeah, but then LITERALLY EVERYWHERE ELSE IN THE HOUSE WILL SMELL INTOLERABLY LIKE THE CANDLE

INESCAPABLY LIKE THE FUCKING CANDLE

AND WILL SMELL LIKE THAT FOR FUCKING HOURS

i'm so fucking tired

i hate this fucking house i hate it here i can't fucking stand living here anymore bc i can't fucking stand having to be the fucking target of all of her ire and her fucking punching bag when she doesn't want to fucking do anything to help her process feeling that way

FUCK THERAPY

FUCK COUNSELING

FUCK ANYTHING ELSE HELPFUL OR PRODUCTIVE

JUST TAKE IT OUT ON YOUR DISABLED AND CHRONICALLY ILL KID WHO BASICALLY WISHES THEY WEREN'T EVEN ALIVE HALF THE FUCKING TIME JUST BC THAT'D BE EASIER!!!

caveat that i'm FINE it's too much energy and too many consequences to Actually Fucking Dying it's a passive "would be nice if i ceased to exist and was erased from all memories" once again bc i can't fucking escape ANYTHING

and when i can't escape and i'm just spiraling towards meltdown i just want to fucking die and i can't take this anymore

[roses-and-lightnings]

A struggling ADHDer confession

I was born mentally ill, maybe it was my premature birth that didn't allow my brain to fully develop, or my genetics but

I have ADHD, which is a chronic lack of norepinephrine neurotransmitters, as well as fewer dopamine receptors and considerably smaller brain volume

For that reason, other illnesses were allowed to develop, such as my crippling anxiety

I am primarily hyperactive-impulsive, my executive functions are impaired, my thoughts are always racey, I have lots of issues with processing information and communicating, I sensory overload quite easily and it's embarrasing, I'm loud and can't stop pacing around for the life of me and it's been 10 years I'm a nocturnal. I take 4 different meds, because my strong hyperactiveness and anxiety prevents me from being treated with stimulants. Combining with the meds I take for other health issues, I swallow about 12 pills a day, in which 10 are my daily anxiety and ADHD treatment. This fella right here is my monthly drug baggie:

Sometimes it felt like a superpower, to think super fast and make a thousand associations per second and be much more creative than anyone else ever was. I'm a talented artist, writer, scientist, I have neurodivergent and neurotypical friends that love me, and I don't have anything else I could ask for

And I was used to love being this way, being me, the only way I can be, yes, I am mentally disabled, but I'm happy with who I am, and nothing could ever change that, right?

Actually, when I look at the exams I fail because I can't set numbers apart, or when I forget to write my answer, details I neglect, no matter how hard I try, I mess up for some very stupid, very fucked up reason that is not even my fault. Not only in academics, but in life and relationships. I forget nearly everything, I can't stay still in a reunion and most days my brain just turns off all functions and leave me behaving like a squashed vegetable

This has caused me many kinds of problems, from the smallest as losing an appointment, to failing an entire college semester, to being kicked out of my frat and getting homeless in a foreign city, because people just couldn't live with me

And I just feel like a failure, a mistake, and wish I didn't exist, I wish I could die and be reborn as someone else, someone that won't have to face these stupid issues, or never even be reborn at all, I just want to disappear

Everyone else can do it eventually if they try really hard, why can't I? Oh, yeah, my brain is wired wrong, thanks a lot

And the worse? No do-overs for me. No one will provide me assistance when I fail due to my brain issues, they'll throw me in the trash. No one will understand, no one will give me another chance to try again, I'll just have to deal with it the same way normal neurotypicals do, and if I can't do it, well, it's because I'm just not trying hard enough, like the useless, pathetic trashbag I am. I should just stop being lazy and begin to work harder, and if I can't do it, if I'm a such a terrible, awful, disgusting human being, then I surely deserve to be outed of society, I deserve everything that happens to me for not having a normal, 100% functional brain

After everything that has happened this week, my mind issues just sound more and more like an excuse for being idle and dumb, and that I should just quit trying if I'll clinically never be able to make it. I'll never be able to change, or make anything worth it.

#adhd #adhd brain #my adhd #gad #adhd problems #gad problems #confession #tw suicide thoughts #meds #depression #tw anxiety #anxiety problems #anxiety #crippling anxiety #mental illness #mentally ill #mental disorder #mental health issues #my brain is malfunctioning #i hate myself

[tiredofbeingcalledmi]

Trigger Warning: mild cognito hazard/delusional thoughts, physical abuse, violence, self harm addiction, bulimia

Don't fuckin read it if you think you'll be triggered. Please. Thank you.

I feel like I'm not in control of anything or any part of my life. It's like every time I try to gain some sense of stability or control, it's taken by the weird unseen forces of this universe. It's like something doesn't want me having power to dictate what happens in my own life. Everytime I try to do something good for myself like go to school, or get a job, or try making friends, it's like the universe shits on my efforts by giving me a new injury or illness. I gaslight myself by convincing myself it's delusional to think the universe has it out for me, but I got covid right after finally getting an interview with an employer willing to accommodate my disabilities. I had to get back surgery because I herniated my lower spine falling on my ass; my first semester of college I had to withdraw from the term. I was getting counseling for PTSD caused by abusive parents and I was genuinely getting better I was living on my own and actually getting better at coping with trauma, then my dad just beats me within 2 hours of being in a house with them and it's like an entire years worth of therapy just went down the drain. When he was beating me it was like my mind when blank and I just became a shell. Like "I" in the physical sense was being thrown across the room by my hair and punched and kicked, but while all of that was happening "I" in the mental sense was gone completely. And I still feel like who I was after all those therapy sessions is completely gone. It's like when that happened my brain reverted back to an old state of being from when I was a teenager. My sense of style, my music preferences, my general attitude has all changed to exactly the way it was when I was 15, like my brain forced some weird age regression onto me. I honestly can't explain it but it happens alot, it's like I revert back to who I was in the past temporarily, or my personality hops around my timeline. I started self harming again. I don't feel the need to get into details because it's insanely triggering and addictive. It's just becoming another element that I can't control. I've been purging. To the point where I'm eating what I know to be logically healthy and normal proportioned meals and my body is purging against my will. I've done so much damage that I can't eat even when I want to. Even when I want nothing more than to sit down with friends, eat fries, and be normal, my mind won't even be thinking about the food but I've fucked myself up so bad that my body wants it out.

I can't control anything and it's driving me fucking insane.

#diary #personal #thoughts #menhera #mental health

[secretdiaryofjim]

I loved you, I wanted to be with you through your disability and downs and ups and the highs and lows of life.

You manipulated me and everyone. You lied about me and to me, constantly.

You cheated on me and left.

You hurt me in all the ways you knew would hurt the most and then had the audacity to berate me for asking for clarification and trying to understand and reaching out to the only person I had left after everything you did. You isolated me from my friends one by one until there was only you and wondered why I kept trying to talk to you and fix things with you right through everything? Even now that door isn't shut! Oh man distressed husband texts and messaged wife who cheated and left without explanation trying to fix things. I NEVER tried to hurt you, I was never physically violent to you, near you, or even around you because of your past trauma. I never raised my voice around you except when you literally asked me to, at your mom because of how 'Abusive' she was too!

Your boyfriend you cheated with though? The one who punched holes in the wall the first time you hung out? The one who yells in anger all the time and has a history of blacking out into physical fights? The one who has killed animals not realizing his own strength? Sure. Makes sense.

You demanded total financial transparency from me and the thing we last fought over when you screamed how we were getting a divorce over was something we had already discussed! That I was completely transparent and open about! And then you got mad at me for saying I wasn't sure you were coming back? After the way you left? You can't gaslight that hard.

And thats what this boils down to. Everything that happened blew up in your face, because you were a habitual liar. You tried to lie to your friends about me while very obviously seeing Brian BEFORE YOU EVEN LEFT ME! Your friends were the ones to tell me what you did and were doing! You were ON CAMERA ON TOP OF HIM! THATS WHY KELLY KICKED YOU OUT!

The only person to do anything illegal with storage was you by the way. Destroying or disposing of marital property while in the process of seperation or divorce is very illegal. What I did where I changed the code and removed your name from the locker was only to instill a sense of accountability. You had access to the locker, you just walk in the doors, the lock was never changed. But if you threw away anything else or broke anything else you would be on camera and you would be responsible.

I never had to be the middle man once you were back on the storage agreement btw. That was an unnecessary burden upon myself and a responsibility I did not consent to. Sending me the money for the locker wasn't something I could handle. Im not working so the December payment you sent me went into an overdrafted account. Thats why it didn't go through. I overdrafted again to pay it when you showed up. That wasn't illegal of me. And there is no more order of protection. It was dismissed. At a court date you couldn't be bothered to attend.

You're an abusive lying jerk, your friends made their own decisions based on their own observations and knowledge. I was the one in the dark.

You play stupid games and win stupid prizes. I'm divorcing you. We will never see or speak to each other again. I will not let you abuse me ever again. I have spent too long learning what abuse is and how to heal from it to ever let you gaslight, manipulate, or hurt me again. You get nothing from me. You don't get to avoid accountability forever just cause it inconveniences you. You don't get to blame shift when I'm gone. You don't get to win a game only you were playing. I am a human being who loves you. You treated me like some ego trip game to see how much you could take from me before I crumbled. Congrats. Play your highschool manipulations on someone else. I never consented to being in this game. And I don't consent to your narrative. Because The Objective Truth doesn't change based on how you want things to be. I wasn't abusive. You were. I never cheated on my spouse. But you did. I never isolated you. You did that to me and then to yourself.

I'm done. Leave me alone.

[night-wyld-system]

Hi Wylds!!!

I really like your art and your posts! I just feel unsafe to interact atm, you probably don't know who I am... But I really appreciate you and all the information you bring towards intersex folks, I really identify with all yalls your sentiments.

That being said, do you have any advice to people like me who need to pick sides? I don't like to divide friendships, and I hate that I can't freely interact with cool ppl on the internet because my friends & their friends might not like eachother.

You don't need to reply to this ask btw, I'm just curious to what you think I should do? / I don't want to bring drama to your blog, just a legit question from another afab boygirlthing that has little to no representation online... We should stick together.

Sending love!

Thank you! It means a lot to me. I know I've changed my main focuses from system related stuff to more talking about being queer, disabled, intersex, my art and so on and I wasn't sure if people were more opposed to me because of that and so on. I do infact have no idea who you are lol but hey that's okay it's bound to happen at times.

When it comes to the other stuff I think there's a mix of things I could say as an answer.

I've been in situations where I've felt I've had to pick sides both in situations where that was reasonable and in situations where it was not. I think it depends on how reasonable it is for if you should cut contact with others. Like I've cut contact with people for abusing, harassing, stalking, or otherwise hurting my friends as well as being racist/homophobic/transphobic/ableist to others whom I care about (this has happened a lot throughout my life). I've also ran into situations where my friends despise each other but it's been over smaller things and had little to nothing to do with anything important. I usually end up phasing out of those situations due to my issues in the past with conflict aversion (I've gotten better over time though!)

I'd say if the current friends (for example) see me as an awful person and would hate you for associating with me depending on what they believe I have done especially, I can understand not interacting with me and deciding it's better to keep the friends you have now. I don't personally like ruining others friendships or lives when they've done nothing to deserve it even if it's requiring me to sorta be seen as bad.

But in something like a situation where friends hate each other but neither have asked you to cut contact with the other- I think it's fair to sorta both sides things and be friends with both (as long as you're not friends with someone and their own abuser at the same time- I had an ex-friend pull that with me in highschool and when I found out it mentally destroyed me so I know how badly that situation can fuck you up).

I think also if all you can do is sorta be anonymously and awkwardly sometimes check up on things from someone that's fine. I just also don't want to cause any issues or drama with others as well. I've had no reason to recently anyways.

#anon asks #intersex stuff #relationship stuff #<- meaning like friendships