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upon-a-starry-night · 12 days

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Number Neighbors Pt.33

Natasha Romanoff x Fem! Reader

Natasha Masterlist Series Masterlist

Word Count: 1.9k

Summary: When you catch sight of the newest trend going around you know you’re all but bound to at least try it, it was harmless anyway. What could possibly stem from something so little?

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Finally away from the chaos, you relax your tense shoulders as soon as the door to Nat’s bedroom shuts. You take notice of the way Nat constantly protectively hovers near you and the subtle brushes of her hand against yours. If you’re honest you hadn’t been expecting her to be this physical but you’re not complaining.

The first thing you notice is her gray comforter and you smirk at the reminder of your previous conversation.

“What are you smiling at?” You could give her a long list of reasons you would be smiling right now (most of them pertaining to her presence) but instead, you opt for the truth.

“You really need better taste in comforters”

Nat groans, shaking her head but smiling nonetheless. The apprehension from the car ride seems to have completely dissipated and you’re grateful that she’s feeling as comfortable around you in person as she was over the phone.

Taking the opportunity to observe her room, you notice the decoration is minimal but still cute. Books on the shelves, a few framed pictures of her and the other Avengers, a few framed drawings made by some kids who call her “Aunty Nat”

It feels incredibly intimate to be in the space where Natasha spends all of her time and you’re unsure what to do with yourself until Nat gestures for you to sit at the edge of her bed.

You take the invitation and plop down on the gray comforter while Nat chooses to stay standing, the two of you observing each other in privacy for the first time. Your hands itch to touch her again and you have a feeling you were going to have that urge for a while.

The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was full of things the two of you were too afraid to say. Was it too soon to tell her how you felt? Maybe you should diffuse some of this tension between the two of you?

“So not an FBI agent then” It’s the first thing that comes to mind and it feels appropriate to mention the first conversation you’d ever had for one of your first in-person conversations. Like an ode to the past but a promise of a playful future.

She smiles at the reference “Not quite” Now that the two of you are alone her expression has changed into something softer. Her once-guarded eyes now shine with an expression so profound it makes your heart ache. A permanent smile stuck on her inviting lips.

Without the pressure of other people, the two of you could express your love for each other with more than just a verbal longing. Your body language spoke more than your words ever could.

You don’t know if Natasha can read the emotions on your face, or if her reading them would be a good or bad thing but you know you don’t want to say goodbye anytime soon.

”I think you owe me a picnic date” it’s the only thing you can think to say to comprehend your desire to stay without outright asking. You hope it quells any doubts in Nat's mind that you would want anything near the opposite of being with her.

“Oh yeah?” Her reply is sultry, the rasp of her voice seems to intensify tenfold in the privacy of her room and you’re suddenly aware of just how alone the two of you are. If Nat didn’t want anyone to enter and interrupt then no one would dare.

You have to clear your throat before you can reply, afraid the want would be too prominent and scare her off. Truthfully she could do anything she wanted to you in this moment and you wouldn't object.

Her signature smirk is back in an instant and you’re sure you’ve been caught just by the look in her eyes but she doesn’t comment on it “I think I can do that”

Her phone buzzes in her back pocket and it reminds you that there’s a world outside of the two of you- reminds you that Nat is a woman with a tough life and even tougher responsibilities. A life that you would hate to get in the way of.

The thought makes you frown ”You must be busy with sorting out the government and superhero business and other stuff” She doesn’t give you more than a second to drown in your thoughts-

”I’d drop everything for you, Y/n” It's a quick response, and even she seems surprised by her own words but she doesn't seem to regret them. It’s a bigger admission than you were ready for but it’s still a welcome one. If anything it gives you confidence in your own feelings.

The two of you spend the next hour catching up on each other's lives and dancing around the obvious tensions between you. Nat remains standing and you wonder if it’s a force of habit until you notice her restless hands and come to the striking realization that she was holding herself back- from touching you.

When there’s a lull in the conversation you gather up the courage to ask her a question you’ve been wondering since you figured out Nat was Natasha

“Why did you keep texting me? You could’ve blocked me or probably disabled my phone if you wanted but you didn’t” You don’t tell her yet how grateful you are that she never stopped texting you. How you were so consumed by your loneliness that you never even went out before her.

The thrill that anyone could be her was one of the things that pushed you to go outside more.

Nat smiled softly “I don’t really know why either. I probably should’ve done those things but…” Her eyes turn solemn despite the smile on her face and it makes you want to distract her from whatever memory is making her sad but the desire to know why she kept texting you kept your mouth shut “I think part of me needed someone to talk to who didn’t know who I was or what I’d done. It also didn’t hurt to get such high praise about myself all the time”

You blush, looking away. The memory of all of your fan-girl rambles causing you to groan and cover your face in embarrassment.

“Oh my gosh, I said all of those things about how much I liked you to you” You hear her footsteps get closer and when you peek out from between your fingers you see her standing right in front of you staring down at you with mirth in her eyes.

“Don’t be embarrassed, it was cute” You choke out a sound of embarrassment, you’re not sure how red you are but you’re sure tomatoes would probably be jealous.

“I regret so much” You mock whisper and in a second two hands are tugging yours away from your face, the sly smile on Nat’s face is replaced with a more serious look

“Y/n,” You struggle to maintain eye contact when she’s looking at you so strongly “Nobody’s ever talked about me the way you did, it made me proud of who I am, which is something I’m not often” You frown a little and Nat’s eyes drop to your lips for a split second before regaining eye contact

“You can be embarrassed but you’re not allowed to regret it” You nod slowly and she pulls away, letting go of your arms but still standing over you. Your skin burns where she touched and you’re sure your heart is beating loud enough for her to hear it.

She had no business having this much of an effect on you but you were helpless to stop it. -Not that you wanted to.

“So…” You start “ This might make things a little awkward between us but I don’t think I can keep it to myself anymore” She tilts her head in question but stays silent for you to continue. You take a deep reassuring breath in and begin speaking before you can convince yourself to quit

“I know this might sound a little bit crazy because this is our first time meeting in person but you’re such an incredible person inside and out, and you were always there for me when I needed you, and you’re unfairly funny for someone who claims to not have a sense of humor and well… it was kind of inevitable that I would fall in love with you”

It’s terrifying to admit to her but there’s a weight that lifts off of your shoulders nonetheless. The silence is heavy and you can’t bring yourself to look her in her eyes, scared that all you’ll find is rejection or disgust. You’re so sure that you’ve just ruined the best potential friendship and regret begins to sink into your skin when Nat once again guides your face to look up at her.

Much to your surprise, you don’t find disgust or disappointment, instead, you find two glassy green eyes staring at you with so much adoration it fills your whole body with warmth. She looks like she can’t believe what she just heard is real and it’s your turn to hear just how rapidly her heart is beating

“Say it again” It takes you a few seconds to register her words but once you do a hopeful smile creeps onto your face

“I love you.” You say a little shakily, and then with more confidence “ I love you, Nat. More than I probably should love someone I met on the internet but what can I say? I fell in love with you.” You laugh a little as happy tears begin trailing down your cheeks, “You don’t have to say it back I just-”

“I love you too” She interrupts and your heart tugs blissfully in your chest “From the moment I met you I should’ve blocked your number but I couldn’t. You just had this magnetic energy even through the phone and it drew me to you in a way I knew would end up with my heart in a mess.” You’re crying even harder now and Nat takes a moment to wipe the tears from your face before continuing-

“- And then I saw you at Starks party and you were… everything. Witty and gorgeous and beyond anything I could’ve ever imagined you’d be. That’s when I knew, even if it was terrifying- even if it was unfamiliar and I could get hurt- I knew then that I was in love with you.”

You’ve never heard anyone talk about you in such a way and it moves you so much that you can’t bear to hold yourself back any longer. Your hand drifts to her face and your eyes search hers for permission only for her to pull you in.

Your lips meet in a teary overwhelmingly tender kiss and you think you could live in this moment forever. Nat’s hands tug at your cheeks to pull you even closer and your hands find purchase around her neck, the two of you lost in each other.

Your body melts at her touch and you lose track of time as your mind hazes over, incapable of thinking of anything but the feeling of Nat’s lips against yours until the need for oxygen pulls you apart.

Even though you pull apart Natasha keeps her forehead pressed against yours, not wanting to break contact. Overwhelmed with joy, a small breathy laugh escapes you as you stare into Nat’s heady gaze.

“Do you think we could do that again?” You’re a little shy to ask but Nat responds with a husky laugh of her own

“I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon, Y/n”

Epilogue

A/n: Gah! Finally! God they’re so perfect for each other :( I’m going to miss them ~ Starry

---Taglist--

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oh-my-damn · 2 years

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Good Places in Boston

Pairing: Colin Shea x Bestfriend/Neighbor!Reader

Summary: Your bestfriend and neighbor Colin comes to you in agony when it becomes a physical problem to think of you with anyone else.

Warnings: Angst, yelling, getting in a fight. Friends to lovers type beat, Colin is such a major fuckboy and reader is sick of it and wallows a bit in self pity (with wine lmao), fluff, this part is clean but I would def be up to writing a part 2 if it's wanted!

Wordcount: 5100

The beautiful divider is by @firefly-graphics

"Colin, what are you doing here?"

Colin sends you his characteristic grin, his fingers drumming on the pillar in your apartment as he leans against it, "Well, I uh.. I needed an escape."

"An escape from what, exactly?" You ask as you take a bite out of your breakfast bagel, quirking a brow in his direction.

"Well, I uhm... Have a girl at my place."

You roll your eyes, "Oh, so you invaded my private space to avoid the girl you just slept with... Again."

Colin laughs, "When you put it that way, it makes me sound like a total asshole."

"Maybe that's because you are a total asshole," you quip, sipping your orange juice, "I've told you numerous times that I don't like when you use me like this."

"Hey!" Colin immediately exclaims, "I'm not using you! I would never!"

Your eyes trail over his naked torso, the sweatpants he's wearing hanging so low on his hips, you're surprised they haven't slipped off already.

You place a hand on your hip as you look at him pointedly, "Sure you wouldn't. Tell me again why you're at my apartment at eight in the morning?"

Colin eyes you for a moment before he sighs, "Fine. You're smarter than me and figured me out. Is that what you want to hear?"

"No," you snort, tidying up your kitchen as you speak with your back turned to him, "What I'd like to hear would be; 'I met this girl and she's amazing and I'm gonna marry her because she's the best.' But for some reason, you keep ruining that."

Colin scoffs obnoxiously, "Why do you keep holding on to that fantasy?"

"Because I know you," you reply as you turn around to face him, "And I know you deserve an amazing person in your life. As your friend, I have a right to believe that. And I also have a right to believe that you're sabotaging yourself by sleeping with random girls every night."

Colin groans, "Will you fucking quit it, already? I don't know where you got the idea that I need to settle down when I've always told you that I don't want to settle down."'

"Right, you want to keep sleeping with strange women every night because it makes you feel better about yourself."

"Exactly!" Colin grins, "I love that about me."

You snort again, "Well I hate that about you. It's one of the things I tolerate about our friendship."

Colin walks up to you, plucking the breakfast bagel out of your hand before he takes a bite, "Please, shut it. It's not like you're any better."

"Better than you?" You scoff, narrowing your eyes at him, "Come on, Col. You must know I'm better than you when it comes to this."

"When we met each other you were just as much of a slut as I was."

"Yeah!" You exclaim loudly, "Five years ago! Did you not realize that it's been that long? Or do you just not believe that people change?"

Colin rolls his eyes, "No, what I don't believe is the fact that you're now suddenly celibate because you want to get married. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

You frown, turning your back to him as you put another bagel in the toaster, "Well, just because you don't believe it, it doesn't mean it isn't true."

"Oh come on!" Colin laughs, placing a hand on your shoulder, "You're so full of shit. I saw a guy leave your place yesterday."

You whip around to face him, your eyes narrowing, "Yeah, you did. The same guy that's been leaving my place for the last couple of months."

"What?"

"I'm dating someone," you say, frowning as your eyes meet his, "I've been dating Robert for months now."

"You're dating someone?"

"Yes!" You reply, rolling your eyes, "And you'd know more about him if you ever asked. But you never do! All you ever talk about are the random girls you fuck. Or Mexican wrestling."

"Wait.." He drags out, tilting his head as his eyes narrow, "So you're telling me you're dating someone? Someone serious? And you have been for months?"

"Oh my god, Colin," you sigh, stuffing the bagel into his mouth, "Yes, I am dating. And I have been for a while. Why is that so hard to believe?"

Colin pulls the bagel out of his mouth as he takes a step back, "It's not hard to believe.."

"Then what's with the attitude?"

"There's no attitude," he quickly interjects, "I was just.. I don't know.. Surprised."

"Well, you wouldn't be if our entire friendship wasn't based off of you and your conquests."

"Come on," Colin scoffs, "You know that's not true."

"Isn't it?" You immediately reply, "Because it seems to be the focus of our friendship."

Colin's brows furrow, "Yeah, but not on purpose.. That's just how it's always been.."

"Yeah," you scoff, turning your back once again to butter your fresh bagel when it pops out of the toaster, "That's how it's always been because I'm a good friend and that's what you need. The only times I basically see you anymore is when you come to hide out at my place. I don't feel the need to tell you about what's going on with me."

"Why not?"

You frown, looking at him over your shoulder, "Because you don't care about what's going on with me."

Just as you turn your back to him to focus on the task at hand, he replies, "I care."

"Colin," you groan, shaking your head as you focus on your bagel, "The only important person in your life is you. And I'm okay with that. I've accepted it. But don't fucking lie to me, I don't like being lied to."

"That's not true. And I'm not lying."

You scoff again, turning around to look at him as your arms cross over your chest, "So you're telling me that I hurt your feelings by not telling you about the guy I'm seeing? Come on, Col, we both know you don't give a shit."

"I do give a shit, though," he grits out, glaring at you, "And I can't believe you didn't tell me."

"Will you stop it? It's not that big of a deal. Can you just go back to being your normal self, please?"

"I am being normal."

"No, you're not," you huff, "You're being weird.. And I don't like it."

"Well, excuse me for having a reaction to you telling me you're dating someone," he loudly exclaims, turning his back to you before he starts walking away, "And that you apparently kept it secret because I'm such an awful friend."

"Colin-"

"No!" He yells, glaring at you, "Fuck off. You've said enough. I should leave."

He marches to your door stubbornly, making you huff out, "I thought you needed to hide out here so you wouldn't have to deal with your one night stand? Isn't that the only reason you ever come to see me?"

"Fuck you!" He yells, slamming the door behind him as he walks out.

"Well, fuck you too," you mumble, walking back to your kitchen to finish eating your bagel.

Five entire days went by without you seeing Colin.

That's the longest you've gone without seeing him since college. On the second day, you contemplated reaching out, but you also knew you'd done literally nothing wrong.

You were just being honest.

Truth is, you loved Colin.

In fact, you'd loved him since the second day you met him. And for the rest of your college days, you were also in love with him. But the closer you got, the more it faded.

The more you watched him hook up with a new girl every night, most of the time right in front of you, the more it went away.

When you found an available apartment in his building, you didn't know if you'd actually stay friends. You always suspected he just kept you close by in college to hit on your friends.

But then you moved in across the hall from him and he decided to keep you around. But he mainly did it so he'd have somewhere to go when he needed to hide from the women he brought home.

To be fair, usually when he'd come by, you two would end up spending most of the day together. You'd watch Mexican wrestling (he's obsessed with it and it's actually quite entertaining, so you didn't mind), or he'd play you music he'd been working on. Sometimes you'd both be doing separate things but within the same space, sharing a comfortable silence. Or you'd watch movies or simply just talk.

But there had always been a.. distance, between the two of you. He always had a hard time opening up, sharing parts of himself. You knew you meant something to him because on rare occasions, he would show a softer side to himself. Like when his dad died. He came to you for support and you did everything to help in any way you could, and it helped you get to know him a little better. He wasn't as guarded as usual.

But eventually, things went back to normal. Which meant he went back to hiding out in your place. You didn't mind that he was hiding, it wasn't about that. It was about the fact that it felt like that was the only reason he came to see you.

In the three years you've lived across the hall from him, he's had countless one night stands. Several times a week, if he wasn't working too much or was too busy to go out. It never grows old - at least not to him.

But it did to you.

Being in love with him did too.

It wasn't more than a few months ago when you decided that the dwindling feelings you harbored for him were not healthy.

That was the night you went on your first date with Robert.

And he's great; charming, handsome.. The only thing that's missing is that feeling inside.

The one you feel whenever Colin is around.

"I can come up if you want me to."

You're smiling politely up at Robert as you finish another very adequate date, but you're just not in the mood.

You haven't been in the mood for the past few days, but you don't really know why..

Actually, you do.

You know exactly why.

But you refuse to admit it.

"I'd love that, truly," you reply with a small smile, "But I'm feeling pretty.. icky, from the food tonight. I don't know, maybe I ate the wrong thing.. And I feel completely knackered out. I'm sorry Robert, is it okay that I call a raincheck on your offer?"

Robert just offers you a warm smile, "Yeah, of course. Don't worry about it."

He really is a very sweet guy. Not everyone would take a rejection that nicely. You've only been seeing each other for a few months, and it's not exactly serious; you haven't had the talk yet, and you're not exclusive with each other, either.

But he's nice and kind. Very sweet and understanding. And he's making an effort to get to know you.

Robert leans down to peck your cheek, making your smile widen before he pulls back.

"I'll see you later this week."

Once you're inside your building, you trudge up the stairs. You lied when you said you were feeling sick, but you weren't lying when you said you were tired.

Your body feels heavy, your head groggy as you walk up to your place, your mind wandering aimlessly.

You keep thinking back to the date with Robert, and how truly sweet and kind he is, but for some reason you also keep focusing on the fact that something is missing.

And once that thought hits you, your mind inevitably wanders back to Colin.

Fucking asshole. First he infiltrates your apartment and now your mind.

You shake your head and sigh once you reach the final flight of stairs. But you immediately tense up when you hear an oddly familiar sound.

Your eyes dart up at the sound of a high-pitched giggle, immediately landing on a tall, beautiful blonde, practically hanging off Colin's side.

You roll your eyes as you continue walking, glancing shortly at Colin as he fumbles with his keys to get the door open.

You walk past them, your eyes catching Colin's for a split second before he darts his away, back to focusing on getting his front door open.

You walk to your door, swiftly unlocking it, your eyes rolling to the back of your head when you hear the girl giggle out a "Colin, come ooon," before you slam the door shut.

Wine.

You need wine. Only wine can fix this dark cloud seemingly permanently hovering over you.

You hang up your coat before you patter into your bedroom, immediately changing into a pair of sleep shorts and a tank top. You swiftly move to your kitchen, grabbing a bottle of wine and a large glass, and then you plop down on your couch.

Before you know it, you've drank half a bottle while watching some mindless rom-com on TV.

Is this really what it's come to?

You have a perfectly sweet guy, who would have loved to spend the night with you, and yet you're sitting here, moping on the couch and drinking wine. Alone.

Stupid Colin. Stupid Colin with his beautiful stupid face, and sculpted abs, and firm chest, and perfectly round ass, with his large hands that could-

Stop it!

You shake your head at your thoughts, topping off your glass of wine. You need to focus, need to get your shit together.

Maybe it's time you find somewhere else to live.

Yeah. That'll fix it.

You immediately pick up your laptop from the coffee table, perching it on top of your lap as you start typing.

Good places in Boston

Yikes. Okay, that's not going to work. You don't have that kind of money..

Cheap places in Boston.

Double yikes. You want to run away from your distractions, not get murdered..

You sigh, looking through some of the places as you take another sip of wine. Your fingers move over the keyboard before you can even stop yourself.

Places to live in Boston when you're trying to run away from your feelings

You chuckle at the fact that a few options actually pop up, immediately clicking through the pictures.

But then you almost spill your glass of wine on your computer when your front door is suddenly pushed open.

"Alright, we need to talk!"

Colin loudly slams the door shut behind him as he walks inside, making you snap your head to the side to look at him.

"Col, what the fuck?!" You exclaim, placing your laptop down on the coffee table, "What the hell? I thought I locked it, how are you in here?"

"No," he stomps inside, sending you a pointed look, "You didn't. Just like you never do. Sometimes I think you have a death wish."

You roll your eyes and pull your feet up on the couch, tilting your head as your eyes narrow, "Thanks for the lesson, I'll remember to lock it next time. Maybe that'll keep the assholes out."

"That's it!" He yells, crossing his arms as he walks up to you and stands in front of the couch, "We need to talk!"

"Oh, you think so? About what?" You retort, mirroring his expression as you cross your arms over your chest.

"Yes, I do!" He exclaims, clearly missing the sarcastic tone of your voice.

"What are you doing here?" You frown, glaring at him, "I'm pretty sure I saw you with a date. Shouldn't you be entertaining her?"

"I sent her home," he huffs, his stance tense. Your eyes momentarily gaze over him, noticing his grey sweatpants and his t-shirt. But then you inwardly sigh when you spot the text written on it; Free Licks.

"Okay," you sass, "And what's that got to do with me?"

"Everything!" He bellows, arms waving about exasperatedly, "It's all your fault!"

"What?" You snort, watching him as he walks closer to you on the couch, "How the fuck is that my fault? I didn't exactly invite you here, you're the one barging in!"

"Because I can't fucking... Ugh! You're so annoying!"

He huffs out a breath before he plops down on the couch dejectedly, practically staring daggers at you, "You ruined everything!"

"Colin," you sigh, shaking your head as you turn your body to face him. He's slumping down on the couch, legs spread wide, his face reminding you of a kicked puppy, "What are you talking about?"

"I can't do it anymore!" He exclaims, gesturing with his hands exasperatedly, "It doesn't work anymore! You broke it!"

"Broke what?" You frown, tilting your head at him.

"Me!" He yells, whipping his head to the side to look at you properly, "You broke me!"

You snort again.

"How exactly did I break you?"

"You were mean to me and now I can't do it anymore. It's your fault!"

"Okay, stop yelling," you sigh, sitting criss cross on the couch, looking at him, "Elaborate, please."

Colin sighs deeply before he turns his body towards you, "You fucking broke me. You were talking about that shit, about you, and settling down, and just-ugh! You fucking ruined it."

"Colin," you shake your head in confusion, "I have no idea what you're talking about. Do you mean that you're upset because we had a fight?"

"No," he replies, his eyes trailing over your living room, "I'm not just upset because we had a fight, it's not that. It's-"

His eyes narrow when they land on your computer and before you can even object, he snags it off the table, "What the fuck is this?! You're looking for an apartment?!"

You pull your bottom lip between your teeth as your eyes dart down, not saying a word.

His head whips to the side to look at you, "Are you moving?!"

"No, I was just looking-"

"Why?!"

"Please, stop yelling," you mumble, rubbing your temples with your fingers, "You're going to give me a fucking migraine."

His eyes move back to the computer screen, long slender fingers quickly tapping the touchpad as he looks through the site, "Why are you moving?"

You shrug, your fingers fiddling with the hem of your shorts, "I'm not, I'm just.. Looking. I just wanted to see what else is out there, just to, you know.. Have a look."

"But you love living here," he mumbles, glancing at you before he looks back at the screen, "And these places are.. Wait a fucking second."

You glance up at him at his tone, your breath almost hitching when you're met with the stern look on his face.

"Are you moving in with him?"

You scrunch your face up in confusion, "What?"

"You are!" He exclaims, fingers now clicking furiously on the touchpad as he glares at the computer screen, "You're fucking.. You're moving in with him! I can't believe this.. Why would you do that?!"

You put your hands up to calm him, "Okay, hey, calm down, that's not-"

"Why are you moving in with him?!"

You blink a few times as he looks at you, his eyes searching your face. You take a moment too long to reply, making him speak again, "Do you love him?"

"What? Colin, it's-"

"You fucking love him," he breathes out, eyes widening as he looks back at the computer, "You broke me, and now you're gonna move in with this fucking guy, and you're gonna leave, and-"

"Colin!" You interrupt, making him look at you again, "Calm. Down. I am not moving in with him. I was just looking for fun. Calm your fucking tits, Shea."

"But do you love him?"

Your brows furrow at his question.

Why would he ask that?

Your eyes search his face and it has this strange vulnerability to it, one you haven't seen many times before. It's so rare, because he usually hides who he truly is. The only times you've ever seen it have been when something awful has happened, like when his dad died and you went with him to his funeral for support.

Your words are quieter than before when you ask, "Why do you want to know?"

He takes a deep breath, cerulean eyes holding yours captive as he whispers, "I just.. I want to know.. Do you?"

You wait for a moment, holding his piercing gaze, "No, I don't love him."

He releases a breath, your eyes not missing how he visibly relaxes where he sits. Then his eyes move back to the computer without him saying a word.

"Why are you here, Colin? What's going on?"

"You broke me," he mumbles, not looking at you, "I don't work like I used to, anymore."

"What does that mean?"

"Means I can't fucking get it up," he grumbles, clicking through the pictures on the website, "Can't have sex, it's like you're infiltrating my mind. No matter how hard I try, or who I've brought home in the past five days, I can't fucking do it. Can't even masturbate, how pathetic is that?"

He lets out a dry laugh as he continues looking at the pictures on the website, not even glancing your way.

You can feel your heart pounding in your chest, slamming against your ribcage as nerves swirl around your body.

"Why do you think that is?"

"Dunno," he mumbles, "I just keep thinking about you, it's so infuriating. It's never happened to me before, I don't know what the fuck is going on. I think your domesticated stink rubbed off on me, or something.."

You smile, watching the side of his face as he keeps his focus on your computer. "Or maybe it's something else."

"Like what?" He asks dumbly, turning his head to look at you, "You think I'm going impotent?"

You snort, shaking your head, "No, you idiot, you're not going impotent."

"Then what is it? Is this normal? Can you help me? I'm going fucking crazy here."

You nod slowly, eyes holding his, "Yeah, I uh.. I've heard about this before."

"What does it mean?" He asks you urgently, putting the laptop back down on the coffee table so he can face you fully, "How do I fix it?"

"I'm afraid you can't."

"What?! Why not?! I can't live like this!"

You chew on your bottom lip nervously as you hold back a smile at his words, and you don't miss the way his eyes immediately dart down to your lips at the action.

"I don't think it's something that needs fixing, Col. I think it means something else."

"What does it mean?" he mumbles out, eyes staying locked on your lips, "What should I do?"

You lean closer until you can cup his cheek, making his eyes move back up to meet yours, "I think it means you have some feelings that you're trying to ignore."

He scoffs softly, eyes bouncing between your own as he whispers, "But I don't get feelings.."

You chuckle softly, tilting your head, "I'm sorry to tell you this.. But I think you do."

Colin's eyes widen slightly at your words, then dropping to your lips again, "So.. What do I do? How do I get rid of them?"

"Sweetie," you smile, making him meet your eyes again. Your thumb gently rubs his cheek as you whisper, "Why would you want to get rid of them?"

His brows furrow, baby blue eyes scanning yours, "Because they're ruining me. I don't work anymore, I can't-"

He trails off when you lean a little closer, his breath hitching audibly.

"What was that?" You ask, tiling your head, "What were you about to say?"

Colin keeps searing eye contact, his blue eyes slowly being swallowed out by his pupils as he breathes out, "I can't get it up."

You smirk, your eyes darting down to his crotch momentarily, noticing the large bulge straining against his jeans, before you whisper, "You sure about that?"

He looks at you in complete and utter fascination, a dumbfounded expression pulling at his features. Then he mirrors your actions, his hand raising to cup your cheek, "What is this? What's happening?"

You snort, offering him a small smile before you drop your hand from his cheek, "It's nothing, Shea. Doesn't mean anything. But at least now you know your issue isn't physical. It's all in your head."

Colin frowns when you start to pull back, the hand cupping your cheek suddenly sliding back to curl around your neck, "Wait! Wait, stop, don't move.."

He pulls you closer to him, slowly, your lips parting as you look into his eyes intensely. He inches you closer until your breaths are practically mixing, his gaze never faltering.

"Col," you whisper, your heart beating rapidly, "What are you doing?"

He doesn't reply, instead, his eyes bounce between yours nervously before he leans the rest of the way. He moves in, slowly, and then he releases an unsteady breath when his soft lips slot over yours.

Your eyes close on instinct, your body practically melting into him at the delicate touch. He holds you to him, his grip on you never wavering, and it makes you rest your hand on his thigh to steady yourself.

He hums quietly as his lips move over yours, slowly, exploring the feel of them, and you mirror his movement, kissing him back carefully.

You can feel practical fireworks swirling inside you, your mind swimming at how soft his lips feel, how fucking fantastic it feels to dig your teeth into that plump bottom lip of his.

He groans quietly at the action, his other hand lifting to cup your face, tilting your head to kiss you deeper.

But then, when his tongue swipes at the seam of your lips, it snaps you out of it.

You pull back immediately, eyes widening as they meet his, "What-"

"Come back," he whispers, his eyes wild as they meet yours, "Don't pull away, please. Kiss me again."

"Col, I don't know if-"

"Please," he says, his eyes pleading, "It felt so good."

You smile softly, leaning into his touch when his thumb strokes your cheek, "Yeah, it did. But we can't do this, Colin."

"Why not?" He asks, almost needily.

You let out a small sigh, your eyes dropping to your hand on his thigh, "Because I won't just be another notch on your belt. I can't do that, we can't do that. You're my best friend. I don't want to just be a fuck, if we did that it would ruin everything."

"No, you don't know that, maybe-"

"I wouldn't be able to do it," you reply as you look back up at him, "If we crossed that line, I wouldn't be able to go back. I can't do that and still be your friend, still watch you hook up with every girl you meet. It would be too painful."

Colin stays quiet for a moment, those baby blues almost haunting as he holds your gaze. But then his hands drop, releasing you from his hold, and it's like your heart shatters into a million pieces.

"You're right," he mumbles, looking away from you, "You're right, it wouldn't be okay. It would be bad."

You try to hide the hurt inside, forcing on a brave face as you reply, "Yeah, it would be."

"I'm sorry," Colin says, glancing back at you before he gets up from the couch, "I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't even have come here. I should go."

And then, before you can even manage to object, he's stormed out of your apartment, leaving you sitting on your couch, feeling even more lost than before.

When your door opens suddenly at 8 am two days later, it makes your blood run cold.

You almost cower in the kitchen, your eyes glued to the inside of your fridge, body tensing when the front door slams and you hear footsteps getting closer.

Guess it's back to normal, then.

And normal means he hooked up last night.

You take a moment to calm yourself before you mumble out, "Morning."

"Morning!" Colin says cheerfully as he walks closer, dropping something on the kitchen counter behind you.

You pick up the jug of juice in your fridge door, not looking at him as you turn to bring out a glass from the cupboard, "You're chipper this morning."

"Yeah," Colin replies, watching you pour juice into your glass, and you don't miss the happy tone of his voice.

Guess his problem got fixed.

You open another cupboard, reaching to pull out the bag of bagels hiding inside, when Colin's voice stops you, "No need, I got us breakfast."

That makes your brows furrow.

You glance at him over your shoulder, surprised to see he's actually dressed at 8 am, wearing a graphic tee and a pair of jeans, as well as his blue converse.

You tilt your head, smiling in amusement, "What?"

Colin lifts the bag off the counter, jutting his chin toward the couch, "C'mon, let's watch something. I got us fresh bagels. Bring the cream cheese."

You watch in utter confusion as he walks over to the couch and plops down on it, placing the bag of bagels on the coffee table. You remain a little sceptical as you bring out plates, a knife, and the cream cheese from your fridge, before you follow him.

You sit down next to him, frowning in confusion as you move to sit criss-crossed on the couch, leaning against the arm of it.

Colin just smiles as he pulls two bagels out of the bag, even preparing each of them with cream cheese before handing one to you.

You take it hesitantly, eyeing him carefully as he leans back on the couch and takes a bite, picking up your remote to turn on the TV.

As you watch him casually take a bite of his bagel, you finally ask, "Colin, what's going on?"

"Breakfast," he replies with his mouth full, eyes locked on your TV screen.

"Yeah, I got that," you chuckle, looking at him incredulously, "But, why?"

"Wanted to prove it to you," he says after he swallows his bite, finally turning his head to look at you.

"Prove what to me?" You ask curiously, watching the wide grin slowly spreading on his face.

"That it's different," he replies as he looks at you, "That you're different."

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