#oh yeah this came out in like July and I forgot to watch it :(

[justagalwhowrites]

Lavender - Ch. 13

Joel learns something big that changes everything. A continuation of Lavender Ch. 1-12, found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Miscarriage (mentioned and referenced, not described); suicidal ideation. Some smut. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ only.

Length: 4.4K

A/N: GUYS THIS IS A HEAVY CHAPTER. Full explanation in the notes at the end of the chapter, with some spoilers. Scroll to the bottom and read that if you're worried about this chapter. It's not graphic but it's emotionally VERY heavy. Take care of yourselves and all the love in the world <3

Saturday, July 4, 2009 - 3 months later 

“What’s Steve gonna do?” You asked, legs stretched out alongside the small table in the break room of the clinic. 

“Hopefully act like an adult for a change,” Andrew smiled. “Get his own place. He’s gotta grow up sometime.” 

“Aw, you’re going to be like empty nesters,” you teased. He laughed. “Moving in together… big step.” 

“Right?” He shook his head. “Might as well call it marriage.” He turned his bottle of water in his fingers, watching the plastic fracture the light. “I’m not making a mistake, right?” 

“You love her?” You asked. 

“More than anything,” he said. 

“Then no,” you smiled. “Not making a mistake. Jess is… she’s the best. Truly. You’re lucky she had a lapse in judgement that lasted long enough to start seeing you…” 

He lightly kicked your leg and you laughed. 

“I’m really glad you figured your shit out with her,” you looked at him and smiled as he nodded. 

“You and me both.” 

After meeting Jess at the speakeasy just after Joel and Tommy made it to the QZ, Andrew just… kept bumping into her. When he went to the warehouse to pick up supplies for the clinic? She was there. At the market? She was there. At the speakeasy? She was there. And he kept watching her, out of the corner of his eye, like he thought no one would notice. But you did. 

“Are you going to actually talk to her again or are you going to just pine after her from afar because you’re hung up on her name?” You asked him eventually when she passed on the street and the two of you were walking to the clinic. 

“I can pine all I want, thank you,” he huffed. 

“I don’t think you want to just pine, bud,” you replied. He sighed. 

“I just can’t…” he looked up at the sky for a moment. “How am I supposed to get through the day if I’m always reminded of her? I mean I know I only knew her for a week but fuck…” 

“I don’t think time matters as much when you’re trying to survive,” you shrugged. “By the time we got to the QZ we’d known each other, what, three weeks?” 

“Shit,” he sighed. “Yeah.” 

“It’s just different,” you shrugged. “I was ready to claw someone’s eyes out for looking at you wrong.” 

“I punched Elias for not letting me see you for five minutes,” he winced. You looked up at him, shocked. “Oh yeah, that was when you weren’t responding to anything. Forgot you didn’t know about that. He forgave me pretty quick.” 

You shook your head.

“Point is,” you said. “A week is plenty when you’re relying on each other to stay alive. You protected her. You were there when… Anyway, it makes sense is what I’m saying. But that doesn’t mean it needs to hold up your whole life, you know?” 

“So you think I should talk to her.” 

“I think you need to get your head out of your ass or you’re going to watch her fall in love with someone else and be pissed at yourself about it and I’m going to be the one who has to deal with you.”

For a change, he took your advice.  

Introducing you to Jess had been a process. Andrew had - apparently - talked about you. A lot. And she’d seen you with him around the QZ. He’d set up a night at the speakeasy, just the three of you. You got there early. Andrew came over and hugged you, whispering in your ear “I’m so fucking nervous.” You gave him a squeeze. 

“Jess this is…” he held his hand out to you, frowning. Like he couldn’t think of how to qualify you. 

“I’m the outbreak survival partner turned best friend,” you smiled, holding out your hand. “And you’re the girlfriend!” 

“Hi,” she smiled, taking your hand and looking relieved. 

You talked for a while, getting to know each other. She had been a junior in college when the outbreak hit, studying psychology. She worked doing psych evaluations for FEDRA now, but wanted to try to get some kind of mental health system set up in the QZ eventually. She was sweet, smart and obviously very into Andrew. When he left to go get drinks, she watched him go before turning to you. 

“Oh my God,” she sighed and then laughed. “I’ve been panicking about meeting you, you’re very intimidating! He doesn’t really have any other family or people besides you and he talks about you all the time. I’ve been hoping you’ll at least tolerate me! I feel like I’m meeting the parents and the big sister and the best friend at the same time… I’m so glad you’re nice!” 

“Oh hon,” you laughed and put an arm around her, giving her a squeeze. “I don’t think I’ve ever intimidated anyone so thank you for that! You’re lovely, I’m now going to require him to bring you around as much as you’ll stand us.” 

“Then expect to see me an awful lot,” she smiled, looking back toward the bar. “I’m kind of crazy about the guy.” 

It helped that she went by Jess. It helped more that she was able to exist as her own, separate person with no ties to Jessica the more you were around her. She even understood when you or Andrew needed the other when things got hard and no one else understood.  

Moving in with her was the right choice.

“You and Joel any closer to…” he gestured vaguely, eyebrows raised. 

“Let’s not talk about my slowly devolving love life,” you took a drink of water. 

“I will kick his ass,” he said. “Just say the word.” You rolled your eyes. “Seriously though. What’s going on? I thought things were a little better after you actually told him what happened…” 

“It was, for about five minutes,” you sighed. “He’s only slept over three nights in the last week…” You swallowed the knot in your throat. “It’s like he’s looking for an out. I keep trying to ask him if something is wrong or if I did something… It reminds me of the last time I visited him in Texas, before the outbreak. He broke up with me a few weeks later and, in hindsight, that whole trip felt like him saying goodbye.” 

You sighed, finishing your bottle of water. Joel had slept over the night before and it was like his body was in your bed but the rest of him was gone. 

He’d been lying flat on his back and you wrapped around him, stretching up and kissing his cheek. His arm never went around you to pull you closer like it usually did. You tried to press yourself against his side, tried to soak up as much of him as you could. When you kissed the side of his neck, he turned his head and lifted your chin, crashing his lips into yours. His kiss was harsh, consuming. He all but tore your tank top and cotton shorts off your body, leaving them in a heap on the floor. 

His fingers dug into your flesh, into the spaces between your ribs, into the soft fullness of your breasts. You clumsily worked your hips against him as he ripped his own clothes off, too, before he pushed two fingers sharply into you, making you gasp. 

“Always wet for me,” he said it harshly, almost judgmentally. You moaned, a knot in your stomach that didn’t usually exist when he touched you. “Always fuckin’ wanting it…” 

“Joel,” you whimpered and he kissed you, his tongue shoving your mouth open as he pulled his fingers from you and pressed his hard length against you. He entered you with one firm stroke, forcing your walls apart, making you gasp against his mouth. 

His hips snapped into yours, his cock slamming into you with each stroke. He bit your neck, took your wrists in his hand and held them down when you tried to run your fingers over his back. Your body kept trying to hold onto him, keep him close and he refused it. You came only seconds before he went slack on top of you, panting for breath. 

He slid out of you and collapsed next to you in bed, not touching you. You just stared at the ceiling for a moment, feeling him leaking out of you, slipping away. He was gone when you woke up. 

“He’s not the only man on earth, you know,” Andrew was watching you. You frowned a little but nodded. “Steve’s always had a bit of a crush on you…” 

You snorted. 

“Steve needed me to teach him how to boil pasta.” 

“Yeah, he’s got mommy issues,” Andrew half smiled at you. “It explains everything.” 

“Doctor?” Marta hung her torso into the break room, her black ponytail swinging over her shoulder. “We need you.” 

“We’ll just have to fix my love life another day,” you drummed the tabletop for a second and gave Andrew a small smile before jogging over to Marta and following her to the exam rooms. 

“What’s going on?” You asked, fidgeting with your stethoscope. 

“Pregnant woman, thinks she’s about 10 weeks?” She passed you the chart. “Says she thinks something’s wrong but hasn’t given me many specifics. Wanted to just tell the doctor.” 

You stopped at the exam room door. 

“Thanks, Marta,” you gave her a tight smile. “I’ve got it from here.” 

You knocked on the door once before stepping in. 

“Hey Doc,” the woman smiled. You’d seen her a few times in the clinic through the years for the usual basic things. Coughs that wouldn’t leave, a broken finger, stitches once when she cut her hand as she fell at work. You glanced at the chart. Penelope. Penny. That’s what she’d told you last time. 

“Hi Penny,” you smiled back, setting the chart down and going to the sink to wash your hands before putting on gloves. “What seems to be the issue?” 

“I slipped at work,” she winced. “Yesterday afternoon…” 

“They still letting you on ladders with your track record?” You teased, taking some notes on the chart. She laughed. 

“Right?” She said. “You’d think they’d give me another job after a while… Anyway, something’s felt… wrong ever since. And this afternoon I used the bathroom and there was blood in my panties and…” 

Your stomach turned and you fought to make sure it didn’t show. 

“Let’s take a look.” 

*** 

Joel showed up at the clinic at the same time as Andrew’s girlfriend. He fought the urge to groan. She was a sweet enough girl but he’d never really taken the same liking to her you had. She was young, naive, a little too content to hang on Andrew’s every word. But she was insightful enough to know that he wasn’t about to start a fan club for her, just giving him a tight smile as they both went into the waiting room. 

It seemed quiet, at least. Something Joel was relieved for. He kept trying to get some distance from you and then something would pull him back in. You’d smile at him in just the right way, kiss his neck when your body was against him, have a bad day at the clinic and look so exhausted that all he wanted to do was wrap you up and hold you close. It was easier to keep his distance when you didn’t need him. He couldn’t resist you needing him. 

“Hey guys,” Andrew sighed, coming out of the back. Jess’ face brightened into a real smile then, looking at her boyfriend like he hung the moon. She put her arms around his neck and he kissed her, long enough that Joel cleared his throat to remind them that he was there. Jess blushed and wrapped her arms around his waist. “It’s going to be a few minutes…” he lowered his voice. “She’s busy with a rough one.” 

“Oh no,” Jess frowned. “What’s happening?” 

“Miscarriage,” he sighed. “Which is hard on her for obvious reasons…” 

Jess just nodded and pressed herself into his side but Joel just frowned. 

“What’d you mean, obvious reasons.” 

“Well, you know,” Andrew shrugged. “During the outbreak.” 

Joel’s stomach dropped and, after a moment, Andrew’s eyes went wide. 

“Oh shit,” he breathed. “She didn’t tell you, fuck, she said she’d told you everything, I thought she told you, I swear she said she told you…” 

You came out of the back, looking sad for a moment but your face brightened when you saw Joel. You came up and stretched up to kiss his cheek. 

“Just need a few more minutes,” you said. “Just waiting for Kristen so I can go over some overnight care instructions for a patient. Let me tell you, I really need that drink…” 

“What the fuck is Andrew talking about?” Joel asked, looking down at you. You frowned. 

“I’m so sorry,” Andrew whispered. “I thought you’d told him, you said you’d told him everything, I thought you’d told him….” 

Your face fell, looking between Andrew and Joel. 

Joel stormed outside. His head was spinning. Something Andrew had said the night that he got to the QZ came back to him, something he’d heard that he wasn’t meant to hear. 

“So that’s the dad…” 

He’d thought he was talking about Sarah. Who else could he have meant? It would have made sense, you explaining your connection through his daughter…. 

“Hey,” you were walking quickly, almost jogging, to catch up to him. He was panting for breath, the haze of twilight on the horizon. “Joel…” 

“Were you pregnant?” He demanded, spinning to face you. You startled back from him, like he’d slapped you. You didn’t answer. “Were. You. Pregnant.” 

You stared at his chest. 

“Yes.” 

He turned away from you for a moment, trying to get his composure before he turned back. 

“It was mine?” 

“Yes,” your voice was wet and thick. 

“What happened.” 

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath before you answered. 

“They were going to shoot Jessica,” you whispered. “I didn’t know it was transmitted through bites, they were just going to shoot her and I had to stop it and they hit me and… Joel, I’m sorry, I tried, I tried so hard…” 

You’d been on your own, been with two teenagers you’d taken charge of and his child inside you and he’d been across the country from you, not able to protect you, only able to fail you, only able to fail you both…

“When did you know?” 

You were quiet and he ground his teeth. 

“When!” 

“The first day of school,” you breathed, glancing up at his face for a second before looking straight ahead again. 

He felt like he was going to be sick. 

“You knew,” he said it through clenched teeth. You winced but stood your ground, your arms crossed over your stomach. “You knew for weeks. WEEKS. And you didn’t fuckin’ tell me?” 

“I’m sorry,” your voice was shaky. “I didn’t know what I was going to do at first, I didn’t know if I was going to keep it and once I decided I wanted to keep it I didn’t know if I was ever going to tell you…” 

“You were going to have my fuckin’ kid and you weren’t going to tell me!” He was screaming. You wanted to cower from him, he could tell. Your body shook with it. But you weren’t backing down. 

“I decided to tell you the day before the outbreak,” your eyes met his then. “That’s why I texted you. I didn’t want to just tell you over the phone, that’s why I asked if you wanted to have coffee… I wanted to come up with a plan first to make sure you didn’t need to do anything you didn’t want to do, I didn’t want you to feel like you were stuck with me and a baby you didn’t want and I…” 

“You should have fucking TOLD ME!” He couldn’t look at you, putting his back to you. His stomach twisted, his chest tightened. 

He was running through everything that happened the night of the outbreak. He couldn’t help it, couldn’t stop it once it started. The phone call from Tommy, leaving Sarah alone at the house. Coming home and finding her at the mercy of the infected. Driving, running, holding her…. 

It all would have been different. If he’d known, if you’d just told him, it all would have been different. 

“We’re done,” his voice cracked. 

“What?” You sounded so small, so weak. It reminded him of the time you called him for help, when on a date with that handsy guy. You sounded scared. “Joel, please…” 

“Do you understand what you did?” He rounded on you, towering over you. You flinched back, like you were afraid he was going to hit you. “None of it would have happened this way if you’d just fucking told me you were pregnant with my goddamn kid!” 

“Joel…” 

“She’d still be here!” He screamed it. You stepped back from him then, sobbing now. 

“You can’t know…” you choked on it but he cut you off. 

“Yes I can,” he said. He was seething. “If you’d just fuckin’ told me, we wouldn’t have BEEN there! We would have been in New York with you or you would have been in Austin with us and I wouldn’t have left her alone that night, you would have been with her and known what to fuckin’ do, she never…” 

“You can’t…” 

“She died that night!” He yelled, getting in your face. He’d never told you this. He’d never told anybody this. “Shot by some Army fuck and it never would have happened that way if you’d just told me you were pregnant with my fucking kid!” 

He straightened, running his hands through his hair, desperate for something to hold onto. It was like losing her all over again, like there was a gaping hole in his chest, like someone had cracked open his ribs and started taking him apart. If you’d told him, Sarah would be alive. If you’d told him, he could have saved your child. If he’d just known, it would all be different. He wouldn’t have failed you. He wouldn’t have failed you. 

You were just standing there, your face wet, arms tightly around yourself. You hadn’t even moved to wipe your tears away. 

“Please,” it was barely audible.

“We’re done,” he said it again, his voice flat. “I wish I’d never fuckin’ met you. I never want to see you again. We’re done.” 

He turned and left you there in the haze of the streetlights outside the clinic. 

Joel wasn’t sure how long he walked. He wasn’t sure where he ended up. He didn’t fucking care. He almost hoped someone tried to talk to him. He wanted to hit something, he wanted something to hit him. He wanted to hurt, something on his body needed to hurt the same way his soul was hurting. It wasn’t right that the pain wasn’t spread out, that it wasn’t all through his body, too. 

Tommy was out when he got home. For a moment, Joel’s eyes drifted to the floorboards where they’d stashed their weapons. He wouldn’t flinch this time. Your voice wouldn’t pull him back this time. 

He went for the liquor instead. He drank until he passed out. He didn’t move for two days. 

***

You couldn’t seem to stop crying. You stood there, watching where Joel had gone, like you were waiting for him to come back for you. He wasn’t going to come back for you. 

“I wish I’d never fuckin’ met you.” 

“Don’t let anyone take you from me.” 

“I never want to see you again.” 

You had a patient. 

You forced yourself to turn and walk for the clinic. You hadn’t gone far, only about 50 yards, but it was apparently far enough that no one inside had heard the commotion outside. That was good, at least. Andrew noticed you first, his hands on your shoulders before you really realized he was even there. 

“Hey,” he said, stopping you. His voice was gentle, so gentle compared to Joel’s. You kept your arms around your waist. “What happened? Are you OK?” 

“I’m fine,” you said, even though you were still crying. “Is Kristen ready for care instructions? Have you seen her?” 

“She’s still in back, what happened?” He asked. Your eyes were having a hard time focusing. His chest was just a gray blob in front of you. “What’s going on?” 

“Nothing,” you answered. “It’s fine. You guys should probably just head over to the speakeasy, I think I’m just going home…” 

“What did he do to you?” His hands went from your shoulders to your face, tilting your head up so you were forced to look at him. You closed your eyes, unable to bear the idea of really looking at him. 

“He left,” you said, voice cracking. “Said he never wants to see me again. I’m fine,” you said it quickly, before Andrew had a chance to argue. “It’s fine. I understand it, I deserve it, I’m fine, it’s fine, I just need to give Kristen the care instructions…” 

Andrew pulled you against his chest, his lips finding your hair. 

“I’m so sorry,” he breathed. “I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry…” 

“Not your fault,” you were getting his shirt wet with tears. “It’s OK…” 

“Doctor?” Kristen called. “Everything OK?” 

You pulled back from Andrew and sniffed, trying to compose yourself. 

“Fine,” you said. “Just a long day. Let me go over this with you…” 

You were numb as you went over protocols, noted medication and amounts, making sure to triple check everything because you didn’t really trust yourself but you didn’t have another doctor to hand Penny’s care off to. 

Andrew and Jess were sitting in the waiting room when you finished. You frowned. 

“I thought I said to go on ahead,” you said. 

“We’re not just going to abandon you,” Andrew looked at you, incredulous. 

“I just want to go home and be alone,” you looked between them. “Really. It’s fine.” 

“Well then we’ll walk you home,” Jess said, chin jutting out defiantly, almost daring you to argue. 

You let them. They walked you all the way to your door, but wouldn’t let Andrew stay. 

“I’d feel a lot better if I just slept here,” he was frowning, his hands in his pockets. 

“I just want to do this on my own,” you couldn’t look at him, staring over his shoulder instead. 

“Are you sure you’re safe to be on your own?” Jess asked, her voice soft. You nodded, not looking at her. 

“I just need to cry for a bit,” you said. “I’ll see you at work on Monday.” 

Andrew ground his teeth for a moment before pulling you tightly against him. 

“I love you,” he said. “Wouldn’t be here without you. Don’t go doing anything stupid.” 

You hesitantly put your arms around him. 

“Love you too.” 

He and Jess left, Andrew giving you a lingering look as he closed and locked your door behind him. You looked around your apartment for a moment. One of Joel’s shirts was hanging on your closet door. The picture of you, him and Sarah was still on your nightstand. The book he’d been reading was on his side of the bed. 

You left it there, going to the bathroom and running a bath in the tub that was a little too small for an adult to take a bath in but you didn’t care. You took off your clothes, folding them and putting them in a neat pile on the toilet seat, your body on autopilot. 

He’d been right, of course. If Sarah had died that night, it would have been different had you told him. If you’d just opened your fucking mouth when you’d found out and told him instead of mulling it over and being too anxious… 

You slipped into the water, body too numb to really notice the temperature of it. You stared into space for a while, just letting yourself cry until it seemed like there was nothing else left in you to cry out. 

For a moment, you wondered what it would have been like if you’d just told him. It wasn’t the first time you’d imagined something like it. Pictured Sarah chasing a toddler around your grandmother’s back yard or holding a plump baby with a bucket hat on their tiny head as they kicked their little legs in the Millers’ pool. You’d pictured what your child would look like so many times. Boy or girl, they always had Joel’s hair and eyes. Sometimes they got your nose, sometimes his. They sometimes had the dimple he got on one cheek when he smiled. 

It had always been a sad impossibility before. You could have done things differently that day, done what you could to change Jessica’s fate, made it so you never got hit but, after years of playing it over in your mind, you knew there wasn’t much you COULD have done differently. Your child was something that just wasn’t meant to be, something that got taken away before you had a chance to really love it and hold it close. Now, it was a choice you’d made. Another mistake born of a mistake. 

You’d never really been meant to exist at all. Your parents never meant to have you, they’d left you with your grandmother who had stepped up out of obligation to her flighty daughter. You’d done nothing but fuck up everyone’s lives since day one. 

“Don’t let anyone take you from me.” 

“I wish I’d never fuckin’ met you.” 

You slid below the water, lying flat on your back in the bottom of the tub. You held your breath. You opened your eyes, the stained ceiling rippling overhead. Your lungs burned. The ceiling blurred. Your hair swirled in the water around you. You didn’t move when your body forced you to inhale, sucking water into your lungs. But your body wouldn’t let you stay still, making you shoot up, coughing and choking, gasping like you had anything worth living for. 

You cried again, staying in the tub until the water turned so cold that you could feel it. You went to bed alone, wishing the water had swallowed you.

A/N: Hi y'all. For folks who skipped to the end for a spoiler-y warning: FMC treats a patient who is having a miscarriage, Joel finds out about her miscarriage, freaks out that she never told him and leaves her.

I KNOW I'M SORRY I REALLY AM. Here's why it's working this way: 1) Joel after Sarah is largely defined by his inability to allow himself to love fully and honestly. Until he's forced to work through his shit, his trauma will not LET him love anyone. It's not safe. For him, loving someone will lead to his death. He can't do it yet. HE WILL EVENTUALLY. But he can't yet. Remember that the choices made by this Joel are literally life and death for him. After what happened with Sarah, he can't approach these choices any other way. 2) These characters are going to grow and develop along largely parallel paths for a bit and we're going to see them over the next few years where their paths cross until the day that Ellie shows up. Joel wouldn't be Joel if he was just happily with her for 15 years and she wouldn't be who I've been building her up to be if she was with the love of her life for 15 years. Their journeys are going to be separate for a bit but we're still going to see them together, I promise.

Thank you so much for reading and interacting and sticking with the story even though I throw SUPER SAD SHIT in all the time. I have a taglist now, so if you're interested in that, please let me know. I love you all like crazy!

Taglist: @paleidiot

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you

[munsonkitten]

After his shift, Eddie tells Steve he has a few errands to run before he goes home, and Steve says he’ll be over later. They separate at their cars, parked side by side, and Eddie finds Steve watching him as he climbs into his van. 

He gives a small little wave and a smile in Steve’s direction and then slams his door shut and starts up his loud engine. 

He peels out of the parking lot before Steve’s even in his car. 

“Hey, Ed,” the man at the liquor store says. “Long time no see.”

“Haven’t been drinking much, to be honest, Reggie,” Eddie tells him, bringing up a case of beer. The cheapest stuff he can get because he doesn’t know if Dustin is paying him back or not. “Throwing a little party tonight, though.”

Eddie passes over his cash, and Reggie doesn’t ask for his ID. He never has, and probably never will, not even when Eddie turns twenty one next month. His fake goes to waste in a town like this, only gets him into bars out in Indy, really, and he hasn’t gone out there in almost a year. Stopped when he decided he was serious about graduating, then everything went to shit, and now he doesn’t feel the need. 

Truthfully, Dustin probably could’ve gotten his own beer, but Eddie isn’t going to tell him that. He doesn’t want him getting in trouble on the off chance someone sees him, and he’d have to bike home with it all. Yeah, better not say anything. 

Eddie pulls up to the Hendersons�� house and curses under his breath when he sees Steve’s car in the driveway. He’s standing there, arms crossed as he leans against the back of it. 

He lifts his hand in a little wave when he sees Eddie, but his face says he isn’t happy to see him. 

Eddie can play this cool — he told Steve he was coming over here to bring some books, and while it was implied that they’d be D&D books, Steve won’t know that for sure. So Eddie pulls a battered old copy of The Hobbit out of his glove box, and kills his engine. 

“Hey,” Steve calls out. 

Eddie holds the book up for Steve to see. 

“One thing I forgot to tell you before you clocked out today,” Steve says. “Is that sound carries pretty well in the store.”

“Oh, well,” Eddie says. “Uh. That’s good to know. I just came to bring Dustin the book he asked for.”

“Cut the shit, Eddie,” Steve says. 

They’re standing a few feet apart in Dustin’s driveway, and Eddie sees the curtains in the front of the house move. Open, and then slam shut again. If he concentrates hard enough, he can hear Dustin’s panicked shit shit shit shit, but he knows that’s all in his head. 

His own thoughts are exactly the same.

“Okay,” Eddie says softly. “Okay, yeah. You’re right.”

“What am I right about?” Steve prompts. 

If Eddie weren’t feeling like he’s in trouble, he’d think Steve is really hot right now. All firm voice and no nonsense posture. If Eddie didn’t feel like he’s about to get his ass kicked, he’d be soaking through his boxers. 

“You’re right. I should cut the shit,” Eddie says simply. “I bought Dustin drinks for his party.”

“And do you think that was a good idea, Eddie?” Steve asks, exasperation in his voice. 

“I think I’ve been drinking since I was younger than them,” Eddie says. “And so have you.”

“And you want them to end up like us.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Eddie scoffs. 

“These kids start drinking now and it’s gonna be the way they deal with everything! You, of all people, should know that, Eddie! I had to—” Steve cuts himself off abruptly, clamps his mouth shut again. 

Eddie knows exactly what he was going to say. He knows that he’s going to say something about how he came over one day in July and found Eddie curled up on his side, a puddle of vomit on the floor next to him. How he had to drag Eddie into the bathroom and out of his clothes because Nancy had been worried about him and she thought it would be better if Steve checked in. 

In a way, it was. It meant no one else had to find out about him because Steve already knew, and it also meant that Steve was back in his life. 

But Steve’s mad at him. Steve’s mad, and that means he’ll probably call it quits on what they’ve been doing because he’s finally realized Eddie is just as irresponsible as everyone thinks, that he sells drugs and liquor to kids in town and that the kids they’re friends with aren’t excluded from his customer base. 

Steve’s going to break up with him — not that they’re even actually dating — and Eddie feels a tightness in his chest and throat that makes him want to push. Push the boundaries until something snaps. Make sure he does it himself so he doesn’t have to deal with the pain of Steve doing it instead.

“You had to do what, Steve?” Eddie asks. “You had to find me on a bad day? You had to make sure I didn’t brain myself on the bathroom counter? I’m sorry. Okay? I’m sorry, but the kids aren’t me.” 

“They’ve been through a lot,” Steve mutters. “And they’re too young. We’re supposed to be, like, good role models, and shit. We’re older, they look up to us and we’re not their friends, man. We’re babysitters, we keep them safe.”  

“Let me level with you here, Steve,” Eddie says. “Dustin’s fifteen, right? And you’re twenty. I’ll be twenty-one in three weeks. You know Gareth?”

“I know Gareth,” Steve mutters. 

“Gareth’s sixteen, almost seventeen,” Eddie says. “And he’s my friend. Hell, he’s in my band. I’m not his fucking babysitter. He’s been drinking at Coffin shows since he was, what, like thirteen? What’s the difference?” 

“The difference—”

“No,” Eddie says, cutting him off. “No, there isn’t one because any other time, you’re calling Henderson your friend. It’s just until I make a decision without you that you suddenly have a problem. Fuck off, Harrington.”

Eddie turns to go back to his van. He’s gonna get the beer and march it right up to the front door and then turn and leave. He has to go feed the cat and catch Wayne before he leaves for work. He doesn’t have time for this shit. 

“Excuse me,” Eddie mutters. “I think it’s better if you don’t come over tonight.”

Read more on AO3

#this is a snippet from chapter four #start with chapter one obviously #steddie #steddie fic #steddie angst #steve x eddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve harrington x eddie munson #steve/eddie #my fics #stranger things #trans eddie munson

[perfectlywrongformend3s]

Bass Player- Reggie Peters

A/n: You wrote a song for someone, but you kept it secret from everyone cause you didn’t want them to tease you. But Luke found it and showed everyone else.

Well, I may have changed some things about it so it’s not really like this description. Also I didn't know how to end it so I really hope the ending is good.

Song: Pierra

Written: Ryn Weaver

  -Samantha

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your POV

I was sitting in the studio writing my song that made me think of my crush. I know that I could never go out with him being a ghost, so I thought that I would write a song.

‘I danced in the desert, in the pouring rain,

Dark with the devil and forgot my name,

Woke with somebody when the morning came,

No one there to shame me for my youth,

‘Cause I wouldn’t be with you.’

After writing those lyrics down I started thinking of another verse. Before I knew it my hand started writing out my next verse.

‘ And then I found me a lover who could play the bass,

He’s kind of quiet, but his body ain’t…’

Before I could finish writing I heard the boys talking among themselves. I quickly hid my papers and then started just tapping random notes on the piano.

“ Hey Y/n/n.” Alex shouted

I let out a small laugh and said…

“ Hi.”

Luke came over and sat next to me. He just kept his eyes on me like he knew something, I don’t know which got me really curious.

So I stopped playing the piano and gave him my full attention. All he did was just give me a huge smile. I made a confused face, which just got a laugh out of him and the other two.

“ What.” I asked

Luke then looked over at Reggie and Alex. I groaned over them and I then let out an annoyed sigh.

“ Luke, come on! Tell me!.” I said kind of whining

He looked back over at me and opened his mouth.

“ Who’s the song for?”

I looked confused. “ What song?”

He rolled his eyes and played the melody that I was playing. I tried not to be nervous because then they all could tell I would be lying.

“ Um…it’s for no one. Why would you think it would be for someone?”

I looked at all of them and they all shrugged their shoulders.

“ No reason.” Luke states

I just gave him a smile, before saying…

“ Well could I finish my song in some peace then please.”

All of them nodded and headed out the door.

Luke’s POV

Once the boys and I were outside I stopped walking because I wanted to hear more of the song.

“ Dude!” Alex whispered shouted at me

I looked over at him. “ What?” I whispered

He did the ‘come over here’ motion with his hand. I mentally groaned and walked over to them.

“ We are not spying on her!” He told me

I frowned…” But I think I know who the song is about.”

He rolled his eyes while Reggie just looked really confused.

“ Who’s the song about Luke?”

I stopped paying attention to Alex and looked at Reggie I then smirked and winked at him.

“ You.” I said

Reggie looked shocked. “ Me.” he said pointing to himself

I smiled and nodded while Alex patted his back. He then raced over to the doors quietly to listen to the song.

Alex groaned, but followed us over to listen.

Your POV

I watched them walk out the doors to make sure they actually left before going back into my writing.

‘Says he can’t believe he found me,

Wraps his arms around me,

Yeah-eah, eah-eah-eah-yeah,

I can’t let him in,

You call me up and ask me how I’ve been,

I’ll call your bluff and,

Keep on telling, telling, telling you lies,

Keep on telling, telling, telling you lies,

No, I can’t let him in,

You play me rough, but I won’t let you win,

So, call my bluff, I’ll-’

Right when I was going to write another line I heard a car door slam. So I thought ‘Julie must be home’ Right after I thought of that she walked in the studio.

“ Hey Y/n/n! What are you working on?” She asked

I smiled, “ A song.” I respond

She got all happy and asked if she could hear it. I smiled and nodded my head cause I could never say no to her.

I played the song from the top to right where I stopped. I then glanced up at her. She had a huge smile on her face.

“ Oh no!” I said

She looked concerned…

“ What?”

“ Not you too!” I exclaimed

She let out a small giggle, “ Did the guys come in here to bother you.”

I nodded, which made her laugh more. Once she calmed down she asked…

“ Okay, but hear me out. Is this song about Reg-” I cut her off with a nod

She squealed and started gushing about me and Reggie. “ Awe! That’s so cute!”

Reggie's POV

After we saw Julie walk in the studio we headed back over to see what was going on. Right when we got there we all heard the last word Julie said…

“ Song about Reg-”

I looked at both Luke and Alex with wide eyes. Luke smiled and slapped my back gently. Alex made a go get your girl while Luke was trying to push me closer to the door. I was standing right in front of the door. I got nervous about talking to Y/n. I don’t know why I am. But once I got the confidence to knock to let them know that I was coming in.

I heard a “ come in” from both of them

I tried my best to not be nervous while making my way over to them.

“ Hey guys.” I said

Julie smiled at me while Y/n avoided my eyes. I frowned and asked…

“ Um…Julie, could you give us some space.”

She nodded and walked kind of fast. Once she was out the door I grew the courage to ask…

“ So..um. You wrote a song about me.”

She shyly nodded her head. I couldn’t help the smile on my face.

“ The song is so amazing. I’ve never had someone write me a song before.”

She finally glanced at me. “ Thank you.” She said softly

“ Um…can I hear it?” I asked

She patted the seat next to her and joined her on the bench. And so begins and it made me fall in love with her even more.

#Reggie Peters #reggie Peter imagines #reggie peters x reader #Reggie Peters x you #Reggie Peters x y/n #Reggie Peters x #Reggie Peters fanfic #Reggie Peters angst #Reggie Peters fluff #Reggie Peters fic #jeremy shada #julie and the phantoms #mine

[thrilling-oneway]

Hello! 2 and 13 for the ask game

2. fav card from least fav set

unrelated to the card but this is a haruka event not an emu event

13. how did i get into the game

it's complicated. it released about a month after i got into love live so i remember seeing it trend and stuff bc by then my twt account was so catered to idol shit. i kinda forgot about it after that until i started playing bandori in july 2021. i was looking for other rhythm games to play since i liked sif so much and was enjoying bandori, so i watched some videos and project sekai came up in one. i thought it looked cool so i checked the app store and it wasn't listed. i searched project sekai on youtube anyway to see what was going on, came across this video, discovered it was a vocaloid game and then was like "oh nvm then idc about vocaloid", and a couple weeks later downloaded d4dj because they mentioned it in that video and i got interested.

fast forward to november i'm not very good at d4dj and getting kinda tired of it. i get a video on my feed of someone playing the ensekai demo and i watched it bc idk maybe me wanting to play tap tap games overrules my dislike of vocaloid. thought it looked alright had a look to see if i could prereg and it wasn't compatible with my android phone so i gave up again. but the universe is stubborn and the sonic twitter account posted about there being a free sonic costume and i was like who cares i want the sonic costume and turns out the game works on a spare iphone i had lying about. it took me about 2 months to actually get invested in the game after that but yeah in short project sekai got me into d4dj which got me into project sekai and also there was a sonic costume.

#asks #ask game #universe really fucking wanted me to play project/sekai

[adultswim2021]

Moral Orel #30: “Nature - Part 2” | July 16, 2007 - 12:15AM | S02E20

Hey everyone it’s part 2! Of… Oh yeah, I forgot, this one’s pretty bleak. Sorry. I’ll change my tone. 

Charles Darwin once quoted his own father: 

To my deep mortification my father once said to me, "You care for nothing but shooting, dogs, and rat-catching, and you will be a disgrace to yourself and all your family.

I honestly don’t know what this has to do with the episode I watched. I just typed “Chrarles Darwin quotes” and “father” into google and that was the first thing that came up. It sorta has to do with the episode on some shallow level, but not enough for me to really build a thesis statement. If anything, I just made the intro to this write-up much worse. To be honest, I don’t like having to give emotional weight to things that already have plenty of it. Did I ever once dedicate a post to 9/11 on this blog? Wait, I did? Oh. Well, that was anti-humor or some other really smart thing. Deal with it! Deal with ME!

This is the continuation of “Nature”, which technically is called that and not “Nature - Part 1”. If you recall, that episode ended with a gunshot. It’s heavily implied that Orel shot his father. After the opening sequence we see what happened: Orel merely shot Clay’s last two bottles of booze. Clay reacts poorly to this. He picks up his rifle and points it at Orel; seemingly with an intent to shoot? And then he shoots Orel. In the leg. 

The intent is murky, and sorta up for debate. How deliberate was this action? I don’t know, and I don’t know if anyone does. By this I mean I read one thread on reddit where somebody asks this, and nobody linked to an interview with Dino saying whether Clay intentionally shot his son or not. It sorta seems like he did. Less murky is Clay’s reaction; hypocritically acting concerned that his son had been shot (intentionally downplaying the fact that he himself did it). Orel tells Clay that he, against Clay’s wishes, brought some disinfectant so Clay can clean the wound. Clay finds the rubbing alcohol and chugs it instead of using it to treat Orel’s wound. Orel looks Clay in the eyes and tells him: “I hate you.” 

At this point, Clay passes out. A bear shows up at the campsite and looks like he’s about to maul Clay. Orel shoots the bear dead. Clay stays passed out through morning, and doesn’t wake up until the next evening. Clay denies responsibility for shooting Orel, because he doesn’t remember it. When he sees the dead bear on the ground, he momentarily gets excited that Orel may have actually shot something. When he asks Orel for details, Orel denies it, saying Clay shot the bear while he was blackout drunk. Goddamn, dude. I’m crying like Kevin Smith at a Marvel movie over here.

The next scene is Clay and Orel having come from Dr. Potterswheel’s. Orel is in bed recovering from the traumatic ordeal. Bloberta brings him a plate of fatty foods, and Orel asks her why she married Clay. “Why not?” she answers. Season three focuses on this moment, where we explore their relationship a little more. Orel remarks that when Clay drinks he changes. She says that he doesn’t change; that it’s just his true nature coming out. Credits roll one-by-one over a shot of Orel in his bedroom; the camera is outside peering in through the window. We hear nothing but animal noises, and we see some crawling around. These noises and sights are usually tastefully absent from the suburban life Moralton enjoys. There’s also a blue crane in the tree, sorta watching over Orel. It either represents Orel’s innocence, or his faith, or whatever. It depends on who you ask. The episode is dedicated to John Cassevettes. 

Man, this is a powerful episode. Together, Natures Part 1 & 2 are a masterpiece. Season three would follow in a similar vein; how could it not? I mean, the show’s downfall was basically this episode and this turn; Adult Swim felt like they were no longer getting the show that they’d purchased. So they killed it, essentially. Would things have been different if Dino agreed to produce episodes of the show that explicitly took place before the hunting trip? Some of the episodes of season three do, in fact, take place before the hunting trip. Should he have pulled a Sledge Hammer! season two? We’re doing a Sledge Hammer! season two, Morty. The world didn’t end and we’re shooting on 16mm film Morty. When will you finally turn 18 Morty??

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #moral orel

[equallyshaw]

auld lang syne with dylan larkin

auld lang syne, is about catching up with old friends and loved ones or time long past; hence this imagine :)

Warnings: nothing much just talks about past toxic relationships. but this is a looong one haha.

Word Count: 3.5k +

← day four. day six. →

────────────

dylan and faye had been broken up for about 4 years by the time they saw one another in their infamous detroit bar; darcys. both of them were set to be married this upcoming july, and on this cold, wet and rainy march evening, the duo were reunited and had much to talk about.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

And days of auld lang syne?

faye sat down at the bar, instantly ordering a vodka lime and soda to start before moving her way down the bar. today was a frustrating and long day with the final wedding planning. her mom was killing her, stressing her about anything and everything, her sister was freaking out over the seating chart and her fiance and her were stressed to the max over their budget. it had been a day, and she just needed a strong drink and some solitutde.

dylan walked into the bar, and waved to the bartender and got his usual. it had been a tough practice as the playoff's were just around the corner, and he needed to relax a bit before going home.

both of them looked over at one another, without realizing it. their eyes both went wide as they realized who one another were. both looking away instantly, thinking they should forget about one another. maybe the other would, get up and move away. they hadn't spoken or seen one another since the break up 4 years ago. it was a bit amicable and a bit not so amicable. though they stuck it up, like adults and moved on with their lives in a healthy and mature way. though, there were definetly days where they cursed the other and what not, that was expected. faye rubbed the back of her neck, her ring in full view for dylan. he choked on his drink and wiped his mouth instantly. she looked over at him and quirked an eyebrow, as if to ask if he was ok. he nodded, looking down at his drink before sighing. was he really going to do this?

For auld lang syne

We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet

For auld lang syne

faye watched as the tall brunette took a few steps and was now sitting next to her. he stared at her ring, a vintage round diamond set on a gold band. "im getting married in july." she stated, and he smiled a bit. "me too, actually the 23rd." he responded. "me on the 16th." she smiled. the two nodded, and looked in front of them. the last time they had spoken was a bit tense, and therefore this meeting was a bit uncomfortable. "you struggled right? you struggled after our break up right?" faye blurted and gasped as soon as she realized what she had said. he looked at her and nodded, "yeah, how could i not? we had an amazing four years despite the last year." he stated and she nodded, "good, i didn't want to feel like i was crazy for doing so." she responded. he acknowledged the change in her body language, she sighed a sigh of relief. "yeah, i was a wreck after. it took me about a year before i met my fiance." he added. she smiled softly, "same here." she mused pulling some hair behind her ear. "do you remember when we first came to this bar?" he quizzed as he finished his drink. she smiled a wide smiled, remembering that cold winter night. "oh yes! phil here, for sure made sure we had a good time. the drinks kept coming!" she laughed. that memory replayed in their mind's, remembering.

flashback.

it was a snowy and cold janurary night as the two wandered into the desolate bar. "welcome to darcy's bar, what can i get for you two lovebirds?" phil the older bartender asked. dylan and faye looked at one another and blushed. a vodka lime soda for her, a whiskey on the rocks. the two sat down at the bar, and looked around at the outdate italian bar. nobody elese was in here, besides phil. "yeah, when it snows badly i tend to be alone for the evening. though i am happy that you strolled in." phil said genuinly. faye smiled, sipping her drink. "us too, we've never come over this way so we haven't seen the bar before." dylan responded. "oh i know! i would of remember you two." phil stated with genuine fondness.

it was around four hours later at 2 am that dylan and faye were finally making their way out of the bar. phil poured and poured for the young couple and at one point made a call with dylans phone for a teammate to come fetch the two. and throughout their four years, they ventured in here a few times a year and always made sure to catch up with phil who became somebody they came to for some wisdom or advice.

present.

faye and dylan smiled at one another. "that was a great evening, i had realized that i was falling in love with you." she confessed and he nodded. "me too especially when you got up on on the booth seat and sang party in the usa." he said bringing back a vivid memory and faye immediatley covered her face in embarrasment. that was here go to song when she was drunk and did karaoke. "noooo, no that was horrible thank god phil was not in the room at that moment." she said in between fits of laughter. she wiped her eyes, almost crying tears of laughter. dyland couldn't hold back his laughter either. that was a night they would always remember. "remember when we had the christmas get together here our second year together? the team most certaintly enjoyed their time here." faye said and dylan nodded enthusastically. "yeah and i cant forget out karaoke duet of dont stop believing." he said and faye laughed. the two's laughter settled down after a minute, "i always loved that song. i always thought of that as our song." she said hesitantly. dylan smiled to himself, because he had thought that too. "me too, i always thought that would be our first dance song, even from the gecko." he said sheepishly. faye felt her heart drop, because she too had thought that. she chugged the rest of her drink and set the cup back down. she needed more alcohol for this conversation than she previously thought. phil popped over, and smiled. "what may i get you miss faye?" he questioned, already knowing the answer. "a moscow mule." dylan responded like second nature. faye blushed a bit and nodded, and phil smiled. "coming right up." he said promtly, and whisked himself away. faye sat back in the bar chair and looked over at dylan. she smiled leaning over and fixed his tie a bit. she smoothed it down, awe overtaking his face. she pulled away, and took the drink gratefully from phil who handed dylan another drink.

We too have run around the slopes

We've londoned many weary foot

Since auld lang syne

dylan and faye became close rather quickly about 7 years ago. together from their first year at university of michigan at the age of 18 and to ages 22. spending every free moment of dylan's together, and between her overdemanding fast track for her international relations degree so she could get her masters quicker. there relationship was overall amazing, but they definetly had their up's and down's during the transition from michigan to the nhl. dylan never let up over the constant nagging her did on himself, and sometimes faye.

flashback.

"stop yelling at my dylan! youre hurting my feelings!" faye screamed at dylan. the two were in his new home outside of detroit and dylan was frustrated with moving in. having offered to help, dylan made it known that the way she was trying to help and make things easier was not helping. "dyl- just stop." she said frustratingly as she wiped away some tears. she leaned back against the kitchen counter and shut her eyes. dylan was never very good at keeping his emotions, feelings or thoughts in check. which made faye upset especially if he was throwing out the things he was saying. dylan stood across the room with his hands on his hips, and began to pace. faye had had enough, this was one of the last straws that finally broke the camels back. this was unfortuntly one of the last conversations they had had before their breakup. faye sighed, walking towards her bag and started to walk towards the front door, dylan instantly going after her. he stopped the door from shutting by grabbing it, she looked back and he saw the defeated expression. she was done, she was over everything. "im done dylan, let me know when your done. ill come over then since i don't seem to be much help." she stated before walking towards her car. she opened the door, slammed it and drove off in a span of 2 minutes. dylan stood there with the door still open, as he watched her drive off. fuck that, faye thought as she drove towards her on campus apartment. if he wasn't going to treat me with respect and as an adult, she wasn't going to stand around and solve nothing.

a week later the two were at dylans house eating thai takeout and talking about the previous week. "are you unhappy with me?" she asked curiously, as she set down her food. he looked up from his food and gave her a shocked look. "what do you mean?" he questioned, sipping some pop. she sighed, rolling her eyes. she stood up, and rubbed her exhausted eyes. "you've been treating me horribly dylan. this past year has been shit and ive felt like shit. i feel like im not good enough, especially now that youre in the nhl- i dont feel like im good enough." she began and held her hand up as soon as he tried to defend himself. "no, youre constantly upset. always needing a punching bag and that punching bag is me. i cant catch a break. im so close to fucking graduating, i dont need or deserve the extra stress that makes me feel physically sick dylan, i just don't. i shouldn't have to walk around you with egg shells all the time." she said exasperated as she stared at him with tears in her eyes. she felt a physical release of all the pent up thoughts and feelings subside, just a bit. dylan looked down at his hands, trying to find the right words. "there's nothing you can really say dyl that'll make me forget or forgive." she paused taking in his reaction. he looked up, but didn't give her a distinctive reaction or emotion. she swallowed her tears, not suprised. "theres nothing you can say or do that will change my mind. i love you dyl, but everytime i see you a little bit of me dies everytime. you make me miserable, angry, sad and lonely. it's not worth losing myself every day a bit more just trying to appease you." she said the last part softly. he stood up and walked over to her and paused. she looked at him unsurely, and he wrapped his arms around her. he felt her tense up before relaxing, and she placed her arms around him. she had tiptoed around dylan for the past year and she was tired, and frankly over it. even though she would always have immense love for him, she would rather watch from afar than be in his life. "im sorry, for everything faye." he said kissing her head and then releasing from the hug. faye walked out of the house for the very last time that evening, and never looked back.

present.

"yeah after you told me what i had been doing, i really focused on myself that year. i went to therapy, got on some meds for anxiety. never realizing until then that i took out my anxiety on you in the form of anger. and i deeply apologize for that. i learned a lot about our relationship and myself in that year, and since then i haven't been able to stop going. it helps me a lot and my fiance appreciates that i take the time to do so." dylan confessed and faye smiled, placing her hand on his. "im so glad dylan, that's all i wanted for you." she beamed catching his brunette eyes. "yeah, i told myself that after the four years i wouldn't date anybody for a long while. but fate had other plans." she giggled, amusing herself. he quirked an eyebrow, "oh why's that?" he inquired sipping his drink. "i met my fiance four months after we broke up when he moved into the same townhosue complex as me. he had a golden retriever and collie mix, named felix who i absolutley was smitten with the very first time i saw him. he had somehow gotten off his leash in the complex and ran over towards to me as i was walking towards my door. i joked to my fiance that he needed to get a harness for his dog but the dog loved me. felix was cupid, we like to joke." she blushed. dylan studied the twinkle in her eye as she talked about them. that was how he looked when he spoke about his fiance. "and then it took about a year before i said yes to getting coffee." she said looking over at dylan. "playing hard to get?" he joked, and she giggled. "yes and no, you were very hard to get over mr.hockey player." she joked pushing his shoulder. he jokingly grabbed his chest where his heart was, and pretended to act hurt. "still a big baby huh?" she joked.

We too have paddled in the stream

From morning sun to night

But the seas between us broad have roared

From auld lang syne

the year after the couple broke up was difficult for both of them. they didn't know life without one another. with dylan in therapy, and faye becoming recluse. they fought their battles alone and without one another. they had to overcome guilt, shame, anger and sadness throughout that year. still to this day, the way things ended sometimes pop up from time to time when new situations arise with their partners.

"have you, you know thought about me at all?" dylan asked nervously while they got their fourth drink for the evening. the same for him, and a expresso martini for her. she shrugged, "you were my first with everything dylan; its hard not to think of you sometimes." she said smiling at phil. "you?" she questioned, sipping her drink. perfect, she thought. he nodded, "yeah. what we shared was different than what me and my fiance share now. and ive been reassured that that is true with a lot of young couples our age when we were together. a lot of immaturity on my part not yours, and things constantly changing." he responded and she nodded. "i feel the same. at the beginning of my relationship, i would compare with what we had and then at one point i was like, no. stop. that isn't healthy and i think sometimes hurt him. and it wasn't fair to him at all, either i was gonna be all in or not." she stated. dylan grunted in agreemant, "yeah my therapist was very blunt with me when i started dating her. i needed to put the past in the past and have it not be so constant. over time it got easier, but when we went to niagra falls a few months back i couldn't help but remember our trip up there. the little bed and breakfast we stayed at, the coffee and pancakes. things like that, our experiences sometimes creep up." he said thinking about their trip to niagra falls the summer between her sophmore and junior year. she nodded, "well when him and i got in our first fight which fighting is pretty rare with us now but i remember closing off because i kept getting flashabcks of how you were when we fought. which was a lot." she paused giggling and rubbing her face. dylan understood, it was the same for him and his fiance. "he had no idea why i stopped talking when i walked into the other room. he didn't understnad that i had fought with somebody who didn't know how to express their emotions without acting like a five year old." she winked, and he smirked. "touche miss franklin." he tipped his drink towards her. he wasn't upset at her dig, he understood where she was coming from. old him, would of lashed out and said somethings that he wouldn't have been able to take back the following morning.

"its taken a lot of positive experiences to kinda erase the hard year we faced togther. grandite it was only a small piece of our relationship but it defintatly left a scar on me. it was the last thing i knew, and it hurt me very deeply." she said honestly and he nodded. "yeah me too. i forgot what a healthy relationship felt like." he stated and faye tipped her drink towards him on that.

For auld lang syne

We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet

For auld lang syne

their relationship for three years was healthy, positive and exciting.obviously, things took a turn that fourth year with him having his second year in the nhl. after talking things through the messy parts of their relationship and breakup they couldn't help but talk about the good times.

"your first nhl game was something else." faye smiled with fondness. "your mom i thought was going to break my hand while we watched you throughout. especially then when you scored, i had never seen her scream so loud and jump." she paused giggling, "your dad was certaintly having a great time as well. remember how we celebrated afterwards? the champagne would not stop coming." she smiled. dylan nodded, "yeah it was a great night. especially with you by my side." he smiled. "though we had only been dating for a year, i knew. i knew you were the one." he confessed. "and then along with that night coming in here underage." he joked causing her to giggle. "oh god yes, phil was so kind!" she laughed. dylan agreed, rubbing the back of his neck. "i brought you a promise ring the next day. a nice one at that." he prompted and she smiled. "yep, that nhl money really came in handy." she joked causing him to throw his head back in laughter. "one positive thing that came from the nhl and hockey." she said with a double meaning. dylan knew what she meant too. dylan a year into his nhl career, became angry and had outburts. his anxiety was at an all time high and didn't understand and realize how that was affecting his personal life, life away from the rink. thus, adding to the breakup. "yeah youre right." he simply stated. she gave him a small apologizing smile. "what's his name?" he asked, and she looked up at him surprised. "morgan fox." she stated. "hers?" she questioned. "mackenzie smith." he responded and she nodded.

faye looked down at her phone and realized it was 1 am, and saw texts from her family and morgan. he was wondering what time she'd be home. she texted him that she was at darcys and that she would be getting an uber home. he said no, and that he was on his way over. she looked back up at dylan and the two sat in silence until their rides pulled up. they walked outside, and saw their fiances waiting. dylan faced faye and she did the same as well. she pulled him in for a warm and inviting hug, "good luck with the wedding. i wish you guys the best." she smiled as he wrapped his arms around her. somewhat shocked. "you too, though i know you don't need it." he half joked ahd she smiled. they let go of one another, and morgan walked around to open the car door for her. she thanked him, placing a quick peck on his cheek and hopped in. mackenzie smiled up at dylan as he hopped in the car, and as he placed a quick peck on hers.

the two had shared a lot that night and we emotionally drained as they headed to their respective homes. they both shared to their fiances what happened, and both of them agreed that it was good to get that closure that they had been longing for for years. two old friends and partners catching up with a drink in hand. both about to start a new chapter in their lives, reminiscning about some parts. they could finally go into their chapters with clarity and with their wholehearts; no longer clouded or stuck in the past.

────────────

@fayefox: so grateful for you my love. Here’s to forever. 🤍 #meetthefoxs

455 likes, 120 comments.

Tag: morganfox

Location: Denver

— 

@morganfox: my girl forever 🫶🏻

@dylan.larkin: congrats you guys! Wish you all the best.

@morganfox: thankyoy man! Appreciate it.

•

@dylan.larkin: my partner for life :) #happyeverlarkins

Tag: @kenzielarkinn

Location: Ann Arbor

23.9k likes, 1.4k comments

—

@kenzielarkinn: love u mostest 🤭

@fayefox: ahh the hair lol. Congrats you guys!

@kenzielarkinn: Thankyou Faye!!!

—

Hope you all enjoyed :)

RANDOM tags: @jayda12 @fallinallincurls @mack-samo @13hischier @nolanmoylee @blankenlove @nicoleloveshockey

please like and reblog-- apprecaite it!!!!

#Dylan larkin #Dylan Larkin imagine #Dylan larkin one shot #dyland larkin x oc #Detroit red wings #nhl #hockey #nhl imagine #nhl one shot #hockey oneshot #hockey imagine

[gracefireheart]

A collection of me either trying to make a scene that happened in RP, or just making up a scene of my own. Also yes, all of these are focused on one character; Ryan Parker (aka my blorbo)

Keep reading if ya wanna hear context behind each of these (and something else that I found out and still find funny)

First drawing (drawn June 26th 2019) - I can’t 100% remember exactly what happened, but it was something about how Reid- Ryan’s friend at the time- had to tell them that they couldn’t hang out anymore due to Reid being part of a biker club and needing to prioritize that instead. So Ryan ran off and was emo for a moment before... something happened. Like I said, can’t quite remember, but the two got to hang out again.

Second drawing (drawn July 13th 2019) - After the last drawing, Ryan and Reid became a couple! It was fake at first so they could hang out, but the two eventually fell in love. So I made this scene up- with the help of Sims 4 to replicate the office they had in the biker compound- and then these fucking streamers [affectionate] that plays these two characters recreated this scene in my drawing AT THE END OF THEIR STREAM. BRUH. I was a giggling mess to say the least :’> ... And then the (RP) war happened on the day after o(-(

Third drawing (drawn July 17th 2019) - Tldr; A war broke out between the bikers and a group that called themselves “Cop Killer Records”, and in the center of the war was sadly Ryan. Who ended up held up by the opposing group, got something carved into his chest, and was shot down. While he laid unconscious in his own blood, EMS on their way to his location, someone came up to him. A man by the name of Norman Bones, who sorta signified death. And if I remember correctly, before Norman left Ryan, he said “Not yet.” So uh, yeah. Intense shit.

Fourth drawing (drawn July 25th 2019) - I- along with others- needed some fluff after a week or so of angst from these people due to the war, so I ended up drawing this. Just Ryan and Reid, sitting in the former’s beach apartment, and watching a movie together. I also added a couple of lil’ easter eggs to those who watched these guys as well. One of them being the wedding invite to Mia (Ryan’s best friend) and Colombo’s wedding (which uh... never ended up happening orz). The other being the bloodied map at the right side of the drawing, which Ryan recieved from Reggie’s will (who was a biker who died during the war that just happened).

Fifth drawing (drawn August 29th 2019) - Honestly, just wanted to draw Ryan and Mia together, just chatting shit and doing makeup or whatever :’>

Sixth drawing (drawn December 10th 2019) - Another scene where I just wanted to draw some fluff. This I had to rebuild how the streamer playing Reid built his- and Ryan’s- home in Sims 4. It was a fun drawing to do~.

Seventh drawing (drawn January 23rd 2020) - Ah yes. The voldemort timeline as I named it. ‘Cause- at the time- I don’t think Ryan was a lot around ‘cause the streamer behind him had to play his cop character for a while, so Reid (and the streamer behind the character) was joking around about divorcing Ryan. ... Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, they got married during a bank heist where they played DnD. He didn’t divorce him tho’, and Ryan got to come around here and there again.

Eight drawing (drawn Febuary 25th 2020) - Another scene I made up ‘cause I went around in GTA 5 and took a bunch of screenshots of places I would want to try and draw at some point with either just Ryan or both of them. This screenshot is of their home, which is in Sandy Shores.

Ninth drawing (drawn March 27th 2020) - Yet another place I screenshotted, tho’ I think it was ‘cause they found this place in RP, but I can’t say for sure. Anyways, thought it would be cute to make the lil’ room you can go inside of the destroyed plane at the junkyard into a cozy hangout spot. That’s about it.

Tenth drawing (drawn May 24th 2020) - One of my favorite drawings while I’ve been in this fandom! <3 Again, Ryan couldn’t be played for a bit, so I drew him relaxing at his and Reid’s home. Also, there’s that snake again that I really love. (Which I think can be found in the Yellow Jack, and also, Gazz- another biker and Reid and Ryan’s adopted son- named the snake Sheila)

Eleventh drawing (drawn May 27th 2020) - Basically just Ryan and Reid cuddling in bed. That’s about it.

Twelth drawing (drawn May 30th 2020) - I guess I got tired of fluff at the time and just wanted to draw Ryan having some sad boi hours™. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Eleventh drawing (drawn July 17th 2020) - At this time, I got CSP! So, I got to test out it’s 3d features thingy that could help out immensely with the background, which it did and still does! I don’t quite remember if this was a real scene or just me wanting to draw the old ladies (Ryan, Paddy (the redheaded guy) and Lucy (the redheaded lady)) and JP (who’s another biker) just going grocery shopping. It was really fun to draw, tho’ a lil’ frustrating ‘cause of the setting o(-(

Twelth drawing (drawn September 27th 2020) - With Ryan having been in the racing scene a bunch, I just wanted to draw him being a tease while also holding a sandwich or something :’>

Last drawing (drawn September 29th 2020) - So, this scene didn’t happen either. But! There had been times where Ryan had threatened to stab people with a lockpick if they did some shit towards him, his lover, or his friends/family. Which is why I drew this :) (Also, the text is in reference to the fact that a lot of cop characters think that Ryan is 100% a pacifist due to how much he refuses to use a gun/carry a gun with him)

And that’s about that! The funny thing I did want to tell y’all about is how- a month or so back- I found out that Ryan and Reid has been divorced for a while now, but from the looks of it, are still friends? I think? It doesn’t say a lot on the wiki, but does state that Ryan is associated with the biker gang in some way still. Idk. What I do know was that it made me laugh so hard when I found that out :’]

#my art #Ryan Parker #GTA RP #NoPixel #GTA RP NoPixel

[swaggy-pregnant-elf-man]

I posted 2,985 times in 2022

That's 1,767 more posts than 2021!

23 posts created (1%)

2,962 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@elytrians

@thekidsfromyestergay

@cttrajan1206

@discardedcandywrapper

@greenbeany

I tagged 1,232 of my posts in 2022

#mcr - 290 posts

#ofmd - 79 posts

#art - 65 posts

#toh - 41 posts

#birds - 21 posts

#tiktok - 18 posts

#lol - 15 posts

#lmao - 14 posts

#fuck capitalism - 14 posts

#prev tags - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 74 characters

#🦀🦀🦀😁🦀😁😁😁😁😁😁🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀😁😁🦀🦀😩🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

HELP ITS ME SUMI

The londoner in ur birmie squad sjdhhdf

i am so sorry bro i dont think i am who u think i am 😭😭

8 notes - Posted June 11, 2022

#4

aras have you seen the Joan of Arc outfit yet

I HAVE NOW KSKDKLEODJ DKDOEOL I AM GOING RVEN MORE INSANE GOING TO WATCH THE STREAM NOW

10 notes - Posted November 19, 2022

#3

3000 posts!

ashamed 😔

16 notes - Posted July 31, 2022

#2

clownwife

19 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I love the energy and all and I don’t want to offend but as a Muslim girl i can tell you that it is literally haram to identify as anything other than your god given gender. Like I’m not trying to be rude and I’m glad that there a respectful supportive people out there but if you’re looking at the Quran and other islamic book you’ll find stories about how its considered haram. Accepting the islam religion means accepting everything and dedicating yourself to it you can’t just pick and choose.

omg my first anon hate hahaha

i know im not obligated to answer hate but im going to anyway bcuz of i have things to say (sparkle emoji) (im on pc and dont have the energy to find an emoji keyboard)

okay first of all nowhere did i say that I identify as Muslim. i get that it was ambiguous tho so its cool. to clarify,, I am personally not Muslim but I kind of have to act like one so I don't get kicked to the streets or some shit lol and maybe I'm a bit of a coward idkkk but anyways

I would be interested to know what other Islamic books ur talking about btw, but I'm pretty sure the quran doesn't mention being trans anywhere at all. in fact I'm pretty certain, I've read it multiple times with translation and commentary interpretations and anyway being trans wasn't really a 'known' thing back then? bcuz obviously patriarchy and gender roles n segregation blah blah was wayyyy more yk. shit I forgot the word. uhhh yk like prevalent?? ofc the quran does mention a shitton about gender roles,, so yk men r the breadwinners, women raise the kids and keep house and be good wives etc. and also remember the big important fact:: GENDER AND SEX R DIFFERENT THINGS!!! meaning technically u cant be 'born' a gender (omfg my keyboard hates me imagine a question mark here) ur born with certain genitals and society assigns u a gender based on that . sounds a bit fucked when u put it like that actually but anyway back when the quran was being revealed this wasn't a known thing cuz yk they didn't have studies on this stuff,, and yea ur probably gonna say 'but the quran came from allah and he knows everything' well the fact of the matter is he either forgot or smth idk I don't speak for God but trans people definitely exist that's a fact we know so yeah. oh I should come back to my point which was, even with the quran saying those things about what ur supposed to do based on whats in ur pants which is crazy outdated anyway it doesn't take gender ≠ sex into consideration either soo ye that's the most it could've said about being trans and that not very valid anymore rip and that's not even mentioning non-binary people

and anyway Islam is literally all about acceptance and respect and everything so idk it would probably be better if u didn't go around telling ppl they're 'literally haram' for being trans or gay or any typa queer bcuz its literally not our choice (insert question marks) believe me I would fucking love to be comfortable in my 'female' body but I cant no matter how much I try to force myself so I'm sorry dude. no one would choose to be stuck in a situation like this. personally, I believe Islam needs a super massive reformation. well not Islam exactly, but a lot of things said in the quran r outdated wildly now, while a lot of it will also always be relevant, eg. everyone being equal and yk give to the poor etc. i have absolutely nothing against Muslims (I have it against my family for being so forceful about religion - different thing) yall r super cool and ik being a Muslim girl isn't easy believe me, but genuinely seeing Muslim people around and yk, just existing in wider society outside of Islamic spaces makes me feel so proud of where I came from even if its not been the best experience. have u seen the show We are Lady Parts (question mark) its about an all female Muslim punk band and there's only six episodes I literally watched it all today but the message of it is what I'm trying to get to you. u don't have to be the perfect pious wife to be considered a 'good Muslim',, there are so many ways u can show faith. you don't have to be a big strong man who can handle all pain with ease while single-handedly providing for a family either.

anyways peace out that sure was a journey lol and I definitely have forgot some of the things I wanted to say but yea that's all don't forget to like and subscribe &lt;3

(colours r to make it easier to read for people with shorter attention spans,, they don't have any other significance)

36 notes - Posted February 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #this is so funny lol #this is a cringefail blog fr #look vel and frederico ur on here thats crazy #omg and michael hiii

[ificouldhelpyouforget]

[11] I Love You, Tim Riggins (Tim Riggins x OFC)

MASTERLIST | DWHI MASTERLIST

Warnings: none

Words: 1.7k

"We're gonna lose the house," Tim told me.

We were walking around the football field because we wanted to. School was done for the day as well as practices. Neither of us was ready to go home.

"Did Billy lose his job again?" He nodded. "How much?"

"$2,000. We have to get it by next week."

I took his hand. "Let me help you guys. Please. I don't want either of you out on the streets."

He sighed. "I don't want your money, Catherine. People will think I'm using your family name as a cushion."

"Who cares? We'll know the truth. I'm not lettin' you find some questionable way to get the money – I know Billy. I'm willin' to help, so let me."

I squeaked when Tim wrapped me up in a hug. "You're too good for this town, Barton."

"Never."

*****

Dillon High was still crowded with Laraby kids, but things were calming down after the game. Their school renovations were nearing completion, so it was only a little bit longer before we were free. 

A couple of Larby boys looked at me and snickered just as one of the yearbook girls came up to my locker. I scowled at the boys before smiling at Samantha. She handed me an envelope with my name on it.

"We took these forever ago and forgot to give them to you. There're two copies of each photo"

"Subject?"

She smiled. "You and Tim Riggins."

"Are you serious? Please tell me they won't make it into the yearbook."

"That's up to the editor." Samantha said bye and left me alone again.

With shaking hands, I opened the envelope. A smile came on my face followed by a blush.

The first photo on the stack was me at State. Mrs. Taylor and Julie were in the shot with me, but it was clear I was the main subject. The 33 on my cheek was where my eyes went first.

Tim and I were standing in front of some lockers in the second shot. He was talking and I was listening wholeheartedly, a bright smile on my lips.

The next was at the powderpuff game when Tim high-fived me after a touchdown. There was a shot of me showing Tim how to use my camera, which I didn't know they had another person there taking photos. The last few photos were various moments of me and Tim throughout the last year. I hadn't realized what a spectacle we were in Dillon.

My favorite photo was me in his beat-up ball cap from a few weeks prior. I was laughing hard about something Tim said and he was watching me. My heart raced. I'd never seen him look at me like that and it was a look. The look.

"How cute," Julie said as she sidled up beside me to peer over my shoulder. "Who took those?"

"Yearbook. It's the first time I've seen them."

She eyed the one I was still staring at. "That's a really cute picture. Tim looks totally in love with you."

My stomach flipped. "Yeah."

"Are you okay?"

"Um..." I took a deep breath. "Do you really think he loves me?"

Julie made an 'o' with her mouth and smiled. "Definitely. It's pretty clear every time he looks at you, not just in this photo."

I nodded slowly, making a neat stack with the photos.

"Oh, and he's on his way over. I'll see you later, Cat." Julie left just as Tim came up behind me.

His arms went around my shoulders and he kissed the top of my head. "What's that?"

I turned to face him and hand the photos over. "Yearbook as been stalkin' us."

Tim's eyes lit up with each one he saw. I loved it.

"You're pretty cute, Catherine Barton."

"They gave me two copies of all of them."

"Smart idea." He immediately started gathering his pile of images.

I took my stack when he finished and made him bend over to kiss me. He pushed our hips together to deepen the kiss long enough before a teacher came and scolded us.

I laughed and rested my forehead on his chest. "My parents are leavin' today. You're welcome to come back over once they do. We've got a pool now."

"You sure you want me to have that invitation again?"

I nodded against him. "I miss you bein' around. I'm a lot happier when you're there and not so lonely."

"I'll see you tonight then." Tim kissed my lips before showing me the picture from State. "This one's my favorite." He kissed me again.

*****

I skipped up to Tim's truck when he pulled into the drive. My parents left a few hours before, so I called his house. He said he would be over after he got the things he left at Guy Raston's house.

"You get your stuff?" I asked, circling his waist with my arms.

He nodded, looking guilty. "I did something, Cat."

"Please don't say something like that when you come over. I feel like I'm about to have a breakdown and you haven't told me anything."

"I found $3,000." He rubbed his face. "No, I stole $3,000... from Guy."

I stepped away from him. "Why the hell did you do that?"

"Billy was with me and I accidentally knocked over one of Guy's guns. I went to pick it up and found money under his table. I wasn't thinking, so I took it. Billy used it to pay for the mortgage."

"Tim Riggins," I started, "I told you I was gonna help and you decided stealin' from a drug dealer was a better idea? What the fuck? He's gonna come after you."

"I know. I'm an idiot. I understand if you want to send me back home." He reached for his truck handle.

I grabbed his arm to keep him from climbing in the truck cab. "I don't want you to go home, Tim, and you're not an idiot. You made a bad choice. That doesn't mean you're stupid.

"I'm pissed you stole cash when I was ready to help because you Riggins boys are important to me. And you're not goin' anywhere except this house, all right? You're stayin' right here with me."

He stared down at me. I could see him struggling with his head. When he started looking everywhere except me, dread gathered in the pit of my stomach.

"I don't deserve you."

I grabbed his face and made him look at me. "Don't you dare do what you're thinkin', Tim. Please." I started tearing up before I realized it. "Please please please please don't."

Tim still tried to avoid looking at me, making my tears fall faster. "You're too good for me. I'm just gonna keep bringin' you into all my shit and I can't do that to you. You've got a future."

"You have one, too! Just because you're a troublemaker and prefer drinkin' over school, that doesn't mean you have nothin' waitin' for you in the future, Tim." I grasped his hand. "Don't sell yourself short... I'm not too good for you..."

He didn't say anything, didn't step away. He couldn't look at me.

My breath shook and I pressed the top of my head against his chest. "Please, believe me, Tim. I-I... I love you."

The stillness that followed had me hold down a sob. I was afraid to look up at him, but I needed him to do something. Preferably something that didn't end in him breaking up with me to be a hero.

Timidly, stepped closer and repositioned my head to listen to his heart. It was a mess. I hugged him. "I love you, Tim, Please, don't... don't go."

The air in my lungs whooshed out when Tim captured my mouth with his. He pushed me back against his truck and angled my head to deepen our kiss. Goosebump rose on my neck when his hands brushed against the flesh of my back.

The second my fingers wound their way into his hair, he picked me up and laid me across the seat of his truck. He crawled on top of me and kissed me more. Tim's lips touched my jaw just as his knee brushed against a hyperaware area, making me gasp.

"Tim," I breathed. It was my attempt to get him to slow down.

Tim's head fell on my shoulder, his hands still firm on my hips. I felt his lips connect to the skin on my neck a few times. He sighed and looked down at me.

"You mean it, Barton?" There was so much uncertainty in his voice.

My lips turned up. "I love you, Tim Riggins."

Suddenly, he pressed short kisses all over my face and neck, ridding me of the fear I had earlier. He finished with a long and slow kiss to my lips that left me in a dream-like state.

"I love you, too." His lips connected with mine a few more times, filling the truck with the sound.

I had to catch my breath when his lips lingered on my collarbone. "D-Don't leave me because you wanna be a hero. I want to be with-th you through everything." Tim lifted my shirt to expose my stomach and my world spun. His lips trailing along the newly revealed area wasn't helping. "I-I can't focus with you-you doin' that."

"Then quit talkin' and let me kiss you."

My laugh was airy. "I feel like your truck isn't the best place for this."

"All right."

Tim got off of me and pulled me to the end of the seat by my ankles. He put me over my shoulder, kicked his door shut, and brought me into my house. We were barely on the couch when he started kissing my skin again.

He kissed me again and again until the early hours of the morning when he was falling asleep in my hold. His lips still touched my flesh.

Neither of us made it to school and he almost missed practice. I could hardly bring myself to get off of the couch from the tingling of my skin. I was afraid it would go away if I moved too much. I was more than willing to lie there and wait for my Panther to come home.

#fnl #fridaynightlights #friendship #highschool #love #ofc #originalcharacter #originalfemalecharacter #romance #timriggins #timrigginsxoc #tvshow #fnl fanfiction #Friday night lights fanfiction #Tim riggins fanfiction

[eyeofthemoose]

Okay I guess it's time for a lil story time about my bulgarian friend (used to be with benefits but now just friend) from work because I just had a little realization about my feelings and... yeah story timeee with Eva at 4am bc my bedroom is too hot to sleep so why nottt:

So yeah, after my failed relationship that ended at the beginning of 2019 i was kind of a trainwreck for half a year basically. But then around the second half of August when Lover came out, one day I was listening to "I forgot that you existed" and suddenly it hit me that I, in fact, did forget that he existed, and I stopped crying over him and blah blah. So I finally started noticing other guys again, it was like "Wow, other guys actually exist, what a revelation" and I noticed this guy at work, he just started working there maybe a few months before that but I never really SEEN him before obviously bc crying etc. And it hit me so harddd. Immidiately. Boom, a new crush. I had to get to know this fine mannn. So I stalked his name on a working plan and found him on Facebook and added him to friends and ofc that was it for a few weeks bc shy lil Eva lmaooo. Then in September he texted me birthday wishes, as in privately anddd i took the chance so I thanked him and asked how was his day and well, the rest is history.

We had been texting a looot, bonded a lot, I felt a real connection between us. He ofc knew I had a crush on him and we've been flirty and etc and it was amazing 3 months, I loved every second of it and I was sooo goneee. And then finally he invited me over after christmas. We exchanged gifts etc it was cute, we watched some movies but I don't remember what they were lmao and we had some drinks and ofc one thing let to another and... we fucked

And I swear to god I didn't recognise myself in that moment bc I never done something so reckless before like idk what happened to me but I liked it and wanted it.

OH AND ALSOO... his ex gf was living with him at the time as well lmao but I think she was gone for the holidays.

But anyway we fucked and silly me thought it was a start of something serious lmaooo bc like he was so gentle with me afterwards, kissed my forehead and whatnot.

But next day at work he was ofc distant and then after work he texted me saying that it was a mistake and that he's sorry and that we should stay friends. I was heartbroken yet again. But I couldn't stay away from him bc like we worked together and etc so like at first i was mad at him but then I agreed to being friends.

Two months had passed and I don't remember now how and why we had that conversation (bc we still texted but it wasn't so often and the "magical" bond was kinda done by then ofc) but at some point i was like: "we both lonely, why not be fwb" lmfaooo my biggest mistake ever.

But yea it happened. So in february 2020 he invited me over again (his ex was in the other room, it was crazy lmao) and we watched game of thrones, he made me interested in it and I watched it on my own in the next few months lol but that's not the point. We watched few episodes and fucked again...

And yet again he was being distant after that.

This pattern repeated a few more times over the next two years BECAUSE I'M A MASOCHISTIC DUMB ASS THAT'S WHY.

Ofc it fucked with my brain, so much that I had anger issues at work lmao or I was randomly crying and I was super jealous of any girl he talked to etc. Basically it was crazy. But I didn't want to let go bc I had feelings for him but also I really thought we could do it, that we could be friends. We just needed to get rid of the benefits part. But every time he invited me I was so gone, it was stronger than me. And the best or worst part is that the sex wasn't even that great lmao but I craved the intimacy so much, the presence of another human being, the connection, sigh.

Anyway around July 2022 when I was on holiday in Poland I really had enough of his bullshit at that point and another guy from work has texted me and I decided to text him back and blah blah we went on a few dates and it was great and he was so good to me, we became a couple but I felt like i could not love him, like there was zero chemistry. I was actually so horrible to him, ghosting him bc of depression episodes and etc. He got angry, we broke up after a few months. Then i had a new crush lmfaooo (i'm going so fast through this now but maybe i'll make a separate posts about those guys as well someday).

Oh and also sometime between my ex and my new crush, P. (the bulgarian fwb guy) told me that he has a gf now and we would not meet up anymore and I was suprisingly fine with that and genuinely happy for him bc it was like we could be finally friends and that's all I truly wanted. And at that point i had this new crush and thought i'm fully over him. And we haven't had sex for around a year so my brain was fine and our relations were better than ever. It's like we were meant to be just friends.

But anyway this crush turned out to be a fail as well bc of course lmao. We're now hitting the recent months in this story btw.

And now that I'm no longer having any crushes I've grown attached to P. again (actually i never stopped probably). And like two weeks ago or something like that he pissed me off and like really offended me bc he was having a hard shift but like that's no excuse and I wanted to cut him off bc I don't deserve this shit but then I realized that I had lost enough people this year (another story but nvm) and I forgave him and he's been nothing but super nice to me ever since and yeah I think we are truly in a good place right now and I want it to stay this way but the other day a friend of his has passed away (I posted about it yesterday i think) and like i want to comfort him but idk howww and I know I should probably just let him be and give him space but i'm hurting so much for him and that made me realize today that I probably still have romantic feelings for him deep down and yeah i'll probably never escape it lmao

But i'm just gonna keep those feelings to myself and continue to be his friend bc he really means a lot to me for some reason idk like i can literally ghost and cut off anyone else but not him... it's been 4 years. It's actually kinda scary how attached I am bc what if he just leaves work one day and i'll never see him again lol...

#okay this post is a mess and it's almkst 5am now lmao #nobody is going to read it but i had to let it all out #i didn’t even explain everything the way i wanted to #bc like he's not some fukboi he really is a good person #but then again he's also a bastard and i hate and love him #his gf is lucky to have him but also he needs to stop entertaining orher girls online brooo #okay ill shut up now #goodnight i guess? #personal #very personal lol

[teshaswriting]

February - 1st Week

🎬 It was definitely a great movie week! I watched He’s Just Not That Into You (2009), Julie & Julia (2009), and Midnight in Paris (2011). I also binge watching a Korean drama (probably my first k-drama in two years) called Crash Course in Romance (it’s fun, check them out while it’s on Netflix). 

📚 I started reading a classic english literature, Great Expectations by Charles Dickens (SOOOO EXCITED TO FINISH THIS BOOK AAAAA). Yes, I was obviously influenced by one of the movies I watched earlier (lol, I actually wanted to get Hemingway’s ones but they’re only available on online stores so... I got this one instead).

The rest of the week was... okay. I got another task before my departure from the company and thankfully it’s completed before Friday ended and I finished off the week with decluttering stuffs in my room! I LOVEEEE how my books, skincare and makeup are more coordinated now.

OH I also created a special gift for my sister (she’s turning 22!) on Carrd platform and I was glad she liked it, hihi (I stayed up all night making it, totally forgot her birthday lol). 

💊MY STRESS RASHES came out again (crying). I thought staying up late might be one of the triggers.

Self review:

Health ⭐⭐ (at least I exercise once a week haha. I had badminton with my brother, walked and ran around the neighborhood as well) Spirituality ⭐⭐ (I was an imam for the entire week’s Fajr prayer) Creativity ⭐⭐⭐ (I figured out how to make my oversized jeans look cute!) Productivity ⭐⭐⭐ (pretty great, but nothing really special) Self-love ⭐(it’s coming again...... yeah, wondering if I need to call my therapist soon)

#weekly journal #february 2023

[angelnicknelson]

Kit Connor and Joe Locke talk about Heartstopper with Philip and Holly on This Morning [28.04.22] [transcribed]

<3

⚠️ this is spoiler-free ⚠️

<3

Holly: This time last week our next guests were busy studying for their A Levels, but now they are global stars with legions of fans.

Phil: Joe Locke and Kit Connor are starring together in the new Netflix series Heartstopper, and there's an amazing cast that backs them up as well. It's been praised for it's uplifting message and LGBTQ+ love story.

Holly: Well, not only that, but it has become one of the few television series to be awarded a 100% fresh rating on review site Rotten Tomatoes. I don't think even Friends managed that. So, that's how incredible it is. Joe and Kit will be telling us more, but first let's take a look at Heartstopper.

****

Holly: Aw, Joe and Kit join us now. I feel like I should say... hi.

Holly, Philip, Kit, Joe: Hi.

Holly: Um, I watched it last night. It's brilliant, Phil watched it. Congratulations. I- I just don't know how you begin to process the success of this series, because like we said, a week ago it wasn't even on Netflix. In the space of a week, globally, it's just gone massive.

Joe: Yeah.

Kit: It's insane, to be honest. 'Cause it always kind of felt like our little show. You know, when we were making it, it didn't feel like this big, big thing that everyone was gonna see. So it's insane that within a week we've already sort of—

Joe: Yeah, I feel like when the first reviews came out, I was like, 'oh, I forgot it was actually gonna get reviewed', 'cause it was like our thing that we made and in Slough last year and was not really a thing, but now it's- yeah, it's crazy.

Holly: It's a big thing.

Phil: We talked about those reviews. Rotten Tomatoes 100%, uh, certified fresh, and metacritic, universal acclaim, was- was their review.

Joe: Yeah.

Phil: This is absolutely massive and the juxtaposition as Holly said is bizarre because we've put you on early today in the show, because we probably would normally have saved you 'til much, much later. You know, sort of, headline act type of thing. However, we've put you on early because you've got to go and study for your a-levels. So, life does continue, come July, you are free. Um, what about acting experience and getting the role, because we know, as far as you're concerned, Kit, I mean you have been in Rocketman and you've done other stuff. Um, but for [Joe], this was a real leap in the dark.

Joe: This, yeah, I'd not done any professional acting before. So they did an open casting course, so I think ten thousand people auditioned, and you didn't need an agent, you just sent in a self tape. And then, I got a recall, and I was like, oh, maybe- this is- this is quite cool, even if I don't get it, it's quite cool. And then I got another recall, and I was like, oh, this is what if this—

Joe & Holly: ...actually happens.

Joe: And then I ended up getting the part and it was just, like, my- just all my dreams came true.

Phil: How loud was the yell?

Joe: It was quite loud. I was on my own in my house, though, because I'm from the Isle of Man, and it was during Co**d last year, so I had to fly to London for an audition and then fly home and isolate on my own for two weeks in my house.

Holly: Oh my gosh.

Joe: So I was just on my own and my agent phoned me and was like, you got the job, and, yeah, it was just me and my dog in the house, so I screamed very loudly.

Holly: Thank God that was worth it then, wasn't it? So, um, for anybody that hasn't seen it, just explain a little bit about who you play and a bit of the storyline. Don't give too much away, though.

Joe [To Kit]: *nod* You. (I think)

Kit: I mean, it's basically a story, it's a, like a, a queer teen love story. Essentially about two boys, uh, one who's openly gay, and then one who's, sort of, seemingly straight - the sort of, stereotypical rugby, popular boy. And then, they become friends, and then it sort of slowly progresses and, and then they- sort of, what happens next—

(they talk over each other a lot here, I got annoyed, sorry)

Phil: The, um, the brilliance of it is - because it comes from, um, the uh, Alice Oseman graphic novel, and so it's really clever because those subtle moments in any, very, very early relationship are coloured here with very clever- there's- your fingers just touch and there's a little bit of lightning—

Holly: Sparks.

Phil: ...drawn in, and then there's the butterflies, that actually sometimes follow someone out of a room. And that's really clever.

Joe: Yeah, I think it's so great that we've been able to maintain the source material, and that Alice was so involved during the making and it was completely her project. It's her story, and so I think the animation was a key part from the start of the making of the series, and I think it just, it adds that level of just, you can see what the characters are feeling by just- yeah, I think- I love the animations and they're one of my favourite parts.

Holly: And one of the reasons why it's been so praised, particularly by the LGBTQ+ community, is because it reflects the community in such a positive way, through such a positive lens, which isn't done enough.

Joe: Yeah.

Kit: Yeah. Well, so much queer representation that we have in the media at the moment, is like... it's very, sort of... dark and gritty, and- and, at times very negative. And I think that it's extremely important to just show queer people being happy. And for the world to see that.

Holly: Yeah.

Phil: Well, I mean, there are so *stutters* you watch it, and there are so many points that are essential points, which are made. Um, they're a very... lucky, new relationship because there are incredible friends. There are - oh, I've gotta be (I think) so careful - there are, there are, understanding families, which are essential. Vital.

Kit: Sure.

Joe: Definitely.

Phil: Um, and an understanding teacher, and yes, there are those issues which you would expect to crop up: the bullying, the acceptance. But what it is, is enormously positive.

Joe: Yeah. I think that's one of the most important parts of it, 'cause we have shows that are showing the more gritty parts of the history of, um, queer representation, which is incredibly important. But it's equally as important to teach, especially like, younger LGBT children and teenagers who are growing up and figuring themselves out, that they deserve this love and happiness, and the positive stories are just as important and just as great.

Phil: It's very much Charlie's character, you know, one stage they are saying I don't deserved to be loved, here. (Not sure if this is fully correct)

Phil: Um, the other thing I think to point out, is that, you know, you're playing, sort of, fifteen/sixteen year old's – this is very family friendly. And—

Holly: I watched it with the kids last night and they absolutely loved it, so, really, really enjoyed it. They were trying to make me put the next episode on, I was like, 'no, got to bed'. Um—

Phil: Um, what's essential, when you watch it and think, this is a great conduit to have that conversation at home. It should be played in all schools. Um, but, it's- it's been used by some fans, to help them come out to their parents, hasn't it.

Kit: Yeah, I mean, there was a beautiful tweet that came out, that um, from a Heartstopper fan days after the show came out. And it was basically talking about, after showing their parents a scene, like quite an important scene in the show, nearer the end of the show, with my character. It- they essentially used that to come out to their parents. Which I think is like, one of the most- I mean, uh, for me, that's the most gratifying moment in my career, ever.

Holly: Yeah.

Kit: Um, and for an eighteen year old, to be able to have that kind of effect on anyone's life, is like, unbelievable.

Holly: So special. But not only that, sort of older fans, saying that they wish that there was programs like this on TV when they were younger.

Joe: I read a review that was talking about how it felt so joyous watching it, but also this sort of, sense of melancholy, because they didn't have this show when they were younger, they didn't have such a positive representation of them, when they were younger. Which I think is just, sort of, heartbreaking and heart-making at the same time.

Phil: Well, it's also a world- it's the world that you want it to be. You want every reaction, and yes there are bullying issues that are tackled in this, but you, you sort of want that friendship group, you want that acceptance, um, in every school, in every life. And there's- there's no question that this is- this is the perfect view, that not everybody who has these internal issues, um, is going to get such a positive reaction.

Kit: Mm.

Joe: Yeah. Yeah. I think it's so wonderful that we've been able to create this story, because... there isn't anything like it. It's so unique, and it's so... beautiful. Which I think is great. And also, it may be aimed at a younger audience, but that doesn't mean that it not universally watchable. It's definitely not a children's show, I think is one thing we wanted to make sure when we were making it. It may be aimed at a younger audience, but it's—

Holly: It's a 12, isn't it? So—

Joe: Yeah, it's a 12.

Phil: And Kit, did you make Olivia Colman cry?

Kit: Well, there's- there's this scene where-where, we're sort of, talking about my experiences in the show and things like that, and um, we normally, sort of- before every scene we, sort of read it through about 50%. You know, you don't go 100% all the way. And, um... yeah, we were just reading it through and then suddenly... uh, Olivia just sort of started crying. And I was, at first I was thinking, God, like, you know, she's just really good, like I need to step up my game massively here.

*Phil, Holly & Joe laugh*

Kit: Like, no, I was really, like, worried at that point, so then, um, I think other people sort of then told me afterwards, it was just because, the sort of scene is so- it's such a beautifully written scene, and like, such a- a crucial part in so many people's lives. And I think it, sort of really touched her. But, yeah, I was just scared, to be honest. I was, really—

Phil: She's lovely, though.

Kit: Oh, she's absolutely, just the most lovely person in the world, yeah.

Holly: Um, I'm so excited for both of you, and the kind of career you've both got in front of you, and all of this- thank you—

Joe: Thank you.

Kit: Thank you so much.

Holly: ... for what was a brilliant series. Good luck with your exams.

Joe: Thank you.

Kit: Yeah, we'll need it.

Joe: We're gonna need it, yeah.

Phil: I mean, it's mad, actually. You are sitting on the edge of this whole thing exploding. You haven't got any other interviews today, because you've got your exams coming up and you're studying. Um, it launched on Friday, and it's massive. I mean, it's like one of those moments, and we love having those moments- so people sit on the sofa here, and you think, it's never gonna be the same for them. I mean, this is a big, big moment. Enjoy it.

Joe: Yeah. Thank you so much.

Kit: Thank you so much.

Phil: Well done. Well done.

Holly: Thank you.

Phil: Heartstopper is on Netflix now. Absolutely watch it.

<3

#here ya go for those who don't wanna watch or can't <3 #sorry if there's typos. also didn't include everyyyyyy yeah um and stutter #transcribed #mine #this morning #heartstopper interview #heartstopper #joe locke #kit connor #philip schofield #holly willoughby #my hands acheeee after this. i wrote it up twice bc the first time tumblr app crashing omfg kkszjzkkszjzjdkkszjzkkszjzjd #let's discuss how much phil loves it plsssss 🥲💙

[missjoolee]

I love the Way you Make it Sound

It was 2 am when the phone rang out, guitar riffs rousing Julie from sleep. For a moment she is confused, not recognizing her surroundings, but as the seconds pass, she remembers settling in to sleep at this hotel in NYC. Her confusion morphs as she registers the ringtone. Why would Luke be calling her so late? They had spoken shortly before she went to sleep, and he was out with the guys. Picking up her phone she realizes it's a video call. So she sits up and flips on the lamp next to her bed as she swipes to answer. The call connects, and in the seconds before the video engages, she asks

"Luke, is everything alright?"

She wipes sleep from her eyes and catches a glimpse of the top of Luke's head as the camera begins bouncing around and then she sees Reggie, his cheeks rosy pink, looking away at something.

"Reggie, what is going on?" 

He doesn't react to her, but does begin to whoop at something off camera. Did they somehow butt dial her?

"REGGIE!" 

That gets his attention. His smile drops for a second.

"Oh no. Heeeeeeeey Julie!" He picks the phone up to properly look at it. At her. "Crap, you were definitely sleeping. I'm so sorry! We've been trying to keep him from calling you for the last half hour and now that he's up, I was hoping... Actually, I'm not surprised he called you for this."

"Reggie," an edge slips into her tone. "Is everything... Is <em>he</em> okay?"

A voice starts speaking over the sound system where the guys are at and she thinks she hears Luke's name.

"Yeah. Alex and I just forgot that drunk karaoke Luke is also a needy sap. Which, with you gone right now... He's very clingy." He winces, before sighing, "Well, since you are awake, might as well just let you watch."

And with that, the camera flips away, now showing a stage with several tables surrounding it. And right in the middle of the spotlight is Luke. She can hear the strum of a guitar before Luke begins singing. And Julie can tell from the tight quality of his voice, he's probably been crying somewhat recently.

There's something that I can't quite explain I'm so in love with you  (I love you, Julie) You'll never take that away And if I've said it a hundred times before Expect a thousand more You'll never take that away

(I miss yooou *sniffles*) 

Well expect me to be Calling you to see If you're OK when I'm not around Asking "if you love me"  (Here, Julie can see a giant smile overtake his face. Which makes a goofy grin break out on hers.) I love the way you make it sound Calling you to see Do I try too hard to make you smile? To make us smile 

I will keep calling you to see If you're sleeping, are you dreaming If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me I can't believe you actually picked me

(Julie, I love you so much) I thought that the world had lost it's sway It's so hard sometimes Then I fell in love with you Then came you And you took that away It's not so difficult The world is not so difficult 

You take away the old Show me the new And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you So while I'm on this phone A hundred miles from home I'll take the words you gave me and send them back to you

I only want to see If you're OK when I'm not around Asking "if you love me" I love the way you make it sound Calling you to see Do I try too hard to make you smile? To make us smile (Jules, I love you!)

As he goes back into the chorus, the camera flips back to Reggie. A smirk sitting comfortably on his face.

"Jules, I don't know if you missed it," his voice is raised to be heard over the music and the crowd around him, "but I think Luke might love you."

Julie joins him in giggling about all of Luke's interjections. Alex's head pokes into the frame. He waves at her but he has a drink in his hand so it's a gentle movement so he doesn't spill. 

"Hey, Julie," he manages right before the crowd around them burst into applause as the last notes of the song play out. 

One final "I love you, Julie!" rings out through the mic and laughter can be heard now that the back track is no longer competing to be heard. A moment later, Luke is bouncing up to the table and the camera waves all over the place before settling onto his bright smile. which only gets brighter once his gaze settles on her.

"JULIE!"

Julie can't help giggling again at the enthusiasm he laces into her name, "Hey, Luke. You killed it," she says fondly. 

"Anything for you, Jules." His eyes rove around the screen, like he's memorizing her face for the umpteenth time. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, babe." She covers her mouth as a yawn hits her suddenly. "But I need to go back to sleep. I'll call you when we are done with the shoot tomorrow, okay?"

His grumpy face fast replaces the smile at that. Looking all the more ridiculous in his inebriated state. "You promise?"

"I promise. I love you, Luke."

The bright smile is back in place. "And I love you."

With that, Julie hangs up and turns off the lamp. She snuggles into her pillows, her smile refusing to leave in spite of the ache from being separated, drifting back to sleep.

---------------

The next day a video of Luke's karaoke performance goes viral after a twitter user posts it with the caption “damn. find you a man that loves you this much. how do i become julie?” and then the band gets tagged in a retweet. 

When the media outlets took over the coverage and asked for a statement, the guitarist responded with, "I think I was pretty clear in the video. I love Julie Molina. Nothing more to it."

Alex and Reggie rolled their eyes at that. Julie smiled. They all know that, given the chance, Luke would go more into it. Just not to TMZ.

#joolee attempts writing #look idk #i love this song #and i got to see blue october last year #and the lead singer was just like that #apparently i live in the first city to play their music on the radio so he loves us #and every song he told us that at least once #most of the time twice #and it made me think of luke #i think i planned to have luke crying more #there were possible plans of reggie and alex buying him a life size stuffed bear to snuggle when julie is away #but it just didn't make it because i'm lazy and wanted this to stay short #for once #Juke #jukebox #julie x luke #palina #julie molina x luke patterson #jatp #julie and the phantoms

[ravenadottir]

@the-bisexual-mermaid asked:

"Since fusebox is apparently gone to shit but we are super attached to litg and its characters, we should make up our own season 4! Why don’t you make up the original 5 boys and 5 girls? What kind of people would you want to see in your season 4? What sort of juicy drama would go down between these characters?"

this ask came in july, last year but it was gone from my drafts/inbox, along with so many others. at some point i thought it was a fever dream but now they'res back!

now, about the actual ask, i've assembled not only the original people but a whole concept of what i wanted, including islanders, challenges, relationships, love tropes, who would leave or stay and why. needless to say i got carried away.

so i'm splitting this answer in a few parts, just because i want you to see all the islanders i came up with (34).

but let's start with day 1.

🍦 day 1 - ten islanders

mc won't be part of this batch. i still think it would be brilliant to have her as a bombshell, just not how fusebox made her on season 4 (from what i heard she comes in during the dancing challenge and that's so jarring but pop off i guess).

right off the bat we have first impressions on the new islanders and later on the discovery of their routes. each of them would be fitted into a love trope, but not all of them would be li's, at least not initially.

instead of the phrase they have in their profile info, i would make them describe themselves with three words, which would give us more of a scope to understand what type of personalities we would be dealing with.

for the first couple of days i would only make two episodes since mc is not here. so without further ado, here's my first two days.

🍦 boys:

damian. intelligent, patient, shy. he/him, bisexual.

luke. beautiful, vain, charming. he/him, straight.

ben. fun, tired, ready to go. he/him, bisexual.

tweet. fun, compassionate, daring. he/him, straight.

gustav. creative, fun, persistent. he/him, straight.

🍦 girls:

fingers. intelligent, hard working, ready. she/her, straight.

emily. funny, reliable, sweet. she/her, straight.

diya. kind, smart, adventurous. she/her, bisexual.

kendal. creative, colorful, soft. she/her, bisexual.

liv. good, fierce, done. she/her, bisexual.

🍦 recoupling

girls’ choice, as they come out of the bedroom, just like in litg. these are the couples formed:

fingers + damian

liv + ben

kendal + tweet

diya + luke

emily + gustav

🍦 challenge

never have i ever. a good chance to get some of the tea on the islanders and their past experiences. oh, i forgot to tell you, mc is watching everything happening in real time. the villa life starts on day 1 and you have access to all that is happening.

the suggestions are all written down in cards and they pick them up at random and use little pickets with a “i have” or “i have never” written on it.

first up. “never have i ever slept with someone without knowing their name.” ben, liv and tweet raise the green sign while the others stare in horror.

“how do you shag someone you don’t know the name…?” kendal asks.

“well, i could show you but i already know yours.” liv responds, leaving kendal giggling.

“never have i ever got drunk and texted an ex.”

liv, ben, kendal, tweet and fingers raise the green.“

"fingers! kendal!” ben smiles.

“it happens… you did!” fingers say, timidly.

“yeah, but i’m me… you’re… well, you!”

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

“it’s a compliment, it means you’re better than him.” emily says with a chuckle.

“i’m not…! i’m…” she gets uncomfortable and damian grabs a card to avoid the tension.

“never have i ever betrayed a friend.”

general ‘oohs" and 'oop’ are loud as ben, tweet, emily and gustav raise their greens.

“i mean, ben i get, he’s him, but gustav?!” fingers is shocked.

“he was… not a good person. i ended up telling everyone what he did, so i guess that’s technically a betrayal.”

“what did he do?”

“suffice to say he got his punishment.” he crosses his arms and stops talking. the game goes on but in a faster pace until the last one.

“never have i ever cheated.”

luke and diya raise the green one. “alright then… good to know the ones to keep an eye on.” damian said.

“well, it’s not that simple.” luke says.

“i answered ’no’ because i haven’t, you said ’yes’ because you did.” ben winks. “sounds pretty simple to me.”

“whatever mate.” luke stands up and stretches, trying to look unbothered. “i’m gonna take a dip. see you all later.”

🍦 after the challenge

everyone scatters all around but the girls stay back to discuss the game. “so… luke huh… and you two…?”

“oh come on,” diya responds, “it was… a really bad relationship, the type you can’t avoid or break up, even when you have to. it reminded me so much of what lucas koh said on season 2 you know? the relationship was really bad but none of us was brave enough to end things.”

“right… what happened?”

“well, she was being possessive, always trying to control my every move, calling all the time, and if i didn’t pick up she would go feral. one night i went to meet a friend and, well, things happened. i didn’t plan on it, but i didn’t stop it either. eventually we broke up, and i stayed single for a really long time. i had to.”

“yeah, it’s tough. sometimes you know someone is just not good for you but you’re trying anyways.” kendal says.

“well, i guess that’s rooted in pride. no one wants to admit defeat.” fingers grabs her water bottle.

“yeah, but i don’t like looking at relationships like that. it’s not about winning or losing. it’s about working or not.” liv stretches. “and we all have a bad relationship to talk about.”

“that’s the one thing we all have in common i think.” emily says.

“that’s sad.” kendal completes. “but i’m glad to bond over something. i feel like being in here can be intense at times so i’m happy we’ll have friends to rely on.”

🍦 nighttime

the night falls and they receive a cryptic text:

islanders, grab on to your tanning lotions for dear life, change is about to hit the villa. #coupleuporbreakup #couplesnottrios

the first night in the villa is already heated with the possibility of changes happening so soon. couples are going to bed and it becomes clear which ones are getting along and which ones were each other’s last option.

🍦 day 2 - conversations

after the first night they have a chance to talk and spend some time together, to get to know each other. couple by couple have a conversation about their likes and dislikes, one past experience and who they’re looking for, type wise.

damian and fingers are getting along, liv and ben as well (too well if you catch my drift), kendal and tweet are vibing and happy to spend time together, emily and gustav don’t connect at all and it’s awkward to share a bed, so much gustav offers to put a pillow between them. diya and luke don’t see eye to eye romantically but they’re happy to stay friends until other people come in.

“why did you choose me and not gustav, though?” luke asks diya.

“i feel like i would be too harsh because he gives me the vibe of someone that takes things like… too seriously.”

“he does actually.” they share a laugh. “well, i’m glad to have a friend in my couple. we can stay together until we find someone we like.”

“agreed.”

🍦 in the afternoon

they are spoiled with brunch on the lawn, but there’s a catch, they’re not having the meal with their couples, but with different people.

the boys get to choose who they want to sit with and gustav has first choice: kendal. “she’s so tender and sweet, i feel like we would get along really well.”

ben shouts “so you think you’re sweet, huh? i like sweet guys.”

“dream on, ben.” gustav responds.

damian chooses liv and fingers get pissed but doesn’t say anything about it. ben likes emily’s vibe so he picks her, tweet invites diya to his table, leaving luke to eat with fingers. he turns to diya to say “i wanted to avoid that, mate… she looks like she’s going to eat me alive, and not in a good way.”

diya chuckles and shakes her head before sitting with tweet. at the table some of them are comfortable but others are just feeling the awkwardness. fingers and luke start talking and realize they have more in common than they thought.

“you’re a model, right?” she says.

“yeah, i supposed you don’t think much of it since you’re literally a doctor.”

“well, i wasn’t rich, my family didn’t have money to get me into a good school, so i modeled throughout my entire school life. now that i have a job in a hospital i can actually pay the bills and all, but it was really between my family’s savings and whatever i could scrape from my modeling gigs.”

luke is kinda surprised. “you know what, i can definitely see it, you’re really beautiful…” embarrassed he quickly changes the subject as he sips on his drink. “i thought you were gonna bite liv’s head off.”

“well, that might still happen, she’s… pretty cute.” she winks. “i was just mad about not having a first date with our actual couple, but that’s not her fault.”

“right… how are you feeling right now?”

“i’m surprised by how much we were able to talk even though not having anything in common, at least on a surface level.”

“i can get pretty deep.” he smirks.

“was that a sex joke?” she says seriously.

luke gasps and chokes on his mimosa, tripping on his words to make her know it wasn’t. “n-no! not at all, i was just…” he notices her smirk and is relieved. “alright, you got me… but i’ll get you back.”

in each episode i would like to flash out their personalities, and even their dynamics, because i believe we have a lot of space and time to make that happen if we avoid fluffly pieces that don’t say a lot.

right after focusing on luke and fingers, we would move on to liv and damian.

“how are you feeling in your couple, damian? are you getting along?”

“well, yeah, i like her. fingers can look really tough but she’s also really funny.”

“so you think if someone came in, your head wouldn’t turn?”

damian thinks hard. “i don’t know… right now i’m thinking this is great, all of us are getting to know each other and we have the opportunity of doing that with no interference. but if the perfect girl or guy walked in i would… i would probably recouple.”

“and what makes the perfect girl or guy?”

“it’s a balance… i feel like my life is pretty boring back home. i barely have places to go and people to see, and the idea of going out every week is jarring to me. i need someone that wants to relax with me on the weekdays and weekends.”

“what do you like doing then? on weekdays?”

“reading is a shout, watching some shows i enjoy, cooking together. like i said, everything back home is what people call boring, but i like it. i prefer the peaceful nights than the agitated ones. and classes run until 3, so sometimes i have very early days… i want someone that has the same desire of staying put and enjoying a book. when we travel i would like to be with them by ourselves.”

“not even a group trip?”

“well, sure, but i would be cooking a meal for them at least once, and i would want to enjoy the place with them as well…” he sips. “i’m sorry, i’m going on and on about myself. tell me about your type.”

liv’s eyes go wide. “i’m… in between types… i feel like it restricts my options so much and like, i don’t wanna miss out on something great because i stayed true to one format.”

“that’s fair.”

“with that being said, like you mentioned, i want someone that keeps up with my routine. i work at night, almost every night of the week, so i sleep from 4 to 11, it can get pretty crazy.”

“oof, that sounds exhausting.”

“it is, but i can’t see myself doing anything else. but it’s also the kind of life i wouldn’t trade. i love singing, i love the crowd, the drinks aren’t half bad either.”

“so it’s really fun!”

“yeah… but have you ever seen soul, the movie? that moment that the main character enters a zone they can see from the other realm? i know it sounds dumb but… that’s how it feels…”

“no, i completely agree!! whenever i’m explaining something really hard and my students can give me examples of it, in practical terms, i feel like my job is done, and i enter that zone of…”

“satisfaction.”

“yes! it’s good to do the work, but it’s even better to see the good results. for every F i grade there’s hope that person can achieve an A, you know?”

“yeah… i would know, i was an F student.” she laughs.

after that just a chit chat amongst the islanders, general reactions to things the others are saying, in general, and them getting to rest after the meal. the night would fall quickly and we would see the couples talking and having a drink after dinner, nothing too out there.

liv comes to join fingers and kendal, who are having a cocktail by the pool. “so, how was the date with my partner?”

“umm… it was interesting…” she takes a sip for every pause. “we got to talk about life back home… the work we do… our types…”

“whoa, whoa… slow your row, red!” fingers adjusts herself on the seat, pulling the cushions closer. “spill it!”

“listen, damian is a very quiet guy… i reckon he likes peace and quiet.”

“i can be quiet.”

“the point is not if you can be, it’s if you are.” liv watches her reaction while taking a sip.

“so, what? you think his head might turn?”

“well, i asked him that…”

“and…?!”

“and… i think you two should talk.”

fingers stare at the roof terrace where a couple of the boys are having a heated discussion to what it sounds like the best place to have a vacation, damian’s voice the only one not being heard despite his presence.

“yeah, i’ll talk to him.”

“so… what about you kendal? how was the date with gustav?”

kendal giggles lightly but confidently. “i think he might have a thing for me.”

“really?!” liv lights up.

“is that so hard to believe?” fingers says.

“no! i’m just excited because kendal here might have a thing for her couple… tweet…”

“he is really fun, and super cute… and so flirty all the time. i’m just…” kendal hesitates. “i don’t know if i would continue with him.”

“oop… hold on, let me get in position!” liv exclaims. “alright, spill!”

“it’s just, he’s really sweet, but it seems like we never have anything to talk about. yesterday it was fine, we were having a conversation about our hometowns and then, poof! nothing. the conversation died and never came to life again. this morning i was kind of relieved the brunch wasn’t with him.”

“oh… girl… do you think he feels the same?”

“i don’t know. he must, right? the vibe was dead so fast, and it’s a shame because… wow… he’s really cute. and a really good cuddler!”

“aham. so are you gonna tell him this?”

“i guess. just not right now! i’ll give it time to breathe, you know. maybe it will get better.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the end of day 2 is solely the chats they’ve been having after the brunch. but there’s more to come on day 3 and that’s a subject for a new post, so… bye!

#litg #love island the game #my season 4 #fanfic #queue

[adultswim2021]

Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law: “The Death of Harvey” | July 22, 2007 - 11:45PM | S04E07

Well, I’ve made my way through all of Harvey Birdman. At one time it seemed like essential viewing, even though I found it to be my least favorite of the OG Adult Swim line-up. I turned on it by the time season one ended, and watched most of the series for the first time through this blog. And I’m gonna level with you: I don’t even really wanna talk about this episode all that much. 

The final episode actually follows the events of the previous episode; Birdman has to try all of his cases again, so he does in a very short amount of time. It’s just an excuse to call back nearly every episode of the show’s run. This show was already lousy with callbacks, imagine an episode where that’s the main thing? Anyway, turns out one of the villains he tried before the series began has also been set free; he’s a big giant monster guy who begins destroying the city. Birdman must return to his superhero roots and fight him with brute force. 

Meanwhile, Phil is revealed to be alive, and is taking a speeding cross-country trip in a bus, driving it entirely in reverse. He refers to his own situation as “final episode stunt casting”. Phil’s story literally collides with Birdman’s when his bus finally shows up moments after Birdman's moment of triumph; striking Birdman and killing him in the process. There’s also a subplot about X the Eliminator or Exterminator (I don’t feel like looking it up) finally maybe getting Birdman’s crest. 

Look, were I a fan of the show, I could imagine this being really pleasing. It’s a fangasm of the highest order. The only way it could possibly be better is if all the characters on here were portrayed as funko pops. I can at least appreciate the animation, which I’ve lightly praised in the past. The show does look pretty good, and the comic action is executed well. But nothing in this made me laugh, really. The show mostly trades in unmotivated silliness and flighty characters behaving foolishly and characters talking at each other but not really having real conversations. It all feels so meaningless.

That said, I guess this one is one of the better episodes. This one has a funny Cheers reference at the end. I’d call this one above average I guess. Okay, that’ll do. I’m done thinking about this show! BYE BYE BIRDMAN BITCH

Oh, yeah, I forgot I sometimes like to present my top ten episodes of each show whenever it ends. This might be revised when I get to the special years from now. Oh yeah, there was a special. Anyway: This is my top ten, in chronomalogical order (not ranked): 

S01E02: Very Personal Injury

S01E04: Death By Chocolate

S01E06: The Dabba Don

S02E06: Back to the Present

S02E08: Peanut Puberty

S03E03: X Gets the Crest

S03E04: Bird Girl of Guantanamole

S03E11: Sebben and Sebben Employee Orientation

S03E12: Identity Theft

S04E07: The Death of Harvey

EPHEMERA CORNER:

Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law: Volume Three DVD (July 24, 2007)

Holy crow, now THAT’S turnaround time, baby! Season three of Harvey Birdman came out the following Tuesday. Imagine how thrilling it would have been to work at a video store and have your shipment from Ingram show up on Thursday. Why, you’d have access to the finale in stunningly crisp DVD quality an entire day before the show debuted on the Friday Night Fix, and three days before it’s television debut. Maybe there’s commentary! 

…There’s no commentary. Oh well. There are extras, though. One of the more memorable extras is a montage of various running jokes on the show, presented in chronological order. This show sure loved its running jokes. Somebody had to.

MAIL BAG

is it too late to make a better call saul joke about saul of the mole men? you know, better call saul? it's bob!! bob is saul!!

It is too late and I’m pissed off about it! Knock it off!

#adult swim #harvey birdman attorney at law #adultswim2021

[arminty7]

𝘚𝘸𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘞𝘪𝘯𝘦

Mermaid!Jungkook x Reader [Part 3]

Trapped in this life of expensive wine and judgemental eyes Y/N met an unusual lady who offered her a job at an aquarium a few towns away. Despite being hesitant and uncertain for the future she decided to take the offer as it was her only way out, not knowing that many dangers might come her way.

Jungkook swam his way through the small tunnel in wonder. He didn’t realise what he was ‘walking’ into as he took the entire night to explore a tunnel. He thought it might lead to you, how naive. It is only when he heard the piercing sound of drilling from the small tunnel entrance did he know what was happening, he was trapped. With that, his instincts took over.

Chapter: #3 Swimming in Wine

Words: 4843

Warnings: Mild Swearing // Fluff // Eventual Smut? Idk maybe depends // Jungkook obsessive // Evil Namjoon (im sorry guys) // It might be a little messed up.

AN - It's been a while. I know. 

© arminty7 2020 - All rights reserved.

This work shall not be copied, reproduced, translated and/or modified in any way without my permission. In a case where this might happen, legal action will be taken as it would be a criminal act under the law and breaching these terms. Upon reading my work you are acknowledging that this work is mine and that you know the consequences if this work is copied, reproduced, translated and/or modified in any way without my permission.

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It was early in the morning when the sun started to creep its way into the room. You were sitting on your bed and surprisingly enough, you were already awake. You never used to be such an early bird, but throughout these past few nights, you would wake up drenched in sweat. No matter how hard you tried you couldn't stop thinking about the incident on the cliff. Upon sleeping, you could almost feel the arms of the creature wrapped around you, like its haunting touch has placed a permanent mark on you. When thinking about it more deeply, it felt human to you. The arms of a human, but its touch too deeply pressed on your skin: the coldness you felt, reached down to your bones. It was like death was clinging onto you, with you as its life source.  

 "Hey Y/N? You up?" You heard a whisper and you saw Julie poking her head through the door as she opened it slightly. You look over at her with a relaxed expression and a soft smile.  

"Yeah, I'm already up. Did you want to go and get a coffee near the waterfront before dropping me off to work?" You stand up from your bed and start fixing the blankets and pillows. 

 "Yeah that sounds like a good idea, let me go get my bag and we can leave soon." She spoke as she left the room, closing the door but not all the way. 

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Looking out onto the ocean, it felt calm today. Although the tranquillity that you felt while looking out onto the shore exhibited a chaotic kind of peace. The calm before the storm. You could feel it, the anger of the waves crashing down and the freeing nature of the water wanting to come out. But it held restraint, it couldn't do anything even if it tried. Something was missing but you didn't know what. All you knew was that the feeling you had felt when looking out towards the ocean, changed somehow. The calm waters seemed too good to be true.

 You sat there at the coffee shop across from the beach near where you work. The smell of sea-salt and fish mixed with coffee seemed like a horrible combination, but the locals were used to it. You found comfort in the idea that you might get used to it too. The coffee that you held in your hands was hot against the cool air. You sipped your coffee while waiting for Julie to come back with her usual morning cravings of insatiable sweet pastries. 

 “So, tell me. Have you made any work friends? Any of them cute?” Julie sat down across from you, taking you away from your thoughts. You looked over at her and chuckled, rolling your eyes.

“I have made some friends, not many but hopefully that will change in time” You smiled slightly looking out at the ocean again, feeling yourself get distracted but not with anything in particular. "Well it’s your first day today so make sure to stay on your toes, but don't overwork yourself," Julie spoke while her mouth is full of sweet dough-like pastries, more focused on the icing coating the top of her lips, not realising that you have been spacing out this entire time. 

Thankfully you're good at multi-tasking and you chuckle at her comment, "It’s funny, people keep forgetting that I have worked at an aquarium before you know? It's not that much of a big deal." You sip your coffee but immediately placed it back down on the table, it was too sweet.

You look at your watch, realising its time to go. Plus, you would rather be at work than trying to have a normal conversation with her, you know she's trying but she's not your caretaker or mother, she doesn't need to try so hard.

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As you walk through the entrance of the Aquarium you could immediately feel the difference in atmosphere from the other day. The busy environment that you knew so well back home at the aquarium suddenly felt familiar. The buzzing sounds of life engulfed the reception as many families and residents were chatting away while waiting in line. Kids nagging at their parents and young couples looking at each other lovingly while waiting in line.  There were not many people though as it was early, and it wasn't officially open for another 30 minutes. 

You walked past them towards the reception and saw Seokjin who looked busy talking to the people in line. He glanced over at you and he made an expression as if he remembered something.

"Ah Y/N, Jimin told me to tell you to wait for him at the food court at the bar. You'll be working with him today. Taehyung is meant to be here, but he called in sick". You nodded, silently chuckling to yourself as Taehyung probably just called in sick because he was "too busy" or had some "emergency". While in reality, he's probably watching a new season of a drama he recently got addicted to. 

You head your way to the food court after you say goodbye to Seokjin. It seemed quiet in the food court but simultaneously busy as workers prepared for the day. You could see some workers running around in their little cafes or tourist shops as you walk towards the main bar. You could hear your heels hit the glassy floor, echoing as it bounced off the wall of the gigantic room. 

The bar had no one in it. You suppose it didn't open till later in the day. It was weird to you, you have never seen an Aquarium that had a bar before. Mind you, you never really travelled anywhere so you wouldn't know if it's a common thing to have at Aquariums. 

You sat on the stool, looking at the giant tank circling the entire food court, acting as a wall around the large room. You tried to look through it to see how far it went but all you could see was the light blue ocean that seemed almost endless. Some small school fish could also be seen swimming in the tank. It felt as though you were in the middle of the ocean. All alone. 

In contrast to the light blue colour that is seen throughout the rest of the room, the small tank that was built into the wall behind the bar looked darker and overgrown. It was a very small square tank that resembled a small window. You could barely see through it, a thick layer of algae covering the glass, it looked so dark in there. Maybe it was connected to another section of the aquarium, perhaps it even descended underground?

You shivered and looked around the food court, were you being watched? You could feel the sudden nervousness tingling throughout your body.

It was a weird feeling that came upon you, an icy cold feeling of loneliness like the air had suddenly shifted. The voices of the other workers in the food court were drifting away and you were slowly slipping away from reality. An alluring voice crept into your ear, singing an enchanting but hypnotising harmony. Somehow you could sense that it wasn't one of the workers for the voice sounded too angelic, too sweet to even be real. Your bones were chilled as you sensed the familiar feeling of cold strong arms enveloping around your waistline and chest as if you were reliving the moment by the cliff. You could physically feel it, its touch… his touch. Closing your eyes, you could feel the cold sharp wind from that moment above the water as it brushed against your cheeks. The creature’s hot breath giving you some type of warmth in the moment, yet it felt unknown to you. Mortality was clutching you in its hands, but you felt so safe. Like it was saving you despite drowning you at the same time. 

You shook your head, awaking from the trance that you were in. Glancing back over at the tank behind the bar and you saw a dark figure in the water. It stayed there looking through the algae ridden glass. You could only see a face, black and blue scales on its cheekbones and jaw. It looked human, but at the same time, you knew it wasn't. Its alluring golden eyes, shining in the water, staring into your own. Its eyes were soulless. 

By the time you blinked, it was gone.

You stood up, wanting to go closer to the small tank behind the bar. Making your way behind the bar, you were stopped by a strong hand pulling your shoulder back. "What are you doing here?" You turned to see a man who held your shoulder with a firm grip, his eyes staring straight into yours.

Oh, if looks could kill.

"I uhh.." Your mind went blank as you stepped back a bit, away from the man. He looked annoyed while you struggled to let the words out. By this time, you forgot what just happened moments ago.

"Answer my question" He spoke quietly but sternly, letting go of your shoulder but moving a step closer to make sure you can't run away. 

"I was waiting for-" 

"Yoongi-Hyung, what are you doing?? Leave the poor girl alone, you'll give her a heart attack" You sighed in relief as you saw Jimin walk up to the bar. 

'You know this girl?" He spoke in a serious tone, you remembered what Taehyung said earlier about the Bartender, I guess this is him.

Jimin nodded, leaning on the bar. "Her name is Y/N, she's the new recruit Hoseok was telling us about" Jimin looks over at you with a charming smile while you take the opportunity to escape the bar and onto Jimin's side. 

Yoongi looked at you and then back at Jimin, "well get outta here will you, the aquarium opens up soon”.  

You nodded and Jimin just smirks before looking over at you "Come on Y/N, we have a busy day ahead of us" He stands up, grabbing your hand, giving you his signature smile before leading you out of the food court and down the hall.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Third Person POV

"I can't believe we are opening up the aquarium a day after we caught it, what if it escapes?!" Hoseok looked down at the ground continuously tapping his foot on the ground as he leaned on the bookshelf in the office. Namjoon sat there in the chair in front of him. 

"Don't worry, it can't escape" Namjoon reassured him and then continued. 

"We have reason to believe it got stuck in an old tunnel filled with water that was built throughout the aquarium. We constructed the tunnel ages ago for the public and we were going to add glass windows to it, so you can look through the tunnel. However, the construction wasn't going as planned and we halted the idea." 

"So, it's just swimming in a small tunnel throughout the aquarium walls with no way out? Like a maze? In pitch-black darkness?" Hoseok widened his eyes, he never heard of such a thing. 

"You have nothing to worry about, the tunnel that he swam through to get in the aquarium was connected to the ocean, but we blocked it off as soon as we found out he swam in it. He's stuck in there." 

"Are you certain? Have you swum through the tunnel yourself? How do you know there's no other way he can reach the other aquariums for the public to see?" Hoseok said, his voice raised. He walked up to the front of the desk, his hands crossed, Namjoon could sense his doubt radiating off of him. 

"Before this place was opened to the public, I got some divers to check it out, it has no pockets or windows. It's pitch black down there" he tried to reassure Hoseok again. Namjoon looked up at Hoseok and he nodded, uncrossing his arms. 

"Let's hope he doesn't go too crazy down there, we'll have to get him out soon." He continued, "Oh, by the way, Jackson called. He said yes to the deal." Hoseok 

"Good. We will prepare the creature for transport soon".  

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It was a busy day. 

You sat off to the side as Jimin stood in his wetsuit on the platform of the dolphin's tank. He had a big smile stretched across his face as he instructed the dolphins while the crowd watched from the bleachers. With every flick of his hand, the dolphins would jump up in the air and the echoes of cheering would fill the small arena. You had a bucket of fish with you and you watched as each dolphin would come up to you after doing a trick. You sat on the side of the tank, you were visible to the public eye, but they weren't paying attention to you. It was sad really, you knew what went on in aquariums. How ironic that you want to be free yourself when working at an establishment that rejects freedom. You looked at the next dolphin that swam your way, it seemed weaker than the others. You went closer to the tank and sat on the edge. It slowly swam up to you, it was at that very moment that you saw a gash stretched out on its back. It wasn't bleeding, and you could easily see that it’s been there for a while.

You looked up at Jimin in worry although he didn't take notice. He held the microphone as he catered to the audience. You looked back at the dolphin and reached a fish from the bucket. Perhaps it was self-inflicted somehow. You heard that stuff can happen in aquariums. You watched the dolphin gently swim away, back down into the water, following the strict routine that was given to them before the show. 

After the show ended, you still couldn't get that dolphin out of your head. Its empty expression in its eyes is still burned in your mind. All the hope and optimism you once associated with dolphins was now gone. 

You stood there in the tiny tin room out the back of the aquarium near the dolphin tank, cleaning buckets of fish that were now empty. Jimin left you and went to go help another co-worker and gave you the task of cleaning out buckets that radiated the smell of decaying fish. You remember the innocent smile he gave you when he asked you for this little favour. It was your job, you couldn't say no - and he knew that. 

"Thanks, Y/N! I owe you" Jimin yelled out, waving his hand as he ran off. 

It was around 4 pm when you finished cleaning. Your body felt tired from the long day and you and Jimin were headed to the bar.

As you stepped into the food court the feeling you had before suddenly crept through your body. You shivered, and a sudden feeling of dread came upon you. It was weird, you didn't even think about the incident after it happened. Like you suddenly forgot about it. But now, as you slowly walk up towards the bar, you felt a chill encompassed around your bones. 

Jimin sat down on the stool on the bar and placed a hand under his chin. He looked up at Yoongi with a smirk, "So, how's business?". Yoongi took a glance up at the both of you and looked back down again, wiping the bar down. 

"It was pretty slow today. It was weird, I expected more people to come" Yoongi said quietly. You sat down next to Jimin and crossed your arms over the bar, letting your head rest gently on your arms. 

"Hey, I just cleaned that" Yoongi looked over at you but after the day you had, you couldn't care less. You replied with a monotone "sorry" but stayed in your current position. He could tell that you were tired and surprisingly enough, he didn't push it. 

"So, you remember that key I gave to you right? The one I found?" Jimin straightened up at Yoongi's words and looked over at you for a split second. 

"Yeah I remember, what about it?" Yoongi sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well I need it back" Jimin looked confused, "but I thought you found it, that it had no meaning to you. That's why you gave it to me in the first place"

Yoongi sighed, "To be honest it was actually Hoseok's. I was curious to know what it's for, so I gave it to you. I didn't realise you wouldn't tell me after you found out. Still, after all these years, you haven't told me! To think, I was the one who gave you the key in the first place". Yoongi grabbed a glass from under the bar and shoved some ice in it before filling it up with apple juice. He passed it to you as if to tell you that he still remembers that you're here.

Jimin rolled his eyes, "Yeah, you gave me the key because you were too lazy to figure it out on your own". 

"The point is, I need it. Where is it?" Yoongi looked somewhat anxious as he wiped down the bar for the third time. 

Jimin shrugs, reaching his arm over to take your drink from the table that you haven't touched.

It’s too sweet. He sipped it casually and looked over at you before landing his eyes towards Yoongi again. "I don't know, I threw it away, I found no use for it". 

Yoongi crossed his arms frowned, "that's bullshit, you are lying, and you know it, you've always been a bad liar". Yoongi then looks at you, your arms still crossed as you lay your head there, if they didn't know any better, they would have assumed you were asleep. Except you laid there, silently listening. 

Jimin then also frowns, "look I don't know what to tell you, it's been years since you gave me that thing. The truth is, I lost it." Jimin looks up at Yoongi but Yoongi scoffs. 

"So, you threw it away or lost it? Come on Jimin, just give it to me, I know you have it". Yoongi looked right through Jimin's eyes, you looked over at both of them, you could tell there was tension in the air. 

Jimin was silent and Yoongi sighed grabbing the drink that you obviously weren’t going to finish and pouring it into the sink before placing the glass in the dishwasher under the bar. 

Yoongi spoke quietly but you could tell that his words held a lot of weight, "Promise me". 

Jimin looked up, "I don't get why you are so obsessed with this key, I don't even have it!" 

"Promise me that you don't have it" Yoongi looked at him, his facial expression was the look of hurt more than anything. You could tell that there was more to this than what Yoongi was letting on. You sat there next to them, waiting for Jimin to spill the beans about giving the key to you.

Jimin was hesitant for a second before strongly responding, "I promise I don't have it." Yoongi stood there silent before nodding, mumbling a soft "sorry" under his lips before going back to cleaning the bar, even though he already finished. 

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"I can't believe you lied for me," You spoke as you walked around the dolphin tank outside, Jimin walking beside you.

"I didn't lie. I don't have it. You do." Jimin smiled at you brightly, although you could tell that something was bothering him. You both kept walking before Jimin looked at his watch, "I'm sorry I got to go, feel free to stay here as long as you want, Namjoon doesn't mind us staying after hours. Although you do realise our shift ended an hour ago, right?" Jimin smiled brightly as he looked down at you, his eyes shining in the moonlight. 

You chuckled, "Yes I knew, I just like your company. Thanks for being there for me. I haven't known you long, but you made me feel comfortable on my first day" You smiled, it seemed like you and Jimin were going to become really good friends. 

"I'll always be here Y/N... Anyways I'll see you at work tomorrow yeah? Have a nice night" Jimin waved goodbye and walked away. 

You sighed, reaching for the key from your pocket. 

"Might as well check it out while I still can?" You thought. 

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It was late, really late and you found yourself questioning Jimin's earlier statement about being allowed here after hours. You wandered through the halls of the aquarium, following the directions Jimin and Taehyung showed you last time, careful not to make any loud noises to gain any attention. 

The halls were cold, and you could hear were the sounds of your heels tapping against the hard floor. While walking, you felt your chest become heavy, looking around you started to hear weird sounds coming from the walls. You shrugged it off however, you've been in aquariums long enough to know that it could be anything and that it's never completely quiet. 

Finally reaching your destination you head down the metal steps. You've never been to this part of the building apart from when Jimin and Taehyung took you, you suppose it's for private personnel only. Continuing down the steps you reach the door to the moonpool, the sounds of water can be heard dripping and sloshing from behind. Inserting the keys and turning the metal handle you slowly walked inside. It was darker than the last time you saw it. What was surprising was the glow worms on the roof of the moonpool illuminating the moonpool and stone walls that surrounded it. You didn't see them during the day. They were beautiful.

Walking along the gravel towards the moonpool, you took off shoes your socks and placed your backpack next to the moonpool. You sat on the edge, dipping your legs in as you rolled up your pants, so they don't get wet. You closed your eyes, feeling the water reach up to your kneecaps. The water was lukewarm, and the smell of sea salt radiating off of it. 

What a long day. 

If you were being honest, all of this was too much for you. You never thought you would say this, but you miss home. You miss Marina's cooking and weirdly enough, you miss your mother. She hasn't called, even texted since you left. You felt like you thought this would be different, the people here are nice but every so often you get reminded about the flaws of this world, the treatment of animals, – the dolphin – the uneasiness you felt about Julie and her intentions. Even Jimin and Yoongi, you didn’t want to cause a fight between them because of some stupid key.

The water had suddenly started to turn cold, starting from your feet you feel a rush of icy water spread to your knees, eliminating any prior warmth you felt. The dripping stopped, the sloshing of the water halted. You opened your eyes curiously to see a figure from the other side of the moonpool staring right at you. You looked right in its eyes. Time stopped, and you could barely see anything else but the wide golden piercing gaze of the creature. You sat there frozen in place. You don't know how long you stayed like this for, but it took a while to realise what was happening. It didn't say a word, but you could tell by its knowing facial expression that it somehow knows who you are. Looking down in the now murky water you could see an outline of a human’s body, his muscles and broad shoulders prominent underneath the dark blue scales that stretched over its torso. You continued to examine the long outline of a tale - a big tale at that - with the front looking slimy however you could guess that the back of the tale was sharp enough to cut through any piece of flesh that it would encounter. One aspect of the creature that seemed almost beautiful were some parts of his scales that were brighter than others, acting as a highlighter around his cheekbones and arms. 

You didn't want to make any sudden movements, frightened that the creature would drag you under. Eat you. Kill you. You decided that it was now or never and spoke quietly under your breath, looking back up at its eyes that never left yours. "Hi, my name is Y/N". Your breath was shaky, and your lips were dry. 

"It probably can't even understand you," You thought to yourself. 

The creature stopped staring into your eyes and lowered its focus to your legs that were swaying in the water. You shivered, the cold air getting to you. Goosebumps appeared on your legs and arms and you could have sworn you sore the remnant of a smirk that appeared on its lips. 

You suddenly had an idea. 

Carefully, you looked up at the creature, "I'm just going to grab something out from my backpack, okay?" Slowly you stretched your arm out towards your backpack while maintaining eye contact with the creature. The creature stayed still, however you knocked something metal in your bag and it made a loud noise that echoed throughout the moonpool. The creature’s facial expression turned darker and it went full force towards you, grabbing your calves as it didn't let you go. It was close to your face, its golden eyes peering into yours as you could feel its grip and claws on your legs tighten, its body between your thighs leaning in on you. You breathed in slowly, feeling almost petrified, but somehow you knew the creature didn't mean any harm. It looked over at your hand that was inside your backpack. You waited a few seconds before slowly, lifting your hand out of the bag, to reveal a container of prawns that was meant to be your lunch today. 

The creature's grip loosened from your calves as it watched you open the container, taking a prawn before slowly reaching over to the creature's lips. One of its hands let go of your calf as it held your hand, guiding it towards its lips before it opened its mouth biting the prawns head off. You looked at the creature, a little startled. Its teeth were sharper than a normal human, like razors. In fact, you looked closely at the details of the creature's face, noticing the similarities to that of a human. Everything was the same except for the scales on the sides of his face, neck and on his cheekbones. The outline of his eyes was darker though, making his golden eyes brighter than usual. It had brown locks of hair, wet but you could see it was starting to dry. He resembled a male in his 20s.

He finished the prawn quickly and looked back at the container, wanting more. You spoke softly, "have more if you would like". 

He looked down at your hand and then back up at you as if it was asking you to feed him again. His grip on one of your calves was softer and you could feel his thumb running circles over your calf. You grabbed another prawn, reaching over to his lips as he was careful not to cut your fingers with his teeth as he ate the prawn. 

You sat there, feeding him the rest as he grew more comfortable around you. His hand reached out of the water towards the gravel next to your thigh as he spelled out the words "Jungkook" on the gravel. 

"Jungkook?" You questioned, "is that your name?". Jungkook looked up at you before placing his hand on your thigh. 

"Yes", he answered. Your eyes widen in shock, you didn't think he could understand you. You frowned and asked him curiously, "could you understand me this whole time?". 

He smirked slightly, "I'm not the best at this human language but yes, yes I could" He looked up at you, his eyes shining. You frowned, feeling a little messed around with since he could have at least answered you the many times you spoke to him. But then again you understood, he doesn't know you, and you don't know him. 

His grip on your calf and thigh tightened as he started to pull you in the water. You freaked, holding on to the edge of the moonpool. "Wait, wait, wait! I can't get these clothes wet and I uhh, have to get going soon..." Jungkook frowned but stopped pulling. He let go of you. 

"Promise me you'll come back?" He looked at you with a sad expression, lowering himself in the water. 

You looked down at him as you took your legs out of the water and grabbed your bag with your shoes and socks.

"I promise"

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AN: I know I haven’t updated, but I do really wanna update more. I feel like this chapter was a good one, give me some feedback? :)

tags:  @mjlock​

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