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#one day I’ll go to therapy and I’ll work on it
prism2674 · 10 months
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mattodore · 5 days
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therapy dog
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bunnyfemme · 3 months
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I really wish I could be happy again
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cetoddle · 10 months
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i have a dr appointment in two hours and i scheduled a therapy app for monday and i have an interview friday
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iloveyoumorethansoup · 8 months
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Things to do when you cannot see directly into the future but still want to be able to accurately predict: tarot cards
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6ebe · 9 months
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big pharma antidepressant marketing goes crazy the amount of times I see people on here happily accepting MONTHS of feeling ill every day on a drug bc ‘your body will get used to it one day’ like girl YOU ARE PAYING THEY WANT YOU TO GIVE THE DRUG MORE TIME BC YOU ARE PAYING 😭😭
#like I say this as someone who’s been on.. 3?4? diff ssris ?#like I have very complex but mostly negative feelings abt medication but it can serve a purpose as a tool / crutch in difficult times#it cannot be and will never work as a sole solution#and the expectation that one day the perfect med will turn up (that you’ll then be paying for for life !!) is fake babes !!!#the only treatment to chronic mental health is therapy and working on yourself sadly#the chemical imbalance Bs is a myth 😭😭😭#<- sorry that’s def a perspective from me w depression anxiety ptsd mild psychosis and ocd like#maybe some conditions can be more medication dependent#but then antipsychotics literally are so bad for your body Idek man I think we should question more of these assumptions#it’s not like the mentally I’ll get a voice in any of these prescriptions of what’s ‘best for us’#like not to sound foucauldian but it was not the institutionalised who’s voices where being heard when deciding how to treat them !#the entire industry is corrupt 😭#electro convulsive therapy still happens in hospitals to this day ! it’s still a treatment !!#(my perspective comes as someone fortunate enough to have had several courses of cbt and psychotherapy for FREE. I understand that therapy#is more expensive than meds for many people. exploitative dehumanising evil industry)#oh and the biggest irony of this whole circus is that#of course if you’re unwell every day with side effects from medication you won’t be thriving mentally#and guess what that means !! more money to line more pharma company pockets buying more pills !!#like my side affects from going off ssris the last 1.5 weeks had made me feel HORRIBLE#luckily I have the knowledge and awareness to identity that those are THE MEDS#that is not my brain making me sick (I don’t need more meds)
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catboy-kakashi · 2 years
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Noticing a pattern in your behavior that may be a sign of something much larger but instead of trying to analyze that you just quickly put the lid back on the oil fire and walk away
#i have some. problems. when it comes to food#i wouldnt call it like a disorder by any means#i feel like that would be trivializing what people with EDs go through#but uh. well i have been at someone else’s house petsitting and i’ve barely eaten anything besides the bag of veggie chips i brought#and im starting to think. maybe. i need to assess my issues with feeling like im allowed to eat or take food thats offered to me#without being explicitly handed the food and being told its for me#haha uhhhh. haha. anyway. i think i’ll cope with this by projecting onto fictional characters and then never self reflecting#​ camtankerous is whining#like they straight up SAID ‘theres leftover in the fridge! feel free to eat those!’#but because they said that and not ‘thats for you!’ my brain says ‘theyll eat that if i dont. i should leave it for them. its not for me’#like idk. like i dont DESERVE to eat someone elses leftovers??? thats so fucking SAD. that makes me sound like a stray dog or something#i havent had coffee for several days either bc asking how their coffee machine worked felt like admitting i was planning on taking#their coffee and like. maybe im not allowed to have coffee! thats THEIR fancy coffee#i newrly slept on the fucking couch instead of one of the TWO guest beds they told me i could use. whats wrong with me#negative#vent#sorry i just. ive been really stressed out the last few days and i needed to get this out#i straight up dont know where this behavior comes from. its not like my parents were abusive or didnt let me have food??#its like im afraid to let myself enjoy things. who the fuck do i think is going to come and take it away or yell at me.#HAHA wow thats a wall of text huh. i should probably go to therapy!#if youre still reading this do not look upon my wretched form. i dont want you to think less of me for this
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honeymaki · 2 years
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#time to work myself into another burnout because my parents can’t pay bills without my rent and I can’t pay rent because I’m so #mentally unwell #living at home sucks but I can’t support myself #im grateful for my support system but #gotta pay the bills ammi right?
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milo-is-rambling · 10 months
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Had a nightmare last night that many different large scary animals were trying to break into the house I lived in in New Hampshire and I kept running around and locking doors and screaming and crying and begging for my family to help me and they were just sitting and laughing or sleeping or living their lives and I was watching huge black bears pound on glass sliding doors and fog them up with their breath as they drool over the idea of demolishing my family and there were like big mountain lions finding small holes to crawl through trying to get in and I’m sobbing and bleeding and kicking them and trying to get my family to do something and they don’t even notice and act like I’m crazy
#hahahaha that’s totally unrelated to me having a panic attack and calling out of work only for my mother to tell me that she’s disappointed#in me and I should’ve just sucked it up and gone to work#my life is honestly me vs my mental health vs my mother#like if she could just. no. I’m the one with the problem. I stopped taking my meds. that’s on me. she shouldn’t get mad at me for the way I#deal with my own brain especially cause the first half of June went so well for me. but whatever. she’s allowed to be upset when her child#isn’t taking care of themselves. that’s fair. however. FUCK OFFFFFFFFFF#I DONT WANT NIGHTMARES WHERE IM DYING AND THEN I WAKE UP AND STILL FEEL LIKE IM ABOUT TO DIE#LIKE GIRL BE THE LITTLEST BIT SUPPORTIVE OF ME INSTEAD OF SAYING YOURE MAD AT ME BC I HAD A PANIC ATTACK SO BAD I COULDNT HANDLE A FIVE HOUR#SHIFT AT WORK LIKE JUST TELL ME IVE COME SO FAR FROM WHERE I WAS LAST YEAR (bad panic attacks every day) AND THAT I JUST NEED TO BREATHE AND#ILL GET THROUGH IT AND ITLL BE OKAY AND YOU CAN GO TO WORK AND EXPLAIN NEXT SHIFT AND APOLOGIZE AND ITLL BE FINE#INSTEAD OF SAYING TO YOUR KID ‘are you TRYING to get fired so you don’t have to go to work anymore?’ WHILE IM SOBBING WITH MY HEAD IN A#TRASHCAN DRY HEAVING LIKE YEAH MOM THATS JUST WHAT I WANT TO HEAR YOU THINK IM NOT FREAKING OUT ENOUGH ON MY OWN WHAT DO YOU THINK SENT ME#INTO THIS PANIC ATTACK LIKE SHUT THE FUCK UP#sorry. having a moment.#I just keep getting really vivid flashbacks to my dream and it’s like I was trying to protect my dad bc in my dream he was still alive and#then I woke up and felt so powerless to everything and remembered my mom still being mad at me which I’m sure is going to continue and I’ll#be guilt tripped for the rest of the weekend at least#and she’s going to be on my ass about going back to therapy when therapy has nothing to do with this#rage rage rage rage fear fear fear fear fear that’s all I seem to know anymore
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So I had a meltdown last week and it’s the first major one I’ve had since moving out. I told my therapist about it today (we haven’t talked about autism, I just described what happened) and she attributed it to anxiety which is fair but was just kind of like “wow that’s hard to go through” and didn’t really offer any coping mechanisms? Like she asked me what things I do to mitigate it and I told her sometimes if I can remove the stressor that triggered it in the first place and take some breaths right when I start to feel it coming on, I can stop it but that’s not always possible and it doesn’t always work when it is. I asked her what to do and she said try counting backwards from 10 which I will try but that feels so generic. Idk I just feel like I’m not getting much actionable advice and maybe I need to try to get a diagnosis and/or a different therapist. Idk what to do.
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emo-batboy · 7 months
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Things Battinson Totally Did During His First Year of University
Using Unhinged or Odd Things I Also Did as a College Freshman :D
Note: for this list, let’s believe Bruce was living in an (admittedly expensive and swanky) dorm because it is required for first-years, especially those entering at a young age, and Alfred told him he needed to make friends. Also yes I did every single thing on this list. I never claimed to be a role model
Bruce, to his TA: I’m so sorry I’m late to class. I gave blood a few hours ago and almost fainted on the way here, but it won’t happen again.
Signs up for a class called “Age of Dinosaurs” despite it not being required whatsoever and proceeds to work his entire schedule around it
Bruce: Your mental health is super important. If you think you should see the on-campus therapist, go see them. Friend: Fine. I’ll sign up for therapy if you sign up for therapy too. Bruce: Hold on-
Finds a loophole in his housing contract that allows him to get a pet frog, calls him kermit :)
Gets a second frog because Kermit was lonely, names it Constantine after Muppets Most Wanted, then realizes that they’re gay for each other. Wonders if the rainbow-colored rocks he got them triggered anything
Swings dramatically between calling Alfred every single day and ghosting him for weeks, cries when he realizes what he did
“Accidentally” joins the student body council, doesn’t know what he’s doing, gets re-elected anyway
Molds a dragon out of Laffy Taffy instead of doing his work
Bruce: *joins Honors, gets all A’s, takes the max amount of classes, has several minors, overachieves* Also Bruce: I’m a failure.
Breaks into a building after hours to study because NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AT THE LIBRARY
Bruce: I will not get seasonal depression this year. Bruce: *gets real and seasonal depression that year*
Meticulously schedules his day with a color-coded planner because if he sits down for too long, the thoughts will consume him
Gives a presentation to his rhetoric class on how much he likes Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse (it is 20 minutes long)
Successfully allocates funding from the student body council to pay for free feminine products in the dorms OUT OF SPITE because someone said it couldn't be done. fuck you, Andrew
Bruce: It is not an all-nighter if I go to sleep before my first class. Friend: It is 7:30am, the sun is in the sky, and your first class is at 12:30. Bruce: But I am getting sleep.
Refuses to go anywhere without his backpack because what if he needs three notebooks at once
Loses over 20 pounds because ✨stress✨ and scares the shit out of Alfred when he comes home for Thanksgiving
Argues with his TA over the one (1) question he got wrong on his Dinosaur exam
Bruce, calling Alfred: Hello father figure. How do I do taxes? Do I have to do them myself? Also, I think I’m having a panic attack.
Joins in on a charity arts-and-crafts project that gives kids books with matching activities made by volunteers, proceeds to commandeer the project because “it’s not color-blind friendly” and rewrites the instructions for everyone
Makes a murder wall
Goes to one (1) sports game and proceeds to leave in the first ten minutes because it’s way too loud wtf is wrong with people
Professor, addressing the lecture hall: I dare you to write an essay about these two sentences. Bruce: *writes an essay about six words, gets a 100, never even read the book*
Crawls into the ceiling for some alone time
Ghosts someone after a date because he’s too scared to tell them he didn’t know it was a date in the first place and now he feels bad
Classmate: How tf does he walk across campus that fast? I go in the same direction he does on my bike, and he’s always ahead of me. Bruce: *is gay sprinting to Dinosaur class*
Refuses to let others use his Favorite Pen TM
Constantly gets mistaken for a Grad Student because he is “so wise and mature” (bestie, that’s the autism)
Alfred: *casually mentions he got into a car accident through text* Bruce: *replies with a meme while hyperventilating because he doesn’t know what to do with that information??!*
Wears a suit to one of his finals
Regularly eats non-organic food for the first time in his life, proceeds to learn about several allergies Alfred forgot to mention he has
Writes “What is a Hot Pocket?” in calligraphy and proceeds to laugh his ass off alone in his dorm because he is so exhausted he’s reached the point of delusion
Locks himself out of his dorm right before class, frantically asks the floor group chat if someone can help, proceeds to tell the nice gay man on the floor who saved him “I love you” because his social skills have hit rock bottom
Makes a little music album display next to his desk for his favorite band (Nirvana) His friends call it a shrine, and they are technically correct
Has a blacklist of people he refuses to interact with because Reasons
Counselor: What do you want to do when you graduate? Bruce: *gestures vaguely*
Refuses to take the bus because there are people in there and he doesn’t like those
Loses one of his frogs, how tf did he do that, they’re fully aquatic, oh fuck, this is probably why they got rid of that loophole a year later because unbeknownst to Bruce, he accidentally started a frog revolution in the dorms, btw he SWEARS he did not mean to do that
Has two trash cans in his room: one for the Good Garbage, and one for the Bad Garbage. Only Bruce knows which is which
Bruce: *writes a creative piece about a ship’s final thoughts as it sinks, bringing its passengers down with it* TA: Absolutely lovely, Bruce, but are you okay?
Goes on Night Walks, keeps himself safe by maintaining a level 12 resting bitch face at all times
Earns the nickname “8th floor cryptid” after pacing the halls at 3am when it’s too cold for Night Walks (honestly tho how tf didn’t he get the nickname earlier?)
Bruce: Do you think a depressed person could do this? Bruce: *has a manic episode*
Okay that's all love you BYE
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trendfag · 2 years
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holy shit i need to get my shit together
#i wish this would last lmao#like i wish i would do something about it#i should have got a train ticket for thursday and used friday to have a meeting w someone at uchicago while im up there#see if i cant get some help with the process of transferring / find out if its even technically a transfer at this point idk how this works#hm oh well i just will have to go back up to chicago sometime#or do a zoom meeting….sorry but i havent been in one since april and if you dont count therapy then in 2 years but im so sick of zoom meetin#i did friday because my friends have school this week#my friend im staying with when i asked how long she wants me said ‘friday to monday is fine’ ‘unless you want longer’#‘i just know during school i cant do much’ and so i took that to mean please just come friday to monday because i have school#because hes from the south and wouldnt just say that#last time i visited also for a concert it was during finals week#and they were going to the concert too but anyway so i asked how long they wanted me for and she was like since its finals week im gonna be#studying and stuff so i wont really be able to entertain you and i was like yeah no problem!! ill just come up the day before and leave day#after! and he was like thank you so much for thinking about me and finals and everything i really appreciate it#but then the day i left she was like….i wish i hadnt asked you not to stay longer#tag edit i misconstrued the thank you she gave me#so ok i asked how long do you want me he said well theres finals so probably not very long which like if youre down to just watch me study#and tske a final then thats not a problem but its up to you. and then i didnt reply for a bit probably half mental illness half being like#i want to stay longer but i dont want to like distract her and intrude and stuff so then she texyed me again asking if id decided how long i#was going to stay and i was like yeah i’ll leave day after concert so i dont distract you from studying or anything and then i think he#thought my feelings wwre hurt bc he was like im sorry i wish you could stay longer but i really appreciate you giving me my space but know#that literally any other week id be fine with you staying however long you want its just this week is a lot with the concert and finals#and i was like yeah of course i understand completely!! and idk if i realized then that he might have thought she hurt my feelings but i was#like yeah i get it! anyway. whatever.
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gyupinkys · 5 months
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LIKE CRAZY
PARK SEONGHWA X READER
WC: 7.4K
WARNINGS: MURDER, YANDERE, VIOLENCE, DOMESTIC ABUSE, GORE, KIDNAPPING, DRUGGING, SMUT, power imbalance, questionable morals, unprotected sex, rough sex, heavy talks of breeding, creampie, oral, guided masturbation, possessiveness, very inaccurate medical terms idk what i'm talking about, lots of dirty talk, seonghwa is actually crazy...
Synopsis: Park Seonghwa, 25, charged with 10 Counts of second degree murder, acquitted of all charges by reason of insanity. You find his story hard to believe, seeing through his lies. As a new psychiatrist you're not sure you're ready for the anomaly you're tasked to treat
A/N: Thank you guys so much for all the support!!! I love this fic <3
You love your job, you really do but moments like this make you question why you’re here. As you stand in the bathroom of your office cleaning the mashed potatoes your patient threw at you in a manic rage off your face, you question why you do this. As a psychiatrist you pride yourself in your patience, but you can't help but stomp your foot in a mini tantrum. You spent so long doing your makeup this morning and it’s all going to waste. You throw the final wipe in the trash and stare at your reflection. The bags under your eyes are much more prominent than a few days ago. You’ve been up all night trying to prepare yourself for your new patient coming today. Park Seonghwa, 25, acquitted of all charges by reason of insanity. He claims a “demon” took over his body, subsequently leading him to murdering 15 people across a 1 month killing spree. You don’t buy it. Something about this guy is off and the state made it your job to find out why. Your phone ringing snaps you out of your thoughts.
“Doctor L/N, the patient has arrived, we are transporting him to his room.”
“I’ll be right there.” 
You take a deep breath and walk across the hospital to his room. You expect to hear shuffling and yelling but the room is eerily quiet. The guards in front of the door step aside and let you into the room, keeping a close eye on Seonghwa. 
“Hello Mr.Park, I’m Dr. Y/N L/N, and I will be treating you for your stay here.” you smile at him., surprised by his appearance. 
“Hello, Y/N.” he says, staring up at you from his place on his bed.
His curly black hair and plump lips suit him so well. 
“I hope you adjust well, we’ve been anticipating your arrival. Breakfast begins at 8, so you are expected to be up and ready before then. Lunch is at 2 and dinner is at 7. Your therapy time with me is at 4 Mondays, Wednesday’s, and Fridays. Sounds good?”
“Sounds great” he says with a smile, showcasing his pearly white teeth. 
“I look forward to working with you. My job is to take care of you and I promise to do that.” you smile.
You take a second to look at him, watching the dead look in his eyes. His smile says one thing but his eyes say another. With one last smile you leave the room, almost certain he’ll be causing problems before the night is over. 
_________________________
You come in the next morning and check in with the nurses. Surprisingly there were no issues from Seonghwa, he even took his medication with no complaints. Maybe you had the wrong idea about him. You meet with several of your other patients, thankfully avoiding potatoes in your face again. It's 3pm when you take a break, looking outside your office window. You see him sitting at the edge of the courtyard, eyes fixed up at the sky. Four guards surround him out of precaution, but he seems completely unphased, eyes staring at the clear blue sky.  For someone capable of such evil things he’s beautiful. His curly hair has grown quite long during his time in prison awaiting his trial. His eyes are wide and bright holding so many secrets.  As if he can feel your eyes on him he looks up, directly into your office window somehow making eye contact with you. Your eyes widen and you quickly look away, pretending you weren't staring at him. It’s not uncommon for new patients to stick to themselves, often untrusting of the new environment. You can only hope Seonghwa will begin to trust you so you can treat him, if not you’re not sure what his future might hold.   
_________________________
He is brought to your office at 4 on the dot, accompanied by the four guards assigned to him. He looks rather scared, the new environment keeping him on his toes. You welcome  him with a wide smile that he doesn't return, instead staring straight at your shoes. 
“Hello, Seonghwa.” 
“Hi.” he responds quietly, reminding you of a scared child. You find it in your heart to feel sorry for him. 
“How are you adjusting?”
He shrugs in response, eyes still on the floor. 
“Can you look at me?”
He shakes his head no. 
“Ok, that's fine. I know it’s scary here, I’d also hate to be constantly monitored, but we just want to make sure you’re safe.”
He keeps quiet so you continue. 
“Tell me, do you like the food here?” 
No response. 
“I’ve only tried some of the patient food, well besides when it gets thrown at me. Last week Sandy with the weird haircut threw her potatoes right in my face, I looked like Ms.Doubtfire in that one scene.” you say with a laugh, gauging his reaction. He smirks but remains silent, you decide it might be best if you keep talking in hopes of making him comfortable. 
“I’ve only been working here for about 5 months. I can’t say I’m settled completely. Some patients don’t seem to like me very much, hence the mashed potatoes. But I don’t let that discourage me, I mean if I was in their shoes I wouldn’t want some random lady talking my ear off. Well, I guess that’s what I’m doing now, I’ll shut up.”
He looks up at you with a wide smile, showcasing his perfect teeth. “Don’t stop," he says gently.
“I don’t think you know what you’re getting yourself into here, I can talk for hours.” you say with a light laugh. 
His eyes widen a bit, he looks at you as if he’s psychoanalyzing you, the roles seemingly reversed. You squirm under his intense stare, deciding to just start talking. 
“How about this? If I tell you one thing about me, you tell me one thing about you?”
“Deal.” he says much quicker than you anticipate making you laugh. You hear his breath hitch, concerned you did something wrong. 
“Are you ok?” 
“I’m fine. Start talking.” 
“Ok, Ok. Hmmmm, Oh how about this, I haven’t finished paying off my student debt.”
“I could pay it off,” he says seriously. 
“I appreciate the offer, but I’m sure that violates many rules.”
“I’m not one to worry about rules.” he says with a smile, making your own fall. He quickly reacts, trying to soothe the situation. “That was a joke, I’m joking.” 
“Noted.” you say hesitantly. “Your turn.” 
“I miss my cat.” he says, sadly.
“You have a cat?” you ask in surprise. “I love cats, I have two.”
“Can I see?” he asks, scooching to the front of his seat, making the guards jump hold him back. 
“You guys can relax.” you say and they let go of him.
You grab your phone from your desk, missing the way his eyes drop to your ass. 
“They're named Brad and Chad. And yes I know those are weird names for cats.” you show him the pictures of your cats, seeing his body visibly relax. 
“What’s your cat's name?”  
“Matz.”
“Boy or girl?”
“Girl. I think my friend Hongjoong has her but I’m not sure.” 
“If you give me his last name I can try to find out for you.” you say with a smile.
He leans forward again in excitement. “You’d do that for me?”
“Of course, I know It’ll give you peace of mind.”
“Kim, his last name is Kim.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Kim Hongjoong has Matz and says you raised a very disrespectful cat.” you say and slide into the chair across from him in the cafeteria. 
He looks a bit shocked at your presence but he gives you a wide smile when he registers what you said. 
“She was born like that, I had no part in her sassiness.” he laughs. 
“Did he say anything else?”
“He said,  “Don't forget to look at the sky.” and stopped responding after that so do with it as you will.”
“I really appreciate it.” he says and grabs your hand, making the security guards restrain him. 
“It’s ok, let him go.” you sigh, understanding the guard’s worry, but also feeling sympathetic for Seonghwa. 
“I’ll see you around, Seonghwa.”
“Call me Hwa.” he smiles. 
_________________________
Seonghwa has made great progress, now only being followed around by two guards as opposed to four. He’s been much more responsive with you and willing to let you into his mind, but he refuses to talk about the murders. Whenever you attempt to touch on the subject he locks up and asks to leave. You think he needs more time to accept and confront his past. You know prying too much will only erase his progress. You’ve learned so much about him and he’s learned so much about you. He’s so attentive to every word you speak, constantly bringing up small details you forgot you said. You’d be lying if you said it wasn't sweet. Today you decided to try group therapy with him, maybe if he sees someone else sharing he’d be inclined to share as well. You’re also hoping he’s able to make a friend here, since he expressed to you how lonely he’s been feeling. You can see the shock on his face when he walks into your office and see’s San sitting on the couch. He freezes in the threshold of your office, his face morphing into something you’ve never seen before. 
“Who is this?” he asks with venom.
“Hwa, this is San, he’ll be joining us today.”
“Why?”
“I think it’ll be a good change of pace. Now come on in and sit down.”
He slowly walks in, eyes never leaving San. 
“So, I was thinking of doing a joint session today. I think you two can be great friends and what better place to facilitate this friendship than here?”
“I’d rather be your friend, or more than friends if you’re interested.” San says with a smirk.
“San, don’t start.”
“If you show me your tits I’ll stop.”
“I will write you up.” you deadpan. 
He holds his hands up in defeat as you look over to Seonghwa. He’s sitting in his chair with a hard face and tense body. You want him to feel comfortable, understanding why he’s nervous. 
“Hwa, San also loves cats. Why don’t you tell him about Matz?”
“I have a cat named Matz” he whispers, eyes never leaving you.
“I used to have a cat but it died. I was thinking of getting a new one.” San says with a wide smile.
“What kind of cat is your favorite?” Seonghwa asks, seemingly interested. 
“I like cats that are nice and wet, even better if they're tight.” he says with a wide smile, showing off his dimples. “Can I take a look at your cat, Doctor?” 
Before you can respond San’s on the floor, face being beaten in by Seonghwa. 
“HOW ABOUT YOU TREAT HER WITH SOME FUCKING RESPECT.” he yells as his fist fly into San’s jaw. As the guards peel him off San and sedate him he’s staring straight at you, tears in his eyes. 
“I can’t sit here and let him talk to you like that.” he slurs as the sedative takes over his body. 
“Thank you, Hwa.” is the last thing he hears before everything fades to black.
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“You did a real number on San.” you say with an awkward laugh at your next session,  trying to make him comfortable. He’s back with four guards after he broke San’s jaw two weeks ago.  He was placed in a higher security ward inorder to avoid more altercations.
“He deserved it.” he whispers with an eye roll.
“Maybe, but we don���t have to solve our problems with violence.”
“I do.”
“Well, If I upset you would you beat the shit out of me?” you ask, trying to prove your point but hoping he will say no.
He leans forward and looks directly into your eyes. “Y/N I will never hurt you. I swear on my life.” 
“That's good to hear” you say with a laugh. 
“Ok, let's begin. I want you to write three things you like here and three things you dislike. I want you to start seeing the good in the bad.”
“Not much to love in this shit hole.” he grumbles.
“Hey, At least the chicken tenders they serve on wednesdays are good.” you joke.
You hand him a piece of paper and a pen, your fingers brushing making you clear your throat. 
“Ok, go ahead.”
“You do it too.” he says with a smirk.
“How about I just write things I do like? ”
“Deal”
You write three things you like:
Chicken tenders 
The sunlight
Seonghwa
“Ok, you share first.” 
He clears his throat. 
“I like my doctor, I like the girl I meet on Monday’s, Wednesday, and Fridays, and I like Y/N.”
Your eyes widen and you can’t help but smile, feeling your cheeks tingle. “Well that's definitely something.” you say with a laugh watching his eyes light up. 
You read out your list and watch his smile widen when he hears his name. 
“Don’t let it go to your head.” you say with an eye roll.
“Oh baby, it already did.”
Your heart stops at the pet name, willing yourself to remain professional. He’s a goddamn serial killer you internally yell. 
“Ok, now read the things you don’t like.”
“I don’t like Tuesdays and Thursdays, I don’t like San, and I don’t like your boyfriend.”
You choke on the sip of water you were taking. 
“How do you know I have a boyfriend?”
“Your reaction just told me.” he says and you can see him becoming upset. 
“I don’t have a boyfriend, and frankly it’s none of your business.” you say, slightly annoyed. 
He gives you a look you’re never seen before. You hate to think it but he genuinely looks insane. You’re suddenly thankful for the guards in the room. 
“I think that’s enough for today.” you say. the guards picking him up and dragging him out of the room, his eyes never leaving yours.
You weren’t lying, you don’t have a boyfriend. Well, that’s because he doesn’t want you. All  Chris wants from you is sex, claiming he’s “too young for a relationship”
You wish you were strong enough to stick up for yourself but that’s exactly how he likes you, weak. 
As you sit at your desk you're puzzled by Seonghwa’s reaction. Sure, you've had patients crush on you in the past but they've never reacted like that when they found out about your partner. He looked almost… murderous? You write this in his file, concerned for both your safety and his. Maybe someone else should get assigned to him? No, that’ll only aggravate him more. You sigh, at a loss about this situation. 
_________________________
When you enter your office you see an envelope on the floor, presumably slid under your door. You pick it up and see it’s addressed to you.
You open it and pull out a letter.
“My dear Y/N, 
I don’t know what I was thinking yesterday. I guess I got jealous, knowing I can’t have you in the ways he has you. I can tell you guys aren’t in love. You deserve to be loved, in every sense of the word. I wish we met in different circumstances, I’d do anything to have you, to hold you, to love you. I’m sorry if I scared you. You’ve been nothing but perfect for me and I’ve done nothing but give you headaches. I’ll be better for you, I promise.
-Hwa”
Your heart softens. This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you. You choose to ignore the parts where he confesses his love for you. That just complicates things. You decide to pay him a visit in his room. 
You walk to the other side of the hospital, rehearsing what you're going to say to him. You stop in your tracks outside his door, hearing moans and groans coming from the other side. Is he ok?  You press your ear to his door, only hearing more moans and whimpers. As you’re about to open it you hear him moan out your name. Oh. It doesn't take a genius to guess what he’s doing. It would be a lie if you said you weren't imagining his face right now. He’s already so pretty, he must look even better right before he comes. You bite the bullet and knock on his door.
“Hwa, can I come in?”
You hear shuffling and a meek “Come in.”
You open the door and pause. You expected him to stop but he’s sitting up on his bed with his back against the wall, cock in his hand. Your eyes stray from his face to his dick, hard and long. 
“Am I interrupting something?”
“No.”
“I’ll come back later.” 
“No.” he yells, making you stop in your tracks.
“Turn around.”
As if you were in a trance you turn around, eyes trained on his large hands wrapped around himself. 
“Can you come help me? It hurts so bad.” he whispers. “You’re my doctor aren’t you?” he smirks.
“No, this is wrong.”
“Then why are you still here? Why are your eyes on my cock rather than my face?”
“I-”
“Y/N, all I can think of when I close my eyes is you.” he says as he strokes his cock, looking into your eyes. “Your pretty eyes, your lips, your perfect fucking smile. You make it so hard to focus. I gotta come back here after every session to stroke my cock to you, I can’t help myself.”
You’re frozen in place, unsure if you’re even breathing. “Come wrap your hand around my cock, baby. Please?”
Your legs move before you can think this through, hesitantly wrapping your hand around him. He’s so big in your hands, you can only imagine how perfect he’d feel inside you. 
“I shouldn't be doing this.” you whisper to him. 
He wraps his hand around yours and guides you to begin stroking him, moaning at the sensation. “You aren’t doing anything wrong, just helping your patient.”
His breathing picks up as precum leaks from his tip onto your hand. “Baby, can I tell y-you something?”
“Yea.”
“I really wish it was your pretty little pussy wrapped around me right now.” he groans. “I’d treat you better than you could imagine, I’d have you addicted to this dick.”
“Hwa” 
“Shh, keep going. You're making me feel so good, beautiful.” he breathes out, throbbing in your hand.
“Do you do this to your other patients? Or am I special.”
“You’re special, Hwa. You know that.”
“Do you do this for that ungrateful bastard you call a boyfriend?”
You freeze, but he continues. 
“I know you don’t. If he treated you how you deserved you wouldn’t be here with me. I’d make you a queen Y/N, you don’t even have to love me back.”
You look at him in the eye, he looks fucking insane but you can’t find it in you to care. You crash your lips into his, feeling him suck in a deep breath before returning the same ferocity. The kiss is deep and nasty, nothing but tongue and teeth. You grip him harder and begin pumping him faster, desperate to see his face when you come. 
“I want you to come for me ok? I wanna see how pretty you look when you feel good.”
“Yes, yes, ok. I’m gonna come for you.”
You hear him let out one last whimper before he comes, his seed dripping down your hand. When he’s done you bring your hand up to his mouth, watching him lick his cum off your fingers. You feel yourself clench around nothing, but you know you’d have to handle your little issue at a later time. 
“So good for me, Hwa.” you smile, giving him one last peck before getting up. 
He’s laying on the bed, looking completely blissed out, a wide smile on his face. 
“I got the letter by the way. I guess flattery has gotten you pretty far.”
_________________________
You arrive home later than expected, getting caught up in some paperwork and losing track of time. When you arrive at your apartment you see none other than Chris waiting outside. 
“Where have you been?” he immediately spits, slurring his words, making you roll your eyes. 
“Why are you here?” you sigh, unlocking your door.
“What? I can’t come see you now?” he says, going to hug you, but you push him away, smelling the alcohol on his breath. 
“Thought you’d be more interested in seeing Irene.”
“Y/N, don’t be like that. You and I aren’t together.” he says, getting aggravated.
“Thank God.” you say under your breath, unsure where this confidence came from.
“Come again?”
“Nothing.”
“No. Fucking say it.” he says, getting in your face.
“Chris, just leave.”
“Youre fucking impossible, Y/N. I don’t know what you fucking want from me. You get mad when I fuck other bitches but you talk to me like this? You don’t deserve me.”
You can’t help but laugh, turning to walk into your bathroom, which makes him even more upset. 
“Whats so fucking funny?” he yells, grabbing your wrist a little too tight. 
“Don’t fucking touch me.” you spit, trying to pull your hand away, but unable to due to his tight grip. 
“You’re hurting me.” you cry as he tightens his grip and pulls you towards him. 
“Imagine how much you hurt me when you act like this? You’re a fucking bitch Y/N. Why are you acting like this? Are you fucking someone else is that it?” he’s getting angrier by the second, beginning to scare you.
“GET OFF OF ME.”
“ADMIT IT. YOU'RE WHORING YOURSELF OUT AREN’T YOU? “
You yank your hand from his grip, only to be greeted with a sharp slap across your face.
You look at him with wide eyes, shocked at his actions. He seems equally as shocked as he stares at his hand then you. 
“Sweetheart, I’m-”
“Get out before I call the cops.”
He rushes out, spewing bullshit apologies in his drunken state, but you’re having none of it. As soon as he leaves you begin to cry, the reality of what happened hitting you. You look down at your wrist, seeing his hand imprinted on your skin. You cry more, wondering how you got to this point.
_________________________
You tried your best to cover the small mark on your face, but the bruise on your hand was a no go. You just hoped the sleeves of your lab coat would cover the mark. You see multiple patients today, trying to keep up your usual happy persona but most likely failing. San is the only one who asked if you were ok, saying he “knows ways to make
You feel better.” Maybe Seonghwa needs to beat him up one more time so he can learn his lesson. Speaking og Seonghwa, you are nervous to face him after your encounter yesterday. You violated so many rules, if he were to snitch on you not only would you lose your job, but your license. You take a deep breath as the guards bring him into your office, two instead of four now due to good behavior.
He takes a seat but you’re not sure what to say. He frowns at the unusual silence, immediately asking what's wrong. 
“I’m fine, Hwa. Just having a shitty day.” you say while subconsciously rubbing your wrist, bringing attention to it. He shoots forward in his seat and grabs your arm, pulling back your sleeve and looking at your wrist. The guards immediately grab him, but you signal at them to stand down. 
“Did he do that?” Seonghwa asked, venom dripping from his voice. 
“He was drunk.” 
“That's not an excuse.”
“I know.” you sigh.
“That bastard doesn't deserve you. I hope he fucking dies.” Seonghwa spits. 
“Hwa, don’t say that.”
“I want to leave.”
You nod your head and the guards lead him back to his room. You decide to head home, hoping a night out with your friends will clear your mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seonghwa’s tells himself he’s doing this for you. Everything he does is for you. No one can lay a hand on his sweet girl and think they won't experience any consequences. He’ll be damned if this fucker lives another day. He watches Chris dance and kiss other women like nothings wrong, like he didn’t put his hands on you. Seonghwa can feel the rage flowing through his body, this is the feeling he gets right before he kills. He can’t wait to see the light leave Chris’ eyes tonight. He’s eternally grateful for Hongjoong finding this fucker for him, he knows he’ll avenge you tonight. 
He waits for him near his car, watching him fumble with his keys. 
“Excuse me.” 
Chris turns around and sees Seonghwa standing next to the car parked behind his own. 
“Yes?”
“I know this sounds weird, but I’m trying to dump my couch, but I can’t get it out of my apartment by myself. Can you help me?”
“Yea sure.” 
Seonghwa couldn't help but smile, knowing what was about to happen. As soon as the pair enter Hongjoong’s old apartment, Seonghwa wastes no time and stabs Chris in the chest, watching him crumble to the floor. 
“You think you can touch my dear, Y/N and get away with it? No one is going to hurt my girl.” he spits, rage consuming him. 
Chris doesn’t get a chance to respond as Seonghwa plunges the knife into his chest, repeatedly, aiming for his heart. 
“This is how my heart felt when I saw those bruises on her.” he spits, mutilating Chris’s body. 
When his body is nothing more than a pile of flesh and blood, Seonghwa stands, changing out of his soiled clothes and exiting the apartment, leaving Chris’s body to rot. 
He pushes through the crowds of the rowdy club, searching for you. He spots you dancing with your friends, looking carefree and happy, exactly as you should be. He smiles at the sight, falling more in love with you as the seconds pass. He wants to experience everything with you, he wants to marry you, have kids with you, die with you, and he will. He’ll make you his, he’ll fill you up with his seed and watch your body grow. He’ll keep you where no one can find you, make sure you’re his forever. 
He watches you search for one of your other friends from your spot at the bar, hoping you’d make eye contact with him. When your eyes meet his heart stops. He watches your eyes widen, and confusion grow on your face. You rub your eyes to make sure you’re seeing correctly and when you open them again he’s gone. 
He walks back to the asylum elated, happy he served you justice. He passes by the security who knows better to question him and the nurses who keep their heads down and mouths shut. There's nothing money can’t buy, and the hospital staff’s silence is definitely not one of them. He changes back into his patient attire and gets into bed as if nothing happened. 
_________________________
 You’re 100% losing your mind. Either that or Seonghwa was in the same club as you last night which is impossible. You've run through every scenario you could think of and you’ve concluded whatever you feel for him is becoming too strong. You’re considering transferring him to another doctor, the guilt you have from what happened two days ago is sitting on you. That was completely unprofessional and foolish, your risked so much because you’re too fucking horny. Not only that but you took advantage of him, you're in a position of power, you should've said no. You know you wouldn't be able to treat and diagnose him properly. But you also know he’d throw a fit if he gets assigned to a new doctor. This is all too much for you to handle.
Your thoughts are interrupted by someone barging into your office. You look up and see Seonghwa, eyes widening. 
“Hwa? Why are you here?”
“I needed to see you.”
“Where are the guards?”
“Don’t worry about that.” he says and locks your office door, worrying you a bit.
“Seonghwa, you’ll get in trouble if they find out you’re here.”
“They won’t find out if you don’t tell.” he says with a smile, walking to your desk. 
“Why did you need to see me?”
“I’m sorry for how I acted yesterday. It wasn’t my place to react like that, and I know you were probably already stressed, I shouldn’t have added to that.”
“It's ok, don’t worry.”
“No, it’s not Ok. I keep saying I'll treat you right but I haven't. Let me make it up to you.”
You smile at how much he cares when it should be the other way around. 
“And how are you going to make it up?” you say with a light laugh.
“Let me eat you out.”
Your eyes widen. 
“Hwa. What happened was a one time thing. We can’t keep doing this.”
“Why?
“You know why.”
“I won’t tell anyone. No one needs to know, Baby. I love you, why would I jeopardize you?” he says, getting on his knees next to your desk chair.
“What if someone sees?”
“I’ll take care of them. With the way I’m about to have you, no one but me gets to see you.”
Your breath quickens. No way you're actually contemplating this. You watch as he turns your chair towards him and places his hands on your thighs.
“What do you say, Sweet girl?”
You nod hesitantly. He smiles up at you spreading your legs and running his hands up your skirt. He flips it up and looks at your pink panties, sucking in a deep breath. 
“Just like I imagined.”
He puts his legs on your shoulder and pulls your hips to his face, running his nose along your inner thigh. He’s breathing heavily, his grip on you tightening. He licks a long stipe up your slit over your panties, teasing you. Your hands fly to his soft curls, pulling him closer. 
“Please don’t tease”  you whisper.
He begins to kiss your cunt, practically making out with it. He’s so sloppy with it, soaking your already soaked panties more. He pulls off your panties with his teeth, shoving them in his pocket before pulling you flush to his lips. He goes straight for your clit, sucking harshly. He's moaning into your cunt, lapping at your pussy like it's the last he’lll ever eat.
“So good, Baby. You taste so fucking goof. The best I’ve ever had.”
He runs two fingers through you, wetting them before easing them inside. 
“Fucking hell, you’re gonna be the death of me.”
You can only moan in response, trying to control your volume.
“Tell me how it feels.”
“It’s so good, Hwa. Feels so good.”
“Is it better than that fucker Chris?”
“Yes, so much better.” you moan out, not having enough brain power to question how he knows chris. All you can focus on is his soft tongue running through you and his fingers hitting all the spots you need. 
Your back arches as you feel your orgasm coming. “Give it to me baby. I deserve it,I’ve been so good to you.” he speaks into your cunt, his fingers never stopping. 
You look down into his wide eyes and see so much emotion in them. He’s so fucking pretty, just the thought that this is the man eating you out makes you let go. Grabbing his hair harshly and somehow pulling him closer as you soak his face. He keeps sucking and licking your clit, slowing the pace of his fingers. When it gets too much you yank his head back, out of breath. 
“Fuck, Hwa. That definitely made it up to me.” you laugh, blissed out.
“I’m glad.” he laughs, licking his fingers clean before standing up and kissing you.
“I can make you feel even better.” he smiles, testing his luck. 
“Nice try. Can I have my panties back?”
“No can do.” he smiles, kissing you one more time before backing up, helping you put your clothes back in place. 
“I’ll see you four, Love.” he says with a wide smile.
“Actually, I need to cancel our session, something came up.” you say solemnly watching his smile drop. All the guilt from before it you once again. You can’t keep doing this. He’s you patient for fucks sake, you can’t fuck him. This is wrong on so many levels.  
“So when am I going to see you instead?”
“I’ll let you know.” you say with a frown.
“Oh, Ok. Have a nice night, Y/N.”
“You too, Hwa.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seonghwa can feel something's off. He thought after he ate you out you’d realize you feel the same way about him. But he could tell it had the opposite effect. He tries to sleep but all that's on his mind is you. He looks at the clock on the wall, it's well past 4am, you should definitely be gone. He gets up and opens his door, seeing the guard on night duty fast asleep. He walks to your office and uses the master key he stole from the janitor to unlock the door. He walks over to your desk and scans the papers littering it. He sees a printed out email from your supervisor, listing reports made about you from other patients. Other patients claim you show him favoritism? He knows San was behind this. They claim patient reports you write for him are much more detailed and that's somehow proof of favoritism? You eating lunch with him is somehow inappropriate? He laughs at this, they really have no idea how inappropriate your relationship has gotten. He continues reading, Your supervisor claims he’s showing no improvement and has requested a new doctor for him. He can feel the anger coursing through his veins but he wills himself. He’ll be damned if they try to take you away from him. His months of planning will not go to waste. He’ll live out all his dreams with you, there's no way he won’t. 
He walks out of your office, filled with rage. He can’t believe this. He can only imagine how crushed you are. He knows you love him, even if you don’t know it. He knows you’re probably at home distraught. He owes it to you to make sure you two remain together forever.
He goes back to his room, but he still can’t sleep. He stares at the ceiling, imagining your pretty face in an attempt to calm his spirit. He’s rudely interrupted by his door opening. He looks at the clock and sees it's somehow 8am. Time flies so fast when you're on his mind. In walks another doctor he’s seen around the hospital. There's no way this happened so quickly. He can’t believe this. He sees the man speaking to him but he’s not hearing anything besides the ringing in his ears. 
“I want Y/N to be my doctor.”
“Unfortunately, she can’t. She hasn’t been making much progress with you. We're hoping a more experienced doctor like myself can help you more than she can.”
He looks at him blankly. He feels himself slipping away. His hands clench and reach under his pillow, grasping his knife as the doctor reads from his clipboard. He won’t let someone speak about you like this. He won’t let them take you away from him. He grabs the doctor's hair and slits his throat, sawing through the man's blood vessels until he falls limp. A guard runs in and attempts to wrestle the knife out of his hands but he overpowers him, plunging the knife into his chest repeatedly. Seonghwa’s fuled by blind rage, no one will stop him from avenging your honor. How dare they speak of you like this as he kills the fourth and final guard to come in. He hears alarms blaring in the distance and looks at the clock. It's 9:05 am, he can feel you on your way to him.
_________________________
The blaring of the alarms push you to run faster, entering the high security section of the hospital. The commotion from down the hall gets louder as you approach his room. You come to a halt as you see a stream of blood running down the hall, coming from beyond his door. A loud thud from inside his room breaks you from your trance,  you push open the door, seeing the bodies of guards surrounding his bed.   
“Hwa” you gasp, eyes trained on the battered bodies. “What did you do?” you breathe out, finally looking up at him. 
He looks up at you from across the room, eyes wide and bloodshot. 
“What did I do?” He laughs maniacally. “Y/N, This is your fault. I did this because of you.” he says as he begins to approach you. 
“THEY TRIED TO KEEP ME FROM YOU!” He yells. “You were supposed to take care of me. YOU PROMISED!” He traps you against the wall next to the door. “Isn’t that your job? Nurse me back to my right state of mind? Figure out what's wrong with me? But you didn’t do that. No,no, no you just made me fall in love with you, you made me want you! So don’t act like this is my fault.” he says as he lightly drags the knife across your throat.
“No ones going to keep me away from you, my love.” he whispers into your ear. He leans over and locks the door before looking back at you.
“Do you think I’m going to hurt you?”
“No.” you answer with full confidence.
He smiles at you, but it's not the same smile your Seonghwa gives you. You don’t know who this is. 
"I want my Hwa back, I don;t like you like this.”
“I am your Hwa, Baby. I did this for you Y/N. Don’t you see how much I love you?” he says, dropping the knife and kissing down your neck. 
“I know, Hwa.” you sigh heavily, feeling his cock hardening against your stomach. 
“Say you love me too. I know you do.”
Do you love him? Can you love someone who’d do this? The longer you stay quiet the more upset he gets. “It's ok baby. I’ll love you enough for the both of us.” he sighs. “One day you’ll realize how much you love me.”
He runs his hands down your body, squeezing your ass. He flips you around, pressing your chest to the wall. 
“I’m gonna fuck you so hard, Y/N. I’ll be all you think about for the rest of your life.”
He shoves your pants down and rips your panties off you, rubbing his fingers through you. “Fucking hell, you’re a filthy fucking liar. You do like me like this, look how wet you are.” he says bringing his soaking fingers in front of your face. Your breath quickens, seeing evidence of how wet you are.
“Just fuck me, Hwa.” you groan.
He pulls out his hard cock and rubs his tip through you. “I’ll make you mine, Y/N. You’ll let me cum in you right? Own this pussy”
“Yes, Hwa. Please.”
He lines himself up and slides in slowly, gripping your hips tightly at the sensation. 
“F-fuck, Baby. You feel so good, the best I’ve ever had.” he moans out. He fills you up completely, stretching you so painfully but not nicely. You savor the pain, it reminds you of  how taboo this is, how much you deserve to feel pain. Youre letting this psychopath fuck you in a room full of bodies, your colleagues blood on your body doing nothing but turning you on. You deserve to feel pain, but he turns that pain into pleasure with the first thrust. It’s like your pussy was made for him, you fit together perfectly. You can feel him in your stomach, so deep inside you, you can feel yourselves becoming one. He picks up his pace, thrusting into you harshly. 
“I’ve dreamt of this for so long. I’ve fucked my fist imagining it was this pussy. You couldn't even imagine all the nasty things I’d do to you, Bbay. I’d hurt you so bad but you’d love it, you’d beg me for more. B-beg me to make you mine.”
He pulls out quickly and flips you around, hiking you up the wall. You wrap your legs around his waist as he slides back in, fucking into you while staring into your eyes. 
“I need to see that pretty face when I breed you. I have everything planned out for us, Y/N. There's a beautiful house waiting for you, so many rooms to fill up with our beautiful babies. I know you’d be a great mother, my perfect little housewife.”
He picks up his pace, feeling you clenching around him, but desperate to come together. 
“I’d keep you full of my seed all the time, my love. You’d always feel me dripping out of you, I’d keep you nice and round with my babies for as long as I can. You want that don’t you? You wanna be my slutty little cum dump?”
You can barely answer him, let alone breathe. He’s hitting it so deep, you feel like your on another planet. You look down into his eyes and nod, mesmerized by his beautiful brown eyes. You’d let him do anything he wanted if it meant you felt like this forever. 
“Cum for me, my love. I’m going to fill you up so nicely, ok?”
You let go, clamping down on his cock and hearing his deep groan. His warm cum fills you up to the brim, leaking out of you, despite the vice-like grip your cunt has on him.
“So fucking tight and warm, baby” he blabbers, shallowly thrusting his seed back into you. He pulls you in for a kiss by your neck, claiming your mouth as his own. You pull back for air, giving him a blissed out smile. The words he so badly wants to hear hang on your tongue but you can’t give it to him yet. 
“I know, baby. You don’t have to say it, I already know.” he whispers against your lips and sets you down. 
He helps you fix your clothes and begins to pull you out of the hospital. As you see the chaos ensuing, the reality of the situation hits you. 
“Hwa, where are you taking me?”
“Hongjoong is outside we gotta go before the cops come.”
“Wait, what?” you pull back from him, stopping him in his tracks.
“Y/N, now's not the time.” he growls.
“Tell me what's going on.”
“You really think I was going to stay in this shit hole forever? Y/N, I’m not fucking crazy, I killed those people on purpose. The only reason I’m not rotting in jail is because I paid off the judge. I was planning my escape from the moment I got here but I only stayed this long because of you. So let's go.”
His words break you from your trance. This man is actually insane. You begin backing away from him but he gets visibly upset. “Y/N, don’t try this shit with me. You’re coming with me whether you like it or not.”
The dim lighting of the hallway and red lights from the alarms make him look sinister. For the first time you feel afraid of him. 
“I don’t want to go with you, Seonghwa.”
He looks at you blankly before grabbing you harshly. “
“I didn’t want to do it this way, Y/N. I wanted us to be happy, but if I have to force you to want me, so be it. He pulls out the sedative he took from one of the guards and pulls off the cap with his teeth. “You’ll be mine forever Y/N. That baby growing in your belly is proof enough.” 
He sticks the syringe into your neck, releasing the chemicals into your body. You feel the drugs immediately kick in, falling limp in his hold. 
“Hwa, please don’t.” you whimper.
He caresses your face with a pout. “Don’t worry, Baby. You’ll love me eventually, I’ll make sure of it.” 
He flashes you a wide, beautiful smile before everything fades to black.
1K notes · View notes
kitashousewife · 7 months
Text
“can you cancel my meeting for thursday?”
“sure, just let me-“ your eyes narrow at the laptop you had been typing on minutes earlier. “no, i can’t cancel that.”
sakusa pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs.
“what’s the point of having an assistant if you can’t manage my schedule?”
his dig is meaningless, and you know it. it’s been a few months as his assistant and despite your best efforts, he’s been a tough egg to crack. lately though, he’s been a bit better about letting his personality shine through.
which is both a blessing and a curse.
“sakusa-“
“kiyoomi,”
“okay kiyoomi,” you roll your eyes. “i can’t cancel that and you know it. it’s way too close and besides, it will be good for you!”
about a month or so, sakusa and a couple other members of MSBY got asked to attend a sponsorship dinner. this dinner was much larger than the others, hosting almost five hundred of japans best athletes. it was going to be huge. since the day it got added to his schedule, sakusa has been trying to get out of it.
“im starting to not feel good,” sakusa comments, fidgeting with his water bottle in front of his kitchen counter that you’ve set up at.
“really? not feeling good enough to go out with bokuto-san tonight then, right?”
he huffs. “no, it’s not that bad.”
“great! then you can come on thursday.”
sakusa gives you an irritated glare, then groans. he gets even more annoyed when you don’t respond to that, either.
he shuffles over to the couch, flopping down to mess around on his phone. a few minutes pass by before he decides to speak up again.
“what if i just don’t show up?”
“then you can say goodbye to any sponsorships in the future, is that what you want?”
you turn around on the bar stool and face him. he won’t meet your eye, pouting from the couch. on one hand you understand. crowds aren’t really his thing, neither is pointless socialization and rubbing elbows in behalf of faux-support and the hope of donations. but, this would be really great for him and the others invited. a chance to see other sponsors, get their face out there while getting a free meal out of it.
“how about we make a compromise?”
“unless it involves me not going, im not interested.”
you stand up, walking over to his place on the couch. he moves his long legs to let you sit down.
“you need a new suit for this, that the team is paying for,” you add before he has a second to open his mouth. “how about tomorrow, we pick up a new one, get some new shoes, stop by the restaurant you like, and i’ll cancel the rest of your meetings for the week.”
this piques his interest. it’s only monday and each day has at least two, maybe three stupid meetings at some point. this is of course in addition to the two personal training sessions, practices, scrimmage, and psychical therapy appointments scattered around. a week off would be a dream come true.
sakusa hums. “fine.”
you smile, getting up to return back to your seat and start working on making calls to cancel the various extra things going on.
“see, now we both get what we want. i’ll move everything around now.”
“what would i ever do without you,” sakusa sighs, voice sarcastic and dry. you laugh, not thinking twice about it, but he means every word.
now all he needs to worry about is getting his suit, and asking you to be his plus one.
2K notes · View notes
hausofneptune · 4 months
Text
"spicy" takes / unpopular opinions
[astro notes no. 002]
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IF IT DON’T APPLY LET IT FLY. everybody’s chart is different, if you have any aspects or placements mentioned in this post that don’t resonate with you, that means the energy didn’t manifest the way that i described due to other influences in your chart (or you being delusional, idk, you decide). also, when i speak on certain signs i'm referring to their archetype and the innate energy they express. just be mindful that there's a variety of ways these energies can manifest from person to person.
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y’all stay talking about how hard scorpios have it but y’all don’t talk about the struggles capricorns face. especially capricorn moons?? have y’all ever encountered a capricorn moon that wasn’t in therapy or didn’t desperately need it??? they be facing the most insane level of emotional distress and then turn around and pick up more shifts and start studying harder like that shit finna help lmfao
the discourse surrounding 8H synastry is... odd to me. i feel like some people (specifically the tumblr/tiktok girlies) are romanticizing trauma bonding. y’all can talk about how good the sex is all y’all want, but unless you and the person involved have a good amount of self-awareness and are spiritually evolved enough (especially if y'all have your own 8H placements in your own charts), i feel like you’re just setting yourself up to be in a “toxic” relationship with somebody. it could just be my aqua venus talking, but the whole “baring your soul” to someone and developing a possessive/jealous bond with them don't sound fun to me. i would rather perish.
everyone talks about how dramatic your saturn return is but why does no one bring up how traumatic your 12H profection years are? being 23 was literally one of the most unhinged experiences i’ve ever had 
i be tryna advocate for geminis because i know they’re just lil creative mercurial sponges and wanna have enough knowledge to see everything from every side… but why do some of them act like that? and you know what i mean. especially the more “unevolved” gemini placements, they be doing the most insane level of mental acrobatics and be contrarian just for the sake of being contrarian
i have to say this as an 8H moon, i understand what y’all mean when y’all say 8H, scorpio, and plutonian placements usually face a lot of vitriol from others for no reason, but honestly, some of y’all be using that as a justification for being paranoid and manipulative. operating from a place of pain, assuming that everybody is out to get you, and being hyper-vigilant of people’s intentions isn’t the type of behavior anyone should be trying to normalize. let that hurt go pookie <3
i feel like this has been spoken about before but i’ll never understand why water signs are constantly stereotyped as the emotional crybabies of the zodiac but fire signs aren’t? water signs can definitely be sensitive and existential but prominent fire placements will literally lose their mind over the smallest shit and then be cool 10 minutes later… yes i’m looking at you aries
speaking of aries, can we address the way that they’re literally the toddlers of the zodiac and very much so behave like it? idk as a pisces i have a soft spot for them, i love their childlike, carefree spirit, and the way they be throwing tantrums for fun tickles me 
this note doesn’t pertain particularly to signs/placements but astrology in general. i am begging y’all (specifically the people who are newer/beginners to astrology) to use traditional studies as a starting point and to stop taking notes from these tiktoks and tumblr posts. there are astrologers on these platforms who have done the work and studied (love y'all), but there are a plethora who haven’t. i saw a post the other day where somebody said squares/oppositions don’t indicate conflict in a chart and i felt like i was losing my damn mind. i definitely recommend the astrology podcast as a starting point for beginners, chris brennan is amazing and i still find myself re-listening to a lot of his content 
i talked to one of my mutuals the other day about this, but astrology is such an amazing tool, and y’all should use it for so much more than self-validation. y’all do not need to have a certain venus placement to be considered pretty. y'all do not need certain mercury or uranus placements to be considered intelligent/creative. y’all do not have to rely on [insert random asteroid here] to know what your future spouse is gonna look like, when/where y’all are gonna meet, how they’re gonna perceive you, etc. etc. etc. i understand the hype around shit like that is due to social conditioning/constructs, but there are so many more important, relevant things you can learn about yourself through astrology that don’t revolve around "aesthetics"
the girls are gonna hate me for this one, but i don’t understand the hype around lilith. and i say this as someone with a tight sextile between my sun and BML. there’s three versions of it, two of which don’t even technically exist, and then there’s a mean/true version that affects the accuracy. if anyone has more knowledge than me on the subject feel free to give me your input, because i feel like the insane amount of attention lilith gets has to do more with the whole “dark feminine archetype” trend that the tiktok/tumblr girlies love and less to do with its relevance from an astrology/astronomical lens (i feel this way about most asteroids honestly, but we’ll wake up that tea another time)
i don’t wanna get dragged so imma end this here, as always let me know if y’all have any aspects/placements mentioned and tell me how they manifest in your life/personality! and if you have any insight feel free to let me know as well. and don’t be messy. you will be blocked expeditiously. <3
click here to read part two!
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thisismeracing · 2 months
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Your time | LH44
― Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x singer!reader ― Warnings: mentions of cheating; lots of rumors about lewis being an a*hole; mentions of juliana nalu and shakira, but all fictional. ― Summary: A couple months after the biggest breakup in the F1 paddock, your song gets leaked and the internet uproars about your relationship again. This time they have more ammunition than ever to feed the narrative that Lewis Hamilton cheated on you. Are they right though? (based on this request).
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September, 2023
paddockgossip
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liked by ynfan, haileybieber, and others
paddockgossip how would you guys feel if your man goes out with another singer and looks this cozy while you’re out there on tour working your ass off? 👀
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sunshineyn you know shits real when her friend hailey likes the post…
⤷ pinterestyln I thought the same
leclercnation you guys forgot to add that yn and shakira aren’t friends, were never seem together, couldnt bother to talk about one another, yet this is the second time we see her around lewis this week…
randuser @ yourusername bestie come get your man!
schumakatchau this looks oddly like a double date
raintyres GUYS HIS HAND PLACEMENT!!! HES HOLDING SHAKIRAS WAIST 😭😭😭😭
tomdayastan my girl Yn doesn’t deserve this
evansnature are you guys really that surprised? He’s a man, I expect anything from a man
January, 2024
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February, 2024
f1wagsupdate
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liked by pierregasly, mbappeworld, and others
f1wagsupdate According to our sources Yn Yln and Lewis Hamilton broke up ealier this month. There is not an official reason yet, but most fans believe that cheating was the cause of the downfall of the four-years-long relationship.
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user44 is true love even real?
gomezracing I hate it in here
drugobitch what if its because of the cheating rumors?
⤷ rand32 but why would she wait weeks after it?
likedbypgasly and so it goes the best wag of the paddock :(
mclarenmason did you guys see that thread someone made about Yn's looks on the paddock and her cheering for lew, and them matching sometimes *sobs into my hands*
yourusername
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liked by roscoelovescoco, k.mbappe, and others
yourusername making music and enjoying some free time after touring 💞
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mbappeworld I wish Lewis and Kyllian weren’t friends bc I kinda ship him with Yn 😭
hailyebieber 😍😍😍😍
sza waiting for our collabbbbb! ❤️
⤷ ynfan the day these two write a song together is the day I’ll be stuck in my room crying for a week straight
ynnation She looks so relaxed, more than when she was with Lewis
hardtyres_ I wish I could be like this after being cheated on, when my ex did this to me I had to go to therapy for at least a year before going back on social media
⤷ agoradoja there’s no proof he cheated on her
⤷ winteryln sure, except for the hundreds of pics of him with singers and models 😍 but y’all taking it too serious, he was just friendly with them
⤷ agoradoja maybe he was just friendly, Lewis is famous, dare I say even more than Yn, so being friends with different famous people is part of his life.
⤷ bonoschumi I’ll have to agree with agoradoja, there’s nothing too incriminatinf, maybe we’re just trying to find a reason because we don’t accept that they fell out of love
⤷ leclercmcqueen she literally wrote “its just us against the world” for him, wdym they fell out of love????
bieberfantasy yeah but how about roscoe liking the post????? It's making me hopeful
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