Some people wouldn’t know good taste if it was spat into their mouths.
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y'all know margaritas are made from agave right
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You know... fuck right off
For someone who's such a freethinker you sure fucking like following whatever narrative your figureheads set for you
Just cause it's antiestablishment doesn't mean you aren't still just blindly following
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Why am I seeing so many fake posts on my dash? Like, there's ones from all sorts of made up realities, I'm surprised I haven't seen ones set in webcomics or whatever.
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♊️ twinarmageddons reblogged
♊️ twinarmageddons
all of you iidiiot2 need two 2hut up about computer2 unle22 you know what you're talkiing about. ii 2wear ii 2aw 2ome guy telliing people two pour water on theiir keyboard2 two clean them.
♉️ adiostoreador
uH,,,
iS THAT NOT HOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO, uH, dO IT,
♊️ twinarmageddons
oh my fuckiing god 2ome people are actual iidiiot2
#ii mean come on you actually beliieved that
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♑️ terminallycapricious
wAsSuP mOtHeRfUcKeRs???
#HoNk
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♌️ arseniccatnip reblogged
♌️ arseniccatnip
:33 < hiii!!!
:33 < my name is nepeta leijon, and this is my furst post!
:33 < i like shipping, and rolepurrlaying, and hunting
:33 < i have troll pawtism, so i might not be the best at understanding things. sorry if i get confused!
:33 < i also do art, and my commissions are open! purrlease don't ask me to draw trolls pailing, i'm only 6
:33 < bye! :33
♋️ carcinogeneticist
HOW STUPID DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO PUT YOUR FULL NAME IN YOUR PINNED POST.
DON'T YOU KNOW THE FIRST RULE OF GRUMBLR IS NEVER USE YOUR REAL NAME, YOU IDIOTIC EXCUSE FOR A PERSON.
♒️ caligulasaquarium Follow
wwhy is your text grey
♋️ carcinogeneticist
I DON'T KNOW, WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PRETENTIOUS ASSHOLE, FISH FACE.
🤡 i-say-honk Follow
hOnK!
♋️ carcinogeneticist
FUCK OFF, TC, WE ALL KNOW IT'S YOU.
THIS STUPID "GIMMICK BLOG" ISN'T EVEN FUNNY.
♌️ arseniccatnip
:33 < @carcinogeneticist @caligulasaquarium @i-say-honk kill yourselves
#:33 < :33
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♍️ grimauxiliatrix reblogged
♈️ apocalypsearisen Follow
im dead n0w
♍️ grimauxiliatrix
Mood
#Honestly I Cant Believe I Made It Through This Week Alone
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♋️ carcinogeneticist reblogged
👻 ectobiologist Follow
hi! how do i use this app?
♋️ carcinogeneticist
HUMAN ALERT.
@human-alarm
👤 human-alarm Follow
BEEP
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♋️ carcinogeneticist reblogged
♐️ centaurstesticle Follow
D -> The day we stop valuing horses is the day society collapses
♐️ centaurstesticle
D -> @cuttlefishculler Perhaps I do share some interests with the protagonist of the new popular movie starring Troll Ryan Gosling
D -> If anything that would be a compliment
D -> Not that that's something a f001 such as yourself would understand
♓️ cuttlefishculler Follow
)(-EY, I was just joking around. No need to start being c-rude!!! 380
♏️ arachnidsgrip Follow
Protagonist!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
What movie did you watch? 8ecause 8ar8ie is defin8ly the hero of the one I saw, hooves-for-8rains.
♈️ apocalypsearisen Follow
i liked the 0ne with the b0mb m0re
♒️ caligulasaquarium Follow
rustblood, opinion disregarded
♋️ carcinogeneticist
BLATANT HEMOPHOBIA ASSIDE, ARE WE JUST GOING TO IGNORE OP'S URL?
♊️ twinarmageddons
forget that, cc ii2 the ACTUAL HEIIRE22
♋️ carcinogeneticist
HOLY SHIT, WHO CARES.
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♏️ arachnidsgrip reblogged
♏️ arachnidsgrip
You know, I think the murders were good for me.
♎️ gallowscalibrator Follow
VR1SK4, YOU K1LL3D 31GHTY-31GHT P3OPL3.
♏️ arachnidsgrip
Yeah, 8ut I'm over it now. It doesn't effect me anymore.
#I've moved on.
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♉️ adiostoreador reblogged
💽 turntechgodhead Follow
man i cant believe troll steve jobs died of ligma
♉️ adiostoreador
wHO, uM, wHO'S TROLL STEVE JOBS?
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I cannot even begin to tell you how hollow it sounds when you cry and shit yourself over dead Palestinian children while a few days ago you were celebrating the deaths of innocent Israeli children and saying they deserved it, calling BABIES colonizers and cheering on the wholesale rape and kidnapping of women and children who have yet to be released. I guess childrens lives only matter so long as they aren’t Jewish.
Usually I wouldn't bother engaging with Zionists because it's not worth the energy but this is actually a great learning opportunity for other people to see exactly how the Zionist narrative works.
"I cannot even begin to tell you how hollow it sounds when you cry and shit yourself over dead Palestinian children"
Absolutely insane way to start off your message. Just pure dehumanisation of the nearly 3,000 children who have been murdered since October 7th, not to mention the 1,434 children who have been killed by Israeli forces from 2008 to October 6th 2023. I am not "crying and shitting myself" over dead children, I am mourning them. I am grieving for them and the lives they should have rightfully lived. I am aghast that thousands of children have been killed while the world watches.
"a few days ago you were celebrating the deaths of innocent Israeli children and saying they deserved it, calling BABIES colonizers and cheering on the wholesale rape and kidnapping of women and children who have yet to be released"
Show me exactly where I said anything even remotely close to this egregious statement. Every one of my posts about this situation has been tagged with #palestine, so it should be easy to prove your claims. I have never celebrated the death of an innocent child because I am not a complete fucking scumbag. I have never called a baby a coloniser because I am not stupid. I have never, ever cheered on the rape and kidnapping of women and children and it's disgusting that you'd even accuse me of doing so. These blatant lies are honestly shocking; why do you feel the need to put words in my mouth? Is it because your narrative falls apart without it? Or are you just projecting how you feel about Palestinians onto me?
"I guess childrens lives only matter so long as they aren’t Jewish."
What a pathetic attempt at moral posturing. And, of course, the classic Zionist move of accusing those who support Palestine of anti-Semitism. Never mind the fact that 500 Jewish protesters were arrested for calling for a ceasefire at the U.S. Congress last week, or the hundreds more, including rabbis, who were arrested just yesterday during another ceasefire demonstration. I get it — you're losing the PR war. It's hard to get away with supporting a genocide when there are millions of us bearing witness, so you've resorted to sending hysterical, vitriolic anons. I hope you realise no matter how desperately you try to paint this situation as anything but a one-sided massacre, nobody believes you. We will fight for a free Palestine and we will see a free Palestine.
من النهر إلى البحر
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I've been seeing just about all moments of GO S2 being put under a microscope and absolutely dissected frame by frame
And still I am yet to see anyone mention a moment that might be small in the grand scheme of things, perhaps not as character defining as many other that have been (rightfully) analyzed a thousand times over, but which was *so* important to me, and every single time I watch it I'm just filled with so many feelings and jhaghagha
(putting this under a read more to not spam y'all with a ginormous post clogging your dashes)
The moment in question is this (my apologies for the pics, I currently don't have a proper way to take screenshots of S2 and had to snap photos of my tv screen lol)
It's such a quick moment, a small blip in the entirety of episode 5, but let me tell you why it absolutely destroys my heart every single time.
First of all let's refresh our memory on Aziraphale's relationship with Heaven and Gabriel specifically, shall we?
The very first time we see Gabriel in S1, he surprises Aziraphale at a sushi restaurant. Aziraphale looks to his left, because that's the side where Crowley usually appears when approaching him, but instead of his boyfriend the familiar Demon, he sees the reflection of Gabriel at his other side, and he turns around with what reads to me as very much an "oh shit" expression.
In episode 2 we see Gabriel again, along with Sandalphon; they are flanking Aziraphale and leaving him no way to escape in what to me seems a blatant intimidation tactic, especially with Gabriel being all "hey you remember Sandalphon, right :)" and Aziraphale being like "Oh yeah, likes smiting and turning people into salt, I sure do! *nervous laugh". There's literally no reason for them to be acting like this if not to (un)subtly remind Aziraphale what his place is, and that he is NOT safe, not even in his bookshop.
Whenever we see Aziraphale in Heaven he is constantly standing ramrod straight, hands kept caged behind him, none of his usual mannerism to be seen. He always smiles like a hare being stared at by a hawk and the cinematography very much underlines that tenseness by both showing the impossible, cold and sterile expanse of Heaven in contrast to the camera being shoved right in the characters' face to make the viewer feel just as uncomfortable as Aziraphale is.
When Gabriel and Aziraphale speak in the park there's this moment after it looks like Gabriel is leaving, but he pops right back up in Aziraphale's space in an instant, causing the reaction we see in these screenshots. Aziraphale is clearly taken aback and tense, eyes widening which is like, fair considering Gabriel pretty much jump scared him, but that's rather the point, isn't it? Gabriel pretty much jump scared him. He didn't just turn around and jog back to Aziraphale to ask him about the sword, he purposefully moved himself up to him without any warning. Like sheesh, talk about terrifying bosses.
No Gabriel here, but just another example of how much Aziraphale does NOT like being in Heaven. When he gets discorporated and finally manages to stand up for himself, saying he refuses to fight a war, he still looks like *this*. Like he's one step away from just discorporating a second time and without an actual body out of sheer anxiety.
When all it's said and done at the Tadfield airbase and the four horsemen are gone, Gabriel and Beelzebub decide to go check what the heck is going on, at which point Aziraphale pretty much seems to be bracing himself, straightening his back, adjusting his clothes nervously and then holding his hand in front of him in a show of dignified quietness I definitely read as him doing his best to hide just how anxious he truly is.
Of course we don't see Aziraphale's reaction at being told to shut his stupid mouth and die already by Gabriel due to the body swap, and at this point is pretty safe to say Crowley has never shared with Aziraphale that little tidbit of information, but even not knowing the extent of the cruelty Gabriel showed toward him at the end, he still knows that Gabriel and, by extension, Heaven was more than willing and ready to murder him.
Even at the start of S2, when an amnesiac Gabriel arrives at the bookshop and then hugs him (awkwaaaard), Aziraphale looks like he's entirely frozen and unable to react to the improbability of what is happening, and when Gabriel asks him if he can go inside the bookshop Aziraphale's immediate reaction is to pretty much recoil with an immediate "No!".
Of course he is then forced to let him in because there's a naked man on his steps while the whole neighborhood is watching, and we get some many more little moments of Aziraphale anxiety emerging through his body language: The pacing, the way he sits ramrod straight in front of Gabriel, and him literally backing away multiple steps when Gabriel asks him "You know how it's like, when you don't know anything at all, and yet you're totally certain that everything will be better if you were just near one particular person?"
(Because of course Aziraphale knows how that feels, and that's exactly the same reason why he's been so scared of Heaven for-fucking-ever!)
(Also as an aside let me just bless Michael 'Acting Choices' Sheen for that smile that lasts a shard of a second after Gabriel asks that. You can pretty much see the word "CROWLEY" stamped in big bold letters on his forehead in that moment lmao)
(Also as an aside to the aside. Jon Hamm is just fantastic. Gabriel comes across as such an asshole in S1, but Amnesiac!Gabriel is a fucking cinnamon roll and he pulls it off so well ajahjahja)
Then of course we get the whole exchange about the 'something terrible' that sends Aziraphale into more anxious frenzy until another tiny, kinda overlooked moment hits us in the shins, in which Gabriel says "You're funny. I love you."
And like, can't blame anybody for not looking at that moment without much thought, I know that that sentence had me crying laughing multiple times on multiple rewatches, but also... God, you can see the way some of that fear instantly leaves Aziraphale, the way he relaxes ever so slightly and ??? Aziraphale??? Is that all you need to instantly start trusting someone who wanted you dead? Who treated you like shit for who knows how long?
(Why am I even asking this, of course that'd be enough, it's Aziraphale we're talking about, here.)
Then of course the rest of season 2, he and Crowley having a row about what to do with Gabriel with Aziraphale insisting that he needs them, as his friends, yada yada, we get back to the initial moment that sparked this post.
We get there, Aziraphale's (eldritch) Ball and the romantic moment he's been working himself up for ruined, murderous Demons at his steps putting both he and all the humans inside in peril, and all he would need to do to avoid any harm coming to them is to give Gabriel up, and...
"You came to me. I said I would protect you. And I will."
Not just the words, but the way Aziraphale says them; voice lowered and serious, that hint of hesitation and fear at the start that melts away into full blown confidence at the 'And I will'.
It isn't just Aziraphale being scared by Gabriel mentioning the 'something terrible' at the beginning, nor the brief moments of cryptic recollection that he witnesses Gabriel going through-- It's that Aziraphale sincerely accepted to protect him, and he wasn't going to give that up. He is a Guardian and a Principality, after all.
And like, I see this and how am I supposed not to get my heart utterly shattered by it? If Aziraphale had rejected Gabriel, or treated him unkindly in any way, I hardly doubt anybody would be hard pressed to say Aziraphale did not have the right to do so, not after the way he's been treated by Gabriel and Heaven his whole life. But he doesn't. He is kind to him, if a tad long-suffering at times. The protection he extended over Gabriel is utterly sincere and unwavering.
And ngggggggh I don't even know where I'm going with this. I just. Love Aziraphale so much. Stupid, clever, anxious, brave man-shaped thing that he is, recklessly throwing himself into the line of fire for somebody that, by any means, did not have any right to ask something of that magnitude from him. He is my scrungly, and by God am I ever so excited to see how everything will play out in season 3. I want him to fully grasp that bravery and raise absolute -metaphorical- hell with it. Shine bright, you crazy bastard.
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I don't normally like make requests from people if it's obvious I'm sorry for my awkwardness.
Anyway you were saying how you were really into Jordan li recently so am I and I've read every single fanfiction or every rant there is about them and I crave more. I have been in a angst/fluff mood and I haven't seen anyone do this idea either. I was thinking thinking maybe Jordan and reader gets into an argument (not really picky about what) and the argument gets really heated (you know how jordan shifts into their male form to Intimidate or get their point across) Jordan shifts into their male form which scares reader (I'm thinking reader doesn't have a good past with angry men) and reader backs away from them in fear Jordan notices and tries to comfort them but reader flinched when Jordan touches them. Reader then asks them to leave so they do but Jordan spends like a week trying to make the situation better.
(I would also like to put reader isn't scared of Jordan more so the action of the blatant Intimidation tactic they tried to use against reader. Reader is angry that jordan would try to scare them even if it wasn't on purpose it still hurt)
Jordan sorta just spends a week following reader around Like a lost puppy trying to treat reader like a absolute queen even if reader won't really acknowledge them until Jordan has an breakdown while drunk coming to readers dorm begging for forgiveness.
Again if its obvious I don't know how to make requests I'm sorry this has just been on my mind for so long.
A/N: this request is absolutely perfect, and exactly to my tastes. thank you for sending it, doll!
WORD COUNT: 4k+ under cut | hurt/comfort and angst/fluff
It’s hard sometimes, knowing when to push and when to just let Jordan be. Not at all a skill you learned over night. You’d gotten good at the push and pull of bringing them out of their shell back when the two of you had just been friends. Better at it than anyone else, at least. It was a slow process, but every second was worth it.
Now on the good days you don’t have to push at all. A hand on their arm. A coaxing smile or two. Any act of connection, no matter how small, enough to make them tell you what’s on their mind. Even if they scowl the entire time they let it out. It’s the letting it out at all that counts. Progress!
Today you miscalculated. It’s been a bad week. Jordan hadn’t dropped in the rankings, but their points took a small dip. They hadn’t been very active on their socials, busy doing work as Brink’s TA. But the point gap between where Jordan sits at #2 in the rankings, and where Andre sits at #3 is still a wide open chasm.
It’d take something truly disastrous to knock Jordan from the spot they’ve held for three years now. But the rankings are more important than anything to Jordan. No matter how gently you try to bring logic into the situation, Jordan gets irritated quickly, accusing you of not taking it seriously. You often wonder how that could be, considering you’re in the top eight yourself, but you bite your tongue and don’t bring it up.
The group had tried to go out for lunch. It was okay at first, everyone making an effort to ignore the storm cloud Jordan cast over the table as they picked at their food. Then Andre had made some type of stupid joke. Not even about the rankings, but enough to make Jordan snap at him. The situation escalated so quickly that Cate had threatened to take off her glove and make everyone shut up. You paid your portion of the bill and dragged Jordan out before anyone could start up again.
And now you’re here, somehow also on the shit list for not being supportive enough. As if being supportive isn't everything you do. Day in and day out.
“I can’t believe you’re taking his side. You don’t honestly think it was an innocent comment, do you?” Jordan snaps, standing up from your couch to pace the length of your dorm room.
“You know how Andre is. He gets sarcastic when he’s hungover, and he was packing a double whammy. He did coke and got drunk last night. He was just a little off. He wasn’t making a real dig at you.” You defend your friend, knowing Jordan will regret what she said at lunch once she’s calmed down.
“Oh, so we’re all just supposed to tiptoe around his highness? If he was gonna be a dick during the entire thing he should have just skipped coming out with us.” Jordan’s eyes narrow in on your expression, the sudden pursing to your lips and looking away. “What?” She snaps.
You take a deep breath at the tone, “Well, Jordie, if you want me to be honest Andre wasn’t the only one who wasn’t on their best behavior today.”
A beat of silence.
You look up and there goes Jordan rolling her shoulders back, eyebrows practically in her hairline and you sigh. You definitely should have brought up her attitude later.
“You really are taking his side!” She scoffs in disbelief.
“Nope. No, I am not, there are no sides. We’re all friends. Friends fight. I’m just trying to remind you that you actually are friends. You can’t just…” You trail off, uncertain.
“I can’t just what?” She throws up her hands, volume raising.
“You can’t act like this every time the rankings do something that isn’t spectacular for you. I know they mean a lot to you but you can’t take the numbers out on the people who care about you.”
“You just don’t get it-”
“But I do get it! We talk about it all the time. Your feelings are completely valid, the way you react to them isn’t. You’ve been giving Andre looks that could kill all week and he didn’t even do anything. If he was a little snappy at lunch, maybe he’s upset that his friend has been treating him like shit over something he barely cares about.”
“Well if I’m so-” Jordan shifts, pitch of his voice deepening, on the verge of yelling, “-fucking awful why don’t you go run to Andre and cry about it together?”
He only takes two steps towards the couch before you use your powers. It’s instinct, the way the forcefield bubbles up around you.
Whatever Jordan was going to say next shrivels up and dies on his tongue. The only sounds in the room are the quiet hum your powers make when you use them, and the scared, panicked gasp you make from inside the forcefield you put up to protect yourself from him.
There’s a second where the two of you just stare at each other. Both in shock.
“Baby-” Jordan tries taking another step forward, a small, barely there shuffle of his foot. His face falls when the forcefield gets a little louder, glows a little brighter.
Jordan looks close to tears. It’s that expression that pulls you out of the animal state of fear you’d fallen into. You look away from them. Take a few heaving breaths. Do your best to not mix up faces of the past with your present and future.
Your forcefield flickers out slowly. A concentrated effort.
“Fuck, Y/N, I’m… I’m sorry I didn’t mean to- I would never ever-'' Jordan shifts again. She rushes too fast into your space to kneel on the ground in front of you, her hands reaching for yours, desperate and clumsy.
When you flinch away, moving so you’re perched on the armrest of the couch, still trying to calm yourself down, she’s left with her hands grasping at air. “Baby, look at me. Please? Look at me, I’m sorry I yelled. I’m sorry that I… I’m sorry. I would never hurt you. I fucking swear I wasn’t-”
“I know, Jordan.” You shake your head, trying to stay calm. “Could you please….leave? I… I can’t calm down right now. I’m trying. I know you didn’t mean to… to scare me, but I need you to go.”
“Baby, wait, fuck. Fuck, wait! I’m sorry. Let’s just talk. I can’t leave you alone like this. I’m sorry.” She’s panicking now, throat feeling like it’s closing up.
She doesn’t try to reach for you again, but her hands feel like they’re burning from the effort it takes to keep them away from you. It’s instinct to hold you, to make it better, to pull you closer. She’s always been the place you run to when you’re scared, the shield you step behind when you need to feel safe. She doesn’t know what to do when you don’t even want to be near her.
“We’ll talk later. I’ll… I’ll have Cate come over so I’m not alone. Just.. leave.” Your voice breaks on a sob, and you’re begging her to leave, and that’s what makes Jordan head to the door, legs shaking. She’s never made you cry before.
She’s glued to her phone the rest of the day, waiting for you to call. You don’t.
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You’ve been best friends since you were freshman. You haven’t gone longer than two days without talking in all that time since. No matter how busy you are. No matter how shitty either of you feels. Jordan doesn’t know what to do with the hours of the day that you usually fill.
She breaks on the second day when you show up to class and move to sit by Luke on the other side of the room instead of with her. You don’t even look at her as you walk by.
Class doesn’t start for another five minutes. The teacher isn’t even here yet, and she’s always late. Jordan moves to get up, already feeling like she’s choking on all the words she needs to say to you to fix this, but is stopped by a firm grip around her wrist. She’s about to snap when she realizes it’s Cate, taking up your usual spot in the seat that isn’t up for grabs because it’s Your Seat.
“Don’t make the situation worse. She just wants to go to class. Don’t hound her, Jordan.”
“Hound her?” Jordan’s voice raises, incredulous. “She’s my girlfriend. I need to talk to her.”
“You need to apologize.” Cate bites. “Dick.”
“That’s what I was trying to do before you stopped me.” Jordan speaks through gritted teeth.
“How about you try apologizing after she’s done all her classes? That way, when you inevitably upset her, she doesn’t hole herself up in her room all day crying. And feel bad about missing class on top of it. You know… the way she spent all of yesterday?”
“She cried all day?” Jordan’s shoulders sag, voice getting smaller.
Cate softens, patting Jordan’s hand. “It’s not just about you, and you know that. Triggers like this really fuck with people. And she’s also pissed that she’s triggered in the first place. Let her cool off.”
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He makes it a few hours before he’s trailing after you.
He can tell by the tension in the line of your spine that you know he’s there. But you don’t outright tell him to get lost, so Jordan can’t stop himself from following you around. Even if you don’t want him there.
He sits across from you as you study in the library. Makes puppy dog eyes at you the entire time. He can’t be bothered to unpack his bag. It’d be useless to pretend he’ll do anything besides watching you.
Two hours in, he gets up and leaves, hating the way your shoulders relax as he turns to go.
He comes back twenty minutes later with your favorite foods and drink from the best local coffee shop. You don’t reach for any of it. He’s always loved how stubborn you are, how you stick to your ideas. Your principles. How steadfastly you make up your mind. Right now he’s just a little terrified of that same stubbornness. Remembers when you’d only been friends, that first year of peeling one another open, feeling each other out.
(“I’ll never do it, Jordan.” You’d whispered vehemently, drunk and mad and beautiful.
“Do what?”
“Be with anyone who tries to fucking cow me into submission. It’s fucked. I won’t do it. I’ve had enough of it.”
You’d passed the bottle you’d just had pressed to your lips and Jordan had tried not to think too hard about it, even when he tasted the remnants of your sticky, sweet lip gloss beneath the vodka.)
He doesn’t get up to leave again until you do.
Jordan walks you to your dorm, but trails a few steps behind you. He tried walking directly beside you at first, but your hands brushed together and the look you gave him was cold enough to freeze blood.
So-
-behind it is.
Jordan doesn’t get the chance to say goodnight before you slam the door in his face as loudly as possible.
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Jordan doesn’t push her luck by trying to walk you to your classes the next morning. She does wake up extra early to buy you the biggest bouquet of your favorite flowers she could find. She leaves them outside your door and goes to class, hoping you’ll at least acknowledge her, the next time you see her.
During your first shared class of the day you walk in holding the bouquet of flowers. Jordan perks up in her seat, holding her breath. You do finally look at her. You make direct eye contact as you throw the flowers into the trash can at the teacher’s desk.
Jordan does not break her pen in half when Andre whispers “yikes” under his breath.
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Two more days and Jordan feels like he’s going insane. He knows you feel worse. One glance at the carefully nonchalant expression you’ve worn all week tells him that. Putting on a mask is nothing for you. That look is the first thing you learned how to do in the top ten.
You’d never hidden the way you felt around him before. Not like this. His skin keeps buzzing with the urge to corner you. Jordan needs the two of you to talk about what happened. But he’s already walking the world’s thinnest line.
And he knows he can’t force you, if you’re not ready.
Another thing he knows: when you’re this upset you don’t clean. Simultaneously, when your room gets messy your depression gets worse. He skips one of your mutual classes of the day and lets himself into your dorm with the key you gave him during first year.
Jordan looks around, wincing at the chaos. You never let it get this bad. Not even during your most soul crushing finals. He starts by throwing away the trash. The tissues you wiped your tears with. The takeout containers. Pages of your notebooks you ripped out, carelessly thrown around the room. You take awful notes in class when you’re distracted. He hates that he’s distracting you.
He wipes down every surface with your favorite scented cleaner. Dusts your books. Sweeps and mops. Changes your sheets and grabs the brightest, happiest color comforter you have stashed in your closet to put on the bed. As he adjusts the pillows he thinks about how often you spend the night at each other’s dorms. Jordan wonders if you’ve been struggling to sleep like he has.
He hesitates, but goes to his room down the hall to grab his cologne. He spritzes it lightly over the bed and hopes you still find the way he smells comforting.
Next is your laundry. He starts up a few loads, irons and puts away the clothes that were sitting in a wrinkled heap on your couch. You’ve always hated doing your laundry.
He’s heading back to your room, a full laundry basket of clean clothes under each arm when you run into each other.
“Are those my clothes?” You ask, forgetting that you aren’t exactly speaking to him in your moment of confusion.
“Yeah… I’m… I was cleaning my room. Doing some stuff. Figured I’d do a few of your loads too, while I’m already at it.” He shoots for casualness, knows he fails miserably.
“You didn’t have to do that.” You say, words stiff and uncomfortable.
“I know I just…” Jordan shrugs, relieved to be standing within a few feet of you after days of silence, and feeling pathetic over how happy something so small makes him. “Why don’t you go get something to eat with Cate while I finish up here?”
“Finish up what?” You ask.
“I still gotta put these away.”
You sigh, wanting the conversation to end, “You don’t have to put my clothes away, Jordan. Or wash them. I’m quite capable of doing it myself.”
Jordan takes a step back when you make a reach for one of the baskets under his arms. “I know that! Just let me do it. Doing your laundry always pisses you off. I’ve got it.”
A battle of wills ignited. You, staring him down. Jordan, trying not to squirm. He wants to try apologizing again but doesn’t know if he’ll only make it worse.
“Please, baby? Go somewhere nice with Cate. My treat.” He puts down a laundry basket (behind him, so you can’t take it) to grab his phone from his pocket, and does something you can’t see.
When you hear the particular chime your banking app makes when you get a Zelle deposit you roll your eyes. You don’t bother checking your phone and seeing how much he sent. You know it’s too much. But if you say anything he’ll just say you and Cate have expensive tastes (which…true.)
“Maybe you can catch a movie too? I still gotta finish up with your bathroom.”
“Jordan.”
“Just,” Jordan shifts, putting down the other laundry basket and slowly reaching out to grab your hand with hers. She could almost cry when you let her touch you. “I know you’re fucking pissed at me. And I know you’re still too upset to talk about it. But…. fuck, please just let me take care of you. Please. I have to do something. I can’t just sit around, after I made you feel like this. It’s driving me nuts. I’m supposed to-”
You stop her, putting a hand on her cheek and sighing, “Okay, Jordan. I’ll go hang out with Cate while you finish.”
“Don’t ‘hang out’, go get dinner. You haven’t eaten all day.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I know you.” She says, sullen and staring up at you, playing with your fingers while you’re still letting her touch you, the first time in days.
“I’ll head to Cate’s.”
“Nah, head to Luke’s. They’re studying together right now.” Jordan takes a risk, stepping into your space slowly, giving you the time to move away. She leans in and kisses your cheek, gentle. When you don’t move away she can’t help herself, kisses the edge of your lips too.
You don’t kiss her back, but you give her hand a squeeze as you pull away. You stop halfway down the hall before you turn back to look at Jordan. “Call Cate and tell her she better not be fucking Luke by the time I get to his dorm.”
Jordan laughs. Your face is a little more relaxed as you turn away this time.
⬈⬊⬈⬊⬈⬊⬈⬊⬈⬊⬈⬊⬈⬊⬈⬊⬈⬊
On Friday the group goes out to the club. They chose one of your favorite haunts, hoping it would entice you enough to join. You still declined the invitation. Everyone knew you would. They still wanted to try.
You claimed you had a lot of work to catch up on.
“She hates me. She fucking hates me.” Jordan groans into his hands, already three drinks and two shots in.
“Well, let’s not panic.” Luke says.
“Or be dramatic.” Andre snorts, taking a shot of his own. “You two are obsessed with each other. Relax.”
“Relax?!” Jordan tenses, “My girl won’t fucking talk to me. How am I supposed to relax?”
“She talked to you yesterday.” Andre drawls.
“That wasn’t anything. We usually-”
“-Spend every free second of the day together? We know.” Luke teases. When Jordan doesn’t even smile he winces and slides him another shot.
“She’s not even that mad. She’s more upset than anything.” Cate says, cuddling into Luke’s side.
Jordan’s eyes follow the movement and he swallows at the distinct lack of your own weight leaning into him. You always get touchy when you’re tipsy. Climbing on top of him, clinging to him like glue. It’s his favorite part of nights out together. That and the playful booing you guys get from the group.
Andre cuts back in, “I’m serious, dude. Relax! You guys have been together for how long now-”
“Three years.”
“-yeah, exactly. Since the fucking building of the pyramids. You two will be fine. She knows you didn’t mean anything by it. One fight won’t kill you.”
“This wasn’t a fight, though. I fucked up! You didn’t see the look on her face. When she used her powers… I mean, fuck! You know? She was scared of me.”
“You know that’s not true, Jordan.” Luke protests.
Jordan runs his hands through his hair, ruining the carefully slicked back style.
“Let’s just get you another drink. Come on, dude.” Andre wraps an arm around Jordan, hauling him to his feet and pulling him towards the bar.
⬈⬊⬈⬊⬈⬊⬈⬊⬈⬊⬈⬊⬈⬊⬈⬊⬈⬊
You get woken up by the sound of knocking on your door. Loud knocking. You keep your eyes closed, hoping whoever it is will go away. You don’t even want to be awake. Let alone socializing.
The knocking gets louder. Exhausted, you drag yourself out of bed. You glance at your phone on the bedside table as you get up. It’s three in the morning. Now you’re exhausted and pissed.
You stomp over to the door, wrenching it open, prepared to cuss someone out. You deflate when you see who it is. “Oh, hey.”
Jordan is leaning heavily on the door frame, staring at you with watery, red eyes. She looks like the walking dead. “Baby. Fuck, did I wake you up? I thought you’d still be awake. You said you were pulling an all-nighter.”
“I was tired. Just wanted to sleep.” You shrug. “Where’s everyone else?”
“Still at the club, took an uber back. Too fucked up for anything else.” She mutters.
“That’s good, Jordan.” You say.
“You haven’t called me Jordan since freshman year. What happened to Jordie?” She sighs.
Your face softens. “Baby…”
“No, wait, just let me…” Jordan leans her forehead against the door-frame, closing her eyes tight. “I’m sorry. I fucked up big time. I’m sorry that when I get pissed I take it out on everyone around me. I’m sorry that I don’t fucking listen when you’re just trying to make me feel better. I’m sorry I yelled… I’m sorry I shift-”
“Whoa, hey.” You cut her off, shocked. “You shifting isn’t the problem, Jordan. Fuck, come inside, honey.” You say, taking her hand and pulling her inside.
You sit the two of you on the couch, clicking on the light so you can see each other. You move so you’re facing each other, pulling her hands into your lap. “First off let’s set one thing straight. You shifting is never the problem, okay?”
“You got so fucking scared.” Jordan looks away, hair falling into her face.
“Not of you.. Just the fucking… optics of it! I don’t ever want you to be something you’re not. And you’ve got the incredible gift of being able to be whatever you feel like being any time you want to.” You reach out and touch her cheek, guiding her to look at you, “I don’t want you to not do that. I wouldn’t ever want you not to do that, okay?”
“Okay.” She says. There’s a moment of silence, then Jordan shifts. He looks for any sign of fear or hesitation, holding his breath. When he doesn’t see any he relaxes. “But I scared you so bad you used your powers.”
“Yeah, that did happen.” You nod, caressing his cheek with your thumb, “Maybe it’s just a little scary when someone bigger and stronger than me starts yelling like that. Also, invulnerable. Let’s not forget that. Food for thought.”
He closes his eyes, “I’m an idiot.”
“For yelling at me? Yeah, just a little. Don’t yell at me like that no matter what form you’re in. That's always scary. Couples talk. They don’t yell. Most of the time. We can’t be the couple that does that.”
“I’ll never yell like that again. Either form. I promise.” Jordan says, “Can I hold you? It’s been a fucking week. I’m losing my mind.”
You laugh, climbing into his lap and Jordan sighs, wrapping his arms around you as tightly as he can. He tucks your head into his neck. “I missed you like fucking crazy.”
“Missed you too.” You sigh, “Stay the night?”
“You’re not leaving my sight for the next two months.” He laughs, pulling you closer.
“Only two months? That’s fucked up, I thought you missed me.” You tease.
“Shut up.” He scoffs, kissing the side of your head.
You snuggle closer, letting the tension of the week drift away.
“You yell at me like that again and your only hope is being invulnerable, actually. I’ll put you through a wall.” You kiss his shoulder cheerfully.
“I’d do it before you got the chance.”
You burst into laughter and he pulls your head away from his shoulder so he can see you the way you’re supposed to look around him. Happy. Content. He can’t stop himself from kissing you. You can’t stop yourself from kissing back.
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do you mind if i ask for a bimbo gn!reader who thinks they have an unrequited crush on vox all the while being oblivious of vox's own attempt at flirting, please?
Daft Dolls
All that training with Velvette about how not to just pace but run in high heels really did pay off. Not only was it a valuable tool to have in Hell of all places, it was also just pretty damn useful to know in general.
You weren’t running from loan sharks. No, you were running towards a specific hotel. You weren’t in trouble. Far from it. You were excited. You could not wait to see the look on his face.
The doors were slammed open as you barged in. You looked across the lobby of the hotel.
Vaguely you registered other people (a man dressed in red who just appeared out of thin air) but your eyes zoned in on the pink clad spider at the bar.
“The fuck you doing here, toots?”
“I got you out of work!”
Your voices overlapped. Angel Dust looked at you with a raised brow. “What?”
“I got you out of work,” you repeated as you walked towards him, the door closing behind you. “Well, not work but work work. You know, Valentino work. I know it’s not what you wanted but being on set with me is better than being on set with Valentino, right? At least, that’s what I was thinking ‘cause when I went to talk to him about it he was mad. Like mad mad. He threw bottle of rosé at me.”
“Are you okay?” Angel asked.
You batted his hands away from you. “I’m fine. It’s no big deal. He has shit aim anyway. He missed but with the help of Vox I was able to get you off of Val’s set and onto mine!”
Angel Dust just stared at you, absolutely silent.
As he processed what you said, a blonde woman came up beside you. “Um, hi, I’m Charlie. You’re one of Angel’s friends, I guess? It’s so nice to meet you.”
You took her outstretched hand (it was really soft) and shook it. “Nice to meet you too! Angel’s told me about you. I’m—“
“Vox helped you?” Angel asked, coming out of his stupor. “Like TV head Vox? Overlord Vox? That Vox? He helped you get me out of work?”
“Yeah,” you said shaking your head. “He was already up there with Val. I kind of just barged in. I wasn’t thinking. That was probably a stupid thing to do but you were on the news and then you were messaging me all freaked out about what Val was gonna do because you were on the news so I just kind of went up there to talk about it and anyway. Yeah, why?”
He downed the glass that was on the bar beside him. “You’re so oblivious sometimes,” he said.
“What?!”
He pointed a finger at you. “You call me at least once every two weeks and moan and groan about how—“
You clasped your hands over his mouth. “Can we not ta— Ew! Angel!” You yanked your hands back, now covered in his saliva. “Gross!”
He smirked at you and leaned in close, “Just making sure you’re prepared for that hand job he’s gonna get.”
You pushed his shoulder and he pushed you back. This led to you both lightly hitting each other with no real intent to harm one another.
That was until a different woman’s voice sounded through the room, “What the fuck is going on?”
The both of you stopped and turned towards her. Grey skin, white hair, orange eyes, she was gorgeous. You couldn’t help but say as much.
She looked completely thrown off by your blatant statement meanwhile Angel threw his head back with a laugh and Charlie looked over at her with a huge smile.
“Vaggie,” Charlie said in a sing-song voice.
“No,” the woman (Vaggie) immediately responded with. “Absolutely not.”
She turned around and started walking away. “Sorry,” Charlie said before moving to follow her. “But they’d be perfect for the Hotel!”
“No, we’re not having two Angel Dusts,” Vaggie said.
“But, Vaggie,” Charlie’s voice then grew too distant to hear.
Angel waited a moment but then he turned to you again. “You really got me out of work?” he asked, voice so close to sounding fragile.
“Course I did,” you told him. You grabbed his hand. “Your my friend, Angie.” You let go. “I need to go back though. I’m on my lunch break and it’s probably almost over. I just got so excited, I had to come tell you in person.”
Angel pulled you in for a hug and squeezed you with all six arms. “You’re the best, toots.”
“I know, I know,” you said. “Anyway, I gotta go. See ya!”
You blew Angle kissed as you walked backwards to the door. You spun around, prepared to open it when you saw the red clad man from before holding the door open for you.
“Oh, thanks.”
“Of course, my dear,” he said, a radio filter on his voice. “Please, allow me to walk you back. I’d love to thank our mutual friend in person for helping our other mutual friend.”
“You know Vox?”
“Yes, indeed I do, very well, in fact. I’m Alastor. Pleasure to meet you, my dear, quite a pleasure,” he said.
You gave him your name in turn.
The two of you walked together in silence. You did notice as the two of you walked, many people sprinted away which was odd, especially for you.
You were normally approached by people when you were out. They didn’t run away.
See, several years ago youd made a deal with Velvette. You were one of her models and she’d provide you with protection from Hell’s many dangers along with the occasional free clothes as a bonus. Time passed and you and Velvette actually ended up getting along fairly well. She’d put you in her streams, in her posts, she’d hang out with you outside of work. That’s when one day she heard you singing when she invited herself over. A couple days later, you were basically told you were going to make an album. The rest was history.
So, people running from instead of approaching you was different, weird, even strange.
You looked over at your company but he simply wore a smile. You could hear him humming actually, something upbeat and jazzy. You supposed if he wasn’t deterred you shouldn’t be either. Maybe it was just one of those off days in Hell, especially since it was so soon after the extermination.
Eventually you got to the three Vs’ tower. What you didn’t expect was for Vox to immediately teleport to the entryway.
His posture was straight which was normal but it seemed tense. If that wasn’t enough to tip you off the fact that he was still sparking was and his eye strobing definitely was. You followed his gaze to Alastor and found yourself suddenly very cautious of the man.
While Alastor didn’t seem that bad on the surface you’d known Vox longer. You trusted Vox. You more than trusted Vox actually but the point was you took a very lengthy step away from Alastor and toward’s Vox even if he was sparking.
“What marvelous company this one makes,” Alastor said, gesturing to you. “Wouldn’t you say, old friend?”
Vox took a step in front of you. “Get the FUCK out of my territory!” he said.
Alastor’s smile turned into something devious, something knowing, and something very unnerving. He gave a bow and then vanished into the shadows.
Vox placed a hand on your back and guided you inside. “Do not ever go around him again, understand?”
“Yes, sir,” you said. Not once in your half a decade in Hell had you ever seen Vox like this.
He sighed. His sparking calmed down and his eyes stopped strobing. “Sorry, just, um, I— he’s— it’s complicated. Just don’t associate with him.”
“Sorry, I was just going to that hotel Angie’s staying at. He insisted on walking me back, that’s all,” you explained.
“It’s— Wait, what? What hotel?”
“The Happy Hotel that Charlie Morningstar started. There was an ad for it on 666 today before Angel’s fight.”
Vox stopped. “Alastor’s back and he’s staying at a hotel run by Lucifer’s daughter?”
Prior to all of the things that happened two days after the extermination, Vox had already said (as what you assumed was a way to placate Valentino) that he would be personally in charge of directing your music video but it seemed like since Alastor he wasn’t letting you out of his sight. That was silly though.
He did come into your apartment in the tower though and just sat on your couch. That was normal though. Vox did that when he was stressed. He said your apartment was less noisy than staying with the other Vs. Whatever the case, you made him dinner last night.
Now it was the next day and Velvette was dolling you up as she was prone to do. She blended out your lipstick with her finger. Then she put a thick layer of lip gloss on top.
“Pout for me. Perfect. You look pretty, innocent, and fuckable,” she said.
She pulled you out of your chair and to the nearest full length mirror. She was right, as always. She’d given you a very soft blue makeup look for the most part with sharp eyeliner and bold pink and black lips. She had dressed you in a pastel pink cropped sweater, a matching miniskirt with a high pastel blue g-string, and tall white boots. She’d outdone herself but she always did.
She ushered you out of the dressing room after you both got done gawking at yourself and to the set. There you found Angel in a very similar get up but with the pinks and blues reversed.
“You ready to blow this shoot?” Angel asked,
“Wrong kind of shoot for a blow,” you told him.
He rolled his eyes with a smile. One hand of his went around your shoulders. The other went around the waist.
You both went to set and chatted while you waited for Vox to arrive.
It was only a few minutes before he was walking through the doors, a tray of three cups in his hands. He set it down on a nearby table. Velvette went to grab one but he cut her off, taking it instead. You caught sight of her offended expression before it morphed into a done but knowing look. One hand on her hip while the other plucked a different cup off the tray,
Vox turned, now two cup in hand. He caught sight of you and raised an eyebrow. Velvette doubled over laughing. You couldn’t help but wander why. It was too loud to hear what they were saying but it didn’t look like either of them had moved their lips.
Maybe one of Vox’s soundboard noises went off. That was known to happen occasionally but you couldn’t think of why.
You didn’t really get the chance to think of any reasons though as seconds later Vox was in front of you. He extended the hand holding the cup he’d taken from Velvette.
“You look nice,” he said.
“Thanks, Velvette’s work,” you explained, taking the cup from him. You hummed to yourself when you were met with your favorite drink.
“I’m sure that’s not all true,” he said.
You were too busy to notice how his eyes lingered on your face but Angel did. Throughout the next few weeks Angel noticed a lot.
He’d never really seen you and Vox interact before. He would just hear stories from you afterwards and holy fuck. You had to be dense to think this man wasn’t absolutely obsessed with you.
Vox brought you your favorite drink every single day. He complimented you every single day. He would correct and critique everyone else in a very detached way at best and frustrated way more often than not. But with you, he was calm, gentle almost. He took your ideas and incorporated them. He would go out of his way to physically correct your poses or guide you through specific motions. Once you mentioned off handedly that your feet were hurting and there was an early lunch break where he didn’t even eat, he massaged your feet for you.
When Angel brought this up, however, he was brushed off.
“He brought Velvette a drink too.” Yeah, one she complained tasted like piss.
“He does that all the time. It doesn’t mean anything.” Angel had never heard Vox compliment anyone in his nearly seventy years in Hell.
“He just knows me better, that’s all.” Not once had Angel ever seen Vox being even half as kind to Velvette or Valentino.
“I’m sure he does that with other people’s ideas.” Angel remembered being told multiple iterations of the same story with different people, all because they did something as small as suggest different shoes for someone to walk in because it was too loud.
“It’s probably just easier to do that than explain. He knows I’m used to being puppeted around by Vel.” He spent five minutes explaining to Angel what to do instead of just moving his four arms into position.
“Do you want me to give you a foot massage, Angie? All you have to do is ask.” Well, yes, but that wasn’t the point!
Angel watched as Vox laughed at something you said. “Fucking dumbass,” he muttered to himself as he grabbed a yogurt off the snack bar.
“I know, right?” Velvette said, scaring the shit out of him in the process. “You think this is bad? Ugh, imagine being surrounded by it all the time and Voxy’s just as bad and there’s no escaping him. I have to put up with his bitch ass whining all the time. It’s exhausting.”
Angel relaxed enough to lean against the wall. “Kind of makes you want to press them together like dolls and make them kiss, don’t it?” he asked.
“Yeah. . . Wait a minute! That’s it!” Velvette slapped Angel’s shoulder.
She whipped out her phone and started typing frantically. Her legs started kicking from where they dangled over the edge of the snack bar.
Angel peeled open the yogurt and tried to lean to have a look at what she was typing. She was too fast though and shut off her phone with a satisfied smirk.
Her eyes were glued to the pair of you. You pulled out your phone and saw a message from her. You looked over at her with furrowed brows. She just smiled at you manically. You shook your head but gave her a thumbs up.
When lunch break was supposed to be over, Velvette clapped her hands together loud enough it echoed through the room. “Listen up, sluts!” she said, taking control over the room.
You watched as she and Vox had a back and forth which ended with Vox confused on the set couch in a new outfit Velvette poofed on him. It wasn’t anything too far out of his usual style but it was a change. It was simple black slacks and a white button up shirt but the sleeves were rolled past his forearms and several of the buttons were undone. He looked. . . You were staring that’s for sure.
The music came on and you began lip singing. You put your hands on either side of his head. You threw your leg on the other side of his lap and straddled him. You moved your body up and down, not grinding on him due to not sitting on him but it was a close thing. Your face was right in front of his. You tried to hold eye contact with him but for some reason his eyes kept darting down.
“Fuck it,” he said under his breath.
Then an arm was wrapped around your hips forcing you down and a hand was in your hair guiding your head closer to his. Your lips met his and static filled your entire body. His tongue was caressing your mouth, making you feel like you had a mouth full of pop rocks.
You moaned when he flipped you so your back was pressed against the couch. He rolled his hips against yours and you could feel him through his pants.
“Fuck the music video,” he said against your lips. “How would you feel about filming a porno instead?”
“Mmm, kinky,” Angel said.
“I am so sending this to ‘Tino,” Velvette said.
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ordinary, corrupt human love. | chapter 2: you get me closer to god.
Summary: John is a manipulator, and she, is the new subject of his obsession.
Warnings: this chapter contains stalking, mentions of large age gap, graphic descriptions of violence, and manipulation.
read the warnings. john is not only a menace, he is evilllll.
Author’s note: and we are back, baby. today, in this chapter, you are going to be witnessing a LOT of fucked up shit from none other than john wick himself. my man’s been doing a lot, god bless his poor soul.
also may i remind you all that the reader here is naive! she is stupid! she is not the brightest! she’s just desperate for attention and affection, so her decisions are always stupid and all of that. (please do not hate her, she is trying her best.)
this took me a while to write because it’s long asf and also because you know me, i always struggle with the english language, but i hope i won’t disappoint you with this chapter!
thank you so much for waiting and continuing to support this fic! really, it gives me a lot of motivation to keep writing, and i really appreciate all your sweet comments and reblogs on my last post.
i hope you also enjoy this new chapter since we’re going to have another peak of what goes on in john’s dark, dark mind. (I PROMISE THE SEX SCENE WOULD BE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER.)
and again, this is not edited so all mistakes are on me! i really do apologize, english is not my first language.
Word count: 10.6k
also read on AO3
In this business, you’d see different kinds of reactions when a man walks into a room.
They all see themselves above everybody else. They think they’re better, deadlier, smarter. That’s the kind of mindset you need if you want to survive. How will you get out of being held at gunpoint when you’re a weakling?
When a man walks into a room, they’ll take a moment to stare.
On the outside, you’d think these people have a lot of respect for one another since they all work in the same circle anyway. But in real life, you’d see the blatant lack of respect these people truly have for each other, because they’ll stare and judge.
When John walks into a room, it’s a different story.
Fear.
John is not like any other man in business they think they could just judge and get away with it, no. John is well respected and feared. He could see it in their eyes when he pass by. The extreme discomfort and alarm to be in the same presence as him. Even if they try so hard to hide it, John sees right through them.
They view him as… something but human. He’s a killing machine. An attack dog. A monster, some would even say.
Back in the days, John wasn’t exactly fond of the names they’ve been giving him. When he was still new in the game, he didn’t like how he struck fear over these people because he wasn’t quite sure how to handle the power he truly has over them.
But now, something has shifted.
John is a free man. Not the kind of free when he was with Helen, but free nonetheless. Free because instead of getting alarmed with the fact that he’s feared all over this underworld, he’s taking advantage of it. Much to the higher ups dismay. They have been having a very hard time keeping up with his recent activities.
Growing up, it seemed like John got the worst sadistic discipline in Ruska Roma.
All of them did, don’t get him wrong. All of them suffered – blood, sweat and tears. They were all forced to go through extreme discipline, because it’s the crack of the whip that gets the rats going.
But John… John got the worst of it.
He used to take the fall for his fellow students. Fingers couldn’t count just how many times he was belted on the back for someone else’s mistake. The amount of times he was starved, denied of any kind of food or water, and that’s how it’s always been.
John has always been denied for the things he wanted. The things he needed.
Now, he is not greedy. He’s not just going to take everything in his way like a kid that got away from its parents’ grip, because he doesn’t want a lot of things. John already has a house, a dog companion, enough money to last forever.
John already has everything except her.
His most happy moments couldn’t compete with the hot curl within his guts that he feels every time his mind flashes back to that night. That night when she gave in, when she gave herself away to him – willingly.
John didn’t need to give her a little push to finally get her. She practically offered herself to him, bared her neck and John’s itching to take a bite. To finally make her his once and for all, but really, he doesn’t need to do that to know that she’s his.
Like he said, he’s not going to force himself into her life. He’s going to be welcomed. By the looks of it, it seems like it wouldn’t be such a hard thing to do after all. Not when she’s already giving up information about herself to John through texts – she’s practically making it easy for him to get her.
So naive. Doesn’t got a fucking clue in the world.
Mine. Mine. Mine. Fucking mine –
John looks at his phone, reading the messages both of them sent each other the night before, and there it is again. The itch in his hands, the need to possess.
13.06.15 11:46 PM
Bambi: hello! this is Y/N from the club the other night
13.06.15 11:46 PM
Bambi: also that Y/N who returned your super expensive looking coin hehe ;) i hope you didn’t forget about me!
John changed her name on his phone. He changed it to something more… intimate. More sweet.
13.06.15 11:48 PM
John : I could never.
13.06.15 11:48 PM
John : You’re hard to forget.
He remembers – no, saw – how she responded. With a smile on her face, hopeful.
13.06.15 11:49 PM
Bambi : using my words against me, i see :D
13.06.15 11:49 PM
Bambi : good to know you’re still as slick as the last time we chatted haha
13.06.15 11:49 PM
John : Hard not to. I wanted to impress you.
13.06.15 11:50 PM
Bambi : you already did.
13.06.15 11:50 PM
Bambi : with all your brooding and intimidating look. just my type ;D
John smiles to himself as he reads the message. He remembers the look on her face when she’s typing, and hasn't got a clue that the man she’s flirting with was observing her just from across her building. John wouldn’t call it invading her privacy, he calls it keeping her safe.
13.06.15 11:50 PM
Bambi : anywho i asked for your number for a reason. i really do want to talk to you again. not just in chat, i mean, but also in real life :)
13.06.15 11:50 PM
Bambi : maybe we could get to know each other more? what do you say??? meet up again, but this time planned unlike our other previous meetups?? haha
He is not a teenager to be feeling this giddy over reading messages, but she truly brings out something shameful in him.
13.06.15 11:51 PM
John : I should be the one asking you that.
13.06.15 11:51 PM
Bambi : you were taking too looonggg :(
13.06.15 11:51 PM
Bambi : so what do ya think?
13.06.15 11:52 PM
John : Of course I’ll go. I told you I’d make time for you, didn’t I?
13.06.15 11:52 PM
John : I’m a man of my word.
13.06.15 11:52 PM
Bambi : ok that’s great! i was so worried you wouldn’t say yes.
John had averted his eyes from the phone that night and onto the little lady across the building. She was rolling around on her bed, still dressed in her pink, fluffy robe and her hair was still wet. She looks like a puppy that John wanted to pet; stroke her hair and tell her she’s his good girl.
13.06.15 11:52 PM
John : When do you want to meet?
13.06.15 11:53 PM
Bambi : aahhhhh let’s see
13.06.15 11:53 PM
Bambi : i have classes tomorrow morning BUTTT we can def meet up during lunch! i get out of school at like 12 and go to work at 3 :D
I know, John wanted to say. I’ve memorized your everyday schedule in the span of two days.
13.06.15 11:53 PM
John : How about I pick you up from your school, we grab lunch, and I drop you off to work?
13.06.15 11:53 PM
John : Or is it too soon?
13.06.15 11:53 PM
Bambi : oh my god no way REALLY?
13.06.15 11:53 PM
Bambi : nooo it’s not too soon don’t worry! you def could so we have more time to talk and everything! i just hope i won’t be bothering you or anything.
13.06.15 11:53 PM
Bambi : do you have work tomorrow? you look like a 9 to 5 kinda guy :P
God, she’s fucking adorable.
13.06.15 11:54 PM
John : I don’t, so you don’t have to worry. I’d love to talk to you more as well.
13.06.15 11:54 PM
Bambi : ok! i cannot wait for tomorrow. i should probably sleep now tho so i wouldn’t look shitty when you see me :D
13.06.15 11:54 PM
Bambi : here is the address of my school. [Address]
13.06.15 11:54 PM
Bambi : can’t wait to see you tomorrow, john! goodnight, see you soon! x
13.06.15 11:55 PM
John : Goodnight, sweet girl. Have a good sleep.
John hadn’t meant to type that. He felt his heart drop to his stomach, terrified that he somehow scared her away with the sudden affection. But then he saw her read his message, dropped her phone on the bed, and then rolled over again like a lap dog.
She’s too easy to tame, so gullible. John almost couldn’t believe how fast she folded, how desperate she really is. But then again, he could say the same about himself. Lonely and desperate, they were meant to be together. He likes to believe God had put them in this position because of fate, because he has a plan for every single one of us.
John’s never been the one to believe in Him, but he finds himself grasping to that very little delusion that keeps him from going insane.
*
11:55 AM, the students are already making their way out of their designated buildings.
John is keeping his guard on high alert, eyes scanning the crowd to find her. He’s parked just across the school gate, leaning against his car as he checks the time on his wrist. He’s also holding his phone in the other, waiting for it to vibrate in case she drops a message.
He’s never felt this giddy before. Hands clammy and eyes searching frantically, excited because he’s finally getting to spend alone time with her, but also worried in fear of losing her in the crowd. John doesn’t like it when he doesn’t have the upper hand. When he doesn’t have control of the situation. When she’s not in his line of vision and could be doing god knows what without his supervision.
He checks his phone again. 11:58, where is she?
John knows at this time, she should be out and about already, waiting for a cab to her apartment. His fingers itch, hovering over the screen of his phone. He begins contemplating if he should send a message, but that would make him look demanding and clingy. He doesn’t want to leave that kind of impression on her, or otherwise he’d have no choice but to abduct her and keep her locked away if she thinks about running –
He blinks, sucking in deep breath.
“Shit,” he whispers, looking up to the school gate again. This isn’t good. What the fuck was he even thinking?
John tries not to think about it. Tries to convince himself that he is not as fucked up as his mind is making him out to be. He wouldn’t stoop that low, he’s not that cruel –
Are you not?
A certain someone appears in the crowd, standing outside the school gate, already spotting John and waving at him from across the road. Her face is bright, smiling wide. John never wanted to possess something so bad.
He waves back, all his dark thoughts suddenly gone, and everything is rainbows and sunshine. John watches as she crosses the road carefully, looking left and right, seeming small with the people around her. She looks like a lost puppy.
John wants to pet.
“John, hey!” she beams, running up to him to give him a hug which catches John off guard. She’s on her tiptoes just to wrap her arms around his broad shoulders, and John doesn’t want to make her upset for not immediately reacting with her affection, and so he puts his arm around her waist and bends down to place his chin on her shoulder.
He fights the urge to bury his nose in her neck, then maybe sucks a few hickeys, leaving a bite mark to show that the big, bad wolf has already marked his mate.
She’s so fucking easy to get, John thinks.
When she pulls away from the hug, John tries not to look disappointed. Her cologne lingers in his nose. “Sorry. Force of habit.”
“You don’t ever need to say sorry for that,” John says, faux stern as he places a hand on her waist subtly. She looks like she doesn’t mind, that’s a good thing.
“Okay then,” she smiles politely. “Oh, and I’m sorry if I look like a mess. Just say the words and I would totally change to more appropriate clothes before we go somewhere.”
“You look beautiful,” John says smoothly, standing up straight. Even though she looks underdressed next to John who’s wearing a three-piece suit, she is still heart-wrenchingly beautiful. In fact, John likes the contrast.
“T-thanks.”
“Should we go?”
“Sure! I’m excited,” she giggles, the sound practically dancing in his ear. “I’m hungry. Where will we eat?”
“Hm, what do you like?” he asks.
“Dunno. Burger and milkshake.”
“Sounds unhealthy.”
“The only thing I can afford, unfortunately,” she jokes, though John doesn’t answer, only opening the car door for her. “We should eat in a diner. I know a good one! Also cheap, so you won’t have to worry about the price.”
“I never worry about the price, darling,” John murmurs, but still loud enough for her to hear as she gets inside the vehicle. He swiftly walks to the driver’s seat and starts the car, glancing at his little bambi who’s observing the interior intensely. “You like it?”
“It’s so cool. I’ve never been in a car like this.”
“You’re going to have a lot of firsts when you’re with me.”
As John starts driving, the girl beside him babbles. Not that he minds, of course. He listens and nods, so obsessed with her voice that he could listen to it forever. It’s amazing how John could easily hide the fact that he was just stalking her from across her apartment the night before in the back of his mind, like it never even happened. It’s amazing how he could act like he wasn’t just thinking about kidnapping her and locking her away from the public forever.
But then again, everything about his little bambi would make anyone risk it all for her. It’s not just John. Anyone would do the same if they were in his shoes.
“How was school?” John asks, averting his eyes from the road for a moment to look at her.
“Eh, it was alright. Classes always drain me, no wonder I’m so hungry now,” she answers politely. One of the few things John noticed about her. How she doesn’t run out of things to say, how she can get the conversation going. “How about you? You going to work after our lunch? You’re dressed up for it.”
“I took the day off today,” he replies vaguely.
“What? Why?”
“I have a date with you.”
She seems to be shocked by John’s choice of words, but she’s more concerned with the fact that John took the day off for her. “Y-yeah, but you didn’t have to do that. We could just go on a date next time.”
“The sooner, the better,” he explains, feeling another surge of something hot into his veins. She agreed that this is a date. Just how fucking gullible can she get? “Work is no problem for me. I want to get to know you more.”
“O-okay. I wanna get to know you more too.”
When John catches a glimpse of her bright smile beaming at him, his hands tighten around the wheel and he steps on the gas harder.
*
John doesn’t like how his mind isn’t making him remember about Helen.
He should be remembering her. He should feel some kind of guilt for being in a restaurant with another woman, but he doesn’t. Every single day since she died, his mind would always make him think about her. But now, it’s like John completely forgot about her existence at all.
The wedding ring on his finger is long gone. Ever since his unhealthy obsession began, he thought that wearing that while doing something so sinful felt so wrong. Helen shouldn’t have to witness all the things he had done in the name of a girl he had only met once that time.
The diner isn’t packed with people. The sizzling of the burgers grilling on the pan and the chatters seem to drown out eventually when his little bambi starts talking.
John gives her a small smile, barely there, just to show her that he’s listening, all his attention is on her.
“Time seems to pass by so fast, huh? I remember when I bumped into you the first time, I really thought I wouldn’t see you again,” she starts the conversation with a bang, but thankfully John’s prepared for this type of talk.
“So you really wanted to see me then?” he smirks slightly.
“Yeah! You’re really good looking and it’s not always I see a guy as handsome as you in my apartment complex and my school,” she says bluntly, though John could see the faint blush on her cheeks when she mentions the word ‘good looking.’ “So of course I had to take my chance when I met you again at that club! God, you were my knight in shining armor. I would’ve been crushed to death if it wasn’t for you.”
“That’s why you should always be careful on the road. You’re small, everyone could look past you if you weren’t careful enough.”
She pouts, placing her chin on her hand as she stares lovingly at John. “You’re exaggerating. I’m not small. You’re just saying that because you’re too big. And I’m always careful on the road – it was only that time that I lost balance and almost fell.”
“Then it better not happen again,” John says sharply, leaning back against the cushioned seat as he stares back at her challengingly. “But there’s no need to worry for the next time. I won’t let that happen again.”
“Next time?” she teases. “So you want to see me again next time, then?”
“Have I not made it clear with my actions and words?” John shoots back, raising another eyebrow. She likes it when he’s being stern like this. All authoritative. She might not know it yet, but her body language speaks for itself. “Do you want to see me again?”
The little bambi smiles brightly, and It hurts. It hurts John to see that smile because she’s just like the sun. But no matter how much she shines, John would do anything just to touch. Just to possess. Just to break.
“Of course! I wouldn’t have gotten your number if I didn’t, right?”
“Good.”
It’s not like she could do much anyways if she says no. Nothing will ever stop John from seeing her again, no matter how bad the procedure would be.
The food then arrives and is served on the table, and John thinks he has never felt anything like this before.
His hands have never felt this itchy before. That desperate, longing feeling to just possess the very thing that’s placed right in front of you. Everything about her is just so captivating, staring up at John like he’s the one who hung the moon, so full of adoration and hope.
Seems like John isn’t the only desperate one between the two of them. He could see it in her eyes. She’s practically begging him to take care of her.
And really, he can’t blame her.
An absent mother and an alcoholic father. No wonder she’s seeking attention from a man like John. A man old enough to be her father – if not older than her own father. John would be more than willing to fulfill the role her father failed to be when she was young. He’d do anything to protect her, morals be damned.
She looks too good to be true sitting right in front of him and he didn’t think watching someone devour a burger twice as big as her face would be so endearing. The way she licks her lips, the way her eyes sparkle every time John would pay attention to the little things she’d absentmindedly insert in her stories. No one must’ve given her this kind of attention before. No one but John.
“Oh, before I forget!” She places a hand on John’s arm that’s perched on the table. A mere innocent touch, yet he can’t help but feel a little giddy on the inside. “We’ve been talking for like, an hour now, and I still haven’t asked what your job is. I’ve been really curious ever since you told me you took a day off just for this. Are you like the boss or something?”
Ah. Of course.
A question like this is inevitable, thank god John came prepared.
“No,” he simply says. “I’m a book binder. I collect and restore books as both a hobby and job.”
“Wow,” she nods her head, now interested as she leans forward and closer to him. She smells so sweet, John feels like he’s snorting sugar. “I didn’t think book binding could earn you so much money. Considering you’re dressed pretty… comfortably. And you have a nice car.”
“It pays enough,” John replies. Sooner or later she’d find out what he really does for a living, and no doubt she’d be scared. John already has a plan of action for when that would happen, but for now, he’ll try to keep it a secret as long as he can. “Pays enough to let me spoil you in the future. In fact, I think I might just start spoiling you now.”
“You say that to every woman you meet?” She quirks an eyebrow, teasing.
“Just for you. You’re special.”
John sees the way she immediately turns shy and nervous from the statement. It must’ve felt overwhelming, having someone so much older and with more experience to hit on her like that. But John would say it brings a whole different feeling in him, like ego-lifting of some sort, knowing he just might be the only man that treated her right in her life.
Does killing one of her guy friends and storing him in his basement means treating her right? Does stalking her and watching her sleep from across the building is a way to treat her right? Different story to be told for another day.
“I believe you,” she says, smiling.
Of course you do.
John diverts her attention from him. “You’re a veterinary student and also part time in a veterinary clinic. What made you want to pursue it?”
“Uh, let’s see. I don’t really have like, a very logical reason for it. I just really love animals and I want them to be part of my job as well,” she shrugs. “As for the part time thing, one of my older friends works there and got me in to gain some experience. I don’t really do much, I help with the paperworks and watch how they do stuff around there.”
I know.
“Your unconditional love for animals is logical enough.”
“I know right. Best job in the world, I might add. I get to pet all kinds of different animals everyday, and mind you I’m not even a real doctor yet,” she giggles, then tilts her head in curiosity. “Do you have a pet, John?”
“I do. I have a dog,” he answers, taking a sip of his own milkshake. It’s sweet, it’s something he’s not used to, but it reminds him of her. “Unfortunately, I haven’t named her yet.”
She frowns. “Why not?”
“I don’t know how to. I’m not good with names,” John shrugs. This conversation with her alone just might be the longest conversation he’s ever shared with someone ever since Helen died. And even with his late wife, he wasn’t as talkative as this. “Maybe you could name her. She’s a large pitbull but surprisingly very gentle for her size.”
“Oh my god, John, I have to meet her!” She beams. “Maybe on our next date, don’t you think? Let’s bring her with us to the park, have a little picnic there or something.”
Next date.
She wants to go on another date with him and she is making this a lot easier for John.
His lips stretch into a rare smile, fingers twitching subtly around the glass as he stares right into her eyes. There’s no hidden intention behind them, just pure adoration with a twinge of hope. Probably hopes that John wants the same thing as her, but he wouldn’t let her know that she is in for a lot more than she bargained for.
“I can’t wait for our next one.”
*
John could still remember the little things that made him feel human.
Back in the Marines, when he first killed somebody, he felt a tremendous amount of guilt and self-hating that he couldn’t sleep for a week. He’d have nightmares of it; of holding his gun up to somebody’s head and blowing it up with just one single movement. The residue of the flesh splattered all over his face, some of them even went to his mouth. His hands shaked but he didn’t let his crew see it. In their eyes, that wasn’t the first time he had done it.
When he was recruited by Viggo and his little minions, the guilt of killing people was still there, but barely. He used to wish he didn’t feel any guilt or remorse at all every time he pulled a trigger, but looking back at it now, he wishes he could just take it all back. It was only guilt that he felt most of his life, but it made John human.
Now, he doesn’t feel very human as he stands in the middle of an abattoir holding a machete with pints of blood pooling at his shoes.
Back then, he used to kill. Point, shoot, leave. A very short routine he told himself to stick with unless he wanted to get in trouble. But now, he is not only just killing. John is fucking slaughtering people.
His eyes land on the dead body hanging from the meat hook. Naked, gutted alive just a few moments ago. His stomach is sliced open with his own intestines wrapped around his neck, and it fucking stinks.
The raw stench of human blood mixing with the already reeking smell of the slaughtered pigs hanging just besides the one John had slaughtered himself.
Really, John should feel even just a little amount of remorse or disgust. His client didn’t particularly gave him a specific order on how to fucking kill the target, John did it himself. He didn’t know what the fuck was he thinking when he was doing the wet work, all he knows is that he’s getting worse each day that passes.
The killing part took some time considering the man certainly put up a fight. He was smuggling drugs inside the pigs he was slaughtering. It works on people too, though it’s too risky. Dying with balloons of cocaine up your throat or ass isn’t exactly the way you’d want to die, nor the kind of state you want your body to be in.
John really didn’t mean to go this far, but all the pent up anger and frustration led him to do something so ugly. He feels like a ticking bomb. Every second a little part of humanity just starts fading away, who knows what would happen if all of it were gone.
This is his first kill since his date with his bambi. That was five days ago. John decided to take another job while he’s waiting for her next decision. He doesn’t want to look clingy and creepy by constantly texting her every chance he gets, so he lets her do it in her own phase. Though, waiting for her texts sure did take a lot of rampant rage on John’s side. Lots of broken furniture and a creepy amount of hours watching her sleep from across the building.
Just because John is letting her do her own thing for the meantime, doesn’t mean he gets to take his eyes off of her. It’s for the best.
Their last conversation was yesterday. It was a pretty long conversation, but not long enough for John’s satisfaction. She left it off by saying she’s going to be busy studying for her test and cleaning her apartment, which John didn’t have the time to check if she was telling the truth since he was busy himself.
John is dying to see her again but he knows he’s gonna have to wait it out in the Continental. Or maybe if he’s feeling a little bit insane, he’d ditch having to rest and spend his time sitting on a dusty chair in the same dusty room he’s been staying in for awhile; the building across from her apartment. But until then he’ll have to see where time will take him.
His phone ringing in his jacket is what snaps him from his thoughts. Bringing a bloodied hand to get it, he almost couldn’t press the screen by the slippery liquid covering his fingers. John presses the phone to his ear, waiting for the person to speak.
“Hey, boss. How’s Russia treating you so far? Hopefully not great ‘cause I’ve got some news that will cheer you up.” The deep voice of Alex echoes in the abattoir. It must’ve slipped John’s mind that he had sent Alex again to tail her again while he’s out overseas.
He furrows his brows, curious. “How is she?”
“Hm, let’s see here. Your little pet has been up and about all day with her little friends after they’ve finally noticed the disappearance of that little shit we took care of a while back – speaking of which, how is he by the way?”
“Rotting. Dissolving in my basement,” John replies, hands tightening around the handle of the machete. So this is what she’s been doing and the reason why she hasn’t messaged him all day. “I say the fucker got what he deserved. He’s a creep who preys on women to rape, I’m just thankful we got him out of the way before he got to her.”
“Yeah, well. She doesn’t know that and I doubt she’d even stop looking for her creepy friend unless they’ve found him. What do you want me to do?”
“Give it a day or two. Wait for me to get back and I’ll take it from there.”
“Anything else?” John hears loud chattering in the background, he furrows his brows.
“Yeah. Where are you right now?”
“Uhh, keeping her in my sight like you told me to?” Alex sounds particularly sassy. John doesn’t know if he should be pleased or not. “She’s at a restaurant. I think she’s having a meeting with her other friends or something – she looks upset.”
“Upset because of her missing friend, I assume.”
“Probably. Have you talked to her at all today, boss? Pretty sure I have not yet seen her pick up her phone all day.”
“No,” John simply says. “But she will. I’m sure of it.”
“I see you’ve finally gotten her dependent on you now.”
“Not enough, apparently, since she’s gone a full day without talking to me.”
“Well, you’re definitely getting there,” Alex says under his breath. “I’m going now, boss. They’re leaving to god knows where.”
John doesn’t say anything else, only ending the call and pocketing back his phone. He looks around the area, the coppery smell of blood is stronger than before. He is the reason why it stinks in here, the reason why there’s so much blood and brutality. The body that hangs right in front of him is lifelessly staring with dead, cold eyes. John resists the urge to shove a balloon of fucking cocaine into his stomach, the same thing he’s been doing with these pigs, brutalize him more if that’s even possible, but he knows it wouldn’t help his already worsening mentality.
The thought of someone seeing this body and thinking about how fucked up the person who did this doesn’t concern him as much as it should.
Instead, John turns his heels and walks away from the scene.
*
Unsurprisingly, getting her to depend on John isn’t the hardest task to do.
It just might be the easiest.
The moment John arrives at the Continental, he takes his time to message his bambi. It’s only reasonable, he wouldn’t come out as a clingy creep since it’s been a full day since his last message, he has every right to know what and how she’s doing despite already getting enough pictures and updates from Alex.
He asks her how she’s been, waits for approximately ten minutes before he finally gets a reply. In those ten minutes, John takes his time scrolling through the pictures Alex had sent him. Pictures of her bundled up in large, colorful sweaters and wearing a frown on her pretty face. She looks rough, but she makes looking rough look good.
Bambi : hi, john :(( sorry i didn’t text you all day. was busy with something
John : That’s alright, I understand. I’m just glad you replied. Did something come up? Was it about school?
Bambi : kind of. my friend from school is missing and we don’t know where he is. we’re worried because he hasn’t answered any of our calls for a week and his apartment is practically empty.
Reading that almost makes him resist an urge to sickly smile to himself. His fingers hover the screen, careful of what his next words might be.
John : I’m sorry to hear that. Have you gotten any updates from the police? What did they say?
Bambi : nothing yet unfortunately. no one saw him the night he went missing :(
John : I’m sure you’ll find him soon enough. I hope nothing extremely bad happened to your friend.
He sounds… manipulating. There aren’t any more words that could describe what John is doing to her. He doesn’t even know if he can still make up excuses to tell himself that everything is completely fine and normal.
The girl that he likes is currently sharing about the horrifying tragedy her ‘friend’ is facing, the horrifying tragedy being John’s fault, and he’s fucking lying about it. And what truly terrifies him the most is not about the fact that he’s manipulating her, he’s terrified because it feels normal and just… fine.
Normal, normal, normal–
Can John really win her over by going this path? If not, would it really matter?
He will still have the upper hand if this doesn’t end well. But then again, there’s a very small chance that it wouldn’t – if not none at all. John just needs to play his cards well and there wouldn’t be a problem.
Bambi : thank you john. really hope that too. it doesn’t feel the same without him
John’s jaw ticks.
What do you mean it doesn’t feel the same without that fucker? I killed him for you! He was a creep who only wanted to fuck you and take you away from me and–
A dangerous feeling suddenly surge into his veins that he wants to put back together all the pieces of that fucker just to destroy it in his hands once again.
Maybe mutilating him and dissolving him in pure acid just isn’t enough. Maybe he deserved more. Maybe John should’ve took his fucking time torturing that little shit instead of killing him instantly.
John : And how are you? I hope you’re not too worried about this matter that you start to forget about taking care of yourself.
Bambi : i’m doing fine, but a bit sad bc of it. i also miss you and i wish u’re here so i wouldn’t be too sad
And just like that, it’s like all his resentment and rage just one minute prior vanished in a snap of a finger. A small smile makes its way to his face and a surge of ego soars into his chest. She has no idea she’s got a dangerous assassin wrapped around her finger and the consequences it’d bring her.
Bambi : are u still overseas? when will you be back?
John : Tomorrow, hopefully.
John : And I miss you too, sweetheart. I promise I’ll be back as soon as I finish work.
Bambi : can’t wait to see you. do u want me to pick u up at the airport? :D
John : Thank you, baby, but that won’t be necessary. I don’t want to keep you busy when you already have too much in your hands.
Bambi : mkay. but call me or text me when u arrive, ok?
John : Of course.
*
John is not stupid.
If he ever noticed a man following his every step, he didn’t once care or say a word.
It’s one of Winston’s men, obviously, following him around throughout his business in Russia up to boarding the same plane as him back to New York. Considering John had managed to catch on pretty quickly at the fact that Winston sent someone to trail him, this poor guy is not doing a particularly good job.
At first, John thought about taking care of the guy himself and bringing Winston a souvenir of his dog’s fingers or even one of his eyeballs, but decided that he is not that cruel.
He could be, but knowing he holds all the power over several people under The Table makes John wants to play the game a little longer and just fucking shiver in excitement.
Obviously Winston had noticed that John is up to no good. Not that it’s any of his business, he’s more likely just scared for his own life. He’s probably thinking it was a bad idea to bring John back into the game now that he’s living up to the horrors of his reputation and giving people exactly what they wanted.
When John first returned to the field, it was only to avenge his late wife and nothing more. But now that a bigger monster has grown within him over the course of his stay, he’s now also looking for the fuel to his fire.
And boy did he find it.
The fuel being in the form of a young woman who’s unaware of how much power she has over John. It’s only a matter of time before all hell breaks loose.
*
10:56 PM.
“Hello.”
“Hello? John?”
“It’s me, darling. How are you?”
“Doing fine. Studying for my exam and all. Why are you calling at this hour, though?”
“Just wanted to let you know that I just arrived back in New York and see how you’re doing.”
“Oh, John, it’s so late. I was thinking earlier that you would arrive tomorrow morning or afternoon, you didn’t tell me you boarded a flight.”
“I wanted to be back as soon as possible and wanted to surprise you, but my flight got delayed so I only just arrived now.”
A soft laugh rings in his ear.
“You’re so cheeky. We can just meet up tomorrow if you’d like, go on a picnic at a park or something. I really, really wanna meet your dog.”
John hears a sigh, then the sound of paper rustling in the background. He counts – one, two, three – here it comes.
“I miss you, John.”
He pushes the curtain aside with two fingers, peering his eyes in the small opening as he watches the figure at the other side of the building. She’s sitting on her study desk in front of a laptop, freshly showered and wearing specs that John can’t help his heart to ache.
It’s been so long.
“I miss you too, sweetheart. Couldn’t stop thinking about you when I was away.”
“That’s very sweet. I hope you brought souvenirs for me, though, or otherwise I will be very sad.”
“How can I forget? I bought everything that reminded me of you when I was there.”
“Now you’re just spoiling me.” Another laugh, then John sees her getting up from the chair and laying on the bed. “I’m happy that I’d get to see you again tomorrow, John. Everything that’s been happening is just so… I don’t know. Stressful, I guess. From my friend missing and school work, I don’t even know where to start. I just wanna be with you again.”
The mention of her friend Jay ticks him the wrong way, but he can’t also help but notice the longing and desperation laced in her voice as she said the last part. John knows it wouldn’t be too hard for her to be dependent on him, he just didn’t expect it to be this easy. They’ve only met once in real life, but their constant texting and calling through the phone makes it up for it.
“Don’t let yourself worry too much on matters that don’t concern you.”
Silence, then John watches her bite her nail anxiously. “What do you mean by that, John?”
He doesn’t particularly like the way his name just rolls off her tongue like that – like she’s his age, the same way Helen used to call him. He doesn’t want to be reminded of Helen when he’s with his little bambi, it just makes him feel even shittier with the situation. It sorta reminds John how much he truly changed when he lost Helen.
“Don’t worry about your friend too much. I know it’s hard that he’s missing, but don’t put him first before your own well being,” John advises, manipulation just dripping off his tongue like it’s the easiest thing in the world. He doubts she would notice, though. “I’m sure the police got it covered by now. I’m more worried about you.”
John could still see her expression through the window despite being far away. She’s thinking about it, letting herself get swayed by his lies and persuasion. She’s too easy, she just doesn’t know it herself, but John does. And he’s going to take advantage of it as much as he can.
He counts again – one, two, three – and she’s dropping her hand to the bed and sighing softly. There she is.
“Okay. You’re probably right, I worry too much.”
John doesn’t reply but gives a silent hum that indicates he’s agreeing. He sees her taking off her glasses and putting it on the bedside table, suddenly the itch in his hands is back.
There’s a voice nagging at the back of his head and asking him just what the fuck is he doing, that he should stop this madness before it gets out of hand, but would that really make a difference? Even if John did stop, he’d still continue to live with the fact that he was a monster who stalked a young woman out of sheer obsession. He’d already got her dependent on him, he’d already laid out the plan on how this would turn out, why is he suddenly questioning now?
He had done stuff that was worse than manipulating. He didn’t feel a single drop of empathy when he was slaughtering people and shooting them in the head, but why does he feel guilty manipulating her?
“John? Did you already fall asleep on me?”
Soft voice snaps him out of his thoughts, then it’s followed by a soft giggle. John feels butterflies exploding in his stomach.
“Sorry. I was just–”
“It’s okay, John, you can sleep. You’ve probably had a long day since you’ve been on a flight and everything. I’m going to sleep now too, we have a date tomorrow, remember? Don’t forget.” The faux strictness in her voice makes him smile, then he sees her smiling just as big through the window; giddy and excited. “Goodnight, John. It’s really nice talking to you again. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”
“Goodnight, darling. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She hangs up first, smiling to herself before putting the phone back to her nightstand. She settles on the bed comfortably, tucking herself into her blanket, unaware of the fact that there’s a monster lurking on the other building, watching her every move like a hawk.
He catches a glimpse of himself in the old mirror on the dusty wall, dressed in black and predatory, reminiscent of the devil himself.
Might as well live up to the name.
*
John is aware of how dead he looks in people’s eyes. He barely smiles, he’s always dressed in black, and he always has trouble showing emotions through his face. He makes sure that he gives off that aura that shows how much he dislikes everyone in the fucking room. How much he just wants to pull out his gun and shoot every single one of them in the head.
John despises the way they look at him. Like they pity him for losing his wife, for getting dragged back to the life he had already left. Though, he can’t really blame them, really. He used to pity himself too, even now for letting himself get even worse, but he wouldn’t really call it pity. He doesn’t know what it is, but it’s not pity.
The next day is interesting, to say the least.
He couldn’t get a minute of sleep the night before, the image of her sleeping so peacefully without a worry in the world bored into his mind. It’s extremely fascinating to him just how careless and… dumb she is. Dumb in a way that it’s benifiting John – the both of them, actually – and not in an offensive kind of way.
It was around two in the morning when he returned back to the hotel, managed to sleep for an hour or two before ripping off the blankets and had a drink the first thing in the morning. John didn’t bother taking a nap after that, just walking around the room making sure all is well and everything will be according to plan.
At 8 AM, she texted John a good morning and said it would be better for their date to be at 4 PM. John then replied that it was perfect, though he doubts he can wait that long.
12 PM, for a man as calm and collected as John, he sure as hell can’t fucking sit still in one place.
He’s paranoid. No amount of texts from his bambi is enough to keep him calm. The time is ticking too slowly for his liking and he has no other things to do in his free time. Except be paranoid.
John grabs his coat, kisses his dog goodbye and decides to stop by a grocery store to prepare for their date. He should at least make them both a sandwich and buy drinks, knowing that the little gesture would be enough to put a smile on her face.
1 PM, John comes back with shit ton of paper bags in his arms. He’s doing too much, he knows it, but too much is still better than not enough.
John goes to the kitchen to prepare. The orphanage taught him how to cook – well, not really. John taught himself how to cook, because if he’s not going to cook for himself and half of the kids back in Ruska, they’d all be dead with no survival instincts to save them from starvation. Being an assassin who could withstand any form of torture all while not knowing how to cook would be the greatest joke of the century. John’s not the one to be laughed out.
2 PM, everything is settled and in place, his little bambi texts him to let him know that she’s getting ready and cannot wait for their date. John then takes his time to get ready too.
3 PM, John is dressed in a nice white t-shirt with a brown leather jacket on top. He looks civilised, no one would know a damn thing that he’s one of the most feared men in the underworld who slaughters people for a living.
His dog is quiet in the corner, chewing on her bone toy until John puts a collar and leash around her neck. Her eyes perks up in excitement, already knowing they would go outside to play. John always takes his time making sure she gets to socialize with other dogs, whether it’s in a park or just down the street.
“You’re excited, baby?” John murmurs, petting her ears softly as he kneels down to her position. “You’re gonna meet someone special. Want you to be nice to her, alright? She’s gonna be your mom.”
John hauls everything into his car in a matter of minutes. The picnic basket, the blanket, his gifts for his little one that he got from Russia, also including his dog. She’s behaved yet excited as she peeks in the mirror watching her owner work.
He slides into the driver’s seat and locks his seatbelt, starting up the car and driving away from the hotel. Earlier, John had seen a couple of his co-workers loading up his trunk dressed like he’s going on a date – because he is – no doubt they’re snitching and would tell Winston. He couldn’t care less.
He arrives outside her apartment after thirty minutes, parking his car right by the entrance. He can’t help but grimace as he looks around the place. He remembers meeting her here, the day after he killed that good-for-nothing junkie. He wonders if she ever got the news, how she reacted when someone got killed the same day John was visiting her area.
It won’t be long before she wouldn’t be living in this area no more. It’s too dangerous, filled with a bunch of goons who get themselves tangled up in petty gang wars. John knows a gangster when he sees one, and it looks like every single man who lives in these crowded apartments are either pushers or gangsters with no sense of direction in life.
She doesn’t belong here. She should be in John’s house, locked up and isolated where she’s safe under his supervision. He would treat her like a princess, give her the things she deserve.
John gets out of the car, pulls out his phone and sends her a message to let her know he’s outside her building. He leans against the car as he waits.
A minute passes and a very happy bambi appears in the elevator, dressed in a pretty sundress and a white tote bag with a text John can’t see. She’s beaming up at him as she exits the building, and John hasn’t got the time to react before she’s lunging herself forward and going on tiptoe to wrap her arms around his neck.
“Whoa easy,” John murmurs, immediately wrapping his arms around her waist for support, placing his face in the crook of her neck and inhaling her scent; it’s sweet, not a surprise. “You miss me that much?”
“So much, you don’t even wanna know,” she murmurs in his chest, not quite reaching his neck despite being on her tiptoes. “I hope you miss me just as much.”
John pulls away, gives her a look as he places her large hands on her hips. “I might’ve missed you more than you missed me.”
She giggles, John could see her eyes through the heart-shaped sunglasses she’s wearing. It’s cute. “That’s not possible, I will fight you for it.”
“Hm,” John hums, eyes wandering down her lips to her dress. It stops just above her knees, John has to mentally prepare himself for the worst. “You look beautiful.”
“Thank you,” she says sheepishly. “You like it? I think it’s the perfect picnic outfit.”
“I love it,” John clarifies. “Looks perfect on you.”
“You look gorgeous yourself,” she giggles, eyeing John up and down teasingly, catching her bottom lip between her teeth. He isn’t so sure how to react to that, hopefully his dick wouldn’t take the liberty to rise from the dead at this moment. “This is the first time I’ve seen you not wearing any suits. Domestic looks good on you.”
“What can I say, I’m a changed man.” John means both good and bad. “And before we go, I want to introduce you to someone.”
Before she gets a chance to ask, John slides out of the way from his position of covering the car window and reveals a very happy pitbull waiting to be introduced to her mother.
Her smile is wide when she spots John’s pet excitedly wagging her tail inside the car. “Oh my god, she is beautiful! John, open the door, hurry, hurry, hurry–”
“Okay, okay–”
The moment John pulls the door open, the dog comes rushing out to jump and starts licking her face.
“Oh, lookie here, baby! You’re such a cutie! What’s your name, hm? Don’t got a name yet? Your dad can’t think of a name to give ya’?”
Her giggles are like music to his ears.
The sound of paws pattering on the concrete and her high pitched voice talking to the dog fills the empty street in a matter of seconds. When she isn’t looking, John begins looking around the area, his eyes landing on the apartment building where he preys at some nights.
There’s a person at the front desk, staring at him like he knows something, and like a switch that goes off in his brain, John recognizes this man as the same one who bumped into him a few nights ago in the hallway in front of the abandoned room where he’s staying.
They meet eyes, John flashes him a knowing look, then the man immediately looks away.
John’s jaw ticks. He’s gonna have to deal with that later.
He turns his attention back to where it’s most needed. She’s still playing with the dog, crouching beside the car while the puppy just drowns in her affection. John really hates to break the moment.
“Shall we get going?” He interjects, voice deeper than usual, still feeling a little on the edge from that man by the front desk earlier.
“Sure. She gonna be in the backseat?”
“You bet.”
John opens the door for the both of them and lets her help the puppy get inside. Before he slams the door close, he makes sure to take another look at the apartment, seeing the man already staring back at him.
Yeah. He’s really gonna have to deal with that later.
*
They arrive at the park around 4:25 and John is the one to set up their spot while she and the puppy play in the empty field. It’s empty, totally empty, and John couldn’t be more thankful than that since he really doesn’t want to be around other people besides her. She’s the only one that matters.
John notices that she brought her own dog toys, probably the ones she keeps to herself since she does work in a vet clinic after all. The sight of her happily running around the grass with his dog is enough to bring him to his knees, he is only but a man.
John calls her to eat and the two of them come running towards him and plops down on the soft blanket next to the basket full of fruits.
“Had fun?” John speaks, sitting beside her on the ground as he watches her get a plate of pasta for the two of them. She insists she gets to plate their food, John lets her.
“Very. Didn’t know she’s quite energetic, luckily for her I can match her energy extremely well.”
“It comes with being young, I guess. Can’t really relate,” he jokes, receiving the plate full of pasta she gives him while she snickers at the statement.
“Come on, John. You’re still fit despite being old.” John watches her take a bite of the food. He’s not subtle, he’s straight up staring at her lips as she wraps her mouth around the fork, savoring the flavor with closed eyes. “Hm, this is delicious. Where did you learn to cook like this?”
“By myself,” he shrugs, taking a bite of his food to keep him from taking a bite of her instead. “I’m surprised you aren’t creeped out.”
“With what?”
“With my age,” John makes it clear. “You’re young with a bright future ahead of you–”
“Yet here I am having a date with an old man?” she interjects, wiggles her eyebrows, teasing clearly with the way she emphasizes the last part. “I can’t believe you thought I’m gonna get creeped out. You’re a grown man with a stable job and not to mention very hot, I find that very sexy.”
“You think I’m sexy?” he raises a brow.
“Yes, I think you’re very sexy. I haven’t once encountered a guy my age who has the same status as you,” she sets down the plate on her lap for a moment. “You know, experienced and mature.”
“I see,” John nods. It’s very clear that she’s always found the people who contrast her so well attractive. She wants a savior that would save her from everything, luckily John fits in the description quite too well.
They delve in a normal conversation after that. John makes sure to steer away all questions regarding him and his life, a way to learn more about her other than the pictures and videos and information he’d been sent by Alex.
John already knows a lot about her, it wouldn’t hurt to learn a little more.
Ten minutes go by, a bottle of wine has been pulled out of the basket and she’s spilling her whole life to John in a matter of moments. From lttle memories from childhood to how she moved from her hometown to New York to get away from her father. How when she was younger, she begged her toys to talk to her and she wouldn’t tell anyone. How their family pet back in the days impacted the choices she made to choose her career path – to become a veterinarian.
John listens. He’s always been good at listening instead of talking, so he listens.
5 PM, the two of them play with the dog and she decides to name her “Blue.”
“Is it because she has blue eyes?” John asks.
“Yeah. Not really original, I know, but it fits her.”
“Blue is perfect.”
It’s already 6 PM when they decide to head home. She’s still talking the moment they’re in the car and John is still listening. There’s something about her voice that just… pulls him in. It’s so sweet and soft.
When they arrive outside her apartment complex, it’s dead silent.
“I really enjoyed our date today, John,” she smiles when he opens the door for her, now standing in front of him and looking up to meet his eyes. “The pasta was delicious. I hope I get to eat more of them in the future – and oh, I really, really enjoyed playing with Blue! I’m so thankful that you let me name her even though it wasn’t really special–”
“Hush,” John jokingly interrupts. “The night might be over, but I can assure you that I will see you soon again.”
“How soon would that be again?”
“Eager to see me already?”
“Maybe.”
“You know I always make time for you, sweetheart,” John croons, placing a large hand on her chin and staring deeply into her eyes. “Is it too early for me to kiss you?”
She laughs, then wraps her arms around his waist to pull him in closer. John looks at her and falls in love for what to be a millionth time today. She never fails to take his breath away. “Not too early, I promise you. You should’ve done that sooner.”
“Well, I’m gonna do it now.”
Before she can add another word, John leans down to smash his lips against hers, his large hand finding its way on the small of her back to deepen the kiss that she can’t help but whimper into his mouth.
Fuck.
Her lips are so, so soft. John can still taste the lingering sweetness of the wine from earlier and being so close to her that her scent is shutting off his entire brain. If he won’t stop, he might just end up fucking her on the hood of his car until she can’t walk straight.
Their lips move in tandem and she’s following his head like she always does. Her small hands are gripping his leather jacket for support, so pliant and vulnerable, already trusting him enough to kiss him on their second date.
This is a sudden shift in his universe, John knows he’s already won.
He’s the first to pull away and their lips are wet and connected with saliva. She’s flushed and out of breath like expected, John wants nothing more but to break her and make her his.
Oh wait, she already is.
“How was that?” John asks, voice deep.
“I wanna do it again.”
He chuckles, rubbing his thumb on her cheeks while she’s busy avoiding his eyes. “Let’s save it for next time.”
He’s gonna control himself.
“That next time better come by fast,” she threatens jokingly. “I’m gonna miss you.”
“Don’t talk like you’re not gonna see me for days, baby,” John whispers. “You know I won’t let you go that easily. You’re mine now.”
He doesn’t miss the way her pupils dilated and the way the clutch she has on his leather jackets becomes tighter. She’s already fallen deep into his trap, John wants to push his claws in even deeper.
“Say it again,” she mutters, leaning in against his warm large hand as she closes her eyes. “Say it again. Please.”
John smiles when she isn’t looking. He really won.
“You’re mine.”
*
That same night, 4 AM, John is back in his work clothes and arranging something in a dark room.
The stench of metallic blood hitting his nose, and he stands in the middle of the room to inhale that scent – god, does he truly miss it.
The sight of a man in front of him wakes something dangerous within John’s veins. Hands tied up behind the chair, head dropped forward, lifeless and cold. His lower stomach is open, guts hanging off the floor as the other half is used to gag him in the mouth. His eyes are missing, John took the liberty to take them out for staring at him too much, and he couldn’t be any more relieved when he did.
“What do you know?” John had asked as soon as the man woke up from his head concussion.
“Y-You!” The man had yelled, John didn’t bother finding out his name. “You fucking creep –”
John’s hands twitched beside him. He remained silent.
The man went on a rant about how he’d seen John around lurking outside the apartment complex and using the abandoned room on the fifth floor and that’s all John needed to know.
He didn’t need another pair of eyes to tell him what’s right and wrong. Winston is already enough.
The next morning, John receives a text from none other than his bambi. A picture of numerous police cars outside her apartment and an ambulance, and another picture of a dead body covered in white blanket getting pulled out of the building.
Bambi : there was an accident that happened near me, john :((
Bambi : the police said somebody was killed and i’m scared
Bambi : they said he was gutted alive
John is smiling to himself when he types his response.
John : What kind of a sick person would do something like that?
He is not a sick person. He’s just in love.
Taglist: aerangi starrgir1 heluvsvalefr danika1994 fraisejoon doggodorime ohmytate
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Too Sweet - Modern!Aegon Targaryen ii x reader
AN: Hello my beautiful people! I hope you enjoy this story. It started as a little love note to the song "Too Sweet" by Hozier because I feel it's very Aegon coded. It then became kind of an amalgamation of a few different stories. My own story and journey with alcoholism and recovery played a big part in this, and as I wrote it parts of my feelings about my older brother, who is in active addiction, came into play. Please know that this is not everyone's story. Recovery from addiction looks different for most everyone. I truly overcame my addiction through building community and connections. I know many people who have to work a program to succeed. I know a person who actually did get a degree after a near lifetime of addiction and now he does a lot of things to help our local community in treating addiction. So really, this is a love letter to people like me and my brother. There is hope and I believe in every one of you.
Link to the TED Talk mentioned.
TW: blatant talks of alcoholism and substance abuse, talks of rehab, family issues, abusive family subtext yet never explicitly stated, gonna say it's kinda angsty, FLUFF
Pairings: Aegon Targaryen ii x reader
Word count: almost 3k
The soft pads of her feet made barely any noise as she walked into his bedroom, carrying a mug in each hand and wearing nothing but his MCR tee-shirt. Technically, they should both be in a deep sleep by now. It was fast approaching four in the morning and neither of them had bothered to close their eyes once. It was all he could to not hold her close in bed and stare at her captivating beauty.
When Aegon first saw her, weeks ago, he was stunned. It was the first time he had gone to the new bar right down the road from his apartment and it just so happened it was karaoke night. He had been tempted to turn around when he heard a horrendous rendition of his favorite Hozier song. But then she took the mic from her drunken friend, and it was as if the heavens parted and the gods showed him the future Mrs. Aegon Targaryen.
“Your coffee, sir,” she said to him as she handed him a mug. “No worries, it’s as black as your soul,” she added with a teasing grin.
“Thank you, beautiful,” he said as he took the mug from her.
She was truly a lesson in divinity for him. Aegon didn’t truly believe she was the most gorgeous woman on the planet. There would be people who would think she was average looks, maybe even less than that, but he didn’t need her to be more beautiful than anyone else. He wanted her exactly as she was. Beautiful like a spring day, teeming with beauty in the most natural of ways. Like one would think of a cherry blossom tree, or their favorite flower. Simple and breathtaking, a reminder of life and truth on a fundamental level.
He knew it the moment they locked eyes in that bar. Her voice shook from nerves as she sang in front of the crowd of strangers. When she looked at him, and he at her, he felt joyful for the first time in years. All of the stupid shit with his family, the years of drowning his sorrows in whiskey and wine and any other drug, none of it mattered.
If he were honest, he couldn’t remember how he got so lucky. He knew he approached her once she was done singing and complimented her. By the end of the night she was nestled beside him in bed, and he’d be damned if he ever let her leave.
“Gods, you’re amazing,” he muttered as he watched her. He knew she was drinking hot chocolate, finding the taste of coffee much too bitter.
“What was that?” she asked him when she pulled the mug away from her face. She had a bit of whipped cream on her upper lip, making his heart feel like it was on the brim of exploding.
He leaned forward, just barely, and lifted his hand to wipe the cream away with his thumb. She gave him a cute little smile when it brushed against her lips, puckering them to press a kiss to his skin. When he pulled his hand away and sucked the cream off, he heard her giggle.
“This is why you’re so sweet. Where most people drink whiskey and coffee, you put sugar in your sugar and drink it until the sun comes up,” he told her. Of course, he was teasing her.
“Because unlike you, Mr. Listen to Sad Music Even When I’m Happy, I like to enjoy things. The good things. The sweet things, like whipped cream and hot chocolate and fruit loops in bed on Saturday mornings. I just think I live a better life than you,” she told him. She was grinning from ear to ear.
If Aegon wasn’t so afraid of rejection, he would tell her how he loved her. He loved that she wanted to eat sweets at all times. He loved that she teased him for listening to My Chemical Romance or Asking Alexandria, calling it all sad music, even when she would listen right alongside him. He loved that she would start crying at the Wonka movie near the end, unashamed about feeling overwhelmed by the backstory.
If he weren’t so afraid she didn’t love him, he would tell her. He knew it had only been a few weeks, that all logic points to love at first sight being nothing more than him just getting turned on by her appearance. But how could he not love her when she sat in bed with him like this after making him a cup of coffee before the sun had even risen? How could one resist the gentleness of her touch when they watched TV together and she insisted on holding his hand? How could he be expected to watch her hyper fixate on a book or a video game, talking about it for hours on end with so much passion she always ended up wound up and breathless?
“You’re too sweet for me,” he told her as he laid back against the head board. He gently pulled her into his side, wanting to have her as close as humanly possible.
His words were met with an amused chuckle. She didn’t fight his hold on her, instead melting into him as though it was where she had always been.
“Tell me about your family,” she said quietly. “I mean, I’ve not been further than ten feet from you for weeks and you haven’t said the first word about them.”
He could feel his jaw clench as she asked him. His family was a complicated and sensitive subject. Even though he wished he never had to speak to her about them, he knew he had to if he had any hopes of them becoming more than just a passion fueled fling.
“Not much to really say. Dad ran Draconic Industries. My older sister, Rhaenyra, is my dad’s daughter with his first wife. He made her next in line to take over the business. Me, my younger siblings, even my mom, we never really mattered much to dear old dad. He died when I was nineteen. I don’t really matter much to any of the rest of them,” he told her, tracing shapes on her bare thigh as he spoke.
“I’m sure that’s not true,” she said quickly.
“It is,” he told her without any uncertainty. “Helaena, my younger sister, hasn’t spoken to me in a few years either. I haven’t spoke to my youngest brother Daeron since we were kids. And my brother Aemond…he was the last to hold out hope for me and I burned that to the ground a long time ago. I think it’s been at least a year. My mom completely disowned me about four years ago, when I was around twenty-two, cause I refused to go to rehab again.”
She frowned softly but said nothing. He could only imagine what was going through her head at this point. If roles were reversed, he would probably be planning his exit strategy. All it felt like he told her was a sob story about a poor rich kid who can’t live off mommy and daddy anymore. He felt pathetic.
“What did you go to rehab for?” she asked him.
“Started partying when I was like twelve. Alcoholic by age fourteen. Lead to worse shit, as it does, and I overdosed when I was eighteen on some coke. My mom and grandfather checked me into rehab the following week. Have done two more stints since. Never really stuck, and I haven’t been sober for more than a few days since I was like fifteen.”
He was laying in all our there for her. He wanted her to know so she could decide if she thought he was worth the trouble. He couldn’t blame her if she ran away from him. Why would she stick around? All of his family had washed their hands of him and they were family. She was just someone he met in a bar a few weeks before.
She stayed quiet for a long time. Longer than he would’ve liked. The silence weighed on his heart like an elephant pressing against his chest. He wanted to beg her to say something, anything, just so he knew where her head was at.
Though, he noticed, she didn’t move away from him. She stayed right there, comfortable tucked into his side, occasionally sipping her hot chocolate. His own mug, still filled with coffee, had gone near forgotten in his hand. He was too focused on her.
“You know, the opposite of addiction is connection. Watched a TED Talk one time about it. They found when addicts are treated like people instead of criminals, integrating them into society instead of isolating them, they show less of a struggle with addictions. Allow their basic needs to be met, give them a community, and they thrive,” she said softly after several moments.
She sat up, her warmth leaving him. He felt lonely without her touching him even though she was still well within arm’s reach. She was all he wanted, all he needed.
“I’m not saying I can fix you. I’m not saying the cure to all your problems is me giving my heart to you. I am, however, telling you that I haven’t once seen you drunk or high or anything and we basically haven’t been apart in weeks. If you want to develop healthy connections, create a community, be a person, I am more than willing to be part of it,” she said.
His heart started beating rapidly against his chest. He knew she was right. Since being with her, he hadn’t really felt the need for anything. He had physical cravings, sure, but no mental desire. Aegon didn’t want a moment with her to be a hazy memory that he may be able to recall when he's older.
“Why?” he asked her.
“Because I love you,” she said.
The weeks and months following that night, Aegon really put in the work. Y/N had made it clear to him that she was not going to just give him everything. If he wanted this, it was on him. She was only helping him.
Together, they had found a group therapy program for him. It was ran by a man who had gotten his psychology degree a few years before, but had struggled with addiction for most of his life. That was the first step, a step Aegon felt proud he had taken once he realized he didn’t feel so alone anymore.
The next step, he decided on by himself. The group program was all well and good, but he felt a need to find a deeper explanation into himself. Once a week he found himself sitting in a therapist’s office, talking about everything and nothing all at once. They spoke about his family, his self imposed isolation from them and how that lead to them cutting off, his hopes and dreams for the future.
Through this, he found out about opportunities for volunteer work in the community. He realized he quite liked working at the local secondhand store that helped people in need. He even brought her with him on the Saturdays he worked a shift, turning it into something they enjoyed together.
Even at work, he began reaching out more. If the opposite of addiction was connection, then by the gods he was going to make connections. His coworkers were enough to give him a good laugh. All of them were extremely proud of the progress he made, always encouraging him. He found that little bit alone made it easier for him to be more himself. In the conversations he was able to have with his coworkers, he talked about shows, movies, and music he liked and became friends with a few of them.
It was with this progress, along with the support Y/N provided, that Aegon found himself at the door of his family’s estate. He hadn’t been here in years. He knew all of his younger siblings still lived here. Helaena’s bright yellow VW Beetle sat parked in the driveway, Aemond’s motorcycle probably laid in parts in the garage, and Daeron had always been more content taking a town car than actually driving himself anywhere.
“You don’t have to do this, you know,” Y/N told him as she held his hand tightly. He had asked her to come with him so she could at least meet them. They needed to see how he had changed.
“I do have to. If for no other reason than to show them I’m not who they remember me to be,” he told her.
“Did you talk to Dr. Wilson about this? I mean, I just, I don’t want you to,” she said, trying desperately to find the right words. He silenced her with a kiss to her forehead.
“And I love you for it,” he said to her, holding her hand as tightly as she held his. “I’m okay with whatever happens in there.”
He knocked hard on the door. It wasn’t long before his mother answered. The ever looming presence of Alicent Hightower, never Targaryen, filled the entire space of the door frame. Her auburn curls were tied neatly back into a bun, her brown eyes widened in surprise.
The woman before him, despite being in her forties, showed no true signs of aging. There were no gray hairs scattered around her head, no fine lines or wrinkles. The only indication of a less than flawless appearance were the almost invisible lines that came from the outer corners of her eyes, put there by the fact that just like Aegon, her eyes would always squint up whenever she smiled.
“Aegon,” she said quietly. She looked at him like she saw a ghost.
“Hi, mom. Can we come in?” he asked her, biting his lip. Y/N gave his hand a small squeeze as if to remind him she was with him. He had her support every step of the way.
Alicent nodded silently and stepped to the side, allowing them entrance. The house was the same as the last time he was here. All of the old family photos hung on the walls of the hallway to the living room. The air smelled of cedar wood and spiced apples, giving it the perpetual scent of fall. It was warm and inviting, the plush couch so comfortable beneath him it was almost indicative of how much money his mother spent on it.
In a lot of ways, the house felt like his family. It was the epitome of warmth and love on first glance. When you looked closer, you could see how some of the picture frames were void of glass, having been broken in one family argument or another. There was a coat the hung on the same rack, day in and day out, hiding the hole where his head went through the wall in a drunken stupor. The paint on the walls were beginning to chip away, revealing the yellowing walls that proved how much his dad had liked to smoke. It was haunted, irreversibly scarred by the past.
A maid came around and asked the three of them if they wanted a drink. Alicent requested a glass of wine. Aegon noticed how surprised she looked when he just asked for a soda, like Y/N was having. He also noticed how she kept looking at his hand that held Y/N’s.
“And who is this?” She asked, nodding her head to Y/N.
“This is the woman I’m going to marry, Y/N,” he said confidently.
They hadn’t spoken about it, there wasn’t a ring on her finger. But he had no doubt in his mind that he would marry her. He was certain that she was who he was made for. The gods had her in mind when they designed him, knowing how much he would love her. She truly was his soulmate.
“And so you came to show her how terrible we all are?” she asked him, eyebrow raised. “Or did you come for money? Because you’re not getting a dime.”
“Neither,” he said firmly. “I just wanted you to see me, mom. I wanted to see you.”
She was surprised at his words. The last time he had spoken to her, he had been begging for money. Crying, begging. When she refused, trying to help him in the best way she knew how, he screamed at her about all of her faults. The last words he spoke to her was how he could only hope that he had the courage to kill himself before he turned into her.
“I’m sorry for…for everything,” he told her. “It wasn’t fair of me to blame everything on you.” Y/N squeezed his hand again. He looked down at their hands and he knew he was okay. He would be okay. “I’m like, eight months sober from everything. Not a drop of booze, no drugs. I have a full time job, I volunteer on the weekends at a secondhand store. I’m doing good, mom.”
Tears flooded to her eyes as she looked at him. Her oldest son, the first person she ever truly loved in a selfless manner. She had thought he was completely lost to her. The vicious creature he had been when they last saw each other had melted away entirely.
“Do you want to stay for dinner?” she asked him. He could only wordlessly nod, allowing her the time to stand from her chair and walk over to him. She hugged him tighter than she ever had.
He looked over Alicent’s shoulder at Y/N. The woman he loved was watching him with tears of her own, a smile on his face. She was good, too good, for him. She had opened his eyes to a reality he had been scared to face. But she had never once made him face it alone.
And that made all the difference.
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hii!!
dk if you write for alhaitham (if not diluc is okay), but for the humiliation prompts, can we please see him beg? thank you!!
ANOTHER BEG PROMPT.... there was so many but all yall wanna see is them begging... whats up guys... whatsup... also, this is way more tame and fluffy than the others hehe. surprise surprise!
part of an ongoing event!
╰┈➤ ALHAITHAM admonishing instruction.
"... you know i'm your senior, right? you ought to have more respect for me."
your junior tears his gaze away from his book and regards you for a second.... before returning back to reading. you can feel your eye twitch at his blatant disrespect. stupid haitham and his stupid handsome face! you would've hated him sooner if it wasn't for those archon-sculpted features, but instead you find yourself at an impasse between wanting to clock him and kissing him.
"haitham, please!" you yell impatiently. "we need to get this paper done today! i don't have any other time this week!"
"just do what you can do right now and i'll finish it up later," haitham cooly says. "it won't be optimal if i write with you and you nitpick at every detail."
"i know damn well you'll just rewrite everything if you do that," you huff. "come on, haitham. just cooperate with me this once! exactly what could be so interesting about that book to have you this invested?"
if he were any older, haitham might have deflected the question like it was second nature. but this haitham was just little into his late teens, more inexperienced in dealing with others, and more awkward than he'd like to admit. you eye him interestedly when he freezes up and the knuckles on his book tense. "nothing," he says, too stiffly for persuasion. "none of your concern."
... time to strike.
a wolfish grin makes its way on your face. "you know, when people say that something's 'nothing,' then it's probably worth reading." you lean on the table with your hands cupping your face, eyes watching his whole body stiffen under your gaze. "what's this 'nothing,' eh, sweet junior of mine?"
he averts his eyes from you, and your eyes sparkle at this newfound weakness. before he can even have a chance to react, you swiftly pluck the book out of his hands and open to the page he's been staring so hard at.
... i'm having a difficult time focusing whenever i'm near my senior. they're intelligent, but they're terribly irritating, and their voice is grating on my ears. recently, we've been paired for a paper, and it's hard to concentrate whenever they're breathing down my neck about some nuisance or another.
i'm above such base perversion... or i'd like to think so. but these nights i can't sleep without—
"e-enough!" haitham hissed, reaching for the book before you hide it between your thighs. his hand stutters and retreats before he touches such an... inappropriate place, and you send him another shit-eating grin. "[y. name], this is highly disrespectful—!"
"oh?" you raise a brow at him, leaning on the table as you rest your cheek on your fist. "so now you want to talk about respect. especially when you were the one writing such filthy things about me in your little diary." you squish the leather-bound thing between your things, and haitham gulps when he glances nervously at it. "maybe if you beg me, i'll give it back to you, hm?"
he turns scarlet, in anger or in embarrassment you don't know, but it's an interesting color on him. you watch eagerly as his mouth gawps open, lips forming words he can't bring himself to vocalize. after a brief internal struggle, he seems resigned. "[y. name], please, just give me—"
you lean back in dissatisfaction. "[y. name]?" you echo incredulously.
he swallows— both spit and pride— and clenches his fists in his lap. "senior... p-please... give it back..."
you cock your head teasingly. "hm? give what back?"
"the- the diary. please." he forces himself to meet your gaze, and for once you don't see the haughty star student but a bashful boy caught red-handed. "please give it back."
"oh, this?" you take it out from between your thighs, taking notice of how his eyes shake as he fixes his gaze on it. you wave it languidly in front of him. "this diary that you write your fantasies about your senior?"
he gulps, and nods hesitantly. you bark out a laugh and stand. honestly, who knew it'd be this easy to bring the great haitham down to his knees before you? your body reaches over the table, nose brushing against his, before you slide the journal between his fingers.
"honestly," you tease his ears with your breath. "you should be more straightforward with me next time. seniors are meant to help their juniors, no matter how rude they may be."
and when you nip the shell of his ear, haitham hopes that you don't hear the whine he had accidentally let out.
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Hate, Hostility & Harassment
TW: Vulgar language, hate, harassment
I’m a member of the support team on Sims After Dark. I knew that the infant patch would be a doozie--and it was! What I was not prepared for was the sheer level of hate, hostility & harassment that we (support team members) would face.
People seemed to have lost any sense of common decency, humility, respect, or patience. It’s quite embarrassing that we had to release MORE THAN ONE server announcement on how to behave. It has really blown my mind that people were behaving the way they were to people who VOLUNTEER their time to HELP. I am not paid by EA nor am I affiliated with EA--I just really like helping other simmers play their game with mods & cc. There have also been several modders & content creators who have been relentlessly harassed on when they were going to update their mods/cc. WE DO NOT OWE YOU ANYTHING.
Given all of this, Sims After Dark has gone dark until March 21st. Hopefully everyone will take this time to re-evaluate how they speak to people online. I know that I for one will be taking time away and actually getting to play the game for the first time since the new content dropped.
Finally, I’ve attached some of the responses that I personally received IN PUBLIC CHANNELS. I was also personally harassed by a group of people who joined the server just to say stupid shit to me. This does not include responses that other support team members have received nor does it include the sheer volume of people saying things like: “When will x mod be updated?” “Is anyone going to help me?” or spamming the support channels. I hope these pictures help you all fully understand how we’ve been talked to the past couple of days. I’ve also blocked out the names & profile pictures of these people because I’m not a shit head and the intention behind this post is to give just a peek into what I’ve been experiencing.
Blatant harassment:
Disrespect towards support:
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👀 if you're still taking requests: "enemies to lovers"-esque where reader insinuates that bang chan has popcorn muscles. pabo chan takes the bait and sees red #strengthkink
anonnnnnnn...omfg. i love a good enemies to lovers trope and don't even get me started on strength kink 👀👀👀 i also went wild and decided to sprinkle in some jealousy because i just couldn't help myself. i really hope you like what i came up with for you! enjoy!!!!
❤️ abbie & courtney
-------------------------------------------
pairing: chan x afab!reader
genre: smut, 18+ (minors dni)
length: 3.3k (oops)
warnings: profanity, sexual/suggestive content, dom!chan , sub!reader, jealousy, taunting, degredation if you squint, fingering, orgasm denial, hate sex (kinda?), unprotected sex (please wrap before you tap), creampie, afab reader, nsfw 18+ (minors dni)
“holy shit how is he carrying that?” you didn’t even realize you had said the words aloud, too transfixed by the way changbin was carrying three boxes at once. “like what the fuck? is he superman or something? i wish he’d carry me like that.” you mumble to yourself, completely unaware that chan had walked up behind you and heard every word.
you couldn’t help it. it’s not like it was your fault every single muscle in changbin’s arm was bulging with strain as he helped move your boxes up the stairs. when you had asked the guys to help you move into your new apartment you had expected them to show up and move some boxes, not give you a whole goddam show. you would have never thought you could get so wet over some cardboard.
changbin bends down to pick up yet another stack of boxes and you have to literally suppress a moan at the way his arms flex and contract. how did you never realize he was so shredded? like jesus christ, he’s so built. you find yourself imagining what it would be like to lick every single inch of his body, feeling the curves and ridges of his strong muscles beneath your tongue.
“can you at least close your mouth if you’re going to watch him? you’re literally drooling.”
the sound of chan’s voice makes you jump and you snap your mouth closed. a blush creeps up your cheeks as you whirl around and realize he was watching you. of all people to catch you staring, of course it had to be chan.
"i don't know what you're talking about.”
“uh huh, sure. that sounded super believable.” the blatant sarcasm in his tone makes your defensive nature start to rise to the surface.
“and what’s that supposed to mean?”
“you’re really going to try and tell me that you weren’t staring at changbin’s muscles? as if i didn't just find you blatantly watching him, mouth wide open like you were looking at your next fucking meal.”
“well….i…." you stumble over your words as you try to devise a plausible excuse. "oh just shut up." you don’t miss the way he chuckles softly in response, clearly enjoying how flustered you are.
god, he's so fucking irritating. he knows exactly what all your buttons are and goes out of his way to push them. and of course he also has to be friends with changbin and jisung. you love hanging out with them, but chan is just always there, annoying you with that cocky grin and his stupid comments.
“what are you doing here anyways?" you snap, already on edge after only a few minutes of being around him.
"helping you move, duh."
"last i checked i asked changbin and jisung to help. not you."
"well we all have plans later so they asked me to come lend a hand so we aren't late. i figured with my help we'll finish in half the time."
he flexes his arms dramatically and you can't help, but roll your eyes. "oh please, you may look good--"
"so you admit i look good?" he smirks and you have to fight the urge to smack the grin off his face.
"if you would let me finish, i was going to say, you may look good, but we all know those muscles are just for show. unlike theirs." you nod across the room towards changbin and jisung who are carrying a dresser into your room. their arms are bulging under the weight of the heavy furniture and you watch as a bead of sweat starts to run down changbin's face. god, you'd like to lick that off.
"could you be any more obvious?"
you snap your gaze back to chan, another wave of irritation rolling through you. "could you be any more annoying? it's not my fault i like a man who can actually use his muscles instead of just flaunting them like a fucking trophy."
"i'm only annoying because you make it so easy sweetheart." he taunts condescendingly, knowing how much you hate it when he calls you that. he reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and you smack his hand away harshly, frustrated that he always knows just how to get under your skin.
"and for your information, these arms can do more than just look incredible. a lot more." with that he strides across the room, tossing a sly wink over his shoulder.
he quickly gets to work, moving heavy boxes and furniture with ease. as the afternoon wears on he never breaks his brisk pace and you have to admit you're a little impressed with how strong he is. not that you would ever give him the satisfaction of saying that out loud to him.
as your getting some things settled, you end up changing your mind about the layout of your living room, so you ask the guys to move the couch when they finish dropping off the boxes they're carrying.
"where do you want it?"
you turn around from the bin you were unpacking and your eyes widen in surprise for a moment before you manage to fully mask your reaction. apparently, chan decided not to wait for the other guys to move the couch. so now he's just standing in the middle of your living room, holding an entire fucking couch. like it's not a huge couch, but still.
"ummm, over there against that wall." you mumble, trying not to stare too heavily at his bulging biceps or the thick veins snaking down his forearms and hands. he walks across the room and settles the couch into the spot you indicated gently. the entire movement looks almost effortless, as if moving a whole couch took little to no exertion. okay, so maybe you're more than just a little bit impressed with his strength.
the look on your face must have betrayed you a little because when chan turns around and looks back at you his lips tilt up into a smug smile. "i told you they weren't just for looks."
"oh just shut up and get the rest of the boxes."
"whatever you say sweetheart," he taunts, a knowing smirk on his face as he heads downstairs to grab the rest of the stuff from the moving truck.
"hey is there anything else you need moved?" jisung asks as he walks out of your bedroom, changbin close behind him.
"no, i think that should do it, chan's getting the last of my things right now and i'm pretty happy with where all the furniture is. thank you guys again for helping me, there is literally no way i could have done it all myself. and i really didn't want to have to pay movers and then awkwardly stand around for a couple of hours while strange men came in and out of my apartment."
"of course! you know we'd never subject you to the horrors of having to talk to a stranger alone. but, if we're all done, i think we are gonna head out. we need to swing by our place before tonight because there is literally no way i'm going out with this one if he doesn't shower first." he glances over his shoulder, a look of faux disgust on his face and changbin shoves his shoulder playfully. "shut up, we both know you smell like a fucking locker room right now. anyways, if you need anything or when you inevitably decide you hate where everything is in three days just hit us up, we are pretty free this week."
"thanks guys! i totally owe you one!"
you wave as they leave and plop down on your couch, exhausted from all the moving and unpacking. pulling out your phone, you start mindlessly scrolling, not looking up when chan comes striding into the apartment a few moments later. he moves to set down the last of the boxes, talking as he does.
"i ran into the guys on my way back in and they said that we're all set. so i guess that's my cue to leave as well."
"yup, thanks for your help today. i guess." you mumble, still not looking up from your phone.
you hear him chuckle lightly at your half-hearted thank you as he heads back to the door. "oh and don't forget to hydrate after all the drooling you did today."
your eyes snap up to find him leaning against the door frame, that irritating smirk painting his lips.
"i was not drooling!" you defend, wishing he would just leave. it was bad enough having to deal with him when the guys were here to help act as a buffer. but when you're alone with him it takes all your self control to not strangle him and you're just too tired to deal with that right now.
"oh please, i should've gotten you a towel to help clean up after you watched me move that couch."
"oh my god, just let it go." you return your attention back to your phone, slumping further into the couch. you don't register that you never heard the door open and close until chan's hands suddenly land on the cushions on either side of your head. you jump in surprise, dropping your phone into your lap.
"why are you still here?"
"because i'm not going to leave until you admit that you were wrong."
"what are you talking about? and get out of my space," you shove at his chest and have to force yourself to not think about how hard his muscles felt beneath your hand.
"admit that you think i'm strong." he leans over and you can't help but notice the way his biceps bulge with the motion. you swallow thickly, trying to pretend you’re not affected by his suddenly invasive presence. you will not give him the satisfaction of knowing that this is turning you on a little. so, you pick your phone back up and start scrolling again, pasting a bored look on your face.
“oh, is that how it’s going to be?” he asks while plucking the phone out of your hands and crowding into your space even further. “you’re going to pretend i don’t exist? don't think i didn't notice you staring at me today. i bet you were wet all afternoon while you watched me work."
taking a breath to steady yourself, you move your gaze to connect with his. “well sorry to disappoint, but you couldn't be more wrong.” the words come out much more confidently than you feel with his large body towering over you.
“oh, okay, sure,” he replies before dipping down to plant a chaste kiss against your neck. your body freezes, every muscle locking up as all your senses zero in on the feeling of his mouth on your skin. “you keep telling yourself that you didn't notice me.” he mumbles the words against your sensitive flesh and you have to fight the urge to moan as his soft lips brush against your skin again and again. "that you weren't thinking about all the things i could do to you."
"i...i wasn't. you're the last person on earth that i would want to sleep with." your words sound unconvincing even to your own ears. the denial loses even more credibility when you find yourself threading your fingers through his hair as he moves to latch his mouth to the other side of your neck.
"who said anything about sleeping with you? i just mentioned all the things you were thinking about me doing to you. careful sweetheart, your horny is showing."
"i fucking hate you."
you feel his breath puff across your skin as he chuckles lightly before leaning in again. your head tips back against the couch behind you as he nips at your throat and you can’t suppress the soft moan that escapes when he laps softly at the sore spot.
you tug at his hair to pull him closer to you and you feel him groan against your neck. his hands are suddenly underneath your thighs and you feel yourself being lifted, and then moved, until your back is pressed against a wall. heat floods your core at the feeling of his hard body against yours, but before you can even fully absorb the sensation, chan’s mouth is against yours and you lose yourself in his tongue.
bright hot arousal courses through you as his mouth moves with yours, every lap of his tongue and nip of his teeth sending bolts of electricity straight to your core. his hands grip your thighs as he makes out with you and you can’t help but focus on the way his fingers press into your flesh, as if they are trying to memorize every inch of you before you disappear.
you know this is a bad idea. he's never going to let you live this down and you're definitely going to hate yourself for this later. but when his mouth is on you like this, you can't find it in yourself to care.
he shifts so he's holding you up with just one arm, his other hand moving up to wrap around the back of your neck, pulling your mouth closer to his. you moan into the kiss and you wrap your thighs around his waist, his arousal even more present as you start to roll your hips against him. you’re vaguely aware of the way he moves the two of you down the hall as you continue to make-out. he suddenly drops you onto your mattress, the movement abruptly breaking the kiss. he crawls onto the bed after you, settling between your legs before reconnecting his mouth with yours.
“oh god, chan,” you murmur against his lips, thrusting your hips into his, desperate for more contact. his mouth starts to move down your neck, sucking on the flesh hard enough that you know it will leave marks.
"look at you. i've barely done more than kiss you and you're already moaning my name. when are you going admit that i drive you crazy? that you're completely desperate for me. that--"
"just shut and fuck me before i have time to remember how much i can't stand you."
you try to grind against him but he presses his broad body down against yours, preventing you from moving.
"nice try there sweetheart, but i'm in charge here." heat floods your system at the dominance in his voice. with one quick movement he rids you of your panties, his fingers quickly replacing the fabric. he strokes your soaking pussy a few times before diving in, plunging his fingers deep inside of you.
"god you're so wet for me. i've bet you've been dripping all afternoon, just waiting for me." you open your mouth to protest, but when you feel his thumb press against your clit, your brain empties of all thoughts. he continues to work you with his fingers and you feel your high rapidly approaching. just when you think you are going to tip over the edge, he pulls away and you whine in protest.
“no!” you gasp, barely able to form words beyond your desperation for him. “i need more! please, give me more!”
“oh? now you'll admit you want me?” he asks, smirking down at you.
"no that's not what i meant. i will never admit--" your words die in your throat as he plunges his fingers back inside of you, curling them to hit that spot just right. a loud gasp escapes you and you throw your head back, overcome by the sudden pleasure coursing through your veins. he continues to stroke you, pumping his fingers at the perfect place, drawing you closer and closer to release until…
“no! please don’t stop!” you practically sob when you feel him stop his ministrations yet again, just before your orgasm.
“you think i’m going to let you come without my cock buried inside you? you think i'm going to give you the satisfaction of release before you admit how desperate you really are for me? no, no, no, that just wouldn’t do."
“please, chan, please just give it to me,” you beg, dying for his touch, your release teetering on the edge.
“oh i will, but not until you say the words." he looks down at you and you bite your lip, determined to not give in. but then he starts to move away from you and your hands lash out, gripping onto his biceps with deadly force.
“okay fine!” you practically scream. “i was staring at you all afternoon and i hate it. i hate that i couldn't get myself to look away. i hate that all i could think about as i watched you was what your muscles would feel like if you used them on me. so please, please, i’m begging you, take me. fuck me until i’m screaming around your cock, make me come harder than anyone has ever made me come.”
“there. now that wasn't so hard, now was it?”
he quickly removes his pants and boxers. before you can even blink he’s pounding into you in a way you have never been fucked before. your eyes roll back as pleasure overtakes your system once more, his cock hitting you just right with every stroke.
pure bliss starts to overwhelm your senses and you move your hands to his stomach, dying to feel the way his abdomen contracts as he thrusts into you. his hands catch your wrists and pin them above your head before you get the chance to feel anything and you can’t help but whine in protest.
“oh, so now you want to feel my muscles?” he taunts as you squirm beneath him. “did you really think that after all your arguing i would just let you have whatever you want?” he flicks his thumb across your aching clit and you can only mewl in response, your hips jerking towards his hand, eager for more contact.
he smirks at your reaction, reveling in the effect he has on you. he starts pounding into you harder than before, his thumb working your clit in earnest. it takes no time at all before you feel yourself tip over the edge, thighs beginning to shake as pleasure wracks your body. curses and cries of his name pour from your lips as you come, your legs wrapping around his body to hold him close as you do.
you try to wrap your arms around him, but his hands continue to keep your wrists hostage, holding them to the bed as you come. you can feel his strength surrounding you. you're completely at his mercy and that thought makes you come harder, aftershocks rippling through you as he keeps you pinned beneath him.
“fuck, yes, that’s my girl,” he murmurs as your orgasm washes over you, his words only heightening the experience. “god you feel so good… fuck… you’re gonna make me--” the feeling of you pulsing around his throbbing cock becomes to much and his hips stutter as he starts to lose control. he curses when his release finds him, dropping his head to your shoulder as he comes deep inside of you.
he collapses against you as he finishes, his body pinning you to the bed beneath him. you feel yourself drowning in him, but for some reason you feel comforted rather than overwhelmed, his large frame surrounding you in every way.
silence overtakes the room, the only sound filling it being your collective gasping as you both try and catch your breath. finally, chan speaks, his deep voice rumbling against your skin.
"i'm glad you finally decided to admit how you really feel. lying's not a good look for you."
"oh my god," you groan, shoving at his shoulders. "i still hate you."
"oh i know sweetheart. i know."
tag list: @sensitiveandhungry
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Antisemites are going mask-off. And we Jews see you.
So some shit for brains antisemite sent me this message the other day. This is one of several antisemitic Anons I've gotten recently, but this one is the most blatant.
My first response was to taunt them. I thought of writing something like this:
"Hey, you fucking loser, you forgot the part of your Nazi script where you try to deny that the Holocaust happened. Lame ass motherfucker, you can't even get your own lies right. Next time you try harassing a Jew online, at least try to tow the Nazi party line, you white supremacist. Also, you fucking COWARD, how dare you come to my inbox on Anonymous. If you’re going to tell me you wish I would die in a Nazi gas chamber, at least have the common courtesy to tell me your username so I know who I am blocking."
But then, I thought: No. That's not how to respond. Because that's not what this is about.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. Making fun of a stupid a Nazi by telling them that they forgot to deny the Holocaust when they decided to harass me for being a Jew — that is gallows humor of the darkest kind. But a morbidly glib zinger of a reply doesn’t actually address the real issue here.
The real issue is that a lot of you with antisemitic tendencies have been going completely mask-off the last few weeks, and you have been diving headfirst into Jew-hatred.
You are finally feeling liberated to speak the Jew-hating words that you have been dying to say.
You have been practically champing at the bit to tell a Jew that you wished there would be another Holocaust so you could get rid of all those millions of "bad Jews" that you don’t like, and now you feel liberated to scream those words from the rooftops.
Over the last few weeks, we Jews have been watching you, some of you that we considered to be friends, and we’ve seen many of you turn on us and spit out the most vile, hateful things about us.
And we know exactly what you will be doing when the next Nazi craze spreads like wildfire from country to country, throughout cities and towns.
You like to claim that you would have been punching Nazis in the face during World War II. You like to claim that you would have protected us. Some of you even like to claim that you would have sheltered us, like the heroes who hid Anne Frank.
But we know better.
No. That’s all just romantic bullshit that some of you like to tell yourselves to make yourselves feel important.
In reality, you would have been deciding who is a "good Jew" and who is a "bad Jew." You would have been deciding who you should rat out to the police for a reward. You wouldn’t be protecting us! You would be saying, "I really don't like that Jew. I’m going to go tell the Gestapo about them." Or worse, you would be saying, "Oh, that Jew over there, they’re just an animal. They’re barely human. The Nazis can kill them, I don’t care."
Most of the people who turned against their Jewish neighbors in Nazi occupied Europe weren't monstrous, inhuman beasts. Most of them were people, just like you, who had been conditioned to hate Jews by nearly two thousand years of Christian antisemitism coupled with a targeted campaign of white supremacist propaganda. This widespread antisemitism allowed the Nazis to transform an irrational and enculturated feeling of distrust towards Jews into a feeling of intense hatred, where gentiles demonized Jewish people and blamed "those Jews" for all the bad things that were happening in the world.
And the white supremacists are doing it again. And YOU are falling for their trap. Again!
Don't you get it? This is the oldest trick in the book! Periods of antisemitic violence usually erupt every 70-100 years or so, after most of the Jewish elders who hold the living memory of the last genocide have all passed away. And the Holocaust was 80 years ago. And here we are. Again.
And just like the Christians in Europe who turned on their Jewish neighbors, you are starting to turn on us.
You buy into antisemitic conspiracy theories, just like the white supremacists do.
You stand in the streets, screaming "gas the Jews" and "die Jews die."
You sound like the Proud Boys. You sound like Nazis. Do you even hear yourselves???
You pretend that all Jews are all a monolith and a hive mind, and you try to convince yourselves that we are all a proxy for the fucking Israeli government, which the vast majority of Jews fucking despise. If we could, trust me, most of us would strangle Netanyahu with our bare hands.
You celebrate Jewish deaths because you have convinced yourselves that killing a random Jewish civilian is "just the same" as killing Netanyahu, because you have manipulated yourselves into believing that all Jews are the Israeli government.
And you don't see how fucking STUPID that is!!
Jewish people are no more the Israeli government than YOU are YOUR government.
A people are NOT their government.
According to Tumblr statistics, nearly half of you reading this will be from the US. Shall I blame YOU personally for the actions of the US government? Of course fucking not! And you'd better fucking not blame random Jews for Netanyahu!
And some of you Jew-haters, in pretending that Jews are all a monolith and a hive mind, even say vile, antisemitic shit like, "Looks like the Jews are becoming the Nazis."
You choose those words carefully, twisting the Shoah, our greatest tragedy, into a knife. You try to weaponize the slaughter of our people against us. You try to reduce the 6 million of us who were murdered into a white supremacist meme.
YOU SOUND LIKE THE FUCKERS AT A TRUMP RALLY, FOR FUCKS SAKE. DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELVES???
And you do that to dehumanize us. You do that to feel morally superior. You do that to feel less uncomfortable when you laugh at our deaths.
But we know that WE are not becoming Nazis. But YOU are. The reason you say that shit about us is because YOU are projecting YOUR insecurities onto us.
Because you know that you are slowly, insidiously being coopted by the Nazi ideology of David Duke and Richard Spencer.
And perhaps somewhere deep down, you feel uneasy about it. So you accuse Jews of being a monolith, a hive mind, and then you say stupid antisemitic shit like, "Maybe the Jews are the Nazis after all."
And you say that to yourselves so that you can turn off your empathy and celebrate as you watch us die.
What a disgusting way to try to absolve yourselves of YOUR guilt.
And we Jews are watching you. We’re watching you very carefully. And when the dust settles, you will have found that we have vanished from your life.
Very soon, you won’t see us again.
And no, that won't be because we'll be walking into the gas chambers, as much as you'd like us to, like some historical movie about the Holocaust that you watched when you were a child but turned off halfway through because you just didn't care.
NEVER AGAIN MEANS NEVER AGAIN.
As much as we know that you ENJOY watching our deaths (sanitized, of course, with a blur filter over the video so that you don’t have to feel too guilty about watching us being tortured and murdered), that’s not the reason you won’t be seeing us again.
The reason you won’t be seeing us again is because we will be walking out of YOUR life.
You have lost us as friends, and you might not even know it yet.
We are gone from your life, because we know that we can’t trust you.
We know that when the Nazis come to our community and march down the street hoisting their swastikas and doing their Sieg Heils (I've seen it with my own eyes) … when the Nazis harass us Jews in the street (I've seen it with my own eyes) … when the Nazis SHOOT US DEAD (it happened at a synagogue a block away from my synagogue, and many of those who saw it will never open their eyes again) — we know you won’t help us.
You will shove us into the line of fire.
And we know that you’ll absolve your conscience, so you won’t feel too bad about our deaths. You’ll tell yourselves, “It’s okay. Why should I have protected that one? That one was a bad Jew.”
We Jews see you. We see your hypocrisy on full display.
And we are telling you this:
If you see Jewish civilians being tortured and murdered, no matter what country they are from, and your first response is to CELEBRATE … if your first response is to post memes that say shit like, "The Jews fucked around and found out" … if your first response is to say that mass murdering Jews is "brutal but justified" … if your first response is to behave like a Q-Anon believer or a MAGA-hat wearing Republican and treat all Jews like we're a monolith, a hive mind…
When THAT is your response to seeing a tragedy unfolding, you are a FAILED ally, and a FAILED advocate.
You are an antisemite.
But mostly, you are just a really horrible, shitty person.
And we don’t want you in our life.
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making their own subscription streaming service was incredibly stupid, however i do think the people calling those working at watcher rich simply have 0 idea just how fucking EXPENSIVE it is to not just live in LA, but rent out a separate filming space, not even including the equipment and all the people they need to pay.
and i don't understand the take that they shouldn't have so many employees anyways, because i thought we all agreed that more employees = not overworking a small team = better? this decision is stupid and there are very clear arguments against it, but this isn't one of them.
to be as charitable as i can be, in their minds, they're probably trying to make this money not just because youtube doesn't pay well and is entirely unreliable, among other complaints, but because they don't want to fire anyone because those are their friends, and putting your friends out of a job just sucks for everyone involved. even if everyone acts like mature proffessional adults about it, it's not a fun process. they want to avoid that. they SHOULD just accept the situation for what it is, but it's understandable imo why they are trying so hard to avoid it.
they want to make the stuff they want to make, they want to be paid decently for it, they want to make sure their friends are paid decently and have stable income. none of that is inherently bad. this is just the entirely wrong way to go about it. i sincerely think it's not necessarily about greed, more that on paper it sounded far more practical than it actually is, and if they'd discussed it with anyone outside the team they would have seen how dumb it is. the fact is, it doesn't matter how much a subscription costs, there are infinitely more people unwilling to pay a fucking monthly fee than there are people willing to pay even $1 to access shit they already had free access to.
also, i see yall saying incredibly racist shit about Steven in response to this, and it's entirely blatant and disgusting. you do not need to play into anti-asian stereotypes when criticizing someone. this is undeniably a shitty move, there's 0 reason to not hold them all equally accountable when it's clear they all came to a consensus on this. you are, of course, being the easiest on Shane, the white guy of the team. cut that out.
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