#pain and trauma are a bitch

[anoriginalderivative]

i love you intuitive eating, i love you being in touch with your body/feelings, i love you loving and accepting your health based on how you feel instead of how you look, i love you interpreting cravings as a potential nutritional need, i love you listening to your body the way you deserved to be listened to as a child

#look! #i did a joke format! #anyway #i’m feeling so many things #ive been more in touch with my body than ever in my life #and it’s been the most intense spiritual and psychological experience of my life #i wish everyone could have a welcome home party back into their bodies #pain and trauma are a bitch

[wolfythewitch]

Do you ever have that feeling where, despite your distance with your religion, there's still moments where sparks of what you were bought up with, return?

I'm from a religious family, but I'm not in touch with my own religion. Yet there's me calling in the name of the Lord before and after I eat. It's like this lingering piece that I never turn to look at but somehow slips into my ordinary life.

I don't really know you that much, or your religious status. But seeing your religious talks made me want to bring this up.

I don't even know if I make sense here- just- ignore this if you want to, I don't know.

Hmmm I think so. My whole thing with it is really complicated haha. I still go to church every Sunday, though I prefer doing volunteer work with the kids over listening to the sermon. I pray before I eat out of habit. I find myself quoting the bible more often than I open to read it (though this is changing because of all the times I look for references lol). There's a resentment that I get whenever it's brought up, especially around my family. I find myself immediately on guard the minute it becomes subject of conversation. Sometimes at night I'll pace around and just talk. I don't know if I'm talking to myself or to god or whoever but. I'll talk. I think I still believe in him. I definitely believe that there's something out there. I don't think the question is of belief as much as it is of care. Do I care enough to try?

I'll say this though. Whatever I'm doing right now has gotten me to think more about bible and religion than I have in the past few years. So. That's fun! Who knew trying to explore something your own way instead of the way forced onto you by your environment gives your room to feel everything out without any preexisting pressure?

#wolfy tedtalks #anon #wolfy religious tedtalks #i have a theory #and that theory is any time some vaguely catholic holiday rolls around jesus bitch slaps me into being more religious than i currently am #first it was during easter #and now all saint's day is rolling around soon #or maybe its my period #side effects may include #nausea. fatigue. back pain. resurgence of religious belief coupled with complicated thoughts of compartmentalized trauma. cramps. mood swing

[introspectivememories]

absolutely obsessed with the idea of timbern being super secretive over bear's time in the cult.

on one hand, bear is wildly insecure of his scars from the cult. cause it's not like he fucking got them saving the city or helping someone, he was just stupid enough to get sucked into a cult. (a voice in the back of his head that sounds a lot like his therapist and tim tell him that kids are supposed to be stupid and that his time in the cult is more a reflection of the adults in his life than his own choices) anyway his back and legs are like a mess of scarring and normally he'd just tattoo over them but scars have to be a certain age before they're tattooable. so he now just covers them up.

on the other hand, tim is insanely protective over bear's traumas. like if he got any more protective he'd be like certified deranged. so he just straight up dodges or lies about bear's backstory. anyway all this to say, they're hanging out in the pool at the manor and nobody but them ws supposed to be home. so bear thinks it's safe to take off his shirt. they're both having fun until someone says behind bear, "dude... what happened to your back?" cue tim lunging at them like a rabid dog and bear struggling to hold tim back going "tim, tim, what the fuck, what the fuck????"

#batfamily member: get your dog bitch #bear barely holding tim back smiling: he don't bite #them looking at tim growling and snarling and trying to bite them: YES HE FUCKIN DO!!!! #i think the idea of tim being more affected by bear's trauma than bear is insanely funny #bear talking about his trauma: yeah i was in a school shooting and then i got sucked into a pain cult but hey! you live and learn right? #tim punching the ground crying screaming: hasn't he been through /enough/?! #one of the cult leaders gets out on parole and red robin shows up at their house to beat them up #tim's bear's attack dog. his pokemon if you will #bad social scenario? bear shouts 'i summon you tim drake!' and tim the sappy bastard that he is strikes a pose like theyre team rocket #that's a compleste lie btw. tim is the pokemon girlie. bear is the yugioh girlie. they get into arguments about this daily. #it does not help that dami and duke are on bear's side while jason and dick are on tim's #it becomes an all out war and bruce refuses to pick a side #dc #bernard dowd #tim drake #timber #timbern

[thecruellestmonth]

Jason's feelings about Sheila Haywood

Batman #427 (1988)

"God, it must have been hard for you."

"...I'll save you... Mom..."

Batman: Gotham Knights #44 (2003)

"...I love..."

Batman #428 (1988)

"He threw... himself... in front... of me... in front of me... He took... the main brunt... of the blast... Such a... good boy... Must have... really... loved his... mother..."

Deadman: Dead Again #2 (2001)

JASON: "It's weird--she betrayed me to the Joker. Got us both blown up--but I'm not mad at her. It wasn't really her fault--her whole life was screwed up. Things just... happened. [...] You gotta tell me--is she going to make it?"

DEADMAN: "She's fading pretty fast, kid--"

JASON: "No, I mean-- her soul. What's going to happen to her... afterward?"

DEADMAN: "That's not for me to decide."

SHEILA: "Jason tried to rescue me... We almost... made it... So close... He turned out to be such a good kid..."

JASON: "Thanks, Mom..."

Batman Annual 25 (2006)

He remembered most of what happened. The search for his mother. Her betrayal. Joker. And his own murder.

Task Force Z #8 (2022)

"I died trying to save someone I cared about."

#Sheila Haywood #Jason Todd #Batman comics #Red Hood #Task Force Z #Jason Todd meta #Boston Brand #Deadman #Batman panels #Judd Winick #Matthew Rosenberg #panels #Batman Gotham Knights #Steve Vance #RECAP: Jason fully acknowledges that Sheila betrayed him and yet doesn't direct his rage toward her. #I guess it's fine if you want to make Jason call Sheila a 'bitch' and spit on her memory in your own fan fiction. You do you. #But Jason Todd is a bad victim. His trauma is wrong. His coping is wrong. He loves people he shouldn't. #He responds to what has caused him pain--and not what others believe *should* have caused him pain. #He doesn't follow a textbook or what others judge *should* be the correct and proper and convenient response to trauma and injustice. #Jason is used to taking care of his parents. He is used to his parents failing him. Catherine and Willis and Sheila. #But not Bruce. Bruce promised him better. And Jason is so deeply humiliated for letting himself believe that promise with all his heart. #And perhaps... though she didn't want to... Sheila stayed with Jason at the end. And that was a promise that Bruce didn't keep. #long post #longpost #long #thecruellestmonth #Also I see Batman 428 as evidence that Sheila isn't Jason's birth mother because she refers to Jason's mother in the third person. #My theory is she was the back alley doctor who delivered him. Willis was her associate or friend or former lover. #Boston 'Number One Jason Todd Stan' Brand #Deadman Dead Again

[am-cogitoergosum]

Sort of a rant about tpw fics, no hate intended to anyone. I love all the poppy war fics, this is just to talk about what I would like to see more of

Okay I said it before and I WILL say it again. I'm all for creating what you want, so pls don't take this as judgement, but I want to see more fanwork of tpw characters going crazy/overcome with anger. ESPECIALLY RIN AND KITAY.

Ppl tend to forget just how angry Kitay is in the series, and how he's not just "smart mouth big brain soft boy". Like, he nearly went insane in the series, ffs he killed Niang and burned Rin with a candle. He only has remorse for civilians, none for people he already has beef with.

AND AS FOR RIN, I'm a little disappointed with how many times her rage is played off as "eheh, cute lil tsundere bad at feelings". It's nice, especially in a modern au/no war au, I'm not saying I dislike that sort of thing, it can be very cute if done correctly. But there just isn't much about how genuinely angry she is, how she literally lost her mind. I want to see more of her just being full of actual rage and visceral hurt, and not in the "gentle sobbing" way, in the "screaming at the sun brutal murder tearing the room to shreds" way. I just feel like ppl write her as too calm and gentle sometimes.

IN CONCLUSION, these two are literally tortured to the point of insanity and there's not a lot written about that. THEY DESERVE TO BE MAD, because anger was the only thing keeping them going and it got them into terrible situations too.

#ik that this is lame of me #and that i should probably just write the stuff myself and stfu #but i have a huge writing block and so all i can do is bitch and moan rn #and also y'all don't HAVE to write stuff like that if ur bad at it/don't want to #but still i just like raw and visceral mental and physical pain and rage and i thought i'd see more of that in the tpw fandom #love all the fics that take a deep dive into altan and nezha's trauma #just wish i'd see more of that with like #jiang and venka and rin and kitay and all the others #once again #no hate intended #tpw #the poppy war #fang runin #chen kitay

[hobbinch]

You Put That Abuse-Related Term Back In Its Proper Context or So Help Me

#typically i like to be a bit gentler when i explain the fact that Trauma Bonding isnt a mutual relationship that develops when 2 people #are going through the same trauma #but ive seen it misused so many times in a row today that i underwent a painful looking jeckyl/hyde style transformation into a bitch #like nothing personal against ppl who misuse it since theres SO much incorrect useage #but its gotten bad enough that people who have actually been trauma bonded to an abuser dont realize they have that language #to describe their experiences #its almost as bad as the dilution of the word trigger and i personally see it misued more often than Trigger #i dont think that m #which is a huge sample bias thkng since most ppl i talk to have ptsd but like #but like still means SOMETHING as an observation #i think a lot of ppl who use it incorrectly would love to know the correct definition #but theres just enough ppl in the world who hate being corrected by acquaintances that i still often keep it to myself

[ourbastardofsorrows]

sorry, but if you have ever shown me kindness while i was injured and/or genuinely praised me, then i have imprinted on you like a baby duck

#tia text #[roxie hart voice] and that's because none of us got enough love in our childhoods #and by imprinted on you basically i would like. die for you #tbh 75% percent of my crush on my japanese teacher was bc she genuinely praised me and i did not get a lot of that growing up #my fondness for characters who commonly get headcannoned as having a praise kink is entirely incidental to any childhood trauma #anyway i'm my ideal self when i'm getting tattooed #i'm all pliant and pleasant and i'm not a fighty bitch #i'm all blissed out from endorphins & then i'm further blissed out when i get praised for having a huge pain tolerance

[reamed]

i feel like my boss shouldn’t be texting me a paragraph telling me I need to go to the doctor for pain I understand and have dealt with all my life but okay

#txt #she said this is happening every month #yeah bitch I’ve tried to explain to you it’s related to my period and I know what’s going on a just need to get diagnosed #and everytime I set an appointment it’s fucking months away #and any other time I’ve gone to an primary doctor they’ve brushed it off as stomach pain /UTIS/ typical period pain #liek it’s not stomach pain. I literally have pelvic issues that have only gotten worse for many reasons but one of the biggest being trauma

[chaosoftheages]

Got my smut-writer of a best friend to read the smut/non-con I wrote for my Made To Ruin vent oneshot thing and he was like "Wow...that's actually pretty good for your first try!" And I just kinda stared at him like "...Wow. I wrote good smut. ON MY FIRST TRY HELL YEAH!!!"

As much as it reminds me of my trauma and the reason why I wrote Made To Ruin in the first place, I am very proud of my first attempt at smut.

Will I do it again? Ehhh....maybe one day.

#ao3 #fanfiction writer #ao3 writer #alan becker #animation vs minecraft #my writing #autumn writes #he said I captured the emotions and senses perfectly #which i find accurate #i was trying to give Purple a sensory overload bc what he's feeling in that moment is so new to him and he's like “the fuck is happening” #and it actually hurts like a bitch even in the aftermath #even tho my own trauma didn't escalate to that i still feel purple's pain #like I still often think about what if it did go farther and that really helped me write out purple's feelings and emotions #fuck im rambling again god damn it #fuck my adhd im rambling aaaaaa

[quote4me]

#trapped #nothing to live for #lifequoteoftheday #ativan #tavor #xanax overdose #prozac #bupropion #promethazine #trazodone #psychischer schmerz #story of my life #hopelessness #life is pain #am ende #destabilization #flashbacks #can't do this anymore #trauma is a bitch #let me die #lost af #if i knew #pain is real #painful past #lost souls #innerlich tot #alone in the world #it never gets better #müde vom leben

[lovesomehate]

You know somethings I learned this year about myself?

I can run, jump and stand on a sprained ankle for 7+ hours if I need to.

#I can ignore the pain for hours #because my trauma response to pain is rage it doesn’t stop me from doing shit 😂 #I’m just mad while doing so #but yeah now I can call characters on tv whimps for acting like they are dying from spraining their ankles #BOOHOO GET UP BITCH #hah 😂

[martyrbat]

red hood: the lost days #6

[ID: Jason Todd pinning the Joker down in a puddle of gasoline by sitting on his chest. Jason is without his helmet with it laying in the gasoline near them. He has red eyeshadow around his eyes in the shape of his Robin mask and is snarling through gritted teeth down at the Joker, who's smiling up at him. Jason's muscular arms are exposed by wearing a black tanktop and blue jeans while the Joker is in his pinkish purple suit. Jason is holding a lit torch and behind them is a barricade of flammable barrels and the bright, full moon. In front of the moon is Batman with his cape flared out to resemble wings, his only visible feature being his glowing eyes. END ID]

#i know his dramatics and revenge fantasy gets the best of him but for the joker it just. didn't make sense #'i want it to be long and painful like how he beat & killed me' can be something yea but?? to actually stop ? #have him fantasize and build up this idea of what itll be like to kill joker and then the toppling down as hes still just so traumatized #and hurt. have him realizing how it didnt magically fix everything while also being confident in his choice because that risk of another #kid being merciless beaten or killed is gone. that he killed a horrible person and the world is better because of it #just... he isnt the world. #he stopped potential harm for others he feels good in killing joker he believes it was the best thing to do and he did it #but? what do you do when that harm isnt potential? when it isnt a threat but instead a memory that you have to relive through with every #single breath that you aren't supposed to have in the first place? #you did what you surely must been brought back to life to do. but now youre alive and you're alone and you dont know what else to do. #then have his anger or betrayal feelings at bruce. have jason developing and discovering himself #not as robin. not as a vengeful ghost. not as anything. but as jason todd and how hes carving his own destiny and the universe doesnt know #how to handle that. let him go through grief and trauma and anger. let him be cunning and a bitch. let him have the biggest heart. #let him work his way through crime rings and solo work and be a drug lord and how he helps gotham directly and just have some growth that #isnt centered around the man that killed him and the man that failed him. #jason todd #the joker #red hood #c: red hood: the lost days | i: 6 #crypt's panels #lost days #covers

[cherryvanillacokee]

hailstorm and snowfall could bond over the fact that they were both different dragons for a bit (look at the tags i wrote some big brain stuff)

#does snowfall count?? #either way i think you can see where im coming from #hailstorm be like: so i was another dragon for literal years and i will never be the same again even though im hailstorm i dont feel like #the original me i feel like somethings off somethings wrong #snowfall could be like: damn bitch ive been inside the brains of multiple dragons felt there trauma pain and memories and yes it did help m #me in the long run i can still feel their emotions sometimes and it will likely haunt me forever #then they do this goofy little handshake #wings of fire #wof #queen snowfall #snowfall wings of fire #snowfall wof #hailstorm wings of fire #hailstorm wof #icewings #the dangerous gift

[darkwood-sleddog]

I always love your informative dog posts and your puppies in general. Just wanted to say thank you and that I appreciate this blog a lot!

I was curious if you knew any good science/structure books and any fantasy books about dogs maybe?

Thank you for your kind message!

My absolute favorite dog book about structure is "Structure in Action: The Makings of a Durable Dog" by Pat Hastings. This book is different than a lot of other structural science books because instead of framing a dogs structure around what is correct in its standard, it frames it around the context of what a dog does and may be bred to do. It also breaks down structural terms as well as the benefits and flaws of certain points of structure on dogs. Overall a really helpful book and a pretty easy read.

As a fantasy enthusiast myself I'd say that fantasy books feature wolves a lot more than they feature dogs which is unfortunate and adult fantasy specifically can be really unkind to canines in general as a way of projecting how "dark" and "grim" their world building is. Not to say that dog death trope can't be effective (any of the wolf deaths in ASOIAF actively slaughter me...), but I do grow a bit tired of endless animal companion death.

That being said Robin Hobb's Farseer Trilogy is a favorite of mine and features a nice human/dog bond, although be warned this is not a happy ending sort of fare. For a more wholesome experience Gaspode from the Discworld books is a joy (he's kind of like a proto-Dug from Pixar's Up). the Malazan series features a number of canines.

For non-fantasy Winterdance by Gary Paulson is a must, it's true and hilarious. For non-recovered wolf kids like myself some of my favorite books of all time are The Sight and its sequel Fell by David Clement-Davies. My copies are so tattered.

#dogblr #bookblr #faq #i'm such a bitch for farseer bc i like pain #and also i highly rec david clement-davies other novels as well i read firebringer first back in the day and its rare to get badass books #about deer imo #but damn he did do the damn thing with that one #dog books make me upset i feel like #so many dog books exist as a genre thats only purpose is to tug on human heartstrings #and like um. please let me read about how bad a musher gary paulson was and laugh at his jokes #instead of living through the (personal) trauma of having to read where the red fern grows in a classroom #and crying in class lmao

[vizthedatum]

Menstruation-day-I-lost-count:

I’ve been spotting and bleeding for a couple weeks now.

I have a full blown period this week, and it hurts so much.

My energy level have been going down from Sunday and now I’m in severe pain and very depressed (I also have PMDD). I’m super weak.

My strategies: complain as is my right, TENS unit, CBD salt baths, CBD and THC creams, try to move but then sit back down when it hurts, heat packs, resist taking pain meds due to them flaring up my GI (sucks), lidocaine patches, other types of period patches, scoffing at people giving me unsolicited advice without asking my permission (mainly bc I’ve had painful periods, I have an endometriosis diagnosis, I have an IC diagnosis, I have a PCOS diagnosis, I have gone through several rounds of pelvic floor physical therapy, etc.), medical cannabis to cut the pain, trying to eat healthy but also struggling very hard, hydration, being angry, etc.

It’s a hard day. I’m essentially single with no partners. I am in transition with my life,

And let me be clear

If you know me, then you will know that my being vulnerable with my life and my issues has very little bearing as to what I can accomplish in this life or my integrity.

I think a lot of people write me off. But it’s also one of many insecurities I’m working on.

#fuck PMDD #pmdd is a bitch #PMDD #period #menstrual cramps #painful periods #ic #interstitial cystitis #chronic pain #it sucks #I hate everything #I’ll be fine #healing #trauma

[gregmarriage]

i wish all doctors and “medical professionals” a very fuck off and die x

#got called a ‘timewaster’ bc i missed an appointment due to literally not being able to get out of bed #like for the past month (!!) i’ve not been able to get out of bed and my movement is severely limited #i’m getting behind on showers #i don’t feel like a person and it fucking sucks #but sure i’m a timewaster #literally the doctor the other appointment literally didn’t seem to believe me when i said i was in pain she looked like she thought i was #over exaggerating or even plain lying about my pain #and i’m like ‘bitch i would not lie about this’ #my legs are soooo fucked god i HATE this #i wanna feel like a human being again i literally don’t think i’ve felt like one for three fucking years and i hate it #loveeeeeee trying to get help and not getting taken seriously and then they go ‘well why didn’t you come in sooner’ like why the fuck do you #think???? #medical trauma and doctors straight up treating me like shit has been my life lately #like i’m so used to it at this point that i don’t trust any doctors any more #but like i can’t stay like this but also fuck themmmmm #ugh anyways #gwen rambles #gwenposting