#part of me's sad that it really ended just like that. didnt get to properly say goodbye to the store

[orcelito]

What they don't tell you about losing a parent is that there is so so so so much to do

#speculation nation #my elder sister is gonna be executive of estate (once we get that sorted out bc we couldnt find his WILL) #so i thankfully wont have to deal with as much of the legal stuff #but im still gonna try to help out as much as possible #went through his papers yesterday and set up some preliminary stuff #gonna meet at the funeral home monday to arrange that. tuesday we're going to do some legal stuff for the will establishment #gonna have to take inventory of EVERY. SINGLE. THING. in his house. for tax purposes. #im gonna be inheriting a good amount of things probably. both a blessing and a curse #in that i didnt wanna fucking lose my father for it #but this is the hand we've been dealt and we're dealing with it. #i got excused from my last week of work Thank God so im hanging around longer than originally planned #gonna get my cats today. i fed them enough to last to today but that was when i thought id only be down for 2 days #no work to deal with now. i'll figure it out. #part of me's sad that it really ended just like that. didnt get to properly say goodbye to the store #but at the same time. my dad's death is so much more important. so i'll deal. #it was already gonna be a transitory time. but now it is INTENSELY so. #anyways thats why i havent been around much. i have quite a lot to do.

[hadesnumber1daughter]

Pretty like the sun

Pairing: Percy Jackson x Apollo daughter OC (she classes as an oc cause I gave her a name but you can just read it like your name or Y/N if you want, I just feel better when I'm writing and the characters have names :)

Summary: Percy has always felt something for you, something that you had felt aswell. These quests of life and death finally knocked some sense into you two.

Warnings: Blood, Pain, Agony, Violence, Weapons, Wounds, Wound treating, Curse words, Oblivious idiots, Fluff, Angsty??, Sexual tension, Mutual pining, Almost death, Non-Canon, Hugs, Kisses, Holding hands, Ooc Percy??? Cerberus as a violent dog (ik she isnt really but this is my imagine so idc), Not proof-read, GUT-WRENCHING LOVE, IDK how i wrote this considering I've never been in a relationship OR have ever had an actual crush in my 16 sad years of life

Words: 6.3k

Notes: This is my first imagine so I'm sorry if its bad😭😭. Also if anyone would be willing to give me a few pointers when it comes to working this app as a creator please do cause, yeah I've been using this app for years but I have no idea how to use it when it comes to posting things. I would be very grateful. ❤️❤️❤️. Also, if anyone wants to request something else for me to write I would love to write something for either Percy or Luke, I'll probably make a list of people who I'm willing to write for later today cause it is 10am rn and I haven't slept so I'll just go bed after this 😭😭😭

As soon as percy got handed this quest, with Grover being part of the cloven council and Annabeth being gone to spend time with her family, Percy knew his immediate first choice would be Aurora, there was no doubt about it. The Apollo girl had a spark about her that has drawn him in the second he laid eyes on her.

He had deemed it because she was a daughter of Apollo so there would always be some sort of light that would draw him in, but he hasnt been very sure of that for a very long time. Every time he laid eyes on her, it felt as though time stood still and she was the only source of light and happiness in this dark, gloomy world. 

They had became extremely close when he first came to camp, she taught him the ropes in archery as to put it plainly, he was absolutely shit at it. He had no aim and his stance was awful, in her own words.

When she first said that to him, he wanted to throw her in a dumpster, but then he saw her, he properly saw her. He didnt know what Aphrodite looked like, but he was sure she would be a spitting image of the girl. He was even more sure that she was a daughter of Aphrodite but instead she was not, which made sense as to why she was hanging around the archery booth. From that day forward, she helped him freshen his archery skills, and he helped her with her sword skills.

He has never understood why she wouldnt ask Luke as he was the best swords-man and would probably be a better trainer. However, when he brough it up to her one time her cheeks flushed the tiniest bit and she stated how she was helping him, so he should do that same.

That's how they have ended up here. In the middle of nowhere, trying to find and 'kill' a beast that has been accidently lost and let out from the underworld and send it back. Although quests always have 3 people on them, the oracle specifically stated that this was only a 2 person job. Percy had never been so sure in picking Aurora at that moment in time. 

🌊

"Are you sure we are going the right way Perce, I swear I've seen this tree 3 times already" Aurora stated this time taking a dagger and marking said tree with an X so if they do cross it again, she would be right.

"You never trust my navigation skills sunshine, why is that, is it cause you always get lost in my eyes" he says turning to look at her with a smug smile on his face. The girl abruptly stopped at his turn and could feel the blood rush to her cheeks in that moment, her honey-brown eyes immediately locked with his water coloured eyes and she broke the gaze, not letting him have the satisfaction of being right.

"You wish seaweed brain" she muttered and walked past him knocking into his shoulder in the process which led to him letting out a dramatic gasp.

"That hurts sunshine. Where are you going, it's getting dark, we should stop, set up camp and get some rest so we can re-think and re-strategize." The girl slowly stops her steps and turns her back to the boy who is standing there leaning against a tree with his arms crossed giving her a cocky glance that makes her want to die and kill him at the same time. 

The two had a stand-off for a bit before one decided to speak up.

"As long as I don't have to scavenge this creepy forest for wood then its fine by me" the girl said walking back to him while his eyes following her every movement till she was a few steps away from him. The girl went to grab something from her pocket with her left hand and with her right, she grabbed the boys arms and dragged her hand down it, to his hand which automatically opened up. She placed something cold into it with her left hand.

He looked at her and she had a glint in her eyes he hadn't seen for the past 12 hours, looking to his palm, he was a coin. Not just any ordinary coin or ordinary drachma. It was a coin from sea life, the one coin they give to one another which can be used for many thing, they talked it over before the quest. The coin can only be used for 2 things during this quest, to make sure the other doesnt die, or the person who has been handed the coin has to do what the person giving the coin wants no matter what.

He looked up at her with a confused look but seeing the mischief in her eyes gave enough away. Sighing he pocketed the coin and stepped away from the tree which only left 3 steps in-between the two. 

"What do you want me to do" not even bothering arguing.

"I want to see you fail at making a fire" she said just giving him the brightest smile, basically oozing sunlight from her. The boy felt like a deer stuck in headlights in that moment, he almost forgot the reason for her heavenly smile. He wanted to tell her he loved her right there and then, that he could never get enough of her, that he searched for her in every room he ever walked into, that she was the one and only constant source of light in his life, that she was the sun and he would orbit her in every universe no matter how close he got, no matter how much it destroyed him. He was utterly inconsolable without her. He loved her.

"Aurora" the boy started to say, in a serious tone which immediately made the girl's smile falter as she looked into his eyes, he didnt need to say anything. His eyes spoke more words than he would have liked, enough for the girl to get the message and understand him. All of the glances, the subtle touches, the comfort of each other like no other. She felt and understood it all. 

He was about of continue when a roar sounded, echoing in all directions and rustling the trees. The two could hear the howl of Cerberus all around them. Percy immediately uncapped riptide while Aurora unclasped her bracelet which turned into a bow and an unlimited supply of arrows. 

The both circled back to back, covering each others blind spot like muscle memory. They could feel the ground shake with each step the otherworldly creature took. 

"How are we going to do this?" the girl asked while keeping an eye on all of her surroundings. 

"You distract with your arrows as they are long-range and while she's focused on you, I'll go for the kill shot"

"She can't die" she could feel him rolling her eyes as the words left her mouth.

"You know what I mean" 

They could hear the low growl from the side of them. The three-headed beast emerged in all its glory with its 6 menacing eyes ready to rip these two teens to shreds and send the wrong beings in this equation to the underworld. Percy turned to stand next to Aurora and the girl grabbed his hand and squeezed to which he immediately responded. There were many unspoken words that had been said in the past 10 minutes and this was another addition 'dont die, be safe, come back to me'.

Slipping through her fingers, his hand left hers and quietly stalked away before the beast could get any idea there were 2 of them. Wishing the best for the boy, she instantly got the dogs attention by shooting an arrow at the middle head's nose. 

It did not like that.

They all barked at once and got ready to run at the girl. She didn't like to admit it but she was fucking terrified. Cerberus ran at her and she leapt to the side and ran as fast as she could not looking back until she could feel he's a little away from her. She got another arrow ready in her bow and blindly shot it behind her. 

She heard a small whimper which brought a smirk to her face but that was immediately wiped away as she heard the barking intensify. Hiding behind a tree the girl caught her breaths and looked for the hound and she couldnt spot it or Percy. She got another arrow ready and looked behind the tree once again but was faced with the thing she was hunting. 

Fear spread to every part of her body and she had no time to brace the impact as the dog clawed the tree which in return clawed her. She let out a bloodcurdling scream as she was flung into another tree. The bark from the destroyed tree splintered her, her head hit against a tree on impact and the large gash on her side felt like a fire that was melting her skin off. The girl felt her breath stick in her throat, she felt as though she was dying as immense pain filled her and black spots invaded her vision. Only one other thing was on her mind.

Percy.

The ocean eyed boy lost sight of Cerberus immediately as it began to chase Aurora, his Aurora. He followed as fast as he could not wanting anything bad to happen to the girl he loved before he got any chance to be with her, to confess and to just live a life content with his feelings. 

As he heard, the whoosh of Aurora's arrows increase, he could feel himself being uncapable of keeping up with the beast from the underworld and he cursed himself for it. He lost sight of Cerberus and it scared him, it was too quiet. He couldn't hear the creature or the girl he loved. 

His heartbeat quickened as he looked all around him trying to see a glimpse of either of them. 

Then all blood drain out of his face when he heard the one sound he wished he did not have to hear, ever. Aurora's scream made his heart almost leap out of his chest. He didnt know what to do, he didnt know where she was, he couldnt see the hound, its his fault, she going to die because of him. 

She most certainly is going to die if you dont get a fucking move on, that one voice in his head said. And he pushed all the doubts to the back of his head and focused on 2 things. Defeating Cerberus and finding Aurora. 

He could hear the three-headed dogs footsteps and instantly ran to it. It didnt see him coming and it's tail was on the ground so he didnt the best thing he could think of. He ran up the tail onto the body of the beast.

This elicited loud barking from the beast and Percy could only do one thing. Repeatedly stab the dog until it dissolved. 

Now... admittedly, this was not a good strategy. It was fucking awful. There was no thought to his stabs, they all just angered the beast and considering she was quite resistance to stabs, it wasnt helping. He was just tiring himself out. 

He then has the genius idea of stabbing the beast in the eye, or eyes. He started with the left head. The beast let out a large whimper, and stumbled which cause the boy to almost loose his grip on it. He wasnt going to stop now, he needed to send Cerberus back and get to Aurora.

Aurora. Her scream was echoing in his mind. Bouncing around his skull like he has no brain inside, only her gut-wrenching scream.

He subtly shook his head. As much as he was dreading where she was and if she was okay. He needed to secure Cerberus and he needed all attention to so it as fast a possible to get back to his sunshine.

He then stabbed riptide into both the right heads eyes. Percy knew what to expect this time so he braced himself and held on as tight as he could. He could not fail now. He was too close.

The dog slumped onto the floor which made percy's last task much more easier. With agility and caution the boy leapt onto the middle head and punctured the eyes out which evoked a whimper which made the boy feel bad for the animal and it slowly turned to dust. 

In an instant the boy caught his breath and his mind raced with only one thing. 

Aurora.

"Aurora! Sunshine! Where are you?" The boy felt as though he could not breathe. His head was spinning trying to find her in the mountains of trees and in the darkness of this forest, he has never needed to see her more now than any other time. 

"Aurora! Please if you can hear me make a sound! Anything so I know you're alive" He would never leave her. He would die before he left her to rot in these woods. He would never be able to face the guilt and loss.

"Please! Say SOMETHING" he could feel himself getting frustrated. "HELP! SOMEONE, ANYONE" tears welded in his eyes trying to find her. 

There was a rustle of leaves from the left side behind him. He was running to the sound before it even registered in the back of his mind. He kept hearing the rustling and a small whimper. 

He saw a faint glow of light behind a tree and he held his breath for the sight that was to come. He skidded to a stop and fell on his knees infront of her.

His heart dropped to his stomach when he saw her. Her face was significantly paler than when he left her and she had a wood splinter sticking out of her thigh and worst of all, the 4 claw marks across her abdomen with blood everywhere, it seemed to have stopped pouring, but it was a nauseating sight to see. He didnt know what to do. 

"Aurora, darling, open your eyes" his hands reached her cheeks and his thumb rubbed circled on her cheek and his two fingers made their way to her neck to check her pulse. He let out a sigh of relief when he felt a pulse. It was faint but not too faint to the point it would slip too far out of his grasp. 

He reached for his bag on his back to get some first aid supplies, ambrosia and nectar for the girl, when she let out a pained gasp.

The girl had barely an recollection of anything, the only thing on her mind at the moment was the immense pain shooting through her whole body, It felt like she was on fire and couldnt breathe. She wanted to die.

Then her vision cleared and she saw the golden haired boy looked at her like she was the only thing in the whole world, he held so much worry in his eyes that she thought for a second if she was already dead and it was her spirit seeing his reaction to her death.

"Gods, Aurora, you're okay. You had be so worried, I was terrified, I cannot lose you. If I lost you I would lose myself" The boy held one hand to her cheek while speaking so intently to her.

In that one moment she could feel his stare, like clockwork, bubble something inside of her. It almost made her forget why she was on the ground, why she could taste something metallic in the back of her mouth, why she couldnt move her right leg. It almost took it away. Almost.

That fire spread throughout her body again and she couldnt stop the wail that left her mouth. The pain was nauseating. A flood of curses left Percy's mouth as he grabbed the bottle of nectar and opened it.

"Okay, sunshine, I know you're in a lot of pain but I'm going to give you some nectar, you need to drink it but you need to sit up a little straighter." The girl immediately shook her head as a no in response to the boy. 

"I know. The amount of times we've both had to do it but you know deep down that its the only thing that will fix it." The girl tried to harden her stare at the boy but she was too weak to even look at him properly.

"O-okay, but... I can't" she inhaled sharply as she tried to move the slightest bit. She didn't have to finish her sentence for the boy to understand what she was trying to say. He took one his flannel button ups from his bag, scrunched it up and gave it to her. She could only give him a confused look.

"Put it in your mouth, bite down hard cause I'm gonna move you into the right position and its gonna be a pain. I'm sorry sunshine but I have to." She took it with her shaking hands and was about to put it in her mouth when she smelt it, sea salt and musk, then the girl really looked at what the item of clothing was. 

"this is yours" she said in a hoarse voice, looking up at him, confusion plastered all over her features.

"Well I dont exactly know where your bag is so next best thing." he gave her a weak smile and moved closer to her but she weakly grabbed his hand.

"I'm scared" she whispered so pathetically but the boy understood, he knew her. He knew that he needed to keep talking to her, to make sure he is doing something close enough to her for her to know that she's still alive. 

He only interlaced their fingers and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. 

"I won't let go, I promise. You aren't leaving me, not after everything we have been through together" the girl's eyes welled with tears but she nodded and stuffed her mouth with Percy's flannel. 

He wrapped his arms around her from the side, where he was sitting and placed a kiss in the hair before counting down.

"3...2..." the boy didnt get to 1 before he pulled her up so she was sitting not laying down and with the movement came muffled screams and tears that flowed down the girls face. He was whispering sweet nothings in her ear as she lent into him and he repeatedly kissed her hair or forehead. 

"I'm sorry sunshine, I really am. When you're all better I promise you can hit me" he tried to uplift her but she could barely hear him. Her body shook and agony filled her every sense. He couldn't even express the guilt and regret he felt for the girl, immediately grabbing the nectar, and slowly taking his flannel out of her mouth. 

"You're doing great sweetheart" he says while slowly pouring the nectar into her mouth. Her head is resting against his shoulder as she swallows the drink down in small sips. After she drank it, Percy put it away and the girl began to close her eyes.

"Hey, hey, sunshine you can't be doing that right now. Come on I need to patch you up and then we need to get back to camp, I'll call blackjack. I know how much you like riding on him" he lifts her head off his shoulder and places her on the tree, but this time sitting up so he has easy access to her abdomen. 

She opened one eye and slightly smiled at the boy.

"You're gonna call blackjack?" the girl asked a bit delirious but seemingly in less pain. This brought a instant smile to him as he let out a chuckle, nodding his head while grabbing gauze and 2 bandage rolls.

"I promise I will, but you have to make sure to keep fighting okay. Once this is over, I have something special to tell you" He came loser to the girl and her breath slowed for a moment. 

He looked at her abdomen and a thought crossed his head that made blood rush to his cheeks, he was thankful the girl was delirious and it was dark or else he would simply wallow away. He cleared his throat and looked back up to the girl.

"I'm going to have to cut your shirt off so I can access the cuts and clean them properly" he looked into her eyes once but couldnt face her after that.

"okay" she whispered in return, locking her eyes onto his every move. 

The boy went back into his bag and grabbed a pair of scissors then faced the girl again. He could feel her watchful eyes on him the entire time and he hated to say it but that small voice in the back of his head was wishing she was a bit more delirious right now so he wasnt under her scrutiny while undressing her. Clearing his throat again, he begins to speak.

"Just tell me when to slow down or when to stop, if it gets too painful for you and I'll stop and slow down, okay" he looked to her for reassurance and an okay, to which she nodded.

He didn't know how to position himself so he just opted for kneeling next to her, facing her. He then grabbed the scissors and started to cut her top. Starting from the bottom to the top. As he reached the first claw mark the girl hissed as the shirt was stuck to the wound due to all the dried blood. Percy automatically stopped what he was doing. 

"No, no, keep going, don't stop now otherwise we will never get this done and I can't go back to camp cause I'll be dead" her honey-brown eyes were glossed with tears and the boy just wanted to hold her in his arms until the end of time in a place where they aren't fighting monsters all the damn time and in a place where they can settle down, have fun and just enjoy their life like regular teenagers.

"Don't say that so casually, you are not going to die. Not when you have me. Not when I'll always be here for you, patching you up, nursing you back to health forever. I will never in a million years let you die. I swear on the river Styx." 

She couldn't say anything to him, he will always render her speechless. She just nodded her head as tears cascaded down her cheeks to which he wiped away and placed a kiss on her forehead. Feeling the warmth off eachother brought a sense of peace to them that no one else could ever fill. 

He finished wiping her tears away and then continued cutting her shirt away from the wound. Every time she hissed, winced or flinched, the boy had the overwhelming urge to stop everything he was doing as long as it stopped bring her more pain. Whenever this would happen, the girl would softly squeeze his knee, as her hand was resting there to make sure he was still close to her and was still okay and breathing. 

This reassured him immensely but it did not stop him from the guilt that was drowning him. This would not have happened if it wasn't for him. She would not be in this position right now if he just chose someone else to go on the quest with. She had almost died due to his decision making. He chose her, he told her the plan, the plan that put her straight into danger, he didnt even second guess his choice, he put her into the battlefield without even asking her properly. Whatever he said went. 

The boy had not realised that during his intense self-loathing session, he zoned out and stopped the task at hand.

"Perce?" the girl asked while bringing her hand from his knee to his bicep. "Are you okay? whats going on in your kelp filled brain?" she said with a half smile as the boy looked up at her.

"Nothing, its okay. Just zoned out for a sec" he replied in an instant, looked away from her and continued to cut her shirt away. He was almost at her breasts and he could feel himself getting a bit hot. Obviously, there was no reason to in this situation but just being so close and intimate to her in a non sexual way made him flustered, he couldn't even imagine of it was in a sex- STOP. He shouted at his brain.

She let out a whimper of pain and a few laboured breaths as Percy carefully peeled her shirt of off the biggest wound she had. Her hand squeezed his knee harder than he would have liked her to but it didnt matter, not anymore, not when he caused this, not when he was the reason for her pain. 

He finally got it off the biggest cut and last cut and now he just had to cut the rest of the shirt off. No big deal right?

WRONG. 

The boy was telling himself to suck it up and just cut the rest of her shirt off but he was flustered. It was times like this that made him remember he was just a boy. He was just a boy with a silly crush. Except it isnt a 'silly crush' he was utterly in love with the girl. He tried to clear his head and at the same time, cleared his throat while he cut higher. 

He could feel her eyes watching him, he could feel how fast her heart was racing and he could feel how fast his own was racing. It was as though their hearts were in sync. Every beat was the same. 

Yes the girl felt flustered in this situation, she also couldn't help but want to tease the boy she loved. The girl had always grown up with a life where she never 'loved' anyone, not truly. To her love was always a very strong word in her dictionary but whatever she felt for Percy Jackson it was so powerful she felt as though she needed a word more meaningful than love. 

A word that expressed how everytime she thought of him, that specific memory of him will be branded in her brain forever to the point where even Hera could never make her forget him or forget the way he makes her feel.

He makes her feel alive, the most alive shes every felt in her 16 years of life.

"Are you blushing water boy?" the girl asked him with a half smile on her face and eyes half opened as she felt a sharp pain run through her, while also trying to control her own breathing at the same time. Percy didn't respond, he only kept cutting her shirt off, fingers lightly brushing over the material of her bra. 

She held her breath when he did that, whether it was on purpose of not, the feeling it sent through her body made her want to repeatedly bash her head against a solid wall while ripping her eyes out... in a good way of course. 

Percy finally cut her shirt fully off and it just slid down her arms and bunched at the bottom, near the tree. She felt exposed and could feel the goosebumps on her exposed skin. Percy didn't waste any time and grabbed a clean towel and his water bottle.

Before he could drenched it in water, she stopped him by kicking him with her uncompromised leg to indicate he needed to stop. This instantly stopped him and caused him to look at her. 

"Give me the water bottle before you soak the towel, if the water is warm it will work better and not hurt as much so i'll just heat it up" Percy thought about it for a second before he retaliated.

"You already aren't well enough to get off the ground, how on earth are you going to make it back to camp if you drain yourself of more energy. I know its going to hurt but it will either way, but getting you back to camp is the priority at the moment" Percy didnt want to say those words to the girl, he felt so bad for her and he couldn't help but blame himself. And when he looked into her eyes, like really looked into her eyes after he said that, he wished he could take it back.

Just looking at her made him want to give into her. 

"I can take it, I promise, I'll be okay enough to get back to camp, but I'm telling you now Percy, if I feel anymore extreme pain, I will just end up passing out. Please just let me do this." she tried to move closer to the boy but forgot about the fact that she literally could not move a single inch without his help. 

This just lead the boy to wrap his arm around her back and lent her against the tree again. He looked at her with a stern look.

"Okay, you win. But you have to promise on the river Styx that you will preserve every other bit of your energy for the ride back home." 

"I swear on the River Styx that I will preserve every other bit of my energy for the ride back to camp" He gave her one last look before giving her the water bottle. She focused some most of her energy to her hands and they started to glow. She took the bottle from percy's hand and he could feel the warmth radiate off of her. 

He looked at her in awe but if anyone else was there they would have told you that the boy was love struck. She opened her eyes and made sure to not boil the water. As it was simmering, she gave the bottle back to the boy and he instantly uncapped it and poured the, now warm, water onto the towel. 

"This is going to hurt... a lot, and by a lot i mean a lot, you might want to brace yourself" the boy said as he gave his flannel back to her and some ambrosia for her to eat before they start the painful part of fixing her up.

Aurora took both and muttered a small thanks under her breath before eating the ambrosia which was very pleasant to chew and then stuffed percy's flannel in her mouth again. She felt so weird but if she didnt and someone heard her scream bloody murder, they would get caught and the police would want them... again.

His ocean blue eyes met her honey eyes and he shared a look of regret and guilt before he wiped the dried blood away, starting from the bottom of her abdomen. She instantly clenched her jaw and recoiled as agony ran through her and her hand immediately shot out to grab Percy's wrist in a painfully tight hold to stop him from further cleaning the wounds that caused her pain.

"Sunshine, I know its painful, but I have to do this, I'm going to do this as fast and gently as I can but I will have to be rough at times" he gently takes his freehand to clasp over hers and took it of him and intertwined them while speaking to her. 

In his favour, it seemed that the energy it took the girl to warm the water up finally caught up with her as her hand lost most of its grip and her eyes closed slightly. He chuckled slightly and placed her hand back down next to her before continuing what he was doing.

He carefully but efficiently cleaned the areas surrounding her wounds while she was rejuvenating. He would hear muffled noises from time to time but other than that she was essentially knocked out. As he finished she seemed to feel less tired and her eyes opened wider than they did before.

"I'm almost finished sunshine, did you like your nap?" the boy questioned with a smirk but deep down he was glad that she kept her promise and she would have enough energy to go back to camp.

The girl nodded and looked at her abdomen. It was really clean and the wounds were barely bleeding anymore but she was fucking freezing. She shivered a little bit and percy could tell instantly.

"I've just got to bandage you up then you can put a jumper on. Okay?" he reassured her while taking the sterile dressing, he placed it over the 4 slashes and began to unwrap the dressing to bandage her up.

They both soon found the position to be quite awkward. 

Percy needed to bandage her whole abdomen which needed him to wrap the dressing over her back but she was lent up against the tree without a shirt on and unable to move to do it herself. He stopped to think of a good way to do this.

"Okay, I've got it. I'll lean you up against me and bandage your abdomen from behind." The girl thought for a bit before she agreed and the boy got up so he was only seen in her peripheral vision. He hooked his arms under hers and moved her along the ground to sit inbetween his legs. The position felt very compromising for both of them but it needed to be done.

She could feel his warm breath on her cold neck and she felt the urge to pass away because if thats how she passed, she would not mind. She held her breath as Percy begun wrapping her abdomen, she could barely feel the pain cause all she could think about and feel was him.

His breath on her neck, his fingers brushing her skin, how carefully he was handling her, like she would break at the wrong touch. He was everything she wanted, everything she needed. Everything they both deserved.

He quickly finished wrapping her up and he mentally called Blackjack from where ever he was right now. Before he could move or start to get things sorted he just looked at Aurora. She was peaceful. She looked ethereal under the moonlight, though she did look better under direct sunlight.

He decided to just stay still for a bit and wrapped an arms around the girl loosely as to not injure or hurt her more. They just needed some rest, no matter how long or short it was.

Both Aurora and Percy could hear the flap of Blackjacks wings so he quickly moved the girl back to lean against the tree while he packed everything away. Not before making sure to torniquet the girls leg where the wood piece was still protruding out of it. He made the decision before to not take it out as they both did not know how severe the injury underneath it was.

Percy grabbed a warm, woolly jumper from his bag and a blanket and gave both items to the girl before zipping it up.

"I'm going to find your bag and your bracelet before we leave, and before you say anything. I'm going to call Blackjack here to be with you before I look for them" he stated as he got up.

"Thanks a lot Perce, but before you look, how am I meant to put this jumper on without raising my arms and disrupting my bandages" Percy felt like an idiot. He dropped his bag back on the ground and knelt next to her carefully putting the jumper through one arms hole, then the next, then her head through.

Percy would never admit it there and then but he always loved when the girl would wear his clothes. It sent a warm fuzzy feeling through him knowing she was wearing his clothes, especially when she was willingly wearing his clothes. 

Similarly, Aurora would never admit it there but having Percy help her get changed into his clothes and help clean her up made her fall even more in love with him if that was even possible. She felt as though she was just falling into deep pit everytime he did anything for her or even just looked her way. 

He finished by wrapping her up in the blanket and chuckled when he saw how she looked... Exactly like a burrito. 

Blackjack came down and the girls eyes instantly widened at the sight of the creature. To which the boy just smiled at. Before he left to retrieve her bag and bracelet which were very easy to find. He quickly arrived back to the girl and Pegasus and was met with an adorable sight.

The Pegasus was on the floor next to the girl and was almost hugging her with its wing. Percy didnt think he could fall in love with the girl again but she has gone and proved him wrong, like always. 

"I've got your things sunshine, and I know its going to hurt but I'm going to have to pick you up to put you on Blackjack. Is that okay?" He knelt next to her and she nodded.

He wrapped an arm around her back and one under her knees, making sure not to hit the piece of wood and picked the girl up, quite easily, bridal style. It make them both feel fuzzy and warm inside. Even blackjack could feel the warmth.

He placed her sitting on the Pegasus so she would be infront of him when he got on. He then grabbed both of their bags and got onto blackjack himself. 

"You'd normally need to hold on tight to blackjack but I'll hold you okay? Just rest" The boy whispered in her ear as he gave her a peck on her cheek while she slowly drifted off and leaned her head back onto the boy's shoulder.

"Blackjack, No crazy flying today. We aren't at war today, its a rest day. Just take us back to camp, quick but not to the point we normally fly." Blackjacks reply left Percy with pink staining his cheeks and they made their way back to camp.

______________________________________________________________

OH MY FUCKING DAYS, I AM NEVER WRITING ANYTHING THIS LONG AGAIN

(such a fucking lie)

But I have to honest, apart from the small mental breakdowns. This was really fun to write. I love these two soo much.

When I went into this, I wanted to actually get them back to camp and I wanted them to confess but it was getting tooooooo long for that so if anyone wants a part 2, I'll gladly make it. Please dont critique me too much, this is still my first imagine 😭😭😭

I LOVE YOU ALL ❤️❤️❤️

unless you piss me off

#percy jackson x reader #percy jackson #percy series #percy pjo #pjo tv show #pjo fandom #pjo series #pjo #percy jackson x oc #percy jackson imagines #percy jackson imagine #percy jackson series #rick riordan #riordanverse #idk how tags work #idk how to work this app #first imagine #please be nice #totally not begging #i need moots #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan #medusa bae #walker scobell #happy birthday walker #i need ep 5 rn #gonna die #all-nighter #gonna go bed now #i need to sort my routine out

[somewhereincairparavel]

Hazel and Jason's dynamic is SO fucking disappointing now that I'm binge reading the books again. It was so frosty and distant. Jason was literally just mistrusted and "not like what she expected him to be" in 90% of her Hoo POVS it's sad really. I really wish they would bonded properly. So much potential for friendship just down the drain.

Hazel's unwillingness to forgive Jason for suspecting Nico was genuinely pissing me off I'm sorry 😭 like I never thought I'd get mad at Hazel of all people bc she is literally a sweetie, but she's infantilized way too much in the fandom, so her flaws are easily overlooked, but like she literally went all volcano on Jason and held a grudge against him till House of Hades too? Like I get that she worried about her brother and stuff I'd be mad too. But it's the fact that she selectively forgave Leo SO quickly and never even yelled at him (even though he's the one who started the suspicion in the first place even jokingly called nico creepy and stuff behind his back not that I'm trying to fault him or anything I love him)

look I'm not saying it's all Leo's fault or anything, in my opinion, both Jason and Leo were right to suspect nico because of how back and forth nico went from both camps without saying a word and also pretended to not know percy and stuff. So it's realistically shady behaviour from their pov.

But Hazel gets all sweet and soft on Leo because of Sammy and forgives him in a heartbeat, tbh tho she never really directed her anger on Leo in the first place so there was nothing to forgive. But when Jason apologizes, she gets all cold and frosty like accepting his genuine apology is the hardest thing she has ever done?? Like?? Hazelnut I love you and all, but you just accused Jason of unfairly judging nico but you ironically unfairly judged Jason and went all sweetheart on Leo?? Contradiction much?? Either forgive both of them or don't forgive either of them? Why the bias?

Then in HoH she goes on a whole lot of yapping about how she doubts his capabilities as if she didnt just idolize him like 5 minutes ago RIGHT after he encouraged her that she was doing well and included her as a part of the team?? Idk, she was so petty with him and for what?. I just found it unfair that Jason considered hazel a friend but she didn't consider him one and just fully went all judgy mode on him for the rest of the series. she holds on an even bigger grudge than nico lol. she literally did anything but forgive him or give him a chance. so ooc.

Also, In TOA, I found out Hazel told Apollo that she talked to Jason's ghost after he died, to yell at him about how much his sacrifice had hurt Piper :/ like rlly? Out of all the things you could say to a person you idolized who made a lifechanging sacrifice, you guilt trip him for the sacrifice instead of gratitude? Ig she may have been raging out of grief or something but I honestly didn't like the way their dynamic ended. So incomplete. Just another reason of why I found fanon way better.

Hazel coming in terms with the fact that jason is a boy, and not a legend would've been sm better. since the seven basically signifies friendship and comfort. him being a boy with feelings is basically the whole point of his character, but it only gets acknowledged by nico and leo. hazel of all people would've understood jason's internal struggle, she has literally come back from the dead, if anyone knows about struggle, its her.

#I honestly hope y'all don't misunderstand this post as hazel slander or something. i love that pookie #but its time we acknowledge that she is flawed and is not an innocent bean who can do no wrong simply because she is infantilized #I am just super salty at how Jason had like no closeness to anyone but leo and nico #the amount of slandering this man had to endure from ppl. like the hazel raging at him was such an unnecessary addition. #Hazel and jason could've had a great heart to heart scene #pjo #pjo fandom #percy jackson #pjo hoo #jason grace #pjo hoo toa #pjo series #annabeth chase #piper mclean #leo valdez #hazel levesque #frank zhang

[narwhalandchill]

how are we feeling about this project amber update

assuming this is in relation to childe bc who the fuck else JWDJWJKDJKW anon im so sorry if not. also so so sorry for how out of hand this got. i am simply unwell about him.

But! Well. there certainly are thoughts

(obviously 4.6 datamine of arle SQ and her voicelines; This Will Not Spoil Anything Abt The Main SQ Plot, i only discuss the relevant parts. also some p Heavy negativity towards fanon ooc at the start youve been warned dont @ me)

(i mean i didnt even read anything of the SQ but The scene w childe so idek the main plot of the quest rly either lmao. tho go at ur own risk if u wanna check the dialogue out; its the 2nd quest log but it does hint at the greater story)

TLDR: how i feel abt his appearance in a vaccuum? quite solid despite the briefness, actually. accounting for the way fanon is 100% likely going to be reading into this and turning it into the Lets Infantilize Ajax Even More 2024 championship? conflicted.

in other words; a certified labyrinth warriors moment - theyve expanded on childes character in a very interesting and quite a compelling way and while i Do like the potential in what im seeing from hoyos end theyve also done it so that its going to be misinterpreted to hell and back by fanon so i kinda have an immediate jaded love-hate moment going on JJWJDKJDKJWJDWKJ

its literally just labyrinth warriors flashbacks - that event has some of my ALL TIME favorite insights into who ajax is and how he views the world and himself but when the event came out all everyone cared abt was to warp it into baby boy stuck in scawwy paper boy dungeon dehumanizes himself by calling himself a weapon and doesnt love himself he is such a sad trauma meowkitten 🥺🥺so yeah

bc like lets look at this properly for a bit; okay he went back to fontaine to look for skirk still somewhat injured and waa waa my 286 month infant baby cannot Make decisions like that!!!!!11! which is to say. i am tired of him getting this shit every time.

is it smart of him to get on the move immediately with just the bare minimum of rest? no. do i like that hes straining himself before proper recovery? not particularly no. do i feel the particular need to psychoanalyze this grown man and feared warrior whos 100% survived Way Worse in Way More Extreme Situations for it? hell fucking no.

while not at all the course of action a medical professional would approve of. from childes POV its perfectly logical hes priorizing going back for skirk when its literally the FIRST TIME shes showed up in like. a Decade. when hes been looking for her all this time are you kidding me 😭😭😭 but fanon must keep fanoning for their widdle baby girl so what does a hater like me know

anyway. seething and venting over im gonna try to avoid bringing up how much i hate this kinda infantilization of ajax now im sorry for bringing it up so much on ur innocent ask anon KJWDJKWKJDJDKWJKD. neutral discussion moment. i Promise

so it seems that theyre going for the pulcinella-is-shady-about-ajax (and prolly his family) angle for good and like. personally for me as long as the only real source of that claim was scara (a cynical edgelord who doesnt believe in non-exploitative human relationships, mind you) i was rather skeptical towards just instantly drawing that conclusion, but well. with the scene in arles AQ it appears to be sth theyre building towards

i actually really fucking loved that scene bc while theres outsider perspectives (scara obvi; and even arles line for him has that vibe. and ppl still take that shit face value 💀💀) and a lot of fandom assuming childes like. completely clueless and naive and ignorant towards the potential risks involved with trusting pulcinella. this is actually a very clever demonstration of quite the opposite? and showcasing how despite his aversion towards schemes and lies hes still intelligent and knows the kind of people hes dealing with when it comes to his fellow harbingers

like. childe has a negative opinion of arle based on what pulcinella has told him about her because at face value many of her deeds are in heavy conflict with his values of loyalty and family. and because he does not have the further context behind her actions and what the HotH under her is really like. Obviously hed hold a very hostile and wary view towards arlecchino

(ESPECIALLY when with all this biased intel hes still going to run into kids from the house!!! and then hes going wtf? these are good kids. what the hell is that knave doing with them??? blink twice if you need help i will start a civil war for yall like thats how he is with kids!!!!)

so YES. pulcinella has given him if not false then at least misleading intel based on the political tension between himself and arlecchino and the wider HotH. and childes taken that at face value! sure! he is close with pulcinella of course he would!

BUT. THEN. he returns to fontaine and seeks arlecchinos help looking for skirk. and observes her behavior and modus operandi for himself as well as the kids. does he go "nah she must be just hiding the crazy evil shit i would never distrust pulcinella" and leave it at that when reality doesnt completely match his expectations?

NO. because when offered the opportunity through the traveler asking about the HotH childe immediately capitalizes on the opportunity to prod for answers and see if pulcinella is lying to him!!!!

and hes so fucking smart with the way he does it too???? i LOVE his intelligence. the entire thing is so simple yet elegant; it Completely relies on his reputation as the kinda gullible harbinger whod Never scheme or hide Anything to indirectly affirm or deny his suspicions. he doesnt Need to Pretend to care about the possibility of arle betraying the kids bc he genuinely does!! and when she pushes back against the accusation he doesnt Need to fake admitting to her that well, actually, its all just rumors so he could be completely wrong. and so on. like he navigates the entire thing so effortlessly. and whats the end result?

childe has Confirmation of pulcinellas possible ulterior motives in action AND that arlecchino is a much more reliable ally than he initially assumed. all the while appearing as just The Straightforward 11th. like obviously id need to hear it voiced first to be sure but in text it v much gives the impression hes almost kinda just. playing up the threats towards arle and being "dumb" on Purpose?? to get the answers he wanted out of arle without appearing like hes fishing for anything particular. and i just hhhhhhhhhhh

i love when he does this so muchhhh!!!!!! 😭😭 he doesnt need to become some machiavellian schemer to be able to strategize !!!!!! he avoids scheming bc he Dislikes it not bc hes incapable of it like this has Always been the case Since Liyue AQ and i love whenever they show that side of himm . my Beloved

so anyway. while i do still think the like "pulcinella is bad and has his family hostage" is still kind of a generic plotline and i hope the writing regarding the whole thing wont ultimately turn out to be sth That simplified and black and white. its p clear theyre doing Something with pulcinellas motivations and as they are. im Really glad theyre letting it show that childes not just some completely passive party being manipulated in this all. he Is thinking abt this stuff and his position among the harbingers. ig we shall see where it goes - not the greatest fan of the concept still, but canon text supports it becoming a thing way more than when it was just scaras word we had for it. hope theyll surprise me positively w how they go about it!

then briefly for the rest uhh

also loved arle and childe just shittalking the rest of the harbingers it was amazing. i wasnt expecting this kinda dynamic between them at all but its great lmao. also i wanna see childe hang out w the HotH kids

as for project stuzha; so we dont really get anything solid on it other than being summoned back to snezhnaya for it is apparently a Big Deal. but still very interested. let my man have his endgame significance Trust

childes appearance was obviously v brief ultimately but that was clear from his leaked linecount to begin with - i am pretty satisfied with what they seem to have done w him. like its not The Best but also i wasnt expecting his lore to get some massive expansion in another harbingers SQ . the worst i feared was that it was just going to be a flashback of arle returning his vision which did Not happen so massive W. i am super hyped to hear this scene voice acted proper and happy to see him again, i really hope he gets to appear at least once more in an interlude or dains quest or something before going on hiatus again but idk if thats too much to ask LKKWJDJWDJWD

also: i am never changing my namecard after this patch drops. oh my godddddddd its So Fucking Beautiful 😭😭😭😭

But. Yeah. lots of good stuff. unfortunately lots of it will get misinterpreted and fanon will get obnoxious about it. but i still love getting to see him again and i am speedrunning that namecard day fucking one mutuals and/or followers in EU please add me (UID 711090267) ill need coop buddies for the world bosses

thank youuuuuuu for the ask i hope this monstrosity of a monologue doesnt scare u off 💀💀💀

#im actually so sorry for dumping this on you anon i Really hope this was what you were referring to bc . if not then JJWDJKADJKDW #ill feel horrible 😭😭😭😭 but also. this is the brand i have no clue What Else would it be #i Guess it could be about arlecchino as a whole ? im sorry anon i didnt actually read the entire SQ log so idk yet how it all goes #but sure ask me abt my arle thoughts if ud like after this jumpscare once the patch has gone live jjkjkdjkwjkjkdw #also 286 months is 23 years 10 months. no i dont have an age hc for him set in stone or anything but eh . its in the ballpark #asks #aaaand unsurprisingly this goes into #childeposting #genshin

[cult-of-the-eye]

MAG 86 here we goooo

Ok so I actually listened to this like a few days ago but I never got round to looking at the transcript but HERE I AM

God this is the blanket never did anything one

He says tucked in so fucking menacingly like Jesus Christ man

TIM MY LOVE

I can't get that one post out of my head that says how Tim was the furthest from being taken by the Eye cause he keeps tripping up on pronunciations and stuff in statements that other archival staff wouldnt honestly it's such a genius take

Oh shit this is getting really long I'll add in a read more

God I love how he's rebelling in every sense, he's doing the bare minimum, he's literally warning people away from it

It's kind of interesting the way he always thought the statement stuff was stupid but in the whole of season one and a lot of season two he managed to hide his distaste pretty well, like even when he lashed out at Jon about the Prentiss incident, he still didn't say that the statements were stupid, but he's saying it behind his back - maybe some part of him knew that Jon needed the statements to work and some part of him still felt for him enough to not point that out

He's kinda dramatic with it as well but I feel like in more of a self aware way than jon

You can feel his distaste honestly the statement just sounds wrong coming from him, which is interesting cause I didn't think that about when Martin did it

So he's mad at the fact that he put effort into a job that he wasn't even that comfortable with in the first place and now he's trapped in? Not about the monsters??

Jesus Christ Tim being a bit of a dick to melanie

HE BLAMES MARTIN????? Damn bro you weren't there how could you tell he didn't do it properly??

I think he's mad at himself for not being there and deflecting it on to martin

She likes that it's quiet!!! That's cute

Martin's not big on change AH neurodivergent vibes

All the archival staff are literally queer and neurodivergent you can't change my mind

Also the fact that he thinks that's the biggest reason why martin doesn't want Melanie around, not the Horrors and the same reason as Tim

I think Tim is refusing to think that Martin might see the situation in the same way as him because if he does then it means Tim's way of dealing might not be the best way and that's an unacceptable thought to him

Suspicious and resentful - my man is self aware I think he knows the way his path is going (hurtling towards destruction) but is too stuck shaking his fist at god to try and get out or he's sort of known his whole life that this is where he was supposed to end up, a terrible fate created by his own two hands that dug their own way down to rock bottom and he's just so tired of trying to do anything about it that he's just accepted it

SASHA OH GOD

Wow seeing firsthand the effects of the stranger, the way neither Tim nor Melanie can remember the real Sasha, but Tim has to live with the fact that he didn't notice and Melanie has to live with the fact that she did, but can't prove it

WHO AM I EVEN SAD FOR

AUGH I THOUGHT SOMEONE MADE THAT UP I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS CANON OH GOD

He lost his FRIEND and he DIDN'T REALISE and he STILL DOESN'T KNOW THE WHOLE TRUTH AUGH

Oh I wonder why he left the tape running? I'd think he would've forgotten to turn it off but if so I feel like he'd have that shocked moment of remembering which he didn't

Maybe he wanted proof of the conversation? Maybe it was a warning to anyone listening to the tapes? See firsthand how terrible it is at the Magnus Institute so you don't work here? I dunno

Ha I had to ask my lovely mutual @melandrops to explain what a marker was

Oh god honestly this statement fucked me up I completely understand why people hate it I hate it

I was so scared of the dark as a kid and the idea of being reduced to that state of lack of awareness and vulnerability is actually terrifying

Also the dude dying in the blanket???? Ew ew ew

Love the fact that tma doesn't just go with a oh shit I forgot a torch so it was pitch black kinda horror but the I brought a torch, I even brought spare batteries but it still did nothing which in my opinion is even scarier

Oh god her whispering the blanket never did anything that was horrifying

Melanie was actually so good at giving the statement girl really got into it

I was also talking to @melandrops about archivist!Melanie cause I think that would be really interesting... she'd definitely bring a more proactive vibe to the role...

It's interesting to think that Melanie and Jon hated each other at first sort of because they're so alike? It's like the we are made of the same stuff (derogatory)

Love how she just checks out the dead guy

The way she's denying it even though she's literally had paranormal experiences before that's so Jon core she would be a great archivist

JON????

Oh shit I just realised he's labelled as Archivist...when did that happen??

That's so funny he's like bitch maybe I do have reason to kill you

Hmm nice touch of Melanie being like do you guys not want me cause I'm a girl?? Is this misogyny??? Good guess but unfortunately it's worse

It's quite nice that Jon's trying to save her even though the meetings about helping him and her quitting would mean he'd lose the one informant he might have in the institute

Shot in the leg by a ghost in India????

Ha Tim hates you and Martin's probably being watched

Love how Tim's hatred for Jon is so visceral and known that they don't even bother watching him

I bet Elias would delight in knowing about Martin's little crush on Jon and how Jon actually hated him in season one and then how their relationship progresses he'd thrive on the drama and the angst the little bastard

Ok ok it's good that he's on the right track, he guesses it was elias

Wait the whole murder was on tape... WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT TAPE??? DID ELIAS TAKE IT??? COULD IT BE USED AS EVIDENCE???

YES MELANIE IS BEING CAUGHT UP (info style) BUT ALSO NO MELANIE IS BEING CAUGHT UP (web style)

#gonna be honest guys #i did have to scroll through cute animal videos for a good 20 minutes after #just to calm myself down #anyhoo #tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin k blackwood #tim stoker #sasha james #not sasha #elias bouchard #melanie king #mag 86 #tucked in #the blanket never did anything #tma headcanons #tma reactions #the eye #the dark #the stranger #cult listens to tma

[vineofroses]

tagged by @callivich which im thankful for because im always ready to talk gallavich

What’s a fic you’ve read multiple times? Teenagers Scare the Living Shit Out of Me by Mellow_Yellow. I love this fic -- it's a great mystery, ian and mickey's relationship is very sweet but realistic. and i looooove mickey's uncle ronnie. also SPOILER but i do blame this fic for ruining tony for me lol. every time i see Tony on the show now im always side eyeing him haha.

What’s an idea you’d love to create if you had the time/inspiration? Probably a post-canon fic about Ian finding his way back to doing what he loves. I love EMT!Ian an dit makes me so sad that he didnt get to end the show that way. i'd want the fic to properly explore the barriers he runs into in becoming an EMT again as an ex-con. and i'd want it to explore ian and mickey's dynamic when it comes to ian's bipolar disorder now. seasons 4 and 5 are so good but they were obviously so tumultuous for both of them but i feel like seasons 10 and 11 they don't really ever talk about those seasons and how they've grown in that specific area. i think that would tie nicely into ian working to become an EMT again.

What’s something you’ve discovered since entering this fandom? A new trope you love? A different analysis of the show? Something else? I don't want to be super negative here but I will say when i first started dipping my toes into the shameless fandom i noticed a lot of hate for ian -- in fics and youtube comments, mostly. it confused me a lot because gallavich is such a popular ship that it made no sense to me how people could hate 1/2 of that ship. so any time i saw that level of hate directed toward ian, my love for ian kept growing until i have now become a staunch defender lol. but i have also come to realize that i think a lot of that came from people's intense love for Mickey and for Noel. and i know people held a lot of anger while the show was airing when Noel left the show. i can see how watching ian in seasons 6-8 move on without mickey would be frustrating. i really don't agree with any of that, but knowing where a lot of it comes from makes it easier to understand. (also noting that people could just be ableist dickheads, too, and to those people i say fuck you.) sorry if this question was supposed to be a positive one but that's my answer.

What’s an underrated trope or concept you’d like to see more of? maybe fics where we see mickey doing his research on bipolar disorder. he walks into the gallagher kitchen with so many bottles and vitamins and is spouting off drug facts like he's being tested on his knowledge. like, i just want to see him doing research for his boyfriend!

What’s your favourite season? And has this changed after multiple rewatches of the show? Arrghhh this is almost impossible to answer. I think overall that seasons 4 and 5 have the strongest writing. I would probably place season 4 slightly ahead of 5 purely for the rushed and chaotic ending of 5. Season 4 just hits so hard. But in terms of specifically Ian's story, i love season 6 and parts of season 7.

What’s a plot hole you wish had been answered or resolved? It's not exactly a plot hole but I kinda wish they brought Clayton back in some way, especially in the later seasons. (ok also this isn't gallavich related but wtf was that moment in season 6 when tony returned just to tell ian he was gay??? we never him again after that?? lol)

What scene or moment do you feel isn’t discussed enough? the scene in the military prison where ian's listening to his entire family talk about his mental state like he isn't sitting right there. my god that scene breaks me. ian's silence speaks so loudly. it makes so much sense why he runs away with monica shortly after. i kinda also wish someone explained to the gallaghers how hurtful it is for them to keep comparing ian to monica, that just because they're both bipolar it does not mean he's gonna do the same shit as her. i so wish there was way more understanding on their part, and to stop throwing that in his face.

What do you think is next for Ian and Mickey post-finale? I want them to continue settling into their life and finding out their comforts. maybe finding somewhere else to live. i looove ian but i wasn't fan of the way he signed for that apartment without speaking to mickey so i'd like to think they find somewhere they can both truly call home. and that ian can find his way back to healing and helping people.

#shameless #gallavich #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich

[hatgame]

Hat kid please hat kid

Okkk sooooo

species hc: she and bow are both sentient time pieces of sorts, rewinding time when damaged enough to when they were fine and thus being kind of immortal. the only people aware of the rewinds are the undead

more under the cut

i really like shane frosts backstory for her: her parents forced her to grow up earlier than necessary and she made the decision to run away, which, leaving her to fend for herself, forced her to grow up as well. its a sad story, but hat kids not necessarily a sad kid.

i used to commonly portray her as sleepy and calm, her head in the clouds, and while i still think of her that way a lot, shes become much more multifaceted to me nowadays.. i think this part of her is mainly evoked to me thru her being showed in bed both at the very beginning and end of the game, as well as (mainly blue) time rifts feeling like dream worlds.. as well as the game always feeling incredibly dream like to me.

shes also definitely impulsive and mischevious, often growing childishly malicious. refuses to view adults as an authority and so makes fun of or otherwise doesnt take seriously any who try to assert their dominance. if another kid tries to do that it might work though

also, while understandably not a skill most kids have, shes pretty good at not taking things to heart or otherwise distancing herself from situations or people. this is something she developed early when she ran away from her parents. that doesnt mean her fallout with mu didnt hurt her though..

shes a lonely kid craving recognition and attention despite sometimes willingly pushing people away. in the very beginning of the game, although very quietly, her alarm clock voices her todo list for the day, with one of the points being something along the lines of "draw faces on rocks and pretend theyre people" which, while obviously meant to be humorous, still hints at (or outright states) hat kids loneliness and lack of desire for solitude.

that said i do not think that's why she did the bff contract lol i think she did that out of pettiness and because she thought thatd be really funny. i dont think she wanted to genuinely befriend snatcher from seeing some hidden heart of gold in it. i think it was a bit

you could say shes canonically scared of them because shes portrayed as such in one of the final journey storybook pages

i agree but actually disagree. i personally believe this is her after their first encounter, before properly understanding what his deal is, not even necessarily tragic backstory wise.. in her diary entries she expresses infinite confusion and disbelief at being forced to do evil community service. which doesnt even seem to directly benefit the scary person thing. its making her deliver mail to its among us babies. also the justification for vanessas manor is so funny hes like steal something from there. and then he doesnt even ask to keep whatever hat kid takes. also she calls snatcher weird on multiple occasions like it just completely saturates her view of him. whatever initial intimidation she had just melts away because hes just some weird person thing. not even really malicious just abnormal

which is why its very hard for me to believe shes hurt by death wish. frustrated and gamer raging? sure lol. but i feel like its like Ohhhhh so this is just genuinely what dead people hanging out equivalent is like? trying to kill each other? (quality time w snatcher) ummmmm ok.. kind of weird though lol. but fun. she ❤️ outfit

ok now regarding the tsundere thing. i do not think she is sincere there. at all. i think shes making fun of him. with the only genuine implication being that the way he is behaving is not sincere. hes not necessarily soft just different. also shes like i do not know what this thing thinks of me. were friends i think. i dont know. (i think they become actual friends later on :) )

with empress i think shes actually intimidated by her, regards her pretty highly and gets actually scared and embarrassed when trying to get what is very clearly her stuff back. but not scared enough to not return to the metro or mess around eating food on the clock. i think they eventually make up

#text #dove dont look #3 paragraphs on snatcher again head in hands #ummmm ill maintag. people do that w their hcs sometimes. why not #ahit #a hat in time #hat kid

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Amber!!!! I just LOVE your Ransom x kitten AU so much 🥺❤️

Now that he may be starting to catch feelings, could we get a glimpse of how Ransom would try to comfort reader when she was sad, please?! 🥺

I’m such a hoe for Ransom trying to awkwardly comfort 🥺❤️ It makes me so soft for that broken boy!

Love your writing, my talented friend 🫂❤️

What wouldn't this man do for Kitten? He just gonna deny it though, he has a supposed reputation as a play boy to maintain after all. LOL, thanks Carly! I love imagining Ransom getting all worked up wanting to make it better for her.

One Fish, Two Fish.

Summary- A fish passing brings up old memories and some unchecked feelings on Ransom's part.

Ransom x Kitten Masterlist

Ransom doesn't "do relationships"

He just doesn't. They are messy and complicated, more effort than he was willing to put effort into. Fucking with you and letting you go back to Neil was just better in the long run, you both had this understanding that even when you two werent together, you two were still able to enjoy the benefits of being together.

This really was a win win for everyone.

But when he called about a possible hook up, you sounded sad. The kind of sad that bled into his damn heart and made him want to make it better.

This was why he didnt want this. Your tone was close to teary on the other end and instead of hanging up, he asked you what was wrong.

"Nothing." You lied to him, sniffling. "I'm over reacting."

This was his chance to drop it, lay out his proposal and see what you said. But his heart was traitorous to his mind. "Kitten, you are a terrible liar, I thought I taught you how to do that properly. Now tell me what is wrong."

You gave a watery chuckle and relented easily. "You know that betta I insisted on buying?"

"The one you just had to have cause it looked sad at that pet store?" Ransom recalled it like it was yesterday even though it was years ago. Well before you two fought.

This half-dead betta was floating in one of those little plastic to go containers and you grabbed it like you were its last chance.

Fuck you might have been, he didn't know anything about fish.

You managed to talk him into getting all the stuff at that pet store while you held the fish container to your chest, now and then lifting it to talk to him, promise him that you were gonna give him a better life. Back then Ransom remembered thinking this was the dumbest thing he had done, save a fish. But for you, he would have.

After all, he was trying to score with you.

Now he looks back on that memory with a softer view, looking beyond getting his dick wet. You saw this tiny life that in the grand scheme of everything wouldn't have made a difference in the future, he thought back then.

Now, he wished he could bring that fish back for you.

"Yeah, I found him this morning." You sniffled. "He died."

"I'm sorry Kitten." He wracked his brain trying to think of what to say to make it better. "Um- Neil offer to go get you another one?"

"No, he didn't care about him. He just kinda brushed it off this morning."

Ransom could have sworn he saw red. How could that prick not even realize how much this would upset you? Even he knew that it would have made you sad for the day. "Kitten, you gave him a good life, much better than that shit establishment did."

"You really think so?" You asked, your tone softer, but less watery. Ransom could tell that you were feeling a bit better about it.

"Of course, he was just in that tiny little tub with nothing. You made me buy that large tank and all those plants for one fish."

"Well, he deserved it after what they put him in." You defended your choices, making Ransom chuckle on the phone.

"That fucking fish lived like he was Neptune. They all should get that lucky."

The phone call ended on a better note, no Ransom didn't get the exact hook-up results he wanted, but you were better when he hung up.

But he wasn't done there. Making a couple phone calls, Ransom had a delievery sent to your office. An arrangement of flowers with a small note tucked into it, as well as a gift card to the local pet store near your home.

~Go save another fish, Kitten.

The next morning he was sent a photo text of a little tiny fish in the big tank he had purchased for you way back then.

~Meet Neptune!

~He is a little scrawny minnow, isn't he?

~Why he came home with me.

#ransom drysdale and you #ransom and kitten #ransom x kitten #ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale fluff #ransom drysdale au #ransom x you #knives out au #amber writes #sweater writes #amber answers #chris evans characters

[weirdlizard26]

ok hello hi in honour of me finishing season 6 of dr who i will write out my impression of it before starting s7! that there WILL be spoilers so im putting it under the cut!

first things first, it was definitely a HUGE improvement from s5 in my opinion. like it was in general just a lot more enjoyable for me, though still not quite satisfactory. i think matt smith finally got properly into the role too which is nice.

still. this season was deeply unsatisfying. there were so many interesting threads that i feel just didnt go anywhere or didnt get nearly enough development.

1) i thought the "youre my best friend" scene btwn amy and the doctor was very very sweet but i felt it just came out of nowhere? she spent the entire s5 having to "choose" between him and rory and i do appreciate their friendship but i wish they had more time to really develop that kind of relationship

2) i was honestly so happy to see 2 companions throughout this whole season! i think it makes up for a really fun dynamic :]

3) i love rory with all my heart hes such a sweetheart but i feel a little weird about his character development? it definitely makes a lot of sense seeing as how hes 2k years old at this point but it just feels to me like that was done at amy's expense? it feels like shes denied the same development time and time again and i dont like that. i will be honest i don't like her as a person and that in part is due to her behaviour in s5 (i will never fucking forgive them for that scene where she confessed to the doctor it was so dumb and so deeply unpleasant but i digress) BUT i think shes an interesting character and wasnt done justice. like!!! the way i see it, she is contrasted with all the previous companions by the fact that shes not that great of a person. which isnt a bad thing! she had such a huge potential for growth but it felt like every time she learned a lesson she forgot it the very next episode or it just felt like it just didnt matter in the grand scheme of things. which i blame on the writing, in case that wasnt clear. great potential, terrible performance

4) and now for the loose threads.

4a) madame kovarian was such an intriguing villain and the sneak peaks we got of her only hyped it up but then i feel that just went nowhere? she served cunt for one whole episode where she wasnt even the main focus and then died. and im assuming she didnt REALLY die given this is doctor who after all but her participation in this season specifically was deeply disappointing to me.

4b) in the same vein, i really wish we could see more of melody and more specifically her upbringing and training. all that teasing of "the woman who murders the doctor" only for her to try to kill him for half an episode and suddenly become "one of the good guys" as soon as he makes sad wet puppy eyes at her?

4c) in the same vein (again) all the teasing of how river and the doctor meet and fall in love and then when she meets him for the first time they dont even get to spend any time together to bond and actually develop any real feeling for each other? and then they just get married for no reason other than it was teased? "i love you more than any living being in the universe" bold statement for a girl who met him ~twice~! it was all so intriguing but it just fell flat in the end.

4d) now dont get me wrong. i fucking hated the ending scene of mid season finale. "um actually all of this horror is your fault because you did too good of a job saving people so now people who want to do fucked up shit are scared of you and want to kill you. if only you didnt save all those people so good we wouldnt be in this situation!" like do you realize how ridiculous that is. even so! that literally didnt fucking go anywhere. was it just supposed to be a one-off guilt trip that never gets addressed again and doesnt change anything other than anger me? what was the purpose of that. it was said as if it was leading up to some huge character discovery moment for the doctor but then it just. didnt. he just left to look for melody.

4e) "i didnt want you to die without making you see how much people love you" yeah and. yeah? go on? oh? we're just leaving it at that? no old friends coming together to save his ass and yell at him abt how much they care about him? other than the justice whatever that we saw in ONE episode and who didnt even get any help from the doctor lending him their robot suit? ok.

4f) all that build-up to accepting your fate and being at peace with death (which like. we've already done all that with ten and i loved that arc but whatever ok lets do it again i guess) only for him to not die was. a little disappointing? i mean dont get me wrong im glad hes ok but it just felt empty bc it didnt lead to anything. and like again i LOVED the solution to that particular puzzle! of course the doctor lies and of course he'll find a way to cheat death again thats what he DOES but its just upsetting that that whole build-up was virtually for nothing

ok thats all for now. in conclusion, s6 was much better than s5 for me but still disappointing. hoping s7 will pick up!

as always i welcome any and all comments and discussion just be niceys to me

#wl26 #watch log #dw log

[straykats]

I did a whole album review again may I… pass it across the table to you 👀👏🏼 (aka can we exchange thoughts)

hehe hi izzy here is my lil review (that isnt much of a review and more a reaction/commentary thingy, as all my stuff always is HAHA) BUT !! imma read ur review now and kinda make comments in relation to yours? like a really bad one way email discussion hm AHAHA i avoided reading ur review until i did mine so i don't go into the album with other thoughts (although??? i've listened to all the songs on the album at least once before doing the 'review' so?? idk man HAHA) anyways relistening to the album as i read through yours/reply below HAHA sorry to make this kind of a two-part thing heh (with the review post and then this as well) (dont feel pressured to read both 😭😭)

hall of fame // i agree, it's such a good intro to the album with it's message // yeah the bass is so COOL AND OMGOMG YOUR SCI-FI COMMENT RIGHTTTTTTT RIGHHHHHHHHHTTTTTT i thought i was a weirdo for comenting on the alien-esque sounds (thats what i called that recurring riff in the background AHHA)

s-class// your comment about it showing a bit of everything? so true.

item // yes @ having changbin and lix do the 'item' lines // omg i didnt mention this in my post but i love the vocal pre-chorus thing // oh!! you mentioned the mix of happy and aggressive and it reminds me of one of my first thoughts on the song: okay hear me out idk how to explain this but i feel like if anyone can get me its you HAHAHA so this song gives me like. hacker vibes. BUT LIKE but like the happy go-lucky hacker that acts kinda childish and takes risks and is really. tricksy. like they hack in a way that annoys people and they leave little messages on their targets screen or smth idk man HAHA but like on this relisten of the song and ur mention of the aggressiveness, i'm seeing less of an individual and more of a group? like, a.. rebel kinda group but not rebel. i forgot the word. but like you have ur happy go lucky hacker, you have ur aggressive gunsmen or weaponsmaster and your sniper and the cool leader that always smirks (like think kuroo tetsurou but the Cool part of him not the annoying or dorky part HAHAHAHAH i miss him <//3) and like this song gives me a SUPER specific vibe that i want to write as a fic ARGH

super bowl // yeah i love the chanting/group lines !! it kind of really fits the vibe of this song? cant explain it properly. but haha i applaud u for loving the whispers w headphones; im gently cringeing JNVDJSKNVJDSK HAAHAHA

topline // this song would be so funny at concerts bc everyone will say fuck and then chan will have another meltdown // YES the transition to jisung's verse from tiger jk's is so uGH AND THEN TO HYUNJIN THAT WAS SO SMOOOOOTH // yes this is such a concert song i just hope its one of the songs where they can run around the stage freely bc for the final chorus i can see them hyping up the crowd w them and it would be so fun

get lit // YES THE LIL TRILL THING AFTER 'dance like crazy' right theyre so fun theyre so nice they're so--- wait i though i was typing in caps this whole time (i was reading ur comments while typing and just looked over LMAO) im having so much fun w that part on the piano. its stressing me a little but in a really good way like its so fun // really interesting (that sounds really rude/like online forced politeness and i dont mean it that way okay ily i mean genuinely interesting) how ur seeing this as such a happy cute song and in my thing i was like 'god this song is so bittersweet and sad' HAHAHAHA like YES it does have a lot of happy fun vibes to it (i called it a 'tropical' vibe LOL) but smth is also like. hm. // by little vocals at the end, did you mean the lalalalas? bc yeah same hehe

get lit // ur comment about the bass FJDKD UR RIGHT but im sorry idk why im laughing ur comment just made me laugh // yeah that verse really is harsh, i didn;t notice before // YEAHH THE CHORUS SYNTHHHHHH it kinda gives me like. i can see a girl group going nuts to this but in a really good way idk how to explain it haha // WAIT THATS HYUNJIN W THE SLURRED LINES????? // yes the little sound at the end hehehe

collision // RIGHT RIGHT THE TRUMPETSSSSSS // dont mind quickly editting my post to include collision as one of my favs. i forgot 💀 // i see you are having a lot of verse 2 > 1 moments hehe // yeah the phone ringing !!!!! its so cool i HBVJDSBVHJSVHSJ

fnf // yeah felix vocals :(((((((( love sm and then followed by hyunjin too i ahhbvdsjbvhsjbvhs // oh i only just paid attention to the lyrics bc of ur comment and now im feelin a lil sad HAHA // oh omg hyes it does give tmt vibes // ohoho??? gotta find out what chan said about 'catching up'

youtiful // smth about channo opening it feels so comforting, right? like, the whole song is comforting and feels like sitting on a rooftop swaddled in blankets with them (all of them, one of them, some of them) but opening it w chan specifically was the cherry on top. // omg yeah the disney vibes >>> // (re: one of ur comments) that was the saddest 'woohoo love that for me' ive read in my life

and i'll stop here. sorry again if this was such a long response ahhh heehfhshjs but it was really fun to make my own comments and then listen to the album again and read ur comments.

#decembermoonskz #kat answers #sorry it took me like almost a whole week to get around to this 😭😭

[newty]

dion fic ch2 meta and edit process!

this chapter kicked my butt! i did not expect it to get so long but overall i like the places i went to a lot. overall i think that in a perfect world, there's a lot i would have extended and lingered on more, but the work it would take + the return it would give wouldn't be that different. i wanted to move on rather than beat over the same themes in the name of a smoothly completed scene. i think this choice is evident in the way each scene ends a bit abruptly.

this was the hardest chapter to keep my limited 3rd person pov active tho omg. terence and kihel had so many thoughts that i had to hold onto for later while dion made everything about himself. this chapter was full of demands on terence, but it also will be the end of dion's passivity after he realized that he was party to his own 'uselessness.'

i like that i was able to keep dion's relationship with kihel a little fraught, too. i didnt want them to be immediately buddy-buddy in some kind of Destined Together vein, so it was important for me to keep giving them misunderstandings and things that isolated them from each other.

their conversation while gathering yarrow is also a mess i enjoy. kihel doesn't have the ability to express herself as succinctly as dion does, so it becomes extremely one-sided, awkward, and confusing with too many emotions that don't get properly tied up. walking away and not addressing that (beyond some lousy attempts) was important to me. they're all in an extremely uncomfortable situation and nothing will relieve that but time (and more earnest but lousy attempts).

i think that the aether floods disappeared within a few weeks or less of the game's end. people still avoid those areas from superstition, which freed up moore for some bearer irony. at first i wanted to fill the town with branded while the chapel operated like a sanctuary for those in worse health, but then i narrowed the whole operation to the chapel and ahmed. the dragon was also irony re: doing its job rly bady and being a confused angry disabled weapon that terence has to smack down with

speaking of terence. hes exhausted. i wanted to give the dragon fight some Real Repercussions but after dion went thru his whole church monologue i was like. yeah no i dont need to add another thing to the pot rn. i also wanted him comparatively healthy to dion and his rock skin.

anyway. worming in part of the eucharistic prayer/roman canon into dions orgasm was probably top tier blasphemy im ngl. that sex scene was an absolute MESS of half-conversations and lifelong guilt. at some point i sat there like. if these bitches dont stop being sad abt the One good thing ive allowed them, im gonna have to find Another way to get them to be shitty dads and leave a re-traumatized girl home alone so they can try again.

have i mentioned lately that i love writing idiot men that find increasingly convoluted ways to validate their increasingly selfish decisions. bc. theyre back.

regardless, the bit of prayer after my shameless lifting of ascension lyrics is from an intersession to st george. shout-out to the prof dragon killer himself but hes got good violent prayers. i also made a really accidental shout-out to ffx tidus/yuna kiss and had to stare at a wall for 15 minutes until i decided i was NOT going to rewrite it into smth else. i just like the ocean and wanted to incorporate part of its danger into snapping dion out of his emotional suicide plan. and terence's tattoo is ffiii bahamut by amano.

next chapter is The Family Problems I Ignored And Compartmentalized For 30+ Years Are Coming Back To Bite Me In The Ass Now That I've Started My Own Fantasy Family. and TERENCE POV, FINALLY

#can i just talk abt how despite how the games camera #lovingly gives us shots of dions butt all the time #it came out so blurry in my edit. #look i could have franksensteined another screenshot on him #like their heads #but i didnt wanna commit to rebuilding Everything bc i am one tiny person #and ultimately i would like them to stop looking at dions ass #so we can start talking abt his RIGHT ARM THAT HE NEEDS TO FIGHT BEING CORRUPTED HELLO??? #the coloring on terence too. oh my god. never again (i will do it again) #brihamut's mercy #the light i hear

[playboynanners]

i wanna start off by telling u i am sorry!! i wanna tell u about all this crazy shit in my head, and want to open up and want to talk about my feelings but no matter what, i just cant make out the right words...? like it feels like cant properly put my thoughts and emotions into words i guess??

all i want to do right now is cry and scream and let it all out because its killing me inside. i cant take it anymore. i feel weird. i dont want to do anything. i always feel tired. i dont have any energy. a part of me broken. something is def weighing on my heart. i just feel so fucking suffocated. i feel like i am so far behind in life that i will never catch up. everyone is doing so many things with their lives. and i am just here. i really dont think i can do this its getting dark again. and im afraid. im too tired to carry on. i want MYSELF back bro is that too much to ask for? i deffff know its getting bad because even sleep and music dont help and i feel sick all the time and i just want to disappear. i really feel like there is no happy ending for me . thats why getting through the days is hard rayen i honestly from the bottom of my heart know its all for nothing. u guys are waiting for me to get over it, to finally do something with my life, and i know u guys are getting impatient. but what u guys dont know is that im already gone. i dont like who i am. there is nothing good about me. i am sick of wasting my time. i am worn out. i so fucking tired. the anxiety consumes me at times i feel like i cant breathe i cant think straight intrusive thoughts of self distraction consume my mind i am sooo fucking sick of this version of myself!!!!! im fucking tired of the poor choices i keep making. i truly believe i have hit rock bottom. this is the humblest i have ever been because my ego has nothing to be proud of. i know i knowww it is important to be gentle with myself but its also crucial to be honest. im not taking care of myself. im doing drugs, im on social media all day. i either dont eat healthy, or i dont eat at all. i dont exercise. i watch things that arent positive and go to sleep and wake up late. i am sick to my stomach as i write this. i just want to go up from here because i cant live this way anymore. i dont wanna live this way anymore. but like if you never felt like the way i do right now... the drained , depression . WORTHLESS feeling ... then u cant say shit about me "getting better starts with yourself bs" LIKE UH ? YEAH I HATE MYSELF AND DONT GIVE A FUCKKKKK ABOUT NUN SO WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??? like i honestly didnt even think i would be alive at my age i thought i wouldve been dead by 20 so u can only imagine how lost i feel lol. i dont know what to do with my life and i feel like im just wasting away most days. and i dont fucking know how to fix it. maybe this is my time for me and im supposed to be enjoying it for exactly what it is? like i dunno i just know i always fucking ruin EVERYTHINGGGG . i casually sabotage all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesnt feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring. i really want to kill whats inside of my head. i hate living like this day after day. i just want my pain to end bro . i see how everyone looks at me like i’m a burden, how they fake concern only to switch up at me the next second. i don’t want to be this way, im so lost and alone and i just don’t see the point anymore. this is the loneliest i have ever felt. i don't have a shoulder to cry on when im sad, i have got legit no one to go to. i have noooo tears left to cry dude. my heart hurts so much. my insides are burning. i dont know how to help myself. i legitimately try and i make it worse. i wanna scream all this hurt and pain out. can i just lose my memory just so i can take a break from feeling this way? im not sure how long i can handle this alone anymore all honesty .

AND i wouldnt say im "addicted" to drugs and alcohol (JUST YET lol) butttt what i hate about liking them is that once you know how that high feels and the break from reality you get from everything you will FOREVER know how good it felt and thats the problem. u can be days, months, years of being clean. but i know when you quit its gonna be hard years down the road. i would take it alllll back and not start doing any of it. it turns from "just one time trying it" to "i promise this is the last time" but all honestly i dont know how to stop or be normal in this world sober anymore.

and to sum it alllll up i just want / need someone who can hug me and tell me that im not as worthless as i think i am i feel so fucking empty sometimes and its so exhausting to feel nothing and everything at the same time.

#tw depressing thoughts #@hate myself #journal #made with tumblr #sad aesthetic #thoughts #depressing shit #love yourself #sociopath #kill me

[dreamingofthedteam]

so i saw the video and im really happy for dream and that he can finally leave this entire thing behind him get it off his shoulders and just go on ahead and post mc content (ALSO YAY MINECRAFT DREAM BACK IN 2024 LETS GOOOOOOOO)

the thing that saddened me the most about this was the doxxing and swatting stuff. like that is a very horrible thing to have to go thru. that shit is not a joke i imagine, living in a country that is notorious for an overpowered police force. and i hope to fucking god that what dream predicted (that this shit is going to get out of the mcyt space and into other yt communities over time) will not turn out to be true. the story about sapnap moving in with him so that he can answer the door to the fucking police while hes live just..its depressing man. and god i hadnt ever even heard of the time he got swatted while george was live that was a fucking jumpscare he must have been so worried

but. also. i think its time for, well me atleast, to self reflect a bit? ig? for context im talking about the end of the video where he restated his boundaries. im not someone who likes to stay in the problematic parts of the internet. i run from drama like its the wildfire from asoiaf. ( i also have caved in and posted abt neg stuff im not denying anything but i try to limit to private posts) and to think that i in any way could be on the wrong side of this all by shipping dnf? it gives me a bit of self doubt, ngl. i dont know if what i do would be classified as "srs shipping" or i would be put into "/srs dnf truther" by others, but i def thought and kinda still think 'oh dnf real' and now i just dont know where i stand..? i definitely need to think on it a bit. also i think i have interacted with nsfw art on this blog before, and goddamit i cant even check coz stupid me didnt even bother to tag properly, but from now on all nsfw art (not that i expect there to be many more) will be properly tagged. and if its not just tell me (idk who even is reading this anymore but whatever). as to dnf posting? idk. ill have to wait and see the general mood on here

and also like, that bit def has left a sour taste in my mouth AND IM NOT SAYING THATS DREAMS FAULT but its just...its tough man. dream having to change his mindset on fan spaces because of all this just saddens me a lot. and him saying that has then changed MY mindset on fandom, especially rpf, as someone whose both primary fandoms are rpf. i hope maybe in the future dream is able to engage on a more positive level and not have to just cut himself off from it entirely (im not sad abt him leaving twitter like, good riddance bitches, but i think i'll just miss a random tweet from him to wake up to)

#i was just thinking of this the entire time i got up after watching the video when i was (trying to) fix my stupid throat and its cough #ie general human things that have to be performed to stay human like eat breakfast (i only had an apple why am i so lazy) so i can take med #((i will have proper lunch i swear to god)) #and i just had to write it all out to make any sense of it all #like idc if no one reads this really its long and even more ramblier than usual #anyway idk just thoughts #(do not anyone send me anon hate tho pls im not in a mood to negatively debate abt this with anyone) #((you can ask me any questions nicely tho :) )) #now lets see what some of my beloved (affectionate) people have said on here

[icharchivist]

i completely relate to your feelings for the ff7 remake. its so crushing when you love something and then the remake/sequel/whatever carries its name but butchers the themes so thoroughly that you feel like they didnt understand what made the original so great to begin with. it just feels like a lazy cash grab. looking at every disney remake specifically. or i love this manga that has been going for 1000+ chapters and i wish it would end. i love it dearly its so nostalgic and it was like the first manga i ever read but the characters have become 2d caricatures of themselves and have lost their personality and it just kind of makes me sad. and i agree that a choice like killing aerith hurts because you love the character but it was meaningful and gave characters depth and raised the stakes and just not doing it in the remake because shes so beloved is missing the entire point. i just completely get it and while im not that attached to ff i completely get how youre feeling and why youre so annoyed. it looks great but whats the point if the story doesnt match? themes are so so important and your explanation of how ff7 is about the conflict between nature and industrialization and how aerith represents the planet itself sort of makes a lot of sense. its a really deep story with a lot of thought put into it and her death is so symbolic and important to the story itself. yes shes adorable and beloved but killing her feels like the only right move. its so integral. so yeah jail for square enix for disguising their fanfic sequel as a remake. jail for 1000 years.

aaah nonny thank you 😭💞

while i'm sad the feeling is all too well known it is reassuring at least to find people who relate to it, so thank you for sharing that thought.

the Disney remakes are also a huge pet peeve of mine in term of missing themes or fixing things that don't need to be fixed, but honestly i've given up caring about them at least, and the original always still stand very well on its own even now that it's just *shrugs* whatever yknow, if some people want to connect with the remakes so be it.

for the ff7 remake it irks me a little more since i know people tend to not like getting into older games in general. and with 7 having had many entries to the saga, the original game clashed in gameplay and designs, which threw a lot of people off from playing it.

And it's wild bc i can't exactly call the remake lazy, the amount of work is seen everywhere, but it does feel extremely cynical. Like idk the moment you bring a meta textual level criticizing the fans for wanting to keep the story like it was before, it ends up feeling personal rather than an actual thoughtful approach on the story.

As for like, super long sequels that ends up ruining the spirit of the original, gooood yeah. sometimes it's good when a series can properly end. Fans can do the "keeping the story alive" part just fine we don't need to milk it until the characters are no longer enjoyable...

I am also glad that my POV on Aerith's death and its thematical importance makes sense to you also 🥺 It's a death i feel strongly about because it's genuinely way better done than people give it credit for and i've seen too many takes missing the point that it's something i've been ruminating about for years. (i've read takes about how it's fridging women again for Cloud's manpain and it irks me a lot bc this is not what fridging is and while yeah Cloud suffers from it since yknow, he's the protagonist so we follow his own journey through pain - it's not about Cloud, not just about him anyway. There was also how in ff15 Lunafreya's death was compared to Aerith's by the lead developer and to me it really gives the perfect counter example on how meaningful Aerith's death was to ff7 if you compare it in details to Luna's.)

and of course Aerith is fantastic and i wish, on an emotional level, for her to be alive, but it's not the narratively satisfying ending imo, and any scenario where she doesn't die undo most of the story moving forward.

and honestly it's just. idk kinda sad, that they took back the original dev team from ff7 for this remake, and yet they went into this direction. I do remember that there were tons of interviews about doing right to the fans and honoring the characters the fans came to love so much (it was especially a Kitase's interview where he was especially talking about Sephiroth and Zack, two characters who shouldn't have appeared in the remake at the time, and that i found extremely noticeable bc i have an interview of Kitase in a magazine dating from 2015 where he mentions how much he was always pissed off by Zack's popularity and didn't understand why fans loved him so much.). And so it's like. is it really just fanservice for the sake of fanservice, wanting so much to please the fans you ignore the themes you put in the game? or were all of the themes genuinely accidental??? or the fact it was 25 years ago means it's too far away for them to be remembered as such??

Ad i do think it's even sadder considering how relevant the OG's themes are to our modern days in general.

So yeah, i'm sad the remake went in such a different direction, i feel a bit cheated, but especially i'm bewildered how much it betrays the original themes more than just being different yknow? like i said with the whole "the whole game was about coping with the denial that makes you rewrite your own life and be easily manipulable as a result, so why make the whole remake about "let's rewrite this timeline actually""

but HELP yeah that's definitely a fanfic alright *mumbles* and i've read better ones.

jail!!! jail for a thousand years!!!!!

thank you for your understanding nonny <3333

#hate that square put me in a situation where i have to defend killing my most beloved character #like come on Square i really wish i could just lash out like 'how dare you kill her!!!' #it was a rhetorical question joking about my distress it wasn't a challenge to undo it!!! #tragic... #but thank you so much <333 #ichareply #anonymous #ffvii spoilers #ichasalty #ichafantalks ffvii

[zaptap]

i didnt post anything about the pokemon 2019 finale (aside from accurately predicting it would make me cry a lot--my eyes started welling up right away and there were tears running down my face by the end) so here’s my thoughts

it only took until episode 2 for this to become my favorite pokemon series. i loved that gou’s goal was to catch every pokemon, since that’s something we’ve never seen from an anime protagonist, and it’s my favorite thing to do in the games

and plenty of other stuff made this series really fun. going to every region, bringing back old characters, the amazing soundtrack (shinji miyazaki had always done a really good job, but i think i’ve enjoyed yuki hayashi’s take on it more)

gou even caught my favorite pokemon, which is something i never expected to see happen because suicune is a legendary! he didn’t even catch any other legendaries aside from eternatus

sometime over the past year i realized that they must have made this series instead of a galar-centric one as a celebration of 25 years of the anime, but now i realize it’s more than that, it’s a celebration of everything ash’s been through over all that time, culminating in him getting the victory he’s always wanted as he leaves the spotlight

it’s a way of saying goodbye, and they did it in the best way possible. they could have had him suddenly decide to leave at the end of galar, but instead he gets to travel around to everywhere he’d been before, reuniting with almost all of his old friends (i think tracey, may, and max were the only ones left out? and he probably sees tracey off-camera when he visits home anyway)

and he participates in a worldwide championship, fighting against gym leaders and rivals new and old and earning himself a spot in a tournament filled with champions he’d met on his journeys, plus alan, ultimately surpassing them to become basically the strongest trainer in the world

they could have just spent a few episodes sending him off. but they took 136 to do it properly, and even threw in another 11-episode miniseries that really just feels like a bonus

my only complaint is ash greninja didn’t come back. like ash saw his greninja again, which was wonderful, but they didn’t do the bond phenomenon, which felt kind of anticlimactic and disappointing

anyway, i remember feeling really sad when xy&z ended, because that was my favorite series, but it took until the xy&z part of it to get that distinction, whereas this one was my favorite from practically the beginning

sun and moon was still good though, so the gen 9 anime might still be good. but after all this time jumping around to different regions, it’d feel almost boring to stay limited to paldea if that’s what they’re doing. if they have interesting enough characters they might be able to get around that though

and just like how xy&z was my favorite until pokemon 2019 came around, there could be some future series i like even more. who knows?

i’m also so sad to see gou leaving, but surely they can have someone show up again with a similar goal, right? like they did “girl who does contests” like 3 times and that’s something that isn’t even in every game (it wasn’t even in xy but they did it anyway). though i guess catching all the pokemon isn’t in any game anymore, but that didn’t stop them from making gou in the first place

#pokemon #pokeani #pokemon 2019 #pokemon 2023

[spikeinthepunch]

i have my 2022 art summary queued up and just want to ramble about the last year,... lots of stuff happened, good and bad! been a strange time.

i imagine most followers around have probably been here since late 2020 but 2020-21 i did art quite a bit, but the thing that really stuck for that period was i was super involved in warrior cats RP for some time-- i love RPing and these group also got me motivated to draw too! but i feel like i kind of wasnt around in the typical way due to how consumed i was in it. i dont think i need to go into detail of every month during that time, but it wasnt until early this year where i dropped it, and i didnt really publicize in detail why due to the issues surrounding it, but it was probably the biggest impact on me this year mentally, and in terms of art direction. and i feel like itd feel good to document this in a blog after it has now blown over- and why ive shifted my direction too.

i was very happily running my own RP server for just a year before i had to close it this year and it still makes me sad, as much as i moved on. ARP was like... a very big deal for me and i cant deny that. i dont have a lot of projects i get that into or get even close to setting off with its story figured out. i wrote well over 100 pages of documents for the world and the 6 planned arcs. i drew loads of art i couldnt even share until it closed (tbh im not positive i have shared it anyways bc i didnt wanna post it here). i made a website, i made riddles and code, i developed lore that was far outside of the warrior cats scope to it basically just being original!

truly i have never developed a project as far as i made ARP and to shut it down in order to save my privacy and past trauma from being further exposed in such an inappropriate way really sucked ass. a lot. it was a situation where there was no control given to me, no sense of understanding from the community. im not writing this out now to be pointing fingers and calling out names- just venting how it took a toll on me this year. what had happened with my server was that one of my own mods decided to dig into my profiles and found an old nsfw page, which even more indirectly led to an old flist, which exposed various things i was into around 17-19, reflecting trauma and abuse id been through (in it, voiced wanting to take part in certain kinks; ex. being a victim to violence and dubious consent scenarios). this information was at first presented as a threat to minors viewing my RP page (as in "ppl can see your nsfw profile from the blog!") which wasnt true/accessible as they said it was and required many many clicks to find, and then slowly revealed to me the people exposing this were in fact two of my own mods and was promptly cut off from explaining anything else as it spread in a private mod discord in the RP community. Which was worse to me than everything else that could have happened honestly, and i only learned this second hand from a person who saw it in that discord and thought it was horrible this information was spreading like that behind my back. in some ways things were okay-- i didnt get "called out" openly as i did my best to explain how these pages were not current to those around me, and that they had dug into some deep cutting trauma and a period where i wasnt getting any help to cope properly. it still didnt stop the fact i left every other RP i was in due to connections w those exposing it, and in turn closing my own. i dont want to say im thankful i didnt get called out publicly, but the damage was bad enough in so many other ways because i couldnt continue my server at all, and in the end people's obsession with purity culture in the fandom still made them deem me "bad" because i had nsfw accounts in any capacity. thats not a space i want to be around anyways...

ill forever be thankful for those who stuck it out to the end and witnessed the documents i got to share before closing it for good. but this was a HUGE part of my life for the last years of the pandemic, and i wasnt there for warriors cats- i was there for the people i knew, and the stories i made. i still miss RP a lot, and i want to host projects like that again after moving on mentally from that ordeal.

but my 2022 art summary shows a major shift that was 100% in part to disconnecting from wcrp. humans everywhere! seriously. for a solid few months i couldnt even bare to look at anything related to ARP. i didnt want to think about how i lost this story i developed so hard for so long.

honestly didnt really start drawing properly again until the summer- my art during my HL phase was very very light and very messy. i fell into a hard depression early summer and i only crawled out when i got into mcyt- and even then i was hiding it from this blog. i think i just needed to not feel like i was "online", because August included me joining a onceler RP and again, not saying anything about it. which Weehawken was the first RP thing I had done since i closed ARP too, and it was weird. not the RP itself, it just felt weird to try that again.

and it wasnt my favorite month, i just felt so tired and exhausted- that depression was kinda lingering and drawing a lot for an RP again was something i wasnt really used to anymore.

the past three months have been.... better? or i have at least enjoyed what i am drawing more. i think im far enough removed from what happened with ARP too that it doesnt weigh on me as strongly. i wasnt blaming myself for anything but it doesnt feel good when you know you have to kill something. we talked about recovering it, i had ideas, but i just knew it wouldnt be worth trying to with so much damage caused in my own self, and the impression that whole community left on me knowing people would willingly spread such personal information without question. having trauma exposed after going to therapy and relearning how to use the internet in a way that doesnt lean on trauma dumping and whatever unhealthy bullshit? its quite a blow. i dont make personal blogs like this often because i have good methods to deal with my shit these days.

despite this messy year im doing well. its been ups and downs. overall i know im far more confident in myself, i moved out to live on my own, and im just doing my thing. whatever bull shit happened this year, call out or not, i know im still just gonna keep doing whatever it is im doing. and heres to hoping i can bring a world to life like i did with ARP again, bc i really have a lot i want to tell and show and do.

#2022 art summary #art summary #if someone from wc is lurking and comes to my inbox to shit #i will snipe you on the spot