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supercorpkid · 3 years

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A weekend without Kara.

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader.

Word count: 3300.

“AHHH!” You yell standing up in one movement, looking at the portal opening in front of you, right in the middle of your living room. “Holy shit.” You put your hand on your chest and watch the Flash coming out of the portal.

“Oh, hi Superkid!” He smiles at you and you give him a thumbs up, after the first scare. “Is Supergirl home?”

“MOMMA! Uncle Barry is here to drag you to another reality so you two can fight some…” You look at him raising an eyebrow.

“World-consuming alien.” He answers and you agree with your head.

“Some nonsense alien.” You yell again and you hear Kara agreeing from her bedroom, saying she’ll be right down.

“How did you know?” Barry asks, looking at you throwing yourself back on the couch.

“Please. Like you would just show up here to say she looks pretty on her dress or something.” He agrees with his head. You’re right.

“Hey, wanna race while she doesn’t come?” Barry smiles and you stand up again.

“Yeah, I’ve been training a lot. I think I can beat you now.” You walk to the front door and open it.

“One time around the block and here is the finish line?” He asks and you shake your head agreeing. You both get in position for the run. “Ready? Go!” Barry becomes a flash in your eyes, and stops next to you a second later. He looks at you standing by the door, furrowing his brows. “Wait! How are you here already? I’m pretty sure I just broke the sound barrier.”

“Well, I told you I could beat you.” You walk back into the house, and Kara appears all dressed as Supergirl.

“Kid, I’ll be gone for a while. Please text your mom to come stay with you.” Kara asks and you agree with your head, but you don’t move. She points at your phone in your pocket. “Now, come on. I want to see you typing.”

“Fine.” You grab the phone and pretend to send an audio message. “Hey guys, I’ll be alone for the weekend! Party at my house! Bring a beer keg!”

“Ha-ha. Very funny.” Kara is unamused while Barry laughs extremely loud next to her. She shoots him a disapproving look.

“Sorry. She’s hilarious.” Barry shrugs defensively and you smile.

You: Momma is going to another reality. World-consuming alien. The Flash. Probably another bunch of weird stuff.

Mom: OK! Do you want to meet me at the hotel, or should I go home?

You: Home, please.

Mom: Ok baby, see you there after work.

You show your texts to Kara, who shakes her head agreeing. Then looks at Barry next to her, giving him a nod.

“Ok.” He fumbles with the portal control, almost dropping it, then presses the button to open it. “Good to see you Superkid! Next time don’t let me race alone!” He winks at you and you smile.

“Guess you are smart.” You do finger guns at him and he goes into the portal. Kara walks towards you and kisses your forehead.

“Please, be good. If you need anything at all, call your aunt Alex. Be nice to your mom. If there’s an emergency and you need to save National City, please be careful.” She adds another kiss to your forehead. “I love you, little one.”

“I love you, mommy. Be careful out there.” You smile and she agrees, before walking into the portal and disappearing right after.

You look around the empty house and the clock on the kitchen wall. You’re not throwing a party, obviously, but what’s stopping you from having your girlfriend over? You text her, and it doesn’t take long until she’s at your door.

You have everything prepared when she arrives, and you both settle in the living room to watch a movie. She has her arms wrapped around you the entire time and you feel happy and bubbly about the whole situation.

“Hey.” She whispers on your jaw, and gives you a sweet kiss there. “I don’t want to ruin the moment, but can we talk about what happened today at school?”

You forage your brain trying to remember what happened, but nothing comes. You look at her with furrowed brows to show your confusion.

“What that girl said to you?” Maya adds when she realizes you have no idea what she is talking about. “Babe, you can’t possibly have forgotten about it.” She opens a little more distance between you two, shaking her head in denial. “She told you to kill yourself.”

“Oh! Ah! Yes!” You stand up, a little uncomfortable, collecting the empty popcorn containers, and soda cans. “That’s just, you know-”

“That’s just heinous it’s what that is.” She stands up again. “How can you not have told her to go fuck herself or something?”

“Oh no, babe. That’s not-” You turn your back to her, so she won’t see your face completely red. “Why would I do that? I can’t drop to her level.”

“Oh my God, are you serious?” Maya’s voice comes a little louder. You know she’s not fighting you, and that she’s not upset with you, but with the situation. Your heart still starts pounding in your chest, either way. “She told you that you should die because you have Luthor in your name. How can you put up with that and not say a word?”

She walks towards you, taking everything you’re holding out of your hands and putting in the nearest surface. She cups your face and smiles at you.

“I get that you’re the nicest person in the universe, but I can’t stomach the way they treat you in that school. And I don’t like that you put your head down for them.” She kisses your cheek lightly. “If you’re not going to fight them, I will.”

“I just don’t think it’s worth it. It’s not like they’ll ever stop.” You shrug, looking into her eyes. She sighs. “Besides, I’m used to it.”

“Babe, that’s even more upsetting.” Maya puts her head on your collarbone. “What do your moms say about it?”

“Oh no. No.” You step a little further away from her, shaking your head. “They can’t know about the things they say. It would be very distressing.”

You hear a noise in the kitchen and you don’t even have to use your x-ray vision to know that Lena is home, making noises so you notice her there.

“Lena is here.” You say, and Maya holds your hand, when you two walk to the kitchen. “Hey mom.”

“Oh hey-” Lena raises her head from the grocery bags. “Girls.”

“Hello, Mrs. Luthor.” Maya answers and turns her face to you. “Walk me out?”

“Yeah.” Lena waves a quick goodbye at Maya, and you take her outside, closing the door for a little goodbye kiss without Lena being able to see it. “I’ll see you Monday.”

“Ok. Please, text goodnight.” Maya adds before turning on her heels and leaving your house.

You go back inside, and look at Lena putting the food she bought on the fridge. You help her, without saying a word.

“Please tell me you’re eating healthy.” Lena asks, knowing the answer by the things on the fridge. You shrug.

“Maybe you should come back home and make me.” You open a smile and she chuckles, holding your chin and looking at you lovingly.

“Funny.” Lena kisses your cheek and you hug her, laying your head on her shoulder. She strokes your back gently, and you sigh.

“I miss you here.”

Lena doesn’t answer. You know she misses you too by the way she’s holding you tight, and by the way her heart is beating. You know she’s hurt with Kara, and you wish there was something you could do about it.

“So.” Lena lets go of you, cleans one tear on her face, and looks at the things she didn’t put away. “You start on the salad, and I’ll start on the chicken.”

“Sounds good.” You two fall into a natural and comfortable silence while cooking together. It’s twice as fast without Kara around, but half as fun.

After you two finish cooking, she puts the food on the table, while you finish setting it up.

“You know I don’t have super hearing.” Lena says, while filling her glass with wine. You sit and wait for her to come closer. “But, when I got home, I heard you and Maya talking, and it sounded like you two were fighting.”

“Oh, no, we weren’t.” You deny with your head, and serve yourself. Lena finally comes back with her wine. She sits, crossing her legs, reclining on the chair and looking at you from the other side of the table.

“I know. I’ve heard.” She says and you look up to her, realizing what that means. “Baby-”

“Mom, I got it, ok? You don’t have to worry about it.” You sigh, putting food on your mouth, and giving her a thumbs up, because it’s delicious. “Let’s not ruin this perfect dinner with this conversation.”

“I’m sorry, babygirl. I think we should ruin dinner.” Lena says and you sigh. “What they do to you it’s not right. No one is supposed to hear the things you do, because of your stupid name. God, sometimes I regret giving it to you in the first place.”

“Mom.”

“No, I-I do. I should’ve known better. It’s too big of a burden to carry, and you are the opposite of what this name stands for.” Lena’s eyes are filled with tears and you bite your lip. “I actually thought people would forget about Lex. But he keeps coming back and dragging our names through the mud, all the time.”

You know she’s mad at Lex for mind controlling you still, so you let her vent. She’s been keeping this feeling bottle up for more than a week now, not having Kara to talk about it.

“And you, the sweetest, nicest person on the planet, keep paying for it.” Her tears fall, and your heart squeezes in your chest. You hate seeing her like that. “I wish you had nothing to do with this sick, rotten family.”

“But then I would have nothing to do with you.” You get up from your chair, rounding the table and going to her. “And you are the best thing in my life.” You smile. “And momma, of course.”

“Baby.” She cups your face with one hand, and smiles through the tears. “You are the best thing in my life. I love you so much.”

“Listen. You are right. I shouldn’t have to endure all the hate speeches, and all the teasing, but kids are stupid. I don’t think that half of them actually hate me because of my name, I think they hate me because it’s fun.” Lena raises her eyebrow at that. “It’s fun to laugh at the school genius, at least that’s what I see in every teen movie.”

Lena gives a little laugh and kisses your cheek.

“You’re amazing. Are you sure you’re just sixteen?” She asks and you shrug.

“You tell me.” You round the table again, going to your place. “You’re the one who made me in a lab.”

The dinner goes smoothly after that. The food is incredible and you know it’s only been a little more than a week, but you missed her food anyway. Lena’s presence feels right, like it always did. And you just wish she could stay more than just the weekend.

You two hang out a lot. It feels stupid when you think it hasn’t been that long since she left home, why were you missing her so much? Why were you missing her telling you to clean up your room, and help her with dinner?

After the conversation she overheard between you and Maya, she became Maya’s number one fan. It’s hilarious, and you didn’t see it coming. But every time you say Maya’s name, she just opens the biggest smile and it’s awesome.

You don’t want this weekend to end.

But it’s Sunday night, and your heart feels heavy even though Lena is still right next to you on the couch, talking about some experience that went wrong in the lab, and that one of the interns got so scared he’ll be blamed for it, he almost puked.

“Poor kid.” Lena adds, in the end, and you agree with your head.

“But you forgave him, right?” You ask and she agrees. “Then why can’t you forgive momma?”

“Baby, that’s not-”

“Mom, I don’t know what happened but, well, you once told me that we’re Luthor-Danvers, and that means that we might get upset, but we know how to recognize our mistakes and apologize.” You raise an eyebrow at her.

“I wish it was that simple.” Lena sighs, and you hug her.

“It could, if you two just stopped overcomplicating stuff and just talked.” Lena doesn’t answer. She kisses your forehead, and falls silent for the rest of the night, looking too lost in her thoughts.

When Kara comes back from another reality is really late at night. You and Lena are comfortable on the couch watching a cooking show, when the portal opens again in the middle of the living room.

“Lena!” Kara looks so surprised as if she didn’t make you text your mom in front of her to make sure Lena would come to keep you company.

“Oh, hi.” Lena stands up, fidgeting her fingers, nervously. You roll your eyes thinking this is very pathetic. Just make-up already! “Well, great! You’re home. I suppose other realities are saved?” Kara shakes her head, agreeing. Eyes looking at Lena’s hands, then focusing back at her eyes. “Then I should get going.”

“NO!” Kara says a little louder than she planned to, reaching out to Lena, but not really touching her arm. Damn, it was so close. “It’s late.” She guesses by looking at the sky. “You should stay. It’s-It’s your house.”

Lena raises an eyebrow, and they stare at each other for a few seconds. Do they even know you’re there or have them forgotten completely about your existence?

“You take the bedroom and I’ll sleep on the couch.” Kara points at it, and sees you sitting there. “Or with the kid.” Oh, so they know you’re there.

“I don’t know…” Lena bites her lips, and you open your eyes at Kara, encouraging her.

“Please. It makes no sense for you to leave. It’s late, and even if it wasn’t-just-yeah-please.” Kara is always so articulate. But still, somehow, that makes Lena agree with her head and she decides to stay. You smile to yourself, and whisper a ‘thank you’ when she sits back on the couch, and Kara goes to take a shower.

When you hear that Kara has finished getting ready, you go to your room, so you can leave them alone to see if they finally talk. They don’t. Seriously, what are you going to do about this?

“Hey.” Kara knocks on your door then puts her head inside. “Will you absolutely hate it if I sleep here tonight?”

“C’mere.” You open your arms, and Kara smiles, walking into your arms, and laying in bed with you. “How were things in the other dimension?”

“Hard. Maybe I’m getting too old for this.” Kara says making you laugh in response, and soon she adds. “Don’t you dare saying I’m 70.”

“But you are.” You say and she sticks her tongue out at you, and flop back on her belly next to you.

“How were things here?”

“Great. It’s really good having mom home.” You watch her expression when you say that. She hums in agreement, but doesn’t say anything. “So, are you going to apologize or what?”

“Why do you assume it was my fault?” Kara furrows her brows, and you ease her crinkle with your thumb.

“I don’t. I have no idea whose fault it is. Or even if it’s a matter of culpability, at all. All I know is that, it doesn’t matter.” You stroke her back gently. “You love her, she loves you. You guys have been through so much, and you have never ever given up on her.”

“I’m not giving up now, either.”

“Well, then do something about it.” You say and Kara breathes deep. You raise your eyebrow at her. “Now! Do something now!”

“Ok, yeah.” She stands up and goes to the door. Before she leaves, she comes back and kisses your forehead. “You’re the best kid in the entire universe. You know that, right?”

“Yeah. Now, go.”

It would be a lot easier if your power had just gotten out of control again, and you could blame your eavesdropping on this, but that's not the case. What is happening is that your heart is so heavy on your chest. You know they keep saying it was not your fault, but if this is true why is your guilt practically consuming you? So, you need to know.

“Hey.” You hear a knock on the door, and Kara’s voice right after.

“Oh, Kara. Do you need to grab something?” Lena’s voice comes a little surprised.

“No, I-Lena, I’m really sorry.” Kara breathes out, like she was holding the apology for days, which is probably true. “Of course, I believe you, and I don’t think there’s a world you would ever hurt her, but I got really scared. I saw the look on her face, and she kept calling me mommy, and I caved.”

So, it was your fault! Holy shit you knew it! Lena’s voice comes an entire minute later, which almost makes you faint in anticipation. Come on Lena, come on. You can do it.

“I’m sorry too.” OH, THANK RAO. “You were right, there were other ways, and she was in pain. But don’t think for a second I wasn’t scared too.”

“I know. I know you were. I know you ARE.” Kara says, and you lower your glasses to see if they’re hugging, and they’re still not. Goddammit Kara, do something! “It doesn’t matter how many times the world gets in danger and our existence is threatened. Every time she is the one in danger, I-It’s-”

“Yeah.” Lena’s face drops and you watch Kara coming closer. Reaching out with one hand. Fingers ghosting over Lena’s arm. Your heart is stuck on your throat the entire time, and it feels like it’s going to explode in anticipation. Go, momma, please.

But Kara doesn’t go to Lena.

It’s Lena who goes to her.

Lena hugs Kara’s waist tight and sobs on her t-shirt. You hear Kara’s heart skipping a beat, and a breath of relief leaving her mouth.

“We’re ok.” Kara kisses the top of Lena’s head, wrapping her arms around her head, pressing her further into her chest. “She’s ok. We-We’ll figure this out, love.”

Lena’s heart beats a lot faster and she looks up, gazing into Kara’s eyes. They don’t have to say the words, so you know what they’re thinking. But they do it anyway.

“I love you, Lena.” Kara smiles, kissing Lena’s head again, and it’s time for Lena’s heart to skip a beat. “Always have, always will. In a hundred lifetimes, in any alternative reality, in every world. I love you.”

“I love you, honey.”

You stop listening, because now it’s way too private and it seems like things are better. And since Kara doesn’t come back to your bedroom, you’re right to assume things are better than they were before. But your heart only truly eases, when Monday comes and Lena comes back home after work. That’s when you can finally breathe.

Notes:

@itzyourgirlnat prompted a week without Kara and I LOVED IT!

Also Kara and Lena are back together, so the angst is over, ooof! What a long ride!

#kara x lena #supergirl #kara danvers #lena luthor #supercorp #supercorpfamily #kara x reader #supercorp daughter #supercorp fanfic #lena x reader #reader insert

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missnxthingg · 4 years

Note

Hi!! Idk if you’re still taking requests but I was hoping if you can make an angsty one with Tom? Maybe the reader finding out that he’s been going out with someone else but instead of her lashing out, she keeps it to herself. Until one day, she just breaks down and says she she knows? Maybe she’ll give like her promise ring or necklace to Tom? It’s so specific but it’s been in head for awhile. Thank you!!

A/N: And here it is! Thank you for sending me that message to help me understand your request and I loved writting this. I feel like this is the first one who does not have a happy ending, but I like it. Hope you like it too.

Words: 2.5K

Warnings: Cheating, mentions of sex, angst.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

masterlist | main blog | gif source | quarantine playlist | title’s song

DANCE LITTLE LIAR

Over your life you had many examples that love wasn’t the easiest thing in the world. People cheat, people lie, and they eventually grow apart. Your first example was when you and your mother caught your father in bed with another woman after a day out shopping together. You were only five, your sister was eleven, and you watched your whole family fall apart in front of your eyes. The second example came when you were twelve, and your sister was eighteen. She had an awesome boyfriend, the kind of one that everybody loved and that was really nice, but no one really knew that he lied about many things in his life, and ended up trading your sister for another girl before he went to college.

So you never really believed love would happen to you, because it never truly worked for anyone in your family. Why would it work for you? And for a long time you believed that, and you grew up knowing you’d never have a boyfriend that loved you and that you’d be together forever. But you met Tom in High School when your mom decided to register you into a new school so you could pursue your life long dream to be an actress and act in plays. The BRIT School had many talented and nice people, but he was the nicest one in your class.

Tom was the sweet boy that everyone loved to be around. He was cute and funny, and always made people smile somehow. You quickly became friends, because you had so much in common, and one of those things were that you were both playing in a local theater. That made you closer than ever, because you’d see each other a lot. That made both of you develop feelings for each other, but it took many years until they finally got together. He knew it was a big deal for you, and probably that’s why he took his time to finally kiss you for once.

“I wanted to do something.” He said that one day he got you out to have some ice cream and just hang out.

“What is it?” You asked, with a grin on your face. He smiled brightly to you and leaned in, giving you a small peck on your lips. You cupped his cheek and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss for once.

“I wanted to do that for so long.” He said between kisses.

“I’m glad you did Tom.” You smiled to him and caressed his face, completely lost in his eyes.

“I wanna give you something.” He looked down to his hand, where he was holding a black velvet box. “I know it’s early to give you something like this, but this means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me, and I just wanted you to have a piece of me so you’d know I’ll be forever by your side.”

He opened the box, revealing a beautiful ring with a small butterfly set with little diamonds. It was simple, small, but so beautiful. It made you tear up and kiss him so intensely. The ring was the most beautiful thing you’d ever gotten and you didn’t even know how to accept it.

“I loved it so much, it’s beautiful.” He put it on your right hand, and kissed it right after.

“It’s a promise ring, and it means that as long as you wear this, I’ll be yours.” You caressed his face and kissed him again.

“Thank you, you’re amazing.”

You’ve been together ever since that day. You were so young, and even though you thought you’d never find love in your life, Tom made you feel like maybe with you it would be different. You both got what you always wanted, respect roles, him in movies, you in theaters, and life wouldn’t be better for the both of you. Now you were both living in New York for a while. He was doing a big movie and you finally got to Broadway, where you always wanted to be. You couldn’t be happier, until everything started to fall apart.

Tom usually picked you up in work after you were done with the play. Normally, he’s never late for anything, but for some reason he was always late to get you in work. You first started to notice something was wrong when he got there late wearing his shirt inside out. He was acting weird, but you let it go, not shifting the way you acted with him because you refused to believe something was wrong.

“Maybe he just had a bad day, that’s all.” Jessica said to you the next day when you were both getting ready for the play. She was working with you on the play, and you were best friends on and off screen. “And the shirt… Well, maybe he just didn’t see it was inside out when he got it back on after the shooting day.”

“Yeah, maybe your right.” You finished you makeup with mascara and looked back to her, that was applying her character’s signature color, deep red. “It’s just… I have some issues with this kind of stuff. My parents are separated and my dad cheated, so it was slightly traumatic.”

“I know babe, but I know that Tom loves you with his whole heart. So you shouldn’t have any doubts about him, because you two are end game.”

But that night you got stood up for one and a half hour, and even had to get your own dinner on a hotdog food truck, and ate it on the cold sidewalk, waiting for him. You were almost giving up and getting yourself a taxi when he pulled over with his car and honked to get your attention.

“I’m so sorry baby. It took too long for everyone to finish the scenes today, and New York’s traffic is horrible.”

Liar. You weren’t stupid, and you could smell a sweet perfume all over his car, and it definitely wasn’t yours, because you hated sweet perfume and it made you want to throw up. His hair was messy, and it wasn’t a common thing, because he always got out of the studio with a great hair because of all the makeup they did to him.

“Uhm, it’s okay. Just go home, I’m tired.”

“Don’t you even want to stop somewhere and have dinner? We could go to that mexican restaurant you love so much.”

“I’m not actually in the mood, busy day. And I ate a hotdog from a food truck. I just want to sleep.”

“Okay, we can cuddle and watch a movie, what do you think?” He smiled to you and even though you were upset, he knew how to make you fall in love with him again.

“That would be nice.”

You decided not to say anything about you knowing, just to see where it would drive you. Maybe he’d eventually stop, and maybe it was only a one time thing and he’d just be over with it soon. But it happened at least three nights every week, and it was starting to piss you off. It was starting to be noticed during sex as well, when he would get so into it like before. It had been weeks since you last had a proper orgasm, and you’d do most of the work everytime. Of course you didn’t want to talk about it, so you’d just get it all over and go to sleep.

But you had great nights together. One day you even went out do dance, and some other one you stayed home and ordered food, drank some wine and sang to a lot of songs together, facetiming people from back home together. You’d still have a lot of fun, but somehow you couldn’t shake it off your head. His lips didn’t taste the same, and you weren’t in sync as before. And even though that night was a lot of fun, during a moment he was in the bathroom and you were talking to his brother Harry on his phone, he got a text and you could clearly see it wasn’t meant for you to see.

Lily: “I can’t wait to see you baby!“

Lucky for you, you were a great actress and you managed to not let him know that you saw it, pretending to be totally clueless, until it eventually it started to piss you off. It was the third time that week he was late to pick you up and you ended up getting drunk with Jessica after your play and letting everything go to her. Her best friend listened to her tell about everything she found out, and got mad at her because she was pretending to not know anything.

“You should tell him you know!”

“I can’t tell him Jess. First of all, I shouldn’t be getting into his stuff.”

“Yes, you should.” She got up and pointed to you with her glass in hands. “Specially when it directly affects your relationship. He’s cheating, and getting away with it!”

“I know! But I don’t know how to do it! If I act like a crazy bitch it won’t be right, but I can’t keep being cool about it.” You leaned back into your seat and finished the last glass of wine.

“You better think about it quickly babes.” Your phone started to ring, and Tom’s name appeared on the screen.

“He’s here. I gotta go.” You kissed her cheek and gathered all your things.

“Finish him (Y/N)!” She shouted, watching you leaving quickly.

But you didn’t have the courage to do it. He arrived there feeling a little sick, and it made your heart crumble. You wanted to take care of him, and that’s what you did when you got home. He stood you up and there you were making soup to make him feel better. God, you were stupid!

One day it was your four year anniversary and you decided to do a little something for you two since you didn’t have to work that night. Your prepared a nice dinner, and organized the whole apartment with aromatic candles, flowers and good wine. You even dressed up nicely with a pretty lingerie for him. Maybe that night would be the turning point to your relationship and it would be okay for once. But eventually it got late, and you were almost giving up on waiting for him, starving and bored, and obviously upset. It was your anniversary, and he was with the other girl. You fought your urge to cry because you were better than that, and waited for him. You ate the food alone, and poured yourself some wine to watch some comedy movie on TV while waiting for him. Every time half an hour passed, you rolled your eyes and your blood boiled in anger, but you needed to be strong.

He arrived when it was almost 11 PM and you was already considering going to bed, leaving everything you planned behind. He found you lying on the couch with a blanket over you. The candles were already out, and the food was cold in the oven, and your heart was shattered, but it had been for a long time. He removed his shoes and lied over her, giving her a lot of kisses on her cheek and on the top of her head. The smell was there, it wasn’t his cologne, it was the sweet perfume again. The smell made you sick, and it wasn’t because it was too sweet.

“Hey darling, I’m sorry I’m late.” You gave him a forced smiled and nodded, turning your attention back to the movie. He cuddled into you, giving some more kisses on your face and neck. “What’s up with all the candles?” He looked around while sitting straight and you shrugged, fixing your position.

“They just smell nice. And are cheap.”

“Uhm.” He nodded and walked to the kitchen to find something to eat. “Baby, you made lasagna?”

“Yeah, I felt like eating it today.”

“You know that’s my favourite.” He smiled to her and turned the heat on to make it warm again.

“I know.” She was keeping it short and low, making it clear that she wasn’t okay.

“Okay, what’s wrong with you?” He asked, making his way back to the living room.

“Do you know what day it is?” You asked and he thought a little about it.

“April 18th.” He said and you arched your eyebrows. “Why?”

“Nothing special to relate with this date?” You asked, pouring some more wine in your glass.

“Our anniversary.” He said and you nodded, finishing the wine quickly. “I’m so sorry, I forgot.”

“I’m sure you have a good excuse to why you’re late.”

“It’s just…”

“Traffic was horrible, it took too long to finish the shooting today.” You cut him, not raising your voice not even for a second. He sighed and sat down. “You don’t have to pretend anymore.”

“How long have you known?” He asked and you sighed, feeling your heart crashing slowly.

“Two months, at least.” He nodded and pressed his lips together. Tom couldn’t even look at you in the eyes. “I bet Lily is pretty.”

“She’s not prettier than you.” He said and you laughed sarcastically.

“You’re funny, you know. That’s just something straight out of a comedy movie.” You were pissed of course. “I don’t know why did you do it, and I don’t know why I held it for so long, but I can’t take it anymore.”

“Baby, I’m sorry…”

“You say you’re sorry too much Tom. But it’s okay, love never works anyway, and I’ve known it since I was little. It was eventually going to happen to us too.”

“I don’t know why I did it (Y/N), I’m so sorry.”

“It’s because you never really loved me Tom.” You got up and gathered some of your things such as phone and purse.

“That’s not true. I’ve never loved someone so much before. I really truly love you baby, and I’m deeply sorry for everything I made you go through. I’ll never see her again, and I promised I’ll do anything to make us okay again.”

“You were with her Tom, on our anniversary. I don’t think I believe in such thing anymore.” You finished gathering your things. “How long thisbeen going on?”

“Three months.” He said, keeping his voice low, and you nodded, putting your bag over your shoulder.

“I’ll sleep at Jessica’s tonight. And I’ll be back tomorrow to get my things. And please, don’t bother on trying to win me back, because that’s not happening.”

“Baby, please don’t go.” Tom rushed to her with tears in his eyes and held her arm, but she shook her head and glanced down to her hand. She removed the butterfly ring from her hand and stood it up to him.

“I think I won’t need this anymore.” She let her first tear fall since she found out about him, and he was already lost between his own.

“Please, don’t… Baby. We were meant to be together forever. I was so stupid, oh God. I’m sorry, please stay! We’ll make it work. Please don’t leave me. Don’t give this back to me.” He said and you cleaned your own tear, shooking your head no.

“Goodbye Tom.”

…………………

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nodesiretogrowup · 4 years

Text

alrighty, let’s recap this bitch!

LAUNCHPAD! I’VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH! PLEASE COME BACK!

I looked up when National S’mores Day is (because I’m a nerd) and it is August 10. So either the photo later was mislabeled or, more likely, Launchpad got the wrong info

Huey with the little baby scouts is TOO CUTE!!

I wonder if Violet’s there. Probably not because she would have been hanging out with Huey if she was. Or this episode was meant to come before Challenge

It’s a baby beagle boy! I wonder if he’s there of his own will or if it is part of some plan

He scared away most of the kids! Now they won’t get to enjoy s’more-y goodness

His s’more sounds DOPE AF, though it probably would give you INSTANT DIABETES

“Aw, not even a modern robot.” MY SWEET SON!

I know it was the bully saying it, but Huey should chill a bit when it comes to doing things EXACTLY and PERFECTLY. It’s just gonna cause stress

BOYD IS BABY AND I LOVE HIM

“Would you like to be friends?” “Sure. Wow, that was easy.” If only it was always that easy

I don’t know if Huey has the JWG as memorized as he thinks, going by Challenge and Quack Pack

“We’re just kids.” “Definitely!” *uses laser eyes to light fire*

This episode does a good job showing what a trigger word/phrase is like, though I’m not sure if that was the intention

I like that a squirrel with a burnt tail scurries out of one of the trees. It’s the attention to detail that helps elevate this show

Instead of jumping out of the way or hiding Huey jumps straight onto Boyd to try and help him. Huey already sees Boyd as someone worth protecting

The kid that just runs across the screen while his hat is on fire is great

Not sure why they took the time to change before going to Gyro but whatever

BOYD IS ADORABLE AND I LOVE HIM

“I’m more than an intern, I’m a scientist.” I feel like this might be hinting at Fenton’s arc for the season, possibly wanting to be seen more as a scientist than a superhero

I’m gonna pretend that using sunglasses on someone who is shooting lasers out of their eyes is a Cyclops reference. And they look pretty dope too

At least Fenton knows when he is in over his head...this time

Gyro trying to climb up on the table to avoid Boyd was kind of funny. And then him protecting himself with Lil Bulb

“Which one?” Manny is DONE with this shit

“Boyd? What idiot called it that?” Even when he’s not there, Gyro can still burn Mark lol

I figured 2-BO was a reference to something but wasn’t sure what. Apparently it’s a bit of a play on the name of Astro Boy’s in-universe creator’s son. Neat

Huey stays in between Gyro and Boyd to protect Boyd

Fenton’s face cracks me up. There are NO THOUGHTS in this man’s head lol

“You were an intern like me?” “Nothing like you.” Damn Gyro, why so salty?

I don’t know why Fenton is so surprised that Gyro was an intern. I feel like that’s a pretty standard thing

LOVE IS STORED IN THE BOYD

It make me sad when Gyro mentions how many times Boyd’s core programing was altered. Poor baby doesn’t really get a say in what happens to him

“ROAD TRIP!” Huey, you do these kinds of things ALL THE TIME. I feel like he should be used to this by now

“YOU’RE not going. GIZMODUCK is.” Does Gyro see Fenton and Gizmoduck as separate entities or is this just a no, but yes type of joke?

Huey standing up for Boyd is so sweet. They barely know each other but Huey trusts him

When the episode doesn’t have the theme song you KNOW shit’s ‘bout to go down

I wonder who’s flying the plane. My guess is Launchpad because Della would have been cooing over Huey making a new friend and go into embarrassing mom mode. He probably went of on his own adventure or did tourist things like buying collectables. Or maybe Gyro flew them there. Who knows

As many people have said, the art direction and animation for this episode are BEAUTIFUL. I love the pink tint the lighting has in most of the episode

SAILOR MOON CONFIRMED CANON

I bet Mark Beaks is a Sailor Moon fan

I like that the in-universe Sailor Moon is a bunny because Usagi is Japanese for rabbit

I love that going incognito nowadays means you wear a hat, a hoodie, and sunglasses. Boyd looks good in red (though red is my favorite color so I might be biased)

Gyro-takes one step and the fuzz shows up. NOICE

I like detective lady. She has a cool design

Huey and Fenton are awful at acting casual

“Crimes?” Oh my sweet Hubert. I’m pretty sure most if not all of Scrooge’s employees have had run ins w/ The Law

Gyro is like, move I’m gay

“I’m here on a very important...field trip.” ALL THE KIDS NEED A GYRO FIELD TRIP LIKE HOW THE GAANG GOT ZUKO FIELD TRIPS

Lil Bulb said FUCK THE POLICE

I wonder what it actually says

Fenton just watches as the inspector chases Lil Bulb

Seriously though, Fenton does a bunch of silly stuff in the background and this episode warrants a rewatch SOLELY for him

How did Lil Bulb know where to find them? And how did he shake off the inspector? I want to see his little adventure

FOR SCIENCE!

“Blah!” *arm armor attaches* I want this joke to come back

Fenton and Huey INSTANTLY nerd out. I love them

Fenton being a Gyro fanboy is ADORABLE

“AH, DUST IN MY EYE! The dust of GENIUS!” What a dweeb lol

I like that Fenton keeps the arm on for the whole scene

Poor Boyd, he looks so scared

Huey going into protective big brother mode

Doofus continues to be equal parts hilarious and disturbing

Where are their parents? Like, someone should be looking after these kids! ESPECIALLY DOOFUS!

“Do you need a hug?” I SURE FUCKING DO

Mark is such a prick lol

“NO WAY, A ROBOT BOY! DREAMS DO COME TRUE!” YOU DON’T DESERVE THAT DREAM YOU COCKWAFFLE

SOMEONE HUG THIS CHILD! BECAUSE I CANNOT!

“Seems like the little guy’s had it tough.” MY POOR BABY

Lil Bulb gets SO PISSED he blew a fuse

You really shouldn’t have left them alone, Gyro

Why does Fenton automatically jump to superhero for Boyd? I mean the theme of the episode is letting Boyd choose who he wants to be so of course Fenton would have his own idea of what Boyd should be, but why go straight to superhero? Do you want superbros, Fenton?

Huey already realises this might be a bad idea, because he’s more concerned about Boyd as a person rather than Boyd as a machine

“IN RETROSPECT WE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE USED THE FIRST HOLE” Fenton, you dumbass genius

Dr. Akita’s setup made me laugh. I DIED when he “enhanced” the image

I recognized the character on the chips though I don’t know their name. I’m more of a western animation fan, so many of the references probably flew pass me

BOOP

I also have a key on my laptop that flies off (it’s the u key)

I LOVE BABY GYRO! It’s so cool they went with his og look (minus the red hair) to show him younger

I LOVE THE OUTLAW COUPLE! SO COOL! SO HOT!

Huey is so DONE with Fenton

I love the stupid G pose he does. PLEASE HAVE HIM DO IT AGAIN. PREFERABLY WHEN DW IS NEARBY

Such a polite boy

“My bones are metal!” This line and Boyd’s catchphrase of “Hi, I’m Boyd/2-BO, a definitely real boy!” reminded me of Olaf. The end of the episode gives Boyd even MORE Olaf parallels

Gizmoduck sliding by those boxes was cool

How did Gizmoduck get himself unstuck from that alley?

I loved the double take the female outlaw does

Huey is TRAUMATIZED

I legit thought Boyd was gonna light the oil on fire the first time I watched and I was like that won’t help

“So, what do we do now?” “I...don’t know.” This is why you don’t leave babies alone to fight criminals

Boyd reminded me of Calculester from Monster Prom when he asked the lady to return the money

STOP LEAVING THE CHILDREN ALONE! THEY ARE BABIES! THEY AREN’T EVEN TEENS!

“Why do we always fight when we’re on vacation?” Because this is Ducktales and there is no such thing as a normal vacation

Lil Bulb just kicking his lil feet

The “lab” safety poster made me chuckle. Then I remembered Akita is also a dog and I laughed more

LITTLE BABY GYRO GRADUATING! My guess is his professor/dean/principal influenced him on a personal level and is partially the reason Boyd is a parrot

Lil Helper blueprints. Nice reference to the og series

Has anyone talked about the poster with the cogs and the dogman in old-timey clothes that says GIZMOS on it? I think it’s a Dr. Who reference

IDEALISTIC GYRO AND BOYD IS TOO CUTE!

How did he NOT notice the second hole in the wall?

That is a surplus of handcuffs. Do you think she uses them for...fun times?

“I’m just a guy! With very bruisable skin!”

Poor misunderstood Gyro inventions

Boyd just politely waves at everyone

Huey is WAY calmer than I would be if I got lost in an unfamiliar city

Boyd says FUCK WORK

I love Huey stimming. Really hope Disney will let them confirm in words that Huey is autistic

Is it more common for two kids to wonder around by themselves in Tokyo? Because as an American I find it super stressful and would want to find their parents so they could be safer

THE BUNNY! AND THEN THE KITTIES!

Do cats just take buses on their own in Tokyo?

CHERRY BLOSSOM TIME BITCHES

“And I know what you’re thinking, what about ninjas?” I am ALWAYS wondering about ninjas

I like that Huey finally has a friend who shares the same interests and doesn’t mind info dumps

“Boyd, I don’t think you’re a killer robot. You’re just a kid.” “Aw, that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.” T_T

I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD

I like Boyd’s motief

Akita is us after the quarantine

When he complained about being stiff I was like mood

I like his Green Goblin disc thingy

The other people don’t give a shit about Boyd just FLYING DOWN WITH HIS ROCKET FEET!

Gyro shows up *dramatic wind*

His tablet has a duckie on it. I wounder if they have a Mac/PC thing going on with Waddle and what brand the duckie represents

When the adults argue and Boyd gets all sad and scared I FELT THAT

Huey doing his best to keep Boyd calm and defend him SO PURE

OH GOD HELP THIS POOR CHILD!

HUEY IS A GOOD BOY AND A GOOD FRIEND

“Because of you I’ve become an outcast.” I feel like you did that to yourself

ANIME HAIR POOF

ngl, that shit was TERRIFYING

“You don’t have to do what Akita tells you. Do what I tell you.” So close

“INTERN! FIGHT BETTER!”

Huey must weigh NOTHING if Gyro can pick him up

Akita’s tail looks like a cinnamon roll

Huey always finding that hidden info

The gibberish Gyro says is great

BOYD SAYS IT BECAUSE GYRO TOLD HIM THAT!

THAT HUG!!!

HOW DARE AKITA HURT BABY GYRO AND SWEET BABY BOYD?!

PROTECTIVE PAPA GYRO

NEEEEERRRRRRRD FIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT

“You’ll never invent anything worthwhile.” LIL BULB HAS ENTERED THE FIGHT

Are doggos recyclable?

HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS

Blue eyes=good robot

ANOTHER HUG

Be Only Yourself, Dude

I like that basically Gyro admitted that he was like Fenton if Fenton hadn’t had support

“That’s not technically how doctorites work, BUT I DON’T CARE!” Do you think Gyro doesn’t have his doctorate or do you think he assumed Fenton already had one?

“The hugging is a ‘just for today’ thing.” YOU CANNOT STOP THE HUG TRAIN!

“Leave. Now.”

Are they gonna go to the plane?

This season has been consistently knocking it out of the park! I’m a SLUT for backstory episodes, so I enjoyed this one a lot. I loved seeing Gyro when he had hope and faith in the world. It SUCKS that Akita took that away from him. Hopefully Gyro will see things slightly less cynical now. Fenton was a dweeb the whole episode and I love him for it. Boyd is SO SWEET AND PRECIOUS and in NO WAY deserved the treatment he got. I have a feeling there is more to Boyd’s creation/Dr.Akita that we’ll get later on. Huey was ADORABLE this episode. It’s really sweet to see him hangout with someone who gets him. Everyone deserves to have at least one friend like that. The fight scene was GORGEOUS! SO FLUID! I really loved this one and I hope we get more Team Science episodes because these characters play really well off each other.

#ducktales #dt spoilers #a bit later than normal but oh well

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tentwentyninecompositions · 4 years

Text

East Chicago Love Letter

12 DAYS PRIOR

“What time did you say she was flying in?” Myles questions as he continued to clip the ends of the floral arrangement. Dutch Hydrangeas and the Peony flower are Kary’s favorite. So as a small token of his love Enzo put together multiple bouquets for his wife.

“Uh..should be around 8:30 maybe even nine o’clock. You think these look alright?” Enzo put the first bundle of flowers into an expensive, stained glass vase. He stepped back to get a better look at what he had put together.

Myles finished off his bundle doing the same as his friend. Together in silence they admired the beautiful flowers that smell like a hint of lavender. Another one of Kary’s favorite things in life.

“This is the nicest thing I’ve ever seen you do for anybody.” Myles spoke up. He went around to the other side of the kitchen to fish around the refrigerator for a drink.

“Yeah man I know. I just want this night to go well. I’ve been planning this since her last trip. I know Kary inside and out so I know she’ll love this.” Enzo prides himself in knowing the things his wife loves, hates, and anything in between. “How could she not? I picked every one of these flowers myself, cut ‘em, washed ‘em...the whole nine man.” He chuckled.

“I don’t doubt you on that at all. Kary is a very lucky woman to have you in her life. I’m always praying for y’all and you know my mama is too.” Myles began to clean up the mess he made in Enzo’s kitchen whilst sipping on his most beloved drink combination. Bourbon and apple juice.

“Thank you brother, I really appreciate that.” The men returned the kitchen to its original clean state and went about their individual business.

——— ———-

Later That Evening...

Glancing at the time of his watch Enzo blew out a sharp breath as he put the finishing touches on his anniversary dinner. After Myles left, Enzo spent the remainder of his alone time prepping his home for his wife’s arrival. Kary has been traveling non-stop for work for the past month, striking deals, meeting with designers, hosting events etc. Mrs. Warren has been a very busy woman. Being that today is the couples five year wedding anniversary Enzo thought he would prepare his wife’s favorite dish. That being chicken marsala in a Sherry cream sauce and brown butter risotto. He bought her three floral arrangements with each bundle having the stems wrapped in one hundred dollar bills.

In addition to the flowers, Enzo splurged on several designer fragrance bottles, the finest brands of mascara and lipstick tubes in all of Kary’s favorite shades. The receipts from his shopping spree didn’t put the slightest dent in his bank account. When it boils down to love and showing his appreciation for his woman, Enzo will go above and beyond.

ENZO

Fastening the second button from the top on my shirt I picked up my brush to run over my hair for the fifth time. I don’t know why I feel so nervous to see my wife. Maybe it’s because she’s been gone for over four weeks and my anticipation has reached its peak. Coming home after a long day's work to go to bed alone put me in a funk for the first two weeks of Kary’s absence.

Around the week three day two mark, I shook the chip off my shoulder and went back to my old routine. Five a.m., I go on my three mile run. Afterward, I go through my usual morning hit list before going to work. Step out for lunch around two-thirty and head over to the ring for seventy minutes exactly. By four o’clock I’m back to work and home by seven on the dot. And finally after weeks of forcing myself to get out of my own head I get the love of my life back.

I’m nervous to see her but it’s a good kind of nervous. The sound of the door opening scared the hell out of me. That’s when I heard the most beautiful sound in the world.

“Enzo, baby, I’m home.”

My heart began pounding in my chest as I rushed to finish getting dressed. Cleaning up behind myself I sifted through my mental checklist to ensure part two of my plan runs efficiently.

Taking a deep breath I cut the lights and left the room. I followed the sound of Kary’s ‘oohs’ and ‘oh my gods’ coming to find her in the kitchen. Her curiosity almost got her into trouble but she managed to keep her hands put.

“I didn’t expect you until later.” I said. Kary glanced over her shoulder, her eyes lighting up at the sight of me. I told Myles this suit was a great idea.

“I thought I would surprise you by catching an earlier flight. Clearly you had the same idea with surprises. You set all this up for me?” She shrugged off her coat and closed the distance between us.

I took a moment to check out all of my efforts, happy with the turn out. With flowers, candles, her gifts displayed nicely, and the scent of the meal I prepared I definitely earned some points for this. Eager to minimize our distance I met her halfway drinking in every inch of her that I could with these barriers in between us. By barriers I do mean our clothes. She must’ve gotten a temporary room to clean up and change in because this scent lingering on her body and clothes is new to me.

“You took..a shower...without me?” I spoke and exhaled in between kisses. Kary gets a good laugh out of me pretending to be upset with some things she does without me around. I’m never truly bothered but it’s fulfilling to make her laugh at silly shit.

“This was an exception E, I needed some serious TLC after that long flight.” Backing up to cup my face in the palm of her hands Kary searched both of my eyes in silence. The expanding grin on her face inspired my own.

“Why are you smiling so much?” I asked of her.

“I could ask you the same thing but I already know it’s because you’re happy to see me. How much did you miss me?” Kary’s hands busied themselves with my clothes as she examined me from head to toe.

“Oh I can show you better than I can tell you. Ready to eat? I cooked for you and it’s ready. As am I.” I joked. She and I laughed in richness and ventured to our kitchen together.

She went back to admiring the layout of our house with me not able to keep my hands off of her. It took me all of five minutes to realize that her skirt is brand new. It’s one of those skirts that come to the knees with buttons going down the center seam. The only difference from this particular style of skirts and others is that this one is fitting. Kary will throw on a dress any time of year but a skirt, she rarely will purchase.

“I like this new outfit. When did you get this?” Getting a feel for the fabric I expressed the pleasure it brought to me beneath my fingers.

“I was feeling adventurous and this little number happened to be marked down seventy percent off. I had a feeling you’d like it.” Kary stepped ahead and hustled around the kitchen not waiting for me. My all time favorite thing to watch is Kary fending for herself when she’s hungry. Whenever her craving for food is magnified she gets this look in her eye. In the beginning of our relationship I would place a story behind every little thing that attracted me to her.

Now I just identify the attraction as attraction. I find it appealing and arousing when she showcases her need for the basics in life. Her will to eat is at the top of that list.

“Mm..mama’s hungry.” Chucking at her maneuvering swiftly to fix two plates I caught her eye.

She flipped me the bird and motioned for me to come closer and help her out. “Mama is hungry for many many things. Was Myles here? I’m getting the sense that he was. That lingering trace of Polo is hitting me in the face.”

“He was for a little while, yeah. He told me to pass on a hello to you. That fool tried so hard to stick around for dinner but you already know how that conversation went.” I took over the ship again ushering her to sit at the table. “You go off to work for a month straight and here you are still putting in time? I don’t believe you. When did you ever sleep?”

“Fixing a plate is nothing compared to what I was doing over the past four weeks. You spent all this time preparing all of this for me. I think the least I can do is help out a little.” Here goes the bargaining. Typical, overachieving, non-stop working Kary Santos-Warren.

“Oh come on. Save me the good wife speech baby, I know what you are capable of. What are you drinking tonight? Red..white..water..” Carrying her plate over to her I matched her smirk.

“I think I’ll switch it up tonight. Do we still have that Brandy?” She questioned me about it.

Tipping my head to her I walked back into the kitchen to grab a plate for myself and the Brandy. She and I were given this forty five year aged liquor for Christmas. I put it away towards the back of our liquor cabinet saving it for a special occasion. Tonight is the best reason to open this bad boy up.

Kary volunteered to bless our evening and our meal. Her speech touched me in a few ways due to some things that she spoke on.

“You’re getting emotional? Wow, this isn’t the Enzo I know and love. What’s changed, lover boy?” Her bare foot tickled my pant leg before she continued on with raising the bottom half with her toes.

The coolness of her toe pads gave me chills but I embraced them all. I’ve missed this woman terribly so nothing she can do will get on my nerves.

“I’m not being emotional. Your blessing touched me deeper than usual that’s all. Talk to me about your trip. How was it? I wanna know everything.” Kary spilled every detail of what her work trip was like, not leaving any information out.

Setting my empty glass aside I folded my hands behind my plate, drinking in her existence. She helped herself to seconds of dinner signifying that I outdid myself. I do have a fourth course for her, which is her absolute favorite.

Kary licked her knife clean and gently set it down, giving me this intense eye. “I must say babe, that was amazing. I can tell you took your time with the sherry. Myles must have been busting your balls about not screwing up my sauce huh?”

“God, you are so fucking smart. Yes, Myles was giving me the hardest time about the dinner period to be honest with you. He was practically with me all day until I kicked him out.” Rising from my seat I picked up her plate and mine, taking them both to the kitchen.

“Is there more? Because quiero mas, por favor..” Kary sang out from the dining room table.

“Give me five minutes and I’ll be right back.” I guaranteed her. Removing my infamous banana bread from the oven I set up a small plate neatly for us to share. Removing the Brandy from the shelf I poured her and I another serving, rejoining her once again. “For you my queen. Open.” Seeing Kary’s mouth open visibly made my erection go from a three to an honest ten.

Her eyelids closed along with her mouth around the fork. “God, I have missed the satisfying taste of your baking. You are the only person I know that can bring me this type of joy from food alone. Happy anniversary my love. You’ve given me the best escape from reality, the best life, so much joy, peace and happiness. In all of the years we have been together, I have never once felt unhappy or unimportant. You are my everything babe.”

Although Kary and I have had difficulty in the past trying to get pregnant, maybe tonight is the night. Mashallah.

#tentwentyninecompositions #short series

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atc74 · 5 years

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Making Circles - Month Three

Square(s) Filled: Case fic for @heavenandhellbingo

Warnings: Case angst, slight canon divergence, being fake married to Dean, mentions of death, angsty relationship feels

Summary: Dean and Y/N have to pretend to be married for a case. But this isn’t any ordinary case. Married couples have gone missing from Albert Lea, Minnesota, every six months for the last few years but there is almost zero evidence. People don’t just disappear like that do they? With Bobby and Sam’s help, plus an ally in their new town, they have just under six months to figure it out. Chances are they’ll survive the case, but will their friendship survive their fake marriage?

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 945

Written for: @heavenandhellbingo

Beta’d by: @amanda-teaches, who says the nicest things and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and also keeps me on a straight line. I heart you! And @alleiradayne for letting me bounce ideas off her, like all the time.

A/N: This will be six chapter series, one for each month of the case, plus a bonus epilogue. Loosely based/inspired by the song Making Circles by Christian Kane and I just felt this needed to be written. There will be lyrics dispersed throughout the entire story. I hope you love this as much as I do. The nicest thing you can do for a writer is reblog their work and tell them, and others, how much you like it!

Making Circles master list

Month Three

“Dean, where the hell have you been?” Y/N spoke up from the recliner in the dark living room. It was just after midnight, and Dean was sneaking in the back door.

He had been gone most nights, again. She thought he had gotten over that. She thought he’d finally settled into life in this sleepy town. Their relationship had bloomed into something new and their friendship flourished. Y/N finally knew what people talked about when they said ‘I’m in love with my best friend.’ It had happened to her. The domesticity of it all should have made both of them sick to their stomachs, but she was loving it.

Y/N loved having a normal job and normal friends. She could go meet them for coffee, shopping, lunch. The possibilities were really endless with this type of life. She thought Dean had opened up to the possibilities too. Now she couldn’t help but think she had been wrong.

“What are you doing sitting in the dark, Y/N?” Dean flipped the switch, flooding the room with light.

“Waiting for my husband to come home. We were supposed to have dinner with Mike and Callie, remember? I tried calling you. You don’t answer and don’t return my calls or my texts. I’m not just your wife in this little play, Dean, I am your partner! And out there? In our real world? We have to have each others backs,” she yelled, launching herself from the chair and getting right up in his face. Y/N was never one to back down without a fight and, as she stood chest to chest with him, she was prepared to stand her ground come hell or high water.

Dean’s face contorted, out of fear or anger, or something else entirely, he wasn’t exactly sure. He didn’t know what it was about this woman that got under his skin in the best and worst ways possible. He could feel himself heating up from the inside out and he knew the dam was about to break.

“Dammit, Y/N!” Dean shouted. He grabbed her face with both hands, crashing his lips to hers with bruising force. His tongue pressed between her lips, invading her mouth. The battle raged for dominance even as he turned them, pressing her up against the wall. Y/N gripped his shoulders, holding on, and tilted her head, deepening the kiss. It was hot and messy, all teeth and tongues, but it very well may have been the best damn kiss of her life as she pulled back, trying to regain her breath.

Dean took a step back, composing himself. His mossy green eyes flitted over her, taking in the mussed hair and swollen lips. He was sorry, but if the tightness of his pants was any indication, he definitely wanted to kiss her again, consequences be damned.

“I’m sorry. I-I shouldn’t have…I’m sorry.” Dean stammered. “There was a demon. Jake asked for back up. We’ve been tailing him for a week and tonight we finally caught him and sent his ass back to Hell. But he knows who we are and why we’re here.”

“I’d recognize the self righteous stank of a Winchester anywhere. Think you and your little toy can play house here? This is my town. I know everything that happens here,” the demon taunted Dean while Jake performed the exorcism.

“What do you know about the disappearances?” Dean demanded, throwing more holy water on the demon, making it hiss in pain.

“Disappearances?” the demon laughed. “No, there haven’t been any disappearances, except for a runaway here and there. No, you need to look a little higher, Deano.” The demon looked skyward.

“I can’t talk any slower, Winchester, so you better make quick with the interrogation!” Jake yelled at Dean before resuming his incantation.

“Cut the crap! I don’t have time for your fucking bullshit! Lives are on the line dickbag!” Dean poured holy water over the demon’s head once more.

“…Ab insidiis diaboli, libera nos, Domine… hurry up, Dean!” Jake shouted.

“You’re gonna tell me that this is about God and the angels?” Dean countered.

“You hunters think only the monsters go after the humans? Tsk tsk…But you’ll never find her in time. At the rate you’re going, she’ll find you first and turn you to dust.”

“…Ut Ecclesiam tuam secura tibi facias libertate servire, te rogamus, audi nos!” Jake finished his incantation and the demon exited the human vessel, going back to Hell. “Good riddance, bottom feeder.”

“Angels and demons, Heaven and Hell, God…what the hell is going on?” Dean ran a hand over his face. He had just been hoping to hunt something and jumped at the chance when Jake asked. He wasn’t prepared for this. He needed to get home and talk to Y/N. He needed to call Sam and Bobby. They needed to research.

Dean recounted the exorcism for Y/N. “Honey, I am so sorry I didn’t tell you. I know we have to be honest, and I do have your back and I know you have mine. But, now we have an idea of what we’re dealing with. I know we have more we need to talk about, but we need to call Sammy first. I prayed to Cas all the way home, but he’s gone radio fucking silent, again.”

Y/N wasn’t sure how to feel about this new development, not just in the case, but in her relationship with Dean. That was the first time he ever called her by anything other than her name at home, and the kiss? Yeah, that just threw a big God damned wrench in everything.

The Whole Enchilada: @iwantthedean @dolphincliffs @mrswhozeewhatsis @meganwinchester1999 @cherrycokegirls1 @closetspngirl @roxyspearing @flamencodiva @blacktithe7 @sis-tafics @just-another-busyfangirl @evansrogerskitten @amanda-teaches @hannahindie @wotinspntarnation @winchesterprincessbride @winecatsandpizza @kickingitwithkirk @wi-deangirl77 @hobby27 @mogaruke @gh0stgurl @paintrider13-blog @hunterscabin @alleiradayne @idreamofplaid

The Dean’s List: @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @dean-winchesters-bacon @maddiepants @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @supernatural-jackles @docharleythegeekqueen @adoptdontshoppets @mtngirlforever

Making Circles: @squirrelnotsam @karikatz12481 @deans-baby-momma

#heaven & hell bingo #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #dean x reader angst #dean x reader fluff #dean winchester fanfic #supernatural fanfiction

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beckzorz · 5 years

Text

World on Fire (4/12)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader; background skinny!Steve Rogers x Peggy Carter Warnings: Canon-typical violence; language; sexual content. Summary: Brooklyn, 1948. Bucky Barnes, war hero, lives three floors down, and the evenings he comes to watch the sunset with you on the fire escape are the best times in your shabby life. But reality is far uglier than it seems when swinging your legs six floors up with Bucky at your side. On top of a good-for-nothing brother and a poor family upstate, there’s a new mob hitman in town: the Winter Soldier. A/N: Written for @cametobuyplums Fizz’s 2000 Plums Writing Challenge—thanks Fizz! Sorry to have skipped a day last week, hope y'all don’t mind!

4. Monday, June 2

“Alice, don’t even say it, I’m so sorry!” You bolt down into Dr. Simon’s kitchen ten minutes late, the frantic hum of anxiety thrumming through you.

Alice tuts and throws down her ball of dough with a muffled thump. “Well, I hope so,” she says. “Never seen you so late before.”

“My brother was visiting,” you tell her, grabbing the biscuit tray. “He’s a menace.”

“Must be.”

Alice waves floury fingers as you pass by. Up the stairs—you don’t dare go two at a time, not with a china tray, but you still manage to nearly lose a biscuit—and rush through the dining room, eyes on the wobbling biscuits.

One step into the waiting room, a shadow on the couch catches your eye. You look up and nearly drop the whole tray.

“What are you doing here?” you blurt.

Bucky Barnes’ head snaps up from the magazine open on the coffee table, his eyes widening. He surges to his feet as you gape at him.

“I brought Steve over,” he says. His eyes are glued to you as you dart forward and set the biscuits down before stepping back, hands clenched in front of you.

You’ve never seen Bucky here. He’s got his own doctor, one who knows more about amputees and prosthetics. It’s odd to see him here among the floral upholstery and gauzy curtains. He looks… Well, with his fancy suit and his slicked-back hair, he looks almost at home. He’s even wearing his prosthetic. You almost never see him wearing it these days—but then, you don’t see him during the day, when he’s his proper self. He doesn’t look like the Bucky you know.

You glance down at your faded dress, a lump forming in your throat. All well and good on the fire escape, but—you hadn’t even had time to properly do your hair. You look… like you live on the fifth floor with Alice and Don. And Bucky looks like he belongs with china teacups and slick upholstery. You swallow back the bile in your throat.

“Is Steve alright?” you finally ask.

“Dunno,” Bucky says with a shrug. “Doc seemed to think it was nothin’, but you never know with Steve.”

You nod uncertainly. You’re just the secretary; you don’t know how good or bad Steve Rogers’ prognosis really is. Well, prognoses. He’s got a lot wrong, Steve does.

Another step back. “Well, nice to see you.”

Bucky opens his mouth to respond, but you turn and flee, face burning, chest painfully tight. You rush upstairs to the other office, the one where you keep all the files organized and answer the phone and jot down appointments in the big spiral-bound book open to this week. You fling yourself into the leather chair at the desk and bury your face in your hands, heaving great big breaths that just barely keep you grounded.

Why did Bucky have to bring Steve? Couldn’t Steve have come on his own? You can handle Steve just fine, but you didn't expect to see Bucky again so soon. And so… well, so formally. You’d never seen him in a place like this. Just on fire escapes and the occasional soda shop, and that one time you’d gone dancing back in ‘42.

In those places, you feel on equal footing. There’s no hierarchy on the fire escape outside your window, and the only distinctions that matter on a dance floor are lead and follow.

Here?

It’s not the same, and you hate it. You know your fantasies of him are ridiculous, impossible—but the stark reality of the differences between you is flinging all that dirty, ugly truth in your face.

The war had been no picnic for him, but he’d come out a hero with a swanky new job to boot. And you were exactly where you’d started: poor, full of longing, and, most of all, alone. Alone except for your good-for-nothing brother and your all-too-perceptive friends who have surpassed you in every way.

You drag your hands down your face and shake yourself out of your misery. There’s a list of calls to make, a stack of notes to type up. Files to pull out and appointments to schedule.

Enough moping. You have work to do.

—

You listen close for Steve and Bucky’s departure, and only then do you run today’s files downstairs for Dr. Simon. He peers at you through his thick glasses.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m peachy,” you tell him firmly, and from there it’s business as usual.

—

Five flights to the sixth floor of your apartment building. Your calves ache with their customary burn, and you collapse facedown on your bed with a groan.

Well, aside from Bucky’s surprise appearance, it hadn’t been much worse than usual. You don’t mind your job, not really. If half your salary didn’t get sent home to help your struggling family upstate, you might even love it.

But no, you look like a factory girl even though you work in the nicest house in the neighborhood. You’re grateful Dr. Simon doesn’t seem to care. All your friends—Mary, Goldie—think you’re lucky, or would be, if only you didn’t have your damn family to help take care of.

If only your brother did his part. And not like he did the other day, but actually, properly did his part.

“Ugh,” you mutter.

Your brother. Your baby brother, with his tendency to disappear for weeks at a time and reappear with his gap-tooth grin, a fresh scrape, and just enough cash for home to make you forget to be mad at him.

You don’t want to know how he gets the money. It’s bad enough that he does. You’re happy in the dark, really. But sometimes you wonder. You worry. Can’t help it—he’s your baby brother. You worried all through his deployment, all through the months after the war’s end when you’d heard not a word until he showed up one day at your door, that gap-tooth grin enough to dissolve you into tears.

But today…

Today you’re past tears. Today you’re angry. Whatever had happened to him yesterday was far worse than a scrape. He’d been pummeled near within an inch of his life! When he’d been in front of you, bleeding and limping, your heart had stopped, but now that he’s gone? Fled into the night like some common criminal, leaving just a bloodstain behind?

You can’t help but be angry. If he had a job, a proper job—even if it was just staying on the farm—he could take care of the rest of the family like he should. He’s the man. How did you end up the breadwinner?

Oh, that’s right. Because you have a sense of decency.

You roll over on your bed with a sigh. The sky is still bright, the air still hot and sticky with late afternoon heat. With your window cracked open now you’re home, you can hear people talking and laughing below, the distant clatter of pots and pans, the rumble of the metro, the honking traffic.

Your stomach rumbles. Someone downstairs is making chicken. You force yourself from your bed.

If you make your dinner now, maybe you can pretend you’re eating chicken too.

—

Sunset finds you scrubbing at the bloodstains on your pillowcase and handkerchiefs. Leave it to David to make a mess you can’t even ask him to clean up.

It takes time, but you manage to get most of the blood away. If anyone asks, you can always say it was your own bloody nose. Not that you’ve had one in years, but who’s to know?

You take the damp laundry to the fire escape, pinning it up on the clothesline overhead. The twilight is beautiful, all purples and blues, streaks of pink. Not a cloud in sight. Just some birds wheeling overhead. You lean on the railing and watch them, your heart full. God, if only you could fly away too.

The girls downstairs are out on their landing with their cigarettes, the smell a comfort even if you’re not in the mood for one yourself. They’re chatting about nothing in particular, and you easily tune them out as you watch the sky slowly turn dark.

The heavy patter of climbing feet catches your attention before the girls notice anyone coming.

“Ladies.”

A chill runs down your spine. Blood rushes in your ears. You scramble to your feet.

“Oh, hi James!”

The girls, adorable flirts, wheedle Bucky as you slip back in your window and draw the curtain tight.

A hand to your chest does nothing to calm your pounding heart. Please let him not come up, please…

“Excuse me,” Bucky says, “just going up.”

Your heart sinks. You forgot to close the window. He’ll know you’re home—hell, he probably knew all along. You sigh and sink onto your mattress, twisting your fingers in your lap as you wait for Bucky—beautiful, terrifying, untouchable Bucky—to arrive. You can hear the girls in 5B going inside.

“Hey.”

Bucky’s voice is low. You twist, and you can just make out his crouched silhouette against your flimsy curtain.

You swallow, steel yourself for the suit, the slicked-back hair, the look of wealth so alien and out of reach. A flick of your hand, and you can see him.

Words don’t come. Just a rush of shock, of awe, of wanting.

Bucky isn’t wearing a suit. His hair isn’t slicked back. The strange man of this morning is gone.

All Bucky is wearing is trousers and an undershirt. Not even his prosthetic arm. Just Bucky, his hair falling loose across his forehead, as unassuming—as gorgeous as he’s ever been. His blue eyes soft, his soft mouth quirked up and so damn pretty, his strong hand dangling between his knees as he crouches at your window.

You swallow.

“Will you come out?” Bucky asks.

You obey without thinking. Bucky moves aside, offers you his one hand to help you climb out. You hesitate before taking it, all too aware how that simple touch sends sparks all along your skin. Even when you drop his hand, your skin tingles. You smooth down your skirt and bury every feeling in the empty air below.

Bucky stands and plucks at the pillowcase hanging between you. “What happened?” he asks.

“I—I had a nosebleed.” Your voice is small, nearly hoarse.

“Is that why you were so flustered this morning?”

Shame burns your face, your chest. You step back, hands twitching at your sides, face flaming, and Bucky winces.

“F—I’m sorry,” he says. “I just…”He trails off and runs his hand through his hair. “You didn’t seem like yourself.”

You let out a slow breath between your teeth and flatten your hands against your back. “Neither did you.”

He blinks. A sigh, and he lowers himself down in his customary spot and pats the place beside him. You slide in, feet dangling like his, heart pounding. You don’t know what to say.

“I wish I hadn’t gone,” Bucky mutters.

You stare. “With Steve?”

“I never went there before,” he continues. “Wasn’t planning on it, but when he gets all breathless…”

“Well, of course you went with him,” you say. “He’s your friend.” Your eyes dart to your pillowcase. “We take care of people we care about. That’s what you’re supposed to do.”

Bucky shakes his head. His hand curls around the railing, the knuckles white. His brow is drawn tight, his eyes lowered.

What's he trying to say? What’s he thinking? You don’t understand him, not one jot.

It’s a long moment before he speaks again.

“It didn’t feel right,” he says. The words are slow, careful. “Seeing you there.” His eyes flit in your direction. “It wasn’t like this.”

You swallow again, throat suddenly tight. If it didn’t feel right at Dr. Simon’s, does that mean that this does? This—these moments on the fire escape, the best moments of your life—feels right?

At work, you felt like he was worlds above you, leagues away. Here, on the fire escape of your tenement building, together?

Bucky feels within reach. Or he could be, if.

“No,” you agree, voice barely above a whisper. “It wasn’t like this.”

Bucky props his cheek against his hand and gazes at you. You’re so caught by those blue eyes that it takes a moment to realize how sad he looks. Your heart breaks, but for the life of you you can’t bring yourself to push. You can’t prod where he’s never given an inch—it wouldn’t be kind. Or right.

But you can’t just stare at him forever, no matter how much you wish you could. You clear your throat. “It’s alright now though, isn’t it?”

He nods, his cheek moving against his hand, his hair shifting across his forehead. You grip the bars of the fire escape to keep from brushing it back.

“Right now? Yeah.” He sighs, and you can’t help yourself anymore. You put a hand on his shoulder.

“What’s wrong, Bucky?”

Bucky shakes his head. “Nothin’ you can fix. I’ll live.”

“Well, maybe I can’t fix it, but can’t I at least help?” you plead.

“You are helping,” he says.

He grabs your hand; your breath catches as his bright eyes fix on yours. Bucky brushes his lips against your knuckles. Your heart’s in your throat, your eyes wide as dinner plates, your lips parted, ready, waiting—but he drops your hand, looks away, and the little spark flaring in your chest fizzles out.

“You are helping,” he repeats, but it falls flat. He hoists himself to his feet, brushes off his trousers, and looks down at you with an unreadable expression. “I—I’ll see ya around.”

You watch him go. Your heart goes with him, his every step down tearing you open that little bit more.

—

The moon shines unpleasantly bright through your window. You squeeze your eyes shut as you bury your face in your pillow for the hundredth time.

If you were a few stories down, you wouldn’t even be able to see the moon. But no, you’re on the top floor, the hot roof right above and moonlight streaming into your tiny bedroom, across your tiny bed. It’s a good thing you’ve never had a sweetheart. Where would they fit?

Bucky would never fit here, you think.

Your eyes pop open as heat flares in your face, your belly.

Why is it that every time you see him he invades your thoughts? Why can’t you banish him from your mind as easily as he surely banishes you from his? He’s Bucky Barnes, for goodness sake. A war hero, as gorgeous as he unattainable. He may have kissed your hand, may have said you were helping, but there’s no call to think he has any thoughts of you when he climbs back down to his floor, to his bed…

You toss your sheet aside, every inch of your body burning as you press your hands to your eyes, willing your mind to behave. Your nightgown shifts across your breasts. With an angry whimper, you start to tug it off.

Then you stop.

Your window is open, the shades flung wide. It’s not quiet outside—Brooklyn’s never quiet—but the distant sounds of the city are mere hums. Your ears strain for the creak of the fire escape, but there’s none.

If there was…

Your eyes flutter closed, and your hands stray from your eyes to trail down your face, your neck. You can imagine footsteps, a shadow over your window, a gasp at the sight you make spread on your bed, fingers tracing the neckline of your nightgown and legs bared nearly all the way. Would he gasp? Turn away, spare your modesty? Or would he suck in a breath and watch?

Deft circles of your thumbs harden your nipples. Your eyes stay shut as you lose yourself in your fantasy, of blue eyes darkening as you slip one hand lower and tug your nightgown up over your hips, legs rubbing together in an attempt to ease the burning tension.

A creak on the fire escape.

Your eyes fly open, terror ratcheting through you as you shove your nightgown back into place. The landing at your window is empty, but chatter echoes from downstairs. The girls in 5B. You press your hand to your heart and try to steady your breathing. The click of a lighter, hushed giggles, and your fantasy is shattered.

You prop yourself on unsteady knees and stick your head outside. “Be quiet, will ya?” you hiss.

Martha and Helen call up quiet apologies, and to your relief they disappear back inside. You yank the curtain shut, fling yourself back onto your bed, and try to sleep.

#bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #bucky barnes x y/n #winter soldier imagine #becca writes #world on fire

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creature-phases · 6 years

Text

Some of my favorite lyrics by Musicians I Like Pt. 1

George Watsky

-“And I can't really tell, If I'm a good person or I'm faking really well” -10 Fingers

-“If I get just fifteen minutes I’m gonna stay myself, and when that 16th minute comes I won’t hate myself”-4AM Monday

-“I know how failure taste, I drink it straight from the carton”-4AM Monday

-“Tell Pluto he’s not a planet and he’ll probably keep spinning in the same old way.”-Firework

-“You do it ‘cause you love it like nothing else in the universe, and fuck it, it’s embedded in your DNA.”-Firework

-“And I’m sure every girl in the world is pearl and the earth is a perfect globe, but when I’m joking with my little cousin and he pulls my finger the motherfucking earth explodes!”- Ugly Faces

-“I know I should be grateful, I know I’m good and able, but I don’t have the strength to get up from the kitchen table.”-Hey, Asshole

-“But when you take a punch, don’t you ever forget, why you get up and you put one foot in front of the next!”-Hey, Asshole

-“We be greedy, and it’s tragic that we yawn, We got every gadget but don’t care there’s magic in our palm”-Tiny Glowing Screens pt. 1

-“Before God’s dad got it on with God’s mom, Before he made us pretty things on which to drop bombs.”-Tiny Glowing Screens pt.1

-“But then the planet lost its baby fat and got crazy, And we’ve been acting like some fraidycats a lot lately, Something’ll kill us like cigarettes or the commies maybe, Or maybe AIDS or scabies, rabies or zombie babies.”- Tiny Glowing Screens pt. 1

-“And I can’t tell our little victories from epic fails, It’s either heaven or hell and I can’t make heads or tails”- Tiny Glowing Screens pt. 1

-“There’s 7 billion 46 million people on the planet, And I have the audacity to think I matter.”- Tiny Glowing Screens pt. 2

-“The reason there’s smog in Los Angeles is ‘cause if we could see the stars, If we could see the context of the universe in which we exist, And we could see how small each one of us is, Against the vastness of what we don’t know, No one would ever audition for a McDonalds commercial again, And then where would we be?”- Tiny Glowing Screens pt. 2

-“But don’t paint me like the good guy ‘cause every time I write, I get to choose the angle that you view me and select the nicest light, You wouldn’t respect me if you heard the typewriter chatter tap tap

Tapping through my mind at night.”- Tiny Glowing Screens pt. 2

-“My heart is a colored pencil, but my brain is an eraser.”- Tiny Glowing Screens pt. 2

-“My soul is a crowded subway train, And people keep deciding to get on the next one that rolls through town.”- Tiny Glowing Screens pt. 2

-“And there is not a single place that I would rather be. I’m fucked up just like you are, and you’re fucked up just like me.”- Sloppy Seconds

-“I don’t care, where you’ve been, how many miles, I still love you”- Sloppy Seconds

-“Every single person has got a couple skeletons.”- Sloppy Seconds

-“We all have our pitfalls, beer’s flat, the cabs have been called. And everybody and their momma can hear the drama happening behind these thin walls.”- Sloppy Seconds

-“I’ve come to learn it’s hard and firm out on the curb again.”- Cardboard Castles

-“I’m still dreaming after all these years.” - Cardboard Castles

-“This life’s our greatest project. The journeys all an art.”-Cardboard Castles

-“Because I might cry if I don’t keep it moving, I focus on what I can make and not on what just got ruined.”-Cardboard Castles

-“There’s nothing I can’t solve with duct tape and construction paper.”-Cardboard Castles

-When I look at who's around, and it feels like two's a crowd, I don't run and hide, I just smile real wide, and I turn my music loud.”-Headphones

-“I know my Grandma loved me. She thought I was handsome trust me”- Who’s Been Loving You

-“Wish I pretended that mom and dad are dead to me. But I love my dad, that motherfucker read to me.”- Who’s been Loving You

-“Even though I owe them money, I think it's pretty likely, that my whole family loves me.”-Who’s Been Loving You

-“I'm done being seized and I'm seizing my chances.”- Seizure Boy

-“And if the world breaks your legs then go and beat it with your crutch.”- Seizure Boy

-“Please, get the medic. Let it breathe. I'll be the baddest motherfucking epileptic I can be!”- Seizure Boy

-“The moon is out tonight (It's bright)

Is everything alright? (Not quite). I wouldn't act like I know (no) know (no) know (no) know (no) know, Just what you're going through (No shit). But if you're feeling blue (Don't quit). I want to tell you, my brother, I feel the same way too”-Two Blue Moons

-“One day you opened up your eyes inside of you Inside a world inside a universe you didn’t get to choose.”- Talking To Myself

-“Outside the need to get it, get it? You will never get it. That’s okay.”-Talking To Myself

-“Have you felt a little off today? Had a lot to say. But wound up talking to yourself?”-Talking To Myself

-“But do you ever have another moment after that, when you can see. There’s no one way this has to be? or maybe that’s just me.”- Talking To Myself

-“If I could go back then (back then). If I could go back when (back when). I was a stupidass (dumbass) I'd do it all again (again)”- Stupidass

-“Cause the traits that got us beat down, are what make us stand out.”- Stupidass

-“I work the quirks, cause if I didn't start sloppily, I'd never clean up this cotdamn properly.”- Stupidass

-“So I moved to LA, to the land of milk and self hate.“- Stupidass

-“I don't know quite where I'm going, but I'm on my way. I won't look over my shoulder, back at yesterday. I know that I'm getting older, a little bit grey. But I won't turn my face to look.”- Stupidass

-“Yesterday night after dark. He carefully wrote his remarks. But everyone said what he put on his page so he threw it way and went straight from the heart.”- Wounded Healer

-“Hi, I'm Mr. Nice Guy, nice to meet you

Don't worry Mr. Nice Guy doesn't bite! (Hard) Remember, I'm Mr. Nice Guy and Mr. Nice Guy Can show you a real nice night (If you know what I mean).”- Mr Nice Guy

-“Everything is A-O-K, cause I’m strong as a O-A-K (an oak), but money don’t grow on trees so I’m B- R-O-K-E (Broke!)- Strong as an Oak

#blue nether stuff #music #lyrics #george watsky #watsky #rapper

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hello-stensy-blog · 6 years

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Crushable, Chapter II : Should I stay or Should I go?

Everything was pitch black in the car’s trunk. The only thing Stensland was able to say about the road was that it was pretty bumpy now. The darkness was not the only inconvenience: he was uncomfortably huddled up on himself. It reminded Stensland of a childhood memory. When he was ten, playing hide and seek with his cousin, he hid in his grandpa's car trunk. After a few hours of searching, no one could find him. Stensland was pretty proud of not being easily found that day. Now, he would give the world to have someone find him, because despite appearances, Stensland was not ten anymore and he couldn’t fit in such a tiny place without it hurting. Plus, this was no game. It wasn’t his old grandpa’s cheap car, but a bad guy’s expensive one.

He was ugly sobbing. He has had too much contradictory feelings in the last twenty four hours. I just want to go home. I'm scared. These guys don’t mess around. What the Hell are they going to do to me?

*********************************************** They attempted to chase down the vehicle until they lost sight of it. The angry ginger in the passenger seat had his face all tensed. Clyde was driving but he didn’t know where he was even going anymore. Eventually, the ginger told him a direction that he followed.

-So is this like your plan B or somethin'? -More like plan G, to be honest, the ginger answered in a cross tone.

They drove until they reached an abandoned house deeper into the countryside. They parked here and Clyde went to remove a very distressed Stensland from the car's trunk.

-Don’t kill me, please! I didn’t know there was money in your bag! -And how come you know now? the Ginger retorted. Stensland had no idea how to answer, but it didn’t matter. At the bag’s owner command, Clyde was shoving him inside the house. Stensland ended up cuffed to a chair in the middle of a near-empty room, the only furniture being the chair he sat on and another. Stensland had watched enough TV to know where this was going. His whole body was shaking. He looked like a frightened child. The sight of it was making Clyde feel sad. He thought that it was unfair, somehow, that Stensland was not a bad guy or a criminal. He was just dumb enough to steal a bag obviously filled with dirty money. He’s no gangster, he’s no more than a scared kitty. Crushable in so many ways. While the mean ginger was away, Clyde awkwardly stroked Stensland’s hair in a comforting way. Stensland tensed up, then relaxed after a second. His face now showed something like hope.

-Please, he told Clyde in a begging tone, You have to help me. They will cut me into little dice if you don’t! -They won’t, Clyde said. Clyde stepped back quickly when the ginger returned. He was yelling on the phone again.

- Ugh! I don't know, Ren, figure this out on your own! You're a grown up! You know where to find me when you’ve finished! He hung up. He gave Stensland a nasty smile. Dude's even more frightening when he smiles, Clyde thought. What is he up to now anyways?

-My colleague is currently looking for the car that left with the bag, if you want to know. When he is done with that, he will join our little party. You have until his arrival to come up with a way to refund me.

-But I... I don't know! I really don’t ! I am so sorry, but that was a lot of money, and- He slapped Stensland to make him shut up. It worked. He then said: -I KNOW there was a lot of money. That is precisely why it is SO important. -I-I can’t do anything for you, I’m sorry, I’m SO sorry! They left with that bag, and I don’t have a lot of money right now so it will take me ages to fill up a bag, and- -Oh, I’m so sorry, the Ginger said with a mockingly empathic tone, I had no idea you were so miserable! I guess that’s settled then, I’ll leave you be! Everything is forgiven, everything is forgotten! I’ll just have to tell my boss that you are sorry! He’s a very understanding guy, after all! </p>

He slapped him once more and switched to his usual cold voice: -If my coworker can't get his hands on the bag you stole, I swear we will enslave you. So you better pray that we get it back before I lose my patience.

Clyde frowned. Okay, that is definitely wrong, and not only because the poor Stensland looks like he is about to shit himself. I can't stand there and watch these guys destroy his life just for some stupid money, can I? It ain't like the mafia is running low on money. So what if they lost some? They're probably gonna get twice what they lost by the end of the week. While Clyde settled deep in his thoughts, the conversation between the two gingers went on. There were more threats thrown from one side and begging from the other. It ended with Stensland’s chair being kicked, falling to the ground with him on it. Blood was streaming across Stensland's face from the impact when his eyes met Clyde's. He looked miserable―like a martyr. He does not belong in this harsh crime world, he has an angel's face. He should be married to a sweet girl, expecting a cute baby and owning two fluffy kittens instead of the life this mafia boy promised him. Clyde made up his mind then. Knocking down the abusive ginger was an easy task for him as he was too caught up in bullying Stensland to notice Clyde’s move in on him. He took him down with a strong blow to the head with the second chair. In one of the stunned man’s pant pocket he found a set of keys. He found one to free Stensland from his handcuffs and helped him up. Stensland was definitely confused at the new turn of events.

- Can you stand? Clyde asked him.

Stensland nodded quickly. His body was shaking.

-Let's go. Stensland hurriedly gathered his backpack and followed him.

***********************************************

Stensland was back in that car, except now he was not in the trunk. He was in the passenger's seat and Clyde was driving really fast. Rifling in the glove box, Stensland found a wallet. His interest was piqued and he checked inside. It contained cash (lots!) and an ID card. Stensland giggled. Clyde threw a brief glance over to him, wondering what was so funny.

-His name is Armitage! -Your name is Stensland, Clyde reminded him.

Stensland pouted a bit. Now he felt silly for even bringing it up. The silence was too heavy for him, so he kept his mind busy by resuming exploring the contents of the glove box. Stensland found a gun. He definitely had goosebumps now, taking it in his hands. It was heavier than what he imagined. He began pretending to aim just for fun. He felt like a Big Deal. Well, maybe he was after all. In the past twenty four hours, lots of shit had happened he had never thought he would ever experience. Clyde turned to him again.

-Uh, you know how to handle a gun, right?

Stensland sighed. Why did people always assume he had no idea of what he was doing? Why did people always think of him as a big baby? He answered with overconfidence:

- Well, it’s simple! A child could-

He was interrupted by the sound of the gun’s silencer going off as he accidentally fired. Both men jumped at the sound and Clyde lost control of their vehicle for a time, which caused Stensland to scream his lungs out. Clyde quickly took action to restore their initial position on the road. Now that the situation was under control and they were no longer at risk of getting into an accident, Clyde squared his jaw and ordered Stensland in the nicest way possible:

-Put that gun down, please.

Clyde didn’t need to ask twice. Stensland quickly put the gun back in the glove box.

-I’m so, so sorry, I-

As he was apologizing once again--something he had done far too much in the time Clyde has known him, Stensland saw IT. His face instantly got two shades lighter as he realized what he had done. He had accidentally shot Clyde’s left arm. Clyde had certainly noticed the bullet hole in his prosthetic, which explained why he looked so dreadfully pissed. Damn it. He saves my life and I repay him by shooting his fake arm. Good job, Stensland.

There was another awkward silence until Stensland had what he considered a bright idea. He fumbled in his backpack until he found them―a colorful box of band aids. Favoring a light blue one with a pattern of ducks and hearts on it, he peeled away the film and proceeded to cover the bullet hole with it. Clyde took a look at it, remaining silent for a while. Then out of the blue, he giggled. That was a relief for Stensland.

*********************************************** Armitage woke up to what sounded like thunder. He promptly got back on his feet, perhaps a little too quickly. He found that he had a terrible headache, and he knew who to blame for that.

-Damn you, Clyde Logan…!

The thunderous sound stopped. Soon, a man entered, wearing a stylized black and silver motorcycle helmet.

-You certainly took your time, Ren, Hux growled, They’re gone! -For fuck’s sake, Hux! I was chasing the idiots who stole the money YOU were dumb enough to let them have! At least show some appreciation! -Well, did you catch them? -I didn’t, Ren admitted, But that’s not the point! -Why would I show you appreciation then! Oh god, let’s just skip that! Did you tell ANYONE? -Of course not. -At least there is something you did well. We must go now! These assholes took my car! -Wait… Come again? Are you telling me that...they took your Camaro?

Ren sounded like he found it amusing. He knew Hux cared about his car way too much. It was on the verge of an obsession, really. A real clean-freak. He never even let them make out inside of it. Picturing his precious baby stolen by two idiotic amateurs... But he quickly changed his opinion when he saw Hux's face. He looked like he was about to spit on his face, burn him alive and cry in shame at the same time.

-Come on babe, chill. We’re gonna catch them. -Don’t you ‘Babe’ me you freaking moron! Let’s GO!

For once, Hux didn’t complain about getting behind Ren on his motorcycle. He ‘hated those machines’ as they always ‘ruined his hair.’ Ren always rode ‘too fast and careless.’ Now, though, desperate times called for desperate measures.

#clydeland #clydeland fic #clyde logan #stensland #logan lucky #crashpad #crash pad #kylux #armitage hux #kylo ren

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mizbabygirl · 7 years

Text

Kane and Toews face off (from ESPN.com) [12\10\2013]

THE POWER-PLAY partnership of Blackhawks cornerstones Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews has already yielded two Stanley Cup championships and a Conn Smythe Trophy for each and they're only 25.

But off the ice, there is no neutral zone; the former roommates are hockey's version of The Odd Couple. Toews, who became the franchise's youngest captain at age 20, is the contemplative Canadian. Kane, the first American forward named Stanley Cup playoffs MVP, is the brash Buffalo native. Their chemistry clearly works, but how long can they keep it going?

We turned the mic over to Kaner and Jonny and let them face off.

Patrick Kane: Jonny, the last time we played against each other, in the 2010 Olympics, we got into it. I don't know if you remember.

Jonathan Toews: Oh, I remember. Wasn't it inside your blue line, along the far wall? We were just horsing around, weren't we? No?

Kane: I thought it was pretty serious.

Toews: You were worked up.

Kane: That's because you came over and said something. I don't remember why we were chirping back and forth, but it sent me over the edge. Do you envision that happening again if our teams meet in the Olympics [in Sochi]?

Toews: We're probably safer being on opposing teams than we would be playing on the same line or sitting close to each other on the bench.

Kane: That gold-medal game in Vancouver, even though we were pissed we lost and got silver, was awesome for hockey. Something like 30 million people watched it. Even in the U.S., a game like that can help grow the game.

Toews: I had to sneak around the city [after Canada won]. My family and I went to The Roxy with Brent Seabrook and a couple of other players after the game. We snuck through the back of the bar and went downstairs to the basement. Vince Vaughn and some other Chicago people were there. When we'd try to go upstairs into the crowd, it was just nuts; you couldn't move.

Someone ordered a round of 50 shots and started celebrating with tons of random, crazy Canadian fans. It was awesome. If we have a chance to go to [Sochi] I don't really know what to expect. You hear the stories of how different it is to play hockey in Russia.

I don't know if you've ever been there, Kaner, but I had the chance to go to Moscow for the World Championships in 2007. It's a whole different experience. You never know if it's going to be like that -- or if the athletes will be sheltered away from things. But Sochi looks beautiful.

Kane: You hear that Sochi is really nice, but that where the families are staying could be an hour and a half away from where the players are staying. It seems like it's going to be a lot different than Vancouver. You might look back to Vancouver and say that was the first time you got to play in the Olympics and it was almost like you were spoiled there. It was so nice, everything was set up awesome.

You could almost walk to see your parents and family. It's always cool to go to different places and see what's really out there in the world. It would be great to get that opportunity.

Toews: Who drank more beer or champagne out of the Cup in 2010 and 2013 combined: me or you?

Kane: Are you trying to make me look worse or better here?

Toews: You can say me.

Kane: Well, as the captain, you had two days with the Cup.

Toews: Yeah, I logged a few more hours with it and I took advantage of it. OK, how about this: Who did more community work or kissed more babies with the Cup? I'm trying to rebuild your image here.

Kane: That's good. I did charity events with the Cup all the time. What else did you do during the offseason?

Toews: I just went fishing, boating, hung out at my cabin at the lake. My buddies saw pictures of your jet skis and boats, and now they're always asking if mine are as sweet as yours. They'd rather go party with you because you've got the big shack and the swimming pool with no deep end.

Toews: Which teammate would you let date one of your sisters?

Kane: A couple of years ago I might have said you.

Toews: But not anymore?

Kane: Not anymore. There are some guys you definitely would not want dating your sister especially hockey players. I'd have to go with Nick Leddy though. He's the nicest guy in the world.

Toews: Nicest ever.

Kane: He's a really nice, shy kid.

Toews: He's undercover, though. Be careful with that.

Kane: People ask if you and I ever fought off the ice.

Toews: Are you kidding me?

Kane: We were roommates for five years. There were certainly times when we weren't happy with one another, but I think that's natural. You spend enough time with someone, you're going to have your run-ins.

Toews: Can I tell the Toronto story?

Kane: [Laughs] That's the one I don't want you to bring up.

Toews: C'mon! It's funny ... now. We were just getting to know each other. It's the night before one of our first games in Canada as rookies. We're in Toronto and the game's going to be on "Hockey Night in Canada," so I'm in bed early. Probably 10 o'clock. I'm nervous thinking about the game, but you're out having a late dinner or whatever.

You come in and start causing a ruckus. Doors slam. People are in the hallway. Five minutes after you lay down, you're passed out and snoring. Now I'm awake, absolutely livid. My blood is just pumping as I lie there awake. Another hour goes by and I can't sleep. It's maybe 1 o'clock in the morning. You're still snoring. I get up and start punching your bed. You wake up and start hitting me with a pillow. I don't know if you remember that.

Kane: Oh, I remember.

Toews: We were so mad at each other that we were going to fight right there in the middle of the night.

Kane: You were so pissed the next morning. Stormed out of the room.

Toews: I felt like s--- after a sleepless night.

Kane: Remember what happened in the game? We were down 3-1 or something, but came back and won 6-4. After the game, you were still pissed off. You said, "Thanks for ruining my game on 'Hockey Night in Canada.'"

Toews: No way I said that.

Kane: I was like, "C'mon."

Toews: I never said that.

Kane: Yeah, you did. For sure.

Toews: Not a chance. You had two points, for god sakes! Lit it up. Led the comeback. I just sat on the bench. Steaming.

Kane: Still steaming from the night before.

Custance: Do you ever discuss your next contracts? Both of your deals expire after the 2014-15 season, but negotiations can start next summer.

Kane: It's funny that people even bring it up now. We just got over the hump of our five-year contract. It's still two years away. I mean, who knows what's going to happen in that amount of time? I'm sure you want to stay here, Jonny. I'd love to stay here, too.

Toews: Are you hinting at who deserves more?

Kane: I'm leaving if you make more. [Laughs.]

Toews: We'll both pretend that we're not bothered by it [if the other makes more]. Look at [Ducks forwards] Corey Perry and Ryan Getzlaf, who both signed for, what, eight more years? It's a debate you can go on and on about: Who is more valuable to their team? There are arguments to be made either way, but if you let ego get in the way, that's when it becomes an issue. You've scored more points and done certain things in your career while I've contributed to the team in other ways.

At the end of the day, I don't think we'll be complaining about the situation. We'll both be pretty darn happy if we get a chance to continue the relationship with the team here.

Kane: It's not like I wouldn't pass you the puck because you're making more money than me. [Pittsburgh's Evgeni] Malkin is making more money [in average annual salary] than Sidney Crosby, right? He's signed for less years or whatever it may be. But Crosby has a long-term deal.

Kane: At the end of the day, do you really care? I don't know. What's the difference? You're making a couple hundred thousand more than the next guy.

Toews: Will you ever play in [your hometown of] Buffalo?

Kane: I'm pretty happy here right now. The better question is will you ever play in [your hometown of] Winnipeg? They booed you when we played there.

Toews: Yeah, I got booed in my hometown. So I'm not [signing there] anytime soon. People told me I would get cheered because fans did that for some of the former Jets players, but I never played for the Jets, so I didn't know what to expect.

The Winnipeg fans, especially the ones in the top concourse ... they're crazy. So I didn't rule out the possibility that people might jump on that bandwagon and start booing me. My own buddies were probably the ones getting the boos going.

Kane: Winnipeg was a cool place to play. We heard going in that fans there like to boo the other team's top players, so a few times when I had the puck I held on to it a little longer to hear the boos get louder.

I used to go to games [growing up] in Buffalo. [Eric] Lindros came to town, and the whole game all the fans were all over him. He got kicked out of the game in the first period. The rest of the game wasn't even fun anymore because he wasn't playing. If anything, the booing is a compliment to that player.

Custance: An NHL team has never repeated in the salary-cap era. What makes you believe the Blackhawks can do it?

Toews: We have the same team, pretty much, except for a couple of guys. When you go to the Stanley Cup finals and you win, a lot of players step up to the occasion. Guys like Bryan Bickell, Andrew Shaw and Corey Crawford made names for themselves [in the playoffs]. Of course they're going to deserve a little bit more financially. So it's always tough -- especially in a salary-cap sport -- for managers and owners to keep their talent together when that happens.

Kane: You look at our team, and the better question would be, Why couldn't we keep winning and have good year after good year? We have a lot of guys locked up for a long time.

Like last year, we would be tough to beat in a seven-game series where a team has to go through us four times. As long as we don't get satisfied or complacent, we could have a pretty good winning atmosphere here for awhile.

Toews: Do you remember the first time we played on the same team, the Junior Flyers?

Kane: Yeah. When we were what, 13?

Toews: Glory days. Your good buddy, one of the biggest loudmouths I've ever met -- was the goalie. Never stopped talking. Kaner, you were the opposite. Same way you are now ... seemingly quiet but definitely confident.

You just walked into the [dressing room] wearing your flip-flops, put your bag down and slowly put on your gear. Then you'd just go onto the ice. I was used to being the top scorer on the team. Then you came along and started beating me in points every single game. I was like, "How does this little guy go out there and do that?"

Kane: A year or two earlier we had played your Winnipeg team. We beat you guys by a couple of goals, but everyone was like, "Who's this Toews kid? We have to get him on our team." We'd try to get all the best players from the Detroit area, the Buffalo area, the Toronto area.

We started branching out and they brought you in for that tournament. Everyone was amazed. You were pretty much the same player that you are today. Two-way center, same stride. Low to the ice.

Toews: One of the questions I get a lot now is, "How do you think Kaner has matured? He just seems to be more composed a guy off the ice and it's showing in his play." I tell you, that stumps me every time.

Kane: I'll read articles about myself, and they always have to go back to what happened off the ice. The media likes to ask me, "Are you more focused this year? Are you more mature?"

That question ticks me off because what happened in the past seems like long ago. I'm not that person anymore. I'm sure there's something I've changed here and there. At the same time, I do still feel like the same person.

Toews: It's storylines. Fairy tales.

Kane: I'm not mature, though. [Laughs.]

#chicago blackhawks #patrick kane #jonathan toews #tazer #kaner #1988 #tazer and kaner

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amorremanet · 7 years

Note

omg u've watched rick & morty!! what are ur thoughts?

Well, with the caveat that I literally just watched all of it for the first time yesterday (barring a handful of episodes that I’d seen pieces of because they happened to play when my Dad fell asleep in front of the TV with Adult Swim on), and with fair warning that most of this is a lot of me being a pretentious nerd about philosophy?

I love Rick. I expected to either not love Rick, or to love him but in the detached, intellectual kind of way where it’s like, “I appreciate you as a character but any attachment to you is more of a morbid fascination with you and wondering what you’re going to do next” — but yeah, no. That didn’t last. It did take a while to get there (I mean, I could feel it happen, but I didn’t have to give up and accept it until the end of the Unity episode, with Rick’s onscreen bungled suicide attempt)

I hate myself for being so goddamn predictable and for having such a Type

But I’m so weak for both well-executed fictional douchebags and more so for the whole, “this person is a genius or somehow special, and it is actually a very miserable, lonely existence because one of the things that people tend not to understand about being deemed, ‘special’ in any capacity? is how much it sets you apart from all the people around you and fucks up your ability to connect with anyone without factoring in other shit like, for example, depression, [C]PTSD, substance abuse and/or addiction, and/or being on the spectrum (which can then fuck it up for you even more on top of being “special,” both in its own right and in terms of how it makes other people react to you)

“—and see, despite what a lot of people like Rick and Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore [and sometimes me] try to say, it is actually horrible to have your ability to connect with other people compromised like that. Like, there is a wealth of evidence from several disciplines — psychology, biology and medicine, sociology, history, the list goes on — that shows how it is completely terrible for people not to be able to connect with others. It’s isolating, it’s lonely, and it will fuck you straight to Hell, psychologically speaking but WUBBALUBBADUBDUB, NO WORRIES FOR THE GENIUS, AM I RIGHT” trope

I also really love Summer, Beth, and Morty. For different reasons all around — and if I had to pick a favorite out of them, I’d probably pick Summer, though I will say that it’s really close between her and Morty — but I love them, they’re all a lot of fun to watch

Show needs more ladies. I could pretend that I’m saying this out of a sociopolitical conviction that having more gender diversity among the major recurring characters would be a good thing, but I’m totally not. I am 500% saying this because holy fucking shit, I want to have some goddamn femslash with Summer in it, but one of the only f/f ships available is Summer/Tammy

—which isn’t to say that I’m not open to Summer/Tammy, since it would actually fit pretty nicely into a trope that I love

Namely, the, “everything looks all chill and pleasant and domestic and happy, but it is, in fact, actually pretty deeply fucked up” trope (which was what I loved about, for example, the relationship that NBC!Hannibal painted between Hannibal and Jack Crawford for the early part of season two, though… pretty big difference in scale and emphases between these two ships)

—I’m just saying that I’d like a little bit of variety here, too, you know?

Jerry is the only main character that I’m just kind of, “meh, whatever” about, and I’m not holding my breath that the Beth/Jerry divorce will actually stick? But I personally wouldn’t mind if it did, because I don’t hate Jerry? But the nicest thing that I can say about him is either, “Well, he has a fair point sometimes, I guess. Statistically, it has to happen” or, “Well, I don’t hate him.”

To be fair? I wouldn’t say Jerry’s presence holds the show back — which I would say about some characters that I actually like, albeit from different things (like how I think The Joker needs to go on another ten-year hiatus like he did back in the mid-20th century because…… okay, he’s Batman’s most iconic villain, but atm, the world is sort of in a Joker hangover and he is actively holding back Batman, and by extension most of DC in all of its current media incarnations, because Batman is, duh doi, their biggest and bestselling property)

—and I think that Jerry definitely brings something to the show that helps enhance it, sometimes (e.g., I like how they use him as a foil to the rest of his family at different turns, like how he’s the bumbling loser sitcom dad who is super not-chill with most of the shit that’s out there in the bigger universe unless it’s nice to him like Sleepy Gary or the scammer aliens’ simulation thing, and who could be totally happy spending the rest of his life at Jerryboree vs. Rick, who is…… well. Rick;

or Jerry, the naïve egocentric loser whose view of what’s good or bad in any situation always comes back to himself and his family [but that is seriously a secondary concern to himself] vs. Morty, the naïve egocentric loser who is actually coming into his own and getting to not be a loser, and his egocentricity is more a product of him being a teenager who’s trying to orient himself in the universe than any deliberate lack of concern for other beings [like you see in both Jerry and Rick, though Rick is at least upfront about it], and who at least tries to do right by other beings, even sacrificing his own desires for them, like when he would’ve rather not killed Fart but did it to prevent Fart and its species from annihilating all “lesser” lifeforms)

I wouldn’t even say that Jerry is holding Beth back, which I felt like I was going to end up thinking when I went into this, since I had seen enough to know that Jerry is a bumbling sitcom dad (and bumbling sitcom dads usually hold back their spouses to some extent, and sometimes hold back everyone around them, too), and I’ve found some of their B-plots to be both interesting and pretty neat character pieces for Beth (like their B-plot with the deer in “A Rickle in Time” and looking at themselves across alternate dimensions, like in “Rixty Minutes”)

……I just don’t particularly care about Jerry as himself, so if he and Beth actually stay divorced and it maybe limits the amount of overall Jerry-time on the show, I don’t think I’d mind

I’m cautiously hopeful about the promise of Summer getting to go on more adventures and Beth maybe coming on any adventures at all, from Rick’s rant at Morty at the end of the Mulan McNuggets dipping sauce episode — especially for the Summer part.

One thing I enjoyed seeing with the progression of Summer’s character is how she embodies the whole, “teenager trying to figure themself out” thing, and how she’s trying to decide who she wants to be and where she wants to fit into the universe.

Originally, it was just the world — which we see really well in her relationship with Mr. Needful in “Something Ricked This Way Comes” — but now that she’s seen more of the multiverse out there, she’s trying to figure out where she can feel most at home there (it has to come down to how she feels about it, if the, “Nobody belongs anywhere” idea from “Rixty Minutes” still holds true)

—and I love watching that idea develop and play out in her relationships with Rick and Morty, and how those relationships are changed and tested by their adventures together and what Summer sees and experiences out there (like, learning that freedom means that people have the right to do things that suck, when she tried to free the planet from Unity, and actually coming to think that her grandpa is the bad influence on Unity), and I really love exploring the parallels and points of difference between her and Rick

oh my god, that is how you do an absurdist tv series RIGHT. seriously, most shows that try to go to the absurdist place are just pointlessly loud and asinine with no rhyme or reason to anything, and they think that this is the same thing as making the point that ~there is no inherent meaning~ when actually, they are making the point that they’re fucking obnoxious and don’t know how to tell a joke and try to cover it up in pretentious crap

(—for the record, I’m thinking of shit like Tim and Eric when I say this. It’d be really easy to bag on Family Guy, but the thing is that Family Guy doesn’t actually pretend to be making any philosophical kind of point about anything.

There isn’t any annoying, pretentious crap going on in Family Guy like there used to be in all of the Tim and Eric shows. I mean, there’s a LOT of crap, but it’s pandering, populist crap that has no creative integrity and is openly just concerned with grossing people out and getting away with as much as they possibly can, surviving on sheer popularity factor.

Shows like the Tim and Eric family wanted to pretend that they were deep and intellectual, when actually, they were just BAD and acted like they were bad on purpose like they were a bunch of baby Dadaists.

I would say, “all due respect,” but I have no respect for them)

like, I’m not going to say that Rick and Morty is a perfect series by any means, or that there aren’t things I wouldn’t have done differently — though, I had plenty of criticisms for Community and Dan Harmon has a much sweeter life than I do, so I think he can handle me having criticisms here (and I know nothing about his co-creator) — but

A big reason why I went, “Okay, fuck it” and just watched the series was that it combines a lot of things that I know I enjoy (sci-fi, magical realism, cosmic horror, dysfunctional family tragicomedy/dramedy/whatever, etc.), and I kept hearing and reading about the philosophical themes going on in the show and how they were both more overt than in most series but also handled with more finesse than a lot of other pieces of media where the philosophical ideas are just right out in the open

I’m very pointedly casting a judgmental sideways glance at you, Christopher Nolan.

I’m doing this because on one hand, I am really tired of how you handle all your big-budget attempts at having in-depth philosophical discussions in cinematic form with the grace, tact, and finesse of a huge steamroller, and how you don’t just shove the audience’s faces into all of your themes like Jerry shoving Snowball’s face into his own urine, but you then try to actively tell the audience at your movies what we’re supposed to think, rather than using your power as an ~auteur~ to start a conversation and trusting the audience to think for themselves

—like, my problems with JK Rowling have their own damn tag on my blog, but for fuck’s sakes, at least she knows how to start a conversation, rather than being a didactic pain in the ass with an over-inflated opinion of herself and her own creativity, Christopher fucking Nolan

(…which is pretty laughable, given how much he’s ripped off from other artists. Not built on or remixed or played with in his own way, but just straight-up ripped off)—

and on the other hand, I’m picking on him right now because Rick and Morty also picks on him not-irregularly, which makes me more inclined to do so, because that’s just a part of Rick and Morty’s text

Anyway, as I was saying.

In particular, I saw a lot about how the show plays with the tension between existentialism and absurdism — and I am going to super over-simplify both of these schools of thought right now, and how the show approaches them, but in general

Existentialism and Absurdism have a lot of things in common, and one of them is the idea that life is inherently meaningless and the universe is a cold place that can’t even accurately be called, “cruel” because that would imply that the universe gives a shit about individual lives, which it doesn’t

Where they most differ from each other is in how each school of thought deals with the ensuing question of, “okay, so what do we do about the fact that we live in this meaningless world in a meaningless universe where our lives and existences have no intrinsic value or meaning”

Existentialism can come in a variety of flavors, from the hella Christian existentialism of Søren Kierkegaard and Russian Orthodox proto-existentialism of Fyodor Dostoyevsky, to the massively misunderstood models of Friedrich “actually, he was AGAINST antisemitism and supremacist bullshit, and he would think most of the people who quote him in their justifications for being nihilistic douchebags are *jean ralphio voice* THE WOOOOOORST” Nietzsche and Jean-Paul “yes, Hell is other people, but not in the way that you probably think this quote is saying” Sartre

—but they all generally agree that, in the end? The universe may be devoid of inherent meaning, but human beings create meaning in all kinds of weird little ways, and the meaning that we create has value because it matters to us, and because we can build and do things inspired by that meaning which affect other people and the course of history and so on (and possibly to Jesus, if your name is Kierkegaard, though to be fair, I’m way oversimplifying him right now, more than I’m oversimplifying all the other shit in this discussion)

Basically, a good way to think of Existentialism’s (INCREDIBLY OVERSIMPLIFIED) approach to these questions is to think of the Nietzsche that you can find when you actually read any shit by Nietzsche. Like, when you actually read him, he isn’t saying that God is dead and life is meaningless so let’s everybody just be assholes to each other and the biggest douchebag on the proverbial playground gets to be the Übermensch.

He’s more saying that life is inherently meaningless until human beings go inventing meaning, but because we can invent that meaning through various systems, like friendships and family and civilizations, the inherent, fundamental meaninglessness of life, the universe, and everything is not a valid justification for being an asshole to people

Absurdism, on the other hand, does have a few different flavors and it’s associated with a few different creative movements in history, even though it wasn’t actually directly related to all of them — but its biggest luminaries are Albert “the stranger, the plague, the myth of sisyphus” Camus and Antonin “actually, he was a surrealist, but reading The Theatre and Its Double, it’s hard to tell that he wasn’t an absurdist, and it can start feeling a bit like the often arbitrary distinctions made between goth and emo, or between different flavors of goth or emo” Artaud

If you view philosophical schools as being on a spectrum (and you really probably shouldn’t, because it’s more complicated than that, but for the sake of the visual metaphor, let’s pretend it isn’t), then Absurdism is closer to Nihilism than most of the other schools that can get lumped under the big Existentialist umbrella (which both Absurdism and Nihilism can be and have been, depending on who you ask about the definitions all going on here)

Absurdism’s answer to the question of meaning or lack thereof is basically to flip the middle finger and blow a raspberry, because to the Absurdist view, there either is no inherent and guiding meaning to anything in the universe, or if it exists, then it’s so wildly incomprehensible to humans that its existence will not matter to us because we will never be able to understand it so everything will, effectively, still be meaningless to us — but where the Existentialists latch onto the idea of creating our own meanings by doing human stuff and attaching significance to it, whether fairly or not, for better and for worse, “Life wouldn’t be perfect without you, Unity, but it would be life”?

………Yeah, Absurdists instead go, “Fuck that noise. Trying to create meaning in the universe is an understandable refuge, as it can be terrifying to grapple with the fundamental complete lack of meaning — but it’s still ultimately cowardly, and the best way to exist in the universe is to acknowledge that your life has no meaning and the universe is hostile and the entire world has no point to any of this, and to continue living and thriving and leading a good life because fuck the universe, THAT’S why”

The Myth of Sisyphus is regarded as the foundational text of Absurdism by a lot of people, because it’s the essay in which Camus…… basically says everything that I just said but longer and with more argument, examples, etc.

In it, he also acknowledges the fundamental paradox at the heart of his philosophy, namely that accepting the meaninglessness of the universe and of human life is still aligning oneself with a system that ascribes meaning to all the fundamentally non-meaningful happenstance that’s all part and parcel of existing in the universe

His response to said paradox is, essentially, “Fuck it. No one else has any better ideas and anyone who refuses to lead an unexamined life [i.e., a life where they live only in a protective bubble of confirmation bias, ignoring as many of the things that they don’t like or find challenging as they possibly can; or in so many words, to be a Jerry, but also to be a Rick or a Summer in different ways]? Yeah, they will have their ideas, their ideals, their thoughts, their feelings, their beliefs, their values, and their philosophies constantly tested or called into question by literally any and all of the people, places, events, and things that they might ever encounter and engage with

“—so, really, the fact that I’m aligning myself with this rejection of meaning — which is itself a way of creating meaning in a meaningless universe — only means that I’m human and have to constantly question myself about that inherent meaningless thing or else I’m going to fall into the same cowardly cop-out that Dostoevsky did when he had Ivan Karamazov find God”

(……which. ……that’s. ……okay, Albert is missing some pretty big deal pieces of context in his reading of The Brothers Karamazov, and it’s fair to point out that good ol’ Fyodor didn’t actually think of himself as an existentialist because the term wasn’t in his vocabulary — but I do still respect that Camus went, “Yep, my philosophy here does have these internal contradictions and paradoxes” since?

Well. I mean, he’s right in saying that literally every human system of thought has internal contradictions and internal paradoxes and questions where it will get snagged and be forced to choose between its bedrock ideas and most treasured values — the debate of freedom vs. security is one of the most constant refrains of this throughout most of human history — but……?

Hey. At least he admits it and tries to deal with it, as opposed to people who act like their philosophies are totally unimpeachable and without question or paradox or anything that might be intellectually, ethically, spiritually, morally, emotionally, psychologically, etc. difficult for folks)

Regardless of the different conclusions, though? Absurdism and Existentialism both agree about the whole, “the universe is cold and can be harsh and it doesn’t give a fuck about humans or our lives, so what do we do now” thing — which comes up a lot in Rick and Morty, so we’re gonna unpack it a bit more

Like, given the massive difference in scale between THE LITERAL ENTIRE UNIVERSE and individual lives, which are but tiny specks of dust relative to the THE LITERAL ENTIRE UNIVERSE…… uh, can you really blame it for not caring?

I mean, for one thing, we’re assuming that universe itself is sentient (which?? it might be? it might NOT be? who the fuck knows? well, certainly not me, but I’d be super-interested if anybody else has any insights here) and that it cares about literally anything

—which……… again? If the universe itself is for reals sentient, then might care about anything or it might not, there’s no way to know for sure

But if the hypothetically sentient universe does care about things, then we still can’t really blame it for not caring about individual organisms with our individual lives, because there are hundreds of billions of us out there — like, fuck, there are almost 7.5 billion individual human lives just on Earth, and that is just the humans, it’s saying nothing of the other beings here who have different degrees of sentience, let alone all of the other lives that may or may not exist on other planets, in other galaxies, etc.

If the hypothetically sentient universe cares about things, then it probably cares more about particularly big black holes or solar flares (or for the more comic approach: it cares about whether the other sentient universes at sentient universe high school are gonna make fun of it for being the last one to get a pair of Univernikebok sneakers, or if the sentient universe it most has its proverbial eye on will go with it to the sentient universe prom)

Point being: the hypothetically sentient universe, if it really cares about anything, will most likely only care about things on its own scale and not on ours

Like, yeah, it sucks for us a lot of the time, because as the master, Douglas Adams, observed in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, having a sense of proportion can be actively detrimental to the psychological and emotional well-being of individual organisms, and being exposed to just how insignificant we are in the grand totality of all the things ever?

………Yeah, that can be a fate worse than death for us (unless we’re Zaphod Beeblebrox and can come out of the Total Perspective Vortex still thinking that we might as well be the center of the universe)

In a pretty fundamental way, most individual organisms are incapable of handling the idea that we are not actually that important. We can handle the idea that we’re not the literal center of the universe, but if you tell someone that they aren’t important in the grand scheme of things, it will not go well

On one hand, this is part of why you have sci-fi stories in which, for example, The Doctor goes, “Oh wow, in all my adventures, I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before” or Dr. Manhattan realizes that individual human lives are actually more miraculous than air turning into gold because, as small as we are and as quotidian as our existences are (especially relative to a being who exists so far outside of our ability to comprehend things that he has essentially become a god), it is statistically more likely for oxygen to turn into gold than for each exact human being on Terra to exist in the exact way that they do

(—which is, y’know, part of the underlying theory that makes Rick and Morty’s mega-multiverse thing plausible. Because there really might be INFINITE alternate realities and timelines out there.)

(……and now I’m thinking about how Rick would most likely school Abed on how Jeff didn’t actually create seven alternate timelines when he tried to roll a d6 to see who would go get the pizza; there are, in fact, infinite timelines that could’ve resulted from that because there are all kinds of other factors at play, here

Like maybe Jeff rolled the d6 off the table and it somehow triggered Abed’s rolling boulder Indiana Jones model and then Pierce slipped on said model-boulder and broke his neck

Or maybe Jeff rolled the d6 in such a way that it landed down Annie’s shirt and she broke up with the Study Group because she was tired of everyone but Shirley constantly being up in her tits like that, even though it was legitimately an accident this time — not that anybody would necessarily believe Jeff Winger about that because he has a precedent here

Or maybe Jeff rolled the d6 in such a way that it landed down Annie’s shirt, but instead of her breaking up with the Study Group, the Study Group split into everyone who took Annie and whoever took her side (Troy, Abed, Britta, and Pierce) vs. Jeff and Shirley (because Shirley is one of the characters who I can most easily see defending Jeff over this legitimate accident, even possibly in timelines where it wasn’t an accident and Jeff totally meant for the d6 to go down Annie’s shirt)

Or maybe that thing I just said, except instead of it being a mostly realistic community college nonsense hijinks adventure, Jeff and Shirley band together to come back stronger and end up taking over the world as Queen Shirley and her loyal consort/legal adviser/“guy who pays her bodyguards because she has seen Jeffrey fight and knows that he cannot keep her safe in the way that she deserves”

Or maybe Jeff rolled the d6 and it turned air and certain miscellaneous objects into gold in La Casa Chez Trobed and the Study Group got filthy rich by selling all the gold but it drove a huge wedge between them because some of the things that turned into gold were like, Abed’s Batman costume or Britta’s lighter

Or maybe, or maybe, or maybe, or maybe, LITERAL INFINITE POSSIBILITIES, NOT JUST THE SEVEN OFFICIALLY CANONICAL TIMELINES WE SAW IN THAT EPISODE [—though that just raises once more the question of whether those timelines should really be considered official canon, because aside from the Darkest Timeline, they were all Abed’s imagined take on how things would be different if certain members of the Study Group were gone and reflections of how the group’s balance works]

But that’s beside the point)

On another hand, people’s inability to really deal with the idea that we might be insignificant is part of why, “you are important and you are valid” posts are so popular on tumblr dot hell. Like, there are a LOT of other factors in play there, too — especially because those posts are so often made for people who belong to oppressed and/or marginalized communities — but the underlying logic of those posts is to counteract human-created hierarchical systems (like those found in neoliberal capitalism) that prioritize certain kinds of people while dismissing others as, “invalid,” “wrong,” or, “unimportant and disposable”

Those posts try to counteract those hierarchies and promote a sense of mental and emotional well-being — or foster a sense of belonging, or several other vaguely similar options — by going, “no, all of that shit you’ve heard about how you’re unimportant due to how you are a member of this group, or how you engage in these unfairly maligned and harmless behaviors (like black girls wearing their natural hair)? it’s wrong. you are totally important and your choices are valid and you matter”

Which can totally be an encouraging message to hear and I’m not trying to disparage or criticize these posts at all (I could criticize them for other reasons, but that’s an entirely different post and for now, I’d rather not)

But when you put those posts into a conversation with literally cosmic-level shit — and, in the case of Rick and Morty, literally multi-cosmic-level shit, since we have a canonical mega-multiverse to consider in this show — they come off as pretty egocentric and anthropocentric (i.e., egocentric but focused on all of us people instead of looking at us in the context of the rest of the universe), because of the difference in scale

Those kinds of positivity posts can work (even if they don’t always work) because they’re operating on the human scale. They’re sort of stuck between the microcosmic and macrocosmic scales — which… is unfortunately pretty tricky terminology right now, due to the involvement of literal cosmoses in the Rick and Morty conversation?

But I’m using the terms that are related to the idea of microcosms (i.e., the smaller-scale ways that ideas and systems play out, such as in individual lives or small-group scenarios that can reflect the whole) and macrocosms (i.e., the larger-scale discussions here, like entire countries vs. life in one particular province, or life on Earth vs. life in Canada, or life in the Milky Way vs. life on Earth)

—so, what I’m trying to say is that those kinds of, “you are valid and important” positivity posts try to work on both the smaller, individual or small-group level (by talking to the members of certain specific groups but doing so in a way that also addresses the individual reader who sees a post while browsing tumblr), and the bigger, broader group level (due to how they tacitly address larger systemic issues of sociopolitical inequality, oppression, marginalization, and so on)

And their preferred mechanism of doing so is trying to reaffirm and emotionally support people who are taught by the different aspects of socialization, indoctrination, and social conditioning of neoliberal capitalism that they don’t matter — which is, what a shock (not really), psychologically damaging to hear and see, day in and day out, especially when it gets to be so blatantly fucking arbitrary as the divisions of society and social groups promoted by neoliberal capitalism

—none of which is actually of interest to Rick and Morty, at least not a big deal, pressing interest.

There is actually probably a lot of really cool meta to be milked out of how Rick and Morty engages with these kinds of immediately sociopolitical discussions and economic politics (e.g., the Meeseeks; Mr. Needful; “Look Who’s Purging Now”; how Rick-Prime and the Council of Ricks deal with each other; all of the, “Rick, Birdperson, and Squanchy are deemed terrorists for fighting the Galactic Federation, and lbr here, the Galactic Federation do seem like a bunch of dicks, even if it isn’t so cut-and-dry as that” backstory; Unity and its entire episode, full stop)

But for the most part, a lot of the philosophical noodling in Rick and Morty is concerned not with political philosophy, social philosophy, economic philosophy, etc., but with the metaphysical questions like, “why are we here,” “what are we,” “what does this all mean”

—and it works on an even bigger cosmic horror scale than Howard Phillips “racist grandpa of popular cosmic horror, Cthulhu mythos except he wanted to name it something different because he kind of though Cthulhu was a loser, blah blah fuckeddy blah blah blah, tentacle shit” Lovecraft

Like, the horror that Lovecraft intended to build into the Cthulhu mythos wasn’t the questionable writing or all of the racism (—I mean, he put that there pretty intentionally, but he didn’t mean for it to be horrific, even though he was so racist that other 1920’s racists were like, “Dude, that’s not cool”).

The horror that he intended to be there was the entire existence of the Great Old Ones and the Elder Gods, who would characterize the greater universe as a place that is fundamentally hostile to us because it doesn’t give a shit about humans or Earth

—note that the GOO’s and EG’s didn’t really become evil ‘til August Derleth decided to fuck up everything by adding a Christian sense of morality, which is and will almost always be fundamentally anthropocentric, since Christianity rests on the premise that there is a being out there — let’s split the difference and call it Elohim — and it exists on the same unfathomably, overwhelmingly powerful level as all the weirdos like Cthulhu, Yog-Sothoth, Nyarlathotep, Hastur, et al.… and it is actively concerned with the fate of humanity

—maybe it’s not actively concerned with the smaller, day-to-day minutiae of our lives, though that varies depending on which Christians you ask… but Elohim is still out there and actively concerned with us, and that’s why it actively intervened in human history and why it sacrificed its only begotten child — who was part of Elohim itself — for our benefit. Because, you know, all-powerful beings giving that much of a shit about humans doesn’t sound like a theory that is overly focused on humans

……except that it does, which is my point, here.

Lovecraft was working with the idea that humans are inherently NOT important and that the universe does not give a shit about us. It looks hostile and even evil to US because the GOO’s and EG’s do things that kill us and because they have the power to destroy our planet and end all life on it (and some of them may want to do that, though usually not out of active malice so much as, “that’s just their nature, it’s what they do and we are literally powerless to fully stop it. Postpone it? Eh, maybe we can do that. But we lack the ability to completely prevent it”).

For him, the big wide universe is horrifying because we don’t matter and no amount of, “you’re a star! you’re valid!! your choices matter and should be respected unless you do something that i don’t like personally uwu!!! you are important and loved and magical i don’t make the rules stay hydrated!!!!” style tumblr positivity posts will change that.

Also, there are tentacles everywhere and these gibbering fleshbags that consume everything in their paths and “humanoid abominations” that are described in really not-subtly racialized terms and who are the result of fish-people males (who are described in even less subtly racialized terms) breeding with (white) human women, because oh yeah, did we mention that he was a huge fucking racist

(I’m not kidding. Go read “The Shadow Over Innsmouth” and try to tell me that he didn’t use specifically anti-black language and tropes to describe and characterize The Deep Ones and the Deep One/Human hybrid people)

(And if you want to read something of his that isn’t horribly racist, try “Pickman’s Model” — it has nothing to do with the Cthulhu mythos and the big reveal is probably one that you can see coming, but it’s one of his better stories overall, in addition to not being a huge screed against interracial marriage that’s gotten dressed up as a horror novella for Halloween)

For Derleth, the universe is horrifying because these creatures are actively evil and they’re coming to get us because we exist and they are evil

(This isn’t to laud or condemn either Lovecraft or Derleth more than the other, because frankly, both of them had some interesting ideas but also several shitty ones, both of them contributed immeasurably to the development of contemporary sci-fi, horror, and Gothic fiction but have also unwittingly held it back in certain ways*, both of them also had major flaws as writers, and both of them were also huge douchebags as people, albeit usually in different ways from each other.

[*: For example? I mean, I’m sure that Howard thought he was helping advance things by being a huge racist all over everything, but I’d disagree with that, since in addition to the racism — which is already bad enough — he unwittingly spawned a bunch of fans of these genres who won’t even acknowledge that he was a racist piece of shit (much less, whenever they recycle some of his ideas without trying to challenge them or change them, that they are themselves perpetuating a variety of racism that was too racist for most other 1920’s U.S. racists), and thus help spread and exacerbate racism in geek culture and communities……

……all because Lovecraft contributed a lot to the development of the genres here, and this apparently means that we can’t also point out that he was a huge racist because of reasons or something asinine like that.

Like…… no, Brad, that’s not how it works. HP Lovecraft contributed immeasurably to the development of contemporary sci-fi, horror, and Gothic fiction, and he was a massive racist. The statements are NOT mutually exclusive.]

Personally, I find Lovecraft’s take on the (a)morality of the Cthulhu mythos more intriguing while I find Derleth’s version kinda boring and overly simplistic, but the current state of Cthulhu mythos fiction — and mythos-influenced fiction, that isn’t actually set in the mythos specifically like Rick and Morty — wouldn’t be what it is without both of them, so they’re both historically important for the genre, and both of them also suck.

It’s like Rick mathematically proving that Morty and Summer are both pieces of shit, except that there is actual clear evidence — as opposed to Rick using math to make his feelings seem objective when they fundamentally aren’t — that Lovecraft and Derleth were both huge pieces of shit. Historically significant pieces of shit, sure — at least, they are if you’re into sci-fi, horror, and/or Gothic fiction — but they’re both huge pieces of shit)

—Which all goes back to the kind of level that Rick and Morty is working on when it approaches its metaphysical questions, because it’s working on a mega-multiversal super-cosmic scale that makes HP Lovecraft’s view of the entire universe look like it’s working on a microcosmic scale

Let’s break that down as simply as possible, so we’re all on the same page

Rick and Morty is an animated series on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim block that initially seems like it’s a mix of wacky sci-fi adventures, wacky dysfunctional family hijinks like a traditional dysfunctional family sitcom, and jokes about sex, farts, genitalia, and violence

It not only approaches serious metaphysical questions in the first place, but does it on a scale that makes Howard Phillips “the universe is a cold, harsh, uncaring wasteland in which human beings are fundamentally insignificant and lbr, we’re all probably gonna die in the near future and there is fuck-all that any of us can do to stop it because we are up against powers that are way bigger, stronger, and smarter than us, most of which we can’t even begin to fully comprehend and none of which really give a fuck about ANY of us” Lovecraft

—Like, HP Lovecraft, the guy who’s talking about how the universe is so huge and unforgiving that we can’t even really fathom how huge and unforgiving it is, like there is more huge, unforgivingness than your body has room for

—yeah, the super-cosmic scale of Rick and Morty makes it look like HP Lovecraft is complaining about how Suzy didn’t ask him to the Sadie Hawkins dance and she’s going with Janey instead and how dare she enrage his sense of white male entitlement by being a lesbian GAWD while Earthlings are making first contact with Vulcans, or there’s some looming Armageddon that will destroy the entire Milky Way, or something

The super-cosmic scale of Rick and Morty makes HP Lovecraft’s macrocosmic, universal scale look like kid stuff

—Which all goes back to the tension between Existentialism and Absurdism because not only does Rick and Morty make HP Lovecraft look like kid stuff in terms of sheer scale, it also makes him look like kid stuff in terms of how it approaches the same metaphysical questions that he was answering in how he built up the Cthulhu mythos

(……I mean, we may not like any of his answers, because he pretty much answers, “No” to any metaphysical questions we could come up with, even when he actually isn’t faced with a yes or no question? But he does provide answers to them, and those answers generally have big, nasty tentacles and they want to eat you and might also make your brain start leaking out your ears because you are just that fundamentally incapable of understanding shit about shit about even a fraction of their existences, much less the totality of them)

(HP Lovecraft sometimes makes Tara “My Immortal” Gillesbie look like she has chill, and frankly, comparing the two of them is an insult to Tara, because…… okay, sure, HP Lovecraft could spell, had a bigger vocabulary, and he influenced several major genres of fiction so much and so deeply that you’d need a series of monographs to get all of it documented…… but Tara wasn’t, afaik, an enormous racist douchebag who was such an edgelord that Kylo Ren would have told her to take some deep breaths and calm down and try to find her center

HP Lovecraft was exactly that kind of edgelord and to that same extent. So…… I’m just saying.)

Anyway, Rick and Morty makes HP Lovecraft look like kid stuff in its approach to the questions of existence and meaning and the horror of living in our fucked up universe (or literally any of the multiple infinite fucked up universes out there), because in all the places where HP Lovecraft would just start screaming at you about how everything is terrible forever and it’s all so scary and your mind can’t fucking take it?

Rick and Morty throws up both middle fingers and goes, “FUCK YOU, WUBBALUBBADUBDUB, WHOOOOO, LMAO COSMIC HORROR CAN’T FUCKING TOUCH ME, IT WISHES IT COULD FUCKING TOUCH ME, WUBBALUBBADUBDUB!!!”

To paraphrase one of the Wisecrack channel’s, “Philosophy of Rick and Morty” vids on Youtube: the show doesn’t ask viewers to be terrified of our own insignificance or the cosmic horrors out there that can and probably will attempt to destroy us; it asks us to laugh at them and shows how, really, they’re just as banal and silly as humans are (……most of the time)

The tension between Absurdism and Existentialism (and every so often, also Nihilism), as it plays out on Rick and Morty, is… kind of a lot

But it most often comes out in how the different characters all respond to grappling with their own existences, and the threats that arise against them, and, whether they:

want to die (like the Meeseeks and Rick)

or destroy shit but mostly Rick or whoever their creator is (like Abradolph Lincler, and Morty Jr. until…)

or try to channel their potentially not-good impulses into more constructive things

(like Morty Jr. when he decides to become a writer instead of destroying people — which is one of the single funniest moments in the series for me, personally, because… I’ve been saying since I was about twelve that being, “a creative of some kind!!” is one of the best ways to avoid giving in to any intrusive thoughts and not-good impulses that you’d rather not let rule you, and it was just like, “YEAH THAT’S RIGHT”

—or like Unity trying to help the people and planets whom it assimilates, and even leaving the people’s individual consciousnesses more or less intact and trying to better their lives by removing the shit like… y’know, race wars and pedophilia)

or try to impose some semblance of order on things to various effects

(like: the Galactic Federation,

the Council of Ricks,

the Evil Rick who was being controlled by the Evil Morty,

Beth in her own way,

Mr. Needful — since his whole shop is about him cursing people to be punished for their “sins” in a very direct and poetic justice-laden way that upholds the idea that bad shit should happen to certain people for certain reasons that follow a logical and easily comprehensible order,

Rick when he insists on the supremacy of science above all else in the universe despite any evidence that might be a challenge to his beliefs in the meaninglessness of it all and how it can be boiled down to chemical reactions or physics principles or whatever else is on his mind at any given moment [including non-scientific but still systematic logical shit like going, “Well, [Beth]’s MY daughter, Summer; I outrank you. Or, family means nothing, in which case, don’t play that card”],

the female Gazorpazorpians,

Principle Vagina when he goes, “all the old religions are dead” and creates the Headism cult based on the cum hoc ergo propter hoc and post hoc ergo propter hoc logical fallacies [which I don’t feel like explaining myself right now because this is already too long, so here’s a link to the Wisecrack video on “Get Schwifty,” where 8-Bit Jared specifically talks about those exact logical fallacies in the episode],

Morty whenever he tries to be a more conventional do-gooder,

Summer when she falls into Headism or tries to fit other people’s ideas of who she should be if she wants to be popular,

the Meeseeks, who only want to kill Jerry so that they can die because they are created for a specific purpose and can’t fulfill it (thanks, Jerry!!) and don’t know how to cope with what we understand as a full existence in the universe (y’know, one that exists outside of one specific purpose),

and oh this list never ends, it goes on and on and on and on)

or try to hide from everything (like Beth and Rick when they drink, even though Rick acts like he isn’t hiding from shit — which we know is a lie, thanks to Birdperson and how he clarified that, “wubbalubbadubdub” means, “I am in great pain, please help me” — and far more visibly, like Jerry, who would rather live in Jerryboree or the scammer aliens’ 5% processing power simulation than in his actual life)

or any other multiple options that come up throughout the series

—and in the different ways that the show either embraces or rejects any attempts at attaching meaning or significance to the adventures we see in the episodes (like, at the end of “Raising Gazorpazorp,” when Rick tries to go, “this was all pointless lol” so Summer tries to go, “don’t you think it made you think a bit about how you’re being a misogynistic turd to me,” and Rick then tries to go, “no, that’s just your feminine insecurities” — which is creating a meaning and attaching significance to shit, even though Rick literally just went, “it’s all pointless lmao”)

We see this in a BIG way with Rick throughout everything — we can’t not; in a lot of ways, he embodies the entire, “Absurdism vs. Existentialism vs. Nihilism” tension in one character — and in how he reacts to things, how he develops or doesn’t as the series goes on, how he tries to tell himself that he isn’t having any character development but he is but not always in any kind of positive way, and so on. I mean……?

My personal read on him, on an in-character and an in-universe level, is that whatever Rick’s backstory actually is and whatever his motivations actually are, he’s been out into the grand-scale universe — and that could fuck with anybody’s head, but he’s even gone beyond that, into the mega-multiverse, and seen his place(s) in everything, seen the thing(s) that the other Ricks have done*, seen all the possibilities that could’ve been for him**, and seen just how insignificant he actually is, in the grand mega-multiversal scale of everything ever

—and while Morty-Prime can look at being confronted with this shit in “Close Rick-counters” and conclude, “When I first saw all those Ricks and Mortys [at the Council of Ricks], I thought, ‘Gee, that kind of devalues our bond.’ But then I realized it just means that our relationship must be pretty special to span over all those different timelines,” Rick has seen too much to deny the randomness of existence and/or think that he can believe in something comforting like anything being so cool or so special that it spans multiple universes and timelines without the risk of having it painfully ripped away from him

So, basically, when Rick tries to reject having any semblance of meaning attached to his actions or adventures, he’s trying to do the Absurdist thing of embracing the fundamentally random and meaningless nature of the universe and of life itself, and he has seen enough to make him think that this is just how it all is — but he’s also struggling with that because he doesn’t want it to all be meaningless, and he doesn’t know what to do with the fact that it might actually be meaningless.

I mean, he’s a scientist. He’s dedicated his life to the pursuit of truth and knowledge and meaning. It might seem like cynical or even a reaffirmation of the inherent meaninglessness of life, the universe, and everything, but he wants the meaning to be there in some form — so being confronted with as much evidence as he’s seen that there isn’t any intrinsic meaning to anything that isn’t projected onto it by beings observing those phenomena? That would probably fuck him up even more than how isolated and alienated he is from other sentient beings

And he’s already pretty fucked up from that — I mean, he rarely sees his bff Birdperson, his relationships with his family (except for Jerry) are in a perpetual cycle of needing them but shoving them away since he hates that he needs them and devaluing all their relationships by trying to dismiss them based on what he needs from them or not, and connecting with other people as Tiny Rick requires him to be in intense pain while his real body is slowly dying in a stasis tube, while connecting with other people in the party in “Rixty Business” or with Unity in “Auto Erotic Assimilation” requires him to be fucked up beyond all belief on sex and drugs, and it’s still not enough to let him hide from how much pain he’s in, wubbalubbadubdub

(which gets me so hard, just. I am so weak for this trope. it hurts and I love it and I’m weak for it because I’m actual trash garbage.)

—so, like? Rick might feel like he’s certain of everything, as he tells Morty and Summer in, “A Rickle In Time,” but the reality of his situation is probably more that he overcompensates and he tries to reassure himself that he’s certain, and he might be in an immediate small-context moment…… but overall, he’s actually perpetually uncertain, because everything he dedicated his life to wound up completely undermining the sacrifices he made in pursuit of truth and knowledge (……and the Mulan-themed, plum-flavored, promotional McNugget dipping sauce)

…but acknowledging the inherent meaninglessness of it all is itself a way of ascribing meaning to the situation (*points above to our dear friend Albert and The Myth of Sisyphus*), which would probably mean, to Rick, that there is no such thing as truth or even necessarily reality (not least since he has firsthand evidence that every single thing we take for granted in our own dimension isn’t actually as stable as we think, so all of it could be completely different in another universe, so who’s to say that anything we care about is real when, as real as it is to us, it is equally not-real to a different version of ourselves from another dimension)

……which would mean that his entire pursuit of anything, ever (from knowledge to love to Mulan McNugget dipping sauce) is a pointless lie, because it could still be objectively proven that he doesn’t have these things in another dimension (I mean, the existence of Doofus Rick proves that Rick doesn’t always have knowledge or ridiculous super-intelligence, and the fact that Evil Rick was actually being controlled by Evil Morty shows us — if not Rick himself — that his belief in the stability and typical patterns of his and Morty’s relationship isn’t right, either), which would mean that he doesn’t conclusively have these things and that he doesn’t conclusively “win”

………not that any of this is a competition (it isn’t even always a matter of competition for Rick), but it all seems to go back to an idea or a feeling like something being untrue in a different universe or timeline means that its truth isn’t a fixed construct in Rick’s own universe (or whichever universe he’s calling home at any given moment, since he’s no longer in Dimension C-137) — and if something isn’t always true, then it arguably can’t be said to be objectively true

…………and if nothing is objectively true — so much so that even saying, “this thing is not objectively true” cannot possibly be an objectively true statement — then this means that Rick’s entire life has been a pointless lie and all his work means jack squat, but then that invalidates the statement that nothing is objectively true, so it’s either the case that some of Rick’s work might have meaning and his life might not be pointless, or there is no objective truth

……………but if it’s the latter that’s true and there is no actual objective truth, then Rick invalidates his own work because he’s supposed to be a scientist and on the search for a truth that doesn’t exist (and we have to start this whole cycle over again because, “nothing is objectively true” is a fundamentally self-invalidating statement)……

………………but if it’s the former statement that’s true and Rick’s work might mean something and his life isn’t actually pointless, then that raises questions like what the point of it even is (where “it” can be literally anything), how Rick can even begin to know what the point of his life and work or of literally anything is, whether or not other Ricks lives also have meaning or purpose, do any of their lives mean more than the lives of any of the other Ricks, is he truly Rickest of them all, and so on

(there are some obvious issues with this line of thinking, in addition to the same paradox that Albert got into back in The Myth of Sisyphus, and I’ll get back to one of them in just a minute)

which yes, Camus could deal with because he was capable of handling that uncertainty and perpetual state of questioning all the things, but Rick can’t deal with that ambiguity, because he isn’t a philosopher — where he’d have to get comfortable with ambiguity and not having concrete answers, because frankly, most philosophers don’t, and the ones who try to say they do are the ones who are most likely to get humiliated when faced with someone who goes, “but hey, what about this obvious and glaring flaw in your theory” — but a scientist who is supposed to be working in the realm of the concrete, even if it is really out there and science-fiction-y to us, the viewers

So, TL;DR: Rick has no capacity for dealing with ambiguity or his own fundamental, underlying uncertainty, and part of why he is in so much pain is that he wants for things to mean shit but they don’t appear to, but even saying that they definitely for sure don’t mean shit anything is, in a way, ascribing meaning to them, and so, everything in his life seems like pointless, horrific suffering for no reason, and he acts like he can wrap his head around that lack of an underlying reason and his own inability to control all the factors at play in any given scenario, but on a deep, abiding level, he actually CAN’T and he HASN’T

—and, at some point, he probably wanted to do something good or remotely moral or ethical (even if he insists that the real reason is Mulan McNugget dipping sauce), because we know that he has scruples and lines that he won’t cross (maybe not very many of them, but they do exist), but in his view, he can’t do that thing, whatever it was or possibly still is. He never can, because literally everything in the universe is forever uncertain

And in his pursuit of shit, Rick has probably been forced to deal with the possibility that wanting to control all the factors in any given situation and shape them in his image (c.f., “Something Ricked,” where he forces Mr. Needful to play by his rules just for the sake of going, “neener neener neener, I’m better than you, suck it”; and the fact that he loses his shit over the beings in his microverse car battery creating their own miniverse, and doing the exact same thing as him)…… makes him not terribly unlike the Galactic Federation and the Council of Ricks, aside from issues of scale (but even that’s questionable when he can and has created literal universes full of sentient beings, whom he uses to power his fucking car/spaceship), oops

And without any internal sense of stability or anything else, Rick is stuck in this Limbo between the Absurdist mindset and the Existential mindset, and even if he weren’t, he’d have a whole fuck-ton of other problems — but this philosophical, “he stared at the abyss so long that they’re on a first-name basis and hit the clubs together on Friday nights” cosmic horror shit definitely isn’t helping

*: and despite claiming that he’s amoral and that he has no fucks to give, we see that this isn’t true when he does shit like reach back through a portal to shoot Jellybean King because of what Jellybean King did to Morty, or like when he and Summer specifically go after Neo-Nazis and bullies and animal abusers after they beat up Mr. Needful when he Zuckerbergs them, or like when he’s horrified by the fact that Evil Rick actually created a giant fortress of solitude using multiple Mortys as armor to protect himself from being found by other Ricks, or like when he’s deeply unnerved by the idea that Unity would blow up an entire city on its planet for the lulz until Unity goes, “Oh look, the people are all evacuated, and Morty and Summer weren’t there”

**: which fucked up Jerry and Beth and Summer badly enough in “Rixty Minutes,” when they got just a little taste of it, but Rick’s done this so much that he isn’t even fazed by burying a dead Rick in the backyard and taking his place, and sees the Council of Ricks as unimpressive and boring when they aren’t being a pain in his ass

—and Rick’s general attitude and demeanor are established as coming out of how he’s in great pain, so it’s plausible that his disaffection with the Council of Ricks is, in some ways or on some level, related to him being in so much pain over constantly seeing all the other possibilities, and wishing that he could just be numb to it, and lashing out because he isn’t

(…though it stands to reason that, somewhere, there are different Ricks who are genuinely numb to it)

and for all we have an entire Council of Ricks (who all kind of seem some degree of miserable, just like Rick-Prime), it stands to reason that, in the infinite universes, there are realities wherein Rick is actually happy

—and I don’t mean “happy” like Doofus Rick, who’s such a doofus that he probably would be pretty happy, if he could just hang out and chill with Jerry all the time, but Doofus Rick isn’t allowed to just have that.

Instead, he gets dragged into the Council of Ricks, where everybody treats him like crap [even Rick-Prime treats him like crap, and he completely rejects the Council of Ricks and their authority, and only sees a use for them because the fact that they’re a thing makes it possible for him to exist in opposition to them, which is crucial for his ability to deem himself the most Rickest of all possible Ricks]

—but yeah, no. I don’t mean Doofus Rick; I mean that, in the infinite multiverse, there must be some universes in which Rick is legitimately happy.

And true, one of the biggest points of the plot with Beth, Summer, and Jerry in, “Rixty Minutes”… is that it doesn’t matter what reality you look at, because the people in any reality will almost definitely spend at least some time just looking up at the sky and wondering what might’ve been if they’d done something differently

(……which, if we accept the logic of the infinite multiverse, can’t actually be constant in all universes ever, but it’s also unfathomable to most people that other people don’t necessarily wonder what might’ve been within our own single universe, much less if we are forced to confront the reality of other universes in which things are different for us)

—but, either way? Yeah, “Rixty Minutes” gives us a Rick and Morty spin on the good old, “lmao the grass is always greener on the other side” moral, but someone being truly happy isn’t mutually exclusive with wondering what could have been if you’d done something differently or if you’d only made different choices at certain points in life

I’m not really sure where the series falls on the question of whether someone’s life is:

an aggregate of all the smaller choices that they make (let’s call this the, “Spec Ops: The Line” approach to choice-making, because of how Spec Ops: The Line held the player accountable for every little choice that they make, even the ones where they don’t feel like they have a choice)

or more contingent on what bigger choices people make at crucial moments in life that are somehow more important than other choices for some reason (i.e., the idea that most contemporary fiction relies on but let’s call it the, “Colossus” approach to the question, because of that scene in Deadpool where Colossus tries to tell Mr. Pool Boy that being a hero comes down to your choices in four or five Big Deal moments, and you don’t have to brush your teeth as a hero)

or some kind of balance between the two extreme options here (and hey, let’s call it the, “Mass Effect” approach, because of how the original Mass Effect trilogy has a mix of both bigger deal “key moments” where your choices affect huge pieces of the story — like, for example, whether you have to fight Saren before fighting Sovereign, or manage to make Saren realize that he’s been Indoctrinated and then shoot himself so he can die as himself — and smaller shit that may seem like, “oh, it’s an insignificant choice on this one loyalty mission or fetch quest,” and then it comes back to bite you in the ass later)

—but wherever Rick and Morty ultimately falls, I maintain that there must be universes where Rick is genuinely happy, for better and for worse, and regardless of what shape that happiness takes? If Rick-Prime has seen it for his alternate selves at all, and possibly even seen how he can’t fit into those universes somehow, then that would do a LOT to fuck him up

Anyway, remember I said I’d get back to one of the biggest flaws in how Rick seems to approach the universe?

Yeah, well, it’s pretty simple. His flaw here is that he doesn’t understand issues of scale and seems to see some things as being mutually exclusive when they aren’t

These two flaws really are one and the same, for Rick

Because on one hand, you have scale — which, for Rick, means that he looks at day-to-day human problems and sees them as pointless because he knows what’s out there in the big deal mega-multiverse, and so he has a more accurate idea than most beings do of how insignificant one being’s individual life looks in the grand scheme of things…… but he also can’t escape these problems and is, in several ways, bound to them

He would say that he’s bound to his family because he relies on the protective shielding from being around Morty’s brain and junk, but I’m actually thinking more like how Rick is dependent on the attention and reactions he gets from other beings to feel like there is SOME kind of point to anything he does (even if the point is just, “annoying Jerry” or whatever, there is some kind of point, because he can do a thing and get a reaction), and he is at least emotionally dependent on alcohol and likely other mind-altering substances because he’s apparently in great pain more or less all the time, and he wants to get away from that

And, I mean.

On a more nonspecific, basic logic 101 level, Rick might be the closest that any of the single-minded beings Unity’s ever met has gotten to truly understanding the hive-minded perspective, but he’s still a human. He is fundamentally bound to human problems due to simply being a human.

—and, on the other hand, you have Rick’s problem of seeing shit that isn’t mutually exclusive as being mutually exclusive. Like, yes, there are obviously situations where something that is working on a bigger scale is objectively more important, due to what the stakes are — e.g., while Rick is a lying douche about blowing off Morty’s concern for the rest of the family in, “Get Schwifty,” he has a point about needing to focus on their song, because they had six hours, and they needed to damn well be ready or the entire earth was going to be disintegrated by a giant space laser

—but at the same time, there are plenty of situations where the stakes are not actually like that just because one thing works on a bigger scale than something else. In other words, Rick has the same damn problem that a lot of characters who’ve Seen Some Things Out There In The Great Wide Infinite have fallen into, where they have trouble seeing how the day-to-day shit in life on the ground even matters when compared to the rest of what’s out there in the universe

You see a more humanistic and sympathetic take on this trope with Rose Tyler and how she grows increasingly distanced from her Mum and from Mickey Smith because of everything that she sees while traveling with the Doctor, and how she doesn’t mean to say that there is no worth or meaning in working in a shop in, “Parting of the Ways” when she wants to open up the TARDIS and Jackie and Mickey want her to chill out, but when Rose compares eating chips and working in a shop to all of the life that she’s seen in the rest of the universe, she can’t just sit idle by and do nothing, knowing that life needs the Doctor and the Doctor needs her

……Clearly, Rick is not Rose Tyler and his approach to this is a lot less concerned with the value of anything (because unless it has some kind of objective value like X amount of Y money, he would probably say that it has no value whatsoever, even if he doesn’t necessarily feel that way for real)

But the same underlying principle applies, where Rick has seen a lot of shit and knows that certain problems are on a smaller scale than others. The problem is that, unlike Rose Tyler, Rick… doesn’t seem to get (at least not consistently or on any kind of reliable basis) that the smaller-scale problems can be important and meaningful without invalidating the importance of the much bigger-scale issues

Like, Rick has seen so much and he acts like he’s unfazed by a lot of what he goes through, but: 1. he DOES remember, every so often, the importance of the smaller-scale shit, because he’ll run into SOMETHING that trips over one of the few lines that he won’t cross (at least not in practice, since he thinks about all the lines he won’t cross pretty often, apparently), or kicks him in one of his genuine emotions, or something — so he clearly is not as unfazed as he wants everyone to think (see also: the true meaning of, “wubbalubbadubdub”);

and 2. HOWEVER, most of the time, he behaves dismissively toward the smaller-scale problems, and the underlying logic of WHY seems to be, “Yeah, I know this is bad, but frankly, all of it could be a lot worse, and this is pointless anyway, sooo really? Who cares?” — which is probably aimed at himself as much as everyone he ever gives this sort of attitude to

And there IS a balance here — Morty usually strikes up a pretty good balance between concern for bigger picture shit and for smaller scale shit (or at least he strikes the best balance that he can, given what he is capable of doing in most situations), and he and Summer both want to encourage Rick to find some kind of similar balance for himself

Buuuuuuut there’s a pretty fundamental failure to communicate going on in the Smith-Sanchez family here, because even after the few glimpses they’ve had into their Grandpa’s adventures, Summer and Morty don’t really know what kind of level Rick is working on here (and in fairness to them, I don’t think that Rick really gets this, either)

Philosophy, fuck yeah

Seriously, though, if you read even 35% of that, please go have a cookie or something, I didn’t even mean to go on that long

I feel like I should wrap this up now

ngl, I kinda ship Rick/Birdperson but that’s probably the closest that I have to an actual ship for this show, because Dan Harmon is mean to me and won’t give me enough options for Summer femslash

Wubbalubbadubdub

Nothing to see here

Okay, you can go, now. You’re free

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