#properly let myself live; is that it? i can't accept a future or reality for myself bcs of the scars of my past n the reality that shldve

[noxtivagus]

hmmm this uh. vent in tags doesn't pertain to anyone here though okay, it's really just a Me problem bcs i rlly appreciate you all so much but i can't help but be like this :<< (working on it though)

#🌙.vents #just thinking a bit n thought i shld write it down bcs i've always really have wondered what's rlly real n not #i'm a bit of an idealist at heart but i'm v much also a realist. i may be swimming in the deepest depths of oceans but i always know where #the shore. perhaps i am a moon and perhaps there rlly are those who love me like that but #i can't help but oft feel that ppl only like sides of me. or perhaps their images of me. idealized to their preferences n needs #to some ppl i've felt from them that i have to be like This so they'd love me. or they only care abt what they can get from me n i'm left w #receiving nothing at all. when i do receive stuff it then feels foreign. n even for those who rlly do care #it hurts bcs ^^ all that is solely my fault. for thinking this way. #i cld break out of it but maybe i don't bcs i think i don't deserve it. to inflict this pain and choose and grasp on it unto myself to #idk smth w all my burdens n regrets n mistakes. no matter what good i do; the past will never be erased. i'll live to atone but i'll never #properly let myself live; is that it? i can't accept a future or reality for myself bcs of the scars of my past n the reality that shldve #been if i wasnt so incompetent? if i was better if i was good enough if i wasnt so afraid to reach out n if i hid when i should have. if i #did all that perfectly. but i'm human n we all are n we make mistakes. i can pardon others i can understand n help them but not for me #it hurts i wish i cld do more for those that r just as deserving but don't receive it. if i'm the moon n you don't know my dark side #then they're the sun that blinds you to see. i hate this world so much #i'm stuck. when it comes to my own self n when it comes to ppl that.. idk rlly have done stuff for me i #i can't help but wonder if it's just for who they think i am n not for who i really am. maybe that cynism is due to old friendships where i #was neglected. like one friend that i feel used from. or another that broke their promises. n i've made my own mistakes too but i have thes #scars that tell me i'm not worth staying for. i'm not worth pushing or digging deeper for others to love the whole me. reciprocation is onl #one-sides; from me to others. but that's dumb too i barely do as much as i shld as i wish i cld as i want to do for others #maybe all we need to do is accept that we're all human n communicate authentically n honestly n openly. trust #but then i think of myself undeserving of it. n i shld fix that. i've been better before i rlly did have that sometime earlier this year bu #i've been falling apart once more. i shld fix this n i know i can but my helplessness regarding other aspects of my life n others burden me #not that others shld be my responsibility before my own in this stage of my life. but i need to give. more than doing things for others for #the sake of myself but More because i really just care for those in my life n i think they deserve so much more. #i wish i was better so they cld have more. fuck if i sacrifice myself i rlly wish i cld do more for others #for my parents. my twin. my friends. for the ones who have stayed despite my shortcomings. who have reached out in any way #i love them all do much n i have to be better bcs i want to love them back properly. #dilemma though bcs sometimes i do get unsure if it's even real at all. but at my heart i know most of it is. but then. hfksjfsjfs #it's not simple at all. it's v complex in fact bcs we're human n this is the real world. there's sm more i can't write. i have stuff to do😭

[conscious-love]

How do you deal with seperation, fear of change, death, dealing with sickness? Lately I feel like i'm acting like a child who is scared of everything and especially seperation. For example, I love my elderly dog so much. He is sick and going through treatment and the levels of anxiety and stress it gives me scares me because I feel like i'm being OTT and crying over things that are not just my dog at this point. Like he symblize things i'm afraid of let go. I lost a lot of weight, i can't focus on my job and it's almost like i'm grieving before I even lost him. It made me think things like "when i'll have a baby, would i be this anxious"? How will i cope"? Is life worth living if this is how much it hurts to seperate from something or someone"? Life scares me and covid made my anexities even worse...I don't like myself like this and don't feel like the adult tharlt I am.

I’m reminded of how I feel about my siblings. They’re both younger than I am, and although they’re both adults, I worry about them sometimes. When my sister went out on dates, when my brother went to a friend’s place without texting me to let me know. There have been other instances that made me so anxious I had a panic attack, and after it was over and I realized everything was okay, I started thinking some of the same things you’re thinking. “How am I going to have kids? If I’m this anxious worrying about my siblings, it’ll probably be so much worse with my own kids. Everyone talks about how when they have kids, their world shifts and they worry about their children more than themselves, and they become the most important person in their life. Am I going to be able to handle that?”

I’m sorry to hear about your dog’s health problems, I’m sure that’s a deeply distressing thing for you and your family to go through. My advice is that you let yourself feel that sadness, anger, fear, and whatever comes up. Difficult emotions like this are not the enemy — feel them deeply so they can do their job and then pass through you properly.

“How do you deal with separation, fear of change, death, dealing with sickness?”

Acceptance, and mindfulness.

When we worry, we’re living in the future — and the future does not exist. The way we cope with anything in life is by coping with it while it’s happening. Not before. Imagining scenarios is just creating unnecessary suffering. If something bad is going to happen, no amount of worrying will change it. Being cautious and planning diligently is smart — being prepared is not the same as worrying. Preparing ourselves for potential tragedy is working with the moment, and with the flow of life — it’s working with reality. It’s making the best of what we have at our disposal — it’s attending to what we can control. Worrying is a waste of energy, and not only does it not help, it can actually make things worse. When we are calm and centred, in alignment with reality — that is, in the present moment — we are alert and receptive, and adapt well to unexpected changes. Have you ever noticed that the people who are best under pressure are the ones who can remain calm? They’re more clear-headed, and so they can make better decisions. Worrying feels like it helps, but it doesn’t. And acceptance is not pessimism or nihilism; it is not prematurely admitting defeat — it is the only way to truly be prepared, because when we accept what’s happening, we flow with it, and can work with it. Worrying is working against the flow, and you will be swept away by events instead of cooperating with them.

Nothing is assured to us in life. At any moment, we can lose someone in some way or another. This is a fact of life, and to resist this is futile. It is a losing battle, and when (not if) bad things happen, they will hurt so much more, and you will have ruined the moments leading up to it with your needless worrying. Cherish the people and things you love in the moment, love them fully and do your best to love them well. Do not attach yourself to their role in your life. Expecting things to turn out okay is naive and you will get burnt by thinking this way. Don’t be lead by blind faith — have hope, but keep one foot in reality.

Heraclitus, the Greek philosopher said, “Change is the only constant in life.”

The fact that things change is the only thing we can ever be sure of. Maybe you can shift your belief system so that you find comfort in this, rather than being anxious about it. Sometimes the changes will be “bad,” but at any point, “good” things can happen too, and make us feel better about the “bad.” Worrying about something bad happening is placing faith in the unknown — so maybe you can pick a better unknown to ruminate on. The amount of faith required is about the same, it just takes some practice.

Everyone and everything dies. The more we can accept this, the fuller our life will be. This is a tough one, since survival is hard-wired into us from millions of years of evolution, but it is possible to make peace with it, at least mostly.

Everyone gets sick. All we can do is do our best to be healthy, and cope with sickness as best as we can when it arises. There is nothing more we can do, so worrying about it is pointless. We are not “God” — we have no supernatural powers — all we can ever do is do our best with what knowledge and tools we have.

“I feel like i'm acting like a child who is scared of everything and especially separation”

I suggest you drop unhelpful labels and judgements like “child.” Adults get afraid too, and there is nothing wrong with that. You are not defective or “childish” because you are afraid; fear is arguably the most universal human/animal emotion. Not being afraid would be the thing to consider “weird.”

Plus, fear is incredibly useful. It is a signal from our body — our nervous system, ancient and incredibly well-calibrated, is an exceptionally reliable compass. Listen to what it’s telling you, and reflect on it with your rational brain.

If you have separation anxiety, perhaps you have abandonment wounds. This might be worth looking into, preferably with the help of a mental health professional.

“I feel like i'm being [over-the-top] and crying over things that are not just my dog at this point”

You are not “over the top” and it’s normal that your feelings about your dog’s situation are spilling over into other parts of your life. The different aspects of your life are not separate — they’re connected and all are a part of your experience, and they communicate with one another constantly. Do your best to be aware of the ways you project your emotions onto situations that don’t warrant them, but be compassionate with yourself when you don’t manage this perfectly.

“Like he symbolizes things I’m afraid to let go of”

Good observation, I think you’re right.

“it's almost like i'm grieving before I even lost him”

Again, suffering before it’s necessary.

“Is life worth living if this is how much it hurts to seperate from something or someone?”

My opinion is that yes — life is worth living, despite deep suffering, despite uncertainty, despite loss, despite heartbreak, and despite tragedy. And honestly, I’m reluctant to use the word “despite,” because I think these things make life more worth living. How would we know love without heartbreak and loss? How would we know joy and happiness without sorrow? When my heart is cracked wide open, I feel more alive than almost any other time. Pain has a way of pulling us into the present moment if we let it — if we don’t fight it and get caught up in a narrative.

The pain we feel when we lose someone — that absence, that emptiness, that deep sorrow and agony, that powerful anger — that is the love which is still alive within us, displaced and looking for our lost loved one. When we hurt deeply, it’s because we love deeply, it’s because what we lost mattered to us — and that is the love we have for them, still alive within us. We carry them in our hearts and minds, and their life continues on through us.

Additionally.. Pain, when properly handled (that is, when it is befriended — worked with and not against) is our greatest catalyst for growth. Aside from the limitless love within you, pain is the most immediate, potent, and effective teacher you have. Pain will wake you from naivety and ignorance — that is painful in the short-term, but it’s a blessing in disguise.

“Life scares me and covid made my anxieties even worse”

Life will always scare you, but you can be more realistic, logical and selective about what you’re afraid of — and less things will scare you, making life feel more manageable, which creates more room for spontaneity and joy.

“I don't like myself like this”

Good. These are the first and second steps toward change: awareness, and the thought that something needs to change. Dive into this. Figure out exactly what it is that you want to change (ie. what thought patterns to re-wire), and create a plan to achieve it. I suggest seeing a therapist, as this is the best and easiest way. If you don’t have access to mental health services, read books and all the free online resources you can get your hands (eyes) on. You can love yourself and still be aware of certain things you don’t like. Self-compassion is self-kindness, patience and acceptance, but without personal responsibility and discipline, our self-compassion is incomplete.

I hope you’re able to make the changes you’re looking for. You seem to have a fairly well-developed self-awareness, so I think you’ve got a very good chance. All the best to you, take care. 💙

~ Bella ✨

#ask bella love #long post #as always 😏 #death mention #covid mention #death #loss #change #fear #fear of change #grieving #emotions #ego identification #mindfulness #acceptance #resistance

[undefined5posts]

Credit: Jordan J. Lloyd

I've been trying to dive deeper into politics, discover the genuine roots of our society, the origins of our beliefs, and the consequences of our economic system. It's a big, long, wide journey and through multiple sources such as articles, images, videos and multiple social media platforms, I've been trying to educate myself more on important subjects.

Communism, capitalism, libertarian, conservative, the left, the right, the history, the impact. It is scary to commit to everything because once you start, you simply cannot stop, once you start waking up your conscience about the horrible reality, the lies, the truths, you cannot put it back to sleep. You can't just ignore prejudice, especially when you're extremely conscious of it's omnipresence. I have continually tried to build my own opinions all while actively creating bullet point arguments in my mind because I just know that at some point I will have to defend my thinking, and I want to do it right.

Now, I am so far from being enlightened, I am a beginner and an amateur in all of those themes, but I am trying, which is the only way to start and grow.

So to tell you about my beliefs, I am a militant human rights activist, I believe in equal opportunities regardless of gender identity, sex, religion, sexual orientation, ethnicity, race and disability. This is a fact, not a belief, but the system was obviously not built to protect all people, its wasn't created to serve everyone equally but to grant a privilege to some and harm others. The current state of the world is not a slip, an accident or a misfunction of our brilliant system but a testament of it operating remarkably well. I believe that equity leads to equality, and I believe that we cannot "fix" methodologies that were immorally created with absolutely no honor whatsoever. I believe in reproductive rights, in legal, safe abortions for anybody who needs one. I believe in the decriminalization of marijuana. I believe that the death penalty is a despicable punition that should be banned as soon as possible. I believe in defunding the police and the military. I believe that it is a shame that I even have to talk about police brutality, I don't want to have to say that it is one of the most horrible things our world has originated, I feel extremely dense when I do because it seems like the most obvious certitude and I refuse to believe that this is a controversial statement. I believe that everything I have just stated, along with many more, isn't anything grand but the bare minimum, the bar is low, and yet, we still have the fight for basic human decency.

Humanity has become an option. We have normalized supporting people that represent everything wrong in this world under the name of tolerance. The left has never claimed to be tolerant towards hateful beings, We have never accepted homophobia, transphobia, racism, ableism and sexism. We cannot, for exemple, accept nazis, as too much tolerance inevitably leads to intolerance. This picture explains it perfectly:

I consider myself a communist/ socialist. The two terms still confuse me a little, some say they are the same, some say they differ quite a bit. What I know is that socialism is the transitional period between capitalism and communism. At the end of the day, the final result and goal is a stateless, moneyless and clasless society that will provide to each his need.

Our capitalistic society has brainwashed us way more than you may think. It is the root of so many of our issues, the underground demon of our problems. Every idea, thought, belief, and misconception of ours were all affected by our current economic system. It has sold us the billionnaire dream which is one of the most toxic things capitalism has offered. We have looked up to billionaires for way too long, why are they so idolized? Most of them come from high upper class families that can easily afford to invest in their inventions and creations. After starting up their companies and occasionnaly stealing other's people ideas to ultimately get undeserved merit, they then can start to properly exploit their hardworking employees's labour. And for unlimited hours and a minimum wage which probably won't even suffice you to survive, you will have to either pick up more shifts or a second or even third job, especially if you have a family to support. All while the CEO barely does any of the work and gets all the praise and money. So no, they don't all come from really poor families and have built everything for nothing.

The worst thing is that we've been so gaslit and brainwashed that we're proud of our own exploitation, we are wired to think that to be successful we have to suffer, work 10 jobs we all hate, constantly pick up extra hours, have 2 hours of sleep, have no free time to do anything we love, waste our entire youth, be depressed our entire adulthood, to finally have a few pennies to spend when we're eighty. We so strongly believe that this is the only right way to be successful that I don't think many of us have dared to question it's authority, and even if we do, we quickly accept that this a truth, a fact we cannot change and this is just the way things are.

We have capitalized water, food, land, forests, oceans, space, and everything in betweeen. Money is social construct and we have deliberately let it take over our lives. To think about the wasted opportunities and the misery that we have to endure so others can enjoy life truly angers me.

Also, communism is not an ideology that has every actually taken place. Despite what they say, there was never actually a communist country. However, every nation that has attempted a socialist system, for exemple Burkina Faso, has thrived. But of course, once capitalist countries noticed that, they decided to murder it's leader. So in conclusion, the only reason socialism failed is because of capitalism and it's interventions.

"As President (1983-1987), Sankara initiated economic reforms that shifted his country away from dependence on foreign aid and reduced the privileges of government officials; he cut salaries, including his own, decreed that there would be no more flying in first class or driving Mercedes as standard issue vehicles for Ministers and other government workers. He led a modest lifestyle and did not personally amass material wealth. President Sankara encouraged self-sufficiency, including the use of local resources to build clinics, schools and other needed infrastructure. [...] President Sankara promoted land reform, childhood vaccination, tree planting, communal school building, and nation-wide literacy campaigns. He was committed to gender equity and women’s rights and was the first African leader to publicly recognize the AIDS pandemic as a threat to African countries. Although Sankara became somewhat more authoritarian during his Presidency, his ideas, and the possibility that they could spread, were viewed by many as posing the greatest threat. President Sankara was assassinated during a coup led by a French-backed politician, Blaise Compaoré, in October 1987. Compaoré served as the President of Burkina Faso from October 1987 through October 2014, when he himself was overthrown."

Via:https://africandevelopmentsuccesses.wordpress.com/2015/02/28/success-story-from-burkina-faso-thomas-sankaras-legacy/

I have been reading and watching some amazing human rights activists, notably Angela Davis, Malcolm X and James Baldwin. The people that were villainized, labeled as violent and radical, when every single word that came out of their mouhs were pure facts. They are probably some of the most eloquent people I have had the pleasure of hearing. Every sentence, every argument, every single detail made so much sense and opened my mind to so many new realizations. This is the perfect exemple of how the media tarnishes the reputation of wise black women and men. I would strongly advise you to research more about them.

"Socialism & communism are demonized in the west to the point of erasing influential individuals' socialist advocacy. Heres a short list of people you may not have known were socialists/ communists:

MLK

Albert Einstein

Nelson Mandela

Frida Kahlo

Tupac Shakur

Mark Twain

Malcom X

Oscar Wilde

Bertrand Russell

Hellen Keller

Pablo Picasso

George Orwell

Shia LaBeouf

John Lennon

Woody Guthrie

Socialism & communism are not dirty words. Some of the most brilliant minds of our history were socialists and communists. Embrace it." Via @sleepisocialist on twitter

So what else can I say, capitalism has ruined our society and the way we act and think. I know a lot of people refuse to support communism because they think it's too much of a perfect ideal utopian world for it to ever actually exist. And to that I say, first of all, so you agree, it is a wonderful theory, and second of all, a world without racism, sexism, homophobia or any kind or discrimination could also be perceived as "too ideal to actually exist", but does that mean I'm giving up on talking, educating myself and others, protesting and trying to build a better future? Absolutely not. This is the objective, it would be so dumb to think that we just couldn't achieve that so let's not even try.

I want to talk more in detail about communism, theory, human rights, etc... but I don't want to make this post any longer. I will however be posting more about it soon enough.

I know this is a little different than what I usually post, but I want to speak, tell you all my own opinions, I don't want to just repost activism related stuff. I'll continue to do that, but not exclusively. I know it won't get as many interactions as my other posts, but this is what I needed at some point in my life, and if I could make understanding some basic informations easier to some people, it'll already be a great accomplishment.

Thank you for reading.

#malcolm x #angela davis #martin luther jr #martin luther king #james baldwin #internalized racism #racism #discrimination #black lives matter #blm protests #fuck the police #defund the police #defund the military #activism #activist #abortion is a human right #human rights #oppression #prejudice #communism #lgbtq community #lgbt rights #karl marx #communist #socialism #socialist #politics #change the system #fuck the system #operating system

[skzsoft]

raising our voices

stray kids 9th member au,, m.list

conflict between two members has been going on ever since kirei joined the boys. three weeks go by and kirei decides she has had enough of it, but perhaps getting involved wasn’t the best decision.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

every family fights. i knew that, however i didn't expect it to happen so soon in stray kids. when i first met the rest of the boys, they all seemed to get along perfectly. they all seemed incredibly close during that first practice we had together. but it had been nearly three weeks since then and i had quickly caught on to the conflict happening between jisung and hyunjin. i also discovered, from jisung, that there was no specific reason for their feud; they apparently just didn't get along.

when i first noticed the snappy comments between them, all i wanted to do was get them to stop. i felt this urge to try and resolve their conflict, but seungmin discouraged me from doing so, saying that it was probably best that i didn't get involved. i understood at first, whatever their issue was it wasn't any of my business. however, as these three weeks went by i had to admit that the whole feud was starting to become more and more of my business, and everyone else's too.

the constant nagging between the two was tiring and always brought the mood down whenever the group was practicing, we could never catch a break. even if it was their issue, it was affecting the whole group. i can always see it on the members' faces, the look of irritation or fatigue. so it became evident to me pretty quickly that their business was also my business, it was the whole group's business.

not all of us happened to live together just yet, so far there was only a few members living in a dorm together. the company had told us that they would let us all move in once we started shooting the reality show, so for now i was living alone in my parents house.

my parents are currently living in my hometown, gold coast, back in australia. but they own a house here in seoul, which i've been living in by myself for the last few months. this meant i could escape the arguing when i was home, but this still has never stopped the constant urge to intervene anytime hyunjin and jisung fight.

today happened to be a bad day, i arrived to practice late because my bus from school got delayed. i also left my umbrella at home this morning, not aware that it was meant to rain, and got soaked on my way back from school. and the cherry on top was that i forgot to put a change of clothes in my locker at jyp, meaning i had arrived in a drenched school uniform with nothing to change into. minho has very kindly let me borrow his spare clothes, which consisted of merely grey sweatpants and a black tshirt.

i was not in a good mood to say the least, and i was certainly not in the mood to hear any arguing between hyunjin and jisung.

the practice started off normally, with a quick warm up and some stretches like we usually did. we also started learning some choreography for warrior's descendant, the song that we'd perform at the upcoming showcase. it was just about one month away so we has time to practice and perfect the dance.

there was one particular move that jisung seemed to have trouble getting the hang of, which didn't really matter for now as we had a lot of time to practice before the showcase. hyunjin, however wasn't letting him off the hook.

"jesus jisung you can't even do this simple move, how the hell are we going to able to debut if you keep making small mistakes?" hyunjin remarked, frustrating jisung who didn't hesitate to snap back.

"at least i can rap and sing properly, shame you're only good at dancing"

usually i was patient with the two of them, but my mood today definitely did not have the patience to tolerate their pointless arguing. usually i'd try to think before i say anything or try not to raise my voice, however i wasn't in the right head space to do this today.

"oh my god can the both of you stop arguing for once? it's tiring and it's bothering everyone here,  grow up guys." i snapped mindlessly, not realizing an argument would break out afterwards.

"yah, it's none of your business. so stop trying to get involved in something that doesn't regard you. if it bothers you so much you can go back to the female trainees." he spat, looking directly into my eyes with a vicious stare. it was probably the first time i had ever made actual eye contact with him too. i was to angry to even care about what he had said about me, all i wanted was the feud to stop.

"hey hyunjin don't say things like that" minho butted in. hyunjin didn't pay much attention to him however.

"look leave kirei alone she hasn't done anything, all she wants is peace, but your too much of an ass to make any effort at all" jisung said, defending me. i appreciated his defence, but i also wanted to speak for myself.

"you're making it everyone's business by constantly starting shit!" at this point i was just mad, mad that he wasn't listening, mad that he was being selfish and disregarding how everyone was feeling.

over the last three weeks, i hadn't had any trouble getting to know the others guys. i was able to get really close to them, even changbin who had been awkward for the first week — turns out he was just overwhelmed by my addition do stray kids, but also constantly reassured me that he did want me in the group. the only person that i had made no progress with whatsoever was hyunjin. even when i tried starting up conversations during or after practice, he'd always give me short responses and just walk away. there was simply just zero effort being made, and it was becoming extremely frustrating honestly. this probably added to the reason i was getting riled up.

"okay guys! cut it out! seriously!" it was bang chan's loud voice resonating through the whole practice room that made the three of us silent. we all stared at him, not knowing what to say at all.

"i'm honestly really disappointed in how unprofessional the three of you are being right now. kirei, you're right, the bickering is incredibly tiring for the team, but raising our voices like this only makes it worse. i'm expecting more from you three in the future. so please, just cool off for the rest of the practice and figure this out peacefully in your own time." bang chan finished, clearly not impressed in how the three of us had acted today.

in a way, i was frustrated that my efforts were being discredited. but i ultimately understood chan, he was only doing his job as leader. perhaps i had acted irrationally, we all would have been better off talking about everything privately.

the rest of the practice went by without any more snarky comments. i think the two boys got the message, loud and clear. when practice finally came to an end, i noticed chan giving the three of us a look, a look that seemed to be encouraging the three of us to talk. so, i said goodbye to the other guys as they packed up their stuff and left; i once again thanked minho for the clothes.

soon the practice room was left with only myself, jisung and hyunjin. not wanting to waste anytime, i immediately began to question hyunjin.

"look hyunjin, i have absolutely no problems with you. i want to be friends, so if i did anything to you can you please talk this out with me? for the sake of the team." i questioned, he seemed to have let his guard down quite a bit. he sat down cross legged on the floor, jisung and i quickly followed.

"i'm sorry i've been such an asshole to you for the last three weeks, you really don't deserve it i'm just an idiot." he said running his hands through his hair, visibly annoyed at himself. he looked up at me, and i gave him a look encouraging him to continue.

"i guess, when i first met you during that monthly evaluation i had been crushing on you for a few weeks and i was just shy and awkward. i got over it pretty quickly but when chan mentioned you were joining us, i don't know, i just felt weird. and when you finally came, i just felt even more awkward because i didn't know how to react this whole 9 boys - 1 girl concept. either way, it's no excuse to the way i've treated you, especially today. so i just want to say sorry, i really am." what chan had said seemed to have really made hyunjin think, because he had poured his entire heart out in a matter of minutes.

i felt grateful that he had finally let his guard down and told me what was going on. i had to admit i didn't expect him to have crushed on me, but it was in the past, nearly two years ago, it didn't matter anymore. on the other hand, i could sense how jisung  felt in that moment, probably not expecting hyunjin to open up like had.

"i understand hyunjin, and thank you for saying all of that. i accept your apology. i just hope that we can be on good terms and get close now" i stated, to which hyunjin nodded and gave me a warm smile. in three weeks he had never smiled at me like that, it made me happy.

"well, i guess i'm done here then" i said, getting up from the floor and grabbing my things. i looked at jisung, who's was begging with his eyes for me not to go. but i knew that it was better if i left them, it was their issue not mine and they needed to figure this out for themselves.

"please try to talk things out, i don't care if you guys aren't best buddies afterwards. just at least try to resolve it or agree to be professional. i'll see you tomorrow boys." i finished before walking out of the practice room. i felt satisfied with how the day had wrapped up, sure it had it's ups and downs but i learned a lot.

we were a family, and no family is perfect. we argue, we fight. but in the end family is family, the love will always be there.

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

word count :: 1.7k words.

stream go live. thank you for listening to my TED talk.

#stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #stray kids reactions #stray kids #bang chan imagines #bang chan #minho imagines #minho #changbin imagines #changbin #hyunjin imagines #hyunjin #jisung imagines #han jisung #felix imagines #skz felix #seungmin imagines #seungmin #jeongin #in imagines #jeongin imagines #skz au #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines

[deesparrow]

Meet the players, again!

Logic - Sage, she/her:

thrived on the praise we got in elementary for being so smart but feels like a useless idiot nowadays.

still gets me out of a lot of messes and is very important.

has become a bit jaded but can get excited if you spark her curiosity.

Optimism - September, any pronouns:

peace and love and live and let live.

she wants me to always think the best of myself and others, no matter how unrealistic.

she's the part of me that is a pacifict and drove me to take that two year course in peaceful conflict resolution as a neutral third party called bridging.

is the reason Im so easily disappointed by life but means well.

Pessimism - Shelly, any pronouns:

war and hate is everywhere and there's no fixing it so we might as well become as bitchy as all these other assholes.

Shelly is also every grudge I ever held onto and even though I've moved on I can't exactly just forget it.

is my aggression and what caused me to literally bite a kid in 6th grade, amongst other things I did before and after that to lots of people.

is the reason I'm so mean recently. makes be skeptical and sarcastic and bitter about the world and everyone in it, even when it creates less than ideal situations, but means well.

Hyperfixation - Cecily, she/her:

is all my fandoms and special interests, but also what I call my inner fangirl.

she is all of my excitement and love and passion.

as such she is also horny on main 24/7 but we love her just the way she is.

especially Sabrina, even if she can't keep up at times.

Imagination - Sabrina, she/her:

she is not only my creativity, but also my dreams (daydreams, sleep dreams, fantasies and dreams for the future).

she is fuled by everyone else but mostly by Cecily.

she likes it when she and Sage can peacefully collaborate because Sage has some great ideas for certain words and dialogues, she's really helpful when it comes to story structure and just the logistics of writing.

when in charge of my sleeping dreams she gets to work with Angelica, who she adores so much.

it can get bad sometimes if Dimi or Salem find their way into the dream.

Dimi and Salem also have influence over Sabrina in the waking world.

they have a lot of power but they are also very easy to ignore, which Cecily and Sage are good at helping Sabrina do.

Sabrina is quite fanciful because she finds reality has disapointed her far too many times, so she'd rather I lock myself in a room away from the world, just reading and writing fanfics and watchingy favorite shows, and maybe occasionally going outside to eat.

she has a lot of support on that idea, unfortunately.

Paranoia - Salem, they/them:

every worst case scenario, legitimate concern, irrational fear, unnecessary phobia, and disproportionate panicked reaction.

the problem with them is that they are not one type of fear, they are all of my fears of all kinds, shapes, and sizes, and they have a really hard time reacting properly to each kind of fear.

it's really hard to categories your fears when you're too busy freaking out about them.

luckily, the rest of the sides have slowly begun to accept Salem as part of the group and are helping them do just that so they can do their job better.

ADHD - Sally, she/her:

kinda the reason Cecily exists, along with Syd.

won't let me catch a break.

hated the Ritalin even more than I did.

a human bouncy ball who wont let me stay still and focused at once, I gotta choose one over the other for a certain amount of time.

(high function) Autism - Syd, they/them:

the other reason Cecily exists, they and Sally are very much like Cecily's parents, even if Cecily is slightly more responsible than they are.

only slightly.

"funny you don't look autistic" buddy boi dude pal I just danced down the street scream singing lyrics what about that ISNT AUTISTIC ALSO FUCK YOU FOR THINKING PEOPLE CAN LOOK AUTISTIC.

Took way too long for me to get diagnosed so we're both pretty bitter about that.

Disturbance - Dimi, he/him:

Every random morbid, scary, and as his title suggests disturbing thought I have.

he escalated into some bad places when I was having a hard time at school.

but ever since he chilled out a bit and only chips in when he wants to suggest

"hey what is you stabbed yourself or jumped out a window"

but I can shut him up with a wtf no and he'll go

"understandable have a good day."

Is bassicaly Syd and Sally's son, and therefore Cecily's Brother.

He's the older sibling.

Emmet - productivity, he/they:

is not having a good time.

really hoping we'll get a callback from at least one of the auditions we did so he can get back to his old self.

is really sick.

and tired.

of my bullshit.

get off your lazy ass Dee.

what are you doing.

what.

WHAT.

Syd and Sally are married, their son Dimi is dating Salem, their daughter Cecily is dating Sabrina, and then you've got Sage and Emmet, who's relationship is kinda like one of those divorced couples in movies who end up back together because turns out they just needed to fucking communicate. Shelly considers herself Salem's big sister, and September just loves her weird delightful family and tries to keep everyone together. Shelly and September have a... Complicated relationship.

Bonus Round!!!

Angelica is my Sleep, responsible of my sleep patterns and schedule as well as my dreams though she needs to work with Sabrina to execute those dreams.

Heather is my insomnia and is a fucking bitch who I hate to death. But Angelica seems to be into her and I can't really convince them to break up so I guess I'm fucked.

#dee writes #sparrow sides #my sides #infodump

[priyankafemaleadda-blog]

Addicted to Real Estate - Why I Can't Cease and Why You'll want to Start out

The All-Money-Down Strategy So how does the all-money-down method operate by purchasing a residence with money? For starters, let me repeat that I genuinely didn't have any cash, but I had a significant quantity of equity from Terry's property and numerous homes that I owned put with each other to offer me a substantial money down payment. Banks and mortgage companies alike will accept money from a home-equity line of credit as money to buy a household. A minimum of they did in 1997 below the monetary guidelines of the day. What it's essential to keep in mind about mortgages and lending is the fact that the guidelines transform continuously, so this approach I made use of in 1997 may or may not be able to be employed in the future. No matter if it is actually or isn't capable to be used once again doesn't really matter to me as I think that there will normally be a technique to invest in real estate with restricted money down sooner or later. There will always be a strategy to acquire real estate but exactly how that could be carried out in the future I am not completely confident. I started buying homes in the Mayfair section of Philadelphia with all the costs inside the $30,000 to $40,000 per property value variety. I'd acquire a residence with three bedrooms and one particular bathroom on the second floor with a kitchen, dining space, and living area around the 1st floor in addition to a basement. What we contact a row household in Philadelphia would consist of a porch out front along with a backyard the width of the home. Most row houses in Philadelphia are less than twenty-two feet wide. For those of you who are not from Philadelphia and can't picture what a Philadelphia row property looks like, I suggest you watch the film Rocky. Twenty-two residences on each and every side of every single block will genuinely test your capability to be a neighbor. Things that can generally trigger an argument together with your Philadelphia neighbors normally stem from parking, noise your children make, where you leave your trash cans, parties, along with the appearance of one's residence. In 1998 my girlfriend and I moved in with each other and for the suburbs of Philadelphia known as Warminster. Soon after living on a street in Tacony, substantially like Rocky did, I actually looked forward to obtaining space involving my household and my next-door neighbor. I told Terry not to even think about speaking using the people who lived next door to us. I told her if one of them comes more than using a fruitcake I am going to take it and punt it like a football ideal into their backyard. I believe I was affected by Philadelphia row home syndrome. My new neighbors in Warminster turned out to become superb individuals, nevertheless it took me eighteen months prior to I was willing to discover that. So you simply purchased your row dwelling for $35,000 in Mayfair, and after $2000 in closing expenses and $5000 in repair charges, you uncover your self a fantastic tenant who wants to rent the dwelling. Just after renting the house with a positive money flow of $200 a month, you now have an outstanding debt of $42,000 on your household equity line of credit which will need to be paid off. When acquiring the residence, I did not get a mortgage as I just bought a home for cash since it is mentioned within the enterprise. All monies I spent on this house have been spent from the home-equity line of credit.

The move now is to spend off your home-equity line of credit so you may go do it once more. We now visit a bank together with your fixed-up house and inform the mortgage department that you want to do a cash-out refinancing of one's real estate investment. It assists to explain that the neighborhood you purchase your house in should possess a wider selection of pricing because the neighborhood of Mayfair did within the mid-90s. The pricing of houses in Mayfair is rather unusual as you would see a $3000 difference in household values from 1 block to the subsequent. This was essential when doing a cash-out refinancing since it's fairly straightforward for the bank to find out that I just bought my property for $35,000 regardless of the truth that I did numerous repairs. I could justify the fact that I've spent more income on my property to fix it up, and by placing a tenant in, it was now a profitable piece of real estate from an investment standpoint. If I was lucky like I was numerous instances more than undertaking this system of purchasing residences in Mayfair plus the appraiser would use houses a block or two away and come back with an appraisal of $45,000. Back then there were applications enabling an investor to purchase a house for ten % down or left in as equity carrying out a 90 % cash out refinance providing me back roughly $40,500. Using this approach allowed me to have back the majority of the cash I place down around the home. I basically paid just $1,500 down for this new residence. Why did the mortgage corporations plus the appraisers maintain providing me the numbers I wanted? I assume because they wanted the enterprise. I'd only tell the bank I have to have this to are available in at $45,000 or I'm just maintaining it financed as is. They constantly seemed to give me what I wanted inside purpose. This complete process took 3 to 4 months for the duration of which time I may have saved some thousand dollars. Amongst the cash I saved from my job and my investments and cash out refinancing, I had replenished most or all of my funds from my home-equity line of credit that was now nearly back to zero to start the course of action again. And that's precisely what I intended to do. I utilised this system to purchase four to six properties a year utilizing the same cash to purchase household just after residence right after house over and over once more. In reality, the strategy is often a no-money down or little revenue down approach. In the time possibly I had $60,000 in out there funds to work with to get residences off of my HELOC, so I would buy a residence and after that replenish the cash. It was a terrific approach that was legal, and I could see my dream of becoming a real estate investor full-time coming to an eventual reality despite the fact that I wasn't there yet. Through the years from 1995 to 2002, the real estate market place in Philadelphia produced gradual increases of maybe six percent as every year went on. I began to track my net worth that was one hundred % equity, which means I had no other forms of investments to examine when calculating my net worth. Commonly speaking, the very first 5 years of my real estate career did not go properly due to the bad choices I produced purchasing buildings and the decline inside the market. In addition, my lack of information and practical experience in repairs created it a rough. The second five years of my real estate profession that I just finished explaining didn't make substantially dollars either. I supported myself mostly by way of my career as a salesman, but I could undoubtedly see the writing on the wall that down the road real estate was going to become my full-time gig. Realty Pros of America I own an office creating which has a real estate organization as a tenant referred to as Realty Professionals of America. The firm features a terrific program exactly where a brand new agent receives 75 % with the commission and also the broker gets only 25 %. When you don't know it, this is a fairly very good deal, specifically for a new real estate agent. The business also provides a 5 % sponsorship charge for the agent who sponsors them on each and every deal they do. Should you bring a person who's a realtor in to the firm that you have sponsored, the broker will spend you a five % sponsorship out of the broker's end to ensure that the new realtor you sponsored can nonetheless earn 75 % commissions. In addition to the above, Realty Pros of America presents to raise the realtor's commission by five percent right after reaching cumulative commission benchmarks, as much as a maximum of 90 %. After a commission benchmark is reached, an agent's commission rate is only decreased if commissions inside the following year don't attain a reduced baseline amount. I currently preserve 85 % of all my deals' commissions; plus I receive sponsorship checks of 5 percent in the commissions that the agents I sponsored earn. If you'd prefer to understand extra about being sponsored into Realty Professionals of America's great program, please call me directly at 267-988-2000. Having My Real Estate License One of the things that I did inside the summer time of 2005 immediately after leaving my full-time job was to create plans to obtain my real estate license. Finding my real estate license was one thing I normally wanted to complete but never seemed to have the time for you to do it. I am confident you have heard that excuse a thousand instances. People today generally say that they are going to accomplish anything quickly as they come across the time to do it, however they never seem to discover the time, do they? I try not to let myself make excuses for something. So I've created up my mind prior to I ever left my full-time job that 1 in the first points I would do was to acquire my real estate license. I enrolled in a school called the American Real Estate Institute for any two-week full-time plan to receive my license to sell real estate within the state of Pennsylvania. Two terrific guys with a globe of experience taught the class, and I enjoyed the time I spent there. Straight away after finishing the course in the American Real Estate Institute, I booked the next obtainable day provided by the state to take the state exam. My teachers' suggestions to take the exam immediately after the class turned out to be a superb suggestion. I passed the exam with flying colors and have used my license many instances considering that to purchase real estate and cut down the costs. For those who are going to be a full-time real estate investor or possibly a commercial real estate investor, then you definitely virtually must get a license. Although I know a few people who never believe this, I'm convinced it's the only way. I worked on one deal at $3 million exactly where the commission to the buyer's real estate agent was $75,000. By the time my broker took a share, I walked with $63,000 commission on that deal alone. With all the typical expense per year of becoming a realtor operating about $1200 per year, this one particular deal alone would've paid for my real estate license for fifty-three years. Not to mention each of the other fringe benefits like obtaining access to the a number of listing service presented also several realtors in this country. Though you will discover other strategies to get access towards the multiple listing solutions or one more program similar to it, a real estate license is a good way to go. Some of the negatives I hear over and over once more about possessing your real estate license is definitely the reality that you need to disclose that you are realtor when purchasing a residence if you're representing yourself. Perhaps I am missing something, but I do not see this as a unfavorable at all. If you're skilled inside the art of negotiation, it's just another hurdle which you must cope with. I suppose you may finish up inside a lawsuit where a court of law could assume simply because you might be realtor you must know all these items. I never spend my life worrying regarding the million methods I could be sued any more than I be concerned about finding hit by a automobile each time I cross the street. The Addict From his first investment property more than 20 years ago to his relentless search for the following great deal every single day, Falcone is actually a non-stop real estate investment machine! Get Addicted At times addiction can be a very great issue. In this book Phil Falcone, the ultimate real estate addict, will show you tips on how to attain astounding results as a real estate investor: Delve in to the particulars of actual offers he negotiated and understand why his approaches were so effective Find out why his residential to commercial real estate approach will generate ultimate wealth Learn how he applied apparent liabilities (OCD, insomnia, and workaholic behavior) to assist him obtain his ambitions Explore why he can not quit investing in real estate, and how it is possible to begin controlling your own financial destiny by way of real estate Frank, funny and informative, Addicted to Real Estate will inspire any investor to achieve higher levels of drive and results within the rewarding world of Destin Real Estate .

[ripwitchuniverse-blog]

Addicted to Real Estate - Why I Can't Cease and Why You must Start off

The All-Money-Down Approach So how does the all-money-down technique function by acquiring a property with cash? To start with, let me repeat that I genuinely did not have any money, but I had a important amount of equity from Terry's house and a number of homes that I owned place with each other to provide me a substantial cash down payment. Banks and mortgage organizations alike will accept revenue from a home-equity line of credit as cash to buy a home. A minimum of they did in 1997 below the monetary guidelines of the day. What it's essential to remember about mortgages and lending is the fact that the guidelines modify continually, so this strategy I made use of in 1997 may well or might not be in a position to become utilized inside the future. No matter if it truly is or is not in a position to be utilized once more doesn't really matter to me as I think that there will always be a method to purchase real estate with restricted dollars down sooner or later. There will usually be a approach to obtain real estate but precisely how that may be performed inside the future I am not absolutely positive. I started buying houses in the Mayfair section of Philadelphia with all the prices inside the $30,000 to $40,000 per home price tag range. I would acquire a household with 3 bedrooms and one bathroom around the second floor having a kitchen, dining room, and living area on the first floor and a basement. What we get in touch with a row dwelling in Philadelphia would consist of a porch out front as well as a backyard the width in the dwelling. Most row houses in Philadelphia are less than twenty-two feet wide. For all those of you that are not from Philadelphia and can not image what a Philadelphia row house looks like, I recommend you watch the movie Rocky. Twenty-two homes on each and every side of every block will actually test your potential to be a neighbor. Things that can usually bring about an argument with your Philadelphia neighbors usually stem from parking, noise your youngsters make, where you leave your trash cans, parties, as well as the look of your residence. In 1998 my girlfriend and I moved in together and towards the suburbs of Philadelphia known as Warminster. Right after living on a street in Tacony, a great deal like Rocky did, I definitely looked forward to getting space involving my dwelling and my next-door neighbor. I told Terry to not even assume about talking with the people who lived next door to us. I told her if one of them comes over using a fruitcake I am going to take it and punt it like a football appropriate into their backyard. I believe I was struggling with Philadelphia row residence syndrome. My new neighbors in Warminster turned out to become excellent people, nevertheless it took me eighteen months prior to I was prepared to learn that. So you simply purchased your row household for $35,000 in Mayfair, and after $2000 in closing expenses and $5000 in repair fees, you find your self a superb tenant who desires to rent the house. Soon after renting the house having a optimistic cash flow of $200 a month, you now have an outstanding debt of $42,000 in your dwelling equity line of credit which will need to be paid off. When buying the property, I did not get a mortgage as I just bought a home for cash since it is mentioned within the organization. All monies I spent on this house had been spent from the home-equity line of credit.

The move now is usually to spend off your home-equity line of credit so you'll be able to go do it once again. We now go to a bank with your fixed-up home and inform the mortgage division that you just want to do a cash-out refinancing of your real estate investment. It helps to clarify that the neighborhood you acquire your home in must have a wider range of pricing because the neighborhood of Mayfair did in the mid-90s. The pricing of homes in Mayfair is pretty unusual as you would see a $3000 distinction in property values from one block to the next. This was vital when carrying out a cash-out refinancing for the reason that it is fairly simple for the bank to determine that I just purchased my property for $35,000 irrespective of the truth that I did many repairs. I could justify the truth that I've spent more dollars on my dwelling to repair it up, and by putting a tenant in, it was now a profitable piece of real estate from an investment standpoint. If I was fortunate like I was many occasions more than doing this program of getting properties in Mayfair and the appraiser would use homes a block or two away and come back with an appraisal of $45,000. Back then there had been programs enabling an investor to purchase a house for 10 % down or left in as equity performing a 90 % money out refinance providing me back roughly $40,500. Using this method permitted me to acquire back most of the cash I put down on the house. I generally paid just $1,500 down for this new property. Why did the mortgage providers and also the appraisers maintain providing me the numbers I wanted? I assume for the reason that they wanted the company. I would only tell the bank I require this to come in at $45,000 or I am just keeping it financed as is. They often seemed to provide me what I wanted within explanation. This complete process took 3 to 4 months through which time I might have saved a couple of thousand dollars. In between the money I saved from my job and my investments and money out refinancing, I had replenished most or all of my funds from my home-equity line of credit that was now pretty much back to zero to begin the method once more. And that is precisely what I intended to perform. I employed this method to buy 4 to six residences a year using the exact same revenue to purchase home following property soon after house again and again once again. In reality, the strategy is a no-money down or small dollars down method. In the time maybe I had $60,000 in available funds to work with to purchase properties off of my HELOC, so I would obtain a home and after that replenish the money. It was a terrific method that was legal, and I could see my dream of being a real estate investor full-time coming to an eventual reality despite the fact that I wasn't there yet. Through the years from 1995 to 2002, the real estate market place in Philadelphia made gradual increases of maybe six percent as each and every year went on. I started to track my net worth that was one hundred percent equity, meaning I had no other forms of investments to examine when calculating my net worth. Frequently speaking, the first 5 years of my real estate profession did not go properly as a result of the bad decisions I made getting buildings and also the decline inside the market place. In addition, my lack of know-how and practical experience in repairs created it a rough. The second 5 years of my real estate profession that I just finished explaining did not make considerably funds either. I supported myself mainly through my career as a salesman, but I could surely see the writing around the wall that down the road real estate was going to become my full-time gig. Realty Professionals of America I personal an workplace constructing which has a real estate business as a tenant referred to as Realty Experts of America. The business has a terrific program where a new agent receives 75 percent of the commission and also the broker gets only 25 percent. For those who don't know it, this is a fairly good deal, in particular for a new real estate agent. The firm also provides a 5 % sponsorship fee for the agent who sponsors them on every deal they do. In the event you bring a person who's a realtor in to the company that you have sponsored, the broker will spend you a 5 percent sponsorship out of your broker's end to ensure that the new realtor you sponsored can nonetheless earn 75 % commissions. Along with the above, Realty Specialists of America delivers to improve the realtor's commission by five % immediately after attaining cumulative commission benchmarks, as much as a maximum of 90 %. When a commission benchmark is reached, an agent's commission price is only decreased if commissions in the following year do not reach a lower baseline amount. I presently hold 85 percent of all my deals' commissions; plus I obtain sponsorship checks of five percent from the commissions that the agents I sponsored earn. If you'd like to understand much more about becoming sponsored into Realty Professionals of America's superb program, please contact me directly at 267-988-2000. Receiving My Real Estate License One particular of the items that I did within the summer season of 2005 after leaving my full-time job was to create plans to acquire my real estate license. Getting my real estate license was a thing I constantly wanted to do but never seemed to possess the time to do it. I am sure you have heard that excuse a thousand occasions. Men and women always say that they are going to do some thing soon as they locate the time for you to do it, but they under no circumstances seem to discover the time, do they? I attempt not to let myself make excuses for anything. So I've produced up my mind before I ever left my full-time job that one on the initial points I would do was to acquire my real estate license. I enrolled within a school called the American Real Estate Institute for any two-week full-time plan to receive my license to sell real estate in the state of Pennsylvania. Two terrific guys using a world of experience taught the class, and I enjoyed the time I spent there. Instantly right after completing the course in the American Real Estate Institute, I booked the next accessible day provided by the state to take the state exam. My teachers' suggestions to take the exam straight away right after the class turned out to become a fantastic suggestion. I passed the exam with flying colors and have made use of my license quite a few times considering the fact that to purchase real estate and lessen the expenditures. When you are going to be a full-time real estate investor or possibly a commercial real estate investor, then you virtually need to get a license. While I know a number of folks who don't think this, I am convinced it is the only way. I worked on one particular deal at $3 million where the commission for the buyer's real estate agent was $75,000. By the time my broker took a share, I walked with $63,000 commission on that deal alone. Together with the typical cost per year of getting a realtor running about $1200 per year, this one particular deal alone would've paid for my real estate license for fifty-three years. To not mention each of the other fringe positive aspects like having access for the multiple listing service supplied as well lots of realtors within this country. Though you will discover other strategies to get access towards the many listing services or a different system similar to it, a real estate license is a superb approach to go. Several of the negatives I hear again and again again about obtaining your real estate license may be the reality which you need to disclose that you are realtor when getting a property if you are representing your self. Perhaps I am missing something, but I don't see this as a adverse at all. If you are skilled within the art of negotiation, it really is just one more hurdle that you have to cope with. I suppose you may finish up in a lawsuit exactly where a court of law could assume since you happen to be realtor you ought to know all these things. I never spend my life worrying concerning the million ways I is often sued any more than I worry about obtaining hit by a automobile every time I cross the street. The Addict From his 1st investment property over 20 years ago to his relentless look for the next great deal every single day, Falcone can be a non-stop real estate investment machine! Get Addicted From time to time addiction is a incredibly superior factor. In this book Phil Falcone, the ultimate real estate addict, will show you tips on how to obtain astounding achievement as a real estate investor: Delve into the particulars of actual deals he negotiated and study why his strategies have been so effective Uncover why his residential to industrial real estate method will develop ultimate wealth Learn how he utilized apparent liabilities (OCD, insomnia, and workaholic behavior) to assist him attain his objectives Explore why he can not quit investing in real estate, and how you are able to commence controlling your own financial destiny via real estate Frank, funny and informative, Addicted to Real Estate will inspire any investor to attain larger levels of drive and results in the rewarding planet of Destin Real Estate .

[customdogportraits-blog]

Addicted to Real Estate - Why I Can't Quit and Why It is best to Start out

The All-Money-Down Strategy So how does the all-money-down approach operate by acquiring a home with cash? To begin with, let me repeat that I seriously didn't have any money, but I had a considerable amount of equity from Terry's household and several properties that I owned place collectively to provide me a substantial money down payment. Banks and mortgage firms alike will accept cash from a home-equity line of credit as money to buy a household. At the very least they did in 1997 under the economic guidelines on the day. What you must keep in mind about mortgages and lending is that the suggestions change frequently, so this strategy I used in 1997 might or might not be able to be used within the future. Irrespective of whether it's or isn't capable to be utilised again does not seriously matter to me as I believe that there will often be a approach to obtain real estate with restricted funds down sooner or later. There will always be a technique to acquire real estate but precisely how that may be done within the future I am not completely positive. I started acquiring residences in the Mayfair section of Philadelphia together with the costs inside the $30,000 to $40,000 per dwelling value variety. I would purchase a dwelling with three bedrooms and one particular bathroom on the second floor having a kitchen, dining room, and living area on the 1st floor and a basement. What we call a row home in Philadelphia would consist of a porch out front as well as a backyard the width of your house. Most row homes in Philadelphia are much less than twenty-two feet wide. For those of you that are not from Philadelphia and can't image what a Philadelphia row property looks like, I recommend you watch the movie Rocky. Twenty-two homes on each and every side of every single block will seriously test your potential to become a neighbor. Factors that should normally bring about an argument together with your Philadelphia neighbors normally stem from parking, noise your young children make, where you leave your trash cans, parties, as well as the look of the property. In 1998 my girlfriend and I moved in with each other and towards the suburbs of Philadelphia named Warminster. Right after living on a street in Tacony, much like Rocky did, I truly looked forward to having space in between my home and my next-door neighbor. I told Terry to not even feel about speaking together with the men and women who lived next door to us. I told her if a single of them comes over with a fruitcake I am going to take it and punt it like a football right into their backyard. I believe I was affected by Philadelphia row dwelling syndrome. My new neighbors in Warminster turned out to become amazing persons, nevertheless it took me eighteen months prior to I was prepared to understand that. So you just bought your row residence for $35,000 in Mayfair, and just after $2000 in closing fees and $5000 in repair expenses, you find oneself a superb tenant who wants to rent the residence. After renting the dwelling having a constructive cash flow of $200 a month, you now have an outstanding debt of $42,000 in your home equity line of credit that could have to be paid off. When purchasing the dwelling, I did not get a mortgage as I just purchased a residence for money since it is stated in the small business. All monies I spent on this house were spent in the home-equity line of credit.

The move now would be to pay off your home-equity line of credit so you may go do it again. We now go to a bank together with your fixed-up home and inform the mortgage division that you simply choose to do a cash-out refinancing of one's real estate investment. It aids to clarify that the neighborhood you obtain your home in should really possess a wider selection of pricing because the neighborhood of Mayfair did inside the mid-90s. The pricing of residences in Mayfair is pretty uncommon as you would see a $3000 difference in property values from one block towards the next. This was critical when carrying out a cash-out refinancing mainly because it is quite uncomplicated for the bank to view that I just bought my property for $35,000 no matter the truth that I did many repairs. I could justify the truth that I've spent a lot more revenue on my residence to repair it up, and by placing a tenant in, it was now a profitable piece of real estate from an investment standpoint. If I was lucky like I was quite a few times over carrying out this technique of buying properties in Mayfair as well as the appraiser would use properties a block or two away and come back with an appraisal of $45,000. Back then there were applications allowing an investor to buy a household for ten % down or left in as equity carrying out a 90 % money out refinance providing me back roughly $40,500. Utilizing this method permitted me to get back the majority of the cash I place down around the home. I fundamentally paid just $1,500 down for this new house. Why did the mortgage businesses along with the appraisers preserve providing me the numbers I wanted? I assume mainly because they wanted the small business. I would only tell the bank I require this to come in at $45,000 or I am just maintaining it financed as is. They always seemed to give me what I wanted within cause. This entire course of action took three to four months during which time I might have saved several thousand dollars. In between the cash I saved from my job and my investments and cash out refinancing, I had replenished most or all of my funds from my home-equity line of credit that was now just about back to zero to start the approach once more. And that is specifically what I intended to complete. I employed this program to purchase four to six homes a year utilizing the identical funds to buy home soon after household right after home over and over again. In reality, the approach is usually a no-money down or small funds down technique. In the time maybe I had $60,000 in obtainable funds to make use of to buy homes off of my HELOC, so I'd buy a home and then replenish the cash. It was a terrific approach that was legal, and I could see my dream of being a real estate investor full-time coming to an eventual reality despite the fact that I wasn't there but. Throughout the years from 1995 to 2002, the real estate marketplace in Philadelphia made gradual increases of maybe 6 % as every single year went on. I started to track my net worth that was one hundred percent equity, meaning I had no other forms of investments to take a look at when calculating my net worth. Typically speaking, the initial five years of my real estate career did not go properly due to the bad choices I made purchasing buildings and the decline within the industry. Additionally, my lack of information and expertise in repairs produced it a rough. The second five years of my real estate profession that I just completed explaining didn't make significantly funds either. I supported myself primarily through my career as a salesman, but I could absolutely see the writing on the wall that down the road real estate was going to become my full-time gig. Realty Pros of America I personal an workplace developing which has a real estate corporation as a tenant called Realty Professionals of America. The corporation has a terrific strategy exactly where a new agent receives 75 % with the commission plus the broker gets only 25 percent. In the event you do not know it, this is a pretty great deal, specially to get a new real estate agent. The corporation also presents a five percent sponsorship charge for the agent who sponsors them on just about every deal they do. Should you bring a person who is a realtor in for the organization that you have sponsored, the broker will spend you a 5 % sponsorship out of the broker's finish in order that the new realtor you sponsored can still earn 75 % commissions. Along with the above, Realty Professionals of America offers to raise the realtor's commission by five % after attaining cumulative commission benchmarks, up to a maximum of 90 %. When a commission benchmark is reached, an agent's commission rate is only decreased if commissions in the following year don't attain a reduce baseline amount. I currently retain 85 % of all my deals' commissions; plus I acquire sponsorship checks of 5 % in the commissions that the agents I sponsored earn. If you'd prefer to understand extra about getting sponsored into Realty Specialists of America's fantastic strategy, please call me directly at 267-988-2000. Receiving My Real Estate License One of the things that I did in the summer season of 2005 following leaving my full-time job was to create plans to obtain my real estate license. Receiving my real estate license was a thing I always wanted to complete but never seemed to have the time to do it. I'm sure you've heard that excuse a thousand occasions. People usually say that they're going to perform some thing quickly as they locate the time to do it, but they never ever look to seek out the time, do they? I attempt to not let myself make excuses for something. So I've produced up my thoughts before I ever left my full-time job that one from the 1st things I would do was to get my real estate license. I enrolled in a college known as the American Real Estate Institute for a two-week full-time system to receive my license to sell real estate within the state of Pennsylvania. Two terrific guys with a world of knowledge taught the class, and I enjoyed the time I spent there. Straight away right after finishing the course at the American Real Estate Institute, I booked the subsequent out there day offered by the state to take the state exam. My teachers' tips to take the exam promptly immediately after the class turned out to become a superb suggestion. I passed the exam with flying colors and have employed my license several instances considering that to get real estate and lessen the costs. If you are going to become a full-time real estate investor or possibly a industrial real estate investor, then you pretty much must get a license. While I know a number of persons who don't believe this, I am convinced it is the only way. I worked on one particular deal at $3 million where the commission towards the buyer's real estate agent was $75,000. By the time my broker took a share, I walked with $63,000 commission on that deal alone. Together with the average cost per year of becoming a realtor operating about $1200 per year, this a single deal alone would've paid for my real estate license for fifty-three years. Not to mention all the other fringe benefits like having access for the many listing service presented as well quite a few realtors within this country. Even though you will discover other methods to get access to the many listing solutions or another system similar to it, a real estate license is an excellent strategy to go. Many of the negatives I hear over and over once again about obtaining your real estate license may be the fact that you simply have to disclose that you're realtor when obtaining a property if you are representing yourself. Perhaps I am missing a thing, but I never see this as a unfavorable at all. If you are skilled in the art of negotiation, it really is just an additional hurdle that you simply have to take care of. I suppose you could end up within a lawsuit where a court of law could assume simply because you happen to be realtor you should know all these issues. I do not commit my life worrying regarding the million techniques I could be sued any greater than I worry about obtaining hit by a automobile every time I cross the street. The Addict From his initial investment house more than 20 years ago to his relentless search for the subsequent terrific deal on a daily basis, Falcone is usually a non-stop real estate investment machine! Get Addicted From time to time addiction is usually a very superior issue. In this book Phil Falcone, the ultimate real estate addict, will show you how you can reach remarkable good results as a real estate investor: Delve into the specifics of actual bargains he negotiated and study why his approaches had been so powerful Find out why his residential to commercial real estate approach will produce ultimate wealth Learn how he made use of apparent liabilities (OCD, insomnia, and workaholic behavior) to assist him obtain his ambitions Explore why he can not quit investing in real estate, and how you are able to commence controlling your own personal economic destiny via real estate Frank, funny and informative, Addicted to Real Estate will inspire any investor to attain larger levels of drive and good results inside the rewarding planet of Destin Real Estate .

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Addicted to Real Estate - Why I Can't Stop and Why You ought to Commence

The All-Money-Down Approach So how does the all-money-down method work by acquiring a dwelling with cash? Firstly, let me repeat that I definitely didn't have any cash, but I had a substantial quantity of equity from Terry's house and various properties that I owned put collectively to give me a substantial money down payment. Banks and mortgage organizations alike will accept income from a home-equity line of credit as money to purchase a dwelling. At the least they did in 1997 under the economic suggestions in the day. What you must try to remember about mortgages and lending is that the recommendations transform regularly, so this method I utilized in 1997 may well or may not be in a position to be applied in the future. Whether or not it really is or is not in a position to be utilized again does not seriously matter to me as I believe that there will constantly be a strategy to obtain real estate with restricted cash down sooner or later. There will constantly be a technique to acquire real estate but precisely how which will be performed within the future I'm not completely confident. I started buying houses in the Mayfair section of Philadelphia with the rates in the $30,000 to $40,000 per property value variety. I'd acquire a dwelling with three bedrooms and a single bathroom around the second floor with a kitchen, dining room, and living space around the very first floor along with a basement. What we get in touch with a row dwelling in Philadelphia would consist of a porch out front in addition to a backyard the width of the household. Most row houses in Philadelphia are less than twenty-two feet wide. For all those of you who are not from Philadelphia and can't picture what a Philadelphia row household looks like, I recommend you watch the movie Rocky. Twenty-two houses on each side of every block will really test your potential to be a neighbor. Points that can commonly bring about an argument together with your Philadelphia neighbors normally stem from parking, noise your youngsters make, where you leave your trash cans, parties, as well as the look of the residence. In 1998 my girlfriend and I moved in collectively and to the suburbs of Philadelphia called Warminster. After living on a street in Tacony, significantly like Rocky did, I really looked forward to getting space among my residence and my next-door neighbor. I told Terry to not even feel about speaking using the people who lived next door to us. I told her if a single of them comes over with a fruitcake I'm going to take it and punt it like a football right into their backyard. I believe I was suffering from Philadelphia row home syndrome. My new neighbors in Warminster turned out to become fantastic men and women, nevertheless it took me eighteen months ahead of I was willing to study that. So you just bought your row home for $35,000 in Mayfair, and soon after $2000 in closing costs and $5000 in repair expenses, you uncover your self a very good tenant who wants to rent the residence. Right after renting the home using a good cash flow of $200 a month, you now have an outstanding debt of $42,000 on your property equity line of credit which will need to be paid off. When acquiring the household, I did not get a mortgage as I just bought a residence for cash as it is stated in the small business. All monies I spent on this home had been spent in the home-equity line of credit.

The move now should be to pay off your home-equity line of credit so you may go do it once more. We now visit a bank together with your fixed-up house and tell the mortgage department that you just choose to do a cash-out refinancing of one's real estate investment. It helps to explain that the neighborhood you purchase your property in should possess a wider range of pricing as the neighborhood of Mayfair did within the mid-90s. The pricing of properties in Mayfair is rather uncommon as you'd see a $3000 distinction in property values from 1 block to the next. This was significant when performing a cash-out refinancing due to the fact it is quite easy for the bank to see that I just purchased my property for $35,000 regardless of the fact that I did many repairs. I could justify the truth that I've spent a lot more cash on my household to repair it up, and by putting a tenant in, it was now a lucrative piece of real estate from an investment standpoint. If I was fortunate like I was quite a few instances over performing this technique of purchasing houses in Mayfair and also the appraiser would use houses a block or two away and come back with an appraisal of $45,000. Back then there had been applications allowing an investor to buy a residence for ten % down or left in as equity performing a 90 % cash out refinance providing me back roughly $40,500. Using this method permitted me to acquire back the majority of the cash I put down on the property. I generally paid just $1,500 down for this new home. Why did the mortgage companies plus the appraisers maintain giving me the numbers I wanted? I assume due to the fact they wanted the enterprise. I'd only inform the bank I have to have this to come in at $45,000 or I'm just keeping it financed as is. They always seemed to give me what I wanted inside cause. This entire procedure took 3 to four months throughout which time I may have saved some thousand dollars. Involving the money I saved from my job and my investments and money out refinancing, I had replenished most or all of my funds from my home-equity line of credit that was now nearly back to zero to start the course of action again. And that is definitely exactly what I intended to perform. I used this method to buy 4 to six homes a year utilizing the identical funds to purchase property soon after residence after house again and again once more. In reality, the technique is a no-money down or tiny income down strategy. In the time possibly I had $60,000 in obtainable funds to work with to purchase houses off of my HELOC, so I'd purchase a residence then replenish the money. It was a terrific strategy that was legal, and I could see my dream of being a real estate investor full-time coming to an eventual reality despite the fact that I wasn't there yet. Through the years from 1995 to 2002, the real estate marketplace in Philadelphia produced gradual increases of maybe 6 percent as each and every year went on. I began to track my net worth that was 100 percent equity, which means I had no other types of investments to examine when calculating my net worth. Typically speaking, the first five years of my real estate career didn't go properly as a result of the poor decisions I created buying buildings plus the decline within the industry. Additionally, my lack of know-how and knowledge in repairs created it a rough. The second 5 years of my real estate career that I just finished explaining did not make a lot income either. I supported myself mainly via my career as a salesman, but I could unquestionably see the writing on the wall that down the road real estate was going to become my full-time gig. Realty Experts of America I personal an workplace constructing which has a real estate firm as a tenant named Realty Specialists of America. The corporation has a terrific strategy where a new agent receives 75 percent of your commission plus the broker gets only 25 percent. In case you never know it, this can be a quite great deal, specially for any new real estate agent. The corporation also offers a 5 % sponsorship charge towards the agent who sponsors them on each and every deal they do. Should you bring a person who is a realtor in to the firm which you have sponsored, the broker will pay you a 5 % sponsorship out in the broker's finish in order that the new realtor you sponsored can nonetheless earn 75 % commissions. As well as the above, Realty Experts of America delivers to improve the realtor's commission by 5 % following reaching cumulative commission benchmarks, up to a maximum of 90 percent. Once a commission benchmark is reached, an agent's commission rate is only decreased if commissions within the following year usually do not reach a decrease baseline amount. I at present retain 85 percent of all my deals' commissions; plus I acquire sponsorship checks of 5 percent in the commissions that the agents I sponsored earn. If you'd prefer to understand a lot more about being sponsored into Realty Specialists of America's excellent program, please call me directly at 267-988-2000. Acquiring My Real Estate License A single in the points that I did inside the summer season of 2005 following leaving my full-time job was to produce plans to have my real estate license. Acquiring my real estate license was one thing I generally wanted to accomplish but by no means seemed to have the time to do it. I'm positive you've heard that excuse a thousand occasions. Persons always say that they're going to accomplish one thing soon as they find the time to do it, however they by no means appear to locate the time, do they? I try to not let myself make excuses for anything. So I've created up my thoughts just before I ever left my full-time job that one particular in the first issues I would do was to acquire my real estate license. I enrolled within a school called the American Real Estate Institute for any two-week full-time system to obtain my license to sell real estate within the state of Pennsylvania. Two terrific guys using a world of knowledge taught the class, and I enjoyed the time I spent there. Instantly soon after finishing the course at the American Real Estate Institute, I booked the subsequent readily available day provided by the state to take the state exam. My teachers' suggestions to take the exam immediately immediately after the class turned out to be a superb suggestion. I passed the exam with flying colors and have utilised my license many times given that to purchase real estate and reduce the costs. When you are going to become a full-time real estate investor or perhaps a commercial real estate investor, then you definitely nearly must get a license. While I know some men and women who don't believe this, I am convinced it really is the only way. I worked on one deal at $3 million where the commission for the buyer's real estate agent was $75,000. By the time my broker took a share, I walked with $63,000 commission on that deal alone. Together with the typical cost per year of being a realtor operating about $1200 per year, this a single deal alone would've paid for my real estate license for fifty-three years. To not mention all the other fringe positive aspects like possessing access towards the multiple listing service presented too quite a few realtors within this country. Though you can find other approaches to get access for the a number of listing services or yet another system equivalent to it, a real estate license is a great strategy to go. Several of the negatives I hear over and over once more about possessing your real estate license will be the reality which you must disclose that you are realtor when getting a household if you are representing yourself. Maybe I am missing a thing, but I don't see this as a damaging at all. If you are skilled within the art of negotiation, it is just an additional hurdle that you need to take care of. I suppose you can finish up within a lawsuit exactly where a court of law could assume for the reason that you're realtor you must know all these issues. I do not invest my life worrying concerning the million methods I can be sued any more than I worry about acquiring hit by a car every time I cross the street. The Addict From his very first investment property over 20 years ago to his relentless search for the following terrific deal every day, Falcone is a non-stop real estate investment machine! Get Addicted At times addiction is really a extremely superior thing. Within this book Phil Falcone, the ultimate real estate addict, will show you the way to reach wonderful good results as a real estate investor: Delve into the particulars of actual bargains he negotiated and understand why his approaches were so helpful Learn why his residential to commercial real estate technique will create ultimate wealth Learn how he employed apparent liabilities (OCD, insomnia, and workaholic behavior) to assist him obtain his targets Discover why he can not stop investing in real estate, and how it is possible to get started controlling your own personal economic destiny via real estate Frank, funny and informative, Addicted to Real Estate will inspire any investor to attain larger levels of drive and good results within the rewarding globe of Destin Real Estate .