#put the energy you put into bitching about what OTHER people are doing into creating something you like

[justkending]

It's just a hobby. (Drabble)

Summary: You took up a new hobby, and Dean likes to poke and tease you for it, but you feel the need to seek a little revenge for the constant joking. 

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Word Count: 3300+

A/N: I started this during the summer when I started five different crocheting projects (ADHD carried my summer hobbies) and decided to finish it before school started back up. I am currently still writing Found Memories, but I have to put a pause on it as the first month of school tends to take a lot of my time away from hobbies like writing… I’m moving to teach 8th-grade English this year and could use all the energy you’re all willing to send my way! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this short story, and I’m happy to have the inspiration to write for Dean again :)

(Also, this is the closest to smut I think I've ever written...)

_______

“Seriously?” Dean grumbled as he looked in the rearview mirror seeing me pulling yarn to untangle a knot I had created. 

Knowing where he was going with his normal banter, I just laughed and continued to focus on the craft in front of me. 

“I pulled this out like 20 minutes ago. How are you just now noticing?”

“I’m watching the road,” he argued, and I rolled my eyes. As always, he had been sneaking glances to the back of the cab at me every other minute. “The hunt wasn’t even 40 minutes away from the bunker. Why did you bring that?” 

“Why do you listen to the same three Led Zeppelin songs when you're upset about a hunt?” I countered, and he opened his mouth to disagree, but I answered for him to skip the sarcastic conversation brewing. “Comfort Dean. It’s all about comfort.”

“Why are you so weirded out by a normal hobby?” Sam jumped in, smirking, and sporting one of the many beanies I had made him with said hobby, which he had come to love. He looked down at a newspaper in his lap, no doubt already scoping out a new hunt. 

“It’s not-” Dean stumbled on his answer. “I’m not weirded out by it. It’s just not a hobby I imagine someone like Y/N taking up.” 

“You just described why you’re weirded out by it,” Sam looked at him with a blank stare. 

He ignored him and rolled his eyes. 

“What kind of people do you imagine the crocheting community to be full of?” I smiled, still looking down at my hands and knowing his answer already. 

“Grandmas,” he replied almost immediately. 

“Hmm,” I hummed as if surprised by his confession, even if it was wrong. “Well, if that’s the case, I’ll stop wasting my talents on things for you.” 

I could see his eyes shoot up in the mirror and a look of regret ghost over his green orbs. 

Dean liked to make a big deal about this particular hobby I had started up a little over six months ago. I think a part of him just liked to tease me about it, but deep down, I knew he was proud of my growth. He was just bad at voicing it.

The first things I ever crocheted were just simple squares in different stitch work to learn a variety of them better. Those squares became washcloths and, surprisingly, were still used daily in the kitchen. 

I learned to make bags, socks, hats, sweaters, stuffed animals, and even a few blankets. 

“Just 30 minutes ago, you took down five security guards, wrestled three teenage vampires, and booby-trapped half of his nest. Now you’re crocheting a sweater for Charlie that says, ‘What’s up bitches?’ in the backseat. Mind you, with blood still smeared on your face,” he raised an eyebrow at me in the mirror. 

I looked up and leaned toward the front to get a better look at myself. 

“Oh, shit, I thought I got it all,” I groaned, seeing a smear on the side of my face I must have missed. 

“It doesn’t add up,” he shook his head, but I could see a joking smile on his lips. 

“Much to your surprise Dean, girls can have more than one personality trait. I know you boys are all, ‘Ugh, monsters! Kill, kill, kill! I need a scotch in my hand and The God Father playing on loop in the background to show how manly I-’

“Hey,” Sam cut me off and looked at me with his sad puppy dog eyes. “I’m on your side.”

“You’re right… You also like to read and share fun facts,” I winked, touseling his hair and getting a scoff of a laugh as he swatted my hand away. “See how hurtful it can be when you forget our brains have the capacity to do more than one thing?” I turned back to Dean with my arms crossed on the bench seat in front of me. 

“I don’t think you're incapable of having more than one interest in life; I just think it’s interesting that you chose a 90-year-old women's side gig as your hobby,” Dean countered, pulling into the garage. 

“Well, if you can’t appreciate it, then you can’t have the gifts my hard work creates,” I huffed, gathering my things and sliding back to the door as Dean parked the car.

Once the car was in park, I was the first out. I wasn’t actually mad at him, I was a hundred percent messing with him, but he deserved it for teasing me this long about it when I knew he loved everything I had made him this far. 

He had a favorite blanket that he preferred to sleep with now. He had a nice sweater he wore around the bunker when he was cold. He had a few pairs of socks he preferred over store-bought ones. He even had a miniature plush Batman figurine that sat on his desk that I had learned to crochet just for him.

“Y/N, you don’t mean that!” he called after me, standing in the door on the driver's side of the Impala and shouting over the roof of it where I was walking inside. 

“We'll find out soon,” I yelled back, never turning around. 

The next three days, I teased him like he had me about this whole ordeal, but in my own way. 

When we were cooking in the kitchen or doing dishes, if he grabbed one of the squares that now acted as our kitchen hand towels, I would steal it from his hands and say, “Sorry, merchandise can only be used by those who value it.” 

With which he would respond, “Wait! I need that!” with his hands drenched in water after washing his hands. 

Just for extra measure, I took all the towels and moved them to a new place only Sam and I knew. He was happy to join in on my little prank, and every time he had one, he made sure Dean saw him with it. 

“Where did you get that?” Dean would jump up from wherever he was and march over to him to try and steal it. 

“Only the VIP customers have access to these,” Sam would wave it above his head out of reach of Dean. 

Another time, after a hunt, it was freezing in our motel room, where the heater barely worked, and the hotel didn't have enough blankets. Luckily I had one packed in the trunk of Baby, and I used it for extra coverage.

Even though Dean and I shared a bed, I wrapped it around me as I slept and said, “Sucks that you hate this so much, or else I’d share with you…”

He stared at me with complete annoyance when I gave him an exaggerated “Oh well” face before stealing it all for myself. 

I did, however, wake up to sharing it, but only because he had stolen it, and I was too tired to fight him about it.

I think one of my favorite times I rebuked him of his privileges was when he was wearing a pair of socks I had made him for Christmas around the house. I may have gotten a little more intense than I needed to, but the look on his face made it worth it.

He had come into the movie room to binge a few episodes of a new series I got him hooked on, and after he called me in to watch with him, I noticed the specific socks he had on. 

I grinned once my brain had formulated a plan to make him regret ever giving me hell for a hobby he obviously loved himself.

“Claire said there was a show called Love Island we should watch. I have no clue what it’s about, but she said it was popular and what the kids are watching now,” Dean conversed as he grabbed the remote from the table and stood with a blanket (not one of mine, as I had relocated all of them so he couldn’t find them) around his shoulders. 

He was in the perfect position for my plan. 

I walked over and, instead of facing the TV, stood right in front of him and looked up at him. 

“You know what we could do?” I whispered in a low and sultry voice, bringing my hand up to his chest and inching my fingers up to the collar of his t-shirt before pulling at it gently. His eyes instantly darkened, and he was frozen in his place. 

“Wh-What, uh, what can we do?” he stammered out. Even after three years of dating, he still got nervous. I loved it. 

“I think you know what,” I said, tiptoeing upward to quietly say in his ear, bringing my hand from his chest to the back of his neck, softly pulling him closer to me. 

“I think I have an idea,” he replied more confidently, immediately bringing his free hand to my waist and squeezing it. 

I could have faltered there, but I held strong. I was going to make him pay for all his little ‘grandma’ jokes he had sent my way the last few months. 

I pulled back, sending him a smirk that I knew revved him up. He returned it with his own and started leaning down, forgetting his grip on the blanket and remote. Now both of his hands sat on my hips with a stronghold. 

Before he could lean down any further, I pushed him backward harshly on the couch, and at first, he was shocked, then he was excited. 

Slouched into the cushion, looking up at me, his tongue came out to lick his lips and ended with a bite to his lower lip as he eyed me up and down as I stood over him. 

“Dear God, Y/N,” he hummed under his breath. 

I guess it helped that I was wearing some of my shorter PJ shorts, ones he had told me were his favorites, and a shirt that was cropped and slightly falling off my shoulder.

He had a thing for me being in a disheveled manner like this. Reminded him of how I looked after we fucked around, and he held pride knowing he played a part in the kind of glow I gave off. 

I wasn’t sure how long I could do this without failing myself on the original mission. I came here to fuck with him, and now he was the fucker. Or at least he was going to be if I didn’t follow through with my plan in the next minute. 

“You know, you should be happy you were by the couch,” I smiled, stepping to him and strategically bringing my legs to straddle his hips teasingly. 

His breath hitched at that, and I knew I had regained the upper hand. 

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” he hummed as he admired my hands pressing into his chest as I leaned in, bringing myself closer to him. 

“I was about to take you wherever I found you,” I whispered, looking him dead in the eyes with a soft smile. I looked him up and down and bit the inside of my cheek. That seemed to trigger his hands back to my hips instantly. This time a much more possessive lock on them. 

“I don’t know where this is coming from, but I can’t complain,” he said lowly, and I knew he was hooked. Now it was time for revenge. 

“Can I ask you a question?” I hummed, running my finger lightly over his hair down to his jaw, using the tip of it to push his chin up so I could see his eyes better. 

“Please,” he buzzed, drunk with lust. 

“Hmm,” I hummed, smiling more, dropping my gaze to his lips, then back at his eyes where he was drowning in dopamine by our current position. “Those socks you have on?” He didn’t catch on immediately and just furrowed his eyes as he processed what I asked. “They look familiar.” 

I leaned back from my seat, still straddling his hips, but not with nearly as much pressure as before. 

“What-” Dean started, but it dawned on him mid-thought. His eyes went from ready to tear my clothes off to annoyed realization. “Seriously.” 

“What?” I feigned ignorance and stood up, repositioning myself between his legs, both hands on his knees as I looked at him and leaned over. 

He couldn’t tell which way this was going for him, and that was the point. I was still winning this little game. 

I eased myself lower, squatting with my knees going into the couch and in between his thighs. My hands went flat on his knees and slowly started working up his thighs. 

“I can’t tell what you’re doing here, Y/N,” he said in a breathy voice. I watched as he tried to control himself, looking up away from me but not being able to help react to my hands on him. 

“I’m not doing anything,” I said in a voice that made him lower his nervous wandering eyes back to me. The amount of green in his eyes disappeared slowly. 

“You’re teasing me,” he said shortly as if he was worried his voice would tremble if he didn’t get it out quickly. 

“Maybe, maybe not,” I shrugged with a pursed lip before bringing my hands slowly back down his legs. 

“You’re mad at me,” he stuttered the last word when my hands worked their way back up, but further up than before.

“Now, why would you think that?” I tutted, shaking my head with an exaggerated look of hurt. 

All he could do was take a slow, deep breath in as I tilted my head and smiled devilishly at him.

“Don’t.” 

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t play innocent.” 

I grinned.

“You and I both know I’m far from that…” My tone was darker than before but in a seductive and tempting manner. 

He couldn’t hold back anymore. He shot up from his slouched position and leaned forward, grabbing my forearms in his hands and pulling me up in his lap with his nose mere inches from my own. 

“If your goal was to make me suffer, you won,” he whispered so quietly; if I wasn't this close, I wouldn't have heard it. He tilted his head up just enough for our noses to brush before pulling back. 

“Keep it together, girl… Keep it fucking together,” I repeated in my head. 

“Did I? Or am I just getting started?” I snarked, and that caused the new grip on my thigh to tighten, and I almost groaned at the pressure. 

“Don’t start a war you can’t win,” he smirked, feeling as though he possessed the power. 

Two can play that game. 

I smiled, bringing my free hand up and tracing it behind his ear before wrapping it slowly around the back of his neck. I brought his face closer to mine but stopped right when I could feel the brush of his lips. 

Our chests were pressed into each other, and I could feel his heart rate pick up. Perfect. 

I nudged our noses again and smiled as his eyes closed, and he naturally and lazily chased my lips. 

I rocked my hips in a measured manner, placed perfectly in the middle of his lap, and he sucked in a breath at the friction.

“Women don’t start wars. They finish them,” I whispered before promptly standing up and, in a swift motion, yanking the socks he had on off and walking to the exit. 

“Y/N!” I could hear his shout from the couch from where I knew he was with a full hard-on, unable to move just yet. 

“This granny is going to bed!” I shouted, speed-walking to my room in case he decided to run after me. 

“You little-!” the shout still seemed far behind me, and I quickly shut my bedroom door and locked it. 

Thankfully, I think I left him incapacitated for a second, and he didn’t follow me immediately. 

I actually didn’t hear from him for the rest of the night. I hoped I didn’t upset him, but also, the whole reason I had done what I had was because he had become a little ass about my favorite hobby. I don’t mind the jokes, but after a while, you want a pat on the back for learning something new. Especially from someone you care about. 

I went ahead and did my normal nighttime routine and got into bed before I started to read a book. I must have dozed off while reading because I woke up to the lights out, my book on the end table, and Dean crawling into the other side of the bed. 

Before I could say anything, his arms came around my waist, and he pulled me to his core. He was in his boxers and one of his soft t-shirts I made him wear to bed. 

For the record, I was perfectly fine with him in no shirt (or pants, for that matter), but when he did wear a shirt, I made him put on a certain kind cause his band and certain graphic tee ones were itchy on me when we cuddled. 

He took a deep sigh and nuzzled his face into the crevice between my neck and shoulder, one of his favorite places. 

“Why’d you lock your door?” he asked, already knowing I had woken up. 

He had definitely picked the lock.

“I thought you were going to hunt me down, and I forgot to unlock it,” I replied sleepily. 

There was silence for a minute, and eventually, he spoke up, whispering in my ear his apology. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Why?” I sighed with a winning grin he couldn't see, knowing why but playing coy anyway. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t told you how much I appreciate your brain,” he answered. 

That was not what I expected, but I was intrigued. 

“Hmmm,” I smiled, moving my hands to his that were wrapped around my ribs and nuzzling my backside closer to him. “Don’t stop now; you’re on a roll.” 

He laughed and invited my attempt to fit into him like a puzzle piece.

“You’re ambitious with everything you want to learn to do, and I don’t tell you enough how much of a turn-on that is,” he hummed, rubbing his head into mine and peppering a kiss on my neck here and there. “And I know you know how much I love the skills you gain, but sometimes I’m bad about just saying how impressive you are to me.” 

“You like my crocheting skills, Winchester,” I chuckled, turning my body to face him now and throwing one of my legs over his hips, pulling back in some. “Just say it.” 

“I love your crocheting skills,” he replied with a wide grin and brought a hand up to move the stray hairs that fell on my face. “I love your baking and cooking. I love your impressive TV show-binging skills. I love the random facts you have stored in that beautiful brain of yours. I love your surprisingly nerdy side of Marvel and superheroes. I love your attempt at being a gardener.”

“Hey, I have three plants that are thriving right now!” I argued, poking a finger in his chest, which he grabbed and kissed the tip of. 

“I love everything you’re passionate about,” he finished off. “I don’t tell you enough, and sometimes I like to see that face you give me when I tease you.” I gave him a look. “Maybe more than sometimes… But! I do love all those things and more about you, Y/N.” 

“I don’t doubt it,” I replied, scooting in closer. “But it is nice to hear it from those captivating lips of yours.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

We started smiling at each other, and I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty about earlier. 

“I’m sorry I teased you,” I sighed, moving to where I was embedded in his chest, and he wrapped himself back around me. 

“Don’t be. I deserved it,” he replied, chin on my head before he bent down and kissed the top of it. “I will say, though, I’ve never been mad about seeing that side of you.” 

“What side?” I looked up at him. 

“Don’t act like you didn’t know what you were doing,” he chuckled, pulling my head back to him. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” I agreed after a minute. “Hey.”

“Hm?” 

“You’re my favorite person. You know that, right?” 

“Feelings are very much mutual,” he answered, caressing a hand up and down my back. 

“Good. I’d have to kill you with one of my knitting needles if you said otherwise. Who said needleworking wasn’t dangerous, right?”

My Lovelies Forever:

@natura1phenomenon @lauravicente​ @kakakatey @traceyaudette @notyourtypicalrose  @laneygthememequeen @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @sandlee44 @thorne93 @thefaithfulwriter @marvelfansworld @essie1876 @greyeyedsmile14 @capsiclehan  @xostephanie @averyrogers83 @awesomenursingstudent @gh0stgurl @cs-please @carls1022 @jjlevin @rainbowkisses31 @carls1022 @anise-d-castle6 @deannotmoose @their-bibliophile @kitkatd7 @willowbleedsonpaper @mariaenchanted @snffbeebee @couldabeenamermaid @rebekahdawkins @alyispunk @drakelover78 @caruhleener

Supernatural Tags:

@flamencodiva @hobby27 @sucker-for-dean @deans-baby-momma @squirrelgirl67 @death-unbecomes-you @snffbeebee @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @spnbaby-67 @akshi8278 @musiclovinchic93 @vicmc624 @carryon-doctor-lock @perpetualabsurdity @herscrunchiehairtie @spnwoman @shamelesslydean @monkeymcpoopoo @winchestergirl82 @luciathewinchestergirl @deansyahtzee @thatgirl1456 @sucker-for-dean @atomicloverdonkeyperson @screechingartisancashbailiff @akshi8278 @supernatural3002

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x reader drabble #dean winchester drabble #justkending #spn fanfic #dean winchester spn #dean winchester x you #spn dean winchester #drabble #spn drabble

[chrollohearttags]

rich tech ceo!zeke hcs pls😫

oooh! this is a good one. 😫 Because picture him being a tech CEO with this multi-million dollar company, pursuing (y/n), the owner and founder of a new rising business and him being unable to sway her as easily as all the other women he’s pursued.

cw: black fem reader, zeke being a bit of a narcissist but reader being a badder bitch, alcohol use, sexual content, oral (f. receiving), sub (ish) zeke, hair pulling, smoking

rich tech ceo!zeke is every bit the epitome of the stereotypical CEO and ‘self made billionaire.’ Selling everyone the bootstraps, ‘dollar and a dream’, ideology when in reality, a nice little loan from daddy helped offset his business venture.

rich tech ceo!zeke began his company at only 19 years old, tinkering around with old phones and computers, curating software that would work universally on either device. Doing so while attending some upscale university and trying to figure out a way to decrease his homework load.

upon stumbling across the idea, he worked tirelessly to create programs that would help not only students but professionals as well better manage their time and resources. Instantly thrusting him into the spotlight. Putting him alongside names like Jobs, Gates and Hawking. He was well on his way to notoriety and fame.

rich tech ceo!zeke amassed over five million in his first year and went on to average ten million a year after that. He grew to be among the richest men in the world and even graced Forbes’ 30 Under 30. He was a man of much wealth and high status, believing there’s nothing money can’t buy. Flaunting it all every chance he gets. That is until he comes across (y/n) (l/n).

rich tech ceo!zeke first stumbles across your name when he sees you featured in the same issue special and learns that you’re being deemed as the woman who’s ‘changing the face of business forever’ with your all in one revolutionary app that allows people to shop black owned businesses in one place (think the Miiriya app).

zeke sees this as not only super creative but lucrative as well and wants to see what the fuss is about..he gets his moment when he gets word that you are looking for extra shareholders to invest.

“Set up a meeting with this miss (L/N). I think with the right amount of pressure and incentive, she’ll sell to us entirely.”

rich tech ceo!zeke is met with the shock of a lifetime when he sees the stunning beauty, standing at half his height in a sleek black dress and gorgeous brown skin complexion walking in with a team of lawyers, ready to discuss business. But he can’t keep his eyes off of you.

it’s during this meeting that things become intense and the two of you engage in a heated battle of negations. Throwing subtle slams at one another..

“Well Ms. (L/N), with all due respect..your profits haven’t been nearly as maximized as they could be. With our help, you could have something truly amazing on your hands.” “Well with all disrespect, Mr. Jaeger..I’ve gotten this far without you or anyone else helping me so I have to disagree.”

rich tech ceo!zeke, who’s never had anyone in his life, less known a woman, talk to him in such a way is beside himself. Not only because you matched his energy but that fiery attitude turned him on.

rich tech ceo!zeke knows that your paths have to cross again, even if it isn’t in a business setting. Asking his assistant to set up a dinner for the two of you to further discuss things for his own agenda and is feeling himself when you accept, just knowing that you’d never shoot down someone like him. Not to mention his offer of buying you out for $1.6M

“I figured you’d accept but I'm glad you’re here.” “I'm a very busy woman and my time is very precious, please don’t ever waste it with a bullshit offer like that ever again”

rich tech ceo!zeke quickly learns you’re not going to be easy to crack. But he’s so enamored with you, he keeps trying every underhanded tactic to get your attention. Not just for business but pleasure as well. Until finally, you call his bluff.

“I only deal with real men, Mr. Jaeger. Not sneaky little boys…if you want me or my business, you approach me as such.”

rich tech ceo!zeke, who finds himself in your office of the new high rise building in the city, running a hand up your thighs in a last ditch effort to sweep your innovation out from under you, realizes he’ll have to work a whole lot harder and maybe even grovel a bit. And at this point, he’s desperate because he’s never been told ‘no’ a day in his life.

“I’m sure we can work out some sort of deal, but first, there’s something I need you to do for me.”

rich tech ceo!zeke, who finds himself underneath your desk with your legs spread wide and Giuseppe heels resting on his shoulders as he flicks his tongue greedily around your clit; feasting as you guide his head along with your hand. Even snagging one of his cigarettes from his pocket; igniting it as he eats you out.

“You know, you look much cuter with your mouth shut..”

rich tech ceo! zeke, who can’t believe he’s been all hit reduced to your personal playtoy is so humiliated that he’s begging you but can’t get over how good you taste.

rich tech ceo!zeke, who’ll never be the same after running across you..his rival turned secret lover.

#cherry’s asks 🍒 #zeke yeager x black reader #zeke jaeger x reader #zeke yeager #black fem reader #black reader #aot x black reader #black reader smut #black fanfiction #zeke jaeger #zeke yaeger x reader #zeke aot #zeke drabble #zeke jaeger headcanons #zeke jeager x reader #aot au #zeke jäger #black fanfic writer #zeke smut #zeke jaeger x black fem reader #ugh the thought of making him (y/n)‘s bitch is so pleasing #queued post

[multiversebaddie]

Self Concept: The Ultimate Foundation to Everything

If you want an easy life, reality shifting, and manifestation journey I definitely recommend everyone to work on your self concept. While it is true that it isn't necessary to have a good self concept in order to manifest, dedicating time and energy on your self concept definitely guarantees you an easier time with everything surrounding your life. Self concept isn't only about feeling like a bad bitch, although it is a part of it, it dictates every single aspect of your life. Everything and everyone is you pushed out, which means that everything stems from yourself. As Neville Goddard once said: "Change your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live. Do not try to change people; they are only messengers telling you who you are. Revalue yourself and they will confirm the change."

Having a good self concept is about knowing that you are the creator of your reality, and having absolute confidence within your manifestation and reality shifting abilities. Everything and everyone else is simply a reaction on how you perceive yourself, as either the creator of your reality, or the victim of your reality. You are the operant power of your reality, the sooner you understand this the easier your life, manifestation, and reality shifting journey it will be. When you have a good self concept, you also have full faith and trust that imagination/consciousness/the 4D (aka the mind) is what creates your reality, and is the only real reality. The 3D is an illusion that simply reflects your 4D reality. You stop seeking confirmation from outer sources of the 3D and questioning where your desires are. You'd simply return to your inner world of your imagination for confirmation that you already have your desires/are at your DR. You know that creation is finished, it is done, there's nothing else you need to do as you already have your desire/are at your DR right now. Time isn't real, everything and anything you can think of already exists in your 4D/imagination/consciousness. All you need to do is give it to yourself in your imagination. Manifestation and reality shifting is always instant, you already have your desire/are at your DR the moment you want it. Another thing that happens when you have a good self concept, is you stop putting other people and methods (including the void state) on a pedestal, you put yourself on the pedestal. After all, if you knew you were the creator of your reality, why would you question what method to use to manifest or reality shift? In regards to the void state, it is simply another method within you, it's not an outer source that you need to reach or achieve. You are the creator who ultimately gives the void state the power, not the other way around. With a good self concept, you would understand this and not put importance on the void state and focus on fulfilling yourself in your imagination, the only real reality within you where you already have your desires/are at your DR right now. You would also never take no for an answer, and be brazenly impudent that you have your desires/are at your DR right now, no matter what the 3D shows you.

In my opinion, states and self concept go hand in hand. When you have a good self concept, you instantly shift to the state of the wish fulfilled effortlessly and stay there. The state of the wish fulfilled is where you know you have your desires/are at your DR so there's nothing else you need to do to achieve it. Sounds familiar with having a good self concept?

In order to cultivate a good self concept, there are different things you can do. You can create your own subliminal with affirmations focused on having a good self concept, such as being the creator of your reality, a master manifestor/master reality shifter, knowing/believing/having faith in your manifestation/shifting abilities as the creator of your reality, etc. @mysticbewitched has a good post on how to create your own subliminal. You can also affirm to yourself that you are the creator/God/operant power of your reality and have a perfect self concept. You can also visualise yourself having a good self concept however that would look like to you. You can also simply decide and feel (accept) that you have a perfect self concept, and are the creator of your reality. Simply bask in the acceptance that you are the creator of your reality. It doesn't need to be for minutes it can just be a few seconds of the quiet inner knowing that you are the creator of your reality. How do you feel afterwards? Relieved? Happy? Content? Nothing? All of these feelings are natural. You can use SATS or the lullaby method for a perfect self concept too. Then, persist no matter what. Persist on listening to your subliminal, affirming, visualising, or simply feeling as much as you want to. It's okay and normal to struggle with belief, but this is why persistence is so important. Persistence no matter what guarantees your success and starts to build the faith, acceptance, and knowing within yourself that you are the creator of your reality and confidence within your manifestation/reality shifting abilities.

#self concept #neville goddard #law of assumption #loassumption #manifestation #manifesting #reality shifting #shifting #shiftblr

[ovaryacted]

I saw the messages I got sent in my inbox, thank you guys for letting me know about the plagiarism, I appreciate it really.

Obviously I feel for the OP and I truly do hope that they feel comforted in knowing that there are people who believe them. I genuinely can’t imagine what it’s like to have 20k words worth of something you made stolen like that. I’m heartbroken and angry for them and the fact that it happened twice is so…

At least on my end, I’m angry because Fae (@/kennedyswhore, @/hoeromi) is someone I interacted with frequently, and not only was she someone that inspired me artistically, but she was also someone I considered a friend. I’m just angry about it, and it pisses me off more that people who put so much energy and time into creating something gets stolen from them and gets claimed as someone else’s work with more viability. It’s sick. Please block those pages, she has a few other ones too she uses to stalk other accounts so be on the lookout for things that may be copied over too.

Don’t fucking steal from other people. Just don’t fucking do it seriously. It’s cruel, it’s awful, and you’re a low-life good for nothing bitch if you’re willing to sit down in front of your computer to copy and paste someone else’s work and call it your own. It’s things like that that only result in writers leaving this hellsite and stop posting their writing all together. Fuck you if you do this. If you lack the creative ability to make your own shit, at least live in your truth, cause doing stuff like this is just pathetic.

And of course, if anyone ever EVER finds something that sounds remotely like my stuff, either on here or on any ai chatbot spaces, please let me know. Writers and creators work so damn hard to put out original stuff others want to enjoy for free, so much energy into their work just to have it stolen from them. If you plagiarize, I hope you jump headfirst into fucking traffic.

#don’t plagiarize #don’t steal #don’t be a fucking loser #because eventually there will be no more writers for you to copy off of #you’re actually demented in the fucking head if you do this

[stuckinapril]

i’m finding it so difficult to detach myself and cut off a person who i am very much still in love with but who has repeatedly hurt me and strung me along only to dump me when reality hits and they remember im a real person with flaws and emotions and not some fantasy they created

i’m about to be really mean but this person doesn’t give nearly as much of a fuck about you as you do about them. you’re probably romanticizing them, playing a highlight reel of their best qualities in your head, rewinding all the good moments you might’ve shared w them. meanwhile they weighed your best qualities, replayed your best memories in their head, considered the value you add to their life as a person—and still decided it wasn’t enough and chose to dump you.

this was my biggest blind spot when i was going through things like friendship fallouts or my breakup w my ex. i was like but how can i live without them now!! as if they didn’t choose to severe our connection w their whole chest. you might be like “but they might’ve really struggled to do it” and it’s like okay, but they still chose to go through w it. their reasoning to them was more important than having you in their life, regardless of the tremendous energy and emotion that got expended into the decision. that or it took no energy at all, which just means that they were playacting their care for you and never actually gave a fuck. far more sinister.

from the way you described them, they’re still not mature enough to realize that love is hard work. that it’s not just convenience and feeling good all the time. why do you want someone like that in your life? someone who always goes into fight or flight whenever push comes to shove? not sustainable whatsoever. they literally did you a favor by walking out of your life. they saved you more wasted time and effort and pain that would have no doubt stemmed from their avoidant, erratic, wishywashy nature.

you have to get into the habit of not wanting people who don’t want you, whatever the context. i feel like a bit of narcissism is healthy when it comes to this bc i legit don’t care what a person’s attributes are; to me that’s such a fundamental difference in thinking between us bc i’m the dopest bitch i know. and they still don’t want me in their life ?? like ik what i bring to the table and that would be such flawed, ludicrous logic to me. it just gives me the ick and makes me lose interest in them as a person instantly, even if they were great listeners or had a good music taste or were funny or played the guitar really well. doesn’t matter, they still were shortsighted enough to think a life without me in it was a good choice. romantic and platonic breakups do bother me, simply bc i’m very honest w my love and i genuinely value the people in my life, but these days i’m not hung up on anyone for more than a day bc i will never want someone who doesn’t want me. never never never. i don’t have the compulsive urge to make people who don’t like me like me. i have such a don’t let the door slam you on your way out mentality about it. i’ll simply find someone who’s funny and a good listener and plays the guitar well and still cares enough about me not to dump me when it gets hard. doesn’t have to be one or the other.

also do yourself a favor and don’t fill the gaps for them or try to guess what’s going on in their minds. they dumped you? okay they don’t care about you. they cut you off? okay they don’t care about you. they’re not trying to send you subliminal messages on their ig story about how much they still care—and on the very small chance that they are, you shouldn’t want that. you shouldn’t want someone whose peak effort when it comes to you is posting a sad quote about how lonely they are without actually putting the effort into approaching you, apologizing, owning up to their mistakes. until they actually act on it, their feelings pretty much irrelevant & it’s best to assume they just don’t give a fuck. you don’t want someone in your life who always prioritizes their comfort over maintaining their connection w you. ruthlessly remind yourself of that and move on to someone who doesn’t just give you breadcrumbs, if anything at all.

#as someone who attaches to ppl very fast i totally get u #but it’s been wearing off bc most people really do fucking suck lol #i hope this helps !! i tried to talk to u the way i wanted someone to talk to me whenever i went through things like this #ask

[kandireadstarots]

bad bitch encouragement for the sad girlies

⋆⋆☆⋆⋆

we all need to remind ourselves what makes us strong

⋆⋆☆⋆⋆

pick a pile and let me tell you what is it that you are forgetting about yourself.

pile 1. pile 2. pile 3.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Pile 1:

You are always moving forward in search for your joy and that of others, yet your benevolence might be being taken advantage of by some who don't share this sense of altruism that makes you stronger when you are struggling to see past the deep rooted issues around you that keep you away from achieving your true potential as a sort of guide for those who feel nurtured by your presence.

People want you to forget that your kindness comes from the dominion of the impact negative energy has on you. You have a very well developed emotional intelligence, the fact you don't fight back isn't because of fear, but more so you can preserve a precious energy that you grace those who deserve it with.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Pile 2:

I see that you find yourself in a moment where abundance will come into your life, yet you will take some time when it comes to getting used to it, since its something new that came swiftly. Those who are envious of you will try to belittle your ambition as arrogance. Don't let them. There's nothing wrong with knowing what you're worth, and demanding nothing but it.

Everything that will comes to you as gift, was meant to be yours, and to signify the internal growth you are working to make possible. Your expectations for yourself might be too high at times, be more patient, but don't underestimate yourself like others might do.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Pile 3:

Don't be afraid of your own creative potential, as that is what sets your apart from other on the same run as you. Failure is a part of any path, and you are more than capable to create new ways of showing how strong you really are. Perfectionism is interfering in your way to success. You don't want to disappoint, yet nobody is disappointed anyways.

Allow yourself to put an end to old ways of thinking, without being too hard on them, but more so understanding of the fact that they are your own creation and as a part of you they deserve to be respected and honoured by moving forward and keeping them in your memory, so you can develop your gifts in a more efficient way.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

soooo thats the end of this pick a card reading :) hope it was useful for somebody somewhere. got more questions? would you like a personal reading? check my pinned ;)

see ya arround

xo candy.

#daily tarot #pac tarot #love tarot reading #tarot reading #free tarot #tarotdaily #pick a card reading #pick a pile #pick a picture #tarotblr #witchblr #witchcore #female hysteria #female manipulator #girlblogger #tarot cards #tarot witch

[adviceformefromme]

2023 EAT YOUR HEART OUT.

As we’re approaching a new year, I’m gonna need you hunnies to seriously step things up a notch if you want to bag the life of your dreams in 2023. No more half-arsed manifesting, sometimes-do-affirmations, sometimes-forget. Do you really want that Pinterest board life you’ve been wishing and waiting for or do you want another year watching others thrive while you're stuck on the sidelines? 

Now is the time to get it together once and for all and make 2023 the year of ENVY. And by that I mean you live a life so fucking INCREDIBLE that it would make other people actually hate you. (I know that sounds incredibly toxic, and that’s not the energy we promote, but I got to stir up that fire in your belly so you know we are not coming to play this year). EVERYTHING, and I mean E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G is there on the table for you. Everything you desire. You just need to align with it. It’s truly that simple.

Here are the two steps.

Step UNO. You carve out a minimum of 30 mins of your day, EVERY SINGLE day to get into the flow and FEEL. You’re re-programming all those old raggedy stories in your mind that have been keeping you stuck with a new upgraded 2023 winning version. What are your old stories? What broken record is playing on repeat in your mind holding you back from your dreams? Get crystal clear on what your shackles are and break free from the old you by feeling into your new life. The more you feel into your desires, the more neural connections your brain makes with this feeling and hardwires this into your reality so the 3D has no choice but to respond. 

Firstly, you need a blueprint. You need this written out. This a first person statement of the new version of you. 2023. Go into fine details. Write as much as you can about the new you. How does she spend her morning, who does she spend her days with, how does she feel each day, what car does she drive, how does she deal with conflict, where does she live, write as much as you can. Play some beautiful music as you write, burn a little candle or incense for aroma. This is a pre-new years declaration of the woman you truly are. You need to sign and date it. This little declaration is putting out the new version of you into the universe. You want to keep this safe as this is something you can reflect on when it's time to share your success story.

Secondly you need images, a vision board something you can see everyday that can become hardwired into your brain as your new reality. As you look at the images you need start feeling. Each image should evoke a feeling. And as you visualise and feel, on repeat each day - your mind is creating a path for you. Situations and circumstances will align with what you think and feel. You’ll also have your pain points, feelings that constantly imprison you every time you try to succeed, probably the same feelings and thoughts that have prevented you from winning in 2022 but it’s a new fucking year and you’re about to break free from the old mindset that’s kept you caged for all these years. 

Example: If you’re manifesting love, but every time you meet a guy you feel hurt and abandoned to the point where you are constantly re-playing old stories with new men, you’ll need you to try extra hard in those 30 mins each day to feel the opposite. You need to hardwire the new feelings of being cared for, being loved, feeling safe - everything the opposite of what you currently feel. You need to get so familiar with these new feelings of being desired and chosen by a man so that your whole being is completely flooded with the new story, so much so it completely drowns and suffocate the old tale you've been telling yourself, so it has no space to breathe and plague your new life you’re creating. 

Step DOS: Now, once you're in the driving seat, the universe gonna test your little ass and start sending you signs. You might have an interview for your dream job out the blue. Do you go back to your old basic bitch thinking of ‘oh, I’ll never get that job because I am so stupid I don’t even know why they're interested in me, meh meh meh’ or do you show up as your 2023 baddest bitch of the year and OWN the interview and bag the job? So look out for the signs and tests. And remember when you’re being tested your old programming is gonna want to re-emerge with new strength even though you been drowning those old thoughts. But the test here is how much do you truly love yourself, how much effort are you prepared to put in to OVERWRITE the old story? As you get tested GO HARD on the FEELINGS you desire. IGNORE the 3D. If you’re getting rejected from jobs PERSIST. If you’re attracting low effort guys, PERSIST with your dreams of love, do not settle. Again for those who didn’t hear in the back THE 3D MEANS NOTHING, persist with your desired feelings. It's like playing Mario Cart and you need to get to the next level. Break free from the old story with the new programming to get to your next level.

FINAL NOTE: 

There are so many different ways to FEEL your desired state, to tap into your desires. Visualisation, subliminals, scripting, guided meditation, journaling, Pinterest boards, affirmations, recording yourself and playing a loop, dancing and visualising, whatever works for you stick with it and repeat. It doesn’t matter how you start to FEEL your desired state, the most important thing is that you dedicate time each day to FEEL. You want to hardwire your new feelings into your brain so they become your new autopilot. So you automatically feel your desired state, day in day out. I promise you the more you do this, the more the 3D will have no choice but to reflect your new inner reality. Your outer world will reflect your beautiful inner world you’ve created. So now it’s on you. Do you really love yourself enough to make the effort to make 2023 the year of DREAMS COME TRUE? 

#manifestmoney #magnetize #manifesting #manifestyourreality #self healing #2023challenge #2023manifesting #levelup #levelupjourney #lawofattraction #hypergamy #levelup confidence lawofattraction powerofthemind #growthmindset #manifest #manifestingmindset

[not-goldy]

just because he sings all JMs songs on his live- to promote his music to his unique fans, boost his reach, generate sales from the free ad and marketing- doesn't mean he supports him."

LMAO NO WAY you really think jungkook put jimin's songs out to a bigger audience? how insulting wow. i see now you are one of those jikookers who think jungkook is the bigger artist between the two right... right... how could i forget those stream increases after those handful of lives (never happened btw nice reach jungkook!) or how it boosted jimin's sales (never happened again) no you're right so kind of superstar jungkook to help poor jiminie lmfao give me a break. honestly a shame god free jimin from the likes of you

Screech like a pterodactyl all you want numbers don't lie. And i know you are dumb but Unique fans simply means, in marketing terms, fans of Jungkook who are not fans of Jimin or BTS.

You, as a solo, will count as a unique fan of Jimin while I by virtue if being both Jk Stan and Army as will not count as Jm's unique fan even if he's my bias because I fall within the intersect on the fan venn diagram.

Common sense, should tell you- you don't need to be a marketing expert for this- cross promoting eachother to eachother's unique audience is good for business. If not, hybe wouldn't spend so much money building a platform like Weverse using BTS's massive fan base as leverage and even sometimes deliberately sending notifications of other groups to us acting like it was an accident.

Since they have the same fans, there would be no need for any BTS member to show up on Suga's shows to promote nothing yet here we are- does that make Suga a bigger star than Jimin or Jungkook or any member he features on his show?? Are you stupid?

You are wrong and you know it. Your toxic ass tryna create drama but no one's falling for it mate 😹

I'm glad you enjoy my emojis and gifs- they are cute aren't they😊

Now take your attention seeking drama queen crown off to the misery lounge and bitch complain to the other miserable folks in your band.

You will sit here and complain about Jimin not being pushed and supported and given the same treatment as Jungkook yet turn around puffing your chest out alleging Jimin is bigger and needs no damn support from no one let alone Jungkook.

Choose a struggle. Choose a narrative and stick with it. If JM is big and powerful and successful all on his own why the hell does he need assistance from anyone at all?

And I agree he doesn't need Jk's assistance. What is that going to do for him? Why give Army and Hybe trouble for focusing their energies and resources on the poor helpless ones with the actual problems who need help and support from fans and the company?

Since Jimin got his degree and he knows everything- don't you think it makes sense why Jungkook should be pushed and supported by well everyone? Poor Jungkook he needs to be pushed to be put on the same scale as his successful hyung because he is lacking.

Guys like share and comment Jungkook needs all the help he can get

And turn out your pockets we need money for studio

While we are at it the Pride fight for love shirts are out

Let's do our thing and sell out. We need the money to buy handcream. And keep streaming to keep him on bb🥂

Yall keep setting Jimin up it's crazy

If he wasn't my bias, I wouldn't even want to mention him post him or talk about him to avoid attracting lunatics like you.

Makes a lot of sense why Big OT7s stay far away from Jimin. His solos are toxic as fuck.

And to think, we show random kpop idols love just because BTS mention them or talk about them.

Too many of us had no choice than to accept Jikook just because Jimin fucks with jk. We all have our own ship preferences and yet here we are.

Not long ago I had my own people call me out for supporting Taemin when he'd been accused of making colorist remarks. I could Stan the devil if Park Jimin smiled at him just once. It's crazy the vitriol and hate towards Jungkook even though he's Jimin's favorite- a fact he's made known and iterated over and over.

Naa Jimin, it's time to put timberland boots in the guts of some of your so called Stans. They can't call themselves your stans and hate your family it's crazy.

And I used to hate Army for hating on Jm stans and solos but godamn I'm gonna have to jump on that bandwagon.

Free Jimin from Me, Mr Jimin will pick me choose me over your pathetic ass any day. Wanna bet?

Talking bout yea Jungkook did all that for Jimin but it was in the pandemic years ago- well Hobi went to support him eons ago what's up?

Jk sent trucks to his friends a while ago. So what's your point?

Jimin earned BBs months ago what's your point?

Hybe abused and traumatized him years ago, what's your point?

Nothing you say matters hereon, from your own logic, since they happened years, months, weeks, days, hours and minutes ago- so again what's your point bringing any of them up?

You're gonna act like you know shit when we only know what these men CHOOSE TO MAKE PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE.

Imagine judging someone by the little to no knowledge you have of him and what he does behind the scenes.

Not too long ago he was an asshole and fuck boy with zero social skills- now suddenly he's the model friend sending out trucks and buying jewelry for his friends??

YOU AINT SHIT

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

Mars In The First House: Go get em Tiger!

Power exudes off of you right when you enter the room. Everyone is turning their heads to the swift movements of another individual with their hot & fiery energy. When they see you, they wonder what it is that makes you stand out from the crowd. You have a wild force that is driven from the passionate energy that you contain. When you are fully in your power, your confidence shines and we cant help but want to see more of it. The phoenix who stays on top & never burns out. We love to hate you, & hate to love you.

Mars first house individuals control the rooms when they walk in, similar to their plutonian friends due to their sheer force of making everyone move out the way. Their auras are shields who cut through other peoples veils like a hawk. Nothing surely gets passed them as they have a knack for getting to the bottom of what meets their eye. They don't care if you dont like them, they know it gives them a drive to succeed. The fact that people hate them gives them all the power they need to make their dreams & efforts come to fruition because it brings more energy and attention their way. So they boast about it and make sure nobody sees them sweat.

Powerhouses in the flesh, they can create their world by taking the first steps of making it happen. Mars in the first house teach you to be a leader for yourself before letting others do it. These people cannot be controlled, and would like it if they could do things their own way. There personal power is also connected to their sex appeal, and this makes people hot and bothered. People may come out and say ridiculous things about them, but it is only do to envious and intimidation.

They may have had a moment in time where it seemed like the world hated them, like out of the blue people came in droves to shove it in their face about how their not likable. Honestly they could of had their own hate train going on but eventually worked out in their favor. Because at the end of the day, its all because they wanna take you down ;) And you always get back on top like the phoenix you are baby.

Its like these beings are on a mission & are here to conquer what ever it is they put their minds to. They are very quick on their feet and can learn something fast if its something their passionate about. Lots of working out/physical activities is vital for these creatures to awaken that life force in their veins.

Creators of the vortex, they can and will go days without eating to finish up the things they love and care about. Honestly, this brings them enough energy to finish the goal quicker. Sometimes 'fasting' makes things go 'faster' in their lives because of that 'hunger' for life. Sometimes these placements like to hash out with others a bit and honestly its necessary to show the world who's the boss. You can't bitch them, so dont try it. I would say their 'fighting for their life' however they always make sure to win because of their sheer confidence and boast of power that keeps them wanting to beat their opponent. They should always keep a victorious mindset as it will always bring them benefits. Staying confident is the best way for their energy and this placement to be at its strongest and at its highest potential.

All in all, these placements holders are going to win your hearts wether you like it or not.

;)

#Mars in the first house #mars in the 1st house #astrology theories #astrology thoughts #astrology #vedic astrology #tropical astrology #mars aspects #astrology girls #mars theory by deja

[sixthwater]

no what do you mean i didn't impulsively get this idea and then fuck over my sleep schedule to do it Hi :) I like music. So I did this. That's it.

This is a very quick personality like pac and the way this is going to work is, I viewed you as if you were a song (pretty straight-forward) so the questions that were asked were:

Q1: Overall Theme (Archetype & Divine Tarot) Q2: Mood of the Song (Astro Oracles) Q3: Type of lyrics (Affirmators)

This is not my normal in depth readings (even though some piles tried to be) but I hope you still enjoy it.

(Left → Right / Pile 1 → Pile 5)

Decks Used: Archetype Oracle, Tarot of the Divine, Arcana of Astrology Oracle, claves astrologicae, Affirmators!

Disclaimer | Pinned | Paid Readings

Pile One

Transformative songs. You let every situation you encounter fully consume you and spit you out as someone else — not completely different, but more experienced. Your songs don’t shy away from your faults, they toss they into the spotlight actually. They inspire you to create and motivate you to change, as well as to help others through tough times. Your songs can seem a bit negative, especially if you pay attention the lyrics, but they’re supposed to be comforting. They remind me of those songs that have a very soft melody while the lyrics are talking about how much of a wreck their life is, or how at the end of it all nothing matters. You spill your thoughts, they’re on full display for others to take comfort in the fact that they’re not alone with those worries or troubles. You also don’t wallow in your pain either. You’d express that it’s okay to show moments of vulnerability, and when you’re ready, you have the ability to stand up and face your fears to overcome challenges you thought you’d never overcome. You’d probably find yourself sitting in people’s motivational or safe place playlists.

(for some it’s just the tempo, for some it’s the lyrics) Songs: Catastrophe – Forever The Sickest Kids, I’m Not Okay But I Know I’m Going To Be – Raleigh Ritchie, Masterpiece Theatre I – Marianas Trench, As Good As It Gets – Set It Off, if we never met – John K, Only You – Ellie Goulding, Strangers Like Me – Phil Collins

Pile Two

Before I fully get into this, Golden by Fall Out Boy keeps standing out to me. It’s not really going to be like the rest, but it feels more like a catharsis underneath it all; like ‘I’ve ruined so many things, I’m putting on a brave face like it’s okay but it’s not’ type of deal. It’s funny too because I wasn’t done wrapping up Pile One and this pile was trying to grab my attention, and look at your cards lol. So anyway. This pile reminds me of Saucy Santana, Lizzo, or a few other specific songs that I’ve found on the BBE playlist. Very light-hearted but in your face. It also feels a bit defensive or protective of it’s own energy like some of Meg’s recent songs (I’ve only heard a snippet of some so I might be wrong). All the artists I’ve listed so far are either mainstream or they’re popular on tiktok so that’s also a vibe I guess. Overall, there’s the theme of doing what you want when you want, regardless of what people say. I can see some lyrics in there that would be seen as ‘firing back’ at others as well when there’s critique. I don’t know why this feels like a celebrity reading all of a sudden lol. It really reminds me of Lizzo though because as much as I enjoy her sometimes there’s this feeling of subtly being on the defense and being very loud about your personality and going ‘yeah I’m that bitch’ even when no one really asked. Now getting back into Golden from earlier: there will definitely be some breaks within this projection. If it’s not ‘I’ve ruined some things with how I’ve acted’, it’s a sense that your inner pain seeps through and you need to let it out, and people don’t expect that much hurt from someone who is so outwardly strong.

(for some it’s just the tempo, for some it’s the lyrics) Songs: Golden – Fall Out Boy, Material Girl – Saucy Santana, Set Off – Hey Monday, Hide&Seek – Namie Amuro, All You Wanted – Michelle Branch, Everybody Dies – Kim Petras, One Of Me (feat. Elton John) – Lil Nas X

Pile Three

Ugh, I get it parents just don’t understand. Quick note, struggled to control getting your cards. Very explosive, loud, innocent and childlike sort of. Very reflective of the cards I’m seeing, this quick pick a card is just turning into a normal one you guys. This pile is pretty straight-forward so it might be a little short. Loud in showing up for other people who come from broken homes or troubled childhoods and helping them own their own colors. Showing them that they’re not the problem, they’re not outcasts, they’re fine just the way they are. Music is loud, something to purge emotions to, but also somewhat playful sometimes. It’s reclaiming your childhood. Opening up about a shitty past and seeming like a ‘light’ for those who seek that comfort, while also showing that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel (with the bad comes the good). Coming to terms with the past through creation. There are minor similarities with Pile One but the delivery of it is vastly different.

(for some it’s just the tempo, for some it’s the lyrics) Songs: Walking Disaster – Sum 41, Pop Punk Pizza Party – Sunrise Skater Kids, Dani California – Red Hot Chili Peppers, Your Star – Evanescence, I’m Not Okay (I Promise) – My Chemical Romance, Dangerous – Set It Off, No Parallels – Hands Like Houses

Pile Four

Okay, very interesting combination of cards guys. Finally got my love song pile though. I believe there might also be a mix of just feel good songs though too, but definitely more romance songs. It feels more like pining at times, or songs that describe their ideal partner. Some of you will be in that pool, while the other group of you are in the batch of expressing how much of a catch you are. What’s interesting is that I’m not getting any songs that are in the typical mood of love. They’re all intense and grungy, or not about love period. Which I think this page of pentacles is attributing to. Aaahh it’s reminding me of Taylor Swift a bit lol. This is. Objective. It feels like a very dreamy and idealized perception of what love is, to the point of being taken advantage of. When that happens, there is a lot of aggression and vengeance that pops out because the emotions would be poured out into the song. I’m only really familiar with one song so there might be a better song but yeah. It’s essentially like, the highs are high and the lows are low. Very emotional music and can absolutely make people feel things, kind of like Lana Del Rey (I just have to trust others on that one, also don’t listen to her haha). Yeah oh my god all the music I’m getting is intense as hell lmao I was expecting some of my softer sweeter music to come through but everything so far is heavy. For songs that aren’t romantic, it’s about not growing up in a sense, like not losing your innocence or seeing the world through your pure eyes and being very adamant about it. None of that ‘nice guys finish last’ bullshit. Yes it can get you into hurtful situations, but you’d never give up that quality of yours, and you base your music around it, because part of this pile feels more of like a personality reading.

(for some it’s just the tempo, for some it’s the lyrics) Songs: Gashina – Sunmi, Afraid – The Neighbourhood, Bad Blood – Taylor Swift, Louder – Roselia, GONE, GONE / THANK YOU – Tyler, The Creator, 2 Soon – keshi, Run the Show (feat. Don Omar) – Kat DeLuna, Decided to Break It – Marianas Trench

Pile Five

Okay Aquarius. Your songs stand out in a crowd, but they’re also a reflection of you mental and emotional state. As well as your opinions on the state of the world. It’d be very easy to go back and check on where you were at in your life by cycling through your albums. I can see a lot of distinct sounds in your music. It doesn’t have to be weird or off-putting, but compared to the artists that would be within your circle (if you really belonged to one), you would definitely not blend into the background very easily. I can see your emotions not coming through so easily within your music, but your viewpoints or reactions to things? That’s immediately pinpointed, maybe even presented on a silver platter with the theme. Feeling kind of like how My Chemical Romance with their stories and themes, but specifically for you I’d say Danger Days. Not the song, but those topics specifically. I do sense that maybe your music may have impulsive reactions without the full truth which can cause some chaos, since it’s fueled by your emotions or slight insecurity (caused by constant scrutiny or criticism) — so your reaction might be a bit intense since you hold your emotions back within your music so it seems like the response is out of balance. Your music would probably be an outlet for a lot of unspoken thoughts or feelings though, hence the prominent ‘new phase and transformation’ or ‘time for clarity’ cards. Through this, you can figure yourself out and do some spring cleaning. I do feel that sometimes you might just say shit or run with rumors about you for fun because people should be able to do some research and not believe everything they hear or read, and that might cause a little bit of trouble as well. It’s like ‘oh everyone says I’m a drama queen so yeah you know what they’re absolutely right the theme for this song is that I’m 100% hard to please’ and people take you seriously lol.

(for some it’s just the tempo, for some it’s the lyrics) Songs: Courage – P!nk, Villain – Stella Jang, Creepshow – Kerli, Cyber Stockholm Syndrome – Rina Sawayama, Two Princes – Spin Doctors, Haunted House – DBMK, Too Much – Carly Rae Jepsen, Robot Rock – Daft Punk, My Own Dance – Kesha

#pick a card #pick a card reading #pac #tarot #tarot reading #tarotblr #mysticalcreations

[foxymoxynoona]

Tell Me What Changed (Pt. 6)

Banner and lines by the talented @awrkive

Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood –actual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if he’s in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much… not that. Which is fine and doesn’t matter! Until Jimin’s impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook can’t believe what happens next.

Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC

CW and tags: fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else

Read on AO3 here or below

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter

“We should be swing dancing to this,” Jungkook said low near Alex’s ear, his thumb pressing in to reduce the noise so she could hear his voice through the music.

She did not return the trick, just laughed as she pushed him away and shouted, “You don’t fucking know how to swing dance!” He scowled, frustrated he couldn’t grab her hand and push and pull her away to somehow prove he was in fact a swing master. He wasn’t; he knew the same three steps she did, which they’d exhausted at school dances when they were younger. She was the perfect height for spinning because he didn’t elbow her in the face like he did with every other girl he tried it with. He always ruined it by pretending he was going to lift and toss her and then she’d screech and grab onto his arm like a cat you were trying to put in a bathtub.

“Son of a bitch!” they shouted along with the music. “Get me a drink!” They didn’t know this opener band, Nathaniel Rateliffe and the Night Sweats, but the hook was easy to pick up, and the music had that upbeat dancy feel that got the job done at getting the audience pepped for the headliner. The next song was slower but Jungkook still felt his heart locked in, swaying his shoulders, bumping into Alex on one side and Jimin on the other. He didn’t even know this band and yet the guitar riffs and steady bass had the effect live music always did, making it feel like the world shrank away to him right here, right now, inside himself. Alex there with him.

And Hoseok on her other side, his hand tucked into hers. And their friends and Alex’s sister having their own feelings further down the row –but they were out of sight, out of mind for the time being, partly thanks to the assigned seating that created some order to the energy, all of them in their spaces like ducks in a row. Even Jimin faded in and out, sometimes bumping against Jungkook’s arm, other times leaning against In’am who looked bemused by the whole show. 

Once upon a time they would have been down in the pit, but these days Jungkook wasn’t any more interested in it than Alex and it hadn’t even been considered for the show. Balcony all the way. They’d done their time down there when they were younger, working out a system for survival. For years Jungkook had taken up position behind her at shows, chest to back, arms poised to ward off any infringing on her space whether it came from the left or right. He threw a mean elbow when someone threatened Alex’s personal space. Sometimes it was a little fun when someone got pushy and he got to push him back; they’d glare at him as if he was the threatening one and then Alex would go off on them about being such an invasive asshole. Jungkook didn’t love having people crushed on him either, but Alex could literally get crushed! He’d liked the energy of the pit in high school but he was grown now, mature. It was cool to be able to sit whenever you felt like it even if he’d never do it while a band was playing, out of respect if nothing else.

Besides, even if they’d been in the pit, it wouldn’t have been Jungkook’s job anymore. Hoseok would have been her guard. Jungkook wondered how he would have done at it. He was too polite! Jungkook was an asshole, the perfect guard. But Hoseok would probably do his best, and maybe he had secret reserves to pull out… or something. Probably in some more mature way than throwing elbows or flexing his jaw threateningly. He’d like, befriend people or something, throw his arm around them and the whole pit would just sway together. 

Hoseok had bent down to whisper something into Alex’s ear, so Jungkook leaned the other way to see what everyone else was doing. Their friends seemed mixed on the opener. Jimin and In’am were standing, nodding along, calmly listening like they were making a study of the audience. Rebekah looked into it. Namjoon did not, face reflecting the light of his phone. Minxi, on the other side of Rebekah, was hard to tell, but she seemed to be humoring whatever May was saying beside her. May had invited herself along but since she’d been the one to tell Alex about the concert in the first place, they hadn’t felt like she could say no –Alex had told Jungkook all about it when they’d been buying the tickets, back before May and Hoseok had even met. Jungkook didn’t really care either way but Alex had been pissed it meant introducing Hoseok before she wanted to, and Jungkook felt a little smug about the fact she had any hesitation whatsoever. Jungkook was desperate to know what May thought, but knew he was unlikely to get a serious answer. 

Besides, what opinion could she formulate from the opposite end of the row? Jungkook was only two people down and not sure he’d be able to pull off his own secret operation: prove to Hoseok he was non-threatening. He’d even considered sitting on the other side of Hoseok for the show but couldn’t bring himself to do it. At a concert, Alex was who he wanted to be standing and dancing and singing along next to. 

Shit. Did that mean he’d already failed? How was he supposed to convince Hoseok he wasn’t any threat to their relationship when he wanted nothing more than to take Alex all for himself? When secretly, deep down, he was hoping they’d hurry up and break up already, even if it hurt her in the short term…

But he wouldn’t be the one who caused it, he was certain of that. That was why he wasn’t a threat, because he wasn’t willing to risk losing what he still had of her on the slim chance she reciprocated his feelings –but not enough to break up with her boyfriend. Like, that sucked. He’d still take that, being her second choice, but he didn’t think he even had a shot at that. It was clear she didn’t reciprocate his feelings. Maybe he hadn’t realized his feelings until too late, but Alex had only started dating Hoseok a few months ago, if she’d harbored anything for Jungkook, he would have known, and probably it would have helped him realize his own feelings sooner. She hadn’t. So all he could accomplish by trying to come between them would be Alex hating him. That was the worst result; they’d both be hurting. At least this way…

At least this way, Alex was happy because she had her best friend and her boyfriend on either side of her as she sang her heart out –endearingly badly but Jungkook loved that about her– to the bands playing. At least this way, only he was hurting. And not that bad, right? Nothing was really different right now except that he had to overthink everything he did with her to make sure it wasn’t something that was going to threaten her apparently easily-threatened boyfriend. The only thing that sucked was that he had to watch someone else get to do all the things he wanted to do with her.

Like last time they went to a concert, he had thrown his arm around her shoulder and they’d sung together. Hoseok did that this time, though he wasn’t singing, just swaying and smiling because Alex was so into it. He didn’t seem as quick to figure out the lyrics as Jungkook and Alex were, and he wasn’t familiar with the headliner band which was kind of a shame, that he hadn’t studied up, but at least he’d come to support Alex. That was… nice. But like who the fuck didn’t know Kings of Leon!? 

This was the new normal. And Jungkook needed to prove he could be cool about the new normal. He had to lock himself into the new normal because it’s not like the old normal would work anymore anyway. Maybe, he considered, this was actually better that if Alex wasn’t going to hold his wrist while he was the one with his arm draped around her shoulder and his nose stuck into her hair (ok, maybe Hoseok gave her a kiss? Jungkook used to do that just to smell her shampoo), she at least was happy doing that with someone else. Maybe this was actually better than if Alex let Jungkook do those things but they meant nothing to her even in the absence of someone else doing them for her. It would be pathetic for him to secretly pine for his best friend who didn’t have any interest in him like that. He’d never do that! He wouldn’t do that now. He had to work on getting over it, and her having a boyfriend who kissed her nose before he went to piss was a good tool to help him get over whatever his silly little stupid love feelings were for her.

Or at least it would be. 

Someday.

Eventually he’d figure out how to see her smile after a nose kiss and not feel a grumble in his chest because obviously he would just chomp her whole nose to make her wrinkle it up and hit him in the stomach and then he’d steal a real kiss while he was hunched over coughing for breath and then maybe she’d feel bad and caress his face–

Ah. No she wouldn’t. The problem with fantasizing about your best friend when she didn’t want you that way was that it ran the risk of breaking your heart. And Jungkook was not into that idea. No heartbreak here! Yeah, it sucked he was in love with Alex and it wasn’t returned, and he had realized it too late to even try and convince her to give it a try. But… it’s not like he would have done that anyway. He fucked, he didn’t feel. Usually relationships didn’t work out and he’d seen enough of his friends go through heartbreak to know he wasn’t interested in it. And it would have the added risk of losing him his best friend? Nah, man, keep it.

Honestly, he thought he was being incredibly mature about the whole thing. Yes, he was watching to make sure Hoseok deserved her and as soon as he saw proof that the guy didn’t, he’d be quick to do… something. Not sure what, and for now it didn’t seem to matter because Hoseok just continued to seem mostly annoyingly awesome. And Alex continued to seem mostly annoyingly happy. And the most annoying thing was that Jungkook was being conservative with that “mostly.” 

Alex was happy. And he loved her enough to be glad she was happy. Especially when there was zero indication she wanted him to be the one to make her even happier. Maybe he couldn’t. Maybe this was the only thing he could do to contribute to her happiness. Just stay the fuck out of the way.

Fuck. He was glad the opener started a feeler-song at the right moment to distract him from that path of dark wallowy thoughts he refused to look at. Wallowy wasn’t hot. Pussy game was definitely going to take a hit if he seemed like he was pining for some girl– wait, but would chicks find it endearing? Could it get him more pussy? 

He felt kind of numb to the idea though. He didn’t want pussy right now, shockingly. He wanted to close his eyes and smile at the swell of music. And since he couldn’t take Alex’s hand, he reached out and ruffled her hair instead.

She, predictably, punched him on the arm, and laughed, “It’s so good!” Energy matching his. Of course it did. Because they matched! 

Hoseok reached out to fix the strands of her hair that Jungkook had mussed.

Was he crazy to feel like there was something intentional to that? Hoseok had seemed casual when they’d arrived, polite, but Jungkook felt watched. Shouldn’t he at least trust Alex that things were fine, even if he didn’t trust Jungkook?

Jungkook wanted to ask Jimin if he got that feeling too, but worried that would mean explaining the whole incident to him. He had told no one. He didn’t want to ask Alex either in case it upset her. So instead, when the opener stopped and they had the awkward amount of time to hang, Jungkook reached over Alex’s head and asked nudged Hoseok to ask,

“Hey, wanna go get some beers?”

“We should go pee before Kings start,” Alex suggested, completely ruining his plan. He should have known though, that pea-sized bladder of hers. He’d had to whisper-catch her up in movies how many times when she couldn’t hold it any longer and had to waddle-run to piss? Sometimes he jokingly did it at concerts too, just long enough to annoy her as he sang the wrong song over the one currently being played to catch her up on the songs she’d missed.

“Are you going to the restroom?” In’am asked, leaning around Jimin and Jungkook both. Further down the line, Jungkook could hear this echoed like birds on a telephone wire. 

So they all went. The whole fucking line of their friends, kindergartners on a fieldtrip to the restrooms, weaving through the crowds of people doing the same. Sometimes at shows, depending who they were seeing, the women’s bathroom had a much shorter line and Alex was almost through the snack line by the time Jungkook finished up and went to find her, but this time the audience was pretty even and Jungkook was through the bathroom in a breeze.

Hoseok conveniently beside him.

Before anyone else could join them, Jungkook elbowed him, “Hey, let’s get some beers before we head back. We won’t want to leave again once the band starts.”

Hoseok looked confused but followed Jungkook away from the restrooms, only mentioning once they were in line, “Alex said she didn’t want a drink.”

“What, telepathically?” Jungkook laughed.

“No, before we came here. She doesn’t want to have to leave the show for a bio-break.”

Bio-break. Jungkook briefly saw red. Bio break. Fuck, what a corporate goon– and the insinuation that Jungkook didn’t know all about her biological need! He’d been going to shows with her since Hoseok was in business school or whatever impressive thing he’d done for college.

“Yeah, bladder the size of a pea, amiright?” Jungkook laughed. He didn’t like the way Hoseok’s brow furrowed and his head tilted so he instinctively hunched his shoulders and lifted his hands to shadowbox the moment into a more playful one but just as quickly realized that if things were already awkward he might as well cut to the chase.

“Hey–” He began just as the crowds behind Hoseok jostled him right into Jungkook. He stepped fully on Jungkook’s Docs, the very ones he’d found thrifting with Alex when they were hunting for things for their apartment. They weren’t the Prada ones he’d had his eye on for years but you couldn’t go wrong with Docs. These things would outlive everything, even Hoseok stomping on them. 

“Ah, sorry sorry,” Hoseok said, looking flustered as he righted himself. “It’s so crowded!”

“You don’t go to shows often?”

“Ah, no, not really… the last one I went to was Lady Gaga.”

Jungkook just nodded and refrained from commenting. Not that there was anything wrong with liking Lady Gaga! Would Alex have fun at a Lady Gaga show? Probably, as long as there were seats and she didn’t get crushed. Lady Gaga was fine. He could go to a Lady Gaga show with Alex if she really wanted to–

Off track. The line shuffled forward and Jungkook saw the heads of their friends in the distance, so it was now or never.

“Hey, just want to level with you,” he rushed out, leaning close so as not to attract eavesdroppers around them in line. “I already worked it out with Alex but I know she told you about uh, the stupid thing I did while I was drunk.” Hoseok’s eyebrows lifted. Jungkook didn’t know what that meant but it annoyed him anyway. Quickly he added, “It was a mistake, it’s never happened before, it won’t happen again. Don’t want you to think I’m trying to steal her away or anything.” 

“Ah, I see.” Hoseok pursed his lips and nodded.

“Yeah. So… yeah, that’s all. You don’t need to worry about me. I get plenty of tail, Alex isn’t like that.”

Hoseok looked up like he was trying to make sense of the very normal thing Jungkook had said. That annoyed him too. But he swallowed that down and smiled and clapped Hoseok on the shoulder.

“OK? Cool. Sorry I kissed your girlfriend, man.” He grinned, even laughed as he said it, to seem casual. “Congrats on that, though!” Damn it was getting hot in this crowd of bodies. A cold beer was sounding really good now.

“On… Alex’s kissing technique?”

Jungkook swiped the hair back beneath his bucket hat and shrugged, “Yeah or whatever, on dating her. I meant it like good for you, not for me, you know? Things don’t need to be awkward between us because I’m not competition. She’s basically my sister.”  

“I know.” Hoseok smiled as he said it. Jungkook bristled. Wait, was Hoseok a total dick?! The impulse to grab Hoseok’s shoulders and shout actually I know everything about Alex, more than you can ever hope to catch up to; I love her better and more and longer than you are capable of; the only thing that keeps me from being your competition is that I respect her choice, even if I don’t like it was hard to resist. But no, even that monologue wouldn’t satisfy; what it really made him want to do was prove he was steep competition. He wanted to prove he could steal Alex with one hand tied. He wanted to make Hoseok regret saying that. 

But this was one challenge Jungkook would not rise to. It’s about Alex, it’s about Alex, it’s about Alex, he repeated to himself. Alex wasn’t a Ninja blender or a Slushie machine or a fuzzy slingshot monkey he could win with tickets. Alex was a person and his best friend.

Now if Hoseok wanted to turn out to be an asshole and crash and burn on his own and Jungkook could just sweep up the pieces from his moral high ground, he would jump at the opportunity! 

But Hoseok might beat him at that game too, because he now clapped Jungkook on the shoulder and insisted, “I’m glad you two worked it out. She said everything is good and she’s a strong woman with her own mind, right? She tells it like it is! I know she’d be sad to lose you as a friend. Ah, here, let me buy your beer.”

“No man you don’t have to do that,” Jungkook insisted as they reached the counter.

“Hey, why didn’t you wait for us?” Jimin called up the line from where he stood near the back.

Jungkook laughed and waved his hand like there was some joke Jimin should understand, hoping to pass it off. Scrambling to think of a cover for why he’d gone off with Hoseok, it confused him at the point of ordering, which meant Hoseok wound up paying for his beer, and a soda for Alex, and a glass of wine for himself.

Jungkook found that an interesting beverage choice for a concert but all right. He didn’t say anything because apparently Hoseok thought Alex had meant she just didn’t want beer, when Jungkook knew she would have meant she didn’t want anything to drink. She was going to end up with a UTI, dehydrating herself like that. But if Hoseok brought her a soda she might feel compelled to drink it and– ah, ok, he might very cleverly be doing a kind boyfriend thing, even if she fussed about having to run to piss at least once during the set.

They headed back, Jungkook swinging by to tease the others about taking too long to piss. It meant he walked alone back to his seat to find Hoseok and Alex already there, talking and laughing with May and Minxi. He hesitated because Minxi was in his seat. He could move to another one but then they’d get permanently stuck in those seats for the show and that was his seat. He wanted to sit by Alex. He’d really worked to engineer that seating arrangement.

So he cleared his throat and grinned at Minxi, “Hey that’s my chair but if you get up for a sec you can sit in my lap. It’s a lot more comfortable.”

“Really?” May snickered. “Your bony lap?”

Jungkook gasped, “Jesus, I don’t have a boner! That’s not what I said!”

“Bo-ny. Bony! I’m talking about boners, gross boy!”

“I was just being nice. May. What the fuck. Indecent. You’re sick.”

Minxi covered her eyes and shook her head, “Thank you so much for your kind offer, JK, I think I’ll just move down…”

“Wow,” Alex teased as he sat in his reclaimed chair. “Haven’t seen you that lacking in game since you were twenty-one? Twenty?” She had somehow procured Nachos at lightning speed.

“I’m not trying to use game on Minxi, I just wanted my seat back.”

“Oh! Right right, no game, just sulky baby.”

“I’ll give you sulky baby with your little baby snack,” he taunted without thinking about it, reaching down to try and pinch the side of her neck. “Need to stand on your chair so you’ll be able to see the band, crispy shrimp?”

She scrunched her shoulders up and teased right back, “Sounds like someone regret choosing beer over Nachos. Get your own, you fucking raccoon.”

“How dare– no, now I am obligated to steal yours.” He reached out to grab one and she twisted and lifted to try and keep them away from him.

Unfortunately, the rough-housing jostled Hoseok’s arm, knocking his red wine all over his shirt and jacket. Alex yelled and tried to somehow stop the liquid by grabbing Hoseok’s arm, but it just sent the rest of the wine splashing across Jungkook’s gray shirt too. 

“Oh my fuck,” Alex gasped, looking back and forth between them. “Oh my god I’m so sorry–”

“Yeah, real childish,” Jungkook laughed and tugged her hair. Damn, no way to really get the wine out right now. The lights dimmed and a roar went around the stadium as the band prepared to come out, so Jungkook instantly forgot about it.

But Hoseok was still standing with his arms out, staring down in horror. His shirt was yellow and he had a light denim jacket on for some ungodly reason, both now coated in bright red wine. 

“I’m so sorry,” Alex said again. “I’ll replace them– I can pay to replace them. Napkins… hey does anyone have napkins?”

At this rate Alex was going to miss the opening moment. It annoyed Jungkook that Hoseok looked like that. It was just some fucking wine. They were at a concert. You had to dress assuming someone was going to spill something on you.

“I’m uh– I’m going to go see if I can find something to buy and try to rinse this in the sink,” Hoseok said, setting the empty plastic cup down beneath his seat.

Alex grabbed his arm, “Ok, I’ll go with you, I’m so sorry–”

“You’ll miss the band.”

“Ok, you’re sure?”

Alex might not be able to see it from her height but Jungkook could, the flicker across Hoseok’s face. He had expected her to insist on going. 

“Hey, anyone got a Tide to go pen or whatever?” Jungkook called down the line. “Alex is getting wild down here!”

In’am was already asking the question too, and a moment later Rebekah passed one down, which Jungkook handed over Alex’s head, as if the little pen would be enough against the sea of red. Mostly Jungkook just wanted Hoseok to hurry up and go because any second now the music was going to start and that first moment was always so good and he didn’t want Alex to miss it.

“I’m so sorry, Hobi–”

“Yeah, I’ll be back…” He gave her a weak-ass smile and hurried away.

Jungkook didn’t mean to look any particular way, but Alex still scolded him, “Don’t look like that! I get it. No one wants to sit around covered in wine for a whole show… it’s going to stain his clothes and he dresses so nicely…”

“Yah, what am I? Chopped liver?” Jungkook demanded, motioning down to his sleeve, side, and chest speckled with large red splotches. Her eyes widened even more and he realized he’d pushed too far. She was genuinely distressed, almost to the point of tears. Did Hoseok make her like that? Had he reacted badly in the past when she’d spilled or dropped something? Messed something of his up? He didn’t have to make such a big deal. Yeah it sucked to get wine on your clothes but obviously Alex felt bad, he didn’t need to make her feel worse than she already would. It was an accident. 

He threw his arm around her and squeezed, “Hey, spills happen. With you it happens a lot, has he not learned that yet?”

She punched him right in the gut–

And left behind several smudges of yellow nacho cheese.

“I’m a mess!” she wailed.

“What the fuck is going on over there?” Jimin demanded, peering around; In’am was doing the same, and passed down a packet of wet wipes someone had dug out of their bag. Rebekah again. The only prepared adult among them, apparently. 

But the lights went down, the roar went up, an opening chord played and Jungkook grabbed the wet wipes and shoved them into his pocket so he could take her hand with his free one and ordered,

“Who the fuck cares, stop worrying about it. Just close your eyes…it’s starting…” He shouldn’t have had to tell her, that’s always how they started. He’d taught her that. So they could fully, for those opening notes, just take it in and live in the music. That wasn’t an exclusive thing with Alex; he lifted his arm to balance it on Jimin’s shoulder too, who also had his eyes closed, holding In’am’s hand, so maybe he’d passed the importance of that moment along to his fiance as well. Jimin had been to almost as many shows with Jungkook as Alex had and this moment was important and hey, it hadn’t been on purpose or his fault or anything but he was kinda glad Hoseok was gone for just this minute. In five minutes or ten he’d be back wearing a Kings of Leon shirt and hopefully he wouldn’t be a dick about it if it wasn’t his style and he could soak his clothes when he got home and maybe they’d be ok. In five, ten minutes Alex would be Hoseok’s again but for just these few minutes, Alex was his. 

That would have to be enough.

And for those couple of minutes, it was.

One more night, one more night will you stay here?

Ooh when you see yourself are you far away?

Is it night or day?

When it comes to you, if you reach the moon,

Can I be there too?

“Pickles?”

“Ok I’m starting to feel like you only like me for my pickle,” Alex called from the kitchen.

“No no, that’s your new nickname,” Rebekah assured her, coming to lend a hand this time with the carrying of the food. Which was good because Alex was definitely about to balance too many plates, cups, and bowls on her arms and probably spill them everywhere. She prematurely cringed about it, even though she hadn’t done it yet, but because now it recalled another instance in which she had spilled shit on or around Hoseok and he’d given her that endeared but also dissatisfied smile and gently scolded her about being more patient and asking for help. AS IF he had somehow already figured out in the scant few months they had dated that those were the things she struggled with. What, was he paying attention to her or something? Ghastly. He should stop that.

“All right, what’s an acceptable thing I can call you back?”

“Rebekah. Bekah if you’re feeling bold.”

Alex snickered and pressed, “I’ve always thought it’s funny how you hate ‘Becky.’”

“Ok Al.”

“But see, that doesn’t bother me. Why would it? I’ve been called so much worse–”

As if cued, the front door swung open just as Rebekah and Alex walked past it, hands full, and Jungkook shouted, “Yo Tony! Help a Broseph out?”

“Tony?” Rebekah repeated, confused.

Alex rolled her eyes and lifted her hands as she passed the front door, “Sorry, Broey, hands are– what the fuck is all that?” She stopped walking and stared as he tackled his way through the door, arms overflowing. “Are those… pillows?!”

“I dunno they were on sale at Target,” he said from somewhere behind the pile of bags in his arms. “Move your ass, slothface, I can’t see around this.”

She had to dive out of the way as he nearly knocked the food out of her hands.

“Why didn’t you take more than one trip?!”

“Uh, because I didn’t need to? I can’t– you really can’t help me? Fucking useless…”

“Hey asshole!”

“I’m kidding, you’re a snack,” he huffed, then swore as he stumbled on his own fucking boots tumbled beside the door and slammed into the wall trying not to drop everything. 

“Jesus,” Alex gasped, rushing to set her food down on the laundry basket. They really needed to get a coffee table. 

Rebekah beat her to it though and was the one to actually ease two of the bags out of Jungkook’s arms.

“Gee thanks for the late assist– ohhh, Rebekah,” he smiled, voice changing. “Shit, so sorry. Uh, thanks. Sorry, I’d never talk to you like that, you deserve so much better.”

Rebekah had that smile she always reserved for Jungkook as she assured him, “No, it’s fine. What is all this though?” Alex was left without anything to grab as Jungkook and Rebekah dumped everything down on the sofa; Alex dragged the laundry basket away so nothing would get spilled. 

“Just some things,” Jungkook said. “You know, Target was having a sale and whatever, end of summer or whatever…”

“Target sale?” Alex asked, face screwed up because Jungkook only ever went to Target for electronics or because she made him. Despite the fact he had a blast every time they did because he always found some stupid thing he was excited about, like his Yoda fleece blanket or the retro Etch-a-sketch he’d left Alex infuratiating messages on by the bathroom for weeks. He had been obnoxiously good at it.  “Why were you in Target?”

“Uh, yeah, they had a uh– I needed some new sheets and I was out of deodorant and batteries and uh– and you know you complain when I steal your shampoo. I had a coupon for toothpaste–”

“Jungkook,” Alex warned, because this was exactly what he did when he tried to lie to her. Overexplain without actually explaining, refusing to make eye contact because he knew he’d crumble, breaking off sentences as his little scrambled egg brain tried to find a way to change the subject but failed. He scratched the side of his nose and noisily crinkled one of the bags with his other hand the gig was up.

But Rebekah, dear sweet Rebekah, saved him by pulling FIVE pillows out of two of the bags as she gasped, “Oh, they’re really soft! Are they for your bed?”

The laughter bubbled out of Alex. Jungkook hated pillows. He thought decorative pillows were stupid. He thought bed pillows were an annoying necessity. He kept exactly two, one of which was distressingly flat. He’d told Alex it was the result of fucking so many girls onto it, that their asses wore it down, but he’d had that twinkle in his eye that could also mean he was exaggerating. It might have just been a shitty pillow. She suspected it might be like twenty years old. The other pillow was fine but also the one he let the occasional girl who spent the night use, so Alex usually brought her own when she crashed in his bed.

Not that she did that anymore. The horror of the idea of Hoseok having to ask her not to sleep in her male friend’s bed was enough of a deterrent that she just made that a rule on her own. She’d be jealous if Hobi was sleeping in some girl’s bed, even Amy’s. Too often she woke up all tangled up with Jungkook, sometimes hands up shirts or legs twisted together; Jungkook liked to spoon. She had this mental movie of Hoseok walking in and not believing her explanation that it was innocent. One night after heavy drinking she’d woken up with no pants on, only panties and her shirt up around her tits. Thank fuck she’d been the first awake so Jungkook hadn’t seen that!

Rebekah held up a dusty rose velvet pillow and a white square pillow with a blue octopus stitched into the fabric. A third shaggy white square looked like something dead. The fourth dark blue one had tassels and the words This is home in cursive. The last peeked from the bag: light pink, round, with big pink balls sewn all around the edge.

“That looks like a diseased boob,” Alex blurted out, lifting it. It jostled the bag, revealing two soft velvety blankets inside, the kind you snuggled down with on a couch. If you were like a rich or fashionable person, or had something against Jungkook’s baby Yoda blanket. It looked like him, and Alex couldn’t point it out to him because he wouldn’t get it, but she laughed every time she saw him wrapped up in it.

Jungkook pointed, big dark eyes as wide as could be as he demanded, “You see a boob? Hey, Alex, have you considered you might be… ah, sorry Rebekah. I didn’t buy it because it looks like a…”

“You totally did.” Alex rolled her eyes.

“Uh, I have them too,” Rebekah scoffed. “You can talk about boobs in front of me. I don’t mind! It’s not like I’m some…” Alex and Jungkook waited but now Rebekah looked embarrassed and just pointed at another bag, “What’s in there?”

“Clock.”

“Cock?” Alex gasped, knowing full well that wasn’t what Jungkook had said. She just wanted to see if she could make them both feel more awkward.

“Sorry, was that you trying to sound straight? It’s too late,” Jungkook returned as he lifted a round faced black and white clock, the cheapy ones like you saw in college dorms or elementary school classrooms.

“Why did you buy that– oh, time management for your fucks? You’re stacking them now?”

He rolled his eyes, “No, to hang up in here so we can know what time it is.”

“Phone. I have a phone.”

“If you can’t reach your phone,” he argued. “Or the electricity goes out so the stove and microwave are wrong.”

“Wouldn’t affect our phones…”

“This is a normal thing to have on a wall!” he insisted, suddenly flustered, and turned to lean it against the wall. Alex wondered how long it was going to just sit there before he got rid of it; she couldn’t imagine him hunting down a hammer to hang it.

But then, lo and behold, he pulled out a cheap tool kit and tossed it onto the floor beside the clock.

“Tools,” Alex snorted. “Who are you?”

“I can fix things!”

“We have a tool kit… somewhere…” They did. They used it when they moved in and had to build all their furniture. And then Alex never saw it again.

“I gave that away,” Jungkook waved his hand.

“To… who? Why?”

“This girl– I had to fix something at her place and– it doesn’t matter. I couldn’t go back for it.”

“You fixed something at some girl’s place? What the fuck? Fix something here!”

“I am!” he frowned. “Yeah, I can fix things! I’m not incompetent. Just show me what’s broken and I’ll do it!”

Alex stopped talking, mouth open, confused by his defensiveness outburst. She glanced at Rebekah, whose eyebrows raised as she turned away to set the pillows on the couch. Was he trying to impress Rebekah? Was he annoyed about how he’d look in front of her? That didn’t make sense, but also why did Alex feel compelled to name something broken? She wasn’t sure whether that was to taunt him or soothe him. 

“Uh… I don’t think… anything?”

“Yeah,” he said, as if he’d won some argument, as if he was the reason nothing was broken right now. More like because Alex was willing to draw blood with their landlord to get things fixed. “Well we’ve got tools now so let me know.”

“Ok…”

He was being weird. He looked angry as he pulled the blankets out of the bag and threw them onto the couch.

“You bought couch blankets?” Alex asked gently. “...Why?”

“Sale.”

“Ok…. um… anything else good?” she asked, trying to smile and seem casual and push past whatever his sudden grumpy mood was. “Oh… babe,” she realized –and slipped on the petname in her teasing– “was this a comfort shop? Did a pussy appointment cancel on you last minute?”

His face scrunched up into a fist, “No! I told you I needed some things! No one canceled on me.”

“Oh, so you’re going out? Ok great we can crank our movie up. There’s a really raunchy sex scene apparently–”

“You didn’t tell me that!” Rebekah gasped. 

“Why, you nervous?” Alex teased.

Rebekah huffed and hugged the shaggy pillow, “No, I just– what kind of movie is this? How raunchy?”

“It’s fine–”

“I’m not going out,” Jungkook said, tugging up one bag tight and slinging it over his shoulder. “I bought snacks.”

“Snacks?”

“Ah, now your eyes perk up…” he mumbled as she looked in another bag. 

“These are… you bought new dishes?”

“We have like three cups.”

“We have more than that,” Alex argued.

“Yah, how many are in your room right now?” he teased. “I’m not touching those until you wash them.”

“Only a couple! I clean them out before Hobi comes over…” she admitted with a laugh at her own expense. Actually these days she kept her room cleaner than she ever had in her life. It was exhausting. Hobi did not understand how cozy it was to take a nap on clean laundry scattered across your bed that you were going to fold eventually. Hobi folded his clothes as he took them out of the dryer. A lot of his clothes he hung up to dry. It was impressive and insane.

Rebekah too had returned to the remaining bags. They dug through the snacks Jungkook had indeed bought; clearly he’d gone on a rampage down the snack aisle. Also in the bags were other odds and ends he’d bought during this “sale” –refills for the scent diffuser; a giant wooden cup she wasn’t sure what he meant to use for; a farmhouse decor style pair of wooden wall hangings for the kitchen, one which read “Tasty Kitchen” and the other which just said “Kitchen” but had a giant rooster and chicken on it. A purple vase. 

“Why did you buy all this stuff?” Alex asked as he returned. She showed him the kitchen signs, “Is this a joke?”

“Um…” He froze and looked at her like he was almost hurt. Like he was panicking. It was weird. She’d thought for sure he picked these signs as a dirty joke. Cock and hen kitchen? Tasty kitchen, like his cum or something? But she could tell in an instant by his expression that he hadn’t thought of those things at all, that apparently these were sincere purchases. An exploration of his… style? No, that didn’t make sense. Farmhouse chic or Tuscany or whatever this was?! They weren’t his style at all!

“Oh a Brita! Finally!” Rebekah gasped, pulling out the box in the last bag. “I’ll go set it up…” She whisked away to the kitchen and that was the last straw for Alex.

“A Brita? Too good for tap water now, huh?”

Jungkook crossed his arms and drew a deep breath and let it out like he was bracing himself for battle.

And then pointed out, “Your boyfriend doesn’t like the tap water here.”

Alex’s eyes narrowed.

“Yeah? I know that. That’s why I was trying to keep bottled water–”

“Don’t waste money on bottled fucking water,” he rolled his eyes. “I got this so we can just refill it and now he won’t get dehydrated.”

Alex watched his back as he went to dig around the snack bag. He pulled a few things out, then seemed to change his mind and just pulled the whole bag up.

“That’s… thoughtful,” Alex said slowly. “But why waste your money on it? Why did you buy all this stuff for our place?”

“I told you, there was a sale. Now what’s this movie we’re watching? Let me change into something comfier first.” He gave her a charming grin before he set off for the kitchen. 

“What do you mean ‘we’?” 

But sure enough, once they’d unloaded the snacks and Jungkook made his own dinner and put on sweats, he settled right down on the couch.

Between them.

“So what’s this movie?” he asked around a mouthful of sandwich. It formed a massive ball in his cheek; it made his eyes look especially cartoonish as he glanced between them. 

“You’re being weird,” Alex told him.

“Because I want to watch a movie with you?!”

“Yeah, why is that weird?” Rebekah asked. “I thought you two watched movies together all the time.”

“Yeah but…” Alex couldn’t explain it. Jungkook watching a movie wasn’t that weird, sure. But it was a Friday night. And he’d just spent a bunch of his money on stuff he always thought was stupid. And he’d bought a Brita water purifier as a favor to her and her boyfriend?? Major sus!

She glanced at Rebekah, who was also waiting for this grand reveal; there was no way for a moment of privacy, so Alex just lowered her voice to ask Jungkook sincerely, “Are you… ok?”

“No,” he said, face falling. “I’m actually dying, Alex. That’s why I bought decorative pillows, so you’d have something– ow ow! Hey!” He broke off, leaning against Rebekah as Alex punched his arm. “Save me, Becky!” he cried, and pressed his face into Rebekah’s shoulder.

Rebekah laughed and flapped her hand at Alex, completely unbothered apparently that Jungkook had called her Becky, and called, “Ok ok, ceasefire! I think the pillows are nice.”

“He bought five.”

“Should we start the movie?” Rebekah suggested without further comment.

To be honest, it pissed Alex off. She knew Rebekah and Jungkook were joking but, for a brief moment she felt a flash of blinding rage that Rebekah would playfully defend Jungkook against her. That Jungkook would turn to Rebekah. That she was the outsider in this moment rather than the literal connection. 

“Aw, Grumple Skrunkle,” Jungkook teased, and pinched Alex’s nose shut to make her sputter. “Yeah, hit it,” he told Rebekah, but then leaned forward himself to push play on the PlayStation controller balanced among their things on the laundry basket. “Oh I found a coffee table on craigslist,” he added, pointing at her, wagging his finger exactly like his mother did. “It needs to be restained but it’s free, I’m picking it up first thing tomorrow but I need your car, your trunk is bigger than mine.” Then he tried to wink as he added, “It’s one of your best assets.” He’d never quite mastered winking though, he always closed the other eye too, but insisted he didn’t do it even when Alex showed him photographic evidence, and insisted she was just racist, at which point she usually tried to choke him or kick the back of his knees.

Instead of commenting on the wink, she got stuck on, “Uh… we don’t know how to restain something.”

“I found a YouTube video, it’s fine.”

“What the fuck…”

“Shhh,” he said, because the opening credits were rolling, as if he was the one who’d been looking forward to this all week. He didn’t even know what movie they were watching until five minutes ago. It was a Friday night! Usually he’d be out fucking things and doing people! 

She held off asking again until they’d finished eating, but when Jungkook paused the movie to load all their dishes into the laundry basket and take them to the kitchen, Alex began to wonder. She wasn’t anything unusual here. This was just a normal Friday night for her. But Rebekah wasn’t always here on a Friday night. Was that the difference? Was Jungkook trying to impress Rebekah?!

She grabbed her phone, ready to text Jungkook: remember the rule no fucking my friends. But he got back too quickly, and probably if she texted him right now, Rebekah would see it. And if that was what Jungkook was getting at here, Alex’s text might accidentally be the thing that made Jungkook and Rebekah talk about it! And decide to go for it! Friendship be damned!!!!

Jungkook plopped down again between them, hit play on the controller –now on the ground– with his big toe, and then flipped one of the blankets open across all three of their laps. The next move felt like the obvious farcical step; he let out a deep sigh and lifted his arms over their heads and stretched them along the back of the couch, pressed against both of their backs, hands hooked around their shoulders. Not even subtle.

Rebekah giggled as Alex sighed, “Kookoo…”

“Oh right sorry, you have a boyfriend…” He lifted his arm away from her, which put him a little closer to Rebekah. “Sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?” he asked Rebekah.

“No, I don’t have a boyfriend. It’s nice to snuggle while we watch a movie.”

Alex made a retching noise in her lap that almost went too far.

“Yeah, don’t make yourself puke for real!” Jungkook cried, knowing. She hated that he knew! She hated that he’d seen it happen before. She just had a suggestible gag reflex, ok?!

Now flustered and annoyed and not sure how else to remind Jungkook he was not allowed to fuck her friends, Alex grabbed his arm and yanked it back around her shoulder and huffed,

“Don’t be such a fucking weirdo, either of you, it’s just a movie. And stop doing things with your toes, it’ll weird my friend out!” He’d been using his toe to tug the blanket a little bit lower to cover his feet. It wasn’t quite big enough for everyone to spread out but with his arms around their shoulders anyway, they were almost tucked close enough. It was really only meant for two.

“It’s fine,” Rebekah assured her. “It’s kind of impressive.”

“It’s not impressive when he pinches you, trust me, it’s like a fucking lobster, especially if he hasn’t cut his–”

“I keep my nails short!” he interrupted, scowling at her. “Don’t say shit like that.”

“You do. It’s really impressive. So many men don’t seem to care about how their feet or hands look but your nails are always nice,” Rebekah complimented him. 

“Can you turn the movie up? I can’t hear,” Alex spoke over whatever appreciative bullshit Jungkook was about to say. He tried to hit it with his toe but the TV remote was harder to control that way. He had to bend down to pick it up once he’d dragged it closer with his foot; he let go of Rebekah’s shoulders to do it, keeping his arm around Alex. That was a little soothing, if her request managed to get between them in more ways than one.

“The snuggling is going to get real awkward when we get to the sex scenes,” she joked.

“Maybe for you,” Jungkook shrugged.

“Uh, no? I’m not the one who will be weird about it.”

“Who, me?!” Rebekah gasped. “Ok let’s be clear about something, I have a sexual history–”

“I meant JK,” Alex laughed. 

“Oh… ok…’

“Are you kidding? Two hot girls and me–”

“Ok stop talking,” Alex said and covered his mouth. She expected him to lick her hand. Instead he just opened his mouth and breathed warm breath against her palm, which was way weirder. “God you’re weird.”

“Yeah, hey can you put the balled tit pillow behind my head?”

“So you admit it!”

“I’m never admitting anything and you can’t make me,” he said, and squeezed her shoulder. “Now stop making noise and watch the movie.”

“I thought you liked noise,” she said, trying to joke, trying to draw out Jungkook acting the way he ought to. Not that he wasn’t. But his arms around them both felt weird even though they snuggled plenty of times while watching movies. It wasn’t a big deal! But was it a big deal for Rebekah? Alex thought she seemed a little too happy. And Jungkook looked smug. 

Suddenly he turned his face down to hers and whispered, “I know I’m hot but the screen is that way, Song.”

“Fuck, your ego is just… it’s so big it’s blocking the screen.”

“Oh, baby, that’s not my ego, that’s–”

“A lame joke, try again.”

“No, there’s a movie on, shush.”

The ‘shush’ did her in. She glared, but he just grinned at her, and for some reason that exchange soothed her. Their little quips were just like they’d always been and it was comforting. Silent communication, that was a thing they could do, they could have a moment like that and understand each other, and Rebekah wasn’t a part of that at all. 

And also… Jungkook wouldn’t. He had messed up so big with the whole kissing her thing a while ago, he wouldn’t just throw another rule out the window to get his dick wet with Rebekah. He had no problem getting his dick wet, he didn’t need to fish in Alex’s pond for that.

Unless… unless he actually liked Rebekah?

But no, that wasn’t a Jungkook thing to do. He didn’t like girls like that. And if he did– Rebekah was great, she really was, but their personality types were all wrong together! They weren’t similar enough or opposite enough for it to make sense!

She would remind him of the rule though, just to be safe. Later. Once she wasn’t busy pinching his thigh and ribs and nipples every time he squeezed her shoulder and tickled her neck to try and make the jump scares worse.

It was disorienting to wake up with Alex in bed with him. He rolled towards her, legs curling around, arms flopping across her lap. Dream and reality fused together, and everything smelled like her, and she was always so warm to sleep next to. He missed that. It’d been so long since she’d crashed in his bed. He liked rolling into the warm space she left behind when she got up first, and breathing in the scent of her shampoo where she’d leave it on her pillow because she always forgot it and had to come retrieve it later. He never put it back for her. 

“No, Jungkook, wake up.” Her voice was raspy and sharp in the quiet of early morning. She was shaking his shoulder. “Wake up, I need a favor…”

“Huh?” He squinted at her, one eye barely open as his brain started to drag itself out of that foggy warm happy half-asleep place. He pushed himself up and rubbed at his face before he was awake enough to stop his hands, afraid he’d give himself pimples.

“Alex?” He turned towards his phone on the nightstand but didn’t move to touch it. “What time is it?”

“A little before five,” she said. “I’m so sorry to wake you up… my car won’t start but I have to be at work in ten minutes and I’m kind of freaking out and there aren’t any Lyfts available right now… fucking suburbs…”

She was talking too fast. He pressed his fingers to her mouth and blinked, trying to clear his head. He didn’t remember any particular dream but thought it had been nice and he regretted being pulled from it. Or maybe it wasn’t a dream, maybe it was just that hazy nice space of being curled around her in bed, thinking of other times he’d been like that–

“Can you just… just ride in the car and wake up on the way and then drive yourself back afterwards?” she asked.

He yawned and blinked at her again, still confused. Why was she sitting on the side of his bed dressed for work? Why was his brain doing this? Oh shit was he about to have a sex dream about her in her uniform?! She wasn’t wearing her apron though, but maybe he could put that on after her clothes were off… he looked down but he wasn’t wearing his work uniform, so this wasn’t a joint uniform dream–

“Jungkook, wake up,” she said, taking hold of his face and squishing his cheeks. “I’m sorry but can I have a ride to work? My car won’t start.”

“Yeah? You need um… oh you need a ride to work?”

Not a sex dream. 

“Yes.”

“Ok. Yeah. Yeah of course, let’s go.” His body wasn’t quite obeying yet but his brain propelled him forward, out of bed –suddenly Alex shot up and called out that she’d meet him at the front door and please to hurry, she’d drive there. He was on his feet before sensation caught up with him and he realized he might have bumped his semi against her arm or something… No, he didn’t think it was that noticeable. Maybe she was just in a rush to get to work. 

Oh shit, yeah, she was late, he realized as he looked at the clock on his phone. So he pushed himself to wake up faster, slipping on his sliders by the front door and grabbing his keys and wallet.

“I really appreciate it,” she said. “Sorry I woke you up so early.”

“Yeah, what’s wrong with your car?” he asked, following her down the stairs.

“I don’t know! It just keeps turning over. I don’t know if the battery is dead or it’s out of um… oil or something? Here, give me your keys, I’ll drive while you keep waking up.”

“I’m ok to drive.”

“Just give me the keys,” she insisted, and honestly she was probably right so he slid into his own passenger’s seat while she got behind the wheel. She’d be breathing down his neck probably if he didn’t drive fast enough anyway. 

He yawned and turned the radio off when it blasted too loud on starting, and suggested, “I’m not working today, I can take your car in. Did you leave your keys upstairs?”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Eh, it’s fine,” he shrugged. It was weird to see the world as bright as it was so early in the morning. He was never up this early unless he’d just stayed up from the night before. It was further disorienting right now as he dragged his brain out of sleep. Part of him still felt curled up in bed with Alex and her long soft hair and her fluffy pillow. Even though he hadn’t actually been, he realized. A dream. A wish. 

“No, don’t, why would you do that? I’ll just figure it out when I’m off today.”

“We’ve got dinner with–”

“Yeah, I know!” she laughed. “What are you the family calendar keeper now?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know, maybe you forgot now that you have another family.”

“Oh stop.” She hit his arm but only lightly. “Fuck, I can’t believe my car– shit, my phone is ringing, can you–” She lifted off the seat just enough for Jungkook to dig her phone out of her back pocket and glanced at the screen.

“Chesley,” Jungkook read.

“Yeah can you answer, tell him I’m there in like six minutes…”

“Hey. Alex’s car wasn’t working this morning, she’s on her way now,” he said as he answered. He vaguely knew who Chesley was. 

“Who is this?”

“Her roommate.”

“Ohhhh ok that confused me, you don’t sound like Hobi. Did she forget her phone too?”

“No, she’s driving right now and struggles with multitasking outside of work.”

“Uh… ok, is she ok?”

“Yeah. Five minutes she’ll be there, bye.”

“Fuck fuck fuck,” Alex mumbled under her breath, radiating stress.

“It’s fine,” he insisted. “You’re like eleven minutes late. What’s going to happen, someone gets their coffee five minutes late?”

“People don’t handle their coffee being late very well.”

“Well they can go fuck themselves, it’s just coffee. It’s not like you broke your car on purpose.”

“Yeah but people don’t care…”

It took him until she zipped into the parking lot to really wake up, but by then he teased her, “Hey do I get free coffee now?”

“There’s nothing made but if you want to hang out while it brews, sure.” She barely put the car into park before she threw her door open, clearly not engaged with his little joke.

“Hey, it’s fine. You’re here now–” he started as he too got out of the car to walk around.

“Thank you for the ride–” 

“Yeah, is your deed and everything in your glove compartment?” 

She froze as he reached the driver’s side, and demanded, “Why are you insisting on that? I’ll take it in later, it’s not a big deal.”

“Do you have roadside assistance?”

“No that costs money…”

“Yeah, I’ll deal with it, it’s fine,” he shrugged. “Go work.” He jerked his head towards the front door where two of her coworkers leaned, waiting for her with the keys.

“That’s weird. Why are you being so weirdly nice?”

“I’m just nice, Jesus Fuck. Talk about people who need their coffee,” he huffed. “Get out of my car and go to work!” He backhanded her ass as she darted away without thinking about it; belatedly he blamed his sleep deprived brain. He’d even had to bend down to reach, there wasn’t a way to play it off as an accident.

He sank back into his seat but didn’t pull out of the space right away. 

There had been something in Chesley’s voice when Jungkook had answered. Maybe he was imagining things, but he thought Alex’s coworker at first thought he’d just caught her in bed with someone else. Or was that just Jungkook daydreaming? Wishful thinking? He was sure of it though and that it changed instantly once Jungkook said who he was, as if the threat was obviously nullified. Of course, just the roommate, not someone Alex was at all tempted by romantically. Not when she was dating Hoseok, who everyone loved. Guess Hoseok would be the next face of Starbucks or whatever, since everyone loved him so much. They’d replace the mermaid on the cup with his face. Hobucks. Yeah, fucking Hobucks.

Jungkook had to adjust the seat and mirrors in his car before he could drive again. Alex was such a shrimp. He wasn’t even that tall but his knees were in the steering wheel. It was like a Minion driving his car, except grumpier. A cute grumpy pre-coffee stressed-about-running-late Minion.

There was something intimate to him about her driving his car, even for just nine minutes. They drove each other's cars sometimes, it happened. She was a careful driver and he knew she’d be careful with his car. One time when they were much younger, she’d bumped a parking post in his car. Barely scratched the bumper but she’d had a total meltdown over it, and he’d actually felt like an asshole, if she’d expected him to be that worked up about his car. Yeah, he took care of his car as best as he could, but he knew it was an accident. He wouldn’t have torn her to shreds over an accident or anything, and so he’d always made a point after that of being chill if something got broken or ripped or stained because at the end of the day people were always more important than things. 

Besides, it was cute watching her drive his car, the way she had to sit up so high and peer over the wheel because his seat didn’t go as high as hers. He had to keep special pads around the seatbelts because they hit her collarbone weird and gave her cuts and rashes. Actually he’d learned all about that, how cars weren’t really designed for women’s bodies. That had definitely gotten him laid in the backseat of this thing more than once, though his days of backseat hookups were long behind him because he was a fucking adult now with a bed in his own room. 

Not for the first time, Jungkook found himself wondering if Hoseok ever evolved that way as a person or if he still thought everyone existed to be managed and tidy. He was very particular about his Elantra; Alex had told Jungkook how immaculate it was kept, not a single straw-wrapper left inside. Would he have let Alex drive his car? He still thought sometimes about how Hoseok had reacted when the food got spilled at that Kings concert; he’d come back in a new shirt and seemed kinda tetchy to Jungkook for the rest of the night, like he wasn’t having fun and didn’t want to be there and couldn’t even phone it in for Alex to have a good time. She worried about Hoseok having a good time more than she ought to. She cared too much about people around her. 

Well, Jungkook was trying to return the favor. He’d added a few things to their apartment in an attempt to make it a nicer place to be, so maybe she would stop just going to Hoseok’s place all the time. He was afraid she’d start to resent their apartment. He wanted her to enjoy coming home to it. He was going to restain the coffee table; Appa had agreed to help, he just needed to buy the stuff and find a time. Appa even had the sander they could use. Maybe he’d do it today–

No, he was going to get her car fixed today. Because she hated going to the car place and he knew a little bit (very little) more than she did about cars. She’d be so grateful when he gave it back to her later, and what could Hoseok say about it? It was just a nice thing to do! If Hoseok had a problem with it, he’d look like the asshole for suggesting that other people couldn’t do nice things for Alex. Would he have offered to take her car in if she’d woken up at Hoseok’s place with a car that wouldn’t start? 

Ugh, probably.

But maybe not. Maybe Alex wasn’t close enough to rely on him for things like that yet. Well Jungkook would be so fucking reliable. He was a great roommate. Alex benefits from living with him.

He decided it was true and it left him smug instead of pathetic feeling as he tried and failed to fall back asleep and went to the gym instead, and then kindly did not steal Alex’s shampoo when he showered and– ok, fine, used some of her conditioner to jack off with but only because it was right there and he was up earlier than he’d wanted to be. A favor for a favor! It just made the steamy shower smell so fucking good and he liked pleasant smells when he jacked off and it’s not like he was imagining Alex or anything. He didn’t. He firmly resisted those thoughts, which sometimes delayed his release as his brain struggled to fight off the mental image of her in whatever filthy position he was trying to play out in his head. Filthy. So fucking filthy, the dirtier the better, because Alex would never be in that position and–

Ah, his brain always tried to trick him like that. What position, this one? She would never do this? Why, because she’d be shy about it or because you’re worried about her straining a muscle? Which muscle? You’d need to help her rub it out? That would be nice, right? How nice?

It wasn’t that he thought jacking off to your best friend was some deep evil sin. He’d jacked off to the image of plenty of women he was attracted to but would never get a chance with. It’s not like she could read his mind. It’s not like she’d know. And how many times in his life had he insisted to friends that inside your head was a free, lawless place?

But ah, he wasn’t sure that was true in this instance. He was afraid of what would happen if he just gave into those thoughts. He was afraid it would make him awkward around her. He was afraid it would make him desperate. He was afraid it would rip to shreds this very careful net wall he had tried to put up as a compromise between what he wanted and what she wanted. He was afraid that if he let himself fantasize about all the things he wanted to do to her and do with her, it would start filthy and then turn serious and then turn sweet and then probably filthy again and soon his mind would lose its grip on reality and he wouldn’t be able to sit across from her at the table anymore and be casual and chill and convince them both that this was fine.

Because it was fine. It was fine! Being in love with your best friend was a breeze when you had the self control he did. And one thing he knew about maintaining that self control was this: no cheats. No sweets when he was dieting. No minor indulgences when he was saving money for something. No sitting down for breaks when he was at the gym, only active breaks. Young Jungkook, Jungkook 1.0, had terrible self control and what had it gotten him? No girlfriends, no game, no date to prom, and mediocre grades. Jungkook 2.0 had it figured out. Don’t make rules unless they matter, and if they matter, never break them.

Like kissing Alex. Bad idea. And as a consequence, he was now in love with his best friend and watching her fall in love with someone else. He was working to push through all of that, but cheating the rules would just make it worse. He didn’t want to know what might come pouring out. He didn’t want to see how pathetic he might be. He didn’t want her to have to put up a thicker wall between them.

So this was fine. It was fine! For now, he was the one she shook awake to give her a ride to work at five in the morning. Maybe he could even outlast Hoseok and it would always get to be him…

NO. No cheats. No cheat thoughts, no cheat fantasies, no indulging that part of his body that wanted to react in ways it shouldn’t when he got to spend time with Alex. His heart! Not his dick. Although that too! But yeah he had a heart and he was not interested in some big tragic heartbreak, which he was afraid this could become if he let it. So he just wouldn’t let it!

Getting her car fixed took the better part of his morning. She was going to freak about the $600 cost but when the guy replacing the battery (Jungkook had guessed that right! He’d had to jump her car to get it to the shop and couldn’t wait to brag to her about the fact he’d done this! And met a very hot neighbor who’d recently moved in and told him to give her a buzz sometime–) –but when the guy had mentioned her break pads were worn, he couldn’t tell the guy not to fix those. Breaks were important! Whatever, if she didn’t have the money right now she could take her time paying him back. He’d get by. 

She’d put on their shared Google calendar that her shift ended at 12:30. Yes, they had a shared google calendar; no that wasn’t as weird as their friends made it seem like. They both put their work things on there so they could remind each other back in the days where they kind of sucked at being adults. They were better now but the habit of the calendar stuck, and it was convenient to keep things like friends' parties on there, or to be able to quickly see what the other's work schedule was when trying to plan something, or when bills were due, or when someone was traveling.

So at 12:30 he rolled into the parking lot at her work in her newly fixed car and strolled in tossing her keys in his hand. 

The ‘hey babe, your wheels are ready, let’s roll’ died on his lips as Alex called the goodbye to her co-workers and turned away from the counter, nudged by Hoseok’s hand on her shoulder. It meant they saw him at the same moment, with equally as surprised expressions.

“Oh! Jungkook? Uh… you didn’t have to come pick me up,” she said, stepping towards him. “Or did you want that free coffee now for the lift?”

Lest Hoseok think Jungkook was the kind of guy who only did a favor for a favor, he quickly assured her, “No, no coffee, I’m taking a nap after this. Spent the morning getting your car fixed.” Oops, was there something in his voice? He didn’t realize he felt annoyed until he heard it in his terse tone. He twirled her keys around his finger. “Battery was dead dead and also your breaks were worn.”

She grimaced, “Oh shit, sounds expensive…”

“Like six hundred… you can take your time paying me back if you need to,” he insisted at her hiss.

Beside her, Hoseok suggested, “Huh, I wonder if my guy could have done it for less… where did you take her car? My guy is really good, I was just telling her–”

“Matt’s great. Best in the business,” Jungkook insisted. He had no fucking clue what the auto shop guy’s name was. He barely recalled the name of the place, either, he just knew where it was and always went there because Appa went there. 

“I really appreciate it,” Alex said, reaching for his hand to take the keys. “You didn’t have to do that. I know it’s a boring errand and it wasn’t even your car–”

“Yeah but you need your car working.”

“Oh yeah sorry didn’t mean to disturb your beauty sleep,” she teased.

“You can disturb it any– uh, I mean it’s not a big deal or anything,” he said, shifting tone mid-sentence. Goddamnit talking to her in front of Hoseok and trying not to push any buttons was annoying. He never thought about these things before because things were so casual and easy and fun with Alex but now having to second guess everything he said to her was exhausting. “It’s fine, I’m your roommate, that’s what we’re good for.”

Hoseok butted in again, “She was telling me how hard you are to wake up,” he laughed. “I told her she should have called me! I was already up and getting ready for my shift anyway, I could have swung by and picked her up.”

“Nah, no need to go out of your way, I was right there.” He hadn’t released her keys, still holding them above her head to see if she’d jump, or if he could taunt her into punching him. Would she do that in front of her boyfriend?

She did. Right in the stomach, though not enough to do any damage. He doubled over in mock pain just so he could grab her hand for a second, then let her wrestle the keys out of his fingers as he laughed.

“What happens if an employee assaults a customer in here?” he joked. 

Hoseok laughed, “Sorry, you know, I don’t work in corporate anymore and this isn’t my shop…” He seemed so nice and friendly when he said it, but Jungkook wasn’t sure whether to trust that or not. Honestly, were the roles reversed right now, he’d be seething with jealousy, having a hot guy like Jungkook grab his girlfriend’s fist into his stomach and knot their fingers together when she stole the keys from him–

Look, Jungkook had never claimed not to be an asshole.

“This is my shop,” Alex insisted. “I make the law here.”

“Ooh scary. I’m so threatened.” Jungkook took her keys right out of her hand again and held it above her head.

“Whatever,” she scoffed, “You have to use it to get home anyway.”

His head tilted and he lowered the keys, “Oh, you aren’t coming?”

“Well my plan was to head to Hoseok’s place to nap until dinner time.”

“Yeah same– I mean, not at Hoseok’s,” Jungkook corrected. 

“You’re welcome to join,” Hoseok suggested. He thought Hoseok’s smile was a little forced. But so was his as he realized now that he’d come here not only for nothing, but that he was supposed to awkwardly leave alone. In Alex’s car. So he could go home and nap alone in his bed while Alex went and probably fucked Hobi and then took a nap afterwards. And he’d meet them for dinner and be the one at the table who knew they’d both worked that morning and then had a little afternoon fuck’and’nap. And he was the one who’d spent the morning at the car shop with her car –not for a sexual favor or anything but still! Still. 

Alex must have realized it too, how pathetic he was, because she looked guilty as she rushed out, “Shit, I feel bad you came all the way here to get me… I didn’t ask you to!”

“Yeah, you didn’t say you were calling Hoseok, I didn’t want to leave you stranded since i had your car–”

“And I told you not to do that! You really didn’t have to, it’s so nice but you didn’t have to–”

“Uh, that’s what friends do. Why are you being weird about it?” he demanded because she was making him seem weird about it. 

“No I know, I really appreciate it.”

“Yeah, sounds like it,” he frowned. “K, I’ll take your car home. See you tonight. Guess you have a ride to that too–”

“Jungkook, why are you sulking–”

“I’m not sulking. I’m tired and I’m going home now.”

“Jungkook…”

He didn’t like the way she sighed his name and this was embarrassing, there was no graceful way to exit the situation. Anything made him look either dopey or dumb. It didn’t help that they followed him out of the store, and that Alex bumped into him playfully on the way to Hoseok’s car.

“Seriously, I appreciate it. I owe you a big inconvenient errand too now. And you can wake me up at an ungodly hour, I won’t even be mad. And I can give you the money, show me the exact amount and I’ll transfer it to you today.”

“Yeah, you’ve got it?”

She whispered, “Yeah it’s been a little easier to save since Hoseok pays for a lot of stuff, you know? Plus you shouldn’t be out for my car. I’ll give you a tip too, I’ll pay you extra!”

“Don’t give me a tip,” he quickly frowned. “I don’t work for you.”

“I know, but–”

“I’m just your friend. You don’t have to make it weird. I was just trying to be nice when you asked me for a favor.”

“You are nice. I know. Now go nap, I’ll see you tonight, ok? Don’t bail on me!”

I’m not the one who bails he mumbled to himself, and got into her car alone and drove himself home alone. 

***

“So there’s Jimin three plates in–”

“Samples. Samples! Not plates!”

“And me and the baker come out of the back where she was showing me the kitchen, and the girl working is so confused why Jimin is sitting at this table eating all this cake–”

“I thought those were our samples!” Jimin complained, covering his face.

“You thought you’d just sit at a table and help yourself to a bunch of cake sitting on it?” In’am laughed. “You didn’t think it mattered what I thought about each flavor?”

“I left you some of each one…”

“So what were the cakes actually for?” Luisa asked.

“Taste test for the new menu,” Jimin sighed. “But I gave the baker my feedback so… so no harm done!”

In’am snickered, “Except for the massive stomach ache you got after we finished the tasting.”

“Yeah, I never eat that much sugar. Only for you!”

“Such a sacrifice, duly noted,” Alex offered by way of keeping things moving along. 

Dinner was not what she had expected, to say the least. Jungkook had shown up, so that was at least one good surprise, because he’d sulked home so hard earlier she thought he might have locked himself in his bedroom. Then Taehyung and Sabina canceled at the last second, and Namjoon kept saying he was on his way but was running majorly late. Seokjin had brought Luisa, which was another good surprise –Hoseok explained Seokjin was so nervous about meeting new people he needed more of a teddy bear to cling to than Hoseok could be since he’d be by Alex’s side, and Alex had wanted to ask why he felt like he had to choose, but she liked Luisa so it wasn’t a problem! And Luisa was the one to suggest the backup restaurant when they’d shown up to the first –to the sushi place the guys had fallen in love with while Alex was out of town with Hoseok– only to find it unexpectedly shut down for healthcode violations. Yikes.

People bailing on dinner wouldn’t have been such a problem except that bringing Seokjin along felt to Alex like a further step in merging her friend groups, and she wanted a good showing. She had hoped Hoseok and Seokjin would like the sushi place though thank fuck she hadn’t given them food poisoning. Luisa’s backup tapas place was fun though, the food was great, and they didn’t even have to wait too long for a table on a Saturday night. There was a coin fountain and Alex got the hostess to turn a dollar into pennies and then convinced Jungkook to do trick shots with her at the fountain until their nails hurt. Everyone wound up giving it a try and Jungkook had looked predictably smug when he’d been able to land a good shot, though Seokjin had the clinch flick, apparently, and Luisa had made a joke about it that made Seokjin cover his face. 

And the food was great, the sangria was greater. Everything was fine. Why did Alex feel like it wasn’t? She felt so on edge, like there was some expectation on her to make this go perfectly. This was always how it felt after there was any kind of awkward moment with Hoseok or Jungkook, even just a mixup about who was picking her up after work, and it was exhausting. But she recognized that it didn’t mean it was actually a problem. Everyone was fine now. It wasn’t her job to make things perfect!

“But what I want to know,” she said, “Why didn’t the girl working the counter say something when you just started eating all that cake?”

Hoseok waved his hand to answer first, “Ah, I read a study about that! If you pretend you know what you’re doing, people believe you and they won’t interfere.”

“Or she just wanted to see what would happen,” Jungkook suggested.

“Ah, I couldn’t do that,” Hoseok laughed. “You have to keep an eye on people! I’ve had people –we give out samples at work sometimes and they’ll just come pick up the entire tray. Or they grab ten of the little cups. That’s more than a whole croissant!”

“We have to watch people too. If someone comes in and starts lifting merchandise, I have to stop them,” Jungkook argued. He sounded defensive and Alex didn’t know why. Maybe because he definitely took multiple samples if given the chance.

“Well there’s mall security,” Alex pointed out. “They don’t expect you to intervene in a robbery, right?”

“Oh, do phone stores get robbed?!” Luisa gasped. Alex watched the conflict on Jungkook’s face because it was pretty funny. His fuckboy instincts told him to say yes and lean into the admiration this could bring, but he also clearly marked Luisa as Seokjin’s girlfriend (they were not, at least not yet) and he seemed to want to get along well with Seokjin. Which she appreciated. Although it was weird to watch Jungkook try not to shamelessly flirt with someone. The loss of entertainment was tragic so that she almost clarified Luisa’s single status to grease the wheels but something stopped her. Maybe they’d actually gone official. Maybe Jungkook was picking up on something she was oblivious to.

Instead he turned it on the poor waitress, who seemed to be tripping over herself to make his meal a good one, always talking to him as if he was the head of their group. When he asked her lowly for another drink, just water this time, she leaned in and asked him to repeat it. Alex did not think it needed to be repeated.

“You didn’t like the sangria?” Jimin asked him, because obviously the whole table had been able to hear his order. “It’s so good. It’s better than that shit you guys made in the sink.”

“Hey! That was… drinkable!” Alex defended.

“In the sink?!” Luisa repeated. “You don’t have a bowl?!”

“Not as big as a sink!”

“I saw this TikTok, they made sangria in the bathtub–” Seokjin began, which Jungkook picked up with, “Yeah, the one where the guy gets in it naked?”

“Gross!!”

“I don’t think anyone drank it but the guy,” Seokjin laughed. “Still…”

“That was always a rule my mom taught me, don’t drink anything your butt has been in,” Hoseok joked. Alex could just envision it; she hadn’t met his mother yet but she’d heard plenty of stories and seen pictures by now. His mom seemed kind and fun and no-nonsense in a way she hoped she would be able to get along well with. Assuming they met, of course. But they probably would. Eventually. Oh god. Soon Hoseok would meet her mother for her birthday dinner with her family.

Oh god it already made her nervous… her mom could be so nosy! 

Namjoon interrupted her premature panic with his sudden arrival, even though the food was almost gone; he appeared out of nowhere and slid into the empty chair at the foot of the table.

“Shit, sorry I’m so late, that was…”

“What happened?” Jimin asked.

“Oh, hi I’m Namjoon…” he paused to introduce himself before sighing, “I was going to bring this girl I’ve gone on a couple dates with now, but a pipe burst in my house, so I was there trying to mop it up and she’s sitting on her phone and starts asking me all these questions about hey, do I know a Jungkook Jeon–”

All eyes turned to Jungkook, whose own eyes went very wide, mouth open wide for the bite of chorizo on toasted bread he was about to shovel in.

Namjoon nodded, “Uh huh. Happen to know a Seychelle?”

“Not Seashell!” Alex gasped. “You’ve been dating her?!”

“Um…” Jungkook looked like he was starting to sweat. “Yeah…” He kicked Alex under the table.

“Yeah, turns out she didn’t realize we know each other –which I don’t fucking understand how because I’m on your Instagram, and how many Namjoons does she think live around here?! But she was like ‘oh wait that was your bathroom!’ when I brought her into my house to deal with the flood and I didn’t know what she was talking about…”

Jungkook hastily swallowed his massive bite, choking a little; Alex handed him her own water because his was empty and he chugged the lump down before insisting, “I’m not dating her though. You can still date her if you want.”

“Kind of you, man, thanks for your permission–”

“No! I mean, it doesn’t have to be weird just because I uh… know her in the biblical sense– I mean, she’s good, right? SO yeah man, get it! Good for you! She’s uh… a nice girl!”

“Oh my god,” Jimin cackled and covered his face as Alex let hers slump into the crook of her elbow on the table.

“No, not good for me.”

In’am arched her eyebrow and asked, “Why, you have a problem with a woman with history?”

“What? No!” Namjoon defended. “I don’t care about that… I mean… it’s not like it’s a competition between us,” he said, gesturing to Jungkook.

“Yeah I’m sure you’re ok in bed,” Jungkook assured him. He looked delighted. Alex thought he was probably eager for Namjoon to not be mad at him, though Alex felt like it wouldn’t have been fair. It wasn’t Jungkook’s fault he’d fucked a lot of women– ok, well, that was his fault, but being fucked (past tense) by Jungkook shouldn’t exclude a woman from a datable list for anyone else. Especially because uh, that list was pretty long. There might not be a lot of single women left in the tri-city area if you had to filter that list out…

For a brief moment Alex wondered how many women he had actually fucked. Like what was the actual real number, not just the joking numbers they talked about? Fifty? Eighty? Over a hundred? Two hundred?!

It made her stomach twist, which was embarrassing because she didn’t want to be slut shamy of Jungkook. She wasn’t! She admired and supported his slutty behavior. Sometimes he got free stuff because of it and she got to benefit! Good for him! She wasn’t sure why it made her feel a little sick, but decided it was more about her own lack of experience. It made her feel insufficient. Lacking. She knew that didn’t make any sense but she glanced at him and just thought he knows things about sex and bodies I will never be able to keep up with. Not that it was a competition or anything but just… he was on such a whole different level. He probably knows more about a woman’s body than I ever will and I HAVE a woman’s body…

“I’m incredible in bed,” Namjoon glowered. “But Seychelle won’t get to experience it again –which she will regret, believe me– because suddenly she had all these questions about you.”

Jungkook’s brow scrunched up as he demanded, “What questions?”

“Wanted to know why you dropped off the face of the earth. Apparently you haven’t updated your instagram in a month and haven’t been posting on snap chat and whatever else, I don’t know, she was just clearly more interested in knowing what you were up to than focusing on– man, I went on like three dates with her and thought she was cool,” Namjoon sighed and let his head hang.

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook said. “That sucks. If it helps, um… well maybe you can just tell me who you’re going on a date with first and I can let you know if I’ve ever uh met them before, if it matters to you.”

“It doesn’t matter to me as long as they aren’t comparing us or thinking of you the whole time or whatever. It’s fucked up! Sorry,” he said to Luisa. 

Luisa quickly insisted, “I think you have dodged a blade, if she is so concerned about someone else and instagram. She goes on three dates with you and is still asking about another man? It sounds like you aren’t looking for the same thing I think?”

“Dodged a blade,” Alex repeated. “That is so much cooler sounding than dodged a bullet.”

Suddenly Jungkook added, “Also hey if you want help meeting women, I can help you out. I helped Alex, you know.”

“What?! You did not!” Alex guffawed.

“Uh, I did. I tried at least. You kept shitting on everyone I showed you.”

“Yeah, he’s not good, don’t let him help you,” Alex said to Namjoon. “I found Hoseok on my own, hands down better than anyone Jungkook showed me.”

“You don’t know that because you didn’t date any of them.”

Jimin grinned and rested his chin on his hand, urging, “Tell us more about your great taste in men, JK.”

“Well, no, I just mean… I have a lot of contacts. I can make introductions. Honestly. It’s the least I can do for uh, interfering… even though I don’t think I actually did anything wrong here…”

“Maybe you should fuck less good and then women will be relieved to meet Namjoon since he’s clearly better boyfriend material,” Alex suggested without thinking.

“Ah, thanks babe,” Jungkook winked at her and clicked his tongue. Then froze, eyes going wide as he noticed Hoseok, and stammered, “Uh, I mean…”

“I didn’t mean that as a compliment!” Alex cried, realizing her own mistake. “I mean, I don’t even know how you are, maybe you’re bad and Seychelle just–”

“I’m not bad,” Jungkook defended.

“--wanted to know if Namjoon would be bad by association.”

“She already knew I was good,” Namjoon argued, reaching forward to take uneaten food from plates.

“Wow, really? By date three? Ah, I’m so glad you’re slower to move like me,” Hoseok said to Alex, which meant he missed Namjoon’s facial reaction. It was not pleased. 

Seokjin quickly suggested, “I think he meant just that if you move quickly maybe she thought it was casual sex and that’s why she could ask about Jungkook… were you exclusive?”

“No, not after three dates but…”

���Three dates isn’t too soon to fuck,” Jimin argued, earning a look of amused disbelief from In’am. “Come on, how long did we wait? It felt like an eternity but…”

“Five dates.”

“Yeah, an eternity. Would have been two if I’d had my way…”

“Yes, that’s all I meant,” Hoseok quickly insisted. “You waited until she was ready because you were serious. We did the same. I don’t know, maybe I’m too slow! I’m slow about things like that…”

Alex took his hand beneath the table and grinned at him, “That’s ok though, I am too. Glacially slow.”

“Yes but you just need to find someone who is compatible with you,” Luisa advised. “If you’re both fast or you’re both slow, it’s all right. No one is confused.”

“Well but fast and slow can work together,” Jungkook argued. “A relationship involves compromise. The fast person can slow down and be reassured in other ways that the other person is serious about them even if they want to go slow. That’s not a problem.”

Alex stared at him, baffled, and demanded, “Who have you gone slow for? Who are you and what have you done with Jungkook?!”

“I’m just saying I could and would go slow. For the right person! Jimin, Namjoon, any of us, right? You’d have to be a piece of shit to rush a woman who didn’t want to be rushed–”

“But you move too fast to figure out if a woman is the right person,” Jimin laughed. “You’re fucking her so quickly, maybe afterwards you’re like oh shit, she was the one but I already blew it…”

Jungkook’s smile had a degree of shyness to it as he laughed, “No no that hasn’t happened.”

“Yes, our resident relationship expert,” Namjoon muttered. “I hate when you give decent advice.”

“Oh god, Joon, don’t take relationship advice from him!” Alex gasped. “Talk to literally anyone else in our friend group.”

“Hey, I give good advice,” Jungkook scowled at her.

“About getting laid, not about falling in love. If I had taken your advice…”

He looked genuinely upset now and pressed, “What bad advice did I give you?”

“You told me to have sex fast and stop thinking so much about it!”

At the groans around the table, Jungkook defended, “Ok wait wait that’s out of context, I didn’t say that. Don’t say that, that makes me sound bad! I only give you good and careful advice and look, now you have a boyfriend you’re happy with so why are you blaming me?”

“I’m just saying.”

“The purple thing, right? I told you just to wear anything that would make you comfortable and he’d like it. I encouraged you! I was right about that too, right?”

“Purple thing?” Hoseok repeated, eyebrow arching, and Alex wanted to crawl under the table. Oops. Oops oops fucking oops, this was not where she’d meant the conversation to go.

“Ok ok you’re right, I’m just joking,” she insisted. “You gave me good advice. I know. You can listen to him, Joon.”

“Maybe you should get relationship advice from people in successful relationships,” Jimin suggested.

“Or just follow your own heart,” In’am countered. 

“Ask a woman,” Luisa added. “Oh, unless you also date men?”

“I– why? Do I give off those vibes?” Namjoon asked her skeptically. Luisa shrugged.

Jimin snickered, “Why, Joon? Someone else say that to you recently?” Namjoon sighed and rolled his eyes as Jimin happily shared, “He’s been getting hit on men a lot. Apparently I’m a pretty good wingman…”

“I know men! I can introduce you,” Jungkook tried, like he had something to prove here.

“I’m not paying for any of this food,” Namjoon announced and continued to stuff his face.

Hoseok suddenly leaned in close to Alex’s ear and asked, “What purple thing?”

“Oh, it’s… it’s nothing… a thing I bought to wear on our trip but I wound up not needing it.” She beamed at him, remembering how easy and comfortable she had felt with him… eventually. “Something fun for another day.”

“And your roommate saw this purple thing? Is it the kind of purple thing I think you mean…”

Alex froze. Obviously she should not admit to her boyfriend –post kiss– that Jungkook had in fact seen her in the lingerie she had bought to wear for Hoseok. But she also didn’t want to lie to her boyfriend.

“Lingerie,” she whispered back. “It’s just something nice I ordered because a girl he was with had something like it and recommended– I can show you–” 

Liar liar liar!

She broke off as Hoseok suddenly sat taller, his face lighting up as the live band across the restaurant suddenly made a comment about salsa dancing taking place in the building behind the restaurant.  

“No,” Seokjin sighed, looking instantly between Luisa and Hoseok.

“You dance?” In’am asked, then waved her hand at Hoseok, “Of course, Alex told us all about you used to dance.”

“Let’s go,” Jimin agreed. “Finish eating, quick.”

“We have to pay!”

“The dancing is just starting, there’s no rush.”

Alex let out a deep sigh. Hoseok seemed to have instantly forgotten the question and she could avoid answering it for now, at least until more time was between that kiss and now. It had been over a month now and yet she still felt like she was a matador when Jungkook and Hoseok were in the same place.

She was tired of that. Both had said they would be simple and good. Why didn’t it feel simple and good yet? She wanted that to stop now, thanks. 

In fact, it was going to. Enough was enough! She wasn’t going to stretch herself awkwardly like this. Tightrope walker? She wasn’t born for that. They were going to have to sort their own shit because everything was fine and she was not going to enable awkwardness a moment longer!

So she clapped her hands on the table and agreed, “Yeah, let’s dance! I can’t dance for shit but let’s do it and I hope my boyfriend doesn’t dump me over it!”

“Noooo don’t even joke like that, of course you have my heart no matter how badly you dance.”

She felt an instant flush. His words left her briefly speechless, they were so sweet, leaving her to scramble to throw her card down when it came time to pay and finish drinks and avoid looking at anyone so she wouldn’t burst into flames. 

Hoseok put his hands on her shoulder to steer her forward and leaned in close to whisper, “Don’t worry, I mean it. I’ll teach you all I know. Maybe later you can show me something purple.”

*

Honestly, Alex thought Hoseok might have gone out of his way to fluster her the rest of the evening. His dancing was intimidating to witness. He made it look so easy to move in ways her body simply couldn’t keep up with. He was sweet and encouraging as he taught her steps, and laughed with her when she’d feel awkward sliding her hands down her body or up into the air, or when he did it for her. But it was worth the slight embarrassment to watch him move.

At one point she sat out for a while; she pleaded with him to dance with Luisa instead so she could rehydrate with Seokjin at the edge of the dance floor. Hoseok was reluctant at first but Alex insisted, swore it wasn’t a jealousy thing, begged to just watch him dance for a while, and she didn’t regret that even if the awe was definitely mixed with envy. Luisa was as graceful and natural as he was, and their bodies seemed to roll and spin and bend together. 

It kind of felt like grief, honestly. Her body wouldn’t look or move like Luisa’s, even if she dedicated all her time to trying, and usually that didn’t bother her but right now the dream of being able to move like that kind of got to her. It was one thing not to want something because you didn’t care. It was another to feel like it was beyond your reach. Hoseok clearly loved dancing and Alex sucked. She would never be able to keep up with him. 

“Why are you sitting out?” Jungkook asked, suddenly at her other elbow.

“Why are you sitting out?” she countered. “Notice you haven’t been short a partner.”

He feigned sheepishness, “Well, you know, there’s always more women than men at these things…”

“Collecting phone numbers as souvenirs?”

“Why is he dancing without you though?” he asked, gaze fixated, like hers was, on Hoseok and Luisa.

“I wanted a break. I can’t keep up with him! And I wanted to see what it looks like to really watch him go… isn’t he beautiful?”

“If you say so,” Jungkook shrugged.

“Come on, objectively speaking.”

“Objectively speaking, he fucked up letting you out of his sight. Come dance with me now.”

“What? Wait, no, this is my break– Kookieeee,” she whined to be as annoying as possible as he grabbed her arm and dragged her out. 

She looked back to Seokjin for help but he just laughed, “I’ll guard your water!” 

“How come he gets to sit down?”

“Fine, I’ll dance with him next,” Jungkook joked, then turned to face her. She didn’t like how smoothly he did it, lower lip taught, a mischievous glint in his eye. 

“Don’t do fancy things, I can’t keep up.”

“I don’t know fancy things.”

She scowled at him, “That’s not true, I saw you dancing.”

“Oh you were watching me, huh?” he arched his eyebrow. “Come on, hand up,” he said, reclaiming one of her hands and lifting the other to his ribs. 

“I’m tired–”

“One dance, Alex. He already taught you the step. Back two three, forward two three–”

“I’m not that fast,” she complained because unfortunately Jungkook, just like Hoseok, made it look easy. She knew he could dance well but really? Even salsa? He moved so fluidly, hips swaying attractively as he dragged her forward and backwards. What had happened to the awkward stiff way he moved as a teenager? This sucked. He’d changed and she hadn’t. Everything was stupid.

“That’s ok. One two three, two two three. Back two three, front two three–”

“Don’t count, it doesn’t actually help me it just stresses me out–”

“Ok ok no counting,” he assured her. Hoseok had been counting and she hadn’t realized it bothered her but Jungkook doing it now brought back that same insistent, disappointed voice in her ear –which was a horrible way to think about your boyfriend trying to teach you how to dance!! But she couldn’t keep up and as patient and sweet as Hoseok was about it, she knew she was holding him back. She didn’t like feeling like she was holding someone back. She’d rather watch from the sidelines. But then Jungkook had stolen her from there.

Suddenly Jungkook nudged her side to side instead of back and forth.

“I look like a Barbie doll trying to do this,” she joked. “It’s the only time in my life I look like a barbie doll. My legs are like –you know the way their legs don’t really bend.”

“You’re doing great,” he insisted. She could tell by his vacant look he was counting in his head. 

“You know I have no rhythm.”

“Just–”

“If you tell me to ‘just feel the rhythm’ I will punch you in the nuts.”

“Ah did Hoseok– he’s very good.”

“I know, I told you.”

“But you’re good too. It’s just supposed to be fun–”

“You can’t even say that with a straight face,” she glowered.

He leaned a little lower and kept an intentionally straight face as he repeated, “It’s just supposed to be fun.”

“Dancing is fun for people like you who can do it.”

“It’s not that different than swing,” he said, and suddenly lifted her hand and spun her in a circle. As he returned his hand to her ribs, he accidentally brushed her tit. “Oops. Sorry.” He didn’t look sorry.

“Did you learn to dance just so you can cop a feel with girls on the dance floor?”

“Not girls with boyfriends,” he promised. Then, “Hey. Stop trying to count in your head, you’re getting confused.”

“How can you tell?” 

He laughed, “Your face goes blank.”

“No yours does! Stop talking, I’m hopeless at keeping up then–”

“Alex.” He stopped her, just made them both stand still right there in the middle of the dance floor, in the middle of all the people swaying and spinning and gyrating around them. It felt terrible. It was so wrong to be standing still and awkward in the middle of that. She felt like a rock, like a big slow solitary rock. “See?”

“See what?! This is so awkward,” she said, and pushed him to try to get him to dance.

“Nothing happens if you dance wrong. It’s only awkward if you’re worried about the other people. Who gives a fuck? It doesn’t matter if you’re on time with the music or look like a professional or whatever it is you’re so afraid of.”

“I don’t care what other people think. Stop being weird–”

“Then stop counting and just have fun. We look stupid at home, we can look stupid here, it doesn’t matter.”

“Speak for yourself.”

“That it doesn’t matter?”

“You don’t look stupid,” she pouted.

“And no one who matters thinks you look stupid either. Except when you make that ugly face while you count in your head–”

“Shut up!” she laughed and stopped counting to prove a point. Her moves were off the beat, she could tell. She was clumsy following his lead, even though he was just nudging her forward and back and side to side with an embarrassing predictability –except nowhere near the beat. Totally of it it. Just a mess. But as soon as she’d start to get uncomfortable dancing wrong, he’d spin her and that was fun; for a second she felt like a dainty lady, though she wished she had a nice swirly skirt on or heels or something besides white jeans and sneakers. Yeah, she was wearing white jeans! And she hadn’t dumped anything on them yet! Hallelujah, it was a miracle –as miraculous as the fact that she was laughing as Jungkook spun her out and then back in, his arms wrapped around her from behind.

“Oops, your toe.”

“That’s ok, don’t need ‘em.”

“No?”

“Conversation starter,” he joked. “Women love to pity a man.”

“Well men don’t love a dance partner who looks like a fucking Nutcracker.”

“It’s a unique style– hey are you going to puke on me if I dip you?”

“Why would I puke on you– but no don’t!”

“Ok ok.” He pretended like he was going to anyway and she grabbed onto his upper arms so tight that she had to actually disengage her finger muscles. “I wouldn’t drop you, kitten,” he complained. 

“I’m not a cat.” She swallowed. Kitten should be on the list of unapproved nicknames for sure.

“You are such a cat.”

“I’ll just land on my head and crack my head open–”

“I would never allow that to happen.”

“Accidents happen, I go down hard–”

“Oops, this way,” he suddenly said, and practically lifted her from the floor to turn her away from where they’d almost bumped into another couple. They were probably hard to predict because they were so off rhythm. She couldn’t believe Jungkook would tolerate looking this clunky on the dance floor when there were possible lays watching, but he seemed to be having a great time.

And honestly, she was too. As long as she didn’t look at anyone else or think about them looking at her, it was fun to play with Jungkook. It was fun to have his attention. It was fun for those brief moments where the stars aligned and he managed to push or pull or spin her in a way that made her feel like she looked cool. She looked cool with one of the most attractive guys in the room. For the moment, she was the chosen one.

Jungkook’s voice threatened to pull her out as he interrupted her Star Moment to say, “Hey, you know it’s ok to follow your own rhythm, right? You don’t have to match someone else’s if you don’t want to.”

It was so strange it made her pause and look up at him, fumbling the step so that she stayed put and he stepped into her, pressing her race right into that musclebunny chest of his. It sounded like a line from a movie. Scripted. It didn’t sound like Jungkook at all and yet it… did? An older, more mature, less recognizable Jungkook?

What the fuck was going on with him, giving fortunte cookie advice like that?! 

“I turn my back for two minutes,” Hoseok laughed, coming up to them. “I didn’t mean to leave you bored! You said you wanted a break!”

Jungkook stepped backwards and was immediately separated from them by other dancing couples. It was dramatic and unnecessary. It wasn’t like Hoseok was mad or could be mad just because she danced with a friend. She could dance with Jimin and Namjoon and Seokjin too, it was fine. Jungkook wasn’t in trouble! 

But she felt a little in trouble too. A little guilty over being so winded from dancing and laughing and spinning. It was less stressful to dance with Jungkook. Because she wasn’t as worried about impressing him! Or keeping up! Would Hoseok notice she’d had more fun with her friend? Oops. It’s just that it felt like dancing with her was less of a sacrifice to Jungkook… or something…

To banish the guilt, she danced with Hoseok again even though she was really feeling done. She did her best to keep up. She tried to match her counting to his. But her body was just always a little too slow and stiff; she was always a beat behind and her hips didn’t sway so wiggly like that and she didn’t have the confidence to smolder the way you were supposed to when you danced salsa. She wanted to look at Hoseok with sexy bedroom eyes, so he would know, and so anyone watching would know, that they had great sex and he enjoyed being with her, even though her dancing didn’t come close to his. She didn’t want the people who watched him dance with such obvious admiration to then see them dance together and wonder what he was thinking. They probably were thinking that. Why wouldn’t they be?

But Hoseok, to his credit, didn’t seem to be thinking it. He got a little tense during the dancing itself, but when they decided to call it a night –long after Jungkook had left after taking some pictures ‘for Seychelle’, after Namjoon got lost in conversation with some new woman he met and disappeared, long after Alex begged to be set free and made herself comfortable at the table with Seokjin and refused to budge– when finally it was time to go, Hoseok threw his arm around her shoulder all smiles, kissed the top of her head, and deemed,

“That was fun, right?”

“So fun.”

“You coming home with me now?”

“I sure hope so but I am definitely going to want to use your shower.”

“Can’t handle a little more sweat first….?” He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she caved in theory… but when they got to his place, insisted on showering first anyway, pointing out that she didn’t want to get into his bed all sweaty. See, she could get her way too, she just needed to speak Hoseok’s language! Nothing wrong with a shower before and a shower after sex! Being clean and orgasmed was as nice as the way his hands rubbed her tight calves afterwards.

“I’m not a dancer,” she laughed, embarrassed by his caretaking but not enough to ask him to stop. It was sweet and domestic, curled up in bed with him, both of them freshly (separately!) showered, his fingers pressing out the sore spots from her legs.

“Ah well I’m happy you danced so much with me even if you don’t like it.”

“I like it! I’m just not very good. I feel bad I can’t keep up with you yet.”

“That’s ok, I just like dancing with you,” he insisted and she blossomed at the reassurance. He was sweet. Why had she let herself get so self conscious about holding angel Hobi back? He didn’t mind at all. It wasn’t like he’d dump her for being bad at salsa! She looked down and felt glad she had just shaved that day; the smoothness of her legs really only lasted twenty-four hours. 

“Hey,” he said. At first she thought he was about to tell her she missed a spot shaving, but his voice sounded more serious than that. “Did you see Jungkook’s instagram tonight?”

“Huh? No, why? He post something thirsty?”

Hoseok looked to the side and she flinched at her own joke because he didn’t seem to be very amused.

“I don’t want to cause problems,” he said. “I’m trying to ignore ah… I know you said you talked to him, and he had that awkward talk with me too…” Right, the thing at the concert was crazy awkward. She couldn’t believe it when Hoseok had told her about it, that Jungkook had done that. And yet it had also greatly endeared him to her. He’d been willing to do that motifying thing to try and not cause problems between her and her boyfriend? It was sweet. It was such a real Jungkook thing to do.

Now she worried what the latest “real Jungkook” thing was though and grabbed her phone to see for herself. She hadn’t been looking at other people’s social media much lately, mostly just posting happy pictures of her own relationship, excited to be part of that lifestyle for once.

Sure enough, Seychelle’s comment that Jungkook hadn’t been posting lately was true; he had nothing for nearly a month before his most recent post: a photo Alex thought was harmless other than being a weird fit for his page. The aesthetic was all wrong. Jungkook had a rule about never posting a photo of just himself with another woman; said it blocked his game, whereas group photos of him with attractive groups of people made women speculate and reach out about if he was still single or not. 

So then what the fuck was up with this photo, which was just the two of them? Not anyone else in the group, just Jungkook and Alex, him behind her with an arm around her upper chest and a big grin on his face, her winking and pointing at the camera. 

“Oh that’s a cute picture of… um… me,” she blurted out, barely saving it halfway through. 

“It is,” Hoseok agreed, eyes closed like he couldn’t believe she’d said that.

“Sorry, I meant… well, I’m cute in it.”

“You are,” he agreed. But she was distracted now by the caption. 

Salsa night: no gochu left behind.

“It’s a joke about–”

“I’m Korean, Alex, I know what gochu means.”

“Yeah but it’s not about his dick, it’s about– he used to call me um, gochu-noona because–”

“Alex.”

“Because our families compete about who makes the spiciest food and my family always wins and I’m like a week older than him,” she said. “Seriously.”

“And the hashtags?”

#tapas #salsanight #sweaty #dancingthenightaway #favwithmyfav #eternity #norhythmbutmakeitcute #happyselfie #nofomo #justme #andthisgoblinIfound #welookgoodaf #noegojusttruth #nofilter #bestpest

“What are you doing,” she sighed, looking through the list. Honestly she had no clue how that might look to someone else, because it was a lot of inside jokes, or nonsense, or generic. Or whatever. She didn’t know! Honestly if Hoseok wasn’t looking at her like that she might not have thought anything of it on her own.

But yeah. It was kind of a weird post when it completely broke the careful aesthetic of his page. And the tags were less mocking than they should have been.

And beneath it:

Avettegrace: awww looking good is that your little sister?

TheJK.97: definitely not

Definitely not?? What did that mean? In this context?

“I don’t know, he’s being weird,” she said. “Maybe he was jealous I only danced with him the one time.”

Hoseok’s mouth turned down as he nodded and pulled his hands off her legs.

“Oh no, the unhappy frown…”

“I just think…” He sighed and wouldn’t look at her. “It feels like he’s baiting me.”

“For why?”

“Alex… don’t make me say it again…”

“Come on, he’s not…”

“He’s in love with you,” Hoseok said. “He’s so obvious about it. He’s not even trying to hide it anymore. ‘We look good af, no ego just truth?’ ‘Fav with my fav?’ Did you even notice the way he grabbed you when I walked over when you were dancing?”

“He didn’t grab me, I just stopped dancing and he ran into me.”

“He was all over you–”

“He wasn’t and stop saying that,” she snapped. “That’s not fair. I’m allowed to dance with my friend.”

Hoseok gestured with his hands, “Yeah you are but I’m worried if you still don’t think it’s obvious.”

“It’s not obvious because I’m telling you it doesn’t mean that. We’re just friends. I’m sorry if it’s upsetting you or making you jealous, I’m trying so hard not to do that, but I don’t think it’s fair if you’re telling me I can’t–”

“I haven’t said you can’t do anything,” Hoseok interrupted. “Have I? I think I’m being really understanding. You live with this guy! You keep saying he’s your best friend, but if that’s true, where’s his respect for your relationship? I think he’s trying to make me look like a jealous asshole so you’ll run right to him.”

“Hobi. He can’t lie his way out of a paper bag, there’s no way he can pull off a manipulation of that level.”

“He’s a total fuckboy!”

“Ok that’s the second time tonight you’ve been kind of Puritan,” Alex said.

He looked sincerely chastised at least, “Sorry. I don’t mean it like that… I just mean… his whole thing is manipulating women.”

“It’s not. He’s very upfront with what he wants, and a lot of women want that too. He wouldn’t last a day if he tried to lie to women.”

“But you thought this was off when you read it just a minute ago,” Hoseok insisted. 

“I…” She looked at the photo and the caption again, at the comments gathering beneath. 

Is this like a sponsored post for noom or something? Who tf is this girl?

As quickly as she saw it, suddenly the comment was gone. Jungkook or someone else was actively looking at the comments right now and deleting them. But that didn’t mean Alex didn’t know they were there. Was it stupid that for a moment she’d lived in a world where it was just a cute picture of her and her friend and the world was not shitty and he had not cultivated a gathering of shitty shallow people who’d immediately point out the non-aesthetic addition to his page? Maybe people thought the same thing when they saw her with Hoseok, but he cultivated a circle of sunshine and love and support and she felt safe in it. Accepted. Except for a night like tonight when she was clearly an anchor on Hoseok’s beautifully dancing ankle, she was beginning to feel like she could look right with him. Yes, the dancing had been a step backwards, but honestly dancing with Jungkook had soothed her wounded ego in a way she couldn’t have articulated at the time.

“Look,” she tried, “Maybe he posted this tonight trying to be a good friend… he knew I was feeling a little um… just kinda down on myself because I can’t dance the way you do.”

Hoseok’s tone change was instant, expression too as he reached for her hand, “Wait, what?”

“You’re a beautiful dancer, and I love watching you! But it’s stressful and hard trying to keep up and you kept trying to count but it didn’t really help, it just made me more stressed… so that’s why Jungkook was dancing with me, because he saw I felt kind of… bad about myself.”

“Alex,” he frowned, and scooted closer. “Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t want to make you feel bad about yourself! I love dancing, but I really love dancing with you, no matter how experienced you are.”

“I don’t think experience is the issue,” she snorted.

“That’s fine. I don’t need you to be a star dancer. I just really enjoyed dancing with you!”

It was sweet. He was saying the right thing.

And yet it just wasn’t quite as comforting as Jungkook taking her hand and saying stop worrying about the beat, stop worrying about other people, just do some little spins with me, see? Fun!

It was fun. 

“OK. I know. I had a lot of fun too.”

“If I’m doing anything to make you feel bad, please tell me right away! I want to know and fix it!”

Alex didn’t want to be overwhelmed with him trying to belatedly soothe her. Jungkook had already done that, and it was fine. Hoseok didn’t understand what it was like to be on this side of the relationship; he didn’t know what it was like to be the Alex. Jungkook didn’t either recently but he sort of did in the past and anyway, he just knew her better. He noticed. He cheered her up.

Although she didn’t really think the instagram post could be for or about her. It couldn’t be. What did he expect her to take away from this? What was he trying to say or prove or had he not thought at all about it? For all he knew she wouldn’t even see it.

Did that count as another lie to Hoseok? Fuck! In trying not to look at him, Alex looked back at her phone.

AshriAngel: Omg new gf debut? She’s so cute! You two are adorable together!

That comment had been left up, Alex noticed. No response. 

Oh, wait. 

TheJK.97 likes this.

“I’ll talk to him,” she said as her stomach flipped with dread.

Maybe it was an accident. Maybe his reading comprehension was low. He didn’t have his contacts or glasses on. He was drunk. He was half asleep. Maybe he was actively fucking someone right now with his phone one in hand because he wasn’t totally into it but enough into it that it made it hard to read. Maybe he just meant to like it because someone was calling her cute instead of being an asshole.

Although, honestly, there were a few comments saying she was cute or pretty, which was a few more than she had expected on a page like Jungkook’s, full of people so focused on appearances when she was definitely not that and it showed. In the grid of Jungkook’s photos, it started to look less like a good picture of her…

AnitaLove: saw this coming from a mile away. Congrats! 

“Sorry, ok, let me message him–”

“It can wait until tomorrow. Let’s just sleep.”

“No no people are running away with this, and I have a wonderful actual boyfriend, I don’t want the internet being confused for a single hot second.”

“I don’t care about what the internet thinks,” Hoseok insisted. “I care about what the guy you live with thinks your status is.”

“I know, hold on… he’s just dumb, Hobi. He just has a shriveled pea brain sometimes and doesn’t think things through… like a pea that rolled under the counter and you didn’t notice it for a week…”

[Alex]: come on with this instagram post what is this?

[JK]: its a cute photo!

[Alex]: some of your followers agree and the others are assholes

[JK]: eh they’re just jealous enjoy it 

[Alex]: yeah guess who else is jealous that you made it look like Im your gf?

[Alex]: why would you do that?

[JK]: I didn’t do anything its just a pic

[JK]: I can’t help if people jump to conclusions

[Alex]: it’s not cool bro, it’s a good pic of us but it doesn’t need to be on your insta

[JK]: you want me to delete it??

[JK]: :( :( :(

[JK]: we never take good pictures together you’re always making a face

[Alex]: YOU are always making a face!

[Alex]: I don’t care about the picture it just needs to not seem like you’re saying I’m your gf

[Alex]: I dont get why you want to keep it up so bad

[JK]: fine your loss 🤪 lotta girls would kill for that position

[Alex]: i’m going to strangle you

[JK]: 🥴 ok if you insist

[Alex]: omg get laid, will you??

[JK]: oh I am don’t worry about me 😜

She immediately stopped responding to him. She felt like she’d licked a battery and didn’t really want to know more. 

Anyway, it didn’t matter; within two minutes there was a new picture posted, Jungkook standing at a mirror that was not in their apartment, wearing a tank top and his sweatpants hanging low enough you could see the band of his underwear and a glimpse of skin. Alex couldn’t tell if it was just taken or an older one, nothing about his appearance was different enough to confirm.

Caption: ah I see, I scared some of you. Didn’t think I have friends? Fucked up. I’m still a lone wolf when it comes to love … but you won’t catch me crying about it. Life is too short to waste time so let’s get it /// Ladies where you at?

“Ugh, is that better? So gross, he sounds like a fucking cretin…” She thrust her phone at Hoseok. He was staring at his own and glanced at it only briefly. “What are you frowning about?”

“Some of the commenters on this photo are just assholes. I’m reporting them.”

“Reporting who?? Oh, the people saying– forget it. Have you been sitting there doing that the whole time?” She thought of that deleted comment. It was Hoseok then, not Jungkook who was watching out for her? No, Hoseok hadn’t been on his phone then.

“No! I just thought I’d check.”

“To see if anyone was being an asshole about the way I look?”

“What? No! To see if I was right that other people thought it looked like a post saying you’re his girlfriend. And they do!”

“Well now he’s posted this new one clarifying, and I’ll have a talk with him about it and–”

“How far will you let him go before you stop making excuses for him?” Hoseok demanded.

Alex leaned away, taken aback.

“I’m sorry,” Hoseok said. “I don’t mean to sound like that. But you’re so close and you care so much about him, how hard is he going to have to work to steal you–”

“He can’t steal me because I’m not a thing,” she interrupted. “And what he wants doesn’t matter because I’m where I want to be. I’m sorry he’s making you feel insecure but that’s crazy to me because I thought I’m so obvious about how happy I am to be with you? Do you doubt me?”

“No. No, I don’t…”

“Then trust me. I’ll talk to him again. But I need you to not look for proof of something when it’s not there. I’m telling you the pictures or comments or teasing don’t mean what you’re afraid they mean. He doesn’t realize how it sounds because nothing has ever been serious about me before. Like it doesn’t occur to him before posting that someone would ever think he’d date me.”

“All right… I do trust you, Alex. I’m just afraid this is heading for disaster and you’re going to get hurt in this and I don’t want to be the one who hurts you. I don’t think it’s going to be me and I’m worried about you–”

“You think he’s going to hurt me? How?!”

“I don’t know. I just worry. I just care about you.”

“Well if it’s him then your worries are solved, huh?”

Hoseok frowned and took her hand and pulled her into a hug, “No, that’s not what I’m saying. I don’t want to be jealous. I trust you and I feel secure with you. I’m just not sure I trust him…”

“Please try?”

He sighed, “Yes, I’ll try.”

“Oh, it’s that easy? I just ask and–”

“Yeah it’s that easy,” he sighed, more loudly, smiling a little now. “It’s because I’m weak to you. I can’t say no when you look at me so cute… and I do trust you. I don’t want you to think I’m jealous or possessive… I just…”

“I know. It’s ok. I’ll talk to him.”

There wasn’t much left to say about it. With the new post up and the women of instagram rejoicing, Alex put her phone away and stretched out beside Hoseok in bed. It was a relief to talk of other things instead –of dancing, and whether Seokjin and Luisa were going to become a thing for real, and whether Hoseok was going to go visit his parents for Chuseok next month, and whether Hoseok should bring a gift when he met Alex’s parents soon.

“No, don’t,” she begged.

“I’m going to,” he said. “I have to.”

“No, it’s my birthday, they don’t get a gift. I’m their gift, me being their daughter.”

“My parents will actually disown me if I meet yours without a gift. I have to make a good first impression!”

“Are you capable of making a bad one? I can’t picture it.”

“I want to amaze them,” he insisted.

“You will.” She gave him a kiss. “If nothing else, I know they’ll be amazed by you. Who could resist?”

He seemed pleased by her confidence. She was pleased he seemed pleased. She was glad he was happy, and she was happy, and Jungkook…

Hoseok couldn’t be right. The people reacting on instagram were just misunderstanding a post lacking in context. Jungkook’s intentions were good but he didn’t always think things through, like what a sudden post like that might lead people to believe. He definitely didn’t have the brainpower for the type of manipulation Hoseok was accusing him of. He was her sweet, charming, smart but also kinda dumb BFF. His heart was in the right place, even if his brain wasn’t always. And that place for his heart was right there in his own chest, definitely not in her possession. There was no way Jungkook was in love with her,  just because he seemed kind of odd sometimes, and done strange things like this more frequently in the past month. But hey, for all she knew he was still trying to start something with Rebekah! Or… no, that didn’t seem quite right either…

Maybe he’d just always been this weird and she hadn’t noticed until she had a foot on more stable ground? But that made her sad. She wanted to be right there in the weirdness with him. Not to make her boyfriend jealous but because that was home. That was safe and comfortable and she was pretty weird too. Couldn’t people just understand that they were weird, not in love? They were not that. They had been friends forever and they would be friends forever and they did not look cute together the way AshriAngel apparently thought. What the fuck was Anita talking about, “saw that coming from a mile away”??

Alex fell asleep trying to avoid thinking about an interesting dilemma her brain posed at the nudge of those comments: that as much as she loved being seen on the dance floor as Hoseok’s chosen partner, with Jungkook she had stopped thinking about anyone else at all… 

But of course there was no dilemma. There was no debate. It was just an interesting juxtaposition, that was all! One she was not interested in thinking about a moment longer!

So of course her brain decided to keep her up with it for as long as possible, until she finally managed to fall asleep, and then her brain wove it into her dreams too, of dancing with Jungkook: the beat was erratic, their kigurumi were wrong, the music the wrong genre, they weren’t even on a dance floor she didn’t think, and the world didn’t really have definition or make sense. But still, they danced. 

“Reload. Alex… Alex, reload!” Jungkook shouted at her, nudging her with his elbow. She shook her head and did but it was too late, she’d already been taken out. That was a thing that sucked about this particular game –or most of the games, honestly, that you couldn’t do any real kind of cover for your friend when they temporarily spaced out. Usually that was more of a Jungkook thing anyway, but Alex was spacing out a lot tonight.

“Ok, fuck this game,” he said, figuring it wasn’t holding her interest. “What do you want to do, hockey? Basketball?”

“Hm…” She pursed her lips into a duck pout as she looked around the arcade. And apparently failed to see anything that really drew her.

“Need me to boost you up so you can see your options?” he teased, reaching for her arms as if he would just haul her up. 

“No no don’t pick me up,” she cried, predictably flapping her hands at him. That felt better. More like her. Jungkook felt a tension in his stomach ease as he pointed in a direction and hoped she would follow. 

She did. At least physically. But her mind continued to be far away and Jungkook wasn’t sure why. His initial fear (hope) that she was fighting with Hoseok had been regrettably shot down as soon as he suggested it. He asked about work but she said it was normal and turned the question on him, asking if any milfs had picked him up recently. He’d spun a story that was mostly lies and she’d nodded along as if she either believed it or didn’t care.

“You ok? Upset stomach or something?” he asked to distract her as they passed that shittyass lightning game her boyfriend had been suspiciously so lucky at. 

“Yeah, I guess…”

“Would you rather head home and watch a movie or something?” he asked. He stopped and she crashed into him and was slow to push away. “I can make ramen or something. Too much for your tummy? Rice?”

“Huh?”

“Uh… your stomach– come on, what’s up with you tonight?”

“Nothing, how about skeet ball?”

“Skeet ball,” he repeated under his breath. He’d noticed she didn’t call it that around her boyfriend. “Yeah ok you just want to throw something?”

“Kinda yeah, why not? How’s your ticket collection coming?”

“Ah, good question… let’s play and then go take a look, I was getting close…” He bounded around her, hoping his energy would transfer and she would perk up. No luck. He’d already offered candy and pizza but she’d barely picked at either and, truth be told, he was starting to panic. He didn’t really even know why, it just felt like something heavy was about to land on him unless he could distract her long enough until it passed.

They set up in adjacent lanes for skee ball and timed their throws to alternate so they wouldn’t mess each other up. Sometimes the fun was in messing each other up, but he didn’t today, instead focused on maximizing his tickets. Maybe he should go ahead and buy something no matter what it was; that could be exciting. Sure, he was saving up for the big stuff but what was the point if Alex wasn’t having fun with him along the way?

“Woah, holy shit Alex,” he snorted as her second ball hit the ramp way too hard and popped up into his lane. “The fuck are you doing here, pitching for the Majors?”

“Oops!”

“Shit why do I feel like you just aimed that at my head….”

She gave him a wild look, “No! Why would I do that?”

“Ok She-Hulk, nice and easy–”

“Don’t mansplain skee ball to me,” she scoffed and glared but her heart wasn’t in it. And the fact she hadn’t made some crude joke about him being an expert at sinking his ball into holes hurt, it really did. 

So when skee ball was done, he nudged her towards the ticket machine, deciding it was time to break his no cheat rule. Today was the day. Time to cheat. Right? Right, he wouldn’t regret it? Fuck, what if he regretted it and just felt angry with himself later for giving in– he had rules for a reason!

He tapped his card at the reader and looked at the total: 18,731. He needed 21,500 to get both the Slushie machine and the Rottweiler, and his goal had always been to save up for both at the same time. But looking at her now, that sense of dread nudged him forward. 

“Ok, slug bug, it’s time,” he said, drumming briefly on her head. Her squawk of complaint was music to his ears as she batted his hand away.

“Time for what?”

“Slushie machine or puppy, which are we bringing home?”

“What?”

“That’s right, it’s time.”

“But I thought you were saving up for both–”

“Yeah but why? Anyway, the place could close down in a week and then I lose everything,” he pointed out. “Sometimes you gotta cash in early.”

She shrugged, “Nah, I’d help you break in and claim what’s yours.”

“Really?!”

“Yeah, we could pull it off.”

“Unless the employees ransack the prizes,” he countered, but the idea of casing the joint with her was a breath of fresh air. “How would we do it?”

“Uh… well… picking a lock would be the easiest, otherwise we’d need to break into the mall at night and break the padlock on the metal grate thing. Mall cameras would probably notice us.”

He nodded, eager for the fantasy as they walked to the counter, “Yeah sure but we should use someone else’s computer to watch videos about how to pick locks so it’s not in our history. Maybe my brother’s. Ah, we should put on uniforms and insist we’re supposed to be in here, just in case we get caught.”

“Right, ok. And then either the shit you want is just sitting out in the open on the shelves.”

“No no,” he said, “It can’t be that easy.”

“Why not? Why can’t it be easy?” she demanded. “Why does everything have to be hard?!”

“Um…” He looked at her, feeling like there was something else behind what she just said but also a little afraid to push. Was she fighting with Hoseok?! Ok. Ok, he needed to not get too excited. A single fight didn’t mean they were going to break up –it was just really rare, they didn’t seem to fight often, so it could mean that. But if he seemed too eager about it, Alex would get defensive and clam up like the little hedgehog she could be and he wouldn’t get to be there for her during this emotional and difficult but overall good transition. There would be life after Hoseok. Good life after Hoseok. He’d still be there!

At the counter, they had to wait for some little kids to spend their tickets, and it gave him time to continue the fantasy, “Uh, because we’ll look amazing in catsuits. Is that what they call the all black? Like with the harnesses?”

“Maybe you will,” she scoffed.

“Seriously? You’d look banging,” he said. “You need one that’s got pistol holsters like right here so when you cross your arms over your chest when you’re being all pouty, you can also just grab your guns and unload on–”

He was thrilled when she acted this out, even made a fake firing sound, and admitted, “Ok, that’s pretty cool. But those outfits are unforgiving.”

“What do you need forgiveness for?”

“I mean they show everything–”

“Exactly,” he grinned. 

“You’re sick.”

Jungkook couldn’t help the happy future film that began to play in his head: teasing Alex, her saying he was sick, him agreeing and leaning in to kiss and grope her– ah!! Even just those two seconds flustered him. He didn’t let these fantasies play out because it felt like getting into water that was too hot or too cold, something; it made him shiver and it felt like it wasn’t time yet, like he needed to let the water reach a better temperature. If he could just be patient, hold onto that self control…

She might still not choose him. She might never have feelings for him like that. But maybe there was something they could work out… honestly anything would be better than this right now…

“Ok which do you think would be better?” Jungkook asked, meaning ‘to comfort you during your heartbreak.’ “Slushie machine or we finally bring home our baby?”

“I think we should wait on both,” she admitted.

“What? No! Why?”

“I just… I don’t know… you had a plan, you should stick to it.”

“No, I’m tired of waiting. Yes, hi! I want that dog!” he stepped boldly forward and slapped his card down on the counter so he could point. 

Tyler, the college kid they had seen almost every Thursday for months now, grinned, “Yeah, man? Really? You’ve finally got enough?”

“Oh I’ve got way more than enough. I’m coming for that Slushie machine next. But today, the lady needs a puppy.”

“I’m not a lady and I don’t need a puppy,” Alex said, pressing up against the counter. 

He had never been so sure in his life that he needed to bring this dog home right now. There was the perfect place for it in the living room now, in full sight of the front door. The thing was so big and huggable. They could use a baby in their lives right now.

“She’s kidding,” Jungkook said, throwing his arm around her shoulder. “Oh shit, I should make a video!” He yanked his phone out, and when Alex was a poor sport and again insisted they shouldn’t get the dog today, he shushed her and recorded Tyler dragging out the ladder, climbing up, and carting down the 3-foot stuffed dog.

“Our baby!” Jungkook cried as Tyler set the dog on the counter. He panned to Alex’s unamused glare, though her eyeroll and the twitch at the edge of her lips showed hidden amusement. She was playing along now, he thought. 

He felt no sense of regret as Tyler scanned the 6500 tickets off his card, just grabbed Alex in close so they could take a selfie with the dog’s head tucked into the picture.

“What are we going to name him?” Jungkook asked, giving the dog a kiss on the nose and scratching behind his ears. “Oh I think he likes that–”

“You’re unhinged,” she snickered. 

“Come oooon, our apartment doesn’t allow pets, this is the closest I can get.”

“You name him, he’s your dog,” Alex shrugged, grabbing his card off the counter as he was just about to walk away without it. His arms were full when he lifted the pup.

“What about… Bruce, no. Tiny? Eh. Um…”

“Are we going home now?” Alex asked.

Jungkook gasped, “Oh should we keep playing some games with him? Let’s play air hockey, he can be on my team. We can take pictures of him playing all the games here before we take him home, just like his mom and dad–”

“Please don’t post pictures of him on instagram and call me his mom.”

“Alex,” Jungkook whined. “Don’t reject our baby.”

“I’m… not, I just–”

“Ok, you need a hug right now, I get it. Here, hug him and help me think of a name,” Jungkook said, thrusting it against her chest. The thing was fucking huge next to her. It was the most endearing thing ever. She was nearly hidden when she hugged the thing. It made him laugh as he wrapped his arms around them both.

“Ok. See? Everything is going to be ok. You can get hugs from either of us whenever you want, or we can just sit next to you on the couch and watch movies and eat ice cream or– you know, whatever helps!”

“Helps?” Alex repeated. “Yeah. Your um hard time,” he said vaguely. Shit, he shouldn’t have mentioned it in case it was going to make her feel worse right now. When she pulled away, he took the dog so it wouldn’t crush her and added, “Just, I mean, just let me know what you need. You want to keep playing or go home?”

“What I need for what?”

“Uh, you know…”

“I’m not on my period, is that what you’re accusing me of? Just because–”

“No!” he quickly defended, knowing full well Alex did not like if you made even the slightest hint her emotionality might be related to that. It was so bad, it tricked him into saying the slightly worse, “I mean if you’re um ending things with…”

For a second she just blinked at him, and then said evenly, “I’m not ending things with– you think I’m breaking up with Hobi?”

“Uh…” Uh oh. Uh oh, not the response he’d expected. He reached up with one arm and pinched at his neck, the dog awkwardly held in a chokehold in his other elbow. “No? I thought… I thought maybe that’s why you’re in a bad mood tonight…”

“No. No things are fine between me and Hobi,” she said, and he saw her eyes sharpen in a way that made him nervous. “Except for the part where every few days I have to reassure him that my best friend isn’t trying to break us up and to be honest, I’m not so sure anymore!”

“No no no Alex, that’s not what– I wasn’t trying to break you up! I thought you were having a fight with him, that’s all I meant–”

“Yeah but you looked happy about it?! That’s so fucked up!”

“Hey. Can you guys uh take that outside?” Tyler called over. “There are… kids and… stuff…” He trailed off under the heat of Alex’s gaze. 

But she did take off at an angry clip, and Jungkook followed after her, desperately explaining, “Ok, well uh, great then! You’re still together and still happy and–”

“I told you not to buy that dog today,” she said. “This is exactly why.”

“Why is why?”

“Because I have to talk to you about– about the way you’re being lately and I’m afraid it’s not going to go the way it needs to go!”

“What does that mean?!”

She held her tongue until they were outside, face to face on a sidewalk under the parking lot lights. Then she whirled on him,

“You’re still being weird. About everything. You’re posting pictures that make it seem like we’re a couple. You’re weird to Hobi. You’re possessive of me.”

“I’m not! I’m not those things!”

“I have a boyfriend, Jungkook, and it’s not you!”

He recoiled. He had been prepared to say something else, but whatever it was, it was lost at the instant shame and hurt hearing her shout that at him.

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “I know. Why are you–”

“No, so why are you? Am I crazy? You– you’re decorating our house, you’re buying us a baby, you’re posting to Instagram and totally ruining your aesthetic–”

“I– that’s just– you’re the one who’s being weird about it,” he tried.

“Are you trying to fuck Rebekah? Do you like her?”

The question was so fucking insane that he spluttered, “The fuck are you even talking about? Rebekah?! No.”

“Then why? Why all this–”

“It’s nothing!” 

“When you kissed me, was that nothing? Was it really nothing?”

Jungkook froze. Her question confused him. His panic caught and he went completely still and stared at her. Was she… was she asking because it wasn’t nothing to her? Or was that crazy? Was she not fighting with Hoseok because she was instead fighting with herself? All these things she’d noticed, why? He’d tried to be really objective about his own behavior and honestly didn’t think he was acting any different than he ever had before, except being a little more hands off, fewer pet names, that kind of thing. But if she was noticing those things more now, why? 

It couldn’t– did it mean– did she– it could be that she was having the same–

No.

No, it wasn’t possible.

But. 

Unless?

This was a harder situation for Alex. She was the one in a relationship. His feelings were already confusing but at least he didn’t have anyone else making him question or wonder. Hoseok was a great guy and Jungkook knew his relationship with Alex was a lot of good things. He could totally understand why she wouldn’t want to just throw that away over confusion about how she felt for her best friend who she’d not thought about like that ever before. But maybe she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the kiss either.

He could make this easier for her. She needed proof he was brave and strong and serious? Fine!

He set the dog down.

“Jungkook,” she said and took a step back.

He held up his hands and said, “The kiss was an accident but I don’t regret it.”

“Ju–”

“I think about it all the time. I want to kiss you again.”

“Jungkook, stop–”

He stepped forward but stopped himself from grabbing her arms, knowing she wouldn’t like that, not wanting to ruin the moment as he confessed, “I am not trying to get in between you and your boyfriend. But I am in love with you and if you’re having doubts right now about your relationship and–”

“Jungkook no–”

“--maybe you just need to know how I feel to help you understand that– that I feel that way about you and–”

“No, fuck, stop!” she said, hands lifting to her face. “Stop stop stop just stop talking!”

“But–”

“Just stop! Please!”

“Alex–”

“I said stop!”

He’d reached for her, but she flailed and he took a step back. He felt like he’d ripped his chest open, ripped his skin off, dumped his guts at her feet, and now he was frantic for a response from her. A real one. He needed her to help him put his skin back on right away because this, this was awful, this was terrifying, this was the scariest most dangerous thing he’d ever done and he couldn’t tell by her face what she was thinking. Always he felt like he could read her mind but not right now when it mattered most and oh god oh fuck, what if she was going to say–

“Stop saying that. You are not in love with me.”

“I definitely am–”

“You aren’t,” she said. Was she angry? No. No, but she looked angry… He had not expected her to look angry. He wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “You aren’t! You don’t know anything about being in love! You don’t– you’re not in love with me, Jungkook–”

“Yes I am!”

“You can’t be.”

“I am!”

It was like he’d flipped a switch; she got all red and sputtered, “What the fuck? Mr. Fuckboy Jeon? Who plows through women from his instagram like it’s a fucking Denny’s menu–”

“Hey now–”

“And me!? You get ‘mad pussy’,” she said, air quotes, not a good sign. “And you’re going to turn around and say you’re in love with me. You’re not even a little attracted to me but–”

“Yes I am!”

“--Uh huh, so what is it, romantic love? What, soulmate love?” Fuck she could be so mean. He hadn’t had her anger aimed at him like this in a long long time.

“Yes!” he cried, trying to combat her anger with earnestness.

“No. You’re not in love with me, you’re just throwing a tantrum because I’ve met someone wonderful and you didn’t, and you can’t just keep me as a fucking housewife–”

“You were never a housewife! What are you talking about–”

“No I was your buddy. For years! For so many fucking years! And there was never even a hint of feelings you had for me and then suddenly–”

“That’s not entirely true but–”

“It’s true! What, the joke about us getting married when we were fourteen because I was the only girl you were brave enough to talk to? Yeah, real romantic! Just what I dream of, being someone’s safety, just slightly better than dying alone! And now you’re losing that safety and acting out–”

“I’m not a fucking toddler!” he shouted, needled into it. “Stop talking about me like that! So maybe it takes me a long time to figure out my feelings but you don’t get to tell me they aren’t true–”

“I do when I have to show you that you’re– you’re ruining everything!”

“What?” He took another step back. No, no, this felt all wrong. The flood of regret warred with his desperate hope that this was still Alex putting up a front. He was bad at feelings, but she was too! And she had more to lose right now. More to be afraid of. Sometimes he asked what she wanted to eat and she said nothing but then if he didn’t make her something she’d wind up stealing all his food anyway. Maybe this was just that, except about love instead of food. 

“I’m not ruining anything,” he insisted, stepping forward again, determined to make her understand. “I–”

“Yeah you love me, you said that. Suddenly. Out of the blue. After how many years of not even noticing I’m a fucking woman now you’re suddenly pining for me? Bullshit! It would be one thing if I believed you right now and you're throwing our friendship away in some misguided attempt to confess but– but you don’t love me and so this is fucking cruel!”

“I do! Alex! I would never be that to you, ever. Why would I lie about this? This is fucking humiliating! You aren’t saying it back, you’re just telling me I’m wrong about my own– you don’t know what I think! You don’t know how I feel!”

“I’ve known everything you think and feel for our entire friendship and there was never any interest in me. So tell me what the fuck suddenly changed–”

“I don’t know! I’m growing up! I’m figuring it out! I thought you didn’t want a relationship with anyone so I– I thought you were happy with me before–”

“You thought I wanted to be someone’s housewife while they’re just off fucking everyone who slides into their DMs?”

“You weren’t my housewife. I don’t know why you keep saying that–”

“You thought I liked always being alone and left behind? You couldn’t even calm your dick enough to go to Jimin’s fucking wedding with me as a friend–”

“Well I want to go with you now!”

“Oh yeah? Now? So suddenly?” 

“It just changed, ok?!” he shouted. 

“I’ll tell you what changed,” she said, practically spit the words at his face. “Now when I have someone who loves me and who I love and I’m happy and my world doesn’t revolve around you anymore, so you suddenly–”

“You love him?”

“Suddenly you want to say whatever it takes to keep me–”

“Yes! Yes, I do. I want to keep you to myself. I want you to be mine, not his. That doesn’t mean what I’m saying is a lie!” 

His head was spinning. She loved Hoseok. She couldn’t tell Jungkook she loved him, but she just dropped that like it was the easiest thing in the world to say. She’d known Jungkook for years and couldn’t say it to him anymore; she’d been dating Hoseok for like four months and could already say that. His throat hurt from yelling and his skin tingled and he wanted to cry.

She was right.

He hadn’t waited to make sure the water was the right temperature.

He hadn’t waited until he had all the tickets.

He’d just ruined everything.

“If you don’t feel the same way, just say so,” he said, quietly, feeling smaller by the second and unable to grab at anger the way she seemed to. He wasn’t angry with her except for not believing him. He didn’t know how he felt after a rejected confession. He refused to name this feeling and make it real. He’d never been good at feelings. He wished he could have remained oblivious a little longer.

“I’m sorry, Koo. It’s too late. I’m happy and I won’t let you ruin this for me too.”

“Too?”

“You’re making me choose–”

“I’m not,” he said, realizing his final and fatal mistake. “I’m not making you choose. Ok, you don’t love me back. Ok, I’ll deal with that–”

“Like you’ve been dealing with it?”

“Better. I’ll deal with it better.”

“Koo…” The way her voice cracked nearly broke him. It was another weight added to his chest, another clue as to what he’d just done. He’d risked it all and lost it all.

“I can back off. Now I know– ok, you don’t feel that way about me, so friends, we’ll go back to being friends and–”

She nodded. She nodded even though her face was twisting up into that ugly cry she did at the saddest of movies. 

He desperately loved that ugly cry.

“Ok,” she said. “Yep. Everything will be ok, we’re still friends.”

“Right?”

“I’m uh— I’m going to take a walk and get another ride home–”

“Wait, what? No–”

“I need some space for a little bit,” she said and sniffled even though she wasn’t crying yet and he felt like he could have lifted from the ground at the rate his heart was thrumming. 

“Then you take the car,” he said. “I’ll catch–”

“No, it’s your car–”

“Yeah but–”

“Just go home, ok? Please? Please please please–”

“Ok, ok I’ll go,” he said, giving in at her begging because she was starting to cry and this was going to kill him. “I’m going. But go inside… um… you need a ride–”

“It’s fine, just–”

“Ok but don’t tell Hoseok–”

“Go.”

The shame of her dismissal was the end of it. Obviously she was going to tell her boyfriend.

He grabbed the dog by the head and hauled ass away from her, though not without checking to make sure she didn’t stay alone in the parking lot. She went back into the mall through a side entrance as quickly as Jungkook headed down the row to his car, two magnets repelling now that they weren’t being forced together by a stubborn hand. 

His. His stubborn hand.

Because Alex didn’t love him. She loved Hoseok. And he was making things uncomfortable for them. He was getting in the way.

And the way she cried when she said they were still friends made it sound like a lie. 

Jungkook shoved the stupid dog into the backseat and threw himself into the driver’s seat and buckled his seat belt and started the car and leaned against the steering wheel and broke another one of his rules: for the first time in his life, he cried over a girl. 

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[celestiall0tus]

Let's here about the powers of the pretty bitches (the peacocks) and Gabriel (but only after you've had enough time to relax and regain your energy).

I appreciate ya, but I can't help not talk about these lovelies and Gabriel. So, let's dive into the Peacock of Beauty

We start with the first being Nathalie Sancoeur as Mayura. So, in Miraculous AU her powers are easily overlooked as insignificant unless used properly. Her lesser power is beauty manipulation, allowing her to twist and alter the beauty of a creature or object. A sort of perception manipulation of you will. Her second power is mesmerization where she immobilizes her foes with her stunning beauty, leaving them vulnerable.

Activation Phrases

Transformation: "Duusu, Spread my Feathers"

Lesser Power: Beauty

Greater Power: Mesmerize

Now we have Gabriel in Salvation. His power is limited to the mesmerization that Mayura possesses. Since he'll never become an avatar in the story, that's all he'll ever have.

Activation Phrases

Transformation: "Duusu, Spread my Feathers"

Power: Mesmerize

Juleka Couffaine as Ghoul on Separate Worlds. These powers will function very much like Absolution's power system with a passive and main power. For Ghoul, her passive is absolute beauty, meaning she will be regarded as the most beautiful creature alive, putting even Aphrodite to shame. Her main power will be mesmerization.

Activation Phrases

Transformation: "Duusu, Spread my Feathers"

Power: None/Innate

Ah, what are the odds. Emilie Graham De Vanily getting the peacock in All That Remained when Amelie gets it in Paradise? Beautiful. Anyway, going with a theme made obvious now, Emilie will be called Hera. Her power is mesmerization.

Activation Phrases:

Transformation: "Duusu, Spread my Feathers"

Power: Dazzle

Ah, Amelie has her chance with peacock in Paradise as Erinona. Unlike the previous peacocks that have been relegated to mesmerization, Erinona is capable of beauty manipulation that allows her to create, shape, and manipulate the beauty in everything. This includes things on a physical, mental, conceptual, and natural.

Activation Phrases:

Transformation: "Duusu, Spread my Feathers"

Power: Glamor

You know, you'd think I'd have made Adrien the peacock sooner, but here we are at long last in Court of Miracles. Adrien is amongst the few highborn in this AU with a generous selection of powers. These include:

Absolute Beauty - They are the most beautiful thing to ever exist

Beauty Inducement - They can make modifications to any person or object to make them more aesthetically pleasing

Shapeshifting - A power that can be used to alter themselves completely to be more what a person desires, though they also use this to take the form of the gender they associate with at the time

Siren Song - Able to lure in people with a beautiful, supernatural song

Mesmerizing Presence - Very similar to the default peacock power that others have had.

Activation phrases: None/Innate

Ondine takes center stage in Siren's Song as Siren. Unlike the other peacocks on this list, with the exception of Court of Miracles!Adrien, her power is that of mesmerization through song. Like the old Greek sirens (that were more akin to birds) luring away sailors to their deaths, Siren can do just that. Entrance people with her enrapturing songs.

Activation Phrases

Transformation: "Duusu, Spread my Feathers"

Power: Mesmerize

#miraculous #miraculous ladybug #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #au #miraculous au #alternate universe #ml au info #au info #peacock miraculous #peacock kwami #mlb juleka #juleka miraculous #miraculous juleka #mlb gabriel #gabriel agreste #gabriel #miraculous nathalie #nathalie #nathalie sancoeur #peacock of beauty #mlb au #mlb rewrite #rewrite #amelie graham de vanily

[dem0nguy]

Ive been infected by the AU bug (Ive got like 5 different AUs for MB now help—)

HOWEVER, this does give me an excuse to ramble about said AUs >:3

So how bout I ramble about the one I ever-so-conveniently drew art for?

MUTANT BUSTERS STEAMPUNK AU :DDDDD

Ima be honest, I originally created this just so I could put the sillies in fancy outfits. But then I added lore…

(The outfits in question:)

(Before I start ima just say that none of the characters go by their aliases, bc it just wouldn’t make sense here (and like, their names are cool and get no use in the show, they need use >:/ ))

So Jim(Sheriff) and Ryan live in a poor rural town in the middle of nowhere. Ryan works as a blacksmith, and Jim is an aspiring inventor (he’s not very good at the inventing part… just the ideas.)

Ryan wants Jim to learn how to be a blacksmith like he is, because it’s a reliable job and he doesn’t see Jim going very far in his inventing career.

Obviously, Jim doesn’t listen to him.

On one particularly boring day, an aspiring entrepreneur/inventor rolls into town. He introduces himself as Max(Shooter) Kojima, and says he’s looking for someone to help jumpstart his business with him. Jim quickly volunteers, but Ryan stops him, and forces him to come home.

Jim, however, is a persistent little bitch. So he sneaks out at night and joins up with Max; who gives him a prototype bionic arm as a gift.

Somewhere along their journey, Max reveals that he stole a powerful source of energy contained in a gem (*cough* MORPHONITE *cough*) from the lead entrepreneurs, Wart and Verruca, and plans to use it for his own inventions.

Jim is honestly so awed by the gem that he doesn’t care if it was stolen or not.

(At this point, Ryan has realized Jim is missing. So he sets out on a mission to find him)

Unfortunately, Max and Jim were not the only ones after the gem. Vegan-Su and BP steal it from them, so the two set off on a mission to get it back.

When they finally confront Vegan and BP, they explain that the gem was created by their father (Dr. White) and was stolen from him. So they were trying to get it back. But Max and Jim don’t care, and just as they’re about to walk off with the gem; Alexander(Brutux) steals it from them. All four then decide to work together to get the gem back.

Alexander works for Wart and Verruca, and was sent to go find the gem. But he doesn’t actually know what it is, nor the importance of it. When Jim, Max, Vegan, and BP catch up to him, they explain that the gem was created by Dr. White. Alexander then proceeds to fanboy about Dr. White and join the group.

(Jim and Max were gonna steal the gem back, but now they’re in too deep to get out so yk….)

(Also unrelated but Jim and Max are gay for each other bc you don’t just run off with a man in the middle of the night and NOT fall in love with him.)

The five start on their way to Dr. White’s place, just before they reach it, Jim gets a letter. The letter states that Ryan has been kidnapped by Wart and Verruca, and if the gem isn’t returned to them, he will be killed.

So they change course, and head for Wart and Verruca’s business place: Panic Mechanics (I’m so good at naming things/j) They make the trade for Ryan (who thoroughly scolds Jim, but is thankful for being saved.) Then unsure of what to do next, they head to Dr. White’s place.

(Dr. White is kinda like an inventor with questionable ethics and a weird way of doing things. He’s relatively well known, but his unpredictably doesn’t make him “famous” per se. His books are what most people (including Alexander) know him for.)

When they arrive, Dr. White explains that Wart and Verruca will try to drain all the energy in the world using that gem, so everyone has to come to them for power/inventions. (Capitalism, yay)

So they head right on back to Panic Mechanics, just in time to stop Wart and Verruca’s plan, saving the world. (AND THE GAYS GET TO KISS >:D)

That’s pretty much all, thanks for listening to me ramble! :3

#mutant busters #digital art #art #sheriff #shooter #vegan su #ryan #steampunk au #ramblings #demonguy rambles #yippee #I just wanted to put them in fancy outfits #then this happened… #:( sigh

[theambitiouswoman]

Hi,

I feel like I'm always the one intiating conversations and relationships. The one going up to people to talk to them. The one giving and giving.

It makes me sad that people don't come up to me and go out of their way to have conversations with me or hang out with me almost 90% of the time i do it. The kind of person who chases not attracts.

When I looked at it, i thought my actions were coming from the wrong person, because the same people who don't intiate things with me, intiate it with other people..

And I've always been available all the time(emphasis here) for everybody and i just want to be more exclusive i don't want people to get used to my presence that they don't have to put in effort to deserve it. Like "oh her? Nah don't worry i could go anytime/she's always there it doesn't matter". Do you het what i mean? People are so sure of my presence that they don't even care.

And i feel sad and hurt because I Do. And i value my presence much more than just to give it to you when you don't appreciate it like that.

Sorry if I've overstepped, but this has been bothering me for a veryy long time, and i just need help on this topic.

Thank you in advance🫶

Hi my love,

You never overstep. Thank you for trusting me with advice on an issue that is important to you. It is understandable that you feel hurt and under appreciated. Everyone deserves genuine connections and when we struggle to find them, we begin to question ourselves.

There could be many reasons why people may not initiate with you, or put in the same effort. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't value your presence or appreciate you.

You should not be pursuing relationships with anyone who is not putting the same effort back. These people may not see the value in the relationship, feel that there is no commonality, or you may hold them at a higher regard than they do. You do not have to chase or force relationships with others. Not all people are our people. You can not try to have a relationship with just anyone, for the sake of wanting a friendship. Focus on those who do reciprocate your efforts and value your presence. It's okay to prioritize your own emotional wellbeing and invest your time and energy into relationships that are mutually fulfilling. Take your power back.

It's also important to find a balance between being available for others and taking care of yourself. While being accessible and supportive is a great trait, people will tend to take someone who is too available, for granted. This may be another reason why you feel like you are chasing.

Try to have a more relaxed approach when establishing new friendships. If you go up to someone, try starting off with a compliment and go from there. Make sure that the conversation is not one sided and only serve your personal interests. You want to be able to connect with people. I would take the time to consider the type of conversations you are initiating. Create a definition of what you consider to be a healthy ideal relationship in your mind and set the standard for yourself. This may not be the case for you but people can become very codependent and attached to their friends, and it is not something all people on the other end enjoy.

Another possible scenario, is that you may not look approachable. Make sure that you have an open body language. Some examples would be: An open and relaxed posture. Facing towards others and being receptive to conversation. Not crossing your arms. Smiling more. No resting bitch face. Make eye contact. Show genuine interest in what they are saying. Actively listen. Make sure you are making them feel valued. Consider your clothing and style choices. Wear clothes that reflects your personality while still being approachable. Show positivity and a friendly attitude and avoid negative body language or expressions that might inadvertently push people away. Showing genuine care and compassion, this makes people feel comfortable approaching you :)

Being approachable is not about changing who you are fundamentally, but rather making small adjustments to your behavior and nonverbal cues to create a welcoming presence.

If you feel that people have taken your presence for granted or that they don't appreciate you, you may need to reassess how you allocate your time and energy. Always prioritizing yourself, setting boundaries, focus on quality of friends vs quantity, and evaluate your friendships. Are they good friends? Do your values align with theirs? Do you share similar interests?

While we all want and need relationships, consider the effect the relationships we establish can have on our lives. Friendship is a serious title and have a strong influence on our views, thoughts and feelings. Make sure you are putting your definition of friendship on a gold throne and not the idea of making friends, or even just people. Once you value the importance of friendship, rather than just your feelings about having friends, you will also develop better discernment in selecting new friends. This in turn, will cause an energy shift in your current system because you are no longer in the "chasing" position and taking full control.

This came out to be incredibly long, but I wanted to cover some of the immediate bases and truly hope it helps you <3

[drowninginblox]

Bittersweet Band AU

This I use inspired by a playlist I found on Spotify under the same name.

Below is going to be my headcanons and personal alterations to their AU. All I know is the following: Finn is the lead singer Alphonse is the Bassist Seth does Guitar Charlie Drums

The following are my thoughts and my thoughts alone. I don't tune into YurriVoice streams (im sorry!) so if the man himself has said anything about the guy's singing habits- they're not taken into account here. My b.

Finn isn't the only one that sings

Even though he is the main man for vocals, Al and Charlie are always ready to offer up their voice for a few songs. Seth on the other hand, I think he'd be apprehensive as hell.

Seth thinks he fucking sucks at singing but he's the best. If it wasn't for shitting on himself, management would force Finn out of the job. But no one can convince him otherwise. To Seth, the only singing he can do is background vocals if anything.

Seth and Finn started the band

Seth and Finn met in college. Well, let me rephrase that- Finn was in college, while Seth was the cute boy at the local bar who just so happened to play sets when he wasn't bartending.

Seth always stole the show. Mans was radiating main character energy. Magic shit going on.

Finn introduces himself and the pair somehow became good friends. Slowly Seth introduces Alphonse and Charlie to Finn, they all find out they have talent (woah) and after fucking around for a few months in Al's garage, they decide to go indie.

That is until they have a single that goes mainstream and they follow the success from there

Bittersweet isn't the band's name + fictional fan service (?)

I personally have no idea what the band's name would be but it defo wouldn't be bittersweet (to me). Instead, bittersweet is Al and Seth's ship name created by the fans (much like the main series but Yurri made the name instead and... yknow). All the ships created in this AU have names like this one instead of smashing the pair's names together (no I'm not jealous of the RWBY fandom- you are!)

Below is my indulgence of this idea

Finn and Al: Lavender Floss

Seth and Finn: Black Dahlia

Finn and Charlie: Heathens (a reference to when the two ask for pineapple pizza, Al, Seth, and the greater fandom haven't let this atrocity go)

Seth and Al: Bittersweet (ofc)

Seth and Charlie: Thrifting Queens

Al and Charlie: Bad habits

Little dose everyone know the band's own manager is at the center of a harem *cough cough* yeah bitches. Y'all walked into my trap card- Y/N is canon in this AU.

Conflict (if i were to write further into this AU)

Derek/ dark gang shit would still happen in this AU. Along with all of Al and Seth's shared fucked up shit. However, the dynamic would be somewhat like the beginning of Bittersweet- Seth and Al have tension between them but they act like mostly nothing is wrong. They don't wanna talk about it and Finn and Charlie won't bring it up out of fear for fucking up what the band has going on. To put it simply- the water is under the bridge, but the bridge is rickety and held together with duck tape and chewing gum but no one wants to bring up how crappy it is since it gets the job done.

While this is going on in the background, the public sees Seth and Al's chemistry and think that they are besties (or maybe more wink wink nudge nudge). This would eventually turn into some kind of big fight, one that Finn hasn't seen out of Al and Seth while Charlie has only seen this like... once ...a long time ago

Have it all be framed as shit no one talks about with Y/n because the band's relationship with them is mostly business. Hell- have shit that even other members don’t talk about happen!

Have people from everyone's past come up and like try to bear their fangs into what stakes the band has, whether the actual profit or like social stuff (Ex: an old EX of Finn or Al’s, maybe Charlie’s family ykno?)

Regardless of what conflict you make, the important part is that nothing should be addressed until it absolutely has to be addressed. Regardless of who brings it up first.

The main plot and side plots that I've thought on

There can be conflict in a plot, hence why this is seperate

So the main plot overall is going to be the band growing from indie into the main stream (maybe a tour arc too?)

Side plots would include, but are not limited to

Fandom meddling (This includes shipping, and the fans poking, and prodding into the band. Members even spoiling stuff before the band even announces it)

People from each member's pasts come back to “lay their claim” on any and all profit the band makes (as stated before)

Corporate meddling, whether it be Y/n themselves, or someone upper or lower down the ladder

The looming anxiety that every one of them if not any one of them can, and will be replaced if the band is not doing consecutively well

Social stunts (hooking up with other celebrities, in person or radio interviews, the tour in general)

Being stuck in different locations for varying moments in time

Each boy's relationship with a Y/N and each other

The sudden realization that the boys can do almost anything they want (with varying consequences to their actions) +how far you're willing to push that.

Okay, I'm done with my ramblings. I'm never gonna write about this AU but I think it's really fun to think about.

#yurrivoice #yuurivoice bittersweet #bittersweet #bittersweet au