#really does suck sometimes

[coffeedrgn87]

I’ve been wanting to sit down and write for more days than I can remember but I simply haven’t had the energy. Work has reached unprecedented levels of madness and while my fingers are willing and yearning for a keyboard, my mind prefers the sofa, my scrapbook and staring at a wall.

Whatever I do watch on my iPad, if I can even call it watching, is mostly just a way to switch off and/or distract. I long for a bit of quietude and find myself possessed by the idea of taking a week’s worth of annual leave for a writer’s retreat. Somewhere quiet, preferably with a beach to walk on, and nothing but time to give chase to my most beloved pastime…writing.

But until I can leave work at a reasonable time and stop checking my phone for work messages until midnight rolls around which inevitably leads to me walking around like a zombie in the morning, there is simply no space for me to write and it doesn’t matter how much I long for it.

#coffeedragon muses #coffeedragon writes #tumblr posts #because they don’t have the headspace for anything more substantial #writer things #being a writer #writer’s life #writer’s problems #real life #really does suck sometimes #SIGH #send love #and hugs #maybe also coffee

[dayurno]

honestly you can say anything about the ravens (and you'd be right to) but you can't say the concept of them isn't delicious. a group of collegiate athletes in their intimidating raven motifs and their black uniforms who are basically bred to become the best of the best in a bloodsport. the adrenaline rush of every game being a competition between yourself and your teammates. knowing you're not just gearing up towards court but following in the footsteps of the alumni before you. the parties and the victories and the mindless sex and the way everyone around you somehow seems to always be thinking the same thing as you are. you are never alone and you will never be again if you just do as we say. who knows the kind of relationships that can happen in a place like that?

#<- her ass would be easily sucked into a cult #BUT SERIOUSLY THEY FASCINATE ME. delicious as a concept #i think we as a fandom have a tendency to take the piss on them because theyre theatrical enough to be noticeable #and because neil himself does not respect them nor riko #but it is easy. i think. to lose sight of their humanity #of their morning classes and their college parties and their personhood beyond what the cult stripped from them #yes its fun sometimes to oversimplify the ravens #and they were terrible whenever they could #but i dont know. i dont know really where i was going with this. just musing i guess #its interesting to me #all for the game #aftg #kevin day #jean moreau #riko moriyama #the foxhole court

[hareefaree]

The new DnD movie was good! Went into it with my tabletop group expecting a marvel-sequel quippy mess and was surprised by very cool practical effects and wet puppets. Also it felt like a really good translation of a campaign and watching them translate dnd mechanics into actual moments scratched my brain.

I am not immune to advertising ;-; I guess I kinda understand marvel fans now

#dungeons and dragons honor among thieves #dnd movie #honor among theives #really they did not pick a good title for fandomifying it which I kind of appreciate #plugging this into search filters is gonna suck #ALSO! the end credits sequence was very cool #loved the illuminated text styling #art design for this movie was just incredible and the animation felt physical in a great way #sometimes big budget does translate when the folks making it are passionate :) #inspo

[moongothic]

You know we all meme about how Luffy doesn't give a shit about his parents/Dragon, how he seemingly has no interest in learning about the man or meeting him at all, and like yeah that is a Luffyism

And for a long time I figured Baby Luffy would be the same too; that Luffy in his naïvete just accepted he must've spawned from the ocean itself into Garp's care or something, not realizing he should in fact have parents, thus Luffy's seeming disinterest in them

But you know what

Luffy did spend most of his early childhood alone

Sure, he had Garp, but it seems like Garp wasn't always there to look after him every day, he had his duties as a Marine too. Had Garp been there 24/7 all year then Garp would never have allowed Luffy to interact with Shanks (a filthy pirate) to begin with. So yes, Luffy had his grandpa, but not all the time. And sure, Luffy also had Shanks, but Shanks didn't spend all his time in Fuusha Village either, he came and went whenever he pleased too until his final departure when Luffy was just six years old. And yes, there was everyone else in the village too, people who cared about Luffy and were helping look after him. But Luffy's early childhood was one without a stable family.

It wasn't until Garp yeeted the child into Dadan's care that Luffy actually gained a proper family, where after months and months of trying Luffy managed to win Ace's trust and gained Sabo as a brother too. But as we know, by that point Luffy already hated being alone

All of this to say; Luffy growing up essentially orphaned would explain why he's so afraid to be alone, the way he clings onto people

In some ways Luffy's POV is meant to be the reader's POV, to some degree Luffy's feelings and thoughts are meant to be how we the readers feel and think about whaveter is happening in the story. Not a 100% by any means, but somewhat at the very least.

Perhaps Luffy's lack of interest in Dragon isn't just "Luffy not giving a damn about blood family because chosen families are better" nor "Luffy is too stupid to understand where babies come from". Perhaps Luffy, who may have assumed he didn't have parents at all (as in "might've assumed they were dead or had intentionally abandoned him"), doesn't know what to think about the fact that he does have a father out there, one whom he has never as much as met. Because yeah, Luffy doesn't know why Dragon left him with Garp, why he never got to be with his dad. Should he be angry at Dragon, hate him for being left alone? Or did Dragon have a good reason for it, does Dragon wish things could've been different?

Perhaps Luffy's seeming disinterest in Dragon isn't because he doesn't care about blood family, but because much like us the readers, Luffy doesn't quite know what to make of Dragon, and figuring those feelings out hasn't been relevant to the plot yet.

#Moon posting #OP Meta #IDK I see people often kind of just. Overly simplify (/dumbify) One Piece's themes about family into just like #''To hell with blood relatives! Chosen family is literally all that matters! Blood relatives can eat shit!'' #And it just. Feels like such a shame because One Piece's themes around family are so much more complex than that #Yes! Chosen/adopted families are just as much families as ones tied with blood! A family isn't more real just because it's tied with blood! #Sometimes your relatives suck ass! You don't have to considder them ''family'' at all! #And sometimes your family does Questionable Things but with the well-being of their family genuinely in mind. As their priority. #Despite everything Garp really loves Luffy AND ACE. He's an idiot but genuinely only ever wanted the best for those two #Family is when people love each other and want look after one another. **That's** what matters #That's why blood family reunions have been such a big reoccuring thing in the story especially post-TS #Reuniting families that've been torn apart would not matter if they did not love each other #IDK man I have Thoughts but not the braincells to form coherent sentences

[the-everqueen]

for the AMA: what compels you most in a fictional character!

rage as a trauma response.

it compels me when a character spits in the face of god. when the response isn't "why did you let all this happen" but "how dare you let this happen." something about the assertion of agency in the wake of un-meaning. something about "there was never a Purpose, the point is what you make of it." this is undoubtedly because i was raised evangelical and continue to struggle with what i believe vs what i want to be true. pero also i think i was denied anger for so long (and even now my reflex when i'm hurt is to divert/repress/hide/sublimate anger) that it's cathartic for SOMEONE to get to be mad at the powers that be.

misogyny means it's usually (white) male characters who get these narrative arcs. this is evident in my blorbos: astarion from bg3, the corinthian from sandman, will graham from hannibal. (my immediate first thought was actually emilio sandoz from the sparrow, very literal autistic brain serving me well here lmao, what does it mean to be god's whore.) but my favorite female and genderqueer characters have this, too. saga anderson from alan wake 2 (LITERALLY tells both the in-game narrative force and the meta "fuck off, i'm done with other people writing my story"). essun from the broken earth trilogy (everyone who says they can't connect to her...i need you to examine yourself for misogynoir). vic from nos4a2. eurydice from hadestown. erica slaughter from something is killing the children. jade from my heart is a chainsaw.

(horror is obviously a huge medium for this...the final girl is a figure of righteous anger, the avenging angel, the woman who mows down the ultimate horror with a baseball bat or a butcher knife and she's right, she's in the right, she's the monster slayer, fuck you fear me.)

#ask games #AMA #crimeronan #this was SUCH a good ask thank you #also i'm not gonna write a whole essay here in the tags but i think part of why i adore horror #and why i have a hard time connecting to ''literary fiction'' women IS that allowance for rage #what a genre considers acceptable female rage sometimes feels So Hollow compared to what i might let myself feel irl #i like my trauma-rage bloody and awful #SOMEONE needs to pay in flesh #weirdly stephen king is really good at this when he lets himself do it? beverly from IT and arguably It from IT are peak #Women Should Do Crimes Actually #unfortunately most of the time Stephen King sucks at letting women be people #SO INSTEAD i recommend Stephen Graham Jones who just consistently does this #i ALSO don't think it's a coincidence that my favorite queer and women creators who write these arcs are also not white #nonwhite queer and female rage is Threatening To The Status Quo

[zukkaoru]

i think. everyone should stop reading my most popular fics that aren't really that good and start reading the ones with 18 kudos that are significantly better

#this is about (just wanna be) somebody i'm proud of #yes i had fun writing it. but it's REALLY NOT THAT GOOD #also i cannot stress this enough: that fic was a fluke #it's NOT a good example of what i write. guys i'm so much better at the angsty character study fics #i promise i actually can get proper characterization. i had to sacrifice some of that for the light-hearted stupid cheesy premise #alas #no one in fandom actually cares about characterization #ngl sometimes i even wonder what the point of writing stuff in-character is if the flat #'characters reduced to a single trait that they may or may not even possess' #fics will ALWAYS end up being more popular than the ones with good characterization #anyway i know why the 18 kudos one is so low. it's the mcd tag. AND it's a gen fic centered around a character no one cares about #i wasn't expecting that one to do well #but it does suck that like. my most popular fics will never actually be my best ones #it's the same with bsd but THAT'S a whole other story #that's the phenomenon of everyone reducing bsd to the skk show and not giving the time of day to fics centered around anyone else #do u guys realize there are SO many other INCREDIBLE characters and dynamics???? #like i was doing that bsd fic rec event on twt and almost all of the fics recced were skk #meanwhile i was searching for anything NOT skk bc idk other ships and characters deserve appreciation too?? #and i don't even read much skk bc it's so hard to find anything that's. like. ACTUALLY good. #anyway. i don't actually care if you read somebody i'm proud of #but i hate that that's like. one of my most popular fics by a longshot #i have stuff that is so much better that people won't even glance at bc it's not tagged with the most popular m/m ship in the fandom #hello grace here

[hidinginmyhands]

The thing about all this new stuff I’ve heard about Bruce doing to Jason in Gotham War is. Honestly? He’s never going to face any actual consequences for it. I mean, come on, he never has before. It’s basically been proven that Bruce can do whatever he wants to Jason (and his other kids, but the worst always seems to be done to Jason) and in the end nothing really happens to him. Yeah, this time some of the other Batkids are going at Bruce for what he’s done, but ten bucks says it’s completely forgotten about and never mentioned again, even by Jason, before the run is over. It’s happened before—the batarang in UtRH, the severe beating in RHatO… Bruce never faced a single consequence. And I find it hard to believe he will now.

I’m just… tired.

#honestly sometimes being a Jason fan really sucks #and I end up wishing I could’ve hyperfixated on like Dick or something #because of course everything Bruce does to Jason is Right in the end because he’s Batman #so he must be the good guy even when he’s absolutely not #yeah so screw the people who make those decisions honestly #I’m so glad I didn’t actually start reading Gotham war because hearing about it is bad enough #jason todd #red hood #batfam #Bruce Wayne #batman #Batfamily #dc comics #Gotham war #my posts

[yuridovewing]

As a fellow Dovewing lover, it's frustrating how the fandom watered her down into a whiny brat who never cared about Ivypool. I mean, seriously? Not only did Dovewing care about her sister (reacting in horror when Lionblaze, her own mentor and Jayfeather are willing to potentially sacrifice Ivypool's safety by employing her as her spy instead of trying to get her out of the Dark Forest's clutches, hiding a thorn in her nest to cover for her scarring from her training).

Heck, even the scene where she tries to feed Ivypool her catch during a hunting patrol was demonized because 'she was trying to make Ivypool break the code like SHE does, as if it doesn't matter' and because she got upset when Ivypool started arguing with her! But you guys said she didn't care, right? Plus, people act like being forced into a prophecy is something you should be grateful for, as if it didn't irreparably change her close relationship with her sister? As if Lionblaze and Jayfeather didn't still keep her out of the loop (and for all the fussing they made about keeping it a secret, Lionblaze confesses his power to Cinderheart and Jayfeather doesn't even care).

Meanwhile Nightheart is angry he isn't orange and hates his mom for being exiled and the whole world has to stop for him. 🤪 And Bramblestar is simply so tortured by having an evil father, the only choice is to train with him and his evil half-brother and hide this from his wife! (But remember, it's bad when that witch Squirrelflight hides the parentage of the three from him, even when Blackstar and Leopardstar were still around after being complicit in the torture and killing of halfclan cats.) Why are these male characters sympathized with, even when they actively harm people (Nightheart forcing himself into Sunbeam's life by lying to everyone about being her mate without even asking her if she would be fine with that beforehand), Bramblestar (we all know what he does), but when Dovewing or any other female character is upset, people freak out and call them whiny brats or abusive for (checks notes) asking her partner if he loves her anymore after they argued multiple times in a book. Really makes you think! (Sorry this is so long, you just have based opinions!)

dovewing being characterized as this flighty airheaded vain popular girl stereotype in fanon is like. one of those biggest "we didnt actually read the books" things in the fandom. like theres so much fanart where shes grinning and giggling over the prophecy and shes besties with the trio and shes got preferential treatment, and then in the actual books shes basically the autistic kid no one actually likes. people really, REALLY overexaggerate that one scene where she snaps at ivypaw and brags. (and i dont wanna shit on amvs but i am forever side eying how the animation community handled dove back in the day. more than one person animated her getting murdered. normal.)

i do think its gotten better recently at least. but wow does it feel like at least one person on the writing team has a bone to pick

(also awww thank you <3 no need to be sorry i love getting stuff in my inbox)

#it does also feel so insidious to me just how long the bramblesquirrel conflict was painted as ''equally kind of wrong'' #the ppl who put words in squilfs mouth sometimes which. btw ill get to that when i read the book #and tbf part of it is that sometimes abuse isnt as easy to spot if youre primed to the mainstream version of it #like. bramble isnt a born evil wifebeater everyone can see coming from a mile away. hes a complex guy with his own insecurities #and his own goals and people he openly cares about. and even in some fanon stuff i see ppl kinda erase that part of him #(which i wont pretend im above- ive been trying to walk that line myself) #and that doesnt match how abusers are usually percieved by the public. or in this very series. #like. the main excuse for clear sky is literally ''hes sad his sister died and tried to save her! no one changes THAT much'' #anyone can be an abuser. you could be an abuser. i could be an abuser. that doesnt mean that we ARE but we are capable of it #and the thing that catches ppl off guard is that abusers are really good at hiding who they are and theyre often charming #i often hear this account of abuse that goes something like ''my parent abused me but no one believed me bc theyre nice in public'' #you dont know whats going on behind closed doors. and ik this is about funny kitties at the end of the day but its quite telling #so... yeah bramble has his nice moments. hes got his GREAT moments even. i love his relationship with his mom for example #but those moments dont mean that hes not capable of being worse. of being a monster to his loved ones #its why squilf keeps getting sucked back in. hes not a one dimensional asshole. hes capable of being kind to her. #and thats what makes his disgusting moments hit so much harder #wow ok i got off topic in the tags but yknow. idk i got feelings abt this matter as someone who's experienced toxic relationships

[i-may-be-an-emu]

I need motivation I hate adhd

#Why am I like this #I need to do Things #But my brain won't let me #I love adhd sometimes but it really does suck #executive dysfunction #adhd

[subparcarrion]

current mood be like:

(school is kicking my ass rn, at least I'll have my normal teachers back next week. /srs

If i disappear for longer than usual the school system finally got me. /hj)

#art #my art #digital art #GIF ?? #tw: bright colors #TW: lots of movement and some flashing I think #school #School really does suck ass sometimes #sona art #sona #tw: cussing #silly #silly art #goober #Someone send help before I implode /hj #The school system is gonna come get me for my attendance crimes. /j

[sophiethewitch1]

in my hater era

#sophie speaks #tw vent #like. what. what??? #i do try not to upset anyone with trauma dumping or whatever but sometimes that bites me in the ass because people assume I'm not strugglin #struggling hugely #had one of my most violent meltdowns ever recently and it was after pushing myself to do something #and you know. thats on me #but saying like #im NOT trying?? #i dont want to start any problems but oh my GOD what do you think being sick constantly does to a person #what??? #trying to be a proper adult here but i am quite upset #idk how are you supposed to deal with shit like this #express this has upset you and that you are having a hard time #but then they dont believe you?? #trauma dump it is. hope you enjoy my psychiatrists notes #like im level 2 support needs autistic. i need a little fucking leeway or i genuinely try to kill myself #i KNOW its pathetic i KNOW its weak but my number one priority is keep myself alive #im so tired #ive been suicidal for like 7 years now #my life sucks so incredibly hard and I'm in constant pain and that just #it doesnt make me willing to deal with this shit #cripplepunk core lmao #cripple and im going to kill you #this is just geniunely upsetting #i feel like i need a good cry #i really am so tired #i feel like i just dont want to do this #why am i paying for this? why am i doing this? #if im not enjoying this why the fuck would i do it

[evilkitten3]

i have a lot of thoughts on fandoms and treatment of female characters but i do not seem to have the words to put said thoughts into. frustrating.

#personal #vent post? #idk #fandom crit #like when you're scrolling through an art blog and the only time the girl characters show up is in group images #or when people are willing to bend over backwards to talk about male character but dismiss the female characters altogether #like on the one hand there's plenty of examples of male authors failing miserably to write female characters #but so so often i see fans act like badly-written female characters aren't like. symptomatic of a bigger issue #it's hard for me to explain but i think people have like. a difficult time admitting that misogyny exists in media #at least when it concerns female characters they don't like #bc it's fine to not like badly written characters imo #but it does seem sometimes that people would rather tell themselves that the author intended the character to be unlikable #ofc it's pretty much impossible to give a solid ''this is what the author was thinking'' without the author's commentary #or without being a mind reader i guess #so it's all speculation #but i do feel as though people have an easier time with ''she just sucks'' than ''this man can't write women and it shows'' #idk i don't really have the words for it #to be clear i'm not innocent of this either #it's just. idk something i've been thinking about lately

[kiisaes]

mha is like an estranged awkward father to me. i try not to make my connection to it obvious but i secretly care a lot about it (sometimes against what i desire) and when ppl talk serious shit about it i get defensive. like yea i understand that it's not the best series writing-wise, it's got a good amount of problems and that its mere connection to me makes me cringefail ... but i'll always find some sort of unexplainable comfort in its arms despite its flaws bc there's still a good amount of it to genuinely enjoy without a constantly ironic state of mind that all media must be critiqued with nowadays and i don't expect anyone to understand this odd relationship but myself

#every time i hear that mha fans are cringe and have bad taste i'm like well yeah. but also hey. watch it #like protecting my pathetic father who does not need protecting but i'll do it anyway bc it just feels like i should #it's not at all a horrible series the way everyone labels it and i think its popularity caused such a societal whiplash #like oh it's mainstream now! time to pick on every flaw it has and reduce it to typical shounen shit #without addressing its actually decent and sometimes stellar aspects #it is not as overwhelmingly enjoyed like certain anime i've gotten into lately but that's ok. i'm fine with that #it's a mid to mid-good series with good characters (with exceptions) and great artwork and ok storytelling #i remember when mha was super praised and considered incredible like 5 years ago .. lol how times change #anyway. just wanted to type this out bc i think mha fans get an unfairly bad rep sometimes for doing nothing all that out of the ordinary #just for having an interest in a not-very-enlightening piece of media #and that kinda sucks #also bc i started watching mob psycho and it's really fucking good LMFAOOOO #bnha #mha #becki rambles about stuff

[sassyandclassy94]

The youngest child can say whatever he wants and be as rude and disrespectful as he wants but my dad NEVER deals with him. Instead, he says I’m the mean one. Even though I was only trying to explain why good handwriting is important in life.

#maybe if the little brat had to redo all his schoolwork if he had bad penmanship like I did he would learn his lesson #but no. the youngest child always gets to skate by and dads never care #well ya know what Nolan? you can’t go your whole life not caring and doing everything half butt. it WILL catch up to you #and then you’re gonna wish you listened to me and Lydia #And Lydia is right. Penmanship does show your character #if your penmanship is half butt and careless then you’re gonna be like that too #personal #Abby rants #sometimes it sucks being the oldest sibling #it really feels like everyone (minus my middle sibling) disregards me scoffs me and my opinion #it was actually really encouraging when my sister came to me asking what my thoughts were on a decision she’s trying to make #might delete later

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

The monster that lives inside of my chest.

There’s a monster that lives inside of my chest. I don’t notice it often. It lives in the shadows, In the hidden spots. Lurking, creeping, hiding. In the spaces between and apart, It has made a home for itself.

There’s a monster that lives inside of my chest, And every day it grows a little bit bolder. It leaves its marks upon my heart, Deadly claws dug into my soul. It makes me scream and cry and beg, Gasping for every breath, Wondering when I’ll see it again.

There’s a monster that lives inside of my chest, And it’s overtaking all of me. I feel it growing from within Taking and taking and taking. I try to fight it but it’s so very strong; I try to refute it but it always wins. I don’t know how much longer I can resist.

There’s a monster that lives inside of my chest, And it has outgrown its home. To find more space it consumes more of me. Parts of myself once sacred, now lost, To the monster from within. My friends refuse to talk to me now. They don’t like the monster I’ve become.

There’s a monster that lives inside of my chest, Except it doesn’t live inside anymore. It’s made a home for itself inside of my eyes. Inside of my hands. Inside of my words. There’s a monster that lived inside of my chest, And I lost my fight against it.

#So I had thought to put this in the post itself but decided to just post the poem itself #BUT this is an old poem I wrote like... last year or so and I found it recently and really liked it #But I never posted it and I'm like... well this IS my writing blog so.... #Anyway I don't remember fully my mindset while writing this but it isn't about anything specific #I think I was just thinking about the nature of being a ''monster'' and wrote this #It reminds me of my struggle with my mental health sometimes though so it does resonate in that way #Anyway I have a few pieces of old poetry of mine and I was thinking of sharing them here #Let me know if that would interest anyone! #I honestly really like some of the poems I wrote as an angsty teen #I don't write poetry nearly as often as I did as a teen and it sucks #I loved writing poetry as a kid/teen #Was it GOOD poetry? #Yes. Because all poetry is Good. Since it's subjective and what is considered ''good'' is subjective too #My poetry #My poems #My writing #Draco's poems

[stainedglass-sketchbook]

This is so funny to me bc this is about my tav who is very much not the dark urge! just a bit of a freak

#tav yeric #astarion #bg3 #started rambling about yeric in the tags couldn’t stop lol #yeric is pretty well adjusted for a guy who’s been living in the woods alone for a decade #he is generally really reserved and quiet #but off putting stuff just spills from his mouth sometimes #and when he does open up he says things without thinking them through (and that’s on his 8 INT) #also the thing about cannibalism is that yeric got trapped in the mountains with a bunch of travelers when he was 23 #and they ended up having to cannibalize some people and eat their dead #Yeric’s partner died and he ate her #this launched the previously mentioned decade long woods isolation #and so yeric has issues around food and hunger #and a deep deep fear of people around him starving to death #so I’m some ways like getting fed on by astarion is genuinely a comfort to him #doesn’t need to worry about astarion being hungry! #he has direct proof that astarion is physically well! #all he has to do is take care of himself and cast lesser restoration and someone else can be sustained just on that! how wonderful! #yeric is also a big acts of service guy so that desire also gets fulfilled by the blood sucking agreement #at the same time #yeric also processed the cannibalism thing in a weird way where his survivors guilt manifested as a desire to be eaten #so while he genuinely does get a lot out of the agreement with astarion it is also triggering to him and does not help at all with #his self worth issues #astarion and yeric have a long talk about this post game - I think their relationship would need a break from the feeding for a while #yeric needs space to be see himself being loved outside of his utility to other people #and also to know that astarion is going to be okay if yeric takes a break from being his personal juicebox for 5 minutes