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crispy-armpit · 27 days

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✧ 𝒊 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒔𝒌𝒆𝒚 𝒏𝒆𝒂𝒕 ✧

yandere secret agent x reader

‧₊˚ ⋅ ‧ 🍸₊˚ ⋆｡ 𖦹 °

⭒ 𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺: after taking on your friend's offer to head downtown to a hidden bar, you find yourself in the middle of a covert operation. thankfully Messiah is there to hide you from danger. or did he just push you right into it?

⭒ 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵: gn reader, yandere, suggestive position & situation, slight violence, reader held at gunpoint, mentions of a firearm and getting shot, reader pressed against male crotch, sadism(?), auditory hallucination (you hear voices), hair pulling, swearing

⭒ 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 1,153 words

⭒ a/n: it was my birthday last month and i had planned to post this by then but ofc i never learn my lesson and kept my drafts in tumblr (leading to it getting deleted) 😭!! so sorry for the wait everyone and happy late new years! :D hope u like the batman wannabe.. it goes from 0 to 100 rq because it's hilarious to me and i'm sleep deprived.. i can smell the hate comments already

will you venture down this path?

it was supposed to be another weekend night spent alone in your home; you, comfortably snuggling against your pillows while playing your favourite brain-rot game from night to morning.

but here you were— unfortunately not in your bed, and devastatingly not romancing your fictional game characters. your friend, Vern, had dragged convinced you to join him and try out some random jazz bar which recently opened.

he mentioned his band would be playing there... he's probably just trying to get more people to hype up his band.

the warm ambience of the bistro & bar, alongside the joyous laughter ringing all over the room, people bantering and simply enjoying each other's presence was enough to erase the thoughts of your usual weekend plans. it was the type of place where you couldn't bring up any negative emotions just because of how chill everyone and everything was. so that's one forgiveness point to your friend.

at some point, Vern had split off from you to meet up with the other Ares band members to go perform— leaving you to drink away your life at the bar.

you channeled your best resting bitch face to avoid any strangers trying to hit on you, which worked. you sat alone listening to the blue voice of the current performer, making small talk here and there with the bartender.

oh, the bartender—

you'd been eyeing him up all night.

he was the only other person at the bar. like all other bartenders, he was charismatic and attractive despite the two deep scars running down his left cheek.

maybe he noticed you looking at it, because he suddenly rasped out, "...animal attack" with a nonchalant smile. which is quite impressive, since your gaze never once lingered on the scars for too long. he must be observing me.

Logan (you read his name tag) was an exceptional conversationist. and he played the bartender role extremely well. he brought up topics like your ambitions, your dreams, and even your darkest passions effortlessly.

but his eyes never seemed to really focus on your figure when you talked.

it was always off to a specific direction in the distance. and when you turned to look at what he was looking at, there would only be the same wrinkly old man sitting on the sofa chair.

"can you see it?"

confused, you reply, "see what?"

do you see it? the eyes? his lack of mouth? with hair as white as his, and skin as dark as void, how can you not see me?

"what the hell are you sayi—" you grow pale when you turn back and see Logan had his back turned away from you the whole time, far from the counter.

who was talking to me?

and for the first time in 3 hours since you've arrived, the old man from the chair moves. he wanders aimlessly for a moment until setting his sights on the bar. multiple random people who were loitering in the room take notice of his sudden movement, and all briskly walk towards him.

you're petrified.

the world is spinning, people are blocking the old man's path from you. and you're so thankful for that because it gives you the time to be pulled on top of the bar counter and then underneath it by a pair of strong hands.

your consciousness recovers and you're met with Logan, body crouched down to your level. his shadowed face shows no semblance of the bright man you were talking to a while ago. now his own icy blue eyes pierced through yours, and the once attractive rasp of his voice is now chilling to the bone.

"Logan—"

"you better fucking shut up unless you want to die."

he pulls out a revolver and points it to your forehead.

profusely nodding your head in understanding, tears begin to prick your eyes; this is so fucking messed up, what is happening??

your brain tells you that this was just the alcohol getting to you, and maybe Logan has some kind of split personality and a murderer... that it's some kind of sick prank Vern is probably pulling on you. maybe my drink got spiked...

but your gut tells you that you are in great danger. alcohol has never made you experience that level of auditory hallucination... hell, you were probably being delusional right now— of course Logan's trying to kill you!!

you could hear the faint sounds of bodies thudding against other people as if they were thrown or pushed. but no screams, just grunts. the loudness of the approaching footsteps came to a halt in front of the counter.

you cover your cries as best as you can with your palms and with Logan's hidden weapon still pointed at you. you could so easily whack it away or dodge it. but you stop once you hear the most grotesque voice ever, the result of what sounded like flesh tearing apart and bones reconstructing.

"where... are... they.....?"

you are faced with two decisions:

scream for help and get shot in the head by Logan

scream for help and face whatever the fuck is out there

either way, you don't get to choose. because the stress of the situation is beginning to overwhelm you and soon your whimpers slip out a little. small enough to not be heard from in front of the counter, but big enough for whoever is on top of you— and that someone happened to be the psychopathic bartender.

you freeze.

but your strength alone is not enough to hold back against the veiny hands that grab the back of your hair and push you against the bulge of the man standing in front of you.

you push and thrash over his grasp, but your actions only lead to him digging the lower parts of your face further into his crotch. WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING??? IS HE TRYING TO SILENCE ME WITH HIS DICK?!

and it works...

you stay silent and limp, not because of fear. but because of the absurdity of this situation and the slow growth of whatever beast is hiding under those black waiter pants.

the heat of your muffled breath against his privates collects in your face, it's getting too much but you hold yourself together. your hands that were once pushing him off now lay on the top of his hardened thighs.

Logan shares a couple words with the old man before pointing him elsewhere. you catch a strange name falling off the old man's lips, Messiah. fuck, is this a cult? shortly afterwards, you hear the light sounds of evacuating feet. he's finally gone.

and with the speed of a middle-aged lady during black friday sales, you manage to push him off to the side and stand up across him, ready to give him a piece of your mind.

you were humiliated, violated, mentally tired and— and—

why the fuck is he blushing.

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xenya1111 · 2 years

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Dorm Leaders and the other students reactions to Yuu being a girl

So this idea has been going around a bit here on Tumblr, and needless to say I ended up liking this idea a lot lmao.

So the scenario is Yuu pulls a Mulan when she first got to NRC and she disguises herself to blend in with everyone since it’s an only boys school, but something eventually happens and Yuu’s disguise gets ripped off or it falls off by accident.

Warnings: None, female reader, some foul language used, a lot of the guys develop crushes on you, other than that there’s nothing to worry about :) Also this is my first ever post so I hope you enjoy!

Heartsylabyul:

Riddle Rosehearts:

He’s just in utter shock lmao

He just goes, “What? You’re a girl?? But how are you even allowed here??? Isn’t this an only boys school?”

Cue him trying to go find Crowley 💀

After he finds out that Crowley does not give a single fuck he’s like 🙂 okay 🤷🏼‍♀️

He doesn’t really see a problem if Crowley doesn’t see a problem

May or may not develop a small crush on you, its a very small one but he enjoys your presence.

He’s definitely more respectful towards you afterwards since he knows it must be hard being the only female student among a bunch of boys, not to mention he knows you’ve been through a lot.

He tries not to treat you downright special but he finds himself inviting you to the unbirthday parties and always makes sure you enjoy yourself

Always tells himself he definitely doesn’t have a crush on you, but he doesn’t get why he gets so fidgety around you 👀

Trey Clover:

Oh, so you’re a girl?

Interesting…

Trey probably gives you more sweets if it’s that JOYOUS time of the month 💀

Overall he just likes giving you a lot of sweets, like way more than before cause he knows most girls like sweet stuff

If you don’t like sweet stuff that much then he’ll always make you something else that you enjoy

He’s definitely a simp but he’s very subtle and respectful about it; he never likes to push it too far and he just really finds you interesting

He does however invite you over to bake with him since he likes being around you

He’s definitely like a big brother, ask him anything! If you need help with something, just ask!

Will help you out with a certain idiot duo if you need it

Cater Diamond:

Nothing really changes with him to be completely honest

You’re his friend whether your a boy or a girl, it doesn’t matter

Or that’s what he’d like to say but he eventually develops a crush on you, it’s small but it’s there

He finds himself taking you out to cafes once in a while

Cater often takes pictures with you and posts them on Magicam, girls in his comment section always ask if you’re his girlfriend or not

He never replies 💀

Overall, Cater stays the same with you, he’s more of a sweetheart now that he knows you’re a girl

Deuce Spade:

Cue his face turning bright red 💀

This poor boy lmfao

He’s never known any other girls/ women other than his own mother

May or may not develop a crush on you

Scratch that he definitely does 💀

He creates a #protectYuu squad

Deuce will definitely fight anyone who tries getting close to you in any way *cough* Ace *cough*.

Ace Trappola:

Good luck with this bitch 💀

He definitely becomes more clingy and annoying

He’s a huge ass simp after he finds out and he has no shame whatsoever

Will flirt with you any chance he gets and is pretty smooth until he keeps going and eventually embarrasses himself 😭

But he does respect you though, he knows you’ve been through hell and back just being here, and he joins the #protectYuu squad. You are his friend and he appreciates you, he does like you but he’s also really stubborn in a way, he’d rather die than admit it 💀

Tease 101, will not stop his teasing. You’re gonna need help cause this lil fucker will not let you live it down and he will continue to bug you. I pray for your sanity.

Savanaclaw:

Leona Kingscholar:

He had a feeling you were a girl from the moment y’all first met since your scent was different from the others in the student body.

Once he figures it out he definitely regrets the shit he did to you cause he was a dick to you many many times

He tries making up for it by being nicer in his own way- if you pay attention closely he’s really only nice to a select few, and one of those people is you.

He’s definitely way more respectful towards you from now on since it’s canon that this man drinks his respect women juice by the gallon

He does end up becoming a simp 😭, thing is, Leona doesn’t just outright admit it, he’s a huge tease & the man refuses to believe he has feelings for you at first so good luck with that ^^

He wants to make you fall for him slowly even though this man already has a school girl crush on you

One way this fucker does that is by making you blush in any way possible, y’all truly don’t know what you’re in for I am not kidding 😗

Casually brushes up against you or fixes your hair to make you turn red 💀, maybe whacks you with his tail to be an ass or to get your attention. Or he’ll wrap it around your wrist/waist to comfort you. Sometimes he’ll help you out with anything he sees you struggling with, luckily you have him cause this man is very intelligent to say the least.

Flirts with you all the time now since he knows it flusters you. No but seriously he’s really smooth with his flirting like it’ll leave you in shock from how smooth this mf is-

Thing is, Leona never takes it too far, he does keep it respectful since he doesn’t want to offend you or upset you, and if he does something wrong let him know, he’ll make sure to own up to it.

Once in a while he’ll probably drag you to the botanical garden and nap with you there if he feels like you’re overexerting yourself, heck if you don’t want to he’ll drag you kicking and screaming if he has to

Once you guys are there tho you’ll discover he literally only lets you and only you touch his ears and tail

Please touch his ears and tail this man absolutely loves it but would rather die than admit it

He does put in an effort for you and only you, it might not be noticeable to you but Ruggie & other guys from Savanaclaw have noticed Leona acting strange 😀.

If you two ever get really close he’ll more than likely develop feelings for you since you’re the only one who he’d actually put in an effort for. But this man is stubborn as hell so 🙂 he’ll go from liking you to wondering how the hell he fell for someone like you- seriously good luck. He is one, stubborn man, but underneath all that he’s hella worth it.

Leona does protect you in secret because he sees you like a sheep in a wolves den, he’ll have Ruggie & Jack check up on you once in awhile & sometimes he has them bring you over to watch some spelldrive practice.

He ends up hating Crowley even more when he found out Crowley basically threw you in an only boys school with no protection whatsoever: mans respect for him was already low as is but it went even lower 😗

Ruggie Bucchi:

He also more than likely suspected you were a girl cause your scent differed from the rest of the student body

He probably distances himself at first because he’s terrified of women cause of where he’s from, since male hyenas get treated like shit from the women over there

He also regrets his behavior towards you since he also holds women in high regard

Expect an apology from him sooner or later

Eventually when he sees that Leona literally only puts in an effort with you, Ruggie definitely plays wingman and has you come over to Savanaclaw to make him study 💀

Is definitely relieved he found a loophole, he’s glad that you can make that lazy ass lion actually put in the effort to do anything 😭

He tries to be nicer to you from now on since you’re a girl, if you also ever need help he’s more than willing to aid you, for a price of course

Jack Howl:

This boy is literally such a tsundere, he becomes an even bigger one once he finds out you’re a girl

Develops a crush on you but he respects you a lot since he also really respects women

He does also respect you because he knows it must be pretty hard being the only girl at an only boys school, top it off you’re magicless and you’ve had to deal with overblot incidents left and right

He definitely joins the #protectYuu squad

He definitely becomes more flustered around you lmaoo please don’t tease him cause it’s pretty obvious

Does become protective of you since not only are you his crush but you’re his friend & he cares about you a lot.

Octavinelle:

Azul Ashengrotto:

Literally wonders how tf you even managed to stay disguised for so long

Also wonders why the fuck Crowley even lets you stay at an only boys school but at this point he doesn’t even care lmao

Azul becomes one of the biggest simps you’ll have 💀

At first he was 100% sure you were a boy but now? The cats out of the bag now so

He blushes a lot more around you, he really can’t keep a straight face around you and the twins tease him all the time for it. He TRIES to play it cool but he just really finds you so pretty lmao he can never keep his cool.

Probably tries swindling you into a deal that requires you to be close to him

Or he offers a part time job at the Mostro lounge

He does really respect you though so it’s all good

He’ll give you discounts at the lounge and on special days like your birthday you’ll get to eat for free

He’ll send Jade and Floyd to check up on you here and there

Azul’s honestly just really impressed with you. You’ve managed to put up with overblot incidents left and right without help, top it all off you’re a magicless human. He knows it must be difficult, and he admires your hard work.

Jade Leech:

He probably suspected something from the moment he first laid eyes on you since you had really feminine features and you didn’t look like a boy that much

Once he figured out you’re a human woman he becomes curious about the differences in a human woman’s body since merwomen and human women are different, but doesn’t ask. Jade’s an observant soul so he’ll be able to notice the differences quickly

He honestly just becomes a gentleman, even more than before. He offers to help you with anything and doesn’t ask for anything in return

Doesn’t develop a crush but thinks you’re a very cute human woman

Jade’s probably a little protective now since he sees you like a guppy in a shark tank lmfao

He would probably try and make a deal with you but if you didn’t show interest or you weren’t comfortable he would immediately change the subject and wouldn’t press any further

Does try to bring you over to Mostro lounge more than before since he finds out Azul likes you lmao

Floyd Leech:

He also probably suspected something from the start but wasn’t sure if he was right or not since he’s never seen a human woman before

When Floyd went to hug you one day he felt that your chest was squishier than any other guys not to mention your bone structure was different

When Floyd found out he just went, “Huh..? Shrimpy’s a girl?? No wonder she’s so squishy!!!”

He definitely also develops a crush on you lmao

He still calls you shrimpy though but he honestly just finds you really cute

Doesn’t try to make a deal with you

He just really likes the idea of having his hands on you, not in a weird way of course, he just honestly finds you so squishy and warm

Also probably asks what the human woman anatomy is like since it’s different from merwomen, but he straight up asks about it unlike his brother. Floyd has no filter 💀

Expect him to become more clingy, also expect a lot of hugs anytime he sees you. Floyd also becomes more talkative around you and he does become protective of you too.

Scarabia:

Kalim Al-Asim:

He also doesn’t care lmfao

Boy, Girl, doesn’t matter, he likes you and you’re his friend so who cares

Definitely makes more sleepover parties and parades and invites you to all of them (poor Jamil)

He would probably develop a really small crush on you but with how dense Kalim is he probably wouldn’t even notice 💀

He’ll probably spoil you rotten from now on, be it jewelry or anything you take an interest in it’ll be yours

Like for instance if y’all were at the cafeteria and you somehow weren’t able to get lunch this boy goes and buys a whole ass meal for you

He’s honestly just such a sweetheart to you, he’s also so impressed with how you’ve managed to put up everything, he likes how strong you are.

Jamil Viper:

Jamil’s an intriguing simp to say the least

He does come to respect you, and he finds it impressive with how you’ve managed to put up with and deal with the overblot incidents, which were someone else’s responsibility (Crowleys 🙂)

He becomes a HUGE simp, but he’s surprisingly good at hiding it. You think he wouldn’t be good at hiding it but he is, y’all forget, he’s a master manipulator so he can hide his feelings well, but they’re there. You can tell in the actions he shows you.

He likes having you around since you’re such a dear to him and you always offer to help him out, be it with cleaning or cooking you’re always there for him and it makes his heart skip a beat lmao

He’s a bit more open with you however he does try and distance himself at first because he was ashamed at how he manipulated you with his UM.

Would never use his unique magic on you again, since the last time he did it he thought you were an ordinary boy but when he found out you were a girl he vowed to never use his magic on you again

Would definitely use his magic on anybody making you uncomfortable 😭 and would probably go make them make a fool out of themselves in front of a large crowd

He definitely becomes more charming around you, he tries to impress you with his hidden talents and he likes the sparkle in your eyes

He tries to get you to try on traditional clothing from his homeland the scalding sands

(The clothes he gets you to try on are traditional courting outfits but you don’t need to know that ^^!)

He definitely cooks for you more than before since he loves hearing you gush about how delicious his food is

He’s probably gonna end up being your new mom friend, he’ll hit you with the “Did you eat well?” “Did you sleep well?” Etc, he honestly wants to make sure your healthy 🫶🏼

Pomefiore:

Vil Schoenheit:

Instantaneously thinks: “FINALLY someone to practice make up on”

He’ll definitely drag you to pomefiore if you don’t take care of your appearance

He’ll give you his homemade products and he’ll spoil you with tickets to his latest movie/show or he’ll pamper you with spa days

Expect to be dolled up all the time from now on cause this man sees your hidden beauty and he wants everyone to see it lmaoo

Vil is a bit critical on things like your appearance but he helps you out with it and always gives you a little pampering before y’all go into classes: he doesn’t wanna see you all disheveled 💀

Of course he’s also willing to help you out with anything normal, be it schoolwork, your make up, picking out new outfits, anything

He knows boys can be perverted sometimes so he does also offer his protection in case you ever need it

Once you start hanging out with him more often and if you give him compliments on how amazing he is, or if you mention anything about you thinking he’s better than Neige he’ll definitely develop a crush on you lmao

Definitely creates a secret fanclub and will be the leader of said fan club lmao

He also really respects how strong you are despite not having magical abilities, you’ve got your own strengths, he finds your tenacity admirable.

Rook hunt:

Definitely one of the first ones who immediately knows you’re a girl, but he never said anything because he knew why you disguised yourself since it was kinda obvious

He’s also had time to watch you from afar and he’s come to know your body language

He truly finds it fascinating that you’re the only girl here at NRC and he really does find it impressive with how you’ve managed to put up with everything that’s happened so far, every time he sees you he’s just internally screaming “beaute!!”in French

He honestly finds everything you do to be beautiful lmao. Heck you could just be sitting there and he’d be behind a pillar gushing about how amazing your hair looked that day

He probably becomes a bit more clingy cause weirdly enough he likes your scent & also weirdly enough he likes observing you up close (as if he hasn’t been doing that enough already)

Epel Felmier:

This boy is so sad lmao

Don’t get him wrong though he still likes you cause you’re his friend and all but he was thinking you were just like him

He NEEDS to know what you think of him and NOW

Please tell this poor boy he’s manly he needs the reassurance 😭

He’s definitely more protective of you now as well

He does also join the #protectYuu squad lmao

Any compliment you give him will have him thinking about it all night 💀

Ignihyde:

Idia Shroud:

Literally just cue him getting a gushing nosebleed like in those anime scenes lmao

He is the BIGGEST fanboy you’ll have: no ands ifs or buts

He definitely joins the secret fanclub and would try fighting Vil to become the leader lmfaooo

He’s extremely shy around you and doesn’t like to get near you or talk to you because he knows he won’t be able to say anything with how nervous he’ll be

He honestly just develops a huge crush on you 💀 he’s like a schoolgirl 😭 he really comes to like you but he just can’t be near you at all or he’ll just stop functioning.

In a way Idia also respects you a lot. You’re pretty resilient for a human girl, having dealt with all of the crap Crowley dumps on you all the time, he admires you for it a lot.

After a while Idia probably starts to think you’re in your own reverse harem and he’s one of the main love interests; probably sees the other dorm heads as competition now 👀

He’s also secretly protective of you and has ortho check up on you from time to time

However if you were to just suddenly compliment his hair or tell him he’s got a nice face?

Idia.exe has stopped working

Ortho Shroud:

He probably also already knew you were a girl from the first time y’all met since you looked really feminine and he just scanned your features

He’s honestly the same way with you, pretty friendly to you

He most definitely invites you over to Ignihyde to play games with him from now on, that or he sends you over to Idia’s room and has you game with him instead cause he knows it’ll make his brother happy lmao

He does try and play wingman cause he does discover Idia’s heart rate accelerates whenever you’re near and he eventually discovered he has feelings for you 💀. Ortho invites you over way more than before because he really likes the idea of you two being together 😭

Diasomnia:

Malleus Draconia:

Malleus is the type to actually develop deep feelings for you the moment he finds out you’re a girl, though, he doesn’t know what love is so he doesn’t act on it right away

Since he doesn’t really know what this feeling is he goes and asks Lilia

Cue Lilia starting to cry cause Malleus has fallen in love <3

Lilia tells him what those feelings are and Malleus from there on out tries to court you

Malleus honestly sees you as his future queen

Don’t blame him this man has his priorities straight

Not to mention he’s got a whole ass kingdom to think about and you’re literally the perfect one to rule by his side, heck he’s even already picturing how you’d look when you’re beside him on the throne

Malleus truly believes with how you’ve managed to break down his walls, you’ll be able to break down the barriers between the Fae and humans bit by bit

He’s also just truly so proud of you for dealing with students overblotting left and right and putting up with it without any magic, for a human you’re very strong and he just absolutely loves that about you

He falls for you deeply because you were the first human woman to truly touch his heart, you weren’t scared of him, you hugged him freely without care, you invited him to many things, you made him feel appreciated, and there’s honestly so many other things he could go on and gush about why he loves you

As a Dragonic Fae, their tradition in courting is gift giving

He honestly can’t stand how dense you are when he gives you the gifts since you think he’s just being kind, but he supposes he’ll deal with it for now and he’ll let you be dense for a little while longer

He’s definitely a romantic once he does his research and he’ll probably pull moves on you that’ll even have you flustered

This one time he brought you a ring and he slipped it on your ring finger, then kissed your hand and then teleported away leaving you flustered asf 💀

He definitely tries to spend more time with you because he knows human lives are fleeting and he wants to spend as much time with you as he can before you go

Please just return his feeling this boy needs it in his life lmao

Lilia Vanrouge:

He’s probably the same exact way with you lmao

He definitely noticed Malleus’s feelings right away and he’s just so proud of how far Malleus has come lmaoo

He does find it truly fascinating with how you managed to capture Malleus’s eye when you’re simply a human woman but he couldn’t exactly blame him, you were truly kind to Malleus, something most other people weren’t, and Lilia secretly thanks you all the time for it

He definitely invites you over to Diasomnia more often after having that talk with Malleus cause he know it gets him antsy and Lilia just wants to see you two date already

Supportive dad 101 lmao

Honestly he just continue to support Malleus from the sidelines and is a gentleman to you.

Silver:

Probably also develops a really tiny crush on you, he just really likes your presence since you relax him for some reason

He definitely becomes more protective of you seeing as your the only girl in an only boys school

Plus he knows guys can be mean so he also joins the #protectYuu squad, he really just wants you to be safe

After he discovers Malleus has feelings for you he’s just so happy that Malleus has a new friend let alone someone he has feelings for

Both Lilia, him and Malleus simultaneously agree not to tell Sebek of Malleus’s new feelings 💀

Silver definitely also invites you over to Diasomnia a lot from now on cause he likes having you over plus he wants to also play wingman

Honestly he’s just so much more sweet to you, even more then before.

Sebek Zigvolt:

A human woman?! In an only boys school?! PREPOSTEROUS!!!

He immediately wants you to stay as far away from Malleus as possible because he thinks you’ll seduce him

(Doesn’t know you basically already did 💀)

He doesn’t know why he wants a simple human woman’s attention all to himself though and he finds himself yelling at everything you do, heck you could be sitting there and he’d yell at you about your posture 💀 heck he’d even yell at you for breathing

He tries keeping you as far away from Malleus as possible but it’s just a huge fail and he ends up getting curious about you instead

He just tries so hard to convince himself you’ll ruin Malleus’s purity somehow

Ends up developing a tiny crush on you lmaoo but he doesn’t even realize, heck if he did he’s so stubborn he’d constantly be in denial about it

He’s overall more loud and strict with you but he tries to mellow it down since Malleus eventually told him to stop 😭

1K notes · View notes

jkgnggj · 24 days

Note

Question, is saiki & toritsuka's friendship better(healthier) or hii and toritsuka's?

Just a question!!! for me it's hii's and tori's

(Is healthier spelled wrong????)(ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

I FUCKING WROTE A LONG ASS ESSAY TO THIS AND WHEN I TRIED TO POST IT TUMBLR WAS LIKE "WOOPSIE SOMETHING WENT WRONG 🤪" BITCH !!! ANYWAYS SORRY FOR SUPER LATE REPLY I HAD TO RETYPE AND RESEARCH STUFF AND REWATCH THE EPS FOR THIS LOL

Ok so basically I think they're both healthy / unhealthy in their own ways its just up to ur interpretation yk. Like ultimately it's up to everyone to decide whether it's toxic or not in their hcs and fanon aus and stuff bc note everyone's gonna have the same opinion but to me I think both friendships are very healthy in their own right.

I think at first tori's def a bit selfish and only seeks out relationship out of his own selfish desires like he seems out Saiki bc of his cool powers (though there isn't much wrong with wanting to befriend someone bc u think they're cool) but he also mentions he wishes he had those powers and then he goes on to try and make saiki use his powers for saikis benefit (aka be popular and get a girl) which again isn't like the worst thing ever like it's obvious Tori would want his only friend to help set him up with someone but the way he does it is a bit disingenuous bc he's pretending to be something or someone he's not. But regardless saiki always helps him even if he doesn't actually help lol sometimes he sabotages him tho usually Tori does that to himself LMAO. But saikis supportive of Tori even tho he insults him and shit he's just a tsundere who doesn't know how to show affection and his way of doing it is a lil violent but he doesn't actually ever harm Tori he always heals him and stuff when he actually physically does damage so Tori can't even feel it when his insides explode lmaooo. Also saikis constantly helping Tori become a better person and do the right things. And u could say it's "toxic" or one-sided cuz only Tori gets something out of their friendship but that's simply not true bc saiki gets a friend out of Tori and the first friend to know Abt his powers too, the first person out of his family to know him for who he truly is powers and all. He's also really reliable even if he's kinda incompetent or useless he is still a huge help when it counts. Tori's constantly putting saiki above his selfish desires when it really matters. They each give and take from each other which I think is necessary for a healthy relationship tbh. It's not one sided at all bc they each risk their lives for each other (cat tank arc).

As for hiitori like any relationship Tori pursues it's a lil superficial at first bc he's got unpure intentions and like selfish reasons for approaching her. He wanted to flirt with her and date her simple as that he wants to be loved lol. And he's a bit of a jerk Abt it bc altho he's nice and kind to her u could say he's probably mostly or at least partly doing it to end up dating her or so she doesn't end up hating him or losing feelings for him bc he's never really had a girl like him for more than like 0.2 seconds. He approaches Saiki to help cure her unluckiness so that he can date her without the fear of getting killed (which like sorta fair but at the same time still douchey lol). He also gives up and runs away bc he's a coward and tries to dump her into Saiki and Mikos hands bc again he's selfish and prioritizes his life over anything else but he tries to protect her (and himself, or maybe himself and by extension he protects her) when they're together like when he offers to take the dangerous chemicals to class himself instead of letting her touch them. So you could say his motives are more Abt self preservation than love but I do think he still cares about her safety and well being (even if at first it's just bc hes desperately and selfishly attached to her love for him). And he gets a lil "toxic" or like possessive when satous in the pic bc now he's got a love rival and he doesn't really like being dumped over the average dude (like fair again but it's still seen as toxic bc he calls hii-chan his girl LMAO) and so he tries to get between them right but backs off when he's literally almost killed at the stationary store haha what a coward. But then when they find out why she's so unlucky although reluctantly Tori ends up helping Saiki figure out how to cure her misfortune. And u could argue he only did it for Saiki's sake so he could praise. Him or be proud of him but I think the reason (if not most of the reason anyways) he does it is because he does genuinely care about hii-chan's safety at the end. He can't just leave a poor cute defenseless girl with that shitty guardian spirit. She's the first girl who's ever really had feelings for him for this long and like genuinely doesn't hate him or whatever so ofc he's gonna have a lil soft spot for her she's the closest thing he has to a friend in class since most of the girls hate him and call him "pervitsuka" and shit so im sure he was trying to be legit helpful and useful to if he wouldn't get recognition for it. I mean he goes full on mom mode on the guardian spirit and then nendou sr comes and goes mom mode sr on the dude too and cleans him up and then it's still not enough so Tori sacrifices (literally, he holds a fucking funeral for them) his getas burning them at the stake just so the guardian spirit can be happy and protect hii-chan like he should've been. He doesn't even complain about giving up his high heels what a brave girl he is 😔💔 oh u also made a post I think Abt how when tori was missing for a whole fucking week the only one who noticed was hii-chan and she went and told Saiki and that's the only reason he found out lol. Maybe it's because the dude sits next to her in class or bc he was her first friend at pk or her first love of something but whatever the reason it was still incredibly thoughtful of her to worry about him and his wellbeing. That's something that didn't really occur to kusuo so I guess if u really wanna pin them against each other hii-chan wins by being the more thoughtful of the two but hey Saiki felt guilty and wanted to rescue Toritsuka despite him being brainwashed and hating him at the moment that he risked his life for him just so he wouldn't get hurt by the cat tank so I think they can't really be compared since. They're different circumstances lol.

Anyways, I think that although his motives for starting any relationship and approaching anyone are usually selfish, Tori sticks around and helps them when they need it. Both saiki and suzumiya are important for Toritsuka's growth as a person / character and their relationships are both fairly healthy at least by the end. I think toritsuka loves and cares for suzumiya and saiki as much as they do for him <3

#ty for the ask Hopefully this one doesnt fucking delete itself again ugh #fuck u tumblr #ruchans asks

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lupaeus · 2 months

Text

get to know the mun .

What made you pick up the muse you have? at first i just wanted to use a new fc , i came back to tumblr rp and the first muse i made was a maia mitchell fc ( hayley , she's over on @tvintedspvrk ) bc i'd used her fairly often over the course of like a decade and i just wanted to mix it up , and then emma pretty quickly started developing and growing and especially when i moved her into the teen wolf fandom she just took on a mind of her own and became my number one little rat goblin

Is there anything you don’t like to write? doesn't apply to emma obviously but i'm very selective about M/M ships , just because i'm so out of my element . it's possible , just generally reserved for close friends

Is there anything you really enjoy writing? ANGST i love causing my muses pain emotional or physical it's so twisted but i also love fluff and letting them be happy and in love etc

How do you come up with your headcanons? i literally just start talking and wait for something to stick most of the time lskfjldkjfdslkfjf

Do you write in silence or do you play music? when i don't have my concerta i try to write in silence but a lot of the time i have some kind of music playing

Do you plan your replies or wing them? i wing literally everything lmfao

Do you enjoy shipping? yes

Do you not like shipping?

Is there another character you would like to write? i have so many of these assholes in my brain but there's always another straggler to pick up from the obscure background of various media

What’s your Alias/Name? em ( i rly named myself after this bitch she owns me so bad )

Age? 26 ( and a half 😤 )

Birthday? september 4th

Favorite Color? lime green and black

Favorite Song? the crumbs noah kahan has shared of great divide

Last movie you watched? creed ii with liv

Last show you watched? i can't think but probably some reality show via a commentary youtuber

Last song you listened to? new perspective by noah kahan

Favorite food? nachos or crab rangoons

Favorite season? autumn

Do you have a squad on tumblr? yeeee boy we out here @greedaeye // @goldenboybarracuda and also @boundforhale // @stilesstylelinski

Do you have a tumblr best friend? literally so many but @razorfst gets a special shoutout bc she's so quickly become such a great friend and i'm currently screaming over all of our different plots and trying to decide which draft to do next lmao

tagged by : stolen from @waehles tagging : everyone i already tagged , @salvatoraes , @implsvly , @shadowbrn , @ofcrxwns , and YOU

#୧ ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ attention deficit kids in their gym clothes ⌗ dash games .#୧ ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ so when my thoughts take off may i breathe deep ⌗ ooc .

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moonlitmastery · 7 months

Text

Stained Glass Shadows

AN // So, this is literally the first thing I've posted on tumblr in ages, is mostly unedited and literally my only knowledge of MW2 is through fandom, so I apologize if anything is a bit wonky. I mainly did this as an exercise in getting back into writing, so feel free to leave comments/criticism/etc. I hope you enjoy! :)

TW: Blood, Mention of Severe Injury

She’d have to remember to thank whoever decided it was common practice to leave church doors unlocked. Despite the smell of old hymnals and decades old carpet, it was dry. And empty, at least for the most part. Her partner was up in the wings, silently watching for anything following in her wake. Did Soap make it here yet? Eyes and hands steady, silent. Her steps are heavy, uneven. Dully thudding against worn carpet before she all but collapses against the side of a nearby pew. Pain blooms below her ribs as she pulls a hand out from underneath her vest. Tacky and slick with blood, she fumbles with the switch on her comms unit.

“G-ghost? How copy?” She coughs out his name, wincing as she tries to push herself up against the side of the pew before abandoning the effort.

There’s a beat of silence before he replies, “Here, Sparrow. All clear on my end.”

She coughs out a laugh, “Got here at least. Think they pinged me, ‘least what it feels like. Might just sit here for a bit, that’s alright with you Lt.?” She drops a hand to the carpet, damp with blood that blends with the deep maroon shag. She hears a thud somewhere distant as he drops from his position, is he really that far away? Everything blurs and sways as Ghost makes his way towards her, footfalls coming faster. Crosses on the sides of pews blurring into rectangles. Stained glass becoming a mess of colors in the moonlight. There’s a distinct smear of red across his mask, broken by deep brown eyes.

“Shit sparrow, that’s more than a fuckin’ ping!” He lifts her tac vest slightly, seeing the clear tear across a blood smeared abdomen. She all but shatters under the pressure of his hands, biting back a yowl and writhing before a second hand steadies on her shoulder.

Cold. She’s so cold. Still she tries to sputter out a laugh, blood dotting her lower lip and copper in her mouth, “Si-,” she coughs, a rattle deep in her chest “ hurts like a bitch, Just wan’ it t’ stop fucking hurting” Since when were there two of him? She hears his voice over comms, muffled and distant despite his closeness. Who was he talking to? Price? Soap? Shit, Soap.

She misses the wet panic edging his voice as he presses down harder, a new surge of blood wetting his gloves and the carpet. “Gonna patch you up soon, jus’ hold on for me, yeah? You gotta hold on, lovie.”

Black spots her vision as she sobs, “Tryin’ to Si, swear ‘m trying. Hurts so goddamn bad. Please Simon, fuck- can’t feel you,” another sob, “please don’t let me go.” She hears the doors to the church open again. Heavy steps rushing towards her. Soap asking what happened. Ghost snapping as he applies more pressure, always more pressure. Her bloody hand rests towards his shoulder, stained nails biting into his bicep, other hand covering his own. With a shuddering breath, her vision fades completely and for a brief moment, she swears she can hear the angels singing.

He’s there when she comes to, blood stained gloves draped over the end of the hospital bed, stark against sterile white hospital sheets. Arms crossed over his chest as he stares up at the blank tile ceiling. She shifts up onto the pillows a bit and bites back a groan through her teeth. Why is everything so bright?

“Didn’t know I was worth waiting for,” her voice is low, hoarse. Mouth dry with one of the worst cases of cotton mouth she thinks she’s ever had. Where is everyone? His head snaps down, eyes bloodshot and puffy. He’s not wearing the balaclava. Opting for a simple black mask and cap in the privacy of the hospital room. They must be back home. A low, withering sigh escapes his lips as he drops her gaze almost immediately.

“Thought I’d- we’d lost you, lovie.”

“Can’t get rid of me that easy, Si,” she pauses, questions dancing on the tip of her tongue, “How long was I out?”

“Couple of days,” he swallows thickly before continuing, “ya lost alot of blood before we could get you back.” He pauses, choosing his next words carefully, “Bullet did more damage than they thought at first.”

It’s then she sees just how large the bandage is spanning her torso. Running down from under her ribs to the middle of her abdomen.

Oh.

Silence spans the length between conversation, straddling the line between awkward and comfortable before he finally moves, leaning down and pressing his forehead to hers.

He’s the one to break the silence, words hardly a whisper against her cheek, “So damn sorry, lovie. Shoulda had a better eye on you.”

Carefully, she wraps an arm around his neck, pulling his mask down and pressing a tender kiss on his lips. “It’s not your fault, Simon. Nothin’ you could’ve done, they got me in a blind spot. Not your fault.” A gentle hand rests on his cheek, thumb stroking light circles on a scarred cheekbone. Stubble prickling the palm of her hand, he hasn’t shaved since before the mission. Hasn’t been home since before it happened.

His head drops to her shoulder after a moment, breath fanning against her neck as he’s hunched awkwardly over the bedside. Hand resting lightly over her bandaged side. “Love you so much, darlin’. So much.” The words are barely a whisper, cracking when they leave his lips, as if he speaks too loud or too fast, she’d break. She swears for a moment that she feels tears in the crook of her neck, warm and damp as they pool at the neck of the hospital gown.

Pulling him even closer, she cards her fingers through short blonde hair. “I love you too, Si. Always.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s three months before she’s cleared for duty because of the wound itself, scar still pink and spanning, stretching as she tries to maintain some semblance of normalcy while sequestered at home. Its eight more weeks when she’s told she needs a shrink before she can go back to full duty, twice a week for eight weeks with homework. It’s a routine, she adapts. She learns to ignore the dull ache that happens a couple weeks out of each month, worsening when it rains. Learns to ignore the way she can’t stretch as well on that side anymore.

Sometimes it haunts her.

She wakes in a cold sweat. Swearing that her shaking hands are covered in crimson. That the motifs of stained glass are laughing in cold moonlight as she slips and grasps at green khaki.

#simon riley x reader #ghost mw2 #simon riley #tw blo0d #tw injury #drabble

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pastel-rights · 9 months

Note

Rate your friends

oh this anon finally decided to come around [insert tracy happy here]

uhhh it'll be underneath the cut because it's gonna be. long as hell BWAHAHA apologizing ahead of time if I get sappy 😶‍🌫️

sap

sapppp

Rina [ My first real internet friend 🫡]

RINAAA I see you. I see your art. I perceive you.

And, even if we don't talk as much as we used to in the past, you'll always be the first of many great people I've met. And, I really love and appreciate your presence in my life. Dare I say it was life-altering!!

Ocean, Shamia, Arella, and all your other ocs, I'm cradling them in the palms on my hands so so lovingly. I have so many things I need to tell you to be honest !! But goddamnit I have work every night so I'm always busy doing something wahhhh

Anyways.

New Shamia reference when? I need to draw her and her blonde bitchass dog [ jack ] again they're so funny and I miss them 😭

Blue [ My lifelong irl to internet friend ]

From an IRL friend to now an online friend, we just can't get rid of each other. You're so cool...

You don't use tumblr so, I won't talk much further... but I do appreciate you. And all your silly Itto shrine moments.

Tae [ My Beloved Wife 🫶🏼]

She's the Cro to my Lee.

The Shuichi to my Kaede.

The President Barbie to my Stereotypical Barbie.

The Kafka to my Bladie [ unfortunately /lh ]

Theeeee Raiden Ei to my Yae Mikooooo.

My wife is many things to me!! I really really love your art and your writing, and you're always so kind and funny and I just wanna grrrrr I just want to hold all your ocs and all your muses so close I love them all 😭😭😭

although

YOU.

YOU

FUCKING

ASSHOLE /lh

THAT ORPHY EDIT. THOSE KAFKA BLADIE EDITS. THAT PEACE AND FRIENDSHIP TRIO EDIT. TRYING TO GASLIGHT ME INTO THINKING EVERYONE ELSE ISNT REAL. THE MURDER. THE KIDNAPPING. THE DART. THE FUCKING DART. OUGHHHHHHHHH

I HOPE YOU FALL THROUGH THE SKY, JOHN. KER-FUCKING-SPLAT, BITCH. I think you've driven me insane. A little bit.

But.

We're so good we are so good. Don't even WORRY about it.

Sam [ My Infamous Brother-in-Tumblr Law ]

Sam you're so. /pos

I think the Immortalpheus AU has permanently altered my perception on life.

Your writing is. well. it's painful /pos

You're so cryptic and really funny yet you and your sister make me say some weird shit during work. Like the uno cards and the Dazai shenanigans and Immortalpheus moments and whenever you drop some life shattering fics and shit you drop on others.

Crazy.

You're a very nice and fun person, all jokes aside!! You're very cool and very amazing and a delight to game with and just fun to be around??? your AU lore and your bots and everything is just so.

mwah

good friend good friend!!

french /j

Piano Immortalpheus forever immortalized isn’t that funny

Navi [ My detective in arms ]

NAVI.

OUGH.

THOSE VERITY JOURNAL ENTIRIES.

IM SO.

OUGHHHHHHH

Your art and your way of expressing your characters and your son in your writing are just soooo good I rotate them in my head so often.

Whenever I see you posting about your crimes to Tumblr, I simply giggle. Get em, Navi!!

We don't talk very often but like. I'd love to talk more. plot. commit shenanigans. heart hands.

Fifi [ fucking fifi /lh ]

I want to clasp my hands around your neck and rattle you violently /lh /pos

How are we friends /lh

We've been friends so long, it's kind of insane??? I remember first talking to you during Amy's opening event and everything just sort of spiraled from there... and every day with you is. an experience!! /pos

Still waiting for the Tower Bifty interaction fr fr [ they try to murder each other within the first five replies /j ]

Carrie [ my favorite mike enjoyer ]

CARRRIEEEEE

Number One Mike enthusiast the real Mike enjoyer.

Im always so giddy whenever you occasionally message me, even if it's just to check on me or show me how you torment Sam /lh and your writing and way of interpreting differing IDV characters and skins is so good??? I love reading them they make me so giggly.

Overall 10/10 friend would ramble to given the chance

Pins [ my boss /ih ]

MAFIA FISHHHHHHHHHH

stunning

beautiful

talented

pink enthusiast

My actual best friend, dare i say the bestest friend in the world???? every moment I spend with you is a blissful and amazing moment, and you've been through so much with me and the fact you stayed throughout it all????

I'm just... really glad you chose to stick with me this long. I can be a very abrasive and impulsive person, and yet you care for me, even with all my flaws and I think that just... says a lot about you.

You're the Jade to my Chiaki.

The Rook to my Epel.

The Deuce to my Ace!

Also your art just solos everything I glow whenever I see it

Skye [ my twst buddy !! ]

Grabs you

Holds you

Rattles you

Is friend.

Is friend shaped.

Approved /lh

Four [ floyd kinnie moment ]

Stop tormenting me with the take a break floyds you SCARE me

Never will be over the fucking

Ghostbusters Floyd edit

I flex my Beans Floyd in memory of you

You’re not dead I think you’re just somewhere in the distance squeezing someone like your life depends on it

10/10 friend when we ignore the four imposed breaks /j

Beth [ my favorite aesop and naib enjoyer ]

You.

Holds you gently.

The Aesop player

The Panda Naib haver.

The beloved

The silly.

✨ Beth ✨

Your art? Immaculate. I such a adoration for your art, and whenever I’m able to catch your drawing streams??? I’m just in awe!! Your colors and outfit inspirations are just so cute so nice so well done???

You’re so. You’re so cool uwahhh

MarioGuy [ where do you keep coming from I know damn well it isn't the door /lh ]

I feel like you kind of just break into my house sometimes and make yourself known before randomly disappearing through a non existent back door /pos

You’re a delight to be around!! Every match with you is a bit. It’s uhm. Something!! /lh

Please stop breaking into my home

Rice [ i occasionally remember that Mi Bianca thing and cry a little ]

Every time I see you pop up in my notifications I just smile and giggle.

We don’t talk often but you’re just so cool and awesome and your muses are so funky fresh and your art is so good and ????

Yeah.

Klai [ you. ]

You.

Chaos gremlin.

You never learn.

But you’re funny so I guess it’s okay.

Your art is so. It’s like a shiny gem 💎 and I WANT it. Holding it hostage.

My precious friend’s doodles.

Never trusting you to prime a cipher though. No hard feelings /lh

10/10 friend!! 0/10 decoder though /j

Orange [ ORANGEEEE my favorite chaos gremlin ]

ORANGEEEEE 🍊

So funny

So talented

So cool

So so cool

Your art is so good, you’re so funny and talented and a wonder to talk to. Your ideas are so creative so unique and yet so unequivocally you and I just…

I love it!!

Orange stop being so cool /j

Clown [ the greatest step-parent on the scene!! ]

This is utter insanity Clown you can’t be EVERY MUSE’S step parents there has to be a LIMIT!!!

A LINE in the SAND!!!!

Clown PLEASEEE

But also your art.

I’ve talked so much about everyone’s art

Yours reminds me of the feeling of waking up on a snow day and realizing school is canceled.

It’s always such a delight to see!!

And while every time you open your mouth, I get a little more worried about you, you’re so so cool /lh

Lupi [ you. x2 ]

imagine arson? imagine it no more im approaching your house at rapidly increasing speeds with my hello kitty lighter /j

Sleepy [ 🫡 ]

Sleepy!! 🫂 so cool,,, you’re so cool,,, /pos

Emma [ Sorry. Only one monster lover can exist in this server peacefully. GET EM. - emma ]

The caption says it all.

Also Tatya stop accidentally seducing all the muses or nearly getting stabbed or exploded or hypnotized you are worrying the GIRLIES! /lh

Al [ you have the vibes of the drunk wine family member in a /pos way ]

I don’t talk to you often but whenever you come around, it makes me so giggly. You’re very funny and your art slaps!!

Joe [ joe the silliest ]

JOE

Joe

Joe!

Your art? Funky fresh.

The lore? So interesting I love the little snippets I see floating around.

You’re so creative

Your Embrace is so funny they scream sacrificial lamb uncle who’s kind of fun at parties /lh

They’ve also got a really nice and warm personality, chaotic yet chill and relatable.

Kind of reminds me of Sam but without the entities 🫶🏼

Nakki [ you. x3 ]

Grabs you like a squeaky toy

That’s it that’s everything tbh

Kory, Boris, Brian [ and the rest of the McMun's Hut /lh ]

And this goes out to all my friends and acquaintances in the McMun’s hut! What is wrong with all of you /pos/lh (except you Boris, you’re an Angel)

Everyone there is super chill and super nice, and they’re a lot of fun to be around. So many differing personalities yet it’s always a vibe somehow.

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anthropwashere · 5 months

Text

I've gotten two letters from my mom since my aunt died last month and they've both been just. So, so aggressively manipulative. Y'all can skip this post. I'm not looking for sympathy likes/replies. I just need a good rant and sometimes it does pay to yell into the Tumblr void.

Still—still!—she insists I have never told her why I refuse to speak to her anymore. She has the receipts on this, going all the way back over a decade ago to my early 20s when I conceded to communicate to her solely through e-mails. That avenue of communication ended with me blocking her pretty much everywhere online after she called me a sociopathic bitch on a public platform family, friends, and coworkers followed me on. Very cool of her, very mature.

(If memory serves she was arrested shortly thereafter. Pity it wasn't for something more serious than, jeez, I can't be assed to remember. Something to do with her driver's license? I know she asked me for a couple grand about it and cussed me out when I told her my baby Airman ass literally did not have the money even if I were inclined to help her.)

Every single letter she sends me includes a brief tangent about how she's been watching YouTube videos about estranged families (both sides! she always includes the both sides!). She always says she wants to understand but she can't because I've never told her why I refuse to talk to her anymore.

How many phonecalls, how many HOURS, have I wasted crying in rage and despair as I try to tell her all the ways she hurt me, physically and emotionally and mentally, before I realized she'd never accept it? That she would always, always try to gaslight me like this? That she'd give me that guileless, wide-eyed and furrowed brow anxious stare and that high, plaintive goddamn voice. That she'd convince me time and time and time and time again that maybe, maybe I'm overreacting?

This most recent letter was a real treat. She went out of her way to say she wasn't trying to guilt trip me, really, but she's JUST lost both her sisters AND her parents in the last year and she's terrified she might die soon next so WHY won't her ONLY DAUGHTER just TALK to her? 😭

So, firstly. I can only speak for myself and my interpretations of what my extended family will feel, but I'm pretty goddamn sure we're all gonna CHEER when she finally fucking kicks the bucket. Ain't nobody gonna miss her when she croaks. Even if her sisters outlived her that'd be the same. My only complaint when she does die is that I'm gonna insist on paying for all of the funerary expenses because she's already leeched too goddamn much from the rest of the family. No way is anyone gonna pay for her bullshit one last time, even if that means paying folks back with interest after I fly back to California. And you can be sure I'm gonna go out of my way to take the cheapest route possible at every opportunity out of spite. This woman doesn't deserve better than the bare minimum. That's all she's ever given everyone else after all.

Secondly, I will concede the fact that yes, she's lost both her sisters in the last year, not even a full year apart from each other. And that sucks! It's extremely fucking sad! My aunts raised me as much as she did, and they both sure as hell paid for more of my childhood needs than she ever did. I was able to afford to go to my younger aunt's funeral last year, but even with the surprise disability backpay I got this year I've been dealing with a lot of owning-a-100+-year-old house expenses (such as replacing the entire goddamn original roof) this year, so I genuinely couldn't make the trip for my older aunt's funeral. Two family members offered to pay for my flight and I just couldn't accept that kindness because I grew up watching my mom take and take and take and take from the family.

THIRDLY HOWEVER.

Her mom, my maternal grandma, died TWENTY YEARS AGO. Her dad, my maternal grandpa, died THIRTY YEARS AGO. And she hated her parents! She fucking loathed them! I spent more of my childhood being her psychologist instead of her goddamn child; ALL I HEARD ABOUT was how much she hated and resented her parents. This is THE first time I've heard her trot them out since I lived with her back in the 00s, and it might damn well be the first halfway-positive mention of them since long before that? This is so transparent an act I can't help but be insulted that she'd think I'd take the bait? Using the LITERAL DEATHS of others to try to goad me into talking to her?

Like. Jesus. Last year at my younger aunt's funeral just about every single member of the California-centric family pulled me aside to ask if my mom was being too much. My aunt's CHILDREN, damn near non-functional with grief, asked if I needed help handling my mom. And there were a couple occasions where I damn near admitted yeah! She's being too much! She won't stop fucking touching me! She won't stop making her sister's death about herself! And here she is, a year later, doing the same goddamn thing again with her other sister's death!

She's a manipulative, gaslighting abuser who refuses to grow up and accept responsibility and/or repercussions for her actions despite being in her late-60s. She gleefully twists the knife into whoever she can get her hands on and acts SO distraught and SO betrayed when people find fault with her actions and behavior. I don't know a single person who knows her to like her anymore once she's shown her true colors, and somehow she's still convinced she isn't the problem.

What a waste. What a fucking waste.

#toxic relationships #days before i went to basic training she told me she was either going to become a nun or kill herself #because she didn't know how to live without me #that was not remotely the first time she threatened suicide to keep me in line #nor the last #sorry. sorry. this rant got bigger than i expected.#anger has been percolating #i try to let go of parent-bullshit as much as possible as a direct middle finger to how i was raised #but sometimes i just gotta lay it all out and gesture violently at it all #i'm not crazy! she's awful! she's really awful! fuck this person right out of my life! die faster please!#cousin if you see this post i'm doubly not looking for sympathy from you.#i'm ranting and petty and speaking in broad terms because i almost always speak in broad terms when ranting about shit on this site

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steddieas-shegoes · 1 year

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Call Me Sunshine, Send Me To Space

Everyone has really loved this one on tumblr and on AO3. The tumblr app is a fucking nightmare (affectionate) and resets itself as if it has short term memory loss and people have mentioned that halfway through reading something, they lose it, and have to try to find it again. I know it’s happened to me plenty, so I wanted to also post the AO3 chapter by chapter links here so you don’t have to worry about losing it!

Chapter 1: nothing in life is permanent, but tattoos and you and me Chapter 2: crashing to earth, your hands hold me down Chapter 3: can't be alone for long, you're the company i need Chapter 4: touch me just enough, send me closer to the sun Chapter 5: something’s different here and now, come and part the clouds Chapter 6: this flying feeling, it's natural babe Chapter 7: he drops, we fall Chapter 8: keep your fingers there, inside, where they belong Chapter 9: i love you, do you know how much Chapter 10: sweetheart, sweet thing, my love Chapter 11: you deserve to feel beautiful, say it with me Chapter 12: a lifetime of breakfasts with you Chapter 13: testing the binds of these hands you've tied up, cutting the rope that holds us Chapter 14: my love is not a loan, you can feel it in your bones Chapter 15: easy to love, even when it's hard Chapter 16: no cloud can cover my shine Epilogue Bonus Buckingham Chapter

I plan on keeping my tag list open on here until I reach the second to last chapter (which won’t be for a while so don’t hesitate to ask to be tagged!), but as a backup I do recommend subscribing on AO3 if you’re invested. Sometimes I post from my phone (shocking and risky I know) and the tags don’t always work because as I said above the app is a fucking nightmare, and also I am forgetful.

Everyone has been so fucking nice it blows my mind. I have no clue what I’m doing, just here to have a good time, but you guys have been so supportive and I cannot tell you how much it makes my day to see your likes, reblogs (with the most insane tags please continue to do that omg), and replies. And not just with this, but with ANYTHING I post. I haven’t had something that’s for me in a really REALLY long time, and this has been something that gives me a lot of happiness. I’ve never been a confident bitch, and I’m still not, but I’m working on it and letting myself enjoy being a part of the fandom more actively than just reading whatever everyone else posts.

This also feels like a good post to say that if you feel I miss any tags on AO3 as this goes on, please let me know! I never want anyone to get surprised by something. I update the tags as necessary for every chapter, but I’m human and may miss something or may consider something a tag that’s already there that may be a new one to others. This goes for ANY of the stuff I post on there, but especially the chaptered fics like this one.

SENDING ALL MY LOVE ALONG THE WIRE BABES ❤️❤️❤️

-Mickala

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #tattoo artist eddie munson #guidance counselor steve harrington #grumpy sunshine trope #soft dom eddie munson #sub steve harrington #call me sunshine send me to space #myfic #ao3fic #chapter links

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my-opinions · 1 year

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With all the testing that has been happening the past two days, and the subsequent social media posting about a certain Mr. Piastri, I have seen so much anti-Oscar rhetoric. Not on here, I don’t think people give a shit enough on Tumblr but certainly on TikTok and Twitter (and by pretty well-known accounts too).

And I get it to a certain extent, you are going to miss Daniel but to say “that seat will always be Daniels” ??!?!?? like girl the team has been around since 1966 (that’s 56 years) I grantee you that in 40 years’ time very few people will remember Daniel in a McLaren. (People will remember him but not for his time with this team). This may be a bit controversial but if you are a fan of Daniel, you will understand that it was better for him to leave McLaren. It was a toxic environment and bad for his mental health (you can be sad about him leaving F1, I am, but it was better for him to get out of that mess.) If you are a McLaren fan, you will realize that while Daniel is a great guy, he has not provided the results and he needed to. And because Oscar is a rookie, he doesn’t cost as much as Daniel. Even if (which he won’t) perform like Daniel has this year, they’ll still be saving around $19,5 million

On top of that, to send hate to Oscar is just simply wrong. It is not his fault that management of both Alpine and McLaren is bad. He has earned his spot fair and square. He DOES NOT deserve fucking death threats all because he is one of the most talented people to come from the junior categories in recent years.

Also, I find it very funny that everyone is crying over Daniel and Lando not being teammates anymore (I’m not laughing at your pain, shame man they did have a very good relationship at the end) but when they started out it was so awkward. Just rewatch the first couple of challenges they did together, Lando was very wary. (Even if we think about all the iconic Dando moments, a very large majority of them happened this year) I personally think they (Lando and Oscar) will either get on really well, as in being salty bitches together or will hate each other. I think it will be different from Lando’s previous teammates because for the first time they will be very similar in age so there won’t be the generational divide he had with Daniel but at the same time he will still have those extra four years’ experience that Oscar doesn’t have. I also think Lando will probably enjoy the power trip of being the “older” more experienced one that Oscar must learn from.

When we look at Lando and Oscar’s relationship next year, we must remember how long it took for him to warm up to Daniel.

I got a bit off topic but essentially what I’m trying to say is that Oscar doesn’t deserve the hate he gets for simply existing. A LOT of people are just hearing that he’s replacing Daniel and then start to blame everything on him. Everything he has achieved so far gets swept under the rug and they just say, “oh well he’s not as funny as Daniel so Lando won’t like him” My siblings in Christ have you seen the man’s old tweets?!?? Even in the Prema videos he’s hilarious. He’s just some random gen-z kid who is so done with life and I, as a fellow gen-z kid done with life, respect this.

What I’m trying to say is that he deserves more than his replies being full of hate and people calling him a traitor and backstabber. He deserves “well done, I’m so proud of you” “Can’t wait to see you in the car next year” Anyways be prepared to be sick of me, because I’m going to post so much Oscar prop next year cuz the man needs all the help he can get.

#sorry this is so long but Jesus if I hear one more person saying something bad about him we’ll have words #it’s just a bit a of a rant #I will be following this up with some more of my favourite tweets but I am writing exams right now so I just need to find the time #oscar piastri #lando norris #daniel ricciardo #f1 #formula 1 #f1br #2023 season #if any other struggling Oscar fans would like to be friends that would be great everyone in my family hates him for “what he did to Daniel.

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quickdeaths · 6 months

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GET TO KNOW YOUR ADMIN !!

name — Bryn

pronouns — She/Her.

preferred comms — Discord for sure! I'm on Discord basically all the time and I try to be pretty responsive to things. If you unlock the secret friendship tier, I will also bother you with memes/ship inspo/random conversation/etc. but even if you don't want that, it's got a big window and a search bar so it is infinitely better for plotting than anything else. That said, I do tumblr IMs too, if necessary.

name of muse — quickdeaths.tumblr.com/muses there's a lot of them take your pick

experience in RP — I started out 17-18 years ago on the forums for a D&D webcomic. Eventually I checked out of that scene, bounced around LiveJournal, had a cup of coffee in Gaia Online, and then came to Tumblr around 2012ish. Was pretty off-and-on here until 2015, and I've been part of the furniture here ever since. I've done a few things on Discord and through Google Docs since, but I think for better or worse, I'm just Here Now.

best experiences — Meeting my girlfriend will always be #1! We met here on tumblr and even though she doesn't RP as much anymore, I'm always going to be thankful for the things we wrote, and how RPing together helped us become friends, and then girlfriends. After that, all the things I've done with people that were long-term and plotted, with mutual investment. I've been doing this long enough now that even people who've left or who I fell out with, I still have a lot of fondness for those stories, as well as the long-term stories I'm doing now.

pet peeves / dealbreakers — The number one ultimate pet peeve for me is people dropping threads without personally notifying their partners. Not everyone lurks on dash, and it's easy to miss posts, and when people say things like 'gonna drop some of my drafts,' it's easy to feel like you've been put in a limbo state. Hiatuses are one thing but dropped threads like that just drive me crazy. Super long wait times on replies (I'm talking like, consistently 2-3 months or more) are rough for me too. Lack of communication as well, especially when it comes to choosing a muse(s) to write with.

muse preference ( fluff, angst, smut ) — Angst > fluff > smut for me. I'm an angsty bitch and I love the drama. I like drilling down into character flaws and weaknesses and forcing them to Go Through It and confront things they don't super want to confront, so I'll probably never get tired of writing angsty stuff. I like fluffy stuff too, but a bit more sparingly just because sometimes I think it can get a little circular. Smut... to be honest, I'm not against writing it if a plot calls for it and it makes sense for characters but I've had a handful of rough experiences in the past with people, and it's an area where I'm not very confident as a writer. You will never see a spicy sideblog from me though, I will simply put it on dash like a shameless heathen.

plot or memes — plots plots plots. Honestly, I would never do memes at all if it weren't The Culture here on tumblr. I never know who to send for, or from, when it comes to multimuses, I worry that the ideas aren't interesting and can't sustain long replies, and they don't usually inspire me. Plotting is great because you can figure out a dynamic, whether there's any preexisting knowledge, maybe a general direction you want things to go, etc. Almost everything I've loved doing has come from plots, but I'll still be offering both forever.

long or short replies — have you seen my blog i should be locked up and the key thrown away. I have lost the ability to write a reply under 5 paragraphs and with Certain People Who Know Who They Are I get up to like 8, 10, 12, occasionally some deeply unhinged 33 paragraph drabbles. I don't even have a good excuse really, it's just what feels comfortable for me to write. It lets me do all the inner world stuff that I use to round out my characters in a scene and contextualize them, while still (hopefully) having enough action and dialogue to respond to.

best time to write — It depends. Late afternoon/early evening is probably best, but later evening is fine too. Sometimes I will start a Particularly Ambitious Reply late late late and get too tired to finish it, and then finish it when I get up in the morning, and that seems to work for me too.

are you like your muse — Not really, I don't think? Although I guess that's for other people to judge. I try to give all my muses traits that I can relate to on some level, or at least one thing that feels connective between us, but I honestly think I'm too boring to be a very good RP character. I think Rio is probably the character I'm most similar to, but even then, I think it's more superficial similarities like hobbies than much else.

Tagged by: @more-than-a-princess Tagging: i will fill this in later, if you are seeing this post then i forgot to fill it in and that means it is a runabout, you can steal it, no one will ever know

#dash memes

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cwarscars · 1 year

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𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑.

𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞. han or sexy bitch w/e u prefer honestly

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬. she/her

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. discord ( ims are ok but staring at the lil box makes me wanna die & i ALWAYS lose track of my ims, especially longer messages ). my discord is always available on request !

𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞(𝐬). heid has been active for a long while now, kaz is VERY active right now & krauser/volgin are nudging me for attention ( they can be found here ! )

𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞/𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 (𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐬/𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬?). i’ve been writing fanfics since i was a whippersnapper ( around fifteen odd years ) but i’ve been roleplaying for around twelve on tumblr.

𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐯𝐞 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝. mainly just tumblr for longer roleplays. i use discord sometimes ( but find it hard to keep track of ) and wire in the past. i like tumblr though for roleplaying, it’s easy and the layout is nice. especially for longer stuff. less pressure than discord, too, i find.

𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞. the friends we made along the way owo. no, really. i’ve had a lot of nice experiences with making friends online while roleplaying. that’s been really fun. in general, there’s been moments in fandoms and stuff that have just been hilarious. i love the sense of community in some fandoms & the connections you form with people over something as silly as a dumb au or character opinion. those sides of tumblr rp are the best sides.

𝐫𝐩 𝐩𝐞𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐬 / 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐬. there are a few things that immediately turn me off in fandom / rpc. i cannot stand elitism, especially when it comes to canon characters. i have seen people be put down /so many times/ by people who claim to ‘know the characters’ and have put themselves atop a pedestal of ‘best fan ever’ - it’s fucking lame. you’re a full grown adult and you’re shitting on people for not writing a fictional character the way you’d write them. everyone’s allowed opinions and you’re allowed not to like other people’s portrayals, but the elitism by some people just makes me cringe. it’s never needed.

another thing is the people obviously in fandom for likes / attention. they strive for no real connection with peeps and just want the dopamine of getting a bunch of likes on a post. they never post ic shit and just constantly make posts like starter calls / attention calls. it’s become really popular in the last couple years and i’m not a fan of it.

finally, graphics / aesthetics. i say this as someone who makes this shit; it is not the be all and end all of rping. you don’t have to look super fancy to be good. a lot of my favourite writers on tumblr have simple aesthetic / graphics. ultimately, people can style their blogs however they want but when people turn their noses up at others cause you don’t have the latest in deep fried psds with super hard to find links and a theme that makes your eyes scream, that’s sad.

𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭. i don’t mind ! i like them all but certainly lean toward angst. i find fluff is fun to do with characters who are more lighthearted / cutesie and smut is very one-note for me. i can write a couple smut scenes in quick succession and then i’m burnt out ( two pump chump LOL ). i find smut can outstay it’s welcome very fast so that’s why it’s so hit & miss for me. angst, i find fun but it depends on the muse & setting.

𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐬. both. i like answering memes because anything can come from a meme. a whole au or storyline can be spawned from a silly meme or a line of dialogue from music / a film. it’s why i try to write longer replies to memes, it’s because i try to think of a setting / why they’re in a certain situation. in terms of plots, i only like plots that have an actual plot. i don’t mean setting. i mean plot. saying our character’s are astronauts for this thread is good and all but - where are they going? what happens in the end? how did they get there? i like plots that are FULLY fleshed out and don’t like ‘winging’ plots. i find it way easier to write and enjoy a thread if i know the trajectory it’s on rather than just saying fuck it and writing whatever springs to mind. i should have mentioned above but one of my biggest bugbears while plotting is how everyone seems so reluctant to plot a beginning / middle / end to threads.

𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬. either. i don’t know how people write so much all of the time and find myself honestly intimidated by super long threads. i try to write as much will come to mind. i don’t like one liners much because i hate making icons ( lol rip ) - so, like 2-4 paras is usually pretty comfy for me.

𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞. it’s 6am right now & i’ve written like 6 ask response and this lol. i write at weird times cause it’s when my house is quiet & i pretty much need silence to write. >.<

𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞(𝐬). LOL. umm, i’ve said before that i think i’m as stubborn and blunt as heid but i try not to be rude / nasty like he is. in terms of my other lads, i’m similar to gladio in that i can be a little self-righteous and i guess i’m like kaz in a lot of my morals / beliefs. but otherwise, i’m not a sadist and i try not to be a villain so hopefully i’m not too much like them lol

tagged by: nobody, i YANKED it

tagging: @alphateamsfinest @poeticphoenix @ubcs @infernocharged @witchcraftandburialdirt @pitgritted

#(ooc)#i tagged u guis cause i wanna all ur deets :eyes:#SERIOUSLY tho everytime i tag peeps for these i wanna tag everyone but then if i did that you would ALL hate me cause #like 90000000000000000000000000000000 peeps would be tagged c.c #iluyall helnlo-#(queue; open the door get on the floor everybody walk the dinosaur)

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meep9898 · 2 years

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I don’t know if it is my place to say this. I’m tired of it seeming like I’m always complaining about something. You may or may not see it as I do. That’s okay. I understand life and other stuff, like our own emotional, physical, laboral, family, social, etc. kind of problems and lives come first. I understand time zones can be bitches too. Really I do. I’m not in here as much as I’d like to because of it..But I also don’t want to stay quiet and keep eating the issue up, because I do think this community has a problem.

A new person arrives into this community and, after a while, we stop caring about them or we never give them a chance in the first place. We all crave the interaction, but do little or nothing to get it, sometimes, even when it is given to us on a silver plater. Everyone already knows what they like, who they like, and what they want to write, but almost no one is willing to sacrifice a bit of that in order to interact with new people or to try new things. Tumblr and, from what I’ve seen in my many years of lurking around here, this community aren’t the same as they were. They’re both dead half of the time, and we’ve all mostly taken to keeping it alive individually by doing our own thing without caring for others or their things.

To me, it feels like an endless cycle. And I can say this, because I feel I’ve fallen into it too. You get into this app/this community as the ‘new guy’. Because you’re new, you try to approach everyone and anyone. Sadly, nowadays, 99 out of 100 times, nothing comes out of it… so you keep trying to approach people. Some you approach because they say they crave the interaction. But still, nothing comes out of it. Also, no one or barely anyone reaches out to you. You always have to be the one trying to start something. You always have to be the one sending an ask or a DM. Eventually, you get tired of it. You get tired of being here, endlessly scrolling like a dumbass. No DMs, no asks, no starters. Nothing. Nothing if you don’t start it first. They say ‘if you want things done, do them yourself’. Well, it gets freaking exhausting always being the one that has to do everything. So you stop approaching people… And when the next ‘new guy’ arrives, you don’t approach them, but you still crave the interaction. You’ll write little things, you’ll luckily get an ask or a thread, maybe two…But that’ll be it. And what you started as something you wanted to do for yourself, and that you wanted to share with others, slowly dies…and you’ll only help to slowly kill that for all the future ‘new guys’ that come here to get distracted from life for a while and enjoy writing some weight gain kink for fun. I know I’ve done it.

I’m aware this doesn’t apply to everyone, but I think we need to learn to stop being afraid of approaching each other. Everything feels so volatile. Barely anything lasts in here. We won’t be able to keep this alive for much longer if we do it on our own and without committing to something or someone at least for a while. Maybe some of you can, and that’s great and very commendable, but I know I can’t. I don’t want to be here forever, writing a minor thing or two, or reposting some art, without getting any interaction.

At least in my case, please know that you can approach me at any time for whatever you may want, whenever you may want. I may take a while to reply because, as I said, life comes first. Of course, I have my rules and things I won’t like or want to do, but we can at least discuss it. And I also know that I will try to continue approaching others and to be more approachable, ‘cause simply saying ‘you can reach me’ doesn’t always cut it.

Anyways, that’s my little rant that’s all over the place about Tumblr and its WG kink community.

#Meep’s musings #I’m just tired man…

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foreveranevilregal · 2 years

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Omg I’m so tumblr inept, I tried to reply and deleted it, wth.

I love your writing so much! I totally understand the feeling of pouring your time and energy into a fic and feeling like no one even reads or cares, I’ve been there. But I appreciate you and your writing, and I’d be so bummed if you stopped (but of course you have to do what is best for you!!) Especially since you are writing such amazing Pepa/Félix content, which no one seems to be writing anymore?? Where’d we all go all of a sudden??

Thank you so much for this! I hope you don’t mind me answering it publicly, since I want to keep it.

I really appreciate you and everyone who’s supported my writing. I’m not pretending to be the best writer in the world, but I’ve probably written more for Encanto than any other fandom, and that’s directly due to the amount of support and reactions I’ve gotten. I write for myself, but I share that writing for others. And if it seems like others don’t care, that can be disheartening. Especially with prompts, because those are 100% for others.

I love your writing too! The Waiting Game was amazing, and the general vibe of it kinda inspired my kitchen sex prompt. I’ve read it a few times now since I love it so much plus the overall lack of Félix/Pepa content. I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with the lack of feedback too. It really sucks spending time on making something you’re proud of and then releasing it out into the void to get crickets. At the same time, I know I’m not the best at leaving comments either, so I’m trying to work on that.

Okay, so it’s not just me noticing that?? Thanks, I feel a lot less crazy now! But seriously, what happened? It wasn’t even a gradual tapering off. It feels like a bunch of fandom creators just stopped making Encanto stuff all at once. And I’m a stubborn bitch, so if I have ideas I’ll keep writing them, but again, I try harder when I have feedback and prioritize stuff that seems to have a wider audience. I’m kind of a people pleaser, so I’ll be more motivated to write stuff people want to read. So I guess the moral of the story is: support your fandom creators! Yes, it’s scary to comment, but lurking isn’t a thing on tumblr, and the only way for someone to know you enjoy their work is if you tell them. So many people I know have quit creating fandom content because of the lack of feedback, and that’s a shame. Please, if you want people to keep making stuff, encourage them! Looking forward to any Encanto sequel/series because i selfishly want the fandom to be bigger again. I’m always open to new fandom friends, so please feel free to talk to me! I’m not the most outgoing person, but I do genuinely enjoy making new friends and talking to people!

#mm so this is love #asks #day made #thank you!!!#really needed this #it feels like people just don’t care anymore ya know #like all of a sudden everyone just moved on

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dysporhicliving · 18 days

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I haven’t talked to anyone about this because I know how it’s going to end and I know what I’m going to hear and I really don’t want to confront it right now so I guess I’ll put it in my tumblr diary

I know I’m ignoring red flags from him and I can’t understand why. I don’t know if it’s because I’m so desperate to be desired, my deep sense of self hatred and thinking I deserve to be treated badly, or if I’m just blinded by the honeymoon stage of a crush right now.

I can’t stand this. I’m over here over thinking myself to death about literally anything that happens. I’m not one to usually do this, but I check his socials every day and occasionally watch his snap score to see if he’s ignoring me (he 8/10 times is) and end up hurting my own feelings about it. And as sad or upset I am about it, it all washes away when he replies to me or starts giving me romantic attention. Rinse and repeat.

I’m going to list some red flags I’ve picked up on and hopefully knock some sense into myself and make a decision because if I’m making a mistake, it will be an awful road to go down

1. He slapped me multiple times during sex without consent (to be fair, I did not stop him or let him know it made me feel uncomfortable)

2. I can’t remember how the conversation went, if I consented or not, but we had unprotected sex the first time it happened. He didn’t finish in me but bad things can still happen. (I have a feeling I did consent because I really did want this)

3. He isn’t communicating that he wasn’t any relationship with me right now and I think he thinks we are just FWB (I think I told him I was cool with this)

4. He isn’t the nicest person in the world to me, jokingly (?) will call me a bitch and general playful insults that I sometimes cannot tell if they are real or not

5. I don’t think he is a clean person?? I’m pretty sure his room is messy and cluttered, and I’ve been inside his bathroom before and it’s genuinely super gross like I think there is mold in there and I don’t think he’s cleaned it before

6. Usually most of our in depth conversations are sexual, we don’t talk about our feelings or really try to get to know each other that deeply (this falls on my shoulders as well)

7. Bro unironically says tiddies???

8. Started out as a great texter but I think when I started showing more interest in him he began to slightly distance himself (he could genuinely be busy)

9. I don’t think he really checks up on me? in the beginning I posted I was sick and he asked me if I was okay, and usually after nights of me drinking he would ask me a few times a day how I was feeling, but now I could tell him that I can go days without eating and I could say that I don’t feel well, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t dig too deep into it. Also didn’t question when I was around him why I didn’t eat once in the 3 days when everyone went out for food (he did see me staring at a burger and offered me a bite but dropped it when I declined)

10. He’s a hardcore gamer and spends a ton of his time playing video games or on a discord call. This makes me think he would never fully prioritize me nor be willing to spend a lot of time with me

11. I can’t believe I forgot this but early on he told me that he likes to make women cry during sex because he likes the feeling of power over someone. This is the worst one to me and I still ignored it even after a close friend greatly warned me and was not too happy to hear I was still talking with him.

I think that’s all I can come up with right now?? I know these can be considered major red flags and some of which have definitely scared me but I have always buried it. I don’t know why. I am genuinely considering uprooting my whole life to move to their city so I can “afford where I live” or “be close to my best friend” OR “get a better job” and while these are all valid, i suppose, I’m worried I subconsciously want to move there because of him. What if I’m tricking myself into thinking this is a good decision for me and I would end up miserable and depressed and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it because I’ve already gotten a new job and moved away.

My solution? I keep telling myself I’ll just kill myself if it doesn’t work out. I’ll say I have always wanted to die, and I’m scared of getting old anyways, and I have nothing to truly look forward to. I will either try and damage my body by starving it, forcing my heart to work too hard, or just actually killing myself. I don’t know. I’ve been using suicide as a backup “what if x doesn’t work out” and things usually end up somewhat working out. But I’ve been doing this for years. I planned on dying after college. I tried doing it when I had already moved. And now I plan on doing it if I’ve just ruined my life by getting a new job and moving to a city that doesn’t even catch my eye.

Anyways, end of rant I guess. I’ll come back to this later I’m sure. In the meantime, I’ll be self sabotaging and wondering why I’m not happy

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