Have You No Idea That You’re In Deep? [Chapter 4: Under The Heart Tree]
Aemond is a fearless, enigmatic prince and the most renowned dragonrider of the Greens. You are a daughter of House Mormont and a lady-in-waiting to Princess Helaena. You can’t ignore each other, even though you probably should. In fact, you might have found a love worth killing for.
A/N: I wanted to take a moment to give a heartfelt THANK YOU to everyone who has fallen in love with this series!!! I read (and go back to reread) every single comment, reblog, tag, and message I receive, and they mean the absolute world to me. I truly don’t have words to express how appreciative I am of you all. With the end of Chapter 4, this series is officially halfway over; there will be 8 chapters total. I hope you continue to enjoy it. 💜
Song inspiration: “Do I Wanna Know?” by Arctic Monkeys.
Chapter warnings: Language, witchcraft, a wild Aegon appears, drama, pregnancy, a tiny bit of sexual content, mentions of death and violence (per usual), cryptic Helaena prophesies, Sir Criston being a supportive stepdad, found family feels, one (1) still jealous boi, more drama, lots of shouting, this fic is for readers 18+!!!
Word count: 6.5k.
Link to chapter list (and all my writing): HERE.
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“What do you need?” Aemond asks—his voice tender, the back of his hand testing the heat of your cheeks—and you tell him. He gathers everything: foxglove, sorrel, mint leaves, sticks of cinnamon, snakeskin, bloodstone, clear quartz, a blue candle, black tar rum, blood from a living bull. He does this swiftly and without any hesitation. He knows that only you have the power necessary for a cure.
In the dead of night, the prince half-carries you to the heart tree in the godswood of the Red Keep. You try to grind the dry ingredients into dust with the mortar and pestle, but your hands are weak and trembling. Aemond takes the tools from you and finishes himself. He sets the candle on a gnarled, ancient root and sparks it to life with the dagger and flint your mother gave you before you left Bear Island. Then he pours the dust into a pitcher and slowly mixes in the rum and the bull’s blood. The candlelight dances on his face: shadow, light, shadow again. All the while, here where the Old Gods can hear you, you chant this over and over: “Mend the bones, fill the veins, stitch the flesh until it’s whole again.”
Aemond grimaces as he stirs the contents of the pitcher with the dagger blade. “You don’t have to drink this or paint it on your bedroom walls or something, do you?”
You smirk wanly. “Not quite.” And that’s fortunate, because you haven’t been able to drink anything in days.
Back in the Red Keep, the servants to fill your bathtub with water so hot it clouds the room with steam. Once they’re gone, Aemond helps you into the tub and then adds the pitcher’s crimson brew. You steep in a shimmering, blood-red sea and feel the sickness sweat out of you: the nausea, the tremors, the pain, the repulsive bone-deep weakness. Aemond perches on the rim of the tub and braids your hair to keep it tucked neatly away, singing softly in High Valyrian, words you haven’t learned yet.
“I don’t deserve you,” you murmur in the dreamlike haze of blood and heat and relief, nearly asleep. Your cramped muscles have unraveled like loose threads. The anxious, scratching demons that live in your skull are blessedly chained at the moment.
“You do,” he replies. When he leans down to kiss the crown of your head, you can hear the smile in his voice. “You always will.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Sleep recedes from you like a waning crescent moon. Sounds of the morning breathe in through the open windows: birdsong, faraway voices, clops of horse hooves, wind in the leaves. You stretch, tentatively measuring the strength of your body; there is no aching, no fragility, no absence of strength like smothered embers. Your spell worked. You are cured. The triumph swells through you, a dazzling sort of fever. And then when you open your eyes, you see him.
You yelp like a startled animal. “What—?!”
“Good morning,” Aegon says brightly. He’s cross-legged on top of your writing desk and brandishing a cup of wine in his right hand.
You sit upright with a groan. “You need to stop doing this.”
“I have things to say that you should hear.”
“What?” you reply crossly.
Aegon sips his wine. “My mother has formally invited Borros Baratheon and his daughters to court. She did it a while ago, actually, but she’s been keeping it quiet. She didn’t want to give Aemond too much time to brood, I think. They are arriving in one week. There is going to be a feast. Lots of dancing, lots of diplomacy, and—my personal favorite—lots of drinking.” He raises his cup in a mock toast.
“Fantastic,” you say flatly.
“The thing is, Jason Lannister heard about this little development all the way out in Casterly Rock, so now he’s sending his daughters to court too. And so are the Arryns, and the Starks, and the Tullys and Tyrells, and Greyjoys too, if they can find anyone who counts as a lady. Maybe even the Westerlings and Swyfts and Swanns, you know…just in case they can pull an upset.” He takes another swig of wine. “It’ll be just like a horse market, except that all the horses walk on two legs and wear dresses.”
“One week…” Everything in you sinks. I knew this was coming, of course I did…but does it have to happen so fucking soon? Then again, maybe any time would feel too soon, months or years or decades. Maybe eternity with Aemond wouldn’t be long enough.
“No matter which horse wins, the result will be the same,” Aegon continues. “An engagement will be announced and my brother will soon wed in the Great Hall and set about the glorious task of producing heirs.”
“Okay. What do you want me to do about it?”
“I thought you might benefit from having the opportunity to prepare yourself. To devise an exit strategy. To…” He considers this next word carefully. “Cope.”
“Oh,” you realize, staring at him. You’ve never been able to get a handle on Aegon Targaryen. He’s not attentive to Helaena—she gets companionship from Aemond, from Alicent, from Otto, from you, but not from her husband—yet to your knowledge he’s never been cruel to her either. He does not ridicule her many peculiarities. He does not criticize her. On the rare occasion that he shares her bed, you overhear no sounds of mistreatment, no weeping or shouting or coercion. Aegon never leaves marks of violence on his wife, which is more than you can say for your own father. He neglects his duties, but he does not rebel against them. He’s done horrible things, surely, blatantly; and yet somehow he does not strike you as a particularly horrible person. “You’re not here to torment me. You’re trying to be helpful.”
Aegon smiles, but there’s very little humor in it. “You can keep that to yourself. No one would believe you anyway.”
He hops down to the floor, guzzles the last of his wine, and leaves the empty cup on your dresser before vanishing through the doorway like a ghost.
~~~~~~~~~~
The gardens are buzzing with bees and gossip. You sit in the midst of a stiflingly mundane tea party and try to remain present enough to smile and nod at the correct moments. You wring your pendent—moonstone gem, silver chain—as Helaena eats lemon cakes beside you, humming contently. She is technically the host of this gathering. It’s meant as a welcome to the noblewomen who have already begun to arrive at court, an opportunity for them to mingle and sample the luxuries of King’s Landing and prove themselves as future wives and mothers. So far, all they’ve proven themselves as is vapid and shallow and frustrating; although perhaps you only feel that way because one of them might be destined to marry the man you love. Aemond hasn’t mentioned the feast to you yet. He never mentions anything related to his impending marriage to some other woman. You’re afraid to bring it up. You’re afraid to break the euphoria you’ve been living in with him like a spell.
As your attention wanders, you notice a spot of blood on the sleeve of your dress. Before the tea party, you and Helaena had been watching Aemond and Sir Criston spar in the courtyard. That particular exchange had been bloodless, but then Ivar Kellington had broken the nose of some hulking Arryn man deluded enough to challenge him. The droplets had sprayed into the crowd like burgundy rain. The match lasted about twelve seconds.
Look at me, having some illustrious gilded blood after all. Ha ha ha.
Across the table, several noblewomen have veered into a covert discussion of one of King’s Landing’s greatest scandals: the indiscretions of Prince Aegon. You can’t catch every word, but you can catch enough of them. Which means Helaena can too.
“A handmaiden…that’s what I heard…yes, I know…what an embarrassment…well you can’t give them all moon tea, now can you?”
You glare at them—a Tyrell girl, you observe now, and a Lannister and a Tully—but they continue their prattling. Helaena rises from her chair and hurries off into the foliage with tears sparkling in her eyes.
“Hey,” you begin, but still the ladies take no notice.
“Little blond children all over the city…more brothels than you could…and the fighting pits…”
“Hey,” you say again, leaning over the table. Now they look at you. “Shut the fuck up.”
“Excuse me?!” cries the Tyrell.
“How dare you!” says the Lannister.
The Tully blubbers: “It’s not like she understands anyway—”
“She does understand.” Your voice is fierce and black and low. “She understands everything. She is your future queen and you’ve upset her with your stupidity. She’s too kind to tell you that to your faces, to make you pay for it. Her kindness is chronic and all-consuming. But I suffer from no such affliction.”
“You seem to suddenly think very highly of your station,” the Tyrell notes. “I wonder what has instilled such confidence in you, Lady Mormont.”
“Yes,” says the Lannister. “Has your family recently acquired some new lands…or titles…or armies…or anything?’
“No.” The Tyrell grins viciously. “They still just have poor little Bear Island. I wouldn’t even be able to find it on a map.”
“Perhaps that isn’t something to brag about,” you say, and storm away from the tea party before she can puzzle out what you mean. You can feel their narrowed eyes following you, cold and conspiratorial.
You find Helaena by a towering butterfly bush. Winged insects in a hundred different colors swoop around her like snowflakes. Silent tears stream down her ruddy face.
“Helaena…” You move to comfort her, then think better of it. She can be very particular about being touched. “I’m so sorry,” you offer, not knowing what else to say. It’s not like the girls were lying. Their words were terrible, and they should not have been said in earshot of Helaena; but they were true.
“Dragons do not speak our language,” Helaena says haltingly, deliberately. A sapphire-blue butterfly lands on her outstretched hand. “But still, they understand. To think they don’t is a mistake.”
“Yes,” you agree.
“They are not stone. They feel as deeply as we do.”
“Yes,” you say again. She means herself, of course; woven in the womb to speak differently, to think differently, to be so irretrievably different. And yet you find every thread of her wonderous.
She opens her arms wide. For a moment, you don’t understand what she wants; and then you embrace her. She clutches you tightly, digging her fingernails into your shoulder blades, burying her face in your neck. You can feel her tears there, hot and flowing freely.
“It’s alright,” you soothe. “Everything’s okay. You are so loved. You are so blameless.”
“I want to help you,” she says softly between sobs.
“Help me…? Help me with what, Helaena…?”
“I want to help you,” she repeats; and then she plods off, swiping tears from her eyes with both hands, still surrounded by a blizzard of butterflies.
~~~~~~~~~~
“I have to talk to you about something,” Aemond says.
You are sitting together under a juniper tree on Bearstone with a picnic you’ve assembled: breads, cheeses, cherry and apricot jams, glossy red apples, honey cakes, wine for him, pomegranate juice for you. The kitchen staff had shot you sideways glances as you plucked each item from their cupboards. They know you’re Helaena’s lady-in-waiting, but they also know that you’ve been spotted socializing with the royal family with increasing frequency. There are whispers, and there are rumors, but if Alicent and Otto Hightower are aware of them they haven’t mentioned anything to you. Perhaps they feel it’s not even worth mentioning. Perhaps they expect the problem to be imminently remedied by one of those gorgeous, wealthy, well-connected women sauntering around the Red Keep.
“Okay.” You steel yourself for what comes next. You’ve known this was coming since the very beginning, since your arrival in King’s Landing, since before he ever touched you; Aemond Targaryen must marry, and he must marry well. Your hand settles protectively, instinctively over your belly, where your child lives unbeknownst to the rest of the world. You will be showing within a few months. What happens next will not only affect you. The prince’s affection for you is such that you now trust him not to leave you abandoned, adrift…but which path will he choose for you? He could give some lord a generous reward in exchange for marrying and providing for you…although given his territorial nature, this seems unlikely. He could send you back to Bear Island. He could send you to Dorne, where he counts the maesters among his few true friends. He could send you anywhere. He could set up a small household in the Crownlands somewhere, visit you a few times a year, know his child only as a passing thought. Regardless, you will lose him, whether in part or in whole; regardless, he will drain away from you like spilled blood.
Aemond says: “I think we should marry as soon as possible.”
Your mouth falls open. The apple you’ve been holding rolls out of your grasp. “You can’t marry me.”
“Why? You don’t consent?”
“No, I…” You shake your head, staring at him, stunned. You can’t find your words. “I…I’m a Mormont.”
He smiles. “I am aware of this, Moonstone.”
“Then surely you are also aware that there are currently about fifty highly-esteemed noblewomen in King’s Landing prepared to fight to the death for a chance to marry you. And that Otto Hightower and your mother are expecting a prompt betrothal to one of them.”
“I won’t do it,” he says calmly.
“You have to.” It pains you to say it, it flays you alive to say it, but it’s true. “I know that. I’ve always known it.”
“I have met my match in you. I will have no other. And my child must be legitimate.”
“They won’t allow it, they’ve planned this for years, they need this marriage—”
“Then Daeron can do it,” Aemond says. “There is one more son of King Viserys, is there not?” Daeron is younger than Aemond. He’s been serving Lord Ormund Hightower as a squire in Oldtown since he was twelve. You’ve heard that he’s a sweet boy, a compliant boy, more humble than either of his brothers. But he won’t be ready to marry for another few years. Aemond peers out over the ocean, meditative, melancholy. “I have already given enough to this family.” His eye, he means; his eye and his dragon and his swordsmanship and his fierce, efficient loyalty. “They will not take you from me too.”
You watch him, the wheels in your mind whirling. Is it possible? Is it really? When he turns back to you, he is at once himself again, or at least the way he is with you: kind, gentle, alight.
“What do you think, Moonstone?” Perhaps he’s nervous, but he’s hiding it well.
“I think that there is nothing I want more than to be bound to you in every way possible.”
“You must truly consider it,” he warns. “If you are my wife, you are inextricably linked to our side in what comes after. You must fully understand what you are entering into. Nothing can stop me from having you except your own will. If you have rethought your allegiances, or if you cannot bear to face the bloodshed…I can send you somewhere safe. I can make you disappear.”
What comes after. War, he means; the war of succession that will almost certainly follow the ailing King Viserys’ death, whether in a week or a month or a year. On one side will be Rhaenyra and Daemon. On the other will be Alicent’s children. You know exactly where you’ll be standing. “I understand, and I consent. I will shy away from no battles.”
Aemond closes the space between you. He takes your face in his hands and kisses you roughly, deeply, sending dragonfire heat spiraling down to every piece of you: nerves, arteries, bones, heart.
“So you aren’t bored of me yet,” you tease, climbing into his lap, your fingers tangling in his silver hair. Your freshly renewed body fits with his perfectly, effortlessly, like the black of night around the stars.
“Regrettably, I am not even the least bit bored of you.”
“I hope I don’t get you killed.”
“I’m sure you’d have a spell to fix that.”
You laugh, and he kisses you again, grinning, greedy. You respond eagerly, melding into his rhythm. Blood rushes to your cheeks. Your heartbeat races. The ocean wind is strong and tearing, the grass beneath your knees soft.
“Hm. I’m glad you’re feeling better,” your betrothed murmurs, his palms pressed into the small of your back, pulling you in closer.
“Me too.”
“And you’re hungry again.”
“Starving,” you amend, grinding your hips against his, turning his face away with your hand so you can bite the soft white skin of his throat.
“Oh, fuck,” he gasps. His right eye is dazed, rapt, lost in you like a labyrinth; his sapphire glistens like sunbeams reflected off the crests of waves. You guide his hands beneath your dress so he can feel how wet you are. And he whispers slyly as he helps free you from all those cumbersome layers of fabric: “I told you you’d always be mine.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Aemond has studied the marriage rituals of the North. He knows them almost as well as you do. And so what must happen next is clear.
He comes to collect you from your room when the moon is high and the rest of the Red Keep dreaming. He looks the same as he always does—dressed in black, hair long and flowing, stoic and unsmiling until he sees you—and there are no special ornaments for you either. Weddings witnessed by the Old Gods are not strewn with guests or festivities or music or gold. They are vestiges of long, dark, cold winters when survival itself was a triumph. They are bare; they require only the meeting of two honest souls. And a heart tree.
Aemond grazes a thumb across your cheekbone, marveling at you. “Are you ready?”
“Yes.” And you are: completely, absolutely, with every drop of blood in your veins.
He takes your hand in his. He leads you from the room. And then, on the other side of the door, you discover Helaena. Both you and Aemond halt mid-step.
“Can I come too?” Helaena asks timidly. Moonlight glows on her angelic face. “I would like to be there. I would like to see you happy. Someone should be happy…if not me and Aegon, if not Mother and Sir Criston, if not the king…then at the very least you two should be.”
“Helaena…” Your words cut off, choked by emotion. You reach for her. She burrows into your arms with no reluctance at all. “Of course, my love,” you say, holding her. Aemond gazes at you, smiling faintly, immeasurably proud. “Of course. You are always, always welcome.”
In the godswood, under the cold fire of infinite constellations, the three of you arrive at the heart tree. You carry no torches to attract the attention of others. In the darkness, there is no discerning the color of the grass or the bark or the leaves. All the world is a murky, placid indigo; all the world is blind to arbitrary mortal designations of good and evil.
“There’s one thing I should mention,” Aemond says. “I have arranged for us to have a witness. I know they aren’t necessary in the North—the Old Gods themselves are the witnesses, seeing through the heart tree like a window—but I thought it would be wise for us to have someone of widely-regarded integrity to confirm that this marriage occurred. There can be no disputing it later.”
This is sensible. Your palm skates over your belly before you remember to stop yourself; you must get into the habit of giving away no clues of your pregnancy…until your marriage is public, at least. “But who…?”
Sir Criston Cole trudges into the godswood in full armor. “Alright Aemond, you better not be forcing me to help you catch and cut open a bull again, I’ve still got the bruises from last time, good gods…” He stops dead when he sees you. “Oh. So this has been the cause of your distraction.”
“Sir Criston, Lady Mormont and I are to marry.”
Sir Criston’s eyes are wide and blinking. “…Marry…?”
“Yes,” Aemond says. “Immediately.”
“What? Where…?”
“Here.” He turns to the heart tree in explanation.
Sir Criston stares blankly at the three of you, then shakes off his paralysis. “Oh no. No no no. Your mother would murder me.”
“I think we both know that’s not true.”
“Aemond…” Sir Criston begins, petrified.
“I am asking you to serve as a witness because of the love you bear for me and my family,” the prince says. “And I am asking you to keep this from my mother and grandfather. Not for long, mind you. Just until the feast has passed and the nobles have returned home to their own castles. Then I will inform my family in private, and they can soften the blow by offering Daeron’s hand in marriage to whichever house they decide they like best. This is not treason, Sir Criston. It is a mark of the profound trust I have in you.”
“Oh gods. Gods help me.” Sir Criston covers his face with his hands and stays that way for what feels like a very long time. Fireflies illuminate the cool night air like stars. Several land on the sleeves of Helaena’s gown and shine there like jewels. “Okay,” Sir Criston agrees at last. “I’ll do it, Aemond. I’ll do it for you.”
The prince embraces the lowborn knight, perhaps the best swordsman in the realm. “You’re the closest thing I have to a father.”
“I know.” Sir Criston’s mouth quivers. His dark eyes are slick. “Now let’s do this before I lose my nerve.”
You and Aemond join hands under the rustling leaves of the heart tree. Sir Criston stands beside the prince; Helaena stays near you. There is a distant rumbling of thunder. Sparce raindrops begin to fall. Aemond doesn’t know the vows used in a Northern wedding, you realize, and you can’t remember them well from the marriage ceremonies you attended as a child; from what you can recall, they are generic, plain, ‘who comes to take this woman?’ and that sort of thing.
“What should we say, wife?” the prince asks you, smiling, starlight in his eye. Suddenly, you are alone with him here in the godswood. You are the last people in Westeros, in the entire world. Winter has come and gone and left nothing but two ghosts doomed to dwell together here for eternity.
You speak without first thinking of what to say. The words flow through you like a river. “In the sight of gods and men, I bind myself to you. I will run from no battles, I will crave no flesh but yours, I will put no cause before your own. I pledge to you any strengths that I possess and I vow to slay my weaknesses. I am yours, body and soul. Use me as you will, but only out of love.”
Aemond repeats these words, and then he kisses you. Helaena claps; Sir Criston bows his head to hide a small, sincere smile. Rain falls as you all hurry back inside the Red Keep.
For the very first time, Aemond takes you to his own bed, to the room where you cast the spell of protection that saved him in the joust. There are still remnants of dust on the floor; he could not bring himself to erase you. As your clothes fall away, flashes of lightning reveal every line and birthmark and scar. There is no shyness. You know every stitch of each other already. You make love with gentle, exquisite slowness as the storm builds outside: his fingers woven through yours, his thrusts deep, his whispered promises heavy with truth.
~~~~~~~~~~
“I have something for you,” your husband says as you stand together by the fireplace in the privacy of Helaena’s chambers. In the flames, dry wood pops and crackles. “For the feast.”
“We are so well matched you will not believe it,” you reply. “I have something for you too.”
Helaena brings it over: a tunic that you have been embroidering together for days. It is black—Aemond’s preferred color—but decorated with a dragon of silver thread. The beast winds around the wearer’s back and waist and arms, breathing cool glistening fire.
“It���s supposed to look like Vhagar,” you explain. “But…well…I’m not quite as good at embroidery as Helaena is, so the face is a little…and the wings…”
“It’s perfect,” Aemond says, beaming. And then again: “It’s perfect!” He yanks off his plain black tunic and replaces it with the one you’ve gifted him. “Now I will appear especially dashing for all my prospective wives.”
Helaena giggles, blushing a cheerful pink. She is elated to be in on a joke, to have been trusted with information of such consequence. She points at the silver dragon. “Be cautious with her. She will not always listen.”
“Who, Vhagar?” Aemond asks. “She listens well enough. I’ve tamed her. I’m good at taming all manner of beasts…dragons…bulls…bears…” He grabs you by the waist and draws you to him, kissing the side of your face over and over until you squeal and push him away, laughing. “As for my gift…” He calls for the servants and they enter with a gown. They hand it to the prince, casting you a wary glance, and then disappear again. The gown is unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. The color is subtle, shimmering, opalescent, almost…
“It’s…it’s…”
“Moonstone,” Aemond says. He gives it to you. The fabric flows like water. “I commissioned it the day after the joust. No one else will have anything like it. I’ll be able to spot you anywhere in the room.”
“I doubt you’ll have time to notice me. There will be a plethora of views to enjoy.”
“Yes,” he agrees. “But you’ll be the best.”
He leaves to accompany Alicent as she enters the feast while you and Helaena finish getting ready. Helaena’s gown is a vivid greenish-blue, and the stones in her jewelry are turquoise. There are teardrop-shaped sapphires dangling from your ears and a string of them around your left wrist, gifts from the princess. As always, your moonstone pendant hangs from your neck. You are dressed ostentatiously for a mere lady-in-waiting, particularly one from as modest a house as your own. People may wonder about that. You smile to yourself. They won’t have to wonder long.
The Great Hall is radiant with music and conversation and candlelight. The most celebrated houses of Westeros mingle: the men boasting about their lands and their swords (which hang at their belts in scabbards of leather or metal), the women boasting about their wombs, the children boasting about their enviable betrothals. Those who don’t yet have betrothals to boast about are hoping to procure one tonight. No one pays much attention to you—the daughter of an important house, the widow of an unimportant man—unless it is to compliment your gown. You and Helaena dance together with flushed faces, giggling and twirling until you trip and fall into each other’s waiting arms. Meanwhile, Aemond—who, contrary to you, is having a great deal of attention paid to him—dutifully navigates the hall to pay his respects to the Baratheons, the Lannisters, the Tyrells, the Arryns, the Starks, on and on down the ladder. He speaks to each of the families, nodding politely to the clamoring, bejeweled daughters, before moving on to the next. He does this as quickly as he can so he can get it over with. He has never been at ease with strangers. He has never found it simple to trust them. A part of him will always be that overlooked, scorned second son, reserved by nature, suspicious by necessity; it’s just that he sometimes forgets this when he’s with you. No matter where he goes in the room, he keeps you on his good side. He watches you, he covets you.
There is one guest, and only one, who notices you and asks for a dance. Cregan Stark is young and handsome next to the other lords, nearly your same age, and you had met years before as children. He has a natural, kind charisma. He asks you about your family back on Bear Island as he carries you around the floor like a strong wind, tells you about Winterfell, offers his condolences for the loss of your mother. He doesn’t even think to mention your late husband. It is a commiseration between two Northerners in a distant land; it is a comfort to you both. As soon as Cregan Stark drops your hand and departs to awe some other lady, Aemond appears.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he asks good-naturedly as he circles you, gliding his palm nonchalantly over your waist, your wrists, the small of your back. Your skin responds to him, goosebumps rising, lust kicking up like embers in a stirred fire.
“Diplomacy,” you reply primly.
“Hm. Perhaps we should send you to negotiate treaties.”
“I am very persuasive.”
“Yes, I know.” And he takes your hand to spin you around just once before leaving to pretend to consider marrying some other woman.
When Helaena is whisked away to dance with Otto Hightower, you pour yourself a cup of pomegranate juice and nurse it as you stand by the wall, alone. The noblewomen from the tea party toss you venomous sneers. You ignore them. You have everything they could ever want and more. Your hand settles briefly, forgetfully on your belly, and then you snatch it away.
Aegon, very intoxicated, wobbles over to you and props his back against the wall so he can keep his balance. “Hello,” he slurs.
“Hello.”
“I thought you might like to disparage the candidates with me,” he says, then gestures with his wine cup. “Look at that Floris Baratheon. Ears like a fucking donkey.”
You chuckle, hiding your face guiltily behind your own cup. “Shh. She’s not so bad.”
“You seem to be handling this remarkably well. Perhaps my brother has bored you, perhaps you have had your fill of him. Or perhaps you aren’t so heartbroken because he’s planning to keep you around as his mistress. I wouldn’t have guessed that to be his style, but upon second thought, you have thoroughly corrupted him. In that case, he should choose the donkey for sure. Someone stupid and docile. You can have rooms on opposite ends of the Red Keep and there will be no need for you to claw each other’s eyes out.”
“I’m not an animal, Prince Aegon.”
“You’re a Mormont. That’s hardly better.”
You smile. He smiles back.
Aegon leans into you, unsteady but not purposefully intrusive. “You’re worth more than all of them put together. I’m sorry that’s not what matters.”
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
“We are natural allies,” he says, and clinks his cup against yours in a toast. Fortunately, he is too drunk to notice that you’re avoiding wine this evening. That would certainly raise some suspicions. “I know your secret, and you know mine.”
“What…?” And then you understand. Your secret is your relationship with Aemond, that part is easy. Aegon’s secret is a bit more obscure. What perhaps no one else knows is that there is more to him than brash words and wicked deeds and flippant, lazy recklessness. That he loves his family. That—somewhere way down deep, unspoken but alive—he cares.
Aegon shoves himself away from the wall and gives you a parting bow, clumsy and lurching. “Enjoy your evening as best you can. I’m going to go piss on the floor.”
“Cheers,” you reply. He staggers away, leaving you alone again.
As the Great Hall whirls around you like a galaxy, you bask in the warm glow of this moment, this liminal space like a doorway. There will be grumbles, surely, but what you and Aemond have forged cannot be undone. No one can take away your marriage. No one can take away your child. You knew unconditional love once, long ago on Bear Island, safe in your mother’s arms; now you have it again. You belong somewhere again. You took one hell of a detour, but now you are home.
You don’t feel him enter the hall, because he’s not Aemond Targaryen. He doesn’t change the room at all. You only turn because you hear rising chatter, and then elated shouts, and then the thunder of men’s handshakes and pounds on the back. You wonder who is being congratulated, who is being cheered like a soldier returning from war. When you see him, your cup drops out of your hand. Pomegranate juice floods across the floor like blood. He sees you, rushes to you; and it's the strangest thing, because it all seems to be happening very slowly, but not slowly enough for you to flee. It’s like one of those dreams where you’re trying to run but you can’t. You can’t even speak. You can’t even scream.
He is battered and bruised and thinner—harsher—than you remember, but it’s him. His name rings through the hall in a hundred different voices.
“Axel Hightower, back from the dead!”
“He survived the shipwreck! Praise the gods!”
“And now he’s come to surprise his wife!”
You are powerless to stop his approach. You are chained in place by horror. All around you, the life you thought you’d have is crumbling into dust. It’s running out of your fingers like sand in an hourglass.
“Aww, look, the poor thing is in shock! She can’t believe it!” some idiot sighs romantically. There are applause and whistles. On the periphery of your vision, you see Aegon backing away as far as he can from the dance floor. His head whips around, searching for someone.
Axel grips your arm, pulls you into him, and kisses you. It feels like being invaded. It feels like that very first night with him when he—not cruelly, no, but with a dreadful, willing ignorance—forced his way inside you until it felt like you were being sawed in half. You flinch violently; every muscle, every nerve screams to be away from him. You try to push Axel off of you, but he doesn’t budge. Why would he? He owns you, like a castle or a horse. He can do whatever he likes to you. The notion of you having desires to the contrary would never even cross his mind. There are tears bleeding down your cheeks: for you, for your child, for the future whose throat has just been slit in this room. It feels like you’re dying. You wish you were.
There is the shrill whisper of a blade being torn from its scabbard. All the guests fall silent. Axel takes a step back from you, his fingers still clamped around your forearm. Aemond holds the point of his sword to Axel’s throat. Several crimson beads drip from where the steel has pierced the paper-thin surface layer of skin. Aemond’s voice is dark, like nightfall, like onyx. His eye is blazing blue, cold fire. “Remove your hands from her, or you will lose them.”
Axel is too mystified to be outraged. He releases you. You can breathe again. “She is my wife by law.”
“She carries my child!” Aemond’s words ricochet off the walls like shattered glass. The Great Hall boils over with gasps and scandalized jabbering. “And we married under the heart tree. She is mine.”
“You what?!” Aegon blurts out.
“You what?!” Otto Hightower roars.
“Sir Criston?” Aemond calls, summoning him.
Sir Criston Cole steps out of the rabble. “It’s true,” he says. He hides his reddening face from Queen Alicent. “I witnessed it. They are wed.”
“This is an outrage!” Axel bellows, then looks to the crowd for their verdict.
“Bigamy!” someone cries out. A chorus joins them, a sea of jilted noble families who can only benefit from Axel carting you back to Oldtown.
“Whore! Whore!”
“Poor Axel Hightower escapes from the jaws of death to find this?!”
“A mortal sin!”
“Go back to your true husband!”
“Take her to the dungeons!”
Aemond steps in front of you, twirling his sword once, twice, again. “And who would like to be the first to try?”
No one moves to detain you, but the crowd’s sentiment is unmistakable, rabid. The jeers continue to rain down on you: bigamist, sinner, whore. And you can’t even decry them as slander, because they’re true. Otto Hightower is clutching the back of a chair like he might fall over without it. Alicent’s eyes are pooling with stunned, furious tears. Helaena sinks to the floor, covering her ears with both hands. After taking a moment to consider it, Sir Criston moves to stand beside Aemond and draws his own sword.
Ideas flit through Aemond’s mind like arrows. He catches one of them. As Sir Criston watches the crowd, Aemond turns back to you and touches your face with his free hand. “Say you want a trial by combat.”
“Are you sure—?”
“I can beat any man here besides Sir Criston and he wouldn’t fight me, just say it.”
“I demand a trial by combat!” you announce for all the court to witness.
“No she doesn’t!” Otto shouts, trying to drown you out.
“She does,” Aemond insists, grinning madly. “And I will be her champion.”
“Then I shall name my own!” Axel says. Already the court is chattering that there is no great cowardice in this; he is still recovering from his ordeal, far from his physical peak, and Prince Aemond is one of the best swordsmen in King’s Landing. Axel scans the Great Hall for someone, anyone, who could challenge him. Sir Criston could probably best Aemond, but he would never agree to try. His allegiances to both Alicent and Aemond are too great. Who else could there be? Who else could there possibly be?
And then Axel’s gaze lands on him. When Aemond said he could beat any man here, he wasn’t wrong. The giant the court calls Killington hardly counts as a man at all. He’s not a man; he’s a monster. And he’s been thirsty for Aemond’s blood for years. He towers over anyone else in the room; he outweighs them by double. He steps forward, answering a question that has not yet been asked.
Axel’s face splits into a grin. His eyes glint like mirrors, like blades. “I choose Ivar Kellington.”
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Hi, Fukase anon here! Sorry, It never occurred to me that people may have a hard time coming up with things for characters they don't know a lot about. Sorry :( /gen
Anyways, I really love the clown and red theme ideas! Also, since Vocaloid is technically a music software, I was thinking some music-themed names as well! Also, as long as this isn't too specific, could you maybe do some X-themed things since there's a lot of Xs in his design?
I also like the idea of the darker, edgier themes, but I'd rather not have anything explicitly horror/slasher/demon related... as someone who kins Fukase, being associated with that stuff brings back some rough memories :( /nm
I'm sorry if I'm being too specific or picky or anything like that, and I hope everything I've said makes sense! Once again, thank you in advance :)
no worries!!
heres some names and pronouns based of red, clown, dark/edgy themes and the letter x!
Music names:
muse, musa, musica, musette
harmony
melody, mic, major, minor
clef, capelle, capella, cord, chorus
note
key
tone, tempo, timbre
bar, beat, bridge, bass, blue, blues
sheet, strum, song, singer, sang, string, sonata, soul
acoust, adagio, allegro, andante, arpeggio, amp, alto, aria
instro, instra, instrumenta
rythm/rhythm, ryme/rhyme, rock, rocker
orchest, orchestra
pitch, pop
funk
list here, here
red names:
Altemur, altan, autumn, apple, amaranth, alhambra, alroy
danla, desire, desiree
parichat, phoenix, pepper, poppy/poppie
cher, cherry/cherrie/cherri, crimson, clifford, copper, candy/candie, currant, carmine, carmin, chili, coral, corsen, clancy
maroon, merlot, mahogany, mohagan
blood, brick, berry/berrie, blush, burgundy, barn, burn, blaze
ruby, rust, rusty, rose, raspberry, redd, rede, redde, reder, redi/redie/redy, reddet/redet/reddett/reddette/redett/redette, redeta/reddeta/reddetta/reddeta, redin/redine, redina, redino, roso/rosso, rufus/rufous, rowan, rosa, rosie, roisin, rory, radley, rudyard, radcliff, redmond, redman, rumo, russel/russell, rohan, redford, rufina, reeding/reading, reed, rogan, roone, roth
garnet, ginger, gough
scarlet, sangria, strawberry, sienna, sorrel/sorrell
jam
wine, watermelon
fire, flame, ferrari, flan/flann, flannel, flanner, flannery, flyn/flynn, flanna
vermilion, venetia
imperia
tart, torch
hazel, harkin
clown names:
Joseph, john, joey
grock
oleg
emmett/emet/emmet/emett
bozo, barry
ronald
krusty
penny, pogo, pinto
charles
sunshine
weary, willie
albert, antonio, arthur
daniel, david, demitri/dimitri, Demetrius/demitrius
tinsel
actually found a whole wiki here
Dark/Edgy names:
dusk, dagger, draven, drake, draco, damon/daemon, damion/damien/damian
grey/gray, gunner/gunnar, greer
keir, khaos, knox, kestrel
umbra, umbro
poison, pain/payne
asteroth/astaroth, asher, ammo, astrid
chaos, crow, coen, chase, casper, caspian, cassian, carter, cage, colton
hades, hemlock, hex, hunter, hawk, harper
somber, sombre, sombra, serpent, snake, saber, stone, storm, slade/slayde, sparrow, salem, snow, smoke, slayer
necro, natrix, nox, nix, nyx, nero, nash
branwen, briar, blackwell, blade/blaid, blair, blase/blaze/blaise
raven, reven, requiem, rhapsody/rapsody, rogue, ryder, ryker, raze, razer
eris, elysium, ebony
jinx, jett/jet, jack, jason
lucien, lucius, lock/locke
viper, venom, vlad, vane/vain/vein, veil, vee/v
wolf/wolfe
trix/tryx, trixie, thorn, tyren/tyrin, tirent, torrent, tyranny, toxin, tank, tempest, tanner
zeke, zena
fox, flask, falkner, falkon/falcon
onyx/onix, obsidian
xena
X names:
xen/xene, xavier, xena, xeno, xenon, xeon, xero, xerox, xyx, xyr/xyre, xyra, xray, xeny/xenny/xenie, xenia, xander/xzander, xyla, xyler/xylar, xia, xavi, xylia, xylitol, xioa, xu, xan, xanth/xanthe, xanthus, xavia, Xinjiang, xinia, xenophon/xenophone, xayvion/xavion, xochitl, xio, xion, xiona, xiomara, ximena, xanthia
many here
red 3rd p pronouns:
list here and here
clown 3rd p pronouns:
list here and here
edgy/dark 3rd p pronouns:
list here, here
x 3rd p pronouns:
xe/xem, xy/xem, xy/xyr, xe/xyr, xy/lo, xylo/phone
xyi/lotl, x/x's, ex/ex's, ex/exes, xay/xem, xay/xyr, xie/xem, xie/xyr
xe/no, xeno/xenos, xeno/morph, cross/crossed, cross/crosses, x'ed/out, exed/out, ex/amble
hope these help!
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Downpour || Ren & Lady Nicandra [Self Para]
Synopsis: Even after victory Ren finds themselves under the scrutiny of their mother. And worse still is the awareness that she may be right.
CW: reference to insects, reference to injury
They weren't certain how to take it really, but the weather had been unpredictable that year and Ren's exhaustion wasn't made any better by the unpleasantness of cooling rain clinging to their skin. Their steps had left quickly drying prints along the expanse of the Court center, making each tired one known by the trail over the crystal and stone floors.
Their Mother's presence was more felt than heard, nearly any Unseelie could move silently without effort, but Ren knew more likely she would simply be there, preferring the shadows to the mundane burden of walking around properly.
Accenting the unevenness of their gait, betraying the limp that wouldn't resolve itself for a few days and with rest Ren wouldn't have the luxury of yet.
They might have compared her to a spider, except that wasn't correct; spiders were more subtle. Ren thought more of a scorpion, although equal parts wary and fondly, when it came to her.
The crown was heavy.
Too often a metaphor, in that moment a physical weight with how their muscles felt so unraveled, coppery woven spines tiny pinpricks sinking through their damp hair, grazing and scraping skin.
Their hair was stained again, splotchy reds among the ivory curls spread with the rainwater, glimmering thorns and crystals leaving their mark, if only temporary.
The scars never stayed on the surface, nor ever faded under it.
"It sufficed this year."
The voice was never exactly warm, but not often as bland, Ren knew, but Mother wasn't happy.
She knew too much to be.
They didn't need praise.
It was still raining.
Ren could see slivers of flashing illumination reflected throughout the crystal walls around them; the weather above was never a secret in the Court Hall, it seeped through the mountains and played itself out around them.
Lightening, Ren thought it ironic; the rain had gathered itself into a storm in the skies above the mountains.
Rare that it happened, especially so late in the year.
"You act as though I didn't still win," Ren countered, seeing from the corner of their eye how she pulled herself away from studying the reflection of the weather in the walls and turned her gaze to them instead.
Dirty water ran down Ren's forehead, stinging their eyes as it dripped there and remained, their gaze unblinking. Holding together on tired limbs and bandages, it had been too soon, they reasoned, the heavy sickness from the iron still buried in their veins in traces and making slow work of purging; too soon for new wounds to heal properly.
Ren needed rest, desperately, they didn't need this conversation right then.
"You considered it."
Those words were ones Ren had hoped might go unsaid, but Mother wasn't in a very forgiving mood and Ren was too tired for those games.
Sorrel hadn't told her, they were certain of that, of the loyalty of their brother, but he didn't have to.
It felt too obvious, of course she would have seen it.
"It doesn't change anything; I've managed this way before. It being a choice-"
"It being a choice is the problem," the Lady interrupted, stepping close enough then that Ren could see the intricate details of her dress of crystalline scales like autumn leaves or the skin of some fiery dragon.
She favored that one, they knew, because it made her feel even more monstrous to be adorned with scales, towering, pale as a memory and angles chiseled as sharp as flawless stonework.
There was the spider, they thought, in her narrow limbs and fingers like daggers, in every motion that sounded chittering as the plates rasped together, in the sweep of what some at first mistook for ornate accessory rather than what was quickly obvious as thin, branching bone made horns that wove through the silky strands of her hair, the webbing of copper across her bare shoulders and jaw, and more so in what remained unseen.
Ren knew she watched them, scrutinizing, between those strands, with the secondary eyes that saw far more than the first lined so heavily in deep, ebony strokes of kohl around them.
Misdirection was something Lady Nicandra prided herself on.
"If you intended to argue that, save your breath. Exile is one matter, residing as ruler even within it is a testament to your resolve." Her voice dipped into gravel. "Willful absence is a mockery of your obligations. Even if you wish to ignore my feelings on the situation you can't ignore the Court."
In such certain terms Ren couldn't find a way to argue, grinding their teeth in silence.
"You made a choice," she added, talons as thin as paper and long as a nightmare brushed the edges of the crown, the watery curls, and Ren knew better than to flinch. "You still know yourself."
It almost sounded like relief in her voice, but Ren was hesitant to call it that.
The flicker of illuminating cast along the walls again, turning soft light to sharper for an instant.
The thought burned, nearly as much as the oily water in their eyes.
I know myself better these days.
What Ren didn't know was if there was a way to still piece it all together.
"You could help me," they pointed out, feeling as though as pleas went it was hardly subtle. "I don't need another obstacle in my way and you're-"
"Looking out for your best interests," she interrupted.
"My Mother," Ren continued, firmly, wearily, hopefully. She knew the lines they drew would remain, but Ren had to try asking her not to make them draw it. "Can't you be just that this time?"
The water dripping had marred the floor around them faintly red, glossy upon the crystal and stone, soaking into Ren's already damp boots and the edges of her dress.
"I always am. Children think it doesn't harm to tell them truths that hurt." Her talons wove through their hair with the words and realized they had never felt the touch of her fingertips instead, but the talons had never grazed so much as a scratch, all their lives. "They hurt me as well, but life isn't kind."
"It can be," Ren argued, if only because they felt that more now than ever, and they'd always felt it at least a little. In Sorrel and Sonata, in warm mountain days and new life that stumbled along the grass and stones in the autumn, in lullabies both of their own and the ones that belonged to their siblings, and countless other ways.
It wasn't as though the mortal world had brought that idea to Ren, it had only expanded it and solidified the truth there.
"You loved father," Ren challenged; how could she do such a thing and tell them a similar choice was wrong?
"I love you," she replied, "and your brother, your sister; you most of all. I am your Mother; what am I to do with this? This divide you've thrown yourself into knowing no matter what choice you make you'll never be satisfied."
It was a lesser way of calling them a fool, but her words were troubled, illuminated again by the cast of lightning far above stone and crystal and the Court itself, bleeding down into it from the energy of it and golden-bright lashed along the walls, humming, glowing only an instant.
Ren wanted to argue she wasn't right.
They didn't know if they could.
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