#romanticizing being a student again to help me get through it lol

[starlit-mood]

#romanticizing being a student again to help me get through it lol #moodboard #aesthetic #aesthetic moodboard #black and white moodboard #black and white aesthetic #b&w #b&w aesthetic #b&w moodboard #dark academia #dark academia moodboard #dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academism #academia #academia aesthetic #dark moodboard #dark aesthetic

[thejustmaiden]

So out of nowhere I was tagged and quoted by a SR shipper for a blog of mine posted in August of last year. Talk about throwback but, hey, gotta appreciate that level of snooping. 😉

Back in the day I actually used to encourage discourse amongst Inuyasha fans- both shippers and antis alike- but I've since realized that it's a lost cause. But for you, @feministmetalgreymon , I'll grant this exception. Just 'cause it's been a while so why the hell not. haha

I want to assure you, however, that nothing you say will ever convince me that Sesshomaru and Rin are meant to be together romantically or that the story intended it so. Nor will you find any validation here. You can ship them for all I care, but please for all that is good and holy while I have your attention try- I mean really try- to understand why it is so many of us Inuyasha fans are so against this pairing in the first place (newsflash: it's not about ship wars), and why we believe a romance between the two of them is completely and utterly out of character.

For those of you interested in reading this, the blog of mine in question that the above shipper mentions in their counter-argument is here for reference. It's titled "Jaken = Rin's Dad?" I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'm also making no such promises. After all, I'm not exactly known for my brevity. haha Now let's get crackin'!

Like you, feministmetalgreymon, did for your recent blog here where you took screenshots of mine to address certain parts, I will be doing the same and dissecting yours accordingly.

[Snippet 1]

I worked with kids for many years as a teacher, and many people in my family have too or still do. Two of them happen to be just over 5 feet which is quite short for the average adult woman living here. I've also worked alongside many a women of short stature, and never did I hear any of them complaining of issues with their students having difficulty differentiating them from their own peers just because they were short as well. I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous. Kids are quite smart and pick up on a lot more than you seem to give them credit for. Height is not the only characteristic they look at to determine who's an adult and who's not, and it's foolish to suggest otherwise. So unless you're a babysitter who's still in their teens and/or who has very childlike features or behavior then I'm afraid what you're getting at is total hogwash. This is just another example of how you shippers offer nothing of real substance to your reasoning, it's only ever cherry-picking or strawmanning from you guys. Stop deflecting from the real issues please, because this certainly isn't one and only winds up being a complete waste of time for all parties involved.

[Snippet 2]

Okay, calm down now. I wasn't insinuating that relationships between parents and children can't change over time in terms of how they get along. Of course that's possible, as all families experience their fair share of estrangement and abuse. What I was speaking about was in reference to the overall dynamic between the two. Because a bad mother or father can still be viewed as a parental figure to their child even if say they're not in said child's life anymore. Since Sesshomaru and Rin share a healthy bond- and just a friendly reminder that in my blog I even said that he doesn't have to necessarily be labeled her father but that a romantic relationship later would still be inappropriate- I didn't deem it necessary to address what you brought up. Plus, it kinda, umm, misses the point?? Please, let's stay on topic. And it's not captured in the screenshot, but stop acting like there isn't a small part of them that idolizes their parents at some point during childhood. Just like you mention later on how it's normal for kids to have innocent crushes on adults that they eventually grow out of? Well, guess what, the same concept applies here. Kids eventually learn that their parents are far from perfect and make mistakes too. Rin is so damn young in the OG series though that we never even get to see her reach that maturity level.

[Snippet 3]

LOL! Alright, okay, so the "unbreakable bond" bit you're mentioning was actually me quoting you sessrinners. Did you not catch that? I literally spelled it out. *sigh* The whole point I was making is that shippers like yourself make hypocritical and contradictory statements all.the.goddamn.time. One moment you guys claim that Sesshomaru and Rin were essentially strangers and meant very little to each other, only to say in the same breath a few seconds later that they were destined to be together and their bond is like no other. I agree, their bond is special, but why must that mean they're going to fall in love?

That is the root of the matter here. Too many animes/mangas have romanticized this older adult man & young girl growing up falling in love trope that it's become way too normalized and widely accepted across the world- and yes, in some cultures more than others. Sadly, you lack the awareness to recognize how this all works. You know how we know that? When we see that you shippers are so desensitized to sexualized images of girls in the media that you share posts like this one below which *subtly* imply a future romance although one half of that pairing is still just a child in the pic and then try and pass it off as cute. That's like super fucking problematic and it scares me that you can't see that (or deny you do). 🤢

After all that's said and done, Sesshomaru leaving Rin in the village with Kaede is to me the strongest indicator more than pretty much anything else he's done for Rin that proves he is her adoptive father. It's so funny to me how you somehow see the exact opposite though. 🤔 What I think is happening is that you got yourself on some squeaky clean ass shipper goggles fresh out of your little echo chamber. Because I hate to tell you, but what you're fantasizing is what you want to see and not what's actually there on screen or was written into the story. I'm strictly talking about Inuyasha and the manga of course. [For the TL; DR version skip to the last paragraph.]

Parents looking after their kids is what parents are supposed to do. A good parent will do anything to keep their child safe and ensure they are cared for, so what he did for her by leaving her there was in her best interests clearly. Besides, as a babysitter, you more than most people should understand that parents aren't always able to be there for their kids so sometimes others gotta step in to help. Haven't you heard of the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child?" Which in Rin's case is literally true! 😂 Sometimes kids are even sent off to stay with grandparents and that's who raises them instead. Or maybe they have to temporarily live with an aunt or uncle because their single parent's job requires they work out of town 4-5 days of the week so they're hardly home. But that doesn't mean that the parents care or love their kids any less, and it's foolish to assume that Sesshomaru must have thought very little of Rin simply due to the fact that he made the decision to leave her in the village. Come on, y'all are acting like he abandoned her there!!

It's just given the circumstances Sesshomaru finally came to learn that Rin traveling with him was no longer safe. I also like to think it's because he wished for her to live a more normal life and to learn how to fully trust humans again. Plus, continuing to travel with him as young as she was would have proven dangerous and unwise. Now for you to know all this and still manage to turn his past actions towards her while she was just a child into a romantic gesture is what boggles my mind. Regardless of how you look at it, from my perspective or your own, Sesshomaru is in the wrong. Either he's a father figure who impregnates his daughter at the young age of approximately 14. OR he's this man she used to travel with who maybe isn't a father to her but who nonetheless basically rapes her since kids her age can't consent to sex with an adult. Idk about you but it sounds to me like nobody here wins with either scenario we're given. In other words, you should be just as mad as we are. If only one side didn't choose to forsake their morals they know we both have in common for the sake of a ship. Welp. 🤷‍♀️

I agree, incest is disgusting but that's not the only problem we have with this pairing. A romantic bond forming between Sesshomaru and Rin would also constitute as grooming.

You realize that over the years he visited her in the village that he brought her gifts too and essentially watched her grow up right before his very eyes, right? I mean, I know you do, but I really shouldn't have to explain further why pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with each other is plain and simple wrong. And before you say it's not because he didn't have any malintent, please understand that considering their history and power dynamic up to then that yes this is still considered grooming even if Rin supposedly "wanted it" or "made the first move." Whether you consider him her father or not, as the adult who took on a role resembling that of a caretaker in her early life- a critical developmental time for a child- Sesshomaru is obligated to turn down any advances by Rin and most definitely should not initiate any himself. As the first close adult figure she's had in her life since her parents died, it's unfathomable to imagine how Sesshomaru could go through with taking advantage of this young girl who was under his care and supervision since they met. To think he could be capable of betraying that trust sickens me to the core.

This. Now THIS is how a parent/guardian or a similar adult caretaker (babysitter, teacher, etc.) talks to a child. And, in turn, this is how some young children talk to adults. You'd be insane and delusional to deny it! We see it in our everyday lives, do we not? From where else do you think our stories draw most of their inspiration? Yes, obviously these fictional universes have aspects of fantasy that don't exist in the real world, but so how then do you suppose we're able to relate to them? The reason for that being is because these stories are written by people for people, so naturally there are going to be real life aspects embedded throughout. Sure, a little escapism doesn't hurt as we don't need to take everything so seriously, but ultimately we all need to recognize that the messages in the stories we tell matter. Most stories possess a combination of both light and dark themes, but when it specifically comes to the latter we gotta be careful with how we tackle this in children's media since kids are far more impressionable.

So if at the center of a story we have two of the main protagonists whose mom is basically their same age and to top it off she knew their dad when she was just a girl and who just so happened to help raise her, wouldn't you say that's beyond fucked up or at the very least so fucking weird? Like why would we think it's even remotely okay for our children to watch this garbage?? Really think about it. Try and be objective for once and think about how it would sound explaining this storyline to an outsider who's never watched IY or HNY. Well, antis have tried this before many times and we always get the same reaction: Ewww!

Like I said earlier, if you wanna ship it then fine, but 1) please stop seeking our approval or trying to change our minds - your ship wish came true didn't it, so why do you need us to validate it? 2) even though it's not canon, respect that we don't support this sequel portraying pedophilia in a positive light. It's harmful af to not only allow but glorify the continuation of sexualized images of young girls everywhere. And I shouldn't have to say this, but just because this trope is popular as you say does not make it right. Lolicon themes in the media have been an issue forever and it needs to stop. Yes, even some people in Japan or "the East" would agree. Shocker!

We're pissed off and rightfully so because Yashahime's TV rating is 14, not to mention it airs at the prime time kids in Japan watch TV after getting home from school. That's Towa and Setsuna's age, true, but if Rin being the mom when she's like only a year older than them (please don't argue w/ me about the math- antis have so far been right every time with it) is straight-up disgusting and not something we should be supporting or endorsing. Rin's a whole ass child!! Please don't start with the "but times were different then so her having kids at 15 is acceptable" argument either, because we've already debunked that and every other single excuse you guys throw at us. Besides, how or why would you expect young viewers to know these historical "facts" anyway, especially if as you suggest fiction doesn't affect reality so what does it matter? Yet here we are, arguing over a fictional show in real life almost a year and a half into the "Sesshomaru fucks?" sequel being announced. My ass, your ass, hell all our asses fiction doesn't affect reality!

Look, I do apologize if the tone of this blog came off as snippy or condescending at times. I do not wish you any ill will, it's just I'm not really sure what you expected to get out of all this besides maybe getting on my nerves perhaps. haha A lot of you shippers have been desperately scrambling to interact with us, lurking in our tags, jumping onto our posts screaming canon and getting so defensive even though you sought us out first. We've been sticking to our tags, so how about you stay in your lane too. By the way since we're on the topic, have you seen Twitter or Reddit?! SR shippers there are the actual worst and many Inuyasha fans (not just antis) have complained of not feeling welcomed to engage in fandom spaces anymore. Shippers swarm them and scare them off simply because fans don't like your ship and refuse to accept it. It's pathetic, really. No one should ever be bullied or harassed just because they don't like something you might. We're all fans of Inuyasha, aren't we? So let's act like it. Yashahime on the other hand, you guys are welcome to that pungent heap of trash. Fans have a right to criticize it too, but if you like it then good for you, so keep on liking it and don't mind us.

I'm almost done, but real quick back to Jaken! Let's not forget about how the official Yashahime website- which came out after my blog, mind you- described Jaken. This translation isn't the best one available but it's the only version a fellow anti friend could track down. They do recall a better one done by a native Japanese speaker who was also an anti, and that member confirmed that Jaken is indeed called Rin's babysitter. So you see, I was right in my interpretation. In the original post I did compare Jaken to a brother, but after talking to others (some comments can be found under said post) I did acknowledge that he's more of a reluctant babysitter who's not related. And if he's not at least a brother to Rin, then he's definitely not her father.

At the end of the day, the creator Rumiko Takahashi has the final word. Which is guess what? Hogosha. 💖 Probably should've just started out with that and saved us all the trouble, huh? Good day/night to you.

Papamaru bids you adieu now. 🤞

#anti yashahime #anti sessrin #sesshomaru is rin's dad #papamaru #hogosha 💖 #the sequel may not be canon but sunrise can still burn in hell

[baya-ni]

The Queer Appeal of Sk8

Recently @mulberrymelancholy reblogged a post of mine with a truly galaxy brain take about how Sk8 “is a show made for queer fans” and generally how sports anime often depicts love and relationships in a way that’s more accessible and relatable to ace/arospec people than other mainstream media does.

Just, *chef’s kiss* fucking brilliant. I urge you to read their post here (note I’m referring to the reblog not the actual post).

And basically, it got me thinking about this concept of Sk8 as a Queer Show, and the kinds of stories and dynamics that tend to attract queer audiences in droves, regardless of whether its queerness is made explicit or hell, whether that queerness was intended.

And that’s what I’ve been pondering: What are the cues, markers, or coding, in Sk8 that set off the community’s collective gaydar?

I obviously can’t speak for the community. So here’s what aspects of the show intrigued me and what, for me, marks Sk8 as a Queer Show beyond the subtextual queer romances: a punk/alternative aesthetic, Found Family, Shadow as a drag persona, and The Hands.

1.) The Punk Aesthetic

All three of the above screenshots are taken from Ep 1, and every single one of them depicts background characters. They’re nameless and ultimately unimportant characters, yet each of them designed so distinctly and so unique from one another, one could mistake each of them for the main character(s) of another story.

Of what little I know about Punk subculture, I do know this: that the ethos of Punk is heavily built around a celebration of individuality and non-conformity. Sk8 seems to have incorporated this ethos into the very fabric its worldbuilding, and the aesthetics and culture upon which it takes inspiration appeals specifically to a queer audience.

I don’t really need to explain why Punk has such deep ties with the queer community. For decades, queer people have found community and acceptance within punk spaces, and punk ideology is something that I think is just ingrained in the queer consciousness as both lived experience and a survival tactic.

Therefore, a show that adopts punk aesthetics is, by association, already paying homage to Queer culture, intentional or not.

Queer fans notice this- like recognizes like.

2.) Found Family

This also needs little explanation.

Too often, queer individuals cannot rely on their “born into” families for support and acceptance. Too often, we are abused, neglected, and abandoned by those who we were taught would “always be there for us.”

And so, a universal experience for queer people has been redefining the meaning of Family, having to build our families from scratch, finding brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers in people with whom we have no blood relation, and forming communities tied together by shared lived experience rather than shared genetics.

And this idea of Found Family is also built into Sk8′s narrative.

Like, for example, the way that Reki promises MIYA that he and Langa will “never disappear from [his] sight,” filling the void that MIYA felt after his friends abandoned him.

And in the way that JOE becomes a paternal figure for Reki, teaching him ways to improve in skateboarding, and ensuring that Reki doesn’t self isolate when he’s feeling insecure.

And in the whole Ep 6 business with Hiromi acting as babysitter to the Gang.

Hell, even ADAM (derogatory) is associated with this trope. Abused as a child, he finds solace in an underground skateboarding community and culture he helped create- his own found family (or some powertrippy version of it anyway).

Again, queer fans see themselves depicted in the show, but this time in the way that the show gives importance to Found Family relationships between its characters.

3.) Shadow and Drag

This is one that’s more of an association that I personally made. But I was intrigued by the way that Hiromi adopts his SHADOW persona. He wears SHADOW like a mask, and adopts a personality seemingly so opposite to his day-to-day behavior.

Further, the theatricality and general “gender fuckery” of his SHADOW persona, to me, just seemed so similar to a the characteristics of a drag persona (I don’t know a whole lot about drag but enough that I’m drawing superficial similarities).

There’s also this aspect of a “double life” that he, and actually all the other adult characters of the show, have to adopt, which is a way of living that I’m sure a lot of queer viewers see themselves reflected in.

4.) The Hands

Ohhhh the Hands.

One of the things I noticed very early on is the way the show constantly draws our attention to Reki’s hands, which I thought was a little strange for an anime about skating. After all, skating doesn’t really involve the hands, or at least the show doesn’t really draw attention to hands within the context of skating.

I count 3 times so far between Eps 1-9 in which hands are the focus of the frame.

First, when Reki teaches Langa how to fist pump after Langa lands his first ollie, second, when Reki and Langa make their Promise, and finally, when Langa saves Reki from falling off his board.

And you know what they say, twice is a coincidence but thrice is a motif (no one else actually says this I think I’m the only one who says this lol).

I’m not really certain why hands seem to be such a shared fixation among queer people (at least among those I interact with). All I know is that gay people are just fucking obsessed with them.

I have a Theory as to why, and at this point I’d love for other people to chime in and “compare notes” if you will, but I think it basically has to do with repression. And in the same way that queer people have had to redefine the meaning of family, we’ve also had to redefine intimacy.

Being overtly physically affectionate with someone of the same sex, even if they’re your significant other, or often specifically BECAUSE they’re your significant other, can still be dangerous, even now despite the “progression” of society. Queer people know this, this vigilant surveillance of our environment and ourselves, always asking ourselves, “Am I safe enough to be myself?”

Already, Western culture is pretty touch-averse. That is, it’s considered taboo to touch someone unless they’re a family member or a romantic partner. And to touch a person of the same sex in any way that could be misconstrued as romantic (which is most things tbh) is a big no no.

There’s just A Lot to unpack there.

But basically I think that queer people, by necessity, have had to learn to romanticize mundane or unconventional ways of being physically intimate so that we can continue to be romantic with one another without “being caught” so to speak.

Kissing and hugging is too obvious. But a handshake that lingers for just a second too long is much more likely to go unnoticed, braiding someone’s hair can easily be explained away as just lending a helping hand, touching palms to “compare hand sizes” is just good fun.

But for queer people, these brief and seemingly insignificant touches hold greater meaning, because it’s all we are allowed, and all we allow ourselves, to exchange with others.

God, I’ve gone off and rambled again. What’s my point? Basically that the way the show draws attention to Reki’s hands, and specifically how they’re so often framed with Langa’s hands, is one of the major reasons why I clocked Sk8 as a Queer. It’s just something that resonated with me and my own experience of queerness, and I know that I’m not the only one who noticed either.

~

So in conclusion, uhhhh yeah Sk8 the Infinity is just a super gay show, and it’s not even because of the homo-romantic subtext (that at this point is really just Text).

Because what’s important to understand is that Queerness isn’t just about same-sex romance.

Queer Love isn’t just shared between wives/girlfriends, husbands/boyfriends, and all their in-betweens. Queer Love can be two best friends who come out together, queer siblings who rely and support one another, a gay teacher who helps guide one of their questioning students, a queer community pitching in to help a struggling member.

And that all ties with another important thing to consider, that what we refer to as the “queer experience” or “queer culture” isn’t universal. In fact, it wrongly lumps together the unique experiences and struggles of queer BIPOC all under one umbrella that’s primary White and middle class.

So I think what drives a lot of my frustration about labeling a show like Sk8 as Queerbait is this very issue of considering queerness and queer representation within such narrow standards, and mandating that a show must pass a certain threshold of explicit queerness to be considered good representation.

I get that someone might only feel represented by an indisputable canonization of a same-sex couple. That’s fine. But labeling Sk8 as Queerbait for that reason alone ignores the vast array of other queer experiences.

The aspects of Sk8 that resonate most deeply with my own experiences of queerness is in the way that Reki and Langa share intimacy through skating (intricate rituals heyo). For me, them officially getting together ultimately doesn’t matter- I’ll consider Sk8 a Queer show regardless.

Similarly, @mulberrymelancholy​ finds ace/arospec representation in that very absence of an on-screen kiss. A bisexual man might find representation in Reki, not because he enters a canon relationship, but in the depiction of Reki’s coming of age, growing up and navigating adolescent relationships. A non-binary person might feel represented through CHERRY’s androgyny.

That’s the thing, I don’t know how this show will resonate with other members of the queer community, and it’d be wrong to make a judgement on Sk8′s queer representation based on my experiences alone.

That being said, Straight people definitely don’t get to judge Sk8 as Queerbait. Y’all can watch and enjoy the show, we WANT you to enjoy these kinds of shows, and we want you to share these shows and contribute to the normalization and celebration of these kinds of narratives.

But understand that you don’t have a right to tell us whether or not Sk8 has good or bad queer representation.

And even members of the queer community are on thin ice. Your experience of queerness is not universal. Listen to the other members of your community, and respect that what you might find lacking in this show may be the exact representation that someone else needs.

#and scene #i was up till 4am writing this instead of doing my hw #bc i hav Opinions dammit #sk8 #sk8 the infinity #sk8 meta #sk8 theory #queerbait

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

what led you to the decision to pursue a bfa in creative writing?

- from a lost 11th grade highschooler lol

Hi! You know what, I can’t really pin down what made me want to pursue my degree in creative writing. I know it was a decision that I made at a very young age (when I was in grade 10) and one that I’d solidified when I attended my now-school’s open house in grade 11 (I started searching early)! I remember I always thought I’d study English at UofT because English was closest to my interest in writing and I’m from Toronto lol. But when I entered high school which starts at grade 9 where I’m from, I took my first English course (of course had done English in elementary school but not as a full blown course) and I realized very quickly it was my least favourite subject. No hate to the English lovers who may follow me! I wish I could be like you! I was surprised at this but no matter how many English classes I’ve taken, I just don’t like the subject (the heavy focus on reading is extremely difficult for me as a disabled person, though I didn’t realize it was likely my disability affecting my experience in those classes at the time).

I really got into authortube in grade 9 (I’d been watching since grade 8 but only like 2 people since only 2 people were making authortube vids lol) and remember seeing someone post about their creative writing major and that’s when the idea sparked, I think.

A word of advice: I genuinely think creative writing programs are sometimes romanticized in how much they’ll give you. It’s not that I wouldn’t make this decision again because truly I don’t know what else I would’ve wanted to study and writing is a skill I’ve been practicing for years that feeds my other interests like videography, but writing programs rely on the students in them. Really, you’re relying on other often young people to help you become a better writer in workshops. I would really consider a few things before choosing to study creative writing: what is your current financial situation and how would you fund your degree? I am extremely fortunate to come from a family where my parents had saved for my education, but since I’m schooling so far from home, I knew I needed to find another avenue to financially support my degree that will likely not bring financial return (as most writers won’t make tons of money if any). I strategically worked extremely hard in high school to acquire essentially what is the top level (or one of) scholarship at my institution, which required a 96% average. I sacrificed a lot of mental wellness in grade 12 to achieve this average (which was 99% when I graduated). That scholarship covers 100% of my tuition, but to renew it every year, I must maintain an A- average in my classes. It’s looking like I’ll be able to renew it a final time for next year, which is an accomplishment of difficult labour.

So while my experience as a creative writing major has had its sure positives, particularly my first year being quite revolutionary for me, it was a decision I made knowing a lot of hard work would need to be made to sustain and fund my decision. If you have parents who you can rely on to financially support you and a way to pay for your degree (as I do with my scholarship and I also won a bursary at my graduation and an additional scholarship from a third party that helped pay for my first year residence) perhaps through grants, etc, and you’re very passionate about writing and aware that this path will likely not be financially rewarding (as in you probably won’t be able to be a full-time writer right after you graduate, not that you can’t be employed with this degree as it is attractive for other jobs such as in publishing!), then I’d say go ahead and take a look at some programs! In general, it doesn’t hurt to go to open houses. Not sure where you’re located and am aware most open houses have already happened, but one of they very best things I did was get started on uni search EARLY. In grade 11 especially I did all my research, went to all the open houses for multiple schools, talked to faculty and students there, etc. It makes grade 12 so much less stressful to get some of that guesswork done (I didn’t have to do program searches at all that year and instead focused on my studies), so even if you can’t make it to the open houses, look into the schools and programs, the requirements, etc, if you need a portfolio and so on! Even just a little research before grade 12 helps a bunch!

I hope this isn’t demotivating but I feel a duty to be honest to high school students asking because of how rose-tinted my ideology of my degree was—it was a decision that’s surely changed my life for the better in many ways, but that truly needs to be considered (especially if you’re planning on doing school during the pandemic), so I wouldn’t want someone to go because of something I say without also discussing other elements of post-secondary education in general! Talk to your academic advisor or guidance counsellor! And certainly discuss with your parents or other adults in your life. Hope this helps!

#asks

[everydayanth]

Academic Elitism: an institutional issue

Sorry for being so rant-y lately, but the elitism of university has been a problem for me from the exact moment I accepted my scholarship with a signature and a handshake in high school. (The scholarship was later revoked due to state up-fuckery, but that’s another story, and I was already in too deep by the time they told me).

My parent’s house was only an hour north, my younger sister had already claimed my room, but I was excited. I was in the furthest dorm building, because that’s where the scholarship kids went, it was like a poor kid diversity hall, every few doors was someone from a completely different background, but we were all poor except our Swedish RA, and there was an odd pride in that. We all had various scholarships: robotics, dance team, nerds like me, etc. (not the football or hockey athletes though, they had their own dorm next to the library for... reasons, lol).

But being the last hall, it wasn’t actually full, most of us had entire rooms to ourselves, often whole suites; our hall was co-ed, but rooms were only occupied at every-other, staggered down the corridor. Only the front two halls were used, the back two closed off for construction or codes or something. We had to hike up the hill for dining halls, which was fine until snowdays that shut the whole campus down (and I mean west Michigan ones, with 4+ feet of powder and ice underneath). I had an old computer my dad got me for graduation and I didn’t know it was old until my peers started calling it a dinosaur. I had to use the library computers to write and print papers, and most places I went, I ran into the other scholarship kids. We didn’t talk much, just a head bob here and there, awareness at our similarities and an annoyed spite at being thrown together this way. It was lonely for everyone.

I had a purple flip phone I’d gotten only that calendar year (2009) and was still learning to text with (abbreviations? instant messaging? what?). My roommate had come down from Alaska to live near her dad, we’d talked in the summer, but I never saw her. I moved my things in and her stuff was on her side, I texted her about going to turn in paperwork and when I came back, there was a note on my bed and all her things were gone, she couldn’t do it, had never been away from home for even a night. She left a few mismatched socks and a bag of junk pens that I resented for years. 

Social media was mostly a way to talk to people across campus and exchange homework and party times/locations. We posted over-edited photos of our food and still jogged with our mp3 players and ipods. But within two years, I had to trade in my computer three times and upgrade to a smartphone to keep up with the expectations of communication. Professors would cancel classes by emails an hour out, and if I was on campus, I simply didn’t get the message, running between classes with 19 credit hours and three jobs. Work would call in or cancel my appointments (tutoring) and I needed to be able to communicate at the rate of my peers, so though it wasn’t something we could easily afford, my parents let me get the smartphone and my dad helped me find computers that could keep up with writing papers and researching without having to go to the lab, which saved so much time. 

There was little understanding for my suffering. I didn’t have a car, I had to call my parents and organize a time to get home or take the train which was more expensive than waiting around on an empty campus. They were often things that even the wealthiest students had to deal with, but there were so much more of them for us, more stress, more problems, more solutions, more consequences, and in some ways, more determination.

I spent plenty of breaks holed up in my room, but when the swine flu/H1N1 outbreak happened, guess where they quarantined students?

In our hall. 

Not the back one that was closed. In the room attached to my suite. 

After half a semester alone, suddenly strangers shared my bathroom. I never saw them, I would just hear the formidable click of the bathroom lock followed by the shower. A week later I got a blue half-sheet note in my mailbox about quarantines. The other kids were as pissed off, as we watched kids escorted in with blue masks and were told to just get cleaning wipes from the front desk –they ran out in a week. 

We were the recyclable students, brought in to trade scholarships for university grade averages. Many of my friends were struggling with scholarship qualifications and gpas (which only encouraged my continual obsessive perfectionism and involvement). 

We were expendable. 

I didn’t understand the elitism then, or I did, but I’d twisted it in my head from years tossed between private and public schools. I was an invader, I wasn’t supposed to be there, but I wanted to be. I understood that I didn’t deserve it, that I had to work harder to stay. I completed Master’s coursework for my Bachelor’s degree, finishing two BA programs (anthropology and English: creative writing) and 2 minor programs in philosophy and world lit, lead several campus groups and volunteered with honor’s societies. I spent hours on campus every day, running home just to go to one job or the other. I slept about four hours a night and I still romanticize it because I loved it. And I was good at it. It was a closed system, easy to infiltrate, easy to watch and observe and follow, to feel protected from the world, but there were always ways that I came up short. 

I didn’t have leggings or Northface fleeces or Ugg boots or name brand anything (except a pair of converse I got in 8th grade from my Babcia). I had old high school sweats and soccer shirts, hand-me-down clothes from sisters and cousins that mix-matched a style I thought was unique but I now understand screamed I don’t really belong here. Example: I went to propose an independent study to a professor I really admired and I panicked about what to wear. I still cringe at the memory, gahhhhhh, but I pulled on what I thought was a decent dress because it had no rips or stains or tears and though I’d picked it up from a clearance rack, it was the newest thing and therefore the best. But in retrospect, it was definitely a “party” dress, I grabbed a sweater, hoop earrings that had always been beautiful in my neighborhood, and heels I never wore otherwise, and presented my idea. This old professor was just like “um...did you dress up for me?” Clearly spooked by red flags and I realized my mistake. Saved by quick thinking I clarified “no, I have a presentation later,” and being a familiar face in the social sciences department, I let him assume I was dressed up as something. I just went in my sweats and t-shirts after that, got a haircut that tamed the wavy frizz and learned the importance of muted tones, cardigans, and flats.

I made a lot of interesting friends in the process, people who also stuck out from the American Academic culture: exchange students, older (non-traditional) students, rebels, and other poor kids. But that also meant that we all evolved during our time there, so friendship was quick and fleeting as we adapted or dropped out or remained oblivious, lost in our studies and dreams of changing the world or our lives. 

I had no idea how to approach the dining halls because I could only afford the bronze plan that was included with my room+board scholarship. I could enter the hall ten times per week, with four included passes to the after-hours carry-out (this was an upgrade from the free high school lunch I was coming from). I met other kids on this plan and their dorm rooms had fridges and microwaves and shelves of ramen and mac’n’cheese. Mine was sparse, my fridge had jugs of water from the filtered tap in the common room, and though it had a shared kitchenette, it always smelled bad or was being used and the nearest grocery store was Meijers which was a 15-20 minute drive from campus. I used so much energy dividing up my meals and figuring out how to sneak food from the hall for later or just learn to not eat, which is another story involving malnutrition, broken bones, and the American Healthcare System.

We like to summarize the college experience with fond struggles. I went back to my old high school to watch my younger sisters’ marching band competition that first year (it’s MI, and they were good). My old art teacher (not much older than we were but she felt so much older at the time, also her maiden name was Erickson and so was her fiance’s so she didn’t “change” her name and that blows my mind to this day), anyway, she stopped me to ask how school was going, and I was not prepared to be recognized in anyway and stammered out something like “oh, yeah, stressful. Fun, cool, yeah,” like the eloquent well-educated student I was. And she said, “oh, I loved it, don’t you love it? Everything’s so charming, and being poor? Oh man, it’s hard for a while, but it’s so good to go through.” 

I was dumbfounded at her reference to poverty as a thing to go through when you’re a student. I again had to remember that I was infiltrating places where people weren’t just marginally more well-off than I was, but far beyond, in a place where they couldn’t comprehend an alternative, couldn’t conceive of surviving poverty, of not having a reliable place to fall if you mess up, parents who couldn’t support you if things went wrong, who couldn’t save you from having to drop out if scholarships were canceled because the money just wasn’t there.

Talking with my parents never worked, and I recently found this video by The Financial Diet about Boomer shame in being poor, where many Millennials were united by it and it was #relatable. But all this is to say that there are so many layers and ways we develop in higher education that are often overlooked by the romantic nostalgia of the elite expectation. What we demand from education vs. what it offers us in return is rarely equal for students coming from poverty, and it starts with that first sacrifice of looking at money and deciding it has to be worth it to do something bigger, and that education is a necessary piece of that goal.

Now I live near Brown University, I’ve been to Harvard when we lived in Boston and recently took a trip to Yale with bold expectations. I am friends with several people who work at these places and I hear the same things: so many students are in a place where their obsessions are considered more important than the larger world, an argument that Shakespeare is a woman is more important to prove than the greater issues of sexism in society as a whole, while others are trained to look at data and the world as a pocketable fact-book, going to conferences and  week-long summits and then off to D.C. to make important decisions about places they’ve never been to, for people they’ve never met, about problems they’ve never experienced.  

It’s not new. It’s not romantic. It’s not nostalgic. It’s just sick. 

I was horrified at New Haven. I have read so many social science reports and papers and experiments and academic bullshit that has come from professors at Yale with a big badge of ivy-league validation. So much of this research was focused on homelessness and culture clash and socio-economics in America, as that was my “dissertation” that got me discounted master’s classes for my BA in Anthropology. Anyway, my point was that I thought this noble, proud university that put out so much research was going to be situated in something of a utopia, where their research is put into practice. Obviously, I was wrong, but I didn’t expect how wrong. (I had also started reading Leigh Bardugo’s Ninth House, so... there’s another thing).

My observations were validated by employees of ivy-league schools, who have watched over the past 2 decades as they grow more and more reclusive, hiding away from the public except through a few, probably well-intentioned, outstretched hands that do little to contribute to the world outside the university itself. These ivory towers are built by poaching: environments, observations, resources, research, and yeah, even students.

I love academia. I will sit in a library for hours just pulling down tomes (and putting them back in their proper locations like a dork) and drawing connections just for fun. But right now, I’m a bit bitter and spiteful and angry. 

When something like Coronavirus sneaks up on us, we have a tendency to throw the most expendable people under the bus as quickly as we can, and all I can think about is my shadow of a suite-mate sneezing and coughing with swine flu for two weeks, at how I refused to use my own bathroom and listened to my hall-mates’ advice about showering at the rec center a mile away as we all collectively locked our bathroom doors and were left there by the university to get sick without insurance to help with any foreseeable costs.

It’s not the same now, they’ve rebuilt the entire section of the campus, it’s odd to see it, I wonder where they put the expendable kids. Or maybe they don’t accept them anymore. I’ve worked in college admissions since then, and it is a scary industry of politics and preference and hidden quotas and image-agendas. Not all schools are industry monsters, but when you’re expendable, they sure do feel like it, whether you graduate summa cum laude with two degrees, six awards, and five tasseled ropes around your neck or not. 

I wish I had a positive message. I wish I was in a place to help people who feel expendable or like they can’t keep up with communications because of technology or language or network or environment. But I don’t have much right now. For all its posturing and linear progression, academia needs to create profit. All I can do is yell about this existing.

If you are feeling expandable in university, I can tell you you’re not alone. I can let you rant about all the small ways your peers don’t get it, whether its an accent they shit on or ceremonies you don’t have the right clothes for or textbooks you share with a friend to cut costs but then they hoard them. I can relate to you about guilt and that sneaking panic that fills you with anxiety at night as you question yourself and wonder if it’s worth it at all, if it’s necessary, if it’s okay to be expendable to follow something that feels bigger. I can validate your doubt and tell you that you’re not actually expendable, you’re a bridge. 

I’m sorry it still works like this. I wish we figured out how to change it by now, I wish I had secret shortcuts to tell you about, that there was more accountability or hope, but I’m not seeing it lately. I hope you do. <3

#academia #anthropology #sociology #university #culture #h1n1 #coronavirus #poverty #wealth gap #elitism

[kuntrabida]

2. the axon snaps and thoughts can’t travel (a rant abt COVID-19, senior year spring, and college in the fall)

12 may 2020

the gap year. the fall sem. the jump cut. the FUTURE. much on my mind right now folks lmao (prob folk in singular since like one (1) person’s gonna read this ashvcxjkv)

okay so let’s break this DOWN ig. yea LET’S unpack my inner psyche and my mental baggage at this point because i’m sure that i can’t be the only one feeling this way and even if i am, i’d like to get it off my chest and not rant to the same five people who’ve heard me talk about the same sad subject throughout the entire duration of quarantine asdjfkvcxufdsw

let’s start with senior year haHA :) still haven’t gotten over that xoxo even tho i’ve tricked myself into thinking that i have! gonna refer to it as ye olde Jump Cut because that’s exactly what all this feels like... like mother nature just threw the video file of my high school experience into a fuckinn Premiere timeline or smth and slammed her fist on the W key (an esoteric reference, i know, i know, my bad, but iykyk). 

THE JUMP CUT – senior year’s over and i know it’s a stupid fucking thing to be upset about during a LITERAL GLOBAL PANDEMIC where people are losing and risking their lives and entire livelihoods are being upended but i still... can’t help but feel upset and terrified and devastated about what i’ve always viewed as this buffer period in my life between high school and college to just VIBE and figure myself out a little bit more being cut short. especially when, for once, things were going so well.  

god, the last thing i wanna do is sound dramatic and utterly tone deaf because I RECOGNIZE my privilege and how incredibly fortunate i am to have a roof over my head and food in my fridge and a bed with a damn duvet cover to sleep in at night but i’m... so fucking sad. i’ve BEEN so fucking sad, and i think what’s even worse is the fact that i’ve been DENYING how fucking sad i’ve been feeling because i don’t think i’m... allowed to be sad in this situation? but at the same time i consciously understand that my feelings are valid and everything... it just feels like legitimately everything else in the world right now dwarfs all my concerns combined. but alas. here i am, making a blog post about my feelings to finally try and sort them out...

i just aghsdfhxhzjlk i wasn’t finished. that really is the best way to put it. i wasn’t finished with any of it. and i suppose a lot of that is my own fault for taking all the good times for granted (but also lowkey the fault of idek who... american society? for romanticizing and commodifying the culmination of high school oop)/

i feel like so many people focus on those big milestone events associated with senior year: prom, graduation, senior awards, etc. but to me personally, and to nearly every one of the friends i’ve talked to, it’s the little things that matter most — the absence of which we feel the deepest. i miss spilling coffee on myself in the cafeteria and burning frozen pastries in the toasters and complimenting people’s outfits in the hallways and staying in the building from dawn till dusk and eating takeout on the floor and hastily texting my friends at the end of the school day asking if they wanted to hang out or if they could give me a ride home and i MISS spontaneous sushi and starbucks excursions and quiet heart to hearts in coffee shops and last minute target runs and stressing out about music events and belting in the practice rooms and learning choreography in parking lots where confused drivers would momentarily glance over and just KEEP ON DRIVING and lying on the ground in one of the school’s hallways facing the sun when the light would hit JUST RIGHT through the glass and i could close my eyes and pretend i was at the beach or on an island or in a canyon somewhere or SOMETHING, anywhere, anywhere but there. and i feel this chasm in my throat whenever i think about it because looking back at those moments, i realize that there’s literally no place i’d rather be right now than inside my high school building on a normal ass day dealing with normal ass problems with exceptional, radiant, life-giving souls there to have my back and support me and hug me wow, GOD, hug me. wow how i miss hugs. and I miss my friends. shit. 

hell bro i even miss the days where everything would become a little too much for me and i’d have to find recluse in a digital media classroom and the scent of old lemon-laced coffee grounds as they brewed into dingy styrofoam cups and wandered through the halls with me during the period, into the music room where i literally grew UP and found my voice and discovered validity in my own identity and all that JAZZ and into the bathrooms where i’d spend such subtle, unsuspecting mornings with friends still practically sleepwalking and FUCK bro. frankly i’m just not ready to jump into a life where all the things i hold dear are “remember when”s. i can’t imagine this entire world that i’ve built for myself being a thing of the past, a thing that i’ll look back on as one of the best fucking times of my life even though i never realized it when it mattered, a thing i still want so so so much more of, that i am not and may not ever be ready to let go. i want it all back. but i know getting upset over it is a futile pursuit, because there’s nothing i can do, and that just fuels this feedback cycle of anger and hopelessness and denial and back again. 

i do think of that good ol’ winnie the pooh quote, though. “how lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” but it doesn’t really make anything hurt any less. and i guess i’m just tired of hurting lol. 

THE FUTURE – dawg what the fuck is happening with colleges in the United States right now bro what is the protocol what do i DO¿

pretty damn self explanatory. my defense mechanism has ALWAYS been, “at least things will be better a couple months from now!!!!” and yeah, with university and the reality of getting to attend my dream college fast approaching i did believe that for a hot second but CORONA DAWG CORONA just plunges everything into the sea of uncertainty. i know i’m not the only one frustrated by this damn virus and i should be comforted by the unity we all have in our confusion but lmao i do not feel any better! no! one! has! any! answers! asdjfkvlcxvjl being a graduating high school and incoming college student right now is so FUCKING confusing and frightening and once again i want to acknowledge what an incredible privilege it is to even have the option of a higher education open to me but it’s such a multifaceted and unpredictable issue this year and thinking about the future — again my go-to defense mechanism and at the very least a worthy consideration since i’ll be putting down hella dollars for it — has been the cause of so much stress... 

THE FALL SEM – i! don’t! know! if! it’s! gonna! be! on!line! and i am not planning on staying in my house any longer for a goddamn variety of reasons soo i have no clue how to plan for this! no one does right now! 

our administration keeps affirming that we’re planning for a return to normalcy in the fall semester but a considerable amount of students and experts alike are saying that it’s essentially a cover so no one’ll panic and decline or defer their acceptances. SO MANY OTHER COLLEGES are revealing their contingency plans to have an online semester and ahaHA if i have to STAY in this HOUSE for ANOTHER 4 MONTHS that would FRICKIN SUCK DAWG lmaO i’ll leave it at that! so i’m: very much panicking! 

i know that things are so uncertain right now and there’s really no point in trying to predict what’s going to happen in the next couple of months because so many unknowns remain. i know that a lot of universities are gonna be in deep shit if they don’t open in the fall but at the same time, if it’s a damn public health risk it’s definitely better to keep as many people home as possible. but i have no CLUE what institutions are gonna end up doing and again, literally no one does either! i was listening to a podcast yesterday about university plans for the upcoming academic year and i got asdhvjckxv so stressed when they said that we could be one week away from the start of the school year and things could still be drastically different the next week... there’s just no way of knowing much of anything and god i hate that. it’s making me so goddamn anxious. 

i really doubt things are going to be back to normal in New York in the fall sooo...? i don’t know man again it comes down to asking people questions they don’t have the answers to and that’s just incredibly frustrating because i just want to know ONE THING for certain right now. ONE THING! idk i just wish that my college would be a little more transparent about their plans as they move along and figure things out but i know that’s not feasible. at the very least i hope things will be safe enough for them to make dorming on campus an option — freshmen have a pretty ample amount of singles available anyway. but if i have to spend the first semester of college onLINE in THIS HOUSE that’s... gonna suck. especially because i’m still probably going to be paying thousands of dollars for it which is, as my grandmother says, foul! 

THE GAP YEAR – to defer or not to defer? that is the question. 

so naturally in preparation for a potentially wonky ass academic year i’m considering deferring enrollment. but lmao... the deadline to do so is in uh *checks watch* three (3) literal days so. don’t know about that chief! 

like, i know i’m PROBABLY NOT gonna end up taking a gap year. but i guess it’s just the fact that i have so much more canvas space to daydream about it that makes it so appealing... there are so many more possibilities that i can think of that are more likely to be open to me. then again, nothing’s guaranteed. not even my own health in the fall. which is also pretty fuckin scary as hell.

y’all wanna know where i get my gap year daydream fuel? UNJADED JADE. bruh i’ve been binging her videos like MAD especially the ones where she interrails Europe during her gap year and UGH. it seems incredible. and that makes things even more confusing because i really don’t know what the right decision to make is right now. to defer or not to defer... 

again it’s all so heavily influenced by unknowns. of all the things that could happen, i’d much prefer to have a regular freshman year fall with the people in my class whom i’ve already been getting to know pretty well through groupchats and social media and the like. they’re a pretty dope bunch and i think college with them is gonna be a hoot and a goddamn half. but if i’ll end up just staying home and watching zoom lectures in my basement anyway... i’d much rather be taking a gap year. 

and i’ve been brainstorming what i’d do during this gap year (again, thanks Unjaded Jade for the god-tier content agh) and there’s just like... so many options. i could get a goddamn JOB and start saving up for tuition instead of paying tens of thousands for online school. hell with the money i make working full time i could probably save up enough to afford an apartment so at the very least i could move out of my house into a place where i feel more comfortable. and lmao I: s a l i v a t e at the thought of using that time to focus on my writing, too. the amount of writing i could get done in a year of empty calendar space... glorious. what an utterly glorious prospect. 

and of course, i’d love to fucking travel, volunteer (with a reputable and well-intentioned organization) in a foreign country, do a workstay abroad, take a train across america, but again, i don’t even know if any of that’s going to be feasible in the fall. it’s so FRUSTRATING because i’ll think of a possibility and then another one comes in and completely shuts the former down. 

and it’s not like i can ask anyone for advice right now because we’re ALL none the wiser. plus, i’ve realized that frankly, even if it’s unreasonable, i don’t want anyone to tell me that my plans for a gap year aren’t feasible. it’s such a petulant thing to say... but i don’t want anyone to add to my sense of there being a limited amount of options that i can take advantage of because everything’s already so goddamn stifling as is. i guess the prospect of a gap year excites me so much because it seems like a year where i don’t have to be defined by anyone or anything but myself. and that’s so fucking liberating. 

i just want the freedom to imagine right now because that’s when i feel happiest, but at the same time i’m afraid to get my hopes up for anything because i have this sinking feeling that the absolute worst case scenario is going to become reality. lmao. people in my state aren’t even fucking social distancing correctly so i’m damn sure that we’re in for a second and a third wave and that’s gonna suck but people are stupid as hell :)  

lol on that positive note, thanks for reading this... increasingly depressing and chaotic rant. don’t really think i’m doing this “blog” stuff right but if you got this far, i love you. leave a note if you so please, comment your thoughts, reblog if you’d like (still don’t really understand the difference between reblogging and reposting on this app but lmao feel free to click the boxy arrow thing), and stay safe and healthy and all that jazz <3

#corona #high school #senior year #college #rant #blog #if you can call a frayed amalgam of rants a blog lmao #writeblr #i'm doing this shit wrong I can FEEL IT #anyway thanks for reading #I read this back and it sounds way more dramatic and deep than it is I apologize for the melodrama

[drumie]

Salutatory Speech.

So as Salutatorian, I was told I would have to write a speech focused on the history... I find that a bit challenging, but here it goes.

A very long time ago, the universe did not exist. There was infinite mass and density, and said universe couldn’t take it, so there was a boom. A big bang of sorts…

Then in the late 90’s and early 2000’s we were born. One of us, in fact, was born on this very day. I want to wish Alicia Hernandez a happy birthday. (sing alicia happy birthday)

So we were born. Our worries were few, but substantial. Two of my personal struggles included catching the next spongebob episode and drinking chocolate milk too fast.

We started pre-school. My only memory from there is getting sick on one too many pigs in a blanket. We met some of our first friends here. Simple times.

2004 - Facebook was created.

2005 - Youtube was created.

Then we started Elementary school. I was at east ridge. Our worries here included getting the last breakfast pizza that was left over because “adam wasn’t here and he would want me to have it.” They included  obsessively cramming for spelling tests, memorizing multiplication facts,  and taking our first TAKS test. TAKS test. Feel old yet?

2006 - Twitter was created

We moved onto 4th grade at SIS… The turf wars began. And for the folks that don’t know, there were two different elementary schools that brought up Kindergarten through 3rd grade. And then these two schools would feed into SIS, Sweetwater Intermediate School. This was our world now. Where we came from defined a person… were you from east ridge, or were you from south east? And I’m ending the beef now, East Ridge was the better of the two. Only kidding! It didn’t matter. There were good things from both schools. I’m just glad that hating and judging people from where they’re from is only something 4th and 5th graders do.

I digress. We’d rack up AR Points ca ching! We’d party like the year we were born… Flamingo fling. Not many worries, but we were still in a hurry, learning about history and Martin Luther King. And those days remained romanticized because again, our biggest concerns only included passing a TAKS test and… our first puberty class.

2010 - Instagram was created

Speaking of puberty, here came middle school. Oh my God. Puberty was like Everyone telling you to look both ways before crossing the street to watch for cars and then a falcon swoops down from the sky and attacks you. Folks I thought that was it for us. As soon as coach Huskey said “Let’s go hit that creek” I recall thinking to myself “yeah I’m going to die in the next few hours.” I found my passion: Band. I also found what I thought was my passion: Football. I remember one day Kiante hit me and I was like “I don’t think I like this very much.” Life got real. Technology took off. We all got phones, social media, iPads. Remember how cool we thought we looked with all of our decent selfies  camwow retro logo in the bottom left? Instagram, Snapchat, facebook, tumblr (lowkey though), Jokebox, iFunny, Youtube, and for the first time, We stopped going to older people for help and we got online and googled it. We were the pioneer generation that was raised by technology. Surrounded by information in the times of our lives when we needed it the most. We began to comprehend the different weights of life. As a middle schooler I pulled a few all-nighters to finish projects and homework… I may or may not have procrastinated on. Our priority list was fine tuned. School and extracurricular were up there now. But memes, relationships, and social media were among them as well.

2012 - Vine was created

Then came High School. lots of smells in high school have you noticed that? The big room smells like shredded tires and hard work and dedication with a hint of Trent tears scattered here and there. You could always tell when bunsen burners were on because the science hall always smelled unpleasant. And Mrs. Melendez’s room when she would burn those Orange Buttercream Scenses that smell like fruity pebbles oh my god.

Smells like the big room, bunsen burners, teen spirit, and those scense’s are the things I think I’ll remember the most.

I learned a few important things in my time in High school that I’d like to share with you.

Freshman year I learned that if you’re unhappy in your situation, you have the ability to change it. Whether it be relationships, extracurricular, or any aspect of life, you can change it. I also learned that social media can be a cruel blackhole, that can distort views, reputations, and relationships. Even more so today. Tread carefully.

Sophomore year, I learned the true value of hard work thanks to Mrs. Judith Brentz. She taught us many valuable lessons, the most important being “how to use our heads for something more than keeping your ears apart.” I also got my first B… Thanks Mrs. Mac. I also got my second B… Thanks Mrs. Brentz. I also learned how to rid my life of toxic people, and for the first time I began to see the world for what it really was. All the variables, and the factors that can play into what, when, why, and how we think the things we think.

Junior year was the toughest for me. Between band, Round 2 of Brentz for chem 2, Coach Mayes, Work, and family…. It taught me that you can’t do everything you want to, and at the same time get enough sleep. I also learned that it’s healthy to rock the boat every now and then. You’ll either get humbled, humble someone else, or if conditions are just right, a healthy mix of the two.

I also learned probably the most important lesson I’ve learned thus far. This applies to everyone listening, Teachers, families, current students, etc. If you don’t get anything about my longwinded speech, please hear this.

My junior year, I stopped worrying about grades, and I started doing the best I could to learn and retain everything that was being taught to me. Numbers are just Numbers. But what we should understand is that we have the world’s most powerful computer between our ears, and once we start using it, we become unstoppable. There are people that will disagree with what I’m about to say, but stop trying ace tests. Stop trying to do the bare minimum to get by. Learn and retain the information, and those good grades will come. I guarantee it. And class of 2018, it’s not too late to apply to your lives. Whether you’re going to college or not, this is a fundamental principle that can be applied across the board, and I encourage you to do so.

Alright back to jokes.

My senior year I learned lots. Like how you can overcook a TV Dinner and still get food poisoning, ruining your chance for perfect attendance that year. Once I started seeing colleges I started learning how a world that I thought was so big is about a whole lot bigger. I learned that if you fall asleep exactly 47 minutes before the first bell, you’ll wake up and be in a sour mood the entire day. I learned that once people figure out that you’re doing a speech at graduation, everyone wants a shout out. I also learned that you can market shoutouts and get a headstart on paying tuition by selling them for a dollar a piece. I also learned that I should've thought of that sooner and not just the night before I gave the speech. Nobody bought shoutouts. (this was what was originally written, but nick gomez bought a shoutout lol)

But our priority list is strict now. When we have to be where and with who? Some of us are paying bills, we have to worry about finances, college tuition, student loans, our next meal, car payments, gas money, textbooks, toothpaste, medical, dental, water, electrical, internet, phone bills. Oh my God I thought I wanted to be an adult but this isn’t what I meant. Of course, those are all things we should be concerned about.

I for one have my priorities just a little bit different

My biggest worries are still catching the latest episode of spongebob and drinking chocolate milk at the right speed.

So welcome. I hope you enjoy tonight's ceremonies. I’m going to wrap this up with a few thank yous, and we’ll get on with it.

Thank you God, for the many blessings you’ve laid upon my life as well as the blessings you’ve given my friends and family. I know I tick you off sometimes, so, I just ask that you’ll bear with me. I’m still learning

Thank you to my dad. You’ve taught me a lot. The most memorable being the wisdom you passed on from my grandmother in heaven… To never take life too seriously.

Thanks momma. You make me laugh like no one else can. And you get me the way no one else can. You can bet everything you say I’m gonna steal and make it my own. I love you.

Marlee, you’re the only one that gets me emotional anymore. I’m so proud of you. I once described you to a friend as a little packet of sunshine that grew arms, legs, and a face, and now you just walk around spreading happiness and joy. I’m glad you made your own path and didn’t follow in my footsteps. I know you’ll continue to make me proud with everything that you do.

Band - Thank you for giving me a place I belong. I’m odd, and yall were okay with it. Without you, I wouldn’t be standing up here.

Directors - Thanks for making me feel at home. I still cant wait to call yall by yall’s first names here in about an hour.

Teachers and Administrators - Thank you for bearing with me. I know I was a thorn in yall’s side from time to time with scandalous assignments and requests. And Mrs. Reyes and Mrs. Little… I made it.

(With the exception of what’s bolded, the other shoutouts made were ad-libbed and did not have a concrete order. I recall thanking other teachers, friends, and family, and shouting out nick gomez, lauren rodriguez, and trini and bell.)

And last but not least, I’d like to thank Jeff Stein and Richard Ferguson for keeping me on their staff after numerous hiccups on 96.7 FM, 1240 AM, KXOX. Good times, great country. For the job opportunity you’ve given me, you helped ease the financial stress that comes from being a poor high schooler, and a soon to be college student. I cant thank you enough.

And in closing. Heed this warning, everyone listening.

We are strong.

We are persistent.

We are mustangs.

We will go on.

We will succeed.

We will prosper.

We are coming.

We are graduating

We are the Class of 2018.

Thank you, and God Bless.

“Salutations” //Trent(on) Hicks. May 25, 2018

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds s02e08 Empty Planet review - or more aptly named, HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO BREATHE AFTER THIS ONE?

Episode 08 – Empty Planet

So last episode was beyond controversial in my head. I hope this would be okay. Though the name suggests something seriously creepy is going to happen.

Let’s see what happens.

What is he making? That looks like a fucking bomb! Why is he phoning it in? what’s going on? Fuck. Shit. On a bus?

Oh god, this guy is completely over the hedge.

And he hides the bomb inside an umbrella? What?

Hey, Spencer is trying to be civil, why are you blowing him off, Jayje?

Homeland Security? Damn.

Oh god, I love Penelope’s hairstyle.

“Who can say no to me?” I know I can’t. XD I love this woman.

Yeah, if you don’t know where the bomb is gonna go kaboom, you have to contain it till the event happens and then investigate. Fuck. Otherwise everyone will panic and it would be worse.

Seattle. Oh jeez.

Did he just blow that bus up with a remote control? Fuck. That is nasty.

Maxmillien Robespierre: “Crime butchers innocents to secure a prize. And innocence struggles with all its might against the attempt of crime.” Wow, this guy is deep. Who is he?

“So Seattle is where it all began.” “We just need to figure out what it is. And off the top of my head all I can think of is grunge music and overpriced coffee.” I love you, Derek! I love you, Reid! Let’s kick this episode right. Whoo! Kidding, people are dead, let’s get straight to it.

They’re teaming up with the Seattle FBI, damn.

Wait. Derek was on bomb squad? Hot and dangerous. Love him.

So they’re trying to lure him out by stressing that the case isn’t a terror attack? Smart.

So if I wanted, I could use a remote control from a toy I bought from a toy-store, attach some explosive detonator, and kaboom? Well, fuck!

Dried peas. Hmm. Controlled explosion?

Etched on it is a robot with an arrow through it? Kind of weird. Anti technology. Damn. Time to call in my hottie.

“Hey, doll-face, ready to work some magic for me?” “Challenge me, you beautiful behavioral analyst.” Rawr, I love you too so much.

“Morgan, challenge me. Doesn’t even raise my blood pressure.” Well, hot damn.

“My loony opposites.” LOL

“Disguised young guy went crazy on a bunch of computers at a science lab, screaming, ‘we will soon be the slaves and the machines will be the masters.’ Yikes. That would totally suck for me. I’m surrounded in here …” “Come one, what are you worried about? You got me to protect you.” “Now that gets my blood up.”

Mine too, girl.

Floppy disk bombs?

“Who uses floppy disks anymore?” “Right, agent Brain, that was the point of the attack.”

Oh my god, I love the dialogue in this episode so much.

And again, that skewered robot is cropping up. Damn.

F.F.T. Brigade. Sounds pretentious and really non professional. Allegro. Made up!

What! He just blew a bomb when they were on the phone with him? Damn.

He’s brazen.

So let me get this straight, he got the name from a book depicting the takeover of machines and robots over the earth. Where the robot who was originally a guy kills his mom? Or something like that? I’m confused.

And now, apparently, the target was some dude who works on creating artificial life forms? Damn.

And he’s a total douche.

The doc is friend with the author of ‘Empty Planet’ (which is a fictitious book in this series, I love it!) and turns out that David Hansberry is a pseudonym.

“Her name, you cute little chauvinist, is Ursula Kent.” Yup. She totally just schooled Derek’s ass. I love it!

“Oh you are the light of my life, sweet lady.” “Je suis toujours ici pour toi, mon cher.” “Drives me crazy when you speak that ‘voulez coucher’ stuff to me. Stop it! Au revoir, crazy girl.”  Oh my god, this little bit of dialogue just made me melt on the inside and that is something that is pretty hard to do considering I have copious amounts of fat in this lump of flesh. Lol.

Oh my god, Reid begins to explain what Dr. Cooke said and Gideon’s like, dude, I get it, don’t. I love this dynamic duo.

Goon squad? Did you just call my sweet cheeks a goon? Fuck you, Cooke!

“Ever talk to someone who wants to continually show you he’s smarter than you?” (Derek indicating Spencer) “Every day.” Hey, that’s not nice, baby. Play nice.

Spencer, you’re not helping yourself. Hahahaha oh my god I love those two.

Six? Did Reid just say he read a post-modern science-fiction novel at six? What? And did Derek just say he was still riding with training wheels when he was six? Oh my god, I just died from the cuteness.

It’ll take him 10 minutes to buy and read the book? What? He’s nuts.

………………………………………………………..

I’m sorry. I simply didn’t have the words to express what I was feeling the moment it happened.

Dr. Cooke’s car exploded when he was still in it.

I am writing as if I’m a robot right now. Because I am in shock. What the fuck did I just witness? Fuck you, loser.

Allegro. You fuckhead. I really hate you, you weirdo psycho.

Oh Reid, you clueless doodlebug.

What the fuck? Waterworks? Another bomb? Damn.

Well, a guy who has a very loose grip on reality will think a fantasy book is real. Yup. She just found out about Cooke.

Damn. At least they found the other bomb.

Another? What the fuck?

Wait. She has a necklace of the robot with an arrow through it? Oh my god.

Ooooh, if he’s pissing Derek, I don’t want to be in his shoes. Damn.

No one reads as fast as Reid. True.

Hahaha, she was just watching Reid like, what the fuck is this guy made of? Oh boy.

Wait. Another professor is being targeted? Oh no. Please. Save her. Please.

Thank goodness.

Shit. There’s a fucking bomb under her seat like Cooke’s. Fuck.

Let’s hope there’s no mercury.

What? Morgan is staying with this lady till they’re taking the bomb out and disposing of it? Oh my god, I love you Derek, but I am not ready to lose you just yet. Oh my goodness. I just fell in love. All over again.

And I know, I know Derek Morgan is a fictional character, you don’t have to explain that to me, I’m a highly-educated woman, with a bachelor’s from the Hebrew University of Jerusalem in English Literature and Linguistics, I understand there is a difference between fiction and reality; but you cannot tell me that when you watch this, you didn’t fall just that little bit more in love with Shemar and Derek.

Aww, Gideon is expressing the depth of his relationships with the team. I love you all.

Yes! She got the bomb safely! Thank the goodness of Derek’s heart. Fuck.

Wait. What? Oh I get it. They have to let him think that the whole thing was successful.

Hahahaha, Reid wanted another book. I love him.

“That was the only story I needed to tell.” That is a genius response, lady.

Wait. Is she not telling them something?

Kenneth Roberts? So she does have a student in mind.

What is going on here?

Why did she throw her book?

I don’t get it.

So I was right? Oh god. I thought I misunderstood him, but yikers.

The whole book is told from the mother’s point of view? Form Ursula’s?

So Allegro is eventually going to kill her? Oh god.

You know, he doesn’t seem that crazy right now.

Okay, now he looks dangerous.

Oh god. He is adopted and he thinks Ursula is his mom? But she gave up a baby for adoption! And he thinks he’s that baby? That was the inspiration for the book? Oh god.

Hey! Why did you hang up you crazy loon?

Oh god, he’s abducting her to finish his story? God. This guy is sick in the head.

She gave up a girl. It’s not him. It’s all for nothing. Damn.

Oh my god, he’s insane!

Oh god! He has a fucking bomb, and he’s gonna blow them both up if they do something sudden. God.

Sniper!

And she took it instead? What? Oh my god, what the fuck has she done?

Oh god, thank god it’s her shoulder. That sniper is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen in the FBI. I thought they had psych evals.

So JJ, Reid and Hotch are playing poker. Hotch goes off and tells them not to cheat, and immediately Reid looks at his cards. I love this show.

Hahahahahahhahaha

Oh my god I just died. So Reid is trying to romanticize science-fiction to JJ, and she’s like “Let me save you the time, Reid, I am never going to ComicCon with you.” Oh honey, why break my baby’s heart like that?

Gin!

She just won! Damn!

“Genius Dr. Reid let you win.” Uh huh.

Oh my god, so Derek knows what Gideon said about him? And now Gideon thinks Reid tattled, and he’s acting all innocent. I love Gubler beyond measure.

Gideon is really tough. On the outside. But on the inside he’s a mushy wittle teddy bear that I just want to squeeze and hug all the time.

God. They’re so tough on the outside that it’s hard to express emotions, and they’re so vulnerable at the same time and that’s what makes me love them even more. I love you guys so much!

 Okay, so this episode really played on my fangirl emotions. I mean, really. This was just beyond unfair. So they have science-fiction involved. They have COPIOUS amounts of Penelope and Derek flirting to the point that I think I might need to set an appointment with my dentist. They blow people up like it’s just another day at the office. They put my chocolate Adonis in harm’s way and make him a hero and make me melt like butter. They show Reid’s sassy side at Gin, and they show Gideon’s soft underbelly? I just can’t with these amazing writers and actors. I just fucking can’t.

God. This episode was amazing.

Really looking forward to the next one.

#criminal minds #s02e08 #empty planet #aaron hotchner #thomas gibson #jason gideon #mandy patinkin #jennifer jareau #aj cook #derek morgan #shemar moore #spencer reid #matthew gray gubler #penelope garcia #kirsten vangsness #chocolate adonis

[newhologram]

I'm so sorry people are being horrible to you because you write important things.

Maybe that’s exactly why I need to write them. 

The people on this site and the behavior they excuse... It freaks me out. I worry. Because every time I talk about my experience with abuse and say how I’m concerned because all over this site you have “don’t consume media that romanticizes abuse uwu! if u do ur condoning abuse!” and “how to spot an abuser” checklists

But then people reblog it and they romanticize abuse against real living people as something heroic.

And as a survivor I look at it and I say, “this is similar to the mental and emotional abuse I went through, and I’m concerned that so many bloggers think that some kinds of abuse are acceptable and admirable if they can say it’s about ‘protecting survivors’… because all I see is survivors being bullied into disclosing to hundreds and sometimes thousands of strangers something deeply personal and traumatic”

and the responses I get are

“lol ur white and u like Japanese culture what u say doesn’t matter” (I’m mixed, and for some reason this site loves to point at my ethnic appearance and the fact that I’m a Japanese language student in order to invalidate my survivor status)

“lmaoo how neurotypical” (Disabled, PTSD, depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia, narcolepsy with hypnagogiameaning I go paralyzed and hallucinate, sensory processing disorder, in the process of finding doctors to beg evaluated for autism and bipolar disorder, but the big thing here is I GREW UP WITH A COMPRESSED BRAIN STEM so my brain didn’t develop properly due to atlas subluxation, but sure, I guess I’m neurotypical because you disagree with me? Also I was trying to figure out how that’s even an argument and I guess it comes from the bits on this site that say “i can’t help but abuse bc of my mental illness” and that concerns me exactly because I have experience with my own illnesses making me abusive, and I do everything possible to manage and change that and be aware and most of all, apologize if it happens)

“OP obviously doesn’t understand what abuse is” (Again, survivor, and I’ve had to repeatedly tell strangers the details about what happened to me over my lifetime that broke my brain and my spirit in order to get them off my back. None have ever apologized to me, probably due to pride or ego? I don’t know.)

“um no we’re allowed to abuse people who don’t cater to our needs” (… No. Absolutely not. You want abuse apologism to stop in fiction, then why do you literally do it in real life while accusing other people of doing it in real life based on their fictional interests?)

This is all a problem.

But they want me to not talk about it, because my experience doesn’t fit their narrative.

I’m not useful, I ask messy and hard questions, I talk about nuance and greys and to those who see only in black and white, it sends them into rage and apparently irresistible cruel urges and then I’m told over and over by strangers online that I’m the abuse apologist (for asking them to stop bullying), that I’m the abuser (for shipping villains or whatever), that I should end my life (suicide baiting) because I disagree with them about them being allowed to abuse based on certain conditions.

I survived. I’m here. If you think I will just die and stop talking about difficult things and challenging the abusive culture this website nurtures, then you have mistaken me for an easy target.

Remember, I grew up being controlled by people like that. So, those abuse tactics are super transparent to me. That’s the advantage of being a self-aware survivor. I know their game plan and it doesn’t work on me, and that makes the bullies even angrier because they can’t control me.

If you want abuse to stop. If you truly want it to stop. Maybe it’s time to make the decision to stop abusing.

Maybe you need to start with yourself. 

#personal #bad sj #abuse #anonymous #ask

[adhduck]

If You Ever Need Someone, I Will Be There

In the true spirit of February, have some...Halloween? Yikes, this was a late one. But it’s fine. It’s fine. And who needs correct context when you can have SOLID BELLARKE FLUFF WITH A ONE YEAR OLD? Also I think it was @forgivenessishardforus and @ginalou16 who originally told me about this idea? Though I don’t remember and you might not either lol

(AO3)

It was weird, probably, that Clarke met her best friend because of her daughter. Although, to be fair, most of Clarke’s friendships came out of strange situations—she met Maya when she nearly attacked her over a misunderstanding; Murphy at the courthouse, where she was paying a ticket and he was on trial for robbery; and Raven when they realized they were both in a relationship with the same guy.

           Which was sort of, in a roundabout way, how the first one got started.

           When Clarke realized Finn was cheating on her, it was almost shockingly easy cut him out of her life—take back the key, change her Facebook status, and spend a few weeks bonding with the other girl to ease the nagging heartache she didn’t want to feel until it withered into nothing. At least, until she missed her period and got a test, just to be sure, and then Clarke spent hours curled in the bathroom crying, staring at those two stupid lines on the screen because she wasn’t ready for this.

           But, thankfully, she had nine months of cravings and cramps and general irritation (so just the normal you, Jasper noted, which got him kicked in the leg) to prepare, and a horde of overprotective friends and family members to get her through it, and when the baby came she was, if not primed for motherhood, excited to hold a little girl in her arms who was hers. She was determined to do it well, to prove she didn’t need Finn or any other parental figure to raise this child. And she didn’t, not really—not besides occasional babysitting from Lincoln when her professors wouldn’t allow children, or frantic 2am calls to her mother or Monty (who was weirdly knowledgeable about motherhood, considering). In terms of surviving and caring for little Callie, Clarke was perfectly fine on her own.

           The problem was in the finer details.

 --

“What do you mean, you’re not carving pumpkins?”

           Clarke sighed heavily and adjusted Callie on her hip, prying her hair out of the one-year-old’s grabby fingers. “There’s not much of a point, right? Callie can’t make one.”            “So make one for her,” Raven demanded. “You can’t just skip out on the fun of holidays because you’ve got a baby to take care of.”

           “I’m not,” Clarke hedged.

           “Not what? Skipping out?”

           “Not because of Callie.”

           “Then why?” But, being Raven, she didn’t give Clarke a chance to reply. “You can’t be serious. Are you telling me you’re going to let your child’s first official Halloween get ruined because you’re single? Because listen, there’s no rule against single moms enjoying life because they don’t have a partner, and just because that jerk Finn cheated and then ran off to let you deal on your own—”

           “Raven,” Clarke hissed, cutting her off; Callie blinked and dropped her head onto Clarke’s shoulder. “I’m not doing it because of Finn. It’s just—” She swallowed hard and ran a hand across her daughter’s stringy hair. “I know what it’s like to live with a single mom, okay? I know how it feels to have two parents and then be ripped away from one of them. And I don’t want that for Callie.”

           Something softened in Raven’s gaze and she reached out to brush Clarke’s arm with her fingers. “Hey,” she murmured, using more gentleness than she usually ever displayed. “She’ll be fine. More than fine, with a mom like you.” Then she cleared her throat and stepped back with straighter shoulders. “And anyway, if you don’t carve a pumpkin and waste your artistic talent, I’ll knock you over the head with a wrench.”

            Clarke grinned. “Good to see you’re back.”

           “I will get my toolbox, Griffin.”

           “Race you there.”

           (Raven won, mostly because she played dirty. Thankfully, however, carrying children was an excellent protection against death threats.)

 --

Clarke liked her job. She loved it, in fact; working with young kids and teaching them how to draw little pictures, even as a student teacher, was much more enjoyable than the freelancing she once imagined herself doing. The issue was managing where to take her child while she taught other people’s children.

           Usually Callie stayed with Lincoln, who could work from home, or Monty if he was available, but both were unavailable today and Clarke had no idea what to do with the kid (she was too paranoid for babysitters or daycare). Add that to the fact she was late for work – read: unable to warn her boss about the child she was taking with her – got makeup all over her brand-new shirt, and forgot to feed a crying Callie, and it equaled out to a very frustrated Clarke.

           “Good morning, Clarke, how are—oh.” The principal, Anya, stared blankly at Callie, who had buried her face wetly into the collar of Clarke’s blouse.

           “I’m so sorry, I couldn’t find anyone to take her. What do I do?”

           Anya sighed heavily and adjusted her glasses (she didn’t need them, but seemed to think they made her look more qualified or something). “You called everyone you know to see if they’re available?”

           “Yes, everyone, including my mom, although she wouldn’t be helpful four hours away, and they’re all busy. I swear I would take her to someone, but I don’t make much money and I don’t want to use it on some daycare lady who won’t even treat her right – well, I guess you’d know, since you pay me and everything – and I can’t leave her alone, so—”

           “Miss Griffin. Breathe,” Anya said tiredly. “If it was this much of a stressor to get your child to a safe place, you could’ve just called in sick or other and saved me all the trouble. I’ll just have to....”

           “Excuse me, Ms. Anya. What seems to be the problem?”

           Clarke turned to see who the newcomer was and found the freckled face of Bellamy Blake, a social studies teacher who’d just switched from a nearby middle school to work at Arkadia Elementary. She hadn’t gotten to know him yet besides the obligatory greeting (which ended in a half-banter, half-argument) and the forcibly cut-off gazes because, okay, fine. The guy was hot. Sue her.

           “Oh. Um, hi, Mr. Blake,” Clarke said awkwardly. “We were just working out what to do with my daughter Callie. I can’t find a place to take her.”

           “I was thinking of just sending the two home for the day and save all of us the stress. I can easily pull up a sub for the children and let you figure out a more consistent schedule,” Anya said curtly. Clarke just stared at her blankly; she had yet to find the line between concerned and condescending with this woman.

           “What, and let the children miss out on Miss Griffin’s incredible teaching?” Bellamy asked, smirking at Clarke. (That was a line she could recognize easily. Bellamy seemed to live exclusively in the land of snarky or sarcastic.) “Surely we can figure something out.”

           “School policy generally restricts letting teachers’ children in the classroom with them....” Anya reminded him.

           “Yeah, well, bull to policy. She can manage her class fine with or without a child, and if it becomes a problem with drawing or something one of the other teachers can just hold onto the kid for a little bit.” He pointedly turned to Clarke. “Does that sound good to you?”

           Clarke swallowed and glanced momentarily to Anya, who seemed already disinterested in the situation. “Um—okay. As long as you know how to handle her, if I have to pass her off to you.”

           Bellamy rolled his eyes dramatically. “I practically raised my little sister. I can take care of—what was her name again?”

           “Callie. Short for Calypso.”

           Clarke could swear a lightbulb went off behind Bellamy’s eyes. “Like the Greek myth?”

           “If it’s the same as the one in Percy Jackson, yes. It’s sort of where I came up with it; that and it’s just pretty.”

           “More or less, though she was highly romanticized in Percy Jackson,” Bellamy said, getting an excited lilt to his voice. What a nerd. “Not that I minded; she was way more complex in the books and served an interesting side plot. And in Heroes of Olympus I loved when—”

           “Ahem.”

           They both turned to see Anya staring at them expectantly, and Clarke shifted uncomfortably. She’d forgotten the principal was even there. “I believe you have classes to attend.”

           “Yes, ma’am,” Bellamy said obediently, then inclined his eyes to Clarke mischievously. “It’s time, your majesty.”

           Clarke arched an eyebrow. “Are you talking to me or the baby whose pastimes include pooping and chewing on her own fingers?”

           “Calypso was the daughter of a Titan, you know. That’s royalty in my book.”

           “So that makes me what, a queen?”

           “Nah,” Bellamy said, still with that infuriatingly endearing grin, and took one of Callie’s thin arms in his hand. Callie, who only ever wanted her mom and wailed for hours before liking anyone, stared at him carefully and then gurgled happily. “I’m thinking you’re more of a princess, Clarke.”

           He turned and walked away without another word, and all Clarke could think – well, besides how unbelievably dramatic he was – was that he had used her first name.

 --

Two days before Halloween, Raven left a little gift at Clarke’s door.

           “I would’ve left knives as well,” Clarke read, “but I assumed that would be dangerous and I know you have some anyway. I’m checking in tomorrow and if it’s not done, I’m taping your hand to mine and doing it for you. XOXO.” Clarke looked skeptically at Callie, who was busy giggling at the hollow noises the pumpkin made when she hit it. “Does she really think delivering me a pumpkin will convince me to carve it?”

           In response, Callie clapped her hands together and sneezed.

           Clarke brought it up with the squad during her free time before lunch, but they all had the same advice—do whatever makes you comfortable, either way will be fine, just make sure Raven’s not near a hammer if you don’t. So, naturally, she brought it up with Bellamy.

           The two of them had bonded a little in the week since he had defended her in front of Anya, naturally drifting together in the teacher’s lounge when they had spare moments and getting into quips about the best music of the 90s or how to properly make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Clarke had learned Bellamy hadn’t practically raised his little sister, Octavia, he’d really raised her; that he was a giant history nerd but hated teaching middle school and up because they’d only let him teach ‘white boy’ history; that he was supposed to wear glasses but had given up after his puppy had eaten through two pairs of them (Clarke tried really, really hard not to imagine him pushing glasses up the bridge of his nose, especially with all those freckles).

           In return, Bellamy had learned about Clarke’s never-ending argument with her mom about how she should’ve gone into the medical field, and her weird obsession with middle grade novels she’d read as a kid, and her side job of commissioning art—and, accidentally, her dilemma with Halloween.

           “She just dropped it off at your door?” he asked, half amused and half flabbergasted.

           “Yep, vaguely threatening note and all. She seems to think I’ll prove my independence as a single mom by stabbing orange gourds.”

           Bellamy paused, looking genuinely thoughtful. “Well, it could, couldn’t it? Prove you’re fine just as you are, a family of two.”

           “That’s what everyone keeps telling me. But I just can’t shake the feeling Callie needs somebody there, you know? A dad, or another mom. Someone who’s not just me.”

           “So you want to get hitched by tomorrow is what I’m hearing.”

           “No, you idiot,” she said, shoving his shoulder playfully. “I just wish I had a fill-in-father, somehow. Like you were for Octavia.”

           “Oh.” He caught her gaze, and Clarke became aware that they were oddly close for a public area. She swallowed.

           “Well, I—” She was cut off by the bell, and instantly the spell broke. Clarke backed off a step, clearing her throat nonchalantly, and said, “Thanks for the advice, Bellamy. See you later?”

           “Later. Yeah,” Bellamy agreed.

           She wondered why he seemed so certain.

 --

That night, Clarke spent a good twenty minutes staring at the pumpkin, weighing her options. It wouldn’t hurt to carve it, technically; it wasn’t likely to explode, and Clarke knew how to handle knives without hurting herself (unless it was cooking). But she still felt that incessant nagging, like something was missing.

           Then the doorbell rang.

           Clarke looked quizzically at Callie, who was in her booster seat and not paying attention at all, and went to the door. She swung it open, expecting to see Raven ‘checking in,’ but was instead saw—

           “Bellamy?”

           He blinked and adjusted the glasses – glasses – on his nose. “Clarke.”

           “Um, how—what are you doing here?”

           “Oh! Oh, yeah. Sorry. Octavia told me where you live.”

           “No, no, I meant why you were on my doorstep at seven o’clock on a school night.” And how Octavia knew where I live, and why you asked her, and how I’m supposed to handle your hair being mussed up like that.

           In response, he held up the bag in his hands. “I thought I’d be of assistance.”

           “With what?” Clarke asked, but the question was answered as soon as she looked in the bag. It was full of pumpkin carving tools—knives, hole-punchers, scoops, design books. Beneath all of it was a small, newly-bought pumpkin with the sticker still on it. “...Ah.”

           “I felt bad Calypso was going to start out her Halloween days without getting to celebrate all the traditions,” he explained, a little nervously, “so I asked Octavia about it, and she asked her boyfriend Lincoln....”

           “Lincoln? Octavia’s dating Lincoln?”

           “The connection was a surprise to me, too,” Bellamy agreed, with a little edge to his voice. He was way too overprotective sometimes. “But anyway, Lincoln approved the idea, and he passed your address on to me,” (Clarke made a mental note here to whack Lincoln over the head with her pumpkin the next time she saw him, and then maybe hug him), “and now here I am. Ready to serve.”

           “Um—” How was she supposed to respond to that? “Come inside, then.”

           She opened the door and led Bellamy inside, feeling superconscious of everything—the messy entryway, her paint-splattered clothes and messy bun, the remnants of Callie’s dinner splattered across the table. “I like it,” he said wonderingly. “Sort of huge for a school teacher, but nice.”

           Clarke flushed red. “Mom’s a surgeon and Dad left most everything to me. Seemed to realize I would go the low-pay route instead of following my mother’s footsteps.”

           He gave her that look, the one she couldn’t place on the line between contempt and amusement. “A true princess.”

           She swallowed and stepped past him to the table. “Which pumpkin do you want to carve?”

           He glanced over Raven’s gift thoughtfully before saying, “Calypso’s the one we’re doing this for, so I think she needs one dedicated to her. And the other one we share?”

           Clarke decided to ignore the we’s and picked Callie out of her chair. “All right, Callie, you want to carve some pumpkins with Mr. Blake here? Do you remember him?”

           Callie reached a hand out to Bellamy and gurgled happily. “Bemy.”

           Bellamy smiled in a distinctly paternal way – Clarke was absolutely not into it – and held Callie’s hand between two of his fingers. “Good to see you again, milady,” he said gently. “What picture do you want?”

           “Bufly,” Callie said insistently, squeezing his finger. She turned her face to Clarke. “Bufly, Mommy. I want bufly.”

           “All right, butterfly it is,” Clarke said, smiling widely. “I can do that one. Bellamy, you can pick whatever for our pumpkin.” Our. “As long as you don’t ruin it. This will be on display, remember.”

           Bellamy smiled; Clarke felt a churning in her gut. “As you wish.”

           Turned out Bellamy was just as good as Clarke at the physical carving – practice, he said, lots of practice – and by the time they were finished, up to the elbows in pumpkin guts and smelling about as good, there was a butterfly and a crown side-by-side on the table. “I can’t believe I let you pick,” Clarke groaned when she saw his design idea.

           He shrugged. “Your fault for giving the guest free reign.”

           “Ah, but joke’s on you, because this one’s going into the closet, never to be seen by any decent human soul,” Clarke told him.

           “You wouldn’t.”

           “Oh, I would, Bemy.”

 --

Clarke thought that would be the end of it, but on Halloween Bellamy accidentally revealed he had nothing to do that night, and she nobly suggested he could go trick-or-treating with her and Callie. He came to her house that night, just as before, except now they were both in Star Wars costumes (him as Han Solo, her as Rey) to match with Callie’s Leia outfit. “We’ll take turns taking her to the door, so we don’t crowd up the porch,” Clarke reminded him as she locked her apartment door behind him. “And if she gets too tired we come back immediately. This is for her to have fun, no matter how much candy we get to mooch off her.”

           “I get candy?” Bellamy asked.

           Clarke feigned innocence. “I mean, if I eat all this candy on my own, I’ll have no teeth by the end, and who’ll critique you on your classroom decorations then?”

           “On second thought, I don’t want any,” he decided, and she shoved him.

           They were only out an hour when Callie started to crash. Bellamy volunteered to carry her so Clarke could get into the house and when he tried to lay Callie into her bed she clutched onto his neck and it was so pure that Clarke nearly kissed him right there.

           She didn’t, but after they stuffed their faces with candy and watched movies sitting just a little too close together until Bellamy had to leave, she wrapped her arms around his neck tightly and reveled in the warm, comforting way he held her back.

           “Thank you, Bellamy,” she murmured by his ear, unwilling to be the first to pull away.

           “I didn’t do anything,” he replied, but he was smiling.

           It was a long time before either of them let go.

 --

Raven was, unsurprisingly, the first one to call Clarke out on the whole situation.

           Granted, she didn’t bug Clarke when she asked Bellamy over because ‘Callie was too much to handle,’ or when he made her dinner because she’d been watching a sick Callie all day and didn’t want to order takeout, or even when she stopped using the excuse of Callie altogether and just asked him over, constantly. She only interfered when, months and months after the two pumpkins in the front window had withered away, Clarke gave Bellamy a house key.

           “You do realize there are married couples who don’t take that step,” Raven chided her when Clarke tried to justify the decision with what if something happened to Callie and he always has to cook for me anyway so he might as well let himself in. “You’re practically living together.”

           “It’s a key, Raven, not a diamond ring. It’s just...more effective, all right? We’re not getting married; we haven’t even kissed yet.”

Raven’s whole face lit up at that, and Clarke inwardly cursed, realizing her error.

“No, that’s not what I meant,” she amended hurriedly, “we’re not romantic and we’re not going to be, he’s just—”

           “You said yet!” Raven cawed gleefully. “How many times have you thought about it, Clarke? I need details.”

           “I don’t think about kissing Bellamy.”

           Raven scoffed. “You’re the worst liar I know, Griffin. Spill it. Why haven’t you two smashed your faces together yet?”

           Clarke thought about lying for a moment, but she’d been dying to talk about this for months, and Raven was one of her only friends she could trust to keep a secret. “And someone mistook him for Callie’s father the other day, and he’s so domestic, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it because he just wants to marathon CW shows and I want to flipping marry him, Raven.”

           Raven was silent for a long time and Clarke thought maybe she’d get a good response, but what came out was, “Wow. Okay. I was not expecting that level of honesty. Maybe Bellamy’s secretly drugging you with all those cookies.”

           “Raven.”

           “All right, all right. Well, if you ask me, you need to poke your head out of the sand and actually look at that boy for a moment, because I’m not getting much of a ‘movie buddies’ vibe from him.”

           “That’s literally all we do together.”

           “Oh yes,” Raven said, rolling her eyes, “besides eating dinner like a family every night, sometimes with Octavia, which is the closest thing to meeting his parents, and going out on ‘hangouts’ to restaurants you want to try, and planning each other’s lessons, all the while with your heart eyes in blinding mode.”

           “Bellamy does not have heart eyes for me,” Clarke grumbled even as her heart did that awkward happy flop.

           “Hon, he only has heart eyes for you. Even when you argue it’s like half of him is too busy staring into your soul to be upset.”

           Clarke thought about the way Bellamy had looked at her when he’d said goodbye the night before; how his whole face had gone soft and his eyes had gotten that thing she loved, like a barely-contained spark about to burst into flames. She thought about how hard it had been to do nothing more than squeeze his hand and peck his cheek as he went out the door.

           “I may be seeing your point,” she conceded, “but it doesn’t mean I can just walk up to him and say, ‘Hey, Bellamy, I know I’ve kept things strictly platonic between the two of us since we met, now I would really like to make out with you. Thanks.’”

           “Well, you could, and it would probably end in lots of face-smashing, but since you want a traditional way of going about this, you’re going to have to just find the right time to explain yourself.”

           “What time is that?”

           Raven shrugged. “How would I know? I don’t dabble in your weird rom-com ways. I just tell people when they’re hot.”

           Clarke rolled her eyes before feeling her phone buzz in her pocket; when she opened it, Bellamy’s scrunchy smile dominated the screen. “Thanks, Raven. Very helpful.”

           “I know,” Raven grinned, then left Clarke to her work.

 --

After that conversation, Clarke sort of expected herself to spill everything to Bellamy over the phone, or at least the next time she saw him, but of course it didn’t happen like that. Every time she started up the courage, she got distracted by the weight of his arm around her shoulder or his laugh when he played with Callie or the pressure of his gaze on hers. Or, sometimes, she just panicked and changed the subject because what if? After all, this wasn’t some random person she’d gotten fond of. This was Bellamy. This was her best friend. If she was wrong....

           So, she stalled, even when everyone (except Bellamy, hopefully) figured it out and nagged her incessantly; and maybe she could’ve held off on it forever, too, if not for Callie.

           Bellamy was over, like he always was, and since it was Friday Clarke had hours of being with him to look forward to after Callie fell asleep. He was making another attempt to teach her how to cook, which was as useless as the day he started, but he was so concerned about her ability to feed herself when he was away that she humored him.

           “I vote we each make a single serving for the other person and judge who did it better,” Clarke said as they gathered materials.

           “A competition? From you? I’m shocked,” Bellamy said monotonously.

           “Fine, if you think you can’t win,” she goaded, purposefully leaning into his side.

           “Fine, if you think you can win without me coming to rescue you,” he replied.

           He was right, of course; even though it was a pasta dish, and a simple one at that, Clarke found herself constantly wanting to ask Bellamy questions, and by the time they both served each other their dishes, Bellamy’s looked like the winner on Chopped and Clarke’s looked like it had been chopped. With a chainsaw. Covered in blood.

           “How much paprika did you put in this, Griffin?” Bellamy asked when she set in in front of him, eyes almost comically wide.

           “I may have had some issues with the lid and pouring,” she admitted, sitting gracefully in front of her own plate.

           “If I eat this, I may actually die.”

           She shrugged and stabbed a forkful of food. “More room in the staff fridge for me. Anyway, you agreed to the deal.”

           “Yeah, but I didn’t realize it was Chopped Hunger Games,” Bellamy grumbled, but he ate it anyway – actually ate it, that disgusting bowl of limp noodles covered in red powder and bitter sauce – and all she could think about was how much she loved him, even when he threatened to replicate her dish exactly the next day.

           Once they finished eating and cleaned up – meaning Clarke did dishes while Bellamy washed out his mouth with soap in the bathroom – they went to put Callie to bed. She was getting much better at falling asleep lately, as long as someone told her a story, and (like everything) it had turned into a competition. Each night they both told a story, and Callie picked her favorite as she nodded off. They kept a tally on the fridge.

           Bellamy was currently six ahead of Clarke, which she wasn’t entirely surprised at because the boy could speak. Where Clarke stumbled over her words, searching for the perfect phrase and trying to fit the whole story in her head at once, Bellamy’s stories rolled over his tongue like he’d heard them his whole life. He gave different voices for each character and sent them on wild adventures (with Calypso ever the brave hero) and made dramatic gestures with his hands when it got especially exciting. If Clarke was being honest, she was as riveted as her daughter.

           But war was war, so of course she couldn’t be honest.

           “All right, Callie, which one’s your favorite? Mine or Bellamy’s?” Clarke asked as Bellamy finished up and smirked at her, already knowing he would win.

           She yawned hugely and rolled onto her side. “Daddy’s.”

           Clarke froze.  

           “What was that, sweetie?” she asked, inwardly begging, Please say Bellamy, please say Bellamy.

           “I liked Daddy’s better,” Callie repeated as her eyes drifted shut, casual as could be. “He had dragons. I like dragons. Did the first Calypso have dragons, Daddy?”

           Clarke risked a glance at Bellamy’s face; it was taut and wide-eyed, but he managed to crack a sweet smile. “No, but she should’ve, right? Everything’s better with dragons.”

           “Right,” Callie agreed, and promptly fell asleep.

           There was a solid five seconds of silence as Clarke and Bellamy stared pointedly at Callie instead of each other, then Clarke steeled herself and spoke. “Um—it’s not late, yet. We could watch a movie. If you want.”

           “Yeah—movie. Okay.” Bellamy seemed as in shock as she was. That was a comfort, at least.

           So they watched a movie, barely speaking, with a few inches extra of space than usual and probably not even paying attention to the screen either. Clarke was too busy running every possible scenario in her head of what to do, and very few of them seemed to have positive outcomes. If she pretended to not know what had just happened, it would hang over them until she talked about it. But if she talked about it—geez, what could she even say? He’d either get scared away or they’d be living with the fact that Callie thought of Bellamy as her dad for the rest of their lives.

           Well, okay, maybe it wouldn’t be quite so dramatic. But still.

           When the movie ended, they sat in silence for a few minutes before Bellamy seemed unable to take the tension. “Clarke, about what Callie said...I don’t want you to feel weird or anything.”

           Clarke turned towards him with a sigh of resignation. “You’re fine. It’s not like it was your fault.” She thought about grabbing his hand and decided against it. “I’m sorry she....”

           “Don’t be,” he replied. Their knees were brushing.

           “Well, I am, so deal with it.” She caught his eye and smiled at him, and for a moment he smiled back, then it dissolved into a hard swallow.

           “It wasn’t the worst thing, you know,” he began, slow and unsure, “to be called Callie’s dad.”

           Clarke’s heart effectively leaped into her throat. All she could manage was, “Oh?”

           “Because she’s such a good kid, I mean,” Bellamy rushed to say. “If she thinks of me that way, I can’t be doing too badly, right?”

           “Right,” Clarke agreed, but her head was buzzing too much to say anything else. She wanted to hold his hands so badly. “What do we tell her?”

           Bellamy thought for a moment, running his hand through his hair. “Nothing. She’s a kid; she’ll figure it out.”

           His resigned tone caught Clarke off guard. “Bellamy, you have to know, I don’t want this to...change anything,” she said. Liar. “I mean, I don’t want you to feel like you have to act any differently.”

           Bellamy nodded tightly. “It’s okay. Callie just...misinterpreted our relationship.”

           The Raven-voice in Clarke’s head started screaming at her. I swear, if you don’t do something now when he left a perfect opening right there, I will limp all the way over there and— “What is our relationship?”

           Bellamy’s lips parted in shock, and it took everything in Clarke not to break eye contact. “Well—you’re my best friend,” he stammered at last. And I don’t want to endanger our relationship, even if....” He cut off, looking sharply at her and away; his jaw was clenched, the veins in his neck bulging.

           Clarke’s heart thumped fiercely in her chest. Bellamy didn’t just look nervous; he looked terrified, as if the next words she spoke could break him. She should’ve told him sooner. “Bellamy,” she said urgently, feeling her voice shake with a terror of her own. “Even if what?”

           He wouldn’t look at her. “It doesn’t matter. I just want to make sure—”

           Before he could continue and say some stupid thing about how he didn’t deserve love or he just wanted her to be happy (as if that could happen without him), Clarke grabbed his hands. His gaze jerked to hers, surprised; she gripped his shaking fingers tighter. “Bellamy. I—” But suddenly everything she wanted to say, all the speeches she’d been carrying around for months, dissolved at the tip of her tongue, and all she could do was look at him. The galaxy of freckles spanning his face. The scar above his lip, in almost the same spot as her own mark. The subtle shades in his eyes, spiraling into depths she could get lost in forever.

           I love you, she thought, but she was too afraid to say it. She had to do something, though, so she held his hands up to her face and pressed her lips to them.

           Bellamy’s fingers tightened under hers immediately; his skin was warm. She dropped their hands into his lap, but did not look up, even when she felt Bellamy move so close his breath fanned across her face when he spoke. “Clarke....”

           It was the way he said it, that reassured her most; like he was terrified but didn’t care, like he was prepared to die any moment if it meant whispering her name one more time. She lifted her head and their foreheads met, eyes closing.

           “There’s no one I would want it to be but you,” she murmured with a shaky voice. He was so near, and their noses were brushing; she couldn’t think. “I—I need you. Not just for Callie. I need—”

           He pressed his lips to hers.

           Clarke quickly disentangled her hands from Bellamy’s so she could wrap them around his neck, sifting his curls through her fingers. He steadied her face with a hand and gripped her waist with the other and it was so soft, so gentle, so insistent, she thought she would melt.

           “I love you,” she said between kisses, the words finally bursting through her rib cage with their intensity.

           “I love you, too, Clarke,” Bellamy murmured, tucking back a piece of her hair and looking at her like there was nothing else.

           An ache grew in Clarke’s chest, so warm and large she didn’t know how her body could manage it. He loved her. He loved her.

           And somehow, impossibly, she’d already known.

 --

“Clarke, are you done with it yet?” Bellamy whined from across the room. “It’s been forever.”

           “Patience, young one,” she replied as she finished her final touches on the pumpkin. “Shouldn’t you be busy over there anyway?”

           “First of all, you can’t call the person three years your elder ‘young one,’” Bellamy pointed out. “And second of all, Callie won’t do anything fun. She just wants to drive fake trucks into each other.”

           “Such is the life of a father,” she called back, grinning. Then she looked over her work and breathed out slowly, steeling herself. “Okay, done. Come...come see.”

           Bellamy was over in moments, and Clarke tried hard not to let her hands shake as she spun the pumpkin around so he could see the design. He looked it over, then glanced at her, then back again, looking on the verge of a thousand questions.

           “You keep telling me there’s not enough Callie for both of us,” Clarke said slowly. Breathe, Griffin, breathe. “Maybe this will settle the score.”

           He moved forward slowly, still unspeaking, fingers slightly outstretched. Knowing what he wanted, Clarke took his hand and placed it carefully on her stomach; she could feel the coolness of his ring through her shirt.

           “I promise I wasn’t hiding it from you,” she said when he had stared at her midsection for almost a minute and still had said nothing. “I just found out yesterday, and I wanted how I told you to be exciting, so....” She gestured vaguely to the pumpkin.

           “Any way you told me would’ve been exciting,” Bellamy murmured, resting his lips on her hair. “Clarke.... We’re having a baby. Our own baby.”

           “Our second,” Clarke corrected, and after kissing her profusely, Bellamy agreed.

#bellarke #bellarke fanfiction #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #bellamy x clarke #clarke x bellamy #the 100 #the 100 fanfiction #t100 #t100 fanfiction #bellarke modern au #kid fic #mom!clarke #dad!bellamy #halloween prompt #tate writes

[trenthix]

Salutatory Speech.

Salutatory Speech.

So as Salutatorian, I was told I would have to write a speech focused on the history… I find that a bit challenging, but here it goes.

A very long time ago, the universe did not exist. There was infinite mass and density, and said universe couldn’t take it, so there was a boom. A big bang of sorts…

Then in the late 90’s and early 2000’s we were born. One of us, in fact, was born on this very day. I want to wish Alicia Hernandez a happy birthday. (sing alicia happy birthday)

So we were born. Our worries were few, but substantial. Two of my personal struggles included catching the next spongebob episode and drinking chocolate milk too fast.

We started pre-school. My only memory from there is getting sick on one too many pigs in a blanket. We met some of our first friends here. Simple times.

2004 - Facebook was created.

2005 - Youtube was created.

Then we started Elementary school. I was at east ridge. Our worries here included getting the last breakfast pizza that was left over because “adam wasn’t here and he would want me to have it.” They included  obsessively cramming for spelling tests, memorizing multiplication facts,  and taking our first TAKS test. TAKS test. Feel old yet?

2006 - Twitter was created

We moved onto 4th grade at SIS… The turf wars began. And for the folks that don’t know, there were two different elementary schools that brought up Kindergarten through 3rd grade. And then these two schools would feed into SIS, Sweetwater Intermediate School. This was our world now. Where we came from defined a person… were you from east ridge, or were you from south east? And I’m ending the beef now, East Ridge was the better of the two. Only kidding! It didn’t matter. There were good things from both schools. I’m just glad that hating and judging people from where they’re from is only something 4th and 5th graders do.

I digress. We’d rack up AR Points ca ching! We’d party like the year we were born… Flamingo fling. Not many worries, but we were still in a hurry, learning about history and Martin Luther King. And those days remained romanticized because again, our biggest concerns only included passing a TAKS test and… our first puberty class.

2010 - Instagram was created

Speaking of puberty, here came middle school. Oh my God. Puberty was like Everyone telling you to look both ways before crossing the street to watch for cars and then a falcon swoops down from the sky and attacks you. Folks I thought that was it for us. As soon as coach Huskey said “Let’s go hit that creek” I recall thinking to myself “yeah I’m going to die in the next few hours.” I found my passion: Band. I also found what I thought was my passion: Football. I remember one day Kiante hit me and I was like “I don’t think I like this very much.” Life got real. Technology took off. We all got phones, social media, iPads. Remember how cool we thought we looked with all of our decent selfies  camwow retro logo in the bottom left? Instagram, Snapchat, facebook, tumblr (lowkey though), Jokebox, iFunny, Youtube, and for the first time, We stopped going to older people for help and we got online and googled it. We were the pioneer generation that was raised by technology. Surrounded by information in the times of our lives when we needed it the most. We began to comprehend the different weights of life. As a middle schooler I pulled a few all-nighters to finish projects and homework… I may or may not have procrastinated on. Our priority list was fine tuned. School and extracurricular were up there now. But memes, relationships, and social media were among them as well.

2012 - Vine was created

Then came High School. lots of smells in high school have you noticed that? The big room smells like shredded tires and hard work and dedication with a hint of Trent tears scattered here and there. You could always tell when bunsen burners were on because the science hall always smelled unpleasant. And Mrs. Melendez’s room when she would burn those Orange Buttercream Scenses that smell like fruity pebbles oh my god.

Smells like the big room, bunsen burners, teen spirit, and those scense’s are the things I think I’ll remember the most.

I learned a few important things in my time in High school that I’d like to share with you.

Freshman year I learned that if you’re unhappy in your situation, you have the ability to change it. Whether it be relationships, extracurricular, or any aspect of life, you can change it. I also learned that social media can be a cruel blackhole, that can distort views, reputations, and relationships. Even more so today. Tread carefully.

Sophomore year, I learned the true value of hard work thanks to Mrs. Judith Brentz. She taught us many valuable lessons, the most important being “how to use our heads for something more than keeping your ears apart.” I also got my first B… Thanks Mrs. Mac. I also got my second B… Thanks Mrs. Brentz. I also learned how to rid my life of toxic people, and for the first time I began to see the world for what it really was. All the variables, and the factors that can play into what, when, why, and how we think the things we think.

Junior year was the toughest for me. Between band, Round 2 of Brentz for chem 2, Coach Mayes, Work, and family…. It taught me that you can’t do everything you want to, and at the same time get enough sleep. I also learned that it’s healthy to rock the boat every now and then. You’ll either get humbled, humble someone else, or if conditions are just right, a healthy mix of the two.

I also learned probably the most important lesson I’ve learned thus far. This applies to everyone listening, Teachers, families, current students, etc. If you don’t get anything about my longwinded speech, please hear this.

My junior year, I stopped worrying about grades, and I started doing the best I could to learn and retain everything that was being taught to me. Numbers are just Numbers. But what we should understand is that we have the world’s most powerful computer between our ears, and once we start using it, we become unstoppable. There are people that will disagree with what I’m about to say, but stop trying ace tests. Stop trying to do the bare minimum to get by. Learn and retain the information, and those good grades will come. I guarantee it. And class of 2018, it’s not too late to apply to your lives. Whether you’re going to college or not, this is a fundamental principle that can be applied across the board, and I encourage you to do so.

Alright back to jokes.

My senior year I learned lots. Like how you can overcook a TV Dinner and still get food poisoning, ruining your chance for perfect attendance that year. Once I started seeing colleges I started learning how a world that I thought was so big is about a whole lot bigger. I learned that if you fall asleep exactly 47 minutes before the first bell, you’ll wake up and be in a sour mood the entire day. I learned that once people figure out that you’re doing a speech at graduation, everyone wants a shout out. I also learned that you can market shoutouts and get a headstart on paying tuition by selling them for a dollar a piece. I also learned that I should’ve thought of that sooner and not just the night before I gave the speech. Nobody bought shoutouts. (this was what was originally written, but nick gomez bought a shoutout lol)

But our priority list is strict now. When we have to be where and with who? Some of us are paying bills, we have to worry about finances, college tuition, student loans, our next meal, car payments, gas money, textbooks, toothpaste, medical, dental, water, electrical, internet, phone bills. Oh my God I thought I wanted to be an adult but this isn’t what I meant. Of course, those are all things we should be concerned about.

I for one have my priorities just a little bit different

My biggest worries are still catching the latest episode of spongebob and drinking chocolate milk at the right speed.

So welcome. I hope you enjoy tonight’s ceremonies. I’m going to wrap this up with a few thank yous, and we’ll get on with it.

Thank you God, for the many blessings you’ve laid upon my life as well as the blessings you’ve given my friends and family. I know I tick you off sometimes, so, I just ask that you’ll bear with me. I’m still learning

Thank you to my dad. You’ve taught me a lot. The most memorable being the wisdom you passed on from my grandmother in heaven… To never take life too seriously.

Thanks momma. You make me laugh like no one else can. And you get me the way no one else can. You can bet everything you say I’m gonna steal and make it my own. I love you.

Marlee, you’re the only one that gets me emotional anymore. I’m so proud of you. I once described you to a friend as a little packet of sunshine that grew arms, legs, and a face, and now you just walk around spreading happiness and joy. I’m glad you made your own path and didn’t follow in my footsteps. I know you’ll continue to make me proud with everything that you do.

Band - Thank you for giving me a place I belong. I’m odd, and yall were okay with it. Without you, I wouldn’t be standing up here.

Directors - Thanks for making me feel at home. I still cant wait to call yall by yall’s first names here in about an hour.

Teachers and Administrators - Thank you for bearing with me. I know I was a thorn in yall’s side from time to time with scandalous assignments and requests. And Mrs. Reyes and Mrs. Little… I made it.

(With the exception of what’s bolded, the other shoutouts made were ad-libbed and did not have a concrete order. I recall thanking other teachers, friends, and family, and shouting out nick gomez, lauren rodriguez, and trini and bell.)

And last but not least, I’d like to thank Jeff Stein and Richard Ferguson for keeping me on their staff after numerous hiccups on 96.7 FM, 1240 AM, KXOX. Good times, great country. For the job opportunity you’ve given me, you helped ease the financial stress that comes from being a poor high schooler, and a soon to be college student. I cant thank you enough.

And in closing. Heed this warning, everyone listening.

We are strong.

We are persistent.

We are mustangs.

We will go on.

We will succeed.

We will prosper.

We are coming.

We are graduating

We are the Class of 2018.

Thank you, and God Bless.

“Salutations” //Trent(on) Hicks. May 25, 2018

[carlybamf]

Thursday, March 23: G.B.F.

Well, here we are - Q-Week day 6! It’s hard to believe this week will come to a close tomorrow… but through my obsessive curation of this film festival of mine, I have planned quite a treat for us all to cap it off. Tonight, I bring you Darren Stein’s G.B.F. How have I not seen this movie before?!

Candidly: I had a bad day today, and to be honest, I started to feel myself resenting this project. Let’s be clear, the only person who assigned it was me - but I feel a sense of obligation to finish what I’ve set out to do. I even started referring to what I’m doing as “my little blog project.” Do you see how demeaning and self-defeating that is? Anyway, I was spiraling a little bit… mostly because I’m tired and cranky and tend to err on the side of self-doubt.

But do you know the best antidote to crankiness and negative internal dialogue? THIS MOVIE! G.B.F., you are a damn delight! After my viewing, I’m sitting here listening to the movie’s soundtrack on Spotify and feeling like I learned an important lesson - sometimes you just need a fun, silly movie to cheer you up. And if it happens to feature LGBTQ+ protagonists, all the better!

Here’s the Rotten Tomatoes recap du jour:

In G.B.F., social warfare erupts when three high school clique queens battle for supremacy: drama diva Caprice, Mormon princess ‘Shley and blonde fashionista Fawcett. When unassuming Tanner is outed, he finds himself cast as the hottest new teen-girl accessory: The Gay Best Friend. The clique queens immediately pounce and makeover Tanner into their ideal arm candy, forcing him to choose between popularity and the true friends - including his own B.F.F. Brent - that he’s leaving behind.

So, why did I watch this movie?

Well, let’s be honest - I’ve been STRONGLY recommended this one by countless of my very own G.B.F.s. I’ve even been promised that it’s “pretty much gay MEAN GIRLS,” so I’ll just admit that it was only a matter of time before I watched it.

Also, I’ve written multiple times about being as inclusive as possible when selecting this week’s films, and I really wanted to make sure to include comedy. Traditionally, in LGBTQ+ film, there is no shortage of drama. Perfectly illustrating this point is the list of films chosen by Brent’s mom (in a move of stunningly brilliant casting, played by THE Megan Mullally) for their LGBTQ+ movie night: MILK, BOYS DON’T CRY, BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, and (I guess to bring some lols…?) SHORTBUS.

Say it with me now: REPRESENTATION IS IMPORTANT! Just as it is necessary to tell and consume stories of queerness across the entire LGBTQ+ spectrum, as well as those of cultures across the world, it’s also SO important that some of them be comedies!

Was it any good?

In order to enjoy this film, you’ve got to accept it for what it is: a campy, not-quite-satirical-but-actually-quite-typical high school movie. Just like HEATHERS, MEAN GIRLS, or JAWBREAKER (also directed by Darren Stein!) you really can’t get too wrapped up in whether the portrayal of its characters is problematic, because often, that’s the joke. Now, for this week, I did insist that our films feature positive portrayals of queer characters - it just doesn’t always look the same.

That said, this movie actually has a lot to say about coming out, about friendship, and about family - themes I’m finding are popular go-tos in the genre of “queer coming of age.” If you can let yourself get lost in the silliness, it’s super fun - for future viewings, I may even make a MEAN GIRLS-reference bingo board.

But let’s not forget, coming-of-age movies are contractually obligated to make me tear up just a little bit, so I’m pleased to report that G.B.F. succeeded. There’s a really touching monologue delivered in voiceover by Tanner at the end that compares being in the closet to being in high school. Good stuff that makes you think: something I wasn’t expecting from this film. It’s a nice touch.

And now, if you’ll humor me, a tangent:

High school movies have a tendency to make me romanticize high school, but nine times out of ten, I’m able to remind myself that I’m much better off not reliving those years. At this point, I’m pretty immune. BUT. This movie struck me in a different way. Mostly because now, more than ten years later, it turns out that no less than four of my closest friends from high school are queer. And, if you can imagine it: most of us were super closeted in high school! I guess it just makes me kind of sad that so few of us felt like we could come out in high school - some of us, not even to ourselves. I find myself feeling almost robbed of my very own campy coming-out romp - or, at the very least, the chance to fight over landing the G.B.F…

We all have our own coming-out journeys, though. When I start to get really bummed out and self-indulgent, I can’t help but think of the high school students of today, and just how much has changed in a decade. I’m incredibly proud of how far we’ve come as a community, just in the time I can remember. Many years before that though, there were warriors putting in work - they’re the ones that helped me feel like I could come out by the time I was in grad school, and my generation owes a lot to them. I like to think they’re proud of us, too, for continuing their legacy the best way we know how.

But I digress.

Could this movie be about something else?

Uhh, maybe not. G.B.F. is about gay teens, and this story hangs its hat on that. If it does pass the Scranton Test, it’s by a narrow margin - I think we get a whole two mentions of Tanner liking comic books. I can appreciate the attempt in demonstrating something else going on in his life, but it’s a weak attempt. I’ll be the first one to admit that this movie was super fun - I’m feeling conflicted in my critique, just because I liked it so much! But, at the end of the day, it’s a Scranton-Test-fail. Taking no prisoners, I’m still going to insist that even in a campy, just-for-fun high school movie, LGBTQ+ characters still deserve more defining characteristics!

Regardless, this was a fun one. If you need to get out of a bad mood, or if they take MEAN GIRLS off of streaming services again, give this one a shot. Borrow my Netflix password.

#qweek2018 #G.B.F.

[mobile-modlete-blog]

Rui (@rui)

A photographer from South Africa.

V

's friend.

[Name]

Rui

[Personal info] He fell in love with a shirtless photo of Zenand began considering him his muse. Rumor says he owns Zen's fan page...

[Location]:

Casual Story Day 2 – 15:00 "Concerns from V and Zen"

Deep Story Day 3 – 20:01 "About the party"

[Email responses]:

It’s an extravagant and elegant party.

Olymbus X20

I recommend the heavy professional Ganon camera.

[Story] Zen: I have a lot more female fans but Rui's one of my few male ones. He brings his gigantic camera to every one of my shows and takes photos. He's really good at it.

Romance Novel Company (@romance)

An average looking romance novel writer.

[Name]

Zen Lover

[Personal info] Rumor says she unties her hair and transforms into something else when her imagination explodes.

[Location]:

Casual Story Day 2 – 20:05 "Romance novel company"

[Email responses]:

Of course.

Your One and Only Top Star

Kiss!

[Story] Jaehee: Most of the male protagonists in her romance novels seem to look like Zen. I was eager to hear about her next work. Thank you for inviting her.

LOLOL Association (@lolol)

When he's not gaming, he's an innocent lamb.

[Name]

LOLOL Da Bomb

[Personal info] He promotes sportsmanship despite his aggressive character in LoLoL.

[Location]:

Casual Story Day 3 – 03:04 "Unstoppable LOLOL"

Jumin Route Day 6 – 00:40 "I do not agree that marriage"

[Email responses]:

Dia

Of course lol

Play LOLOL together.

[Story] Yoosung: LOLOL has a bad reputation because of the few weird people, but everyone in the LOLOL Association is nice! They're like beasts in the game world, but innocent sheep in real life.

The Cultured Citizens Association (@culture)

The Cultured Citizens Association has fastidious requirements for joining.

[Name]

Cultured Citizens

[Personal info] They are interested in handsome corporate heirs, and although they pretend not to, they chase after Director Jumin Han.

[Location]:

Casual Story Day 3 – 10:50 "The person that has to be…"

Deep Story Day 3 – 02:59 "Zorro poster"

[Email responses]:

Borborry~

It is Verragamo

Flower bed of pretty boys.

[Story] Jumin: They call themselves cultured citizens, but they seem to be interested in young corporate heirs. But nothing bad will come out of being acquainted with them.

Lady of Bracelets (@bracelet)

The legendary lady who became a billionaire by selling bracelets.

[Name]

Luna

[Personal info] However, she still has a timid personality from the outcomes of a traumatic childhood.

[Location]:

Casual Story Day 3 - 13:05 "The Lady of Bracelets"

[Email responses]:

Don’t worry!

Lock U Up Silver Bracelet

Claw machines at the mall

[Story] 707: Jaehee's amazing. She's not exactly the person I was thinking about, but she seems fun, so yes!!

Women Artists Representative (@artwomen)

The chairwoman that thinks everyone should be trained to become artists at the age of 3.

[Name]

Artsy Moi

[Personal info] They carry baguettes under their hats.

[Location]:

Casual Story Day 3 – 17:56 "Zen is making a fuss"

Jumin Route Day 7 – 07:07 "I don’t believe him"

[Email responses]:

Monet

The Louvre

Cantabile

[Story] Jaehee: I think I'll have to study an awful lot to converse with these people. But I truly admire their professionalism.

Barista Association (@barista)

A man who's strict when it comes to coffee.

[Name]

Jungyeon Kim

[Personal info] He was once dumped on a blind date while explaining all the varieties of coffee beans.

[Location]:

Casual Story Day 3 – 23:00 "Yoosung is living alone"

[Email responses]:

Arabic coffee

Drip brewing

Italian

[Story] Jaehee: I drink coffee all the time, so I like him. I must ask for advice on how I can brew delicious coffee that will help me stay up all night.

Modeling Agency Representative (@model)

The representative of a model agency who is narcissistic.

[Name]

Christa Kim

[Personal info] Although he has retired, he frequently makes an appearance on runways and becomes the man of the hour.

[Location]:

Casual Story Day 3 – 23:00 "Yoosung is living alone"

Deep Story Day 4 – 15:15 "Zen’s imagination"

[Email responses]:

Of course

The chance to discover a gem

Your face reflecting off the eyes

[Story] Jaehee: A model agency... I strongly feel that he is quite like Zen. The female guests might be in danger if they come.

Oil Prince (@oil)

A middle east Oil Prince who likes Korean TV shows.

[Name]

Oil Prince

[Personal info] He plans to study Korean and write his own Korean TV script.

[Location]:

Casual Story Day 4 – 07:00 "Jaehee’s position"

707 Route Day 6 – 08:35 "I’m recovered!"

[Email responses]:

Fancy party! Lots of parking space!

Of course

Bald

[Story] Jumin: Although his Korean is yet to be fluent, he is quite funny once you talk to him. You must have seen the true value of the Oil Prince as well.

Homeless Rescue Team (@homeless)

A young man who strives to find homes for the homeless.

[Name]

[Personal info] Nickname: Cry baby. He cries a river every time one of the people he's helped comes to thank him.

[Location]:

Casual Story Day 4 – 09:05 "Seven mocks Yoosung"

[Email responses]:

Lot's of people with warm hearts.

Rice, soup, green salad, baked salmon, fried eggs

Selling small issue magazines

[Story] Zen: I was worried the party would be filled with rich boring people, but I'm glad you're choosing a variety of people.

TOEIC (@toeic)

Has a low TOEIC score, but never gives up and maintains a positive attitude.

[Name]

Juhyeok Lim

[Personal info] He is proficient in languages other than English and Chinese.

[Location]:

Casual Story Day 4 – 12:50 "I quit LOLOL"

Jumin Route Day 9 – 01:09 "Where is here T_T"

[Email responses]:

Everyone has small feet

Chinese

Nimtendo

[Story] Yoosung: It comforts me to be around my companions. I'm going to study with them so that I get a perfect score!

Youngest College Students (@education)

A group of geniuses who are all the youngest person to be accepted in their colleges.

[Name]

Genius Kim

[Personal info] He's recently opened his eyes to the charms of older women, so he's trying hard to look cool. He romanticizes shaving.

[Location]:

Casual Story Day 4 – 15:00 "No girlfriend"

[Email responses]:

There's this person called Jaehee...

games that give soda as a prize

it's because you're too smart

[Story] 707: Oh a genius... I have a pretty high IQ too! This will be a battle on who's smarter!

Lady of the Workbaskets (@niddle)

The sewing expert who knows which string to use without even touching the fabric.

[Name]

Weaver Kim

[Personal info] Her relationship started when she helped out someone who was having trouble from a certain button falling out.

[Location]:

Casual Story Day 4 – 17:04 "Found him."

[Email responses]:

Green

Long enough to do it with my eyes closed

Get a camel through the eye of a needle

[Story] Jumin: We have a very useful modern invention called the sewing machine. I must remember to ask her why she's adamant on using such an ineffective method.

Drop the Beat (@tradition)

They try very hard to produce records that can preserve and spread traditional music.

[Name]

Lad Old

[Personal info] His daily life consists of arguing with his brother who wants to become a rapper in the future.

[Location]:

Casual Story Day 4 – 19:18 "Are you really…"

707 Route Day 5 – 16:41 "Jumin…!!"

[Email responses]:

whoopee~~beat the drums~~

Whoopee

oh my dear sun~~lay your dear passion on us.

[Story] Jaehee: I heard it was extremely difficult exchanging emails with him. But at times, traditional music can being out more fun.

Meteor Study Club (@star)

A club that loves and studies meteorites.

[Name]

Eugene Lee

[Personal info] Her boyfriend asked her if she'd pick stars for him, and she told him the stars are actually more important than him. They're in a fight.

[Location]:

Casual Story Day 3 - 13:05 "The Lady of Bracelets"

[Email responses]:

Memories of my first kiss

I want to eat it

I have to make a wish

[Story] Yoosung: Thanks for inviting the person I suggested! She'll come to the party and ask me to join again, but they are emotional people so I'm not too against it, hehe.

People Affectionate Towards Cats (@catlover)

Completely drenched in the charms of cats, so they try to be more like them.

[Name]

Gina Kim

[Personal info] They study the language of cats to better talk to them.

[Location]:

Casual Story Day 4 - 22:00 "The game that starts again"

Jumin Route Day 9 – 09:43 "Plan"

[Email responses]:

Head meow!

Odd eye meow!

Crystal litter

[Story] 707: Meow! So happy they are coming! Zen will hate it but Seven meowie loves it!

LOLOL Guild Officer (@lololguilde)

An office worker by day, LOLOL guildmaster by night. A gamer with a double life.

[Name]

Gukil Kim

[Personal info] He's pretending to be a beginner because his boss is trying to start LOLOL. Currently thinking about wearing a mask when going to amateur competitions.

[Location]:

Deep Story Day 4 – 00:01 "Stay healthy!"

Casual Story Day 4 - 23:15 "Weird dream"

[Email responses]:

Headset

Focus on balance

Blood dragon

[Story] Yoosung: Isn't the guildmaster really funny? It's fun how different he is at work and with us. I wonder what he'll be like at the party?

Golf Company (@golf)

The owner of the golf clothing company who frequently golfs with Jumin Han.

[Name]

Yongnam Kim

[Personal info] Company motto: New and innovation are all the words that exist. Impossible doesn't exist.

[Location]:

Yoosung Route Day 5 – 03:22 "Robotic Assistant Kang"

707 Route Day 7 – 12:27 "New business idea"

[Email responses]:

Driver shape

Shoes that dry fast

Leather that doesn't wear out

[Story] Jumin: I'm glad all that golfing paid off. The company may be difficult for new employees, but the leadership is excellent.

Floppy Disk Collector (@floppy)

A crazy fan who will go across the earth to collect floppy discs.

[Name]

{{{Guest Name}}}

[Personal info] I don't want to be persuaded by flash drives, but I can't ignore their benefits. I almost gave up when I saw the floppy disc shaped USB drive.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 8 – 12:51 "Old party"

Yoosung Route Day 5 – 12:30 "Can I wind a spring?"

[Email responses]:

A rainbow colored floppy disk model

Windows 8.1 3711 disks

Obtain a limited edition cassette and hide it!

[Story] 707: I can't believe I finally get to meet someone who collects floppy disks. I want to take the ones I cherish and admire them with him.

Doctors with Conscience (@hospital)

A doctor who prioritizes his patients.

[Name]

Conscious Kim

[Personal info] He plans to go abroad to countries with ongoing civil wars to save more people.

[Location]:

Yoosung Route Day 5 – 15:43 "Zen with an injury"

707 Route Day 9 – 19:19 "What a relief"

[Email responses]:

Hippocratic oath

Request exam results

Comparing several hospitals

[Story] Jaehee: Zen always heals fast, but still, he made sure Zen wouldn't get a scar, so I must thank him at the party. A scar on Zen's body... It breaks my heart just imagining it.

Commercial Musical Supporters (@musical)

A group whose rule is to view 7 musical shows per day.

[Name]

Yeoni Kim

[Personal info] When they get excited, they unknowingly ♪. Her boyfriend determines her mood based on her singing.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 5 – 18:17 "Jumin+Cat=No"

Yoosung Route Day 5 – 20:11 "Jaehee worries about Zen"

Jaehee Route Day 7 – 21:26 "Adding more work"

[Email responses]:

Zen

The productions of "The Red Pepper was so Hot"

Get the help of college students

[Story] Zen: Jaehee's the one who recommended her, but they seemed to like my performances. I wanted to hear what they think, so thanks for inviting her.

Indies Independent Games Organization (@indie)

A passionate organization that creates indie games

[Name]

Kyeongsub Kim

[Personal info] They call Red Bull holy water. They are seriously considering putting Red Bull in their water cooler.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 6 – 17:49 "Why doesn’t MC go to Zen’s"

Yoosung Route Day 5 – 21:45 "The people who makes games"

707 Route Day 8 – 21:13 "I miss my mom"

[Email responses]:

How about Scheam?

Nameless

Why don't you participate in a game convention?

[Story] Yoosung: Wow did you really invite them? I thought they'd be too busy to come since not many people are working on the game. I knew you were amazing!

Cat Shelter (@catprotect)

A cat shelter organization created by cat moms.

[Name]

Shine Jang

[Personal info] One day, the cats caught several rats and arranged them in a heart shape to express their gratitude.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 5 – 16:56 "Jumin’s offer"

Yoosung Route Day 6 – 07:05 "Kitten"

Deep Story Day 2 - 02:11 "Expressing emotion"

[Email responses]:

Of course!

Give them food and wait.

Social media sites.

[Story] Jumin: First let me thank you for inviting the group that I suggested. So many more cats will become happy if more people find out about this shelter at the party.

Generic Fan Club (@genfanclub)

Zen's fan club. Rule: don't covet Zen.

[Name]

[Personal info] They frequently engage in keyboard battles with Zen's haters. They think it's an insult to call Zen's looks average.

[Location]:

Yoosung Route Day 6 – 09:55 "Who will be raising the kitten?"

Jaehee Route Day 5 – 21:01 "Jaehee and love"

[Email responses]:

Jumin’s cat

Jalapeno’s Photobook

Zen’s underwear

[Story] Zen: I was actually worried about inviting my fanclub. But the leader said such nice things about you. Thanks.

Longcat (@longcat)

The cat who has the longest torso in the world.

[Name]

Longcat

[Personal info] He sometimes folds his back when moving. He has such wise things to say, but it's a shame humans can't understand them.

[Location]:

Deep Story Day 4 – 13:10 "Religion"

Zen Route Day 5 – 23:00 "I’m on the side of cats"

Yoosung Route Day 6 – 14:30 "707 loves cats"

Jaehee Route Day 5 – 11:20 "A vicious enterpriser?"

[Email responses]:

Meowmeow,

Miumiumi!

Nyannyan!

[Story] Jumin: I heard it was really hard exchanging emails with him. Still you succeeded... so you must be able to talk with cats. Thank you for giving me the chance to meet Longcat.

Keyboard Research Facility (@keyboard)

Motto: pray everyone will be comfortable in front of a computer.

[Name]

Chuljung Kim

[Personal info] We hope to sell many products and one day sponsor a pro-gamer team.

[Location]:

Yoosung Route Day 6 – 19:50 "Just like Rika"

707 Route Day 6 – 10:22 "Spotlighted life isn’t bad at all"

[Email responses]:

Ergonomics

Ctrl+C

Movi

[Story] 707: The keyboard I'm using now didn't really feel right so I was looking for a new one. I should talk to the head researcher and get a new one. Thanks for inviting him!

Fair Film Festival Committee (@movie)

A film festival committee that judges all films with fairness.

[Name]

Jiyeon Kang

[Personal info] They spend 20 hours a day watching films. They've become concerned with their sight.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 6 – 03:13 "Please get better soon"

Yoosung Route Day 6 – 20:58 "Rika’s shadow"

Jaehee Route Day 6 – 21:12 "To Zen’s place"

[Email responses]:

A film about the environment.

Realism

Cannes, Venice, Berlin

[Story] Jaehee: They're usually so busy, I can't believe you managed to invite them... Amazing. I must make sure to spread the word about this committee to all the other guests at the party.

Tetris Champion (@tetris)

The Tetris champion from Amurakaraharubichoguxukearim Island.

[Name]

[Personal info] He headed towards land on a raft to play Tetris. He's been entering all kinds of contests to raise money are purchase a generator for his home island.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 6 – 16:00 "707’s secret!"

Yoosung Route Day 7 – 01:17 "Magician 707"

[Email responses]:

Of course!

Stick

At the party.

[Story] Yoosung: Will Seven be okay if he comes? They can't get into a fight or anything. A gamer should always see the end of a battle inside the game!

Assistant Human Rights Committee (@secretary)

A committee that fights for the rights of assistants who are considered 'subordinates'.

[Name]

Jaehee Lee

[Personal info] They are currently having a lively debate about whether or not to hire an assistant to help assistants.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 7 – 19:40 "As a fan"

Yoosung Route Day 7 – 09:50 "Jaehee, before going to work"

Jaehee Route Day 5 – 19:00 "Life that pursuits happiness"

707 Route Day 8 – 19:29 "Inefficient way"

[Email responses]:

He is Very practical.

More than enough.

Just your normal attire

[Story] Jaehee Kang: This committee has given a good review of Mr Han. I think quite differently... They'll get to see him in person at the party and then make a proper judgment.

Wine Owners (@wineowner)

He is always drunk and is quite difficult to communicate with.

[Name]

Yoonsung Kim

[Personal info] His daughter said, "One time, my husband got drunk, and I'd never seen such a normal and scary dad."

[Location]:

Deep Story Day 4 – 20:02 "Been to the grape farm"

Zen Route Day 7 – 18:00 "Zen’s discrimination"

Yoosung Route Day 7 – 17:32 "Advice from Jumin"

[Email responses]:

Red wine.

Ice wine.

Jumin

[Story] Jumin: He's always drunk so his emails must have been full of typos, but you managed to read them. I think you'll be quite good at code breaking as well.

Upcoming Writers Association (@writer)

A shrewd and stubborn new writer.

[Name]

Jia Kang

[Personal info] Every time she presents her work, people say to her, "Your taste will only work in space, outside of Earth."

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 7 – 23:40 "Unstoppable feelings"

Yoosung Route Day 7 – 19:19 "Zen’s relief"

Jaehee Route Day 6 – 16:16 "Stalker? or imaginary friend?"

Jumin Route Day 6 – 12:22 "Stop cat business"

[Email responses]:

Art organizations will be joining.

XOXO forever ur lovely #1 star✩

Flies off to space.

[Story] Zen: They're all new so they're very unique. They don't have the maturity as writers yet, but they have a lot of fun ideas so everyone will love them at the party.

Men of Monogamy (@monogamy)

A group of men who loves just one person in their lives.

[Name]

Kanghyung Kim

[Personal info] His girlfriend is also as devoted as he is.

[Location]:

Deep Story Day 4 – 18:30 "Yoosung’s life mission"

Zen Route Day 5 – 14:42 "Echo girl? OMG"

Yoosung Route Day 7 – 22:00 "The feelings for [name]"

Jaehee Route Day 7 – 00:45 "My heart is beating!"

[Email responses]:

Personalized framed cross-stitch

Buy her handcuffs.

Give her a bouquet of Jasmines.

[Story] Yoosung: These men tend to get a bit aggressive when they get excited, but I think you helped them calm down. I think we'll really be able to connect at the party. So excited.

Guards In Taekwondo Uniform (@security)

"I will risk my life to protect those who need my protection!"

[Name]

Mountain Keurm

[Personal info] When they were first deciding on their uniforms, it was between the Taekwondo uniform or the Korean topcoat. They had to take a vote.

[Location]:

Yoosung Route Day 8 – 11:43 "The place that Zen lives…"

Jaehee Route Day 8 – 03:32 "Worried Zen"

Jumin Route Day 6 – 08:30 "Leisurely morning"

[Email responses]:

Korea

Because it’s cool

Gold

[Story] Zen: To be honest, bodyguards shouldn't be noticeable, but still, they are that good at their jobs. So I think it's okay for them to wear those. I think a lot of people will ask for them after the party.

Making Pancakes Cats Can Eat Committee (@pancake)

"Even cats should have the opportunity to eat delicious food!"

[Name]

Merissa

[Personal info] Once they succeed in creating the pancakes, they plan to move on to developing fish-shaped buns for cats.

[Location]:

Yoosung Route Day 8 – 17:50 "Seven’s pressure"

Jumin Route Day 5 – 10:30 "About this hacker…"

[Email responses]:

Silvervine

Salmon fish sauce

Fish-shape

[Story] Jumin: Cats have the right to enjoy a variety of food just like humans. In that sense, this organization is excellent. 707 is the one who suggested it, but I admit he did a good job.

Banker (@banker)

A banker who has lots of suspicion over others and loves money.

[Name]

Alred

[Personal info] He has a very good voice and makes others feel like he will double your investment.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 6 – 14:58 "About visiting Zen"

Yoosung Route Day 8 – 22:10 "Current situation"

Jaehee Route Day 8 – 15:02 "Don’t work too hard on this"

[Email responses]:

100% interest rate

Swiss Bank

$1.2 million all in cash.

[Story] Jumin: He can be quite picky and bothersome at times, but that's a huge plus when you are dealing with money. I project that he will acquire many more customers at the party.

Angre Kim (@designer)

A designer who took over the world with his unique style.

[Name]

Angre Kim

[Personal info] He grew up in Korea without ever studying abroad. Even he doesn't know where his strange accent came from.

[Location]:

Yoosung Route Day 9 – 10:41 "Shocking Facts"

Zen Route Day 9 – 16:11 "I will be okay again"

[Email responses]:

Hawk Pose

Shiny White

Silk underwear with scarf

[Story] Zen: So, what do you think about this designer? Isn't Angre funny? I'm already excited at what he'll wear for the party, haha.

Doctor Lee (@doclee)

The legendary opthamologist who made a deal with the "Devil of Medicine".

[Name]

Doctor Lee

[Personal info] He met the Devil of Medicine when he was in the 8th grde. The only illness he can't heal is the 8th Grade Syndrome where you are perpetually stuck in the mind of a pubescent boy...

[Location]:

Yoosung Route Day 9 – 18:00 "People waiting"

707 Route Day 6 – 21:00 "It was for Yoosung"

[Email responses]:

The seal is unlocked!!!

Black

The rise of the fire dragon slumbering within the eyes!!!

[Story] 707: The reason why I wear glasses is to seal my powers... hahahaha Doctor Lee is so funny. I want to talk to him wearing a blindfold~

Christmas Nolan (@nolam)

Director Christmas Nolan, the one who directed those famous films.

[Name]

Christmas Nolan

[Personal info] He plans to direct the adaptation of Tandelion in the near future.

[Location]:

Yoosung Route Day 9 – 19:03 "Zen is left alone"

Jumin Route Day 8 – 09:55 "A bolt from the blue"

[Email responses]:

Baleman

Onthestellar

Leonardo Dicapuccino

[Story] Yoosung: NO WAY!! Christmas Nolan is coming?! I'm a huge fan. I'm definitely getting his autograph.

Tiaranol (@medicine)

The sales associate for Tiaranol.

[Name]

Tairanol

[Personal info] He won't accept any other answer than Tiaranol.

[Location]:

Yoosung Route Day 10 – 03:13 "Wish for the best"

Jaehee Route Day 9 – 08:43 "Assistant Kang"

707 Route Day 5 – 08:40 "What you two have in…"

[Email responses]:

Maybe… maybe… Tiaranol?

It’s Tiaranol.

TIARANOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Story] Jumin: The sales manager for Tiaranol is known for his unique sales technique. At first you think he's trying to mess with you, but I heard it's quite effective.

LOLOL Championship Host (@creamroll)

The host for the LOLOL World Championship Tournament.

[Name]

Softie

[Personal info] They secretly hope that Hacker God, who's ranked number 1, will participate in the tournament.

[Location]:

Jaehee Route Day 5 – 01:22 "I can’t control myself"

[Email responses]:

The rock band Image Mythical Creatures

Limited edition title change ticket.

Create a banner of the winner.

[Story] Yoosung: So you gave advice to Soft Roll? So your opinions are going to implemented in the next Cream Roll? Tell me what you told them!!

Cherry Farm (@cherryfarm)

Once you start talking with him, you find yourself ordering cherries without knowing..

[Name]

Cherry Farm

[Personal info] He's quite anxious these days as his daughter's started complaining about getting sick of cherries. His cousin owns a winery.

[Location]:

Jaehee Route Day 5 – 23:04 "Jumin back from the business…"

Jumin Route Day 5 – 17:16 "Did you see a woman?"

[Email responses]:

Green

Poke it with a straw!

Diamond

[Story] 707: Thanks to you talking with the owner of Cherry Farm, we get to eat a bunch of cherries at the party, right? You're awesome!

National Freeze University Tuition (@college)

President of the National Freeze University Tuition Committee

[Name]

Young Kim

[Personal info] He's concerned about how his hair's been growing very slowly since he shave his head. Rumor say he's been noogling all night.

[Location]:

Jaehee Route Day 6 – 01:11 "I can’t control myself"

[Email responses]:

Noon

Yellow and black

Candlelight

[Story] Jaehee: I'm sure a lot of university students will see the benefit when many people come to support the committee due to the party. I think you've helped them take a big step forward.

Coffee Roastery Association (@roastery)

Wherever he was remains the strong aroma of coffee.

[Name]

Taehee Kim

[Personal info] He always carries coffee beans in his pocket, and one day, the pocket was torn open and he unknowingly left his traces on the road like Hansel and Gretel.

[Location]:

Jaehee Route Day 6 – 12:31 "New project"

707 Route Day 8 – 09:55 "The truth of the special"

[Email responses]:

Antigua

Whole beans

15 days

[Story] Jaehee: I had a lot of questions concerning coffee beans. I should write down the questions and ask them at the party.

Hackers Chasing Hackers (@hacker)

Hackers chasing hackers. Current target: 707

[Name]

Hacker the Joker, Code GAGA

[Personal info] vs707 976 battle 976 lost currently about to begin the 977th battle. Naive. They once fell for 707's prank and received a commendation certificate after donating $10,000 to 707.

[Location]:

Deep Story Day 4 17:07 "Hacker is dangerous"

Jaehee Route Day 6 – 13:55 "Someone must be chasing us"

707 Route Day 5 – 23:47 "Perhaps my head is broken"

[Email responses]:

Lucky Kim (whispers)

He’s an oldie, 80 years old.

Not Grandma! Grandmother!

[Story] 707: Heard you totally got them! High five! Hahaha, what prank should I pull off next~?

Tom (@tom)

Seven's neighborhood friend. Tom's just a normal guy, but his uncle has psychic dreams.

[Name]

Tom

[Personal info] He called Seven Jerry. He desperately hopes for his uncle to dream of him getting a job.

[Location]:

Jaehee Route Day 7 – 10:48 "I need to rest!"

Jumin Route Day 8 – 17:22 "Jumin’s change"

[Email responses]:

Call the zoo!

Stock prices of peach drinks going up.

It means your grades! Two Fs!!

[Story] 707: My friend Toooooom~ I was actually worried that you wouldn't invite him, but thanks to you, I'll get to hang out with my friend! Why don't you become friends with him too?

Cat Hotel (@cathotel)

The owner of Meowtel, the cat hotel.

[Name]

Gretz

[Personal info] He loves cats so much that he has a separate room filled with cat related merch. He always carries around his cat doll, "Meowie".

[Location]:

Jaehee Route Day 7 – 12:30 "Cat hotel"

Jumin Route Day 7 – 21:58 "Just two of them at this dark"

[Email responses]:

Cat buffet

How about people putting on a show?

Cat limousine!

[Story] Jumin: Thanks to your help, I think we'll finally have a high class cat hotel. I'll have to stay there with Elizabeth 3rd the day it opens.

Driver Kim (@kim)

Jumin's chauffeur.

[Name]

Driver Kim

[Personal info] A legendary racer who won all the racing tournaments with his 'Adult Car Honk Honk". When he's alone, he calls Honk Honk his partner.

[Location]:

Jaehee Route Day 7 – 13:46 "NO WAY!"

[Email responses]:

Compete with your son.

Drifting!

The car from when you were young Pong!

[Story] 707: Battle between father and son!! Racing for a stable future and dreams! OMG~ I want to go see!

Students Living Alone (@oneroomer)

Representative of the group 'Students Living Alone' where they share tips.

[Name]

Independence Kim

[Personal info] His parents are actually very rich. He lives alone to become independent from them.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 8 – 03:15 "Zen’s new work"

Jaehee Route Day 8 – 22:57 "Go Jaehee!"

[Email responses]:

To the freezer!

Bubblewrap on the window.

Fried rice.

[Story] Zen: To be honest, all I do at home is sleep. I should get some tips and use the good ones.

Smartphone Addiction Prevention (@smartphone)

The representative of the Smartphone Addiction Prevention Committee.

[Name]

Analog Lee

[Personal info] Currently developing a device that gets rid of electromagnetic waves. Retail price: 50 cents.

[Location]:

Jumin Route Day 7 – 14:00 "What’s going on with him?"

Jaehee Route Day 9 - 02:48 "Work is done!"

[Email responses]:

Leave the phone outside.

Leave battery half charged

Popcorn brain

[Story] Jaehee: It was very unlike Luciel to recommend a group that works for the public good. Why don't you also try staying away from your smartphone when you're not talking with us?

Pious Sons (@hyoja)

The representative of the Pious Son Committee. They use a lot of proverbs.

[Name]

John Doe

[Personal info] They're currently studying new slang terms to talk with their friends. They were so shocked and almost froze when they heard the new term referring to metrocards.

[Location]:

Jaehee Route Day 9 – 11:30 "Support and care"

707 Route Day 6 – 14:39 "JUMIN!!!!!T_T"

[Email responses]:

Filial piety

Confuscious

Be healthy

[Story] Yoosung: I heard they use old proverbs all the time when talking.. I guess if you can learn more about how to be better to your parents... that kind of trouble is nothing, right?

Quit Smoking Support (@smoker)

They decided to quit smoking after more places became non-smoking zones.

[Name]

Ei Ei

[Personal info] It's actually because he was recently dumped by his girlfriend because of the cigarette smell.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 6 – 10:13 "Released Zen"

707 Route Day 7 – 10:40 "We are moving!"

[Email responses]:

A man’s word is his bond!

Your girlfriend will love that!

You’ll be useless if you give up now.

[Story] Zen: I guess I should look at my companions and do better. I'll quit after this one, just one more. Okay?

Wrong Majors (@wrongmajor)

Worried about their majors not fitting with their aptitudes. Currently searching for a new dream.

[Name]

Lost Kang

[Personal info] He's ignoring his parents who constantly nag him to become a government official and is currently planning a backpacking trip abroad.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 7 – 11:00 "Fear for the future"

Jumin Route Day 7 – 09:18 "Shocking news"

[Email responses]:

What are you interested in these days?

Who said it’s too late?

Convince your parents.

[Story] Jaehee: I admire how they are striving to overcome an unexpected change in direction. I should be more like them.

Mummy (@mira)

A mummy awoken from deep slumber. Many people still remember her after her death.

[Name]

Mimmy

[Personal info] After hearing that the gatekeeper Anubis had feelings for her, she's been thinking about him more and more.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 7 – 21:12 "VN after Let’s invite Mummy"

Jumin Route Day 10 15:26 "Errorrrr in my head'

[Email responses]:

Pink bandage

Coffin with lace all around

Life size marble statue of Pharaoh

[Story] 707: The one who lives a life unforgotten by others even after death... I'll finally get to meet her!

Allergy Research Center (@allergy)

The head of a research center that can cure allergies by manipulating DNA.

[Name]

Alphonso

[Personal info] He's revealed that all the pills they've released so far are just aspirin pills with different color coatings for the placebo effect.

[Location]:

Deep Story Day 2 – 06:55 "Cat business"

[Email responses]:

Cat allergy.

Beef and seaweed soup.

I might be allergic to guests not attending the party.

[Story] Zen: Thank you so much. The head researcher is coming all because of you, so I really need to thank you first.

Finance Expert (@frank)

A finance expert who became the king of saving through consistent habits.

[Name]

Frank

[Personal info] His favorite smell is the smell of money. Every day feels like a blessing after getting a job at the bank.

[Location]:

Deep Story Day 2 – 11:50 "Rich people"

[Email responses]:

All to the bank!

Bank passbook.

We split it up.

[Story] Jaehee: I wanted to check if I was doing a good job at saving before employing my funds, so this is great timing. Thank you.

Forever Alone Association (@solo)

A group of forever alones. Way to leave the group: Date someone.

[Name]

Youngsoo Kim

[Personal info] Everyone congratulates those who leave, but nonetheless anxious about being the last remaining member.

[Location]:

Deep Story Day 2 – 18:10 "Tsk tsk"

[Email responses]:

Hi, I’m Youngsoo. I got your number through Chulsoo.

Wear a watch!

Asking is not a challenge but a confirmation.

[Story] Yoosung: Thank you so much for inviting this group. They must be so lonely! I'm not the one to say this, but we should help them!

Lamb Skewers (@lame)

Zen's friend who was in a motorcycle gang with him. He now owns a lamb skewers place.

[Name]

Haejung

[Personal info] He's watched all of Zen's shows, but he's embarrassed to say it. His username for Zen's fan site: 'Don't you dare touch Zen'.

[Location]:

Deep Story Day 2 – 22:00 "Romance expert"

[Email responses]:

Call the police!

Say hello!

I think you’ll give them a kick in the butt.

[Story] Zen: Haejung must really like you. He said he'd have used you as his right hand if he were still in the gang.

Matchmaker of Love (@uranai)

A double-faced and self-centred matchmaker.

[Name]

Psychic Moon

[Personal info] Even while matchmaking she's looking for the perfect bride for her only son. The only requirement is being rich. But he already has a secret girlfriend.

[Location]:

Deep Story Day 3 – 09:58 "Love records of RFA"

[Email responses]:

So much time!

C&R Director

Old man under the moon

[Story] Yoosung: Well, I have a lot of time. Do you think she can find someone for me? I want to talk to her first!

Chef RamG (@chef)

One of the best chefs in the world famous for his foul mouth.

[Name]

RamG, Lamsay

[Personal info] But he is very kind when teaching cooking to young children. When his sous-chef saw him being so kind, he was so shocked he dropped a bunch of plates.

[Location]:

Deep Story Day 3 – 12:02 "Lunch"

Jaehee Route Day 8 – 10:17 "Relaxing cafe"

[Email responses]:

3 cups, chef

You mix as if you’re cutting, chef

20 minutes

[Story] 707: Wow!! I finally get to eat RamG's food? I'm so excited!!

CEO of BIC Pens (@monnami)

The CEO of BIC who loves his company.

[Name]

Pen Hemingway

[Personal info] A pen from a different company was recently found in their office and he's searching for the perpetrator.

[Location]:

Deep Story Day 3 – 15:15 "Their life"

[Email responses]:

the best of all pens in the nation, BIK.

Sear the end with a lighter.

Classic is best.

[Story] Jaehee: BIC pen... It's cheap and good, so I used it a lot while studying. Perhaps I should get his autograph with one.

Stock Know-it-all (@stock)

The stock expert who turned 30 cents to 30 million dollars.

[Name]

Knowit All

[Personal info] Even since hearing that Director Juman Han is planning a large business on cats, he's seriously considering selling his C&R share.

[Location]:

Deep Story Day 3 – 18:59 "WMisson WHoney BuddhaW"

[Email responses]:

Tell them to invest in stocks.

Not lose money

Chief Assistant Jaehee Kang

[Story] Jumin: You've managed to invite the stock expert. I have a place I'm thinking of investing... I must ask for his advice.

Mr. Choi (@naming)

A strange man who makes a living naming the pets at Yoosung's school.

[Name]

Mr. Choi

[Personal info] He recently received an order to name 400 fish, so he is in his happy place.

[Location]:

Deep Story Day 4 – 11:45 "Unknown fact"

[Email responses]:

Luciel.

Your selected name

Jihae

[Story] 707: I change names all the time, so I was running out of new ones. I should ask him for one!!

VFC (Fried Chicken) (@chicken)

The owner of a fried chicken place that's managed to stay on top despite the fierce competition.

[Name]

[Personal info] He is currently having a difficult time dealing with the fact that his daughter is dating the son of his competitor.

[Location]:

Jumin Route Day 5 – 13:40 "Yoosung going to the class"

[Email responses]:

I saw it on Metube!

The face of a generous looking grandfa... I mean, you, the owner!

Cheese sprinkled.

[Story] Yoosung: I heard you can smell fried chicken when he passes by. Do you think that's true?

Fair Reporters Association (@press)

A reporter who delivers the news as fairly as possible.

[Name]

Fair Kang

[Personal info] He's currently thinking about how he can deliver his mother and his wife's thoughts while preventing a fight between them It's more difficult than reporting the news.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 9 – 23:10 "Zen’s press conference"

Jumin Route Day 5 – 19:00 "Marriage should be…"

[Email responses]:

Netizens

Law to protect reporters

That is private.

[Story] Jumin: To people like us, the media can easily become our enemy, but someone from the Fair Reporters Association.. I'd like to meet him.

Wedding Planner (@marc)

A wedding planner whose specialty is unique weddings.

[Name]

Mark

[Personal info] One time, both the bride and groom fell in love with Marc while planning the wedding and had to break off the engagement. Marc's only flaw.

[Location]:

Jumin Route Day 5 – 22:59 "My dream, the cat wedding…"

[Email responses]:

Bae screen wedding

Tripter Tript invitations

Screenshot function!

[Story] Zen: A unique wedding... I don't have anyone yet, but I want to get married soon someday~ Maybe I should talk to him?

Cry Only (@emotion)

A phone customer service representative who can deal with any client, as if wearing a mask.

[Name]

Cry Only

[Personal info] Reason why he married his wife: she was the only woman who could see through that mask.

[Location]:

Jumin Route Day 6 – 19:20 "Here is not Jumin’s diary"

707 Route Day 7 – 09:32 "Sentimental morning"

[Email responses]:

I wanted to help you.

I want to go see a movie but I don’t have anyone to go with. What do I do?

I really hope you come to our party.

[Story] Jumin: I feel like you invited him to teach me emotions, but you called someone who's masted their emotions? I think we'll actually get along very well.

Love Commenter (@badcomment)

The committee was established to lessen hate comments and increase love comments on the internet.

[Name]

Love Commenter

[Personal info] They couldn't decide if "Long live your mother" is a hate comment or a love comment; The issue remains unresolved.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 8 – 22:00 "People talk but…"

Jumin Route Day 7 – 18:00 "Big news… T_T"

[Email responses]:

1.0.0.1

I’ll look forward to your next video! :)

Report them

[Story] Jumin: I've maintained my rule of simply ignoring hate comments, but it seems nice to change them into love comments.

Narcissist Clinic (@narcissist)

The president of a clinic that treats narcissists. (He is currently going under treatment himself.)

[Name]

Lake Na

[Personal info] The roses behind his back are apparently real. He can't let go of his mirror.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 8 – 18:53 "The meaning of families"

[Email responses]:

Treatment of getting locked up in a room of mirrors.

He takes a lot of selfies.

Lake Na

[Story] Zen: You want to treat me? I'm not being narcissistic when I say I'm handsome. It's the truth.

Netizen (B1ack*Cat) (@netizen)

The online investigator who corrects wrong information.

[Name]

[Personal info] He thinks his family doesn't know, but they actually know everything.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 9 – 09:37 "When Zen and Jumin first met"

[Email responses]:

Yes, there is injustice going on so please come to our party and help us!

There’s no story of a magic girl who’s not violent.

It’s cool… Completely suits you :)

[Story] 707: How does the online investigator seek justice? I think we'll have a very fun debate about this.

Detective Sherlocking (@detective)

The private investigator Sherlocking who'll reveal the truth on any mysterious case.

[Name]

Sherlocking

[Personal info] As they always say, the husband is last to know. He's completely unaware of thetfact that his assistant Watt is his enemy, Nupin.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 10 – 11:47 "Jumin’s complaint"

Jumin Route Day 9 – 19:04 "Things we saw"

707 Route Day 7 – 14:58 "Unbelievable"

[Email responses]:

I know the vanished seven treasure islands.

Yoosung’s LOLOL exploration.

Chief Assistant Jaehee Kang

[Story] Jaehee: I must ask Sherlocking to retrieve my lost vacation days.

God (@god)

The God of Genesis whose fuel is sunlight.

[Name]

[Personal info] He's lived in the human world so long that he likes to shop for groceries at Kostco. His neighbors just think that he's a weird old man.

[Location]:

Zen Route Day 9 – 19:52 "Suspicious Echo girl"

707 Route Day 9 – 13:28 "Keep it cool"

[Email responses]:

Wow! Amazing that I get to talk to God!

I am your daughter.

I think you’ll walk into the party room like a normal person

[Story] Yoosung: If I meet the God of Genesis, I'm going to ask him to make me number 1 in LOLOL!

Vampire (@vampire)

The author of Romanian Vampire, currently out of print.

[Name]

[Personal info] A vampire who's perfectly adapted to the modern world, nowadays grown interested in the entertainment spots and clubs beloved by the youth.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 2 - 15:24 "Recommendation of Trust"

[Email responses]:

Carry Blood Packs

House within the city

A pair of modern and chic suits!

[Story] Jumin: He's living more of a modern life than I thought... I wanted to hear how he changed like this.

Pluto (@pluto)

The celestial body Pluto, lonely and troubled due to its exile from the solar system.

[Name]

[Personal info] Had a gathering with friends from the solar system. Cried upon hearing that everyone misses their old friend.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 2 - 18:26 "The Universe and the Sun"

[Email responses]:

No I'm not!

Hades

Kerberos

[Story] 707: Sad Pluto... Pluto was so happy from people who accepted it as is...

Udon (@udon)

The Udon that is sold more than 1.2 million bowls per day.

[Name]

[Personal info] The sales increased to 1.4 million bowels per day. Currently ranked 1st in world noodle sale.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 2 - 20:13 "Party at Saturn?"

[Email responses]:

Yes! I want to eat you!

Go 180, stir-fried udon!

Emphasize it's good for them.

[Story] Jumin: Looked mouthwatering... I can understand how popular it is. Since I couldn't try it this time, next time I must...

Fairy of Cleaning (@cleaningfairy)

The fairy of cleaning, a graduate of SEVENSTAR special education.

[Name]

[Personal info] Owns 1st rate certificates in world spacing, climbing high up the ladders, and making star-shaped candies.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 3 - 07:00 "Take Care of Your Health"

[Email responses]:

Must be a machine, not fairy magic!

This is getting embarrassing...

Spy training school

[Story] 707: DIDN'T THE FAIRY OF CLEANING TALK VERY LOOOUD?? I SOMETIMES HAVE A HARD TIME UNDERSTANDING!!

Backpack Monster (@bpmonster)

A rookie musical actor who plays Pickachoo in Bacpack Monsters

[Name]

Jihoo

[Personal info] Backpack Monsters 2 became a major hit, allowing him the Broadway stage and win the award for Rookie of the Year.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 3 - 09:13 "Back in the Days"

[Email responses]:

Experienced electric shock

You shouldn't miss the chance!

What's wrong with that?

[Story] Zen: After listening to you, I was kind of embarrassed and proud at the same time when I met the newbie. I shall be an exempary actor from now on.

Smug (@darkdragon)

The dark dragon misunderstood as the god of the power of youth.

[Name]

[Personal info] Has had a crush on his childhood friend named Light Dragon for 8 centuries. Started to make jokes on the power of youth, and Light Dragon started to take a liking in him.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 3 - 14:09 "Small Cute Adorable"

[Email responses]:

I think it's cool! Of course you can!

Smug, the light and hope of adolescent conceit!

Dark dragon Smug is also the symbol of strength!

[Story] 707: Gaa... the black dragon Smug is twitching... I've barely managed to make it fall asleep at today's party... but what'll happen next time... I'm afraid of myself...

Hyunwoo Lee (@normal)

The Younger brother of a part-timer at a flower shop next to a friend of a person whose father is an airplane pilot.

[Name]

[Personal info] Recently started to be lost in thoughs, ever since realizing the definition of ordinary differs from person to person. Perhaps my life could be special to someone else...

[Location]:

Another Story Day 3 - 14:09 "Small Cute Adorable"

[Email responses]:

Rich enough to fill the swimming pool with money

There's also a celebrity coming!

Have you met a hacker before?

[Story] Jaehee: Thinking about it.... The pilot who's my brother's part-time flower shop neighbor's friend's dad is not a brother but a person that's not related to me in any way.

Dr. Metallystrong Han (@neuropsychiatry)

A neuropsychiatry with a peculiar sense of fashion

[Name]

[Personal info] The best-seller said to ask myself two questions if there is one problem, for the purpose of in-depth investigation. First, why do you find something problematic? Second, what will happen if an answer to the first question is simulated?

[Location]:

Another Story Day 3 - 23:07 "Another Level of Salvation"

[Email responses]:

Freud

Dreams

Schizophrenia

[Story] Jaehee: Freud.. it was really difficult. But I keep listening to him talk and wasn't boring at all. Is itbecause of the vivid outfit...?

Richkid Na (@chickendelivery)

A fried wings deliveryman who wears chicken suit due to his absurdly handsome face.

[Name]

[Personal info] His own family made an order, and he made a mistake by opening the door lock instead of ringing the bell. His parents almost fell unconscious upon the sight of a chicken head atop his shoulders.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 4 - 02:34 "What's Wrong?"

[Email responses]:

1200~ 1400 won

Press the stop button

Goshiwon

[Story] Zen: If he wanted to, he could become a really good actor. Good luck studying about society!!

C Language (@clanguage)

C language, the classics language among the programming languages.

[Name]

[Personal info] "Hello, world!" is its most confident remark. But nowadays it's starting to feel nervous since other languages seem to get more popular.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 4 - 18:42 "Mask Made of Glass"

[Email responses]:

Hello World

D.Ritchie

Trust the programmer

[Story] 707: Looking at Language C, it reminded me that I also started to learn computer programming from Language C. You have no idea how excited I was with "Hello world".

Conqueror of Costumes (@costume)

The lord of costumes who collects LOLOL costumes

[Name]

[Personal info] Met my wife during a round of LOLOL. Taking her hand to an internet café on weekends is the small blessing of my life.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 4 - 20:10 "Zen's Worrisome Looks"

[Email responses]:

Never played main hero with gorgeous clothes

Player's mentality stats have increased by +10

Take part in costume contests

[Story] Yoosung: I want to collect costumes as well. It's only been recent that I started playing LOLOL but I get outraged that I don't have the old limited edition costumes.

Mr. Ticktock (@watchmaster)

The British watchmaker who's currently studying how to go back in time.

[Name]

[Personal info] Found a pocket watch my beloved left behind. Wept upon seeing the picture of us during our youth that was safeguarded inside.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 5 - 07:30 "Trust"

[Email responses]:

Bezel

Minute hand 24 times, hour hand 2 times

To meet someone you love

[Story] Jumin: If I can go back in time... I would go back to the time that Rika died... no... back to the time when V and Rika started to have problems.

Michelangelly (@michelangeli)

The artist who broke the record of the highest bid for Paris auction with his reinterpretation of Michelangelo's The Creation of Adam

[Name]

[Personal info] His friends named Raphaela, Leonardo da Vince, and Donatella. Tends to flaunt how perfect his pet turtle is whenever he meets them during the turtle club party.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 5 - 15:11 "Malice and Hypocrisy"

[Email responses]:

Sistine Chapel

Pieta!

The Last Judgement

[Story] Jumin: Michelangeli really is awesome. It's risky to take motifs from a work of a world famous artist. Should I buy a few pieces of his artwork?

Master of Ready-Made Meals (@retortfoodmaster)

The master of ready-made meals who can create more than 300 variety of dishes.

[Name]

[Personal info] Dreams of creating the worlds best ready-made meals after getting a job in the ready-made food manufactuing industry. Currently on the job hunt.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 5 - 23:48 "Finishing Up On a Stormy Day"

[Email responses]:

3 minutes

Pizza Cheese

Cook meals how you feel like it should be done

[Story] Jumin: I challenge myself with ready-made meals. Smoke started to come out of the microwave... I wonder if there was a problem with my cooking method.

Santa Claus (@mrsanta)

The man who gives out presents once a year wearing red clothes.

[Name]

[Personal info] Legendary spy. It's been said that all his missions leave a trail of blood.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 6 - 01:17 "707 Cyber News"

[Email responses]:

Three moles behind the ears of Rudolph

It's the color you like

To be their family for one day...

[Story] Jaehee: I hope the Santa I saw when I was young wasn't in the Intelligence Unit, was he? ... He probably isn't, I think it was my father who placed the presents near my pillow.

Early Adopter Rapid Han (@earlyadapter)

The early adopter whom Seven hacked.

[Name]

[Personal info] Recently went on a blind date and liked the person. But when he saw her using a 10-year-old cell phone, it took him great endurance not to nag at her.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 6 - 12:33 "Need Some Fresh Air"

[Email responses]:

Drone

Wireless Earphones

A... Crowdfunding site!

[Story] 707: I slightly have the tendency of being an early adopter! But I get frustrated to the point that I make them myself Lol.

Head Fitness Trainer (@gymleader)

The head trainer of the gym Zen goes to. Used to be a bodybuilder.

[Name]

Healthy Cho

[Personal info] Once pulled and airplane on a TV show. His comment then was "not bad"...

[Location]:

Another Story Day 6 - 18:23 "Heading Towards 2020"

[Email responses]:

Chicken Breasts

Squats

Treadmill

[Story] Zen: It was really bothersome going to the gym at first but thanks to the head trainer,I now enjoy working out every day!.. though it's still tough when losing weight or doing strength training.

Hobo Kap (@internetcafe)

A person who lives in internet cafes for more than 20 days a month.

[Name]

[Personal info] Working as a part-timer in an internet cafe. Currently learning skills to open an internet cafe after saving up money.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 6 - 16:19 "Yoosung's Heaven"

[Email responses]:

You can enjoy a luxurious buffet if you come...

Researcher of residential environments

PVP

[Story] Yoosung: Did you know ...that the prices of internet cafes different between neighborhoods? Does Mr. Kap analyze all the prices and then decide where to stay?

Invisible Man (@invisible)

Invisible man who is transparent.

[Name]

[Personal info] In general, if the retina is transparent, it cannot absorb light, therefor causing blindness. Was surprised from being able to see. Currently testing and researching his own body.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 6 - 18:23 "Heading Towards 2020"

[Email responses]:

H2O (It's my favorite formula)

KCN (The formula for potassium cyanide is KCN)

Behind MC's back (Which do you think is correct?)

[Story] Zen: What's this? This feeling?...I can feel someone looking at me from behind my back!! A cold wind just passed my neck! What's happening?

Baleman (@installation)

Internet installer jumping from rooftops to rooftops wearing the Baleman costume.

[Name]

[Personal info] The duo Baleman and Robinboy became famous and even starred in TV. The duo is planning to establish an internet company name after them.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 7 - 08:46 "Staying Calm"

[Email responses]:

Shoot a bat shaped light to the sky

Because it lets you work late in the dark midst of night

Robinboy

[Story] Jaehee: Baleman and Robinboy...What a fantastic duo. I'll ask their assitance if probems occur on C&R internet.

Hair Designer Scissorhandler (@hairdesigner)

A famous hair designer in charge of Jumin and Chairman Han's hairstyle.

[Name]

[Personal info] Currently troubled as Chairman Han keeps requesting to cut his hair "to look younger". Most personally satisfied when slicked back Mr. Han's hair.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 7 - 13:16 "One's Own Reasons"

[Email responses]:

Afro hair

Afro hair for Chairman Han as well

Yes

[Story] Jaehee: Afro hair... Mr. Han and Chairman Han... I do want to see it at least once. Mr. Han will get mad if he finds out the truth, right? Haha.

Ahddub (@curryfactory)

A curry restaurant owner who has the image of Buddha, giving off a generous and merciful ambiance.

[Name]

Ahddub

[Personal info] Wife is Catholic. They sometimes fight over religion. It's been said that their way of reconciling is eating tasty curry together.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 7 - 17:45 "His Heart"

[Email responses]:

Everyone will enjoy indian curry!

Of course, we have masala!

I love vindaloo curry! TT

[Story] Zen: I really love Indian curry. I wanted to ask how this taste, this flavor was created but what a shame.

Satellite (@satellite)

An astronaut named Satellite living in space.

[Name]

Satellite

[Personal info] Thought a great photo was of an alien but the photo came out shaken. After being called a liar, is determined to go back out to space to retake the photo.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 7 - 19:24 "How to Cope with Risks"

[Email responses]:

Did you meet something like the Saint Dogs!?

Nothing but flesh of an astronaut.

The satellite was the weakness!

[Story] Jumin: Should the C&R also shoot up a satellite? Satellite Elizabeth the Universe. Even the name is perfect. Assistant Kang? Where are you?

Team Leader of C&R Intelligence Unit (@infodeptleader)

C&R Intelligence Team Manager with outstanding risk management skills.

[Name]

[Personal info] Being the manager of the C&R Intelligence Team, everyone thought his cell phone password would be complicated... However, the password in fact has not been set at all.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 7 - 23:11 "Before Charging In!"

[Email responses]:

•---- •---- •---- •---- (means '1111')

-• --- (means 'no')

• •-•• •• --•• •– –••• •– •••• /

– •••• • / •••-- •-• -•• •-•-•- (means 'Elizabeth the 3rd?')

[Story] Jaehee: It's possible that I'm not the only one who used a Morse code decoder. The manager might have used the decoder as well.

Doctor Silence Lee (@familydoctor)

A family doctor who has taken care of Jumin and Chairman Han's health for a very long time.

[Name]

Doctor Silence Lee

[Personal info] Whether Jumin resembles his mother more or his father... is a secret. There have been some occasions when people thought the Silence doctor was angry as he wouldn't open his mouth.

[Location]:

Another Story Day 8 - 01:59 "Emergency in RFA"

[Email responses]:

...

.....

...

[Story] Jumin: Silent? He might be quiet, but that doesn't mean he's speechless... He's more of the type who opens up later when trust is built.

Ice Cream Store Manager (@icecreamseller)

The owner of an ice cream store discovered while Ray was hacking.

[Name]

Melting Hothot

[Personal info] Currently troubled as people think it's a prank or has misdialed when he answers the phone saying "This is Hothot, the manager of Iceberg~"

[Location]:

Another Story Day 8 - 07:13 "Suspicious Chat Room"

[Email responses]:

How about rice flavored ice cream?

Coffee!

Why don't you scoop ice cream into a flower?

[Story] 707: I love icecream. I used to have one whenever it was hard to bear...in fact today even...I feel similar to those days.

#hahahaha #mystic messenger #mysme

[mahogany-siel]

august 30, i bought solange tickets today

I’m really just feeling around things lately. I don’t feel lonely, but I a lot of the time I feel like I should be sharing my time with someone. I’m really excited for what my future holds with this self-love journey. I am very hopeful but in my down time, I fantasize about having a best friend that checks in on me all the time. I already basically get almost everything I need in a best friend from Halley and my other lovely camp friends. However, I feel like so many of them actually have best friends outside of camp people therefore, I should too... then again I’m trying to break out of this whole comparison mode. I just want a best friend who is exclusively mine. While this sounds scarily possessive and definitely not the solution to all my problems, the professionals say to ask God for exactly what you want and that is something I want. But on a different larger scale note, I gotta fucking trust the process and let things ride out! Fucking #TTP have I not learned anything from Kairos?? 

As long as I am enjoying my time alone, I shouldn’t feel bad or weird about being alone. 

I would love a man in my life, but I know it’s too early to have anyone serious around me right now. This time is meant for me to accept myself without the interference of anyone else. I respect that, and God has basically told me that I won’t be finding the guy I’m supposed to meet this year for a while. When I do meet him, it will be completely off guard and it will all make sense. Personally I don’t think it will be any time before December. It all depends on my progress in self-love. God won’t send me a man too prematurely, He knows how selfless and giving I am in a relationship and how quickly all the grown up independent shit I learned will go out the window. He knows me so well <3

It’s still so weird to be single. Shawn and I spent four years being each other’s everything. I love him and I miss both him, and the idealization I made of him. He was warm and beautiful and loving and my home don’t get me wrong, but for a while (before and during the time our relationship went to shit) I romanticized a lot of what was happening between us in reality. I emphasized a lot of our best times and successfully diminished our bad times and considerably lessoned the memory of our ever present duller times together. One thing in particular I always compared our current situation to was his trip to visit me in New York last March. Spring break in New York was one of the best times I had ever had with anyone in my life, especially Shawn. Looking back, I definitely think that’s where we peaked. I low-key even knew it at the time. Nothing since the first year of our relationship topped New York. We fell so fucking hard for each other again in this city. Yo, it was so I can’t even think about it for too long before I feel some type of way about the whole situation. Looking at the bigger picture, I definitely feel like one of the things that makes me feel so weird about being alone and constantly insecure about being an introvert is that for so long even though I spent the same amount of time alone I never felt truly alone because I knew I had Shawn. He was my rock, my anchor, my salvation from being a complete loner. Now that I don’t have him as an alibi for not having good friends outside of camp I feel lost. 

Damn, look at me solving my own problems. I should save my money and just talk through shit myself as opposed to going to a therapist. 

Nah, let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves I’m not that good. 

I did a follow up email with one of the women I met at the students of color mixer about the Celebrating Color: A Group for Women of Color (take a shot every time I said color in that sentence). She didn’t reply to my email yet, but God is telling me that I’m on to something good with this group. I’m still very nervous to walk into the Student Health Services building tomorrow.

Today I bought Solange tickets. I’m so excited to see her in Radio City on October 3rd. She is kind of the first person who really got my attention about being proud of my complexion and its history. She demonstrated in such an artistically admirable way that I couldn’t ignore it. I’m hoping for an ethereal, affirming, soul-enriching moment during her set that Tuesday. These expectations may be high, but I really don’t put it past her. Her music has been guiding me in my journey. She’s like my black female guiding light. Not that I hang on her every word when it comes to female blackness, but I mean she introduced me to this new realm of my identity so I mean I owe her a lil credit. I want to learn more about her so I may watch some interviews or maybe even her talk at Yale just to gain some insight. If any of you reading this are there don’t be afraid to say hi!! Lol just kidding no one is reading this blog besides me. I have no fans, plus you have no idea what my face even looks like! I’ll just be another artsy black bitch in the crowd. If you see a girl with body wave weave with leave out that doesn’t match, you probably just ran into me. Ha!

Another black woman who is really helping me navigate my identity as a black girl from a lifetime PWE (predominately white environments) is Issa Rae. I’m so into her and her message. I’ve actually found myself asking what would Issa do in a certain situations a lot. Her self-proclamation as an awkward black girl has actually been a revelation for me. I am both black and awkward (funny how that works huh) I also look forward to potentially reading her book The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl. I mean I have to find something to rely on there are only two more episodes of Insecure and I’ve already re-watched season 1 once. I mean I could re-binge both seasons again, but shidddd those episodes are only thirty minutes long and theres like only eight a season. So 16 thirty minute episodes? That’s only eight hours I could do that before dinner. Girl I have to find other outlets!