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vampynights · 9 months

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:D HIHIIII i'm back w another ryan rq LOLL can u write any sort of hcs about cuddling or physical affection w him please ^_^ !!!!!!! sorry if this is too vague, just lmk if it is!!!! 💘 (:

✰a/n: HELLO AGAIN ANON!! wonderful to hear from u and get another request!! I completely understand what you want, and since you so politely asked, you shall receive! this is so random but the song i had on repeat while writing this was ‘kiss me’ by sixpence none the richer and i feel like it really just adds to the overall vibe so i highly suggest listening while reading !!! hope you enjoy and have a wonderful day<33

✰RYAN ROSS — physical affection with ryan headcanons

✰warnings: none tbh!! just pure fluff

(i love this gif sm.)

–ryan is definitely a lot more reserved when it comes to physical affection in the beginning of your relationship

–he’s pretty reserved overall tbh at first, it takes a bit to get him out of his shell

–in the beginning you’d probably have to initiate somethings or hint to him that you’d like to do certain things

–for example, if you wanted him to grab your hand you’d probably have to do that cliche ‘putting your hand super close to him till your pinky’s are touching’ thing to make him notice

–this is probably weird and stupid but i feel like he has like sweaty palms LOL (i do too, i understand the pain.)

–like, you hold his hand for too long and all of a sudden it’s like holding hands with someone who’s sprinkled a shit ton of water onto their hands

–he gets super embarrassed abt it too and you kinda just have to laugh it off and like tell him it’s okay without making a big deal out of it either…?

–once he gets into the habit though his hands are like ALWAYS on yours.

–underneath tables, while you two are walking, if you’re sitting next to each other, when i saw always I MEAN ALWAYS

–now moving on from the hand holding, cuddling is a little easier for him to get used to, funnily enough

–his excuse is probably that cuddling is done mostly in private meanwhile hand holding is public a lot of the time and he gets kinda shy

–he is like the perfect mix of little spoon and big spoon

–like he really does not mind being either tbh, he’ll only have a preference if he’s in a REALLY bad mood (in which case he’ll probably wanna be little spoon) but generally, he doesn’t care, as long as he’s holding you he’s chill.

–he’s got a fucking GRIP

–cuddling with him is like signing away your life tbh, once you go into his arms he will not let you out for almost ANYTHING

–this mf definitely is the type to hug you from behind when you’re doing literally anything

–don’t cook in front of him unless you want your mobility to be restricted because he won’t let go of you

–ok im sorry for saying this but hear me out ok, he’s a “where’s my hug at?” guy

–BUT NOT IN THE WEIRD WAY I MUST EMPHASIZE

–if you come home the first thing he does is playfully ask you “where’s my hug at?” and opens his arm wide

–when you guys are cuddling on the couch he loves to have your legs over his lap and your head on his shoulder

–if you guys are in public however it’s a little harder to get him to cuddle

–the best you’ll get is him wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you close, but he wouldn’t have you on his lap or anything

–he’s so clingy when he’s drunk

–he comes homes after drinking and the first thing he is doing is latching onto you (keep an eye on him at all times or he might vomit on you. gross.)

–if you wear his favorite perfume he will purposefully cuddle you A LOT just to smell it

–like you’ll be chilling with him and then literally feel AND hear him sniffing and you’re just like

–”did you just sniff me?”

–”no?”

–he gaslights you about it cause he get’s embarrassed but you both know the truth

–in summary, he’s clingy as shit and wants to hold you more than anything in the world but also chill out in public otherwise he’ll die

#ryan ross #ryan ross headcanons #ryan ross x reader #panic! at the disco #pre split panic #pretty odd #the bad list #ryan ross x you

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prettyseaveins · 1 year

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Lover Boy, Lover Girl - R.R.

Ryan Ross x female!reader one shot

SFW / No warnings

word count: 748

Summary: a small snippet into a random morning with Ryan Ross

“Ryan, did you hear what the fuck is going on with the government?” you asked, your body leaning against an arm of their shared couch as you held a cup of coffee. A look of disbelief was on your face as your boyfriend sat down beside you, letting his eyes fall on the screen you stared at. “This literally means that the government is gonna start controlling our brains or some shit because they want to block the media we consume—which is complete and utter bullshit! What the fuck? Does this mean I am no longer going to be able to sing about socialism and shit?”

“I think you’ll be able to sing about your idealistic world of anti-capitalism and love for me no matter what the government says,” he smiled comfortingly at you and let a hand rub your thigh soothingly. “This probably won’t even pass. Do you even hear how dumb they sound? She asked him if some dumb meme caused kids to become communists. I think we’ll be fine.”

“I guess you’re right, but also, who said I sang about loving you? For all you know, I could be singing about my love for Pedro Pascal or another celebrity crush that is ranking high on the list. Who knows, it could even be one of your friends from a different band. What was that bassist that took over Jon’s spot? Austin, was it? Or maybe his name was Antonio?” You put a finger up to your chin, tapping it as you faked your pondering. “Oh, I remember! Dallon is his name! Isn’t he a part of some big and famous band now? Supposedly even better than that band you used to be in?” Before you could utter another word, Ryan grabbed the coffee out of your hands and pushed his free hand into your side, starting to tickle you.

“You better plead for mercy,” he said, continuing to tickle you as you giggled and thrashed around. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! You were right! All my songs are about you and not some stupidly gorgeous hunk!” Another fit of giggles and laughter left your lips as he continued to harass your side with wiggling fingers. “I said you were right! Please, have mercy on my soul!” After a couple more seconds of tickling, Ryan stopped and let you be free of the punishment.

“Thank you for admitting I was right,” he took a quick sip out of your mug, grimacing at the taste. “You put way too much creamer in here.”

“Yeah, well it wasn’t for you, it was for me,” you sat up and grabbed the mug from him before taking a sip of your own coffee. “I could make you a cup if you want. One that has less sugar for your poor old soul.”

“You can’t be mean to me anymore. I have fingers of steel that could tickle you for eons to come,” he wiggled his fingers to try and prove just how serious he was, but it only resulted in a cringe from you.

“Okay, lover boy. I’m gonna make you a cup of coffee so I can hopefully get that image out of my head,” you stood up and started walking to the kitchen, setting down your own mug to start making Ryan’s. “And can you please change the channel? I would love to stop thinking about how the world is coming to an end for one second.”

“As you wish,” he picked up the remote and flicked it to a different channel, letting a random episode of Friends play as you made him coffee. “Make sure to use the mushroom house mug.”

“You mean the only mug you ever use? Technically, it isn’t even your mug, I’m the one that bought it,” you countered, finishing making his coffee before walking back to the living room and passing the mug to him. “I made sure to keep it extra disgusting.”

“Just because I like my coffee actually tasting like coffee doesn’t mean it’s disgusting. Also, I will forever be denying the fact that this was ever your mug. They are forever mine,” you rolled your eyes at his statement and grabbed your own mug, it coincidentally originally owned by your boyfriend, before taking your own sip.

“Whatever you say, nerd,” you giggled and let yourself sink next to Ryan, resting your head on his shoulder.

“I love you too, lover girl,” he said softly, peacefully watching the television with you.

A/N: I just wanted to create more ryan ross content so i wrote this lol. i’m gonna write more so drop suggestions if u want to ! thank you :)

#ryan ross #panic at the ryan #panic! at the disco #ryan patd #ryan ross x reader #ryan ross x reader fluff #ryan ross x reader oneshot #x reader #female reader #ryan ross imagine #ryan ross fanfic #ryan ross x you #x reader fanfiction

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xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx · 1 year

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Relaxing - Ryan Ross x Reader

Prompt: R: Relaxing (How do they relax with their s/o? The best ways? The cutest?) (from this list) Reader: can be read as any gender (no pronouns used) Word Count: 1 309

By the time Ryan returned from the shops, he found your car was parked in the driveway. Judging by the amount of fine rain droplets that had already collected on the windows, he supposed you had been home for a while. Smiling to himself, he unlocked the front door, letting himself in. While kicking off his shoes, he called for you, but received no response. Carrying the groceries into the kitchen, he called for you again, before he shrugged it off. Maybe you were in the shower.

Ryan did have to admit that he was at least a little proud of having gone shopping. It was something you usually did together, but your week had been stressful, and he had wanted to take some work off of your hands. He had made sure to buy your favourite dessert and some nice bathing salt for a warm bath. The fluff socks he had been unable to resist getting for you would simply be snuck into your dresser after he had washed them, to surprise you.

Lately he thought a lot about how he could help you stay warm. You constantly complained about how cold your workplace was, and while in the beginning Ryan had foolishly assumed you were exaggerating, he had been forced to agree, after having visited you once. It really was freezing there, and he had no idea how you managed to stand the cold for hours upon hours. But now even the weather had turned surprisingly cold. This was LA, and yet there was not the faintest sliver of blue sky, only dark, grey clouds, freezing wind, and an unending drizzle of rain.

After having put the groceries away, Ryan went back into the hallway to take his jacket off. This was when he noticed your wellies and rain jacket were missing. He didn't need to see more than that to know that you had not gone to take a shower but were instead outside, taking a walk along the beach.

It was one of your favourite things to do after a stressful day. Sometimes you were gone for hours, walking miles along the waterline. And sometimes you just sat on the porch, looking out over the sand and watching the waves in the distance.

Ryan was never certain whether you wanted to spend the time on the beach alone. Sometimes you asked him if he wanted to join, and he never said no to that offer, but other times you just announced you would go to the beach and disappear. He was never certain if he was allowed to ask to accompany you. Once you had told him you loved spending time with him, that even when you needed "alone-time" you were always okay with having him around because he respected your needs, and was excellent company, even without the exchange of words or touches.

Still it felt like an intrusion on your space. But today Ryan missed you. The whole day had been cold and grey and rainy, and he just wanted to kiss your forehead and hold your hand for a few minutes. So he slipped into a different jacket, one that would withstand the wind and rain, and put on his wellies.

Stepping through the backdoor into the garden that opened onto the beach, he wondered if he would even find you. If you had decided to got on a hike along the waterline, he would have no way of knowing which way you went. But luckily the beach was entirely empty except for a small figure right by the edge of the water, dressed in your signature rain coat.

The wet sand made walking difficult, and cold, wet wind blew into Ryan's face, but he steadily fought his way towards you. Even though the wind was carrying the sound away from you, and he hadn't yet called for you, you seemed to have sensed his approach, because you turned around to him and reached out your hand.

Ryan and you had been dating for a fair while, and gestures like this were not uncommon and jet the sight of your right now made his heart clench. The hood of your jacket was pulled over your head, wind had ruffled your hair even underneath the hood, and the late afternoon light cast a mysterious glow over you as you reached for him, your eyes tired and yet carrying a light Ryan had only ever seen when you looked at him. He swallowed thickly, once more, just like many times before that, realising that you loved him just as much as he loved you.

Taking the last steps forward, he took your hand, linking your fingers together and steping to your side. For a moment you looked at one another, waves licking around your boots, wind tucking on your clothes, and just relishing the time you got to spend together before you looked out over the sea again.

Your head dropped to Ryan's shoulder, and he quickly pressed a kiss to your hair. You relaxed against him, making him smile and nuzzle his nose against your head.

"How was your day," he asked carefully, his words muffled against your hair.

"If it were up to my boss, I'd work 20 hours per day, 8 days a week," you answered quietly.

Ryan groaned quietly, hoping to show his sympathy.

"So bad?"

"Worse," you answered. " Remember that project I'm supposed to work on? They decided to elect me as project leader and now none of them do their job. Today I've done my workload and that of three colleges."

"You really shouldn't do that," Ryan shook his head. "They're just using you."

"I know. The problem is that if this doesn't get finished in time, I'm the one whose head will roll."

"When's the deadline?"

"Friday."

"Right before Christmas?"

You nodded.

"That's shitty."

"I know. So be prepared to have a super stressed out partner for the next week."

"If there's any way I can help…?"

You cuddled closer against Ryan, and he placed his free hand on your waist, pulling you into a half hug.

"There really isn't. But I took the left over leave days, and the office is closed for the first days of the new year anyway, so I'll have two weeks off after this whole ordeal. Oh-"

Remembering something, you giggled, a sound Ryan had not heard often enough recently.

"My one coworker found out I'd be off for two weeks, and deadass asked 'But you can't go on holiday? The whole office will collapse! What will we do without you?'"

Ryan grinned. At least these ungrateful co-workers of yours were aware that you were carrying the whole office on your back.

"What did you answer?"

"I told him to figure it out."

Ryan laughed at that and pulled away.

"Well done."

Leaning over to you, he pecked your lips. They were wet with fine rain drops and salty from the sea water that blew into your faces.

"Do you wanna go back inside? I'm starting to get cold…"

Ryan nodded, hesitantly pulling away from you.

"I bought more of that plant milk you like so much. We can make hot chocolate?"

"Uuuhhh, I'd love that," you grinned, taking a better hold on his hand.

Ryan guided you back towards the house, the cold wind still tucking at his clothes, but with you by his side, your hands intertwined, he only minded it half as much. He'd still have to tell you about the bath salt he had bought for you. Maybe you would like to use it after dinner. And maybe you'd even let him join.

Smiling to himself, Ryan lifted your hand up to his lips, pressing a warm kiss to the back of it, before he pulled you through the backdoor into the warmth of your shared home.

Taglist:

@alexstyx @jayloverthe3rd @robinruns @lookalivefrosty @butterflycore @omgsuperstarg @fivelegance @casmustdiee @cmtryghoul

#ryan ross x reader #ryan ross x you #ryan ross x reader fanfiction #ryan ross x reader fanfic #ryan ross x reader imagines #ryan ross x reader imagine #ryan ross imagine #ryan ross imagines #ryan ross fanfiction #ryan ross fanfic #christmas alphabeth #christmas calendar #winter alphabet #advent calendar #let's be honest: nobody's gonna read this anyway

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dumblilb · 1 year

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You guys should send in Ryan ross oneshot requests cause I’m in the mood to write for my bby girl.

No smut pls xxx

#ryan ross #panic at the disco #ryan ross x reader #A fever you can’t sweat out #pretty odd #ryan ross oneshots #ryan ross oneshot

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panicatthetwentyonechemicalboys · 17 days

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HELP IM INDECISIVE

I want to write a fic butttttt.... I'm stuck between Ryllon (ryan ross x dallon weekes), or trying my hand at writing Y/N for the first time!!

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ciaralovesspiderman · 3 months

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MASTERLIST :DDDD

request rulez here !! - yes u can request other people

----

SPIDERMAN

-tom holland

-andrew garfield

-toby maguire

P!ATD

-ryan ross

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misguidedswagger · 2 years

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trust: chapter 2

w/c: 3.4k

trust masterlist

entire masterlist

Y/n said nothing as her older brother and his friends continued to buzz about their very new signing. She hummed to herself as she placed the cake in the oven before cleaning up the kitchen, washing the dirty dishes, utensils, and then drying them. Y/n pursed her lips before she turned to face her brother once again,

“Bren?” She asked softly, resting her hips on the counter as she crossed her arms. Her brother lifted his head and quirked a brow towards her, still looking at Spencer as they conversed about some of the songs they would possibly be changing up for their new sound, like Time To Dance, Camisado, and Nails For Breakfast.

“What’s up, kiddo?” Brendon teased his baby sister. With a huff and roll of her eyes, Y/n pushed herself off the counter by her hips, making herself busy. “Was gonna ask if you needed your laundry done. But after the nickname, fuck you, do it yourself.”

Spencer snorted at her comment, “Damn, kiss your mother with that mouth?” Another eye roll later, Y/n sent an annoyed middle finger to Spencer, checking the timer she’d set on the oven. “I’ll be back in like fifteen minutes, losers.” The girl spoke before running upstairs to her room, grabbing her laundry and throwing it into the machine.

Ryan’s gaze trailed after her slowly and rested on the stairwell straight ahead of him. He cleared his throat before walking to his friends sitting at the kitchen’s bar. Ryan opened his mouth to contribute to the conversation before Brendon interrupted him. “I think we need to celebrate our tremendous feat. Whaddaya guys say, huh? What if we throw a mega banger in celebration of our signing?” Brendon wiggled both of his elbows into both Spencer and Ryan, causing the two to laugh softly.

“Here?” Jon asked, a brow raised. Brendon spun around in his chair and nodded before leaning back and crossing his arms. “Hell yeah, here! This is where the magic happened, baby! Obviously it’s gotta be here!”

A set of hands and a chin found their home on Ryan’s shoulders. He looked at the girl who was suddenly back downstairs among him, her brother, and their friends, “What’s gotta be here?” Y/n queried, once again completely oblivious to the fact that she was making Ryan’s heart race a mile a minute. Ryan would usually focus on the words leaving the girl’s mouth, but right now, he had to focus on calming himself down so Y/n wouldn’t hear or feel his speedy heartbeat, or notice his sudden loss of breath.

Spencer spoke up now, his arms crossed over his chest as he spun to face the younger Urie, “Your big brother wants to throw a celebratory signing party. You down?” He smirked at her before walking over to the fridge and grabbing a soda from the second rack.

With a small hum in thought, she asked softly, “I’m invited?” Ryan spoke before he even realized he did,

“Yes!” He shouted, before shrinking down in embarrassment, a tinge of red fanning over his cheeks. He held his face in his hands, muttering apologies. “I’m sorry—Just…” He didn’t even need to look up to know his friends were staring at him intently, and Jon was giving him a stern, almost motherly, look. Clearing his throat, the guitarist continued, “Just surprised at the fact that you’d think you weren’t invited after everything you’ve done for us. You proofread our-“

Y/n interrupted now, “Your.” She whispered, standing up straight as she offered a reassuring shoulder squeeze. “My lyrics.” He corrected sheepishly,

“You made food for us when we had long sessions, made us hot chocolate, coffee.. God, you’ve always supported us, you’ve always been our number one fan…” Ryan trailed off, having to stop himself before he got too ahead of himself and started going on about his love and overall adoration for her.

Y/n had a hand over her heart and opened her mouth to speak before Spencer spoke up again, “And not to mention, you always made sure we got rest of some sort, whether it be small breaks, actual sleep itself, or you just talking to us to bounce ideas off of.” He took another sip of his soda before going back over to Jon and Brendon.

Jon spoke up now, “Ya always made sure we were hydrated too, ran to the store for us when we needed paper, pens, or other bullshit like that. Food, etcetera, etcetera. You’ve been a great help, kid. Ya need to hold yourself to a higher standard.”

Isn’t that right? Ryan thought to himself, nodding in agreement with Jon, subtly looking towards him. Before Y/n could thank the boys, her brother walked to her side and threw his arm around her shoulders, giving her a noogie as he gave his thanks to her,

“What would I have done without my little sis always making me food, doing my laundry, and my chores so I could be with the guys? You’re the best, Y/n. We really love you, and of course we want–no, need you at this party! Couldn’t have gotten this far without you!” With a large smile, the youngest in the room nodded.

“Okay. Yeah. I’ll start getting the house ready-” She gave her brother a quick squeeze before slithering out of his grip to start preparing for the party. Ryan stopped her though and grabbed her hand, causing Y/n to turn towards his voice, “Woah, woah. We are gonna get the house ready together.”

Unbeknownst to Ryan, Spencer grew wary of his bandmate’s hands on the frontman’s little sister. Jon, completely oblivious to Spencer’s glare, nudged him, “Older Urie’s gonna send out invites and all that shit, but me ‘n Spence’ll help out, don’t worry.” Jon smiled, walking towards Y/n and Ryan. The girl grinned and gave Ryan’s hand a quick squeeze before moving forward to hug the others. Ryan hadn’t realized how long his hands had lingered on Y/n until she was out of his grip, she just felt so much like home. It was scary.

As Y/n flew into Spencer and Jon’s hugs, she hadn’t noticed the very obviously fake smile on Spencer’s face. No one had the opportunity to before an annoying ringing sound echoed through the kitchen. Y/n pulled away and clapped her hands excitedly,

“Yay! Cake!”

Y/n was in her room getting ready for the party as she heard new voices under the blaring music entering her house. She looked in the mirror, brushing invisible specks of dirt off of herself, smoothing her outfit down as much as she could. With a frustrated sigh, she held her face in her hands.

“You look beautiful. What’s stressing you out?” A voice asked her from the doorway, causing her face to shoot up out of her hands. She stayed staring at herself in the mirror, staring at him through the mirror. He kicked himself off the door frame as she spoke.

“I don’t know, I guess this party just feels different because of the event it's celebrating.” Ryan walked up behind her and let his hands rest in his pockets as he looked her in the eyes through the mirror, “Hey, you’ve got nothing to stress over.” Tentatively, he placed his hands on her shoulders, flicking his eyes back to hers, silently asking if he could continue. With a silent nod from Y/n, Ryan began to rub her shoulders, much to Y/n’s pleasure.

“If anything, it should be us stressing, it’s our signing party.” The elder reassured, causing a smile to finally find its home on the girl’s face. She smiled brightly at Ryan and turned around and gave him a tight hug. “Thank you.” She said softly and sweetly. Ryan smiled and let his chin rest on her shoulder as he embraced every inch of her hug. His hands found solitude on her waist as he pulled her in tighter.

“For the record, Ross, you look very handsome yourself, and you give incredible hugs.” Y/n complimented, letting go of the hug when she heard one of her favorite songs playing downstairs. She grabbed Ryan’s hand and dragged him down the stairs with her before forcing him to dance with her.

Ryan laughed and Y/n spun messily to the song playing, but when she grabbed his hand, he let his body take over. He gave her a proper spin, causing her to giggle, a sound Ryan swore he could never get over. Y/n rested her hand in Ryan’s, her other on his shoulder. She stopped laughing as much and only smiled, maintaining eye contact with Ryan the entire time, and he did the same.

When the song ended, Y/n smiled wider and stepped back, “Thank you for going along with that. That was really fun! Want a drink?” She pointed towards the drink table, and Ryan nodded. “You continue dancing, Urie, I’ll grab the drinks.” He grinned at her, causing her to cheer and nod, already dancing to the next song.

With a small laugh, Ryan walked over to where Y/n had previously pointed, grabbing two red solo cups. He was in the process of pouring their drinks when he felt an elbow in his side. Ryan snapped his eyes up to the culprit, not surprised to see Jon connected to the elbow that’d nudged him. “I saw you two lovebirds. Finally spill the secret?” Jon teased, causing Ryan to turn his face away from his friend’s burning stare, in an attempt to hide his blush. “Holy shit! You still haven’t told her!” Jon basically yelled, causing Ryan to shove his shoulder,

“Dude, shut it!” He pleaded, quickly glancing around to make sure no one else had heard their conversation. Jon laughed heartily before shaking his head, “Man, you gotta tell her! Even if it doesn’t go anywhere, which won’t happen, it definitely will go somewhere, she has a right to know!” Jon said seriously, offering an encouraging smile. He placed a hand on Ryan’s shoulder and rubbed it, “Trust me, Ryan. It’s better to be rejected than to regret not saying something.”

Jon and Ryan’s conversation was interrupted as another person walked up, “Hey, guys! Crazy turn out, huh? Told ya I’m a god at invites!” Brendon placed a hand on both of their shoulders and smiled, “What were you two talking about?” Ryan tried not to show his panic when Brendon asked that, and before Ryan could stutter through an excuse, Jon bit the bullet and saved Ryan’s skin.

“Was asking Ryan for some advice about the girl over there.” Jon gestured lazily to a group of girls in another room, taking a sip. “Wanna walk over with me Bren? Ryan’s too nervous to just walk over with me and I need backup.” Jon offered, looking at Brendon hopefully.

Brendon blew a raspberry at Ryan and held an “L” on his forehead to him, “Of course I’ll go with you Jon, I’m not a pussy.” He laughed before clapping Ryan on the back, “Kidding, I get it. Enjoy the party man, I know Jon certainly will.” He smiled.

As the two walked away, Jon turned his head and winked at Ryan before turning back around quickly. Ryan smiled a tight smile and nodded at Jon before turning to walk back with his and Y/n’s drinks. However, as he turned to walk back in her direction, he collided with another body, startling him. He turned back around to see he’d bumped into the girl he’d been on the way back to. With a laugh, she took a cup from Ryan, “What took ya so long?”

Ryan gestured to the room that Jon and Brendon were currently in, “Oh, ya know, your brother.” He chuckled softly, taking a sip of his drink. She laughed softly and nodded, “Yeah, he can be quite the handful sometimes. I’d know.” The two of them laughed together before walking over to another corner of the room to get out of the way of the people dancing in the middle of the living room.

Ryan leaned against the wall, drink in hand, free hand either in his pocket or gesturing with his sentences, as Y/n was standing, slowly sipping her drink, more listening than talking. Their conversation was going pretty well when all of a sudden, a guy slammed into Y/n, spilling his drink all over her, causing Y/n to shiver at the sudden cold liquid seeping through her shirt.

The drunk guy looked up at Y/n and muttered an apology before doing a double take, “Oh, holy shit. You’re Brent’s ex right?” Y/n’s face paled and Ryan stood up straight, eyeing the guy angrily. Clearly, the drunk moron didn’t realize that no one wanted to talk about that, “Yeah, you gotta be. I remember your brother or whoever goin’ batshit on him in the middle of that party, almost two years ago now, right?”

Ryan shoved him, “Get the fuck away from her. She doesn’t wanna talk to you.” The man looked up at Ryan now, “Go home, Ronnie.” Ryan snarled at him. “You’ve had enough to drink, anyway.” Ronnie looked up at Ryan and raised a brow,

“Since when are you two dating?” He flicked his eyes over to Y/n, who looked to be on the edge of tears. “You settle for Ryan here just because you missed fucking one of your brother’s friends?” And that was it, the wall that Y/n had built up had come crashing down with waterworks.

Y/n ran upstairs, sobbing. Ryan shoved Ronnie into a wall and immediately followed after her, calling her name. “Y/n!” He watched her door slam shut, and against his better judgment, opened the door without knocking, “Y/n, look what he said-” He looked up at her shriek and saw her shirtless, “Shit, I’m so sorry!” He put his hand back on the knob to close it, but before he could reach the knob, she spoke up.

“Wait! Don’t… Don’t leave me.” She pleaded softly, breaking Ryan’s heart. He held a hand over his eyes and still kept his eyes down, though it was pointless to do both. He shut the door behind him and stood in the corner with his back to her. “I won’t leave but I won’t look. Just tell me when you’re done, okay?”

Y/n let out a small hum of affirmation and Ryan sighed shakily, waiting patiently. After a minute or so, Y/n pulled him off the wall by his shoulder and uncovered his eyes. “You change qui-”

Ryan wore a nervous smile on his face as he finally brought his hands off his eyes. He froze when he realized what he was looking at: a shirtless Y/n. “Oh-my god.” he stuttered out, his cheeks turning bright red as he turned his face away, “Y/n, I-” Her soft hand reached up to his cheek and turned him back towards her. “This is w-wrong, Y/n, you’re not thinking right, you’re upset, you-I don’t want to take advantage of you, I-”

She hushed him and smiled, “You’re not taking advantage of anyone, Ryan. Promise.” Ryan swallowed hard as she took a step closer to him. The boy’s breath grew more jagged as his crush stepped closer and closer to him. Ryan finally took things upon himself, he placed his hands on her waist and kissed her deeply as Y/n’s hands moved to his hair.

Ryan’s heart jumped to his throat. This was all he’d ever wanted, to be able to kiss Y/n, to hold her in his arms, this was the moment he’d dreamt of for as long as he could remember. So why did things feel so strange? He’d imagined this situation playing out several times and he’d planned everything down to a t, how he’d hold her, exactly how he’d kiss her, how softly he’d-

Ryan’s train of thought was interrupted when Y/n brought him back to her bed, yanking his shirt off of him and shoving him down as she sat on her knees in front of him. Y/n brought her hands to Ryan’s belt and looked up at him through her eyelashes. Ryan’s lips were trapped between his teeth as he watched her tear-jerkingly slow movements. She shuffled his pants down and Ryan raised his hips to help her, looking deep into her lust flooded eyes–matching his.

Ryan smiled down at her, raising a hand to pet her hair, “Is this your first-Oh, fuck.” Ryan’s own moans cut off his question as his head fell back as his hand moved to clench the bedsheets under him. Now, by no means was Ryan a virgin, in any sense of the word, but there was something about Y/n that just made everything feel like it was his first. He could only hope he was her first, but by the way she was skillfully moving her head up and down, followed by the swirling of her tongue, he was positive he wasn’t.

He decided not to focus on that, but on the fact that this was even happening. Ryan moaned her name, “Y/n, fuck.” He let his eyes flutter shut and Y/n felt a zap of electricity shoot from her mouth to her toes. She loved the hold she had on him. She added her hand to Ryan’s cock and from that point on, his groans got even dirtier. Y/n’s heart began to race in arousal and anxiety, she’d never had anyone wound around her finger so tight, but it felt great.

Ryan’s moans were heavenly. Y/n wanted more and more, so she did everything she knew how. She looked up at him and started to bob her head faster, licking up his cock to his tip. She flicked her tongue across his slit and Ryan swore he’d never moaned louder; she was so much better than he could’ve imagined, and he imagined a lot. They were both grateful for the booming music downstairs, or else they certainly would’ve been caught.

Ryan sucked in a deep breath through his teeth and let a hand find its way in her hair and he tugged on it softly. Y/n moaned softly, sending a delicious vibration up Ryan’s cock. “Fuck, Y/n, you’re so good at this~” At the praise, she slightly sped up her movements and continued to look up at him, smirking when his face twitched, “Fuck, I’m gonna fucking cum.” He grunted, Y/n kept her head down and let him spill into the back of her throat, riding out his high with him. Involuntarily, Ryan bucked his hips into mouth with another small moan.

He looked down at her and caressed the side of her face, running his thumb over her cheek. “So beautiful. You gonna spit it out?” Y/n instead stuck her tongue out of her mouth and showed him his cum before swallowing it.

Ryan’s face lit up in a blush and he licked his lips before pulling her off the floor by her face, kissing her deeply. With a hand on the back of her head, he stood up and lightly pushed her on the bed before unclasping her bra with one hand, causing her to blush and turn away. “Guess this isn’t your first time.” Ryan smiled softly and turned her face back towards him, “No, but I know this’ll be my best time.” He leaned down and kissed her deeply, sliding off her bra in the process. He sat up now, his knees on either side of her. Y/n swallowed hard and tried her best to maintain eye contact, but it was evident that she was anxious.

Ryan immediately picked up on this and did a double take, “Shit, are you a virgin? We shouldn’t-” Ryan went to step off of her, but Y/n grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“I want you to be my first, Ryan. Please.” Y/n begged softly, causing a whole other side of Ryan to take over.

“Do you have a condom?” He asked, his hand on her cheek again. The girl sat up and shook her head, “Bren has some in his nightstand drawer. You can go grab one.” She spoke timidly before Ryan nodded, basically sprinting to her brother’s room.

She giggled at his speed, but when he was back and shut the door, it sunk in that she was really about to do this. Ryan resumed his position above her and shuffled her underwear down, before running his fingers up and down her sides.

“Are you ready, Y/n?”

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sluttyemopuppyboy · 1 year

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Okay I'm actually writing a ryden fic. No joke, if it's not up by the end of the week on AO3 then I've been shot dead by the government. Ryden is real and the government knows it

#panic at the disco #pre split patd #ryden #ryden is real #ryan ross #ryan ross x brendon urie #brendon urie #a fever you can't sweat out #afycso #pretty odd #fanfic #fanfiction

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transgeoffrickly · 10 months

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#e.txt #don't fight abt which bands qualify as emo just answer the question #they're emo Enough for tumblr purposes. okay?#will rb during my workday. speaking of. i must go

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eyezofstatic · 12 days

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a sense of poisoned rationality

rest in peace ryan ross you would've loved wonderland x showtime

#project sekai #pjsk #pjsk fanart #patd #wonderland x showtime #wxs #tsukasa tenma #emu otori #nene kusanagi #rui kamishiro #a fever you can't sweat out #original art

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pussbuss · 26 days

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(18+) RYAN ROSS X READER

pre split! ryan ross x AFAB! reader - warnings: ryans a munch, drug use/smoking, smut (wrap it before you tap it, folks). lowercase intended, not proofread, A/N at end, enjoy!! <3

while at a house party for “a fever you can’t sweat out” reaching top charts, you and ryan sneak away to smoke.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

ryan held you by the waist as you navigated the crowded house together. his hand on the small of your back, leading you through bunches of drunks, trying desperately to find a quiet place to hang.

you guys decided on the pool house. it reeked of chemicals as you sat down on a counter with pool salts on it. “are you ready?” you asked, pulling the goods out of your bag. he nodded eagerly in response, watching in awe as you placed a little bag, a grinder, filters, and some rolling papers beside you.

you pulled the lighter out from the inside of your bra and placed it next to everything else. ryan watched in utter excitement as you prepared your guys’ joint. you ground up the bud and then rolled it up in the paper, licking it shut.

ryan watched as you placed the joint between your lips. he flicked the lighter on and lit it. you took a long drag, holding it in for a few seconds before exhaling the smoke.

you handed ryan the joint. he took an extremely overzealous inhale and immediately began to cough, spitting smoke everywhere.. “wow!” you laughed. “that’s too big for your first time!!” he handed you the joint and stuttered out a few broken words. “f-fuck..” he laughed in between coughs.

he was huddled over next to you, coughing out smoke as he gripped the ledge. you rub his back, whispering quiet praises in his ear. “it’s okay,” you hit the joint again, slowly exhaling the smoke.

when we finally regained his composure, he asked for the joint, taking a smaller hit and exhaling quickly after. still, a small cough left his mouth. “smaller..” you laughed, running a hand through his hair.

he looked as if he wanted more, like he wanted your friendship to explore “new heights”.

he positioned himself between your legs, looking up at you, placing his hands on your waist. you place the joint between your lips and inhale again, bringing your lips to ryan’s and exhaling the smoke into his mouth. his eyes widened and his grip on your waist tightened and he let go, exhaling the smoke. “woah..” he let out a breathy laugh and moved hair out of your face. he stands on his tip toes, giving you a gentle kiss.

first, his kiss was shy and patient, but it quickly turned desperate and sloppy. you straddled him, gently pulling his hair with one hand while the other one made its way down his chest, pulling up his shirt. a small gasp left his mouth when you ran your hands over his v-line, slowly making your way down to his zipper. his eyes widened and he let out a soft whimper.

“can i?” you whispered in his ear, kissing the side of his neck. he nodded frantically. “yes-“ he cleared his throat. “yes please..” his body shook nervously as he brought his cold hands inside your shirt, bringing his fingers up and around the bottom hem to remove it. “is this okay?” he asked. you nodded, flashing a genuine smile. you helped him take it off, revealing your cheetah print bra. he quickly joined you; removing his jacket, black tee, his plaid red and black boxers peaking out of his jeans.

his lips quickly returned to yours as he multitasked, unhooking your bra in the back and gently removing it from your body. he dropped it, staring in shock at his best friends boobs; he could’ve sworn his dick got so hard it fell off. “oh my god..” he whispered, quickly bringing his mouth to your collarbone, kissing down your cleavage.

he brought his mouth back up to yours, right hand fondling your breast as the left held your jaw. “so cute..” you whispered, cupping his hard cock with your hand. he shivered as you did so, whimpering quietly as he kissed you eagerly.

his hands unbuttoned your shorts and hooked on the inside of the hem, bringing them down over your knees and placing them next to you.

he squatted down in front of you as you spread your legs for him. he placed chaste kisses along your thighs until he reached your pussy. he looked up at you for approval and you nodded, smiling expectantly at him.

he ran a finger up your clothed folds, sending shivers down your spine. he rubbed a few circles on your clit before he buried his face into your clothed pussy. he placed wet kisses on your clit and rubbed a finger along your slit. “ryan..” you groaned, holding his face close by a chunk of his hair. he stopped for a moment, linking his fingers under the hem of your underwear and pulling them off. then, he dove right back in.

“so, so handsome buried between my thighs.. wanna see you do this all the time..” you whispered. he hummed into you, sending vibrations to your clit. you held his hair back as he went to town on you, circling your clit with his tongue.

then, he slowly gathered pre-cum on his middle finger and slid it into you, curling it up. a harsh groan left your mouth as he pushed in and out, curling his finger up, then slowly adding another finger.

he quickly changed pace, going from teasingly slow to the perfect speed, fingers working magic on you as he ate you.

he stared you in the eye as he ate you out, you could see his shit eating grin as he worked on you. “s’close..” you groaned, grabbing the back of his head and pulling some of his hair. you grinded your hips into his face, making you come closer to your release.

finally, you finished, you let out a loud moan, cumming all over ryan’s tongue. he looked up at you as he sucked his fingers clean, placing kisses along your thigh.

as you slowly gathered your composure, you sat up, pulling ryan up with you and kissing him. “that was so hot, baby..” he moaned into you, tongue roaming around your mouth as he fondled your breasts.

you hopped off the ledge, clothes dropped to the floor as you swapped spots with ryan. you helped him up, pants down to his ankles as he adjusted himself. he hooked his fingers under his boxers and pulled them down. his cock slapped his stomach and he let out a quiet whimper. his cock was swollen and red, dripping pre-cum from his tip as he looked down at you. “you’re beautiful..” he mumbled, curling your hair behind your ears. he kissed your forehead before you squatted in front of him, rubbing a gentle finger along his tip, then spitting on it.

your hands slid down the sides of his cock, gently pumping him up and down with a slow but steady pace. his breath hitched in his throat as you continued to do so, placing gentle kisses on his thighs before licking up his cock. you bobbed your head down, slowly taking his tip in your mouth, swirling your tongue around it.

his hands go to the back of your head, grabbing some hair from the nape of your neck and holding your head, lightly guiding you up and down his cock. “so pretty like this..” he moaned, locking eyes with you and placing a kiss on the top of your head.

your hand jerked the base of his cock while your mouth tried to fit all it could, slobbering all over him as you sucked him off. he was a moaning mess, whispering sweet praises in your ear. “mmm, you’re doing such a good job.” he let out a breathy laugh and cupped your cheek.

you quickened your pace and his noises only became louder. “so close..” he closed his eyes and bucked his hips gently into you.

he let out a strained groan as you felt his hot load shoot into the back of your throat. releasing ryan’s cock with a pop, you swallow his cum, wipe your mouth clean and try to catch your breath.

he pulled you up onto his lap and kissed you hard. “so hot..” he whispered, repositioning you so you were closer to him.

he jerked his cock a few times before positioning himself over your folds. he ran his tip through them a few times before slowly entering you. his eyes widened and his mouth fell open as you squeezed his cock with your warm hole. “oh god..” he whispered in your ear, hugging you close. he buried his head in your cleavage and began to move his hips up and down. you join him, quickly finding the pace in which you’d go in that moment.

you watch from the window behind as party goers enter in and out of the house. the windows of the pool house were fogged up with hot breath as he pumped in and out of you. the sound of skin on skin echoed throughout the small room. “you-“ he babbled, “-so hot- god, i love you..” he laughed, running his hands through your hair.

you place small hickeys along his collar bone, hoping maybe someone will see them when you go back into the party. his hand reaches down to rub circles on your clit, bringing you closer to your release..

“fuckkkk,” you giggle, “next time.. we uh.. do this-“ you said in between thrusts, “i want.. to not be in.. some ransom persons… pool house..” he laughed in response. “please,” he groans, pace quickening as he grabs your ass. “fuck!” you groan, cumming on his cock. it happened so much faster than you had anticipated. he continued to thrust for a minute but then pulled out and began jerking it.

“can i,, cum on your,, face?” he groaned. you moaned and nodded, hopping down and squatting in front of him as he continued to jerk in front of you.

he shot his load all over your face, groaning loudly, and placing a kiss on your lips before catching his breath. “wow,,” he laughed. “that was… amazing..” “y-yeah..” you giggled, placing a kiss on his cheek.. “sorry i… did it all over your face, here, let me help. he picked up his shirt and helped you wipe his cum off of your face. “i don’t… need this…” he laughed. he pulled his pants up and zipped them. he helped you get your clothes back on.

he put his jacket on and zipped it up all the way to hide the fact that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. he threw the shirt into the corner of the pool house and continued helping you put your clothes back on. he buttoned up the back of your bra and helped you with your shorts. “thanks, ry..” you smiled, kissing his cheek. “we gotta do this more often,,” you winked, opening the pool house door for him.

you two walked back into the crowded house together, hand in hand.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A/N, thanks for reading! i’m sorry if it sucks, i kinda rushed the ending :0 DM for requests, it would be greatly appreciated if someone helped me with prompts so i can get more writing out! thanks! <3

#Spotify #ryan ross x reader #ryan ross #panic! at the disco #panic at the disco #patd #p!atd #ryan patd #pre split patd #ryro #brendon urie #brendon urie x reader #emo #2000s emo #early 2000s #2000s #emocore

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vampynights · 9 months

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HIII!!! i'm so glad to see someone who writes for ryro😭💘 could u do ryan ross x reader hcs in which the reader is likeee anxious or in a bad mood or something & ryan comforts her?? ^_^ something sweet n fluffy please!!

✰a/n: HI ANON !!! thank u for being my first request!!! sorry if it isn’t exactly what you wanted, it’s my first time doing headcanons for him and I wanted it to be somewhat realistic. this one came at the right time tbh, i’ve been very stressed and anxious about college applications and shit so this was definitely needed. I love ryro and understand the struggle of not seeing enough people write for him, haha. hope u have a good day !!!

✰RYAN ROSS — headcanons for ryan with an anxious s/o !!!

✰warnings: mentions of anxiety, panic attacks, and just overall being stressed or having bad days. dont worry though, there’s comfort and lots of fluff!!

— i honestly feel like despite being an amazing lyricist, ryan probably struggles with actually saying things to comfort someone or talk to them.

— he’s probably dealt with how own anxiety and knows how it can hit randomly or what can bring it on and he knows how to deal with it

— that being said, he definitely doesn’t like to see his own s/o suffer from it as well.

— if you’re expecting to have a bad day at work he’ll send you a message before you leave to cheer you up

— probably something simple like “have a good day at work, you got this :) -ryan”

— he definitely will play you a song on the guitar if you ask him to, though he’s a little shy about it.

— he sings super quiet at first but gets louder when he notices that you calmed down after hearing his voice.

— if you’re a dog person he let’s you play with dottie and cuddle her !!!

— if you get home from a really bad day you don’t even have to speak, he just sees it on your face and gives you a hug without saying anything.

— once or if you start crying he’ll rub your back and just whisper in your ear to let it out :((

— if you need to rant he is an AMAZING listener. he may not contribute much to the conversation but he’ll listen and give advice if you ask.

— y’know that lyric ‘melt your headaches call it home”?

— yeah he emphasizes the FUCK out of that lyric when he sings that song to you if you’re having a bad day.

— i feel like he’d have a thing for playing with your hair to get you to fall asleep if you’re struggling. like he’ll have you lay your head on his lap and he’ll absentmindedly run his hands through your hair and scratch your scalp while reading or something

— now if your anxiety is REALLY bad to the point where you have a panic attack he is so quick to action

— he knows better than to just tell you to ‘breathe’, he’ll actually guide you to breathe with him and then make you do grounding techniques to calm down

— he doesn’t like to hold you too tightly when you’re having them because he doesn’t want to suffocate you, so he’ll lightly wrap his arms around you from behind and rest your back on his chest

— once it’s over he’ll tighten his grip a little more and try to talk to you about what happened, though dosn’t push you too hard if you don’t want to talk about it.

— he probably cooks your favorite meals if you’re having a bad day and just wanna eat your comfort foods, like he’ll have like recipes and stuff written down in a little book or in his notes app and look at them whenever he notices you aren’t feeling well.

— if he notices you’re stressed with something he’ll offer to help you finish it or will do it for you

— nighttime is always the best time for the two of you. he’ll sing you to sleep if you’re really tired and upset and then will stay up for a while later to make sure you’re alright

— if you aren’t as tired or have too much on your mind he’ll talk to you about anything and everything until you eventually fall asleep. like, the two of you will have conversations debating children's show for HOURS if it means getting your mind off of whatever is bothering you

— overall he’s a very attentive and caring bf who may not have a lot to say but he will go far and beyond to make sure you’re ok !!!

#ryan ross #ryan ross x reader #ryan ross headcanons #panic! at the disco #a fever you can't sweat out #pretty odd #pre split panic #p!atd

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tomorrowillbeyou · 1 year

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alright, i'm not sure how much of this is already commonly known but i have been investigating the source of these images:

and this video:

youtube

a comment on this blog post suggests that they were taken in sydney:

the upload date of the video also dates the events to before january 2008. we know that tucker rule and james dewees were there. the song they're singing is gloves by reggie and the full effect:

youtube

for these reasons, i THOUGHT that the photos and video were taken at the sydney entertainment center on november 30th 2011. reggie and the full effect opened for mcr that night and gloves was on their setlist:

this is backed up by this youtube comment on the dancing queen video talking about fluxuation in sydney (i unfortunately can't find the video it mentions but the channel is here):

tucker talks about playing for mcr in australia in 2007 in this podcast clip:

youtube

this was what i THOUGHT. and i was going to post this but i thought i should do a little more research just to see if i could find anything more. and i stumbled across this livejournal post:

every single image on the post is broken. but i'm pretty confident that the pictures we all know and love were in there.

^this one especially seems to line up. they were taken at a bar called the lobo plantation in sydney on november 29th 2011.

the captions of the other pictures make me SO mad that they were deleted. im so fucking curious. well thank you to deleted livejournal user theyoungpretend for (probably) being the one to post these historical images. if anyone knows of any way to access the rest pls lmk (tinypic went down and all the images hosted on there were deleted)

also this picture seems to have been taken on the same night??

here are some more (questionably worded unfortunately. like some of these are really insane) posts which mention what happened:

x (i think this may be from one of the people in the picture above?), x, x, x (hidden in. ryan ross/matt cortez fic?), x, x, x, x, x, x (masterpost where almost all the links are broken). ive saved all of these on the wayback machine in case they ever get deleted.

this iconic ray moment was the day after btw:

youtube

if anyone has any more info or any pics PLEASE let me know!!!!!!

#even if this already is common knowledge i havent seen any posts that talk abt it so . im educating the people #mcr #ray toro #tucker rule #james dewees #<- tagging those involved in the incident. i guess #there are also video links in the livejournal but im not putting those in the post out of deep sympathy for tuckers digital footprint.#im guessing 90% of people wont click the link but if anyone does or sees these tags um. there they are i guess #im SO serious abt the videos btw be normal pleaaaseeeee #ya this is what i stayed up all night for and now my head hurts. lmfao well i hope its of use to at least someone #if i notice a mistake in this after i post ill acc kms #tucker lean deep dive!

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xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx · 2 years

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Never Walk Away Again - Ryan Ross x Reader

Summary: A few months after a big fight Ryan spots you, his best friend in the crowd at a show. Reader: can be read as any gender (no pronouns used) Warnings: reader got cheated on (not by Ryan!), break-up (also not with Ryan), maybe slight emotional cheating on reader’s side, but not reall Word count: 2 853 A/N: Happy Birthday to the guy who said we’d get an album soon in 2019, and still hasn’t published anything since then. I forgive you under the condition that you are happy.

The lights made it almost impossible for Ryan to see beyond the first few rows of people standing packed together in front of the stage. Ryan had expected the small venue to maybe be half full, but it seemed he had been wrong; it was almost sold out. Blinking against the light, getting ready for the last song of the night, he stepped closer towards his mic, fiddling around with the capo, adjusting it on the neck of his guitar.

“Okay, we‘ve reached the final song,” he spoke into the mic, trailing off at the end. “The lights make it really hard to see all the way to the back, but I just wanted to thank you all for coming out here tonight to see us play. It was a pleasure and an honour to do so, and I’d love to meet you guys later at the merch table.”

The audience cheered, making Ryan smile, as the drums began picking up the beat for the last song. Ryan had barely played the first few chords, when his eyes, wandering through the room, spotted someone he had expected to never see again, surprising him so much he almost would have missed the next chord.

You were standing at the side, leaning against a wall, not dancing like others, just watching, just listening. Ryan’s heart beat in his throat, as he glanced at you again. There was no doubt: it was you, his best friend, who he had not seen in months. Well, you were his best friend. If you still said the same about him was something he did not know. He could not blame anyone but himself if you did not.

You had been friends for years, and it had not taken Ryan long to fall for you back then. But he had never told you, never acted on it, because he knew you were in a relationship, and he did not want to risk the friendship that connected you. For years he had lived like this, meeting you for movie evenings, going on walks, to concerts, out drinking or shopping, always knowing in the end it was not him you were going home with, but instead you would return to your boyfriend John. It had killed him a little bit, every time.

When about half a year ago he had found out John was seeing someone else at the side, he had been torn up about what to do. For over a month he had tried to convince himself that it had not actually been John, but some random guy who just happened to look like him, who Ryan had seen, but when it had happened again, when John and some model-like chick had begun half-way making out in the next booth over from where Ryan was having breakfast with some friends, he had decided to confront John.

John had never liked Ryan, something Ryan was well aware of. John had the tendency to want to control who you had contact with, and Ryan knew that some of the meet-ups you had cancelled had been cancelled because John had made a drama out of you meeting him. Ryan also knew that John thought himself to be above Ryan, looked down on him. So when Ryan had caught up to John outside the diner and told him to come clean to you about the chick he was seeing, or Ryan would tell you, John had only laughed at him. He’d never have the guts to do it anyway, he had said, and that you would never believe Ryan. Ryan had insisted, had given him a two week deadline, making John roll his eyes.

When three weeks later Ryan and you had taken a walk through the park, and you had told him how good things were going with John, he had burst out that John had been cheating on you. In hindsight Ryan really did not know what he had expected you to do. Cry and hug him, thanking him for telling you? Certainly not. But if he was honest, he had not expected you to accuse him of being a liar either. You had asked him if he was trying to break John and you up, and why. Ryan could not even admit to himself, that maybe a small part of him wished you would break up with John and instead take interest in Ryan, but he told himself he just did not want you to live with a lying, cheating piece of asshole longer than you already had.

That conversation had been the first (and last) time you had fought, the first time you had raised your voice at him. Ryan had tried calming you down, had tried assuring you he was telling the truth, but instead of listening you had turned around, and stormed down the small path you had come up, back towards the parking lot.

Ryan had given you a head start, having hoped by the time you had reached the gates to the park you might have calmed down, but when he had reached the exit himself you were nowhere in sight, and the car with which you had driven both of you here was gone, so Ryan had taken the bus home.

He had not seen you since, had not talked to you.

How many times had he dialled your number but never pressed call? He was scared of calling. Were you still mad at him? What if you had blocked his number? He was certain he could not take that rejection, so he had never dared contacting you. For your birthday he had bought a tiny key chain plushie of your favourite animal, but he had not known your address. He had gone back to your flat, but your name was gone from the door bells, John’s too. He had ended up squeezing the plushie into a small compartment in his guitar case, and left it there, always carrying it with him. A constant reminder of having lost you.

But now you were here, watching him play a song he had written about an evening he had spent with you. The song was as melancholic as it was hopeful. He could almost smell the salt of the sea, and feel the waves licking at his feet whenever he sung it, recalling the evening the two of you had spent wandering along the beach, collecting pretty sea shells, sand sticking to your hands where you picked up the shells, and feet, there you were dragging your toes through the soft ground.

He had almost worried a little, when he had played the song for you the first time. It was too much of a love song to not cause him to worry. Why would he write something that could easily be understood as a declaration of love for his best friend? If you had asked him, he might have taken a leap of faith, and answered truthfully, but instead you had smiled, told him how much you loved it, that it might well be a song you would have listened to that evening, as the sun had sparkled red and golden on the waves.

Now the song floated through the room, the audience singing and dancing along. Ryan saw friends twirl one another around, and he could not help but think that if he had been in the audience with you, hearing this song being played, he might have done the same with you. His eyes flickered back to where he had seen you. You were still leaning against the wall, head tilted slightly, a soft expression on your face. He quickly looked away again, his heart racing in his chest.

~*~

When he went out to meet the fans who had been staying behind after the show, he could not spot you anywhere, making his heart sink, thinking maybe seeing you had just been wishful thinking, or that you had left intentionally, not wanting to talk to him.

He took pictures with the fans, pushing the thought of you out of his mind, signed posters, CDs and vinyls, chatted with everyone who wanted to talk to him. And when he finally made his way backstage again after having waved good bye to the last fans, a bunch of girls who had surprised him with the story of how his music had brought them together as a group, he found all of his band members had left already.

Tiredly he rubbed his eyes, feeling the disappointment of not having gotten to talk to you settle heavily in his stomach. He shuffled over to his guitar case, which the others had left behind. They knew he prefered taking care of his instrument himself. He clicked open the lid, checking the guitar was inside. The key chain plushie he had bought looked up at him reproachfully as it always did, with its little, black stich-on eyes.

“Hey.”

The sound of a soft voice almost made him jump out of his skin, the recognition of the voice raising his heartbeat almost painfully.

Quickly spinning around, he found you sitting on a table in the corner, where he had not seen you coming in. Earlier he had seen you from a distance, from up on stage, but seeing you so close, just a few meters away made him dizzy. You looked good, cute, sexy in a completely relaxed way. You wore a shirt that loosely hung around your body, and a pair of short trousers. Your hair was different from the last time he had seen it, but it made you look even cuter than he remembered you.

For a moment he just stared at you, not having expected you might have snuck back here, but then again the whole band knew you, and nobody would have stopped you from coming into the backstage room.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out, finally getting to say the words he had wanted to say for months, ever since he had last seen you.

“No, I’m sorry,” you looked away, your eyes scanning the room, “for blowing up in your face.”

“You had every right to,” Ryan shook his head. He wanted to walk over to you, wanted to hug you, to take your face in his hands and just look at you for hours, but he stayed rooted where he was. “It wasn’t my place to-”

“But you were right, weren’t you,” you asked with a shrug. “John had been cheating on me. And I knew it. I’ve known it for months. Suspected it at least. You telling me just made it real. And I didn’t want that.”

Ryan swallowed hard.

“Still, I shouldn’t have- I didn’t do it with ill intention, just didn’t want you to… I didn’t want you to end up as one of these girls who gets married and the groom disappears with one of the bridesmaids or something.”

Ryan’s head shot up as he heard you chuckle.

“Never intended to marry him anyway, no worries there.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah.”

For a moment there was silence spreading through the room. You were not looking at Ryan, just at the wall, while Ryan took you in closer. You looked tired, but generally healthy. Healthier than when he had last seen you.

“I broke up with him,” you suddenly said. “Just so you know. I went home right after you told me, and broke up with him. Honestly, I should have done that years ago,” you admitted. “But I was scared, which might be another reason I denied it, when you told me.”

“Scared,” echoed Ryan.

“Scared because I’ve been with John for so long, that I wasn’t sure I knew who I was without him. What I’d do without all these goddamn restrictions he put on me, what I’d do if I actually had the freedom to choose everything for myself. Turns out it wasn’t him I needed in my life after all.”

“Who then?”

You shrugged, finally looking at Ryan again. “You?”

His breath hitched, and for a moment he almost thought maybe you were saying you needed him as more than a friend, as much as he needed you, but he pushed the thought aside. Baby steps, he told himself. For now you were just here to talk, perhaps not even considering him a friend anymore.

“I came here because I missed you,” you continued. “Hell, I thought about you every day, wondering if I should call you or something. But you hadn’t called either so I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to.”

“I was scared you didn’t want me to call.”

You blew air out of your nose and rolled your eyes. “Wow, we’re two proper idiots, hmm?”

Ryan nodded.

“Anyway,” you continued, “I came because I wanted to see you, wanted to know if there’s still a way to fix things.”

Ryan was about to say something but you silenced him by lifting your hand.

“But I can’t expect you to agree to try without you knowing the whole truth, and that’s that I wasn’t just scared of not knowing who I would be without John, but also of knowing the moment I wouldn’t be with John anymore, I’d try to be with you.”

“Be with me?” Ryan felt his stomach fill with butterflies, but did not yet dare to hope. Maybe he misunderstood.

“Yeah. And not because I’d be so devastated about John that I’d try to find someone to take my mind off him, but because-” you took a deep breath, “because I’ve been completely in love with you for… so long. And I always told myself that I was with John, and it was better this way and we were just friends, and that you didn’t want more. So I was scared that if I’d break up with John, and told you how I feel, I’d mess up things with us too. But things are already messed up, hell, we haven’t even talked in over three months, so I don’t know why I shouldn’t just try, you know? Maybe I’m lucky and you actually want me back in your life. As a friend. Or… I don’t know. Something else. Something more, maybe, if you want to try. But if you’re not interested, that’s fine, it’s okay. I just miss you and if you still want to be friends then-”

You were rambling, but Ryan barely had registered anything after the part where you had said you had come here to ask him if he wanted to try to be more than ‘just’ friends. And you had said: you were in love with him, had you not? So you wanted him, you wanted to be with him. The look in your eyes told him that you wanted it just as much as he did. So he did not even think about it, when he quickly crossed the room, over to where you were sitting, grabbed your face in his hands, and interrupted your rambling by slamming his lips against yours, years of pent up emotions unloading themselves at once.

You gasped in surprise, but your body reacted on its own, throwing your hands around his neck, and pulling him in, shifting your legs so he could stand between them, while his hands wandered away from your face, one into your hair, the other down your neck, down your back, until it was resting at your waist, tucking you closer to him. It was not until his chest pressed to yours, the only thing separating you now your thin shirt and his tank top, that it quite sunk in what was happening. He was kissing you, hot and urgent and it drew all breath from your lungs, made you dizzy with emotions, made your heart soar. You had dreamt of the feeling of his lips, the taste of his tongue, the brush of his breath for so long, that it felt unreal, really having him kiss you now. The sensation was overwhelming, and you could do nothing but follow Ryan lead, as he desperately kissed you, as if he feared you would disappear any moment from his hold.

You only drew back from the kiss when the need for oxygen became overwhelming, and gasping for air you dropped your head to his shoulders. He was warm, familiar, safe, his longish brown hair softly tickling the side of your face. You could feel him wrap his arms around you tighter, could feel him pressing his nose to your hair, inhaling deeply with every breath he took.

“I’m never gonna let you walk away again,” he whispered, pressing his lips to your temple, hot and sweet.

You just nodded in response, unable to form words that could have expressed how much that meant to you, how much he meant to you.

And when you had caught your breath, you kissed him again, softer this time, and then again, and again, neither of you quite able to believe that after so long you were finally holding each other as you had always dreamt of.

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