#sam and abuse

[queerfables]

My pettiest and most tenacious gripe with supernatural is that when Lucifer is not taking a vessel but projecting his own image of himself, he should be played by Jared Padalecki. I know that for whatever mysterious reason they wanted Mark Pellegrino back but I just think this was a huge missed opportunity.

Lucifer considers Sam's body his rightful vessel, as much his own body as it ever was Sam's. In the cage he should have presented himself this way when he wasn't actively possessing Sam, and Sam's hallucinations should have been of his own cruel smirk. It's consistent with Lucifer's characterisation, his objectification of and entitlement to Sam. And it's impact on Sam would be so powerful.

After Lucifer, he avoids mirrors. Looks away from the impala's night-darkened windows lest he catch his reflection. His stomach turns at old photos of himself. He doesn't have many, but he's held onto some of his family. In one with Dean, his arm is slung easily around his brother's shoulder, both of them with beers in hand and matching smiles. It's a rare memory of peace, an image he's treasured for years, and when he looks at it now he feels panic crawling up his throat. He grits his teeth to hold back the snarl of "get away from him". He never looks at his hands any more, when he changes the car's oil or cleans the guns. He touches other people as little as possible. Everything's different. His body makes him an invader in his own life. He was born unclean, a soul tainted from the start, but now he looks into his eyes and sees a monster.

#supernatural #lucifer supernatural #sam winchester #samifer #cw abuse #cw trauma

[ladylightning]

the way the absence of john winchester haunt sam and dean in ways that are more real than any ghost they have ever faced. the way john echoes so loudly in the narrative even in episodes he’s not mentioned, in seasons where he never appears. the way john possesses dean when he’s angry and sam when he’s grieving. the way john is the one true god of the narrative, the absent father who does not answer prayers or phone calls. the righteous man who does not break in hell but breaks down and hands his child a gun. john and the memory of his holy mary. john the prophet and his sacred text. john and his prodigal son that he knows has to die. 

#john winchester #john as a character and narrative tool is so fascinating to me #the way the show utilizes both his presence and absence #the intergenerational trauma and cycle of abuse stuff is what elevates the show #even when the writers are fumbling the motw stuff or the season arcs #the impact of john is still so apparent and raw and visible #a lot of that is on the actors vs the writers tho #john winchester hate club #supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester #SPN

[sadgirlbadpoems]

I think that the Supernatural fandom doesn't give Dean Winchester enough credit or hold John Winchester accountable nearly enough. I would argue that John's abuse (mental, emotional and physical) and its constant effect in both boys lives is constantly downplayed by a majority of the fanbase.

The parentification of an elder sibling has been proven to cause lasting issues and we see this throughout the show; when Dean is overly protective of Sam, treats Sam's life as more valuable than his own, can't picture a life where he's not needed, and his dismissal of Sam as a valuable contributor in an equal partnership. Dean is often criticized both in canon and by fans for being overbearing and codependent on Sam. This is a direct result of John Winchester's inability to parent.

Dean's emotional repression is shown to be caused by his father's militant behaviors and approach to parenting. Dean doesn't see his feelings as valid or important and thus turns to repression or unhealthy coping mechanisms as illustrated throughout the show. His alcoholism, violent outbursts, and unhealthy relationship with sex are all coping mechanisms he uses not to feel.

Through flashbacks (and some dialog) the viewer is show that Sam is more resentful towards John than Dean, and that he even holds resentment towards Dean for being the "perfect little soldier".

That's part of the reason Castiel is such a great foil for Dean, both are loyal to absent fathers' but while Dean was born with free will he follows his father's orders unwaveringly until sometime after his death, Cass a being created without free will breaks free of the command of his father and from his father's mission, becoming for all intents and purposes a Prodigal son like Sam.

Dean's adherence to his father's word is, much like Sam's rebellion a response to continued and repeated abuse, neither brother is perfect. And their father was the furthest thing from it.

#supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #john winchester #john winchester bashing #cw alcohol #tw abuse #cw sex mention #am i really talking about this in 2024 #spn #castiel #dean deserved better #sam did too #parentified child #sorry for the rant #i have so many thoughts #and feelings

[wormieapple]

please understand that i will never and can never condone John Winchester’s actions but some of y’all really don’t understand what “he did the best he could” means.

he neglected and at the very least emotionally abused his kids, and there’s a pretty good argument that he might’ve physically abused them as well. he isolated them, prevented them from forming any lasting relationships outside of immediate family, left them alone for days if not weeks on end with firearms and very little food. And that’s not even the half of it. and everything he did was a manifestation of grief and drive to protect his family. which does not in the slightest justify how he treated sam and dean, but it does lay out his morals and motives pretty clearly.

He loves his kids, he really does. and while struggling to deal with his own trauma he was doing everything he could in his mind to keep them safe. but that doesn’t make his best enough, not by a long shot. that doesn’t even make his best efforts good efforts. at the end of the day he abused his kids and royally fucked up their ability to cope with their own grief and trauma in ways that i cannot touch with a 10ft pole rn or i’ll be writing 57 essays right here and now.

and again i hate john just as much as the next person but he did not set out to abuse his kids. he didn’t have nefarious intentions when it came to how he raised his kids. he was a good person who turned into an abusive asshole due to grief, paranoia, and alcoholism. and it makes perfect sense that sam and dean still love him even if they recognize the damage he did to them. because they also know how hard their dad tried, and they’ve said as much several times. and i get it cause that’s how i grew up. my dad did everything he could despite his grief, despite his depression, despite working 14 hour days in poverty and homelessness, and he still neglected and emotionally abused me. not because he was a bad person, but because he had no tools to deal with everything he was going through. and his best wasn’t enough, his best failed me. and i still love my dad cause not every memory was bad, and he does truly love me and my siblings. And i’m lucky in a way that sam and dean never were because my dad recognized where he failed us, owned up to what he did and tries everyday to repair the damage he did.

I have closure, and that’s something sam and dean could never really have. but they do have the clusterfuck of emotions that is he tried his best and it wasn’t enough.

#one last one from the drafts #yall are seriously missing the reason y sam and dean’s relationship to their dad is so devastating by only saying fuck john winchester #and it shows #john wasn’t a monster he was a person and if u don’t recognize that via demonizing him u run a genuine risk of becoming the kind of person- #he was. because that’s exactly how john thought of his own father and how he treated the boys stems directly from that. #cw abuse #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #john winchesters a+ parenting #john winchester

[cabbagewithissues]

I had to go back and look, because it’s been haunting me ever since I saw Sam’s post that Grant was supposed to be at the middle podium for Game Changer Bingo^3: they used Grant’s stamp for the shoot and then made a mockup of Brennan’s in post.

#maybe everyone else figured this out #though I wouldn’t put it past Sam ‘what counts as psychological abuse against my peers?’ Reich to have a case of stamps of his friends #rain rambles #dropout #game changer #brennan lee mulligan #mike trapp #grant o'brien #college humor #sam reich

[wilsonthemoose]

Grey's Anatomy 10.03 Everybody's Crying Mercy

For Suncaptor's birthday event, for the prompt: Lucifer and Sam

#Suncaptorevent #sam and lucifer #Sam winchester #Supernatural edit #Tw torture #Tw abuse #Tw implied sa #Tw sa #edits tag #it's 27th here #(also if i dont post this now i WILL lose the will to post this version and not the other one so here)

[ikamigami]

ABUSE VICTIMS ARE NOT TREATED EQUALLY IN SAMS FANDOM AND IN THE SHOW

(even though I still think that it's intentional on showrunners part so it's not directed at showrunners that much)

I'm so tired of seeing takes of people who talks about how much Lunar and Eclipse's relationship is so complicated and at the same time say that everything is remotely okay with Sun and Moon's relationship.

Sun and Moon are the OG messed up relationship in the show. And yet I still see people who don't realize that. They act like Old Moon's abuse was nothing when at the same time they say that poor Lunar suffered so much from Eclipse. Don't get me wrong Lunar is a victim of abuse but so is Sun!

Sun thiks that he likes toxic people because of his relationship with Old Moon. He's afraid to speak up his mind because of Old Moon. He's scared of loud noises and darkness because of Old Moon. He's touch averssed because of Old Moon. He was afraid for a very long time to talk about his cats because of Old Moon. He doesn't believe in his own smarts because of Old Moon. He thinks that he's only good for cleaning because of Old Moon.

Even if now New Moon is willing to listen, Sun is too scared to say anything because he most definitely thinks that if he'll use the wrong word, Moon will magically start acting like Old Moon.

Sun is so afraid to take any action even if he'd like to because his last attempt to help ended with Old Moon dying.

Some people still brush off all these years of mental, emotional and physical abuse Old Moon inflicted on Sun. While they still hold over Eclipse's head the abuse his previous versions inflicted on Lunar.

Make it make sense!

We're bashing Eclipse for abusing Lunar because he's a villain but we don't care about Old Moon abusing Sun because he's one of the MCs!?

Yeah Old Moon wasn't a 100% evil monster. But yet he did so many amoral things and he was very abusive towards his own brother! But he regretted being like that and tried to be better.

We can say exactly the same thing about Eclipse. I hope that people who defend Old Moon's actions and abuse knows that.

I'm also tired that all of this abuse is just brushed off because "if they could communicate with each other better". How about no? Because don't you see that we can say the exact same thing about Lunar and Eclipse's relationship.

And whose fault do you think it is that there was a lack of communication between Sun and Old Moon?

If your answer isn't Old Moon then I don't know what to tell you.

And I'm so frustrated that people say that Sun is doing so much better when he still couldn't even processed his relationship with Old Moon and he was unable to grieve properly after Old Moon's death.

And I blame New Moon and Earth for this.

Sun needs help but he's continuously ignored by his own family and friends.

Lunar had it better than Sun because Monty arrived with help at the right time. No one did anything like that for Sun.

Sun was continuously blamed for bad things in his relationship with Old Moon by both fans and characters in the show.

Sun still very much suffers consequences of Old Moon's abuse and yet people don't care about it. Because it's not Lunar. The bean who suffered the most.

Screw the people who continuously play trauma olympics and gush over Lunar because he's so traumatised but at the same time ignore Sun's trauma.

#sun and moon show #sams #sams sun #sun and moon show sun #sun and moon show moon #sams moon #sams eclipse #laes #laes lunar #laes earth #tw abuse

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Solar: What’s Christmas?

Lunar: …

Moon: …

Sun: …

Earth: …

Ruin: …

Eclipse, in the background: How abused and neglected were you?

#sun and moon show #sams #five nights at freddy's #fnaf #fnaf solar #fnaf lunar #fnaf moon #fnaf sun #fnaf earth #fnaf ruin eclipse #fnaf eclipse #incorrect sun and moon show quotes #incorrect sams quotes #incorrect fnaf quotes #incorrect quotes #source: my brain #aka my missing 8am post #from december 29th #tw abuse mention #tw neglect mention

[cascigarette]

"whatever you do, you will always end up... here."

#sorry sorry jsut. s11 sam and lucifer #sam and religion!!! sam having to go back to the cage!!! sam praying to god and it ends up being lucifer!!!!!! #its cool j feel normal 👍 #sam and lucifer #sam and lucifer edit #sam edit #sam winchester #spn #spn edit #my edit #mine #religion tw #blood tw #torture tw #abuse tw #better quality if you click

[copperbadge]

Every so often I get an Anon ask where I'm not entirely comfortable responding in public with no cut or warnings ahead of the text -- it's not that anything inappropriate is being said, it's just sometimes the subject matter's a little rough. This is one of those, so I decided to copy and paste it and put it behind a cut; warnings for discussion of abuse and fraught familial situations.

You've spoken about having ADHD before, and i was wondering if you have any links to websites with resources for adults with ADHD that are more than the very generic "stay organised!", "eat healthily!", "avoid distractions!" things? like, something that explains ADHD and WHY getting organised is good, maybe? or how ADHD may intersect with anxiety? my mother finally went to a doctor and got (as i expected) an ADHD diagnosis, but the doctor told her medication wouldn't give her much at this point, which is fine, but she's just kept going as usual for her, which is not.

she has ignored everything i've told her before (like, to think ahead and prioritise, to make plans, to make lists, that she has to be systematic about it, to stay calm because if she has a plan everything should be done on time) but she ignores me. she just starts doing whatever, whenever, and then getting annoyed/anxious that "nothing" is done, and then she starts yelling at me.

i just want her to realise she MUST at least attempt to be organised, and that it's not just for work stuff, it's for everything, including every day stuff like chores. (also, i'd like to stop being yelled at. like, some of my first memories are of getting yelled at. it's been years and years of regular bouts of screaming. now i know it's her and not me, and i'd. like it to stop)

i apologize for the huge ask/rant, but yeah, do you know of any resources that explain the importance of being organised? i think if i show her something 'official' maybe she'll start doing it. or do you have any personal tips for talking to her about it? or a book about someone's experience with ADHD? anything. anything at all.

So there is...much to unpack here, as the kids say, both in terms of what you are asking directly and what you are not asking but what I'm going to address anyway. I don't have any great resources for what you're looking for, because neurodiversity comes in a lot of shapes and sizes even within a single diagnosis, and as you likely know I'm a big proponent of doing-what-works, and that's something a person has to figure out for themselves. A lot of people seem to find ADDitude very relatable and they are informative, but that's probably the best general resource out there to go deeper than surface, and a good place for her to start reading if she wants to.

But the real problem, Anon, is that she's never going to listen to you.

That seems like a real bold statement, but it is also extremely likely to be true. Most people who get a diagnosis start to work on themselves and learn more about their unique neurology; it's clear she's not going to do that, and you can't make her. I'm sure some of it is that she's been told her entire life, by people with much more power over her than you, to do those things: be organized, make lists, have a plan. They are the hardest things for people with ADHD to do, and she can't simply whip herself through them, and so she learned long ago to ignore anyone saying anything about it. Medication could help with that a lot, actually, so your mother's doctor really fucked you both by telling her it wouldn't do anything for her; whether she's taken that as permission to ignore the problem or whether she just believed him, he did a really shitty thing in doing that.

Your mother is neurologically incapable of forcing herself to do many things that neurotypical people find easy. There are workarounds, yes; some of us do extremely well if we decide that EVERYTHING has to be planned, and behave accordingly. Some of us find stopgaps. But that has to be a decision she makes, to find workarounds for herself. It's not something you can offer her with helpful websites or books, because she is also likely very deep in shame about it, to judge from her other behaviors. That's not your fault, which means it's also not your job to fix it.

And here's the other problem: you are in an abusive home situation where your mother is taking out her frustration with her mental illness by hurting you.

And that really really sucks and I'm really, really sorry. But the screaming-at-you, which absolutely should not be happening, is a result of decades of frustration at the world that won't accommodate her, combined with an inability to regulate her emotions. Unless she is medicated or learns better regulation or at least picks a different target, it's not going to stop. That's not your fault either. Some of it isn't even her fault. (Some of it is; mental illness is not our choice but it is our responsibility, and she is not behaving as either an adult or a parent should in abusing you because she can't find somewhere else to put all her emotions.)

Presumably you are either too young to leave or can't afford to, but the best possible thing you can do for yourself is get out as soon as you can, sever yourself from her financially, and then decide what level of interaction you want with her going forward. Honestly, may be the best thing for her as well, to realize that if she doesn't make a change, she will lose access to her child.

I realize that is almost certainly not immediately possible, however. Do not leave if you are going to a less safe situation, either. Be smart and strategic -- make your plans and prepare as much as possible ahead of time.

"So in the meantime, Sam, what the fuck am I supposed to do?"

Bearing in mind that we are going to assume you cannot help your mother, as she either doesn't want help or is in denial or both, the best thing you can do if you can't get out is to shore yourself up: remind yourself as regularly as possible that none of this is your fault, and do your best to protect yourself both emotionally and physically. IE, if she's not organized enough to buy groceries or cook, do what you can to make sure you are regularly fed -- do not concern yourself with whether she eats. That's her responsibility, she's a grownup. If you are likely to be yelled at for this -- well, she was always going to yell at you about something; it might as well be as a result of you caring for yourself first. As much as you can, spend time away from her if possible.

Given her past behavior, especially if you are an only child or oldest sibling, you may already be de-facto head of household; this may be simply a process of assuming actively that she can't fulfill that role, and doing what you can to care for yourself and any siblings. If you have other family who understand the situation, I strongly suggest tapping them for help. As much as you can, reach out to adults in your life you trust, and get their help in caring for yourself and your family without needing to depend on her for support.

I don't wish to stigmatize mental illness or addiction but living with someone in denial about the impact of their mental health on those around them is exactly like living with an addict: the best strategy is to expect nothing from them, remind yourself often that you are not to blame for this situation, look out for yourself first and foremost, and get out once you can. I'm really sorry it has to be that way, because it shouldn't be. But I'm concerned with you, not with her, and if you want to build a better life for yourself, it's going to have to be one that doesn't depend on you being able to change someone else.

I'm afraid I don't have a lot of books for you about that, either. I wish you all the luck -- you shouldn't need it, but unfortunately sometimes we still do.

#sam has adhd #mental health #abuse #toxic family

[suncaptor]

You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison // Sam Winchester

wary of triggers in the show / song and to note that it focuses on issues of abuse / violence / consent / addiction, some of which the show handles poorly || captions in youtube

#sam winchester #my chemical romance #you know what they do to guys like us in prison #spn #supernatural #three cheers for revenge #amv #youtube #lucifer #tw abuse #tw implied noncon #sambrady #sastiel #if you squint ig #spnedit #edit #sammy #sam and dean #dean #this is uhhh kind of vile be wary with it. i could probably write essays on what spn is doing here but i will never do that so have an amv #casifer #amvmine #mcr #incoherents #tw victim blaming #Youtube

[spiritmunie]

Sam Winchester // Free (Florence + The Machine)

#made yet another emotionally fraught sam amv loll i always make myself sad #i love florencenatural... i need to finish my florence cas amv... #sam winchester #sam winchester amv #sam and dean #sam and john #spn #spn amv #spnamvarchive #florencenatural #my amv #tw violence #tw abuse #tw drugs #tw flashing

[socksandbuttons]

Anyway! Here have some doodles form today and yesterday! We gots more Dadclipse and his babies backups! With Killcode, likely barged some doors to hold the grandchildren. And Lunars! Just Lunar's don't worry about it.

PokeAu with Minior Lunar and Lycanroc Bloodmoon. don't know what happened there HMNN, some mafia boys! Some colored drawings, Sun!Lunar and Servant!Eclipse, i like how eclipses came out

#its been a hot minute since i posted traditional doodles oops #sun and moon show #tsams #sun and moon show killcode #sams eclipse #sams lunar #smas killcode #sun!lunar #servant eclipse #baby au #minior lunar #lycanroc bloodmoon #myart #yeah and like a snippet of barbie papyrus lol #mafia lunar #tw abuse mention #baby backup au

[franklespine]

The scene at the start of All Hell Breaks Loose where Dean talks to Sam's corpse in that shack in the middle of nowhere is soul crushing to an incomprehensible level that the show hardly ever manages to reach again.

Firstly, what is revealed about Dean as he spills his heart open is devastating on a whole other level. Like there's grief and then there's this - it's like a piece of him has been torn out and he's left unable to literally function. It's not really a new idea in the series up to this point that Dean has centered his life around his family, in particular protecting Sam. As he starts off, he wishes so desperately that Sam didn't start asking questions about their family so Dean could preserve his innocence just a little bit longer. No doubt John put a lot of pressure on Dean to protect and look after Sam, but taking on this role was something that was all but written inside him, as he says, John didn't even have to tell him to do it, Sam was his responsibility. The tipping point in this scene is when Dean finally asks "what am I supposed to do" - how can he even begin to move beyond this? He doesn't care if the world ends anymore, doesn't care if Azazel wins and he never gets revenge. In asking this question Dean realises that he is incapable of letting go of Sam, of the responsibilities to his family he has built his life around like the grain of sand at the centre of the pearl, and of the crushing guilt that comes with 'failing' these responsibilities. The only way forwards is to force the laws of nature to bend for him and bring Sam back from the dead, no matter the cost.

Secondly, this is heart wrenching to me for Sam too. Here he is, 23 years old and lying dead on a dingy mattress in a shack in the middle of nowhere - the only escape from his dark destiny found in death. But the primary reason it seems that Dean makes this massive sacrifice to bring him back isn't because he's 23 and has so much of life he deserves to live, but because he is incapable of living under the weight of his guilt in failing him - that he is Dean's responsibility that he can't live with letting down. And this is not to say that Dean doesn't also bring him back because he loves and care for him as a person, but it's not like Dean was sitting there talking to Sam saying you didn't deserve this, we were so close to ending this, you deserved to go on to have a life that hasn't been built around and in grief and revenge, hell, you could've even gone back to university and had your happy ending. You know? It's like selling your soul for someone is a crazy batshit insane thing to do - the ultimate sacrifice. But same as with John, it seems that the reason behind it wasn't just pure love and desire for that person to live just because they didn't deserve to die. John needed Dean to be there to ensure Sam didn't go darkside - to kill him if he can't save him. In both cases it was out of love, but in this weird objectified way.

It's just so fascinating how this dynamic between the three Winchesters, love and sacrifice plays out in the early seasons. How supernatural finds selfishness at the centre of this seemingly sacrificial selfless act. The selfishness in martyrdom.

That's why this scene is just heart wrenching in my sad insane little head. Sam and Dean were crazy codependants before this but this scene marks a turn for the worst (in codependence) for them. This scene is like the solidification of Dean's belief that he is worthless and incapable of functioning without the responsibilities he holds to his family and solidifies that Sam is the little brother possession for Dean to protect and regulate until his time runs out and he's shipped off to hell - leaving him at the centre of his massacred family with all the fingers pointing in his direction. His mum was collateral damage to his anti-baptism by a demon, his Dad sold his soul for his brother's life to be the final yes or no in the decision of whether Sam deserves to live or not, and now his brother's gone and done the same for him. But hey, at least when Dean gets dragged down to hell it isn't with the weight of guilt that he failed his responsibilities.

(spoiler alert: he feels guilty for leaving Sam anyway and Sam spirals anyway).

#supernatural #spn #sam winchester #dean winchester #theyre just silly #silly little guys #i mean i could go on and on about the selling soul thing in s2/3 as an allegory for the cycles of emotional abuse #but that is a whole other can of worms for a different late night text post #also MERRY CHRISTMAS #yippee #i hope anyone who reads this and anyone who doesnt a very happy holiday #spn 2x22 #all hell breaks loose #spn meta #i guess

[drfrankensteinvsthequeerborgs]

kids growing up way too fast both literally (Emma, Amara, Jack) and metaphorically (Sam and Dean, Claire, Krissy) is one of the major themes of SPN, it just keeps coming back, we're swimming in nickels

#dfvq liveblog #dfv queue #dfvq spn #spn11x3 #stay gold ponyboy #parentification #thanks it's the trauma #emma winchester #amara supernatural #jack kline #krissy chambers #claire novak #sam winchester #dean winchester #cw child abuse #cw child abandonment

[blacknidstang]

Demon Dean you were everything to me. you deserved you whole season, you deserved brutalizing your baby brother verbally and physically and sexually all the while looking stunning as the most gorgeous motherfucker, you deserved letting out every untold sick twist inside Dean, let his anger toward Sam, toward his family, toward the world flooding out until you wouldn't care. Oh demon dean you were like a bright shining falling star through the sky only to burn away too soon

#im obsessed with him #looked so good chasing sam with a hammer and verbally abusing him #best thing he ever did #dean winchester #wincest #spn #me waiting so patiently for kostas' fic