#seriously WATCH THE SURE THING

[lemonsrosesandlavender]

Questions about me!

Thanks for the tag, @sleketon666 ! 😄 won’t tag anyone else as this briefly veers into somewhat personal mental health territory (and is under the cut for mentions of that.) This was fun!

Do you make your bed?

Yes. Not super perfectly but I just kinda automatically tweak the covers on a morning.

What’s your favourite number?

Don’t think I have one. Numbers are more useful and interesting in aggregate haha.

What is your job? // A job you had that would surprise people?

Hmmm well not to go into too much detail, but my real-life work is in science. I guess that might surprise people who know me for my creative side over here! (But also problem-solving inherently requires creativity, and a good plot a good dose of planning and internal logic. Perhaps they aren’t so dissimilar after all ;) )

If you could go back to school would you?

What? Primary school? Secondary school? Non. Secondary was rough until sixth form. I was so fucking bored a lot of the time, and harassment in my school was rife. Although I would love to do lessons with my art teacher again; she was wonderful!

University-wise: already did. Horrible undergrad, in a very high-pressure place, that completely destroyed my sense of worth and all my plans for the future. Took a few years out, went somewhere less horrible, and crushed it. Ta-da! (I mean I’ll forever have a lot of lingering self-doubt but you know. I did the thing. And proved to myself I both love it and am good at it).

Can you parallel park? // Can you drive a manual car?

I hate cars (on both an experience level and an environmental/political level) and will avoid learning to drive for as long as I possibly can. Luckily I love big-city life, which makes that easier!

Do you think aliens are real?

For sure, in a balance-of-probabilities way. The universe is vast. Will we ever find them? Again, the universe is vast. At the very least though, there’s some alien microbes wiggling away out there. That’s fucking cool.

(And watch the science on this, bc we FINALLY have telescopes capable of surveying the spectra of some exoplanets. Exciting discoveries about other planets’ atmospheres to come, and their reflected light, which can provide indirect evidence of life!)

What’s your guilty pleasure?

Oh boy. Bad reality TV. It’s a guilty pleasure because I know it’s a) completely engineered and b) exploitative. (And c) complete brainrotting rubbish). But then someone says “the new series of Too Hot to Handle is out!” and OOPS I am THERE.

Tattoos?

Nope. I’m not a tattoo person. I think some people carry them off but I wear a lot of different clothing silhuoettes and don’t enjoy tattoos half-peeking out of cut-outs. (I just like a “neat” personal style I guess?)

Favourite Colour?

Mmm midnight blue-purple. Some colours are contextual: that one is always perfect. (But I love colour full stop!)

Any phobias?

WASPS holy shit wasps. I know it’s irrational as fuck, and I know they’re important to the ecosystem. That is, in fact, one of the few things I cling on to when they’re really freaking me out. But suffice to say, you’ll never catch me sitting outside a pub in September.

As a kid I was terrified of hand dryers and air conditioning vents. To the point I spent every supermarket trip looking up to see whether I was standing under a vent or not. It is perhaps not surprising I ended up with OCD lol.

Favourite type of music?

Late 70s/Early 80s new wave. Talking Heads and Blondie my beloveds. 80s alternative generally.

Do you talk to yourself?

Unfortunately mostly when I’m struggling with OCD. I’ll curse myself out and say horrible things to myself aloud as effectively emotional self-harm. It’s not nice. (Don’t worry, I’m ok ATM. And have had therapy).

I will muse to myself a little sometimes, on a more fun note.

Do you like puzzles?

Yes! I go through occasional phases of being seriously puzzle-obsessed. Love a good overly-complicated Sudoku variant.

What did you want to be as a child?

Palaeontologist, all the way. I LOVED dinosaurs and would read my dinosaur books constantly. I think my faves were T-rexes (OBVIOUSLY) and Parasauralophus (probably not how you spell that and I suspect my ten-year-old self would have done a better job!)

Coffee or Tea?

Love them both. I drink more coffee atm but tea is great too (Lapsang Souchong being my absolute favourite. I need to order more!) I am 100% a caffeine addict but I find it so soothing. Even when I’m anxious, I want a cup of tea (yeah, yeah, sensible it is not. But ahhhhhh so relaxing).

Favourite Movies?

Star Trek: The Voyage Home. Just everything good about TOS Trek. Wonderful.

The Sure Thing: Underrated 80s romcom gem about an uptight, studious girl and a slacker-but-sweetheart boy getting stuck on a road trip together. It’s got a lot of humour and a lot of heart. Plus a great instance of the “confession via essay read in class” trope, which I love. The gif below is from this movie!

It’s a Wonderful Life//A Muppet Christmas Carol - I adore a good Christmas movie, and these are the best. I’m an atheist, but I adore Christmas; to me, it’s about kindness, family and community, which is why these films have me bawling my fucking heart out every year. (Yes, I cry when muppet Tiny Tim says “god bless us, every one”. Fucking come at me. Sniffle).

#cabbage was tagged #seriously WATCH THE SURE THING #it’s so fucking good

[puppyeared]

doodles of my fav sillies

anton belongs to @poicyss

#my brain is a barbie dreamhouse and theyre all just living in it #im especially fond of the second one because my mom used to hold me like that all the time <3 #im drawing them a lot lately because im being crushed by the horrors and have to compensate for it somehow #homemade comfort blorbos...... #watch me draw anton inconsistently bc i can never decide if i wanna draw him close to how he actually looks #or yassify him and give him soft fluffy hair and kind eyes and defined features. head in my hands #i dont really have a lot of drawing ideas for them bc they dont have like. a canon storyline or anything methinks #its just stuff me and bow toss around and giggle abt thru messages lol. maybe ill draw infant vincent one of these days #i just come up with stuff and draw them doing it. it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside #cuz like anton works for lobocorp as an abnormality BUT hes super duper chill and cute and does his funny little tasks so its fine #AND hes unkillable. auggie is an oc ive had since like 6th grade and i smushed them together. and vincent was for fun but i got attached #i dont have much of a read on anton either bc i think hes meant to be more of an insert character??? if im using that right #on one hand i dont think too hard abt anything being ooc since im not taking it seriously. on the other hand i just hold them in my hands #and stare into space until i can come up with something to draw since i dont have much to go off of. but its fun to build on small tidbits! #i think bow called it an au so i guess??? its an au????? im not really sure. bow if youre reading this im just willy nilly #the only thing i know for sure is that they boink like rabbits. im talking gomez and morticia levels of boinking #maybe ill go back and look at my old doodles for them and redraw em lol #myart #my art #my oc #oc #friend oc #augusta #anton #vincent #sillies family #doodles

[offkilterkeys]

It sucks that Jane and Kanaya got shoved into the mommy friend roles cause they’ve got such potent exasperated older sister and bug eyed younger sister energy respectively

#homestuck #jane crocker #kanaya maryam #like seriously #Kanaya always being the mediator is peak younger sister behavior #Jane always assuming she’s gotta be the one who’s emotionally mature is older sister to the max #I wish people realized that there are more familial archetypes to be filled rather than just “mommy/daddy friend“ #btw their inverses are Jake and Karkat #with Karkat being peak exasperated older brother energy and Jake being the bug eyed annoying younger brother #like I know for a fact it was not Karkat who was coming to Kanaya for romance advice on that meteor #Kanaya’s like “But How Can I Be Sure She Wants To Take Things In A Red Direction?” #and Karkat’s eye is twitching and his shoulder spasms because he’s been watching Rose act like an idiot draping herself on Kanaya at every #moment possible #and is like #“I THINK I KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT KANAYA.”

[haaam-guuuurl]

The next Fantasy High spin-off season simply has to be the Rat World underneath Aguefort Adventuring Academy

You can't just say there's a rat mall with rat manequins and a whole rat universe without expanding, Brennan!!!

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #junior year #dropout #my posts #if there's one thing we learned from tuc it's that rat pcs slap!! #picture it - a whole party of kugrashes! #we've had the whole stoat season now it's time for the hidden world of rats! #seriously you can't just drop that and run dude 😂 #that's a whole spin off right there!! #first thought while watching the episode #finished and came straight here to post #this needs to happen #brennan's not on tumblr right? sam?? aabria?? can someone see this and make sure it happens??

[crownspeaksblog]

How the hell does ofmd manage to give me everything i love about tv shows, in one show?!!

It's funny, silly, stupid but somehow at the same time it's serious, deep and well thought out!

Characters change and develop in prominent ways, characters have arcs, what they go through affects them, things aren't stagnant. (1x01 stede is a coward who's trying to hide from the English, 2x08 stede throws himself over 2 soldiers, he's brave despite the fact he's out numbered. 1x04 ed wants to quit piracy but doesn't know how, 2x08 ed quits piracy a second time with stede even when the first time doesn't work out)

It's a beautiful romance, a queer romance between two people who have insane chemistry, a love story that has ups and downs, but in the end they're right there for eachother because what they have is True Love!

The show is shot so beautifully, it doesn't look boring, so many shows I've watched (although entertaining) are shot in the most boring/basic ways possible, ofmd has so many gorgeous still shots, a couple of fun one shots! (The bar fight one shot in 2x07 deserves more attention! Mer!stede and ed looking at eachother while floating in the water is genuinely one of the most beautiful shots I've ever seen!)

The outfits characters wear changes with their arcs and it makes sense story wise and the outfits are just so fun looking, it's interesting and different and so, so not basic. (Stede going from aristocratic silly little outfits to pirate shirts with deep neck openings and leather pants!! Hot! Also can't wait to see eds s3 outfit.)

The song choice is fun, the lyrics, beautifully add another layer to the story (I'm still not over the "I've loved him since he was born" lyric!)

The women in this show, although few and not main characters, they're interesting, different and not basic "normal" women, so many shows and movies I've watched, the men get to be weird, kooky and interesting while the women are just painfully normal, but in ofmd, the few women we got are either insane, wild, weird, violent or just not fucking "normal"! (the most "normal" woman we have is probably mary who was gonna stab her husband with a skewer through the earhole!! Also the addition of archie, former snake cult member is just amazing!)

The action we get every once in a while is just so fun! I love a fight scene and for the most part, they look good, it looks well done (again the bar fight and ed killing motherfuckers left, right and center in 2x08 is just so goddamn fun to watch!)

I know so many other shows have most of these things, but the fact ofmd has all of these things, that i just fucking love in one show is amazing, it's appreciated and on top of all of this, the show just makes me happy whether I'm watching it or watching people's reactions to it or even just thinking about it! I love this show even with the criticisms i might have, i love it!

#just had to talk about what i love about this show maybe I'm forgetting some but I'm pretty sure I'm not #but like seriously how many shows actually have all of these things?! #alot of shows have most of these things except for the female characters being wild/not normal and the queer love story aspect. #recently i watched nope and a thought i had was why is the kooky crazy character thats gonna die to get the perfect show is never played #by a woman. why is the calm collected cowboy who saves the day is never played by a woman?!! why is it that most times men play them?!!! #anyways i love ofmd. it's unique and just so fucking fun! #ofmd #ofmd s2 #our flag means death #ofmd spoilers #blackbonnet #tv shows #👑

[jicklet]

Nick & Ace in 4.06 – “The Web of Yesterdays”

#nancy drew #nancy drew cw #nancydrewedit #ned nickerson #ace [redacted] #ace hardy #nick x ace #ace x nick #cwedit #teendramaedit #v watches nancy drew #v posts things #a true bro is there to be backup for his bro even when he's pretty sure this is a bad idea #seriously though I love Nick recognizing that Ace is having a rough time and this is how he's dealing but not pushing him about it #Ace bristles at people saying he can't handle something or he doesn't know what he's doing #and the more I think about it Nick likes to be subtle with his advice #he so rarely comes right out with it unless someone's provided the space for it #and i think that works well for the two of them #i may have given myself another gifset idea oh dear

[mattodore]

theo was washing matthias's hair :(<3

#river dipping #echthroi #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #a burning house to live in #ts4 #ts4 edit #seriously suchhhhh a cute animation it’s just them washing each other <3 #i’d love to start making my own animations soon just so i can add a lot of domestic animations like this to my game #with ! the correct height difference and everything #i’ve watched a few animating tutorials already actually i just haven’t put it in action #bc it’s daunting to me…. it just seems really difficult 😭 #anyway this was me testing to make sure the shower worked in the master bathroom #during this cute little animation the other version of theo was stuck on a stool in the other bathroom unable to move 😔 #so i have to figure out what stopped the chair from functioning properly #probably the clutter around it bc again… theo’s apt. floors are messy #but i’m really glad i got some green tile in one of the bathrooms #idk why but i picture green tile and stained glass when i close my eyes and think of his apartment #and since i fr have zero stained glass cc the tile was the only thing holding me together #….:it doesn’t look green in these photos but that’s just bc my preset messes with the colors #reblogs are OFF 🙅 theo looking gorgeous is for our eyes only #also those are my other oc’s tattoos layered over some random ones so if they look familiar that’s why 😭 #carnal satyr is very fitting for matthias too tho lmao

[note-boom]

BSD S4 spoilers!

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I'm literally crying. What right does Oda have to look so tiny and adorable??

#im not sure if the source i provided is the official anime twitter but i think it is? #happy to take corrections if so #anyway AFJIWE OFJASIOE FJIOSAJEFIOJDF ASI i cannot WAIT until i can watch the episode #but for now ill just watch the fandom go stir crazy /I/ am going stir crazy!! #BUT SERIOUSLY IM OBSESSED WITH YOUNGER ODASAKU I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS BABY WAS AN ASSASSIN IM CRYING #i cry even more when i realize that he and ranpo are just a year apart like why? #protect the boy protect him forever #bsd s4 spoilers #bsd season 4 #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd ranpo #bsd odasaku #bsd fukuzawa #also love that fukuzawa looks as stern and 'i didn't want to adopt but now i have and i cant stop' as ever #bsd official art #anime things #anyway AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! #rambling in the tags sorry #edit: also ill get rid of the read more tag later i just wanted to give a fair chance warning etc

[13eyond13]

doing this amazing new thing called eating well EVERY DAY and drinking enough water EVERY DAY and trying to get a bit of a healthy walk in EVERY DAY and sleeping at least 7 hours EVERY DAY... and then looking at my Fitbit stats like a nerd to see what happens EVERY DAY... will let you know if anything interesting does happen

#because i need to take care of myself as well as my virtual pets and plants AT LEAST #but for some reason thats not nearly as fun #anyways fitbits are almost like gamifying self care to me #and so is reporting on things to my blog like a shitty scientist hahaha #i will say in the first few days of this my resting heart rate / heart rate variability has improved already #and i just feel better like. more steady with my energy/hunger and less thirsty for sure #my current meals are overnight oats + fruit and then like veggies and brown rice and chicken stir fries #just drinkin coffee and water and the occasional fresca #also some avocado eggs n toast if i want #not gonna lie i straight up asked ChatGPT to make me a meal plan that was healthy and not too expensive or hard to make hahaha #also one of my inspirations is watching the youtuber who makes bento boxes for her husband every day #i watch them as comfort asmr and they always make me want to cook something and pack a lunch #'imamu room' on YouTube seriously good stuff #i love the little catchphrase on her channel 'lets survive another week' hahaha #motivates me to want to DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN EVERY WEEK #p

[asgardian--angels]

you know it's bad when tumblr's being the more mature social media site when it comes to rancid takes on izzy's death

#ofmd #holy shit twitter's devolved into a battleground #what is WRONG with yall involving david jenkins in your beef #you dont have to like what happened but #how many fucking years in fandom does it take for people to learn to be civil #and not base their entire identities around characters so if anything happens to them it's a personal attack #that they then take straight to the creator #if a character dying causes you that much distress then that's a You problem and david fucking jenkins is not responsible #and he's not your therapist #and besides. just because something happened you didnt like doesnt mean it was a bad writing choice #but even if it were. you never have the right to make it anyone else's problem #i cant imagine having the gall #don't do this guys. the cast and crew are so lovely to us. don't make them stop interacting with us #people saying this show was a comfort show. or a safe space show or whatever. thats great for you #but it's not djenk's responsibility to cater to you and not his problem if the show doesn't meet your infinitely high expectations #he's telling a story. things will happen in those stories. #and it's actually p rare on tv that creators are getting to tell the story the way they want so personally im grateful #if you don't like his vision then don't watch it. you don't have the right to bully him. seriously whats wrong with you #cause yeah im sure con o'neill would love what youre doing huh #the fate of a fictional character is sliiiiiightly less important than being kind to people in the real world yknow #only tagging this so people can block for spoilers

[p4nishers]

"so is your son really the reason you don't date?" "it's like he's having an affair with his own wife, you don't think that's weird?" "seems like she's already back in yours" "christopher's pretty english teacher" "eddie, what would you say ana's love language is?" "hey, how was the big date?" "i thought i'd been single too long" "sounds pretty serious" "so what are you going to do?" "that's not how you talk about someone you're in love with" "is that enough?" "you could always ghost her" "okay so that's what this is, you suck at [dating]".

u see where i'm going with this?

#why is bro so fucking involved in his platonic bsf's love life like i get it they're BEST FRIENDS but also it's so painfully different from #how chim and hen react to and talk about eddie's love life cause yeah sure they care ofc but there are like FEELINGS involved yk??? like in #SEASON FUCKING 2 buck was literally obsessing over eddie and shannon's marriage and the others would like genuinely indifferent towards the #topic while my dude was going around airing his shit out to ppl who admittedly didn't care that much bc it WASN'T THEIR BUSINESS and it #wasn't buck's either until eddie decided to let him completely in. anyway most of these aren't really like in ur face jealousy things but #that man cannot hide a single emotion involving eddie diaz to save his life and his jealousy's been loud and clear since s2 or more like #possessiveness bc that sure fits more but its also just petty shit like 'outing' the eddieana relationship 'accidentally' w an 'innocent' #question. like my dude is NOT subtle at ALL and he needs to seriously stop being so fucking happy everytime eddie's relationships/attempts #fail like it's actually sickening to watch at this point the gay is too much even for me #911 fox #evan buckley #buddie #eddie diaz #buddie 911 #911 6b #buck x eddie #911 show #911 abc

[ahollowgrave]

What sorts of things do you think Odette has stolen from Yein? Does she change what she steals or does she consistently prefer certain items?

From strangers, Odette tends to steal things that are clearly lover’s tokens -- cufflinks, rings, bracelets and necklaces, handkerchiefs, watches - pocket and wrist. Anything with sentimental value that a lover touched just sort of… calls to her.

From friends, it’s different. She likes to take things they’ve handled a lot but won’t miss. At least not right away. She has pocketed many a roe-sized handkerchief from her friend, Yellow Rose, for instance, and she takes special delight in pulling one out when someone needs one.

From Yein specifically? Their spoons. The wooden ones they have brought to their lips time and time again, the ones oiled and worn by their fingers, the ones they have gestured with as they sit with Odette at the table in their home; talking and laughing and enjoying the silence together. Certainly, Yein will run out of spoons and when they do I’m not sure what she’ll switch to. Not more cutlery, that would be rude.

#Answered #Thank you for the ask my friend <3 #apologies I don't have a screen to accompany it lmao #Is it fucked up to steal the watch a late wife gave her partner? or anything like that? #for sure #odette does a lot of things that are weird and messed up #and I think people give her a pass because she's cute and too short to take seriously #she steals lover tokens because she struggles with romantic love and -- until very very recently -- #assumed romantic love was just not in the picture for her (and still doesn't think it will stick/last) #and it's envy is the main motivation #wanting to process something given in love that she might never get #from friends it's more a game for her #and also she's a pretty solitary creature who hates touching so pinching something her friends have handled #is like holding their hand long distance and without the fear of them being weirded out by how cold she is #a second answer in the tags just for you

[kittenbradensgf]

sooo funny how a year or so ago i was fervently defending the darkling on here who is truly the staple of a YA villain where the villain isn’t even that wrong and now? well im just a full blown tommy shelby stan. it seems that fiction truly is fiction. evil men will stay evil idk. i still love them. morality is whatever. yes i will defend tommy too wdym he killed innocents and was the worst possible husband imaginable.

#still find darkling antis soooo funny #they’d combust if they knew the problematic behaviours i was defending and babygirlifying #people need to stop watching things made for teens i think is the moral #or at least stop taking them that seriously #have fun with it. have a favourite war criminal. a favourite weirdo murderer gang leader man idk #once again requesting all crows stans watch peaky blinders your curse of being obsessed with a terrible media shall be lifted #hmm lets tag this then #the darkling #aleksander morozova #shadow and bone #six of crows #peaky blinders #tommy shelby #tommy i hate you but i love you and i am SO glad that most of the fandom is the same and not strange and puritanical #im not sure if you can be puritanical in the PB fandom though when the source material is. Like That #pointedly ignoring the alpha male sode of it though it does make for a funny image #imagine if people made alpha male darkling edits

[panharmonium]

“it would be meaningless if the citizens of the hidden leaf are dead” 

WHO is this root operative???  i need to know more

danzo is listening to this like ‘god no not another one who’s ready to have a life-changing chance encounter forcing them to re-examine their ideology and reject their misguided beliefs in favor of joining hatake kakashi’s found family; not again’

#naruto #pan watches naruto (again) #* #padmerrie and i got to this point in our rewatch last night and we both looked at each other like WHO IS THIS #in all seriousness though this is so interesting #in that it shows that there are other root members who are starting to ask Questions #like yamato did years ago #and like sai did more recently #i spend a lot of time thinking about post-4th war root #and about the enormous challenge of reaching them/connecting with them and rehabilitating/reintegrating them into society #and this makes me wonder if pain's attack had a similar effect on them that (in my own mind) sakumo's suicide had on the general population #in that it's a bit of a wake-up call #and even though it doesn't revolutionize society overnight it does make people start questioning certain things #and maybe make them more receptive to potential changes in the future #(and unrelatedly it's also really interesting to see how few agents there are here. only 16 in this scene) #(i'm sure danzo has some others scattered around doing his dark bidding in other lands) #(but i also assume that he's currently speaking to all the agents available in the village right now) #(and that makes sense bc if the foundation was officially 'disbanded' it would have been much harder for danzo to acquire new recruits) #(it's just interesting to think of the foundation as kind of a dwindling force) #(and danzo's bid for hokage as a kind of last-ditch desperate power grab) #(because his ideology IS losing and being pushed out in favor of changemakers like kakashi and naruto and tsunade etc) #(and popular opinion is changing with them)

[reikurusu]

So yesterday (Feb 21st) marks the one year anniversary of me starting to watch Buddy Daddies and I just...

What a year!

If you'd told me at the beginning of 2023 that I'd start watching anime, that I'd love anime and even cry over it, I would've laughed in your face tbh.

Yet here we are a year later and I can't believe that me deciding to watch a show about two hitmen who suddenly have to take care of a kid would impact me so much!

I started enjoying tumblr again, I've talked to so many lovely people in the fandom (both mutuals and followers <3) and I found something new I absolutely adore and can lose myself in!

And it's crazy to think that all of that came from a silly little found family anime! :')

#No but seriously #I've seen more anime that I would've ever thought I would in my lifetime #Some better than others obviously #But I still enjoy watching it! #I'm learning new words in a language I'd never thought I'd be interested in #and it's so much fun when I understand things without needing subtitles #It's become like a safety net when I'm having a bad day #I'm looking forward to coming home from work and just putting on a silly little show to relax! #And Buddy Daddies was the first one I watched! #It impacted me so much! It's still my favourite anime I've watched to date and I don't think that'll change #The feeling of looking forward to Fridays because there would be a new episode! #It meant so much to me at the time and still does #So... I'm not actually sure where I'm going with this #Just something to commemorate it I guess #Shut up Char

[topaztimes]

Hi this is a vent post! Continue scrolling if you'd rather not see that

#Giving time... #Still more time... #Wouldn't want to plague any previews #Maybe another filler. Just for some fun #Is this enough? #It certainly is now #Alright start: #I'm so bored. I am so incredibly; intrinsically; entirely bored. I have been taught the same thing for four years straight #'It's only four years!' that's literally a quarter of my lifetime right there. My formative years are being spent stressed and in a state / #/of constant self-loathing #I was watching a YT video and the phrase 'attention-starved STEM major' came up and I was like. Yea #What am I even working towards? The hope that my version of capitalist hell isn't as bad as everyone else's? I'm just so sick of not / #/having a stable future what with politics and normal working people becoming more and more oppressed #I don't want to work and that's not because I'm lazy. It's because my brain is recognising that there is no reward anymore #I used to have such a little spark in Yr7. I remember having things to say and wanting to share everything I've done #I still do that now; sure I do. I don't enjoy it though #I thought I liked drawing but I'm realising that all I really like is the attention. I COULD draw things I like drawing... but then I / #/ don't get attention which my mind then classifies as zero reward #I'm very tired of doing things for no credit; reward; or validation. This is becoming a theme #Then I wonder what I'm doing wrong. What part of the algorithm am I not hitting. Then I realise that I'm just not marketable in a way #God. I'm seriously breaking rn. It's not even only because of GCSEs #It's just a culmination of doing all these things to be told that I am unworthy of Having as a result. It doesn't matter if I'm smart; my / #/ parents still don't own their house and can't afford to pay for heating most days #Literally what am I doing this for #And then I realise that all of this is ALSO attention-seeking behaviour! I'm my own worst problem; I recognise exactly what's wrong with / #/ myself but the body wants what it wants. And what it wants is validation that I'm not going to get in this life #Hi guys! Maybe don't interact. That could fix me #Wean me off of needing virtual numbers just to feel something. Jesus #I can't even be happy with the things that I make for myself. Because I make nothing for myself anymore #It's just a whole sad existence of an expected 12hr+ of school every day until I get a job I guess. Then it's 12hr+ of job every day until