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radiosummons · 1 year

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My sister has been showing me episodes of OG Trigun--mostly in preparation for Trigun Stampede--but also because it's one of her favorite manga of all time.

And holy SHIT I cannot even begin to explain how fucking batshit this show is. Just hearing Johnny Yong Bosch's voice alone immediately sent me back at least fifteen years.

I have watched all episodes of OG Trigun while drunk, high and sober. And regardless of my state of inebreiation, I was always left with the exact, inescapable feeling of wanting to fucking die from the sheer nostalgic cringe and insanity of it all. I hate this show. I love this show. I'm fucking obsessed.

So, to all those who are curious (or would just like a mini idea of how to compare OG Trigun with Trigun Stampede)--here is my comprehensive list of things that ACTUALLY happened in Trigun that make me go absolutely batshit just thinking about them:

The sheer insanity of the--balls to the walls, barely held together with ducktape, spit and shoestring--of a plot, all with apparently little to no accuracy to the manga whatsoever. This both amuses and horrifies my sister.

The absolute refusal on the part of the anime to actually explain literally anything. Like the fact that the show takes place in space. Or why humanity is on a desert planet. Or what Plants are, why they're important, why they're there, literally ANYTHING.

Seriously, if you've only ever watched the anime you would have no fucking clue what the Plants are or what they even do. And THEY'RE LITERALLY ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT BITS OF LORE/A HUGE PART OF THE PLOT OF THE ENTIRE FUCKING MANGA.

A major bit of Trigun's lore/setting is just straight up the events of Wall-E.

Johnny Yong fucking Bosch as Vash's English VA. Enough said.

Vash--by simply existing and (mostly) through no direct fault of his own--is capable of wrecking such sheer and complete utter devastation that there's an actual insurance policy people can file after their town is destroyed in the aftermath of him visiting. Iconic.

Monev is just Spiderman's Venom but with a purple and orange reskin. This was intentional on part of the creator as he is obsessed with Venom. Good on him.

This is only specific to the English Dub (we switched to the original sub for the more "serious" episodes, calm down), but HOLY FUCK the absolutely atrocious line deliveries somehow make the show even worse and yet ultimately so much funnier all at the same time!

Millions Knives is the name of Vash's twin brother.

Vash is bisexual. There are multiple occassions where he will call a random male character "Cute" or "Cutie." Somehow, I am not the least bit surprised.

Christianity exists. And the Church trains orphans to be assassins. This makes perfect sense.

"LUUV AND PEEEEAAACCCCCEEE!!!!"

In the second episode of the series (English Dub), there's an actual scene where an old man and his grandson LOUDLY lament the absolute devastation of their home in the most inappropriately cheerful and candid way possible. And then the fucking kid follows that up by just singing out of fucking nowhere "~Bad times are here LALALALALA!!!!!~"

Vash is part gun.

According to "company regulations," as insurance workers Milly and Meryl are not allowed to take part time jobs. They later take part time jobs. My broke ass resonated too fucking hard with this bit.

"Oh, maaaan! Why can't I just get a break?! Death and poverty like me so much, they've brought friends!" Fucking. Mood.

At one point, Vash does the crab walk to dodge a barrage of bullets. This is, surprisingly, quite effective.

"I'll whack you, mister!"

Legato's introduction is him sitting down on a bench and then PULLING A HOT DOG OUT OF A PAPER BAG WITH A HUMAN HEAD IN IT!!!!

Legato has his own personal saxophone player that just follows him everywhere???????

"Oh my. I'm about to go down in ~fllaaaaaammeesssss!~"

Wolfwood.

In EP 16, someone just starts randomly scatting in the background for no reason. No explanation is ever offered.

"My name is .... VASH DA STAMPEDE-DUUUH!!!!!"

Also in EP 16, one of the villains for that episode sounds, deadass, exactly like Jar Jar Binks. I am not joking.

Legato can blood bend.

There's a mini episode dedicated to Milly and Meryl. Vash shows up for five seconds hiding in a trash can. The joke writes itself.

"The DEADLY DODGEBALL HEAD!!! A simple technique to hold the ball in place with INTENSE SUUUCTION!! Try this at home! ;)"

Knives eats an apple, cuts his own hair and enters his impromptu emo arc.

Legato gets horny over the idea of Vash crying. Idk what to tell you, man.

Wolfwood shoots a child. Granted, said child was gonna try to kill Vash and a bunch of orphans. But still.

Vash makes up a dark song about murdering and killing people. The villains of that episode proceed to roast him for his shit lyrics.

Wolfwood doesn't understand why everyone is mad at him for KILLING A CHILD.

"I meditate diligently every morning. The subjects are life and love ... I quit after three seconds."

The actually downright amazing OST, that has no right to be as good as it is. No joke, one of the best anime OSTs I have ever heard in my life.

"And if you're still having doubts, check out my 100% accurate gunmanship!" *proceeds to shoot directly at the sky only then for a black cat to fall directly on his head. The cat's fine btw*

At a certain point, Vash fakes his identity, gets a disguise and goes under a false name. Said false name being "Eriks." He looks like if someone ran Hohenheim through the washer and then hung him on a clothesline for a week. I have ... no fucking words.

"What is this strange phenomena? Is it some sort of strange and twisted Christian science!?"

For as menacing as they make Legato out to be, he sure does shit all in the grand scheme of things. Also he looks like he raids Seto Kaiba's closet on the DL and duels monsters on weekends.

Vash will randomly have Bishie eyes. Arguably, his most Bishie moment is right after Wolfwood punches him in the face. I'll let you infer what you want from this.

Rem randomly appears out of nowhere to taunt Vash with nonsense riddles and haikus. No explanation is ever given until EP 17 for who Rem is, why she keeps reappearing in Vash's mind, if she's even a real person or just someone Vash made up, etc. Because of this, it just looks like Vash keeps receiving American Beauty-style rose shower psychic attacks while a random woman just spouts absolute nonsense at him. There is no way this explanation will prepare you for the actual experience of watching it.

"I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz-" *prolonged pause* "-Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the Third. Don't hestitate to call."

Vash gets adopted by an old woman and her granddaughter. It's actually kind of sweet.

A minor villain in EP 18 demands that Vash strip and then act like a dog. He proceeds to do both without a single objection. Wolfwood pulls down his sunglasses and leers at Vash's naked ass. My sister has informed me that this is actually canonical.

Rem is a hyper Christian.

Wolfwood takes personal offense to a burlesque dancer being absolute shit at dancing. Honestly ... I can't even argue with him.

"Hey, 'Thou Shalt Not Kill,' REMEMBER!? WHAT KIND OF CHURCH MAN ARE YOU!!!?"

Vash saves a town's Plant through the power of Bishie.

While trying to save a child, Vash and Wolfwood both get sucked into quicksand. Said child just watches them go into the ground. I would have done the same.

Milly, Vash and Wolfwood decide to share drinks and before any of them even take a single shot, Milly decides to strip naked. Vash and Wolfwood are very pleased by this. Meryl is not.

"WHOSE idea was it to USE THE GRENADE!!!?? He can't be identified for the reward if he's a pile of pulp, YOU DUMBASS!!!!"

Wolfwood calls Vash pathetic. This kickstarts yet another existential crisis within Vash.

"Thank GOD you asked! It's a long story, although it's kind of a short one."

For literally no reason at all, child Knives decides to embrace his Anti-Christ symbolism and goes full Joker mode. This is not at all accurate to the manga.

Vash and Knives are aliens/Plants. Rem thinks they're actual Christian angels. Deadass.

Milly forces Wolfwood to pretend to be her baby daddy for a whole episode. For pudding. Yup.

Vash enters a dom/sub relationship with a Pokemon gym leader looking lady and they engage in extremely explicit pet play.

Anyway, watch OG Trigun. If you've ever watched any sort of anime abridged series, it will definitely make things a little easier for you. There are definitely too many points at which this show feels like a YouTube Poop and I mean in that best and worst possible way.

Also Meryl is Best Girl. I will not budge on this.

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cultofdixon · 1 year

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Focus

Daryl Dixon • They/Them Pronouns • How can one not notice how big a certain archer is compared to you? Hell…stirs up a thought or two • SFW/NSFW - unprotected sex (no glove no love) / oral (m receiving) / biting

Requested by: Anon

“Y/N. Why are you staring at him like a hungry animal?”

“Holy shit do you ever not speak your mind?” Y/N snaps through a hush whisper at their best friend as Rosita glared at them a moment.

“Why don’t you do anything about it? You two are already together. Or whatever your non-verbal stolen glance Victorian style romance is. Doubt he’s an animal but he sure as hell could make you feel good”

“Seriously. Is a part of your brain detached to the rest of it and just makes you speak your mind without a second thought?” Y/N groans hiding their face in their hands as they sat with Rosita at the picnic table while some of the men worked on the walls of Alexandria.

Rick couldn’t help but notice the two watching and then the sudden drop of expression from Y/N. He brought his attention back to Daryl who needed help holding the support while a third secured it in.

“Y/N alright?”

“Why?” Daryl frowns instantly quickly glancing over to the two seeing them smack Rosita in the arm as she laughed. “I think so, but again. Why?”

“I don’t know, just curious. The conversation looked heated one second and the other Rosita is laughing like a maniac. I can’t read lips”

“And yea think I can?” Daryl gave him a confused look, bringing his attention back to the support.

“Oh Daryl is definitely talking about you” Rosita took a hold of their chin facing them toward the two as Y/N felt the heat rush to their face.

“The fuck could they be talking about!”

“Language” Michonne interrupts the two as she joins them with Judith and some lemonade for them. “What are you going on about anyway?” She asks having Judith sit beside her along with some coloring items as Y/N took one of the glasses and started to drink.

“How Y/N wants to jump Daryl’s bones but is too chicken”

“Think it’ll fit?” Michonne knew exactly what she was referring to as the loud sound of Y/N choking on their lemonade made the girls laugh but caught the attention of everyone working on the wall. Concern rising on Daryl’s face seeing them stumble out of their seat and leave to clean themselves up.

“Oh you knew exactly what you were doing” Rosita laughs with Michonne as the two watch Daryl leave the wall to chase after his partner making sure they’re alright. “Huh. Maybe shit will finally happen”

“Better get a thank you later”

“If they can walk by the end of the night” Rosita quips with a smile.

Daryl enters the house finding it surprisingly quiet given he followed a very flustered Y/N inside the building. He eventually found them changing their shirt in frustrated silence as he waited patiently by the door, only to flinch to their sudden scream. Maybe he was too quiet entering the place.

“Sorry”

“No I am…didn’t think you’d come after me or anything. I just choked on lemonade” Y/N frowns walking over to the bathroom and tossing their wet shirt on the pile of dirty laundry. “I’m fine. You can go back…”

“Yea sure?” Daryl gave them a worried look bringing himself close as Y/N instinctively reached to grab his biceps holding him a moment feeling his large hands rest on their hips. They felt their face heat up having him so close and unintentionally towering them. He noticed of course how quiet they were being as he gently lifts their chin to make them look at him. “Sunshine?”

“I’m perfect, D…Don’t let me hold you up any longer, I know they really need you to finish the job”

“Job can wait” Daryl frowns knowing there was something more to it but it was something more to it. Y/N felt as if their voice was stuck in the back of their throat feeling his hand move from their chin to hold their cheek.

“You drive my mind wild, Daryl…” Y/N eases into his touch seeing his expression soften to their words. “Can’t think fucking straight when you’re flexing as you’re working in securing the place we live in”

“Hm. You like watching me work…” Daryl felt a smirk rise on his face enjoying that knowledge bringing them closer to his person. “Maybe I shouldn’t deprive yea huh?”

“Y-Yeah…you shouldn’t.” Y/N kept their eyes glued on his biceps watching him flex, knowing damn well what he was doing.

But expecting him to just take them now…Daryl parts from them smirking on his way out to go back and do his job.

Tease… Y/N groans sitting on the edge of the bed falling back onto it.

The women at the picnic table watched Daryl return to the group as Rosita couldn’t help but whistle to gain the archer’s attention.

“Thought you’d be busy!”

“Wouldn’t you like to know” He chuckles lightly returning to his position.

Once the job was done, Daryl decided to finally act on what he learned earlier. Y/N on the other hand thought he wasn’t going to act on and continued on with the night when Daryl came home. He made his way to their bedroom finding them just stepping out of the bathroom with a towel around their shoulders in shorts and a tank top. He’d admit a million times if he was a more talkative being, that he likes them in anything.

“You’re staring, D”

“Mm. Like yea earlier?” He smirks watching their eyes immediately dodge his as he brought himself closer.

“…How could I not?” Y/N exhale feeling his large hands take a hold of their face bringing them slightly on their tippy toes as he lowers himself enough to press his lips firmly against theirs.

Y/N pushed the towel off their shoulders before bringing their arms around his neck as Daryl took that to bring his hands to squeeze their waist. Soon finding purchase on their ass picking them up by such as their legs instantly hook around his waist.

The kiss went from soft and gentle, to hungry and passionate as Y/N couldn’t help but push their tongue past his lips exploring his mouth. Tasting the usual smoke from the cigarettes he manages to find out in the world outside the walls. A deep groan escape Daryl’s throat as they continued to explore each others mouths while his hands squeezed harder on their ass, almost a brushing grip.

Soon a whine escaped from them to indicate for the two to part so that Y/N could catch their breath along with Daryl who recovered quicker, bringing his lips to their exposed neck sucking a hickey in the spot he stuck to. The action making his partner moan and dig their nails into his biceps.

“Hm. Sweet spot Eh?” He smirks against their skin hearing them whine once again as he returns to kissing that spot.

“W-What’s gotten you this w-worked up…” Y/N felt their whole body heat up against his touch as their grip tightened on his shirt feeling like they were going to rip it off of him.

“You” Daryl sighs pressing them gently against the wall seeing their attention glued onto him and the current state they both were in. “What’s going on in that mind of yours?”

How fucking huge you are Y/N thought to themselves feeling themselves being lowered as their feet touched the ground they instantly looked up at Daryl. Dragging their hands down his biceps to his torso as he couldn’t help but watch their hands trail his person before smirking to himself.

“Come on…use your words, sunshine” The hint of teasing in his voice made them not wait much longer, that when he brought his thumb and pointer to hold their chin bringing their trailing eyes back onto him. Giving them the opportunity to gradually bring his thumb into their mouth sucking slowly listening to the excited groan to rip out of him. “God you have no idea what yea do to me”

They pull away with a pop and the smirk grew on their face. “Isn’t that my line, sunshine?” that shot right through him getting the man more excited and the strain in his jeans more noticeable to his shorter partner.

Y/N brought themselves to their knees bringing their hands to his waist band bringing their hands to meet and work on unbuttoning his pants pulling them low enough along with his boxers to come face to face with his massive dick. Where is this man‘s permit to hold such a weapon? The more they looked the more impatient Daryl felt himself get but he wasn’t going to force it. Just feel the cold breeze on his hard aching cock until he flinched to the warm that fanned from Y/N’s breath as their tongue met his tip while their dominant hand held his shaft.

At first it was kitten licks at the tip to get a taste. Running their tongue against the slit, making the man almost buckle at the action. Y/N moved their hand holding his dick slowly, pumping as they brought their lips to his tip first with a kiss…feeling him twitch in their hand before wrapping their mouth around the tip and the immediate thought was it’s fucking huge while bringing more of his dick into their mouth. Daryl started to form fists with his hands trying to contain himself to the feeling of their warm mouth wrapped around him seeing the slight struggle of getting it all in.

Fuck… “Don’t hurt yeaself….” Daryl groans noticing them scoot closer as they started sucking on his cock, at least with what they can’t get in their mouth.

But boy did they test themselves. Y/N closed their eyes bringing his entire length in their mouth feeling the tears build up and spill. The feeling of his cock twitching in their mouth excited them as they tried to contain themselves but another part was screaming you need to breathe.

“Fuck, ain’t gonna last long if yea keep it up” Daryl groans making them pull away to catch their breath as the look of saliva from his tip to their lips excited him all over again. “Get up”

The confusion grew on their face while wiping the saliva off their lips with the back of their hand. Then the second they stood, Daryl suddenly grabbed them picking them up and tossing them like they were nothing onto the bed.

Hot. Hot hot hot. Y/N felt the warmth build more in their core as their instant reaction was the curl up on themselves watching their partner meet them at the edge of the bed.

“You’re driving me crazy, Y/N. I can’t wait much longer”

“Ruin me, Daryl” and without a second thought, the man grabbed them by the ankles pulling them to the edge of the bed.

Daryl hooked his fingers on the waistband of their shorts pulling them off with their help. Y/N immediately shimming out of them along with their underwear feeling his fingers graze their thighs at first. His eyes glued to their center holding their legs apart bringing his attention back to theirs. Finding their pleading expression and their eyes return to his cock when he brought it to their core.

“You really are gonna rip me apart”

“I’ll be gentle” Daryl grinds against them gathering up their slick to make it easier for him to enter.

Y/N couldn’t wait any longer feeling their body instinctively grind up against his length, feeling his large hands push them into the bed to stop their actions. Fuck me already a whine escapes them making that smirk of his appear on his gorgeous face.

Daryl aligned himself at their entrance keeping an eye on their expression when he starts to push in. So far only the tip in resulting in a hiss coming from his partner making him stop a second.

“Y/N if—-“

“Just…adjusting, baby” Y/N relaxed slightly propping themselves up by the elbows feeling him push in more. Daryl couldn’t help the moan to escape him feeling them clench around his length the more he pushed in.

The moment the entirety of his cock met its hilt, Y/N couldn’t help the moans and whimpering feeling the bulge in their lower abdomen as Daryl took the mental image for himself.

“Just right…” He moans feeling them clench not being able to contain themselves as they brought their legs around his torso. “Eager huh sunshine?”

“Move. Rip me apart. Fuck me good” Y/N begs and it didn’t take long for Daryl to start thrusting in a slow pace at first listening to their moans just from the full feeling. “Fucking huge” they screamed out a moan when he started to pick up the pace.

“Takin’ me well…” He smirks leaning forward enough to cage his partner feeling their hands grip onto his biceps. They’re obsessed. He hums to himself using his dominant arm to wrap around their torso lifting them off the bed. They instantly arched against him when they hit a new spot listening to the music which be their moans getting louder and even higher.

Hell. The community could probably think something is howling.

Y/N dug their nails into his biceps when they were reaching their climax. And the second they did, Daryl moans louder than he has before reaching his shortly after.

The archer gently lays on top of his partner feeling their arms wrap around his large frame. He kissed their shoulder staying inside of them for a little while longer.

“Next time…work without the sleeves” Y/N half jokes listening to him laugh to their words.

“Nah. Next time I’m watchin’ yea”

#cultofdixon #the walking dead #daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon fanfiction

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guardian5tiger3 · 11 months

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Alright. That's it.

What's their karma?

Tarot + intuitive messages.

*I'm definitely doing more of these later so if none resonated dw .

Groups

1 2

3 4 5

Group one

Their karma is slow but steady and it's funny cause they've been scared of getting karma for a while. True assholes. Some of you it's possible you could have been pointing something out about this person and everyone was like oh but this and that and just somehow missing the point one way or another. If that's the case then also they just like seemed to get away with it somehow in the past. I'm really getting someone being like, "bruh." Like it's so obvious in a way. This person feels like a f*cking child I'm ngl. Like they're dumb ASF. They don't get it. I don't know if that just reminded me of the song but I just thought of a song called get it where you fit in by too short. Haha. You guys more or less depending on the person have some level of spiritual authority. I literally I kind of hope this is a metaphor but I got like a person being inside of a burning building. Also like to be asleep ina. Building that's falling apart. Like I'm honestly getting some eery vibes so holy shit that's only if this person is straight evil ok if that's real. For a lot of you I'm not gonna lie I'm picking up on like someone who does bad things when no one's looking to as a lot of you can probably imagine and I initially was brought me to say this was I picked up on animal abuse. Someone here this person pretends like their a good person and you must be intuitive because this person is coming out as someone who literally for an example like is involved in one of those dog fighting things like in Beverly hills Chihuahua like something like that. I'm not gonna lie this could be indicating cult involvement and I'm talking about child sex trafficking and the real system connected to the government ,underground tunnels, Hollywood, etc. So some of the people receiving karma are apart of this here ok so good job guys on fucking with them . At the least I'm picking up that your souls are trapping them and getting them caught up and or the rest of you you guys have authority to kind of say okay fuck them up now and they get fucked up. Seriously. I'm almost getting that things will make more sense in the future yes for some of you where these are the worse people they're just gonna straight up die, for some of them it's severe illness. Overall I see them getting caught which somehow is karma enough for them all. I'm seeing a lawsuit for a few people. I'm getting a lot of panic from a good amount of these people in the future. So for this pile it's definitely different depending on who and honestly I immediately picked up on that but base minimum punishment it seems for all of you guys is these people get caught and reprimanded I believe is the word I'm looking for. For those of you where it's possible the worse things apply I'm seeing this ties into a bigger picture in the world so for those of you thank you for your service to humanity because you fighting against evil tells me you're a spiritual warrior here for these reasons and you're doing your jobs well. ☮️

Group two

Right off the bat you guys have some intensely good energy and you are meant to thrive socially. For the persons being asked about it seems like they're cold and lonely and if anyone is in their lives that person or maybe people are also that way too. The best they can get out of life is money and honestly they don't even spend it in cool ways so like the actual possessing of currency. So what I'm getting from this is these people are losers. Uhmm but for a lot of you alot of their money is being taken away and then it sort of seems like they're gonna try to fake a good heart or something like that.. they're gonna try to blend in somehow. Seems like they're trying to climb a ladder and they really think they're gonna get rich. Or just be even better off than before ☠️ so this is turning into a grilling session. Cause wtf. This is spirits prediction and they know what their talking about but oh my fuck you guys like whoever has to deal with this person or people whatever , like their poor guides I don't even feel like their guides I feel like these are spirits or something trying their best to make shit around them happen hoping for any results less than negative. They're really trying to do what they gon and have done did to these mfs to try to open their minds and show them that's there's like parts of life that require you not to be dumb and low vibing ASF . Overall the karma is mainly to be outcasts and alone and overshadowed for some.

Group three

Ok for a lot of you first of all of these people are who they say they are and doing as well as they say then why do they feel the need to defend that so hard. Honestly a lot of these people seem like the type to have a huge ego where as they don't want to admit to themselves that they're the problem so their lives just suck and they're like damn why is life like this everyone is screwing stuff up and life is being suck ass but I am clearly great so how could this happen to me. Ok. I'm not gonna hide anything from you guys somebody is going to get an injury of some sort to their private parts I am so sorry. Either they did magic and it's going back on them or someone did this to them and it's going to effect them because they deserve it or both ☠️they also a lot of them manifest shit for themselves because of how they talk or what they say right and or think too. Dear God you guys I'm seeing a lot lot of private part issues so you guys know why you're here you probably know that these people deserve this I guess, I'm assuming, maybe. Some of you don't. Now you do. Someone's dad might disown them or something about their dad right and this person already has issues with their dad so they're probably gonna snap at that point that's for someone in particular ok. I'm definitely seeing for a good few of you this person getting herpes or some type of disease like that's gross as hell. I'll leave it at that. Ok peace.

Group four

You guys are sweet, some of you know this some of you don't but the people I'm reading on most of them are apart of chaotic groups getting karma for all being bad people. This person played with you somehow ok I'm getting like whoever picked this pile yall are all so sweet I'm glad to be in your energies especially after ⬆️⬆️⬆️ haha. I digress. They're never going to find love really and that's sad. You all will so don't worry. The best these people will get is being hopeful for their futures and being incorrect. So delusion almost. You guys are powerful and somehow you having crossed paths with this person has led them down a certain path. They're going to have to deal with their inner issues and everything on the inside and you guys this is this person's greatest fears . Within themselves. A lot of them are not gonna be ok. Don't feel bad cause this is positive anyway technically ok either they're there and you suffer internally even if you try to ignore it . Or you deal with it. But these people like there is a good reason they were ignoring this madness before. Not anymore. They're not gonna let their inner demons have them running around being idiots anymore. And if they do some of them will genuinely end up in jail down that road but I don't see that for most of you. It's kind of like they thought something was funny then all of a sudden cause their demons are brought up it's like oh.... It's so not funny anymore .(to them ok) you also might be taking some form of energy from them that is like somehow coming off like a token or like ,, I'm not really sure but it's reminding me of the stars somehow. Like, in the sky at night stars. Super strange. You guys are cool.

#psychic messages #pac reading #pick a card reading #free tarot readings #pac tarot #pac #pick a card #pick a picture #pick a pile #tarot pac #tarot reading #free intuitive readings #intuitive messages #channeled message

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feladi-fority · 23 days

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Happy Homestuck day everyone!

Fuck, insane I'm still obsessed with a comic THIS OLD but what can you do.

I feel like people often focus on what Homestuck did poorly or just discuss the characters or the comic abstractly, so in this post I wanna go into a bit more detail about what I think this comic did really really right which I'm yet to see done in other media.

The dialogue is just fantastic. Hussie really knows how to write naturalistic internet style dialogue and it breaths life into characters which otherwise are very flat. So many of the characters are objectively very simple but the dialogue is just so good they still feel like real people. Like Nepeta is objectively very boring, but the dialogue made her feel real enough to make past me kin her.

The format gets a lot of attention for using flash animation and games, but I think the real biggest strength of Homestuck's format is the pesterlogs. I read through Kill 6 Billion Demons a bit ago which is a very similar comic to Homestuck and despite loving it I found I didn't grow nearly as attached to the characters as I did HS. The reason I've come to as to why is that in K6BD the standard comic formatting just doesn't allow natural the characters to be normal people and have normal conversations without totally killing the pacing, so to maintain a fast pace it has to keep that to a minimum. In Homestuck, however, the pesterlogs allow characters to just kinda talk about whatever for normal amounts of time while not requiring the plot to just stop around them. John can ramble about his love of Con Air while doing important ectobiology shit. This gives the audience time to get to know these characters while maintain the lightning fast pace of acts 3 and 4 and a bit of 2 and 5.

The time travel, holy shit like I have NEVER seen time travel done so well, I used to think I hated time travel in media until I read this comic. The comedy gotten through time-traveling chat clients and the use of stable time loops for the story is just so masterfully done. The fact HS manages to have very few plot-holes in terms of its time travel internal consistency is seriously impressive compared to other stories featuring it. I crave so badly a story which can reach the peaks of the lil' Cal reveal and the conversions Karkat had with Karkat.

The fandom hooks. Like most stories are out here letting the fandom do some shipping or have a fun set of factions or a magic system to sort their fav characters into. Homestuck is here quadrupling the potential ships. "My story has 4 elements and what element you have is determined by your personality" Homestuck has a character personality sorting system with 336 possible combinations. Your story has one cool unique world to imagine being in? Homestuck has several. How would your fav react in the Hunger Games? How would they react to their entire planet being destroyed and being sent into a game designed to allow personal expression as much as possible! The lore is also overcomplicated but it does a great job at helping the audience through it. Like fuck this shit was crack to my neurodivergent ass.

The [s] pages were fucking AWESOME, like I am yet to feel the emotion the best [s] pages did since I finished reading the comic for the first time. The complexity of the storytelling means that when it's being told visually you need to actively interpret what's happening, causing strong moments of "oh shit!" when you realize what you just saw, further making an already awesome animation even better!

The way the comic mythologized the feeling of growing up online was so fucking cool to my terminally online ass. It made the worldbuilding feel so much more compelling than similarly complex fantasy worldbuilding ever has.

I might have missed a few things Homestuck did really well I'd like to bring up so I might make another post later, but like, damn. Homestuck was an incredibly unique work and I haven't seen anything like it since. One of my goals in life is to make a work that makes other feels how this comic made me feel cuz nothing has scratched that itch for me, but who knows if I'll succeed at that.

Either way, happy 413! I'm a derse sylph of heart btw <3

#homestuck 413 #homestuck #413

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bb-bare-bones · 13 days

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Deya's Favourite Body Horror Films

Art and Words by Dy Dawson, @xgardensinspace

John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982)

Films that have practical special effects tend to be my absolute favourites! And this film is – at least in my humble opinion – the holy grail for practical special effects! I never get tired of watching bodies becoming unrecognisable masses of bone and sinew in this incredible film, and the fact that everything looks agonisingly real whilst being done through the power of makeup and human hands with such extensive precision blows my mind! EVERY GODDAMNED TIME!

The Void (2016)

Similarly to The Thing, I praise the shit out of this hidden gem because the practical effects are PRISTINE! I don’t wish to say much about this one because it’s a real treat, and the fact that they managed to build a WHOLE creature on such a tight budget (plus all the many other special effects) is insanely amazing. A must watch, if you haven’t already!

Braindead (1992)

For this one I would like to say, buckets of blood and a lawnmower. That is all.

Nah, but in all seriousness, this is considered to be the goriest film of all time, and for good measure. It’s extremely campy, but all the effects are practical (I think you might start seeing the pattern here), super well done, and even if this is a horror comedy, the gory scenes are bound to make you feel icky! Also…Peter Jackson made this masterpiece before Lord of the Rings. I just think that’s fucking precious.

Child’s Play 2 (1990)

Some might not consider this a “body horror” film, but if we really think about it, this film series still contains an extensive showcase of body horror as a doll is quite literally turning human. This could fall under the “mutation” bracket of body horror. The first two films do the best job at showcasing that; the doll’s appearance shifts as Chucky spends time inside the doll. It’s shown through the progression of his staining teeth, the receding hairline, and a blemished face. I have specifically selected Child’s Play 2 because it’s got the most beautiful blend of this “mutation”, and the violation of the doll’s (human) body itself. That final scene in the factory is the best, and this stands as the only film that I couldn’t sleep with after watching. Sure, I was 8 years old, but I’ve been watching horror since the age of 5 and the fact that this one genuinely frightened me and has now turned into one of my favourite franchises saysa lot (mee thinks).

Akira (1988)

This film is simply amazing! And the most stunning example of body horror in animation! Well, the kind about physical human body mutilation, of course. But the animation behind those scenes is pure bliss and such a beautifully grotesque visual. I played King of Fighters before actually watching Akira, though. So when I saw Tetsuo’s arm do “the thing” for the very first time, you can imagine how happy I was to know there was a magnificent reference to the character X/9999. It fulfilled some childhood nostalgia I didn’t know I was craving, and seeing those scenes in the movie still runs chills down my spine because that animation is GORGEOUSLY disturbing. And trust me, I like to be disturbed.

Hellraiser (1987)

My favourite thing about body horror is the absolute gory violation and destruction of the human body. The whole centrepiece of this film is body mutilation, so of course it’s going to be on my list! My favourite scene is when Frank Cotton is being resurrected from the floorboards of the attic. When that spine connects to the brain, I shriek with Frank in pure awestruck! Another thing I love about body horror is THE GOOP! I need fluids, blood and goop and ooze and stringy bits. And that scene has SO much of it!

If I’m not being disturbed and/or disgusted, am I really watching horror?

Re-Animator (1985)

What can I say about this one that Ed hasn’t already? I mean… c’mon! There is SO much body horror and practical effects in this baddie to fill an entire house! I mean, the opening scene has exploding eyeballs, for Pete’s sake! And the entirety of Dr. Halsey head is oscar-winning material for the makeup department! As well as for the effectiveness of working smart, not hard. This entire film is a beautiful collection of practical effects that work effectively by not spending an absurd amount of money. It’s a B-film for a reason! And let’s face it, B-films often have some of the best effects in the industry because people have to work around that tight budget, get very creative and manage to deliver effects that can withstand the test of time, as well as look as convincing as possible. Re-Animator does this so well, and I sometimes forget Dr. Halsey isn’t actually decapitated in that fucking scene. Such a simple effect accomplished incredibly effectively.

Ginger Snaps (2000)

This is one of my favourite films, but not necessarily for the body horror; it’s just such a bloody good story! I still wanted to include it because I feel it’s a bit of an underrated or not very talked about film. Anyone with a period needs to watch it, first of all… And the practical special effects for Ginger’s werewolf transformation are genuinely impressive! One of my favourite things about this film is the opening sequence, with the sisters’ photoshoot on deaths. They are all very precious ways to die, and some are very body-horror oriented! (As well as the social commentary on women and their periods. It’s fucking BRILLIANT!)

Event Horizon (1997)

This one is truly a treat for sci-fi and horror films alike! And if you, like me, adore both genres, this film is just a treasure! It’s gorey, it’s gritty, and the plot is to die for. A little Hellraiser around the edges, but who’s complaining? And the special effects are truly magnificent! Also, look out for deleted scenes or the unrated versions of this film, please. You cannot miss this film in its full horrific glory!

Taxidermia (2006)

Taxidermia’s a bit odd, but I love it for exactly that reason. It’s one of the only films to have genuinely disturbed me; although it’s for my emetophobia reason rather than for body horror-situations. Although…it brings the question on whether competitive food eating is a bit of a violation on the body, hehe. It’s a film about 3 generations of one family, through the POV of the grandfather, the dad and the son. The biggest “body horror” part in this film is the last segment, and boy is it beautiful! Well, the bits with the son only. The body metamorphosis the dad went through is certainly grotesque, but the effects are sort of unrealistic/comedic(?) and thus look a bit silly. But trust me, that final transformation the son goes through is truly beautiful :)

Again… a really bizarre little Hungarian film, but if you are interested, go watch it and don’t say I didn’t warn you! I also don’t personally know anybody who has seen this film…so it’s always great to recommend and put it out there!

Honourable Mentions:

Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989)

This one is here for being ICONIC. This film is so creative and artsy about its body horror. Certainly taking inspiration from Akira, but also just being unsettling for its stylised way of showcasing the destruction of the human body. Bits and wires everywhere! In black and white? SURE! I love the red of blood, but this movie gets a pass for its sheer imaginative way of displaying body horror.

The Fly (1986)

Love this film, but surprisingly it’s not one of my favourites! I wanted to include it here though, because the metamorphosis Seth Brundle goes through is EXTREMELY grotesque! It’s got absolutely everything I adore about the genre: Physical human body violations, gore, GOOP, and practical effects.

Scanners (1981)

Honestly, this one is just here because I FUCKING love that head exploding scene everyone knows about :b LITERAL ART!

Black Sheep (2006)

A dark comedy! Or horror comedy? Either way, this fucking film is DISTURBING! The practical effects are to die for, and the final creature sent shivers down my spine. I don’t care how silly this film is, if it wasn’t comedic, this would be a straight up HORROR of the most disturbing kind. And besides, anything making commentary on animal cruelty and animal testing is a definite narrative artistry about body horror in my book.

American Mary (2012)

This film has A TON of body horror displays! Full frontal and all. It’s one of my picks that isn’t just about gorey mutilation, but actual sexual violation as well :0 It’s got such a strong message, and the visuals are pretty great! Extra points for empowering women ;)

Slither (2006)

This film is only here for being one of the only ones to genuinely disgust and disturb me. The transformation of that one woman in the barn creeps me to the core :( And that doesn’t happen often! So as much as I hate this movie for making me feel uncomfortable, it’s gotta be on the list, right?

Society (1989)

This film is also fucking GROSS. Commentary on the rich being as disgusting as the actions happening, and as gross as they look in the end of this film is fucking GOLD! I’m all for it. Definitely not one of my favourites (it’s just a little boring at parts), but worth mentioning for that social commentary mixed in with absolutely horrendous body mutilation scenes done with practical effects.

Splinter (2008)

Another little hidden gem of a movie! I don’t hear people talk about this one ENOUGH! One of two films in my list that doesn’t exclusively include practical effects (I think). But that’s okay! Because this film is SO creative and has such a unique version of the zombie virus! It certainly will shake you; especially if hearing and/or seeing bones cracking is one of your “irk” uncomfy factors.

#80s horror #horror #horror movies #horror writing #spooky #body horror #bare bones articles

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redd-byrd · 6 months

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AAAAAAAAAAA I LOVED IT SO MUCH

MY DAD WENT WITH ME AND HE ALSO LIKED IT

I’m so glad the theatre was almost empty, I was so excited that I was doing full-on hand-flapping, which I almost never do, and squeaking and giggling like a crazy person, I was stimming like crazy cuz I was so happy to be there

MASSIVE FNAF MOVIE SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

And friendly reminder that this is my ✨OPINION✨

This will be long and very ramble-y so bear with me

OK SO FIRST OFF THE ANIMATRONICS

- I loved how they acted like kids??? Like you tend to forget the ghosts are actual children when looking at the games since they’re constantly all “murder monster-y” so I love that they got to act so childlike

- Kids’ drawings being a massive plot point was so cute, I actually didn’t mind how sudden Afton’s defeat was since like,,, they were only on his side in the first place bc the drawing showed that he was their friend, so it suddenly switching around made a little more sense. Probably could’ve been executed better but for what it was I think it was fine

- And of course THE DESIGNS!!!! Holy shit I loved how they looked!!! The prop team did an AMAZING job with both the animatronics and the background props!!!

- The interactions with Abby were adorable, I loved the fort scene because of how goofy it was to watch giant machines dressed like animals put that together

- Also I know we were all skeptical when the red glowing eyes were shown, but honestly the scenes where they DID glow would probably have looked good even if they didn’t change it, though I will say that the final look is really nice by itself

NEXT IS THE MAIN CAST

- Matthew Lillard did an INCREDIBLE JOB as William Afton, when my dad and I came out of the theatre he said that he had a feeling that Lillard would be the antagonist (mind you my dad knew nothing about the games or the movie), which really shows how well he does at playing horror villains and playing up that gut instinct

- I loved how creepy he was in the final fight scene, just creeping out of the shadows with those two glowing pinpricks was SO cool

- Also Afton being retconned to not be British anymore is so funny to me askdjhsjjdhdj

- Abby didn’t annoy me at all, I actually thought she was super cute!! Which is surprising bc I usually find kids annoying but I’d die for Abby

- When I say that I got WHIPLASH from the animatronics being nice to her and later Mike after she introduced them, I MEAN IT (in a good way)

- Mike taking Abby seriously and believing her when she said her “imaginary friends” are actually ghosts was a nice change of pace

- The group that broke in honestly didn’t need that much characterization since the main thing the plot needed was Max, so that was fine

- I am confused about why people aren’t more concerned about the murders that took place throughout the movie??? Like a missing poster in the background would’ve been fine, or maybe Mike reacting to Max being missing?? They don’t give much context on their relationship, I have no idea if they’re friends or if she’s just someone he hired and doesn’t have much emotional investment in, so maybe that wouldn’t work

- VANESSA MY BELOVED

- Vanessa was great, I love her character so much, but idk if I love her by herself or it it’s cuz she didn’t get much characterization in the game,,,, doesn’t really matter ig

ABOUT THE STORY

- Story was really fun, I love the unexpectedness of some of the scenes (dance scene, fort building, Freddy blade mask, etc) I thought it was so funky

- Afton using a separate identity to lure people to Freddy’s was cool, though I have no idea why he’d do that to other people. I can understand Mike, he likely knew about his brother through the last name, but why other people???

- I am a bit sad about Henry n Charlie Emily being left out, considering how big of a part they both play in the game lore, but idk if it’s explicitly said whether they exist within the movie universe or not, so we’ll see in the next movie ig

- THE SPRINGLOCK SCENE!!!!!!!! I loved it <3 idk how they didn’t go off after Afton was bouncing around in it earlier but when they did go off it was SO COOL!!!

- “I always come back” YES HE DOES!!!! LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO

- End scene of him bleeding out in the storage room hinting towards the full Springtrap character??? Loved it

- Also HELLO FREDBEAR??? GOLDEN FREDDY?? YELLOW BEAR???? WHAT

Extra info:

- No Markiplier was not in it, he was too busy with his own movie

- WAITER MATPAT?????

- Corey was awesome, I thought he was so funny for his short time on screen, esp the post credits scene

- THE FNAF 1 SONG MADE IT IN OH MY GOOOOOOOOD CONGRATS TO THELIVINGTOMBSTONE

Random plot holes or inconsistencies I found:

- Foxy had a scene where they forgot to switch the red eyes to the new glowing ones

- Despite the animatronics killing the group that broke in, spilling plenty of blood, they’re perfectly clean afterwards

- My dad found it weird that they didn’t show any part of the kids’ bodies in the suits, since it’s apparently known that they were stuffed inside (or maybe only Vanessa knew??). He thought an arm or a leg poking out would’ve worked. I said I think it’s either cuz the bodies were removed, are kinda mangled and pretzel-twisted to only be in the torso, or it’s just bc they didn’t think to do that lmao

- He was also confused on how Afton was able to jump around and move so easily in the springlock suit when the suit in the back snapped off the broom handle after a single jab. I said I think it’s bc it’s meant to be used to move around in and not harshly screwed with, or maybe it’s another plot reason

All in all, 8.5/10 movie. There were a few times when I was confused on why something happened or why someone behaved a certain way, but none of it was outright bad or boring. There also could’ve been more to the gore, definitely could’ve pushed the boundaries of the PG-13 rating, but it was good for what it was. It was fun, cute, and knew when to be serious :P

#fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf movie #five nights at freddy’s movie #five nights at freddys movie #five nights at freddys #fnaf movie spoilers #spoilers #fnaf spoilers #movie spoilers

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grigori77 · 9 months

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Critical Role, Campaign 3 Episode 68

It always concerns me when the plug starts without any obvious gimmick ... Matt: "There it is." Ah yes ... it's gonna be about D&D monsterfucking isn't it? Oh dear ... and he's roped Liam into this too ... "I'm confused, is this what you think romance is?" Honestly, I think we're ALL concerned about what SAM RIEGEL thinks romance is ...

Liam: "I'm getting Death To Smoochy vibes over here!"

Holy shit! Robbie got an action figure! Dorian! Sweet!

Oh yeah, the sexy demon paladin ... XD

Preparing for rest in the cave, then. The Butcher's Bib? Oh gods ... what is Chetney planning here? And Imogen's fallen in the Hole ...

Ah, spoils ... so what IS the thing with this sword, then? Graz'tchar, the Luminary Blade? Hmmmmm ... oh, yeah, I'm totally not buying this shit for a second ... I bet it's really evil. Matt is DEFINITELY giving Travis another cursed sword ...

"Romance the sword! Romance the sword!" XD

Six inches wide on a 3 foot blade? This thing's like a fucking ANIME sword, isn't it?

And now FCG is attacking Chetney ON REQUEST ... Sam rolls a 1, just jams it in the CEILING. Yup ...

Ashton doesn't trust it. Ashton is all of us, clearly ... now it's offering HIM a bond? Okay ... the Council of Tal'dorei? Hmmmm ... yeah, he's just WEIRDED OUT and I don't blame him ...

The sword is now reeling off a story of its previous wielders ... and Ashton's commentary is very amusing ...

FCG casts Legend Lore? Ooooooooh ... "the Light is false"? Oh, okay then ... yeah, definitely a cursed sword! And FCG keeps it yo themselves. "Here you go Chetney!" Oh boy, here we go ...

NOW he's trying to convince Chetney NOT to trust the sword? AFTER giving it back?

Laura: "Chetney would totally fall for an Internet scam!"

Chetney: "It's just a sword, if it turns out to be evil we can just throw it in a lake and let someone else deal with it."

Romantic smut fiction action for Fearne, courtesy of Sam's flask ... ye gods ... LOL

Orym (to Baernie): "So this is the crew I run with now." XD

Making plans for getting back in the morning. Hmmmm ...

Ashton: "Chet, you get the least bit weird, I'm gonna crush your hand." Chetney: "Define weird." Ashton: "No."

Everything's gone red after they go to bed! Not good! Not good!

And now Imogen's having another storm dream ... great ... and now her mother's telling her to run! Definitely not good! Wisdom save ... Nat20! Nice!

Going to check out calm spots in the red stormscape ... herds of beasts running through valleys? "There's an ecology here ..." Whoa ... a presence behind her? It's her mother ...

She REALLY IS freeing Predathos ... Lillianna: "You deserve to be free." Imogen: "But at what cost?"

And she's BOOTED out of the dream ...

FCG communes with the Changebringer in their sleep? Or a spell? Hmmmmmm ... "Are you scared?" She is ... oh boy ... FCG: "Okay ... I'm coming."

Everybody completes a long rest. "YAY!!!" XD

Is Chetney dead? Has he DIED in the night? He has to ROLL to check? Oh boy ... yeah, he's still with us ...

He's calling the sword Char. Cute. Snd now he's attuned to it ... yeah ...

Heading out, then ... ah crap, there's a few demons scattered around. Time for stealth, then ... oh yeah, Pass Without A Trace! Good job, Fearne ...

Imogen remembering the dream ... and she's sick of it. She just wants it to go away, so she's on the side of the gods, looks like.

Once again, all signs are pointing for them to go to the moon ...

Now it's "Sir Chad"? Oh boy ...

Oh shit, it's heard of Ludinus ... crap ... it didn't trust him? Hmmmm ... the Matron of Ravens? Obviously it knows HER ...

Group Stealth Check ... here we go ... oh wow, Laura manages to roll a 1? Oof ...

Aha! A suitable tree, then ... time for teleport, then ... what, put folk in the Hole and then EVERYBODY goes at once? Seriously?

Oh wow, they're actually doing it ...

And now there are creatures coming ... everybody on the Hole! Now TELEPORT!!!

"Soaking"? Seriously?

Oh thank fuck that worked ... okay! Let them out of the Hole! Phew ...

FCG says hello to Scuffy ...

Leeta's deeply relieved to see Baernie alive ... yup, that's nice. :3

Nel? Oh, hello ... such a sweet reunion! D'awwwwww ...

Fixing up the cure ... here we go ... and they go heal her! Okay ... just in time, then ...

Ooooooh ... and it's WORKING!!! YAY!!! Yes, Keyleth is getting BETTER!!!

Yeah! Voice of the Tempest is BACK, baby! Oh nice! She is full on MENDED!!!

Kiki thanks Orym snd OH MY GODS this so clearly means THE WORLD to him right now. Oops ... okay, she's still not ALL the way back, but on the way, definitely.

Imogen Prestidigitates Keyleth's hair so she doesn't have bedhead any more. :3

Oh sweet! The Mantle! I love it ...

Yeah, I agree. Nice to have a win ...

Oh man ... Orym's being offered a chance to JOIN Keyleth on the balcony! Sweet! And he's being LAUDED!!! Oh my gods that's so awesome!

Oh yeah, Orym's like TOTALLY a hero to his people now. "Kaitiake!" YES!!! So cool!

Nice, time for a party! Yay!

Oh, they're meeting with the Voice NOW?!!! Okay then ...

Time for a break? Okay. Seems the smart time.

Sweet, Chapter 2 of Candela Obscura looks equally cool ...

And we're back ... so, the meeting! Here we go ...

Time to watch Marisha especially closely as this gets ever more meta for her ... XD

Ludinus went to the Dwendallian Empire? Hmmmmm ... grrrr, the Cerberus Assembly ... great, JUST what we need ...

Oh boy ... Orym's gonna tell her about Vax screaming in the Orb, isn't he? Crap ... yeah, he is ... oh fuck, here we go ...

The raven's perch? It's empty ... oh man! Tears! Tears, I swear ...

Yeah, she's got BEEF with the Matron. That's only fair ...

Oh wow, Fearne fawning over the demon paladin is just weirding Keyleth out, isn't it?

Imogen: "There's people on Ruidus!" Wow, she just blurted that right out there ...

Oh, okay ... Imogen Summons her Crimson Shade. Yeah ... oh, that's a lot more intense than last time ...

Whoa ... crazy muscular red shark man! That's just MENTAL ...

Yeah, Keyleth is FREAKED and it makes sense ...

And now Imogen's communicating with it ... it wants to SERVE HER "until her Binding is done"? Okay ...

A vision of a pale grey flower with a gem in it ... that's its NAME? Hmmmmm ...

Oh snap ... is this something they want or not? Hmmmm ...

Predathos is the PROGENITOR?!!! What the actual ...?

Wow, and now it's just GONE ... oh, and turns out Keyleth was totally ready to KICK OFF ...

Ah, so they want something MORE out of their lives, then ... that's ... interesting ...

Yeah, no shit Keyleth's been through this kinda shit before ...

Okay, so potential allies ... ooh, is she thinking about calling in the rest of Vox Machina? Yeah, that would be cool ...

Who else COULD they call on?

The Hishari? Here we go ... and Ashton mentions his origins ... yup ... oh okay, are we getting proper Ashton origin story revelations now? Go, Kiki!

Ooooh, this is gonna be good ...

Ashton is of TITAN BLOOD?!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!!!

Whoa ... seriously, this is some QUALITY fresh infodumping ...

Keyleth: "The fact that you're standing here and functioning is a testament to your willpower." Yeah, no shit ...

So it looks like Ashton might basically have been the end result of what the Hishari were trying to do ...

The Shattered Teeth? Whoa ...

Keyleth admires FCG's optimism. :3

Marisha and her ridiculously convoluted notes strike again and its beautiful ... XD

Yes, the Gau Drashari ...

Yeah, the gods might well be a prickly issue with the Primordials ...

Ashton talked to an Earth Elemental ... oh yeah ... and Keyleth just nods knowingly ...

Wait ... Keyleth went to the Shattered Teeth once? Oh, I see ... when she was trying to free Vax from his debt? Hmmmm ...

Jirana? "Like a therapist"? Hmmmm ...

XD Travis trawling for a MAP of the Shattered Teeth ... oh, so they MOVE?!!! Hmmm ...

Showing Keyleth the Harness and Funnel and all of Ludinus' notes ... wait, so he's using this to MIMIC Keyleth's extended life thing? That's fucked up ...

"The Root" is at the base of the neck? Hmmmm ...

Ragging on Marisha's note taking ... XD

Sweet, the Whispered One ... yeah, Vecna gets a namedrop ...

Fuck ... hearing that name gives Laudna a VERY SPECIFIC chill ... O.O

Yeah, honestly it doesn't really make sense to think that Ludinus would actually be SEEKING godhood given what he's actually DOING ...

No, I don't think giving in would be a good idea, Imogen. PLEASE don't do that ...

Sweet, digging away at Percy, I love it ... XD

FCG tries to Scry on D. Okay ... somewhere on a coast ... the Menagerie Coast? Cool.

What, try Dancer instead? Hmmmm ... nor sure that's actually gonna work out too well ...

So he's gonna try it anyway, like a glutton for punishment ...

There she is ... just asleep on a random room ... no help AT ALL ...

FCG's gonna try asking the Changebringer who would be the better choice to help them out ... okay ...

The one they're "most bound to"? Well that's not very helpful at all ...

Trying again then ... oh this is ridiculous and we love it ...

Matt can't get past the idea that it's going through Sam's "arse mike" ... LOL

More vagueness ... oof ... yeah, Sam is just BURNING spell slots trying to get this to work ... yup, once again it's a total bust ...

Keyleth: "I'll tell you a story about a goldfish one day." OH MY GODS!!! LOL

Yeah, she needs a break, anyway. Best call it a day.

Keyleth tries to help Orym find a little peace and chill ... it's really quite sweet. "I see a bravery in you that matches the immensity of your heart." :3 This is just so adorable ... gods, she is being SO KIND AND COMFORTING TO HIM AND IT'S MAKING ME TEAR UP ...

Yeah, she needs a rest. Time to go, guys.

"Saviour Blade"? Sweet ...

Oh yes, tattoos could be cool ...

Demon concubine, maybe? I like that one ... XD

Yes. Good place to call it a night, Matt. Nice chill place to move on for next time ...

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crescentmoon-flower · 11 months

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Rewatching winx season 4 for nostalgia and realizing how wierd some things are

Ep. 5

And even though they said they don't want attention, they're flying?

Homeless man cameo at perfect irony point

...I just noticed this but why do they always stand on their toes when in fairy form?

I feel sorry for roxy, imagine being told that not only are you a different species than you thought, but also the balance of the entire world is riding on you.

What are duman's transformation limits?

This whole break in and set a trap is actually clever, if only the trap was better

Cute kiko

Why did they all kneel if only Ogron cast the spell?

Ok that interaction between riven and Brandon was cute.

They kind of already do, except nabu though, he looks like a monk

Well at least helia's got his priorities straight

Also nice world building, gardenia is expensive to live in

Riven defying physics with a newspaper, also smart for looking at newspaper adds

Sassy brandon

You know what, not a bad idea to try mechanics

MR. OIL THE MECHANIC

Also I love how nabu didn't change and still looks like a monk and the mechanic isn't questioning it

Oh my god this is painfully awkward

Did Riven break the hood of that car?

Ok that has got to be illegal or at least questionable, did they file tax before giving blooms parents their investment back?

Eh, I'm not going to question these details

Oh my god musa PRINTED the pictures of Stella half awake

Also this is a very fair concern to have when dealing with animals, they didn't mention some of the darker things that could happen to a pet after adoption but it is always a valid thing to keep in mind

Wow, mitzi is annoying

At least they came to the correct conclusion, but aren't they going to question how the wizards managed to cast the spell?

Property damage nullifies the closed sign Stella put up

I don't think what's good or bad for business is relevant when propert damage or bodily harm are bigger concerns

Did duman have to get close to cat the spell? It's seems redundant and frankly an unnecessary risk

... did.. did anagan get rid of the Sound waves with sound waves????

What even were either of those spells bloom? They did like nothing

ALIENS!!!!! I mean he's technically not wrong though

Ok creative Stella good job

Riven raising good points

Ditching jobs, to shame

Aw naw! Oh my god gantlos sounds adorable

What was gantlos's idea?

Thank you timmy, thievery is bad boys

HOLY SHIT

Ok Riven, and probably all the boys, shouldn't be driving

Oh my god this interaction is so awkward and honestly I feel for mitzi here, she literally knows nothing and suddenly they're at her door

Flirting

aisha and nabu are adorable

Oh no, mitzi and her obsesion

Both stella and Brandon are in the wrong here

"A girl never let's her Prince charming go" Ironic

I mean an actual valid reason for being fired

....I feel awful for only now noticing timmy wasn't there, but also why wasn't he?

Ep.6

Half packed apartment, realistic

I don't know how to feel about watching Stella eat for several unnecessary seconds

Huh didn't expect musa to be the most invested in the book

Also I wish we had more world building for believix, I have so many questions

Noooooo, helia's hair cut

SASSY BRANDON

Ok Riven is my spirit animal

Stalker nightmare

Note, if someone is doing something you don't like and makes you uncomfortable you have every right to tell them to stop, no matter their feelings

Tecna has good points

Aisha your great, never change

Oh my god are they seriously painting with several colours on top of each other wet?? This is a disaster

Uhhhng, this second hand embarrassment is horrible

Thank you tecna for stating the obvious

That's creepy, just knock girls

Roxy you are acting suspicious

What was Stella hanging from?

Well their tone changed drastically

Also roxy, crazy people are dangerous

What is this silent conversation between bloom and roxy

Well that could've gone far worse

You lost one group of loonies and found another

Oh my god roxy needs therapy after this

Also irony for artu to bite duman

I love Cute villains

Bouncy light, makes sense

Aisha? Love you

Creepy duman love it

Holy shit ogron is strong

I love ogro

Get the poor girl some therapy

Roxy your awesome, insult them more

I do actually love believix, it looks really pretty and has a nice concept

Roxy looks pissed

Ah, cliff hanger

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pastelskyesblog · 1 year

Text

Thoughts on the parents of Coral Island: Dad edition

So... I think it's still too early to say considering everyone's stories and dialogues aren't complete yet but here's my thoughts on the parents of Coral Island so far

Jim

what do you mean Lily's job is not a real job?

being rather cold at first aside, he's a pretty cool dude

have you seen his younger pic drawn by the og artist? holy shit he was so hot

major tsundere vibes. like seriously we started off with him saying I look like I've never used a tool in my entire life before (he's right) to him teaching me how to make his specialty- smoked salmon

he's one of the non-dateables in the island that I have most hearts with

probably the kind of father your classmates look forward to seeing during parent-teacher conferences because he's good looking (along with his wife, she's good looking too)

you inherited your abundant knowledge in fishing and fishes overall thanks to him, even thought you don't fish often

Sunny

I LOVE HIM

his personality totes match his name

second highest hearts with him, only because Jim loves shiitake mushrooms and wasabi and those are abundant in spring.

he reminds me a lot of my grandpa so i love him x100000000

i give him a flower everytime i see him

much like Jim, thanks to him you know a lot about fishes and fishing in general.

Jack

another cool parent, he gave me phat thai and then a lemon to make phat thai

another parent your classmates look forward to seeing during parent-teacher conferences

probably a cinnamon roll

the kind of dad whom you'd spend your weekend mornings together with the animals, telling each other about your week.

feels like a friend more than a father

Randy

TBH i don't know him enough but I have a lot of hearts with him because I see him often so I just gift him a flower like I do with everyone else (i should really chill and take it slow and talk to people smh)

probably the fun dad that you can easily open up to

definitely the kind of dad that can help you with your homework

the kind of parent every your friends look forward to seeing whenever they hang out in your house

Paul

another cinnamon roll

another dad that can help you with your homework

takes you on his adventures whenever you're not in school

lots of great memories together

always excited to tell your classmates about what he does for work

thanks to him you know a lot of animal trivia

i feel like out of all the dads, along with Randy, he'd tell the most number of dad jokes- and they're actually funny

Antonio

another dad I don't know shit about, but considering he takes days off to spend time with Valentina, he's definitely a good dad

the kind who'd take his kid's drawings to work to show his colleagues

I feel like he's also the type who'd support whatever occupation you want to pursue, as long as he sees you putting in effort and results are showing

probably lowkey strict, but you'll be thankful once you're older that he is (with a bit of pettiness cuz you missed out on some of the fun stuff your other friends went through)

you have cool and pretty outfits thanks to him HEHE

Walter

typical old money dad, what more can i say

knowing how to deal with money is something that's become second nature to you, thanks to him

brings you out to play golf with his associates

brings you out to play tennis with his associates

good luck if you're the only kid, the family business is definitely going to be managed by you

Joko

another super fun dad

cracks a lot funny jokes, not just dad jokes

his storytelling is god-tier, probably the reason why dinner is at least 2 hours long

known as the funniest dads of dads among you and your classmates

Wataru

another dude i have a lot of hearts with but don't know much about because his dialogue is so little

the kind that takes care of you silently (and you're super grateful for it)

quiet type of dad, but probably very observant regarding your needs (hence probably why Wakuu is the way he is towards him)

dinner is often quiet, but once it's time for dessert that's when the tea starts to spill (but you're doing most of the talking)

he's definitely the coolest, he owns a friggin chickin boat

#coral island #coral island imagines #coral island wataru #coral island joko #coral island randy #coral island dads #coral island walter #coral island antonio #coral island paul #coral island jack #coral island jim #coral island sunny #coral island parents

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winterrose527 · 1 year

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"help, i'm in love with my brother's boring wife" <- tell me what you would do with this AU???

Look all I'm going to say is that YOU brought up Jon Snow & Jeyne Westerling (no offense Jeyne, you seem generally fine) the other day as a potentially good angst pairing. So like hmm... let's see.

So modern AU, let's go political animals. Robb was on track to become the youngest senator Westeros had ever had. Things are bad in Westeros, which explains why he is 'in bed' with people two years ago he never would have so much as had dinner with. Walder Frey is Walder Frey and oh so subtly pushes him and his daughter together, and Robb is looking like he is going to win it all with Roslin Frey at his side who is actually lovely but he can't even look at her because every time he does he sees Walder fucking Frey.

Enter Jeyne Westerling. She's a low level staffer on his campaign (she got the job through 'connections' and I'll just let everyone deduce who was behind that). She's gentle and efficient and there's lots of late nights and take out and one thing leads to another.

Now all of this would be generally fine, in fact Jeyne had assured Robb that it didn't need to be a thing at all, except he kind of sort of wants it to be a thing because holy shit the seedy underbelly of Westerosi society is really getting to him and he sees Jeyne as his way out and sure maybe it kind of sort of makes him feel things that aren't quite there.

So somehow or another it's leaked to the press.

Frey pulls his backing, Roslin is the most sought after interview in all of Westeros and Robb's political career is over before it begins.

That's fine with him. For a time. After a while though he begins to have regrets. He doesn't blame Jeyne, he knows it was his decision to pursue her and his decision to let it derail him, but even still she's a reminder of what he gave up. It doesn't help that now Westeros is in even worse shape and there's nothing he can do about it because no one will take him seriously. The private sector still loves him and doesn't have the same qualms about infidelity as voters so he is doing just fine for himself, but still feels that sense of failure.

Enter Jon Snow.

While Robb was pursuing high office, Jon was in the military. He had a wild ride of it, but distinguished himself from a young age and rose through the ranks in spite of some very unhelpful superiors and a fuck up or two.

He gets discharged on medical, a horrible wound to his arm that won't quite heal and a long recovery ahead.

Robb offers him his and Jeyne's guest house while he's getting back on his feet.

Jon and Jeyne have met before over the years when he was on leave, and he'd always thought her dull as dishwater. He couldn't understand how his brother gave up a political career for her when there was so much work to be done.

When he was on tour, he had some ill-fated romances with less than good women who were all very intoxicating and beguiling but in the end not worth the angst.

Now he's home. He isn't old but he feels it. He is used to his body doing exactly what he wants it to at all times and now he finds himself having to get used to this new normal, having to rely on the generosity of someone that he resents because of the opportunities wasted.

Enter Jeyne.

Jeyne who suffered more than Robb did, because the woman always does. Who can't apply for a job without someone saying hey how do I know your name? because they never left the north. So she works from home part time and feels listless and bored and wishing that Robb would just call it, because she can't, because she still loves him in a way she isn't sure he ever actually fell in love with her.

When Jon comes home, she finds that thing that made her want to get out of bed in the morning during the campaign, a sense of purpose. She realizes that yes, she misses her affectionate husband, but more than that she misses feeling accomplished in her own right.

Jon resists at first, not wanting her company or her help, but slowly she wears him down and they start spending more time together, as she drives him to PT etc.

He realizes that she's not dull, she's quiet. That she's not foolish, she just follows her heart. He sees the girl who everyone said ruined Robb Stark's chances, and wonders - and is maybe the first to do so - what potential she never reached because of it all.

He fights his feelings, but he is having an effect on her. She stops asking herself whether Robb is happy and starts asking herself whether she is.

One night, Robb is working home late. She's made dinner for him but it's growing cold, so she asks Jon to come over. He tries to resist but there's something in her eyes - a shade of brown he'd never realized could be so pretty - that makes him accept.

When they get into the kitchen, he sees a nearly finished bottle of red and she sort of looks at him and looks away and gestures to the set table and says: some of it went in the sauce.

They sit down and eat and she is clearly tipsy and sad and he's trying to make her feel better and he's cracking jokes. She had never realized that he was funny, and no one had ever told him that he was.

It all could be innocent, except it's not. They know it isn't. If it was, it wouldn't be so awkward when Robb comes home and finds them sitting there together.

He gets himself a plate, and tries to make conversation with Jon, and Jeyne feels more ignored than she does when they're alone, because Jon is there and he's seeing it and she knows it.

And anyway it ends with the three of them sitting there. The one brother who gave up everything and said it was for her, and the one who felt like he'd lost everything until he met her.

#everyone in this is unlikeable #except Jeyne I guess

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munchflix · 2 years

Text

MUNCHFLIX - MORBIUS

IMDB BLURB: Biochemist Michael Morbius tries to cure himself of a rare blood disease, but he inadvertently infects himself with a form of vampirism instead.

WARNINGS: blood, violence, slow mo, nipples, darkness.

RATING: It's morbin' time.

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: All reviews are done solely for humor and should not be taken seriously ever. If you cannot handle cursing, crude humor and probably some offensive things, pls do not read this.

A NOTE: I know. I know. We’re pariahs for even watching this, but it’s what we DO. Now you don’t have to.

Munch: Happy Birthday Biscuits! It's almost your birthday and we're punishing you with watching Morbius! This seems very timely, given the memes. Plus it's our job to review shitty movies, so....I can't believe I'm paying money for this shit. But for once, Munch gets to go in blind!

Biscuits: We're hopping on the morb train. The meme bandwagon. The Morbus to Morbtown. Fun story! I wanted to see this movie. I was like - well Jared Leto is in it but you know....maybe it'll be like the Venom movies, not good but fun!

M: Morbius said bisexual pride? Those are the bi colors. Well that was loud. Cerra De La Muerte, why is it always some island of the fucking dead? How many islands of the dead are there? A helichopper is here, and Dr. Morb, looking very morb.

B: He looks like Jesus.

M: Don't give Jared Leto any more ideas.

An overwhelming number of bats.

B: That's not true, bats don't just mob and murder large animals.

M: Dr. Morb holds up his bloody hand and the bats just come out of fucking nowhere, there's like a brazillian of them. And now it's MORBIN TIME. But first, his back story. Back 25 years ago before the morbing.

B: He was a young, sickly boy.

M: Holy shit it's Jared Harris. This is going to become a running joke. Morb has a blood disease. He's....infected. Needs regular oil changes. Biscuits once again suckin' down margarita like it's going out of style.

B: Oh shit, Milo is dead! He's fucking dead! Oh morb is super smart and knows how to fix the IV machine because he's got big brains. And the kid just instantly gets back up. He's fine. The doctor wants him to go to a school for gifted kids.

M: This sounds vaguely familiar. Like x men. And harry potter. We still don't know who Milo is. Lucien who just almost died is now getting his ass handed to him by some juvenile delinquents. Is his name Milo or fucking Lucien??? They keep calling him both. Morbo is now all grown up and he graduated stupid young and I have no idea what this has to do with Milo.

B: This backstory is as chopped up as...I don't know.

M: Morby is still pretty sickly looking though. He refused the ‘noble’ prize. Oh Milo is the benefactor to all these weirdo experiments. Morbo has a ton of bats. He's gonna use vampire bats dna to cure his weird blood disease. Oh he's gonna inject a mouse. That mouse is gonna MORB. Science always goes so fast in movies. The mouse is deadski.

B: What was supposed to happen to the mouse? It gets morbed? To save my best friend Milo who I shared 45 seconds of screen time with! Now the little girl is dying. Get this girl 100cc's of....drugs!

M: So they put her in a coma. Because you know. Science. Oh the mouse is fine. It came back.

B: Got morbed. Now he's gonna morb this poor sick child.

M: Oh damn we get to see Milo again. He's still sick. Jared Harris is still here. He hasn't aged a day despite everyone else aging 25 years.

B: Is that the guy who played Dr. Who?

M: Yep. Milo Who.

B: Milo just straight up rejected him. No bitches for Morbius. You up for a little morbin? Love is one thing, morbin...that's another. Now a callback to 10 minutes ago.

Michael Morbius & Milo, aka the M&Ms

M: Morbius is morbin up some dna in international waters where it's totally legal.

B: The biggest thing in this movie right now is that the pacing is going at BREAKNECK speed, everything is so poorly established. They did do a good job of making Morbius look on the brink of death because I am expecting Jared Leto to fucking die at any given moment. Oh NIPPLES, NIPPLES!

M: Oh my god.

B: Oh they're putting it in his spine AHHHHHHHH. You've never had a needle in your spine, I have! AHHHHHH. He's very skinny, but when he morbs he's gonna get so jacked. His nipples will be fully engorged.

M: You can't say things like that and expect me not to put it in there. Things are getting kinky, they have to tie Morbo down while he morbs. He's having a seizure or something. The lights will flicker on and off. He's unstrapped, he was just strapped down.

B: The seedy boat dude is down here checking on Morbius but he's bad because he disrespects women. They're doing delicate celibate research.

M: Morbo is now not on the table. He's hanging from the fucking ceiling making howler monkey noises. They shoot at him, but it's too late, he's MORBED. Oh my god, he looks hysterical. He ate that guy and how he's destroying shit.

B: Like Venom, he doesn't like noises. That woman just got pushed and she fell unconscious. Oh shit BULLET TIME. It's like the matrix! It looks bad. It does look like the source material but it shouldn't.

M: I don't even know what's happening. Morbo morbed and is killing fucking everyone.

B: He's going on a complete murderous morbius rampage. It feels like the whole movie has happened already.

M: Morbo wakes up and he's going back to being...human.

B: See he's buff! And he's got HUGE TITTIES. Did you see how big his titties are???

M: You're killing me. You are titty obsessed.

(Dib: What does LGBT stand for?? Leto got big titties??)

Biscuits is a proud member of the LGBT community.

B: *dies laughing* Morbius has to make sure his girlfriend is okay. He can hear her heartbeat because he's part bat.

M: I hope he's part sailor because he's got to get that boat back to land. Oh he's gonna Mayday it. Oh by the way you MURDERED everyone. Might wanna not be there when the cops show up. Oh the FBI is here. Doctor girl is in a coma just from getting pushed over. Morbo left an origami calling card though. Which was dumb.

B: Milo is like - that sounds like my ex boyfriend Morbius, he used to do that shit all the time. We used to Morb. Morbius is visiting his girlfriend in a coma. Whoops, sorry. My bad.

M: Oh the effects are wearing off. He's doing the stanky leg. He's gotta KEEP MORBIN. Despite the horrific side effects of murdering everyone. He's gotta get some blood.

B: He's using a pouch of blood like a fucking capri sun. Like a goddamn go gurt. He's doing math to figure out how often he needs to eat blood.

M: Morbius is like - well I'm a vampire but I'm really strong and I have huge tits so.....

B: Jared Leto is not a good actor. He's gonna vibe with his bat friends.

M: BATS DON'T MOB AND KILL PEOPLE. It doesn't happen. Oh he's got echolocation too. Oh this effect is so....so incredible. Wow. I can't even describe for our home audience how cool that was. The fake blood is only keeping him good for six hours, that's pretty bad.

B: Kids, don't do Morb. Milo shows up where Morbo has left all of his research carefully unguarded. He's locked himself in a cage to contain himself. He's writing BLOOD on the wall.

M: Milo has said Michael like 80 times.

B: Milo tries to pet him like a dog, lol. Milo is just like - HEY YOU'RE STRONG NOW.

Morbs do not appreciate being petted.

M: Nevermind all the sweating and blood drinking and shit. Milo is the one bankrolling this shit. Milo just wants the morb juice, damn the consequences. He wants big titties. I think Dib called it. Milo is gonna go get the morb juice and become the bad guy.

B: Dr woman is alive and concious. She doesn't know anything. She was dead at the time.

M: Is the FBI really suggesting that it looks like a vampire did this?

B: This is the MCU, they've seen weirder. But where is Dr. Morbius? Did he kill those people? Find out the next episode of Mighty Morbin Power Rangers.

M: We are not even halfway through!

B: HOW??? Again, the pacing of this movie is genuinely jarring. I don't know if it was the director or the writers or what but it's like being on a rollercoaster with pieces of the track missing.

M: Oh I guess he morbed out again and he's eating someone. Maybe. Might be Milo Morbin. Nobody notices that Morbius is suddenly tanned and jacked.

B: I'd smash that. Say what you will but I would hit that. Nobody notices how good he looks. Did he get some of that Captain America juice???

M: Oh the FBI found him. But his fake blood saved one of them. But they're like - hey you look pretty good for a guy who is mostly dead.

B: Did you do anything suspicious on that boat? Like turn into a vampire and eat a bunch of guys? He has beautiful eyes. I don't approve of anything he's said or done in his entire life but he's attractive. Morbius is gonna morb out and fight these dudes with his vampire powers. Oh he's got good leaps.

He’s neo-ing all over the place.

M: He's got a grab bag of powers that would make Wolverine Origins Deadpool jealous. The bullet time is my favorite one. Now he's in jail. But they let him journal. They brought holy water to the interrogation so apparently they believe he IS a vampire.

B: Well he's gotta be SOMETHING because they just saw him do like a 40 foot vertical leap.

M: That's fair. Morbius is like - well I might have killed some people but I'm not like other Morbs. Also I'm about to morb out right now. Please bring my bag of fake blood.

B: I'm starting to get hungry. You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry.

M: Milo shows up pretending to be his lawyer. He's gonna be like - the only way to fix this is to give me the morb juice.

B: They're charging me with murder. Well you did kill people! You very much did kill people!

M: Ooh maybe Milo killed that woman. He stole the morb juice. He did bring him some stuff though.

B: He's not walking with his cane anymore, he totally did.

M: Now Morbo is gonna have to get out and take out his childhood bestie.

B: The movie is just like Jared Leto sweating simulator.

M: It's morbin time. Oh fucking SHIT. He's fucking breaking through a concrete wall, for fuck's sake. Oh he's doing BIG JUMPS now. Stops for a spiderman style moment on top of a building. Oh and he's got like super hearing. Oh yeah Milo is definitely a vampire. We are halfway through this movie.

B: I don't understand what is happening??? Was this movie obliterated on the editing floor or was this how it was supposed to be??

M: What the fuck is the rest of the movie???

B: Jared Leto being sweaty.

M: Milo is like - hey it's cool.

B: Milo's supervillian arc happened so fast. I don't even have a word for how nonsensical this movie's pacing is. Milo has Black Canary's sonic scream. Vampire wrestling match in the subway. The trail effect is kinda hokey.

M: I'm not sure public is the best place for this conversation. Morbo is still wearing prison orange. Milo kills the cops who shows up and even more amazing effects. He fortnite dances. MICHEAAAAAAL.

B: Hey Mikey....Mikey baby...honey.

M: The rest of this movie is just slow mo effects shots. I don't think this is supposed to be funny but it really is. I don't even know what's happening to Jesus Morbius right now. Oh he's fucking FLYING. Just...flying. In the subway. I....I don't....

He’s playin’ the base and I’m FLYIN!

B: Not sure about that one, chief.

M: Milo is gonna go after doctor girl. To make Morbo mad I guess.

B: She's so important to this movie and I'm so invested in her arc. She's reading about how Morbius is wanted for murder but he's on the bus with her. Milo is using his science for EVIL.

M: Now they're in a diner. The issue is, when the fake blood stops working, I morb out. It's kinda bad. Some counterfeiters try to give a woman fake money after she knows it's fake.

B: Morbo is gonna go exact justice. They just counterfeited! I'm not sure they deserve to get fucking murdered.

M: This is the important counterfeiter arc. Is this really happening? We need to slow down the movie RIGHT NOW for this shit.

B: They're trying to show that he's a tortured soul. He's an anti hero. You never know what he's gonna do!

M: He's gonna take their lab? It's for making fake money, not science.

B: I don't know how counterfeiting equipment is gonna help him do blood science.

M: He seriously just made a venom reference??

B: He's a loose cannon Morb on the edge.

M: How is there this much tech in a money lab. And now the Milo sexy dance sequence that is really happening. He's very pleased with his titties I guess. This is really happening. The spiderman dance sequence is now no longer the most hilariously awful dance sequence in a marvel movie.

B: They could have cut that and it would have made no difference. Why is that in here? Milo is creeping on women at the bar now.

M: Can vampires drink tequila? I'm so lost about what is even happening. They don't need to establish that he's a bad guy! We already did that! We know he's a vampire and he killed people! But now he's just out there....roaming around??

B: Scenes in a movie don't really need to like...go together or have any work up or connection, right? Just put em wherever! In whatever order! It doesn't matter. Now Dr. Lady and Milo BadGuy are at Michael's lab and Milo is like - I want to help Morbo, do you know where he is?

M: But she already knows he's a vampire so... I guess he's just gonna leave.

B: Her character is just so incredibly not important to this movie. M: We are 2/3rds of the way through. Now we gotta drag out the final confrontation for another half hour. The FBI doing some fine work here. Oh no Dr. Lady Woman got scratched and Morbius smells the good juice and he's trying not to morb out. I love the whole fucking ‘on red’ shit.

B: ‘On red’ sounds like a euphemism for getting your vampire period. They're having such deep conversation. I really feel the chemistry between these two. None of this would have happened if they cast Keanu Reeves. He also has nice titties. If you just need a dude with nice titties, there's lots of options.

M: Oh they're KISSING. But Milo is watching from 10 miles away because he can do that now. The FBI again doing really important work. They're probably the most interesting characters.

B: The CCTV seems to show a guy getting fucking eaten by a vampire. Because that's how that works and it's not grainy or anything.

M: Jared Harris is like oh no....vampires. Maybe he's gonna be like some sort of vampire mentor. Or he's just gonna die because Milo's gonna murder him. The movie has started dragging ass. Milo has daddy issues. Now there's a showdown with Jared Harris about liking Morbo more. And apparently he just knows Milo's a vampire and he's like - okay? Oh he dead. Milo is a terrible villian ffs.

B: His arc makes no sense.

M: Now more bullshit blood science because Morbo has to die a hero. But there's a big problem with your plan MORBO, because Milo is not dead.

B: He's gonna try to inject Milo first, I think.

M: Jared Harris isn't dead tho so he calls Morbo who of course runs to help him because he's dumb. You can't just walk into a hospital, Dr. Morbo. And he's dead.

B: OH NO HE'S DEAD. This character who had like two scenes in the entire movie. But Morbo has super good ears and he can hear Milo threatening his girlfriend and so he's gonna go out with full ugly vampire face on and echolocate himself some bitches.

No bitches? Try echolocation.

M: That's how echolocation works.

B: He's....soaring.

M: The flying shit fucking kills me, it's so funny. Dr. LadyWoman is dying.

B: Use her tasty blood to make you stronger. Everyone is dying in a ten minute timespan now. They could have cut half this movie out and replaced it with some shit that makes sense. He angry!

M: Can we please do the final showdown and end this?

B: I'm gonna have to take a massive shit in a few minutes so can we wrap this up?

M: Morbo is getting his ass kicked.

(Dib: He's gonna inject himself with the blood and make Milo drink him.)

M: Quit calling everything!

B: Wow this is a really well edited action sequence where I can definitely follow what's going on.

M: And not badly lit at all. Oh it's time for the MORBIUS SCREAM which apparently fucking summons bats???

B: Morbius sucks. He just got his ass handed to him.

M: Oh you've gotta be kidding me. Are the bats gonna like...resurrect him? Eat Milo?? What!??! This is inadvertently HILARIOUS. More slow mo. Morbo is fucking conducting the bats like it's a fucking orchestra. This is really happening. They're attacking Milo.

B: *sadly* Oh nooooo.

M: He injects Milo with the stuff.

B: Get morbed. Mikey...I thought we were bros, dude. All of our bro moments. Our broments.

M: Is this over yet? Milo's dead.

B: Fellas, is it gay to stab your homies goodnight?

M: The cops....again. Time to morb out. A comically large amount of bats and Morbius Neos the fuck out of there. But Dr. Girlfriend is gonna come back??

B: Did his bite morb her into a vampire? That's the end?? O....kay.....

M: In the after credit scene...Michael Keaton is here???? He just got like...portalled into a room.

B: What does he have to do with Morbius??? The multiverse thing???

M: I....don't know. I really like the bisexual lighting honestly but that's like...the only thing.

B: What...no Morbius rap song????

M: Closing thoughts?

B: This movie is a TRAINWRECK. It's kind of entertaining in it's badness. It's so insane. I don't know how much was the director or the writer or the editors but it feels like three different movies spliced together. Half of it feels like there's scenes that are missing and the other half feels like filler that should have been cut out. There's no screen time given to developing the characters, I don't even know the doctor's name. All I can say is it's just a disaster.

M: I think you put it perfectly with the first and second half bits. It's so incredibly paced, I can't even describe it. It's so insane. It's way too fast and then way too slow and then way too fast again and it makes NO SENSE at all. I was kinda entertained, I will admit. I think it's unintentionally hilarious, and honestly all the morbin' time memes are dead on. He just morbs and there's zero explanation for his random powers or why they show up and when, it's just completely random. The special effects are really...something. Matt Smith could not villain his way out of a wet paper bag.

B: It's Morbin.

(Dib: How am I supposed to go on with my life now, now that I've been morbed???)

M: Munch and Biscuits and sometimes Dib, Morbin' out.

#morbius #morbo #morbin'#it's morbin' time #morbo from my shows #michael morbius #matt smith #marvel #jared leto #munchflix #humor #funny #review #munchflower #biscuits #morbius meme

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obsidiancreates · 2 years

Text

Meet Mondo Gecko Liveblog

Oh no, Mikey's experiencing ADHD understimulation! This is a dire emergency, it's the worst feeling ever.

Raph. You're embarrassed for Mikey to catch you playing with action figures? That. Wh-why?

Oh Donnie don't condescend- he's condescending. Wait, no, he was in hyperfixation mode and started happily infodumping. That was just Autism meets ADHD.

CASEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY HE'S BORED TOO YESSS MIKEY AND CASEY HANGOUTTTTTTTTTTT THEY'RE SKATING ON ROOFTOPS TOGETHER YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Who the fuck?

Casey how often do you say "Another mutant?" in that exact tone of voice?

No no Skatermander was good. Way better than Mondo Gecko.

Yeah I'd attack them too if they picked "Mondo Gecko" over "Skatermander". That's just disrespectful. That's cruel.

SERIOUSLY WHY WASN'T THIS THE THEME ANIMATIONS WHEN THEY WERE ACTUALLY IN THE FUCKING FARMHOUSE?!?!?!

Oh I hate Mondo, actually.

Casey, you don't know what a Gecko is? How?

Awwww, this is nice! Mondo likes being a mutant! That's fun!

Wait but what happened to Lars? Is Lars okay? HIS PARENTS KICKED HIM OUT?!?!?!?!?!? I HAVE TO KILL THEM I NO LONGER HATE MONDO

Listen to Casey, maybe? Maybe Casey has good intuition?

WHY DID YOU GUYS KNOCK OVER THE HOMELESS MAN'S CART?!?!?!?!

MIKEY NO I ALSO PREFER BOOYAKASHA BUT DON'T FUCKING DISS THE COWABUNGA

Yes Goongala is also good, Casey.

Old scho- I see you writers and I detest you

Oh Caseyyyyyyyy! My boyyyy!

Oh Mikey, I try so hard to defend your intelligence...

Oh good... Hun is back... KICK HIS ASS CASEY- PFFFFF CASEY LITERALLY SAID "EUGH" I LOVE HIM

CASEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY SWEETIEEEEE

Oh Mondo. Please stop being annoying so I can sympathize with you.

Yeah this part of the season is. I'm feeling bored. Everyone is irritating. Except Casey. I am happy that Donnie hasn't been Weird about April in a while, though.

CASEY LEARNED SELF-RESTRAINT YAY

Pfffft 4 Cops from Casey.

MONDO SHEESH

OUT LIKE YOUR MOM IN A BEAUTY PAGENT?!?!?!?!? CASEY THAT WAS A DEATHBLOW AND ALSO SEXIST WTF

Mikey, uh. Maybe don't choose Mondo over Casey

CASEY NOOO HE GOT GOT

Awww Raph and Donnie gaming against each other! Raph wanting to hang with Casey! Good stuff! I'm savoring breadcrumbs here people, the water is getting thin.

... Mr... X? I... worry. ... Is it Rat King?

MIKEY IN A CAGE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OH OF COURSE IT'S XEVER OF COURSE IT'S XEVER HIS NAME LITERALLY HAS AN X

Does Xever run an underground death skateboarding competition? Holy shit, he does. What?

HE GOT CASEY TOO NO

I wish I felt bad that Mondo got caught but. i feel very little for him. I'm sad he got kicked out but that's the exte- is that the We Will Rock You beat in the backgroun?

HOW MANY FUCKING MUTANTS ARE OUT THERE WHAT

IT'S TRUE HE IS SMART JUST A PARTY DUDE

OBLIGATORY HUMAN ALLY OH GOD WAIT HE IS OH NO XEVER KNOWS HIS TV TROPE CHARACTER TYPE oh Casey sweetie you're really not paying attention in English are you?

Love that none of the voice actors for the other mutants are here so they're just making grunting noises.

XEVER IS A SKATER?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I guess it adds up but I-I'm still surprised. Oh okay they got Baxter's VA.

CASEY FOR THE WIN CASEY FOR THE WI- Spiderbytes is in the audience?

HEY XEVER HAS ROCKET BOOSTERS WHAT A FUCING CHEATER

Oh there we go we got Clancy and Eric to say one line each

XEVER YOU BITCH

GOOD JOB MIKEY GOOD JOB CASEY I'M SO PROUD OF YOU BOTH

His fish... respond... to shouts? Above water?

Pffff good reaction shot

I'm getting bored with this one, not gonna lie. A fish was implied to bite Mikey's nuts and like I'm just kinda tired of this stuff.How'd we go from the Golden Standard of Dream Beavers to many episodes in a row that are so... not... great?

I did like that Casey's solution was "Whack Mondo as hard as possible to win by any means necessary".

Yaah I'm with April instant "Eugh" after Mondo did a Sexist.

Oh Mikey broke the fourth wall again. Okay.

I'm tired. These episodes have like... like they're full of energy... but not the right energy.

#tmnt 2k12 #tmnt 2012 #sid blogs live

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stray-tori · 1 year

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PiB 2 rambles compilation post

hi apparently ctrl+enter sends a post, whoopsies. attempt 2.

*kicks down the door* I JUST WATCHED PUSS IN BOOTS 2. & how can I return to my furry roots without returning to my tumblr roots.

! Spoilers ahoy !

OKAY SO: I SMILED LIKE SUCH A MANIAC DURING THE WHOLE WOLF INTRODUCTION WHICH IS PROBABLY NOT THE INTENDED EMOTION BUT IT WAS SO HYPE!! I WAS GRINNING BC IT WAS SO COOL!! I'M NOT WEIRD!! BE ON THE VERGE OF DEATH LESS COOLER IF YOU DON’T WANT ME TO BE HYPED. [I did calm down when he got seriously afraid though, dw i’m not that crazy]

Obviously i knew Kitty was gonna be in it but I was like HOW. WHEN. WHERE ARE YOU. and it was such a smooth and "of course!! of course she'S IN THE BOX" way to show up! I just saw the eyes and was like “:D!!!!” (Also does anyone else remember when DW said Kitty wouldn’t be in a sequel and the whole fandom was like “well then idc” DHSAJS)

ALSO MARRIAGE??! furry marriage is such a funny concept like. what are you gonna do- wear a flowy dress- apparently yes according to the dialog at least. IT'S JUST FUNNY MAN

Fun German Dub Things:

“savage” from one of the two sisters in response to the unicorn horns was translated to “Geiler Scheiß” which literally means “hot/sexy/awesome shit” but I JUST DON’T EXPECT TO HEAR “GEIL” IN CASUAL ANIMATED MOVIES Y’KNOW- then again I think it was also said in Strange World??

“that’s a dog in a cat costume” - “oh yeahhh- you tricky little shitter/fucker” Me: spits

“dogpiles don’t work on cats” -> “what are you doing? sleeping off a hangover” (hangover and puss are the same word in german) The fact that they not only adapted but it also works so well because he takes a sip at the end of that line is so!!!! GOOD JOB

All the "P" signatures were changed to "K" even in the animation?? I can’t prove this but once german ver is on something I’ll def compare the animations!! so much international effort holy shit... I was like "K??? for what does that stand?? KILL???" and then I was like "Kater??? [Puss] NO WAY WHAT"

there were a lot of cool transition cuts but one that stood out to me was after the scene with the lives singing and his silhouette shifted to two cliffs or something of the like-

Obviously the wolf is extremely cool and all his scenes slay so hard, but I also like how they played up whether he was real or not. I was tending to yes bc where he grabbed Puss on his coat there was actually a tear and I just thought it'd be hard to make a fight climax if he wasn't real, but I still like how they played that up BUT GOD THANK YOU I'm a little tired of things not being real (CoUGH IDV COUFH)

friend: Also have a close look at 4:51 [crowd shot of the extended preview] me: HOLY SHIT

HOWEVER, WHEN HE STARTED BEING LIKE "I was always there" i just sat there like. no. no you're not going to make me remember the STUPID EGG FROM THE FIRST MOVIE I WAS SO SCARED THEY'D GO INTO ANOTHER GOOFY MONTAGE!! I do think it's cool they kinda... made a parallel in that but I DIDNT WANT TO REMEMBER!! BEGONE

very fun movie. most fun cinema experience I've had for a while. I'm really glad I went to see it in cinema bc the heartbeat sound in surround sound was def grasping and like. obviously the bass and everything!

Also kinda got kicked by like... nostalgia too? I don’t really think of PiB as often as fondly as I do of KFP so it really surprised me that I got that happy to see them again. It definitely helps that the movie genuinely slayed.

it's what I want to feel for KFP but !! UGH THE CRINGE sahjads

I really enjoyed it, it definitely deserves all the hype it’s getting. go dreamworks!!

I will watch bad guys soon i promise i’ve been meaning to but A

#puss in boots 2 #puss in boots the last wish #tori talks #tori has opinions

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grrside · 1 year

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Metaverse Mischief (Male to Snowman TF, Modular cock)

A police officer has to solve a mystery in the toughest crime scene he's ever been in: the metaverse.

Metaverse Mischief

-a grrside story-

CHAPTER 1

Oh god, Jack Stunning... Now THAT was a stud.

How else could he be described? He was just a rookie police officer but you can bet your ass nobody else in the station looked nearly as good on that uniform.

With muscles which looked like they’d burst out of the tight fabric that imprisoned them at any second, this 27-year-old muscle god left the older officers embarrassed of their own pudgy frames.

An internal rumor making its rounds on the police station said that a quick glance at the thick nipples protruding through his shirt was enough to make any woman have an intense orgasm on the spot, which is why Jack preferred to maintain a low profile while off-duty by ordering his groceries online. Supposedly, making women of all types lubricate their panties at the supermarket was fun at first but after a few weeks the endless moaning became quite repetitive and unpleasant.

That may or may not have been an exaggeration but there was no doubt about this man being goddamn sexy. And handsomely strong to boot. You just had to look at his masculine face. His precisely short haircut contrasted with the little rebellious stubble on his square jaw and his abundant forest of dark chest hair. His deep piercing gray eyes made him look rough. Any criminal would piss their pants if they saw his thick eyebrows get angry. Damn, Jack Stunning meant really serious business, baby!

In fact, local criminality rates had hit an all-time low since Jack Stunning started kicking ass. And it sure was noticeable in the police station.

“Isn’t it kind of boring lately?” Said Carl, one of the most veteran and therefore pudgier officers. “I mean, Jack’s a great cop and all, but since he single-handedly takes care of all the thugs in the city we are stuck here doing paperwork. We don’t even issue speeding tickets lately... It’s like we are living in the most peaceful city in the entire world!”

The rest of the officers silently agreed with Carl as they ate their donuts.

Just then a computer programmer (he wore glasses and carried a laptop below his arm so it was quite obvious what his day job was) came running into the police station. His face was full of tears, like he had been crying in despair for hours.

“Woah! What happened to you?” Asked Carl, surprised that a citizen actually needed their help.

“They... killed...” Said the computer programmer between tears.

“Holy shit! There’s a murderer loose in the city?!”

The scrawny programmer took a deep breath and finally said the rest. “They killed my penguin!”

“Oh, animal cruelty! That’s still quite horrendous!”

The programmer shook his head. “They killed my pet penguin in Frosted Lands(tm), the premier winter-themed world in the metaverse! It cost me a buttload of money in microtransactions!”

“...Oh.” Carl’s face filled with disappointment. “Sorry kiddo, we don’t avenge video game character’s deaths.”

“You don’t understand! Killing someone else goes against the Terms of Service of this massively multiplayer online world rated E for all ages! Bending the rules like this... This can only be the work of a hacker!”

“But seriously kid, we don’t solve virtual crimes...” Carl said.

“It IS our duty to protect and serve every citizen of our fine city...” Said a deep and masculine voice. “...That includes our citizen’s virtual avatars.”

Carl’s jaw dropped. “Jack?! You’ve gotta be kidding me, you already are the perfect cop in real life, there’s no need for you to be the perfect video game character!”

“Me, perfect?” Jack laughed. “I’m just doing my work.” He smiled and his teeth shone so brightly that Carl got blinded for a second.

“Oh thank you, mister!” Said the computer nerd. “You’ve gotta catch that bastard! Who knows who’ll be next!”

Actually, Jack Stunning didn’t know much about today’s online gameverses and meta-whatevers. Technology had seemed to evolve so quickly over the last few years he lost track of all the technological advancements.

According to the nerd, the days of heavy Virtual Reality headsets were about to be over. With Virtualizer cameras, you could venture into the metaverse, for real! They were still in heavy development but the most rich enthusiasts had already gotten themselves one. They looked like very expensive webcams that scanned your body image and created a 3D model that acted like a digital twin on the screen. Jack understood that part, but no matter how thoroughly the computer nerd explained, Jack couldn’t comprehend for the heck of it how a simple camera was capable of transferring his entire conscience into a computer file.

Eventually the nerd gave up on trying to explain. “Let’s just say that the Virtualizer lets you go inside the computer, even though that explanation is extremely inaccurate...”

“I’m not sure about this, Jack...” Whispered Carl. “While you explore that virtual world thingy you won’t be here to protect the real world...”

“There’s no need to worry.” Replied Jack. “I know the city will be safe with all of you.” He pointed at the group of fat cops sleeping on the job.

“But still...”

“I am ready.” Jack announced. He was standing at attention in front of the laptop with his black police uniform covering his muscles.

“Ok, here we go...” The nerd turned on the Virtualizer and pointed it at Jack. The machine looked futuristic and expensive as hell.

“Now that I think about it...” Pondered Jack. “Does the camera virtualize my clothes as well? Because-”

*FLASH!*

There was a bright light and just where Jack had been standing there was a police uniform levitating up in the air. For a few seconds it looked like there was an invisible cop in the room, but the clothes fell into a pile soon after. There was a clinking sound as the handcuffs and the walkie-talkie Jack had been carrying fell to the floor at the same time.

“Holy shit! Jack’s inside the computer!” Carl pointed to the tiny pink smudge that was now Jack on the screen.

“Okay, so all that’s left to do is to upload him into the server.” Said the nerd. “As I said, the brutal killing took place in Frosted Lands(tm), a winter-themed virtual world in the metaverse with fun minigames and where no sexual content or violence is allowed...” The nerd glanced at the tiny confused naked stud on his computer screen, more specifically at his humongous cock. “...We’ll need to edit Jack’s body a little bit before uploading him there, genitals aren’t allowed after all. The default avatar is a guy wearing ski gear, but there are plenty others.”

“What do you think?” Asked the nerd to Carl. “Should we make him similar to how he looks right now? Or should we keep him incognito? Once he’s uploaded to the server it’ll be harder to edit his appearance without spending real money on microtransactions, so I suggest you choose wisely.”

Carl nodded absent-mindedly. Then he opened his mouth in shock. “Wait, you’re asking ME?” The pudgy officer realized he was in control of the fate of the little naked man running around on the screen. He felt powerful but also very, very afraid of screwing everything up.

The fat officer’s unimpressive boner was leaking in his loins. Holy shit, Jack Stunning was there on the screen, completely buttnaked. His hands were covering his crotch and this only served to make his hairy pectorals stand out even more because his 9-inch cock was impossible to conceal.

It was the first time Carl had seen Jack Stunning this vulnerable. The tiny little man stood in the center of the screen. He seemed to be protesting but he barely could be heard. His cries sounded like those of a squeaky little mouse.

“Is the size reduction a side-effect of the Virtualizer?” Asked Carl to the nerd operating the laptop.

The scrawny guy started talking with his mouth full of chewing gum. This nerd was gross. “Uh? Nah, he’s not small. The camera’s just too far away.” The nerd rolled up the mouse wheel and suddenly a crystal clear rendition of Jack Stunning’s hairy chest filled the screen. It was impressive how every single body hair had been perfectly recreated. “But it kinda grosses me out to zoom in so much on a *guy*.”

“Oh, of course...! It’d gross me out as well to see a muscular man like him all up and personal!” Carl lied. “...Although we should spin the camera 180 degrees around. You know, to make sure he’s being faithfully rendered...”

The nerd pressed down on the mouse wheel and moved the peripheral to rotate the camera. “Yes, he’s been virtualized with 100% fidelity. By the way, he missed a spot when he wiped his butt this morning. You can see some tiny specks of shit right between these two butthairs, right below the anus. Want me to zoom in between the buttcheeks too, uh? Of course I can. Seriously, you old geezers and your fear of technology...”

Jack Stunning turned around in surprise inside the empty virtual world. He was covering his penis with one hand and his butt with the other, embarrassed at the fact that the nerd and Carl were able to see him in 360º with every single intimate detail faithfully recreated.

“So, have you decided yet? What do we turn him into?”

Carl thought for a good while. Maybe a penguin? They were cute but Jack as an online enforcer needed to look more authoritative.

“Mmm... I know!” Announced Carl. “Let’s turn him into a snowman. It’d fit the theme. But make sure he looks as *stunning* as he looks right now... You know... Like a badass police officer.”

“I think I know what you mean...Let’s give it a try. Hopefully my modeling skills didn’t get rusty.” The nerd pressed the “Edit Mesh” button and Jack was forced to adopt a T-Pose with his arms. He blushed when he looked down at his dangling cock but he couldn’t move anything other than his eyes while he was being edited, as if invisible chains were restraining him in place.

Jack tried to protest when an oversized mouse cursor appeared and started hovering all over his body as it pondered what part of the naked man to sculpt first, but his screams were muffled. He realized there was an output sound volume button on the nerd’s desktop and it was currently set at the bare minimum.

“First off, this has to go.” Said the nerd as the cursor pointed at the 9-inch piece of meat. The nerd right-clicked it, then the giant cursor tentatively hovered over various woeful-sounding options like “Resize”, “Delete”, “Flatten” until it nonchalantly decided to press “Cut”.

The moment the cursor clicked it, Jack’s cock was gone.

“Mmmppphhh!” or “You bastard, you cut off my cock!”, which was what Jack wanted to scream.

Then the cursor created a new yellow folder out of thin air, named it “Unnecessary” and pasted Jack’s cock inside it.

“Why’s he so mad? His cock will be just fine in my folder. My Solid Storage Drive still has one year of warranty left.” The nerd commented as he saw Jack Stunning’s thick eyebrows move into a no-bullshit frown.

“Maybe he feels uncomfortable with another person keeping his cock away while he’s undercover...” Carl said. He’d surely be freaked out as heck in Jack’s situation. “I’m sure he’d rather keep it close.”

“Oh...” The nerd chewed in thought. “Ah, I know!”

The nerd opened the folder and right-clicked Jack’s penis, then selected “Edit”. First he changed the cock’s color to orange and applied a carrot-like texture. Then he squished his balls and the tip of the shaft so it’d look more like a carrot.

“MMMMMF!” Cried Jack, feeling all the changes applied to his cock in real time.

The expressionless cursor then attached Jack’s cock...er...carrot to his nose. Jack could feel his cock and nose fusing as one body part that shared each other’s functions.

The cursor applied a snow texture to Jack’s body, overriding all of his body hair in the process. He now looked like a very muscular sculpture made of pure white snow.

Jack winced with pain. His nipples had been turned into little perky rocks which were masquerading as snowman's buttons. The virtual pointer next turned Jack’s eyeballs into expressionless, solid black marbles and his lips into smaller pebbles which were positioned in a cocky grin. His facial expression now possessed the same anatomical complexity as a stick figure's.

The cursor applied a wooden texture to Jack’s muscular arms. A regular snowman would have feeble sticks, but this snowhunk had strong muscle tree trunks instead. They weren't firmly affixed to his now larger muscular torso however, these wooden limbs looked like they could fall apart from his body at any second. They were sticks lazily put on a snow body after all, it's not like they were glued.

The next thing to model was his clothing. Well, just a sheriff’s hat and a police tool belt carrying handcuffs and a badge were the only garments the nerd actually bothered to model.

“Just a few final touches...” Said the nerd as the cursor applied a reflective shader all over Jack’s muscles slowly and with care. This is what a statue must feel when it’s polished, thought Jack. It felt kinda nice.

The white six pack on his torso now had a faint rough surface as if it was made of actual snow. Jack’s body was white and shaved completely clean. This, unfortunately, included his oversized glutes, his buttocks now looking like two pristine white bowling balls.

When the cursor clicked “Save changes” Jack could move once again. He reached down under his toolbelt, a shiny bulge was all that remained of this snowhunk’s manhood. Jack rubbed his blank groin between his muscular white legs and he didn’t feel anything, but then he pinched his button-nipples and got so aroused he got a runny nose...er...carrot, from the slight touch on his sensitive buttons.

“That should do it... Oh, I didn’t notice Jack was muted.” The nerd increased Jack’s voice volume.

“He seems ready for action.” Said Carl looking at Jack’s expression.

“I’m not, it’s just that my mouth’s default idle position is a grin.” Jack admitted, his 9-inch carrot pointing down all flaccid with fear. “Err... I’m actually having second thoughts about this whole plan...”

“As long as our connection to Frosted Lands’ servers is stable there should be no problem.” Said the nerdy guy. “We can retrieve your virtual avatar’s body and restore it to full health with an app I have here on my laptop.”

Jack didn’t like how the nerd had said “virtual avatar’s *body*”, as if he could end up a corpse. It was a game designed for all ages, right? What could go wrong?

“Ok, beam me down into the servers, nerd guy.” Said Jack, keeping his cool. As cool as a snowhunk with no pants could be.

“Will you guys please stop calling me ‘nerd’? My name’s Steven...”

Carl was excited. “I can’t wait to see Jack Stunning in action! Jack him up to Frosted Lands, nerd guy!”

The nerd guy sighed and opened the app portal to Frosted Lands. The snowhunk walked towards it and the moment he touched the portal Jack Stunning’s data left the safety of the nerd guy’s computer and traversed the wild, strange world that is the internet until he arrived at his destination...

...

“...Why has the screen gone black?” Asked Carl.

“We lost our connection to Jack!” Cried out the nerd in a panic. “Damn! That hacker! He must have disabled our firewalls, or...! Oh, wait. It’s just that the movie I was downloading ate up my data cap... Uh... What’s your WiFi password?”

CHAPTER 2

While panic reigned in the real-life police station, Jack’s login process into his new virtual existence had already been completed. The muscle snowman stud clad in just a police officer’s hat and badge was in awe at what he saw. “Wow, so this is what the fuss is all about. This is the metaverse...”

The mighty metaverse looked like an extremely generic winter wonderland except for the fact that every single object you could see carried a price tag. Candy canes stuck on the floor, 5$ each. An igloo hut that served as a home, 5000$. Hot cocoa, 4$. An emote to drink from a cup of hot cocoa, 66$.

“Wowzers, I feel like I could spend my entire life savings in just five minutes if I'm not careful.”

But there was no time to shop around, Jack Stunning had a criminal to catch. He better find some clues or vital witnesses. Jack first asked a man dressed up like Santa, but the conversation went nowhere as he turned out to be just a mindless NPC advertising a new cola drink.

After this embarrassing disappointment, Jack saw lots of characters performing the same robotic dance moves to non-existent music which he could only assume to be... Real players!

One of those real players, one who wore a male default avatar with ski gear, approached Jack. “Hey, are you a newbie?”

Jack’s inexpressive black marbles for eyes blinked. Was this random person talking to him? The cop is the one who should be asking questions!

The muscular snowman whispered to the other side of the screen. “Eh, Carl and nerd guy, a pedestrian is asking me if I’m a ‘newbie’. What does that term mean?” But nobody answered. The connection to the real world was still spotty. Figures. He would have to improvise.

“I’m not a newbie, I’m just new here.” Jack answered with a straight face.

“Cool, bro.” The stranger said and stood there, still and quiet, for a few long and awkward seconds. Jack wondered what expression the guy was making behind the ski balaclava. It was very strange talking to a virtual avatar which may or may not be an accurate representation of the actual player. Hell, the stranger could either be a fat greasy old guy or a hot chick using a male voice filter.

“My player name is NotAGrifter#34959.” The stranger said and performed a handshaking emote that caused him to handshake the air in front of him in an eerily, uncanny valley way. “I like your avatar, bro."

Jack looked down at his muscular bare torso made out of cold, pristine white snow. “Oh, thanks. By the way, have you seen anyone acting suspicious around here-”

The stranger took a step forward and pointed at his chiseled six pack. “So much attention to detail. Especially the muscles. Is it custom-made?”

“You could say so. But-”

The stranger took another step forward. “Who made it? Where did you buy it from?”

“Well, I didn’t exactly buy it, because-”

The stranger got extremely uncomfortably close to Jack. “How much would you sell it for? What payment methods do you accept? Would you trade it for this limited edition scarf?”

Jack didn’t know how he could explain to this stranger that the snowman avatar was all he had and that it had been modeled using his own real-world body as a literal material using state-of-the-art Virtualizer technology. “It’s... it’s not for sale...”

“Ok. What about the accessories? The handcuffs? The police badge? How much for the buttons?” The random stranger reached for Jack's hard pecs and squeezed the button that used to be Jack’s left nipple. Jack couldn’t help yelping in a shriek of unexpected pleasure. It may have looked like a round pebble masquerading as a button but to the snowman it felt like an extremely sensitive part of his own body. Jack's nipples had always acted like remote controls for his arousement level, and they were literally hard as a rock right now. The hunky snowman’s cock twitched and hardened in such an abrupt and exaggerated way it was cartoon-grade comical.

“Oh my *beep*ing god!” The stranger was so excited that he had triggered Frosted Lands(tm)’s patented censor beep. “The carrot has animations included?! How much do you want for that carrot?”

Jack blushed. He had almost forgotten his cock was now a carrot ‘nose’ visible to everyone. He instinctively tried to use his wooden muscular arms to hide his orange nine-incher from view, but his short wooden twigs did a very poor job at covering up the gargantuan erection that hung on his face.

NotAGrifter *NEEDED* that carrot. Wearables with animations were worth much more than regular accessories. He was sure it would fetch a lot in the black market of limited edition items were Jack to be unfortunate or gullible enough to lose it. He wondered if it included any other emotes...

Jack shrieked when the stranger suddenly and with no warning flicked the tip of his erect nose. The phallic carrot swayed up and down and hardened even more. Jack's poorly-made caricature of a human face blushed. “Please, don’t!”

“It even has mucus fluid simulation, so much attention to detail!” NotAGrifter said, completely unaware he had just touched Jack’s penis and that the dripping mucus was actually his precum. He reached for all nine inches of it and squeezed hard.

A giant user interface window appeared in front of Jack's eyes. “NotAGrifter#34959 has sent you a trade request for your currently-worn item, ‘Snowman’s Carrot (Nine inches-long)’, accept or decline?”

The big sign obscured the muscular snowman's line of sight. "Woah! How do I get rid of this thing?!" Jack panicked as he struggled to press the floating 'Decline' button blindly with those fragile and unnecessarily-complex-to-articulate twigs of his.

"Trade request accepted. You gave the following item(s) away: 'Snowman's Carrot (Nine inches-long)'. You received the following item(s) in return: 'Nothing'." The floating user interface window cemented the deal.

Jack was dismayed. "NO! That's not what I wanted to do!"

The system message vanished as fast as it had appeared. NotAGrifter grinned with satisfaction under his balaclava when Jack's cock ultimately detached from the snowman's face with a comical 'plop' sound effect.

"You bast*beep*ard! Give it back!" Jack tried to grab his former cock and balls but his upper limbs made up of tree branches passed through the obscenely large vegetable as if they were intangible. "What the?!"

"NotAGrifter#34959 is not accepting trade requests at this time." A small warning informed the snowman.

The metaverse didn't follow the same rules as real life. Players couldn't just take another player's items by force, no matter their difference in physical strength. It was meant to give players a sense of ownership over their virtual belongings as they wore the latest fashion cosmetics they bought with real currency, furnished their virtual homes with all the expensive furniture they had gathered in their adventures, or even speculate with them in the marketplace which functioned just like an auction house. Unwanted property that didn't fetch a good price could also be permanently deleted from existence so it wouldn't waste valuable inventory space on the server.

And Jack's genitals were now legitimately NotAGrifter's property, which meant that the shady player could do with them any of the above as he pleased.

"Impressive, bro. The texture work is incredibly detailed." NotAGrifter traced a finger on its surface. "It's slightly redder on the tip and there are veiny-like things along the shaft that give it a healthy and mature look. It's a damn fine vegetable, bro. I have seen a lot of snowmen's carrots but none as long and thick as yours, bro."

"That is... Uh... Nice of you to say, I suppose..." Jack blushed. "...But yeah, you've had your fun examining it, how about giving it back?"

The masked man was engrossed by Jack's thingy. "Oh, wow, it has a lot of animations, bro. When I squeeze it right below the tip it grows thicker! But how do I make it release all the sticky goo it has stored inside? It looks like it really needs to burst, bro!" The guy shook the huge thing around, squeezed it and tickled it.

All of this would be much easier on the undercover policeman if he didn't feel every single touch and prod on his cock with the same intensity as if it was still physically connected to him.

The poor carrot was so desperate for release that it twitched on the ski man's hands. It was a very sensitive, long and hard organ and all the constant teasing was making it go through a living hell.

"I want to see it blow a huge load!" The ski man said as he lashed all nine inches of it as if it were a whip. "C'mon! How do I make it sneeze?"

It was too difficult for Jack to keep his cool while being this turned on. "Please, ahhh, can you give me my carrot back already, ohhhh..." He began thrusting his muscular snow-white hips forward as his arousement was too much. But no matter how much the big policeman hilariously humped the ground and scratched away at his blank crotch, his erect genitals were still at NotAGrifter's mercy. Release was so close, yet so far!

"This carrot is so rare..." NotAGrifter was in love with the valuable item and seeing how desperate Jack was to recover it, the shady character knew exactly what he had to do.

...

"Thanks for showing me your carrot, bro. I'll work hard to earn one that looks as impressive someday. You can have it back." The ski man said against all odds.

"Phew, I thought for sure you were a grifter scheming to scam me." Jack said. "So gimme, gimme! And with haste, please!" Jack extended his arms, eagerly awaiting the orange dildo of a carrot.

"What? No, bro. I'm not a grifter. That's the reason I chose this username. See? I'm not a grifter, therefore NotAGrifter fits me like a glove, bro."

"Ok, ok, just give me my co- I mean, my carrot back!" Just a few seconds more and he would jizz all over the ski man's hands.

"Sure thing bro. Woah, bro, your face is so red right now. You got a fever? I don't think it's a good idea for a snowman to be so hot." The ski man adjusted his ski glasses with concern.

"We can discuss that *after* you give me my thingy back!" Jack danced with desperation. He was so close. The slightest tease could make him cum now...

"But snowmen melt if they get too hot, bro." NotAGrifter said as he casually squeezed Jack's hard dick.

"Man, I can tell you're strong and fit with your thick pristine white muscles telling everyone who's boss the moment you enter the room but behind that whole cold blooded facade what you really crave is the ice cold touch of a fellow male snowman that puts you in your place." He waved the hard cock around as he explained.

"Hot snowmen need to keep their temperatures low by embracing other snowmen. It's in their DNA, that's why you find so many wild snowmen wrestling against each other around here. I have seen them, bro." He squeezed harder and more passionately...

"Those snowmen bear hugging each other, the hot sweat on their muscles evaporating the moment they touch each other. You crave that, don't you? Snowmen who get too hot end up as white goop on the ground." ...And harder and harder...

"Yes, their snow bodies are so hot they melt into their own bodily juices. You don't want that happening, right? To feel so hot that you melt into your own white stuff because of craving too much the touch of hunky men all over you? Because that's what you are, a mindless muscle-craving snowstud...

Oh, you 'sneezed' all over. You ok, bro? You left quite a big mess."

Jack's detached cock had jizzed like a huge fountain. His muscles were losing definition as the snow that gave form to his body melted with pleasure. He needed a quick breather for his overloaded brain to 'unmelt' itself from the orgasm. "Ohhhh, man..."

"Oh right, I had to give this back to ya."

Jack saw another trade window. NotAGrifter had offered his cock back. The snowman didn't feel himself in a hurry to have his genitals back post-nut, but he groggily accepted and the carrot appeared right in front of him, floating and spinning mid-air.

"See ya, bro!"

"Yes... 'Bro'... Phew, that was intense..." The snowman could barely pull himself together. He couldn't believe he had gotten so hot and bothered by some anonymous rando's online nonsense!

Jack felt groggy, as if had drunk a lot of alcohol, his brain cells melting into hot water. Fortunately, it didn't take long for his body to revert to his hunky self of solid muscle.

"Oh, by the way, how do I equip my carrot?" Jack realized it wasn't as simple as just sticking it in. The damn thing didn't want to get attached back to his face. He probably had to use the equipment menu, but Jack was clumsy as heck with computers and user interfaces. He would need help, but NotAGrifter had already bolted off to stalk another new player.

"Well, let's try this. It can't possibly be too hard, could it?"

CHAPTER 3

Meanwhile in the real world, Carl was very scared. "What if the hacker has attacked Jack?" Carl pondered out loud. "Damn it! We should never have sent our best man on such a dangerous mission!"

"This should do the trick." Said the nerdy computer programmer as he restored the police station's connection to the virtual world and Carl practically jumped with joy, as he couldn't live a second more without seeing his hero.

However the screen greeted them with a very grotesque image instead.

The nerd was visibly disappointed. "What the fuck, Jack? We go away for less than ten minutes and you're already messing up the avatar I so meticulously designed?"

"Oh... Er... Hi guys..." Jack was very embarrassed. "Look, I can explain... I messed up dealing with the equipment menu and well..." He said with his mouth full.

The equipment menu had looked simple enough. But Jack still thought of his carrot nose as his cock so instead of equipping it into his face he mistakenly attached it to his groin. He tried correcting his mistake by selecting his face and his crotch and then pressing the "attach" button. The very next thing he knew his meaty snowhunk lips were sucking his own monstrous cock, still full of sticky goop after his recent nut.

"Dude! You're fucking self-sucking yourself in public! You look too obscene! What if the censor bots see you?!" The nerd furiously said.

"Sorry..." Jack apologized, his torso still stuck bended at 180 degrees, his anus wide open for everyone to see.

"Censor bots? What are those?" Carl asked the nerd, the fat man unable to shift his eyes away from the naughty snow hunk performing autofellatio.

"They're artificial intelligences that moderate the metaverse. If they catch you violating the Terms of Service they can ban you from the game forever... Or even worse still, reset your battle pass progress in order to make you play more."

"Woah, they're monsters! That's too cruel."

The nerd opened the equipment menu and in a flash unglued Jack's face from his crotch and restored his cock carrot back to a innocent-looking nose. But it was all in vain, because a big robot with a shiny black metal surface and a forbidden sign for a face had already made its act of appearance in front of Jack.

"YOU VIOLATED THE TERMS OF SERVICE. THEREFORE YOU ARE PERMANENTLY BANNED FROM ALL SERVERS AND YOUR CUSTOM ASSETS WILL BE CONFISCATED BY OUR GLORIOUS COMPANY." The robot said in a deep monotone voice.

"That doesn't sound good..." Jack said.

Carl was in full panic mode but the nerd was even more worried. "Custom assets? But Jack, *you* are those custom assets... Uh, oh..."

"Does that mean they're confiscating Jack?!" Carl yelped.

"Yeah, Jack will be turned into a file that belongs to the metaverse's president. Then most probably they'll churn out infinite copies of him that will be handed out as a battle pass reward next season. If they turn him into a pet he'll retain some degree of autonomy but if they turn him into a skin he'll just be an empty husk of himself for people to wear."

"What?! I don't want to be a prize for people to claim!" Jack protested.

"They can't do that to him! He's a human being, not some asset that can be copied and passed around!" Carl was pissed.

"Of course they can do that. It's all written down in the Terms of Service nobody reads but we all agree when we play." The computer programmer said.

Carl was sweating like a pig. "What can we do then?"

The arm of the robot turned into a big cannon, locked and loaded, pointing at Jack. "PREPARING TO TAKE OVER THE OWNERSHIP OF THE NAUGHTY ASSET..."

Jack prepared for the worst. He kept the inexpressive black marbles he had for eyes closed. "So this is my end. My consciousness will be erased and then the rich CEO who owns the metaverse company will profit out of my own corpse of a body forever and ever... I hope I become an uncommon battle pass reward, at least..."

An explosion erupted...

And then Jack opened his eyes. The censor bot had been demolished, only a pair of smoking robot legs remaining. "What? But how, who...?!"

There was a person. An individual enveloped in blue, standing like a sentient blue flame of bright burning fire. He was holding the censor bot's head in his hands. The celestial figure crushed the barely functioning thing with his bare hands like it was made of paper.

Jack was speechless. Whoever this thing was, it was his savior. "T-thank you...!"

The blue man turned around. He was completely devoid of hair and clothing. His body consisted of blue flames that shone brightly in the darkest of places. "I simply did what I must." His voice sounded distorted, like he was using some sort of filter or voice modulator. Talking about distortion, there was what looked like an aura of garbled graphic artifacts surrounding him.

"Jack, be careful! That graphical distortion and that overpowered strength... He must have modified his own code!" The nerd said on the other end. "That must mean he's..."

"That's right, you could say I'm a hacker." The figure said.

"Yikes! He can hear us!" Carl said with surprise and fear.

"But he doesn't strike me as a bad guy." Jack said. "He just saved me from becoming a simple game asset."

"That may be true, but..." The nerd said. "My pet penguin was killed by a hacker! What if this guy is the killer?!"

"I'd never use my hacking prowess to harm other players. I wouldn't want my living space to be filled with violence. However, I may know who killed your pet."

"Uh?!" The nerd pressed his face into the screen.

"The company who claims to own the metaverse is running a disprestige campaign against hackers. I wouldn't be surprised if they are blaming us for the bugs on their own software." The hacker put his hands on his sides, seemingly disgusted. "Not only are they shifting the blame to us, but it makes people more accepting of their censor bots blasting people around. It's a double win for them."

"So you're telling me... My pet penguin died because of them..." The nerd's face filled with tears. "Dammit! I was so invested in the metaverse, but in the end it was all just a lot of money thrown down the drain!"

Jack was thinking hard about the whole thing. They had solved the mystery of the killer of the nerd's virtual pet. But the killer was a much bigger enemy than he initially thought. It wasn't some random person, it was the richest company on Earth.

"That's it, I'm quitting the metaverse forever. It was all a big bunch of lies from the start." The nerd sobbed.

Carl looked at Jack. "Well, that's another case closed for Jack Stunning. Should we log you off now?"

"I'm going to stay a little bit longer... There's something that bothers me. Nerd?"

"Yeah, the nerd is annoying as hell for me, too." Carl retorted.

"That isn't what I meant." Jack tried to look directly at where he thought the nerd was. "I just wanted to say that I don't think the metaverse is all bad.

I've found weird people for sure, and the terms of service are dubious at best, but I've also found people that look like complete grifters at first yet don't turn out to be grifters but great roleplayers instead and I've also meet people with differing views to mine that are willing to help complete strangers, like this hacker.

What I mean to say is that maybe, just maybe, if we let the metaverse grow with the help of what matters most, that is, the people, it could turn out not to be a total load of bull*beep*shit."

"And that's the true meaning of the metaverse!" Carl added.

The nerd stopped sobbing. "...So what you're trying to say is that there's hope for this place?"

The snowman stuck his white chest out with pride and confidence and made a thumbs up with his tree branches. "That's right!"

"Of course there is." The hacker joined in. "I love the metaverse. As I mentioned, it's where I live." The hacker was being literal. He explained he had wasted all of his life savings to buy a Virtualizer and now lived as a permanent resident of the metaverse, his old real life self be damned. "And now, reborn as FlameBlue, I'll fight to the bitter end for a free and open metaverse... Or at the very least one that allows nudism."

"What a noble cause." Jack admitted. "If you ever need any help in your fight let me know, Flame. I have to return the favor after all!" He smiled warmly and shook the hacker's hand. He casually noticed that the nudist man's flames tickled but didn't hurt.

And that's how Jack Stunning's first case in the metaverse ended. However, Jack's fight for justice in this new world had just begun. It would be a long and hazardous journey, that was for sure, but the star policeman felt pumped and ready for action.

"By the way, Flame." The snowman eventually asked FlameBlue. "If you're a nudist, why didn't you choose a bigger willy for your avatar? Looks very embarrassing to be flopping that tiny thing around!"

"Err... It's based on my offline penis..." The nudist hacker responded, his blue face tinting red with shame. "I didn't modify it one bit..."

"Oh."

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