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wellthatschaotic · 4 months

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"they're just doing it for attention"

so! this phrase has been on our mind a Lot recently. decided to make a Post about it. (note: if this post gets popular please be reasonable we're literally Just Some Guys on the internet ;-;)

trigger warnings for: self harm mentions, suicide/suicidal ideation, neglect, trauma

firstly: attention is as human need. that's a fact. it's a need. we are social animals. loneliness genuinely hurts and there is a reason solitary confinement can be like. a form of torture. neglect is a form of trauma. we need attention.

that being established: if a kid is "just doing it for attention"? chances are, they need attention. note the difference between doing something for attention and doing something because they want something. kid crying in the store over a chocolate bar? that's not for attention, that's for the chocolate bar. they're not In Need. kid throwing a fit over "nothing" and just trying to get someone to Notice Them? probably "just" doing it for attention. the response should not be "so ignore them until they stop", it should be Fucking Talk To Them and Make Sure They're Okay. i don't CARE how annoying the kid is being if they are desperately seeking attention HELP THEM. if the kid was begging for water you'd help them right?

on that note: the mindset "they're (just) doing it for attention, so ignore them until they stop" is legitimately dangerous. if you have a need that is not being fulfilled and method one doesn't work, you don't just go "oh well guess i don't actually need this thing". you try again. and again. and get more severe. and get more "annoying". and get more traumatized. i'm not being dramatic when i say this mindset can lead to neglect and trauma. honestly it probably only started because of neglect, and the kid is trying to communicate that without knowing how. because kids are still learning how to exist and how to communicate and most likely can't even find the cause of why they feel like shit.

also: neglect isn't always purposeful. if you think you're doing everything right and the kid still is overdramatic "for attention": talk to them. help them figure out what's wrong. help them figure out what need isn't being met and work with them to fulfill it. it's not your fault for not immediately knowing everything your kids' needs. it becomes your fault when they become desperate for it and you ignore it. kids are people too.

this desperation can show itself in a Ton of ways. excessive people pleasing, being loud and annoying, being overly clingy, being overdramatic. the correct response is not "ignore them until they stop". chances are they will stop that one method. but they will try another. and most likely escalate. even if it doesn't make sense to you what they're doing or why, talk to them. i cannot stress this enough. kids are smarter than you think. work with each other to figure out what's wrong and find a solution. because the longer you deprive them of a need the worse it will get. including to the point of self-harm and suicidal ideation, and even going through with it. even if it seems low-level, it's still taking a mental toll, and there comes a breaking point.

i focused mostly on childhood neglect, but this also is true for adults. if someone is faking a disorder "for attention": something is wrong and they still need help, even if it isn't for the disorder they claim it's for.

i can't think of many more examples on the spot but hopefully at this point you get the message.

tldr: people do things for attention because they need attention. the answer isn't "ignore them until they stop", it's to talk to them and find a solution.

#sh tw #sh mention tw #suicide mention tw #si tw #neglect tw #trauma tw #ask to tag #in case i missed anything

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bloodcoveredbutch · 5 months

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hiiiiii okay weird question but !!!!!!!

im very interested in the saw franchise and i really want to learn more about the movies and maybe watch them someday, but i wouldn’t dream of it right now because. i am not a visual horror person and wouldn’t be able to enjoy the story lol

this post made me rly curious tho, do you mind explaining what this means / what happened to her ? /nf <3

OH its pretty simple actually i think. ive only gotten up to saw 2 (this one!) so im kind of in the same boat as you are LOL. bsasically she put her hands.in The Box to try to get the antidote for whatever it is jigsaw infected (if thats the right word) them with. she Failed obviously and the little holes in the box she put her arms through had. Razor blades along them which made it impossible for her to get them out. (image below, tried to get one thats not. very gruesome and hard to look at)

so i guess she just bled out there.with her arms all cut up and stuck in the box. probably was the hardest scene for me to watch (other than the self-harm flashback but that was only a few seconds long. the needle pit was also kinda gross)

#blood tw #razor tw #sh mention tw #asks

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lotusthekat · 1 year

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[ID: a messy digital sketch of Steven and Lars hugging. Steven is crying. Lars' arms are scarred from past cuts. /End ID]

this is super old, I drew it around the time I posted those very very very very self-indulgent sketches that people liked for some reason.

I hate to say that even a year later, I still need this kind of hug 😔

DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION!

Don't tag as ship.

I would rather not know about anyone's past hatred of Lars in the notes, so please make your own post.

#steven universe #steven universe future #steven quartz universe #lars barriga #brotp #my art #fan art #sketches #vent art #artists on tumblr #self-harm mention tw #sh mention tw #sh tw #please excuse the anatomy in these sketches fkghfdjgfjhgf

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ouchhq · 4 months

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seeing my therapist for the first time since before christmas in a couple of days 🫥

#sh mention tw #i am here in bed just thinking of how i can break it to her that i had a terrible few weeks and i did some /bad/ things to myself because as #much as i know it takes time to talk about certain things i know that i am getting worse very fast and im scared of and for myself and i e #feel like i really should talk about the sh but man. is it difficult #i feel so ashamed of myself for it. i tried to talk about it many times already and every time i do my throat closes and i start tearing up #and i just cant get the words out #i feel like a coward for not being able to do it. its just so humiliating. i always think of the act and how insane and innatural it is and #i dont want my therapist to picture it #but im getting worse and that is definitely my main problem and has been for a while so i guess its also no use to keep avoiding the subject #im literally trying to convince myself here hah #jesus…… how fucked up is this

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uncanny-tranny · 2 years

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I think something that has helped me with dysphoria and coping with it was to learn how to not view my body as an obstacle or a terrible thing. In the midst of dysphoria, it was so hard to not think of my body as a terrible thing - "why did my body do this to me". I used that line of thinking to deny it and myself pleasure - the pleasure of happiness, of contentness, of food and drink, of being alive. I was in such a dark place because I couldn't punish my body, and my mindset was that I needed to in order to find closure.

As I have transitioned in many ways besides medically, my body has shown me that it was doing the best it could with what it was given. My body wasn't trying to hurt me, even if I had seen it that way. My body and I were on different pages, but that didn't mean that my body deserved to be hurt. I've found that refraining the "my body is an obstacle to be overcome" into, "this (dysphoria) is a situation I am currently in which is nobody's fault. How can I help myself and be kind to myself in the process?"

I won't lie and say it's easy to overcome a toxic mindset like the one I was in. Only when I have started my medical transition specifically (so, just over a year) have I been able to think of this at all without the urge to go back to that mindset to an extreme degree. But there is hope. Every day, I want to learn to be kinder to my body. I don't see my body as me, but I see it as something which houses me. This body houses me, and I treat houses with respect, so why can't I do the same to my body?

I make this post to reach out to the people who are like how I was, how I am still to a small degree. The vastness of dysphoria and dispare seem deep, they really do. But that doesn't mean that internal peace and contentness is impossible. This situation is unfair, but holy shit, I know I'm so proud of you. It's going to be okay one day. There is always that chance.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #dysphoria tw #sh tw #sh mention tw #self harm tw #ed tw #ed mention tw #disordered eating tw #i don't really know how to word this and i hope i did it in a way that's understandable #this isn't to invalidate the real feelings of dysphoria people had #i had them too #and it gave me a ton of problems because i personally use that mindset as a bludgeon...#...it's just something i have done for quite literally 99% of my life #but this 1% where that isn't on my mind as much? it's been so healing. it has been holy even...#...and that's come from my transition #this obviously cannot help everybody #i don't think this pist CAN do that #but as a kid all i wanted to know was that there is hope. this is the closest i can get to that #these words were what i needed to stay surviving. i hope a kid like me can see this and see a future for themself

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kokichis-dead-dove-club · 3 months

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weeeiird question sorry abt that (and feel free 2 skip) but do you have 2 support art that romanticizes/sexualizes self harm 2 be proship?

nah, the only thing you need to be proship is to be anti-harassment and anti-censorship

(i'm also assuming that by support you mean enjoy, feel free to send another ask if i'm wrong abt that)

#self harm mention tw #sh mention tw

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irondad-defensesquad · 2 months

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The perks of being a wallflower - Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Also on AO3! (Starts from first chapter)

TRIGGER WARNINGS (for this chapter) - mentions of suicidal thoughts and self-harm

DO NOT SHIP PETER AND TONY. P/ROSHIP DNI.

Weird. Apparently, the kid left earlier today, according to Happy. Peter is in school.

Tony has been feeling a little guilty for telling Peter to go to bed the way he did. Although Peter wasn’t in any condition to be in the workshop, the teen looked pretty drained. Not just physically but emotionally as well.

Thus, Tony thought he could make some nice breakfast for Peter. But then he found the boy’s bedroom empty. Peter must have left in a rush since he left his room messy. It’s not like him to leave without saying anything to Tony.

Regardless, the man starts organizing Peter’s things, like the bed and the abandoned clothes everywhere. The entire time, Tony tries to figure out what’s going on.

That is, when a white envelope lying on Peter’s desk catches his attention. Especially the big “Mr. Stark” written on it.

Huh, so he left Tony a letter? Peter usually texts him or calls him when he needs Tony.

The man carefully opens it, finding a handwritten letter. It looks messy but still readable. And the paper seems to have… dried teardrops. Quite a few of them.

“Dear Tony,

Dear Mr. Stark,

I’m so sorry I was messing everything up in the lab. I didn’t mean to make you angry.

I’m not feeling very good lately, for some reason. I mean, everything is better now, right? I love coming over and building things with you. That’s my favorite part of the week. But I’ve been feeling so bad, worse than I’ve felt in a while. I wanted to cry so badly and I didn’t want you to see me like this, because it’s not your fault, Mr. Stark.

I’m so tired. I want to die again. Or cut myself again. But F.R.I.DA.Y would let you know and you would probably get angrier with me.

So I’m gonna leave in the morning, okay? Maybe I should be alone for a while. You don’t want to deal with me like this. Again, I’m really sorry I ruined our time together.

I guess I’ll see you around.

Love Sincerely,

Peter”

…

Oh my god.

This is why Peter was feeling so off yesterday. Tony just assumed Peter was being irresponsible and not getting enough sleep. But the signs were so clear. And Tony didn’t even bother to check in on the kid.

He immediately takes his phone again to text Peter. He decides not to call in case Peter is in class right now.

Tony: Hey kid

Tony: You’re at school, right?

Well, the GPS says he’s in Midtown. Then again, Peter could abandon his phone somewhere or hack it like he did his Spider-Man suit before. In the meantime, Tony asks Happy if the driver noticed anything off about Peter. Happy only says that he noticed the kid was quieter than usual, but he just assumed Peter was tired.

Eventually, probably during Peter’s morning break, Tony gets a reply.

Peter: sup

Peter: yeah why?

Thank goodness.

Tony: I was just wondering if we could grab a bite after school’s over. Sounds fun, right?

The typing dots take a while to appear.

Peter: uh sure

Peter: is everything ok mr stark?

Tony: Of course, kiddo. I just miss you.

Peter: you literally saw me yesterday

Tony: Well, you left without even eating my masterchef breakfast.

Peter: you always burn the pancakes lol

Tony: Shush, that only happened once.

Peter may be joking around but Tony knows better than that.

Tony: Okay, I’ll pick you up then we can eat whatever you want. Sounds good?

Peter: ok mr stark

Tony: Alright. Sorry to bug you. See you later, kid.

Peter: see ya

Now Tony will only see Peter at 3 PM. He’ll just have to know what he’s going to do when they see each other again.

Tony is waiting inside the car, watching all the kids leaving school. Then he sees Peter talking to Ned. He’s smiling and laughing with his best friend. It all feels like any ordinary day… except Tony is keeping Peter’s letter with him.

Peter and Ned do that handshake of theirs, not without Ned staring at Tony’s car with amazement. He waves hello despite not being able to see Tony from outside due to the windows.

Regardless, Peter gets in the car with his usual casual smile. Though he seems a little suspicious of Tony’s sudden invitation.

“Hey, Mr. Stark,” Peter says regardless.

“Hey, kid. Did you have a good day?”

“I guess so.”

Tony is unable to really hide his concern, so Peter’s smile fades quickly.

“Okay, Mr. Stark, what’s all this about?” He doesn’t ask impatiently, he just doesn’t understand. He’s not even expecting Tony to apologize to him for being rude to Peter. Because he believes it’s his fault for not feeling well.

Tony sighs deeply, taking a moment before revealing the envelope, which was carefully closed again.

“... I read your letter.”

Peter’s eyes widen like never before. He snatches the envelope quickly.

“What?! No, you weren’t”– Peter looks like he wants to tear the letter into pieces –“You weren’t supposed to read it!”

“What do you mean? It was on your desk and it had my name,” Tony gently points out.

“No, I forgot it there! I was supposed to take it with me!”

“But you still wanted to tell me something, right?”

Peter groans, angrier at himself than anything. Tony almost puts a hand on his shoulder but he doesn’t know if that’s going to help.

“This is so embarrassing,” the teen says, wanting to cry.

“Kid–”

“No, I mean…”

Peter takes a deep, shaky breath.

“Ever since I was a kid, I would… write letters to you. I did send you the first ones but that was a long time ago. I knew you wouldn’t reply ‘cause you had more important things to do… but I kept writing more and more, imagining you’d be able to read them somehow. These letters got a lot more personal and no one else knew about them, not even Aunt May or Ned… or my uncle. I stopped writing them when I became Spider-Man because I wouldn’t really have time, and well… I got to know you, so why keep writing letters, right?”

The teenager starts letting out tears. He tries to hide them.

“But this last week… I dunno what happened. I started feeling really bad again. I was afraid of telling you that and I screwed up. So I thought it’d be better if I left before I ruined everything for good.”

Now, Tony squeezes his shoulder.

“Peter…”

“I-I didn’t, like… plan to do anything against myself. But I’m still thinking about it. Things are gonna get bad again and I don’t want them to. I wish I could stop it for once.”

The moment Peter starts sobbing, Tony pulls him in a hug.

“I-I’m sorry, Mr. Stark. I’m sorry I’m such a mess…”

“Shhh… I’m sorry I got angry with you, kid. I should’ve talked to you.”

“It’s not your fault…”

“It’s not your fault, kid. You deserve to be heard.”

Peter is shaking his head but he’s not protesting. His tensions slowly disappear as he returns the hug. He just sinks in it completely, like he’s been wanting a hug from Tony for years.

“You can tell me when you’re not feeling well. I promise I’ll listen and try to help you,” the man reassures him.

“I just don’t wanna lose you, Mr. Stark…”

“You won’t. I’ll be here for you, okay?”

Peter lets go of a breath he’s been holding back this whole time.

“Okay.”

Tony squeezes him a little tighter.

Eventually, they let go.

Peter’s face is tear-stained and red all over. He’s contemplating the envelope in his hands, not wanting to destroy it anymore.

“So… you mean you wrote more letters to me?” Tony asks.

“Oh, man… I wrote a lot. And they’re so embarrassing. If you already find my rambles annoying, they only get worse in the letters.”

“Well, I love your rambles, kid.”

Peter smiles shyly.

“I think I lost some with how often I moved,” he reflects. “But most of them are with me.”

“Hmm.”

Silence.

“... do you really want to read them?” Peter doubts.

“Only if you’re alright with it. I would love to know you better, but you don’t need to show them to me if you’re not comfortable.”

There’s a spark in Peter’s eyes, which must come from his child self, that actually really wants Tony to know what he has in mind. The kind of things he couldn’t translate into any other way.

“I could… um… send them to you at some point. There are a lot of letters. It’s okay if you can’t read all of them and like I said, they’re really cringy and dumb.”

“You’re not dumb.”

“Still, Mr. Stark.”

“That’s because you haven’t seen my letters. I’m actually bad at them.”

Peter rolls his eyes at his mentor, who takes them to Delmar’s. They get some sandwiches and chat for a bit. Then Tony points out Peter shouldn’t be on his own when he has suicidal or self-harming thoughts. Especially considering May hasn’t been home often due to her night shifts. Therefore, Tony offers Peter to stay with him for a while, so he has company and safety. There are also doctors that can help him if Peter needs them.

Tony admits he’s a little surprised that the boy accepts the offer. But of course, he’s relieved that Peter is accepting help.

His stay lasts a week or so. Peter slowly feels better again, so he goes back home, promising he’ll keep in touch.

Soon, Tony receives a huge box of letters.

Peter jokes with a sticky note, “Careful! Fragile”.

Tony will certainly read all of these.

Dear Peter,

Hey, buddy! I’m only a couple years late. Better now than never, right?

I’ve read nearly all of your letters and I will finish the remaining ones. I am definitely going to reply to every single one of them, just you wait. But I would like to tell you a few things first.

I want to thank you for all your letters and for sending them to me. I’m glad I could help you feel less lonely in a way. I know you don’t have it easy, kid.

I also wanted to remind you, it’s not your fault. You were struggling with so many things at once, especially with your powers. You always did the best you could, and you keep doing your best. You don’t know how proud I am of you.

Finally, thank you for being you. You are so talented, Peter. My greatest honor is getting to know you, including your sad parts. You can trust me with them. I hope I never make you doubt that again.

Many hugs,

Tony

P.S.: Do you still have that mini arc reactor you built? That would be the greatest birthday present ever.

P.S.2: Do you have your camera? I want to see your photos as well. Hell, when I thought you couldn’t be more talented…

#lotus speaks #irondad #fics #my fics #suicide mention tw #suicidal thoughts tw #self-harm mention tw #self harm mention tw #sh mention tw

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