#should have been written as a kdrama

[ohifonlyx33]

i just think kdrama watchers are probably best equipped to understand the type of character Malyen Oretsev was written to be in the books. send tweet

#malyen oretsev #mal oretsev #malina #should have been written as a kdrama #he is the BFF Male Lead who can't find the right way to declare to his BFF Female Lead while she's on her own journey of discovery #he finds out she's being manipulated by this jerk and gets jealous but knows he can't do anything to stop her #they have a little argument and she gets upset and he gets upset but they just need to take a little time to cool down #And then I can see it... the reconciliation is sweet and sincere... something that seems casual but is deeply meaningful to them #I can see it right now... a situation that could almost be read as romantic or played off as friendly... #we hear Alina voice her thoughts during the scene about how her heart flutters despite having no hope that Mal means to confess love #“It is moments like this that make me wonder what it would be like... but if all we are is friends i will be grateful just to know you” #CUT TO THE AFTER SCENE... Mal has spent three days planning this 30 second moment just to make Alina smile #his hands are shaking and his heart is beating fast and he's watching her intensely but SHE DOESN'T SEE. #and his internal monologue is like “should i tell her? but how? no.... it is impossible to find words to describe what the universe means” #“and i am but a speck in her universe” #and then we learn about their childhood friendship and the thread of destiny that bound them together #and i- AHHHH

[kdramaxoxo]

“Jo Bo Ah’s agency KeyEast has since confirmed that the actress’s upcoming appearance in the drama was unpaid—and that she agreed to do it for free out of loyalty and love.

“It’s true that Jo Bo Ah made a special appearance in ‘Tale of the Nine-Tailed 1938’ for no pay,” said KeyEast.“

I’m sorry but what now? 

She “did it out of loyalty and love?” Like, they wouldn’t also cut her a check for her time?? What is WITH this industry.

#tale of the nine tailed 1938 #kdrama #capitalism #exploitation #and she's FAMOUS #NO ONE should work for free #just because you love your job and are loyal #doesn't mean you don't have bills #or don't deserve to be compensated for your time #everyone ELSE on set got paid! #this article must have been written by AI #sigh

[rrxnjun]

potential • z. chenle

pairing. zhong chenle x fem! reader genre. rich kids au, childhood friends au, friends with benefits au. angst, fluff, suggestive. word count. 20k (20.079) warnings. alcohol consumption, swearing, mentions of sexual activity, sexual innuendos, a heavy make out session or two, use of lyrics from ariana grande and sarah close and masking them as my own words a/n. why do we call it a rich kid chenle au when he's a rich kid irl. anyways for the fact that this was one of the most spontaneous fics ive ever written it sure did take a lot of time to execute. took a lot of inspo for the lifestyle from the sky castle kdrama so if its not accurate dont @ me bc ive never been rich LMAO

playlist. in my head – ariana grande ; successful – ariana grande ; nonsense – sabrina carpenter ; supermodel – måneskin ; that's what i like – bruno mars

You saw his potential without seeing credentials. And maybe that's the issue.

August 28, 2020 – somewhere in the Bali sea, 1:27 AM

The music is loud. The weather is humid.

Wrapping up the summer before your senior year, dancing around in the bar of the cruise ship in the middle of the ocean, one last stop before your 28-day cruise around Southeast Asia is over, the loud music from the bar rings in your ears as you dance around, a glass of expensive Mendis coconut Brandy swirling in your hold. The taste of the alcohol on your tongue burns, not quite used to the burning sensation in your mouth– this is one of the first times you’re drinking, since your parents were always big on prestige and acting classy. Your parents went to sleep, though– excited to explore Benoa tomorrow, to immerse themselves in nature and explore Bali’s temples and heritage. You, on the other hand, took this as an opportunity to party– accompanied by none other than your parents’ friend’s son, who grew into the position of your childhood best friend solely because his and your family have always been close, choosing to spend vacations together; a relationship that was mostly fueled by the immediate closeness of you two during the summer breaks and ski trips to Swiss Alps every January.

And while you’re no stranger to pearls, charity events in your parents’ mansion in Hong Kong, golf courses in Miami and fashion shows in Milan, growing up in the world of designer bags and prestigious titles, you feel quite stranded in the middle of the sweaty teenagers, all of them with the same social status as you, drinking expensive alcohol and swinging your hips to the EDM music playing through the speakers. It almost feels like this is the first time you’re able to enjoy yourself without anyone’s supervision, screaming at the top of your lungs into Zhong Chenle’s face as he laughs at you on the dance floor, and truth be told, you could care less about the pictures you’re going to take for your Instagram tomorrow, showing everyone just how good you’re doing and how much fun you’re having on your lengthy cruises around the continent, because somehow, even though the bar is clothed in gold and you feel a bit like in The great Gatsby, this feels like the least pressuring part of the whole trip.

“We should go to parties more often!” you scream into Chenle’s ear, taking a sip of your Brandy as you twirl yourself around him, the straps of your sparkly spaghetti-strap tiny top falling off your shoulders in a moment of carelessness, your thoughts somewhere completely else. You may be 19 years old and insanely wealthy, but that still doesn’t mean you are experienced in the art of partying– quite the opposite, actually, having to always seem cultivated and presenting yourself in a way that would suggest that your family is high on prestige and recognition– so to finally be surrounded by people your age, dancing along to the music and jumping up as you all chant the lyrics to Barbie girl by Aqua (how ironic) feels quite ecstatic.

“Like our parents would let us,” Chenle rolls his eyes, lips almost pressed against the shell of your ear as he makes sure to get close enough for you to hear him.

Sighing at his argument– knowing he’s absolutely right, but also hating the fact that he had to ruin your mood by stating it out loud– you shake your head as you down the last bits of your drink, putting the heavy glass onto the tray of a waiter that’s passing by to gather the rest of the empty ones scattered across the shiny tables in the corner of the room. Your brain is starting to get a little fuzzy and you can’t help the giggling escaping out of your throat whenever your eyes meet Chenle’s, the flush on the boy’s cheeks hinting at the fact that he’s not any better at handling his alcohol than you, having just as much experience in heavy drinking and partying as you do. 

You’re only 19 years old and you don’t know a lot about the world. After all, you were brought up in a family that always did everything for you– you never had to move a single finger. You never even had to clean your room, because your parents had people that would come by every morning while you were in school, just so you could arrive home to a tidy place when you were done with your lectures. You went to a private school, so you were always surrounded by people with a status similar to yours. You spoke about your tutoring classes that cost more than groceries for a middle-class family a week, you talked about your trips abroad, and if you had time, you even went shopping with your classmates after school before your driver picked you up and drove you back into the suburbs; your neighborhood guarded by a gate, the asphalt behind it so much smoother than it is in the rest of the town.

You never got to experience partying like this– only gaping with an open mouth when you saw those scenes in the movies you watched on Netflix in your own private movie room. And if you’re being totally honest, you never imagined enjoying such a thing. You never had the experience, so you didn’t really yearn for it, but now that you’re here, surrounded by loud music, experiencing the weird emotional feeling that comes with being in a crowd screaming in joy at the same time first-hand on your own skin, you don’t think you’ll be able to go back to how you were before.

This is not how rich kids party. At least not when their parents are around.

“You’re gonna be hungover tomorrow morning,” Chenle mutters into your ear when your eyes light up at the sight of more alcohol, contemplating on getting another drink, just because. 

“And you’re not?” you tease him, pointing to his glossy eyes and lazy walk, his legs tangling with each other every few seconds from the haze he’s been put in just by having a few drinks. The sight is quite funny– the ever-so composed millionaire son is now a troubled mess in your eyes; one wrong step and he could ruin the image his family has spent years to build up, but it doesn’t seem like either of you care, tripping over your feet and lounging at each other in the middle of the dance floor. 

Feeling like you’re playing a dangerous game, hanging off his neck and swaying your hips to the rhythmic beat, you gape into his blown-out eyes and desperately try to get your brain straight. The more you drank and the more you spent time in Chenle’s close proximity, the less you were able to control your emotions and the weird thoughts in your brain that have been slowly eating up all your notions for quite some time now. Gaping at his plump lips and feeling his palms burning at your hips, his fingers ever-so-slightly hovering above the curve of your ass, you’re finding it hard to concentrate on the music or on the words spilling off his tongue, his voice never shutting up even in the loud bar. You always told him he talks too much, but he doesn’t seem to mind– he seems to actually take much pride in his annoying tendencies, talking your ear off on multiple occasions even when you tell him he should probably stay quiet for at least a minute, so your brain could recharge.

Truth be told, you listen to him most of the time anyway. He always talks and you always listen, rolling your eyes at the snarky parts and giggling at the jokes; so the fact that you suddenly can’t focus and just desperately want him to shut the fuck up must be the effect of all the alcohol you’ve been drinking tonight. 

And your next step might as well be the main consequence of the coconut Brandy as well– because even though you’ve been dreaming of his plump lips on yours for quite some time now, you’ve never actually dared to act up on the desire. But your intention to make him go quiet seems to be working when the train of words stammering out of his mouth is cut off, a surprised noise trailing out of his throat when you kiss him on the dance floor; and to your surprise, he doesn’t seem to mind your weird sign of protest to his endless talking– quite the opposite, really, as he lets you take the lead and taste the mix of alcohol in the Long Island cocktails he’s been drinking the whole night off his tongue, your hands mindlessly trailing up to thread themselves into his hair. 

This is not your first time kissing a boy– you once pecked Song Eunseok on the lips when the two of you sneaked out of class one day in 9th grade– but you never once kissed anyone with such passion and desire before. You’re not sure where you got all the courage from and you’re also not sure where you learned all of this– but it must be working, with how heavily Chenle’s breathing when you finally let go of his lips and he rests his forehead against yours. In no time, he’s chasing you down again, drunk not only on the alcohol now as he tilts his head to get closer, one hand resting on the side of your neck, just a few inches below your jaw, keeping you in place. 

“You should learn how to shut up,” you mumble against his lips, breathing heavy as you break away from him again and open your eyes to meet your gaze with his. The music is still loud in your ears, but you swear you hear a static noise somewhere in your brain, a tingle in your fingertips making you feel like you’re about to have an out-of-body experience. Your drunken brain is not allowing you to ponder about your actions that much, not letting you think and contemplate the fact that you just made out with your childhood best friend on one of the most expensive cruise ships, drinking alcohol you weren’t supposed to spend so much money on, and maybe that’s a good thing– because there’s nothing stopping you in having the time of your life, no overthinking making you doubt your next steps and no feeling of shame or regret making the whole experience bitter as you dance pressed against your companion, letting him press short, yet daring kisses to your lips as time passes.

“I think I’m good,” he snickers, when the music suddenly cuts out, an announcer telling you that the bar closes at 2 AM and that this song is the last for the night.

Sighing in disappointment– because who even knows when the next time you’ll have this opportunity will come– you let Chenle lead you out of the bar, his hand glued around your exposed waist. Your walk is a little loop-sided and you two almost smash into the glass door (doesn’t matter that it’s automatic and it quite literally opened in front of your figures). Soon enough, you’re met with the golden interior of the cruise walls again, the design a little vintage, yet still luxurious, reminding you of the movie Titanic. Tripping over the doorsteps, hands getting caught on the red, velvety curtains hung around, you giggle at every word that comes out of Chenle’s mouth, bodies slowly, but surely getting closer and closer to your suite bedrooms. You’re quite sure your parents could hear you talking outside in the hall, but you choose to not ponder on what they would think of you if they saw you in this state too much, instead making yourself believe that they’re long asleep and won’t be woken up by your voices resonating through the quiet space. 

“So I guess this is where we say goodnight?” you mumble, hanging off Chenle’s neck. His breath smells of the vodka-tequila mix when he hovers over you, bodies off-balance pressed against the cold wall just outside of your bedroom. Flashing you a grin, face looking close to a cheshire cat, he nudges your nose with his, a quiet hum landing to your ear, not heard by anyone.

“Or we could stay up a little longer.”

Squirming under his touch, his lips softly, yet still a little uncoordinatedly landing on yours, you waste no time in unlocking the door to your room– even though you have a bit of trouble with finding the key in your small purse, even surprised you haven’t lost the bag somewhere in the middle of the night– letting your childhood friend in to your space at the suggestion, your clothed bodies falling to the soft cushions of the water bed. 

You’re only 19 and don’t know much about the world when you messily undress yourself under your friend’s eyes, blinded by the glints in his deep chocolate orbs when he looks at you from above and attacks your neck with kisses. And you usually don’t regret much, considering yourself a responsible individual, always rethinking everything and making sure it’s the right choice, but when you look back at this day now, you don’t really know if sleeping with Zhong Chenle on a cruise around Southeast Asia was the brightest idea of yours, considering the mental turmoil it’s gonna cause you on the way.

Well, at least you can say you lost your virginity somewhere in the middle of the Bali sea, and at least that’s something to boost your ego with, am I right…? 

July 12, 2007 – Tokyo DisneySea, 2:21 PM

If anyone asked you for your favorite childhood memory, you wouldn’t have a hard time picking one. Sure, one would think you have too many pleasant memories to choose from, so realistically, you should take more time to pick and weigh the value of each one, contemplating if the trip to Rome was a happier memory than the summer you spent in Los Angeles when you were 10, but you are 100%, completely in tune with the fact that if anyone ever asked you this very question, the words falling off their tongue with interest and enthusiasm, no judgment and no hidden intentions behind their question, you’d have an answer ready with a smile on your face.

You don’t hold much emotion to your past memories. You’ve been on more vacations than you can both count and remember growing up, and so even though you do think the pictures you took in Italy came out good and your skin glistens prettily in the warm sun, even though you do think you experienced a lot of fun while going to the Target for the first time with your nanny– the woman your mum hired just because your parents were too busy with their business meetings the whole time you walked the streets of Los Angeles with the new woman you were supposed to trust with your life at the ripe age of 10– you wouldn’t say any of those memories are as close to your heart as the trip you took to Japan with the Zhong family when you were 6, the summer before attending first grade.

This was the year you and Chenle watched the Pirates of the Caribbean together for the first time, and even though it wasn’t in the initial plan, you two spent hours and hours and hours  of the flight persuading your parents to take you to Tokyo Disneyland, because you heard from his cousin Yizhuo that you could meet Jack Sparrow if you went. While your plan didn’t exactly work and the two of you didn’t get to go to the large theme park– because your parents were busy, mostly traveling because of business and so they didn’t have the time to arrange it, the amount of sulking you two did when you arrived to the rented house in the expensive part of Tokyo to the teenager that was supposed to watch you two for the time being was enough for him to take you two on a short train ride to the twin of the famous theme park– the Tokyo DisneySea. 

The 15-minute train ride you three took to the theme park was your first, and also last time you ever rode such a mean of transport. All you were used to were expensive sports cars and limousines– you never imagined that people took such transport even every single day, at times. You and Chenle were so immersed in the journey that it was hard for your babysitter to get you out of the train, your small, excited bodies almost tripping over your own little feet as the raven-haired boy dragged you through the streets of Maihama station. 

You could see the towers of the park and you could smell the salt from the sea even from a distance. The whole atmosphere felt magical, giggles often erupting out of your throat as Yuta– the boy your parents hired to watch over you for the day– bought a bubble blower from one of the stands and blew out bubbles you two chased around and tried to pop before they got to the ground. There were no expensive cars in sight, no people dressed in suits and designer shoes– well, except from the two of you, but you couldn’t quite grasp the idea of how much your attire cost at that age yet– and you felt truly, insanely happy. The adults that always watched you when your parents went to business meetings were stern and serious, never letting you have much fun, but today was different, and you find yourself wondering why your parents even let you be babysat by a reckless teenager in the first place. He was 16 at the time– 10 years older than the both of you– and when you look back at the day now, you think it was the time pressure that brought your parents into hiring him. You bet they paid him a lot of money, hell, you bet they even lended him a credit card he could use to entertain you two for the whole afternoon, and even though you found him using it a few times, you didn’t think he spent just as much as all your previous babysitters did. 

Not that you knew the value of money back then, after all. Maybe the fact that you couldn’t tell how much money everything was worth back then is what truly made the whole day so carefree and happy for you.

You were children of wealthy Chinese business owners. You always had everything they saw in your eyes– you didn’t even have to say it out loud and it was held up to you on a silver platter. This day, though, you didn’t even have to use that much money– if you truly compare it to other vacations your families have been to– and you can’t help but think it’s ironic how despite this fact, this day is still your favorite childhood memory. 

The Tokyo DisneySea was catered to a more mature audience– even serving alcohol in the premises, a thing no other Disneyland does– but even though you were just 6 and couldn’t drink and there was no Jack Sparrow waiting for you in the streets of the theme park, you and Chenle had a blast. Maybe it was a good decision on Yuta’s part to take you to the DisneySea instead; it catered to your Pirates of the Caribbean needs perfectly despite it not being the initial theme. The ships and wooden coasts and harbors were enough for your imagination to create stories about pirates in your head, the three of you attending various rides and screaming at the top of your lungs together over the course of the afternoon.

“Wanna go to the Tower of Terror?” Yuta asked you, his toothy grin on full display as he dragged you two to the scary ride when you finally got to the American Waterfront. 

The teenager was wearing a black muscle top with L’arc en ciel written on it– you found out only a few years later that it was a japanese rock band– and with his long, black hair falling to his forehead, he looked just like the person that would enjoy scary rides and horror movies. You, however– you weren’t prepared to get scared by green ghosts and eerie music. Not at 6 years old anyways, although you doubt you’d do better on this day.

If there’s one thing you need to know about Zhong Chenle, it’s the fact that he’s a lover of horror. And Korean dramas. But mostly horror– a few years later, when you were both the age Nakamoto Yuta was when he brought you to the Tokyo DisneySea, your friend came to a Halloween party dressed like the clown from IT and managed to jump-scare you every moment he physically got. There was no surprise in the small boy liking the idea of attending the scary ride, and no matter how hard you tried and protested, there was no use in you saying no. Because the two of them wanted to go, and you, quoting Yuta, ‘couldn’t just stay alone outside’, so you were pretty much forced into the darkness of the Tower of Terror, your small body pressed against Chenle and Yuta’s– you refused to sit anywhere but sandwiched between the two in the middle of the cart– shutting your eyes close when the scary music started playing and you could feel the anxiety forming in the pit of your stomach.

You trembled the whole time, panic resting in your beating heart, and somewhere along the way, you found yourself clinging to Chenle’s small hand, squishing it so hard he screamed at you in the dim lightning of the ride. You didn’t let go, though– that’s what he gets for dragging you along– fracturing his bones wasn’t in your concerns, if it made you feel more secure and safe.

The fond memory of the day ends with the moment the scary ride is over and you finally get out of the darkness– with Yuta having to carry your out of terror half-paralyzed body from the cart. To this day, you still don’t have a clear outlook on why this day is your favorite childhood memory, but you think it might be the mix of Chenle’s excited laughter as he scared you every two seconds after the ride, the apologetic hug he enveloped you in after you almost burst to tears the third time, the taste of the sausage Yuta bought you two for dinner, the taxi ride to the rented house you had to take in a rush before your parents got back from their business meeting, and the melodic voice of your best friend when he sang you the opening theme to the Pirates of the Caribbean before you two fell asleep on the same bed in your hotel room.

Either way, despite the terror, you don’t think you’ve ever had this much fun ever again. 

When you peed the bed that night, your parents decided to never hire a teenager to look after the two of you again. From that moment alone, there was less horror, but also less fun.

May 5, 2019 – tennis courts in Jinqiao, Shanghai, 4:17 PM

One would think that growing up with Zhong Chenle would put him into a position of your almost-brother. And while you did agree with the statement on most days– like when he laughed so hard that snot came out of his nose and almost fell into your lunch plate when you were 15, or when he shot you with his paintball gun so hard you had a bruise on your knee for three weeks when you were 17– you think you’re starting to slowly outgrow this phase. 

Zhong Chenle is no longer a brotherly figure to you when you two pick up tennis at the ripe age of 18. 

It wasn’t either of your ideas, of course. Tennis is not a sport a teenager just suddenly picks up one day because they’re interested– at least not when you’re incredibly wealthy and can pretty much afford any other hobby in the entire world. No, it was the idea of Chenle’s mother– because, quoting, ‘the kids barely go out these days, they might as well pick up a sport!’ – and with the copycat tendencies of your dear mum, you were dragged along into it as well. And so now, during the finals season, on top of that, you two have to go play tennis on one of the private tennis courts your families rent for three hours a day every Friday afternoon instead of studying or focusing on getting your stress out of your body doing other, much more enjoyable things.

“You know, you look a little too excited for someone who hates playing tennis,” Renjun– the neighborhood kid (your parents being business partners for quite some time now made you and the short boy become friends somewhere along the way)– states, snickering as he lays on one of the benches on the side, his own tennis racket thrown carelessly on the ground as he watches the two of you running around the court, playing.

“I only do it because I’m bored,” Chenle mutters under his nose, sending the little yellow ball over the net with much force, making you run to the other side of the court. 

“And I only do it because I need to prove to him that he’s not the best at everything he tries,” you add, sending the ball back to your friend. 

“Just say you want to impress him and go,” Yizhuo– Chenle’s cousin from his mother’s side– teases you from the bench, sitting next to Renjun. Her remark doesn’t go unnoticed by you as you send the yellow ball her way after her cousin passes it towards your side of the court again, aiming precisely for her forehead but missing, earning yourself a terrified yelp out of the girl when she scootches closer to the boy next to her.

“That’s totally not what’s going on, but sure,” you roll your eyes at her when she throws the ball back, but you don’t feel interested in continuing the game anymore. Tiredly walking closer to the two sitting at the little shaded bench, wiping the sweat off your forehead, you try hard to not think of the snarky remark that was sent your way. 

Is it really that obvious? Because sure, you’ve always found Zhong Chenle to be your brother figure over the years of growing up– but there’s something about the humid air of the tennis court and his competitiveness that have you eyeing him when he takes a sip from his water bottle or when he adjusts the hairband sitting on his damp forehead. He wears shorts that reveal his calves very nicely, and when you play 2 on 2, you find yourself focusing less and less on the game– earning yourself a frustrated yell from Ning Yizhuo herself as she plays along your side– and more and more on the Gucci tennis shoes adorning his feet as you scan the boy up and down, his figure growing taller and taller each passing day captivating you in a sense you’ve never quite experienced before.

“I can’t believe my mum dragged you all into this shit,” Chenle giggles when he sits next to Renjun on the bench, following you to the shade. There’s only 20 minutes left in the time your parents rented the court for and you figure that you can spend that time recharging your energy instead of playing the boring game. 

“Not me,” Yizhuo says, “she made my mother feel bad about not signing me up for any sports. You know, your mum’s pretty persuasive, especially when it comes to looking good in front of everyone. If it wasn’t for my mum, I wouldn’t be doing this shit,” she complains, shrugging as she adjusts her ponytail that’s always sitting neatly on the crown of her head.

“I love the fact that Renjun here is the least athletic out of all of us, but he is the only one here willingly,” you snicker, earning yourself a chant of amused laughs at the spoken truth. Now, nobody forced Huang Renjun to come play tennis with you every Friday– but the fact that he doesn’t have many friends in the neighborhood was what made him come along, too bored on his own and with nothing to put his attention to. He doesn’t like playing much, but everything’s better than sitting alone at home, am I right?

The three of you gossip about everything and nothing– the new family in the neighborhood, especially, because Renjun saw their son last Sunday and found his outfit absolutely atrocious (“You’d think people with money would at least know how to dress well, but no. That’s not the case with that Wen Junhui guy.”). The time passes by quickly, and when the timer on Chenle’s phone goes off, signaling that the three mandatory hours at the tennis court are finally over, you all stand up and walk over to the gate, shoes dragging along the sandy surface of the ground with much tiredness. At least you’re getting some cardio in…

“Is your driver coming to pick you up?” Chenle asks as you pay goodbye to your friends, both of them getting into expensive cars waiting for them at the parking lot. Turning to him, you hum in agreement, suddenly shy under his gaze. It’s not even summer yet, but the May sun is already harsh on the skin, getting redness to spread along his cheeks, only further sculpting his handsome bone structure you’ve grown so familiar with over the years. 

“What about you?” 

“Told my mum I’ll walk home instead. It’s not like it’s only a 20 minute walk anyway,” he mutters, rolling his eyes at the irony of you having to drive home despite living only a few meters away from him, in the same wealthy neighborhood. You grew up together, in the same mowed lawns, in the same green labyrinths of your families’ villas, in the same high ceilings and golden accents on the interior of your houses. After watching him from the corner of your eye, you start to wonder about what changed between the two of you that made you so weak to him now, that you’re both 18. Did he change? Was it the fact that you were now both adults? You don’t think that’s the case– because even though you were 18, there were no more responsibilities waiting for you than they were the years before. 

“My driver can take you,” you say, kicking the rocks below your feet, “well, unless you want to walk home alone instead,” you add, noting his previous sentence.

You see him take a sip out of his water bottle, shrugging at your suggestion. Chenle’s not a fan of inefficiency, no matter the fact that you can afford anything you could ever want. It’s a quality of him you find quite strange some days, but you don’t ponder on it too much. 

You’ve known each other since you were in diapers. And after replaying all the memories you have with the boy in your head, you think that your 18 year old self isn’t so stupid for falling for him. See– you’ve got to know a lot of men over the course of your life. Many tried to get with you barely before you even grew into an adult, seeing the vision of money and the social status you could give them. Some, on the other hand, never gave you back the attention you were giving them. All relationships you had in your life were blinded by the imaginary price tag you always carried around with yourself, and so everything always stayed surface-level and plain. No wonder you fell for Chenle– no matter how long it took you to get to this part of your friendship– he’s the only one that ever showed you his true self, he’s the only one that ever trusted you enough to go deeper in conversations with you and treated you like a real human being. You know him well and he knows you well; he’s like a book you always find yourself rereading, excited to find that your favorite characters always stayed the same. At the end of the day, you think you were always meant to fall for Chenle.

Standing under the blazing sun, you wait for your driver to get to the tennis courts. You wait for 10 minutes, then 15– and when you get a little too overheated, Chenle offers you his water bottle and mumbles something about being on time. When the time passes 45 minutes after your driver’s supposed arrival, your friend turns to you with a glint in his eye, a grin sitting on his annoyingly handsome face.

“Wanna walk home with me instead?”

And the truth is, you don’t find yourself disagreeing. And you also don’t find yourself hating the walk up the hills of the neighborhood– no matter how tiring it was to your already exhausted limbs– and you don’t find yourself complaining about the lack of AC or the vehicle driving your ass home to your, admittedly, too big of a house. Chenle entertains you with his talks– because he always talks too much for his own good– and when you stop paying attention to him and lose track of where you’re going, he drags you back to the sidewalk by your hand and your fingers stay interlocked when he teases you about the fact that you almost got ran over by a white Cadillac. 

“Listen, there’s this song I think you’ll like,” he hums when you’re 5 minutes away from your house, pulling out his phone out of his back pocket and opening up the Spotify app. He plays you a song by Ariana Grande, singing along to the lyrics of the chorus. His voice goes thin when he tries to mimic the singer’s voice, dragging along the english sentences of ‘it feels so good to be this young and have this fun and be successful, i’m so successful!’, irony seeping from his tone. Your hands are still intertwined as he swings them back and forth and you don’t even really care about the subtle implication of the lyrics he’s singing– because it’s Chenle, and despite being just as wealthy as you, he’s no stranger to calling you a snob. 

When you’re 18 and walking back from your weekly tennis endeavors, you can’t help but feel the fluttering in your heart when your friend twirls you around in your driveway, your white tennis skirt childishly fulfilling your unsaid dreams of becoming a ballerina, before he walks to his house standing on the opposite side of the road. 

You don’t even care that your poor driver got fired by your mother right after she realized he forgot to pick you up from the tennis court as much.

October 17, 2020 – a charity evening, Shanghai, 9:11 PM

Your whole life so far has been guided in the aura of money. When you were little, you didn’t realize it as much– your young, undeveloped brain couldn’t phantom the fact that your annual trips to Italy and summer vacations at yachts and in the Paris DisneyLand weren’t a normal occurrence to everyone. You couldn’t understand the value of money, and you think that maybe, you never truly will. Because you were born fortunate, never having to worry about a single thing, always living in wealth and with gold around your neck. 

The closest you are to understanding just how much money your family truly has is at the charity evenings you are forced to attend. Walking around, mostly bored– because truly, you didn’t have much of an idea just how much money you’re sending to the unfortunate parts of Africa and what the whole thing even has to do with you, when the money wasn’t really yours in the first place– you try to at least look through the flier your family made for the event, reading through the carefully crafted sentences, feeling at least a little sorry for everyone that doesn’t get to live the way you do.

“Isn’t it funny how this is the only way our families can present themselves in a good light?” Chenle mumbles when he reads over your shoulder, a dry chuckle leaving his lips.

Turning around to look at your companion, you furrow your brows at his snarky comment. “What do you mean?”

“Well, we give to charity so people don’t hate us as much,” Chenle shrugs, taking a sip from the champagne poured in a tall glass you’re pretty sure your mother spent hours and hours picking out when renting this place, just so everything could be perfect. 

“It’s just jealousy,” you say as you walk side-by-side with the boy, the expensive fabric of his white button-down hugging his body in all the right places, leaving you light-headed when you let yourself indulge in your thoughts for too long and stare at the curves of his forearms. It’s been a few months since you slept with your childhood friend– and while you must admit that you regretted it a little when you woke up in the morning, with a hangover and sore limbs, you also didn’t regret it as much as to turn the offer down when it was next brought to you. And the next time, and the next… 

“You think?” Chenle asks, and his interest in your answer seems genuine.

“Yeah,” you nod, shrugging to yourself, “we have more money than any of them ever will, so it’s only natural for people to feel jealous and talk spiteful things about us.”

Chenle hums at your answer, licking his lips before he looks you dead in the eye, the smallest glint of irony shining from behind the dark orbs, making you shrink under his gaze. “It’s not like it’s hard work anyway,” Chenle mutters, “if it wasn’t all stolen money, at least the charity work wouldn’t feel as fake.”

You stop in your tracks at the comment, furrowing your brows. “Stolen money?”

The boy next to you snickers at your clueless eyes. It’s no wonder you never really cared about the source of your family’s wealth– you were born to it, so you never had a reason to doubt it. And truth be told, you never really complained either. You don’t think anyone in your place would, really. You just accepted it the way it is, and you never asked any questions. For all you know, your parents are hard working business owners– you bet their money is well deserved for the amount of effort they put in– so to hear that it’s stolen money, from someone who is in a similar position as you, on top of that, you can’t believe your ears.

“I mean, they’re business owners. Let’s not act like both yours and my parents don’t meddle with the taxes at least a bit, sweetheart,” he chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief, “if I were all those people outside of it, I’d hate myself too.”

His words do little to comfort you. They do quite the opposite, really, and even though Zhong Chenle has no proof to show you of the fact that your parents might have at least a bit of dirty money on their hands, you can’t say you don’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth. You start to wonder if you’re that gullible– and who is the one lying straight to your eyes now, if it’s your friend or your parents– and you start to believe that you’d trust everything Chenle tells you, because that’s just the relationship you have with him. He could do anything and you’d follow him to the end of the world. It takes years to build that bond, and so even know, although you have the urge to scream at him for talking such things about the ones that brought you to this world– this perfect, shiny world– you find yourself holding back, the bubble around you bursting in a second, although you spent 19 years of your life living in the fake glory and bejeweled experience. Opening your mouth to ask him more about the matter– to get yourself out of the confusion you’ve been put in with just a few sentences uttered out of his always too-honest mouth, you turn to the boy when a man with a camera approaches the two of you, asking to take a picture of you.

And you comply, because what else are you supposed to do? This is how you’ve been raised. You smile for the pictures, you grin when you find yourself in the magazines, you nod when people recognise your name, you greet people with a polite nod, because you never know when someone wants to make business with your parents and you wouldn’t want to ruin good opportunities for them, would you?

With Chenle’s arm around your waist, your body instinctively leaning into his touch, you smile for yet another picture for the portfolio. Sometimes you feel like a princess– with everything it takes; both the royal responsibilities and the special treatment. More often than not, you find yourself enjoying the spotlight.

“Now they have proof that we were here,” Chenle mumbles into your ear, his lips gently brushing the smooth skin, “wanna get out of here? This party doesn’t look as enjoyable as the last one we went to,” the boy references the time you spent together at the cruise ship, with both the screaming on the dancefloor, and also the aftermath in your room, making heat puddle in your cheeks as you swat his hand away before it gets too low on your back in front of everyone in the room.

“I have to give a speech, but… maybe later?” you look at him, innocently batting your eyelashes at him, when the boy shrugs and takes a step back, downing the last drops of champagne from the expensive looking glass.

“I’ll be waiting back home,” Chenle says, “I bet our parents will stay until this all ends, so we have plenty of time for ourselves when you decide you’re tired of the gala.”

He disappears out of your sight the moment after, putting the empty glass onto a tray of one of the waiters carefully walking across the room, his back escaping out the front door. If you squint hard enough through the glass, you could see him getting into one of the sports cars he got from his parents for his 18th birthday– the vehicle driving off in the hands of his driver for the night, since he just had a glass of alcohol– and leaving you alone in the world of faux and feathers, fulfilling the responsibilities given to you by your mother. And for the first time– not only because you hate giving public speeches– you so desperately want to follow him, getting out before midnight like Cinderella, never attending another one of these evenings ever again. 

You don’t, though. You’re an obedient daughter.

And when you call him up from the entryway a few minutes after midnight, his rough hands welcoming you to his bedroom by undressing the thousand-dollar Tiffany dress you wore to the event– being the aftermath of his previous words or not, you start to think how ironic it is that your attire for the evening cost more than than the monthly rent of the people you were giving to in your speech. 

After a while, your words turn bitter.

March 23, 2020 – South Cape Owners Club, Namhae-gun, Gyeongsangnam-do, South Korea, 1:17 PM

“Did you really have to choose the most boring thing to do for your birthday?” Chenle mutters under his nose when all of your parents stride forward to get another hole in one, beads of sweat appearing on your foreheads as you stand directly under the midday sun. 

“This wasn’t my idea, okay?” Renjun huffs, carrying his golf equipment with him, the silly-looking golf gloves tugged right off his hands when his parents are no longer in sight. “All I wanted was to visit my grandma, but they decided we needed to do something special for my birthday, and when I couldn’t tell them anything I’d like to do, they dragged everyone to play golf.”

“I was thinking more like… clubbing and then crashing at your grandma’s place overnight, but okay…” Yizhuo snickers, watching as all of your parents joyfully talk between themselves, their conversation rarely leaving business matters as they play golf with as much enthusiasm as one can have while focusing on this boring sport. You don’t really know who made this game and why they made it– you can imagine seventy thousand different ways you’d love to spend your afternoon doing instead, more than a half of them supposedly more mundane than the sport itself; but you still know you’d enjoy even sitting down and getting ice cream better than having to pretend you’re interested in, what Chenle called, rich-people-only sport. 

“Maybe I can sneak a bottle up into my room later, but I’m not promising anything,” Renjun shrugs, sighing to himself as he takes out his phone from his back pocket and shakes his head at the sight of the time appearing on his screen. You’ve been at the golf course since 10 AM, and with how interested in the game your parents seem to be, you’re not leaving any time soon either.

Not really engaged in the conversation– because Chenle once told you you complain too much (you truly thought he was the one doing so, but you believe pretty much everything that comes out of the man’s mouth, because he’s mostly right about things) and you think you’ve done your fair share of complaining on your way to the golf course in the first place– you look around, trying to find a thing that could occupy your attention instead. Finding anything fun to do while playing golf may just be the hardest thing to do, but when you notice your companion Chenle missing and his figure appears striding towards your small group in a golf cart, the vehicle going full speed (even the barely 40 km/h looks like it could kill when he seems to not give a single damn about running you over), and suddenly, your mind is occupied enough.

Screeching when the golf cart barely misses your figure, you jump to the side and watch Chenle laugh from the driver’s seat. His malicious instincts barely ever leave his body and the operation of a golf cart is seemingly bringing out the worst in him– thank god he barely drives anymore– and you can’t help but laugh at his little stunt when the cart comes to a sharp halt and he waves you three over with a motion of his hand.

“Hop on, motherfuckers, we have places to be!” he says, all of you following his footsteps and jumping into the small vehicle– you in the passenger seat, next to Chenle, and Renjun and Yizhuo taking the two seats on the back. Once you’re all in, the engine grunts with the speed Chenle’s intending to get to in the weak thing, the atmosphere shifts into one with much more fun and adrenaline– because you know you’re not supposed to ride the carts (not this fast anyway) and when your parents find out, you’re gonna get in a lot of trouble. No, you’re not going to get grounded– you’re not a kid anymore– but the silent treatment and nagging from them about being well-raised and respectable members of society is enough to leave you scared of their anger for the rest of your lives.

“Slow down, I’m gonna fall out!” you scream when Chenle takes a sharp turn, the golf cart almost toppling over on the green grass. 

“I got you, don’t worry,” he notes, one of his hands loosely falling to your thigh to keep you in place, your skin heating up even more from his touch now, enjoying the hold but also fearing the eyes of your friends from the backseat. Your earlier terror is quickly erased with another sharp turn the driver takes– having much more things to worry about now, surviving being one of them– and when he zooms past the group of middle-aged people standing a few meters ahead of you, you already know you’re in big trouble.

Now you’re gonna get scolded for abducting a golf cart. When it wasn’t even your idea in the first place.

Well, that’s something to worry about later.

Chenle drives with the cart all over the golf course, the vehicle providing you enough entertainment for the next few minutes until you get tired of the ride. Looking over at him on your side, gaping a little at the view of your childhood friend driving the cart with only one hand, the other one still securely glazing your thigh, you almost choke out with how attractive the strange sight is to your eyes. Forcing yourself to focus on the road– and thank god, because if you didn’t hold to the side of the cart now, you’d surely fall out despite Chenle’s reassuring words and his hold on your leg– when the man cuts through a small hill in the golf course, the vehicle jumping up and falling back down making you scream in terror mixed with just a bit of excitement.

“Fucking hell, at least warn us before!” Renjun screams from the back, followed by Yizhuo’s amused laughter. You can only imagine Renjun’s almost fallen out, and even though the mental image looks hilarious, you really don’t need him to get hurt today, because he wouldn’t shut up about it for the next 8 working days. And it’s his birthday, after all– you wouldn’t wanna ruin it by having too much fun.

And so, with a last giggle escaping the boy’s throat, Chenle brings the golf cart to a halt, the vehicle stopping far enough from your parents to not get scolded immediately for making so much ruckus at the golf cart, the four of you enjoying the silence, still recovering from the wild ride. Smiling fondly to yourself and gaping at the boy next to you again, you suddenly grow appreciative of him. If it wasn’t for his wild nature, you would still be sulking somewhere on the golf course, pretending to enjoy living your snobby life alongside your parents. You bet even Renjun himself will find this moment captured in his brain as a core birthday memory, and the more you stare at Chenle’s side profile, the more you want to hold his face in your hands and thank him.

“Ew,” you hear Yizhuo’s voice from behind you, bringing you out of your thoughts. Looking back to see what she’s referring to, you watch her gaze landing on Chenle’s hand playing with the flesh on your thigh, heat suddenly rising to your cheeks in being caught in the exact position you feared a little while ago. 

“What–” Chenle snaps his head back at his cousin, while you quickly shrug his palm off your skin, but it’s too late now– you’ve been caught in the act and now you can’t do anything to erase Ning Yizhuo’s memory.

“You know, I thought you two were cousins at first. Like, from your dad’s side, I mean,” Yizhuo sighs, shaking her head in disbelief at the two of you, her comment not doing much to ease the situation either. Chenle seems to be confused at her words, his face scrunching up as he glares at the girl.

“We’re not,” you note, clearing your throat and looking at her with a glare, mentally praying for her to drop the topic.

“Yeah, thank god,” Chenle adds, and you should’ve expected him to make the situation even worse– it’s Zhong Chenle, after all– but his next words shock you and leave you gasping, mentally killing him right here and in this moment, “that would make a lot of things weird.”

“Ew,” Yizhuo repeats, and suddenly, that perks up Renjun’s attention– the boy previously facing the other side of the golf course and not paying you three much care– as he looks around and watches you with confusion in his features.

“What are you talking about?”

“That they are–” the girl takes it upon herself to explain her findings, but she’s quickly cut off by a sound of a middle-aged woman screaming through the place, her small figure striding towards the golf cart.

“Zhong Chenle, what do you think you’re doing?!”

And with that scolding tone, the previous topic is dropped. Thank god.

June 12, 2020 – Zhong Chenle’s room, Shanghai, 11:21 PM

A hand stroking through his hair, smoothing back the bangs and revealing his forehead in the dim blue of the neon light in his room, you lay on your side next to your friend Chenle, a blanket carelessly thrown over your half-naked middles to shield you from the breeze. You hum a song under your breath as you play with his locks, the black disappearing between your fingers like sand, eyes carefully watching his tired expression. 

If you thought hard enough, you could see the little boy you first met at your parent’s conference room when you were 3 materialize in front of your eyes. His cheeks were chubby and he was short, waddling behind you almost a head less than your size, and his voice was thin as he asked you for your name. From that moment on, you knew you were supposed to stick together– and while your parents were the first relative to bring you two together, you didn’t mind always being glued to each other’s hips. 

When you look closer at him now, it’s hard to see that boy in him. Harder than you expected, if you’re being totally honest. Don’t get me wrong, you can still see in his features– even though his cheekbones are more prominent now and his jaw is more chiseled, lips plumper and his figure built more firmly than when he was a little boy– but there’s something about his demeanor that completely changed over time. He seems less enthusiastic, and while one would think that it’s just him growing into being a more laid-back and relaxed person– he’s not a kid anymore, after all– you think there’s something more to it, you just can’t quite put your finger to it. 

Seeing him close his eyes every once in a while, lids falling under the weight of his tiredness and the comfort your gentle strokes through his scalp give him, you feel your heart clench with all the care you’re currently putting into the boy, and all that you’ve been putting into him throughout your growing up. After so many years– after getting so close and intimate with him– you don’t think you’d be able to let the boy go, and just the sheer image of ever losing him or leaving him behind leaves you trembling with anxiety. 

And so, despite being afraid of ruining the calm atmosphere that comes after making love to him, you speak up with a weak voice, contrasting to what you’re logically supposed to feel after getting to know the news this morning– just because you have to know. 

“Lele?” you mumble, hearing him let out a hum, his voice sounding as if he’s half-asleep, but you know he’s listening to you. “What are your plans… after you graduate?” you ask. The day of graduation is coming faster and faster towards you, the years you’ve spent at high school finally fulfilled after all the effort you put in on your finals.

“Dunno,” he replies, eyes barely opened as his arm that’s been previously laid on the mattress in between your two bodies moves to your hip, fingers drumming over the soft skin, “why?”

“Just wondering…” you speak, voice barely louder than a whisper. The boy stays silent– his eyes once again closing on themselves as you continue to play with his hair. One would think he’s fallen asleep, not awake enough to have this conversation, and you would even believe the fact and let the conversation go, thinking you’d find another time to dwell on this topic, but then, as a surprise, his voice startles you from your deep thoughts when he curiously inquires you, the hand on your hip steadying.

“What about you?”

Taking a deep breath in and out, a smile battling to take over your lips, you lick your lips in the heartbeat that comes before your answer. Swallowing your nerves– because even though you should’ve told him the moment you got the news this morning, you’re somehow stressed out about the action of doing so– you open your mouth and finally break the rules to him. 

“I… I got to Yale,” you say, on your toes. The joy and relief you felt this morning when you saw the email appear on your phone screen is daring to creep into the way you speak to Chenle right now, but you’re keeping it in. Not letting yourself scream and shout the accomplishment from the rooftops, you look at the boy, not a change appearing on his face at hearing your announcement. “I got into their business program,” you add anxiously, waiting for him to say something– anything– to your news.

As your friend, he’s supposed to be happy for you, isn’t he? He’s supposed to hug you now and squeeze you and tell you how you’ve done a good job and that he’s proud of you and that he’s cheering you on in your dream. None of it comes, though, as he only hums and nods at your sentences, not even bothering to open his eyes to look at you when you oh so excitedly talk to him about your life goals. 

Something inside of you breaks just the tiniest bit, your mood falling as you anxiously chew on the inside of your cheek.

“Are you not gonna say anything?” you demand, halting your movements through his raven locks, averting your touch and looking at him curiously.

You watch him as he finally opens his eyes and looks at you with an empty look, licking his lips before humming again and asking you in a tone of voice that barely meets interest or excitement. “So you’re gonna be a businesswomen like your mum when you get your degree?” he asks, nodding to himself.

“Yeah,” you answer, clearing your throat. You’re a little confused at his weird stance towards the topic, but you battle out a tight-lipped smile. “I’m hoping for it.”

He hums again, the noise seemingly enough for him to consider it a valid conversation holder, a deadpan: “Good,” leaving his lips after a second, making you furrow your brows in confusion and utter disappointment. This is not the way you imagined the conversation to go– this is not how you wanted it to go at all.

Heaving out a sigh, you tug your arm to yourself, contemplating on speaking up– knowing you’re just gonna make everything worse if you do– but doing so anyway. “That’s all you’re gonna say?”

“I mean, what else is there to say?” 

Looking at him in disbelief, your face scrunching up in various different emotions, all mixing into one– disappointment being the dominant feel, you think, you scoff at him. This is not Zhong Chenle as you know him, and sure, he hasn’t been the most overly-excited, cheerful individual these past few months, but you still think you deserve at least a bit of praise for the achievement of getting into one of the hardest universities to get to in the world, no?

“I don’t know, you could… congratulate me, I guess…? Tell me I did a good job, I dunno… would be nice,” you mutter, snickering once more to prove your irritation with the man.

“Oh,” he says, looking genuinely surprised, taken-aback, even, “well, congrats on the legacy admission, I guess,” he says, nonchalant, as if his words aren’t a dagger to your heart each second that passes, your blood pressure rising as the reality downs on you that he’s being serious and that this is not a sick joke.

“The legacy admission?” you repeat, eyes big and shocked, your whole body moving an inch away from him on the bed without you realizing.

“Yeah,” he shrugs, not a bit caring about breaking you from the inside, the humiliation slowly creeping from the tips of your fingertips to the depths of your soul.

“So you’re saying I went through the whole admission process and put in so much effort only for you to say that I got in because of stupid legacy?” you chirp, gazing at him with sharp eyes, blood boiling from the impact of his words. “What legacy are you even talking about?”

“Don’t act like you’re not a nepo baby,” he snickers, rolling his eyes.

Gasping at his words, baffled at the unexpected reaction, you stand up on the bed and stare at him with sharp eyes. At a loss for words, you stutter a little when you speak up again and utter out the next words, hoping to hit him where it hurts. “Like you’re not?”

“Never said I’m not,” he shrugs, “don’t have a problem with admitting I am.”

“So you’re saying I only got to university because of my parents,” you get out, glossy eyes scanning his peaceful figure, “so you’re saying I’m not smart enough to get into Yale?” 

“That’s not what I said–”

“But you implied.”

“You only hear what you want to hear,” Chenle sighs, as if he was tired of your antics, which only makes you more furious at the whole interaction.

“No, Chenle–” you stutter, his name rolling off your tongue as if it was meant to stop him with hurting you even more for discrediting your efforts, yet, you can’t find any more words to say to him as you stare at this limb body laying on the soft mattress of his king sized bed, shaking your head in disbelief.

Standing up from the bed and scattering around the room for your clothes, ignoring the way putting them on in front of him makes you feel like you’ve been stripped away from all your dignity, you hurriedly come to the door of his bedroom, almost forgetting your phone that you gather on your way out from the messy desk in the right corner of the room. 

“Where are you going?” he asks monotonously, watching you move through the place.

“Home,” you bark out, running your hand through your hair as you walk back to the door, ignoring the hot tears pricking your eyes at the feeling of your whole entire world collapsing in on you when he mourns from the bed.

“Don’t be mad, it’s not like I said anything bad…”

“Goodnight,” you snap, not bothering to look back at him as you escape his house in the middle of the night, running through the street to your house much earlier than you anticipated, wiping at your cheeks with angry palms. 

This is the first time he disappointed you, and you can’t tell if that felt worse, or if it was the excitement slowly and painfully stripping off your bones, making you feel like you’re running around without your flesh, completely see-through for everyone around.

June 27, 2020 – IFC Mall, Shanghai, 4:33 PM

“Do you think this makes my ass look extra hot?” Yizhuo asks, gaze shifting from you to Chenle to Renjun, the four of you currently in one of the designer shops at the mall. Leaning on the wall, arms crossed on your chest and chewing on the inside of your cheek, you shrug, not a word escaping your mouth.

“I’m your cousin, I’m not looking at your ass like that,” Chenle mutters under his nose, sighing as he takes a seat on one of the expensive looking sofas situated in the changing room, resting his head against the neck rest and closing his eyes in what seems to be tiredness or annoyance– either of, or both mixed in, equal parts.

“Oh come on, I need to know!”

“It does look super hot, Yizhuo, now can you–”

“So you are staring at my butt!” Yizhuo excitedly yelps, pointing a sharp finger towards Renjun, a bright grin settling onto her lips when the accused boy stutters, cheeks reddening at her comment.

“You literally asked us to, for fuck’s sake!”

“You could’ve refused, just like Chenle did,” she shrugs, smiling to herself in victory. If anyone was listening to your conversation right now, they would surely have a lot of questions you wouldn’t be able to respond to. Hell, even you’re confused half of the time you hang out with Ning Yizhuo– what the hell is going on in her head?

“He’s your family, of course he refused,” Renjun mutters, shaking his head as he drags a hand through his hair in despair.

“Whatever you say, Renjunie,” she chirps, closing the curtain behind her and changing back into the pants she wore when she got to the store in one swift motion, leaving the boy puzzled with her next words as she walks up to the counter, “I’m only buying those because you think I look super hot in them, just so you know.”

Paying for her things and escaping the store, the rest of you tagging along, you notice the boy aimlessly trying to forget about the whole situation, and his prayers were listened to, after all, since Yizhuo seems to drop the topic after teasing him so much, turning to you instead. Walking alongside with you, leaving the two boys a few steps ahead, she nudges you with her elbow, raising up her brow in question.

“What’s up with you? You haven’t even tried anything on,” she notes, “and we both know you’ve been eyeing that new LV collection, so there must be something bothering you.”

Sighing, hating that the girl knows you so well– that, or you’re being awfully obvious– you roll your eyes in annoyance and try to shrug the topic off. “It’s nothing, I’m fine.”

“Well, that’s obviously a lie. Is it something with Chenle? You two are usually all over each other, so–”

“It’s not about Chenle,” you snap, cutting the poor girl off, “so drop it.”

“Did he say something stupid? I know my cousin, come on. I can slap some sense into him, sweetheart, just let me know–”

“Please let it be,” you insist, tone of voice almost a little too sharp for your own liking, but it seemingly does its job as your friend only shrugs and takes a sip out of the coffee you all bought when getting to the mall, catching up to the men a few steps in front of you, talking about basketball.

“Well, if you need to talk to anyone about it, you know where to find me,” she says, and joins the discourse with her cousin and the boy she’s been teasing for whatever reason for the last few weeks instead, leaving you to trail behind them like a lost puppy, deep in your thoughts.

It’s been a few weeks since you last talked to Chenle. He tried reaching out to you a few times, sending you texts to ask what you’re doing that day to see if you wanna hang out. It seemed that at first, he didn’t really understand that he upset you. After you continued to ignore him even on graduation day, only greeting him and sparing him a few words, he seemed to get the memo as he let you deal with your emotions by yourself instead. You were never given an apology– and truthfully, knowing Chenle, you didn’t even expect to get one in the first place. But still, it’s been bugging you and you couldn’t get his words out of your brain, because you know you can’t do anything about them– if this is the image he has of you, the opinion he created, you don’t think you can talk it out with him in the first place.

“Everything okay back there?” Chenle asks, looking behind at you. His eyes are big and honest, and you find yourself nodding to his caring question. Sparing him a word seems like too much effort right now, and so when he offers you a tight-lipped smile, you don’t have enough energy to reciprocate it.

“Princess Yizhuo here has sore feet, so we are calling it a day. You wanted anything from the mall? I can stay behind with you and go get it,” he continues, his words jabbing into you only reminding you more of the days you spent ignoring him. Realistically, he should be mad at you for it– maybe you even wanted that to happen so he would ignore you instead, giving you the silent treatment, but this is your childhood friend Zhong Chenle we’re talking about. He talks too much in situations where he should shut up instead, and that’s exactly what’s happening in this very moment as well.

“I’m good,” you note, shrugging as you throw the empty coffee cup into one of the bins on your way, your small group now escaping the mall and getting to the parking lot.

Walking towards Chenle’s Zenvo TS1 parked in the corner of the parking lot, you hear the chatter of the group resonating in your ears, not really engaging in the conversation yourself, but choosing to listen to feel included anyway. It’s not their fault that you’re not in the mood, and frankly, you’re glad they even invited you to the outing in the first place. Everything’s better than being left out in your books, even if it means forcing yourself into social interaction. 

“My driver should be here any minute,” Yizhuo smiles, waving at Renjun currently getting into his Porsche Cayenne that he got after you all arrived from his birthday trip to Korea. Watching the boy drive off– while listening to Chenle bitching about his driving (he does have a point though, the poor boy almost crashed into a pole on his way out) – you feel a nudge to your elbow, making you turn to your friend.

“Wanna get back with me, neighbor?” he asks, eyebrows raised in question. 

In any other circumstance, you wouldn’t miss a heartbeat before answering. But now, you ponder on the question for a bit– you got to the mall with Yizhuo, having hanged out with her at her place before– but now that she’s getting a drive home, there was no use in you tagging along with her, since you live quite far from her house. Getting a drive home from Chenle is the most logical solution, after all, and that’s why you find yourself nodding.

Jumping to the passenger’s seat, waving at Yizhuo still waiting for her driver to get there– it should take only about 5 more minutes, with the speed her driver can get to when called– you silently gaze out of the window on your way back, not sparing the boy next to you a glance. He seems to not mind, carefully taking turns and waiting at the stop signs and red lights on his way to your neighborhood, humming along under his breath to the songs on the radio instead to fill the silence. You spend the ride chewing on your cheek, nerves eating you up from inside just at the sheer fact of being in his close proximity again, yet still being so painfully hurt at the feelings he expressed the last time you hung out one-on-one.

His car smoothly gets to the parts of the town that feel more rich– houses growing bigger in size, the gates taller in the sky and the lawns mowed more carefully, with more fancy bushes in the yards and pure-blood dogs running around in front of the gates. After a few minutes, your neighborhood appears in front of your eyes, his car driving past your house and into the Zhong property instead, making you furrow your brows in confusion and annoyance.

“You could’ve just stopped in front of my house so I could get out, you know,” you hum, sighing when he turns the engine off. 

“I was thinking we could hang out over at ours for a sec,” he shrugs, turning his face to you with a hopeful glint in his eye, which you dismiss with an annoyed huff and a roll of your eyes, reaching towards the door handle to get out and walk over to your house instead. 

“Come on, Y/N,” he calls for you, “are you still mad?”

“No,” you snicker, shrugging as you move towards the front gates, his figure quickly catching up to you as he grabs your wrist, halting you in your movements.

“I’m sorry. Let me make it out to you?” he mumbles, looking at you with eyes big and deep like honey, and suddenly, you’re a putty under his touch– just like always, you cave in– as you sigh, following him inside. You don’t miss the victorious pep in his step as he leads you inside, his hand still in contact with your arm, only letting go when you get to his room and he leads you to sit on his bed.

“Wanna play something?” he asks, thrusting a PS5 controller into your hands, not really leaving you much room for disapproval. Grunting and rolling your eyes at him, you watch as he opens up It takes two, your characters running around the split screen trying to figure out the way around.

The silence between the two of you is cruciating, suffocating, even, as neither of you have enough courage to open up the topic again. Tugging at your bottom lip, biting off the dry skin up to the point it bleeds, you sigh and turn to the boy again, putting the controller down. “Is this your way of making it up to me?” you ask.

Cocking his head to you, he shrugs. “I mean, I had a different idea, but that’s up for a discussion…” he mutters, the suggestion of his words making you roll your eyes at him, in disbelief of the fact that he still has the audacity to tease when he knows you’re clearly upset with him.

“Okay, I’m… really sorry, okay?” he says when he registers your mood, sighing to himself and running a hand through his hair. “I kinda fucked up, and I realise that. I didn’t mean to imply that you’re stupid, or anything– come on, I always cheated off you on exams, after all– so, I just- it came off wrong, is what I’m tryna say,” he concludes, looking at you hopefully, his face seemingly in tune with the words coming out of his mouth.

Humming, you shrug, not really knowing what to say. The apology settles a little in you, noting that at least he acknowledged that he fucked up, and so you pick up the controller again and avert your gaze from him. Seeing as his character refuses to move, you look at him from the corner of your eye, raising your brows in question.

“So you forgive me?” he asks, licking his lips in nerves– the action making your eyes travel down to the plump rosiness, involuntarily following his action. His glistening mouth has your gaze wandering around his body, eyes focusing on things you’ve been purposefully ignoring the whole day– the way his forearms show off in his short-sleeved shirt, the way his hair is parted in a way that shows his forehead in the most strangely attractive ways, and also the ever-so casual demeanor of the male. Chuckling to yourself, you shrug, taunting him.

“I dunno,” you mumble, “how can you make it up to me?”

And again, Chenle gets the hint– he’s not stupid, after all. 

Slowly lounging himself towards you, making you drop the controller to his sheets, you close your eyes in expectancy of his touch, already so used to the rhythm of his lips against yours. His hand holds your jaw in place, firm kisses pressed to your yearning mouth, you try to remember the way his touch feels– just in case you have to give it up soon again– a selfish action of your body as you thread your fingers through his hair. 

Lips ghosting over yours, he snickers against them as he speaks. “You taste of blood,” he notes.

“Shut up,” you mutter, taking matters into your own hands as you lock yourself to him again, pressing shaky, hurried kisses to his lips. 

He finds a better place to attach them to, though, as he gently pushes you towards his mattress into a lying position, traveling towards your jaw and your neck. His touch never stays long enough to leave a mark– at least not in places visible for everyone to see, saving you a lot of explaining to your parents and your friends– but the kisses still leave you breathless and yearning for more, hands traveling down his back and humming in pleasure.

“Missed this,” he speaks against your skin, breathless, “so much.”

“Missed my body or me?” you ask, a hint of bitterness on your tongue.

“A bit of both,” he smirks, gently sucking on the skin of your collarbone, leaving you to squirm under the feathery touch. Hands traveling up under your shirt, his fingers trailing across your belly and the curve of your hip, you’re left shivering under the contrast of the heated atmosphere and his stone-cold hands, giggling when he presses an unusually sweet kiss to your cheek in between the more risky ones.

“And which one did you miss more?” you tease, locking eyes with him as he hovers over your body, plopped up by an arm on either side of your head.

His eyes glimmer as he stares you down, cocking his head to the side. “I miss when you didn’t talk,” he says, leaning down again and taking your breath away with a kiss, a displeased grunt meeting his lips as you disapprove of his snarky comment.

In the sheer second where you two break away for air, his hands undress your top, leaving you under him just in your underwear, a position you two have found yourselves in a number of times before. Still, it leaves you shy away under his hungry eyes, only relaxing again when his raven locks tickle the underside of your jaw, lips attaching to every inch of your now exposed body, not afraid of bruising the skin you always keep covered, out of everyone’s eyes. Sometimes, you yearn for him to plant a lovebite to your jaw, to the juncture of your shoulder and your neck, wanting to show them off to everyone and claim the boy as yours– you know you don’t have that power, though, when Zhong Chenle will never be yours and the bruises of desire are always hidden away from everyone, like a dirty little secret; much like what you two have going on in the first place anyway.

“You know,” he mutters against your skin, in between the kisses that have now grown lazier, “I was starting to get a little crazy when you ignored me. That was a first,” he says.

Snickering, hands once again finding their place in his locks, you shrug. “Was the first time you deserved it.”

“Does my opinion really matter to you that much?” he asks, chuckling as he presses another kiss to your skin, to a place a few inches below your collarbone.

“We’ve been friends forever,” you say, “‘course it does.”

“Well, then you should’ve known that as your friend,” he huffs, lips pressed against your skin, “‘m not looking down on you.”

Humming, you let him work his magic as his lazy kisses inch closer to the fabric of your bra, his other hand playing with the fabric of it, twirling the little bow in between your breasts in his fingers as he leans on one of his plopped-up hands, looking at you from the side. 

“Guess I was just more curious about what you wanted to do after school, y’know,” you say, the conversation flowing despite his hands all over you, “before you called me a nepo baby, of course.”

He chuckles at your remark, rolling his eyes at you as his finger trails up your side, your skin growing goosebumps under his touch. “Dunno yet. Why do you care?”

“Wanted to see how far we’re gonna be,” you say, the moment suddenly growing more intimate. The relationship you two have was never inclusive– you two had sex sometimes, sure, but you never once told each other this was more than that. You two were just mere fuck buddies, childhood friends that found sexual attraction in each other somewhere along the way, and while that was enough for you for a while, you found yourself growing anxious of the fact that he was never going to be fully yours. And with the growing anxiety– the smallest remainder of your worries that overtake you in the middle of the night sometimes– your throat closes up on itself when you choke out the next words. “Wanted to see how much time we have left together.”

His hand settles on your hip, his eyes bearing into yours with a newly found heaviness in them. Furrowing his brows, he licks his lips in nerves before speaking up. “Well, I’ll always be your neighbor, so you can find me when you come back. Unless we move, y’know…” he jokes, an airy laugh coming out his lungs that doesn’t meet the expected intention of easing the situation.

You chuckle– but there’s not a hint of lightheartedness in the gesture, quite the opposite, really– as you avert your gaze from him, your head lollying to the side when you try to hide your slowly, but surely growing red eyes. “That’s not what I meant.”

The hand on your hip squeezes the skin under it, his figure now fully hovering over you again, eyes desperately wanting to meet yours. A finger gently pressed to your chin makes you turn your head back forward, his worried gaze bearing into you, and for a moment, you two only stare into each other’s eyes, frozen in time. 

And again, Zhong Chenle isn’t stupid. 

But for a second, he acts like he is. 

“What are you talking about?” he chuckles. “You’re scaring me.”

And when you don’t give him an answer, but instead chew on the inside of your cheek– another place to bleed after you bite down too hard from the nerves crushing you from the inside– he seems to finally get the hint, an airy laugh full of disbelief meeting your ears. Having figured it out, still, he speaks it into existence– as if he needed a confirmation; 8 words tormentingly escaping from between his swollen lips.

“You don’t have feelings for me, do you?”

Sniffling, you shut your eyes close at the question, your silence a clear answer to your childhood friend as he peels himself off you, the feeling of cold air on your exposed skin like a painful slap to reality. You stay like that for some time, mentally counting seconds, each hammer of your heart in your chest like a threat to your existence. Finally, the silence is broken by a determined, yet a little weak sentence coming out of Chenle’s mouth.

“I think you have to leave.” 

Numb, you follow the orders.

July 25, 2020 – Ning Yizhuo’s room, Shanghai, 6:11 PM

“So I was right all along?” Yizhuo snickers, eating from the bowl of almonds she has settled in the free space between her lap and her crossed legs, staring at you with the hydrating sheet mask on her face. You heave out a sigh at her comment, rolling your eyes as you fall back into her soft mattress, shaking your head in disbelief.

“That’s all you got from this conversation?” 

“Almost,” she mumbles, but nudges you with her foot right after, “I’m joking. I was listening, I’m just… shocked that I was actually right and that you were fucking my cousin all along.”

“Yeah, well, that’s not happening anymore, so you don’t have to be disturbed,” you grunt, wondering why you actually told the girl in the first place, regretting the decision perhaps the most right now. Yes, she did bug you for the last few weeks about the reasoning behind your attitude, and the fact that you refused all the invitations to hang out with your friends in fear of seeing Chenle were starting to get a bit suspicious, so you figured you can’t hide it anymore and that Yizhuo was bound to find out either way sooner or later. And still, you think you needed a bit of girl advice too.

“‘m not disturbed,” she mumbles, voice suddenly considerate, “I just- the whole situation is all kinds of weird and fucked up right now.”

“Tell me about it,” you chuckle, the bitter taste on your tongue never leaving despite trying to drown your sorrow down in sweets. “I fucked it up, Yizhuo.”

“Now, that’s just not true,” she sighs, putting the bowl of almonds to her coffee table and laying next to you, reaching for your hand and swinging it around in failed acts of encouragement and affection. “It’s not your fault he freaked out and made it weird.”

“I made it weird!” you mourn, breaking away from her grasp and dragging your hands through your hair in frustration, the feelings bundling in your stomach making you feel like acid is just bound to shoot out of the crevices of your insides, throwing up from the stress and despair. “I’m moving across the world the next month and I won’t see any of you for a long time, since Jun is moving to Korea and you’re gonna work in your parent’s company as well as going to uni here, and instead of spending the last moments of summer break together, I fucked it up and made everything weird and awkward just because I had to fall in love with my childhood best friend. While we’d been fucking. Isn’t that fucking great?” you huff, closing your eyes shut with the tears threatening to fall down your cheeks at your own words falling from between your lips.

“We are spending time together right now, though,” Yizhuo tries to cheer you up, her pout heard in her tone.

“There are millions of different ways you’d love to spend your time with me instead of moping because of your cousin,” you note, sighing, “and I don’t even fucking know what he’s gonna do after summer break, and now, I won’t get to know.”

Yizhuo grows quiet next to you, suggesting the thickening atmosphere. Turning on your side to see your friend with her eyes glued to your figure, you chew on the inside of your cheek. She sighs, preparing herself for the mental tangent she’s gonna bring you on, and reaches over to smooth down your messy hair. 

“You know, Chenle never really liked… this life,” she says, shrugging, “he hates shopping, he hates hearing about investing, he hated traveling so much when you and your family didn’t tag along… At every family reunion, he just hid away in his room and never got out, because he found the whole situation snobby and fake and all those adjectives I’ve never really thought about calling my own relatives. He… he…” she licks her lips, trying to come up with the right words to say, “he sees the world around us with different eyes, and I don’t think he’s happy with it. So don’t- don’t be mad at him for not really… going anywhere with it, okay?” 

Furrowing your brows at her, you shake your head in confusion. This is perhaps the first time you really realized Chenle’s view on things– it’s not like you haven’t heard his annoyed rants about all the prestige and over-the-top lifestyle you all have, but that’s all you thought it was. Annoyance– because at the end of the day, your life is comfortable. You wouldn’t want it any other way. If money moves the world around, you were the one walking through every hallway, all opportunities opened up in front of your eyes; and you don’t think you’d enjoy your life more if you had a bit less money. Chenle, on the other hand, seems to be quite the opposite. His joy is not determined by money, and for the first time in your life, it seems like you’re getting what he’s been talking about your whole life, the words you heard but never truly listened to. It was right in front of you the whole time, but you never saw it, and now that your eyes have been opened, you find it hard to deal with the revelation.

“But what is he going to do?” you gurgle out, confused. 

“I don’t think he knows either,” Yizhuo shrugs, “he’s… figuring out things, I suppose.”

Chuckling, you shut your eyes in despair, thinking for a bit, but still failing to grasp the situation. “I don’t get it. He- he could have everything, but he’s just… throwing everything away? He could move across the world, he could start his own company, he could buy a house or work or study, but he just won’t,” you ramble, “I don’t get it.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying,” Yizhuo shrugs, “but he sees it a different way.”

Laying flat on your back, eyes glued to the ceiling, your friend clears her throat and awkwardly shuffles around her sheets. “And at the end of the day, even though you’ve been friends for forever, I think you’re just in love with the version of him that you’ve created in your head. The version that you’re trying, but cannot fix,” she notes, pausing for a moment before proceeding,  “the only person you can fix is yourself.”

And maybe, Yizhuo’s right. Maybe you fell in love with the Chenle in his sports car, Chenle in the golf cart with his designer clothes on, Chenle on the cruise ship sipping on expensive alcohol. Maybe you fell in love with the version that has the whole world in the palm of his hand, the version of him that goes to Yale with you and rents out a luxurious apartment in the middle of the city, kissing you behind the tall windows, watching over the busy streets– the version in your dreams, the version you wanted to achieve.

But what about the version of him that walked you to your house after tennis class? What about the version of him that cuddled you in his sheets, the version of him that fell asleep soundly when you played with his hair, cradled your fingers through his scalp? What about the version of him that scared you in the dark, because he knew you get creeped out too easily, the version of him that ate cheap sausage with you in Japan, the version of him that studied with you and brought you to your bed when you fell asleep at the table? What about the version of him that cried to Disney movies with you, the version of him that danced with you to the tunes of One Direction in your room when you were sixteen, the version of him that threw rocks on your window in the moonlight the night you turned seventeen, wanting to be the first one to wish you happy birthday before slipping inside of your room in the middle of the night, only to fall asleep seconds later, huddling your sheets?

Did you make that up? Was that not him in the first place?

And maybe, there is a discrepancy between the dream you’ve made up in your head with him, the idea of you two staying together, trying to fix the view he has on the world you two live in, but at the end of the day, none of it was a lie. 

And maybe, Yizhuo’s right; you should change the way you view things to match Chenle’s better, because at the end of the day, maybe you’re the one too blinded by the gold and silver around your neck to see the real issue here.

August 2, 2020 – Lehai Villas, Baicheng, China, 10:15 PM

When you finally see Zhong Chenle after the night he kicked you out of his bedroom, both of you are a mess. 

You’re a mess in the more subtle sense. Your dress is neat, the jewelry on your neck was carefully picked out days before, the heels enveloping your feet are one of the most comfortable ones for you to walk in, since you prepared yourself for being on your feet the whole evening. Your makeup is fixed on your face, earrings dangling off your ears and your purse matches the outfit perfectly; your hair in a fancy updo that you even drove to a hairdresser for, all so that you could look flawless for another one of your parent’s gatherings. Their business partner’s son is turning 21, and while it doesn’t look like that big of a deal, they are celebrating the fact that Mark Lee is now one of the shareholders of their company– and in your world, this is the most moving moment of the child’s life.

You’re a mess in the more subtle sense– you keep looking around, restless, not really paying attention to anything anyone is saying. Aimlessly humming and picking at the skin of your cuticles, you try hard to both catch a glance of your friend, and to also avoid him at all costs. The reality that Zhong Chenle is a mess too hits you only when you finally see him– his tie loose on his neck, a grunt escaping his throat that you can hear from all the way to where you are, his walking a little wobbly and his hair messy as he runs his hand through the sprayed-down locks, his composure disheveled and so obviously out of the place.

And you want to stay away, you really do– to let him deal with his own things by himself, to pretend you weren’t cautiously looking for him all evening– but when he picks up another glass of alcohol from one of the tables and downs it in one go, cheeks getting rosier by the minute, you wonder how far you can let him go until he gets into trouble with his parents; and suddenly, you’re on your feet, just like you expected, dragging your figure closer to the one you’ve been trying to avoid.

“Don’t you think you’ve drunk enough?” you mumble when you appear behind him, his shoulders slouching at the tone of your voice. When he looks around and catches your eyes, he snickers to himself, shrugging, before he makes a face full of disgust at your remark.

“We’re celebrating, aren’t we?” he says, “Mark Lee’s a big man now, taking all the responsibility for a company that’s so great, and he loves the job so much,” he continues, over-exaggerating every word, “and we’re here to celebrate his birthday! Have you… seen the motherfucker anywhere, by the way? Would wanna congratulate him on… the thing…” he trails off, dramatically scratching his head as he speaks the last words.

“Chenle–”

“Right! We are celebrating a guy we don’t even know, or seen the whole evening, but that’s so great, because at least we have all this alcohol–”

“Okay, you’re getting out of here,” you snap, shaking your head at his antics and digging your nails into his forearm, dragging the boy out of the crowded place before he throws a tantrum. With how his voice was getting louder and louder, a few figures turned to watch your exchange, and you can’t imagine the turmoil this will take on him once his parents find out– it’s better to get him out of there before he messes up even more badly.

His feet stumbling on the stairs outside, he mutters something under his breath as you drag his half-limp, half-stubborn body through the enormous land. The gardens are full of fairy lights and adults talking to each other in hushed whispers, laughter erupting out of their put-together figures every now and then, and you take some time before you finally manage to find a silent corner in one of the carefully mowed gardens, Chenle’s complains silencing after a while, admitting his fate.

Carelessly throwing his body towards one of the benches, the lighting dim in the corner, you watch as he takes a seat and looks at you with defeated eyes, the emptiness behind his gaze breaking you on so many levels you didn’t even think you could master; Zhong Chenle is a mess– has been a mess for a while now, and you didn’t notice– you didn’t do anything about it until now.

“What happened to you?!” you yelp out, voice betraying you somewhere towards the end of the sentence, sounding more desperate than you intended. Eyes scanning over his slouching body, you notice him playing with his fingers in his lap, an action of calming himself down that he’s picked up after you slapped his hands every time he tried to bite on his nails growing up, and you take a few steps around the place, running your fingers through your carefully styled hair. 

“Don’t scold me like my mother,” Chenle grunts, rolling his eyes at your composure.

“No, Chenle, because I don’t get it,” you shake your head, looking him dead in the sparkless eyes, “I do not get it.”

When he offers you no explanation, rather just gazing your whole body up and down, eyes half-lidded, you presume he’s a bit out of it– the alcohol truly hitting his system now, making you result in a little tangent of yourself, because you presume everything’s better than his parent’s scolding, and maybe he just needs someone to wake him back to reality. “What happened, Chenle? What the actual fuck is going on lately? You don’t speak to anyone about it, you don’t tell me, out of all people–” a snicker leaves his lips to this, making you huff in frustration, “you don’t tell anyone how you’re feeling, and it’s eating you up from the inside, and believe me when I say, Chenle, it’s pretty damn heartbreaking to watch.”

Looking at him, you’re offered nothing but silence. His cheeks are rosy and puffed up from the alcohol, his frame is small– opposed to the power stance he usually takes– and you don’t think you’re getting a conversation from him any time soon. Ready to give up, you shake your head at him and scoff. “Okay, fine. You don’t have to talk to me, since you have an issue with the fact that I care about you more than I should,” you snap, agreeing to be petty with him, if this was how he was gonna play.

“I don’t talk to any of you, because you wouldn’t understand,” he says, voice almost a bit annoyed, tongue dipped in bitterness. 

“We grew up together, Chenle. Our lives are pretty much the same, why the fuck would you think that I, out of all people, wouldn’t understand?” 

“See, that’s the thing,” Chenle catches you off guard, charming in with an argument barely before you are able to finish the sentence, “our lives are pretty much the same, yet you love it. You fucking love it, all of you do– you love waking up in your little fancy bedrooms, doing great at school because if you don’t, your parents are going to threaten you with disowning you– and what else do you have if not your parents wealth that you coincidentally, also despise at the same time? You go shopping to your favorite mall with your equally wealthy friends, because you’re not allowed to befriend people that are lower class– that would just look fucking embarrassing in front of your parents’ contacts, wouldn’t it? You go to charity events and birthday celebrations of a guy you’ve never seen in your whole life before, just because someone told you to– and don’t you dare tell them you won’t go, because how the fuck are they gonna look all pretty in front of their business partners if their only son doesn’t attend a celebration of someone inheriting a share from their parents’ company– a thing you’re supposed to do as soon as you turn 20, if you don’t attend university they picked out for you instead. You go on fancy holidays and take pictures in front of all the attractions, and it doesn’t even feel special anymore, because you do this every month– and the only time you ever felt alive was when you were drunk and making out with someone that you shouldn’t even think about in that way in the first place, because it’s your parents’ friends’ daughter, and at the end of the day, they would just love the fact that we were together, because that could strengthen the business bond they have– the only reason why they’re friends in the first place, and I’m so fed up, I hate it, I despise it–” he stops to take a breath, his eyes getting glossy,

and suddenly, you’re helpless, you’re falling apart– because the issue is so much bigger than you anticipated and you don’t know how to do anything about it.

“And I don’t fucking feel real, Y/N, I don’t, and I don’t think I ever have, because I just wake up in the mornings and then somewhere along the way, I realise I’m alive and I laugh, because how could all of this be real? How could the money be real? How could anything be real, and– and it’s so confusing, because I should be grateful, but I’m not, because I can’t even fully grasp it,” he breathes, tears now streaking down his cheeks.

It feels like the whole world stopped for a moment; it feels like you are in a movie and someone pressed pause. You stare at him, you blink, and you pray for something to send you strength to deal with this, to tell you what to do or how to comfort him– because this must have felt so alone, and you can’t stand the image of Chenle ever being lonely.

Opening your mouth and closing it, you gasp for air. No words feel suitable for this kind of conversation, and so you just chime towards him– despite all your best assumptions– and hold him. Because at the end of the day, what helps more to ground someone back to earth than human touch?

Pads of your thumbs wipe at the teardrops strolling down his cheeks, every contact with the salty liquid hurting you, cutting through your skin like razor blades– because Chenle never cries, he never feels like something is worth indulging in enough to bring him to tears– and when he catches his trembling bottom lip in his teeth, you break; pulling him towards you and threading your fingers through his hair, the action once lullying him to sleep now used like a broken mantra– please be okay, please relax, please let me hold you until you’re glued back together again.

“I dunno what to do,” he shrugs, his head resting on your stomach, voice burrowing itself into the fabric of your expensive dress, “dunno where to go. ‘Cause Jun’s leaving, and Yizhuo’s gonna be busy with everything, and– and you’re moving across the fucking ocean, and I’m just– I turned everything down, because–” he says, voice breaking, and you shush him with a pat on his back, touch growing more affectionate.

“It’s okay,” you hum, “I got you,” you say; words he once told you at the golf cart, looking after you, or in the hotel room back in Japan when you were 6 and falling asleep, still scared of ghosts appearing in your bedroom– and you believed them, you always did, because Chenle was always there when you needed him– so you only pray he finds comfort in the sincere phrases, because what more is there to offer him?

His breathing grows steadier as you continue to play with his messy hair, his hands gently allowing themselves to wrap around your thighs, your standing figure shelved between his legs, and he laughs to himself, the whole situation kind of ironic to him now. “I don’t even know why I’m crying. ‘m kinda numb, you know, so it doesn’t even really hurt in the first place,” he says, and you wish you found the same humor in it than he did– or at least the bitter sense of soothing yourself with irony– but you can’t. Looking down at his body, latched to you like a lifeline, you wonder how you could ever leave him there alone, to deal with the burden by himself. How could you ever move so far away from him?

“My parents wanted me to go with you,” he starts, the sentence sparking up something inside of you, but he doesn’t pull away and meet your eyes when he continues, foreshadowing a sad ending to your hope, “they said I should study business at Yale as well, that it’s a great opportunity.”

You don’t reply to him, choosing not to push him. After a sigh, he continues. “And I didn’t get in, because, naturally, I was too stupid for it in the first place– no, I was–” he says when you gently slap the back of his head at the comment, “but then they paid the dean and suddenly I was allowed to go. Can you believe that?” he snickers bitterly, shaking his head in disbelief. “Bad mouthed you for a thing I despised in myself, when you were the one that got in fair and square in the first place.”

“‘s okay,” you mumble, compassion dripping off your words.

“And I turned it down, ‘cause I hated the fact that they did that. I was okay with studying the fucking business program, even though I despised it, I was okay with moving across the world, because at least you’d be there, y’know, but I couldn’t bear the fact that they did that to get me in. I think I was too ashamed, too embarrassed, because they had to pay for me to get there, but– I don’t know…” he trails off, and you sigh, shaking your head in disbelief.

“It’s okay to take opportunities that are presented to you, Lele,” you mumble, “I know you hate it, but you can’t change who you’re born to. The best you could do is to not waste all of this,” you say, trying to find a source of light in the deep abyss of his thoughts.

You try hard to solve the problem– to offer him a solution that could work, that could let him forget about the pain for at least a second– to wake him up from whatever deep thinking that got him into this mess. You try hard to solve the problem– but you don’t know how to deal with it. All you know is that you’re trying to pick up the patterns; you’d fit in his skin if you could, you’d crawl in and fix everything– but at the end of the day, as Yizhuo said, the only person you can fix is yourself.

“Bought,” he says, fixing your mistake, “opportunities that were bought for me. I couldn’t do it,” he says.

Huffing, indulging in a spare second of your own pain– a spare second of the despair eating you up from the insides, the helplessness you’ve been feeling ever since you were forcefully kicked out of Zhong Chenle’s life– and you didn’t even tell him you loved him in the first place before he got stuck in the fire of the woods; before you two started acting like it didn’t matter and always ended up in feuds– you mumble a comment, voice barely louder than a whisper, but he can hear it because of the closeness of your bodies in the few stray raindrops that come over you two once the clock strikes midnight.

“We could’ve lived together, you and me,” you say, “us against the whole world,” you comment– a childlike yearning spilling out of your lips, “we could’ve gone to Yale together and you’d figure something out along the way. Maybe– maybe you’d find a purpose if you moved, we could–”

“Y/N,” he shushes you, uttering out your name, finally breaking away from you as he looks up and gazes into the swimming pools of your eyes, shaking his head with a faint smile, “‘s okay. It wouldn’t have fixed anything anyway, it– it wouldn’t have helped.”

“But–”

“You can move, Y/N, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter, ‘cause you’re taking yourself with you.”

August 20, 2020 – the backyard of your childhood house, Shanghai, 11:11 PM

You were never really that good at science– sure, your parents demanded you get good grades in every subject and your private school put quite the pressure on your education, but even though you always managed to pull satisfactory marks in exams, your understanding of the logistics sometimes lacked; you were much better at humanities or business-related courses, hearing enough at family dinners to find out your way through the lectures and apply the facts into examples from real life.

So, if anyone asked you how many stars there were in the universe, you wouldn’t be too confident in your answer. You wouldn’t know how to apply the Milky Way as your model– since it was said that it has around 100 billion stars alone– and multiply the part by the amount of galaxies in the universe– approximately 2 trillion– to get a number somewhere close to 200 billion trillion, also called 200 sextillion. 

You wouldn’t know how to do any of that, or how to even count this amount without a calculator, so you’d take a more liberal arts approach– literary, even– and say, that on August 20, 2020, at 11:11 sharp in your backyard, gazing on to the deep, dark sky and wishing for a star to fall so you could propose a selfish wish that could change everything, there’s still not more stars there than in Zhong Chenle’s eyes when your gazes meet after your friends leave for the evening, leaving you with your neighbor completely alone.

And it’s strange, seeing him like this– maybe because you didn’t even realize how used to the dull and emotionless Chenle you’ve been all this time– but it warms something inside of your heart as you take a hesitant step towards him, the first one out of the whole evening, and take a seat next to him in the corner of your terrace, sighing to yourself.

“You actually came,” you note, seeing as he turns to you and furrows his eyebrows at you in confusion.

“Should I not have? I mean, by the text you sent me, it seemed like you wanted me here, but if I misread the situation, I can go…” he snickers, teasing you just the slightest as he nudges you to your side.

You hum, shaking your head in disapproval. “No,” you say, “I just… I dunno.”

“Expected me to ignore you?” 

“Kinda,” you admit, snickering.

“Damn,” he giggles, “that’s fair, though. Considering the previous events, and all.”

Rolling your eyes at his composure, finally getting used to the old Chenle– the one that teases you over the smallest things, the one who doesn’t let his emotions show in his face– you watch him as he takes a seat on one of the rattan sofas and you follow him, body slouching next to his, feeling his head gently rest on your shoulder in the mere moment of silence between your two figures.

“Wouldn’t let you leave without seeing you for the last time,” he says, voice quiet and vulnerable, “god knows when I’ll see you again.”

“Chenle–”

“Just because you don’t want to talk about it doesn’t mean it’s not real,” he snickers, already knowing where your words are going– you’re going to try to stop him, tell him you don’t want to think about it right now, on the last evening at your house for the near future. 

“I’d rather not think about that, y’know,” you huff, frustrated. The anxieties of leaving everything behind are clenching on your insides right now, holding you back from moving freely and with enthusiasm, and you wonder– if you knew how this would feel all those months ago– if you knew how terrifying and painful the whole process could be, would you still apply to Yale? Would you still want to go?

“Okay,” he dotes, tone of voice casual, like it’s not a big deal. 

“Okay? Just like that?” you snicker, surprised at how easily he gave the topic up.

“Yeah. Don’t wanna make you sadder.”

Sitting in silence, you realize there’s so many words you’d like to say to him. You’d like to tell him just how much you’re gonna miss him and how you regret ruining the last few months you two had together, and how you’re sorry your feelings scared him to the point where he felt like he had no one to confide in. You’d like to tell him how you built a future with him in your brain, carefully placed him into your reality, only for him to break away from your grasp and go his own way, and how much it hurts, but how you’re always going to support him in whatever he chooses, because you care for him more than your little heart could take. You’d like to tell him how you’re gonna call him every day to check up on him, how you’re gonna send letters and press a secret kiss to each sheet of expensive paper you’ll get downtown, wishing he could feel the essence with the growing distance between you two. You’d like to ask him to visit you often– he’s gonna have more time on his hands, and god knows money’s not the issue. You’d like to selfishly tell him you find it hard to deal with the distance, and how you wish he wouldn’t find somebody else while you’re gone, and how you so dearly hope that somewhere in there, your feelings are silently reciprocated, but hidden away in fear of everything falling apart once again.

But instead, you don’t say anything. You tend to wait for him to speak up first– he’s always had a problem with talking too much in the first place, after all.

And he does– you can still predict his next moves. You know him that well.

“I’m gonna miss you, though,” he sighs, catching you off guard by saying something from the list of your silenced words, “don’t think that I won’t. Or that the way I’ll miss you is different than the way you’re gonna miss me,” he speaks, tone of voice laced in honesty and sincerity, his words heavy with the essence of what he’s never going to say out loud– or so you think.

“In what way?”

“I’m not gonna miss you like a friend misses a friend,” he says, “and I don’t mean the sex,” he snickers, brightening the mood with his comment.

Rolling his eyes at him, you feel him lift his head up from your shoulder, forcing you to look at him and meet his starry eyes again– the damn starry eyes that always make you spill the truth, because god knows you cannot lie to him– and you find yourself scanning his features, the structure of his bones you fear you’re gonna forget when you’re away, so desperately wanting to lock your lips with his for one last time, because when you come back one day, you may not have the right or chance to do so anymore. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks, not a hint of teasing in his voice.

“You know why, Chenle.”

“Can you say it out loud?” he demands, and you shake your head– maybe it's best if the words are left unsaid. Doesn’t matter if they’re hanging in the air, for everyone to read.

“Why?”

“You know how I feel about you,” you snicker, “don’t make me say it out loud.”

Because even if you told him you loved him, it wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t make it all better, it wouldn’t make it all good– no matter how hard you wish that it would. 

“Okay,” he nods, agreeing too fast again– and with that, he smiles, the gesture so soft and sudden, and there you are– you’ve got a caving heart in your open arms, and Chenle takes it, carelessly choking out the hushed confession, “I’m in love with you. If you don’t say it, I’m gonna, because… you deserve to know.”

Heart sinking into your stomach, you watch him, frozen in your place, for a while. Your eyes carefully scan every curve of his face– the curve of his lips, the curve of his cheeks, the hood of his eyes, his brows, the thousand stolen galaxies in his orbs and mouth glistening like honey, inviting you in. Snickering under your breath, you choose to not give in to the temptation.

“You’re only saying that because I’m leaving tomorrow,” you say, shaking your head. 

“Maybe,” he agrees.

And you know that– you know that if you weren’t leaving, he wouldn’t tell you that he loves you. He wouldn’t allow himself to be this vulnerable, he wouldn’t tell you how he feels about you, because he had all this time– all those months and weeks spent with you in his bed, and you know his touches weren’t just shallow desire– and he never once said anything. He didn’t do anything about it, and now that there is nothing more to do about it, nothing that could change the trajectory of either of your lives, he chooses to speak it to the universe; because it doesn’t change anything, it can’t possibly do so– and so he doesn’t have to fear the consequences, he doesn’t have to fear the attachment that comes with such confession.

And for a minute, you think it’s selfish. You think it’s laughable, ironic, even, but you accept it. 

His hand reaches for yours, interlocking your fingers with his when he launches you forward into him, arms gently enveloping your body when your head settles itself to the curve of his shoulder. You stay like this for a while, in his hold again, breathing in his scent and trying to remember it for weeks and months before you’re able to smell it again, letting out a nosy question out of your lips– and truly, you don’t know why you do so, when you know the answer to it already anyway. Maybe you just want to hear it again.

“So… you do have feelings for me too, after all?”

He stays quiet for a while, before he softly laughs into your hair. “Yeah,” he nods, “but it doesn’t matter, ‘cause you’re leaving for Yale tomorrow, aren’t you?”

And he’s right– you are. Thinking for a while, feeling him place a shy peck to the crown of your head– the only kiss you two allow yourselves at this point of time– you come to the conclusion that  even though you love him, care for him like you’ve never cared for another before, you wouldn’t change a thing about your plan– wouldn’t change the trajectory of your whole life, wouldn't stay in Shanghai, wouldn’t drop out of university, wouldn’t stop everything because of him, because in a way, you strangely have it all figured out. 

And he doesn’t.

And you pray that one day, he’ll find the purpose in all the potential he holds in his hands.

#nct dream #chenle #nct #nct x reader #chenle x reader #chenle angst #chenle fluff #chenle oneshot #chenle fic #chenle imagine #chenle fanfic #chenle best friends to lovers #chenle au #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #nct dream x reader #nct fluff #nct angst

[lavender-long-stories]

Writing Advice: Getting Words on a Page

With the 75k word count in November and 90k in August, I have been asked questions like how do I keep focus and what do I do when I get stuck. I am going to compile all the advice I have.

Over the last few years, I have posted 700k+ words of fan fiction and have been posting 3 to 6 chapters every week for the last ten months. This is not how to make your writing better. This is how to get words on a page. 

This is not all my original ideas. This is just a collection of things that have worked for me.

I am not sure I am the person to tell you how to make your writing better, but if people want my thoughts on that. I can make that post too.

When inspiration strikes, write like wild. 

If you have the time and you are bitten by the writing bug, keep writing anything while you are in peak form. You will thank yourself later when you feel like you can’t write everything. I have done the extreme version of this where I have a month (four chapters) written ahead of almost everything on my post schedule (you don’t need this), but this was really nice after I brunt out after finishing out the 90k challenge I destroyed myself with in August.

Write in little pockets of time.

You don’t need to sit down and write for two hours. Write 100 words here and 500 there. It will all add up. When I was struggling at the end of the 75k, I would just open a doc every few hours and write half a page until I got distracted and tried again later.

Change your font.

If you are struggling to edit or even just find yourself drifting while writing, change your font. It helps trick your brain into paying attention. (I like doing a mono font like Courier when I need writing vibes. It looks typewriter-y)

Take a shower. 

Not just for shower thoughts, being clean and fresh helps with focus

Get dressed.

I love being comfy, but something about getting dressed makes me feel like I am working and should finish my task. Extra points for it being fun. (Maybe cosplay a pirate or something.)

Move Locations.

Desk, kitchen table, bed, outside: changing location helps move you out of a brain rut.

Handwrite notes.

I take most of my notes on notion, but when I am struggling with my plot, I write out notes by hand, starting with what happened last and continuing from there, writing even things I know will happen. Then I transfer this to my digital notes so they are easier to move around in order, AND a lot of time, I add details when revising them to digital. Double power.

Always, always write down your thoughts and keep them.

Some of my most popular stories came from me rediscovering a 2 am thought that I wrote down six years ago. Keep a notepad next to the bed if you have to.

Change POV

If something is not working in a scene, maybe it is who you have reacting to it. Try switching POV. It helps you think of the scene from another perspective.

Watch a show in your genre.

I watch a lot of the silliest KDrama’s and get lots of romance ideas. Maybe I didn’t think of sending my character to a park or trapping them in a sky lift. Maybe I should add a stalker that sounds fun.

Take your bathroom breaks.

You should always drink lots of fluids and remember to take your bathroom breaks because the brief moment of walking away always gives me an idea.

Skim through the story and make notes on what HAS happened, not just what will happen.

This helps more with my style of having next to no plot outline. Need your next plot point and don’t know where to go? Remember that time they did x? Let’s build off that. This helps intertwine the plot without losing things.

Just read the story back.

You don’t always need to make notes, but sometimes just reading from the beginning can make you pick up on a detail that was unimportant at the time, and you may not even have meant to put in that could have a lot more meaning now. Then, you can call it clever foreshadowing.  

Explain your problem or the scene you are struggling with out loud.

It doesn’t have to be to someone. It could be a glass of water. This is called ‘rubber ducking. It’s a programmer term (hello, that is my day job). Restructuring your problem in a way you have to articulate it most of the time makes the solution come to you.

Try focusing on the scenery.

If you can’t get a scene to work open with the weather or how the floor is creaking under step, give the world a new feeling. How does the person feel about the weather or the temperature of the room? 

Can’t figure out what is wrong? Rewrite the chapter from scratch. 

Open a new doc and rewrite the chapter from memory. I do this a lot in the beginning of a story that didn’t quite hit the way I wanted it to. I will start the chapter from memory and skim the old one to ensure I didn’t miss anything important. Can’t do it from memory? Read a paragraph and write that from memory. 

Take a left turn.

Sometimes, if you can’t go any further, go back a sentence, a paragraph, a scene, a chapter, and just make a different decision. Turn left instead of right. Change how someone reacts to an argument. It opens a whole new lane to go down.

Excited for a scene that is in the future?

Write it! You don’t have to use it word for word in the future. Sometimes, you can copy and paste it in, and sometimes, you can just rewrite it, and you lose none of those thoughts you originally had.  Writing it might remind you of something that needs to happen first to help you get there.

Have more than one story you are working on.

I don’t think you need to be working on four+ stories like I do, but having something to switch to when your brain really isn’t feeling your main is a great way to keep you writing. Call it productive procrastination. This is the REAL reason I have so many stories uploading.  (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

Other Somewhat Related Advice

Context Switching

I work on multiple projects at a time, and I tend not to mix them up because they have a different vibe to me. It feels like stepping into each world.  If you are struggling with context switching between stories, I suggest finding a song or making a playlist that gives you that story’s ‘vibe’ and keeping a link to it in your writing folder or snagging a section of your story that captures the vibe you are going for and keeping it off to the side to reread when you need to switch.

Don’t edit the same day you write.

You’re not going to catch errors. Your brain is too familiar with what you wrote. Also, I recommend Grammarly or another grammar checker for all your missing comma and period needs. (Word, Docs, and any other text editor simply won't bully you enough.)

If you hate editing, don’t leave yourself with a painful amount of editing.

When people ask me how I edit my work, how many passes I take, etc, I tend to disappoint them. The short answer is one read-through (after using a grammar checker).  I learned a LONG time ago that as much as it would be nice to write a bunch of dialog and then tell yourself you will go back to add all the actions or write without quotes because it takes time, you will save yourself a lot of time and pain if you learn to write it correctly the first time and then editing won’t be as much of a chore. I have been writing for years, and I am used to how I write and edit. If you are newer to writing, give it another pass or two, but try to shift some of that work to the writing process, not the editing process.

Make yourself an editing cheat sheet.

Make yourself a doc or a notion of words you notice you use too much or common words you misspell when writing.  I usually make one when I get back and do a post edit (when the story has been up for a while and I get back with fresh eyes and edit it). Reading through your old work and find things that you don’t like or don’t want to do anymore is a great way to build this list and improve your writing.

Now go write.

Got any advice for me? Reblog and tell me.

#writing problems #writing #writing tips #writers block #writing advice #writer #writing community #writeblr

[tinysweetflour]

Kdrama that should have been bls

FIRST UP- MATCH MADE IN HELL

Hell is other people - calls him darling, protects him from *evil* people, keeps him company, makes him a custom bracelet. Need I say more. his girlfriend and him had 0 chemistry. because all the chemistry was between him and the *weird dentist who seems to be too much in me*. and *weird dentist* was not afraid to show his love outwards. if only we could them being reciprocated. but he loved him. so much so that he turns into him. would have been a perfect murder couple.

Psychopath diary- another attempt at trying to turn his boyfriend into him. even does all of the preparations . but his boyfriend is too dumb. always love the part where he shows off his special interest in his boyfriend. CEO!?!?!! with a measly employee. and the way he gets jealous when his boyfriend has other plans. would have been the psychopath and his cute boyfriend. but only some people know what kind of a person he can be *wink wink*.

The merciless- unlike the previous ones. this one did not need to MAKE his boy. he already came with the preparations. he just needed to tame him. but went too far with a brat and paid the price. (seems like im siwan has a thing for gay-coded roles. and unlike the others the direction of this film did say that the characters were written as having a romantic relationship but changed it in the end to avoid criticism. F*ck homophobes.)

Beyond evil- (haven't seen but know its gay) seems like all my favorite boys are gay-coded. not that i'm complaining. If Hollywood was brave enough and artsy enough during those buddy cop movies we would get something like this.

The devil judge- (haven't seen but know its gay) f*ck world. I just wanna be a malewife to the dictator in a dystopian world.

#korean drama #kdrama #kdrama recommendations #kdrama review #hell is other people #psychopath diary #the devil judge #beyond evil

[rissalei]

txt recommendations

》 key! ☆ favorite ○ 18+ ◇ completed □ discontinued </3

◇☆ taste of something new by jjunis! i have reread this so often, and it's my goto smau soobin fic

take a hint by ctrlaltsoob! so so so cute! i can't wait for it to get continued

pls ignore how i am a heavy soobin bias

◇ apple cider by 02chois! i enjoyed the pining, and the slight angst

◇ drama by btxtreads! was really cute! loved the concept

ring my alarm by iichaeyj! what the kdrama should have been

utopia by wooyukh! another soobin, but i recemember it being cute!

☆□ ghosting by jjunis! i love pining bro; got discontinued and now i'm heartbroken

☆◇ copycinno by fairybinie! SO CUTE OMG I LOVED IT!

kiss, don't tell by fairybinie! i'm enjoying the enemies to lovers kind of dynamic so far!

◇ the love whisperer by minastras! very sweet and wholesome!

interlude by hyukablush! so far so sweet! i love love love this kind of story

glimpse of us by soakjun! exes to lovers hehehehe

◇ all for a bet by jjunieworld! ngl this is one of my FAVORITE tropes- the pining is <3 highly recommend (some characters make you violent tho)

this love spiral by yeonboy! it's so cute so far! i enjoy the dynamics!

◇ spots on! by h00nerz! ... in honor of the miraculous ladybug movie- i love this

part time problem turned full time lover by channoticedmeuwu! ENEMIES TO LOVERS PLEASEEE

love song by bgomtori! bro this is only 8 chapters rn and i'm already teeheeing and giggling :)) love the whole "helping her love again" sobbing

i'll add more as i read! please send me recs as well 🙏🏻 i read written as well, but i didn't have some in my likes so i will add those as i find them

#txt #txt smau #txt social media au #soobin smau #yeonjun smau #taehyun smau #beomgyu smau #hueningkai smau #txt smau recs #txt social media au recs

[dramadramallama]

just finished jazz for two and honestly... not bad! the acting's really nice, even if the writing falls short at times. there were some really good moments, and the tension really worked. i was like, INVESTED.

i'm living for the longer episodes; they're only 30 minutes long, but i remember the 6-7 mins (not counting the opening+closing credits) we mostly got--and still get sometimes. i'm sensing a change and i'm all for it. now if only they could use those 30 minutes efficiently.......

the biggest flaw i think comes from the "fake-depth" of the characters. instead of intelligently suggesting/implying stuff to 1. save some time 2. let the audience interpret things on their own--they spend a lot of time on unnecessary scenes and off-screen narration (my biggest enemy in kdramas) to give the illusion of substance. it's not so much that's there too much telling, and not enough showing, it's more like there's too much showing for things that should have been told instead (and vice versa.)

all that time could have been spend on more casual scenes to show the character's personalities and their relationships. y'know, get some real depth. nothing crazy, just a few details here and there, to highlight important characteristics, and show why they act the way they do.

jun-ha was really interesting, and the dynamic he had with do-yoon's happy-go-lucky character was kinda nice. the actors did really well. but he was written like they didn't who he was at all, like they just needed an archetype to fill up an empty space. what was the deal with his sister exactly? she was so normal compared to him lmao. why was he so interested in se-heon at first? his borderline sexual harassment was way more incriminating that whatever he had going on with do-yoon, so why panic over a lil smooch? i think they both would have done it justice if their relationship had been explored more.

similarly, we mostly see tae-yi's prickly side, even when he's hanging with his (only?) friend, do-yoon. why not show why they get along so well? or why do-yoon likes him so much that he doesn't seem bothered by his moody temperament? do-yoon didn't even know he had a dead older brother lol, like... what kind of friends were they exactly? they also could have spent some more time showing exactly why and how se-heon falls for tae-yi. like even though i totally bought it (they were cute!), at least sell it to me a little? it was almost like there was no transition from the frenemies tension-filled moments and the first kiss. it's nice that they got to the top of the stairs but they missed a few steps and almost tripped lol.

but hey, they got there in the end!

Trope Tally:

new guy at school

heavy rain + umbrella sheltering and sharing

guys slamming other guys against walls

unavoidable bed sharing + bonus "i hate you" (*cuddles you when asleep*) + double combo "i sleep better around u"

slow mo falls (+bonus lying on top of each other)

past trauma (+bonus orphan)

controlling parent (+bonus RICH controlling parent)

cool uncle

everyone's kinda gay lol

the power of music AND LOVE

light hurt/comfort (and YOU get beat up, and YOU get a slight cut on your hand, and YOU get also beat up!)

noble idiocy (+bonus unnecessary break up)

jerk with a heart of gold (x2)

sunshine/tsundere pairing (... x2)

#jazz for two #kbl #korean bl

[junjiie]

리키 ✶ ⠀ LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! ⠀ SHEN QUANRUI

장 13 ⠀ . . . . ⠀ gay loser

⠀⠀ ᶻᶻᶻ ⠀ ( ⠀ written! ⠀ wc 1.8k ★ ⠀ )

to say ricky was nervous was the understatement of the year. the century, maybe, if he wanted to over exaggerate. he was currently standing and staring at your front door in silence, phone still clutched in one hand while he raised the other to knock—before remembering you told him you’d unlock it, and letting it drop back to his side uselessly.

he was still wondering how to go about it—confessing, that was. perhaps he should’ve done some reading up on the subject beforehand, or at least watched some fast-burn, too-messy-for-their-own-good college kdramas with more clichés than he could count on one hand, because, to put it plainly, quanrui was clueless.

should he just.. drop it into conversation with no prior warning? get it over with? he tried to imagine how that would play out in his head, hoping you wouldn’t choose that moment to take a look out of the window and see him still standing there, just staring aimlessly at your door. how’ve you been? have you eaten yet? your hair looks nice tonight. oh—and, by the way, i think i’m in love with you. do you wanna watch a movie?

ricky shuddered in horror at his own hypothetical scenario. better not. he took a deep breath, and then a few more for good measure, and decided to take it one step at a time. first, he had to actually go inside.

so go inside he did, opening the door and slowly toeing his shoes off at the entrance, tucking his phone back into his pocket and calling out for you.

“n/n? uh—i’m here.”

you didn’t take long to appear, shooting him with a smile that he was half-sure made his heart skip more than a few beats in his chest. “ricky! come in, idiot, why’re you just standing there?”

“r-right. sorry.”

the stutter in his words made him want to take a quick detour to your tiny balcony and take a running jump off of it. he found himself almost wishing he never realised how he felt for you, because why the fuck was he stuttering? he’d known you for most of his life, seen you at your worst and vice versa, and now all because of a few weird feelings he was reduced to a stuttering mess. if gyuvin was here, he would most definitely be keeled over laughing at him, holding his sides and probably calling him a gay loser through his cackles. or something along those lines, at least. he thanked the lord gyuvin was nowhere to be seen.

he followed you through to your living room and tried to force himself to relax on the way there, repeating sentences that started off as sort of encouraging, meant to cheer himself on (he’s been your best friend since forever, even if he doesn’t feel the same he’ll laugh it off and it’ll be fine, you’ll be fine, nothing will change) but slowly morphed into someone—that sounded suspiciously like zhang hao—telling him to hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. and change your profile picture, before i lose it and try to kill you in a moon taeil induced rage. 

“so.” you began, flopping down onto your sofa and pulling a cushion into your lap, resting your elbows on it to prop your head on your hands. “why did you wanna come over?”

ricky felt a teasing comment rise up and let it flow, raising his head to smirk at you as he relaxed into the soft material behind him. teasing was easy, came to him naturally when it was with you. it helped with the nerves, if only a little.

“what, do you not want me here? your best friend? gosh, n/n, i’m hurt.”

you rolled your eyes and reached for another cushion, this time to throw at him. “yah! you know that’s not what i meant. just tell me.”

he relented and fiddled with the cushion’s tassels just for something to do, praying his voice wouldn’t do something like shake (or worse, break) and give him away before he met your eyes. “i have something to tell you.”

brightening, you leaned forward a little, smile spreading over your lips again. “really? me too! you first, though. floor’s yours.”

hooray. he couldn’t delay it any longer, then. this was it. he kind of wished this was one of those too-messy-for-their-own-good college kdramas, and that he was being played by actor far less nervous than he currently was, because then he could just say something like ‘i’ve wanted you since the first day we met,’ and you’d look up at him like he was some sort of fairytale prince, and you’d kiss with firework sound effects playing in the background and sparkles erupting everywhere, and then it would timeskip to the next morning where you’d be cuddling in bed.

but it wasn’t, so he had to grow a pair and just do it.

a beat passed. then two. you were still staring at him, eyes wide with your curiosity. fuck it.

“yn. i really—like, really really—like you. have for a while, i think. but i only realised it a little bit ago. so. um.”

so. um. never let it be said shen ricky didn’t have a way with words. he was bracing himself for your inevitable rejection, eyes flitting from the framed pictures on your walls and the blank screen of your tv while he awaited your response. jumped in his place when he felt both of your hands taking one of his in its hold. when he looked back at you, your smile was wider than before, full-on grinning at him with shining eyes. 

“that’s good, then.” was what you started with, leaning closer with every word that left your lips. “because i really—like, really really—like you too.”

his heart stopped dead in his chest for a moment. another beat passed. a fourth. witnesses would’ve said his voice took on an embarrassingly high pitch when he replied (more a squeak than anything) if there were any, but it was just you and him in your living room with little space between you. yn and ricky. how it’d been since, like, forever.

“oh. that’s—that’s cool. that we like each other.”

the sound of your laugh ringing out beside him, so close he could almost feel your breath on his skin, brought heat to his cheeks. you were a lot closer than he’d anticipated when he next chanced a look at you, and the grin was starting to look more like a smirk. which, really, could mean nothing good.

“mm, it is. can i.. try something?”

ricky nodded. he’d probably let you do just about anything to him right now, but he didn’t exactly want to tell you that out loud. the embarrassment might kill him, and dying two minutes after finding out that you liked him back would probably be the worst thing that could ever happen to him. his mind was still wondering what the ‘thing’ you wanted to try could possibly be when suddenly he was being gently tugged closer, closer, closer, and then you were kissing him. hands in his hair, eyes closed, most likely expecting him to do something like kiss back, instead of sitting in complete and utter shock like a fucking loser.

gay loser, gyuvin taunted him from the back of his mind. he gave mind-gyuvin the middle finger and tried his hardest to reciprocate, praying that you didn’t pull back, make a face, declare he was the worst kisser you’d even seen, and then kick him out of your house.

quanrui felt dizzy when you finally parted, lips slick with spit and vision swimming a little bit. you smiled lazily back at him, hands slung around his neck and looking very much like the cat that got the cream. he wanted to pull you back in again, but was stopped by the next words that left your mouth.

“wait. before we do anything else. do you want, like, labels? i’m fine with just keeping it casual if you are.” your own nerves seemed to creep out a little, biting at your lower lip and idle hands playing with the back of his shirt while you waited for him to respond.

“i wanna be your boyfriend.” it was out of his mouth before he could stop it, the floodgates opening as he said the things that his friends would probably all point and laugh at him for when he would be forced to retell the story later. “like, so fucking bad, oh my god.”

your eyes lit up again. you were so pretty, he wanted to die.

“huh. that’s funny, ‘cause i wanna be your boyfriend too. we’re really in sync tonight.”

his brain just about rewired, and he felt almost overwhelmed by the colossal amount of emotions that hit him like a truck. his hands moved to your hips and he squeezed, not hard enough to hurt but just enough so he could feel your skin under his hands, reminding him that this was not in fact a dream, that you were in fact in front of him and grinning and sparkling and you were his boyfriend. boyfriend! ricky felt like a bottle of coke after someone had dropped a mento into it, fizzing up and ready to explode. you only laughed at his dumbstruck face, cupping his too-hot cheeks and pressing a loud kiss to his forehead. he was sputtering again, hands flailing and mind a mess.

“how do we—what are—should we tell the others?”

you pulled back to think, pulling his legs over your lap to drum your fingertips over them as you thought about it. a slightly evil smile came over your face when you finally came to an answer, and you beckoned him closer so you could whisper in his ear despite it only being the two of you in the room.

“yeah. lets go all out too, yeah? jungwonnie said we were going to be obnoxious together, so we might as well prove him right. you know—matching profile pictures, contacts, wallpapers, playing up the pda just to piss them off.”

it sounded perfect, and he said so without much restraint. he got another kiss as a reward, and he thought for a moment that it would be nice if he could stay like this forever. unfortunately for him your expression then turned into something more calculated, and you reached for your phone to pull up your notes app.

“alright, boyfriend, let’s get to work! operation make-them-regret-this has officially begun.”

dumb smile lighting up his face at the title, quanrui complied with no complaints. there was practically no space between you as you pressed together on the sofa, heads bent over your phone as you came up with more and more ways to be the most insufferable couple on earth, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

maybe he could change his taeil profile picture now, seeing as it looked like you preferred him over the idol anyway.

m.list⠀ ★ ⠀previous⠀ ☆ ⠀next

jj 👻 ˚⊹ .ᐟ ⠀ Ermmmmm. im logging out and blowing up

taglist ˚⊹ .ᐟ ⠀ @mangowonyo @wave2love @rickyvinn @deafeningtyrantmilkshake @i-yeseo @mins-fins @so2uv (Uhhhhh... hi bsfs... no one look at me is this awful)

💬 — Signing Off . . . ⠀ junjiie!

#the real main character is moon taeil #ALSOOO its my bday tmr so probably no update #⠀ 💤 ⠀ 사랑 사랑 사랑 ⠀? #zerobaseone #zerobase1 #zb1 #zb1 smau #ricky #shen ricky #shen quanrui #zb1 ricky #zerobaseone ricky #ricky x reader #shen ricky x reader #shen quanrui x reader #quanrui x reader #zb1 ricky x reader

[juneviews]

Women in general don’t get enough love and respect. Can you please list your favorite female-driven shows or name some of your favorite actresses so I can look them up and watch some of their shows or movies? Thank you <3

yes yes YES I absolutely can!!!

FEMALE-DRIVEN SHOWS:

p.s. I hate you: so this show hasn’t ended yet but I absolutely love it. not only is the writing, acting & cinematography on point, but it’s an amazing female-led show. in fact it might be my favorite female-led show ever?? it allows its female characters to all be messy & deeply flawed, yet the audience still roots for them bc they’re all humanized as well. their interpersonal relationships are also super well developed & this show is just a pleasure to watch, especially since it’s very much pro-women and deals with topics like sa & mental health extremely well compared to other shows. couldn’t recommend it more!

wake up chanee: more focused on comedy, wake up chanee is a great show to portray female friendship. it’s one of the funniest thai comedies & has very interesting and fully fleshed out characters. it’s not the best show ever but it will always stay to me one of the most iconic earlier thai dramas & I love it very much :) (do not watch the sequel though!)

sleepless society insomnia: despite having multiple characters it focuses on, this is definitely a female-led show since its main character is a woman & the other female main characters are imo much more explored & complex than the male characters. this is also one of my favorite underrated thai dramas & I couldn’t recommend it more in general!

the debut: so the debut is one of the most underrated thai dramas out there despite being one of my absolute favorites. with a mostly female cast, it’s an investigation into a t-pop girl group with lots of plot twists & gritty stuff. it’s a really, really well done show, and what’s interesting is that you don’t even really root for the main character by the end of the show. it’s just one of the most innovative thai dramas out there imo & everyone should watch it!

who are you: even though this is a kdrama remake so technically it’s not really a thai story, this show is a really good female-led story. there are male characters in the show but they definitely take a backseat for the female characters to shine, particularly those played by namtan & jan. also most people who have seen the original kdrama prefer the thai version so like... I’d definitely recommend!

girl next room: a romantic series centering female characters. it’s super cute, really light & the romances work really well, while also dealing with different deeper topics like depression, anxiety, inferiority complex & oversexualization.

daughters: this show sadly disappointed me with its few last episodes, but it’s still definitely one of the best female-led shows. it deals with many incredibly interesting topics around young women like oversexualization, and has very well written characters. it could’ve been one of my all time favorite shows if it didn’t fumble the bag with the ending, but it’s still a good show and extremely well excuted otherwise.

the comments: mini-series that mostly focuses around female characters who are multi-dimensional and very well acted. it’s not the most revolutionary series out there but it’s still really good imo!

46 days: while 46 days is a romance, for me the show mostly focuses on the two main characters, yingying & noina, and their friendship as well as their quest for love. it’s a really good example of female bond & friendship in a romcom and this show is in general very good :)

the underclass: this show is 99% women so it really fits the definition of female-led haha. it’s the female equivalent of blacklist, but definitely better. I especially loved the friendships in it, and while it is a pretty childish show at times & far from one of my favorites, it’s still very enjoyable.

secret seven: a woman with 7 suitors, so in terms of ratio there is definitely more male characters than female in this show, yet the female characters are definitely more developed and focused on, and there’s also a focus on friendship as well. it’s a really cute show despite me not liking who she ends up with lol!

the judgement: this isn’t really a show I would recommend bc it’s pretty fucked up & not necessarily greatly executed, but this is definitely a show that focuses on its 2 out of 3 main female characters a lot, and it also deals with a topic that women especially have learned to fear since basically birth. so if you can stomach it, give it a try. but I wouldn’t really recommend it, though I still wanted to include it in this list.

girl from nowhere: while nanno is more of a supernatural entity than a human girl, this show is still deeply feminine in both the issues it tackles and its focus on female characters. it’s also a must watch if you’re a thai drama fan in general!

shows with non female characters that still center women: 3 will be free, angel beside me, bad genius (both the movie & series), I hate you I love you, friend zone, mama gogo, remember 15

MY FAVORITE THAI ACTRESSES:

mild lapassalan: not only is she definitely one of the best actresses out there & insanely pretty, but I love how she chooses a variety of different roles, from a sex worker on the run in 3 will be free, an sa victim in the judgement, a literal fucking ghost in happy birthday to crazy fun romantic girls in girl next room & 46 days. she has the best range imo <3

pat chayanit: so I'm a simp for pat bc not only is she absolutely gorgeous on top of being a great actress, but she's been in my favorite show of all time, project s: sos, that has literally changed my entire life. I also think her acting style is quite different from pretty much everyone else & feels very natural, and I LOVE her ig page where she creates memes out of her every day life.

namtan tipnaree: once again, she’s beautiful & an incredible actress, but also I love her personality! she just seems so down to earth & sassy and I just feel like she’d be the best friend ever :)

jan ployshompoo: I’ve loved jan for a long, long while. like all of the other girlies in this list, she is gorgeous & has great acting skills, but she’s also literally the thai actress I’ve seen in the most shows. hell, she was in sotus, my first thai show ever, playing a lesbian icon! so yeah, not only does she often take on queer roles which I love, this woman is just good vibes, she’s so down to earth, so fun & so lovely, and seeing her literally always puts a smile on my face :)

jennie panhan: though jennie hasn’t had many opportunities to show off her acting, her role in 3 will be free was absolutely great & I still hope we can get more roles in this vein from her! she’s also ALWAYS slaying like... the outfits, makeup & hair are always on point <3 and she’s just so lovely & funny, idk how you couldn’t love jennie!!!

aye sarunchana: I LOVE aye so much!!! not only is she a great actress & an amazing singer, she seems like just SUCH a sweet person <3 I love her lives on ig too, and I hope she gets more famous soon bc she truly deserves it!

ciize apichaya: ciize is SUCH a cutie!!! not only do I love her style & outfits and find her super beautiful, but I honestly think she’s great actress who hasn’t gotten enough opportunities to show off her acting yet. I want to see more from her bc I just KNOW the material is there!!!

gigie sarocha: ugh, gigie is just my crush, I’m sorry. this woman is so beautiful & random af but I love how she speaks thai as a non thai-woman, I find her cadence when speaking thai so cute!!! I also think she’s a good actress but I wanna see her in more serious roles & would love to see her in a very intense, emotional scene soon!

film rachanun: film has captured my attention since her role in the debut. she clearly is a great actress & has been since she entered the industry, but I also love that she chooses very challenging & different roles every time. she has clearly wanted to push her acting further since the very beginning and I love that for her. from all the newbies I’ve seen, she’s honestly the actress I have the most expectations for :)

other actresses I love: ployphat phatchatorn, lookjun bhasidi, preen ravisrarat, mook worranit, jane ramida, kapook phatchara, neen suwanamas, puimek napasorn

xxx

#answers #thai dramas #thai actresses #ps: I hate you #wake up chanee #sleepless society: insomnia #the debut #who are you #girl next room #daughters #the comments #46 days #the underclass #secret seven #the judgement #girl from nowhere #mild lapassalan #pat chayanit #namtan tipnaree #jan ployshompoo #jennie panhan #aye sarunchana #ciize apichaya #gigie sarocha #film rachanun #tw flashing lights

[killerandhealerqueen]

Sass's 2023 Drama Awards

Following in Jina's (@tytangfei) footstep, I too have a 2023 drama award! (I started doing the drama awards after seeing hers, so it's only fair that I give credit where credit is due)

Anyways, without further ado...here are my drama awards! Explanations of each category/drama under the cut!

Best Overall

Best Overall CDrama: My Journey to You

I'm honestly surprised I loved this drama as much as I did. I loved everything about it, from the characters to the plot (we're ignoring the last five minutes), the costumes...just everything. Loved it, loved it, loved it

Best Overall JDrama: Bokura no Sokutaku

I loved the manga and I loved how they adapted this into a live action. I also loved the actors, especially Tane...felt exactly like how he thought he would and Minoru's dad...oh, loved him. Everyone was perfectly casted, the story was well done (with lovely additions that weren't in the original manga)...and the food looked absolutely delicious

Best Overall Kdrama: The Uncanny Counter 2

Gotta love my Uncanny Counter team. I actually really liked this season and the villains...overall, a very good drama. Love my little family

Most Delightful/Fun Drama

Most Delightful CDrama: Order of the Sommelier/A League of a Nobleman

The way I shrieked with laughter while watching Order of the Sommelier...and A League of a Nobleman...I love me some shenanigans and these idiots were full of them (fond)

Most Delightful JDrama: Bokura no Shokutaku

Tane was just absolutely delightful, as a child should be, and I really loved him. He brightened up the drama when it got too heavy/serious and it was a good balance

Most Delightful KDrama: The Uncanny Counter 2

Yeah, I laughed a lot with them. They're dorks and I love them

Most Impactful Drama

Most Impactful CDrama: My Journey to You/Stand by Me

Yeah, My Journey to You...it hit me in the feels. Had me crying at fucking 3 am and no drama has made me do that since Killer and Healer, so it goes here. Stand by Me also had me in my feels, just like Killer and Healer so it also goes here

Most Impactful JDrama: Bokura no Shokutaku

I definitely shed a tear or two with drama, especially during the scene where Minoru's dad and Yutaka talk about Minoru's mom and love as well as the scene where Yutaka talks to his older brother about how he made him feel unwelcome when he was younger and how he was hurt by that and what not. This drama had a lot of good, heartfelt and impactful scenes

Most Impactful KDrama: The Uncanny Counter 2/Evilive

The Uncanny Counter always has been an impactful drama and this season did not hold back on the angst. Evilive...jesus this drama was impactful from the first five fucking minutes. But it was a good drama

Most Unexpected Drama

Most Unexpected CDrama: Four way tie between My Journey to You/Pledge of Allegiance/Love is Written in the Stars/Desire Catcher

My Journey to You was unexpected because of all of the twists that you don't see coming...you think the story is going one way and then it turns around and shows you that you were completely wrong

Pledge of Allegiance was unexpected just because of the characters and their backstory and the overarching case (which I love. I love overarching cases)

Love is Written in the Stars was unexpected mainly because of the ending. I enjoyed the drama but the ending came out of fucking left field (but not in a Killer and Healer way)

Desire Catcher was unexpected because of the overarching case and how everything just tied together. It was unexpected in a good way. And I enjoyed it

Most Unexpected JDrama: Gifted

Gifted was unexpected in the way they solved the cases and the backstory of one of the main characters as well as his powers. I wasn't expecting it, but I enjoyed it

Most Unexpected KDrama: The Uncanny Counter 2/Evilive

The Uncanny Counter was unexpected this season because of the villains as well as the stakes...they were way fucking raised as well as how their powers worked this time...very unexpected and very stressful

Evilive was unexpected in how...fucking dark it got. And how tragic it was. My god, we knew the ending was gonna be tragic but holy shit

Best Soundtrack

Best Soundtrack CDrama: My Journey to You

This soundtrack fucking slaps and you cannot tell me otherwise

Best Soundtrack JDrama: Bokura no Shokutaku

Jdramas always have really good osts so I'm not surprised I enjoyed the soundtrack for this one

Best Soundtrack KDrama: The Uncanny Counter 2

Again, the Uncanny Counter always has good music

Best Costume Design

Best Costume CDrama: My Journey to You/Love is Written in the Stars

The costumes in these dramas were just so pretty, especially My Journey to You. I also loved Love is Written in the Stars because they made Patrick Quan look like a fucking fairy and they put Ian in the prettiest green robes I have ever seen, like he looks so god damn pretty

Best Costume JDrama: As Long As We Both Shall Live

Oh yeah, the costumes in this drama fucks hard. The kimonos and the yukatas and the police uniforms? Oh, they fuck severely

Best Costume KDrama: The Uncanny Counter 2

The outfits in this drama were amazing and I'm glad they got an upgrade from their red tracksuits. I much prefer the black tracksuit, honestly

Favorite Drama from Any Year

Favorite Drama from Any Year CDrama: Killer and Healer (2021)

The day this drama gets knocked out of this position is the day I fucking die, honestly. No drama can replace this drama

Favorite Drama from Any Year JDrama: Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna (2022)

I love this lesbian short drama and I'm so excited that they're making a season two, oh my god

Favorite Drama from Any Year KDrama: The Fiery Priest (2019)

I love this drama, it was my first introduction to dramas and it's just so god damn funny

So, what were y'alls top dramas this year? Let me know! I'd love to hear about them

#2023 drama awards #my favorite dramas of the year

[tenderlywicked]

Wanna do the a03 wrapped thing? Because you should be! Here are some things I would personally love to know (doesn't have to be for 2023): 

- favorite title (for a work or chap) 

- what relationship are you excited to explore next year? 

- what do you listen to while writing 

- fav line written this year, whether it's published or not 

- biggest surprise while writing this year?

 and anything bts with the writer you want to add!

Oh, I absolutely do - and I'm glad you're interested :)

If you mean someone else's title, it's "Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach" by Nmm because it's unusual, which caught my attention :) As for my own titles, it's probably "Sense of Innocence" (it's an old one, though).

I still have two unfinished Beyond Evil fics, so it looks like Lee Dong Sik and Han Joo Won will accompany me next year too :) Besides, I've recently plunged into Good Omens, Doctor Who and Broadchurch fanfiction, no idea what comes of it, but something might, especially because I like crossovers.

I usually listen to music while reading, but not while writing because if it's good, it distracts me :) But a lot of my favorite songs either have been discovered through fanvids or come from kdrama soundtracks. The only fic that has a matching song is "The Rest of Your Life (In Pain)" - it's Sweet Dream from Blind OST. It's both soothing and creepy.

I think my fav line is almost always the last line of each fanfic because it means that yes, yes, yes, I finally finished it :)

I was surprised (and delighted) to get very positive feedback on the fics written for very, very, very small fandoms. It's nice to know someone else is just as obsessed with the characters you can't stop thinking about :)

#ao3 wrapped #good omens #doctor who #beyond evil #blind kdrama

[lolotheparagon]

Youre post about stella helluva boss i really liked it. If Vivziepop want stella to be both villain and abuser she need to do a better job

Like ok we gonna have female villain both abuser and villain ok but what we have is just one dimensional villain who written to be abusive in order to justified and make stolas look good. Beside her being terrible villain, her portrayal as abuser is problematic her line said "I like tormenting you." No real life abuser would said something like that. They make her like she's abusive from birth which another problem. When it's come to abuser do not ever write them as someone who's pure evil and emotionless monster. Disney villain can be over the top yet their portrayal of abuser come much more accurate hell even some of the female character in helluva boss like loona, verosika, barbie they are far much more accurate portrayal of abuser than stella did. Yet interestingly enough in the fandom fans hated stella very much then what about the hate for verosika, loona, barbie they actually done far worse than stella did.

Judge frollo he's a villain and abuser complex too

Lady tremaine and mother gothel their motivation is not really strong or complex however they still manage to be terrifying both as villain and abuser

So i watch the kdrama the glory and let me tell you something. Park Yeon Jin the main villain and the bully is stella character could have been if being handle by the right people

So glory plot is about a woman name Moon Dong Eun planning revenge against her high school bullies. When she report the bullies she's being victim blamed, psyhically assaulted, the bullying left psyhical and mental scar on her. Since the bullies most come from rich family the school doesn't do anything to punish them

If you interested go watch it on netflix they have part 1 and part 2

Tw this k drama contain bullying, SA, domestic violence,

Abusers are bullies. They both the same mentality and both love to have power over people to make themselves feel better about themselves. To say you should never characterise them as pure evil or emotionless is not only stupid but horribly wrong. Some of the best villains who are abusers like Lady Tremaine or Mother Gothel are cartoonishly evil. They are horrible people with no sympathetic attributes whatsoever. And that’s why we remember them so much. They are all childishly pathetic which is why Stella is like this.

It’s not Stella being portrayed as cartoonishly evil abusive spouse that’s the problem, it’s the fact she’s only like that just to push the narrative of Stolas being this precious baby who didn’t do anything wrong in his life and had to deal with an abusive wife for years all because of keeping up the illusion of a happy family. If Stolas had his pilot personality or if Stella was a villain unrelated to Stolas, that would be fine. But she’s literally used as a vector to make Stolas look much better than he actually is. Stolas has not only been a neglectful dad to Octavia but has also participated in an unhealthy SA-riddled power imbalance relationship with a lower class commoner for the sake of finding a sexual outlet.

Vivzie clearly loves Stolas, she’s put so much focus on him being a depressed millennial dad instead of the sneering, domineering demon we saw in the pilot (Btw we don’t even SEE pilot Stella’s personality, all we see is a cameo of her looking shocked at Blitz for falling out of the bedroom) so she can push the Stolitz ship to be endgame, so her and her audience can forget the sexually coercive and power imbalance both Blitz and Stolas have in the first place so they can simp away guilt free.

Stella herself being this entitled evil bitch is fine, the fact she was only characterised this way to make Stolas look good is not. And she doesn’t even get to be that menacing anyway cos every time she tries to be threatening is either diffused for comedic effect or have someone else be in control and make her the pawn like with Andreaphelus. The only time I thought she was genuinely threatening was the balcony scene in the Circus episode. But even then, it’s quickly negated by an off-screen divorce.

She’s just not a very well-written villain or a character for that matter.

[theheightofdishonor]

there were so many trailers that I just wanted to jot down thoughts

ossan's love- I never got into the og, never got into the remake, it's unlikely that i'll watch this unless it has glowing reviews after it ends and maybe not even day

leap day- it looks interesting but also looks bad so we'll see. I love a good symbolic pair but day/night combo has been soured for me due to last twilight. Gun looks like he'll be good. Dew gets a lot of lead roles for someone that I don't think is a good actor.

the heart killers- awww firstkhao getting their romcom! after this, imma need them to do some individual projects though. They're too good to only get pair projects. joongdunk looks fine, casting joong and khao as brothers should be fun.

friendshit forever- I was so intrigued when I thought this was a gl and then far less intrigued later. GMMTV needs to give pat her gl like yesterday. I hate this hair on Boun but i'll still be watching this.

perfect 10 liners- I heard this was 30 eps??? gmmtv clearly has too many actors and pairs then they can handle. still waiting for perthchimon to get a decent story, will not be watching unless I hear its good after it ends.

us- this looks excellenttt. I am cautiously optimistic and hopefully, i'll be over my precious enough that I can appreciate coming of age romances again by the time this airs. The pair looks great, Sing also looks great, i'm definitely watching

Hide & Sis- after the mess that was the jungle, I was ready to nope out of this and then they showed Piploy. No clue if it's good but i'll be watching. Hopefully, it'll be more psihy and less the jungle.

Thame- Po -i do have a weakness for idol romances so watching, yes, the rest of it is unimportant

break up service- reminding me of midnight motel, looks fine but not enough that i'm going to watch it

revamp the undead story - ik I'm out of the loop but I am still surprised that they're already announcing this project. how I feel about it remains to be seen but this is boum's dream production so i'll watch for him if nothing else. Oh actually, one thought- why the fuck did they do that to santa's eyebrows?

sweet tooth, good dentist- I'm delighted to see Mark be the lead. They'll be compelling just because it's ohm and mark and also mark's shown us all year that he can have good chemistry with anyone. Will be watching but am a taddddd bit disappointed that it's such an idk, basic role.

The Dark Dice- didn't expect Gemini to get a solo show, it's wonderful to see Prim again but this looks like Jumanji in a high school setting, skip

The Ex-Morning- clearly written for this specific pairing, the chemistry looks better than sotus but i'm ambivalent on singtokrist so idk yet if I'm going to watch. Currently a skip for me

Scarlet Heart Thailand - It took entirely too long for me to connect this to the kdrama but officially what i'm most excited for. However, this only works out if Nanon's Wang So and Win's Wang Wook in which case it'll be excellent. if Win's Wang So, i'll still watch but I won't be happy about it. Either way, the casting looks absolutely fantastic and thought out. Tu's going to be perfect as Hae Soo.

#gmmtv #thai series

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

EVERY WEEK I WILL POST VARIOUS REVIEWS I’VE WRITTEN SO FAR IN 2024. YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY GOODREADS FOR MORE UP-TO-DATE REVIEWS HERE.

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125. The Dangerous Convenience Store Vol. 1 by 945: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love this trope of a big and older tough guy being a cinnamon roll who wants to make the less tough MC happy, or at least, less sad, even while he's trying to figure himself out. I also like that there's more to this story than just their sexual chemistry. Learning about each character and what makes them tick added a great level of depth to the volume.

And yes, this was a very sexy read--mainly because the chemistry between these two is very, very steamy. I may have devoured this in one reading.

Also, in a weird way, this lowkey felt like I was reading a Kdrama because of the setting, the tough characters, and the friendships surrounding the MC.

Can't wait to check out more volumes in these series as they come out!

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126. The Dangerous Convenience Store Vol. 2 by 945: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Another great volume!

I love seeing the MC's strong spine in this one. Even though he cries often, he's pretty resolute in his decisions--especially when it comes to him finally realizing when something or someone is bad or good for him.

I also loved seeing things from the perspective of the tough love interest because it helped round the story out better for me. I love being able to see how the other party views a situation happening.

This was also another sexy volume, especially as the two characters start to understand each others' needs better. I also LOVE seeing the protective side of this tough guy.

Ugh, love.

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127. Second Chances in Port Stephen by T.J. Alexander: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Normally I'm not a big fan of second chance romances, but this was such a sweet interpretation of that trope. I loved that it was like these two characters were getting to know each other for the first time since one is falling for the other after his transition.

Despite the occasionally miscommunication, I thought that these characters were surrounded by pretty great supporting characters that helped them put things into perspective. I loved watching everyone around them help them grow that re-blossoming of love.

I did also really like the MMC1's parents. They were truly trying their best and had a lot more patience with their son than I would have had. I think the way he was with his parents portrayed how immature he could be. Although he was almost 40, he was acting like a bit of a spoiled teenage boy. Even the way he was with his ex-boyfriend was a bit immature and confusing. But I did appreciate that there is some pretty good (if not a little quick) character growth on his end.

But it's not to say that the other MMC didn't have his own moments where he needed to seriously grow as a character. He needed to find his voice and be more honest about what he was feeling and thinking. He also had a few important moments of needing to understand where his ex-boyfriend was coming from.

Overall, these two DID work well together, but they definitely went through the character growth olympics. This was a cute read with some seriously sweet moments and while it wasn't a five-star read for me, I can definitely see this being someone's favourite read. Also, the daughter was ADORABLE.

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128. Never Let Go Vol. 1 by Saki Sakimoto: ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

NEVER LET GO was a heavier manga, emotionally, with an interesting storyline that move a bit quickly for my liking and should have been a single volume title. I think the story ended pretty well and answered any questions I had.

I did like how much the one character had to fight to be accepted by the other very jaded (justifiably so) main character. My heart broke for him and the experiences he had growing up. I'm glad he finally had someone to help him and show him that he is worth the love.

What took me a while to get used to was the artwork. I don't know what it was, but something about this art style just felt...very AI to me. Like, it lacked personality? Even now as I write this, I'm still put off by that art work. I know a lot of people probably love it, but it felt too...perfect?

Anyway, enjoyed the (cheesy) story! MAYBE I'll check out the second volume when it comes out!

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129. Fruit by Brian Francis: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

FRUIT was such an interesting experience. It brought the reader to a time in the 80s where language was a lot more lax and where a young pre-teen lives in a confusing world full of body shaming, sexuality, and surprisingly humorous curiosity.

While some moments were definitely cringe, I also appreciated the Francis's ability to bring us so thoroughly into the brain of this young boy. I loved the exploration of the sibling and parental relationships, and how toxic sometimes they can be. The relating of these relationships felt like I was reading a chaotic diary. Especially because all of this is being told from the perspective of a young boy.

I think my favourite part of this book is how Francis weaved the queer identity into the story in the subtlest of ways, up until the end when that final sentence acts as that ghost that so many queer youth have haunting them. The exploration of the MC's growing sexuality and fantasies plays into this growing identity that we are witness to. It made me think of my own childhood and all of the confusing things that run through your mind at that age. It is a level of honesty I wasn't expecting, especially because of the potentially unreliable narrator being a young teen.

This was quite the journey and I think it was a great commentary of what it might have been like to be a young queer person in the 80s, who also was struggling with his self-image. A powerful and at times uncomfortable read.

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130. First Down by Grace Reilly: ⭐️⭐️

Ah, this book.

I read this series out of order and started with the second book and tbh, I'm so glad I did. I really, really enjoyed BREAKAWAY. If I'd started this series with this one, I don't know if I'd have picked that one up.

FIRST DOWN started off cute enough. The whole idea of "seeing each other from across the room" was adorable--that has Destiny™️ written all over it--and then sealing it with a kiss? Adorable. But the thing is that the MMC had made a vow to stay away from relationships so he could focus on his career, especially after a messy relationship that almost ruined his future career goals. And I get the whole fated-to-love-you thing, but I wish there had been a bit more push back from him. Like, he caved so quickly. He was punched HARD by that insta-love bug all because she was this cute little blonde.

And then we have FMC who is a little more steadfast in her convictions to stay away from future relationships, but then is in two precarious situations where either her mother is treating her like a wet blanket, or her cheating ex just won't take a hint. Of the two MCs, she was definitely the stronger-willed one.

The insta-romance and the way the MMC was literally repeating the same things that almost screwed him over before started to sour this book for me. And I'm going to be honest, something about the ending really pissed me off, but LOL I CAN'T REMEMBER IT. I just have vague memories of it because it was just...meh. So disappointing.

Listen, if you really want to read any books in this series, definitely do book 2. That one wasn't perfect but it was cute and spicy. I'm sad with this one AND the third book, because I DNFed that one. Welp.

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131. Megumi & Tsugumi, Vol. 1 by Mitsuru Si: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Okay, I wasn't expecting this book to be SO FUNNY.

Bless Tsugumi for his sweet and feisty dumb brain, and Megumi for his stubborn love for Tsugumi. I loved their meeting up immediately and how one character completely knocked the other one down. I do wish we didn't have this trope of "alphas can't control themselves unless omegas take these blockers". It's uncomfortable, but I love that Tsugumi doesn't stand for any of that.

I also loved Tsugumi's family. They're the sweetest and I want him to find that kind of love for himself.

That artwork is gorgeous, too, and I love how expressive the characters were. Mitsuru Si does a fantastic job in portraying their characters.

This is also a very sexy series. That tension between the characters was very well-done.

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132. Megumi & Tsugumi, Vol. 2 by Mitsuru Si: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Sweet and stubborn Tsugumi. Trying to get him to admit any sort of emotion is like pulling hairs, but it's all worth it. Especially in this one when he reacts to a specific situation. While I liked the way he reacted, I hated that the situation went as far as it did. I still love this series, but that whole thing made me very uncomfortable.

And that theme seems to be a trend in this genre.

Also, again, props to Mitsuru Si for their artwork. The fact that Tsugumi's dad looks SO MUCH like him in the side story is WILD. Gotta love those facial expressions lol.

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133. Megumi & Tsugumi, Vol. 3 by Mitsuru Si: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

One of my favourite things about this volume was how Megumi makes Tsugumi really think about his feelings and what they are to each other. Sometimes I want to pat Tsugumi's head because I think he's taken a few too many blows to the head. He is so stubborn, but he at least admits when he doesn't understand something--especially love-related (which is so interesting because his dads have such a cute and romantic relationship).

We're introduced to someone new in this volume and sigh, another similar theme happened in this as in the last volume and I just, one star off for that trope. I hated, hated seeing it, but thankful that it didn't go any further than it did. Plus the AUDACITY of that character. Please.

I devoured this volume. It was shorter than the last two, but held so much story! Props to Tsugumi's adorable little sister, and punches to Megumi's horrible father. Also, the side story continues to be adorable!!

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134. The Idea of You by Robinne Lee: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Three stars because I was hooked, even though this is very clearly a romance based on a very popular music artist (apparently). It was sexy and had some pretty high-emotional moments. I liked their relationship and how these two characters had great chemistry together. I did also love how he treated her with so much care and love.

There were a few things, however, that were big detractors for me. THE IDEA OF YOU read very, very slow. The pacing felt intensely slow and I don't know how since there was always something happening. And considering how quickly the relationship moved, the story lagged.

Everyone and their father had a thing for the MC. She's apparently this sexy vixen of an older woman who has a big issue with her famous younger man's romantic past, but then she turns and flirts without thinking about it--except for a situation that was awkward and made more so by her weird and flirty jabs back at the person? I don't doubt she's beautiful, but there's even a character who hinted at cheating on his wife for her. It was weird.

And her ex. Ooof, let's not get started on her ex. He was such a hypocrite. Listen, I love a great age gap romance that doesn't fetishizes the younger partner and while I don't think this one did that, everyone immediately went to that and had the MC adding to her insecurity about her age and her love interest's age. Ironically, this included her ex who was also marrying a younger woman. And I did appreciate that Lee also comments on the hypocrisy of men marrying younger women and then turning and judging women who do the same with younger men. This is all within reason, of course.

One of the things I WILL say, however, that I enjoyed was how surprisingly spicy this was. I was expecting this to be sexy but not spicy. And the characters' obsessions with their naked bodies. That was fun, especially because of their mutual appreciation for each other.

Now, I'm ending this review with: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THAT ENDING? All of that angst, pain, emotionally turmoil for THAT ENDING? I get that unless I'm in that situation, I'll never fully understand (especially because I'm not a mom), but JFC. I hated that ending so much. I hated it so much to the point where it tainted the rest of the book. It was so cruel and I hate how just because one character is older they think they have it all figured out. UGH.

I don't think I'd be able to watch the movie, especially knowing how the book ended (I wonder if they'll keep the same ending...hmmm).

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Have you read any of these? What were your thoughts?

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Happy reading!

#Reviews of the week #Reviews #Review #book reviews #on books #on reading #book list #booklr #books #read #reading #bookish #features #bookworm #bookaholic #book blogger #book blog #books and reading #booklover #bibliophile #long text post #books read #readers of tumblr

[punchdrunkdoc]

Updated K-drama list (9)

Wow, its been a WHILE since I’ve done one of these! I haven’t watched as many new shows as I’d have liked in the past couple of years (my watchlist is out of control!) but I thought it was time to add them here. Its mostly for my benefit, so I can keep track of what I’ve seen, but if you’re looking for recommendation or you’re a newby to Kdramas wondering where to start, I hope this helps! 

The GREAT (i.e. my top 21 - I couldn’t narrow it down to an even 20!)

1. Its Ok To Not Be Okay

A children’s author with antisocial personality disorder becomes obsessed with a handsome (but closed-off) carer in a mental health hospital. 

I could (and already have) written loads about this show - it became my all-encompassing obsession for the 8 weeks it was on telly. I LOVE IT SO MUCH!! I had a feeling only 1 episode in that it might become my all-time favourite K-drama, and I was right. The quality never dropped for a moment, and it absolutely nailed the ending. 

I pretty much love everything about it - the whimsical, fairytale-esque tone, the music, the costumes, the supporting characters, the side-plots exploring different mental health issues, the humour, the set design, even the opening credits!

The two leads are so beautiful with SO MUCH chemistry that you could watch them read a phone book and it would be hot. But it became a real three-hander of a show, with the male lead’s autistic brother forming an integral part of the relationship dynamic. 

Honestly, I can’t do this show justice with such a short review - just WATCH IT!!

Male lead: Soooo handsome, quiet and compassionate but with a steel core; it’s so fun watching him come out of his shell. Actor also seen in (AASI): My Love from a Star (honestly, he didn’t make much of an impression in that show, but he was amazing in this - he conveys so much emotion with the most subtle facial movements)

Female lead: Absolutely fascinating; so wounded and vulnerable, but projecting this awesome, no-fucks-given, blunt-as-hell exterior. Actress also seen in (AASI): Lawless Lawyer, Hwarang (minor character)

2. Crash Landing on You

He’s from North Korea. She’s from South Korea. They never should have met, but they’ll change each other’s lives.

This was my first K-drama, and although it’s been knocked off the top spot, it’s still fantastic. Its the full package - the entire cast of characters is great, the lead romance is ANGSTALICIOUS and its genuinely, laugh out loud funny (when its not making you cry or swoon). I’ve since discovered that they had a North Korean defector as a consultant working on the show, so apparently the NK scenes are fairly accurate which is SUPER interesting.

Male lead: Officially the best boyfriend ever - absolutely nails the small, romantic gestures. AASI: Hyde, Jekyll & Me.

Female lead: Smart, sassy, and funny. I love her.

3. Red sleeve - NEW ENTRY

A court romance between the leader of Joseon - who believes his duty is to his country first above love - and a headstrong court lady who wants to protect the life she has chosen

This is, without doubt, the best historical Kdrama I’ve ever seen. Sorry, Love in the Moonlight, you’ve been kicked out of the top 10!

The whole thing is beautifully made, from the gorgeous music and cinematography, to the fully realised characters, to the slow-burn pace of the heart-wrenchingly beautiful, bittersweet love story. Speaking of the which, I didn’t realise when I started the show that it was based on a true story. I ended up googling the ending, and I’m glad I did, because it helped prepare me for the last episode (top tip: If you want a happy ending I’d advise skipping that episode; but if you enjoy crying for 90mins straight, watch it). The two leads of the show are phenomenal - especially Lee Jun-Ho. He will tear your heart out.

Male lead - Has the weight of the world on his shoulders. You really feel it when he becomes torn between his duty and his heart. A brilliant performance. AASI: Just between lovers. 

Female lead: Funny and clever with a core of steel. You can absolutely see how she steals the King’s heart. 

4. W - Two worlds

A surgeon gets sucked into the world of her father’s webtoon when the main character’s life is threatened.

This was a WILD ride! The first 4 episodes barrelled through plot at an amazing rate and certain events happen in episode 5 that had me wondering how the show could even continue! But it did…and the plot just got more insane! I loved this show SO much. It kept me guessing, had me on the edge of my seat, and even had room for some of my favourite romance tropes. The central relationship was great, and (because of the insane plot) you basically get 2 love stories for the price of 1. It keeps creeping up my rankings because its a show I come back to again and again. 

Male lead: Just a really, really cool guy. Can’t think of how else to describe him! Always in control, calm, unflappable, analysing the situation….but he can break out the cocky charm when needed. AASI: While you were sleeping, Doctor Stranger

Female lead: I really liked her - she had more agency than a lot of other female heroines and I really related to her freaked-out panic in the beginning when she didn’t feel like she was a capable enough doctor to save a life.

5. Itaewon Class

A young man’s life is forever altered when he runs afoul of a powerful family.

This felt like a big step up in quality from everything else in this list, in terms of the production, soundtrack (which was brilliant), the lack of twee sound effects, and just the overall ‘real world’ feel of the show. All of the characters were fleshed out and 3-dimensional, and they all had their ‘moment’ to shine. The story itself was gripping and so well done - some of the twists and reveals had me gasping! And what can I say about the 2 leads? I love them, both separately, and together. He is so wise beyond his years, and his journey will break your heart and inspire you. She is borderline sociopathic, but I adore her.

Male lead: Tenacious, principled, kind, innocent, caring, driven, loyal…and he can cook! AASI: What’s wrong with secretary Kim, Fight for my way, Hwarang (and soon to be part of the MCU!)

Female lead: One of the most original Kdrama female characters I’ve seen. Plus she retains her agency all the way through, which is (unfortunately) not always the case with these shows. 

6. Healer

The lives, and pasts, of a hot shot reporter, a spunky young tabloid journalist and a mysterious thief-for-hire intersect.

I ADORE this show and its so rewatchable. The plot was tight and engaging, and this is one of the few shows I’ve watched where there didn’t seem to be a lot of filler. The central 3 characters are great, and the romance was amazing. I especially loved that the male lead started off such a brooding loner, but he became super-affectionate as soon as he admitted his feelings. So many good hugs and lots of face-cradling in this one. There’s also a great riff on the Superman/Clark Kent dynamic which was fun!

Male lead: Effortlessly beats up 2 henchmen while comforting his girl over the phone. What more do you need? AASI: The K2, Suspicious Partner, Melting me softly, Backstreet Rookie, Lovestruck in the City

Female lead: She doesn’t let her vulnerabilities stop her from getting the story or being with the man she loves. AASI: What’s wrong with secretary Kim, I’ll go to you when the weather is nice, Her private life

7. While you were sleeping

Not to be confused with the Sandra Bullock rom-com from the 90s. Instead, this is about a young woman who can dream the future, who has her fate changed by a young prosecutor who suddenly develops the same ability

I was thoroughly and utterly charmed by this show. Everything was so beautifully done - from the cinematography, to the music (OMG the music!), even the title cards were interesting and quirky. The characters were all great - the main leads are so sweet and relatable, the second lead is cute-as-a-button, the villain is properly hissable, and none of the supporting characters/extras annoyed me! The storyline itself was brilliant, with so many great set-ups, pay-offs and twists, and the romance was lovely.

Male lead: A bit of a hot mess of a human being (basically, the polar opposite of his character in W!)…but all the more loveable for it. AASI: W: 2 worlds, Doctor stranger.

Female lead: Smart, sweet, loyal (I really loved her relationship with her mum) and quietly brave.

8. Descendants of the Sun

A special forces Captain meets a capable and beautiful trauma surgeon. They feel an instant bond, but their jobs and philosophy on life get in the way, threatening to tear them apart.

I absolutely LOVE the male lead character, and the romance in this was beautiful (as was the bromance!). Plus its chock-full of CompetencePorn, with lots of scenes of people being really, really good at their jobs (this is one of my favourite things!). However, it didn’t quite nail the angst, and the last minute was a bit twee which dropped it down the rankings a bit.

Male lead: A cocky, charming, absolute BADASS with the most adorable, cheeky smile. AASI: Vincenzo

Female lead: Sweet and a bit out of her depth in the dangerous situations…but put her in charge of a patient and watch her go!

9. What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim

A personal assistant decides to quits her job in order to get a life. Her boss has other ideas.

This was my first Park Seo Joon drama, and he’s great in it. He somehow turns a self-centred, entitled and vain boss into an endearing character! The central romance is amazing - I can rewatch their scenes again and again - and its a bit more mature than some of the others on this list (be sure to check out the extended scene!!). It has some of the best kisses in Kdrama.

Male lead: Like I said, somehow makes vanity and narcissism endearing. Also not afraid to get his shirt off and flash his 6-pack. Bonus. AASI: Itaewon Class, Fight for my way, Hwarang

Female lead: I’m a sucker for uber-competent people so I loved this character. Park Min Young has become one of my favourites, and she is STUNNING in this. AASI: I’ll go to you when the weather is nice, Healer, Her private life

10. Alchemy of Souls - NEW ENTRY

In a world of magic and soul-shifting, a powerful female assassin agrees to be Master to a young, irreverent mage. 

Wow. This was fantasy drama done realllllllly well. The world-building was excellent (you easily come to understand the rules and limitations of the sorcery used) and the effects and imagery were great. The love story at the heart is wonderful - it helps casting Lee Jae-wook who is effortlessly cheeky and charming, but when he flexes his power, he looks ultra-cool. There are more episodes coming in December (Thank God! The ending of S1 nearly broke me!) so I’ll have to see if they stick the landing. 

Male lead: His laidback, irreverant facade hides a deep hurt, and a powerful, righteous soul. I love him. AASI: Extraordinary you (seond lead), Do Do Sol Sol La La Sol,  When the Weather is Nice (supporting character)

Female lead: I love her too! She’s stern and uncompromising, but when she finally opens her heart and learns to love, you just want all the good things for her. AASI: Because This is My First Life

11. Flower of Evil - NEW ENTRY

A police detective starts to suspect her loving husband may be a killer.

This was a fantastic character study, mystery and exploration of a relationship. The suspense almost killed me at times! I’m usually more of a fan about stories that take place at the beginning of a relationship rather than 14 years in, but I became so invested in them as a family. The choral music is a bit overwrought at times, but that’s one of my only complaints. I could never have imagined where they took things in the last episode but it was really good and an interesting way to further explore the character (I thought it would be cheesy, but it was so well done). Plus the most adorable little girl EVER stars in this.

Male lead: His struggles to desperately keep his family together (even though he didn’t fully understand the feelings they inspired in him) was heartbreaking - he is soooo good in this. AASI: Lawless Lawyer, Scarlet Heart

Female lead: Competent and compassionate. You’re heart aches for her when her world starts to fall apart. 

12. Love in the Moonlight / Moonlight Drawn by Clouds

A young woman poses as a eunuch in the Royal Palace and falls in love with the Crown Prince

This was the first period piece I watched and it’s still one of my favourites - almost entirely because of the male lead and his beautiful face! The start had a really light, comedic tone (and a lot of modern anachronisms - high fives everywhere!) and I loved all the identity-concealing hi-jinks. But then the romance kicked into gear and the DELICIOUS angst started flowing, and I became obsessed with it. It’s like loads of bits of my favourite regency historical romances were mashed up and transported to the Joseon Dynasty. I loved it so much!

Male lead: Manages to look amazingly handsome despite all the period headgear, kicks ass with a sword, and doesn’t allow himself to be manipulated by the corrupt officials surrounding him. Also acts like an adorable goofball when he’s in love.

Female lead: Loved her at the start - she’s scrappy and independent and capable. Unfortunately, becomes too much of a plot device by the end. AASI: Backstreet Rookie

13. I’ll Go to You When the Weather is Nice / I’ll Find You on a Beautiful Day

A cellist disillusioned with life in Seoul returns to her small home town for the winter.

This was achingly sweet and wonderful. The slow unfolding of the story, the beautiful scenery, and the simple yet moving score all combine to make this feel like the type of small town contemporary romance novel I love to read on a rainy day in front of a fire. Whilst long-held, painful secrets are eventually revealed, there is no massive conflict involved, with no antagonist or over-wrought external drama. Its just the tale of two sad, lonely people who have withdrawn from the world forming a connection with each other and trying to overcome their issues (she has a fear of abandonment; he’s a loner who has a tendency to disappear). As a bonus, there’s a bookclub with a wonderful cast of secondary characters - I wanted to spend more time with all of them.

Male Lead: Precious Cinnamon Roll, to be protected at all costs. AASI: Are you human too

Female lead: Wears her heart on her sleeve. Refreshingly, she’s the instigator of the relationship and isn’t the usual passive, coy female. AASI: What’s wrong with secretary Kim, Healer, Her private life

14. Goblin

A 900yr old immortal guardian finally meets the ‘bride’ who will end his existence

Once I got over the slight ick-factor of the age difference between the two characters at the beginning, I really fell for this show and it’s world. It had me in floods of tears at some points, and it was laugh out loud funny at others. I especially loved the secondary character of the Grim Reaper and his reluctant bromance with the Goblin.

Male lead: Surprising innocent and funny for a 900 year old

Female lead: Also innocent, but in some ways wise beyond her years. Her tears will make you cry (the actress is very good at sobbing her heart out!). AASI: The King, eternal monarch

15. Legend of the Blue Sea

A mermaid comes onto land to find the man she loves

The (literal) fish-out-of-water scenes in the first half of this show were hilarious - the actress is a comic genius! The romance was nicely done, and there wasn’t a lot of extraneous plot or too many characters. It also nicely incorporates scenes from the Joseon era, so you get a partial historical romance thrown in for free!

I couldn’t stop watching this one and I’ve since rewatched it too! Definitely one to check out.

Male lead: Cocky, arrogant conman with a soft mushy centre. AASI: The King, Eternal monarch, Heirs.

Female lead: Steals the show - funny, smart and beautiful. AASI: My love from the Star.

16. Into the Ring/The Ballot

An out-of-work young woman decides to run for office and faces all sorts of challenges in her quest to right some wrongs and earn a living.

This show has one of my favourite ever female characters - she’s headstrong, hard working, and quick to violence but so cute and charming with the most adorable laugh! She tries to act all cynical (that she’s only in it for the money) but she is actually really caring and kind. I sooo wanted her to succeed against the establishment of corrupt assholes that she worked with. Seeing her become disillusioned with politics and her colleagues was heartbreaking, and watching her fight back was great.

Her dynamic with the male lead was also great - he’s quietly in awe of her even when he’s exasperated and borderline scared of her.  And he’s super supportive. It was so much fun watching her drag him out of his monotonous, dull life. They also weren’t stingy with the PDA which was so refreshing.

On a superficial level, the show was also visually interesting, with loads of cool angles and blue lens flare. And the overall light, funny tone made it so watchable. 

Male lead: Adorkable

Female lead: The literal embodiment of sunshine and determination. I have a bit of a crush on her!

17. The King: Eternal Monarch

The reigning King of the Kingdom of Corea discovers a gateway to a parallel world - the Republic of Korea

This is the first drama I’ve watched in ‘real time’ but I think it would work better as a binge - there are a LOT of characters, and many have dopplegangers (because of the parallel world thing) so it became hard to keep track of who was who. I also think the progression of the romance is better appreciated in a binge (I wrote about it here - ignore the speculation; i got it so wrong LOL!). Unfortunately, the plot also had major holes in it (the ‘rules’ for the gateway/magical flute didn’t make sense) and It was difficult at times to differentiate Corea from Korea - a major failing of the editing.  

Buuuuuut, it still made my ‘Great’ list because all of those issues were outweighed by the sheer epicness of this show. The gorgeous sets, the dramatic scenery, the ANGST-filled, beautiful romance…at one point the King rides a majestic white horse into battle with a sword on a neon-lit highway to save the woman he loves. I mean, come on! Plus, its really funny - the ‘fish out of water’ scenes when the King first arrives in Korea, the chalk and cheese dopplegangers Yeong and Eun-Seob, the King’s constant threats of beheading…I loved those elements so much!

Male lead:  Gives Ri Jeong-Hyeok from CHOY a run for his money in the ‘Best Boyfriend’ competition.  AASI: Legend of the blue sea, Heirs.

Female lead: A bad-ass cop. Takes a while to believe Lee Gon’s story, but once she decides to go all in…she goes all in, and loves unreservedly with her whole heart. AASI: Goblin

18. Tomorrow with you 

A time-traveller struggling to live in the present meets a woman trying to let go of her past.

This reminded me a bit of ‘I’ll go to you when the weather is nice’ in terms of the melancholic tone, the simple but effective music, and the beautiful lighting etc. There were also some really interesting, innovative shots which I appreciated.

It took a few episodes to get into and it was a bit frustrating in the middle - so much could have been solved if people just TALKED to each other!! Plus the rules for this version of time travel weren’t really clear…But the last few episodes were brilliant; the way the story came together, and all the little bits of set up were paid off was really well done. These episodes alone were enough to bump this up to the ‘Great’ category (especially, given there was a bit of a Lake House vibe at one point - I’m a sucker for that movie). The romance was also beautifully portrayed; I could endlessly watch their domestic scenes - they had such good chemistry and banter.

Male lead: Absolutely, but endearingly, terrible at relationships. He ends up falling in love against his will and largely without realising it.

Female lead: A bit of a mess and a borderline alcoholic, but so cute and innocent. I love the way she talks to herself, she’s so funny! AASI: Oh My Venus

19. Fight for my Way

Two life-long friends decide to go after their dreams

I fast-forwarded large chunks of this (I wasn’t interested in the secondary couple at all), but it still made my ‘Great’ list because this is one of the best friends-to-lovers stories I’ve seen. You truly buy that these 2 have known each other their entire lives (their  bickering and teasing feels so natural). And then when they take the next step, they’re so affectionate and refreshingly open with their feelings. Speaking of which, this also has some great kissing scenes (Park Seo Joon is the master!)

Male lead: I love his contradictions. He’s goofy and childish…but can really turn on the sexy charm; he’s a badass MMA fighter…who loves when his girlfriend sticks up for him and protects him. AASI: What’s wrong with secretary Kim, Itaewon class, Hwarang

Female lead: Takes no shit from anyone and will fight for her man! AASI: Descendants of the sun (secondary character)

20. Vincenzo - NEW ENTRY

A Korean man raised in the Italian mafia to be a mob lawyer returns to Seoul with some ulterior motives.

This has the strange tone typical of Kdramas - one minute its a goofy comedy, the next some truly dark violence is going down - and it pulls it off really well.  The cast is all great, it was a unique story, and the male lead was charismatic as always. The story is not romance heavy - its got more of a found family vibe - but I still enjoyed it. It dragged a bit in the latter half, but that half contained some genuinely great moments. This is also the only kdrama my aunt and uncle have ever watched and they became obsessed with it. 

Male lead: Slick, dangerous and charming, with a heart of gold that he tries REALLY hard to hide. AASI: Descendents of the sun.

Female lead: Loud and ballsy with some questionable ethics - so not the typical Kdrama female! She was great. 

21. Suspicious Partner

A young, hardworking lawyer has her life turned upside down when she is put on trial for murder.

This was officially bumped up the list a while ago, and I stand by the decision. Its still overly long, but the serial killer plot had some nice twists and it was central to the story, so it didn’t feel extraneous like some of these types of plots do. Mainly, I just loved the central romance - the 2 characters sparked off each other so well and I loved their evolution from sort-of enemies to lovers. This is another show where I can endlessly rewatch their scenes together.

Male lead: Its Ji Chang Wook! He’s so good at playing serious guys who are secretly big dorks. AASI: Healer, The K2, Melting me softly, Backstreet Rookie, Lovestruck in the City

Female lead: Fate deals her a shitty hand, but she perseveres with grace and determination. She’s great. AASI: Shopaholic Louis, 100 days my prince.

The GOOD (in no particular order)

Lovestruck in the city - NEW ENTRY

A documentary-style tale of different couples in Seoul

I loved the premise of this, and, unsually, I was just as invested in the secondary relationships as the main pair (they even introduced a final couple in the final episode and had me rooting for them - which is a testament to the good casting and chemistry). I have to admit I went off Chi Chang-wook after Backstreet Rookie (I loathed that show so much!) but he won me back here. Jae Won is such a charming mess!

Bring it on Ghost - NEW ENTRY

A man who can see ghosts starts working with one

I officially became an Ok Taecyeon fan after this - he’s adorable. The show is fun and rolicks along at a good pace. The central romance is really sweet with lovely angsty moments. Would definitely recommend. 

I Am Not a Robot

A man who is allergic to human contact finds companionship with a robot…or does he?

I honestly thought I wouldn’t make it passed a couple of episodes of this - the concept was just too ridiculous. But I’m glad I persevered, because it developed some real depth and some proper good angst towards the end and I LOVED the central relationship. I’ve rewatched loads of this one.

I Remember You

A famous criminal profiler gatecrashes the investigation of a serial killer, hoping it will restore the missing memories of his childhood trauma

I really liked the set up of this - the lead character is introduced like a young Sherlock Holmes (the music even reminded me of the score for the BBC Sherlock series). The super-observant, socially awkward thing kind of dropped off as the series progressed, but I still enjoyed how the plot developed, especially with Park Bo-Gum’s character; I’ve only ever seen him play innocent cutie-pies, so this role was a bit of a surprise!

The female lead was like an anime character come to life (she was petite and cute with enormous eyes), but I also loved her personality; she was tenacious, and dogged and took no shit from anyone. She had a cute, antagonistic relationship with the profiler at the start (which I loved) which eventually led to some really sweet, touching moments. 

Hotel del Luna 

A hotel for wandering spirits gets a new human manager - and he forms a surprising connection to the enigmatic 1300 year old owner

If I had to describe this show in one word it would be ’lavish’. It’s a feast for the eyes - from the set design, to the costumes, to the CGI views of the hotel towering over the moon-lit Seoul cityscape, its stunning. It also plays with aspect ratios in a cool way (watch for the shots where the action spills over into the black bars top and bottom of the screen).

In terms of the characters, I really liked IU in this; her character may be uncaring, world-weary, and money-hungry, but she’s also immensely charming. I admit I got more platonic vibes with her and the male lead, but I still liked their relationship. I also really liked the stories of the ghosts passing through (some reduced me to tears with very little screen time) and there were a couple of GREAT cameos. Especially the one at the very end - I want more of him, please!!

My Holo Love

A lonely woman falls for a holographic AI and then meets his creator…

I love the concept of this show (I’m a big sci-fi nerd), and I think this stayed in my ‘favourite’ list for so long because it was the first Kdrama of this genre that I saw. I still love it - especially because of how beautifully it’s shot, and how well the story comes together - but I’m not dying to rewatch any of it, unlike all the others shows that are now on the ‘great’ list.

Extraordinary You

A high school student discovers she’s a supporting character in a comic book

The plot of this was so cool, and the way the comic story played out interspersed with the characters ‘real lives’ was really well done. Plus the central couple were so adorable. It dragged in the middle section (several versions of the same conversations were had, and the same exposition was spelled out multiple ways for no apparent reason) which kept it out of my favourite list, but it redeemed itself with some good angst at the end, and it had a really lovely ‘epilogue’.

Just Between Lovers

Three people impacted by a tragic shopping mall collapse start working on a building project together, unaware of their shared past.

I absolutely adore the male lead in this - he is the archetypal tortured hero (I constantly wanted to give him a hug and a warm meal). He’s also wonderfully romantic in his own, straightfoward, no-nonsense way. The female lead was really likeable - l love capable women and she is the definition of that (she even drives a lorry at one point!). There’s a lot of pain and angst in this show, with very little levity, but it strangely never felt heavy. I really liked it. 

Strong Girl Bong-Soon

A woman with inherited super-strength gets a job as a bodyguard for an eccentric young CEO

The lead couple in this are AD-OR-ABLE and I loved their relationship. But there was a weird tone issue in this show. The romance is super cute…but there’s a whole dark sub plot involving multiple women being held captive by a psychopath, and a really grating cast of ‘bad guy’ extras. I ended up fast forwarding most of that, and just concentrated on the romance - If someone could do a supercut of all their scenes, I would watch it on a loop.

30 but 17/Still 17

A 17 year old girl gets into an accident and wakes from a coma 13 years later.

I was worried going into this that the romance (between a 30 year old man and (essentially) a 17 year old girl) would feel icky and uncomfortable. But the writers made the wise choice of creating a 30 year old man with the emotional maturity of a 17 year old. He is so awkward and unworldly, that they actually work really well together. In fact, I loved their relationship. The secrets in this show took faaaar too long to be revealed, which made me worried that the eding would be too rushed, but there was actually time for a nice ‘epilogue’. Plus, all the supporting characters were great (including the wonderfully weird housekeeper Jennifer) and the cutest dog in the world was in this. So I definitely recommend it.  

Hometown cha cha cha - NEW ENTRY

A big city dentist opens a practice in a seaside town and clashes with the local jack-of-all-trades.

This hooked me and made me look forward to the weekends even more so I could get my fix. The story is slight (slice-of-life type thing) but the characters had me engaged and it was an enemies - friends - lovers story which is my catnip.

The male lead was such an intriguing character and the female lead has charm in spades. The romantic scenes bordered on far too cheesy but you can understood why (this was basically their first relationship) so I let it slide. Lovely cast of supporting characters. 

Nevertheless - NEW ENTRY

Two art students embark on a friends-with-benefits relationship.

I binged  this in one weekend. It reminded me of the slightly trashy YA romances that are my gulity pleasure - where the innocent girl falls for the college Fuckboy. You know she shouldn’t end up with him, but you can’t resist their chemistry.  The male lead’s character remained a mystery even by the end of the show, and he really only started to show any semblance of feelings in the last episode, which was a let down. He was so underdeveloped which was a shame, because this show really captured my attention otherwise - in large part because I’m not used to this storyline in Kdramas. There is lots of sex! Actual removal of clothes occurs (and there’s a lovely montage of the main couple sharing a bed which was a visual highlight). So overall I enjoyed it - not least for the side romances - every one of which worked for me (which is unusual). 

Da-Li and the Cocky Prince - NEW ENTRY

A down-on-her luck art curator teams up with a noveau rich ex-thug to save her father’s art museum.

This is the poor girl meets arrogant rich guy trope - but with a twist. She used to be rich and he used to be poor. This leads to a great dynamic between them. His character on paper (an uncultured money-obssessed ex-thug who has a great head for business) is elevated so much by the charm of the actor - you really root for him and his attempts to fit in to this new world. Would recommend!

Mystic Pop-up Bar

As punishment for past sins, a woman must solve the grudges of 100,000 people by entering their dreams

This was an unexpected delight. I started watching it after spotting a cute gifset on tumblr (which I didn’t realise contained huge spoilers!). The story and tone is (mostly) light and quirky, and I particularly enjoyed the worldbuilding - the banal bureaucracy of the afterlife in this even reminds me a bit of The Good Place. I’m a sucker for a ‘found family’ theme and this one was done really nicely. It also had 2 main ships - one really cute and innocent, the other took me by surprise with how moving it was. Similarly, some of the episode-specific stories and characters (i.e. the individual grudges) made me tear up.  

100 days my prince

A Prince loses his memory during an assassination attempt and ends up living as a peasant for 100 days.

Another period piece; the plots of these seem a little repetitive (Crown prince’s life is threatened by scheming Minister) but the  central cast and the romance usually makes up for it. Same for this show - I really enjoyed watching the spoiled, grumpy puppy of a Prince try to cope with manual labour, and the female lead was capable, and endearing.

True beauty - NEW ENTRY

Starting at a new school, a bullied ‘ugly’ girl reinvents herself with the help of makeup

This was really cute! I love Cha Eun-woo in anything and whilst this was similar in theme to one of his other shows (Gangnam beauty) I still enjoyed it on its own merits. He is so cute and charming and his dynamic with the female lead carried the show. The second lead also grew on me, but I wish they hadn’t dragged out the love triangle quite so much. 

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Joo

A young talented weightlifter experiences first love

Honestly, I wasn’t sold on this at first; the female lead was a bit much (lot of gurning and over-acting) and there was a weird disconnect between how she was described (big, overweight, manly, unfeminine) and how she actually looked (thin and beautiful!). But the back half of this show saved it; her relationship with Joon-Hyung was sooooo cute. He is adorable, and they were both so supportive of each other’s dreams. I finished this with a big smile on my face.

Are You Human Too

A mother separated from her son builds a robotic replacement. Decades later, he has to take the place of the ‘real’ son.

I loved the evolution of the robot in this - it never went the way of a full Pinnochio story, but it was fun to see him learning about the real world and how humans interact. It also posed some interesting questions - what does it mean to be human? And how would you react if you were ‘replaced’ by an artificial version?  

The actor in this was fantastic. The way he could change from the real Nam Shin to Nam Shin III with the most subtle shifts in posture and facial expression was really impressive. It took me longer to warm to the female lead, and by the end she was given very little to do…but her unflinching support and unconditional love for Nam Shin III won me over.  Some of the supporting characters didn’t work for me, and it was far too long…but worth a watch for the lead actor’s performance. Plus, Nam Shin III is an absolute cutie-pie.

Shopaholic Louis/ Shopping King Louis

The young, shopaholic heir to a large department store empire loses his memory and has to live as a poor man 

The male lead in this is an absolute puppy dog and I ADORE him. He squeals when he sees bugs, he can’t run to save his life, and he’s the type of guy who will punch someone and immediately apologise and ask if they’re ok. He’s spoilt, entitled, demanding and has no concept of the value of money…but thanks to the actor portraying him, he just comes across as innocent, sweet and lonely (he spends all his time shopping and accumulating stuff because they fills up his empty life). The female lead is just a really nice, kind person; at first Louis seems like he’ll be just one more burden she needs to take care of, but he makes it clear from the start that she can count on him to help her too - something she’s never had before. Their relationship develops so naturally and thoroughly that you cant help but feel they are perfect for each other. I watched this with a big smile on my face.

Oh My Venus 

The previously much-lusted after ‘Venus of Daegu’ fulfilled her dream of becoming a lawyer - but she gained weight and lost her self esteem in the process. 

I adored the female lead - she was so relentlessly bright and optimistic that you couldn’t help but love her and root for her. I was a bit worried going in that there was going to be a lot of fat-shaming, but the male lead made it clear that he was more interested in her internal health than her external appearance (and you could tell he started to fall for her when she was chubby, so it wasn’t superficial in that way). I wasn’t expecting for him to become so much of the focus in the second half of the show (I thought he was just going to be a hunky trainer;  I should have known better - in a Kdrama there is always a Tragic Backstory looming!). Their relationship was so natural and cute - the bit with the dimples never got old - and overall, this was a fun, easy watch.

A Piece of your Mind

A classical music recording engineer meets an AI designer.

I struggled to sum-up the concept of this in one sentence, because the ‘plot’ is so arbitrary (and the AI stuff makes no sense whatsoever!). It’s really more of a mood piece - the lighting, the music and the performance combine to make this a strangely ethereal show, dealing with unrequited love, grief and the importance of human connection. It’s slow and contemplative and a little odd in its structure (there’s very little set-up, so you feel like you’ve been dropped into episode 3 of an established show). This may put some people off, but I really liked it. 

I started watching it because of the leads (who I’ve loved in other shows) and they didn’t disappoint. She is so kind and lovely; he’s a little odd - like a robot learning about life. But their relationship is so beautiful (it even included one of my favourite niche tropes: insomniacs who can only sleep around each other). 

Apparently the episode run was cut down from 16 to 12 because of poor ratings, which is a real shame because i think a bit more time was needed to really sell the female lead’s emotional arc. It all felt a little rushed at the end, but I still enjoyed it, and admired that it tried something a little unconventional. 

Rookie Historian

An independent, educated woman choses to become one of the first female court historians, rather than get married.

This show had a really interesting premise and I enjoyed watching the rookie female historians navigate court-life (battling workplace harassment, misogyny and patriarchal values) and developing a real friendship with each other. 

The female lead was fantastic - she was headstrong, pragmatic, unapologetically intelligent, a lover of books and a hater of injustice. She shared that love of books with the male lead, who was sensitive, soft-spoken, and innocent. The ultimate beta hero, who’s romantic fantasies involved him feeding her cookies and fanning her while she sleeps! 

Their romance took a backseat for a lot of the show, but I didn’t mind as the plot was exploring interesting topics such as intruders from the West, catholicism, and censorship, etc.

Tempted/The Great Seducer

In an act of revenge, a wealthy heir makes a bet with his friends to seduce a hardworking female college student 

10 minutes into this I started to get major Cruel Intentions vibes…which made sense when I found out it was also an adaptation of Dangerous Liaisons! It doesn’t have the dark edge or overt sexuality of Cruel Intentions (which is one of my favs) but its still good - mainly due to the male lead. I ADORED him in TKEM and he’s really good here. I’m a sucker for the ‘bad boy falls in love for the first time’ trope and he played it so well. The female lead was also good - she was self-aware, strong, intelligent and took no shit. I was less interested by the love affairs of the adults around them, but overall it was a good show. 

The OK

My shy boss / Introverted boss

An extroverted actress takes a job at a PR company working for a man with crippling shyness

This was another deceptive show; I thought from the title and the synopsis that it would just be a light opposites attract comedy about an introverted man and an extroverted woman. But I was almost in tears by the second episode when the Tragic Backstory came to light, and we saw the full extent of the Boss’ struggles to communicate with other human beings. He has such a rich, funny, and smart inner monologue, and the way he overthinks every interaction is really endearing…which makes the contrast with his silent and withdrawn external persona all the more stark and heartbreaking. You really root for him to find happiness. This was overly long (a common pitfall with these shows) and there was some distracting shaky camera work in some of the close ups. There were also implications early on about workplace sexual harassment and possibly dubious consent in a one night stand which were dropped, leaving a bit of a sour note.  Despite that, it was overall fairly enjoyable and has one of the cutest confession scenes!

The OK

Because this is my First Life

A rational-to-a-fault software designer and an aspiring screenwriter come up with an unconventional way to solve their housing problem

When I started this, I thought it was going to be all light and fluffy (the main character’s job in the beginning was to insert the product placement in Korean dramas - hello, Red Ginseng! - which I found hilarious and meta) but it had a surprisingly melancholic tone throughout and touched on issues of workplace harassment and gender roles. I didn’t warm to the male lead until right at the end (which was probably partly intentional - he’s very remote and closed off) but overall I found the story quite lovely. Plus it had a really great central female friendship and their conversations actually passed the Bechdel test!

My Love from the Star

Alien stranded on earth meets an actress soon before he’s due to be rescued.

It took a couple of goes to get into this one, but I’m glad I finally watched the  whole thing (the female lead was initially very irritating, but she improved a lot). I enjoyed the present-day romance and all the flashes back to the past. However, the ending was really abrupt and disappointing (which kept it out of my favourite list). There should have been 1 less filler episode in the middle, and a decent, fleshed out finale instead.

The K2

An ex-mercenary takes a job as a bodyguard protecting the illegitimate daughter of a politician. A sort-of Snow White retelling.

This started off really well; there are some amazing fight sequences (hello, shower room scene!) and JCW has never been hotter - its worth watching for him alone. However, the back half became really bogged down in double crosses and manipulations, and it focussed too much on the politicians. The writers did well to give these characters some layers, but they were all essentially doing bad things for the wrong reasons, and I just didn’t care about them. The show was much better when it was following K2’s journey. The romance also started off well, but was a bit underdeveloped (mainly because they barely interacted).

Dol Dol Sol Sol La La Sol - NEW ENTRY

A sheltered, spoilt rich girl falls on hard times and is helped by a young man hiding a big secret.

I loved the bright, colourful, easy tone of this and the underlying story (which reminded me of Shopping King Louis). It has an equally innocent and charming lead who (on paper) should have been annoying and entitled. However, the twist after episode 4 (i think) really threw me and I wasn’t sure I could continue it. But I did.… only to encounter a ridiculous ending which somewhat soured me on the whole show. Watch if you’re a big fan of the central leads but be prepared to throw things at your TV.

Great Shaman Go Doo Shim - NEW ENTRY

A high school girl from a long line of Shamans reluctantly enters the family business to rid her new school of an evil spirit.

I watched this for the male lead - he’s played the younger version of so many of my favourite characters so I’ve been looking forward to his debut as a lead. He had really sweet chemistry with the female lead, who I’m also eager to see in other things. Overall, this show was short and slight, but cute. 

So I Married the Antifan - NEW ENTRY

An idol and a reporter star in a reality series where they pretend to be together.

I liked the bickering between the main couple at the start of this (who doesn’t love a good enemies-to-lovers trope!) and  the show had a good set up…but it ran out of steam a bit. The female lead became far too passive which started to get on my nerve. And the second couple were sooo annoying. Overall - a good central romance, but I probably won’t be rewatching this. 

He is psychometric - NEW ENTRY

A man with the gift of psychometry teams up with a police officer to solve an old crime

I loved the set up of this and the male lead is really likeable. But I wasn’t a fan of the big plot reveal towards the end - not because it wasn’t well executed, but because of how it impacted the characters. It spoiled a bit of my enjoyment. 

Bride of Habaek / Bride of the Water God

A God of the Land of Water visits the human realm to fulfil a task before ascending to his throne. He enlists the help of a ‘divine servant’, a down-on-her-luck psychiatrist.

I started this because I liked the lead actor. His baby-face can’t quite pull off the intensity needed for this role, but he was still cute as the arrogant, imperious God brought low by his circumstances - no money, house, powers or (most importantly to him) driving license. I also liked the female lead - she so desperately wanted to hide her kind, compassionate heart from a world that had battered and bruised her. There were some good individual scenes (especially the ‘confession’ moment, which was just lovely), but the show ran out of steam towards the end, and ultimately felt like a waste of potential.

Her Private Life

A talented art curator tries to keep her professional persona separate from her fangirl obsession with a pop idol.

This was cute and I loved the central relationship - he was so supportive of her, and their interactions were refreshingly mature and their banter felt really natural. Ultimately, it was a bit forgettable (I’m not dying to rewatch any of it), and the last minute tacked-on childhood trauma subplot was really unnecessary.

Touch Your Heart

Star actress rocked by scandal works at a law firm to prepare for her comeback role

This starred the secondary couple from Goblin and I really like them, even though they are playing very different characters in this (more opposites attract, than doomed lovers). It’s a bit too ‘cutesy’ and I had to fast forward a lot of the secondary romances which I wasn’t invested in.

My Secret Terrius

A secret agent on the run gets embroiled in the life of his next door neighbour - a mum of young twins.

The romance in this was underwhelming; the two characters ended in a really cute place, but it felt like set up for a story I probably would have liked more than this one. In saying that, this was still a relatively enjoyable watch; the female lead was great - she was constantly underestimated as ‘just a housewife’ but she was smarter, and more determined and resourceful than the spies around her. The male lead’s interactions with the twins were adorable, and there was a good cast of supporting characters. However, I’ve already pretty much forgotten the main espionage plot!

Where stars land - NEW ENTRY

A man who dreamed of being a pilot ends up working at the airport - and he hides an unusual secret.

I like the two main actors in this, which is the reason I started watching it. But (confession) I didn’t make any notes as I was watching the show and a year later I can’t remember a single thing that happened. I do recall that it was solidly made and I enjoyed watching it at the time…but it was obviously pretty forgettable!

Abyss - NEW ENTRY

Two friends are dragged into a plot surrounding a mysterious device - the Abyss.

This was a fun ride but ultimately a bit forgettable. The central conceit (you come back to life in a body that better reflects your soulI) was different and fun and the two leads getting used to their change in fortunes was amusing. They ultimately made a cute couple, but (as usual) I was less interested in the murder subplot.

Come and Hug Me - NEW ENTRY

A stoic policeman and a budding young actress share a past trauma

I liked the central relationship in this one (although the actor needed to blink more - it was so disconcerting!). But the father was a one-note hissable villain and the story was overly long and slooooow. Not one of my favs.

Strongest delivery man - NEW ENTRY

A delivery man who dreams of a better life.

I like an underdog story, so I had fun watching this. I also appreciated how the second lead could have been a typical villain but they made him so sympathetic and pitifiul (plus he was played by one of my new favs - Kim Seon-ho -  so I was rooting for him to be a better man). 

Business Proposal - NEW ENTRY

A case of mistaken identity leads to hijinks between a cold, aloof CEO and one of his employees

This was fun and passed the time, but was fairly slight. The male lead felt like a lesser-version of Park Seo-Joon from What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim? That show dealt with the story a cold, aloof businessman dealing with childhood trauma much better. But the female lead in this was a delight. 

Lawless Lawyer

A gangster-turned-lawyer moves to Gisung to take on corruption with the help of a suspended female attorney

I liked this more at the beginning; it reminded me a bit of Itaewon Class, with a charismatic lead, an intricately plotted revenge scheme that the audience only becomes aware of as the series progresses, and a take-no-shit female lead who was introduced hitting an authority figure! However, it never really gripped me (it took me weeks to finish) and a couple of the villains were overacting and hamming it up all over the place.  But I loved the two leads, and their relationship was good, despite feeling a bit rushed. 

1% of Something

To gain his inheritance, an arrogant, aloof CEO has to enter into a marriage contract with a sweet primary school teacher.

I liked how streamlined this was: it was just a show about two people who fall in love despite their best intentions. There was no overly complicated plot, and even the conflict that keeps them apart towards the end felt very organic and unforced. 

She is a delightful ball of sunshine. He is a little overbearing but has his own charm. And bear with the bad haircut and appalling fashion sense - he improves at the end!

Melting Me Softly

Two people are accidentally cryogenically frozen for 20 years. They have to navigate the modern world and their new lives together.

Another good concept, but it ultimately descended into little more than a light work-place romance. Had a couple of good kissing scenes, but it was overall a bit forgettable.

My Sassy Girl

A 'sassy’ princess meets an ambitious scholar in less than ideal circumstances…

I enjoyed the fact that this Joseon period drama focused on a Princess for a change, and not a prince. She came across as more 'obnoxious and immature’ than 'sassy’ in the beginning, but once it was made clear that she was actually a decent, kind person underneath, I soon warmed to her. I also liked the relationship with the male lead, which amounted to a pretty good enemies-to-lovers story. It took a bit of an unexpected turn right at the end, but my independent, feminine self was good with it. Overall, this was a pretty easy watch, but nothing special.

Hwarang

Follows a peasant who joins the newly-created Hwarang (Poet Warrior Youths in ancient Korea) to enact revenge for the death of his best friend

I enjoyed the scenes of the Hwarang hanging out and bonding - so many cute bromances in this! But I couldn’t really connect with the central story and romance, due to a major case of SLS (Second Lead Syndrome) - as much as I’m a fan of Park Seo-joon, I adore Park Hyung-sik, and I found his character, journey and relationship with the female lead much more compelling. The ending still managed to feel somewhat satisfying, but I won’t be rewatching any of it.

The BAD 

Hyde, Jekyll and Me

A woman becomes involved in the lives of 2 men, who share one body

Hyun Bin is sooo watchable in this, especially as the slick-haired, glasses-wearing, uptight Seo-Jin. And the show started well…but quickly went off the rails into a convoluted, dragged-out revenge plot. It was a bit of a slog to get through, to be honest.

Queen: Love and War

The long lost twin of a recently assassinated Queen assumes her identity to enter the Bridal selection to wed the resurrected King and seek revenge.

This was a bit of a mess (as you can tell from that synopsis!); it felt like the first few episodes were rushed through as a sort of ‘prologue’ before the main thrust of the story…but that prologue contained A LOT of plot with some major character revelations that were rapidly skimmed over (e.g. the female lead was introduced as having complete amnesia; but almost out of nowhere she casually mentions that she got all her memories back and now knows who she is). Because of this, it took me a while to get a sense of who the characters really were. A lot of the usual Joseon plot points played out (scheming ministers and untrustworthy queens) but it had some unique features - I especially enjoyed the bridal selection scenes and seeing the lead female outwitting her rivals in the various challenges. But ultimately, I fast forwarded a lot of this and it was pretty forgettable.

Backstreet Rookie

A struggling young woman takes a part-time job at the convenience store run by her high school crush. 

I was really not a fan of this show, and probably would have stopped watching if it wasn’t for Kim Yoo-jung. Her character was really likeable - kickass, but vulnerable, and so loving and kind. You were really rooting for her throughout.  The show also had some interesting things to say about inequality (there was a lovely scene between the male leads’s parents in episode 10 touching on this theme)…but that’s about it for the positives. 

Overall, it was just too OTT and manic and most of the characters were barely more than cartoonish caricatures. One character was actually repulsive, and the fact that he got his own romantic subplot was just gross. I’m a big fan of Ji Chang-wook, but I didn’t like some of his acting choices in this, and his character spent far too long in a relationship with another woman, which meant the main romance felt underdeveloped. 

And…it ended without a kiss. I was so pissed off! I put up with 16 episodes of crap, expecting a decent pay-off at the end…but no. I wouldn’t recommend this one. 

The UNCLASSIFIABLE

Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo

A modern girl is transported 1000 years into the past where she becomes embroiled in the lives of the Royal Princes.

I honestly don’t know where I stand with this one! Did I love it? Did I hate it? I seriously don’t know!

I was reluctant to start this (I knew it didn’t have a happy ending) but I was told its a rite of passage for KDrama newbies to watch this show. And there were some great things about it - the male lead was amazing! So intense and tragic, with the most arresting face. The music was also GORGEOUS, as was the scenery - the whole production felt very sumptuous. The palace intrigue stuff was also more compelling than most of the other historic dramas I’ve seen. I recognised several of the Princes from other shows, and I became really invested in 3 of them…which made the constant threat of them betraying each other/killing each other AGONISING. This show was heavy on the Emotional Torture Porn, and some of it felt gratuitous, because I just didn’t understand the motivations behind some of the plot points/character’s actions.

I also wasn’t a big fan of the female lead; partly because the actress only seemed to have 2 facial expressions to work with, but partly because and any hints that she was a modern girl with modern sensibilities quickly disappeared. It was this independence and spunk that made all the princes fall for her (to varying degrees) but she lost all of that and it left me wondering why they bothered with the time travel aspect at all.

I finished the show feeling wrung out and with the overwhelming sense of “Why? What was the point of that?”

Buuuuuut…it has lingered with me - as @talenevertold said when we were discussing the show, “Nobody enjoys it in the process… but it leaves this unique bittersweet aftertaste…” and that’s absolutely true; and it probably true that this show IS a rite of passage that everyone should watch. But don’t say I didn’t warn you!

and…The MEH (i.e. DNF):

This list is getting long! I have a bit less patience with shows than I did in the beginning - there are so many to get through, so I’m not willing to waste my time on anything that either doesn’t grip me from a story perspective, is far too slow, has mediocre acting and/or is too soapy

Master’s sun

Tale of Nokdu

The Heirs

Meow, the Secret Boy

Love Alarm

One Spring Night

Suits

Chocolate 

Doctor Stranger 

The Scholar Who Walks the Night

Oh Master!

Something In the rain

Alice

Live Up to Your Name

Record of Youth

Run on

Oh my Ghost

If I’ve made a heinous mistake by dropping any of these - get in touch and plead the case for why i should give them another chance!

#Kdrama #Kdramas #kdrama rec #Kdrama recommendations

[w0nnielov3]

“are we in a kdrama?”

layla’s note

This was a supposed to be written for jake but idk niki seems to fit more?? ig it’s only bc it’s a high school au ,, yeah that’s it ,, please enjoy :)

#pairing!!: niki x (fem) reader | genre!!: friends to lovers au kinda ,, highschool au ,, fluff. | word count!!: 1.9k

warning!!: lowercase indeed ,, curse words ,, mention of reader wanting to k word niki ,, and also the d word for people sensitive to that !! ,, the pov changes between 1st person to 3rd person ,, it’s proofread !! :)

“Okay hear me out, would it hurt to go skydiving once? We only live once which means you should agree to skydive for next month” blabbered niki as we made our way down the corridor. He’s been trying to convince me to go skydiving since our friend Jake decided it was a good idea to bring it up ,, “niki I already said no ,, I’d rather wait for when I’m older to skydive. What If I die from a heart attack?” Maybe I was a little dramatic but I'm genuinely terrified of height and niki knows that very well …yet here he is trying to get me to skydive. Niki just looked at me silently even though I could see the judgment in his eyes as he stared a hole inside my head. Once we arrived at our respective class we both parted ways to sit next to our friends.

“Yes?” Was all I gave her as a reply as I went back to gazing outside ,, “I’ve asked you a simple question twice and you have yet to answer it ,, I’m giving you one more chance or else I’m kicking you out of my class.” I could feel the stares of quite a bunch of my classmates as they waited for my answer. “why are you waiting for her answer if you know she won’t answer?” Bickered one of my classmates, they weren’t wrong but then again I could’ve answered if I actually knew what she asked. “No one asked for your input, so mind your business.” I heard another voice speak up ,, but this voice was very familiar as it was niki’s voice. He always stood up for me which was nice of him ,, “Miss park I will count to three if you don’t answer you will be kicked ou-“

Before she could finish I was already out of her class …stupid teacher must be out of her mind thinking I was gonna really stay in her class and listen to her … for fuck sakes I’d rather chew my own foot. Behind me I could hear quick footsteps coming toward me so I halted in place not really bothering to turn around. “Why do you walk …so fast- wait, I need a moment.” Grabbing onto my shoulder niki used me for support so he doesn’t lose balance. Once he calmed down he started walking with me by his side ,, “if you were gonna leave the class you should’ve told me …could’ve escaped faster.” He murmured while glaring at me. I just shrugged at him “you should’ve been prepared ,, every time that she starts asking me ridiculous questions you should be aware of my leave before I actually leave.” 

Before she could finish I was already out of her class …stupid teacher must be out of her mind thinking I was gonna really stay in her class and listen to her … for fuck sakes I’d rather chew my own foot. Behind me I could hear quick footsteps coming toward me so I halted in place not really bothering to turn around. “Why do you walk …so fast- wait, I need a moment.” Grabbing onto my shoulder niki used me for support so he doesn’t lose balance. Once he calmed down he started walking with me by his side ,, “if you were gonna leave the class you should’ve told me …could’ve escaped faster.” He murmured while glaring at me. I just shrugged at him “you should’ve been prepared ,, every time that she starts asking me ridiculous questions you should be aware of my leave before I actually leave.” 

Rolling his eyes at me he turned a corner towards a classroom ,, but not just any classroom it was our hideout …not that it was really a classroom ,, it was actually a dance room that niki and I found a few weeks after school started and ever since we always hang out there when we decide we want to skip classes or just dance our hearts out. No teacher comes in here so we just assumed it was abandoned ,, but we made sure it was nice and clean as well as comfy enough for us to dance in without dying. Making my way towards the couch that was placed next to the mirror I let out a loud groan ,, “I hate this school so much.” Watching you complain, niki just smiled at you as he set his hoodie on the couch next to your legs.

“You can’t hate it that much, besides we have this epic dance room.” He said as he looked for his speaker that was somewhere shoved in his bag. Nodding at him I sit up straight “okay yeah but these teachers need to get a life and leave me alone-“ getting up I take my hoodie off still huffing in dismay “-it’s not like I’m a bad student like yes I do skip classes all the time and I never answer when called on ,, but i'm an honors student …I GET GOOD GRA-'' before I could finish niki threw his hoodie at my face. Hearing him laugh I caught his hoodie before it could fall to see him grinning up at me …if I could kill him right now I would. “Stop rambling so much, you start yelling after some time and it’s very annoying.” niki walked towards you grabbing his hoodie back before throwing it on the couch. 

He laughed at the unamunianos plastering on your face whilst preparing for your next rent on why you Should kill him “if I stabbed you right now multiple times would you be dead?” niki’s laughter arose even more at your questions, ,, he knew you were joking but he couldn’t help but laugh at how funny you looked when upset. “No I wouldn’t ,, I’m immortal .” He replied once his laughter shut down as you were clearly judging his existence at the moment “immortal my fucking ass ,, no wonder you get no bitches…” you joked. Walking towards the door you looked outside to make sure there were no teachers or students and proceeded to shut the door once you saw the coast was clear. “For your information, I do get girls …you just never see them.” He replied a little offended as he connected his phone to his speaker.

All you could really offer him was a small laugh at his failed attempt to convince you that your statement was wrong. “we’re sadly attached to the hip so if you were to have any sort of pulls I’d be aware.” You informed him as though it was the most obvious thing ever “SADLY-? What do you mean sadly? This anti-Niki club you have with Jungwon is not very fun.” He complained as a little pout appeared on his face. Though you dread to admit it but niki did look adorable with that little pout but admitting to that is like asking for torture. Being teased by niki is the definition of hell …just ask sunoo heh- “same song or do we want to do something different?” turning your full attention back to niki you shrugged “doesn’t matter I’ll still be the better dancer.” 

Now …obviously you were bluffing as niki is an amazing dancer and you’re yet to be as skilled as he is but your competitive side wouldn’t ever let you be shown up. rolling his eyes at you niki let out a short sigh before pressing play on one of his playlist ,, or well your playlist that you made for him when you guys first started dancing together. He played the music low so no bystanders would be able to hear the music and then threw his phone on the couch next to his hoodie. “You think so highly of yourself when it comes to dancing but we both know I’m the better dancer.” He challenged with a little smirk dancing on his face as he stared down at you. If only you could smack that smirk of his face …. “Are you challenging me right now nishimura?” You asked clearly amused. 

“Maybe I am?” He shrugged that stupid smirk not leaving his face for even a second as he stretched his arms. “May the best dancer wi-“ “‘no may the loser buy the best dancer food because I’m hungry…” he cut you off with a cheeky grin appearing on his features as he turned towards the mirror this time. niki started to stretch his body so he wouldn't hurt himself when dancing …since it would be hard to explain to the nurse how he got hurt without giving away that we may or may not have a secret hideout. shortly after i followed his actions and started to stretch as well ,, being dance partner with niki was fun even though he can be a pain but you both always end up laughing your heads off when one of you mess up or do a dance move weirdly. 

!! skipping the dancing part because I tried to write it and it came out horrible :( !!

after a while, niki and i’s bodies gave out from dancing so we both just laid on the floor with basically empty water bottles in both our hands. “i think i deserve the title as best dancer for today ,, I’ll be expecting my food after school.” niki spoke up as he laid on his stomach so he could face me. rolling my eyes at him i got up from where i laid and shook my head “we seriously need jungwon to join us so he could determine who wins.” i sigh as i chug down the remaining of my water before throwing the empty waterbottle inside my bag ,, “no that wouldnt be fair because jungwon has an anti-niki’s club and would make you the winner instead even if i were to be better.” niki sat up and crossed his arms while a pout played on his lips before it morphed into a small grin. 

“what are you plann- niki!!!!” if someone was to be passing by the room they would’ve found out about the dance room …oopsie. anyways tackling you down onto the ground niki attacked you with tickles “if you say im the better dancer i’ll stop.” was all he said as he pinned you down with one hand while the other still tickles you ,, now who were you to ever declare defeat when it comes to competing against niki? shaking your head at him you tried to get away but failed. “ki- Le- GOOOOO!!” was all you could yell out as niki finally came to a halt. “fina- you stupid bitch- why wou- i hate you…” you stuttered out while trying to catch your breath. niki sat quiet while he just stared at you. “take a picture it will last longer.” you remarked as you pushed him off and sat up making sure to dust yourself off.

a small smile appeared on niki’s face as he finally opened his mouth “are we in a kdrama?” he asked which caught you off guard “what-?” was all you could really ask him niki got up and got his hoodie and bag “I just got deja vu ,, i remember watching a kdrama and this exact thing happened.” you couldn't help but laugh at him as you also got up and took your hoodie and bag “niki are you trying to say I'm the main character and your the love interest and I’m supposed to like fall in love with you or something?” you watched as his eyes lit up but he didn't say anything besides giving you a small nod 

“you’re such a dork …let go lover boy before Ms. Choi calls our parents again for being late.” even though you tried to play it cool there was a slight blush dusted on your cheeks as you were the first one to make your way out of the dance room …”just wait till won hears this one-” “DON’T TELL JUNGWON ,, AND …please buy me food!!” You couldn’t help but smile as you made your way towards your history class while niki rushed behind you trying to put his hoodie back on.

© w0nnielov3

#enha #enhypen #enhypen headcanon #enhypen imagines #enhypen reactions #enhypen x reader #enhypen x yn #enhypen x you #heeseung #jake #jay #sunghoon #sunoo #Jungwon #Niki #laylatiredherbest:)